#the writers should rethink their careers

[mitchipedia]

The Longevity Revolution: America Needs to Radically Rethink What It Means to Be Old

Jonathan Rauch at The Atlantic:

We could use a new category [for adulthood], one reflecting the fact that longevity is inserting one, two, or even three decades between middle age and old age.

As it happens, such a category is available: late adulthood. Associated with such thinkers as the sociologist Phyllis Moen, the psychologist Laura Carstensen, the social entrepreneurs Chip Conley and Marc Freedman, and the activist and writer Ashton Applewhite, the notion of late adulthood captures the reality of a new stage of life, in which many people are neither fully retired nor conventionally employed — a phase when people can seek new pursuits, take “not so hard” jobs, and give back to their communities, their families, and their God.

And no, this is not a pipe dream. Copious evidence shows that most of what people think they know about life after 50 is wrong. Aging per se (as distinct from sickness or frailty) is not a process of uniform decline. It brings gains, too: greater equanimity, more emotional resilience, and what Carstensen and others have called the positivity effect, a heightened appreciation of life’s blessings. Partly for that reason, the later decades of life are, on average, not the saddest but the happiest. Contrary to popular belief, aging does not bring mental stagnation. Older people can learn and create, although their styles of learning and creativity are different than in younger years. Emotional development and maturation continue right through the end of life. And aging can bring wisdom — the ability to rise above self-centered viewpoints, master turbulent emotions, and solve life’s problems — a boon not only to the wise but to everyone around them.

Late adulthood is a time when the prospects for earning diminish but the potential for grandparenting, mentoring, and volunteering peaks. It is — or can be — a time of reorientation and relaunch, a time when zero-sum goals such as social competition and personal ambition yield to positive-sum pursuits such as building community and nurturing relationships.

… Right now, Americans are receiving more than a decade of additional time in the most satisfying and prosocial period of life. This is potentially the greatest gift any generation of humans has ever received. The question is whether we will grasp it.

I found myself nodding along to a lot of this.

… a phase when people can seek new pursuits, take “not so hard” jobs, and give back to their communities, their families, and their God.

Check. I come in to work, I work hard, I try to do great work, and when I’m done I’m done. I am no longer interested in advancing my “career” — I don’t want to be the VP of anything or grind or have a side-hustle go into founder mode or be an entrepreneur.1 I do want to give back more to the community (I’m working on that) and family (more challenging because our families are thousands of miles away). As for God: My idea of God is that all They ask of us is we do right. (Which is asking too much a lot of the time.)

… a heightened appreciation of life’s blessings

Check. I had a very bad cold the past week, but even as I was lying in bed hacking and coughing, I was grateful to have a warm bed to lie in, and Julie to nag me to take better care of myself.

I don’t know about the need for a new category of adulthood, and a label — “late adulthood” — go go with it. Ashton Applewhite,2 whose work on aging I admire enormously, uses the word “olders.” I think that type of language eventually becomes euphemisms, like the phrases “golden years” and “senior citizens” in previous generations, and the euphemisms eventually become as toxic as the original. Maybe instead we should copy the example of our queer3 friends and family, reclaim the bad word, and make it our own: “old.”

On the other hand, I have occasionally described myself as “old” to younger colleagues.4 “You’re not old,” they say. And I find that conversation to be a waste of time. Which is becoming more precious to me on account of my being old.5

I feel defensive when I describe this attitude in public. So yeah I’m not going to grind 18 hours a day for an employer and I’m not adrenaline-fueled excitement-junkie. But I’m also not addicted to drama. I’m reliable. You can count on me to do the job. ↩︎

Her book “This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism” is essential reading for anyone who is over 50 or plans to be. ↩︎

Apropos of nothing, I’m reminded of a line fron a recent episode of the Savage Love podcast where a straight person complained that the words “gay” and “queer” used to have other useful meanings and a queer person responded that we should blame the normies for that because they were so afraid of being thought to be homosexuals that they stopped using “gay” and “queer” to mean anything else. ↩︎

Nowadays that’s all of them lol ↩︎

Or in “late adulthood.” Or an “older.” Or whatever. ↩︎

[kaurwreck]

From the introduction to Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky's translation of The Double:

In fact, Dostoevsky's dialogue/struggle with Gogol went on throughout his life. But The Double is specifically and quite obviously an expansion on "The Diary of a Madman" and "The Nose." It represents not a plagiarism or imitation, but a "rethinking of Gogol," as [Konstantin] Mochulsky observed. What did this "rethinking" involve?

...

Goliadkin, as Mochulsky noted, "emerges and grows out of the verbal element. The writer had first to assimilate his character's intonations, to speak through himself, to penetrate the rhythm of the sentences and the peculiarities of his vocabulary, and only then could he see his face. Dostoevsky's characters are born of speech— such is the general law of his creative work." In Gogol, with the one exception of "The Diary of a Madman," the verbal element is the narrator's voice, not the character's. Gogol's characters are entirely objectified, like parts of nature, pure products of the narrator's words about them; they have no consciousness and that, in fact, is what makes them so remarkable. For Dostoevsky, on the other hand, consciousness is the central issue....

"Even in the earliest 'Gogolian period' of his literary career, Mikhail Bakhtin observed, "... That which was presented in Gogol's field of vision as an aggregate of objective features, coalescing in a firm socio-characterological profile of the hero, is introduced by Dostoevsky into the field of vision of the hero himself and there becomes the object of his agonizing self awareness."

Nikolai has revolved around Fyodor for much of his narrative arc; as much as he trills about will, he lacks any rich interiority and instead relies on others as a mirror into himself. He exposits and supplants himself, adopting his adoration and Fyodor-tinted projections in lieu of a sense of self. But, perhaps through Fyodor occupying him from the inside out, Nikolai may paradoxically be brought into his own field of vision.

Also, Gogol's last work, which followed the critically acclaimed Dead Souls and "The Overcoat," was Selected Passages from Correspondence with Friends. From the introduction to Jesse Zeldin's translation:

[The] most important essay in Selected Passages is the last one, "Easter Sunday," which by no means was so placed accidentally.... Gogol makes it quite clear in this essay that he sees the essential fact of Christ (who should be the focal point of man's existence) as his gift of life through love, the love of the brotherhood. As Mochul'sky remarks, "Gogolian religion is a sobornaya religion."

The related footnote then explains, "The concept of sobornost, a word from which the adjective "sobornaya" is derived, is a complicated one. The words I should use to describe it are communion and union, the "I-we" relationship rather than the "I-you" relationship."

The relationship between Gogol's final work and communion is carnivalized by the thematic distortion of the Orthodox eucharist in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, which I also think elucidates Fyodor's skill both literally and figuratively, evidenced by the eucharist imagery recurring as a thoroughline in Fyodor's arc.

tl;dr: becoming caged within Fyodor's psyche may paradoxically be Nikolai's salvation in the narrative.

[ID: Two panels from the BSD manga. The first shows Fyodor, clear eyed with an open expression, asking "What year is it?". The second shows Dazai looking down at "Fyodor's" corpse, saying "Then who the hell is this?" End ID.]

You guys. You GUYS. I feel so vindicated - it was significant!

And also I'm bringing this potential reference back because I forgot about it until right now.

[ID: Part of a white book cover. The author is Dostoevsky. The title is The Double. End ID.]

"Constantly rebuffed from the social circles he aspires to frequent, the timid clerk Golyadkin is confronted by the sudden appearance of his double, a more brazen, confident and socially successful version of himself, who abuses and victimizes the original. As he is increasingly persecuted, Golyadkin finds his social, romantic and professional life unravelling, in a spiral that leads to a catastrophic denouement."

"One critic wrote that The Double's main idea is that "the human will in its search for total freedom of expression becomes a self-destructive impulse"."

[ID: A screenshot of a paragraph from The Double's wikipedia page. The sections of note are highlighted: "The Double is the most Gogolesque of Dostoevsky's works", "a parody of "The Overcoat"", "Dostoevsky alters and wholly repeats Gogol's phrases". End ID.]

...Nikolai, I'm so sorry buddy, but I think you're screwed.

[arisawati]

Denny Ja's best work thoroughly 45th: a prickly place

Denny Ja, a prominent Indonesian writer and intellectual, has created many works that inspire 45 years of his career. One of his best works that should be revealed is an essay poem titled Thorny Place. This essay poem is a manifestation of Denny JA's expertise in describing the complexity of social and political life in Indonesia. The prickly place is an essay poem that tells the story of the life journey of a character named Rendra in facing challenges and conflicts that involve political aspirations, violence, and love. Through this story, Denny JA succeeded in describing the reality of life in Indonesia which is often full of conflict and tension. The essay poem also shows Denny JA's expertise in describing strong and complex characters. Rendra, the main character in this essay poem, is described as a figure who has a high fighting spirit and strong idealism. However, he must also face a moral dilemma and complicated inner conflict in living everyday life. One of the things that makes the prickly place so interesting is the merger of the narrative of fiction and the social reality of Indonesian politics. In this essay poem, Denny JA described the events of important events in Indonesian history, such as the 1998 events, political reforms, as well as social and political conflicts involving various groups of people. In the process of writing this essay poetry, Denny JA not only relies on his imagination, but also does deep research. He explored information from various sources, including interviews with important figures in Indonesia. This makes the prickly place feel so authentic and touching the existing reality. In addition to being a reflection of Indonesia's social political life, a prickly place also contains deep messages. This essay poem teaches how important it is to maintain courage and maintain humanitarian values in the midst of situations full of uncertainty and violence. Denny Ja wants to arouse the awareness of the reader to always think critically and act wisely in living this life. No wonder if the prickly place managed to become one of Denny Ja's best works. This essay poem not only entertains, but also invites the reader to reflect and rethink the values of important life. Denny Ja succeeded in creating a stunning work with a beautiful and imagination language style. This essay poem has received various awards and praise from various circles. Denny JA's best work proves that the expertise and sharpness of his mind never faded for 45 years of his creative journey. The thorny place has exceeded expectations as a literary work, but also a form of respect for the life and history of Indonesia. In conclusion, a prickly place is the best work of Denny JA that is worthy of being seen and enjoyed by every reader. This essay poem brings us in a charming and inspiring journey, arouse our awareness of social politics in Indonesia. Denny Ja has gone through a long journey in creating extraordinary work, and a prickly place is one of the unforgettable works.

Check more: Peel thoroughly the 45th best work of Denny JA: a prickly place

[salwaerlita]

Appreciate the specialty in the elected work of Denny JA 36 torches continue to turn on

In 2021, Denny JA, a very famous figure in Indonesia, re -released his 36th newest work entitled "Torch Continue to turn on". This work gets a lot of appreciation from various groups, both from the general public and from literary experts and critics. In this article, we will discuss about the privileges in the 36th selected work of Denny JA using the keyword "Appreciating the Privileges in Denny JA's Elected Work to 36: Torches continue to turn on". In this latest work, Denny JA presents a story that is very inspiring and motivating readers. He described the struggle and life of a hero who never gave up in facing various obstacles and challenges. Through a distinctive and emotional writing, Denny JA managed to make the reader carried away and tied to the story he presented. One of the features in the 36th selected work of Denny JA is the use of beautiful and flowing language. Denny JA is able to convey a deep and meaningful message using a simple but striking words. He also uses many parables and metaphors that make the story more alive and interesting. This allows the reader to feel the emotions delivered in each sentence. In addition, Denny JA also presents a strong and memorable character. He is able to describe the journey of life and character development so well that the reader can feel the bond and empathy for the figures in the story. The main character who is a hero is also very inspiring and motivating the reader to never give up in the face of all obstacles. In this selected work, Denny JA also succeeded in combining various literary elements well. He uses a distinctive language style and gives a creative touch in every scene and dialogue. The use of literary elements such as symbols, images, and strong themes, making this work more valuable and interesting to read. Not only that, "Torch continues to turn on" also presents Tematema which is relevant to the current condition of the community. Denny Ja smartly described various social, political, and cultural issues that exist in society. He is able to give a sharp and critical view of various problems that occur around us. This allows the reader to reflect and rethink about the issuance raised in the work. In this 36th elected work of Denny JA, he also showed expertise in compiling the storyline. He was able to regulate and present a tense climax, as well as giving an unexpected twist. Through structured and organized writing well, readers can follow the story clearly and feel challenged to continue reading until the end. Overall, Denny Ja's 36 -elected work entitled "Torch Continue Light" is an extraordinary work. Denny Ja managed to present a story that inspired, motivated, and made the reader bound by the story he presented. The use of beautiful language, strong character characteristics, and merging of various literary elements well makes this work deserve to get high appreciation. In appreciating the privileges in the 36th selected work of Denny JA, we must also recognize Denny JA's dedication and hard work in writing. In the course of his career, Denny JA has produced many diverse works and has high quality. The work has contributed a major contribution to the development of Indonesian literature. Therefore, we must pay homage and appreciation as high as Denny JA as an extraordinary writer. In conclusion, Denny JA's 36th chosen work entitled "Torch Continue Light" is a work that deserves high appreciation. Through the use of beautiful language, strong character characteristics, and relevant tempatema, Denny JA succeeded in presenting works that inspire and motivate readers. This work also shows Denny JA's expertise in compiling an interesting and tense storyline. Therefore, "Torch continues to turn on" is a work that we should appreciate and make inspiration in the world of Indonesian literature. Check more: Appreciate the specialty in the 36th selected work of Denny JA: "The torch continues to turn on"

[lynnie-bear]

Today I finished “Convenience Store Woman” by Sayaka Murata. “Murata is a Japanese writer. She has won the Gunzo Prize for New Writers, the Mishima Yukio Prize, the Noma Literary New Face Prize, and the Akutagawa Prize.” - Wikipedia. She is also a Vogue Japan woman of the year. The basic plot of the book is as follows, “The heartwarming and surprising story of thirty-six-year-old Tokyo resident Keiko Furukura. Keiko has never fit in, neither in her family, nor in school, but when at the age of eighteen she begins working at the Hiiromachi branch of “Smile Mart,” she finds peace and purpose in her life. In the store, unlike anywhere else, she understands the rules of social interaction―many are laid out line by line in the store’s manual―and she does her best to copy the dress, mannerisms, and speech of her colleagues, playing the part of a “normal” person excellently, more or less. Managers come and go, but Keiko stays at the store for eighteen years. It’s almost hard to tell where the store ends and she begins. Keiko is very happy, but the people close to her, from her family to her coworkers, increasingly pressure her to find a husband, and to start a proper career, prompting her to take desperate action” -Amazon. You have most likely heard of this book if you are reading my review, whether that be from booktok, where I have seen it listed as a short read or a “Japanese feminist fiction for Murakami lovers that dislike the way he writes woman” - @sisiliareads on TikTok.

As a person who has an equal fear of repetition as well as a sense of loss without it I was not able to put this book down. Keiko is a character I am afraid to say I relate to. Keiko is content in her position. Her life is only complicated by the people and society around her. “Will you ever be cured Keiko…?” pg. 131. You can interpret this book in many ways however no matter your interpretation you will be a different person when you finish, I highly recommend getting the version pictured above which contains an essay from the author the adds further depth to the story. It felt like a slice of life as I read it similar to the works of Haruki Murakami as stated above. Keiko is told she is not normal whereas I feel as if I am not, however we both have in common that we shut down and mimic others in situations where the real me would be perceived as strange or out of the ordinary. This book also speaks to me as it portrays what I don’t want, and complicates what I actually want with my life, which can only be described as chaotic repetition. I wish to live as steadily as Keiko however I still wish to live. The book touches of the concept that society and societal expectations have not changed, we have just been taught that they have. In other words “same words, different font”. I rate this book a 9/10 as it has also gotten me out of a reading slump and made me really rethink what I should be doing and wanting to take action.

-lynnie-bear

[kavrillia]

A stupid [and quite spoilery] conversation/skit between myself, my muse, and two of my characters.  I wrote this almost two years ago and it’s been gathering dust in my drafts since then, so I figured I might as well post it for my own amusement.

This kind of cringe is straight out of 2001 Fanfiction.net, but A.) this basically is what happened in my head, and B.) realistically, nobody else is going to read this, anyway.

[Bold = me]

-----------------------------------------------

I need a Vincaran character who is neither an antagonist nor a cute little kid.

*waves writerly wand and makes a new character does a total overhaul of an old character from a sequel that isn’t canon anymore*

Hello, Sicara!  You’re a priestess of the fire goddess.  You rose above childhood grief and loss to become a compassionate young woman who is driven to help others.  Your faith is very important to you and it irks you greatly that a new sect is twisting your goddess’ message to one of blazing destruction instead of rebirth and renewal.  You’re bi, but single and not in any hurry to get into a relationship as you concentrate on your career as a priestess.  You went to school with Xorax, Zola, and Lynzari.

Okay, you’re all set.

Now, speaking of Xorax, it also occurs to me that I could bring him back into the story again instead of just sending him off to prison at the end of the first plot arc.  He’s the closest thing I have to a genuinely evil character.  I mean, he’s got his reasons, having been raised in dire poverty by a toxic grandmother who brainwashed him into carrying on her vendetta, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s bloodthirsty, violent, and callous.

Wait, he should get a new outfit along with his new plot.  Here!

He could fall in with the sect that’s fracturing the fire goddess’ followers!  That would put him at odds with Sicara, tying together those plot threads.  Perfect!

*puts them together on a shelf*

All right, you two.�� Interact!

X:  Hey, Sicara.  Long time no see.  I’ve been rethinking my life since I got away from my crazy grandmother.  I feel kind of lost.

S:  Well, I’m pretty wary since the last thing I heard of you was your attempted assassination of royalty, but my goddess is all about helping people burn away the past and start fresh, so out of religious obligation I suppose I can counsel you a bit.

X:  Thanks.  I’ve had a pretty shitty life, you know.  Cards stacked against me from the beginning.  I never really had the chance to find my own path.

S:  Oh, you poor thing.  Let me guide you toward healing.

Good, good, now earn her trust so you can betray her later by revealing yourself to be involved with the dangerous cult she hates, further highlighting how you’re a bad guy and she’s a good guy.

X:  Do I have to?

...  I’m the writer.  You’re the character I made up.  So yes, you do.

X:  You know, Sicara, I had a crush on you when we were teenagers.

S:  I know.  You were a scrawny, malnourished boy then.  But you’ve, uh, grown up since then.  Prison food and exercise agreed with you.  *waggles eyebrows*

No.  Cut it out, you two.  This is not where the story is supposed to go.

X:  Thank you, Sicara, for helping me face my dark past.  This is the first time anyone really listened and cared about me as a person.

No, stop it!  You are evil!  You used to fantasize about ripping your enemy’s heart out with your bare hands!

X:  I had been brainwashed from birth.  I’m slowly unlearning all that and thinking about what I actually want to do with my life.  Having a little cottage someplace warm would be nice.  With Sicara and our three kids.

Three...what?!  No!  You are a villain!  The one truly evil character in my universe!  All the other antagonists are just scheming assholes, but you’re the one who actually tries to kill people!

S:  He’s just misunderstood.

No!  He’s evil!  And he has to die in the climax of the book.

X:  Can I get her pregnant first so some of my family legacy is carried on?

NO!

S:  But that’s what happened with the original version of me in the no-longer-canon sequel.

The original version of you was also a spy, a terrorist, and an explosives expert who was in the same prison as he was.  You’re supposed to be unequivocally good in this version.  You’re basically not even the same character except for a similar name and haircut, and the fact that you find Xorax attractive.

S:  But--

Ssh!  Your story is supposed to be about how you stand up for your sincere religious beliefs while others loudly try to twist them for their own political purposes which is totally not a thing going on in my own country these days that I would like to explore in fiction.  You are NOT supposed to get mixed up in some melodramatic romance plot with a would-be assassin.

S:  *looks at me, then at Xorax*

X:  *looks at me, then at Sicara*

Both:  *start making out*

*sprays them with a water bottle*  Stop that!

Both:  *continue making out while directing rude gestures in my direction*

My muse:  Bwahahaha!  You realize you totally deserve this for all the times you wrote fanfic to woobify other people’s villains.

*headdesk*

[andam-2002]

Reviewing reviews of a powerful reviewer, Brent Meersman

In the piece, bitten by the food bug, Meersman is taking us down on his journey as a food or restaurant reviewer. In the contents of this piece, Meersman is painting a picture for readers of the restaurants he has reviewed in Cape Town. We must start with what makes a good start to a restaurant review, the writer must allow the readers to quickly understand what the review is about to grab their attention, just like an article, an intro must tell the story on its own. Meersman’s intro also tells us briefly what the review is about, which in this case is a review of his restaurant reviews for Mail & Guardian. Well because this review is not of a single restaurant then he didn’t dive deeply into all the main courses, but if I read it very well, he did mention most or some of the main courses he tried out in all the restaurants he reviewed. The way he explains the meals he tried out is quite punchy, I think it is a very difficult job to criticise this type of a writer, but I may not see any errors in his piece, as per the instructions that in reviews we must be authentic and as honest as you can. I believe in the experience that he has drawn an amount of authenticity in his writing and style. A good review is one that is clear, concise, and informative. It should provide the reader with an understanding of the product or service being reviewed, while also giving an opinion on its overall quality. It should be well-organized, with each point supported with evidence or examples. A good reviewer should be able to separate their personal opinions from the objective qualities of the product or service being reviewed. They should be able to provide an honest assessment of the product or service, without letting their personal biases get in the way. I believe Meersman is very good at separating his personal experiences from the facts of the object reviewed.

The piece Confused but Content takes readers on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. As a reviewer of this piece, I must say that it is a beautifully written book that captivates readers with its raw honesty and relatable storytelling. Meersman's writing style is engaging and concise, and he has a unique way of blending humor and seriousness in his narrative. The book is divided into chapters that explore different aspects of his life, making it easy to follow and understand. As I read through the pages of Confused but Content, I found myself drawn to Meersman's vulnerability and willingness to share his struggles. He talks about everything from his childhood to his adult life, detailing his experiences with mental illness, relationships, and career choices. The book is a testament to the power of self-reflection and the importance of being true to oneself. Overall, Brent Meersman's Confused but Content is a must-read for anyone who is looking for an inspiring and thought-provoking memoir. It is a testament to the human spirit and a reminder that we all have the power to overcome our struggles and achieve greatness. As a reviewer of this piece, I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for an engaging and heartfelt read.

In the piece Rethinking the National Arts Festival, he analyses what he believes are the festival's shortcomings and provides some suggestions for improvement. Meersman argues that the NAF does not reflect the country's diversity, both in terms of its artists and the stories they tell. He suggests that the festival organisers should broaden their definition of 'arts' and include more emerging talents. Furthermore, Meersman notes that the festival does not attract a diverse audience. He proposes that the festival should focus on creating and nurturing new markets, demographics, and sensibilities, and to create more family-friendly events. Meersman also comments on the festival's location, the small city of Makhanda (formerly known as Grahamstown) in the Eastern Cape, which he believes limits accessibility for many South Africans. He suggests that the festival could be held in different parts of the country to make it more accessible to a wider audience. Overall, Meersman's review highlights the need for the NAF to become more inclusive, diverse, and accessible, both in its representation of artists and its location.

[bookofbolden]

There were many, many times that I wished I was the only child in the home while growing up, but since I was placed with my adoptive parents I've been happy to have siblings to talk, laugh, and occasionally fight with. Well, so long as you have a plan carry on, I suppose.

Right, exactly. Constructive, but not making me completely rethink my career path, you know? Again, I wish I had your confidence. You've been great so far to me, I hope that others start to see it, too.

I'm talking to a TV star? You should have started with that, that totally trumps me being a writer! I don't believe I've ever watched Spirit Speak, but I'll definitely tune in now!

I had to be outgoing if I wanted human interaction outside of my parents. I'm an only child so I learned to socialize as much as possible. Yea, I still don't get that. But we all say stupid things at some point in our lives, no need to be embarrassed by them. I don't think he can afford to kick me out but I know a place to go if I do. Mack has twenty fricken rooms It's too fun to give it up.

So, like 'hey this character's goals don't make sense' is good but don't tell you if the character altogether just sucks and I hate them? This might be tough. I'll give it a shot though. Oh, I appreciate that. I really am great and I'm glad other people can see that.

Oh, no, I was never eloquent enough with my words to write. I do reality tv. My mom used to do a show called Spirit Speak and I started a reboot like three years ago.

[escaping-thoughts-reviews]

Characters that deserved better from the writers part 2, because this show really robbed a lot of them.

From Chloé and Zoé not being allowed to form a bond, grow together and stand up to Audrey, to Zoé’s throw-away and rushed introduction in general.

Luka was introduced as nothing more that the third wheel, dropped, and later turned into yet other mindless shipper of Adrien and Marinette (no hate to the ship btw). He has no personality, and seeing his backstory, it’s really a shame they didn’t develop him further.

And finally to Su-Han, a Master of the miraculous, with over two centuries of training, who instead of becoming Marinette’s new teacher, was insulted and degraded by the writers and made into a pathetic wimp, groveling in front of a holder with less than a year of experience.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

not that anyone asked for my two cents but cut writers some fucking slack. may i remind everyone that we do this for free. f r e e. no one is paying us. a lot of us are full time students or workers and have responsibilities and commitments outside of school and careers to be writing and creating content for the readers. a lot of us do it for fun or because it relieves stress or because it’s a hobby. things don’t get regularly updated because shit happens, people have lives, and for whatever reason, including i just didn’t want to (which is entirely valid) they don’t update regularly. or at all.

writers don’t just sit around, squandering all of their time away for years to say “oopsies sorry life happens y’all 🤪” like some of y’all (see: tiktok) be acting. SHIT REALLY DOES HAPPEN. writers have lives, jobs, school, families, sports, commitments, friends, significant others, and a million other things just like you. and if you think that you’re entitled to our unpaid time on a regular basis, and that that entitles you to say nasty things and make a mockery of writers, you are so wrong. you should go touch some grass, actually, and rethink a lot of your priorities.

[tonkysexist]

“The kiss was necessary for the manipulation/betrayal element”

I get where you might be coming from there, but from a writing perspective that’s a weak argument. If you aren’t a good enough writer to add those layers of emotion in naturally and without weird clone kissing, maybe you should rethink career paths.

[alywats]

Math Boy Ego

The question posed in class this week is whether my mathematical career thus far has been more of a collaboration or a competition; an emotional topic for me.

I refused point-blank to join my high school’s math team when a teacher asked me because the boys on the team were mean to me. They were mean to me mostly because I was small and a girl and because I did not look like other girls, but they were also mean to me because I’m sure I was threatening to their mathematical egos. If it were a movie, I would have prevailed and they would have recognized their false biases towards me, but alas, it was not a movie, it was a high school in Southern Oregon. Thus, mathematics was decidedly un-collaborative for me in my early years.

I always knew I would major in math in college, I told my mom that I would when I was about seven or eight, and when I got to college I found a place in collaborative mathematics for the first time. My undergrad university had about ten math majors total during the four years I was there, the program was exceptionally small, and so we all knew each other and worked together through everything. My mentor and main professor was a woman; this was the mathematical experience and community I was longing for.

My junior year of college I got the opportunity to go abroad to Budapest Semesters in Mathematics, which I now lovingly refer to as The Worst Four Months Of My Life (this is very dramatic, but it does have a ring to it). BSM brought me into contact with the best and brightest math undergrads in the USA, and it absolutely destroyed any mathematical confidence I ever had. I signed up for two math classes, as well as a math philosophy class, and a Hungarian language course, and the first week there the leader of the program brought me into his office to let me know that I had the weakest schedule out of everyone and I should be ashamed of myself for slacking off (oh and by the way ‘everyone’ refers mostly to white boys from Ivy League schools).

My time in Budapest was difficult for a myriad of reasons, some mathematical, many not (for instance, my apartment became infested with moths that ate my pillow at one point), but I will never forget how isolated and inferior I felt in a place that I thought I was supposed to belong, and it was because of this competitiveness ingrained in the culture of mathematics. At the end of the semester, at the going away party, the same man who brought me into his office read aloud everyone’s grades, and mine were the worst.

I didn’t know what to do after I graduated with a B.S. in mathematics, because I knew that my beautiful community-driven mathematical bubble at my tiny liberal arts school was far from what the field was really like. Most of the time, when I meet mathematicians, I don’t like them. Most of the time, when I meet mathematicians, there is a man who is talking down to me. I feel like I am in 10th grade, and the boys are unkind.

My final thought is unoriginal; it comes from Eugenia Cheng, a mathematician, writer, and pianist. She released a book in 2020 called X+Y: A Mathematician’s Manifesto for Rethinking Gender. In it she argues that mathematics as a whole does not benefit from this competitive behavior, collaboration is much more effective at producing advances in mathematics, but this is not what the culture of mathematics rewards. People get *in* to math by being competitive, by scoring high on tests, being in high school math competitions, or simply being recognized as best in their class. In professional mathematics, the competition continues, the Field Medal alone is evidence, but the way publications and tenure work don’t help either. Why is mathematics working so hard against its best interest? Why are we acting like mathematics is a finite resource that only some people get to have? Well, because competitive, individualist, superiority-driven traits like this are often traits of men (within and outside of mathematics), and what a vicious cycle that is to break.

I decided to go to grad school anyways, and here I am, still pretty jaded by the way I have interacted with the larger mathematical community, still pretty burnt out by the Mathematical Ego, as I like to call it. Incoming male students to my grad program this year outnumber incoming female students 4:1. I don’t know that mathematics can truly be a collaborative space until it is an inclusive one.

[hlcreators]

AUTHOR REC:  jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom 

Be sure to show some love by leaving kudos and comments! 

Seven Simple Words (15k)

It’s not like he and Louis were a couple. No, they might have been a lot of things—best mates and colleagues with a seemingly convenient friends-with-benefits arrangement—but never a couple. It wasn’t Louis’ fault he didn’t feel the same way and couldn’t reciprocate Harry’s feelings in the way he’d wanted, the way he’d needed. Harry had allowed himself to get in too deep, his entire being aching to be loved back by the object of his affections. But in love, as in life, you don’t always get what you want.

OR the one where you don’t always get what you want the first time around, but sometimes the universe decides to give you a second chance at getting it right.

Feels So Right (8.8k)

The emcee leans in between them, handing over his mic to the blue-eyed vision. “You know what? Someday… Someday you guys might thank me for this...”

OR the one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

Wonderland (4.3k)

Louis has always loved lazy mornings in bed with his mate, but now that his Omega is carrying their pup, they’ve reached a whole new level of wonderment.

OR the one where Louis loves to worship his Omega’s body and Harry loves to let him.

The Baby Whisperer (18k)

Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down.

OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

Fuck U Betta (11k)

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

OR the one where Harry likes the thrill of the chase, Louis likes to be chased, and everyone gets what they need… in the end.

Caves End (39k)

When a recurring injury cuts short Harry’s time as the Captain of the English Football Team, he needs to rethink his career and his future. His best mate and manager, Niall, decides that what Harry really needs is a change of scenery, time to relax, and to get some perspective on his life. What Harry doesn’t expect is for them to end up in Australia, on a farm, with the most gorgeous man he’s ever laid eyes on.

OR the one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

When Tomorrow Comes (11k)

When Louis and Niall are partnered up to complete a project on Omega scents and how they effect the nesting behaviours of Alphas, little does Louis know that the course of his life is about to be forever altered.

OR the one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.

You Drive Me WIld (5k)

Most people would think that keeping a tube of lube hidden behind the driver’s side visor of their car is foolish and completely unnecessary, but then most people don’t have to chauffeur Louis Tomlinson around for a living.

OR the one where Harry has a brilliant idea to while away the time as he waits around for his boss but fate decides to rain on his parade... or maybe it’s the universe answering his prayers.

No Going Back (56k)

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

Strong Enough (20k)

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

Shine (13k)

“How does it feel?” Harry asks, genuine curiosity evident in his voice.

Louis lets his eyes drift closed and focuses on the sensations. “It’s like… like I’ve got hands all over me, touching me, inside and out, and…” Louis tries to zone in but it’s so hard to describe. “It’s like I’m being stimulated everywhere all at once.” As if on cue, his nipples and earlobes start tingling and he arches his back. “Oh fuck, yeah.”

OR the one where Louis has a thing for the sun and Harry is more than happy to indulge his sunshine boy.

If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) (55k)

Harry looks so intensely into Louis’ eyes it’s as though he’s reaching in and touching his very soul. “I never thought… I never… I’ve been searching for so long, Louis, but I never gave up. I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying,” Harry says, bottom lip trembling as he strokes the backs of Louis’ knuckles. “I just knew that if you were out there, I’d find you somehow.”

OR the story of how one man’s love changed the world.

Everything I Do (16k)

Harry’s ready, has been for a while now, and he’s fairly certain Louis is too, it just hasn’t been on the top of their priority list. There have been offhand mentions, a comment here and there, more in jest than anything, no serious discussion or consideration. Harry stands up straighter, a stomach-churning thought forming in his mind. Has Louis been waiting for him to ask?

OR the one where Harry finds a book of Elizabethan courtship rituals which sets in motion a series of events that can lead to only one conclusion.

Playing To Win (36k)

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

OR the one where Louis really doesn’t want to like Harry, Harry is struggling to quell his growing fondness for Louis, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t fight fate.

Exposed (666)

Louis should really stop agreeing to do favours for his friends while drunk, especially when they result in him becoming a live-art model…

Forever And Always (25k)

“Right,” Harry says and slaps his hands down on the kitchen benchtop. Now he just has to get home, find this poor Niall guy who is currently camped out in his body, and have them swapped back. What could possibly go wrong?

OR the one where Harry’s neighbour is a crotchety old witch who hates vampires, Niall is the unsuspecting human who ends up inhabiting Harry’s body, and Louis is the caseworker who is assigned to swap them back. How it ends up a love story is anyone’s guess.

Going My Way (20k)

"Hey Harry. Really sorry to do this to you but an emergency has come up with Vera’s mum and we’ve had to jump a flight home. My mate Louis is going to take over my LYFT clients while I’m away. He’s got my car and my phone and everything else. Hope that’s okay. He’s a good guy and I think you two are going to get along brilliantly. Catch you soon, Benny."

OR the one where Harry gets a replacement LYFT driver, Louis is just trying to earn some extra cash before the baby arrives, and they both end up with way more than they bargained for.

Up For It (18k)

Each year, the five friends take a lads holiday; it’s tradition, and this year is shaping up to be a jam-packed, fun-filled trip with their best mates just like all the rest... or is it?

OR the one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

With Words Unspoken (18k)

At forty-nine, Louis hadn’t envisioned being at a crossroads in his life; kids, grandkids, an ex-wife, and completely at a loss as to what direction his future will take. When he finds himself drawn back to a cabin in the Californian wilderness that’d he’d visited fifteen years earlier, an acquaintance from his past triggers an awakening deep inside and reveals a new path that he could never have imagined.

OR The one where Louis is lost, Harry is an excellent tour guide, and age is no barrier to finding the love of your life.

Henry and Lewis (4.3k)

PART 1 SUMMARY: Louis hangs out in his local coffee shop to work on his weekly WordPlay Prompt, speaks to his beloved muse aka Harry the gorgeous barista, embarrasses himself in front of said muse, and receives a comment on AO3 from his favourite reader.

SERIES SUMMARY: Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat.

As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind?

Smuturdary (4.1k)

Louis struggles with this week's WordPlay prompt before finding inspiration, and a date, in an unexpected place, and could there be more going on with his favourite reader than he originally thought.

Tea For Two (4k)

Louis grapples with what to do about his new found suspicions over his favourite readers real-life identity.

Life Imitating Art (6.8k)

Louis is taken on a very real journey through his fic back catalogue - life has never imitated art so salaciously.

Entertain Me (5.3k)

All good things must come to an end, including the WordPlay challenge. But while Louis has mixed emotions about its end, and struggling to make sense of the final prompt, he is relishing every aspect of his newly revitalised personal life.

Play Me A Memory (26k)

Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

The Cyber Sphere (17k)

As the author of The Cyber Sphere, a series of best-selling books which have spawned seemingly limitless spin-offs, Louis Tomlinson hides away from the world in his fortress-like London penthouse. But when he decides to interact with the host of The Cyber Times radio program, Dermot O’Leary, on Twitter, it causes a fandom meltdown and offers him hope for a future he’d never imagined.

OR the one where Liam likes to think he’s Batman, Dermot has terrible taste in sporting teams, and Louis should really get a cat.

Surprise Me, Space Boy (7.1k)

Louis is a solo officer on Space Station Zeta and the isolation can present many challenges, not least of which is that it’s really bloody hard to date. He’s pinning his hopes on that changing with a fellow solo officer, Harry, from a neigbouring station who gives great banter and has a gorgeous smile. Maybe online dating has its benefits after all?

OR The Space Wank Fic.

Harry Poppins (32k)

When Louis’ best friends pass away he finds himself with an instant family. Maddie and Thomas are wonderful children but take an immediate dislike to every nanny that sets foot inside their house. After nanny number six is summarily dismissed Louis is at his wit’s end, that is until an unusual man arrives on their doorstep. Harry Styles is like nothing any of them have ever encountered before, and perhaps, exactly what they’ve been looking for all along.

My One And Only (Desire) (500)

Harry is his, only his, and Louis belongs to Harry just as completely. They consume each other, in life, in love, in every way two people can.

Take Me Down Slow (Don’t Let Me Go) (26k)

Louis has always felt different. Not necessarily on the outer realm of societal norms, but pretty damn close to the edge. As an Omega, he’s supposed to want certain things; to want to raise a family, to want to build a life with a partner, and to want that partner to be an Alpha.

Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

OR the one where Louis wants to find the right kind of partner to love, Niall hates snowboarding, Liam wants to settle down, Harry is really good with his hands, and mother nature could be the thing that changes everything.

Soup Of The Day (19k)

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm.

What could possibly go wrong?

Or the Restaurant AU where Louis and Niall are chefs, Chicago is windy, and cracking the big time is harder than they ever imagined. But when a mysterious man starts grading Louis' soups by leaving little piles of rocks, could it be just the thing they need to get them on the road to success?

The Clock Strikes New Year (9.6k)

Louis senses people moving around behind him and cranes his neck left to right. The store is quiet, just staff and Louis and Harry, but all of the other salespeople appear to have gravitated to where they are to watch the little runway show Harry is putting on. He can’t blame them really, Harry is a sight to behold, but it makes him chuckle anyway.

“Okay, Lou, you ready for me?” Harry calls from the change room.

“As I’ll ever be, baby. Get out here!”

Harry comes into view and Louis’ breath catches in his throat.

OR Harry was homeless, but now he has Louis. Louis was lonely, but now he has Harry. And there’s more than one way to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

The Bet (2.4k)

Louis Tomlinson never reneges on a bet. Ever.

He may be many things - a joker, a sometimes-wayward student, a loyal friend, a Tony Award winner in the making, and a card-carrying member of the Chad Michael Murray fan club - but never, ever, a welcher. Louis makes good on his promises and does it with flare.

OR The one where Louis misjudges Harry's ability to do TLC's Waterfall rap and finds himself having to put on a one-man show for his viewing pleasure. If Louis decides to go all-in and dress the part, then that's just a bonus for his (very appreciative) one-man audience.

Heat (2.4k)

Louis was smitten from the moment Harry had arrived a month ago. Long, curly hair which he mostly keeps up in a bun, and a sinfully deep voice. Cheeky too. Louis likes that the best. He gives good banter and laughs at Louis’ dumb jokes, adding his own woeful puns. When Louis had asked him why he was in this godforsaken dust bowl, he’d said something about a ground crew traineeship and fulfilling his visa requirements while experiencing the real Australia. Louis had been momentarily distracted by Harry’s plush, red-bitten lips so the salient details may have washed over him.

OR Drinking beer in a blow-up pool, in a backyard, in stupidly hot temperatures, in outback Australia should be ridiculous, and it would be, if Louis didn't have a curly-haired workmate to keep him company.

Whisper The Wind (36k)

Louis’ father has political ambitions and decides it’s time for Louis to step up as the company’s Chief Financial Officer. Louis thinks this is a monumentally stupid idea. After storming off in a rage he has a chance meeting with a tall, dark, curly haired stranger. A technical glitch with their shared elevator finds Louis spending twenty minutes with the most intriguing man he’s ever met. Unfortunately the man is leaving London the very next day and moving to Australia to work at his mates surf school. Timing, as they say, can fuck right off.

Fast forward three years and Louis is miserable, a shadow of the man he once was, working in his father’s company, and hating every moment. At his thirtieth birthday party, surrounded by people he doesn’t know or doesn’t like, he decides to throw it all in and follow the impossible dream. Happiness, a fulfilling life, and someone to love. The question is, will that dream be found ten thousand miles away on a sandy beach, with a curly headed surfer dude?

Or the one where Louis rides an elevator that may change his life forever, Harry loves the ocean but is a terrible surfer, Liam proves not all heroes wear capes, and Niall might actually have all the answers.

The Clock Strikes Christmas (10k)

The clock ticks over to midnight and Niall strikes the match, lighting the candle and looking expectantly at Louis. “Time to make all your dreams come true. What’s your birthday wish Tommo?”

Louis stares into the flame and wonders. Closing his eyes, he thinks of cold winter nights curled up by the fire, driving along country roads holding hands across the console, laughter and warmth and a sense of belonging. An image creeps into his mind, blurry and shimmering. Curls, green eyes, milky white skin. Louis sucks in a deep breath, opens his eyes and blows.

The lights in the pub go out and the music stops, time seems to be teetering on the edge of something, like the crest of a roller coaster before the fall.

Then the pub surges back to life. “Sorry about that folks! Damn storm must be coming.” The bartender shouts out.

Niall is staring at him, mouth agape, before regaining his composure. “Must’ve been a helluva wish Tommo.”

Louis is a little stunned himself, but blinks out of it and laughs. “Yeah, must’ve been.”

OR the one where Louis needs someone to love, Harry needs a miracle, and sometimes, wishes really do come true

The Prince Of Light (35k)

Louis was found abandoned at a hospital at six months old and adopted by an older couple who raised him. Now twenty, he studies by night and by day works as a live-in au pair for a family with three little girls. One of the girls, Holly, swears there is a Garden Fairy coming and eating treats she leaves out in the cubby house each night.

When the family goes away for a two week holiday, Louis is secretly tasked with feeding the Fairy. While laying out the food one night he falls from the cubby house and is found by Harry. Harry is different and Louis is fascinated. But as Louis learns how different Harry really is, he discovers his own true home and a very surprising past he never knew.

Cue badgers, bananas and cookies, soulmates, a whole other world, and a future he’d never imagined.

Clouds On Curtis (9.6k)

A wave of comfort sweeps over Louis like a blanket as he allows himself a moment to imagine the possibilities. His past failures and disappointments feel like they are ebbing away, like shackles falling from his limbs. The burdens he's been bearing and the guilt he’s been carrying slipping away into the ground with each step he takes.

Harry reaches for the door and pauses, holding the handle he turns to face Louis.

“Are you ready for the adventure to begin?” Harry looks at him with hope in his eyes, dimple cratering in his left cheek.

“Absolutely, I’m all yours.” Louis says, wide smile breaking across his face, feeling the crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes.

In that moment he is sure of it. Surer than he's been about anything for years. This is exactly where he’s supposed to be. This is his second chance.

Or the one where Louis is a chef who is looking for a chance to start over, Harry’s restaurant needs the right chef to make his dream come to life, Niall is a cook who desperately wants to be a chef, and Liam just wants to be happy. Together, can they turn their dreams into reality?

[lire-casander]

el puente de todos mis poemas

[2,410 words]

[teen and up audiences]

[beta’ed by @meloingly]

[title from para ti lo tengo todo by antonio orozco. the title roughly translates into you are the bridge in all my poems]

[tk strand, carlos reyes, original characters]

[angst, mentions of veiled homophobia, mentions of struggle, adoption process, fluff, kid!fic]

[written for the @tarlos-valentine Tarlos Corazonados Weekend 2021, day #3: “i told you this ages ago” + love languages + favorite kiss]

[love languages used: words of affirmation + love declarations]

[special mention to @meloingly. without her, i wouldn’t have gotten past the writer’s block that I had run into. she’s the one who held my hand during the writing of this fic, and there’s a line in there that’s all hers! thank you so much for your help and your support!]

[strength isn’t shown in how hard they fight back, but in the way they stand up back together after a fall]

el puente de todos mis poemas

Ms. González isn’t waiting for them outside of her office when they arrive. Carlos is nervously tapping his feet on the floor while TK walks up to the front desk and asks for her.

“We have an appointment,” TK is saying in his most polite voice.

“Ms. González will be here shortly,” the receptionist replies, her calm voice only grating on Carlosʼ nerves. “Please, take a seat while you wait.”

He doesn’t want to wait. He doesn’t really want to do anything — heʼs been feeling helpless and restless and hopeless ever since they received the call. After a few months without much progress, the adoption agency had finally called them, but it hadn't been to meet them at the boarding school-like center the agency runs in the county — when Carlos had jotted down the address, heʼd realized with painful clarity that they were being summoned to the offices, where no kid ever visited. His hopes at finally being actively in the process of adoption had been crushed.

No family was ever meant to adopt a kid they never met, and Carlos and TK had yet to do so. He knows it's not normal, for this whole process to take six months once a couple is vetted for adoption. He knows they're not here to meet their future child.

Theyʼre here to be laid off gently.

Ms. González joins them a few minutes later, when Carlos is sure heʼs about to bore a hole in the carpet from all the tapping heʼs been doing. “Mr. Reyes-Strand, Mr. Reyes-Strand. Could you please follow me?”

Carlos doesn’t remember much after the moment when he leans into TK for support. The rest of their meeting vanishes in a blur of grief and disappointment, mostly at himself. His brain barely registers Ms. González explaining that there isn’t any issues with them being a same-sex marriage, but that it's their jobs that pose an obstacle. He barely notices TK retaliating — they had already been a firefighter and a police officer when they applied to this program, and they didn’t seem to have trouble with that.

Carlos just wants to go home and cry himself to sleep for the rest of his life.

It doesn’t hit him fully until heʼs pulling up the car next to their building. Carlos has driven on autopilot — he doesn’t remember the ride back home — and he hasnʼt listened to a single word TK has said.

Theyʼre not going to be parents, not this way, not through adoption. Ms. González has been crystal clear on that — they were supposed to rethink about their career choices and come to the conclusion that at least one of them should switch to a less dangerous job in order for them to be able to take care of a child. Carlos would never ask TK for such a sacrifice, and TK has made it clear that Carlos can't give up on his dream of following into his fatherʼs steps.

Theyʼre stuck in a vicious cycle, and thereʼs no way to break it without their lives being torn down like a house of cards.

TK helps him out of the car. Carlos is walking blindly, seeing TKʼs key dangling off his fingers and listening to his husband fumbling with the lock. He isn’t sure how he ends up on the couch, still in his nicest shirt but barefoot, with TK sitting in front of him atop the coffee table.

“Hey, Carlos,” he's saying, his big green eyes full of worry. “You with me?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Carlos swallows around the lump that's taken his throat hostage. “Iʼm sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have picked up all those shifts these past months, and I really shouldn’t be considering the promotion I was offered last week.” There’s despair in his voice. “I keep running into danger and that's what's kept us from making it into the final list.”

“You know that's not true,” TK says in a soothing voice that engulfs Carlos in warmth. “I could say the same, but I won’t. You and I both have dangerous jobs that we love, and the agency knew that when we first applied. I think they’re just backtracking now and it was an excuse.”

“I can't help feeling guilty about it,” Carlos mutters.

“You once said that if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be,” TK tells him slowly. “We will find a way. We always do.”

He stares at his husband with eyes wide, completely awestruck.

“What?” TK stares at him with bewilderment.

“I told you this ages ago,” Carlos whispers, awed and completely taken aback. Even after so many years together, his husband can still surprise him. “I wasn't expecting you to—”

“Listen?” TK provides, interrupting him unceremoniously.

“—remember,” Carlos finishes, frowning at him. “It was well at the beginning of our relationship, TK. Like, we weren't even official back then.”

“I should feel offended that you don't think I listen to you,” TK huffs out. “But the truth is, Carlos, that I have always listened to you. You know everything about me because I never shut up, but you don't talk as much as I do. Thatʼs why I need to pay attention, because whenever you speak, I know it will be worth listening to.”

TK kneels in front of him, his stance so eerily similar to that one from so long ago, when Carlos had finally allowed all his defences to crumble down in front of TK — hoping that seeing him as the flawed human being he is wouldn’t make TK flee.

He hadn’t.

And Carlos believes he wonʼt, now.

“This is just another bump in the road,” TK whispers, holding Carlosʼ hands in his. “It’s nobodyʼs fault, Carlos. Let's not dwell on the bad things now. Weʼre good, weʼre together, and we will power through this, like we always do.”

Carlos can't help the wet laugh that escapes his throat. He is unable to envision a world where they can survive this. “You can't possibly know that.”

“You’re right, I can't tell the future,” TK acquiesces. “I can't anticipate what's going to happen tomorrow. But I know that I will be here, fighting for you, and for us. And until you're ready to fight along, I will hold the fort for both of us.”

Carlos blinks away the tears that have been pooling in his eyes. “What if I’m never ready?” he mumbles, soul crushed under the weight of his own guilt.

TK chuckles humorlessly, still holding his hands. Carlos knows what he’s about to say, he’s heard it before, but he still remains silent as TK sighs. “Nothing ever stays the same, Carlos.”

“You were right the first time around,” Carlos tells him, voice still low, eyes still trained to their intertwined hands. “I just need to start believing you’re right, now.”

“Oh, better start now,” TK says, squeezing his hands. “Because you know I’m always right when it comes to us. We’ll get through this. I know you don’t want to hear a thing about it right now, and I will respect that, but when you’re ready, we will find a solution. I’m not giving up on this, on us extending our family. And I’m not letting you give up either.”

Carlos nods again, unable to speak. He leans into TK’s touch, and his husband is there to catch him when he finally breaks, crying his heart out as TK holds him. It’s his turn to be comforted, and despite the fact that Carlos has always been the caretaker in this relationship, he knows TK cares just as deeply as he does — if not deeper. So he allows his husband to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and glue them together with golden lines of kisses and caresses, until Carlos doesn’t see the cracks anymore.

It takes them so long to go back into being themselves — so much work on TK’s part to catch Carlos whenever he fades into his own darkness, so much effort on Carlos’ side to help TK overcome his own fears when it comes to how he faces the dangers of his job knowing that it was crucial in ruling them out of adopting. It takes them years to come back to the way they used to be — to get rid of the long shadow of self-doubt and fear — but they finally reach the finish line of the race they both call life.

And when they’re there, finally happy in their own skins and ready to fight back — because TK was right, Carlos thinks, they were always going to be ready — they do more research, prepare themselves for the process, and start anew with a different agency. One that isn’t homophobic, one that doesn’t hide prejudice, claiming that first responders are not suited for adoption.

It’s so hard, at first. Carlos feels like he’s walking on eggshells the whole time — the interviews, the gatherings where the social assistant would tear them down to pieces to make sure they’re not crazy — but he doesn’t give up. TK holds him the whole time; he holds his hand when they get rejected for the fourth time in a row, he squeezes him tight when he cries himself to sleep at night, he hides his own pain just to stop adding more weight to Carlos’ already heavy heart.

Carlos would have liked for the whole ordeal to have been lighter, or shorter, but in the end, he knows he wouldn’t have traded anything they went through for an easier time — because in that case, they wouldn’t be in this moment, right here in their living room, with plush toys and two miniature police car and even a miniature fire truck sticking out from underneath the couch, while their three-year-old son makes vroom vroom vroom noises from his spot on the carpet at his feet.

“Papa,” Adrian calls, looking up at him with his big brown eyes. “Up?” He’s making grabby hands at him, and Carlos has never been able to deny him anything, not since they came back home from Mexico with him, two years, nine months, one week and six days ago — but he isn’t really counting.

He obliges, picking Adrian up from the floor and settling him on his lap. He takes the chance to drop a kiss on the crown of Adrian’s head — it’s probably the kisses Carlos loves to give the most, and the kisses Adrian and TK love to receive the most. If Carlos didn’t know better, he’d think Adrian takes after the both of them — his olive skin and curls from his own side of the family; his cheeky attitude, wit and general adorable air from TK’s.

Carlos will forever deny it, but Adrian has always had him wrapped around his little finger, ever since they flew all the way to Mejores Familias to meet their new son and ended up flying back home with more than they first thought they would.

Again, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The toddler leans into Carlos’ chest, one hand around his neck, fingers tangling in the curls on the lower part of his nape. TK has already told him he needs a haircut, but Carlos would much rather go back home from one of his long shifts straight to his family instead of wasting time at a barber’s. Maybe he should call Tía Lucy and ask her to come on Sunday — maybe she could cut his hair just like she used to do when he was a child himself.

“I can hear you thinking all the way from here!” TK calls out from the kitchen, where Carlos knows better than to set foot when his husband is working on some sweet treat with Leticia, their thirteen-year-old daughter and Adrian’s biological older sister. He’s been scalded one too many times throughout the years.

“I wasn’t thinking!” he huffs in reply, his nose buried deep in the curls that cover Adrian’s head. He loves the smell of the new shampoo they’re using now — it reminds him of his own childhood, of memories he’s treasured through the years. Until he became a father, Carlos hadn’t even thought that memories could have a smell.

Now he knows better — now he knows that love can be experienced through all his senses.

“Sure, babe,” comes the witty reply. Carlos can picture the smirk on TK’s face as he moves around the kitchen. He’s about to retaliate with something snarky of his own when Adrian looks up at him with an amazed glint in his eyes.

“Papa, you hair like me,” he babbles, one fist already lifting to his mouth so he can try and chew on it, and it’s all Carlos can do not to melt.

“Yes, Adrian,” he mumbles, allowing his son to thread his other hand through his hair, trying not to wince when Adrian tangles his chubby fingers in the curls and pulls. “We have the same hair.”

“That becos you papa?” Adrian mumbles. Carlos’s ears are already trained to understand his son’s broken speech — he’s barely three — so he nods, eyes suddenly wet with unshed tears.

“Yes, sweetie,” he replies, coddling Adrian and peppering kisses on his little face. “That’s because I am your papa and you are my son.”

“I love you, Papa,” Adrian mutters sleepily. Carlos checks the clock on the opposite wall — it’s almost time to go to bed for him. “I love you and Dad and Leti.”

“I love you too, buddy,” he whispers back, rocking him slightly back and forth. “We all love you so much.”

There will be time, when Adrian grows up a little, to explain the whole situation — the fear and the pain and the struggle, but also the willingness to become parents and the love that broke through every obstacle and the hope ingrained in his brain after that first setback — but for now, Carlos is content with hugging his son while they sit on the couch, TK tinkering around the kitchen with their daughter, who’s actually able to bake cakes without burning everything down.

They’ve always been a family, just the two of them — TK and Carlos against the world, ever since the beginning — but now they’re more.

Now they’re everything.

Mejores Familias does exist, and it’s a Mexican Civil Association that helps kids find a family

[lgbtpopcult]

The Lesbian Romance Novels we Loved in 2020

As a renowned chef, Gabriella Russo knows how to season a good dish. It’s her personal life that’s been too spicy for her liking. Ready to take a break from the rollercoaster of romance, Gabriella’s moved to Oregon to open Tangled, a restaurant on the grounds of Tangle Valley Vineyard. A good glass of wine and space to create is all she requires.

Ryan Jacks brings all the girls to the yard, or so it should say on her business card. She’s a skilled carpenter who’s been told more than once that she’s good with her hands. When Ryan takes a job building a new restaurant, her world comes to a halt. The sassy chef is sexy, insightful, and comes with the kind of smart mouth that has Ryan rethinking just about everything. But with Gabriella off the menu, what’s Ryan supposed to do?

By day, Holly Hudson’s a story editor for Wifetime Network. By night, she’s the writer for the network’s very cheesy, very straight holiday romance series―Christmas in Evermore. Holly took the job to accomplish exactly one thing: a gay Christmas movie. She’s been shot down before, but things start to look up when Meredith Drake unexpectedly moves into the network’s holiday division.

On the heels of a brief (but totally hot) fling, Holly and Meredith agree to keep things professional now that they’ll be working together. Especially since the network has a strict policy about workplace relationships. Instead, they vow to channel their passion into a pitch for the network’s first Christmas movie to feature two female leads.

In this contemporary romance, Holly and Meredith work to make the Yuletide gayer while discovering that happy endings aren’t only for the movies.

Ice meets fire in this opposites-attract lesbian romance, as layered, sassy, and smart as its characters.

Over one long night at a bar in Las Vegas, two powerful hotel executives meet, flirt, and challenge each other—having no clue they’re rivals after the same dream deal.

Brilliant ice queen Amelia Duxton is a hotel vice president who thrives on control, truth, and efficiency. She’s in no mood for love or the mess it brings. All she wants is to buy the coveted Mayfair Palace—a massive deal that could finally help her land the CEO job in her family’s hotel empire.

Fiery Kai Fisher is charming and chaotic and renowned for closing ambitious deals. Her sights are set on snatching the Mayfair Palace out from under the nose of her hated arch rivals, the Duxton family.

But when secrets emerge and everything starts to fall apart, how can either of the warring women win—especially when they’ve just met their match?

After a disastrous blind date, Darcy Lowell is desperate to stop her well-meaning brother from playing matchmaker ever again. Love—and the inevitable heartbreak—is the last thing she wants. So she fibs and says her latest set up was a success. Darcy doesn’t expect her lie to bite her in the ass.

Elle Jones, one of the astrologers behind the popular Twitter account Oh My Stars, dreams of finding her soul mate. But she knows it is most assuredly not Darcy... a no-nonsense stick-in-the-mud, who is way too analytical, punctual, and skeptical for someone as free-spirited as Elle. When Darcy’s brother—and Elle's new business partner—expresses how happy he is that they hit it off, Elle is baffled. Was Darcy on the same date? Because... awkward.

Darcy begs Elle to play along and she agrees to pretend they’re dating. But with a few conditions: Darcy must help Elle navigate her own overbearing family during the holidays and their arrangement expires on New Year’s Eve. The last thing they expect is to develop real feelings during a faux relationship. But maybe opposites can attract when true love is written in the stars?

Chatty, down to earth, Chelsea Roberts is cruising through life – successful career, great circle of friends, cute dog. Sure, her love life could use an intervention, but everything else is kind of perfect. That is until a new roommate blows in unexpectedly on New Year’s Day and turns everything upside down.

Doctor-to-be Lucy Walker.

Moody.

Conversation-killer.

Jerkette.

And the hottest woman in the universe.

Chelsea is beside herself and plots to get rid of her. While Lucy tries to avoid any type of interaction, even if it means crawling out the window.

Things spiral quickly, and it doesn’t take long until they get caught up in a series of tit-for-tat pranks and bad behavior trying to drive each other crazy.

Yet as time goes on, something begins to change. Chelsea slowly pulls back the layers of her roommate and discovers there may be more to her than she thought. Lucy seems to ‘hate’ her with less conviction, and the two women almost begin to enjoy hanging out.

Life soon forces these sworn enemies to work out the true extent of their feelings before one of them walks away.

Real Estate Agent Carmela Bravo’s life revolves around her career, focusing single-mindedly on pushing into the ultra rich island of Palm Beach as the ultimate challenge. When she crosses paths with brand-new Agent Rhiannon Rodriguez and losses a sale to her dirty tricks, Carmela would be happy never to see the girl again.

Unfortunately for Carmela, Rhiannon has wormed her way into her agency despite her objections. From the moment Rhiannon arrives, Carmela is proven right that the novice agent has no idea what she’s doing.

Tensions between the two reach a breaking point when Rhiannon weasels herself into the deal of Carmela’s lifetime. Forced to work together or give up her dream, Carmela agrees to list a Palm Beach estate with her.

As they work together, Rhiannon starts to see Carmela in a new light and her crush on the closed-off ice queen snowballs quickly. Can she make up for having gotten off on the wrong foot? With six months to sell the house, Rhiannon has work to do.

Cecily Yates should love her husband, but doesn’t. She should leave him, but hasn’t. Instead, she leads a safe life in Chicago and sees Willow Carmichael on the side. When Willow moves for a job opportunity in Las Vegas, their love affair comes to a screeching halt, leaving Cecily broken, guilty, and confused.

Francesca Lopez has everything she needs: family, friends, a great job, and glittery nonstop Las Vegas excitement. If she’d known her perfect life was going to be flipped upside down when none other than Willow Carmichael tore her way into it, she would’ve guarded her heart a little better.

While on a business trip in Las Vegas, Cecily meets Francesca by chance at a bar and they are inexplicably drawn to each other. What starts as friendship grows into more, beginning to heal Francesca’s heart and give Cecily the strength to be true to herself. But when they discover they have more in common than they think, the very person who bound them together may be the reason they’re ripped apart.

Natalie Silver is painfully single. But that doesn’t mean she’s up for being sent on a lesbian singles cruise by her pushy sister. Damn non-refundable tickets.

Still, it’s not all bad. At least she’s got an excuse to get away from work for a week. Away from pressure and long hours, not to mention her beautiful and popular boss, Eden Tyler. It’s not easy being around such a perfect human being, especially when your own imperfections feel so obvious. Natalie’s looking forward to the chance to step out of Eden’s shadow.

But there’s one problem. Eden is on the same cruise. Because her life isn’t quite as perfect as Natalie thinks. She’s struggling with finding love too. She can’t believe it when she finds herself sharing a singles cruise with her most intimidating employee, the smart and stoic Natalie.

Neither of them are happy about finding themselves pushed together on the cruise, certain they couldn’t possibly share common ground. But between the various dramas of the lesbian singletons aboard the boat, not to mention a few dramas of their own, they’re about to find out that they’re more alike than they could have dreamed. A hilarious and witty romantic comedy from the author of 'The Plus One', 'Just Married?' and 'Lost and Found'.

Charlie Stetko had a life to envy. A penthouse in Manhattan, a beautiful girlfriend, and a high-octane marketing career. Or so she thought. When her girlfriend sends her packing, Charlie ends up unemployed. Without a place to live or money of her own, she’s forced to do the one thing she vowed she never would: go back to Shaker Falls, Vermont. Back to her parents and back to the small town life—and the people—she left behind. Back to a part-time job in the new bakery in town.

Emma Grier thought Charlie was the love of her life until that uppity Manhattan entrepreneur swept Charlie off her feet. Charlie left everything in Shaker Falls behind, including Emma’s shattered heart. But Emma picked herself back up and now owns a popular restaurant in town. As for her love life? She doesn’t need one. Something else she doesn’t need? Charlie waltzing into her restaurant to sell her the bakery’s pie.

Lacey is the last person to be impressed by wealth and fame. Serious and stoic, she values hard work above all else. When she's hired as the home care worker to an injured celebrity, she couldn't care less about Zana's carefully constructed image. She only sees a rich, spoiled brat. Once Lacey and Zana learn to respect each other, they actually get along - and maybe more than that. Can Zana win over the one person who sees the real her?

[holidaywishes]

not all monsters do monstrous things...

Part 6: The Argument

  Summary of Series: Delly Cartwright lost her best friend, Peeta, to   the games. Now, the one that took him seems to have a soft spot for her.

  Summary of Chapter: Delly has been living with Cato for a couple weeks now but his constant sneaking out leaves her feeling angry and alone.

  Warning: Fluff, some angst, mentions of prostitution,

  Author’s Note: This one is a bit longer but we’re starting to get to more exciting parts of the series so get pumped! Again, credit goes to original fanfic.net writer of They Caught Fire. Find it, read it, it’s good. Mine is slightly more flushed out but the idea is the same. So credit where credit is due.

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

Delly’s P.O.V

  It had been two weeks since you were torn from your home and brought to the Capitol to live with Cato. He tried explaining it to you but you refused to listen.

  “You can’t ignore me forever” he said after days of you not talking to him, earning a scoff from you as you walked to the couch, “if you would just talk to me, you’d understand why you’re here”

  “I’m not interested”

  “So you’re just going to live here in silence?”

  “If that’s the way it has to be”

  “Whatever,” he sighed, rubbing his temples, “I have to go. Stay here, read some books. Watch something. So whatever, just stay here. Got it?”

  “Yeah-uh” you said, waving your hand to shoo him away and he shook his head as a reply. When he finally left, you caught yourself staring at the closed door, biting the corner of your mouth as you contemplated peeking out the hole in the door. You huffed as you stood up and hopped to the door, hoping you’d still be able to see him, and, there he was, climbing into a limo, “where is he going?” You said to yourself as the car drove away toward the bright lights of the Capitol Centre. You spent a few hours searching through his cabinets and exploring different rooms of the house, starting to get bored but not knowing what else to do. When you had run out of options, you decided to get some sleep when there was a knock on the door, “company?” You thought to yourself, “it couldn’t be, Cato wouldn’t allow that.” Whoever was at the door, knocked again and you stood behind the door, biting your lip as your hand hesitated to open the door

  “Hello?” The voice called, you suddenly flew toward the door to answer it, desperate for company. “Oh! Hello?” they said

  “Hello..” you replied, not inviting them in

  “I’m Finnick,” he smiled, outstretching his hand, “nice to meet you.”

  “I’m--” you stopped, not knowing if you should introduce yourself, “Delly.”

  “Can I come in, Delly?” he asked, walking past you into Cato’s home

  “Uhh..” you stammered, “I’m sorry, Cato isn’t here”

  “No I know. He’s out... partying” he smirked

  “Can I help you with something?”

  “I just wanted to meet you”

  “You know about me?”

  “Cato mentioned something a little while ago”

  “I see...” you sighed, closing the door and walking in his direction

  “He explained you quite accurately,” he said and you tilted your head, “he was very... smitten, let’s say.”

  “Smitten?” you scoffed, “he’s sure doing a hell of a job showing it”

  “Go easy on him, huh?” he said softly, sitting on the couch as if he was going to be staying a while

  “Go easy on the victor who killed my best friend and tore me away from my family?” you snarled

  “He’s been put in a tough situation now. He’s actually not a bad guy...”

  “How am I supposed to act? He won’t tell me why I’m here, He didn’t even ask me to come here -- I was just thrown into a train and dragged here”

  “I have a feeling he tried to tell you why you’re here but you didn’t listen”

  “No...” you tried, “fine. I’ve been trying to ignore him because I’m angry. I don’t want to be here, I want to be at home with my family and friends.”

  “He means well,” he laughed, “he’s just... never had to be nice to anyone before.” You scoffed again, rolling your eyes, finally sitting down next to him

  “You’re really going to tell me to sit there and give him a chance?”

  “Yes”

  “Why?”

  “Because,” he sighed, looking down as he twiddled his thumbs, “I think you’ll realize how much he needs you.” The words caught you off guard. No one had ever needed you before. Not your parents. Not your brother. Not Peeta. No one. So the idea that you could be that important to someone made you want to rethink everything.

  “But..” you started, sighing and leaning back into the couch as you groaned, “I haven’t been able to leave this giant house for two weeks. And he leaves every chance he gets”

  “Let him explain why..” Finnick urged

  “Why can’t I leave?”

  “Because you’re not from here. People would have questions”

  “No one knows me here”

  “You forget that the reapings and the tours are all broadcast. People know you’re Peeta’s best friend. They may not remember your name but they know your story” he replied, leaning his elbows on his knees

  “Great...” you sighed, “so I’m just supposed to give Cato a chance while I stay locked up here like some... prisoner?”

  “Oh, Ms. Cartwright,” he scoffed, “you’re not the only prisoner here.” You scrunched your eyebrows together and opened your mouth to speak when Cato threw the door open and huffed as he walked through the large corridors. Doubling back when he realized that you were, in fact, not alone.

  “Finnick?” he asked with a growl. He looked like he’d had quite the night; shirt torn, hair messed up, a small purple mark forming on his jaw

  “Hey buddy!” Finnick laughed, “how was your night?”

  “What are you doing here?” he said through bared teeth and you watched as Finnick led him back to the door, whispering something in his ear that you didn’t quite hear, until they looked back at you

  “Just sit down and talk to her” Finnick said to Cato as he waved goodbye to you. You waved back and waited for Cato to yell at you for inviting someone in but instead he just closed the door softly and stood with his head against the door for a moment before finally speaking to you

  “I didn’t think you’d still be awake...”

  “I was going to go to bed but Finnick...” you started

  “What did he tell you?” the words grew louder with each step he took toward you, forcing a flinch to overtake you until you were practically cowering with fear

  “He didn’t tell me anything,” you replied meekly, “he just told me to give you a chance.” He seemed to soften at your confession, dropping his head and letting out a sigh

  “You should get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

xx

Cato’s P.O.V.

  You didn’t know what to do with Delly. You weren’t sure if she was telling you the truth about Finnick and you needed to know what he told her in order to protect her. But she was making it increasingly difficult.

  “Delly,” you said as she walked into the kitchen the next morning, “we should talk...”

  “Sure” she replied, sitting down at the table

  “I don’t know what Finnick told you but in order for us to trust each other,” you started, watching her eyes follow your movements, “there’s probably some things you should know.”

  “Yeah.. like... why you’re--”

  “I didn’t tear you away from your home.” You interrupted and she furrowed her brow at you, “I was in the middle of writing you a letter explaining what was going on when Wade, my mentor, explained what was happening to you.”

  “I’m supposed to believe that? I’m not supposed to think that this is what Victors do? That this is what your District Partner would’ve done if the two of you won together? Keeping people around like prizes to do whatever you please with”

  “Don’t you dare talk about her!” you yelled

  “WHY NOT?! IT’S NOT LIKE YOU DO! I AM SO SICK OF WALKING AROUND GLASS TO NOT UPSET YOU!”

  “Watch what you say next Delly...” you warned but she didn’t listen

  “You were all cruel, in that arena. I get it, you had to be. But her?” she said, “she was the worst. Of all of the Careers.”

  “She was a soldier” you said

  “SHE WAS INSANE!”

  “SHE WAS TRAINED!”

  “TO BE A INSANE PERSON?!”

  “IF SHE WAS INSANE, AM I NOT A MONSTER?”

  “MAYBE YOU ARE! MAYBE I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU!”

  “AT LEAST I’M NOT WEAK. LIKE YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BAKER FRIEND.”

  “WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING ME HERE?!” Her yelling had caused her voice to crack and you could only imagine how raw her throat must have felt. Her eyes were beginning to well with tears, “I just wanna go home”

  “If you leave,” he stammered, sitting down across from where you stood, “I can’t protect you”

  “Protect me? From what?” You asked

  “President Snow.”

  “I don’t und--” she started but stopped quickly when you glared at her

  “He saw us talking at the Apothecary, during the Tour,” you explained, “he got the idea in his head that there was something going on between us. So, he used you against me”

  “What does that mean?”

  “He said he would kill you and your family if I didn’t do what he said. I couldn’t let you die. I didn’t want you to die”

  “Why not?” she asked harshly, forcing you to shake your head at her question, “you don’t know me. You don’t know my family. You’ve killed people before, and we’re just from District 12. We’re outsiders right? So it wouldn’t have been a big deal to you to kill us.”

  “Delly...” you said softly, reaching out to hold her hands but she tore them away from you, “Snow wasn’t wrong. Maybe you don’t feel anything for me. Maybe you have feelings for Gale..”

  “Gale?” she questioned

  “But,” you continued, “there was something for me there when we met. I didn’t know what President Snow would do but I knew I couldn’t let anything happen to you. Things just spiraled.” You watched as she shook her head, trying to understand your words, and her eyes shifted around the room

  “Fine.” She huffed, “but explain to me why you’re always leaving? Why I can’t go anywhere? I hate being cooped up here all the time and you leave at all hours of the day! I mean sometimes you’re gone before I wake up and then out the entire day. What are you doing?”

  “I can’t--”

  “You have to!” she yelled

  “No, I don’t!” you shouted back

  “Then let me leave.” She countered, sitting back against her chair and crossing her arms over her chest

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Sure you can,” she replied, “let me go outside. Take me with you, wherever it is you go. Take me to one party in the Capitol and I won’t say anything more about it. I’ll stay here and continue to do as you expect me to do.”

  “Delly...” you groaned

  “I’m thousands of miles from home. From my family. From everything I’ve ever known. I deserve not to be treated like a criminal!” The two of you stared at each other for a while before you eventually agreed, even though you knew it was a bad idea that meant Snow would be displeased. But the smile on her face almost made it worth it, you just hoped it would be a fatal agreement.

xx

Delly’s P.O.V

  You had somehow managed to convince Cato to take you out of his mansion and into the Capitol for a party. You were sure that was where he was constantly running off to every night and you just wanted to see why he was so consumed with it. He set out a dress for you on your bed that you were positive his stylist had picked out for him -- a short metallic pastel blue dress to compliment his eyes with sharp shoulders that reminded you of Effie Trinket’s outfits during the Reapings -- and you quickly got dressed to head to the club that Cato was taking you to. When you walked into the club, you were in awe at the opulence of it all; the ceiling stretched for miles and the marble tile covered the entirety of the club, making the music echo throughout every corner. There was stained glass on the dome ceiling that looked as if it depicted great wars and you couldn’t help but be lost in the images you saw.

  “Delly?” Cato asked, bringing you back to reality

  “Sorry,” you said, “I’ve just never seen anything so beautiful before”

  “You’re going to give yourself away” he whispered to you

  “What do you mean?” you asked

  “I got you this dress so people would think that you were from the inner districts, 1, 2, 3, not from District 12. If you continue to fawn over the ceiling, people will definitely know you’re not from here,” he chided, still whispering in your ear, “you look stunning by the way.” You blushed at his compliment and composed yourself, taking your eyes away from the décor

  “So, how do I blend in?” you asked

  “For starters,” he smirked, “have a drink. Then something to eat. Then move over to the dance floor”

  “I’m allowed to dance?” you joked

  “Yes,” he said, “but not too much. Just enough to show off your dress and then head back to the bar.” You did as he said, not wanting to get either of you in trouble, until you saw someone pull him aside

  “He’s just doing business,” a voice said from behind you, “don’t worry, he won’t leave you behind.” You turned around to find Johanna Mason watching Cato walk away with a woman much older than him

  “What do you mean?” you said as you turned to her, “what kind of business?”

  “Oh sweetheart,” she laughed, “you must be the girl from District 12.”

  “What? No! I’m from District 1...” you lied, hoping that the dress and your makeup would fool her

  “He talked about you, Cato, he told us about the girl he met on his Victory Tour whose hair was beautifully gold and whose eyes were like oceans of Sapphire.” She scoffed, forcing you to furrow your brows at her statements, “It’s okay, I’m not going to out you.”

  “What did you mean about Cato? What kind of business is he doing with that woman?” you asked again

  “President Snow has many of the Victors... sell themselves to members of the Capitol Elite as a way of keeping them in line.” You thought about it for a moment but didn’t want to believe it

  “No,” you replied, “Snow loves Cato. He was the perfect victor. He believes that the games are exactly what Snow has told Panem they are.”

  “It’s that kind of dedication that Snow preys on. He needs someone who he can control and tell him that it’s all the price you pay for winning the Games.” She moved to sit down on a curved, purple velvet couch and encouraged you to do the same, which you did, as she continued to explain, “See, I’m not like the other Victors. I don’t have anyone left that I care about so Snow couldn’t force me to do anything. I was free to decline his offer and he couldn’t do anything about it. But the others, they weren’t so lucky. Our dear President would threaten the lives of those we loved most if we, as Victors, didn’t do exactly as he asked.”

  “He said he’d kill us” you mumbled to yourself

  “Yes,” Johanna responded, “or, more accurately, he’d have someone kill you.”

  “So why me? Why would President Snow threaten to kill me and not Cato’s family?”

  “Because,” she huffed, “Cato’s family are the only ones in District 2 who train the tributes to become Victors. Sure, it’s an illegal activity that should not be condoned by our government but it makes for a more exciting Hunger Games, so President Snow allows it. Encourages it even. And because Cato’s parents are the experts in training our young Victors, Snow knew Cato wouldn’t believe his threats against them. That’s where you come in.”

  “I’m not exactly Cato’s type...” you groaned, “he’s not exactly going to worry about me enough for Snow not to kill me or my family. I mean... if he cared he wouldn’t be working tonight”

  “He’s always working. Whether he thinks he is or not” she said

  “So what do I do?” You replied, turning your head in hopes of finding the tall blonde victor you came with

  “Take in the Capitol luxury. Drink, dance, eat. Kiss someone if you want. But be careful what you say. You never know who might be listening...” You turned your head back just in time to find Johanna had left you and you shrugged before heading to the bar to order a drink, only to be stopped by an arm

  “I’ve never seen you before...” the voice that belonged to the arm said

  “I’m.. uhm... a friend of Cato’s...” you stuttered

  “The new victor?” you nodded nervously, “I’m Gloss.” He seemed to be sizing you up and you weren’t quite sure how to proceed, “you look familiar. Where would I have seen you?” he continued to pry and your mouth began to feel dry

  “He bothering you?” Cato said as he suddenly appeared behind you

  “No, he’s fine. It’s fine, I was just going to get a drink...” you replied, gesturing toward the bar and to Gloss to get him to move aside. He apologized and moved aside while you ordered a drink but when the bartender wouldn’t order you a drink, Cato stepped in

  “Glass of Champagne, Bartender,” he said, “and quick. Before I get angry.” You looked up at him, amazed at how much his presence seemed to compel everyone to listen to him, before smiling and taking a sip of your drink. “What?” he chuckled when he noticed you staring

  “Dance with me” you smiled

  “I don’t know, Delly,” he whined, “people might talk.”

  “People will always talk but we’re here to have fun”

  “One dance.” He caved and you dragged him onto the dance floor. You both moved to the fast-paced music, you laughing at him when he did an old-fashioned dance move, until the music slowed and you awkwardly smiled at him

  “I know you said one dance...” he smiled back at you, moving closer to you and putting your arms on his shoulders while he placed his hands on your hips. His eyes began roaming the club and you tried to bring his attention back to you, if only to calm his nerves, but it didn’t work.

  “We should go. People are staring...” He dropped his hands from your hips, taking your hand and leading you outside where a car was waiting. When you arrived back at his house, he ran ahead of you and you tried to talk to him

  “Cato...” you called, “please, Cato, talk to me.” He stood across from you, eyes trained on yours, and you took a sharp inhale in preparation for what he might say

  “We shouldn’t have been dancing like that. I shouldn’t have brought you there.” He replied sternly

  “Why didn’t you tell me? About what Snow was making you do?” you asked, moving slowly toward him

  “What was I supposed to say? I’m being prostituted by our President so you don’t die?”

  “Yes!” you exclaimed, “because it’s the truth. And it would have made so much more sense than him just bringing me here for no reason.”

  “Well, I didn’t know exactly what to say...” He dropped his eyes to the floor and, for the first time, he seemed so vulnerable. Almost scared.

  “You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to. I get it now. I get that he’s got a hold on you and that you’re just as much a prisoner as I felt I was. I’m here to listen, if you need it, but otherwise, I’ll do as you ask and stay here. I won’t complain and I won’t ask questions.”

  “I don’t want you to be miserable...” he confessed and you smiled

  “Just talk to me every once in a while. Make me feel like I’m human and maybe you’ll feel more human, too.”

  “Deal.” He smiled, gently taking your hand in his, rubbing your palm with his thumb before clearing his throat and heading to bed. You weren’t sure what any of tonight meant -- the dance, the kindness he showed you, the way he stood up for you, -- but you hoped that this wasn’t all there was for the two of you.