#theme: eating disorders

[radiomogai]

[PT: PLEASE READ OUR DNI/DNF BEFORE USING

Dipendente

From the Italian word 'Dipendente', meaning 'Addicted', derived from Latin pendere da, dipendere, to depend.

A persecutor who constantly harms the body by relapsing whenever they front.

This could be sh, eating disorders, substance addictions and whatever else.

They didn't necessarily split with this purpose, and could do this simply for their own enjoyment, whether that enjoyment is directly brought by their addiction or by hurting the body and, by consequence of actions, the other alters.

This persecutor usually goes long periods of time without fronting, usually because they are being pushed back by other alters. Also, this persecutor is usually disliked/condemned by the other alters.

Not necessary to fit under this term, but it is intended for persecutors who have no wish to get better and change their ways and harm the body with little thought, as if they were the only one in the system; they're aware of the extent of the harm they cause, but ignore it, because they're the one fronting right now, so they'll do what they want, or other feelings of the sort.

This is only to be used by persecutors who feel this term fits them and want to use it, other members of the system should never put this title on their headmate(s).

TO BE USED BY TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEMS ONLY /end PT]

PT by @accessibility945

PLEASE READ OUR DNI/DNF BEFORE USING

Dipendente

From the italian word 'Dipendente', meaning 'Addicted', derived from Latin pendere da, dipendere, to depend.

A persecutor who constantly harms the body by relapsing whenever they front.

This could be sh, eating disorders, substance addictions and whatever else.

They didn't necessarily split with this purpose, and could do this simply for their own enjoyment, whether that enjoyment is directly brought by their addiction or by hurting the body and, by consequence of actions, the other alters.

This persecutor usually goes long periods of time without fronting, usually because they are being pushed back by other alters. Also, this persecutor is usually disliked/condemned by the other alters.

Not necessary to fit under this term, but it is intended for persecutors who have no wish to get better and change their ways and harm the body with little thought, as if they were the only one in the system; they're aware of the extent of the harm they cause, but ignore it, because they're the one fronting right now, so they'll do what they want, or other feelings of the sort.

This is only to be used by persecutors who feel this term fits them and want to use it, other members of the system should never put this title on their headmate(s).

TO BE USED BY TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEMS ONLY

[bitternanami]

something i think is really interesting about dungeon meshi is the cast's respective views on food as the story progresses. the way many adventurers get through the dungeon is to eat when they Must, but mostly rely on healing magic to keep going when they're tired or beaten down. death is something you can buy your way out of, here.

having these lower stakes when it comes to running yourself too hard has made a lot of people in this setting kind of devalue food and what it does for you.

im not all the way through the manga yet, but so far i really like how it goes about debunking that mindset.

long post under the cut, cw explicit discussion of disordered eating. textual depiction of unhealthy methods of dealing with it. please be cautious!

it seems like to most folks, food is either a decadent luxury, like when the governor offers mr tance a feast as a show of power and wealth, (although he is the only one who actually eats in that scene as he talks about his ambitions);

[id: the governor and mr. tance talk politics and hierarchies, while the governor eats from a bowl. mr. tance's meal is not visible behind a speech bubble.

"so you believe the sorceror is an elf?" he asks.

"i can't say with absolute certainty," mr. tance replies, "but the spells are not ones dwarves and humans typically use." /end id]

like the painted-royal feasts laios tries to partake in that never actually nourish him...

[id: laios, fresh out of the living painting feast, surprisedly holding his grumbling stomach /end id]

or, to the working class, it's pretty much exclusively fuel. i'm thinking about the scene where kabru's party, ostensibly intended to be our view into how adventuring Typically goes for most people, is shown preparing to go to the dungeon by like. walking up to someone and ordering 'a weeks' worth of rations.' purely functional.

[id: kabru enters a store, and the merchant says "welcome!"

kabru says "i need a week's worth of rations for six, and two days' worth of water."

"sure thing." the merchant then reaches behind him and grabs a large cube-shaped package, wrapped in nondescript cloth and tied in place. it thumps onto the counter in front of them both. /end id]

when kabru hands mickbell his food for the trip, he complains about how heavy it is on his back. it's a necessary liability.

we also see chilchuck, in an early chapter where there isn't much food to go around, grumbling about how he used to be better at not noticing when he was hungry. he's frustrated that he's more attuned to his bodily needs, now that he's starting to fill them with regularity.

[id: chilchuck, the only one awake, sits in his bedroll and glares at the timekeeping-candle burning down in front of him while he listens to his stomach growl. moving to find his canteen and fill himself with water instead, he thinks to himself, "my stomach has gotten weaker. i used to be able to go two days without food." /end id]

(like im not even gonna lie this is a big mood. the healing process is really really annoying)

even laios, early on, working out the logistics of going back for falin, considers his expenses and ultimately the thing he decides to save money on is their food supply. like, even the guy most invested in eating as an experience kind of just assumes he will Figure It Out. its what hes eating, not how hes eating it that matters to him at that point.

[id: marcille looks down at the ingredients they've gathered, the walking mushroom and the scorpion in an unappetizing heap on the ground, and asks laios "so how exactly do we eat them?"

he responds "let's just cook them, like normal." /end id]

but its here that senshi introduces the idea of food as art and as healing. its exciting and its fascinating for laios, getting to taste the creatures hes been reading about and fighting, but i dont think it would ever really help him feel full if not for this.

[id: three panels of laios tasting the scorpion hotpot, looking stunned, and then excitedly telling senshi "delicious!"

senshi matches his energy, asking "isn't it? isn't it?" /end id]

pictured: guy who had resigned himself to kind of just doing his best rediscovers the joy in something tasting really fucking good

what they did last time isnt going to work. falin is gone, and constantly anesthetizing their pain and healing through their weakness is no longer a realistic option for the party. in order to make it through they must all relearn how to eat well, one by one and as a group over and over again, because its either that or nothing.

one of my favorite depictions of this idea thus far is when marcille is seriously low on health and mana, and both of these problems are mitigated by taking care of herself, and trying to get iron and protein

[id: marcille, looking sickly, wakes to laios saying, "marcille, marcille, can you sit up? we've got something nice for you."

she watches senshi grill pieces of kelpie liver on a low fire, while laios ties a bib around her neck. /end id]

and drinking a bunch of dead water spirits. she gets the idea, she's supposed to get in nutrients and it'll help her feel better, but in aiming for the quick, inefficient fix, namely chugging that shit down like she heard it was good to Stay Hydrated and decided that would be the thing that fixes her,

[id: marcille throws back a cup of boiled undine-water, her face red. laios asks, "do you really need to drink it that fast?"

she gasps out "...the magical energy stored in nature spirits is actually quite hard to absorb. even if you drink a lot, the majority of it is excreted without being absorbed," and takes another drink. "that's why i need to drink as much as i can."

laios says weakly "you'll get water poisoning," but marcille only stops when senshi puts a hand on her shoulder and says,

"it's easier to absorb nutrients if ye digest them with food. that's a fundamental rule of nutrition."

marcille says, "senshi..." contemplative

and he holds out a bowl of tentuclus and a thumbs up. "let's get cooking!" /end id]

she doesn't immediately realize the answer is that she needs more than that. she's been working hard. she needs care, and she needs nourishment.

once she gets that, though, she makes her boiled water into a stew, and she works to make that stew as good as she can, and everyone can have some.

because in dungeon meshi, to feed yourself or allow yourself to be fed is treated as performing a kindness for yourself. food is what propels you, but there is also an art and a joy inherent to the process of making it; in the way you feel when you've had enough to eat.

[id: senshi watches as chilchuck and marcille eat and excitedly hash out plans.

"i've got a good feeling about this! maybe it'll work out!" chilchuck says

marcille responds, "well it's easier to feel optimistic on a full stomach!"

senshi smiles, proud. /end id]

^^^ i want to put this image on my wall

when you're working through disordered eating habits, you really do have to keep learning this shit. (in my experience, learning about cooking is one of the best ways to do so.)

i'll have to see if my thesis holds up as i continue, but i think one of the reasons the portrayal here resonates with me so hard is that ryoko kui puts most of her characters at eye level with me on this. they're all working at it, too. the text and i are both commiserating, and encouraging each other, 'have some more, you'll feel better.'

[prettyprettyboness]

STARTING THE DRACULA DIET FROM TODAY

[thesmellofmeandyou]

What's life really all about?

Completely and utterly nothing.

It's all just an illusion, so let's go crazy and make it the sickest.

[danothan]

do you guys think speedsters have calluses, despite their accelerated healing? if anything, i feel like they should BECAUSE of it, since calluses form as a way to heal over repetitive pressure/friction. ig they could also heal anew without calluses, but would there even be enough time in between? with all the running speedsters do, that Repetition would build up over time to be more of a Constant

then again, a part of me thinks that as often as speedsters run, it would still not be enough to counteract how rapidly they heal, esp considering that the speedforce is meant to protect the speedster’s body from friction. barry himself says that he doesn’t wear down his socks any faster than usual when wally gifts him socks every year for christmas. i’m also reminded of knight terrors: flash when barry transforms into a callused creature of a thing bc there’s smth interfering with the speedforce, so his body has to compensate for the friction

huh, so i guess the takeaway is that in a general setting, speedster DON’T get calluses! at least not any more than the average person, probably even less so if at all actually. which now seems obvious in retrospect, but it’s fun going thru the process and showing the work for it lol

[aftgficrec]

Can you please suggest fics where neil and bee have more interactions. Or even ones about andrew and bee talking about neil or anything else

Btw I really really appreciate everything yall do! God bless you.

Here is what we found for you. -A

Neil/andreil talk to Bee:

Neil goes to therapy here

‘we softly stir the violence’ and ‘Healing’ series parts 1 & 3 here

‘“I wish I'd never…”’ here

‘Andrew Minyards Crystal’ here

‘pain our brain has made’ here (updated)

‘not to blame for falling’ series and ‘sidelines’ here

‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ series here (completed)

‘Andrew and Neil's guide to getting better’ series here

‘True Love Waits’ series here

‘Cyberstalking’ here

‘Promises’ here

‘A Taste of Your Own Medicine’ here

‘The Massive Continuity of Ducks’ and ‘Ghost of You’ here

‘A collection of Andreil one-shots’ ch 3 here

‘I Don't Know’ here

‘The Destination Was Always Forever’ (updated), ‘Minyard-Josten Rivalry’ (updated), ‘sunrise, abram’ series, ‘and in a flash, it's gone.’ series part 2, and ‘Stay Where I Can Reach’ here

Andrew talks to Bee about Neil:

previous ask here

‘Unspoken’ here

‘AFTG Drabbles’ parts 1 & 8 here

‘Paper Cut Hearts’ here

‘the shuffling of cards’ here

‘words can't warm the windows of my soul’ here

‘The Hand That Needs Me’ here

‘Mother Mannequin’ here

‘Anything’ here

‘the icarus to your certainty’ here

‘No straighter path than to struggle’ here

‘Can we can pretend like we're (not) in love?’ here

Neil Josten is Not Fine by Anonymous [Rated T, 3362 Words, Complete, AFTG Then & Never 2024]

After weeks of nightmares and an embarrassing discovery, Neil finally decides to pay Betsy a visit.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: nightmares, tw: bedwetting

i'll take anything you have (if you could throw me a line) by ifitmeanslosingyou [Rated M, 923 Words, Complete, 2024]

the sunrise can be pretty, neil thinks, but instead of the pinks and oranges washing him with ease, neil can’t help the panic at the thought that he’s been up here for longer than he planned to he wonders if anyone has even realized he left the dorms in the first place, wonders if andrew even looked when neil left the bedroom, wonders if he gave up, wonders if he finally came to his senses and realized neil was more trouble than he’s worth wonders if the roof of the court is high enough that the fall would kill him day 31: asking for help | therapy | “i’m alive, i’m just not well”

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: implied/referenced self harm

help, I've lost myself again (but I remember you) by abitsillygoofy [Not Rated, 5320 Words, Complete, 2024]

“Neil we have to talk about it,” Betsy said “I don’t think so” Neil replied “Nope, not happening” He popped the p at the end trying to make the woman mad at him. “You just tried to kill yourself, so I think we have to have this talk” Betsy didn’t seem bothered by his act and kept her nice, neutral facial expression, but unlike on his session looked worried too. or Neil wakes up in the hospital after his suicide attempt and has to face what he did.

tw: suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood

keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?) by phan_taloon [Rated M, 15415 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Previously recced here

AU where Neil never met the Foxes, with a little less mafia and a little more pain for Neil when he ends up captured by Nathan for months, and has to deal with the consequences by himself. He ends up in treatment for chronic pain with opioids, and let's just say opioid use is tricky when you're alone and in pain; one thing can lead to another more easily than it seems.

tw: drug addiction, tw: drug overdose, tw: withdrawal, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: vomit

an acquired taste the asbestos is lovely by cyanica [Rated M, 6617 Words, Complete, 2024, Locked]

“What did you take?” Andrew demands. Neil wonders if Andrew will taste all that is wrong with Neil when he kisses him. He wonders if Andrew will recognize it. Andrew knows what it is to hurt himself, and this must be familiar. It’s deja vu, Neil thinks, if only a little bit worse, a little more terrible. Neil shakes his head, groaning into the toilet, “I don’t want to tell you.” Andrew pulls out his phone, and Neil can already hear it dialling when he says, “You can tell the paramedics.” Or; “Cigarettes,” Neil says. “I ate your cigarettes.”

tw: self harm, tw: overdose, tw: pica, tw: eating disorders, tw: vomit, tw: blood, tw: mental breakdown, tw: implied/referenced abuse

If it means protecting you (I’ll pay my dues) by Intangibel (duskbutterfly) [Rated T, 125462 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2023]

Previously recced here

What if the threat of Aaron being charged with murder was more significant and Neil found out that he could prevent Andrew from having to be at the trial if he were to testify. What would he be willing to sacrifice to achieve that? What if instead of refusing to testify for Aaron, Neil decides to make a deal with the FBI to become their witness against his father if they’ll backstop his current identity. He thinks it means signing his death warrant and losing the Foxes. Betsy, Aaron and the Foxes are determined to convince him it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, his father’s people are coming for him and that’s not even starting on what Andrew will have to say about Neil choosing to martyr himself.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: child abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood, tw: scars, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: homophobia, tw: conversion camp reference, tw: reenactment therapy with noncon

The Sun Still Rises by mordax [Rated E, 474451 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2024]

Previously recced here

Somewhere on the road, Mary Hatford gets pregnant with her second child. When she passes, she leaves behind not only Neil, but his toddler brother. Survival is difficult without also raising a kid. Worn out and desperate, Neil still somehow ends up at Palmetto, only this time, he brings his four-year-old brother with him.

tw: violence, tw: anxiety, tw: panic attacks,  tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: drug use, tw: involuntary sedation, tw: reenactment therapy with noncon

NB: find fanart for this fic by @/elidanus on twitter here

Ain’t it fun by jemejem [Rated T (we say M) 30672 Words, Complete, 2018]

Neil can't sleep. Andrew can't feel. High school is going well for the both of them.

tw: homophobia, tw: mental breakdown, tw: anxiety, tw: depression, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: suicide attempt, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: scars, tw: ptsd, tw: psychological trauma, tw: flashbacks

I been here all along (so why can't you see?) by alexcherry [Rated G, 8691 Words, Complete, 2021]

Andrew leans on the counter beside Neil's thigh. "Where do you want to go, Josten? What favor do you need from me?" Neil looked at Andrew and steeled himself. "I want you to come with me to the next therapy session with Betsy posing as my boyfriend." "Like one," Andrew thought for a moment. "Couple therapy?" Neil perked up. "Yes! Exactly, and then we see how long it takes her to find out we're not connected at all."

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder

If You Need Shelter by AfraidOfBananas [Rated M, 2642 Words, Complete, 2021]

“The boy is staring at Neil with a startled expression like he’s just seen a ghost. Well, maybe he has. Neil hasn’t felt alive for a very long time.” Or.....Neil meets Andrew while he’s on the run

Family by BlueJay26 [Not Rated, 9420 Words, Complete, 2021, Locked]

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Three adults who certainly proved this was true, and their (sort of) children who realised a family isn't always linked by blood. Also known as, how Abby, Bee and Wymack earned their family's love and trust.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: internalized homophobia

Art

Abby and Betsy art by @rainbowd00dles 

Betsy 💕💕 art by @neroholik

Mom and Dad and Mom art by @llstarcasterll

Betsy and Abby 💖 art by @jeannemaybedarc

Betsy Dobson cosplay by @/toobeetofunction on instagram

@drbetsydobson instagram account/moodboard

[radiomogai]

[PT: Bodyanaedix. end PT]

Bodyanaedix

A gender related to the songs Oh Ana and Body by Mother mother, but specifically through the lens of ones eating disorder

Flag ID: A flag with seven stripes. In order, they are black, soft dark red, red, white, gray, dark gray and black. /End ID

[groundbreakingdot872]

Ever think about the fact that Uther fell in love with a corpse?

That Catrina was dead, had already been dead for weeks, when the troll strutted into court wearing her face

And speaking of the origins of their plan- the troll had likely scavenged the estate of Tregor after the invasion minutes after the event, kicking bodies out the way on her instinctual hunt gold

Instead of finding anything valuable, which the bandits had already taken, she found pretty personal belongings, too lesser for a thief... and the lady that they belonged too.

Brutally murdered maybe, but intact enough to be recreated, and impersonated.

Finding her manservant’s body fallen nearby made the idea too easy to conceive, a "Jonas" in hand and the personal items of Catrina ruthlessly ripped away, the plan wealth beyond their imagining was already in motion

And then in the aftermath, of the whole horrid, gruesome, embarrassing affair, when the rumors had died down enough…

Uther must’ve gone quietly, in the early hours of the morning, to visit Catrina’s grave - the real Catrina

Laid flowers, and shed a few private tears over the woman he had never met, but had strong feelings for, perhaps love. Her physique and voice had enchanted him, in more ways than one, and temporarily given him a happy out from the sins of the past

Though it must've unsettled him, that he had fallen for the figment of a woman, not even a ghost, and pledged his entire Kingdom in a heartbeat over a pleasant if pitying face

Although I'm sure the irony, of beloveds coming back to the present, wearing marred faces with a masked intent for vengeance over ghosts of his evils, must have eluded him...

[skunkes]

i wasnt even a vampyre truther til recently but aughhh there really is something about them you really can fit so many metaphors of all kinds in there. they're so Susceptible. To the Metaphors.

[why-am-i-always-crying]

is bmi 16 really too much to ask?

[jinghestation]

“Tooru is the worst JoJo villain” to you. i could do an entire literary analysis on Tooru and the hornets. and i just might.

[ear-motif]

this show is about disability and neurodivergence whether the writers wanted it to be or not sorry

[dennisboobs]

The things I would do to read any of your big fics even unfinished are so bad. I feel like they would rewrite my brain.

ill throw you a few snippets from my Very Unfinished probably never gonna be published fics along with the bigguns :^)

cw for klinsky stuff. nothing explicit but uh cw nudity and discussion of sex, body image issues, disordered eating, and (half-joking) threat of suicide.

trash twins:

mac's banging the waitress missing scene:

baby den:

aeeehyeee ee e e don't ask

very old macden fic from before id even finished watching sunny 😭

north dakota

The Shower Fic™️

[radiomogai]

[PT: Edisbased. end PT]

Edisbased

A system that is based in their eating disorder. This means that the system is affected by their eating disorder in some way, with it being able to affect the inner world, headmate roles, functions, or headmates themselves, but it isn’t necessarily an origin

Inspired by the edisgenic flag

[millionsknives]

Hello Bryn so I started following you for your Trigun art (love love love ‘em) but your spring rolls pic just gave me so much personal and Trigun feels… sorry I’m about to ramble.

So my good friend is Viet and we lived together during Covid lockdown. We made and ate SO MUCH Viet food. It really is a whole event. A participatory art. I live alone now and I miss eating as a communal ritual.

Which reminds me of that Stampede scene where Vash finally started eating again “I deserve to eat, right?” They were eating together too—all of them, including the three random dudes that were on the sideline. There’s just something so natural and comforting about sharing meals; it’s making me kind of sad because Vash often had to eat alone (ex. when he first came to ship 3 and when he roamed around the desert). Vash was hungry for a family/community and now I can see that being one of the points of episode 4.

Happy eating together!!!

i feel the same way 😭😭 sharing food isn’t just about food, it’s healing. to be welcomed in, to be looked after, to participate together in the creation and consumption of what makes us so human

my roommate of four years was viet (i can’t even call her a roommate, we were so much more than that, she’s family) and she helped teach me how to cook and for us food wasn’t just what we ate, it was what we did. it was how we loved.

i’ve never seen someone eat so much in my life, countless shared meals, whether it was just the two of us or we were cooking for thirty other people, howl’s-moving-castle-breakfasts on weekends, hurried dinner leftovers scarfed down in the car while i drove the 55, hours-long hot pot feasts until we’re sweating and stuffed, wicked cold ice cream eaten on the curb downtown as midnight approaches, entire rainy mondays spent making phở, sandwiches with too much maggi seasoning packed in paper bags for hikes, inviting the boys over to gorge on wafer-thin bánh xèo, she’d chop tomatoes for my bruschetta because the smell of them made me sick and i would juice lemons for her when her hands were chapped and bleeding. and i’ve never had an easy relationship with food but something about lyss made eating feel so simple and right.

since she moved away and i eventually moved too i don’t have that same community anymore and i’ve struggled to eat well since losing it. i didn’t know what i had until it was gone. she never forced me to eat or chided me for not eating, she would just make really good food and share it with me. and i would eat it. i could eat it. eating was easier when she was around. so making dinner tonight was like a ritual, putting on the apron she gave me and making spring rolls for the first time in months and accidentally pouring out too much fish sauce just like she would do; and even though i don’t get to share spring rolls with her anymore, the time and the food that we shared together has changed me. and it’s okay. it’s easier to let myself eat and laugh when i can be the one to provide a meal for the people that i am with now, even if they’re not the people who make it easy, so for now i will do just that and maybe someday again i will be able to cook and eat with someone who makes it unburdensome.

[hazyaltcare]

TW: POSSIBLE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ED, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, RELIGION, SPECIES DYSPHORIA, ABUSE AND EXOTRAUMA (ONLY MENTIONED NO DETAILS), BLAMING OURSELF FOR PAST EVENTS, AND VENT

HEY Y'ALL XD. COULD WE GET POSITIVITY TO OUR SYSTEM? WE'RE DEALING WITH A LOT OF SHIT RN AND JUST NEED SOME KIND WORDS TO HELP CHEER US UP AND YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP A BIT :3. ANYWAYS.

WE GOT BROKEN UP WITH A FEW MONTHS AGO AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET OVER IT AND ALSO WE'VE COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT THE RELATIONSHIP MAY HAVE BEEN TOXIC XD. WE RECENTLY RELAPSED WITH OUR ED AFTER NOT HAVING ISSUES FOR PROBABLY A YEAR. OUR SYSTEM IS UNSTABLE AND KEEPS MAKING US SWITCH HOSTS WHICH IS GETTING VERY TIRING AS WE NORMALLY ONLY SWITCH HOSTS EVERY FEW MONTHS. OUR DEPRESSION HAS GOTTEN A LOT WORSE LATELY AND MAKING US WANNA GIVE UP ON LIFE (WE'RE SEEING A DOCTOR ABOUT OUR DEPRESSION :3). WE'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SEVERE SPECIES DYSPHORIA OVER WINGS AND OTHER THINGS. WE'VE BEEN MISSING OUR PAST LIFE AS AN ANGEL AS IT WAS SIMPLER (WE CONSIDER OURSELVES COLLECTIVELY FALLEN ANGEL KIN NOW SINCE WE WERE THROWN OUT OF HEAVEN). BUT ALSO WE FEEL KINDA BAD FOR MISSING IT AS THE DEITY MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABUSIVE, AND WE SORTA FEEL AT BLAME FOR CERTAIN THINGS AND MAYBE THE ABUSE. AND WE'RE ALSO DEALING WITH A LOT OF CONFUSION AROUND A BUNCH OF OUR SYSTEM LATELY XD.

SORRY THIS IS VERY ALL OVER THE PLACE AND FOR MY TYPING QUIRK AND FOR THE LENGTH AND FOR THE POOR WRITING XD. TY FOR ANY POSITIVITY OR ADVICE OR ANYTHING AT ALL. WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU CAN'T ADDRESS MOST OF THESE ISSUES AS A LOT OF THEM WEREN'T KIN OR SYSTEM THINGS.

-MANGLE🏓 :3 FROM ⛏️🏳️‍🌈 (WE WOULD PREFER IF YOU REFER TO US WITH YOU& OR OTHER PLURAL TERMS) TYTY AGAIN AND SORRY FOR THE VENT.

Hello Mangle🏓 and all else from ⛏️🏳️‍🌈,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your& relationship. That is hard enough to deal with on your& own even without adding on the complexities of possible toxicity in said relationship. I want you& to know that it's okay to be upset, and to take all the time you& may need to heal. You& can't rush the grieving process, and the grief over the loss of a relationship is as real as any other kind of grief.

I can understand how all of this happening would make you& think back to a former life where you& felt happier and more sure of your& place in the universe. Even if the deity who ruled you was toxic, you're& still allowed to yearn for what felt like a safe space at the time. A lot of us here who have alternate and/or past lives feel similarly about them, even if they were in unhealthy situations in these aforementioned lives.

Even under waves of traumatic exomemories, there can still be those jewels; those pockets in time and space where everything, at least for a moment, seemed okay. There's nothing wrong with treasuring those memories.

I'm also sorry to hear you& are struggling with a flare-up of your& eating disorder. Relapsing isn't a moral failing on your& part. Don't blame yourself& or your& body for your& own stress response. Maybe you& could find an online support group to help you& get through this? While my situation is different, I have found support groups to be very helpful when it comes to some of the mental illnesses I have been struggling with, and you& deserve recovery.

Never apologize for being yourself&, btw, because who you& are is a wonderful soul& who is deserving of love and kindness. Your typing quirk doesn't change that, a toxic relationship doesn't change that, and reaching out for support certainly doesn't change that either.

We all wish you& Light and healing,

Mod Haze (☀️Sol)