#then after it finished my whole family decided to use me PREPARING for the party as a “oh you had a birthday for an entire week” bit

[quff]

did any of yall ever actually have a birthday party where people showed up and gave you gifts? or was it always sitting down to have a nice dinner with parents at a place they have to approve of.

[willowpains]

moments where their friendship blossomed

drew starkey x latina actress reader!

getting to know each other

Maddie and Drew were hosting a game night in their apartment during the first week of filming, so it was just you guys: Maddie, Drew, Madison, Chase, JD, Rudy, Austin and y/n.

It had been a few days of filming and bonding, getting to know each other and your characters, joking, etc.

But it had always been during filming, so they had decided to host a little game night to get to know each other as friends, and not in a work environment, even though it didn’t even feel like work cause we were always having fun.

They popped out some beers, pizza was ordered, many bags of chips were opened, glasses of wine were shared and everything was flowing perfectly, everyone having a wonderful time just being dumb and enjoying each others company.

“Y/n, is it hard being so far away from home? or like, in another country?” Chase asked, popping a chip on his mouth and looking at you attentively.

You shrugged while letting out a sight.

“It’s been a little hard” you said trying to find the right words to express your feelings. “I’m such a family girl, being away from my family will always be a challenge for me” your eyes meet your friends’s for a second. “But it’s not my first time, so I think I’ve been slowly preparing myself for this moment my whole life” you pause “I knew that one day this would be the price to pay to achieve my dreams”

Your friends listened and silenced and looked at you while you finished explaining how you felt.

It wasn’t hard to open up to them. It might’ve been the wine, or the energy that they exuded, making you feel comforted and that you could trust them.

“You’re gonna make me tear up” Maddie said while sipping on her wine.

You let out a laugh while she extends her hand out for you to take it, and you do, squeezing hers and giving her a smile.

“Well we’re your family now too” Drew suddenly spoke from the couch in front of you. “And we’ll be here if you need us” he said looking at you “Here for each other” he finished looking at the rest around you.

You smiled at his words, feeling your heart warm at the gesture, and at the meaning behind it. You had basically just met, but you were already so close to the group.

“Is it weird that it feels like we’ve met for longer than a week?” Madison spoke after taking a sip of her beer. “Like I know it’s not just the alcohol speaking” she giggled “I feel like I’ve known you guys for a lifetime”

Rudy clapped his hands together making us jump in our places.

“No you’re right” he said pointing to Madison “This” he motion towards the group “Just feels right”.

Austin tipped his beer bottle upwards toasting to Rudy’s words.

“Cheers to that” JD said clicking his beer with ours.

“To our new found family!” Maddie said excitedly as we all repeated her words and sipped our drinks with big smiles on our faces.

You never knew if they could tell, but that night, you went back to your place feeling like even if you were miles away from home, you were not alone.

breaking character

“Action!”

Drew and you were filming a scene for season one, where your character, a pogue named Luna who’s friends with John B and the rest of the group, is working at the midsummers party as a hostess, having to face Rafe and his kook friends before chaos begins.

“Fancy seeing you here Luna” Drew says getting into character, quickly approaching you as you stood near the windows trying to look busy with your papers in hand.

“Can I help you Rafe?” You ask moving your gaze to meet his, with a monotone voice, clearly trying to keep calm for whatever was about to come.

“Come on doll, why the long face?” He asks as he smirks, moving his hands to rest on the pockets of his pants looking at you.

You roll your eyes as you turn around and start walking away from him.

“Whoa, I’m surprised” he says with irony dripping from his voice as you feel him walking behind you. “I expected disrespect from your filthy friends, not from you” he chuckles.

You turn around sharply, almost bumping into him, giving him a, pretty unfriendly look.

“If you cannot tell, I’m busy working” you say giving him a fake smile “I’d appreciate it if you stopped wasting my precious time” you finish dropping your smile immediately.

Drew scoffs as he watches you turn around one more time, but now, his hand goes on to grab your wrist, holding you in place a little bit longer.

“I’m not done talking to you Luna” he murmured under his breath looking you dead in the eye. “Why you’re so aggressive all of a sudden?”

It was your turn to scoff at him.

“You treat my friends like shit Rafe” you whisper angrily at him, trying not to talk too loud. Your character scared to loose her job. “You treat us like we’re below you and I’m tired”.

You make a move to release your hand from his hold but he doesn’t budge.

“I’ve never done anything to you” he whispers low and slow at you as he holds eye contact.

You take a moment to look at him before answering him.

“Every time you do something to them” you gesture to nobody in particular, just outside, where you knew the rest of the party gathered. “You’re doing it to me”

You make a move to turn around and leave once again, but his grip refused to let you go, and you try to yank your hand away.

“Stop it” you say whispering, your patience running low as you look at him.

“Look I…” he moves a little closer to you, and you notice the desperate look in his eyes.

But before he can speak any further, Rudy, playing JJ, walks hurriedly behind you as he’s being chased by some other guys playing kooks.

“JJ what are you…?” You are not able to finish your question towards him, as he’s moving faster away from you.

Rudy glances back as he gives you a look like he has it all under control.

“Luna, get the crew! We gotta move!” He screams, causing more commotion around him as he stumbles upon a couple of people, mumbling apologies, before he disappears into a hallway and a couple of kooks follow behind.

Drew drops your hand grumbling and mumbling out words under his breath that you cannot make out.

“We’ll continue our conversation later” he says with a stressed tone, as he makes a move to follow where Rudy had just disappeared.

Now it was your time to take a hold of his arm, trying to stop him.

“Leave him alone Rafe” you say, trying to sound as threatening as possible.

Drew scoffs and easily yanks his arm out of your hold as he turns to start sprinting to where the other kooks had gone.

But as he takes a step forward, he somehow slips and trips, hitting the floor before you can even reach out for him, his shoes making a lot of sound against the wooden floors.

“Oh shit” Drew says as he’s unable to save himself from the fall, and just tries to put his arms out to protect himself a little better from the fall.

Without thinking, a gasp leaves your mouth as you watch him fall in front of your eyes.

You wait a couple of seconds before covering your mouth while looking at him on the floor, debating on whether to help him up or stay in place to salvage the scene.

In that moment, laughter can be heard behind the camera, and that’s your cue to walk to Drew on the floor, as you lean down and crouch next to him before exploding in laughter.

“Are you okay?” You ask between giggles, looking at him now fully laying down laughing.

He nodded while he covered his eyes and continued laughing at himself.

“God that was embarrassing” he says as he sits up and you gently pat him on the back helping him up, still remembering how he fell down.

You turn around and point to the camera.

“Please keep it in the blooper reel!” You scream at the crew behind the camera, turning to look at it while you point to Drew.

Everyone around you two starts laughing even more, as Drew groans next to you and nudges your arm playfully.

“I just fell down! Give me a break” he says to you as he takes his hands through his hair, trying to fix it as he continues laughing.

You place your hands over your stomach as you crouch in laughter, not being able to keep it together.

“I’m so sorry” you say, feeling like you could pee yourself from laughter.

“That funny huh?” Drew asks as he slowly stands up and and dusts off his pants. “Well, someone needs to show me the scene now” he laughed.

People on set and behind the camera chuckled at his words.

He offered you a hand as you looked him up from your position crouched on the floor, trying to regain your breath.

“You just made my day” you say, accepting his hand as he pulls you up gently until you’re both standing up.

He smiles at you as he looks down chuckling.

“At least something good came out of it” he says sarcastically while he shoves me away playfully and laughs.

tomfoolery

It was late at night. Who knew what time during midnight, and you all were still stuck filming.

Night shoots were usually fun.

Except you’d been filming all day, and now all night, without breaks.

To say you were all tired, it was an understatement.

But you had all reached the point past tiredness, where now, you were basically delusional from sleep deprivation.

Laughing, making terrible jokes that almost made you pee your pants, singing songs off key with wrong lyrics, and many other things.

Right now, you were all waiting to be called for a scene, except Maddie and Chase, because they were currently filming. While JD, Madison, Rudy and Austin were sleeping, ones on the floor, and other on their chairs.

Drew and you were the ones pulling an all nighter, having a battle on who out of the group could last longer awake, and on their right state of mind.

As you could see, some of your friends had already lost.

“I’m gonna put you on a great song” you say pulling out your phone from your pocket, while scrolling on Spotify.

Drew groaned while he threw his head back.

“I know it’s a reggaeton song” he says groaning while closing his eyes, resting them for a bit.

You giggled slightly at how well he knew you.

It was a you thing at this point.

Coming up to all of your friends often and trying to introduce them to reggaeton. It was like you were inviting them to join to your cult or something. They all made fun of you for it.

“You’re gonna love it, I promise” you say standing up from your chair and walking to Drew’s, hitting play and moving your hand around your phone speaker to try and make it louder.

You were playing Callaita, by Bad Bunny and Tainy, a very popular song at the time that made you wanna dance immediately.

He took out his phone and began filming how you were vibing to the song, moving your hips doing a very bad Shakira impression, while you mouthed the words without missing a beat, Drew laughing hysterically behind the camera.

“Wait what’s it saying?” He asks as he continues filming you.

You walked closer to him, getting really close to the camera while you continued singing and hitting each word right.

“You don’t wanna know” you say while breaking down and laughing hysterically on the floor.

Drew made sure he was capturing everything, you would all laugh about it later.

Suddenly, a loud shush from behind made you both look at the source of the sound.

Austin was looking disheveled and sleepy, as he looked at your position on the floor, giving you a dirty look as he went back to sleep after asking you to please tone it down.

Drew zoomed in on his face while he woke up, and then, moved the camera to film yours, that was wide eyed and trying to hold back a huge giggle.

You broke out in low laughter as you covered your face and hid in your jacket, trying to muffle your sounds not wanting to disturb anyone else.

Drew cut the video shortly after he captured your body wheezing of laughter on the floor and he couldn’t contain his own any longer.

“Enough reggaeton” he said after a few minutes of you two trying to regain your composure and going back to laughing and failing terribly.

“Boooo” you said wiping your laughing tears away as you looked up at him from your position on the floor, almost next to his feet.

“Let’s listen to some Arctic Monkeys now” he says as he searches for a song on his phone.

You giggle as you pause your own music and look at him.

“So we’re still on slutty music, but now in English huh?” You let out while you raise your eyebrows at him.

He looks at you for a second before bursting out in laughter again.

It’s safe to say your friends were pissed at you for waking them up from their sleep a few times.

nights out

The cast had decided to go out to a bar in Charleston to celebrate the wrap up on filming the first season of Outer Banks.

You were all around a table, already a few drinks in, snacking on chips and fries while talking and reminiscing on everyone’s favorite moments from set.

“We should all go around the table and say something we’re grateful about this project and meeting each other” Madison spoke suddenly catching our attention. “We don’t know if we’ll ever get to work again together, but now that we’re done filming, it just feels fitting”.

Everyone agreed and as Madison was the one with the idea, she was the one that kicked off the dynamic.

She started by saying how grateful and lucky she felt about the opportunity and getting to know each and every one of you.

When they started mentioning different things they came to love about each other, your heart swelled with love for your friends.

They all had said the most loveliest things about you.

Madison said she admired your bravery and pride in being truly yourself without holding back anything, that she wished she could’ve learned to be like you sooner in her life.

Chase told you he was grateful for your taste in music, that he didn’t know all that he was missing on all along.

JD surprised you by saying how much of a sister he saw in you, that he had connected and bonded on a lot of family struggles you both had gone through.

Austin said that your late night talking sessions were one of the highlights of his time, that he appreciated how you always listened, without judgement.

Rudy expressed how amazed he was by your ability to get a laugh out of everyone in the group. That you definitely were the funniest and he would miss your sense of humor.

Madelyn’s words made your heart swell and almost shed a few tears.

She told you how much she loved you. That she didn’t know she could form a bond so deep and so meaningful with someone in such a short period of time. She had always had this deep longing in her chest for a friend where the bond could feel like sisterhood, where there were no envy, competition, and more so support, laughs, girl talks, and all that stuff. And that wherever your life would take each of you, you were now stuck together.

They had all made you feel more than loved and appreciated.

It was your turn to speak.

You thanked everyone for all you had learned, and went on saying everything you admired from each and every single one of them.

When it came to Drew, you said it all.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so selfless and giving as you” you told him while smiling at him across the table. “I don’t think you noticed, but every day we shared together, you taught me a little bit more about being able to share a piece of me without waiting for anything in return”.

Drew smiled at you while he listened with attentive eyes.

“I have to say i always looked for the moments in the day were we could just talk from something important to absolute nonsense” you paused gathering your thoughts. “Because something about you, ever since we met, has felt so calming” you looked at him “And I found myself looking for the peace you brought to me all the time”.

His cheeks reddened and you asked yourself if it was possible that he could look any more adorable.

“Thank you for letting me in your life Drew, I won’t ever take it for granted” you finished as you took a sip of your drink before continuing.

You breathed deeply before looking at all of your friends.

“I believe this project has had the biggest butterfly effect in my life so far” you say. “I don’t know how our show will do, and I can only hope that it goes great, so I can have the pleasure of working with you all again” you laughed with them as you crossed your fingers. “But what I do know, is that I am so grateful that our paths have crossed, and that now I have you all in my life, because I’ve learned from you and I’ve experienced things that I’ll take with me forever” you finished as you cheered rising your drink and smiling at your friends.

They all cheered and sipped to your words.

Because they felt the same.

And at last, but very not least, came Drew’s turn.

As always, he took his time saying sweet words about all of your friends, leaving you to the end.

He sighed as he looked at you before clearing his throat.

“Y/n, where do I even begin” he said smiling at you. “You’ve surprised me in more ways that I can even mention”

You smiled back at him as you felt your heart warm with affection.

“I couldn’t quite read you at the beginning, and I’m happy to say that you have turned out to be one of the biggest plot twists in my life” he said, making everyone in the table laugh, while your cheeks blushed at the compliment. “I never expected to meet someone like you, you have been amazing to me, always there to ask how I am, to listen if needed, to crack a joke and get a laugh out of me, to recommend me the newest book you’ve discovered, to ask if I wanted to watch a movie, to help me do groceries, the list could go on forever” he paused. “And I know we all have been lucky to have you in our lives thanks to this project”

Tears welled up in your eyes as he continued pouring his heart out.

“I have to be honest and say I’m truly terrified of this coming to an end” he motions towards the group and lays his eyes on you once again. “I don’t wanna lose this bond that we’ve built with each other”

You nodded at his words, listening attentively at him.

“And I definitely don’t wanna think about having to go a day without listening to you talk about the next book you wanna buy” he said smiling at you. “Because now that I’ve experienced what’s it like to have someone like you in my life, I don’t wanna go back”.

You stood up from your chair, and rounded the table until you stood next to him and enveloped him in a hug, resting your cheek against his chest.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around you.

“Your words were so kind” you whispered, still holding on to him. “Thank you”

Drew’s chest rumbled as he let out a soft laugh, still enveloping you between his arms, as he leaned back a bit to look at you.

“Nothing but the truth” he smiled at you.

*

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!

hope you liked getting to know her a little bit better and her relationship with drew and the cast<3

let me know if you wanna read or see anything in particular about latina actress reader!

[cameronswiftie]

Where The Ocean Waves Met My Anxious Heart And Your Strong Embrace

wc: around 1.5k

warnings: reader almost drowning (as a flashback), mentions of fear of death, panic attack, written in 1st person, english is not my first language, ooc rafe?, fluff, not fully proofread

a/n: AAAA my first fic and i am not sure how to feel about it. truly hope it makes sense. comment if you want to be added to the taglist for future fics (ideally would love to put out one fic every week but we'll see how that goes ;-; )!! if you liked this, please comment and reblog <333

p.s. can't decide if the title fits this at all

~

I never liked him. In fact, I want to gag anytime the name ‘Rafe Cameron’ leaves someone's mouth. He had somehow (unsurprisingly) lived up to his title in the Outer Banks, the Kook Prince. An arrogant and cocky asshole was all that he was to me.

I never really cared about the whole Pogues and Kooks thing. I was friends with both, in fact Kie, Pope, John B and JJ were some of my closest friends. Just because I live in Figure Eight, doesn’t make me better than those who live on the Cut. That is what my parents always taught me, since both of them also used to be Pogues.

But I was never gonna live it down when it came to the eldest Cameron offspring. He always calls me ‘the rip-off Kook’.

Sarah and I have been best friends since forever, but I never got along with Rafe. Ever. Even when we were kids, he always annoyed me, trying and often succeeding at pissing me off or upsetting me. 

You would think that we would’ve grown out of our childish antics as time went on, but it only got worse. We could never pass each other without sending glares or saying snarky remarks.

It’s a Friday night in late June. My family and I are at Cameron's for our annual summer barbecue. 

I had left my camera there a couple days prior after a sleepover with Sarah. As always, I was tasked to document the gathering, so I went inside to look for it.

And that is why I found myself in Rafe’s room, looking for my camera, that Sarah had left there for some unknown reason to me.

I had been in there a couple times before, but I never had the chance to check it out completely.

I was surprised to find the wall behind his bed covered in photos. Was he also into photography?

My eyes drifted to the window that overlooked the front yard of Tannyhill. 

There was soft music playing, as our families were conversing, sipping on wine and enjoying the food. My need to capture this moment became unignorable. But as I turned to grab my camera from his desk, I saw Rafe standing behind me. I flinch from his presence.

“Jesus, can you not creep upon people like that?” I say.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he answers, a lazy smirk on his lips.

I roll my eyes at the nickname, turning back to the window.

“What are you doing in my room, Y/L/N?” he asks, as he moves to stand next to me.

“Came to get this,” I picked up the camera from the desk and prepared to snap the photo I was planning on taking before Rafe interrupted me.

“I find it hard to believe that you only came to take your camera, you wanted to snoop and find something to blackmail me with,” he says, jokingly accusing me with a smirk on his face.

“Oh Cameron, I have known you for over a decade, pretty sure I have enough dirt on you as it is,” I laugh slightly, as I adjust the camera settings.

“Really, because in all these years you have never used it on me.” 

“Knowledge is power, Rafael. Don’t expect me to play all of my cards out at once,” I say, zooming in a little bit on the party in the yard.

Once I’m finished taking the photos, I turn to Rafe, finding him already staring at me. I’m used to receiving glares from him, but this time his eyes held something else. An emotion I can’t describe. His gaze was intense.

Feeling a little uncomfortable, I turned to look at the photo covered wall.

“I didn’t know you were into photography,” I say, absentmindedly admiring each photo.

Rafe looks down at his shoes, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I, uh, always wanted to try it and I ended up liking it a lot.”

My eyes settle on one particular photo. It’s a photo of the ocean, which appears to be right before the storm.

I look at the date in the bottom right corner and my body freezes. 

I can feel the water filling my lungs and I can hear the storm again. The fear of death clouds my brain. 

All of a sudden I’m hiccuping for breaths and I feel my legs give out.

…

It was supposed to be a stupid dare, but my stubbornness knows no boundaries. 

When JJ jokingly challenged me to surf in the storm, I should’ve just laughed it off, but I didn’t.

Everything was going well, until the wave threw me off the board and I was pushed underwater.

The storm had gotten stronger, so did the waves, and I could barely breathe in when I came up, as another wave pushed me below the surface. Safe to say I was drowning. 

I was so scared, but I couldn’t scream out for help. My limbs were burning from trying to stay above water and slowly I gave in. 

Suddenly, I felt strong arms wrap around me and attempt to pull me out.

Then it all went black.

…

I felt Rafe’s arms wrap around me to keep me from falling as I choked out a sob. It was like I was experiencing that day all over again. I couldn’t breathe properly and I was shaking like crazy.

“Hey, Y/N, hey! Look at me. You’re safe, you’re not in the water. Just breathe.”

His proximity, my almost drowning, it was too much for me. I tried to wriggle out his grip, failing, as his arms around me only tightened.

“It’s okay, you are safe. I am here.”

I finally let myself collapse into him, sobbing into his chest. He started to rub my back soothingly, while whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

The blurry images of the waves crashing still flooded my brain.

“I thought I was gonna die,” I sobbed

His arms only tightened around me hearing that sentence.

Once I was calm enough, I pulled away slightly. Rafe was already staring at me, and once again, I couldn’t describe the emotion behind his eyes. Was it pityness? Worry? Or was it care?

No, there is no way he cares about me. We hate each other. Right?

I find myself staring back into his captivating blue eyes.

And then the puzzle pieces start falling into place.

“You saved me that day,” I state, my eyes widening with the realization.

Rafe looks away, his hold on me loosening. 

Oh my god. That’s why he knew what my panic attack was about. That’s why after the accident he didn’t talk to me for weeks. Does he actually care about me?

“Rafe, why did you never tell me?” I ask, my hand on his jaw, turning his head so he looks at me.

He sighs, before getting up and walking towards his photo covered wall. He takes off the picture of the ocean from the wall and gestures to me to sit on his bed. 

“I, uh,” he starts nervously, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want things to change between us."

I sat down in front of him, waiting for him to elaborate, nervous as to where this was going.

“Y/N, no matter what happened, you were always there to call me out on my bullshit, whether that was treating my sister poorly or bullying others. You always knew how to put me in my place and I didn’t want that to change.” 

I look at him, surprised. 

The boy who pulled on my braids in elementary school, the boy who knew which buttons to push to annoy me, that same boy was now sitting in front of me telling me that I am the only thing in his life that he can count on.

He worriedly flips the photo to the other side and hands it to me. I take it and look at the writing on the back of it.

Once I read it, it didn’t take long for our lips to meet for a gentle kiss that is filled with years of pent up emotions and feelings that we didn’t know were there.

His hands are gently cupping my face, as if he was afraid I would break.

When we break apart, a little breathless and dizzy, I once again look at the inscription of the photo and I know that I have never been so sure about something in my life before. Somehow everything that had happened over the last 10 years made perfect sense. And even the accident made sense, because without it, we wouldn’t be here right now smiling shyly at each other.

On the back of the photo, in squiggly handwriting, were written 6 words.

The day I almost lost her.

~

@winterrrnight @h34rtsformilli

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

The Best Present

An: Today is Kenny’s birthday so of course I had to write something!

(Kenny Is referred to as Tyson)

Summary: Spending Tyson’s 40th  birthday with fem reader and their 1 year old daughter Violet!

Word count: 682

Tyson hated his birthday. Every year was the same, he didn’t want a party but I would convince him and of course he would have a good time. This year however was a special year, this year Tyson would be turning 40 and I knew that terrified him. I tried to plan a big party with all of our friends and family but of course Ty hated the idea. So we would celebrate his big day with just the two of us and our one year old daughter Violet  until Wednesday when we would go out to dinner after dynamite with friends to celebrate. 

I didn’t quite understand why he didn’t like to celebrate his birthday, I know most people don’t like their birthday but Tyson was different. It was almost like he was embarrassed of it. 

I woke up bright and early and started working on a cake for Ty. His only request each year was for me to make him a german chocolate cake and let him sleep in. This would mark the 10th german chocolate cake I would make for his special day and each year it seemed to get more special. Tyson claimed to love my cake, I thought he was just lying at first, since my baking skills can be questionable at times but 10 years of the exact same cake would say otherwise. Unless he is just extremely committed to the lie. 

After I put the cake in the oven I decided to make a nice breakfast as I waited for Tyson to wake up. As if on cue, he came downstairs right as I finished setting the table. You could tell that he was exhausted but nonetheless he still looked just as handsome. 

“Good morning birthday boy!” I said in a gentle tone, embracing him in a hug

“Good morning” He replied half asleep. “Did you do this for me?” Tyson asked, looking towards the feast laid out on the table. 

“Of course, anything for you my love” I said as I placed a kiss on his cheek. I turned to grab a fresh cup of coffee to give Tyson but it was almost like he vanished into thin air. Not thinking too much about it, I went back to preparing things in the kitchen until I heard noise coming from the baby monitor. I quickly realized that it was Tyson, who seemed to be talking with Violet. 

“Hi, my angel. I hope you had an amazing sleep” Everynow and then I would catch Ty talking with Violet and it always made me smile. Just then I heard Violet say “Birthday”, it wasn’t perfect but she definitely said it. I was internally high fiving myself, I had spent weeks trying to teach her the word for Tyson’s big day. 

“Yeah, it is my birthday. You are so smart Violet” I could hear his voice crack a bit as he spoke.  

“I must say you are the best present. I wish I had you years ago, I don’t know what I would have done without you Violet” I could hear his voice start to tremble as he spoke and I could feel my throat start to get dry. 

“Come on Violet, let’s go see Mom before she starts to wonder where we are” I could hear them start to make their way back to the kitchen so I ran back to the table, pretending that I didn’t hear the whole conversation. 

“There you are, good morning Violet!” I said as I approached the pair, giving them both a hug and kiss. “Who’s ready for some breakfast?” I asked as I took Violet from Tyson, putting her in her high chair. 

“Y/n?” 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you” Tyson said, as he held me in a tight embrace 

“For what?” I asked, playing dumb

“For everything, I really don’t deserve any of this”

“Yes you do, stop saying that alright. I love you so much, okay. Like a ridiculously amount alright. And I will continue to love you for the rest of my life Tyson!” 

“Y/n?” 

“Yeah?”

“I think I want to have another baby with you” 

“What?”

[dutchvanwinkle]

Mr Van der Linde Pt. 10 - Dutch x Reader

This is it, angels! The last chapter of the Mr Van der Linde mini-fic. This has been an absolute joy to write, thank you for allowing me to indulge in my fantasy and for being the most wonderful group of enablers a writer could ever ask for. The response to this story has been much more than I expected, and I’ve had the best time sharing it with you. Thank you endlessly for your support and hype <3

It's on ao3, if you'd rather read there!

Summary: You deal with the consequences of your actions.

Word count: 9,037

Content warnings: smoking, drug use

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | PART 9 | PART 10

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You’d blocked Dutch’s number. It was the only thing left to do.  

It was the first action you took upon getting on that train. You knew that if you heard his voice or read a single word from him, you’d cave.

The level of agony you felt was like nothing you’d ever experienced. Your heart was broken, so much so that you were surprised the thing was still able to beat. All of a sudden, two of the most important people in your life were strangers. The man you loved, and your best friend.  

God, you missed them.  

You missed John’s laugh down the phone, or the way his eyes grew heavy after he’d had one too many drinks. You missed the way he’d snuggle into you while hungover or come and see you just so you could sit in a comfortable silence together. He was about to become a father, and there you went piling more stress onto his already heavy load.  

It didn’t bear thinking about how much you missed Dutch. It was too painful to even list the things you loved the most about him, that you knew you’d never get to experience again.  

It was a miracle that your other friends were still speaking to you. The boys had been quiet, siding more so with John but not quite willing to cut you out completely. The girls still got in touch with you regularly, and you weren’t sure what you’d do with yourself if they didn’t.  

Abigail updated you on her pregnancy over the next few weeks, and it was like a knife to the chest at the realisation that you wouldn’t even be able to meet her baby, at least not for a long time.  

She and Karen had been distraught when you announced the news that you weren’t going to attend graduation, but you’d thought it through for long enough. Everyone would be there, family members included. You daren’t even think about how awkward the whole affair would be. Not going was the most sensible thing you could do, and being sensible was at the top of your current list of priorities.  

You’d received a call a week after the party from the job you interviewed for and were offered a place. Without the ability to share the news with those you wanted to hear it most, it’d only made you more depressed.  

It’d taken you a few days to type out the message to John. You started off by saying you were only going to try getting in touch with him this once since you couldn’t bring yourself to ask for his forgiveness; you knew it wasn’t something you deserved. Then, you’d explained how it happened. Sparing him the details, of course, you ran through the timeline of your and Dutch's relationship and gave him the full truth. It felt false and cliché when you started talking about how you hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it was true. To a point. You’d finished off by saying that you would always be there for him, should he ever decide he wanted to interact with you again. Then you clarified that you’d never expect him to and offered him one final apology.  

He’d read it not long after, and you were already prepared for him not to reply, so it wasn’t too much of a bluster when it went unanswered. There was a small, naïve part of you that clung to the possibility that he could, though.  

Graduation was one week away. You wanted it over with, even though you weren’t going, and had planned to take a social media break while everyone posted their smiling photos with relatives and friends.   

Curled up in bed, hiding from the world under your duvet was your most recent pastime as of late, you huffed and shut the book you weren’t able to read. Ever since that day at the Van der Linde’s, you had an awful tension headache that wouldn’t shift no matter what you did. So instead, you shut your eyes, hoping you’d fall into a nap to pass the time.  

After a few minutes, your phone began vibrating and with a tired grunt, you leaned over, becoming instantly more alert at the name that was on your screen.  

John.  

You held the phone in your hands like it would explode if you moved it too harshly, staring at the screen until the call rang out and the vibrating stopped.  

It had to have been an accident. You didn’t want to deal with the awkward scenario of picking up, to be faced with a spluttering John explaining it was a mistake. Then your phone buzzed again, this time with a message.  

Call me when you’re free.  

It was the longest you’d gone without breathing, your body forgetting its most basic survival instinct and going into complete shock. He was finally ready to yell at you, to call you all the names under the sun and explain how badly he wished he’d never met you. You wanted to throw the whole phone away, but he deserved the chance to have a go at you if it’s what he wanted, and you took a deep breath before pressing the call button by his name.  

Time had never moved as slowly as it had during the three rings that elapsed before they stopped, and then John spoke through the phone.  

“Hey.”  

Hearing his voice was enough to make you tear up, but you cleared your throat and willing yourself to remain steady. “Hi.”  

John sighed, and you could only imagine how nauseating it was for him to have to interact with you. “Abigail said you’re not coming to graduation.”  

“No, I’m not.”  

He sighed again, finding his words. “That don’t seem fair.”  

Your eyebrows pulled together, unable to make sense of where this conversation was going. “I don’t reckon I deserve fair,” you said, immediately hearing how self-pitying you sounded. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go anyway.”  

“We both know that’s not true.”  

“It doesn’t matter.” After a beat of silence, your emotions got the better of you. “John, I’m so sorry -”  

“Don’t.” He was stern but softened his voice for his next sentence. “I know we need to talk, but not like this.”  

Unsure what to say, you decided to allow John some room to speak further.  

“Come to graduation. We’re all staying at the house the night before,” you knew that already, just because you didn’t respond in the group chat didn’t mean you weren’t reading the messages, “before we have to pack up and leave.”  

The mere thought of being there with everyone, seeing them all with their families and then seeing Dutch too was enough to send your brain into overdrive. “I can’t.”  

“It won’t be the same without you.”  

You pressed your lips together, hoping to keep your composure just a little while longer. “John, I’m confused. Aren’t you mad at me? Don’t you hate me?”  

“Yes. Mad at you, I mean. I don’t hate you though. Trust me, I tried to,” he sounded reluctant to admit to it. “I’ve had time to think. And I know I’ll regret it if I know I didn’t at least try to get you to come.”  

“You know, I think I’d prefer it if you yelled at me.”  

John laughed mirthlessly. “Part of me wants to, but... it won’t do no good.”  

The silence hung between you, and despite all the things you wanted to say to him, you couldn’t find a single word.  

“Look,” he began. “You still mean a lot to me. You worked hard on this degree and truthfully... I wouldn’t have got mine if it weren’t for you. I want you there with me.”  

You choked, because you didn’t deserve him being so kind and he repeated your name for you to just nod, even though he obviously couldn’t see you. “Sorry,” you whispered, and while it was an apology for your lack of response, you used it as a chance to let out some of the apology hoard you had stored up.  

“Just come, alright? You can leave early if you want. Besides, the others want to see you too.”  

After a shaky breath, you decided it was worth a shot. Even if you went to the house the night before and didn’t attend the ceremony, it was worth a try. You said you’d try to rectify it if you could, and this could be the chance to take the first few steps towards that goal. “Alright. I’ll come.”  

Some of the tension dissipated through the phone, and you waited for John’s response. “Okay. See you next week.”  

Then he hung up.  

After the call ended, your phone navigated to the most recently used app, and you were met with your recent search history, mainly along the lines of can a person run out of tears and is anyone close to inventing time travel yet.  

Had that just happened? You checked the call logs to confirm that yes, it had. John had called you. He hadn’t yelled at you. He hadn’t so much as berated you. He said you meant a lot to him. He said he wanted to talk to you and see you at graduation.  

Holy shit. Your apprehension about not going was immeasurable compared with your apprehension about actually going.  

-

The entire train journey back to university had been spent with you fidgeting, your mind going a million miles an hour at the prospect of what you were about to face.   Karen and Abigail were overjoyed you’d agreed to come, and you had a sneaky suspicion Abigail had played a part in convincing John to get in touch with you, even if she wouldn’t admit it.  

Instead of taking a bus to your rented house like you usually would, you decided to take the walk to stretch your legs, get some fresh air, and prepare yourself for whatever greeted you when you got there.  

But when you did, it still wasn’t enough time. Panic seeped into your veins and your breaths grew short, so you took a seat on the half-wall that acted as a border around your poor excuse for a front garden.   No matter what, you couldn’t still your hands, and reluctantly pulled a cigarette out of the pack that resided in your pocket. You lit it, and once you were halfway done, you heard the front door open behind you.  

You daren’t look around, not wanting to face whoever had caught you wallowing in your guilt.  

But the door clicked shut, and footsteps down the front path preluded John taking a seat beside you.   

“I thought you only smoked casually.”  

“It helps,” you flicked the ash away, not meeting John’s face. “A little.”  

“I see.”  

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, keeping your gaze fixed on the floor with not a single clue on how to have this conversation.   

“How long you plan on sitting out here?” John asked.  

“Not sure,” you mumbled.  

“You know you can’t stay here forever.”  

After a short nod, you plucked up the courage to shift your gaze from the floor and to John. Your dismal state must’ve shown on your face, as he looked at you pitifully. “It's so fucked up,” you began, the tension needling under your skin. “I know it is, I’m so sorry. Sorrier than I know how to express.”   

“I believe you.”  

Why must he be so calm? Where was the John you knew, the one who’d pick a fight at the first opportunity – the one who’d slammed the door open when he’d caught you in the act? “Just yell at me or something, please. I can’t take it.”  

“Don’t rightly think I can, you looking all forlorn as you are,” he hummed, drumming his fingertips on the wall.  

Your face was already a permanent frown, but you felt it deepen. All you wanted to do was cry, even if that was the only thing you’d done over the past few weeks. It seemed a person couldn’t run out of tears, after all.  

John edged closer, and you immediately shook your head. “No, don’t comfort me, I don’t deserve it.”  

“You always do beat yourself up over stuff,” he scoffed gently.  

“No, John. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”  

“You don’t gotta keep saying that.”  

“I don’t know what else I can say.”  

He let out a short breath, stretching his neck out. “I do have one question for you.”  

Your nod in response was almost eager, willing to answer anything he asked.  

“Would you take it back if you could?  

“I –” you stopped to take a breath. “Yeah, of course.”  

“Funny.”  

“Why funny?”  

“Dad said he wouldn’t. And he said that’s what he was the sorriest about, that he’d do it all again given the chance.”  

You weren’t sure what to say, your heart clutching to hear such a thing but not wanting to show it on your face. You’d wondered how he’d taken the whole thing, the urge to ask Abigail had been strong but you knew you wouldn’t have been able to bear the answer either way. It didn't bear thinking about how much you missed him.  

“I have another question.”  

“Shoot.”  

“More of a clarification.”  

“Okay.”  

“You really are in love with each other, aren’t you?”  

You swallowed, shaking your head to look at your lap but you weren’t saying no, and John knew that. “It’s... I...” you sighed, having no more lies left in you. You met John’s concerned gaze.  

“It's okay,” he reassured stiffly.  

“No, it’s not okay. Nothing about it is okay. You mean the world to me,” you pressed your lips together to stop them from quivering as tears gathered in your eyes once more. “None of it matters now,” you added dejectedly.  

John shifted beside you, finally taking his gaze away and instead planting it somewhere ahead of him. “I think it does.”  

“What do you mean?” you asked quietly.  

“He’s been... Well, he’s not been good. He’s sorry, to me, but mainly he’s... Heartbroken, I guess. He’s been so happy recently, we’ve all noticed it, and now he’s just... Not.”  

It pained you to hear how hurt he was. Knowing you were the cause of his pain, denying him even a single word turned your stomach even more. “Oh, I’m... Sorry.”  

John sighed. “I want him to be happy. And I want you to be happy. That’s what means the most to me.”  

“I’m sure we’ll both be fine, eventually. Like I said, it’s not important how either of us feel. We did an awful fucking thing, and I guess we both deserve to feel like shit.”  

“That’s just it,” John paused as you stubbed out your cig with your foot, “maybe being happy is what you deserve.”  

You glanced at him, trepidation and anxiety set into his features. He looked so much older, somehow.  

“I’m not saying I’ve forgiven you. Certainly ain’t forgiven him. I’m not saying I’m your biggest fan right now, either. But I just need a bit of time to get used to it. It ain’t worth losing you,” he said pointedly. “You know what my momma said to me, before she passed?”   John seldom spoke of his mother, and your ears perked up at the privilege of being his audience. “She said one day, he was gonna love someone again. Said she knew it was hard to hear, hard to imagine him moving on, but that he wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t have someone to love. He loves love. Just the way he is. She also said it’d take him a good long while, and it did – I ain’t never seen him in a relationship since her. In her eyes, that meant that when he finally did move on, it would be with someone I could trust. She told me when the time came, to trust him. And to trust that the person he chose would be someone who cared for me, someone I could rely on.”  

Your eyes were brimming by that point, but you didn’t want to do him the disservice of looking away while he was being so raw.   

“She was right,” John shrugged.  

“You really look at what I’ve done,” you said hoarsely, fighting away a sob, “as the action of someone who cares for you? John, if I cared about you I would never have even let the thought cross my mind.”  

“Alright,” he nodded, a challenge, “what about everything else you’ve done in the last few years?”  

You blinked at him.  

“What about when you set me up with Abigail? What about when you convinced me to carry on at uni, even though I wanted to drop out? What about all the times you’ve looked after me when I was too drunk to see? What about all those deep chats we had late at night? What about when Abigail said she was keeping the baby, and you stayed up with me half the night until I finally slept?”  

You didn’t have a response for him.  

“I can’t forget all of that,” he said evenly, “even if right now I am mad at you. I know you, I know that you didn’t intend to hurt me with any of this.”  

“When did you get so grown up?” your face scrunched, John’s words a soothing balm over your open wounds.  

“Can’t expect my kid to turn out alright if I’m still acting like one.”  

“Makes sense.”  

“I’m not saying it won’t be weird, but... I can learn to deal with it.”  

You looked at him with mild incredulity, hardly believing the words coming out of his mouth. “You can’t be serious.”  

“I am.”  

Again, your eyes filled up and you couldn’t stop the tears, holding your fingertips under your eyes to catch them.  

John shuffled closer once again and hesitated, but then put his arm around your shoulders, and you didn’t have it in you to resist nestling into his embrace. “Goddamnit woman,” he scoffed, his voice lighter and more familiar, “will you quit crying already?”  

“Can’t help it,” you sniffed.  

John rested his head on top of yours and you squeezed your eyes shut, wondering what you did to deserve such a wonderful friend.  

After a time, when your tears had dried and your breathing regulated, the two of you ventured inside and were greeted with the sight of your four other friends lazing around in the living room.  

You looked at them sheepishly, but they smiled in response, seemingly relieved to see you and John on the way to being on good terms.  

At first, it was uncomfortable. The situation was somewhat of an elephant in the room, but it didn’t seem like anyone was up for bringing up the topic. These were your final days altogether, the last remaining part of your lives that made you students. After this, while you’d remain friends, you’d never be living together all under the same roof again. You didn’t need another excuse to cry, so you didn’t spend any more time chasing that train of thought.  

Eventually, the conversation flowed easier, and it was almost like you were existing in a time months ago, where you hadn’t made any terrible choices and your friends hadn’t found out about them.  

“Still can’t believe we’re meeting your infamous da,” Abigail mocked Sean, who grinned back at her.  

“Oh, he’s excited to meet the lot of you, too. I assured him you weren’t all a pompous bunch.”  

“My dad’s coming too. Hey,” Javier pointed at you, “make sure you don’t fuck him.”  

You glared at Javier, but at the snorts of laughter around the room you couldn’t help but break into a reluctantly amused smirk. “I have no intention of doing such a thing.”  

“Did you have the intention to fuck Mr Van der Linde?”  

“Can we not.”  

Thankfully, even John was laughing, and while you thought the subject was still too tender to poke fun at, you agreed that this may be the easy way of getting it out in the open.  

“Hey,” John said, “part of the deal with you fucking my dad is that we’re allowed to tease you for it.”  

You shrunk into your seat. “I was not aware of that condition.”   

“No? Would you like my permission to be revoked?”  

You huffed, thoroughly left without a leg to stand on. “No. Fine.”  

Denying John the right to hold this over you, likely for the rest of your life, wasn’t something you could do. If he had to pick on you and tease you, then you’d allow it, so long as it meant the two of you could remain friends.  

The six of you settled into a familiar rhythm, laughing and joking until you were all too tired to continue.  

-

When morning came around and you and the girls began getting ready together, your heart tugged at just how much you valued your sisterhood with them. Despite it all, they’d remained your friends, checked up on you, and attempted to provide a sense of normalcy in your life.  

“Are you nervous?” Abigail spoke into the concentrated silence, all three of you working on your makeup.  

You glanced in your propped-up mirror to see her reflection behind you, awaiting a response. “I assume you’re not talking about walking across the stage.”  

She shook her head in the negative.   Given the past few weeks, you’d had enough practice banishing thoughts of Dutch from your mind that you’d grown rather good at it. That had included today, where you’d disallowed yourself to picture the ways your reunion could play out.   

“I suppose I am a little.”  

“Surely you’re excited, though?” Karen added on, sounding rather excited herself.  

“Why would I be?”  

“Well,” she drawled, “you clearly love the man. Ain’t there a part of you eager to be all lovey-dovey with him again?”  

You turned to frown at her face-on, instead of through the reflection in your mirror. “What? No - I’m not going to carry on seeing him.”  

They observed you, puzzled, and Abigail decided on a response.   “But I thought that was what you agreed on, with John?”  

“He said he’d find a way to deal with it. He shouldn’t have to do that,” you turned back to your mirror and continued preening. “I’m not going to start things up with Dutch again,” you lamented.  

They didn’t question it, but you could feel their confusion in the air. You couldn’t blame them. They decided not to probe the subject further.  

Sure, John had said he’d deal with it. He’d said he wanted you both to be happy. But before all that, you vowed to yourself that you’d do anything to have a friendship with him, and would you really be true to your word if you actively extended his discomfort?  

John’s blessing had been music to your ears at first. But being so forgiving was easier said than done – who's to say he wouldn’t grow to resent you, the damage to your friendship being irreparable? It wasn’t a risk you could take.  

-

Thankfully, the ceremony was the first thing on the agenda that day. There were no awkward encounters to be had, and you got to walk across the stage without falling over and receive your degree in relative peace. Again, you’d actively pushed the prospect of seeing Dutch again out of your mind until you were forced to deal with it in real-time.  

But once the ceremony was finished, it was time for everyone to socialise in the sunny courtyard while the graduates took photos with their family and friends, leaving nowhere left for you to hide. Unless...  

Thanks to your newfound habit, you excused yourself once the six of you had taken a group picture, proof that you had in fact been there, and had at least waited a few minutes before running away.  

There was a quiet alley round the side of the main building, the wall of which you leaned up against and brought your newly lit cigarette to your lips. It was nice to decompress, and with all that’d happened in the last twenty-four hours alone, it was nice to have some peace.  

You took your time, eventually lighting a second cigarette and deciding this would not be a healthy habit to keep up.  

“When did you start smoking?”  

That cigarette was nearly choked into your mouth at the baritone of Dutch’s voice, one you hadn’t heard in a longer while than you cared to admit.  

You had to face him at some point, you supposed. At least this wasn’t in front of a whole group of people.  

Slowly, you turned, the man himself coming into view. His hands were casually in his pockets, and as always, his suit was immaculate, and hair perfectly styled. There was one noticeable difference though; he looked tired.  

“Gives me an excuse to escape. Plus,” you shunted the cigarette up a bit, “I miss the taste.” You looked at his lips, the hundreds of drunken kisses the two of you had shared that always had an underlying hint of tobacco. Dutch brushed his fingertips over your hand, and you pulled away, refusing to meet his gaze.   

“Please, I can’t.”  

“Didn’t John speak to you?”  

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He’s not okay with it, regardless of what he says.”  

Dutch’s shoulders dropped, and he leaned on the wall opposite you. His gaze was fixed on you, and you eventually met it.  

The two of you looked at each other for a short while, and it was like you could read his mind, and tell him what you were thinking and feeling without saying a single word.  

You missed him, you were sorry, he missed you, he was sorry.  

More than anything, you wanted to wrap your arms around him and never let go, kiss him until your lips ached, and make a home in the crook of his neck.  

“You blocked my number.” It wasn’t a question.  

“I had to,” you took a drag and rolled the cigarette between your fingers once you’d dropped your hand back by your side.  

“Did you really? You couldn’t have at least said goodbye – after all we’ve been through?”  

“Don’t make me feel bad,” your tone came out angered, and you swiftly reeled yourself in. “I couldn’t feel any worse about the whole thing if I tried. There was no other choice, not if I wanted a chance at earning back John’s friendship.”  

“The way I hear it, the two of you are already getting on.”  

“He’s being kind. Kinder than I deserve and we’re a long way off repairing our friendship.”  

Dutch nodded, and it hurt to see the pain that’d made camp on his face.  

“How are things with the two of you?”  

“Long way off,” he echoed. “He didn’t speak to me for a while, but he’s starting to be civil. I’m surprised by him, truth be told.”  

“Why?”  

“He’s been real grown up about it all,” his lips twitched with an unmitigated fondness, “we talked it all out, and he actually listened to my side of it. That’s two of my boys out-manning me, now.”  

“Is Arthur okay?” you asked at the mention of him.  

“Yeah,” he said noncommittally, “not happy with me either, but can’t say I blame him. Especially not after the Molly business.”  

“I did try telling him you weren’t to blame.”  

“I know.” The look he gave you was grateful, and you couldn’t only imagine the grief he’d received from the two men.  

It was surreal to see him standing there. You wondered if you’d even remember this conversation in a week's time, or whether it’d be some lucid recollection you wouldn’t be able to pick out words from.   

“Did you hear back about that interview?”  

You nodded. “They offered me a job.”  

Despite his saddened expression, a glint of pride broke its way through. “Congrats. You’ll do well there, should you decide to take it.”  

“Thanks.” It wasn’t quite the reaction you’d pictured in your mind before all this nasty business, instead, it’d be Dutch pulling you into a boisterous embrace and immediately coming up with a schedule to ensure the two of you saw each other regularly enough.  

His pained eyes glanced down your form and made their way back up to your face. The crease between his brows was permanently etched there now, it seemed.  

“I’m sorry they found out that way,” he said.  

“Me too. I don’t blame you for it.”  

“Please,” he took a hesitant step towards you. “Reconsider. Is it not worth us trying, at least? John’s okay with it -”  

“He is not. He’s only saying that because he feels obliged.”  

“That’s not true, he came to me to talk about it, said he wants us to be together -”  

“Do you not hear how insane that sounds? Why would he want his father and b- friend to be in a relationship?”  

“Sorry to interrupt,” John’s voice broke into your conversation as he strolled over to the pair of you, “but my ears were burning.”  

You both just looked at him, simmering back into your own spaces – it wasn’t a conscious decision to edge closer to Dutch.  

“You’re arguing,” he observed.  

“I -” you sighed, itching your brow, and abandoned your unformed sentence in favour of another drag from your cigarette.  

“This is meant to be a happy day,” Dutch said guiltily.  

“No, I know. I think I should go –”  

“No,” John put a hand on each of your shoulders, stopping you from walking away from the situation. “Look, I’ll be honest, I’m tired of him moping,” he gestured his head towards his father.  

Dutch slipped the cigarette from between your fingers and brought it to his mouth for a long drag. It was like static where his skin had brushed against yours, and your eyes lingered on his lips as he took a drag. He went to hand it back to you, but you shook your head.  

“Keep it.”  

“And I’m tired of you being so hard on yourself,” he narrowed his eyes at you, before looking between you both once more. “You shouldn’t have done what you did. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back for so long.”  

The pair of you glanced at each other, scolded but in agreement with him.  

“But I understand why you did. For the pair of you to do this, to take it this far – it must be something genuine.”  

More genuine than you cared to admit. Being without Dutch was like being without a limb.  

“You deserve the chance to test it out in the open. Ideally,” he huffed in mild amusement, “not too open. I don’t wanna watch you canoodling. But still. You do have my blessing,” he squeezed your shoulder, “and I’m not just saying that. I’ve thought about it, and I mean it.”  

There were no words, so you rested your hand over John’s that was still planted on his shoulder.   

“Thank you, son,” Dutch said, his voice cracking despite his hardened demeanour.  

“Now,” John lightened his tone and the mood, “from what I hear they’re about to open the bar. And I don’t know about either of you but I sure as hell need a drink.”  

“I sure do,” you agreed quietly, and Dutch beckoned for the two of you to proceed, and you all made your way over to the bar.  

-

After John’s talk, you began to settle into the idea of trying again with Dutch. You were still hesitant, but since Dutch had reminded you to unblock his number, he’d messaged you regularly and gently brought you around to the idea.  

So, you’d started talking more frequently, general chitchat and while it wasn’t quite the same, you found yourself valuing his conversation much more than you had previously. Still, you were hesitant to visit him, but Dutch agreed to ease back into the relationship, and going long periods without seeing him wasn’t an alien concept to you considering that’d been the norm for over two years.  

It was only a few more weeks until John messaged the group chat saying Abigail had gone into labour, and he’d sent you a private message saying it might be a good time for you to go to his house, considering nobody would be there and you could have some alone time together.  

Dutch too had messaged you, and you allowed your chest to grow warm at the thought of them colluding to convince you to come round. He’d confirmed the house was empty save for him, Tilly spending half of her summer staying at Arthur and Charles’ place.  

You decided to bite the bullet and agreed, getting the train that same day before you had a chance to chicken out. Unsurprisingly, Dutch stood firm in his decision to pick you up from the station.  

The car journey to his house had been quiet, the two of you not knowing where you stood or how to approach the situation. Arriving at his house and seeing the big stone driveway was enough to make your heartbeat quicken, the memory of your last visit resurfacing.   

Dutch had made you a hot drink, and the two of you were sat outside in the late evening summer sun, thankful for the chirping birds that filled the silence.   

“If you’re uncomfortable, please tell me. I’ll take you home, and I won’t be offended,” he said gently.  

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you settled him, “it’s just a little strange as all. Didn't think I'd ever be here again.”  

After a long sigh, Dutch shifted in his seat, angling himself towards you as though he had a secret he wanted only you to hear. “I have a plan.”  

You raised your eyebrows at him. “A plan for what?”  

“Making you a little more comfortable.”  

“Let’s hear it.”  

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blunt.  

You couldn’t resist laughing, looking at him in shock. “You want to get high?”  

“Why not?”  

“Because,” you began, though no reason came to mind why you shouldn’t. “Because - is that a good idea?”  

“Course. Might help us loosen up a little.” His charming smile made you feel all fuzzy – his under eyes were less dark than when you’d seen him last and he looked overall more like himself. He was dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans, and you were appreciative of the delightful view of those hairy forearms of his.  

“I didn’t even know you got high.”  

“Where do you think John gets it?”  

“You sell drugs?” your face shifted from shocked to understanding, “no wonder you’re so rich.”  

“I do not sell drugs.”  

“No. Just to your son?”  

“No, I don’t want him buying overpriced shit from some sketchy dealer. If he’s going to do drugs, he’s going to at least do good drugs. Besides, I don’t support the criminalisation of it.”  

“Right,” you laughed, not wanting to spur him onto his well-worn soap box. “Well then,” you plucked it from his fingers to rest it between your teeth and reached into his pocket where you knew he kept his lighter, relishing in the tensing of his thighs, and flicked it on to light the end of the joint. “Let us not waste any time.”  

You blew out the smoke and handed it to him, his face looking close to boyish with his grin in response. “I like your attitude.” Dutch took an inhale of his own, and either you really did have a thing for guys when they smoked or this was some strong stuff, because you began to feel all tingly.  

Relaxing back on the bench, you took in the view of the garden and tipped your head back, allowing the sun to graze over your face. “I have missed being here.”  

“I’ve missed having you here,” Dutch said, and you cracked an eye open at him, to see him observing you fondly. “I’m glad, in a way.”  

“About what?”  

“It happening the way it did.”  

“Why?”  

“We don’t have to hide it any longer,” he rested his arm on the bench behind you, “the sneaking around was growing tiresome.”  

“I suppose,” you took the blunt from him and brought it to your lips. “Still, not sure I’ll ever recover from that look on John’s face.”  

“Let’s not go back there right now. I’ve spent too much time in that space recently.”  

You handed the joint back to him thoughtfully. “Has your mental health been okay?”  

Dutch chuckled knowingly. “It has not. Thankfully, I’ve learnt to recognise the unhealthy thought patterns, and I was on a higher dose of medication for a while.”  

“You’re not now?”  

“No,” he shook his head, blowing out the smoke. “After John’s talk, after I could speak to you again – it all calmed down.”  

“I see. I’m sorry you were suffering.”  

“That’s alright,” he shrugged, passing the joint over to you. Dutch was going to say something else when your phone buzzed, and you pulled it from your pocket, expression brightening at what greeted you on the screen.  

“Congratulations are in order,” you tilted the screen towards him, and he looked over your shoulder at the photo of a baby clutched in Abigail’s arms with John leaning over, a tired grin on his face.  

Dutch’s face softened into excitement, and he took his reading glasses from his pocket to place them on his face and get a better look. “Oh my, look at that.”  

Another photo came through, a close-up of the baby accompanied by a message from John sent to the group chat.  

Jack’s here. Abigail had a tough delivery, but she was great, and we now officially have a healthy son. Can’t wait for you all to meet him.  

Very to the point, and very on-brand for John. “Jack,” you crooned, “that’s lovely.”  

Dutch patted his pocket, scoffing. “My phone’s in the kitchen, let me go text him.”  

“You remember the weed, but not your phone while your grandson is being born?”  

“Oh hush,” he muttered as he walked into the house.  

He returned a few minutes later, while you’d messaged your congratulations along with the rest of your friends.  

“How’s it feel to be a grandfather?”  

“Good, oddly enough,” Dutch settled beside you, noticeably closer than he had been previously, but you didn’t mind. He took the joint from you and had a couple of drags.  

“He’s gorgeous,” you smiled, and the two of you settled into a rhythm of smoking and chatting while the sun bathed you in its rays.   

It was a lovely evening, and it wasn’t long before the joint was burnt out and you’d slowly slipped to be nestled into Dutch’s side, his head resting on yours and fingertips running over your palm.   The two of you remained like that, fully relaxed and happy just to be near each other, the odd shift in position the only thing to break the peaceful silence.  

The movement of Dutch’s fingers had transmuted to the brushing of his palm up your arm, and you tilted your head to look at him. His hands felt so good, so firm and warm, his rings leaving a cool trail in their wake.  

He glanced down at you, face content, and you couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous he was.  

“I’m hungry.”  

“I can order -”  

You cupped his jaw and attached your lips to his, not sure you could wait a single moment longer. The two of you still hadn’t shared a kiss since you’d arrived, and the weeks of longing to have his lips on yours had been agonising.   

“Oh,” he said once you’d pulled away.   

You laughed softly, edging closer despite already being pressed up against him. His eyes had already grown hungry too, and you realised you weren’t hungry at all. You were ravenous.  

The two of you demanded the next kiss at the same time, one not nearly enough to make up for all those you’d missed out on. He gripped your waist, and you twisted your hand into the collar of his shirt, the two of you not willing to part with the taste of each other's mouths.   

“Darlin’,” he breathed when you both finally surfaced for air, and you touched the tip of your nose to his. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed that.”  

“Believe me,” you pecked the corner of his mouth, “I do.”  

He ran a hand over your hair and tilted his head when your expression turned devious. “Do I even want to ask?”  

You shook your head and stood, leaving him still leaning forward where your body was now absent. “I’d rather show.”  

With that you walked into the house, Dutch’s rushed and uneven footsteps soon following behind.  

“What are we doing?” he said, excited, as you led him towards the study.  

Once there, you sat on his desk and parted your legs. “I believe we have some unfinished business.”  

“Oh,” he smirked and stopped in his tracks, running a hand through his hair and visibly less rigid thanks to the herbs in his system.   

His eyes were fixed on the spot between your thighs as he stalked towards you, reaching his hands out and gripping your thighs once he was close enough, pulling them even further apart and growling from his chest as he nestled his crotch between them. You bit down on your lip when you felt how hard he was, becoming acutely aware of how much wetter you were than usual, likely a mix of your heightened senses and the given circumstance.  

“I do admire your thoroughness, miss,” he murmured into your ear, trailing his lips over your lobe and down your neck.  

You sighed weakly into the air and let your eyes fall shut, thighs attempting to tighten around him, but his grip was like iron as he kept your thighs in place. Then his lips were gone, and you opened your eyes to see that he was too. You looked down to find him knelt between your legs. “Thirsty?” you teased, and he grinned up at you, black pupils taking up almost all of his iris’.   

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he pushed the material of the dress up your legs and nuzzled his nose into your mound. “I do love you in a summer dress,” he murmured, and you could feel the vibrations from his baritone.  

Dutch chuckled at your feeble attempt of pushing your hips closer to him, not relenting with his grip.   

“Don’t worry sweet girl, I don’t have it in me to tease you right now.”  

There was no time to answer before his mouth was on you, pressing over the wet material of your underwear. Dutch licked up your slit, tangling his tongue with the fabric and you whined, placing your hands behind you on the cool wood of his desk.   

“That’s it,” he said, taking your underwear between his teeth to move it to the side, “let me hear you.”  

You glanced down at him, the infatuation plain on his face as he stared at your dripping pussy. “What happened to not teasing me?”  

“This is not teasing. Do you want to see teasing?”  

“Dutch,” you warned, and he could hear the seriousness filter through your playful tone.  

“Not tonight,” he decided, and dived right into his favourite meal.  

Dutch kissed and sucked your skin, the responsiveness of your pussy providing him with more hydration than he could manage to take in, but he appeared up for the challenge. Gentle flicks of his tongue over your clit turned into a deep drag of it over your inner walls and you gasped his name repeatedly as he thoroughly lavished you with his tongue.  

Your ecstatic orgasm came around fast, and you were sure you didn’t breathe for a minute straight as he drank up all you could give him. His hands had you trapped in place so you were powerless to buck your hips and instead had to let it all go right there, and Dutch was panting when he removed his mouth from you.  

“Du -”  

He pulled you into a kiss by the back of your neck, using his other hand to undo his jeans and shuck them down far enough to pull out his cock and ease into your accommodating cunt.  

“Good lord,” he groaned, unable to focus on kissing you as your walls tensed, begging for his cock to never leave the home it found itself nestled in. “I never,” he gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger once he’d pulled himself together, “want to go so long without your pussy again.”  

“Deal,” you kissed him, spotting the small window of opportunity while he was distracted to pull your legs from his grip and wrap them around his hips, coaxing him even further in and he let out a pained whimper.   

His hands grabbed the swell of either side of your ass, experimentally offering a few slight thrusts, but the sensation was enough to drive you wild. His thick cock felt perfect, and you mused whether that was the extra limb you’d been missing all this time.    

The small thrusts turned to longer, languid ones that had you whining, Dutch obsessive with the way he clung to your body and began fucking you stupid.  

Nothing else mattered aside from the euphoric pleasure racing through your body, being drilled into and marked by Dutch in what you assumed was every way he could think of. Nips to your collarbones, fingertips digging into your flesh, pussy fucked so deeply the skin felt raw. You didn’t care. The two of you were together again, and as was always the case when you fell into each other’s arms, the world was right again.  

“Shit,” Dutch grunted, blinking his eyes tightly as he watched himself disappear into you at a reckless pace, now not the time for tender loving. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your nose against his neck and breathing in the sheen of sweat on his skin. He was being greedy, his brain chasing one thing, the only thing that mattered at that moment. “It’s like you were made for me,” he began to babble to himself, and you knew he was close, so you held your own approaching orgasm until he was ready, “you’re so perfect, s-so fucking -”  

Even words began to fail him as your body overtook every one of his thoughts, and that was a sentiment you shared as he fucked you deep and you cried out Dutch, because what other words were there?  

He came hard, leaking into you as he pressed his hips forward, the desk jolting with the motion and you allowed your release to finally come too. His hands searched for an anchor, landing on the small of your back as he held you to him until he was completely empty.  

The air around the two of you hummed, your bodies becoming soft and pliant at the familiar comfort of having your arms wrapped around each other. Eventually, each of you inched away to get a good look at the other.  

Dutch’s eyelids were heavy, lips still shining with the remnants of you, and his hair had fallen around his face. He took in the view of you too and relaxed into a content smile, leaning forward to press his lips to yours, a tender act considering how hard he’d just defiled you. Neither of you had anything to say that would surmount the feelings you were experiencing in that moment.  

So, you remained silent, breathing in one another until you were finally ready to face him pulling out.  

As he tidied himself up, you leaned back on his desk and glanced to the side of his desk, noticing a picture frame. You took it in your hands and laughed minimally at the subject of the photo. “I can’t believe you have a picture of me here but not John.”  

Despite the situation, Dutch'd made sure you get a photo with you at your graduation, you not realising he’d intended for it to take pride of place on his (now tainted) desk.  

“I look better in this photo,” he said matter-of-factly. His expression softened when you raised your brows in questioning. “Or, perhaps you just make me look good.”  

You shook your head, for him to shrug himself of judgement and join you in admiring the photo after he’d planted a kiss on your forehead.  

It was true; you did look good together.  

-

You’d intended to only stay at Dutch’s for a few days but found yourself not wanting to leave his side. In the end, you’d gone home for a single night to grab more stuff and made your way back to him first thing the next morning.  

The day finally came when Abigail and John returned, and you watched them from the window as they made their way up the driveway, a carrier in hand. Dutch’d been fretting about the nursery – which the blue spare room had been turned into, and you were glad you hadn’t needed to part with ‘your’ room even if you did stay in Dutch’s - and whether it had everything it needed, despite already buying far too much stuff. Little Jack was surely going to be spoilt.   

While you were overjoyed to get to spend so much time with the baby, Abigail and John were also happy to have you and Dutch on hand to take over when they needed a break, you ended up returning home for a time after being there for a couple of weeks, the start date at your new job just around the corner.  

Since you spent the majority of your time working from home, it didn’t matter whether you stayed at your house or Dutch’s. Not wanting to rush too much into your relationship, or crowd the new family under the roof, you and Dutch agreed to a few nights a week at his place, then you'd spend the rest of it at yours. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t attempt to convince you to stay one extra night every time you had to leave, though.  

Being around John while staying with his father had been awkward at first. But soon, as with all change, it became the new normal. It was nice, really, having him and Abigail so close by. It hadn’t taken long for Jack to become your favourite member of the family.  

It was a few months down the line, and the Van der Linde house was full. John had worked through his nerves, but having family on hand, he’d begun taking fatherhood in his stride. He’d been grateful for you too, and you couldn’t deny that you were secretly pleased about having the advantage of the chance to be Jack’s favourite Auntie, aside from Tilly of course.  

You were all in the garden after Dutch’d done a small barbeque, you stood by the table bobbing little Jack in your arms. “I do love being an auntie,” you expressed to the group, infatuated with the baby’s gorgeous cheeks.  

Abigail turned to you; her face pensive. “Wouldn’t you be his step-grandma?”  

Not that you’d expected anything less, but even Abigail had taken to the now-popular hobby of teasing you. Somehow, even Dutch had gotten in on the action. He snickered, John’s laugh echoing from the kitchen (his selective hearing was truly a wonder) before he walked outside and gave Abigail a proud kiss on the head.   

“Isn’t your momma just the funniest?” you said down to Jack, after taking an offended pause.  

She grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but return the smile.  

Eventually, you’d parted with your nephew (no, he was not your step-grandson no matter what anyone said) and began taking the plates into the kitchen, loading them up into the dishwasher.   

Dutch seized the opportunity to pat your ass as you were bent down, and you scoffed at him. “Perv.”  

He laughed easily, bringing in the cutlery and loading it in himself. After you’d turned on the washing machine, you both took to watching the small family through the window, sitting on a mat on the grass and marvelling at Jack who’d recently learnt how to roll over.  

“Now that kid will be a genius,” hummed Dutch, and you tutted at him.  

“Will you leave the poor boy alone before you start locking him up with the books?”  

Dutch ran his hands around your waist, holding you comfortably from behind, his warm and inviting torso a perfect cushion for your back. “I’ve half a mind to lock you up.”  

“Oh, I’m sorry – do I not allocate enough time to you?” you quipped, and he chuckled into your hair.  

“Not nearly enough to satiate me.”  

You tsked through your teeth, resting your hands on top of his.  

“I’m serious,” he added, and you glanced round to catch his eye.  

“Oh, come on, what now?”  

“I’ve been thinking...”  

“I’ve learnt to view that sentence as a warning.”  

Dutch’s eyes crinkled with his amusement, and he placed a kiss on your temple. “All I’m saying is I would love to have you here permanently. I say it not as a demand, not for something to do right now, but something to let brew in that wonderful mind of yours.”  

“And you say I’m the one always jumping to the next step,” you kissed him sweetly, and he tightened his hold around you as you looked back out the window.  

“It’s a mere suggestion, darlin’. Something for you to ponder when you find yourself bored.”  

All you could do was smirk, this irrevocably charming man always willing to prove his need to have, which you’d deduced was just another name for a more potent form of desire; a thing he seemed to have in bucket-loads for you. You rested your head back against him, revelling in the promise of comfort and belonging that kept you company whenever you found yourself in his arms.  

“Whatever you say, Mr Van der Linde.”  

a/n: hopefully none of you need the reminder but pls don't fuck your best friend's dad, author does not condone it. also I know Dutch would probably be an absolute nightmare on weed given his paranoia, but in this universe that’s not a thing because I don't want it to be :)

[rendy-a]

if requests are still open, and if it's okay for me to ask for a follow-up; Can I ask how thankful the boys would be for the time-breaker S/O's UM during their daily lives ? slice of life, fluff, goofy "moments before disaster" saved by S/Os UM, all those good things :D I've been thinking about a few highlights, like... Slowing time around the table area during an unbirthday party because Ace ALMOST crashed into the table; S/O uses their unique magic to get up and hold him by the back of his jacket in time to yank him back onto his feet; S/O is now a mandatory attendant to all unbirthday parties as result... (On the bright side, Riddle looks a whole lot more relaxed now) Cheka tries to ambush S/O and Leona when he takes them home to meet the family. S/O turns around in slow motion during Cheka's leap; now S/O is gently holding the young boy by the back of his shirt, nonchalantly smug, "To be fair, i think was a good attempt?" (Leona knows he must not laugh but what the fuckLMFAO- ) Jamil's list of daily "Almost-s" is no longer a threat to his heart with S/O around, but the way his S/O delivers news to him by throwing letters Kaiba-style only to freeze them in place almost does it; but its the good news that make his heart jump this time (the news itself is up to you but i'm imagining smth along the lines of "Kalim's older siblings came back from buying milk and made some new friends who decided to be guards lmfao you can just work halftime now, congrats" written in a royal way) ...these boys better give their S/O a hug and some kisses for all that effort, honestly

(you don't have to choose from the ones i wrote or do any of 'em!! i'm just very happy to read your writing at all and I wanted to share whats in my mind in case it gave you any ideas too ^^ thank you for writing twst, and I'm so sorry for the long asks!! I like to hope it makes writing easier rather than harder for you x( <3333 )

Goodness, I thought this would be fast to right since I'd just finished the last one but it took me the same amount of time. Anyway, here is a part 2 for this story.

Making a Moment Last Afterwards

Life as a magical prefect has its perks.  How do things change between you and your sweetheart after your confession?

Riddle had always saw his future as that of a magical doctor, fixing people who were injured or broken.  Maybe that is why the way you use your ability to prevent injury so catches his attention.  One morning, you came to meet him at Heartslabyul so you could walk to class together.  You give him a warm smile as way of a greeting.  “Right on time dear,” he says with a smile.  Just then, a student lets his mind wander too much on the iconic eye-bending staircases and stumbles.  “Ack!” he yelps as he starts a tumble down the stair, hand just missing the railing.  Riddle reaches for his pen but you are faster.  Before he hits the ground, you have him frozen in place.  You hold him there, suspended in time, until Trey and Cater are able to grab him by his jacket.  Then you release your magic and the upperclassmen yank their junior back onto his feet, thus preventing a horrible accident. 

“Why do these stairs need to be designed so crazy!” the shaken student complains.  You feel like that was not a well-timed complaint and, glancing at your boyfriend’s face slowly turning into an angry scowl, you know you were correct.  “Because that is tradition!” you say with forced humor, patting your bristling boyfriend on the arm.  Riddle calms down and gives a sharp nod, as if to say ‘Exactly! So there!’  Then he turns to you and offers his arm with a satisfied smile.  His dearest always knows just what to do.

The next incident was during preparations for the upcoming Unbirthday Party.  A freshman was up on a ladder to paint the highest roses red when a certain grey fire gremlin runs wildly past, knocking the ladder and sending the student flying.  You fling out your magic, catching the first year in time to save him a bad fall but not fast enough to prevent a wrenched wrist.  Luckily, you know enough first aid to help him wrap it tight before sending him to the school infirmary.  Riddle looks at you, wrapping the student’s wrist, and gets a thought; you are just like a nurse.  “What’s that?” Deuce asks him.  Riddle blushes, did he say that out loud?

When the day of the Unbirthday party arrives, you sit happily on the right side of Riddle.  He smiles with such satisfaction to have you seated in a place of honor by his side.  “Urgh!”  You hear a student cry out as he trips, flinging a pot of hot tea toward a group of students.  Thankfully, you manage to catch the hot tea before it hits anyone.  You still rush over to the group to check them over (better safe than sorry!) while also scolding the stumbling student to be more careful on the uneven ground. 

You finish looking over the last student and give him a pat, “I think you are good.”  He smiles sheepishly at you and replies, “Thank you, Nurse Rosehearts.”  Your eyes widen and your mouth makes a little O shape.  That is nothing compared to the levels of embarrassment your boyfriend is experiencing.  “What did you say?” he asks menacingly.  “Ah, well you see…um Deuce told us you call the Prefect your nurse and we all thought it was fitting so…”  Riddle is now a shade of red you hadn’t realized it was possible for a human to turn, “Deuce.  If you have nothing better to do with your head than spread rumors, I take it you have no objections to me claiming it.  OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”  You mouth ‘sorry’ to your collared friend as Riddle continues to scold him.

Later that night, Riddle muses as he brushes his teeth.  Nurse Rosehearts.  That has a nice sound to it.

Your life with Leona could be summarized in one word, restful.  How could it not be, the lazy second prince insisted you nap with him whenever he could get a moment of your time.  Some of the students from Savanahclaw think it’s cute, the proud Leona wanting to cuddle his sweet little herbivore like his own personal teddy.  Those who spent the most time around him knew better.  It was for your special skills. 

Leona’s guide to napping Part 1, prepare the environment.  The botanical garden was a favorite date spot for you and your boyfriend.  The temperature was temperate, the plants were colorful background and, during classes, it was nice and quiet.  Usually. 

Leona’s ears flicker irritably.  Drip. Drip. Drip.  A huffing sound escapes from your boyfriend’s lips as he pulls you closer, attempting to drown his awareness of the sound with your comforting presence.  Drip, drip, drip.  He grips you and rolls over to his other side, bringing you along for the ride.  “Woah, come on; warn a person before you do something like that!” you scold.  He opens a single eye to glare out from, a “Tck” sound slipping out irritably when he sucks is teeth in annoyance.  ��Fine, fine.  Want me to get up and see if I can tighten the faucet?” 

When he rumbles deep in his chest and grips you even tighter, you know that is a no.  ‘Fine,’ you think, ‘time for a last resort measure.’  Moments later the sound stops.  Leona’s eyes open at the cessation of the sound, instincts pulling him to alertness at the change in atmosphere.  After a moment, his gaze falls on your amused expression, of course you’d stopped it with your magic.  “Five minutes tops.  You better fall asleep fast.”  He smiles, drawing your head into his chest.  “Won’t even take two, Herbivore.”

 Leona’s guide to napping Part 2, avoid pests at all costs.  You could hear the screeching from down the hall.  Children just operated at their own frequency.  The look on Leona’s face said he found the joyful chirrups more like you’d take nails on a chalkboard.  His face visibly annoyed as the young Checka clutched at his hand exclaiming, “Unka Leona, look! Unka Leona, see that!” at every little point of interest.  You feared, if he didn’t get a break soon, Leona would snap.

“Hey Checka, want to see a cool field where you can catch butterflies?”  you suggest.  The bright face of the child turns to you, “Yeah!”  Leona smiles at you gratefully and attempts to shake Checka’s hand off.  “No, you come too, Unka Leona!” Checka insists.  Leona’s smile falls into a stern frown quickly.  You quickly move to catch his eye and give him a conspiratorial wink.  Leona looks at you for a long moment and then sighs. “Lead the way, Herbivore.”

When you get to the fields near Ramshackle, there were indeed an assortment of moths and butterflies that flitted between the grasses and blooms.  “Come on Checka, I’m a pro at this!  Let’s go!” you shout and grab the little cub’s hand to urge him to join you.  And he does, allowing Leona to slip into the tall grass for a short reprieve from his noisy charge. 

Only the peace doesn’t last.  What seems like a brief moment later, Checka pounces upon his hapless uncle.  “Ooph!” Leona huffs, giving the boy a disapproving look.  “Checka, where did you go?” you call out helplessly.  “Unka Leona, are you sleepy?” the little cub asks Leona curiously.  Leona rolls his eyes and looks at you with a look that reads, ‘rescue me.’  You rack your brain for another distraction.

Finally, even you must admit you’ve reached your limit and give up.  “Hey kid, want to do something fun?  Come here and I’ll teach you to fly.”  The young lion bounds eagerly to his feet and runs to your side.  You grip him by each underarm and toss him into the air.  “Whooa!” you both yell.  When he lands, he shouts “Again!”  So you oblige him.  Only this time, when he lands in your arms, you freeze him in time.  “Herbivore, you are horrible.” Leona teases you.  “Shush, you.  Let’s get some rest in while we still can.” 

Leona holds out an arm, inviting you to join him where he lays.  You snuggle up and fall into an exhausted slumber.  It lasted fifteen minutes, until your magic wore off.  The best fifteen minutes of your day.

Jamil worked harder than anyone else you knew.  Although you hadn’t officially gotten together after that magical night, you still somehow seemed to always be at his side.  From that vantage, you’d been introduced to the grueling schedule that Jamil kept as both a student and servant to Kalim.  You were fortunate that Scarabia had so many spare rooms.  If not for the fact that you often slept over at the dorm, you might not see Jamil for days at a time. 

The sun was barely risen when a sharp knock came at the door of your guest room suite.  You mumbled to yourself before rolling over to look at the time.  It was so early… A few minutes later, another knock sounds on your door.  You know by this that Jamil has passed your room first to light the oven, getting it warm for breakfast, and again on his way to get Kalim out of bed.  You’d like to stay and sleep longer but, with Jamil working so hard already, how could you?

A short time later, you are joined in the kitchen by Jamil.  He gives you a warm smile in welcome and you both get to cooking.  When you had first started cooking with Jamil, he barely trusted you to boil water but now, well, it’s not much but you’ve graduated to chopping veggies.  When he has time, which is rare, he tries to help you improve your cooking skills.  Each time you manage to master a new skill to his satisfaction, you earn a pat on the back and a small, “Well done.”  The praise was more precious to you than jewels.

You finish off a carrot and slide the chopped offering down to Jamil, who adds it to a skillet of simmering spices and gravy.  “What would you like next?” you ask him.  “In a moment, Prefect.  This part is tricky, so I need to concentrate.” Jamil answers.  You don’t mind at all, enjoying the sight of Jamil skillfully flipping the contents of the skillet. 

“Eeek!” came a cry from the lounge.  You both recognized that voice, it was Kalim.  You make eye contact and both simultaneously look at the sizzling skillet.  “Go,” you say, “I’ve got this.”  Jamil is starting to freak out, “I haven’t approved you to make rice yet, let alone this!”  You roll your eyes at him and gesture, freezing the contents of the skillet mid-flip.  “Ahhh,” Jamil mumbles, the beginnings of embarrassment showing on his face.  You’d like to tease him more but there is still Kalim yelling in the lounge, so you suppose that can wait until this new disaster was dealt with. (It was a spider.)

Parties were so frequent an occasion in Scarabia that you’d rather become numb to them.  You were helping Jamil set up for the latest party for…you weren’t even sure anymore.  It may have been Riddle’s horse’s birthday or something.  Anyway, you were hanging banners from the many railings of the balconies in the Scarabia lounge to prepare for the event. 

Plus, you had a secret duty assigned by Jamil.  From the corner of your eye, you kept Kalim in your sight.  Since Jamil must be away at Basketball Club for the moment, he has entrusted you with keeping Kalim in order.  This mostly amounts to stopping Kalim before he lets his wild ideas run away with him.  Speaking of which, you notice Kalim is excitedly gesturing as he speaks to (honestly you don’t remember his name, you’ve been calling him Scarabia B in your head).  An over-excited Kalim; that’s not a good sign.

“And elephants too!” you were just in time to hear.  Oh no, this had gotten out of hand.  You walk faster towards the pair but Kalim excitedly jumps up and runs off towards his treasure room.  You quickly follow.  “Kalim! Kalim! Where are you going?” you shout.  “Ah, Prefect!” Kalim smiles at you widely, clutching a rolled-up carpet.  “I’m going to take the magic carpet out to herd up some elephants for the party. Aha ha ha!”  Before he can fly off, you grab onto the magic carpet with your magic, freezing it in place.  “Hold it!” you shout.  “We can’t bring elephants to the party or…it will scare the horses!”  Kalim looks at you, his mouth going into a wide O.  Then, just as fast, it shifts into a beaming grin.  “Of course, why didn’t I think of that!  I’m so glad we have you here to help with the party, Prefect!  Aha ha ha!”  Disaster averted.

Parties were fun but they were also exhausting, especially for Jamil.  You followed him around, helping as best you could.  Sweeping up, tearing down party decorations, putting leftover food away to repurpose for tomorrow’s lunch; anything to take a small portion of the burden off your hard-working beau.  Finally, you had had enough.

“Jamil, you need to stop and rest.  This can all wait until tomorrow,” you gently admonish him.  He sets down the empty platter he is carrying and sighs.  “Prefect, I wish your magic could freeze time for the whole world, so I’d finally be able to finish everything.”  You consider this and respond, “Maybe my unique magic can’t do that but that’s not the only magic I have.” Jamil chuckles softly and gives you a look that says, ‘go on.’  You smile at him mischievously, “I’m like the fabled genie of the lamp, ready to grant your every wish.  For your first wish, I’m sending you off to bed for some rest.”  Then you drop the humor, “Even you need a break sometimes Jamil.” 

With a final long-suffering sigh, Jamil relents and lets you walk with him toward his room and well-earned slumber.  “You know, Prefect,” Jamil quietly states, “I believe the genie granted three wishes.”  You pause under the gentle illumination of a lantern set in an alcove.  “Why so he did,” you reply pensively.  Then, stepping close to Jamil, you place a hand on his cheek before drawing him down into a kiss.  His lips are warm against yours in the rapidly cooling night.  When you part, you lay your other hand on his chest and lean into his comforting warmth.  “I guess now you’ll just have to head to your room and think about what you want as your third wish.”

With one last gentle look, Jamil turns and continues alone to his room and rest.  Truly though, he has no need to consider a third wish.  What more could he desire when he already has you?

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Kalim Al-Asim - Dorm Uniform Vignette

"I just had a good idea"

[Exterior Hallway 2F]

Crowley: Ahh, so busy, so busy…

Kalim: Hey, Headmage, you dropped something! Oh, wait… Isn't this a tourist pamphlet for the Scalding Sands?

Crowley: Oh, pardon me. How careless of me.

Kalim: Here you go.

Kalim: Are you interested in going to the Scalding Sands?

Crowley: That's right, it's one of the possible destinations for my next vacation…

Crowley: Oh, oh, yes～! Now that I think of it, you come from Scalding Sands, don't you, Asim-kun?

Kalim: Yeah!

Kalim: A vacation, huh～ My home country is such an awesome place, so I'd love it if you could visit, Headmage.

Kalim: The people are all nice, and there's a ton of things to see, and the food is super good!

Crowley: That food is what gives me hesitation, you see.

Crowley: I've heard that the dishes served in Scalding Sands use many unique spices…

Crowley: I am unsure if it'll be to my tastes, so I just can't bring myself to take the plunge and go.

Kalim: Oh, if that's all, then come over to Scarabia! Jamil'll cook up a ton of authentic dishes for you.

Kalim: If we're going to be hosting the Headmage, then let's have a feast with the everyone else in Scarabia, too.

Crowley: Eh, oh… I wonder, is that truly alright～?

Crowley: Well, I feel as though I've asked a huge burden of you, but since you've offered, I shall absolutely indulge. I look forward to it!

[Scarabia Dorm – Lounge]

Kalim: …So, that's why we're going to be throwing a banquet tomorrow and inviting the Headmage!

Jamil: Well, he sure set you up… There's no way someone would just accidentally drop a pamphlet of the Scalding Sands like that.

Jamil: First of all, why are we doing this tomorrow? It would have been better to have had more time.

Kalim: I thought it'd be better to do it as quick as possible. No time like the present, they say!

Jamil: They also say not to venture into the sea without a net. Do you even realize just how hard it is to arrange a banquet…?

Kalim: It'll be a piece of cake for you, right? Besides, I've already decided what kind of feast we'll be having.

Kalim: First, we gotta decorate the place. So that the Headmage can appreciate the Scalding Sands' beautify, we need to use textiles that have traditional patterns on them.

Kalim: We got a ton of fabric we're not using up in the storage room, right? Let's decorate with that!

Jamil: One roll of that fabric is worth enough to feed a family of four for a whole month… But, fine. I'll do as you ask.

Kalim: The food is obviously gonna be traditional Scalding Sands dishes! That's also something you're good at, right?

Kalim: And so that he can enjoy all different kinds of things, let's set the feast up with some lightly toasted bread so he can all load up each one with whatever he wants.

Jamil: I'm sure that'll the Headmage will like that. …Even though that'll add a ton of dishes that'll just make prep work even harder.

Kalim: Ah, but even though I'm saying traditional dishes, don't make "that" one dish.

Jamil: Yeah, yeah. I know. I won't make "that" dish.

Jamil: …Alright, I understand what you want for the feast. You don't need to explain any further. So I'll start the preparations…

Kalim: AND THEN THERE'S THE PARADE!!

Jamil: Urgh, of course we're doing a parade, even though that's going to take the most time…!

Kalim: First, the elephant will kick open the doors with a bang. After that, the tigers will come in making their way around the elephant's feet!

Kalim: The white monkeys will bash the cymbals on the back of the golden camels… The lions and the peacocks will…

Kalim: And then after that, the bear… And then…

Kalim: …At the end, I'll pop out of the fountain on my magic carpet alongside the rainbow parrots…!

Kalim: And as the host, I'll give an awesome speech to finish the party!!

Kalim: What do you think!? Doesn't it sound like fun?

Jamil: …

Jamil: What a pain… All I see is how extravagant it'll be. If you're going to want a parade that crazy, it's going to take a while to prepare for it.

Jamil: It'll be especially difficult to get those rainbow-colored birds. I don't know if I'll be able to get them by tomorrow…

Kalim: Well, you're gonna be busy with prepping the decorations and the food, right? I can get the parade ready.

Jamil: Eh!!

Jamil: …Let's not be too hasty. It'll be fine. I'll make the arrangements.

Kalim: I told you, I'll do it.

Jamil: It's fine. Just leave it all to me, you just sit there and wait.

Kalim: I'm gonna do it!

Jamil: I said you don't have to!

Kalim: Don't worry! I'll find a ton of lively animals to bring in.

Jamil: That's what I'm worried about… Ugh, you really don't listen once you get started, do you?

Jamil: Fine. I'll leave the parade planning to you, then.

Jamil: …You sure you'll be fine? I'm counting on you.

Kalim: Leave it to me! I'm really good at handling animals.

[Main Street]

―Day of the Banquet

Kalim: Hey, all you parade animals! You following after me?

Kalim: Hey, now, you elephants and tigers need to get along. See how the lions and monkeys are doing fine together?

Kalim: It's great that the bears and peacocks are being super good. Keep following the lead camel.

Kalim: …Ah, that includes all you rainbow parrots, too!

Scarabia Student A: Wow… All those animals are following after Kalim-ryōchō without any problems!

Scarabia Student B: Our Housewarden's definitely amazing. Look how he's able to command so many animals at once like that!

Kalim: I'm not really commanding them… It's just that I've loved animals ever since I was little, so maybe they can feel that!

Rainbow-colored Parrots: [chirps]

Kalim: But hey, you guys are being super good today. Are you all looking forward to the party, too?

Elephants: [trumpets loudly]

Kalim: Hahaha, I see, I see! I'm so glad.

[Scarabia Dorm]

Kalim: Alright, we made it to Scarabia.

Kalim: I'll have all you animals wait here quietly until the parade starts, and…

???: Fwaa, funyaa…

Kalim: Hm? What's that pathetic sounding cry?

Grim: Nyaaa! I'm gonna be trampled by the elephant! Someone save me!!

Kalim: I don't remember bringing a raccoon… Oh wait, you're Grim! I completely thought you were one of the animals for the parade.

Kalim: Come up here. You'll be safer on higher ground.

Grim: Y-You've saved me…! I got caught up with all the marching animals while on the way back to Ramshackle…

1. I'm searching for a lost child! 2. Has anyone seen my poor little one?

Kalim: Oh hey, it's [Yuu]. If you're looking for Grim, he's right here.

Grim: Oooh～? [Yuu], were you sad that you got separated from me? My little henchie's so needy, huh.

Grim: But this was a shocker. Are you opening a zoo with all these animals, or something?

Kalim: Nope, that's not it. We're throwing a party for the Headmage at our dorm today!

Kalim: We got spectacular decorations, delish food… And we're gonna top it all of by treating everyone with an extravagant parade.

Grim: You got all these animals just for a party!? Man, rich people sure are different…

Kalim: This is all pretty normal. We gotta go all out and make sure both the eyes and stomachs of the guests are happy!

Grim: I don't really care 'bout my eyes, but… I gotta know what you mean by stomach!!

Grim: So, so, what kinda food're you bustin' out for the banquet!?

Kalim: Usually at the banquets we throw back in Scalding Sands, we'll serve dishes with a whole lot of spices in 'em.

Kalim: We got stuff like curry, bamia, saltah… Basically, my country's known for their stew-like dishes.

Grim: Authentic Scalding Sands curry!? I wanna try some～!

Kalim: Ah. But my family doesn't make curry for fests.

Grim: Ehh～ But it sounds like it'd be so good. Why not?

Kalim: Uh, well… A long time ago, there was a bit of an incident involving curry.

1. Did you eat so much you got a stomachache? 2. Did the curry go bad and give you a stomachache?

Kalim: Not really, but sure, something like that. It was days before the illness passed.

Kalim: But since then, I've just never liked curry.

Grim: Humph. You're a bit more delicate than I expected.

Kalim: Oh, it wasn't me that got sick, it was Jamil.

Kalim: He tasted what was brought out first as usual and immediately went deathly white.

Kalim: Ah, but don't worry. It wasn't food poisoning, see? Our dishes are always made with the best and freshest ingredients!

Kalim: Everyone else was perfectly fine, it was only Jamil who got sick, after tasting from my plate.

Grim: …So, doesn't that mean…

Grim: That something was only put into your meal…?

Kalim: Hmm. I mean, I don't really know all the details either, but…

Kalim: That was the first time I ever saw Jamil so down and out… And I've never been able to forget it.

Kalim: …But! It doesn't seem like it bothered Jamil that much, curry's still his favorite dish!

Grim: Urgh… Sounds like he's got weird tastes, totally different from a gourmet like me.

Kalim: We won't be serving curry, but Scalding Sands has a ton of other delicious food to offer up.

Kalim: And hey, you guys came all the way here to Scarabia, so you should totally stay for the banquet!

[Scarabia Dorm – Lounge]

Grim: Myaaah～! This feast's super amazing～!!

Grim: All the bright red banners hanging around the lounge're super cool…

Grim: And there's a toooooon of food I've never even seen before here!!!

Grim: I'm totally gonna eat enough for tomorrow too! Monch, scarf, gobble.

1. This is a real fun party. 2. Gobble, munch, munch.

Kalim: Eat as much as you want, [Yuu] and Grim～!

Kalim: And to our guest of honor! Headmage, are you enjoying the banquet?

Crowley: Yes, absolutely!

Crowley: I had completely assumed that the Scalding Sands would only have spicy cuisine… But it seems I was absolutely mistaken.

Crowley: All these crunchy vegetables! This fragrant seafood! The juicy steaks!

Crowley: And then on top of that you have this savory bread to wrap everything in! All your decorations are beautiful too. Everything is outrageously delicious.

Kalim: Right? And Jamil here made all that delicious food for us!

Crowley: Oh, this wasn't done by a professional chef? You're astounding, Viper-kun.

Jamil: No, not at all. ...Kalim came up with the menu so that you would be able to try an assortment of our dishes.

Jamil: In addition, my cooking skills were cultivated within the Asim household. Everything is all thanks to Kalim.

Kalim: Hehehe.

Kalim: The Headmage and all the other guests are happy, too. Thanks for setting up the place and for prepping all the food, Jamil.

Jamil: …You're welcome.

Jamil: But it's too early to get complacent.

Jamil: As the host, you still have your own part to play during the parade finale, don’t you?

Jamil: Go and get ready for that.

Kalim: Yeah, alright!

[Scarabia Dorm]

Kalim: Okay! I made it to the standby area for the parade.

Kalim: And just like we planned, I'm gonna get on my magic carpet here and wait for the starting signal…

Scarabia Student A: HEY, WAIT!

Scarabia Student B: OH NOOO!

Kalim: Hm? What's wrong, you guys?

Scarabia Student A: H-Housewarden! Uh… That is…

Scarabia Student B: All the rainbow parrots that we had for the parade…

Scarabia Student A: THEY ALL ESCAPLED!

Kalim: Eeeh!?

[Scarabia Dorm]

Scarabia Student B: All the rainbow parrots that we had for the parade…

Scarabia Student A: THEY ALL ESCAPLED!

Kalim: Eeeh!?

Scarabia Student B: S-Sorry! And those parrots were essential to the parade!

Scarabia Student A: We just completely forgot to lock the key to the cage…!

Kalim: All the parrots… I see…

Kalim: …But hey, I'm sure everything'll be fine!

Scarabia Student A/B: Huh.

Kalim: Can't do anything about something that's already done. Plus, it wasn't on purpose, right?

Kalim: I'll take care of it, so you guys don't have to worry about a thing!

Scarabia Student A/B: Kalim-ryōchō…!

Kalim: …Oh. I just had a good idea.

Kalim: I'm gonna head over to Diasomnia now.

Scarabia Student A: Diasomnia? …You mean the dorm Malleus Draconia leads!?

Scarabia Student B: Why would you go to that dorm of all places…?

Kalim: You guys and Jamil all worked so hard to get this party ready.

Kalim: I'll go gather all the birds so that everything goes off perfectly.

Kalim: I need all of you to start the parade as planned. We can't leave our guests waiting.

Kalim: I'll be back as soon as I can!

[Scarabia Dorm – Lounge]

Crowley: Well now, the parade has started. It seems we can view it from the balcony.

Crowley: I wonder what we'll see… Oh?

Crowley: Something is walking towards the dorm from the distance in tune to some music… Wait, aren't those elephants!?

Crowley: And there are tigers walking around the elephant's legs… Hm? And there's lions on the elephant's back…!?

Crowley: Eh, how is this possible!? And now there's white monkeys!? I didn't know a trumpet could be used in that fashion!!

Crowley: And between the golden camels there's… And all the tigers and lions… Wow! Unbelievable!!

Grim: Th-The peacocks' feathers are wrapped around the bears, and… Oh, the elephants! Look at the elephants' ears!! This is amazing!!

1. I'm so moved I can barely take it all in. 2. This is the greatest parade of the century.

Scarabia Student A: Th-The finale is coming up…!

Scarabia Student B: Kalim-ryōchō… Do you think he's going to make it…!?

Grim: Ooh! The parade has made it to the fountain.

Grim: The music's amping up, too…

1. Here comes the finale! 2. This is the most exciting part!

Crowley: I wonder what surprise ending they have in store for us!?

???: …Heeey!

Scarabia Student A: Hey! I see a magic carpet flying our way! And who's that riding it…

Kalim: Sorry to keep you waiting, everyone.

Scarabia Student A/B: KALIM-RYŌCHŌ～～～!!!

Kalim: I was trying to find my classmate Silver, and it took a bit longer than I thought… But I brought them.

Kalim: I got all these white birds!!

Scarabia Student B: …He's right. There's a ton of white birds flying behind him!

Scarabia Student B: Oh yeah, I remember hearing that Silver from Diasomnia has a good rapport with small animals.

Kalim: Yeah. I went and asked Silver to call for his little bird friends to help me.

Kalim: But man, he dozes off so much. It took a long time to be able to call all the birds.

Scarabia Student A: …But in the end, I guess you couldn't find the rainbow parrots.

Scarabia Student A: No matter how you look at it, those parrots would have been flashier than these white birds. And it's all our fault for letting them fly away…

Kalim: Don't worry about it. It wouldn't be nice to force those parrots back into their cages anyway, right?

Kalim: A party's only a party as long as everyone's enjoying themselves.

Kalim: …Ah, and that includes you guys too. So don't look so glum.

Scarabia Student A/B: Housewarden…

Kalim: 'Sides, even these white birds can replace the rainbow-colored parrots! I told you guys I had a great idea, didn't I?

Kalim: It's time for the amazing finale to start. Don't blink at all and keep watching 'til the end.

Kalim: "A haven within the hot sands, a never-ending feast. Dance! Sing! Oasis Maker!"

Crowley: Oh, there goes a spray of water from Asim-kun's Unique Magic…

Grim: And from it, out popped out some colorful birds!!

1. It's so beautiful. 2. I've never seen a scene like this before.

Crowley: …Oh?

Crowley: When I look closer, I can see that the birds flying aren't colorful at all.

Crowley: The rainbow that appeared from Asim-kun's magic were cast onto the wings of those white birds, making it seem like they were colorful.

Crowley: This blizzard of colors, the shimmering spray of water, and those birds dyed by a rainbow…

Crowley: Ah, oh what an astounding view…!

Kalim: Hey, Headmage! And [Yuu] and Grim! Thanks for coming to Scarabia today.

Kalim: Nothing makes me happier than being able to host valued guests!

Kalim: And I hope one day you guys will be able to come enjoy my home country of Scalding sands! …Whoops.

Kalim: Sorry, Carpet. I didn't mean to step th… Hey, don't shake me off!

Kalim: Woah, woah, I'm losing balance… Aaaah!

Kalim: I'm faaaaalling～～～!!!

???: WATCH OUT!!!!!

[SPLASH!]

Kalim: …That totally scared me. I accidentally fell into the fountain.

Kalim: …Hm? But I'm not injured…?

Kalim: …Ah, Jamil! I guess you must have used your wind magic to help slow my fall.

Kalim: Thanks a bunch. I didn't get hurt at all.

Jamil: I thought... M-My heart was going to stop… Ugh.

Kalim: But, oh man, I'm soaked… This is so terrible. Hahaha!!

Jamil: It's not something to laugh about. I was completely beside myself!

Jamil: …Come on, hurry up and get out of the fountain and dry yourself off.

[clapping]

Crowley: A miraculous rainfall that falls on the desert during a parade… I witnessed such beautiful magic.

Crowley: That was splendid, Kalim Al-Asim-kun!

Grim: Yeah, even the part where you jumped off the magical carpet got my heart pumping, it was so cool～!!

1. I don't think that was part of the plan… 2. That was really thrilling.

Crowley: It must have been very difficult for you to prepare everything for this, wasn't it?

Kalim: Nope, not at all. Right, Jamil?

Jamil: Yes, not at all.

Crowley: Asim-kun, your ability to lead everyone to successfully throw this amazing banquet is absolutely spectacular!

Scarabia Student A: That's right! Kalim-ryōchō is always thinking about the rest of us in the dorm…

Scarabia Student B: He's such a reliable guy!

Crowley: I see, I see.

Crowley: This was absolutely a thrilling experience. I've decided, my next vacation will be to the Scalding Sands!

Kalim: That's great! I'm super happy that you get just how awesome Scalding Sands is!

Kalim: And that's all thanks to the parade going off without a hitch. I'll have to make sure to thank all the animals later!

Requested by Anonymous.

[apomaro-mellow]

Part 1

After getting the decree from the queen, Jonathan went right into the center of the square to make the announcement. The queen wanted as many people in attendance, all the better for finding a spouse for her son.

"The prince is having a ball", Jonathan said, getting everyone's attention. "His Royal Highness Stefano William, son of Her Majesty Queen Genevieva Ambre Angelique Anneliese Delta-"

"Delta?", a voice in the crowd called out in confusion.

"Delta", Jonathan continued without a beat, "Galatea....is having a ball!"

That was all anybody needed to go into a frenzy. In the crowd was Murray, who was immediately scheming. A prince on the prowl for a royal companion could be very advantageous indeed.

Meanwhile, Jonathan was on the move, going to florists, bakers, butchers, and tailors to begin setting up for the ball. Obviously any royal affair had to be big and loud but finding a suitor for the prince was even more reason to go big.

News of the ball reached far and wide and even Eddie heard of it. While he typically didn't give a rat's ass about royalty, even he wasn't immune to the implied romance of possibly meeting the love of your life at what was basically a lavish dance party.

Any excitement he would've had was instantly squashed when his family decided a ball meant they had to do extravagant shopping and use him like a beast of burden. The lack of consideration was so much that even when they got home, they expected him to open the door even with his arms full.

Sure. Yeah. Of course. Not a tall order at all.

The moment he opened it and tried to get inside, Tommy practically ran into him like a bull trying to get in first, nearly making everything fall from Eddie's hands.

"Edgar your lack of grace is staggering", Murray commented.

Eddie kept from muttering under his breath. No need to put anymore attention on himself. Turned out he didn't need to. Murray gave a put-upon sigh and went into his old spiel without Eddie saying a word.

"To think, people told me to throw you out. But I didn't! No, my saintly soul wouldn't allow it." Murray fiddled with Jason's hair until it was how he liked it. "Even though I already had two stallions in my home-don't slouch Thomas-I let the lame horse continue to live in my abode."

"You're almost a martyr, father", Jason kissed ass like there was no tomorrow.

Murray put a hand to his heart. "I know. Edgar, prepare us some tea and bring it to our rooms. Boys, we need our beauty rest if we're going to be ready for the ball. Come along now."

Tommy and Jason followed diligently as Murray went up the stairs. Eddie watched them go, holding his tongue until they were out of ear shot, but he only needed to wait until their backs were turned to flip them off.

Then he turned on his own heel to start making their tea. They'd probably be asleep before he finished making it but if they weren't and he wasn't it'd be hell.

"Who needs a ball anyway, I'll give em some balls", he muttered to himself as he got a kettle going. They could go off for their one night of splendor and entertainment. Eddie could get all that right here in the kitchen. His own little corner of paradise.

As the tea was being brewed, Eddie turned, making his hair flourish around his head.

"Your Highness, how do you do?" He gave a deep bow to the broom. "Lovely evening isn't it?"

Eddie had never laid eyes on the prince. But someone who had the whole kingdom fawning over him couldn't just be riding the royal title. He was probably as handsome and as charming as the rumors said. Eddie tried to imagine someone like that and to his surprise, he came up with the guy he met earlier.

He certainly had a cordial air about him. And handsome, there was no doubt about that. What had his name been again?

"Me? A dance?" Eddie pretended the stranger had just extended his hand. He was dressed to the nines, probably in blue or green, those colors suited him. And he wanted to dance with Eddie.

"Oh I couldn't. But if you insist~"

Eddie started to sway with the broom, thinking of what it would feel like to have arms around him. To have someone look at his mess of a hair and call him beautiful. To kiss his hands, raw from work, with love. To want him, to actually want him, from now until-

"Where's that tea!", Tommy's shrill voice barked from upstairs.

Well, that was it for play time pretend. Eddie poured three cups and balanced them all pretty masterfully if he did say so himself. They could keep their balls and temporary delights. Eddie had a world of wonder in his head to keep him content.

Part 3

[shifralois08]

A New Chapter, A Renewed Spirit

Christmas in the Philippines isn't just a holiday, it's a feeling that seeps into your soul. It's a symphony of lights, laughter, and love that starts the moment September arrives. The "Ber" months, as we call them, are a magical time, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, especially this year.

From the moment the first parol (star-shaped lantern) appears, I know Christmas is on its way. Streets are transformed with colorful lights, carols echo through the air, and homes are decked out with festive decorations. It's like the whole country is preparing for a grand party, and I can't wait to be a part of it.

For me, Christmas is all about family. It's the time when everyone comes together, no matter how far they've traveled. The aroma of lechon (roasted pig), ham, and bibingka (rice cake) fills the air, and the house is buzzing with activity. We share stories, play games, and laugh until our sides ache. These are the moments I treasure most, the ones that make Christmas truly special.

Christmas Under the Fallen Tree

But last December 16th, 2021, everything changed. Typhoon Odette, a powerful storm, ripped through our island, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Our house, unfortunately, was one of its victims. A huge tree crashed through our roof, leaving us with a gaping hole and a sense of shock. It was a scary experience, but thankfully, we were the only ones in our neighborhood affected by the fallen tree (haha).

Despite the devastation, the spirit of Christmas couldn't be broken. We knew we had to prioritize fixing our home, but we also knew that the true meaning of Christmas was about being together, about love and resilience.

So, we gathered what we could, and we celebrated. It wasn't the grand Noche Buena we were used to, but it was filled with love, laughter, and gratitude. We shared stories, played games, and reminded each other that even amidst the chaos, the spirit of Christmas could still shine through.

We spent the days after the storm cleaning up, rebuilding, and supporting each other. It was a challenging time, but it also brought us closer together. We learned the true meaning of FAMILY, of helping each other, and of finding joy even in the midst of hardship.

Misa de Gallo, A Faint Reminder

December 20, 2022 the air was thick with the scent of incense and the hushed whispers of prayers. It was Christmas Eve, and we were in the middle of Misa de Gallo, the traditional nine-day night masses leading up to Christmas.

Earlier that night, I had played a spirited game of basketball with my cousin, the adrenaline still pumping through my veins. I hadn't had dinner, no time for a breather, rushing to make it to the church on time. But as the priest began his homily, my body betrayed me. I fainted, collapsing onto the hard pews.

The world spun, and I was enveloped in a wave of dizziness. But as I came to, I was surrounded by the familiar faces of my family, their concern etched on their faces. It was a scary moment, a reminder of the physical and emotional toll the past year had taken on us. But it was also a testament to the power of love and support.

Despite the unexpected interruption, we finished the mass, our hearts filled with gratitude for the miracle of being together.

A Christmas Escape

The year had been a whirlwind of rebuilding and adjusting to the aftermath of the typhoon. We were tired, but we were also craving a break, a chance to reconnect as a family. So, we decided to do something we rarely did: we booked a family vacation at a beautiful beach resort.

It was a welcome escape from the chaos of everyday life. We spent our days swimming, sunbathing, exploring the nearby islands, and simply enjoying each other's company. It was a chance to laugh, to share stories, and to create memories that would last a lifetime.

This Christmas, we were reminded that even in the midst of challenges and unexpected events, the spirit of Christmas can always find a way to shine through. It's about finding joy in the simple things, about appreciating the love and support of those around us, and about remembering that even in the darkest of times, hope can always be found.

A Christmas Crash Landing

December 16, 2023 The sun was shining brightly. It was a perfect day for a bike ride. I was cruising down the street, feeling the wind in my hair, when suddenly, a car door swung open. I swerved to avoid it, but it was too late. I crashed into the door, sending my bike flying and myself tumbling to the ground.

I landed hard, my body aching, my pride bruised. I had crashed right into the car of a relative, a rather embarrassing moment. But as I sat there, catching my breath, I couldn't help but laugh. It was a reminder that life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes the best we can do is to embrace the absurdity of it all.

This Christmas, I'm reminded that life is a journey, and sometimes we stumble along the way. But it's the moments we share with loved ones, the laughter and the support, that make the journey worthwhile.

A Christmas of Intimacy

This year 2023 we were craving for a chance to reconnect as a family. So, we decided to do something we rarely did: we booked a two-day trip for just the four of us: Dad, Mom, my sister, and me.

It was a Christmas escape, a chance to rediscover the simple joys of being together. We wandered through malls, indulging in a little retail therapy, shared laughter over delicious meals, and simply enjoyed each other's company. It was a quiet, intimate celebration, a reminder that sometimes, the most meaningful moments are those shared with the people who matter most.

This year, as we prepare for Christmas, I'm filled with a sense of gratitude. We've moved into our new home, a fresh start. This Christmas will be even more special, as we celebrate our first Christmas in our new house, filled with the warmth of family and the joy of new beginnings. It's a testament to our resilience, a reminder that even after all the circumstances that has happened, Christmas can still bring hope, love, and a sense of wonder.

This Christmas marks a new chapter, a renewed spirit, a testament to the enduring power of hope and love, even in the face of adversity.

[squadrah]

Hmm if you don't mind can you do Sorbet and Gelatos' (or their separate) everyday lives? You have them as more dynamic characters so I'm sure you have a day to day for them. Just reading back and re-realized that they didn't have one. Thank you!

Thank you! I was hoping someone would send an ask, because reading back on the individual days of the big seven, and well, seeing my CuriousCat drafts in their original state, I sometimes left these two out even when the whole gang was being asked about, or there would have been place for remarks... so I shall now fill these gaps with a loosely joined average day for Sorbet and Gelato!

These two have varied morning hours depending on how active they had been the night before, though Gelato is far better with mornings than Sorbet, and will usually be up before him. Sorbet will get properly dressed to present himself properly, while Gelato had been known to go down in various states of readiness, including just underwear one time when he only dipped below to grab some food to have breakfast in bed with Sorbet. No matter when they wake up, they never miss Formaggio's morning newscast, and they will join any discussions going on.

If they go to Prosciutto's office hours, it is always either because Gelato wants to say hi or Sorbet wants to give him a shopping list and vouchers or coupons if he has any (he hates going shopping because he gets too anxious about pinching pennies on the spot, so this is the safest alternative). For this reason the others let both go ahead because it's quick.

Gelato sometimes goes shopping with the others, but only when Sorbet makes it clear that he needs either more rest or some quiet time, which he almost always uses to tend to his plants and those scattered about the apartment, with the exception of anything in the courtyard. Gelato then goes with Prosciutto and whoever else tags along, and if it's just the two of them, he will absolutely bully Prosciutto into a round of hot noodles at Porca Puttanesca, a little family owned restaurant I invented because it tickles me. If Gelato and Sorbet spend the morning together, Gelato will follow Sorbet around and do chores with or for him. They then eat lunch together at the base or if Gelato is being taken care of in town, Sorbet will latch onto Risotto and eat with him.

After lunch, Gelato likes to take a nap and Sorbet uses that time to read or finish his more silent chores. Merenda is always eaten together, and after that, the two usually hit the town regardless of what everyone's plans are. If nobody's coming, it's a date! If others are going out and planning something fun, it's a group activity! Gelato will insist on going to a bar for a couple drinks at the end no matter what, in preparation for dinner.

For dinner they usually return to the base, because there is always some banter or party games taking place afterwards, and Gelato would never miss the opportunity. They play cards without actually betting any money, so Sorbet likes to join in, and afterwards they will both linger to drink and smoke as long as the others do.

From that point on wards things depend on how much energy and sanity they have left: if Gelato drank a lot, they usually drag their asses to bed, but if he was good about it and still has some stamina to burn, they tend to dip outside and either go stargazing, dancing at the gay bar, or decide to do something really stupid and then dash home. They fool around a lot on most nights, and sleep varied hours depending on just how much they let loose.

[lunarbard]

This week I started making some sample characters for my 2d6 heartbreaker ttrpg. Very much aiming for a classic heroic fantasy in vibe.

The thing you need to understand about me before I get into this is I love in-fiction inventory systems and despise abstractions like usage dice or, shivering even thinking about it, no inventory at all. Like, every description I write for a new D&D PC details every important piece of gear they have and where/how they are carrying it.

I've been whittling away at my current draft for over a month now, and while it's felt nice and clean I've been running out of steam recently trying to flesh out the last details I need to (and procrastinating on writing my procedures section, although that more so exists to make me codify my approaches since this is mainly a personal project).

So I decided to shift gears to making characters. I'm trying to make my system light and approachable, so I decided to design these as if I were to run this for my extended family this Christmas (which isn't entirely out of the question; I ran the 5e starter set for my cousin & uncles a few years ago, and my aunts joined in when we played the D&D dungeon board games the year after). That means these characters are designed to be used immediately at the table, rather than twiddling with numbers & formulas in an excel sheet (which has killed my previous efforts before). So I decided to draft up something notecard sized in google drawings:

(The whole "dwarf fighter, neutral good" thing is purely flavor meant to give a vibe, keeping in mind that my dad has an AD&D background. There is no mechanical impact from them)

Just the process of statting out some characters to fit archetypes people might be expecting (since there' are no classes or playbooks, and everyone uses magic) was incredible for helping me shape how these characters should work; it even got me to add an attribute (originally I just had Finesse, which got broken out into Dexterity for stealth, thievery, sleight of hand, etc. and Focus for perception and aim) and the memory stat, which is increased by Wisdom (though memory is just used because people will recognize it; it's more so about how much you can tune your spirit so it can properly channel the prepared spells).

And the memory stat is where this came together, really. Because it gave me a reason to make spellbooks important (as the place you consult to prepare new spells), and since max load is low (with -1 strength you have a max load of 10 bulk; adventuring gear takes up 6) those take up space. That got me thinking on how much space a spellbook should really has, and I figured a book worth 1 bulk can hold maybe 12 spells worth of notes.

The mage starts with 10 of those filled, with the expectation more spells can be discovered on adventure. And she can't carry anything else in her inventory without being encumbered. Plus, gaining more magical power largely requires carrying basically arcane batteries (magical staves, crystals, etc) or making pacts with spirits.

So if you're focusing on maximizing your magic, your inventory is going to matter a lot; you'll probably need to spend treasure just on new spellbooks, ink, and flux materials to consolidate spellbooks for certain purposes, so you can pick which spellbooks you want for which purposes.

But how is an aspiring mage going to carry that treasure? They'll probably need to make bargains with the other party members to carry their share, or make sacrifices of basic adventuring gear to make room.

It says a lot about me that this is what has gotten me the most excited about finishing up my design so I can finally start running it.

[sunbleachedflyy]

june 28 - bunny

rules for horror movies:

must be 1hr and a half

if they’re british, prepare to watch the movie twice because you fell asleep the first time (not boring, just calming…)

don’t watch the trailers, they spoil everything

June 29 - 4 years with, 6 without

last night, i dreamt about highschool. i was with all my past friends and teachers. it’s weird how we’ve been away from each other longer than we knew one another. the same amount of time it took to recognize their laughs and quirks, their troubles and hopes, has passed with each new friend and firsts. but in my dream, all the sleepovers and practices, all the fights and reconciliations, wrapped around me like a childhood blanket - familiar and warm. in my sleep, i was back there. i felt the fog, heavy and starless, in those early mornings of december, running late for tutoring sessions; he’d greet me at the door. i heard the crickets’ song as we finished up late night drills, cheering us on. i witnessed the look of a teacher who genuinely cared and relished the feeling of walking to class with my best friend, giggling, heads huddled. and, in my dream, when she asked if i missed her, i laughed. what a silly question. i was there with her, after all.

then, i woke up and i wasn’t.

july 1 - an inquiry

a new month - what will that mean for me?

do i mean it now? i think so.

european summer - one aperol spritz, please

firstly, i can’t believe it’s actually happening. this trip has been months in the making and now it’s right around the corner. it probably won't feel real until i’m on the plane honestly, but i’m just so happy for this opportunity to explore another country.

that being said, i’ve never felt so completely overwhelmed…

i do cherish the lessons i’ve learned while planning for europe. i’ve had to make these big, scary decisions which isn’t something i’m used to. it’s taken some real research to figure out trains and flights, housing and budgeting. i’ve had to decide on the places i felt were worth exploring and how to make it happen. i’ve never had that kind of freedom when traveling.

it’s kind of funny. in the depths of my stress, somewhere between aggressively comparing traveling cards and wanting to cancel the whole thing, i remembered how not too long ago, this situation is what i asked for. i wanted a trip that felt like mine. i felt like the only reason i did any traveling was for others.

weddings, family vacations, concerts, bachelorette parties.

don’t get me wrong, i absolutely love it and have had so much fun celebrating with my loved ones. i just felt like what i needed now was the chance to do my own exploring.

this trip has been so much work but it’s mine.

july 2 - we are just teenage girls

my mother is human too

she wants to yell and be heard

sometimes throw blame and careless words

she is learning the ropes

when it comes to rage

i see myself there

i see all of us there

[jacob-romero]

design diary 003

awfully late i know, won't happen again.

midterm season was approaching, fast. for us design students we don't really have midterms, at least not traditionally. instead we have a big final project for each class.

so what did we decide to do? throw a party.

my first "college party" was a potluck with all my friends

a delicious potluck, jesus.

the food was so good, filipino food to indian food, there was so much good food that night.

however, after the party it was back to reality. for 3D form studio we were tasked with a group project to build a garden nome. the catch? it was made out of concrete, and was divided into three modular parts.

from carving it out from red foam to preparing the molds, it was a long, long process that took a few weeks to do. ours was a cat in a ufo who was stuck to a claw in a claw machine.

it was a particularly messy process making the molds, but it was fun since the whole class was doing it together.

when it came to the concrete pours... it took a couple tries. it took a few tries figuring out how to tap it on the sides, how to shake it, and pour it so it would come out as smooth as possible. in the end Manny helped us figure out how to smooth it out with water and sandpaper.

we had thanksgiving break, right before the school of design's final week. for me it was no break, i had two days of work back to back plus a family trip to indiana. i was so tired but i finished a portion of my gnome project half asleep on my aunts sofa in indiana.

while all of that was happening, for design drawing i was drawing this dreaded mouse... why did i choose this mouse...

we had about a month,

we were tasked to draw the mouse, not once, not twice, but fifteen different times. three perspectives, an exploded view, different iterations and then once again another three perspectives. this project lead me to do things i didn't think i would do. i spent most of the month preparing the sketches that would be used as my templates, i had a system for this class. i drew the drawings all on one page and kept them at home, then i would work on them by tracing them onto new sheets and working on them at school, incase i messed up, i had the masters at home to trace. (i learned this from loosing my second project on the train two days before it was due, i was saved by a few masters i had at home which helped me finish on time)

a week before it was due, i was on track, halfway through the coloring process, however, i realized i was doing too much. this realization came to me on thursday during break…4 days before it was due.

i was rendering the mouse with more detailed than asked. however a big part of the grade was consistency, so i had to push forward. from spending 40$ on one set of prismacolors i then again spent another 40$ on another set. (thankfully to my understanding drawing will be digital in later classes so i won't have to spend more than this) and then.... those markers began to die. so what did i do? i bought insulin syringes!

i sent this photo to my mom, she asked what was it for, and i said drugs.

in reality though, they were to try to revive the markers with a liquid i forget the name. ill link the article if anyone is interested. i found it hilarious.

specifically this,

"fifth, replace the cap on both ends of the marker and shake it like you've never shaken anything before in your life. you are the san andreas fault and that marker is california. knock san francisco right into the ocean. shake!" - katiecandraw (2009)

this did in fact barley help. the markers were kind of revived but i did not get the results katiecandraw got. i should have realized sooner that a post from 2009 was not gonna help me as much.

after this i was in panic mode. i pulled my first all-nighter ever.

it was a very chaotic night. and i wasn't alone the whole class was up till 4, 5 in the morning working on this project.

but we pulled through! i gave a decent presentation for the critique, although i did ramble about my disdain for computer mice design and my love for the apple design....

i was running on two hours of sleep.

after the class ended, we all fell asleep on the beds that the architecture students had built for a project exploring public sleeping. truly a blessing.

this day we also finished our gnomes for 3D form studio. thankfully the gnome wasn't due for a few more days and we got to work on it without worry.

i won't lie i was a bit manic that day, i think we all were. we were all running on little to no sleep. but we all pulled through. here’s the final project:

i passed the semester with all a's !!!

so we lit.

finishing writing this at ML Kitchen on taylor street with friends at 2:32pm on january 17th

[thirst2]

‘Had a weird dream.

‘Was back in college; Dodi was there, possibly planning/involved-in something. And Tori was running for something like class president; which, like…Williams didn’t have. If I remember, they had something called Student Council but my dream apparently decided she wasn’t going to be running for that.

For whatever reason, all of us were very intent on supporting her in this; “for whatever reason” not because Tori doesn’t/didn’t deserve support but because, like, my mother and brother was there and we were all getting ready and dressing up for the speech she was going to give. It was a whole thing.

And, while not realistic, it makes sense for a dream: people getting together and preparing for a big or formal event shows up often. I think it’s my brain dredging up my many memories of getting ready for events like these and, while a lot of spoons, they’re exciting – just the anticipation throughout the day – and there’s a sense of duty and support for those you care about and, you know, formal events are often, in some capacity, a party.

It makes sense that my brain, in dreamland, might take this scenario and presume, “Why not make this a family event?”

Anyway, there was a lot that happened and it was the type of dream that processes entire concepts in great detail – as if awake – but, because it’s a dream, they all dissipate shortly after waking.

But the climax of the dream was, after we’d all finished getting prepared, I was going to text Tori some message of support and encouragement before her speech and this resolution to start writing posts like these, again, because too much time has passed of not bothering to keep developing/working-on myself. There was more; I had organized my thoughts really well and it was important and I was excited about starting it; but I don’t remember, anymore.

I think it’s tied to the new year, that urgency.

But, in the cold light of waking, there’s a…processing, maybe.

Social interaction (of any degree or capacity) has always been a spoon-heavy activity; much of it stemming from my latency in processing but I’d like to think I’m, at least, baseline adequate at reading facial expression and tone, by now, and I just have to cop to the fact that it’s…always going to take a lot of spoons. That’s the nature of the activity, for me. So ist das leben.

I remember, in college, remarking to Dodi about trying to reach out and be more social and how I was having trouble with it; I think more so the effort of putting myself out there than the success of that endeavor because I remember remarking that I found myself finding that initial step difficult to which I rationalized, “Which makes sense; people can't respond to you if you don’t give them anything to respond to,” and Dodi agreeing along the lines of, “Of course; you have to put yourself out there.”

I don’t disagree with that sentiment, still; it’s a very human response and, Void knows, no one owes you time or attention. But it also strikes to the core of making connections, right? What is a friendship but a mutual reaction to shared interest in qualities both possess? Alright; that’s a simplification via flattening but…you know, I think it’s an accurate element of the core of things.

It’s part of what makes friendships (and humans, with our weird convergence with free-will) and social networks, well, what they are; you sacrifice them if you sacrifice free association.

But Void – is it so many spoons.

And I think part of my sheer excitement in the dream (beyond being able to support a friend and the general excitement of the moment) was being back in a controlled environment that made socializing so much easier.

And, after waking and trying to cobble together some understanding of what I’d just experienced, there was the realization of how much it wasn’t that it was just an experience I’ve had in the past and may not come again but how fundamentally it is not repeatable.

I’m not entirely sure how even I got from one to the other but the deterioration of my social network over the past decade has made it painfully clear how much I…didn’t need it? Like, – if my comfortableness with isolating at home throughout the pandemic (an activity which hasn’t ended as there’s still an ongoing pandemic) stood in contrast with how much everyone else has not done well with such isolation – I’ve, further, discovered that I seem to do alright with, in large part, very weak connections to others. Like, – so long as I’m self-sufficient and have access to the internet – I think I’d be fine…; I probably wouldn’t do well with utterly no human connection (hence the internet or the need for a remote job) but a severance of anything resembling friendships seems perfectly livable, so far.

Which – and this is desperately important – isn’t me saying, “Fuck all that noise; I don’t need any of it and I’m better off without it.”

I’m neither trying to be a misanthrope nor finding any source of annoyance with anyone I know; I adore people (probably too intensely) and have loyalty from the most threadbare of associations; it is not, by any measure, difficult to wring affection from me.

It’s just…something I’ve noticed, about myself.

And there was this realization that, whether desired or not, this made sense; in a truly utilitarian way, I just…don’t have the mental capacity to keep up enough to form lasting bonds; I think.

Actually, – saying it aloud – I feel worse about that than I originally thought.

But, like, what’s to be done about it?

As I was thinking things over, I remembered various social events from high school, things like meeting up with friends for breakfast at a local restaurant or heading over from band camp to a hang-out location.

And, in the reflection of the last 10 years, I felt, this morning, a sort of emptiness about them. Don’t get me wrong, they were fun; time spend with people I was (and am) fond of. But, like, also kind of empty? By which I mean, they didn’t result in anything other than a fond memory. No strengthened ties or connections; removing them would probably alter a part of my development but, otherwise…just pretty inconsequential (in the grand scheme).

I don’t think I’d approach it that way if it weren’t for the general…inevitable marching towards the current predicament? My eternal sentimentality always found that an event – even if passing – was important if it meant something, even if only in that moment. It happened and that’s not something you can ever have any guarantee of, in life. Isn’t that meaningful? Why shouldn’t we create and draw meaning from it? Yet, being unable to more easily make acquaintances and friends without sacrificing mountains of energy and mental well-being – I think those memories feel inconsequential because they don’t affect my current outcome; I’m not sure much of anything could affect it.

Which – to be fair – it’s not like people didn’t reach out to me, over the years. I had two friends who sought me out, specifically, when they ran head-first into depression at life-altering moments; but, nursing my own depression (and discovery, by trial-and-error, that I have anxiety), those relationships fell through, as much as I wanted to be there for them (and appreciated that I was one of the people they felt they could lean on in those moments; if only their instinct had actually been correct).

And (again, putting yourself out there…) there’s nothing stopping me from reaching back out (or could have done, in the past); maybe I’d just be frank and explain things and why I was the way I was.

Maybe; there’s vulnerability, in that. As earnest and forward as I prided myself on being in childhood, adulthood has exposed that it may’ve been just that I was comfortable with certain kinds of vulnerability and there’s a whole treasure-trove of those I’m not. Something, something, childhood, abuse, character building…

But it’s not what I’d imagined; I was relatively social, towards the end of high school, and I enjoyed it a lot. I like being there for people and I like getting to know people and getting to listen to them and I like people, period. I was strongly impacted by the closeness and frequent seeing of my uncles and aunts and I wanted that closeness for my future relatives; I imagined constantly popping in to see my niblings and second-cousins. I imagined a sprawling network of friends that I’d frequently be involved in, frequently there for, frequently connecting and reconnecting with, dynamic and alive.

I think a small network would have still made sense, to me.

An incapable one is…well, an antithesis (life has a sense of humor); I don’t think I was expecting that.

And, I guess, my point of the above is that I can adapt; I can do it (depression, if nothing else, has taught me I’m quite adept at creating a meal out of sticks). It wasn’t the choice I’d’ve made but I’ll be alright.

Because, again, what can you do? Like, I can’t (and wouldn’t) blame anyone; the faults are a byproduct of the requirements. I can’t possibly blame anyone who didn’t see the point in keeping up with someone who doesn’t reply for 2-weeks-to-a-month. I think what I was going through makes it understandable but can I really fault if someone felt abandoned by my not being there during their incredibly dark and isolating time? Maybe they resent me, for it, or no longer possibly feel like they can put their trust in me; that’s understandable.

I don’t know if I’m capturing it but there’s a…neutralness about it. I don’t know if I have the capability of keeping friends; that’ll have to be O. K. I’m not sure I know how to do it – anymore – at this point, anyway.

[marvelsimp97]

The Broken Princess (Loki x Reader) Part Three

Summary: Reader is a princess of a kingdom with a culture where women sit at home, cook and keep being pretty. She was never like that no matter how much her mother wanted her to be like that. However she gets engaged with the Asgardian prince, Loki. They don't like to be forced into it but not for the same reason.

Word count: 5148

Warnings: angst

A/N: I originally imagined Reader as a Chinese princess but throughout the whole story I never used any specific description for her like I usually do the same with every fanfic I write. Oh, and I have a little one-shot collection where I collect all of the requested works and whatever just popped into my mind. So if you have a request, feel free to send them to me! (Kylo Ren needs some love in that collection so pls feel free to request with him! <3)

You were still curious as to what was your fiancée doing out in the capital city in the middle of the night. You wanted to ask Frigga about it but decided against it in case you would get Loki into trouble. You were grateful for the little peace between you two, you didn't want to ruin it to bicker around again.

Frigga was satisfied with your work with the children for them to develop quite fast. You were a good teacher and were patient with them. All of the little boys and girls loved you and by them their parents quickly learnt how good natured and kind you were. At the tea parties the other princesses now gathered around you in a large group while others weren't as happy with the news. But that was their problem. You and Loki met at the library often during at night and even if you didn't talk that much the peace and quiet was enough. You weren't uncomfortable with him sitting at the same table with you and reading in quiet while you did the same thing. Sometimes he even recommended books for you to read after he learnt how deep in love you were with literature.

The preparations for the wedding was getting started and today was the first meeting with the royal wedding planner. You sat on a sofa in the queen's salon with Frigga and Loki on your sides and forced yourself to seem not as bored as you were actually. There were sample of different types of decorations and each had various color schemes from lighter to darker shades. You saw how Frigga's eyes shined up at the light golden and cream decorations with bright red and white roses. You liked something little more pastel like light pink or green with light gold or silver. Loki didn't care he just wanted to get over this meeting to go and finish the paperwork Odin left for him to do. The king liked to give him the paperwork of the monetary affairs. Which Loki hated to do even if he was excellent in it and pointed out every missing penny. Last month he was able to detect a peculator in the court and Odin sent the man to prison immediately.

"We first need to choose the decoration type and its color scheme. You can change the flowers if you want I prepared a list of which flower matches the same decoration. The most popular nowadays is this one, called Perfect Day. I think that would not be the best choice, the royal family needs to be unique and a leader at everything. Every couple would want a wedding like yours after." the old lady smiled in front of you like this was the biggest choice in politics or strategy. You turned to Frigga.

"I trust your judgement, my queen." you said. "I saw you liked the one with light gold and cream. Do you think that would fit us?"

"It is your wedding, dear, you should be the one to choose." Frigga shook her head with a smile.

"I saw something right there!" you quickly started turning the large pages of the large album searching for the one you liked. It was a light apple green, almost white with light, platinum gold accents. The tablecloth was the light green while across the table was laid a long stripe of white cloth with shining platinum golden flowers and vines decorating the fabric. White fluffy snowball flowers in white porcelain vases and light green organza stripes hanging around the room at the large windows. You pointed at it smiling hoping, the meeting would end soon.

"Excellent choice, my princess! That one is quite exquisite and even if it's quite simple that is what gives it's luxuriousness!" clapped her hands happily the old lady. "Now as for the flowers..."

You wanted to groan but you kept smiling while she went through the decorations outside the throne room, the gardens and the dining hall. She asked you to choose the flowers for the ladies and the dress-code. When you saw how irritated Loki was you quickly saved both him and the old lady by saying that he had more important things to do, you can choose on your own. Loki nodded gratefully to you before leaving you three in silence.

When it was finally over you sighed tiredly and exhausted walking down the corridor towards the bedchambers' section. You spotted a small balcony and decided to step out onto it to cool your heated skin down a bit. The cold wind of the night – because it was already night time when you finally left the salon – tickled your skin through your hair and your lips pulled into a smile. You couldn't get enough of this scenery of the night city below the castle. Suddenly you heard the tapping of horse hooves on ground from the gardens and spotted Loki's retreating form in the night his long green cape waving in the wind like the ocean.

"Are you curious, my princess?" asked suddenly someone from the neighboring balcony making you jump in your surprise. You snapped your head to the woman standing there to see Lady Lynn smiling back at you with an evil satisfied smile on her lips. She was beautiful out matching every noble lady around her but she was like a snake and acted like it.

"Should I be concerned?" you sighed rolling your eyes not really wanting to hear her false words.

"The prince is visiting a lady whenever he can sneak out of the palace." she continued ignoring your reaction. You knew she expected you to get angry or jealous but you had no feelings for him and if he wished to see another you will let him. "I have heard that she is a beauty that has no match which must be ridiculous. Have you seen me?" she scoffed. "Anyway, they met here on a ball when they were younger. Everyone says they fell head over heels for each other..."

"And why would I care about it?" you asked coldly. "I am the one engaged with him. I am the one who stays in the palace. You should know as a noble that marriage for people like us never was about love. It is cold out here, you should go inside and leave me be if you wish not to catch a cold."

You lifted your hand and blew cold icy wind into her face. It wasn't magic, no. Ädranä's royal family were the ancestors of the ancient dragons who created their land. You couldn't change into a dragon of course but because you were their ancestor you had a little power over one of the elements and that was the air. Your brother was the river and your father was the earth. Your mother had no power like that because she was from a simple noble family.

Lady Lynn gasped and quickly went back inside in case you would decide to knock her off balance and over the railing of the balcony she was standing on. You sighed and returned to your chambers not long after. A lover. So that is why he left at night so often. You were surprised to feel disappointed. Why had you had feelings like that? He was nothing to you and will never mean anything even if you will be married to him. The fact that he could act civil with you didn't mean he could grow to love you. You admitted after thinking for a long time wide awake in your bed that maybe you were too careless and let yourself start to like him.

Time skip~

Your days were dutiful but you could still find a small free time to sit down and read. Queen Frigga decided to join you with some tea as company in the library. Your mind was racing with the questions you wanted to ask her but you wanted to stay silent for now. You were curious as to who this secret lady was. You cursed yourself for being so nosy but it was bothering you since you spoke with Lady Lynn and that was a few days ago.

"Something is bothering you, my child." spoke up Queen Frigga in the silence you two were sitting in since she arrived. Your cheek grew hot and you averted your gaze to the carpeted floor.

"There is something I wanted to ask you... since a few days." you sighed after a long silence. You slowly looked up to look at her beautiful face anxiety filling you. "Why is Loki leaving the palace at night?"

You watched her eyes widen and her lips form a surprised 'o' before her expression grew sad and apologetic. She slowly put her book down, placed her cup back down to the small plate on the silver tray and leaned back in her chair putting her hands in her lap and staring straight forward. Your brow furrowed and tried to hide your worry.

"I should have informed you some time ago about it but... I could not do that to you." she sighed. "A long time ago, when my son was in his adolescent years, he met a girl around his age on a ball which we organized for the commoner. It was a great celebration for the victory of my husband over Vanaheim. Loki met this girl who was no one of importance and fell in love with her beauty and kind-heartedness. She had platinum blonde hair and beautiful cerulean blue eyes with plump pink lips and fair white skin. She was like a porcelain doll. But she was sickly that time already. Their relationship grew as their love. My husband never approved of it and even if I do not mind I never encouraged it supporting my husband. Many years passed and the girl grew more and more ill till she could not leave her room and now... she cannot leave her bed even. The best healers of the realm I have sent to her have said that she has a few months amongst the living yet."

"Oh..." you mumbled shocked and sad. A true fairy-tail without a happy ending. "How is Loki?"

"I believe that... he stays alone in his chambers just to avoid someone noticing his sadness. He believes it to be weakness to feel... to be sensitive about losing someone you hold close to your heart." Frigga smiled sadly at you.

"Can I meet her?" you asked without thinking. Your curiosity was stronger than you but you were eager to meet her. She sounded like a good person and if she could bring happiness into your soon to be husband's life than you will be happy for them and will thank her. That was the only thing you could do.

"Of course, my child." nodded the queen with a confused glint in her eyes.

"Will you lead me to her, my queen?" you stood up with a happy smile on your lips. Frigga stood up from her seat hesitantly and the two of you went down to the carriages to go out to the capital. Since the day you arrived you haven't spent a day down there and you were eager to see the commoner hurry on the streets, living their busy lives. How simple their lives must be. No scheming, no evil plans, no bad intentions, no corruption or deceit. No one to stab them in the back from their own family.

You stared out the window watching some commoner stop and stare in wonder at the royal carriage zip past them. Your mouth watered at the sight of cakes and biscuits and fruits near the market and your eyes shined up at the sight of a shop selling notebooks and pens. Frigga chuckled at your wonder but stayed silent till you arrived. She waited for you to leave the carriage in front of a small house. It was built from stone and its was not bigger than a cottage. You saw crackling fire through the single window at the front while Frigga knocked on the door waiting patiently for someone to open it. An old lady came out opening the door just a crack. Frigga smiled down to the old lady and asked for entrance. You stepped up to the queen to greet the old lady but earned a nasty glare from the elderly.

"Why are you here?!" she asked unfriendly as she looked you up and down.

"I just wished to meet the one who holds Loki's heart." you smiled kindly down at her with no malice. "Please, let us in... I wish to thank her for making him happy."

"I will stay in the room as the queen too. If you try anything..." she threatened as she opened the door to let you two in. You bowed to the old lady as you were taught back in your home giving your respect to elderly. Her eyes only narrowed at your behavior and you knew that you probably couldn't do anything to make her see that you came in peace. She led Frigga and you up on the stairs to a small room. You heard soft coughing coming from the room and when you stepped inside you spotted a delicate young woman around your age draw something curled up on the window seat in a white night gown. Her platinum blonde hair was messy and dry, her body thin and weak. When she looked at the visitors her eyes widened and she quickly got to her feet bowing to Frigga and you. Her balance was however not as good and easily fell on her side from the sudden movement.

You jumped into action without caring what the old lady thought or how she would yell at you. You rushed to her side and helped her up and back into a sitting position on the window seat. She looked up at you in surprise and with a grateful smile on her lips. She was beautiful. Even if she was bedridden. You felt a pang of jealous at how you were pampered by maids for two hours each morning but here she was so beautiful even when she had dark circles under her eyes and sickly pale skin. You smiled back kindly and stepped back from her.

"Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" you asked gently.

"N-no... thank you." she replied coughing a little. You didn't wait for permission and pulled out the chair from the desk in the corner offering it to Frigga. She thanked you and sat down before you pulled out another chair from the bedside. "M-my queen... did something happen to Loki? Is he alright?"

"Yes, my child, he is quite well." chuckled the blonde woman as she patted the other's knee. "I came to visit you with Princess (Name). When she learnt about you she wanted to see you."

You saw the white haired young woman's beautiful face fall as she glanced at you in panic. Your eyebrows curled in sadness that another person was thinking of you like a threat.

"Please, do not fret. I only wanted to say... thanks for caring about him." you said quietly surprising her quite some. "At first Loki and I... did not get along that well... but eventually I could make him see that this marriage which was forced on him was forced on me just as well. I am glad I can call him a friend nowadays and I am happy that he has someone who loves him dearly. Thank you for it."

"Wha-" she opened her mouth but couldn't find any words.

"I am sorry I startled you. Please, forgive me." you bowed your head a little as you sat on the chair your hands in your lap.

"You are really... that kind?" the girl breathed in disbelief.

"Um... I cannot tell you that I am kind to all... but I can see difference between friend and foe. I hope I can call you the former in the future." you smiled warmly back at her.

"You have to forgive me for doubting your kindness but this is so sudden..." she placed a hand in front of her mouth as she stared forward.

"Sygin, I can reassure you that there is no malice in her actions. (Name) was only curious to know you. You should see how all those children love her at the palace. She is doing an excellent job with teaching." smiled the queen at Sygin trying to end her doubts.

"I... I do not know what to say." sighed the white haired woman.

"Only that you will try to get to know me before judging." you stood up from your seat. "My queen, I believe it is time we leave Lady Sygin to rest. I wish not to disturb."

"Alright." smiled Frigga at Sygin as she stood up as well and left the room with you. You tried to not take it to heart that she couldn't trust you. You were however determined to get to know her and show her that you were only grateful for her to take care of Loki. You knew you would never get the chance to do that.

The ride back to the palace was quicker than the way out. You exchanged no words with the queen as you thought of how could you change Sygin's mind about you. You expected her to tell Loki about you and when that would happen, you had to be prepared for whatever words he would throw at your head.

Time skip~

Weeks went fast and each time you saw Loki leave the palace at night you wished to not receive his rage the next day. You decided to give Sygin some time to think before you would visit again. You went down to the kitchen to see the chef. Of course all of the cooks and chefs were afraid of what you would want when you showed up at the door of the kitchen. You laughed at how their hands stopped and eyes widened at your sight at the door.

It took them some time to see that you were not going to yell at them. When you asked one of the chefs to teach you how to make muffins he paled. You had to reassure him that Odin would not punish him for anything.

"No, no, no, no, no! I am not here to test you or anything of the sort!" you lifted your hands and walked up to the man who grasped at his chest. "I have friend who I promised muffins by my own hands and I wish to learn how to bake them. Could you teach me?"

"B-b-b-b-ut, your highness, there is no need for you to bake them yourself! We can do it for you, you just need to ask." he protested. You huffed a little annoyed.

"I am not my fiancé, alright?!" you narrowed your eyes. "I will never send anyone to jail for something that is not their fault or a fault at all. I am only asking you to help me out. I promised my friend that I can learn something which I have never done. I wish to fulfill my promise."

Norrec as he was called sighed defeated but somewhat relieved and agreed to it. You smiled brightly at him and followed him further into the kitchen following his every order. Someone strew some flour on your dress and immediately everyone paled. You looked up and started laughing.

"Oh, look at your faces! Ahahahaha!" you laughed. "I am sorry! I just- ahahahaha! Please, do not-, you do not need to apologize. It can be washed out. It is just flour."

"Are you really not mad at... me?" asked the cook who strew the flour on you surprised and more like out of shock.

"No, no. Everything is alright." you patted his shoulder with a kind smile. Your face fell a little as an idea popped into your mind. "Um... I have to ask. Are there rumors about me? Or is it about that every royal member treats you unkindly?"

"Well, Princess... yes. You are of royal blood. Usually people from your level only polite with each other. Queen Frigga of course is different but... she is still of royal." spoke up Norrec. "Your actions are not... usual."

"That is sad... I was taught to appreciate my people. That I should be thankful for all of you and be kind to you. No harm was done by a little flour falling on my skirt. And please, do not fear to approach me with anything." you smiled warmly at them. You noticed how their behavior changed quickly. They turned friendly from distant and you felt happy. When the muffins were finished you clasped your hands happily and gave a kiss to Norrec on his cheek making him blush.

You quickly changed out of your dress into a clean one picked up the small basket filled with the muffins from the kitchen and left the palace. You only asked for a horse and quickly fled the scene. You never had official riding lessons however you pleaded with your father's best swordsman until he sighed an agreed and taught you. As you rode you tried to turn the right corners and when you felt lost you jumped off the horse and asked a woman of where you could find Sygin's house. She was frightened that you were so straight forward but couldn't help but smile back when you said your goodbyes and wished her a good day. You quickly found the house and your heart pumped loudly in your chest as you approached the door. You knocked on the wooden surface and waited until the old lady opened the it.

"What do you want?!" she asked rudely.

"I thought I could show you that I came in peace? I brought muffins!" you beamed down at her but she slammed the door in your face. You sighed defeated. You turned back to your horse and petted her smiling sadly. You jumped back on her and went back to the palace. You gave the muffins to your maids.

Every second day you made muffins down in the kitchen every time brought to Sygin and was rejected. You were a little disappointed but decided to not give up. You will try until they would hear you out.

Sygin's PoV.

She came back. Everyday she came back with a basket in her hand. Sygin didn't know what to think of the princess but her determination impressed her. The young woman couldn't decide what the princess possible could want from her. Why would she want to know her? She was in the way of her marriage. She was in the way of her happiness. To grab the power or whatever noble people fought for.

As days passed and Sygin watch the princess get rejected by Holena again she noticed something glistening (Name)'s eyes. She sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose, took a deep breath. She was standing there for a long time, Sygin thought she wouldn't leave and would bang on the door forcing her way inside when the princess was approached by children. The children tugged at her beautiful dress and it seemed like they tried to comfort their princess. The white haired girl had to hear what they were talking about and opened the window looking out to the street below.

"Please do not cry, your highness!" tried to hug a little girl (Name) around her large skirt at her legs. It made (Name) giggle and crouch down to the children's level. She patted her blonde hair and hugged her to her chest. The other children hugged the princess too.

"How sweet this is of you all!" smiled brightly at them (Name). "I am afraid that I will never get to know the one who I thought could be my ally. She seems so kind, so good-hearted. And she is so beautiful... I am so jealous of her beauty sometimes. But she makes my friend so happy. I feel the need to show my gratitude to her."

"But Loki is your fiancé... not your friend... you will marry him!" furrowed her eyebrows confused another little girl with brown hair and green eyes.

"None of us was in love with the other when we were engaged. I tried to run away, to hide in the tiniest place to never be found again. We do not love each other and even if I would love Prince Loki... I know he would never love me back. He already loves someone who makes him happy. And I cannot wish anything more for myself than to see him happy even if it is with another."

Sygin wanted to think that it was all an act, that the princess paid for the children to gather around her and make an act but she couldn't. She saw the tears that left the princess' eyes, running down her cheeks. Sygin couldn't agree with the princess however. She wasn't as beautiful as (Name) said she was. She was jealous of the princess of how close she could be all day to Loki and how she didn't need to stay in bed all day.

"You trust her." spoke up suddenly Holena behind her but she didn't flinch.

"You still think she has malevolent intentions?" Sygin asked back still looking down at the princess talking to the children smiling at them brightly and hugging them before standing up and making her way to her horse her basket now empty. Sygin knew she had to act. "Hey, princess (Name)! Maybe we should talk!"

Her voice was weak and she cursed that she erupted in a coughing fit. Holena helped her back to her bed and went to open the door. When the old lady came back (Name) following her Sygin nodded as a greeting to the princess. (Name) erupted in a bright smile and lifted her basket.

"I made all of them for you but... there is just one left. I hope you accept it even if it is not much." she smiled apologetically at Sygin. The white haired young woman couldn't understand this princess. Why was she so kind? So straight forward? So approachable?

"You made them?" Sygin asked in disbelief.

"I... uh... yes..." she lowered her head. "Maybe they do not taste as good as the royal chef's but I followed his instructions. Maybe I was bothering him by following him around until he let me do it but... I hope they taste alright..."

"Do not just stand in the door, girly." spoke up Holena surprising both of them. "What? Now that you are inside you should stay a little. Sit where you can."

The old lady left the two of them along in a nervous silence. Sygin closed her eyes before she reached for the muffin in the basket. She carefully pealed the paper off and took a small piece off of it with her fingers. She put it in her mouth carefully and chewed slowly. It tasted so good she almost couldn't suppress a moan.

"So? Is it okay?" asked eagerly (Name) her eyes sparkling excitedly.

"Y-yeah..." furrowed her eyebrows Sygin. "What do you really want with this?"

"I just... I just would like to get to know you a little better... and show you that I do not want to cause you harm or would not hurt you with my words." (Name) answered sadness showing on her beautiful face.

"You are a princess. People like you always has something behind their words and actions. A purpose, a reason, a goal to achieve." rolled her eyes Sygin. She watched the princess' features' turn hard and disappointed.

"I came from a different culture than you, my lady... You all speak like you know that there is something behind my kindness. What if I am just kind? What if I have no purpose? No goal? I have met those kind of princesses you are used to and I have to agree you are right to not trust them. But would any of them try so desperately to know you? They would call you a commoner... and even if you are, that does not mean I can look down on you just because I have royal blood in my veins." (Name) replied.

"But even if that is true... why would you want to become my friend? You must have your friends." asked further Sygin.

"It is not I who need friends." (Name) shook her head. "I have friends who I hold dearly to my heart. Do you have friends who visit you from time to time other than Loki? Did the ones you had stay on your side when they learnt that you were sick?"

"Then go back to them." hissed Sygin at (Name). A long silence took place between them but none of them moved. The princess stood up and went to the window closing it before picking up the drawings from the window seat.

"You are alike, you know?" asked (Name) with a smirk on her lips. Sygin looked at her confused as the princess looked back up at her. 'With Loki. He doubted my intentions when I arrived... he was rude and ignored me if we were in the same room. I wanted to change that but not for him to grow to love me. Oh, no. I know I am not like someone he would ever love after meeting you... but now that we will be forced to live our lives bonded together like that... I wish to not bicker around with him all the time."

"You will still live your life with him... which I can never do." tears gathered in Sygin's eyes as she looked down at her lap knowing... feeling the end coming to her. Each night she went to sleep with the thought of never getting up again. Death still frightened her and her heart was aching for Loki. She didn't want him to feel sad, to feel the pain of losing her. Yet she was so selfish to wish he would visit her again to talk all night long, to kiss his lips, to hold him tight. Gentle arms snaked around her and pulled her tight into a warm embrace. Soft (h/c) hair brushed against her cheek as she was hugged by Princess (Name).

"I am so sorry..." whispered the princess rubbing her back soothingly. Sygin's eyes widened as she felt something familiar coming from (Name). Something like her mother would've been who died when she was young. Sygin held tightly to (Name) as she cried sobbing and shaking violently. They sat there for a long time until she calmed down into a sleep.

To be continued...

Taglist: @caniputmyballsinyojahws

[ameliora-j]

before i fell // dm x reader

words: 2.8k

warnings: angst, talk of a breakup, mention of loss of virginity, mention of not eating, mention of not sleeping, pansy is kinda ooc and so is draco, the slytherins are assholes

a/n: i used a lot of olivia rodrigo lyrics bc i listened to SOUR while writing lol. lmk if i should add other warnings and happy reading babies!

you would be cliche and say that you fell in love the way that you fall asleep. slowly and then all at once. but you couldn’t because you didn’t. it wasn’t a john green novel and you weren’t hazel grace lancaster. falling in love wasn’t simple, and that description of it truly… didn’t describe anything. falling in love was more complicated than that. there were more layers to it than that. falling in love was rather… quick and unexpected. unexpected like snow in the middle of march. or rain when there’s not a cloud in sight. quick like waiting months for an event and finally when the time comes, it feels like you blinked and then it was over.

falling in love with draco malfoy was all of these things and more. falling in love with draco malfoy brought upon more layers than that. falling in love with draco malfoy brought pain. not just any kind of pain, no… horrible, heart wrenching, gut twisting pain. pain that began by bubbling itself in your chest right at the center of your heart, then slowly but surely worked it’s way outwards. encapsulating your entire body and making every inch of your body ache. pain like when you get attached to a character and the author kills them off. pain like when you finish your favorite book and you realize that you’re not truly in that universe and none of that actually happened. pain like when you’re two hours, fifteen minutes, and twelve seconds into avengers: infinity war and peter parker says “mr. stark, i don’t feel so good.” pain that you’ve never felt. pain that can’t be described. pain that you felt for days. pain.

you thought it was strange when the platinum blonde slytherin sought you out. he came to you one day while you sat silently at the black lake. you were alone, but only because you liked to be. you had friends of course, many actually, but you chose to be alone. the black lake was your place of solace. then along came draco. he sat beside you, a good distance away, but his presence was known. you looked to him for an explanation but he offered none. just smiled at you and turned to his notes, so you did the same. the second time he came, he sat closer, but still in silence. the third time is when he struck up conversation.

“yln, yeah?” he questioned.

“yn, actually. but yes, yn yln. and you’re draco malfoy?” you asked.

“i am,” he smirked at your knowledge of his name and then you returned to your studying. after that, the two of you talked every time he came and sat with you. short discussions about the weather or the potions assignment. you don’t know when, but soon they became longer. discussions of your day and your family. your interests and how you got your name. how you loved the rain and the stars and how you loved hogwarts, but you often missed home. draco knew you inside and out and you knew him—and before long, you called the tall, skinny blonde your boyfriend.

you walked the halls of hogwarts together, hand in hand. draco walked haughtily with a hard scowl and you with a bright smile. while you walked cheerfully and waved to your friends and to first years while draco glared at anyone who dared look at the two of you. he took you to parties in the slytherin common room and you wore his jersey proudly at quidditch games, even when he played against your house. he bought you lavish gifts at all of your trips to hogsmeade and he showered you in kisses, praise, and affection. you were whole heartedly smitten with the sole heir to the malfoy fortune.

it was one fateful day in the common room when your heart absolutely exploded. that was the day you knew that you fell in love with draco malfoy. you had been a thing for about two, going on three, months. you were sitting in the slytherin common room, reading in silence when he asked. you were pressed against his chest and he pressed a soft kiss to your head. “‘ve been meaning to ask you something,” he murmured gently. this caused you to close the book and turn your full attention to him. “want you to wear this,” he said, holding out a ring. “it’s the malfoy family crest.”

your stomach and your heart exploded into billions of butterflies and you launched yourself forward, straight into his chest. millions of emotions overcame you as you squeezed his neck as tight as possible. you nodded into his neck as a few stray tears fell. he kissed your head repeatedly as he slid the ring onto your finger before pressing his lips to your’s gently. you giggled excitedly as you stared down at the ring on your finger. “do you like it?” he asked you.

“i love it, dray. i love you. thank you s’much,” you confessed for the first time as you cuddled back into his chest. you don’t know what it was that made the blonde boy seek you out, but you’re glad he did. if only you knew the true nature of his intentions. but alas, you were oblivious.

it was the beginning of the school year, on the train to hogwarts. in the compartment of what was labeled as “the slytherin squad.” there sat theo nott, pansy parkinson, blaise zabini, and—your now boyfriend—draco malfoy.

they were all sitting around, taking the piss out of draco for all of his past failed relationships when it was brought up. “i’ll bet malfoy couldn’t get a girl to fall in love with him if he paid her,” theo spoke.

“i’ll take that bet,” draco countered.

“alright. but we get to pick the girl,” blaise decided.

“what?” pansy asked as theo began to look around the compartment. it was a few minutes before he found the victim. it was then that your fate was sealed. there, sitting in the back corner, head tucked deep into a copy of the fault in our stars, was you. you. awkward and quiet. you with seemingly no friends. poor little unsuspecting you.

“that one,” nott smirked evilly.

“what the weirdo?!” draco exclaimed incredulously. “no way!”

“so then you forfeit?” blaise asked, causing draco to release a frustrated exhale.

“alright i’ll do it,” he rolled his eyes.

“then we give you five months. make yn yln fall in love with you in five months and we’ll do your homework for the rest of the year,” theo posed.

“and if i don’t?” draco asked.

“and when you don’t… thennn,” blaise taunted as he searched for a deal that was fair.

“then we get two hundred galleons each and you have to apologize to potter for making his life hell,” theo smirked. draco scoffed at this and rolled his eyes, but nodded nonetheless.

“and what are my conditions?” he raised an eyebrow.

“she has to say it first. you can do anything you want or need to get her to say it, but you cannot say ‘i love you’ first,” blaise spoke.

“this doesn’t seem fair to yn,” pansy piped in.

“shut your mouth parkinson. no one asked your opinion,” theo growled with a roll of his eyes. but it was too late. there was absolutely nothing the girl could do to get the three to change their minds. she just had to sit idly by and watch draco malfoy break your heart as she said nothing. she wished that she could stop it, but their minds were made up. and the three of them were very stubborn.

it was a few days after draco gave you his ring when your bubble came crashing down. you were walking to meet draco at your spot at the black lake when blaise and theo intercepted you. you knew who they were, of course you did. they were your boyfriend’s best friends, however why they were currently speaking to you, you had no idea.

they told you it would be quick. that they just wanted to show you something in the slytherin common room and left little room for argument, so you had no choice but to follow them there. they sat you on the couch and began to discuss your relationship with draco. you were very confused and had no idea why you were here. “so… draco hasn’t told you?” blaise mocked a gasp of shock.

“no?” you raised a soft eyebrow as you stared on. this made theo smirk evilly as he pulled up a projector and pointed his wand at it. a picture appeared, it looked like a memory. “what’s this?” you asked before the boys urged you to ‘shh.’ you sunk further into the couch as you idly watched on.

you truly weren’t paying attention untill you heard the voice of your boyfriend. the words he spoke stung. you were soft. emotional. the way he spoke about you absolutely crushed you. it would crush anyone, but it shattered you especially. “she’s so fucking weird!” “i’ll take that bet.”

‘s all you were. all you ever were. just a stupid belt. another notch in his belt. it was that moment that draco had barged into the common room. but by then, it was already too late. the tears had already sprung to your eyes and you were preparing for a torrential downpour as you heard his voice. “i’m out!” he announced breathlessly. he froze in his run as his eyes fell on you and what was playing on the projector currently. “bunny…” he whispered softly as his hand touched your shoulder, but you quickly jerked away as if his hand had burned you on contact.

“don’t call me that. don’t touch me,” you demanded as the tears began to fall. “that’s all i was? a bet?” an involuntary whimper sounded from the depths of your throat. “i feel so stupid.” you shook your head.

“no, bunny please listen to me,” you didn’t allow the boy to finish as you wrapped your arms tightly around yourself.

“don’t call me that!” you demanded. “in fact don’t call me at all. don’t… don’t talk to me draco. ever again. i can’t believe i fell for your stupid joke. i feel so… i feel like an idiot,” you spoke. you shook your head, hastily wiping at your eyes untill you saw stars. it was then that you decided to walk away.

“YN STOP!” draco yelled. “LISTEN to me,” he demanded.

“NO!” you shouted as you turned to face him finally. “godric draco, i wish you would’ve thought this through before i went and fell in love with you,” you sniffled as you wiped your snot on your sweater sleeve.

“yn please just let me explain. please listen to me, please,” he begged.

“i feel like you betrayed me,” you shook your head. “i told you everything. you were my everything. draco i loved you. i actually loved you. i thought you loved me too but i guess you’re just a really good actor,” you sniffled once more. “i hate you draco. i really fucking hate you. i don’t want to hear your bullshit explanation because i know that you’ll never feel sorry for the way i’m hurting right now.”

“it was a bet!” draco shouted as you walked away, hand on the door knob. you scoffed as you muttered a sarcastic, ‘no shit.’ “that’s how it started yes, but then i got to know you. i figured out who you were. i learned that your favorite color is yfc and that you prefer night over day because you love the stars and that your favorite star is scorpius and you would name your son after that star one day. i learned that you love to read and you love when it storms but you're afraid of the thunder. you only dance when you’re drunk and you giggle when you’re nervous and i love that giggle. with everything in me i do. your favorite book is yfb and you choose to be alone but you let everyone be your friend. you’re gorgeous. inside and out and while it may have started as a bet, somewhere along the lines i fell in love with you so yn please. please don’t leave,” he whispered the last part as his voice came out broken.

you took a deep breath in before you began to speak. “you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more. i’d say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that,” you shook your head as you furiously wiped at your eyes again. “i gave you my all draco. you were my first everything. i gave you my virginity for merlin’s sake. all to find out that i was just some stupid bet,” you scoffed.

“yn please believe me when i say that you’re so much more than that,” he begged again. “i came to tell them that they won. that i wanted out because i fell in love with you too!”

“it doesn’t matter if you don’t see me as a bet any longer. the fact is that you did. i’m worth so so much more than that.” your breaths were ragged as you spoke. “i really wish that you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you.” you repeated with a small sniffle. “don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded? don’t you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?” you were openly sobbing at this point.

“yn please believe me when i tell you how sorry i am…” he spoke softly.

“don’t tell me you’re sorry. feel sorry for yourself. because someday i’ll be everything to somebody else,” with this you turned away from him. you hastily opened the door and practically ran out of the common room and away from him.

at that moment you decided to forget about it. draco, and the bet, and love, and everything. like in the vampire diaries, you decided to turn your emotions off. you laid in your dorm crying for hours before you made that decision, however. your dorm mates checked on you often, but you never offered more than merely a half hearted shrug, letting them know that you were still alive, but barely breathing. you skipped classes and meals. you were a mere shell of yourself. it was about two weeks before you could face draco again. and even then you couldn’t truly. you went into the great hall and found “the slytherin squad” sans draco.

pansy looked at you sympathetically while theo and blaise basked in the glow of their new victory. you pulled the ring off carelessly as you stopped in front of them, hair disheveled and uniform askew. you had dark bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep you’d gotten in the past fourteen days and your eyes were rimmed red with the weight of your emotions. “c’you just give this back to malfoy,” you murmured half-heartedly as you dropped the ring on the table in front of the three. just speaking his name brought you pain.

your shoulders were sunken in defeat and you were but a shell of your usual cheerful self. you don’t even know when the last time you saw daylight or had fresh air was. “wait yln,” pansy called hesitantly. you turned to face her, still staring down at your mary janes as you pulled and twisted your fingers untill you heard your knuckles pop. “you… you really love him, don’t you?”

you just shrugged your right shoulder as you used the heel of your palm to wipe the snot from your rapidly reddening nose. “i was just some stupid bet,” you replied as tears begin to spill rapidly over your waterline.

“if it’s any consolation… it was those two bozos’ idea,” pansy told you as she pointed to blaise and theo.

“doesn’t matter,” you murmured. “he’s still a traitor,” you answered as you walked away, forgetting all about the slytherin prince and his stupid friends. forgetting all about how he hit you with a train of his “love.” forgetting all about how for three months he was your everything. forgetting all about how he wrote to his mum about you and you wrote to your parents about him. forgetting all about draco malfoy. the platinum blonde boy with stormy grey eyes who had a long story buried beneath his haughty exterior. the boy who you called your first. your first kiss. your first time. your first love. forgetting all about the boy that made you fall in love just to tell you it was all a bet.

attempting to revert back to how you were before you fell.

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