#uggggggh
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insomnolent
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Maestro!
#i think while arthur is the composer#kayne is the conductor#of the show itself#coda prelude intermezzo#all musical terms !!!#arranging and rearranging arthur's piece to fit his vision#UGGGGGGH#my conductor tux kayne sketches got more attention than i was expecting#so here is a more rendered piece just for you all#kayne#kayne malevolent#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#my art
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Looks like nobody could have said „Mir ist kalt“ at the Olympic Stadium yesterday! Thank you to all Rammstein Fans who came to Athens! (x)
#rammstein#paul landers#richard kruspe#christoph schneider#flake lorenz#oliver riedel#uggggggh#why everything is sooo fast#but thanks to jens for filming drsg#my ramm gifs#stadium tour 24
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Sometimes I remember these two will kiss in season 5 and then I think about all the edits that are going to knock me off my feet. Seeing edits of will with his new haircut and also them KISSING? AND HOLDING HANDS? AND DOING WHO KNOWS WHAT IN SEASON 5? UGH it’s actually killing me like I need it more than air you don’t understand.
#uggggggh#like cmon#please please please#like i actually need that in my life#byler kiss#byler st5#byler tumblr#im going insane#will byers#mike wheeler#mike wheeler is in love with will byers#mike wheeler is a boy kisser#stranger things#byler
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Me trying to sleep peacefully:
My brain, refusing: plays a vivid AMV of a modern devil's minion chase to Birds of a Feather by Lilith Max
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2x10 | 3x04
#ted lasso spoilers#ted x rebecca#tedlassoedit#rebecca welton#teddy boy#otp: you liven up the place#m*ne#mine: lasso#after the dark forest this just felt monumental#she's not gonna let him keep getting by her#and she knows she can get him with this#because she knows him#and he made oklahoma theirs too#and that look on her face#she really wants to know#and he can see that#and he *needs* that#uggggggh
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This is a Bianca Belair hate account Asuka is better
This is pinned so anyone who has the gall to think Bianca Belair compares in any way to the empress let alone thinks she’s better can kindly back the fuck away
#asuka#wwe asuka#wwe#wrestling#she’s so hot#I want to come home with blue marks all over me#god shes so fine#uggggggh#i want her#i want her so bad
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I don't often edit ao3 fics on desktop and for some reason there's a random one of these < around that won't go away no matter what I do nyyyaaaaggghhh
#I just want to get off the internet and go to beddddd#but this is the last holdout#uggggggh#rambles from the floor
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I think I'm gonna entierly mute the words vegetarian and vegan because the 'everyone should eat vegan its simple and easy youre just not trying' hits differently when you're physically disabled and already half starved with the things you're able to eat. Even when you know it's not talking about or thinking about disabled people at all.
#uggggggh#stop preaching to me lmao i dont agree morally and also i literarly cant#eat vegetables#because i cant swallow them#i have very minimal protein sources and im sorty but im not eating lentil soup as the only meal lmao#medical cw
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I wanna apologize to everyone who's waiting for a fanfic update.
I'm getting drunk atm but I swear to God, I'm gonna update today or at least tomorrow.
I was miring on it for too long. I swear, I- I have been working on it and it's halfway done, I just need to get to the sex and mutilation half, and then it'll be done.
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TELL ME WHY I SAW SOMEONE SAY "I HC JAMES AS ACTUALLY SMART" NEWSFLASH
JAMES WAS ALWAYS SMART Y'ALL JUST LIKE MAKING HIM STUPID TO MAKE REGULUS AND REMUS LOOK GOOD OR WHATEVER
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#knitting#lace#frog it#fiberarts#uggggggh#i don't wanna go backwards#probably the right thing to do though
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I'm at a dental conference for work a mere ten minutes and someone has already jokingly asked me "for a ride" because I'm a powerchair user. Fucking hell.
#ambulatory wheelchair user#uggggggh#she said it multiple times#and my brain went blank and I couldn't think of any of my sassy responses bc I'm tired#disabled
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Whenever I have a story idea or a Simblr idea or any idea at all that has the potential to be really cool but will be a lot of work, the two wolves inside me start fighting.
I have an idea right now that will only bring positive things into my writing life and make my storytelling easier, but it will require an initial time investment of say three or four hours. I have been arguing with myself for literal DAYS over whether or not it will really be worth it. Every time, I come to the conclusion that, yes, it will be worth it. And then I'm like "but will it reeeeeeeeeally though it's so much woooooooooork 😩"
Somebody come and put that part of my brain in time out so I can get some shit done.
#ramblings#tangentially sims related#ever fight with yourself?#ever lose to yourself?#uggggggh#why am i the way that i am
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Had an argument with 🍄 earlier.
It wasn't even an argument. 👑 got here and walked right in cause he had to pee, and 🍄 was on the couch naked. Disregulated the hell out of us both.
I was in my room trying to finish up getting ready while 👑 waited outside and 🍄 came in and started rambling/ranting at me how he needs a heads up if someone is coming over.
I told him yeah I agree. I didn't know he'd be coming in either. I'll let you know in the future.
And he wouldn't. Fucking. End.
He was talking in circles getting louder and faster until I popped and said, "please give me space!"
He didn't move and instead started apologizing. Touched my shoulder.
I repeated "please give me space!" Louder. He took one step back and apologized more. Started defending himself saying he didn't mean to bother me.
I cried out, "please give me space!" He said one last sort and hovered in the doorway watching me.
Unhinged, firm, loud, "Please give me space!!!"
He finally respected the boundary and went to his room. Slammed things around in there. Came out, slammed something in the living room. Started pushing furniture around. Then left for a walk.
Overstimulated and overwhelmed I could hardly think, shallow breath. Maybe freeze? I dunno. It sucked.
I texted 👑 and he was slowly pulling me out of my shell by just seeking some communication because for all he knew there was literally no big deal. We've never had a talk on this so makes sense he'd not know. He knows now to communicate if he needs to come in.
Waited for 🍄 came back to offer a hug since he's stated he hates "going to bed angry" and I knew I'd be gone a while. Got a half hug and he expressed upset that I didn't have to be so mean. Harsh? I told him that I was sorry and I wasn't mad at him and he'd done nothing wrong. Me needing space doesn't mean he's done something wrong.
I've communicated to him before that if I'm setting a boundary in the moment that my voice won't be calm. Because I will literally be experiencing not okay feelings that need that boundary in the first place. He assured me he understood. Uh huh.
And now I get home and he's still stuck that he was just trying to explain himself and he doesn't understand why I was that way. I tried to explain that I just needed space and it had nothing to do with him. But he's just not hearing me.
No surprise there. When does he ever actually listen to me without trying to argue unless we're sitting down for a relationship talk after we've already processed the event.
Anyways shout out to 👑 who was looking forward to a long awaited date only for me to be practically catatonic. Fucking huge shout out for him driving just far enough away to park and pulling me into his lap. For asking me if I had words with a yes or no question so that I had the opportunity to communicate that I was stuck. For just sitting with me until I could regulate. Co-regulate? Fuck. He was softly singing along to one song, gently patting me. All I could feel was him, smell his scent. My anxiety couldn't even be bothered that we were technically in view of traffic. I just......fuck. Gods I wish every trauma survivor could have someone hold them the way he did me. It healed something in me fr fr. I've never come back from such a deep dissociation so quick.
And well. I guess 👑 got to see how shitty things can get from literally nothing.
Also shout out to 🍄 for not devolving to passive aggressive texts while I was out. Growth.
#uggggggh#what on earth am i supposed to do with all of this???#gods I'm too tired for this nonsense#he really can't stand me setting boundaries unless it's a gentle clear line in the sand#which is unfortunately not my reality while I'm literally learning my boundaries#🍄#micro log#micro.txt#👑 this is my best recollection. how does it compare to what I rambled at you earlier?
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lactose intolerance is so embarrassing like sorry i can't even drink milk it makes my tummy hurt and i have to go disappear into the bathroom for a million years trying not to sob in pain, don't wait up for me bc it'll literally be forever, rip to whatever we planned to do I'm busy shitting my guts inside out 🙃
edit: y'all really let me embarrass myself further with that glaring typo huh? 😔
#uggggggh#z.vent#i still feel exhausted after Gatorade + food+ sleep like c'mon man i thought we were done
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