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wsxhyuk · 3 years

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hello hello! i’m here to bring you one of the first soloists that wishbone had and an absolutely trash of a person, but fantastically charismatic soloist, music producer, lyricist, rapper and vocal, jeong jaehyuk. he’s a jack of all trades, master of none (save for his production of music, rapping and singing) with a bit of an anger streak and anger issues that he’s been learning over the years to handle. darkly charismatic and with a open history due to a big scandal that he had few months into being introduced when he was in yuseong as one of the trainees to debut, hyuk is a performer with a 150% effort and attitude, living like he can burn out in a single day and not live to see the next sunrise tomorrow. incorrigible, possessive and with a slightly petty streak, he’s not one to pull his punches with anyone that offends him, though he’s been taming himself under wishbone’s watchful eye until more recently. call him a cesspool of moral filth or a festering pool of toxicity, he’s as deeply insecured behind his antagonistic nature, and has worked ten times as hard to get himself to where he kinda is in right now.

both he and wishbone has played into the image of the bad boy of the group for him, especially after his first scandal back before he joined wishbone, and he plans to make the most of it, especially with the reins now loosened on his end. he’s spent quite the time being a tamed tiger, and isn’t going to hesitate upon wreaking havoc once he’s been let loosened.

do hit the like button if you’d like to plot with him, and i’ll pop into your discords / dms! hyuk’s a muse that i prefer brainstorming for instead of having plots ahead of time, so feel free to go ahead and throw anything in his direction when we discuss! everythingfrom his background to his career can be found all consolidated in his profile!

profile

about stuff : (tw: abandonment, anger issues, violence)

he says he doesn’t have parents, which is partially true, considering he spent almost all of his life in the foster care system, until he aged out at 18. being bounced around from foster house to foster house in the adoption system didn’t do well for his own personality and view about himself, and he came away with a really bad anger streak and violent tendencies, especially when someone tries to poke him / agitates him.

if he wasn’t an idol, hyuk would have gone on to do some petty crimes, because prior to the age of 13 (when he was casted for his face), he was sliding towards the dark side of the law, running from school, getting into street fights, doing little things that never set a juvenile record, but still wasn’t all that clean either.

he was casted one day when running away from school when he was 13 (his results needless to say were trash), and was offered a contract because of his face. his company was looking for someone with similar vibes to his own, and was willing to train him as long as he remained committed to the trainee path. he took up the offer with the insistence of his then foster mother--the orphanage’s owner, who honestly couldn’t wait to get rid of him, due to all the trouble he made.

so jaehyuk became a yuseong trainee just through a scrape of luck--his rapping skills were pretty okay, and so were his vocals, and they felt as though they could polish him more if he did became a trainee, and so he started 3 years of his trainee life in yuseong. being a trainee actually directed a lot of his excess energy from his angered self into his personal commitment to master a single thing--and he eventually became known amongst trainees as one of the most competitive, even if he wasn’t the best at what he did.

he was like a blackhole, constantly desperate to learn, and when he learned something, he was equally as desperate to master it, just doing things in the way that he knew how to do--and that was to knock on it until he either punched a hole through and understood it, or the door opened on itself for him. rapping became that particular outlet that he felt he moderately achieved some success with, but it wasn’t enough.

hungry for more he turned his eyes to producing, composing, even took acting classes and variety classes, just to fill that gaping hole of inadequacy that he felt made him out to be just not enough. while he knows he’s not the best, he’s proud of his unique vision for performance, and is pretty insistent about his artistic vision, which he gradually found a talent for.

but well. its not enough. he wanted--no he needed more.

and so when he turned 16, yuseong finally felt he was ready, esp since he was known to be one of the most rounded and talented trainees in yuseong back then, due to the vocal and rapping skills he gained through hard work.

funny thing is: just after he was slated to debut together with crescent, he lands himself in hot water for a violence scandal, having punched a male bystander in anger. yuseong was chagrined enough to put him on notice and probation for a while, and desperate to claim back a bit of a credibility, a press conference was held for him to apologise publically.

hyuk abandoned his pride (for various personal reasons as well) that day and went on his hands and knees in front of the reporters, apologising for his scandal and promising to be a better person. unfortunately, that sealed quite a lot of opportunities for him from his company.

due to his scandal, much of his history and background became publically disclosed to the public--thus rendering it open knowledge that hyuk was an orphan (abandoned by his mother), and from the foster care system, with a slight history of not going well in school etc.

however this wasn’t enough, even though hyuk laid very low for the longest period of time, and he was kicked from yuseong one bright fine day, with nothing but the clothes on his back, his old guitar and second handed music production home studio.

he would spend the next 6 years polishing up his instrumental skills, busking around EVERYWHERE and anywhere that wanted him, and putting up his self produced music on his soundcloud, under the name jae.de.

eventually his infamy lessened, and instead more people started to appreciate his vocals and his rapping (the former which he performed the most live when he busked, and the latter, recorded at the goshiwon he stayed in for 3 years.)

he has a small loyal following on his soundcloud for his music : musical references ( here , here and here .

when he was busking late in 2017, he was scouted once more by wishbone, and the first thing he told them was that he wanted maximum creative freedom for ALL of his work, which they granted him, in exchange for him going to constant therapy for his anger issues.

he was on the pre-debut rapping single DDING, debuting in 2018 soon after it was released, this was the first official song which he co-produced, and wrote the lyrics for. the song contained satirical lyrics towards the the idol industry, and it marked the start of his lyrics being very direct, crude and yet catchy.

Daechwita came next. he enjoyed the concept for that the most, before falling back to remind everyone once again that he was damn capable of singing with D (Half Moon).

he’s willing to teach people how to play instruments, but he’s not particularly...patient. he knows how to play the piano, keyboard, guitar, bass, drums and electric guitar.

he has a 3 month old puppy that he named nameless because he couldn’t decide a name.

he always dyes his hair / bleaches it so it’s a wonder how his scalp has survived all these years.

VOCAL CLAIMS / SIMILARITIES : DEAN, PENOMECO, DPR LIVE, kim taehyung (v) [slight similarity in the low vocal tones & jazzy vibes], Gaho, Kwon Jiyong [ note that his vocal style varies a lot since he learned a lot of different methods of singing from almost everywhere, rather than your usual trainee places. his foundation still lies in a very idol-like style of singing, but over the 9 years, the stuff he’s learned through his 6 years of learning alone has eclipsed his idol foundation]

RAPPING CLAIMS / SIMILARITIES: Min Yoongi (Suga), Kwon Jiyong, PENOMECO, ZICO, ZION.T, BOBBY, Loopy

his image is not particularly clean and bright, instead he’s known for the nitty gritty stuff, of which most of his fans have taken to his bad boy image, liking to imagine him to a particular trope because of his apparently rather handsome face.

some plot ideas:

he’s a lone wolf by nature, and so he has little (only 2) friends around him, unless you’re mostly from yuseong and have trained with him for a set amount and a good period of time. these are the people that know him the best, who sees past that angry battered child inside of him to the blackhole that’s yearning for approval and desperate to make himself feel whole again. they’ve seen his self destructive tendencies, watched him careen over the edge and violently fall, do things that he knows clearly isn’t good for him and then suffer the repercussions all over again.

exes, flings, fwbs : god, he has so many. none of them are consistent, and none of them last between a month to two months really. he simply treats them as if there’s no option of anything further beyond just the wrestle of bodies in bedsheets, and the fierce scratch of his nails against their backs. more often than not, its not him that gets hurt, because he has the tendency to leave before anything further happens. has he fallen for any of them before? probably not. only one, really. don’t get your hopes up, he tells them with a cigarette dangling from his lips and puffs of smoke in the air. because he’s just nothing but the biggest jerk when it comes to feelings and relationships.

the bad influence: he does a lot of vices, from smoking to drinking, to just..a lot of things that most people won’t attempt to try, chasing after that fleeting moment of a thrill and desire. perhaps you’re looking for a kindred spirit who likes the thrill of danger as you do, or you’d like him to spoil you for the worse things in life, open a door to destroy and ruin you completely just like he feels that he’s done to himself.

rivals: ...yeah i don’t think i need to say more, because he’s someone that rises up to the challenge so fully and completely its almost as if he’s itching to have a fight or a challenge. perhaps he’s punched you before, or you differ in your philosophies and values, one way or another, it’s hyuk’s fault that he’s offended you, and you’re both just going to go down because of it.

fans: you were a fan of him before that, when he faded back into obscurity after his scandal. perhaps you were one of the loyal few that listened to all of his soundcloud productions and heard of his busking sessions and gigs. the saddest thing is that he’s just very...bad with interactions :’) or else he wouldn’t be known infamously as the worst person to have on a variety show. he’s not known to do much fanservice for his fans--his fanservice is equated to his music, and perhaps you have a few things that you wanna teach him about it, even if he doesn’t want to learn.

instruments / music production: you’ve admired a bit of his skills in music production / instruments, and you want to learn a bit more on how to polish your skills / have a little help in that area...it’s just a matter of convincing him a little to help out because he wants something in exchange, and says that nothing in this world is free.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST CONGRATS ON MAKING IT TO THE END

here’s a reward for you-

#ws:intro #//: ooc : singing in the rain #for those that made it thru to the end of this long ass intro thank you for your patience #i hope u love him as much as i do lol

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angst-fairygodmother · 3 years

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Idiot (Affectionate) ~ A Bad Samaritan Fic

CHAPTER FIVE: US

Pairing: Derek Sandoval x (fem)Reader Word Count: 2868 Rating: T - canon-typical language, reference to Stephen King A/N: The adorable, fluffy early part of a relationship is hard to write, y’all. Especially first dates.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

“So...you and Derek…” Riley began after you had both placed your orders and found a table.

“What? What about Derek and me? There isn’t a ‘me and Derek,’” you said in a rush. Except that there was, now, and you weren’t sure why you were denying it.

“That’s my point! You’d be good together.”

“Would we?” you asked skeptically.

A voice nagged at the back of your mind, lecturing you about how you knew that already, how of course you were good together, you were more than good, you were perfect foils. You liked bickering and bantering with him, and watching scifi together, and doing terrible impressions of people you both knew, and just talking and being near him. You weren't sure what had happened earlier, but you knew you wanted it to happen again. And that you wanted...to curl up on your couch with your knees tucked up under you and your head on his chest while his arm wrapped around you and held you close, or sit across from him at a restaurant and steal his fries, or make pancakes with him on a Sunday morning in your pajamas (never mind that you'd have to learn how first, for Derek you'd figure it out). You were sure you wanted all of those cute, romantic companionship things, with Derek. So why were you still pretending otherwise?

“Sure. He’s not my type, and he can be a little annoying sometimes, but he makes it work, in his own way.”

Your conversation was momentarily interrupted by your drinks and snacks being brought over. It was just enough time for you to come to a decision.

“You’re really selling him,” you joked, hiding a smile behind your scone. “I’m so convinced.”

“Come on, Y/N. Give him a chance. He might surprise you.”

“Riley, listen. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, setting me up with Derek, but you are wasting your breath...”

“Why? Give me one good reason not to go out to dinner with him.”

“He hasn’t asked me to?” you squinted your eyes and tilted your head in question.

She sighed. “Okay, you’re right. Hypothetically though, if he did ask, and assuming you both had the night off, and—”

“Riley, can you slow down for a second?” you couldn’t help but laugh as you cut off what was likely to be quite the spiel. After all, she was a business major, and they loved their hypotheticals almost as much as lawyers.

She stopped, or at least paused, and picked up her coffee cup, looking at you expectantly.

“You’re wasting your breath not because my answer would be no, but because...well..he and I sort of...already...hooked up? About,” you checked the clock on your phone, “an hour ago.”

She choked, only just avoiding spraying her latte over you. “What?!”

“Well I mean, not hooked up, hooked up. But there was a lot of kissing, and other stuff. And not a lot of clothes. It probably maybe might have actually ended up as hooked up, hooked up if you hadn’t called,” you grimaced as you tried to explain. “But you cannot tell Sean any of this.”

“Why not?”

You chewed on your lip. “Because it just happened. And I don’t know if it was a one-off, heat-of-the-moment thing. So I don’t want him to know anything until there’s something worth knowing. If there’s something worth telling, he’ll probably end up one of the first to know anyway.”

“Okay, I might let you have that,” she smirked, leaning in. “So tell me more: What’s ‘other stuff’? How few clothes are we talking? How’d it happen? Was it good?”

Your cheeks felt hot with embarrassment as you laughed awkwardly and focused your attention on your drink as a distraction.

“You’re never gonna believe this, dawg,” Derek said, blowing a puff of smoke up into the air. “So I was over at Y/N’s, and we were hangin out, and we started arguing, right?”

“Because that comes as a shock to anyone,” Sean answered, rolling his eyes and taking a long drag before passing the joint back.

“No, no, no, man. That’s not the surprising thing. We’re arguing and all up in each other’s face and then, out of nowhere, she kisses me!” Derek’s grin was wide and a little bit awed as he spoke, forgetting to take another hit.

There was genuine shock on Sean’s face and he seemed at a loss for words, blinking owlishly at his best friend.

“So anyway, there I am, there we are because the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen - no offense to Riley man - is kissing me, so obviously I kissed her back. She didn't taste like I thought she would, apples or somethin, like she always smells, but I guess that's her hair or something, it was…” Derek trailed off for a second, trying to think of exactly how he wanted to describe the taste of kissing her, and then he snapped his fingers, carrying on, “candy canes. Those ones with the extra purple stripe that kinda taste like berries.”

He ignored Sean saying his name, trying to capture his attention and carried on.

“Then, it's not just kissing. Cus she's laying back onto the bed and I'm following and now I'm on top of her and she takes her shirt off. No bra underneath so I've got the perfect view of her sweet, perky—”

“Stop!” Sean yelled, voice echoing off the concrete pillars of the parking garage. “Fucking hell Derek, that's my cousin. Practically my little sister for Christ's sake.”

“What?” Derek frowned, confused for a moment when it finally dawned on him. “Oh shit, man, I'm sorry. I thought since you were cool with me taking a shot...I wasn't thinkin about…”

“It's fine. I only need to bleach out half my brain. I'm happy for you and Y/N, I really am, it's about time frankly, but I don't want to know.”

“Yeah. Yeah no problem man.”

A silence hung over them as they finished their smoke, before suddenly Derek was speaking again.

“I looked up the song while I drove here, and it turns out, she was right. I had nothin to even argue with her about.” He chuckled, the grin creeping across his face again. “I’m glad I did though.”

Several weeks went by and it seemed like things were going back to normal, as if nothing had ever happened. You got busy with school and finals, seeing Derek a lot less often and for shorter blocks, and the timing never seemed right to talk.

One night, you were both hanging out with Sean, trying to cheer him up over the fact that Riley had cancelled on him because of some big presentation for school. While your cousin was out of the room meeting the pizza guy, an odd silence descended over you both for a moment, before Derek turned to face you on the couch.

“What are we?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” you answered, frowning in confusion and mirroring his position.

“We have one killer makeout, then never talk about it. I flirt, I think you’re flirtin back but it’s hard to tell. You call me sweet one second and stupid the next. I just don’t get it, Y/N, and it’s starting to drive me crazy.”

“I like you, Derek. A lot. Like, to the point it kinda scares me if I’m being honest, a lot,” you shrugged, holding your shoulders at your ears. “But...I don’t know. Is this a good idea?”

“This? You mean...us?” He frowned in confusion.

“Is there an us already?” you sighed, voice trembling. “Yeah, I guess I mean, the possibility of an us at least.”

He reached over, taking one of your hands in his. “I don’t want to push you into anything, but I’ll be honest, girl, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

You opened your mouth to make a snarky comment in response and he shook his head, laughing lightly.

“I mean the real you, not just kissin you or seeing your tiddies, although those were nice.”

You shot him a glare, reaching across the gap between you to slap his shoulder in annoyance. He laughed, holding up his hands in surrender.

“You’re so smart, way too smart for me. And fiesty, and hilarious, and sweet. I don’t know, you’re you. And I really like everything about you, all the little things even that make me feel like I got steam comin outta my ears like the Looney Tunes.”

“I…”

“Let me take you out to dinner, or breakfast, or lunch, whenever you’re free. A date though. One date and we can talk about it, whatever’s got you feeling unsure. Please?”

He was looking at you so earnestly that you couldn’t resist saying yes, suggesting lunch on Sunday just as Sean returned. He looked between you with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk. You rolled your eyes, stealing the food from him, and Derek pressed play on the movie as Sean settled back into the middle seat.

You paced anxiously up and down the length of your living room, biting on a thumb nail. You paused, debating changing your outfit for the third time. Derek had said he wanted to do the whole package for a date, so he was going to pick you up at your apartment, and drive downtown. Then you’d park and walk together to lunch. It was cute. But it left you with too much time to think while you waited for the text that said he was downstairs.

It was just Derek. Derek who’d been your friend for months now, who could make you laugh no matter what, and who looked at you like you hung the moon when he thought you didn’t notice, and who made your stomach flip. Derek who you’d been fully ready and willing to sleep with a few weeks ago. But this felt different. It was a real date. It was a tipping point, maybe the start of something, or the end.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, making you jump.

‘Hey, I’m here. Want me to come up?’ you read.

If he came upstairs, you could probably convince him to forget the date and the questions and the everything else to pick up where you’d left off the last time he’d been to your place. The thought was tempting. But it was only delaying the inevitable.

‘I’ll be down in a sec,’ you fired back instead, gathering up your keys and purse and hurrying down to meet him.

He was standing on your front step when you got downstairs, greeting you with a surprising hug, which you were happy to return, before you both stepped back and took each other in.

“Damn,” he said with a low whistle. “You look…damn.”

You felt your cheeks flush hotly. Your outfit wasn’t something particularly fancy, but you had tried to dress nicely for him, and to take advantage of the warm spring weather.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you teased, smiling broadly at him (code for he looked absolutely jaw-droppingly sexy in his own choice of dressy-casual).

He winked at you and then swept an arm out dramatically. “Your chariot awaits. Shall we?”

“Don’t mind if I do, kind sir,” you affected a posh accent and haughty expression before giggling and practically skipping down the stairs.

The drive, as usual, turned into an impromptu concert (mostly Bon Jovi today) and for the walk to the restaurant and all of lunch, conversation flowed easily. It was comfortable enough that you almost forgot that you had hesitated to agree.

“I hate to kill the mood,” he said after most of your meal was done. “But part of today was supposed be to figuring out us.”

You sighed. There was the other shoe, finally dropping.

“You’re right, it was.”

“So why do you think this is a bad idea?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“Straight to the point,” you observed. “I'm surprised.”

He shrugged. “Just wanna get it done. Why dance around?”

“I don’t know. We’re friends, and I like how things are. And you and Sean are friends and if we were to try this...dating or whatever thing, and it didn’t work out I don’t want to lose us or ruin your friendship or,” you sighed. “It just seems like a lot to risk.”

“Sean and I are way too close to let a girl come between us, even if that girl is you.” He smirked teasingly at you.

“Well that makes me feel a little better,” you rolled your eyes, but there was a sincerity to your words that he definitely picked up on. “What if you’re wrong, and we start dating, and it makes things awkward between you and Sean? What if it doesn’t but we break up and then Sean has to pick between his cousin and his best friend? What if we start dating and it doesn’t work out and we lose each other? Because you’re one my best friends, Derek, and I can’t even imagine what life would actually be like without you in it, but it’s a scary thought. What if—”

He reached across the table to rest his hand on top of the fingers you were drumming anxiously on the table.

“Forget what ifs for a second.”

You looked at him skeptically.

“Just work with me. No thinking about the future. If just right now mattered, how would you feel? What would you do?”

“I don’t know. I’d feel...happy? I’d tell you that I’m having a really good time hanging out with you again, and I missed it when I got busy with finals. I’d tell you that color looks really good on you. And that you have chocolate from your pancakes on your lip, but...I think you should leave it there and let me get it…” you were blushing furiously, cheeks practically on fire, and you fought the urge to look down at the table.

He laughed, the sound filling your chest with warmth and effervescence. With a wink, he shifted his chair around the table until his knee bumped into yours.

“Go on then,” he murmured, angling even closer. “Live in just this moment.”

You breath caught in your throat, heart racing.

“Or should I do it for you?”

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips and his eyes traced its path.

“Derek…” your voice was barely above a breath.

And then you were both leaning in, and his hand was braced on the back of your chair, and yours was on the back of his neck. Your lips were on his and his were on yours, and for a second, time and his breath and your heart all stopped. You slid your tongue across his lip and then sucked on it lightly, removing the chocolate stain as promised and making him groan softly. His hand left the chair to curl around your back, trying to angle you closer without pulling you off your chair.

Someone cleared their throat behind you, shattering the moment and making you leap apart. The freckle-faced young waiter stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot.

“You...uh...I was asked to come over and tell you that…” he stammered, blushing furiously.

“We’re disturbing the other customers and should keep the PDA for later?” you asked sheepishly, not unfamiliar with the feeling of having to deliver such messages to couples on dates.

He nodded rapidly before turning tail and practically fleeing back to the kitchens. You couldn’t help giggling, especially when you saw the pouting look on Derek’s face. After a moment, he grinned and joined in with your laughter, until you earned another stern look from some of the older folks in the little restaurant around you.

“Maybe we should go?” you suggested, struggling to contain yourself. “I don’t think they like us much.”

“Probably,” he answered, quickly waving down someone to bring your check.

As you walked out together, you impulsively stepped closer. You were just passing through the door and into the afternoon sunshine when you laid your head on Derek’s shoulder, making him stiffen for a moment, before he shifted his stance to make it more comfortable for the both of you, looping an arm around your waist.

“So,” he said as you wandered like that down the sidewalk in no particular direction.

“Hm?”

“What’s this mean then?”

“It means that I like you, a lot. And I like this...us...thing. And I’m still scared, but I want to give it a shot?”

“Okay.” You could practically hear the grin in his voice as his arm tightened to pull you closer.

“And if you ever break my heart, I’ll break your foot.”

“Why my foot?” he laughed.

“Because it’s easy-ish. And it makes it harder for you to leave.”

“Ah, I see. Going a little Annie Wilkes on me?”

“You’ve seen Misery?”

“No. But I liked the book.”

You tilted your head to look more fully at him, gaping.

“What? Am I not allowed to be a Stephen King fan?”

“You never cease to surprise me, Derek Sandoval.”

#am I glossing over too much of the relationship building?#am I packing too many events into a single chapter?#I worry about these things #anyway...more fluff #more cuteness #before the angst that is a'coming #Derek Sandoval x Reader #Bad Samaritan fic #queued for once because reasonably no one is awake at this hour

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Shining Star | Part Two

[Axl Rose x OC]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of suicide

Tag list: @teller258316 @reigns420 @xpoisonousrosesx @oskea93 @blowinmeupwithherlove @redlipscrystalskies14 @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @sublimeprincesswasteland

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Pretty as a picture." I say to myself, swiping lipstick across my lips in the bathroom mirror before I click the tube shut and make sure my hair looks good.

My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Tommy...and Vince.

I haven't spoken a word to Vince since he got Tami pregnant a year and a half ago, and I haven't spoken to Tommy since he leapt out of my bedroom window after 3 minutes of awkward sex.

"Do you fuck all of your friends?" My mother's words come back to bite me in the ass as I groan out in frustration.

The only plus to any of this is that I'll get to hang out with Viv.

There. Viv. Just focus on Vivian.

I leave the bathroom and glance around to see if I see any familiar faces.

Nope.

I pull the skirt of my dress down a little and rub my lips together, people passing left and right, looking either too drunk to be bothered or too busy.

"Tansy?" I hear a confused voice and look straight ahead, seeing Vivian by the payphone.

"Hey!" I reply excitedly, rushing to her as fast as I can, being careful not to trip over my feet adorned in red heels.

Vivian Sixx—Kinston at that point—had a ballet scholarship to Juilliard, never missed a Sunday church service, and was one of those annoyingly gorgeous girls that genuinely thought they were ugly. She couldn't stand her red hair because she was teased in middle school and called "firecrotch," she hated her freckles and her height because she'd been compared to a giraffe--"tall as shit with brown spots"--and the fact her mom was a batshit crazy Jesus lunatic never helped matters…but that stuff was all in her head because after middle school, guys looked at her differently, Jesus-lover and all. She saw annoying traits, but most people saw legs a mile long, a unique hair color that stood out in the sea of bleach blonde, freckles that framed emerald green eyes, and a heart as kind and beautiful inside as she was on the outside.

She's always said I was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever met, but she is, to me, the most stunning.

She didn't have to try to get anybody's attention, she walked in a room and she had it--so much so that Matt Sorum called her "Fire Woman" after The Cult song because he claimed that's the first thing that came to mind when he first saw her walking back stage at his first gig with Guns N' Roses. "She could give me the fucking clap and I'd kiss her feet for it." He told me, his facial expression mimicking someone who'd been struck by lightening twice…

People always looked at her like that but she rarely noticed because she'd be too busy looking up at Nikki with utter hearts in her eyes, but we'll get into that later.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me curiously.

"Vince called me and wanted me to come." I explain and she raises her brows.

"Vince?" She asks and I nod. "The same Vince that cheated on you multiple times Freshman year? And your entire relationship?"

"It's been, what, four years?" I ask, in reference to how long it's been since he and I started dating. "Maybe he's grown up a little." I suggest and she just clears her throat, cueing the hollering of an angry girl.

"Fuck you! Piece of shit! Motherfucker!" She shouts, the sound of her hitting Vince gets louder and she stomps down the hall as he follows after her, continuously trying to get her attention by saying "babe" repeatedly.

"My pants! Babe!" He's fully in sight now as she stomps off...and he's fully naked.

"Fuck you!" She calls back to him, leaving him behind.

"I fucking love those pants." He whines, disappointed, cupping his dick.

"Your swimsuit parts are out." Vivian tells him, and he and I make contact over her shoulder, my nerves tensing up anxiously as he looks at me with a grin.

"Hey, Tans." He says to me, about to come closer but Vivian stops him.

"Go put some clothes on." She orders to him and he rolls his eyes, turning and walking away, his butt shining as he leaves. "You had sex with that." She reminds me and I frown slightly.

"Yeah, he hasn't changed a bit has he?" I ask her and she shakes her head a little.

"He's gotten worse." She states. "Alright, c'mon, let's go see Tommy." She takes my hand and leads me to where he is, my heart nearly beating out of my chest.

How awkward is this going to be?

We turn the corner and see him and two other guys standing in their street clothes, and when Tommy sees me, all my nerves dissipate because he completely makes me forget our awkward sex never even happened.

"Tansy fucking Reilen!" He exclaims excitedly as I walk to him to hug him.

He leans down to reach my 5'3" height and wraps his arms tightly around me.

"Hey, Tommy!" I reply, just as happy.

This is the first time he, Vivian, and I, will be hanging out together...Viv's been having to hangout with us separately because we've been avoiding each other for the most part. I guess we don't have to, anymore.

He releases me, immediately turning to the ball of teased, jet black hair.

"This is Nikki," he informs me, "the band's bassist."

Hazel eyes--nearly green--look down at me behind his hair, traveling down my face, to my chest, down my legs, and back up again, the tiniest, mischievous smirk on his lips, and I raise my brow a tiny bit…

Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Is exactly what Nikki was, and it was all he and I could get ourselves into for years to follow.

"And this is Tansy." Tommy tells Nikki, oblivious to how he's looking at me.

"Nice to meet you." I tell Nikki.

"Yeah." He replies.

"And Mick, our guitarist." Tommy says next, nodding to the shorter man who's also got jet black hair.

"Hi." I say to him.

He just gives a small smile and mumbles, "hey."

"He's a little quiet but when you get to know him he opens up." Tommy says to me, quietly as Vince reappears with clothes on. "We were about to head to the rainbow," he starts next, his eyes flickering to Viv. "If someone's willing to stay out late."

"Fine." Vivian doesn't argue, sighing out.

"Hallelujah. Thank fuckin' God." Vince pipes, sliding his arm around my shoulder, making me roll my eyes.

The entire time to the Rainbow, Vivian and Nikki are constantly back and forth, tearing each other new assholes and going for each other's throats. I don't know what beef they have with each other but it's brutal and borderline sex fueled.

Once we get to the bar and grill, I drag Viv to the bathroom with me so I can touch up my makeup.

"So…" I start, looking in the mirror, "...have you lost your virginity yet?"

"No." She says it as if she's slightly offended.

"Oh."

"Why?"

"It's just…" I start but quickly decide that it'll just piss her off, probably. "Nothing."

"Tansy." She sighs, irritated. "What is it?"

"Nothing. I just thought you and that Nikki guy have messed around." I shrug and she looks like she's seen a ghost.

"I—ew why would you think that? We haven't." She insists and I hold my hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry, I just thought you had." I tell her.

"What makes you think we have?"

"There's a tension." The words are framed by a smirk and she widens her eyes.

"There is not a tension. There is so not a tension." She gets it out without laughing although I can tell she wants to. “We argue. All the time. He thinks I’m a self-righteous prude and I think he’s the spawn of Satan. If there’s a tension, it’s because we hate each other.”

"You don't have to like someone to have sex with them." I inform her, speaking from experience of the guys who've had sex with me without giving a damn, and me having sex with guys I didn't necessarily like just to make them happy. "I really like him for you, though. You get all riled up and firey when he's around."

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes.

“I just met the guy and I can tell he has you acting different. You used to be so quiet and shy around people you don’t really know, now you’re jumping in to conversations just to piss him off and prove him wrong.”

“Because I don’t like him.” She shakes her head. “And he doesn’t like me. That’s where the tension comes from. See? It’s full-circle.”

"Hate-sex is always an option." I suggest.

"Do not even start." She scolds me, pointing her finger.

"What? It gets rid of all the aggression and ill feelings." I explain.

“So does their shows. Did you know they encourage people to get their feelings out during a show so they go home chilled out and not so uptight?” she tells me and I look at her, not even the slightest bit convinced. “And it works.”

“Yeah, until he gets off stage and then you get all hot and bothered.” I reply with a grin.

“I get hot because he’s Devil-Spawn and the heat from hell radiates off of him and I get bothered because he’s an arrogant idiot.”

“Or you like him and don’t know why you do so you displace your frustration and confusion on to him.” I shoot back. “I was honestly joking about the hate sex okay? I don’t want you to go jump in to bed with him if you don’t want to but you two were fighting like cats and dogs the whole time we were on our way here. I think you should try to let whatever kind of bravery he evokes in you come out in a way that’s not in the form of riled up anger or fiery hatred.” I recommend and she nods a little. “Now, c’mon because I have a slutty blonde waiting.”

That was the night Mötley Crüe was signed to Elektra records by rock-god signing Tom Zutat, who's responsible for record companies grasping ahold of a plethora of leather-patented hair metal douchebags that could make good music and snort their way through long enough power rails of coke that once they reach the end of white powder without flinching, China's on the other side. But you want to know a secret? It was all bullshit. Every person I've met in that rock scene, you know, the ones that despised the term "hair metal" yet teased their hair two feet above their heads and played heavy metal? Yeah, them. Every single one of them had this "I was made for this shit" attitude.

Some of them nearly put bullets through their head, OD'd, hung themselves, turned their cars on and locked themselves in their garage...even the ones that hadn't purposely tried to take themselves out either almost pushed it too far and died accidentally from too much booze or drugs or vehicle accidents, or did push it too far.

They weren't made for it.

Nobody's fucking made for millions of people wanting a piece of them every single night, management running them to their grave for more money, dealers keeping them numb, all their relationships just exploding in their faces, all of their "friends" wanting more and more and more.

They thought they were made for it because when someone gets a taste of what they decide the universe or God or whoever or whatever destined for them to become, they take it and run with it without reading the fine print.

They see the fame without the lack of privacy and hangers-on.

They see the fans without the people who hate their guts and make it known.

They see the money without the gold diggers.

They see the excess without the high risk that comes with taking advantage of having everything with the snap of their fingers.

They see the glutton without the punishment.

Until they're standing on the railing of the balcony of their Hollywood penthouse, their best friend trying to talk them down while the police are on their way.

And then of course when they do turn up dead by suicide, people talk their typical, "how awful, they killed themselves in their mansion, surrounded by their expensive furniture, wearing their expensive clothes, with millions—possibly billions—in their bank account, how sad for them, boohoo."

As someone who's been dirt broke, to the point of getting my water cut off and having to shower at a friend's house, but then growing up to have more money than I knew what to do with aside from blow it on drugs? Money doesn't buy happiness, jerkoffs. It can buy distractions to buffer pain and suffering, sure, but once the high wears off, or that new car loses its luster, or that new house starts to feel fucking empty, all while that wall full of awards and plaques and magazine posters cementing your fame and worth and stake in the industry you sold your soul for just reminds you that you don't even recognize who the hell you are anymore and nothing can change that...you get fucking depressed. Hate to say it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, that even though you're poor as shit and are depressed as shit that even if you had money and fame you'd still be fucking sad. But I'd rather tell you the truth than sell you the fallacy that me and everybody else I was friends with bought, that landed every single one of us in situations where we felt we had no other way except to just off ourselves all while remembering when we were stupid enough to proudly say: "I was made for this."

People are made for this like Matthew Trippe replaced Nikki Sixx, which—if you want the truth—is complete bullshit.

“He said we could possibly score a five album deal, Viv, why aren’t you happy about this? I thought you wanted us to get signed?” Tommy asks Vivian as she slings her keys across the guys' shitty living room, pissed beyond measure.

“You just told me you were dropping out of school, Tommy! We are so close to graduating, can’t you just wait?!”

“No, I can’t! I can’t just wait because what I wanted is happening and I need to focus on the band right now more than ever!” He argues while motioning to Nikki and Vince, who, like me, are being smart and staying near the door incase we need to get out of sight once Vivian and Tommy kill each other.

“Your education should be your main focus, at least until you graduate! You are so close to being done, Tommy, why can’t you just—“

“Because I don’t give a fuck about school, Vivian! What I am passionate about doesn’t require a diploma, and I’m sorry if me dropping out makes you feel like I’m leaving you behind or whatever the fuck you feel, but I’m not sorry for wanting to focus on my main priority!”

“What I’m hearing is that I wasted hours of my time throughout school trying to tutor you and help you all for you to throw it away on the idea of being some hot-shot rockstar with girls and drugs and booze—”

“Oh, my God, you act like you would have had better things to do with that wasted time!” He sounds like he already knows he's gonna lose the argument while Vivian just rolls her jaw. “And it’s not a fucking idea, it’s fucking reality and you’re only mad because you have no control over it!”

“I’m mad because we talked about this and everything we agreed on, everything we promised each other, is absolute void to you now that it’s actually happening!”

“Shit changes, Viv, people change! What I considered important junior year is completely different than what I consider important now.” He calms down, sighing.

“We agreed we would both graduate high school and I could either put off college or drop out if I needed to...” she trails off, her voice shaking slightly with oncoming tears, making me feel bad for her. “That was our plan to avoid this from happening. To avoid you leaving me behind.” Now it's crystal clear why she's freaking out over them being offered a record deal. “You considered me important junior year when you came up with that plan. When you promised me you wouldn’t go on to bigger things without me and forget me. And now...” She takes a step back, while Tommy attempts to walk to her.

“Viv, I didn’t mean it like that.” He tries to tell her.

“No, you’re right.” she replies, her body shaking a little. “Shit changes.” I raise my brow because I've never heard her curse before. “People change.” She keeps on. “Glad this is happening now, though, so I don’t waste any more time on a completely different page than you, Tommy.” Her voice cracks a little and she grabs her keys quickly.

“Viv—“ Tommy tries to grab her arm as she heads to the door but she snatches away from him. “Fuck you.” she cracks, her voice barely coming out as tears spill over her lashes.

Nikki and Vince step aside to let her leave all while I contemplate following her, but if I know Vivian, I know she likes to think about things when she's upset, rather than just talk them out with someone. Which is the only time she likes to be alone.

She just slams the door on us, and Tommy.

Most definitely wouldn't be the last time she did that.

"Tommy, are you—"

"—I'm goin' home." He grumbles, grabbing his keys, and me and Nikki and Vince all look at each other.

"Tommy, you are home?" Nikki reminds him.

"I'm stayin' with my folks so I can vent to my sister because she's the only one who knows Viv good enough to know she's being fuckin' unreasonable." He states.

"I barely know her and I can tell you she's unreasonable." Nikki scoffs, earning a glare. "Sorry, man." He mumbles in return.

"Bye." Tommy says, closing the door behind him.

"Well...I'm gonna go find a chick to fuck." Vince says, stretching.

"You got one right here." Nikki chuckles looking at me and I raise my brows.

"Not since I knocked Tami up." Vince reads my mind and I nod.

"Exactly." I reply.

"Who?" Nikki asks.

"Nobody. Don't wait up." He tells us, opening the door and leaving, too, more than likely heading to the strip club down the street.

"So, like, how old are you?" Nikki asks.

"Why?"

He just gets a shit eating grin on his lips.

#shining star

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ftchai · 4 years

Photo

—— ⋆ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 ╯ task 002.

Basic Character Questions

First name? charlie

Last names? song

Middle names? haru

Nicknames? chai

Date of birth? february / 27

Age? 20

Physical / Appearance

Height? 5′3

Build? skinny, lean

Hair colour? varies constantly. currently, dark brown with the front pieces bleached.

Hair style? length wise, it can cover her chest, naturally straight but usually a little messy.

Eye colour? brown.

Glasses or contact lenses? just reading glasses.

Scars or birthmarks? many small scars on her knees, elbows, a big one on her left shin, mostly from when she once thought she could roller derby, and skateboarding incidents.

Tattoos? has a dragon tattoo that covers most of her left thigh, other random stick and pokes that cover her arms, most are film references and quotes, but also a couple murakami flowers, butterflies, a dead smiley face.

Physical or mental handicaps? she’s medicated for her anxiety.

Type of clothes? baggy band tees, mom jeans with rips in them, old ugly cardigans she somehow pulls off. will occasionally wear tight fitting crop tops, pleated skirts, .

Race / Ethnicity? asian, south korean

Mannerisms? very facially expressive, doesn’t talk with her hands much. mostly with her eyes. widening her eyes and rolling her eyes are usually her responses to most situations.

Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse? ”yeah” for everything. “man”, “damn”.

Do they have a catchphrase? not really. just quotes movies a lot.

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? depends on the situation. if it concerns others, she’s optimistic, but if it’s a personal matter regarding herself, pessimistic.

Are they introverted or extroverted? introverted.

Do they ever put on airs? never, it’s quite the contrary, actually. puts herself down frequently.

What bad habits do they have? smoking a pack a day, second-guessing herself, sometimes might fall into an old habit of biting her nails.

What makes them laugh out loud? compilations of old vines, cat videos, her friends.

How do they display affection? once comfortable around someone, chai is actually pretty grabby. hugging, hand holding, listening, giving advice, dropping everything for someone. very loyal.

How do they want to be seen by others? i think she just wants to be seen, period. she feels pretty invisible, mostly.

How do they see themselves? as less than they are. she is her worst critic, wish she could realize she’s actually special.

Strongest character trait? perseverance and adaptability.

Weakest character trait? insecure and escapist.

How competitive are they? strangely, not at all. used to be happy to get participation awards.

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? a chronic overthinker, so definitely takes time to consider.

How do they react to praise? might not believe 100%, but appreciates it 100%.

How do they react to criticism? if it’s constructive, she’ll accept it when it comes to her music because she’s constantly trying to be better, so she’ll even go out of her way to ask people. when it comes to her life or the way she is, whether her stubbornness or self destructive tendencies, she just blocks it out.

What is their greatest fear? being forgotten. of course she dreams of making it big, but just living in some people’s memories would be enough for her.

What are their biggest secrets? doesn’t have many secrets. maybe that she cares

When was the last time they cried? probably days ago. she gets overwhelmed by her emotions easily, and also likes watching movies to cry at them, so there’s that.

What haunts them? how since her dad left, people have made it a habit to do the same too.

What will they stand up for? she’s an introvert but won’t stand for injustice. having been bullied herself, she’ll stick up for anyone she witnesses being mistreated. also, believes people should be able to live their lives however they want, without people judging them for it.

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? both. loves hanging out in her room, but also loves going to the beach, the lake, skateboard around town.

What is their sinful little habit? drugs. will take just about anything.

What quality do they most value in a friend? loyalty.

What do they consider an overrated virtue? probably temperance, moderation in general.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? she’s stupid so she’d say something like ‘being talented.’

What is their obsession? music, movies, comics.

What are their pet peeves? mansplaining. when guys try to outsmart her when it comes to comics or musical knowledge, and purposefully quiz her with things not even they really know, as if she has something to prove.

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? small, separated between south sk and the usa. over here she has her mother, stepdad, aunt, uncle, and her 2 brothers.

What is their perception of family? she loves them, only moved out so soon because she wanted to do things her own way.

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? chai is the middle child, one younger and one older brother.

Describe their best friend. just her perfect fit. affectionate, calm, understanding and patient. someone chai can be herself around and expect 0 judgement. she throughly enjoys being with luna and she feels like luna brings out the best in her. @lunaolsson

Ideal best friend? ^^^

Do they have any pets? not yet. she can’t make up her mind between a ferret, a snake, or a kitten.

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? the kind of child that really lives in her own world. quiet, always watching her surroundings and the people around her, very calm. pretty much always with a coloring book in her hands, too. also her mom has too many videos of her singing into a hairbrush in their living room.

Did they grow up rich or poor? although she doesn’t remember much, she lived comfortably while her parents were together. once they got divorced however, her father stripped her mom of everything, despite the fact she had full custody of chai and her older brother. they struggled, but chai’s mom made sure there was always well fed and dressed. when her stepdad got into the picture, things became easier.

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? nurtured by her mother, and eventually her stepfather, but neglected by her dad. he used to call on her birthdays but hasn’t done that ever since she turned 14.

What is their greatest achievement? finishing high school. that was hell for her.

What was their first kiss like? sloppy, drunk and not worth remembering.

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? has pushed away anyone with the slight romantic interest towards her, she doesn’t know how to handle it.

What are their ambitions? getting signed by a record label, buying her mom a house, getting out of crawford.

What advice would they give their younger self? “ it’s okay if people leave, you’ll always have yourself. ”

What smells remind them of their childhood? jjajangmyeon noodles, kimchi stew, pretty much anything her mother cooked for her. also, the smell of old books.

What was their childhood ambition? she wanted to be a vet, until she realized she actually needs to go to school for that.

What is their best childhood memory? the few memories she has of south korea, and when her mom saved up to take her and her siblings to disneyland for the day.

What is their worst childhood memory? when her dad left and they had to come to the usa as quickly as possible.

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? probably too many. she’s always been shy and has talks to herself way too much.

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? probably when cain shut her out.

What past act are they most ashamed of? all those nights she got passed out drunk as a teenager, waking up somewhere and not knowing how she got there. probably not too much because she’ll still do it

What past act are they most proud of? getting it together and keeping a job for once! also releasing an ep on spotify.

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? yes and no.

Are they in a relationship? nope

How do they behave in a relationship? really chill, probably too chill because she’s been cheated on too many times. anyway, she really values the person and puts them on a pedestal, does everything for them and during the relationship they’re the topic of 80% of her songs, when they break up it’s 100%

When did you character last have sex? probably last week, some one night stand tinder date

Has your character ever been in love? she thinks so

Have they ever had their heart broken? every. single. time

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? leaves

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? neither. no fights. she hates confrontation.

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? the electric yamaha guitar she spent 2 paychecks on.

What do they love to hate? g

What are their phobias? teenage mutant ninja turtles. they disgust her.

What living person do they most despise? probably adam sandler because of all the terrible movies he’s made.

Have they ever been bullied or teased? yes.

Where do they go when they’re angry? scream into her pillow, turn the volume on her amp all the way up and angry jam, gets high and goes skateboarding to clear her mind.��

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? officially, she works the concession stand at the crawford theatre. in reality, she does anything they need her to do.

What do they think about their current job? it’s hard work sometimes, but for once she feels useful so she enjoys it. movies are her favorite thing.

What are some of their past jobs? there’s a whole list, the ones that lasted more than two weeks were supermarket cashier, dog walking, and babysitting.

What are their hobbies? singing, playing guitar, skating, skateboarding, songwriting, reading.

Educational background? has a high school diploma.

Do they have a natural talent for something? music, both playing instruments and songwriting

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? nope.

What is their socioeconomic status? not really lower middle class, she’s struggling that last week before she gets her next paycheck, but if she’s organized she’s okay.

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? red panda or siberian tiger.

What place would they most like to visit? south korea, japan, london, paris.

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? when her little baby brother would dance around the piano when she finally learned how to play.

What is their favourite song? she’ll never make up her mind, so she’ll unironically say something by avril lavigne.

Music, art, reading preferred? all of the above.

What is their favourite color? green.

Favourite food: tuna sashimi.

What is their favourite day of the week? saturday.

Possessions

What is in their fridge: rice, kimchi, and redbulls

What is on their bedside table? whatever book or comic she’s reading, her glasses, a candle, songwriting book.

What is in their car? blankets in case she needs to crash right there and then, an old pair of sneakers, aux cord, a protein bar.

What is in their purse or wallet? drivers license, whatever change she has, credit card, baby photos of herself and her friends, notes she’s been given.

What is in their pockets? usually her phone.

What is their most treasured possession? that baby blue yamaha guitar.

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? chai has never had a family member pass away. so maybe her mother, she’s always looking out for her.

Do they believe in the afterlife? unsure.

What are their religious views? likes to believe there’s something out there, but she’s an atheist.

What do they think heaven is? where all her favorite rockstars are waiting for her.

What do they think hell is? working retail / customer service.

Are they superstitious? believes in ghosts, but other than that, not really.

What would they like to be reincarnated as? a cat. head empty, no thoughts, just sleep.

How would they like to die? somehow painless.

What is your character’s spirit animal? i’d say a fennec fox. small, looks cute but will bite and run away.

What is their zodiac sign? pisces.

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? betray them.

When did they last lie? rarely lies, if she has to, it’s probably just a little white lie.

What’s their view of lying? on one hand, she knows it’s wrong, but in the other, she’d rather be lied to than have to face the truth.

When did they last make a promise? doesn’t make promises often, must have been something important.

Did they keep or break their last promise? always does, wouldnt really make a promise if she wasn’t sure she could follow through.

Daily life

What are their eating habits? it really is mostly ramen and asian convenience store food. when she misses hearty meals, she’ll drive to her mom’s house.

Do they have any allergies? none.

Describe their home. shares her house with roommates, never leaves anything untidy and always cleans up for herself / does her chores when its her turn. her room is super cluttered, but somehow it’s not messy nor overwhelming. there’s film posters covering the entirety of the walls.

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? clutter hoarder.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? shower, then eat.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? goes to her mom’s house for dinner, skateboards until the sun sets.

What do they do on a Friday night? goes out always.

What is the soft drink of choice? coke.

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? black vodka shots.

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? stevie nicks.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? anime schoolgirl in a zombie movie.

If they could save one person, who would it be? probably jack on titanic.

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? luna !!

What is their greatest extravagance? music equipment.

What is their greatest regret? things she leaves unsaid, not watching infinity war at the theatre for the forth time.

What would they do if they won the lottery? buy her mom a mansion, move out to LA to get a record deal, travel the world.

Do they believe in happy endings? for some people, yes.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? having fans at her concert knowing every lyric of every one of her songs.

What would they ask a fortune teller? should she go into film making instead?

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? 70s !

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? talking to animals

#crawford:task #❪ —— ⋆ 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 ╯ task.#omg i cant believe i'm done

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tinykings · 5 years

Text

a post about how well the album reputation (taylor swift, 2017) matches up with chrisjen/sadavir (this is in no way an endorsement of taylor swift, who i enjoy but you certainly don’t have to)

Ready For It?-- 7/10 what the actual fuck taylor. bitch marathoned s1 and s2 of the expanse and came up with this, which is seemingly about an older woman preying on a younger man (!!!!) and she literally opens the song with “knew he was a killer” I CANNOT also “let the games begin” x3???? ALL THEY DO IS PLAY GAMES TAY TAY PLEASE STOP ALSO THIS IS CHRISJEN’S FACE DURING THIS SONG:

“End Game” -- 4/10 this song has ed sheeran on it so therefore it sucks...but it is essentially about wanting to be another’s end game (that is...the text of the song) also sheeran (sigh) sings the line “we connected when we were little bit older” and like???? like???????????????????????????? also whereas the first song is from chrisjen’s perspective CLEARLY this song is from sadavir’s perspective because he’s the sap in this relationship

I Did Something Bad -- 5/10 OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD “’cause for every lie i tell them/they tell me three/this is how the world works/now all he thinks about is me” if that ain’t it in a nutshell also there’s a reference to but then it goes to a weird place about burning witches and idk taylor

Don’t Blame Me -- 10/10 “don’t blame me, love made me crazy” seriously, did she just alternate between the two of them and secretly CREATE A CONCEPT ALBUM (taylor swift, not-so-secret fucking nerd) “for you, i would cross the line” YEAH YOU CROSSED SEVERAL LINES, SADAVIR essentially this whole song is about someone driven crazy by their love of another person and LIKE. LIKE? OKAY.

(YOU FUCKED UP, BUDDY)

Delicate -- 0/10 eh...a rare misstep from tay tay for what is clearly a ship concept album at this point

Look What You Made Me Do -- 10000/10 HOLY FUCKING SHIT “i don’t like your little games” “the role you made me play/of the fool” sadavir errinwright and taylor swift might be the same fucking person not gonna lie “but i got smarter/i got harder in the nick of time” BOY DID YOU EVER, BUDDY “locked me out and threw a feast” OKAY taylor you’re over-identifying baby “i’m sorry, the old sadavir taylor can’t come to the phone right now/why? oh!/cause he’s she’s dead!” but like just imagine him saying that on the call with jules-pierre...it fits IT FITS

So It Goes... -- 2/10 hmmmm another misstep which is making me think taylor can’t get into chrisjen’s head most of the time (tbf, can any of us????) (the ironic bit about that being that chrisjen’s headspace is preeeeeeeeeeettty similar to sadavir’s, so WHAT GIVES taylor) it does have the line “come here, dressed in black now” which is funny because virtually all sadavir wears is black ha this song feels really fucking long

Gorgeous -- 6/10 the making fun of the way someone talks reminds me more of esteban but whatever. chrisjen does have a boyfriend husband who’s (slightly) older than them (OR HE WAS...THE MYSTERY OF TIME LORD ARJUN)...this is very much a younger chrisjen/sadavir song because it makes chrisjen sound timid which...weird but it fits a little for a younger chrisjen a little smitten by her handsome (sorry, gorgeous) aide...ALSO IT CONTAINS THE LINE “ocean blue eyes, looking in mine” and like...sadavir’s eyes are...well:

Getaway Car -- 3/10 “it was the best of times, the worst of crimes” huh more CRIMES, eh????? there’s a mention of a prison break, clearly indicating taylor’s hope that sadavir gets his ass out of prison on the show...but eh, this isn’t the best one, even if it’s catchy in general

King of My Heart -- -100/10 “we rule the kingdom inside my room” okay fine yes there are PARTS of this song that work but like...eh this again is not great...and NOT A GREAT SONG

Dancing With Our Hands Tied -- 25000/10 “i, i loved you in secret” “oh, twenty-five years old” “oh, how were you to know” OKAY WOW STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING POINT sadavir errinwright has been in love with chrisjen avasarala since the day they fuckin’ met and by god if she didn’t return it eventually really just this whole song is perfect in every way “people started talking, putting us through our paces” OH OKAY (STFU ESTEBAN) and i’m not sayin’ that this whole “dancing” theme fits with my desperate desire to see them dancing at some diplomatic function BUT IT DOES

Dress -- ∞/10 “our secret moments in your crowded room”????? finally taylor gets fucking chrisjen avasarala and it’s about fucking time okay “i don’t want you like a best friend” WOW OKAY I HAVE BEEN BLINDEd BY HOW FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GOD “and if i got burned, at least we were electrified” chrisjen always knew this was fuckin’ doomed, but she was fine with it (until she wasn’t and just shut the fuck down :( ) (also: “flashback when you met me/your buzzcut and my hair bleached” okay but I Would Like To See It) “even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me” ASfiOHGOIHSGIOHIOG THIS ONE BREAKS THE IMAGINARY SCALE THiS SONG IS THe MUSICAL MANIFESTATION OF HER POSTURE IN THIS SCENE:

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things -- 1/10 like from the title you would think it matches but it really doesn’t *shrug* (admittedly: “but you stabbed my back while shaking my hand” okay that is very them)

Call It What You Want -- 3/10 “my castle crumbled overnight/i brought a knife to a gun fight” really i could quote this whole song because it is the chrisjen post-monster and the rocket song...it’s not perfect cause it imagines that she’s still very much in love with sadavir after ALL THE SHIT (and before he redeems himself even AND SHHHH HE WILL GET THE CHANCE)

New Year’s Day -- -1/10 eh...not a great closing song, friend! (taylor’s my friend now) “i can tell it’s gonna be a long road” does work as a lyric for ‘em tho. because oh IS IT EVER. OH IS IT EVER. also the theme of “hold onto the memories”...well it would be nice if chrisjen would do that, yeah...YEAH “please don’t ever become a stranger/whose laugh i could recognize anywhere” oh wept nvm can i change the rating for this one????

thanks for coming to my taylor ted talk

#assholes...IN SPACE #i am not tagging this as the show #but knowing my luck it'll show up there ANYWAY #i both love and hate this post #but I HAVE DEMONS TO EXORCISE

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arbitrarilymine · 5 years

Text

Tuesday, 04.06.2019, 22:24

Liking something can be such a huge motivation. And such a big motivating factor to just learn and do things. Like -

Because I like dolls, I:

Figured out, at the age of 15, how to buy things online without a bank account or credit or debit card. (The answer is, buy through group orders, or someone else doing the order, and request to pay in cash.) But also, when I did get a bank account (and still no card), I figured out how to get paypal (properly, not the fake your age method), and how to buy things and get them shipped to me without my parents knowing (send it to a friend)

Figured out how to do faceups with online forum tutorials. Back then, photo and text explanations were the norm, video tutorials weren’t really a thing. But anyway, a totally new skill picked up. It’s helpful to have drawn alot before this, but still, pastel and painting were new grounds for me.

Figured out what a respirator is, why it matters, and how to use it properly

Figured out a way to manage my expenses (done on excel) even though back then it was just doll related

Figured out how to sew because I didn’t have the money to buy them clothes. Figured out how to make patterns even though I’m still not really sure how to do it. Also learnt how to use the sewing machine from my mum though I’m not that good at it.

Figured out how to sand and mod a doll. Sanding from rough to smooth grit, what to use, how to sand with water so I don’t get so much dust

Figured out how to remove faceups using isopropyl alcohol and acetone, and where to find such stuff in Singapore

Learnt how to take photos, decided to learn more using a DSLR

Figured out how to use photoshop to edit photos and the effects in it way before I did started doing Architecture

Started making videos on youtube because I wanted more doll videos

Figured out how to cut wigs, furwigs and fibre wigs alike, to make the hairstyles I wanted my OCs to have

Figured out how to make costume jewelry for dolls, with simple tools bought off the shelf

Because I like Kpop (Infinite, Monsta X, Block B, Exo...), I:

Figured out how to make gifs in one day using online tutorials (already had photoshop skills then, which helped)

Started writing fanfic and now I have 4 years of fanfic written (a total 82 works, 453491 words published online, and there’s more in my drafts)

Through fanfic, learnt how to make stories that are appealing, did alot of research on tropes, different genres of story, different ways of story telling (kishotenketsu aka plot without conflict, which is different from the usual western way of plot with a distinct conflict etc). I figured out that I like slice of life alot for it’s mundane-ness, but also vampire fics alot. And that any sort of relationship with imbalances in power dynamics is not my jam. What I like and what I like to read have similarities but don’t overlap exactly. I also learn what polyamorous relationships are and generally a lot of lgbtq+ relationship dynamics and things that I don’t really get in traditional media

Made a ficfest with two online (Singaporean) fans for Infinite to encourage people to write more fics. Sure, we weren’t very successful but we tried really hard and we did this for almost a year, got a few authors to write a few stories, and we ourselves made over 50 moodboards for inspiration

Started looking at exercise as something positive, like, if the people I like enjoy exercising so much, and talk about its benefits, maybe there’s something in it for me. The biggest inspiration was Wonho who went from scrawny kid to buff dude but like, still remained really kind-hearted and soft and just, this whole combination wasn’t something I really learned to value from the way I was brought up, but it was an attitude I really admire regardless. And I learnt that I have the capacity to be moved by things like this, and to also adjust the biases or inherent assumptions I have

Did alot of research on BDSM and kinks and a lot of non-traditional things that I think I was always interested to know about and felt okay about actually reading up and knowing and writing and reading and discussing such things in a community of writers who did similar stuff. And realised there’s so much more in the dynamics behind these kinks, why people have them, how people can engage in them safely, what are safe practices and good practices, and just, having that knowledge also brings with it a better awareness of how similar power dynamics affect normal (unkinky) relationships

In a similar train of thought, to reserve judgement when I see people write or know or whatever certain things, because you can know something, write it, but not necessarily be agreeble to it (that’s why warning tags agree. It conveys self-awareness without telling the writer, no, you can’t write about this touchy taboo topic)

Learnt how to think horizontally when writing fics

Learnt how to get a beta to read my fics, or even why test readers (and cheerleaders) are important in a project like writing a fic. It’s my name on that fic but it’s with the help of alot of people sometimes, and that’s also why community matters

Thought about fandom, private spaces in online spheres and also constructive critique and non-constructive criticism and feedback on creative work

Read up on copyright laws, both for image use for moodboards, fanart and fanfic rights and ownership and whether one can make money off of it

Because I liked piercings, I:

Did research on how to get them safely, so so much research. From videos, from articles. Trying to figure out what’s credible, what’s not

Got piercings, also realised how biased I can be when someone has piercings. It’s a positive bias and completely groundless, like I see someone with piercings, it’s like +2 impression points or something, like I don’t know why. But it’s definitely something I should be aware of because of how seemingly groundless it is

Because I like unnaturally coloured hair, I:

Learnt how to bleach my hair with youtube tutorials and articles and learnt the dangers of doing so before I did it

Learnt how to dye my hair myself, how to transition between shades of cool and warm colours

Experimented and figured out the rest by actually dyeing my hair, enlisting the help of dorm mates

Learnt that purple is a colour that never shows up on my hair, maybe unless I bleach my hair to almost white

Learnt that I am/behave like a slightly different person with a different hair colour, and that such things affect not just my mood but how I perceive myself. And unnatural hair colours make me feel fun, but more importantly, that I can have them means I have time for myself (to dye my hair and to maintain it), and that kind of mindset is something I miss right now with my natural hair colour

Learnt that I am more open to change and okay with people talking about my hair than I thought, and that it’s fun to keep changing, but also maybe necessary for my psyche, to avoid feeling stagnant and boring

Because I like Peppertones, I:

Set up a tumblr and a blog for them in a day (helped that I’ve had a blogspot and tumblr account for ages before for other things)

Figured out a way to translate Korean songs to English even though my Korean is really really really basic. Like I can read Hangul, I can understand some words, but I can’t really write properly sentences by myself. But despite this, I wanted to know what their song lyrics are so much that I figured that I can use my ability to check a dictionary, my ability to read Chinese (so many things have Chinese translations compared to English), my cross referencing skills, and my Sec 2 literature inference skills to translate their songs despite my language incompetency. And so far I’ve modified 2.5 songs (i.e. added onto existing English translations to make it more accurate) and properly translated 1.5 songs with Chinese lyrics for reference. And there’s more songs in my drafts.

Figured out how to navigate Naver with mostly ctrl-c and ctrl-v of keywords

Compiled playlists of their live performances by individual songs, and created masterlists of their appearances and performances

Looked into Search Engine Optimisation to see how my peppertones blog can be more searchable for people like me who wanted translations of their songs, realising that blogspot is way more indexable than tumblr and finally understanding after so many years why my blogspot doll blog would show up on google image searches while my tumblr never really did

What I’m saying is, like things. Love things. Let your heart do what it wants. And then let these serve as your spark, your driver, and your direction (if for a little while). Let them inspire you, let them bring you to action, and let them remind you a little of why life is worth living. So much of this is not necessarily apparent at first glance because a lot of times, what we like may seem so trivial and trite and pointless, but the energy it offers can be so much more. I’ve learnt and picked up so many things along the way because I liked something so much that I HAD to learn something to do what I wanted to, and I cobbled my way to learning it with whatever available skills I have, and to research the heck out of whatever I didn’t know. And that is such a valuable lesson.

I got a bit caught up in the details while listing some of the things above, but I just wanted to write down what I could before I forget. Obviously if we want to assess, some of these skills are probably more valuable than others. But the point is, all these are things and skills and abilities and learning experiences that can be picked up, and built upon, and they don’t exist in isolation. And maybe the tiny pieces don’t make particularly good sense at this moment, nor do they seem particularly useful, but like leaves falling, over time they’ll make a pile, and if you like something enough, that’s going to be a big pile of leaves, and it’s up to you what you want to do with that.

Me? I’m going to make a bed to lie on with that pile of leaves with my mediocre sewing skills and listen to all the songs I like.

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sherryaptx4869 · 6 years

Text

Making it through love

It’s GinTae month!

Behold, a very short compilation of GinTae moments from the Gintama manga, anime and movie. Try as I might, I cannot do justice for the pair by words because to borrow a line from Westlife’s Home, “the words are cold and flat, and they deserve more than that.” So I looked for pictures detailing in a nutshell why GinTae (aside from OkiKagu) is my OTP. Since they have a lot like really a lot! of moments (aka they know each other heart by heart), I just chose from my pile of screenshots to accurately depict the prompt given which is kind of hard because the prompts blur and overlap with each other. Take these with a grain of salt, because the context of the episode where I took it from might not exactly be as romantic as I want it to be. Remember, this is fan-made. Fanon is not canon. But I wonder about that in this case because the Easter egg hints came directly from the creator of the series himself haha I’m also proud to say that no fan arts are included here to drive my point home that Gintoki and Tae are as canon as we can get from Sorachi very close to being married officially.

This is just the tip of the GinTae iceberg that will sink other ships. This does not capture the entirety of GinTae moments in the manga, anime, movie, OVA, live-action movie and even the audio CDs. Treat this as a preview of many GinTae moments.

For now, I hope you have fun with this one as much as I did when I was scouring my hoard of Gintama images. This is dedicated to all the GinTae fans. If you don’t like this content, just ignore then scram. Credits go to Sorachi-sensei and to the production of the anime where I took the screenshots from.

First Meeting: Watch out! Your soulmate might just appear from behind you while riding your scooter!

Realization: If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question (as manifested by Gintoki and Tae time and time again from the start of the series up to this point).

The Reveal: Put a ring on it! It must be great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Date: Put your best foot forward!

Reminder: Booze and sweet stuff for both the lady and the gent.

New to the Family: A pretty serious relationship with someone long-term requires an introduction to the family. And whoah! There’s a whole spectrum of shenanigans they get into.

Jealousy: (Play Nick Jonas’s Jealous for the feels haha) It’s not Gin-san’s fault that the ladies hover. But it is Tae’s every right to be hellish because she’s (*whispers*) jealous the wife.

As for Gin-san… he’s making his fist and his dirty tricks do the talking to protect the woman he cared about. (Look at Kagura’s unimpressed face (and Shinpachi’s shrieking) haha, I bet the paragon of adult wisdom she considered to be Gintoki just crumbled to dust.)

Laughter: Sometimes your silver samurai turns out to be just an idiot perm-haired samurai.

First Kiss: Exactly what it sounds like— but no, there are no kisses in the anime. Paging Hattori Zenzo, please tell us since you saw the whole exchange

Thirdwheeling: Come with us, they said. It would be fun they said. Tag yourself, am I being extra?

Flustered: The sweetness of strawberry parfait oozing out of the Smeggy Samurai’s words and gestures makes him sappy with Pony-chan whose cheeks are tinted with blush yihee *heart*

Rest: Gin-san resting before he gets tired lols. But hey, it’s usually the Kodokan Dojo, the Shimura’s residence where Gintoki lounges about. We also see Tae checking up on the Yorozuya trio regularly as well as to pay her respects to Gintoki’s mom figure- Otose.

Shopping: GinTae shopping for clothes together. Two years later, it is also while shopping for clothes that Tae through a series of unfortunate events brought home Gin-san (and Hijikata) wearing undies on his face.

Food: It’s not only love that is shared, also carbs.

Cherry blossom viewing (Hanami): The Sakata family wringing the beauty out of life. They seize the day over bento boxes (courtesy of Mom Tae) and sake-filled glasses (courtesy of Dadtoki). Of course, the day is completed with a showdown with their frienemy the Shinsengumi. And to cap the day off, look at the reverence and fondness the three are giving to Gin-san.

Rainy Day: Rainy days won’t keep our Queen of Kabuki-cho from hanging out with her family. Mom Tae even had a bento prepared. How thoughtful and sweet!

Super Powers: Plagiarize your way to success. In real life, don’t! It’s a crime. Here is Dragon Ball x Bleach x One Piece = DragonBleaPiece. Yeah, only in Gintama!

Holding Hands: When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold, don’t let go. (I was singing Heart by Heart performed by Demi Lovato on this part so you’ll find a lot of references to the song <3)

Spellbound: We don’t need any spells for GinTae to be together. See here they even act silly together. Also in an AU, Gin the bully is controlled kept in check by class-president Tae. In the Love Potion arc, no amount of love potion can dope Gin-san to forget that the hand he is supposed to hold is Tae’s.

Surprise Gift: Tae is up to something… Surprisingly enough (or maybe not), it is her infamous Dark Matter that makes one hate surprises when they are presented the honor of eating Tae’s magnum opus.

Dispute:

Yagyuu arc, Gintoki: It’s like Tae doesn’t hear a word I say. Her mind is somewhere far away. Like she doesn’t even care.

Benizakura arc, Tae: I know this whole city thinks it needs you but not as much as I (and Shinpachi and Kagura) do.

Gin-san went out anyways, and Tae let him.

(Btw, collage is not mine. CTTO. I’m sorry I forgot from whom I took the photo from)

Angst: Gintoki (disguising as Takasugi) is in a predicament. He doesn’t want Tae to find out he is back in Edo after two years of wandering about. No, not yet. Certainly not in those clothes (or the lack thereof).

Rescue: It’s not always the damsel that is in distress. Sometimes, gotta rescue the perm-hair and his friend the long-hair. Oh the things we do for love!

Tragedy: This was when Kagura faked her illness that led to her “dying” (as orchestrated by the Sadist Prince Okita) and after the Liberation war. Meantime, it is best to grab what wonderful moments you find lying around.

Support: Behind a man’s downfall or success is a woman. Tae’s are the only eyes that can see into and through Gintoki and vice versa. They read each other like a book. They support each other in any way that they can. They even got each other’s hearts backs.

Cliche: They’re unaware of how cliché they’re being when it comes to their romantic feelings. Everyone can see that they have this thing going on, only they can’t see it. Talk about dense. Go on, don’t be shy just say it out loud.

Memories: Let’s intrude on our favourite kind of gathering – walking down memory lane with Tae and Gin-san. Pretend they are looking over a photo album to see how far they’ve come. Looking on are Madao Hasegawa-san and Catherine.

The Power of Two: GinTae accomplishing a goal that neither of them would’ve been capable of doing alone. Just look at the picture, I have nothing more to say haha

“I love you”s: Can Gin-san be more roundabout in saying those words to Tae so they can live together as man and wife. Probably go ask the other half of your sadist duo aka Okita Sogo how to propose/ say you love her the unconventional way. (I’m referring to how Okita proposed to Kagura. Oh well, that’s for another post)

Different Ways of Saying “I love you”: I’m stumped. I don’t know what to say. Every one of their interaction is gold. Just show how you feel and make it real. And to Sorachi-sensei, one good way to hide something is in plain sight. People often forget to look at something right in front of them. Kudos!

And I end this lengthy post to that last panel with Tae saying she understands Gin. The way he’s complicated is simple. Isn’t that sweet? Might I add, Gin-san being a sweet-talker and sappy is really cringe worthy haha. Tae and Gin-san found a way to find each other thanks to Shinpachi boy. From then on, it’s like she’s been in his life forever with the way she understands his heart by heart. Anego and Danna making it through love. The gods have spoken.

#gintaeweek2018 #gintaefestival #gintaemonth #gintama #gintae

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audreyandherocs · 5 years

Text

Bleach OC: Watanabe Fumiko

Name: Watanabe Fumiko

Age: Same age as Ichigo and Gang

Birthday: January 18th (Capricorn)

Race: Full-bringer/Human

Physical Traits: Black Hair/Dark Turquoise hair, amber eyes, Average Build/Height (5’4”-5’5”), Her canine fang is a bit sharper, has a cowlick/hair ends, a scar from a Hollow attack on her arm.

Weak constitution is normally fine/has fainted due to overexertion; normal to have fevers

Clothes; Likes to wear skirts, with either long socks, shorts, or leggings underneath. Wears typically boots, and short sleeved hoodies when possible. She also wears a variation of gloves but typically wears arms sleeves/wraps to cover her scar; even though most people can’t see it too clearly without spiritual abilities.

Personality: Pessimistic, Responsible, disciplined, good manners/polite, unforgiving, anxious, kind/compassionate,

Strengths: Responsible, disciplined, self-control, good manners

Weakness: Know it all, unforgiving, condescending, expects the worst

Likes: Family, Tradition, Music (particularly singing), quality craftsmanship, flowers, sweets/cute things, peaches

Dislikes: hard things, tense (situations), umeboshi, bugs

Abilities:

- Uses a Fullbringer weapon, a Naginata, with the object being an Ornamental Hairpin

- Her singing voice. Embedded in her vocal waves, carries some spiritual aspect to it and can have a variation of effects. Depending n the emotions or effect of the song, Fumiko can produce an effect in her song which can effect people.

o This becomes more apparent after the Aizen incident, when her Hollow side adds to the effect of her singing; affecting other Hollows in the process.

Backstory Info:

Fumiko is the only child of Watanabe Karou and Watanabe Akikra. Her parents first met when her mother was being marked by a Hollow of her deceased parents who abused her. Her father, Karou, who had some level of spiritual sense, also went to the same university as Akikra, was concerned for her when he felt something off.

When he followed her one day to make sure she got home safe, he saw the Hollow attacking Akikra and was surprised. He managed to rescue Akikra long enough for a Shinigami to come by and he ran with Akikra in tow.

This is also when Karou and Akikra first met Kurosaki Isshin and Masaki. Isshin and Masaki helped the pair and got to know each other over the years.

After that event, Karou and Akikra became a couple and got married. They later gave birth to Fumiko and raised her in Karakura.

Fumiko grew up with her parents, but also her grandmother, Chiho: who grew up in a strict household and decided to live away from the main family. Long after her husband had died and made sure the main household would operate fine when in the hands of the next “leader”, Chiho decided to live with her son Karou; he decided to live away from the family and be independent when he was old enough. Chiho also came consequently when Akikra was pregnant with Fumiko.

What Fumiko remembered the most of Chiho was her grandmother tending to the garden, wearing her kimono, and the ornamental hairpin that she kept in her hair. Chiho taught Fumiko many things early in life, traditions from their family and how to use a Naginata.

One day, Fumiko was riding her bike with her family in tow. She decided to go faster and created some distance between her and her family; despite her family’s warnings.

Then all of a sudden, a Hollow attacked her and Fumiko received a bite mark on her arm that became a scar. That was her first encounter with a Hollow. Her parents and grandmother got to her in time and was told she got it from falling off her bike.

Fumiko believed it but she also knew it was a lie. She still has re-occurring nightmares of that event and flinches when she sees a Hollow.

Her grandmother one day gave her the pin that she always wore, and three days later, Chiho had died due to an ‘accident’.

Fumiko felt the loss of her grandmother and were at time tried to throw away the pin, but she never could and carries it with her; but never using it really.

This was how Fumiko got closer to Ichigo, as she went to the same grade school as him. They had always known each other but never got closer beyond classmates. When the news of Fumiko’s grandmother had passed away, Ichigo and Fumiko found solidarity in each other based on their experiences; due to the close time and spacing between Masaki’s and Chiho’s deaths.

Fumiko also became slightly closer to Tatsuki throughout it all.

As time went on, Fumiko and Ichigo got closer and were friends. This led to Fumiko coming over to Ichigo’s home many times and was already acquainted with Isshin due to her parents. She also helped take care of Yuzu and Karin, and occasionally the twins will refer her to as “Fumiko-nee” or a variation of that.

In middle school, Ichigo introduced Sado/Chad to Fumiko, who found the boy charming in his own way and found it commendable for his loyalty towards Ichigo.

In her second year of Junior High, Fumiko was asked out by a boy who was her classmate at the time. Fumiko didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but the boy persisted, making her uncomfortable.

Ichigo stepped in one day when things were getting out of hand and came to her defense. Though it was never stated, Ichigo and Fumiko acted like Ichigo was her boyfriend. To further drive the point and make it more believable, Ichigo offered to act as Fumiko’s boyfriend, “to make sure the creep stopped”, and not seeing how this could go wrong, agreed.

This lasted for an entire year and went until the end of Junior High.

Right before they were to enter Karakura High School, Fumiko and Ichigo talked with each other and broke it off; since the guy pursuing her was not going to be in the same high school as them since his parents had to move for work and wanted him to enter another high school in the same district as them.

Ichigo and Fumiko broke it off in good terms and continued as friends; though there is still some form of love between them.

The only person who knew of their relationship upfront was Sado/Chad, Tatsuki, and a speculation from Orihime.

Fumiko in a sense, still loves Ichigo, but is aware that she can’t be with him forever. She knows too much about him already and can’t support him the way that is best for him (i.e. allowing him to go out due to his sense of protection when she knows ultimately that he will be injured heavily). She can only support him as a friend but nothing else.

She promised Ichigo she’ll be there for him, but she is not the one for him.

Overtime, Fumiko has a growing appreciation for Sado/Chad for not only for his loyalty, but also his quiet but strong demeanor. However, what frustrates her about Sado is his own sense of recklessness; making Fumiko worry for him.

Full-Bringer:

Object: Fumiko’s Grandmother’s Ornamental Hairpin

Description: A wooden pole, with a regular naginata blade. The handguard is shaped with a four petal flower.

Background:

The object itself is actually very old. Chiho inherited from her own mother when she reached a certain age, and the line of inheritance goes back to Chiho’s great grandmother. It was later revealed by Kisuke that the ornamental hair was made as a protective charm against Hollows; as for some reason, the female members of the descents were always targeted by Hollows due to their unique Resihi.

The actual process of making these protective charms was mostly lost due to an incident and many of the females of the descents had little or none spiritual energy. There were records left behind that explained how but without any spiritual sense, the information was useless.

Until the faithful day that Fumiko came into the world. Due to the circumstances of her birth, Fumiko was born as a Fullbringer and being Chiho’s descent, her spiritual energy was stronger. Chiho had a certain level of spiritual sense, so she knew she had to come up with another way to make another protective charm.

She poured the records but lacked the actual power to make one properly; this is when she came into contact with Kisuke; recognizing him from not their world. She went to him with the records and wanted him to figure a way how to make a protective charm, but when Kisuke was about on his way to doing so, Fumiko was attacked.

Chiho frightened that her grandchild would die from being attacked again, she gave Fumiko the hairpin as she thought that Kisuke would be able to make one fast enough.

However, this proved to be wrong as Chiho was attacked by a Hollow and died. The whole incident was written off as an ‘unfortunate accident’ but Fumiko and her parents knew better.

Kisuke held the records for his safe keeping until Fumiko was old enough or developed any spiritual progress.

One day, when Fumiko was walking with Yuzu and Karin, she noticed a Hollow following them. Fumiko panicked as the flashback of her being attacked Hollow ran through her mind. The only thought she could was take her to Kisuke’s as it was nearby.

Fumiko gave the twins some money and told them with a smile to buy some candy and stay with the nice man, since she had a boring errand to do and left with Kisuke and Tessai yelling after her.

The Hollow scar on her arm throbbed as she got the attention of the Hollow, leading it away as far as she could. It eventually caught up to her and was blown away from it’s attack.

Flashbacks raged through her mind from all those years ago and Fumiko remembered her grandmother. She gripped the ornamental hairpin and closed her eyes to brace for the inevitable.

In a split moment, she remembered all the people she knew and how she was going to leave behind and felt something within her burn.

At that moment, the Hollow shirked and Fumiko opened her eyes to see the ornamental hairpin replaced with a ko-naginata. The pole was made out of the same wood as the ornamental hair pin, with a sleek single-edged blade. The handguard that was normally round, was replaced with a handguard designed with a four-petal flower.

Founding new found power, Fumiko fought against the Hollow. It took a bit but with help from Kisuke and Yourichi who came by, Fumiko was enlightened about the world around her.

She was then told of the secret behind the Ornamental Hairpin and how it would protect her. However, due to her growing power it would still attract Hollows and Kisuke wasn’t sure if the charm would no longer be effective.

It was later discovered, after the whole incident with Aizen and when her ornamental hairpin broke, it was had supressed her more Hollow side to her until it broke due to the experimentation by Aizen.

More Bio information:

Due to the nature of how Fumiko was born and what occurred in her early life, Fumiko contains a more dominant Hollow aspect to herself then most Fullbringers. The ornamental charm aids in supressing it however, allowing Fumiko to live unassumingly.

However, as time went on with her spiritual powers growing stronger, her Hollow side also growing in turn, the ornamental charm could only do so much. This lead to allowing her Hollow side to surface but it was never a take over.

This all changed during the Arrancar Arc.

When Fumiko was coming back from the Karakura hospital after getting a check-up and getting a refill of her prescriptions, she felt an immense spiritual pressure. Recognizing it when she encountered Yammy and Ulquiorra, she ran as far as she could from the Hospital. As time went on, her Hollow side started to surface, and she tried to force it down, with her scar reacted strongly to the spiritual pressure. This all caused her to feel sick and made her numb.

Before Fumiko knew it, she was kidnapped by an Arrancar. No one knew she had gone missing and the Shinigamis who were there, arrived to late to know Fumiko was gone either. Ichigo and Sado, who typically accompanied Fumiko, were also none of the wiser due to their own circumstances (with Ichigo training and Sado still unconscious and healing from Yammy). The others were too pre-occupied and Orihime wasn’t aware of Fumiko’s appearance either. Uruyuu who was closer, didn’t also notice due to recovering his spiritual pressure.

An effect was induced somehow, where no one realized she was missing until it was far too late.

This all slowly came to light when Orihime was being held hostage by Aizen. Ichigo and Sado thought it was weird that Fumiko hadn’t come by, but due to Ichigo’s nature; believed it was a good idea that Fumiko didn’t come and assumed she was resting at home.

While Orihime was at the Huenco Muecho, she wasn’t aware that Fumiko was in the same building; as Aizen conducted experiments onto Fumiko due to her more Hollow nature, and proceeded if he could make her into an Arrancar or something else. He also performed psychological manipulation as he showed images of Ichigo and the others all blissfully unaware that Fumiko was here. He also emphasized that they knew Orihime was missing and went to save her, and they weren’t here because of Fumiko.

This slowly lead to Fumiko’s mental state to become unbalanced and the final trigger occurred when Aizen tells her that they didn’t care enough about her or included her enough. Fumiko finally caves in, due to the fact she already expects the worse, and her Hollow side erupted from her; taking over due to the instability. Her ornamental hairpin was on the verge of breaking and Fumiko used her fullbringer as her weapon that became warped as well.

This caused Fumiko to become an Arrancar but with a Hollow mindset before Aizen released her to attack her friends.

This caused everyone to realize that Fumiko wasn’t back home and she was here the entire time, and they were all unaware that she was missing with Orihime.

This later caused Ichigo to feel guilty afterwads that he failed to protect Fumiko and that he didn’t pay attention to her. Sado also felt guilty because he felt just as protective and close to Fumiko and she was Ichigo’s close one (as he was also aware that Ichigo and Fumiko had dated in Junior High). Orihime also felt bad because the others were here to rescue her but not Fumiko, which lead to this state and that she didn’t check on Fumiko before she left.

After the group manages to save her, Fumiko’s ornamental hairpin shattered causing her to be unstable even further. Fumiko was entrusted into the hands of Sado who was there to keep her calm and console her; with Orihime doing her best to heal Fumiko.

After the whole Aizen incident and Ichigo losing his powers, Fumiko and Ichigo got back together again to support each other. With Fumiko still recovering from her ordeal and unable to ground herself, and Ichigo feeling guilty and that by being with her, he could protect her more and make up for it all. He also does this to be able to protect he cares about.

Later down the road, Ichigo and Fumiko have a talk where they talk about what happened and Fumiko later confesses to Ichigo while she still loves him and will be there for him, they both know they aren’t meant to be together in the end as she can’t let him do what he needs to do. She however promises if at some point they don’t get together with anyone, they would get together.

Later however, Fumiko confesses to Ichigo that she may have fallen in love with Sado; to which Ichigo fully encourages and supports her (which Ichigo later manages to get out Sado that he too has feelings for Fumiko).

Why Aizen kidnapped Fumiko:

This all took place during the time when the Ichigo and gang went to rescue Rukia in the Soul Society. Along the way, Fumiko got separated and encountered Aizen; which her (Hollow) instincts knew something was off and that he was a threat.

Fumiko remembered very little other then fighting someone and a part of herself was brought out; and was heavily injured.

Aizen was interested at seeing Fumiko but was even more interested when he saw Fumiko again when Yammy and Ulquiorra first appeared in Karakura town, upon seeing the development.

This development was kickstarted when Fumiko arrived at the scene and saw Sado’s heavily injured state and was thrown into a rage; allowing her Hollow self to appear. This is when the ornamental hairpin begins to break.

After the Aizen incident, Urahara later reveals the truth to Fumiko about her heritage and how her Grandmother came by to see him. He later gives Fumiko the rundown about the ornamental hairpin, which lead to Fumiko training to control her Hollow side as well as learning how to make new ornamental hairpins.

(crosses into Fullbringer Arc).

How Fumiko confesses to Sado and ends up with him:

Fumiko had a growing affection for Sado but she never acted upon them. It was more of a quiet adoration. However, as time goes on by and when things becoming more intense, Fumiko becomes more worried for Sado due to his own protective nature and loyalty.

While she admires Sado for it, she also irks at it because it’s very similar to how Ichigo acts out.

Before and during the Fullbringer Arc, Fumiko and Sado got closer as he checks up on her when he can. There are times they have hung out together and a growing affection is created between them.

Sado is also there for Fumiko when she has a mental relapse, due to the experimentation and psychological damage from Aizen; as well as her being there for her when her Hollow side becomes too hard to supress.

While she is also vulnerable to Ichigo about these matters, she is less frequent with him since she can tell he still feels empty and lost from losing his spiritual powers.

Sado is particularly helpful because he doesn’t need to say anything and this allows Fumiko feels secure when she is enveloped by him.

This later makes Sado feel more attached to Fumiko but refrained from getting to close because to him, Fumiko belonged to Ichigo.

After Fumiko and Ichigo break up again (on good terms once more), Sado becomes closer to Fumiko but still keeps himself back a little. It’s only after Sado is fighting a Hollow and protects Fumiko, that she finally snaps and breaks down that she loves Sado just as much she did for Ichigo, and she can’t see him use himself as a Shield and take all the hits; even if he can handle it all.

This mental imbalance in Fumiko, brings out her Hollow side and her voice drew out a ton of Hollows; which Fumiko and Sado fought off. When they barely scrapped by and took refuge at Urahara’s; they waited for Orihime to come by and this is when Fumiko and Sado have a talk with each other (with Fumiko being emotional and losing her composure).

This caused Sado to feel compelled and kiss Fumiko, shocking her but was welcomed.

After the physical sign of a confession, Sado also confesses his feelings orally for Fumiko and offer to try out going out together to explore these new developments.

Fumiko agrees and that’s when Sado and Fumiko pursued a romantic relationship. They were about to seal the deal but were interrupted by a smirking Urahara who warned them not to get too invested since Orihime was here.

Along with Orihime, Ichigo and Uruyuu also came by to see if the two were alright. Though it was never explicitly said in the moment, the others had a hunch that something had developed between Sado and Fumiko; with Uruyuu noticing first and Ichigo and Orihime.

#my OC #oc info #oc introduction #bleach oc #Watanabe Fumiko

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sakuya123draws · 6 years

Note

for the end of year meme: 1, 8, 10, 14, 20 !! Please and thank you!

OH MAH GOD IT’S LATE!!! (I am so sorry @nalufever I finally got around to answering asks and I’m starting with the most recent ones!! It’s appropriate as they are for the “End of the year” meme I reblogged!)

Anyways, without further ado, let’s answer these lovely questions~! >w

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

A: Well, I guess that is the first thing to ask when jumping from one year to the other! ^_^ If I’m being honest the year started out really bad. Lots of family problems, stress from college and my horrible relationship was weighing me down and draining me of my energy. I never want to blame anything on anyone, but I was in a dysfunctional relationship with someone and I finally got out of it around April. It’s a long story, but I don’t feel like dwelling on that stuff. I’m stronger now! (I mean I “hope” so ^ ^;) I was happy that I got in the honours roll for my first year which gave me entry to showing my artwork to judges at the college I got to! It was an amazing experience and I made some cool friends along the way! It’s a small class, but we’re like a family. :D As for my actual family, I lost my grandma…She was an inspiration to me and even today I will always show my appreciation for my grandparents! Other than that, my family had gotten better and we can finally understand each other a bit more when it comes to communication which is always a plus!! :3 Even on here with Tumblr being who it is, I still have lots of friends that didn’t leave and I’m happy to see they are better from last year! In short, (cause you can see THIS is a paragraph xD) I think the year was wishy-washy! It was all over the place, but it made up for it at the end to be called “good”. ^v^

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

(I thought of him when I thought of the word fashion xD Don’t kill me, I LOVE Max

A: Even though my mom is a lady who lives by fashion, I can’t say I know the styles of 2018! ;w; I looked up a source (well you know Vogue and all that jazz :/) to base my opinion on. I only think this would be easier if I could say what I “loved”, but it’s a hate one so gotta be mean xD lol. I mean I never “hate” anything, so I’m gonna give it a shot.

One thing I don’t like about fashion trends if I’m being frank is that it’s usually clothes on the runway. Many styles I see based on Vogue’s source are styles I can’t see the everyday person wearing. Personally, I wouldn’t wear half of those designs outside. That’s just me. My sense of style is a hybrid of my mom’s fashion she wears/sells, 80′s-90′s fashions and cutesy outfits. (that I think I’d look bad in ;w;) I’m gonna give a small bullet point list. (I know I always say small xD)

Arty Impressions - This was the first one on the article I read. From what I can gather it’s fashion with famous works printed on it. (Artworks, for example, Andy Warhol’s, screenprints) I mean I can see the connection, but for me wearing something with a reproduced art piece is hard for me to personally wear. LIke it has to be done like how T-shirts have a design in the middle or small embellishments on it to make me wear it. The example I saw is fun and creative, but for me, I couldn’t see myself liking/wearing those pieces. It depends. 5/10? I guess xD

Plastic/see-through material - This honestly has been a reoccurring style that I have seen. It’s become more prominent now according to last year’s trends. I can’t stand the “see-through” look. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just too awkward to wear outside. LIke people will defend that you can wear what you want, but for ME and ME Only, I can’t wear those kinds of stuff. I would feel very scared/concerned with how I look. (Even to myself) If you don’t know what I am referring to, I mean like that umbrella looking material. (I’ve added the source in the paragraph above for this question! ^_^)

Geometric/Flannel Print - I can never see myself liking the flannel scene. For pyjamas, no problem! To wear outside, I can’t bring myself to do that. You can see me in an old sweater, but flannel I don’t think any of my friends have seen me in that xD I just can’t say it’s aesthetically pleasing to me. I have a problem liking this style. Maybe I will when I get older, but as I’m young and creative I see myself wearing clothes for the young generation! :P (my mom says that anyways xD lol) The clothes that make you feel like partying, even though you don’t go outside like me xD lol

As much as I love talking about fashion, I think I would bore everyone with my opinions. xD (You’re definitely not here for these are you? xD If so, thank you)

10. What song sums up this year for you?

A: I don’t have a definite answer, but I went through a lot of things. Many times I wanted to be in a dream world…Like to escape everything. All the pain and depression. I still feel that way, but in 2018 it was WAY worse. This song I originally heard in Silent Hill: Downpour (A GAME I LOVE ;w;) was a song I thought of when I see this question. I think it’s a great song! sad, but I’d recommend it. The singer’s voice is lovely. It invokes so many emotions in me ;w; (I’ll give a youtube link)

Ed Harcourt - From Every Sphere

14. Favorite new TV show?

(I HAD to make it this guy >w

WARNING: HUGE ANSWER BELOW!

A: Well, as you may know, I don’t watch many shows anymore. I mostly play video games, but for the sake of this amazing question, I’ll say what anime(s) I did enjoy last year! I don’t think I’ve ever loved an anime as much as I love Gintama. It’s really funny because I originally “disliked” Gintama. It was a naive thing for the young me to have said at the time. I judged the show so harshly after seeing anime (IMO) being shat on with the usual themes and scenes I ALWAYS see. I began to give up on anime as a whole. My story starts when I was pissed at my brother telling me, “Gintama is amazing Tash, trust me you’ll regret hating it.” I answered with my normal response of, “ sure Ja, you ALWAYS say that. How will this be any different?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that…Well, it’s too late now for present-day me. My brother showed me all the “humorous” parts first. (I honestly felt like he tricked me, but the show really starts that way xD) Anyways, we eventually watched a few episodes and I told him I didn’t understand the humour. (it’s honestly hard to get into if you’re not open-minded or don’t understand the comedy Sorachi uses) Until he decided to hit me with his ace, “The Shinsengumi Crisis Arc”. All I can say is, a different side of me was born. I started to see what a show could truly offer if it was done right, the way I wanted to see it. It’s hard to explain, but without Gintama’s sad/inspirational/happy/stupid/clever story writing/arcs I don’t think I would have ever gotten through 2018. I haven’t finished the episodes as of its recent update, but I really learned a lot from the show. I want to give a HUGE shoutout to Sorachi for writing this masterpiece and I would 10000% recommend it to ANYONE! It’s a show that changed my views on people’s situations and lives. I think all the arcs are amazingly written and so far I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it! It really got me in the feels. I can honestly say that if you can’t feel after seeing an arc in Gintama, you haven’t felt. It’s that amazing! (Then AGAIN, it’s an opinion not everyone will sadly share xD) Also, I am really enjoying Bleach! I’m sad at how it ended in terms of what things happened and I honestly hope Kubo will be ok. I loved his episodes and the earliest ones really touched my heart like Gintama. He’s also really great at making me cry every episode! :P

(GOD SORRY FOR THE ESSAY AND STUPID STORY LINES xD I’m sorry I can’t add a RM for this b/c then everything under can’t be seen like the other answers ;w;)

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

Well…YES! Many obsessions!! The real question is which is the one that I obsess over the most? Well I’ll put some bullet points to hopefully make it smaller xD

First of all, I don’t want to say it but I’ve taken a “liking” (what an understatement lol) to Gin Ichimaru from Bleach~! >////

I think everyone knows, but I have an obsession with cute/pink/pretty stuff. (Can it be called that?) I just LOVE pastel colours or pinks/blues/purples. Those kinds of soft colours you see in Hello Kitty toys or Fairy Kei/Kawaii merch (if I’m correct xD) I just have a HUGE soft spot for childhood stuff! I literally still act like a kid xD lol I don’t think I’ll be growing up anytime soon haha xD lol I just love to collect them! :)

Vaporwave I guess has become a new obsession and old art styles of the past! I just can’t stop being in awe at those marble statues! The curvature and bodies are so magnificent! >w

So many different art styles that are brought to this world! :D This is the truth! I absolutely love most styles I see on here and whenever I encounter them! >w

Other than that, I don’t think I have any other obsessions I know about :P Sorry, I’m super boring xD That’s the art student life lol (only me guys xD dw)

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR MESSAGING ME AND SENDING THIS AMAZING ASK YOU AWESOME PERSON!!! @nalufever I am so happy to have gotten something from you and I hope you’ve had a great Christmas and Happy New Year, friend!! I hope you stay happy and healthy this year!! All the best to you! Thank so much once again for taking the time :)

If anyone else is interested, you can send me something as well~!

Take care from me and Happy New Years everyone!!!

Saku~!

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thoseflashinggreeneyes · 7 years

Text

Tracking gendered language in Reputation

Any queer person who’s ever spoken carefully about a relationship has played the pronoun game -- you know, the one where you talk about the person you’re seeing while dutifully avoiding revealing their gender. (For prime examples, check out the way Taylor talks about the relationships that inspired “Treacherous” and “Out of the Woods.”)

If you’ve played this game, you know it’s DIFFICULT to talk about a person without using gendered language -- that’s a result of a highly cis-normative culture, shout to trans+ and non-binary folks who have to deal with this bullshit every day. Yet on Reputation, an album widely agreed to be a love album about Taylor’s current relationship, she almost never uses gendered pronouns to discuss her current love. Let’s take a look at the songs and how Taylor extremely deliberately uses (and avoids) gendered pronouns:

...Ready For It?: This song sets up the theme of duality that permeates the album. Taylor uses male pronouns in the verses, which describe her public relationships, in which men are her jailers. The choruses (which feel dreamy, light, and intimate compared with the dark, heavily produced verses) use no gendered pronouns. The video makes this even more clear by aligning the verses with a fake Taylor, whereas the choruses represent authentic Taylor, trapped behind glass, using her voice to break free.

End Game: The only gendered language in the song is, “I don’t wanna miss you like the other girls do.” This could refer to a person of any gender with female ex-lovers.

I Did Something Bad: Here we’re continuing the theme established in the verses of “Ready For It,” where Taylor uses dark sounds and language to explore her public relationships with men.

Don’t Blame Me: Same theme of duality here! She talks about the “older guys” who are “just playthings for me to use,” but when it comes to the lover who drives her to obsession, no gendered language in sight.

Delicate: This is the first song on the record which is widely believed to be about her current relationship, and there’s no gendered language whatsoever to describe that person. The closest we get here is “handsome.” It interests me how often Taylor uses gendered adjectives without pointing to actual genders -- this feels like a reference to a butch/femme dynamic within a same-sex relationship, which we see throughout the album, but especially on later tracks.

Look What You Made Me Do: I think we can all agree this song doesn’t have a lot to do with who Taylor is or isn’t dating!

So It Goes...: A very sexy song with nary a gendered word to be found. This song makes plentiful references to duality and secrecy, hiding in plain sight, etc. I’m interested in the line, “Come here, dressed in black now,” which has a feminine bent. How often do you see men in all black?Seeing women dressed in black is much more common.

Gorgeous: We’ve all seen the widespread analysis on this one -- “gorgeous” is a feminine descriptor, and the only explicitly gendered language refers to Taylor’s current “boyfriend” (original lyric: “I haven’t seen him in a couple of months”) as well as her crush’s potential “girlfriend” (again, this could refer to a straight man or a queer woman).

Getaway Car: Another song where Taylor uses male pronouns to discuss her public relationships in specific detail. No one thinks this song is about the person she’s currently seeing (and, interestingly, the only person she genders here is her ex: “I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason”).

King of My Heart: This is where we see the careful set up of the butch/femme dynamic while also explicitly avoiding gendered language to describe her current relationship. “King” is Taylor’s codeword for her partner (King/Karlie/Klossy, got it), who she compares with “boys” who “never took me quite where you do.” The entire song fits a narrative of two women falling in love, and is peppered with details specific to Taylor’s current relationship.

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: A heartbreaking song about being forced to keep your love secret, with no explicitly gendered language. One interesting point of comparison here: as opposed to the very public “J” necklace referenced later, this song talks about Taylor keeping a picture of her partner’s face in “an invisible locket.” The duality from “Ready For It” is here in spades.

Dress: Another song with a lot of public scrutiny for sounding pretty explicitly feminine with “I don’t want you like a best friend,” no gendered pronouns, etc. The trickiest line here is “your buzz cut and my hair bleached,” which seems to point to the Met gala, but which others have posited could reference Karlie’s buzzed-about new hair cut at 2013 VSFS (edit: @whaler13bg also pointed out the lyric could reference this pic from 2016, thank you!). For me, this is more of a continuation of the butch/femme dynamic, and fits with her partner being “handsome” and a “king.”

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Interestingly, there’s exactly one gendered pronoun on Reputation that doesn’t fit with my overall theory of the album, and it’s in this (totally unromantic) song! The casual reference of Taylor’s baby as “he” is, in my opinion, the most annoying use of a gendered pronoun on the album. So why does she do it instead of writing, for example, “Here’s to my baby, isn’t hearing what they call me lately”? I think the reason is sonic: the sounds in bay-bee are reversed in he-ain’t, and the rhyme structure sounds really good. It’s such a throwaway moment in such a joke-y song that I feel comfortable writing it off, but it does stick in my craw.

Call It What You Want: Here it is, the love song that couldn’t be any more explicitly about a man, right? Wellllllll, not quite!! For one, many have noted that some of the lines (“trust him like a brother,” for example) just don’t sound like the way you would write about a straight relationship. More tellingly, though, the song explicitly tells you to ignore the way it uses language. The title, “Call it what you want,” is repeated throughout the song, giving the listener direct instructions to disregard the different words used to describe this relationship, because they don’t reveal the truth of these two people in love. (Side note: so romantic.) The fact that “call it” is aurally indistinguishable from “Karlie” for much of the song and a female background singer singing “I’m the one she’s walking to” (emphasis mine) serve to reinforce the narrative that there’s much more to this seemingly hetero song than meets the eye.

New Year’s Day: The final track of the album is also the most romantic, intimate, and stripped-bare sonically -- and there’s nothing male about it. The only gendered language we get here is “girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby,” which could refer to party guests departing -- or to two women coming home.

In doing a close reading of these songs, it’s actually shocking to me how little “no homo” there is on this entire album. Besides the one throwaway reference on TIWWCHNT, the only song that explicitly names Taylor’s current partner as male also explicitly tells us to disregard that language. Otherwise, the only men referenced on Reputation are jailers, narcissists, playthings for her to use, and boys who don’t compare to her current partner. Taken as a whole, it’s actually amazing how far out of its way this album goes not to gender anyone about whom Taylor has positive/romantic feelings. This round of the pronoun game is complete, and we definitely have a winner.

#gaylor swift #Kaylor

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oneweekoneband · 7 years

Audio

“When you think happiness/I hope you think that little black dress” --- “Tim McGraw”, Taylor Swift

“I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress/it’s a love story baby just say yes” --- “Love Story”, Fearless

“And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress/Fearless” --- “Fearless”, Fearless

“The girl in the dress cried the whole way home” --- “Dear John”, Speak Now

“Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress” --- “Holy Ground”, Red

“Standing there in my party dress/In red lipstick/With no one to impress” --- “The Moment I Knew”, Red

“Say you’ll remember me/Standing in a nice dress/staring at the sunset” --- “Wildest Dreams”, 1989

“You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore” --- “Clean”, 1989

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off” --- “Dress”, reputation

Taylor Swift has a long history of referencing dresses in her music. There is something very notable about her reputation (no joke intended) of being the girl in the dress because the thing is, nobody historically takes the pretty girl in the dress remotely seriously. I mean, I’m a good radical feminist that knows that femininity is a prison and that it is an inherently privileged state of being where women are brutally punished for not adhering to societal standards of femininity. But at the same time, as a woman of color who wears a lot of dresses, I think the conception of the dress and in turn, femininity, is much more complicated that in initially seems. Femininity is expected of women but once they conform to those rules, they are subsequently punished for it. Where is the justice there?

In “Dear John,” Taylor sings “The girl in the dress cried the whole way home” and it is probably my favorite dress reference in Taylor’s discography. The thing about “Dear John” is that it’s Taylor Swift at her most contentious, at her most controversial, because she is calling out a powerful man by name and refusing to stand down. And she is irrevocably female in how she chastises him and how she characterizes herself. My favorite performance of “Dear John” is this one, 21-year-old slim, pretty Taylor in her little purple prom dress with sharpie writing on her arm, singing out to an audience of tens of thousands about a man who hurt her and more importantly, expecting to be taken seriously despite or perhaps because of who she is and what she looks like.

For a long time, I was the epitome of the “pretty girl in a dress” much like the Taylor of “Dear John.” I too was very insistent on being regarded as important and objectively right in my assertions about the world in spite of how I preferred to present myself. Taylor to me has long been an icon for “~Crazy Pretty Girls,” who feel too much, who speak out too much, who can’t keep their mouths shut when it comes to calling out men people. On paper, girls like Taylor and I are perfect, from good families, with a proper education and upbringing, well-dressed and attractive but there is always something distinctly off about us, something dangerously feminine that cannot be extinguished. And everybody knows that there was always something distinctly female about the criticisms that surrounded Taylor Swift, not only in how she chose to present herself physically but also in her general public persona. She became known not only for her excellent lyrics and musicality but also for her sentimentality about love and relationships, her tendency of emotional enmeshment about seemingly unimportant situations, her precise skill for attacking and deflating egos, and society characterizes these flaws, all of which I definitely share, as disgustingly feminine. She has never been the cool easygoing girl men seem to covet, and neither have I so I always appreciated that aspect of her personality.

“Dress” though is the kind of song that is disgustingly feminine in the best way possible, at least in my opinion. It’s idealistic, some may even call it maudlin, romantic and kind of embarrassingly sexy with its refrain of “Only bought this dress so you could take it off” and the “ha ha ha haaaaaaa.” I don’t think society wants to let us as women think that sort of love even exists, at least not at the age of 28 like Taylor is when she’s supposed to be “over” it. We were taught to regard that sort of hope was some sort of twisted saccharine fantasy only made for dumb teenage girls who don’t know better. Fairy tales are supposedly for immature, pathetic, overtly nostalgic children, not for the grown, professional, properly feminist women we’re supposed to be but Taylor takes down that assertion. I don’t believe that Taylor is necessarily less romantic in reputation in her previous albums as it may initially seem but she is more nuanced in her exploration of love and romance, which is most likely a sign of her age. She writes about the mundaneness of adult romance with the same voice she wrote about kissing in the pouring rain with, even if the situations are fundamentally different.

But personally, the bridge of “Dress” is my favorite part because it automatically makes me think of my own life in a way that only Taylor Swift songs have the ability to do. She is specific about her and her boyfriend (”your buzzcut and my hair bleached”) but it still irresistibly brings forth memories I thought I had stifled and set aside a long time ago. I think about my hair dip-dyed bright red, his ugly boat shoes that are entirely inappropriate for upstate New York in December, my mother’s old pea coat that I still wear to this day, his hair that desperately needs cutting and I’m taken back to the beginning as if no time as passed at all. But in any case, I recently threw away the light pink chiffon dress I was wearing on that night. I just feel like it’s time for new memories and I think Taylor would agree.

#Dress #reputation

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mossyrossaliceinterviews · 4 years

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Dead End Career Club

Apr 27, 2020

By Melissa Rodwell

Interview by Mossy Ross

Photos by Ryan Kennedy

It was a quiet, spring Saturday morning in 2018, and I had just unlocked the front door of the local Williamsburg dive bar where I worked at the time. It was looking like it might be a slow, boring day when suddenly, “Black in Black” started blasting from the speakers. A smoke machine appeared from nowhere and began spraying its vapors towards the door. A fire-breathing aerialist, wearing a jeweled thong and pasties swung down from the ceiling, performing air splits. The door opened and invisible fans started blowing Ryan Kennedy’s wild, bleached blonde hair. His shirt flew open in the wind as he walked through the door (in slow motion), and tore off his sunglasses.

Okay, so maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. But when I look back on that day, that’s how I see it in my mind. It’s not often that I meet someone with so much rock n’ roll panache in Brooklyn these days. It was even more surprising to find that Ryan is so refreshingly humble and genuine.

Kennedy was one half of the now-defunct clothing line No Name Saint and is currently the brains behind Dead End Career Club, a hybrid of music and clothing. I was awed by Kennedy’s ability to expertly dye and distress the hell out of clothing for No Name Saint, and continue to be inspired, amused, and even comforted by the cheeky, quiet rants he creates for the music and clothing for Dead End Career Club.

Quarantined in the small town he lives in an hour and a half from Toronto, Ryan talked to me on Zoom about social media, ministers, music, and middle-age.

Mossy: How far back in your history do we need to go, in order to explain how you came to be who you are now. What was growing up like for you?

RK: My father was a Pentecostal minister, so I grew up in a strict Christian home. I wasn’t allowed to listen to secular music and I didn’t have cable, we didn’t have a computer, we didn’t have a VCR…I read books. My dad had a guitar and I picked that up when I was thirteen or fourteen, and that was sort of game over for me. I wanted to learn how to write songs and, like so many kids, I was in a series of teenage bands that were fun, but weren’t that good. (laughs)

Mossy: How did your dad feel about that?

RK: He was fine and supportive of me making the music. He was still “iffy” about the kind of music I made and where I played. I started out playing in church, and then there were some bridges to cross when I wanted to start playing in bars…that didn’t go over that great. But at this point in my life, my parents are very supportive. And they’re very different people than they were twenty years ago. My dad’s not a minister anymore. Not to say that faith isn’t there, it still is, but his attitudes towards certain things have changed, and so have mine.

Mossy: Do you think you had anything to do with them coming around, in terms of having to accept your differences?

RK: Well I can’t take credit for it solely. But, I have a brother and two sisters as well. And I think it’s safe to say that none of his kids turned out the way he thought they would. And I understand. I mean, my dad was a minister and his parents were Christians, my grandfather was a minister. And you have kids and expect them to grow up in the church, and you have a picture of how their life may turn out, and none of our lives have turned out like they thought. So then you have a choice. You can either consistently compare your kids to the expectations you had for them, or you can accept who they’ve become, and love them for who they’ve become. And my parents have done a great job of doing that.

Mossy: Did you stop going to church eventually?

RK: Yeah, I haven’t attended church regularly in probably twenty years. It’s a very complex subject to talk about. I mean, just because I haven’t gone and sat down in a church doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith, or that I don’t have a relationship with God, or that I don’t believe in certain things. I do. But when you grow up in church, and I went like four or five times a week…you sometimes see the worst of it, and it can sort of scar you in ways that you wouldn’t think it would. And there was just something about going to church that I didn’t enjoy anymore.

Mossy: So when you stopped going to church, then what? Were you playing in bands?

RK: Yeah, so when I was about twenty, I started to take it (music) more seriously, and I didn’t go to church or play in churches anymore, I played in bars. And my first serious band, when I was in my early twenties, got a record deal in Canada, and that was it for me. For the next fifteen years, over the series of three different bands, music was my full-time thing. In that fifteen-year period, I also opened a vintage clothing store since, you know, rock n’ roll doesn’t pay that well. So yeah, starting in my early twenties, I was in a series of bands that were supposed to be big, and (laughs)…weren’t.

Mossy: If you weren’t listening to secular music growing up, how did you come to rock?

RK: I mean, that’s the interesting thing. When I started this first serious band, my brother was in it, so he’s a pastor’s son. The other two guys in the band were also pastors’ sons, and then the guitar player was an ordained minister. So we were all a bunch of Christian kids, playing trashy, garage-y, rock n’ roll in bars. We got signed and hooked up with a producer in Montreal, and we went to Montreal for two months to make a record. We went into the studio with this producer, and we’d play the song and he’d say, “Oh man, that sounds like ‘Wire,’” or “That sounds like ‘Television,’” or that sounds like ‘The Hellacopters.’” And we were like, “I don’t even know those bands.” (Laughs) So I’ve gone back over the last twenty years and learned a whole bunch of stuff that I should’ve learned when I was fourteen. And this was 2004, so this was the tail end of record labels handing out big record deals, so there were advances and that sort of stuff…and we just blew our advances on records.

Mossy: I was listening to your new EP, and I really like how you modernize rock music by talking about things like Soundcloud and social media, but you keep that raw rock sound as well. I feel like your music is something that I can relate to as a 40-year old, but also something that a 20-year old could relate to as well.

RK: At this point in my life, the only thing I have to offer is myself. And that means that I can’t hide that I’m forty. I’ve had label people tell me when I was in my early 30s, not to put my face on the (album) cover, because they didn’t want people to prejudge the music by seeing that I wasn’t nineteen. And that’s from well-meaning people that care about me and my success. But that’s the advice I’m getting, “You need to hide who you are.” And I don’t see any point in that now, and I also don’t see any point in being some sort of, like, stuck-in-twenty-years- ago guy, that’s not willing to acknowledge that Soundcloud exists. I mean, I am trying to navigate my way through 2020’s music industry, and 2020’s digital world. And I struggle with that, and it filters into my writing. So I am sort of an “old” guy talking about new stuff. But that’s all I can be, and I have no interest in being anything else. I don’t know where that leaves me in terms of a target audience, but I don’t really care.

Mossy: I wonder all the time, why the decision makers who determine what music gets heard by the masses, seem to feel that musicians can’t become more marketable as they get older. I mean, the thirty and above market is huge, and they have money. Older artists still have issues that so many people can relate to, probably in our current times more than ever. Do you ever think there could be a movement of thirty and up “rockstars” making more of a mark than they have in past decades?

RK: Well in my optimistic moments, I do believe that. Because I see it in television and film. I see it in books. Why is it the music industry is like “No, no…we only make stuff for kids?” Or “We only make stuff for a 35-plus audience with already established artists?” There’s a lot of wonderful music being made for my age demographic, it’s just the stuff that rises to the surface is made by artists that have been famous for ten or fifteen years. It’s not very often that you come across a brand new artist that’s forty. But there are television shows and movies that are absolutely targeted to my demographic, and not targeted to nineteen-year-olds. It’s kind of fucked that the music industry is so behind on that.

Mossy: That’s a really great observation. I watch new TV shows all the time that make references to things that only someone in our generation would know about. How is that not happening with music?

RK: Yeah, they’re based on relatable experiences to people of my age group. Not to say that nineteen-year-olds can’t enjoy it or take something from it. But the people that made it are my age, the actors, the storyline is based on people my age, going through experiences that I go through. I know it’s made for me. But music is far behind on that.

Mossy: We seem to be in an abusive relationship with social media…we come back to it even though it hurts us in a variety of ways. Has your art and music changed since social media came into existence?

RK: Yeah, I think social media is so overwhelming and so pervasive in our lives that it filters into my work, in a way that the same sort of metrics didn’t twenty years ago. So the same sort of feelings I have about posting something on Instagram and not many people liking it, or not having a lot of followers…are the same feelings that I had fifteen years ago when I made a record. I was checking sales charts and I was checking radio charts. And I was wondering why my music video got added to MTV in light rotation, and not heavy rotation. Why did this band get this tour, and I didn’t get this tour? Same feelings…why does this person have so many social media followers and I don’t? But there was, like, four or five metrics to use before, and you could hide them pretty well. It’s like, if you don’t send me the radio charts, I can’t check ‘em. Now I cannot hide from those metrics. So I have to choose to see the metrics and to absorb them in a different way. And I think that because I’m human, and I’m willing to be honest about it, I openly talk about how those metrics make me feel. Some days I hide them better than others, and some days they hit me and I think, “What the fuck?”

Mossy: So you toured for fifteen years and had a clothing shop…was that No Name Saint?

RK: No I had a vintage clothing shop called Sympathy for the Rebel. It was just a traditional vintage clothing shop. I had to close that because I was touring a lot, and I started No Name Saint after that. When I started with NNS, it was basically an extension of my vintage shop…picking vintage band shirts, bleaching them, and distressing them or painting on them. And then I realized that was not terribly original, and there were other people doing that, and doing it better. And a friend of mine gave me a heat press, and I started to figure out how to use that and how to do something different with that. I figured out how to make my own prints, and I started putting words on t-shirts. And the whole idea is that they were one offs. What I don’t like about fashion is you pick this crazy cool shirt that’s supposed to make you stand out, and you go to a bar and someone else is wearing it. (laughs) So, that’s never been me. If I’m gonna wear something, I’m gonna alter it, or paint it, or rip it up so that I’m the only one that has it. That’s just a personal thing, but I wanted the brand to be an extension of that. So I made hundreds and hundreds of shirts and jackets because they were all one offs.

Mossy: So after No Name Saint, just based on what I saw on your social media, it seemed like you were a bit broken up about that ending. Was it hard starting over on something new?

RK: Yeah, No Name Saint was just me and my partner Kurt. Kurt was also the drummer in two of my bands, so we’re great friends and tight, and he just wanted to move on with his life in a more financially solid way. I’m one of the last guys standing saying, “Hey I still wanna do this.” So I’m pretty used to people saying, “I’ve aged out of this” or “I love this, but I can’t do it for a career.” So I would never begrudge somebody their choice to move on. But I also felt like No Name Saint had run its course and that was something I had started with him, and if I was gonna do something else I needed it to be a fresh start. And that also coincided with the end of my last band, so it was kind of this period of endings, and I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do. So yeah, it was a little bit of a down period. But not with anger, just with you know…okay, endings.

Mossy: What do you think it is that makes you not age out of things?

RK: I’ve asked myself that question a lot, and I’ve wished that I could age out of it, or phase out of it many times. But pretty much since the moment that I picked up the guitar and wrote my first song, I’ve lived every day just wanting to do that. Every time I’ve tried to convince myself I should want something else, it feels like a betrayal. So I don’t know why I’m wired this way. And I think what I’ve come to accept is that I am wired this way, and I need to find a way to keep doing this, whatever that looks like. I mean, it’s called Dead End Career Club for a reason. I know the prospects aren’t great. (laughs)

Mossy: Yeah, I assumed the name had something to do with that. How did you arrive at that name?

RK: Well, there are a lot of well-meaning people who love me, that have, over the years gently told me, “You might want to find something else to do.” (laughs) You try something and it doesn’t work, and by the end of the third time you’re like, “Okay, if I willingly choose to go down this road again, I have to know exactly what road I’m going down, and that is a dead-end path commercially.” But artistically and emotionally I don’t believe in dead ends, so…

Mossy: I saw a shirt or a jacket on your IG that says 1-800-NOT- PUNK. How do you describe what is “not punk?”

RK: (Laughs) I put that on a lot of stuff, actually, but sometimes it’s hidden. I was on this 1-800 number kick. (laughs) I was making up these fake 1-800 numbers and 1-800-NOT-PUNK was one of them. I don’t know what punk is (laughs). I think punk is something that gets co-opted a lot, and I think that there would be people out there that say I’m co-opting it…that this style of jackets that I make and the ripped t-shirts and stuff speaks to a punk world that I don’t actually like. I mean, “The Clash” is one of my favorite bands ever. Are they punk? I don’t know. According to Johnny Lydon they’re not punk! But I don’t like the Sex Pistols either! (laughs) It’s just one of those things that you could ask ten different people and get ten different answers as to what is punk or what is not punk.

When I put 1-800-NOT-PUNK on a jacket if you tell me “That’s not punk,” or “That’s fake punk,” I can say, “Yeah, I fuckin’ told you! It says right there it’s not punk!” (Laughing) I didn’t call it punk, I’m not telling you that it’s punk, I’m not telling you that I’m punk…I’m just telling you that this is what I like.

Mossy: I think it comes down to authenticity. You don’t have to be squatting on the Lower East Side or something to be punk. It’s more about intention.

RK: I agree. I think people that make really hard decisions in life, both creatively and just like, lifestyle decisions, relationship decisions that are counter to the decisions that most people would make, that have the guts to do that…I think that’s punk. I think standing up for things is punk. Having opinions and sticking by them, no matter what they are, I think that’s punk. So yeah, I don’t think you have to have a mohawk and spikes on your jacket and like Rancid, but I’m not saying you can’t! So yeah, it’s just a play on the lack of an overall definition of punk.

Mossy: So your clothing line is Dead End Career Club and your band is Dead End Career Club…

RK: Well, it’s not really a clothing line. I mean, you can’t go online and buy it. There’s only one store in Nashville that sells my stuff. So that’s the only place you can go in and buy Dead End Career Club clothing. I’ve spent too much of my life thinking, “How am I gonna make money from this?” and then that impacts what I do. I think it’s just natural. You ask yourself, “How am I gonna make money from this?” Well, find the audience and cater to them. But what if what you actually wanna do isn’t built to cater to anybody? It’s built to be an expression of who you are, and your good days and your bad days and all that stuff. That’s not gonna cater very well to a target audience. So, it’s not much of a business, it’s an art project. It’s an extension of me and all the things that I do, all the things that I find interesting. And the canvases happen to be songs and clothing.

Mossy: Your EP is five songs. How do they all relate to each other so that you decided to release them as an album, rather than singles?

And where did the title “Skim Milk” come from?

RK: The title refers to the trimming of the fat. I’ve gone from being in a five-piece rock band…then a three-piece band, then a two-piece band, and then playing to a track, and now it’s just me playing with one string and singing. It’s as bare as I can get. If you take the one string away then I’m just acapella, which you’re not gonna hear that (laughs).

As to how the songs relate to each other…it’s not a concept album. They relate to each other the same way all my work does in that they’re these little snapshots of how I feel about myself on any given day. And I think that I do look for this overall arc between the clothing work and the music to be speaking the same language. And I feel there’s enough consistency there that I wanted to batch them together. I also feel like my music is not one that easily fits onto a playlist. Like, it’s a good mood ruin-er if you put it on the wrong playlist (laughs). And so the idea of just piecing out these singles one at a time…that’s not enough to get you actually into what I’m doing. I think for me, I wanted to put a bunch of songs together so you could sit down and at least spend twenty minutes listening to my vibe, instead of just one song at a time. I think it’s a bit more vibe music than playlist or single stuff.

Mossy: You said on your Spotify bio that you were “featured in Elle and Vogue, and other publications that mattered to you when.”

RK: (Laughs…hard) Who reads bios, right?

Mossy: When did they matter to you and when did they stop?

RK: I mean, I’ll be honest with you, if Vogue wanted to write about me now, that would matter to me. But, it mattered to me a lot when we started No Name Saint. We hired a publicist, and they actually posted some of our pieces, and I have those framed in my house. That did matter to me…in the same way that having a record label mattered to me. As these sort of barometers of success. They matter to me less now. Whether “Vogue” writes about me or not, it’s not gonna impact how I work. But you know, when you do get in “Elle” and they like something, it’s like, “Oh, well I’ll just do more of that.” In the same way that if you have a song that gets on the radio, you say, “Well, why don’t I just write another version of that?” And so it gets in your head. It’s not in my head now. But I would be lying to you if I said, “Yeah if Vogue called and said they wanted to talk to me, I would say no.” I wouldn’t fuckin’ say no! But it doesn’t matter to me like it used to.

Find Dead End Career Club:

Website | Instagram | Spotify

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consultthemuses · 7 years

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Sentence Meme: 170 Buffy Summers Quotes

Some will be more easily applicable than others. SOME WILL CONTAIN TRIGGERS (violence/blood mentions/supernatural references)!! Feel free to change pronouns/genders at will.

❛ Darn your sinister attraction. ❜

❛ You stabbed [name] to death. What were you trying to do, scratch his back from the front? ❜

❛ Judgemental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out. ❜

❛ TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people. ❜

❛ They never just leave. Always gotta say something. ❜

❛ Oh come on! Stake through the heart, a little sunlight, it's like falling off a log. ❜

❛ I have no time for orders. ❜

❛ [name], when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad ... you suck. ❜

❛ You said it was big. You told me, but you never said it was huge! ❜

❛ He's 243 years old. He doesn't exactly get the prom. ❜

❛ So I'm treated like the baddie, just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose...and I don't have a scratch on me. Which, granted, hurts my case a little, on the surface. ❜

❛ I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters. ❜

❛ What I want is the [name] that's dangerous. The [name] that tried to kill me when we met. ❜

❛ Sex and death and love and pain -- it's all the same damn thing to you. ❜

❛ Have you completely lost your mind? ❜

❛ I'm not just some crazy person. I'm the Slayer! ❜

❛ You named your stake? Remind me to get you a stuffed animal. ❜

❛ I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die. ❜

❛ It's all [name]’s fault. She's like poison. No, worse, she's like acid that eats through everything. Maybe she's a bomb. ❜

❛ You know, you really should watch your language. Someone didn't know you, they might think you were a woman-hating jerk. ❜

❛ The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest; you can go hmm. ❜

❛ You sounded like Mr. Initiative. Demons bad. People good. ❜

❛ See, I didn't think this was a popularity contest. I should have equal time to bake them cookies, braid their hair.. ❜

❛ There is something bad down here. Possibly everything bad. ❜

❛ [name] is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot. ❜

❛ My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! ❜

❛ A bad omen and we just ignore it? There's going to be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end. ❜

❛ Good.'Cause I've had it. [name] is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend! ❜

❛ This is [name]. He's um.. It's a really long story b-but he's not bad anymore. ❜

❛ I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. ❜

❛ Say it's true. Say I do want to... it wouldn't be you, [name]. It would never be you. You're beneath me. ❜

❛ I don't know what's coming next. But I do know it's gonna be just like this -- hard, painful. But in the end, it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing. ❜

❛ Best of all... I'm not stupid. ❜

❛ Anyone else who wants to run... do it now. Because we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. ❜

❛ Look, I broke a nail, ok? I'm wearing a press-on. ❜

❛ So, what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil? ❜

❛ I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it. ❜

❛ It was exactly you, [name], every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. As far as we know. ❜

❛ I see one more display of testosterone-poisoning, and I will personally put you both in the hospital. ❜

❛ I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it's going to swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. ❜

❛ I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out. ❜

❛ Oh! That's my skirt! You're never gonna fit in it with those hips. We have to kill them! ❜

❛ I hate it when they drown me. ❜

❛ Okay, I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whatever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. ❜

❛ I'm looking for this guy. Bleach-blond hair, leather jacket, British accent, kind of... sallow? But in a hot way? ❜

❛ Death is what a slayer breathes, what a slayer dreams about when she sleeps. ❜

❛ A flare gun? If I find [name], I'm staking him, not signalling ships at sea. ❜

❛ It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus! ❜

❛ There's only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. ❜

❛ The fast-growing field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire. ❜

❛ The whole earth may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big 'ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care. ❜

❛ You have fruit punch mouth. ❜

❛ You smell this bad when you were alive? ❜

❛ [name]’s a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection. ❜

❛ What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse? And doesn't even pack a lipstick? ❜

❛ If I need someone to scream like a woman I'll give you a call. ❜

❛ Well, a man that worships chaos and tries to kill you is a man you can trust. ❜

❛ I accidentally killed [name]! That's okay, right? ❜

❛ That'll be then. When I'm done. ❜

❛ Do you have everything? Books? Lunch? Stakes? ❜

❛ I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show 'em why. ❜

❛ I'm the one that dates dead guys. And, no offence, but they were hotties. ❜

❛ I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much fire bad; tree pretty. ❜

❛ Hey! Remember this? I took it from [name]. Stuck it in her gut. Just slid in her like she was butter. You wanna get it back from me? Dick? ❜

❛ You know. No kick-o, no fight-o. ❜

❛ [name] has minions? ❜

❛ Oh yes! Like how the cow and the chicken come together even though they've never met. It's like Sleepless in Seattle if, if Meg and Tom were, like, minced. ❜

❛ What was the highlight of our relationship -- when you broke up with me, or when I killed you? ❜

❛ You're right. He's manipulative and shallow... and why doesn't he want me? Am I so repulsive? If there was something repulsive about me, you'd tell me, right? ❜

❛ We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. ❜

❛ You had sex with [name]? You had sex with [NAME]? ❜

❛ Sorry, [name]. Changed the locks. ❜

❛ Besides, I look cute in a tiara. ❜

❛ Oh, [name]! Of course it's yes! ❜

❛ I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats. ❜

❛ Okay, I was hoping to not get that cynical till I was at least forty. ❜

❛ I don't have time for bondage fun. ❜

❛ She knows about viscera. Makes you proud. ❜

❛ They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train. ❜

❛ It was terrible. I moped over you for months, sitting in my room, listening to that Divinyls song "I Touch Myself".. of course, I had no idea what it was about. ❜

❛ I'm working. Go away. ❜

❛ The one who, according to [name], is the, quote: "smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest, and having the thickest boy eyelashes boy in school," and quote. ❜

❛ I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say! ❜

❛ Pop culture reference. Sorry. ❜

❛ How can you tell me you understand what those vampires are feeling? You aren't a passion to them, you are a snack! A willing, idiotic snack. ❜

❛ You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims? ❜

❛ Let me answer that question with a head-butt. ❜

❛ Right now you're asking yourself, "What makes this different? What makes us anything more than a bunch of girls being picked off one by one? ❜

❛ I-I was... just thinking, wouldn't it be funny some time to see each other when it wasn't a blood thing.. ❜

❛ Will you just hold me? ❜

❛ If it's possible, you seem more monosyllabic than usual. ❜

❛ I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an 80's movie. ❜

❛ How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first? ❜

❛ Not too crazy? Those are your credentials? ❜

❛ I can fool [name], and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or [name], for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. ❜

❛ Nooo... I think you're up in the clocktower with a high-powered rifle because you wanna blend in. ❜

❛ You've awakened the prom-queen within. And that crown is going to be mine. ❜

❛ I'm pretty spry for a corpse. ❜

❛ Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away. ❜

❛ This is a beautiful moment we're having. Can we please fight? ❜

❛ And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men - evil. You know, straight up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, 'soon my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis' bad. ❜

❛ We can't actually do any of those things. You'd lose your soul, and besides, I don't even own a kimono. ❜

❛ Doesn't matter how well prepped you are, or how well armed you are. You're a little girl. ❜

❛ Repeat until insane. ❜

❛ You're in love with pain. Admit it. ❜

❛ What are you doing here? Five words or less. ❜

❛ [name] seems so solid. Like.. he wouldn't cause me heartache. ❜

❛ Okay, a scenario: you back off, I'll back off, but you promise not to go all wiggy until we can go to my Watcher and figure this out. ❜

❛ [name], your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good. ❜

❛ Can a vampire ever be a good person? Couldn't it happen? ❜

❛ I don't know. I kinda' see [name] as the loyal type. ❜

❛ No, [name], it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. ❜

❛ Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, [name]. ❜

❛ You're disgusting. ❜

❛ Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode. ❜

❛ Every year, my Dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures. ❜

❛ Now might be a good time for your trademark stoicism. ❜

❛ So I told him that I loved him...and I kissed him.. and I killed him. ❜

❛ I'm getting better, honest. In fact, from here on, you're going to see a drastic distraction reduction. Drastic distraction reduction... try saying that ten times fast. ❜

❛ [name] and I are getting married! ❜

❛ We're going to the magic shop. No school supplies there. ❜

❛ [name] tried to kill me! ❜

❛ So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals! ❜

❛ I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you. ❜

❛ This is not gonna' be pretty. We're talkin' violence, strong language, adult content. ❜

❛ I have to get away from that 'bad boy' thing. There's no good there. ❜

❛ Exactly. I'm sure [name] is flogging and punishing himself.. This is sounding wrong before I even finish.. ❜

❛ I just don't want you to get your hopes up. ❜

❛ Oh, time has no meaning here. ❜

❛ Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots? ❜

❛ Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping. ❜

❛ Just look at you, [name]. Less than 24 hours ago you killed a man. And now it's all zip-a-dee-doo-dah? ❜

❛ You had to tie me up to beat me. There's a word for people like you, [name]: loser. ❜

❛ Hey! I was intimidating here. ❜

❛ I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. ❜

❛ Yeah, just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey. You're in grave danger. I'll see you next month! ❜

❛ We're not friends. We never were. ❜

❛ Sure. We saved the world, I say we party. ❜

❛ Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me. ❜

❛ You have a lot to learn about women.. ❜

❛ Aren't you going to introduce me to your... Holy God, you're [name]! ❜

❛ I got older. ❜

❛ Yeah, I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my Slayerness. That's... something-ism. ❜

❛ My boyfriend had a bicentennial. ❜

❛ Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored were you last year? ❜

❛ This.. is not your business. It's mine. ❜

❛ Hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something. ❜

❛ Come on, you've been dating for what, like 200 years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show. ❜

❛ Well, when you've been around since Columbus, you're bound to pile up a few exes. ❜

❛ D'you have any gum? ❜

❛ You know, I know what that looks like, but I-I swear it's not what it looks like. It's magic weed. It's not mine. ❜

❛ I didn't even break a nail. ❜

❛ God, [name], is that all you think about? ❜

❛ [name] didn't set this up. [name] did. This is the wrapping for the gift. ❜

❛ You're older than him, right? Just between us girls, you are looking a little worn around the eyes. ❜

❛ Mom, I'm a Vampire Slayer. ❜

❛ You know, nothing's really going to change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror. ❜

❛ I think I speak for everyone here when I say, 'Huh?'. ❜

❛ Guys. The environment. I'm telling you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die. ❜

❛ Unfortunately, that's all I could get out of my informant before his aggressive tendencies forced me to introduce him to Mr. Pointy. ❜

❛ You know what? I like the look. It's um, it's extreme, but it looks good, you know, it's a leather thing. And, uh, I said extreme already, didn't I? ❜

❛ What about me? I love you so much. And I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help. And I hate it! ❜

❛ It's a stupid dance with stupid people I see every stupid day! ❜

❛ My Dorothy Hamill phase. My room in LA was pretty much a shrine. Dorothy dolls, Dorothy posters. I even got the Dorothy haircut, thereby securing a place for myself in the Geek Hall of Fame. ❜

❛ Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago. ❜

❛ There are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns. ❜

❛ I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would've figured it out by now. ❜

❛ You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my MOTHER! ❜

❛ Don't worry. They can't come in unless they're invited. ❜

❛ They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. ❜

#ask memes #ask box #meme #tw: violence #tw: blood #tw: supernatural

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lorainelaneyblog · 5 years

Text

I’m driving an SUV of [ ]’s. I’m driving all around, though a store, down some stairs. The stairs please me. Finally, I realize I’m running out of gas. The gas pedal isn’t working as well. I drive through a hotel restaurant, and knock a phone off the wall, and a staff member cheerfully asks me about a party or something, but it’s not for me, so I drive on. I get to a rickety stairway or series of ramps with others, and someone mentions, “the environmentalists,” and I know it’s them. Then, briefly, I’m out of the car with an old woman and the ramp becomes a series of planks from which you could fall into the water.

At some point, I have seen an Esso Station, but it’s a water station. Then I’m in the car again, and it’s a boat. I cause a problem with a rope, for a boy who is swimming. He is swimming with his family.

Next, the boat is at the dock, and I’m with 50 Cent and Lloyd Banks. I ask what this is, ie. a car or a boat. I don’t remember if Fifty answers, or it’s something like “It is what it is.” ie. Don’t be stupid.

Next, I’m cuddling with Fifty and Lloyd in the boat, and I’m making out with Fifty. He’s very good, and I feel like I’m getting wet. He tells Lloyd to enter me, in a way, and then says, annoyed, “Get it out of your ass first.”

Next, Lloyd and Fifty are taking off their clothes and they’re soft and, I tell him thanks alot because there’s a large crowd and I’m embarrassed that he’s been making out with me, and he’s soft. They’re really small too. Generally, Fifty is very disapproving of me, quite annoyed actually.

A woman singer is performing. I know the song so I sing a line with her. It’s the crescendo line. She stops, and come over, and asks “Will there be a wedding?” Fifty is just nearby. I tell her “We might not do that, we might have a group marriage, then I correct myself and say, “We are not going to do that, we’re going to have a group marriage.” She doesn’t like me as well as at first. We rub gel on a purse to bleach it or clean it. I tell her I recognize it from Algonquin, and I mean the pattern of lemons, and oranges, and green apples.

Next, I’m talking to [ ], kind of lying beside her, and I ask “What’s going on in boy-?” or something. And she says she’s dating five men, and balks a little when I try to establish the future. She has her construction boyfriend too. The singer is still there, and maybe another woman. They drift off.

The whole time I have gum. And then Fifty is nearby and again, and I’m aware that my dream routine of pulling my gum off my veneers will displease him.

An SUV of [ ]'s - I'm aware of how I will have to report to her and that I might get in trouble. I debate whether to tell her about the stairs, and I worry about having to abandon the car.

There are some people around when I drive down the stairs, and I feel pleased that I do it so well.

The people - It's debatable whether they even notice. This is certainly reminiscent of my nefarious fame. Nobody looks. Nobody says it.

Running out of gas - It is true my letters to Fifty have gotten lame, and the blog has slowed considerably.

A hotel restaurant - This immediately brought to mind that I can't eat properly, and would be another way that 50 Cent disapproved of me. I shouldn't even be there, I thought.

The phone - I look back and see it dangling while the server is talking to me. She's very cheerful, with a bright face.

The server - She thinks I'm booking a party.

A party - It never is for me. I'm never invited either. Maybe it's the person on the phone, I vaguely wonder, but realize now, the phone is off the hook, because of me. That is true. 50 Cent does appear to be calling, almost off the hook. There are one or two calls almost every day right now. But I'm not sure. It could be the cops.

A rickety stairway or series of ramps - the terrain is getting difficult, usually this means I'm struggling in writing, of course, I'm struggling in every way though, with addiction, with finances, with family, even with clients, since raising my rates.

"The environmentalists" - All I can think of is that this harkens to David Suzuki, and that he will be pleased that there is such a reference. They are mostly older, but, it looks like there's a young woman too, and maybe some, wait, it's hard to tell, there's an older man, a woman, and maybe one or two young men, and more too.

More too - Why is the number undetermined? It is true that I know so little about anything, that I have no idea how many jobs there are in environmental work. Vaguely, I have wondered it.

An old woman - It's a bit unclear, but she could be one of the environmentalists, but it's unclear.

The old woman - trying to navigate the series of planks leading out to the water. Myself, I turn back, but she is still out there mumbling.

Mumbling - indicative of confusion and perhaps, reticence.

Myself - scared of falling into the water.

Water - I've thought of it as consciousness, because I heard that once, perhaps from Patrick, but perhaps not, or in a dream book, but I don't ascribe to that generally, I go with my own--haha--consciousness.

Water - It happens in dreams, and I'm afraid of falling in, and, though I can't think of any particular examples, except one with a rushing river going down the streets, vaguely, that is, I think it has happened before that I fall right in. What are you falling into? Danger? Fear? It's not hot water, it's the ocean, which is fearsome. Also reminiscent of Patrick, and, what one would assume, was a fearlessness of water, being that he was a seaman. That's not me.

A water Esso Station - Reminiscent of the [ ]'s, since it was they who brought them to my attention, also Vancouver generally. Useless for a car, but then my car turns into a boat. which sinks briefly, and somehow rises up again. I didn't mention that in the initial writing of the dream. Funny. It's true. I think I have been writing to 50 Cent, and devoting myself to him entirely, but it did sink. It's [ ]'s car. The relationship car, I suppose.

Before it sinks, I encounter the boy - He is peeved, or, at least concerned about the rope touching him, as he swims. Then I notice his father swimming a distance away. Then I'm at the dock, and the boat is sinking.

I guess I must always be aware that the boat is likely sinking. I'm aging, and nothing has happened.

50 Cent and Lloyd Banks - They're on either side of me, and I'm sideways making out with Fifty. His kisses are excellent. I'm so disappointed that they're soft, disappointed and embarrassed in front of others. I'm grateful, and I remember this, that I didn't express to him how horny he was making me, as it would have been a further embarrassment. Of course, 50 Cent has made it clear to me, on the ether, that I will not be nudist.

50 Cent and his mean comment to Lloyd - I'm actually confused as to whether Lloyd Banks has his actual dick up his actual ass, like he has been masturbating, or whether it's a mean turn of phrase, like get your head out of your ass. Does it matter? It's indicative of his general sour mood.

50 Cent - mean to Lloyd, disapproving of me.

Why is he disapproving? He is sometimes, but not all the time. But here, he is. Well, except when I tell the singer that it might be, and then will be, a group marriage. There he is listening, and, it's difficult to tell if he is disapproving, or if he's prepared to be disapproving. Maybe I pull it off.

The singer - cheery when she first meets me, because we have bonded briefly, like [ ] from the beach, when I first laid eyes on her, I thought she looked neat in her outfit, and then I lost interest right away. It's happened other times, well, once, notably, with [ ], when I shined at her, and she responded, and I lost interest right away. That's not what happened here exactly, I sung a line of the song, and she took an interest in me, but it quickly faded as I talked. "Will there be a wedding?" Kind of jealous, and this is when it comes to light, that she realizes 50 Cent is my potential husband, and I realize that she knows him. We work on a project together, which is reminiscent of Ottawa, being Algonquin, and also references a college education.

A college education - which I do not even have, though according to God, I actually have a doctoral thesis.

Ottawa - My home now. This bothers me, that I might get a townhouse here, and solidly, once and for all, because social housing knows I'm a prostitute, and--I believe, I have actually said it, but kind of forget, feeling guilty, as I do, for saying I do massages once. The townhouse, it sounds like, might have a washer and dryer, and, perhaps, even a dishwasher, though both are currently somewhat unknowns. This could be imminent as they are asking for more information, or, it could be up to four and a half years. In any case, I don't want to go through another move, and find home, only to be uprooted again, even if it is to move in with the man of my dreams, my soul mate. Is this a little streak of the old independence shining through? It could be. I just want to find home.

Lemons and oranges and apples on a backpack - It's childish, but cute, and also, reminiscent of two purses I had once. Those purses were a lot of fun. And I used them at the beach.

The beach - still remains influential to some extent, over the ether, and to me as a nudist, sort of, Patrick would complain that I hang my boobs out the window when opening and closing it. This is a behaviour that 50 Cent wouldn't stand for. And yet, he does it himself in the dream.

Hypocrisy - reminds me of what [ ] said about [ ], that she was a church goer, contravening the rules of the church and religion when she had a supposed affair, which she later reduced to one kiss. Do I believe her? Not really. But I might have if I had never come up. She looks terrible to me now, and so does [ ].

[ ] - I become bored as I reach this part of the dream, restless, and bored, as I almost always was with [ ]. She is exactly an example of a life I don't want, not hers, but mine with her in it. Mind you, she has a construction worker boyfriend, so she has turned her life around, but I haven't. I'm restless and bored, as always. Further, she says she's dating five men, and is casual about it, not worried like me, who never does anything.

Anything - people think prostitution is anything, but you never choose anyone, or anything. Mind you, God has agreed that sex with men is about choosing nothing.

My gum and my veneers - a strange end to the dream, but usual, and, as usual, I'm worried about pulling my teeth out. I check them.

I forgot Lloyd Banks - He is somber, but he takes Fifty's meanness in his stride. It is true that I take most negative emotions in people in my stride. I expect it, I suppose, and I'm never disappointed. They say, on the ether, that they are not like that, but I doubt it, treating me like Eliza Doolittle.

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