#then we shouldn't be told we're wrong for being hurt by it

[fortunemars]

Beh me when I see someone defend ppl who neglect their daily lives and friends family and relationships to play games as (not directly quoted) "a distraction and coping mechanism to avoid (insert stupid doomer take on life)" and I'm just like.

Page break, rant below

Dude Idk about you but if you're so addicted to your games that you're refusing to leave the house or talk to people or do anything other than game, then you have some serious things to think about. Bc yes it can be a coping mechanism but there is a point where it does more harm than good.

Defending gaming addiction and saying that guys who play games 24/7 and neglect everything outside of their screens are just "struggling with coping with the horrors of life" is such an amazing way to 1- make neglected partners feel like absolute shit by telling them it's a coping mechanism and implying that getting upset about it makes them the bad person (cause that happened to me) and 2- tell people that it's okay to doom scroll through games 24/7 and ignore the world around you instead of giving them ways to ACTUALLY cope.

Yes you can cope by playing games. No you should not cope by ignoring the world around you and neglecting everything else.

Give people options to do instead, don't brush off the bad parts of a bad coping mechanism and just say it's okay bc "at least they're coping".

Btw this is absolutely not to say you can't have a hyperfixation! I'm ND, I know how intense those can be and I know how often I can get stuck doing something without even considering the outside world. What I'm talking about here is willingly choosing to ignore everything except your game so you don't have to deal with it. Avoidance is the worst thing on earth and we should not condone it in any way.

++btw I say "guys" and "men" this whole post, I just want to say that I know that isn't fair bc it's possible and very common in all genders and all types of ppl. I'm heavily biased in this conversation and I'm acknowledging that while also acknowledging that ANYONE can be neglectful or abusive especially in this way and I don't excuse any of that.

All people can be toxic, not just men and not just cis men, so don't let anyone get away with this shit bc you think it can't happen bc of their gender. Abuse does not conform to gender roles, it can happen to anyone and be perpetrated by anyone, gender doesn't change that. There are way too many people who are told and convinced that they were not/are not being abused because it doesn't match what people's idea of abuse looks like and that's horrible. Please don't downplay shitty treatment because of a person's traits.

Remember that You are the most important person in your life, you need to value yourself because if you lose yourself then there is no you to live through. Please don't avoid leaving someone who treats you like shit cause you don't want to be intense or drastic or "too much". It's not worth it to stay with someone that's hurting you. There is no excuse for abuse, you do not deserve to be hurt.

If it's safe for you, if you have somewhere to go or people able to protect you then please do not stay with a partner that is hurting you. No amount of pain inflicted on you is okay. You're never required to accept an apology, especially if there is no change. At the very least, try to accept help and ask for support. I know it can be hard to disconnect emotionally and that doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes we just need help, that's completely okay.

(and if it's not possible for you to leave safely then that's okay too, remember to stay as safe as you can, protect yourself and reach out if it's possible. You are never less valid for staying with someone if you cannot escape, you're never less valid because you've been abused. We love you and we want you to be safe, safe and alive.)

[fxllfaiiry]

─ you're the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚

✶ pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader

✶ synopsis: everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

✶ warnings: angst!! major angst. sunshine!reader x grumpy!miguel. reader is nicknamed sunflower, mentions of death.

✶ notes: there's one spanish sentence in this, I'm not good with spanish so if I've made a mistake please tell me so i can fix it! part two is already up!!!

Everyone on the team loved you from the moment you joined, everyone, except Miguel. 

You knew Miguel was cold towards everyone, but he was extra cold with you. Maybe it was because of how different your personalities were. 

You were the embodiment of sunshine, always positive in any situation, putting others before yourself. Hence why everyone calls you sunflower, it fits perfectly, Miles was proud of coming up with it. 

Miguel on the other hand was cold and distant but that didn't stop you from trying to get him to open up. You'd try to have simple conversations with him but nothing, all you would receive in reply was an eye roll or a slight grunt, but you wouldn't give up that easily. 

Like today, you got him some coffee. 

"Morning, boss. Got you some coffee." You said in your usual cheerful tone. 

"Why?" He raised his eyebrows, looking down at you suspiciously. That's the most he's said to you all week. 

"Because I wanted to." You shrugged, placing it down on his desk. 

He steped down walking towards his desk, you couldn't help but stare at him, unfortunately for you, everything about him was so attractive, it's such a shame he hated you. 

"This isn't how I like my coffee." 

"Huh?" You snapped out of your daydream at the sound of his voice. 

"The coffee, it tastes terrible. Get it from another place next time." 

"Well, actually I made it-" But he had already walked away from you not listening to a word you said. "Alright, never mind, I'll just go back to work." You mumbled hurt by his words. 

"Wait, hold on." You looked up, thinking, maybe he'll say something nice after all. 

"Yeah?" 

"Take the coffee with you, I won't be drinking it." 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Girl, why do you look so sad? Did Miguel do something again?" Jess asked with a frown, she did not like seeing you sad. 

"No."

"Sunflower…"

"Okay, yes." Miguel being cold towards you was normal, he never spoke to you unless necessary. Out of everyone here, he probably hated you the most, even more than Miles.  

"Sunflower, I've told you to stop trying." Jess sighed. 

"I know, I know… why does he hate me so much, Jess?" 

"That's just the way he is, don't overthink it. It's his loss, baby." She replied, gently patting your shoulder. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Today was going to be a good day, you were so sure of it. 

But, of course, you were wrong. 

Everything was going great up until a few hours ago. 

Miguel had assigned you on a mission to catch an anomaly, alongside a few other spider-people. His instructions were clear, stick to the plan and catch the anomaly. It was supposed to be simple. 

If only you didn't disobey him. You screwed up badly, and because of that, you could have been killed. 

"Why don't you ever listen?" Miguel shouted. No one had ever seen him this angry. 

"I was just tryin-" 

"¡Ay, por el amor de Dios!" Being yelled at by your boss in front of your coworkers was humiliating, everyone was looking at you with pity. 

"I'm sick of this, why can’t you follow simple instructions? Is it that hard to understand?" He barked, towering over you. 

"It's not a big deal." You tried to keep your composure, you didn't want to humiliate yourself further by bursting into tears. 

"Not a big deal? You could've died! A simple mistake would have ruined the whole mission." 

Don't cry. Don't cry. 

"But we're all fine, aren't we?" You weakly chuckled. That was the wrong thing to say because it only made him angrier. 

"Oh? If that's the attitude you have then you shouldn't even be on the team." Ouch. 

"Miguel, I think that's enough-" Hobie said, quickly jumping in. 

"Not now, Hobie." He growled. 

Never once did you think that you'd be in a situation like this. 

"If you put more focus on trying to be good at your job, rather than impressing me, we wouldn't even be here!" Oh, so he did notice that. 

At this point, tears were streaming freely down your face and you made no attempt to stop them. 

"Yep, you got it, boss." You smiled up at him through your tears. It was pathetic, but you did not care, you just wanted to leave and never come back. 

"Next time make sure this doesn't happen." 

"It won't happen next time." That's because there won't be a next time.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM BILLIE EILISH'S HIT ME HARD AND SOFT *  assorted lines from the album, some slightly adapted, adjust as necessary

baby, i think you were made for me.

i wish you the best for the rest of your life.

i need to confess, i told you a lie.

you were the love of my life.

i can't fall in love with you.

i see the way you want me.

i gotta be careful, gotta watch what i say.

god, i hope it all goes away.

did i break your heart?

you're just so sweet.

i don't need to breathe when you look at me.

keep it brief.

you seem so paranoid.

if this is how i die, that's all right.

open up the door for me.

i just want you to touch me.

i've never paid this much attention to you, ever.

i want you to stay.

i'll love you 'til the day i die.

i want you to see how you look to me.

you're so full of shit.

if you go, i'm going too.

we should stick together.

did you take my love away from me?

i never did you wrong.

fell in love for the first time with a friend.

it's a good time.

you told me it was war.

if it's forever, it's even better.

i don't know what i'm crying for.

call me when you're there.

i bought you something rare.

it's a craving, not a crush.

people say i look happy.

the old me is still me and maybe the real me.

i think she's pretty.

can you open up the door?

am i acting my age now?

i'll run a shower for you like you want.

if i'm allowed, i'll help you take them off.

bring that over here.

i need to be alone now, i'm taking a break.

am i already on the way out?

when i step off the stage, i'm a bird in a cage.

you said i was your secret.

the internet is hungry for the meanest kind of funny.

do you still cry?

i loved you for so long.

i could eat that girl for lunch.

tastes like she might be the one.

i don't know why i called.

i don't know you at all.

i could never get enough.

you need a seat? i'll volunteer.

i'm interested in more than just being your friend.

do you know how to bend?

when i come back around, will i know what to say?

there's a part of me that recognizes you.

do you feel it, too?

when you told me it was serious, were you serious?

they tell me it's all been a trap.

no, don't say that.

did i waste your time?

i tried to be there for you.

you said you'd never fall in love again because of me.

i love you, don't act so surprised.

things fall apart and time breaks your heart.

i wasn't there, but i know.

you don't need to remind me.

i should put it all behind me, shouldn't i?

did i cross the line?

good things don't last.

life moves so fast.

every time you touch me, i just wonder how she felt.

i know you didn't mean to hurt me, so i kept it to myself.

i'm trying my best to keep you satisfied.

you don't wanna know how alone i've been.

we don't have to fight when it's not worth fighting for.

you don't wanna know what i would've done.

i loved you and i still do.

just wanted passion from you.

it's not my fault, i did what i could.

you made it so hard like i knew you would.

after i left, it was obvious.

we're so glad it's over now.

say you miss me.

don't be afraid of me.

please don't call the cops.

bet i could change your life.

i tried to save you, but i failed.

i hope you'll read it this time.

i left a calling card so they would know that it was me.

i memorized your number.

if something happens to him, you can bet that it was me.

i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you.

i thought we were the same.

he never learned to sympathize with anyone.

i don't blame you, but i can't change you.

it's over now.

[hawkinsbnbg]

Steve decided to bottom for the first time and found a willing partner in a bar he frequented.

tags: light feminization, watersports, shameless smut, one-night stands to lovers.

ao3

The bar was as crowded as ever, but Steve didn't let his eyes wander too long before clocking on his target for the night.

The man was far different from his usual type; tattoos, chunky silver rings, piercings, silk maroon shirt, dark jeans, and heavy boots.

But he was exactly what Steve needed tonight, someone who could take charge and hurt him good.

He waved down the bartender—Tony—and bought a drink for his potential one-night stand.

Eddie—the handsome stranger had introduced—was both who he expected and not expected to be.

The man was intimidating, eyes dark and sharp as they regarded Steve under the dim colorful lights. He smiled like a shark that smelled the blood when Steve tried to flirt.

And yet, he also made Steve feel at ease with light-hearted bantering. His touches were casual and soothing but still sent tingles down Steve's spine. His attention was always on Steve while they talked, which flattered him to no end.

Once they entered the hotel room, Eddie was on him instantly, kissing and pushing him toward the bed without hesitation.

Before he knew it, his clothes were shed and Eddie was sitting between his legs, big hands roaming his hairy thighs and lean muscles appreciatively.

"Anything I need to look out for, sweetheart?" Eddie asked while opening a lube bottle.

Steve licked his lips nervously. In a sense, he was a virgin. Though anal sex wasn't a foreign concept to him, this was his first time trying it himself.

After he told Eddie as much, the man seemed more excited for some reason.

Then, he offered to prep Steve.

"Gonna take good care of you, pretty angel," Eddie placed a small kiss on his knee as those long fingers stretched him and stroked his inside.

Steve whined and arched his back, feeling small and vulnerable all of a sudden.

He couldn't stand it.

"T– That's enough," Steve tried to squirm away, but a firm grasp on his waist stopped him.

"We're only two fingers so far, sweetheart," explained Eddie patiently. "We still need two more so you won't be hurt."

"I don't need it," Steve insisted.

Normally, people didn't need that much to let him in and he was already considered impressive. Eddie couldn't be bigger than that.

Yet, he was proved wrong when Eddie said nothing and pulled out his half-hard dick. It seemed, the man's caution was warranted.

"Are you a fucking horse or something?" Steve gaped, feeling ridiculously aroused and stupid at the glaring difference in their sizes.

Eddie only chuckled in amusement and went back to fingering him until he was nearly out of his mind and begged to be fucked.

The man was way too big for a first-timer, that was for sure. And Steve had half a mind to giggle at his luck. His first experience with anal and he had somehow picked a fucking beast.

Once Eddie was seated fully inside him, he convulsed and reached his climax instantly, too sensitive after the hour-long prep the man had done on him.

And when Eddie started moving, he was a delirious and moaning mess.

Steve just laid there uselessly, shaking and rolling his eyes back. His softened cock kept twitching and spurting, creating a mess on his belly.

It shouldn't feel this good being dicked down.

But it was good. Too good, in fact, that he couldn't stop babbling pleas and choking out high-pitched moans as he was fucked slowly and thoroughly.

In turn, Eddie kept kissing him; his sweaty temples, puffy eyelids, tear-stained cheeks, and swollen lips.

Kept gazing at him with fondness that made Steve weak.

Kept stroking his trembling body, leaving marks on his skin and carving those sweet names into his flesh, turning his inside into molasses.

"You're doing so good for me, babygirl," Eddie murmured before licking into his mouth, swallowing every embarrassing noise and stuttering breath.

The man treated him so tenderly as if they were making love instead of just two lonely bodies seeking warmth from each other.

As if Eddie truly cherished him.

It drove him crazy. Made him cry and overstimulated.

He had come to this man asking for pain, but what he got instead was those sweet pet names and loving kisses.

Steve never felt so adored before in his life, and didn't expect to be given the exact thing he had been yearning for by a mere stranger.

The irony elicited a laugh from him. Tears streamed down from his eyes, painting his cheeks red and sticky.

Eddie kissed them dry.

Tasted the bitterness of his sorrows and pounded into him stronger and deeper, making his head empty, making him feel good and forget about everything that hurt him.

"Eddie," he mewled and trembled, hanging onto the man above him like a lifeline.

"I'm here, sweetheart," Eddie held him close, letting him nestle in those strong arms, shielding him away from the pain and sadness even just for a night.

Steve sobbed. He bit and scratched his blunt nails on the broad shoulders and back, wanting to leave his marks on this man who had offered him kindness.

He wanted to make Eddie remember, to think about him long after they parted ways.

Because he knew he would miss the man fiercely once they were done, would miss the heat and desire in those dark brown eyes, the softness of those plump lips, and the gentleness of those calloused hands.

Steve knew he was too easy. Falling for the first man who spread his legs open.

But he didn't have a choice when Eddie was so good for him.

Praised him sweetly, lit him on fire with mindless pleasure and filthy kisses, and fucked him until he was tongued-tied and cross-eyed.

It was a dream that he never wanted to wake up from.

He writhed and moaned when Eddie kept knocking into his prostate despite knowing fully well what the stimulation would do to him.

"Gonna, gonna pee," he wailed, trying to push Eddie away and out of him.

But his body was more honest, it kept clamping down to lock the thick cock inside him.

Eddie groaned and pinched his nipple. "You sure, baby?"

Steve jolted and relaxed slightly. Of course, he was sure. Because it was what had happened when Eddie fingered him earlier.

It was humiliating enough to interrupt Eddie and ask the man to retreat those fingers so he could go relieve himself.

Steve didn't want to imagine what Eddie would think of him now.

"Let me go," he begged, even sobbing a little because all of this was so unfair.

He was feeling good. He didn't want to stop just to placate his annoying bladder.

In response, Eddie only chuckled and fucking slammed into his prostate again, punching a spurt of fluid out of him. It was waterier than precum and Steve knew he was already on a thin line.

"W– What are you doing??" He widened his eyes, staring at Eddie in shock and disbelief.

"Helping you pee," Eddie answered with an easy smile while continued abusing his prostate ruthlessly.

"G– Gross," Steve whined and his cock was suddenly hard again.

The thought of dirtying himself under those dark and watchful eyes turned him on like no other.

Fuck. Eddie had messed him up so badly.

This was new territory to him and Steve found himself already acclimated with it.

"You love it, don't you?" Eddie smirked knowingly, hips slapping loudly against the swell of Steve's ass. "My naughty girl?"

And that was it. Steve whimpered and gave up his control, shuddering as Eddie fucked the piss out of him.

He fluttered around Eddie's cock wildly, shaking and quaking as he gushed and wet himself and the sheets.

Moaning lowly, Eddie leaned down to capture him in a bruising kiss, wicked tongue fucking his mouth, drenching his chin with spit and drool, filthy and obscene.

It didn't take Steve long to reach his second orgasm.

Eddie followed him a few seconds later, filling the condom with hot cum that Steve wished would be deep inside him instead.

After Eddie pulled out carefully, the man collapsed beside him and they both spent a moment recollecting themselves.

Once Steve regained his senses, he sat up to maybe get up from the bed, find his clothes, and leave.

It had become one of his routines at this point, and though he wanted to cuddle, he wasn't sure if Eddie would be up for it.

But an arm around his waist had halted his movement.

"Where are you going?" A husky voice sounded in his ear.

"Uh, I just," Steve stammered, taken aback by the possessive gesture.

"Was the sex good?" Eddie nosed at the side of his neck.

"Y- Yes," he gulped dryly as those deft fingers roved on his chest.

"Was I good for you, sweetheart?" Sharp teeth nipped at the tip of his ear.

"Yes," he leaned back and craned his neck to murmur against those hot lips. "You were."

Eddie turned him around gently and cupped the side of his face. "Do you want to do it again with me?"

Steve met those brown eyes, so warm and loving and all for him. Somehow, he understood that this wasn't just about sex.

Smiling softly, he leaned into the touch. "Yes, if you have me."

Eddie smiled back, vibrant and sweet like honey. The man kissed him, slow and tender, before guiding him to lie down on the mattress once more.

"Now, we cuddle," Eddie gathered him to the sturdy chest and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. "Then, we'll take a shower together, order something to eat, and go to sleep."

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna treat you to breakfast, then lunch, and dinner, " Eddie kissed him again, eyes gleaming with joy. "I'm gonna take you out, gonna buy you flowers, gonna give you everything you want, sweetheart."

Steve snorted. "Just say you're gonna spoil me rotten."

"And you deserve it," Eddie gazed at him fondly. "You deserve the whole world, baby."

Steve felt his breath hitch and his heart flustered.

Giving Eddie a dopey smile, he snuggled up into those protective arms and let the sweet doze claim him.

Afterward, he would learn that Eddie had been crushing on him for months but didn't have enough courage to approach him until that fateful night.

He would kiss his boyfriend silly and let the man know that he was the best thing that ever happened to him.

And they would spend the rest of their lives doting on each other.

[ponderingmoonlight]

How megumi would react if you got jumped and reader doesn't want him to find out

"You aren't walking as elegant as usual."

As soon as you realize that it's none other than your crush Megumi Fushiguro behind you, you flinch. Fuck, he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't see you like this.

"W-What? I'm alright, don't worry", you try to laugh him off.

But the second you want to keep going again, he firmly grabs your wrist.

Fuck, you should have been more careful yesterday. Megumi asked over and over to assist you because the mission was displayed as dangerous, because he knows exactly how reckless you can be. And now you're stuck with that hole in your thigh, too proud to allow even Shoko a look. If he finds out...

You shake your head in panic while trying to get away from him, only to get thrown into his arms.

"I know you are hurt. What happened yesterday?", he questions, his low voice and breath caressing your cheek making shivers run down your spine.

Oh, there's definetely no way out of this. The second you get lost in his dark blue eyes, you lose the ability to lie.

"Well...Somehow I wasn't paying attention and..."

"And?", he requires.

"And somehow...I got hurt?"

His jaw tenses up almost immediately and before you realize what is happening, you find yourself lying inside his arms, moving by the force of his body.

"What...What are you doing?", you cry out.

"You really need to be more careful and see Shoko. What if your wound gets infected, what if it rips open? (y/n), I really can't afford losing you."

All of the sudden, the pain you felt all day and night coming from your throbbing leg is gone in thin air. It's only you and him. Megumi, who just told you that he doesn't want to lose you.

There is no way to escape the merciless blush that creeps up your face in an instant, not even your hands being able to cover your tomato-red face fully.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Are you not feeling well?", Megumi questions, making everything even worse.

"No, I'm alright! Everything's fine!", you shriek.

"(y/n)..."

His hands fight in a desperate battle against your fingertips, try to remove them from your face.

"Get away from my face?"

"What's wrong? Let me look at you-"

"NO!"

"Now why on earth can't you two just go out together already?", Shoko interrupts, leaving both of you in silence.

"You got hurt again?"

You nod.

"And you are worried again?"

Megumi nods.

"Fine. If you promise me that you'll go out after we're done, I'll treat you, (y/n)."

"We will", Megumi assures almost instantly.

"Well, that answer came pretty fast..."

[sage-green-matcha]

FIGHT OR FLIGHT - ETHAN LANDRY ✈️

“It’s my move, fight or flight?” - Conan Gray

Content includes: gf! Ethan Landry, angst, betrayal…slight mention of reader getting horny ab sweaty Ethan (relatable) 😭

A/n: I literally adore Conan sm! I’ve been a fan of him for years and idk why I haven’t written anything based off his work! Hope u enjoy :)

<3

<3

<3

Well, fight or flight...I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you.

You swore your heart stopped as ghost face revealed himself. Ethan Landry, the so-called love of your life. The signs flashed in your face, but you were too in love to care.

"Y/n, hi sweet thing" You felt too betrayed to respond. All you felt was regret, anger, sadness. It filled every pore in your body and you felt like your heart was being stabbed thousands of times. God, you felt so stupid. You should've known. You shouldn't have let your heart get in the way of things.

Fight or flight?

Ethan knew it probably wasn't a good idea, to make you choose between him or your friends. But he did know you loved him, and he had manipulated you enough for you to think he was the only one who would ever love you.

"Come on Y/n, get the easy way out. It's life or death here" Quinn taunted you with her knife, Ethan watching you with curiosity.

"Y/n, don’t go with them. We can beat them together” Your eyes were watering, Sam’s figure blurry as she talked to you. "I can't, I can't pick" the answers was obvious. You had to pick your friends. But something inside of you told you to go with Ethan.

I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you.

"We're waiting Y/n. Come on babe, you know you love me. I love you, I always will and I always have. Don't tell me all our time spent together meant nothing to you"

You didn’t want to admit it, that you loved him. He meant everything to you, but did you still feel the same after he revealed himself? You weren’t sure.

You knew you shouldn't listen, but it was so tempting. It felt wrong, to feel your core heat up at the sight of Ethan’s sweaty face. He looked so hot with a knife in his hand.

You started to question your sanity. He’s a killer, he killed Anika and who knows how many other people? But…he was your killer.

“What’s it gonna be Y/n?” You stood in between Ethan and Sam and Tara. “Don’t do it Y/n, please” Mascara ran down Tara’s cheeks, her hair and face sweaty.

You glanced back at the sisters before walking towards Ethan, cuddling yourself into his arms. “Y/n? Please, why?” Their lips spilled with cries, feeling betrayed by your decision.

“Shut up” Quinn’s words came out angrily, frustration shutting the sisters up.

“That’s my girl, now sit and look pretty while we work” He placed a kiss on your head and then your lips. The taste of blood in his mouth made you feel sick.

“Fuck you, Y/n. Hope you fucking burn in hell” Sam’s words hurt, but they wouldn’t mean anything after she was dead. This was the only way to survive. Also, you had the one thing you’d always wanted, Ethan Landry.

It's my move, fight or flight?

[heavyhitterheaux]

Drive Safe Part 3

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Our wild ride has come to an end 🥹😘

Synopsis: You confront your best friend for what she did to you behind your back all while trying to make sense of your future with Jack. The ultimate question is, are you willing to give your ex-husband another chance?

Pairing: Ex-husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-wife!Reader

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

After hearing Taylor confess what you had heard Jack tell Urban left you in a daze. So, he in fact was telling the truth, however your best friend or someone who you thought was your best friend went behind your back and betrayed you. Never did you think that in a million years that she would do something like this and try to play innocent and continue on with life as usual as if nothing happened.

“Y/N, I know you're pissed at me and for good reason and I know I shouldn't have done it and…”

You immediately cut her off.

“Let me ask you something. Did you honestly think that you could do that and ultimately get away with it? Yes, me and him have our issues but stepping out on one another because of a disagreement has never been a reality. No matter how mad at each other we are. Bottom line, you took advantage of him being in a vulnerable stage. Even if I am still very mad at him, I'm going to defend him when someone does him wrong. And in this case, you were in fact… wrong.”

“I…”

“I thought that at least you were one of the last people I could count on to have my back, but low and behold you wanted my man for yourself. Everyone has treated me like shit since this first happened and since obviously my feelings don't matter to you or anyone else, there's nothing left for me to say. We are done here and you can forget about being their godmother. Lose my number and do not call me again for as long as you live.”

“Wait, just….. we're throwing our friendship away over a mistake I made? I confessed and I apologized. I don't know what came over me to do that and deep down I knew it wasn't right. But I just….”

“A mistake you hid from me for damn near two years and it wasn't a mistake actually. I had my suspicions, but I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking no, there's no way in the world that my best friend would do that to me. You were in your right mind and knew what you were doing. And to think I trusted you. I've told you things In confidence that I have never told anyone else and you just….I need to leave. And you can pick up the tab since you want to be kissing other people's husbands.”

“It’s never going to happen again, I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

“You've already lost me as a friend from the moment you tried to kiss Jack. It's not going to happen again, because you are going to stay as far away as possible from us. Did you really think that I would forgive you for doing something like that to me? You broke my trust and that is not something that cannot be repaired overnight. Oh, and one last thing, I knew what you did for months now and was just simply waiting for you to confess.”

Taylor was sitting there absolutely stunned and unable to speak. And it looked as if her eyes were starting to water.

“Didn't think it was going to take this long, but here we are. I'm taking my food to go and have the day you deserve. And you can save your tears for someone who actually cares.”

Without another word, you slid back from the table and went to the front of the restaurant to let them know that you wanted your order to go and that Taylor would be paying for it. 

Once you got outside in your rental car, the tears started to roll down your face. You were proud of yourself, but also hurting. You felt that at this point, you didn't have anyone anymore and you simply wanted to go back home to Louisville or Atlanta rather and be away from it all. Because Atlanta was the only place where you felt that your life actually made sense. Louisville held too many memories for you and every single one of them had to do with Jack. 

You had gotten back to the beach house in record time and stared at your phone contemplating if you were going to call Jack or not to let him know that you had talked to Taylor. Making your way inside, you sat everything down in the kitchen before making your way upstairs to the bedroom since your desire to eat anything was now gone. You picked up your phone and then shook your head and placed it on the dresser before the tears started falling again.

If you knew the shitstorm that would happen when Jack asked for you to marry him, you probably would have never done it. But who were you kidding? You knew deep down that you still would have said yes despite what was going on around you at the present moment. Did you see yourself marrying him again? Only time would be able to tell. The most important thing that you needed to focus on right now was trying to heal. 

Jack played with his phone in his hands contemplating calling your older sister, Danielle, but had a strong feeling that she wouldn't want to hear anything that he had to say.

But he had to try.

He was willing to do absolutely anything to get you to forgive him and get him to marry him again. Even though you told him that marriage was definitely off the table, in the back of his mind and deep down he knew that if he wasn't able to get married to you again that he wouldn't get married again at all. You were the love of his life and he ruined it.

Before he backed out, he quickly hit her number to call her as his heart was damn near beating out of his chest.

And now he was hoping she didn't answer. 

But luck wasn't on his side and she did.

“Hello?”

“Dani, it's Jack.”

“I know. I have something called caller id on my iphone.”

“Umm….”

“What do you need?”

“Um, for your little sister to stop ignoring my calls and talk to me.”

All Dani did was scoff before responding.

“And you think that you deserve to talk to her after what you did?” Dani asked and now Jack was starting to regret ever picking up the phone to call her.

“Dani, she's pregnant.”

“I am aware. I was there when she took the test. What's your point?”

“Dani, please. I just want her to talk to me so she can hopefully forgive me and we can get back together.”

“Jack, I told you to do one thing when it came to her. ONE. Do you remember what that was?”

“Take care of her.”

“Hmm, and did you do like I asked?”

“Well…”

“No. You didn't. Instead you hurt my baby girl and quite frankly, I’m surprised she stayed with you as long as she did. That girl LOVES you and would do anything for you, but instead you let your little fame get to your head. As much as she would call me crying all times of the night over you, you honestly think you deserve to be in a relationship with her again?”

“I know I've messed up and that I've hurt her, but all I want to do is make it right. I don't want anyone else or be married to anyone else. I didn't even want to sign the divorce papers!”

All Dani did was sigh before responding.

“You better listen to me and listen to me good. I will do what I can, but it is ultimately her decision. If she gets back with you, fine. I'll support it. If she doesn't, I'm also going to support it. But one thing I'm not going to tolerate is you disrespecting her. That is the mother of three of your big headed children so give her the respect she deserves. She's in Miami and I'm going to check on her so I'll do my best to see if she’ll talk to you. No promises.”

“That's literally all I ask.”

“But if she says no, unless it has to do with your unborn children, you better leave her the fuck alone.”

Not realizing that you fell asleep after confronting Taylor, you woke up to see that it was dark outside and had no clue what time it was. Grabbing your phone and wincing from the light as you put your password in, you saw that it was around nine at night.

Sighing to yourself, you threw the comforter away from your body to make your way downstairs to come face to face with your older sister who was currently sitting in the living room and scrolling away on her phone. 

Hearing your footsteps come up behind her, she quickly greeted you.

“Lil Bit, I thought you were going to sleep until next week.”

“Uh? What are you doing here?” You sleepily asked as you rubbed your eyes.

“Don't you think I know when you need me?”

“I'm fine.”

“Are you?” She asked as you came to sit across from her.

You wanted to say yes, that you were indeed in fact fine, but the words just weren't coming out. Instead, something else did.

“I miss him and I HATE myself for feeling like this.” You breathed out while wrapping your arms around yourself.

“It's not like it was a one night stand. You two were MARRIED. And have known each other since you two were fourteen. That doesn't go away overnight. There's going to be ups and downs with healing from that. It isn't linear.”

“But I'm just so MAD at him for what he did. No matter how much he tries to take it back and apologize, what's done is done. And that song felt like a legit slap to the face.”

“He's not perfect, but neither are you. He definitely could have gone about it a different way, but what's done is done and the only thing you can do is move forward from it.”

“He called you, didn't he?” You asked as you were eyeing Dani.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“DANIELLE….”

“He did and in not so many words, begged for me to convince you to talk to him and to stop ignoring his calls.”

“And? What did you tell him?”

“After I threatened him, I said that I would try to convince you, but no promises. He has a show in Miami in two days so I figured you two can talk then. If you want to, that is.”

“I don't know If I want to.” You answered being completely honest. 

“You said you missed him.”

“I miss a lot of things, but I've learned to adjust.”

“You aren't adjusting. You're avoiding it.”

“I don't remember asking for a therapy session.”

“Look, I get that you're hurting and want to take some time for yourself, but you cannot keep this bottled up because you are legit going to explode.” 

“What are people going to say if I take him back?”

“Who gives a flying fuck? That's your business and no one else's. Two people would be in that relationship and not the entire world.”

“But he legit disrespected me multiple times.” 

“Y/N, if you are looking for me to tell you what to do, it’s not going to happen. In the end, this has to be a decision that you have to live with. No one else. Just know that whatever you decide, I will support you 100%.”

Before you answered her, you simply sighed.

“What venue is he performing at on Saturday?”

—-

Saturday finally rolled around and you had been on edge for the entire day. The time for you to leave was inching closer and closer and you were seriously about to back out of it altogether. Taking a deep breath, you gave yourself a once over in the floor length mirror at your black dress that you were wearing along with a pair of your Steve Madden sandals and was satisfied with how the outfit came together. You had straightened your hair earlier in the day, so the only thing left to do was to confront him.

You had been confronting a lot of people lately and wanted for this to be the end of it.

Dani volunteered to go with you and the two of you rode in silence to the venue with her taking quick glances at you to see that you were scrolling on your phone from time to time. Once the two of you arrived and made your way inside, Jack was already on stage and Urban had quickly spotted the two of you.

“Hi Urby.” You said as he engulfed you in a bear hug.

“Hey, didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“I didn’t know either until two days ago.”

“He’ll be happy to see you. Come this way so I can take you two backstage so you can watch from the side.”

“Hmm, we’ll see if that still rings true after I talk to him.”

All Urban did was hold his hands up in defense before shrugging since he knew that you were just about at your wits end with everything that had been going on. 

You and Dani quickly followed behind Urban and since everyone recognized you, you were able to get backstage with no problem. But you also knew in the back of your mind that your so-called ex-best friends were probably there as well, right along with Neelam. And of course she had spotted you.

“Y/N?”

“The one and only unless there’s another one that I don’t know about?” You quickly said to her as Dani stifled a laugh.

“Can we…?” She started to say, but you immediately cut her off.

“No. I’m here for one person and one person only. If I wanted to talk to any of the rest of you, I would have told you. I’ll let you know when I’m ready whenever that time comes.”

“I.. fair enough. You both can come over here to watch him from the side.”

It took less than five minutes for Jack to spot you standing on the side and he got the biggest smile on his face and you simply gave him a tight lipped smile in return. You did your part of willing to open the lines of communication, but if it was something that you didn’t want to hear, you were immediately going to cut it off.

Once his set was over, he quickly jogged off the stage towards you and opened his arms for a hug which surprisingly you actually returned.

You had missed this feeling. 

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” You asked him and he quickly nodded as he led the two of you to his dressing room.

Once the door was closed, you let him have it. 

“Babe? Is everything okay? What are you doing here? And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“Don't call me that, Jackman. You lost the privilege to do so. But let’s just cut to the chase shall we? You called Dani to get me to talk to you so here I am. Now onto my most pressing question, why didn't you tell me what Taylor did?” 

Jack, obviously taken aback, cleared his throat before answering you. And all he did was rock back and forth on his heels before sighing.

“Because I didn't think you would believe me if I had told you when it originally happened.”

“But not to say anything at all? You were supposed to protect me, we're supposed to protect each other! I had the fakest person under my nose for the longest and you said NOTHING.”

“I…. I didn't know what to do. You already didn't want to be bothered with me and I didn't want to create an even bigger mess. Wait, she told you?”

“Yes and kept asking me before she did if you had said something to me first.”

“I'm sorry, and I know that I should have. I would never cheat on you no matter how mad I might be. You mean too much to me for me to do that.”

“Hmm, your actions lately say otherwise. You hurt me with that shit you pulled and should have come and talked to me.”

“I know and I don't have an excuse for it. I just wish we could start over and just forget that any of this ever happened.”

“Do you honestly think that you deserve another chance?”

“Dani legit said the same thing.” He mumbled before taking a seat next to you and grabbing your left hand which was still decorated with your wedding ring. Except it wasn’t on your ring finger.

He began to play with it as he was waiting for you to say something.

“How do I know that something like this won’t ever happen again?” You asked and that was when he finally looked up at you.

“Because we’re going to communicate better and be honest with each other about how we’re feeling. That was my biggest downfall.”

“Hmm.”

“And I need to put you first. You were the one who was with me when I had absolutely nothing and I lost sight of that. Anytime I needed you, you were there but I didn’t give you that same treatment in return.”

“I want to believe you, I really do because I miss you, but… I just don’t know.”

“Y/N, please. Things are going to be different this time.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know if I’m at that point where I want to find out or not.” You answered being completely honest.

“Well, how long do you think that will take? You know I’m willing to wait. I legit do not want anyone else.”

“Only time will tell.” You shrugged while looking at him.

When he didn’t say anything else, you simply let go of his hand and began to get up.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I did what you asked and I came and heard what you had to say, did I not?”

“Yes, but…”

“And now I’m leaving.”

“Baby girl, just…”

“Just, what, Jack? Just what? You said your piece and I’ve said mine. When I’m ready to take you back, you’ll know.” 

“I love you and I want this. I want us.” He said as he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

“Yes, you’ve made that very clear and you’ve done it more than once.”

“At least just spend the night with me, let me take you out.”

“Maybe some other time. I’m pretty tired. I am pregnant, the last time I checked.”

“Okay, I get that. Some other time then.”

Jack then stood up and gave you another long embrace as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

You then felt him cup your cheek and knew he wanted to kiss you. You wanted to kiss him too, but you definitely weren’t letting him back in that easily.

Instead of meeting his lips with yours, he met your cheek since you had turned your head and you heard him sigh.

“When I fully forgive you, you can give me as many kisses as your heart desires, but until then I need you to remember something for me.”

“What is it?

“Remember one thing, I'm not your girl.” You whispered against his lips before smirking and laughing to yourself as you made your way to the door of the dressing room.

“Drive Safe tonight, Jackman.” Was the last thing you said before you disappeared on the other side of the door leaving him absolutely speechless.

[wolfgirl-sister]

"We need to have a talk."

"Is this about grades? You know I'm still not planning on college."

"No, it's not that. It's... a delicate matter."

"What's going on?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but your sister has feelings for you."

"Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"She's in love with you, and from what I can tell, it's more than just a crush."

"You're joking, right? You really shouldn't j—"

"It wouldn't be a very funny joke, would it?"

"Are you sure you're not misreading things? It could be anything."

"She's been losing sleep, and she's barely eating. Her grades have been dropping, and you know she's a good student. I asked her what was wrong, and... she told me everything."

"What's everything?"

"I'll leave that for her. It's not my place to meddle, and I wouldn't have betrayed her confidence if I didn't think it was important."

"That's... Is she okay? I noticed she seemed quiet lately, but I thought that was just because I wasn't around..."

"We're going out to eat later tonight, her choice, and I'm writing her a note to bring to school so she can have a couple of days off to rest. It might not be fair, but I need to ask a favor of you."

"Yeah, of course. Anything, if it helps her."

"It's not my place to dictate how you two feel about one another. If you reciprocate her feelings and you two decide to act on them, I'm happy to support you. If you don't, I can help make sure that she's keeping healthy boundaries."

But first, I need you to promise that you'll spend time with her. She needs you right now, and I don't think there's anyone that can fill your place for her. Second... Please don't break her heart. Her feelings for you are serious, and you need to take that into consideration."

"I wouldn't. I would never hurt her."

"Good. And one more thing: Being young and not having relationship experience can make things difficult, even moreso when there's a stigma like this. I know it might feel weird, but you can always come to me if you need help."

"Wait, as in...?"

"You're going to need relationship advice sooner or later, and I'll do my best to help you two."

"You're acting like it's a given that we're getting together."

"I've done your laundry for the past 17 years. There's only so many times I can find your sister's panties in your hamper before it stops being a coincidence. You're lucky that I didn't say anything when I replaced the ones you stained."

"Mom!"

[nomoreusername]

Never Forgotten

Pairing:Minho x female reader

Summary:When Minho keeps ending up in the Med-hut, you realize the only thing he needs is your attention.

It wasn't his usual behavior. I mean Minho was nothing less than determined to find a way out. I've seen that man try to run in the Maze after throwing up his breakfast. If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is.

That's why I'm more than concerned about him. He shouldn't be begging to stay in the Med-hut. If he ever, ever wanted to miss a day of running, something is genuinely wrong.

"You're telling me you don't realize what's happening?"Jeff sighed as I looked over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"We always have to fight Minho to get down here when he's hurt, right?"

"Yeah,"I nodded.

"And he'll argue that he's not until he's blue in the face and throwing up?"

"I definitely remember that."

"And he still tries to say he's fine anyway?"

"What's your point?"

"My point is that him coming in for some unknown sickness is not something he would do."

"I know. That's why I'm worried about him,"I shrugged, trying to wrap my head around his words.

"Oh, he definitely wants you to be,"Clint said in a smug voice, borderline smirking.

"What are you shanks on about?"

"What we're pointing is that ever since you started hanging out with Chuck more, he sure does seem to get mysteriously hurt,"Jeff explained.

"Oh please. He's the last person who would fake an illness to get my attention,"I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the ridiculous thought.

"He's also the last person to admit that he needs it,"Jeff reasoned.

"He'd actually break his leg before doing that,"Clint added.

"Minho's not clingy. He's fine being apart from me."

"Well, he also still really likes his girlfriend. We see you two holding hands during Greenie night. Sneaking off to get into some trouble,"Clint grinned.

"We're walking around and talking, you idiot,"I honestly told them. I swear I lose brain cells every time he opens his mouth.

"But you've been with Chuck during Greenie night's lately, haven't you?"

"My boyfriend is not jealous of a twelve year old,"I said firmly, surprised that was a sentence I even had to say. Besides, he likes Chuck. He may not be around often, but he'll never not stop and talk if he has the time. Even if they're not best friends, they know each other more than well enough. They'll probably never be attached at the hip, but it's not rare to see the pair enjoying a meal together or just hanging out during some free time.

"No, but he hasn't been getting all his hand holding and kissy kissy-"

"It doesn't like you two have been hanging out that much,"Jeff thankfully cut him off.

"So he's faking a sickness for my attention?"I clarified.

"No klunk."

"Definitely."

"Huh,"I mumbled, glancing over at him again. Truly and actually looking him over, I saw that on the surface, there was not a single thing out of place. He wasn't devoid of color or sweating. He wasn't coughing or throwing up. He wasn't shivering or drowsy. He was just sitting there, completely chill.

"You see it now?"

"Yeah. I do,"I admitted, looking at them again.

"So what are you gonna do then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we can't just let him stay. If there's nothing wrong and someone sick actually comes in, then there actually will be. So how are you going to get him out of here?"

Resting my chin on my hand, I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to figure out a solution to this. After all, they're definitely and unfortunately right. He can't stay, but he obviously doesn't want to leave. That's more than a problem.

"You do that one more time, I'll get Alby on your shuckface!"Newt yelled from outside.

That's it. I know what I need to do.

"How scared are you guys of Alby?"I asked slowly.

"Terrified."

"Not scared at all."

"Great. That's promising,"I mumbled.

"But if it gets him out of here, I'll do whatever you need me to,"Clint said quickly.

"You think you can cover up two missing people?"

"Who says I haven't done it before?"

"Yeah. I think we can handle that,"Jeff assured me.

"Great, because you're both going to have to today."

"What's the plan?"

"That's for me to know, and you two to help me with without ever finding out."

"That's a terrible answer."

"What would be worse is dealing with an actually ill Minho,"Jeff pointed out.

"That is a fantastic answer."

"Yeah. I know it is."

♡ - - - ♡

I told Minho that he felt kind of cold. I played dumb to him feigning an illness to have my attention.

Because while it takes a bit more effort, it's way more rewarding to actually give it to him.

Walking with him towards the Deadheads, I smiled as our shoulders brushed together.

"Where exactly are we going?"He asked.

"Just around,"I lied. As he nodded I slowly took his hand in mine. Tightly lacing our fingers together, I smiled as I led him almost out to the open. Looking over, I saw him wearing a subtle grin at the touch.

"Right here,"I spoke up, taking him with me up the small hill. Accepting it, he let our arms dangle as he seemed to forget all about his "sickness". Beaming at the realization, I couldn't help but stop him before we actually reached our destination. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I stood on the tips of my toes as I lightly pressed my lips against his. Snaking his hands around my waist, he kissed me back, his smile obvious against my lips.

Then, he remembered his cover as he quickly pulled away and fake coughed.

"You can quit pretending now,"I sighed, placing my hand back in his.

"Pretending?"

"Yeah. I know that you're not sick,"I shrugged. When he almost froze in his tracks I tugged on his hand with a little more effort.

"You knew?"He mumbled.

"Yeah. It took me a minute, but I do now."

"So why are we outside then? If you know?"

"Because you obviously need my attention. You wouldn't do this if you didn't."

"Well, you haven't been hanging out with me lately,"He defended.

"And you couldn't just tell me that?"

"Um, I'm me? Remember?"

Laughing a little, I rolled my eyes as we got to the top of the hill. Free of weeds and nuisances, it was more beautiful than any other part of the Deadheads. The only plants were grass and colorful flowers. It was open sunshine and absolute peace.

And set up right in the middle was a blanket and picnic basket, courtesy of Fry.

Taking a seat on the blanket, I patted the spot beside me. With his eyes still wide in disbelief, he slowly walked over. Doing so, he just gazed at me as if I was every good thing in one.

"I love you,"He whispered, putting his hand on my knee. Scooting closer, I leaned my head against his shoulder while slowly running my thumb over his knuckles. Closing my eyes, I just took in the feeling of loving Minho. Private but genuine displays of affection are his favorite thing. He's always happy when I do something that means we'll get to spend time alone together. That's what he manages to do more often than his schedule should allow.

Still, he does it for me because he loves me.

The way I do things for him because I love him.

"I'm sorry I haven't been giving you the attention you want,"I apologized, opening my eyes and looking up at him.

"As long as you're still my girl, it's okay,"He assured me, cupping my face with his hands.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah,"He nodded, closing his eyes and leaning in. Doing the same, I brushed my lips over his. He was absolutely addicting to be around. Every glance, every word, every touch, every kiss, left me more and more hooked. He's like my oxygen. I can only go so long before needing to have him again. He's my everything, and I will never, ever forget that. Even if my mind sometimes gets busy, I know that we'll always find a way to be side by side.

"One thing though?"He asked as he pulled away but kept his gentle touch.

"Anything you want."

"Spend the next Greenie night with me?"He asked, his eyes begging for me to say yes.

"I was already planning on it, my secret romantic."

[liquidorcard]

HEY Y'ALL IT'S MIKAILER WITH AN "ER" WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO GRASP!?

---

Did I get your attention, Mikaila? I hope so, let's see.

Mikaila, I don't like you. You've done shit that's soured my opinion of you. I'm acknowledging that now to get that out of the way. I'm not here to be two-faced about this or blow smoke up your ass.

But as one idiot who stayed in a toxic relationship to another-- I'm not making fun of you because I think I'm better. I know. Being in a relationship like that brings out some ugly shit. You resent and fear people will never forgive you. You don't know if you will forgive yourself. I'm not making fun of you because I think I'm better than you.

And it feels kinda good, being treated badly? In a weird way? When you're used to it? When you feel you kind of deserve it? It did for me too. My abuser did some fucked up shit to me. I don't know how to describe to you the strange feelings I'm left with now. Sometimes I think I finally hate her, sometimes, as pathetic as it makes me feel, I still miss her. It's a rot in you that never really goes away, but you learn to live with it. I understand that agony. I understand that anger of how fucking unfair it is.

You know my opinion of Lily. You're not going to trust me that I'm not saying all this just to get you two to break up to hurt her. Fair. Very fair, not going to pretend like it's not. But if Lily loves you, nothing I'm about to say should be an issue. She should want what's best for you, right?

Here's the rub Mikaila, it's been a few years now. I know you want out of your situation at home, but it doesn't seem like Lily's going to be able to help you with that at this point. I'm sure Lily's given you plenty of reasons as to why, and it's time to listen to her.

If you're heart's set on coming to Canada, your best bet is getting a job here. Or even, going to school. Art degrees (Here in Canada) aren't as expensive, provided you go to the right school. Even taking out a student loan for just one year to figure your shit out. I know you're in quite a bit of debt right now and don't want to get into more, but. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Here's the college I went to. Yes, your work is sufficient to potentially get admitted. Believe it or not, art school's get that illustration is a learned skill. Artists start from all different levels:

Look through the admissions requirements to see if you have the academic records to be admitted. If not, you could also consider upgrading through online classes aswell.

Again though, your best bet is to try to find employment. The cost of living isn't great here right now, but it isn't great anywhere. I doubt you'll be able to find cheaper rent in America.

Once you're here or wherever you end up, away from the chaos of your home, you might find it a lot easier to get your head around, establishing some better independence and becoming a citizen by yourself. It's a shitty process, but not as bad as the one you guys have in the States. We stan an immigrant here.

You need to look out for you, Mikaila. It's not selfish. It's not a matter of whether you "really deserve it or not." Nobody's going to save you. You're emotionally spent because of your parents, You're emotionally spent because of Lily. And it feels kind of nice how much Lily needs you. But you can't help her until you help yourself - and again, if we're all wrong and Lily really loves you, she shouldn't have a problem with you finding your way.

My own mother once told me I was "born sad." I've never not hated myself. I ate up any little bit of love and validation no matter how many bitter, razor pills that came with it too. That's just how it is for some of us.

But you know what Mikaila? Fuck em. Fuck all of them. Fuck everything. Fuck me, Mikaila. You've got one life. One body. One you. Whatever you think of her, someone's gotta fight for that poor bitch. Why not you fight for you?

Everyone's a stinky meat bag stripped down, Mikaila. Everyone's made a fool in the wake of the shit people like you and I have been through. Not everyone's going to be able to forgive everything, but everyone's not wholly past forgiveness.

I'm no better than you Mikaila. Nobody is. Some of us just get to know the worst sides of ourselves better than others.

I don't like some of the things you've done, girl. But I see you. I get it. Tell us all to eat shit. Fix your life. Don't rely on Lily to make you feel whole or to save you. To make you feel worthy. No person can do that. She could be the reincarnation of Mary Mother of God herself, and you couldn't expect that from her. Be your own advocate. If your relationship isn't toxic, it can survive you becoming a more whole you.

This asshole is rooting for you. Give me an excuse to undoomer "Mikailer." My girl needs a win.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at how my former friends treated me?

tw: suicide and animal death

So for some context this was a very close knit friendgroup, for several years, of about 10 people, including me and my then partner. Also, everyone here is an adult.

Basically, one day I was in a really really bad place mentally. A beloved family pet was going to be put down soon, this dog had been a part of my life for almost half my life, and I was inconsolable and struggling to cope with this. During a discussion about some random interest I got too mean/harsh about it and it turned into an argument.

I know this was not justified and my grief wasn't an excuse, and I knew it then too and apologized to the people involved, and was met with overwhelming support, I was told "it's ok, we understand you're going through a rough thing right now, we're here to support you and you'll always have a place in this group"

Then my partner messaged me. They had not been part of the discussion at all, but they told me they felt hurt and wanted us to take a break. However, I misinterpreted that as a break up (combination of language barrier and me already being in shambles. This miscommunication is not something my ex can be blamed for)

This was an extremely serious relationship, we had been together for 2 years at that point and had a lot of future plans and such, so that on top of already grieving made me have a mental breakdown.

So, I vented on my personal tumblr. My vents did not mention/vague/allude to the situation at all, they amounted to "I feel terrible I can't do this anymore" and could very well have been only about my dog, or just about my depression in general. I also should point out that my ex doesn't use tumblr at all, so I didn't think he'd ever see those vents, and I certainly didn't want him to. And I also would not have reacted like that if I had known it was a temporary break. I know I still shouldn't have vented on a public blog, and it was hurtful no matter what. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.

The next day, after our dog was put down, I sought support from my friends, but was suddenly met with "we're not impressed with how you've acted, get therapy, bye" and was kicked from the group. Several of them blocked me everywhere instantly.

Unbeknownst to me, someone had sent my vents to my ex and they had shown them to the others, and they'd drawn the conclusion that I was upset about a temporary break and was venting to try to guilt my ex into getting back with me. And not a single one of them brought this up to me. Again, we'd all been friends for several years at that point and this was literally the day after telling me I'd always be a part of the group and they were here for me. I couldn't even defend myself because no one would tell me anything, I asked many times but was told "you know what you did" even though I clearly didn't. I thought they'd all changed their minds about the previous day out of nowhere, or that this was because of (what I thought was) the breakup. I only learned what they actually thought much later. Oh, and my ex told me I needed therapy and he never wanted anything to do with me again (which is when I learned I'd been wrong about the breakup).

Again, I know me venting was harmful no matter what, so in that regard I am the asshole, but I still feel like there's a difference between what I did and deliberate manipulation, and surely people I'd been friends with for years could have spoken to me before assuming things?

So at that point I'd lost a beloved pet, my partner, and most of my close friends, within a day. So at that point I tried but failed to commit suicide, and was hospitalized.

While in the hospital, I didn't get a single word from any of my friends, except for one person. Supposedly, everyone had been "worried out of their minds" when they saw my suicide note. But not worried enough for a single word.

Even the one person who talked to me got extremely defensive and angry if I so much as implied I felt hurt by the group's actions. They even tried to hold it over my head how "despite everything you did X and Y were super worried about you" as if being worried about someone comitting suicide is some kind of heroic saint.

I asked to be allowed to talk things out with them, but was told "the others aren't comfortable associating with you", so I had to write a fucking google doc letter. I explained the situation from my perspective, apologized for my actions etc, but also made it clear that I felt hurt and didn't think their reaction was justified and that they should have at least talked to me first, and that I was very open to talking things out in person if any of them wanted to get back to me.

None of them did. Apparently they were writing a formal collective response letter to me. At which point I had enough of the silent treatment and said that if any of them had anything to say to me they could do so in person. Which made the group extremely angry because I was "silencing" them.

About three people got back to me, and all of their responses amounted to "we don't owe you an apology, our actions were justified because we thought you'd done something bad and we were just trying to protect [my ex] and the fact that you're upset about it proves you are bad" one of them compared me to their abuser.

They also said they'd been "having issues with my behavior for a long time now", I wish I could elaborate here in case it'd impact judgement, but I can't because none of them specified, and NOTHING of the sort had been brought up to me previously.

So. Again, I know I am the asshole to some extent, because regardless of my mindset me venting on my tumblr was still harmful, but I also feel like I was treated unfairly and cruelly by my former friends. AITA here?

What are these acronyms?

[ugly-anarchist]

like it's crazy you are saying this is a trans issue and just about intersex people being excluded from transness while I can plainly look in the tags and at your posts how trans women specifically are saying that being an intersex woman with a complicated relationship to gender is not transfemininity and saying it is is transmisogynistic.

you feel fine ignoring the multiple amab intersex transfems telling you how transmisogynist the whole demand for inclusion into transfemininity is. like is there a world where you believe trans women or are we just always gonna be hysterical and angry no matter what?

Reducing what I've been through to just "a complicated relationship to gender" is pretty fucked up and gross

I wouldn't call being coercively reassigned male, forced to take T, and being pushed out of women's spaces "a complicated relationship to gender", anon

Why do trans women get the final say in how the entire trans community should function? Why don't intersex trans people of all kinds get a say in what's harmful to us? Why isn't my opinion respected? Why does no one care when I say "you're hurting me and people like me"

Why is me saying "your arguments invalidate everything I've been through" transmisogynistic?

Is there a world where you believe intersex people as a whole, or are we just always gonna be violent transmisogynists to you for existing and having experiences that you don't understand?

Just because they're trans women doesn't instantly make their words more valid than mine. Especially when what we're talking about is people like me. Like, hey, have you actually read any of these posts by people who disagree with me? Because they're all talking about experiences they don't understand and assuming the experiences of every single intersex person.

If they gave actual fucking arguments that didn't hinge on invalidating my experiences, then I'd actually listen. If someone could think of something that isn't, essentially, "afabs can't be transfem because afabs don't experience [insert thing intersex afabs experience here]"

And, once again, this was never about just transfemininity. This is also about amab transmascs! This is about intersex exclusion in trans spaces! This is about how these arguments completely erase the intersex experience from trans communities! That should matter to everyone! Everyone should have a voice in that! Trans women do not rule the trans community! This isn't a fucking dictatorship with transfems at the helm! We all deserve a voice here and none of us should be telling anyone else what they do or don't experience! We shouldn't base identities on an assumption of what everyone else experiences!

I shouldn't have to shut up about my own erasure and mistreatment just because a transfem person told me to shut up about it! Transfems can be wrong! They are human just like the rest of us! They don't understand my experiences because they're not me, and it's wrong of them to try and tell me what my experiences are!

Me saying "you're wrong and you're hurting me" isn't me saying that transfems are hysterical. I never said that nor do I think it. And you're also assuming that this group of transfems who disagree with me is all transfems. There's an equal number of transfems who do agree with me. I'm not gonna tokenize them, but by your (bad) logic that means I must be right.

[itstheval]

Telling the Truth

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Why would I?"

"What? We're your-"

"Friends, yes, I know, but think about it. Think, with me. First thing I could tell you is 'We're guaranteed to win'. Cool! Blinding great. Except you'd know that winning was costing me my life. Something that seems to have upset you, even AFTER the fact!"

"Well, yes, that's because it's your LIFE! We didn't…we don't want you to die for us, Siffrin!"

"Even if it meant saving all of Vaugarde?"

"…"

"We did NOT save Vaugarde without that wish. I can tell you that with a straight face. In whatever magic realm of make believe where I don't wish, we're all standing still as statues right now. I knew that as SOON as I knew that I'd made a wish. You don't need that choice in your mind. Especially not when I'm the one who's dying…If I'm the one feeling it, it should be my choice, shouldn't it?"

"Siffrin…"

"You said first thing you could tell us. Implying there were more things." Odile's voice was stern. Cold. Steel. Good, she was the one person who could understand without her heart weeping. Maybe, just maybe, she could convince the others.

"Oh, there were plenty more things to tell you! Like how the end of the King wasn't the end of the loops? How we were trapped here, by whatever this was? Would you want to know that? That every time we won, it was just washed away like a kayak too far at sea?! Or how about everything I'd failed to do, would you want the list of that?"

"Yes."

The word cut through everything else. Her stare was impassive. Almost empty. Somehow, colder than before.

"Well, I didn't want to tell you about it. It was over a dozen loops before I found that out, and can you imagine having…having THIS conversation a dozen times? Two dozen? Watching your heart break every single time? Watching Mirabelle sob, watching Isabeau practically shut down? Just so I could have a scrap of comfort?! Any Siffrin that would do that to you is a Siffrin that wouldn't have wished at all. Any person who would destroy all of you, who would break all of your hearts, just to have two days of understanding, that person's on the path to being the next King."

"Siffrin. This was…" Odile, of all people, having to choose her words carefully. She was close to understanding. She was close to breaking. It was in her pose, her words, her face. "Not a matter of emotions, beyond a certain point. While I believe you, and your kind heart does you credit…You clearly, fundamentally, could only follow one path at a time. If you had shared your knowledge, you could have been done many loops before…We could have helped you."

"No. You couldn't."

"Oh?"

"The books that told the truth? The books that explained how bad I'd blinded myself? Written in a language only I could read! And that was AFTER I killed myself trying to speak it! The wish, to make the Head Housemaiden tell us what happened? None of you could've believed hard enough! Yeah, I could've asked you about staying together…If I'd had any reason, at all, to think that's why I was looping. NOTHING said that! That wasn't the wish I made, I wished to stay with Mirabelle. I could do that even if you all split up. It would've blinding HURT, but I could have! Nothing. Nothing at all you could have done would save me. Not until the end. Not until you DID."

"You have some proof of this?"

A thud. A book, borrowed from the House…stolen, truly, but no one there could read it, and what good was a book no one could read? A book, laying on the ground between them, the sound of it having shocked the other two from their emotional stupors.

"If you can read this…If you can tell me the title of this…I'll admit I was wrong."

Odile's hands were shaking. Odile's hands never shook. Not with the tremors of age, not with exhaustion, but now…With her fingers outstretched to the book, she was trembling. Cautious. Like it would bite her. She picked it up, turned it around, and stared at it.

Her eyes widened. Then narrowed. Flicking across the title. Opening the book, and her eyes darting back and forth. Looking for something, for anything, as even the steel in her soul bent under the weight. Her back hunched, her brow furrowed, and the signs of a headache were obvious.

A flip of the page.

Another.

Then, a scream of rage, as she tossed the book into the campfire, and fell to the ground, clutching her knees. She sobbed. The Madame, the great Odile, unflappable, steel-spined and sharp-eyed, sobbed like a lost child. It felt like the most damning victory imaginable.

"That's why I didn't tell you. How you're feeling right now. I'd do that to you, every time, for NOTHING." They had to understand, by now. Looking around, at the shattered wrecks of the three, hearing sobs and seeing blank-eyed stares, they did.

Now, only now, could the healing actually start. Now that they believed. Now that they knew. Now that they understood what hat happened, and what impossible choices there were to make. Now that it wasn't 'Silly Siffrin got mixed up in emotions, isn't it cute?', now that it wasn't 'We can talk about whatever happened, Feelings Buddy!', now that it wasn't 'Oh, your fee-fees, your ling-lings'.

Loop said to tell them the truth. They knew how much it would hurt when they said it.

Well, let's see how that works.

[marshmallowprotection]

Have you ever done a post talking about how Ray stopped obsessing about MC on his own route?

I don't believe I've ever done one in depth before but I would LOVE to talk about that to clear up misconceptions. So, we're all well-aware of the fact Ray is completely in love with the idea of you. To talk about it in depth, we need to start at the beginning of Ray's awakening. While talking about his infatuation, it's important to understand the reason why he became so captivated with you in the first place, so that you'll be able to see how his love changes from mere infatuation with some idea to the conceptualizing of true love.

I'll start at the very beginning of Ray's identity in Mint Eye. When he realized who he was and what he had to do for the Savior, this person who has forced him to undergo torture the likes of which we only see brief spurts of and cannot even conceptualize just how horrible it was for him to experience, he understood the rules. He had to obey every order to survive, even if it made him feel sick to his stomach.

Any sort of deviation from the Savior's expectation would have him back into a basement that held nothing but nightmares.

"I have no one left for me. I have been abandoned by everyone but the Savior. I should be grateful that she hasn't given up on me like everybody I've ever known. I should devote my life to hers because that's all I'm good for. If I was good for anything, V and Saeyoung... wouldn't have left me behind. I see nothing but torment in my life, but that's all I've ever known and that's all I will ever know. I need to be grateful that the Savior saved me, because her torment is what can save me... if I can be good enough for her... maybe I'll be good enough to exist."

You have to understand that this is Ray's core foundation. He has been pressured to believe something that goes against who he is. Ray is described best as someone who cannot stop dreaming, and Suit Saeran said it the best, "Ray won't stop dreaming of a day that might bring V and Saeyoung back to his side, even if Rika's forced us to believe they'll hurt us. Unlike Ray, I know we can't go back to what we had, but he won't stop dreaming. If he stops dreaming, we won't have any hope. To dream is to have hope, and Ray is my hope. That's why I want to help him and you escape this place. So, our hope can... survive."

Ray's very existence is defined by his value to Rika. That's what he's been forced to believe and trust me when I say this, Ray doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be defined by what he can do for Rika to give her proof that he shouldn't be tortured anymore. He wants to be able to exist without the fear of a hammer swinging over his head, but he isn't allowed to have that. Rika's controlling him through fear, through the idea that he has to show her he has value so she won't throw him away like "V and Saeyoung threw him away".

She abuses Ray with a blend of verbal abuse and love-bombing on the regular and this back and forth of "you're an airhead and maybe Ray shouldn't exist in the first place because he keeps failing every task I give him," vs "Oh, Ray, no one in this world will care for you the way you need except for me... I didn't abandon you, so you can truly believe me above everyone else."

How would you feel if the only way you could evade being drugged in Mint Eye's basement would be to work your fingers to the bone?

Would you fight the Savior? Would you try to reason with her even though it is futile to argue with someone who refuses to listen to you? Would it take long for you to realize that the only means to your survival will be to obey? What if you fought her and she cast you aside, sending you to fight for yourself on the streets of Seoul? The very streets where one wrong move could have Saejoong Choi kill you?

What's worse, to be tormented in a basement with drugs until you learn your "lesson", or to be killed the minute you step foot into the outside world your Mother always told you would kill you when you did? You don't want to die. You don't want to die, do you? How long will it take before you accept this awful reality... because you don't have another choice? It didn't take Ray very long to accept that he had no other choice. It was Rika's torment and "salvation" or death.

He understands that he'll probably die in Mint Eye, but at least... in Mint Eye, he can tell himself that Rika didn't abandon him. At least, he would die knowing one person didn't "give up" on him. He settles, because what else can he do but settle? This is the greatest good he may ever get. Is it any wonder why he wants to make the "best" of the nightmare he's living in? No, it's really not.

It's not okay, though. He shouldn't have to make the "best" of what he's given because he doesn't deserve any of the suffering he's been forced to experience at the hand of Rika. None of the believers who found themselves trapped in that place deserved what happened to them. What Ray suffered doesn't justify his decision making, though. His suffering doesn't make what he does with the player before he's able to realize the error of his ways right.

Mind you, as I'm writing this post and explaining Ray's perspective, I don't want any of you to get this twisted. Ray's actions aren't justified in any way. He shouldn't have lied to the player, he shouldn't have told you the RFA were characters in a game, he shouldn't have risked your life and safety for his obsession with the idea of you, etc, etc. I know a lot of people are more understanding of Ray and Saeran than they are of other characters in this game, but I'm still going to say this since it has to be said so often.

Understanding a character, enjoying a character, and knowing the rhyme or reason why they do something doesn't mean you justify their actions. It just means you like that character and tried to get more information to understand why they did what they did and it's okay to morally dubious characters. Let's break down our important critical thinking skills and remember that.

Anyway.

Those images I stitched above are from his diary and show you a tiny glimpse into his formula for bringing someone to Mint Eye.

Ray starts out as the head of security for Mint Eye and he has to work his way up to the creation process that brings us to the RFA "game" he sells the player. He spends the first few months stalking the RFA as best he can to learn more about their habits and how to either eliminate them or bring them to Mint Eye for the Savior, it's only after he has proven himself worthy of gathering information that Rika tells him that he will be allowed to choose whoever he wants to help him take down the RFA.

This is a "reward" he's given for good behavior, as in, doing his job until his fingers bleed and he has to wear gloves to stop himself from dislocating the joints, chugging caffeine pills and his elixir like a "good boy", and keeping his mouth shut about anything but breathing and Paradise. He gets the "honor" of finding someone to help him do his job, and during the process of hunting down that person to help his mission, he finds... you.

I don't think he set out to find someone who could like him. I think he originally sought out someone who could listen to him and believe his lies about the RFA. He wanted someone who wouldn't question him... after all, how can you get someone to be your eyes and ears when all you hear is: "Why is this so life-like? Why do these characters feel so real? I'm starting to believe what they're telling me and I'm having so much doubt what you've been selling me, Ray."

He was looking for a person who would be incredibly naive, but kind-hearted. It's just that in the process of trying to find someone to fit that bill, he discovered you. It's not entirely clear how he found you or what made him like you, that's always left open to the player so they can decide what he liked about them. All we know is that he watched you visit your favorite cafe now and again. Everything else is really up to the player to decide... meaning however dark or light you want that imagery is up to you.

Regardless, he discovered you, and something about you captivated him so much that he told himself there could be no other person to test his game. It would have to be you. There was something about you that made him feel warm and fuzzy inside... it made him feel so good. Here's the thing about his feelings for you in the beginning. He could learn as much as he wanted by scouring information about you online, but that would never be the same as actually getting to know you.

So, from the get-go, Ray's foundation of who you are is based on what he can find.

Everything he can't find is built on what he creates in his head.

This is why he becomes obsessed with the idea of you, and it's so easy for him to slip into this fantasy. The idea of someone can be better than who they really are sometimes, because a concept can't disappoint you or break your heart. Ray spends most of his time fantasizing about what it would be like to be close to you, what it would be like to get to know you, and as he continues to fill in the pieces with his fantasized version of you, the line between reality and fiction becomes blurred. 

You become the only constant in his life that has a driving force for good, frankly. Whenever he is being tortured for a mistake he made or criticized for not being good enough, he slips into his head to just fantasize about what it would be like to be treated with respect by the object of his obsession. The concept of you, it comforts him, it brings him peace, it brings him joy, and it keeps him ALIVE. If not for those months he spent dreaming of you, he might not have survived as long as he did.

Ray, at his core, needs a reason to have hope.

If you strip away all of his hopes and dreams, there is nothing left but a shell. There is nothing left but a husk... and is it really any wonder in this world why Suit Saeran was angry when he woke up and saw his Ray was tortured for daring to dream the impossible?

When that was all Ray ever wanted? To dream? He wouldn't even allow himself a chance to ask for what he wanted, he would beat it out himself to let the Savior know he wouldn't try to fight her for ANYTHING.

Ray was trained to destroy himself from the inside out because Rika intended for him to disappear someday. For Saeran to "take over and prove that strength is only born from survival of the fittest."

The fantasy of you wasn't the real you by any means but Ray could settle for a fantasy if he couldn't taste reality.

The idea of you gave him strength to survive until tomorrow, and that's important to understand. Why else would Ray consistently say, "I will settle for whatever you give me. I don't deserve anything. Use me as you please, even if it hurts me, because I just want you to be happy."? Ray has to settle for less all the time. He is so desperate to be liked, to never be abandoned again, that he's okay with you doing anything to him as long as he can stay with you.

That's what Bad Ending 1 is all about—if you decide to take his offer to hurt him for your amusement.

When all he can dream of is his fantasy and what he settled for, it should become abundantly clear to players why he is so dead set on wanting you to stay with him. His desperation for you to stay with him stems from the fact that he doesn't want to be abandoned. Ray believes he was left behind by everyone who loved him except for his Savior, so when he begs and pleads for you to stay later on, it's 100% because of this fear.

Is it wrong for him to beg and plead to make you stay with him? YES! It's not okay! But, it's easy to understand WHY he's begging so hard in the first place. Ray wants so badly for his fantasy of you to be real. To be liked by you, not even loved, is all he wants because you have become the only thing that makes a smile stay on his face in this den of torment.

Do you know what you do as the player during Ray Route? During your time with Ray, you are constantly and consistently telling him that he should value himself, that he shouldn't beat himself down, that he shouldn't take Rika's torment and believe the horrible things she tells him, and that he should think for himself instead of what he thinks Rika wants him to think. You are actively working to help Ray understand his value as a person, nudging him to decide for himself what he wants.

Do you owe him that kindness? No, no you don't. You don't owe him this, nobody does, but if you decide to love him and give him the time to grow from his mistakes, this is where Ray Route takes you. Tumblr won't let me post more than 30 images, so I will point you to read just a couple of specific chatrooms I can't post snippets of.

Day 5, 19:23, "Small Coincidence" & Day 6, 03:17, "If I was stronger" & Day 6, 20:49, "Suddenly Afraid". Those chatrooms specifically give a player the option to reassure Ray at every turn, to tell him that he is a person who matters to you, and that he needs to trust your words as you say them, and not assume they come with a stipulation like every word out of Rika's mouth.

You're not telling Ray that you want to stay in Mint Eye with these choices.

You're telling him that you want to stay with him.

MC is actively making the decision once they realize the truth to see what they can do to get Ray out of Mint Eye. You may not trust V at first, you may not even believe him, but you have seen Ray suffer at Rika's hand and you know he doesn't deserve that. You want to get him away from this place, far, far away... and the closer you get to the kiss visual novel, the closer you get to helping Ray overcome what was done to him.

I understand it can be difficult to grasp what's happening during the first two days of the route because realistically this would be playing out throughout a couple of months. But, what you're doing is helping Ray undo the brainwashing. You are working to deprogram the cult manipulation, and I don't know if any of you know how hard it is for someone to do that in real life, but it's not easy.

There is a reason why it is so difficult to remove someone from a cult once they are knee-deep in the trenches. You can't just tell someone to leave, even if it's detrimental to their health and safety because they won't leave the cult. Cults are designed to keep people inside. Even if you present someone with logic and reason, they have been taught not to listen to anyone who tries to tell them anything that goes against the doctrine they have been forced to believe. 

You are more likely to lose a person if you try to force them out of a cult than you are to save them. Obviously, every situation is different and you need to approach this with care if you encounter something like this in real life, but I would pray nobody would have to learn about this information or how to use it.

I don't want anyone to be trapped in a cult. But, hey, look into how folks do help remove people from cults with SAFETY in mind. It's interesting, if a bit dark because there's right and wrong ways to help people.

That's why I advise you to look in those chat rooms if you want more contextual evidence to understand what's happening here since my images are limited and I had to chop this down to what I knew would be most helpful to someone's understanding of the situation. So, I've got two phone calls below that point out what I'm talking about and show what the MC is doing.

Reassuring Ray of his desires by telling him he's allowed to think for himself, and then down below, you're working to tell Ray that he can trust other people, not just the Savior. It is the little things like these choices that build up to what happens when you kiss him and it just about clicks for him that this place isn't sustainable.

This language the player uses is important in those chatrooms and during every phone call where this conversation topic comes up. He needs to hear it. He needs to know that his life is bound by what he can do for Rika. He can have more what he's been given, he doesn't have to settle for torment and torture. He can have whatever he truly desires as long as he's willing to face the facts. Ray's just... so afraid of what will happen when he stands up that it takes a long time to get him to that point.

Case in point, the fake elixir. He became so incredibly paranoid about his decision to have you forgo the elixir that he decided to cultivate a fake bottle that nobody could distinguish from the real thing just to protect you. He lied about you taking the elixir in the first place and that was dangerous in itself, but it was a decision he made that truly began to send him down a path that would lead him to run away from settling for the hell Rika gave him. 

This lie Ray made was huge, and I don't see a lot of people point that out.

He tells you multiple times that he's afraid of what might happen to you if they find out he lied about your initiation ceremony. He knows what's going to happen to you, and he knows what will happen to him because he lied about it. He might never be able to see you again, and he might never exist again after they're through with him, but he still decided to lie about it because he couldn't stand the thought of seeing you in pain.

Decisions like that are ones that help you understand the "generous" organization you're in isn't trying to help you, it's trying to kill you at every corner. Ray’s devotion is based on fear and fear alone. He truly doesn't believe what he's been sold, the only reason why he fights so hard for this paradise is because he believes that he doesn't have any other choice.

Why do you think he wants Paradise to be as good as he can make it? 

When you try to tell him you want to leave, he tells you that he could never survive in the outside world. It has been beaten into him over and over again. He won't be able to survive out there without the help of the savior. He won't be able to survive anywhere without her help.

That's why he tries to fight so hard to survive, to make the best of this nightmare, because one day he'll be able to catch the carrot on the string. Even if he knows that's never going to happen, he doesn't believe there's any other way for him to exist, and if he's going to be happy with you, the only place he can have it is here. Even when you make him want to believe in the impossible dream, it still feels very impossible.

That's by design, Rika's design.

So, when he actively starts to make hard decisions that go against everything she's tried to beat into him, that shows him breaking away from Mint Eye. That is the first step in the process of getting him out of there. It is not easy by any means, but by God were you so close to getting him out of there. Lying to Rika? Huge. Making a fake elixir to protect you? Huge. Owning up to the fact that he's terrified for what he's done by bringing you here? Huge. A process of accountability on his part and the beginning of Ray's journey to do the right thing.

Every conversation you had with Ray up until this point has helped him little by little realize you care about him and it's not something you're going to throw away. Your affection for him isn't something that's going to be yanked away like a carrot on a string, you intend to give him kindness because you believe he deserves it very inherently, meaning that he doesn't have to prove himself to receive it. He is all deserving of love, just as anyone else is, and you want him to know that because seeing him destroy himself is painful.

Even at the moment when you hold him close to your heart and there seems to be nothing in the world that could tell him you didn’t mean what you told him, there’s still some unease in his chest. You can't help somebody overcome years of insecurity and months of torture with a single kiss. But, it's a start, and the decision to start a journey towards self-reflection is what’s hopeful. 

There's still a hint of what he thought was love when you kiss him. It's not hard to miss. But, if you've been paying attention to the way he's been talking, you'll have noticed that the pressure he laid down to stay with him near the beginning of your journey has decreased by a significant margin. He is no longer trying to find ways to manipulate you into staying with him. 

He's trying to find ways to understand your heart and what it means to be close to the real you.

He's less focused on trying to convince you that this place is great, and he starts to reveal what's going on inside his head. He tells you why he’s lost and afraid, he tells you what keeps him awake at night, and he tells you how he’s come to believe this is truly the only place for him to exist.

His desperation is what asks you to stay with him because he wants to be with you if you’ll have him, but he can’t understand why you don’t want to stay in Mint Eye when he's been coerced to believe this is the only place he can exist. It's important to understand the huge difference in language.

But, now as you hold him close to your heart, his fantasy is starting to fade away by the minute. He's less focused on trying to make sense of his dreams and more focused on trying to understand the reality of what you're living in. You know, "If there really is a paradise, I wish you would be there with me." He's not calling Mint Eye a paradise, he said he would want to be in a "paradise" with you.

Little adjustments to his manner of speech stand out. Read between the lines and compare and contrast the way that Ray talks to you at the beginning and more so as you get closer to him. All that work you laid down as you got closer to him mattered so damn much that I can not even begin to explain it in a single sentence. Do you know why it matters so much?

Rika had eyes and ears on Ray. She knew what you were doing, she knew what you were telling Ray, and she knew Ray was on the cusp of leaving her behind. So, what did Rika do when someone told her Ray kissed the Special Missionary? She got rid of him, or she tried to get rid, at least.

She is using him for everything she can get out of him. She intends to use him until he is no longer useful, and your trying to convince him that he has value goes against everything she's been fighting to make him believe. The minute you help him realize that he has more worth than what she's given to him is the minute he decides to leave. Rika can't have him abandon her, she's the only person who can abandon someone, she says. I'm the only one who gets to decide who suffers after V tried to decide everything for me.

The only reason why he is punished is because you were only an inch away from helping him escape Mint Eye. 

You were THAT close.

He manages to call you somewhere amidst the torture because he finds the courage to tell you the truth. He wants to be with you more than anything in the world because he finally realized being with you made him feel like he was worth something, but he isn't allowed to exist in paradise. He was never meant to know what this felt like this, what it felt like to be loved by someone as kind as you to him, and if he doesn't take this torture, you will know this torture. 

"I must be gone for our salvation. I need to be gone for you to stay in paradise."

vs

"No, no! I want to stay! I want to see you so much! Please, I don't want to disappear! I miss you, please... please! Abandon me, save yourself!"

This is Ray trying to fight the programming that was beaten into him, but he ultimately lost his battle in the basement. He was so close to getting out of Mint Eye but Rika knew better than to turn her back on him. She knew she had to snuff out his light if she wanted to use him for what he was worth.

I do not doubt in my heart that he fought as much as he could to survive those hours of suffering and torment, but he was fighting Rika and God knows how many guards as they shoved elixir down his throat and told him he was a failure. I can't blame him for not being able to believe in his dreams when they held a bottle of poison to his throat and told him he needed to obey or you would suffer. 

Your last interaction with Ray as himself is when Saeran shuts down. When you tell Saeran that you won't treat him like Ray to give him the love he deserves, because you know treating Saeran like Ray won't be good or healthy for him. You want to love him as Saeran, not as Ray... and the idea of being loved as himself is torture. He'll die if the Savior finds out you love him (and he, you, in return) because that's literally what happened to Ray.

Pretending to be Ray was his only hope of tasting that adoration for even a moment. Because he understood inherently that love and kindness would always be a weakness in Mint Eye. Showing even a small amount of that weakness would’ve had him destroyed, and if they destroyed him, there would be nothing to protect whatever remained of Ray, and you. If he's gone and incapable of being the sword and shield of "strength", there will be no hope for all three of you.

I digress, I've talked about Suit Saeran’s desire to be loved before, so I don’t think I need to go too depth about that right here. Just know he craves love too, but he won't let himself have it because he's afraid of being tortured like Ray was for unleashing his desires. He wants to be the strongest so nobody tries to torture him ever again, even when it could cost him a chance at happiness.

I.E. Bad Ending 2, where Suit Saeran goes too far and he breaks the player completely beyond repair and he can't put you back together again even though he realizes he shouldn't have done what he did in the first place.

This moment is the one where everything finally comes to a head and Ray looks you in the eyes and confesses the truth. He apologizes to you for everything he's done, for tricking you, for deceiving you, for putting you in this predicament in the first place all because he was so obsessed with the idea of you.

Even if you decided to give him a chance, even if you decided he was worth fighting for, and even if you decided you wanted to be with him despite everything—Ray understood in that moment you deserved an apology because he shouldn't have deceived you in the first place. He acknowledges that he is guilty, not just Saeran.

They both hurt you and there is no excuse for their actions. Ray is able to conceptualize this need to apologize first, and his ability to own up to everything that's happened so far is what opens the door for Saeran to do the same.  

He tells you that you need to put yourself first, that you need to protect yourself and if it comes down to it, if you need to choose between him or yourself, he would want you to choose yourself. After all this time he spent trying to convince you to abandon everything and stay with him in this false paradise, he realizes that you deserve to decide for yourself what it is you want and after everything that's happened, it's your choice and he can't blame you for whatever you choose. 

He can't force you to stay with him. He can't manipulate you to stay with him. He can't get on his hands and knees and tell you not to abandon him just because he's afraid.

If you want to stay with him, it should be because that's something you want, not because it's something he's tried to make you do for him.

He understands that now, and he began to understand that before, it was hard to see it under all the torture and pain he was experiencing before, unfortunately.

You helped him realize that he's always been a person deserving of love and affection, and if it wasn't for this dire situation, if it wasn't for the fact that he knows if he's not careful you'll be tortured within an inch of your life, his words in this moment would be filled with more gratitude at having the chance to have known you. He's unfortunately still beating himself down because he's not sure if there will ever be a way for him to exist in a world that won't try to destroy him. 

But, he wanted you to know, no matter what, you helped him realize he was worth more than what he thought he was. You made him see meaning in what he imagined was NOTHING. Rika never for Ray to be anything but a tool, and you showed him that Ray mattered.

His existence mattered.

It meant something.

He meant something.

Ray: “Ever since I met you, I thought that I might be able to stay in this world. You made my name mean something when it was never meant to mean anything. You're kind, one of the kindest people I've ever met, and I wish... I wish I could stay with you... but I've hurt you so much.”

Suit Saeran, hours later: "You know, the name Ray wasn't supposed to mean something... but you look a little sad every time I say it. I'm certain that's because you made him feel real... made him feel like he was allowed to be something, more than just an airhead who did all the work they forced down his throat."

Ray realizing that true love sometimes means being willing to let someone go because the environment around the two of you is only going to destroy you in the end is huge for someone who thought his love could only be founded in fantasy. A boy who was ready to cling desperately to you and do anything he could to make you stayed by his side willfully choosing to let you go because he never should have tried to cage you in the first place? 

Character growth!

This here is the pivotal moment when you should understand his love for you has become real, and it is not founded in the obsession it was at the get go. I don't know how else to spell this out any clearer for people to understand, but if I missed anything and you're not sure about something you've come across in the game, please point it out because I would love to talk about it. 

I know that this game is not perfect by any means when it comes to showing his character progression, but the concept is there, and as long as you're looking like you will find it readily. 

[foxufortunes]

Hang on I'm having a Kevin Defender moment. Like I know the Kevin and Jean and the Nest situation is pretty polarising for a lot of people, but I do think we're kind of too harsh on Kevin about it sometimes. Like, you it's a bit weird that was never hear of how close he and Jean were in the Nest, but then you can rationalise that by saying a lot of Kevin's really harsh recovery (the "omg what have I do let me go back I need to go back and save Jean" period) was likely done off screen pre-Neil. And then, pre-Neil goes to the Nest, Neil wasn't actually that friendly with the Monsters. Most of what we hear of Kevin and the Ravens isn't from Kevin, it's from people like Nicky and Wymack. And let's be real, Neil probably wouldn't have cared even if he had been told about Jean, the boy's mind is very focused and Jean is not one of the things it's focused on. So that can all sorta be made sense of.

But then you've got TSC and the EC and what went down. And this is framed from Jean's pov so of course he's hurt. Kevin used him as a distraction to get out of the Nest in a desperate situation and because he revealed the secret of their both knowing French, and this put Jean in a worse position. Sure, but Kevin was begging to be helped. He was being beaten within an inch of his life and bones broken and his one reason for living destroyed. And maybe I read wrong or missed something, but Jean didn't help him. He tried to fix him up after sure, but he didn't help him. And, while it's fine to say that Jean couldn't step in because then he'd be beaten, why then think that Kevin shouldn't be any less selfish? His "if you ever cared about me, distract him" (I can't remember the exact quote off the top of my head) could just have easily been "you didn't help me when he broke my hand, so do it now". Because, let's be real, the books are very clear on this, if Kevin didn't leave the Nest, he would be dead by now. Exy is his only reason for living as much as it is Riko's. Without it, he wouldn't have survived. And that's not to say Jean doesn't have the right to be bitter and hurt by Kevin's actions, (these are two hurt, abused boys, they're going to be messy and angry as much as people like Andrew are messy and angry just in a different way) but that for a fandom who loves to insist their narrators are unreliable you sure do rely on them and take their view of things as true and accurate and the right way to feel a lot. They're all right and they're all wrong. That's what happens with messy traumatised people and cults.

[dlnorampage]

you have a great blog and i appreciate the reblogs just now a ton just thought you should know

thank you so much & i hope you have a really good day!

i was kind of spiralling over the toxicity of queer discourse and how it affects us as a community. we are infighting in what's meant to be a safespace for everyone. we shouldn't squabble over labels and flags and all that. in the end we're all queer and there are much more important problems to focus like how theres places that neglect trans healthcare.

trans youth are in need. children are dying. and yet we focus on such minuscule gripes because some random person is identifying as this instead of that.

i recently realized how ive always been ostracized back and forth in the majority of my 'safe'spaces. being told i'm not valid because i identify a certain way. what counts as "valid" in the first place? what are the criteria for being "valid", when does it stop being "valid"? is it when their identity is "too complex" for you?

we are all tired of being ridiculed by queerphobes. we don't need to bring all that hate to our own community.

no one should ever feel ashamed of how they identify as. no one should ever feel ashamed over preferring certain labels over others. what defines your experience is yourself, after all. not others.

the shunning hurts the progress of self-discovery, because you are constantly told that simply being a certain is wrong. you are told that being yourself is wrong.

from the bottom of my heart, to all people that need to hear this. love to all queer people with identities that are commonly frowned upon. love to all queer people with "contradictory" labels. please keep strong.

i am no longer afraid to admit who i am, and you shouldnt be either. i dont need to hide my true self to fit the standards of other people, and you dont need to do so either.

to the exclusionists, unfollow me if you havent already; i really dont need you here. and to all queer people: you are all inherently beautiful.