#then they said i look 'neutral' now (i think they meant androgynous by that) but that others can probably tell i have female parts

[tkbrokkoli]

:v

[jadedxrealityw]

-Found You- Dean Thomas x Reader

☼-♥-☼

Kody: (SHORT STORY) using gender neutral pronouns for the first time with my first ever Dean Thomas reader, tell me what you think. Also made sure to include androgynous type clothes.

Movie/Show: Harry Potter

House/Year: Gryffindor, 7th year

Summary: after being abandoned by your friends in your first year of Hogwarts, you meet a weird lot of boys who fill the void the others had left, some more then others and when you almost kiss one of them, it becomes more then awkward.

Pronouns Used: They/Them

Possible Triggers/Warnings: suggestive flirting, gen z humor, cursing, the fluff, no voldy au, slight golden trio slander with redemption, reader staring off into space. 

☼-♥-☼

first year

the day you were placed in house Gryffindor you had become close to a few choice people, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter. Your four were as close as close could be in the beginning of your first year, playing pranks, studying in the common room. All of the things friends would do.

towards the end of the year you had caught them hanging out without you on mutiple occasions when they said they were all busy on other occasions. It didn’t bother you at first, thinking a was a one off- multiple one offs. Then it got a bit worse. 

study groups turned into you waiting for hours for them to show up, only for you to fall asleep on top of your textbooks waiting. Getting breakfast together now was just you sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table only for George Weasley to tell you they had already ate and left.

you weren’t stupid, you knew when you were being avoided. You also were never one for confrontation, so you made the executive decision to stop making an effort to hang out with any of them, just to see if they would and maybe everything you were thinking was just from your paranoia.

alas it was the end of the school year and you couldn’t do much hanging out with anyone since your mother was strict, only allowing friends to come over to your place, not the other way around. It was embarrassing at times, but you understood all her rules came from a place of love and experience.  

not that they had ever come over before, even for the winter holiday. Though you understood that as all of you went home to your families. (Yes, James and Lily are alive), but since you all had two months out of school, you figured there would be enough time to at least meet up once.

you had each of there mailing address’s and they had yours. It was the first ‘gift’ you had given to each other and at the time, you were excited to have them. Now when you looked at the the ripped piece of parchment, it’s mere existence mocked you.

as you predicted, nothing came. No letter from your so called ‘friends’ nothing at all. It was disheartening to say the least, but at the same time you saw it coming. The rest of those two months you spent with your mother, which was actually pretty nice. 

☼-♥-☼

second year

as you stepped off the train, the cold air of Hogsmeade Station hit your face, causing the hairs on your neck to stand up. You looked around, watching students as they walked with there friends or hugged them tightly. You’ll admit, it made your expression turn dark.

so you stood, just watching. As people passed, they gave you strange stares and made snide comments about how weird you looked, staring off into nothing. Most students had dispersed when your shoulder gets knocked, bringing you back into the moment. 

“Oh sorry!” you recognized the voice. Once your head turned your met with the familiar face of Neville Longbottom. “Oh Neville! Sorry was i in your way?” you quickly apologize, a sheepish smile on your face. Neville copies your smile, shaking his head “No, Seamus just shoved me too hard”

“Did not, your just weak“ Seamus argued, crossing his arms in a huff. You weren’t too familiar with Seamus Finnigan or the taller boy next to him, Dean Thomas. “Both of you, shut it“ Dean shook his head, a playful smile on his face as he pushed past the two boys to stand in front of you.

“You alright? You looked as if someone used body bind curse on you“ he jokes, a light laugh escaping his mouth. Oh jeez, how long have you stood there “Um- i was waiting for my friends, but i think they left me behind“ you confess, feeling more stupid then you already had been feeling. 

Dean didn’t skip a beat as he shrugs his shoulders “Forget them, walk with us” he offers. You were a bit taken aback as you didn’t know this fellow Gryffindor well and he already seemed so friendly towards you. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother?”

a laugh came from both Seamus and Dean while Neville chuckled nervously “Impossible, the only bother here is him. Now let’s go before we miss the boats” Dean points to Seamus, who’s expression drops “Your rude” he scoffs.

Dean smiles at him before using his hand to gesture to you to follow him as he led the small group through Hogsmeade. 

the entire walk was Dean and Seamus trying to tell embarrassing stories about each other to make the other seem better. Neville would tell you all about what he wanted to learn in Herbology this year.

after awhile they eventually asked you questions about yourself, like- your name and who had ditched you. They were surprised to find out that the golden trio had ditched you. Seamus on the other hand wasn’t, saying how “No one is really golden” 

☼-♥-☼

seventh year

fast forward to your final year at Hogwarts and you were still best friends with Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, and Dean Thomas. You all were no golden trio by any means, more like ‘Menaces To Society’ as Mcgonagall called you. 

 you weren’t a well behaved student to say the least. 

speaking of well behaved “Shut up, shut the hell up!” Seamus whisper shouts as points his wand at Neville who is looking into the dark “But this is such a bad idea!” he whines, rubbing his arm to create some warmth as the night was cold. 

“It’ll be fine, only if Dean hurries the hell up“ you say, placing a hand on Neville’s shoulder. He looks at you and nods once, shivering slightly. Smiling, you open the greenhouse door and peak your head inside “Dean, i’m getting frostbite out here!“ 

you watch as Dean’s head pops up from behind the large table, holding a potted mandrake “Oh i’m so sorry, but your not the one doing all the hard work!” he argues. You roll your eyes “You lost rock, paper, scissors. Maybe stop choosing paper dipshit”

Dean opens his mouth to say something back when you here Seamus groan loudly “Both of you can flirt later, hurry up! Filch will be back around in a few minutes” he snaps at both of you. Holding up a finger to Dean, signalling you could finish your argument in a second, you peak your head back out. 

“In what universe was that flirting, Finnigan?“ 

“You were flirting with your eyes“

“....right, anyway-“ you slowly turn your head back into the greenhouse as Dean walks out, holding two pots of mandrakes, young ones to be exact. “Alright let’s go“ he says. You jump up in your place and clap your hands together “Oh this is going to be beautiful“

“I just hope we don’t get in trouble like last time“ Neville shudders, following behind you all as you made your way through the grass. “Will be fine“ you wave your hand, standing beside Dean as he held the potted mandrakes. “Shit, these are heavy“ 

“divide and conquer“ Seamus suddenly says as he takes both of the mandrakes from Dean, tucking one under his arm and handing the other to Neville, who happily held it tightly between both of his hands. Dean smiles and stretches his arms, until he hears a pop noise in both. 

as you walked, a gust of wind hit all of you, making you shiver. Your dumbass shouldn’t have worn your pajamas out, which was only a black t-shirt with thin dark grey plaid pants. You had shoes on of course, you weren’t that stupid. “Told you to bring a jumper” Dean says in a sing song voice.

you turn your head to your side, scoffing “I’m not cold, i’m perfectly fine” you look him in the eye while he gives you a ‘really?’ look, which meant he knew you were lying. You hated that cute, dumb, knowing face. Without another word, you look forward once more. 

Dean moves closer to your side and wraps his arms around your shoulder, pulling you flush against him as you both walked quietly. You suddenly felt very warm, but most of that warmth came from your own face. “Better?” he whispers, his hand rubbing your arm. 

honestly, how did this tall freak not expect anyone to fall for him? For two years you have had a crush on Dean Thomas, but it seemed to always be platonic on his side. He was nice to everyone though, so it was hard to tell if there was any romantic intent behind his actions. 

“Much better“ 

“Hey! Who’s out they’re?! No students out pass curfew! You are in big trouble!“ looking ahead you see the familiar shape of Filch in the distance. The bright lantern covering his face, so you were sure he couldn’t see you all as well. “Scatter!“ you yell and in an instant you all pull away from each other. 

this isn’t the first time running into Filch, so you already knew what to do. All of you would run off separately until you couldn’t be seen and just apparate back into the common room. You had been doing it for years and were honest to Godric disappointed he hadn’t figured it out yet.

“Hey you get back here!“

as you pull away, you feel Dean’s hand travel down your arm until his fingers slide off yours. You would have loved to have bathed in that moment longer, but the fear of expulsion was too heavy on your mind at the moment. You spotted a pillar and ran for it. 

once safely behind said pillar, you pull your wand out that you had safely in your.....i don’t know and apparate away. 

☼-♥-☼

you stumble a bit as your transported into the Gryffindor common room, the calming sound of fire cracking on the wood in the fireplace. You were safe. Looking around the dark room, you don’t see Neville or Seamus, but you do see the back of Dean’s head as he’s sat on the sofa in front of the fire. 

your eyes narrow as you walk over to the sofa, placing your hands on his shoulders “Hey Y/n” he says, not even taking a glance as you as he chuckles to himself. “How did you know?- Nevermind, where’s Nev and Seamus?” you ask him.

“There setting up the mandrakes, remember?” he explains before reaching up to grab your hands with both of his, pulling them down so your forced into resting your chin against the top of the sofa. He released only one of your hands and brought the other to his mouth, placing a kiss on your palm.

what the fuck?- 

 “Also I've had your hands on me before, not hard to forget“ he explains. The way he said that made it sound so suggestive if anyone else had been in the room. You were also stunned by the fact he just kissed your hand. This was one of the moments you couldn’t tell if he was being friendly or not.

you could feel his eyes on you, practically burning holes into the side of your face, but you just didn’t have it in you to look at him. Heart racing and your stomach feeling lighter by the second, you felt utterly and completely swooned by the tall Gryffindor boy once again.

“Can you look at me?” you hear him ask, feeling his free hand gently force your face in his direction so your E/c eyes meet with his. “What?“ you ask, trying to mask the fact that you were putty in hands at the moment. Dean didn’t respond, only smile widely as his eyes flicker from your eyes to lips.

he couldn’t be asking to, ya know..right? Before you could question it further Dean began to lean in and you found yourself doing the same “We did it!- whoa, what’s going on here?” you almost snapped your spine at how hard you threw yourself back, moving a good five feet away.

“Nothing!“ you and Dean shout at the same time. Dean folded his arms over his chest, coughing awkwardly into his hand. You watch as Neville steps out from behind Seamus, who’s grin is wider then ever before. “As much as i want to indulge in whatever this is, we have to get to our dorms- like right now“

“What, why?“ you ask, giving him a questioning look. “Neville dropped his Gryffindor tie back at the greenhouse so Mcgonagall and Dumbledore are coming to inspect in the house to see if anyone’s awake“ Seamus sighs, walking forward. 

“Good thing it didn’t have my name on it or anything“ Neville smiles sadly before following Seamus to the hall where the dorms were at. “It’s alright Nev“ you send him a warm smile, trying to reassure him. You decided to follow them as well to the dorms “Y/n!“ you hear Dean call out.

thinking fast and stupid, you stretch your arms, letting out a fake yawn “Damn, i’m super tired. I’ll see you guys in the morning!” you push past both Seamus and Neville and speed walk down the hall. You made a beeline down to your dorm and almost ripped your dorm off of it’s hinges trying to open it

but once you do, you take a large step and shut the door behind you

what the fuck just happened?

that night you had laid in bed for almost an hour, thinking about your almost kiss with Dean Thomas. You felt shame, like you had someone forced this situation upon yourself. You liked Dean Thomas yes, but did you imagine that he was going in for a kiss?

eventually when your brain started to hurt too much, you fell asleep without any interruptions that night.

☼-♥-☼

you awoke to the sounds of awful birds chirping outside and roll onto your side, unfortunately though you were already on the edge of your bed and rolled right of the thing, collided with the hard wood floor that made up the ground of your dorm. You knew you should have gotten a damn carpet at that muggle store.

using your elbows, you prop yourself up and push yourself into the sitting position. What a glorious way to start the day you thought before standing on your two feet. Its saturday, which means you didn’t have to get too dressed up just to eat breakfast.

you yawn, not bothering to cover your mouth as you trudge slowly to your closet, swinging the door open. Taking into account that the weather had bit cold recently you pick out a multicolored jumper consisting of brown, beige’s, purple’s, dark blue’s, and whatnot. with a pair of brown overalls.

removing your clothes, you place them in a woven hamper next to the closet, you had taken a shower the previous night before going to bed, but you just ended up sneaking out. Eh- still counts. Once the clothes are on, you walk over to your dresser where your mirror was on the wall and looked in.

you looked tired and like someone who wanted to go back to bed, perfect. Reaching your hand up, you run your hand through your hair, untangling a few knots with your fingers before shaking your head, your hair now looking like in had been through a gust of wind.

also perfect

after that, you go over to the door slipping your shoes on with your feet before turning the knob and opening it. As soon as that wooden door unhinged you remember all the events from last night and internally cringed. God, today was going to be awkward as hell. 

stepping out, you shut the door behind you, not bothering to lock it as you never had a reason to before. Gryffindor house was pretty chill with privacy and whatnot, so you weren’t worried about people coming in and taking your things. 

☼-♥-☼

walking down the stairs to the dungeons, you had a gleeful smile on your face. See, the whole reason you stole mandrakes is because you currently were in a prank war with the Slytherin house, or to be more specific Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson. 

Draco said he could pull better pranks, you said otherwise and that’s pretty much how it started. It had been going on for a few weeks and the mandrakes were your big finale since you knew that ferret couldn’t do anything better. “Oh shit, Theo!” you heard as you took the final step.

you could hear screeching for a few moments before its quickly shut up. Speeding up, you turn the corner to see a group of Slytherins surrounding four passed out students, one of those students being Theodore Nott. “How did mandrakes get all the way down here?” Pansy crossed her arms.

“I don’t-“ Draco spoke, his head turning to spot you with a shit eating grin on “Nevermind“ he exhales before standing up straight and walking over to you “L/n“ he greets, a deadpan expression on his face while you look like you’ve won the lottery. 

“Malfoy, i see you got my gift“

“Oh yeah, my friend Theo was just blown away“ he said, rolling his eyes which only makes you feel more victorious. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. It was meant for you” you smile innocently at him. He lets out a bitter chuckle before extending his hand out to you “You win L/n”

you gladly take his hand into yours and shake it “pleasure doing business with you, Malfoy” you say. Draco crack a smile, shaking your hand for a second before then letting go “Surprised to see Thomas isn’t following you, he usually is” he points out.

and there goes a reminder. Your expression visibly dropped “That’s- well, complicated at the moment” your reply spiked Draco’s interest as he leans against the wall “Do tell“ he gestures with his hand to continue. You eye him up and down, your nose cringing.

“Since when did you care about my life?“ you asked, the question sounding a bit harsher then you intended it too. Draco only shrugs “I’m bored, humor me L/n“ you chuckle at his words and shrugged as well. No harm in telling him anything. 

☼-♥-☼

“Wow“ Draco breathed, his grey eyes slightly widened as you finished retelling the embarrassing events of last night “And you just ran off? Don’t think that was a good idea” he adds, turning his head to face you as you both leaned on the wall.

you exhale, a solemn look on your face “I know, i’m just not good with confrontation. I curl up into a ball and clam up, like i can’t speak” you explain. Draco nods along, listening to what you had to say “He’s your best friend, been your best friend for years. Talk to him, avoiding it will make it worst”

“Wow, that actually was helpful. You’ve surprised me Malfoy”  you give hi a mock astonished look, making him roll his eyes. “Yeah whatever, now go away. I have to help them carry Theo back into the common room“ he pushed off the wall, standing straight.

“Tell Theo i’m sorry when he wakes up“ you turn on your heels and begin to walk down the stone hall, taking in a deep breath. Everything was going to be fine, no worries. Nothing at all.

☼-♥-☼

your first thought was to check the courtyard, it’s where you, Blaise, Neville, and Seamus hung out between classes. It was a good place to start. Stepping outside, you feel the gentle cold breeze nip your face causing a light shiver to run up your spine.

wrapping your arms around yourself you walk along the grass until you spot the familiar tree you all sat under. It instantly brought you back to the first time you had sat under it.

--

second year

“Found you“

your head snaps to your left where the voice came from. Dean, out of breath and wiping sweat from his forehead. You looked confused as he took a step towards you “You were looking for me?” you asked, head tilting ever so slightly to the side. 

Dean looks at you like you had just asked a silly question, chuckling “Of course, you seemed upset a lunch as well so i wanted to check up on you” he said, taking a seat next to you in the grass. You avoided looking at him by pulling out blades of grass and ripping them apart.

after an awkward amount of time of silence, mostly on your part, Dean reach for the grass next to your hands and began to pull it out of the earth as well “What’re you doing?” you ask, still looking at the ground. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. We can just sit here if that makes you feel better too”

weirdly enough, it did. Just having him sit there made your bad day feel slightly better. You couldn’t explain it, but his presence alone was comforting and made you feel more at ease. “If that’s what you want of course” he adds, his pinky extending out to tap your hand, just light enough not to make you tense.

you couldn’t bring yourself to respond verbally and nodded a few times. You hear Dean hum as he continues to copy what your doing. You both sat in silence and stayed there for an hour or so, just soaking up each others company. 

that was the moment you knew Dean Thomas was a true friend

--

“Y/n!“ you hear a shout, bringing you out of your wholesome memory and back to reality. Seamus and Neville were running up to you with confused looks on there faces “What?“ you say, meeting them halfway. As soon as you were grabbing distance, Seamus places his hands on your shoulders and shakes you

“What are you doing here!?“ he shouts while you feel as if your brain is about to knock off of its stem and kill you “What’re you talking about? and stop shaking me!“ you yank his hands off of you. Seamus rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath like he’s about to talk a lot, and talk a lot he did. 

“So after your almost kiss with Dean he told us by the way, he wanted to talk to you so we told him you’d most likely be in the dungeons giving Malfoy a tongue lashing“ Seamus explained before gasping for air. Neville puts a hand on his mate’s shoulder “He kind of thinks you don’t like him. Never seen him so upset before“

processing on the information you were just given, you thank the both of them and run back into the building. This school was huge, no wonder you didn’t run into Dean on the way back or even see him once. Nonetheless, you were determined to find him.

(Filled with determination- get it? Undertale reference)

☼-♥-☼

it took you a good ten to fifteen minutes to get back to the dungeons. You walked fast paced against the cobble ground until you reached the Slytherin portrait. There stood the familiar faces of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson. They noticed you instantly giving you a confused look.

“Your boyfriend is looking for you“ Pansy snickered, clearly amused by something. You let of a sigh, a hand running through your hair “Yeah i know, do you know where he went?“ you asked, already tired of walking around this shit school. 

just kidding, Dumbledore if you could here there thoughts, they’re kidding 

“We told him you were going to potions“ Draco said which floored you because why in Godric’s name would he say that. The Slytherin boy seemed to catch your confusion and gave you a ‘are you dumb?’ look. “Yesterday, in class, you offered to help Snape organize the stockroom?”

oh shit

you let out what can only be described as a sound of frustration as you realized you were going to be murdered by Snape before you could ever find Dean. You wished that you could apparate, but it was against school rules to apparate inside the school, aka as soon as you would do it, it would teleport you to Dumbledore’s office instead. 

funny enough you could apparate from outside to inside the school with zero repercussions. The rule was ancient and so was Dumbledore, you had a feeling it wouldn’t change in your life time. “Right, thanks. I have to go” you say and give them a lazy wave. 

“Go get your man Y/n! Then tell me all about it!“ you heard Pansy shout as you walk away. 

☼-♥-☼

twelve minutes to get to potions. As soon as you pushed open the door you let the string of apologies fly “I’m so sorry Professor Snape, i completely forgot about helping out- Today has been super stressful and-” you were cut off by Snape himself. 

“Silence, your....friend already told me all about your little issue as much as i didn’t want to hear it. Your free to deal with your teenage drama as long as it’s away from my classroom” he lifts his hand up, gesturing for you to go away like he requested. 

he was surprisingly understanding, which was weird

“Oh um- Thank you, professor. May i ask where Dean said he was off to?“ You asked, fully knowing you might be pushing your luck and his sudden kindness. Snape sighs, dramatically you’d like to add “He didn’t say or he did and i didn’t care enough to listen“

“Right uh, thank you anyway. Goodbye Professor“ you laugh nervously. That quick kindness had run out. Snape only grumbles and you take that moment to walk out the classroom, feeling that little bubble of stress you usually got from talking to Snape fade away.

taking a few steps back you look at the potions door, god you’ve hated that class since first year. Potions were never your strong suit, you were more into astronomy or herbology. Snape never made it any better with his attitude,but he had always been like that.

fifth year was probably the worse

--

fifth year

it was the beginning of your fifth year and one of your earlier classes was potions. What a dreadful way to start the morning. Today you were instructed to brew a draught of peace, which was currently bringing you anything but peace at the moment.

you just couldn’t understand the instructions. Like at all. It was supposed to be a turquoise blue color when finished, but kept turning a dark purple instead. You only had about half an hour to get it right or you were going to fail your first potions lesson for the year.

at one point you got so frustrated, you slammed the ladle on the table but it was already pretty noisy, so no one really turned there head at the noise. “Someone’s cranky” you heard a snicker beside you, which you knew well enough to know it belonged to Dean Thomas.

“Try frustrated, i have to be the dumbest wizard in the entire wizarding world to not get this“ you sigh, crossing your arms as you stare at the dark purple liquid, the mere sight of it mocked your livelihood. Dean shook his head, stifling some laughter as he grabbed the handles of your cauldron.

“You continue to pout while i go dump this”

pout? you weren’t pouting. You rolled your eyes as he comes back, placing the cauldron back down onto your work space “Alright so you added all the ingredients right, but your stirring it to much and the wrong way“ he spoke as he added all the ingredients back in.

once he tilts the mortar and pestle, pouring the crushed unicorn hair into the liquid he smiles warmly “Alright now grab the ladle” he instructs and you, begrudgingly do so. Dean nods and moves to step behind you. As you go to turn around Dean places his hands on your arms, keeping them in place.

you tense almost instantly as his hands travel down your clothed arms until they rest on your own hands. He’s literally pressed against you, not rough or anything like that though. His head moved off to the side a bit “You stir like this” he begins to move your hand with his in the correct motion.

 you honestly didn’t know how to feel.

as he slowly stirred the magical liquid he says something else to you “It’s okay to get frustrated, it’s also okay to ask for help. I’m here if you need me Y/n” he spoke and let go for hand, which suddenly felt a whole lot colder then it did a second ago.

Dean returns back to your side and smiles proudly once he looks into the cauldron “See, easy” he says. You pull out the ladle and look in to see that beautiful turquoise color you had waited to see the entire class period. Thank Godric, actually thank Dean. Speaking of that.

“Thanks Dean, i was about ready to pull out my hair“ you joke, placing your hands on the table. Dean chuckles and places on of his hands on top of yours. You tensed again, feeling light and warm as the pad of his thumb rubs the skin of your hand. “Like i said, i’m here for you, in any and every way possible“

his words made you feel even lighter if that was possible as you tried to contain a bright smile

that was the moment you knew you liked Dean Thomas

--

you sigh, pulling yourself out of your happy memory. How were you going to find Dean?

☼-♥-☼

late evening 

after leaving Snape’s class you, funny enough, kept running into Seamus and Neville who kept pointing you into different directions or places. You were quite literally running around the school like a lunatic. Your current location was the library and library you went. 

since you were absolutely terrified of Madam Pince, you made sure you cautiously open the door as you walk in as well as closing it. Looking around, you don’t see any familiar faces which had you already feeling doubtful, but you still had to look behind the tall bookshelves. 

you decided to take the left side first and begin to walk through the middle isle with haste as you look around. No, nope, nothing, and disappointed. Jumping off the astronomy tower looked appealing at the moment. Alright, other side. You walked with the same fast pace, checking behind each shelf. 

after about four rows, you come face to face with a freckled boy, causing you to jump back “Godric” you put your hand over your heart like an old man about to have a heart attack. “Ron, your ugly face is scaring students” you heard a male voice say.

wait, did he just say Ron?

you take a few steps back, yeah that was them. You first friends at Hogwarts. You saw them almost every week, but haven’t talked to them since your first year at Hogwarts. This was gonna be awkward, you could already tell. “Sorry ‘bout him, I’m Harry and these are my friends Hermione and Ron”

Ron steps back to stand next to Hermione. They all looked at you like your a new person they have never met before. You honestly didn’t know how to react. On one hand, it was kind of funny they didn’t recognize you. On the other hand, it felt kinda shitty.

you force out a bitter laugh, shaking your head “I- I’m floored that you don’t remember me and as funny as it is, i’m looking for someone” you say, about to excuse yourself from this mind numbing situation. “Wait! We know you?” Hermione cuts in, raising her hand a bit.

exhaling, you nod “It’s me. Y/n, Y/n L/n” you introduce yourself, like all those years ago. Watching there eyes widen one by one almost made you laugh “Oh my, Y/n. It’s been so long” Hermione smiles nervously. As evil as it was, you were kind of enjoying the awkwardness.

“Yeah it has, lovely to see you lot. Lets get together next decade where you can forget me all over again“ you had to admit, it was kind of mean but you were busy at the moment. “Wait Y/n, can we talk?“ Harry steps towards you, a look of shame on his face. Good.

did you really want to hear some shitty apology? You didn’t want them or blame them either. You were eleven year olds and children loose friends all the time. There wasn’t any deeper meaning, at least to you there wasn’t, but some part of you wanted to know why? Why were you abandoned?

“I have a lot going on right now, so make it quick Potter“

Harry smiles as he gestures for you to sit down at the table they were currently residing in. You follow him and take the seat across from the other three. Hermione, Ron, and Harry all sit down, looking as nervous and anxious as ever while you were tapping your foot against the ground, impatiently.

“We wanted to say we were sorry, for how we treated you in first year“ Harry starts, the other two nodding along. “Can i get a reason? If you didn’t want to be my friend you could of just told me. Instead you left me alone“ you fold your arms over your chest, already wanting this to be over with. 

“You changed“ Hermione said. You expression shifted to confusion, scoffing “I changed? How?“ you asked. Godric it was a bad idea to listen to these guys. “You started hanging out with Malfoy, he turned you into some kind of menace. All you two did was pull tricks on each other back and forth“

okay so maybe this wasn’t the first prank war you’ve had with Malfoy

and it wont be the last either

“Seriously, you dropped me because i hung out with Draco? Yeah he’s a bit of an asshole, but he’s just all bark no bite“ you shrug your shoulders, maybe you were bias since you guys had been ‘friends’ for awhile now if you could call each other that.

“He’s a Slytherin“ Ron chimes in, looking as if he’s disgusted to say the word. “Ron” Harry warned, whacking his friends arm. Oh you were so not doing this house variably bullshit. Okay, maybe you had a ‘house prank war’ but that was all in good fun.

“I’m done here, i think i dodged a bullet with avoiding you guys all these years“ pushing off of your chair, you stand up ready to leave. Harry stands up the second you do “Sorry about them and they both can have there own opinions, but i know what we did was wrong and i just wanted to say i’m sorry“

looking at Harry, you could tell he was being genuine. Well at least one of them was. “Thanks Potter, now i have to go find someone” you try to make your escape again when you hear footsteps behind you. Stopping you see Harry at your side “Yes?”

“Who’re you looking for, maybe I've seen them?“ He offers. You assumed he was trying to be helpful as an apology. “Dean Thomas, know him?“ you ask, watching as his eyebrows furrow “Yeah but haven’t seen him- wait, it’s curfew in twenty minutes“

“Yeah, so?“

“He’s a Gryffindor, which means he’s heading back to the common room right this moment“ Harry points out, a light smile on his face. Your eyes widen and you throw your arms around the boy. You feel Harry tense, but still wrap his arms around you “Your a genius Potter“

“It’s common sense?“ he looks confused as you pull away from him. You tell him goodbye and that you two could catch up on a later date. 

☼-♥-☼

you push through students on the staircase who were trying to the Gryffindor common room as well. Once you make it to the top, a student in front of you whispers the password “Dilligrout” the portrait opened and a wave of students filed in. 

someone shoulder checked you when you made it in yourself, but you were to preoccupied with finding your friend? Crush? Person you had a crush on...yeah that works. All the students who came in had immediately filed down the hall to go to the dorms. 

silence took over and once again you were in a empty room, your shoulder dropping a bit “Found you” that familiar voice breathed out. You spin on your feet to see Dean Thomas leaning against the wall, huffing as he reached to wiped sweat that had gathered on his forehead. 

“You were looking for me?” you quipped back, obviously joking. Dean seems to catch on rather quickly and flashes a grin “Of course, you seemed upset after last night” he tells you, your expression dropping at the mention of the night before. He notices.

stepping forward, he takes your hand in his, gently leading you to the sofa. That cursed sofa. Once you both take a seat Dean clears his throat, his hand still intertwined with yours “How’re you feeling?” he asked, a worry glint in his eyes. Of course that’s the first question he asked. 

“Nervous, anxious, something like that, but also scared“ you admit, while your free hand scratches the side of your neck. “What would you have to scared off?“ Dean had a sympathetic smile on his face, one that you had seen many times before.

you chuckle, thinking that what you were going to say had been the most obvious thing in the world. “That your going to stop being my friend because we almost kissed?” you said, but it sounded more like a question instead of a statement. 

a, what you would call dramatic sigh escapes Dean’s mouth “I’m the one who initiated the kiss Y/n. I wanted it because i hoped you wanted the same thing, you do, right?” his voice wavers a bit, his confidence dropping with every word. 

“Yes, i have for a long time” you confess. Dean’s smile was a mile long as he lifts your hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your knuckles “I wish we told each other this last night instead on running around to find each other all day” you both laugh at the situation.

“Yeah, now that i think about it. I could of sent you a howler” you say, exhaling loudly. How come you didn’t think of that sooner “Yeah, i guess we both didn’t think much” Dean then scoots closer to you on the sofa, his hand still holding your gently. 

not having the courage to speak, you simply sit there as Dean lets go of your hand and cups your face instead. Your breath hitched as you feel his thumbs moving up and down each temple on the side of your head. He still had that dopey smile on his face too.

after what feels like forever, Dean closes the gap between you both, kissing you softly. His head tilts to the left as he continues to kiss you. You swore you could feel everything in you become as light as a feather. Kissing Dean Thomas was something else.

a couple more seconds pass by before he pulls away, a smug grin gracing his face “can we take this to my dorm? We’ve gathered an audience” his eyes glanced to the right of you. Turning your head in his hands, you see Neville and Seamus

“Do you all mind?“

“No, keep going“ Seamus waved with his hand, smiling at you both. Dean rolls his eyes as he stands up from the couch, grabbing your hand to drag you along with him. “We’re so happy it worked out“ Neville had a gleeful look on his face as Dean dragged you past them.

“Try to keep things quiet in there lovebirds!“ Seamus calls out as you and Dean walk down the hall. You scoff, shaking your head. Seamus was something else. Once you both reach Dean’s door, he opens it, allowing you to step inside “No promises!“ he yells before stepping inside himself and shutting it.

covering your mouth, you laugh into the back of your hand until what he said registers in your mind “Wait what?”

☼-♥-☼

Kody- It’s been a hot minute ngl. Um- i’m trying to find a regular schedule update every month, but honestly something called sleep and depression has been kicking my ass. Hope you enjoy this fic..requests are open. Anyways, peace. 

☼-♥-☼

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@high-ashell-hargrove @dracosathenaeum @queeriacs @andineverwould

[expiredfairydust]

best friends ~ bubblegum rock/kazuleon || ft. nb gay! kaz || pt. 2

//tw: self hatred, kinda internalised homophobia, uncensored F slur bcoz the author can reclaim it//

a loud gasp forced the two to pull away from their kiss quickly, both of them quickly moving to look in the direction of where the noise had come from.

kazuichi went red due to embarrassment, noticing the unmistakable blonde hair of miss sonia darting away.

she had poked her head around the door to souda’s room - they never locked it in case leon wanted to come and cuddle - meaning to ask the pinkette if they’d been given any homework as she had been in first aid for most of the day before, unaware of what was happening between the mechanic and their crush.

and now she was running off, trying to give the pair privacy. souda, panicking because their illusion of heterosexuality was likely being broken, ran after her, calling “miss s-sonia! wait!! i-i swear it’s not what it looks like i’m s-sorry miss sonia you’re the only one i love i swear!!” they were crying for real now at the realisation that they had just ruined the one thing that was theirs.

the blonde suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned back to kazuichi. her face had an odd expression that kazuichi couldn’t read.

she put a hand over the mechanic’s mouth. “you do not understand souda, i do not care about you and kuwata’s relationship! in fact, i am glad because now you can leave me and miss fukawa to our relationship in peace - i was and still am rather disgusted at your lack of knowledge on personal boundaries but now i do not have to worry about that because you have no reason to!” she spoke slightly forcefully without meaning to. when she was done, she took her hand away and started walking off again.

“miss sonia!! i-i-i-“ kazuichi couldn’t gather their words, thousands of thoughts racing through their head. “we’re not dating... it was.. it was only a kiss....” they would mumble, more tears streaming down their face with every word. “i-it was all my fault anyways... i-i.. i was.. i was the one who kissed him and it was so so stupid of me because he’s the only person i have left and now he probably hates me for- for-“

their voice cracked and they couldn’t go on speaking, their legs giving way underneath them. “for being such a disgusting fucking faggot!! and-and-and i don’t blame him because i hate myself too!!” they were practically shouting now. “but dammit i love him so fucking much! so much, it hurts! god it feels like my heart is being ripped apart and i can’t fix it and i don’t know what to do and i hate that! and even if i could ever tell him properly i just know he’d hate me because who could ever like such a pathetic little FAG”

they didn’t know why they were telling all of this to miss sonia, maybe it was because they didn’t want her to think leon’s standards were so low as to date them. maybe they just needed to let everything out, needed to rant. because the moment they opened their mouth the words seemed to vomit out.

and once they were done ranting they ran off to the loos so they could actually vomit, as they often did out of distress. they ran to the far away disabled loos, on the opposite end of campus - they were the only public gender neutral loos on campus - so they wouldn’t have to face leon again, who they assumed was still in their room.

key word: assumed.

because leon had actually heard every word, only a few paces behind kazuichi during their confession. he had ran to try and take the mechanic in his arms, to say that it was okay because he loved them that way back. he had ran, just as kazuichi ran off.

meanwhile the princess was just happily beaming to herself, knowing that leon heard every word. she had successfully wingwomanned for the creep and the punk! it was a double win, as leon tended to flirt with touko as well as kazuichi’s horrible attempts to look straight by chasing after miss sonia herself. she made her way to her girlfriend’s dorm to tell her all about what she did.

leon’s thoughts were racing, as he tried to figure out what was even happening. kaz was in love with him... kazzy loved him back... but they thought that kiss was all their fault? as if leon hadn’t chosen to kiss them too? and now they thought he hated them? why? why would he kiss them if he hated them? god kazuichi was a dumb bitch at the best of times...

leon couldn’t help but smile through his tears, which he hadn’t noticed either.

kazuichi really loved him back..!

him!

but they thought leon felt the opposite...

right...

well, leon would just have to change that, he decided as he started looking for his best friend. he knew the mechanic got physically unwell when they were unwell, so he’d just have to check all the loos until he found the right one!

except kazuichi was nonbinary and relatively androgynous, so the baseball star had no clue which loos they’d be in, and he couldn’t exactly barge into the women’s loos checking to find his friend.

so, that meant he’d have to find ibuki, who had joined his band, and ask nya to check the girls’ loos while he checked the men’s and disabled loos. nya was also non binary, but at least she passed as a girl enough to enter the women’s loos.

it wasn’t hard, seeing as the noise they made made all over on the other side of the campus-

(conveniently close to one of the only gender neutral loos on campus)

-was loud enough to be heard in another country. leon was regretting leaving his ear plugs in kaz’s dorm, as he plugged his ears with his fingers and ran towards the sound.

“IBUKI!!!!” he yelled once he was in the practice room mioda was in.

“WHAT?!?”

“WHAT???”

“WHAT?!”

this was going to be tedious, leon thought, as he moved towards where everything was plugged in and unplugged the speakers.

ah, silence,,, at least it would’ve been if mioda wasn’t screeching at leon for what he did. “jesus christ calm down ibuki! i need you for something important” leon hissed, ibuki going completely quiet at the word “important” - void loved being helpful!

the bubbly musician sped off to search once leon explained what he needed. knowing nya, she’d probably check all the men’s loos too, void didn’t seem to get what made people so iffy about not sharing a bathroom with different genders.

but with that, leon got to looking too. and it wasn’t long before he heard the sound of sobbing in the disabled loos, accompanied by the sound of vomiting. well, there’s kaz...

he knocked on the door “kazzy?” he tentatively spoke. there was the click of the door being unlocked for leon to enter. he soon dropped to the floor, next to the pinkette, pulling them into his lap and holding them tightly. “shshshhh... i’m here kazzy...” the ginger would whisper sweetly into souda’s ear.

he held the younger student’s hair back as they puked again. “now how about you tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours?” he whispered, despite knowing already. he wanted kazuichi to say it again. to him, not to miss sonia.

but kaz didn’t want to talk. “it’s stupid” they said, snuggling against leon.

“if it’s stupid why don’t you say it?”

“coz you’ll hate me even more than you do for kissing you” their words were hard to understand through their tears.

“what makes you think i hate you? if i hated you, would i be here with you now? c’mon how about you wash your mouth out? all that puking must have left a horrible taste” leon spoke with a gentle tone, which was unlike him but comforting to the sobbing boy in his lap.

once almost all traces of puke had been ridden from the mechanic’s mouth, leon sat them on his lap again, holding them tightly. “how about you tell me what’s wrong now, eh kazzy?” he said sweetly, wiping his best friend’s tear stained cheeks with his sleeve.

“promise you won’t hate me?”

“pinky promise”

the pinkette drew a deep breath, getting ready to speak. then shook their head. “i-i can’t”

a realisation dawned upon leon then. this was his chance to reveal his own secret! “i’ll tell you something about me that i’ve been hiding if that would make you feel any better” a slow nod gave him the ok to speak.

“i’m intersex. when i was born the doctors told my mom and dad and they were.. well, i don’t know how they felt but i was forced into an opporation to make me “fully” male as a baby and all my life i’ve had to take medication to keep my hormones at a “normal male” level, which is odd coz i was never actually told that’s what it was for until recently” the ginger spoke, resting his head on kazuichi’s shoulder

“but, i want to stop taking my meds, i don’t want to be 100% a boy, and that decision kinda scares me in case people won’t accept it. in case you don’t accept it” he added after hesitating. “now do you wanna talk about your problem?” he wanted to change the subject.

kaz had gone quiet. then, after a few seconds they said. “it sounds silly now that you’ve told me how serious yours is... but- but-“ they paused to figure out the words they wanted to say. “i-i- i’m so sorry for kissing you! i had no right to do it and i-i- i didn’t even take the time to ask you if you wanted a kiss and- and- and- i’m so sorry i know you hate me for it and i don’t blame you because i totally deserve it” the words seemed to fall out quicker than kazuichi could think of them

“and i know you probably never want to see me again but if you could ever forgive me i’d really appreciate it because you’re the only friend i’ve got and i love you dude!” as those words came out, the pink haired mechanic started tearing up again. “i-i love you... i love you so much it hurts and i don’t know what i’d ever do without you but i totally understand if you hate me because how could you ever love someone who’s such a disgusting f-“

their words were cut off by leon kissing the shorter mechanic. it was a brief kiss, even shorter than their first, but the pure, raw emotion behind it was clear. love. reciprocated love.

“if i thought you were disgusting, why would i choose to kiss you twice? because now you know it sure as hell weren’t just you who wanted that first kiss” leon said simply, wiping the shorter guy’s tears away. “but i don’t still want to be friends,” he said, suddenly going cold, making the pinkette’s face drop. “i want to be boyfriends!” he said, making kazuichi start laughing with relief.

just as they were about to share another kiss, in barged mioda, yelling about how nya had found the pink haired mechanic, then once void noticed the ginger sat next to them and started yelling about how unfair it was that she had been looking all over for kazuichi for leon when the ginger was probably with them the whole time.

the couple smiled and sheepishly promised to make it up to the ultimate musician. the end.

[touch-starved-bullshit]

How I learned about the LGBT community

Believe it or not, I didn’t even know what the lgbtq community was until junior high. Like I didn’t know that girls can date girls or guys can date guys. I remember one day I was like ‘what you can do that?? Dope.’ Or something along those lines.

At that point I was like okay so what am I? I like both right? I was looking online (and through tumblr of course) and I was like oh am I Bi? Maybe? And it actually turns out I’m Pan. Wanna know how I fuckin found out? So there I was, watching a video trying to explain the plot of homestuck, and then it calls trolls ‘an alien race who are all pansexual.’ And it explains that pansexual means that you can experience romantic attraction regardless of sex or gender. I was like whoa whoa whoa back it up. Then I’m like yes! That’s the bitch!

So yea pansexual. And that’s still true UwU. But now, on the topic of gender identity, I didn’t know what a transgender person was until like 10th grade(?) and I was like what. I met a transgender girl and she hung out in my friend group at the time. I only saw her for a year and then she graduated but holy shit.

I went into some research about transgender people but a f t e r. After I met her. And it was a mistake not to do it sooner. Okay so. The group that we hung out with was the gay group basically. But I realized it was the toxic gay group and it was no fuckin wonder why people didn’t fuckin like us and we were all leaving the group. The “leader” of the group kept calling our trans friend “he”. And I didn’t see anything wrong with it because I didn’t know what the fuck a gender identity was and I kept fucking misgendering her and it pisses me off.

Obviously I left that group. The final straw was that I realized that group was toxic was when the leader fuckin said “Yea I don’t know where [deadname] is or whatever the fuck he calls himself now.” At the time I was uncomfortable and just left. I wasn’t pissed at the time because I didn’t really understand what it meant to be misgendered or dead named but now, I fucking do and I wish I could apologize to that friend who I wish I knew her name.

So yea I think that was also the reason our other friend left. He realized he was trans as well and since he knew how the leader of that group felt towards our other friend, he just dipped. I’m pretty sure his name is Tony(?) Shout out to that guy. Haven’t talked since we got new friends.

Flash forward to likeeee month 8(?) of quarantine. Since high school, I’ve done a lot of research on the community and am in a friend group where all of us are lgbt in some way. So I’m on Pinterest, looking at tumblr posts (I know, lame) and I just dive into a rabbit hole of lgbt shit and I learn another thing that I felt like I should’ve learned a while ago-considering who I hang out with: Pronouns.

Like I already knew that transgender people change their pronouns, obviously. But then I saw that people go by like they/them, or xe/xim(?) I’m like OwO what’s this? I don’t think I ever really learned about gender identities past transgender. So I’m like let’s research.

I eventually realize I’m nonbinary. And well. It explains things. Like how I always hated the color pink growing up but eventually realized it was okay cuz boys wear it too. Or how I hated my given name and tried to shorten it. Orrrr when choosing a username it’s usually something that’s not associated with a specific gender. Or how whenever I made OC’s based off of me, I would make them look androgynous and give them a gender neutral name. Just yea. Things added up. Now I use they/them. Oh! And I have a new name I’m trying out! It’s Jay! It’s sounds gender neutral right? Now if I only looked more androgynous... *cries in nonbinary*

But yea, realizing I’m not cis, I feel bad about some shit. Like the fact that I laughed at those dumb “there are only two gender” jokes to fit in. Ughhh I hate that shit. And I hate that my ex fucking made those jokes- which is a pretty fuckin valid reason to dump him. And he ALWAYS CALLED ME STRAIGHT. I HATE THAT SHIT. he was always like “oh you only dated two guys, that means you’re straight.” At the time, I would just awkwardly nod and change the topic. But now. I SEE THAT I SHOULDVE FUCKIN KICKED HIS ASS. HONESTLY HE SAID SO MUCH SHIT AGAINST THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY THAT PISSED ME OFF. The fucking toxic people I used to hang out with are just w a c k. Yeet me into nonexistence.

I feel like there was supposed to be a point to this rant, but I’m tired and need to sleep. Goodnight to the 5 people who will read this😘😘😘 have a lovely night/day/afternoon💜💜💜

[mischiefandspirits]

Doppelgänger (7/?)

Previously on Doppelgänger ~ Masterlist ~ Next time on Doppelgänger

Danny, Sam, and Tucker were just 14 when they took a look inside the portal Danny’s parents had built. From there, everything changed. They woke up with white hair, green skin, and powers they could learn to control. They were hybrids, halfas.

They were the hero Doppelgänger.

{Public Enemies, Part 2}

“Okay, listen up!” Dash’s voice said and Danny followed it to a science lab. He peeked inside to see a bunch of students and school faculty watching as Dash continued, “Is everybody clear with the plan?”

“Yes, yes, it should all go down tomorrow after the town meeting,” Paulina said.

“Meeting?” Danny transformed then stepped in. “What town meeting?”

The group all turned to him with frowns.

Suddenly the door slammed behind him and he turned to see Kwan glaring at him.

“I’ve seen this one hanging around the girl. They’re dating.”

“Girl? Dating?”

Dash grabbed him, then Dash was falling to the ground and a white ghost was holding him.

“Walker!” Danny said without thinking.

“Oh, you know me?” the warden asked, leaning closer with a smirk. “You might just be the most useful one yet.”

“Useful?” Danny looked over the ghost’s shoulder and blanched as he saw the horde smirking at him with glowing eyes. “Oh no, you do not want to overshadow me, trust me. The last guy who did that did not enjoy it anywhere near as much as he thought he would.”

“We’ll see about that,” Walker said and dove into him before he could react.

A presence, pushing, pressing, trying to force him out. Out. OUT! GET OUT!

Danny snapped back into reality to find himself kneeling on the ground. He looked up and was relieved to see it was Walker sitting in front of him instead of himself. “Ha! Poindexter is better at possession than you!”

“How?” the warden growled, looking up.

“Dude, my family’s been ghost hunters for centuries. You think we haven’t built up an immunity to possession?” he lied.

Although, he supposed it might not be a lie. They didn’t know for sure why possession didn’t work right on Danny since neither Sam nor Tucker had been overshadowed before. His dad had managed to throw off Vlad for a short time though so maybe there was something in the Fenton genes.

Oh well, something to consider another time. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Danny ducked under Kwan’s grab and rushed out the door. He heard the overshadowed people take chase and let a little ghost strength and speed slip through. He glanced over his shoulder and grabbed a pistol out of the fold when he was sure no one was looking. Kwan had said girl, so they thought Sam was Doppelgänger. The longer they thought that, the longer the trio could use it to their advantage.

Danny hissed as something slammed him into the lockers.

Though, if it came down to giving up the ghost or dying, Danny’d transform.

He shot Lancer with the gun, knocking him out the window. He flinched as he took off running again, hoping his teacher couldn’t feel that.

“Gotta get away long enough to disappear.”

Ishiyama and Paulina dropped down in front of him and he fired on instinct. Paulina dodged, but the principal went flying.

“You can't get away from me!” the popular girl growled and Danny was hit by both her fist and the irony.

“Wow. I waited all of puberty for a girl to say that to me and now it's a complete bummer,” he groaned, rolling away from her grab and rubbing his jaw.

She snarled and made another grab, only for a blast of pink to throw her back.

Suddenly a hand was pulling Danny to his feet and dragging him down the hall. “Let’s go, before more of them come.”

Danny’s eyes widened as he realized Valerie had just come to his rescue. Where was this helpful attitude when you were trying to blow me out of the sky last week?

“Watch out!” Danny jerked them to a stop just in time to miss a grab from his history teacher, who flew past them and out a window as a result.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Thank you. I don’t think I would have lasted this long on my own,” he shot back as they both fired on the science teacher. “Nice gear, looks familiar,” he added as he saw the gun she was holding.

It was exactly the same as his, but with pink detailing.

“Nice aim. I didn’t think you were into this stuff,” she said as they ran down the stairs.

Danny shrugged and ducked a grab from Dash. “I’m not obsessed like my parents, but you can’t exactly live with them without knowing at least a little about how to fight a ghost.”

The two made it out of the school and Valerie summoned her board. “Get on. I can take you to your house.”

“Thanks, Valerie.” He climbed on and knelt down so he could watch their back.

The board jolted. “What? Who’s Valerie.”

Oops. “I-I just meant…” He glanced up and sighed. “You do realize you don’t change your voice at all in the suit, right?”

She cursed and dove around a cheerleader Danny didn’t recognize.

“It’s fine, I won’t tell anyone. I mean, Sam and Tucker already know, but they won’t tell anyone either. Promise.”

“Thanks.”

“You wouldn’t mind telling me where you got all this stuff, would you? Some of it looks like Fenton tech,” Danny said, shooting Dash out of the sky.

“It’s not stolen.”

“Didn’t say it was. My parents do sell their stuff. I just didn’t think anyone in town bought it before today.”

“I have a benefactor. They’re worried about the ghosts.”

“I mean entirely no offense given the circumstances, but they thought a teenager was the person for the job?”

“I didn’t ask, for obvious reasons.”

“That’s fair.”

“What were you doing in the school anyways? I thought everyone had evacuated.”

“I did too. That’s why I thought it was safe to go grab something I’d forgotten in my locker.”

“Clearly you were wrong.”

“Clearly,” Danny snorted and used a lull in attacks to pull out his phone. He texted Jazz, telling her to turn on the ghost shield. “The ghosts were using the school as a gathering point. Apparently they’re planning to do something at a town meeting tomorrow. I overheard them plotting, hence the trying to kill me thing.”

“Noted. I bet that ghost kid is part of this.”

“You mean Doppelgänger?”

“Doppelgänger?”

“White hair, green skin, androgynous?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, that’s Doppelgänger. They’re the one the ghosts are after. Not sure how they think trashing the town and overshadowing half the school is supposed to help.”

“Why are they looking for him?”

“Them. Androgynous, remember.” The trio had decided to just use gender-neutral pronouns for all their sakes. “And no clue.”

Valerie turned a corner, then slowed down at the sight of the shield.

“It’s fine, it will only stop ghosts.”

She nodded and flew through.

Once they landed, Danny turned to her with a smile. “Thanks again.”

He couldn’t see her face through the mask, but he could hear a smile in her voice. “No problem. Try to be more careful.”

“You too. And hey, if you need any help with your gear, just ask. I know my way around quite a bit of it thanks to my parents.” It’d also give him and his partners an idea of her arsenal.

“I might take you up on that. You’re… not so bad, Fenton.”

He smirked. “You’re not so bad yourself, Gray.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “You could use some work on your form. If-if you want, we can train together sometime. I have a black belt, so I could teach you a few things. I mean, unless you think your girlfriend would object. I don’t want to cause trouble.”

Danny groaned. “Sam and I are queerplatonic. Same with Tucker. No romance involved.”

“Oh, cool.”

Danny blinked. Did she sound… happier?

“So, training?”

“Uh, sure.” It would make Jazz stop bugging him about spending more time away from his partners. And he’d get to see what Valerie was capable of while learning new fighting techniques. “I mean, yeah, that sounds great. Thanks, Valerie.”

They swapped phone numbers and agreed to meet up Sunday afternoon as long as the ghosts didn’t cause a problem.

“Why did you want the ghost shield on?” Jazz asked when he came in.

“Ghosts were chasing me.”

“You okay?” Jazz said, looking him over.

“Fine. I need to call Sam and Tucker.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ghost kid!”

The trio froze and turned as Valerie flew towards them. Sam and Tucker got into defensive positions, but Danny tugged them back. “What do you want? You here to blame us too?”

“For once, no. I know the mayor’s overshadowed. I ran into a pack of overshadowed people last night saving someone so I was looking for the signs. I also found out they’re here for you. So spill. What’d you do to tick them all off?”

Danny scrunched down slightly as his partners went through his memories of the night before. He hadn’t actually told them about his meetup with Valerie.

We’re talking about this later. “Their leader, Walker, runs a jail in the Ghost Zone.”

“Are you a fugitive?” Her hand twitched towards her gun.

“Only because anything and everything is illegal in Walker’s book. The zone’s laws only apply lair to lair from what we’ve been told. Walker just likes to enforce his own laws on the entirety of the zone because all he cares about is locking people up. He’s a menace. We were locked up for duplicating. That’s pretty much our thing! And we were in someone’s private lair. He literally wrote a rule against duplication into his book right in front of us as we were being arrested for it! He didn’t have any right to lock us up! So yeah, we broke out. Now he’s turning the town against us as punishment or something.”

She looked between them.

“Look,” they said as Danny floated closer, hands up in a sign of goodwill. “You don’t have to believe us, but will you at least help us free the people they’ve overshadowed and get them back to the zone.”

“Fine. I’ll agree to a truce, for now.” She crossed her arms and looked them over again. “You know, the talking together thing is really creepy.”

They shrugged. “We can’t help it. We’ve tried.”

“Do you have to be split up?”

“We’re stronger this way, and there’s a lot of ghosts. Three’s better than one.”

“That’s true. So what’s your plan?”

“We can get the ghosts out of people by pulling them out or using a low energy blast.”

“You want to fire on random people and hope they’re overshadowed,” she deadpanned.

The three shared a look. “She’s got a point. It’s faster that way though and a blast like that wouldn’t hurt anyone. We’re trying to convince them we’re here to help. We don’t think they’d see it that way if we’re attacking people.” They turned back to Valerie. “We can get the ghosts out by pulling them out of people.”

She pointed between them. “Did you just have a fight with yourself?”

“Ever hear of talking aloud to work through a problem?” Danny elbowed Sam. “Can your suit detect people who are overshadowed? Human bodies block our ghost sense.”

“I don’t know. I can try when we get to the town hall.”

“Alright, so we’ll work on getting the ghosts out, and then you can knock them down. Agreed?”

“Fine. Just know, as soon as this is over I’m knocking you down too.”

They nodded and the four shot towards the town hall.

Danny grabbed Valerie and phased her through the ceiling so they could hover over the crowd invisibly.

“Order! Order!” the mayor was yelling and everyone quieted down. “All in favor of declaring martial law, and allowing the completely competent Jack Fenton to mobilize a massive ghost hunt, please say-”

“We… might be too young to vote, but we’re casting one anyway!” they said as Sam turned visible.

The crowd panicked.

“You people have to listen to us. We’re on your side.”

“You're not fooling anybody, ghost kid! You are going down!” Danny’s dad yelled, brandishing the still tangled fisher. “As soon as I untangle this thing!”

“I’ve got the mayor on my scanner, but I’m having problems scanning the crowd,” Valerie said.

“The Fentons?”

“No, they’re clean.”

“That’s bad.”

“Why?”

“Maddie Fenton’s a good shot.”

Sam dropped to the ground as Danny’s mom fired at her. A moment later the ghost girl was dragged through the floor.

The three followed to see the horde from before all standing over Sam, with the mayor leading the charge.

“Walker! I should've guessed you'd end up in the guy that makes the rules!”

“Shouldn't you be running?”

Sam looked up as Danny, Tucker, and Valerie turned visible. “Shouldn't you?”

Danny passed Valerie his thermos then the trio launched themselves at the ghosts. Knocking them free with punches and blasts while Valerie vacuumed them up.

Then Danny’s mom was there.

“I’ve got her,” Valerie said, tossing Tucker the thermos and intercepting the woman before she could blast one of the trio.

“Ghost!” she said, pointing the bazooka at her.

“Human,” Valerie countered, removing her glove to show her human skin. “A hunter, like you. Name’s… Red Huntress. The ghost kid’s working for me, for now. The mayor and a few others are overshadowed.”

“Ghosts can’t be trusted,” Maddie argued.

“I don’t trust them, but I’m willing to use them until we can solve the invasion.”

The woman hummed and looked to where the trio were freeing their classmates. “I don’t like it, but I see your point. You’re certain the mayor’s overshadowed?”

“Saw it for myself. He’s the leader and he’s got a grudge against Doppelgänger. The ghost kid. That’s why he was trying to get you and your husband to lead the charge against them specifically.”

Maddie nodded. “I don’t have anything on me to deal with possession.”

“Neither do I. That’s why I’m using them.”

Maddie considered her arsenal. “I’ll be back.”

She ran upstairs and grabbed Fenton Zapper. She was about to run back down when the mayor appeared, hauling the ghost kid with him.

“Let us go!”

“Not a chance.” He forced the kid’s arm around his shoulders then threw the front doors open. As Maddie ran closer, she heard him quietly say, “I’m making sure your prison is the town where you live.”

She aimed.

“Help. He-”

She fired and a large white ghost was knocked out of the mayor.

The ghost kid caught the mayor and lowered him to the ground carefully.

“You okay, Mayor Montez?” she asked as she ran up to their side.

“What happened?” he said, looking around.

“You were overshadowed by him,” she said, gesturing to the angry ghost floating in front of the town hall. She glanced at the ghost kid, who held up his -- her? -- hands and smiled awkwardly. “We’re just… going to go fight Walker now if that’s okay Mrs. Fenton.”

She glared at… them and turned to the white ghost, drawing the bazooka and firing.

“Or you can do that. That works too,” they said as the ghost disappeared into the mini-portal.

She turned back to find the ghost kid gone.

“Mrs. Fenton! Mrs. Fenton!” some reporters rushed up to her, waving cameras and microphones. “What just happened? Was the ghost kid really kidnapping the mayor?”

“Mayor Montez was possessed -- or overshadowed -- by a ghost attempting to frame the ghost kid for reasons we don’t yet know.”

She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Red Huntress leading out a group of people.

“They’re all free, but the ghost kid took off while my back was turned,” she said, voice annoyed.

Maddie nodded and turned back to the reporters. “It seems we were wrong to think the ghost kid was leading the invasion, but they're still dangerous and we don’t know why they are here.”

“He saved me!” one of the teens shouted, flipping her hair over her shoulder and beaming as the cameras turned to her. “He’s totally a hero!”

“Yeah, she was awesome!” a blonde teen in a letterman’s jacket said as an Asian teen nodded along behind him. “You should have seen her blasting the ghosts out of us!

"It was like something out of a superhero movie! Awesome!”

Maddie tried to interject, but a few more teens joined in and the reporters turned all their focus on interviewing the victims.

“This won’t end well,” Red Huntress huffed and jumped into the air so a hoverboard could form underneath her. “It was cool working with you, Mrs. Fenton.”

“You as well.”

Valerie only made it out of sight of the town hall before she was stopped. Her hand settled on her pistol, but didn’t draw it. “You’re an idiot for sticking around.”

The ghost kid shrugged and rubbed their neck. “We just wanted to thank you for giving us a chance. And to apologize for what happened with your dad. We really are sorry we couldn’t stop Cujo before he reached the lab.”

“I thought the dog wasn’t yours.”

“He isn’t, technically, but someone has to keep him out of trouble and clearly no one else is going to do it so we kind of took him in after what happened to your dad. He’s actually really sweet when he’s not upset about being put down and losing his favorite toy.”

“Sure,” she said sarcastically. “Look, this was a one-time thing, understand. I just needed your help. I still don’t trust you.”

“We’ll just have to change your mind then.” They gave her a salute then disappeared.

She could have followed them with a scanner, but she let them get away. This time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam and Tucker were scowling when Danny met back up with them in Sam’s room. Head ducked, he landed and transformed. “So…”

“What were you thinking?” the two said.

“You know what I was thinking,” he sighed, dropping into a bat-shaped bean bag chair.

“She’s trying to kill us,” Sam growled.

“Exactly. If we can get her to realize we’re not the bad guys then that’s one less person after us.”

“It’s dangerous, dude,” Tucker said.

“I’ll be careful.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” Sam crossed her arms and stood over him. “Just remember you’re not the only one at risk here.”

“I know.” He stood up and hugged her. “Like I said, I’ll be careful.”

[ripleys-read-it-or-not]

This is who i am?

I think it’s really important for everyone to examine their gender and what their relationship with gender is. I saw a post somewhere recently, which I’m sure many people have also seen, which said something along the lines of “if you examine your gender, and come out as cis, you have levelled up.” It really think that is a great way to look at it. If you consider gender and how you view it, and then come to the conclusion that you are a cisgender individual, that means you now have thought and intention behind your gender, rather than just accepting the gender you were assigned. If we could normalize this, then that would be a huge step toward being more accepting and understanding as a society. 

So anyways, I started to examine my gender. I was assigned female at brith, and never really overtly questioned it or felt any major dysphoria about it. This is how I worded it to a friend of mine, who is nonbinary. It was a pretty offhand comment on my part - in that I didn’t plan my words, I just said what came out. When I said that, my friend looked at me and said something that a little bit rocked my world. 

They said: “Those are some pretty telling qualifiers there. If you never OVERTLY questioned and never had any MAJOR dysphoria, that sounds to me like ‘I questioned it a bit’ and ‘I had some dysphoria.’”

I was a smidge shook. They were totally right. When I said that I never overtly questioned my gender, what I meant was that I accepted it as being mostly correct. And when I said I never had any major dysphoria, what I meant was that I felt pretty at home in my body, but that I wasn’t always comfortable in how I was viewed as a result of it.

What I really meant - although I didn’t quite realize it when I said it - was that I didn’t feel quite like a girl/woman, but I was more than willing to accept it as ‘close enough.’ I knew that some days I definitely felt too masculine to be a woman, but I felt certain that I wasn’t a man. I also didn’t feel androgynous enough to be nonbinary, so I was just like alright, I’m a woman. 

Then I learned about being demigender. Then I realized that nonbinary people don’t owe the world androgyny or neutrality. So now I am reevaluating. 

I currently think of myself as a dmigirl, or maybe as like... semi-binary. I say semi-binary because I am still just not sure if i’ve felt the same amount of dysphoria that nonbinary people do, and I don’t know if I am a right fit for the label of nonbinary. But I don’t think I’ve finished evaluating and discovering my relationship with gender yet. 

So i guess this is to be continued...

[enbycalicocat]

Day 5: 31st of January, 2021

.

A few days ago, my psychologist posed a question that turned my life upside down. And when I said upside down, I really meant it. Sleep had eluded me for the last week. My head was full of only that one question, the words resounding over and over again, like bells tolling.

 "Are you going to keep your name? Or do you want to change it?"

 Never in my life had I thought about changing my name. Not once. So, my psychologist's words took me by complete surprise.

 "Change my name? Why? For what?"

 "What do you mean why?" The woman had asked me, as surprised as me. Suddenly, she seemed to understand something and she became uncomfortable. "Well, Lindsey, many people in your situation, most of them in fact, change their names."

 'People in your situation.'

Just like her, I understood all at once.

 And it was true, a lot of transgender people decided to change their names when they started to transition. But I hadn't thought about that. In fact, I didn't want another name. I was very sure.

 "Lindsey," the woman in front of me said, "Your life, your feelings, your thoughts, do not need to be like everyone else's. You are your own person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Do not think you have to change your name. Just consider it as a type of healthy self-examination. Something to get to know yourself better and nothing else."

 I didn't think there was anything healthy in the way I had been thinking about her question, though.

 "Lin!" James' voice rang loudly, almost right next to my ear.

 My body jerked involuntarily and I turned to look at him with wide eyes. My boyfriend's face crumpled like paper and my heart gave a painful pang.

 Girl, could I have made it any more obvious that I hadn't been paying attention to him for the last god-knew-how-many hours?

 "I'm sorry," I said immediately, my face crumpling right along with his. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Really. There's no excuse. I should be listening to you. I'm the worst."

 James sighed wearily and shook his head.

"Lin, baby, just tell me what's going on with you. Please. You're killing me here."

 Looking away guiltily told James exactly what I'd been thinking about, no need for words.

 "The name thing? Still? Lin, why is this eating you up so much!"

 "Because I don't know what to do." The whine in my voice was childish and silly but I didn't care. I was sick and tired of thinking about the name thing too!

 "Okay. You know what. Let's go over this. Together. Let's debate and discuss and talk and put it out in the freaking air because I don't want it to rot in your head and rot your brain along the way."

 A small smile made the corners of my lips lift a bit but then it was gone. He was trying to lighten up the atmosphere. It didn't work at all, though. Still, I gave him A+ for effort.

 "Let's see. Do you want to change your name?"

 "I don't know." The whine was back and there was nothing I could do to avoid it.

 "Alright..." James said as he thought. "Do you like your name?"

 "I love it. You know this. I have always adored it to bits and pieces."

 "Yeah, baby, I know, but I wanted you to say it again." James gave me an encouraging smile, as if we were making progress. I couldn't see any though. "Why do you think other trans people change their names?"

 That question took me by surprise as I wasn't expecting it. We were talking about me, why did he suddenly want to discuss other people? However, instead of saying anything, I considered what he'd said. If James was bringing it up, there was a reason

 "Well..." I mused. "Maybe because of their past? Because they want to separate their lives? I mean, if they had a very hard time while living under their old name, even more if it didn't align with the gender they identify with, they would change it when they transitioned. That was their old life. This was their new life. Each marked with a name. And that's not even considering the possibility that their parents, the ones that chose their original name, might not support them or they don't accept them. So, that name carries a lot of memories and emotions, and if they're not the type of emotions they want in this new beginning, it makes sense to shed it."

 "Those are very good points." James mused, watching me with shiny, happy eyes. It made my heart skip a beat. Why was he looking at me like that? "Do you feel like that? Do you feel like your name is carrying a lot of emotions you don't want to take onto this next chapter of your life?"

 Through my mind flashed many different images and scenes.

The first time I finally found the courage to go out in a dress, with make-up, and a wig. That time I presented myself as Lindsey. It was also the first time I ever dated, kissed and had sex with someone as me. The me that's a girl.

Moving out of my parents house to a new city. I had lived in the dorms and entered into university, as a girl. The administration knew of me and my case, and were not against keeping my indentified gender from my parents. I had gone to class, made friends, talked to teachers, handed in projects and essays, all as Lindsey.

That photography class in which I met James. With me as Lindsey we'd fallen in love, graduated, found steady jobs, bought a house together and adopted a little kitten.

Lastly, that Thanksgiving, when I told my parents that I didn't identify as a boy, and then presented them my girl 'side'. They had been silent the whole while. And when they saw me dressed with a wig, girl clothes, and heels and the way I walked, my mother started crying. At the time I thought I would be rejected, insulted, humiliated, that my parents wouldn't love me anymore. But then my mother asked me why I had taken so long to tell them. My father looked me in the eyes with unspilled tears and asked if I didn't trust them. Turns out that when they saw me, the way I carried myself, and my change in behavior, it had become glaringly obvious to them that I'd been a girl for many years already, and hadn't said anything. They never noticed a single thing, never suspected, never knew, until that day. In the conversations that day, although there were a lot of changes and things they had to adapt to, there had been no mention of names, I had stayed as Lindsey.

 "My name," I began after a long time of silence, "carries a lot of good memories. A lot of love and support and care and courage. I want those emotions in my new life."

 James gave me a fond smile this time and I felt my chest get warm. Why was he looking at me like that? I hadn't done anything for him to look that proud.

 "That's really good to know." James' voice was so soft right then. And I knew, that he was really happy with me right now. "Now, let's use our imagination. You ready?"

 "Yeah," I said with a smile because his happiness was really contagious.

 "So, suppose you have to change your name. Like, there's no choice. You're forced to pick a new name with which to live from now on. What would you pick?"

 When I heard that question, I began to sense where this whole conversation was going. But it was all still very blurry. So, I decided to keep on playing along with my boyfriend.

 "If I were forced to pick a name," I began, thinking out loud, "I would like something that's androgynous, a name that isn't necessarily identified with one or another particular gender. Like Taylor. But Taylor is a friend from work, and also we share some common friends, and it would be really confusing to have two Taylors suddenly, one a transgender man and the other a transgender woman. So, I wouldn't pick that one.

"Also, I want something that sounds elegant. Maybe Robin? But Robin is Batman's sidekick, and even though you're gorgeous, you're no Batman, honey. And I would only ever be your sidekick. Any other case I would damn well be the hero and protagonist."

 James laughed and watched me, his eyes still shiny, his smile still so soft, so tender. I arrogantly thought that he was falling in love with me, all over again.

 "So, something elegant," I went on, because looking at James was getting me side tracked and this was a very important topic. I wanted to sleep peacefully again, thank you very much! "Maybe Sam? No. I don't like it that much. Let me keep on thinking. You know what we really need right now? We should grab a phone and look up a list of gender neutral names!"

 "That would be cheating." James was laughing all over again, his heart not just on his sleeve, but on his face, on a silver platter lying right in front of him, offered for me to take and cherish and love. It was a good thing I did all that already. "You have to think of a name on your own."

 "You, mister, are absolutely no fun at all! I'm sure when the FBI has to reassign their victims to a new state and life and job, and those people have to choose a new name, they go to..."

 A name rang in my head. All of a sudden. Like lightning.

 "Tallas!" I cried excitedly. "That's the name I would choose! I read a book with a character named like that once. It was so good! And I adored the name ever since I saw it. The way it's written seemed beautiful to me, and the pronunciation as well. Ah, but it's not as good as Lindsey, though. But it would do. I wouldn't feel discontent at all if I had to change my name for Tallas."

 James laughed out loud. A big belly laugh. He had tears in his eyes and everything. I just sort of chuckled because his laugh was very contagious, but I was very confused.

 "What? What did I say?"

 "Baby." James took a deep breath and tried his hardest to reign in his laughter. "Will any name be as good as Lindsey for you?"

 Ah, that was easy to answer. No need to think.

 "No. I love my name. No name will ever compare, and I will probably never like it as much. In fact, I would be kind of sad to let it go if I were forced to change names."

 "Then you have your answer." James gave me that absolutely smitten and whipped look again and finally kissed me.

 I was dumbfounded at first, but then I retraced the whole conversation, everything I'd said, and the answer was obvious to me too. My lips split into a radiant smile and I threw myself into James' arms, as happy chuckles and giggles burbled out of me. He was right, I had my answer.

.

.

Prompt: 5. If you could pick another name, what would it be and why?

.

Previous Day Next Day

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[incomplete-nano-stash]

Mneme the Forgetter Chapter 1

              Footfalls. Breathing. The only sounds coming to the young man’s ears as he frantically rushed through the brush back to the village were the sounds of his own body in panic mode. He crashed through bushes and trees, barely cognizant of the brightly lit sky, the moon hanging high overhead.

              Run, boy, or you are finished. The one thought pouring through his mind. Run. Survive.

              The dense forest began to lighten, the surest sign that he was approaching the village he called home. Desperate to reach safety, he clung to his satchel, the one thing the beasts had been after, with the passion of a drowning man thrown a rope. His breathing became ragged and quicker as he saw familiar buildings … a smithy here, a residence there … the market roundel where the crop workers brought their harvests …

              Where would be safe to hide? Who would hide him?

              His senses suddenly became aware of another sound invading his personal space, the loud roar of creatures pursuing him, dragging themselves and each other to push their party faster to catch up. The young man caught a glimpse behind him, catching a quick count of his assailants.

              Fifteen. Heavily armed, and all greedy and wanting what he had.

  ��           He stumbled, regained his footing, and ran into the closest building, the village inn. Rumor was that zomroll bandits would not go inside human-made constructs. Right now, he prayed that rumor was true.

              “Alec! Boy, you know the rules!”

              The innkeeper’s booming voice echoed above the din of the assembled crowd within the inn’s modest pub. Slamming down a pint tumbler on the bar, he scowled at the young man.

              “Sorry, Theric, but it’s an emergency, and I need to get away.”

              Theric, slapping his bar towel over his shoulder, crossed his arms suspiciously. “Sure. So was the last time, when you said you got chased by wolves. I’m not buying it. Are any of you?”

              Laughter, derisive and biting, chimed from around the room. Alec was keenly aware of his reputation in the place, knew that it would take a lot of talk, a lot of convincing, to prove his case. His eyes scanned the occupants of the place … many of them were field hands, all of them locals, all of them knew him and wanted nothing to do with him.

              Wait, there was one figure that he did not recognize. A slumped figure at the bar, fully cloaked, the only visible part of their body being a single, gloved hand which kept motioning for drinks. Occasionally a silver lock of hair dropped from the cloak’s hood.

              Theric quickly passed his eyes between Alec and the stranger, then back to Alec. “No. Don’t even think about it.” He leaned closer to the younger man. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to generate foreign custom in these parts? I’ll not have you chasing my first out-of-town guest in five years away over your blasted issues.”

              Alec swallowed. He looked over the stranger carefully. The shape under the cloak was slightly slender, but seemed too muscular to be someone not wearing some sort of armor. A long lump along the figure’s spine seemed to confirm it for the man. This person could help him. He shrugged off Theric’s warning and made his way over to the stranger.

              “Alec, what wild stories are you telling today?” A mocking voice bellowed from the back of the room. “Dragons? Orcs? Fairies?” More roaring laughter.

              Alec slowly made his way to the shrouded figure’s position, taking the stool next to the mystery individual. He faced the bar, trying not to seem conspicuous, in case the person wouldn’t …

              “Seems that the custom here has an issue with you and your actions in the past.”

              The enigma’s words interrupted Alec’s train of thought. He jumped slightly at the sound. The mystery figure had an androgynous, neutral voice.

              “They don’t understand me. I am pursued by many of the creatures that inhabit this world, and for no reason I can calculate I am meant to be their prey.”

              The figure nodded their hooded head slowly. A gloved hand raised. Alec, this close, could see the glove was ringed with plate armor: a gauntlet. “Publican, more mead. And one for my companion here.”

              Theric grumbled, but dutifully poured two tumblers of mead, bringing them over to Alec and the mysterious figure. As he set them down, he leaned close to the enigma. “Are you sure about this, my friend? Alec is a well known liar in this town, he makes up stories and sets up panics left and right.”

              The gloved hand dismissively waved Theric away. He glared more daggers at Alec … a dirty look that clearly said “don’t bother the clientele” in non-verbal terms … and returned to cleaning up the opposite end of the bar.

              “You entered the inn with great urgency,” the enigma continued, catching Alec’s attention again. “Like you were being pursued.”

              “Yes.”

              “Could you tell who was pursuing you?”

              Alec sighed. “You won’t believe me even if I tell you the honest truth.”

              The enigma chuckled. “Try me.”

              Alec cast worried looks around the rest of the room, at the disapproving looks of the other occupants. None of them gave Alec as much as the time of day any other time in the village, and those that did bother would only give it if it meant they could accompany the information with a clap to the back of Alec’s head. Many felt he was touched, not right mentally. A few questioned his family.

              The young man bore up his fears, took a deep breath, and responded. “Zomrolls. A bandit party of fifteen.”

              The room’s temperature seemed to chill as soon as the words left his mouth. Alec watched the enigma’s shoulders jump upward. The figure raised up from their slouched posture, taking up their mead tumbler and chugging down the contents in a single swallow. The empty vessel clattered to the bar’s surface, and the figure reached their gauntleted hands up to drop their hood.

              She, Alec decided. Definitely she. The stranger’s eyes focused on Alec with fiery intensity. “Fifteen, you say?”

              Alec nodded, suddenly struck mute by the woman’s intensity. He picked up his mead tumbler and shakily took a sip to calm his nervousness.

              “Very well. You have my sword. We will discuss payment later.” The woman dropped four coins on the bar counter, as Alec finished his mead. “Publican, a little extra for your trouble.”

              She stood up, having struck the entire room silent with the revelation of herself. She turned toward the assembled group of rowdies.

              “Good villagers, I understand the problem you have had in the past with this young man … what is your name, boy?”

              Alec cleared his throat. “It’s Aleciares, but most folks here call me Alec.”

              She nodded. “Alec it is, then. I intend to investigate young Alec’s claim of trouble, and if it is proven to be false I shall be dealing with him post haste. If it is proven to be true, however …” Her eyes narrowed and grew more intense. “If his claim is proven true, then all here had better beg his forgiveness, or I shall be hearing of it.”

              The collected men in the room looked around at each other, confused. One finally chimed up. “Milady, what puts you in position to back up a bold claim like that?”

              She had heard this all her life, it seemed. She pulled the cloak behind her and drew her sword. “I am the slayer Mneme, bane of dragonkind and destroyer of zomrolls. I will come to this man’s aid, for if he speaks truth then your village is soon to be under assault by the zomroll hordes, and may your gods be merciful if that should come to pass.” She motioned toward Alec. “Come, boy, take me to the trouble.”

              Mneme strode confidently through the crowd in the inn, many of whom had forgotten about their drinks on the tables, simply to watch her move through their midst. She sheathed her sword on the move and, after making sure Alec was following her, pushed the door of the inn open and walked into the darkness.

              They walked quietly through the streets of the village until they reached the outskirts, where buildings became sparse, before the silence was broken. Mneme turned around to her new companion. “Where were they?”

              Alec was startled by the woman speaking to him, lifting his face up to hers. “Oh … yes, they were here, they chased me to this point at least. I saw them following me.”

              Mneme cleared her throat. “Why were they following you, anyway?”

              Alec clutched his satchel closer. “Well, to tell the truth I’m not sure why. I have been foraging all day, there’s really no reason for it.”

              Mneme looked back at the village, then back at Alec. “Foraging? You live in a village, why do you need to forage?”

              Alec shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’m not the most rowdy and social person in town.” He sighed deeply. “I don’t have a field position, I don’t have an establishment in town.”

              “No income, eh?” The woman sighed. “That explains some things.” She turned her attention back to the thick woods.

              “I do odd jobs around town, and I’m generally just the kid people call when they need someone to abuse.” Alec sighed. “It’s my lot, that’s all.”

              Mneme’s eyes focused intently. She motioned quickly behind her to quiet Alec down, crouching lower to the ground. Her eyes narrowed, her hand went quietly and smoothly to her weapon. In the distance, a clatter arose, making the woman prick up her ears gently.

              “Is it …?”

              “Shh!” She planted her hand on Alec’s mouth. The commotion approached faster, the sounds of marching boots and battle cries. Mneme growled. “I hate barbarians, and I hate zomrolls more.” She ground her teeth, unsheathing her sword and coming out of concealment. Alec stood behind her, approaching slowly as she rose to her full height.

              The zomrolls, for their part, finally noticed the woman standing up to them. The largest one, clearly the leader of the party, brandished a battle axe and hunched in a threatening pose. He stepped forward and bellowed at Mneme with a scratchy voice. “Woman, you better run if you know what’s good for you!”

              Mneme growled. “This village is out of bounds to you and your party.” She assumed a two-hander posture, raising her sword. “Approach at your own peril. Turn back or die.”

              The leader’s eyes took on a yellow glow, illuminating the sickly skin of his party, peeling and sallow and rotting. His voice took an even more hellish timbre as he responded. “Woman doesn’t know when to run. Time to die!” He raised his axe and broke into a run toward Mneme, the rest of the party on his heels.

              Mneme raised an alarming cry, raising her own sword and rushing toward the fight. The clash of the two weapons reverberated around the field, loud as a thunderclap.

              The commotion roused some of the people of the village, one of which approached Alec. “What’s going on, boy?”

              Alec turned and pointed toward the battle. The villagers assembling around him turned their attention toward the fight, as Mneme launched herself deep into the party of zomrolls. Weapons clanged, their reports filling the air with the symphony of violence. Soon the screams started.

              Screams from the zomrolls.

              Mneme was oddly quiet as her sword started cutting through one zomroll after another, as their limbs flew away from the battle site, separated from their original hosts by the woman’s sword. The zomrolls were nowhere near as quiet, emitting howls of anguish as the woman cut through them with little resistance. Blood flew into the night air, the scent becoming heavier the more damage the zomrolls took.

              Finally, the only remaining adversary was the leader, cowering at Mneme’s feet. He had no hands, having lost them far earlier in the fight. “Mercy, great warrior, please!”

              Mneme glared at the leader, taking in his pathetic display, his kneeling and prostration before her. She crouched down to his eye level, narrowing her own eyes at him. In the moonlight, they seemed to take on a glow of their own.

              “No.” The whispered word hit the zomroll like a gunshot, quickly followed by the woman’s sword running through his skull, pinning him to the ground until his body stopped thrashing. When she was satisfied with her work, Mneme withdrew the sword, wiping it gently on the zomroll’s tunic before returning it to her scabbard. She stood completely upright, turning back toward where Alec had been waiting for her.

              Alec now had a large crowd of villagers surrounding him, watching the action along with him. Consternation flashed on every face as the woman approached, breathing deeply to relieve herself from the tension of the fight. The glow in her eyes subsided, her breathing deepened, and she slowly approached the assembly.

              “They will not be a bother to you any more. To be safe, though, I would recommend taking two of their heads and piking them at the entrances to your village, just to keep others away.” Mneme approached Alec. “Thank you for alerting me to their presence, boy.”

              Alec swallowed hard, nodding in acknowledgment. Behind him, though, Theric scowled. “He got lucky, that’s all. I swear, boy, if this had been any other time and another of your stunts …”

              “But it wasn’t, right?” Alec challenged Theric directly. “The danger was real, and it’s lucky for us Lady Mneme was here to …”

              “Yeah, lucky.” Theric narrowed his eyes at the woman. “Why are you passing through here, warrior? This is a peaceful village, we have no need for this kind of trouble …”

              “This trouble came to you. I am hunting it.” Mneme’s calm, neutral voice belied the violence she had been participating in just minutes before. “Perish the thought that those zomrolls were allowed free rein in your village, there wouldn’t be a village left in that case.”

              Theric grumbled. He turned his back on both Mneme and Alec. “I think it’s best that you leave by morning, milady. Our village does not need your brand of trouble here.” He began walking back into the main part of the village, with several of the other villagers following him. The crowd dwindled until simply Alec and Mneme stood at the scene.

              Mneme looked over at the lone young man. “And you? Are you going with your village?”

              Alec sighed sadly. “It’s not my village. Not anymore.” He turned back toward the woman. “Let me come with you, Lady Mneme. I can make myself useful to you, I swear.”

              Mneme sighed, picking up her cloak and wrapping it around her shoulders once again. “I’m afraid that the life I lead is not one for men such as yourself. I would be upset if you were to come to harm at my aid.”

              Alec scoffed gently. “And the way the village treats me doesn’t cause me harm? I’m the village bastard, how much worse can being with you be?”

              Mneme shook her head. “I’m afraid my answer is still no.” She placed a hand gently on his shoulder. “Thank you for your assistance tonight, my friend, but I must ask that our affiliation end here and now. At morning’s light I will be gone.”

              Alec let out a sad sigh, nodding. “As you wish, Lady Mneme. You have my thanks.”

              Mneme gave an encouraging squeeze and what looked like the beginning of a smile to the young man before making her way back toward the village inn. Alec took a deep breath, looking back toward the moonlit battlefield, where the dead zomrolls remained piled where they had dropped.

              “There must be a way.” Alec steeled himself for the gruesome task ahead, and marched over to the pile of zomrolls.

[portable-wing-wang]

Gender, Sexuality & Me

Right, here goes.

I've never properly talked about my gender or sexuality on here and feel as if I need to clear things up for friends, family and even myself.

Of course I'm very gender positive, I think everyone should explore themselves thoroughly in order to better understand their place in this world. What I experience will be different from other people and I may even disagree with others who share my experience as everyone is different. Just good to clear the air before we continue.

My name is Will(iam) Kirton. I was born at 1:04 AM on the 10th of April 2000. I was born with male attributes and was such designated a "boy". I have little problem with this. A baby knows itself very little and cannot comprehend itself properly and so adults assign labels which, for the most part, do help with development as a child is introduced to social spaces (schools etc.).

When young, gender means little and so I thought little of it. I never felt apart or different from my schoolmates. I did however feel uncomfortable and didn't know why. Constantly feeling as if I wasn't explaining myself properly and getting confused easily. I was bullied for this by many of the other boys and when trying to defend myself, I was made an outcast. This led to me to very female dominated spaces.

I tried my hardest to join the other boys (as I thought I was supposed to) but time and time again, I'd be pushed away. I did, however, make good friends with a few boys a couple of which I'm still friends with today. But my fondest memories come from my friendships with the girls and how they shaped me as a person.

I didn't know it then but through them I began to question myself, sub-conciously at first but very soon after it started to dominate my thinking. By the age of 14 I knew something was off for sure, but I didn't know what, so I started researching to find an answer.

First, I started to look at trans-folk and see how they saw it."Trans," Such an illusive word. To me it seemed so simple to begin with. Someone wanted to be something else because they felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable. "Maybe there's something in this?" I thought, so I kept digging here and there with little motivation until I was about 15 when GCSEs took over and I didn't have time to think about it much until the summer of 2016. The thoughts came back in a big way. Why? I started going to parties.

Now it may seem a little silly but getting drunk and forgetting to hide myself allowed me to express myself in ways I'd never had the chance to before. Mannerisms began to appear that I wasn't controlling intentionally. I started speaking differently, stopped feeling like I had to explain myself and started having fun. This was the next big step of my self-discovery.

I then started playing DnD. Now, laugh if you wish but I had a human bard character names Steve who I categorized as a projection of myself if a little exaggerated. While playing as Steve, those mannerisms I gained started to take over even when sober. This was the last proof I needed to know I was queer but I didn't know what labels to use. I settled with saying I just had "queer tendencies" and left it at that but I still felt uncomfortable when I wasn't playing Steve.

So, I'm definitely queer, that's for sure but what kind?

I'm researching properly now. And not just gender, but sexuality as well. Bi, pan, gay, ace, etc.. I looked up everything and kept finding new labels. To help ease my brain, I focused on sexuality first. I knew I liked girls but I also liked boys however both in different ways. I timidly said I was bi for a couple years and then came out properly soon after my 18th birthday. I felt comfortable. For now . . .

I was still, however, confused. I couldn't work out whether I was a boy or a girl and it kept making everything else seem so confusing. At this point (16 or so) most of my good friends were male, I was decent at sports and I had a big ol' bass voice. BOY, right?

But there was something still bugging me.

I couldn't figure it out. Not until the summer before Uni, something slipped into place. I had completed my A Levels, I was out as bi, my shitty friends had left me, all was good. Wrong. I was more tense than ever. All I could think about was gender. Gender this, gender that. Constantly thinking, even with the distraction of the Edinburgh Fringe. I was also listening to a lot of Steam Powered Giraffe who, of course, have a trans woman playing the "Rabbit" character. I was obsessed. I wanted to find out everything about her and luckily, she posted a whole set of videos cataloguing her transition and thoughts all the way through. Finally, someone was essentially saying to me clearly what "trans" actually meant. Things began to make sense. I knew then that I was probably not cis but i didn't really feel comfortable saying I was "fully" trans, if you get my meaning.

But then I went to Uni. I finally had a chance to express myself freely and boy oh boy, did I do just that. I became so much more feminine than I ever had been in my life. It was so freeing. But I still didn't feel trans.

Then, someone introduced me to the concept of being "non-binary". A new term. I hadn't heard of it before. Is it like being trans? Or something completely different. I dived in head-first and came out the other end with even more answers but so many more questions.

Finally, I took the plunge (I'm sorry for so many swimming metaphors).

One evening in February 2019 after Uni I was in the loo before a musicals rehearsal. I hadn't felt well all day and was wearing something particularly feminine and caught myself in the mirror. I studied myself for a good few minutes. Each detail, each curve, how my body felt and looked in the clothes I was wearing. I stood there staring. Luckily no one walked in on me.

And something just clicked. After so many years of worrying and tensing, I finally understood. I was genderqueer.

Now, I should explain (here I go again), I didn't just decide then and there. I few months prior, my new uni friend "tom" (she goes by a different name now) had introduced me to a youtuber called Contrapoints. Before anyone says anything, I know she's caused a lot of discourse but I don't feel as if this is the right time to make any cases. Anyway, she didn't used to be openly trans and used to go by the label genderqueer. At the time, she made a very comprehensive video explaining what is and what it meant for her.

It intrigued me so, naturally, I did some more research and found that it fit my situation quite adequately but I didn't feel comfortable falling myself "genderqueer" yet either.

For those who don't know, genderqueer is an umbrella term for a wide range of traits which are either predominantly female, male or androgynous. It doesn't necessarily have a perfect definition and can be different for anybody who identify themselves as such.

My own genderqueerness could be described as a complete rejection of the male binary and so I carry more female and androgynous traits. This affects the way I speak, move my body, dress and my perspective on greater society. I also experience gender dysphoria. Now, to some, this would mean I was most likely just trans and using this a stopping-point before going further. This I feel is not the case. Whilst I am made uncomfortable by my flat chest, copious hair and broad shoulders, I do not feel the same about my genitalia or Adam's apple.

There are also more political connotations with the term genderqueer over non-binary. Genderqueer is a lot more aggressive but it gets the point across more clearly but I wouldn't say I wasn't non-binary. In fact, I think they're one and the same in practice but I do use my identity as a statement and so the genderqueer label feels more appropriate.

So yeah, I came out as genderqueer that February evening. First to my partner, then my friends and only now, almost a year later, am I attempting with my family.

I am so much happier for it too. I kept myself hidden for so long and have only now started to just accept myself and give in to the voice in my head telling me to let go. I'm much more relaxed too. Since coming out and using more neutral and even feminine pronouns, my dysphoria has become less of an issue. I still get it and I have bad days of course but for the first time in a long time, things are looking up.

I can't change the world, but I've been able to find myself in it more clearly and that helps a bunch.

TL;DR: I'm genderqueer. I'm bisexual. I've been out for a considerable time now and feeling better because of it.

Anyway, if you did read the whole thing, thank you. I'm not saying this'll be the same forever but this is me now and I'm still breathing so come get me world!

Feel free to reblog this, I hope it helps others realise themselves too.

[composereggwrites]

Imprint Zine: New Creators’ Spotlight

This is my full article for the twewy @imprintzine!!! There’s still digital copies available of the full zine, and some merch left too!!! It was a blast to write and work with the other participants!

If you like this and wanna chat with me about it hit me up here or in my twewy discord!!!

Ao3

NEW CREATORS SPOTLIGHT

Hello again readers, and welcome to this month’s New Creator Spotlight! We find up-and-coming artists of all types to highlight! From fashion, music, and art, we know how to find the hidden talent in Shibuya and illuminate them all for you to see!

Mr. Mew Creations

First up is Mr. Mew Creations, a new fashion brand led by the fabulous Eri and Shiki Misaki. This duo has taken the fashion scene by storm with their innovative ideas and inspiring designs. From dresses to bright three-piece suits, these two push the boundaries of how we define outfits.

The star of their debut collection is a marvelous dress suit! It’s a dress, and a suit, combined into one! The top half is styled as a silken tuxedo jacket in bold fuchsia, with a pale lavender undershirt and iridescent pearl buttons. The bottom half, however, is a skirt designed to evoke the image of an elegant ball gown. The slip is comfortable enough to wear all day, while providing a backing to the outermost layer, which is a cascade of feathers dyed a stunning cobalt blue.

They have a myriad of other pieces in this lineup, going beyond the binary while staying fashionable and comfortable. From a simple purple shirt with embroidered orange foxes along the hem, to a yellow sweater with a detailed pink squirrel on the front, there’s a wide variety to choose from!

We sat down with the girls for an interview in their studio to talk about their threads, and they had a lot to say!

Thank you for interviewing with us. Could you both introduce yourselves for our readers?

Eri: Yeah sure! Thank you for interviewing us! I’m Eri, the lead designer of our two-person team, Mr. Mew Creations! I do most of the conceptual work, putting ideas down on paper and seeing where that gets us. Shiki definitely helps with that, but her talent shines in, well-- She can tell you!

Shiki: Hah, yeah! I’m Shiki Misaki! I’m the seamstress, so I made all the outfits you can see here in our workspace! Taking what Eri gives me, I bring our ideas to life! We’re both good in each other’s field, but together it feels like we’re unstoppable. She’s handed me some amazing designs to work with, and some I never thought I’d be able to turn into reality. The star of our show, the dress, was one of those. It almost ended up in the trash on more than one occasion, actually. We had to completely redesign it multiple times because we’re both perfectionists, and because someone sees the laws of physics as a challenge to beat. Eri likes to see how far we can push things past their limits, but we work best together because I can reel her back in if it goes too far.

We’re glad you two make such a good team! What led you to make the half-dress, half-suit outfit?

Eri: We wanted to design something that ignored gender norms. Something that defied them, without defaulting to a vaguely-masculine, androgynous look. The fact that clothing is gendered is ridiculous, and there’s this idea that men’s clothing is the default when you want a “gender neutral” item. We decided to go in the opposite direction, and add as much gender as we could, without being limited to one gender.

Shiki: It, like most of our line, is inspired by one of our friends. This dress was originally designed for him, before we decided to use it as part of our lineup. Gender is weird, and the society we live in makes navigating it more confusing than it needs to be. To be able to wear what you want, without worrying about the perception others have of you, without worrying about the way you’ll be labeled? That’s the ideal we strive for, and we hope our work can make a difference.

You said your friends inspired your line. What can you tell us about your creative choices?

Eri: Our friends are unique individuals, and we are too, so we know how to take a look at what people want, and what they need. Not everyone has the perfect model body. Not everyone wants to wear the high-fashion bling, or keep up with all the latest trends. The trick is to find what people want to wear, and design that, instead of chasing what’s trendy. If it’s stylish, people will want it, but it has to look nice and fit right.

Shiki: Just because something is comfortable, doesn’t mean it can’t have style. People are going to notice if you’re not at ease in the clothes you wear, and that unease ruins otherwise perfect appearances. We custom make everything here, and as the seamstress it’s my job to take what Eri gives me for the design and bring it to life. Doing that, while taking sensory issues into account, and ensuring nothing irritates the person who will be wearing it, is of the utmost importance.

Can you tell us a bit about  yourselves and your brand? How you got started, or where your mascot came from?

Shiki: Oh! Our mascot, Mr. Mew, was the first thing I ever made. I still have the original, and I carry him around with me. My quality of work has improved a lot, but he’s a big comfort item. He helps me face all the big scary monsters of the world, and I want him to be there to help others too.

Eri: We met when we were younger, back in middle school. I’ve always been good at making friends, but Shiki was a lot more shy then. Actually, we got in an argument, once when we were 15. I was so worried, I thought I was going to lose my best friend forever over a misunderstanding. Thankfully, we worked it all out, and here we are now! She’s a wonderful seamstress, and all of our friends are so supportive, so it’s nice. I don’t think we’d be where we are today without each other, and the help of everyone in our lives.

 It’s clear that these girls put lots of effort and dedication into what they do!

These girls offer more than some great threads! The namesake of their brand, Mr. Mew, is an adorable cat, and you can get merchandise of him too! Show off your love by picking up one of their plushies, cat ear headbands, and more!

Check out their full line at https://MrMewCreations.Com

 Neku Sakuraba

The artist of the month is none other than Neku Sakuraba! If you’ve taken a walk around Shibuya, you’ve already seen his stuff! This graffiti expert has been gaining a name for himself with stunning displays of color and intricate designs. If you frequent 104 or Molco, you’ll have seen his stylish bold lines on ads for some of the stores!

He first started making waves in the art world last December, when he put up a mural in the Miyashita Park Underpass. Dubbed Hachiko’s Guardian Angel by the public, it features a glowing figure standing over Hachiko, with white feathery wings stretched out over Shibuya’s night-time skyline. There are people at the base of the statue, and musical notes fill the outer space. We reached out to Sakuraba himself for commentary, and managed to secure an interview in his studio!

The space was big, half-finished paintings and sketches scattered across the room. Cans of spray-paint, colored pencils, and charcoal were everywhere. Interestingly, we also spotted a couple Mr. Mew plushies laying around. A second guest, a friend of Sakuraba’s who insisted on being called Joshua, was also in the studio.

But without further ado, the interview:

Thanks for welcoming us to your studio! Can you give us an introduction?

Neku: Right, hi, thanks for interviewing me. I’m Neku Sakuraba. Music geek, CAT fanboy, unwilling follower of fashion trends. That one over there [he gestures toward his friend] is Joshua. Please ignore everything he says. He decided to be here for “moral support,” but I think he just wants to tease me.

[Joshua, at this, gasped, and said, “I would never!” but as requested, his further commentary has been cut from the interview.]

Got it! What inspired you to start making art?

Neku: I’ve always been a doodler. My mom has artwork from back when I was six. The big moment of inspiration for me, when I went, I want to do this, was when I saw CATs art. Looking up at the mural in Udagawa for the first time, back when I was ten, I felt a spark, and I haven’t let go of that feeling since. It’s been rough, I’ve struggled with mental health issues, but art has always been a solace in the dark. I never thought I’d make it this far, or get as much recognition as I have. It’s amazing, and wonderful, and terrifying all at once.

You first got popular because of the mural you put up last December, in the Miyashita Park Underpass. Can you tell us anything about it?

Neku: Oh, yeah! It was the first mural I’d ever done, and I drew a lot of inspiration from Shibuya. In my head, I’ve nicknamed it Shibuya’s Composition. The piece is loosely based off a dream, if I’m being honest. The glowing white figure in the center, with the wings, is meant to be a guardian of Shibuya. Someone who helps the city grow. Meanwhile, the people at Hachiko are waiting for their friend to show, but he can’t, because he’s watching from above, protecting them from afar.

Fascinating! Do you feel like there’s a story you can make from that, one you might tell in the future?

Neku: I don’t think this is ever going to be a story or comic, unfortunately. It’s more of a personal piece. A few years ago, I only had one friend, my first friend, but I lost him. When he died, I isolated myself, and it took a lot from some special people to draw me out of that shell. Even now, I wish I could see him again, and the idea of him still being out there, watching over me and my new friends, comforts me when I miss him the most. I guess I’m like Hachiko, waiting for a dead person to come home.

I’m sorry for your loss. Can you tell us anything about your other artwork?

Neku: I do a lot of graffiti-style works. There’s no other big murals out there by me yet, but I’m working on a few designs right now. People have commissioned me to do stuff ranging from tattoo designs to album covers and store promotions. One of my favorite things to do when I make art, though, is to take the mundane and re-imagine it as something mystical. Why can’t you make foxes purple? Who says there isn’t danger lurking in the shadows? What’s stopping me from adding fire and lightning as weapons, from creating fantastical fights?

Another big source of inspiration is Shibuya. I’ve grown up in this city, it’s my home. If I can look around and see things others don’t? Then I can put that down on paper. Whether it’s as simple as catching the neon lights illuminating the Scramble, or the leaves falling around Hachiko, I can see that, pull it apart, and let my imagination run wild.

That’s pretty cool. You mentioned doing album artwork earlier, so can you tell us what it was like to design the cover for the latest album by The Albatross?

Neku: It was fun! I can’t tell you anything about them, obviously, but it came as a shock when they asked me if I could take on this project. In hindsight, it makes perfect sense. But what I can say, without getting myself vaporized on the spot, is that it was enjoyable, and they’re fun to work with. Even if they’re kinda a priss. The amount of artistic freedom I had was nice, and I think we collaborate well together. So there might be more partnership between us in the future, but nothing’s certain yet.

Wonderful! With that, one last question: what motivates you to create?

Neku: Art has always been an escape for me. It can be pretty, or loud. It can shout your thoughts from the rooftops or disguise them under the rustling of leaves in the wind. You can influence others with it, if you’re lucky. I create art for myself, first and foremost. But if I can provide a glimpse into my own secret garden, and let others see pieces of who I am in my work? Then I’m glad. I want to share it. I want to make my mark on the world, and provide others with the escape I once sought.

 This up-and-coming young artist is going to be a big name someday! With his talent, dedication, and heart, Neku Sakuraba might just be the next CAT!

If you want to support him, you can find information about him, his store, and his commission prices at https://nekusakuraba.com

 The Albatross

Our final creator of the month, someone a bit less new, but never interviewed, is The Albatross! Their first album, Noise, featured CAT artwork on the cover: an albatross in flight, with TV static cutting through the image. These two are a mysterious duo, but The Albatross takes the title of most elusive. Despite gaining fame from fans latching onto CAT art, The Albatross has never given the public a single word.

Until now, that is! With their second album, Pulse, set to release in a couple of weeks, they have consented to an interview for the first time!

The album artwork was done by Neku Sakuraba, and it features a feathered white wing, sprouting from the right-hand side of the image. Some of the lower feathers have been replaced with graffiti-like designs.

As for the music itself, their first album featured orchestral tracks, heavy on the violin, alongside electro-punk tunes! Some were instrumental, while others had lyrics. Pulse is looking to be the same style, but rather than the dark themes of Noise, it contains brighter, more hopeful songs.

We went through a lot of paperwork, involving multiple non-disclosure agreements, and the interview took place over a call while they utilized a voice changer, but it was worth it! And we’re happy to share what we’ve learned with you!

Thank you for choosing to have your first interview ever be with us! Can you give us an introduction? Nothing too personal is required!

Albatross: You were the only ones I felt were trustworthy, and the only ones completely willing to honor my anonymity. Also, a friend may have bribed me into it with promises of ramen. As for introductions… I am The Albatross, composer of music, avid Tin Pin fan, and a nerd when it comes to all things Shibuyan. History, culture, the trends. I thrive off her, it’s like the city’s got a pulse that matches my heartbeat.

Shibuya is amazing, we agree. Can you tell us why you chose your alias?

Albatross: There’s a lot of symbolism in the albatross. The bird can be a sign of good luck for sailors, historically. In the poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, though, one of the sailors kills an albatross, and thus it becomes a curse. He bears the burden as the other sailors hang the bird around his neck, reminding him of how he’s doomed them all. I’ll let fans keep speculating on why I picked it, though. I can’t give away all my secrets here.

Of course. We wouldn’t want you to spoil all the fun! How do you make your music?

Albatross: It’s amazing what you can do with technology! I know how to play the violin and piano, so any parts in my songs with those are actually me playing, but for the rest I use a few different music programs! For vocals, I outsource it to Shibuyan singers, but all lyrics are still written by me. In the end, I weave everything together, and finagle it so it fits.

Sounds like a lot of work. Where do you get your inspiration for it all?

Albatross: From Shibuya! This city has a life of her own. Feet tapping against pavement, voices reaching through the air, all the beeps and honks and the myriad of noises that resound in every corner; it all creates a rhythm, it creates music. Sometimes I’ll sit and let it all wash over me. The city holds so much, a million stories fighting for attention. They echo in my head, begging to be told, so I write them. I turn them into music in the hopes of expressing their messages for everyone to hear.

The tone between your first and second album has changed a lot, from what the previews are showing. Is there a reason for this?

Albatross: Yeah. I’m going to be blunt. When I wrote and released my first album, I was suicidal. Completely isolated from the rest of humanity, with no friends or good experiences to fall back on for comfort. My only outlet was music, and because I was so depressed and misanthropic, my work reflected this. I saw the world as poisoned, felt like people would never change, and thought my existence contributed to the negativity.

But now? I have friends. Someone entered my life, not quite of their own free will, but they stuck around. They dragged me into the sun, undoing all my self-sabotaging attempts, and they helped me grow. Helped me learn to see the good in humanity again. Shibuya is full of life, full of creativity, of people trying to do their best and help others. I wasn’t able to see it before, vision clouded with my own preconceived notions, but they… Removed the tinted glasses from my face, so to speak. And this is why my new album is more hopeful and lighthearted.

You mentioned mental health, just now. Are you able to elaborate on any of that?

Albatross: Mhm, I can. It’s not pleasant, but… Mental health isn’t talked about enough, even though it impacts so many people. I’ve had depression for years now. I still do. Some friends and a few bonding experiences doesn’t magically cure everything. There is no magic cure. What helps is finding people you can rely on when things get tough. If I lock myself in my apartment, I used to hide away for weeks. Now, though? One of them comes knocking after a few days, with ramen and orders to shower. Sometimes it can feel like you’re going to shatter into a million pieces. But instead of falling apart in secret and cutting myself on the shards of glass, I have people who hold me as I break, minimize the damage, and help me piece myself back together.

Recovery is not a straight line, and there’s no end to the winding trail you take. What’s important is having friends there with you. People who help you stand up when you stumble, who help you make camp when you need to rest. Find someone who makes you feel safe enough to fall apart. Someone who can be there to pick up the broken shards, and help you create something new and beautiful with the pieces.

 The Albatross is still a mystery to us all, but hopefully their words and music have reached those of you who need to hear them!

They don’t have an official website, but you can find The Albatross on your preferred music streaming service, or head to a local music shop to pick up their stuff! Don’t forget to pre-order their newest album, Pulse, and if you haven’t grabbed Noise yet, be sure to snag that too!

And that’s all for our New Creators Spotlight this month! Be sure to get next month’s issue for all our latest stories, and to discover the up-and-coming talents of Shibuya!

[arsonforcharlie]

Oh, wow, a "nonbinary ~*~*~kweer~*~*~" woman who is fine with she/her pronouns, dates straight cis men, wears makeup all the time, but ~*~*~identifies~*~*~ as q*eer so thinks she can reclaim slurs! So progressive and unique!

uh?

i mean there’s a lot here to unpack, but really, if you take out the sarcastic misspellings and asterisks and cut that you clearly sent this to be shitty, you’ve got a lot correct. like, i mean, i’ve got a lot of words about my gender, but yeah, i do a lot of things that are seen as woman things. in an ideal world i’d be read as more androgynous, but i know for a fact that, like, 99% of the time, that isn’t going to happen even if i commit to doing 50% Man Things and 50% Woman Things. the fact is, especially since i have no desire to, say, go on hormones or get top surgery or really change my body at all to try and be more “neutral” (which is probably for the best- the closest i ever got to working on that was when i was unhealthily obsessed with being a waifish gothy type which was not great for my me) i am going to be read as female in most situations. so yeah, i can deal with operating as a woman, because it’s either that or explain my shit to everyone i meet, you know? and yeah, i wear makeup. it’s not progressive or unique or anything but, like, glitter is fun. whatever. it’s been said before and it’ll be said again, but the notion that if you want to be nonbinary you have to eschew everything that might be seen as gendered (which, let’s be real, in today’s society just means wearing men’s clothes, which is also a thing i do because they’re made better and i look dope in them) is pretty much impossible since, in most settings, we’re gendered every time someone looks at us. it’s unfortunate, but it is the way it is, and claiming that societal assumptions nullify our identities can and does get real bad real fast

(as a side note now that i’ve written all that i don’t know if you meant that sarcasm as being ‘you’re not a Real Nonbinary’ or ‘nonbinary people are faking it’ but either way the notion that i need to prove my gender identity by performing masculinity is… not great?)

there’s also the whole queer discourse thing, which, like, it’s all been said before, but in my specific case, even if i was cis (wrong) and even if i was only dating a straight cis man (wrong again) i would… still be queer? none of the things you’ve listed even begin to prevent me from being attracted to non-dude people, and frankly, being married to the notion that being in a relationship with a man automatically makes one straight reveals a hell of a lot more about you than it does about me, even if it is meant as a gotcha point about how i don’t have the gay cachet to use one of the few labels i’ve really felt applies to me.

also, hey, one more quick question actually, something to mull over, fuck you and your whole fuckin’ scene that you’ve got going on, it’s bad

[vi-is-for-gay]

My coming out story

When I figured out I wasn't exactly what I was biologically assigned

Hi everyone!

This is meant more of a stream of consciousness online journal to help me think about my life.

I am Asian, Vietnamese. I was born in Los Angeles, CA and moved to Atlanta, GA, when I was 5 or 6 years old. I consider myself growing up in the deep south with conservatives and a strong Christian Baptist society.

I am AMAB and sometime in October I came out to myself that I am transgender. I seriously debated with myself that because I was able to have romantic relationships with women and I was then having a 'cis' relationship. It felt wrong and it felt guilty.

I wasn't sure what to make of my feelings:

I was a guy

I liked girls

But I also liked dresses and envied how girls could be so soft, had their ability to have a supportive social network, warm personalities, and a feeling of belonging, mostly

About 3 years ago, I confessed to a friend who came out gay to me that I had crossdressed when I was younger and that I always wondered what my life would be like if I was born a woman. I had these thoughts all my life that it was a bunch of 'what ifs' but I came to terms with my body and what I was. I guess that's why I've always been overweight; I never liked it and I didn't really desire the male idea of perfection of a 6 packs and toned muscles.

The feeling of being out of place started young. I was just a small child when I told myself I couldn't like yellow because it was a girl's color so I chose blue because it was neutral. I don't remember how old I was or when it was, but it was young and most likely under 10. I regret that choice. Today I embrace yellow.

In elementary school, I was placed into a group with 3 girls and one of them accidentally called me 'she/her' and then corrected herself. I remember feeling disappointed that she corrected herself.

I had a phase when there was lotion provided and I ran up with some other girls to get some. This was around in 4th grade. The music teacher said boys don't get lotion and I remember violently rubbing it on my jeans to fit in and feeling strongly ashamed.

During puberty I felt something wrong was happening. I saw the girls around me start growing breasts and they would compare cup sizes. Their friendships grew stronger. My relative male relationships fell apart and I felt that I got the short end of the stick. I felt that I was always missing out by being a guy because I didn't like what they had to offer.

When I was young, roughly middle school age, I went through a /phase/ where I tried to be emo/scene. It was that they had long hair, skinny jeans, and that appealed to me because men were acceptable in that scene. During the same time I would time these crossdressing episodes when the parents would be out of the house and it was just my brother and I at home. I'd set him up at the computer playing the RPG classic 'Sacred' and I'd rummage in my mom's closet trying a bunch of stuff on: dresses, skirts, panties, panty hose, blouses, etc. I took a strong liking to panty hose but my dad found out and said I'm not supposed to wear that. That whole phase stopped soon after because I didn't want to get caught again.

During that stint I tried to grow out my hair and I got a straightening iron. Issue was that I didn't know how to take care of long hair and Asian hair is naturally straight. I didn't have access to internet so I could not rationalize my feelings and find that there was a community that existed. My mom convinced me to cut off my hair because I didn't know how to maintain it and she said boys should have short hair, so I chose to fit in and repress how I felt for the greater good.

During my high school years we got internet access and I began to get educated on the world and it's sexuality. I was constantly looking up the concept of Male to Female Transsexual, reading stories of transition, pre op and post op, and I vividly remember one of them mentioning dialiation and it accidently feeling good, like what downstairs could feel like. I took several quizzes but they all pointed to me being male brained with some female aspect. I feel that it came from repressing and the constant 'I need to fit in' mentality from my culture. It was difficult being first born Vietnamese American.

I became a much better person in university when I found people who I related to strongly. I created a social network of mostly women with some standing on the LGBTQ spectrum. I considered myself a strong ally and I supported them. I always thought of myself as the token guy in the group.

It finally clicked one day last year that I envied women because I wanted to be like one, so stage one was this definition called:

Male lesiban.

Yeah it was sort of weird.

After doing more research and talking to close friends I trusted, I realized that I was a woman inside and that I liked women. The amount of visibility for Trans-Lesibans extremely helped my process of coming out to myself and coming to terms with my now, much more confusing (but also much more warm and soft) future. Tumblr incredibly helped because I was instantly thrown into a pro LGBTQ world. I was always afraid of Tumblr and maybe it was that I was afraid of coming out to myself because I just knew.

There was so much of my life that just 'clicked' the instant I called myself a woman. All those events in my childhood made sense. Why I strongly resented strong displays of masculinity was because I didn't want that for myself.

I was attracted to long hair in women.

I was attracted to soft women in body and personality.

I was attracted to social groups and a sense of belonging.

All of a sudden it was that

I wanted long hair

I wanted to be soft in body and personality

I wanted to have a close knit social group that society generally encourages.

And all of a sudden I was immediately thrown into the LGBTQ community as a violently strong member and from supporting their fights and issues, it became my personal fight too.

I came out to that friend who came out to me first. She gave me her support and love.

I came out to my close social group. They all gave their support and love.

I came out to my girlfriend. She gave me her support and love. Importantly, she said something that makes me warm every time:

I don't really care about your flesh prison and whatever you're really doing to it. I think right now you're just redecorating. I love the operating system underneath, I love the brain that controls the flesh prison, I love the spirit that inhabits this body. I love you (y o u) you. You're still cute and I love you.

After coming out to my group, I spent roughly 200 dollars on women's clothing. I bought a gaff, panties, sports bra, actual bra, camis, leggings, jeans, khakis, socks, a cute cardigan, and breast forms both adhesive and non.

I bought makeup: foundation, loose powder, eyeliner on pencil and liquid, lip stain, lip balm, lip stick, facial cleaner and day/night moisturizer, eyebrow pencil and tweezers.

The moment I put a cami on and looked in the mirror, I felt 'right'. I had a strong bubbly warm feeling in the mirror. It was literally euphoric and the feeling I've read about before in many MTF blogs and stories.

I took the cami off like women would by holding opposite sides of the shirt and pulling it over my head. The same feeling came back

I put on breast forms and had boobs. The same feeling came back.

I went out in androgynous style with skinny jeans, tucked in t shirt, boots, and a flannel to complete a lesiban look. Same feeling.

I'm so confused, but happy. I feel like soup. I don't know what I'm made of or what's inside. I just know that right now I'm warm and happy.

But I'm struggling. Now I have to consider my future.

Do I come out to my Asian conservative parents?

Do I come out to my girlfriend's parents who think being gay is a //lifestyle// and are heavily Christian?

Do I consider HRT? Do I consider surgery?

I don't know. I don't really know.

I have some pipe dream of being able to pass as a woman in public. It went from passing online to passing at home to passing in public. I don't know.

Everything has changed so quickly and I'm afraid of what might come next.

I'm lucky that right now I'm financially supported. I'm about to graduate with an engineering degree with prospects for graduate school. I'm lucky that what I wanted to do is worth a lot of money. I don't know socially what's going to happen to me.

[dragoler]

The Role of the Player in Undertale

This is another analysis that I wrote a while ago which I have decided to post here now.

I dislike the theory that the player is an entity within the game and here i’m going to explain why. Frisk is a self-insert protagonist. Their gender is androgynous, their facial expression is fixed into a neutral state and their attitude changes depending upon the actions you take. This is demonstrated in Waterfall when you first encounter the mad dummy:

* (Seems like a regular training dummy.) * (Do you want to beat it up?)

[LV 1]: * (You tap the dummy with your fist.) * (You feel bad.)

[LV 2, 3, 4]: * (You hit the dummy lightly.) * (You don’t feel like you learned anything.)

[LV 5, 6, 7]: * (You sock the dummy.) * (Who cares?)

[LV 8+]: * (You punch the dummy at full force.) * (Feels good.)

While i’m aware that the popular narrator-Chara theory (A theory which I think holds a lot of weight and subscribe to myself) suggests that this text is being said by Chara, the narration uses the word ‘you’, and not ‘I’, so these actions are still being taken and decided upon by Frisk.

To make the player a separate entity would be to remove credit and agency from Frisk in ALL runs. At the end of a genocide run, Chara speaks to Frisk directly. The message - as with most messages in the game directed towards the protagonist - are meant to be taken by the player. You are responsible, because you ARE Frisk!

There is one exception to this rule… Chara was always the one in control of the SAVE file. Their name is on it, and after a Pacifist run, Flowey confronts them directly for trying to load it. Okay next question, how does Flowey know you’re Chara? Flowey is smart. In a genocide run, he’s able to figure out for himself why his best friend suddenly returned to life in the ruins. If he can make that leap in assumption, then he can come to the realization that Frisk couldn’t have come up with the memories used to ‘save’ him on their own. Frisk didn’t know him as Asriel, Chara did.

So where loading and resetting is concerned, we swap to playing as Chara instead. Additional evidence to support this: You use a red heart to select options in-game, while on the load/reset screen there is nothing. Frisk has a red soul while Chara is soulless. It’s not conclusive, but it’s a fun little detail.

Argument against: Frisk speaks and takes actions on their own.

Rebuttal: So does every other self-insert protagonist. Programmers can’t make conditions for every possible combination of words, and some sections just require control to be taken away, even when the player feels like they should be in control.

Argument against: Sans mentions an ‘anomaly’.

Rebuttal: He’s referring to whoever is messing with the timeline. Before Frisk fell, that anomaly was Flowey.

Argument against: Sans looks towards the screen when telling jokes.

Rebuttal: Sans isn’t the only character to do this. Mettaton is said to always look forward to hide the switch on his back, even when Frisk can walk behind him during the cooking show segment. Mettaton also denies the existence of a player or player-like entity during the quiz show if you answer ‘Don’t know’ to the question ‘Who does Dr.Alphys have a crust on?’.

[Mettaton] CORRECT. DR. ALPHYS HAS A CRUSH ON… THE UNKNOWABLE. YOU SEE, ALPHYS BELIEVES THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE. SOMEONE WATCHING HER. SOMEONE SHE THINKS IS “CUTE” AND “INTERESTING.” HELLO, THEORETICAL PERSON. DR. ALPHYS LIKES YOU. TOO BAD YOU ARE NOT REAL. *DERISIVE LAUGHTRACK*.

[Alphys] H-hey, I’ve done research about this! There are alternate universes out there! S-someday, maybe, I could meet them…

[Mettaton] YOU SAID THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT “MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE.” BUT I’LL GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. PERSON, IF YOU’RE OUT THERE… HOW ABOUT GIVING US A SIGN, RIGHT NOW?

[Background music briefly pauses in silence]

[Mettaton] THAT SETTLES THAT, DOESN’T IT?

If Mettaton doesn’t believe in the existence of a player, then why does he still face forwards, regardless of Frisk’s position? The best explanation I can give, is just that the game isn’t taking itself too seriously here. Toby Fox is known to troll his fanbase, so the game using perspective to mess with us isn’t all that far fetched.

[transangstychaosmagicuser]

I was reminded today of one of the many clues I should have picked up on long ago that I was trans. I remember my wife (then my fiance) posting that she had shared with some of her theatre friends our engagement and they joked about how long she’d waited (the actual reason being that she hadn’t shared it yet with her family because we hadn’t been dating too long before getting engaged) and asked why she was worried about sharing with theatre people the fact that she was dating a woman.

And I remember - even then, as someone who was presenting as female and hadn’t really considered the trans piece much, if at all - internally recoiling at that word.

I had a lot of those moments over the years. I remember putting on a masculine cut-shirt when I was a teenager, one that I’d seen on one of the male characters I idolized, and being so frustrated that because my chest was not flat and my shoulders were more narrow, it didn’t look the same on me that it did on him.

I remember having a preference for playing/portraying more masculine characters in games and LARP, up until the LARP’ing group I was a part of said that, due to the confusion my visibly female ass caused while playing a male character, we had to portray characters who are the same gender as us. I only got away with it during my final year because I was portraying a transmasculine character and they said that was acceptable.

I still hadn’t come out then. I hadn’t even really considered it. When I lost that character, I went back to portraying a female character.

But that was the first year I really considered my gender. There was a lot going on, emotionally and spiritually with me, and I remember questioning whether my sudden shift (which wasn’t exactly a shift, just an awakening) towards wanting to present more masculinely had something to do with previous lives and reincarnation and stuff like that.

And then, I really don’t know why, my gender identity got pushed on the back shelf. I remember presenting as very feminine at times during the next few years, at least in public. But it was only a year or two later when one of my friends came out as trans. And that was a huge awakening for me. Because, the more I saw him post about how his life had changed since he came out and started presenting as who he was, the more jealous I got.

So, a few months later, I came out. I had a shiny new name. I was going by masculine pronouns in my personal life. And then I made the mistake of requesting a meal or coffee to go under my personal name and they... butchered it. So I never did that again.

And because I didn’t pass well, I started presenting alternately as more androgynous/feminine at times and masculine at other times and shifted to genderfluid as my identity, starting to go by gender neutral pronouns. I wasn’t sure medically transitioning was in the cards and I knew I couldn’t pass as masculine without that due to my voice and other factors

And at some point that became too much. Being called by my birth name, being called by female pronouns; “she/her, ma’am, miss, etc.” just because unbearable. So I came out socially again and went further this time - coming out to my parents, coming out to my place of employment, and things like that. When I went to a new job, I came out to them as well.

The last year was an up and down journey. My work had a lot of red tape that made transitioning on the job very difficult and that led to constant misgendering/deadnaming. I’ve only been passing on a regular basis since about June, so that didn’t help.

But now I am on the other side. Aside from on the phone, which is variable, I pass pretty much 100% now. I did have one incident maybe a month ago where someone misgendered me to my face and it was clearly because they were trying to hurt me. And I’m so glad to be where I am now but I am sometimes sad that back when I was a teenager, I didn’t let myself consider what my gender identity was. I know that at the time, I didn’t know what being transgender meant. I also know that as a teenager and young adult, my friends often treated me as being more masculine. My wife has even said that she never viewed me as a woman during our entire friendship and relationship, even before I came out.

So I think it makes sense that being in those settings, it wasn’t until I was in more situations where I was being gendered (and misgendered) that it started to pile up. My friends called me nicknames, all of which were masculine, more often than not. But then I got into an environment where all that people knew was my birth name. And that was when I realized I had to do something.

I don’t know. This was a long post of ramblings about gender. It’s just been on my mind a lot recently.

[mysmeshc]

Eyyyyyy mate, could I maybe get some RFA+V+Unknown scenarios with a tomboy MC? Full package of Mistaken For Gay kind of tomboy (short hair, wears men's clothes, lacks makeup 95% of the time, has more guy friends than girl friends, etc., etc.), whole nine yards. Not gonna go through the trouble of discluding Jaehee because reasons but you can write that one platonic or romantic as you see fit. as a smol straight tomboy i want to feel validated here because obvious reasons

Ofc!! You’re beautiful just the way you are!!

RFA +V + Saeran react to Tomboy MC

Yoosung- Yoosung was surprised when he saw you for the first time. - You never came off as very feminine, but for some reason he pictured you with long hair and softer features. - So when you show up to the party wearing a similar outfit to his own he was definitely thrown for a loop. - “Yoosung? Hi! It’s me, MC!” He blinked in response. - “MC… is that, really you?” - You immediately knew why he was confused and you were crushed. - You didn’t blame him, but you had hoped he grew to enjoy your personality more than your external appearance. - “I’m sorry, Yoosung, but this is who I am. I’m not interested in make up and dresses and other feminine things- not that there’s anything wrong with that!!- It’s just really not my cup of tea…” you rubbed your neck sheepishly. - Yoosung blinked once more before shaking his head slightly and smiling. - “MC!! I don’t care if you’re not girly! I just wish you would have told me! We could have coordinated matching bow ties!” he grabbed your hands, finding it hard to make eye contact after what he said. - “I’m glad you are the way you are…”- AWE MY PRECIOUS BBY- When you smiled back up at him he thought he was gonna faint. - You were breathtaking.

Zen- When he flirted with you over chat he did refer to you as very feminine, so to say you were nervous was an understatement. - You really liked him, and it seemed he really liked you, but you knew that your appearance could be called… unexpected. - Jaehee had short hair like you, but her face and body screamed femininity, while yours was much more androgynous. - It wasn’t that you had a problem with how you looked! - You just hoped that your appearance wouldn’t be a deciding factor between you and Zen. - So upon seeing a long white ponytail in front of you it was hard not to panic. - so, like the brave lil tomboy u were, you tapped him on the shoulder. - “Hm, yes-” - “Hi Zen! I’m, uh… I’m MC!” - His eyes opened slightly before a gentle smile took over his once surprised expression. - “You have no idea how much it means to meet you.” he grabbed your hands and kissed your knuckles, treating you like a princess. - “Z-Zen! You don’t… You don’t mind the way I look?”- omg he looked OFFENDED- “MC, what could you possibly mean? You and I are the most gorgeous people in this room!” He winked. - cue ur face turning into a straight up tomato- “But really, MC, you’re perfect just the way you are.”

(I’ll skip Jaehee since you didn’t seem worried whether she was here or not)

Jumin- oh boy was he excited to meet you- Literally felt like a child on christmas morning- He was even more excited when you agreed to wear the dress he bought you. - you seemed hesitant but he concluded that you were worried about cost, which he ensured you he had covered. - he tried hard to keep composure but when word came through that you arrived he spoedwalked to the front of the party like it was NOBODIES business- Jumin is now Nyoomin- He looked around frantically until a gentle tug at his coat sleeve caught his attention.- “Hi Jumin, I’m MC.” you greeted warmly. - “MC…” He looked down upon you and you looked… uncomfortable. - “MC, are you okay? Is the dress the right size? You seem unhappy…”- Just like you could read through his bullshit he could read through yours. - You sighed, having dissapointed him in your eyes. - “I’m sorry Jumin, it’s a beautiful dress! And it fits like a glove! It’s just that… I don’t really like wearing dresses. It’s not my style, you know? I’d much rather wear what Yoosung is wearing…” You rubbed your arm, glancing off in Yoosungs direction. - Jumin looked like a kicked puppy, his eyes widened slightly with his lower lip barely puckered out. - “MC I wish you would have told me… I never want to be the reason you’re uncomfortable or don’t feel beautiful.” He grabbed your hands in his. - awe this man is too good and too kind- “Jumin it’s okay, I just thought you wouldn’t find me beautiful if I-”- OH HE WAS HAVING NONE OF THIS- “I would have to be the stupidest man on earth to not find you mind numbing my beautiful! No matter what you’re wearing, you’re my MC.”- … His MC?- Jumin realized what he just said and coughed, breaking eye contact. - “I- uh, What I meant by that was-”- you cut off his stutters by giggling behind your hand. - “It’s okay Jumin. I… I feel the same way.”- The smile that just lit up that man’s face is a smile you would never forget.

Seven- Bruh u could have shown up wearing Optimus Prime cosplay and he would still be like “LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL MC!!”- 100% loves how tomboyish you are. - When you arrived he nearly tackled you with a hug. - “MC!! You’re finally here! In person! HOW CRAZY IS THAT!!”- “Seven! Calm down! It’s just me…”- oh was that a smidge of SELF DOUBT HE DOTH HEAR?!?- oh no sweaty ;)- not on his watch- “Ya, MC, just you. that’s like saying the Mona Lisa is JUST a painting! or that Doge is JUST a meme!”- awe that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to u :’)- Seven understood your attitude though, when the waiter addressed you as sir. - He saw your confidence drop and knew exactly how to fix it!- “Actually, sir, it’s ma'am-”- “I think he was referring to moi~” you looked over and he had a LONG ASS WIG ON WTF WHERE DID HE GET THAT??!- you broke out in laughter as he used a redoculous high voice. - “See, MC? that waiter was just stupid! If putting on a wig makes him question my gender shows that he’s the problem, not you, so keep on keepin on with ya cute self!”- and that you did.

V- Honestly V had no clue bc u know he’s basically blind. - He could almost see your silhouette but just barely. - He was so overjoyed to meet you that he didn’t really consider that much about what you look like. - He was falling in love with your kind personality. - “Excuse me, sir, would you like anything to drink?”- V was about to answer when you cut him off. - “A-Actually, it’s ma'am.”- wait he wasn’t a ma'am what are you talking abo-- “I’m terribly sorry ma'am! please what would you like to drink?”- you ordered and he turned to V- “And you, sir?”- wait… the waiter thought you were a sir?- V ordered and as soon as the waiter left V smiled. - “Was the waiter blind too?”- when you didn’t laugh, but instead sigh, he got concerned. - “If you could see how much I looked like a boy you wouldn’t be surprised.”- oh no MC- “Well, then, even though I’m blind, I can clearly see a beautiful woman standing in front of me.”- “V… That’s very sweet but i’m over here.” you giggled, tapping on his shoulder. - V turned towards the sound of your voice, an embarrassed blush painting his cheeks. - “Ah, I’m sorry… but i still find you incredibly beautiful, MC.”- AWE V

Unknown (I’m gonna have this where he is found and at the party with Seven so this is where u meet him but u 2 had been talking and such on the messenger app b4)

- Despite his cold demeanor, Saeran wasn’t intentionally cruel- unless u were Seven lolol- but otherwise he was just straight up neutral. - so when u introduced yourself you were expecting a “hey dude/bro/other masculin nickname” - but instead when you said hi all you got was a “hey mc”- okay could u be ANY MORE disinterested. - you managed to talk to him, your nerves not easing throughout the conversation, afraid that he’ll bring up your appearance. - It takes him a while to notice your discomfort. - you’re in the middle of talking when he cuts you off - “Hey, stop acting all… tense and shit.”- ???- how did he know??- “I’m sorry, Saeran… I just thought you would reject me sooner or later.”- he raised an eyebrow - “It’s just that I look so much like a boy and-”- “Do I look like someone who gives a flying fuck about what people wear? For the love of God, MC, I wear chokers and I paint my nails. Fuck what society thinks a girl needs to look like. Who cares?”- you just stared at him in awe- “Wow… Thanks, Saeran.”- He looks back at you, ruffling your hair and the smallest hint of a smile graces his face. - “Don’t mention it.”