#the whole interaction is so interesting to me

[anghraine]

It's interesting (if often frustrating) to see the renewed Orc Discourse after the last few episodes of ROP. I've seen arguments that orcs have to be personifications of evil rather than people as such or else the ethics of our heroes' approach to them becomes much more fraught. Tolkien's work, as written, seems an odd choice to me for not wrangling with difficult questions, and of course, more diehard fans are going to immediately bring up Shagrat and Gorbag.

If you haven't read LOTR recently, Shagrat and Gorbag are two orcs who briefly have a conversation about how they're being screwed over by Sauron but have no other real options, about their opinions of mistakes that have been made, that they think Sauron himself has made one, but it's not safe to discuss because Sauron has spies in their own ranks. They reminisce about better times when they had more freedom and fantasize about a future when they can go elsewhere and set up a small-scale banditry operation rather than being involved in this huge-scale war. Eventually, however, they end up turning on each other.

Basically any time that someone brings up the "humanity" of this conversation, someone else will point out that they're still bad people. They're not at all guilty about what they're part of. They just resent the dangers to themselves, the pressure from above, failures of competence, the surveillance they're under, and their lack of realistic alternative options. The dream of another life mentioned in the conversation is still one of preying on innocent people, just on a much smaller and more immediate scale, etc.

I think this misses the reason it keeps getting brought up, though. The point is not that Shagrat and Gorbag are good people. The point is that they are people.

There's something very normal and recognizable about their resentment of their superiors, their fears of reprisal and betrayal that ultimately are realized, their dislike of this kind of industrial war machine that erases their individual work and contributions, the tinge of wistfulness in their hope of escape into a different kind of life. Their dialect is deliberately "common"—and there's a lot more to say about that and the fact that it's another commoner, Sam, who outwits them—but one of the main effects is to make them sound familiar and ordinary. And it's interesting that one of the points they specifically raise is that they're not going to get better treatment from "the good guys" so they can't defect, either.

This is self-interested, yes, but it's not the self-interest of some mystical being or spirit or whatnot, but of people.

Tolkien's later remarks tend to back this up. He said that female orcs do exist, but are rarely seen in the story because the characters only interact with the all-male warrior class of orcs. Whatever female orcs "do," it isn't going to war. Maybe they do a lot of the agricultural work that is apparently happening in distant parts of Mordor, maybe they are chiefly responsible for young orcs, maybe both and/or something else, we don't know. But we know they're out there and we know that they reproduce sexually and we know that they're not part of the orcish warrior class.

Regardless of all the problems with this, the idea that orcs have a gender-restricted warrior class at all and we're just not seeing any of their other classes because of where the story is set doesn't sound like automatons of evil. It sounds like an actual culture of people that we only see along the fringes.

And this whole matter of "but if they're people, we have to think about ethics, so they can't be people" is a weird circular argument that cannot account for what's in LOTR or for much of what Tolkien said afterwards. Yes, he struggled with The Problem of Orcs and how to reconcile it with his world building and his ethical system, but "maybe they're not people" is ultimately not a workable solution as far as LOTR goes and can't even account for much of the later evolution of his ideas, including explicit statements in his letters.

And in the end, the real response that comes to mind to that circular argument is "maybe you should think about ethics more."

[rory-multifandom-mess]

This might be an odd request, but if you’re interested could you do Jhad angst with prompts 2 and 21? I get it’s a pretty niche ship, but I’ve seen your other work and I’m interested on your take of the pairing.

Brother I shit you not I was JUST talking about this ship right before you sent this ask I am not even kidding. The timing on this was amazing. Here’s the screenshots of my exact reaction

ANYWAY I’d gladly do this pairing!! I think it would be really cute and I may or may not be thinking about writing a slow burn for it eheheheh

2. “Please don’t leave me” and 21. “I’m better when I’m with you”

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

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.

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Alone. A word that kept repeating in J’s head.

She was alone again, just like before, just like she always was. Just like before the manor, and after the massacre. She couldn’t win. She just couldn’t win.

Tessa was her friend, yet she was ripped away from her by that damn thing. V was her friend, yet she ruined that by siding with it.

Why couldn’t V just understand? It was the only way to survive. There was no escape, even in death… Though apparently she was wrong. Because they won. Solver was gone, and she was alone again.

J sighed as she gripped the blow torch harder, repairing the ship she had unceremoniously blown up.

She grit her teeth together, memories of their battle flashing before her, of Cyn using Tessa’s skin as a suit.

Suddenly, the blowtorch snapped in half from the pressure, the metal dented.

“Damnit!” J exclaimed, angrily throwing it into the snow beneath her. She jumped off the ship and kicked the broken torch further away, fists clenched by her side.

“Yikes-“ A voice said nearby, by the exit of the corpse spire.

J immediately swiveled around, one of her hands switching out for a rocket launcher as she aimed in its direction.

The worker drone flinched and fumbled with whatever it was he was holding before putting his hands up, eyebrows raised.

“Woah, J, relax!” He said.

“Oh.” J huffed, lowering her arm.

It was Thad, the one worker drone she managed to befriend. Well, more like he befriended her, despite her previous attempt to kill him. Granted, it was at least a few months after she had attacked that bunker.

She’d first met him in the woods, just outside of the abandoned city where “Tessa” was scouting out. She’d put J on watch duty.

At first, J didn’t bother to interact with him. But then she kept seeing him, and he’d only look even more sad and cold each time. Eventually, it turned into pity. She’d visit him while Boss was scoping the planet.

She would never admit it, but she slowly grew acquainted with this strange Worker Drone. Maybe it’s because it reminded her of the manor, when life was simpler. Maybe it’s because he reminded her so much of Tessa, goofy and dorky and funny and caring all the same. It was a breath of fresh air.

That was, until boss pulled her away from him too, because she finally had a lead.

J wouldn’t see him again for a while, at least not until everything came to a head and it was finally time for Solver to finish what it had started on the planet. They hadn’t gotten to talk at all, of course, everything was so intense, but she had noticed that he was hesitant to attack her before the planet had suddenly broken into pieces.

“What do you want? Here to mock me?” She asked with a snarl.

“Uh… no,” Thad said, scratching the back of his head. “I wanted to check up on you, actually.”

Her gaze softened as Thad walked further in.

“Y’know, that whole big battle seemed really intense. Thought you could use some company, since…” He trailed off.

J crossed her arms, putting her weight on one of her legs. “Because everyone hates me now?”

Sweat ran down his visor. He blinked and nodded slightly.

“I wanted to give you this.” He held out the item he had been holding to her.

It was a plush of a pink rabbit, its ears, arms, and legs floppy. It had button eyes and a white belly, yet it looked dirty with oil and debris. J took it from his hands and turned it slightly, looking at it.

Her expression softened more.

She loved plushies, even now after all this time since the manor days. She had missed just being able to hold one close and play with it. She gently squeezed its torso.

“…Thank you, Thad.” She said, glancing away and furrowing her brows, “But I don’t… I don’t need plushies.”

Thad raised an eyebrow. “Then why did you hesitate?”

J stopped for a moment, then moved the plush to her other hand, her claws extruding from the other as she pointed them at Thad.

“Don’t forget I can kill you right now!” She threatened, baring her teeth.

Thad put his hands up again, but only chuckled. “C’mon, J. You know you don’t have to hide anything anymore, right? You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. It’s gone. It can’t hurt you anymore.”

J froze. How did Thad know any of that? He was just a worker drone. There was no way he could’ve just said that on a whim.

He was right. She knew that. But— how?-

“I, uh… I asked V, N, and Uzi to give me a run down on everything,” Thad admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t fully understand everything, but from what I got, it… sounded pretty rough. For all of you.”

J felt her legs start to shake. First, anger, but then confusion and relief, all hit at once. Someone knew, someone, for the most part, understood, wanted to understand, wanted to understand her. Her expression twisted, trying to keep the emotions at bay, but the softness of his voice, the tone, the look he was giving.

It all made her so weak, in such a good way.

J lowered her arms and hung her head, arms shaking, her fists clenched around the bunny plush.

“And yet, after all of what they told you, you still want to talk to me?” She asked incredulously, her voice shaking slightly.

“Of course I do. You were there for me when I was stuck in the woods, even if you were mostly mocking me.” He chuckled at the memory, then added, “I’m repaying the favor.”

J glanced away from him, hugging her arms.

“Thanks, I guess.”

Thad smiled up at her, then looked past her at the ship.

“What’re you working on?” He asked.

She followed his gaze, then groaned.

“The ship. I was repairing it after I blew it up- You know, as an… apology to V. And N and Uzi, I guess,” She explained, “But I just broke the only welder I had.”

“Oh!” Thad perked up. “Want me to go grab you one?”

J looked at him again, confused. “Why?”

Thad shrugged. “Why not? I don’t want you to be lonely out here forever, J.”

Her core shook.

“Be right back, kay?” He said, turning on his heel and sprinting back out of the spire.

J watched after him until he disappeared behind the corpse walls. She looked down at the snowy footprints he made in his wake, tracing her eyes over each ridge of the shoe tracks.

She turned back to the ship, her mind wandering as she hugged her arms.

Now that she thought about it more, Thad really did remind her so much of Tessa in many more ways that she thought. They were both so bright and bubbly all the time, yet they bruised so easily. They were fragile, one and the same yet two separate people. Two separate things.

She was athletic, just like him. He was kind, just like her. He smiled with his teeth, just like she did when she laughed. She would glow when she was happy, and so would he.

He made stupid jokes just like she would, and would sometimes mess with her just to get a reaction. J gripped her arms tighter and closed her eyes.

The day of the Gala. Tessa’s left arm was hurt. It was bruised, yet untreated. J wanted to help, but she couldn’t.

“I’m ‘right, J.” Tessa would tell her, smiling nervously and rubbing the bruise with her hand.

She could tell she wasn’t alright. It hurt still, even moreso emotionally, she figured. But J never got to express how much she cared, because in the end all she was to Tessa was a pet. Something to be admired and laugh at, something that wasn’t supposed to have or understand the same complex feelings that a human possessed.

J knew she was more than that.

Then, before she and Cyn had reached the cabin fever labs. She found Thad in the woods again, hunched over and sitting in the snow, holding his left leg tightly. When she walked over, he looked up at her and smiled.

“Hey! What’s up?” He’d say, cheerfully, attempting to mask the pain he was in, albeit terribly.

“What happened to your leg?” She would ask, sounding stern and uncaring, her arms crossed across her chest, portraying faux feelings of apathy toward him.

“Oh— It’s nothin. I’m alright, J.” He’d promised, smiling up at her nervously.

Her heart swelled. He even talked like her sometimes.

J opened her eyes again and looked up at the glittering stars above her, a complacent expression playing on her face.

It was a surprisingly clear night out that night, the stars clear and twinkling softly, looking back down at her.

Thad was everything Tessa was and more, wasn’t he? He cared about J. He wanted her to have friends, to learn how to live with them so she wouldn’t have to live alone forever, regretting the decisions she made and the pain she caused.

He held his hand out for her, much like Tessa did, but this time, as a friend. Not as an owner, guiding a lost dog to her home. Thad had picked her up despite her flaws and tendencies, to try and guide her down a path of love and joy.

Not to mention, he was as handsome as his personality. J would never admit it herself, but he looked nice. Nicer than most male worker drones she had come across and ultimately slaughtered. For a moment, she wondered why he, of all drones, had hair, despite most males not having any, from what she could tell. So full of mystery as well, wasn’t he?

Just then, J froze, her head snapping back down as she stared into the distance, her eyelights hollow and blush forming beneath them.

“…Oh no…” She said slowly, the realization kicking in. “No no no!” She exclaimed, hiding her hands in her face.

She had fallen for him. And hard. Either it was because he was so much like Tessa, or because he was just himself, it didn’t matter. She liked him; no, she loved him, just as she had Tessa.

But— how could he ever love her back? She tried to kill him— She tried to kill everyone. She sided with the thing that was trying to eat the planet and kill everyone else with it. N, V, and Uzi undoubtedly hate her, and worst of all— …She was a failure. All of this time trying to be the best, and she couldn’t even do one thing right.

She failed Tessa. She failed to be the best maid, she failed to keep her safe. She failed Cyn, and the company. She was sent to do a job, yet she couldn’t even complete it.

She was pathetic.

The sound of snow crunching underfoot broke her from her thoughts, a gentle tap on her shoulder.

She flinched and turned her head.

It was Thad, looking at her with concern. “Are you okay?”

Don’t look at me like that.

“Yeah. I’m- I’m perfect!” J said, straightening her posture and turning to him, her tail swaying close to the ground. “Just fine.”

Thad tilted his head, then shrugged. He held out the welder to her.

“Here. Just don’t break it this time,” He joked.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah yeah”

J’s wings appeared from her back again and flared out as the anti-gravity jets roared to life, sending her up so she could gracefully land on the top of the landing pod again, carefully welding the metal pieces together. She watched Thad out of the corner of her eye.

He put his hands into his pockets and watched, leaning back and forth on his feet. Despite his body language, he didn’t look bored. He seemed more intrigued than anything, looking over the ship in its whole, or at least as whole as it was at the moment.

J glanced at him.

“Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you go back to the bunker now?” She asked, putting on an annoyed facade.

“It’s the middle of the night, man,” Thad explained, “No one knows I’m here. And I don’t have to get to school for another two hours.”

J huffed. “Well, you better not distract me,” She said.

Please talk to me.

Thad put his hands up and nodded. “You got it, J.”

No, not like that. Stop acting like her.

J drew her eyes away from him and back at the metal she was welding, trying to focus. But her thoughts always went back to him. She couldn’t get him out of her head. Just the thought of hugging him was enough to make her mind spiral, and the idea of holding him made her feel like melting.

She was hyper aware of all movement in the area - a side effect that came from being a disassembly drone - so every small subtle move he made was enough to gain a glance from her. When he shifted his weight, or moved his hands, or took a few steps forward, she’d notice and look at him.

Suddenly, his words broke through the icy air.

“Hey, J.”

J glanced up at him, then back at her welding job.

“What?”

A smile slowly grew on Thad’s face, getting an idea.

“What’s this thing for anyway?” He asked, knocking on a metal panel, “Trying to build some kind of forest creature?”

J paused, looking at him in confusion. “You, of all people, should know what a space ship like this is for.”

Thad shrugged. “I mean, if you look at it from an angle, it kinda looks like a messed up spider.”

J simply rolled her eyes and returned to welding the metal panels. She moved to another support and lifted another metal panel, holding it against the metal already attached to the ship.

Thad seemed to stare at her for a moment, then glanced away.

It was times like these where J wished solver granted them the power of mind reading. She wanted to know what was going on inside that little brain of his. Two out of her six eyes squinted at him, the remaining four focused on the welding.

The only thing that filled the air was the crackle of the welder and the howling of the wind for a moment, until Thad interrupted.

“Hey, JJ!” He called.

“What, Thad?” She asked, the eyes on her display deadpanning.

“I bet your humor is as hard to catch as a frisbee in the wind!” He said with full confidence, a wide dorky grin on his face, his hands on his hips.

Stop doing that. Stop being like her. What is wrong with you?

J stifled a smile and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well maybe you aren’t trying hard enough.”

“Ooh, playing hard to get! I like it!” He teased, pointing at her with finger-guns and winking, “Challenge accepted.”

J shook her head. What was he doing? What challenge? What was the point of this? What was he going to gain out of this?

J’s mind raced so much, she nearly welded her hand to the ship.

Now he was doing the one thing she told him not to do. Distract her. Granted, him merely being there was enough to distract her at first, so maybe he wasn’t at fault.

“Ooh! I got a good one,” He said, a mischievous look in his eyes as he rubbed his hands together.

“What’s white and has wheels?” He asked, anticipation in his voice.

J paused for a moment, thinking. She tilted her head slightly. In all the jokes that Tessa had told her, this was one she was unfamiliar with. Her mind went to the first most logical answer she could think of.

“A bike?” She said, hesitating.

“The snow! I lied about the wheels!” Thad basically shouted, throwing his arms into the air with a large grin across his face. She noticed that some of his teeth were strangely sharp.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” She said, rolling her eyes and returning to her welding.

“Sure it does!” Thad said with a snicker, “You gotta stop thinking so literally about everything, J.”

She stopped, if only for a moment. She remembered when Tessa had told her that, after making a dumb joke like that, with the same gesture and the same, proud grin.

Her grip tightened on the welding tool.

Thad paced around, thinking of what to try next. She glanced at him.

Seriously, what was he doing? He kept saying random jokes, despite the fact she told him not to distract her. It’s not like she was going to do anything to stop him, she liked the jokes, it just—

WOAH. No! She did not like the jokes! She didn’t like jokes! Jokes were stupid and wasted time— There wasn’t any point to them, they made no sense—

Suddenly, she heard a thud and flinched, breaking her from her thoughts once again. Her head snapped to the sound, only to see Thad stumble back from one of the ship’s legs and fall into the snow, holding his foot with a pained expression.

J couldn’t help but snicker at his misfortune, confused but delighted.

He opened an eye and looked up at her, surprised to hear her snickering. She turned her head away quickly and covered her mouth, stifling her laughter.

She lowered her head and shook it, trying to keep herself calm. Behind her, she heard Thad call her name. She looked up and turned her head to him, curious.

Right as she turned her head to him, he began sprinting up a mound of snow, only to purposefully slip and tumble down the mound, landing on his stomach. He looked up at her expectantly.

J simply stared at Thad, her eyelights half-lidded. She shook her head and averted her attention back to her welding. She was almost done with the panel.

Honestly, watching him get thrown around was kind of funny, especially since he was throwing himself around. All that, just to get her to-

The realization hit her like a bowling ball.

Those silly jokes, the stupid looks, the dumb actions that would end in him getting hurt— they were all for her. To get her to laugh and ‘loosen up a little,’ as Tessa would put it.

Dear God, he’s just like her. Why is he so much like her? What is wrong with him?!

“Oh!” Thad suddenly exclaimed, causing J to stop welding. It was alright, though. She had just finished a panel.

She groaned, trying her hardest to keep her front up, and hopped off the ship, picking up another panel.

“What did one corporate say to the other?” Thad asked, excited to tell the joke, eagerness in his voice.

J raised an eyebrow as she shook the panel off, dusting snow from it. She was intrigued this time. Thad didn’t seem the type to know anything about corporations.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing, because they’re bad at diplomacy!” He announced proudly, almost way too excited to see her reaction.

J stifled her laughter, quickly raising the new panel over her face so he wouldn’t see the look on her face.

She was smiling because of his dumb joke. It was funny, of course it was funny, and it made sense- and she was sure Thad picked up on her attempt to cover her laugh.

She tried to play it off, lunging back onto the pod with the panel in hand. In the corner of her eyes, she saw Thad’s goofy grin, and knew that trying to hide it had already failed.

A silence fell between the two of them as Thad began to pace, presumably thinking of more jokes, scratching his chin. Whenever he’d think of one, he’d stop and blurt it out. Of course, most of his jokes needed her to respond, but J didn’t mind that.

With each joke, J would giggle just a little bit more than before, even snorting quietly once. She couldn’t help it.

The way he delivered each joke with enthusiasm and the tone of a comedian, his stupid, adorable little face, full of excitement and pure joy, his face brightening whenever he’d hear her giggles.

She had to admit, his charm was irresistible.

She slowly began to forget her worries, forgetting how much Thad and Tessa had in common.

After a prolonged silence, Thad stopped in his pacing again.

“Oh! What do you do if you get the bird flu?” He asked, that same silly grin playing on his face.

J leaned back and looked at him with a smile. “What?”

“You get— …Uh…” Thad trailed off, glancing at the snow.

“Wait, I— I forgot the punchline,” He chuckled softly as he spoke, furrowing his brows as he tried to remember.

J snickered. “Take your time.” She said smugly, turning back to her welding.

Silence fell between the two again as he wracked his brain, trying to remember. J almost forgot he had even started to set up a punchline.

Suddenly, Thad’s head jolted back up as he shouted.

“Tweetment!” He exclaimed, his voice so loud it echoed through the barren outdoors.

J finally couldn’t hold in her giggles anymore, a hearty laugh erupting from her throat as she leaned back from the spot she was welding. Her legs slipped, sending her careening off of the pod and into the snow, still laughing and smiling, snorting every once in a while.

Thad grinned at her, admiring her smile and the way she laughed. He loved every snort, every giggle, every time she would roll on the ground, clutching her sides as she couldn’t stop from laughing.

He had succeeded in getting her to let loose, at least for now.

He chuckled, approaching her from the side and leaning forward slightly to hover over her face, placing his hands on his knees.

“It’s nice to see you smile like this, Jaybird,” He said softly, his expression kind and full of adoration.

J’s heart exploded in her chest, butterflies in her stomach as her eyelights hollowed at what he had just said.

Tessa’s voice echoed in her head.

“It’s nice t’see ya smile like this, Jaybird!”

That same smile. That same nickname. That same damned expression and tone of joy and pride. Those damned green eyes.

J quickly sat up and shoved his face away, turning away from him and curling up in a ball, her hands on her head.

Thad yelped and stumbled back slightly, trying not to fall.

Damn it all! Why do you have to be like this, you stupid toaster! Why? …Why me? Is this my punishment? Is this what I get?

Her mind raced, a swirl of emotions, anger and sorrow and melancholy, her core pounding in her ears.

“J?” Thad asked, concerned, rubbing his face.

She didn’t respond, her arms beginning to tremble.

She hated him. No, she hated herself. How could she let this happen? How could she allow herself to fall so heavily for this little drone? He was so much like Tessa, yet so different at the same time. She craved to hear his voice and feel his touch all the same as she did with Tessa, yet somehow stronger.

Thad’s worry only grew as he stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. “C’mon, Jaybird, talk to me. What’s up?” He asked again.

That stupid nickname!

He was so much like her. But what if he was too much like her? What if she had fallen for someone with the same quirks and personality and phrases as her first crush, just for them to be ripped away again? Just for her heart to be taken and stomped on and spit on all over again? What if he didn’t like her back? What if he was just there because he thought she was pitiful?

“…You’re so much like her,” J finally muttered, not lifting her head, her voice shaking. Despite her doubts, despite everything— she decided to tell Thad what was going on. Maybe not about how badly she wanted to kiss him, though. Not yet.

“…What?” Thad responded, sitting next to her in the snow.

“Tessa. Cyn was wearing her skin, you know.”

Thad’s eyebrows raised. “…Oh.”

J chuckled sadly, hugging her legs. “I’m such an idiot, Thad.”

She paused for a moment, waiting for Thad to react, though he didn’t.

“I sided with that thing because I thought there was no point in fighting. I knew what it could do. V and I both did.” She sniffled. “It toyed with us. It used us to slaughter billions, all three of us.”

As she began to explain, Thad sat beside her and rubbed comforting circles on her back, listening closely.

“It used us to kill Tess’s family. It used us to kill her. It wore her skin like a badge… I still remember her screams.”

Finally, J’s head lifted. She looked out at the snow, her eyelights hollow, digital tears wavering in the corners of them.

“…I tried to fight back, Thad. Before all of this— I wanted to stop it. But I never won. It would always kill me and then clone me again. There was no escape, even in death.” J paused again, then huffed. “Guess I was wrong.”

it became silent between the two. The air around them turned sour, dampened by J’s experiences.

She sniffled and sobbed, internally berating herself for being so vulnerable in front of a stupid adorable worker drone. She was pathetic.

“…Geez,” Thad finally muttered, “I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I was in your situation.”

J didn’t say anything.

“I… I don’t think you did anything wrong, J.”

She turned her head to him.

“Sure, you made some mistakes,” Thad said, shrugging, “but you were just scared. You did what you thought was right, even if it wasn’t the best. Everyone makes mistakes.”

J stared at him. “How can you not be mad at me?”

Thad thought for a moment, glancing at the stars. Then, he looked back at her. “Because everyone has their own story. You were forced to kill someone you were super close to. You gave up, because you couldn’t fight back. You only wanted to survive.”

He paused, then smiled. “In the end, that’s all any of us want, right? That’s why the Worker Drones fled under the ice when you guys showed up.”

J looked into his lime green eyes. Her heart swelled. He was genuine. He didn’t hate her. He actually understood her. He was finally someone who cared enough to see her side of the story, to listen to her grief and fear and empathize.

Something Tessa failed to do.

Tears welled up in her eyes again as she dropped her head back into her knees, hugging her legs.

Thad frowned, his brows furrowing in concern. He gently leaned on her, awkwardly slinging his arm around her shoulders and patting her arm.

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay, J,” He reassured, speaking slowly and softly.

Stop doing that.

She hated this. She hated being vulnerable like this, sobbing pathetically into her knees while a Worker Drone leaned on her, comforting her. She hated that it was working. She hated that she needed comfort. She had said it before, she would say it again. She didn’t need anybody.

…But deep down, she knew that wasn’t true. Without someone to boss her around, what was she worth? If she couldn’t do a job, what was the point? That was the real reason she had started to put that stupid pod back together.

Most of all, J hated how much she crumbled around Thad. She hated how much he reminded her of Tessa, and how she fell for him just like she did her. Just because they cared. Just because they were trying to save her from a terrible path. She hated how pathetic she was.

She was suddenly broken from her thoughts by the sound of an alarm. She hadn’t even realized she stopped crying. How long were they sitting there for?

Thad jolted upright, slapping his face.

“Crap! I stayed out too long! I’m sorry, J, but I gotta bolt!” He said in a panic, quickly scrambling to his feet.

J perked up as well, but quickly turned, her knees hitting the snow as she reached up and grabbed his wrist.

“Wait!” She called.

He stopped and looked back at her, surprised.

She looked back up at him. Blush spread across her visor as her jaw hung open, eyelights hollow.

Wait. What am I doing?! She thought, panic rushing through her wiring.

“…Uh… P…Please… don’t leave me.” She asked quietly, glancing away, “I… I, uh… I feel better when I’m around you, Thad.”

She groaned and pulled her hand away, covering her face.

“God, I’m so pathetic, aren’t I…?” She asked no one in particular.

Thad didn’t seem to move for a second. Then, he dropped down onto his knees and gently grabbed her hands, pulling them off her face with a soft smile.

“No no, it’s okay! What’s one missed day of school, right?” He shrugged, “It’s Friday anyway. I’ll stay. I promise.”

J looked at him in the eyes, her processor running at two miles an hour. She felt so conflicted— she wanted him to stay, but her pride— like it wasn’t already damaged enough— but it’s a Worker Drone! I don’t need pity from a worker drone—

“…Thank you.” She muttered, cracking a small smile.

Thad smiled back.

“No probbles.”

J snickered.

“Such a dumb abbreviation.”

She didn’t care. She could sit like this for the rest of forever.

.

.

.

HOOLLLYYY SHIIIT. LONGEST ONE OF THESE EVER I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL OF YOUR DASHBOARDS. ANYWAY. I'm so sorry this took fucking ages to complete, my personal life has been so so busy.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED ANYWAY!! This was so so much fun to write, I love exploring J's character. AUGH. Don't worry Thad eventually helps her get over Tessa :D

Also so sorry to all the people who are waiting on their requests , especially to those who have been waiting since August. Life has been busy and I've been unmotivated. I'm hoping to get back to it whenever I can though!!!!

~~~~~~~

Prompt Post! Lizzy x Doll; "Stay with me forever"/"Because I love you!" N x V; "I thought you didn't want me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" V x Thad; "I'm in love with you" V x Thad "I missed you so much"/"I can't stay away from you" N x Thad; "Can I kiss you?" N x Thad; "I want you. Only you." V x Thad; "I thought you didn't want me." Sam x Uzi; "The way I feel with you"/"I can't stay away from you." Uzi x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'll always love you" N x Thad; "Please marry me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" N x Uzi; "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen"/"I'm better when I'm with you" J x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'm better when I'm with you." <- You are here!

[darnell-la]

𝗧𝗔𝗞𝗘 𝗜𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥

pairing: the wolverine x assassin!reader

warning: Wolverine struggling to regenerate, stabbing, brutal killing, manhandling, pinning, trapped, cutting clothes off, breaking skin, rough sex, begged, hard orgasm, etc.

request: After Logan gets taken back to Japan for his old friend buddy's last goodbye, idk if you've seen that movie but you know how their interaction goes, and then the old friend dies. Basically, people start going after his granddaughter uh sorry anyway after the old friend's funeral Logan gets away with the granddaughter and heads to the safe house. Once there Logan gets to relax for a few days till more bad guys show up and try taking the granddaughter. It makes Logan angry and as he ends up fighting one of the bad guys he discovers it's a female and that's when female y/n comes in place. Maybe Logan is just too tired and overall angry he takes it out on y/n in a very aggressive nsfw fashion of course

note: this story is a bit all over the place because of how angry the Wolverine is in here. He isn’t as nice as usual. He takes what he wants, and of course, y/n’s going to take it all.

Please comment, like, reblog, request, and follow us!

———

How do you guys feel about a x men story with reader? Logan being rude Logan at first, then slowly shows small affection towards the reader. Jealousy and things of that sort. They soon hit it off, and after Logan starts acting rude again, because he’s scared of the love he grew for her. It’ll be a long story, but something to read at night. ALL ON WATTPAD! Comment below, please!

———

“Mariko?” Logan growled as he woke up on the couch he chose to take so the princess could take the bed. “Hey — Mariko!” Logan groans, sleeping from the well-needed nap after all he’s been through for the past few days.

“Hey?” Logan heard Mariko speak as she opened the front door. Logan quickly leaned up from the couch, remembering that there were people after her.

“Shit,” the man groaned under his breath as he got up, falling at first, but got back up and ran to the front door. She was speaking to someone who he couldn’t see.

“Alright, talk time over,” Logan said as he pulled Mariko from the door. He went to shut it until he saw who stood in front of him. A woman.

“Hi, I was just wondering if you were interested in some fruits?” The woman asked, making him look down at the covered basket she had in hand.

“Come on, Logan — We haven’t eaten a good meal in a while,” the princess spoke behind Logan. He had jumped at her voice, almost forgetting she was there. He was too focused on the woman standing before him in a white wavey dress.

“Uh- Sure, sure — Two for the lady and one for me,” Logan said as he dug into his pockets, looking down to see if he had changed on him.

As Logan locked for chained, he saw the woman open the basket. He saw the fruit, but under the few was a knife. A sharp snide that looked like it was made out of carbonadium. Something that can kill him.

“Shit- Princess, safe room-“ before he could finish as he turned around, the woman kicked open the door, making the man fall to the ground.

Mariko screamed as y/n ripped her dress off, showing her in a suit. The wavey skirt and the tight shirt that was swordproof, made Mariko’s heart pound. She knew this was the doing of her father.

Y/n jumped onto the man’s back as several other men came into the house from different angles.

Y/n quickly stuck the man in his upper shoulder, causing him to yell out in pain. She twisted in carbonadium knife, smirking at the pain he finally could feel. “You won’t be healing soon,” she said before getting off of the man to go after Mariko.

“No, no!” The man tried grabbing after the woman, but he couldn’t. The pain that went through his shoulder only angered him. This whole fucking situation angered him.

Logan growled as he struggled to get up onto his knees. It took him a while, but he finally got to his feet, almost tipping over, but he held himself together.

The man reached behind his back, struggling to find the knife until he did. The man gripped it hard before pulling it out with an animalistic yell.

“Hurry! He’s coming back!” Y/n, the woman yelled at her men as they tried breaking done the steal door Mariko was hiding behind. She was quick to run, giving Logan time to get up and active.

“Who sent you?” Logan asked, slightly knowing who it could be, but he needed to know for sure. “He’s back! Fight!” Y/n yelled, making her men turn around and attack Logan.

Y/n stayed behind, trying to cut the wires to the key, but it would take a while. She needed to cut the right ones.

The noises Logan made as he fought the men with carbonadium swords, slightly scared y/n. She told Mariko’s grandfather that she was ready, but she knew nothing about Logan.

He was an animal. An animal that has been holding anger for years, and these past few days have been bottling up inside of him.

The carbonadium wasn’t working on the man. Yes, it cut through his skin, making it sting worse than usual, but he still slightly healed. The adrenaline in his body was the danger.

“Retreat! Retreat!” One of her men said, making her turn around to see Logan rip apart the last few remaining. She jumped at the way his claws sliced one’s neck.

Logan was on one knee, in a superhero landing position as he breathed heavily, claws out and to the side as he tightened his fists.

“Shit,” y/n took off and ran towards the back door that was open after Logan looked up at her. His eyes were dark, his fangs showed, his mouth quivered and his growls were deep. She was the last one left. She needed to get out.

Y/n almost made it to the front door, hoping she could make it to the van they all came in, but she was caught and thrown back in the house.

Y/n whined as she grabbed her side, feeling pain in an instant. She was no mutant. She was a human. She’s trained almost her whole life, but she would never stand a chance against someone like the Wolverine.

“I’ll give you a chance like I gave you men. Who sent you!?” Logan asked, walking over to her as she slowly crawled backward on the floor.

“Please, spare me,” the young lady said as he held a hand out, still not willing to give up her senpai’s name. “Who the fuck sent you woman!” Logan yelled as he hovered over her.

“Logan! The fight is done, just let her go! This is not her fault!” Mariko yelled from inside the safe room. As Logan heard her pushing the codes, he ran over to the door and roped out the outside keypad, making the inside malfunction.

“Logan? Logan! Logan!” Mariko yelled, feeling his anger from inside the room. “Stay there, princess. I’ve got some business to take care of,” Logan said as he looked back at y/n.

Y/n quickly got up in pain and ran. She yelled, hoping someone would maybe hear and help her, but even if they could hear her, who would want to go against the Wolverine.

“You ain’t gettin’ out of here,” Logan lunged after the young lady until he got her, picking her up and slamming onto the hardwood table in the dining room.

Y/n yelped, trying to move and get rid of the pain, but Logan picked her up and slammed her back onto the table.

“Ow!” She cried out as he stared down at her in anger. One hand retracted his claws as he pushed her shoulder down and the other stayed out, hovering over her face.

“Don’t make me hurt you if I don’t have to, Bub. Who sent you?” The man asked as his blades slightly stuck at her neck to scare her.

Usually, he would’ve killed her but now, the way she looked at him in fear and struggled with his one hand on her shoulder, made his breathing slow down. She wasn’t alarming. She wouldn’t stand a chance against him.

“You were badass just a second ago. Climbing in my back and stabbing me with that carbonadium or adamantium shit,”

“Please, just- Just let me go,” y/n begged as the blades broke the skin, making tears slip from her eyes. “Why can’t you just tell me, kid. You’re risking your life for someone who doesn’t care for yours,” Logan said, feeling a bit sad for the young lady, but he couldn’t show that. At least not at this time.

“I will never give his name. I serve him with all my life,” y/n said, eyes so glossy, she could barely see Logan. “That’s a shame, princess,” Logan traced his blades down the girl's neck, making viable scratches.

The man watched the woman’s mouth part, trying to keep in the pain, but she was human. It stung like hell.

“You’ll do anything for your master? Anything?” He asked as his blade stopped in the middle of her shirt, at the top of the collar. “Anything,” she tried seeming tough, but that soon faded as the made ripped at her suit.

Y/n’s tits flashed the man, making him groan low. “No bra on a mission? What did you expect when you got here?” Logan said, making it seem like she dressed this way for him.

“W-Wolverine, please,” y/n sobbed low as his eyes trailed down the rest of her body. “Pretty girls shouldn’t be out on missions. Especially for me. Do you know what I do to those girls?” Logan asked as he slowly lifted her skirt.

Mariko had no idea what was going on from front the outside. He had destroyed the speaker on the keypad. He can tell himself he didn’t plan this, but distorting the speaker could argue against that.

“P-Please — Take her, and I’ll leave. I won’t follow,” y/n said, feeling her heart rate speed up. “But I haven’t told you what I do to pretty girls like you,” Logan said as his blade trailed down her stomach until it cut her panties.

Y/n whined as she bucked her hips, trying to get from under him, but there was no use. The man chuckles as he rips the rest of her panties off.

“I teach them a real lesson,” Logan said as he began tugging on his belt. “W-Wolverine, stop this. Spare me, I swear I won’t follow,” Y/n said as her eyes kept switching from his eyes to his crotch.

“After I’m done with you, you’ll be coming with us. You’ve fucked yourself over,” Logan said. “N-No — No, I can’t,” y/n finally began pushing at his arm and pushed her shoulder down.

Logan retracted his last claws before he reached into his jeans and pulled himself out. Y/n had stopped moving for a second, eyes widening as she scanned his length.

The man was painfully hard, cock red and slightly blue as pre cum slipped past the slit of his tip. “N-No,” y/n stuttered as she slowly began to fight again, kicking and clawing at him, but nothing was working.

“You said you’d do anything for your master. Let’s see how much you’ll do,” he said as he moved up in between her legs, making her legs part wide.

“N-No, sir!” Y/n pushed at his lower stomach as he pushed at her entrance. “C’mon, princess. Let me in,” Logan growled, hands coming to her waist to grip and pull her into him.

“S-Sir,” y/n stuttered with a whine as she threw her head back. The young lady's back arched as her hands grabbed his wrist, trying to grab onto something to help the pain she felt in her lower stomach.

He was huge, and he knew that. He was just too angry to care about it. He needed to take it out somehow, and this random assassin that was sent to kill him and take Mariko was perfect. She was perfect.

“Should’ve quit, baby. Should’ve said no to this mission,” the man began moving at a fast hard pace, watching her body jolt at his strokes.

“P-Please, stop!” Y/n cried out, feeling her orgasm near. She was going to cum by the Wolverine pounding into her. How could she? How could she do this to her people?

“You sure, Bub? You’re about to cum — I can feel it,” Logan growled as he snapped his hips faster, watching her grip his worst tightened and shake her head.

It was getting hard to hold in her moans. He used her so well, and she couldn’t lie and say she hated it. Her body said the complete opposite. She was going to gush around him, and he was going to shoot it.

“Names Logan, by the way, Bub, and I’m gonna use all my anger out on you,”

Logan pulled back and picked the girl up, throwing her over his shoulders, and made his way into the spare room he let Mariko have last night.

“L-Logan,” y/n said the man’s name, not actually knowing why. The man threw y/n on the bed, instantly hovered over her, and turned her onto her stomach.

“Please, spare-“ y/n went to beg again, embarrassed that she wanted to explode, but he ignored her as he forced his way back through her slit, stretching her at a different angle.

Y/n cried into the pillow as her hands flew back, trying to slow his thrust by placing her hands on his lower stomach.

The man was shirtless when he opened the door, and at first, y/n was thankful for that because she could stab him better, but now, she was glad that she could feel him.

She was a struggling mess, giving him a hard time, but she knew deep down she loved this. She loved being taken just like this by him. By the Wolverine.

“C’mon, baby — Take it,” Logan grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them on her back before pushing down and snapping his hips.

Y/m felt like her back was going to break. Her vision had already gone blurry and her legs had started trembling.

With no words, only moans, y/n came around Logan’s cock, soaking him and the bed. “Ah huh, ah huh,” the man groaned as one of his hands gripped her hair and pulled her head back to hear her.

“Don’t fuckin’ hide it, kid. Cry on my cock proudly. Keep sickin’ me in for your master,” Logan said with a smirk, knowing she’d feel embarrassed if he knew what she was up to.

“Assassin my ass — Look at you. Fuckin’ weak. So fuckin’ weak, you can barely talk,” Logan teased before pushing her head into the pillow she was just crying in.

“Take it, take it! Fuckin’ take me, baby,”

[iamgonnagetyouback]

𝟷.𝟸𝚔 || 𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You assume Luke and Jess are sexist when they say you can't assemble a chair.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None except loads of fluff

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Jess Mariano x reader

It was a busy day at Luke’s Diner. The place was packed, and Luke, always a stickler for doing things himself, had accepted a delivery of new chairs that needed to be assembled. Naturally, Lorelai had dragged you in with the promise of coffee and pancakes, which quickly turned into you offering to help.

"Okay, so these are the parts," you said, staring down at the instruction sheet in front of you. "This doesn't look too bad."

Lorelai leaned in, glancing over your shoulder. "You say that now, but just wait until you're drowning in screws and bolts."

"Great, so optimistic," you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

As you started unpacking the parts, Luke wandered over. "Y/N, you sure you got this? These chairs are heavy. I usually handle this kind of thing myself."

You frowned, pausing mid-screw. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

Luke blinked, confused. "I just mean, you know… It’s heavy lifting."

Your frown deepened, and Lorelai was already smirking, sensing the impending storm.

"That’s so sexist of you, Luke!" you said, standing up straighter, putting your hands on your hips. "What? You think just because I’m a woman, I can’t handle it?"

Luke stammered, "No, no! I didn’t say that—"

You cut him off, pointing the screwdriver in his direction. "Yes, you did! You basically just said, 'Y/N, you can’t do it.' So rude."

Just then, Jess strolled in from the storage room, looking as nonchalant as ever, a book tucked under his arm. "What’s going on here?"

You spun around to face him. "Jess! Defend my honor!"

Jess quirked a brow, glancing between you and Luke. "From what?"

"From Luke's blatant sexism!" you exclaimed. "He doesn't think I can assemble these chairs."

Luke muttered something about his words being taken out of context, but you ignored him.

Jess chuckled, leaning against the counter. "Well… to be fair, I don’t think you can do it either."

You stared at him, aghast. "Excuse me? Are you guys just going to assume that a woman can’t do this?"

His lips quirked up into that infuriatingly smug smile he was so good at. "It's not about being a woman or not. A woman can definitely do it," he said, pausing dramatically, "but you? I’m not so sure."

Your jaw dropped, and you grabbed the nearest thing—an old magazine from the table—and swatted him with it. "You're the worst! Take it back!"

Jess dodged the hit with a smirk, not even trying to hide his amusement. "You’re cute when you're mad, you know that?"

"Oh, you think so?" You raised the magazine again, your eyes narrowing. "Well, get ready because I'm about to become fucking adorable."

Jess laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay! I'm just kidding. Jeez, Cherry."

Lorelai, watching the whole interaction with great interest, nudged Luke. "See? They're made for each other."

Luke grunted. "They're made for driving me crazy."

You crossed your arms, glaring at Jess. "You're gonna help me finish these chairs, Mariano, or I'll make sure you regret it."

Jess shrugged, still grinning. "Sure, whatever you say. Just… try not to break anything."

You shot him a withering look, but inside, you couldn't help the little flutter of excitement you always got when Jess teased you like this. He was impossible, and yet, you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

As you two got to work—Jess actually offering helpful tips here and there—Lorelai sighed dramatically from the booth. "I give it six months before these two are married."

Luke glanced at her, unimpressed. "I give it two weeks before they’re banned from this diner."

You and Jess exchanged a quick look as you muttered, "Fine," giving Jess another playful shove as he handed you the next screw. "But I’m still mad at you."

Jess leaned in, his voice soft and teasing. "You look adorable when you’re mad."

You huffed, trying not to smile. "I hate you."

"Sure you do," he whispered, grinning as he bumped your shoulder, "and I think you're adorable too."

I am having a cherry flavored lollipop right now and I just realized Jess is MADE to say the nickname 'cherry'. 🍒

[dailykafka]

I'm not sure if this is just me, but... somehow, I find there is this strange perversion to the idea of Franz Kafka's diaries and all his letters being exposed to the world completely against his will. All of his deepest, heartfelt secrets, where he is his most vulnerable, most sensitive, most wicked and most anxious, all never meant to be read by everyone. Now people a century later have all sorts of thoughts about his life, his most personal views, and his lovers. Some call him a twisted incel, others say he's a miserable timid boy with daddy issues, many other judgements that even I would fear to be labelled off. Given that he had wrote to himself that he wished to not be perceived, or something of the sort, now his most intimate letters to his Father and his lovers are now dawned upon by millions of eyes, under profound judgement from different types of minds. Yet, there is this certain schadenfreude about that which feels more pleasurable than it should be. It's weird. I'm sure we all feel it too, and I guess that's why we love Franz Kafka so much. Whether I'm against his diary being shared or not, I'll not say. Too much of a headache to get into the nuances of. But I just want to share a feeling of this sort. I don't know.

This is a very interesting perspective. I think the thing is that humans are naturally curious creatures and we want to know more about something or someone, especially if it's not meant for us. So yes, there's definitely some sort of weird pleasure in that, like a child stealing a candy. We know it's wrong but we are still curious.

And about interpreting Kafka, obviously the diaries help creating a certain image of him (which then gets popularized on the internet) and misinterpreting or misunderstanding him is a natural consequence of all this.

For me, while I read his diaries and letters, I understand that the Kafka that I know and the Kafka that existed are not the same people. It's impossible to know "true" Kafka but I'm content with seeing parts of him. The important thing is to realize that what we see and what we construct in our heads is not wholly who Kafka was. And I think it's okay not to know "true" Kafka, obviously we shouldn't stretch our interpretations too much, putting labels on Kafka which are not necessarily true, or which we can't really know, but it's okay to have a certain image of him and also knowing that that's not the whole story. And it's okay not to know the whole story.

The diaries and letters are already out, we can't reverse that. What matters is how we interact with them. We can have our interpretations of Kafka, of anyone really, but also it's important not to get too carried away with it and to treat Kafka with respect.

[chosotallgf]

DOUBLE IDENTITY #3 - TOJI FUSHIGURO

🔙 previous chapter

SYNOPSIS - y/n is a third year college student who is about to intern for the top business company in Japan in a week, what happens when she unknowingly cross paths with her future boss not knowing he's hiding a secret.

WARNINGS - mafiaboss toji x fém!reader, geto x fém! reader, alcohol, moderate au, sexual activity, criminal activity & behavior, naoya is his own warning, angst & fluff (not really lol) not proof read

As the night when on and more drinks were consumed, it was obvious how wasted you were than everyone else in the group. Slurring horrible jokes with Gojo and dancing like you were alone in your room. God how you wish you listen to utahime earlier and took it easy, that stupid bartender just wanted to run our pockets empty.

as you where dancing you felt someone behind you, scared it was a complète stranger but it was just geto “dancing all alone here?” he whispered in my ear. his hot alcohol breath sending shivers down my spine. Turning my head to look behind me I giggle “are you gonna be a gentleman and dance with me?” flashing my eyelashes up at him.

his tall present shadowing over me was already enough to make me feel things I didn’t want too. “I thought you wouldn’t ask” as soon as he said that I got right to it and started grinding on him. his hands griping my hips in a smooth manner following the music.

I’m feeling up against his crotch I can tell he’s starting to get hard “someone excited” i teased at his growing erection. “You find my little problem funny huh” geto slurred as he slowly started to move his hands down to my ass and slap it getting a gasp out of me.

Across the dance floor watching the whole interaction shoko shook her head her “those two together drunk is a bad idea they do reckless things than regret it” “don’t be a cock blocker” Gojo comes behind them with a tray of more drinks. “he hasn’t had anything action this whole semester” utahime whips her head around “and how would you know that” she questions.

“Because the dorm rooms are like paper thin so everyone I could know if he was, can’t say for myself tho” “pathetic, well I’m stopping it, it’s already 4am I’m tried and I’m not babysitting any longer.” Utahime march over to you and geto startling the both of you.

“omg utahime you scared me where have you been” you slurred out trying to hug her. “That’s enough for tonight let’s go say bye” talking to you like the a child who’s leaving a weekend sleepover. “Already? The fun was just getting started” geto winks at you and you blush. “Yes now come on before I leave you”

Even tho she would never you don’t take her words lightly. following her back to you guys area, you stop mid way realizing you had to pee so badly so you quietly sneak away. ‘Shit where is the bathroom around here’ finally seeing the sign you wobble over and as you came closer you in the hall there was a long line forming outside the women’s bathroom.

‘I’m gonna pissed my self if I don’t get to a toilet any sooner’ you whine. suddenly, an idea popped in your head to use the up stairs bathroom surely it was for VIP only in that area but you could work your way around it. Looking out to see who was securing the stairs to there surprisingly didn’t see anyone.

‘That’s odd they would always have a guy or two on stand by, oh well’. ducking going up the stairs so you wouldn’t get caught as you walk by slightly crack door, peeking you saw older business casual men no later than their 30s getting lap dances by strippers as cash was getting blown around.

‘So this what happens up here, I thought they only serve drinks?’. Moving on, reaching a dark lighten hall way, you finally found a bathroom with staff only on it. Not caring you enter the one person bathroom.

A/N - the few chapters it’s gonna get more interesting :)

[gingermintpepper]

As usual I read your tags always and so you said Apollo did not ask for resurrection of Asclepius and Hyacinthus so i just wanted to share this. About Asclepius death I read it on theoi.com, that earlier authors don't make him resurrect as a god but that's a later development mentioned only by Roman authors like Cicero, Hyginus and Ovid. But still Apollo has a role in Ovid's version

Ovid, Fasti 6. 735 ff (trans.Boyle) (Roman poetry C1st B.C. to C1st A.D.) : Clymenus [Haides] and Clotho resent the threads of life respun and death's royal rights diminished. Jove [Zeus] feared the precedent and aimed his thunderbolt at the man who employed excessive art. Phoebus [Apollon], you whined. He is a god; smile at your father, who, for your sake, undoes his prohibitions [i.e. when he obtains immortality for Asklepios].

So here it is actually because of Apollo the decision was taken to resurrect him as god. And with Hyacinthus, I don't think I've read about Artemis playing the primary role. I know in Sparta there was a picture of Artemis, Athena and Aphrodite carrying Hyacinthus and his sister to heaven.

This is not on theoi.com but I saw on Tumblr it's from Dionysiaca by Nonnus

Second, my lord Oiagros wove a winding lay, as the father of Orpheus who has the Muse his boon companion. Only a couple of verses he sang, a ditty of Phoibos, clearspoken in few words after some Amyclaian style: Apollo brought to life again his longhaired Hyacinthos: Staphylos will be made to live for aye by Dionysos.

So since he is singing inspired by amyclean stories it probably means in that place it was believed Apollo was the one to bring back his lover to life.

Apollo as god of order was very important so i think it shows how special these people (and admetus too) were to him that he decided to go against the order for them 🥺

ANON!! Shakes you like a bottle of ramune!! BELOVED ANON!!!!! I'm littering your face with kisses, I'm anointing you with olive oil and honey - you absolutely made my night with this because, not only did I get the pure serotonin shot of having someone interact with my tags (yippee, wahoo!!) I also got to have that wonderful feeling of "oh wow, have I misunderstood something that was integral to my understanding of this myth/figure this whole time or is this a case of interpretational differences?" which is imo vital for my aims and interests as someone who enjoys mythological content and literature.

I'll preface my response with this: Hyacinthus is by far the hardest of these to get accounts for because his revival itself, as you very astutely point out, is generally accounted for in painting/ritual format which muddies the waters on who interceded for what. I wasn't actually familiar with that passage from the Argonautica - and certainly didn't remember it so thank you very much for bringing it to my attention!

That said, what I've come to understand, both about Hyacinthus and about Asclepius is that in the accounts of their deaths, Apollo's position is startlingly clear.

For Hyacinthus, it is established time and again that Apollo would have sacrificed everything for him - his status, his power, his very own immortality and divinity. Ovid writes that Apollo would have installed him as a god if only he had the time:

(Ovid. Metamorphoses. Book X. trans. Johnston)

Many other writers too speak of how Apollo abandoned his lyre and his seat at Delphi to spend his days with Hyacinthus, but they also all agree that when it came to his death - he was powerless. Ovid gives that graphic account of Apollo's desperation as he tries all his healing arts to save him to no avail:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book X. Apollo me boy, methinks him dead. trans Johnston)

Bion, in one of his fragments, writes that Apollo was "dumb" upon seeing Hyacinthus' agony:

(Bion, The Bucolic Poets. Fragment XI. trans Edmonds)

Even Nonnus in the Dionysiaca speaks constantly of Apollo's helplessness in the face of Hyacinthus' fate where he writes that the god still shivers if a westward wind blows upon an iris:

and when Zephyros breathed through the flowery garden, Apollo turned a quick eye upon his young darling, his yearning never satisfied; if he saw the plant beaten by the breezes, he remembered the quoit, and trembled for fear the wind, so jealous once about the boy, might hate him even in a leaf...

(Nonnus, Dionysiaca, Book 3. trans Rouse)

And the point here is just that - Apollo, at least as far as I've read, cannot avert someone's death. He simply can't. Once they're already dead - once Fate has cut their string - all Apollo's power is gone and he can do nothing no matter how much he wants to. And this is, as far as I know, supported with the accounts of Asclepius as well!

Since you specifically brought up Ovid's account, I'll also stick only to Ovid's account but in Metamorphoses when we get Ovid's version of Coronis' demise, he writes that Apollo intensely and immediately regrets slaughtering Coronis. He regrets it so intensely that he, like he does with Hyacinthus, does his best to resuscitate her:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo's regret)

And like Hyacinthus, when it becomes clear that what has happened cannot be undone, Apollo wails:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo wept.)

Unlike his mother, Asclepius in her womb had not yet died and so, with the last of Apollo's strength, he does manage, at least, to save him.

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo puts the 'tearing out' in Asclepius.)

But it goes further than even that because Ocyrhoe, Chiron's daughter, a prophetess who unduly gained the ability to directly proclaim the secrets of the Fates, upon seeing the baby Asclepius, immediately prophesies his glory, his inevitable death and then his fated ascension:

(Ovid. Metamorphoses, Book Two. Ocyrhoe's prophecy. trans Johnston)

Before she too succumbs to her hubris and is transformed by the Fates into a horse so she can no longer speak secrets that aren't hers to share.

These things ultimately are important because it establishes two very important things: 1) Apollo can't do anything in the face of the ultimate Fate of mortals, which is, of course, death and 2) even when Apollo is Actively Devastated, regretful, yearning, mournful, guilty or some unholy combination of all of the above, when someone is dead, he accepts that they are gone. Even if he is devastated by it, even if he'll cry all the rest of his days about it - if they're dead? Apollo lets them go. In Fasti, when Zeus brings Asclepius back, he does not say Apollo asked him to - Zeus, or well, in this case Jove, brings Asclepius back because he wants Apollo to stop being mad at him.

(Ovid, Fasti VI. Apollo please come home your father misses you. trans. A.S Kline)

Even Boyle's translation which you used above in your findings hints that Zeus made Asclepius a god because he wanted Apollo to stop grieving. (i.e 'smile at your father', 'for your sake [he] undoes his prohibitions')

And like, Apollo was deeply upset by Asclepius' death - apart from killing the Cyclops in anger, in book 4 of the Argonautica, Apollonius writes that the Celts believe the stream of Eridanus to be the tears Apollo shed over the death of Asclepius when he left for Hyperborea after being chastised by Zeus for killing his Cyclops:

But the Celts have attached this story to them, that these are the tears of Leto's son, Apollo, that are borne along by the eddies, the countless tears that he shed aforetime when he came to the sacred race of the Hyperboreans and left shining heaven at the chiding of his father, being in wrath concerning his son whom divine Coronis bare in bright Lacereia at the mouth of Amyrus.

It all paints a very clear picture to me. Apollo did not ask for either of them to be brought back. Though bringing them back certainly pleased and delighted him, they are actions of other gods who are moved by Apollo's grief and mourning and seek to mollify him. Him not asking doesn't mean he didn't want them back which I think is a very important distinction by the by, but it simply means that Apollo knows the natural order of things and, even if it hurts, he isn't going to press his luck about it.

Which, of course, brings us to Admetus. And I'm really not going to overcomplicate this, Admetus is different because, very vitally, Admetus is not dead. Apollo can't do a thing once Fate has been carried out and Death has claimed a mortal but you know what he absolutely can do? Bargain like hell with the Fates before that point of inevitability. And that's what he does, ultimately for Admetus and Alcestis. He sought to prolong Admetus' life, not revive him from death or absolve him from death altogether and even after getting the Fates drunk, he's still only able to organise a sacrifice - a life for a life - something completely contingent on whether some other mortal would be willing to die in Admetus' place and not at all controllable by Apollo's own power.

All of these things, I think come back to that point you made - that Apollo's place as a god of order is very important and therefore these people are very special to him if it means he's willing to go against that order but, I also wish to challenge that opinion if you'd let me. Apollo's place as a god of order is very important and therefore, I would argue, that it is even more important that it is shown that he does not break the divine order, especially for the people that mean the most to him. The original context of my comments which started this conversation were on this lovely, lovely post by @hyacinthusmemorial which contemplated upon Asclepius from the perspective of an Emergency Medical personnel and included, in their tags, the very poignant lines "there's something about Apollo letting go when Asclepius couldn't that eats my heart away" and "you do what you can, you do your best, but you don't ever reach too far" and I think that's perfectly embodied with the Apollo-Asclepius dichotomy. Apollo grieves. He wails, he cries, he does his best each and every time to save that which is precious to him but he does not curse their nature, he does not resent that they are human and ultimately, he accepts that that which is mortal must inevitably die. There is nothing that so saliently proves that those who uphold rules are also their most staunch followers - if Apollo wants to delight in his place as Fate's mouthpiece, he cannot undo Fate. And, if even the god of healing and order himself cannot undo death, what right does Asclepius, mortal as he is, talented as he is, have to disrespect it?

The beauty of these stories isn't that Apollo loved them enough to bring them back. The beauty is that Apollo loved them enough to let them go.

[thelostgirl21]

So, you are telling me that Jaskier used to wear outfits the color of the sea in Season 1...

That he constantly complains about his feet hurting, or struggling with keeping his footing while having to wear boots (is the problem his actual boots or a lack of early practice in life?!)...

That he got all excited at the thought that Geralt might catch him a fish to eat...

That a huge part of his identity and the pride he takes in himself is tied to his singing voice and abilities...

That his songs have been described as having the power to sing a king off his clothes...

That helping his best friend in the whole wide world bathe after rubbing soothing chamomile onto his lovely bottom is typical friendship behavior to him...

That he vulnerably asked for Geralt to get away for a while with him, and head to the (west?) coast, in the hopes that he might be able to prove himself a worthy [travel] companion (works whether you interpret the interest as romantic or queerplatonic).

And then he basically implied that (returning home with Geralt?) might be what would please him most.

That the very first thing he did after Geralt returned to him and got him out of his cell in Season 2, is take off his top and jump into the freaking nearest body of water!

That he's hypersensitive to the way people on land start stinking after a while (including himself), and will openly suggest they should bathe (or downright bathe them himself)!

That he talks with animals...

That you had him fall in love with a human prince in Season 3...

... then had him sing a song about a human prince that falls in love with a siren to Ciri right before you had him go meet with said prince, share his first kiss with him, and make love to him in a woodshed!

... only to show a clip from "Sirens of the Deep" revealing that the Netflix version of Jaskier is from

Bremervoord

a.k.a. The vassal state of Cidaris and one of the places that goes the furthest west into the sea on the Continent!

Bremervoord, with an economy running primarily on pearls fishing.

Bremervoord, the place where the story of Jaskier's Season 3 song, "A Little Sacrifice" takes place...

A place where a prince (though I think it's a duke in the actual short story) meets a siren, falls in love with her, and willingly leaves his human life behind to follow her at sea.*

*according to the song, at least! And I'm not sure it ends well for the prince of the song, because that part about him sinking to darkest night sounds a bit ominous if you ask me... The book's short story has a different conclusion.

You're basically telling me that Jaskier comes from a place on the coast that goes far into the sea to the west, a place where merpeople and humans occasionally interact, and that he didn't really feel like talking about where he's from, because he felt like the only way for him to ever be able to "become himself" was to leave his home behind...

... AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO LATCH ONTO THAT POPULAR MERMAN!JASKIER THEORY?!

OR INSTINCTIVELY START DEVELOPING A BUNCH OF HEADCANONS ABOUT IT?

For example :

What if Jaskier keeps repeating that "he's just a bard" not because he's actually dismissing how good, influential, or powerful he is...

... but because he chose to give up his tail to permanently become a human, and he doesn't like to be reminded that he doesn't quite "fully belong" with humanity, because there's something a bit different and "unique" about his singing.

What if, growing up as a merboy, he'd kept feeling like he was born in the wrong body and with the wrong species given his brethren's attitude about singing as an artform.

What if when merpeople sing, they typically rely on pure melodies without lyrics, and argue that only humans and other species of the land - with their inferior vocal capabilities - must rely on something as primitive as words and lyrics to inspire emotions and make ideas take root into other people's minds.

What if they do have a singing speech pattern, but when it comes to artistic expression, the songs are purely melodic.

But Jaskier, after listening to some of the folk songs that the local bards enjoy singing by the fire at the beach, often accompanied by a lute or other instruments, fell in love with the way the words of those songs flow and sound.

Perhaps he revealed himself to Essi then, and that, instead of being scared of him, she agreed to show him how to play the lute, speak her language, and sing the way humans do.

And when he did fully grasp the beauty and the power of using verbal poetry into songs, he knew he could never look back.

What if Essi was the first person to ever really see him for who he was and treat him as family, hence why he loves her like a little sister.

Maybe "the Lettenhoves" are basically a group of merpeople with no actual blood relation, that lost their own families and were rejected by them when they chose to make the full transition from merperson to human.

By pretending to be blood relatives, they've managed, however, to realistically pass as a large human noble family, acquire a bunch of lands and estates over the years that is passed to each new generation that wants them, and each new member is given a certain amount of money when they become one of the Lettenhoves to begin their new life on land!

They aren't extremely close, because they each have their own lives and personal ventures (very few go into singing careers), but they are still people that understand what being a human born at sea feels like, and that will be there to offer each other help and support if need be!

And so, Jaskier was able to go study at the University of Oxenfurt and learn as much of the human world and its arts as he could!

But, while his voice remains a bit more powerful and influential than most humans that were born on land, that influence comes with a "curse"...

Most people that instinctively fall under the charm of his melodies (note: Jaskier can use his voice to make an audience more susceptible to anger and annoyance when he sings, too. An especially useful skill to have when you're relying on food being thrown at you to eat... Hence why Geralt's lack of emotional response to his singing when they met was so intriguing!) will typically only care about how they make them feel, rather than how Jaskier himself was feeling when he wrote his songs.

Geralt, Yennefer and Ciri are all immune to his siren charms - and dwarves appear to be more resistant as well - but, while his songs inspire people, and hearing him sing them "live" with his actual voice tends to make people become instantly infatuated with him (or immediately hate him, should Jaskier wish to repel rather than attract them)...

... they rarely ever see him or seemingly attempt to connect with him on an intimate, emotional level, like they would with another human being.

And so, every time Jaskier is reminded of how much influence he appears to have over how people see the world when he uses his voice, Jaskier's tendency to remind them that he's "just a bard" is because he wishes people would connect with his humanity, too, rather than what he can do.

Regardless of him being able to pass as someone that was born on land and started his life in a fully human body, he knows that his voice will always carry some remnant of his siren abilities.

And that this difference appears to be preventing him from emotionally and physically connecting with other human beings that weren't born at sea like him, the way he wishes he could.

And so, that's why he was initially hesitant to sing for Radovid, and he kept insisting that he wasn't in a "singing mood" that day.

Because he knew that, the moment Radovid heard his singing voice, he might stop listening to him and trying to connect.

But there was something in the way Radovid insisted - while asking for Jaskier to pick his favorite song and showing a sincere curiosity about listening to what pleased him most - that made Jaskier ultimately choose to risk it.

And, while Radovid was obviously affected by the sound of his voice (to the point where he felt the need to pretend his speechlessness was caused by drunkenness), it was also very clear that he'd been listening.

Not only was his gaze very sharp and his eyes clear and bright while Jaskier was singing - seemingly attempting to analyse every note and word - but, for once, the things Radovid was complimenting him about weren't related to his ability to make people feel and experience things...

For once, what Radovid was claiming made Jaskier so special wasn't the beauty or power of his voice, or how catchy the melodies of the songs he'd sang to him were.

It wasn't even about how Jaskier's lyrics had made him feel.

He'd told Jaskier that what made him so special was his ability to see people for who they really are rather than who they pretend to be.

He'd essentially told him that his ability to truly comprehend those around him was his gift - that he had a unique ability to connect with them at the core... the very thing Jaskier had always felt that he was lacking.

And when Jaskier pushed him for more, all Radovid told him was that he didn't know yet, but was determined to figure it out.

"You connect strongly with others and my desire is to understand and connect with you."

That is what Radovid had taken away from who he was, even after having heard him sing, and Jaskier couldn't help but feel like he'd found a kindred spirit in that human.

Someone stuck in a world and a birth family that simply couldn't understand and accept him as he was - constantly hiding parts of himself to survive.

Radovid had then agreed to help him with the whole situation with Rience - despite the fact that Jaskier hadn't used any song to attempt to suggest he should, just genuinely asked for his help.

And - if that hadn't been enough - that prince had gone one step even further by asking him if Geralt knew how lucky he was to have him, after Jaskier had been singing about his self-worth issues when it came to relationships and his fear of never being good enough - or human enough - for a fellow human (or mutated human) partner.

He'd been listening to him.

He might have been born on land, and he might not have been immune to Jaskier's siren abilities, but Radovid still hadn't lost sight of who he was, nor been tempted to start obsessing about owning him or treating him like a prized possession.

And so, Jaskier tentatively begins to allow himself to hope...

Until Radovid does something truly unexpected that none of his prior human, elven or dwarven suitors or lovers had ever done before...

Learn his song.

Sirens are typically immune to the power that another siren's voices carry... until they fall in love.

One of the ways to know if a fellow merperson is alterously or romantically drawn to you is to sing back one of their own melodies to them, and see how they will respond.

Should they feel that instinctive, near irresistible pull towards the melody, and vice versa, then the two sirens will often start trying to discover and explore different ways they can learn to harmonize and use their voices to complement each other's, and create new shared melodies that will resound through the sea.

And, for the very first time in his life, Jaskier finally understands how people feel when they listen to him sing.

Despite the fact that the "siren's melody" being sung back to him is a human song he wrote, with human lyrics, accompanied by human instruments...

Despite the fact that Radovid himself is most definitely not a siren but very much human - fumbling a bit with Jaskier's lute, visibly nervous, too shy to allow his voice to rise above a whisper...

To Jaskier, it's the most beautifully mesmerizing "siren's melody" he's ever heard in his existence! It's filled with warmth, love, understanding, a promise of unconditional acceptance and safety...

It's absolutely intoxicating, he can barely breathe, feels like he's on the very edge of losing his sanity, and it takes all the power he has to avoid launching himself right at him!

And if a human can make him feel this way singing back to him a song filled with poetry and lyrics - rather than a classic, traditional siren's melody - then maybe there's never been anything wrong with Jaskier or the way he's always preferred to sing!

His people made him feel unwanted, but the sea never did! It probably would have been welcoming to a lute-playing merman singing like a bard, if his people hadn't been such close-minded arses!

Jaskier feels at home on land and has never once regretted his choice, but maybe he still has a right to also be a child of the sea, regardless of him having ultimately chosen a pair of legs over his fins!

And maybe Radovid would love to see parts of his old home some day - even if they can only access the surface of it, rather than go explore everything hidden in the water's depths (unless Yennefer has a spell that would allow Radovid to breathe under water as he does. Because Jaskier would never trust a sea witch with Radovid's life!).

And if Jaskier himself can be mesmerized by Radovid's song and feel like he would let that man lead him anywhere and do whatever he wants with him, without any desire to own and control him; maybe he'd simply been trying to connect with the wrong people.

Radovid is the first person he's ever met that seems to be able to connect with both the human and the siren part of him. And when Jaskier offers to help him work on his lute playing and singing, what he's truly saying is that he wants them to learn to harmonize their voices together and create their own melodies...

It's an intimate need Jaskier still has, and he's finally found himself a mate that appears to fully get him, and be able to fulfil those needs.

Of course, then the whole mess with Cirilla happens, and for a moment there Jaskier loses faith that any of it was ever real!

Who was he kidding!? The Redanian Intelligence kept insisting that they knew everything about everyone! Maybe they'd figured out Jaskier used to be a merman, done their research, noticed that Jaskier "fancied" the prince, and instructed him to surprise him and trick him into lowering his defenses, by courting him the way a fellow merman would!

He really should have known!

But then, when he finds Radovid alone, lost, and hiding, he realizes that Radovid had never meant to trick or hurt him.

Radovid had just been genuinely afraid, and trying to deal with the threat of a looming war as best he could by seeking Ciri's help.

And now, the war he'd attempted preventing from happening had begun, he'd clearly internalized Jaskier's earlier blame, and that spoon of a man was sufficiently bonded to him by now that he might just allow himself to be captured and killed if he doesn't do something about it!

And then, Jaskier himself might end up symbolically 'washing ashore' somewhere and letting himself die of heartbreak, for fuck's sake!

Because merpeople are dramatic as fuck and they feel the loss of friends and family in a way that's devastatingly sharp. Being rejected by a queerplatonic or romantic partner - or having them die on them - is the worst type of injury one could inflict upon them!

When he'd sung about having also survived, no thanks to Geralt, he'd fully meant it! That loss had nearly killed him!

If he wants to survive this, he needs to figure out a way to keep Radovid safe, and then make sure that Geralt and the rest of his family are safe also, because he doesn't know how he'd manage to continue to live in this world if the war ends up taking everything from him in a way where all hope would be lost of ever getting any of them back!

[writer-by-the-sea]

julien your so sexy i love the idea of you being so much older than me...

Uhhhh...

I'm flattered..

Anon, I don't know how old you are; but please, for the love of god, be careful.

If you ever meet a man who is significantly older than you, and he actually shows interest in you?

RUN.

I'm sorry, but, to a whole ass adult like me; there is NOTHING attractive about young people. As you age, your taste age with you. It's not, "I keep getting older and they stay the same age." No. Just no.

If an older man is ever in your inbox, calling you young and beautiful or handsome-- they are grooming you. RUN.

Again, I'm flattered. Enjoy your little online crush.

Just don't interact romantically with anyone "so much older" than you.

[house-of-mirrors]

It's just so strange that the church is used as a ubiquitous set dressing in FLondon but the writing rarely seems interested in exploring it in any genuine way

People who are tired of being forced to interact with the church 🤝 people who want more depth from the faction

Places it comes up in narrative almost always have some sort of satire, or tongue in cheek vibe, or it goes into hyperbole, caricature, or gets distracted by exploring the Neath lore, or straight up poking fun at traditions, or making a story that's proselytizing without a hint of awareness of the many associated social issues of the era and today

If you're mainly using it to make an edgy "haha I was Raised Christian™️ let's be sarcastic about it" mood then consider not doing that. "It was important to Victorian England so it's always in the background" is also not enough to go on, that's like the bare minimum info and reasoning

The game assumes the player is culturally Anglican but at the same time doesn't practice the faith (thinking of the attend church scandal reduction text and the deeply, deeply uncomfortable Hallowmas scandal location) it's just so weird

You gotta pick one or the other. Like if even you don't care about sincerely depicting Christian characters or lore and treating faith as a joke... don't include it so much, but if you insist on having it everywhere then try a little better I guess? 🤷 The church is omnipresent but you can't meaningfully interact with it if you want to!

Edit to add: I forgot about God's editors good grief there's literally a whole part of the game about censorship and heresy 👁️👄👁️

I am... not convinced they can consistently write about the Church of England, let alone other denominations (don't get me started on how the game handles Catholicism 💀), LET ALONE other faiths

They didn't try too hard with January and she's been called the best Jewish rep in the game even including motr, and she's one of my favorite complex characters in general so. Do more of that maybe please

Well. Thanks for the "attend services with people of your faith" option in the Tracklayers City I guess

[lemon-natalia]

Nona the Ninth Reaction - Review

firstly, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in and encouraged me in doing these liveblogs! this has been such a fun project to work on, and reading these books for the past nine months or so has been a bright spot in what has otherwise been a relatively tough period of my life. i’ve really enjoyed getting to theorise about all of the lore of these books and make horribly ill-advised emotional attachments to inevitably doomed characters

more fun statistics that no one asked for: this liveblog was the longest, at about 20,000 (!!) words. my GtN liveblog was 12000 words for comparison. i have no excuse other than i like to talk

NtN definitely was an interesting diversion from the other two books so far. it wasn’t exactly a breather, since it was still incredibly heartbreaking and horrifying, but it was fun to see a part of the worldbuilding very different from what we’ve seen before. as much as I missed both Harrow and Gideon, i liked that it gave other characters time to shine outside of interacting with them. it was fun to see more of Palamedes, Camilla, and Pyrrha, and how those characters act in a vastly different environment to the Nine Houses

although NtN was essentially telling two different narratives, John chapters vs Nona’s, it still didn’t feel particularly disjointed - i think it was thematically held together by being a bit more grounded than the other books so far, sci-fi and fantasy elements notwithstanding (contemporary issues like climate change and nuclear war, & John’s world being a setting far closer to our own vs Nona’s domestic life & very real problems of living in a warzone)

i also loved getting John’s perspective in the chapters narrated by Harrow, his point of view and recollections were equal parts funny, terrifying, and fascinating. he’s certainly got a … unique perspective on the world. it was just a slow horrifying journey trying to figure out how the world ended, knowing that it was doomed but not exactly how it happened

Muir really has a talent for endearing you to a protagonist, and Nona was no exception, I absolutely loved her, and just, her whole story and how tragic it was physically hurt me. i also wasn’t expecting to get as attached as i was to Hot Sauce and the school gang - i hope we get just even just a mention of what happens to them in AtN

tldr: 11/10. reading this series is like the emotional equivalent of voluntarily getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly. i have absolutely no clue what I’m going to do with my life now that this is over for the meantime, other than go crazy in a locked room with a red string conspiracy board trying to figure out whats going to happen in Alecto the Ninth

speaking of, obviously its not a pressing issue since to my knowledge there isn’t even a release date yet, but i’m not sure if i’ll do a liveblog for Alecto when it comes out? on one hand the most fun bit about liveblogging has been the reaction from everyone who’s already read the books and we’ll all be in the same boat of not knowing what’s going on when Alecto comes out, so i don’t know how much of a point there is? on the other i would very much enjoy doing it anyway, and i’m a perfectionist so it would be nice to have completed all of the books like that. so i guess it depends on how impatient i am to read the whole book when it comes out lol

[mbat]

i literally read the book of bill days ago but its only now kinda hitting me how fucked ford and bills whole thing was though cause ford literally talks about being so unable to sleep (to try to keep bill away), and when sleep inevitably caught up to him, he would wake up to his body abused and things messed with and he just couldnt seem to find an escape (and he literally didnt get to truly escape until 30 years later)

(also keeping people awake for unhealthily long periods of time is another tactic used to mess with and control people because of how it impairs brain function)

listing off the things we see in those few pages in the book of bill:

i mean, punching and scratching at a steel door for hours would be so damaging to your hands and probably hurt like hell for at least 2 days after. then bill says he was hitting fords head against a wall, though its said in a post-it as if its a joke, but he also isnt exactly above doing that, and honestly he says most things like its a joke.

i also dont need to say 'bill really doesnt know how to take no for an answer' because he makes that very clear in literally any interaction we see with him.

bill literally puts a venomous snake near ford while fords asleep, which could have killed him if he wasnt lucky+skilled enough to deal with it.

he nearly gives ford hypothermia, and in the same action actively threatens ford with the idea of making him jump off of a high spot, and like ford says, doesnt do it just so he can send a message to ford about how hes the one in control.

he gets ford in trouble with not only the law, but also with other people that are probably not very happy with him after. he mutilates fords body in several ways, and i dont think i need to go into detail on them because theyre... so ew. and he even exposes part of fords body to the world. like, its just taking his shirt off, but thats still showing off his body in a way that he didnt agree to or want

and then he attempts to (or purposefully fails to) call stan, using fords voice to threaten suicide and tell stan that ford never loved him.

and he punctuates it with a final power move, in a hallucination that he creates, hes messing with stans memories and making him feel like his body was basically about to implode

and like. okay, we all joke about toxic old man yaoi, and its a good joke and toxic old man yaoi is great and its an interesting ship, but holy fuck.

like. to say the absolute least, that had to be so, so deeply violating. its no wonder that when we see ford in the past, when he finally contacts stan, he looks like hes on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. he just went through, and still wasnt yet out of, some deeply abusive shit.

like... everything coming out lately both in this book and what ive heard is on the website, mixed with what we already knew from the show itself... the stans are both so, so fucking tragic dude. their whole lives were thrown away over things that really didnt even need to be the way they were, and then they both get into situations that are pretty damn screwed, and those situations follow them for the rest of their lives. its basically a miracle that things worked out in the end for them.

i dont really have a point, i just had to talk about all that. i read almost all of the book of bill in one sitting, and while i was really enjoying it, i was also getting kind of tired of sitting in one spot only doing this one thing for several hours straight. i still felt a lot of the emotional bits of it of course, but man this part specifically just really didnt hit me until now.

i mean, to say the absolute least, i know what its like to feel violated in a similar way, though not anywhere near to the extent of what he went through at all. someone get that man some therapy got damn

[blighted-lights]

there is another megatron and ravage post in my drafts rn around how i think megatron doesn't actually respond much at all to what ravage says during the slaughterhouse arc but agh. it's so hard to word. something something i feel like he's deflecting/trying to redirect the conversation three times; when he says that the decepticons weren't loyal to him, when he asks about seawing, and when he tells ravage that he's "weak and old."

now if only i could word it how i want,,,

[triona-tribblescore]

Just wanted to say the recent comic with angel dust & Vox was incredibly well written. it felt like something their characters would ACTUALLY say, super good job

THANK YOU!! :'D AWH!!!!

heres an alternate ending where it is TOTALLY accurate to there character ;>

[mossiestpiglet]

I love Haruhi and Kyoya’s relationship because they most mutually see it as a working one out of the whole club, but they are definitely not coworkers. Haruhi sees Kyoya as her evil manager and Kyoya sees Haruhi as his most reliable employee that he has to emotionally manipulate and grind down so that she never leaves otherwise he’s fucked.

[vaguely-concerned]

every time gricko semi-mockingly imitates kremy by going 'and then kremy'll be like 'waddadoo waddadoo fellas etc.', years get added to my lifespan and my skin clears