#then there’s my home state
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Just your average male living space.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen qing#lan wangji#A-Yuan#wei wuxian#(***Content warning for me talking about unhygienic living conditions in the tags today***).#The worst part of drawing this comic is that I've seen so much worse. This is a livable space.#I've helped out friends and family who were struggling and let me just say...I have seen some pretty dysfunctional living spaces.#Hell I've *lived* in some very dysfunctional living spaces.#Hording dishes under the bed was always something that grossed me out but it's unfortunately something I've seen people do way too often.#The horror everyone has upon walking into WWX's 'living' set up is so consistently 'Mate how are you living like this?'#It's honestly so integral to me that WWX's 'just left home for the first time' house/room be a depression/dysfunction pit.#You can learn a lot about someon's state of mind from how they keep their living space...and this guy is oozing 'deep depression'.#I don't think he's eaten anything but foods that classify as a struggle meal in a year.#Everyone is trying to stage an intervention but he just isn't in a good enough place to help himself.#By the way: I want to steer away from shaming people who have messy homes/rooms because life *does* hit hard sometimes.#My love language is coming into your home to do your dishes and do some housework. Don't apologize for the mess king.#Nothing could top some of the places I've had to help my older siblings out of.#I'd be okay with my flatmate having a severed limb and a blood pool at this point.#As long as he lets me take out the dishes from under the bed - We're good! My standards are so low at this point.
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Sometimes I want to bring Morrigan but then I remember I play as a face-tanking rogue and I bring Wynne. Warden Cousland, Morrigan, Wynne / Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware
#dragon age#dragon age fan art#comic#morrigan#warden cousland#healer#bioware#dao#dragon age origins#hero of ferelden#cousland#wynne#I'm back. I guess.#I did not notice at first but apparently I took a break from tumblr. I've already had several breakdowns over the dashboard.#(turns out I was on the 'for you' tab rather than the 'following' tab. the theme had changed as well. absolutely insufferable.)#I've felt really unconnected for a while but it actually feels better now? as if my tumblr mutuals was the missing link.#very healthy and hot of me ngl#so. I had a two week holiday this year and they were instantly slurped up. it went so fast!#there was this big football thing the week before my holiday - basically teams of teens come from all around the world to play etc.#I heard a girl tell her teammates that 'I'd love to travel on this bus every morning; happy people all around you; just add some music...'#she was also very excited when the bridge opened. the 'happy people' around her sighed bitterly and leaned back for a ten minute wait.#it is thankfully over now. the bus home is no longer stuffed full of football teams. but it's a fun experience for the players etc etc etc#well. in other thrilling news I went to spy on our sister shops during my time off. to see what they do differently. maybe steal some ideas#one store was like an instagram post with fancy teacups and stylish outfits. who knew a second-hand store could be so boring.#the other was like a man-cave with furniture and a passively-aggressive note by the toys stating that 'if u break it u pay. idiot. tnx<3'.#the man-cave was my favourite :)#rant over now! take care and bye etc!
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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seeing you outright mention you have death feedism tendencies is like a shotgun to the chest (positive)
i have a medical phobia that’s somehow twisted itself into death feedism ngl. also, evil feeders. 😳
someone hellbent on keeping me as fat as possible for as long as they can—knowing what cocktail of drugs keeps my heart pumping, dumbing me down and keeping me pliant with edibles hidden in my food, waking me up every few hours for feedings and funnel sessions instead of letting me sleep so the weight piles on faster than it should..
somewhere deep down i know it’s not good for me. maybe my feeder tells me about all the health problems i have while the feeding tube is in my mouth and i can barely think, but i can’t focus on what they’re saying without getting overwhelmed. if i don’t remember later, it doesn’t really matter, right?
maybe occasionally i’d “come to my senses,” during a lull in the feedings. when my feeder is busy and away for a while, after i’ve made my way through a small mountain of snacks and the mini fridge (full of shakes laced with THC to keep me docile) is just out of reach. maybe i’d try to get up, only to collapse back down because my knee problems finally caught up to me and fuck, it hurts to even try to walk. maybe then i’d finally take a look at where i am, how i’ve given up my life for someone’s (and my own, let’s be real) sick pleasure.
i’d have to deal with that realization for a while. maybe i’d start to cry, unable to handle the reality. eventually, though, my feeder would come back. they’d find me in this state and console me, getting the funnel ready because they can hear my stomach rumbling and it’s been too long since i’ve eaten. they’ll coo into my ear about how it’s all okay, how i asked for this and it’s what we both want.
they’d give my belly a shake, grasping the lowest roll in their hands and enjoying the way it makes my entire body wobble. they’d press a kiss onto the vast expanse of fat above my belly button, an area they were so excited to see expand under their care. they’d struggle a bit to lift one of my tits, eager to see how my breath hitches at the thought of their mouth on me. these are all distractions. they’ve mastered this game of manipulation and there’s no way i’d be able to find my way out of their control. their touch, the food they offer me, even those moments when i’m not high or in a haze of fullness and pleasure, were meant to further ensnare me and ensure i’m theirs for as long as i live.
my health, my life, is in my feeder’s hands. they know what’s best. as long as i keep eating, keep taking the pills they hand me, keep ignoring how hard it is to move and breathe, it will all be fine. or, that’s what i’d tell myself.
#medical phobia as in i WILL faint if im in a hospital/drs office/nursing home for too long#my anxiety mostly affects me physically and that’s a manifestation of it lmfao#i have a soft spot for feeders in the medical field too ngl#like. tell me how bad what i’m doing is for my health#i need the details too. tell me what chemicals are at work to keep my fatass alive and in a semi-healthy state#and then encourage me more? please 🥺#just so y’all know though. i doubt this is something i’d genuinely indulge in#idk if it’s possible for me to get THAT fat but god the thought is hot#and if a feeder is willing. hmmm :3#talk#ask#feedism.#death feedism
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As cameras becomes more normalized (Sarah Bernhardt encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use cameras because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by manufacturing companies. I paint not because I want a painting but because I love the process of painting. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.
if i have to explain to you that using a camera to take a picture is not the same as using generative ai to generate an image then you are a fucking moron.
#ask me#anon#no more patience for this#i've heard this for the past 2 years#“an object created and controlled by companies” anon the company cannot barge into your home and take your camera away#or randomly change how it works on a whim. you OWN the camera that's the whole POINT#the entire point of a camera is that i can control it and my body to produce art. photography is one of the most PHYSICAL forms of artmakin#you have to communicate with your space and subjects and be conscious of your position in a physical world.#that's what makes a camera a tool. generative ai (if used wholesale) is not a tool because it's not an implement that helps you#do a task. it just does the task for you. you wouldn't call a microwave a “tool”#but most importantly a camera captures a REPRESENTATION of reality. it captures a specific irreproducible moment and all its data#read Roland Barthes: Studium & Punctum#generative ai creates an algorithmic IMITATION of reality. it isn't truth. it's the average of truths.#while conceptually that's interesting (if we wanna get into media theory) but that alone should tell you why a camera and ai aren't the sam#ai is incomparable to all previous mediums of art because no medium has ever solely relied on generative automation for its creation#no medium of art has also been so thoroughly constructed to be merged into online digital surveillance capitalism#so reliant on the collection and commodification of personal information for production#if you think using a camera is “automation” you have worms in your brain and you need to see a doctor#if you continue to deny that ai is an apparatus of tech capitalism and is being weaponized against you the consumer you're delusional#the fact that SO many tumblr lefists are ready to defend ai while talking about smashing the surveillance state is baffling to me#and their defense is always “well i don't engage in systems that would make me vulnerable to ai so if you own an apple phone that's on you”#you aren't a communist you're just self-centered
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Tossing a Colorado Miku into the mix
#i figured i’d jump in on this trend and represent my home state#i’m actually really proud of it#hatsune miku#miku fanart#my art#regional miku#vocaloid miku#digital art#big waterbottle covered in stickers? check#water pouch hiking backpack? check#chacos? check#kt tape? check#obligatory weed reference? check#colorado
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this guy…
#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#haikaveh#genshin impact#starting to think the amt of sleepy haikavehs in my catalogue is reflecting my mental state when doodling them (i need a nap)#or that i just particularly like this flavor of them where they’re relearning how to be comfortable around each other in their shared home#we will go with the latter
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how do transmascs not want to kill themselves all the time honestly
#i experience transphobia and hardship in my daily life#and then i go home and go on my computer and learn that i dont experience any of that actually#im just pretending. and i shouldnt talk about it because im just a fake trans#who wishes his experiences could even measure up to a crumb of what real trans people (women) have to go through#ok cool.#testosterone is a controlled substance did you know that. my state is actively making it harder for people my age to access hrt#but i guess since im transmasc i dont actually have to worry about any of that! im fine!#i didnt have a 3 month time limit before it would be illegal for me to access hrt! im transmasc im too privileged to worry about that!#transphobia#transandrophobia
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Hands down one of my worst experiences in high school was when the seniors decided to extort the entire school by using tactics that were banned by the UN to get them to pay for the senior party! If that sounds like a wild sentiment stay tuned because this shit got crazy.
I was living in Arizona at the time and I was a freshman. Our campus was largely open air, with walks between class room buildings and some covered outdoor tables. Our event began with a morning announcement. The seniors were collecting donations for the senior party, and when they reached their goal, their fundraising method would stop.
Their fundraising method:
To pipe the entire schools speakers with "If You're Happy and You Know It" on loop. To this day, I cannot hear this song without experiencing a degree of rage and madness that is frankly alarming. One of the worst parts of the entire thing was that the recording they chose had the female singer do a little clap and say "Yay-ha-hey," at the end. So it wasn't just the song, it was this awful little cooldown stinger at the end.
If this sounds a lot like psychological torture you'd be extremely correct! This practice has been banned in some countries, but the good old US hasn't ruled it a human rights violation, and what a fun silly way to raise money, that definitely wasn't damaging to adolescent psyches!
Every morning for 15 minutes before school began, every passing period, every lunch, and after school for another 15 minutes they blasted that fucking song on unceasing repeat through every speaker in the school. Everyone found different ways of coping with this and mine was to observe my classmates descent into madness and categorize the stages.
The first stage was almost completely consistent, and it was a smug almost exasperated eye rolling phase. Often accompanied by derisive comments about the song or the tactic, this phase was extremely mildly annoyed. Most people figured it would blow over soon, and no one anticipated this continuing for a week and a half, creating a miasma of fraught tension.
The second phase was elevated annoyance, starting to snap and be less amused characterized this level of irritation. People would try to cover their ears or put on headphones, humming aggressively to block out the syrupy repulsive children's performer with her loathsome little clap. This phase had people picking their absolute least favorite part of the song. Her inflection on certain words, her timing between verses. I think it's pretty clear already which part I hated most.
The next phase was a bounce back out to absurdity. It became funny how annoying it was and people would sing along as if to challenge the song's authority over their psyche. This paired exceptionally poorly with people in phase two as they'd often lash out at the people giving more voice to their hell.
The fourth phase was a dead-eyed madness. People would stare straight ahead and their lips would silently mouth the familiar words. The song had pounded its way into their very soul and was inextricably linked to auditory output. They often didn't even realize if they began chanting along.
The fifth and final phase was pure uncut pubescent rage. Kids would scream, attack each other, and in a truly epic end to the event hurl a cafeteria chair with such force at the speaker in the cafeteria to irreparably damage the sound system.
The seniors got funding for a party, but some of it had to go to repair the damages, which were substantial.
#ramblies#funny#ffs foibles#high school#when I transferred back to my home state they tried something similar with the song “Blue”. The teachers were threatening to walk by lunch#I'm honestly astonished that none of the teachers rebelled in arizona? It had to be just as bad for them and it played in classrooms
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northern lights on edisto island, sc. october 2024
#oh my god!!!!!!!!!#never would i have thought i would see northern lights in my home state :’)#northern lights#my photography#space
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Apologies, I’m justifiably livid and will be for… who knows how long.
Before I can find a way to put that to good use, here’s an equally angry sketch.
Rage against the dying of the light.
#sketchbook#work in progress#traditional art#common loon#Gavia immer#avian#wings#yes it’s been a week and the rage will burn on#feels like I’ve been gaslit my whole life about human nature in this country#there aren’t words I can reasonably share but use your imagination#anyway don’t forget to punch a fascist#since we are incapable of learning from ANYTHING#my home state will forever be dead to me so I’m grateful to live in MN#good luck out there we gotta show up for each other#throws democracy in trash because I guess we weren’t wanting it? the fuck?#don’t tell me to stay calm rage is my element#magats get fucked my art isn’t for you
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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“If you dont like it, move” how fuckin dare you tell me to abandon my home because fascists. I love my home and I will make it better. I do not want to leave my home. I will not abandon it until it is very blatantly apparent to me that my options are to leave or to be killed and even then I’ll probably stay and do my damn best to fight back anyways. I don’t want to leave my home, this is a place I love full of people I love. Do not ever tell me to ‘simply’ leave it.
#chaoticbuggybitchboy#rant#us politics#ant activated#setting aside that it’s generally unrealistic for most people (myself included) to just move to another country or state bc of politics#I don’t think you should ever tell anyone they should leave their home#genuinely I love my hometown I love my home state etc etc#I love living here and I love all the other people who live here#I love the desert I love the culture and I love literally so much about my HOME#I LIVE HERE !!!! I have done so!! my whole life!!!#how dare you tell me to throw all of it away and go somewhere cold with a fuck ton of strangers !!!#even if I had the money!!! I wouldn’t!!!!! because I like it here!!!!!
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paradise
(INSPIRED DIRECTLY FROM THIS ITS COOL)
#THANKS MY BRAIN WOIMS#so funny . so story about how this happened#i stayed up until 2 am last night no one will guess what i was doing until then#and then woke up went to work came home and in a complete fugue state banged this entire thing out in two hours#(standing in the middle of my room covered in blood) .. ok. im good now. i think im good now. alright. goodbye#padabana#blsmp#balloon smp#animatic#my art#the animatic monster rears its head once again. ominously crunches on some ritz#... i think roughanimator is using splines for camera movement now instead of linear interpolation and if i cant control that its#a downgrade i do not want eased camera unless i say so :/ but.. then again... manually 'splining' that camera is a pain...#whateva#YAAAAYYYYY YOU WON!!!!!!! isnt it nice to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#yeehaws#poll#hyperspecific poll#in case you’re curious the youtube video i’m in is stars and stripes forever with 94 piccolos 😭 i was one of the piccolos#also my home state has a legal limit for the amount of sex toys you can own and i am currently at that limit. lol#and i can play 7 instruments not counting auxiliaries 😸
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sos month day 26: undercover / arranged marriage
based off of the tv show the americans which you should all watch btw
#my art#sasosaku#sakura haruno#sasori#sasosaku month 2024#tw blood#this is arranged marriage if you squint#the great part about the show is that theyre pretend married but they dont love each other theyre literally just coworkers with benefits#even had two kids to blend in better. who think their parents just work at a travel agency#and they love their kids it's so sweet :(#and it's set in the 80s <3#the man wants them to defect to protect the family they built but the woman is a hardline loyalist#who'd never betray her home country#they have to balance the line between being state assets constantly in danger and growing closer as a couple#but bc theyre both in on it together from the start its a way better premise#this is what i thought flopxfamily was going to be about imagine my disappointment#the only other het ship i was actually invested in please give it a watch
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