jomarivallejos

[jomarivallejos]

Codename: Malcolm

"Your mentor despises you. He isn't even proud of you in the slightest."

That's what he told me. I didn't know how I would take it. Was it because I'm only 16? Does he consider me an immature child when I take dangerous assignments? I wanted to be like him! He is the representation of the perfect agent! I looked up to him. And now I hear from the bureau chief that my mentor hates me... This is ridiculous!

"I know what you are feeling child. Would you like-"

"I think I have heard enough sir. I'd best be on my way."

Malcolm left the bureau chief's office, perplexed. For an hour he spent the time lying in bed, gazing up to the ceiling, thinking about the words the bureau chief told him. They keep repeating inside his head like a mantra trying to brainwash him. It was unbearable. In rage he took out the butterfly knife and stabs the wall.

What if the bureau chief is right? What if my mentor hates me? That he isn't proud of me even in the slightest? Those words of encouragement that my mentor gave me before, were they all fake? What if he wished that I would die in one of the operations? What if... he hates me because I can surpass him?

"Why?"

Malcolm looks at himself in the mirror while the water keeps flowing from the faucet. The rushing sound of it doesn't even calm his confusion. A walk outside may do, maybe even stop by the near shop and buy his favorite banoffee pie. After eating, the teen went back to his room and slept. However, nightmares would come to plague him. He finds himself being strangled by his mentor, with frigid eyes glaring like he is a nuisance.

You are a disappointment Malcolm!

"GAH!" Malcolm rose upon his bed. A few seconds later and his alarm is ringing. What great day to start, with overthinking and a pounding heartbeat whilst covered in cold sweat. It is not work time today. Despite being an assassin, Malcolm still has responsibilities that he must fulfill as a student, to study well and enjoy school life while being a role model to his compeers, all of them who doesn't even know what sort of 'part-time job' he undertakes. If he tells them... some may think it's cool, others may think he's bluffing, but the older ones will be worried.

Most of the subjects were enjoyable, especially physical education and martial arts. Math is something that he must pay full attention for numbers, though he doesn't display any sign of difficulties handling them are not part of his interests. This time of life was said to be the brightest for they are young and full of colors, rebellious and looking for fun. In his spare time he finds a way to enjoy this teenage life by playing video games with his friends or going to nearby store to check out the instruments.

Everyone around him are so carefree and joyful. Despite his efforts to enjoy the days that he is out of duty, the thought of being hunted down by criminals or being removed by his colleagues does not leave the teen's mind. He had a talent for killing. A child soldier who can surpass the Agency's best agent, his mentor. An agent must never show emotions. When he first killed a target, Malcolm swallowed all his fear despite the trembling feeling on his body, the blood stains took longer to wash and the scent is suffocating.

It has gone even longer till he made a name for himself in the Agency as the youngest agent to have ever joined, in just a span of three months. There are those who considered him a genius while others envied him. As he kept typing a long report about his latest operation, Malcolm could hear the whispers of his fellow agents gossiping amongst each other. Maybe he could use a break from sitting for too long, thus he stood up and takes a glass of water, pretending to drink while listening to the conversations.

"Don't you think Malcolm is too young to be here? I mean he has what it takes but he's only 16!"

"You're right. Why would the Agency allow a child to handle matters that are suppose to be taken care by adults?!"

"Oh quit your nagging! You're just jealous that Malcolm has accomplished far more than anyone of us in this Agency despite being new."

"Look who's talking!"

What the hell is wrong with them? Malcolm furrowed his eyebrows. That conversation tempts him to throw the glass of water to their directions or maybe break some of their fingers to shut them up. All this talk about him being young and that he should not handle things that are meant for adults is deafening. Despite being at the rank of 3rd Class, Malcolm is able to handle a 1st Class mission all by himself, even qualified to participate in an Associate Special Class level given that there are seniors who can observe him.

Malcolm decided to distract himself by focusing on the report that he has to write. Though it is troublesome, he can't deny that writing this kinds of reports widened his vocabulary and helped him in writing essays whenever there is a school assignment. When he was about to print the report, his phone started ringing. It was the bureau chief calling him to his office. With no hesitation he went there.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"I'm feeling good sir."

"Good. Just checking on a subordinate."

"Is my well-being of any concern to you sir?"

"Of course. What kind of bureau chief would I be if I don't check up on my subordinates? Do you think it's bad that I check up on you?"

"No sir."

"Well then. You may now leave."

Malcolm had an unsettling feeling as he went out of the office. The tone in the bureau chief's voice felt odd, as if predatory and manipulative. But he can't speak against someone of higher position, they will just dismiss it because he has no evidence. If he tells his mentor... all he will get is an 'Ignore it!' answer. Malcolm chose to keep it within himself. Before the day ended, he went on to undertake a new assignment. The surveillance will start tomorrow and Malcolm wasted no time to get ample amount of rest.

The fastest surveillance may take a week but some take months, even years before an operation is conducted. With tickler in hand, Malcolm took notice in every detail, nothing must be missed. The waking time, routine, hobbies, everything must be taken note of, blind spots, possible exits, enclosed or an open space, will the crowd be handy in warding off possible chasers or will they be a hindrance? The young assassin was a great observer and he had an easy time identifying and memorizing everything.

When all seemed to be in plan after observing the target for a week and a half, something shocking prevents Malcolm from starting the operation. His target of assassination, Salvatore Giovanni is meeting up with his mentor. The room is bugged and Malcolm could hear the entire conversation. Should he report everything to the bureau chief? His mentor, Special Agent Angelo, codename Avilio is meeting up with a target suspected of possessing nuclear weaponry. Betrayal is not tolerated.

"What should I do sir?"

"You already know what to do Malcolm. Deal with him and you will take his place as the Death God of the Agency."

"Yes sir."

In the line of duty, personal feelings and attachments should not interfere. Malcolm knew the weight that he bears on his shoulders. Kill or be killed, a mission must be accomplished no matter the cost. One click of the button and an explosion shakes the whole building while jammers do their work to stop incoming transmissions. Malcolm went in with a guitar suitcase in hand, his face covered by a mask. Calmly walking amongst the crowd who are panicking, the young assassin deals with the guards, shooting them with precision.

One by one they fell before the pistol and when he reached the room his mentor is there waiting for him as if anticipating this attack. Dropping the pistol, Malcolm opens the guitar case and takes out a katana-like weapon, it's blade painted in black and it's hilt just right enough to be wielded with either one or two handed. The battle between mentor and apprentice began with Malcolm gaining the upper-hand against Angelo. The former focused all his fury and attacked relentlessly, infuriated by the thought that his mentor has betrayed the Agency.

"Traitor... I HATE YOU!!" Malcolm screamed as he kept swinging the sword while his mentor was kept on the defensive.

"Is this what you truly wanted to be Malcolm?"

"SHUT UP!!"

"You let yourself be manipulated by a deceitful, power hungry, scheming sloth?!"

"SHUT!! UP!!"

Seeing that his apprentice is being irrational, Angelo kicks his right hand and tases him. With syringe in hand he administers a sedative to keep him from doing anything crazy. Amidst the chaos he was able to bring Malcolm to a safe house where they can stay, alongside Salvatore and a few agents under Angelo. Malcolm woke up feeling groggy and sluggish. The surroundings are unfamiliar yet he could recognize the agents observing him. Are they waiting for him to wake up so they could torture him?

Still weakened, Malcolm only lets out a few groans while one of them hands him a glass of water. He could recognize the one who holds the glass. Malcolm accepts the glass with reluctance.

"It's not drugged silly." Nadia flicks his forehead.

"Fine fine..." Malcolm sighs in defeat.

"Are you mad at us?" Alex pats the young assassin's back.

"Why would I be mad at you guys?"

"We followed Angelo. He never told you anything, didn't he?"

"About what?"

"That the bureau chief is plotting to assassinate the president."

"You're lying..."

"We are serious about this! What makes you think I am lying? If we were lying then the water that Nadia gave you should be destroying every cell in your body while we argue."

"Enough!" Angelo enters the room holding a recorder. The recorder contains the bureau chief's insidious plan to assassinate the president but first, he would need a weapon capable of eliminating numerous targets like senators, businessmen, military personnel, and possible witnesses. Malcolm was the perfect agent to manipulate... by planting seeds of distrust in the teen's mind, he even used the standards of etiquette that an agent must possess. The experienced agent felt sorry for letting an apprentice be manipulated.

Malcolm felt guilty. Letting himself be manipulated by a psychopath... It is time for revenge! Capture Bureau Chief Salazar, dead or alive!

Angelo knew all to well the blind spots and each area where they can sneak in with ease. He's been working inside the Agency for 18 years. Dispatching the guards also proved to be a piece of cake. One strike on the back of the head while the others catch the falling body and hide them, tying their hands and feet while stuffing the mouth with thick cloth to keep them muffled. Malcolm, swift as ever made his way to Salazar's office with ease.

"Are you successful with the mission?"

"I failed sir."

"Oh... I had such high hopes for you. Looks like this is where we part ways. Good bye Malcolm."

Salazar points a pistol on Malcolm's head, one click and he is dead. Bang! A shot is fired. Salazar finds himself screaming in pain as the pistol falls from his hand. A sniper has successfully landed a shot on his forearm. Sparing no moment, Malcolm immediately rans after the scheming traitor and beats him up. One punch landing after another while Salazar's face keep swinging left and right. One strike gives him a broken nose while the others land on his eyebrows, cutting the skin which will require stitches.

When Angelo and the others arrived, Salazar was gasping for breath, bloodied with each of his fingers and toes broken while Malcolm's hands are wet from sweat and blood mixing. The recorder is playing as mockery to his failed plan. This might be more than enough. Angelo thought as the police arrived and apprehended a battered and bloodied Salazar, who will need intensive treatment before facing trial for his crimes. "I'm surprised you didn't kill him. You have every right and reason to do that."

"There are fates far more worse than death Sir Angelo. I didn't just break his fingers and toes. By my estimates he will spend most of his time in the intensive care unit."

"How merciful." Angelo sarcastically replied.

"I'm sorry for what I have said earlier sir. I was manipulated..."

"But I'm proud of you Malcolm."

Those words were enough to move him to tears. Malcolm was given a choice to leave the Agency and enjoy a full civilian life but he stayed much to Angelo’s surprise. Angelo is starting to fade out of his prime and sooner or later he would be sitting behind a desk issuing orders or standing in front of prospective agents. Nevertheless, Malcolm kept learning more from his mentor and was thankful for this second chance. The experienced agent can see that Malcolm’s time as leader of the squad is not yet happening, but he is assured that the young assassin is in right hands.

[jomarivallejos]

When everything just starts falling down And these things are starting to take a toll Painted in our faces, sadness in the guise of a frown Just let it all out, let the tears fall

When the person we care for dies And all we can do is hold our screams As we would try look up to the skies Wishing to see them again in our dreams

The bottled-up feelings will feel like a tug And each of us will need every bit of support Having someone to lean on and hug A medicine to provide relief and comfort

A hug that is enough to make us vulnerable In exchange to make our will indomitable

[jomarivallejos]

Good day everyone. How are you faring? Doing well, messed up, keeping up on the fight, or giving up. Don’t worry for it is natural to feel that way especially in this time of pandemic. We are in the era wherein the pandemic has separated us from our loved ones. We feel lonely, we feel alone. But remember that in this fight we are not alone. A simple message like “How is your day?” is enough to save someone and to make them realize that somebody cares for them. Time and time we need to communicate with our loved ones, and it all starts with us. Mental health is truly a sensitive topic, yet some of us aren’t even enlightened about how important it is to keep it healthy. Our minds are strong indeed, but it also has its limits. In this time of pandemic, the challenges have stepped up and are overwhelming most of us. Do not fear to acknowledge what we feel and do not forget that there are people waiting for us, people who wants us to succeed, who wants to see that we are happy in our endeavors. Please, do not forget to check up on our loved ones and most of all, ourselves. Our well-being matters. You are important and you matter. Thank you for listening.

[jomarivallejos]

Elena looks around. It’s dark and the sky has a black color without any stars. She thinks about his boyfriend. “There is no chance that he died! I know him for twelve years and he is strong enough. I will see him again. I’m sure about that. She hears nothing but the silence. Never before has she heard absolutely nothing. And suddenly she realizes that she is alone. There are no creatures on this planet. Everything is destroyed. A teardrop rolls over her pale face. And she takes the first step on this unknown planet.

Each step she takes, she could feel her heart pound, the beats getting faster. “It’s too dark. I better be careful with my steps.” Elena muttered. The silence is overbearing as her ears start to hear rings. Feelings of paranoia and anxiety start to creep up. Alone in this dark, unknown planet, Elena stopped walking and looks up to the black skies that seemed like the abyss. “I’m so alone… Where are you? Please! Answer me!” Elena screamed into the nothingness. Tired and trembling, she falls onto her knees as she tries to catch her breath. The adrenaline is starting to wear off. Her eyes feel heavy, words try to come out of her mouth but instead they were trapped. Slowly she lays down, not minding this unknown grassy-like ground. “Please be alive. I don’t want to be alone.”

Sleep finally catches up to her. It’s been a while since she was able to sleep longer. However, nightmares are always there to haunt her.

“Anthony! Where are you?” Elena yelled. She kept searching in the darkness until she heard raspy and labored breathings. Pointing the flashlight into the direction where the sound is heard, Elena is shocked to see him alive… barely. “Oh no! You’re going to be okay. Look at me. Look at me!” She tended quickly to his side.

“I… I’m…- “

“Don’t try to speak! You’re going to make it. Just don’t speak!” Elena pleaded as she patches up his wounds. They were deep and he has lost a lot of blood. His body is starting to take the appearance of pale moonlight, and his touch is starting to get cold like virgin snow.

“I’m sorry…” Anthony uttered weakly as he feels his consciousness fading. With his remaining strength he grabs her hand and holds tightly as he continually gasps for air, trembling. “I feel so cold… Elena, where are you? I’m so alone… don’t leave me please!”

“I’m here! I’m here! Just SHUT UP! Stay with me! You’re going to make it!” Elena pleaded again, screaming at his face. “Anthony! Don’t you dare die on me! HEY!!!! STAY WITH ME!!”

“…” Anthony breathed his last.

“GAH!!” Elena jerked up, brought back to reality. Feeling her heart pound fast and drenched in cold sweat, she immediately stands up and brings out her radio. “Anthony. Anthony! Where are you?” she urgently demanded. Time is of the essence as she prays that her nightmare is just a joke. Static buzzes are the only replies she heard.

She kept looking despite the overwhelming darkness, with flashlight in left hand. The static noise kept raging on, but she ignored it and focused on finding Anthony. The person she wanted to be with the most, especially in this place of unknown. Elena lost track of time as she kept on finding him. The static noises were fading, replaced with clearer transmissions. “Anthony. Can you hear me?”

But then a flashlight was pointed at her face, distracting her. Putting her arms in front of her face to cover the light she hears a familiar voice. “Elena?” the man confusingly asked as he lowers his rifle.

“Jamie? You’re alive! Thank God you’re alive!” Elena runs and hugs him tightly. “Anthony? Where is Anthony?”

“The medics are currently treating him. Thankfully his wounds are not severe but…” Jamie stopped midway.

“But?”

“My brother is unconscious. I don’t know when he will wake up.” Jamie continued as he sighs and wipes a tear. Taking her to the medevac, Elena is surprised to see the unconscious Anthony, all patched-up with IV drips injected.

“You lied to me!” Elena slapped the hell out of the lying younger brother. She could feel her hand heating up from the impact.

“I don’t know how to tell you.” Jamie rubs his cheek. “You would do the same if you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you?”

“Anthony…” Elena falls on to her knees and begins to sob.

“…” Jamie bites his lip and clenches his fists.

It took 2 hours before they arrived at the headquarters, C-137 Mothership. Anthony is carefully placed on a bed in the ICU, monitored by the medics. Jamie and Elena were allowed to come in for they were related to him. The medics told them that despite being in comatose state, Anthony can hear and respond to their voices.

“It would be best if we keep talking to him. He may be comatose, but he can hear you. Chances of him waking up are low but we assure you that we will do everything to wake him up. See that monitor over there. Don’t let his heart and pulse rate go low.” The medic calmly explained and told them before leaving to make a report. Jamie follows but not before kissing his older brother’s forehead.

Elena is left alone in the ICU, sitting on a chair beside the unconscious Anthony. Gently, she caresses his cheeks, his elegant and tender face, the neat and silky hair. When will her precious angel wake up? She doesn’t know. She kisses his lips and whispers to his ear “I won’t leave you.”

As the Mothership is about to take off into space, a team composed of scientists and soldiers were left behind on a mission to investigate this unknown planet. Elena falls asleep beside her precious boyfriend. 2 weeks have passed, and Anthony is still in a coma, but his condition is stable. Elena and Jamie would take turns in watching over him. It is currently Day 16, and Elena as of now is taking care of Anthony.

Jamie on the other hand is in the cafeteria with his friends and squad mates. While his comrades are busy joking with each other, Jamie remained silent. There is this one person who is displeased to see the Anthony is alive.

“Is everything alright?” Malcolm, the squad’s sniper was the first one to notice Jamie’s silence. “You look troubled sir.”

Jamie replies by making a gesture that only Malcolm will understand. Together they went into his room and Jamie locks the door. “Something’s wrong here.”

“What is it sir?”

“I don’t like the look on Rico’s face.” Jamie finally spoke of his thoughts. Anthony’s rival, Rico was unfortunately one of their commanders, holding the title of Major. Jamie respected his skills, but he didn’t like the pompous attitude. He wondered why his brother was able to handle that kind of person, even follow his orders without hesitation. Is it out of fear? Or is Anthony ignoring the dangers? “My brother! The ICU! Quick!”

Elena was able to hold her ground despite struggling against the taller man. She kicks his shin and lands an uppercut to the chin, giving her time to recover. Rico swings the butterfly knife swiftly as Elena dodges the attacks. She launches a roundhouse kick on his hand, but Rico anticipated the strike and grabs her foot, tripping her down before stabbing her thigh.

“I think I should have fun with you first before killing that weakling.” Rico announces his rotten advances.

“Tch!” Elena spits on his face.

“Oh! Now that’s naughty!” Rico smacks her face and decides to make her his toy. Just as he was about to have his way with her, a gunshot is heard. Malcolm had a clear shot and fired, the bullet piercing through Rico’s temple.

“What the- ?!” Elena shrieked in shock as she saw the assailant drop dead on top of her, with blood gushing out of his forehead. “Get off me you maniac!” she angrily pushed the dead body and takes the butterfly knife, repeatedly stabbing the corpse.

“Enough.” Jamie grabs her arm and disarms her. “He’s dead. Brother is safe.” The gunshot noise alarmed everyone inside the mothership, and they rushed inside with guns in hand. “Ma’am, we have apprehended the traitor.”

“Good work. Now I want that traitor thrown out of the ship!” General Natasha ordered while Jamie follows her. The medics began to treat her wound, stitching it up and covering it with bandages.

“Looks like Captain’s going to write a long report again.” Malcolm chuckled.

“Thanks for saving me.”

“… Didn’t like that arrogant commander.” Malcolm muttered and Elena agrees.

Unbeknownst to them, Anthony’s heart rate that is displayed in the monitor suddenly rose. The unconscious is now awake. He could clearly hear their voices unlike before when it felt slow. Anthony opened his eyes “Where am I?” he weakly asked.

“Anthony?” Elena looks back and so does Malcolm.

“Sir. How many fingers do you see?” Malcolm shows Anthony his index and middle fingers.

“Two.”

“Oh, thank God you’re finally awake!” Elena hugs him tightly. Malcolm on the other hand leaves the room to give them privacy.

“E… Elena… I can’t breathe…” Anthony repeatedly taps her back.

“Oh sorry.” Elena giggled. “I’m glad you’re finally back.”

Anthony recounted what happened when they were separated on the unknown planet. Rico messed the coordinates, and they crash landed, but Elena was able to eject in her emergency capsule while Anthony tried to fix the coordinates and reduce the incoming the damage the ship would sustain. He ended up with wounds, but he was able to get out of the destroyed ship. Anthony went on to look for her, but Rico found him first. Rico beat him and left him for dead. With only his indomitable will keeping him awake, Anthony sent a distress call to headquarters and a medevac was sent. When the medics arrived, including Jamie and his squad, Anthony pleaded with his younger brother to find and ensure that Elena is safe, and to not tell her about his condition. Too exhausted to speak after that, Anthony fell unconscious as the medics started treating his wounds.

[jomarivallejos]

Journal #2

How aware are you of the two different opposing “wolves” operating within your mind, one which leads to pain and a diminished sense of life and the other to a joyous, meaningful and fulfilling life? Explain and site examples. I am fully aware of the two opposing “wolves” inside my mind and I can use them at will whenever I need to. One example of this whenever I feel a negative emotion like anger I would just do some push-ups then I would get motivated to do more. After that my arms feel tired but I am happy. Whenever I need motivation sometimes I will feel my thoughts with either negative or positive thoughts or sometimes both but in the end I make sure that I feel joyous.

[jomarivallejos]

What realization struck you the most about the topic?

I realized that I can play any role in my life. I could play the role of someone who can control which is the scripwriter, the actor who can do what he/she wants as long as they follow the scriptwriter and the moviegoer who comments and criticizes.

What are your core strengths?

My core strengths are perseverance, a great degree of focus, I never run out of drive and motivation to do things I like to do like singing, playing instruments, martial arts.

What are the qualities you want to hone and improve on?

I want to improve my singing, my flexibility I want to improve it until I could do perfect splits, and a lot more.