#then i'm saying i've graduated anyway

[feinstone]

Congratulations on graduating! That must be an amazing feeling.

thank youuuu <3

technically i won't be graduating until the end of the year because i finished past the cut off date for my uni's mid-year graduation ceremonies, but i'm happy to have finished regardless.

it's been a really difficult and long process, and i had to delay finishing my degree by 2 years due to a long string of Life Events (Not Fun) that got in the way of me completing the last 2 courses i had left in my degree as of mid-2022, so i'm glad i finally managed to get to the end of a semester without some random bullshit stopping me for the first time in several years lmao.

i dropped out of high school after i got sick, and i thought i was gonna have to drop out of uni too, despite all the work i've put in to pull my life together. it really means a lot to me that i managed to make it through to the end this time, even though it was tough to keep my head above water sometimes.

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[mearcatsreturns]

I have a bookstagram, and I recently followed someone because they posted about the overconsumption issue that most bookish social media seems to have. Today, though, they posted another controversial "opinion": that listening to audiobooks isn't reading, and people who claim to have read a bunch of books that they listened to as audiobooks are lying and/or deluded. Listening to audiobooks, she said, is just consuming books.

I disagreed in a fairly politely worded reply, and I intend to unfollow/block, because I find it unlikely this person will change their mind, especially since I'm far from the only person to point out that this is exclusionary and ableist. But this is tumblr/my house, and now I'm going to be as blunt as I want to be.

I'm a librarian and archivist. So much of the work I and others in my field do focuses on making books and reading more accessible and less exclusionary. It is, in fact, incredibly ableist to negate how important audiobooks are for people who have certain disabilities or challenges, and I would in no universe say they aren’t reading. For that matter, a busy person who only has time for audiobooks and for people who just prefer them--it still counts, as far as I'm concerned.

See, there's a difference between an audiobook and a podcast or long song or radio program. An audiobook is still a book--it was written with a particular narrative structure, and the author plays a defined but limited role (once the book is written, it's written; the author isn't tuning in next episode with comments and corrections based on what listeners said). An audiobook is a book, ergo, listening to one is reading. Using braille is reading, and listening to audiobooks is reading.

The part that has me in full Captain Raymond Holt "apparently that is a trigger for me" mode is that this bookstagrammer called listening to audiobooks consumption. In the context of her other posts about overconsumption as an issue in the bookish community (again, agree, but also...mind your own business), this seems particularly insidious to me. Conflating influencer-driven (and capitalist hellscape) consumption with listening to an audiobook (again, a massive boon for the visually impaired and those with disabilities like ADHD, dyslexia, etc.) is rude at best and dangerously exclusionary at worst. Stop letting comparison be the thief of joy; mind your own business and stop looking at the pages that bother you. Focus on the kindness of leaning towards inclusion, meeting people where they are, and leaving judgment behind.*

*This person also said "feel free to comment if you disagree but please don't be mean or judgmental," as if they hadn't just posted the most ableist and judgmental sludge I've seen today.

tl;dr: don’t be a gatekeeping shithead, mind your own business, and

(gif by matalyn on tenor, couldn't find on tumblr)

[rouge-fauna]

I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.

I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.

Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.

In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.

But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blog anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.

[megumi-fm]

.

[latejulys]

someone just commented on my physical appearance UNPROMPTED????

[muppetminge]

May I ask what do radfems think about men wearing makeup? Or alternative subcultures where makeup is considered androgynous? For example goth and emo come to mind as quite common ones?

(I know you can't speak for everyone, but I've seen you post about makeup before)

i don't really have much opinion on men wearing make-up tbh (much as i don't re any individual women). the mechanisms behind it aren't the same, so it's not really comparable. there's no widespread social push for men to wear make-up, they're not being considered unprofessional or nonformal or underdressed for not wearing it. no one's arguing with a guy that he has to wear make-up for this and that occasion. men aren't being marketed it constantly. you don't have to look far and wide to to find a barefaced man in media (or, indeed, on the street). any obstacles a man might face due to wearing make-up is an entirely different (and here largely irrelevant) conversation (though of course still linked to misogyny + homophobia). in theory degendering make-up would be a positive, though i don't see that happening any time soon - and even then it would have to be achieved by more women actively not wearing make-up, not a handful of guys doing it.

i do think there's a certain disctinction to be made between 'everyday'/natural make-up and alt make-up, but not a giant one. it's still not particularly healty. it's also a misnomer to call make-up androgynous in most (if not all) of these subcultures imo - both the extent and styles differ, and it's still more women wearing it than men. the average emo guy is not spending the same amount of effort on make-up as his female counterpart. natural make-up is definitely worse in this regard, but i still think there's something inherently alienating about covering up your own face near-constantly.

it does discern itself slightly in that alt culture is obviously about rejecting social norms (while beauty culture is about following them), but it's naive to act like beauty culture isn't still influencing alt norms to a big degree. nothing exists in a vacuum. just because you're not following the trends doesn't mean you're not taking the ideas behind them in. alt makeup can still be about covering up 'blemishes', trying to achieve the appearance of a certain facial structure, etc - striving after a certain beauty norm, in short. cultural norms in alt spaces are still influenced by general cultural norms (i'd also argue that a lot of the trends aren't actually that different). they're not particularly less mysogynistic. (there's also something to be said about the commodification of alt cultures, but i won't get into that here.)

i'll acknowledge that the expression is different, though, and i do think there's more weight to the self-expression angle here. overall i do actually prefer seeing more 'out-there' as opposed to 'natural' make-up. there's something more active about it, in that you're not just playing along with the expected. no one's being coerced into doing corpse make-up or whatever. it's more conscious. i am a big fan of originality, of breaking norms, of not playing along, and of breaking trends. take that how you will.

tl;dr i don't think either have big enough societal influences to really matter in the big picture. while interesting, all of this is a minority of cosmetics use, and a fringe group of beauty culture as a whole. they're truly a drop in the ocean. thank you for the question.

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 22

"And So It Goes” Billy Joel cover by Jennifer Warnes

[simgerale]

hi all, here's a late night thought-ramble

[it's about wedding stuff so please scroll away if you're not interested lol it's 100% okay]

as you are all technically strangers, i thought this would be a good place to get unbiased opinions (^:

i'm a people pleaser by nature, so i'm struggling with the whole "it's your wedding! do what makes you and your groom happy, and that's all that matters! if they love you enough, they'll understand."

why? because i want a small wedding. but i also think it'd be nice to have everyone who ever supported me there lol. to keep it relatively small, i think only inviting family would work (this would be under 60 if everyone came from both sides of our family). i don't have many close friends, so this wouldn't be impossible. but my groom definitely has people that he'd like to have at the wedding that aren't related to us. it's just a "if he invites these people, will the category of those people in my life get offended? does it matter, NO, but won't they?" and again, he has told me time and again, that i should do what i want and nothing more.

but oh my GOSH do i worry about having regrets and hurting feelings. like!!!!!!!!!! what's wrong with me!@1!!!!!!! i know if i was giving the advice to someone in my position, i'd say "JUST INVITE WHO YOU WANT TO INVITE! in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matteR!!!!"

i need to follow my advice. but let me tell you................... it's hard. i'm so stubborn when it comes to knowing what's right for me vs. other people.

ANYWAY. i want this type of wedding what do we all think

[aberooski]

I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.

[dude-iloveu]

i dont wanna do lab work waaaaaaa my future is bleak and dark and cruel

[batzilla posts]

omg bat time

[witchmd13]

...

[mooodyblue]

hi im venting in the tags don't mind me 🙃

[grimark]

emerging from my uni's course enrolments portal covered in blood and snot and dried tears and visibly trembling

[theteaisaddictive]

making jokes about the depression/cptsd that at least 1/3 of your immediate family are dealing with is all well and good, until you have to actually. make plans with those family members.

[cy-cyborg]

Please stop using disabilities you don't have as comparisons.

I saw a video trying to explain that autistic people don't make eye contact because it can be painful for them (good, this is true) and telling them to "just do it anyway" is ridiculous, saying "you wouldn't tell a wheelchair user to "just walk, its better for you" so don't tell autistic people to just make eye contact".

But people do. They do all the time. It's well documented that doctors will withhold their ok for patients to get a wheelchair (which is needed unless you're paying out of pocket, because insurance and most public disability services like the NDIS need proof from a doctor). I've known people who can hardly walk and are having to fight because the doctor still insists it better for them to walk, even if it's painful and sevearly limiting their quality of life.

Then in the comments, someone pointed out that people do say that to wheelchair users (good, this is true) but then continued on by saying "unless you just don't have legs" which is just as bad as the origonal.

I had to fight to get my first wheelchair as a double leg amputee, and every wheelchair since then I've had to justify not wanting the "better option" (prosthetics) to the government so they'll approve me for the funding. Doctors and even strangers too, all want to know why I'm not walking, why I'm not using prosthetics all the time. When I go on trips with my family I'm told to "just walk" so they don't have to pack my wheelchair. at my own graduation from university I was chastised by the organisers for not bringing my prosthetics (because wearing them was exceptionally painful back then and i hadnt worn them in nearly 3 months. I had asked before if this would be ok. they knew) because the venue was accessible but not the part of the venue the graduates were in. On the topic of university they also put my class in the only non-wheelchair accessible room and held meetings i was expected to take part in, in the non-accessible lunch room. When I complained, I was told to just use my legs for a few minutes so I could get into my classes. Being an amputee with no legs didn't shield me from these experiences either, it often made it worse.

I have all 3 of the disabilities mentioned (autistic, wheelchair user, amputee). If you don't have the disability you're using for a comparison, don't use it. Please