#then the entire concept is worthless

[johnsspacesuittight]

okay hold on wait wait wait, you're telling me Angel can go evil from happiness inducing drugs????? but the effect goes away? that's the most insane lore addition I have ever- bro.... that cannot be how this goes lmaooo, god I love it when shows like this start taking their magic concepts too literal and it ends up with something fucking insane

[delusionalinsecurewreckpiningphd]

exhibition concept: creative projects that are half way abandoned for whatever reasons

[meanbossart]

Is DU drow like....traumatized at all? Or is he one of those rare people who are so just adaptable that they don't internalize trauma? He's been through a lot in his young life!

Huh! I gotta admit that this is a surprising, but very interesting question to get. So, lets take a moment to look at the worst of what this clown has to offer WRT to his behavior/belief system:

-Obsessed with being the strongest, most impressive thing in the room at all times and feels threatened when someone is larger or seems more confident in themselves than him. -Has two singular friends (one whom he's bound to mate with until death dating) and is utterly convinced that everyone else in the world is worthless and nothing but a brief source of entertainment or trouble. -Thinks of himself as the sole protector of said friend's lives, and would hold himself entirely responsible for any bad fate that befell them, even if it had resulted from a choice they made on their own. -This also sometimes results in him accidentally belittling or minimizing their accomplishments/capabilities. -Defaults to categorizing people as either a) a threat or b) too weak/pathetic to worry about. -Would be incapable of articulating and working through his own negative emotions without the help insistence of his partner. -Willing to put himself in harms way at any time. -Utterly incurious, if not avoidant, about his own past and previous life, while simultaneously insisting that he's unbothered by and not at all responsible for the atrocities committed then. -Terrified of the very concept of being - and expressing - fear. -Believes that if he ever appears anything but capable and confident, or fails to provide protection or resources to his friend and partner, they will (rightfully so) leave him. -Hates help. Don't help him. -Hates being pitied. Don't feel bad for him. -Believes that his sole purpose in life is providing for his partner and puts himself in harm's way for them constantly, even if it goes against their wishes. -Is resigned to the idea that when Astarion dies, so will he, and thinks this makes him a loyal partner.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Some of these characteristics/beliefs are misguided biases. Some are consequence from terrifying, life-altering events of loss, hopelessness and helplessness. Some are quite literally just coping mechanisms and others are just him being arrogant because he realizes that he looks impressive in a mirror. I won't attempt to draw the line between which is which, I don't think you can.

But my point is, is that sometimes trauma response looks like anxiety, fear, tears, and emotional vulnerability, other times it can just make you a rather unlikable, though hopefully not totally irredeemable person.

[mortal-song]

the problem with tua's ending is that it was IMPOSSIBLE to do without retconning and defacing the themes and characterizations that have been central to the story since the very first episode. if you had to end it that way, if it really was "the plan all along," then fine. there ARE good ways to do that -- so the execution should have been much different here if that was the case. take a look at "the good place," for example. everyone ceased to exist at the end of that story as well, but it was beautifully done because it ADDED to the show's core themes rather than take away from them. tua's ending was hollow and unavailing. at some point i have to commend the precision with which someone can desecrate an entire series and certain characters (looking at five, diego and lila especially) like this.

it made no sense. diego and lila formed a beautiful (albeit chaotic) relationship built upon mutual trust and authentic love that neither of them had ever experienced before. it was something they were teaching each other and learning together. that was a new beginning to them, and it was painted as such by the narrative. at no point were there hints that things would go sideways, no build up. every time they stumbled in the past it was still right back into each other's arms. at no point did their chaos look like an ending until it was shoved in our faces for... shock value? to shake things up? i fail to understand where it came from. they were relentlessly devoted to each other and the only two people who could stand each other for long. and so what became of them was very jarring. very messy.

five's ENTIRE character has been focused on and motivated by one thing: saving the people he loves. to the point that he was willing to let his own humanity become a forgone ideal, a renounced concept, as many times as it took. to the point that he essentially INVENTED TIME TRAVEL and INVENTED THE COMMISSION TO REGULATE IT. five's stoic exterior only barely concealed the claw-grip he had on every single family member, so why forget it now? why choose to go back on that? and in what world would five hargreeves willingly wait MONTHS to return to his family? because he was SUDDENLY in love with lila, no less? forgetting the very apparent fact that his age and body are not in alignment, five had never shown any interest in romance. especially not towards lila. but they do have very similar backgrounds, and so this was a chance to enrich the mutual understanding five and lila have with each other, expand the familial connections they have, especially seeing as how both of them -- in their own ways -- spent most of their life without that sort of connection.

ben's entire arc felt so, so out of place. completely and very ironically isolated from the entire rest of the series. nothing about it was fulfilling, nothing about it offered any sense of closure or even development. jennifer made no sense even as a plot device, much less as her own character. these two brought out nothing in each other.

klaus had the foundations of a good arc, but too much was introduced in too small an amount of time and none of it really went anywhere. i can say roughly the same for allison and viktor. THAT being said, of most of the scenes i did find myself genuinely enjoying this season, THOSE three were usually at the center! in fact, i really did love the scenes with klaus, allison, and claire. so that's cool. i guess. luther? he was just kind of... there?

and ray just fucked off with no explanation? okay. and reginald? until this point he had all the qualities of a potentially VERY GOOD and nuanced villain. his arc fell flat. and let's not forget all the other loose ends, but, you know, we've been here long enough. so. onto the next point.

none of these characters got to heal. none of them ever got to revel in anything meaningful, or, rather, the things that WERE meaningful across the whole series were rendered worthless because... none of it exists anymore! none of it ever existed! this is like an "it was all a dream" ending but much worse. and these characters are so, so incredible. i can only name a few other stories that have had characters i've connected to this deeply. and despite everything i could never really stop loving them. that makes it hurt more though tbh

anyways. i know i'm about to sound incredibly dramatic but the ending made me sob my lungs out. this show was really important to me. it led me to incredible people, other incredible stories, helped me live, etc. but i honestly found myself wishing i'd just never watched this series at all. the ending was eviscerating and Just Fucking Pointless. i don't think i'm ever going to be able to rewatch it. it's still hard for me to conceptualize that it was even real, that this is all we get. there's a lot more i could say about everything, but again, i've said a lot already and i'm not trying to write a fucking novel. i'll say more of what i want to in sporadic bursts i guess.

[winterrrnight]

new beginnings

navigation

pairing: stepdad!soft!rafe x mom!reader

detailed summary: You weren’t living such a great life. Your husband had turned his back towards you and was drowned in his addiction to drugs, not giving any mind to what’s happening in the world around him. You knew you couldn’t stay with him, and let him continue ruining your life. So at the next moment you get, you free yourself from him and get a divorce, finally having a chance to breathe.

You were now alone with your toddler, and you knew you had to give her a life which seems perfect even without her father. She became your best friend, your whole world, your favorite person ever. Sage was a spitting image of you, a little enthusiastic kid but very clear at heart.

As much as you tried, you always felt the lack of another parent in Sage’s life. Even though she never showed it, a big smile always on her face as she was always playing around your house, you knew it was best she had two loving parents. But you were so busy with your job, and taking care of her, you never had a chance to go out on your own.

But then, almost like a hurricane, Rafe Cameron walked into your life. He occupied your mind like nothing else, and as you saw Sage loving his company more and more, you fell more for him, and he was very lovingly married into your family.

You never knew love can come knocking down your door at such odd times, when you had your child and no one seemed to take interest in you. But Rafe did. He loved you both with his entire heart, and changed your entire perspective on love.

This is the story of finding comfort and love when it seems the world has stopped spinning, when you feel you’re worthless, and you start to limit your own experiences. It’s about letting your door open for someone at a stage in life when it’s all too risky. It’s about trust, and letting yourself free from the chains you’ve so hurtfully wound yourself in.

SERIES CHAPTERS:

and so we meet - chapter 1

here we are again - chapter 2

familiar yet unrecognizable faces - chapter 3

the blue in your eyes - chapter 4

ONESHOTS:

BLURBS:

CONCEPTS:

HEADCANONS:

content warnings: as this is a wip, there isn't much to tell. but, I can assure it won't have any NSFW content in it, or any other dark themes. it may bring up drug addiction, but appropriate warnings will always specified at the start of each part so you can avoid what you don't want to read!

update: the series is now also being posted on wattpad! check it out here and follow me at _starkeyfilms if you feel like! <3

taglist: @runningfrom2am @saccharinesammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams @tahliac11 @sadfury @newsies-pape-girl @jamesbuckybarneswify @xxxlaura @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @callsignwidow @starkowswife @rafeinterlude @rylie-m @zulema222 @karmasloverrr @leixwhite02 @congratsloserr @rubixgsworld @dilvcv @fandom-life-12 @drewstarkeyswifehoe @jjchaer @f4ll-for-you @fishingirl12 @wearemadeofstardust0 @drewsmusee @stvrligghtt @rafegirly @leighbronk @addriaenne @rafesdrew @bejeweledreverie @crgirlsworld @valenftcrush @lillywildly @julovesurmom @raf3sgff @drewstarkey1bae @aerangi @moneymaybank @spideysimpossiblegirl @the-tortured-poets-depxrtment @mellyie

please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!

edith speaks: oh my god! this idea is absolutely thriving in my docs and I knew it had to be so much more than just a fic so here it is!! I hope you all really enjoy reading this :) please keep on interacting with me through my asks, discussing headcanons about the fic, and any little thoughts you may have! it's my absolute favourite thing ever to talk about fics <3 you can always talk to me as an anon (I accept anon emojis!) or just as you want! 🤍

[hana-no-seiiki]

I saw that you need ideas, so how about a yandere from the Neons? I mean, I would like to see more content from them since they represent the elements in Honkai star rail, by the way, sorry if you don't understand, my English is bad... I leave you a little drawing of a masculine makima (it has nothing to do with it, but as a gift ) xd Also, I don't know if I'm the only one, but Nanook makes me handsome >///<

(Sorry, I had already finished it but the work was stained hahaha and I did it again)

Yus the Aeons are so cool looking!! You really feel like they’re actual gods of the universe, especially since you don’t see them first hand (at least for now). Also Masculine Makima reminds me of Karma Akabane lol. I’ll draw it in my style, and add it here as an extra for you ♥️

Hb we mash those two topics up together actually?

warnings: mild yandere themes. mild spoilers for csm. major canon divergence. reader takes the shape of a masc/amab character but it isnt their original form.

status: unedited. updated art.

YANDERE! AEONS + VARIOUS! HSR x AEON OF FEAR/CONTROL! READER

You have no memory of your conception, only that you started existing for what felt like an eternity.

You represented fear and despair, but unlike IX whose mere presence drove humanity into insanity, or the rest of your fellow aeon’s godlike status amongst the world,

you walked around as a normal, ordinary human being.

As normal as an Aeon can get anyways.

In your current lifetime, you took the shape of Himeko’s “brother”, planting fake memories into her mind and being the one that urged her to travel the stars. While she was the navigator, you took the role of conductor before creating Pompom to supplant you.

Welt always knew you weren’t just a regular person. Your eyes always felt distant, so far off that not even a century’s worth of trail blazing would allow him to come close. As such he mostly kept cordial relations with you.

The youngsters of the bunch on the other hand, never seemed to realize the sheer magnanimity of the danger you held and always hung around you.

Particularly that Caelus. The newest addition to the crew. The stellaron within him always pulsed in some sort of giddiness and excitement whenever you were around. The boy couldn’t help but be a nervous wreck when he was around you. Stuttering and stumbling was a common occurrence whenever you so decide as to just breathe at his direction.

You knew what those Stellarons are, their nature, their purpose, the way they were created. In fact if you wanted to, you could have taken the Astral Express straight to the source of it all, your partner: Nanook.

However that would have ruined the fun of it all. So you chose to let them have their little adventures before the final confrontation.

Also because you signed a contract to not meddle with Nanook’s business in exchange for your freedom. But that was another story to tell.

“Why . . . why do you continue this farce? This utterly worthless play?”

IX’s voice rang within your ears and no one else’s. You were the only being it ever gave the time of day to. You imagine it to be the reason why insanity slowly built itself within the recesses of your head.

“You may see the entire universe as worthless . . . but I,” You breath hitched. You looked around your room. Time was frozen. Everything turned grey. You weren’t afraid of the others in the express hearing you, just that the following words you were about to spout out felt like bile on your mouth. “I suppose I’m still a bit like them in a way. I wish to see the world without its evils.”

“And destroying them. That is my first step.” You summon an orb of golden light. Stellarons. The creation of the very thing that made you loath all evil. Including yourself. You will eradicate these and then Nanook yourself. One day.

“Is that why you send those hunters out?”

“Perhaps.” The orb within your hands get covered in chains, quickly getting crushed within the metal like substance as it soon disappeared.

“Do as you wish. Just do not bother me like that imbecile.”

“I promise. I will be much worse than Yaoshi.”

IX remained silent for several seconds, no doubt regretting its decision of associating with you before adding, “. . . And do not die.”

“That one I cannot guarantee.”

Your room’s color returns, time continues. Signaling the end of two Aeons’ encounter.

Nanook, the Aeon that threatened to eradicate all that you love. All so they could have your soul once more. Within your gilded cage. Within your original body that lied dormant.

The Destruction will no longer be a path. That is a guarantee you write upon the stars when your Trail Blazing lifetime eventually comes to a close.

The stage is set, your actors ready.

All you needed was the cue.

Your gloved hand arose, pointing towards the express’s windows in the shape of a gun.

“Bang.”

[furiousgoldfish]

When you're a child of an abusive parent, you experience rejection, shame, guilt, and the pain of 'not being good enough', almost on a daily basis. Your parents make it clear they're not proud of you; they want to change everything on you, you're not what they wanted to have as a part of their family, they're ready to leave you on the street any second if they could. Sometimes they'll even threaten it directly, making it clear they're willing and eager for it.

This is a complete emotional abandonment, because not only they don't care about your experience of life and safety, but they wouldn't care what kind of fear, pain and danger you'd be exposed to if you were homeless. And children can feel that, they know their own parents are rejecting them, finding them of zero value, worthless and unwanted. This causes an existential rift in children because our biology is based on our parents accepting us, caring for us, protecting us, caring about our emotions and everything that happens to us, and this is where we draw our feeling of value, and feeling of care for ourselves; we need to be taught this trough experiences of being protected and loved. When parents decide to abandon all parental instincts and instead treat you like a stranger who's intruding in their home and should be paying to stay there, the entire concept falls apart.

This makes children feel like they have no value, because if their own parents don't want them, like them, or care for them, who else could? We're born into the world where we're told that all parents love their children, even if the children become bad, that the instinct to love your own child is so strong that everything else falls behind, but then our parents see our every feature as a reason to not love us, to abandon us. All a child can do at this point is to assume they're so bad, so intrinsically worthless, horrible and intolerable, that they cannot be loved. And from everything they've seen and experienced in this world, this checks out. If all parents love their children, no matter how bad, there must be something horrifyingly wrong with us if our parents don't do that. 

I remember feeling that if even my parents won't love me, then nobody will. If they don't want me, I must be worthless, I must be redundant, an excess that this world never wanted. I felt that I had no place in this world, because nobody could possibly want me. It didn't make sense to even be alive; nothing made sense, why I was born made no sense.

Once you're in that hopeless place where nothing makes sense, it's incredibly hard to pull yourself out of that. Because no, there's layers and layers of lies this had been built on, there's no human being who doesn't deserve the parental love, who is intrinsically worthless or unlovable. There is nobody whose life is without sense, who has no space on this earth. Because as soon as we're born, we have our life, and then the right to exist belongs to us, the right to lead our life the way we want to, belongs to us. We're just being consistently told that this is not the case; that our job is meeting expectations, that if our parents don't love us, it's to do with us, and nothing could possibly be blamed on them, we're being told that our parents want the best for us even when it's a complete lie. We're told that 'feeling unlovable' is our own problem and not the consequence of years of abuse and neglect.

It's not acknowledged how devastating it is that people who have to deal with those heavy feelings are children, who are so young, and so blameless for the lack of love and care they receive from their family. That living in a place where your own blood, your own family displays hatred for you, is devastating on children's self perception and self worth, and it makes them experience a reality where the whole world hates them, where future doesn't exist for them, where they're without value and not even allowed to have a point of view. An adult would become crushed and struggle to survive under such circumstances, it's sick to force it on the children. It's only normal to keep struggling with this for a long time after being exposed to it during your upbringing. This is a type of torture and no child deserved that. It comes with consequences and nobody will even acknowledge it.

I would love to offer advice on how to stop feeling like your value is non-existent, but the way I dealt with it seems to just be the dissociative disorder, that entire trauma is contained in one alter so I don't have to feel it. Once I was removed from that emotional pain, I was able to recognize that my life belongs to me, and I decide what I'm worth, and what my sense in life will be. I get to make my own rules, my own standards for what is valuable, what traits I will hold in high esteem, what I will like, support and appreciate, both in myself and others. I was able to want to protect my life regardless of what my family says should happen to it, because the control of my life should always belong to me, and no other should get a say. This is mine, it will be mine until my last breath. If they gave me life with a concrete plan on how I should accommodate their lives and make it easier for them, they should have thought to buy a robot instead; you don't decide on a life of a person. I owe nothing to a creator who made a plan for me to suffer; I get to feel disdain and disgust towards any person who brought a life to a place of suffering and pain. It's inhumane, irresponsible, selfish, horrifically neglectful and shows no regard for human life. It's incompatible with any kind of a happy life. I get to look down on them. They did wrong and I am suffering the consequences. My life should have been mine from day one. They should have been looking for ways to support me to live it the way I want to. It was their one job.

[sophieinwonderland]

Catarina Claes and Low Self-Esteem - A Ramble

Here's a draft I was saving for after I wrote my Plurality of Catarina Claes post, but I haven't done that and don't feel like it, so I'm posting this anyway...

I was thinking about Catarina while scrolling through the Crunchyroll comments describing her as denser than a black hole, which while funny the first time, and the second, starts to wear on you by the hundredth.

I mean, I get a community having running jokes, but I'm talking literally every episode has at least one person saying this, and sometimes multiple.

The thing about these comments is... they're not wrong. Catarina can be really dense and oblivious. It's one of her defining character traits. Everyone knows it...

But... I think there's more to it than this where it concerns her love interests.

Catarina, in my opinion, doesn't recognize that people love her because she sees herself as unlovable.

Putting Ourselves In Catarina's Shoes

Imagine for a moment that you've always been the strange girl at school.

You have one close friend. You've never had a romantic partner. You're a disappointment to your parents who see you as just some lazy girl. And then, at 17, you die completely unaccomplished. A failure.

You get a new life though. You're reborn with no memory of who you used to be.

And the person you are now... is a brat. A spoiled rich brat who hurts everyone around her. Then you get hit on the head and have memories from your last life flood your brain.

Now there are two very different lives in your head, but there are common themes in them.

In both, you have a mom who puts you down at every turn. In both, you haven't really known love before.

And on top of all of that, you realize that your new life is as a villain. A rival who is supposed to compete with the heroine for a man who doesn't love her. Someone who only agreed to be engaged with her to avoid other offers.

This is your destiny.

And it confirms everything terrible your parents told you about who you are across two lives.

By the time she enrolls in the magic academy, she's had over 30 years to internalize her sense of worthlessness, and nearly a decade to internalize her destiny as a villain who exists only to be a rival in someone else's story.

Catarina Isn't Just Oblivious. She's In Denial.

She's built an entire self-concept around being the unlovable villainess that she literally cannot fathom anyone having genuine romantic feelings for her.

Even while she loves her friends (platonically), she's still convinced through the series that they're going to kill or exile her in the end.

No matter how many times people drop hints or even outright tell Catarina they love her, she can't accept that.

All in all, I feel dismissing Catarina's obliviousness as her just being dense (which again, she is) does a disservice to the character.

[traumaboyexo]

CIRCLES UPON CIRCLES: LONESOME GLOW

[[No idea what the exact story or plan is for Loop in the @circlesuponcircles AU, but I really liked the idea of Loop being trapped in the Orrery room and I wanted to do something for it. It's a little short but I hope you like it.]]

You push the smallest ball on the strange sculpture once again. The entire figure spins once again. You watch as it goes round and round once again.

Round and round and round.

You've been doing this for the past few hours. At least you think it's been a few hours. It could only have been a few minutes. You can barely tell anymore.

You watch as the figure of orbs slowly comes down to a stop, motionless, silent.

You flick the smallest ball once more.

For a moment, you consider kicking the entire thing over in rage. You consider throwing it against the wall and watching it shatter into a a small pile of debris, letting the orbs aimlessly roll around the floor.

It'd be far more entertaining that whatever has happened so far. It'd be new.

You want to scream.

Alone. You don't remember how long you've been alone but it's been very, very long. Not another voice than your own. Not another sound than the ones you make.

You almost heard their voices once, in the midst of your madness. You thought you were there, with you. That for a moment, you weren't alone.

It's sickening. It's disgusting. It's horrifying.

It just needed to be on the other side. The question that you could answer. To open this door. Why couldn't it have been inside? Why was this prison made?! Why are you even here?!

You so hopelessly wish to bash your head against the door until one of them breaks apart and crumbles. To know that no matter which outcome occurs, it'll all be over for you.

You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out.

...you take a deep breath.

It doesn't help anymore. But you can act like it does. For the sake of yourself.

You get off the floor and walk towards the stupid novel. You've practically memorised most of the story at this point. You could almost read it by heart by now.

The person creates another them. They finally have somebody to talk to. They get into a heated fight. They separate and betray each other. Then they cry become friends again.

Reading it nearly makes you wish to see them again. Your other half. They must be outside now. Having fun. Spending time with their family. Maybe he'll let you out if you knew you were here! Maybe he'll be able to read the words.

How many times have you told yourself hope wasn't healthy. That the more you continue to wish, the more they won't come true. Just the same pain and despair and agony and vile feelings.

You look towards the walls. Once, you had hoped the scrolls in this room would hold an answer to escape. Maps of the stars, every single one. And so you plastered them across like posters, aligning and arranging every single one. Praying, wishing, hoping.

Nothing. Not a clue. Not a sign. Not the answer. Almost like a cruel joke.

And so you tore into them, scratching them like a wild animal and throwing them off the walls.

And then, soon after that, you looked towards the books on shelf. Every single of them was worthless, books from every topic, from various studies on the stars and planets, the concepts of infinity, mathematics, a textbook on pure physics. Useless, useless, useless. Not a single sentence or word even explained your situation.

And so you brought the entire shelf down. Toppling over and breaking as soon as it hit the floor.

Would it have been worse if it had been fully frozen in time? Your efforts to break it, made futile and meaningless?

You don't even want to comprehend it.

You just want to cry.

You slowly drag yourself over to the door, and slump down with your back against it.

You begin to break down into tears. Why did this happen to you? Why would the Universe forsake you in this manner? Was this your part to play in this sick world? Was this your fate, your destiny determined?

What a shitty role to be cast into.

...footsteps. Voices. From behind the door.

...it couldn't be. And yet it was.

It was them. It had to be.

But they wouldn't be able to open the door. There was no point. It was hopeless, after all.

...but maybe there's something you could after all. The very thing you're meant to do, that you promised to do.

Perk up, little star.

It's showtime.

[great-and-small]

I know it is not meant with any ill-intent but it does suck to advocate for unpopular animals and get remarks such as this so often. I truly feel that this kind of comment is a good example of how limited many peoples understanding of the conservation movement is today. There is so much focus on the big, charismatic, “important” animal species that people who aren’t educated in biology may struggle to understand why anyone would bother with the less popular or seemingly inconsequential organisms (though truly there is no such thing). It’s not about “we’ll spend x amount of money and then this animal will be saved, we can’t afford to spend any on that other species”, it’s about endeavoring to understand and preserve entire ecosystems as much as possible. It is human hubris to assume that any animal, no matter how small, is worthless or undeserving of our attention.

I understand the popsci necessity of using charismatic animals to get people excited about conservation, but I think it may leave many laymen a little lacking on the concept of biodiversity as a whole 😢

[chillhi]

no footprints

The concept I had in mind here was how Null perceives himself. I gave him different clothes and hairstyles, hinting at a whole set of features but he doesn’t care for it. His feet are somewhat visible but no prints are made, he’s not walking anywhere either just some white void, not that it matters, the void is familiar anyways

rambling existentialism mention

I love ethereal sort of drawings with null, he gives a lot of room to explore challenging existentialism from his overall role in the game being able to leave but never doing so to his design where he only resembles a person but everything important isn’t visible.

I thought about him leaving, how he didn’t really get to leave on his own terms and his whole purpose for being in the game, didn’t even conclude in him saying goodbye to the player it was the developer. He never had a choice, sure he was in the spotlight but it didn’t matter, he was deemed worthless once the developer didn’t want him around no more. Horrifying everything he worked for was up to someone finding his entire existence entertaining all just a silly little game.

He didn’t want to take part in the game but he became the focal point when people dug around, him being there gave him a motive and just one location to do one thing, what now in the real world? I feel like the events of the game altered him to a degree where he internalized how little power he has over everything going around him. He’s now invisible to whoever came across him once he got out here he’s everyone but no one at once because he never makes an impact for anyone to discern who he is, the same as trying to remember a forgetful face, an amalgamation of features that didn’t matter enough to remember.

I like thinking about the possibility of living as anyone, not in the sense of him having the ability to morph his features but the concept of I can’t nor want to choose what he really looks like but because of the concept of endless mish mash of countless people that could mix up and end up being him, I want to choose being unable to find a fit whole design for him over my wanting of what he could look like. Anyways, just thought it was a cool idea how he acts as an entity that haunts the game but now that he’s out he’s a ghost, more entity than a person, ends up embracing what he was in the game since he’s done it for quite a long time

Wouldn’t it be interesting how he can actually be someone out there and no one would know? How he’d want to keep it that way. Instead of showing up in other games or media he becomes a person. I’d argue that’s one of the worst things he can end up being but there’s a sliver of beauty in thinking about figuring it out and living the way you want to whatever he does I sure do wish him luck, not the only guy living that way after all. Aimlessly living.

Just wanna say how out there it is to try and draw someone I can’t care to remember but still wishing for whoever I do come up with that could resemble someone to find their footing in the world. Not possible it could be null but it’s entertaining to think so

[monstrousaffections1]

Hatchetfield theories. There is one slight detail I have noticed when it comes to the Lib's Witches, specifically a similar theme of Willabella and Grace. It's not a obvious detail bit one noticeable if you think about it. They are the Powerless given Power. Let me explain. Willabella was probably an unmarried, low class, poverty level woman in the 1820s. And if we really wanted to specify, she was probably a Washer Woman. Anyhow, in this period of time, a woman couldn't own property, they had a dowry and anything that was her inheritance, even a linen smock, would belong to her husband. Any legal right she had would be passed to her husband. Basically, the moment she would get married she would lose a lot of her own rights. In this, it was also an unmarried woman may be shunned by the community. Considered a Spinster, perhaps even denied any feasible employment. And Willabella is described as living in a hovel. Probably in the woods and likely isolated from the rest of the community. So she was likely a form of Outcast even before the LIB got involved with her. And now with Grace, yes she is from the modern world and thus has way more rights and stuff. But, she grew up in Purity Culture. Probably a Evangelical Church. She'd have been hearing since she was small, "Now every time you kiss a boy you become like a chewed piece of gum, and who's gonna want that?" and other such metaphors about how worthless she'd be if she doesn't wait for marriage. Not to mention the whole, not allowed to divorce even in abusive marriages. And the concept of consent meaning, not her's, but God's, and after marriage consent wouldn't matter anymore. (I know not all Christians and churches are like this, but I think we can all agree that Grace's church is a bit more of the extreme side of Purity Culture) Both Willabella and Grace come from cultures and environments that puts them at the mercy of the men of their communities, they are essentially either powerless, or thinking they are powerless. One is Indoctrinated, the other literally has no legal rights what so ever. Then the LIB show up and give them access to these magic powers, witchcraft and other such things. And the first thing that these two do, is, in their view. Start hurting the people who have hurt them. Willabella the entire community of Hatchetfield, and Grace, the dirty dudes.

[winxwannabe]

Winx Season 9/Reboot Leaks

Okay here's the tea: earlier today a twitter user by the name of Cataclysm_Power started posting a video they claimed was from the new Winx season/reboot. When pressed for further information, they linked to a telegram chat with what appeared to be assets from Rainbow (17 screenshots/2 videos). After some C-grade internet sleuthing, I am here to give my (worthless and possibly wrong) opinion on which ones I think are real and fake.

A note before we jump in: I'm not posting full images on my blog, because again I do think some of these are real and if the leaker is to be believed, they hacked Rainbow to get them. You can look yourself through the telegram link, or others who've posted them on the Winx Club tag. I also think the leaker themselves is scammy because they've tried charging for Miraculous leaks before. Do NOT give them any money if they ask.

Real: Bloom, Stella, and Icy's asset sheets, Bloom Full Body Pose

A lot of these leaks are 3d modelling assets, and these 3 are the ones I'm totally convinced are real.

The biggest clue of their validity is the bottom banner. All 3 sheets have them, along with the same episode code and notes in Italian. They're all also linked to the same person: Pasqualino Masciulli is Rainbow's 3D modelling supervisor, and has been with the company for at least 9 years. He's done videos on Rainbow's youtube channel as well, using his shortened first name Lino. My main point is that's way too niche for someone to fake just to make some convincing leaks, and it would make sense for the assets to be tied to him.

Likewise, there's a full-body frame post of Bloom with fucking ugliest denim leg warmers credited to a g.riccobono. This is likely Giulio Riccobono, who is listed on Linkedin Italy as a Rainbow employee.

Probably Real: Tecna's asset sheet, Bloom's detailed asset sheet

Both of these are likely real but have weird things about them that make me pause. Bloom's more detailed asset sheet is missing the name, date and episode reference on it, and the notes are in English. Tecna's is missing the bottom banner entirely, and there's some weird cutting around her head that makes it look like someone hastily made a png and stuck it on there.

Unsure: Computer File Tab, MD Concept Photos, Videos

There's a screenshot of a folder with both 2D and 3D assets of all the girls. in the files. I'm not sure if this is from a computer at Rainbow or the hacker's personal folder, so it goes in unsure. I do think most of the assets in it are real - it's low res but the eyes on the 2D sketches are so similar to the ones on Rainbow's newer images of the girls I think they have to be connected.

There are also some full body concept photos for Bloom, Aisha, and Stella. They all look pretty legit (as they're updated version of images we've already seen) but Stella's has other images for 'possible pallets' included. She's the only one with it and the images look like they came from a flash dress-up game, and it gives me pause.

Lastly, the teaser videos of Bloom are probably real based on the outfit, animation and that stupid fucking Bloom shelf being in the background, but I'm placing it in 'unsure' because of the bandicam.com logo burned into the top. If it really came from Rainbow and everything else was downloaded, there was no reason for the hacker to not get the raw file. I think it's real, but I don't know if it came from Rainbow.

Something Ain't Right: Group Shot

What gives me pause in the fully-rendered group shot (even though its shown in the computer file tab) is it shows transformation we haven't seen teased and has a 'Lorem Ipsum' placeholder text. Aisha's hair also looks like it was done with AI - the back of her wings clip through the hair, and parts of it look copy-pasted. I'm stupid, it's the end of her braids. The 'Lorem Ipsum' thing still stands, but I'm re-filing this under 'unsure.'

Probably Fake: Darcy and Damien's asset sheets

I'm showing things from here on out because I'm so convinced it's fake please let me be right. Unlike the other character sheets, the ones for Darcy and 'new character' Damien have no bottom banner, are marked as 'Winx Club Season 9' with an outdated Winx logo, and have notes written completely in English. Darcy's has a bit of 3D modelling, but it's too different from Icy's. Maybe they're super early concepts for Darcy, but Damien...go home, buddy.

You're in the Wrong Place: Rainbow Pants Girl

I'm convinced this girl is from a different show and was saved to the 'Winx Club' folder by accident. Different clothing, hair, and shading. May you end up somewhere better than this reboot, Mystery Girl.

[despazito]

leftism without economic theory is painful to watch like it is nuts that women are now fantasizing of becoming stay at home housewives again as a solution to the current state of “work”. or people imagining utopias where work doesn’t exist at all, im sorry that’s just completely unrealistic regardless of how much we can automate

i think that a deep drive to pursue goals is an intrinsic part of the human condition. we like to work, we feel good when we solve something complicated or finish a task, our brain gives us good chemicals in return. even those of us with disabilities who can struggle to work still want to do something. the issue is how labour gets treated and which labour is rewarded by society.

our current system values antisocial leadership practices that will do anything to improve capital, and creates bullshit jobs nobody likes for the sole purpose of extracting the most capital possible. it’s no surprise people feel alienated from such employment especially if your job is scamming people with a few extra steps. i think the disappearance of family trades run by dedicated craftsmen who owned their own means of production has also hurt. instead it’s been emotionally sterilized through college courses and employment by faceless corporations who kindly let you use their equipment in return for a fraction of your labour’s actual value.

jobs like teaching and nursing are the backbone of society but instead their labour is deemed worthless, so even folks performing these important meaningful roles want to quit because financially the world is telling them to go fuck themselves.

it doesn’t help that the new consumerist class has been groomed to feel entitled to everything and anything, combined with the aggravated political polarization its just a molotov cocktail for any potential social interaction with a stranger to become a nightmare. i don’t blame people who want to lay flat and check out of this environment, but in the long term removing yourself entirely from the labour force and removing yourself physically from everybody you may not like or want to be around won’t fix any of these community problems!!

imagine a society instead where jobs were created out of social need and valued by how they can improve life both physically and spiritually. personally the stuff i wanna do most falls squarely under ‘volunteer’ work in this current system. i’d love to donate my time to wildlife rehab and animal shelters, hell i’d gladly pick up trash from parks all day and clean up the environment if i got a living wage. because i know i’m doing something of value instead of making my boss richer.

there’s a reason women fought so hard for equal opportunities in the work force. we wanted to find societal roles and value beyond those ascribed to us from birth. i’m not gonna let tiktokers girlboss our way back into tradlife!! (not to mention the setup of supporting an entire family on a single income was very much a heterosexual white middle class concept, many poor and nonwhite women couldn’t be stay at home moms even if they wanted to!)

[cheeekycharchar]

"Shame and guilt have followed humanity since Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden."

Good Omens; a story of an Angel that can't accept love because of shame and a Demon that can't accept forgiveness because of guilt.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

An in-depth analysis of an Angel suffering from shame and a Demon wracked with guilt.

Let's dive deeper below the cut!

[Now I'm going to lay down a lot of facts, definitions and minimal psychological babble and I want you, as the reader, to view this through your GO nerd glasses. Also, I want to express that I am not a therapist or religious in any way- this was all done as academic research for the fandom's sake cause I can't shut my brain up. I tried to organize it the best I could. ..sorry it's so long but I swear it's worth the read through! ;)]

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• Shame is the painful emotion you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way. Entirely self imposed and only known to you, shame can be an unpleasant self-conscious feeling often associated with negative self-evaluation. When shame is chronic, it makes you believe that you are fundamentally flawed, defective, dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

• Guilt is a negative feeling of worry or unhappiness that you get because you have done something wrong. It's a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes- accurately or not- that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for it. When guilt is chronic, it can be a toxic emotion that could cause a person to take on unjust responsibility if things around them go wrong. They are quick to accept that everything is their fault even though it isn't.

While guilt is about wrong actions, shame is about being wrong as a person.

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In academic psychology, shame is associated with avoiding failure and its consequences while guilt is connected with forgiving and improving one's self, along with making amends.

Guilt and Shame are often confused for each other but there’s a big difference between the two. Guilt can help you understand how your actions impact others, but shame is an inward-facing emotion that reflects how you feel about yourself. (And I do realize that Aziraphale may, at times, feel guilt and Crowley can also feel a sense of shame. But the main motivation behind majority of their characterizations and actions throughout the series are both coming from these two different feelings.)

Guilt can help you move forward while shame keeps you stuck in the past. [such as the "We could have been.. us." and "You go too fast for me." scenes] And the only way to rid themselves of these negative emotions is through recovery with unconditional love and forgiveness.

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• How Aziraphale represents the concept of shame •

Shame tricks you into believing that you aren't good. That you are worthless. Not that you've done something bad, but that you are bad. Ever since Aziraphale gave away his flaming sword, he started to question himself. But it wasn't until he outright lies to his fellow Angel's about the true fate of Job's children that he truly believes he has fallen- that he violated God's word and lied (again). He believes there must be something truly wrong with who he is as an Angel. He's a flawed creation of God and he feels a dreaded sense of deep shame from this.

Feelings of shame can also present itself in different types such as, Chronic Shame (negative emotions all the time that you aren't good enough), Performance Shame (feeling as though you are inferior compared to others) and Shame from Unrequited Love (this is a feeling of not being good enough for another person T^T).

Shame is a harmful, negative emotion that when internalized enough can result in an overly harsh evaluation of oneself.

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Next, let's take a closer look at what defines shame and how it operates through Aziraphale:

• Being Defensive is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our behavior.

"I don't need you." "And the feeling is mutual!"

• Perfectionism is the unrealistic desire to be perfect and is often a defense against shame. If we’re perfect, no one can criticize us; no one can shame us. We keep up a front that looks good to the world. We may spend a lot of time attending to our dress and looks.

"I do have standards."

• Apologizing constantly. Shame can prompt us to be overly apologetic and compliant.

"I did the 'I was wrong' dance in…"

• Procrastination can occur from a deep hidden shame. If we consider pursuing something and it doesn’t turn out well, we might be paralyzed by that feeling. If we never try, then we don’t have to face possible failure and subsequent shame.

"You go too fast for me, Crowley.."

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Next are the four category behaviors resulting from shame:

• The Hot Response These are things you do when you feel ashamed and defensive, such as lashing out in anger or attacking the other person to deflect attention from yourself.

"I don't even like you!" [always resorts to being defensive in any argument]

• Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal the Shame These behaviors include doing things to make yourself feel small, trying to avoid being the center of attention, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings. Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.

[always awkward and can't speak openly around other Angels]

• Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered This category of shame behaviors might be things like apologizing, crying, or avoiding conflict. People who have a tendency toward being emotional or avoiding conflict may be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.

"Why? What's wrong? I mean.. if there is something wrong.."

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The Impact of Feeling Shame:

• Makes you feel like you are flawed or there is something wrong with you

"I'm like you now. A demon. I'm a fallen angel.." • Can lead to social withdrawal

[spends most of his time in the bookshop alone] • May cause you to become defensive and shame others in return "I'm an angel! And you're a demon!" • May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value

"Well, I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point." • May leave you feeling empty, lonely, or worn out

"But I thought you said it wasn't [lonely]?" • May lead to lowered self-esteem

"I'm.. soft." • May make it harder for you to trust other people

"Obviously, you're lying. You're a demon. That's what you do." • May lead to perfectionism or overachievement to try and counteract your feelings of shame

"If I can just reach the right people and resolve all of this-" "That's not going to happen! How could somebody as clever as you be so stupid!?" • May cause you to engage in people pleasing

"Doing good again, Angel? "Oh, hardly counts. Purely for selfish reasons." • May cause you to avoid talking because you are afraid to say the wrong thing

[trying to explain to Metatron in S1 without revealing too much] • May cause compulsive or excessive behaviors like overworking, excessive cleaning, or having too high of standards in general

[non stop research all day and night to look for the antichrist by himself]

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• How Crowley represents the concept of guilt •

Guilt is what you feel after committing a specified or perceived offence/crime/bad action.  It's typically attached to a feeling you experience when you do something wrong on purpose or accidentally and can regret that action. Guilt can be morally ambiguous.

"Well, maybe there is something to be said for.. shades of grey?" "..Shades of dark grey."

Signs of guilt are unique but these are the most common (again there are many but these I thought related to Crowley the best):

• Low self-esteem

*sighs* "Don't bother..."

• Excessive attempts at reparation [Crowley always trying to secretly help humanity when he can]

• Being unable to meet someone’s gaze

[Covering his eyes not only hides his snake eyes but also his guilty feelings]

• Anxiety "We are fucked!" [and we all know TV!Crowley is 100% more anxiety ridden than Book!Crowley is lol]

• Trouble sleeping [Sleeps too long (100 year nap from book). Or can't get comfortable sleeping (from S1 deleted scene)]

• Depressed mood

"What's even the point.. everything seems.. pointless.."

• Avoidance of people, places, or events linked to the cause of guilt "I'm not going to be joining their team and neither should you!" [doesn't want to return to Heaven or Hell and is "on his own side" to avoid them further] • Shifts in energy levels [can be giddy/jumpy one second to morose/moody the next, etc]

• Emotional outbursts

"I'm just so angry!"

• Appetite changes

[took up drinking alcohol even though its unnatural to]

• Making amends [spends every moment since Eden trying to secretly do good despite the hellish consequences]

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Defense mechanisms against feeling guilty can become an overriding aspect of one's personality. (These are also related to trauma response.)

• Displacement is a defensive tool that may take the form of blaming the victim or taking your feelings out on others.

"You know what you've done. You've disappointed me."

• Projection is sharing the unacceptable feelings/qualities onto others, thereby being less alone with it.

"But that sounds.." "Lonely?"

• Self-harm may be used as an alternative to compensating from one's past transgression. Not just physical self-harm but not allowing yourself to enjoy opportunities or benefits as a result of uncompensated guilty feelings.

[always holding himself back for 6k years from saying what he truly feels and won't allow himself to be with Aziraphale the way he really wants]

• Repression is subconsciously blocking or forgetting harmful/traumatic memories. "Right.. looking at where the furniture isn't.." [doesn't remember his time in Heaven in detail- whether from trauma response or just had his memory wiped]

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Behavioral responses to guilt can be associated with the moral of their character. Feelings of guilt can prompt virtuous behavior.

"You shouldn't test them to destruction.."

People who feel guilty may be more likely to: • Exercise restraint [holds his true feelings back for Aziraphale for centuries]

• Avoid self-indulgence [only really has his car and plants in the end]

• Exhibit less prejudice [is more open and accepting of other's sins - such as helping during the Scottish bodysnatching scenes]

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Guilt can prompt reparatory behaviors (actions to make amends) to help alleviate these negative emotions. People tend to engage in these reparatory behaviors toward the persons they wronged. Some religions theorize that forgiveness of sin (even those committed by accident or ignorance) is exclusively through repentance.

Crowley, being the wily serpent that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden apple of knowledge and subsequently getting her and Adam kicked out of paradise on Earth- and thusly creating the first sin of humanity. Right away, Crowley feels guilt from this.

After all, he was just told to stir up some trouble and had no idea the consequences of his first temptation on the future generations of human existence. Ignorantly doing something considered wrong and getting exiled.. this mistake would forever haunt him. He knows the pain and trauma from unwittingly doing something insignificant and being punished severely for it (such as asking questions or eating an apple) yet he accidentally made the first of God's new creatures "fall" in their own way from Eden. It's because of this guilt that Crowley spends the next 6000 years secretly rebelling against Hell to help humanity in any way he can to redeem himself.

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That's why their first conversation (post Fall from Heaven) on the wall of Eden was SO important to their relationship with each other and themselves.

"Oh, I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing." "It'd be funny if we both got it wrong. If I did the good thing and you did the bad one." "No. No! It wouldn't be funny at all!"

I think the reason Crowley always seems to be one step ahead of Aziraphale (in more ways than one) is because, in a sense, guilt is easier to resolve from than shame.

If you acknowledge your mistake and the person chooses to take the steps to improve and change for the better, then they can recover from those negative feelings. They can work through the guilt by repairing the transgression or learning from it.

Whereas shame can only intensify inwardly and be harder to face because your mind is telling you that you are the bad thing, that you are the mistake. This makes it harder to overcome. And the only way to truly recover from shame is unconditional love and forgiveness- for yourself.

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“Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion, they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land, they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)

And in S2.. we can see they both hold regret for their actions at the end of episode 6. If you look at every choice, ever misstep, every argument and their occasional confusion in understanding one another, you can see how Aziraphale was written with shame as a main part of his personality and Crowley written with guilt.

Two feelings that are often confused for one another but differ slightly in their own ways. The motivation behind every word they utter and every action they make throughout the series is built on the foundation of these two fundamentally negative and often traumatizing feelings.

There is a possibility to recover from shame and guilt and I have a feeling that S3's plot line will be all about recovery.

And that's what the concept of that Second Coming storyline might be all about. The New Testament says, "In Jesus Christ, God took upon Himself the sins of the world and died on the cross to pay mankind's debt" (Rom 6:23). "Those who repent and accept Christ's sacrifice for their sins, will be redeemed by God and thus not guilty before Him. They will be granted eternal life which will take effect after the Second Coming of Christ" (1 Thess 4:13–18).

A second chance. Forgiveness and Recovery from Sin.

And what is the story of Adam and Eve if not about humanity's Original Sin?

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Remember, after all is said and done, the antidote for shame is love, and guilt is cured through forgiveness.

Two things a certain Angel and Demon struggle with accepting from each other but are more than willing to give to one another.

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[…There! I made myself sad again, lol. Thank you for reading this far! Sorry it was crazy long but I really enjoyed putting this all together into semi-comprehensible words (though stupid tumblr made me delete a bunch of pictures I had as examples…). Also, on a final side note- if you are ever experiencing overwhelming shame or guilt in anyway (which can result in depression or worse if not dealt with) please make sure you reach out to someone or seek professional help in some way. Take care, everyone! ^-^]

[raviollies]

I need to vent

Idk if it's just hormones making me have issues or my meds have genuinely started just not being enough but I've been feeling so fucking dogshit the last few days. I just feel like the meds made me not think about the glass where little things that remind me of how much of a pathetic loser I am piled up and today it just overflowed.

I wish I was invited to things. I wish I could go out to places with people. I am so jealous of people on social media that go out to have drinks with their friends or hang out because I just don't have irl friends. I can blame it on the fact that I've moved 6 times, but at what point do I just accept that people or me just don't connect. I have online friends and I treasure them but it doesn't negate that I wish...I had people to go places with. I don't know how to make friends where I am, I try to be friendly and inviting with the coworkers my age which is few but they seem to lose interest in me. I can never hold anyone's attention.

Online I talk to only the same 4 people and that's it, same hurdle. Outside those 4, I can't seem to hold anyone's attention. I try to be welcoming but at a point I think I just have to accept that something about me is just...unwanted.

I always feel like if I don't offer people something then they won't stick around. "If I draw for them" If I "organize this for them" if I "buy this for them". I grovel and beg for others to like me like a circus animal. The concept of being INVITED to something like playing a game feels like a water bottle dangled in front of a parched man in a desert.

So I just try not to think about it , go to work, go home, draw, sleep and repeat.

And so my entire self worth hinges on my work performance and art. I feel worthless if I make mistakes or am behind (through literally no fault of my own) and when my art just...flops. because those things tell me that I'm not good at that either. And if I'm not a good work or a good artist then what's the point. I'm not good at being a person either evidently. Logically I understand that things at work are outside my control or that the value of art isn't determined by stupid little online hearts but that doesn't stop my brain from being unable to connect emotions and logic. I end up crying all the same.

I'm jealous of people who don't care for this. Who can freely post and create art for themselves without waiting for approval like I just did a trick I was taught. Who can do things on their own and aren't crippled by the empty seats beside them. That I didn't get jealous when other people are invited to things wishing I could be too. That could just be happy for others without having that negging feeling of being pathetic.

I often fantasized about getting sick because it would make people pity me and pay attention to me without me needing to grovel like a dog. I feel pathetic begging for scraps of attention from others but if I don't, I get nothing and feel even worse. My choices are to feel like I'm a parasite being annoying and clingy or just staring at a wall in silence with a completely silent phone.

It's just hard to think about the fact that if I died today, my funeral wouldn't even have 5 attendees.