#the white boy jesse saga

[mcsm-confessions]

saying "white boy jesse" 3 times like beetlejuice

~~~

Behold, me.

[feministjesse]

wdyt of the anon on the mcsm confessions account that goes wild over "white boy jesse?" they have their own tag and everything, "the white boy jesse saga"

Uh... what?

[idkaguyorsomething]

On their quest to find Falin, ¿should the party bring along a talented culinary ally? ¿A hungry, underappreciated loner? ¿Some asshole who could very easily get distracted and fuck it all up? ¡¡¡You decide!!!

(Please reblog and explain in the tags)

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🌈 Queer Books Coming Out in February 2024

🌈 Good afternoon, my bookish bats! Struggling to keep up with all the amazing queer books coming out this month? Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR before the year is over. Remember to #readqueerallyear! Happy reading!

❤️ We Ate the Dark by Mallory Pearson 🧡 The Paper Boys by D.P. Clarence 💛 Skater Boy by Anthony Nerada 💚 Your Shadow Half Remains by Sunny Moraine 💙 A Vicious Game by Melissa Blair 💜 Clarion Call by Cayla Fay ❤️ Relit: 16 Latinx Remixes of Classic Stories edited by Sandra Proudman 🧡 The Absinthe Underground by Jamie Pacton 💛 Truthfully, Yours by Caden Armstrong 💙 Outsider by Jade du Preez 💜 Cross My Candy Heart by A.C. Thomas 🌈 The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett

❤️ An Education in Malice by S. T. Gibson 🧡 The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles by Malka Ann Older 💛 Never a Bridesmaid by Spencer Greene 💚 The Rewind by Nicole Stiling 💙 Good Christian Girls by Elizabeth Bradshaw 💜 The Fox Maidens by Robin Ha ❤️ The Terrible by Tessa Crowley 🧡 Blood Rage by Ileandra Young 💛 Call of the Sea by Emily B. Rose 💙 Sign Me Up by C.H. Williams 💜 Ways and Means by Daniel Lefferts 🌈 Peaceful in the Dark by A.A. Fairview

❤️ We Are Only Ghosts by Jeffrey L. Richards 🧡 Dead Ringer by Robyn Nyx 💛 Somacultural Liberation by Dr. Roger Kuhn 💚 Stormbringer by Erinn Harper 💙 A Saga of Shields & Shadows by A.J. Shirley 💜 Ghost Town by R.E. Ward ❤️ I Heard Her Call My Name by Lucy Sante 🧡 The Night Alphabet by Joelle Taylor 💛 Remedial Magic by Melissa Marr 💙 Bloom by N.R. Walker 💜 Entwined by Alex Alberto 🌈 Queer Newark edited by Whitney Strub

❤️ Tristan by Jesse Roman 🧡 How to Live Free in a Dangerous World by Shayla Lawson 💛 Daniel, Deconstructed by James Ramos 💚 Of Socialites & Prizefights by Arden Powell 💙 Lost Harbor by Kimberly Cooper Griffin 💜 Hannah Tate, Beyond Repair by Laura Piper Lee ❤️ Bunt! Striking Out on Financial Aid by Ngozi Ukazu & Mad Rupert 🧡 How You Get the Girl by Anita Kelly 💛 Blackmailer’s Delight by David Lawrence 💙 Tile M for Murder by Felicia Carparelli 💜 Impulse Buy by Jae 🌈 Live for You, Die With You by Kalob Dàniel

❤️ Fairest of All by A.D. Ellis 🧡 Goddess of the Sea by Britney Jackson 💛 A Taste of Earth by Nico Silver 💚 The Moorings of Mackerel Sky by M.Z. Emily Zack 💙 How the Boogeyman Became a Poet by Tony Keith 💜 V is for Valentine by Thomas Grant Bruso ❤️ Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane & Morgan James 🧡 When Tomorrow Comes by D. Jackson Leigh 💛 Bugsy & Other Stories by Rafael Frumkin 💙 The White and Blue Between Us by Kiyuhiko 💜 Guide Us Home by CF Frizzell & Jesse J. Thoma 🌈 The Friendship Study by Ruby Barrett

❤️ Infinity Alchemist by Kacen Callender 🧡 Heart2Heart edited by Annabeth Albert 💛 No Time Like Now by Naz Kutub 💚 Bless the Blood by Walela Nehanda 💙 Vengeance Planning for Amateurs by Lee Winter 💜 Who We Are in Real Life by Victoria Koops ❤️ Prove It by Stephanie Hoyt 🧡 Mewing by Chloe Spencer 💛 Awakenings by Claudie Arseneault 💙 Born of Scourge by S. Jean 💜 Disciples of Chaos by M.K. Lobb 🌈 To Cage a God by Elizabeth May

❤️ Greta & Valdin by Rebecca K Reilly 🧡 What Feasts At Night by T. Kingfisher 💛 You Had Me at Merlot by Melissa Brayden 💚 Turning Point by Cathy Dunnell 💙 For the Stolen Fates by Gwendolyn Clare 💜 Season of Eclipse by Terry Wolverton ❤️ These Haunted Hills by Jana Denardo 🧡 Samson & Domingo by Gume Laurel III 💛 Lies that Bind by Rae Knowles & April Yates 💙 We Got the Beat by Jenna Miller 💜 The Diablo's Curse by Gabe Cole Novoa 🌈 Blessings by Chukwuebuka Ibeh

❤️ Out There by Iris Eliot 🧡 At Her Service by Amy Spalding 💛 Green Dot by Madeleine Gray

[jessaerys]

Hey what the actual fuck did your reblog of my brba shitpost mean. Seriously. None of those words are real you just made that up

the intertextuality (the parallels and/or linkage between two texts that exist in relation to and/or shape one another)

between this post ("a bunch of bald guys [which within the world of breaking bad are all masculine patriarchs entangled in a power struggle] having custody battles [positioning jesse not as an equal but as an object to be possessed and fought over, like a child and/or a lover, a status that is backed up by the breaking bad canon wherein he quickly becomes walter's surrogate son and wife] over a swagged up white boy" [the character of jesse pinkman, described here as a boy, in opposition to the aforementioned bald guys, ie. the dominant men in his life, the active subjects, the pursuers, the penetrators, hence putting jesse into the passive role of the beloved, the object of desire, the penetree so to speak])

and contrapoint's twilight video essay (found here)

which is actually (ie. purports to be about the twilight franchise, but is in reality a much broader examination of the contents of sexual fantasies and the world within which they are concoctioned, presented in a somewhat facetious manner within the pretense framework of the twilight saga) about the integral blocks of eroticism (including but not limited to: to be possessed, to be ravished, to exchange power, to be dominated or to dominate, etc etc and so on, all of which as mentioned exist within a patriarchal society that eroticizes domination and passivity. the video goes on to further analyze why and what it all means. viewing is requited for further context)

therefore implying that the way your post (ie. the subject of this ask message) succinctly sums up breaking bad in a tongue-in-cheek manner that challenges assumptions that breaking bad is a complex story about choice, power, the violence of the failed patriarch both within the nuclear family and a broader capitalist society, etc. etc. and so on and so forth, but is, actually, about several powerful, dominant, masculine men trying to gain sole control of jesse, ie. the passive object, the beloved, the pursued, the prey, the passive partner, is in direct conversation with the analysis of the foundational blocks of eroticism presented by miss natalie contrapoints

they all want to fuck jesse is what i'm saying

[flurry-bace]

Blog information!

don't forget your daily clicks!

boy who kisses boys (among others)

my name's Pluto, but you can also call me Lemonhead, Venom, or Citrus! mutuals can call me Demon or Monster too!

my sideblogs are @incorrectquoteslobby, @twins-of-disaster, and @creektail

if i suddenly stop replying while we're dm-ing/having a conversation, it's not out of malice or boredom! i go online and offline very sporadically! <3

my Spotify , my Pinterest , my Pronouns Page , my AO3

Main fandoms:

-> Lego Monkie Kid

-> Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

-> Warrior Cats

-> Sonic the Hedgehog

-> Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

-> Grishaverse

-> Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

-> Five Nights at Freddy's

-> Stardew Valley

-> The Amazing Digital Circus

-> Life is Strange

-> Vinland Saga

-> Deadendia / Dead End: Paranormal Park

-> The Stanley Parable

-> Lookouts

Post tags:

#oof brainrot = fandom-related original posts

#pluto is my planet = any original posts

#pluto's pencil = my art

#orbiting ask = my asks

#pluto calls back = my answers

#pluto plus = reblogs / additions

#polls from space = my polls

#pluto touches grass not clickbait = pictures of the outdoors

Reblog tags:

#moot's art , #moot's writing , #mecore , #fave , #save , #tip save , #image save , #video save , #audio save , #reference save , #recipe save , #reaction save , #raccoonposting

Character / ship tags:

#macaque my boy , #lmk shadowpeach , #lmk spicynoodles , #lmk freenoodles

#future leo my love , #donichi , #shellshocked , #rottmnt donnie , #rottmnt raph , #rottmnt leo , #rottmnt mikey , #rottmnt april , #rottmnt frida #rottmnt brains and brawn , #rottmnt disaster twins , #rottmnt smarts and crafts , #rottmnt buff and bluff , #rottmnt sunset duo , #rottmnt tidepod duo , #turtle tots

#2012 raph , #2012 leo , #2012 donnie , #2012 mikey

#hawkash

#sonadow , #surgazamy , #shadow the hedgehog

#jesse pinkman , #skyler white , #flynn white , #walter white , #gus fring , #lalo salamanca , #mike erhmantraut

#alex mullner <3

#deadpool

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

FLOWER MOON SHADOW

Opening this weekend:

Killers of the Flower Moon--In the 1870s the Osage Nation settled on a large reservation in northeastern Oklahoma consisting of land thought to be of little value. But in the late 1890s, it was discovered to be sitting on an ocean of oil. Because the Osage had retained mineral rights to the land, by the early '20s they found themselves to be the wealthiest people, per capita, on the planet.

It need hardly be said that opportunistic white folks moved in fast to snatch this bounty through a variety of schemes, perhaps the vilest being the practice of marrying into an Osage family and then murdering the spouses and other heirs. Because the case was eventually broken by the nascent FBI, the story was briefly dramatized as one episode in The FBI Story, Mervyn LeRoy's 1959 chronicle (and whitewash) of the Bureau, starring James Stewart.

Martin Scorsese's account is not so brief. Scripted by Eric Roth and Scorsese from David Grann's 2017 book, the director's three-hour-plus Killers of the Flower Moon is an epic nightmare, solemn and heartbroken yet charged up with a fierce and sweeping vitality. The style feels different from his previous work, yet somehow it's still unmistakably a Scorsese picture.

The focus here is on Ernest Burkhart (Leonardo DiCaprio), a WWI vet who arrives in Osage country to work for his uncle, the cattle rancher William King Hale (Robert DeNiro). Ernest soon marries an Osage woman named Mollie Kyle (Lily Gladstone) and starts a family with her. A dull, malleable sort, Ernest seems to genuinely love Mollie, yet all the while they're married he's secretly serving as a thuggish henchman for the sanctimonious Bill Hale, who condescendingly professes love for the Osage while conspiring in the deaths of Mollie's mother and sisters and others in the community. Eventually and inevitably, Mollie also becomes a target of Bill's plans.

Killers is shot in chilly shades of gray and sepia by Rodrigo Prieto, edited by Scorsese's longtime collaborator Thelma Schoonmaker and moved along by a brilliant, pulsing score by Robbie Robertson, to whose memory the film is dedicated. Yet despite the presence of these cronies, this isn't business as usual. Scorsese doesn't give us the kinetic flashiness of his gangster sagas here. There's no darting, antic camerawork, no wall-to-wall narration.

But this isn't a staid historical drama either; the tone is feverishly immediate and chaotic, almost hallucinatory at times, and there's a tinge, especially in the scenes between DiCaprio and DeNiro, of deeply grim comedy. Scorsese's comic edge doesn't distance us from the horror, either, as perhaps it could be accused of doing in Goodfellas or Casino. The murders and other violence are presented with an angry bluntness, as nothing but sordid, wasteful and evil.

Essentially, what Scorsese gives us here is a vision of life in hell, not just a hell of butchery and menace, though this is amply depicted, but of the fractured spirit and toxic guilt generated by racial terrorism and piracy. The agony of this life is reflected in the superb performances of DiCaprio and the serene, gravely beautiful Lily Gladstone. DeNiro is at the top of his form as the genially satanic Bill Hale, and the enormous cast includes fine turns by Tantoo Cardinal, William Belleau, Cara Jade Myers, Brendan Fraser, Scott Shepherd, Sturgill Simpson, Katherine Willis and Barry Corbin, among many others. John Lithgow appears as a prosecutor; he's always welcome but gets less of a chance than usual to flex here.

There's also a strong supporting performance by Jesse Plemons as Tom White, the Texas Ranger turned G-Man who led the BOI (later FBI) investigation. The case was an early success for the Bureau, depicted here as a largely unknown agency at the time (Grann's book is subtitled The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI), and Plemons, speaking softly and politely but firmly from under his Stetson, lightens this bleak and grueling movie's mood just enough to get us through; we at last feel a dawning of hope for justice and salvation. He shows up just in time.

One more note: I was expecting, and hoping for, the usual afterword before the end credits, explaining what ultimately became of these people. Kudos to Scorsese for coming up with a more creative and witty way to present this information. It's an ingenious coda to this great and terrible American tale.

[n-revolution]

According to The Guardian these are the 10 Best TV SHOWS OF ALL TIME

10. Atlanta (2016-)

Donald Glover’s foray into dramedy fizzes with pop-culture callbacks, political subtext and dark lols, following underachieving Earn, wannabe rapper cousin Paper Boi and their black millennial peers. Its best episodes are the ones where racial conflict meets all-out weirdness, among them Helen – in which Earn feels thoroughly adrift at a Germanic festival – and Teddy Perkins, the Shining-inspired, Get Out-style tale of Darius’s (Lakeith Stanfield) trip to pick up a piano from a mysterious hermit. 

9. Peep Show (2003-15)

The king of 00s sitcoms: formally innovative, with its point-of-view filming and audible inner monologues, and unflinching in how it used that format to be disgustingly honest about diseased male minds. A textbook contrasting duo in careless Jez and cowardly Mark gave writers Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain the platform for greatness, and the quality barely dipped across nine seasons. Peep Show was always, hilariously, an inch over the boundary of good taste.

8. Fleabag (2016-19)

When Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag arrived on stage in London some six years ago, critics had their doubts (one even commented “I doubt if this material will spin off into a long-running radio or television series”). How wrong they were: as well as returning to the stage for a sold-out run this year, Fleabag’s two-series TV run saw Waller-Bridge infuse the nascent sadcom genre with classic British awkwardness, encompassing grief, family breakdown and, of course, Obama-themed masturbation.

7. Game of Thrones (2011-19)

Despite the widespread calls by superfans to rewrite the entire last series, from Daenerys’ descent into madness to Starbucksgate, Game of Thrones remains the biggest show of the century so far. Even Ed Sheeran sitting by a fire singing a ditty about hands of gold can’t irreparably dent its reputation. And it did come up with the goods throughout its eight-year reign: from the thrills and blood spills to the men baked in pies and the best battles ever seen on the small screen, right through to Cleganebowl. Only The Winds of Winter book will spare us all from Westeros withdrawal.

6. The Office (UK) (2001-03)

It didn’t invent the mockumentary, but Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s debut was so stylistically confident it defined swathes of the comedy that followed its 2001 premiere: two decades on, people are still making pale imitations. Its creators haven’t topped it either but with time, their casting decisions look as extraordinary as their scripts. It’s hard to fathom now that Martin Freeman, Mackenzie Crook and Gervais himself were all then relative unknowns.

5. Breaking Bad (2008-13)

The show that arguably killed off the antihero drama: nothing since has been able to top the depraved descent made by Walter White (a never-better Bryan Cranston), from milquetoast chemistry teacher to meth overlord, and few have dared to try. Yet as grimly engrossing as White’s transformation was, what kept us returning to Vince Gilligan’s low-key epic was Aaron Paul’s performance as his reluctant partner in crime, Jesse Pinkman, whose frayed humanity shone through the moral murk like a beacon.

4. The Thick of It (2005-12)

The craven, idiotic likes of Peter Mannion and Nicola Murray would be paragons of probity and wisdom in today’s parliamentary landscape. But at the time, Armando Iannucci’s scabrous comedy felt like an indictment of everything wrong with the spin and cynicism of British politics. Luckily, it was also hilarious, mainly thanks to the inventive invective of Peter Capaldi’s ferocious “Iago with a BlackBerry” Malcolm Tucker.

3. Mad Men (2007-15)

The sex! The swagger! The suits! Matthew Weiner’s Madison Avenue masterwork went down with all the smooth, smoky allure of one of Don Draper’s copious Old-Fashioneds. But by spanning the entire 60s, showing the mammoth social shifts in an ad agency in minute detail – from the advent of the Pill and second-wave feminism to the rise of hippies and the dropping of LSD – it became more than just the tale of one mystery man and compulsive philanderer come good: it was a meditation on how modern America came to be made, one iconic advert at a time.

2. The Wire (2002-08)

Along with The Sopranos, David Simon and Ed Burns’s Baltimore crime saga showed that small-screen entertainment could be anything it aspired to be: polemical, panoramic, funny, tragic or all of those things at once. Beautifully written and performed, this was both TV as high art and TV wrenched from the soul. To this day, it’s an exemplar of a certain brand of intelligent, ambitious and uncompromising television.

1. The Sopranos (1999-2007)

It is hard to fathom now, but when Tony Soprano first slumped into an armchair in his psychiatrist Dr Melfi’s office, TV was still largely looked down upon. The slogan for the Sopranos’ broadcaster – ‘It’s not TV, it’s HBO’ – felt telling in its dismissiveness, as if making a television programme was something to be ashamed about. The Sopranos changed all that.

Text Source: The Guardian

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[imaginationisallihave]

Characters/people I want to write for - Updated

Okay, I have a list of characters and people I want to write fanfiction for so I'll just put them in categories of what fandoms they are from.

~Marvel~

Bucky Barnes (The White Wolf)

Frank Castle (The Punisher)

Eddie Brock

Venom

Steven Grant

Marc Spector

Khonshu

~X-Men~

Erik Lehnsherr (Magneto)

Charles Xavier (Professor X)

Logan (Wolverine)

~Harry Potter/FBAWTFT~

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Original! Percival Graves

Credence Barebone

~Shadow and Bone~

Kaz Brekker

Inej Ghafa

The Darkling

~Death Note~

Ryuk

L/Ryuzaki

Light Yagami

~The Boys~

Billy Butcher

Black Noir

Soldier Boy

~The Hobbit~

Thranduil

Thorin Oakenshield

~Call of Duty~

Captain John Price

Simon "Ghost" Riley

John “Soap” Mactavish

Farah Karim

Alex

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Alejandro Vargas

~Interview With A Vampire~

Louis de Pointe du Lac (movie/tv show)

Lestat de Lioncourt (movie/tv show)

Armand (movie)

~Last Of Us~

Joel Miller

Tommy Miller

Owen Moore

Jesse

~YouTubers~

Inotorious (Matt) - The Misfits

ElasticDroid (Jaime)

Grizzy (Nelson)

BigPuffer (Chris)

Pezzy (Maxwell/Max)

Isaacwhy (Isaac)

~Miscellaneous~

Diego Hargreeves - The Umbrella Academy

Rafal Mistral - A school for good and evil (movie)

Shane Walsh - The Walking Dead

Elijah Mikaelson - The Originals

Tommy Shelby - Peaky Blinders

Saul Silva - Fate: The Winx Saga

Raymond Leon - In Time

I'm not sure what to write but I know that I'll write some oneshots or something.

[lgbtqreads]

Do you have any mlm fiction (esp fantasy) that's WRITTEN by men (obv this includes trans men)? I've read TJ Klune and like maybe a quarter of his stuff. The problem I'm having is that so much mlm fiction is intensely sexual, and I'd prefer something that has less actual sex and just whirlwind romance and copious affection, though I can deal with a sex scene or two if they're tasteful.

I love Alex London’s Skybound Saga, and of course in YA there’s also Adam Silvera’s Infinity Son, The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopulos, Ben Alderson’s  The Dragori series, Dagger by Steven dos Santos, White Trash Warlock by David R. Slayton, and while I’d call it more paranormal, Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas, among others. (Including The Witch King by H.E. Edgmon, which comes out June 1st.)

But I’m guessing from your question you’re looking more for Adult, so while TJ Klune is definitely the most prolific (and definitely recommended), check out The Root by Na’amen Gobert Tilahun, The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps by Kai Ashante Wilson, The God Eaters by Jesse Hajicek, and Prosperity by Alexis Hall (Steampunk) for a few more. If you’re interested in horror, keep an eye on Summer Sons by Lee Mandelo, out in September, which is fantastical and Gothic.

[imagine-that]

Imagine-That’s Masterlist

Rules for requests

Imagines

————————————————————————

Series Masterlists

The Will and The Way (MCU)

TVD universe

Stefan Salvatore x reader

Stefan & Damon Salvatore x reader

Kai Parker x reader

Elijah Mikaelson x reader (part 1) (part 2)

Elijah Mikaelson x reader

Elijah Mikaelson x reader

Klaus Mikaelson x reader

Klaus Mikaelson x reader

Josie Saltzman x witch!reader

Lizzie Saltzman x vampire!reader

Marvel

Bucky Barnes x reader

Bucky Barnes x reader

Peter Parker x Rogers!reader

Peter Parker x reader

Loki Laufeyson x reader

Loki Laufeyson x reader

Loki Laufeyson x reader

Loki Laufeyson x reader (part 1/ White Horse) // (part 2/ Good for You) // (part 3/ Tis the Damn Season)

Loki Laufeyson x female!mother!reader

Pietro Maximoff x reader

Wandavision x reader/ Pietro x reader

Disney

Ariel (the little mermaid) x reader

Prince Kit x reader

Harry Potter universe

Draco Malfoy x reader

Draco Malfoy x reader

Draco Malfoy x reader

Oliver Wood x reader

Fred Weasley x Gryffindor!reader

Fred Weasley x reader

(Young) Sirius Black x reader

(Young) James Potter x reader

(Young) Regulus Black x reader

Assortment of tv shows and movies

Shawn Hunter x reader (Boy Meets World)

Shawn Hunter x reader (Boy Meets World)

Anthony Bridgerton x female!reader (Bridgerton)

Spike x reader (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Matthew Crawley x sibling!reader (Downton Abbey)

Matthew Crawley x reader (Downton Abbey)

Tom Branson x sibling!reader (Downton Abbey)

Tom Branson x reader (Downton Abbey)

Fallon Carrington x sibling!reader (Dynasty)

Riven x reader (Fate the Winx saga)

Jess Mariano x reader (Gilmore Girls)

Jess Mariano x reader (Gilmore Girls)

Nate Archibald x reader (Gossip Girl)

Nate Archibald x reader (Gossip Girl)

Carter Baizen x Bass!reader (Gossip Girl)

Alex Karev x reader (Grey’s Anatomy)

Andrew Deluca x pregnant!reader (Grey’s Anatomy)

Arizona Robbins x reader (Grey’s Anatomy)

Finnick Odair x reader (The Hunger Games)

Rafael Barba x reader (Law and Order: SVU)

Nick Amaro x reader (Law and Order: SVU)

Male!svu characters x female!reader (Law and Order: SVU)

Jefferson Hatter x reader (Once Upon A Time)

Headcanons

——————————————————

Dating Draco Malfoy would include...

Going home for the holidays with Fred (muggleborn reader)

Being in a relationship with George after the battle of Hogwarts

The Marauders holding you in their arms as you die

Introducing Loki to earth

Disney movie marathon with your boyfriend Loki

Decorating the tower for Christmas with the avengers + your boyfriend Pietro

Social Media aus

———————————————————

Loki Laufeyson x bookworm girl

Roadtrip with Bucky Barnes

[mcsm-confessions]

I HATE WHITE BOY JESSE IM GONNA BURN HIM ALIVE AND PUT HIM IN A SALAD SPINNER AND PISS ON HIS WIFE AND KILL HIM AND WATERBOARD HIM AND AND

~~~

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Who are your top five NHL teams and why?

Ooooo this is fun! Thanks anon!

Short list:

Habs ❤️🤍💙

Pens 🐧

Canucks 🌈🌊

Caps 🦅

Leafs 🟦🍁🟦 (no really! I know I don’t talk about them much but its true!)

Over-wordy explanations/backstory for my relationship to each of these teams below the cut for those interested!

Montreal Canadiens. My dearly beloved Nana, who half-raised me, is a lifelong diehard Habs fan who grew up listening to their games on the radio and then later as an adult watching them duel with the Leafs on Saturday nights on a black-and-white tv (also a BIG Carey Price stan). Needless to say she rubbed off on me immensely, and I remember saying to myself at some point “well, if that’s Nana’s team, that’s gonna be my team too” and it stuck for life. I also had a friend in middle school who was a RELIGIOUS Habs fan who also worshipped at the altar of Jesus Price in those early 2010’s, so I heard a LOT about all of that every lunch break as he argued with friends who were Pens and Bruins fans lol. We went on the Bell Centre tour during the annual 9th grade French class trip to Quebec, and while I was mostly focused on getting to the gift shop to buy Nana a souvenir, I swear my friend’s eyes were the size of quarters the whole time lmao. (Would LOVE to go back now that I care a lot). Basically the Habs are the closest thing to a local NHL team our region has bc we get their broadcasts (though people choose their own team allegiances for various random personal reasons), and I grew up absorbing through osmosis both the legends of yore and the latest updates on whatever Carey and PK and the lads were up to. (Also I’ve been quietly in love with Price myself since at least the 2014 Olympics lol. My first best fav ❤️) Bottom line the Habs are My Team, the “I’m gonna be here even when it sucks, even when players move on, this is attached to me in a way I can’t quite explain” team that every hockey fan has in their heart. GO HABS GO!

Pittsburgh Penguins. If you were an elementary school kid in Nova Scotia when Sidney Crosby was first released and up through the 2010’s, you had two options: love him, or hate him, but you better accept you’re gonna be hearing about him a LOT. I settled on “vague fondness” and followed Sid from a newspaper-scanning distance and vaguely rooted for him because when he brought the Cup home it felt like we all won. And like I said, lots of passionate Pens fans in my grade school classes to hear from (he’s also the only non-Habs player my Nana likes lol). Then I got into hockey properly last year and learned about Geno beyond just knowing his name, and my chronic affection for large loveable Russians got combined with my longstanding vague “I hope the Penguins win” feelings and my “time to get the full story on the Sidney Crosby’s Penguins narrative I only ever watched from a distance” research, in a manner not unlike the creation of the PowerPuff Girls ([chemical X] etc etc lol) to create a potent adoration for this team that rocketed them to second place in my heart. Also the fandom is just so damn fun and makes such great content, and that definitely feeds my level of engagement with the Pens!! Sometimes, when I want an emotional pick-me-up I watch one of their last 3 championship films just to remember what joy and optimism is — I would love to be present as a real-time fan for another adventure like that. With how much I know about them and how much I care, they’re my #2 for sure. I love those flightless fucks!!

Vancouver Canucks. So I started watching live NHL hockey games last summer around I think game 2 of the Habs’ first round series against the Flyers (I saw Price’s “Miracle Save” on twitter while following along bc I was intrigued by the fact that they made it through the play-ins, and was like “OKAY NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT LIVE”). That was really fun! Riiiight up until the Habs got eliminated. :/ And I was like “well, shit. I’m enjoying this hockey thing too much to stop now. who else is still around I can root for?” And the Canucks were the last Canadian team still in it, and there was buzz about their miraculous first-round win but also uncertainty I believe Markstrom had *just* got injured. So I started watching, ended up witnessing the Bubble Demko Miracle unfold live, had my heart charmed off me by “whatever the hell those two lil blonde bitches have going on” and a delightful underdog story, and here I am. Hitched to the Canuck wagon whether I enjoy it or not. Here for whatever happens! (Doesn’t hurt that I love me some Elton John too 😉)

Washington Capitals. I’m a person who is more likely to be really engaged with a team that has super interesting personalities, characters, and narratives around it — and my GOD are the Capitals good for that. I absolutely definitely started down this road with that mic’d up video from the 2018 final of Ovi telling Nicke “after me, I give it to you baby!” re: the Cup. Like I can pinpoint that there was a day I saw that for the first time in a gifset, squinted at the screen, said “you’re fucking with me...”, went to youtube, watched it be for reals, and was like “well. now I need to know more about ALL this.” After watching games and learning more about the team, I really enjoy the Caps’ “big dumb found family of stone-cold total weirdos” energy, their fun collective chemistry, their Cup story, etc. And oh BOY the fandom is fun during game lb’s! I love all the in-jokes and player nicknames, our delight with the quirks of our colourful wonderful broadcast crew (shoutout Wine Uncles & Co), the way we cheer for record-breaking milestones like they’re a first NHL goal! Being a fan of the Caps AND the Pens can be a bit awkward sometimes, and the team certainly has its blemishes, but my heart is big enough for two Metro teams for sure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Toronto Maple Leafs. So like, as you can imagine from my previously described upbringing in Hab Land, “haha Leafs suck” is a punchline I have long been familiar with and trained to recite. I got a solid 3 days of laughter and entertainment out of the whole Zamboni Driver Saga last February, oh boy did I ever. But the thing is.... I have the Leafs to thank for the fact that I watch hockey now. See, the entire reason I started paying proper attention to the playoff bubble last summer was because one day, I happened to see the phrase “WHAT IS HAPPENING” trending at 16k tweets on twitter, and clicked on it like “huh?”. Turns out the Leafs were in the middle of their miraculous 3-minute comeback against Columbus and the country was losing its mind. And when they won, I was like “huh... the Zamboni Team is doing THIS??? I may have to start paying attention to this playoffs thing, because if they go All The Way I think that might be the only thing funnier than the Zamboni Incident”. Aaaaand when they immediately lost the next game and were eliminated I was like “lol, sounds about right” and was then immediately distracted by news of the Habs winning the play-in round. So then I spent several months watching playoffs and forgetting about the Leafs. And then one day in early October, looking on YouTube for more hockey to watch after the playoffs ended, I stumbled across something called a Hat Pick, and boy I actually enjoyed this shouty man’s sense of humour and takes on the game... and then when I ran out of Hat Picks and Dangits I watched some Trade Trees, which pulled back the curtain on the business side of the game... and then I discovered LFR’s, which were good background noise for doing tasks... and then I was recommended the episode of the Steve Dangle Podcast about Mitch Marner and The List... and next thing I knew I was listening to more of this podcast, because I found Steve and the guys to be insightful and funny and there was no hockey to watch, and I was trepidatious about accidentally stumbling into the more toxic corners of hockey fandom if I branched out for other content... and, well. If you spend enough hours listening to people passionately analyze every facet of a team, shout and cheer over a team, make fun of that team, nearly cry over that team... it’s really REALLY hard to not start to care about it. Leafs analysis was basically how I learned most of what I’ve learned about hockey this past year! And kudos to Steve and Adam and Jesse, their passionate investment in the Leafs and great content has got ME invested in the Leafs mainly because I want to see things go well for them. I want Charlie Brown to kick the football! I love a triumph over adversity story! Also, I think if the Leafs did Do The Thing it would basically be the combination of “Cubs win the World Series” and “Raptors are the champs” and I wanna watch the city of Toronto go fully apeshit from a safe distance. I don’t adore many their individual players as much as I do some other teams higher on this list, and I still laugh far too much when things go super comically impossibly badly for them, but I am actually pulling for the Leafs!! I want to see it all pay off for them. I want them to go all the way. Gimme that “LEAFS WIN!!!” (Unless it’s against someone above them on this list lol)

[bongaboi]

2021 Grammy Awards: The List.

New age

Best New Age Album

More Guitar Stories – Jim "Kimo" West

Songs from the Bardo – Laurie Anderson, Tenzin Choegyal & Jesse Paris Smith

Periphery – Priya Darshini

Form//Less – Superposition

Meditations – Cory Wong & Jon Batiste

Jazz

Best Improvised Jazz Solo

"All Blues" – Chick Corea, soloist

"Guinnevere" – Christian Scott Atunde Adjuah, soloist

"Pachamama" – Regina Carter, soloist

"Tomorrow is the Question" – Julian Lage, soloist

"Celia" – Gerald Clayton, soloist

"Moe Honk" – Joshua Redman, soloist

Best Jazz Vocal Album

Secrets are the Best Stories – Kurt Elling featuring Danilo Pérez

ONA – Thana Alexa

Modern Ancestors – Carmen Lundy

Holy Room: Live at Alte Oper – Somi With Frankfurt Radio Big Band

What's the Hurry – Kenny Washington

Best Jazz Instrumental Album

Trilogy 2 – Chick Corea, Christian McBride & Brian Blade

on the tender spot of every calloused moment – Ambrose Akinmusire

Waiting Game – Terri Lyne Carrington and Social Science

Happening: Live at the Village Vanguard – Gerald Clayton

RoundAgain – Redman Mehldau McBride Blade

Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album

Data Lords – Maria Schneider Orchestra

Dialogues on Race – Gregg August

Monk'estra Plays John Beasley – John Beasley

The Intangible Between – Orrin Evans and The Captain Black Big Band

Songs You Like a Lot – John Hollenbeck with Theo Bleckmann, Kate McGarry, Gary Versace and The Frankfurt Radio Big Band

Best Latin Jazz Album

Four Questions – Arturo O'Farrill & The Afro Latin Jazz Orchestra

Tradiciones – Afro-Peruvian Jazz Orchestra

City of Dreams – Chico Pinheiro

Viento y Tiempo - Live at Blue Note Tokyo – Gonzalo Rubalcaba & Aymée Nuviola

Trane's Delight – Poncho Sanchez

Gospel/contemporary Christian music

Best Gospel Performance/Song

"Movin' On"

Darryl L. Howell, Jonathan Caleb McReynolds, Kortney Jamaal Pollard & Terrell Demetrius Wilson, songwriters (Jonathan McReynolds & Mali Music)

"Wonderful is Your Name"

Melvin Crispell III, songwriter (Melvin Crispell III)

"Release (Live)"

David Frazier, songwriter (Ricky Dillard featuring Tiff Joy)

"Come Together"

Lashawn Daniels, Rodney Jerkins, Lecrae Moore & Jazz Nixon, songwriters (Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins Presents: The Good News)

"Won't Let Go"

Travis Greene, songwriter (Travis Greene)

Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song

"There Was Jesus"

Casey Beathard, Jonathan Smith & Zach Williams, songwriters (Zach Williams & Dolly Parton)

"The Blessing (Live)"

Chris Brown, Cody Carnes, Kari Jobe Carnes & Steven Furtick, songwriters (Kari Jobe, Cody Carnes & Elevation Worship)

"Sunday Morning"

Denisia Andrews, Jones Terrence Antonio, Saint Bodhi, Brittany Coney, Kirk Franklin, Lasanna Harris, Shama Joseph, Stuart Lowery, Lecrae Moore & Nathanael Saint-Fleur, songwriters (Lecrae featuring Kirk Franklin)

"Holy Water"

Andrew Bergthold, Ed Cash, Franni Cash, Martin Cash & Scott Cash, songwriters (We the Kingdom)

"Famous For (I Believe)"

Chuck Butler, Krissy Nordhoff, Jordan Sapp, Alexis Slifer & Tauren Wells, songwriters (Tauren Wells featuring Jenn Johnson)

Best Gospel Album

Gospel According to PJ – PJ Morton

2econd Wind: ReadY – Anthony Brown & group therAPy

My Tribute – Myron Butler

Choirmaster – Ricky Dillard

Kierra – Kierra Sheard

Best Contemporary Christian Music Album

Jesus Is King – Kanye West

Run to The Father – Cody Carnes

All of My Best Friends – Hillsong Young & Free

Holy Water – We the Kingdom

Citizen of Heaven – Tauren Wells

Best Roots Gospel Album

Celebrating Fisk! (The 150th Anniversary Album) – Fisk Jubilee Singers

Beautiful Day – Mark Bishop

20/20 – The Crabb Family

What Christmas Really Means – The Erwins

Something Beautiful – Ernie Haase & Signature Sound

Latin

Best Latin Pop Album or Urban Album

YHLQMDLG – Bad Bunny

Por Primera Vez – Camilo

Mesa Para Dos – Kany García

Pausa – Ricky Martin

3:33 – Debi Nova

Best Latin Rock or Alternative Album

La Conquista del Espacio – Fito Páez

Aura – Bajofondo

MONSTRUO – Cami

Sobrevolando – Cultura Profética

Miss Colombia – Lido Pimienta

Best Regional Mexican Music Album (Including Tejano)

Un Canto por México, Vol. 1 – Natalia Lafourcade

Hecho en México – Alejandro Fernández

La Serenata – Lupita Infante

Bailando Sones y Huampangos con Mariachi Sol De Mexico De Jose Hernandez – Mariachi Sol De Mexico De Jose Hernandez

Ayayay! – Christian Nodal

Best Tropical Latin Album

40 – Grupo Niche

Mi Tumbao – José Alberto "El Ruiseñor"

Infinito – Edwin Bonilla

Sigo Cantando al Amor (Deluxe) – Jorge Celedon & Sergio Luis

Memorias de Navidad – Víctor Manuelle

American roots

Best American Roots Performance

"I Remember Everything" – John Prine

"Colors" – Black Pumas

"Deep in Love" – Bonny Light Horseman

"Short and Sweet" – Brittany Howard

"I'll Be Gone" – Norah Jones & Mavis Staples

Best American Roots Song

"I Remember Everything"

Pat McLaughlin & John Prine, songwriters (John Prine)

"Cabin"

Laura Rogers & Lydia Rogers, songwriters (The Secret Sisters)

"Ceiling to the Floor"

Sierra Hull & Kai Welch, songwriters (Sierra Hull)

"Hometown"

Sarah Jarosz, songwriter (Sarah Jarosz)

"Man Without a Soul"

Tom Overby & Lucinda Williams, songwriters (Lucinda Williams)

Best Americana Album

World on the Ground – Sarah Jarosz

Old Flowers – Courtney Marie Andrews

Terms of Surrender – Hiss Golden Messenger

El Dorado – Marcus King

Good Souls Better Angels – Lucinda Williams

Best Bluegrass Album

Home – Billy Strings

Man on Fire – Danny Barnes

To Live in Two Worlds, Vol. 1 – Thomm Jutz

North Carolina Songbook – Steep Canyon Rangers

The John Hartford Fiddle Tune Project, Vol. 1 – Various Artists

Best Traditional Blues Album

Rawer than Raw – Bobby Rush

All My Dues are Paid – Frank Bey

You Make Me Feel – Don Bryant

That's What I Heard – Robert Cray Band

Cypress Grove – Jimmy "Duck" Holmes

Best Contemporary Blues Album

Have You Lost Your Mind Yet? – Fantastic Negrito

Live at the Paramount – Ruthie Foster Big Band

The Juice – G. Love

Blackbirds – Bettye LaVette

Up and Rolling – North Mississippi Allstars

Best Folk Album

All the Good Times – Gillian Welch & David Rawlings

Bonny Light Horseman – Bonny Light Horseman

Thanks for the Dance – Leonard Cohen

Song for Our Daughter – Laura Marling

Saturn Return – The Secret Sisters

Best Regional Roots Music Album

Atmosphere – New Orleans Nightcrawlers

My Relatives 'nikso' Kowaiks – Black Lodge Singers

Cameron Dupuy and The Cajun Troubadours – Cameron Dupuy And The Cajun Troubadours

Lovely Sunrise – Nā Wai ʽEhā

A Tribute to Al Berard – Sweet Cecilia

Reggae

Best Reggae Album

Got to Be Tough – Toots and the Maytals

Upside Down 2020 – Buju Banton

Higher Place – Skip Marley

It All Comes Black to Love – Maxi Priest

One World – The Wailers

Global music

Best Global Music Album

Twice as Tall – Burna Boy

Fu Chronicles – Antibalas

Agora – Bebel Gilberto

Love Letters – Anoushka Shankar

Amadjar – Tinariwen

Children's

Best Children's Album

All the Ladies – Joanie Leeds

Be a Pain: An Album for Young (and Old) Leaders – Alastair Moock And Friends

I'm an Optimist – Dog On Fleas

Songs for Singin' – The Okee Dokee Brothers

Wild Life – Justin Roberts

Spoken word

Best Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books & Storytelling)

Blowout: Corrupted Democracy, Rogue State Russia, and the Richest, Most Destructive Industry on Earth – Rachel Maddow

Acid for the Children – A Memoir – Flea

Alex Trebek – The Answer Is... – Ken Jennings

Catch and Kill – Ronan Farrow

Charlotte's Web (E.B. White) – Meryl Streep and Full Cast

Comedy

Best Comedy Album

Black Mitzvah – Tiffany Haddish

I Love Everything – Patton Oswalt

The Pale Tourist – Jim Gaffigan

Paper Tiger – Bill Burr

23 Hours to Kill – Jerry Seinfeld

Musical theater

Best Musical Theater Album

Jagged Little Pill – Kathryn Gallagher, Celia Rose Gooding, Lauren Patten & Elizabeth Stanley, principal soloists; Neal Avron, Pete Ganbarg, Tom Kitt, Michael Parker, Craig Rosen & Vivek J. Tiwary, producers (Glen Ballard & Alanis Morissette, lyricists) (Original Broadway Cast)

Amélie – Audrey Brisson, Chris Jared, Caolan McCarthy & Jez Unwin, principal soloists; Michael Fentiman, Sean Patrick Flahaven, Barnaby Race & Nathan Tysen, producers; Nathan Tysen, lyricist; Daniel Messe, composer & lyricist (Original London Cast)

American Utopia on Broadway – David Byrne, principal soloist; David Byrne, producer (David Byrne, composer & lyricist) (Original Cast)

Little Shop of Horrors – Tammy Blanchard, Jonathan Groff & Tom Alan Robbins, principal soloists; Will Van Dyke, Michael Mayer, Alan Menken & Frank Wolf, producers (Alan Menken, composer; Howard Ashman, lyricist) (The New Off-Broadway Cast)

The Prince of Egypt – Christine Allado, Luke Brady, Alexia Khadime & Liam Tamne, principal soloists; Dominick Amendum & Stephen Schwartz, producers; Stephen Schwartz, composer & lyricist (Original Cast)

Soft Power – Francis Jue, Austin Ku, Alyse Alan Louis & Conrad Ricamora, principal soloists; Matt Stine, producer; David Henry Hwang, lyricist; Jeanine Tesori, composer & lyricist (Original Cast)

Music for visual media

Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media

Jojo Rabbit – Various artists

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood – Various artists

Bill & Ted Face the Music – Various artists

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga – Various artists

Frozen II – Various artists

Best Score Soundtrack for Visual Media

Joker – Hildur Guðnadóttir, composer

Ad Astra – Max Richter, composer

Becoming – Kamasi Washington, composer

1917 – Thomas Newman, composer

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker – John Williams, composer

Best Song Written for Visual Media

"No Time to Die" (from No Time to Die)

Billie Eilish O'Connell and Finneas O'Connell (Billie Eilish)

"Beautiful Ghosts" (from Cats)

Andrew Lloyd Webber and Taylor Swift (Taylor Swift)

"Carried Me with You" (from Onward)

Brandi Carlile, Phil Hanseroth and Tim Hanseroth (Brandi Carlile)

"Into the Unknown" (from Frozen II)

Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez (Idina Menzel featuring AURORA)

"Stand Up" (from Harriet)

Joshuah Brian Campbell and Cynthia Erivo (Cynthia Erivo)

Composing/Arranging

Best Instrumental Composition

"Sputnik"

Maria Schneider, composer (Maria Schneider)

"Baby Jack"

Arturo O'Farrill, composer (Arturo O'Farrill & The Afro Latin Jazz Orchestra)

"Be Water II"

Christian Sands, composer (Christian Sands)

"Plumfield"

Alexandre Desplat, composer (Alexandre Desplat)

"Strata"

Remy Le Boeuf, composer (Remy Le Boeuf's Assembly Of Shadows featuring Anna Webber & Eric Miller)

Best Arrangement, Instrumental or A Cappella

"Donna Lee"

John Beasley, arranger (John Beasley)

"Bathroom Dance"

Hildur Guðnadóttir, arranger (Hildur Guðnadóttir)

"Honeymooners"

Remy Le Boeuf, arranger (Remy Le Boeuf's Assembly Of Shadows)

"Lift Every Voice and Sing"

Alvin Chea & Jarrett Johnson, arrangers (Jarrett Johnson Featuring Alvin Chea)

"Uranus: The Magician"

Jeremy Levy, arranger (Jeremy Levy Jazz Orchestra)

Best Arrangement, Instruments and Vocals

"He Won't Hold You"

Jacob Collier, arranger (Jacob Collier featuring Rapsody)

"Asas Fechadas"

John Beasley & Maria Mendes, arrangers (Maria Mendes Featuring John Beasley & Orkest Metropole)

"Desert Song"

Erin Bentlage, Sara Gazarek, Johnaye Kendrick & Amanda Taylor, arrangers (Säje)

"From This Place"

Alan Broadbent & Pat Metheny, arrangers (Pat Metheny featuring Meshell Ndegeocello)

"Slow Burn"

Talia Billig, Nic Hard & Becca Stevens, arrangers (Becca Stevens featuring Jacob Collier, Mark Lettieri, Justin Stanton, Jordan Perlson, Nic Hard, Keita Ogawa, Marcelo Woloski & Nate Werth)

Package

Best Recording Package

Vols. 11 & 12

Doug Cunningham & Jason Noto, art directors (Desert Sessions)

Everyday Life

Pilar Zeta, art director (Coldplay)

Funeral

Kyle Goen, art director (Lil Wayne)

Healer

Julian Gross & Hannah Hooper, art directors (Grouplove)

On Circles

Jordan Butcher, art director (Caspian)

Best Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package

Ode to Joy

Lawrence Azerrad & Jeff Tweedy, art directors (Wilco)

Flaming Pie (Collector's Edition)

Linn Wie Andersen, Simon Earith, Paul McCartney & James Musgrave, art directors (Paul McCartney)

Giants Stadium 1987, 1989, 1991

Lisa Glines & Doran Tyson, art directors (Grateful Dead)

Mode

Jeff Schulz, art director (Depeche Mode)

The Story of Ghostly International

Michael Cina & Molly Smith, art directors (Various Artists)

Notes

Best Album Notes

Dead Man's Pop

Bob Mehr, album notes writer (The Replacements)

At The Minstrel Show: Minstrel Routines From The Studio, 1894-1926

Tim Brooks, album notes writer (Various Artists)

The Bakersfield Sound: Country Music Capital Of The West, 1940-1974

Scott B. Bomar, album notes writer (Various Artists)

The Missing Link: How Gus Haenschen Got Us From Joplin To Jazz And Shaped The Music Business

Colin Hancock, album notes writer (Various Artists)

Out Of A Clear Blue Sky

David Sager, album notes writer (Nat Brusiloff)

Historical

Best Historical Album

It's Such a Good Feeling: The Best of Mister Rogers

Lee Lodyga & Cheryl Pawelski, compilation producers; Michael Graves, mastering engineer (Mister Rogers)

Celebrated, 1895–1896

Meagan Hennessey & Richard Martin, compilation producers; Richard Martin, mastering engineer (Unique Quartette)

Hittin' the Ramp: The Early Years (1936–1943)

Zev Feldman, Will Friedwald & George Klabin, compilation producers; Matthew Lutthans, mastering engineer (Nat King Cole)

1999 Super Deluxe Edition

Michael Howe, compilation producer; Bernie Grundman, mastering engineer (Prince)

Souvenir

Carolyn Agger, compilation producer; Miles Showell, mastering engineer (Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

Throw Down Your Heart: The Complete Africa Sessions

Béla Fleck, compilation producer; Richard Dodd, mastering engineer (Béla Fleck)

Production, non-classical

Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical

Hyperspace

Drew Brown, Andrew Coleman, Shawn Everett, Serban Ghenea, David Greenbaum, Jaycen Joshua, Beck Hansen & Mike Larson, engineers; Randy Merrill, mastering engineer (Beck)

Black Hole Rainbow

Shawn Everett & Ivan Wayman, engineers; Bob Ludwig, mastering engineer (Devon Gilfillian)

Expectations

Gary Paczosa & Mike Robinson, engineers; Paul Blakemore, mastering engineer (Katie Pruitt)

Jaime

Shawn Everett, engineer; Shawn Everett, mastering engineer (Brittany Howard)

25 Trips

Shani Gandhi & Gary Paczosa, engineers; Adam Grover, mastering engineer (Sierra Hull)

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical

Andrew Watt

"Break My Heart" (Dua Lipa)

"Me and My Guitar" (A Boogie wit da Hoodie)

"Midnight Sky" (Miley Cyrus)

"Old Me" (5 Seconds of Summer)

"Ordinary Man" (Ozzy Osbourne featuring Elton John)

"Take What You Want" (Post Malone featuring Ozzy Osbourne & Travis Scott)

"Under The Graveyard" (Ozzy Osbourne)

Jack Antonoff

"August" (Taylor Swift)

Gaslighter (The Chicks)

"Holy Terrain" (FKA Twigs featuring Future)

"Mirrorball" (Taylor Swift)

"This Is Me Trying" (Taylor Swift)

"Together" (Sia)

Dan Auerbach

Cypress Grove (Jimmy "Duck" Holmes)

El Dorado (Marcus King)

Is Thomas Callaway (CeeLo Green)

Singing for My Supper (Early James)

Solid Gold Sounds (Kendell Marvel)

Years (John Anderson)

Dave Cobb

"Backbone" (Kaleo)

The Balladeer (Lori McKenna)

Boneshaker (Airbourne)

Down Home Christmas (Oak Ridge Boys)

The Highwomen (The Highwomen)

"I Remember Everything" (John Prine)

Reunions (Jason Isbell And The 400 Unit)

"The Spark" (William Prince)

"You're Still the One" (Teddy Swims)

Flying Lotus

It Is What It Is (Thundercat)

Best Remixed Recording

"Roses (Imanbek Remix)"

Imanbek Zeikenov, remixer (SAINt JHN)

"Do You Ever (RAC Mix)"

RAC, remixer (Phil Good)

"Imaginary Friends (Morgan Page Remix)"

Morgan Page, remixer (Deadmau5)

"Praying for You (Louie Vega Main Remix)"

Louie Vega, remixer (Jasper Street Co.)

"Young & Alive (Bazzi vs. Haywyre Remix)"

Haywyre, remixer (Bazzi)

Production, immersive audio

Best Immersive Audio Album

The judging for this category was postponed.

Production, classical

Best Engineered Album, Classical

"Shostakovich: Symphony No. 13, 'Babi Yar'"

David Frost & Charlie Post, engineers; Silas Brown, mastering engineer (Riccardo Muti & Chicago Symphony Orchestra)

"Danielpour: The Passion of Yeshua"

Bernd Gottinger, engineer (JoAnn Falletta, James K. Bass, Adam Luebke, UCLA Chamber Singers, Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra & Buffalo Philharmonic Chorus)

"Gershwin: Porgy and Bess"

David Frost & John Kerswell, engineers; Silas Brown, mastering engineer (David Robertson, Eric Owens, Angel Blue, Metropolitan Opera Orchestra & Chorus)

"Hynes: Fields"

Kyle Pyke, engineer; Jesse Lewis & Kyle Pyke, mastering engineers (Devonté Hynes & Third Coast Percussion)

"Ives: Complete Symphonies"

Alexander Lipay & Dmitriy Lipay, engineers; Alexander Lipay & Dmitriy Lipay, mastering engineers (Gustavo Dudamel & Los Angeles Philharmonic)

Producer of the Year, Classical

David Frost

Beethoven: Piano Sonatas, Vol. 9 (Jonathan Biss)

Gershwin: Porgy And Bess (David Robertson, Eric Owens, Angel Blue, Metropolitan Opera Orchestra & Chorus)

Gluck: Orphée & Eurydice (Harry Bicket, Dmitry Korchak, Andriana Chuchman, Lauren Snouffer, Lyric Opera Of Chicago Orchestra & Chorus)

Holst: The Planets; The Perfect Fool (Michael Stern & Kansas City Symphony)

Muhly: Marnie (Robert Spano, Isabel Leonard, Christopher Maltman, Denyce Graves, Iestyn Davies, Janis Kelly, Metropolitan Opera Orchestra & Chorus)

Schubert: Piano Sonatas, D. 845, D. 894, D. 958, D. 960 (Shai Wosner)

Shostakovich: Symphony No. 13, 'Babi Yar' (Riccardo Muti, Alexey Tikhomirov, Chicago Symphony Orchestra & Chorus)

Blanton Alspaugh

Aspects Of America - Pulitzer Edition (Carlos Kalmar & Oregon Symphony)

Blessed Art Thou Among Women (Peter Jermihov, Katya Lukianov & PaTRAM Institute Singers)

Dvořák: Symphony No. 9; Copland: Billy The Kid (Gianandrea Noseda & National Symphony Orchestra)

Glass: The Fall Of The House Of Usher (Joseph Li, Nicholas Nestorak, Madison Leonard, Jonas Hacker, Ben Edquist, Matthew Adam Fleisher & Wolf Trap Opera)

Kahane: Emergency Shelter Intake Form (Alicia Hall Moran, Gabriel Kahane, Carlos Kalmar & Oregon Symphony)

Kastalsky: Requiem (Leonard Slatkin, Steven Fox, Benedict Sheehan, Charles Bruffy, Cathedral Choral Society, The Clarion Choir, The Saint Tikhon Choir, Kansas City Chorale & Orchestra Of St. Luke's)

Massenet: Thaïs (Andrew Davis, Joshua Hopkins, Andrew Staples, Erin Wall, Toronto Mendelssohn Choir & Toronto Symphony Orchestra)

Smyth: The Prison (Sarah Brailey, Dashon Burton, James Blachly & Experiential Orchestra)

Woolf, L.P.: Fire And Flood (Julian Wachner, Matt Haimovitz & Choir Of Trinity Wall Street)

Jesse Lewis

Gunn: The Ascendant (Roomful Of Teeth)

Harrison, M.: Just Constellations (Roomful Of Teeth)

Her Own Wings (Willamette Valley Chamber Music Festival)

Hynes: Fields (Devonté Hynes & Third Coast Percussion)

Lang, D.: Love Fail (Beth Willer & Lorelei Ensemble)

Mazzoli: Proving Up (Christopher Rountree, Opera Omaha & International Contemporary Ensemble)

Sharlat: Spare The Rod! (NOW Ensemble)

Soul House (Hub New Music)

Wherein Lies The Good (The Westerlies)

Dmitry Lipay

Adams, J.: Must The Devil Have All The Good Tunes? (Yuja Wang, Gustavo Dudamel & Los Angeles Philharmonic)

Cipullo: The Parting (Alastair Willis, Laura Strickling, Catherine Cook, Michael Mayes & Music Of Remembrance)

Ives: Complete Symphonies (Gustavo Dudamel & Los Angeles Philharmonic)

LA Phil 100 - The Los Angeles Philharmonic Centennial Birthday Gala (Gustavo Dudamel & Los Angeles Philharmonic)

Langgaard: Prelude To Antichrist; Strauss: An Alpine Symphony (Thomas Dausgaard & Seattle Symphony Orchestra)

Nielsen: Symphony No. 1 & Symphony No. 2, 'The Four Temperaments' (Thomas Dausgaard & Seattle Symphony)

Elaine Martone

Bound For The Promised Land (Robert M. Franklin, Steven Darsey, Jessye Norman & Taylor Branch)

Dawn (Shachar Israel)

Gandolfi, Prior & Oliverio: Orchestral Works (Robert Spano & Atlanta Symphony Orchestra)

Singing In The Dead Of Night (Eighth Blackbird)

Whitacre: The Sacred Veil (Eric Whitacre, Grant Gershon & Los Angeles Master Chorale)

Classical

Best Orchestral Performance

"Ives: Complete Symphonies"

Gustavo Dudamel, conductor (Los Angeles Philharmonic)

"Aspects of America - Pulitzer Edition"

Carlos Kalmar, conductor (Oregon Symphony)

"Concurrence"

Daníel Bjarnason, conductor (Iceland Symphony Orchestra)

"Copland: Symphony No. 3"

Michael Tilson Thomas, conductor (San Francisco Symphony)

"Lutosławski: Symphonies No. 2 & 3"

Hannu Lintu, conductor (Finnish Radio Symphony Orchestra)

Best Opera Recording

"Gershwin: Porgy and Bess"

David Robertson, conductor; Angel Blue & Eric Owens; David Frost, producer (The Metropolitan Opera Orchestra; The Metropolitan Opera Chorus)

"Dello Joio: The Trial at Rouen"

Gil Rose, conductor; Heather Buck & Stephen Powell; Gil Rose, producer (Boston Modern Orchestra Project; Odyssey Opera Chorus)

"Floyd, C: Prince of Players"

William Boggs, conductor; Keith Phares & Kate Royal; Blanton Alspaugh, producer (Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra; Florentine Opera Chorus)

"Handel: Agrippina"

Maxim Emelyanychev, conductor; Joyce DiDonato; Daniel Zalay, producer (Il Pomo D'Oro)

"Zemlinsky: Der Zwerg"

Donald Runnicles, conductor; David Butt Philip & Elena Tsallagova; Peter Ghirardini & Erwin Stürzer, producers (Orchestra Of The Deutsche Oper Berlin; Chorus Of The Deutsche Oper Berlin)

Best Choral Performance

"Danielpour: The Passion of Yessuah"

JoAnn Falletta, conductor; James K. Bass & Adam Luebke, chorus masters (James K. Bass, J'Nai Bridges, Timothy Fallon, Kenneth Overton, Hila Plitmann & Matthew Worth; Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra; Buffalo Philharmonic Chorus & UCLA Chamber Singers)

"Carthage"

Donald Nally, conductor (The Crossing)

"Kastalski: Requiem"

Leonard Slatkin, conductor; Charles Bruffy, Steven Fox & Benedict Sheehan, chorus masters (Joseph Charles Beutel & Anna Dennis; Orchestra Of St. Luke's; Cathedral Choral Society, The Clarion Choir, Kansas City Chorale & The Saint Tikhon Choir)

"Moravec: Sanctuary Road"

Kent Tritle, conductor (Joshua Blue, Raehann Bryce-Davis, Dashon Burton, Malcolm J. Merriweather & Laquita Mitchell; Oratorio Society Of New York Orchestra; Oratorio Society Of New York Chorus)

"Once Upon a Time"

Matthew Guard, conductor (Sarah Walker; Skylark Vocal Ensemble)

Best Chamber Music/Small Ensemble Performance

"Contemporary Voices" – Pacifica Quartet

"Healing Modes" – Brooklyn Rider

"Hearne, T,: Place" – Ted Hearne, Steven Bradshaw, Sophia Byrd, Josephine Lee, Isaiah Robinson, Sol Ruiz, Ayanna Woods & Place Orchestra

"Hynes: Fields" – Devonté Hynes & Third Coast Percussion

"The Schumann Quartets" – Dover Quartet

Best Classical Instrumental Solo

"Theofanidis: Concerto for Viola and Chamber Orchestra"

Richard O'Neill; David Alan Miller, conductor (Albany Symphony)

"Adés: Concerto for Piano and Orchestra"

Kirill Gerstein; Thomas Adès, conductor (Boston Symphony Orchestra)

"Beethoven: Complete Piano Sonatas"

Igor Levit

"Bohemian Tales"

Augustin Hadelich; Jakub Hrůša, conductor (Charles Owen; Symphonieorchester Des Bayerischen Rundfunks)

"Destination Rachmaninov - Arrival"

Daniil Trifonov; Yannick Nézet-Séguin, conductor (The Philadelphia Orchestra)

Best Classical Solo Vocal Album

"Smyth: The Prison"

Sarah Brailey & Dashon Burton; James Blachly, conductor (Experiential Chorus; Experiential Orchestra)

"American Composers at Play - William Bolcom, Ricky Ian Gordon, Lori Laitman, John Musto"

Stephen Powell (Attacca Quartet, William Bolcom, Ricky Ian Gordon, Lori Laitman, John Musto, Charles Neidich & Jason Vieaux)

"Clairières - Songs by Lili & Nadia Boulanger"

Nicholas Phan; Myra Huang, accompanist

"Farinelli"

Cecilia Bartoli; Giovanni Antonini, conductor (Il Giardino Armonico)

"A Lad's Love"

Brian Giebler; Steven McGhee, accompanist (Katie Hyun, Michael Katz, Jessica Meyer, Reginald Mobley & Ben Russell)

Best Classical Compendium

"Thomas, M.T.: From the Diary of Anne Frank & Meditations on Rilke"

Isabel Leonard; Michael Tilson Thomas, conductor; Jack Vad, producer

"Adès Conducts Adès"

Mark Stone & Christianne Stotijn; Thomas Adès, conductor; Nick Squire, producer

"Saariaho: Graal Théâtre; Circle Map, Neiges, Vers Toi Qui Es Si Loin"

Clément Mao-Takacs, conductor; Hans Kipfer, producer

"Serebrier: Symphonic Bach Variations; Laments and Hallelujahs; Flute Concerto"

José Serebrier, conductor; Jens Braun, producer

"Woolf, L.P.: Fire and Blood"

Matt Haimovitz; Julian Wachner, conductor; Blanton Alspaugh, producer

Best Contemporary Classical Composition

"Rouse: Symphony No. 5"

Christopher Rouse, composer (Giancarlo Guerrero & Nashville Symphony)

"Adès: Concerto for Piano and Orchestra"

Thomas Adès, composer (Kirill Gerstein, Thomas Adès & Boston Symphony Orchestra)

"Danielpour: The Passion of Yeshua"

Richard Danielpour, composer (JoAnn Falletta, James K. Bass, Adam Luebke, UCLA Chamber Singers, Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra & Buffalo Philharmonic Chorus)

"Floyd, C.: Prince of Players"

Carlisle Floyd, composer (William Boggs, Kate Royal, Keith Phares, Florentine Opera Chorus & Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra)

"Hearne, T.: Place"

Ted Hearne, composer (Ted Hearne, Steven Bradshaw, Sophia Byrd, Josephine Lee, Isaiah Robinson, Sol Ruiz, Ayanna Woods & Place Orchestra)

Music video/film

Best Music Video

"Brown Skin Girl" – Beyoncé, Saint Jhn & Wizkid Featuring Blue Ivy Carter

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter & Jenn Nkiru, video directors; Lauren Baker, Astrid Edwards, Nathan Scherrer & Erinn Williams, video producers

"Life Is Good" – Future Featuring Drake

Julien Christian Lutz, video director; Harv Glazer, video producer

"Lockdown" – Anderson .Paak

Dave Meyers, video director; Nathan Scherrer, video producer

"Adore You" – Harry Styles

Dave Meyers, video director; Nathan Scherrer, video producer

"Goliath" – Woodkid

Yoann Lemoine, video director; Horace de Gunzbourg, video producer

Best Music Film

Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice – Linda Ronstadt

Rob Epstein & Jeffrey Friedman, video directors; Michele Farinola & James Keach, video producers

Beastie Boys Story – Beastie Boys

Spike Jonze, video director; Amanda Adelson, Jason Baum & Spike Jonze, video producers

Black Is King – Beyoncé

Emmanuel Adjei, Blitz Bazawule, Beyoncé Knowles Carter & Kwasi Fordjour, video directors; Lauren Baker, Akin Omotoso, Nathan Scherrer, Jeremy Sullivan & Erinn Williams, video producers

We Are Freestyle Love Supreme – Freestyle Love Supreme

Andrew Fried, video director; Andrew Fried, Jill Furman, Thomas Kail, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Sarina Roma, Jenny Steingart & Jon Steingart, video producers

That Little Ol' Band From Texas – ZZ Top

Sam Dunn, video director; Scot McFadyen, video producer

[phantomofthepairofdice]

The Rosscars 2020

Wow. It’s that time of year again, only this time it’s different because it’s on a blog that no one will read! (hold for applause) Welcome to the first annual online publication for the Rosscars (hold for applause while the reader acknowledges how positively droll it is that I combined my name with “Oscars”). Who can forget such indelible Rosscar memories like when Steven Soderbergh surprised us all and won Best Director for Out of Sight or Bill Irwin’s beautiful speech upon winning Best Supporting Actor for Rachel Getting Married?! The Rosscars mean something different to everyone, but we all know that they mean quality choices made by a committee of one schmuck. This year’s Rosscars are bizarre because in an effort to be more like the Academy guidelines, film’s nominated have been released between January 1, 2020 and February 28, 2021. As usual, theatrical windows be damned, streamers are welcome. Of course, I have my gripes. I like categorizing movies by release year – specifically, when they become available to the plain old public like yours truly – not at festivals, limited runs in NYC and LA. Well, the Oscars are still weeks away and I feel like everybody wants to forget about last year and move onto this one that we’re already three months into - So here are my awards for the films, performers, and craftspeople that stood out in a pretty exceptional year for movies even though distribution was stranger than ever. 

**A few caveats and guidelines to Rosscar newcomers (which I imagine is just a formality since we all know the Rosscars so well)**

The rules and categories are a little different around here. First, not every category is honored directly. That’s for a few reasons, chiefly that I don’t feel qualified to reward the technical categories properly – I suppose I should say that I feel less qualified to do so than the “above the line” categories. In keeping with the Academy standard, there are five nominees in each category, except for Best Picture, Best Non-Fiction/Documentary Feature, and Best Ensemble Cast which allow up to ten. Every category, save those three, will have the possibility of honorable mentions, because I want to highlight some things that just barely missed the cut. The narrowing down of a lot of these categories was awfully tough.

Nominees are listed alphabetically, and the winners are in bold and italics.

Also, it’s important to keep in mind that I couldn’t see everything (this isn’t a job and it’s still $20 to rent The Father, y’all) and that these are just the opinions of one (self-described) “bozo on the internet.” If you’re a reader and have different picks, feel free to share!

Special Commendations for some things that I want to recognize: • Ludwig Goransson for his Tenet score which is an absolute banger • The costumes of Emma. (Alexandra Byrne), Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (Ann Roth), and Small Axe (Jaqueline Durran, Sinéad Kidao, and Lisa Duncan) all struck me as exceptional • Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross with their scores for both Soul and Mank. Crazy that Pixar is working with the guy who made “Closer” • The cinematography of Da 5 Bloods (Newton Thomas Sigel), First Cow (Christopher Blauvelt), Beanpole (Kseniya Sereda), and A White, White Day (Maria von Hausswolff)

The Rosscars red carpet was, as usual, a bizarre affair. People filed into the theater and it seemed like the only encounters were awkward ones. Vin Diesel showed up in character as Bloodshot, Aaron Sorkin started getting really verbose about what a lovely night it was, and it became clear that most of the celebrities in attendance didn’t read their invitations closely enough to realize that this was not, in fact, the Academy Awards.

Everyone’s seated, and the show is under way. After a medley about the nominees this year by Common and Seth McFarlane that was more corny but clever than it was funny, the first official category is here, and the presenter is none other than... Ross!

Best Supporting Actor:

1. Chadwick Boseman for Da 5 Bloods

2. Matthew Macfadyen for The Assistant

3. Jesse Plemmons for Judas and the Black Messiah

4. Paul Raci for Sound of Metal

5. Glynn Turman for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Honorable Mentions:

• Lucas Hedges for Let Them All Talk

• Orion Lee for First Cow

• Bill Murray for On the Rocks

Best Supporting Actress:

1. Vanessa Bayer for Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

2. Candice Bergen for Let Them All Talk

3. Gina Rodriguez for Kajillionaire

4. Amanda Seyfried for Mank

5. Yuon Yuh-jung for Minari

Honorable Mentions:

• Jane Adams for She Dies Tomorrow

• Charin Alvarez for Saint Frances

• Talia Ryder for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

• Debra Winger for Kajillionaire

Everyone loves a montage. The audience gets comfortable in their seats as the video screens start to show a montage of some of the most famous moments from Hollywood’s most magical movies. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers waltz, gliding across a dance floor like two hovering angels. There’s a clip of Leo declaring himself king of the world in Titanic, the flying bicycles in ET, Bogart stares longingly into Bacall’s eyes, and then there’s some scene where Tom Cruise rides a motorcycle from 2010′s Knight and Day. The audience all seems confused how that last one got in there. The John Williams music swells as little Kevin McAllister screams when puts on aftershave. We see clips of Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia embrace Harrison Ford’s Han Solo, Bruce Lee smoothly declares that boards don’t hit back and... wait... was that a clip from Michel Gondry’s Green Hornet with Seth Rogen? And that’s a clip from What Happens in Vegas... Bad Teacher... Vanilla Sky... Shrek 2... Any Given Sunday... Everyone is flummoxed. The last clip fades out and a sole editing credit appears: Cameron Diaz. The lights come up and there’s some applause, but mostly confused murmurs. 

The ceremony has had a bit of a misstep, but nothing it can’t recover from, especially as the next category is announced over the PA, and it looks like the presenter is... Ross!

Best Ensemble Cast:

1. Bacurau

2. Da 5 Bloods 

3. Kajillionaire

4. Let Them All Talk

5. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

6. Minari

7. Nomadland

8. Pieces of a Woman

9. Small Axe

Best Original Screenplay:

1. Danny Bilson and Paul Dameo & Spike Lee and Kevin Wilmott for Da 5 Bloods

2. Lee Isaac Chung for Minari

3. Brandon Cronenberg for Possessor

4. Sean Durkin for The Nest

5. Kleber Mendonça Filho and Juliano Dornelles for Bacurau

Honorable Mentions – a very difficult task to weed this down to five.

• Shaka King and Will Berson for Judas and the Black Messiah, from a story by Kenny and Keith Lucas

• Steve McQueen, Alastair Siddons, and Courttia Newland for Small Axe

• Kelly O'Sullivan for Saint Frances

• Thomas Vinterberg and Tobias Lindholm for Another Round

Best Actor:

1. Ben Affleck for The Way Back

2. Chadwick Boseman for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

3. Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

4. John Magaro for First Cow

5. Mads Mikkelsen for Another Round

Honorable Mentions:

• Riz Ahmed for Sound of Metal

• John Boyega for Small Axe

• Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah

• Hugh Jackman for Bad Education

• Ingvar Eggert Sigurðsson for A White, White Day

We have a break in the action and it looks like Darius Rucker has showed up to perform what he would have nominated for Best Original Song. The crowd is absolutely furious as he starts playing a song that apparently was in Trial of the Chicago Seven. An ocean of sonorous boos and curses overtakes the the once docile crowd. The Rock just ripped his chair from out of the ground. Jane Lynch somehow smuggled in a civil war era flintlock pistol that she’s now pointing at the stage! Suddenly, the crowd unifies around what started as a confident chant of one lone audience member - John C Reilly. It’s growing... Ja Ja Ding Dong, Ja Ja Ding Dong, Ja Ja Ding Dong - it’s like the macabre circus performers from Tod Browning’s Freaks, but instead of chanting “Gooble Gobble” they’re clearly pining for Darius to change his tune to the silly and delightful jam from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. Darius, scared for his life, leaves the stage, but here come Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams to deliver the goods. Busy Philips and Michelle Williams burst into tears. Tom Hanks nods in approval. A segment saved by brave artists placating a toxic group of fans... we’ve just witnessed a live version of the Snyder Cut, folks.

Jack Nicholson seems completely unfazed, giving a thumbs up to the camera and blowing a kiss to the next presenter. Coming to the stage is... Ross... again...

Best Actress:

1. Jessie Buckley for i’m thinking of ending things

2. Carrie Coon for The Nest

3. Han Ye-ri for Minari

4. Sidney Flanagan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

5. Vasilisa Perelygina for Beanpole

Honorable Mentions – these cuts were especially painful

• Haley Bennet for Swallow

• Morfydd Clark for Saint Maud

• Frances McDormand for Nomadland

• Christin Milioti for Palm Springs

• Geraldine Viswanathan for Bad Education

Best Adapted Screenplay:

1. Charlie Kaufman for i'm thinking of ending things from Iain Reed's novel

2. Sarah Gubbins for Shirley from Susan Scarf Merrell's novel

3. Kelly Reichardt and John Raymond for First Cow

4. Simon Rich for American Pickle from his short story "Sell Out"

5. Mike Makowsky for Bad Education from Robert Kolker's "The Bad Superintendent"

Best Non-Fiction/Documentary Feature:

1. Boys State

2. Collective

3. David Byrne’s American Utopia

4. Dick Johnson is Dead

5. Feels Good Man

6. In & Of Itself

7. The Painter and the Thief

8. Time

Jimmy Fallon has come out on stage to do a bit about the pandemic and watching movies at home. People are just absolutely not having it. He tries not to laugh at his own jokes while doing what I guess is technically a pretty good impression of Dr. Fauci interviewing James Corden as Martin Scorsese (the less said of this impression, the better) on what is or isn’t cinema. The bit doesn’t track and Fallon is absolutely tanking. The producers cut away from the stage to spare the viewers at home from this monstrosity. We see crowd shots of Millie Bobby Brown shaking her head in dismay, Colin Firth is simultaneously grimacing and trying to stave off laughter, Cynthia Erivo is texting, and director Tom Hooper is taking notes for his next film. Corden yells, “Carpool Karaoke! Remember?!” Ron Howard has fainted. This thing is almost completely off the rails.

Coming back to the stage is the next presenter, a clearly embarrassed... Ross! He’s in a total flop sweat, but stumbles his way through a joke about how Fallon should try co-hosting the Oscars with James Franco sometime. There are scant chuckles throughout a crowd that mostly just wants to see who won and go home.

Best Director:

1. Christopher Nolan for Tenet

2. Spike Lee for Da 5 Bloods

3. Steve McQueen for Small Axe

4. Kelly Reichardt for First Cow

5. Chloé Zhao for Nomadland

Honorable Mentions:

• Kitty Green for The Assistant

• Eliza Hittman for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

• Charlie Kaufman for i'm thinking of ending things

• Thomas Vinterberg for Another Round

Best Picture

1. Bacurau

2. Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

3. Da 5 Bloods

4. First Cow

5. i'm thinking of ending things

6. Judas and the Black Messiah

7. Never Rarely Sometimes Always

8. Nomadland

9. Small Axe

10. Tenet

Accepting the award for best picture is none other than Eve, the cow actor who played the titular First Cow! The audience is enamored with how graceful she looks in her cow gown, and her speech, though indecipherable, is likely simple, observational, and deeply profound for those who speak cow.

Wow, what a ceremony! Hearts were broken, property was damaged, dreams were fulfilled... blood was shed? Damn it, Meryl Streep came in and mugged Charlie Kaufman before absconding with the trophy. Oddly, she’s a previous winner, so the attack isn’t out of need for hardware. People are reading through articles about production on Adaptation for potential motives. Streep made time for a photo opportunity, but remains at large.

I could go on ad infinitum about all of these nominees and winners themselves and why they did or didn’t make the cut, but that’d be better served in a different piece. For now, my thoughts on most of these can be found on the Best of 2020 write-up and over on my Letterboxd. And, as always, these awards can be revoked and redistributed at will, so don’t get too cozy with that statue, Danny Bilson!

On behalf of the RAOGL (Rosscars Association of One Guy at a Laptop), thanks for reading, and stay tuned as we’re establishing a tip line for anyone has seen Ms. Streep or her stolen valor Rosscar. We’ll see you next year. Keep watching movies, and keep arbitrarily quantifying them in terms of subjective quality!

[formerlyjannafaye]

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

Tagged by @serendipitousrambles - thank you, Jess!

What is the colour of your hairbrush? black

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i’m usually one of the two extremes and grouchy about it, lol. usually too cold.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? research at work

What is your favourite candy bar? i love twix, kitkat and dairymilk milk chocolate!

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? i’ve been to a few soccer matches and curling games (lol) oh and baseball! I love going to baseball stadiums so much. 

What is the last thing you said out loud?  "wow” to my son who is watching mario mini games on youtube and yelling with excitement about it

What is your favourite ice cream? cookie dough or cotton candy

What was the last thing you had to drink?  water 

Do you like your wallet? i do not have a wallet. my credit card and ID are in my phone case, and then my healthcard and any cash i have (which is so rare) is in a little change purse in my purse. haven’t owned a wallet in 8 years!

What was the last thing you ate? almonds

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no but the clothing order i made like a month ago finally arrived so i feel like i did! haha

The last sporting event you watched? probably curling but now sports aren’t on so?

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? air popped with salt and butter!

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister 

Ever go camping? every summer we camp with my siblings and my parents at the camp ground i loved as a child. beach days? hikes? mini golf and ice cream? all good times. plus we eat a lot of snacks that we never buy all year so yeah its the best.

Do you take vitamins? so many. but only because i’m pregnant.

Do you go to church every Sunday? not anymore. now that covid is a thing i enjoy church in my housecoat every sunday without having to get dressed or see a soul. its awesome.

Do you have a tan? in the summer i tan a bit but my face is as pale as the moon year round haha

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza most often, but when i do want chinese food the craving is STRONG

Do you drink your soda with a straw? i do use a reusable straw to save the earth and my teeth. 

What colour socks do you usually wear? anything but white! colorful patterns

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? if i’m late for something i’ve been known to go 10 kms/hr over...

What terrifies you? lots of things, mainly dying and not seeing my kid grow up

Look to your left, what do you see? my son’s school work basket

What chore do you hate? cleaning the bathroom. gross.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? happiness. i just love australian accents, they are delightful.

What’s your favourite soda? ice cold coca cola

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus? i love me a good drive thru

Who’s the last person you talked to? my kiddo

Favourite cut of beef? i don’t really like beef, ngl

Last song you listened to? the saga begins by weird al. it was may 4th yesterday

Last book you read? the second harry potter

Favourite day of the week? i love sundays during the pandemic...nothing to do, no where to be. we usually eat popcorn for supper and watch a movie.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? no way my pregnant brain is dumb

How do you like your coffee? iced with a sploosh of milk

Favourite pair of shoes? my white converse!

The time you normally go to sleep? too late, between midnight and 1am

The time you normally get up? 9:30am (being laid off has reverted me back to my very bad sleep schedule!)

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

How many blankets on your bed? the top sheet, comforter and my weighted blanket

Describe your kitchen plates: white with a brown tree branch border with lil teal birds scattered about the branches.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? white sparkling wine I MISS IT SO MUCH

Do you play cards? not games that use a real deck of cards lol

What colour is your car? red (but like a nice red)

Can you change a tire? i wish i was an empowered woman that could but i have no idea how

Favourite job you’ve ever had? the job i am currently laid off of thanks to the pandemic - receptionist/counselor at a high school

How did you get your biggest scar? i was making a gift for my high school boyfriend, using a seam ripper and pushed too hard and boom stabbed myself in the hand in the soft spot between my thumb and forefinger. took FOREVER to heal all the way internally. at least that ex and i are still friends so its a pseudo fond memory haha.

What did you do today that made someone else happy? i bought cinnamon buns from a neighbour and lets just say the boys in my house are pleased!

I will tag @maplestreet @fatechica and @lucascsinclairs if you’d like to do this!