#the worst thing in the world also is waking up not during the episode but the ads at the end :-| jarring

[goldenrobotgondoliers]

infinitely annoying to me that tmagp is on the same feed as tma, specifically because while i havent listened to tmagp spotify now keeps trying to play random eps of it after my bedtime story podcast that helps me sleep.

so imagine if you will: someone has just read you a bedtime story, and you drift off, peaceful and quiet.. and then you wake up after a little bit to imogen harris talking about blobby. this or similar happens every time i forget to set the sleep timer on what's playing

[cherry-cola-on-ice]

Slashers with a sleepwalking s/o

AN: totally based off my personal experiences sleepwalking lol asked my friends and family what their favorite sleepwalking episode was.

Jason Voorhees 🏕

Jason is already paranoid AF about you unknowingly wandering into a trap during the day.

But the first time he comes across you in the woods at night? When you should be asleep?

He is not a happy man. Many thoughts run through his mind. Are you trying to leave him? Trying to get yourself hurt? Would you rather die then be with him?

It takes him a good while and a lot of explaining for him to understand what's happening. That your not intentionally doing this. Science shit™️

He sets up a system. Maybe a bell or two. Something loud to let him know where you are. Maybe some trip wires.

Strangest thing he's seen you do: He watched you eat a entire sleeve of saltines while standing in the shower.

Michael Myers 🎃

Michael's seen some shit. So this is nothing. All those years in Smiths Grove have prepared him for this. So you sleepwalk? Cool, his neighbor at Smiths Grove used to eat cockroachs.

That being said, the closer you're relationship grows, the more worried he becomes. What if you fall down the stairs? What if you wander into the road? What if, what if, what if??

He doesn't have the foresight to set up traps, like Jason does.

Uses his fucked up sleep schedule to his advantage and often stands over your sleeping body. Jumpscare.

Will definitely tie a bell on you while you sleep. Totally not a collar what are you saying? Don't make it kinky.

The strangest thing he's seen you do: Put all of the remotes in the refrigerator because they needed batteries.

Thomas Hewitt 🥩

Poor sweet man. You're going to give him a heart attack one of these days.

However, he's probably one of the more better prepared of the lot. His house is set up to keep people in and out. So there isn't much danger you can get into.

Unless he forgets to lock up the basement. Which has happened once. And only once. You were fairly unharmed if not a little traumatized.

Has taken to locking your bedroom door. Also installs like 10 latches. AND puts a bell on the doorknob. And maybe sometimes you.

Look, he's already scared of losing you to somebody else, he doesn't want to have to worry him losing you to you.

Strangest thing he's seen you do: Him, Monty and Hoyt sat and watched you stand in front of the sink for a hour and a half. Just standing there. Menacingly

Brahms Heelshire 🐀

Oh, poor baby is confused. Especially at the start of your situation-ship. You don't know he's there, you just think you're babysitting a doll for a sad old couple. Not their grown ass son who lives in the walls.

The first time Brahms finds you sleepwalking, he's pissed. You trying to leave him, he knows you are. But... did you just snore?? Wait, you're asleep. He feels a little better about the situation.

Until you start walking towards the stairs. Boy's never moved so fast in his life. He knows if he wakes you up it's game over. So he gives you a gentle nudge back to your room.

Now after you find about the rat man in the walls, things are different. Brahms, even in the deepest REM cycle, will never let you go. Man is a koala and you are the tree he's clinging to for dear life. It's almost impossible to escape his arms at night.

Almost makes you sleep in the walls instead of the bedroom so you're safer. Like ain't no way you're getting out of those without him waking up.

Strangest thing he's seen you do: Sat up in bed, complaining about the maracas in your mouth??? He cried.

Billy Lenz 🎄

World's worst caretaker 👑

Especially before yall start dating because, at that point in time, he's still trying to decide if he wants to kill you. He won't lie, he very briefly thought about pushing you down the stairs.

But? After you win him over? Yeah still kinda sucks ass at keeping you from hurting yourself. He'll keep you alive, mind you, just a little worse for wear.

He asked you once if he could tie you down in bed. You didn't like the look in his eyes so you declined. Billy pouted for the next three days.

TBH he might do it anyways. Look he's just trying to keep your silly little self safe, S/O. Get your mind out of the gutter. Haha, jk...unless 😏?

The strangest thing he's seen you do is eat a entire bag of gummy bears while standing outside. He joined you.

Vincent Sinclair 🖌

Another prepared king 👑

His workshop is dangerous. Upstairs is dangerous. The whole town is health code violation. And bby cannot stand the idea of you hurting yourself.

But other then the constant anxiety that you'll some how end up falling off the stairs or falling into the wax or the any other number of things his brain comes up with, he's very level-headed.

Child safety locks. He buys that shit in bulk.

But hey, gives him a excuse to hold you at night. (Vincent, they're literally your s/o)

The strangest thing he's seen you do is stand over Bo's bed, chanting tomato. Bo almost cried.

Bo Sinclair 🔧

Definition of "Look at that idiot...oh wait that's my idiot!"

Honestly, probably the worst. Not like 'let's you just walk around' worst, but more like 'Imma gonna chain you to the bed' worst.

Dude's so scared of losing you, pretty much the best thing that ever happened to him, that his willing to go to drastic matters to keep you safe.

Don't try to explain the science behind it, you'll only give him a migraine. Just let him keep you safe. K, bby?

Bo's gonna lose sleep some nights, he's that scared. No doubt you will wake up to the feeling of someone watching you. Just comfort him, ok?

Strangest thing he's seen you do is sit up in bed and start singing 'Livin La Vida Loca'

Asa Emory 🪲

Number one prepared king™️

I'm not saying he may or may not, kinda sorta perhaps placed cameras around your living situation before you two even began dating. But yeah he did.

So he knows all about the crazy shenanigans you are up to at night.

He reads the books, watching online lectures 👏all👏the👏research. You can bet your sweet ass he knows exactly how to wake you up in case of emergency.

In the same breath, despite how much he does love you, science. Prepare to be studied like a bug under a microscope.

Strangest thing he's seen you do is standing with the refrigerator doors open, telling him how much you love this show.

Norman Bates 🚿

My poor sweet innocent murder bby. He doesn't know what to do.

Yeah, keep you safe, he's got that much down. But at what cost?

The hotel looks like a a daycare center now. Baby proofing everywhere (ask him about getting locked out of the bathroom, it's funny)

Suggested a collar once as a joke, wasn't expecting you to agree. Got flustered. Dropped his cup, maybe got a bone.

Another koala sleeper, so good luck escaping his embrace. Will go as far as following you to the bathroom to make sure you're actually awake.

Strangest thing he's seen you do is sit down in a fake potted plant in the living room and talk about dinosaurs.

[riverssongs13]

While we're all agonising over waiting for the last 2 episodes, I'd like to take this time to talk about how Lilia Calderu, seer extraordinaire, Queen of Cups, singlehandedly waged war against the harmful stereotypes witches have endured in literature, in history, and in any and all media in general. This endeavour requires a rewatch of all the episodes but I'm just going to eyeball it by what I can remember for now.

In episode 3 Through Many Miles of Tricks and Trials, Mrs. Hart, maiden bless her soul, said "A witch is really just another name for a bad girl, is that right?" Lilia immediately says, "That is extremely reductive. We are not a monolith."

Lilia is the oldest member of the coven (after Death, I guess), and it goes without saying she has lived through and experienced all the horrible things witches were subjected to throughout history. In which, I would like to posit a slight correction: she has lived through all the horrible things POWERFUL WOMEN experienced under the hands of misogyny and patriarchy.

In episode 5, Darkest Hour Wake Thy Power, the coven was being actively chased by the Salem Seven, and needed a quick escape from The Road. Teen, with his precious innocent soul, suggested they fly to escape their pursuers. After getting very negative feedback from the coven, Lilia explains how "brooms have been co-opted by the holiday industrial complex as an absurd emblem of our culture, and an obvious symbol of female domesticity."

Death's Hand In Mine, episode 7, also had Lilia commenting on how "demeaning" it was to be portrayed as wearing the typical witchy trope costumes when they got inside the Tower. Quite tongue-in-cheek as well how Lilia was Glinda the "good witch" while Jen was the Evil Queen in witch disguise.

Going back to episode 3, it was also Lilia who vehemently refused to "climb inside an oven" after completing their first Trial. She added that the same thing happened to a friend, one with a lovely house, and ended up, well, we can recall what happened to the supposed "captor" of Hansel and Gretel.

In episode 4, If I Can't Reach You…, it wasn't so much as Lilia mouthing off another witchy trope, but her inside the recording studio. The powerful image of her looking at the portraits of all the women who were persecuted during the countless witch-hunts throughout history. The abject horror of being thrown into these witch trials by mere suggestions, and these women were oft sentenced to the most horrific deaths even without evidence. Lilia looking at these women being burnt at the stake, boiled alive in a vat of tar, maimed, flayed, and I wonder how many of these scenarios are being played from memory.

Within the same episode Lilia said, "You know the worst part of being a witch? All the misconceptions and rumour mongering." And this basically sums up the experience of witches around the world -- of POWERFUL WOMEN -- present yourself with even a modicum of power, motivation, and ambition, and if that threatens the fragile ego of man, you best believe you'd be persecuted for it. (I find it even a more compelling message after having re-watched Patti's character in Penny Dreadful, burned at the stake for standing up against a man. Great show. Check that one out.)

I'm certain there are more instances I'm unable to recall and include, but right now I'm swimming in anticipation and anxiety over the last 2 episodes, I honestly do not wish to pore over the previous ones with a fine tooth comb. I may do that in the future, but today is not that day.

Which is to say, I love how Lilia has played the part of the wise sage correcting all the wrongs her kind has resolutely endured for countless centuries. I love how women are slowly being given back the power in their own narratives, without the need to insert the story of man for it to be relevant. I love how this show is very unapologetically queer, and about women, and about reclaiming that power taken away from them.

To add cherry on top, I love how Patti LuPone herself said in a recent interview, that the whole show is making it about "what we are initially: we're all witches because we are powerful women; women are powerful. The power has been robbed from them for centuries. BY MEN. Its kind of great to see a show that represents witches as women with power."

We may be lightyears away from an ideal society where women are no longer oppressed and boxed within their own existence at the insistence of men who wish to reduce them into something they could fit within their egos and minds, but it's quite nice to think that this show about a ragtag team of women and a teenage boy is taking a step into the right direction.

Thank you, Lilia Calderu and Patti LuPone, we all say in unison.

[softtdaisy]

hellu lando with it's okay, just breathe.

I LOVE your writing, you deserve all the celebration love!

Pairing: Lando Norris x female!reader

Words: 1020

A/n: the fact i went over 1k words for a story i don’t feel confident about is crazy. I really hope you will like it, i’ve never write about Lando before so it’s a first try  

Dating Lando was like living in a new sitcom episode every single day. Even when he was away for the championship and you couldn’t travel with him, he found a way to make your day better. A call, a message, the stupidest joke ever or the cutest proof of love. 

There were some bad days, of course. But somehow, the sun always seemed to shine even in the darkest sky. 

You could write a whole book about your boyfriend. 

You really considered doing it these past days. Being away from him for too long was getting harder for you. It was really like missing a half of yourself when he was in another country or, worse, in another continent. No amount of calls was making for the lack of waking up with him by your side.

“You realize that one day you’re going to deal with me every day for the rest of your life? Shouldn’t you enjoy your free time while you can?” he told you on the phone after you admitted being sad about him leaving early for Canada. He hasn’t even been home since Spain and he was already leaving.

“Well right now, I miss you, idiot.”

“Well I miss you too, dummy.” 

It was probably one of the quickest decisions you’ve ever made. After waking up again feeling alone and sad without the man you loved, you booked a flight for Montréal during the afternoon to see him. You didn’t even tell anyone, except for Max, Lando’s best friend, to make sure at least one person would be aware of your trip. You wanted to surprise your boyfriend.

You had no idea that this would become one of the most stressful days for him.

When Lando woke up on the other side of the world, you were already up in the air. He didn’t question why you weren’t answering his texts. He knew that when you were working, you tended to be so focused that you forget about the world around you. He also knew that he could call you if he was worried because that was the only thing that would make you pick up your phone. 

Somehow, Lando felt like something was off. He could put his finger on what.

If he was a fan of media duties, he couldn’t focus on anything today. His laugh sounded fake, he wasn’t smiling as much. “If something is wrong, you can tell me.” Oscar reassured him after he had to handle every interview that morning.

But he didn’t say anything. Lando wasn’t the kind to cry on anyone’s shoulder for nothing. He didn’t want to bother his teammate for just a feeling. 

Then it became more than a feeling when he still couldn’t reach you. 

You were supposed to be home. Or heading home. Anyway, you would have answered Lando’s texts already. But you didn’t.

He tried to call you. But you didn’t answer.

He asked Carlos to call you too, knowing he was one of the few drivers to have your number. But you didn’t answer either.

“Something wrong?” Carlos asked him but he refused to say anything. If he kept it to himself, it wouldn’t be real, right?

So Lando did the worst thing he could have done, he knew that. He went to the practices with fear and stress. He couldn’t think about the race or the cars or his whole career. Fuck that. All he cared about was you. He did so many mistakes he couldn’t even imagine the number of comments on social media about him being done or whatever these stupid opinions were saying. The team was already giving him a hard time on the radio.

When Lando got out of the car, he felt like he saw a ghost. Expect it wasn’t one.

It was you. Standing in the middle of the garage.

It took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn’t dreaming, that it wasn’t his mind giving him what he wanted to see. You were here. For real. Not home. But here with him.

Lando then ran to you and took you in his arms. “Oh wow I didn’t expect that to be so welcoming.” you laughed in his ears. Knowing him, you were convinced he would make a joke about you being here at the same time as his mistress. Or that you should take a shower, when he was the one dirty after racing. 

Not that he would hug you that tight. You felt him bringing him to his room and you followed him, quite perplexed on why he was reacting like that. 

It wasn’t until you were alone that you noticed he was shivering against you. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” you asked him, moving your head to see his sad face. You barely ever saw him being that miserable around you.

“You’re here…” he replied, breathless. You took his face between your hands.

“it's okay, just breathe,” you put your forehead against his and felt him relaxed slowly. 

“You didn’t answer me and I thought something had happened. I couldn’t call you, I couldn’t reach you and I thought you were… I can’t imagine my life without you!” 

“I’m not planning on leaving you.” you replied with a sweet smile, giving him a soft kiss on his lips. Lando always said that your lips had some calming power. And he wasn’t wrong. You could feel relaxed after that, like it was the proof he needed to be sure you were really here.

You spent some long minutes together in the silence. Now that he was accepting that nothing had happened to you and that you were here, for real, he was enjoying your presence. You gave him small kisses in the hair, the one he loved when he had a terrible weekend. It felt quite the same for once.

“I’m taking notes that you don’t like surprises.” you whispered in his hair.

“Not the one where I think I’m losing the love of my life, dummy.”

“Love of my life and dummy in the same sentence? What a pretty love language, Norris.” 

[icantspellhocky]

Idk if y’all also kinda feel like the world is ending rn, but here’s some (fictional) podcast reccomendations for when you feel like the world is ending:

Mercury: a broadcast of hope

Mercury a broadcast of hope takes place in the zombie apocolypse and the episodes are 5-10 minutes long. They update every day and the idea is that when the zombie apocolypse happened, some people were stuck in a radio station for a while and decided to start broadcasting so that people felt less alone and more hopeful in these dark times. Some days are just casual days talking about random stuff and some days are talking about deeper stuff but it’s nice to have a reminder that even in the worst of times we still have each other and there are still people fighting for hope. The episodes only last one day long (except for the first couple of seasons) to make it feel like a radio broadcast. I reccomend listening to today’s (Nov 6) episode because it’s very good and it’s about living through a time when you are feeling hopeless. This podcast acknowledges that the world can be shit and we can still try to live in it and that’s worth it. (Also in the podcast world they have been in the zombie apocalypse for I think six years now, so it shows that even when things go to shit you can still try to survive)

World gone wrong

This podcast was created this year and I’m 99% certain that it’s based on our real life fear of the future. In this universe the world is going to shit in a magical way. Shit gets weird pretty randomly. One episodes Sirens start appearing, another has the fair folk, there are were wolves now and time travel and every day they wake up and don’t know what weird world ending shit is going to happen. But they keep getting up and talkign about their experiences. The hosts of the podcasts are making a podcast about the weird shit going on in their world and it’s both interesting and comforting. Because yes things are going to shit but that doesn’t mean that we can’t live our lives and our idea of “okay” might be different now but we can find a meaning for that word anyways. They end their episodes by hoping that we’re baseline.

Midnight burger

This podcast was created during the pandemic. It is about a time travel demention spanning diner. Every day the diner goes to a different place (and there’s always someone there that needs them) and the people in the diner help people with their problems. This can be anything from feeding people a meal while they’re mourning to preventing the end of the world by helping the world make a plan on how to survive. It has this theme of “there’s someone looking out for you” and “even when things are going wrong sometimes you can make things just a little bit better and that matters” while also having an entertaining sci-fi plot. Episodes for this are much longer and come out once a month and it’s very comforting imo to listen to them close the episodes with “and if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe haven, just remember we’re out there, somewhere, looking for you. We open at six!” and that’s very comforting to me.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 12 thoughts

another episode that had me. STRESSED. OUT.

first of all... the episode being about an irish guy who sets the british aristocracy on fire... the insensitivity there is fascinating. the 90's really were a time, huh?

second of all this phoebe is very pretty and very bold to kiss mulder right in front of scully. i was shocked. and it kept getting more and more shocking! (shoutout to scully for averting her gaze when they kissed. a respectful coworker!)

and the whispered "she hates me" from phoebe and tiny waves goodbye while otherwise entirely ignoring scully's presence... yeah this is sick psychological torment

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he's terrified of fire! and this ex wants to get him involved on an arson case! what could go wrong? (seriously though why does he want to do this. why wasn't there another person who could take this case. i'm seeing no appeal to getting involved)

AND he leaves scully to go attend to this nonsense. betrayal.

! FURTHER MULDER LORE REVEAL ! the two broke up because she cheated on him which is revealed in the same breath as the fact that they hooked up on arthur conan doyle's grave. i will be doing my best to not psychoanalyze that and then failing. how can i look him in the eye with this knowledge.

(i think they're going for a sherlock-irene parallel here but counterpoint: i don't like it)

<3 <3 <3 scully in glasses... think my heart skipped a beat <3 <3 <3

this whole thing was soooo sick and twisted. when phoebe said "i've booked a hotel for the night" (cut to mulder in deep distress) that was evil

(also scully calling and saying she had something important and he completely blew her off... only for her to show up anyway... queen shit she literally said idgaf i'll solve ur case for you dumbass)

i'd actually like to copy out what i wrote in my notes verbatim for this next part:

"Mulder in a suit Phoebe in a backless dress. Tension is palpable oh they're dancing. SCULLY WALKED IN ON YHAT WJAT THEBHELL OH THEYREKISSING WHAT THE HELL OH SHW'S ROLLING HER EYESAT THIS OH SHE JUMPED IN"

i think that speaks for itself

but in case it DOESN'T: scully pacing outside watching them dance and kiss was distressing to me. i will reblog many gifs of this when i find them eventually. free her from this situation y'all she did NOT deserve it. luckily a fire provided an excuse to make her presence known.

when mulder was scared to go into the fire and then he passed out and then he pushed scully's hand away while she was shifting into Doctor Mode... nearly screamed. he resists the tenderness offered to him.

and then cutscene to him waking up in bed shirtless and she's there offering him water! phoebe brings him into this fire- his worst fear- and the symbolism of scully bringing him WATER!

and YET the first thing he does is: ASK FOR PHOEBE! MULDER I CANNOT KEEP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOU (phoebe once again entirely ignores scully beyond a quick goodbye the commitment to pettiness is remarkable)

then he shows up to save the family from being lit on fire and phoebe is kissing the dad. muldershockedpikachuface.jpg (was anyone surprised. raise ur hand if u saw this coming)

but he jumped into the fire to go save the children!!! because he needs to be a hero and conquer his fears!!

i think scully had a very raw end of the deal this episode and when she knocked on his door pretending to be phoebe and asked in a british accent if he was going to buy her lunch. well. she had a good spirit about the whole thing. it's important for her to be mean to him sometimes.

during this episode i fell victim to exactly what i knew the screenwriters were doing, purposefully provoking anger in the viewer through an outrageous ex that also served as character exposition in revealing mulder's background. but once again this episode proves that dana scully deserves the world for putting up with this nonsense and somehow still choosing to have a positive attitude. give her a raise and a vacation.

[doubledyke]

Comparing Edd to Eddy, which of the two you would say gone through the worst shit throughout the show?

(regarding both their homelifes AND all the bad stuff across the episodes too).

putting this under the cut cuz it gets pretty miserable lmao

also, i'm including ed.

as far as the canon of the show and movie i'll go with eddy obviously because of the whole bro thing, and bc he's most often the target of everyone's rage. at least with ed and edd, there seems to be a baseline of decency and occasional kindness from the other kids. as soon as eddy rears his square head, everyone's groaning and patting at their pockets. nazz and rolf are okay towards him a couple times i guess, but it ends in disaster nonetheless.

still going strictly by canon events i'd say edd is next. he's so damn stressed the entire time that it stresses ME out. eddy and ed put him through a lot both mentally and physically. he's so frail 😭 he can't handle all that.

ending with ed just cuz he comes off as impervious to any physical harm, and blocks a lot of the mental stuff as a defense mechanism. he does whatever he can to stay in his happy place and he's gotten really good at it. not saying he doesn't go through anything or that he isn't affected, he's just the least affected of the three.

we don't have a ton to go off of in terms of their home life, which is totally fine by me. preferable in fact. as a disclaimer, it's generally shitty to compare trauma, but they're cartoon characters so i'll compare their *fictional* trauma lmao. all just my opinion etc., etc.

during the run of the show, my opinion is that ed has it the worst at home. i imagine that he's made to feel very much like the red headed step-child. it's his parents and sarah teaming up against him, blaming him for all their problems. belittling, degrading and and if he's lucky, ignoring him. his dad really just reacts to what his wife and daughter tell him, but he reacts just the same. ed is cast to the basement and they all try really really hard to pretend that he doesn't exist. maybe his dad takes pity on him from time to time and buys him a comic or a movie behind his wife's back. or maybe he doesn't. he certainly doesn't want to ruffle feathers and make himself more miserable than he already is. come on, he just got off work. and once again, ed checks out to survive. i think there would be a point where ed and edd kinda look at each other and are like "what the fuck" in response to seeing ed's treatment first hand. we kind of get something close to that in the show when ed tells them they literally took his stairs.

edd is next i guess cuz he's got such a terrible wake up call in his future. realizing that no dude, it's not even slightly normal to communicate with your parents strictly via sticky note. it's not normal for a kid to be expected to take care of every single chore and task around the house. and all the books, all the academic achievements, all the folded socks in the world aren't gonna make them love you. then dealing with his (i always use this word) DEBILITATING anxiety on top of all that? i've said it before but he's straight up burnt out by the end of the show at age 12/13.

edd by the start of bps:

i put eddy last bc at least during the show his home life seems relatively normal. his mom is very obviously doting and his dad is okay as long as he keeps that wrist tight. with bro gone, the immediate threat is neutralized, and he's in no hurry to unpack anything going on internally. much like the other two, there's a major realization and subsequent struggle in his future. but he's slightly more deluded than edd and is actually the last of the three to accept that his childhood was fucked up. even after bps, he kinda knows, but he's incapable of accepting that he was a victim. bruises heal, what's the big deal? bro didn't have to do all that in front of everyone though, geez. his self worth is so low that he doesn't believe his experiences can be considered abuse. he's the one that pissed his brother off, after all. and so on and so forth. anywho, if bro still lived in the house i'd probably put him at the top of the list cuz like... not to get too dark here but idk man "accidents" happen and who knows if bro could've been stopped if no one was around. my personal hc as to why bro left or was forced to leave is that there was a really close call.

so yeah they all have fucked up home lives and day to day lives. they're so miserable 🥺 yes i will compound it 🥹

[dryeyed]

god ok so this was a post that was a long time coming that i just. never actually sat and wrote so i'm chucking this anyway. divergence info.

shouta is psychotic. he lives with bouts of psychosis and has learned to live with the episodes that comes along with it.

there is a baseline sort of deal with his hallucinations. the visual ones never really seem to cease, but they slow down. they're also the most common, most often in the form of oboro just. standing there. after the twins' disappearance, he would occasionally see their faces. after aksha's disappearance, he began to see her right next to them sometimes. hauntings, he feels they are, a reminder. ghosts of the past he knows only exist in his head - but that's simply after years of the impossibility of discernment.

he also does see blood frequently, and this was most often when he began teaching. blood on his hands, a jarring thing so real he has to actually look at them to realize they're clean. he'd gone through multiple scrubbing hand washes only to realize they were never bloody in the first place, most typically when he's swinging real high in a symptom cluster. he'd be reaching out to help someone up, maybe a student, and only seeing a bloodied and beaten arm instead. maybe his. maybe the other's. he would take a look at someone for a second and see a beaten victim. in the corner of his eye, someone would look dark and only until he registered it as red and possibly blood, he'd look at them and they would be fine.

then there are the delusions. he's learned to curb this through extreme self discipline, methods he keeps to himself to keep him grounded in reality and at baseline-shouta. these really only occurred when he became heavenbreaker, a solidification that everyone was going to die and the world was going to end and everything was doomed. why try. started like a paranoia, not in the way that all eyes were on him but a paranoia about just that : doom. he would become almost obsessed with it, and almost end up destroying himself in his attempt to embrace yet avoid that notion.

'enhanced' tactile/bodily feeling. this is the worst for him, and is usually second in line to the hallucinations when he starts swinging into an episode. he can start to feel himself, feel all the intricacies of existence itself. he can feel air on his skin, his arm hair moving with the current of the air. he can feel his own heart beating, moving the blood from his chest. he can feel his lungs expand and deflate, how sweaty his palms seem to get. this can send him fairly quickly into complete detachment, as it's so easy it's almost painful for him to get so lost in thought during this sort of symptom. so easy to locked in on those feeling and panic, almost becoming a feedback loop of sorts.

these hallucinations and symptoms tend to stay on the milder side, but they can become a major problem if stress and trauma compound enough for him to lose grip on reality again. tldr; he visually hallucinates practically all the time. but when things are really rough for his mental state, he can begin to experience the full range of those (visual, auditory, tactile, somatic). his speech can become somewhat erratic. he has trouble discerning the waking world from what's in his head, either ranging somewhat catatonic or crazed and hyper. this can be called shouta's 'zoomies.'

i don't believe he tells anyone about this. or atleast, extensively. perhaps hizashi and nemuri know that he sometimes sees things. this is open for discussion/plotting, but know that this is a closely guarded secret.

[assassinationclassroom-studyblr]

Trying to organize my schedule so I can at the very least get 7 hours of sleep because I can't function without more than 6 hours (also I should be healthy) got me thinking about how much the ass class kids sleep.

People say teens should get 8 - 10 hours of sleep and that's my goal, but I have to keep making that time lower and lower... so like did the ass class kids get the right amount of sleep?

I think Nagisa may have? Like after a long day of school, climbing up and down the mountain, dealing with... everything, plus coming home to his mom, I think he'd use sleep as a way to avoid her. So the moment he comes home, he sleeps and when he wakes up he tries to leave away. He seems like a morning person to me, and personally as a morning person, I'm only a morning person when I get like a refreshing amount of sleep (which is about 7-9 hours).

Must I even talk about Karma? Because no way. Istg he cannonically does not sleep enough. Wakes up with a struggle bc he stayed up way too late studying or playing video games and has to run out his door to not be too tardy ( he only gets enough sleep if he's late to school bc he physically can't get up )

Kayano must have traumatic nightmares fuelling her anger throughout most of the series... and even after she finds out the truth, I don't think it gets nightmares of her dead sister out of her mind, so I think she tries to sleep well and struggles because of the nightmares (plus the uncomfortableness of the tentacles).

Terasaka may get some good sleep too? I mean physically he's very fit and also he acknowledges the stupid things Karma and Nagisa do a couple of times. He calls out their behaviours of overworking (like during the nagisa v karma fight) and killing intent (? like when Nagisa goes blind with rage bc of Takaoka) so I think he's pretty in tune to his own behaviour esp after his spotlight episode where he reforms. Basically I think Terasaka promotes a healthy sleep schedule and makes sure that all of his friends get at least 8 hours a night.

Isogai works, studies, trains, helps out at home, is the class president... boy has a lot on his plate and I think he gets very little sleep bc of this. Like he is responsible and knows that he should sleep more but he can't because of all the responsibilities he has (which I think is a very very relatable issue).

Asano... lacks sleep. Literally looks sickly. Sleeps like 2 hours a night. He learned his sleeping habits from the worst person to learn sleeping habits from; his father. (idk how his brain isn't fried)

Kirara lacks sleep too, but it's a choice. She stays up all night reading or writing after finishing up everything she has to do and loses track of time. Terasaka is trying to fix this poor habit of hers. (He definitely does by the time high school rolls around)

Nakamura does try but she's also a natural genius. Unlike other geniuses in her world, her brain functions with the perfect amount of sleep, so she sleeps enough.

Megu sacrifices her sleep to help others and has a ton of extra responsibilities, like Isogai. So, she usually doesn't get enough sleep. On the rare occasion that she does, she sleeps in way too much.

Wow, I had more thoughts about this than I thought I did. I was about to leave this with the main trio, but started thinking more. (Takebayashi lacks sleep too, with the cram schools and studying)

I wish we had like an exact schedule of these kids' days because they have so much on their plate. Analyzing the kids probable schedules under the cut.

Ik this varies, but I'm assuming their school day starts at 8:45 and ends at 3:15. That's 6.5 hours.

They can't go to extra curriculars, BUT they have their after school training, which I would say, is probably fairly extensive. I want to say it's about 1-2 hours a day? With school, it's 8.5 hours.

Not to mention, the climb up the mountain itself. There's multiple mentions of how long and exhausting it is. I think it takes about 30 minutes a trip, on average? Bc plenty of ppl have made it up, but it does take a while and it's tiring (could take longer cause of this) bc it's a mountain. So this is one more hour, just going up and down the mountain.

So, so far, these kids have school, where they learn and study at for 6.5 hours. And not including P.E, they work out/train for 3 hours a day.

Then there's the trip home which varies for all of them, not including the mountain trek. I think most of them have to wait for transit aND walk to the subways, which aren't too close, so I'm gonna say this is another hour? On average, I'd say. So that's two hours gone with transit a day

So far, 11.5 hours of their day is gone, outside of their homes, doing their like typical day responsibilities. Now they have 12.5 hours of their day left. With getting that max amount of 10 hours of sleep, they'd have 2.5 hours to work on homework, study a bit more, eat some food, take care of themselves, do their chores, and poor Isogai's got work. Plus you know, ppl have hobbies, things they enjoy.

Basically, it's impossible (or rlly hard) for the ass class kids to be getting the right amount of sleep. It is also rlly hard to get the right amount of sleep as a teen or an adult... good luck with the new school year guys.

Anyways get enough sleep! (or do your best to)

If you've got any time management tips, let me know!

[strscrossed]

✨actor au headcanons ✨ part 2

i was really feeling this last night so!!! here are some things that happened during production. i'll do a social media one soon.

historia and eren were shit stirrers and the problem children of the entire cast, doing the whole partying thing because they had to cope with so much fame so fast but they always covered for each other but eren fell into worse habits whereas historia was able to get herself out

eren was doing a stint in rehab during the final part's shooting so that's why he was largely not present during half of the season's episodes. he comes back for the final stretch of episodes and he's clean and cuts his hair and all that and is finally able to grow up after seeing his character's fate

arumika's date was largely a PR stunt because a) she'd just broken up with jean and b) the rumor mill was stirring that armin was fooling around with annie, who's currently in a relationship. rumor has it that they might've hooked up too but neither confirm it and armin alludes to them making out once in his tell-all.

armin writes a tell-all where he airs out all the dirty laundry (with everyone's permission) but he does confirm that annie was cheating with him for months while she was with bertholdt and the two of them got into such a bad fight that they had to rewrite scenes or shoot them separately because it was so so bad

as for the zeke-pieck thing. yeah the two of them had an affair while shooting their season 3 cameos. and yelena was his wife of 2 years at the time and it was a major scandal leading to a divorce because pieck got knocked up. they married the day after the divorce was finalized but they divorced a year later for reasons no one really knows. it was so bad that the "divorce" was written into the plot but they made up and remarried later.

eren and mikasa's relationship actually started on the second to last day of shooting right after their cabin scene and eren's fresh out of rehab. yes the cabin sequence is the final thing they shoot. so technically the last thing is the kiss and both of them realize that they don't want to end up like that so they confess their love for each other in mikasa's trailer that night. they marry a year later and they're one of those rare celeb couples that actually stay together and aren't surrounded in scandal.

mikasa is the set's hot girl because she's been on dates with most of the guys. she did go off and on with jean throughout the seasons though. they had a break up during season 1 and got back together and so forth. he was about to propose but she broke it off before he could because she knew she didn't love him in the way that he loved her. she had a brief fling with porco too and it was a fling for all intents and purposes that last for a month tops. she was going through it because eren was at his worst and they were rumored to have had a huge blowout.

maybe em hooked up once between seasons 3 and 4 and that sent eren hurdling towards rock bottom but also was his wake up call too.

levi's an enigma and his personal life is the subject of so much media scrutiny but he never comments. he's been linked to a few of his co-stars and even other well known celebs but he never never comments and he's rumored to have beaten up some sleazy journalist once. he has a side-gig and that's the owner of a successful chain of tea-shops across the world.

reiner becomes a huge mental health advocate and spends a lot of time helping out with charities. he's sort of a golden child which is why when he checks into rehab, everyone's shocked. turns out it's because of exhaustion and his mental health that he wants to take care of so he leads by example.

because so many characters get killed off, they get a free spa day, a meal at a nice restaurant, and a big bottle of wine followed by a "sorry, you're dying next episode" note from the writers and producers.

connie grows his hair out immediately after because he hates being bald

when shooting the epilogue on the boat, connie and jean recreated the "i'm flying" scene from titanic and it was put into the blooper real and they had no idea lol

if em were bad when it came to finally getting together, aa was really had at staying together for more than a few months because of all the media pressure and annie's own insistence to stay out of the limelight. they did finally stay together and married some years after filming wrapped. annie retired from acting and became an interior designer and that really did wonders for her.

hange actually has a phd in zoology so they brought that into their character and even went off-script several times but the writers loved it so much they just kept it.

ymir actually went onto becoming hugely successful and once she and historia get together, they're a complete power couple but they did play chicken with the media for years before announcing their engagement via the fake baby bump post on instagram. also both of them wanted a kid so they also announced historia's actual pregnancy via sperm donor and the rumor is that either armin or porco were the donors.

zeke and historia are distant cousins but they shared an ancestor maybe 8 generations back.

[unknownarmageddon]

thinking about killer having lv episodes. like. I imagine because of his lv, killer gets like, brief things, like migraines that are so bad, they incapacitate him for hours, or pain in his bones, like growth pains but much worse and sharper, which also leaves him handicapped for like a day at the very least

like, its horrid pain and he normally deal with it before by staying home and sleeping it off, but now he cant ride it out in comforf; now he's curling up in the backs of cars he broke into, clutching his skull and trembling so hard, his headache is only made worse by the sound of his bones rattling, and its honestly a bad condition to have in the end of the world but he somehow makes it

now imagine, killer gets used to dealing with it by just curling up somewhere and riding it out

then he winds up with cross and about a month in, he gets a pretty mild episode that lasts about two days, and he definitely flags a bit, randomly stopping to lean against a wall or tree, whatever is available, for a minute or two, then he's alright enough to move along and keep up with cross, thought he does have a bit of a limp

and then it goes past without incident, and then another two or three months go by, and they're a lot more. warm with each other, and killer gets just. he wakes up with the most horrid combination of pain in every bit of his body and there's the worst throbbing in the back of his skull and he just can't fucking move

and cross, a total sweetheart, lightly kicks killer and tells him to get up cuz they need to go, and killer just curls up in a miserable ball and whines for cross to leave him alone and it's so unlike him that cross is like.

"...are you sick?" and killer just gives a watery huff, feeling like total shit and cross finally leaves him alone and killer eventually just passes the fuck out, to cross's alarm, and he's unconcious for like. three days and violently sick for another three, then kinda ill and weak for another two days, and then bounces back and its like.

anyways im not sure where I'm going with that, im exhausted, but the idea of cross holding killer during one of his bad LV episodes and like, idk, trying to soothe him with what little healing magic he has to spare, it has me in a chokehold now

AUGHHH OHH MY GOD WAIT WAIT I love this actually wait

I definitely think this ties back into the whole thing with Killer’s soul already being a bit fucked up cause of the atmosphere and all of the after effects of the bombs and stuff

So THAT whole thing mixed in with the lv spikes like. Yeah. Yeah

And maybe at first Cross like. Doesn’t think too much about it when it happens or it even irritates him at first cause it means they can’t move as fast or killer couldn’t defend himself as easily if he needed to but later when they’re more settled Cross starts to like. Pick up on it. Like he can start telling when it’s happening or when it’s getting worse and he’s kinda learned how to deal with it and how to help and how to minimize Killer just feeling like shit to the best of his ability. And he’s learned to not push Killer to get moving again like he normally would when it’s happening, and to let him be, and he’s learned to like. Look out for him??? Or something??? Cause I’d imagine up until then he’s used to Killer kinda pullin his own weight for the most part

And Killer in turn learns to let cross help him. In a way??? Like it’s weird for both of them. Cause up until then Killer’s done it all himself. He’s rode out the spikes by himself, and now here’s Cross, trying to help or whatever and maybe killer’s stubborn about that at first??? Like shying away from it. Y’know. Like maybe he manages to make half hearted, strained jokes about it. Or something. But he realizes having Cross there’s much better than just suffering in the back of some scrappy car for days and then it’s not so bad

And It maybe like. Scares cross almost?? Like initially. Cause he sees Killer just be so drastically different than he’s used to it’s like. Fuck man is this guy just gonna drop dead any second

ANYWAY IDK what I’m on about that was a lot of just rambling on my part I feel but absolutely so real you’re so right so real

[noblechaton]

now that I've more definitively finished series 5 I can comfortably say that it was probably my least favorite run of the revival to this point lmao. at the very best it's on part with series 3 - the weakest of the RTD era - while at its worst it's genuinely unwatchable

there's definitely some merit here though. it's very entertaining if you stop expecting character beats to be sprinkled in while in a general sense it performs its role of entertainment really well. it's flashy and snappy and loud from the first minute of The Eleventh Hour and rarely slows down from there. there was a clear desire to continue the more Epic nature of the show that had started bubbling up during series 4 where it was, yanno, kind of earned

but that bombastic nature is kind of the biggest positive about it. gone are the deeper meanings and narratives, character introspection is often relegated to jokes or just kind of unearned. any depth the RTD era might have carried did not get passed on here, with 11 being a huge asshole for like 9 out of 13 episodes while you could remove Amy from every episode and I doubt I'd notice

Moffat clearly leaned more towards a fairy tale interpretation of the Doctor and the world around them, but it largely falls flat because characters are rarely humanized. everyone seems to be carrying the punchline to someone else's joke and little else. there's a magic to certain things, sure, and it does start to trend upwards near the end of the series, but it's bogged down by this weirdly incessant need for quips and jokes regardless of the situation. imagine if at the end of the Library two parter, the Doctor and Donna had a fuckin laugh in the TARDIS. like c'mon

generally speaking too I found 11 to be more annoying than I remembered. he constantly talks about not having a plan and constantly makes these weird little aside jokes during his ramblings but we don't really see him ever be genuine or nice to anyone for a long while - certainly not towards Amy, either, who he at times seems to fucking hate lmao. multiple times I wondered why she kept on with him, but she never once really seems to want to go home because of how she's treated and only does after some harrowing adventure seems to wake her up - until it doesn't! like idk if she just wanted to fuck the guy that badly - the scene where she both jumps him and spreads out for him is so sincerely embarrassing I cannot believe it got filmed - or if she was just. stubborn? stupid? we don't get much from Amy, not enough to know her at least, to the point that fucking Rory, a guy in like five episodes, is a better character than her. what the fuck!

there's also more of a reliance on CGI this series than before and while I don't tend to fault TV CGI all that much it really starts to get difficult to brush off or otherwise ignore when a lot of elements are CGI'd in and that CGI just. doesn't hold up. the CGI during RTD's era wasn't great, but it was often more skillfully utilized and so it was at least more charming than it is here. similarly, I noticed the ADR was way fucking worse this time around than I'd ever noticed before. entire exchanges come through that were clearly recorded in a booth somewhere and it's really funny honestly

ultimately I think series 5 does play to Moffat's strengths to good effect at times - the opening of Eleventh Hour with 11 and Amelia is still really solid, a lot of the timey whimey fucky wucky stuff is done with consistency enough that you can sorta easily follow it - but all too often you can kinda see his stories straining now that they aren't just one offs in someone else's narrative. a lot of the other writers similarly seemed to struggle, given just how bad some stories get. the Silurian two parter was genuinely so bad I wondered why they brought them back, while the Angel two parter feels as if it was made to sabotage the angels as a concept lmao

it's not all bad, and it's certainly entertaining enough all the same. Vincent and the Doctor still holds up, the Lodger was more fun than you might expect, Amy's Choice is largely fun while I even enjoyed the finale stuff to a point, and Christmas Carol is a genuine standout among the holiday specials (mostly because it's. actually focused on Christmas this time around. lmao), and there's solid moments spread throughout even the worst of the episodes, with the best of them being obviously focused on humanity and relatable traits - a thing the RTD era unabashedly leaned into

but it's such a step down from the peak that was series 4. all the character work is just gone, everything feels so much less thoughtful and the characters themselves tend to range from annoying to boring and little else. there are always gonna be growing pains when crews behind the scenes change like they did here, but some of series 5 is worse beyond that excuse. I can see why it stayed hot, why it caught on even more so and why so many fell in love with this series - it's entertaining if you don't look too deep, the characters enjoyable if you don't expect much from them, Matt and Karen have obvious chemistry as leads despite the best efforts to stamp that out - but as I feel right now, it's super overrated and largely just sort of okay at best with a few great highlights and some drastic lowlights all the same. far from a classic, but still not the dirt worst I guess

at least series 6 is. Moffat at his Moffiest!

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 020 - Another Prison Break

Star Trek: Enterprise - Season 1 Episode 21 - Detained

The episode throws us right into the plot, even in the cold open, by having Mayweather and Archer wake up in some prison, where the majority of the prisoners are Suliban. Supposedly, these people have been at war with the Suliban Cabal, presumably part of the Temporal Cold War that's been brought up a few times throughout the series.

It appears however, that most of the Suliban in the prison aren't part of the Cabal. The Prison's warden was at first compliant, but immediately turns a lot more hostile once Archer starts talking to the Suliban. This episode unmistakably a Sci-Fi metaphor for the American Interment Camps in World War 2, and the episode even directly states the connection. The situation was covered with the weight the topic deserved.

Archer has a lot of great moments in this episode, making friends with the Sulibans. Honestly though, this should have been at least partially a Mayweather focus episode. We have two crew members in the prison, the script seems determined to give all the story beats to Archer. As a Character, he's definitely been given the Shaft in this series. Twenty episodes in, and he's only really had one focus episode to shine in, and even there he was overshadowed. In this episode, his lines are mostly just questions to get exposition, nothing really character development. Can some episodes please give this man something to do?

Aside from Travis feeling more like set-dressing than a character, the episode was a really really good episode about Governmental Racism and overreach during times of war. This was a very enjoyable episode, and I loved seeing the plan come together. And leaving it on the somewhat dark not of the question "will they be alright" unanswered was brilliant. This episode certainly hits my top 5 so far!

This episode does notably share a title with an Episode of the Doctor Who Spin Off, Class. I'm still deciding on my arbitrary rules for the Same Episode Title Segment thing, but I'll do it here. I don't like Class, but blocking off Class but still doing SJA and TW for these things would feel wrong. So:

Comparing my Enjoyment of this Episode with a Doctor Who Universe Story of the Same Title

Class: Episode 6 - Detained

This is gonna be a long one, it's probably going to be my only chance to talk about this Spin Off.

Class as a Spin Off series was cancelled after one season, and it's a common opinion that the BBC never really gave it the chance it deserved, it aired during the 2016 gap year when the general audiences weren't thinking about Doctor Who and the marketing for never really made it clear who the audience was supposed to be.

That said, when it aired, I didn't really like it. It felt like it was combining the worst aspects of the other two Spin Off, SJA and Torchwood, without anything that made those series so great. It also doesn't help that SJA and TW were given multiple seasons to outgrow their issues, whereas Class only has it's very flawed 8 episode run.

But wider series issues aside: This particular episode of Class consists of the main cast, minus it's most interesting character, trapped in room in the void with an alien rock called "The Prisoner" that radiates Anger, and when you touch it makes you relive traumatic memories when you pick it up and speak unspoken truths. Which is good set up for character drama. And, they do a lot with it. Every character does get a shot with the Rock. This is one of the better episodes of Class, and one that sadly showcases what could have been if the series was given a chance, but the episode focusses way too much on the Relationship dramas of the cast, and I simply don't care enough about these characters to be invested in

Both the Enterprise "Detained" and the Whoniverse "Detained" were enjoyable, but I found the Star Trek enterprise episode a lot easier to watch, mainly because enjoying the Class episode involved getting over the fact that I don't like the series as a whole.

I hope I don't come across overly negative about Doctor Who in these title sharing ones, I swear I do actually like Doctor Who, Star Trek episodes just seem to share titles with the Bad Parts of Who

[plaguepoetree]

Chapter 4: Lavinia has entered the chat

Nico di Angelo is not miserable.

Will Solace is too tired for this shit.

The thing about Apollo is he's the definition of dramatic. He walked and talked like the world was his stage. As if he was the star in a show who broke the fourth wall, way too much. Will learned early on that he would forever be in the shadows of those like his father. He was born in the midst of greatness. His father was a man of many trades, his mother was a famous musician. His siblings possessed gifts that trusted them in the spotlight. Will was simply an average person surrounded by what people would refer to as main characters. Accepting his place on the sidelines became easy with time. He'd come to accept his casting as a side character. In his fathers story, his mothers, Kayla and Austin and even Nico's. They were simply some of the few in Will's life that the narrative was obviously about.

Nico is a superhero and all. Will wasn’t blind. He knew his casting. He was Nico's love interest, the son of celebrities, not to mention the doctor friend. He was like the one whose name was only remembered from that one backstory filler episode. He was okay with that. He'd been conditioned into acceptance.

It never really bothered him. Being the kid of celebrities meant he got a glimpse of the spotlight usually with the question 'What's it like being the son of Naomi Solace and Apollo?'  That was it. The question was answered and once it became apparent to the media that Will Solace wasn't a rising star they didn't bother with him. He wasn't worthy of a documentary or anything more than a footnote and minimalistic page on wiki.

Will's life wasn't a storybook. He'd grown up in Texas and later in life moved to Long Island where he attended school and summer camp. It was there he met most of his friends and of course Nico. They all bound over lack of one or more parents. Was it a surprise though? Statistics showed that people with the En gene were more likely to find it hard to settle down. Hades ran a max security prison filled with villains! Apollo was an actor, a musician, a doctor and not to mention an Olympic Archer. They didn't have much time for children.

Of course Will's father had put most of his focus in his Hospital as of late. Which had caused him to get a bit better at being…fatherly? Apollo was still extremely busy but every once in a while he'd make dinner reservations for him and a few of his children. He’d also taken to giving everyone a phone call every couple weeks. So of course it wasn't rare for Will's phone to ring out I'm Walking On Sunshine. A song his father found insulting.

"William there are plenty of better options for my designated ringtone! At least give me something by The Beatles or Alabama Shakes!"

Will never changed it. However, waking up to Katrina and The Waves made him wonder why he'd never considered it. Apollo always called at the worst times. More than once during intimate interactions with Nico and twice during an important meeting with Will's boss (in which his boss told him he hadn't been selected for the position). Will gave a fleeting glance to the time. It was barely six.  Will had fallen asleep hardly an hour prior. It had taken a while to follow Nico into sleep with Will's mind in shambles.

The phone buzzed angrily against Will's leg with a muffled "Woooah! And don't it feel good!" He had accidentally fallen asleep with it in his pocket. Which was a bummer considering it ultimately meant it was on the verge of death. Will fumbled for the cell pulling it to his face. The contact photo glared at him. It was a pic of them during graduation. Apollo had sunglasses despite the lack of sun and was holding a pen that he'd been using to sign autographs. Will was smiling wildly because just off camera Nico had shoved Percy in the campus fountain. 

With a clumsy finger Will attempted to swipe right only to fail twice before successfully answering. The other end of the line crackled to life. Will could hear Apollo shouting something like a coffee order followed by a "And don't drink it this time!"

"Hello?" Will grumbled. He glanced to Nico's empty side of the bed and felt a wave of disappointment. 

"William! How fast can you get downtown?" There was no greeting and the volume of Apollo's voice shook Will's throbbing brain.

Will sat up the bed creaking under his wait. He reached with a steady palm, digging his fingers into the disturbed sheets on Nicos side. They were still warm. Which meant Nico hadn’t been gone long. It wasn't comforting however considering that while Nico had gotten a few more hours of sleep than Will it hadn't been nearly enough.

"Good morning to you too dad," Will mutters dryly, "I've been great! How about you? How's Auntie Artemis?"

"Will as much as I love your sassy ass in the morning, we've got urgent business!" Apollo huffs, "how fast can you get here?"

"Where?"

"The hospital!"

"Your hospital?"

"Yes mine!" Apollo exclaims. 

Will takes a minute letting his mind wrap around the conversation, "Why? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is someone hurt?"

"I'm perfectly healthy!" He sounded externally offended, "Just ask my personal trainer! He's hot! Not as good looking as me but I'd lick mustard off his chest-"

"Dad!"

"-and it's a hospital. Will people don’t come here for tea though we do have an excellent Boba place ," Apollo states, "Oh, and I can literally see several hurt people in my peripheral-"

Suddenly Apollo was letting out a sympathetic hiss. Then he spoke to someone on his side.

"Oww! That looks painful! Last time I seen a nose that flatten it was 'he who shall not be named!'"

Whoever he spoke to didn't laugh but Apollo didn't seem deterred by it. Will raised his hand brushing the matted curls from his forehead before dragging his palm down his face. His eyes felt like they wanted to eject from his skull. With sluggish movement he kicked the comforter off him and moved to sit on the side of the bed. The curtains were drawn tight but Will didn’t need them open to know how the sun was currently not up! 

"You're not answering the question," Will was not awake for this.

Apollo hummed, "I need your…talents!"

Will frowned, "Talents? What exactly is it that I can do that you can't?"

"Nothing…Well besides score an emo babe…"

"Daaaad!"

"But I need you for…well…it's more of a second opinion thing…it would be easier to show you," Apollo declares, "I expect you here in an hour or less…less is preferred!"

"You do know I don't work for you right?"

"That's really a mistake on your part," Apollo says, "don't be late!"

The call beeped out and Will sighed with it. He pulled the phone from his ear noting the dying battery. The red sliver of power taunted him.

 "Bye! Love you Will!" Will said in his best Apollo impression.

Letting out several breaths through his nose Will reached to his nightstand. He let his fingers drift around the wooden surface blindly before noticing his phone cords absent. It took his tired mind several moments to process it must have fallen between the stand and the wall. Today was a fantastic start. He moved to stand cracking his back and rolling his shoulders. Then with little grace or delicacies Will tugged the table from the wall. The lamp rocked as he maneuvered it to reach for his charger. Catching the cord between his fingers he pulled up the end, nearly knocking the lamp completely off. It took way longer than necessary to plug his cell in. The connection was made successful by a resonating bing.

Will stood in place for several moments, his hazed brain asking the random early morning questions. How much caffeine could a human consume before death was imminent? Would he ever get a decent night's sleep? Could he get away with homicide? Would Apollos' powers stop him from being poisoned? How could Will get his hands of thallium? Can Google teach him how to lie properly? Would Nico help him hide the body or was that against his moral code being a superhero?

"Will, you can't murder your father," Will finally declared, "You'll go to prison and you won't do well in prison."

Not fully convinced of his reasoning he began towards his dresser. He wasted no time opening each drawer and pulling out an arrangement of attire. He hardly cared if it matched. In fact it was better it didn't. Apollo would be scandalized. The thought made him feel a little better but no less exhausted. He debated dressing in 'doctor dress code' only a moment before reminding himself he wasn't going to work…Not technically anyway. However, he was going to assist his father which basically translated to work or as Apollo called it 'bonding.'

Will quickly decided on a horrid orange t-shirt under a green plaid jacket. Then he opted for a pair of navy blue cargo shorts because it wasn't that cold yet. They were far from matching or appropriate which was just what he was going for. Then to top off everything he wore flip flops (the ones that earned their namesake with every step.)

Feeling a bit more awake (and less murderous) Will marched toward the bathroom to brush his teeth. To Will's surprise he found it occupied. Nico stood in the open doorway, a towel firm around his waist and hand reaching to flick off the light. He seemed startled to see Will. His dark eyes flickering all around Will as if he had a distinct outline. Water dripped from Nico's hair running down his face and torso. Will watched as a single bead streaked down the male's sharp features before gathering at his nose and dropping to the floor. Will was so focused on following the descent of water that when the silence was broken he leapt several inches back.

"You're up early," Nico comments, then he frowns his eyebrows looking Will up and down again, "You going somewhere?"

Before Will could form a response, Nico was taking a step to the side allowing entrance to the bathroom. Will slid past him quickly noting how Nico did his best to avoid possible skin contact. His boy arched pack like a cat who didn't want to be petted. Frowning Will took his place in front of the sink. His reflection glared back at him, tired and blotchy. Nico who stood slightly in the doorway met his eyes in the glass. Will couldn’t help but give the male a tired smile. Nico didn't return it but his eyes seemed softer. 

 The Italian looked as attractive as ever and Will was still too tired to be entertaining those thoughts. Then again maybe not. Will took a minute to pull his thoughts back on course, grabbing his yellow toothbrush out of the holder (a mandalorian coffee cup.) 

"My dad called, he needs my talents," Will finally answers. He watched his boyfriend's face, prepping his toothbrush and shoving it into his mouth. He noted Nico had left the toothpaste cap off again. 

Will had a flash of annoyance but it faded as Nico tilted his head (wasn't that just adorable). Then Nico asked, "What exactly is it that you can do that he can't?"

'Score and emo babe!'

"That's what I wanna know!" Will exclaims after spitting and rinsing away the rest of the minty paste. He quickly deposited his toothbrush. Then with inherited dramatic flare, he held up the toothpaste and made a show of securing the lid. 

Nico only hummed, "He knows you don't work for him right?"

Will sighed, turning to face Nico and leaning slightly to rest against the sink, "He reminds me every time we talk!" 

Will let his eyes drift to Nico's chest. It was strange he hadn't noticed before. Dark bruising some old and new. Colors of yellow, purple, green and red. It was nauseating and Will wondered why he hadn't detected it last night? Perhaps it was overshadowed by everything else. Maybe Will was just that exhausted. If his father expected his healing abilities Will could only hope he’d recharged enough to be of use.

"What happened to your chest?" He asked softly. Nico shifted slightly but didn't attempt to hide anything. There wasn't exactly a point Will had already seen.

"I was training new field recruits," Nico lied through his teeth with ease. It nearly made Will flinch. It made his heart ache with how easy it was for Nico to mislead.

The thing was that Will had done plenty of research. Including the most recent incident involving a certain Ghost King. Only three days prior there had been an incident with a local gang called the Cynocephali. They wore masks resembling that of dogs and they had managed to throw Nico through a brick wall among other things. The fresh bruising pattern made sense with the knowledge. 

Will should just let it go, let Nico keep his secrets for now. However, Will really wanted to make Nico sweat. Who could blame him? Will could have a little fun right? Just to watch the Italian squirm?

"Huh…didn't know you trained recruits? I thought Chiron and Lupa would have someone else do it considering you and the team are so…busy?" Will says.

Nico blinked slightly. Will wanted to laugh at his surprise. In addition to researching The Ghost King and all relations he's also done some digging on HB. The more he'd read the more he began to remember things. Nico had mentioned small tidbits throughout the years. He'd made comments on different departments and people that Will had met fleetingly at one or two company Christmas parties. All of which were held off HB premises and had a bit more security than Will had thought necessary.

It must be a bit of a shock for Will remembering a fine detail. Chiron and Lupa held the evaluation and training progress. And that it was a delicate matter that only the leads such as Reyna dabbled in. It was more likely out of Nicos team Jason or Frank would be pulled in to assist with training (Nico and Percy had grumbled the unfairness of the other boys' security clearance more than once.)

Everyone Will had met employed there was cryptic about the agency workings. Not that Will had ever bothered pushing for an outline. Mainly because it was obvious how uncomfortable it made everyone. Leo got fidgety, Jason and Annabeth spoke from rehearsed lines and Nico simply shrugged it off. That being said, any amount of information Will was given was few and far between. It was easy for him to forget what he'd been told and for others to expect him to have forgotten.

So Nico's surprise wasn't unwarranted. Although Will had met Chiron on many occasions. Nico wouldn't think Will would know the man's actual job. Not to mention Will had never met Lupa. Which made Will wonder if anyone had ever mentioned her to him? The more he thought about it perhaps Jason had said something about her once. However, anything of importance he knew was from his recent google search.

"Uh..yeah…well we were short staffed and sometimes it's good to break away to get a better perspective," Nico declares smoothly, then he added,"Which reminds me that maybe it's time you 'break away'."

"What?" Will couldn’t help but fall into Nicos obvious escape goat. What was that boy talking about?

 

"You could always just accept your dads offer, break away from Epidaurus," Nico says suddenly, "You hate the emergency room…your abilities are wasted there! They only give you the minor cases! All you do is treat broken bones and hypochondriacs!"

"Okay Kelly Clarkson, that's not true! Last week I dug a battery out of an eleven year olds nose!" Will countered, "apparently their starting acid early."

Nico rolled his eyes which hurt. Will thought that was pretty funny, "You should have your own patients by now, you know an office and all that!"

"I'm not having this argument with you," Will groans, then because he was defensive adds, "And I don't hate the emergency room!"

Nico crosses his arms and his towel holds strong. Which was a disappointment, "Yes you do, the pay sucks and it's been years, they still treat you like you're just out of grad school."

"Nothing has opened up! I just gotta be patient!"

"Yeah there's nothing right now but how many times has a position opened up since you've been there?" Nico spats, "I'll tell you! Seven! and you've applied for all of them and like clockwork you come home and eat a family size pack of yellow oreos-" 

"Golden oreos-"

"Because you're upset that once again you were denied and instead the position was given to a guy like fucking Jared the intern instead of you who has the talent and seniority!"

"First off Jared wasn't an intern he was a nursing assistant and secondly the positions are given to those who best fit its criteria and have the most experience!" Will was tired of having this argument.

The fight about Will's job was another dispute that had been getting more heated each time it came up. Nico always brought up the fucking oreos. As if it was the most dramatic thing Will did when he found out he'd been turned down. Nico never mentions that Will watched all the Star Wars movies and slowly destroyed his eleventh grade anatomy book as if it were a 'wreck this journal'. (He was down to the glossary now).

"Will you reattach an arm if that's not experience? I don't know what is! You are just as qualified as the rest of them, you have the schooling not to mention your gift," Nico states, "Which should qualify you even more!"

Will sighed, "It doesn’t…in fact it makes it even harder, being gifted with healing doesn't mean I have any more of a right to a better position than anyone else!"

"No, it doesn't but you've worked hard for your degree, you continue working hard everyday, you're an amazing doctor," Nico tells him, "With or without powers."

Will felt a flare of warmth and pride. Gods how he loved Nico di Angelo! It had been awhile since Nico had said something so nice to Will. They'd used to exchange words of praise like breaths. What had happened to that…to them?

"I wish people could see it that way…but you know how it is…if they gave me the position people would believe I only got it for my ability not because of my degree or experience…they'll look at it as favoritism or discrimination against mortal's!" Will explains, "People without a healing gift they'll feel cheated!"

"That's stupid…you can't help you were born with an advantage…and anyway they should be judging you on your skills outside of that," Nico counters, "how well you do stitches or whatever doctors do!"

Will couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. Nico truly had a way with words. The burst of giggles made him snort through his nose. When he finally could catch his breath Will took a step closer to his boyfriend.

"Nico…you're right," he says with finality, "I wish people could see it that way…but they don't…so it's best for me to be patient and wait…it'll all work out, I'll move up when management sees it right."

Nico slumped his lip pressing out into a pout. He eyed Will with a look of incredulous. It took several long minutes of silence before Nico seemed to come to terms with a response.

"I still think you should take up Apollo's offer…better hours…better pay… you deserve it!" Nico declares.

"I'm okay with my hours…and my pays fine we get by perfectly well," because Will couldn’t help himself, "I mean with all your overtime we shouldn't be struggling in the slightest."

Nico looked slightly nauseated, "It's not just about money Will, it's about how I'm tired of seeing you miserable and how angry it makes me that you let them get away with their bigotry!"

"Oh! And I guess I should just quit and go work for my father because it upsets you!"

"That's not what I said!" Nico grumbles, "Besides this is about how it upsets you!"

Will was too tired. It had barely been two days and he was about to lose it, "I told you I'm fine!"

"But you're not happy!"

"I'm helping people!" Will spats, "Sorry if it's not up to your standards!"

"What about helping yourself!" Nico demands, "You're so hypocritical about others being happy and doing what makes them happy the least you can do is take a chance and go for a job that'll not leave you miserable!"

"Oh! You're right Neeks here's an idea why don't I go work for HB! Since you're so adamant about me getting a new job, and you never come home miserable from your job and you never have complaints because it's so perfect!"

"No job is fucking perfect! Just because I like my job doesn't mean I don't have complaints!" Nico growls, "besides you wouldn't like it there!"

"How would you know? Maybe I would! I mean you spend more time there than at home. Maybe I wanna know what all the hype is about," Will spats, "Maybe I don't wanna be home either!"

"We're do you get these crazy ideas!" Nico's eyes looked wild, "What makes you think I don't wanna be home?"

"You're never here!" 

"I'm here right now!" 

"Not for long, it's been like six hours max since you got here?" Will mocked, "That's an awfully long time you might want to hurry back to work, wouldn't want to miss out on being miserable in the workplace!"

"Why are you like this!?" The shadows under Nico's eyes made him look crazed as he scowled. Will's stomach drops. He was adding fuel to a fire that neither wanted to burn but neither could put out, "What is wrong with you!?"

"Maybe if you were home every once in a while you might know!" Will cries, "Maybe if we actually talked we could get to the actual problem!"

"How can we talk when you do nothing but turn everything into a fight!" Nico hisses.

"Me!" Will exclaims, "I turn everything into a fight! That's bullshit and you know it!"

This wasn't helping Wills plan for tonight. They needed to talk about the hero thing. However, at this rate Nico wouldn't come home. The fight was giving him a reason to stay away. Nico looked between Will and the door.

"I don't have time for this right now," he says, "Don't you have to be getting to Apollo or something."

"I-" Will started his voice still too loud. He stopped pulling a deep breath through his nose. It didn't feel like enough oxygen to his pounding heart. He wanted to scream and maybe cry. Mostly slapping Nico felt like the right course of action.

However he didn't do that. Instead Will stood there counting his breaths until the heat on his face and ears faded to a soft burn. As the moments passed Will watched the look on Nico's face shifted from angry to bored. It was a look Will was beginning to take personally. What did he expect though? Nico couldn't very well look at Will like he was magnificent or super. Will was boring compared to what Nico saw and dealt with on the daily. Arguing with his boyfriend compared to fighting crazed villains? It must be like watching grass grow or paint dry. 

Boring. Will had accepted that as a trait of himself. His siblings were amazing and his parents were famous. Nico and most of their friends were superheroes. What can Will expect being compared to any of them? He was just lucky they included him in their lives. 

"You're self deprecating," Nico snips, "I can see it on your face…stop it."

Then with a finality Nico turned to their bedroom. Will let his eyes follow him, noting the harsher bruising along his back. Will wanted to make another comment. However, he couldn’t stand the thought of starting up the fight again or worse being lied to more. Nico had said he was training new recruits. At least the lies before this were closer to the truth. Nico's usual response was his injuries were due to an investigation gone wrong or a hazard of working with Percy Jackson and Jason Grace. 

Nico usually never gave more than a fragment of a truth. When Will healed Nicos stab wound a few years back what had he told him?

"People don't like being arrested, Will."

"It's Tuesday , why are you arresting a Samaria on a Tuesday!?" Will growled, "Besides I thought you weren't a part of the apprehending of criminals!?"

 "I got promoted!"

"No you got stabbed! By a sword Nico! A sword! What is this Game of Thrones!?"

"If it is, can I be Jon Snow?"

"No!"

"You could be my Daenerys!"

"Ew! First incest and second that would make me a woman and your gay."

"I'd be bi for you."

Despite Will's worry and prying Nico had only insisted it was all a work related incident and  further details were classified. That was a word Will had grown to despise. Classified. Now that Will knew the truth ( mostly) he understood that was Nicos 'out' method to stop further questioning. Perhaps Nico used it to avoid making up a more in depth lie. Maybe the classified card made him feel less guilty. Stretching the truth was less guilt-inducing than flat out falsehoods. Or maybe Nico couldn't be bothered with wasting his time making a more thorough explanation. Why put effort into something when it wasn't warranted. What did Will expect when it was obvious how oblivious Nico thought him? It had taken this long for Will to even find out.  

You must make it so easy for him to keep secrets, Will thought bitterly.

 It made him angry. Which then made him feel stupid. He was making assumptions! He didn't know everything. He didn't know why Nico hadn’t told him. Maybe Nico was afraid. Terrified about all his untruths that it was easier to add to the pile instead of expunge it. Anyway wasn't it Will's fault for being so unheeding?

That all being said, Will now had to be the person to breach said pile of deception. If he keeps silently cursing his boyfriend they'll never be okay again. They'll constantly be this: Feuding and miserable. Will needs to encourage Nico to tell him everything. It was a delicate situation. Will couldn’t keep fueling his anger and whatever fire was currently burning.

"Nico…" Will says calmer than before, "I…just…do you know what time you'll be home?" 

Will felt awkward asking; he made sure his voice held no agitation or suspicion. Most of all he hoped he didn't sound nervous. Moments before he had implied that Nico didn't wanna be home. To Will's relief Nico didn't stir back up that particular line.

Nico blinked, tilting his head and adjusting his towel slightly, "I don't know…late…"

Will felt his face flush for no reason other than nerves. He had decided he'd confront Nico tonight. He couldn’t back out, they needed to talk about everything. Before Will spatted out during a fight or something equally as horrid ('Like sex,' Cecil voice whispered in his skull.) Squaring his shoulders slightly Will gave his best reassuring smile.

"I…it's been awhile…since we just talked…and i've got a lot in my head..and ive..ive got something important I wanna talk about..tell you…and well…I don't wanna fight…I just…I'd like to talk," Will nearly facepalmed himself. He sounds like an idiot. So much for calm or nonchalant. He sounded like the definition of nervous.

Nico looked concerned and that was not what Will wanted. He didn't want to make him worry and he didn't want to make things uncomfortable before they actually needed to enter the area of discomfort. 

"Is everything okay?" Nico asked softly then jokingly, "You're not pregnant are you?"

That lightened a bit of tension in Will's body. He let out a snort, "Oh no! You ruined the surprise! You're gonna be a father!"

It was Nicos turn to snort. They stand chuckling softly for several moments. It was nice. Like old times. It was also a bit disconcerting considering they'd been yelling at each other moments before. Naomi Solace would probably tell him that was a good thing but a couple therapist might say something else. Even so Will wished they could freeze time. It would be wonderful to simply live in this moment forever. Laughing…being happy. That however wasn't possible. 

"Seriously though," Will says, "It's important but…nothing to worry about."

Nico nodded softly eyeing Will with something resembling uncertainty, "You sure? We can talk now, we've got time."

Panic.

They couldn't talk now! Nico was in a towel (which was hard to ignore or forget.) Besides, Will hadn’t thought about how to breach the subject. It was a lot to unload. Things wouldn't be the same after. Will wasn’t dumb enough not to realize how big a change this would insure. He wasn't ready, he might never be, and now wasn't the time.

"Oh…no, I mean I should really be going, you know how dad is!" Will didn’t actually care how long Apollo waited but it was a good excuse for the moment, "It's not urgent anyway it can wait!"

"Okay…if you're sure,"  Nico says, "I'll  try and be home as soon as I can."

Will began backing down the hall making his leave, "It's fine no rush I'll see you tonight!"

"Yeah," Nico replies, "See you…"

Will slammed the door behind him a bit too hard. The frame rattled and he had to stop himself from falling against it. The hall was completely empty and it seemed to remind Will how early it currently was. He winced praying they wouldn't get another noise complaint. Gods! Will had never thought they’d be those neighbors.

The journey down town was uneventful though the bus had to take the long way due to construction. The problem with living in an advanced human society meant that taxes went towards repairing the latest super show down instead of potholes. The street currently closed for work was the aftermath of The Mechanical Dragon taking on lanky from another mafia wannabe organization.

Will had treated seventeen patients with various burns (nothing life threatening) all who instead of following evacuation procedures, wanted to get the best story on their Iris accounts. That had been a hectic day. 

Instead of the ride taking its usual twenty or so minutes it had taken well over an hour even in the moderate traffic of the late night-early morning. To Will's surprise he didn't hear his phone ring out Walking On Sunshine. Usually his father was impatient and normally would have blown up Will's cells with calls and messages. Demanding his whereabouts and what was exactly taking so long. So it was extremely out of character for Apollo to be radio silent. Will didn't question it, instead he spent the entire ride trying to stay awake. He mostly did so by listening to a phone conversation of a young gentleman who wore a Westport College baseball cap.

It was impolite to stare so Will gazed out the window as the male whispered harshly, "-This is your fault! None of this was supposed to happen!...I don't care…Liste-...No…I don't have time…Why? Because I gotta fix your mess!"

The man was silent then. Will could just make out the muffling sound of the voice on the other end. For amusement Will imagined perhaps this conversation was a lover quarrel. Maybe Will and Nico weren't the only ones disputing this early. Logically Will knew that statistically there were plenty of people fighting every minute of every day. Will knew he and Nico weren't the only ones in their own apartment building having disputes. However, he felt a little better witnessing a possible one.

"Here's an idea why don't you go get your favorite oral Oracle and I'll clean your mess and will get fucking Mcdonalds afterwards!"

The bus came to a stop shortly after the man abruptly ended his call. Will watched as the male stormed past his seat and out the door in silent fury. Will followed after him much slower, stopping long enough to say a farewell to the bus driver. He stepped onto the deserted sidewalk and noted that his drop off companion was already several strides away in the opposite direction of the hospital. Sadly or luckily depending on the view Will was alone.

The bus stop was less than two blocks from the hospital. Will took it at a slow pace. He was too tired to be efficient in his steps. Luckily the walk helped to wake him up. And if it hadn't done the complete job the descent to the hospital entrance sure did. Why did his father request so many stairs? It was like entering that one art museum. Maybe he should have entered on the other side of the building with the easy access ramps. However, by the time he began to regret It was too late for that. He was around half way there at that point. When he finally walked through the automatic doors he was sure he was gonna pass out.

Which was funny considering Will wasn’t out of shape by any means. He went to the gym sometimes and he played plenty of sports in his youth. However there was something about those stairs that got him every time! He did his best not to breathe so loud and heavy as he nodded to several women at the front desk.

Apollos Medical Hospital was unlike anything. The closest comparison was the Olympus building. Their similarities were no surprise considering Olympus was built by Zeus's (Apollo's father's). While Apollo's was a medical facility Olympus was basically like the Stark Industry or Wayne Enterprises, Inc (without a CEO Vigilante with dead parents). They specialize in everything from technology, to schooling, and even fashion. It was even rumored that the company also dealt heavily in political affairs but it was tight lipped. Everyone seemed to have some connection to the company. They own everything! So much so that Will was waiting for them to announce taking over Disney.

That being said Apollo being his fathers son of course had to one up the man. Which came in the form of my building is bigger than your building! Apollo even had Annabeth design it not even a month after she helped rebuild Olympus. The family feud/rivalry between Apollo and Zeus didn't seem to have a set date. Though it started no later than when Zeus kicked Apollo out the first time at the ripe age of fourteen. It grew and dispatched through the years going from small jabs to being cut from the Inheritance. Though you weren't part of Zues family unless you were disowned from it at least once.

The most recent fuel in the father son debacle was Apollo being kicked out of the Olympus Council. Which had been a big hit on Apollo's ego and the main gossip headline for several months. Currently Apollo was still chairless and had been for several years. That meant he did everything in his power to outshine his fathers company. With Apollos' focus currently residing in the medical field that was often in the form of refusing to endorse any related thing manufactured by Olympus. 

With Will's father being an influencer in addition to having been a potential heir to the company the drama did wonders. Stocks had plummeted in the medical area. From what the News portrayed, Olympus development of musical instruments and tech had been put on hiatus. It was obvious as to why. Consequently it made the possibility of Apollo retaking his place on the council and line of succession slim. The knowledge would have once made Apollo weep. However, after the first year of pleading for Zeus to reconsider Apollo had wiped his hands of it all and decided to make his father regret it. Which truly is character development and Will couldn’t help being proud. Grandpa Zeus was a real asshole.

The best way to describe Apollo's Hospital in its white and gold regionalism was Greek- -with-a-bit-of-Roman-inspired-architecture-modernized. Will wasn’t Annabeth so it was the best he could do with explaining. High marble white pillars acted as support in and outside the building similar to the Parthenon. Statues of modern and old musicians' legends were portrayed as gods and goddesses. Taylor Swift, Shakira and Beyonce had recently carved marble figures. It was like a wax museum in some places. The elevator music consisted of songs from the Top 100 list. Overall the place was…its own entity. Beautiful and unique and cringy in all honesty. 

Will marched towards the receptionist desk, his flip-flops squelching and plucking on sleek tiles. The atmosphere was too sunny for this time of morning. The bright LED lights glared from above. Will see black dots just from a simple glance up. He blinked rapidly trying to clear his vision. He was to have a word with his father about dimming his indoor solar flare. 

Will was hardly three steps from the desk when his path was blocked. He was greeted by a pink-haired woman with a devilish glare. Unlike the receptionist in their professional doctoring attire, she was dressed in a horrid purple shirt with a picture of a cactus, paired with a pink and purple plaid skirt. Unlike Will she had appropriate footwear (black platforms) over her green socks. 

"You're late!" She snapped and Will gave her a large smile. Or at least as big as he could manage. He was still catching his breath not to mention Will was the type of person who rose with the sun not before it! Sue him for not being peppy.

"Lavinia nice to see you," he offers.

Lavinia leaned to her left tilting her head as if analyzing a child. She crosses her arms and smacks the gum between her teeth as if she were about to scold him (or insult his livelihood.) Surprisingly she managed to hold her seriousness for several more seconds before launching in for a hug.

"You look atrocious!" Lavinia exclaims, looping her arms around Will's middle, "I missed you!"

She was around a head shorter than Will which meant he got a nose full of hair that smelled of lavender shampoo. They stood there embraced for only a few seconds before pulling away. Will knew Lavinia in a way he knew his neighbor two floors down. They could be considered friends but friendly acquaintance was more accurate. Lavinia Asimov gave tap dancing lessons at the local Muses Dance Center. Will only knew as much beach, it was there she'd broken her leg on three separate occasions. None of those times was directly correlated to dancing. Will didn't know the details but he had healed her on one of those instances. Despite Apollo doing it the other times she seemed to like Will best. After meeting her they'd crossed paths enough to get equated. 

Lavinia and Will both preferred coffee at a small local shop. Not to mention she and Hazel were friends of sorts. Which meant Lavinia was familiar with Nico if only vaguely. 

"What are you doing here?" Will wondered glancing for any visible injuries.

"Would you believe me if I said the kindness of my heart?" She says with the amount of dramatics that came from being around Apollo too long. 

"No."

"No?" She faked being hurt before stating, "I needed extra cash and Apollo needed an assistant."

"What happened to Amy?" Will asked.

"Apollo happened…" that was all the answer Will needed. 

As much as his father had grown as a person he could still be insufferable and needy. Apollo's antics could make one's head spin. The man was constantly being pulled in a million directions and while he could handle 'busy' and 'spontaneous' others couldn't. Not to mention the man himself was impulsive to the extent of being considered a lunatic. That alone was why Apollo went through assistance and agents like crazy. Being a man in many businesses meant he had more than one and in certain areas had whole teams. All of which rotated out like clockwork. People quitting, transferring, and even going as far as disappearing off the face of the earth. 

"Sounds right!" Will say, "What exactly are you assisting? You don't have medical training," 

"Coffee runs mainly," She tells him, "You'd think your father would stop sending me when he realized I never brought him one back."

Will snickers, "He's a slow learner."

"Oh! And I do small mundane tasks, picking up dry cleaning, sorting through mail, making sure he knows his schedule and excitingly enough taking out the trash."

"Thought the janitorial team dealt with the trash?"

"Oh, not that trash, I assist with security!" Lavinia stood proudly. Then with a flourish she flashed something that looked like a hall monitor badge. Will took a moment to look intrigued before indicating she can put it away.

"That's…nice."

Lavinia didn't seem dissoluted from Will's lack of matched enthusiasm. If anything it seemed to increase her own. Perhaps Apollo had been sending her on too many coffee runs. Will kind of wished he'd had that amount of caffeine despite knowing how not good it was for anyone. Lavinia popped her gum as she glanced at her rhinestoned pink wrist watch. 

Then without a word the brown eyed girl twirled in the direction of the elevators. Will noted several hospital occupants eyed her with caution as she strolled by them. Without being prompted Will began following her. Lavinia's shoes tapped in a constant rhythm like a pendulum swing. Each step was placed against the tile deliberately as if she were dancing. From behind Will could tell her short pink hair was freshly dyed (if her stained ears and neck were anything to go by.)

As they walked Will couldn’t help but think that Lavinia didn't seem like the type to be security. The last time they'd spoken he'd discovered she was a bit timid in confrontation. What has changed? Will let his mind ponder on the question for only a second. Quickly deciding he best not know. Look where questioning and wondering had gotten him! It seemed curiosity only encouraged complications. Will was tired of seeking answers and getting them. His luck Lavinia had joined a fight club and what was the first rule about fight club? Or she was a superhero! That seemed to be a likely deduction considering what Will was dealing with. Maybe he should interrogate Cecil and Lou. What was the likelihood that they (like everyone else it seemed) were keeping secret alternate egos!

Will was really tired.

"Apollo is surely peeved right now, he told you an hour and boss man has a tight schedule," Lavinia sings, "Ooh! You wanna stop by the cafeteria? They make the best omelets!" 

"I thought you said we're on a tight schedule?"

"Us? No," She declares, "Your father? yes! And Will that's a Apollo problem!"

"As lovely as it sounds my father is enough to handle as it is," Will sighs, "I'd rather not add to his antics."

Following Lavinia's lead Will took time to note some of the oddities he'd previously overlooked. Firstly there were several nervous looking individuals. Their eyes flicked about seemingly to avoid staring. Will was gonna ask about it before he saw the caution tape blocking off one of the vast halls. Several security guards stood guard. They mostly looked bored waving people away if they got too close.

"What happened over there?" Will wondered.

Lavinia didn't falter in her steps, "Oh, it's kind of the reason you're here, there was an incident sometime late last night can't give much detail besides…it involved the shattering of all the windows in one of the east branch halls."

"Wow…that sucks.." Will said, "How many were hurt?"

"A nurse but it was a few cuts, Apollo healed her quickly," it was spoken with a finality that clearly underlined 'that's it! No more questions.'

However, Will was way too tired to register the whole moving on from it. Besides, he wanted to know why he was here, "Was it a Villain attack?"

Lavinia's eyebrow twitched. She slowed in step slightly, not fully turning her head to Will who'd managed to take up residence beside her opposed to trailing behind, "Yes…but not exactly…Apollo is more suited to explain…he was there."

The last part was whispered and extremely mumbled. So Apollo was in the hall when the windows were shattered? Interesting.

"Is he okay?"

She hummed as they entered one of the elevators, "Yes…though he might tell you otherwise…he's a bit dramatic you know!"

Will nodded in agreement. He watched Lavinia fidget with one of the many rings on her fingers. The doors slid shut unprompted and to Will's surprise Lavinia didn't reach to push the button for the top floor. Apollo's office was basically a hospital's version of a penthouse sweet. It was an open concept with more windows than necessary facing the perfect direction for every sunrise. It was where Will usually met his father. So it was a shock that Lavinia didn't press the thirteenth button at its lone point above the rest. Perhaps it was more surprising she didn't press any button at all. Instead she tugged at her badge that hung from a lanyard around her neck and waved in front of a small scanner.

It made no noise to indicate anything was scanned instead it jerked into motion. The elevator ride was smooth and quick as they went down. Will watched the numbers flash from the main floor to the basement levels. The music inside the small box was something from the Backstreet Boys. It bounced off the closed space rather joyfully for their obvious destination. There was only one reason they'd be going down. However it didn't really hit him until the elevators came to a stop. Immediately the blood seemed to drain from Will's body. He couldn’t seem to fully process it all. 

Will's heart started to flutter and his palms began to sweat. Why was he being led down here? Why did his father need him again? His talents…a second opinion? Apollo couldn’t mean down here! He couldn’t just bring him here! Will wasn’t an Apollo employee. It didn't matter if Will was a doctor! He was still technically a civilian not to mention he didn't even have this amount of clearance at Epidaurus (where he was employed).

"I think you got the wrong floor," Will squeaked. 

He had to try despite knowing it was unlikely. Nobody would have mistakenly brought anyone down here. Proving the idea preposterous Lavinia laughed. Like this was a comedic adventure! As if Will wasn't having a heart attack. Like they were about to step into the cafeteria sharing an inside joke. However, that couldn't be further from the truth. Their destination was nowhere close to over priced salads and they weren't in a movie with Will Farrell. They were entering the Area 51 of hospitals. The place that probably had more confidentiality papers than Nicos work. 

The highly secured (secretive) floor was known mainly as The Hazardous Specimen Care Unit or simply (HSCU). It was the place hospital's used for their dangerous cases. The little Will understood was it was a floor of advanced isolation units. Designed specifically to contain people with the powers of an overly juiced half blood as well as victims to bizarre En gene incidences. 

There was a famous incident Will could recall.  It was of a patient and her victims that were emitted into one of these special wards. The hospital that handled the case was never disclosed though the media managed to report the occurrence. The case involved a young woman whose gift allegedly allowed her to conjure cursed treasures. It has been documented that these riches caused anyone who came in contact with them to die. More specifically a 'cruel horrific fate'. The record had claimed the girl as well as a dozen civilians had been quarantined in the HSCU. Nothing was released about what became of the girl but it was revealed that all civilians had died. No one knew what happened to the bodies but families did come forth saying they'd only been able to identify their deceased by limited photographs. Said families buried empty caskets. The HalfBlood was never charged in face of a court instead the public was given the verdict that she'd been tried under the En Gene Act II. Many assumed she'd been placed into Tartarus. 

The story did nothing to ease Will's worries. Will felt his mouth begin to water as his stomach lurched. The elevator stalled and the compartment lit up a haunting red. He watched as Lavinia used a biometric scanner. She placed two fingers on the screen which immediately lit up green. It was only then he'd noticed the music had stopped. It made everything all the more tense. Will Solace was a doctor, he was good at remaining calm and collected. Usually but not here. He shouldn't be allowed here. They were protocols and he didn't need to know what they entitled, to determine this wasn't it. 

Will wouldn't say he was a stickler for rules (he was human after all.) However, he'd worked hard for this career, it was his calling. Nobody could blame him for taking it seriously in every way. He could get in trouble for this surely. He didn't have the authorization for a place like this! Also he didn't even work here! 

 "Stand still," Lavinia instructed. 

Will immediately went rigid. A large beam of light flashes like a Rollercoaster photo. Before he could blink away the black dots in his vision the doors were sliding open followed by a horn not unlike that of a forklift. Will could also recall how the place he was about to enter was said to be heavily armored with max security. It was the next best place before Tartarus and not unheard of for captured criminals to be held on these hospital floors until they could be properly transported. Will wondered if any Kronos equivalents were currently being held here.

As the sound of the siren tapered off and Will whispered, "Why are we here?" 

Lavinia gave him a strange look, "Why are you whispering?"

"I…I don't know it seemed like the thing to do!"

"Well don't," she says, "and calm down Apollo will explain everything to the best of his abilities."

"That's even less comforting than you think."

Lavinia ignored him, proceeding to march forward like she owned the place. Will reluctantly followed wishing to be anywhere else. It must be serious…or maybe it was just Apollo's try at a practical joke. More likely it was Will's father giving a middle finger to rules and regulations.

"Rules are just suggestions…guidelines…like a coloring book!" Apollo had once explained, "Sure you can color in the lines but remember scribbling outside them doesn't obscure the intended picture."

"Are you encouraging me to break the law?!" Will had cried.

"No of course not that would be bad parenting!" Apollo insisted, "William honey I'm just saying it's okay to live a little! Skip class, miss curfew! It won't stop you from reaching your goals."

"Okay…"

"Just don't tell your mother I said that!"

Will shook the memory away, taking his time to look around. The elevator let off into a long stretch of hallway. Its expansion was only several yards from a set of heavy stainless steel doors. Two security guards stood armed on either side. Lavinia walked towards them without a single falter in her step. Will couldn’t help but shrink back. He felt his entire boy freeze. 

What am I doing? His head screamed, Just turn around…go back up and wait. 

He could demand Apollo speak with him upstairs. It was the safest (most sane) choice. He shouldn't be here. How dare his father request and or allow this! No! He needed more explanation and at least a statement from the law saying this was 'A' okay!

"Will," Lavinia said, pausing in her stride to look back at him, "Let's go."

Will blinked at her and wished for nothing more than to call Nico. His boyfriend would surely say something (reasonable?...comforting) about all this. Maybe he could at least tell Will that this was legal or something.

"I…Lavinia…It doesn’t matter if I'm Apollo's son or a doctor,"  Will hisses, " I shouldn't be here!"

Lavinia turned to face him completely. Her eyes seem to lose some of her previous energy. Her shoulders slumped and she began fiddling with her rings. Her mouth opened but closed quickly. Whatever she originally was gonna say was veto. Will watched as Lavinia seemed to work out an imaginary conversation in her head. She frowned her eyebrows and blinks excessively. It felt like hours before she finally responded.

"No you shouldn't," she declares, "but we're out of options, and Apollo believes you can help."

Will couldn’t help but laugh. He couldn’t stop himself from asking the big question of the day, "What exactly is it that I can do that he can't?"

Lavinia gave him a wistful smile, "I don't know," then she added, "nothing probably…but this may be a joint effort situation. "

"Lavinia…Something doesn't feel right."

"It's all okay Will there's nothing wrong!" Lavinia insists, "Just trust me okay."

Will deflate. He had the sense he should run, the urge to demand answers. However, maybe Lavinia wasn't the person he should be interrogating. It was Apollo who called him here, Lavinia was just doing her job escorting him. Gods was he crazy? Was he really about to continue forward?

Of course he was.

"Can you just tell me one thing?" Will asks. 

"I can't say I can answer but sure, ask," Lavinia prompted.

Will took a breath looking behind Lavinia head ar the two guards. Neither one had moved an inch. They didn't appear to be concerned with either of them which still wasn't comforting. 

"I'm assuming there's a patient…bad shape most likely," Will takes a breath, "If I don't go in…they'll die?"

Lavinia gave him a grave expression, "They'll probably die even if you do."

[unabashedly-faulty]

My brain is running overtime.

They’re bouncing around in the psyche because trauma anniversaries. This one snuck tf up. I’m accepting that it will always come like a wave of energy swirling with thoughts. I won’t be able to tell until I’m able to tell. My face feels heavy. I look stressed. Because my brain is currently triggered into a state of dissociative activity due to the flashbacks I’m experiencing.

At least it feels a bit more like string memories I’m trapped in within my mind instead of outside my head.

I feel the grief bubbling. But I have adult things to do. Like figure out why I’m not getting mail. Go to emdr therapy and then parenting class later today.

I am cranky. I wanted to do my eyebrows so I can “look good feel good” but I don’t even think that will work today. I feel heavy. Which means cortisol. So I’ve got to get it out. The moments I need to cry I cannot. I feel numb. I’ve got to dance the cortisol out my muscles.

Military

Fuck.

It’s the first sets of sexual assaults in there. I’m a bit happy that I am getting non trauma memories in between it though. Parts are showing me and talking with me. In the shower earlier. Now that I’m outside I am overstimulated and it’s only been 30 minutes. If that.

Now Tems is on my speakers and she usually makes me cry just because of the emotion in her songs and I can’t even cry. But I want to.

Say something to help them feel safe. They come around and it’s like waking up.

Message to the sleepers, the trauma parts from this set of anniversaries:

You have woken up again and things are different again. I’m hoping we don’t have to move so soon again. We’ve never lived in one environment for more than one year. That is hard. I’ve tried to make a nice warm home in our body as it’s the only constant in our world. You are safe. You’re no longer in that time period. You’re a part of my psyche, my mind, my soul. You are not a person. You’re a path made to walk during a time that is no more. I love you like a person though because to me you are one. I have loved you long before I knew you. You have protected me long before I knew there were things I needed to be protected from. I thank you. For it all. All of you. (My brain is pressure but still less than last year, feels less like someone is squeezing my brain and more like a sensation of depressive energy, but I also know it is cortisol being released in response to my body’s connection to all that is. It’s fascinating being able to feel my body while also not being a part of it. Seeing it. Hmm am I in it now since my brain fully developed versus in my mind like I only assumed?) Focus. - yes- Ti the parts in the body feeling the weight of the trigger, it’s okay. You’re not in danger. We are not having an episode. This is a yearly occurrence since we got out the military. That was the most stressful time for our brain. We had so many jobs and responsibilities while suffering from the effects of mass trauma on the brain. It was horrible and painful and I’m really sorry you didn’t have anyone. And the people you did have were the worst to you. But you are no longer there. You are here with me. I have made a place for you all. A safe haven and this time no one else is in it to make safe haven a bad thing. It’s just us and our kiddo now. You can do this. You will do this. You have done this. I am proud of you.

It’s going to be okay. No one can touch you anymore. Not without your consent. I will gouge out their eyes. This time I will fight.

Also thank you for showing me why you tried to take our life. I know you thought it a mercy. We did not understand that ghosts weren’t trying to drag us to hell. We were suffering from mental illness. Hallucinations that were TACTILE. (Information is so importanttttt. I was in the shower and she showed me how she was trying to pull my hands and get me out of my barracks room. My younger part. 13 and 7. They were afraid of the symptoms we were experiencing that made us feel like demons were afoot trying to kill us but it was sleep paralysis and a fucked up sleep cycle.)

We don’t like to talk about it. It’s still a bit embarrassing attempting suicide but also not knowing how to do it and it saving our life tbh. I’m glad you guys were clueless on that front. Drowning was a solid plan. Getting drunk and so dehydrated by the hot tub with our muscle condition. Just letting the water cover our face and giving up. I remember the voice that said “not yet” omg it was so hard to drag us out of that hot tub. My body felt so … MYYYYY it was me?? Ok. … my body felt like it weighed tons. I should be able to cry right now but I can’t. Maybe for the best.

[the-green-divine]

Bitch has a mild amount of her shit together, courtesy of writing some self-indulgent Jefferson murder fic in which Rachel survives. I am still bananas over Life is Strange: Before the Storm. It might be my new favorite game in the series (previously True Colors, which is also good, go play it.)

So what about it made me bananas? Overall, the way the game shows Chloe’s day to day life in a way Life is Strange (1) didn’t. LiS1 has absurdly high stakes, a moral conundrum (sort of), serial killers, missing girls, asshole adults, oh my! You get a fair few normal moments between Chloe and Max, which typically end in Max rescuing Chloe from dying through her rewind.

We also don’t really know how Chloe got to where she is in the first game, or what she used to be like. We get hints, and Chloe’s core character is definitely someone who loves fiercely but has been hurt so much and so badly that she’s had to withdraw almost completely to survive. Before the Storm (BtS) shows us Chloe, and gives a path for why she is in such a bad place in LiS1.

I thought I might do this by episode, but I really can’t. I gotta take it by character, so let’s get the worst out of the way first: David and Joyce. Fuck I hate them both. David is an abusive piece of shit who manipulates Joyce and Chloe both. When Chloe offers up something about herself, he makes it about him, his trauma and grief, and demands she respect it when he has made it clear he has no respect for her. If she refuses, he immediately turns violent. Fuck David

And Joyce. The enabler to David’s abuse, because Chloe’s such a problem child. At the end of episode one, I saw “You were mean to Joyce” as a decision point and laughed. I wasn’t mean to Joyce, I picked the honest option. To Joyce in BtS, anything that doesn’t support her completely, and her delusion of a happy family is mean and petty. She “both sides” every argument between Chloe and David, and when Chloe tries to tell her how she feels, Joyce shuts her out. Chloe spends several days after getting suspended not at home, and Joyce never asks where she was. She doesn’t want her daughter. She sure as hell doesn’t deserve her.

Moving on: Rachel. I liked Rachel a lot. Mostly I knew her from LiS1 and fics, many of which paint her as a manipulator, some as an outright villain. I didn’t see it. I saw a teen whose smart but easily bored, and has the usual amount of teen stupidity (no offense to any teens who see this, you don’t necessarily get less dumb as you age, you find new ways to be stupid.) She fucks up, but she’s also going through probably the worst week of her life during BtS (so far.) She’s impulsive and (I believe) too prone to lying as the easy way out, but she’s also got James Amber for a dad.

Jimbo is where this game gets confused. They clearly show he IS a liar and a manipulator, but seem to try to walk it back sometimes? I’m certain he’s gaslit both Rose and Sera into believing he (and only he) knows what’s best for Rachel, and did such a great job on Sera she is nearly killed and still tries to defend him as a good father for Rachel. Ma’am. No. (I’m actually headcanoning that Sera did die from the overdose, and Chloe talks to her ghost - seriously, just a short while before she spoke to ghost William, and her journal makes it clear that she’s no longer easily able to differentiate between dreams and waking.) He sucks, but he could have been a much stronger villain.

Really, that’s my thing with all the LiS games: they could be much stronger if they dropped the high stakes sudden conspiracy twist, and stuck to their themes. BtS is about the powerlessness of being a teenager, surrounded by adults you can’t trust because they have shown, repeatedly, they don’t care about you as a person. It’s about the light at the end of the tunnel, if you’re living in an abusive home, as Chloe and Rachel both are. The hope and sweetness of youth, and the way the world shifts underfoot as you become an adult. Where you’re no longer sure of what you once knew.

That’s how I see Chloe. Someone so strong, and brave, and smart, shut down by a world that is increasingly hostile the more she speaks her mind. Despite not really liking the scene with Damon in the junkyard, my mind went to the scene on the beach in LiS 1 where Frank threatens Max. I’m sure she was thinking of how she froze up and it nearly got Rachel killed. BtS enriches Chloe immensely as a character, and shows us Rachel, who before we only knew from others’ memories, idealized or not.

There’s a lot not to like, and some disturbingly out of character scenes, Victoria’s drugging chief among them. But fuck canon, every writer loses their shit sometimes. That’s what fic is for. I’m really glad I played BtS.

i finished my first before the storm playthrough and bring you this live reaction:

AAAaaaAaRrrGggGHhhH

more to follow as bitch gets her shit together