#their fucked up sexy dynamic
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GIVE ME SPRIZZY OR GIVE ME DEATH
#their fucked up sexy dynamic#i need it like i need air#i need izzy to look at lucius like he's going to consume him#i need lucius to swing his butt around and grab that old man by the balls#i need izzy to cry and wail and nut about it#our flag means death#izzy x lucius#izzy hands
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spider-man vs wolverine (1987)
#sci talks comics#yeah. this book is really good.#stands up and applauds#i really like logan and peter's dynamic a lot. just a lot. a whole lot.#them being total opposites in every sort of a way. but not in the ways you think.#logan being seasoned and self-assured and beyond the point of being kept awake by moral questions. he knows what he is.#and peter parker. having no fucking idea what he is. being completely in over his head. and constantly questioning his morals.#into it. i think it's sexy. peter's so. mmgmghgphah in this book. he's a kid. not literally but. you know.#big fan of logan calling him “squirt” and “junior” and at one point “you little snot.”#excellent. 10/10.#also reallu want logan to do that claw thing to me. would pop a stiffy so hard.
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Dungeon Meshi omegaverse headcanons because I can
1) the different human folks have different versions and different degrees but we’re gonna focus on the elves because I want to
2) afab alphas and amab omegas are just a thing that happens, it’s pretty normal and not considered worth commenting on unless you’re really insular, so while there are some sexist stereotypes (like that afab alphas are more attentive parents, although not as good as any omega) it’s not on the “male omega bad” side
It’s about 20% of the alpha/omega population (and betas make up about 60% of the human population so 8% of people total), so not hugely common but way more common than red hair and only a little less than being left handed
Some amab omegas can carry children (especially with magical assistance) and it’s actually a little easier for afab alphas to sire children, since that’s a one time output rather than a prolonged physical process
You also get things like secondary sex homosexuality (alpha-for-alpha gay, ditto omegas) which are basically ignored anyway unless someone’s fussing about bloodlines, and difficult cases like alpha-presenting-omega; an omega who reads like an alpha in scent and all other aspects except when they’re on heat
That’s hard to detect before the cycle actually starts and causes rampant excitement every time, but since alphas being with other alphas isn’t considered noteworthy except in high society, it’s also only a problem around the cycle
3) just like they don’t have sexual dimorphism, there’s no visible external differences between elves in secondary sex either
They’re more about magic than physical force, so you might be able to tell the difference based on their magical specialties (that’s how elves claim they do it but it’s bullshit they are lying)
This often confuses other folks who do; tallmen alphas are physically larger and more muscular (Falin’s an alpha) and omegas are smaller and slimmer, but all the elves are small and slim so tallmen often think they’re all omegas this is not helped by
4) almost all the Canaries are omegas; service is a doubly beneficial arrangement for noble families, who offer their children to show their loyalty just like canon… and to keep inconvenient extra bloodlines from cropping up if those extra omegas have kids
All of the wardens are omegas (except possibly Flamela; this is actually another reason why she’s not allowed into dangerous dungeons) and most of the prisoners are too, although occasionally alphas are allowed to serve
This is not considered a risk because while alphas are more aggressive, elves also consider them less capable leaders since they’re more likely to lose their heads and act rashly when riled up (like when Izutsumi was a kobold from the changelings and had to be stopped from fighting til she died) and just generally less capable, so an alpha convict with their magic bound isn’t considered a serious threat to a capable omega warden
Alphas also don’t necessarily fight to the death, since there’s all the posturing and fighting for position
Elf omegas, on the other hand, will tear your fucking throat out at the first sign of violence because if a fight gets to them it needs to be ended immediately to protect the babies
They have absolutely weaponized this against the demon and the dungeons by intentionally putting their omegas in combat situations
Alpha prisoners are usually only assigned to a single warden for the duration of their service, because they tend to get overprotective of their omega squad-mates and don’t handle personnel shifts well
5) The wardens get sterilized as part of their training, the prisoners are required to be on birth control for the duration of their service but can also request sterilization - birth control’s usually by magical implant so it’s not a huge inconvenience but listen if you want that ute yote it’s yoten
6) Heat cycles absolutely do sync up between themselves and with rut cycles, and the squads get mandatory downtime for a month on either side; luckily they’re elves so they’re on multi-annual cycles rather than seasonal
(Elves who find out how often short-lived omegas go into heat tend to react with shock and sympathy and an immediate “ooooh this is why you die so early”)
(More than one squad have accidentally maimed their alpha if they have a surprise heat)
How a squad handles group heat is up to them, suppressants are part of the basic gear, as are knotting toys, and there’s a whole industry of “heat hotels” where any human single omegas can go to ride out a heat safely either alone with toys or with vetted beta staff (on birth control) of their choosing - the Canaries semi-regularly take them over and occasionally incite orgies because while the heat demands a knot what elves accept as dominance is magical power, not position, so the strongest arcanist in a squad usually reads as an “alpha” to other humans despite their actual sexes
And since there’s no actual rules that omegas can’t hook up for a cycle at the heat house, so long as everyone arrives and agrees before they go into heat it’s a “the more the merrier” situation
They also sync up between different types of humans, but elves sync very slowly and have such long cycles almost no one notices
For no godly reason gnomes sync the fastest but they have relatively mild cycles and don’t seem to mind
Fuck it cycle table:
Dwarves - 6 month cycle - 1 week rut/heat
Elves - 2-3 year cycle - 2 weeks rut/heat
Gnomes - 4 month cycle - 5 days rut/heat
Half-foots(feet?) - 2 month cycle - 3 days rut/heat
Oni - 2 month cycle - 5 days rut/heat
Tall-men - 2 month cycle - 5-7 days rut/heat
7) Mithrun’s squad are extra goddamn protective of him because his cycle also got broken and doesn’t sync properly, but he deadass will not notice when he’s on heat and just continues as usual, while radiating pheromones. He also will not take suppressants any more than he’ll drink or eat
Luckily he also almost never actually goes onto heat, so he just vibes and trains while everyone else is on their heat break and occasionally gets impatient and starts bar fights
Lycion’s been a permanent squad member despite not being an alpha (he’s a beta but the werewolf gets a knot anyway sooooo he’s busy on heat breaks) because he can smell when Mithrun’s going onto heat ahead of time, way before anyone else can
Mithrun’s gone into heat twice since rejoining the Canaries. Cithis, Otta, and Fleki bitch about this constantly with varying degrees of envy, right up until the next time it happens out of the blue and they have to drag his dumb ass out of a dungeon because literally no one was prepared
Otta’s not even an omega she’s a beta too so she uses their heat breaks to flirt with half-foot women which is why she has enough time to date despite being a convict death squad member
(And yeah she’ll “help out” any half-foot lady omegas if they’re not actually already in heat when they arrive at a house the squad’s taken over and can hold a conversation first cuz while technically everyone else can still go through their heat alone and ignore the elves…
Well they’re loud, they’re expansive, Fleki is allergic to personal space, even in heat Cithis has enough top energy to dominate a city block, and Lycion only has one knot and will occasionally need to sleep - more than the heated omegas. They like sharing and there are no consequences provided the hotel has a room big enough)
Fleki will absolutely still use her familiar while she’s on heat and she will not remember to tell anyone she’s doing it, but since she basically just flies away until the next wave demands she get fucked again it’s not all that different from taking a nap from anyone else’s perspective
(Flying in heat is nowhere near as good as flying on shrooms but it does still beat reality)
(Everyone. Everyone has asked her if she’s fucked in the bird. Absolutely everyone. And she never specifies but makes absolutely filthy and biologically unlikely insinuations.
She absolutely did try it once. And since her familiar has genitals at her own discretion, and didn’t google bird genitals before hand, results were Mid)
Cithis has been denied access - or have had people attempt to deny her access anyway - to more than one heat house because absolutely no one who is not an elf believes she’s not an alpha without proof
All the elves have Elf Twink Disease so their alphas aren’t buff and macho anyway and everyone knows it, so her sheer Step On Me Please energy has gotten the whole squad into trouble
(She blatantly refuses to do anything about this and will often make the situation worse for fun or profit until Mithrun tells her to stop)
8) half elves like Marcille have the extremely exciting and unfortunate bonus of potentially being crosses in secondary sex too, just like the non-linear aging - something about the long-lived/shorter-lived magic combo and the elves’ own permutations in particular mean that other human-alpha and elf-beta/omega sometimes happen on the same gene, and other human-omega and elf-beta/alpha is also more likely than elf-alpha and other human-alpha coming together
Some half elves get lucky and get double beta, Marcille did not and got beta-omega (which is at least easier than alpha-omega, the rarest combo but hey if you’re flexible or magically inclined with that one you can kinda just go fuck yourself)
This is why she gets super over-protective of the people she cares about (see: get back in the kitchen while I take over the world), but doesn’t really have any kind of self preservation instincts or a desire not to run face first into danger and explode it
She’s never had a heat cycle and if she’s lucky she might never get one, so long as the beta side stays dominant
But Falin’s an alpha and possibly the person who activated Marcille’s omega side to get that over-protectiveness in the first place, so if (when) they do mate Marcille is gonna learn some fun and exciting things about her body
(Toshiro’s an omega, but his family insisted on raising him like an alpha anyway because Oldest Son. Falin was the one to actually tell him he was an omega, because Maizuru was ordered not to
This is part of why he’s so incredibly jealous of Laios, who is an actual alpha as well as autistic as hell, so Shuro’s not only jealous of his complete disregard for social rules, he’s also exceedingly jealous that all of the “alpha” stuff he has to work incredibly hard to fake comes to Laios completely naturally
Laios had no idea Shuro was an omega at all (possibly Nakamoto family scent blockers, possibly Laios Not Paying Attention) and has actually been idolizing Shuro as the Manliest Best Alpha To Ever Alpha - like all them flashbacks of Shuro standing between downed Laios and danger
Maybe Laios doesn’t find out until after Falin’s revived successfully. It blows his mind. Toshiro weeps in frustration.)
9) fuck it it’s official, alpha Flamela, that’s why her twin was taken (twin was an omega, elves still think alphas are too impulsive and hot headed to rule) and Flamela wasn’t stopped from running off to join the Canaries
They did try to skip the sterilizing step with her, cuz while the coal black skin definitively doesn’t reliably pass from parent to child there’s still a chance her kids would have better odds of inheriting it
Flamela lost her shit when she found out she was being treated differently from other wardens (doing other elven alphas absolutely no favours about that “too impulsive” thing because she genuinely didn’t even notice that what was happening was that she wasn’t being given invasive and permanently life altering often nonconsensual surgery) and threatened to do it to herself if they wouldn’t do her
Someone suggested they fake it, put her under, make the cut, leave everything alone so she just got a scar, someone else pointed out she might be slightly less knife happy afterwards, the smartest person in the room pointed out she would be Exceedingly Fucking Knife Happy if she ever found out and possibly kill them all
She was sterilised at her own insistence but her genetic materials (eggs and sperm why not) were stored rather than discarded in case she changes her mind
This has also alienated her from the other wardens because not only is she the only one who actually volunteered to be a Canary, she volunteered for the whole thing and genuinely doesn’t get why any of them are unhappy about it
Rut isn’t all that fun and she doesn’t think heat sounds good either, since her default position with people is distrust and keeping them at arm’s length, so she always rides hers out alone and assumes others will too - but both sound way way way better to her than having to carry or raise a child
She’s not cruel or aggressive about it but she’s about as tactful as a rhinoceros and just gets loudly confused, so it’s not worth trying to confide in her or bond over the extra level of being discarded by their families
(And since she hates gossip and will aggressively curtail it, she only finds out what anyone else on her squad does for heat if she actually has to help arrange it)
She was so offended to find out she’d still have rut cycles after surgery. The one thing absolutely every other warden can agree with her on
Most elf alphas are actually significantly more level headed and stable than Flamela, she still has her entirely independent emotional baggage but she is what all the elven stereotypes say an alpha is
There’s some real world racist bs about Black women and especially darker skinned Black women being less feminine, but it’s bullshit and fuck that it’s illegal here, alpha women are just a thing that happens and it has nothing to do with gender
Flamela’s not especially feminine either by elf standards, but that’s her decision and she is beauty, she is grace, she will stab you in the face and you’d deserve it if you commented
10) communication pixies are affected by their maker’s heat, but not by getting anything similar themselves; it’s an intentional part of the spell, the pixie gets all sleepy and “drunk” and will not connect any calls without a specific code word, because absolutely no one wanted heat-sex pixie butt dials
This isn’t just an elf thing but it is in the elf-magic version of the spell; if you make a pixie with gnome-magic instead there’s a 75% chance it will also go dozy during your heat buuuuut a 25% chance it just keeps going as normal
General consensus is that the ephemeral will of magic either can’t tell when humans go into heat or considers the occasional magic butt dial necessary to the balance of the universe
A lot of older gnomes just plain don’t care about any of it and think it’s a bit funny when anyone else makes such a big fuss, since it’s just another part of life
(If Falin ever makes a pixie you KNOW it stays active during her rut you KNOW Marcille gets a butt dial dear gods is this how the Farcille confession happens in this AU)
11) orcs and kobolds don’t actually have secondary sexes by dint of not being human (wrong number of bones) and tend to consider the whole thing a little weird, but not their problem
Some orcs suspect the whole alpha-omega thing is why humans get violently territorial for basically no reason, and the sympathetic ones tend to be very gentle with someone once they learn they’re an alpha or omega
Big “oh you poor thing that sounds so difficult, let’s make sure you don’t get over excited” energy
———
I’ll add more later if I come up with anything else, but by all means hop into my sand box and play with anything you like!
A bunch of other characters and their alignments in no particular order:
Kabru - beta, but one of his only decent spells is to fake either alpha or omega pheromones at will. He’ll play any of the roles to get what he wants and what he thinks will serve him best
(He almost always plays omega with elves because 1) they don’t respect alphas the way most other humans do and 2) they’re gonna read him as a child anyway, so having specific “adult” pheromones might occasionally sway them to respect him a little more, but they’re also more likely to subconsciously protect him
He tried alpha on Mithrun when they were alone in the dungeon for all of 15 minutes before determining Mithrun couldn’t tell the difference
(Mithrun could he just doesn’t care))
Namari - alpha, works well with usually being the party tank, but as a dwarf her instincts are more “provide for needs” than “fight off enemies” which is why she loves armour and wants other people to wear it
Senshi - omega, he’s going to see the babies fed by any means necessary (but yeah it’s part of why his mining crew didn’t let him fight the griffin, he hadn’t fully hit his second puberty but they Had Suspicions)
However, since he lived alone most of his life (and was surrounded by alphas before that) he presents almost entirely as an alpha, and unless he hits heat no non-dwarfs will ever notice he isn’t
There’s not a huge difference between dwarf alpha, beta, and omegas anyway, but the alphas tend more towards crafts and making or procuring physical items to see to their loved ones’ needs while the omegas are more focused on acts of service
(Physically they’re just all Like That, like the elves)
Every dwarf who has ever met Senshi clocked him as an alpha in the first five minutes, and clocked him equally hard as an omega ten minutes later and had some mild cognitive dissonance. None of them mention it because that’s Rude
Izutsumi - alpha cat, hates you all
Chilchuck - tallest skinniest half foot omega you ever did see. Has adopted his entire union since he doesn’t see his girls anymore. His wife was a beta and the only reason she got them in the “divorce” was the girls had already moved out
(She moved in with Puckpatti)
Chilchuck is constantly low-grade losing his shit about it
Maizuru - omega, deeply dislikes how Toshiro’s father has treated him and does genuinely believe deep down that an omega like Toshiro might be a better leader specifically because he’s more empathic and considerate than their society’s demanded alpha behaviour
She will be miffed to be told the elves agree with her though
Rin - beta, accidentally presents as an omega because she picked it up in self defence while living with the elves. She does not like it but she does tend to keep herself closed off, avoid skin contact, and comes off as trying too hard not to seem meek, so people with opinions on strangers’ sexes assume she’s an omega who escaped a bad situation
(They’re not fully wrong, she hates that they’re not)
Kaka and Kiki - Kaka’s an omega, Kiki’s a beta but she intentionally presents as an alpha to keep anyone from noticing or saying shit about her brother
If she’s loud and noticeable, they won’t wonder why he’s shyer and quiet
(Kaka 1000% imprinted on Namari the first time she saved his life she is his big strong alpha he is a helpless fucking puppy so even though he’s self conscious about his height he can’t help wanting her to like his legs
Unfortunately for him Namari’s gay as hell and Kiki’s extremely into her as well and he wants his twin to be happy so he’ll be pining forever and make do with a familial alpha bond)
(Namari will never know she coulda had her pick)
Mikbell - beta cuck and a scab
Holm - the only actual alpha on Kabru’s team, has definitely noticed him switching up the pheromones and he mostly doesn’t care, he thinks that secondary-sex-fluidity is actually a really good quality in a leader (it shows he respects all of them and acknowledges the strengths they all have)
But when it comes to his sister Nope Nope Nope buster don’t you dare seduce her with some mocked up alpha juice
His sister is also an alpha but she’s alpha-for-alpha gay and gender bisexual and he’s not having it
Daya - omega, but prefers to present as an alpha because she’s actually just not that comfortable with the stereotypical omega “role”
(Again for dwarves, it’s mostly “will do caretaking” over “will procure necessary items”, but her birth clan were heavy traditionalists who considered an omega’s primary job to be “be pregnant” so she’s tossed the whole situation)
(Her partner is an alpha and oh boy did he have to work to prove he was nothing like the boys back home. He’s fully happy to be the caretaker while she brings home the bacon and she loves him for that
Most dwarves will assume he’s the omega unless told otherwise, and they’re both very comfortable with that on the extremely rare occasion that it comes up since Island dwarves usually don’t care anyway)
Kuro - kobold, not his problem, but oh boy he’s adopted Mikbell as his puppy and is gonna do his best taking care of this man
He’s fully aware Mik’s a mature adult (despite how often he pretends to be a kid to fuck with people), he can smell his pheromones, he just believes Mikbell needs a father or at least older brother figure to guide him more than just a buddy
(He and Kabru also suspect Mik might be into non sexual (probably?) age play, since he claims he acts like a kid to fuck over assholes who assume half-foots can’t be real adults, but he does it A Lot and with joy and fervour)
(Mikbell can never learn this)
Grandpa Tansu - cranky lil alpha gnome
Granny Floke - also a lil alpha gnome, they’re also alpha-for-alpha gay, but she likes watching her husband get all loud and up in arms so she doesn’t bother getting involved much
(Full Madame Giry from the good Phantom of the Opera productions, she only has to say one word to put her foot down but she actually is a nice smiling little old lady… which makes it scarier when she does it)
Tade - alpha oni, but in oni omegas and afabs are actually much bigger so she’s still pretty small for an oni (bigger than amab alphas though)
This does tend to confuse pretty much everyone else but those little buggers come out BIG and HORNED and it’s just better all around to have more space for the lil niblets
This is why Marcille’s oni form was head and shoulders too big to be seen standing next to her party she’d’ve been around a foot and a half taller than Tade because I said so
Thistle - oh the saddest most broken lil elf omega, he was in a bad way before Delgal’s dad died and then when Delgal did the “only you can save us we’re all gonna die” Thistle reverse-pioneered the Canaries by going into omega-murder-mode so hard he dungeoned an entire kingdom
And since there was not a single alpha older than him anywhere to be found he just never got to turn that off (if only someone scruffed the little bastard idk if that’s an omegaverse thing but the imagery is peak)
Imma headcanon he never actually had a cycle by dint of not finishing elf-puberty before he went Kingdom In A Bottle and stopped aging but honestly any flavour of fuckery and whenever you think he stopped aging is all good
(Since not only was Yaad born post dungeon, he grew to young adulthood and other people did age, they just didn’t die, so aging was for sure happening for like 20 years post dive)
Winged Lion - the alpha and the omega solely for the joke
If you can think of anyone else or if you have any questions lemme know and I’ll spin something off the dome for ya! (This totally wasn’t prompted by me nearly having the first full chapter of. Something. Ready to go. 👀)
If anyone else wants to chop and screw with any bits of this for any reason go wild and all I ask is a tag in because I like free candy as much as anyone else. Despite Farcille commentary it’s technically ship agnostic because honestly that’s the least interesting part of an omegaverse AU for me I’m here to get weird with sex and gender roles and cultural variance
I haven’t actually played in this sand pit much before so we can all thank/blame Omega Jason Todd week for finally tipping my interest over by giving me new levels of fuckery, we stan a 6’ omega built like a tank
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#omegaverse#dungeon meshi omegaverse#omega mithrun owns my ass#and not gonna lie so does alpha flamela 90% because their dynamic is already so fucked#and adding a layer of ‘mithrun could not care less about his heat but flamela will fucking die before she goes on rut on the same continent’#leading to some ‘flamela violently forcing mithrun into a hazmat suit the SECOND anyone (lycion) even HINTS he might go on heat cuz Hell No’#with a dash of mithrun’s convicts being horrible little bastards about it for fun and profit#flamela running around to a) find the heated omega who is in danger (wandered off) and b) carry him back to his nest in The Longest Tongs#just so she can’t possibly smell him and have an extra rut#is pretty much the entire first chapter of The Least Sexy Heat Fic Of All Time#but i’m having a wonderful time with it#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers#elves are fucked up#and it makes them more fun#omega mithrun#alpha laios#alpha falin#beta kabru who Will Never Let Anyone Know cuz he’s having too much fun faking and switching pheromones#cuz sure he could be an alpha that’s the formula for these situations but No You Don’t Get It it’s so much funnier if he isn’t#cuz he works so hard to convince himself and everyone else he’s the perfect leader#an alpha with self confidence could never#also fuck you he gets alpha-omega-genderfluid vibes because i say so#we inventing all sorts of new directions to be queer in everybody’s getting at least one
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i don't like when there's a #problematic ship and most of what i see is people trying to make it ok. trying to make it 'normal.' i'm here for TOXICITY
#ok gonna be fr right now. i'm interested in a brudick dynamic where. basically i tjink bruce deserves to be killed for it#not a minor/adult thing. just the age gap and pseudoincestuous stuff involved in nightwing/batman#bruce should die of course. give me the drama give me the problems it's fucked up it's irredeemable it's SEXY#also i don't think a rule of shipping is that you believe it should be canon or it's like the Real Truth#i'm playing toys. i'm making them kiss and seeing what happens
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I am going to be chasing the high I felt watching succession week to week for the rest of my life I miss it so fucking much. I miss her so much my beautiful television wife......
#I have never liked a show that much before and I fear I will never like a show that much ever again.#amazing writing acting and music...horrible complicated morally questionable characters... homoerotic subtext.... really weird and funny...#kieran culkin.... sexy milfs... fucked up family dynamics...what more could a person ask for#television used to be good we literally used to have succession sunday#I MISS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#enigma musings#succession
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#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#alucard hellsing#walter c dornez#a#those like 2 seconds of dialogue between Walter and seras hands down best scene like DUUUUUUDE#*seras interacts with literally any character* ‘omg they have the best dynamic in all of hellsing’#I LOVE HER SO MUCH AHHHGHHGGH every dynamic is great because she at her core is such a loving and passionate person that it bleeds into all#other facets of her life like FUCK man even after the betrayal she thanks Walter like she’s been through hell and seen the worst in people#yet she still sees the good in them!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#unrelated but currently very emotional about my 3ds and Pokemon and the beauty of existing authentically#I found my first (caught) shinies!!!!! I found a rattata when I first got heartgold and my brother tried to coach me through but I killed it#so then I’d been playing b2 and was in the ranch and I got this patrat and azuril within 30 minutes of each other#and then seeing other Pokémon that I transferred up or that I got from my brother and the ones my friend traded me#and then like my 3ds is a Time Capsule to 2015 when I figured out I can use the internet on this thing#girlie was on ao3 and I’ll keep some of my dignity but it’s endearing in a sort of way. that was my life once!#people and the passage of time is so sexy. being able to grow and see yourself change as a person. Pokemon.#I got like this a few months ago going through the camera on my 3ds. I have like no photos of me from 8-12so it’s like. woah!! that’s me!!!
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its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head
like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.
but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .
like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .
except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???
yeah . thought so.
so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .
and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How
(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)
anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo
#im sorry for completely out of nowhere ship posting dude idk where this came from . i had to get it off my chest ig . runs away#chili my dearest i miss em . theyre the most normal business partners to lovers dynamic to me NO drama whatsoever they just#happen to be insane fucking people and thats why it ends up weird . but relationship wise. bland as SHIT they just get along well#drama?? betrayal?? angst?? NO. 1 spar and childe forgives instantly we all know this to be true#theyre so fucking basic as a couple bc both of them being as weird as they are just ends up canceling out#bc neither is unnerved by the insane shit the other comes with . and they just like. date normally . and make a semi-open committed ldr wor#they simply civilly agree not to bring up the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Religious differences .#6k yo highly suspect god known for signing NDA with celestia dating guy intent on torching the fucking place personally like .#'we make it work despite our differences 😌'#and the known self-admitted heretic if it gives him power looking to conquer the world just#'oh no need to Rush the agenda after all im still busy getting stronger 😊 in time watch tf out tho <333 youre so sexy aha'#dont listen to bland tropey fanon guysss listen to me they could be so fucking peak. they Are to me#altho childe pairings are so weird to me now being a true narwhal truther. theyre all basically a love triangle to me now LKWDJKWDKJWDKJ#like listen. they could be in love they could be the same entity they could be opposites. nemeses. platonic soulmates. romantic rivals. idc#BUT whatever the fuck they are i want them together please thank uuuuuuuu so like. added hysteria factor to any other ship w ajax .#hes still fucking cheating on his narwhalllll on all levels. romantic. platonic. cosmic. unphased by any attempts at defining their bond#with mere words. what are they??? no clue. still cheating. no i dont explain my poetry often. theyre simply everything to me xx#how do i even fucking tag this man its not rly childeposting worthy is it....#and im not abt to risk breaching containment in the chili tag.........................#guess its just#genshin#rambles#lmaooo wjkdwkjwjkdjkdw
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As lovely as the evil dark urge x ascended Astarion power couple posts are, if you choose to embrace Bhaal you only have two endings. Either you control the elder brain and make all your companions your thralls, or you defy Bhaal and lose your mind, where your only choice is killing yourself or giving in and becoming a mindless monster. So canonically, the "You will sit nicely in my lap, perhaps naked" scenario won't happen. Either Durge flips the script on Astarion and controls him, or you become mindless, killing everything in sight.
However, those endings still have potential. You have Astarion getting a taste of freedom, only to have it ripped from him. You have Astarion thinking he owns the only person he cares about, only for them to kill themselves in front of him, or not recognize him and killing everything that moves.
The latter could be very interesting, since if Durge is his spawn he still has control of them. Feral Durge could be the Bertha to Astarion's Edward Rochester. Or maybe his feral attack dog he sics on his enemies.
#*adds more darkness to the already fucked up relationship dynamic* for flavor#baldur’s gate#ascended astarion#chosen of bhaal#the dark urge#durgestarion#astarion x dark urge#yes being the evil lover of a vampire lord is cool and all but have you considered#making it tragic not in a sexy way but in a sad and devastating way#I don't judge people who like the dynamic but add some flavor to it pls
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this podcast is so anti anders (and helo 🤧) but i get it, sam anders is a character tailor made for the girls and the gays, two straight men were never gonna get it unfortunately but it’s fine
#battlestar galactica#‘why is she hung up on him’ bc he’s so much easier to love!!!!#kara is like a middle aged man who leaves his wife (lee) for a younger woman (sam)#she loves sam bc he’s so uncomplicated and when he starts making it complicated she lashes out at him for being exactly what he is#(the pretty little thing she fucked when she was having a crisis!)#for me the whole point is that ultimately kara cannot fully reject sam once she acknowledges his complexity#and sam is so willing to be a martyr he is capable of forgiving her in a way lee like. can’t.#(but that’s not to say i don’t think the lee/kara dynamic is good and necessary. the fact that they are both so hung up on how recklessly#they almost drunk fucked the instant connection even while zack is still alive#is so important bc their inability to forgive themselves for betraying zack is exactly why she married anders#and he married dee. it’s all connected all four of them!!!!!)#the problem is that they see sam as a sexy lamp character but THATS THE APPEAL
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//more of this fucking nonsense, with only a week of spooky month left, ft. @feldspar-thethief / @x-lordofdarkness-42069-x, who has kindly given me the rot for this au
#vis :: ( tweek )#ver :: final girl ( tweek )#rel :: ( craig & tweek )#rel :: ( tweek x clyde )#mun art#//not tagging vis craig bc this is patrick's craig not MY craig#//my craig has a sexy face scar (courtesy of tweek! 💚)#//i told patrick tweek has an actual answer for what their favorite scary movie is#//and he was like omg i'm so excited i kinda wanna know but don't spoil it#//i loooove this au bc clyde simps for tweek and it results in him & craig having the nathan & mimzy dynamic#//clyde: [huge fucking heart eyes; agreeing with anything tweek says]#//craig: shut up clyyyyyyde >:(
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One thing that goes crazy is those distant screaming calls for help you can hear in the background of off to the races. Like the whole basic premise is this lolita inspired dynamic between this young lonely girl and this much older man where she swears that nobody else in the world would even have her except for him and this in itself is a feat because she’s ‘crass’ and has a ‘broke down life’ etc and the whole thing is entrenched in denial. He loves her in spite of all these things wrong with her, all he asks is that she does what he wants, he’s like an omnipresent figure for her - watches her in the bathroom, getting dressed etc. and the almost hyperbolic way she describes herself smitten with him and how she believes she needs him, she’s nothing without him, the dependency borders on the paternal. It’s not that she’s unable to leave it’s that she believes she has nowhere else to go, he’s made it so she’s so enmeshed that she simply thinks she could not survive without him. he’s ‘saving’ her from herself and she’s in even more debt to him for it (sorry that im misbehaving!!!) and imo she’s almost a parody of herself bc she doubles down on this narrative that’s she’s a seductress and insane and crazy and she needs looking after by this mature older man when in reality she’s so troubled, under constant observation but she twists it so it’s like she’s running away to be caught by him rather than to escape. And in the end her calls for help can barely be heard under the passionate repetition that he’s her one true love
#plus lana’s voice going higher during the chorus as if she’s making her self sound more youthful and childish compared to ‘says it sounds#like heaven to him’ which is so sardonic and cry. almost as if she’s making fun of him. and the gimme those gold coins line. like it’s equa#*dry#in some way if she’s getting something out of it too. waving golden jewelry in her face buying her things etc#like the fire of my loins line is not misplaced at all bc this song is so obviously abt lolita. but it’s like. humbert humbert’s perspectiv#almost completely overshadowing dolores’ i.e the calls for help in the background . like soo much of it is based on lines and passages from#the book . she literally cried every night !!! . ‘you see she has absolutely nowhere else to go’ + i love you i’ll never leave you they#would rue the day i was alone without you. like it’s so obviously humberts perspective on himself and how dolores feels abt him. but#modernised in a way. like i fully believe lana knew what she doing with this one. her philosophy degree coming thru …#sorry for analysing and going crazy over a lana song do u stil think I’m sexy ….#but also! that’s why this song pertains so well to fucked up paternal dynamics this is why you see every sicko on this website use this son#like there’s so many layers to it. like sorry but if i think abt succession and breaking bad to this song no i don’t. there was a while#where i was like this is sooo pre s1 tomshiv also. but yeah lol#just.. SONG OF ALL TIME#.
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Saw your latest art, and Geeta and Diantha are definitely rumoured to be dating despite just being friends. These two idiots will spend the day with each other then share a bed and be confused about the rumours
Also I know you have your Villain Diantha AU, and her whole reason is that she wants to get rid of those she herself deems “filth” or “to far gone” so that the world is a better place and she can rule/dictate the planet
But what about the other champions? If in separated AUs why would they become the villains of their worlds? What caused them to go down a separate path then their original counterparts?
No but fr tho imagine all the fucking rumours Dia has to hear from her manager abt her and Geeta tho hahaha these two are like the definition of kissing the homies goodnight and they can somewhat do it in the most platonic way like they'll sleep together whenever they're staying at another champion's or each other's place and the first time Geeta joined them the others also thought she and Dia were dating hahaha
And ohhh👀👀
Ngl tho, the villain Dia au was originally villain Lance bc I did write two chapters of it too, and he got Giratina from Cyrus hahaha so in a nutshell it's the same corrupted Galar League bc of Rose thing and Lance went all knight mode and killed Rose for Diantha. But another concept I thought that maybe he did snap sometime before that bc people kinda look down on him despite being the Indigo Champion now, as they know Red and Green are still around and those two just probs gave Lance that title bc they dont want it anymore, leading different lives now. And Lance didn't really take that well bc hey, he's a strong trainer y'know, ofc he's Champion, but still people kinda see him as a stand in for Red and Green and he fucking hates it, so during the tournament he went above and beyond to try and beat everyone, and if they're close to winning against him, well.. Dragonite's Hyper Beam will be the last thing they'll see
Idk how'd Steven would be villain tho bc of all the champions I see him as the kindest and the most open minded, so he'd probs have no problems other than the ones he buried for so long na. I do wanna say that maybe he does see Wallace struggling tho, and maybe he would want to change the world for him and Lisia bc hey, those two are his family now too, he loves them very much, and he doesn't like seeing Wallace struggle anymore, so maybe he would do a Diantha and change the world for the one he loves. Tho, unlike Dia, I imagine Steven as a villain to be the kind that's extremely inconspicuous, more so than Diantha. Like legitimately no one knows he's behind every shitty thing that's happening to those who don't like Wallace, bc unlike Dia who showed herself to Malva, Steven kept quiet and just watched from the sidelines
Same w Wallace ngl, but I also think that if smth were to happen to Lisia, he would snap and lash out on everyone. Think of Team Aqua, but tenfold, it didn't help he's the Guardian of Sootopolis too, this mf knows where Kyogre is and knows just what to do for the legendary Mon to bow to his will, and soon everyone will die in the same sorrowful waters that drowned him
God villain Cynthia is also reallyyyyy *wild hand gestures* cause like imagine her similar to Volo, acting all friendly then stabbing the trainer in the back. She knows abt Galactic and tried to "help" Dawn and Barry on stopping them, but she never really stopped them y'know, if you catch my drift. Like she's equally curious what Cyrus would do, what would happen if they open the portal to the Distortion World, and she did find out abt it. She watched Cyrus die in front of her, watched Dawn battle Giratina, and stared Giratina dead in the eyes, telling it that if he joins her, he'll finally escape the Distortion World and let the people see just how much more powerful he is compared to Arceus. And ough smth smth Giratina seeing Volo in Cynthia's place, sees the potential in Cynthia, and God imagine if Giratina did possess Cynthia tho, and Cynthia's playing along too bc now people really know she's unbeatable, now that she's a god.
Iris and Hau I can't imagine them as villains but I can imagine the others becoming villains for them. like,, back then I had this concept, y'know the song Hell's Coming With Me by Poor Man's Poison? I have this thought that people really looked down on them so much that the two became ashamed of showing themselves to the public, but Iris was pissed y'know, and made a vow that when she and Hau returns then all hell will break lose, she will make sure of it. The people thought she was just bluffing, but then suddenly all the champions went against the people of their region, against those who look down on Iris and Hau especially, and the two are just happy y'know that the other champions are "taking care" of em by taking out the people who shit talked them
Leon,, same w Wallace?? Like if smth happened to Hop? Cause he does care abt his bro y'know. But I also wanna add that maybe Rose did smth to Hop when Leon was acting out of line and that was the final straw for Leon and really up and killed Rose, bc Lee really couldn't bare the thought of smth happening to his brother, and if he's going to make sure nothing bad ever happens to the one he loves too (so basically like Diantha, do you see now why these two make me so fucking ill like cjmsndmd)
Ough Geeta my guy so in my hcs she's like,, she's struggling w feeling empathy, y'know, any sort of emotion really. And she's trying, and Diantha's helping her and such, but I also wanna say in the Villain Geeta au, as much as she loves Diantha, she also doesn't listen to her much. So most of the time she feels kinda empty, even though Diantha's helping her. I wanna say in this au, she did know what happened to Sada/Turo, and she was there when it happened, she knows what will happen, but she never warned them of the danger, bc maybe if smth happened to them she'd feel something too. And when they died, she didn't feel anything but the thrill of watching them dying over their own research. She didn't understand why, perhaps they weren't that close, but there's smth abt it y'know, watching others suffer that makes her feel some sort of thing, and it made her feel alive. Tho w this bc I'm trash for these two, if Dia did get hurt tho, that's when Geeta would really feel absolute anger, if those who hurt Dia won't die naturally, then she'll kill them herself. After all, it's one thing to feel that thrill watching someone die, imagine how much more she'd feel if she's the one to actually kill them
#as you can see dia/leon and dia/geeta dynamics continue to fuck me up no matter the au owo#tho i do wanna add in leons part#that he doesnt want to become the absolute ruler of the world like dia#he just wants those he see as a threat gone#anyways yeah theres smth so fucking sexy abt the champions being villains#like imagine an au where all of them are villains tho#like not the actual evil orgs like rocket plasma etc#but like twist villains? secret villains? that they got the power to their heads#and all of them think that theyre the only ones worthy in their world#idk but its interesting to think abt it hahaha#pokemon champions#an ask and an answer#jerseyk112#villain champions au
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Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: The Beatles (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney Characters: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Denny Laine, Ringo Starr, Linda McCartney Additional Tags: Post Beatles break-up, Wings UK Tour 1979, Fix-It, POV Alternating, Pining, Jealousy, Eventual Smut, Eventual Fluff Summary:
During the Beatle years, John left a jumper at Paul's house, and Paul kept it and started to wear it. Now, in 1979, John sees a picture in a magazine of Denny Laine wearing the jumper. HIS jumper. John decides to go meet up with Wings to get it back.
No words for my love of this fic!!! I just finished it and it needed to be shared. Everyone should read this ASAP.
#Linda fucking Eastman you beautiful sneaky woman I love you#uggggggh#they love each other#she knows this#She's going to get shit done#i love the way Mersey writes sex.#so much love so much emotion even laughs and yet the sexiness is still so strong#I loved that it was angry and passionate and hands were pinned and wrists were clamped and the power dynamic was set up from the cigarettes#and yet it was so sweet#i love that it came back around to the sweater just from like a writerly perspective too y'know#And Paul's being like it's MINE#and how even though John didn't remember what he said he definitely felt what he said even in the first chapter when he was thinking about h#they're such sops#Everything the other does is so magnified and romanticized and over-thought#anyways enough ramblings in the tags#I'm just obsessed#I'll be rereading who knows how often#Fics where what should've happened happens#and all because of Linda and her mischievous streak
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Finally remembering to utilize the ao3 bookmark function and just went through my history to bookmark all the fics I reread/want to reread when I have the time and ugh. Ugh. My taste in ships and the particular scenarios I like them in is so goddamn predictable and none of it is good jffjdjddk
#‘what if they loved each other but were absolutely FUCKED UP about it?’#is basically the dynamic here#none of these relationships are healthy go me#LISTEN THEYRE MORE INTERESTING#and obsession and devotion and the desire for blood and violence is sexy idk what you want from me#kaz rambles
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Just wanted to shout out the nsfw side of the isat fandom! You guys are so cool with your art and headcanons! They're all wonderful and make me want to cry of joy because it's exactly what my kinky asexual ass always wanted in my life. ily
#Been in the ake/shu fandom for sometime and honestly is way to vanilla over there#Not enough kinks. weird fuck up codependency. or sexy murder sex#which baffles because all of that is literally baked into the foundation of the ship#And OH MY GOD the top/bottom discourse over there makes me want to jump off a cliff...#But everyone here is so kink positive and absolutely understands how aro and ace characters would experience and handle their sex lives#and never portraits them in a negative light#And that makes me so incredibly happy you have no idea about it!!!#And all the poli dynamics is just!!!#*Chef kiss*#Also no t/b discourse!!! What if I cry!!! It's beautiful!!!!#lily speaks
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on introspection my issue with dark romance is not the dark romance, it’s the fact that it’s so straight
#so many books are just men abusing women but pretending it’s sexy#and always a power dynamic they are never equally fucked up#where is the tension and mutual insanity and gross obsession#idc read what you want to read btw#dark romance#booktok#also they’re poorly written as fuck
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