#the woes of being physically disabled

[radiotow3r]

So, I'm going to an amusement park with some of my friends from high school next week. As many of you know, I am disabled and use crutches to walk. However, I will be staying ALL DAY, from open to close. As much as my crutches help with my mobility, they don't if I'm going to still be walking for 9 hours.

So I've made the decision to rent a wheelchair from the park. I will update this post after the trip talking about my experience. Hopefully, all goes well and I'll enjoy my day without having my disability get in the way.

If any other disabled folk would like to keep up with this to have a first-hand account of the accessibility in the park, it's Kennywood located in West Mifflin, Pennsylvania.

[radiotow3r]

literally all of this except the fibro....for now

growing up I always wanted to be poorly understood by science

[badolmen]

Wrote out a big long phone call rant to have with my mother later because as much as I hate it she is my closest irl spiritual confidant 👍 here’s hoping her response to ‘hey I’ve been spiritually depressed and disconnected for like 8 months and for some reason these last two weeks advocating for Palestine has me feeling alive and burning with divine passion and love in a way I’ve never felt before in my life’ isn’t like. ‘Talk to your psyche abt your meds hun’

[bookalicent]

ik it's been said but being medicated is just such a wild feeling. like i have adhd and just got recently put on adderall and being able to sense the difference of my thoughts is such a weird feeling. like ik when it hits and i can tell when it's wearing off. but also it just really reminds me of the fact i do have a mental disorder that actually affects me and isn't just "laziness and forgetfulness"

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

nothing sucks more than being made to apply for the 20 jobs/100 points a month for centrelink and they STILL havent paid you for the last month. and also pretending to do applications for jobs that you know you wont get.... bc still, after your past year's job experience, NO ONE wants to hire you. fucking hate job hunting man.

[ellzilla]

Eternal woe that is people being surprised I'm disabled bc I mask so well online and at irl events so that when I do act autistic or can't do a physical activity, I'm either called immature/ridiculous or lazy and a slob wa!

[crisiscutie]

Outlaw Biker AU Thought/Scenario

(Based on the proposal here and the poll done by @rottenpumpkin13) A rough headcanon outline of how I think a bank heist would go with the five SOLDIER boyos and their darling. Bunch of rambling rubberish under the cut. Read the proposal for context.

The One Winged Angels MC found themselves in a dire situation when their Club Founder, Rufus, was found guilty of money laundering and other charges, resulting in a severe lack of funds and the MC losing its defense from police interference.

Rufus was sentenced to several years in prison. Who knows if he'd ever be a free man again. At least he didn't sell out the MC.

As a result, Vice President Genesis has successfully talked the morally upright Angeal into conducting a heist on a grand bank in Midgar.

Going on the job with them will be Cloud, Zack, Sephiroth and The Darling. It will be a stealth heist and will be done with the utmost caution to ensure minimal attention, as it has to be done in broad daylight. There shouldn't be too many people at the bank on that specific day, anyway.

During the heist, things were going well at first. Alarms in the bank were secretly disabled before the arrival of the crew.

Darling and Zack worked together to soothe Cloud's worries, since it was his first big score. It's a bit much for a newbie like him, but he's gotta learn one day, right?

The crew was forced to make themselves known when a security guard got snippy with Genesis and got on his nerves. So the stealth heist became a loud one.

Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth sought the money and jewels from the most secure vaults in the lower levels of the bank, eliminating any resisting guards along the way. Meanwhile, Cloud, Zack and Darling were tasked with controlling the crowd, with Darling acting as the lookout for police.

Things took a turn for the worse when Zack became overly friendly with his captives on one side of the room, and Cloud was increasingly uneasy with even the smallest of movements from his captives on his side.

Meanwhile, some guards fighting three boys in the vaults surrendered to them, but Genesis ends up killing them anyway because they recognized his identity.

He and Angeal argued vehemently, and Sephiroth barely noticed it, as his attention was solely on the mission.

On the ground level, Cloud and Zack became too distracted. Which lead to the hostages calling the cops, who arrived at the scene shortly thereafter.

Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth rushed out of the vaults to the sounds of shouting, screaming and clashing weapons, as their younger peers fought off the police.

Upon the darling being shot by a policeman, thus her sustaining a severe injury, the situation became grave for the crew members.

Cloud's rage boiled over when he saw the state of the darling, his thoughts turning to the time Tifa was wounded in a shooting that happened in their village. The other boys soon joined him, their rage contained, but just as menacing.

Zack was able to calm him down and eventually the crew were successful in creating a passageway and escaping.

The score resulted in a success. The darling, although she needed to recover in bed for a while, ended up being fine.

While the darling was recovering, the five boys were especially attentive, constantly checking on her and tending to her needs.

Zack coming by to tell her of all of his dreams and jokes from his runs that day. And he would assist in her physical therapy by having her do squats with him.

Angeal pulling up a chair to her bed, so they can vent to each other; mostly them having good laughs over their woes of having to babysit a club full of hot-blooded idiots.

Genesis and her eagerly watching through several seasons of the LOVELESS tv show based on the play. It's so bad that they hate it but think it's funny to watch it to tear it apart.

Sephiroth coming by to simply hear her voice and get cuddles maybe. Many times, they shared a quiet moment of affection, the only sound being the beating of their hearts.

Cloud showed his face around the darling of the least; He still asks about her and brings her stuff if others can't. He felt a deep pang of shame for not being able to protect her and for almost ruining the score.

Darling would have to ask him to come to her. She would comfort him during their conversations, letting him know it wasn't his fault that she got shot and that his impressive skills had saved her life, actually.

Despite the lingering uncertainty in his mind, Cloud was deeply moved by the darling's tenderness and reassuring words, and he vowed to never stop giving the scores his all.

You don't mess with anyone in the MC. You especially don't mess with The Darling (for obv reasons) and Cloud (Because he is a precious newbie baby that needs lots of love and reassurance).

[brionnnne]

I do not like the way my empathy manifests. It's low in some ways, and it always has been, but sometimes my empathetic response is to turn away because it's hard. Genuinely, it is overwhelming and it tires me out, and I want to help, but the worse my ability is to help, the more I feel like I can't do anything, and I don't want to be all "oh, woe is me," so I won't. It isn't that I'm not capable, exactly. It's only that I do not feel capable.

I want to combat the part of me struggles to face hardship and gets compassion fatigue, but I don't really know if I can, let alone how.

This is complex, and I'm really just talking to talk. Not complaining. It's going to sound blunt or be misread, maybe, because tone has always been an issue. Just be mindful.

People always say "do what you can," but I struggle regardless, because I want to do more than that. I want to help directly. The fact that I can't manage because I'm not working and not even able to work is genuinely terrible. It makes me feel like a bad person constantly, and I don't want to believe that I am, but it seems people worse off than me, mentally, physically, in a worse place in life, can handle it constantly, sharing and engaging in activism, meanwhile my fuse has always been so short and my energy keeps running out, and this is seen as bad inherently, and often, like I need to struggle more to justify it, or if I had a job, people would understand my low energy.

They need me to justify it to them, and I'm trying for myself, but I feel like I'm failing more often than not, burning out almost completely, if I haven't already done so.

I really admire people who are constantly able to push and be active. I don't feel kind so often because I can't. I hardly even feel moral or good because of the ways my disability inpacts me, even if I care deeply about justice and reason and human rights.

That's a bit of why I've been less active, too. I'm not even opening messages. I'm just trying to recover. I hate how that feels entitled, though, like how dare you!? When people are struggling!? It's the same feeling of "Why won't you eat your leftovers. There are people starving in Africa."

The idea I should be grateful because other people have it worse. I already know they do, and that's why I'm struggling. Like why can't we all get it better? Why does it have to be this way? I wish I knew how to handle anything sometimes instead of shutting down. I wish I could see compassion in that, too, so I could better recover and be bolstered instead of people wanting more, expecting more, for an excuse or a reason I don't have. Except being disabled is the reason. And I wish it didn't feel personal, sometimes, as if I'm hated just for that. But I know that's not quite right, and I know it's not rational to think like that, either, but it's so hard to work out the kinks, the ways I've been treated, and in my day to day life, as things get worse around me, these expectations just build and it worsens everything. It's like people want absolutes so badly, but I can't handle anything. I think I'm just melting down under that pressure.

Anyway. I just wanted to talk. I feel like I should be able to handle things better, but there's not much space given for rest or recovery, and without resources for myself, and the demand for me to find a way, preferably as soon as possible, with the inability for me to work normally, it's just.

So much I can't control, and the upset over what I can't control making it that much worse. I'm trying to recover from hearing that all my life, but I'm still in a situation where I'm being fed this, that my inability to control these things is bad. Trying to break things down while they're being reinforced.

God. What a mess... I mean, I'll manage. Maybe. But Christ. It shouldn't be this hard to just exist. It shouldn't be that hard on anyone. Let alone people who are worse off.

[horizon-verizon]

The way Cassandra Baratheon was the same kind of stepmother to Jaehaera that Alicent was to Rhaenyra, GRRM had no chill lmao.

“Lady Cassandra had been briefly bethrothed to King Aegon II [...] and bitterly resented having to care for the weepy, feeble-witted child queen whom she blamed for all her woes.”

Cassandra is a kind of precursor to another Alicent figure in that she probably didn't want to stay serving a girl who she at one point was going to become stepmother to/become a queen consort. And we're clued in on it by what the text says about her when her mother sent her & her sisters to KL for their mother's capitulation to Corlys' terms ("The Hour of the Wolf"):

It's also important to remember that Cassandra was:

around 15-17 here, since Aemond appears to marry a Baratheon girl in the events before the war and the note is that all the girls were not in their majority (16) yet AND the war lasted a little over a year

also sent to KL to be a hostage/representative of the Baratheons along with her sisters in response to Corlys' peace terms not long after Aegon was killed and not long after Cregan appeared (even with her grandfather, LAdy Elenda's father, there to supervise, how much supervising is this old man doing over Cassandra? Men aren't taksed with suepricing ladies and they will not notive/take preciutions where a septa or an older lady might Esp since she still ends up being seduced by Mervyn Flowers?)

also expected to be the heir to a large household, similar to Rhaenyra

had no hand in deciding any of such things above for herself as far as it's told in the OG telling

This girl was not "prepared" to become any sort of "mother figure" to a girl like Jaehaera without the trappings of actually becoming a stepmother to her, and a queen. Unlike Alicent & like Rhaenyra, she doesn't ever get to be a queen. Like Alicent, she shows resentment (or possible does so) to the more vulnerable party between the 2. It's an interesting reprisal of Alicent-Rhaenyra's states of social privilege GRRM does here. Still, there are also a few things about Cassandra that are reminiscent of how vulnerable girls/women are in such a patriarchal setting.

The quote you pull up says:

Disappointment had turned her sour, her detractors said; once her father’s heir at Storm’s End, she found herself of little account in King’s Landing, and bitterly resented having to care for the weepy, feeble-witted child queen whom she blamed for all her woes.

This moment is before the silent siege when Cassandra is revealed to be a participant in the plot to force Aegon to capitulate to (Unwin Peake) rebelling men's demands. The context of the quote is a discussion of who would have likely killed a severely mentally disabled 8-year-old. Nothing ever came forth as proof of Cassandra actually killing or willing to physically harm Jaehaera, even if it was just at a cost to herself and there had been no outside influence/goading. This was a possibility brought up bc such a motive couldn't be ignored--doesn't make it true with no strong suggestive proof of her actions that show willingness, again, to physically harm the princess. But it's still a possibility, not an undoubtable fact that she was willing to hurt Jaehaera this way.

While intriguing the likeliest suspect, to me, is Unwin Peake & I don't want to hang Cassandra by her thumbs more than any of those "detractors" who might simply want to get rid of her Baratheon presence from the court. Not totally without merit as the Baratheons has been the blacks enemies during the last war & Cassandra was about to become queen through Aegon's mother's killer, but:

Lady Elenda, Cassandra's mother, is the real agent with the power to seek out revenge. Not Cassandra. And all her mother's actions--PLUS how she clearly didn't/wouldn't want her infant son Olyver to be lost in any altercation for a revenge mission she actually seems to have no interest in taking--show that if any person were Swanting Cassandra out of court for a claim of fear of her going out of her isolated self's way to hurt Aegon/Jaehaera and not expect fallback; there actually was no real fear of such happening, which would bring up either a prejudice against the Barathosn Fromm said "detractors" or them merely wanting to feel as if they were getting rid of future competition to their own influence over Aegon or recieving poltical favors from Aegon

motive =/= proof of the accused crime nor does it always lead to inconvertible truth of a specific story told from it)

And (jic) while Cassandra is revealed to have been involved in the secret siege through her being used by Mervyn Flowers' manipulating her later on, we also don't really know if she had been "in" with Unwin Peake and his gang all the back then when Jaehaera was still alive nor whether her frustrations transferred into her despite Daenaera It's possible that after Jaehaera died, she was less angry but still a little frustrated.

As for Daenara and the silent siege, it's unclear which had the most influence or gave her the most motivation to be part of that group: Mervyn Flower's manipulation or her own frustrations of losing out on being queen. Perhaps her frustrations made her more amenable to the attentions of a bastard, handsome knight like Flowers & then she slid into a situation that she couldn't feel her way out of, got too scared to really report those around her, was intimidated into silence, and in the end, broke down being questioned.

How much did Mervyn tell her and how did they get together? Did either go to the other with complaints abt how Daenaera didn't deserve her position/Aegon didn't and Mervyn vaguely offered her a way to "get back" at either Aegon/Daenarea/both? How much did she know she was getting into?

Was she actually "sour" enough for manslaughter/homicide like Lucinda Penrose was for her lost marriage prospects (her nose had been slit during the preparations of the Maiden's Ball)? Not being queen vs not having any good marriage prospects are two different things, and yes these are two different girls, but this is also worth considering. Seeing how we still do not have that much info about their unique histories, lives & personalities. We don't know bc they didn't investigate that/we're not allowed in.

[radiotow3r]

day 2 of the tdsmp, i have full diamond, half a starter base, and no horse.

16 hours total <3

i also fell asleep twice while on vc

heres some photos!

starter base, rest of the base, and the fact that i live on top of a chunk error <3

[that-disabled-princess]

I'm stuck with a brace on the wrist of my dominant hand because I've been pushing myself too hard, and being a physically disabled artist with ADHD is never fun, so! Since I am bored, have a lil thing of me (once again) taking the Artist Woes out on Ethari.

Ethari is making Rayla lunch when his wrist starts acting up. He doesn't think much of it because he has work to get back to. But later that evening, the soreness still hasn't gone away.

The next morning, it's feeling a little better. Good! He's behind on work because his wrist was being a pain the day before. So he throws himself back into his work, barely coming up for air between being behind on commissions and the Hyperfocusing.

As he's putting things away for the night, his wrist starts hurting worse than it did the night before. But never mind that, he has a daughter to tuck into bed and then a husband to cuddle.

Ethari continues to ignore his worsening wrist--and eventually, elbow--pain and continues throwing himself into his work. His wrist has been setting him back, but he's almost caught up... until Runaan can't take it anymore.

Noticing the signs of both a burnout and an injury, Runaan forces his husband to take care of himself. He has Ethari put on one of the wrist braces he has (that Ethari made Runaan himself), makes Ethari tea, and brings Ethari things to do that don't require his dominant hand.

Ethari is exhausted, but he's also bored. He is so, so bored. If he doesn't have Runaan's brace on, he's icing his wrist, sleeping, or showering. If he isn't sitting doing nothing, he's pacing.

After a couple days, he just needs to do something.

So he just starts following Runaan around and watching him lovingly because there's no better thing to do when you're sick than be bisexual for your husband.

[badolmen]

When I say “take heart and have hope” I don’t mean you should collapse to your knees with a demure plea to the heavens. You aren’t a painting of a tearful Saint long ascended. You are a Saint living now. Pick up the sword of Joan, the shield of George. Charge into the fires of hell unflinching, as you are already burning in your conviction that these crimes against the innocent and oppressed and poor will not go unheard or unseen or unpunished. By your hand or another’s there will be justice in this life or the next. Get off your knees and stand shoulder to shoulder with your brothers and sisters, lest you drown in the tide of despair.

Take heart and have hope.

[ghul-wein]

<- Has been overcome with emotions for the better part of however log bc it found not only others in the fandom who give the Ghouls disabilities, but also does agere things so having these feelings/ideas @ all feels less small..and had the realization that just because the Ghouls aren’t human doesn’t mean they’re incapable of humanity,. Something not human being put into a human shaped-thing and having to feel whatever physical woes come with that..

Ugh..

[myceliumsage]

tbh loving someone w a disability + trauma is heartbreaking.

my partner is disabled. he has been for almost 18 years now - he's turning 34.

he suffers daily from the chronic pain his disability brings him. he's blind in one eye because of it. he pushes himself every day to try to "make himself useful" to his loved ones.

but it's heartbreaking when he's having a bad pain day, or a combined pain + major depressive day, and he goes silent for most of the day without messaging me.

let me clarify. his lack of messages isn't what's heartbreaking to me. i have access to his gaming accounts + his spotify, so as long as he is semi-active on those places, i know he's moving and that's enough for me.

what's heartbreaking is when he apologizes for not being online, or for worrying me, or worst of all - for being in pain and depressed.

i always love the communication when he lets me know that he'll likely be silent that day due to how he's doing, that's great - love that. keep it coming. but the apologies always just break my heart.

because i *know* who hurt him. and yeah, he's doing all the things and more to help himself heal from those trauma responses, but fuck, guys. this man is probably the strongest man i know, but he still feels like a scared little boy half the time bc of being hurt so many times or made to feel like he's this awful person for having physical and mental health issues.

he's trying so hard. and he's doing so good in so many areas. i hate that people have made him feel like this, and he still feels like this.

and i'm not trying to be like "oh my partner is suffering and oh woe is me this is so hard to deal with", bc no, fuck that mentality. what i AM saying is, it's hard to watch someone you love so fucking much suffer and beat themselves up over things that they shouldn't, because they're traumatized both physically and mentally. THATS what i'm saying.

[computerpeople]

omg what r ur thoughts on cronus.. i never liked him but id like to hear what u have to say

UGH. I ADORE HIM. HE REALLY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS IN MEDIA I JUST REALLY ADORE HIM. Hes one of those characters whos really really good to love to hate. I think hes also a really well written example of what an ableist actually looks like instead of some sort of extreme caricature or whatever, I've known so many people like this in real life its one of the most accurate approaches especially if you view him through the lense of him also being some sort of neurodivergent. I think the fact that he and Mitunas tragic backstories (fought a giant evil thing that was connected to kurloz, got a face scar and a severe personality change due to it, no one believes them or knows how to deal with it) is so fascinating because it really starts to paint a picture on why cronus is so jealous of the attention mituna gets

im not the kind if person to assume that his otherkin woes are real or that hes actually dysphoric or whatever, i don't think many of the issues he claims to have are actually issues at all. i think hes an autistic incel who got far too into "nice guy" rhetoric after having a WWII phase. I do think that hes autistic, though. He fucking sucks ass at socializing. I cant believe he falls for MITUNAS shit, like, for as smart as he boasts himself to be they really are ob mutual footing because the two of them are both naive and overly trusting in the other. I think Cronus recognizes all these issues he sees in himself in Mituna, but due to Mituna being higher needs autistic and physically disabled Mituna isnt able to mask like Cronus does, and then Cronus sees Mituna getting successful quads and positive attention and connections and doesn't understand because he thinks Mitunas being rewarded for something he gets punished for.

Beforus is so fixated on medication and positivity and calmness and friendliness that I think niceness and masking go hand in hand for Cronus, especially as a high blood. And I think that means he also thinks that if he were to "be himself" that'd include "reverting" to his old violent castest ways, which he also KNOWS will get him scolded and shit on in his friend group, so he doesn't understand. Can't win while faking, can't win while being genuine. No one wants the normal ones, they just want the broken ones.

I just think hes really parhetic and is a perfect example of how like autistic people can be some of the most ableist people in the world. I also love his and Mitunas chemistry being ppl who hate eachother but willingly choose to hang around eachother because they're on equal footing with eachother and have similar faults, while also having the same backstory. I also just like sexy ableist men sadly I tend to have bad taste.

[trappedinmymind]

1, 5, 14, 18, 20 from this ask game

1. What is your favorite trope to write?

In theory? Found family.

In practice? Some secret gets revealed that completely upends any sense of normalcy and/or understanding that the characters have in their life, and it seems like it's gonna completely destroy (sometimes metaphorically, usually physically) the characters but in the end, while the story doesn't end with everything being "fine", the characters and their relationships end up stronger and with a sense of (cautious) hope

I don't know if there's a name for that, but I've written it... 4 or 5 times now, probably for reasons I don't want to touch with a 10 foot pole

5. The fic you're most proud of writing?

You're Like Me. It's probably the longest I've ever been able to stay with a fic, both in terms of chapters and word count. I'm also really proud of how I've woven the allegory in with the plot, although I could have probably planned out the plot a bit more. Oh well

14. First fandom you ever wrote fanfiction for?

MCYT, though it's unpublished for what should be obvious reasons to anyone who's ever been in the MCYT fandom for an extended period of time

18. Most words/chapters ever written for one fic or oneshot?

So far, only counting published chapters, I'm at 15 chapters and three words shy of 38,000 words for You're Like Me. The next closest is 6 chapters and 25,500 words.

20. Hardest character to write/get the characterization correct for?

For Nimona specifically, I struggle with Ballister, Ambrosius, and Rurosiv (an OC in You're Like Me), each for different reasons.

Ambrosius is difficult for me in terms of just plain characterization. I feel like I don't have enough data to pull from for him; he's clearly a complex and dynamic character in the movie, but pretty much every scene with him he's either doing knight stuff or being a loverboy, and there's only so much I can comfortably extrapolate from that.

Ballister is more complicated when it comes to the allegory in You're Like Me. Specifically, I'm trying to have Ballister be kind of a "peacekeeper ally" (idk the actual term for it); someone who is an ally to a community (in this case the trans community), and is very well informed on issues the community faces, but struggles to call out when someone around them is being actively harmful to the community they're an ally to, especially if they believe the other person will get upset at being called out. I sometimes struggle to reconcile this with his canon personality, and sometimes feel as though he comes across as too naive. He's not naive, he is used to letting people get away with things they probably shouldn't.

Rurosiv is hard for a kind of similar kind of different reason to Ballister. Rurosiv was developed specifically to represent the disability community, and from there a lot of her trauma (and by extension a lot of her mannerisms) revolve around being forcibly hidden away, whether that be just the parts people don't want to see or her whole person. There's a lot more to her than this, but it affects a lot of how I write her. Having been in fandom spaces for as long as I have, my biggest challenge with her is writing her in a way that avoids her 1) being infantilized, 2) being seen as a woe-is-me helpless character, or 3) being seen as an emotionless/buzzkill character. I think I’ve got her balanced now, but it is very important to me that I get her right, so I am constantly analyzing how she comes across when I write her

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant at the end, but Thanks so much for the ask! These were really fun, and of course if anyone wants to ask about other numbers from the ask game, or about writing in general, I’d love to answer!