#the words are familiar but he cant place them until he falls asleep next and sees gwaine lounging in his bed shirtless

[justaz]

merlin finding gwaine and asking why he would jump into the fight and help him and gwaine going “your chances looked between slim and none. i guess i just kind of like the look of those odds” and merlin sees right through him. he’s a man alone of the road traveling wherever the wind takes him and dancing with death, daring her to reap his soul.

merlin after arthur dies doing the same. he cant return to camelot where every room, every stone, every speck of dirt is a reminder of arthur. wandering the land and jumping into fights and barely putting in effort, letting his opponents nail hits that bring him to his knees, that knock the breath from his lungs, some even hard enough to stop his heart. merlin dancing with death, daring her to reap his soul. he helps out a group from a fight they were going to lose and they ask why merlin would help them and his response is instantaneous

“your chances looked between slim and none. i guess i kind of like the look of those odds.”

[dr4cking]

I could request a smut with draco post war, where he and his wife (reader) have tried to have sex but their young children always interrupt them in some way, so they give it to cissy to take care of so they can have privacy. Thank you and only if you feel comfortable writing this request😊😊

Interruption.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : hi! thank you for requesting! this one is a really cute idea 😂💞

draco twisted the doorknob entering the house with his sleeping 5 year old son on his hips, the familiar scent tickling his nose as he step into their house, a smile crept up to his face as he sees the mother of his kid busying herself in the kitchen.

“hi dray, he’s asleep?” y/n whispers, walking to her husband, examining their son and she smiles as she sees her son sleeping peacefully resting his head on his father’s shoulder.

“he is, love. i think he got exhausted after playing all day in the park, lemme put this little guy on his bed first okay?” draco said as he kisses her forehead before heading into his son’s bedroom.

draco put scorpius carefully on his bed, pulling the cover up to his small body, he chuckles internally as he watched that scorpius is a spitting image of him. he left a kiss on his forehead as he closed the door quietly then head downstairs going back to his wife.

“hey, how’s your day? i miss you so much, love” draco put his hand around y/n’s waist startling her, he buried his face onto the crook of her neck inhaling his favorite scent making her giggles.

“i miss you too, dray. its been lovely, how about you hmm? did you have fun with our little guy?” y/n said not turning back as she still chopping the carrots.

“we did but he kinda took out all of my energy, you know what that means, right?” draco smirked as he pressed her back closer to his chest, his hands started to groping around her body.

“d-draco scorpius is s-sleeping” y/n said between her moans as her husband pressed her ass against his crotch and rubbing it behind her, she gripped the knife harder.

“then we’ll have to be quiet” he turns her around pushing her back against the table carefully, quickly catching her lips on his, kissing his wife hungrily moaning instantly into the kiss. she broke the kiss to catch some breath.

“f-fuck y/n” draco let out a whispered moan into her ear as he starts grinding his boner on her core, y/n throw her head back in pleasure feeling butterflies errupted in her stomach as he starts to trailing kisses down on her neck and still grinding on her.

“god its been so long since the last time, baby. i cant believe we managed to last that long” y/n chuckles at his words but turns into a hitched moan as draco pulled down the straps of her dress and latching his lips onto her nipple sucking on it, she interlocked her hand with his hair.

“no bra, yeah? as if you know you were gonna get fucked” y/n bites down her bottom lip, her eyes never leaving her husband who started to go down kissing her stomach, she gets more excited as he lifts up the bottom of her dress and kissing her inner thighs.

“d-draco please-” y/n hooked one of her leg onto his shoulder as he pushes her panties aside, he was about to gives all her craving but-

“mommy, daddy!” both of them froze as they heard a small footsteps approaching them, they quickly redressing themselves and act normal as their son run to y/n, hugging her leg.

“whats wrong baby?” y/n asked worriedly as she gets down on his level, patting his head.

“i’m having a nightmare mommy” she places soft kisses to all over his face to calm him down then she looks at draco who still held the frustation on his face, she wanted to laugh but she remember that her baby needs her right now.

“c’mon daddy lets put scorpius back in his room” y/n teasingly said running her fingers on his cheek, draco clenched his jaw gritting his teeth as he realizes what his wife playing at.

“you’re gonna regret that, babygirl” draco whispers into her ear as she walking the three of them to scorpius’s bedroom, he walked behind her and squeezing her ass, he smirks when he heard her gasped.

after an hour of reading scorpius a book, telling him a story, he finally gets back into his sleep but y/n and draco are too tired to continuing what they were about to do in the kitchen.

y/n look up to her husband who already staring at her, her mouth agape as she watches draco mouthed “i’m still horny” to her. holding out her laughter she shook her head.

“not now draco, we almost get caught by our son” y/n said quietly cant help but chuckles lowly when she sees draco whining and rubbing his face in frustration.

>>>>>

the next day comes, draco was sitting on his chair working through something, a quill on his hand and a parchment in front of him. then he heard rustling behind him, he turns around to find his beloved wife, only in a towel.

y/n gives him a wink and motioning him to come over making draco gulped, he made his way to her as fast as possible then pulling her closer by her waist, his lips immediately founding hers, his hand goes to unwrap the towel and it falls down onto the floor.

draco let out a grunts as he sees y/n’s exposed body he was getting hard by the seconds, he grabbed her by her thighs and placed her on his desk. his hands roaming around her body.

y/n moans softly when she feels draco sucking on her nipple, his hand playing with the other and his free hand rubbing her clit collecting the wetness, he brought his fingers into his mouth sucking it hungrily making y/n whimpers at his action. draco was about to pulls down his sweatpants until he heard a soft knocks on the door, he groaned in frustration.

“mommy, daddy? i’m so bored, can we go get an ice cream?” scorpius yelled behind the door making draco frustrated more.

y/n melted at her son’s voice, quickly getting a piece of clothes and putting it on, draco look at her in disbelief.

“are you serious, y/n?” draco loves his son so much but he always had a bad timing.

“draco he wants to get an ice cream, i cant say no to him, later okay? now c’mon” y/n chuckles at his pouted face, she kisses the tip of his nose and leading him with her to approaching their child.

after hours taking a walk and getting an ice cream per their son’s wishes, they go back to the house.

draco took a seat on the couch in their living room reading daily prophet while his wife and his kid starts to playing together in front of him, enjoying their day off but suddenly an owl barging into the house making the three of them turning their heads at it. draco raised his eyebrows in confusion as he takes the letter from the owl.

y/n rose up from the floor wanting to see who was sending them a letter, scorpius still unbothered playing with his toys.

“oh its from mother” draco said as he opened the enveloped.

Dear Draco & Y/n,

How are you? I havent heard anything about the three of you, I sent this letter to tell you both that Lucius & I missed our grandchild so much, I was hoping that he could stay for a little bit in the Manor, we wanted to spend some time with him. I wish you all healthiness as always.

Narcissa.

“perfect.” draco smirked as he finishes reading his mothers’ letter looking up to his wife with a sly grin making her blush.

“scorp?” he called out his son smiling at him as scorpius turning his head to listen to his father.

“do you want to stay with your grandmother and grandfather? they said they missed you and will be happy if you’re staying with them for awhile.”

“really? of course yes dad!! i missed them so much, mommy please pack my stuff” scorpius shouted happily, jumping around with his toy in his hand making his parents laugh at their boy’s cuteness.

in the evening, draco, y/n and scorpius apparated to the Malfoy Manor. lucius and narcissa already waiting at the front door welcoming the little family happily. scorpius runs to his grandmother and she picked him up kissing his cheeks.

“draco, y/n aren’t you staying too?” lucius asked as he watched the couple didnt go inside with them.

“uh father actually we were kinda busy- the work is stuffing up our faces.. but thank you for willing to take care of scorpius” draco nervously said as lucius looked at them in confusion but after connecting the dots together, he nods giving his son a smirk.

“sure sure, have fun you two” y/n widen her eyes but quickly laughed it off, the pair blushing madly because of draco’s father words but draco hurriedly takes her hand in his and apparating back to their house saving them from embarrassment.

as they appeared back in their house draco opened the door and shoving his wife inside kicking the door behind them as he pushed y/n against it.

“woah woah slow down draco” y/n laughs at her husband aggressiveness but interrupted by his lips capturing hers, she returns the kiss with the same passion, moans slipped off of her as draco undressing both of them.

“fuck- i cant take it anymore baby wanna take you right here right now” draco places wet kisses on her neck, marking every inch of her skin. he slowly get down after he finished assaulting her neck, continuing what he was doing yesterday, but now without any interruptions.

“draco.. oh- fuck” y/n couldnt control her moans anymore as draco drowned his head between her thighs eating her out making his wife squirming and scratching on the door.

draco let out a hum at the taste of her, he was hungry he eats her out like a starved men, its not only for her but for his pleasure too. y/n’s moan ringing in his ear filling the house making he gets more hungrier, he inserts his fingers into her thrusting and curling them inside of her making her body shake, his tongue skillfully playing with her clit.

“oh my god draco.. i-im so close!” y/n warned him, she was closer than she thought, after she said that she felt her orgasm snapped through her body, a loud moan of her husband’s name escaped her lips, it feels too good.

“fuck i missed this, babygirl. taste so fucking delicious.” draco hummed as he lapping up her juices closing his eyes at the taste, he was longing for it.

draco stand up after he finished, looking at y/n who was still catching her breath, he chuckles deeply before reconnecting their lips, shoving his tongue down her throat letting her taste herself, he squeezes her ass giving it a few slaps before placing one of her legs on his waist and he starts to lining his cock on her glistening cunt. whimpers and begging came out from her mouth.

“h-holyfuck y/n feels so good” draco groans as he bottomed fully inside her letting her adjust for a second before picking up his pace, he starts to rocked in and out of her, her walls clenching and squeezing hard around him making it impossible for him to last longer.

y/n’s body bouncing up and down uncontrollably against the door, all she cares now was getting her high again and feeling her husband’s cum filling her up. she rolled her hips fucking him back, loud moan left her lips as the head of his brushing her spot, draco took a notice and pounding harder into thek spot making her seeing the stars.

“fuck fuck fuck y/n im gonna fucking come if you keep doing that.” draco wrapped both of her legs on his waist the new angle making his cock going deeper inside her, he screams her name as y/n starts to pulsing around him signaling she was close, he sneaked one of his hand and rubbed a small circle on her clit making her body jolted out at the double pleasure.

“yes- yes.. oh my god im cumming daddy!” y/n doesnt care about her words anymore as she lets her second orgasms washed over her- wait no she’s.. she just squirted all over draco.

“holy shit! that was so fucking hot.. gonna give you all of my cum until you carry my second child.. f-fuck y/n take all of me!” draco screams her name out loud as he stilled, shooting all of his semen into his wife filling her womb non stop until some of it dripped out of her but he quickly pushing it back inside not letting it go to waste.

draco is still inside her, both of their bodies shaking from their intense orgasms. y/n look up to him, sweats running on his forehead, his blonde hair messy, mouth hung open to steadying his breath, he looks like a god.

they continue their activities for a whole days, now without interruptions. rounds after rounds, on the couch, on the desk, against the walls, in their room, in the bathroom, basically everywhere in their house, it was like they were making up for the lost times.

and a month after, lucius and narcissa were given a news, that draco and y/n are expecting their second child.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging : @dracoscum

(if you want to be tagged in my fics please click here )

[oddaodd]

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

·

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy” she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

[lovelybarnes]

baby blue- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, tony stark bruce banner, steve rogers, sam wilson warnings: child bucky, language, this is long. why is this so long about: requested by @cherry-season (apparently can't tag you)! bucky turns into a baby/toddler and is clingy a/n: okay so i know virtually nothing about three-year-olds. can you tell? thank you so much for requesting!! I had so much fun writing this <333

[@tylard-blog1]

bucky’s day wasn’t particularly fantastic to begin with.

he was already exhausted when he woke up in the early lights of the morning, his nightmares had kept him up all night-- which you theorized was due to the mission the day before that took place in one of the same hydra bases bucky had been held in. you had frowned when you realized it the day of, turning your attention to bucky and making sure he was okay with it because if he wasn’t, you would make sure someone else took care of it. he had insisted it was fine, even though the next night proved him wrong. you had done what you could, running your fingers through his hair and humming lightly until you fell asleep and he refused to wake you up, resigning himself to a sleepless night.

his morning started with his flesh arm reaching out to feel your side of the bed, hoping to find your soft, warm skin to pull you closer, but instead being met with the unkind sheets that missed the gentleness of your body. he had frowned when he realized you had already left for a meeting with some important hotshot in space with carol (you couldn’t find a better excuse to go get breakfast at your favorite alien restaurant with your favorite aliens) and wouldn’t be back for a solid few hours too long. groaning, and with no real reason to stay in bed for any longer without the excuse of getting to feel you for a few more hours, he dragged himself out of bed.

it didn’t get much better from there, because he was greeted with the sight of sam eating the last bowl of the last box of cereal in the whole damn tower because everyone rejected to go grocery shopping. since bucky refused to eat any of the frozen breakfasts tony loved so much and the stark kid swore were “the best thing ever,” he grunted at sam and walked away without eating, knowing he’d regret it later when his stomach would growl and you would immediately know he skipped breakfast.

for some unknown reason, tony had found out about bucky’s lack of things to do, and with a few winks and manipulative large-worded engineering phrases, convinced him to join him in the lab, which bucky had only really been able to see through the clear glass that separated the lab from the rest of the tower, and from the occasions where he would take food and drinks to you while you locked yourself away inside, building something alongside tony.

being inside, so close to the various machines and objects bucky cant begin to figure out the purpose of, his memories of being in school and at the top of his math and engineering classes bubble to the surface, filling him with the pride he remembers having every day at school. the thought that he could probably understand everything if you or tony explained it to him passes through his mind and urges him to ask tony to do just that, but tony beats him before he can get the chance.

bruce is eyeing them wearily from the other side of the lab, attention mostly on the test tubes in front of him. he gives bucky a smile when he comes in, but seems to ignore him for the most part until tony shows bucky to bruce’s work station, pointing out a blue liquid in a test tube marked TESTING. bruce’s neck snaps to them when tony open his big mouth, “you know, y/n was actually supposed to test something out for me today,” tony begins innocently, a suggestion laced in his words that bucky catches but decides to ignore because of the high he feels from understanding the equations scribbled on the clear glass, “do you know where she is?”

bucky narrows his eyes at him, then looks up at the clock, realizing it’s still a while before you get back, “not even on earth,” he recipes blandly, slyly sneaking a glance at the liquid for any indications of what it could be.

tony sighs dramatically, his shoulders sagging, “oh no, how do i test this now?” bruce shoots tony a warning glance that is blatantly ignored.

bucky’s shrugging before he can help it, the reminder that since you were going to do it, what could be the harm if he did? “i could do it.”

tony claps, “great!” he gestures to a door behind him, “please go in there to sign non-disclosure agreements and wash your hands.”

bucky’s shoved inside before he can fully understand the implications of his stupid offer.

-

the thought of asking the basic questions he should have asked before he agreed to test an unidentified liquid comes to bucky nearly an hour later, when the small vial of weird blue liquid sits in front of him, waiting to be drunk. tony and bruce sit in chairs a couple of feet away, clipboards in both of their hands, and interested expressions settled on their features.

“what does this do again?” he asks, squinting at the vial that he doesn’t notice tony isn’t looking at, furrowing his eyebrows when tony waves him off, “something super smart. no side effects or anything.” bucky’s eyes flit down to the little vial again, before they nearly bug out of his head at the humongous laser that is rolled into the room, “what the hell is that.”

“ah,” tony grins, bouncing from his seat to stand next to his invention proudly, “this is what you’re testing out.” bucky cocks his head at the man, “i thought i was drinking blue water. y/n was going to drink blue water.” tony shakes his head, adjusting some dials on the machine, “yeah, no, it was this. pretty sure i told you.”

“you didn’t-” bruce is looking at tony in concern, about to tell him to slow down so bucky has a chance to think all this through again and maybe ask if there is any chance the laser will melt him, when tony clicks a large red button and a bright white light clouds bucky’s vision just as he sees the clock on the exact same time he saw an hour ago, realizing the clock in the billion-dollar lab is broken, and you’re probably getting home any second.

“tony!” he hears bruce yell before his vision goes dark.

it’s only a second until he can pry open his eyes again, a hand curling into a fist, ready to pound stark into tomorrow when he can suddenly feel the nails of his hand digging into his palm. the surprising feeling of it where his vibranium arm should be forces him to look down at a small arm, fully skin and thin. he looks around, noticing his surroundings suddenly have grown very large around him, and the sound of his voice is higher when he tries to speak again.

“what the f-” he mumbles, cutting himself off when a sudden memory of his ma yelling at him to wash his mouth out if he wants to talk like that floods his mind, and he stares down at himself, eyebrows furrowing when he spots his short stature and the tiny hands and feet that look up at him. realization floods him like a wave, raising his chin at the two, tall, gobsmacked men in front of. “was that supposed to happen?” bruce asks quietly, nodding slowly when tony shakes his head, “no.”

there’s a light knock at the door, your hand pushing it open before anyone can stop you, and your tired face peeks in, a glowing smiling adorning your face and your eyes searching for your boyfriend, “hey, do you guys know where bucky is-” your voice cuts through the stunned silence, pausing when you catch the little boy’s eye. at first, you stare at him, your eyebrows pulling together as you get a good look at the familiar cerulean of his eyes and scan the clothing you’d seen on bucky before. for a second, everything is silent, bucky’s eyes are wide and staring as yours bore into them, searching for something you’re nearly touching until you gasp, “bucky?” you choke, reaching for him when he nods, his legs already trying to reach you as fast as they possibly can but they buckle. bucky realizes just then how old he must be now. “oh, baby,” you murmur, gathering him up in your arms before he can fall to the hard ground of the lab. “what the hell did you idiots do to my boyfriend?” you demand, turning to the two scientists who are going over tony’s notes.

bruce glances at tony, tilting his head at him as if to say him. you roll your eyes, not having any more information than when you asked, “tony?” you growl, walking over to the man, not missing the way little bucky’s hand grabs onto your shirt.

“it didn’t- that wasn’t supposed to happen,” tony defends weakly, a lazy shrug pulling at his shoulders. your eyes flash with velvet red, and, without moving a finger, tony’s pulled in front of you, wrapped in red swirls bucky can’t help but gawk at.

“fix it.” you order. tony nods, pursing his lips, “we’ll do that.” bruce looks a little taken aback, looking up from tony’s scribbles and equations. “i don’t think it’ll last more than a day,” he offers helpfully, “whatever it was tony was trying to do wasn’t either.”

bucky’s eyes start to droop, which he assumes is an effect of the sleepless night he just had on his infant body, something that usually wouldn’t affect him in his one-hundred-and-six-year-old self. he hums when he realizes the irony, leaning his head against the welcoming crook of your neck and catching your attention. you turn to him for a moment, softening a little before turning back to tony and glaring at him, “fix it.”

-

steve catches you when you walk out of the lab, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he spots the toddler in your arms, “holy shit, that looks exactly like bucky,” he breathes, scanning the dark mussed-up hair and stepping back when bucky opens his eyes. from next to him, sam looks from bucky to you, “did you two have a kid and not tell anyone, because this-”

“is bucky. that’s bucky.” you interrupt, looking at the toddler, “tony messed up with something and… this happened, i don’t completely… bucky’s a baby.��

steve raises an eyebrow, squinting at his best friend, “ha,” he laughs, “wow, he looks exactly like his pictures. he must be about three years old.” bucky blinks at him. “his ma said he was chatting up a storm at that age, though,” steve informs, looking back up at you. sam grins, “has he said anything? i kinda want to hear if he still sounds old.” bucky frowns at him, his pout deepening when sam bursts into laughter, “his grumpy face is the same!”

you look at your boyfriend, tilting your head and smiling a little when you realize he’s right, “you’re cute,” you coo now that you get a good look at him, “you’re so cute,” you murmur, poking his nose with your finger. bucky can’t help the blush that comes to his cheeks. but he slaps away sam’s fingers, scowling at him, “no.” he argues, “no.”

sam frowns, “no old man voice.”

“i hate you,” bucky says to sam, and you laugh, “i think we should leave for now. i need to figure out what will make three-year-old bucky not as grumpy.” sam looks at bucky’s furrowed brows and the same two little lines between them, his eyes flickering back up to yours, “i think that may just be a bucky thing.”

-

you bring bucky to the living room, sitting him down at the edge of the couch and crouching in front of him, watching him and his little crossed arms, bottom lip jutted out against his own will. bucky isn’t used to the emotional control of a child who’s three and can’t control the frustration that’s coursing through him at the moment. the only thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t want you to leave him again.

“bucky?” you start, looking deep into the wide blue eyes that let you know it is bucky you’re speaking to. “what do you want to do? are you hungry? d’you want to sleep?” bucky shakes his head stubbornly at you, “i want tony to fix this.”

you sigh, “i know, baby. i do too, but until he finds a cure to this, you’re gonna stay small for a couple more hours.” he pouts at that, and you smooth your thumb over his cheek, “no pouting. we can do whatever you want, buck.”

just as he’s about to reject any idea you have, his stomach rumbles loudly, directing your attention to the arms that guiltily cover up his middle. “bucky... did you eat breakfast today?” you query, a lecturing tone sneaking into your words. “sam ate my cereal,” bucky grumbles, crossing his arms.

“bucky!” you exclaim, standing up to turn to the kitchen, “that’s no excuse. i told you you needed to eat--” you’re barely three steps into the kitchen when you hear the pattering of his feet towards you, grubby hands pawing at your legs.

“don’t leave,” he whines, hugging your ankles and sitting down on the floor, “you left all morning,” he mumbles, smushing his cheeks against your calf.

“i’m sorry,” you apologize, bending over to brush away the hair that falls over his eyes. “c’mere,” you murmur, reaching down to pick him up again and bounce him on your hip while you head to the kitchen. “what do you want to eat?” bucky thinks about it for a minute, before smiling, “i want pizza and ice cream.” you frown at him, “i don’t think three-year-olds can eat that. actually, i don’t think anyone should.”

after consulting google on what three-year-olds should eat, you have bucky’s head resting on your shoulder, refusing to let you put him down even as you made him the mac and cheese he had agreed to, still a little upset over the fact you wouldn’t let him eat all the other things he wanted. the only time he let you not carry him was when he was eating, still insisting you sit right next to him to watch as he smeared cheese all over tony’s expensive table.

“okay,” you whisper breathlessly after watching him eat his third bowl of the meal, “i think that’s good.” you shove the dirty dishes in the sink, washing bucky’s hands and wiping at him cheeks with a warm cloth to get the mess he managed to create off. “did you forget how to eat?” you wonder aloud when you finally fnish cleaning him up, watching his small shoulders shrug.

“what do you want to do now? anything you want,” you propose.

“i want you,” he says, reaching his stubby arms out, “cuddles. ‘m sleepy,” he yawns, making grabby hands at you when you take too long to pick him up. “bucky,” you chuckle, complying with him and bringing him into your chest, where he leans his head on your shoulder. “you sure you don’t want to play or something? you don’t want to…” you trail off, trying to think of what three-year-olds do, “walk or read or something?”

bucky grunts in your ear, his eyelids already closing again, “cuddles,” he repeats, balling your shirt up in his little hands.

“okay,” you sigh, bouncing him gently while you walk to your shared bedroom. you pick up a stuffed animal you brought for bucky from one of your most recent missions, “did you sleep last night? is that why you’re so tired?” bucky hums, cuddling further into your chest when you lay down with him on top of you. you hand him the little dog plush, pressing a kiss to his head when he takes the gift, hugging it with you. “honey, i’m sorry,” you frown, gently threading your fingers through his short hair, humming the same song bucky sings to you when you can’t get to sleep. it doesn’t take long to lull him into the calmness of rest.

you only wake up when the weight on you is suddenly multiplied, completely taking your breath away, “bucky!-” you exclaim, rolling from underneath him to meet his closed eyes. you shake your head with a light laugh, drawing a strand of hair behind his ear before you press your lips to his cheeks, snuggling in with him again, “sweet dreams, darling,” you murmur, placing the stuffed animal he dropped on your dresser.

[midday0nightmares]

32 - forever lost (m).

Previous chapter a week later (m).

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

You were stirred awake by jaemin’s hands that roamed up your body, his hot breathes hitting the side of your face.

your mind registering that he must have uncuffed one of your hands whilst you were asleep, His lips letter gentle kisses to the side of your face as you eyes flutter open, “I’ll be back in a while” he whispers into your ear as not disturb you much, “go back to sleep baby” he buries his face in the crock of your neck, filling his chest with your scent, butterflies burst in your stomach at the sweet gesture..“mmh kay” you purr with content and joy. 

And just like he was a fleeting dream, he withdraws form you and disappears letting you drown back into slumber.

.... The door was shut, it won’t open, it was cemented on every side expat for the small slit under it, you try knocking, shout for someone, anyone, but to no avail.

you try the window, it opens, but the sight is even scarier. The city is quiet, too quiet. No traffic in its usually busy streets, every window in the near buildings were closed, no birds in the sky, not a single sign of life, even the sun seems to be stuck in its place, time isn’t moving.

Outside the closed door, you can hear muffled sounds, you peak under the door and see the familiar white socks on a pair of feet moving around the room. you shout and scream for him, but he doesn’t even flinch, he just keeps going through his day. 

You were forgotten, forever lost in his room ....

Your body jerks awake, the sun glares at you through the open window, you cant feel your left hand as it’s still cuffed to the bed, you sit up to wave the sleepiness, you look around trying to get a grip on reality.

Too grumpy and too sweaty to look for the key, you call for jaemin but no response, he must haven’t returned yet, Where the hell is he? Its noon. 

You look under the pillows and over the bedside table, you look through the drawers but you can’t find it, You opt to ask jeno for help

“Jeno~” you call him but he doesn’t responds too, you know he’s home because the TV was on, you knock on the wall until the door opens with him standing with disingenuous smile. 

“Yes?”,

you can tell by his tone that his tolerance of you is already thin.

“I need to pee” 

you pout, but he doesn’t even pat a lash.

“so pee”,

 he deadpans tells you to pee your pants.

“Come on don’t be like that, help meee” 

you whine, but he doesn’t budge.

“I’m not getting involved between you two”,

he turns around and walks away..

“no no wait at least get me water, jeno!”,

but to your frustration your words fall deff to his ears. You huff and throw yourself back into the sheets muttering curses.

With nothing to do, you drift back to sleep..

The slammed door wakes you up, it’s dark outside and jaemin is finally back,

“Hey..you’er back”, you mumble happily, ready to be free again.

He flicks the lights on causing you to squint in attempt  to adjust your vision, He dosn’t spar you a look and goes to the closet, he opens its door and takes out a bag and starts throwing in a random selection of clothes. 

 You still groggy with sleeplessness, you rub your eyes and sit up, “Jaemin, baby what are you doing?”,

he wipes his nose with his sleeve and you realize he was crying.

“We are leaving”, 

he tells you with a tight jaw.

With too many questions crowding your mind you ask him “Leaving.. where? Why what happed?”,

He turns to face you, and you see his puffy eyes still had tears in them. 

He keels next to the bed and opens the safe.. 

His strange behavior alarming you even more, 

“jaemin, what going on?”, fully awake now, you demand an explanation.. and before he can gives you an answer a loud knock on the apartment door freezes him in his place.

“Police! Open the door!” The loud man’s voice echoing through the quiet apartment. Jaemin’s face goes pale like he has seen a ghost, he snaps out of his shock and returns to what he was doing, taking his gun out.. 

“jaemin please”, 

 you beg him, you are certain that whatever is happening is not good, the knocks get louder and more urgent.

He fumbles with the key and frees your other hand, 

“get up!” he pulls you off the bed with one hand while the other holds the gun, you keep begging him, trying to sooth him, but his tears fall faster as he shouts at you to get up, you can feel the desperation radiates off of him. 

Jeno comes running to the door, he opens it and you hear the sound of what sounded like a hundred foot stepping inside the apartment, jaemin runs and locks his door, a dreadful feeling filled you.

You know that this is a serious situation, the police knock on his door but he doesn’t responses, he keeps his back pushed against the door, and it downed on you.. you were locked in a room with a man who have a gun, fear ran through you.

You wanted to say something to soothe the intense situation but you couldn’t find the words.

jaemin opened his eyes and looked at you like an idea have flashed in his mind, your heat was thumbing loud in your ears, he walks towards you. “Jaemin” your eyes fill with tears and you cry without a reason but utter fear, your body moves by itself and you take a step back until your knees were met by the edge of the bed, you keens buckle when he comes closer.. 

you could barely hear the knocks on the door and the men who were trying to coax him out.. they all seemed too far away. 

His tall body looms over you, his eyes had no tears in them, no love, no warmth. 

Everything seems to disappear and time seemed to have stopped for a second, you break in violent shakes.. 

You can see the storm of thoughts behind his eyes, grief tugs at his lips as they twitch when he comes to his decision..

“no jaemin..” You hardly get the words out, he looks at his gun and shakes his head to himself, a sad, ironic laugh escapes his chest “just when I was happy…” his shoulder shakes, his laughter sounds painful, like it was being ripped out of his lunges.

His arm wipe the tears from his eyes and he looks at you, he’s back into his head again. 

heated emotions rises up to the surface again, anger, fear, spiraling out of control as fresh tears burst out of his eyes. His hand comes to rest on the back of your neck and he pulls you into him, he rest his head on top of yours, his hand affectionately smoothes your hair, he sways both of you while shushing your cries “its going to be alright”, you stay like this for a minute and oddly it brought you peace.

He kisses the top of your head and pulls back, your hands grip his sides to bring him back to you, he stands over you, “I’m sorry.. ” chocks on his words “I’m taking you with me”..

“No jaemin we still can fix this” you desperately try to stop him, to get him to think again but all hope dies when he points the gun at you. 

You heart sinks at click of the safety switch on the gun, his hand dangerously shaking, he sobs and wipes his eyes and blinks to clear his vision. 

“Jaemin..” 

Everything has stopped at that moment, too shocked and heartbroken to speak, the disbelieve dissipate quickly and its replaced by great sense of disappointment by your short life, sorrow to everything you haven’t had the chance to do yet, how could it all end this quick? like this?.

“Please don’t..” You beg him even you know it won’t help you now.. 

“Close your eyes my love” he asks you.

You close your eyes, letting go, peace rushing through your veins, you see the sequenced events of your short life flash, all the memories, all the regrets, all the mistakes. 

“I will be right there with you” he tells you.

The violent hit pierced through your head, burning its way to the other side, your can hear your skull shattering, you lose your senses quickly as you fade away, the celling of his room disappears as you slip out of life.

Outside the door, jeno hears the gun fires and he knows he has just lost one of you, the ground disappears from under him as he collapse to the floor.

The police breaks the door, but another gun shot breaks as jaemin takes his own life.

What have started as a simple arrest, ended with a murder-sucide. 

A new break in the case of jaemin’s mother suspicious death was made, a new piece of evidence was found proving that the only suspect they had was in fact her killer, it was non other than her son na jaemin. 

[andromedia5]

dick and kory slow dancing? or maybe under the stars? or maybe fixing a wound?

I CANT CHOOSE

I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AND I WANT TO DO THE OTHER TWO AND I’LL ADD THEM LATER BUT IF THIS SUCKS I APOLOGIZE I WROTE IT AT LIKE ONE AM AFTER A KINDA SHITTY NIGHTMARE

fixing a wound

“I'm sorry,” he offers lamely from his place on the kitchen counter. Kory scoffs and the next stitch pinches just a little bit more than the last. He probably deserves that. Maybe it’s that being a cop is honestly one of the lower risk things he does but Dick thinks it scares her more when he gets hurt as Officer Grayson than as Nightwing. She tied off the knot and turned to get a bandage. Her hair is pulled up in a mass of thick flaming curls and he can see the smooth, dark skin of her neck. Her shoulders are tense and guilt hits him like a freight train. “Kor, babe . . . c’mon, can you just talk to me?”

Kory slams her hands down on the table so hard the contents of their first aid kit jumps and she spins back around to face him “Why would you not tell anyone you got shot? What about coming all the way back from the precinct with a bullet in your arm sounded reasonable to you?”

“The bullet was never in my arm, it just grazed it.”

“They could have treated you, the medic is barely twenty feet from the bullpen.”

“The department nurses aren’t as cute when they’re worried,”

Her lips quirk upward into what's almost a smile before she presses her lips back together. “Flattery will get you nowhere,”

“Nowhere?”

“Not an inch,”

“Not even an inch?” he teases, tugging her towards him by the belt loops on her jeans. Kory lets her arms fall around his neck, fingers carding through the curls of his hair as she looks at him appraisingly. This was about as close to forgiveness he was going to get at the moment and, satisfied that she probably won’t hit him, he drops his face in the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around her. Kory always exuded warmth, and he felt goosebumps trail up his bare arms and chest as he breathed in her familiar scent of coconut oil, and honey and sweatshirt clad teenagers exploring the chilly beaches of Titans Tower.

“This is why,” he mumbles into her shoulder and he absently wonders if she’ll carry him to bed if he falls asleep right here. “I’m not staying an extra hour so some dinosaur of an M.E who’s been on the force longer than some of our guys, myself included, have been alive can look at me and confirm that ‘yes, I did get shot’.”

“When you could come home so some Tamaranian, who is your age, can look at you and confirm that ‘yes you did get shot’.” she finishes.

“Exactly,”

She laughs and if he could capture the sound like fireflies in a jar he would.

It isn’t until they’re lying in bed and he’s staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of her breathing that he knows that that isn’t ‘exactly’. It’s that he needs to be with her. Always, when everythings fine, when a bullet tears through his side, rain or shine, everything. She knows he loves her, literally anyone who spends a second with them does, but there’s no way she’ll ever get how . . . Dick isn’t even sure if there’s a word for it in English. Or Romani, or any other language he can think of. Something incoherent about soulmates and other halves floats through his head before a hand flops onto his face. Kory’s turned over in her sleep and he tries not to laugh as he gently picks up her wrist and moves it. She curls into his arms and snores lightly, head resting on his chest and his heart aches with how much he loves her. Maybe that’s what it is. She’s an anchor, bringing him back home again and again.

[ithebookhoarder]

Can I get 83 off the angst list with Javier??? It's: Stay there I'm coming to get you

100 ways to say ily Prompt 83: “Stay there. I’m coming to get you” (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

A/N: Ooo, right in the angst. Let’s get to it! I also assume you meant this prompt list rather than the angst one as that’s only up to 20 ;) Don’t worry. I got you tho! I hope you like it x  Apologies for my terrible attempts at Spanish, so let me know if I got any of it wrong.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, blood, references to death (let me know if I missed anything)

Masterlist:

-------

“Javi?”

“Y/N?” 

The sound of his voice was soft as you held the phone to your ear. You could hear the soft echo of music playing in the background telling you he was definitely at home. 

Why wouldn’t he be, given the hour? It was the morning. 3 am to be precise. He should have been asleep. You should have been asleep, but no, you’d had to chase this lead alone. Like an idiot. A strong willed idiot who should have known better. 

But no. The idea of being able to catch one of Escobar’s top employees had been too tempting an opportunity to miss despite the fact the ambassador had said otherwise. In fact, he’d said fuck no, telling all of you to wait it out and get another source to confirm it. 

Apparently a friend of one of Javi’s ex informants wasn’t what they called reliable... even though she had direct access to the people supposed to be gathering tonight at the club you’d been staking out. 

Two hours you’d watched from your car, having snuck out to do so. If Javier and Steve had wanted to behave for once, then that was their call. They could stay and fill out paperwork to their hearts content. 

You didn’t need them for what was supposed to be a routine stake out and observation mission. 

Or so you’d thought. 

The fact you’d been made by one of the gang about thirty minutes after you’d entered the club had put a pretty big dampener on your plan. You hadn’t noticed as they’d arrived, recognising you after you’d almost caught them at a raid only days ago. 

The sicario had slipped away, managing to leap across one of the roofs as you’d chased them across. Had Steve not grabbed your arm and told you it was too dangerous a jump to risk, you’d have followed. 

But here he was, back and ready for payback... and he’d been quick to point you out to the others surrounding him. 

You knew it had been risky to be here and unfortunately, you were proved horrifically right. The fact you’d got away was a minor miracle, even if you were now bleeding. Badly. 

Damn bullet had missed but the graze was agonising, causing you to wince as you clutched at your side, trying to stem the bleeding as best you could. 

“Javi... I messed up.”

“Y/N, hermosa. What is it? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

His questions were relentless, firing one after the other as he detected the fear in your voice. The pain and regret too. 

“I’m ... I’m in an alley... by Fiebre... I’m sorry...”

“No, no. Don’t be sorry. It’s ok,” Javi soothed, panic underlying each word. You could hear him clattering about, most likely grabbing his keys and rushing out of the apartment next to yours. He didn’t need to ask to know what you were doing or why you were there. He knew you too well. He also knew you wouldn’t be calling like this if you weren’t in trouble. Trouble serious enough he had to get to you. Fast. “I’m on my way. Just stay there. I’m coming to get you.” 

A tear rolled down your cheek as the air suddenly felt a lot colder. Like Javi had just turned on the stupid faulty AC unit in your apartment, like he always did when it got late and he was staying over to look over material or keeping you company. 

God. What you’d have given to have him there to hold you right then. To wrap his familiar leather jacket around you like he always did when you forgot a jacket of your own, still forgetting that the hot days often fell into cooler nights. 

You longed for its touch, its scent, its comfort as you stared at the sky and prayed you lived long enough to regret this. 

“Fuck.” Your car was just down the street. You were so close but you didn’t know if you had the strength to make it there. “Javi... I’m bleeding... the bullet... it hit my side... it won’t stop.”

“Y/N, baby. Listen to me. We’re coming. Steve and I. It’s gonna be ok. Just keep talking to me, ok? Put pressure on it and don’t fall asleep. You hear me?”

“Javi-“

“I’m fucking serious, hermosa. You hear me? You better keep your damn eyes open long enough so I can look at them when we get there, and you make some stupid wise crack about all this.”

A car door slammed. Voices rang out over the line. You could hear an engine start. 

“Javi... I love you... I really do...”

“Y/N? Y/N?”

His voice sounded desperate, terrified even, as you faded away, failing to reply. You simply felt the edges of your vision beginning to dim and the inevitable pull of sleep tugging you toward an abyss you knew there would be no coming back from. 

You couldn’t fight it any longer.

A single tear trickled down your cheek and you felt the phone drop from your hand onto the cold concrete beneath you. 

“I’m sorry.”

——— 

“-y tienes suerte de que te quiera mucho. Odio los hospitales. este lugar es jodidamente horrible. No puedo dejarte aquí solo. no cuando te vas a despertar en cualquier momento. ¿Me escuchas? Tú vas a-“

The voices were coming in waves, washing over you and disappearing just as quickly. 

It was hard to try and hold on to, even if you wanted to. This voice in particular was soft and tempting, familiar even... Coaxing you in over and over every time you slipped back into the darkness that was so warm and soft. 

You’d always been a deep sleeper, slamming your alarm harder than necessary whenever it tried to wake you. 

Now was the same... even if you knew it shouldn’t be. Even if you felt odd, like you were supposed to be somewhere and you’d forgotten... 

But where?

“She should have woken by now-“

“Javi, calm down. She’s gonna be fine. The doctor said so. She just needs to rest. Have a little faith in her. She’s tough. She’ll pull through this.”

“But if she doesn’t ... Steve, I can’t...”

“Hey. Look at me, Peña. It’s gonna be alright. Now come on. Connie said she’d bring some clothes for you...”

There they were. The voices again. 

Somehow, you knew that they were trying to pull you back to wherever you were supposed to be. 

To the aching you felt. To the mechanical beeping you could hear. To the painfully bright lights hovering overhead. 

To the weight and warmth of someone’s hand holding yours. 

To the familiar face pressed against the bed as he slept, holding you hand tightly as if scared to let you go. 

“Javi?” you croaked. 

Like that, he was awake. 

You worried he’d have whiplash, he sat up so fast, eyes wide in disbelief as he realised you were awake. “Y/N? Oh, thank God!” 

“Y/N?”

“Steve?” you rasped, noticing your other partner as he leapt out of his chair in the corner of the room. The relief was clear as he smiled and hurried to the door. 

“Thank god. I’m gonna grab a nurse.” 

“Ok.” You smiled and turned to Javier who was still holding your hand tight, watching you with bloodshot eyes. “What... how long was I-?”

“Three days,” he whispered. “You really scared me there for a second, hermosa. You... you lost so much blood and they weren’t sure you were gonna make it.” 

“I’m sorry.”

The sight of tears in his eyes was more painful than the bullet hole that was currently sending white hot agony shooting through your side. You’d never seen Javi so torn up before. Never. The worst was when he’d sit silently and smoke for hours without even moving. 

As much as you hated that, you’d take that any day over this. Knowing you were the cause. 

“No. Don’t be,” he dismissed swiftly. “I mean yeah, I wanna shoot you myself for running off and pulling a dumb fucking stunt like that but I get it... I really do. I’d have done the same thing. Hell, I have done the same thing. I just wish you’d asked me to come. Or even Murphy. We would have.”

“The ambassador had his eye on you after the raid this week,” you protested weakly, wincing at the pain in your side as you tried to sit up. “I couldn’t risk you or Murphy or your jobs like that.” 

“Fuck our jobs.”

“Javi -“

“No, hermosa. Listen. I mean this. You come first, understood? Always,” Javi snarled, kissing the back of your hand. “I love you and I mean that. Life isn’t worth it without you. This job means shit all without you. You come first? Ok. Always. Seeing you lying there with all the blood on you... it made me realise a few things and this is one of them. I don’t want a life or a future without you in it.” 

You couldn’t help it as the tears began to flow again, your heart swelling with love for the man in front of you. You couldn’t help but reach out and brush your fingers through his hair as you’d done so many nights before. 

“I love you too, Javier Peña.”

“Good. Remember that when Steve gets back and starts ripping into your ass,” Javier teased, lightening up now that your were awake and talking again. “I won’t be able to save you then, carino. Sorry. Sicarios are one thing, but Murphy? He’s almost as terrifying as Connie.”

Oh fuck. You’d forgotten about Connie. Oh she was gonna kill you. Big time. 

That woman was the biggest mother hen you’d met in your entire life. She’d also probably have your ass on house arrest for the rest of your life after this stunt. 

“Shit,” you whined, dropping back against the pillows. “It was good while it lasted.”

“And good thing we get to do it all again another time,” he hummed. “Just ... not for a while, ok? Not until you’re on your feet.” 

“You mean, not until Connie says so?”

Javi didn’t even flinch as he nodded, deadly serious. “Yep. 100 percent.”

------

Translation: “and you are lucky i love you so much. i hate hospitals. this place is fucking horrid. i cant leave you here alone. not when you are going to wake up any minute now. you hear me? you are going to-”

[dustofbrokenheart]

The Covenant: Sweet Dreams

Part One | Part Two

Chase Collins x Reader

Word Count: 1,931

Warning: contains physical intimacy and some mature language

Summary: You’ve been away for weeks and Chase has no problems Using to prove just how much he misses you. 

It was cold and snowy outside, but the bed was cozy, the comforter wrapped around you thick. Added with a mattress with the right level of firmness and fluffy hotel pillows, and sleep came easy.

In one moment, you were curled on your side, drowsily watching the occasional flash of headlights that filtered in through the blinds. In the next, everything went black. The black was absolute, but not frightening. It was the kind of black that made you feel safe, like when you closed your eyes after a long day and shut everything else out.

Suddenly, you felt another presence in the dark and knew you were no longer alone. A crooning voice whispered in your ear. “Open those eyes for me, pet… there you go… that’s it.”

It took considerable effort but you manage to flutter your lids open like the sweet voice prompted. Something in that voice made it impossible to resist listening to it and you sighed in relief when you felt the voice’s fingers stroke your scalp in reward.

Gathering more strength now that your eyes were open, you turned your head toward the presence and saw that the fingers and the voice belonged to the same person. One that you knew. Knew very well, actually, seeing as how he was your boyfriend.

“Chase, what are you doing here?”

He smiled that signature smile of his. The one that always seemed so sweet at first glance, but masked the edge he normally tried to hide. “What? A guy can’t visit the love of his life?”

His words had you fully awake and you sat up, the darkness transitioning into the familiar view of your bedroom. “Wait. Are you real?” You peered around, your eyesight quickly adjusting. Saw your alarm clock on the nightstand. The piles of clothes that needed to be put away sitting on top of your desk.

He merely laid back on the bed and crossed his arms behind his head. “Well, not physically. But that doesn’t mean it’s not really me.”

You looked again and noticed how the edges of the room looked blurry, like someone had smudged the lines of the ceiling and floor. But everything else appeared perfect and you had definitely felt Chase touching you just now…

“So it’s a dream then,” you concluded. You smacked his chest with the back of your hand after a moment. “You promised to stop being so reckless with your powers, you idiot.”

“This isn’t reckless. I haven’t seen you in two weeks. That qualifies this dreamscape as an emergency in my book.”

He was right about that part. It had been weeks since you’d last seen one another. You had been traveling for research related to your master’s degree program and wouldn’t be flying home for another few days. In hind sight, that fact alone should’ve been enough for you to realize this was taking place in a dream space.

“As much as I love hearing that you miss me, this doesn’t count as an emergency, Chase.” He pouted, resting his head on your lap so he could rub his face into your thighs. “But since you’ve already went and done it… I happy you’re here.”

“Good. That means I can move to the next phase of my plan,” he murmured under his breath as if accidently thinking out loud. Which was a lie, of course. Chase was so self-aware that he never said anything by accident. If he said it out loud, it was because he wanted you to you hear him.

“Next phase?” you asked, playing along with his game.

“Well, you see—I think best if I just show you.” He picked up his head to press a kiss to your covered thigh, making sure to make eye contact with you. There was no mistaking the heat in his eyes.

His kisses moved upward to your hip. To your stomach. To your ribs. To your neck. Until he finally reached your mouth. He kept it very chaste, opting to press a fleeting closed-lip kiss to the side of your mouth. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach and you shivered.

He pulled back, holding your face securely in his hands. “What do you say, hmn? Shall we continue?”

Before you could consciously think about it, your head was nodding up and down. The mood instantly changed from sweet touches to hungry intent. Black started leeching from the pupil to completely cover both of Chase’s eyes and you knew you were in for it.

You saw was the flash of his fire rimmed eyes and suddenly you were laid flat out on your back. The sheets were cool against your naked skin, bared completely nude for Chase’s own viewing pleasure. A blindfold took away your vision, leaving you in darkness once again. Unlike when you were trying to fall asleep, you were now hyper-alert for any sounds or touches in order to compensate for the loss.

Next, your arms were pulled up above your head. A quick test proved that your wrists were wrapped in sooth silk, likely conjured by your boyfriend, and bound to your headboard; your arms wouldn’t be moving until Chase allowed it. Your heart was already hammering in your chest and nothing had even happened yet.

He parted your legs so that he could position himself in between them. He spread them into a wide ‘v’ and spanked one of your thighs. “Keep them open, okay? Otherwise they get tied up too.”

He moved up your body to hover over your chest and you made sure not to move your legs. Chase demanded obedience and he was petty enough to leave you tied up, and untouched, if you didn’t follow the rules.

He leaned down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, his warm breath raising goosebumps around the area. The touch seemed even more sensual now that you couldn’t see it coming. He alternated between strong sucks and playful flicks of his tongue. Not wanting to leave the other out, his hand crept up to grasp the bud with his fingers, stroking it masterfully until it hardened into a peak.

You sighed in bliss, the thread connecting your sensitive nipples to your sex lighting up. He wasn’t satisfied though.  

“I know you’re louder than that. Come on, let me hear you,” he said pinching your nipple. The pinch made you squirm and he followed it with a drawn-out lick to ease the pain.

The familiar duality of hard-soft treatment got you to release your first moan of the night and even though you couldn’t confirm it, you just knew that Chase had a smug grin on his face. “Louder,” he insisted darkly. The rumble of his voice combined with his sinful touches had you mewling, your back arching to keep his mouth on you.

“That’s more like it,” he purred.

With a parting lick, he detached himself completely and you had no idea what he would do next—your hearing no help since your heavy moaning drowned out every other sound. He left you in suspense for a few minutes, your body wound tight, and it wasn’t until you shifted your legs that he made his move.

“Uh uh uh,” he tsked in a sing-song voice. “What did I say? And I thought you were going to be good for me.”

“I do,” you breathed. “I promise I want to be good!”

His nails dug in to the flesh of your thighs, forcefully, his fingers gripping tight enough to leave marks. More silk wrapped around your ankles and it yanked so that you were forced into a split. It wasn’t the max limit of your flexibility, but it was enough to feel a stretching sensation in your muscles.

Without warning, he cupped you in his hand which had you bucking your hips. You were already slick and he coated his fingers, running them over you to make you even more slick while you trembled. Once he was content, he pulled away again and you grunted, restless on the bed.

“Patience, pet. I’m thinking.”

His gaze was laser focused on your sex as he stroked near your groin. He wasn’t sure whether to continue using his hands or if he should switch to his mouth. He was watering for a taste of you, but you really hadn’t earned that treat…

Oh well, he sighed. It couldn’t be helped. You needed to be taught a lesson. Besides, he knew you would look even better once you were a writhing mess.

He curled his fingers and pumped you once. Caught by surprise, you moaned lewdly, your hips canting to follow his movements.

“Here’s what’s going to happen—you’re going count every pump I give you until you get to fifteen. Then, if I want, I’ll use my mouth. Deal?”

It sounded like a trap. There was no way it wasn’t. Being stroked instead of spanked? Chase was a text book definition of a smooth talker who could sell ice to Eskimos. As good as the offer sounded, you knew it couldn’t be as easy as it seemed. Having no choice but to accept, you nodded.

He pumped again, slowly and with a tantalizing stroke at the end that had you straining against the silk bonds. And then he pressed his thumb down on a sensitive spot of nerves and made harsh, tight circles.

“One,” you gasped, lightning streaking through you. If it was that good after only one, there was no way you were get to fifteen without cumming. And that would be all the excuse he needed to deliver a harder punishment. You were definitely in trouble.

He went to touch you again when you were interrupted by a distant knock. Chase went deadly still and you turned towards the sound, still blindfolded. Another knock sounded, louder than the first time.

The restraints holding your limbs disappeared, followed quickly by the blindfold. All around, your bedroom was slipping away piece by piece and faster every second until just the bed remained. Confused, you faced Chase only to see him trembling in fury.

“Dammit,” he snarled. Then it all went blank.

Blinking your eyes, you found yourself back in the hotel room. A bit disoriented, you were awake enough to hear more knocking coming from down the hall. You heard a door open and a heated flurry of hushed whispers as the person knocking was presumably admitted into their room. The door slammed shut and then all was quiet again.

You picked up the clock from the bedside table and groaned in disappointment when it read 2:46 AM. Unfortunately, it would be while before you were able to fall back asleep now that you were wide awake. Down sides of being a particular sleeper.

And not only would you be unable to go back to sleep immediately, you were now left turned on with no boyfriend to finish you off. Your only consolation was that Chase was just as frustrated as you. Perhaps even more so.

It wasn’t often he wore his emotions clearly, especially in the bedroom, but his expletive more than gave him away, his parting snarl still echoing in your ears. He was pissed at being denied. Served him right for using his powers irresponsibly like that.

You amused yourself by imagining that he’d get so worked up, he’d call to finish what he started. A highly unlikely, but very intriguing fantasy. But then your phone lit up from where it peeked out under the covers to announce an incoming call.  

You smirked in the darkness.

Looked like your fantasy might not be as unlikely as you thought.

_______________

My first time writing for Chase! Was it alright? Thanks to @dhampiravidi​ for agreeing that he’s a kinky one. And thanks to anyone who reads! 

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Hopelessness of Wanting [Part 4]

<- Part 3

Frederick Chilton x Reader 

Warnings: NSFW. 18+ only! Suicidal thoughts. Nonconsensual blowjob, dubcon smut with reader (gender-neutral). None of the smut in this chapter is healthy! Two messed up people falling in love, only one is a lot more abusive than the other (Chilton. It’s Chilton). Reader is not in the healthiest of mind states to interpret their relationship. Everyone more or less gets what they deserve by the end.

6,400 words

Red morning light flooded into the bedroom through expansive panoramic windows that gave a spectacular view over the bay. Dr. Chilton—no, Frederick—was still beside you, rolled onto his back, snoring lightly. The bed was warm and smelled like him. A spicy, timeless fragrance. Expensive and a little off-putting at first whiff, until it melted into something complex and beautiful.

You felt hollow. Numb. Like you could float away or sink to the bottom of the ocean and never claw your way back out again. But calmer, at least. The impulse to hurt yourself was gone.

The negativity that had been devouring you from within had been washed away by a flood of tears and joy—crying until your eyes burned and your throat was hoarse, fucking your boss, going home with him, and then falling asleep crying again while he held you.

This morning, you had nothing left except static.

And there was Frederick Chilton, asleep beside you like a dreaming titan—the silhouette of his body beautiful and ominous. You resisted the urge to cuddle up next to him. He reacted badly to being touched without warning, and besides, you dreaded waking him up. What if he wasn’t happy? What if everything from last night was a mistake?

It all seemed surreal. That he had wanted you all along was too good to be true. Now that he had you, you were certain to be a disappointment. Your chest heaved unexpectedly, and you bit back a fresh sob. Suddenly your face was wet again.

Your nerves were so raw.

The peaceful static buzzing through your mind was fragile. Any sudden movement or loud thought might set you spiraling back down that hole again. You’re just going to screw this up, just like you screw everything up. Maybe it would have been better if you’d just gone through with it—saved everyone the inevitable heartache.

But if you had gone through with it, you never would have found out that Frederick returned your feelings. That knowledge—that something wonderful happened after your planned date of expiration—was reason enough not to try again. Sometimes good things happened. Things could change. Things could get better, and you could be happy again. You had to believe that.

So you moved slowly, and thought quietly. You listened to Frederick’s breathing in and out, and remained wrapped in the warm cocoon of blankets.

***

On the spectrum of touch aversion, Frederick Chilton was hardly a dramatic case. There was a Mr. Walton in his custody at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane who was imprisoned for murdering his four-year-old daughter because she would not stop hugging his calves as he walked by. Restraining the man for treatment required four muscular orderlies prepared for him to kick and bite at the slightest grazing of his skin.

That was touch aversion. Dr. Chilton considered himself perfectly normal by comparison.

He was able to shake hands with an acquaintance, hug a close friend or relative when social normalcy dictated he offer one, and even engage in sexual intercourse when his libido overrode his discomfort. As a man with a very high libido and next to no dating life, sex won out at every opportunity.

Yesterday, the hasty, frantic encounter with you in the medicine storage closet had been almost fully clothed. His hands explored your body as he rutted into you, but yours were braced against the tile wall, passive.

It was impersonal, and he was in control.

This morning, he awoke wrapped in the warmth of your body heat after you spent the night in his bed. In his home. He fell asleep watching you and awoke to you watching him thrashing out of a nightmare, your eyes full of so much emasculating pity that he lunged forward at once to kiss the look off your face.

Fuck—he did not know what he was thinking. A muffled noise of surprise escaped your crushed lips and then melted into a moan as you reciprocated. You opened compliantly to allow his tongue entrance. He meant to bully away your perception of his weakness with the aggressive kiss—he had not expected you to coil your fingers deep into his hair and pull him closer. Your leg pushed between his, and as he pulled back, panting, you quickly closed the gap and kissed him again.

Your bright floral scent was everywhere, surrounding him, invading the familiarity of his sheets. Your hands were pulling at him, softly caressing up and down his back.

It was intimate.

And he was terrified.

You saw him freezing up, and your hands stopped grabbing at him. Some of his tension evaporated as soon as you gave him space. A worried smile thinned your lips.

“Sorry. I forgot,” you murmured. “Is this better?”

You remembered. This was usually where his bedmate would call him too cold, or roll their eyes in annoyance. There was the usual guilt trip: if he was attracted to them, he would want to be crowded with physical affection. But you asked if he wanted to stop—asked him what he needed. No one had ever done that for him before.

“I am fine,” he swore to your skeptical frown, and it almost wasn’t a lie.

Knowing that you would stop put him at ease. The sunny persona you used at work may have been a forgery, but your gentle kindness was not. With you, he almost was fine.

He kissed you again, this time as tenderly as he had while you were sleeping. Felt you breathe in as his lips met yours, and then melt into him as you breathed out. He caressed your hair, and when your eyes opened again, taking him in, his heart felt full.

***

As a general rule of thumb, it is not a good idea to fuck your boss. This rule goes double when you are in the middle of a mental health crisis, and increases geometrically when said crisis was precipitated by your boss’s callous, condescending, cruel behavior in the first place. Or—that is to say—when your boss is Dr. Frederick Chilton.

But when you wake up in your boss’s bed having already fucked him, he pushes his tongue into your mouth, and the twitching of his erection against your thigh makes you feel alive again, you might as well accept you’re in too deep and go for it.

Dr. Chilton’s cock was already slipping through the open fly of his pajamas, and your hand helped it the rest of the way out. You licked your lips, imagining the weight of him on your tongue, his salty taste filling your mouth. Bracing a hand on one of his thighs, you lowered yourself to the pink dome.

“N-no,” Frederick stammered. “You do not have to do that.”

“I want to,” you hummed, a seductive rumble to your voice.

The corner of his mouth twitched upward once in appreciation for your willingness, but his eyes kept a haunted dullness that told you there was more behind his refusal than politeness. There was a story there, and you knew better than to push it.

You couldn’t have known it was his conscience intruding.

Taking control, he pushed you back down onto the mattress. The sound of lube squeezing from a bottle shortly preceded a cold slickness spread between your legs. You reached for him instinctively, trying to make it romantic, but he pinned your hands down by your side. The crown of his cock pushed against your tight entrance, which burned at the penetration it was unprepared for. It was cold, rushed—but as he canted his hips forward, his fingers laced through yours.

“Oh god,” he moaned as if he were kneeling in prayer, whispering his sins in confession—guttural, yet barely a breath.

You grit your teeth to cage the pained cry that leaped in your throat, stifling it into what passed for a whimper of pleasure. The stretch of his unceremonious insertion was the punishment you deserved for being so dramatic and causing so much trouble yesterday. For making him bring you home, worry about you, feel like he had to take care of you. For being weak. For all the incompetent mistakes. You didn’t complain that your body screamed in protest at being forced open too fast by such a large implement. It wasn’t that bad, and the sensation was mixed with pleasure. Satisfaction of seeing the handsome doctor’s face contorting with lust warmed your stomach, and soon your body relaxed around his cock, warmth pooling and coiling in your lower back.

Chilton’s first thrusts were controlled, experimental, rocking forward by slow inches and then retreating until the crest of his cockhead was barely hanging on to the tight rim of your opening. Then he rocked forward again while his analytical green eyes studied your reaction.

After a few of these slow strokes, the pain was gone. Perhaps he had been cognizant of it, waiting until you were letting out soft moans, your pelvis tilting to meet his, before continuing. Then his leg muscles tightened, and his next thrust slammed his hips into yours, filling you completely. You cried out in unison—his a satisfied growl, and yours a wail like you’d been punched in the gut but got off on it.

He lost his thin facade of control after that, rutting into you with force, pressing sloppy wet kisses over your mouth, down your neck. Your fingers clenched his tightly, your knuckles turning white, and he gripped back just as hard. He only slowed to arch his back so he could tease your nipples into hardened peaks with his tongue, releasing new yelps and whimpers from your throat. A possessive bite drew a more resounding cry of pleasure and a dark bruise.

The only thing restrained about his performance was his voice. After his first shout of pleasure, he grew silent except for a few strained noises that told you how hard he was working to strangle back the others. You wondered what wild howls Dr. Chilton hid within him.

“I want to hear you,” you panted.

His face was a mask of effort, already covered in a sheen of sweat that betrayed his poor physical shape. He stared down at you like an enemy soldier in a trench—a spy picking at his weaknesses—and gave no reply.

A strange sort of bravery born of lust came over you. “I want to hear it when you come inside me,” you challenged.

The rhythmic motion of his hips stuttered, and a moan slipped past his defenses as if by your command.

“That’s good,” you purred. “That’s a good boy.”

Something shifted in his suspicious eyes at your praise. A wall came down. “Yes,” he rasped. “You want to hear it—” his voice was punctuated by a powerful snap of his hips and a wet sound of flesh “—when I fill you with my seed.”

“Fuck—yes. Please. Fill me, come inside me!” your voice shook as you moaned your assent. You were so hollow. You needed him—needed him to fill that emptiness inside. Needed his thick cock splitting you open, punishing you, claiming you.

“When I make you mine.” His eyes were wild, almost frightening in their focus upon you—perfect green tunnels into a soul as volatile as yours. He pounded into you deeper.

And he was loud. He had been loud yesterday when he took you fast and hard against the wall, but that encounter was a blur in your memory. Now his voice was the only music filling your head, replacing the static. He spoke continually in filthy promises and eloquent details of what he wanted to do to you, but his words were punctuated by inarticulate grunts and moans. An aching need built with each primal noise that was so unlike the repressed, cynical Dr. Chilton you knew at work.

Every trembling declaration of your name, every prayer to god that passed his lips sent a shock of arousal to your core, and when he half-begged, half-demanded, “Mine… you are mine,” you couldn’t help but agree.

“Yours!”

You were close, all of your senses lost to an overwhelming need. Chilton released one of your hands and slipped between your legs. Every nerve in your body came alive as he stroked you. Your back arched as you went rigid beneath him, crying out.

His head fell against your shoulder, hips bucking wildly, and he sobbed, “Oh god… yes… yes. Mine… mine… mmm—!”

He shuddered as his warmth flooded you. Though his hand became lazy as his own climax overtook him, you eked out an orgasm from the friction between your bodies. It was enough. Enough to leave a slippery mess on his bedsheets, and enough for the resulting crash.

Your emotional high popped like a soap bubble and left you just as hollow—somehow emptier than before—even with Dr. Chilton’s cock still inside you and his seed filling you. You felt wrong. Guilt churned in the place arousal had been occupying. You almost started to weep as he pulled out of you.

Chilton didn’t seem to notice, glowing with the opposite effect of his completion. He ducked between your legs, grabbed your thighs, and began sucking your overstimulated flesh with renewed enthusiasm.

“Ah! W-wait,” you squirmed in his grasp, but it was firm. “What are you doing? I-I already came!”

The sloppy wet noises paused. His chin was soaked and he took sadistic delight in your distraught whimpers. “Therapy,” he smirked. “I have a theory you have another one in you, and that it will benefit your health.”

“What if I can’t?”

“Be a good little subject for me and try,” he answered, “or we shall be here a long time.” Then he buried his face between your thighs.

It felt sickening at first, like swallowing a cup of sugar—too much of something good that becomes painful. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as his tongue worked mercilessly. Then his fingers pumped inside you, his slick cum serving as a lubricant, and that aching need began to return. Choked cries of misery dissolved into ones of pleasure. He didn’t stop until you came again in his mouth, legs quivering and bruised under his grip. This one was more powerful than the first—you could feel it through your entire body, in every limb, and when it finally passed and his mouth popped wetly off of you, your body was too leaden to move.

Chilton smiled, quite satisfied with himself, licking your release off his lips.

***

Work was less stressful when you returned to it on Monday. Dr. Chilton was suddenly understanding of your mistakes. Though you were terrified he would decide he was wrong about you—you were too much of an idiot and failure for a relationship—things at least improved to the point that you could pretend to be cheerful again. Fake it until you make it was your mantra.

Everyone could tell something had changed.

Shifts were rationed out fairly without the express aim of frustrating employees. Patients received actual treatment. Dr. Chilton’s mood was so much less spiteful that a new hire unironically called him nice.

“He must be getting laid,” was the rumor around the hospital, though no one could decide who in their right mind would sleep with him. Your grin dropped at an orderly’s suggestion it was a prostitute.

You were gathering up your keys and jacket from your personal locker in the staff room when the sound of expensive leather shoes clicking on the stone floor signaled the doctor’s approach. It no longer made you flinch.

Chilton glanced in from the hallway and, seeing you were not alone, politely said, “Good work today,” and continued on, his step lighter than usual.

“You didn’t,” Nurse Clerval said flatly.

“What?”

“You didn’t,” they repeated. A raised eyebrow caused worry wrinkles to erupt beneath a hairline steadily turning grey.

“Of course not!”

“Then what is all this about?”

Your entire body was shifted in the direction Dr. Chilton had gone as if straining to follow, and a tell-tale smile shaped your lips into a fawning curve. Oh, you were so busted.

“We happened to talk the other day, that’s all. In private.”

“How private?” Another brow raise.

Your cheeks burned. “It’s not like that! He’s shy. When we talked one-on-one, it turns out we get along. He apologized for always singling me out, and he’s just trying to be more supportive. As a management style.”

Clerval stared at you hard. Your chest puffed out, really proud of that lie. The older nurse had seen enough within the hospital walls to know the administrator suddenly adopting a kinder, gentler management style was horseshit. But their jaded heart had not lost all compassion. A young nurse caught fucking the boss would get ripped to pieces by the gossip mill in this vicious place.

“OK. Fine,” they surrendered. “Just don’t go around making googly eyes, or people will get the wrong idea.”

***

A timid knock sounded on Dr. Chilton’s door, although it was still open from his last meeting—a junior psychiatrist who hurried out fuming and near tears. Perhaps that was why the next appointment was hesitant to come in.

He looked up from his computer, and the crankiness entrenched in his bones shook off at the sight of your face. You were his eighth performance evaluation that day, somewhere in the middle of the pack, and he’d lost track. Now his demeanor shifted, and he did something he hadn’t done for the others by rising from his desk to greet you.

“Close the door, if you would,” he said before you got too far into the room.

The latch clicked shut.

You were nervous. Though you had been dating for months, you remained distant during the workweek to avoid scandal—if news of a relationship got back to the board, you might be transferred to another hospital. Alone in his office, it was unclear whether Dr. Chilton was your boss or your boyfriend. Letting you dangle in suspense sent a thrill of excitement up his spine.

“Take a seat. Let’s get started, shall we?” he said, sitting back down behind his computer.

His massive desk was known as “the moat” by his staff, and it created an impersonal distance between you. He eyeballed you from across the moat, tapping his fingers together as he sank into his tall-backed leather chair. You sat on a small wooden chair, feeling very much like a specimen, and focused on the space between his eyes.

“You have been late five times this year and had to have an ID card replaced,” he said in clipped syllables, launching right into the review with one “needs improvement” after another.

Your stomach twisted into a familiar knot, but you managed not to spiral into an attack of self-loathing and anxiety. If you were going to cry, you could hold it until later.

Talking to someone helped.

Even Chilton admitted it was unethical for your boyfriend to be your therapist, and recommended you to someone with more expertise. You had been seeing Dr. Bloom for three months, and the dark fog was slowly receding. She taught you how to beat it back. Finding another job, for example, was not an outrageous, impossible idea if your current one was making you miserable. And most of your mistakes were no worse than the mistakes of your coworkers whom you very much wanted to keep living. She started you on a bupropion prescription that helped stabilize your moods, and you found yourself able to focus better because of it, too.

It also helped not being bullied at work every day.

The more your self-esteem improved over the months, the more you came to resent the shameful way Frederick used to treat you. Yet, as those same months went by, his actions drifted further into the territory of Past Frederick. That man was a stranger now—you could hardly hold Present Frederick accountable for his actions. Present Frederick was attentive and warm, always surprising you with lavish meals from Baltimore’s finest restaurants, spa days, and quiet nights at home. And as your boss, he was aloof but polite whenever he had cause to speak with you.

Why was he acting so cold now?

Dr. Chilton’s green eyes bore into you over the top his computer screen. “Tsk tsk… I am afraid your performance has not been exceptional, nurse. Perhaps there is something you can do to improve what goes into my report…” A thin lecherous smile spread over his lips.

You weren’t sure what he meant until he beckoned you to his side of the moat, and his hand slid under your shirt.

“What are you willing to do for a better evaluation, my little pet?” He winked mischievously, a hint of playfulness lighting his eyes, though his desire was deadly serious.

“We said never at work.”

“Yes, but now we have reason to be locked in my office, alone. Nothing that would raise suspicion. You are all mine for the next twenty minutes.”

A gasp rushed from your lips as his fingers expertly found a nipple and pinched. Your skin prickled with need.

“In that case, doctor… what will it take? I’ll do anything!” You added a desperate tremble to your voice as you got into the role he wanted you to play.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to bend you over this desk?” Frederick growled with lust, his breath hot in your ear as he grabbed your arms and spun you to face it. It had been a fantasy for far longer than you had been dating. His erection pressed against your ass.

You twisted your neck to catch the side of his mouth in a sloppy kiss. He smirked against your tongue before shoving you down.

The flat of his hand trailed up your back, fingers splaying between your shoulder blades to push your cheek into the polished mahogany.

“Good… very good,” he said. His breath shook with excitement.

Pulling your scrubs down, he rubbed the thickness of his cock over your opening. You shuddered at the cold sensation of lubricant and moaned as he reached between your thighs to stroke you.

“You are always ready for me to take you whenever I want it. To do anything I ask. It is my favorite thing about you—did you know that, my needy little pet?”

His hips rocked, the blunt head of his cock circling, pushing at your tightness. You let out a strangled whimper that almost sounded like a, “Yes, Doctor Chilton.”

“Be quiet now, remember,” he chided as his strong fingers dug into your hips and drew them against his in one fluid motion.

A gasp erupted from your throat—you fought to comply as he stretched you open, biting down on your fist. You were so tight around his cock, but it was the rush of power that drove him into a frenzy. He felt so in control, gripping your hips as he pounded you against his large desk. The desk was his own furnishing, and he was proud of how substantial it was—too heavy to scrape across the floor even as he fucked you. No creaking to indicate cheap construction. The height of refinement. Silent. No one would know what was happening just behind the closed door of his office—his domain. He had control here. It was something he was desperate for after two near-fatal attacks left him weakened and helpless, and his office was one of the few places he could exert his will absolutely. His office was his safety. And you. You completed it.

“You’re mine,” he grunted. “So submissive for me, bent over… God, yes—”

The one thing Dr. Chilton desired in life more than control was to be adored, and you adored him. The most pleasant ray of sunshine to grace the BSHCI was secretly broken like him. Was secretly his. All his. He had everything he wanted—your obedience, your affection, your strangled cries as you fought to stay quiet, your body writhing in pleasure beneath him—

He shuddered and came.

He finished sooner than he intended, and awareness of being old and weak came flooding back as his release dripped out around his cock and dribbled down your thighs. Fuck. He fucked it all up. But you turned and wrapped your arms around him anyway, kissed him like you weren’t even disappointed, and made him forget he wasn’t good enough. God, he could get lost in you.

Every day, he was a little less self-conscious. More comfortable having you close. He learned to trust you.

After a life of suffering, you were his happy ending.

***

“I love you.”

You hadn’t said it yet, but you were going to today.

Frederick Chilton’s hand was always in yours wherever you went—under the dinner table, on your thigh in the car, on the couch while the other hand typed away on a laptop. Soon he wouldn’t be able to hide his affection at work. You already caught him nearly slipping up and calling you “pet” in front of another nurse. It wouldn’t be long before it all came out. And it would be alright.

You were already looking at jobs at other hospitals in Baltimore. Most even came with a pay increase. Then when your relationship went public, there would be no scandal, no dating your boss, just the two of you together. A real couple. He was going to invite you to move in with him so you could still see each other every day—you were sure of it. The thought sent thrills of goosebumps tingling up your arms.

For once, when you looked to the future, you saw something bright.

“Hey Clerval, have you seen Dr. Chilton? I tried his office, but…”

The old nurse sighed heavily. Swinging their feet off the breakroom table, they set aside the yogurt cup they were halfway through and gave you a tired look. You hadn’t exactly told Clerval about your secret relationship, but they knew, and so far, no one else did. Not that they approved. In fact, you had never seen Clerval so worn down as when the topic of you and Dr. Chilton came up.

“His schedule says he’s in his office, which means he’s probably in one of his ‘unorthodox therapy’ sessions.”

Your head cocked. “His what?”

Clerval pinched the bridge of their nose, giving yet another sigh at your naivety. (At this rate, they were going to run out of air.) “Experimental procedures. Things the good doctor doesn’t want on record.”

There was a bitter bite to their words, yet at the same time, resignation. This hospital sucked the soul out of everyone who entered it, and Henry Clerval had been a nurse here longer than anyone. Longer than Frederick Chilton had been a doctor.

“Oh,” you said. “Well,” you scuffed the white rubber sole of your sneaker on the stone floor. “I’m sure he has a good reason.”

“I always see those hypnotherapy lights flashing around Ward A when no one is scheduled for therapy. Try there,” Clerval suggested with defeat.

“Thank you!” you called, sneakers already running down the hall in the direction of the women’s ward.

“Are you sure you want to interrupt his session?”

“I want to surprise him! I’ve got something important to say!”

***

If anyone had been outside women’s wing cell 4B on any Wednesday around noon, they would have heard a wet choking sound, but the staff was too jaded to care. If the guards had any idea what was happening, they got off on it, and didn’t try to stop it.

“Am I good girl, daddy?”

“Yes… yes,” Dr. Chilton hissed between his teeth, biting his lower lip to keep his breath from exploding out in a tortured moan. “A good girl.”

It was an accident the first time a hypnotherapy session regressed Julianne back to a sexually abusive childhood. She grabbed for his belt, and he froze. He almost yelped out in terror and called for a guard, but then she had his cock in her warm, wet mouth, sucking it to fullness, and moaning for him (or rather, for the memory of the father and brother she eventually murdered).

This wasn’t therapy.

When you became a soft part of his life, he stopped trying to justify his actions as anything other than more exploitation in her long life of being exploited. He let it happen because he was lonely, and he continued doing it because he did not care who else got hurt. There were no possible therapeutic benefits for the patient. He himself noted an exacerbation of dissociative symptoms, if there was ever any doubt that he was not thinking of her care. He only wanted a warm mouth to service him, even if it was not the one he longed for.

Then you became more than a daydream, and he recognized how deeply he hated himself. Because he had you—not only your body, but your heart.

But he never stopped.

Every week, like clockwork, he continued the hypnotherapy sessions and left Julianne confused with the bitter taste of his ejaculation in her throat.

You could have been his happy ending.

It wasn’t too late. You filled his lonesome days with affection and understanding he never thought possible. You taught him that he wasn’t too old and broken to love. In forty-five miserable years, he hadn’t ruined things so badly he could never find happiness.

You could have been his epilogue if he only loved you as well as you loved him.

It was not your fault what happened next.

But of course, of all the nurses and orderlies, doctors and guards in the BSHCI, you were the only one kind enough to want to surprise him with lunch. The only one who would have a sinking feeling about the rhythmic squelching coming from cell 4B. Anyone else would have said it was someone else’s business and walked away before seeing something that might obligate them to fill out paperwork.

You were too kind for this place. Too kind for the scarred doctor whose heart died a long time ago.

He watched your eyes widen from the other side of the bars. Saw your face turn from confused to nauseous, then crumple into tears as an involuntary groan escaped his lips—Julianne kept sucking at an unwelcome, now painful pace.

Then you turned and ran.

Julianne never stopped until he finished, though he was no longer in the mood. He never touched her, but he tried to back up, wanted to run after you. She stayed with him. This time he broke his rule and placed a hand to her forehead to push her away. Grasping his thighs, she hollowed her cheeks and sucked harder. Blood hammered in his ears. If he ripped her away, she could become violent or wake from the hypnosis, and he did not know how much was she aware was real. What her reaction might be. She was surprisingly strong as she held on, teeth grazing threateningly along his shaft the more he struggled.

She never stopped until he finished.

He was trapped.

He whimpered, cock going soft even as she bobbed faster. He tried to close his eyes and think about you, but that was ruined. You were gone forever. There was nothing he could say to explain himself, unless he drugged you with the right cocktail of psychotropics to make you suggestible, your memory malleable…

Solutions he knew would never work raced through his mind as the throbbing between his legs became an agonizing burn devoid of pleasure.

Panic rose and tightened his chest.

***

An anonymous call was made to the board of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. The subsequent investigation found “no conclusive evidence” of Dr. Chilton’s alleged breach of ethics, owing not to the lack of such evidence existing, but the board’s desire to sweep the incident under the rug. He was, however, summarily fired and replaced by Dr. Alana Bloom. A forward-thinking move—if the truth ever came out, the hospital would have a friendly feminist face for public relations.

He never went to jail. Never got what he deserved.

Within a month, his book Hannibal the Cannibal became a national best-seller, and he was on tour, raking in wealth and acclaim. He probably would have left his position at the hospital anyway.

There was only one thing he lost, and he used much of the book’s royalties hiring a private investigator to keep tabs on you. It was the only way he could be sure you were safe when you would not return any of his calls.

As much as he was terrified of you becoming suicidal again, the truth hurt more.

You were doing well.

You resigned from BSHCI. Within a month, you had a new job as a graphic designer of all things. He never knew you were an artist. There were so many things about you he never asked, and now he never would.

Every so often, he would drive by your house and slow down, trying to catch a glimpse of you. He imagined seeing you hanging a rope, and rescuing you just in time. A thousand versions of the confrontation played in his mind—you screaming, “Stay away from me!” with disgust. Tears streaming from your puffy red eyes. Him pleading, “Do not hurt yourself because of my mistake.” The bark of your sardonic laugh at the realization that he cared.

In a few, precious few, of these fantasies, you would throw yourself into his arms and forgive him.

But he never saw you in danger, and he rarely indulged dreams as unlikely as reconciliation.

Eventually, he didn’t even get to hear your voice directing him to leave a message—only an automated recording that the number has been disconnected. Sometimes, however, you were sitting on the couch in your living room near the window, and it was enough to justify the forty-minute detour through your neighborhood.

One day, your silhouette was not alone.

***

Nurse Clerval quit two days after you left.

They couldn’t forget the shock on your face when you burst into the breakroom and nearly collapsed. It was the most heartbreaking thing to see someone so innocent crushed.

“Ch-Chilton… he—”

Sobbing and stuttering, you told them what happened, and Clerval took care of it. You were in no state to get on the phone, be put on hold, and fill out the miles of paperwork that went with everything in a government-funded hospital. It was a pain in the ass, and nothing would get done anyway, which was why no one ever bothered… but they couldn’t ignore the look on your face.

“You’re going to get through this,” the nurse said when you hadn’t moved for a long time. “Just breathe. It’s going to be bad for awhile, but you just keep breathing, keep surviving, and one day you’ll wake up, and… you’ll be through it.”

You rubbed the tears from your eyes to look up at Clerval with new appreciation. The jaded nurse had been haunting these halls for too long and it hardened them, but they were always watching out for you.

When you tried to throw yourself at them, desperate for stability, they turned you down, patting your head like a child. “You’re not in a clear mental state.”

***

A brown paper takeout bag sat on your kitchen counter. You’d missed your own “congratulations on the new job” party, and Clerval got worried, hiding their relief when you answered the door. Your eyes were lifeless.

“I couldn’t face everyone. If any of them knew I was… seeing him”—you shuddered and avoided saying his name—“they wouldn’t be caught dead with me. How could I be so stupid?”

A calloused thumb wiped a tear from your cheek. “I miss your smile.”

They gave you a small, sad smile of their own. It was the first time you’d seen Clerval smile. Their face looked like it was made to smile, you decided—like it used to a long time ago, but forgot how.

“When you were dating Dr. Chilton... fuck that bastard, but you were happy. I loved coming to work and seeing you smile like that. It brightened up the gloom. I’d like to see you smile like that again someday.”

“I’m sorry,” you choked. “I don’t know if I can anymore.”

Suddenly you were wrapped in a hug, with a comforting voice in your ear. “You can. You will.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Shut up, I’m clair-fucking-voyant, and I goddamned know you will. Now go on and live your life like you believe it too. Don’t you dare turn into an old cynic like me.”

***

Frederick Chilton thought his lungs would burn through his ribcage—that his throat would close up, and he would die. Seeing you with someone else was more than he could stand, and he drove home with a death wish, gas pedal to the floor. He would rather be wrapped around a telephone pole than make it back to his empty, too-large house.

But the universe does not dole out fair consequences.

He deserved to die in a jealous rage. To be arrested. You should have thrown wine in his face in a dramatic public confrontation. Screamed at him. But you never did.

There was no satisfying comeuppance or divine punishment.

There was only the memory of your heart breaking, and knowing three things in that moment: You loved him. It was over. And it was his fault. There was a time in his life when he was happy. When he had you to hold in his arms, kiss away his nightmares, and fill his days with love.

And then he didn’t.

All he had left was the smell of you on his sheets and a hoodie you had forgotten. He laid it out on a pillow beside him and inhaled until even your scent was gone.

Years later, lying in his own charred remains inside an oxygen chamber, he wondered if you would visit and start to cry at the sight of him. Forgive him.

He never saw you again.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

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[diamondcamefromhell]

Cane

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

A/N: play “guess whos back” on me because ayee, i am back, this time not with jaskier fic [sorry bby] but with... kaz brekker? whaa? so i am super late to the fandom but i read six of crows a couple of weeks ago and wanted to write an imagine with kaz x reader so.... vuioula?

oh and also HAVENT read crooked kingdom yet so no spoilers plz <333

Summary: y/n is part of the dregs, on good terms with kaz but when kaz gets a bit hurt things take a turn 

Warnings: swearing and leg injury [not grpahic at all]

word count:

FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT I MIGHT TAKE AWHILE TO GET TO THEM [open for all witcher and six of crows characters btw]

Kaz slipped on his gloves looking at me like I was a disgrace, but I began to wonder if that was is resting face. He seemed to look like that at nearly everyone. I flashed him my teeth in return.

“No need to glare, pretty boy.” He clicked his tongue at my nickname, which I knew for a fact he hated. Or pretended to hate.

“Get off my fucking wardrobe, Y/N.” I lift by brows in question, laying back down, or trying to do so as much as I could in the small space.

“I like it here.” I shoot a glance at Kaz, who just rolls his eyes, but I see a small curl forming on his lips. “I may be no Inej, but I like small spaces.”

“I know.” Kaz says almost softly, before he picks up his cane and pokes me in the legs. “But terrorize someone else, please.”

“Oh did our great Kaz Brekker just said please?” I tease, but however jump off his wardrobe. Kaz towers over me slightly, looking down now, leaning on his cane.

“Next time I will beat you with my cane.” I narrow my eyes, grinning.

“Ooh, scary.” I pat him on the shoulder, moving away before he actually beats me with his cane. His expression grows cold at the touch, but I ignore it. “Where are we headed?”

“I am going to see some friends.” Kaz says through his teeth, making it pretty clear I am not welcome.

“You don’t have friends, but alright, pretty boy.” I wink, heading for the door, but I stop for a moment before leaving. I shoot a glance at him and he raises his eyebrows. “Be careful, please.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He says nonchalantly.

“You know I always will.” I whisper, leaving the room and slamming the door.

I decide to make my way to Jasper, jumping down the stairs to catch him gambling at the table. I glance at the group, already guessing he will lose. He sees me approaching and flashes me a smile. I wink in turn, looking around the room for more familiar faces.

I wish Nina were here. We got along great, even if she was relentless and insisted I have a crush on Kaz.

She may be right. But it wasn’t about that. It was about respect. Gratitude. It was about family.

Kaz makes his way downstairs, limping more than usual. Inej appears from nowhere and they exchange a few whispers before he leaves and the Suli girl looks at me.

“He’ll be fine, you know.” She says, approaching me. I believe her, but still feel uneasy.

“Do you think he would kill me if I followed him?” Inej laughs because the answer is blaringly obvious. I flush red.

“He would one thousand percent catch you. And be angry.” Inej takes my hand in hers. “And he will be fine. You don’t have to worry. It’s Kaz.”

“Bastard of the Barrel.” I mutter, pulling away. Inej’s face shadows but she forces a smile. I don’t respond. “I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s early.” I glance at Inej, already walking away.

“I’m tired.” I respond, stepping two steps at a time, rushing into a room they got let me stay in, falling face down on my bed.

Moments later I roll down off it, in the small tight space between the bed and the wall. Tight places make me feel safe. Not exposed. Hidden.

I had to hide too much as a child. It’s now forever in me.

You only wont get hurt if they don’t find you. If they don’t see you. If you make yourself so small, you disappear.

I slip into sleep, not sure for how long, until my door flies open. I instinctively lower myself underneath my bed, until I recognize that the voice.

“Y/N!” Jasper. I roll from under the bed, meeting his gaze as he gets startled. Our eyes lock and he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s Kaz…”

I don’t wait for him to finish. I am on my feet, practically flying out of my room, my heart a few steps behind, lungs on fire, I go to his room, but he is not there. I slam the door behind me, sending myself flying down the stairs.

I lose my footing, falling ungracefully on my knees. My ankle seemingly catches fire but I don’t care, jumping on my feet, looking around, white noise ringing in my ears.

Kaz. Where is he?

I see Inej rush from the furthest corner of the room. Our eyes meet.

“Here.” She points, but as I try to rush past her into the other room, she catches me. “You need to calm down first.”

“Let me go.” I practically growl, but she holds me. I feel Jasper approach too.

“Breathe, for fucks sake.” Jasper says, shaking my shoulders from behind, and I let out a breathe that I didn’t even realize I was holding in.

“Kaz is fine.” Inej says, forcing me to look at her. “Just his leg got busted a little bit more. He will be fine. Nina is on her way.”

“Let me in.” I hiss, freeing myself from her grip, but she stands in front of the door.

“He said-“ I slam my hand next to her face. She doesn’t flinch and doesn’t move. We lock eyes.

“I don’t care.” I know she understands. I know she knows why I have to see him. She moves out of the way.

“Knock yourself out.” She says coldly. I give her a nod, before I twist the handle, pushing the door.

The room is lit up and I see Kaz in a chair, his leg lifted on another one. He has his eyes closed, holding his cane over his midriff. He doesn’t look at me when I close the door.

“I thought I made it clear I don’t want you hear.” Ouch. I cross my arms, glaring at him, even if he cant see.

“I thought you said you will be fine.” I respond and he looks at me, cold faced.

“I am fine.” I shake my head, approaching him. I sit on the ground, pulling knees to my chest. A comfortable distance away, so he doesn’t kick me if I piss him off.

“That scared the shit out of me.” I whisper, closing my eyes. “When Jasper came in my room and just said your name and when Inej stopped me. I thought you died.”

“Why should it matter if I died? It doesn’t change your debt. Your life.” I snicker at his words.

“Yeah. My life would totally be the same if you died, Kaz.” I hate that I cant hide the shaking. I hate that he probably sees me as a weak woman. As a weak person. Someone childish and immature. But I cant stop acting like that. Even now, when he is hurt.

“People would still take care of you.” I glance up at him just as he looks down to me. “If that’s what you worried about. The Dregs have your back.”

“There are no Dregs without you.” I say, but he scoffs.

“Whatever.” I sigh, standing up. My ankle kills me suddenly, and I grab his chair to steady myself. “Are you alright?”

“Whatever.” I say, looking at him. “Why should it matter if I am hurt? Your life is the same.”

“Not if you don’t pay your debt.” He says and I am taken back. I stare at him, stone faced, sitting there without a care of the world. Only kruge. All he needs is kruge.

“Fuck you, Kaz.” I breathe out, stepping back, limping.

“You too, Y/N.” Doors behind my back open and I can only assume it’s Nina.

I don’t say a word. I turn around, not even saying hi, I leave the room. I limp past Inej and Jasper. They don’t try to stop me. I limp out of the building into the dark streets of Ketterdam.

I breathe in the air, not sure where to go. I needed to air out my emotions. To be away from everyone.

I wanted to be alone. To hide. Make myself feel small. Invisible.

Seemed that is what I will always be. Only seen for what people need of me, not who I am.

But then again, who am I?

I go to the Fifth Harbour. I know its not safe. I know its dumb. But I don’t care.

Luckily, I get there without any trouble. I go behind some crates and fishing nets stacked against one of the buildings. I squeeze myself in, make myself invisible between two crates. I throw the net over the top.

Sky looks like its made from puzzle pieces now. Nothing is connected. All scattered, all a mess.

I close my eyes.

“Im such a fucking child.” I say to myself, quietly. “I cant handle rejection like an adult.”

I lean back breathing in the salty air. I can barely move. It makes me feel safe. I focus on that. How I am squeezed in. How I feel.

How it proves I am alive. I am real. I matter.

I don’t realize how I fall asleep, softly crying, but when I wake, the sun is already high in the sky. My entire body is stiff from being squeezed in one position all night. Everything hurts and I can barely open my eyes.

I try to stand, but the pain in the ankle stabs me and send me back to the ground, with the net tangling around me. A wave of panic rushes over me as I try to get it off, only making matters worse.

I stop and breathe, trying to calm down, until I hear someone knocking on a crate nearby. Something towers over me, blocking the sun.

I open my eyes to see Kaz looking down to me. A smallest hint of relief runs past his face for a moment, but then he is back to being cold.

“Need a hand?” He asks, tapping the cane on the crate again. I glare at him, tears burning my eyes. I shake my head. “Alright.”

He moves away, the sun blinding me again. I don’t hear him walk away, so I know he is still standing there. Probably mocking me. Great.

I get the net off myself this time. Lift myself despite my body screaming at me. Just a moment later I am standing in front of him and our eyes meet again.

I limp past him, he silently walks behind.

“Told you I am fine.” He speaks, and I hear him double tap his cane. “As good as I was before.”

“Good.” I say, not slowing down. “Glad to hear that.”

“Nina is back at Crow Club to help you.” Kaz says again and this time I glance back. He isn’t looking at me, but more at the people passing us.

“Okay.” I slow down as my ankle is killing me now, limping even more. I don’t want Kaz to see me like this. Everything hurt. “I know the way.”

“Just keeping you safe.” He says calmly, and I know he expected me to protest.

“I don’t need you to keep me safe.” I say quietly and the man just sighs.

I stop for a moment, next to some other crates, leaning against them. Kaz catches up to me, blocking the sun again. I look at him.

“Am I really just walking kruge for you?” I ask, breathing heavily. “Not a walking, breathing and feeling human being?”

“You are barely walking.” He says, glancing at my ankle.

“Don’t ignore my question.” I say harshly.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” We glare at each other, and I push myself up and walk again, though visibly way more slowly than before. This time Kaz stays by my side.

“At least I wont bother you anymore. I wont be able to climb that fucking wardrobe anytime soon.”

“Nina will patch you up and you will be there in no time, Y/N.” Kaz doesn’t sound fazed yet again, as if he thought all of this out already.

“I’m clearly not welcome.” I whisper, looking ahead. Tears prick my eyes but I will break another ankle before I let Kaz see me cry over him. “And I need to work harder to pay my debt off.”

“Not being welcome never stopped you before.” I glare at him.

“Thanks.”

We walk in silence. Or move at a snails speed. I try to fasten myself, but it seems like I will eat dirt before that happens. Kaz doesn’t seem fazed.

He also doesn’t seem to be limping as much.

We make it away from the docks, and he stops, and I follow suit. I sit down on the ground, breathing heavily. He stares seemingly into the abyss.

“Why do you care about me?” He asks and I scoff.

“Not here to boost your ego, pretty boy.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“It’s not about that.” He responds with sadness in his voice.

“Because you are the first person who cared about me. Even if it was out of kruge. You are the first person who made me feel not small.” I say in one breath as he looks at me, his expression unreadable. “I want you to do that for yourself too. You wont allow anyone else to help you, I want you to help yourself. I want to be here when that happens. I want to make sure you are here to see that happen.”

“Thank you.” He says so quietly I almost don’t catch that.

I smile to the ground until his gloved hand reaches out to me. I take it, standing up. Then the unexpected happens.

Kaz gives me his cane. I stare at it as if it’s a bomb.

“You need it.” I say, but Kaz shakes his head.

“You need it more, Y/N.” When I don’t move, he shoves it in my hand anyway. “I insist.”

I use his cane, wondering if this is the closest I will ever get to him. His cane feels like an extension of him. And he lend it to me.

We make the rest of the way without stopping or talking, once we enter the building a few pairs of eyes shoot to the cane in my hands and to the empty handed Kaz next to me.

Everyone is smarter than to say something, though.

Nina rushes to me, getting me to sit. Then she proceeds to scold me for walking on my hurt ankle. I sit there, apologising and nodding and thanking her as everyone watches us.

I glance at Kaz who is grinning at the sight.

He leaves though, going back to his room. Nina finishes and only then I realize I am still clutching his cane. I excuse myself from her and go up the stairs while grisha stares at me.

My ankle is way better but I’m still limping and she told me to rest.

I don’t bother knocking, I just limp in and he lifts his head from the table, looking at me.

“Your cane.” I say, putting it on the table.

“Oh right.” He says, looking at it. “How’s your leg?”

“Better now. Thank you.” I say, smiling. “And sorry for being a child.”

“I am glad you are like that. Means you are more than just kruge.” I flush. “You are a person.”

“Does that mean when I get better I can climb your wardrobe?” He rolls his eyes, though smiling.

“Fuck off.” I laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

[miraculousrainbow]

Sleeping In The Bathroom Is Better Than Home

Description:

Chat noir cannot stand being at home anymore and by chance stumbles upon Marinette wich turns into an unexpected sleepover

Hurt/comfort

Marichat (can be viewd as romantic or platonic)

Oneshot

Trigger warnings : mention of verbal abuse, mentions of neglect, discussions of bad mental health, bad mental health, insomnia, anxiety, trapping a child mention (ask to tag)

"Im done and sick of it"

He couldnt think straight, he just knew that he needed to get out as fast as he can

Plag popped out in a look of concern but before he could say anything Adrien already climbed out the window and yelled "Plagg claws out" and jumped out

His movement wasent his usual cat like swiftness

It was heavy and frantic

He was stumbling around in the dark and crashing into a wall or a random pole every once in a while but ignoring it as nothing happened and just, keeps going

He was going around blindly

With the only purpose of just, getting away

After a while of hanging about at the dark he calmed down a bit, but he was still fearful

His dad yelling still ringing in his ears and with each sound feeling like another hit

"Ignore it he insisted"

"You are here, you are safe, you are not at home anymore."

"You are safe." he whispered to himself loudly with a bit of a panic in his voice and a desperation to make these words feel true

But it was getting late he knew that soon he will need to go back home but he couldnt bring himself

He would rather sleep outside

"The only problem is that he would be an easy target for hawkmoth or criminals depending on the form"

"Or he could just stay a-"

His thought had been cut mid sentence while he was walking he realised he sees a familiar light and in the light had been basking a familiar figure

"Marinette!" He exclaimed with relief in his voice

"It was nice seeing a friend out here and a light source when everything else seems so dark and bleak and eerily quiet..."

"Chat Noir?" Marinette blinked trying to figure out where the dark ends and where the cat starts

"Its nice to see you" he said with a sheepishly smile

"Is there an akuma" Marinette eyes darted from place to place while her expression seemed so focused she wouldnt miss a fly

"Not tonight princess" he replied feeling a bit guilty he made her worry

A sigh of relief escaped the teen's mouth and her expression softened

And when she looked up to his surprise she looked like she is actually happy to see him

"So what brings you here ~Chat Noir~." she said his superhero name like you would call someone a royalty title jokingly

"Wich... was fair, but! he just hoped she knew every time he called her princess it was full of fondness"

"Oh um, just going for a walk, getting some fresh air"

"At two at night"

"I can ask you the same princess" he stumbled on his words he didnt expect that

"He havent being keeping an eye on the hour"

"He hoped he wasent missing for too long"

"But with his father absence he sometimes thinks he could of being kidnaped by hawkmoth for days and he wouldnt even notice"

"and sometimes he could of just barged into the room out of the blue"

"For ones he hoped for the first one"

Marinette unexpectedly decided to be the first one to break the silence

"Thoughts, just too many thoughts" she replied honestly and wiped her eyes in tiredness and maybe tears

Even though her answer seemed quite generic he recognised the real weight these words hold

"You?" She asked softly in sleepiness

"I just couldnt handle staying there anymore"

He blurted out choking on a bit of tears

"Her honestly just made him feel like he couldnt keep it inside anymore and that he could just share it safely and it will be okay"

"Like he didnt have to keep it down anymore and he really couldnt not like this not when he finally feels safe and the adrenaline from earlier is starting to die out and the tiredness is kicking in"

"Not next to Marinette"

"When she just comes with honestly openness and without anything to hide behind"

"She could of waited a little longer he would have come up with a joke to sweep her off her feet or at least made her laugh thats a win too"

"And just have a normal conversation"

"But she chose openness and he couldnt help, but choose it too"

He was a bit shaking he didnt notice till Marinette put a hand on him "hey, do you wanna go talk inside?"

The cat was frozen in surprise at the sudden touch

but as soon as it went is as soon as it goes

"And I know your identity needs to remain a secret for yours and the safety of your loved ones"

"So tell me just as you can and want of course" she made a serious face in the end but he couldnt ignore how cute it was

He noded thankful and followed her in

"Not surprisingly her room was much warmer than the cold outside"

They set down and Marinette asked while fiddling with her fingers "So, what happened?"

"My dad just yelled at me"

"Again" he rolled his eyes with a snort of someone who learned to turn their anger into despair and nihilistic jokes

"Its or he leaves me alone and neglects me or he yells at me and traps me"

"And in the past it used to be or he neglects me and traps me or he yells at me and traps me"

"But good luck trapping Chat Noir ha ha" he said with exhaustion and finger guns

"Unless you are hawkmoth if he would of being I bet he would have trapped me then too" another bitter laugh escaped his mouth

"What about you?"

"So you know those nights when you try to go to bed and you just lay there but you cant stop thinking and your thought are running and running and you just start shaking and you cant stop and no matter what you cant sleep and you wish so badly you can but you just cant so you stand up cause you cant take it anymore"

She blurted out as well just more in a mini frantic tangent

Instead of a frantic blurt out

"So maybe" she says with a twirl of her hand like she tries to drag the word longer and just not let the sentence end

"Im having one of these nights"

She covered her face with her hand and looked away like she is even ashamed of having a problem

"Wich is super unfair everyone has problems" he scoffed in his head

"And also one thing was made sure by this conversation she was crying earlier"

"Actually yeah" he replied looking up from his knees and surprising them both

"I do get these nights from time to time"

"Now it was his turn to look away"

"Now he is the one feeling shame in having problems"

"Honestly, he thinks it made both of them feel better knowing they are not the only ones even though he and of course Marinette! would never wish this upon each other it was still nice being in the same boat"

"Its exhausting" she exclaimed and looked like she was trying to rest her had on air and getting grumpy each time it doesnt work

Chat tapped to time on his knees to signal that she can use him as a pillow

Marinette without taking a second thought took the invite and settled down

At the moment of contact Chat Noir felt like lightening were running up his spine he just hoped he didnt move

He wasent used to other ppl contact much

And he always withdrew away quite quickly

"Its not that he didnt like others touch"

"Its just that it would always overwhelm him so much"

"And it made him feel like he needed a break but every time he was ready to come back"

"There was nobody left"

"And lets not talk about how it was before school when there was nobody to begin with"

"She looked so comfortable like it was all natural being so close to someone and just putting your head down"

"He wishes he could feel like that too"

"He hopes one day he will"

After a moment of rest and a sigh of relief Marinette asked "So, whats the plan?"

"Kinda how he would of asked his lady on battle he wondered if thats how he looks like"

"Uh, I kinda planned on staying awake outside until I will collapse of exhaustion..."

"Well, thats a horrible plan."

"In retrospect, he agreed but its not like he had any other options" he thought to himself

"The only room with a decent lock is the bathroom but I cant let you sleep in the bathroom!"

"I considered sleeping outside so this sounds much better"

"Chat!" She protested

"Its not like I have any better options" he sighed into his hand

"Okie but Im putting a clock to 5 in the morning so you will be back before anyone notices"

"But then what about you? dont you need any sleep?"

"I dont think I will fall asleep befor 5 am to be honest" she made an awkward laugh in an attempt to make it seem not as bad

"And, having company for a change even if will be a sleeping one soon is nice."

She looked up to him still resting on his lap with a soft smile that looks like it means Im really thankful you are here but you need to go to sleep now

"Marinette I-" he couldnt help but let a sigh of relief escape his mouth "I cant thank you enough"

"Hey what there are partne- pretty good friends for!"

"She started stammering. Now he was sure she was too tired for communication and needed some rest"

"So lets get ready for the sleep part in our kind of spontaneous sleepover!" she said like it was all part of just a regular late night party

He chuckled and replied with a simple sappy "yeah" and he got ready to bed

And in a long time he actually had a good sleep even though it was in the bathroom

The end <3

Update: thank you everyone for the feedback!!!

[winterscaptain]

whole.

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

a/n: this is a little somethin for @icantswimhalp​. i hope it can bring you a little peace and joy!  additionally, we’re celebrating my blog’s 8th birthday this week, so come say hi, drop a line or a request, or generally pester me! here are some prompts if you’d like :) 

rating: g, no warnings apply word count: 1309 (i cant do anything less than a thousand, sue me)

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Open! 

+++

It was an embarrassingly late hour, and you were still tossing and turning. You checked your phone.

3:18am

Goddamn it.

You knew there was only one person who could make you feel better, and he was long asleep (or at least you hoped he was).

Giving in, you dialed the number and held your phone to your ear, your fingers pressed to the bridge of your nose.

“Hotchner,” came the gravelly answer.

“Hi, it’s me.” Your voice was small. “I’m having a really bad night. I can’t sleep.”

You could hear his small smile through the phone. “Come on over.”

A thirty-five-minute drive found you on the Hotchner’s porch, still in your pajamas with your favorite pillow tucked under your arm. You knew better than to knock at this hour, so you sent a text.

Here xo

The door opened only seconds later, and you were greeted by the breathtaking sight of Hotch in his soft grey crew neck and flannel pajama pants. He stepped back and let you into the warm house.

After he closed the door, he gathered you up, your arms slipping around his waist and his around your shoulders. Tucked into him, you could breathe a little easier.

“Can I see him?”

Aaron leaned back and looked into your eyes. The blue light from the windows made his eyes so much darker than they were in the daytime, and his hair was sleep-tousled and soft.

“He’s in his room.”

You left the circle of Aaron’s arms, threw your pillow and phone on the couch, and padded down the hallway. The door was open, the soft yellow cast of Jack’s nightlight falling at your feet. His white noise machine chugged away, underscored by the sound of Jack’s soft breath.

Aaron trailed behind you, giving you the space you needed.

Jack stirred a little when you knelt next to his bed and rested your cheek on his mattress.

It was enough for you to just see him – safe and sleeping – to soothe you. He’d always had that effect on you. The first afternoon you stopped by to help Haley seven months after he was born, Jack captured your heart. You two had only grown closer through the years.

Two brown eyes opened a sliver. A smile crossed his face before his eyes closed again.

“It’s okay, baby,” you whispered.

“Did you have another bad dream?” He whispered back, just as quietly.

“Yeah.” You told him a few months ago, after he experienced his own bought of nightmares, that it was always okay to find people that made you feel better after a bad dream.

He scooted closer to the edge of the bed, eyes still closed, and placed a hand on the side of your head. You were almost nose to nose. A few tears slipped out of your eyes, tracing their way down your cheek and onto his superhero sheets.

You synced your breathing with Jack’s as he fell deeper back into sleep, holding his little hand to your temple.

When you finally stood and made your way to the familiar shadow leaning against the doorframe, it was nearly five in the morning.

Aaron looked a little more awake than when he answered the door, and somehow more at peace. You didn’t see the fondness in his eyes as he watched his son breathe peace into you as he slept, but it was there.

He took your hand and led you to his bedroom. You paused at the door, and your fingers slipped a little from his grasp.

Usually, you landed on the couch in the living room, where Aaron sat with you until you fell asleep. This was new.

“Stay with me tonight,” he said, lacing your fingers together.

“Really?”

He nodded and walked back into the bedroom until his knees hit the edge of the bed. Sitting down, he held on to both of your hands in the space between your bodies.

“I think we’ll both sleep better in here, don’t you?”

A smile threatened at the corners of your mouth. “Aaron Hotchner are you flirting with me?”

He looked up at you through his lashes with a wry smile. “Is it working?”

You stepped forward, laughing lightly and resting between his knees. He brought your hands to his lips and kissed your knuckles. You dropped your cheek to his hair. “How do you do it?”

“Hmm?”

“How do you always manage to make me smile?”

He shrugged. “You’re important to me. You’re important to my son.” He leaned back and captured your eyes. “We love you,” he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

....And there were the tears again.

“Aaron,” you said. There were so many things you wanted to voice, but you settled for the silence.

He released your hands and brushed your tears away with his fingers. You took a step back as he stood, pulling the covers back on the untouched side of the bed.

The sheets were cool and soft as you slid between them. You curled up, facing Aaron’s side of the bed, still rumpled. He stood at his nightstand for a moment, doing something on his phone.

When your phone buzzed on the nightstand behind you, you belatedly realized your head was on your favorite pillow from home and your phone was plugged in and set for the night. You reached for it and saw a text from Aaron.

Aaron 👔 5:06am Late start today, barring urgent case notification. Report at 1pm. Enjoy your morning.

You turned to look at him as he tucked into bed beside you.

“You need your sleep. I made an executive decision,” he said. He smiled at you in the dark. “I also don’t want to face the wrath of my son if we leave for work without having breakfast with him.”

You shuffled closer to him, and he tucked you into his chest. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

His laugh reverberates through you. “Definitely not.”

There’s silence as you both settled against each other - your head pillowed on his arm as it wrapped around your back, legs tangled together, your hand resting on his chest. The clock ticked away on the wall and the whir of Jack’s white noise machine floated down the hall.

It wasn’t as if you and Aaron weren’t physically affectionate with each other – you’d spent many nights with Jack on your lap, the both of you tucked under Aaron’s arm, watching movies. This though? The feeling of his arms around you and the smell of him surrounding you in his bed? It was new, special.

Peaceful. Quiet. Safe.

“Aaron?”

“Mhmm?”

“Thank you.”

He sighed and kissed the top of your head. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always.” You played with the soft fabric of his shirt under your fingers.

“You don’t need the excuse of a sleepless night to come spend time with us, you know. Or even to spend the night.”

You mumbled something that sounded like “Damn profilers” and Aaron laughed quietly.

“I - we,” he amended, “would really like it if you were here more often. As much as you want,” he continued.

Your heart rate picked up, and you were sure he could feel it. “I would really like that, too.”

When you tipped your head up to look at him, you very nearly startled when you saw how close his face was. His eyes were soft as he brushed some hair off your face.

“Can I tell you something?” You asked, echoing his question from earlier.

“Always.”

You smiled as he parroted your words. “You are the only person who can make me feel safe enough to sleep.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and tucked you back under his chin. “Good.”

Your sleep was dreamless, for once, and your heart was whole.

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrry-ixn @agenthotchner @happyhotchner @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @octothorpetopus @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby (hi, new friends!)

send your requests or come say hi!

[humbughana]

Family Affairs

In which Rafe Cameron’s best friend falls apart.

“Lola!” my mother yelled from the door, “Get back here right now!” 

As I walked away I grinned. Away from that house. Away from the emptiness.

A party. That was my destination tonight. Someplace to forget the broken house I came out of and make myself sick with something other than guilt or anger.

“Don't wait up.” I waved behind me as I rounded the sidewalk and away from the house completely. I think I faintly heard the door slam.

The familiar house in the distance was spilling out with teenagers and I could see the red solo cups a mile away. I sighed in relief and made my way towards the house. It was a friend from school, Topper’s house. We were close you could say, I was in their friend group more often than I was with my own these days. Girls were nosy, I realized. Too much talking and heart to hearts I couldn't stomach anymore. 

So I walked into the crowded house alone and grabbed a cup. 

~

“Go away.” I gritted out, smiling up at the boy I was dancing with. Topper stood off to the side with a frown. 

“Lola-” I shot him a look that could kill and surprise took over his face before he shook his head and stalked off. I sighed in relief,

“Your boyfriend?” the stranger I was dancing with asked and squeezing my hips. I shook my head and grinned tilting my head up and pulling him down, placing my lips on his roughly. 

And that's how my night went, jumping from boy to boy, filling up my cup when It got empty, anything to make me feel nothing at all. The alcohol had my body buzzing and my head fuzzy, the hands on my body had my attention and the music filled the rest. 

It was perfect. 

“Follow me.” another mystery boy leaned into my ear, his hand around my waist as he guided me into a side room. I frowned, wanting to go back to the main event but before I could open my mouth to complain he pulled out a little bag filled with a white powder I knew more than enough about. 

“What is this?” I demanded, swaying slightly as he formed four perfect lines. All I could think about was Rafe Cameron. 

I had helped him through his nasty addiction with this stuff. I saw the bad side of the fun drug and I hated it. 

The boy made his way back to me and pulled me towards the table, “Just something to take the edge off baby.” He kissed the side of my neck as he stood behind me, urging me to take the dollar bill in his hand.

“Not interested.” I leaned out of his hold and he scoffed and his hands wrapped around my waist again, pulling me into his chest.

“Come on, don't be a bitch.” I snarled and shoved him away. His hands flew up as he let out a low laugh and shook his head. He rolled up the dollar bill and leaned down and swiftly cleared two lines. I swallowed as he held out the bill in my direction with a taunting smirk. I scowled and snatched it away, the intention to crumble it up and throw it across the empty room.

And that's how Rafe found us.

The rolled up bill in my hand in front of the poison that almost killed him. Two lines missing, the residue betraying me.

It took him a split second to scan the room, from the boy laid out on the chair, to me. His face hardened when he saw what I held and the scene in front of him.

“Let’s go.” Nothing in his tone betrayed his feelings, “Now, Lola.” I dropped the incriminating evidence and followed him, just happy to get back to the normal party. I went to step around Rafe, not having the energy to fight tonight. His hands grabbed me and pushed me into the wall, still out of view before the dying down party. I refused to look at him. Rafe had always been the one I went to for anything. I helped him through his dark times so that promoted us to best friends you could say. He knew everything about me and vice versa. Although I had no intention to tell him what made me numb tonight. My family drama was the last thing on my list for today. 

“Let go.” I gritted out pushing my hands against his chest, my face relieving nothing but annoyance and hate. His hand found my chin and forced my head back and my eyes to meet his. I held his gaze and held my tongue. 

I realized he was scanning my eyes for any signs of the familiar high, “ I didn't do anything.” I spat at him and he loosened his grip for a split second for me to shove us apart. “Leave me alone.” I turned my back on him, not before seeing the confused look on his face.

I knew I was out of line and being a bitch but I didn't care. I was always the one that held it together for everyone else.

So I grabbed another drink. And another.

~

I was totally and completely trashed.

My legs could barely hold me up and my vision was so blurred I was stumbling around the house. I could tell the party was coming to an end since I could easily see the three boys that were watching me, not so discreetly. I rolled my eyes every time I caught one of them. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” I looked up at the first boy I danced with tonight. I didn't catch his name but the opportunity to leave the watchful eyes and not have to go back to my own house was blissful at this moment. So I nodded and his arm went around my shoulders leading me to the door.

“That's enough.” It was Kelce’s turn to step in, “Lola you’re not leaving with him.” 

“Yes, I am.” I slurred and leaned into the boy.

“You don't even know him.”

“So?” 

“Whatever, I’m leaving.” The boy let go of me and stalked off. I stumbled, losing my balance before Kelce held onto me and gently pulled me towards our friends. 

“Seriously?” I whined, “You guys cant leave me alone for one night?” I put my hands on my hips, vaguely hearing how my words ran together. 

“What's wrong with you?” Topper snapped and I smiled.

“Who cares?” 

“You know we do.” He said quietly like I hurt his feelings. I rolled my eyes, “Yeah well I’m not in the mood.” 

“I'm taking you home.” Rafe stood up and pulled his keys out, I opened my mouth but was beaten to it, “You can’t even stand up straight.” he snapped, angry as well. 

Party's over. 

I followed him out, having little options. I had no real intentions of going home tonight.

As he drove closer towards my house visions of today filtered through my head. 

I had gotten home from practice early and found my dad fucking his assistant in our kitchen. The sight of his panicked face passing through my eyes had me squeezing my eyes shut. 

‘Baby, it's not what it looks like’. 

As I had my eyes trained on his 20 something-year-old whore getting dressed with a poorly hidden smile on her flushed face.

‘Please don’t tell your mother yet, he had said frantically I'll tell her myself I promise.’

So I turned around and ran out of the house and straight to the country club where my mother was and cried to her. I told her everything and all she did was pull me away and tell me she already knew. 

She knew.

It was complicated, apparently. 

So I left her there and drove around until night fell, got dressed and left. 

~

I swallowed thickly as we turned down my street. My leg bouncing up and down and my hands shook. 

The car stopped in front of my house. Both parents cars in the driveway as I just stared at the house. I could feel Rafe staring at me, probably waiting for me to get out. 

“What's going on Lo?” Rafe spoke softly in the quiet car as I kept my eyes trained on the house. A light remained on in the kitchen. My vision became blurry and I turned to look at him and shook my head, “I can't go in there.” I pleaded. 

That was all it took and we were driving again. 

I must have dozed off because I woke up to my door opening and hands grabbing me. I jolted awake, gasping in a panic thinking I was at home. 

“Relax,” Rafe undid my seatbelt as I scanned my surroundings. I saw his house and sighed in relief letting him grab me. I could barely keep my eyes open as he climbed up the stairs and laid me into his bed.

~

I woke up staring at a room that wasn't mine. Afraid to get up and have to deal with the hangover that came with my night. I went through the night and remembered most everything. The drinking, boys, drugs. I remember being a bitch to my friends and pushing them all away. I sighed and put my hand on my forehead. I looked at the bedside table and found my phone, seeing 26 missed calls from my mom and multiple texts.

We need to talk, Lola. Please come home.

I’m sorry.

A sickness that had nothing to do with alcohol rose up my throat and I rushed into the bathroom and threw up. I gasped for breath on the cold tiles and felt hands brush my hair back and a voice soothing me.

I don't know when I started crying but what came out at first as silent tears fell into full-blown sobs. Rafe picked me up off the floor and put me back in bed as I continued to cry until I fell back asleep from exhaustion.

When I came around again I heard hushed voices. 

“Her mother is worried.” Rose.

“What's going on?” Rafe was upset.

“It's a family thing, Rafe.” Rose sighed, failing to sound serious and remorse leaked in. Pity.

“Bullshit, she is family.” He snapped, wanting an answer. I squeezed my eyes shut, my back to the door. A part of me wanted Rose to tell him, just so I didn't have to myself.

I heard her sigh, “Her dad has been cheating. She found them yesterday.” 

I zoned out the rest as I processed the sound of someone else verifying the news. She knew.

“Hey,” Rafe sat on the bed next to me and slightly smiled. I looked up at him with what are surely red shot eyes and flushed cheeks. His face fell when my lip started to wobble again and pulled me into his lap and squeezed me.

“Why didn't you tell us?” he asked when I quieted down, “Or me?” 

I shook my head, “I didn't want to talk about it.”

“You’re good to stay here as long as you want.” His hands ran through my hair as I sniffled against his chest. 

“Thank you,” I spoke looking up at him through wet eyelashes. 

“Always.”

[shackermanwrites]

Summary: When everything’s falling apart in your life, and you don’t know what to do anymore, maybe asking the universe for something isn’t a bad idea after all. In which Sol Reader finds herself in another reality after begging the universe for something. Everything is going well not until she was put into Levi’s squad.

A/N: Hi guys! we're finally done with their introduction! the next chapter will contain time skip and we will get to see more Reader and Levi's interaction and developments! Comments, likes, and reblogs are appreciated thank you for reading and i am open for suggestion and recommendations! <33

Chapter 6 -> Chapter 7

Lifetime Masterlist

The pitter pater sound of the rain hitting the roof woke you up in the middle of the night. You could have gotten back to sleep since the cold wind, along with the sound of the rain brings comfort to your body but your mind chooses to be stubborn and doesn’t let you go back to sleep by occupying your head with thoughts.

Rain somehow brings comfort to your body and to your soul, you cant put it into words but rain feels like home to you, if that even makes sense.

You slowly got up from the bed and grabbed your green jacket that was provided by survey corps after graduation. You are glad that its material is thick enough for cold weather and long enough to reach below your knee. It is suitable for winter and cold weather.

You carefully wear it and not bothering to put the belt around the waist since you can just hold it in place when you fold your arms on your chest.

Just what you’ve expected, there’s no one outside the headquarters, and only torches around the halls are the source of light.

The soreness of your feet was finally gone after you took a hot bath and after letting it rest for hours. You were glad that the pain already faded since you don’t want to miss training, and you don’t want to burden Eren since he is the only person who has the time to check up on you, considering that Mikasa, Jean, and Armin are busy just like you are.

Your feet decided to stop at the halls near the bench you always sit in, but since it’s raining, you cannot sit on it. You let out an exhale of disappointment while looking at it.

You were about to head back to your room when your eyes glanced at a faint light inside Levi’s room.

‘Why is he even up at this point?’ you thought to yourself, but then you remembered the pile of papers he was reviewing the whole day. But the idea of him leaving the candle lamp on his desk crossed your mind. With the amount of paper he has in his office, it is no doubt that it can burn the whole building in a blink of an eye.

You walked over to his door and gently knocked with your knuckles allowing only him to hear it. You heard a delicate sound of footsteps coming towards the doorway.

You were greeted by a scent of black tea and fresh lemon-scented soap when he opened the door, but that was nothing compared to a tired-looking Levi right in front of you, dark circles under his eyes, messy locks, and pale complexion.

“What are you doing here?” He casually asked as he looks at you.

“I was just checking, I thought you left your candle lit so I just-“ Shiver ran down your spine as soon as a wave of cold wind run through your body, making you hug yourself even more.

“I'm not an idiot to do that.” He replied while narrowing his eyes at you.

“Right, sorry well I-“ You glanced at his desk and you just know that he is still working on those papers and you feel bad for the man standing in front of you.

The dark circles under his eyes and pale complexion are the result of him staying up all night, but you couldn’t blame him for not getting enough sleep, if you were given a shit ton of paperwork you might as well do them if you have free time till it drives you crazy.

“I uh Captain? Do you need some help with that?” You pointed at his desk making him turn his head around to look.

“You know what, yeah you need help I insist.” You gave him a soft smile hoping that he might approve.

“No, now go to bed and get some sleep brat.” He rolled his eyes at you before attempting to close the door on your face but you were quick enough to block it with your foot.

“I can't sleep anyway so just let me do some Captain.” You softly said hoping that you can persuade him.

Levi stared at you for a good couple of seconds while he contemplates whether he should let you in or not before letting out a sigh of annoyance. He stepped back to let you enter his office.

Without a second thought, you slowly entered the familiar place and stood obediently on the side as you wait for him.

“Take a seat and do tell me why you are still up at this hour.” Not that he cares about you and your business, but as a squad captain, he needs to know since it might be something troubling his squad members. He knows that if one of his squad is not in good shape, it can affect the others that is why he needs to look after each and every one of you.

You took a seat in front of him, your hands rest on your knees as you were afraid to rest it on the table since it is filled with papers and books.

“The rain woke me up and I feel suffocated in my room, I went out for a walk and that’s when I knocked on your door sir.” You confessed to him. There was no point in keeping secrets to your Captain since it was not of a big deal to open up your struggles to others. You don’t see it as a weakness but rather the opposite of it.

Levi hums in reply to your answer as he sit on his chair. You just noticed that he is wearing a casual long thin shirt and pants, with that you remembered that you were only wearing a thin silk nightdress which made you hug yourself even tighter from the embarrassment.

“I assume you know how to write and to read. Here, read the papers and encircle the dates, names, and the sender in each letter. And put your name on top of it so I can identify in the future that you're the one who is responsible for it.” He handed you a pen and the papers you need to look into.

It was an easy job for you, reading and just encircling pieces of information is nothing to you compared to your text books in college.

With that you remembered your other life. You mentally slap yourself for forgetting that you are not in your world and how you choose to ignore your problems in exchange for a new start. You remind yourself to go to the library to find something useful about what was happening to you.

You know that this is not a dream, you have been here for days and you can feel things and see things clearly. At first, time-traveling was the first thing you thought, but then you noticed that you have a life here, if you are right then you jumped into your body but in different dimension but you don’t know how you did it nor how to goback.

You pushed your worries at the back of your head since you don’t want to overthink and have a mental breakdown in the middle of the night, let alone in front of your Captain.

As you started reading the papers, Levi was now the one who were consumed by his thoughts.

Levi clearly isn’t the type of person who butt into people’s business but there was something about you that doesn’t sit right with him, and he intends to know more. He was shocked when you obediently followed every task and command he was given to you. Sure, some people might call you a dog if he says that out loud but not him, you followed him with respect and dedication, you are straightforward and blunt to him, not afraid to say what's on your mind but not to the extent that you are rude to your superiors. Only Hange and Erwin was the only person who talks to him like that and he can't help but admit that you might be put into this to become a leader in the future, and that is something he respects.

“I didn’t know that you came from a wealthy family.” He bluntly said when he noticed the red necklace hanging on your neck that made you caught off guard.

You cock your head up to look at him before opening your mouth

“I didn't.”

Levi didn’t bother to reply and instead he only nod in response to yours before looking away at the ruby on your neck. Levi knows that it is a genuine piece of accessory because he has seen real diamonds back in the underground, not that he’s proud of but he already touched one and has seen it up close. Only a glance since they were stealing it.

“I grew up in an orphanage with Jean and I already have this since I was a child if that’s what you're wondering sir, it was my mom’s.” It may felt a little weird that you need to explain things like this but then again, who would wear something expensive like that when you're just a military personnel.

“I see, so you’ve known that brat Kirstein since forever, so why did the two of you joined military? Right decision would not just live ordinarly.”

“Well, we've thought of that, living inside the walls until we're old or if we found someone whom we would like to marry but it’s not for us.”

You were shocked that he was engaging a conversation first, you would like to ask the same question to him but you don’t want to overstep the line.

The both of you worked in silence after that and only the sound of the rain is the only thing that can be heard. You didn’t engage in a conversation since being there was enough company for the both of you and you figured that the Captain doesn’t like to be interrupted while he’s working.

It was pleasant to your mind.

The silence, the cool breeze of the wind coming from the open window and the presence of Levi felt oddly calm.

-

It has been three hours since you entered Levi’s office and your eyes are starting to feel heavy and sore from reading.

Levi on the other hand, fell asleep on his chair. He told you that he would just take a quick  break for a minute but it has already been an hour and he still hasn’t opened his eyes. You didn’t bother waking him up since you figured that he needed sleep, poor man looks and sounds tired when you asked him some questions regarding the paper you're working on.

You, on the other hand are no doubt burned from working straight all night.

You raised your arms up in the air to stretch your back and body causing it to make a ‘pop’ sound which made you froze for a second before glancing at Levi in front of you.

The peaceful look on his face while his jet black hair naturally falls on the side made you stare at him without you even noticing it. Not to mention his rolled-up sleeves while his arms are folded as his chest slowly rises and falls from breathing.

‘He’s not that bad.’ The inner voice in your head whispered.

You're not going to lie when you felt irritated by him the first you met him, he quickly judged you and he looks at you like you were some kind of a disappointment to him but that changed in a matter of day.

You seriously don't know what the hell is happening but he’s not as bad as you thought he would be.

As your mind accompany you with thoughts, your eyes are slowly giving up from being tired so you placed your arms on his desk and rested your head on it before closing your eyes.

“How do you even keep up with these paper works captain, no wonder you have no patience with us.” You whispered to yourself before you slowly fall asleep.

While you were falling asleep, Levi was already awake from his sleep, if that was even considered a sleep.

Levi was greeted with your tired features while you’re asleep when he opened his eyes. He heard everything you had just said but he pushed it aside to forget about it since he doesn’t know if you're pity or concerned.

The sun is already rising from the sky and some people are starting to wake up to do their tasks. Levi doesn’t have the energy to stand up after a very long day but he doesn’t have a choice.

It was a cold morning and he could drink some tea to refresh his mind and bring warmth to his cold body but he decided to wash up first before he makes some.

Besides, he wouldn’t want you to drink a cold bitter tea.

Funny that almost all people think that Levi doesn’t give two shit about the people around him but he actually does. He respects every person who dedicates their heart to something they want. At first, he doesn’t like the idea of it and he thinks that it’s just a bullshit mindset anyone can have but not until he met Hange and Erwin. Those two helped him not in pity and most definitely not by force but because they want to. They are the person who taught Levi how to write and read when he joined them and they didn’t judge him for his past lifestyle, especially Hange. The woman was loud and full of energy which is the complete opposite of Levi but he was thankful for them, especially at his lowest.

Levi cares for his new squad and for everyone who works hard around him. His past squad was bombed when they went into the north direction of the sea. Levi's special operation squad consists of jobs that an ordinary soldier wouldn't do, which includes going undercover, exploration outside the island for lookout, and handling confidential cases.

It wasn’t easy for Levi to see his squad getting blown and being shot. They were looking out for any ships and boats at that time even though it was dangerous since they are exploring the territory of Marleyan sea.

He doesn’t want history to repeat itself for his new squad.

Soon after Levi got out from the bathroom of his office, he immediately made tea while he dries his hair with a towel. He is not a morning person that is why he isn’t a fan of breakfast.

Levi sat on his desk and carefully placed the two cups filled with black tea in front of him before looking at your sleeping figure. He was thankful for your company and helped yesterday and last night and a cup of tea is his way of saying thank you.

He neatly arranges the papers in front of him to prevent them from getting wet from the tea, just to be sure. Levi noticed that you did more than you were given. In a span of a short time, you finished almost all of his paper works.

“Remind me not to let Hange spend a night with you. Both of you are mad.” He muttered under his breath.”

“Oi Reader, wake up it's already morning.”

Your body and mind were too tired to even open your eyes to the sound of Levi’s voice. You were now awake and slightly conscious of your surroundings, but you choose not to move.

“If you don’t move from your seat, I will personally throw you on the river.” Levi was now pissed. He doesn’t like it when he repeats himself.

You cock your head up to meet his same expressionless stare. You cover your mouth with your hand as you yawn.

“Sorry I fell asleep.” You apologized.

“It's already morning, get back to your room. We have training in two hours so I suggest getting some sleep before that.”

You nod in response before fixing your now messy hair. You felt the pain in your wrist and eyes from overworking yourself, what more later when you went out for training.

“I didn’t know sitting all night doing paperwork can make you feel like shit.” Not that you were engaging in a conversation, you wanted to let him know that you sympathize with him with how draining it is to do that let alone every night.

Levi sips on his tea before opening his mouth. “You insisted on it so deal with it.”

That sounded wrong because he worded it wrong.

He didn’t mean it to sound like a jerk but to you, he sounded like one. Levi mentally curses at himself in his head for putting his thoughts into the wrong word. Not only does he sounds ungrateful it also sounded like he doesn’t care about what you felt, which is the opposite of it.

You on the other hand were clearly mad at his response. Sure, you insisted on helping since it is your job but a simple thank you from him would make your day.

“Yeah, I will.” You coldly said before rolling your eyes at him and storm your way out to his door to leave. You slam his door as loud as you can, not caring if he will get mad at you.

Levi was left in his office irritated and sorry for what he just said. Nonetheless, he ignored what happened and decided to go on with the day and maybe he can talk to you later about it.

“So much for that though last night Sol, not even a ‘oh thank you for helping me last night sol I appreciate it’ geez.” If people can see you right now, they would thought that you're going crazy by talking to yourself and imitating a person by the tone of your voice while you stop your feet hard while walking.

“Damn, who even talks like that?”

You turn your head to the side to see Reiner leaning over a wall while holding a cup in his right hand with a grin on his face.

Reiner was one of the top 10 soldiers in your batch and he is an outstanding person due to his strength and leadership. You only talked to him twice and that was when you became a sparring partner in your training days. Reiner is cool from your perspective and gentleman even in training.

“Oh hey Reiner, sorry about that. Guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” You smiled at him as you walk over closer to him.

“Figured. Why are you even on this side of the building? Visiting Jean?” Reiner asked before sipping on his mug.

“Yeah, something like that, making sure the boys aren’t causing troubles.” You lied. You didn’t want anyone to know that you spend the night at your Captain’s office since it sound so wrong.

“Bet they're a pain in the ass huh.”

“Oh please, Mikasa and I can’t even catch a break.”

The both of you laughed at your conversation. You didn’t know why but you felt shy at just laughing with him.

Reiner stopped laughing when he noticed your Ruby necklace hanging at your neck. He straightens his composure before exchanging his glance at your face and on the jewelry.

“That’s a very pretty necklace Sol, where did you buy it?” Reiner moves a little closer to you to look at the necklace. You heard a small gasp when he got a better view.

“I don’t know, I already have this since I was born.” You simply replied.

Reiner gave you a small smile as he nods at your answer.

You can't blame the people around you for asking about your necklace. It is indeed a pure Ruby and anyone who will meet you for the first time will first notice the necklace rather than your face.

“I see, it's interesting.”

“Well, I gotta go, it was nice seeing you.” You gave Reiner a last smile before marching your way back to your room.

“Sol, wait!”

You turn your head back and saw Reiner running in your direction.

“I was just wondering if, if you would like to grab something to eat sometime.” Reiner wasn’t the only one who was shy at that moment.

He was scratching the back of his head while you look away while biting your lower lip. It's not a bad idea to go out with someone, especially Reiner. He is a good man and not a trouble maker and not to mention, he's very disciplined.

“I'll think about it and ill let you know.” You softly replied before smiling at him again and started to walk away from him. It's not that you don’t want to go out with him and avoid rejection by saying that but you need your friends' opinions first.

-

“I honestly don’t see why not.” Mikasa butt in the conversation while reading a book.

“Yeah just go. If he did something funny to you, Jean and I would kick his ass.”

“Shut up Eren, I can beat his ass alone.”

“Oh yeah, Jean? Why don’t you kiss my ass then?”

“Why don’t you kiss my ass Eren?”

You throw yourself on the couch beside Mikasa while Eren and Jean continue to fight about kissing each other’s ass. You told them the conversation you had with Reiner that morning and they were pretty much supportive about it.

The idea of dating wasn’t a bad idea for you. Spending your days with a person you can lean on and love is something rare to even encounter, but not in these circumstances where you're slowly achieving your dreams, not to mention that you are still confused and know nothing about what's happening.

“But isn’t it weird that Reiner’s suddenly interested in you?” Eren suddenly asked.

The three of them dart their gaze at you to check you out that made you feel a bit uncomfortable and a pinch of insecurities are slowly coming into you.

“Stop looking at me, I'm tired and I don’t need my friends judging me just because someone asked me out geez.”

It was a hot afternoon and you just finished training with them the whole day and all of you are in Levi’s office waiting for him to report and ask for any announcement. You had not seen him in training since there was a meeting he needed to attend to and you're in charge earlier that’s why you're tired physically and mentally because of Jean’s dad jokes while training.

“Eren didn’t mean it like that. We just want to know if he’s worth it.” Mikasa pats your head for assurance before glaring at Eren.

Before you could even talk, the door suddenly opened, revealing Levi in a casual suit. Levi was surprised by all of you in his office since it has been long ever since he had a squad whom he sees after training and the sight of his squad welcoming him after a long day brings a slight joy to him.

All of you stood up and greeted him with a salute.

“All of you look like shit, we’ll train again tomorrow since I was absent earlier.”

Levi proceeds to sit on his desk before looking at everyone in the room.

Especially you.

He did not forget your little chat that morning.

“All of you are dismissed except for Reader, stay for a minute.”

Everyone left the room and only the two of you and the silence were filling the room.

“Listen, about earlier I didn’t mean to come off like that, what I meant was you just-“

“I just need to go through the day since I can.” You cut him off.

And it was indeed what he wanted to say. Levi was surprised that you understood him despite the barrier of his wordings, he was impressed at you.

“It's okay captain, I understood what you meant just a little while ago.” You smiled at him, causing him to look away.

The idea of people understanding him in this kind of situation bothers him since he grew up not being understood because of the lack of communication he has but admit it or not, Levi felt nice knowing someone understands him.

“What’s your deal?” it may be nice for him, the idea of trusting you and you being able to understand him doesn’t sit right for him.

“Excuse me sir?” You let your hands fell on your side while maintaining the broken eye contact.

“I’m sure a strong woman who topped her class wants to be a commander or Captain in the future, don’t get me wrong I'm not labeling you as a captain’s pet, but what do you really want? I'm curious because I don’t get you.”

You thought for a moment about what he said. The truth is you don’t want to lead and you also don’t know what you want in the future.

You thought about what you did wrong that made him feel like you want something just because you were acting like yourself and the idea of Levi thinking that you want something from him that’s why you're being kind to him somewhat brought pain to your heart.

‘What did you have to go through to think like that?’

“I need nothing captain, I just want to do my job so you don’t have to worry about me kissing your ass because I want something in return. I would just like to be there with you and do my job since you trusted me for being your assistant.” Yo genuinely smiled at him to show your sincerity.

But your voice is enough for Levi to know that you are indeed sincere.

“Fine, you are dismissed. Be here in my office early in the morning tomorrow, we need to attend a meeting.”

“Yes sir.” You calmly replied to him.

You looked at him for a second before leaving his office.

You haven’t even known him for that long, yet you do feel some kind of connection.

Maybe it’s because of being not understood and heard, or perhaps it’s the drive to do excellent at your jobs.

Who knows, not even you know, and not even you knows that he felt the same.

And it's eating the both of you.

[cherrysha]

If You Let Me

my stupid ass laptop crashed while writing this so i think that meant i should post it asap. Anyway i rewatched the chimera ant arc and Shoot’s transformation inspired me to make sad smut because yall kno i cant stay away from angst. i hope this hurts in a good way! feel free to tell me ur thoughts and opinions!

Summary: After surviving the Chimera Ants, Shoot comes back into your life after years of being gone, claiming to be a changed man. But you’re tired of being his only when he needs you.

Word count: 2,848

My requests are open atm

Warnings: dubcon, angst, fingering, oral sex

18+ crowd here. No minors should be reading this

You see him there. Standing in front of the store window. He doesn’t do anything, just stares until you notice him before disappearing into the crowded city streets. You can’t help but be shocked. He’d been gone for years, leaving you to wallow in your misery and self doubt.

Four hours left in your shift and you didn’t have to guess where you’d find him. Probably in the same place he always was when he decided to show up again. Every minute you stood there, greeting customers and cleaning up after them you couldn’t help but the think of what you’d actually say to him.

What you wanted was to yell, to scream until your voice left you. Maybe you’d quietly tell him to leave and never come back. But you’d done all of that before. No matter what you had to put your foot down. You shouldn’t have let it continue for so long anyway.

-

Four hours later and your hunch was correct. Door still locked, he sat right at your kitchen table nonchalantly leaning back as if he belonged there. At one point he did, but the memory of it alone is enough to make your chest ache.

“What is it Shoot?” You sigh, dropping your bag and keys on the table. You follow suit, dropping into a chair to sit across from him.

He’s quiet as you sit down, hand fiddling with the material of his shirt. Nervous habit, you knew all too well how hard they were to break.

“Why are you so upset?” And he asks it as if there’s nothing wrong. Like it was normal for him to be here. Your irritation was only growing as you stared at the man in front of you.

“What a stupid question.” You mumble, pulling a cigarette out of the pack in your pocket. Before you have time to react he’s crushing it between his fingers, eyes trained on you while he speaks

“I thought you stopped smoking.” It’s almost a question and his eyes are full of concern.

“Believe it or not, a lot changes when you’re not here. My life keeps moving without you.”

“Ah” he says, as if he’s finally realizing it.

“Do you think I might’ve changed since we last met?” You give him a once over, shaking your head ‘no’ before he continues.

“Maybe you can’t see it.” His eyes are guarded as he waits for your reaction. You know what this is before he even has time to finish. He was trying to sway you, make you believe he was different and let him stay for the night. And in the morning you’d be alone again.

“Ah..” you sigh, mimicking him. With a nod of your head, you pretend to play along.

“How many hours are you going to be a changed man?” You cross your arms “One? Two? Are you going to at least wait until I fall asleep this time?”

He lets out an exasperated sigh, finally letting an emotion play across his face. Irritation. How ironic. “Why do you have to be so -“

“You’re the one who decided to leave, Shoot.”

“And you always let me come back.” he says calmly. “How do you think I feel?” There’s guilt in his eyes, as if he means to say that  he knows the pain he’s caused and that it’s eating him alive. But the way it sounds when it hits your ears is that because you accepted him over and over again, you’ve caused him unnecessary grief. His words are enough to make you overlook the sad expression lingering on his face.

“Oh no... don’t you sit there and try to blame this on me! You left. I didn’t. Don’t make yourself out to be the victim here Shoot! I didn’t fuck up your emotions. That was all you!” There’s a pause as he stares at you. That’s how he always was. Always so composed but you could tell what he was thinking nonetheless.

“That’s not what I was trying to do” and there’s this resolve in his voice, as if he’s accepted the fact that this isn’t going in the direction he wanted it to.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes before responding. “Well, what were you trying to do then?”

And you know the your next words are harsh, but after years of holding your tongue you don’t care to mince your words for his benefit. He pauses to consider your question and that’s when you say it “Or do you not want to talk about it like usual? It’s just too fucking difficult you’re gunna have to run away like you always do, right?”

All he does is grit his teeth. But it’s that reaction alone tells you the most. Like the flip of a switch, anger swallowed any sadness that was left on his face, and that was enough to prove him right. He wasn’t the person who left you all those years ago. You lean back in your chair with a sigh, choosing to ignore the tension in the room and his piercing gaze. No, this wasn’t the same Shoot. he should’ve left by now. But you know old dogs rarely learn new tricks. Just because he learned a new one didn’t mean he was the type of man to stay. He’d proven that time and time again.

“The doors open, Shoot.”

You rub your temples. This exchange has already dragged on far too long and the exhaustion you felt earlier from work was slowly returning to you.

He chuckles, it’s something dark and it makes your eyes snap open to look at him. He looks relaxed, like he’d finally gotten what he came for. But there’s tension hidden in his body. The loose fabric of his clothes couldn’t hide that.

“You always liked to hear yourself talk.”

And he says it as if he hasn’t been gone for years. Says it like you’re willing to concede if he just pushes hard enough. If he pressed the right buttons. It makes your stomach turn. Not again. You were done with this game.

“Yeah and look what good that did me.” You counter his laugh with a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. “All that begging and I still ended up alone.”

You get up before you have time to see his reaction. it’s over, you shouldn’t care about the sting your words would leave him with. Slowly you move behind him to the balcony, letting your arms hold you tight, as if to keep yourself from falling apart.

You were too tired to be angry, too exhausted to bicker with him much longer. Yes, you loved him. Loved him since you were kids and that’s why you knew better than anyone that his word meant nothing. He was a man of inaction, it was in his nature to flee at the first sign of a fight. And after all these years, you loved him even though he was nothing but a coward.

You could give in tonight and wake up with an empty bed in the morning, or save yourself the heartache and make him leave right now.

The view on the balcony wasn’t bad for how cheap this place was. City stretched before you, lights and people converging as if it was just one giant organism. The sun was setting but, in a place like this there was rarely any peace. People scurried like ants, darting around as they quickly made their way home, to work, to restaurants and clubs. This big city with all these people and he still managed to find the one he was looking for. All so he could satisfy his guilt while paying no mind to how you felt. Yeah, It was time.

“The door, Shoot. It was nice catching up but I have work in the morning.” It’s quiet but you know he’s heard you.

There’s some shuffling as he gets up and you don’t let yourself turn around to see him leave again. You know what it looks like and you know the emotion that would climb it’s way out of your chest if you saw it one more time.

What you don’t expect is the feeling of his chest pressing against your back. The warmth there enough to make you release a quiet gasp. You were almost positive he would’ve taken the opportunity to leave. His arm pulls you closer as the words leave his lips.

“I’m sorry”

“I’ve heard it.” You snap, willing the anger and frustration back down your throat. “I’ve heard the ‘I love you’s and the promises to change before, Shoot. I’ve heard it all.” You can’t help it when your voice cracks, or the tears that start sliding down your face.

“Just save it and leave. Don’t make it even harder for me.”

He turns you around and he’s wearing this expression you haven’t seen on him before. You’d call it determination, that was the only thing you could describe it as, but there was something else there too.

His movements are slow and you can already tell where this is headed. In a few moments his lips are on yours, fingers tight against your chin holding you in place. You try to fight it, try to pull away but he can tell that the effort is half hearted and it only spurs him on even more. If you truly didn’t want it you would’ve stopped him earlier.

After a few seconds you give in to the taste of his mouth mixed with tears. It’s warm, it’s familiar and you can’t help but lean into it. You know it’s wrong but it’s too late to stop. When he finally lets you go you’ve shattered in his grasp. Resolve broken, there’s nothing left to hold back the flood of emotion that’s built up inside of you for years.

“I hate you!” You scream. And you hope beyond anything that the same man who would leave is still in there. You could pick up the pieces later but if he stayed it’d only be worse once he was gone. You try to push him away, tears soaking your shirt as you shove against his unforgiving chest.

“I hate you.. I hate you.” The words slowly fizzle into sobs that wrack through your body. Shoot only pulls you closer, arm coming to fit snug against your waist.

“I’m not leaving, y/n. Huh? Look at me. I’m not leaving.”

You can barely see through the tears flooding your eyes but it’s there. That resoluteness etched deep within the lines of his face. You prayed it was deep enough for him to have changed, you prayed it was shallow enough for him to leave for the final time and spare the ache in your heart. You prayed to be free of this cycle.

You lean into his chest, immediately soaking the fabric there. Your voice is a whisper when you finally speak again.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to.” He whispers, ”Just give me a chance to prove it.”

You don’t speak, don’t react as he lifts you up and carries you inside. How long has it been since he was here? In your apartment? Your bedroom? You don’t remember, but it feels like a thousand lifetimes ago.

Soft kisses litter your pliant body as soon as he lays you on the bed. It’s different than the usual way he’s done it. Something tender flows through him and into you with each press of his mouth. Maybe he can sense that you’ve given up. It didn’t matter how hard you tried to fight it, you always ended up underneath him.

But there’s something so guilt free about the way he undresses you, lays you before him and gives a kiss to your mound. his touch is far sweeter than what you’ve come to expect. Before, he’d rush quickly through the act to outrun the guilt that slowly built up inside of him. But now, he takes his time, savoring every minute he can as his mouth sucks bruises into your hips. your thighs. There’s a tender moment before he buries his face between your them, quickly licking a stripe up your center before stopping to suck on your sensitive clit. Once he has a taste he can’t stop himself from taking what he came for. He doesn’t have the patience to.

Whimpers mix with the sobs that leave your throat. You could never help the way your body responded to his touch, couldn’t help the way slick dripped down your thighs at the mere thought of his mouth on you. And he doesn’t let any of it go to waste, lapping up everything you have to offer him. He’s starved, and now was his chance to have as much as he wanted.

He had been selfish, he knew that. But as much as he was giving right now he was aware of how much he was taking. This was no different. Your body underneath his. Legs tight around him as he ate his fill and then some, not stopping when you arched against him. A broken wail leaves your throat. No, he was still selfish. He needed all of you, every last drop.

There’s no break, no rest as he pushes you over the edge. You can tell he’s not trying to make up for lost time. He couldn’t change the past or the mistakes he’d made along the way. It wasn’t guilt either. No sadness in his face or in his movements against you. It was a desperate need that drove him, nothing more. You’d never seen this much of him. Still fully clothed, he left his heart lying naked on the sheets for you to see. It’s so overwhelming that it makes your head spin. Coupled with the orgasm still rushing through your body, it was enough to make you go limp beneath him. Before you know it, he’s lifting his mouth off of you, giving you respite from the pleasure for only a few seconds. Shoot kneels between your open legs as he deftly pushes two fingers deep within your cunt.

It’s indescribable. You hadn’t felt this good in such a long time, the pleasure of your last orgasm still so fresh that his thumb moving against your clit bordered on painful.

“I love you” and he says it like it’s not a mere feeling, but an absolute fact. His eyes bore into you, stern expression on his face as he fucks his digits in and out of your soaked core. He feels it. The clench around him as he says it. There’s no denying what his words are doing.

“Stop it Shoot.” The tears come back again with a vengeance as you cover your face with your arm. He speeds up, thumb brushing quicker at the bud hidden between your folds.

“I love you y/n”  and there’s this conviction in his voice you can’t ignore. But you know better. Sobs shake your body as you clench tight around him again. If he kept it up you weren’t going to last very long.

He’s moving, determined expression still on his face as he kisses his way up your stomach to your chest, nipping at a pert nipple before giving the same attention to the other. His lips are on your neck, sucking and biting dark bruises into your sensitive skin.

“You don’t have to say it. You’ve done enough for me sweetheart.”

His warm mouth presses against the hollow of your neck before continuing.

“Just come for me okay?”

You can’t help but to obey. You whine as your body tightens around him before it suddenly lets go. All the pain, the hurt, the betrayal is forgotten as he works his tongue into your mouth, taking every noise you make for himself. It’s mind numbing and the wind is knocked from you at the sheer force of it. You move your arm to fist the sheets underneath you, an electric current still pulsing through your veins as he stills his digits inside and switches to just lazily rubbing your clit in circles.

Shoot watches with rapture at the pleasure on your face, eyes red with tears and lips swollen from his mouth. He wanted more. Wanted to take everything you could give him and then some. To make you cry with pleasure as he pushed your body to it’s limits. But this night wasn’t for him and he was aware that you had given everything you could. It wasn’t about what he wanted. So he pulls his fingers out and undresses, shushing you when you start to tell him you can’t, your too tired. “I don’t want that” he whispers.

He crawls in bed next to you, holding your naked body close as he places kisses to your neck. your breathing evens out and you fall asleep much quicker than he expected. but it was okay. In the morning he’d be there. He’d prove himself to you and would take whatever you were willing to give afterwards

[p1nkwitch]

✓ and # with Edith and Jonah!

✓: waking up either adorably confused or painfully scared

#: shaky hands

I'm going to use the Edith from the world turned upside down fic mixed with a mother’s love, i hope you don't mind!

Edith loves her child, her little miracle is the one thing that she can safely say that she loves more than anything in this world.

A new life, a new shot of keeping her son safe, this time for real. When her husband… Well, when he can't deal with her precious Jonah due to remembering their first life, she leaves, she ends things, picks up her child and goes.

James and her talk, of course they do, she did love him, but this time she wanted to keep Jonah safe and happy. So breaking up was for the best. To give him a happy childhood, his ex husband was ok with not interacting with him, even if… her boy wondered why his dad did not come to see him for his birthdays or special occasions.

And it broke her heart, but they both knew he could not deal with him and she did not want him to hurt the boy in any way. So they kept their agreement.

And things are well, they are ok for a long, long time. Her boy is happy, has Barnabas and Jonathan as friends and the three seem inseparable. Edith is just glad that everything is finally well, that this time their lives can be better.

However…

It seems that the world likes to prove her wrong, likes to make her worry.

His son’s friends suddenly dislike him and she thinks about it, has an inkling as to why, that she does not want to consider. Because that means that maybe one day Jonah will recall too and she doesn't know what to do then.

He is unhappy and she knows, but she can't get him new friends, can't explain why they were mad at him without giving more about a life that was. So she keeps an eye on him and hopes for the best.

The best comes, with one Peter Fairchild whom her son suddenly starts to talk about a lot, how quiet and annoying he is, how he never seems to talk with anyone-

Jonah talks about him like a puzzle piece and slowly it turns into him speaking about him far more nicely, how he brings him cookies, how he makes funny comments under his breath-

It makes her unbelievably fond of this boy for bringing her son his joy back. That's why she makes such an effort when he invites him for a sleepover, her Jonah was nervous and she wanted to help.

The boy is a delight and she can see Jonah look at him with a smile and laugh at his antics, it warms her heart, but also… something sort of tries to click on her brain, something she was missing.

She recalled very little of her time after her “death” but… she thinks Jonah came to talk to her grave and he… brought someone along too. She just can't remember much of it. Too weak and hungry for her childs terror of the end.

Things go well, until-

Jonah becomes ill, so, so ill all of a sudden. It reminds her too much of when he fell to the lake and that awful winter, it brings her to tears. He is in bed shaking, pale and out of it. The doctors said that he will be fine, that is not deadly-

But she fears.

She fears and ponders about sacrifices, about keeping her child alive again. Makes the calculations about their neighbours and their kids and waits to see spiders, to see them lead her to the place she needs to go.

Edith will not lose him, never. She will do whatever is necessary to keep her son alive. Whatever sacrifice must be done to achieve it she will do it.

Her hands shake a lot, but she keeps him close and sings the lullaby she sang to him all those years ago, praying its enough, hoping that nothing bad will happen to him. She brushes his sweaty hair away and hears him mumble that he doesn't want to die, the pure ache at hearing him say that makes her shed her own tears.

“No, no you will be fine my little dragon, i swear, i will protect you this time”

He curls up around her and she weeps again for her child, wanting nothing more than to keep him safe and happy.

Jonah wakes up for moments, but he is very out of it, the confused face makes her want to wrap him up in blankets and never let anything bad happen to him.

“Mom, mom im sorry, please im so sorry-”

“Shhh, there is nothing to be sorry about dear” Yet he keeps saying it and she talks to him, tells him stories to keep him preoccupied. Those seem to calm him down enough, she knows he is not really listening, but his cute little face pokes out of the sheets and looks at her mesmerized and its enough.

Enough for now to keep him away from whatever terrible things haunt him in his sleepy hours. His hands reach out to her and hold her own while brushing his little fingers softly on her.

“I'm sorry, you are very pretty mom” She smiles albeit confusedly at him.

“Thank you?”

“Mm sorry i get mad when people say i look too much like you… you are pretty and nice” Her heart is being squeezed and she imagines another life, where she can see those words haunting the boy.

“Its ok my little prince, you are very handsome” He makes a few nonsensical sounds.

“Pretty and nice and you love me lots, I love you mom, I'm sorry I'm not good…” She kisses his forehead.

“Oh Jonah you are everything I have ever wanted, my little firebug I love you, you are so good. And even if you weren't… i'm not that good either, i would love you no matter what” Her boy squeezes her hand and she lays next to him while holding him close.

“Sleep ok? I will be here, always” He nods and she ignores any wet spots on her neck, she merely draws shapes on his back and hums along until his breathing slows down and he sleeps.

Edith is not a good person, not by a long shot. She is aware that she would hurt people for her child, is willing to do it. How silly of her boy to think that she was ever good.

It breaks, the illness that is, she was relieved, so so, relieved.

However the worst is yet to come.

Jonah starts to act more irrational, twitchy, closed off, quiet-

She doesn't know what to do, he also eats so little it makes her fearful of watching him waste away. Peter seems to be doing his best to keep him company, whenever she asks. He looks sort of sad, but says that the boy shares his food with him and sticks around all the time. That at the very least lets her know that someone is looking over him.

Then he comes back one day from his sleepover without saying a word and everything goes downhill.

He is at the hospital, refusing to speak, to explain himself-

He is a shadow of her bright curious child and it makes her mad, at whatever force there is out there that caused this, that caused him to be like this. Was it her? Did she do something? His teachers, classmates-

Peter doesn't know, she asks him once when he comes to wait and that-

That also makes her sad, because Jonah rejects him yet the boy comes back every day, sits and waits for the moment he will say yes.

The name Peter sounds more familiar and the niggling sensation of knowing him comes back.

Still his little face shows guilt and fear and she wants to shake him for answers, but she takes a breath and smiles at him. He is just as worried as her.

She thinks she will kill Mister Sims and his partner, she very much wants to. For now she has to conform with a punch in the face. Still she will get their downfall one way or another.

….

Jonah wakes up.

Confused and… he doesn't know, her son who remembered his life doesn't know anymore. She is between sad and happy that he can let it go, if that's what caused him all this pain.

Still she chooses to lay in the hospital bed next to him, while he looks confused, sad and scared. That makes her brush his hair out of his face and reassures him with whispered words about everything going to be better from now on, that she will be there always.

Jonah looks at her with bleary eyes, still more or less out of it, but its ok, her little gift will be ok now. His face scrunches up adorably and she pokes his nose. She missed this, missed him.

“Mom?” He is still sleepy and she won't begrudge him that.

“Yes firebug?”

“I love you” Her heart swells and she scoops him closer to her holding him while he cries against her again. She will protect his tiny life with her dying breath.

Edith Lenore Magnus loves her son with her whole heart.

He lets the tears fall, a last cleansing of a life that was and he cant recall anymore.

She hums and he sniffles before wiping his tears and letting her calm him down until he falls asleep between her arms.

Peter Lukas.

That was it.

Jonah had called him his husband while she was in her coffin, she remembers now.

She sees the two of them sleeping, while cuddling on the couch, and thinks that she would love to finally be able to be at his wedding this time around.

The boy has proven to love her son so much it's astounding. Even if Simon says that their relationship was rather torrid most of the time, he can see this time around they were far better with each other.

She agrees and hopes this is a better life for all of them.

She sees a spider on the wall and ponders, ultimately she picks up a piece of paper and the arachnid walks on it camly while she sets it free outside.

Perhaps the first time around it was a manipulation, maybe it still is, but the spiders had helped her along to keep her Jonah alive in both lives.

She will not begrudge them at all.