#then he goes on about how someone did it to him so he 'atoned for his sins'

[apocrisy]

"Diary of an Oxygen Thief", Anonymous

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Au where Lan Qiren goes to Yiling

Lan Qiren: Wangji, beloved nephew, who is like a son to me. I have been to Yiling and-

Lan Zhan: How is Wei Ying?

Lan Qiren: It's rude to interrupt. But he seems well. Except for the part where he claims to be the biological mother of an absolutely sweet little boy

Lan Zhan: Yes. A-Yuan. He is very sweet

Lan Qiren: Quite. While under normal circumstances, I would dismiss his claims as a joke only funny to him, Wei Wuxian's refusal to change his answer, as well as his ramblings about how difficult the birth was, has managed to plant a seed of doubt in my mind. Wangji?

Lan Zhan: Yes Uncle?

Lan Qiren: I remind you that lies are forbidden

Lan Zhan: Yes

Lan Qiren: Tell me then. What are the chances that he is telling the truth?

Lan Zhan: Higher than you would like

Lan Qiren: I see. And if Wei Wuxian is, by some curse or miracle, a mother, what are the chances that someone besides you is the father?

Lan Zhan: ......Lower than you would like

Lan Qiren: I see. And what are the chances that you have both eloped and refused to tell me, the man who raised you?

Lan Zhan: We wouldn't dare Uncle

Lan Qiren: Ah. So you have possibly made the cutest and best boy I have seen in years and saddled him with the title of bastard? I did not raise you to be so disgraceful. You will, of course, do whatever you must to atone for this egregious behavior and bring A-Yuan to Cloud Recesses. Hurry before he picks up his "mother's" poor manners

[fallstaticexit]

Prev / Next / Beginning

Trigger Warning: Drug Use (Marijuana) / Discussion of death & loss / Transcript under the cut

Nancy: Are you going to tell me where we’re going?

Vanessa: Ever heard of savoring the moment? Basking in the adventure of the unknown?

Nancy: This sounds like a slasher film in the making.

Vanessa: You’re no fun, but fine. We’re going to my secret spot.

Nancy: Why are you taking me? What if I told someone about it?

Vanessa: You said you’re not a narc. Besides, we broke bread together.

Nancy: Oh, I see. I have dirt on you, so now you have dirt on me?

Vanessa: Wooow, Blondie! You have some serious trust issues.

Nancy: [mutters] Well. I don’t know you all that well..

Vanessa: I’m not mad. That makes sense. That just means I have to work extra hard to get you to trust me. I must warn you, I’m annoyingly persistent.

Nancy: What?

Vanessa: Nothing!

Nancy: Ok, seriously. What are we doing here?

Vanessa: Looking for my stash...ah fuck! Did someone jack my- ah-ha! Here she is!

Nancy: Who?

Vanessa: [sings] Mary Jane, I love her just the same.

Nancy: You brought us all the way out here to smoke pot?

Vanessa: What, you’d rather do it in front of the nuns? Get in here.

Vanessa: So, what’s your deal?

Nancy: My deal?

Vanessa: Yeah, like, why are you here? I doubt you saw a packet in the mail and thought, ‘I’d sure love to spend my senior year at a boring Catholic boarding school’. Unless you heard about all the hot guys here, then that makes sense.

Nancy: Wasn’t my idea.

Vanessa: Ok. So, what happened?

Nancy: [huffs] Well, if I talk about it then it never goes away, does it? That’s kind of the whole point.

Vanessa: [hums] Well, you’re in the right place, that’s for sure.

Vanessa: [murmurs] All you have to do is pray, and it all goes away.

Nancy: What’s your story?

Vanessa: Not much of a story. I was raised in the church. Heir to my family’s fortune. Blah blah blah. You know how it is, being a Landgraab and all.

Nancy: It wasn’t always like that. My brother was supposed to be next in line, but he died when I was 4.

Vanessa: Fuck, I’m sorry.

Nancy: It’s- I barely remember him, so..

Vanessa: [after a beat] My mom died giving birth to me. My father says I’ll spend the rest of my life being great to atone for it. That’s actually all he says to me.

Nancy: I don’t think my father knows he even has a daughter. I bet he doesn’t know the color of my eyes- he hasn’t looked me in them my whole life.

Vanessa: [laughs] What the fuck? We're really messed up, huh? You know, you’re not like any of the other girls here.

Nancy: Is that a bad thing?

Vanessa: No. I’m not like any of them either.

Nancy: [coughs aggressively]

Vanessa: [laughs] Don’t swallow it! We should head back before they start room checks. You do not want to catch Sister Anges in the halls after curfew.

Vanessa: [cackling] Move your ass, Landgraab!

Nancy: Shhh! We’ll get caught!

Sister Agnes: And where are you two coming from?

Nancy: We? Um. We...

Vanessa: From the greenhouse, Sister Agnes. I was just showing the new girl around. Nancy says she loves her some pot-

Nancy: -tted plants! Potted plants!

Sister Agnes: You should know the rules better than anyone, Ms. Villareal. No loitering in common areas without a chaperone. Up to bed now.

Nancy: Pot? Really?

Vanessa: I thought it would be funny!

Vanessa: Today was pretty fun. You should come hang out with us during rec. Dina and Nina are total bitches but they’re funny.

Nancy: Sure. Yeah. Cool.

Vanessa: Cool. ‘Night Blondie.

Nancy: Goodnight...Red.

[danielsarmand]

honestly i think what i don't understand is why people expect certain things from certain characters. like why do you expect armand to earnestly give two damns about claudia and madeleine, or about anyone else beside himself and perhaps louis, or lestat, or people he has personally developed feelings for and/or entertained a relationship with? hell, why do you expect lestat, even, to truly care about claudia? louis is the one who wanted her, and for his own selfish reasons, no less! to make himself feel better about himself, to feel righteous and good, to feel like he'd atoned for his sins, to feel cleansed. and sure, he came to care for her, to love her, but never enough. never more than he loved lestat, never more than he loved his own pride and hubris.

and that is because each and every one of this characters is selfish, has been selfish, will be selfish. vampires are monsters. they are what's left when you're no longer the human you were, and some of them weren't good people to begin with, and some others have hundreds of years of abuse and trauma in place of human bones, and most of the times both things are true. louis has been warned time and time again, claudia has been warned time and time again, they have even been warned—multiple times—by the people who ended up hurting them the most. they were told there's no such thing as a good vampire, they were told to keep to themselves, they were told to leave, they were warned both with words and with actions. they proceeded to ignore all the warnings, all the signs, and to turn into wretched little things themselves in the process, because that's how it goes.

it confuses me, is all, to see posts where people are so outraged about armand not doing anything to stop what happened, or about him manipulating louis into believing he couldn't, because why did you expect him to? armand is not a good, immaculate entity. he operates under his own set of morals, his own rules, always has. at no point in the show was the audience meant to be fooled by him. we were always meant to be wary of him, because he is a 500+ yo vampire and we do not have a single example in favour of any vampire, really, let alone one so old and powerful. you cannot in your right mind ask this of armand. you cannot ask of him to be a decent, morally irreprehensible character who does the right thing and saves the day, because he was never meant to be that character for you, nor was it ever implied that he would. you cannot ask someone to be something they aren't and then get mad when—well, they're not.

the show is set in a future where things have gone very clearly awry, and the set of characters we are left with were never meant to be easily digestible, regardless of what you wanted them to be. otherwise, they wouldn't be all we're left with. so by all means, be mad at armand, be mad at lestat, be mad at louis, curse their names until you can't anymore—they deserve it! none of them, none of them, is exempt. but the surprise? the absolute confusion as to why they'd do what they each have done? nonsensical. they did all of those things—and more—because they were never good enough not to. they were never heroes. that's really all there is to it.

[orphiclovers]

Okay. Long incoherent rambling theory post ahead. Specifically, I want to talk about how the Han Sooyoung 'split' happened/how Han Sooyoung got the avatar skill, extrapolating from canon where I can and headcanoning the rest.

Let's start from what she herself says on the topic. 3rd rounds Han Sooyoung tells Kim Dokja, in a conversation about how 'Avatar' works, that the very first time she made an avatar, she gave it too many memories and it 'went out of control' and ran off. This was a friendly conversation and hsy brought it up herself, so there's not really a reason for her to lie here - this is probably close to how she actually remembers the situation.

Which is interesting because 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung denies this fact and says SHE is the main body and that she left an avatar behind to act as her. Now 1863 could be lying here to unbalance kdj, they were having a battle of words at the time with lying being an explicit part of the game, but she could also be telling the truth and maybe 3rd just doesn't know she's an avatar (like 49%). we don't get a comfirmation either way so that is left ambigous. So. That's a dead end.

Then, how does the Avatar skill evolve in general?

Kim Dokja says the requirements to evolve it is that you need to be in a creative field of some kind (so you have an 'Author' attribute) + under enough psychological distress for your mind to 'split' in a way that orv compares to DID (in not the most tactful way). It's a rare skill so I'm guessing it probably requires both of these to be true at the same time. A key hint is that we do actually get one other example of someone evolving the Avatar skill on screen. 1863rd rounds Yoo Joonghyuk. It goes like this:

So...not exactly a fun time. But actually I'm sensing a pattern here. Both Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung, after evolving and using the avatar skill for the first time end up as two sepetate autonomous entities with their own free will - 1863rd!hsy and 3rd!hsy and white and black coat wearing yjh respectively (Kim Dokja too actually - with 49% 51%). So, I think this might be how the skill functions, spontaneously splitting you in half the first time and then both halves of you can make avatars at will after that. Let's assume this is true for the sake of the theory. This conflicts with the way both Han Sooyoungs describe it - they both say they 'created' an avatar the first time BUT I think neither of them were being entirely truthful.

Let's talk about that second parameter. 'Severe psychological distress' in a way similar to that of DID. How I interpret this, based on what we see of 1863rd!yjh, is that there needs to be some fundemental dissonance of core beliefs that cannot exist or be held at the same time, so requires the soul to split in half. For Yoo Joonghyuk it's 'I want to live/I want to die.' (Although Kim Dokja doesnt get the skill in the natural way, I think this concept still holds true. His dissonance is not so explicitly stated but maybe it's something along the lines of 'epilouge/eternity' i.e 'happily ever after OR atonement for his (percieved) sins'.)

But also there's an element of, how do I say this...'purifying self-destruction' to how we see our trio use Avatar. Yoo Joonghyuk takes the blackened and traumatized part of him that wants to die and kills it with a sword, leaving only the part of him that still has hope to regress to the 3rd round, free and unburdened by the weight of bad memories.

You could interpret 51%/49% this way too. The inherent act of Kim Dokja choosing to use this skill to split his soul in half means he did not see another way foward - that psychological distress and belief dissonance is an inherent part of this skill. 49%, the one who get's the 'happily ever after' does not remember needing Ways of Survival, maybe because Kim Dokja couldn't imagine himself having a happy ending with the weight of those specific memories.

But coming back to Han Sooyoung. Just look at the way she uses Avatar in kaizenix. She is a person who does not enjoy being emotionally vulnerable so in any heavy situation she clings to her dry and witty personality like a shield.

Let's just fully realize what she's saying here. When she says she erased the memories of her life deliberately, what she means is that she created an avatar, a sort of 'black coat wearing han sooyoung' and killed it again and again, every year, so she could keep that sarcastic and light hearted attiude. Otherwise she would have become someone like 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung - hardened and unhappy. And I mean that she literally was on the path of becoming her - she even got 1863rds skill.

She deliberatley brushes off Kim Dokja and doesn't acknowledge the weight of her actions in kaizenix, both waiting for 50 years and killing parts of herself over and over.

And I think this is the sort of mindset she had while telling Kim Dokja about 'creating' an avatar for the first time. She doesn't see the point in potraying herself as vulnerable, so she probably would obscure some details of that story, for example if she was on her knees clutching her head a la 1863rd turns Yoo Joonghyuk at the time. This would seem like a pointless detail to add when the point of the story was that her avatar ran off.

So FINALLY, here's my headcanon on what I think the original belief dissonance was for Han Sooyoung and how she got the Avatar skill.

The split happened very early on in the scenarios. And well, there is one obvious Big Event that might cause someone to have a mental breakdown/identity crisis. The first scenario. I think whoever Han Sooyoung killed, she couldn't deal with the fact she had become a murderer and 'exorcised' those memories - and so 1863 was born, with blood on her hands, in an already destroyed world.

[sarasade]

It's been pretty interesting to follow the

"Why Didn't Viren Get Redeemed vs Viren Got What Was Coming To Him"

discussion after The Dragon Prince's 6th season got released.

Hot Take

I think Viren got redeemed.

Because to me Viren humbling himself and acknowledging the hurt he has caused was redeeming. His conversation with Soren was the main event. His rather heroic death was only the cherry on top of the character development cake that has been baking since s4.

I think Viren dying wasn't as significant as what he did before that and how he tried to provide Soren with some kind of comfort and closure, you know, as a parent should, before going. Viren's redemption wasn't just him dying for Katolis but acknowledging his wrongdoings and trying to salvage what he could.

That was pretty redeeming for me at least. Viren did the right thing even when he knew there wouldn't be any reward for it. Even if he couldn't stop Aaravos from destroying Katolis or manipulating Claudia even after his death. Like, man, I kinda feel for the guy.

I think it has always pretty easy to feel sympathy for Viren. Viren wants to matter and wants to be important. However, his grandiosity, as psychologists would call it, keeps him from creating genuine connections with others. His friends, wife and children are only there to prop up his ego or get rejected if they fail to live up to his expectations. It's also pretty damn tragic that Viren opens up about his deep insecurities to Aaravos of all people. Someone who was the most likely person in the world to exploit these insecurities for his own gain.

Viren had to taste his own medicide but I don't think TDP says that's an objectively good thing per se or that we should enjoy this sort of revenge fantasy uncritically. Viren is still portrayed rather sympathetically and of course there is the part about his actions affecting others and the world in unpredictable ways. It's still a tragedy because Viren's actions and personal problems have caused so much collateral damage. The Why behind Aaravos exploiting Viren and Claudia is part of that tragedy, too. There are no winners here. In a way Viren is a victim of his own narcissistic tendencies, too.

This isn't just about the final episodes of Viren's arc. To me it's essential to ask What was Viren's biggest sin he should be redeemed or punished for? Depending on your answer you may have a relatively different reading of s6 story development compared to mine.

To me it's not a specific action he took but his whole worldview. Viren is a fictional character (duh!) so his story isn't exactly literal but metaphorical, a representation of certain values and morals real people and society holds. In s3 TDP draws a pretty straightforward, though brief, comparison between Viren and reactionary right-wing ideologues. It's not exactly subtle.

It's just one way TDP goes to show how toxic and abusive Viren's core values are. that gets reflected both in Viren's personal life aka how he treated Lissa, Soren and even Harrow and Claudia (last two more indirectly). Since he also had a ton of political power as a high mage and briefly as a king we see what he did with that power. It's a pretty clear take on people who dehumanise others, fetishise power and see all living things as something to exploit. TDP explores that both philosophically and psychologically through Viren. Dark magic encapsulates this philosophy well since using magical creatures like tools or objects is essential for it to work.

Also also- I don't really get why people see redemption or atonement as something black and white. It's not bad or anything but Redeeming Yourself For Your Sins is a very Christian concept and Christianity isn't the only way to understand villain story arcs. Like I wish there could be more discussion about WHY redemption is the main analytical framework we impose on villains when villainous characters have a ton of variety anyway.

I don't really have anything to complain about Viren's death itself and I'm not surprised that he ended up dying (for real this time). Aaravos seemed like someone who'd turn against Viren the moment he stopped being useful to him so Viren's life has been hanging by a thread since s4. Viren was the best part of TDP and every scene he's been in had been a delight, well expect the s5 dream sequence because it was too long-winded and obvious, anyway, I'm sorry to see him go and I look forward writing AU fix-it fics where he and Aaravos are married and run a hot brown morning potion shop with all their four totally not dead children. RIP Viren. You lived like a messy bitch and died like a messy bitch. Iconic.

[navree]

still on this, THE THING IS the bones of this aren't even actually that bad.

bruce has done something horrendous, something objectively heinous, to his child, and to his child who has already suffered so egregiously in such a short lifespan (until they start letting dick grayson be a man in his thirties jason cannot be older than early twenties, like, college age early twenties, at max he's only barely legally allowed to drink). and he has the perfect out he could use if he wanted to deflect responsibility, it was zur, it wasn't really him, so he cannot really be faulted for what he's done. but he doesn't take it, he chooses the hard path but the right path, and takes responsibility. he acknowledges that even if he wasn't in his right mind, it was still him, a version of him anyway, that did something really, really bad to someone he's sworn to love and protect and who did not deserve anything like that. bruce taking the ownership for his shitty decisions rather than trying to find the loophole, that's good. and it can even work with jason attempting to brush it off, like i mentioned before, jason is canonically a forgiving person who does not prioritize himself, and will continuously turn the other cheek to those who hurt him if they happen to be people he loves. i can absolutely see jason trying to give bruce that out (though not with that fucking therapy speak bullshit, jason todd has never been to therapy because people with healthy coping mechanisms don't create the fucking red hood plan at the big age of sixteen).

the thing is, the thing that could have made this good but didn't because instead they decided to continue making this story shitty from start to finish, is that bruce can't take it. it's good that bruce is owning what happened and bearing the responsibility and referring to it as "what i did to you" rather than passing it off in a bid to get jason to move on. and it can work that jason would try to go "it's fine it wasn't really you" about it. but you lose any good when bruce agrees with him and just goes "yeah you're right. anyway!" what's the point of bruce taking responsibility for a horrific deed in a symbol of growth (and we know it's supposed to be about growth because he prefaces it with talking about how his kids are his family and he needs to acknowledge that to them and let them know what they mean to him) if it's immediately smoothed over? it's utterly meaningless, he might as well have just told jason that he can't be blamed and jason could have just nodded and agreed. the bones were there but then ya fucked it, it literally doesn't mean anything at all. it's the narrative equivalent of going "i have a lit stick of dynamite" only for someone to immediately pour water on it. it has no impact now and it loses any catharsis for the readers, let alone deflating that emotional beat in narrative and making everything just seem stupid. even if jason attempts forgiveness, it doesn't work if bruce accepts it. he needed to say that even if jason is trying to absolve him, he still did it, he still needs to own up to it, jason is still entitled to whatever feelings about it, and he still needs to fix it along with actively working for a redemption and acknowledging his responsibility in that regard. not just go "yeah you're right it's in the past hakuna matata never gonna blame myself for my own shortcomings ever again" and promptly move on to more bullshit.

and like, you're nerfing your own ability to write good stories in the future! for one, it's good if bruce grows from this whole debacle, and does consistently put effort for future issues into not just reminding himself he needs to acknowledge his family, but that he can't take the easy way out and he needs to own up to things even when they were done when he wasn't totally himself. for two, you could have a story where bruce doesn't just have to atone, he has to actually fix his mistake. jason's got this chip in him, bruce has acknowledged that this is something HE did and needs to take responsibility for, have him be the one to fix it! have him be the one to try and find a solution, a way to undo it or nerf it or get it out. have him work to fix this issue that he caused, have him be the one to attempt to mend it and do right by someone he did wrong.

not to mention, it can work from a narrative perspective. batman is a detective, have the search for a cure/fix/whatever be a detective story. false leads, dead ends, red herrings, clues that need to be uncovered, new twists and turns. and for another thing, it works to have bruce try to right a wrong he did to jason specifically. bruce's big failure, in his mind, his greatest unforgivable sin, is that he did not save jason. that jason needed his help and bruce failed him, bruce wasn't there. so it makes sense that, when given the opportunity to make up for that in a way, to be there when he's needed, to help him when he needs it, to essentially make it in time in a way he couldn't on the day jason died, of course he'd throw himself into it with 110%. of course he'd decide that, this time, he won't fail. jason is hurting and in need of help because of him but this time it won't end in the worst way imaginable. this time, bruce is gonna fix it. it would make for great storytelling, and good character moments for bruce AS a character.

but i never get the things i want so instead i got some decent legs to build on that were immediately hacked out from under me in the same fucking panel and the chip thing is likely gonna be solved off-page without any real introspection into bruce doing this really horrible thing to jason or growing from his fuckups or growing in his relationship with jason or jason dealing with this and the two of them actually putting in some work to come back together strong than ever and build a new, better baseline as bruce accepts accountability and jason offers forgiveness once it's earned, for once in his life. and this entire plotline will literally never be brought up again except to explain why tim has a clone-damian suit that looks ugly as shit.

[codenamesazanka]

I'm thinking. I'm thinking. it would be cool if all of my dislike and criticism of Deku's actions in this final war arc (and maybe before) was actually supposed to be the intended feeling. That he was supposed to be read as an arrogant little shit with no plan and failed at saving Shigaraki all along. Saving Shigaraki was his ego talking - him wanting to save that Crying Child, because it makes him feel good to be a Hero... in the easiest way possible. He pried open Shigaraki's lid with no regard for how questionable such an act is. He never understood Shigaraki at all.

Deku has the potential to be a great hero. When Yoichi and Kudou talked about his great qualities, it was because they can sense the seed of it at his heart. But it hadn't been cultivated. He does have a drive to save, but it was too early to call it that. He does believe everyone has the same heart, but he hasn't actually come to that conclusion himself. That's why they needed to speak about his own feelings for him. He's 16 years old and thrown into a war. How can anyone have proper development and meta-cognition in such a scenario?

I'm thinking. It was Stain who spared Shigaraki and told him he sensed the seed of a warped conviction inside of him, when all readers saw at the time was an erratic manchild. But Stain was right. Shigaraki's conviction grew and developed and became such a noble desire, but 'twisted' - A Hero, but for the Villains.

Deku just had the high of his life. What if he's about to enter the lowest? He failed to save someone. Society is getting rebuilt and where it goes from now on is absolutely crucial. He's "quirkless" again - that personality is gone so who is he now?

I'm thinking. There's a reason why his agreement with Overhaul hasn't been resolved yet. I'm thinking Compress and his vigilante ancestor's dream of reform can't be just ditched like that. I'm thinking how Deku can fail so incredibly at not realizing why Shigaraki stayed the leader of the League all through the end, and how Shigaraki tells him 'ganbare'.

I'm thinking about Shigaraki, and how he's a fair guy. But he's a Villain. He sensed Deku's intention, understood just how sincere it was, and can respect that. And the guy did just helped heal his childhood trauma. And thus, he's holding Deku responsible for making sure his destruction is permanent, and leaves with a semi-sardonic 'do your best'. I think that's actually just like him.

I'm thinking about Uraraka and Shouto getting two sad looking panels in this semi-celebratory chapter where All Might calls Bakugou and Deku the greatest Heroes. They were the two who actually considered the suffering their Villain went through. They acknowledged the whole of their Villain, their agency and desires, and they supposedly saved them. But there's no celebration for them. Maybe it's because they've seen the truth and can't be unaffected.

I'm thinking about Spinner, who saved Deku from a teammate at the camp raid because he believed in Stain who believed in Deku to be a true Hero. And then Spinner became Shigaraki's most devoted friend and Shigaraki left a message to him, via Deku.

I'm thinking maybe Horikoshi got out all the battle shonen stuff they wanted out of him and now he can do his own thing. He sucks at fight scenes and great at character writing and darker material.

The issue to this thinking is that this hope is sooooo dangerous. I had a similar thought that Endeavor, after the Touya reveal, was going to get some brutal atonement. I thought post-Jaku would be a really cool chance to examine the issues of Hero Society, and that Tartarus being recognized as a human-rights violations would end up somewhere. I loved what I felt was the subtly realistic built-up of the Heteromorph arc, and I still love it, but then it ended up the way it did. I thought AFO's tragic backstory getting revealed could be awesome. I've clowned myself again and again. I guess this is the latest clowning.

And none of this actually saves Shigaraki or brings him back. Rather, his death and last words is pretty much required for this brutal realization and haunting on Deku and the story.

Worse, this all has the potential to make me think Deku is interesting. What am I doing to myself. 🤡

[parrotscopes]

the scene in hell where Edwin forgives Simon

Talking with my friend about the scene where Edwin discovers Simon in Hell, is given a chance to keep punishing him further yet goes back to forgive him lives rent free in my head. It was an incredible take on how sometimes we bring down our own Hell upon ourselves, a Hell of our own making, and how queer people can punish themselves unknowingly.

Ultimately the show makes it very clear Simon was not being punished because of his desire, he was in hell because he brought suffering down upon someone else(the object of his desire) because he did not deal with that desire appropriately. Simon refuses to escape with Edwin, making it clear he truly believes he deserves to sit in Hell for an eternity for what he has done, tearing a book apart, left to cry helplessly as it tears his hands apart, yet the real punishment seems to come from the fact that every torn page is a reminder of what he most desired yet never had(because of what he did). His desire was a punishment in and of itself, it being the 1900's and all. The show seems dead set on making it clear that even though it may seem inescapable, Hell can be run from, as hard as it may be, we even see Maxine just chilling on the steps like 15 feet away from the exit!!! but it is oftentimes the guilt of what they have done or lost that keeps them there.

But if this show wants to say anything, it is about forgiving those who deserve it, Crystal was a horrible person, yet when she reaches clarity of who she was, she uses it as a moment to grow and begin to actively atone for who she was, Edwin is an asshole like 80% of the time, but in his actions we can see he cares and so do the others, so they choose to stay and tear down his walls, Niko fucks up and sets up Jenny with her stalker, and even though the worst case scenario did happen, Jenny says she is willing to forgive her eventually because of her intentions.

My point with all this is that oftentimes as queer people (specially younger ones/ those who live/lived with more active prejudice surrounding them) go through life, we do so in a deliberately isolating or painful ways, maybe to even make the feelings "go away", refusing friendships or relationships out of fear, or wanting to save others from ourselves. And we sit in our own chambers of Hell because being forgiven is unimaginable.

But it doesnt have to be this way, and this shows tells us that, it tells us as Edwin tells Simon he forgives him, and Heaven shows him the blue light because goddamn it he was a kid!!! he didn't know!!! and once he knew and understood, and Edwin did too, he moved on, and allowed himself to be free.

We do not have to live in our Hell for being queer, there is nothing to atone for just for being queer, if life is giving you a chance why refuse it?

Happy pride month.

[cum-villain]

in the middle of endeavor vs afo, and im really thinking about endeavor's arc. i've had some thoughts in the past on parallels with bakugou, but i didn't quite see how they were paralleled in any grand narrative. but i'm starting to see what horikoshi is trying to say.

see, we have to think of the demographic bnha is meant to appeal to: teenage boys in japan. plenty will be looking to be some combination of normal and awesome. the best of normal society. not someone strange or weird, but someone lots of people look up to. and, more than being angry fire-type quirk users with an inferiority complex they used to express through hurting others, they fit those ideals. they want to be the greatest heroes, and have the power to be in the top (excluding anyone with one for all). additionally, though, both of them are a type of warning, for different stages of life.

bakugou is someone who learned to be better while he was still a teenager, before he really did damage. we're introduced to him as an awful bully, but it's important to note that that incident is the very worst he's ever been, it sets the bar for the very lowest he can go; he'd never said something as cruel as telling someone to kill themselves before, it was so out of the ordinary his friends commented on it.

and in the early chapters, he goes from a big fish in a small pond (in his early years) to a big fish in a lake full of big and giant fish (u.a. high school). over the storyline, we see him learning to humble himself, to recognize his inferiority complex, to grow past it before he let it fully consume him. he's still a rude bastard, of course, but hes an otherwise decent person as his core, and he stays that way.

so, what does bakugou show? he's the pinnacle of being young, popular, talented, smart, with a bright future and the ambition to make use of those traits. however, that by itself isn't enough. he needed to learn to recognize his own weakness, not focus so much on being the greatest and learn to accept the times he feels inferior. nobody will ever truly be the best at everything, and some humility is vital to learn. and most importantly, that it's possible to change into a better person without losing what makes you uniquely cool. even as hes a better, more mature person, hes a rude bastard.

but what about endeavor? well, he's a warning for what happens when you don't come to terms with your own limits before its too late. he's also talented, he become the 2nd ranking hero, hes extremely successful and should be able to be happy. except, he isn't. he doesn't come to terms with his limits and doesn't curb his ambitions until after he's destroyed his family. his children either hate him, or in the case of fuyumi, cling to hope of a normal family as a way to cope with the terrible home he created. his toxicity eventually made his wife lose her mind, not even mentioning how he took advantage of her family's problems to coerce her into a quirk marriage for his ambitions. with his son being one of the protagonist's friends, a typical storyline would involve him being defeated. however, we know that didn't happen.

instead, he too learned to humble himself. again and again, he was confronted with the harm his actions caused. touya revealing himself when he did was extremely significant in terms of this; he had been on an upswing, trying to make amends with his family, became the recognized number 1 hero, it was almost possible to forget that in season 1 he was almost an antagonist. however, with touya, both he and the audience were reminded, the past never dies. he had still done much harm. he still had much to atone for.

however, despite all of this, his story is still one of healing and redemption. and one of the reasons for that is because, as time goes on, many of those teenage boys will grow up without fully maturing, and they well become someone similar to endeavor. of course, it is ideal for them to not become those sorts of people, but when they do, what next?

when someone becomes the abuser, it is very important to not get stuck in a sunk-cost fallacy of "well, i'm already monstrous and will never be able to redeem myself, i might as well continue being this way." instead, like endeavor, it is important to do what they can to heal themselves and fix what can be fixed, without expecting forgiveness, but simply because it is the better thing to do. endeavor still has a future, and he's lucky that some members of his family will be willing to accept he's trying to change for the better.

in short, both are warnings for the demographic of teenage boys; bakugou's story says "look, you can learn and grow and it isn't lame at all", endeavor's story says "even if you made mistakes, even if they cant be forgiven, you can still move forward and do better". and i think those are incredibly important stories to tell.

[imagine-silk]

Could you do the Yandere Fallout dudes with a darling that is a pre-war ghoul and very insecure about it?

》A non!sole, let's go!

【Hancock】 "Let's be freaks together, forever."

He was a gambling man and he won when he met you. Not only were you perfect in every way but you also loved him. Not to the extreme he loved you but that didn't matter to him. You could have screamed 'I hate you' and it wouldn't change his feelings. If you love him, love being a ghoul. You'll live forever together, you won't get sick, you are so beautiful. Over two-hundred years of waiting for him and now you get two-thousand years more.

【Preston】 "But you're sooooooo beautiful. Good enough to eat."

He will make sure you're loved in every way. Every. Way. In the morning he'll come up behind you and spin you around. At night he'll map out your entire body with his tongue. The way he looks at you, almost like he wants to eat you. It kills him inside you don't love yourself like he loves you but that just means he needs to show you.

【MacCready】 "Did someone say something about you?"

He asked calmly. He's soft and checks on you like a good husband would. Make no mistake it bothers him, burns him from the inside out. If you do name someone they will die that night. Once you're asleep he puts on a coat and grabs his rifle to go on the roof. You can see everyone from your house. When he goes back in you stir and he softly kisses you, "Go back to sleep, honey."

【Danse】 "You're an angel."

You saved him from spiraling downwards after BB. You are the angel who saved him, even after all of his sins. He doesn't even know if he ever bothered you for being a ghoul, that's how lost he was. But he will atone and worship you as his angel. The way you second guess your beauty is make him ache because he's said those things once. Now is the time to say the truth. "You look absolutely divine."

【Nick】 "Ain't you a sight for sore eyes."

He says that every time he comes home while pulling you in. He touches you with some reservations but you learned early on it was due to the damage on his body not yours. After he sees how much it bothers you he blackmails asks around and finds people to fix his exterior. Evey new tune up is met you affection immediately after.

【X6-88】 "You are over two-hundred years old. You look good."

He doesn't particularly understand the problem. You're not insecure about your tainted genes or your age. Even if you were he can't have kids and he's not that old in literal years so neither is a problem for him, he also has those problems. But failing all of that he falls back on the fact of your age and the fact you look better than the non-ghouls from your time. Because what counts is that you're alive.

【Deacon】 "Then let's do something about it."

He figured just saying differently wouldn't change your mind. It wouldn't change his if he was in your position. So he dumps a bunch of clothes in the living room and has a fashion show. If anything it will just take things off your mind. He does think about dumping radiation into the water supply to make everyone just like you. It doesn't cross his mind for long but it does.

[jadeazora]

Now that I've had time to sit down and think about the finale some more, I'm so curious where they're gonna go with him.

Like, he's definitely going to betray the heroes sometime next season. His fight with Adam shook him to his core, that he realizes he's gotten somewhat attached to the hotel gang (man has no real reason to try and manipulate Niffty there, so it feels genuine) and his fight with Adam almost makes him look like a hero, rather than the evil, terrifying Overlord image of himself that he's worked to cultivate. That these attachments go against that image and make him look weak in his own eyes, they're another leash when he's seeking his freedom from the deal he made.

But at the same time, he did form those connections, so I still imagine there will be some sort of emotional conflict even as he tries to bury it. But will it be enough to get thru to him? That the hotel gang is fighting for what they love and each other, their bonds give them the strength to protect each other, the ones they hold dear, rather than fighting for something more selfish like power and control, and then have him realize that he messed up? Especially since the main themes of the show are redemption and found family. Or will it still be too late for him to go back? When the talk of redemption comes up, there's always some discussion on how far gone someone goes over the line before they're completely irredeemable. (I think, best case scenario, the cast will get thru to him and he'll come work for the hotel in earnest over its vision, if he survives the series. Kinda expecting erasure tho, but will it be because he realizes that he should atone for having hurt the people he's reluctantly gotten attached to, or when it's too late, that he's pushed them all away, when they offered him a hand to be saved, and he's dying now, no friends, no power or freedom, no future?)

It's so bloody interesting! Really can't wait to see where they go from here!

[tamayakii]

another chance.

just some ficlet/hcs about an idea i had, super unedited and a mess. I wrote it at midnight :3 anyways let me know if u want more. warnings: murder, drugs; specifically cocaine, suicide,

The smell of nicotine swirls in your lungs, the pink smoke dances across your lips. The clothes cling to your sweaty skin as you stare up at Valentino, heart pounding. “Do this and I promise to let you sleep, Princessa~” he coos sweetly, his second pair of hands holds you close as the other hold your face tightly. 

“Yes Val..” You murmur, sleep… sleep sounded so good. He twirls you around to face the stage, how did you end up here again? Your droopy eyelids get heavier as you stare at the stage from the sidelines, Vaenltinos yells but its all drowned out. Just one show, you tell yourself, one show then a week of sleep. A sugary drink is brought to your lips and you grimace, 

“Drink up~” Val whispers in your ear, tipping your head back as he forces the disgusting liquid down your throat. “One show is all i need from you, shake that sexy body and show Velvettes amaazinng outfit and then you’re done.” You take a deep breath as the music begins, you can hear the crowd roar with excitement. 

“Yes val.”

Valentino had taken you in soon after your death and fall into the Sloth Ring, You were a performer in life, a popular singer across multiple countries. Your provocative style and voice had made you an icon, many credited your fame to your producer.

Little did they all know was your producer was a creep, a terrible person, just all of the negative adjectives. The only thing he could truly be credited for was your crippling depression and even worse addiction, you were under his thumb 24/7

He was the reason why you’re in hell.

One day, while coming down from a high, something snapped in you- When he had turned around as he talked about a new show in Japan, you grabbed your grammy award statue. Swinging up and as he turned around, you hit him. And you did it again, over and over again. Screaming with frustration as you bludgeoned him to death, beating his skull in. Blood and brain matter splattered across your arms and face. 

He was unrecognizable, nothing was left above his shoulders- for the first time in years, you felt relief.. Freedom even, before the reality of what you did hit you. Bile climbs up your throat as you look down in horror, you step back up. 

You killed him. You were a monster.

Your pristine white carpet was matted with blood, you trip over your coffee table, screaming in horror. You couldn’t escape what you’ve done, you can’t go to prison, what about your family? Friends? Your fans?!

Breaking down as you gaze at his lifeless body, what were you going to do! 

A horrid thought fills your brain but.. It was the only way to atone for your crimes, suddenly your tears stop and everything goes numb. Everything that you start to do feels like nothing, one moment you’re in your living room and the next in your bathroom tub, bleeding out from your wrists and empty pill bottles strewn across the marble floor.

You deserved this.

And thats how you came to hell. YOu had killed your producer and then yourself; Landing in the ring of Sloth. Your first night was rough but someone had recognize you from their time alive, inviting you to their club, where you met Valentino and just like everyone else he employed, you fell for his charms.

Instead of being a stripper/porn star/prositute, He used your voice. You were his best advertisement right next to Angel Dust, the perfect thing to promote all of the V’s. 

Velvettes fashion, Valentinos music, and Vox’s newest technology. 

For a long time, you let them move you around like a puppet, not fighting back. They let you sleep, cause when they did? They could do anything with you when you were awake. It was an easy exchange, let you sleep and they get to use you as their personal advertisement. 

Your popularity boomed, performing in Asmodeus’s Lounge, in Velvettes fashion events, you filled out stadiums and more. People wanted you. They wanted to be you but you could care less, yes; when you were alive you would eat all of this attention up but now? All you wanted was sleep.

Angel Dust had known of you, and you know of him. Few times you cross paths, you thought nothing of him; no literally nothing. Often when you did cross paths, you were too exhausted for anything. And him? He saw you once, sleeping under Valentinos wing, and for some reason, he was filled with jealousy and disgust, disgust that he was jealous.

But when he moved out of the studio, you took the brunt of Valentinos abuse, the number of concerts boomed, the drugging intensified and so much more. You often cried for sleep, sobbing for the comfort of your bed. Breaking down after performances, clawing at Valentinos legs. 

You were going on a week of no sleep, being forced to be on the move constantly. One day, when no ones eyes were on you (which was rare) you had stumbled out of the Vee’s building, stumbling across the broken sidewalk. You couldn’t tell if you were dreaming but you kept on going until you tripped over a body and passed out. 

Hours passed. Days passed.

You finally wake up, in a warm bed but.. Not your bed. You look around, blinking one eye at a time as you try to lif your heavy body. You didn’t recognize this room, “mmmnhgg… Hello?” you groan out, and something at the end of your bed makes a noise. You look over and see a black and white cat, with one eye. You gasp gently, “kitttyy..” you whisper, reaching over and offering your hand to the feline. 

“KeeKee!! There you are- oh! You’re awake!” a feminine voice squeals, and you look up. She looked vaguely familiar, ah. You knew her from the news, talking about her Happy Hotel.

“Areeenn’t you the lady who sung on the news and then fought Katie Killjoy?” you ponder, raising an eyebrow, she freezes before letting out an awkward chuckle, she rubs the back fo her neck. You give her a dead eye look, “that was fun” you monotone. 

“Ah.. yes.. But!~ my name is Charlie Morningstar!!” she exclaims, quickly pushing away her embarrassment, she extends her hand and you gladly accept it, shaking it with a small smile. You offer her your name in return, “I found you on the street passed out, so i took you to my hotel, you were asleep for a loooooong time! I was getting worried!” now it was your time to be embarrassed.

“Ah… my apologies. I haven’t slept in awhile.. But.. thank you for taking me somewhere safe.” 

Charlie is extremely happy that your awake, obviously you needed to sleep somewhere safe and ya know- not on the sidewalk!! Plus, she recognized you from your music!! She’s a liiiitttle bit of a fan- 

She excitedly tells you all about the story of her finding you, and you take her. She practically swoops you up and shows you around the hotel, and it does look quite well. Throughout, your phone is buzzing angrily on the nightstand of the room you occupied. 

“This place is amazing..” you whisper, she told you about her dream and her ambitions about redeeming sinners. Perhaps.. You could be redeemed. “Are.. are you looking for demons to redeem still?” 

“Yes!! We’re always taking in sinners 24/7! ..” she then gasps, eyes sparkling, realizing why you must’ve asked!!! “Do.. Do you want to try?!” she squeals loudly, clapping her hands. The hotel is.. A bit decrepit.. Cobwebs here n there but if redemption was something that could happen..

Well..? will you give it a try?

[sepublic]

Fucked up actually how Garmadon is just. Never allowed to be happy and he knows it. He's a young kid who's going out of his way to protect his little brother and he gets so horrifically cursed and punished and doomed for it for the rest of his life, and he grows up knowing this will haunt and change him, that this will vilify him. There's all this talk of a 'balance' between good and evil and how both must exist, so does it drive Garmadon mad knowing that he is still technically playing a role in preserving the natural order of things, yet he will be despised and horrified by what he's done, grappling with the guilt in a best-case scenario, while others are celebrated because they're lucky enough to be chosen to fight for good instead?

He had to constantly fight the evil in his veins growing up, knowing it would eventually be over. But he still tried his best to do as much good as he possibly could, he tried not to hold it against Wu but at the same time... He took such an enormous bullet for his brother. Wu never asked him to do it, but Garmadon wasn't even allowed to agree to it either. I can see how easy it would've been to tell himself; Wu is going to grow old and loved and happy. I won't be. I deserve something for my sacrifice, for what I did for his sake.

What does he think, what right would we have to judge me, as if I haven't already lost it all for him, as if he doesn't have to contend with how he might act under the influence of the Great Devourer?! Garmadon actually gets this little bit of happiness with Misako, even a child... And fate plays the cruelest joke, practically punishing Garmadon for this, by making this child the very Green Ninja destined to defeat him; Why not someone else, like Morro dammit?! Even so, Garmadon does everything to NOT take out his frustration on Lloyd, despite knowing Lloyd is supposed to end any chance at happiness for Garmadon by ending his life.

The introduction of the Great Devourer's venom as a plot point is interesting, because it admittedly does absolve Garmadon of his wrongdoing (or make it very easy to) by re-contextualizing it all as something he's forced to commit, yet very much does try to fight against. Him continuing to love and care for Lloyd and look for loopholes out of fighting his son, instead of just destroying him, does prove how much he's trying to avert the venom's influence anyway. He IS trying.

I think the lingering specter looming over Garmadon over his inevitable fate must've like. Made it really hard for him to be happy at times, or even dare to dream of happiness. He committed his youth to saving the world, and then was trapped in the Underworld for years. He languishes alone with only the company of people who hate him and only go along out of coercion, people who DID choose to be evil. Garmadon has his agonizing stint as the lord of darkness, but still tries to help Lloyd, and after everything is freed.

And he still tries to atone!!! He still tries to make up for everything by swearing a vow of pacifism, and only rightfully goes back on that when an innocent life, his very son he does so much for, is threatened! Garmadon is allowed like, what? A few years of happiness with his wife and child, only a few years at best of not having to worry about the future because now destiny is out of the way and it's a fresh start for him, he can actually rest and breathe easy knowing there's no guaranteed doom ahead of him.

But he's still haunted by his past, still trying to make up for it; And then he has to sacrifice himself to save everyone all over again. And Garmadon dies, but he's not even allowed to stay dead because his soul is brought back in a fractured, tormented state, by someone who idolizes and misunderstands the worst period of his life, his greatest trauma. And now Garmadon is stumbling around, half-formed, incomplete, back in that same old trap and it's just so hard... But after everything, he still goes back to the same attempts at bettering himself, going against his nature one step at a time, in all of the little ways, rebuilding himself.

But his relationship with his son, this whole time, is deeply destroyed and fractured and hurt in a way it's never been before; And he and Lloyd never really get that reconciliation at the end of Crystalized. He doesn't get to be with his wife anymore and vice-versa. Garmadon is half a soul but still trying, he's always trying to be kind and good even in the worst of circumstances, it's his most natural instinct no matter how much tries to bury it underneath.

It's just. MAN; He really isn't allowed to be happy, isn't allowed to live or settle down. Truly doomed by the narrative, and by the hype of the Lego Ninjago Movie resurrecting the image of Lord Garmadon. Garmadon isn't allowed to hope, he isn't allowed to rest or settle down, it's just a constant battle for him. Sometimes I think he must've had a moment where he was just tired of being nice despite everything the world threw at him, that maybe he deserved a chance to go ape shit against everyone's ungrateful attitude and hypocritical condemnation by just embracing the darkness, and getting to think about himself for a moment; I think the closest to that was the love letter situation with Wu and Misako. A moment like that in the Oni trilogy would've been nice to see, though it has been a long while since I've watched it, so it may have happened.

Maybe Garmadon and the Overlord could've bonded over the fact that they're both doomed to play the role that nobody wants and everyone hates, yet is explicitly required by 'the balance' to exist nonetheless. I'd have loved to see him and Harumi interact in Crystalized, given Garmadon seems actually distraught when he accidentally kills her; It'd have done nice things for both characters to explore Garmadon's feelings about someone who chooses to glamorize his evil, but also weirdly enough appreciates him over it, too?

I'd have liked to see those two actually talk about the fact that Garmadon was doomed again all over, yet unintentionally maybe given a second chance at happiness, given his attempts at rehabilitation. And how does Harumi feel about this, how does she move on when her idol also fails her in this way? Does she keep clinging to a replacement like the Overlord, or just let go? It all turned to be NOT what she expected, both with the ninja and then with Garmadon.

It's like, man. The very concept of the 'balance' between good and evil having to exist, that there can't be too much evil but there also can't be too much good, and how this latter part is never explored because it exposes how fucked up the status quo is, it's driving me insane; Hell it drives Wu, Misako, Lloyd, and even Morro insane too. Someone has to take the fall, someone has to be the scapegoat, the sacrificial martyr, and be vilified for doing something everyone needs them to do. I'd go mad. Maybe that's the real reason for the Overlord's cruelty. And what happens if you take into account the original plan for Crystalized to reveal the Overlord is just the FSM's rejected Oni side?

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

If Smiling Friends Took Stolas As A Case

I was thinking both Charlie and Pim would be hired by Stolas to cheer him up, since they already have experience cheering up Satan they would go to him. However, I do think this is where instead of coddling Stolas like Helluva Boss' narrative does it instead calls out Stolas for being a pos with a self-pitying problem.

I think Pim would feel sorry for him at first and try to give him all the emotional support. Charlie goes along with it at first but still is annoyed at how whiney Stolas is and how much he likes to freaking sing like he's in a bad 90's Disney knock off. I do think when it gets to finding out about what he did to Blitzo I believe that is when Charlie just forgoes being soft and goes gives him more of a reality check.

Yes, they would find out he has issues with his marriage and suffers mental problems, but Charlie being who he is would point out that doesn't excuse the shit he did towards his supposed love interest and think he's a saint for calling off a deal he made in the first place and not realizing how he's not entitled for him to instantly forget all the shit he's done. Also when they find out about how he's neglected his daughter in favor of his booty call and to snap at his ex that would lose him even more sympathy.

Gosh, I could so see Stolas crying and crying about why are they not understanding how it's complex and why are they chastising someone who is a victim. Charlie would just snap back just because he's been victimized doesn't prevent him from being a predatory pos who has hurt people including Blitzo and his daughter. And he would chatter the notion he's a good father by asking what his daughter thought about him pursuing Blitzo despite his affair breaking the marriage. They don't care how Stolas supposedly stayed married for her sake after she was born he could have called the marriage off. He just made himself martyr because he has delusions of being a good person despite evidence to contrary.

I do think they would aim to help, but I do think they would also aim to give this pathetic bird a reality check so that he can't stop wallowing in self-pity and actually atone for his mistakes. And again the first thing is to not expect a reward for something you did in the first place, especially when they made someone feel used and degraded. And again stop failing his daughter just because she's a teen, you say you love her but always find a way to just make more mistakes. Seriously, Charlie would all or protect Octavia at all cost thing.

[ghostinthegallery]

Re-reading Twice Dead King, the character I was most struck by on a second viewing was Mentep. Now there’s a tragic figure. Simultaneously a mentor, an ally, an antagonist, someone so terribly understandable who I want to smack upside the head for being a lying liar who lies.

Ultimately, Mentep is a penitent. He has committed terrible acts (that we only get scant details of) and he wants to redeem himself. Thanks to his tampering with his own memories, he doesn't fully know what he is repenting for, which puts him in a bind. However, he knows that he played a role in creating the flayer curse/longing sickness, so he goes to a planet where a high concentration of them have gathered and works on his cure. He's respected, he's able to do his work with only occasional interruptions from the local angsty youth. Things are good-ish (until the armada shows up.)

Mentep and Oltyx have a weird relationship. Despite being his normal asshole-teenager self, Oltyx does respect Mentep more than most. Trusts Mentep enough to let the guy perform experimental brain surgery on him. Twice. And Mentep is able to be much more candid with Oltyx in return. He's one of the few consistently calling Oltyx out for his bullshit. On the surface, it is a standard mentor relationship, but what got me on a second reading is that there is hardly a single conversation Mentep has with Oltyx where he isn’t lying to and/or manipulating him.

It starts early with Yenekh. Mentep knows Yenekh has been suffering from the curse, he hasn’t told Oltyx, and when he finally has to tell him, he conveniently does so right before distracting everyone with the “oh btw, we’re all gonna die to a giant human armada” news. This is done with the best of intentions. Mentep wants to protect Yenekh (and Oltyx, in his way), so he delivers the news this way to get the bad news out of the way and then both of them on the same side. But it is the start of a pattern.

Which we get again when Mentep fails to mention a that Antikef is a flayer den ruled by a “We have Illuminor Szeras at home” Vizier, and boy does that end badly for Oltyx (see the last 60% of Ruin). Naturally, Mentep has a good explanation:

But it is another lie, one that costs Oltyx dearly (put a pin in this, I am coming back to it.)

There's some little fibs and ommissions along the way as they go to Carnotite, but it all builds up to The Big Lie. The one that sends Oltyx spiraling and gets Mentep killed. Because you know what really helps with paranoia? Finding out your mentor and your best friend have been hiding a secret blood pit in your basement! Again, it makes sense why Mentep is lying about this! He has every reason to believe Oltyx would have rejected the flayed ones he and Yenekh were sheltering (he in fact does exactly this), and Mentep's entire goal is to cure the curse to atone for his role in its creation. However...

I think Oltyx is correct to call Mentep out here (Oltyx is wrong about most things, but not this). Somewhere a long the way he became a means to an end for Mentep. Mentep was focused on The Curse and not the person in front of him who was cursed. He used Oltyx's friendship with Yenekh, his need to save his kingdom, his trust, his fears, all in service of admirable goals, but he was using Oltyx. Is it any wonder this is where it ended?

The lies were Mentep's undoing from the start. Remember the lie about Antikef? The one that led to all the events of Ruin? Yes, Oltyx and Djoseras did talk and avoid a civil war, but Oltyx also went through hell. He saw his home turned into an abbattoir, his father reduced to barely more than an animal. Oltyx was literally vivisected and almost consumed by his own dysphoria. And then committed regicide after leaving his brother behind to die. Antikef is where Oltyx truly learned that compassion was weakness and saw how horrific the flayer curse could become. So how was he ever going to accept the flayed ones as Mentep wanted him to? Oltyx experienced the comically perfect combination of traumas to ensure that would never happen, thanks in part to Mentep's manipulations.

I cannot stress enough that Mentep's individual lies all made sense at the time. May have even been the best option, at the time. But the consequences piled up, and even as he is dying he still refuses to give Oltyx even a scrap of the truth. That is the core of his tragedy for me. Well, that and this:

He bases all of his manipulations on his understanding of people's psyche's, which are usually accurate, but it also traps them. It gives them no room to grow or surprise him or for outside factors to come in and intervene. Contrast this with Zultanekh, who is upfront to a fault. He gives Oltyx advice and resources, but what Oltyx does with those things is up to him. Even when he is screwing up royally, he's allowed to make those mistakes. Mentep causes ones of Oltyx's darkest hours (the secret blood pit), while Zultanekh lifts him out of another (the Blood Angel's attack). In the end, Zultanekh is the one who sees Oltyx's true growth and witnesses the birth of his kingdom. A birth that comes not from curing the curse but embracing it.

There was never a sickness to be fixed, which means Mentep never would have achieved his redemption because he was focused on the wrong things. Which does make his death and rebirth as Xott a bit of a reflection of Oltyx. He was too burdened in his first life, but in his second he (or at least a version of him) was able to witness the people he hurt reaching a place of peace.