#then i'm saying i've graduated anyway
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Congratulations on graduating! That must be an amazing feeling.
thank youuuu <3
technically i won't be graduating until the end of the year because i finished past the cut off date for my uni's mid-year graduation ceremonies, but i'm happy to have finished regardless.
it's been a really difficult and long process, and i had to delay finishing my degree by 2 years due to a long string of Life Events (Not Fun) that got in the way of me completing the last 2 courses i had left in my degree as of mid-2022, so i'm glad i finally managed to get to the end of a semester without some random bullshit stopping me for the first time in several years lmao.
i dropped out of high school after i got sick, and i thought i was gonna have to drop out of uni too, despite all the work i've put in to pull my life together. it really means a lot to me that i managed to make it through to the end this time, even though it was tough to keep my head above water sometimes.
#ask#thegrinninggametile#it feels nice to actually finish something for once#i've never really done it before#i dunno#it feels like i'm bragging and i hate talking about accomplishing anything because it feels really selfish and egotistical#but i'm really proud of myself#i know it's not impressive and most of the people i grew up with graduated years ago but still#i proved to myself that i CAN see smth like this through to the end even when it gets really tough yknow?#only vaguely related but i refuse to call myself a 'graduand' until december and act like i haven't already completed the degree#despite my encyclopedic knowledge of my uni's policy and procedure library#if they want to make me wait over 6 months after i finish before actually giving me my testamur and saying i've graduated#then i'm saying i've graduated anyway#i've got all the pieces of paper that say i'm done besides the actual testamur#so policy and procedure definitions dictionary articles 14/232PL and 14/233PL can huff my shorts :P#(i used to work at my university and part of my job was basically committing the policy and procedure library to memory)#(so i could teach other students how to navigate the school's systems and how things work)#(and also to hold members of staff/departments accountable for failing to follow university policy when interacting with disabled students)#(i really enjoyed that job sometimes)#(plus i'm just autistic and liked learning about how all the systems of a large university are developed and interface with each other)#sweet.txt
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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I have a bookstagram, and I recently followed someone because they posted about the overconsumption issue that most bookish social media seems to have. Today, though, they posted another controversial "opinion": that listening to audiobooks isn't reading, and people who claim to have read a bunch of books that they listened to as audiobooks are lying and/or deluded. Listening to audiobooks, she said, is just consuming books.
I disagreed in a fairly politely worded reply, and I intend to unfollow/block, because I find it unlikely this person will change their mind, especially since I'm far from the only person to point out that this is exclusionary and ableist. But this is tumblr/my house, and now I'm going to be as blunt as I want to be.
I'm a librarian and archivist. So much of the work I and others in my field do focuses on making books and reading more accessible and less exclusionary. It is, in fact, incredibly ableist to negate how important audiobooks are for people who have certain disabilities or challenges, and I would in no universe say they aren’t reading. For that matter, a busy person who only has time for audiobooks and for people who just prefer them--it still counts, as far as I'm concerned.
See, there's a difference between an audiobook and a podcast or long song or radio program. An audiobook is still a book--it was written with a particular narrative structure, and the author plays a defined but limited role (once the book is written, it's written; the author isn't tuning in next episode with comments and corrections based on what listeners said). An audiobook is a book, ergo, listening to one is reading. Using braille is reading, and listening to audiobooks is reading.
The part that has me in full Captain Raymond Holt "apparently that is a trigger for me" mode is that this bookstagrammer called listening to audiobooks consumption. In the context of her other posts about overconsumption as an issue in the bookish community (again, agree, but also...mind your own business), this seems particularly insidious to me. Conflating influencer-driven (and capitalist hellscape) consumption with listening to an audiobook (again, a massive boon for the visually impaired and those with disabilities like ADHD, dyslexia, etc.) is rude at best and dangerously exclusionary at worst. Stop letting comparison be the thief of joy; mind your own business and stop looking at the pages that bother you. Focus on the kindness of leaning towards inclusion, meeting people where they are, and leaving judgment behind.*
*This person also said "feel free to comment if you disagree but please don't be mean or judgmental," as if they hadn't just posted the most ableist and judgmental sludge I've seen today.
tl;dr: don’t be a gatekeeping shithead, mind your own business, and
(gif by matalyn on tenor, couldn't find on tumblr)
#books#bookstagram#reading#bookish culture#audiobooks#inclusivity#i am honestly so brave for not arguing with more people#I didn't become a lawyer because I didn't want to monetize my number one hobby (arguing)#this person says they're getting a PhD and writing a dissertation on publishing#so I worry that people will lend their posts a certain weight they don't deserve#so here I am: I've literally taken graduate courses in the history of books and the text as a concept.#i specialized in that. it's what I intend to get a PhD in if I decide I'm insane enough to go back to grad school#anyway trust me bro (gender neutral)#(i won't die on ANY hill but i sure will on a whole lot)
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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no yeah i really love how every core 4 member got a real happy ending....except for ej
nini is happily pursuing music in la with her moms' full support
ricky is dating gina, a girl he calls "home". he's finally becoming more at peace with love and how to show it. he's learned how to not run from his problems. his parents are getting back together (???) and his drama teacher wrote such a good letter of recommendation that he was accepted into a community college
gina becomes a literal movie star and was able to change the filming location of her second movie, without any consequences, to salt lake so she can physically be with ricky, the boy she finally got to date after crushing on him since the day they met. she has a permanent home to call her own now. her mom finally showed up to an opening night and she was finally able to portray gabriella
and then ej...is alone (in a wildcat sense) at college, financially cut off from his family, working multiple jobs to afford it. he spends most of his season 4 screentime guiding and helping others (ricky, gina, miss jenn, madlyn) instead of an actual storyline and a lot of his lines were about how he's made mistakes and has to live with them
#um...ignore how nini has a singular sentence#but anyway#ej says that he's happy but compared to every other important character nothing happy happens to him#obviously you can be at peace with/like a less than perfect situation#but that doesn't make the situation good or that you don't deserve more than that#he's literally cousins with ashlyn#he has a connection to a main character and yet we hear nothing about how he's doing until admissions#hell his first mention in the season is terri talking bad about him to gina#and before someone says 'well he graduated already and this is about the students of east high so-'#lily was at east high for all of five minutes and she got plotlines INCLUDING dating one of the main characters#dewey freakin wood got an appearance in s4 when we're no longer at the camp...#jenn mike lynne and ben all have extensive storylines and they're adults#(and mike and lynne don't even work at east high like jennzzara! they're just ricky's parents !)#channing (someone who really didn't need to be such a big character) had a whole storyline in s3#even jarred had a storyline in s4 !!! AND HE WAS A STALKER !!!#can you tell i'm pissed#probably missed some things i'm going off of memory and rage#and it just seems like a poor writing choice to do nothing with ej until ep 5 when he was still dealing with his dad when s3 ended#<- something that could've been made into a storyline !! instead of just throwing it at us that ej was cut off#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series#ej caswell#nini salazar roberts#ricky bowen#gina porter#okay i regularly call them the core 4 so i think i've tricked myself into thinking other ppl do too...#tags are not as neat as i want them to be the thoughts just kinda spilled out but hopefully this all makes sense
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I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.
#I’m not going to say I’ve handled everything like I should. I feel like usually I try to tag people and include context and pictures so I’m#not trying to be passive aggressive or talk about people behind their back.#I’m not hiding. I haven’t even used the Tommy neg tag and I feel like I always leave things open and - here is my opinion it is not the onl#one or maybe even the right one or - here are my thoughts at the moment of 1am or here is the lore…#I made my alt name and image very clearly still me. I’m not trying to be sneaky or backhanded or insult You for an opinion or call You dumb#and if I have insulted or hurt someone I’m genuinely sorry and didn’t mean to. Something I try to reiterate#as my tone can come across as aggressive#crumbs#hello there#but see how we can have a discussion of -hey flora maybe you shouldn’t be talking about other people without tagging them or going directly#to them and I can be like - yea you have a good point. your right that’s not being respectful to them.#clarifications#thats what I'm really asking for. the respect to see if I am going to be as bad as you assume. give me the benefit of the doubt#I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know all the internet etiquette or slang. this is my first time participating in a fandom#my first time on tumblr. on ao3. the first time I've gotten actual like interactions on things beside like graduation pics#not to plead ignorance as innocence#but I know I don't know everything & am not claiming to thats why I try to leave safe space for people to come respectfully to me#after feeling aggressive backlash and seeing it happen I have since tried to make sure I try to respect other people's opinions#now that doesnt mean that if you just leave an anon in my inbox Im going to respond to it if I have already talked about it.#- okay you disagree. I stated my opinion you've stated yours and if there is no further point to discuss then I might not respond#though I did make this blog to perhaps respond more to things like that since you did take the time to say it the least I can do it respond#(and I cant just send you a direct message if you go anon <3)#uh... anyways didn't mean to leave an essay here oops... hope im making sense to someone :)
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May I ask what do radfems think about men wearing makeup? Or alternative subcultures where makeup is considered androgynous? For example goth and emo come to mind as quite common ones?
(I know you can't speak for everyone, but I've seen you post about makeup before)
i don't really have much opinion on men wearing make-up tbh (much as i don't re any individual women). the mechanisms behind it aren't the same, so it's not really comparable. there's no widespread social push for men to wear make-up, they're not being considered unprofessional or nonformal or underdressed for not wearing it. no one's arguing with a guy that he has to wear make-up for this and that occasion. men aren't being marketed it constantly. you don't have to look far and wide to to find a barefaced man in media (or, indeed, on the street). any obstacles a man might face due to wearing make-up is an entirely different (and here largely irrelevant) conversation (though of course still linked to misogyny + homophobia). in theory degendering make-up would be a positive, though i don't see that happening any time soon - and even then it would have to be achieved by more women actively not wearing make-up, not a handful of guys doing it.
i do think there's a certain disctinction to be made between 'everyday'/natural make-up and alt make-up, but not a giant one. it's still not particularly healty. it's also a misnomer to call make-up androgynous in most (if not all) of these subcultures imo - both the extent and styles differ, and it's still more women wearing it than men. the average emo guy is not spending the same amount of effort on make-up as his female counterpart. natural make-up is definitely worse in this regard, but i still think there's something inherently alienating about covering up your own face near-constantly.
it does discern itself slightly in that alt culture is obviously about rejecting social norms (while beauty culture is about following them), but it's naive to act like beauty culture isn't still influencing alt norms to a big degree. nothing exists in a vacuum. just because you're not following the trends doesn't mean you're not taking the ideas behind them in. alt makeup can still be about covering up 'blemishes', trying to achieve the appearance of a certain facial structure, etc - striving after a certain beauty norm, in short. cultural norms in alt spaces are still influenced by general cultural norms (i'd also argue that a lot of the trends aren't actually that different). they're not particularly less mysogynistic. (there's also something to be said about the commodification of alt cultures, but i won't get into that here.)
i'll acknowledge that the expression is different, though, and i do think there's more weight to the self-expression angle here. overall i do actually prefer seeing more 'out-there' as opposed to 'natural' make-up. there's something more active about it, in that you're not just playing along with the expected. no one's being coerced into doing corpse make-up or whatever. it's more conscious. i am a big fan of originality, of breaking norms, of not playing along, and of breaking trends. take that how you will.
tl;dr i don't think either have big enough societal influences to really matter in the big picture. while interesting, all of this is a minority of cosmetics use, and a fringe group of beauty culture as a whole. they're truly a drop in the ocean. thank you for the question.
#mona mona mona#and then of course there's the consumerist and health part of it but that's an entire discussion in an of itself.#i know it's not what you're asking about but i do have say as a lesbian i find alt women extremely hot#thank you for the question though it's very interesting#unrelated but once had a friend ask me to help him with his make-up for graduation which is to-date the stupidest thing i've been asked#he thought i wore it apparently because that's how observant guys are. anyway ask your girlfriend dude she's prettier than me anyway.#i'm the last person you want helping you with that lmao#anon i could ramble on for days btw but i was nice enough to stop before it became an essay <3#anti beauty culture#anti beauty industry#anti makeup
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#the secret to making friends is to let yourself annoy them#this is a joke but im also being completely serious#all my life I've been too apprehensive to make the first move because im always afraid of being bothersome#but looking back at the friendships through the past 4years at uni... im so lucky that a lot of people didn't worry about bothering me#and decided to come up and initiate conversation anyway#and also. whenever anyone has 'bothered me' by asking about me or wanting to know more... I have only felt loved and special...#so i guess what im trying to say is that#cringe culture is dead and theres nothing cool about prioritizing how you appear over the potential of a real bond#and I was born to be persistent and curious#so yeah. now that my graduate program will start in a couple months and there are opportunities to get acquainted with my classmates#I reach out to people with no attempt to hide my enthusiasm in getting to know them.#I double/triple text a lot and annoy them (affectionate) like i do my bffs and its incredible how 9/10 reciprocate that energy so quick#and despite the cultural differences and minor mistranslations/miscommunications we still manage to find common interests to discuss about#and it's like '!!!!!!! we're besties now'#yeah sure sometimes people might get a bit uncomfy and by the second message if i feel like I'm disturbing them I back off#but i won't know that until i reach out in the first place. so all in all this has worked really well for me and i love itttt#megumi in the tags
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someone just commented on my physical appearance UNPROMPTED????
#havent even been talking to him for months and he just suddenly pops up to say something insensitive bc he saw my sister's ig story of her-#-going to the gym#just when i was feeling v good abt myself!! lmfao 😭#both physically and mentally too!!#i've genuinely never felt this shitty wow don't think i ever got this insecure abt anything anyone's ever said to me???#but any hoot!! i got into one of my dream management/graduate trainee programs today so 😋#ok but honestly i'm just mentioning this to make myself feel better bc at least!! that part of my day genuinely made me feel so happy (to an#extent i havent felt in a while)#but to end my day on this shitty note... wow#HE SAID ALL THAT AT 1 AM TOO LIKE??? genuinely out of nowehere#*nowhere#anyway#men really r something huh#y.txt
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Song of the Day: May 22
"And So It Goes” Billy Joel cover by Jennifer Warnes
#song of the day#I'd never heard this version of the song before that fanvid I reblogged earlier and it is by far my favorite now#no shade to Billy Joel but damn#'and so it goes and so it goes / and you're the only one / who knows'#truly heartbreaking delivery#in other news today I got the first third of the Idiot Project completed#(clarification: there are three segments and I've been working on them all and now one is completely done and I'm very glad#I'm not only just now 33% of the way done with the project overall. I'd become a mollusc)#I had a breakthrough with the financials data I've been trying to compile#the 'correct' numbers I've been told to compare myself to don't include all the transactions!#there are specific internals codes I should have known to exclude because they get recorded but never reported#a very frustrating epiphany but whatever. I get it#(I mean to say. the best borscht in cherry grove is money laundering but my university is operating by 'pass-along agreement'#okay sure whatever y'all say. not my business and I'm not mad. I'm just sipping my tea real loud don't mind me)#I got this information too thoroughly wrapped in 'you should already know this obvious thing' to actually get an explanation#but I can see the shape of it if I squint. there's a politics bit going on and I get it. I do get it. but y'all. it's the shape of bullshit#anyway now I know how it works and I can account for it so I've built in a little filter and now my financials data makes sense!!#it actually makes sense now babes this is huge!! two months!! two months of the Idiot Project and now it's a third-chunk down!!#tomorrow I will make no progress whatsoever because I have to work graduation but on Friday when I have my stupid awful meeting!#she will ask me again if I am done! and I will say Look!! I am 1 out of 3 done!!#she will not be impressed but I will know. I will know she is wrong
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hi all, here's a late night thought-ramble
[it's about wedding stuff so please scroll away if you're not interested lol it's 100% okay]
as you are all technically strangers, i thought this would be a good place to get unbiased opinions (^:
i'm a people pleaser by nature, so i'm struggling with the whole "it's your wedding! do what makes you and your groom happy, and that's all that matters! if they love you enough, they'll understand."
why? because i want a small wedding. but i also think it'd be nice to have everyone who ever supported me there lol. to keep it relatively small, i think only inviting family would work (this would be under 60 if everyone came from both sides of our family). i don't have many close friends, so this wouldn't be impossible. but my groom definitely has people that he'd like to have at the wedding that aren't related to us. it's just a "if he invites these people, will the category of those people in my life get offended? does it matter, NO, but won't they?" and again, he has told me time and again, that i should do what i want and nothing more.
but oh my GOSH do i worry about having regrets and hurting feelings. like!!!!!!!!!! what's wrong with me!@1!!!!!!! i know if i was giving the advice to someone in my position, i'd say "JUST INVITE WHO YOU WANT TO INVITE! in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matteR!!!!"
i need to follow my advice. but let me tell you................... it's hard. i'm so stubborn when it comes to knowing what's right for me vs. other people.
ANYWAY. i want this type of wedding what do we all think
#nonsims#nnngghhhhh i don't want to be stressed about planning a wedding#but like............................................................everyone is all 'when is the date? you have to figure that you first'#out*#and knowing that i want a fall wedding#and that's something i won't give up on because that's the ONLY thing i ever dreamed about growing up.#i didn't know any details of my wedding except the season so i'm KEEPING IT#anyway. if it's fall. then it has to be in like......less than 8 months#it seems so SOON#and waiting an entire YEAR AND A HALF TO MARRY HIM DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT EITHER#i've been dating him for 5.5 years so i am rEADY to be his wife#so ready.#it doesn't help that he's trying to get into graduate school and we will have to move soon and if he doesn't get in then he has to find#another job because we do not like this job he has rn#so we don't know what area we will be in#or what type of money#it's...it's very.....#it's very LIFE. i should say.#anyway. goodnight everyone i love you all thank you for all your support and kindness#i love scrolling through my dash bc you guys inspire me#MWAH#kisses
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I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.
#october 23rd everybody mark your calendars!#it's a monday and I have sweeney todd rehearsal that night so I probably won't even get to have my birthday on my birthday#I'm gonna be 24 years old it really shouldn't matter so much to me anymore but it does#but I'm not a kid anymore. my birthday isn't special to anyone but me anymore. to everyone else it's just another day.#well it's all I've got it's the only time I ever feel seen and like people care enough to pay even the slightest attention to me#i just recently realized that receiving gifts is a love language for me too and i honestly hate that i feel like such an asshole#it feels worse because I haven't been able to get even a shitty job since i graduated college and my family is fucking broke too#so when my sister said she already had my birthday present my mom just jokingly says 'at least someone's getting you something' !#i seriously almost started crying when she said that. i did not find that funny at all. she said the exact same thing about christmas#which i feel the same way about. I've just been having a horrible last like 2 years and now it's almost my birthday again and I'm still#exactly where I was last year. I'm trying so hard and I just can't make any progress.#I'm stuck and it just feels like there's nothing I can do about it at this point.#anyway sorry to be such a downer I'm gonna at least try to go to sleep#abby's self deprication hour#abby's insomia thoughts
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i dont wanna do lab work waaaaaaa my future is bleak and dark and cruel
[batzilla posts]
omg bat time
#me knowing i'd maybe have more opportunities once i've graduated vs me already sick of academics#VS me being unemployable because i'm incompetent#<- again i hear so many people say they are the same as well but#sometimes i wonder if i put myself down too much that they seem on a higher level. or they don't realise there's someone worse than them#hnnrfhdjsjdjs#haaaaah i dont wanna fall this downward spiral again#so. anyway bat time eee eee eee
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...
#i'm looking for supervisors for my phd#and there's this really amazing professor but he's from a very prestigious university#his research is exactly the kind of stuff i hope to work on#but i feel like i'm not qualified enough to send him an email asking his supervision#first of all english is not my first language and i'm coming to the uk on a scholarship#from a developing country where i barely got funding for my masters thesis#also my gpa in med school isn't that high i had trouble my first two years and it took me a while to catch on#by that time my gpa was kind of stuck#although i got it up but not by much#so there's that#but i am getting my masters and hopefully i'll be graduating with a really good gpa plus my thesis that i've been working on for 3 years#but i'm still a beginner in lab work#idk if it's imposter syndromebut these feel like legitimate reasons#my dad tells me to contact the professor anyway and if he says no at least i asked#but i'm too scared
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hi im venting in the tags don't mind me 🙃
#i've been having a decent week and this morning i woke up and it's like my whole brain just switched off like#i barely got out of bed today and my anxiety was so incredibly bad yesterday and today i just felt so miserable and#i think part of it is because of new years and it's freaking me out a little#cause i've been trapped inside of my house ever since i graduated and i'm worried it's not gonna change next year#trapped is a dramatic way of saying it but it's close enough at this point#how am i 24 yet i haven't had a chance to be an adult no license no job nothing#this is why i post and get to requests so fast because i literally sit and browse the internet for pocket change all day#idk if im like this for another year that may just be it for me idk if i can handle another year of just sitting and waiting#i've tried to make things happen i've tried to change everything i've tried to talk to my parents but nothing gets through to them#literally writing is all i have now#idk#im just having a bad night#i could say so much more but idk what the tag limit is#anyway#if u read this .... lord im sorry lol
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emerging from my uni's course enrolments portal covered in blood and snot and dried tears and visibly trembling
#ok so first of all apparently i was supposed to enrol in my courses like two weeks ago.#it's not too late to do it now but still um whoops#second of all#my uni has this absolutely batshit parallel system of different study periods#in addition to semesters they also have trimesters and 'sessions'#so half of my classes are running according to the normal predictable schedule of semesters#and half of them are in 'sessions' that start and end at different times.#which means that i'd been assuming i wouldn't have to go back to uni until late february which is when my classes started this year#but nope. turns out shit starts up again for me on THE THIRD OF JANUARY UH OH#and FURTHERMORE last year they decided to um restructure the way my degree is delivered <3#so several of the classes i've done have been renamed or made redundant#and some of the ones that my schedule from 2021 says i'm supposed to do are no longer offered#or are still offered but have been moved to different times etc#leaving me extremely confused as to what subjects i'm supposed to enrol in and when#and whether or not i will have completed all the prerequisites for graduation or not#ANYWAY i've booked a zoom consultation and done my best to figure it out on my own in the meantime#but like. jesus fucking christ man
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