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fantranslatorbychoice · 4 years ago

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Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Chapter 3 - The Village Hidden in Hyakumemomiji Part 2

T/N: Dang it, the last chapter left me hanging so I rushed this one with minimal beta. Well, I did my best with my skills, hopefully it’s OK. Also I have a lot of notes and I don’t really care if it’s annoying. Zero regrets lol

As always, I mostly didn’t translate some of the names of the ayakashi/youkai, as well as the proper nouns because uhm... They’re basically nouns. It’s like how some translated manga are done. Plus it irks me sometimes when everything just gets transliterated, it kills off the vibe. But that’s just me. Links to references at the end of the post.

Also if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just Google-translated this whole sh**.. You can rave about this, rant about this, but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. OK, I may have veered off-course too much, as previously mentioned in my older posts, the 2 seasons of the anime cover most of the plots of volumes 1-5, so if you need a review just rewatch them all. Part 2 starts now. P65 Leaving the large banquet hall where the altar was, we went through a wide passageway, and on the other side of the mountain's stone wall were traces of a solid view of various momiji leaves. We seem to be in a considerably high place, and it was a bit chilly. "The Kaku-zaru's obscured village was made by digging a hole in the wall of rock and making their dwellings there. The solid rock wall was decorated with a lot of momiji, and the passageway as well as the hole were hidden by the leafy branches, which lead to this place being called the Hidden Village." Nearby, Odanna-sama gave explanations to me. Certainly, when you look at the stone wall clearly there was a hole in the passageway. That, was completely hidden by flashy colored momiji. These momiji looked redder and shinier than the usual autumn fallen leaves. The strong wind blowing on my feet made me feel anxious and fluttery, the passageway looks very mystical. The entire place seems to glisten like a red jewel... P66 "The momiji within this vicinity, these are called the precious Hyakumemomiji that decorates the summit of Hyakumeyama. These branches, when burned emits a smoke that can be used to make one drowsy and sleepy." That time when I was taken here I smelled smoke, and that seemed to have happened when they took out a branch and burned it. No wonder, I therefore conclude that was when my consciousness was lost. But the matter regarding the bandits was also a serious thing. I told the Kaku-zaru that we will be preparing to use the piece of Hyakumemomiji as kindling, we will be using the smoke as they normally did. Aside from that, I also explained that the mountain apples were also needed.

"I may have suggested this but.. I wonder if it's really gonna work." After that, I was standing in the the village's kitchen that they allowed me to do my preparations in. The kitchen had a large, wonderful stone kiln, and aside from that there were also old stoneware and other cooking utensils. Odanna told me to make a lot of "recipes using the mountain apples." Because of that, the tactic is that we need to make the bandits eat a lot of the food. "I brought you these, Aoi." Odanna-sama brought his basket that was full of mountain apples, and went inside the kitchen. A while ago we were gathering them in the orchard, now it seems that we were using them to retaliate for the mountain clan. "Say, Odanna-sama. Are you sure that these mountain apples are just fine?" P67 "Ah, saying that, I wonder... If the Hyakumemomiji was used as an ingredient along with the mountain apples and it worked, it's going to be an additive that can easily make them drunk. The sleep-inducing smoke too, it's for that reason that we're using it." The liquor made out of mountain apples could also be added with a lot of pickled chips of Hyakumemomiji branches, but from what I heard from Odanna-sama and Rokusuke-san, that seemed to be an industrial trade secret. I could conclude that I have found out about it while we were talking about it. "Say, can't we make some mountain apple liquor here?" "That is Mizumakinouen's original recipe. I don't think we can make that here. But the bandits seem to like the taste of the liquor they already have here. If they drink that along with the foods, they would leisurely consume it, and your record with the Sea Treasure Appetizers will be surpassed. I want to use the Hyakumemomiji branches to cook the meals made out of the mountain apples--" "Hm, I see..." I bluntly responded with Odanna-sama's request, but in reality I was feeling excited inside. I wanted to try and use the mountain apples immediately. Such cuisines made out of mountain apples, it would feel really awful with those used on those bandits and their territories, but... "I get it. We'll waste no time on that but, what ingredients can we use here? I wonder what do those bandits like to eat up to now?" I looked around, and as I walked across the ashen kitchen, I found it. P68 "Stone pig...” At the entrance of the kitchen stood two little Kaku-zaru children, they brought in a basket. "Stone pig, our village raises and eats a lot of them." "They graze in the forest, and we feed them mountain apples and acorns. The bandits like them." The children wore masks that did not entirely hid their faces, but the corners of their eyes were hidden. "Really-- Stone pig. Don't tell me that the pig's head offering on the altar, came from this? Uhm, is it fine to use this meat, will you not have enough food left?" The children were nodding and nodding a lot, and I realized that their voices were adorable. "At any rate, I have no choice but to use whatever it is for the banquet tonight." "The respectable elder told us that this is for Miko-sama. He also that that you can use anything we have in this village." Inside the basket of ingredients that they brought, there was already a large lump of stone pig. The meat was lovely. Is this the boneless part? It was not fatty, it was just right. Raised by eating the fruits of trees, the nearest vibe that this pork gives off is the Black Iberian pig. There were also some eggs and what look like autumn mushrooms, sweet potato, and there were also a lot of vegetable staples. "Hm? What is this?" I fished out the other ingredients inside the basket. There was cheese, the surface of which was covered in tree ashes. It wasn't easy to find this ingredient in Kakuriyo, P69 but here in front of me, for me to use, I was suprised. "Hey, look at this Odanna-sama! It's cheese, cheese!**" "The dairy industry of the Northern lands have prospered, and because of that it is within their capacity to expand their cheese production methods. If there are those in this mountain who take care of livestock and do pastoralism, it's not surprising that they would be able to discover it." "Oh, so that's it, I see." For sure, the dairy products stocked up in Yugao were ordered from the Northern Lands, and the cheese that the room service in the Southern Lands were also delivered from the Northern Lands. "These cheese were made from the milk of mountain goats." "They're really tasty." The Kaku-zaru child took out a small blade from the bosom, and with a skilled hand sliced cheese from the edges, and offered them to me. I wonder if I have to deal with what's in front of me. But in reality, goat's milk cheese is not my cup of tea. It's smell was very different and unique from cow's milk cheese, and the acrid taste is strong. I was scared as I tried eating it. "What's this?" The goat's cheese had a ripe fermented taste, but it was melty and soft on my tongue. And the acrid taste that I thought it had wasn't there, it felt like it left a milky taste. T/N: Call Aoi a dumbass but if I got hold of some cheese after having none for a long time, I'd go gaga too lol P70 In the end, it was undeniably easy to eat. It was something that I haven't eaten up until now, and it was a bit different. "This.. Is this really mountain goat cheese? It's really delicious..." "It is also covered all around with the ash from Hyakumemomiji wood chips." "I take care of mountain goats!" When I said that the foods in the village tasted good, it made the children glad, and they gleefully started talking. In that situation, they were really like children, and they just look so cute. I couldn't see their eyes through their masks, but from how their mouths moved and spoke, their expressions were visible from their voices. "Thank you, the both of you. Let's succeed together in exterminating the bandits, ok?" I patted their heads, and when the children looked at each other, they went "The Miko-sama patted our heads!" and happily skipped off from the kitchen. The people in this village, somehow they were not quite seized by the bandits, but children are children... Well then, Our plan to drive away the bandits start here. Our strategy to eradicate the bandits is simple. Make them drunk by eating and drinking, then beat** them. That is all. My weapon is cooking, of course. I think I will just operate on the shadows with regards to the "feeding them" part. "With regards to this, what are you planning to make, Aoi?" "Oh, that, it's pizza." "Pizza? That pizza you say, it sounds like it's from Utsushiyo, is that Italian**? T/N: This isn't even a pun. The kanji is literally the kanji for beat, as in "beating a drum, beating them up", that stuff. Also don't ask me how did Odanna-sama even knew that pizza was Italian. No idea about that right now lol P71 "Yeah, I'm bringing that Italian thing from over there. Using the stone pig, this mountain goat cheese, and the mountain mushrooms, I was thinking of making a pizza based on my preferences. I could bake that in the large kiln, and use the Hyakumemomiji branches for that." I could use the ingredients in here, and bake a lot of pizza. There's also just enough flour, it seems that I have all of the the ingredients to make pizza. "By the way Odanna-sama, excuse me but, remove your outer coat, prop up the sleeves of your kimono with a cord, and I want you to help with the other preparations..." "The respectable elder has already given me instructions. If I can do what you're telling me then I will do just that!" Odanna-sama's eagerness is considerably at maximum. He must have reflected for a while now, and his nails were also shortened. This is probably his first time to be forced to help in cooking while in his commoner's look. "I'm thankful for that but... Ai-chan is also here, and it's OK to do other things." After that, I summoned Ai-chan from the pendant, and she instantly came out. Still looking like me, Ai-chan harshly proclaimed "I'm here now, Odanna-sama isn't needed anymore". While having a serious face, cold sweat started flowing from Odanna-sama's forehead.... "D.... Doesn't Ai have other homework to do? Weren't you supposed to be on a training on changing how you look, differently from Aoi?" "Other look? Why so sudden?" P72 Oh well, Ai-chan surely does have her homework but... "Here in Hyakumeyama, in reality I know that Ayakashi train up in this mountain. There was a great Youkai called Nue who exceedingly triumphed in changing appearances, and after practicing in this mountain it was able to learn how to change into it's hundreth form, hence the name of the mountain became Hyakumeyama.** Only Ayakashi with the power to change their appearances into humans have that status. They are displaying their power." "Really? I always thought that was strange. Why is everyone, despite having their original Ayakashi appearances, chose to change to look like humans? That proves the power of those Ayakashi, don't they?" "Yes. When you climb this mountain, there are many Ayakashi who are discovering what apperance they will change into. If Ai is here, it is also possible that the divine blessing of Hyakumeyama will grant you and let you gain information on how you will change your appearance. If you succeed in doing that here, you can also be allowed to work in Yugao." Ai chan placed her finger at the corner of her mouth and immediately started to ponder, and after a bit hit her fist on the palm of her hand. "I couldn't estimate fully what I should do. I see Aoi-sama's face everyday, which is why that's the only one I can change into!" "Oh my...." Definitely, that didn't seem difficult. I tried thinking along with Ai-chan too. T/N: The kanji that forms Hyakumeyama is hyaku=hundred, me=nth, like 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, nth. it's also the same kanji used for "eye". And yama is, well, mountain. At least now the reason why it's called with that name has now been explained. even I was wondering why it was like that. Nue is basically a chimera, look it up lol P73 "Oh, I see. If it's Odanna-sama and I, how about combining the features of our faces to make a new one? You see both of us a lot, since there aren't a lot of other people here..." After suggesting what I thought then, Ai-chan and Odanna-sama's eyes went all round as if drawn, and they looked as if they were taken aback. What the.. why such reactions? "Aoi-sama, part-way Odanna-sama, won't it?" "That's it Aoi. She's so much like our child..." "Whaaaaaat? Wh-- Why are you saying it like you're driving that in?" I could understand the meaning behind Ai-chan's and Odanna-sama's reactions, and in an instant I blushed. My face became horribly hot. "Oh well, that's fair Aoi. But that's a great idea. When Ai makes her original face, like that she can play up with a lot of what her eyes see, and among that it's the easiest. She's our daughter who combines and divides both of our faces, I wanted to see myself a bit too..." Odanna-sama put up a calm and composed demeanor, but my face was still burning all throughout. "Don't think about weird thoughts, Odanna-sama..." "I won't, I won't..." I took a huge step back, and Odanna-sama was lightly shaking his head left and right. Ai-chan was murmuring "Hmmmmm" as the corners of her eyebrows wrinkly drew together, and she looked alternately at Odanna-sama's face and mine. P74 "When you do this, there's a bit of merit, OK?" Completely looking at our faces over and over again, after a while she left the kitchen in an instant. Ai-chan was probably going to practice morphing her appearance outside. "I'm going out for a bit to look for it myself!" "Ah--- Ai-chan! Chibi, look out for Ai-chan. This is an unknown place and she might get lost..." "Okaaaaay." Chibi was hiding inside my sleeve, jumping and squirming he went out from there, using the different folds and layers of the fabric to get himself out. After that he left to follow his younger sister-disciple. "Ai-chan, I wonder what appearance she will debut for us..." "You have also outrageously asked Chibi to look after her.." That seemed somewhat a parental thing to do. The dead air calmly flowed through, it's because the cooking must be done. "Well then, Odanna-sama. You're in charge of making the dough, ok? Over there by the stone cookware, add the flour and oil and a bit of water, mix them one at a time. When they're all incorporated together, pull out that tray and please knead it for me." I taught Odanna-sama the basics of making and the quantity of each, and left him to do it by himself. P75 "Haha. I remembered the time that we did this kind of work together. When the Tengu had that feud at Orio-ya, kneading this dough has that feeling." "We aren't making Japanese dango soup here, you know." The pizza dough that we're making right now is just simple. We aren't using dry yeast. It's fine the we aren't fermenting, that would make a crunchy and thin pizza. After that, Odanna-sama gave me all of the many dough balls that he made, and now I have to prepare the ingredients for the toppings. There will be two types of pizzas. The first will be sweet pizza, using the bandits' favorite sweet potato and mountain apples, along with the cheese. "The first one will be a decoy. Because they only ate nothing but mountain apples, we will use the first pizza to pull them in through their hunger. After giving them that sweet apple pizza, everything else should go smoothly." "Ohhhh.. Luring them is ingenious. As expected from Shirou's granddaughter. And that, is my wife." "Ehhhhh, keep quiet, Odanna-sama--" It was indeed a crafty tactic, and I continued explaining my cooking plans without hesitation. "In Utsushiyo because there are no fixed ingredients used, there are teriyaki pizza and grilled meat pizza, and we can combine those to make a Japanese-style pizza. According to the leaflets on the pizza delivered to our house by the delivery people, the most famous was grilled meat pizza, which had the highest ranking." P76 "Ohhhh! There was time I travelled in Utsushiyo, I ate some Italian pizza, it has cheese and tomato sauce and some flavoring they called basil, and because of that I couldn't imagine an image of a Japanese-style pizza." "Pizza Margherita is undoubtedly the king. If there's tomato you can make one easily..." But right now, we have no choice but to make delicious pizza with the ingredients that we have in here. To make the Japanese-style pizza grilled pork will be used, and the stone pig's boneless meat will be used. Boneless pork, mountain-grown onions, I was thinking of maitake** mushrooms and then cutting each one. The boneless pork makes it easy to eat. The onions will be sliced small and thin, and it's appropriate to shred the maitake. "For the sauce, we'll use the usual soy sauce and mirin, sugar and sake, grate up some garlic and ginger, mountain apple juice, miso, then add some red chilli peppers, it's going to be a sweet spicy sauce for the grilled pork..." We're fighting against bandits. It seems that rather than high-end tastes, they prefer flavor that restores their stamina fully. We have achieved the task of adding mountain apple juice. On top of that it's fruity, and the spiciness gradually seeps out, as the expected outcome. The boneless pork gets stir-fried on the stoneware frying pan, and as it cooks the sauce is incorporated. It has been properly browned and cooked well-done when the lovely shiny color comes out. This only takes 10 minutes to deliciously cook the boneless pork. This is also a fiendish pizza topping. "Aoi, these are already kneaded sufficiently." I thought that for quite a while now, Odanna-sama was being a grown-up, encouraging himself quietly while making the pizza dough. T/N: The maitake mushrooms are also called hen-of-the-forest, they look like a whole clump of tall-stalked shrooms, their root-like structures are so close together that they grow together. Yeah I am familiar with the shroom and other things about the fungi industry, thank you. P77 There were so many rounded doughballs. "Oh wow, really, you made so many doughballs, Odanna-sama. That's very good!" "Aoi praised me! Alright!" Odanna-sama closed his fist and pulled it back, like he made an achievement. "Now that's done we let the dough rest for a bit. We have to let it rest for at least 30 minutes in this low room temperature." Despite being tired, Odanna-sama wrapped the dough in some cloth and placed it in a warmer place inside the room for me. "Alright, next is the preparation of the sweet pizza.** It's an apple and sweet potato with cheese pizza." "Would the sweet potato and apples go well with the cheese?" "Well now, Odanna-sama. It's a bit snazzy, they normally go well together." I sliced the apples and the sweet potato thinly, and soaked each in a bit of water. After that I arranged the cheese on the dough and baked it as it is, once the dough is done I can't do anything more than that. "Whew. That concludes it." We have to make a lot, but the toppings that Odanna-sama and I made together, we earnestly used them all. "Aoi-sama--- Odanna-sama--" T/N: Not a fan of sweet pizza. I tried a smore pizza once, maybe that one was a bit OK, but seriously not a fan. Sorry sweet pizza slash pineapple pizza fans. I'll go Margherita any day lol P78 In here, Ai-chan's cheerful voice reached our ears. "Could it be...?" "Could you have achieved changing your appearance by yourself?" Odanna-sama and I looked at each other, and we sprung out of the kitchen. "!??" Over there.. Over there, there was a black-haired beauty with a short haircut! "Didn't you just entirely placed everything in Odanna-sama's taste?" The only thing that I contributed to this was just the femaleness, and what's left in front of me is the likeness of Odanna-sama's beautiful ogre daughter. Be that as it may, she is a girl about 14 years old, her facial expression is cheerful and spirited, but there wasn't much vibe of Odanna-sama's boldness. Regarding her nature, she has the feel of an individual having a personality. "I saw Aoi-sama and Odanna-sama and gave it a thought. When a child that looks like Odanna-sama is born, won't that child be very happy?" "Ai-chan, come here for a bit." "Owww oww owww--- Aoi-sama--- Please don't pull on my ears--- Aren't daughters said to look like their fathers?" My obedient disciple seems to have gotten refreshed. I'm in a mood to polish her crude language. P79 Her kimono has red and green camellia flowers in a black background. When I looked at her face closely, her eyes had my eye color... Oh well, I guess that's OK. "Hee hee hee. I see it now, you have become our child, Aoi and I. Hee hee hee." "Odanna-sama, don't delude yourself, and don't show me that desperate face." But Ai-chan's transfiguration was superb. Chibi, who was with her blinked with surprise and went " I don't know thisssssh child", and he seemed to be unused to the new appearance of his younger sister-disciple. "Alrighty then! Let's make pizza together!" "Hey...." A human girl and a distinguished ogre-god, an ogre-fire girl and a Temari Kappa. All of the employees have come together, and the rested pizza dough was dusted with flour and stretched over a tray. That pizza dough was made by Odanna-sama, who was in-charge of it. "Heyyyy, you're really good at it, Odanna-sama--" "My experience with it has increased! From now on I want to fully become a master who can help with tasks. Today's Odanna is sharing the house work with the wife and listening to her!" "If everyone in Tenjin-ya saw you right now, they're all going to cry..." Nails trimmed, stripped off of his majesty and villainous vibe, becomes delightful whenever he gets praised... Even though in the beginning he had a scary ogre aura, right now the Odanna-sama in front of me is somewhat like a newbie Odanna. I conclude that without knowing anything he's doing his best.** T/N: This is painfully true, when you're just starting your first job or work, you just do it and give it your all, like the enthusiasm is at its maximum. Well, ignorance is bliss so.. yeah. Can't say more lol If you know, then you know. P80 But, even though Odanna-sama seems to be enjoying helping, it's somehow not bad. After this we will be making the bandit-exterminating pizza. Unexpectedly he seemed to have grown to become a good Master-san... No, no, the Danna-san** that I'm with, I couldn't distinguish between them. Well then. I arranged the ingredients I have prepared before, over the dough that Odanna-sama stretched. With this Japanese-style pizza, cooked pork marinated in sweet and spicy sauce, chopped onions scattered all around, and loaded a lot of the maitake on top. Because there's perilla leaves, I used them as replacement for basil and spread them as garnish and to make the taste come out as Japanese-style. On top of that, I asked Ai-chan to make some home-made mayonnaise and thinly add this over everything, and after that he baked it. We're excited to find out how this will go. In making the sweet pizza, just like before, the thinly-sliced apples and the sweet potatoes were arranged alternately. On top of this, a lot of the cheese was evenly and generously placed. While preheating the stone kiln in the kitchen, I peeked at the shelves to find out what is in there and fish out whatever those are. "It seemed like they didn't have honey. After baking this, if we're adding honey before eating it will make it really yummy." "Aoi, there's some Hyakumemomiji honey, you know." T/N: She called him Danna-san instead of Odanna-sama because he was young-ish and looked like a plebe lol

Honestly by this time I am still questioning whether or not the hours I spent watching food network, masterchef episodes, any cooking show since I could remember, were all worth it. Right now, maybe? Maybe not? I'll probably find out when I'm done with this series. Lol Yuuma-sensei's story makes me hungry waiiiiii

P81 Odanna-sama was searching in the cabinets in here, and found some honey for me in the spice cupboard. What is this Hyakumemomiji honey.. What kind of stuff is this? "Wooow, it looks like it tastes like maple syrup. Yummy--" "This honey's sweetness is not strong. It's a good product. This is also my first time to try eating it." We tried tasting this stuff that we found, and it was impressive. I would want to buy some and take it home regularly... "Well then, would you want to try one baked piece that we used regular chopped wood as kindling? Let's try it, let's do it." "Ohh, that sounds good." And like before, we tried eating the pizza that we all made together. Even though we were doing this** because we're going to exterminate bandits. Inside the hot, stone kiln were two types of pizzas baking. When the pizzas were done baking, we pulled them out of the kiln, and like a triangular fan**, cut them into slices. The grilled pork Japanese-style pizza has white Welsh onions for toppings. The apple and sweet potato pizza with cheese was entirely drizzled with the Hyakumemomiji honey. "Ohhhh, it looks good." "Let's try some. This part that looks like an earlobe, pull it away and eat it with your hands." Odanna-sama ate the Japanese-style pizza, and Ai-chan tried the sweet pizza, each pulled a slice with their hands. The triangular pizzas were still piping hot. They started biting these from the pointy end. T/N: Honestly I want some pizza right now. Talk about subliminal programming. Dang it lol But really, it’s normal to taste what you’re cooking unless you could nail it without testing the taste first. I sure can’t lol I don't know what shape Byakuya's fan is, but the kanji says triangular so even though one side isn't a straight line then that's it lol. P82 "Hmmm, the grilled pork had a strong and defined flavor. The garlic and soy sauce goes well with the crunchy and plate-like dough. This is probably something that the bandits will like." "This is awesome, this is awesome.. Aoi-sama, the cheese is stretchy---" "Gah, the toppings might fall, they might fall down---" The pizza's taste was the best, and it seems that everyone was having fun while noisily eating it. The cheese was a stretchy and melty thing... "Hmm?" At the entryway the Kaku-zaru children seemed interested and glancing at us repeatedly. For sure, they liked the smell of the baking pizza. "You guys want to eat some?" "Is... Is that fine?" "Yes, of course. You can certainly try some." Scared of the pizza, the children poked at it lightly before pulling them with their hands. After seeing how I did it, they copied what I did and each took the pizza slice, propping it up with both of their hands as they bit on it. Their usual expressions were hidden by their masks so I couldn't see their eyes, but their chewing mouths gave it away. They were silent, but they were licking it as they ate. P83 "It's delicious. Stone pig. There's so much meat sauce." "I was surprised. This is the first time I ate a plate." "What you call a plate, it's pizza dough." Even though they seem uninterested and surprised, when they said that it was delicious, I was happy. Finally, I could try some for myself.** Yeah, the Japanese-style pizza, I ate the thick grilled pork covered with white Welsh onion together, and the greasy taste and texture was halved. This goes really well with the crunchy pizza dough. It looks like it will go well with liquor. I tried the sweet pizza too, I took a bite, and the puffy and flaky sweet potato, the crunchy baked apples, being incorporated with the melty cheese, this gave off a vibe of luxury. When a lot of the Hyakumemomiji honey was used, when this was eaten, despite the contrast between the cheese's saltiness and the apple's sourness it becomes more enjoyable. Indeed, it's like a cheesecake made out of rare cheese, it's an enjoyable taste. "Feed all of these to the entire village." "Even though they haven't eaten something that tasted like this?" Grumbling and complaining, the young ones reacted with lack of sophistication. "Isn't this going to be used to defeat the bandits?" And then, there was a bit of tension in the air. T/N: Not sure if this is a cultural thing or a universal thing but in some cultures, it's traditional to let others taste your cooking first before the one who cooked it. In some cultures the one who cooks tastes the food first before serving. I just do both, the former when I am absolutely confident with whatever I made, the latter when I have no clue how it goes. Again, this is a cultural thing, nothing is more OK-er than the other, it depends on the circumstance. P84 Oh, so that's it. They thought that this food had poisoned apples. Probably, the food that the bandits were interested in must be showed first. When we get notified that the bandits have arrived, we will mix in the kindling from the Hyakumemomiji branches, and bake the pizza. We definitely won't want to inhale some of the smoke, so we will tightly wrap a cloth around out mouths. When the bandits have finally arrived at the reception hall, we will bring in the pizza.

The celebrations and the banquet were in that hole in the rock, the reception hall where previously there was an altar where I was worshipped. Holding the freshly-baked pizza, from the back I peeked and looked around the reception hall. "They're... they're huge..." The bandits were an Ayakashi called mountain men, and I could just imagine that their builts were above average, they give off the feel of robust soldiers. Speaking of their height, everyone could easily surpass two meters. They think that they could immediately intimidate this entire reception hall. The small-statured Kaku-zaru couldn't instantly hit them with a long sword. Even I would get easily overwhelmed by them. "Hee hee, well then, it's time to round up some bandits!" Nevertheless, Odanna-sama was not saying anything that indicates that he's faltering. This looks different from the Good Danna from a while ago, now his face looks like he's aiming at the targets. It looks beautiful and exciting, Odanna-sama now shows the smile of a wicked oni. P85 Me standing by, I was was always surprised with this gap.

"Boss-dono, we have captured the nearby mountain. It was a total takeover." The boss of the Ozuma-gang was a guy with ruffled hair tied in a single ponytail, and the unkempt beard surely gives him that impression. While drinking some liquor, he was attended by countless beautiful girls. "Hey, Old Geezer Monkey! Enough with the pretentious talk. Bring us more food and wine! Our stomachs have shrunk!" The bandits' evilness and anger echoed. After that, they consumed and exhausted the food and liquor in the village, and they definitely got drunk. Goodness, their bodies are huge, and they heartily ate and drank, they'll easily get to the end of the stored food. The Kaku-zaru instantly became worried and anxious. "Because of that, I beat the entire Miguma-clan** of the neighboring mountains, what do you say, I think finally beat those bastard bears! In the afterlife you can't strip them off of their pelts, now they’re gone! Gahahahahahaha! Since they're a laughing-stock now, I can laugh at them and brag about it! "Kyaaa-- Boss is so manly!" T/N: Yes, like I explained in the last chapter, compounding words in Japanese changes the 1st syllable of the second word. In this case, it's kuma=bear, becoming GUMA after adding the prefix. Based on the kanji it's literally Snake-bear gang. P86 "Isn't it? I don't know anyone who can beat me yet!" "Yes, as expected of Boss!" "All of these mountains will be the territories of the Ozuma-gang!" The minions and the women all vigorously praised the Boss, and raised their liquor cups. The boss seemed to be in an awfully good mood. "H-hmmm. I am proud to be the Northern Lands' strongest mountain man! Pretty soon I will be the man who has dominion over all of Kakuriyo's mountains!" "Kyaaaa-- Boss is so cool!" "All of my women be happy! Gahahahaha!" Goodness, they are that guy's HAREM. The Boss clings to the women's thin kimono all over, and it seems that they earnestly praise him, and nobody can tell if they're likely to feel itchy. "Odanna-sama, do you think that you're jealous of that?" "No. When I look at that, I don't remember Shirou that way." Ah, even in Kakuriyo Grandpa was like that. I get it now. "Besides, even though things seem to be this way, I am single-minded. I only want to love just one person and give all of my love. How about being my wife, Aoi?"** "Odanna-sama, you really had to bring all of that up now, don't you?" T/N: Honestly at this point, Aoi should just wed the poor guy. I mean, srsly. Or maybe I just stan them b/c they're great together. Also it's effing canon lololol if you're gonna ask me why, because I ship myself with Ginji wahahahaha Also get ready fam-fans, things are gonna get whirly from here gahahaha P87 Odanna-sama suddenly thought of something, and hit his fist as he went "Oh, that's it", and with a pop transfigured his appearance right here. Wha------ A voluptuous beautiful lady with straight and black hair!** When placed with Ai-chan side by side, they'd look like sisters. "Odanna-sama, you can change your appearance into a woman's?!" "Hee hee. Ginji is not the only one with this specialty. Well, I rarely have a chance to change into a woman." Odanna-sama drew a reddish arc in the air, and an evil smile appeared on his face. I touched and clung on that Odanna-sama. Yes, he may be tall but still a girl. "I've seen those girls that guy likes. I wonder if it's a good idea if Ai and I will deliver the pizza all around.. Aoi, you watch everything from here." "Ehh, but I want to go too." "It's out of the question. You're a human girl. You understand the reactions of the Kaku-zaru, don't you? With regards to human girls, the Ayakashi know the value of their existence. If the bandits found out, it's bad." "B-- But..." "Aoi." Odanna-sama crouched down a bit, stared at my eyes, and made me hear his words. "Aoi, because you're a good girl, listen to my words here." With his hand, he lightly touched my forehead. It was such a cold hand. But his strong intention got sent to me directly , and without saying anything I could only agree with him. T/N: I told you guys, it was gonna get saucy from here. Even I was shocked. I ain't complaining though. Bring on the fanart lololol P88 When he told me to go back, he listened to my selfishness, and allowed me to stay here. That is why when he made his point, I thought that I should listen to him.

"Ohhhh, what's that? That's a nice smell!" "Our stomachs are already shrivelled up! Hm.. A woman?" "Hey, hey there, aren't you super gorgeous---" The bandits have smelled the pizza, and their interests have been piqued greatly. Not really, more than the pizza, it's probably Odanna-sama scene-stealing beautiful womanly look, and it seems that they're aren't wary of the pizza because of it. "An ogre-girl, eh? Such a fine jewel you are, what are you doing here in the Kaku-zaru's village?" The Boss watched Odanna-sama (the beautiful girl) from head to toe, and the bottom of his nose stretched out. That seemed to have also made the ladies of his harem feel offended. That considerably set them in a bad mood. "Us ogre sisters got lost in the middle of the mountain, and we were taken in as prisoners. For sure, we're going to be tributed to the Boss." "Ohhh, aren't you tasteful, Old Geezer Monkey? That's too bad though... But, what's that round serving tray? I want to see that now!" "This thing is called a pizza. A cook from Utsushiyo brought this kind of food here." P89 The luxurious food was explained exquisitely by Odanna-sama. With a more-or-less husky voice, Odanna-sama captivated everyone as they all stared at him in fascination. For a guy, I think he's rather good. "Please, please, help yourselves--" And in the middle of that, Ai-chan cheerfully hustled and bustled about, delivering the pizza to the bandits. The cute and cheerful Ai-chan expertly goaded and egged them on, and with the delicious smell of the pizza wafting, the mountain man did not refuse. First, the Boss took a bite of the stone pig pizza. "Mmmmm..." The Boss's facial expression blatantly changed. "Wh.. What is this? It's... Delicious... This thing on top of the tray... You dare to place a large chunk of meat on it. Most importantly, the flavor you added is groundbreaking. I may have been the undisputed ruler of the Northern Lands' mountains, but I haven't eaten anything with this taste." "Ehhh-- Boss, we want to eat some too..." "Well, you wait all of you. This food was made by the mountain men." Well, not really, that's food from Utsushiyo. I quipped as I hid in the shadows. Odanna-sama also served some pizza to the girls. They didn’t seem to like that the Boss was sniffing the beautiful girl, but without losing interest in the pizza, they eventually held their hands out. P90 "Please have these too. These are sweet fruit pizzas." Odanna-sama surely pressed on offering the sweet pizza filled with apples and sweet potato. Regarding that, it was our intention. "Sweet? Isn't that unmanly food?" "Hee hee. Don't say that. This has.. A fascinating flavor.." Fascinating... when Odanna-sama (the beautiful girl) uttered that word it was rather polished, and with the pizza's alluring color and smell he took it with his hands in bewilderment. "Ohhh... This is certainly... Fascinating.." The baked apples were crunchy, and the sweet potato was fluffy. And with the stretchy and melty cheese, these all go well with the Hyakumemomiji syrup, without knowing nobody would say that they're feeling bad. Even the girls, going "what's this, what's this," more than the Boss were all entranced with the sweet pizza. "Wahhhh--" "!?" That's it. After a bit the apples' poison have started to take effect, and everyone who ate the pizza had been struck by sleepiness, and also that timing a Kaku-zaru child was pouring liquor all around, and everyone's who was drinking the liquor sank and fell down forwards. Somewhat, everyone fell due to the liquor, the bandits, the Boss, the harem of ladies. P91 "Ahhh..." The scene in that place froze. The adult Kaku-zaru held their heads without thinking. That kid, it was the kid that brought the ingredients to me in the kitchen. In that small place, I couldn't move. "Uhhhrghh... I thought all of you adult-ish Kaku-zaru were boring because you weren't resisting, but apparently you brats have no willingness. Thankfully, that's energizing--" After that the Boss's condition got better, and immediately the veins popped on his forehead, he was extremely taking offense. "You shitty brats!!!" "Go Boss! Kill the brats in anyway!" The bandits spat out violent words, and the Boss got spurred on. Evilness flowed. The hunch I didn't like happened. The Boss stood up, and drunkenly hurled the pizza tray with force, and decidedly raised his fists to beat the child. "Stop it!" My hunch was right. Without faltering I ran out, revealing myself and hugged and protected the child. Even though Odanna-sama told me to hide. P92 Even though he was resolute in landing a punch, when the Boss suddenly saw me appear, in a nick of time he stopped his fist. "!? What is this... Looking at you closely... Aren't you a human girl?!" I wonder if I'm feeling uneasy. This is the first time the Boss saw me with a bewildered and surprised look on his face, but as expected he guessed right. The other bandits decidedly reacted "Wh-- What?!" The Boss eventually laughed showing his teeth, and the fists that stopped instantly opened and grabbed my collar, and like that he pulled me up. "M--Miko-sama, Miko-sama!" The Kaku-zaru children were on the verge of tears as they reached out their arms to me. Kicking and violently struggling while hanging in mid-air, my usual powers were nothing but unusable. "Haha--- We have met a human girl in a place like this! You'll fetch a good price! No, in any event you should be my unusual maidservant? For you see, you are my spoils." "Hey--" "Hm?" The Boss's interest got stolen from behind him, a scary and mysterious aura started wafting out. The clamour came from that empty space, from the silence instantly came out a reply. "You, get your dirty hands off Aoi!" P93 "What the... Who the heck are you?" While still holding me in the air the Boss turned his head around, Odanna-sama in front of him opened his eyes wide. "You... didn't refuse Aoi's food..." The Odanna-sama in his girl form, while still in the Boss's line of sight started swaying slowly side to side and warping, and in an instant returned into the usual ogre-god. As he came out standing, he was wrapped around in his aura. He had a cold and piercing gaze. Everyone realized that he was an extraordinary being. "Wh--" The Boss's greasy sweat started to spread, and laughed with his teeth out. He could only laugh. "I have seen you before... You bastard, you're Tenjin-ya's Master!" "You knew it right away... Therefore, I wonder if you realize it. You said that you haven't met defeat, now I will show you what's called defeat!" With his dubious smile, Odanna-sama soundlessly appeared and stood where I was, and forcefully grabbed the Boss's wrist and tightened the grip. "G... Gwahhhhh!" The ogre-fire from the Boss's wrist entered into his body. He was screaming in pain as he was burned, and and the same time I was released by Odanna-sama and he gently held me in his arms. P94 "Are you alright, Aoi?" "Uhmm.. Yeah.." After looking at me with a gentle smile, Odanna-sama's cold facial expression returned, and glowered at everyone else in front of him. With his deep-red eyes, looking like blood rushing in, he can frighten anyone. Normally, that's something that someone like him does. But.. Why is that.. In that time, I couldn't think of being especially frightened. "This.. This is unacceptable!" "How dare you do this to the Boss!" All of the minions simultaneously stood up with swords in their hands. At the worst possible time, a brawl might start... "What the...?" Everywhere everybody started staggering. Oh, I see, the apples just started to kick in. It seemed that we chose the timing OK.. With a thump, without warning were were surrounded by countless standing black shadows. They attacked from in-between the bandit's tall physiques, and without pausing toyed and pushed their opponents around.

"Odanna-sama, we have just come to see you right now." Whirling around, with his light green hair he dashed out. P95 It was Tenjin-ya's O-niwaban guards, the Kamaitachi ninjas. "Whew. We have just completely suppressed them." Around his mouth a long scarf hung, and it was obviously the O-niwaban's ace, Sasuke-kun. All of the bandits, mostly everyone had no fight left, in an instant had been stopped, and all around me they have fallen down. "That was splendid. Our O-niwaban sure are strong--" "Eh, how did Sasuke-kun and everyone did it? Ehh.. How did they... They fell down one by one when you told them to, Odanna-sama?" "Ah, yes." Holding me gently, Odanna-sama slowly put me down.** "I previously told them back in Tenjin-ya. Because there was a growing problem in the Northern Lands, I sent out the O-niwaban in secret. There was one person in the village who got hostaged, and we waited for the time when they could simultaneously get hold of them, which was when I saw that the timing of your food's effects came." "I see. That's good. No one got hurt." I anxiously looked at the kid that I protected, we were separated for a bit in that time. But the kid smiled instead. For sure, this was a very frightening experience for all of us. "Well then, one matter has been resolved. Let's tie up the sleeping bandits with heavy ropes." After that, it was the O-niwaban's turn to take them back to jail in the land of Ogre's Gate. T/N: After all of these events, I dare you all not to go whoooo and mushy at how much of a gent Odanna-sama is, to Aoi. I DARE YOUUUUUUU lololol But then again, maybe he wanted a date as well as do some anti-bandit work so... Meh. Still whooo wahahaha asdfgjkukdf;gjg P96 From a fruit orchard date, it enigmatically changed 180 degress into contributing to bandit-suppression in a day, all in one breath. Truly, this is one panic-filled day. "Miko-sama, Miko-sama!" Just as we were leaving, the kid that I protected came running on all fours towards me, and gave me a jar. "This is for Miko-sama." "Hm? Whaat is this?" "That's Hyakumemomiji honey... Because I heard you saying that you wanted one." "No way! That honey? Wahhhh I'm so happy!" I was quite happy, but that kid seemed to be really happy too, and my mouth drew an arc. "Miko-sama, you have saved our village. You're a real Miko-sama!" "It's Aoi. My name is Aoi. But well, it isn't bad to be Miko-sama in one day.." I stooped down to meet the child's eyes. I couldn't see his eyes through the mask, but through those small holes where pure and innocent eyes peeking, and I spoke gingerly. "There are still some unbaked pizzas in the kitchen, ask for an adult to help heating them in the stone kiln, so all of you can eat. It's already nightfall, don't use branches of Hyakumemomiji to burn them, OK?" "OK!" It's a wonderful thought that I was able to feed everyone in the village delicious pizza. P97 Though this was somewhat more difficult than the usual cooking scenarios, it was good that we were able to help people and restore the world's order. "....." The old respectable Kaku-zaru, as well as everyone else again, bowed their heads as they sent us off. Until the end I couldn't capture their figures, the clan has a mysterious aura surrounding them, but if someone gets into this hidden village again, they would surely want to tell the story of what happened today. Right now I do not have the image of a Miko-sama, I am just Yugao's Aoi. "Alright, let's go back to Tenjin-ya, Aoi." "Ohhh, right." We returned to the ship and rode back to Tenjinya, in the middle of the night the sky has cleared up and we proceeded to pierce through it. "Ahh..." From the wooden deck of the airship, I could see the far and distant, countless ogre-fires lighting up Gintengai during this time. And through that, I could see the tall Tenjin-ya floating up high. It's surely a sky-scraper. I found silence in the beautiful night scenery. Somehow, I recalled that time when we returned to Tenjin-ya from Orio-ya. Returning to Tenjin-ya, I thought that I was but only happy... "What is it, Aoi, would you want to come inside? The autumn night's probably cold..." T/N: OK Fam-fans, better hold onto your seats lol j/k no not really P98 "Say, Odanna-sama?" "Hmm?" This timing, there was something that I wanted to ask Odanna-sama. For a long time, even though I wanted to ask him, I couldn't. "Odanna-sama... That uhm..." That time when I was young, the story about the Ayakashi who helped me. Odanna-sama faced me, I used all of my strength to ask him. "Odanna-sama, that thing, have you asked Ginji-san about it? That story when I was young. Ginji-san... Brought me some food, that an Ayakashi was connected to my circumstance..." "Ah, that story.. Yes, even before that I already know..." I saw that Odanna-sama's eyes only flickered for a bit, and it seems that he's flatly going to refuse answering. "Say.. Odanna-sama... Could it be that you.. In some way, have something to do with it?" "...." His lack of reaction continued. I only glanced up at his face fleetingly. Odanna-sama's feelings were unreadable and his face was cold, but while staring at the twinkling ogre-fires from far away, he curtly said "I wonder..." Clearly, that was an ambiguous answer. P99 "If you knew that, Aoi.. What will you do?" "If I knew, well, that I uhm..." "You possess a strong sense of responsibility, Aoi. As soon as you get concerned over an Ayakashi, you take on anyone else's burden. That is why... I do not want you to bear the burden that I already have." "You're saying that..." What does it mean? What is Odanna-sama saying right now? "I wonder why you wanted to know that, but I, do not want you to know about that." "...." Odanna-sama's words, unexpectedly stung and stabbed my heart. Again, I was surprised by that. "I... Only wanted to know... About Odanna-sama.." And, those were the words that went out of my mouth. "Just a little at a time..I am not scared, of Odanna-sama..." "...Aoi?" Not scared. It was something from my heart. I want to know more about you, now. T/N: Me: I have no hecking heart, I have no soul. Also me: ouch my heart my kokoro brokoro T_T I feel you Aoi, I feel you-- Also guys, some fun facts about how I did the translations here, once a girl (or an uke, however you like lololol) starts calling her special other ANATA, you know that things are going down the serious path. Like this is the first time she didn't refer to his public name, it's a Japanese or Asian thing, probably, like when you start calling someone pet names, but in this case she dropped the Odanna-sama in her head monologue and started calling him ANATA, like a WAIFU. Shit's going down guys, I might cry after I do this. DAng it, so much for having no heart. Excuse me while I wipe the stuff that ninjas cutting onions made me do. P100 For the first time, I consciously thought that Odanna-sama wasn't scary. All around him Odanna-sama scares everyone, but I was entirely not dreading him. I was thinking of something good to say about that change. I probably started to trust Odanna-sama. That outward appearance, I couldn't trust it, but I wanted to raise my convictions even if I don't know. Odanna-sama always helps me. While in the shadows, in those times he casually gives me kind advice. But, despite all that, there's still a thread of mystery about him. Among everyone in Tenjin-ya, I understood him the least. "That face, don't give me that, Aoi." While I was shaking, Odanna-sama engulfed me with that huge body. In some way while wavering, he cradled me gently. I was so surprised that my body stiffed up in an instant, I took a long and deep breath, and a long while after talking, the strength from by body was zapped out. I wonder why, in that moment I got flooded with tears, yet I thought that the warmth felt good to abet my horrible mood. "I was shocked by your honesty. I was sure that for a long time I have scared Aoi, and I thought other than that there were no other feelings. That is why, you telling me that you wanted to know more about me, from the bottom of my heart, I am joyful." T/N: dammit ninjas cutting onions not now TT_TT P101 "...." "You sure are a changed person, aren't you?" A changed person. That, was Odanna-sama the same? I don't understand everything at all. Truly, what do you think about me? "Because I have become happy now, even when I jump down from this ship I'll surely live!" "Wait... why are you playing dumb about this now?" It was already all mushy and gooey, but why did he spoil the mood? I pushed myself off Odanna-sama's chest, and I glowered up at him with bulging eyes. Why is he always playing around with important matters like this? I didn't get hurt, but why on earth do I wanna hide myself? "Now, now, Aoi. Don't make that scary face." "Until a while ago I was crying. I will give you a scary face, Odanna-sama." "Sorry, Aoi." I looked at Odanna-sama's troubled yet laughing face, and well, I just gave up. Surely, Odanna-sama's not going to say. Anything. About. Me. Why? I don't know. With regards to that person when I was a child, from my endless conversations with Ginji-san I was thinking surely that there weren't other stories beyond that, and I couldn't be frank about it now. P102 Too bad. But I think that there's no way to ask about that now. I thought that I wanted to know about it, but it was probably just my own selfish wishes. "But, Odanna-sama..." "Hmm?" "Thank you, for today. Didn't you save me from the bandits? You grabbed that huge guy, that was really a bit terrifying." "Oh my, it's because I couldn't imgine that you'd be taken away by that brute. You running and dashing away to protect that child, it was so you, and that's really scary. It's because your human body is so different from Ayakashi, so frail and brittle." "Isn't Odanna-sama so overprotective. I think that is definitely more like having a granddaughter than having a wife, isn't it? But today, you're a bit cool." "R.. Really?" Odanna-sama's cheeks blushed with delight. Usually he sounds so mature, but right now that personality gap seems to have increased. "Because of that, this date has been so much fun. It gets perfect points for the thrill, and I was able to cook as much as I wanted, and I gained a really good item." P103 I wanted the person that I was with, to understand, and I let him know my feelings first. I smiled frankly, I don't want to have a sad nor scary face anymore. "..." Odanna-sama looked a bit surprised, and for a while didn't say anything back. In an instant, he touched my face, the thrill wasn't there immediately, but I drew my eyebrows together and smiled a tiny smile. "Aoi, you're also awesome. And now, you have smiled."

I still don't understand a thing about Odanna-sama. I don't know his favorite things. I don't know his name. I know nothing about his past nor his upbringing. I don't know, if he hides something, if he's involved with the incidents from when I was young. I need to know how to erase all of these.

If I'm going to do it, I wonder how can I get a little bit more closer to him.

End of Chapter 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 2 Next - Intermission 1

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

#kakuriyo no yadomeshi #kakuriyo no yadomeshi volume 6 chapter 3 #kakuriyo no yadomeshi fan translations #kakuriyo no yadomeshi english fan translations #kakuriyo no yadomeshi volume 6 chapter 3 english fan translations #kakuriyo no yadomeshi volume 6 chapter 3 fan translations

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jean----ralphio · 4 years ago

Text

IT’S BoB LIVEBLOG TIME

Episode 1 is under the cut!

Warning, I swear a lot... and am very in love with RSJ so a lot of this was just me pointing at the screen and screaming RICH and then remembering you can’t see me so writing it down...

Episode 1: Curahee! Curaahhee? Curraahhee? I can’t spell so I’m renaming it Ross is a punk bitch

Buckle up my babies, this will be a carcrash!

00:01 Here we fucking go aw yis

00:11 Aw who’s this? I wish they named the gentlemen at the start of the episodes, I wanna know who is who :s

00:25 Shifty, is that you my angel son?

00:41 OMG you guys… these men are breaking my heart </3

01:06 Lord, men were committing suicide because they couldn’t go to fight? That mentality… man. Oh my God, you angels. Babies.

01:36 No jokes allowed, every man is <3

01:40 Now that I’m humbled and we’re all well and truly miserable…the credits, ugh, my heart. The score is amaziiiing. Some of the footage is actual war-time footage, I read, which is a brilliant touch.

02:01 DICK <3

02:13 DICK’S HUSBAND <3

02:18 RSJ’S NAAAAAME

02:27 JFC this music makes me so emotional. Look there’s Matthew Settle’s face. That makes me emotional too

02:48 Ah it’s Roe <3

03:48 I’m trying to pick them all out in the line-up but I can’t tell who is who. Are we supposed to be able to? There’s a short one in the middle, is that Harry?

03:49 I’m not drunk enough to handle this

04:10 Upottery? Ah it’s so English I love it. That’s not a name! Wtf is up with English place-names, you guys have the weirdest names. Upottery? Seriously? Is it only potters that live there? I’m so confused

04:22 Close up of Roe! Perfect. I approve.

04:32 Is that the guy from Line of Duty? I think it is

04:39 Lip <3

04:44 Ew. GTFO Cobb. He doesn’t even go here

04:47 IS THAT RICH? RICH. ILY. ILY RICH. Please note that 94% of this will be a Rich-watch

04:53 Lieb stop. I am sure you are not a certified hairdresser

04:56 RICH. SMOKING. SMOKING RICH. More like smoking hot do you see what I did there?

05:20 I can categorically say that I love Joe Toye. I do. I love him. But every time I see Kirk Acevedo, all I think of is Charlie my baby from Fringe (awesome show, please watch it). And I just. Charlieee <3

05:39 Aw. They’re so sad

05:55 They’re so despondent. Guys. It’s fine

06:05 Fassy?? FASSY!!

06:18 God Damien is pretty

06:25 Nix that’s not how you flirt

06:57 Lol at Dick noting its happy hour. Thinking about taking Nix on a date, are we? I bet you are. Now THAT is how you flirt!

07:24 OMG the fucking flirting! GUYS. “And give up all this?” NIX SAYS AS HE CHECKS HIM OUT

07:37 Yeah, Nix, you’ll take him ‘to Chicago’ huh? Is that what they call it nowadays.

07:44 Do you want to be that cigarette? ‘Cos there is nothing heterosexual about that lingering look, Dick

08:18 ‘Murica time

08:25 Ross, fuck off. Nice jacket though. “You PEOPLE are at the position of attention” ugh GTFO. Dick’s sideye tho lol

08:52 NGL Ross does a great job at being super unlikeable

09:05 Noooo you don’t want it with Johnny Martin. You wont win. Yeah, walk away Ross

09:15 Careful around Lip too, or Speirs will materialize out of thin air and snap your neck

09:33 RICH. Don’t be scared of that douchebag, baby

09:43 What kind of question is that, there is nothing Lieb wants more!

09:50 It’s weird hearing Ross swear tho

10:26 Don’t argue with Johnny, baby. Also Roe OMG <3 Shane is freaking fit

10:43 Wow Lip is ripped

10:48 Oh no, poor baby. Lip leave him be ☹ </3

11:10 LOL I just noticed the drum by the door. It says ‘butts’ and it took me a seconds to realise it was for cigarettes. I am an adult (31-year-old married woman). I’ll laugh at the word butts if I want.

11:11 RICH

11:18 Lieb omg lol

11:39 RICH BABY NO! FUCK OFF ROSS! LEAVE HIM ALONE OR I WILL HAVE SPEIRS CUT YOU

11:52 I can’t take Ross seriously in those shorts. Hi-ho GTFO

12:07 Ew fuck off running up that, I’d just nope out like nah babe imma go chill with that sweet baby back in the butts cabin

12:18 Aw Dick <3 The juxtaposition of Dick as a leader compared to Sobel who sure he might be honing them into something formidable and skilled but he’s an asshole. He’s not a leader. He’s a bullying, abusive scumbag. Dick is an actual leader who protects them and supports them and encourages them and IHAVEALOTOFFEELINGSOK

12:43 You don’t deserve that sick jacket, Ross. Seriously. That is a boss jacket, I want it

13:04 Have they not stopped fucking working out all this time? Ugh

13:23 Oh good, Dick gets a boss jacket too. He deserves it.

13:30 I wish people had to ask me for permission to speak.

13:53 I just. He. I can’t with Dick Winters, you guys. I cannot. I have lost the ability to can. Like they’re so upset and tired and low and just with that little joke he boosts their morale back up from where Sobel fucking beat it down into the mud and makes everything lighter and they laugh and are less tense and I just. Fucking love you, Dick.

14:00 Is that my angel son? I see you Shifty, love you baby

14:03 RICH. DON’T TOUCH MY RICH.

14:07 Oh my God, address them yourself you weirdo, Ross. They’re right there, you’re right there! I had a colleague that used to do the same, would get me to speak to my employees for her when they were right there in front of her like… ‘can you tell x to do y for me pls…’ … I was like wtf you know you CAN talk to them… you won’t catch poor just by speaking to people lower down the pecking order

14:22 Fassy! Wtf they’re not supposed to drink? Dehydration is legit one of the most dangerous things, how tf can you turn them into high-key supersoldiers if they’re dehydrated? How is this man so dumb? The guy in front of Fassy tho omg. I bet Fassy’s boss wife Alicia Vikander won’t like her husband being treated that way… she’s so badass tho right?

14:26 He’s so dramatic! Ugh

15:11 Piss off omg

15:24 oh my DVD flipped its shit here, only picked back up at 16:30 don’t @ me

16:52 RICH WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO YOU RICH

17:21 Shifty my angel son

17:46 so sweet

18:04 Sink, babe, no he is the worst, stop

18:20 LOL no, he’s jel as fuck babe

18:32 NO FUN ALLOWED. Im sorry, that tie is so ugly

18:44 Simon Pegg??!!

18:51 Ross is so dramatic God shut up. it’s not a conspiracy, weirdo

19:10 “It’s a can of peaces, sir.” Iconic.

19:11 Dick’s tiny smile is equally iconic.

19:17 SHUT UP ROSS

19:44 He wants to be punched, I think, like he’s goading them. The sick fuck.

20:47 DON’T TRUST HIM, DICK!

21:02 ROE <3

21:31 Hoobler, aw <3

21:37 I warned you not to trust him, boys

21:54 Ah boys, oh no

22:04 RICH. Kick him, baby

22:17 Bull, punch him, seriously

22:24 Oh Luz <3

22:26 Yeah GTFO, suck it, bitch

23:06 Who is this? Fella’s hot

23:40 RICH. FASSY. WEB. TAB.

24:19 Suck it, Ross

24:30 Real footage?

24:41 Lol you suck Ross

25:23 RICH. SMOKING RICH.

25:26 Bill omg

25:45 Perco, baby, no. don’t talk to Johnny Martin. Don’t look at Johnny Martin. Don’t so much as think about Johnny Martin. He will fuck you up with his gaze alone, baby

25:56 Ah Luz

26:06 OK. That’s hot. Joe/Charlie don’t be hot. It confuses me

26:42 Winnix being husbands in the corner

27:42 YOU’RE in the wrong position, dumbass, it’s no one else’s fault

27:46 Dick’s come to save the day

27:56 Ross knows nothing omg

28:05 RICH. Even my Rich is confused, Ross, you dweeb

28:20 Lol at Dick dropping down ready for a fight

28:36 Fassy isn’t happy. That means Alicia Vikander is coming for you. Joe/Charlie is definitely not happy. Lip is upset. Think about your life, Ross, think about your choices. You know you’ve failed when Roe is judging you

28:57 Nix is like lol where tf is the alcohol tho

28:59 Harry! Harry is here! But yes, baby, you’re interrupting the husband’s foreplay, leave immediately

30:00 Lol at the Nix vs Ross staredown. Nix won

30:17 RICH. GUYS IT’S RICH

30:33 Do it, Lieb. Drop the grenade. Just don’t upset my angel son Shifty

30:40 He is a literal angel. Don’t corrupt him Lieb

30:59 Nix is having another crack at flirting. “Going my way” so suave omg. Omg stop. No wait don’t

31:09 “I’m not the intelligence officer.” Neither is Nix half the time babe let’s be fair

31:14 “If I told you I’d have to kill you.” Nix is getting better at flirting! He’s been attending flirting 101 classes it seems

31:40 They’re legit such husbands prove me wrong

32:00 He’s not joking, Dick

32:06 Harry’s like oh yay yes please

32:11 Lol Nix

33:03 Ugh. Men. I feel like that hold smells so bad.

33:09 RICH. Naw, Rich is sad he’s missing out on the flamingos.

33:32 Joe/Charlie you deserve a day to commemorate you tbh. I love you.

33:46 “My brother’s in North Africa, he says it’s hot.” Bill is iconic.

34:34 Lieb, honey, don’t, please

34:49 I feel you, random hot guy. Tipper?

35:05 Eyyy this place is nice, let’s all move there.

35:17 Shifty, my angel son, my baby <3

35:26 Yay, Harry gets a boss jacket too!

36:22 Mum and Dad of Easy. I’m low-key living for Lip’s little worried faces.

36:33 THAT JACKET IS SICK AS FUCK I WANT 20

36:38 The fence is there, Ross, because you’re so fucking dumb

36:51 Guys, look, cows

37:06 He’s fucking useless. Hi Simon Pegg.

37:22 RICH

37:25 This whole scene gives me life and waters my crop

37:31 RICH <3. YOU GUYS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. RICH RICH RICCCCHHHH

37:42 Poor Tip is so done

37:58 Simon Pegg is so confused

38:04 Good job, Tipper, I’m proud of you and your pretty face

38:10 Iconic

38:15 Keep it together Tip

38:54 The hand signals, no, I’d be like BABY. WHAT. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU WTF. I’d last like a millisecond in the military lmao. Does my country even have one? Tbh probably not. Us Kiwis are too chill, cbf’ed with anything. Too busy watching rugby, drinking, and sulking that we can’t afford houses cos our housing market is fucked. But at least we beat Covid *shrugs*

39:06 ILY, old guy. You are the best thing in this episode, aside from Rich

39:22 But wait, there’s more weird Americans hopping out yo’ bushes

39:26 “Bloody hell!” Mood

39:47 “You’ve done it now, yanks, you’ve captured me!” He is such a mood. I love him.

39:54 FUCK OFF ROSS. “Would that be the enemy?” “As a matter of fact, yes.” DICK IS SO VALID I LOVE HIM THIS IS ICONIC.

40:25 Be free, moo-cows

40:40 LAMO GET WRECKED

41:00 Guys imma be straight with you. I’m on my third whiskey lmao.

41:10 Simon Pegg, please refrain from being a douchebag. Leave Dick and his husband to flirt in peace.

41:23 I love how Nix is like instantly suspicious. He knows.

41:39 Worried husband

41:45 “Misspelled court-marital.” Iconic

42:14 Ross, why you lying? So threatened and jel that you gotta lie omg.

42:50 God Damien is freaking hot. Guys.

42:57 Punk bitch Ross.

43:22 Dick is so BDE. It’s fucking hot.

43:30 Ross is shooketh tbh. Punk bitch.

43:36 AH! IT IS HIM! THE GUY FROM LINE OF DUTY S5!

43:50 That underbite must have hurt FJH a lot omg so committed.

44:02 Hey Lip <3

44:09 Johnny Martin has absolute BDE

44:22 God they’re willing to be killed just to not follow Ross. Same tbh.

44:57 This whole scene is BDE.

46:00 But Sink has the most BDE let’s be honest

46:44 The respect for Dick. Even after what they just went through. I AM EMOTIONAL.

46:58 He’s so worried like omg what have my troublesome sons done now

47:09 ROSS WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING??

48:09 Weak

48:24 Yeah, fuck off back to ‘Murica

48:34 Legit, can we acknowledge Ross did a great job (the actor). Really really well done, one of the best performances on the series tbh.

49:48 LMAO GET WRECKED PUNK BITCH

50:06 Dick just wanders about a lot on his own, huh?

50:50 What? What? I understand nothing of what the cockney guy is saying.

50:55 Me too, Hoob, the fuck.

51:00 RICH I SAW YOU

52:19 “Never put yourself in a position where you can take from these men.” Don’t omg I can’t, Dick, I’m weak, I can’t deal with these fucking feelings.

52:36 DAFUQ

52:40 OHHHH I get it. Right. Dick, you’re so smart. It’s a little sad they have to do all that just to get some answers and guidance but tbh it’s probably fair? Gotta be top secret so punk bitches like Ross can’t screw things up.

53:30 Hey Nix. Speak French to me any day.

53:48 Unf.

54:08 LMAO Lieb, how many cigarettes do you need!

54:10 NGL I paused here for a little while.

55:05 We could ALL use some brass knuckles, Joe/Charlie. Mood.

55:25 LOL Lieb is so nosy.

56:15 Oh no

57:00 Luz LMAO

57:10 Oh babies

57:13 Bill LMAO that’s not ice cream, yuck it looks like soup

57:28 God. All that effort. Not just logistically but emotionally, mentally, psychologically, to prepare, just to have it put off. Fuck.

57:38 That movie again. Poor boys.

57:47 That’s actually a really smart move, Johnny.

58:41 Oh no. I would lose it completely. Oh Bill </3

59:11 Naw, Dick dawdling around again

59:49 RICH I SEE YOU

1:00:08 AAAHHHH IT’S TOO CONFRONTING DON’T

1:00:48 NOOO I CAN’T aw Bill

1:01:09 Naww

1:01:16 RIIIIICH

1:01:20 It’s like they’re kiddies on a field trip and Dick is the teacher wrangling them lol

1:01:47 Lol their crap is so heavy Dick has to help pull them up. That’s actually really sweet.

1:01:51 I wish I could hold Rich’s hand

1:02:08 Oh God. I can’t. Like he’s helping them up BUT IT’S ALSO HIS WAY OF SAYING GOOD LUCK AND GOODBYE AND HAVING LIKE A MOMENT TO CONNECT WITH EACH OF THEM I CAN’T LIKE THE EYE CONTACT NO DICK STOP

1:02:19 LMAO at them having to shove each other into the plane

1:02:23 That look between him and Roe. Ugh. Like. You two gotta take care of your boys together. Brotp

1:03:22 Can someone explain the block on that guy’s helmet to me?

1:03:55 I’m sad. And scared. This series is so confronting. I’ve watched in annually since I was like 16 and I’m still so nervous for them.

1:05:37 Rich, I see you! I recognized his chin lmao

1:06:16 God, Dick be careful

1:10:00 This show. The feels. Every time.

#band of brothers #liveblog #episode 1 #Currahee #sp?#rsj #richard speight jr

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cutie1365 · 4 years ago

Text

A Kid from Queens Part 18

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: Language

A/N: I’m so slow I know, sorry. I’m starting summer classes next week, so usually I get more ideas and write more when I’m procrastinating school work lol, we’ll see what happens.

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

After your encounter and reconciliation with Peter, you felt like you were on cloud nine. Nothing could wipe the smile off of your face. You stood in your bathroom brushing out your wet hair after a relaxing shower. It had been a long day, but in the end it was worth it.

You were looking forward to a good night's sleep, after rushing off to D.C. at 4am and running around all day, you’d earned it. Just as you were moving towards your bed, wearing only a large Stark Industries t-shirt and underwear, you heard a knock on the door.

You chuckled, could Peter really not wait 12 more hours to see you? As you moved towards the door, the thought did cross your mind as to why he wasn’t using the balcony like the last few times he’s dropped in unannounced.

“Miss me already-” You smirked as you opened the door, the words falling out of your mouth stopped abruptly. Your eyes widened as you realized it wasn’t Peter standing before you.

“Thomas! What are you doing here?” You asked in shock. He’d never been here. Hell, he wasn’t even supposed to know the address.

He pushed his way inside, stumbling slightly. As he passed you, the smell of liquor wafted off of him, assaulting your senses. He placed his hands on either side of your arms to steady himself.

“You shouldn’t be here.” You tried to shove him off.

“Why’d you do it? Why’d you have to ruin everything?” He slurred, his eyes drooping as he spoke slowly.

“What are you talking about?” You asked forcefully.

His hands moved to cup your face. You immediately grabbed his wrists and ripped them off of you.

“I could have given you everything.” He kept stepping towards you, causing you to continue backing away from him. Your hands were out in front of you, acting as a barrier for him to keep his distance.

“I’m not having this conversation with you Thomas. You need to leave.” You warned him although you weren’t sure how convincing your threats were. Your back hit the wall as he closed in on you.

His hands hit the wall next, landing on either side of your head. One moved to slip down and around your waist.

“I just wanted you.” He mumbled into your ear.

You shoved his chest as hard as you could, throwing him off of you. He stumbled back, struggling to maintain his footing. You saw his demeanor shift, he was angry now.

“You never wanted me. You wanted my last name! You wanted an armpiece to impress your father!” You spat, venom in your voice.

He grimaced at the mention of his father, only causing his anger to spike.

A loud bang suddenly came from the window. It drew your attention for a moment, you turned your head with brows furrowed towards the balcony. You couldn’t make out what caused the sound through the tinted glass.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Thomas rushing towards you. Panic consumed you, your fight or flight response kicking in. You pulled your elbow back, slamming your fist into his face before he could reach you. He reached for his nose, blood beginning to gush out, you knew that meant it was broken. As he stumbled back, he slipped, his head slamming into your granite countertops on his way down. His body fell to the ground with a thud, lying motionless.

You slapped your hand over your mouth in shock. What have you done?

“Is he-?” You couldn’t manage to finish that thought. Your breath wavered and your hands shook, as you hoped the AI understood your intent.

“Pulse detected, unconscious, likely concussion.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said and you breathed out a sigh of relief, “Boss, Mr. Parker is at the door.”

“Let him in.” You whispered, still in shock, staring at Thomas’ unmoving body.

The lock on the balcony door clicked before sliding open. A flash of red and blue moved out of the corner of your eye, rushing towards you. But this time you weren’t afraid. Suddenly you felt warm arms embrace and envelope you, pulling you into his warm chest.

“Are you alright?” Peter asked, gently lifting your head until your eyes met. He looked you over for any injuries.

“I- I thought I killed him.” Your voice shook as a tear rolled down your cheek. Peter cradled your head and pulled you towards him once more.

“What happened?” Peter asked, rubbing your back, trying to soothe you. You pulled away slightly.

“I don’t know. I went to open the door, I thought it was you... He was drunk, he pushed his way in, he wasn’t making any sense.” You tried to explain, Peter nodded, glancing back towards the unconscious body on the floor.

The room was silent for a moment before you gasped

“Oh my god, Peter, you can’t be in the suit. What if he wakes up? He was already suspicious.” You dragged him into your room. Pulling open a drawer on your dresser, you tossed some baggy Stark Industries sweatpants at him. He pressed the spider on his chest as the suit went slack and slid off of him.

You turned your head towards the open door, where you saw Thomas begin to stir.

“Shirt?” Peter asked, your eyes never left Thomas.

“No time.” You breathed out, rushing back into the living room, a shirtless Peter behind you.

Thomas’ eyes peeled open with a groan. His hand moved to touch the back of his head.

“You bitch.” He growled, feeling the sticky wet blood between his fingers as he made his way to his feet.

He looked up slowly, stopping when his eyes landed on Peter.

“Who the hell is that?” He pointed behind you.

“I told you, you shouldn’t be here.” You warned, stepping in front of Peter.

“That’s not the guy from the papers, that’s a new guy.” Thomas tilted his head, he must have been referring to Harley, “You fucking whore.”

You felt Peter ready to launch beside you, and stuck out your arm to stop him. You couldn't let him get involved in this, especially with the investigation going on.

“I won’t ask you again.” You warned, his jaw flexed as he huffed and slowly moved towards the door.

He pulled open the door and stopped in the doorway. He couldn’t just leave, he had to get the last word in. He turned back slowly, only his eyes didn’t land on you, they landed on Peter.

“Fuck her while you can, it’s about all she’s good for.” He smirked and turned as he saw Peter's jaw tighten and fist clench, Thomas slammed the door before Peter could retaliate.

Part of you though Peter was going to run out after him. Another part of you wanted to let him.

“Peter calm down.” You reached for his arm, gently wrapping your fingers around it as he turned back to you.

“Calm down? You’re just going to let him talk to you like that?” He growled, you’d never seen him this angry.

“Look at me,” You placed your hands on either side of his face, “He’s not worth it. He’ll get what’s coming to him, I promise.”

He froze for a moment, before his features softened and he ducked his head, exhaling.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You asked, seeing if the AI had done what you suspected she would.

“Security has already been notified, boss, he won’t make it out of the lobby.” Her thick Irish accent rang through the apartment, Peter looked up to you with wide eyes, and you smiled almost to say ‘See, I told you’.

“Update Entry Authorization to include Mr. Parker.” You smiled at him, rubbing your hand up his arm.

“Done.” She answered.

“I’m sorry.” Peter muttered.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. Now come on, let's get you a shirt... I can’t think straight.” You chuckled, making him smile.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

You sat on the edge of your bed with your legs tucked under you as Peter slipped on the shirt you gave him.

“What made you come tonight?” You asked quietly, thinking how opportune it was that Peter showed up. You weren’t sure what would have happened with Thomas if he hadn’t, and you really didn’t want to know.

“I had a bad feeling.” He answered, ominously.

“A feeling?” You asked curiously, how did he know?

“I get this... I don’t know. It’s like this sensation before something bad happens, like I know it’s coming. I can sense it.” Peter tried to explain.

“You knew something bad was going to happen to me?” Your voice wavered slightly as you asked. If Peter hadn’t shown up, was Thomas going to hurt you?

“I can’t really explain it...I had the same feeling that I had the night of the gala. I just, I couldn’t let something happen to you again. I mean- I know you can handle yourself but-” Peter began to ramble, you reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Thank you, Peter. I’m glad you were here.” You smiled.

Peter moved to pick up his suit that was piled on the ground and began to fold it neatly.

“You know I’m gonna have to put that tracker back in your suit.” You raised a brow, causing him to whip around with wide eyes. Of course you knew what he did.

“Oh, um, ha.” Peter tried to smile innocently.

“You give her a name yet?” You ask with a smirk.

“Who?” He asked with furrowed brows.

“Your AI.” You answered plainly.

“Karen.” Peter admitted, placing the freshly folded suit onto your dresser.

“Cute... Better than ‘suit lady.” You smirked.

“How did you?” Peter’s jaw dropped.

“How do you think I found you?” You raised a brow.

“You went to DC?” Peter asked, surprised.

“I went to Damage Control, then the Washington Monument. Guess I just missed you.” You explained.

“I’m sorry.” Peter muttered, when he realized you must have been driving around all day looking for him. It’s not exactly a short trip to DC.

“You did what you had to do. It was stupid and reckless, but without you your friends wouldn’t have made it.” You said, remembering what you overheard the first responders say earlier that day.

He looked somber, almost guilty, as if the thought had already crossed his mind.

“I’m still mortified your Aunt saw us, by the way.” You smiled, changing the subject.

“She’ll never let me live that down.” Peter laughed, shaking his head at the memory of Aunt May gushing in the car, giggling like a schoolgirl.

“Should I be expecting an interrogation tomorrow?” You chuckled, but knew it might actually happen.

“Maybe.” Peter smiled.

“She doesn’t know does she?” You asked, softly.

“No, no, it would kill her. Ned’s the only one who knows, and that was an accident.” You nodded as Peter spoke.

You reached for his hand to bring him closer, he took it and you pulled him to you. He stood in front of you, as you sat on the edge of the bed. He moved his hands to cup your face, pushing your hair out of your face and he looked down at you with a smile.

“Is your dad going to kill me?” He asked, half joking, half serious.

“No, I’ll talk some sense into him. And if that doesn’t work I’ll have Pepper slap some sense into him.” You smiled, as Peter brought his lips down to yours.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

You laid in bed, wrapped in Peter’s arms as he gently stroked his fingers through your hair.

“Aunt May’s gonna think I’m a bad influence if you’re always spending the night.” You chuckled, looking up to him.

“I told her I was going to Ned’s.” Peter reassured you.

“What about patrols? Do you say you’re going to Ned’s place or do you just sneak out?” You asked, you’d always wondered.

“No, I wouldn’t want her to wait up worrying about me. I leave after she falls asleep.” Peter explains.

“You never worry that she’ll find you missing?” You raised a brow.

“I guess it’s worth the risk. I’d rather get grounded for sneaking out than let people get hurt each night out on these streets.” Peter shrugged.

“New York doesn’t deserve you Peter Parker.” You shook your head smiling.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

Any and all feedback is welcome and encouraged :)

Taglist in reblog, masterlist and link to join taglist in bio.

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itzagothamcitysiren · 5 years ago

Text

Welcome to the Family

So here’s the newest installment in my batman series :) I’m super excited for this one, especially with the response from my last two stories. I’m so used to using sites where the community is dead lol. This is very refreshing and motivating. I already have four out of the seven chapters written out!

There's a Web That You Have Wove pt. 1

The one good thing Halley Wilson could say she’d taken away from her father was the ability to function on a minimal amount of sleep, a skill she’d never really had to put in action up until recently. The months flew by as she grew accustomed to her new life in Gotham City and she soon found her body adapted to the schedule she found herself repeating day in and day out that would be overwhelming to any other regular civilian.

She couldn’t believe it’s already been nearly six months since she took up Bruce Wayne’s offer to become his newest crime fighting protégé. The time flew by as she spent night after night pounding her fists into the scum of Gotham’s underbelly. Although she wasn’t nearly as popular as Batman, or even Robin, she’d already started making a name for herself. People started whispering her name, criminal’s starting to turn the other way if they saw her jumping from building to building.

It took some training to learn how to fight less lethally, learning that it was okay to pull back some punches here and there. It was tough for her at first, her first instinct always having been to take down her target as quickly and efficiently as possible. But she knew she if she wanted to work for Batman she had to adhere to his rules. Justice, not vengeance, he always said.

She grumbled, staring down at her textbook as she remember him repeating the phase last night on patrol. He hadn’t directed it to her, rather his other sidekick, Robin. Halley remembered the agitation Jason felt as Bruce laid it out for him once again as they reached the Batcave after another vexing night. Their weeks’ worth of tailing a smuggler had been thrown out the window and even Halley could help but feel some short of way towards Jason for screwing it up. She did believe though that Bruce went a little bit too far when he decided to bench Jason for the rest of the week.

They had followed their guy to an abandoned apartment building, and after a few painstakingly boring hours of recon for the two teens, who’d been itching for a little action, Batman decided it was time for them to make their move. They leapt to the opposing building, sneaking in from above and quickly and silently began clearing out the complex.

There were a couple dozen of guys and what appeared to be hostages, confirming that Batman’s hunch was correct; this was one of the safe houses for who people in Gotham merely called Stan the Pimp. His name made it pretty obvious as to what his career choice was and normally Batman wouldn’t interfere, leaving minor (minor to Gotham’s standards) for the cops to deal with. But when he caught wind of Stan taking his trade further, dabbling in adding children to his line up, Bruce knew the Batman was needed.

Jason showed a particular fire during their little raid, jumping ahead of Batman and Nightshade once they came across the room filled with the missing kids. Nightshade tried going after him but Batman ordered her to stay with the children until the police came, Alfred already sending out a signal for Jim Gordon of their location. Nightshade held the room, immobilizing anyone who tried to enter the room with her poisoned darts. They were non-lethal of course, but naturalizing agents she and Bruce cooked up, her wanting to start incorporating her name with her whole gimmick. If Batman could put the word bat in front of everything he owned, she could have a couple of poison darts here and there.

It wasn’t until the ride home in the batmobile did she realize something was wrong between the two. Batman was usually stern and quiet after a long and successful night, but there was something off about him. Especially the look he gave Jason when he took a seat in the front next to him. When they arrived back home it was than when her feeling was proven correct. She thought she’d be the one struggling to take it easy on the criminals of Gotham, knowing how kill a person in at least a hundred different ways, but she’d yet to have an incident of going overboard.

She had learned however that Jason was an entirely different story. He had no limits, Bruce’s lessons still not drilled into his head somehow. He pushed Bruce’s buttons as hard as he could, always seeing how far he could go in a fight. He hadn’t come close to killing someone yet but whereas Bruce fought to solely subdue, Jason fought to send each criminal he punched to the hospital. Which was were their guy ended up last night.

“”You shattered his collar bone!” Bruce had shouted as they began to settle into the Batcave.

Jason scoffed, rolling his eyes as he ripped his domino mask off. He saved those kids lives that night, he didn’t care if their captor was now knocked out in a prison hospital bed. “He’s a child trafficking-pimp. I didn’t think I had to prop up some pillows before taking him out. He was going to shoot me.”

Halley watched the pair, Bruce moving to almost get in his face. Halley looked at her feet, giving them a moment as she excused herself to get changed out of her costume. As she walked to the changing area the Batcave had, she overheard Bruce’s strict voice, “We needed him. Not all the kids were accounted for! He would’ve talked, but you put him into shock.”

Halley played back the conversation, completely not focusing on the words coming out of her teacher’s mouth. She’d remembered Jason’s discouraged face he wore all morning and couldn’t help but feel bad. As Alfred tried talking to Bruce about last night’s disaster, Halley had tried talking to Jason as they walked the halls into their first class but he just shrugged her off and said he was fine. She hadn’t seen him since, hoping that he hadn’t skipped and get himself into more trouble with Bruce.

Slamming her textbook close as she heard the bell ring, she began shoving it into her backpack. She was starving and wanted to get to the cafeteria as soon as possible to try and beat the lines. Her pathway out of the room was blocked immediately though and she groaned, looking up to glare at who prevented her from exiting the classroom. Inwardly groaning again and mentally rolling her eyes, she tried plastering a fake smile on her face, but she was too tired to try that hard.

In front of her stood Sam Bennet, the girl she had shadowed when she first started at Gotham Academy. The black haired girl smiled at her widely, holding her phone up for Halley to see. The vigilante looked at the screen, unsure what she was looking at. It was some Facebook event page. Sam proceeded to excitedly point to the screen, opening her mouth to talk, “I tried inviting you to this but I couldn’t because we aren’t Facebook friends.”

Halley bite the inside of her cheek as the girl spoke. She tried walking again, and the girl followed. Ever since she saw Dick dropping off and picking up her and Jason from school a few weeks back, Sam had been practically begging without verbally asking to become friends with Halley. She’d tried with Jason but Jason wasn’t as polite as Halley, and kindly told her to fuck off. The crush she had on Dick was unbearable now, and even someone as polite as Halley had noted her patience was running short with all the pestering.

“I don’t have a Facebook.” Halley muttered, hoping that the girl would finally get the hint. Alas, she pressed on, not skipping a step and keeping up with the brunette.

“What? How do you survive?” Sam gasped appalled. She waved her off after she was done gaping. “Regardless, I wanted to invite you to the party I’m throwing this weekend. My parents are going on a skiing trip and I’ll have the whole house to myself so you know, party!” She laughed obnoxiously, already taping away at her phone again. “I’ll text you the address, you can head over around seven!”

Halley rolled her eyes, as the girl looked at her phone. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, angry that the girl had managed to get her phone number. They’d been paired up for a presentation in their English class last mouth and they had to exchange numbers in order to keep up to date on their progress with the project. She nodded, having no intent on going but didn’t want to give the girl anymore reason to carry on this conversation. Halley sneered at the back of Sam’s head as she walked away, throwing a wave back at her.

Turning down the hall, getting closer to the cafeteria, she nearly screamed when she was pulled backwards and into a classroom. Jerking her arm away as the door closed, her eyes looked enraged as she looked up to face her kidnapper. Her gaze turned into a glare as she saw Jason standing in front of the door, closing it and locking it.

“What the hell, Todd.” She growled along with her stomach; she just wanted food.

Jason smirked at how miffed she was and crossed his arms against his chest, with a roll of his eyes. Taking a step back he reached for his backpack he left on the empty teacher’s desk. Unzipping it without a word he pulled out two brown bags, the familiar logo softening Halley’s face while bringing a smug smile to Jason’s.

“Caroline’s?” She gasped, taking the bag he outreached for her. Opening it she found herself a burger and order of onion rings from what had become her favorite diner in Gotham City. Dick often brought her and Jason there whenever he was in town. Popping an onion ring in her mouth she nearly moaned at the greasy treat before narrowing her eyes back at Jason. “Don’t tell me you skipped to go get this?”

Jason merely reached into his own bag and pulled out his own meal, leaning against the desk with a shrug. Halley gave him a disappointed look before letting her backpack fall to the floor. She watch him as he took a giant bite out of his burger, signally that they were apparently eating in the abandoned classroom. He was probably hiding from the principal and didn’t want to get caught with the food. Letting out a sigh, she moved to take a seat at one of the desks, too hungry to argue with him about it.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, stuffing their faces with the unhealthy foods, trying not to think of the look of disappointment Alfred would be giving them if he saw what they were eating. It wasn’t until she was halfway done with her burger did she look up at Jason again. He sat on top of the desk, clearly still upset about last night as he barely ate his food. She gulped down the last few bites that were in her mouth and lowered the burger.

“Are you okay?” She sighed, breaking the silence.

Jason nodded, even though they both knew he was lying. He was still extremely hurt by Bruce benching him yet again. It was like Bruce was regretting letting him be Robin at this point by the amounts of times he took him off the field. How did he expect Jason to learn anything and get better if he was constantly stuck in his room and not out by his side like Robin should be?

It wasn’t even just that. Jason genuinely believed he wasn’t doing anything wrong. These were criminals they were dealing with. Murders, rapists-, psychopaths. Why should they go easy on them? They didn’t deserve to be let off easy, especially the low-lives they dealt with last night. They were dealing innocent kids and they were lucky that only one of them got off with a shattered collar bone.

“They were scum.” Jason hissed, putting the burger in his bag, not hungry anymore as he thought back to the terrified faces of those kids.

“I agree with you.” Halley nodded, doing the same. She pushed the bag out of her way, letting her arms rest on the desk. “They deserve a lot more than what they got.” She agreed, but once she saw Jason’s eyes already getting fired up she trailed back a bit. “But, Bruce is right. We’re no better than them if we start killing every person we fight. Take it from me, I know what it’s like to kill someone, it’s not the greatest feeling in the world.”

Jason bit his lip, trying to think before he spoke with her. He’d been surprised with how much they actually got along since she came back from to the manor. Once she got comfortable and opened up more, Jason couldn’t help but look up to the girl and respect her. She was amazing on the field. Batman was still Batman, but he’d never seen someone fight quite like she did. Her movements were swift, almost fluid, seeing as she didn’t have a lot of muscle mass compared to someone like himself or Bruce, or even Dick; she had to think of other ways to take down stronger advisories. It was like time almost slowed down with how fast she could knock someone off their feet as she could hyper-analyze their movements and match them in a split second. She knew just how to take someone down with one look, and always knew how to react when the situation was growing sour.

But even with all of that he couldn’t help but feel some sort of animosity towards her. She clearly out shined him when it came to a lot of things. Batman never had to chastise her for not following orders or for going out of line. Once Bruce taught her his ways, she was the star student, which only pointed out Jason’s flaws more and more with each patrol. He couldn’t help but think she’d make a better Robin than he ever could and that thought hurt. Being Robin was all he had and now he just had to sit back and watch as Bruce turned to her over him more and more. Jason knew it wasn’t the girl’s fault but he was who he was, and being bitter about it was a natural given.

“I’m not talking about killing anyone, I’m talking about why the fuck am I going to go easy on someone who sells kids like they’re sex dolls?” Jason spat, flaring his arms out. He tensed, seeing Halley cringe at his bluntness, her face looking flustered. He let out a long breathe, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry, it just really ticks me off, you know? This city is a shit show and I just don’t see us truly helping.” He paused, looking at her softly. She nodded, pushing him to keep going. Letting out another sigh, he did. “It’s just a constant cycle, we catch the bad guys, they get put away; then they either make bail or get busted out and then it just repeats, over and over-, what good are we really doing?”

Halley frowned, agreeing with him completely but still felt conflicted. She also agreed with Bruce; they weren’t killers and who would they be if they started to be? They were supposed to be better than them, they were supposed to give Gotham something good to believe in. But Jason was right, their system was flawed. She noticed that within her first few nights patrolling the streets as a string of murders haunted the East End. They caught him of course but he only lasted a few weeks in Arkham before escaping. Their culprit had been Victor Zsasz, and his methods of killing had been a little more horrifying than Halley would care to admit. In her many years of being paid to kill people she’d never seen anything quite like the mess they walked in.

Frowning deeper, seeing Jason now staring out the window blankly, she made a decision. She’d talk to Bruce tonight about her concerns and she’d stick up for Jason’s actions last night; it’s not like anyone else did.

#Jason Todd #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd x oc #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #dick grayson #dick grayson x oc #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x sister!reader #Dick Grayson x batsis #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x reader #batman fanfiction #batman #BatFam #batbros #Batsis

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

James & Ava

James: [okay so we all know the mood is that he sees whatever she's posted and literally goes there immediately with no thought of who else could also be cos he NEEDS to check that she's alright. The drama of it all] Ava: [but luckily no one is there and she'd be so shocked but also grateful 'cos no one wants to be alone and feeling unwell, esp. not in hospital] James: [when he'd have to say he was her brother so he can take her #awkward] Ava: [lollol finding that more amusing than you would otherwise 'cos concussion breaking your awks] James: [oh she'd be so cute I can't] Ava: [just hugging him so hard] James: [we all need that moment but sadly it cannot last forever because he'd have some driver doing circles endlessly cos there's nowhere to park at hospitals ever] Ava: [seriously, and it's so expensive] James: [when you were so desperate to get in there you didn't think about how long it could have taken like she could've been admitted and that driver is just lowkey out there for the rest of time] Ava: [lmao i wonder how long he'd wait for that bag before getting bored, luckily they'd low-key be ready to get rid 'cos too busy and overcrowded] James: [practically pushing her out the door as soon as they saw someone show up for her so he doesn't even have time to give her a feelsy speech lol] James: [just help her out to the car boy, you've had a lot of practice with drunk girls in heels and it'd be the same vibe] Ava: [just saying thank you over and over] James: [meanwhile he's asking her if she's okay over and over like every step they trying to take here] Ava: ['Oh God, you must think I'm so stupid, I swear, they came out of nowhere'] James: ['We both know you're not stupid, Ava' shout out to that text cleverness 5ever tbh 'I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt'] Ava: ['How have you been, I've been so worried' shoutout to this concussion giving me shameless freedom lol] James: [when you can only shake your head because 1. you ain't been good 2. you don't wanna tell her any of it and 3. you don't think you deserve her worry/ want her to worry about you] Ava: [sad face] James: [stopping to stroke said face, don't fall over girl, he's got you] Ava: ['James-' and then just looking 'cos what can you say] James: [looking back at her cos likewise but then you gotta drop them eyes cos so sad] Ava: ['you look tired' and making more of an actual effort to get into this car] James: ['I am tired' but helping her in and doing her seatbelt for her because not gonna see her struggle ever, telling the driver her address because there's nowhere else you can take her but home even though you have no idea if as soon as you get there someone is gonna show up for her and you obviously don't want that] Ava: [patting your shoulder like 'you can come sleep' like no no one can babe] James: ['no' but a little smile cos she's cute af 'I'm supposed to keep you awake'] Ava: [when you make a face like 😏] James: ['by which, of course, I mean, you've got a 8 hour date with Edward Cullen ahead of you'] Ava: [grinning like a fool but then being like, wait 'you'll stay though, can you?'] James: ['I'm not going to leave you alone' oh the heavy unspoken implication that she might not be if the friends or fam descend 💔] Ava: [resting your head on him as a silent thank you but then lifting it like 'so awake, promise'[ James: [stroking her hair and keeping an eye like] Ava: [being like let me tell YOU a story and honestly God knows but it'd be cute and she'd be trying to match his storyteller energy] James: [when that's lowkey the moment he falls in love with her bye] Ava: [asking the driver to play the new moon soundtrack] James: [loling and honestly when was the last time he did that, we all know it was when they were together] Ava: [live the emo life and love it babes] James: [he's GOTTA dance in his seat to keep her awake, no other reason #notanerd lol] Ava: [just clapping and cheering him on like nothing to see here driver God bless] James: [so not what that man was expecting to 👀 or 👂] Ava: [freaking out drivers is low-key a fave] James: [the one time you're happy about London traffic tbh] Ava: [even though we ain't gonna interrupt, you don't know that boy] James: [speaking of, probably send a text or something to check on the kids because you just ran like assumedly they at their grandparents but] Ava: [never leaving 'em with Chlo we all know] James: [lord her and Jay would kill each other] Ava: [I'd genuinely be worried for her safety so don't blame you remotely boy, least her parents are invested] James: [literally though & you can have those grandparents forever babs we ain't taking them away from you] Ava: [awkward that your mum never shows but that's just that on that] James: [lbr that's for the best stick with your dads kiddos] Ava: [we all know it, even if Matty might not end up remembering much] James: [Ava lowkey her mum now oops] Ava: [and Jay's actual auntie...lol what a tangled web we weave boo] James: [at least they can all stay connected] Ava: [true facts] James: [makes my heart happy even if it's weird] Ava: [lean in to how weird this family is James] James: [they weird af but they're better than the one he's got #noshadetoTeddythough] Ava: [all the shade to you Chlo, sort it out] James: [her poor future children & husband] Ava: [honestly, good luck] James: [he'd have to be about everything she is or else what the fuck] James: [anyway we've been sidetracked get to Baze's house you two] Ava: [movie marathon awaits, what else do we vibe or shall we just try and see what comes out, like] James: [let's just run with it and see what happens because we extra and anything could be said and done tbh] James: [imagine how awkward it'd be when they get there because he'd have to send her in first and just be shitting himself in the car like is anyone there or no] Ava: [at least you know full well no one is there 'cos business trips forever so you're just at the door shaking your head and doing the 'come on' gesture] James: [he'd just help her to the sofa like immediately & get her blankets and pillows and painkillers (even though it wouldn't touch a concussion headache) and a phone charger and everything else she could possibly need cos Chloe's got him trained like a dog] Ava: [low-key pulling at him, gently, like boy sit down] James: [when you are then looking at her like what did I forget/ do wrong before you realise] Ava: [squeezing his hand because you can only say thank you so many times, putting the film on but then pausing and gasping so dramatically 'coffee, I promised you coffee' and going to get up like can you be careful please] James: [thinking she's in pain or something because of that gasp so being at her side like 0-1000 and slowing her down cos they can do it together thank you] Ava: [making a face at herself like ffs when she catches on 'I'm not trying to age you' and touching his non-grey hair and wrinkles like totally necessary yep] James: ['but you're offering me coffee, what's next red meat or red wine?' but no actual shade cos we both know he doesn't care and none of that is what's aging him anyway, taking her hand from his face and gently kissing said hand before handholding to lead her to her own kitchen like let's do this] Ava: ['I don't know where my cigarettes are' shrugs and smiles like sorry not sorry, smiles even harder but lowkey stops breathing when, kissing ontop of where he just kissed her hand, then getting to this all-singing all-dancing coffee machine 'you have to pick the most daring option, one you've never, ever tried before, okay?' and waggling her finger like so serious about this] James: [takes his own cigarettes out of his pocket and slides the pack over to her 'okay' and does pick, really concentrating on the decision even though there'd be so much shit he hasn't tried and we all know he could just pick option 1 and be done] Ava: [takes one out and puts it behind her ear for later 'cos no need to light up in your parents home, just watching him 'cos so cute and then nodding like yes, good choice and picks the same, setting up this machine 'cos they're always more confusing and/or time-consuming than they need to be I swear] James: [where's the lie you gotta have the knack I swear, his turn to watch her now though because she's beautiful doing anything ever and he missed her so bad] Ava: [ahh coffee goodtimes forever] James: [he needs it cos he is tired af so thanks Ava you babe] Ava: ['do we talk about what happened, or do we write it off?' when you just saying this casually whilst waiting for your coffees] James: ['I don't know' because he is genuinely torn between wanting to and also not] Ava: ['Wait and see how we feel' 'cos no rush or pressure here 'you better carry these though' 'cos we don't need burns as well ty] James: ['wait here a minute for me' because carries the drinks through and then comes back for her because why not carry her though as well obvs] Ava: [does and loves it 'I've missed you, you know'] James: ['I know now' just giving her 😍 casually 'I've missed you too'] Ava: [😍 right back 'Ask anyone' when you're talking about your mood but you realize that sounds like you been telling the world lol 'I mean, I've been a delight' 🙄] James: [when you shake your head like no it's okay 'I overreacted about your cousin, I'm sorry' takes a deep breath remembering that whole sad ending moment 'And I'm sorry for fucking up the start of your summer' because she loves it and he knows] Ava: ['I understand why, understood, whatever. And I am still sorry, I was just too excited and-' sighs like, you know, squeezing his hand again 'I promise, that's all sorted now though' 'cos clearly told her it's over by now, 'cos thought it was anyway; she nods like thanks but shrugs like it's okay too, don't worry 'Sure even I can't be grumpy in the Seychelles, like'] James: [blatantly almost kissing her because he understands the whole being too highkey thing because he was (*cough* is) too but doesn't because she's going away 'when are you going?'] Ava: [sad face like you didn't just say you aren't gonna be grumpy 'when my parents get back, couple of days'] James: [strokes her face again like he did earlier 'you'll feel better by then' because someone's meant to watch you for 48 hours actually NHS website says] Ava: [😈 me 😇 her looking at him 'how did you even- why- I-' continuously cutting herself off 'cos you know he was checking in on you now and you know he came without hesitating so it doesn't need to be said 'Oh, James'] James: ['Ava' saying her name with SO MUCH feeling that I cannot 'I had to' when you mean so many things by that like you had to go but you have to stay now and you had to make sure she was okay today but also you had to keep checking on her the whole time] Ava: [definitely gonna go in to kiss him can't stop that soz] James: [we all know it was only a matter of time and that this is gonna turn into a not at all casual make out session] Ava: [you honestly deserve it lads] James: [that coffee gonna be cold and they won't even notice] Ava: [the movies are also not being watched lmao but no one cares rn] James: [on pause forever sorry not sorry] James: [but eventually like after AN AGE one of them should lean on the remote or whatever so it starts playing and they're like wtf] Ava: [when you shit yourself like who is here but then loving 'cos hi Edward] James: [we all shitting ourselves and all loling] Ava: ['he's very possessive' no lie] James: [looking at Edward and then kissing her again like when you're trying to make someone jealous] Ava: [when you're loling too hard into his mouth like 'scuse me] James: [kissing her neck instead so she can have her adorable lol] Ava: [reacting to that in a v different way] James: [we back at it again at krispy kreme soz twilight saga] Ava: [i swear to god the ily curse is so real] James: [this always happens to us, don't talk for a bit lads, wink wonk] Ava: [its because we give them such high-pressure situations but yes, you should fully hook up 'cos haven't yet] James: [I wonder if the orgasm headache thing would work for a concussion one or not] Ava: [my boo says #experiment] James: [imma google it but I don't expect an answer] James: [nobody is telling me but if it can help a migraine I don't see why it wouldn't] Ava: [you'll be fine bitch, just a shameless excuse that he needs to hang around longer] James: [we should totally also do the shameless thing when he falls asleep and then wakes up immediately but is like oh no how long was I asleep because not only worried about her we know] Ava: [for sure, just there chilling like 🥰 'not long, but you looked peaceful'] James: ['I was' and more 😍 'I am' just snuggling happily because deserved af] Ava: [kissing the top of his head 'good' then lying down and snuggling harder 'I'm so glad you're here, that you're okay'] James: ['I'm glad that I'm here & that you're okay' kissing her forehead and holding her so tightly because he was so worried that something much worse had happened to her] Ava: ['It was kinda scary how much I missed you- like I said I WAS extra but I think, no, I still am, I can't lie to you'[ James: [when you are just falling so hard for her rn smiling like look at this perfect 😇 'you don't have to miss me any longer, minus however long you're spending in the Seychelles, of course'] Ava: ['Yeah?' trying but failing not to sound so hopeful 'And two weeks, so not as long as it has been, not that I was definitely counting or anything'] James: ['I was afraid, no, I am afraid but very few things have ever scared me as much as when I saw you were in hospital & I thought-'] Ava: [just holding him back even tighter like you could not be closer 'I'm so sorry I scared you, I won't ever do it again, even if I get hit by something more substantial than a 90lbs mum on a lightweight bike' and shaking her head with a lil lol 'cos it is funny even though it can be as bad as a car crash actual sometimes] James: ['You scare me in the best ways, you don't have to stop, I don't want you to' because think of the new things he's already done and the new things he's already felt, it makes me emosh goodbye] Ava: [when that's the hottest thing you've ever heard like 'scuse me round two] James: [you've actually got all night for once so make the most of it lads] Ava: [like literally no one needs it more than him so I'm allowing it, there's enough shit happened, happening and still to come] James: [amen to that] Ava: [happy bubble forever] James: [if only like, he is NOT gonna wanna leave in the morning but maybe we could say that like Jay has a playdate with friends or something cos soz babe you can't keep a secret so he just gets the baby and comes back] Ava: [that would be a moment] James: [just casually meet each other how cute] Ava: [have a normal, happy day like you're meant to oh] James: [you all deserve it truly] Ava: [meet your potential future stepchild babe] James: [do we wanna have them go out or stay in?] Ava: [🤔 obvs really want them to go to Kensington Park 'cos Peter Pan and like obvs I doubt anyone who would be bothered to report to Chloe is gonna be there but it is risky so maybe save it idk] James: [we will bookmark that for the future because MUST but they could take Frank on a walk somewhere cos we ain't referenced that sweet sir even if it's just through the streets like] Ava: [that's a good shout, you better be a good boy lol] James: [and don't cockblock them rn please] James: [they'd look like a little fam, I am FINE] Ava: [and lowkey behave more like one in one day like the bar is so low tah Chlo] James: [the scolding tea] James: how are you feeling? Ava: 😊 So happy Ava: Only a bit tired from the whole staying awake thing and you keeping me awake, like 😏 Ava: oh, and Frank said you've redeemed yourself so well done there too Ava: how're you and the girls? James: I'm happy to hear all of that James: has your dizziness gone? James: we're fine, but tired too Ava: Yeah Ava: barely a headache Ava: and my parents get in early AM so I should be all set to go when they do get here James: how much packing is there left to do? Ava: All of it but deciding which 14 bikinis I wanna take shouldn't take too long James: are you sure? I think it would take me a really long time to decide Ava: I'll put some stories up Ava: You can help me Ava: I reckon I need your clearly more considered opinion James: of course you do James: you wouldn't want to spend the entirety of your holiday wishing you'd chosen differently Ava: so true Ava: especially as I'm not allowed to pack my pout James: everyone is well aware of how important the pursuit of a tan is to you, darling, anything that jeopardises that, well, it's bound to be very pout inducing James: you'll be forgiven Ava: I don't know if my family is as forgiving as you Ava: perhaps they don't like my pout as much Ava: they definitely aren't as supportive in bikini related decision making James: I'll dedicate paragraphs to both James: multiple lengthy ones Ava: It'll seem gratuitous in the movie but nothing is too much for the book James: as long as it remains included in the director's cut James: or else I will be devastated Ava: I'll demand it in my contract Ava: I think it'll be a first in favour of taking your clothes off instead of keeping 'em on James: thank you James: you do deserve a multitude of firsts, honestly Ava: you deserve so much Ava: much more than I'm allowed to give you Ava: that reminds me Ava: as I can't give you anything as a thank you, I've had to get creative James: so much of what I deserve is negative & there is nothing you owe to me in any capacity, thanks included James: but I'd never want to discourage creativity Ava: Shh sh Ava: in the spirit of firsts and trying new things Ava: when you're all less worn out, go to [a sassy but kid-friendly cafe/restaurant that's a bit out there and exotic and definitely nowhere Chloe has ever made you take her] and tell 'em you're eating on me, yeah Ava: then when I get back and you're free, you're coming over and I'm cooking James: Ava Ava: It's already arranged, I go there all the time, it's the 2nd best Brazilian food I've had James: you've been to Brazil for the 1st, haven't you? I can tell Ava: Actually no, mores the pity Ava: but my Uncle is Brazilian and a chef, my cousin too Ava: having a big weird family has unexpected perks Ava: if you like it, I already have a recipe lined up that's meant to be 🔥 but even a novice like me can master it James: you'll have to wait patiently for my review because I regrettably can't send you a picture of my face after the 1st mouthful to serve as one, but okay Ava: I'll do my best Ava: though having any patience when it comes to you doesn't seem to be my strong suit Ava: arguably not a virtue I'm known for, ever, but especially now James: I'll do my best not to miss you so hard that it's physically painful but that doesn't appear to be my strong suit either & as previously agreed, I won't make any promises I'm forced to immediately break Ava: Oh Ava: Knowing it wasn't just me finding out that painful cliche is painfully real is somehow a comfort, to know you'll want to avoid the feeling as much as I do from now on but it also hurts me even more, the idea of you having to feel it at all in the first place Ava: but there is no conflict in just how hard I'm looking forward to seeing you again after this ill-timed holiday James: I don't ever want you to be in pain because of me, I have to insist on only the good cliches going forward James: devastatingly a postcard can't be included in that Ava: Hmm, got any long-lost great aunties I can pretend to be? 🤔😂 James: If I do my wife is bound to be aware of them, their current financial situation & any possible health concerns they are facing Ava: Valid Ava: Don't need to give her any more reason to 💀💀💀 me Ava: At least no holiday is complete without the obligatory narcissistic poolside shoot James: suffice to say I've never had a complete holiday, in that case Ava: I bet you've had to be cameraman plenty though Ava: so rude when you're so nice to look at James: & yet I've never been trusted to pick a filter Ava: 🙄 Ava: does she not know that you're an artiste James: no, it's our secret Ava: 😊 I like that James: I like you Ava: I like that more James: I wish I could see you again before you go Ava: Me too Ava: I kinda wish I weren't going James: how early are your parents getting back exactly? Ava: like 4am kinda early James: I won't make you stay awake again James: I know how tired you must be Ava: 🥺 James: I'm so relieved that I can't see that look on your actual face Ava: It's 💔 Ava: but I'll survive Ava: about James: you're a very strong person Ava: You James: I'm not Ava: You are though Ava: you put up with so much shit James: is that strength or is it weakness? Ava: I think it's strength Ava: You can't necessarily stop shit happening or get shit out of your life Ava: no matter how strong Ava: and you manage to do all the shit you have to regardless James: I'd like to think you're right Ava: Then you should Ava: I encourage it Ava: 🤓 me James: you are undeniably clever Ava: Try to be Ava: when I'm not standing in the middle of cycle paths, obviously James: I heard you say that bike came out of nowhere Ava: Yeah Ava: I miss you already Ava: Frank is not as good a nurse, like at all James: if you can fall asleep now, I'd feel less guilty about the prospect of asking you not to later James: should I hypothetically be able to get away Ava: 🛌🏃 Ava: Promise James: I can't give you a promise back Ava: I know Ava: but this way, I either stay asleep and that's that Ava: or I get the best surprise to wake me up James: what did I do to deserve you? Ava: This is the part where I say something very bad but Ava: you don't seem capable Ava: you're just James: whatever it was, I need to know so I can keep doing it Ava: just be you Ava: another cliche you've proven to be true and real James: this fortnight without you is going to be really cliche James: there's no chance of it existing beyond the 1st draft Ava: not even for my eyes only? James: well James: maybe Ava: Please please please James: okay James: you are my fairest critic & you do have beautiful eyes Ava: Yours are better Ava: but I won't be too jealous if I get to look at them more James: I definitely can't promise not to be envious of everyone in the Seychelles who will get to look at you more than I can Ava: Do you ever get a decent lunchbreak? Ava: we could facetime James: I'll figure something out James: because my dad takes the longest lunch breaks, you'd be forgiven for thinking it's the 80s Ava: 😏 we love a throwback 🙄 James: I'll take Matty to work with me, she'll distract whoever I need her to Ava: She is very cute Ava: I see it James: I won't be saying anything the like of that if she won't sleep tonight though Ava: 🤞 for you and her Ava: shame she's not yet at the walking stage Ava: Frank is so 💤 James: I can't keep her in any kind of routine, it's frustrating for both of us Ava: That's hard James: it's harder for her than it is for me, she never knows what's happening Ava: She'll get there Ava: I was the worst baby Ava: hopefully before you totally lose your mind, 'course James: I find it impossible to believe you weren't 😇 Ava: I was pretty premmie so my poor parents were confined to perpetual bright light for ages when I got home James: both the girls were so late James: that was an entirely different struggle Ava: I can imagine how delightful Ava: usually excusable but when you set the bar low to begin with 😬 James: the last thing I want to do is badmouth her to you, but as we know, sometimes things write themselves Ava: I feel you Ava: not a cliche I particularly wanna be either James: of course not Ava: but you can vent, you know Ava: I don't even have to reply, just if you need to put it somewhere James: no, I can't Ava: okay, just a suggestion James: so much of this is already not fair to you, Ava Ava: I don't think it is Ava: you've never lied about any of it, you're always realistic about what you can and can't give me Ava: and I'd like to help, in any tiny way I'm able James: you don't know what she's like & I'd rather you didn't have to know James: let's keep it at you don't do sympathy Ava: I know very little but that's not positive so it doesn't take your author level of imagination if I wanna go there without your guidance Ava: and it isn't sympathy but okay Ava: I won't mention her and you don't have to either James: I just can't have you seeing me differently because Ava: I'd never see you differently because of what she's like as a person James: it's too big of a risk for me to take, that you'll end up thinking less of me than you do now Ava: You can trust me Ava: but you don't have to Ava: I won't push anything, I don't need to Ava: as much as I want to take things fast in so many respects, I'm never going to take it where you don't want it James: it isn't you I don't trust James: I'm not a reliable narrator, she's made sure I'm not Ava: However...intertwined and diluted you feel your story got, because of her, because of whatever Ava: it's always gonna be your story to tell, if you want it Ava: and I'll always listen to how you tell it James: Ava Ava: James James: if it was a story I was in control of I'd come to the airport & tell you not to go James: cliche or not Ava: and I'd stay Ava: but that's far too much like a happy ending and we've only just begun James: you're right again Ava: don't sound so surprised 😉 James: I was actually trying to decide where it falls on the scale of ideas & habits, good, bad or somewhere in between James: that you always seem to be Ava: Have you drawn a conclusion yet? James: I couldn't possibly tell you James: you're supposed to be asleep Ava: damn Ava: you'll tell me in the morning? James: yes Ava: Okay, I'll go, as long as you know it is so reluctantly it's practically under protest James: & I won't stay here hoping you don't, as long as you know it's under identical conditions Ava: Noted Ava: Goodnight and sweet dreams for whenever that happens for you then, love James: thank you

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idealisticrealism · 6 years ago

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Blindspot 4x02

I really need to get onto these recaps in a more timely fashion. Left it too late then had to rush through bc I have somewhere to be. Ooops. Anyway happy Blindspot day everyone! Wish I could watch live with you.

Reade: oh honey.Things aren’t really going your way today, are they? First your AWOL bff-slash-kinda-lover-slash-heartbreaker is ignoring your calls and being glamorous in Paris with a shady heiress, and then she’s possibly exploded in a plane crash. Ouch. At least you took a moment somewhere in there to subtly tease Rich by complimenting Boston, I mean it’s good to know your soul hasn’t been entirely crushed by the mess your life has become lol

Zapata: girllllll what are you doingggggg. You are going down the worst kind of rabbit hole, and fast. Though I guess this isn’t the first murder you’ve helped cover up, soooo.... But ugh even so I still wanna swoop in there and steal you away and protect you. I’m sure your whle storyline is gonna somehow prove relevant and important later and may even somehow save the day, but STILL. Even Keaton seems worried about you, though lbr no one knows what that sneaky bastard is really thinking (not even you). And I mean seriously you had such a great and loving team and somehow you ditched them to seek out progressively worse company. And now you’re in deep shit, bc what the hell are you gonna do with a child who has seen your face and knows you were involved in her mother’s murder??? (Don’t you dare call Reade lol)

Patterson: Ugh my adorable sassy baby. You were part of three amazing duos this ep and I could not get enough. I mean I am ALWAYS here for your adorable friendship and teamwork with Rich, but god I love the love/hate relationship you and Boston have-- like the fact you had to pause to consider if solving a tattoo and potentially saving a lot of lives was worth having to deal with him again haha. But lbr you guys are secret besties. He even calls you PatPat and you allow it, and you have your own fistbump I mean what could be cuter. And then there was your other teamup, heading out into the field with Remi. I was worried that Rich being in more eps would mean you would get less airtime, but I’m so glad that’s not the case. Also everyone forgets you’re also a badass FBI agent who can handle herself out in the field just like any of the others, so I’m glad these last two eps have given you the chance to kick some butt. Too bad you got screwed over by Remi and slept through half the action though lol. Oh also I loved the line “Would you like to make a transaction? Ugh not really” hahaha, you are the cutest lil sassy thing and honestly if you and Rich took over as the leads of this show I would be totally fine with that

Rich: holy crap, never in my wildest dreams did I expect to have an episode where you were literally in almost every scene. From cracking tattoos to sincerely comforting Reade (man you two never have scenes together and you both did so great with these) and even actually using Zapata’s name for once. That’s how we know shit is serious haha. And then going from a happy lil puppy when your bf Boston is allowed to come play, to a little kid acting out bc you’re worried that someone else is gonna steal all your toys, then sucking it up and attempting to be the proverbial bigger man (not entirely successfully, but props for trying). And of course, as always everything you say is amazing, as is every little gesture or expression-- like seriously who needs to watch stand up comedy when they can just watch you instead??? I love you the way you love this team, so I think you’ll understand when I say please never ever leave me. Ever.

Weller: welcome back to the team, buddy. Now you can proceed to be basically a background character for most of the rest of the episode apparently haha. Although that was a cute moment where you figured out the web address thing before anyone else, including two expert hackers. That was a proud moment. I do like how you handled the Jane-taking-photos thing, addressing it quickly and with gentleness and concern, and hardly any manly over-protectiveness. But dude you definitely gotta be recognising that something is off about Jane. I’m sure you’ve written it off as related to the ZIP poisoning, but by now you gotta wonder if it’s something more, right?? Oh and now the overprotectiveness has kicked in and you’re off to save the day. There’s my lil heroic hubby, I’ve missed you. I’m actually super impressed you took the shot when the spy guy had her hostage, that took some true guts and trust in your own abilities. Looks like the real Weller IS back after all.

Remi: Boston’s right, your hairdo does change your whole vibe. And with the lack of smiling, it even makes your face shape seem different. Which is cool, but creepy, bc man are you one vindictive little brat. To an extent I enjoy your sneakiness and watching this secret game of cat and mouse you’re playing right under the team’s noses, but every time you’re subtly mean to them or smile at their misfortune I wanna stand in between you and them and growl at you a little bit. I’m not at all happy about you betraying my precious Patterson like that. The little moment you shared with the spy dude was actually kind of interesting though, did we maybe see a little bit of depth to Remi just now? Maybe a small indication that she really does want to HAVE a family, not just get revenge for the one she lost?? Ugh also why did it make me so happy to hear you say “my husband’s FBI”? Maybe bc it sounded kinda genuine? Like you could have told the guy that it was your team coming and they wouldn’t risk you, but no you focused on Weller specifically. And then ugh that amazing parallel to the moment in 1x01 with one of you being held hostage and nodding for the other to take the shot. Did you remember that, somewhere deep down? Did you realise that you truly trusted him to do this?? I feel like this moment is gonna have deeper ramifications than you expected or intended and it’s gonna make your little vendetta a lot more difficult for you. And maybe that unwelcome emotion is exactly what triggered you cooking up a literal murder needle in your kitchen... seriously girl do you realise how Extra you are, or?? But lbr despite all your talk, you won’t be able to kill him. Something in you loves him, and that’s why you’re so damn grumpy all the time haha

Roman: Damn, son. Even as a hallucination you’re still such a grumpy little wounded puppy and I miss you soooo muuuuchhh. Also I’m so sad that when Jane/Remi is eventually cured from the ZIP poisoning you’ll probably disappear forever ughhh :’(

Keaton: ....why are you even here right now. Couldn’t you just give them this intel over the phone. And now you just gave Remi the opportunity to screw over Patterson ugh. Next time, just call okay

Boston: oh you sarcastic bitch I love you so much. Like not only do you basically solve the whole tattoo, you call Jane out on being different “Your whole vibe is...edgier. It’s a triumph.” (of course you like the more evil version of her lol) and “Awww, you got one, Limpy!” You do that mix of sweet and mocking so well, though lbr you actually kinda love these guys and you’re so happy to be here. I think you would love to have Rich’s job but you’d never actually want to replace him in it, because you know how much he really does love these people and how he’s found a family here. But of course that won’t stop you messing with him and making him worry about being replaced lol. Please leave but also please come back soon haha

Guy at the very start who looks like an older David: hey man you look like an older David thanks so much for making me sad

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap

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toosicktoocare · 6 years ago

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For @originalduckdonkeygoth!

You said after a mission, and here I am giving you an opening sequence in the mission because why not?? Lol

"Three on your--" Steve's words catch in his throat as a cough shoves past, and he sputters into his fist, brows furrowed, his only sign of physical discomfort. "Left," he finishes around a few weaker coughs before a sound to his right has him swinging his shield with all the strength he can muster, muscles pushing past the dull ache of his fever.

"Cap?" Tony's voice rings over the shared comms. "You good?"

"What the hell do you think, Stark?" Bucky growls back, and Steve sighs at both as he shoves his foot into the torso of some alien warrior that's a greenish-blue and wearing an off-yellow helmet.

"Bucky," Steve warns, voice colored with a painful rasp. "Enough."

Bucky doesn't reply for a moment, and Steve can hear a gun popping off repeatedly, followed by a quick "thanks, Mr. Barnes!" from Peter.

"You don't need to be out here, Steve."

There's stern concern laced within Bucky's tone, and Steve shakes his head before coughing into his fist as he scans his eyes for any close ground threats.

"He's right, Steve."

Nat's voice sounds slightly breathless, and Steve looks to his left, squinting to see her swinging a roundhouse kick to an alien's face.

"We've got this covered if you want to go-- Kid-- Spidey-Brat! Do you have tunnel vision or something? You've got two coming at your right!"

Frowning at Sam's words, Steve whips his gaze toward Peter's general direction, but Peter webs both aliens and hangs off the side of a building, watching as they plummet to the ground.

"I've got this, Sam."

"How come I don't get addressed with formalities like everyone else?"

"Enough," Tony barks over the comms, and Steve winces slightly, the booming voice drilling a hole into his head, causing a building pressure that's too warm and borderline unbearable.

He blinks slowly, vision swimming as an unsettling heat washes over his limbs, replacing the chill from before. His hearing starts to fade out, sounding muffled, unable to fully comprehend the shouting for him over the comms.

Swallowing thickly, he just manages to move a slow gaze to his right to see an alien swinging a large staff in his direction, and he struggles against weak muscles to lift his shield, only faintly aware he's going to be too late. But, Bucky drops in between the two, so suddenly that Steve stumbles back and falls to the ground with a cough as Bucky fires bullets into the alien's chest.

"Barnes," Tony urges over the comms, and Bucky whips around quickly to Steve.

"Are you hurt?"

"N-no." Steve manages before his lungs burst against a coughing fit that leaves him hunched over.

"Get him out of here, Barnes."

"Wait," Steve tries. "Tony--"

"Don't sweat it, Cap! We've got this! Go get some rest!"

Peter's voice is oozing an air of confidence that has Steve's shoulders slumping. He struggles to make his legs operate properly when Bucky pulls him to his feet, and he can already feel himself falling before an icy metal arm wraps around his waist.

"Shit," he mutters under his breath. "That's freezing."

"No," Bucky argues quietly as he starts guiding Steve toward one of Tony's car. "You're just burning up.”

*****

Bucky rubs one hand over his face as he allows the 103.4 degree reading to sink in. "Just like old times," he says, showing thermometer to Steve, who's bundled up in bed, a cloth over his forehead to bring relief from the fever that has his cheeks burning red.

"I haven't been this sick since before.. " Steve's words trail off, and Bucky's muscles tense up.

"I know."

"Bucky--"

"Why are you so goddamn self-sacrificing, Steve? All the fucking time-- you just don't care about yourself."

Steve frowns and moves to prop himself up on his elbows, but Bucky's pushing him back with a surprisingly gentle hand, one that contrasts the heat in his voice.

"The team--"

"--is more than capable of handling one fight without you," Bucky finishes as he adjusts the cloth over Steve's forehead, his tone softer than before, laced with a deep sigh.

"Buck..."

"You scared the hell out of me back there," Bucky admits, raking fingers through his tangled locks. "And you still are. What if this is some weird virus that can kill you? You said it yourself-- you haven't been sick since before--"

"This sick," Steve corrects, pulling an emphasis on 'this.' "I've been sick plenty of times, just not this bad. But considering I spent all of last week helping Peter through the flu, it makes sense I was hit." His voice throbs with each word, and as if Bucky can sense it, the latter reaches for the glass of water on the night stand and offers some to Steve.

"Thank you." He rasps out around a few coughs, feeling oddly groggy. He's sure the medicine is kicking in.

Bucky sighs and leans back in his chair, arms crossed. "Well, you just need to stop being a saint."

"What?"

"Stop helping people all the time," he clarifies. "You helped Peter, and look where it got you."

"It's just the flu, Bucky."

"Yet you almost had your ass handed to you by some ugly alien."

Steve closes his eyes with a deep sigh, his brows pulled together, and Bucky leans forward with a frown.

"What's wrong? Does your head still hurt?"

"Terribly."

Bucky considers his options for a moment before he gets to his feet and moves to the empty side of the bed, kicking his shoes off before slipping in above the covers. Steve cracks an eye open and watches him with a few coughs.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying something." Bucky carefully moves the cloth and starts smoothing his metal hand over Steve's forehead before tracing two fingers down his temple, and Steve shivers slightly.

"Too cold?"

"No-- it's nice." Steve's face relaxes as sleep tugs on every corner of his body, and Bucky keeps the small motions, working silently for a long time.

"Sorry I blew up a little. I only do it because I kinda like you."

A smile tugs at Steve's lips. "Kinda?"

"Yeah," Bucky starts, his own soft smile coloring his lips. "A big kinda."

#marvel #sickfic #prompt #my writing #my marvel writing #stucky #steve/bucky #avengers #captain america #winter soldier #whump #whumpfic #tony stark #peter parker #natasha romanoff #sam wilson #steve rogers #bucky barnes

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds s05e22 “The Internet Is Forever” review - or more aptly named, one heck of a long review because this episode was perfect. I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS!

Episode 22 – The Internet is Forever

Hey guys! Whew, what a week, and it only started yesterday. Yes, I work Sundays, because I live in Israel, where our ‘holy day’ is Friday, but I work in Nespresso customer service so I work once every two weeks on Fridays too, so I guess I got the short straw until I own my mega super empire of translation.

Whatever.

That was a little rant.

Anyway, let’s see what happens.

Okay, this is seriously one hell of a creepy intro into the show. What the fuck is this thing?

What the …

Why do they always have to murder people in their sleep? It’s creepy.

So three missing women in Boise, Idaho in one year two months apart? Yikes. That sounds nuts.

“Well, hello.”

Bed-head poodle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, the fascinated look on Rossi’s face!

I can’t take this show’s fascination with Reid’s hair. I love it!

“What, did you join a boy band?”

“No.”

I love it how he takes it so seriously!

Derek, you little shit.

“Okay, so what are we looking at here? Late twenties, early thirties.”

“All single, though two are in a committed relationships. All living on their own.”

Huh? That doesn’t make sense.

How are they single if they are in committed relationships?

“Looks like normal suburban houses. Gives the unsub privacy.”

“The differences are more striking than the similarities. Different hair colors, different body shapes.”

Smart poodle, I love you.

“What do you know about his MO?”

“That’s why we were invited in. The abduction sites are pristine.”

Oh dear.

“And there’s no DNA besides the victims’.”

Shit.

“and the victims aren’t reported missing until two or three days after they’re abducted.”

“Two or three days … women like this don’t just vanish without somebody noticing.”

True.

They were hot.

“Yes. Which is why I asked Garcia to dig into their lives.”

I love you, JJ, for appreciating my honey.

“And when I took a look at their online activity, I could easily see how the unsub is doing it.”

“Social networking sites.”

Fuck.

“Yeah. Facebook, Twitter. You name an online life-sharing time-suck, the victims were on it. And if you look at each of their last posts, they say the same thing … going out of town, going on a business trip, going on a vacation.”

Oh dear.

“But when you look at the time and date stamp of each of these,”

“Cue the Twilight Zone music,”

“Because they were all posted the morning after each of them went missing.”

Boom. My baby girl has them on her rope.

“The unsub posted them.”

Duh.

“Social networks are an easy way for an unsub to target his victims.”

Yeah, no kidding.

Oh, and I promise – I’m not an unsub ;)

“These women were especially open. They posted everything from what they were having for dinner to where they were going on dates.”

Yeesh.

“So this unsub friends his victims and then uses that as a cover once he takes them.”

Oh god.

“That means he can hack into their accounts.”

Yup.

“So he’s excellent with computers.”

“Definitely profiles as patient and organized.”

‘He’s obsessive enough to remove all forensic details, but also patient enough to wait two months before abductions.”

“He can afford to be. He gets three days to do whatever he wants to these women.”

Oh god.

“That means we need to assume these women are already dead.”

Fuck.

“The question is what he does while he has them.”

Oh god.

George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

What the fuck? That was seriously beyond inception, and totally fucked wiht my brain. If anyone can explain to me what Shaw meant, I’ll give them a kiss, like, literally, fly all the way to your home and make out with you.

“So if this unsub is using social networks to find his victims, can’t we use that to find him?”

Aw, my optimistic puppy.

“Yeah, if these women each had a hundred friends following them, then the unsub would pop up on each of their lists, right?”

“Uh, the detective in charge, John Fordham, he looked into their groups. Everyone checked out.”

Guess not.

“Social networking sites are surprisingly insecure.”

“Facebook recently tried to update all their privacy settings, and in doing so, they made everybody’s profiles viewable.”

Whoops. Bad move there, Facebook.

Lol.

“Can somebody explain to me the appeal of these sites?”

Oh my darling Italian grandpa.

“‘Eating sushi tonight. Yum.’”

Oh my god, I love this show.

‘‘Boss is keeping me late at work. Grr.’”

Oh god, I died.

“Whose life is so important that we’d be interested in this kind of detail?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s the running joke, right?”

Huh?

“I mean, nobody is.”

“But we’d all like to believe there’s actually an audience out there that wants to follow our every move.”

Whoa, that was extremely deep, my gorgeous puppy.

“You know, some sites actually have a GPS feature built in. You can tell exactly where someone is every time they post a new comment.”

Yup. We’re seriously living in a dangerous world.

“This is telling us how he’s finding him, but it’s not telling us how he’s getting into their houses.”

“At the very least, I believe that he has copies of their keys. Doris Archer gad a security home system installed, but the disable code was entered at 1:56 AM. So he knew that, too.”

Fudge.

“He also found a way to deal with her dog.”

“A German Shepherd she adopted from the pound last year went missing the night that she did.”

Awwwwww

“All right, so this guy’s gotta be in and out of the house well before the night of the disappearance.”

Well, yeah.

“What about the people who come into your house that you don’t consider a threat?”

Oh boy. That’s one smart Italian honey.

“Okay, Morgan and Prentiss, start with the last abduction sites. See if anything points to his MO.”

“Dave, you, Reid, and JJ go back over the women’s lives. Start with their friends on the social networking sites.”

Oh dear. I hope they find this fucker.

“Did you find anyone willing to talk to us about the victims?”

“The problem wasn’t who to bring in.”

Can I be honest? That guy reminds me of a cartoon ... can’t put my finger on it, but he does.

Whoa. That’s a lot of people.

“The man we’re looking for might have found your daughter through her social networks. Did Paula mention anyone new in her life?”

Nope.

It’s her mom. She doesn’t’ know about Facebook and stuff. No offense to any moms out there, but usually nowaday moms around that age are pretty incompetent with Facebook.

“So I’m assuming she knew who followed her, then?”

“Oh, god no. She had over 1,000 friends.”

Ha.

“Wow. Why so many?”

Oh my honey.

It’s a work strategy.

“So, wait. Even though she told all those people what she was doing, she didn’t know who was following her?”

Welcome to the 21st century – where we share everything with strangers and basically invite creepers to kill us ;)

“Actually, I don’t have email.”

LOL.

“These websites are like email on crack”.

Yup.

“Did Doris ever mention letting someone in her home?”

Nope.

“Bruno ... the dog. So he was a guard dog?”

Oh god. The poor puppy.

So he changed the photographs that told a story? Oh boy.

“Okay, JJ, I got it.”

“You see it?”

“Actually, yeah. Looks like he did try to hang something on the wall.”

Boom. My puppy is on top of things.

“There’s even a little residue left over.”

“Morgan.”

“Let me call you back.”

“Yeah, what do you got?”

“Hey, I got one up here, too.”

“What would he try to hang on that part of the wall?”

“Well, from here, I have an unobstructed view of the second floor and down the stairs.”

“It’s the same thing down here. You can see the entire entrance.”

“Cameras.”

Fuck.

“We think this is what he’s using to spy on his victims.”

Shit.

“They’re small, they’re cheap, and they’re easily hidden behind photos, books, plants.”

“The footage they record can be transmitted anywhere … website of your choice, even your cell phone.”

Fuck.

Meanwhile, my poodle investigates.

“And he can toggle between cameras to see everything that’s happening in the house.”

Oh dear lord.

“And you found five of these at different points in the house?”

“Upstairs, downstairs, bedroom, even the bath.”

Oh god, this dude is sick.

“A ruse gets him in the door, but it doesn’t buy him enough time to put up five of these.”

Nope.

“Once he learns their routine, all he has to do is pick the lock, put up the rest of the cameras, and boom, he got their whole life at his fingertips.”

Fuck.

“What does he do with the video? Maybe he keeps them?”

“If he’s voyeur, yes.”

And there they go again, making Derek say the sexiest things ever in the sickest connotation and it just infuriates me.

“Uh, voyeurs are rarely violent. Their excitement comes from spying without the object knowing they’re being watched.”

“And by abducting his victims, he’s removing the outlet of his sexual release. Reid is right.”

Duh. I mean, why is this even being put in question?

“We need to have Garcia dig the surveillance and illegal video websites.”

“I’m going to take this with us.”

“Why?”

“We originally profiled there wasn’t any facial similarity between the victims, but I’m not so sure that’s true.”

“I want to compare Doris’s picture with the other victims.”

Oh my smart poodle.

“These videos the unsub took, it looks like one of them he posted online, which may help me nab him.”

“If he puts it on the web, can’t you track that back directly to his computer?”

“Normally, yes. Normally, in like seventeen seconds I can get you the network he’s using, get a physical address,”

“And presto change-o, no more bad guy,”

“But this unsub is a creepy computer aficionado.”

Well, fuck.

“Do you guys know what a proxy server is?”

“It’s an internet relay.”

“Precisely. Kids use them to get around blocked sites.”

Fuck.

“Now, usually, one proxy is plenty, but this piece of work is using dozens of proxy servers.”

Shit.

“He’s bounced his signal off China, North Korea, Russia, South Africa …”

“Garcia, can you track him back to Boise?”

“Of course I can, and that’s what I’m doing. Time is the unfortunate ingredient I need, though.”

Fuck.

“This just in. Looks like one of the proxy servers archived what he was streaming on the night of Doris Archer’s disappearance.”

Shit.

“Can we see it?”

“Pulling it up now.”

“Well, Prentiss and Morgan were right. He knows the house.”

“Oh, please don’t hurt that doggie.”

I love you, my angel.

“The camera’s attached to him. It’s his point of view.”

Shit.

“So he can relive it over and over again.”

Double shit.

“Okay, can someone tell me when this is over?”

I love you.

“Please.”

“Not yet.”

Fuck.

“He’s tender to her.”

“She means more to him as a corpse than as a living person.”

Fuck.

“Garcia, we need to find the unsub’s network. Even if it’s a rough area, it’ll help narrow the geographic profile.”

“Yes, sir, that’s totally what I’m trying to figure out. Uh, there is something else kind of huge you need to know about.”

Oh fuck.

“Do you see this line of code there?”

“Yeah, what about them?”

“It allows the user admin, and in this case, the unsub, to set up a chat room.”

Fuck.

“People were watching this on the night of the murder.”

“We thought he was posting these after the act. He’s not.”

“He wants people to experience it with him.”

“He wants an audience.”

Shit.

I’m about to barf.

“He has fans.”

“Tip of the hat to his fans.”

Fuck.

“He knows they’re watching.”

“Classic narcissistic behavior.”

Pah. You know it.

“Hey, guys. Garcia’s got something for us.”

“Go ahead, baby girl.”

“Okay, friends, I have some good news, but first, here is the thing that sucks.”

“I located the network the unsub is using in Boise, and it is the victims’ own wireless.”

“So does he hack in before he starts with the murders.”

“Hacking is obscenely time-consuming.”

“I just make it look easy because I’m a genius.”

“But, he’s not me.”

Oh god, I love this woman.

“So my guess is that he’s got to lurk around their network for at least a couple of days to a week before he kills them.”

“Yeah, he knows when we follow his online paper trail it’ll lead us right back to the murder site.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Hackers are very loyal to their spoofing techniques, and if they think no one’s watching, they’ll use the same roads over and over.”

“Okay, so if he goes through Russia, Chine, and North Korea again …”

“I have flagged those servers, and if he uses them in the same order, I will catch him so fast.”

“That’s only going to help if he commits another murder.”

“Yes, that’s also true.”

Fuck.

“Excuse me.”

“Garcia, if he does stream this again, how much time will you need to find the network?”

“Oh, uh, that’s hard to guess with all the international pinging. I …”

“Ballpark.”

“Seven minutes?”

That’s fast.

“That’s not fast enough. He’s in and out of the house in five.”

Fuck.

“Oh, God. I’m going to have to trim my time down, then.”

I love how she just sets goals for herself, not even questioning her own abilities.

“Garcia, get it done.”

Hey! Not nice!

“JJ, we need to call a press conference.”

Oh god.

“I know what connects the victims.”

What?

“I was staring at pictures of the victims and I knew there was a pattern connecting them, but I couldn’t tell what it was until I broke it down mathematically.”

Oh my genius poodle.

“Why are we so drawn to celebrity faces?”

Says the guy who started out as a model XD

“Because there’s a symmetry to their beauty …”

Oh wow.

I never thought of it like that.

“The more balanced they are, the more appealing they are to our eye.”

“These women aren’t celebrities, though.”

Nope.

“But there are similarities between them, and it wasn’t until I scanned the pictures and got it to the guys at Quantico that I had a full breakdown.”

“All right, strip away eye color, hair color, and skin tone, and what are we left with geometrically?”

“They’re all slightly dystopian.”

Fuck.

“He might not even be aware that he sees it in them.”

“There have been studies that suggest that we pick our spouses subconsciously, based on a facial symmetry that we recognize.”

Damn.

“So consciously or unconsciously, when he recognizes it, he has to destroy it.”

Fuck.

“Maybe … they’re a reflection.”

“Remember what he did at the end of the video? He wiped the tear away.”

Fuck.

“Most of us take the internet for granted. We forget about texts that we share or updates we put on social networks. But the internet never forgets.”

Nope.

“Once it’s out there, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, we all know about the horrific deaths that get shown on the web.”

“Those murders are immortal. And this unsub craves that same immortality.”

“He recognizes his face on theirs and he kills them as a way of saying, ‘this is what I look like.’”

I wanna hurl.

“Fortunately for us, this means we have a good idea of what he looks like.”

Oh god. I hope they catch him fast.

“We overuse the term narcissistic in our culture, but we’re going back to the psychological definition. Every aspect of this man’s life has been constructed around an inflated sense of self.”

“Unsubs like this are particularly vulnerable to what’s called narcissistic injury.”

“If his self-worth is attacked or damaged, he will lash out.”

“Under no circumstances should you denigrate him.”

God, I hope they are careful.

JJ handling the press like a boss.

“Hotch.”

“Somebody leaked our profile.”

Fuck.

“Oh, you crafty little sicko.”

I love you, Garcia.

“Sir, it’s fantastic you called. I just figured out …”

“So, how are you doing on pinning down the network?”

Why are you interrupting my genius?

“Okay. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Remember how I said he was spoofing his signal of different servers? Well, it turns out some of those are a decoy meant to waste my time.”

“So does that mean you can find him faster?”

“Totally. Totally. I can write a program that filters out the decoys …”

“Oh, crap.”

Are they allowed to say ‘crap’?

“Is that him?”

“Yeah. Okay, it looks like I’m gonna have to filter this on the fly.”

I love you.

“Can you send us the feed?”

“I can intercept it in Ukraine.”

“He’s going live.”

“Look at the way he’s moving. He’s not slow and deliberate. This guy’s pissed.”

“All right, what do we see? Determining markers.”

“A one-story cottage.”

Not helping.

“Is there a number on the house?”

“No, and he’s already at the door.”

Oh fuck.

“Garcia.”

“He’s using twice as many proxy servers.”

“Wait. This window here on the bottom … is that the chat room?”

Yup.

What happened?”

“Someone asked the wrong question at the press conference.”

“Oh, my god, turn around. Just turn around.”

“Maybe she can fend him off.”

“New kitchen appliances. Can we track them through work orders?”

“He’ll be gone by then.”

“Garcia, give us something.”

“I’m stateside now. I’m almost to Idaho. I just need more time.”

“You’re not gonna make it.”

“Yes, I will.”

Oh my determined goddess.

“Forget the unsub. can you run a trace on everybody in the chat room?”

“I can’t do both, sir. Let me do this.”

“Garcia, tag the viewers. That’s an order.”

Fuck.

Oh my horrified puppy.

“Baby girl, it’s gonna be okay.”

“No, no it’s not.”

“It’s bad enough that there’s been so much death around me, but this guy is all up in my turf. And he’s really good at what he does for really awful reasons.”

“That’s why you’re gonna find the perverts that watched it happen in that chat room.”

“And we’ll nail them to the wall and they’re gonna give up the unsub.”

“No, no, that is not good enough.”

“I want to watch him suffer.”

“I want to watch him bleed.”

WHAT?

“Oh, god. I just scared myself.”

And me.

“Good, that’s a good thing.”

Huh?

“Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way is the last person you want to tick off is Miss Penelope Garcia.”

Aww.

“That’s a compliment, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

Aw…

“We will beat this guy. Believe that.”

“Now, I’ll call you when we’ve got something.”

I love Derek Morgan beyond all measure.

“He was moving faster because he was angry.”

“So he rushed. Which means he made a mistake.”

“Well, it wasn’t the cameras. He remembered to take those with him.”

“It wasn’t the body. He took that with him, too.”

“Hey, did Garcia find anything unusual with Allison’s wireless?”

“No, records show that it was a basic DSL installation.”

“Hey, Prentiss.”

Ooh, my baby is onto something.

“What do you got?”

“You see this line right here?’

“This is what brings the internet from the street into the house.”

Oh snap.

“This isn’t DSL.”

Nope.

“It’s a fiber-optic cable. Completely different type of connection.”

“We just found his mistake.”

Boom.

“If there’s already an internet connection in the house, why does he bring his own with him? Is it the upload speed?”

“Fiber-optic allows him to stream large amounts of video. And maintain a chat room.”

Fuck.

“That’s dozens of computers connected to him at once.”

“He’d need a lot of bandwidth for something like that.”

Damn.

Let’s get the fuckers.

“FBI. We have a warrant.”

“This is a warrant for all the computers in your possession. You’re under arrest for accessory to murder.”

“Watching a murder happen online and doing nothing about it is a felony.”

So they’re at the place where the fucker got the cables.

“We think it’s an employee using your cable as a ruse to get into the house. Can you think of any …?”

“Mac Jones.”

Boom.

“We need his information.”

Yup.

“Ladies and gentlemen, meet Mac Jones.”

That’s a different dude.

“That’s because last year, Mr. Jones had his identity stolen.”

Frack.

“Now, I can’t tell you who the unsub is pretending to be now,”

“But since a picture’s worth a thousand databases, I can tell you who he was.”

“Robert Johnson, three-time loser, arrested for possession of torture videos.”

Ugh.

“Spent some time in a halfway house before he disappeared.”

“I found a blog of his online.”

“Here’s a quote … ‘Next time you won’t be able to stop me.’”

“That’s his narcissism again.”

“Garcia, is there a pattern to the identities that he steals?”

“No. he’s really disciplined about it. Once he burns through an identity, he never uses the same one again.”

“You know how I describe some suspects as being off the grid? This guy is totally the opposite.”

“He’s all over the grid. He’s manipulating the grid.”

“And he never stays in one place for very long.”

“So how do we find out who he is now?”

“I don’t think we’re going to. The man known as Robert Johnson is in the wind.”

Fuck.

“If he’s this flexible with his name, his real name, forget it.”

“But there is another way we can find him.”

Yes?

“His online name, his hacker handle. That’s the name that matters to him.”

“Wait. Wouldn’t he have hundreds of those, too?”

“Most definitely. But remember how I said hackers are loyal? They stick to certain names.”

“That’s how you identify yourself to other hackers.”

“That’s how the FBI caught me.”

And she’s so proud of it. Oh my lovely.

“So if we find the handle …”

“I’ll get you the unsub. I promise.”

“See, Scott, we think it was you.”

“And we found some pretty interesting movies in your hard drive to back up our theory.”

Ooh, my lovely tough guy.

“‘White girls can’t hump.’ That’s nice.””

Wow. The sarcasm.

“‘Schindler’s fist.’”

Oh god.

“See, this one right here, this is the one that got my attention.”

“The erotic awakenings of Sandy.’”

“How old was the girl in that video? What was she, twelve?” Fuck.

“I can explain”

Yeah right.

“Shut up!”

“This is what’s weird to me.”

Something specific is weird to you? Oh god.

“Most of your files were locked away, but not the child porn. We found it in like five minutes.”

“It wasn’t password-protected or anything.”

“How does someone who’s supposed to be so smart with computers do something so dumb?”

“Can we cut a deal?”

Ha. Yeah, right.

“Before this guy accepts you into the club … he gives you the illegal stuff. Kids. Torture.”

Oh god, I’m about to be sick.

“He has to know that you’re risking as much as he is. Mutually assured destruction.”

“You rat him out, he takes you with him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Don’t you try and play me, kid.”

“His online name.”

“Mrs. Prentiss.”

Ha.

“Agent Prentiss.”

To you, pervert.

“He sent out a message. He said tonight would be the best one yet.”

Oh fuck.

“What’s interesting, Mr. Chapman, the other two men we talked to, they had a form of collateral on their hard drive.”

“Hard-core pornography. Illegal. Rough.”

How is an old clueless grandpa getting involved in this shit?

So he knows the unsub because he came into his store? Oh dear, the poor dude.

“Do you believe him?”

“I believe he doesn’t fit the profile of the other voyeurs. They’re good with computers. They have hacking experience.”

“Garcia checked out the website. She said it’s crude. You can’t even order anything from it.”

“I got him.”

“Does he have his own network?”

“He doesn’t need one. He’s got a whole city to leech off of. He’s doing this again tonight.”

“Can you send me a list of networks he’s hacked recently?”

“I got twenty hits.”

“Filter out men and families. He only hits single women.”

“Eight left.”

“Garcia, do you have any pictures?”

“Coming your way.”

Boom.

My genius has her.

“You sure?” Oh come on.

“This is the FBI, we’re coming in.”

“She’s not here, but her car is.”

“It just went on by itself.”

Oh fuck.

“He’s recording us.”

“Garcia, the unsub is working off Lucy Masters’ network. Can you tell where the video’s being transmitted to?”

“I can’t tell. He’s not logged in as Watcher89. He’s not using any of the regular proxy servers.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t know that this was him.”

“Damn it! He’s encrypted his connection to the proxies. There’s nothing I can do to help you find him.”

“What do we see?”

“Metal walls.”

“Wait a minute. Garcia, can you magnify the wall behind her?”

My goddess desperate to help.

“It’s a walk-in freezer.”

Fuck. He got it from the old geezer.

“We didn’t catch you by mistake, did we, Austin?”

“You gave him a place to hide the bodies.”

“When something goes out on the internet, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, you’re going to jail. That’s a foregone conclusion.”

“But unless you cooperate with me, I will do everything I can to make sure that the next time your grandkids google you, they will find out what kind of a monster grandpa really is.”

Oh damn.

First time I’m scared of Rossi.

“Where is the freezer?”

They got him.

“We’re on our way.”

“Garcia, it’s been three minutes since the signal went up live. Lucy might not have that much time left.”

Stop pressuring my goddess.

“I can buy you some. Now that I have his physical address, I got my business all up in his.”

I love you.

“No, no, not today.”

“Now, when your internet goes down, it ruins your whole day, doesn’t it, psycho?”

I love you, lady.

“Get off her!”

Get him!

“What do you see when you look at them?”

Why try and understand that fucker?

“Get him out of there.”

God.

Eric Schmidt: “The internet is the first thing humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had.”

Whoa.

Not gonna bore you iwth any more verbiage, I think it’s pretty obvious my stance on the peisode. LOVED IT!

I’ll see you all tomorrow for the season finale of season five. HOLY SHIT! Where has the time gone to?

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