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a place in the sun

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no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

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HELLO?

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Ed and Stede sharing a sunset kiss at sea 🌅💕

A perfect prompt for @ofmdaction from the lovely @libroseitm 🥰

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Written for @tulipseason for their @ofmdaction Gotcha For Gaza prompt: "Stede picking flowers and getting loved for it instead of teased."

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contrary to popular belief, this is not homestar runner, this is rhys darby as a fresno nightcrawler.

(i promise i can kind of draw, just not lately.)

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anybody out there hiring gay losers. ideally a 100k/year salary and i work for one hour every day when i feel like it. thanks

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Stede is going to make the worst gaudiest sea glass mirror frame. Ed's going to love it.

My prompt was "something scenic" for ofmdaction on twt! Love getting to draw these two in their peaceful innkeeper era moments.

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unfunpleasures OFMD fic directory

I’m bad at using Tumblr now, but it feels like I should, at the very least, have a fic master post.

One-shots

Fig-ured Out: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated G; 1,526 words. Stede's online date doesn't show, but that doesn't mean his evening is a wash. A prompt fill for OFMD Fluffvember 2023 Day 7: First date | "It's pouring down out there."

24-Hour Pharmacy: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated T; 2,436 words. It’s New Year’s Eve and Ed is alone. Even better: he’s en route to the only drug store on this side of town that’s open all night tonight, and it’s after 11 and he’s risking life and limb (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration, but drunk drivers and weirdos abound on nights like this) to go grab a pregnancy test, some snacks, and a bottle of moscato (which depends on how the test goes) for his roommate Anne. Not like he had anything better planned, honestly– ordering takeout and watching TV with Anne had been his big plans for the evening– but it’s cold and dark and loud and he’s not super thrilled with how the night’s going. Then he meets someone in the snack aisle and he changes his tune a little.

It’s a Date: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated T; 2,769 words. Stede's a regular at the coffee shop Ed works at. They're both going to a party at Lucius', but Stede's bringing a date. Ed's bummed about it.

Help Me Make It Through the Night: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated E; 5,867 words. Ed’s a champion bull rider who’s just lost to relative-newcomer Stede Bonnet. On their respective drives out of Wyoming, a summer storm leaves them both looking for a place to stay. Written for OFMD AUgust 2024 Day 6: Rodeo and #OneBedWeek. (You can find the podfic here.)

Picking Flowers: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated G; 2,002 words. Stede decides to pick some flowers and gets caught in the act. Written for the OFMD Gotcha For Gaza event.

Longfics

Kings River, 1969: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated E; 33,155 words. Fresno County, CA, June 1969. The mighty Kings River runs through the San Joaquin Valley of California, beginning as snowmelt in the high Sierras and running over 132 miles down the valley to where it terminates near what used to be Tule Lake. Besides providing a haven for wildlife and fishermen alike, there are multiple powerhouses along its course, and it provides irrigation for over a million acres of farmland, including several dozen acres of citrus along the south bank of the lower river in Piedra. This was the domain of one Edward Teach: 29 years old, single, and trying his damndest to keep his criminal record from getting any longer. Ed works on a citrus farm along the Kings River and newly-divorced Stede Bonnet, fresh from Tennessee, has just taken a job as a horse trainer at the ranch up the road. Written for AU-gust 2023 day 14: place-based.

Stationary: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated E; 111,161 words. Edward Teach has made a massive mistake-- what's a few more? A Gentlebeard lovers to exes to lovers fic set in the modern era. (You can find the ongoing podfic here.)

SMAUs

Ask a Punk: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated E; ongoing. Ed Teach is a barista who lives at and co-runs a DIY space. Money is tight and times are tough, so when he literally runs into trust fund kid Stede Bonnet, whom he recognizes from the cafe as one of his regulars, at the local university, his housemates convince him to rope him in as a bankroll. Stede is game to help out, but it quickly becomes clear that neither has their mind solely on business. (You can find the Twitter thread here.)

Series

Drive Me, Crazy: Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet; Rated E; ongoing. California, 1974. Stede Bonnet is fairly new to trucking, which he started as a means of getting some time away from his failing marriage. He enjoys the time on the road, but he finds it a bit lonely-- that is, until he meets seasoned driver Edward Teach. Series includes (in order): Daydreams About Night Things, Drive Me, Crazy, Still Thinkin' Bout You, 'Till The Rivers All Run Dry (longfic), Home For the Haulidays (Christmas one-shot), Baby, It's Pure Love (Valentine's Day one-shot), and Here In Love (CJizzy one-shot).

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G'morning, Love

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💫 🌟 ⭐️ starry night ⭐️ 🌟💫

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet Additional Tags: Modern AU, Truckers, Alternate Universe - 1970s, PWP, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Rimming, a little pining as a treat, Laughter During Sex, Hotel Sex, Power Bottom Stede Bonnet, Bossy Stede Bonnet, Bad Jokes as Foreplay, Blow Jobs, Edward Teach in Wranglers, western wear, Extramarital Affairs, Smut Summary:

“You staying here tonight, then?”

Stede gently shoved his empty plate towards the back of the bar and turned a bit to face the other man, giving him a subtle once-over. “Well, I’d planned to just sleep in my cab and be off early tomorrow, but then I suppose I didn’t know I’d be running into an old friend,” he replied with a crooked smile.

“Well, then,” Ed chuckled, allowing his black snakeskin boot to tap Stede’s sleek white alligator one, “looks like you’ll have to come back to my room and have a beer so we can catch up. I’d hate to let you sleep in your cab when I’ve got a nice bed with plenty of room.”

“Ever the gentleman,” the other man replied, brushing his boot against Ed’s in return.

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Pulpy '70s trucker sex, Gentlebeard style.