#then it isn't a waste of time
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holding myself down as i go rabid the moment i gain consciousness, too fuckin excited about making things and unable to stop my howling to the stars
#last night i vividly mended scenes together before bed#and while i am nearing the end i had better ideas to glue in the seams or something#time and aged cheese or fine wine or something#if i were writing something serious and not indulgent blonde man bullying than i'd actually plan things out better not on a whim lol#ive... got another chapter ready#looking at maybe just 3 more after lol#as i excitedly pin my garbage to the fridge (my blog)#part of me thinks 'oh no im wasting my time ive been doing this hours all day' and#then the reasonable thought 'but are you having fun?'#then it isn't a waste of time#push aside responsibiliies in this insecurity ramble cuz no one calls me back yet >:(#if i harness the power i will write a book for realsies#make monies bullying ORIGINAL blonde man :3c#well the main protag isn't blonde but he is a pale ass italian just with black hair#and a lot more of a loudmouth/cocky... the kind of guy who gets punched a lot-#vittorio my bastard <3
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I can't express how much the vote blue no matter who and similar types remind me of being in an emotionally abusive relationship. Them and the Democratic party in general.
No disagreement with them is tolerated, and when you get to your breaking point and finally fight back or try to leave, then everything they've ever done is your fault, and you're the abusive one actually, and also if you don't submit than everything will get worse and violence will happen to you and you'll be hurting other people too and you're the one who's terrible.
What I described in the true and specific outline of my time supporting Democrats is a cycle of broken promises and worse treatment escalating over time, with them relying more and more on threats of violence and guilt tripping to try and get me to stay. And for the crime of telling my story and expressing how they've made me feel, Democratic supporters line up to do it all again.
I'm told that I, a single person with a negative net worth and a Tumblr blog, have so much more power than the entire Democratic party that it will be my fault if they lose because my words might resonate with the other people they've repeatedly let down, betrayed, belittled, derided, and blamed for all the bad things that have happened.
Gee, why isn't this a winning strategy for you guys? I guess keep trying what isn't working, because that's all you've done and all I expect from you anymore.
#i'm done taking blame that isn't mine#always and forever#you can try but i assure you you're wasting your time with me
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AUGH I’d love to see more time looping odile if possible,,,,, how do you think she’d like; “devolve” over each of the acts as compared to Siffrin over time :O
ok im gonna be honest i did like portrait edits months ago and just never finished them. so here you go
act 3:
act 5:
#some of them are still missing... I'll edit this post if I finish them as well#isat#isat spoilers#odile loops au#day 108#isat odile#i'm too lazy to individually export them in transparent atm...#tell me if yall ever need it#edit: I FORGOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION#I mean yeah technically the portraits work but I do have Thoughts about this#I just think that throughout the loops odile becomes more. annoyed. and irritated#Like by act 3 fighting isn't really amusing anymore#dying/getting frozen is. ah. welp#But by act 5 she's just speedrunning#Just super irritated. like die already i've got variables to test#act 3 frozen is a momentary rest; the break is nice and she knows she can get back next loop; it's fine. act 5 is ugh seriously#tired. annoyed. unamused. what a waste of time#anyways wait how long has it been since I posted#(sees date of last post) OH. um#sorry guys I've been busy job (internship) hunting#will I post more from now on? No promises <3#Thank you for sticking around nontheless... I appreciate all the stuff yall send in my inbox <3#isat au
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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"
this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?
some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.
take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.
and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.
people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.
that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis
#bird original#see also: the murderbot diaries#murderbot does not like to be touched. murderbot does not like touching other people#physical contact is an unpleasant necessity in emergencies or to feign being human (something murderbot also hates)#at one point murderbot uncomfortably offers a hug to someone it cares for because she's upset and needs one --#and she refuses. because she knows it doesn't really want to; she won't ask it to do something it hates for her benefit#& yet murderbot fic often has it learning that touch ~isn't so bad~ and maybe there are a COUPLE people it likes to cuddle with.#the differences between vash in the original trigun anime and trigun stampede --#tristamp!vash is your woobie who hides his sad and traumatized heart under goofy behavior;#who copes and avoids through silly indulgences#2011!vash ... is not that#2011!vash isn't coping or masking. he feels immense grief yes; he also feels immense joy; the two are inseparable#he pursues joy moment to moment because he knows how fleeting each moment is#he loves people so intensely because he knows that he'll lose them -- so he has no time to waste with them#his grief is real and profound; so is his joy#i find that much more compelling and i feel like that's not a character i'd see in today's media environment#anyway#fandom#trauma#fanfic#throwing a golden apple into the tags with this but fuck it we ball
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They should've been best friends. No, you know what? They WERE best friends.
#wasted potential I believe#I like to think that Aura doesn't really like Bobby at first but he grows on her#especially when Simon starts to take a liking to Bobby#Aura makes fun of him at first but then she's like ok I guess the detective isn't THAT bad#and they end up becoming close friends and have sleepovers all the time WAHHH#ace attorney#aura blackquill#simon blackquill#dual destinies#bobby fulbright
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Compilation of EVERY single time they changed Hobie's filter in the digital version:
Left: Theatrical release Right: Digital release
You might have to click on some of them to get a better look at Hobie, sadly I don't have a video editor that allows me to make better edits than these :')
#This took so long to make lol#cause I had to edit every scene with Hobie from both versions so I could watch them right after one another to compare them#I did this with ALL the scenes he's in also the ones where he's on screen as spider-punk#but they only changed his filters in these scenes so it was a waste of time :')#sidenote: no it wasn't it's never a waste of time to look at hobie I just couldn't use it for my GIFset lol#I also made a bouns one but I'm not allowed to post more than 30 GIFs in one post apparently so I guess I just won't add it then...#but Hobie was basically filterless during all these scenes in the theatrical version#I like that they gave him more different filters in the digital version#the only change I don't like is in the first GIFs#cause like that one post pointed out it looks like they removed his lipstick for some reason#also really wish I had a better video editor so we could get a closer look at Hobie but I did my best with what I had#also slowed some of them down to get a better look at them#been having this idea for a while and now I finally finished it!#which means I can go back to working on my fics now#hopefully lol#also lemme know if there are some other scens you guys want me to make comparisons of#cause I have both versions#the theatrical release isn't the highest quality though so if you know where I can get my hands on a better version lemme know ;)#hobie brown#spider punk#miles morales#spider man#peter b parker#jess drew#miguel o'hara#spider man across the spider verse#across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#atsv#theatrical version
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imma be so real with you I did NOT care for all the cutesy ways they presented Vi and Cait's disbalanced social status in arc 3
#first off the parallel of cait arriving to let vi out of prison. but this time they ~have sex~. IN THE CELL THAT WAS UNJUSTLY HOLDING JINX#bitch why are you invoking THAT REALLY FUCKED UP SCENE right before such a milestone romance scene??? it's not cute??? JINX WAS JUST HERE#then the one thing cait tries to apologize for is MADDIE. GIRL. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MADDIE. WE CARE ABOUT HOW YOU KEPT DEMEANING#AND TORTURING ZAUNITES INCLUDING VI. but that isn't addressed bc vi needs to give her head. speaking of vi#VI WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL YOU ARE IN A PRISON CELL. REMEMBER HOW YOU WASTED 7 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE IN ONE#then the way jinx believes vi should be with cait as an alternative to staying with her simply because she is too fucked up while cait make#vi happy. i am sorry but show me where did jinx see cait makes vi happy. then the show just rolls with that and says ''yeah vi should be#forced to leave jinx behind and choose piltover. this is a happy ending for everyone.''#and finally ''i'm the dirt under your fingernails'' WHAT A DEPRESSING FUCKING FINAL NOTE TO LEAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON.#a zaunite is literal DIRT under a ruling class piltie's fingernails. and it's cute and means they are gonna be together forever. HELLO????#i don't know WHAT that thing is but that thing is NOT MY OTP#arcane liveblog#arcane spoilers#it's like they were planning to write a fucked up tragic romance story. like they were PLANNING to make cait the bad guy. IT IS CRAZY#they weren't let's be clear. but s1 was so deep and yielded to analysis so well. meanwhile if you look any deeper than shallow into s2 you#get interpretations like THIS#''finally a lesbian couple with a happy ending'' YEAH IF YOU IGNORE CLASS. IF YOU IGNORE CLASS BASED OPPRESSION. CMON GUYS WE DESERVE BETTE
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So basically one of Solas' murals
is the Crestwood scene, but with reversed roles. Solas is the rejected one, Mythal is the one who walks away, leaving him alone in what I presume was a glade at night, judging from the environmental sounds and hushed tones we can hear.
And, to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it - it feels like it cheapens the Crestwood scene, repeating an abusive pattern, stripping away the romance and softness of that scene. It's, once again, something Solas already went through with Mythal, not something he shares with Lavellan only. It's Weekes saying yet again that Solas saw Mythal in Lavellan, and that's why he fell in love with her. Not because she was Lavellan, but because she reminded him of Mythal and gave him hope that all elves could return to that "level" of wisdom.
What we learn in this game also ruins the kiss scene on the balcony, where Solas say "You have showed wisdom I have not seen since... since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade."
Most of us believed he meant "Wisdom I have not seen since my ancient days in Elvhenan", but it's basically confirmed at this point that he meant "Wisdom I have not seen since Mythal".
A month ago, someone here mentioned how Weekes had said there was a specific reason why Solas had falled for Lavellan. I never found the interview where they said so, but I saw many believed it had something to do with reincarnation, lost soulmates finding each other again etc., but once again, it's clear what Weekes meant, and it's bad, cheap writing.
They could have written a god finally learning the error of his ways thanks to his love for a mortal - a love completely different from that of who was basically an abuser, a parent-like figure forcing him to take form and serve -, but instead they went for the easy route: a god still loving another god, feeling love for a mortal who reminds him of her, and changing his mind only because his god finally gives him permission to be free.
The mortal who supposedly "changes everything" serves no purpose - she actually tells him "There is no fate but the love we share" after he's been "freed" from his service, which in this context, in this situation, sounds more like a punishment, another yoke, some sort of "I finally got you, you can't run from me anymore".
I don't know what happened to Weekes' writing - either they were forced to make these decisions due to various constraints, or they completely changed their style/ideas during development, because this is not the Solas, this is not the Solavellan romance, we got in DA:I.
#da:tv spoilers#solavellan#dragon age spoilers#MAN#can't believe i wasted brain cells on this game#i'll probably pretend it never existed#and imagine my own canon#because this isn't a love letter#it's a fucking tragedy LOLOLOL#WELP#time to go back to FFXIV#Haurchefant Greystone of House Fortemps would never treat me like this
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I know it shouldn't surprise me, but it's frustrating af to step outside the fandom and read about OFMD's cancellation on more general entertainment sites and see the majority of reactions be along the lines of "oh well it was probably Taika being over it, he always gave me the ick anyway so, whatever," and then often devolving into comments about his personal life, or conspiracy theories that can be disproven if you use your brains for 30 seconds or maybe step outside and touch grass idk idk.
And this isn't me saying "omg how could you dislike Taika" bc truly unless you're being racist or antisemitic (which, let's be real, many are), I don't give a fuck what you think about him.
But the point remains that if you have a show that is all about celebrating queer joy and finding yourself later in life, that has a diverse cast of characters in terms of race, ethnicity, sexuality, and body type, that was WRITTEN by a diverse group of writers, that is receiving praise from critics and fans alike, that from all reports was one of Max's most successful shows despite them doing next to no promotion the first season, that had two successful seasons and the creator is on the record saying he had a plan to tell the entire story in three, and it gets CANCELED.
I don't give a fuck how you feel about Taika, or how you feel about OFMD. You SHOULD be concerned about that. Because your show is next.
And before you come at me with "it's just a show, have you seen what's happening in the world?" Yeah. I fucking have. And the arts matter. They have always mattered. It's how we've shared stories and fostered communities and passed down what's important to us as a society. And they've brought us joy. And I don't know about you, but I think we could all do with a fuckton more joy in our lives.
This is absolutely a huge loss, and unfortunately it's not going to be the last as streaming services continue to go deeper in crisis. If that doesn't concern you, idk, go enjoy yourself watching season 47 of The Bachelor.
#also truly if you're going to come on here and immediately start spouting the very nonsense I described above#kindly get fucked#and then do something productive with your life like calling your representatives or donating or going to a protest#you being a dick to people who are upset isn't going to do anything#your smug self-righteousness isn't going to save the world#the world sucks and people should be allowed to experience joy by watching a show where they feel represented#and anyway if you try it on this post or in my inbox I won't be engaging I'll just be blocking#so you're wasting both of our times#byeeeee!!!#ofmd
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I will never recover from the knowledge that thymoma generally has a very high survival rate, and in most cases that it becomes fatal, the patient has unknowingly lived with the cancer for years. There's a chance that Wilson was sick for half the series and didn't even know it.
#I'm just imagining House looking back at the last few years in horror thinking about the possibility that Wilson had been sick all along#I can see it leading to him feeling like all of their memories are tainted#House definitely blames himself as well even though it was never in his control#I can't imagine how much his already extreme self-hatred was amplified#And he probably looked back at all the mistakes he made and all the fights they had and realizing that -#- while they were having all these fights that now seem so trivial that Wilson was probably sick#They wasted all that time unknowingly with Wilsons cancer slowly progressing as they argued and fought#It makes me want to cry#I'm not a doctor and I know this obviously isn't always the case but from what research I've done this seems the be the standard mostly#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#wilson#housemd#favs#favourites
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Not trying to be rude or anything but you shouldn't use the word 'manic' or 'manic period' etc. unless you actually have manic/depressive episodes because it downplays how severe those disorders can actually be. They're just words but unlearning harmful terminology like that can help destigmatise mental illness and I would hope youi would want to do that.
yeah it's almost like i used those words specifically because i DO understand how severe they are
#ramble#what's that post about how some people only see ideologies and concepts and not human beings#yes we should stop throwing terminology around like nothing but also#that is not the biggest problem neurodivergent people have right now#and also you're asking me to disclose my conditions to strangers so you can decide how i'm allowed to speak#also this isn't the point but i don't know anybody who uses the word 'manic' to describe their symptoms unless they have FELT IT#because it's. so specific and you do not use it unless you know what it means#for me a manic phase doesn't mean just a little energy buzz it feels like i'm on fire#anyway please don't waste your time sending me things like this because i don't like it#go after etsy shops who sell ocd merchandise not people talking about their own struggles
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The Pixies need to be villains in A New Wish just so that Hazel, canonical lover of paperwork and the predictable monotony of places it is done like the DMV (*cough*, autism, *cough*), can have so much fun with them that it makes them have a breakdown because they're not meant to be fun! They're meant to be boredom incarnate! They rob kids of joy, they don't give it to them! Who is this child? What is going on here?
#and cosmo and wanda laugh so hard they explode#hazel isn't even trying to be malicious she just adores following regulations and thorough procedure#her friends are miserable when the pixies are winning but she's having the time of her life#something something the episode could start with her getting insecure#about her unconventional interests and sources of comfort#like paperwork#and worrying that she's wasting her childhood not doing and enjoying more typical kid stuff#but she saves the day with the power of her special interest#anyway i need fanart of hazel reading da rules for fun#while cosmo and wanda stare at her. wanda's jaw is literally on the floor. cosmo is sobbing#fop a new wish#fop anw#hazel wells#fop pixies
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I can finally clear all the pictura stages!!! I'm free!!! 🥳🥳🥳
#lovebrush chronicles#for all time#little painter#img#long post#to everyone who puts coconut and stellaris as supports: thank you......where would I be without you.........#cannot believe how much taunt skills were saving me along with damage reduction#(me immediately racing to check out eden picturas with my newfound wealth)#funniest thing to immediately discover was that alkaid's [REDACTED] CG is the resonance pair for the [REDACTED] CG. hello?#still thinking about how that underwater CG with lars isn't a pictura.........why would you waste that art like that.........
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Hi Joan!!!! Hope you're well, can I ask why you decided to step offline?
It's more fun to be insane in the real world
#i just no longer enjoyed spending much time on any website that isn't my bestie wikipedia#it felt like a constant waste of time. and it was! I've written 3 manuscripts in the past 4 months#asks#glad to check in time to time tho and say hello#but i doubt I'll be on here with any regularity anymore
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Alright, alright, I'm sorry teenage self who swore I would never ship Luffy with anyone because he's Ace-Aro I've been convinced to LawLu but like specifically in a queerplatonic way where if Law isn't also Ace-Aro as well he's decided romance and sex are such a non-priority in his life that he doesn't want them. And it's does confuse outsiders a bit.
If people ask Law how the relationship works he tells them to fuck off.
If they ask Luffy they get a response like "it means when I'm Pirate King (capitalised) he will be pirate king (non-capitalised)" or something else that clearly makes sense to him less so to anyone else.
If they ask the Strawhats it means Law is on Luffy-duty whenever he's around.
If you ask the Heart pirates they're just happy their captain is happy.
#Lawlu#trafalgar law#monkey d. luffy#straw hat pirates#One Piece#Ramblings of the Goddess#It's almost funnier if Law isn't Ace-Aro#and has just decided he doesn't want to waste time on romance and sex#and then ends up in a relationship with Luffy#who you know causes chaos#and gets himself and everyone around him into Situations#but don't worry Law you don't have to worry about sex or romance with him!
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Bruce Springsteen's third album BORN TO RUN as Penguin Classics (inspo): Odilon Redon / Romere Bearden / Max Regot Selling Company / Lewis Hine / Ulpiano Checa / Edgar Degas / Thomas Cole / El Greco
#bruce springsteen#born to run#music edits#i might do some more of his albums if i get the chance this was a fun way to waste time on zoom meetings!#most of these pieces are from the met online gallery#the romere bearden and the el greco are fragments of much larger pieces#i know technically photography isn't really done on penguins classics covers#but those newsboys smoking was just too good#tbh im probably gonna wake up tomorrow and be like damn i could have done a way better job on this... but oh well! send post!#bruce springsteen penguin classics#<- gonna make it a series! send album requests 😘
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