#then when i do get 1 minute it's like holy shit theres so much to catch up on

[hungerpunch]

the amount of whatsapp and discord notifications i have makes me nauseous to look at. i wish someone would figure out a way to just burst the guilt bubble and get back into texting without having to face such a clear indicator that you're super depressed

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Due to a series of unfortunate events (a cancellation of all direct flights for 2 days), im going to be spending between 90 minutes and three hours in IRELAND of all places. The REPUBLIC of Ireland. I was not expecting this on my american adventure.

I wont get to do any irish things but im flying both flights with Aer Lingus instead of British Airways.

Here is my review of Aer Lingus which is by extension my review of Ireland:

- Holy SHIT this airbus is half the size of the boeing i was going to take. I expected it to have insane turbulence like the KLM washing machines but honestly it's no different to the boeing

- it is nice to hear announcements made in a celtic language first again, even if it's Gaelic and not Cymraeg. I look forward to seeing the "Casnewydd/Newport" sign when i finally take the train home, it's the first symbol of being in Wales.

- We left early. EARLY. On one hand this is leagues above all my BA flights that have never left on time. On the other hand if it left just 60 seconds late, id have recieved a free change of transfer plane. Now i gotta hope we get there "early" enough for me to get through customs and find my next flight. Better prepare to run but theres not much i can do about this. I just hope British Airways dont force me to pay for a rebooked flight because they decided 60 minutes international transfer time was enough (hah!) and i dont have superhuman speed.

- Im sat by an emergency exit. This has funny side effects. I get sliiiightly more leg room, but also im sat by the exit and the door is way, way colder than any other wall in the plane. It's not bothersome but it's funny how i have a free Cooling Wall.

- Internet is about same price as BA and i can use discord (good) but i cant use youtube (very bad, you should probably only go for for the im service)

- The dinner was about the same quality as the British airways food, but they had TWO meat options instead of one. I took the Beef Stew. Very yummy. They had cheese and tomato on the side instead of the cursed tomato couscous yoghurt that looks like strawberry muesli which british airways keep serving (prison food). I also really liked the chocolate mousse, slightly easier to eat than the chocolate brownie i get with BA, but i find it weird aer lingus serve most of their drinks in tiny cartons. Why??? At least i get a tiny water bottle with BA, like a souvenir. Also theres a tinier bread roll and no cheese with it, but the cheese felt out of place anyway. Not as out of place as the tiny creamer pot i get on both airlines, with no coffee in sight. It's like a shot.

- you dont get any free alcohol on this flight, you have to pay for your 1 can can of lager. With a credit card. Mine was in the overhead locker. Thankfully a guy on my aisle was feeling generous and bought my can. Downgrade from BA including 2 alcoholic drinks in the flights

- instead of a nice pasty or bacon egg roll for breakfast they gave me a tiny carton of orange juice and a Nature Valley granola bar. Horrible

- the in flight entertainment is on a screen from 2009 instead of 1999. There is no funny controller that stops working randomly. It is a normal ass touch screen. Unfortunately i lost my provided earbuds at the start of the flight so i havent done anything with it

- no reclining chair on this airbus :( it's an overnight flight. My chair is missing an arm but i assume thats because it is by the emergency exit

- BA do this thing where they dim the lights and turn them back on an hour before arrival. Aer Lingus have decided to "dim" the lights by having these purple lights on, instead of turning them off.

More to come when i arrive at the airport

[gabe-lovebot]

ULTRAKILL SPOILERS

HOLY SHIT

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

OK FIRST OFF THE LEVELS LOOKED FUCKING GREAT I GOT FLASHBANGED IN 7-1 AND GOT LOST IN 7-2 AND FUCKING COLLECTED ALL THE PAGES IN 7-3 AND 7-4????? HOOOO BOY

ALSO YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I CHECKED THE TERMINAL AT THE VERY START AND SAW FIVE!! FIVE!!!!!!!!! NEW UNDISCOVERED ENTRIES. WHEN WE ONLY KNEW ABOUT LIKE. 2 ENEMIES. ALSO DID EACH LAYER INTRODUCE SO MANY NEW ENEMIES???? I FEEL LIKE THEY DIDNT BUT ITS SO ON POINT FOR VIOLENCE TO JUST DO THAT

I EXPECTED MANNEQUIN TO HAVE MORE HEALTH BUT I REALIZED QUICKLY THAT ITS BETTER OFF IF THEY DIDNT BECAUSE THERES SO MANY. GUTTERMAN IS V FUN TO FIGHT AGAINST, GUTTERTANK FUCKING WIPES THE FLOOR W ME EVERY TIME. MINOTAUR!!!!!!!!!!! THEFU8GJNMINTOAR THE MINOTAUR........ I COULDNT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT WAS HAPPENING. WHO THE FUCK MADE THE THING AND WHY DID THEY THINK MINOS WOULD SEE THAT AND THINK "YEAH THATS A PERSON I WANT TO BE ON GOOD TERMS WITH". WHOEVER MADE MINOTAUR MUST HAVE SOME DEGREE OF MANIPULATION OF HELL ENERGY BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY BUILT LIKE THE HIDEOUS MASS. POSSIBLE 3RD PRIME SOUL?

WE KNEW ABOUT THE EARTHMOVER BUT LETS BE HONEST. HOW MANY OF US ACTUALLY BELIEVED WE'D GET TO FIGHT ONE MUCH LESS CLIMB IT. THEY LOOKED 2D IN THE 7-2 TEASER!!! SOMETHING TIPPED ME OFF WHEN I ACTUALLY SAW THEM IN 7-2 BUT I DIDNT DWELL ON IT BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME WHEN I WAS DOING MY THING IN 7-3, LITERALLY JUST GOING OOH AT THE SKY TURNING RED AND THEN MY FUCKING JAW DROPPING WHEN I SAW THE WHITE EYES. HOOOOOLY SHIT WHEN I REALIZED THERE WAS A WHOLE MODEL FOR THEM. I OWE HAKITA MY LIFE

AND FUCKKK DONT GET ME STARTED ON ALL THE IMPLICATIONS FROM ALL THE NEW INFO WE GOT. WE STILL DONT KNOW WHAT TRIGGERED THE ACTUAL DOWNFALL OF HUMANITY (THOUGH WE CAN ASSUME) BUT WE GOT MORE DETAILS ON THE WAR. AND HELL. OH MY GOD HELL. HELL IS NO LONGER HIDING, JUST STRAIGHT UP SPEAKING TO US ALL THE FUCKING TIME!! IT TOOK ME A MINUTE BUT WHEN IT CLICKED....

ALSO WHAT IS THE TREE OF LIFE IS IT A THING FROM DANTE'S COMEDY.... I NEED TO KNOW

[bluewormonastring]

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 1)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Holy shit I’m so excited

Oh my god

Oh my god

Oauxbwkxjwhz

LOVE THE BLACK SCREEN W A SHARP CUT TO THE BEACH 10/10

OMG WE GET THE STEDE AND IZZY BEACH SWORD NOW? SO SOON? YOU SPOIL ME OFMD

Omg he’s been stabbed this is for sure a dream sequence

STEDE THATS MURDER EVEN IF ITS JUST IN YOUR HEAD

“You absolute twa….” BEST DYING WORDS EVER ILY IZZY ALWAYS AND FOREVER

THE SLOW RUN TOWARDS EACH OTHER OMG

AND STEDES FACE AND HIS VOICE AND AWW BABY

AWWW THE WAY THEY CRASHED INTO EACH OTHER

“BABE” HA FOWIHXBWNA I WAS NOT PREPARED

“I KNEW YOUD FIND ME LOVE”

“Fuckin love the beard mate”

Oh we’ve started farting lovely

OH MY GOD I WASNT PREPARED FOR HOW ID FEEL WHEN IT CUT TO HIM WITH EVERYONE AWW MY BABIES IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

“Cant be worse than you moaning ‘Ed oh ed’ all night” ILY PETE

Iconic title screen as always

“DEAR ED” AHHHH

SPANISH JACKIE ILY

Instantly taking an interest in the Swede as we knew would happen but still iconic

Ugh I love Leslie jones did I mention I love Leslie jones

Nat looks so scared aww baby

I love wee John being security

And host stede aww baby

I live for black Pete dealing with working in customer service

And all of them tbh

Aww poor buttons he needs his ocean and Livy

I’m ngl for a second I was like “where’s Fred armisen- oh wait”

ITS THE I THINK OF YOU OFTEN LINE YESS

HELLO YES I ADORE IZZY HANDS HE CAN DO NO WRONG IDC WHAT YOU SAY IVE MISSED MY BABY BOY

Ahh the wedding

“Demon? *shakes head* I’m the fucking devil” AHH

Guys were only 6 minutes in and this post is already long as shit so buckle up (if ur actually reading it lmao my ass would be like nope too long”

THERES MY VICO HELLO VICO ILY AND MY JOEL FRY ILY BABIES

Ah yes ye olde put trauma in a box in lock it

Awww fang baby boy someone give him a hug find him Lucius

Omg it’s the “you dumped him” scene

“Did everyone get some cake” because he’s still our precious little angle

HE JUST SNORTED RHINO HORN IS THAT A THING WAS THAT A THING IN HISTORY HUH

NO ITS THIS SCENE I DONT WANNA WATCH MY BABY BE SAD

Yes hello I love Izzy hands I would protect him with my life little baby boy

Vico looks so done w his ass

Someone give my baby a hug

Ily fang

The tears in his eyes during “unhand me” aww Angel

AWW IZZY

CONNOTHAN O NONNATHAN WE LOVE YOU YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY UR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION YOU ANGEL

I love the friendship Jim and that girl have

Oh shit Jackie

“BOO CAKES” JACKIE

Stede honey you’re not intimidating

“I know that guy we had breakfast together” “you’ll be having a lot of breakfastes together” “oh okay 🙂” ily Swede

HIM DOING AN ED IMPRESSION LMAO “could be. Could be mate.”

“You’re my hero” 😞😕🙂😏

Swede bein a cute lil double agent

AWW SWEDE “my time with Jackie has been the happiest of my life. Her love has helped me locate parts of myself I didn’t even know existed and reclaim others that I have long missed” ILY

“Tonight is my turn to perform the husbandly duties”

“That’s another toe” ED YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

“Who am I to you” aww Izzy Angel baby he’s accepting it OMG “I have love for you Edward” IZZY YOURE SAYING IT OUT LOUD IM SO PROUD OF YOU BUD

IZZY YOU DID NOT JUST SAY TALK IT THROUGH YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THAT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA

OMG AND THE SHIFT IN THE MUSIC AS SOON AS HE SAID IT

IZZY RUN

RUN MY BABY BOY RUN

“As a crew” OH EDDDDD

ED DONT POINT A GUN AT JIM

OR ANYONE ELSE

THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF EDWARD TEACH BORN ON A BEACH

“They think ya crazy” cackling his face omg

Go taika absolutely slaying this scene

The way the camera is all like jittery is so good

Jim’s like “beard” makes their chin look like… not caved in but idk like it looks like they have a rly bad overbite yk

“Everyone knows why” “I don’t. Enlighten me” “your feelings for stede fucking bon-“ *GUNSHOT* ARE U SHITTING ME EDWARD NO WE DO BOT SHOOT FRIENDS

OH MY GOD HE MADE FRENCHIE FIRST MATE HOLY SHIT

Oh my god Izzy my poor baby Izzy oh my god how dare you hurt my Izzy

LMAO SWEDE

“FUCK THOSE HAMMIES UP” LMAO

There’s like no way there’s actually anything valuable in that chest

WE GOT TO SEE HER TAKE A NOSE FOR THE NOSE JAR YESSS

OH SHIT INDIGO

“Now give me back my blue shit STEVE”

Susan’s hot

DONT HURT SWEDE

Oh good okay we’re cool

I feel like she’s lying tho

But for now we’re cool

AWW FANG

AWW JIM COMFORTING FANG

“WANNA HEAR THE STORY OF THE WOODEN BOY” AWW

Living for vico using they them for the puppet

“DO THE VOICE” AWW

OMG VICO THATS ICONIC

AWW YAY THEYRE LAUGHING NOW THOSE ARE MY BABIES YAY

Living for buttons reuniting with the ocean

Okay roll credits cheers yall see you next episode

[jonahfagnus]

i dont think you ever posted about your "jon sees elias as jonah when he takes the archivist job" au but please start with that immediately 👀👀👀👀👀👀

so i dont think theres very much that i didnt say in the tags of the post i made about it (unless tumblr ate those for some reason)

but basically. yeah after jon takes the archivist position he starts seeing elias as jonah (at elias' age, not as like. a corpse in the panopticon). obviously he immediately realises that its jonah bcs, yknow, the guys paintings are everywhere.

i imagine jon's train of thought is something like this:

did my boss get possessed by jonah magnus -> no thats dumb ghosts arent real -> im having a psychotic episode -> surely id be seeing other symptoms -> what the FUCK is happening

so a huge amount of jon's desire to find the truth about the supernatural ends up focused on jonah. initially he's just doing research into the actual guy jonah magnus himself but that doesnt really get him anywhere because its not like jonah was like "dear diary im an eye avatar and im going to start putting my eyes into other people so i can be immortal" so he starts doing research into elias instead. which also turns out to be quite difficult just doing normal research.

luckily, jon and elias are decently friendly with each other (at least in early s1, which this would still be). so surely its not weird to try and make sure your relationship with your boss is positive. thats just common sense thats just cultivating a welcoming workplace environment or whatever. and ofc elias is like

bcs this is objectively great! jons leaning into the eye hes considering breaching elias' privacy to learn more about him and ofc hes flattered that jon is so focused on him in particular. so he allows jon to break into his office and look through his things and he pretends he isnt watching the entire time, and he casually mentions some flaws in his home security to try and spur jon into breaking into his house (which he doesnt. yet.)

they're sort of not-quite-dating - tim might joke about jon going on dates with elias and jon gets very flustered and denies it and elias is a little over affectionate in public just to see how jon reacts, but neither of them have any idea that jon's doing all of this just so he can figure out why his boss is (apparently) the founder of the institute.

then prentiss happens. then they find gertrude's body.

i dont think jon gets as paranoid as he does in canon - hes been less of an asshole since all of his focus has gone into researching elias and trying to figure out what the fuck happened. so while i think he does do some research into the archival crew, its mainly research into gertrude herself, and continuing his research into elias. now with added stalking!

and of course elias still doesnt care about the stalking because hes still 1. very happy jon is taking to the eye so well and 2. flattered that jon is so focused on him to the point of stalking him. in my heart i know elias considers stalking to be a form of flirting

s2 goes generally the same but i want jon to find out about the not-them just a little sooner so i can make him go "holy shit! elias got not-them'd! what the fuck!" of course this is completely incorrect if you know anything about how the not-them works but jon. doesnt.

jon, of course, breaks the table. then he finds out that sasha got not-them'd. then he finds out leitner is alive. then he finds out leitner is dead.

who else does he have to go to? he shows up at elias' home, maybe just minutes after elias finishes cleaning up, because a man has been killed in his office and he didnt do it.

because i am a soft elias truther s3 isnt just manipulation and horrible things happening for jon. horrible things still do happen (elias very much doesnt discourage him from talking to jude perry, or mike crew, for example) and elias is still a bastard but its probably not any significant amount more horrible than canon s3 was.

jon probably spends amounts of time talking to elias about what leitner told him (which is hilarious to elias) and elias (against his better judgement) doesnt tell jon that leitner was lying, but instead asks him questions that may or may not lead him to figuring out the entities. he's curious as to what's going to happen, and he's sure jon likes him enough that showing just a little of what he knows wont tarnish their relationship

i dont have many thoughts beyond that - the confrontation probably goes differently, for example, and maybe jon permanently moves in with elias. i cant decide how much of a corruption arc i should give jon (obviously he ends up much more content with the eye than in canon bcs the eye is sexy but i cant decide if hes pro apocalypse or not) but when jon finds out that elias is jonah hes like "oh i know" and jonah is like what the fuck do you mean

[lilrainbowcloud]

So many unanswered questions in TUA 4

1. Sloane???

2. Jennifer? What was with her?She was barely developed beyond being a plot device.

3. Why was she in a squid? Does she remember it? Why did she say 'The Cleanse' after getting out of it?

4. Klaus being useless. My fav character being underutilized especially after the character arc in the previous season.

5. Luther seemingly not missing his wife at all. I know its been six years but still...after the timline travelling subway reveal I thought he might try to find her.

6. Lila and Five. I get that they were stuck for seven years but Five would not do that to his brother. Why did they have to be stuck so long in the first place? What purpose did it serve other than that cursed romance?

7. The whole plot of S3 is the Kugelblitz which was caused by the Umbrellas due to the Grandfather paradox. Won't Lila and Diego's kids and Claire create the same problem in the original timeline?

This is pretty long but there's still so much more.

This season feels unreal and I mean that in a derogatory way.

TUA S4 SPOILER!!!

if you want to send me an ask to talk about this traumatic experience, you can!! i welcome you with open arms. here's a hot chocolate ☕

just finished and i had to take a minute and currently listening to chappell roan bcz holy shit

-might i say that i missed the sparrows and my sweetheart babygirl sloane? like damn ..

-yeah the only thing that plot line server was durango and marigold carrier + s*x = the end of the world

-but i think that was the only plot line i liked between ben and jen but GOD it was rushed like i want them to build trust and the relationship moreeeeeee

-OK BRO KLAUS!! MY BABYBOY KLAUS! OURRR BABYBOY KLAUS!!! god i hated that they made him relapsed or what like i was sooo happy that he was doing so well but of course the writers had to fuck him up one last time :(

-it was lost in the sauce. he did mentioned that "oh sloane would love this!" and i thought awwww but that was pretty much it :/

-this...... lila and five....... istg i said it and i'll say it AGAIN. they(the writers) pulled that one out of their asses boys. like what the actual fawkkkkkery was that? and to do it in montage form is VILE. i had to skip a lot of it. hard to watch. y/n im so sorry that you had to go through that😭😭 and infidelity???? i mean come on they killed people but trust and loyalty you cant break that i thought Five was better than that... how dare you Five. and lila wanted to dip the MOMENT that Five told her about the way back... like you did not just s-c-r-e-w him a moment ago

-and oh my god poor diegooooo hes trying so hard to be better and that reunion and the confrontation was HARD TO WATCH like damn... and she didnt answer him when he asked "Do you love him?" 2 TIMES. and yeah lila loves Five wbk fuckkkkkk

-but omg HAHA i have like 5 different angst fics in my head already brewing in my head HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

-their kids, right?? im not pretty sure about the whole messed up timeline bit bcz theres a lot to understand and tbh i only just watched s1,2, and 3 like a month ago when they announced s4 released date hehe but yes all the things they did messed up the TL up

-oh and btw did you notice the ending?? was the family lila's?? bcz i noticed that the normal people all existed right? i cant rememberrrrr

[infoglitch]

Fuck.

Yeah im currently suffering. Not any wounds, not any insults, not any tragedies, just... God.

Let's talk about red like roses. (All 3 parts)

Oki need to give context. I'm glitch and I have been a... Scarred fan of rwby. I enjoyed the first four Volumes before I kinda feel off after volume 5. At first I was very much in love with it but once I finished Volume 5 I just felt hollow like I didn't want to watch the series so I left it, and I left the fandom before ever being able to interact with it.

And so as explained by my complicated relationship with Rwby I only really got back into the series because of BBtag. And then I looked into it and oh dear God it's a mess.

Apparently it's already volume 9 and apparently the writing is getting better which I find hard to believe still.

Bmblb happened which is just.. wow, took 3 volumes to finish a subplot I had no interest in because let's face it, little me didn't get sexuality because I was in a religious house hold and also because I was never exposed to that media so when first read the word lesbian. I read it as "leash-a-bin". (It sounded Spanish ok.)

Anyway I also found out about the uh... The "allegations" of rt and yeah. And obviously a combination of "i could do it better", spite, and love for rwby all mix together into me deciding to write page 1 of rwby: fate, and that's where I put my foot down and said "I'm writing this, because I need to give this series it's respect".

So now here I am 5 pages deep into Rwby fate and 63 pages deep in my own book. And I'm on my bed just looking for music to listen to and I come across.

Red

Like

Roses

I listened to it and it just... God it feels so strange listening to a song I barely listen to before and I'm flooded with melancholy and yet nostalgia. This song is still good despite everything and it just hurts to listen and know, this is a song for a series that has done nothing but fail and harm it's fans.

It hurts because this song, captures the idea of ruby. She's still naive no matter how you look at it. She became a huntress to be like her mother and the rest of her family as well as to follow in the footsteps of her favorite fairy tales. Fairy tales, y'know, the fairy tales that inspired the characters.

Red riding hood,

Snow White,

Beauty and the beast,

Goldi(Y)locks, (that one's kind of a stretch I know)

RWBY

And thats not all of it because technically red like roses is only one a third of the whole actual song. Theres still part II in which is just a major tone shift

🎶I couldn't take it, couldn't stand another minute

Couldn't bear another day without you in it

All of the joy that I had known for all my life

Was stripped away from me the minute that you died

To have you in my life was all I ever wanted

But now without you, I'm a soul forever haunted

Can't help but feel that I had taken you for granted

No way in hell that I can ever comprehend this

I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone

I was wide awake and feeling that they had to be wrong

How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay?

Now I'm stuck inside a nightmare every single effing day

It's like a movie but there's not a happy ending

Every scene fades black and there's no pretending

This little fairy tale doesn't seem to end well

There's no knight in shining armor who will wake me from the spell

I know you didn't plan this

You tried to do what's right

But in the middle of this madness

I'm the one (I'm the one) you left to win this fight

Red like roses

Fills my head with dreams and finds me

Always closer to the emptiness and sadness

That has come to take the place of you🎶

Just, holy shit does this feel strange listening to. While the other one is melancholic and quiet, only having four lyrics during the start.

Part II is just a fury of emotions that just hit me HARD. The first was so quiet letting it's music sing for it self and the second one was the flurry of spiraling feelings. The anger, the sorrow, the regret, all spiraling into each other creating a hectic and wild rhythm. And it just absolutely HITS for me. And yet this isn't my favorite part of red like roses.

That goes to-

(yes I'm using the one for the lyrics fuck you)

Part III is interesting. It's from volume yet this feels like a volume 1 song. The song unlike it's predecessors speaks a new tune, a calm, determined, tone with it not focusing only on the past but also on the now, it's collected itself and it's ready to go forward. To escape the pain and move forward.

This is all just fancy words but I do love each part of red like roses. And it still reminds me of my love for rwby and it just..

It hurts to remember every bit of rwby and the failure it's becoming, we will most likely never see rwby V10 and if we do it'll probably be the final volume.

And I'm divided, I hate rooster teeth and want them to fail but I still want rwby to get an ending. But I've gone over this dilemma.

Right now all I have to say is...

"Fuck, I love rwby."

[oc-cinematic-universe]

It's been quite a while since I read the deathspeaker, mainly 'cause of work. Would you like to give a summary of it?

ho boy. ok so 1) these summaries are not a good replacement for reading the comic. do you know how fucking many small details i put in the comic? every time i send a page to randy to have them proofread before i post it, i point out like 5 different tiny intentional details that are so important for the vibes. a summary does not give you the tiny shifts in characters dialogue and mannerisms, the intentional framing of each panel, the vitally important art style choices. please read my comic im so proud of it 2) this is long im sorry i tried not to ramble but holy shit i love this story. chapter 6 got fucking long in particular but you NEED the little details to understand that one ok just trust me please im sorry 3) this is a summary of every chapter that has posted so far cause idk how far back you stopped reading so congrats youre getting my last 5 years of work in one convenient post 4) this took me hours to write im not editing it if theres spelling and grammar mistakes no there isnt

prologue:

dara, headmistress of the school, explains her recent prophetic dreams to joe, her boyfriend and a fellow teacher at the school. a demon will be coming, one whos been here before and caused destruction. a team of 8 will be able to stop it. thats all they know.

chapter 1:

an introduction to the school and characters. introduces abby, lindsey, cody, and shannon as older students, and liam, victor, and valerie as first years. victor and valerie are twins, victor's super excited to be here and i love that for him <3 joe takes the kids on a tour explaining stuff about the school, most importantly being not to enter the forest without express permission. just like in the rest of the world, there are monsters and you should be careful.

joe then starts their first lesson of the year with magic101 and explains the story of how the world got magic. the 8 magic types were a gift from the 8 corresponding gods, who then left all the new wizards and have not been heard from much since.

after class, joe, dara, april, and lily (two other teachers and joe and daras close friends) discuss the prophecy. dara confirms the 8 who will be stopping the demon will be children, likely students of the school, so they need to keep an eye out.

chapter 2:

its the night before the new students will receive their wands and learn their magic type and valerie is nervous. she doesnt WANT half the magic types theyre SCARY, but victor is so pumped and ready for whatever. they go to sleep resolving 0 of those feelings

joe's in charge of a lot of the proceedings and he's losing his mind just a little bit this man doesn't sleep ever. as he's scrambling through last minute prep, some of the other teachers are introduced. the most important are rowena, the emotion magic teacher who shows up late and waves her hand and suddenly joe has no problem with her bad excuse, and death, who is the literal god of death. he's just chilling.

the kids receive their wands, liam gets fire magic and victor gets space, and valerie causes a bit of a stir when hers is revealed to be light. light wizards aren't the most common and the school hasnt had a new light student in a couple years. which means...

joe finds dara later riffling through books in a bit of a craze, and she explains she thinks valerie must be one of the kids of the prophecy. why else would a light student show up NOW? in fact, dara has a theory that the gods may be involved through the gems of the gods, which are granted to 8 individuals with different magics to increase their power when the world needs help.

joe asks if they should tell valerie. dara says no.

moments after saying she was SURE this had to be it... she says they can't tell valerie, they haven't confirmed anything. they can't be sure.

joe says he trusts her choice. joe lies.

chapter 3:

fuck the first section of this chapter who cares, basically abby and shannon explain yes the god of death (death is not one of the 8 magic types btw) is just here its not a big deal he teaches the dark magic class and he's chill whatever. valerie and harley, the light magic teacher, have discussions on the pressure put on light wizards to be perfect and harley gets goofy with it to let valerie know its ok they won't pressure her to be perfect at all, magic is fun

joe teaches the weapons training class and runs the kids through some basic defense with abby, who volunteered to help demonstrate. because it meant she didn't have to go to her normal class for this period. when she fucks up one of the demonstrations and hurts joe, she takes an embarrassed water break. and notices something watching her. a shadowy being who smiles at her from across the arena. who vanishes when joe comes back to ask how she's doing. abby doesn't feel well, and leaves.

meanwhile in dara's office, rowena comes by asking about some lesson content she wants to use but needs dara to confirm is ok. rowena tries to wave her hand and make it all so easy again. dara does not care and barely notices as she counteracts the spell. dara agrees to hear her out, and she begins telling the story. one about a queen and a peasant boy

the queen had taken the boy in and he worked so hard to make her happy. he admired her and felt close to her. she did not feel the same. an advisor warned her, the boy would cause problems. the boy needed to be dealt with before it was too late. nevermind that he hadnt done anything wrong, he was going to kill them all

so she ordered to have him executed. and as he cried in his cell awaiting his death, something came to help. it offered him freedom. hope.

vengence.

dara interrupts by saying its a bit morbid for this kids huh. startled, rowena can't get a very good reasoning out, and dara denies her request and asks her to leave. but... dara cant help but feel like... somethings wrong. so she adds,

"don't ask questions you dont want answers to"

rowena leaves happily. she got what she wanted

chapter 4:

abby is called on a quest (a normal school occurance stop calling this a weird thing it's just the culture of this world I'll KILL you) and dara won't ler her take shannon, her beloved girlfriend, with her because every single time abby went on a quest last year she took shannon. dara asks her to take a first year instead.

abby and liam leave on their quest to take care of a small gang of goblins. a simple enough quest for a first and second year to handle on their own. liams VERY nervous about heights and has never really ridden on a broom before, so he asks abby random questions to distract himself. he asks about the students he saw already at the school when the buses dropped him off there. abby gets quiet. she explains some students live at the school. "some of us dont have anywhere else to go" "...us?" abby doesnt answer, caught up in memories from only months ago. thankfully, she doesn't have to answer, theyve reached their destination! and...

there's screaming ringing out from everywhere. the goblins, somethings wrong. they're 9 feet taller than they're supposed to be, limbs too long for their body, faces half made up of hanging mouths filled with sharp teeth. they look ghostly, like shadows. liam fire blasts one and it does nothing. frantically, abby tells him to go back and get help, she'll do what she can to stop them.

dara, another teacher, and liam come back as soon as they can, just in time as abby's energy runs out. dara tells the kids to stay put behind a force field she puts up, but not long after leaving them she feels her connection with it break and comes rushing back to find them gone. nearby, theyre sitting with death. death casually tells dara not to worry, his reapers are handling the goblins. everyone can relax now. the other teacher takes the kids back to the school, leaving dara and death alone.

he confirms 6 deaths. but thats not the worst part! the worst is that he and his reapers could only find 1 of their souls. the other 5 have gone missing. he doesnt understand how this couldve happened... but dara does. there's one thing she can think of that could do this.

death is horrified. she promised him she had gotten rid of the demon the first time. she PROMISED. and now she's implying she lied? and has been lying for 70 YEARS?? how could she? unless... it was something to do with-

she tells him to stop. he realizes he is the only one who knows. he realizes she hasnt told anyone in decades. he realizes her refusal to acknowledge it is going to kill them all.

chapter 5:

this one is not getting several paragraphs it is so simple, jules is an elf prince who passed out near the school and was found by harley and valerie. after questioning them on why the hell they are here and they explain they ran away to get away from their family, she invites them to stay as a student. they agree! joe gives them a tour he's the tour guy and he is so excited to have a new student here <3 during the tour they end up talking about joe's hair, which he magically dyed to be pink with a spell he made himself, which leads to mentioning the gods never gave him a magic type so he has to make do with the little magic that works outside of magic types. later that night jules struggles to sleep and wanders the school, stumbling on rowenas classroom, where her voice drifts through the open door. jules takes a peek.

she's talking to the demon. she notices jules and quickly makes sure they won't think anything of what they saw (erasing memories is tricky. but making it harder to focus on.... thats easy). they go back to bed content. the demons excited. that was the last of the 8! so finally, finally, they can begin putting things into motion.

chapter 6:

in order to make up for a failed assignment, shannons teacher gives her a ridiculous homework sheet she'll have to go into the woods for. she tries to argue, but rowena enters the room. whats the problem shannon? youre a smart girl, after all. it's no problem for you. so shannon, grumbling, agrees.

victor overhears some students outside his class talking about the rumors that the school is in danger. always a fan of properly fact checking, victor decides to take this to dara and ask for an explanation. shes says the rumors are true, but its nothing to worry about. everything is under control. victor doesnt buy this for a second. he does what every good scientist should do and goes to research

shannon and abby walk at the edge of the forest, complaining about how unfair the assignment is. abby offers to come with shannon, its dangerous after all. she declines. she's a smart girl, after all. she can handle herself. it breaks abbys heart. shannon would never notice that. she's a smart girl, after all. after shannon leaves, abby is all alone. but she knows she's not, as the shadowy being once again stares at her. so close it could touch her. she knows it cant be real, its always gone when she goes to double check. so she turns around. theres no one there. abby is alone.

victor realizes too late into his plan that he doesnt know how the fuck research is supposed to help him here. but its alright. a wad of paper hits him from an unknown source, pointing him the direction of... an unlabeled book. it has a note stuck to the front: "do you want the truth? ps dont let dara see" nervously, he takes it somewhere private, and begins to read.

its a journal of a 10 year old boy during 1950. he's been taken in by miss dara and mister beckett after his mom left him at the school, promising to come back for him. 4 years later, she never came. he laments about school life as the only 10 year old living at this high school, and about miss dara being so mean and mister beckett being so nice. he writes about a cat he found in the woods, where he knew he wasnt supposed to go. he writes about the cat that follows him home. the cat that won't step into the light. the cat thats offering him a deal

shannon, in her quest to document magical animals in the woods, enters a small cave opening, calling out to any creatures that may reside. she does not want to be here and it shows. but here she will stay as the cave entrance crumbles behind her, and a doubled voice next to her ear taunts her. she spins around, wand brandished, and the demon floats smugly, unconcerned. she threatens and screams at them to tell her who they are. dramatically, they almost laughingly call themself "The Deathspeaker" flourishing their cape. ...shannon realizes she has run into a theater kid and no longer feels concerned. she could probably bully them no problem.

the boy from the journal is scared. The cat has told him it's a demon and it wants to make a deal. he knows better, and refuses over and over until it leaves. hopefully it won't come back. Life is hard enough as it is.

incredibly annoyed that shannon won't take their drama seriously, the demon says she can call them Theron instead. Trying to get back into the moment, they ask, voice echoing, how on EARTH she managed to find them. she says homework. for a moment their voice splits. "what???" "homework?" she doesn't notice. ... But hey a demon is a magical animal right, maybe she can fill her homework out

the boy tries to move on. the demon won't come back, it hasn't in a while. he describes his day, but the page is ripped near the end, cutting off the dark inky reply that he surely did not write himself. it wants a deal.

they want a deal. they'll do Shannon's homework if she retrieves a dragon for them. they lost it, and they can't leave to chase it, they've got this dreadful chain on their leg. shannon agrees. she's a smart girl, after all. this won't be a problem. so they remove the rocks from the cave entrance and send her on her way

the boy never budges. the cat tries and tries but he won't make a deal. so again, it leaves. days later, mister beckett does something strange. he and miss dara have a screaming match, and afterwards he tells the boy not to trust her. he's going to find a way to get the boy out of here. the boy doesnt understand. he thought dara loved them both, why would they need to leave? the next day, the boy write at midnight. miss dara woke him up and told him to follow her. he trusts her. how can he not.

the rest of the journal is blank.

victor refuses to believe that was it. what did any of that mean? how does this help? the door creaks behind him. dara enters the room, not noticing him at first. she smiles and greets him, and he panics and runs. ...odd. he left a book there. dara picks it up and opens it. moments later its nothing but ash. he knows. he knows, and she cant... breathe. he knows. he knows.

the 2 voices of the demon argue in their cave. he asks why they can't just tell shannon, rowena listened why wouldnt she? it snaps and yells at him, this isnt how it works!! this isnt what they discussed! shannons voice calls from the cave entrance. it tells him to be quiet and let it handle it.

she found the dragon but because it was A Ghost, she wasn't exactly able to get it back. she did her best! but its not enough. they count this as a broken deal, and refuse to hand her homework until she promises one more tiny thing. one more deal. they want her help talking to abby. ...she says no, of course not, thats stupid she doesnt trust this!! they move faster than she can react, pinning her up to the wall. she doesnt have a choice. she does this for them or she dies. she nods, and they let her go, with instructions written down to give to abby.

"you weren't supposed to do that" he says. "shut up" it snaps back.

victor got enough information from the journal to try research attempt number 2. with the help of lindsey (who caught him very obviously talking about stealing a laptop from the school computer room, and chose to help him out of pity), he discovers an article from 1950 about a fire at the school. headmistress dara refused to answer many questions from the police and journalists, especially about the 10 year old boy who had gone missing under her care. he was the only one they couldn't find any trace of in the aftermath. victor, horrified, confirms thats him. thats the boy from the journal. the one this all seems to be about.

theron deathspeaker.

[sharpth1ng]

OMG YOURE BOTH BIG DICK RANDY AND HW? BIG BRAIN SHIT. - I AM and bahaha thank you. I have like 20 minutes to myself rn, so speed typing this on my phone and apologizing for the incoming spam that's about to come your way because I'm going to respond to both Randy's monster cock and the HW stuff separately. (really need to get my shit together and find a username) First tho, your tags on that other post abt the dicks and Hank Williams. Iconic. and this tag thanks for the great chats as always - is so sweet and back at you!😊 1/2 He’s like “No I’m just not a fucking cocksucker” (red face). - he totally does which draws more attention to him not less (then he has the audacity to lecture Stu abt subtlety smh...)

(AND YES AT STUS MEAN GIRL ENERGY! that’s my favourite tbh like that’s the scene (aside from the kitchen) where it feels like, the most undeniable that they’re fucking.) YES that scene and the kitchen are truly amazing. I love how Randy is just there being used like a human barrier to keep them jumping on each other in the damn store. HIS EXPRESSION TOO. Every scene where those two interact it's like they're fucking in their own way with their go between. Even by the fountain and at the door.

why am I starting to think it’s funnier if Billy is average sized and just really insecure about it? - exactly what my thought process was lmao, like because A) he's dramatic about it (boy needs that a little bit dramatic shirt Regina wore in Mean Girls which I'm now picturing him wearing in the final act for his dying swan/falling down the stairs scene and the entire kitchen scene) and B) hates Randy, so this is just another thing for him to be pissed about. (speaking of I have always headcanoned he hates Randy because he's jealous of Stu's friendship with him, not because Randy is into Sid like he lets Randy believe. I could even imagine him asking Sid out in the first place when Stu starts up with Casey, just to one up Randy). I'm also loving the idea of Stu saying something about Randy's dick size at some point just to bait Billy and it fucking works (Billy thinks he's in control of this relationship but this entire lap dog scenario Randy speaks of is mutual and deep down Billy knows it and is pissed about that too! fdsjkfds)

Bless you Big Dick Hank Williams (hows that for a username lmao)

And LMAO you're welcome for the tags, I do my best.

Billy is CONSTANTLY lecturing Stu on subtlety and then going around being the most obvious cocksucker, its absurd really.

RANDY THE HUMAN BARRIER THO. I hc that theres been a whole lot of tension between them for years at this point, and they've both probably used Randy to buffer that before they were really ready to deal with it, and before it was even a sexual thing. He went to so many horribly awkward middle school sleepovers.

And OK but I've been thinking that Randy and Billy knew each other before Stu, like they were in preschool together and prob didn't get along that well but didn't hate each other. Then Stu started at their school in grade 1 or 2 and made friends with both of them and suddenly Billy just became the WORST to Randy.

I might write some one shot with them as kids tbh i've been interested in that dynamic and how it changes as they get older OH GOD I HAVE SO MUCH WRITTING TO DO

And tbh? I love the idea that he decided to start dating Sid because he knew Randy liked her, like Billy might not have even realized that that was what he was doing but that do be what he did. I think Stu's been dating for a while, probably started dating before Billy so I think Billy also decided he just needed to be dating some girl at a certain point.

ALSO HOLY SHIT THE MEAN GIRLS SHIRT LMAO. At this point i just have a mental collection of 'time out' shirts for Billy.

LOL also ya Stu baiting Billy about Randy's dick size would bring the furies of hell down on him but we know he's into that tbh so y'know.

[strapskinkstories]

Mar 29 2024 - Where’s the content? WHERES THE FUNDING! WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF FUNDING!

theres been no new content because there’s a funding crisis. Provisional talks are in progress with an angel funder who might save strappyskinks from going belly up due to lack of funding.

That all said. One angel investor can’t float me forever.

See this? You can actually donate towards my clothing food electric internet phone and other things eligible to be paid from my disability trust account.

Before you ask: can gear come from the trust account?

Answer:YES! - Gear is classified either as clothing not otherwise specified or sensory therapy equipment not otherwise specified.

Ultimate dream is for this trust account to explode one day. How is it findoms can get a damn Lamborghini and have people constantly fill its tank and get them sushi and Starbucks when I can’t even complete one of my basic life goals Pay off the house so me and my caregiver can live in peace without worrying about busting ourselves or ending up out of runway to run the business. StrappysKinks is very much technically a business. Even though the product is free. I create content, written video and photographic as well as AI generated entertainment art.

All that content has *intrinsic value* that intrinsic value so you are all aware. Per video. The intrinsic value of an approximately 50 minute bondage video of Amateur/ProAm (I consider myself ProAm at the actual gear stuff. Still kinda amateur on the camera work cut me some slack, I’m working on zero funding right now! Read: out of pocket funding from my already paltry social security) costs pay per view $20.99 YOU PEOPLE HAVE OVER 50 OF SUCH VIDEOS FREE! That’s over $2,500 OF VIDEO CONTENT PER PERSON THAT IS FREE! 100 views would usually = $2,099 if I were running hard core PAY PER VIEW.

I don’t. Because I think paysites suck. And I also think JFF onlyfans all that sucks.

But let me continue. Then there’s my thousands of stories and now my anesthesia stories. Per document a story typically is about $1-$5 let’s just assume I’ve written 5000 stories and documents to keep shit simple. That is again $5000 of content PER PERSON THAT IS FREELY AVAILABLE. AS FREE AS GATDAMN LINUX! Now let’s talk about my image library. It’s on Flickr and spans 14,000 images. Typically a photo set in a paysite is like $10.99 so a little division aaaand the math comes out to… 466 image sets or a value of $4,660 PER PERSON FREELY ACCESSIBLE. It’s late. I can’t math right now. I’m too upset but when I just smash those numbers together and total them up you get. As a single viewer. If you access all of my social medias and my Flickr and use my XHamster. $15,000 of content FOR FREE!!!

I cannot continue as the American economy shoots disabled people in the foot and also screws over low income LGBTQ folks to produce content for free. Something has to change.

Either I have to shut down production. Whoa. Holy fuck.

I didn’t expect the outcry to be so intense. It wasn’t even outcry on Twitter.

The telegram group members went into total open outcry status.

Ok. So. Shutting down production is not an option.

Sustaining production at current funding levels is impossible. Especially considering I just lost $120 per month of government funds thanks to reckless cuts on food stamps and the affordable connectivity program being recklessly ended by a Congress that I can only politely describe as a pile of diarrhea dung from a deathly ill cow with mad cow disease.

So. This is not a tribute me. This isn’t a fucking pay up call.

This is a do me a favor.

Look at yourself in the mirror.

Think about how many times you’ve probably jacked off looking at my videos or photos. Then think about how much time money and gear it takes to make that entertainment material go from here to your screen. I want my 3000 something followers (as I am carbon copying this onto Twitter Etc as well) Do the following

1. Self reflect on your consumption of my media. You owe it to chip a dollar or two in if you’ve done so much as listened to a minute or two of my video. An average street musician gets a hundred dollars a day if they are in a good area. If you’ve watched my videos and you’ve done nothing not even liked them retweeted them or thought about donating them. Are you really being a sustainable consumer? Sustainable consumers support the creators who provide them content. If they can’t give financial support at the least hit the goddamned retweet button. It is not hard! One tap or click ffs!

2. ITS TAX DEDUCTIBLE! (Not sure if you can deduct for 2023 still. But you can deduct it on your 2024 taxes.) So instead of sending money to the fat cats at some national charity where the executives take multimillion dollar paychecks IM LOOKING AT YOU YA MOTHERFUCKERS AUTISM SPEAKS. WE DONT WANT A CURE RESEARCHED AND WE DONT NEED YOUR DAMN BIG HONKY TONK GALAS ON TV EITHER.

3. Realize that if funding doesn’t change in the next 20 days. Immediate cutbacks will begin and by 2026 StrapsKinks will entirely stop filming, photographing, producing AI art, and writing stories as all funding will be exhausted and instead of engaging in kink I’ll have to start selling off gear and computer equipment as we do last ditch efforts to make ends meet before ending up in a shitty apartment rental again or worse homeless. So yeah. Thanks everyone. Thanks for almost a decade of consume consume consume. All without giving back a damn dime. Hopefully this makes things start changing and before the first April 21 cutoff. If funding doesn’t increase by April 21 Twitter stories will permanently cease and the StrappysKinks website will be slated for destruction. If funding doesn’t increase by June gear purchases from Bronco and other planned vendors will be postponed and or canceled If by December funding does not increase there will likely be no further new gear acquisitions and if equipment breaks it won’t be replaced. If by January 2025 nothing changes. All Twitter accounts and the Tumblr will be deleted. The Flickr account will be deleted. The website will be erased in preparation for the October 2025 termination of the StrappysKinks services. At that time anyone who has my contact details will know me and those left in the community simply won’t. At that point I’ll just disappear off of social media and take all my stuff down.

Because guess what.

I’m not leaving $15,000 of content available for free if I go bankrupt. So sit down. Think about what you people are doing to small creators especially those with disabilities and think. Do you want to see StrapsKinks go bankrupt.

The fate rests in your hands folks. This is a publicly funded venture technically. Public funding from the federal and private……. Yeah that’s the problem. Nobody done fuckin stepped up to actually do the funding. Let’s hope this funder that is on the lines actually comes through because if he does his single round could set us back onto at least able to sustain current production even if it does mean slowing down gear purchases. That said. If new funding lines are not received by January 2025 *STRAPPYSKINKS WILL GO BANKRUPT*

[knightbugs]

WORLDS WORST BAD BATCH LIVEBLOG - EPISODE 1

-- DISCLAIMER: this liveblog fucking sucks and to understand my thought process you need to either read it while watching the bad batch or you need to have every episodes events completely memorised -- the droids are silly

this caleb guy looks about 12 whys his voice so deep

holy shit is that the bad batch from bad batch theyre here in bad batcj

omg crosshair is there

wrecker is just heavy tf2 ?? <- guy who has never played tf2

NEEEEERD (affectionate) (directed at tech obviously)

i like this woman i like how she talks she sounds like kanaya from homestuck ? like how ive seen her portrayed. the way she says 'do what they do' as if shes saying it in quotation marks i like tgat

WHAT THE FUCK H.ES. THE GREEN GUY HE'S THEYRE KILLINGTHE WOMSN WHST THE FUCK hply shit she did a flip WHAT THE FUCK SHES DEAD WHAT THE HELL

hunter (i think ?) did a little slide in the snow that was cool

crosshair why are you shooting this kid

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KICKED CROSSHAIR IN THE BOOOOOBS

crosshair is stereotypical-queercoded-villain-core listen to him talking

why os it raining is this pathetic fallacy

OMEGA IS THERE

ADOLESCENT HUMAN FEMALE

longass alien lady hi

the guys aer arguing

'you WANT to sit with us? that's never happened before' they're just like me fr

WAR WAR WAR FOOD FIGHGT GO GO GO

echo is fucking died

gonna go to the hairdressers and ask for the hunter bad batcg cut

this fellas got goofy pants hes observing them in the lasertag arena

this is like ultrakill thats like the drones from ultrakill

THEY FUCKING KILED WRECJER NOO someon get him a bandaid STAT

i like the sparks frkm the guns

is there a guide somewhere to interpreting these hand signals i wanna do that

GET REPROGRAMMED BITCH

HE SHOT THE KNIGE INTO ITS FACELIKE THE ULTRAKILL COUNS THATEAD FUVKUBG SICK AWESOME SO COOL holy shit

i like how Sharp goofy pants mans design is

omega: let mecome with youuuuu hunter: you are literally 12 fuck off

how is omegas head thingy attached how does that work

Creature Noises ?!

tech shut UP about his programming

there's guys ???????? like a little village

i like how you can see techs eyes it makes him look less hostile which makes sense because hes a NEEEEEEEERD

crosshair is monarchist scum sorry ✌️

BNUUY THING LOCATED

bad batch ipad theyer like bts to her /j

WHAT THE FUCK HE SHOT THE LITTLE ROBOT GUY THAT WAS SO MEAN

i hope this doesn't make me start talking in an australian accent oh god

Oh there's a guy there Oh theres many guys

oh they're naked (NO armour)

omwgas in JAIL

crosshair stop being all edgy you little bitch. 'good soldiers follow orders' youve been propaganda'd so hard boy. you are not immune to propaganda garfield image

'youre angry' NO SHIT OMEGA ok he basically just said that

is omega their tgerapist now

bruuuuh they took crosshai

homeboys being Analysed

don't intensify his programming !!!!! bitchass

this is so unethical all of it

theres so much good textures on this sjow

their BOOOBS are VISIBLE

soery i will nevr shut up about boobies

PUNCH THAT WALL BOY !!

'try it again. a little harder.' THATS WHAT SHE SAIIIIID

YEAAAA WOOOOO GET THEIR ASSES

oh my god its 2am. fucking hell i need to get to snoozin

ok i will finish the remaining 10 minutes tomorrow morning. (i did not do that, i stayed up to finish it)

they done poked around in his brain !!

oh my god the textures on this. im going insane

ah hell no he sjot wrecker in the boob

OMEGAS GOT A GUN

did they just like. abandon crosshair. i mean fair enough ig itd be pretty dangerous to try to un-fuckup his brain or what ever

omega was forced to eat cement when she was 6

oh they know a guy

--EPISODE 1 DONE--

[weirdmageddon]

ok i think i had one of the worst days of my life today. im just gonna go over everything that happened so just be prepared for some nastiness. i felt like this all day:

so i woke up feeling weird like something was “off”. it weirdly difficult to wake up and get out of bed, i felt bloated, i had an abnormal gag reflex while taking my pills. then when i got on the toilet……well idk how to put this delicately but i had a watery shitsplosion. and i was like. well ok. maybe it was just once. so i told my mom and got dressed and was just about to walk to class but i felt hot water in my colon about to be dispensed so i went right the fuck back to my dorm’s toilet. guess i was dead wrong. and dead wrong i would be. because holy shit this is only the beginning.

i sent an ask to the teaching assisant before my class saying “hey you got a zoom link i cant come in person i’m in the bathroom fighting for my life”. i would be fighting for my life in there the majority of the day.

so this is not good, i’m having a category 5 tummy event. i’m losing water quickly. i need to get hydrated.

so i rush myself to the student rec center because i know they have powerade zero in one of the vending machines. i swiped my card. “bad swipe. please try again.” i tried swiping it again twice more, both saying i had a bad swipe. i took out some physical cash and tried putting it in but the vending machine wouldn’t take it. it was broken. great.

lunch was being served at the time so from the cafeteria i got 3 bananas unfortunately all unripe, one toasted unbuttered bagel, and a handful of saltines. halfway through that i was back in the bathroom shitting my brains out. so i’m like, okay. i was talking to my mom the entire time during this btw. she is telling me i need to go to CVS for imodium. see the fucking issue with that is my asshole is leaking frothy bowel fluid unpredictably and there is absolutely nobody that can help me.

i told my RA the vending machines were broken and she told me the boar’s head sandwich shop in the cafeteria opens up at 1 and they have powerade there. so after 1 i went there, tummy very much upset and i’m just desperately clenching my cheeks like a drawbridge. they had no zero sugar powerade, just regular. i bought the powerade anyway. i’ve been trying to lose the freshman pounds i’ve been putting on and this would make that so much harder but i need the electrolytes. so i left with my powerade and as soon as i opened the door my stomach made the worst noise. like you know jerma worst noise? tummy worst noise 2022. and i swear humans can really learn quickly what signals mean because in every single one of these cases, that specific gurgling i got is a surefire signal to GET MY ASS A TOILET AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

anyway i told this to my mom. so she says i may have covid because theres some gut-related problems being recorded with the new omicron variant. but the more likely scenario is that i have a norovirus that’s causing me gastroenteritis.

my mom says to call the wellness center and i’m like really losing my mind at this point because 1. theyre not on campus. theyre on another campus. 2. what the fuck are they gonna do over the phone??? i call them anyway and i’m like starting to cry now.

there was a rapid covid testing site set up outside of boar’s head literally MINUTES before but after 2pm they took it down. i was like, full on crying now. i am absolutely in hell. long story short i called that wellness center they signed me up for their patient portal and scheduled me for a PCR and rapid covid test tomorrow which i’ll be doing. but i was like boiling with frustration at this point. none of this is solving my current fucking issue. how fucking hard is it to get someone to go to CVS and get imodium for me so i can stop the onslaught of diarrhea i am current facing.

also at this point i had to reach into the emergency stock toilet paper because we ran out. and it was hurting my asshole so bad. after this i decided that since nobody was going to help me i had to bite the onions and risk shit dripping down my pants and go to CVS myself. i bought the imodium, some pepto bismol, and a gatorade zero after waiting on line between a stupid asshole in front of me taking forever to pay and a screaming child behind me whose mother just let him carry on. i tried to get the fuck out of there. but my card didnt go through so i had to step back in and try it again. then i got the fuck out of there. and as soon as i was leaving and at the red light my stomach did the Bad Churn and i was like. fuck no. no no. but i managed to suck it back up into my colon through sheer force of mental will and gluteus muscle power.

after yelling in the car at slow drivers on the road (nearly in tears…again), i found that someone took my parking space closer to my dorm room—course—so i had to powerwalk. when i got back i went straight for the bathroom for the i dont fuckin knowth time.

my ass felt like hellfire now. like someone stuck a sour warhead candy in my asshole and it eroded the membrane. and honestly considering that diarrhea is acidic that’s basically what happened at the chemical level. couldnt find any flushable wipes at CVS so all i have is this thin, coarse toilet paper. i was in HELL. and yet it still somehow managed to get worse.

anyway at least i have my imodium. i’m told to take one after every loose stool. i brought my gatorade and the medication into the bathroom for just that. the thing is the little silver sheets they come in are IMPOSSIBLE to fucking open. i managed to tear it with my bare teeth using an unnecessary amount of force to open them.

after two imodium, i noticed my bowels started to behave. i could actually exit the bathroom and feel at peace. so i went to lay down in bed and i began writing my professors a letter saying i’m sorry for two setbacks in a row (the first was the medication notification i sent them yesterday that my meds i need to stay awake and focus still haven’t been refilled. they are now though.)

i was just so upset because i was planning on actually doing work today because i FINALLY got my meds refilled, especially a lot of work for one of my big projects, but then i was hit with this. and i was trying to find a way to write a message to my professors, especially the one for that assignment where the due dates are firm unless there’s “documented exceptional circumstances” that this isn’t a joke to get out of doing work and and this legitimately immediately proceeded my medication notice even though i dont have a doctors note for it. but i sent it and thankfully i got an understanding response from that professor.

i was fine for about an hour. i was feeling really tired, my eyelids were heavy, still feeling terrible and bloated, and headache from crying. my stomach started to feel unsettled more than usual (in terms of today’s usual), so i took a pepto. i felt like complete shit. i still needed to do laundry, i still need to take a shower. everything at once was collapsing on me and i didnt have anyone to help me. my heart started to beat more aggressively, and that is never ever a good sign for me. in the back of my mind i knew what the fuck that was signaling but i dismissed it.

my mom told me to do my laundry tomorrow and that i should just get into a shower today. so i was preparing to get into the shower. i put on my shower flip-flops in but standing up gave me the runs so i ran in with my flip-flops on on.

and when i sat down i felt really, really sick. i couldn’t dismiss the way my heart was beating now, so knowing what that meant, i asked my mom, “what if i need to puke”. and she said “you will puke honey”

and what happened next was genuinely one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

i was suddenly spewing gastric liquid from both ends. i threw the fuck up all over myself and on the bathroom floor and i ran up without having wiped to the sink and threw up in there. and i swear i like i couldnt even think. my brain’s cortex literally just collapsed in this moment. my mind went blank. i had no idea where i was or what i was doing. i couldnt fucking think, i could not fucking see, my ears were all ringing and shit. i went back to the toilet as best i could and then started to process it. and i felt like i was going to fucking die in there with no one to hear me or help me. i literally couldn’t see anything for such a prolonged time. my vision was just white and spotty and i was dizzy and breathing heavy. i was staring at the ceiling just trying to process what the fuck just happened, the mess i now have to deal with, and the implications for it made me feel like i was in a dream and i was having a nightmare. i was just literally on the toilet sopping wet from cold sweat and vomit, the majority of which was pooled in my underwear and pants, behind multiple doors that require keys to access, away from home, with none of my roommates around (my pants are pulled down which would be humiliating if they were around anyway). and given that this is some kind of virus it’s highly contagious. so i just sat there and thought nobody was going to help me, i might fucking die if not from dehydration then from brain damage because it’s been a minute and my vision still isn’t back to normal, and ive never felt so fucking helpless in my entire life.

i tried my hardest texting my mom but i couldnt fucking see what i was typing.

the symptoms were like the kind where you stand up fast except way more intense. this lasted for a solid two minutes (according to the timestamps on the messages i sent my mom)

after this my mom called me and she guided me through what i should do but just Having someone there made all the difference.

despite all this, i went into the shower and washed all the undigested green beans and peanuts from YESTERDAY (so apparently my stomach was having issues yesterday if these were undigested) out of my clothes and flushed them down the toilet, i sanitized the bathroom from head to toe with lysol wipes, took a shower for myself as i was intending to anyway but kept having anxiety waves that made me feel like i was gonna throw up again but i didn’t. miserable hell. at this point standing up made me queasy but i went back to my room and slowly opened two new garbage bags, one for my wet clothes and the other for if i had to puke again. i got up and took my smelly wet clothes hanging in the shower and stuffed them in the bag but had to take a breather. then i took the bag from inside the wastebasket, tied it up, and put in the new garbage bag and put it next to my bed if i had to puke again. then i climbed into bed in my velcro towel and headwrap and my mom stayed on with me until i was feeling better and she had to shower. been sipping my fluids to rehydrate. i laid in bed until i felt well enough to change into some pajamas. though i really wished i had someone who couldve … idk at least actively aided me though? idk why it’s always me bending over backwards for myself when im in fucking hell right now.

and here i am now writing this post. lol sorry needed to vent

[thinkingofsimpyboisinc]

hey, first of all, can i be the 🪐 anon?

second of all, simpinnit would burst into mfing tears the moment reader calls him a son, even if they were joking, tommy is going to be like "nuh uh, no take backs, you are my guardian now"

also, READER DEFENDING TOMMY⁉️⁉️ like, tommy seeing a creeper or some other mob and going "oh no, quick, stand behind me" and reader is like "uh huh, sure honey" and you stand behind him and kinda of just stare at it until it gets scared and goes away and like, tommy is aware that you're the one who made it go away, but he's like "did u see it, he got scared bcs of me!" and reader is like "yes honey, you're such a big man, how could it not" and tommy just stays there for a second trying to not cry bcs hOLY SHIT THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PARENTS—

oh, how do you think tommy would react to pet names and just being babied? like, he gets sick (maybe he's lying just so he can have our attention and reader knows it but is like "whatever") and reader is just being such a mother-hen to him and praising him and being sweethearts and tommy just enjoys it so much!

—🪐

yes, ofc you can! welcome to my blog, 🪐!

first of all, yes he would. if you say you were joking, then hed die a little on the inside but would never let you see that. he would try to make it seem like he was joking back but he would never forget it.

second of all, i know i said simpinnit was a smart kid but unless he is looking in the parental darlings direction, he wont realize what they did right away. it may take him to get jump scared by a few creepers while he is alone to catch on to what you did. tommy will never confront you though. 1. you compliment him when he claims that he scared it off. 2. parents protect their kids so youre just being his parent!

third of all, tommy is tommy. if youre babying and spoiling him then theres two ways this go. 1. he insists he doesnt need it, but if you stop for even 5 minutes, hes throwing a fit. 2. he exploits that shit. make it seem like hes so sick that he's delusional so he has an excuse to call you mom/dad. hell ask you for so much things and will even shoot his shot for forehead kisses.

about the pet names, i dont think there would be too much of a reaction. at first, hell freak out a little and stutter alot but once he gets used to it, he will just stutter a little and pretend he didnt hear it. hell still freak out internally tho.

[honeyflies05]

911 LIVE WATCH!! (SPOILERS)

HOLY OH MY GOD GUYS ITS HERE!!!

AAAAAHHHHHH

high,,,, hopes?????

…blimp….

ah yes, hating on the mother-in-law

stadium!! RECORD CROWDS

oh this girls bi, it’s in the haircut,,, and the soccer jersey

CHEESE ADJACENT

who needs an engine lol

HE CALLED 9-1-1????

ITS THE 118!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone who called most of the injuries due to mass panic,,,, you’re so smart

HOW IS THE BLIMP TEETERING THERE??

EDDIE!!!!!!!!

ATHENA<<<<<3333333

buck<3

HER HEART????

I stg if Eddie gets stuck in a blimp-

it’s so nice to see diaz on a turnout again

WHERE IS THIS GIRLS MOM

buckandeddie<<<333

Athena turning into medic Athena>>>>>>

THERES SO MANY DIFFERENT STORY LINES HAPPENING AND WE’RE ONLY 10 MINUTES IN JESUS

eddie doing stupidly dangerous things😡😡😡

was this,,,, the major disaster???

Buck: “who’s gonna get the rest of that?”

Hen: “not our problem.”

BATHENA!!!!!!!

LUCY’S BROKEN FOOT AHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHA HER NEICE!!!!!

Buck’s confused face>>>

no because Lucy as interim captain doesn’t MAKE SENSE.

interim captain han ehhhhh

CHRIS!!! EDDIE!!! BUCK!!!!!

THSI HAS TO BE WHERE THE LINE COMES IN

buck cooking❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

EDDIE AND CHRIS GANGING UP ON BUCK!!!

“ITS WEIRD” SCRSMAING ANDICHDHSHSHAHA

“maybe I don’t wanna pick the wrong couch again” …Buck…

DAD CHIM!!!!!!! DAD CHIM!!!!!

MADNEY MOMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY!!!! LOVE!!!! EACH!!! OTHER!!!!!!!!!!

oh god,,,, golf

WOODCHIPPER OH GOD

that little boy, in the yellow suit, (who’s playing golf with his dad) is so talented

HIS WEDDING RING SAVED HIM!!!

OH SHIT! HIS DAD!!!!!!

someone tweeted that the wood chipper got a twofer and I started crying from laughing omg

shameless plug go follow me on twitter @honeyflies05

BUCK TRYING TO TAKE CHARGE AJDJCUDHDHDHHSS

EDDIE<3

“what was the patient shot with?”

“my tungsten wedding ring!”

“never saw that in combat….” EDDIE?????

BOBBY LOOKING SO CONFUSED ANDJCIBDHSHSJSS

NEW 911 DISPATCHERS!!!!!

josh and maddy back together for work🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

YES!!! THEY DO STILL LOVE EACH OTHER JOSH!!!!

may having a breakdown ab college! girl I relate!!!!!!!

BOBBY WITH THE HAWAIIAN SHIRTS SNFJCICHDHJDSJSJ

bobby having a whole spreadsheet is so on brand

i know this car scene!!!

i stg there was a grey’s anatomy episode like this but with a wedding dress

the inflatable man is the star of today’s episode idc

BOBBY HOLDING HIM BACK AJDJCIDJHDAJA

sassy eddie>>>

SAWS AND JAWS!!!!!

BUCK SMILING AT THE GUY AS HE WALKS BY!!!!!!

i love one evan buckley

good thing they both got a car<3

HEN!!!! HEN!!!! HEN!!!!

tacos are the way to a besties heart

I’m so glad we’re building on the Hen Med School Arc

HARRY IS WITH MICHAEL?????

THE SAD MUSIC WHEN TALKING ABOUT BOBBY’S ALCOHOLISM????

maddie falling asleep and chim just letting her<<<<3333

ARE WE GETTING MADNEY MOMENT!!!!!!!

IF THEY KISS I WONT SHUT UP UNTIL NEXT MONDAY

IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAA

where is CHIM.

CHIMNEY. U DID NOT.

EDDIE BEING ABLE TO TALK ABOUT SHANNON CASUALLY>>>>>>>>>

new guy???🤤 NOAH!

poor kid🥲

THESE KIDS OMG THEYRE ADORABLE

MADDIE GROWTH!!!!!! MADNEY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!

they better get married!!!!!

it would be so cute if maddie proposed

buck just hopping out of HENS (???) AMBULANCE

CLIPBOARD!!!!!! BUCK!!!!!!!!!

hen and chim friendship <3333

hen: “a weapon in the wrong hands” ANDICJJXHDHDUSJWIWHDHSHSUA

“ohhh that’s what he’s been doing” LIKE YOU DIDNT KNOW

hen acting like she wasn’t the best choice

god this is so I love this

HEN BEING INTERIM CAPTAIN!!!!❤️❤️❤️

what is buck doing💀

if this leads to buck breakdown or lawsuit arc 2.0 oh,,,, oh boy

LIFE EXPERIENCE????? MY POOR BOY HAS HAD SO MUCH HAPPEN TO HIM HE HAS ENOUGH LIFE EXPERIENCE

“Is this because I don’t have a couch” BUCK!!!! YOU HAVE A COUCH!!!!!! ITS WAITING FOR YOU AT *HOME*!!!!!!!

seeing hen in that spot>>>>>

BOGGLE??????

BUCK JUST PICKING UP THE CHAIR AKDJCIFNDHJSHSSJ

JEE!!!!!!

that stupid shirt oh my god

ATHENA’S PARENTS????????

[mde1011]

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

[saturnaftertaste]

I would love to hear your thoughts on YJS3

sure! fair warning, though, I'm a ranty person by nature so this might end up being a bit long. sorry in advance ♡

anyway! things I liked:

the humor: s3 was pretty funny lmao, theres that whole collection of outta pocket scenes from throughout the season that I find hilarious each time + the humor was a little more dirty which is nice bc the audience has also grown up from the kids they might've been when they watched it on CN

dickbabs!: I'm not a huge fan of dickbabs, I prefer dickkory (no hate to dickbabs stans btw I just vibe more with dickkory) but this dynamic between the two of them was so sweet and well-balanced I couldnt help but squeal everytime they were on-screen

Clark and Conner getting along: them calling each other brothers was so CUTE I canttt

FORAGER: an absolute legend 10/10 freaking love him

That Episode With The Hallucination: mmmmmmm I miss wally. SO MUCH. and the og 6 I was Super Mad about the first timeskip so it was nice to see them all together again🥰

yeah that's about it for things I liked lmao. now time for the Much Longer list of Things I Hated:

HALO: young justice the bar was so fucking low how are you still successfully doing the limbo what the fuck. you take a muslim immigrant in what is VERY CLEARLY a hijab and 1. infantilize her to an exceptionally uncomfortable degree (I KNOW SHE WAS THE MOTHERBOX, I DONT CARE) to the point where she resembles a five-year-old with every sentence she speaks or action she takes 2. you made a visibly muslim girl claim that she's actually no longer muslim, she's just wearing the hijab as some kind of security blanket???? I'm sorry??? what the fuck were you aiming for here exactly 3. why did you have to name her violet harper. what. 4. really?? the immediate romance with brion? What the shit was up with that...you make her Muslim in some aspects like victor not seeing her hair when she brushes it but her LITERALLY making out with brion like I'm sorry what the fuck are you doing??? you had one muslim character and you fucked up so bad holy shit...like...it could've been simple as hell, man, but no...Big Yikes.

M'gann: I've said this before but I really feel like once they introduced artemis m'gann immediately became a side character whose only job is to be villainised again and again even though it doesn't really vibe with her character. Secret teams?? Lying to Conner??? This isn't s3 but that whole thing with their breakup in s2...what the shit are they doing to M'gann, man. I loved her so much in s1, she's literally trying her best after having gone through so much and it's never fully explored...like we get half explanations every season but we're never shown half the shit that we were given for artemis. And by making her the Uncool Girlfriend at points it just looks like they're trying make her easy to hate like what the fuck. no. stop it

The Plot: too overcomplicated, too many characters. It's only season three, why are you introducing Apokolips already. Why are there so many characters?? what's with all the subplots yall were switching location cards every five minutes. And it's so convoluted...like...what was going on with Beast Boy and the monkey-god-doom-patrol-exposition stuff? I can't even remember if there were two granny goodnesses or just the one. All of those meta kids left over from the last season are a cute cast but like...I was so bored??? we know you can do well-written self-contained storylines a la s1, so hop to it, yeah?

THE ANIMATION: ok ok ok so. season 1 and two (one especially) had a very distinct feeling to them and that feeling was very late-2000s Cartoon Network Action Show - the base model for the males and females is the same (like Ben 10 Alien Force) the colors were not dynamic (stayed the same no matter the lighting, lots of cel shading, and generally were realistically colored in the sense that suspension of disbelief was not entirely necessary) CHEEKBONES, gritty textures and purple skies (Batman the Brave and the Bold). overall theres a certain Tone to the earlier seasons that spoke a lot to the animation capabilities of the studios at the time, as well as the general feel of the show. however, season three was a MAJOR downgrade in terms of animation. they made it both simpler and more complicated - they started using their DCAMU animation style which while it does give muscles to the women, adds too many unneeded shadows and a strange stiffness and dullness to every character. There are now extra lines and uncessesary shadows on the face of every character, and their eyes and facial features are almost identical. There's also less highlights, and the hairstyles are way too overcomplicated now to be appealing (see mgann and dick) - the hair is unspeakably dull and and the skin tones and hair colors are painful on the eyes. This isn't even taking into account the shitty backgrounds they've started using (AHEM AHEM ARTEMIS'S KITCHEN) because while the earlier seasons may have had unappealing, mostly empty settings, the characters still fit in to the scene, unlike now.

the lack of sisterhood????: apparently, only artemis goes to see zatanna for her Dr. Fate appointments. Apparently, M'gann barely talks to Artemis after the very tragic apparent death of Wally. the two of them, dare I say even the THREE of them, should be close as hell considering they spent their early years super-heroing together on a team full of boys. M'gann LITERALLY called Artemis her sister in the SAME EPISODE she was introduced, and neither of them had any real girlfriends other than each other at this point. M'gann who fell apart so hard Artemis died in her head that she almost killed them all in her grief. Like. You're telling me, you're SHOWING me that these two aren't each other's support system? Where is the sisterhood, bitch????

Lastly: the costume design. I understand that they're constrained by the need to make it simple enough to animate, but COME ON. if you're going to borrow Diana's DCAMU/JL: War costume, at least keep the metal silver. What the fuck is that green-gold. And Tigress? god DAMN that mask is ugly. Cassie looks like she robbed a goddamn supermarket discount clothing aisle for her outfit. Why is bart's outfit Like That it's so ugly it makes me want to cry. @ young justice costume designers Please Rethink Your Decisions

that's about all I can think of right now. it got REALLY negative whoops, but theres just so much I didn't like about this season :/ hopefully the next one will better ;-;