#then tuesdays and the weekend im literally go to work for the day come home do more work

[aliwritesfic]

The Wedding Date (Frankie Morales x F!Reader) (part 12)

*taps mic* is this thing on? um, i have literally no excuses. if you're still here, i love you, i cherish you, i dont deserve you. im sorry for the literal year long hiatus.

Previous Next The Beginning

“So this is it,” Frankie grinned shyly at you as he unlocked the door to his house.

“Your humble abode?” You stepped past him into an airy living room. Two dark couches were pushed against the wall, facing a large TV mounted opposite. 

“That’s definitely a word for it,” Frankie closed the door behind you. “Here, gimme your bag.” You had come here straight from the airport, the both of you deciding on the flight back that you didn’t want the weekend to end yet. 

“Sorry it’s a mess,” he said. “I wasn’t really expecting . . .” He burned red, avoiding your gaze. You reassured him you didn’t really give a fuck about the mess; what he considered a mess was cleaner than any other guy’s place you had ever been to. You wondered if that said more about your previous taste in men or men in general. You decided pretty quickly that it wasn’t a you thing.

Frankie gave you a quick tour, the kitchen and the bathroom and his daughter’s room, decorated to the nines in pink and purple, toys strewn across the ground. You took in the photos hung up on the wall in the hallway, recogising the boys in some of them. Others were of a little girl who could only be Laila.

Finally, came his bedroom.

“Is this where the magic happens?” You peered over Frankie’s broad shoulder and into his bedroom as he set your bag down on the carpeted floor.

“Slight of hand, mostly,” he said, “a couple of card tricks.”

You snorted, beelining for his bed. You were exhausted from the trip, and it just looked so damn inviting. You rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under a pillow. “I think you just made the biggest mistake of your life.”

“Hmm? How so?” The bed shifted with Frankie’s weight as he got in beside you. You scooted closer so you were touching.

“I’m in love with this mattress. Like, it’s stupid comfy.” You toyed with the buttons on his shirt as he spoke. “So, unfortunately for you, it’s going to take a lot to get me away from it.”

“You know what?” His lips brushed your collarbone. “I think I’m okay with that.”

You pulled him closer, hooking a leg around his waist. All words were lost as his lips met yours, devouring you with his kiss. 

He groaned into your mouth as he pinned you beneath him, hardness pressing against your abdomen. His callouses scraped down your bare skin as his fingers toyed with the waistband of your pants, slipping down further until he was slick with you.

“Fuck,” you moaned. His lips left yours, trailing kisses down your stomach. 

“Relax, baby,” he murmured. Somehow your pants were off and he was between your legs. 

His tongue, god his fucking tongue. It teased your clit, his fingers curling inside you. Only the top of his curly hair was visible as your thighs squeezed around his head, back arching and hips bucking.

“Not yet,” he pulled away, unbuckling his belt, erection springing free. 

“Fuck me, Frankie,” you pulled him back down against you, skin against skin.

“Say please,” his voice was low in your ear, cock pressing against your entrance. 

“Please, please,” you moved your hips closer to his, desperate in your need for him.

“Good girl.”

Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing beyond you and him. 

~

You could barely concentrate on your data. You had been home for only a couple of days, and back at work for only a few hours, and you couldn’t focus. You were like a teenager all over again, with butterflies and blushing whenever you thought about Frankie, giggles bubbling up at random moments. You decided to take an early lunch, heading out to the shark tunnels. 

The aquarium was quiet today - Tuesdays usually were. A nurse shark swam by, lazy in its course along the bottom of the tank.

You hadn’t told anyone yet about how your weekend away had went, dodging the question when Olivia had brought it up over FaceTime the day after you had gotten home (you had ignored her first call the night before, finding yourself preoccupied in a bed that wasn’t yours). You knew she suspected but was either too tactful or too proud to say anything. For now you decided to let her stew, enjoying the small bubble you and Frankie had created for yourselves. Of course, you knew that bubble couldn’t last forever - life always got in the way. But goddamn if you weren’t going to enjoy it while you could.

You opened your phone and took a quick selfie, being sure to capture the apex predators behind you. I’ve had better dates, you captioned it as you sent it to Frankie. You didn’t expect him to respond - his daughter was back and he was preparing to have her stay for a week. 

He had told you a lot about Laila - his face positively lighting up when he described how she had chosen him for her latest art project about their personal heroes. You had seen more photos than you could count, able to pick out pieces of Frankie in her face, even the way she carried herself in some of them.

He had told you less about his ex, Ariel, simply stating that it had been a very messy break-up and left him feeling like he had made too many mistakes ever to be able to redeem himself. They had broken up not long after he had returned from Colombia, when Laila was still an infant. You remembered the conversation, how his voice had been thick with guilt.

“I went to therapy for a while,” Frankie admitted on your last night with him, drawing random shapes on your bare back with his finger. “It helped. I think I’m a better man than I was. I still have a lot to make up for, things I can’t make up for.”

“Why can’t you?” you turned your head to look at him through sleepy eyes. He was silhouetted by the silvery moonlight coming through his open window. Jeff Buckley played from your phone, Frankie’s choice for the album of the night. 

It’s never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder. 

You had immediately added the song to your playlist when you got home.

“Some things can’t be forgiven,” he said. 

You wondered idly what he had meant by that as you wandered slowly back to the labs, detouring past the octopus tanks. You decided you wouldn’t press him about it, knowing that some things had to come out with time alone. If he trusted you, and you hoped he did, he would tell you what he thought you needed to know. Until then, you would have to make do.

The rest of the day passed by slowly; data from the tags you were tracking gave you nothing new, your phone was on silent and at the bottom of your bag, and anyone who you liked to chat with was out in the field that day. 

“Tell me you also had a slow day,” you said, FaceTiming Olivia as soon as you got home. 

“Fuck no,” Olivia said, “my day was fantastic.” You set your phone up so you could see her as you chopped Mr. Baldwin’s dinner. The tortoise in question was dressed in his shark fin, exploring the area around your feet

“Distract me,” you begged. “Oh, is someone a little lovesick?” Olivia teased. You rolled your eyes but didn’t answer - you weren’t one to lie outright to your best friend.

“Just do it.”

You listened as Olivia launched into a lengthy recap of her day, starting from breakfast (a really good acai bowl) to a significant breakthrough at work (something on a level your brain couldn’t understand). “Oh, and the best part?”

“If something can top molecular biology, I must hear it.”

“I’m not pregnant!”

“I didn’t realise that was something we were worrying about!” You cheered along with her. 

She nodded, turning to pure pixels for a moment. “I was a week late, and you know me I’m like a fucking clock. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, relieved mostly.” Olivia sighed, and you dropped a piece of carrot down to Mr. Baldwin. “It just reaffirmed what I already know.”

“No kids?”

“No kids,” she repeated firmly. “But also . . . I have to have a talk with Jeremy.” You bent and picked up the tortoise, carrying him, his bowl of food, and your phone outside to your backyard. “The relationship talk. I wanna be with him, but we need to know if we’re on the same page with everything.”

You nodded, half listening as your thoughts drifted to Frankie. You wanted it with him, everything you could have you wanted it. You weren’t afraid with him, weren’t worried that it was only going to be a matter of time before shit went south and you were left with a broken heart and an STD. From the moment you had met him, even though you had been too fucking blind to see it, he had been the one for you.

You would tell him that, you decided, when you saw him again. It wouldn’t be for another week, but you were feeling brave and reckless and you knew it could be a huge mistake and that maybe he didn’t feel the same. But. But.

But he might feel the same. You were almost entirely certain he did, and that it would be less like taking a chance and more like speeding up the inevitable. 

“Are you listening to me?” Olivia’s voice cut your thoughts.

“No,” you said. “Sorry, were you saying anything important?”

“Not really,” she said, “I was just thinking we should get hammered this weekend. Maybe down at the Ivy?”

“The Ivy is for annoying twenty-one year olds now, how about you just come over and we drink til our faces are numb?” 

“So long as we watch X Factor auditions and Come Dine With Me.”

“I think you’re my soul mate, Liv.”

She laughed. “I know you’re mine.”

~

You only heard from Frankie once that week, a simple message that made your heart flutter. 

I miss you more every day.

You kept yourself busy, applying for a Winghead expedition in Northern Australia next year. Hammerheads and their subspecies were among some of your favourites, and the expedition had been one you applied to every single year without fail. You hadn’t gotten it yet, but you were feeling lucky.

That was until Friday.

Your phone pinged with a message as you lazed on your couch, your heart sinking as you read it.

I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think this is right. Please don’t contact me, I’m trying to make it work with Ariel.

“Oh.” You set your phone down on your coffee table, holding back the bile that had risen. Of course, of course this would happen. You should have expected it - at some point you had been stupid and stopped expecting it. 

You read the message once, twice, three times over. 

You decided to go to bed, to sleep and wake up and hopefully find that the message was gone, that you were still hopeful and stupid and lucky.

@laichka @paintlavillered @idreamofboobear @pjkimrn @gracie7209 @sunnshineeexoxo @lorosette @fangirl-316 @dihra-vesa @astoryisaloveaffair @theanothersherlockian @pedritobalmando @blub-senpai @maievdenoir @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @bobbydearest @icanbeyourjedi @goldielocks2004 @1800-fight-me @littledragonlady @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @ficsbynight @hotchlover @dobbyjen @athalien @vanered15

[alucart]

actually fuck it lmao

got hired late september. started actual work in october. started off as a seasonal worker. every day i woke up for work i was dreaded it. it was so much work. i was fatigued everyday but i still had to give it my all or else i was "lazy". if i moved too slow i was considered rude to customers. if i dont smile im rude. if i take a minute to process something then "something is wrong with me." like. Okay. lmao.

obviously when applying for jobs i dont list the fact that im bipolar. hell, i probably have adhd. but beside the point, the fact i have to act a certain way just to keep a job thats barely paying me shit was so. annoying. the fact that while working seasonal i had to put up with so much shit was ridiculous. november and december was so awful. im still mad i had to wake up at like 4am to get to work at 5am and then the store wasnt even busy until 12am. and we had to wear red and make sure everything was perfect bc the ceo was coming to the store? LMAO?

after my seasonal hours were over i thought i was free. i wasnt working for like two weeks but i at least got to spend time with my family. clean. take care of myself. i actually got back to drawing, something i havent been able to do for months. and then they called me back for a full time position. of course i took it because i wasnt finding anything else but it mightve been the worst mistake like ever.

like i must preface, that i got the job for the seasonal position in the first place without an interview, and like, yes i knew that was fishy at the start but also, ive been looking for a job for over two years so i was desperate. somehow the full time position was even worse than the seasonal position. my manager felt more annoying.

not to mention at this point they were making me do shit that i was never hired to do. why am i organizing clothes? i take returns? why are you making me cover in the handbags department? i work in returns and help people with online orders? why are you making me pack online orders? I WORK IN RETURNS, HELP PEOPLE WITH ONLINE ORDERS AND I HAVE PROCESS RETURNS FOR ORDER PICKUPS THAT WERE NEVER PICKED UP?

honestly madness. i had many breakdowns. over not wanting to go back to work. one time i had a stomach virus and had to stay home from work and was so miserable and literally panicking because i thought i could lose my job from being sick. i had a coworker that they also hired full time and she got fired because she "took too many breaks" meanwhile there was another coworker that took way more too many breaks.

while working there i saw many people get fired. like i dont know. and it was constantly understaffed. one time my manager asked me if i could work for 50 hrs one week and i told her "i'll think about it" only to find that weekend she changed my schedule without asking. (i had a breakdown that weekend).

when they had me set up my availability i had changed it so i would get mondays and tuesdays off because i realized i need two days off in a row instead of two random ass days and they didnt even. abide by that. and by the time it was like that on my schedule i already lost my job because i "violated company policy" because i accidentally scanned some fake coupons. which mind you, i never did anything wrong at the job beforehand so i shouldve really got a warning instead of being straight up fired.

but i honestly think they just wanted to get rid of me because i couldnt get enough people to sign up for a credit card, which again, i work in returns, so most people doing a return do not want to apply to a card. to expect someone in returns to have someone sign up for a fucking credit card everyday is insane. telling people that its not really a credit card is even more insane. the fact that im still stressed out over this because im fucking unemployed is. insane!!! and i dont even know if i can get unemployment. i feel like crying.

[bruiisedpetals-a]

long NON RP RANT — about work bc the audacity!?!??!   tldr: a girl who had applied and interviewed and confirmed her trial shift to be a barista last week and was V EXCITED so we cancelled another person for her trial .... showed up, said hi, chatted a bit, had a look inside, then said she was going for a walk to look around the area bc she isnt a local, and within 5 MINUTES (literally. five) ghosted, disappeared, text my boss and said “yeah nah bye”, and left me alone handling the whole place.  cue endless work for me w double the usual customers, and a shift that lasted three hours longer that it should have bc of the ghosting.

rel context: i work in a small coffee & bagel place, two people on one shift: one on coffee & point of sale and another to be the cook, we also have two online food delivery providers so we take orders in person and from two apps + i’m a barista and have line cook kitchen prac & experience so am actually a ‘cook’ ig?

so i mentioned in my post when i was half asleep yesterday that i had a new person coming into my workplace for a trial today, so i stayed late to prep for weekend trade + restock stuff, and came in early to set up everything just in case. we were v busy yesterday with food as it was so i had a lot to restock, and w mothers day tomorrow everything needs to be topped up more-so. that a lot of work by itself to be honest but manageable in between cooking, esp when you have an extra set of hands when its quiet to help.   look if you have seen any cooking show you might see that set up, prep and pack down take THE LONGEST ok.

 — our permanent staff consists of me and K, we have two other locations so we get help from Z and J, and they can usually cover the shifts that K and i can’t  (eg. K can’t do saturdays, i cant do every 3rd tuesday)  but they manage other locations so they are not available without prior notice.       so basically the only person who was available to work today was me, even my boss was busy moving house w his wife, 4mo and two under 8yo’s. —

this morning i’m at work at 7am, turn on things etc, set up my cooking stuff, open the coffee machine, nothing crazy. at abt 7:45am im chillin outside having a coffee and a smoke and someone walks up and it turns out to be the trial girl. we chat a bit etc, i show her inside and the machine    (she’s a barista and i’m the cook on shift)     —   i say that i just heard from my boss myself, bc she had spoken w him earlier that morning, and he’s on the way and should be here within 5-7 mins   ***technically we open at 8am but i was waiting for my boss but had checked the time to keep track & i had just text my boss back so i saw the timestamp***

so at 7:59am i head inside after i finish my smoke and she’s going to have a look where i told her there is free close parking for next time bc she took the train, at 8:04am my boss walks in and goes “WOW IT’S 8:04AM AND SHE’S NOT HERE lmao” (he did not yell it he’s a g - that’s just how i knew what the time was alksjfhg)     and i go “no she’s just having a look down [street] bc of the parking i literally saw her a few mins ago” and proceed to open the doors etc.  meanwhile i see my boss on the phone calling her, after a moment he comes over with a Whole “i cant fkn believe this” Face on while he’s on the phone.  i’m thinking “??? i hope trial girl didn’t get lost in these lil crossover streets damn”

(it’s 8:07am, from now the customers start. they DO NOT STOP until at least 11am, it was at least double the normal turnover of profits during that time so thats ur ref for how BUSY it got)

boss goes “ur not gonna believe this” and show me the mssg from trial girl who basically has said “hi i went to ur shop, and i had a wander around the area and its just not good enough for me so i’m on my way home”. she’s GONE. in those five minutes. she got up, lied to me, and was at the nearby train station leaving. boss is floored and i’m like !>?!??!?!@#!#?who IN THE FK does this?!?!? but the customers so *professional me is present rn*

between her and boss there’s a little back and forth (text, she wont answer any calls) where he literally pleads with her bc there is NO ONE who can come in an assist me and she confirmed yesterday and she WAS HERE, she continues to be like “mmmm well ik that we discussed this and i said that i would be here and its been set for days and i applied LAST WEEK etc. but... no sorry im going back to bed” and then blocks him.

& this whole thing takes place between

7:59AM — 8:07AM.

i was there from 7am - 4:35pm  / my usual saturday is 7:45am - 2:30pm

WHO DOES THAT. WHO IS THAT UNPROFESSIONAL. WHO??? WHOMST??? SHE WAS SO FKN RUDE I WAS liVID. LIKE. why LEAD us ALL ON. we all need to make a living do U THINk he can afford to lose a whole day of trade?? he’s got a whole FAmILY and his wife cant work rn bc she’s just had their 3rd child.   i live PaYCHECK to PAYcheck.  like this is life this isnt a game????   you are 29YRS OLD why cant u act grown 

[hotpocket-craft]

trigger for pet death

so. we just put down the family dog on tuesday. it was very peacful as we had the doctor come to the house nad do it there and she was very nice and didnt rush us. but it was hiss time to go. he was diagnosed with diabetes about a year ago and we have been religiously giving him his insulin every 12 hours, prolonging his life. but the past few months he's been slowly getting worse, we would up the insulin dosage which would slightly help. but over the past weekend he stopped eating and would drink vigorously, signs that he was in diabetic ketosis. and we brought him to the vet but they said they could TRY to get him out of it by keeping him there for 3 days ($$$$$$$) but ultimately it was just a bandaid and it would happen again. so we decided to bring him home and monitor him but that night he just would barely move and we had to put diapers on him. so in the mornign we called the people that do housecall euthanasia and they came that evening to do it. by the end of the day i was surpirised he had made it that far, his organs were definitely already shutting down. but all that is to say, now i feel incredibly guilty not about Cooper who passed, but Benji, my other dog who was present at the passing.

Cooper was our only dog for a long time, maybe6/7 years before I got old enough to pay bills and wanted my "own" dog, that is where benji comes in. i love benji with all my heart and want him now to experience everything there is to offer in life. before its too late. before he gets old and cant find joy in it anymore. but i cant have dogs in the condo i live in. The condo i live in is my brothers so i live rent free in a supportive environment of my transition, away form my parents but also away from benji. My parents take care of benji for me but i pay the bills for him. But i feel guilty now because i barely get to see benji. i moved into the place aroound march f this year and barely get to see benji and now i miss him so much i literally skipped class today to go see him and take him on a walk and spend time with him. I dont know why im writing this i just feel so horrible and life is so fragile and it sucks mega balls that dogs ont live as long as we want them too. im saving up to try and buy my own place one day but i fear that by the time i can afford it, benji will be to old to enjoy it. he is almost 5 now. i dont know what to do. and im a baker for work so i have to go to the store to do the baking so i cant just sit on a computer and have him near me all day. and my job gives me good benefits so i dont want to just quit for just any job out there that can keep me at home or in an office. BUT i am in school for another year and a half and when i have my bachelors maybe then i can get a job in an office and bring him. i just dont know what to do because i want to change how my life is going because i want to spend more time with my dog. idk. you can give advice or not i dont care im just sad and i have therapy today so i will talk there about it.

[the1975attheirverybest]

ignore this if you want to but basically last thursday was a bit of an awful morning that ended up with me missing my first lecture of the day, sat in bed crying and then bailing on going out to the pub and ignoring everyone which ended up being quite nice. i cant actually remember what i did over the weekend other than not work and then monday was okay like i went to the library and somewhat organised myself but got distracted as i ended up meeting up with friends and then buying wine from tescos do do a greek lit reading night which was fun but really overwhelming (i also dont actually like wine that much) but then tuesday as much as i got out of my flat i then did actually nothing all day and it made me feel awful and then yesterday i dont think i properly got out of bed until 5pm and ive just felt a bit horrific because i feel like im failing academically, ive not been eating properly at all and i kinda just hate myself and i kinda just want to go home but i dont really have the time and i feel like it would just make everything worse when i come back. i also git into a slight argument with a couple of home friends because i sent some a selfie of me as a reaction to something that was said and got a how are you still in bed (i think it was gone midday at that point) and i said ive been trying to will myself out of existence (which in retrospect does sound fucking stupid but i was being sincere) and got basically omg same in response which pissed me off. i then later send some matty related meme which got some form of light-hearted response along the lines of being insane and i then went on a bit of a tirade about how you dont know how mentally ill i actually am and the response kinda was yeah were worried but dont know how to show it lol which again kinda annoyed be given that i have been a mediator to a lot of their quite serious relationship issues but then got a bit of a more sincere response after but i didnt read it properly and havent really said anything bar sending a tiktok because i dont want to have to address me being a bit of an immature dick so now i feel kinda isolated because im not close enough to any of my uni friends to be like hey im having a bit of a crisis can you make sure i actually eat real meals and maybe even force me to the shops to buy food - 🐸

Hey,

I need you to listen to me and know that I am being 100% serious. I don’t think any of this was immature or dickish. Cuz, like, I don’t know. I’ve been in situations where I’m having a bad depressive episodes and when I can finally muster the courage or energy to tell someone about it, I’ve gotten “mood” or “same” in response. And it’s kind of hard because no not “same” you’re not just having a bad day or feeling sad about something like a bad grade on a test or something. You’re literally struggling with an illness. That, on top of getting a comment about not getting out of bed on time when you’ve already been beating yourself up about it is hurtful. Your feelings are totally valid.

Of course, they don’t know that / didn’t mean to hurt you. They thought they were just making a simple comment. But that doesn’t mean you should trivialize how you feel about it.

Maybe once you’re feeling a bit better and more clear headed you can talk to them about how best to support you in moments like this?

In the meantime, I’m happy to force you to go to the shops. What, is it like….1 pm UK time right now? You have until I’m done teaching for the day. Like, 4 hours from now. I better come back on here and see that you’ve gone to get something for a home cooked meal. Otherwise I won’t post what I wanted to post tonight hahaha. No but for real. Do check in and tell me that you went. Mental illness is gross. You’re doing the best you can. He gentler with your brain.

[loversdomain]

u warn me everytime and everytime i am shocked- a cycle i cherish

IM SORRY I WAS FINISHING THE FIC I AM BACK!!!!

so obvs i started my new job last sunday, had my first proper shift tuesday just done and i work weekends. i always knew saturday was gonna be busy and it might be more stressful because of the fact the place only opened up two weeks agp. but when i tell u that nothing could have PREPARED me, 16 year old little me who just wanted to be abt 5/6 hours working and go home, for the absolute MONSTROSITY that was my shift on saturday. NOTHING HEARTPASCAL.

i used to work in a hotel, and i understand that the organisation skills of a hotel and a small family owned restaurant are gonna be drastically different- small owned or not u still need to have communication between staff members. at my old job u had to be on the ball, chefs had to tell waiters exactly what they were taking out and where and they had to be keeping their food tickets in order and stay on the ball- and at the same time waitresses had to be making sure everyone had the right food and it all went out at the same time etc etc. but at my new job its so ??? just all over the place, esp on a busy day staff needs to be able to communicate.

the way its laid out is there is 20 tables in the back, 16 in the front. majority of the front sit 2/3 people and the back mostly seat 3/4 with just under 10 tables that seat 2- when i got there a bit of the restaurant was full but it wasnt too busy (i got there at 12). at about 1 it started to get very busy, there were 5 of us on at that time so i thought it should be fine bc we also had both baristas on so none of us had to make drinks. I WAS WRONG 🤗🤗

a table of three had to wait 1 1/2 for 3 TOASTIES?? literaly sandwhiches they cook like that is ridiculous?? so many tables were waiting over an hour and then having to cancel and get a refund or keep their food and get a refund. like i wanna estimate abt £100 in refunds went out yesterday?? like thats insane.

i literally almost cried at one point bc abt 4 tables had been waiting 45mins-1hr and ALL 4 were complaining to me at once, and i had to keep apologising and saying im realy sorry and going to check up on their orders that still weren't getting done!!! and what makes it worse is that when i tried seeing how long it would be i was either getting told "theyre on the queue" or i was being ignored- and this is an open kitchen not in a seperate back part and all these customers were on back tables so every single one could see me getting ignored and then being visibly upset which was even worse. i kept apologising like my life depended on it and i think a woman was abt to start having a go but saw my eyes starting to literally water and told me it wasnt my fault and that she and everyone around whos complaining about food understands that my position is uncomfortable which was nice bc that never wouldve happened at my old job (love that woman, dk her name but she looked a bit like an amanda tbh).

anways everyone did end up getting their food who stayed but apparently the woman who started conversations with other tables (the one who looks like an amanda basically started asking ppl how long theyd been waiting for or whatever) is someone who owns a business close by and was trying to start stuff?? which idk, bc she did speak to me when i collected plates that the food was brilliant (its all fresh) and theyll come back on a less busy day ?? AND what makes me even more annoyed is that, one of the main problems the chefs had yeserday was the tickets, they kept arranging them out of order and after doing one meal out of 2 or 3 they would put the ticket in the bowl of finished tables (when obvs they werent finished) so tables would get one or two meals and other would never get it or be stuck waiting for ages. so the chefs would have to start digging thru this bowl of receipts in order to find the rest of an order. so today i suggested rather than using a bowl, a spike would be better because that way it wouldnt be messy and itd be easier to find tickets bc theyd all be in order. i also suggested rather than throwing away the receipt that come to the baristas when theyve made drinks, they give it to waitresses to put somewhere by the kitchen so they know whats going out. and i was shut down immediately ?? bc apparently me and all the other waitresses experiencing stress from customers firsthand rather than the chefs/kitchen wasnt enough of a shout to perhaps make some changes with communication and small ways to make life easier (sarcasm). like my boss fully tried saying "no no they werent the problems, the customers were" ??? SORRY?? if i had to wait over an hour for my food as one of the early customers who came in just before rush started id be pretty pissed too, and either way in hospitality, the customer is always right (act like that to their face anyways)- so blaming everything on them when in this case it was the kitchen's fault is giving i dont want to take accountability for my faults 😟😟 like okay sir whatever u say !!! but at least i got over a hundred quid for this week and 60 in the saving so im well sorted

i just saw theres a part 2 to the fic that ruined my life. do i read it ?? do i ?! OFC i do i strive of off emotional pain duh!! BRB

also omg i have to tell u abt my new job its insane 😭😭

HAHAHA we are one and the same here !!! but hey don’t say i didn’t warn you of the angst 🫡

oh?!?! pls do tell YOU CANT LEAVE ME IN SUSPENSE LIKE THIS!!! come BACK!!!

[pepprs]

mutuals i am hanging by threads. THREADS

[juicyjunhui]

I have SO much to do it's ridiculous

Chemistry assignment

Photography assignment

Photography portfolio

Makeup portfolio

Organisation of a big ass event I could be hosting

Genetics assignment

Keep my room clean and organised so I can find stuff despite having no free time

Kill me

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

august 4

I initially woke up with really good intentions for the day. Today was gonna be a better day (and it still has that potential since it’s only 9).

I overslept and had nightmare after nightmare about the dog peeing on the carpet or escaping her crate and peeing on the carpet (can you tell this stresses me out?)

I finally pull myself outta bed and clock in but I still have to take the dog outside. But it’s trash day. So she comes out of her crate and immediately runs under my desk so I have to drag her out to put her harness on. She’s literally shivering from fear and won’t cooperate. I finally get it on and she won’t move. She’s only 15 pounds so it’s not like I can’t physically move her but she’s fucking traumatized and then I feel like a monster trying to move her small shaking and panting body.

Then I get this total overwhelm feeling because I’m so.tired. of dealing with her day in and day out. I’m so tired of being stuck in my house all the time with this dog who is afraid of everything and makes going outside with her so hard. I’m so tired of being alone in this house and having to handle her on my own.

I took her out last evening, M was already home and showering and was gonna take her out but she was sitting at the door (her non verbal sign for “I have to pee RIGHT now take me out or I will pee on your carpet this is an emergency) so I take her out. She literally gives no other signal and that is the last train to outside potty.

The neighbor dogs come out ( a golden and some kind of medium fluffy white dog) I didn’t notice. Next thing I know the leash is giving me leash burn. I always have a tight grip on the end of it so she didn’t go far, but was FULL ON CHARGING at these dogs.

And I can’t do it anymore. And we can’t afford training right now. But I can’t do this on my own.

M is only home from like 9pm and we go to bed at 11 so he can’t really do much. It’s dark outside. And she is perfectly fine inside with the exception of peeing when we miss her silent potty alarm. Which I admit is happening more often because I’m so overwhelmed with the thought of taking her outside every 4 hours.

Work didn’t approve M’s requested schedule for the quarterly schedule change. He requested Monday-Friday 8-5 so he can actually be home with me now, but they put him Wednesday-Thursday 8-5, Friday 10-7, Saturday 8-5, Sunday 8-5. So now we can’t go to church together and he works the weekends when I am off. His mom is off weekends, so he’ll still have to be at their house to take care of his grandmom on mondays and Tuesdays, so I still won’t really see him.

And I still have no fucking friends in the area and he’s the only person I get to do stuff with now. I have one other friend in Florida and she won’t drive to me because I’m 2 hours away. I admittedly stopped making the effort because I got tired of being the only one making the trip. My other friend moved to NY and my other one just disappeared after the ex came back.

I wanted today to be a better day but it’s 9am and I’m already sobbing on my couch because I am tired of this. Im tired of feeling so lonely.

—-

One more week until the summer is over and I will at least be at schools 3 days a week. And I hope that helps. It’s still really only talking to children but it’s better than talking to the dog all day. Who spends most of her day hiding under the bed anyway.

—-

M said he was open to moving, and that his mom would probably follow, I know my parents wouldn’t but we barely talk now anyway and they want literally nothing to do with M.

The idea of moving back to Jersey is floating around in my head. I wanna be by my friends again. Because I know we always make time for each other. Even if we’re too busy, we just go grocery shopping together or whatever mundane task you have to do. Because it’s important to us to see each other often. And then I’d only be a weekend trip away from my best friend again. We saw each other every other month and alternated who drove to who. So yah, I can’t get a friend here to drive two hours to me but my best friend and I coordinated 8 hour drives to each other 6 times a year. So. I just don’t believe the excuses here.

[stevie-kd]

“Feral”

Part 5

Read part 1 here

Read part 2 here

Read part 3 here

Read part 4 here

::in which Bakugou and Kirishima are closer than ever, quite literally and figuratively. Bakugou messes up, plans are definitely NOT cancelled, and there is a maybe date happening::

P.S. IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO POST. It was a loooong week. I’ve gotten a promotion though, so that was cool! Anywho, I’ll try and be quicker with the updates since I have a lot of my one-shots already half finished:)

P.P.S. I wrote out the whole chapter and apparently it’s exceeded a word count or something so I had to split it into two chapters. I just have to give it a quick edit and I’ll have it up today, hopefully in the next couple hours.

+++++++++++++

Aizawa kept Bakugou for one more night just for observation. He was allowed back to class Tuesday morning.

Kirishima waited outside of his dorm for Bakugou to finish getting ready. He played a game on his phone and leaned against the wall opposite of Bakugou’s door.

He’d only been waiting a few minutes before the door opened and a fully-uniformed Bakugou Katsuki stepped out. He looked well rested and much more like himself than Kirishima had seen him in days. He still had his usual grumpy look, but it put a smile on Kirishima’s face to see it. He’d missed Bakugou so much that having him back felt like a hole had been filled in his chest.

Kirishima didn’t think about what he did next until Bakugou pulled away. The redhead looked down at their hands, dawning on him that he’d just tried to hold Bakugou’s hand. The movement felt so natural, almost like an instinct.

“Oh!” he said, surprised by himself. “I’m sorry, man. That was weird of me. I didn’t even think about it—”

“It’s fine, Shitty Hair,” Bakugou interrupted him. “Here.”

Kirishima watched as Bakugou laced their arms together at their elbows. He had a weird scowl on his face, but he didn’t say anything about it and opted to tug Kirishima along to get him moving. Together, arm in arm, they descended the hall until they reached the elevator.

They didn’t say a word the whole ride down. Kirishima was too lost in his racing thoughts to come up with the right thing to say.

Was Bakugou touch starved? He wasn’t ever the type of guy to initiate any sort of touching. Though, he hadn’t been able to get near anyone in days. On average, at least a few times a day Kirishima would lean on him or put a hand on his shoulder or sometimes even throw him into a surprise hug the blond didn’t see coming. Bakugou had adapted to Kirishima’s fondness. This—having Bakugou as the initiator—was so foreign, Kirishima couldn’t wrap his head around it.

They didn’t let go of each other until they reached the kitchen. Kirishima tossed Bakugou ingredients and utensils as the explosive boy whipped up some egg drop ramen for the two of them.

He usually made more food to include the Bakusquad, but he never bothered with breakfast. The other three were never up early enough.

As it turned out, Kaminari was right: Kirishima had missed Bakugou’s cooking. He wasn’t sure where the blond learned to cook so well, but Kirishima would have given his pal a five star review on Yelp if he could have.

“What did I miss in class?” Bakugou asked after they’d sat down. He was twirling his chopsticks around in his bowl to pick up some noodles.

“Don’t know,” Kirishima answered through a mouthful. He swallowed before continuing. “I didn’t really go to class yesterday.”

Bakugou frowned. He glared at his ramen like he’d just witnessed it murder his cat. “Let’s ask Ponytail for her notes. I’m not asking shitty Deku. His notebook is a fucking mess.”

“Good idea,” Kirishima agreed. “Hey, did you wanna do some extra training after class? The gym is free today. We could work on our special moves like last time.”

Bakugou seemed to be thinking it over. After a moment of considering, he set his chopsticks down. “What if we went to the movies?”

Kirishima stared at him. He’d said it in such a soft voice, Kirishima knew he was being serious. “The movies? Over training? That doesn’t sound like you.”

He glared in return. “Do you want to or not, Shitty Hair?”

He laughed. “Yeah, totally! Was there a movie you had in mind?”

Bakugou picked his chopsticks back up and was using the utensils to play with his food. Kirishima couldn’t help thinking he looked shy. His cheeks were the slightest hint of pink. “There’s that action movie… I know you like those.”

Kirishima perked up at that. “Really? You’re talking about the one where those two guys have to duel for the dojo after their master is killed, right?”

“The only cheesy-as-hell action movie in the theaters right now, yes.”

“Dude, I’ve wanted to watch that forever! It didn’t do great in the box office, but I think it looks great! You really want to sit through that for me? That doesn’t seem like your kind of movie.”

He finally stood to take his bowl to the sink. “I just want to get out. I’ve spent the last four days staring at white walls.” He nodded his head to Kirishima’s empty bowl, who got the message and passed it over.

“I’m down for the movie, one-hundred percent! And, hey—maybe this weekend we can go hiking? That should help get you out of your own head.”

He hummed in response. “There was that new trail we could try.”

“Oh! Yeah, I remember that. We wanted to go last time, but it was getting too dark so we didn’t get the chance. How’s your schedule look? I’m free all weekend!”

He finished up washing their dishes and deposited them onto the drying rack. “Let’s go Saturday. My shitty aunt is in town this weekend, so I can avoid her at least then. I have some stupid family dinner my parents are making me go to on Sunday if… uh, if you wanna go.”

Kirishima cocked his head. “To your family dinner? You want me to go? Would I be intruding?”

Bakugou leaned against the counter and folded his arms. “No. If you’re there I might actually act ‘civil’ is how my old hag put it. You can sleep over too, if you want.”

Kirishima’s eyes sparkled. A sleepover? At Bakugou’s house?! He’d been over a few times, and he loved being able to spend the extra time with his hot-headed friend. But a sleepover? His heart nearly leapt out of his chest.

“Hell yeah! You usually head home Friday nights, right? What time should I be around Saturday to head on the hike?”

“Just come home with me Friday. Then we can leave early.”

Holy. Shit.

Two whole nights with Bakugou. He felt like his brain was about to short circuit.

His moms wouldn’t like him not visiting over the weekend, but they would understand. He talked pretty highly of Bakugou to his parents, so they would know how much this meant to him.

He pumped his fists together. “Alright! A guys’ weekend! This is gonna be great, man! We can watch movies and play video games, and I’m gonna get you to stay up past eight-thirty!”

Bakugou snorted. “Then I’ll make sure to wake you up by six in the morning.”

“No!” Kirishima gasped. “That’s just cruel, man.”

Bakugou smirked and grabbed his book bag, then headed for the door. Kirishima jumped up to follow.

Class was extra boring today, and Kirishima couldn’t pay attention to a word of his lessons. The day dragged on, probably because he had the movies with Bakugou to look forward to.

Finally, the bell rang for lunch. He and the squad moved out while Bakugou stayed back to collect the homework assignments he missed yesterday. He’d catch up with them after.

They were all seated at their usual table, Ashido chatting everyone’s ears off. Kirishima zoned out staring out the window at the lawn when the pink-haired girl brought him back down to earth.

“Kiri? Babe. Earth to Kirishima.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. My head is all over the place today.”

He hadn’t even realized Bakugou sat down beside him. The blond was giving him a weird look as he popped open his bento box.

“So!” Kaminari exclaimed, catching everyone’s attention. “I had this idea—”

“Oh shit,” Bakugou muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Kaminari glared at him while everyone else laughed. “Anyway. Wouldn’t it be such a good idea if we challenged Bakugou and Sato to a cook off? Our class chef versus our class baker. It'd be epic!”

“I love it!” Ashido announced.

Sero looked into the distance dreamily. “Think about all the leftover food.”

“I don’t bake,” Bakugou stated. “I don’t do sweets. And Sugar Freak is a shit cook. Wouldn’t be much of a challenge.”

“Well, we can have you both whip up something as a main dish and then a dessert to follow,” Ashido suggested. “We could vote whose meal was better.”

Bakugou didn’t look impressed. He stuffed a chunk of beef into his mouth and ignored the rest of the conversation.

“What if we did it tonight? Everyone’s free, right?”

Kirishima whipped his head up from his meal to face Kaminari. “Not tonight, man. We’ve got homework to catch up on, and Bakugou and I were going to catch a movie.”

Everyone’s eyebrows scrunched. They stared between the two boys like this was weird behavior of them.

“The movies?” Ashido asked, her expression shifting to something more mischievous. “Like, just the two of you? Alone?”

“You annoying shitsticks aren’t coming, so don’t even ask,” Bakugou said in his grumpy voice.

Kaminari raised a devilish eyebrow. “So… is this like… a date?”

Kirishima felt his ears grow hot. “No! No, it’s not like that! We’re just two bros going to the movies! Right, Katsuki?”

He looked over to the blond, who had a death grip on his chopsticks. His face read pure rage, but there was a blush crawling up his neck and cheeks. It seemed to worsen at the use of his given name. The chopsticks snapped in his grip.

“KATSUKI?!” Ashido practically screamed. “He lets you call him by his given name?”

The other two boys were dying at this point. They clutched their stomachs as they busted out laughing, tears sparkling in their eyes. Sero slapped a hand on the table. “Oh my god! I can’t breathe!”

Bakugou slammed his own fists against the table and stood. “FUCK YOU GUYS, WE’RE OUT OF HERE! COME ON, SHITTY HAIR! LET’S GO.”

Kirishima stood on wobbly legs, his meal forgotten as his mind reeled. He chased after Bakugou, a million questions racing through his brain he couldn’t seem to vocalize. Was this a date? If it wasn’t, wouldn’t Bakugou have corrected them? If it was, why’d he get so defensive?

Bakugou turned around and grabbed Kirishima by the elbow to speed him up. They must have been too loud, because half the cafeteria’s eyes were watching them as they left.

They made it back to the classroom, and Bakugou’s grip hadn't let up. He finally let go when he moved to his desk and sat down heavily. He crossed his arms and turned his face away from Kirishima.

“Uh,” Kirishima tried to form words, but he wasn’t sure what to say. “Should we talk about this?”

“No,” he answered quickly.

“Well, that seemed to really bother you back there. If you were thinking—”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Eijirou.”

Kirishima could see the angry blush on his face when he glanced back at the redhead. Kirishima settled into the desk beside his. “Alright. You still want to go though, don’t you?”

He huffed. “Yeah, we’re still fucking going.”

His lips spread into a smile. “Glad to hear it! I can’t wait.”

The two broke out their homework after that, attempting to get caught up before the rest of the class slowly trickled back in. To Kirishima’s surprise, it was Bakugou who was having trouble focusing.

Class started up again, and Kirishima had to migrate back to his own desk. A worksheet was passed out by Midnight, and they were told to fill out what they could. Kirishima was only a few questions in when he glanced Bakugou’s way out of habit.

Midoriya was leaning forward, whispering something to Bakugou, who looked his usual amount of annoyed. It was when the green-haired boy reached out to tap Bakugou’s shoulder that chaos ensued.

Kirishima shot from his desk and across the room before most students even noticed anything was wrong. Everything happened so fast, even Kirishima’s brain had to play catch up.

Bakugou had snapped. In an instant, he’d had Midoriya pinned to the floor, slashing at his face with the claws that weren’t there. Midoriya was obviously caught off guard, but he was still fast enough to hold his arms up to shield his face from Bakugou’s attacks.

Kirishima tackled Bakugou off of his rival, using his hardening to pin him down. Bakugou was uncharacteristically hissing like some wild animal. Sero and Tokoyami were out of their seats now too, ready to help if they could.

“Katsuki!” Kirishima yelled, trying to snap the blond back to reality. “Katsuki, stop! It’s me! It’s Eijirou!”

Midnight stood above the boys, her hand resting on her sleeve and ready to tear it to put Bakugou to sleep with her quirk. Kirishima quickly shook his head at her. “Don’t! That won’t help.”

Bakugou’s movements became sluggish and he was blinking hard, quicly coming back to his senses. Kirishima watched as realization dawned in his eyes. He looked between Kirishima on top of him to Midoriya on the ground a few feet away. “Shit,” he cursed.

“Kacchan, I’m sorry!” Midoriya apologized. “I didn’t know the quirk hadn’t worn off yet. I shouldn’t have touched you. Kacchan, I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me, damn nerd!” he shouted in return. He growled in frustration. “I thought this shit was over.”

“It’s alright, man,” Kirishima sighed, relieved to have Bakugou back. He slid off of the blond and sat on the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. “Midoriya, you okay?”

“I-I’m fine!”

“Ahem,” Midnight cleared her throat. She had her hands on her hips and an unimpressed look on her face. “Could someone tell me what’s going on?”

“After effects,” Todoroki was the one to explain to Kirishima’s surprise. “It seems the quirk hasn’t quite worn off.”

“I’m fine now,” Bakugou grumbled. “It’s gone.”

“I highly doubt—”

“It was a fluke!”

“Guys!” Kirishima raised his voice to get them to stop. Bakugou glared at him for his interruption. Kirishima ignored the look and turned back to the other student still on the floor. “Midoriya, why don’t you swap seats with me for today?”

Midoriya nodded, finally pulling himself off the ground. “Good idea.”

Bakugou caught Kirishima’s wrist before he could stand as well. “I don’t need a damn babysitter.”

“I’m not babysitting you,” the redhead fired back. “My quirk is best suited to stop you if it happens again, which I doubt it will. Just a precaution, man.”

Midnight was tapping her foot, arms folded as she stared the two down. “Are you boys sure this is such a good idea?”

“Yes,” they said in unison. They looked at each other, and Bakugou bowed his head to allow Kirishima to finish. “He’ll be fine. It won’t happen again, and I’ll be there to stop him before it could happen again.”

She clicked her tongue. “Alright. I’ll allow it. Don’t make me regret it. And there had better not be any more interruptions.”

Everyone migrated back to their seats and the light chatter died off. Kirishima and Midoriya collected their things and traded seats. Once he was seated, Kirishima noticed a folded up piece of paper on the corner of the desk.

He opened it as quietly as he could, but Midnight seemed pretty preoccupied by the romance novel her eyes were glued to. It was definitely Bakugou’s handwriting, all caps and angry penmanship.

THANK YOU EIJIRO. YOU’ RE A GOOD FRIEND

Kirishima smiled. Bakugou really had grown so much in his time since coming to UA. Kirishima was so proud to be the explosive boy’s friend.

It’s cool ! Don’t sweat it man . Still wanna see that movie tonight ??

He tossed the note over Bakugou’s shoulder, who jumped a little like he was surprised to see it return. Kirishima could hear his pencil scrawling out a reply.

He passed it back, his eyes on Midnight to avoid being caught passing notes.

STILL THINK IT’S A GOOD IDEA?

Totally !! I wanna spend time with you dude

He chewed on his lip. Maybe that was a little too forward. He ended up erasing that bit and starting over.

Yeh man I think it’d be good for you to get out . Being cooped up for days isn’t good for ya

Bakugou held onto the note for a few minutes, maybe contemplating what to say. Kirishima tried to focus on his assignment, but it proved impossible and he ended up circling random answers.

Bakugou twisted his arm behind his back and held the folded note between two fingers. Kirishima plucked it from his grasp and unfurled it again.

COME TO MY ROOM AFTER YOU’RE READY TO GO. WE’RE GONNA GET DINNER FIRST SHITTY HAIR.

Kirishima giggled, and a few heads turned his way. He was too excited to care about the prying eyes or the blush that rose to his cheeks.

He couldn’t help but think about how date-like this seemed. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but… well.

He couldn’t help it.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Hope you guys liked it, and thanks for the read !!

Read part 6 here

8/31/2020

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

[sumastudies]

so, this is how it’s going (for me)

it’s currently day 20 of my self-isolation journey. my department in uni had us do one last day (friday the 13th) of normal classes because i had 2 labs and quizzes that, so we did those and then the isolation began. and now im losing my mind.

a little background: i got sick the week the government here came out with the announcement that uni is gonna be off for 3 weeks (now extended for the rest of the semester being online). that decision didn’t come out until thursday the 12th. the thing is, i usually dont get too sick? like, it’s pretty normal for me to start feeling sick, have a bit of a scratchy throat and maybe a headache, stuffy nose too, but my immune system always always manages to fight it off in a couple of days. so since it’s pretty rare for me to get sick enough to want to stay home. in the beginning of that week, i thought that was what was gonna happen too, but by wednesday, it seemed that yeah, im sick and my body is too tired to fight it off. see, i sort of didn’t consciously think about going to uni - it was a given that i had to. i had a lab midterm i HAD to do on tuesday, and then i couldnt afford to miss my classes for the rest of the week (for the sake of material and i didnt want to go over my nonattendance allowance), but then on thursday afternoon at like 2pm, after a full day of classes since 9am, i fell asleep in class out of pure exhaustion, and that’s when i knew that i absolutely HAD to stay home. imagine the frustration. if i’d stayed home that morning, or at least skipped 1 class, i’d have felt marginally better, at the least.

but i couldnt. my classes wouldnt end til 7.30 that evening, and i had the 2 labs and quizzes to prepare for and go to the next day from 9am-6pm - only then could i let my body rest.

so i got through both classes that day, and got back home so tired all i could do was lay in bed so tired i didnt even change out of my clothes, with guilt weighing down on me because i wasnt studying for the next day’s labs. by 12am, i was so frustrated and bone-achingly tired that i just gave up and texted a friend to ask the TAs in the morning lab if i could do anything to compensate what i’d miss if she didnt see me in the morning. then i took finally go to sleep with alarms for 6am that i would get up to if i heard in the morning to study. here’s when the sobbing starts out of nowhere.

in hindsight, i dont know if it was just a normal flu that my body couldnt fight off due to physical exhaustion, or if it was something else. (bear in mind, that was the week when only the first case of covid19 was reported here, so logically it couldnt have been but the paranoia was definitely there and definitely scary as hell)

fast foward to now: it’s been 2 weeks of online classes, and one more before that of netflix only, and im just about losing my mind. i came to stay over at my friends’ after only the first weekend and now idk if i wanna go back to my apartment alone or if it’s just because my mind is generally restless and i just wanna go back to be with my family. (that’s a whole other story tho)

even worse, i cant bring myself to focus on my classes, even though i wanted them to start so bad that first week i had to do absolutely nothing, for the sake of some structure. my uni plans to give some projects/homeworks to replace midterms at least, the fate of finals is still undecided, and labs might be done in the summer, and i cant get myself to study even for myself and my own growth. the way i’ve been wanting to since winter break in jan.

this unmotivation is killing me, and i know im not the only one feeling this way, i know that literally the whole world is in this situation and mindstate right now, but i feel like i want to explode. i cant help but blame myself and my own fucked up brain for not being productive and being good for myself, just like i always do.

i want to do more with my life with all the time that i have now, work towards my future career somehow. even the internship i was supposed to start planning for this summer is probably gonna be suspended or whatever.

i study both pharmacy and business admin, and i feel like it’s more accessible to try and do something with my business degree in some way, but my brain has never been trained to be of the entrepreneurial type.

im just. so sick of being in limbo like this.

i havent even been able to get myself to write (anything, of any sort) in MONTHS

i dont even know when i can get back home to my family, since no one’s accepting any incoming flights and im not even a permanent resident so. fuck all this shit.

[chnsfairy]

a rose of a different color | yang jeongin

words ; 2,302

requested ; no

genre ; fluff

warnings ; literally one, maybe two, curse words

a/n ; dedicated to one of the best people i know 

m.list in bio

-

ok so maybe you weren’t a big fan of the whole valentines day thing

flowers and chocolates and whatnot

the whole shEbANG

love was such a foreign concept to you as throughout your first couple years of high school you’d been solely focusing on your grades,, you didn’t have time for romance or anything like that 

cAUSE WE GOTTA GET THOSE GOOD GRADES KIDS ヽ( `д´*)ノ

your school had, unfortunately, decided to sell roses and chocolates that could be anonymously given to people. it was pretty cheap and people had fun sending their friends or special someone presents throughout the day

but you hadn’t been paying attention to whatever that was,, in the end, you completely forgot about it

anyway,,, i mean you’ve got a history test tomorrow GOOD LUCK BBY (づ￣ ³￣)づ

you’ve got other things to focus on other than that stuff 

so while other’s were busy wasting a dollar on the red roses, you were catching up on some school work in the library

at this point during the day it was nice and quiet, only a couple of other kids were sitting at the desks surrounding you and the librarian had left to eat or something

no one really knows where she goes

and the only noise that you could hear was the scribbling of pencils on paper or the clicky noise of fingers tapping keyboards

well that was until jisung decided to burst through the door and diSRUPT EVERYBODY LIKE USUAL THAT KID IS LOUDD (⇀‸↼‶) (＃＞＜)

your best friend everybody, with his fluffy blonde hair and headphones, permanently glued to his ears

“look y/n- i love that you always fix up my essays and homework for me, really, but you gotta do something other than just sit in here and workkkk” jisung said, quickly sliding into the seat across from you and took the book from out of your hands and into his lap

“hey!” he took your book bitch you want it back (︶︹︺)

“nope,, you can get it after class if you want~” jisung stood up and started waving it in the air before checking his watch and giving you a smirk

“lunch is over anyway do you ever check the clock?” book still in his hand he headed towards the doors that opened up into the busy hallway and disappeared into the crowd of students

did you want to get up?

no

did you have to to get that useless education? 

yes

so you frantically tried to shove everything back into your bag,, dropping things multiple times onto the floor as you scramble to catch up with jisung

who feels miles away at this point

and after about ten seconds you just gave up said ‘fuck this’ and started walking at a normal pace towards your locker 

aint no boy gonna make you run through the crowd of rushing teens o(>< )o (;¬_¬)

however when you did reach your locker you could clearly see the same boy you just basically ran away from you, leaning against the metal box and who seemed to be reading the back of your book

jisung saw that you were coming up from the hallway and stood up straight, allowing you to actually open your locker instead of just block you from it

“so can i have it back now?”

“i don't know what you’re talking about.”

that littlE-

“you know what- nevermind i guess you’ll just have to work on calculus by yourself” you chuckled lightly to yourself as you opened your locker

“wha- no! i’ll give it- oh hey” jisung stopped mid-sentence as he peered into the same metal box you were looking at

“woah y/n who’s the lucky guy?”

“uhhhh,,, no one???” wth jisung you know its me stfu

when you looked in you could see a delicate rose laying at the bottom of your locker next to your books, the same one the school had been selling to students

carefully, you picked it up to examine the red flower closer,, it was beautiful, to say the least

it almost looked perfect you were shocked to see it being preserved this well

“at this rate its gonna be like that forever-”

beT you wacked his arm as he gave out a small laugh and raised his hands in surrender

“im kidding~ anyway, who’s it from?” 

you looked deeper into your locker, maybe this person left a note or something,,, who knows

“um it doesn’t say...” you said, still confused, as you close the door to your locker

“uuuu y/nnnnn~ looks like someones pining over youuuu” h a its me

you quickly shook your head and shrugged it off as jisung went on about how good this was for you

ok so maybe you’re kinda dying on the inside and you’re trying really hard not to say anything but this is kinda sweet and adorable and omg you dont even know who this kid is but they’re already doing things to you and your heart<(｀^´)>

‘GETTING ROSES FROM STRANGERS DOESNT MATTER’ YEAH OK SURE LOOK AT YOU NOW 

“sungie a flower can mean a lot of different things” you argued

“but on valentines day?? of all days?? come on y/n,, red one's represent love you know”

“yeah yeah whatever,” you said as you continued walking towards your next, soon arrivng and heading for the back of the classroom where you took a seat in your usual spot

“hey how do you think they got into your locker?” jisung questioned as he plopped his bag on the floor and sat in the seat next to you

oh shit he’s right how- huh- how did they get in cREEPY

“maybe they have access to the master key,,, um student council?”

“jisung why would the student council have access to the master key?”

jisung scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders

“i dont know maybe they stole it~” he wiggled his eyebrows and gave you a smirk before pulling out 

“oh shut up, they probably know seungmin or something- who’s mom is literally the principle” 

the teacher had then started the class and for the first time in a while you found yourself distracted, you couldnt focus on anything the teacher was saying and your notebook remained empty by the end of the period

i mean like

the fact that someone went to all that trouble just to give you that,, i mean couldnt they have done it another time?? i mean you’re not complaining at all,, but you dont want to make someone go out of your way to do that (╯︵╰,)

“y/n its time to go, come on” snapping out of your daze you see jisung and everyone else packing up to leave “wow first time i’ve seen you distracted about anything”

iTS NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR HEART IS GOING bBoM BOM BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID PLANT OK ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ

“n-no there was just nothing note worth today”

“uh huh sure”

the rest of the day passed as normal, you only had one more class before you headed home and all you were doing was working with your project partner, jeongin, to finish a presentation, which was due next week

when you got home you found a small vase from a cupboard in the kitchen and filled it with water before placing the pretty flower in it,, unsure of what else to do with it but put it on your desk

the next day went the same as always, you went to class, jisung annoyed you to a point where you felt like hitting him, but you gave up and helped him with his math work and you read in the library during lunch

nothing new

you met jisung at your locker once again after lunch and you could clearly see the sweat laced across his forehead and his heavy breaths indicated that he was probably outside playing basketball with hyunjin or something

“what’s your bet i can cheat on this history test”

“can i bet negative”

“wow o ye, of little faith,, come on believe in me”

rolling your eyes you opened your locker once again to grab a book, which you were instead met with what looks like another rose?

but its not valentines day??

“y/n there's no denying it now”

this time the fragile blossom was more of a lavender shade

“oh hey cool it’s a different color,” jisung said as he peered over shoulder “that means its got a different meaning”

“hey maybe you’ll ace a botany quiz instead of this history one, yeah?”

“haha very funny”

and that was that,,, you left it in your locker and took it home and placed it gently in the vase with the other flower, not giving it much thought other than that

still you were kinda curious

over the weekend you almost forgot about it, but your mind still drifted to the origin and the person who bought the flowers that continued to sit at your desk

you didnt know how to feel honestly, you had no clue who this person was yet they still make your insides all squishy (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄) uWU

on monday, you thought that this whole thing would have passed and that you would never get to find out who your rose giver was

yet when you opened your locker yet again after lunch, with a wild jisung peeking over your shoulder again, there they were again

but this time there was wayy more than just a single flower

a bouquet of thirteen different colored roses, all identical and just utterly gorgeous

“you know i once read something about the number of roses given to you...although i’ve forgotten about it now” jisung whispered, causing you to jump back in surprise

turning to your friend you gave him a glare before closing your locker once again

“oh come on arent you curious who it is??”

“no”

“yeah right y/n i can tell you do”

“i do not,, because whoever it is shouldnt waste their time or money on me”

jisung laughed and swung his arm around your shoulder, “ok y/n whatever you say”

for the rest of the week this person continued to fill your locker with all sorts of colors and combinations of roses

and day after day the number seemed to get smaller, tuesday it was twelve, wednesday there were ten, on thursday it suddenly dropped down to two, and finally back to only one on friday

but something was different this time

there was actually a note

“meet me by the orchid tree after school? um only if you want to...”

even in their notes they sounded adorable you couldnt just not go,, and you would be lying if you were to say you weren’t at all curious

jisung continued teasing you throughout the entire week, offering to find out who it was if really necessary and ended up just continuously guessing who it could be when you said no

“awww look at my y/n,, growing up and getting into relationships~” jisung cooed as you put the rest of your notebooks into your bag and pulled out the single rose from this afternoon, as well as the note that came with it

you were actually quite nervous, to say the least, i mean,, you’ve never had any experience with romance and you didnt know what you were even going to say

throughout the afternoon you had kept fidgeting with your fingers and hair out of nerves, and when it finally came to leave for the day your hands were clammy and you just felt so...jittery

jisung pat your back and pushed you out the front doors and into the small courtyard, motioning towards the old orchid tree that sat at the other end of the field

“ok if you’re not back in five minutes im going home and assuming you’ve got a date,” he said giving you a wink before pulling out his headphones from his bag

‘go!’ jisung mouthed before he sat down on a bench near the front doors,, leaving you completely vulnerable on your own

breath. take a couple steps. breath. take a few more. just keep breathing and maybe the nerves will calm you down,, you thought as you made your way across the grass towards the tree

in the distance you could see a boy sitting under it, black hair covering his head and such bright red roses in his hands you could see them from all the way over here

as you reached closer you were able to make out the face of your admirer

“jeongin?” you asked, an unknowing relief sound filling your voice

standing up quickly, red across his cheeks, jeongin gave you a small smile before looking back down at the ground

“are you disappointed?” he asked, you could hear the nerves tint his sentence,, he went through all this trouble because he just has no other clue hOW TO TALK TOO SOMEONE SO AMAZING AS YOU OK HES SCARED OF REJECTION HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO

“um, surprisingly?” you took a couple more steps towards him, only a couple of inches separated the two of you now

“not really” you said before quickly pecking his cheek, causing jeongin’s entire face to go red 

you quickly hid in your hands and shook your head,, trying not to squeal or do anything more stupid than you just did

“a-ah im sorry!” 

you heard a small giggle come from in front of you,, opening your eyes you saw jeongin holding six pure crimson red roses out in front of him

“im glad~” he said as you took the small bouquet from his hands

“wanna go see a movie or something?” jeongin offered, hope glittering his eyes you couldnt help but grin

“of course i would”

-

bonus ;

“hey you dyed your hair again.” you said to jeongin, carefully reaching your hand out to touch it

“uh yeah...do you like it?”

“i love it black baby,” taking his hand in yours you gave him a smile “you look really good.” 

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

[loversdomain]

its pretty good!! way better compared to my other job i had last year, i was a waitress/front of house staff in a hotel for minimum wage and it was a fancy one too see the customers were horrible and chefs creepy (creepy john is what i called the weirdest one) but the people who own it are actually nice which is a bonus!!!

yeah thats what im slightly worried about, originally i was gonna work tuesdays, fridays AND weekends but decided to not work fridays so that i could have alot least one entire free day in college. and tomorrow is gonna be great bc since my tutor period was cancelled bc of the fire i have 6 hours of free periods which ill use to do most of my work if not all!! bc i have work early on saturday and im going to see a taylor swift string quartet tribute so ill be getting home late since its far from me :)) but im excited nonetheless!!

OH MY GOD. right so i have this "friend" el, and she was one of my closest friends since abt 2019/2020?? she literally helped me out of one of the worst friend groups ive been in ever and introduced me to friends i still have today. like literally my bestfriend for years- then when the second quarantine hit and we were starting year 11 mocks, she got ill and missed alot of school and when she came back she started being quite distant with us. THEN its the last exam and me and the 3 other friends in the friend group (there was me, el, 2 other girls and one who was slowly joining our group) were going for a picnic- and she declined coming bc she was busy (we then saw her in morrisons afterwards bc she told a little fib) THEN over summer she doesnt talk to us once, deactivates the socials, unfriends us on EVERYTHING and leaves all the groupchats (even the inactive ones). so we're all confused (and i was upset and a little angry) abt why she'd drop us out of nowhere.

but a few months have gone by now and i get a notif from snapchat that someone in my contacts has recently joined snapchat... ITS EL. omg what is going on. so i still missed so i added her not expecting an add back but she did the other day. NOW this is embarassing for me bc its so annoying but basically we start talking abt school and whatever and she says she basically just stopped speaking to everyone from school except this one girl called abi (i sat there in shock bc ik u wont get it but it is just so random) but anyways idc happy for her (not really) BUT THEN she says "its crazy how much everything has changed" and i go "yeah omg ikr, like i missed talking to you"

this is my embarrassing downfall like wtf. you would think she'd reply (even if she didnt mean it) "yeah i missed speaking to you to!!". no. that is not what was said. INSTEAD SHE GOES "awwww thats so sweet!" i want to kms. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK 😭😭 this close to deleting the message, like that is so????

p.s !!!!! OH MY GOD MY MUM AND FAD CALLE FME AND MY SISTER TO THE LIVING ROOM AND WERE SEEING RUPAUL WERQ THE WORLD TPUR IN OVTOBER OMGGD (okay bye now)

omg u just posted omg omg omg ALSO I FINALLY GOT A JOB!!!!! WOOOOO!!!! okay okay im going to read it in a sec AH

AAAAAHHH!!! CONGRATS MJ!!! that’s amazing omg :’) gathering that your trial shift went well then??!!

[berryunho]

Ugh that’s how I felt about neuro. I wanted to take it so badly first year but it didn’t work with my schedule and now it’s offered online and it’s asynchronous which is a win-win!!! Manifesting the same for you <3

I hope it’s gonna work out. I’ve got a lab tmr morning (which i haven’t started the pre lab for yet…. but we don’t talk abt it) so hopefully the coordinator will be there and I can ask in person since it’s more authentic ???

LOL OMG that’s exactly how I feel and as soon as classes as over I’m going home like I don’t want to be there any longer. Although I hung out with someone who lives on res over the weekend and I got to appreciate campus at night which was so nice compared to the normal hustle and bustle during the day. Also it’s been getting cooler here too and while I appreciate it…. it just means that winter is coming and no pls

You’re such a saviour ugh all hail lauren 😭 i started on spectroscopy today and I was able to grasp it so far but we’ll see how long this lasts for LMAOO

RIGHT I feel so bad if I pull that excuse and it’ll prob come back and bite me in ass but yes there aren’t really any other excuses possible

I hope you had a good Monday!

-mightychondria

i find myself wishing i wasnt in such a credit heavy major like literally everyday ... my english major friends have THIRTY CREDITS for their degree and they can spend the other 90 however they want. i have SEVENTY-FOUR major credits and only 46 for fun. AKLDFJLASKJDFKLJ they could basically triple major if they wanted to meanwhile i could hardly fit a minor in if i wanted 😭😭 (... im trying for a korean language minor which... if i study abroad next semester... ill easily fulfill but if not. a minor definitely will not be happening)

shhhhh pre-lab on the day of is fine hehe but !! i hope everything went well!!!???

i swear after classes are done i dont want to do anything 😭 today it was 90/32 again and went i got home from chem lab i immediately took a shower bc i got SO nasty walking between my classes and home and uhghglksdkj its so gross BUT today was supposed to be the last hot day... the high tomorrow is 69/20 ... ill cry tears of joy if i wake up tomorrow and its actually that nice out i swear KFJSLKDJLKSAD omg but yes fr campus at night ... much calmer and so much more relaxing lol there's a silent library near-ish my dorm on like the fifth floor of some building and all the walls are glass and i loooooveeeee studying there at night

but ... ew ... spectroscopy ... not my fave 😭 are you doing H NMR or IR or MS or ... all 3 ... sick if its all 3 at once but that's how i learned so ... KFJ:LDKFJSLKDJ again the offer stands though bc i mostly understand them lol

hehe i had quite a good monday and tuesday and i hope you did as well !! almost half way done w the week !! :]]