#their souls just so happen to look like this

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 Collateral Damage.

Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

Summary: When you accompany your husband to an interrogation, the last thing you expect is to learn that the woman who ruined your lives has gotten what you've always wanted: a baby.

Words: 3,7k.

Warnings & Tags: mentions of infertility, pregnancy loss, jail, hospital, therapy. reader and spencer are married yey. angst WITHOUT a happy ending. cat adams is warning all by herself. again, so much angst. spoilers for s12 e22 ("red light"). english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: This is incredibly sad and one of the first parts of me trying to clean up my drafts (I literally cried reading this last night, love it so much).

“We’re pregnant.”

They were the words you had always dreamed of hearing, the words you had imagined sharing with your husband countless times in the quiet moments of your life. The dream of a family. The idea of motherhood. You had fought so hard against the crushing reality of your biological struggles. Every test, every disappointment, every doctor’s visit had carved deeper into your soul. But you had always held onto hope, clinging to the belief that one day, it would happen. You and Spencer would have a family. He would be a good father, and you would be a good mother.

But now…now those words came not from your lips, not from the man you loved with all your heart, but from the mouth of the woman who had shattered your world, who ruined everything good and pulled you two apart for months. Cat Adams. It was her. Again.

You couldn’t breathe.

Your body was frozen, rooted to the spot just outside the interrogation room. You and JJ stood in the dim hallway, watching through the glass, but it felt like you were miles away, like you had been pulled into some parallel universe where nothing in your life made sense. The world had tilted. Your thoughts tangled in a whirlwind of confusion, disbelief, and a deep, aching sorrow you couldn’t yet name.

You wanted to shout. You wanted to scream. You wanted to run into that room and demand the truth from her. How could he—how could she—say something like that? You wanted to storm in there and tell Cat that she was lying, that she was trying to manipulate him, that this couldn’t possibly be real. It was a very low blow, so unfair and cowardly even for someone like her.

But you were paralyzed. Your chest ached with a heaviness that felt like it would suffocate you. You couldn’t tear your gaze away from Spencer’s face as his expression slowly morphed into something you didn’t recognize. He looked…lost. His brow furrowed, his lips parted as if to say something, but the words never came. His body language screamed confusion, disbelief, and a deep, gnawing fear. He was in shock, and you couldn’t blame him. The revelation was something you knew he had been wanting for years but not in this way.

“There must be an explanation,” Jennifer whispered beside you, her voice low but urgent, trying to cut through the suffocating tension. Her hand brushed against your arm, grounding you for a moment.

An explanation. Of course, there had to be one. Your husband would never…He couldn’t…But the sharp edge of pain and guilt gnawed at the edges of your mind, insidious and cruel. This moment was supposed to be yours, only yours.

Your mind raced, desperate to calm and find a way to rationalize what you had just heard. Cat was a master manipulator, a pathological liar who thrived on twisting the truth to suit her twisted games. This had to be another one of her ploys, another cruel trick designed to break Spencer. But was more, was a lower hint for you too. You were always the collateral damage, but this time it was hurting like hell.

Suddenly the guard of the prison entered, a folder clutched in her hands, her expression grim. She approached agent Jareau, handing her the medical records as if they were a death sentence for you. And the worst part was how your friend hesitated before opening them, glancing at you for a split second, her lips pressed into a thin line. The pity can be seen even for a blind person.

You didn’t need to see the contents of the folder to know the truth, to feel it inside. Jennifer’s sharp intake of breath told you everything. She flipped through the pages quickly, her frown deepening with every word she read. Finally, she looked up, meeting your eyes with an expression that was equal parts anger and more pity.

“She’s pregnant,” JJ confirmed, her voice low and reluctant. “Three months…it makes sense.”

The words made your knees weak. You reached out, gripping the edge of the table in front of you for support, your breath coming in shallow, uneven gasps. It felt like someone had reached into your chest and torn your heart out, leaving behind a hollow, aching void devouring each of your other organs.

Inside the interrogation room, Spencer was still frozen. His hands rested on the table, trembling slightly, as he stared at Adams with wide, disbelieving eyes. “No,” he whispered, his voice cracking under the weight of the single word. “That’s…that’s impossible. I would never—”

He would never cheat you. He would never touch or even think of another woman. He loved you like it was his life purpose since he met you.

“But you did,” Cat interrupted, her tone calm and smug, as though she had already won. She leaned back in her chair, resting her hands on her stomach with a sense of triumph that made you want to scream. “You were so sweet that night. So trusting. But then again, I made it easy for you, didn’t I? You thought it was her. You thought Lindsay was your wife.”

Your breath caught, the implication of her words crashing over you like a tidal wave and making you want to scream. You felt JJ’s hand on your arm, grounding you, but it wasn’t enough to stop the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

She continued, her voice dripping with feigned innocence. “I mean, you didn’t even question it. And you, so desperate for a family, so desperate for her, fell for it. You let her in. And when the time was right…” Cat leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms smugly. “Well, you did what needed to be done. Now, here we are. You’re finally going to be a daddy.”

Finally. Finally. Finally.

Spencer’s head whipped violently, his fists slamming onto the table with a force that seemed to shake the very air around you. His voice cracked with disbelief, raw and desperate. “No,” he said again, but this time, it was louder, like he was trying to make the world believe it too, trying to make you hear it, feel it. “You’re lying.”

The woman didn’t flinch. Instead, she tilted her head, her eyes glittering with cruel amusement, as if savoring every painful second. “What’s the matter? Not quite the picture you had in your head when you imagined your happy little family?” Her words sliced through the silence, her mockery dripping with venom. “I mean, let’s be honest—she was never going to give you a baby, was she? Not after what happened before.”

Before.

The word reverberated in your mind, jagged and relentless. You didn’t need to hear anything else. The floodgates opened and started to bleed again.

The sterile scent of the hospital room hit you like a tidal wave, the cold, mechanical hum of machines echoing in your ears. You could still feel the weight of the doctor’s words pressing down on you, the cruel finality of them. Your body, it seemed, was incapable of carrying life. The crushing reality hit harder than you could ever have prepared for. Spencer’s face had been pale, his lips trembling as he squeezed your hand, his own sorrow mirrored in your tears.

“We’ll get through this, love,” he had whispered, his voice trembling but determined. “It’s okay. We’ll find a way. It’s okay.”

But now, as you stood there in the present, surrounded by the fallout of broken dreams, that promise felt like an empty echo in the vast, aching space between you. Nothing was okay. Absolutely nothing was ever to be okay again.

Cat had come for what you could never give him, and now she was twisting the knife, ensuring you bled with every word that left her mouth. She wanted you to drown in the aftermath, wanted you to suffer, to feel like you’d been erased. As if you hadn't suffered enough, as if you weren't yet broken and traumatized enough.

You stumbled into the hallway, your legs giving way beneath you as if the very foundation of your existence had crumbled. The walls seemed to close in, the air thick, suffocating. Tears burned your eyes, spilling unchecked as years of grief poured from a place you thought had long since healed. JJ was behind you, her movements steady but soft as she followed.

“Come here. Sit down for a second,” she urged, her voice gentle but firm, like a lifeline thrown to someone drowning. She wanted to pull you in, to cradle you, but you couldn’t even hold yourself together.

You shook your head, your breath coming in shallow gasps, each one too short, too sharp. “I—I can’t. I can’t breathe.” You pressed your hands against the cool wall, your palms slick with sweat, desperate for some grounding, for something solid to stop the world from spinning out of control.

Please, just make it stop.

She placed a firm but soothing hand on your shoulder, guiding you to a nearby bench. “Just sit for a moment. Take a deep breath. You’re not alone, okay? I’m right here.”

Her words were kind, but they only made the ache in your chest burn hotter. You dropped your head into your hands, unable to hold it in anymore. “It’s not fair. She has everything,” you choked out without even thinking. “Everything I wanted. She took it. She—” Your voice faltered, the lump in your throat making it impossible to finish the sentence.

So, why'd it cost a woman like her anything? Was she going to give a better life to a baby than you could? Had you ever been such a bad person? Was that it?

Jennifer sat down beside you, not saying a word, just letting you find the strength to speak when you were ready.

When you finally did, your voice was broken. “You know…when Spencer and I moved in together, we picked the biggest house,” you said, the words spilling out in a torrent you couldn’t stop. “Not because we needed it, or because we wanted to live some fancy, luxury life—but because we were planning for the future. We talked about kids. We talked about filling that house with the chaos of family. We even set up a room…” Your voice faltered again, the memory of that room too painful to bear. “We called it the nursery.”

JJ’s expression softened, her eyes growing distant with empathy. She’d heard Reid talk about your dreams countless times—how he’d ask her for suggestions about baby names, recommendations for things he should know about raising kids, and everything to be a good husband and father at the same time.

“We bought baby clothes,” you whispered, your voice cracking again. “I still do it sometimes when I see something cute. Tiny little onesies, hats, socks…He always said we needed to be ready. That we’d want those things when the time came. And so we kept them, in a drawer, neatly folded. Waiting.”

God, you were so tired of always waiting.

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Do you know how many times I opened that drawer? How many times have I picked up those tiny clothes and imagined what it would feel like to hold our baby in them? To see Spencer cradling them, smiling the way only he can when he’s happy? Every time I see him with your kids, I want to see that for the rest of my life.”

Her hand covered yours, her grip warm and steady.

“And now Cat has that,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “She gets to have a baby. She gets to take away the one thing I’ve been holding onto, the dream that kept me going after…after the loss.”

The silence that followed was heavy, thick with the weight of what you’d never spoken about, what you’d kept buried ever since you walked out of that sterile hospital room. You had never talked about that day, not really—not since it happened. Not until now. Only in therapy, where the walls were thick, where no one could see you break, could you admit the rawness of it.

“I keep thinking about our house,” you continued, your voice distant and lost in memories. “How we’d sit up late at night, dreaming about how we’d decorate the nursery. We even picked names. Spencer wanted to name a boy after a scientist—he was obsessed with that idea. And I always thought, for a girl…we’d name her after his mom.”

JJ smiled faintly, though sadness lingered in her eyes. “You two still can do it and be the best parents in the world; don’t let her ruin everything.”

Having a good mom tell you that you were going to be a good mom was as filling as it was raw.

You shook your head, tears falling without restraint. You didn’t try to stop them. “How can I face him again? How can I look at him and not feel like I failed him? Like my body failed him, failed us, over and over again?”

Her voice was unwavering, strong, and full of conviction. “You didn’t fail him. You’ve never failed him, or yourself. This isn’t your fault. Spencer loves you. You’re going to get through this, together. And Cat…Cat didn’t win, okay?”

You wanted to believe her. You needed to believe her. But the suffocating weight of everything made it hard to see the truth. The face of the woman who had torn apart everything you thought you’d have was still vivid in your mind, her words echoing like a funeral bell.

“She said I couldn’t give him what he wanted,” you murmured, your voice cracking. “What if she’s right? What if—” What if your husband stopped loving you? What if he starts to hate you for not being enough? Can he?

“No,” she cut you off, her voice sharp but compassionate. “Don’t do that. Don’t let her poison your mind like that. He chose you. Not her, not anyone else. You. And this…this nightmare? It wasn’t his choice, and it wasn’t yours. But you’re going to get through it.” She knew what she was talking about.

JJ’s arm wrapped around you, pulling you close, her warmth enveloping you as the sobs you had been holding back finally broke free. She didn’t say anything more, just held you tightly, her presence a steady anchor in the storm. The sound of your sobs, the harsh, guttural sounds of a heart breaking, filled the hallway, but in her arms, you felt a small fragment of peace.

“I don’t know how to handle this,” you whispered into her shoulder, your voice trembling.

“You don’t have to handle it all right now,” she said softly. “Just breathe. I’m here, and I understand you, okay? It’s okay.”

For a moment, you let yourself collapse into the comfort she offered, letting the peace of her presence block out the memory of Cat’s cruel face, her words slicing into your soul. But that fleeting peace was shattered as hurried footsteps echoed down the hall, and then, just as suddenly, Spencer stood there with medical papers strewn on the floor and an agitated look.

His face was pale and a little sweaty, his fists clenched as if he wanted to throw the table in front of him away, and as soon as he saw you, everything stopped; he watched you with concern, and his breath caught in his throat. “Are you okay, love? I—I came as soon as I could, I’m sorry.” His voice was soft, almost a plea, as he took a tentative step closer.

You straightened, quickly wiping at your face, trying to pull yourself together. But the moment your eyes met his, the dam broke all over again.

Your husband moved to sit beside you, his hands reaching out but stopping just short of touching you, as though he was afraid he might hurt you more. “Hear me, whatever she said in there—it’s a lie. It has to be. She’s trying to get into our heads.”

JJ left quietly, her steps fading as she walked away, leaving the two of you alone. The silence between you and Spencer was suffocating, thick with the unspoken words, the weight of everything you were both feeling. You couldn’t look at him, not yet. Not when you knew the depth of his concern, the love in his eyes that you felt you didn’t deserve. Not when you felt like everything was unraveling and you had no way of holding it all together.

The moment his gaze softened, you felt it—a crack in the walls you had been desperately trying to keep intact. But you couldn’t—couldn’t carry it anymore, couldn’t wear that mask any longer. It was like trying to keep the ocean contained in a single glass jar.

You shook your head, swallowing hard against the lump in your throat. “I’m fine,” you whispered, your voice thin and fragile, like glass on the verge of shattering. But even to your own ears, the words felt hollow. They sounded like a lie, and you hated yourself for saying them. “I just need to go home. I’m so tired. I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”

His eyes searched yours, as though hoping he could find the answers to your pain somewhere in the depths of your soul. His jaw tightened, the muscles in his face flexing as he fought to understand, to fix it, but you knew he couldn’t. No one could. Not with this.

“You don’t have to go alone,” he said, his voice gentle but insistent, the kind of voice that pulled at your heart, that made you want to reach out and hold on to him. “Let me be there for you. Please.”

You flinched inwardly, the urge to push him away overwhelming. If he touched you now, you feared you’d crumble entirely. “No,” you said, your voice cutting through the fragile silence that had fallen between you. The word hung in the air, sharp, like a weapon you didn’t want to wield. But you had to. You had to. “I just need to be by myself for a moment.”

His expression shifted, hurt flashing across his face. He blinked, his lips parting as if he wanted to say something—anything—to make it better. But what could he say? He couldn’t take away the hurt, couldn’t undo the mess that had built up over the last few months. The raw, searing weight of grief and longing, of losing something you’d never even gotten to hold, hung between you like a thick fog.

He opened his mouth, but you cut him off. “Please, Spencer,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I just…I need time. Please.”

He recoiled slightly, but then he nodded. Slowly. His gaze softened with an ache that matched your own, but there was also something else there—something deep and unwavering. Love. Love that hurt, love that clung to you even as you tried to push it away.

“I love you,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “I love you so much. And whatever happens, whatever she said or done…it doesn’t change that. Nothing will change that. You and me—we’ll get through this.”

The words pierced you, not in the way you wanted, not in the way that would have given you comfort. Instead, they felt like a reminder of everything you had lost, everything you might never have. You look at your ring, trying to hold on to the meaning.

“I need to go,” you whispered, your hand trembling as you touched his arm, just briefly. It wasn’t a comfort; it was a goodbye. You didn’t want him to see you like this. You didn’t want to drag him down with you, even though you knew he’d follow you into hell if you asked. But you couldn’t let him. Not now.

Spencer hesitated, as if he might argue, but then he just sighed softly, nodding again, his face pale with worry. “Okay. But you know I’m here, right? If you change your mind—if you need me…” His voice trailed off, and he gave you a look of such pure concern that it almost broke you. Almost.

You nodded without meeting his eyes, wiping at your cheeks quickly before giving him a quick hug and walking away, each step a little heavier than the last. You couldn’t even look back.

The door of your car slammed shut behind you with a finality that sent a shiver down your spine. For a long moment, you sat there, the engine still off, staring straight ahead as the weight of everything settled over you like an oppressive storm cloud. You wanted to breathe, to take in the air, but it felt too thick, too heavy.

Finally, your hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white from the tension. You pressed your forehead against the wheel, trying to still the trembling that was slowly overtaking your body. And then, just like that, the dam broke. It wasn’t a sob at first. It was a sharp intake of breath—a gasp that felt like it was being ripped from you. And then came the tears, hot and fast, flowing down your face without mercy. Your chest ached as the sobs wracked your body, each one pulling something from you that you couldn’t even name. The quiet of the car only made the pain more acute, the isolation more unbearable.

The tears didn’t stop—they couldn’t. You cried for the dream you’d lost, the dream you’d clung to for so long, the dream you had built with him. You cried for the tiny clothes, the nursery, the baby names you’d never get to say. You cried for Spencer, for all the ways you felt like you were failing him. For all the ways you felt like you were breaking him, too.

Your sobs grew louder, more desperate, until your chest felt like it might collapse in on itself. There was nothing left to hold onto, no one to fix this, no way out.

And as the tears kept falling, as the sorrow consumed you, all you could do was let it happen. To sink into the ache, to let it wash over you, until you were nothing but an empty shell of the person you once were.

[redwinelew]

knee socks | lewis hamilton

summary | singer!y/n released a song which exposes lewis' lack of attention toward her in their relationship and he isn't too pleased with it.

warnings | 18+. smut. oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, vaginal sex, dirty talk, lewis being a little mean, english is not my first language, pls lmk what else i missed

author's note | i have nothing to post rn and this has been sitting in my drafts so weeks so here you go. lmk if u guys enjoy this and if u want me to write more written fics.

lewis is a private man, he made that clear all throughout his life, since the first world championship trophy was handed to him, the moments everybody's eyes in the world started to set on him, following his every move, to this day. he doesn't like channeling his personal matters to the public. sure there are a lot of people who'd be interested to know, journalists who would sell their souls for an exclusive interview with him, but nothing can make him give up his peace anymore. he had his moments when he was younger. everything was open to interpretation for the media and fans. but as he gets older, things changed. private life should stay private.

you are a musician. and it's risky, dating a musician. he's seen it. he's been with one, and he is one. he thought he already knew, he thought he understood what he was getting himself back into. you are different from his ex. you make your own music, write your own songs, not afraid to be vulnerable through your art, never care however fans and media are going to interpret them. they'll never know the truth. it's none of their business anyway. he doesn't regret dating you, though. nothing could make him regret being with you. he wouldn't trade it even for his 8th championship.

but deep down, lewis knows this day will come. where a little inconvenience happens in your relationship was enough to set you off completely. the day where you stopped listening to the logical part of your brain and follow your heart instead. the day you pissed off enough to finally say fuck it.

in your defense, you were so caught up in your feelings. part of you also honestly didn't care. you are a singer, a musician, as much as he is. this is how you express yourself. he should have known that by now. if he didn't want the whole world to know how fucking busy he is with the race season to the point where he never spent time with you anymore, he should have pay more attention to you.

you would have argued with that if only you could form a single coherent sentence right now. but all you could say was—

"please...."

do not ask how long has this been going on. he could lie and say hours and you'll believe it. he could ask you to do anything and you'll obey. it's not like you have a choice. if it pleases him, if it will somehow get you the release you have been desperately craving, fucking hell, you'll do it. that's how it is right now. you, half naked on the bed. pants discarded somewhere on the carpeted bedroom floor. panties gone to fuck knows where. his old band t-shirt that you're wearing is pushed up, exposing your belly and almost your chest.

him? in between your legs. inked hands holding your thighs open for his tongue to explore your folds in every way he knows, drawing all kinds of sounds out of you, pushing you to the edge again and again but not quite giving you the release you've been desperately needing. not after what you said about him in the song, no.

a whine escapes your lips yet again when he pulls himself off of you just as you're about to reach another peak. he looks up, a smirk decorating his face as his tongue licks your arousal from his thick lips.

bastard.

"i didn't ask you to beg." he replies calmly, caressing your inner thigh all the way up to your knee, making you almost jerk up at the slightest of his touch.

of course he is calm. he's enjoying this. torturing you. driving you insane. god how you wish the tables are turn right now. how you wish that you have the energy to flip the two of you and get your revenge on him, showing him how it feels to be in your shoes. he'd be worse than you are right now. you can say that confidently because you've seen it. some rare moments where he handed over the control to you, letting you take charge in bed and do whatever you wanted to him. easiest way to say, he was a mess.

"you're not being fair—" was instead all you could say in such a pathetic tone that even you did not recognize yourself.

"i wasn't planning to be."

your pussy clenches around nothing at the casualness of his reply. your mind is pissed at him for ruining your orgasms but your body couldn't help but craving for his touch. you've seen the dominance side of him almost every night and yet the calmness that he's radiating right now even though you know how angry he is at you and your song is enough to send shivers down your spine.

there's something about lewis being angry and yet not completely showing it.

it turns you on even more.

"tell me what i want to hear first." he demands, his thick digits rubbing your bundle of nerves. your back arches into his touch. your eyelids flutter, broken moans fall from your lips.

the pleasure didn't last long. a soft, frustrated sigh leaves you as do his fingers from your clit. just when you were going to try catching your breath, he plunges two fingers inside without warning.

"fuck— oh my god—"

he hovers above you, eyes never leaving your face, watching your every reaction, the way your jaw hangs low. the thickness of his digits makes you feel so full already, you couldn't form neither words nor sounds.

"fuck, fuck—" and when he moves his fingers, you already saw heaven. the wet squelching sound from your arousal is so sinful it almost made you feel embarrassed at how wet you still are even after having your pleasure punished by him. your hand reaches up to his free arm near your head, clinging to him for support. your nails dig deep into his inked skin, drawing a silent hiss from him.

"come on," he says again. "tell me what i want to hear."

this might be it. he's fingering you with passion, hitting that sweet spot over and over again, making your legs tremble. he never half-assed anything in his life, especially when it comes to your pleasure but something tells you that maybe this is when he thinks that you have had your lesson and it's time you give you that release. he just loves you that much. and you always get what you want.

"n-no." you stutter in defiance.

he smirks again. your denial only makes this more fun for him, which is apparent in the way his fingers move rougher and faster right now. and you notice how his other digits are avoiding your clit, making it a little harder for you to reach another peak.

"four orgasms denied and you still wanna be stubborn?"

only four? it felt like hundreds, you manage to think to yourself despite how hazy your mind feels right now.

"please...." you croak out, and that's how far you'll beg for his forgiveness.

but he's not satisfied. he pulls out his fingers, and you would have groaned if you could even speak right now.

"no...."

"don't worry, sweetie," he cuts you off surprisingly, sitting up straight again. you prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he lines up the tip of his cock against your entrance, teasing your folds slightly. you feel as if air has been knocked out of your lungs. you didn't even think that this was a possibility tonight, to be fucked by him. to feel his thick cock inside you. genuinely you thought he would leave you high and dry, though it's very unlikely for him. but still. he could truly be that cruel when he wants to.

"i'll make you come if that's what you wanted so badly. but only on my cock. and i'll make you come again and again until i finally get my apology."

you swallow thickly.

that is certainly a promise.

[pueckersgirl]

WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW — Paige Bueckers x Teammate! reader

summary — Paige finally realizing that she fell for her best friend after the win against usc :)

warnings — none, super cute

note — first post, so scared.. literally just thought of this out of nowhereee, send requests tho!!

wc — 1.9k

It’s your senior year at Uconn, your last season and opportunity to win the natty you’ve been chasing since you were a freshman. You’d worked so hard all throughout the season, determined to make it to the NCAA Championship finals.

After the season you’d had so far, things were looking great for the team. Your team worked amazingly together, on and off the court. Especially you and Paige, an unstoppable duo, which was a title you embraced.

It was the Elite Eight, a game that would decide if you made it to the Final Four or not. The game was against USC, a team just as good as your own.

They put up quite the fight, wanting the win just as bad as you. It was a close game, but with only three seconds on the clock and being up by seven, you knew you’d won.

You can hardly hear the buzzer that announces the end of the game, your teammates and Uconn fans already screaming.

You’re not even thinking when your feet automatically carry you towards Paige, throwing yourself into a hug. She’s screaming too, wrapping her arms around you while jumping excitedly.

You’d wanted this so bad, but if there was one person who wanted it more than you, it was her.

Paige has had it rough throughout her years at Uconn. She missed a good bit of her sophomore season after fracturing her tibia, and then missed all over her junior season due to tearing her ACL.

Her ACL recovery journey was not easy, you witnessed it firsthand. It took longer than the usual recovery did, but she never gave up. And this season, she jumped right back in, like she was never injured to begin with.

She was so strong, one of the millions of things you admire about her. In fact, you might have a tiny crush on the girl, who happened to be your best friend.

A tiny crush that she was completely oblivious to.

It wasn’t that you purposefully tried to show it, but you weren’t exactly discreet. The whole team had found out about it, constantly teasing you to no end. Whether it was the way you’d stare at her when she wasn’t paying attention, or the blush that would coat your cheeks when she hugged you an extra long second.

It was obvious to everyone but her. So obvious that fans had noticed and started shipping you with her. You would never tell a soul, but sometimes you’d watch ship edits, cheesing at the clips.

The edits made it look like she almost liked you back. Almost.

Others would agree that she was just as equally infatuated with you, but you couldn’t see that. Neither could Paige honestly.

She’d never taken the time to think about your friendship and how it was basically equivalent to a relationship. No, you guys were never intimate sexually but you were in almost every other way. Hell, you’d been sleeping in each other’s bed for the past six months (something Nika thought was so weird.)

Still, no lines were ever crossed the way you’d honestly hoped. So, you tiptoed on the line between but never said anything as long as she didn’t.

You realize how long you’ve been holding her, growing warm in the face when Ice sends you a look. You pull away, moving to hug the rest of your teammates and join in on the celebration dance Kk started.

You all line up to give your ‘good games’ and pats on the back to USC before returning back to the court. You watch as Paige excitedly jumps, pushing Geno around and can’t help the smile that automatically makes its way on your face.

Some interviewers pull a few players aside, Paige included, leaving you to comfort a crying Nika.

For the sake of pictures, team management passes out your shoot-around shirts to put back on along with a matching cap. You all mingle around the court, waiting for the trophy to be brought out.

To add on to the celebration, confetti was set off, which you immediately start scooping off the floor to throw at Geno.

While Paige is still getting interviewed, she spots you and Geno, smiling at your antics. She doesn’t even realize the trance she’s in until she realized she had missed the question the interviewer asked, who was looking at her with an almost knowing smile.

Paige felt like she was looking at you in a whole new light. The gravitational pull she felt towards you, the need to be close to you. She never realized how much she thought about you, or how you were the first person she looked for in a crowded room. Only now does she realize.

“Uh, what’d you say? My bad, I zoned out,” she apologizes, shaking her head and looking back to the interviewer.

The interviewer repeats her question, watching as her gaze flickers back and forth between her and you. This time though, Paige manages to answer the question before saying her thanks and returning to join the team’s celebration.

Once the trophy is brought out, the team huddles up to take pictures with it.

You sit front and center in the middle, beaming at the camera with the trophy between you and Aaliyah. Nika, who was on the other side of you, moves to make an open space for Paige, who would complain if she wasn’t beside you. To show her appreciation, she gives Nika a side hug, mumbling a small thanks in her ear.

Paige instinctively wraps an arm around your shoulders, causing you to look at her and smile brighter.

Photographer’s stand in front of you, taking photo after photo. You look to the camera, feeling happier than you’d ever been.

Paige looks at the camera, for the most part, at least. Her eyes flicker to you again a few times, but she does her best to be professional.

After the team photos, photographers pull aside individual players for more photos. While you wait your turn, you stand around talking with Azzi and Caroline.

Paige returns from her individual photos, coming up behind you and grabbing your arm. She pulls you towards her, stealing you away from the current conversation you were in.

“Hi?” You say, but it comes out sounding like more of a question. Despite your confusion, you still smile up at her in a way that has her heart racing.

“You got somethin,” she mutters, reaching a hand up to your head. She carefully removes your cap, pulling at a piece of confetti tangled in your hair. “There.”

She holds up the piece of confetti to you, laughing softly. Before you can put your hat on properly, she flips it backwards and places it on your head, laughing even more.

“Paige, c’mon,” you groan, smacking her shoulder playfully. “Put it back!”

“But you look cute,” she protests, still laughing at you. “Okay, fine. Hold on real quick,” she says, pulling out her phone to, what you assumed, post on some social media platform and embarrass you.

“When did you even grab your phone?” You question her, because when did she find the time to retrieve it? She shrugs, smiling mischievously and continuing to unlock her phone.

It didn’t matter that there were plenty of photographers all around, along with cameras recording the interaction. She wanted the picture to herself.

You stare at the camera with an attempt at a blank expression, but with Paige staring at you the way she was, like she was completely and entirely in love with you? You couldn’t help cracking a small smile.

She looks at the picture for a moment, still smiling, which was causing her cheeks to hurt, before tucking her phone in the pocket of her shorts.

You continue to glare at her, waiting for her to fix your hat. She sighs, rolling her eyes before taking the hat off your head again.

This time, she flattens any stray hairs sticking out, wiping at one on your forehead. She places the hat back on your head the way it was originally, patting your cheek teasingly.

“All better, yeah?” She smirks, her gaze shifting down to your lips before back up to your eyes.

You quirk a brow at her, noticing her wandering eyes, telling her without words that you caught her. She doesn’t say anything either, raising her brows in amusement, putting her hands up in fake defense.

Before you can say anything back, you’re being called for your individual photos.

“Be back,” you turn to her, sending a sarcastic smile before turning on your feet. You don’t look back, trying to save yourself from adding to the heat on your face, but you feel her eyes on you.

“The editors are gonna have a field day with this,” Paige turns at the sound of Kk’s voice, rolling her eyes and pushing her away.

“You’re dumb,” she shakes her head, trying to play it all off. The blush on her cheeks said otherwise though.

“What? I’m keepin it real, you got caught lackin!” Kk snickers to herself, stopping when Paige sends her a ‘shut the fuck up’ look.

Finally, after all the photos, the team heads into the locker room. You were obviously tired from the game, but could still feel the adrenaline pumping from the win.

You’re packing up your bag, throwing a hoodie on over your jersey and slipping on your Uggs. The team slowly files out, leaving just you, waiting on Paige.

She decided to shower in the locker room bathroom, which you now realized you should’ve forced her to wait until you were home. You know how long it takes her to shower, yet you still agreed.

“You ready to go?” Paige emerges from the bathroom at least half an hour later. She’s dressed in a hoodie and sweats, drying her hair with a towel.

“Finally,” you sigh, standing from the bench you were sitting on with a stretch. Normally, Paige would have a snarky response, but one never comes. You look at her, confused when she sends a half-assed (and forced) smile. “Something wrong?”

“Listen, I was wondering if we could talk?” She speaks up, sitting down on the bench. You don’t hesitate to sit beside her, reaching for her hand.

“Of course,” you say reassuringly, despite the anxiety spreading throughout you. When she doesn’t say anything after a moment, you turn to her again. “Did I do something?”

“No, I just.. I realized something today and I need to tell you,” she rambles, pausing to lick her lips and finally meet your eye. “I think.. I think I’m in love with you. Not in a friend way, like-“

You don’t let her finish her sentence, using your free hand to grab her jaw and kiss her. She doesn’t kiss back immediately, caught off guard by the sudden action. But when she does realize what’s happening, she’s quick to pull you closer to her.

You kiss her until you’re out of breath, pulling back and panting like you just ran a mile. You’re not sure what to do now, looking up at her sheepishly.

“Don’t get shy on me now,” she breaks a smile, breathless herself.

“Shut up,” you shake your head, feeling the heat creeping up your neck.

“So does this mean..” Paige trails off, suddenly lacking her confidence to finish the sentence. She would hate for all that to have happened just to get rejected.

“Yeah,” you nod your head, standing up from the bench. You hold your hand out for her to take, which she immediately does. “Can we go now?”

“Let’s go home,” she breathes out, slinging her duffel bag over her shoulder.

Just before you leave the locker room, she stops, grabbing your jaw to kiss you a second time.

“What’s that for?” You smile at her, tilting your head curiously.

“Just cause I can do that now,” she shrugs her shoulders, smiling proudly and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

[satoru-is-the-way]

A/N: Hello everyone it has been a while since I have done any sort of fanfiction. I want to try and get back in the groove for this new year. There are so many fandoms I want to write for. I want to try and get all my drafts and inbox requests cleared out by June but who knows if that will happen. Right now I will focus on them one at a time. But for now I want to focus a bit on Squid Game since the new episode just released. This will be a two part fanfiction.

Triggers: Mention of death, Gore (part 2), smoking, alcohol use, age gap (reader is 25 , Seong is 50,) and SMUT (PART 2)

Seong Gi- Hun x Reader

Game of Hearts pt.1

Seong Gi- Hun had his heart, mind, and soul set on finding the person who currently ran the Squid Game. He needed to find not only their leader but the island he was sent to in hopes of stopping the horrid games once and for all. His first step was to find the salesman who recruited him. Gi- Hun needed a team searching everyday for signs of this recruiter, and with his money he could afford anyone he desires. That is how (Y/n) (L/n) landed an invitation from Gi- Hun to discuss a partnership. Doing his research on possible hires, her name somehow kept finding its way to the top of his list. (Y/n) (L/n) came from an international family who of course aren't exactly on the right side of the law. Gi- Hun normally would not converse with people such as this but he needed someone discreet. It is possible this foreigner may be just the thing he needed to give a different perspective, and if they were caught it wouldn't connect back to him.

Gi- Hun sat patiently waiting for (Y/n) to arrive. His leg bounced nervously as the anticipation continued to grow. He was eager to get his mission started and this was only the first step in his plan. So many doubts ran through his mind. Everything that happened, all the friends lost, and worst of all the betrayals. A gentle knock at the door instantly grabbed his attention. “You may enter.” He spoke in a monotone voice. A cricking sound echoed in the room as (Y/n) entered. Now Gi- Hun had seen many beautiful foreigners in his life but this woman took his breath away. A feeling was rekindling he never thought possible again especially with how things ended with his ex wife whom Gi- Hun used to harbor feelings for. (Y/n) was a decent height, not taller than he was. Her sharp (e/c) eyes had been the first thing that captivated him. A look someone in power gave and it made him almost fall to his knees in front of her. (Y/n) held her head high taking a seat in front of him. She crossed her legs elegantly ready for business. Suddenly his lips were dry he quickly wets them taking a breath in.

“Are you just going to sit there and sweat all over the place or talk business?” Her tone that made him hang off every word spoken.

Gi- Hun nods,” Forgive me. I am looking for someone and I believe your team has the skill set needed to help.”

“Sure, do you have a picture of this suspect? Do you want them dead or alive?” (Y/n) got straight to the point.

“No I don’t have a picture but I can describe him, maybe even draw a reference up, but I do need him alive. This man is very dangerous. I didn't plan to go into detail about him. I do think you need to know what I have been through…” Gi- Hun then goes into details about how the salesman looked and tells her the synopsis of his time in the Squid Games. In honesty he simply needed to vent to some who might listen. Like any normal person of course her facial expressions changed throughout the entire hour he spent rambling on. Just as she was about to call him a lunatic and storm out for wasting her time Gi- Hun pulled out a case of money. The sum only one could achieve if his story was true. He looked like a desperate man needing someone, anyone to believe him.

“I’m in.” Those are the words that sealed their fate.

_1 Year Later_

The first year was rough for Gi- Hun who struggled with no progress. The pressure built on his shoulders as (Y/n)’s team searched. No leads, signs, or any traces of this guy or any others recruiting for their sadistic game. He is currently lighting a cigarette leaning back in his chair. It was time for (Y/n)'s weekly update. She walked into the room. The once stone cold eyes now turn soft seeing Gi- Huns distress. It was easy to notice he was worked up, especially today because it happened to be the ‘anniversary’ of him winning the games.

(Y/n) had also opened up with Gi- Hun the older man constantly turned to her for conversation. Normally she would dismiss clients' interests in becoming more than just professional partners… However this man , using those sad puppy looks made her professional code crumble after the first 3 months. Today Gi- Hun started their normal conversation about who went where and searched what stations including all the evidence of their searches that had been submitted via picture. (Y/n) in the middle of their debriefing took a bold step behind Gi- Hun’s desk gently placing both of her soft hands on his shoulders. At first he tensed up, unsure of her movements. Little by little her hands began to move , rubbing his shoulders.

“What…why are you doing this?” His voice shakes from the amount of relaxation he was drifting into. She chuckled at his response and applied more pressure at the base of his neck earning a moan. “You are trying to kill me aren't you?”

“Gi- Hun if I wanted to kill you and take all of your money I would have done so already. But I wouldn’t ever think of doing that. After meeting you nothing feels the same… I want to meet more than once a week. I can see this is tearing you apart. You have been at this for a year… we may not have much progress… but I know destiny brought us together and it's just begun. I won’t leave your side.” She could not stop as her heart took over.

Gi- Hun is speechless gazing up into her large (e/c) eyes that sparkle in the dim light of this run down hotel. “It's dangerous, I am dangerous. All the people that were killed… I hated that I even got you involved… you are the closest friend I have made in a very long time.”

Friend… just like that her world crumbles this whole time she had only been a friend to Gi- Hun and nothing more? All the late nights thinking of him. How (Y/n) casually would scroll through their texts… Each sweet compliment or kind gesture from Gi- Hun meant nothing but… friendship… (Y/n) refused to let her emotions show now.

“Yeah, what are friends for! I know you would do the same for me if the roles were reversed… or at least I would hope so.” She felt her cheeks warm up as he stood gazing down at her. Gi- Hun pulled her into a hug needing more physical contact. (Y/n) quickly embraces him as well, feeling the need to act as if this was no more than a friendship.

“I don't know what I would do without you.” He whispered. It was breaking Gi- Hun to tell her this was nothing more than a friendship because he craved more. But he didn't need to put a target on her back. If she got caught up in these horrid games… if they killed her… Gi- Hun wouldn't be able to move on.

“I should get going. I have some more paths to lay out with my men. They need to know where to head for next week.” (Y/n) pulled back, turning to leave.

Gi- Hun grabbed the small of her forearm, “Wait! How about we get some drinks tomorrow. It's an off day… I would really like to treat you… Come here and I’ll take you somewhere nice… as professional friends of course!” It took a moment for her to respond properly, she had to make sure her voice did not waver, not in front of him anymore.

“Yeah I would love that. How does around noon sound?” She asked after receiving a confirmation from Gi- Hun (Y/n) left returning to her apartment tossing herself in the bed with a sigh. Why is she putting herself through this? The desire to cancel this meetup was close but she had to see him… She craves Seong Gi- Hun.

-To Be Continued.

[ms-demeanor]

Is hypnotherapy on your psudomedicine shitlist or do you think it has validity? (To be clear, I'm not talking about 'hypnotic memory recovery' which is proven to be false)

It's worked for me and some other people I know, but I've also heard some people say it doesn't work.

I very badly want it to be on my shitlist but it gets slotted in next to meditation on the shelf labeled "infuriatingly, sometimes believing something hard enough makes it work." Some kinds of hypnosis seem to reliably create altered mental states that allow people who enter those states to internalize and process things that they might otherwise struggle with; I see this as somewhat analogous to, like, using mushrooms to feel a deeper connection to a shared sense of humanity or something along those lines. It does seem to have some reliably measurable effects but how well it works varies wildly from person to person is basically my take, which makes sense to me because I'm pretty sure hypnosis is just, like, extremely focused guided meditation.

Yesterday someone brought up an example saying that they had heard that a relatively recent study from a trustworthy scientific organization had proved the existence of one of the primary acupuncture meridians; searches for the name of the meridian, the name of the institution, searches for studies with those terms, searches for those terms and "proof", searches for only the meridian and scientific study only turned up low-quality studies that were exclusively from either acupuncture or alternative medicine journals.

A search for "hypnosis study" immediately turns up recent articles on the effectiveness of hypnosis from the American Psychological Association, Stanford University, mainstream behavioral journals, and discussion of at least one experiment that has been replicated by multiple people testing the validity of hypnosis (in multiple experiments on different groups of hypnotizable people, the stroop effect is noticeably mitigated by hypnotic suggestion). None of that is evidence that hypnosis "works" but it is evidence that something is actually happening there that *could* prove to be effective.

I'm still pretty skeptical, but there's enough evidence of an effect to say that it's not pure bullshit. Like I'll say that chiropractic is bullshit (subluxations don't cause asthma even if none of the chiros involved believe in ghosts; it's unscientific and wrong regardless of the origins) but note that I never said herbalism was bullshit - just that it's on my shit list and it's dangerous - many many many herbal treatments DO have effects and that's why it can be dangerous, doses and interactions are unpredictable.

I think that hypnosis is probably not inherently dangerous, and it seems like there may be some measurable positive effects, and even though it SEEMS really fake to me enough serious people have done enough serious looking into it that I don't feel comfortable calling it fake-like-souls-are-fake; it doesn't appear to be exclusively based on magical thinking and it has a lot in common with other altered states that people are capable of putting themselves into voluntarily through a variety of means.

So I guess tick the box for "I'm suspicious and skeptical but could be convinced if presented with enough high quality evidence, which I think it is likely possible to produce."

So it's not on my shit list but if I found out that someone I loved was using hypnosis as a treatment I'd be doing a deep dive on the person providing the hypnosis to figure out if they were a charlatan.

[oceanicwriting]

you... love me?

summary: it's been months since your relationship with theodore nott turned into hell. every week there was something to argue about, being fixed with sex to avoid the awkward conversation. you were tired, so you make a decision that could hurt the rest of your life.

pairing(s): theodore nott x fem!reader

a/n: i was thinking of a second part for this one, but i don't know... i'll think about it better ;-).

angst, toxic relationship

ㅤㅤㅤyou look at him, sitting among his friends in the stinky snake common room. they're smoking and talking so animatedly with each other that you hesitate to go meet him for fear of spoiling his peace. however, draco malfoy, one of his friends, waves in your direction with a nod that catches the attention of the entire group.

ㅤㅤㅤ—hey! what are you doing standing there? —mattheo asks, extending a half-finished cigarette in your direction—. you haven't been around here for days, how are you?

ㅤㅤㅤyou shake your head and, ignoring the boy's questions, look at theodore. in all this time, he hadn't turned to look at you even by mistake.

ㅤㅤㅤ—can we talk?

ㅤㅤㅤonly then do his blue eyes rest on your body. there was nothing in his gaze that would help you understand what was going on in his head, but he nods.

ㅤㅤㅤwhen he passes by you, inviting you to follow him, the scent of his perfume mixed with the cigarette in his fingers hits thousands of memories chained to the back of your mind. you feel your stomach twist, swallowing the urge to vomit as you take two big breaths of air. now that you were getting closer to the imminent end, you didn't think all the preparation was enough.

ㅤㅤㅤas you reach his bedroom, there is a silence that surrounds you with discomfort, making you lose all the sanity you had accumulated. he doesn't seem to notice the great effort you make to stand in front of him without bursting into tears, much less with those confident movements in the room.

ㅤㅤㅤ—so? —you knew that voice. the way the words stagnate in his throat, coming out hoarse and thick—. what do you want to talk about?

ㅤㅤㅤeverything felt familiar from that moment, making you fear that the succession of events will rush your bravery.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i know you're angry with me for...

ㅤㅤㅤhis sour laugh interrupts you, making you shut up to say—: angry? why would i be angry to see you strutting around with oliver?

ㅤㅤㅤyou roll your eyes, moving closer to him. his empty eyes remind you of all the other times things happened like this, repeating themselves over and over again to make your chest ache with anguish.

ㅤㅤㅤ—how many times do i have to say it? i explained it to you a thousand times —you say, feeling your cheeks redden from the rage that rises inside you—. oliver is my classmate! we were just talking.

ㅤㅤㅤ—do you think i'm going to believe that? —he faces you with the same rage you had built up—. do you think i'm an idiot?!

ㅤㅤㅤhis scream makes you step back, making his bitter gaze soften for a second, but your cynical laugh doesn't help lighten the rage he contains in his clenched fists.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i just can't believe it...

ㅤㅤㅤit was always the same. theodore would start to reproach something that had twisted in his mind, blaming you and yelling at you to make you feel enough guilt that would manage to subdue your anger. within a minute, he would regret it. he would say things that sound like achievable promises, but they are nothing more than lies that you had already tasted before. he knew exactly how to play with you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—what is it that you can't believe?

ㅤㅤㅤyou look at him, angry from the depths of his soul and playing with every sensitive part of your mind.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i can't keep doing this, theodore.

ㅤㅤㅤin an instant his gaze, strong and hard, transforms into a soft and confused one. your heart starts to beat hard, forcing you to hold back the accumulation of tears that threaten to run down your face. your head hurts with the simple exchange of glances that loses more and more fierceness.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i-i can't keep fighting with you. —your trembling lip betrays all your emotions, but you try to stay strong—. i can't keep listening to you...

ㅤㅤㅤ—bella...

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore tries to get closer with his hands determined to caress your face. he wanted to comfort you, repent, and find a solution that doesn't involve losing you, although he didn't know that nothing could make you fall again before his empty words.

ㅤㅤㅤ—no! —you scream, making him look at you perplexed—. don't come near me.

ㅤㅤㅤyou and theodore nott had met four years ago. for a whole year, you were nothing more than friends, getting to know each other more deeply every day and losing yourselves in each other's safety. the lines became blurred soon after, when you began to lose yourselves in tender caresses. you never thought that getting to know him much more would be so torturous.

ㅤㅤㅤyou remember the first time you two argued. it was because you had sat next to fred weasley in class, and thanks to his personality, you laughed more than you should have. you had cried so much that night that you promised not to make the same mistake. so afterward, it wasn't just about laughing at someone else's jokes because you weren't allowed to talk to, look at, or meet another man.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i came to break up with you —you say, theodore freezes. you were walking away right in front of his eyes—. we can't keep doing this to each other.

ㅤㅤㅤ—no, you can't...

ㅤㅤㅤ—yes i can. —your hands clench at the bottom of your vest, pressing your nails into your palms—. i can walk away from you. we're not doing anything right, theodore. you have to understand.

ㅤㅤㅤfrom one moment to the next, his cold and familiar hands hold your face. your tears running down your cheeks are erased by the softness of his thumb, trying to chase away any fear outside. your heart couldn't take it.

ㅤㅤㅤ—but i love you. —you deny, slowly removing his hands—. don't do this, please.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you... love me? —you question, perplexed. you search for all the strength possible inside yourself, ignoring the lit charm in his gaze—. if you love me, you would trust me. if you love me like you say, you would listen when i tell the truth. theodore... if you love me, you wouldn't hurt me so much. no, you don't love me.

ㅤㅤㅤhe looks at you, so close but far away.

ㅤㅤㅤ—nothing can save this.

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore could see the obvious. he could see all the times he hurt you, flashing through your eyes. his mistakes were marked on every part of your body, like tattoos he could now see.

ㅤㅤㅤyour hand reaches for the door handle, escaping in complete silence. you couldn't bear the softness of his words attacking you once more, and that forced you to escape down the hall with speed. you wanted to believe that if you ever met again, everything could end differently.

[gotham-ruaidh]

"Thank ye, John," he said. "I hadna time to say it earlier. I‘m verra grateful to ye."

"Thank me? It was hardly my choice. You abducted me at gunpoint."

Jamie smiled; the tension of the last hour had eased, and with it the lines of his face. "Not that. For taking care of Claire, I mean."

"Claire," he repeated. "Ah. Yes. That."

"Aye, that," Jamie said patiently, and bent a little to peer at him in concern. "Are ye quite well, John? Ye look a wee bit peaked."

"Peaked," Grey muttered. His heart was beating very erratically; perhaps it would conveniently stop. He waited for a moment to allow it to do this if it liked, but it went on cheerfully thumping away. No help, then. Jamie was still looking quizzically at him. Best to get it over quickly.

He took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and commended his soul to God.

"I have had carnal knowledge of your wife," he blurted.

He had expected to die more or less instantaneously upon this utterance, but everything continued just as usual. Birds continued chirping in the trees, and the rip and slobber of the horses champing grass was the only sound above that of the rushing water. He opened one eye to find Jamie Fraser standing there regarding him, head to one side.

"Oh?" said Jamie curiously. "Why?"

“What do you bloody mean, ‘Why’?” he said, suddenly irritated. “And why aren’t you fucking dead?”

“I often wonder that myself,” Fraser replied politely. “I take it ye thought I was?”

“Yes, and so did your wife! Do you have the faintest idea what the knowledge of your death did to her?”

The dark-blue eyes narrowed just a trifle.

“Are ye implying that the news of my death deranged her to such an extent that she lost her reason and took ye to her bed by force Because,” he went on, neatly cutting off Grey’s heated reply, “unless I’ve been seriously misled regarding your own nature, it would take substantial force to compel ye to any such action. Or am I wrong?”

The eyes stayed narrow. Grey stared back at them. Then he closed his own eyes briefly and rubbed both hands hard over his face, like a man waking from a nightmare. He dropped his hands and opened his eyes again.

“You are not misled,” he said, through clenched teeth. “And you are wrong.”

Fraser’s ruddy eyebrows shot up—in genuine astonishment, Grey thought.

“Ye went to her because—from desire?” His voice rose, too. “And she let ye? I dinna believe it.”

The color was creeping up Fraser’s tanned neck, vivid as a climbing rose. Grey had seen that happen before and decided recklessly that the best—the only—defense was to lose his own temper first. It was a relief.

“We thought you were dead, you bloody arsehole!” he said, furious. “Both of us! Dead! And we—we—took too much to drink one night—very much too much . . . We spoke of you . . .

and . . . Damn you, neither one of us was making love to the other—we were both fucking you!”

-- An Echo In The Bone and Written In My Own Heart's Blood

[fairyhaos]

ᜊ : WELCOME TO FAIRYHAOS’...

hello beloved whimsies! we're finally nearing the end of another year, and just like we did in 2023, it's time to review everything that happened in 2024 ^^ here in this post i'll go back over some general stats, some "top (x)" categories, and also a shoutout to all the lovely people i've met here on tumblr <3

but first, the general stats!

the fairyhaos account was opened 603 days ago (as of new year's eve)

crazily, we have a total of 4382 followers already - which is 1505 in just this year,

and the total number of moots has risen to over 40 !

in 2024, ive written 34 works (+1 for tubatu!!),

created 21 gifsets (+2 for zb1!!),

made 3.6k+ posts in general,

received 325 posts in my tracked tag #useryenas (thanku guys so much for that)

and wracked up 62.7k+ notes in this year alone!

(which brings the total note count to 169.8k... LITERALLY INSANE)

statistics-wise, this year has been absolutely incredible, despite how inactive i've been, so thank you everyone!!

now, how about the top post stats?

total word count in 2024: ~87,000 words!!!

top fic of 2024: no such thing as too perfect // jww (2,300 notes)

top fic of all time: 04:15am // csc (4,514 notes)

fav fic from 2024: all mother nature's fault // hjs

top gif from 2024: joshua | arena x barrie (407 notes)

top gif of all time: gyuseokshu | babygirls (658 notes)

fav gif from 2024: yujin | prettiest person in the world

this is all absolutely amazing, but genuinely, this wouldn't have been possible without the support and love i've received from all of you: moots, followers, and everyone else who has been so, so kind.

so finally, here are my thanks!

first port of call is of course, my most beloved writer moots who i've known since day 1! thank you to @blue-jisungs for being so bright and friendly, to @weird-bookworm for being the biggest, kindest supporter i could ask for, to @etherealyoungk for being so lovely all the time, to @icyminghao, @hannyoontify, @wheeboo, @slytherinshua, @haecien, @wollycobbl3-blr @gyuswhore @arafilez @eternalgyu @idubiluv @wonwoonlight @odxrilove @leejungchans @joonsytip @mirxzii @trblsvt @reikaryu for just being so sweet and so fun and making me grateful every day that i found you. i talk to u all with varying degrees of frequency, but still, i love you all so much. thank you!

and ofc, there are my incredibly talented cc moots who have been w me since last year :( our main content may be different, but i'm so thankful to have known u all bc you're all the friendliest, most talented people in the world! to @sugurugetos for always being so kind since day one, to @vcrnons for being the sweetest, to the always friendly @soonhoonsol, to @meowonhao @h-ao @seokmins @joshuas, thank you for being here because you brighten up my dash, without a fail, all the time!

then to all the moots i made this year, hello and thank you!! thank you to @chwedout for being so silly and kind, to @96z for your loveliness and being the caratblr glue, to @jeonwon-wonwoo for being the kindest soul ever, to @planetkiimchi and @eoieopda for being fun and sweet and so, so nice. and of course, thanks to @pookiez, @p1harmonie @rosieposie @y-eontan @fabulaee, because we even though the only interaction we have is reblogging the same stuff and me putting things in your tracked tags, i love seeing you on my dash and you make my day so much better, genuinely. <3

it feels strange to put this in, but i also want to thank the people who i follow, even if they don't follow me back: because i love your posts, and i think it's important that i say it! you all form a key part of my experience here, so thank you: @jeonghanic @soobinies @lee-sanghyeok @yeonjune @db2k @hoshingi @wnjunhui @renjunniez @myungjaehyun !!

but there's no way i'm forgetting everyone else!

to @melodicrabbit @caratsandpotatoes and @minhui896, whose rbs i always look forward to whenever i post; to @chocoreads and @k1eev for being excited about yeoubi since the start, thank you so much. to the people who tagged me in their fic recs post, thank you too!!!

to 🍒 anon, vernon anon, glasses shua anon, 😼 anon, and any other named anons ive forgotten, thank you for popping into my inbox and making my day. to any unnamed anons, or anons who appeared once and then left, or those who came back without an emoji: i see you, and thank you for interacting with me!

and then to anyone who i haven't called out—all of my lovely supporters, beloved yena's fairies, thank you! i see you all, and i'm so grateful for all your love and i'll look to repay it in kind with much more content to be released next year. 2024 has been a busy year, both personally and for fairyhaos, and i'm where i am right now because of all of you.

happy new year everyone, and i hope you're all nothing but happy and healthy in 2025 💗

[toxinoire]

Just...something that popped into my brain as I remember seeing quite a bunch of people saying "Would You Fall In Love With Me Again (Epic the Musical) but it's Gelphie" so....

Booksical verse.

Elphie returns to Oz specifically to see Glinda (they're like 40-50 smth for this little oneshot, so whether or not Liir is nearby is for y'all to decide)

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is it you?" Glinda is rooted on her spot, the only thing Elphaba sees moving are her hands, which are shaking. "Dear Oz, have my prayers actually been answered, or am I dreaming?" Glinda breathes out.

Elphaba takes one step forward. "Glinda...you look different."

"Do I?" She chuckles.

Elphaba nods. "Your eyes look tired. Your frame is lighter...and your smile's torn."

"Yours too, you know?" Glinda responds, finally moving from her spot to stand closer. "Is...is it really you?"

"I don't know how to answer that." Elphaba admits, her smile falling a little. "So much has happened...the Elphaba you met at Shiz and the one you saw before we parted...she's not me anymore. I am not the one you had adored."

Glinda lets out a huff. "You say that as if change isn't inevitable. I'm no longer those versions of me either." A shaky exhale follows. "I'm more similar to The Wizard than ever."

"I told you to not ruin your reputation, Glinda. I made you promise it." Said Elphaba. "And by doing you restored the Animal Rights at Oz. The Wizard had simply cared for his power, but you're actually figuring our how to utilize your power to make Oz better. You managed to make good, even if it is a slow process."

"I did that to honor you." Said Glinda. "This was your cause. I might have restored their rights, but it was you who made me understand."

"Yes...but it cost too much." Elphaba sighs. "I mean, the Animal Resistance...I've done too much." She holds up a hand, staring at her palm, she Elphaba once again sees all the chaos she has caused. What she's destroyed. People she left behind.

"I've figured." Said Glinda.

Elphaba sighs. "Would you accept me if I told you everything? Would you let me be yours again?"

That kiss resurfaces in Elphaba's mind. Oh how it felt so right, and even if the situation was wrong, it still feels right. She'd love to do it again, but hope is something she's never held onto.

The one time she did led to disaster.

"Elphaba..." Glinda sighs. "Oh getting through your thick skull is just as hard as it had always been. You know, I still manipulate to get my way, I deceived tons of people. I still let myself become this. This necessary evil to actually try to do something."

"Necessary evil?" Said Elphaba. "You mean wanting good but knowing that opposing sides still will make it hard that you have to result to more calculated measures that involve balancing morality and strategy to keep peace and stability? Glinda, that's just politics."

"Yet I still held out for you." Glinda responds.

"Me? I am the last person you should do that for, Glinda." Elphaba feels a lump grow in her throat as she remembers all she's done, believing that it was a means to an end. Nearly killing an entire crowd of children with a bomb...how she had bees sting a man to death that his corpse is unrecognizable...the whole affair with Fiyero... "It is foolish of me to even ask, naive of me. But please just answer me, if you knew it all, would you let me be yours again?"

Elphaba takes a deep breath.

"I am not the Elphaba you think you're honoring, Glinda." A shaky exhale escapes her. Suddenly, her vision blurs, all she can see and hear are people's screams, fire, bombs, Fiyero, Liir, the monastery, she sees red on her hands that don't go with the green.

"Then tell me, what kinds of things did you do?"

"There are stains of blood on my hands, Glinda. A few souls are still too much." Elphaba swallows as she forces herself to continue. "I've treated people like pawns." Liir's face briefly appears in her mind. "I hurt more lives than I can count on my hands." She sees Fiyero, she sees her classmates at Shiz, she sees those children she nearly killed.

She sees Glinda.

"So please, just answer the question I asked you, so I know whether to leave or stay. Would you let me be yours again, Glinda? I can't undo all of those things. I am not the Elphaba you knew." Elphaba's voice breaks at the last word.

Glinda remains silent.

The silence scares Elphaba more than she can admit.

Glinda walks over to the Grimmerie, where Elphaba's old hat is placed.

Elphaba has not seen that in years.

The hat had been special to her, even if it was originally given as a prank. There was a reason she brought it with her the day they went to Emerald City when they were young. There was a reason she still kept it even when she was doing all those horrendous acts.

Her cloak is hanging off her shoulders, the same one Glinda had given her that day she flew on her broomstick. She treasures this dearly, she never lets it away from her hands.

And now, she sees the hat again.

"I see." Glinda says as she picks up the hat. She turns back to Elphaba. "Nice cloak."

Elphaba says nothing, wraps the cloak more snugly around her.

Glinda tosses the hat onto the ground by Elphaba's feet.

Confusion fills Elphaba, she looks at Glinda, who has an oddly calm expression. "Huh?"

"If you are telling the truth," Glinda steps back. "Do me a favor." She gestures to the hat on the floor. "You can still do magic, I know that. Let my mind rest. Burn the hat. And once you're done, do the same to the cloak."

Elphaba staggers back as if she has been slapped, one hand clutches the cloak on her shoulders. "How could you say this..?"

Glinda, eerily, stays silent.

"Both of these are from you. There was a reason I held onto them so dearly, Glinda. Even if the hat had been a joke in the beginning, even if the cloak had been on our first goodbye, I held onto them." Elphaba scoffed. "These may seem like a brand or whatever to everyone else, but to us both of these basically the symbol of our bond!"

Panic rose to Elphaba's chest when Glinda remains still. "The hat was there when we first danced at the Ozdust, how we dreamt of a future together in Emerald City, even if didn't happen the way we hoped! The cloak, Oz, Glinda, this may seem small, but it was so much more than just a parting gift! Do you realize what you have asked me?!" She steps forward, her voice rising even more. "I cannot burn these! These are basically symbols of us!"

Elphaba exhaled sharply as she finished speaking.

Then, Glinda steps forward and matches her tone. "Only Elphaba knew that, then I guess that makes her you!"

Elphaba stills. "Glinda..."

"Elphaba, when I thought you died, I didn't mourn who I thought you were. I mourned you. Do you understand that?" Glinda walks closer until the only thing standing between them is the hat. " You. Answer me this, now that I became what you used to fight, do you no longer want me in your life?"

"You know I didn't leave you because I no longer want you." Said Elphaba, her voice lowering drastically that it could almost be a whisper.

"I know. You stupid witch, I know." Said Glinda. "How about now?"

"I didn't allow myself to return to Oz to reject you. I don't care about that, I just want to be with you again!"

"Exactly my point!" Glinda's voice rises again. "You think I don't want the same!? It's been years! We've both changed, Elphaba! We were bound to change!" She grabs Elphaba's collar. "There is no world I can imagine where I will not want you, you idiot. No matter the tragedies, I will accept you, I will still adore you. I don't care how, where, or when! No matter how long it's been! Asking me if to let you be mine again implies that you stopped being mine and I stopped being yours!"

Elphaba sees tears form in Glinda's eyes. Elphaba has not cried in years, it is hard for her to cry in general. But if she can, she probably would be crying too.

"Don't you dare tell me you're not the same person." Glinda's grip on her collar loosens a little, but she still holds on tight. "You are still the girl I shared a room with, danced with. You are always my Elphie."

The nickname makes Elphaba let out a shaky gasp. How long has it been?

Glinda's tears fall. "And I'm still yours, right?"

That isn't even in question. "Of course."

"See, now we've both asked ridiculously stupid questions."

"You have done so twice."

"Oh hush." Glinda chuckles breathlessly, making Elphaba chuckle too.

"I have been haunted by you." Elphaba says softly. "In dreams."

"You do the same to me." Glinda whispers. "I don't know why I've been waiting, but I have."

"Glinda..."

For the first time in years, Elphaba feels the familiar, yet strangely new sensation of warmth in her eyes. Tears.

"I've been waiting for you." Glinda lets go of Elphaba's collar to wipe her own tears. Her teeth halfway gritted, she says, "Even if everything else told me not to. I still..."

"Glinda..." She says her name again.

As Elphaba's tears fall as well, she steps aside in order to not step on or kick the hat, and wraps her arms around Glinda. Oz, it's so familiar yet so new. She buries her face in her shoulder, as Glinda's arms encircle her as well.

Both of them are holding on so tightly, as if afraid the other will go. And honestly, that is true, as both were afraid of how much they changed. Except it seems, as Elphaba realized, Glinda had been more at peace with the change she's been through, unlike her.

She can't erase what she's done, and she will forever be haunted by it.

But...

She's still Elphaba.

And she's still Glinda's, no matter what happened, and no matter what happens.

Though her hands are stained with red, though there is destruction that follows her feet, these are the same hands that held Glinda's, the same feet that danced with her in the Ozdust.

For the first time in years, Elphaba feels peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope whoever read this liked it :)

Maybe I'll post this in ao3 if people here like it.

[skellycrows]

dp x dc (dead tired/brain dead)

One of my favorite things in fiction is combining my favorite characters with some sort of occult or eldritch horrors or whatever and torturing them. Surprised it took this long for it to really click that with dpxdc that's Very Easy to do.

So picture little Tim, post Jason's death, coming to the realization that Batman needs his Robin back. That his hero is suffering and making others suffer and Tim is the only one that's paying attention, the only one that can do something about it. Nevermind that he's just a kid- he shoulders the responsibility without even blinking.

Except that instead of demanding the Bruce makes him Robin, he chooses to bring Batman's Robin back.

Tim using the resources provided by his wealth to research the occult, deals, summoning's. Tim painstakingly gathering the materials, searching for the best ways to make it safe, to make it work.

And when everything is ready and he goes through with it, trembling but steadfast with that stubborn determination that refuses to die, he summons the ghost king himself-

When all is said and done, Tim has lost rights to his own soul, unconscious on the floor, and Dark Pariah has revived Jason in his grave.

Except, being unconscious, Tim doesn't make it to check the grave before Jason has clawed his way out and be taken in by the league of assassins. Because yeah, Pariah Dark agreed to bring him back to life, but the deal didn't specify that he had to give him his full faculties back.

And after that, it follows canon- Tim becomes Robin, partially to save Batman, but also so he can more easily search for Jason. He doesn't tell anyone what he did- how is he supposed to explain that he sold his soul away for a boy he never met? And everyone knows Bruce isn't the fondest of this stuff being in Gotham. And then, when bonds and relationships are built, it becomes more that he knows how it would hurt them to know that he did that, to know that he doomed himself, to know that Jason was alive and he didn't tell them.

Except maybe all this with the added sting of the deal having changed something fundamentally in Tim. It made him uncanny, tainted his soul (not his, not anymore-) made him different. He moves a bit too quietly, heals a bit too quickly, handles pain a bit too readily. Maybe he's too pale and thin, even when he builds muscle and eats healthily. Maybe he can stay up for days on end, or when he gets mad his voice distorts, his eyes just barely tinge green.

Or maybe that's just the criminal's imagination acting up. its Gotham, after all.

And then his parents die.

And by the time the Red Hood shows up, Tim has all but given up, accepted that he sold himself off for nothing, only for the reveal to slap him in the face. And he's pissed. And he's hurt, and he's relieved and-

He's mostly traumatized because what the fuck Jason, you don't fit in that damn Robin suit anymore Jesus Christ.

Tim doesn't really know what to do, if he should tell anyone that he's the cause of this, because at this point he feels like explaining would be the equivalent of tearing an organ from his body.

And then Damian shows up. And then Bruce dies. And then Robin, the role he never really wanted but is now all that he really has gets taken from him, and he goes on his trip to prove Bruce is alive and save him, and really, he's too busy to think about how he sold his soul.

While all this is happening, Danny has taken over the throne of the ghost king, and is slowly working through all the legal bullshit he inherited and all the souls that he now apparently owns??? And while dealing with it all he eventually lands upon a contract made with a thirteen year old and really, that's just not fair, he'll have to look into it when he gets the chance.

So, after everything, when Tim finally gets the chance to settle down into his life again, he's down in the Batcave, working on a case late into the night, only for all the very expensive tech to start glitching, the air to get colder.

He, of course, turns around to see a boy. The boy is a bit taller than Tim, but thinner, more lanky. He floats in the air, snow white hair and glowing green eyes- the whole eye, pupil and sclera colored as well.

And Danny is terrifying and he is beautiful in that terror, uncannily sharp features and pale clear skin, a crown atop his head and a ring upon his finger. He's off putting in a way that defies explanation, in a way that makes shivers run down Tim's spine despite his years of experience, the sheer weight of his presence implying a being that's powerful beyond Tim's comprehension.

Danny, meanwhile, is just frowning at Tim, because-

"How the hell did Pariah manage to fuck up a simple deal? You have ectoplasm, dude. Have you died, before?"

Tim just blinks at him, because okay, the terrifying person that somehow got in the Batcave without setting off any sensors sounds like a teenage boy. Sure. Why not.

"What the hell is ectoplasm?"

[oh-no-its-bird]

Ok so, bringing this back actually (shout out to @rosyhatake for making me remember this exists w their comments just now)

Ok but no bc now I'm thinking about Tobirama struggling to figure out what the FUCK kinda relationship he's supposed to have with Minato and Kushina as Kakashi.

He goes to dinner with them and Kushina goes, "I told you to call me Kushina-neechan, didn't I? ;)" @ him, which she's been trying to tease him into calling her for YEARS— only Tobirama goes ahead and calls her neechan and suddenly the entire table just. Falls silent.

Kushina starts to tear up a little and Tobirama scrambles to figure out what the fuck he did wrong, bc she literally told him to call her that???? Should he have not have???? Was it a trap??????????

(In the background, Minato is wilting like an overwatered plant bc Tobirama has been calling him Hokage-sama all dinner)

Umm Butsama just kind of being an asshole and Tobirama getting to experience the joy of a good family in Kushina and Minato. He misses Hashirama but he's also getting to learn what it's like to have a big sister (and whatever Minato is)

Minato giving Tobirama silly fluffy missions is also extra fun bc like. Kakashi probably wouldn't have been fooled by these so called "important duties", but Tobirama would be even more unimpressed bc he doesn't fucking know Minato. There's none of the respect and dependence and history there between them. There isnt even the basic "you are my Hokage" loyalty there bc Tobirama is new to the idea of a Hokage ad a whole

So while Kakashi may have been dumped with a mission of taking care of a litter of puppies and went ",,,,this is fucking stupid but it's what my Hokage commands. I guess."

Tohirama is dumped with a mission of taking care of a litter of puppies and just. Gives Minato a disbelieveing, judgmental stare. Is this seriously what he does in his free time...? Chichuie would lose his mind if Tobirama ditched training to take care of a litter of puppies while on the clock

Thinking also. The summoning contracts being linked to their souls, and both Kakashi and Tobirama having their contracts at this point.

Tobirama tries to summon his snow leopards and they arrive confused and angry, bc a) who is this brat, who smells so strongly of Hatake dogs, and b) Tobirama's been dead for decades, so they ain't buying his story that easy

Meanwhile Kakashi tries to summon Pakkun, but he hasn't been born yet— so he gets dumped into the wolves summoning realm. Oops!! Idk where that'd go specifically, but like kid Kakashi in Tobirama's body getting a big ass wolf summon on loan maybe?

What if he finds Sakumo's old wolf summon when young,,, ooo that could be fun,, they wouldn't remember Kakashi, and also probably wouldn't know Tobirama— but let's go with half Hatake Tobirama here, so they smell Hatake on Kakashi and kinda pick him up by the scruff bc of it.

Oooo on that note actually: Kakashi being able to learn ab the Hatake clan while they're still strong and prevelant (which also kinds contrasts Tobirama learning ab the Uchiha which is fun)

To those who know ah my Hatake ocs, including the timeline I usually work off of, Tobirama is actually directly related to Kakashi— which also maybe plays into why this body switch happened to begin with —Tobirama's mother was the twins sister of Kakashi's grandmother, Hatake Haruka

So like. Kakashi getting to meet his grandmother for the first time ever— who also already knows and has a relationship with Tobirama, which adds even more drama bc Kakashi is tripping over his feet trying to play it cool as he "introduces" himself to his grandmother.

And Haruka is looking at him like ??? What the fuck got into her nephew ??? Did u eat something weird Tobirama? Are you sick? Should she be worried?

But just. Kakashi learning about his clan and getting to meet and interact with members he never even knew existed. Could be cute

I have a couple more vague thoughts (rin being around / izuna interactions / kakashi and his doomed quest to save uchihs lives / someone mentioned obito ghost marriage which could be interesting / just in general the thought of Tobirama trying to piece together who tf Obito was, to give his eye to a non Uchiha / etc.)

But I'll leave it here for now

Body swap through time Kakashi and Tobirama at like, ages 12/13ish

Kakashi wakes up as Senju Tobirama at the height of the Uchiha/Senju conflicts

Tobirama wakes up as Kakashi in the lead up to the Kyuubi incident

They're actually alarmingly similar in skill level and personality, so they're able to get away with the switch on a surface level, even to those who know them well. But problems very quickly arise when it comes to fighting or anything that requires knowledge of history

""Tobirama"" taking to the field with a totally different skill set and jutsus than he's ever used before (Izuna is taken so off guard, it gets bad, fast)

""Kakashi"" suddenly does not seem to respond to any ANBU signals or codes, and where as before he was a shoe in for becoming an ANBU captain he suddenly seems to be fucking up at every other opportunity. You'd think the guy WANTS to lose his job with how suddenly awful at it he is, but he's Kakashi. There is no world where that kid fucks anything up on purpose

They're both definatley in a "holy shit I can NOT tell anyone ab this" position— Kakashi would probably be fr killed as an imposter, and while Tobirama would probably be ok (especially since Minato would be in charge of his detainment n stuff) he doesn't know that?? As far as he's aware, he is in enemy territory and will act accordingly.

Kakashi doesn't know how tf to interact with Tajima or Hashirama, but especially Tajima. He probably uses the wrong forms of address for people bc Tobirama uses more old fashioned honorifics than Kakashi is used to (Anija/Chichuie vs Nii-san/Otou-san)

Kakashi refusing to kill Uchiha bc like, village loyalty fuck you. Also just in general he probably has feelings ab killing anyone with a sharingan on multiple levels. But not just not killing them but going out of his way to help— these aren't his Uchiha, yeah, but it definatley fucks him up to see ANY uchiha die when all his life Uchiha = konoha = his people

Oooo, Kakashi instinctivley channeling chakra through Tobirama's eye after a solid couple years of getting used to the sharingan, possibly accidentally doing,,, something there. Idk what tho but SOMETHING

Meanwhile Tobirama is in that stupid fucking village of his brothers (that he will not shut up about, especially at that specific age) and its???? Real??????? It worked?????????? Huh.

He's surrounded by Uchiha and can't find any Senju (Tsunade just left the village rip Tsunade) but if he investigates it looks like the Senju died out naturally? Impossible, it has to be some kind of Uchiha plot—!

Hes also struggling to come to terms with there being a STOLEN SHARINGAN IN HIS FUCKING EYE !!!!!!!! Made extra super fucked up by the difference in intense hatred and taboo of bloodline theft in modern/warring era (with it being even more taboo in the warring states, like THE ultimate evil to any shinobi)

Maybe he, as Kakashi, is supposed to go to like special Uchiha class where they teach him ab the Uchiha n stuff bc of the eye, and Tobirama is sitting there eating all this shit UP (enemy intel!!!) But also, like, lowkey brainwashed kid brought up to do nothing but kill this one specific group of people, literally being forced to at least pretend to embrace their culture. He's in such a unique position to learn from and about them, and it'll probably end with him being some kind of sympathetic.

It helps that in modern Konoha, where the Uchiha may be considered overly traditional/religious, that's actually just Tobirama's normal. So there's also this added layer of "being around the Uchiha feels the closest to home / least strange than being around literally anyone else" which just pisses him off even more tbh

I'm tempted to say that somehow Rin is still alive just so I can have that one specific Rin and Kakashi queerplatonic codependent relationship from my other post, and then Rin being the one to finally notice that Kakashi isn't Kakashi anymore

Both Tobirama and Kakashi kind of piecing together the life stories of each other, immersed in eachothers histories and paths without ever directly interacting even once. Constant wonderings ab what the other boy was like / might do here, and if they're really so similar that no one has noticed the switch and all those implications (bc on one hand, that's good!! But on the other hand uhh— has anyone at home noticed...? Bc if not, fucking ow??? But also like, probably for the best tbh.)

[dark-bakura1]

Okay lovelies, now that the year is almost over and there are only a few hours left, I have to use this time to get something off my chest. It's just been on my mind for a while and I want to end the year with a few nice words.

When I found my way into the DCA fandom by coincidence last year, I never expected to find a digital place where I feel so comfortable - besides various communities in the horse art role play game, in which I have been more or less active for years. I never expected to start REALLY enjoying drawing again, but these two characters just made that happen. For years I've been drawing just thinking about how many points I can get out of leveling my horses, how much effort I have to put into an event picture to have a chance at one of the top three places and somewhere along the way I totally forgot to have fun with this hobby. Fun has turned into a compulsion to always aim for the best possible result. I started to overthink pictures for so long and wanted to create something so complex that I ended up not starting at all: Because I could never have realized it the way it looked in my head.

But since I stumbled into the DCA fandom myself - by pure coincidence, I'd like to say again - and started being active on Tumbr, I've found my way back to the 'origin' for myself: Having fun with what you do. This fandom has captivated me so much that I started reading English fanfiction about our two beloved robots - something I NEVER thought would happen. Simply because my concentration is totally limited and it's hard enough for me to read and understand texts in German. For me, it was never even conceivable that I would read something in a language that is not my mother tongue: And now here I am, doing it more often than I thought. Not only that, I've even started writing again myself, have an account on ao3 and upload stories there myself. I take the trouble to write, translate, proofread and upload things… and some people even think it's really great :3

And do you know why? Because behind the DCA fandom there is an incredibly large group of people like me: Who carry around a lot of problems themselves and seek refuge with two fictional characters in a fandom that is incredibly cozy, understanding, lovable and friendly. Of course, I could also create things in a fandom that isn't that… but for me it makes an incredible difference. I have an anxiety disorder around people. Even the monthly supermarket shop is a huge challenge for me. Every trip out the door is exhausting and I don't really have contact with anyone in RL. I have my mother and grandma. I go to the doctors, to Ergo therapy and I have BEWO people on hand to support and help me… but I don't have any friends. Not because I don't want to, but because friendships are incredibly stressful for me. I can't maintain them. I haven't said a word to the person I would most likely call a 'friend' in a year - because I simply don't have the strength. Talking, listening, reacting… it's all incredibly exhausting for me. But as soon as I open Tumblr and especially Discord, I see a bunch of great people. I can join in if I can and want to, but I don't have to. And to top it all off, I see so much self-insert stuff that makes me think, 'Man, you're not so alone after all' - and on top of that, even more people who also think it's good and can relate. I know that not everyone in the DCA fandom is so nice either, but the ones I've had the privilege of getting to know are just balm for my soul.

If someone had told me at the beginning of 2023 that I would find my way into a great fandom with even better people at the end of the same year, I would have declared them crazy. I don't have it in for people and since I've almost exclusively had really shitty experiences so far, they're welcome to stay far away from me. Most of them have expectations: Expectations that I can hardly, if at all, fulfill. But there are so many great people behind Sun and Moon who are simply supportive. Not toxic, not mean, not patronizing. No. They are people who are super wholesome. I don't need someone who pushes me, teaches me, corrects me or otherwise wants to educate me with phrases that they themselves don't live by. I don't want someone who puts even more pressure on me. I want people with whom I feel safe and comfortable. people with whom I can get what other people don't want to give me. When I think that I didn't like Sun or Moon in the game, I find it amazing that they are now my refuge and straighten me out mentally so many times a day. And thanks to them, I found you. Yep - YOU. Anyone who wants to may now feel addressed. Even if we've certainly never had any contact with each other: You are part of the community that I have come to love and that I am addressing here. There is so much hate, I love a Safespace that simply has love for everything and everyone. I've been here for a year now… and I hope for MANY more years with one of the greatest communities I've ever been a part of.

Hugs to ALL of you, lots of love goes out to everyone. Happy New Year, stay healthy and I wish you and your loved ones all the happiness in the world. Thank you for existing and just being amazing people. please keep that forever <3

[deesseshesca]

PAC : How will your pregnancy go ? (18+)

Just reminder ... that ... I AINT THE ONE !

PERSONAL READING (SALE) (LINK)

FIRE TO THE MOON

FUTURE LOVE + SEX DOUALA = 40$ (2for1)

DOWN TO MY CORE

CHARACTER UPDAPTE + LORE DUMP = 40$ (2for1)

PILE 1

SONG : THAT GUY - Tyler the Creator

P H Y S I C A L

Chariot, 3 pentacles (reverse)

First thing, first Pile 1,you don’t understand the impact that your pile had on me. When you are going to be pregnant you are still going to achieve everything you set for yourself with great happiness. You are going to be so lucky pregnant, you have no idea. Everyone that will rub your stomach, if you allow it, will whisk a bit of luck their way. All this because you understood a very important soul lesson from the very beginning of the journey. Your breast is going to be so full, y’all may jump 2 cups bigger but Lord are they going to be extremely sensitive. Your nipples are always going to be hard. Y’all we suffer from extreme hunger (that’s what I call it) like if you don’t eat, you will actually lose your mind. The uber better not be late because you will blow up their phone with no shame. The craving are so weird and are not just in the privacy of your house, you will have the audacity to ask restaurants to fix their dishes to your weird liking. If a restaurant refuses to change, then you are leaving and throwing a fit in your car until the next food stop. You guys may develop asthma in your pregnancy or have frequent asthma attacks. When I make a list of everything that’s going to happen to you, you may look at your screen with a stank face. The reality is you are not going against your body. You know it is useless. You know there's a price to pay for everything and you are ready to pay the price necessary for your ultimate miracle. You don’t hate your body nor do you get mad at yourself for reacting. There's no such a thing as over-sensitivity or over-reacting, there's no such thing as too intense or moody or even too horny. Everything is good to create the greatest gift given to you. You don’t waste your time comparing, hating or sad, you prefer finding innovative ways to deal with your sensitive tits, your food cravings and bad breathing habits. Breaking any obstacles in our way, achieving so much and radiating love every step of the way. 

L I F E S T Y L E 

Devil (reverse), knight of wands 

You have an extremely cut-throat energy with people around you. You won’t mind blocking anyone that does not understand your boundaries. No warning, they fuck up, bye bye. People that didn't support you during pregnancy but are trying to find their way in when the baby is born … are going to hit a closed door. You don’t play this game. From day one, any older person trying to come in and tell you what's up better be ready to be disrespected because you don’t need people's opinion to weigh you down in the most vulnerable moment of your life. The midwife wants to get smart, not only is her access revoked but if you have time you may press charges ( as you should because there are too many mean nurses in this world). Your man is even scared of you as he should. He eats too loud, looks at you the wrong way or even eats something that makes you sick … the lethal tone is coming out. Your tone is so soft but your words actually annihilate. I heard : You: ‘’ Can you please chew even louder maybe then I will found my 14 reasons since you are my 13 one ?’’ all in a calm tone and a killer gaze. 

PREVIOUS READING

2) Wanna know the love story the universe has for you? 💫 In 8 parts, I spill all: first meet, first kiss, confession, sexy time, and more. Don’t miss out! 👀💖 (LINK)

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PILE 2

SONG : Tranquility - Jack Harlow

A completely reading was necessary for you guys. Don't worry, Chérie d'Amour is nothing bad.

Full of love reading

PILE 3

SONG: Hello,Hi - Little Smiz

P H Y S I C A L

8 swords, page of swords (reverse)  

You're going to find out you're pregnant with a sneaky link. You know damn well, they ain't ready for the commitment and so is you. So you are not mad. You are not even stressed when you are going to find out because you know you have options and it’s not really a baby until you choose it to be. You are going to announce it to them and they are going to have a panic attack and still be extremely polite and kind with you while telling you they can’t be a father.  Which you know … you just wanted to tell them. I have a vision of someone sitting in the dark and actually analysing what your life has become. Then suddenly a change of perspective which is weird because you never been nothing but pessimistic in you life. I hear the script of Alice in Wonderland: ‘’ They can always paint them red

What an odd thing to say’’. 

You are going to keep the baby. Is important to note that your finances are excellent, you have your degree, you have your own car, like you are set. The reality is you have been set. The only thing stopping you is yourself and you are going to realize that once again when you are starting to live your dream life. The only reason you are stuck in the same place is because you don’t want to leave. You are like a chain animal. Is not because you cut the chain that they will actually leave. I see you moving, changing jobs, everythings happening quickly and nothing is chaotic. Which makes sense since you have had the plan. You know what to do but you refuse to take the leap for yourself but you did for your child. You will meet somebody new that’s going to be your dream partner. The fact that you are pregnant is a blessing and not a burden. They are going to jump quickly in the father role. Y’all may not live together at first because you will have signed the lease before meeting them but I see an organized agenda regarding the baby. They will stay over for weeks to take care of the baby. The baby will forever know them as their dad. Y’all are going to have an amazing and active sex life. He’s going to put you to sleep. You guys will often fuck twice a day. 

L I F E S T Y L E 

8 pentacles, Hierophant

The reason for why you're having your dream life after a baby or while pregnant is because you are the one late. Life has been waiting for you to make a move. The perfect friend group, the perfect job, the perfect partner, they all came because you made the final decision and followed through with it. So all your blessings are going to fall upon your life at once. You have unlocked a door that’s been waiting for you. That’s why everything goes extremely smoothly. Also there's no self doubt coming from you since you are so focused on creating the perfect cocoon for your bundle of joy. Self doubt breaks the flow of blessings. All’s well that ends well ( tout est bien qui finit bien). 

PREVIOUS READING

2) Wanna know the love story the universe has for you? 💫 In 8 parts, I spill all: first meet, first kiss, confession, sexy time, and more. Don’t miss out! 👀💖 (LINK)

3) For ALL DECEMBER get 2 readings for the price of 1 : LINK

[tinylilacbun]

rafe involuntarily regresses and doesn't know it ‧₊˚ ┊

You are just about to finish your skincare routine when you see your phone light up, wiping your hands on a towel before picking it up, smiling at seeing that its a message from Rafe.

A frown spreads on your face, reading that you both couldn't meet up today because something came up.

Weird. It's unlike him to abruptly cancel your plans since he always looks forward to every second he gets to spend with you, so you're a little concerned that something might be wrong.

He has been under a lot of stress lately, to which he just replied that it's just because of Sarah acting up or some shit, but you know better.

That's how you're now making your short way to Tannyhill, luckily living a few houses away from your boyfriend.

As you round the corner you stop when you hear a familiar voice shouting.

"Please! Sarah, please don't leave, okay?" Rafe calls out desperately, continuing when Sarah stops her bicycle. "Dad's gone. And now it's just...it's you, me, and Wheezie."

"What's the point, Rafe?" Sarah sniffles, trying to keep up a tough facade.

You watch as he approaches to stand in front of her, not being able to make out what they're saying and shocked by what you just heard, Ward is gone?

After a while Sarah simply drives past him and he lifts his hands to fist his hair in frustration, turning to watch his sister leave he catches you standing a few feet away, his hands falling back to his sides.

Walking over to him you see a single tear rolling down his face, picking up your pace you embrace him just in time for him to break down.

He loosely wraps his arms around you, burying his face in your neck and his body trembling slightly as he cries, finally letting out all the pent up emotions he kept sealed for the past weeks.

"He's gone...he-" He chokes on his own words and you shush him softly.

"I'm here, I got you..." You assure him, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "C'mon, let's go inside. Tell me what happened."

Soon you're both cuddled up on his bed. Rafe laying on top of you, using your chest as a pillow while you run a hand through his hair to soothe him as he sniffles, his hands holding onto you for dear life.

"If I wouldn't have...I could have saved him I-" He keeps on rambling over and over again, blaming himself for his father's death.

You sigh heavily, on one side you obviously feel bad for him, not wanting to see the person you love so much pain.

On the other side you can't help but feel a tinge of frustration at how much Rafe cares for his father who didn't even wanted to acknowledge the fact that his son needed help even after he himself told him that he's not well.

He doesn't need to be all big and independent in your eyes. He should get to have someone that listens to him and help him fight his demons, not push him away and tell him to 'man up'.

"You're not alone, baby...I'm here for you, always." You hum, your nails softly scratching the back of his head to the nape of his neck, pressing a kiss to his hair.

He adjusts his position to be able to look up at you with glassy eyes, the tiniest pout on his face as he blinks at you. "M'scared..."

"Scared? Of what?" You ask, your voice soft and like balm to his soul.

"This- This feelin'." He mumbles, his grip on your shirt tightening momentarily. "I jus'...feel so small? I dunno, you make me feel safe and- and taken care of."

Your eyes widen a tad, your hands not stopping their comforting gestures. You've noticed for a while that Rafe seems to slip into some kind of subspace? But not exactly what you would expect.

His speech slurs and he won't let go of you, not even for longer than a minute, almost whimpering when you would pull away.

He reminds you of this sweet little boy he was when you both were younger and playing or fooling around in figure eight.

"It's okay, don't worry about anything right now. Just relax." You smile at him, cupping his cheek with your hand, caressing his cheek with your thumb as he nuzzles more against you, craving your comfort.

Whatever this is he seems to slip into, you're there for him, always. You love Rafe with your whole heart and would do anything to make him feel cared for.

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse

@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu @mylettterstoyou @sunf1ower16 @sweetstars-posts @rafecameronsloverrrrr @rafenroostersgirl

For Rafe:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity @erikasurfer

[stayandot8]

Dreams

Genre: fluff

Relationship type: bsfriend!Chan x fem reader

Important Contents: it came to me in a dream, what can I say.

WC: 1k

masterlist

It was one of those dreams again.

I came to my senses always before I wanted to. Right when the dream was getting good, I would become very aware that there was a bright light coming from somewhere, a window maybe. My next notion was that my blankets were too hot; my fan wasn’t quite doing its job. Sucky fan. 

Yet another dream about finding the love of my life with blackish-brown hair, a big smile, and a laugh that filled your soul. This one felt so real though. We had been in this big house with all of his friends and my friends and they were desperate to see us get together and of course, all of the attempts were obvious. The boy was blushing so hard his ears turned red, but he never asked them to stop. My friends were doing everything they could to clear a room for us. I tried to shoot them pleading looks all night but to no avail.

It felt earlier than normal. I was certain my alarm would go off any second now to pull me away from this happy middle ground I was in the middle of. It was such a nice dream that I thought if I could just drift off again, I could go back to it. But the blankets were too hot, my breathing was too shallow, and I felt myself slowly rise from that dreamland, probably never to be found again.

But things were different. 

Outside of my consciousness, the air around me was off. The familiar scent of my bedroom wasn’t filling my nostrils like it should have. No, instead, the smell of something…edible…

It was still a struggle to open my eyes. A blur, everything blurred together and I couldn’t see straight. That’s what I blamed it on, anyway. Because there was no way that most of the stuff in my bedroom was black. And where did those LED lights come from? Where is my phone? Whose fucking house am I in??

A knock on the door brought my bleariness to full alert. And then that boy that I had been dreaming about came through the door. Eyes soft, black hair with some curls poking through, and a soft smile that made my heart jump. He was bringing a plate of something over to the bed that I was laying on, face-first into a pillow. 

“Hey, sunshine.” 

I grumbled something incoherent. 

“Tough night, huh?”

I furrowed my brows, and looked at him through my smushed face. Huh?

“What are you on about, Bang?” 

“You crashed pretty hard last night. You would barely move off the couch.”

“Then how did I get here?”

“I had to carry you so you wouldn’t get a crick in your neck.” His laugh squeaked out of him. “After everyone left, you passed out.”

“How drunk was I?”

“You started renaming all of our Skzoos. What does that tell you?”

I chuckled at the memory that was then coming back to me. “Oh yeah. Leebitch.”

“You named Bbokari ‘Dinner’, which was very creative by the way. Felix is waiting for your apology. And that was just the start.” He laughed. “You tried to draw vampire teeth on WolfChan before I took the marker away from you.”

I scoffed. “You should see what Stay says about that music video, vampire man.” He squeaked out another laugh.

“Oh, I know.” A pause as he looked over at me, in his bed. A question came to mind. 

“If I slept here, where did you sleep?”

“You wouldn’t let me leave. You have an iron grip when you’re drunk. I couldn’t even get up to brush my teeth.” 

“Which I bet was the first thing you did this morning, wasn’t it.”

“...Maybe.” He handed me the plate of kimchi stir fry he had brought and settled on the empty side of the bed. “So…do you remember what happened last night?”

My fork froze mid-air. “Uhm…Not really. Fill me in?” I said, staring at the plate. 

“Everyone was teasing you about me. Any ideas why?”

“Did Minho make this? Because it’s really good.” I scarfed down more so my mouth was full.

“After your conversation with Felix, everyone made themselves scarce. Which was convenient, I thought, considering your plan.”

I swallowed. “Plan? What plan?” I braced, unsure if I wanted to hear my drunken foretellings of what I had wanted to go down last night. I had an inkling of course, given my hidden undying love for the boy sitting in front of me but would I say that out loud?

“Your plan to get me to fall in love with you after everyone leaves.”

Shit. Yes, yes I would say it out loud. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

I snorted, trying to let my attempt at ease become real.

“Now why would I say a thing like that? That’s…crazy, Preposterous, even. That’s sooo unlike anything I would ever say.”

“Oh yeah?” Chris raised his eyebrows at me, peering at me like I had stolen something. That shut me up. I just stared at him. 

“Why are you not freaking out?”

“Because your plan worked.”

I choked on the rice. After a serious coughing fit and the tears stopped welling up, it was all I could do to continue to stare blankly at him and just say “What?”

“Dude. I’ve been in love with you for several months now.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been professed to while it is being proceeded by the word ‘dude’.” He just kept laughing. 

“Sorry, it slipped out. But I mean it.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just stared. 

“You can keep staring at me after you take a shower, I promise.”

That broke me of my stupor. 

“Did you just tell the love of your life that she smells?”

“Who said you’re the love of my life?” He called over his shoulder, heading to the bathroom. 

“I believe I did. Just now.” Climbing out of bed was a struggle, but the giddyness of the events that had just unfolded was enough motivation. “Are you joining me in this shower?”

“Maybe!”

[respectthepetty]

12 Anticipated Thai BLs for 2025

As usual, I'm excited for ALL the GLs (Cranium, Only You, 3 Minutes 2 Love, Reverse with You, Buy My Boss, Let's Kick this Love, No Romeo, and so many more!), but I'm making my annual list of the BLs I'm excited for this year with brief reasons why I'm looking forward to them, and it includes some I've previously mentioned in my GMMTV 2025 Hot Tops. However, I must first look back at my 2024 list and see if those BLs were worth my anticipation:

The Next Prince - I still haven't gotten it, so 2025 better be the year!

Jack & Joker: U Steal My Heart - Great! Amazing! Loved it!

Spare Me Your Mercy - We don't talk about her.

Wandee Goodday - I have my issues, but it was a fun ride. *wink*

Choco Milk Shake 2 - The production team said it was never planned, you know, like a liar.

Time of Fever - Beautiful! Astounding! I NEED MORE!

My Doctor/Mr. Doctor - I'm probably never getting it. I need a moment to collect myself.

Live in Love - I was only showing up for the colors, and it delivered them plus a lot more crazy nonsense.

Red Peafowl - It was all a lie, and apparently we are never getting it.

Love Upon a Time - I don't want to talk about what happened, but I better get it this year!

Love Puzzle - Probably not getting it, and I'm not okay about it.

Peaceful Property - Fantastic! Divine! Best thing I watched this year!

Sunset x Vibes - I showed up for MosBank, and I got MosBank, so I was thrilled!

The Heart Killers - I'm having the time of my life!

Bonus: Your Dear Daddy - WHERE IS MY MAN FLUKE?! GIVE HIM TO ME RIGHT NOW!

Now time for this year's list!

Honorable Mention: MosBank & JoongDunk

I will show up every year excited about the same thing — my ships! I'm getting Joong and Dunk in Dare You to Death if they don't get divorced before then, and I'm getting Mos and Bank in Be My (Soul)Mate if they aren't busy planning a wedding by then. I know JoongDunk's piece is about murders and making out which are two of my favorite things, but I don't even know what the plot is for MosBank's series because all I know is it isn't Big Dragon 2, but it doesn't matter anyway since I'm always happy to see my favorites!

A Dog and a Plane

2024 came for my throat and my heart with some really heavy shows, and in comparison to the rest of this list, I'm banking on this show to be my one bright spot in 2025. I need at least one show to make me laugh while it's ripping out my heart, and I think this is the show for the job.

Goddess Bless You From Death

This show scares me, and it might give me nightmares, but it involves murders and making out, so I'm effing with los espookys for this one. Y'all can have Khemjira though. I ain't that brave.

My Sweetheart Jom

Saint, in a BL again. That's it. That's the reason.

Memoir of Rati

I expect only happy endings from GMMTV, but I'm worried about this one's ending, yet I must see what happens. It has history, politics, and class dynamics, so as much as I'm happy to see Great, Inn, Aou, and Boom in this, I'm also very nervous.

Love Carved in the Moonlight

It seemed like poly was a possibility, which I know is a lie, but also, this looked beautiful, and I'm not just referring to the men. It's another period piece, so I might just be in for a Thai history lesson in 2025.

I'm the Most Beautiful Count

People are upset that the pilot trailer seemed to make light of the source material, but I have faith this adaptation will do justice to the webtoon and give us a leading man worth fighting for.

Interminable

I sense a lengthy series brewing from Idol Factory for this one, so I think we might not see it until later this year or 2026, but I also think it will be worth the wait since there's no way Billy and Babe won't make me teary-eyed with a plot like this.

Ticket to Heaven

It involves Catholicism; therefore, it will hurt me. However, as a Catholic, the Church has instilled in me that if it isn't painful, then it isn't good for me, so if the show makes me cry every episode, I think the Church would approve.

Knock Out

It's Gym Bros BL adjacent meaning men will be in a gym, half-naked, and working out, which is good enough for me! Also, they're color coded, so who am I to deny small blessings?

The Wicked Game

We are getting two GLs and a BL about bodyguards falling in love with their clients, but just like all the vampire series we were supposed to get in 2024 yet only got two, I'm wondering who will be first and how they will turn out. I think all of them will be great, but I am especially looking forward to Daou getting bruised up for love.

Love of Silom

Up and Poom were a surprise for me in 2024 with My Stand-In, so from what I know about the plot dealing with a cop and a single dad, I think they will do just as great with their second series as they did with the first. I am patently waiting to be in my feels again because of them.

Me & Who

I need to watch Big kiss men like I need air. I need to watch Big gently place his hand on another man's neck like I need water. I need this show. Now.

Bonus: Mandate

Did anyone watch 2012's Political Animals with Sebastain Stan who played TJ Hammond, the bisexual son of the former President of the United States and the current Secretary of State, who had a secret affair with an older married and closeted US Senator?

Anyone? No?

Well, can I get something similar, Thailand? Is that too much to ask? I don't know, but I'm going to ask for it anyway! Let me have it! Give me what I deserve.