#the way home incorrect quotes

[yourmomsbookclub]

So I experienced a thought:

(Landry family + Elliot at dinner in 2025)

Jacob: So, I'm thinking about going to Sawcon this year.

Del: What's Sawcon?

Elliot: *trying not to laugh*

Jacob: SAWCON DEEZ NUTS!!!

Elliot: *wheezing*

Kat: *glares at Elliot*

Del: *sighs* I should've seen that coming.

[at1r1-p4rk3r]

Peter; at school and just got in trouble: I swear I'm innocent!

Principal; not amused: That's it. Your aunt passed? I'm calling your parents.

Peter: Haha, good luck with that!

Principal: What?

Peter: My parents are DEAD! *unhinged laughter*

Principal: but I have their phone numbers....

[hurtspideyparker]

Peter: I collect parental figures like they're pokemon cards

Stephen: How's that working out for you

Peter: ...I also collect parental issues

Stephen *facepalms*: You're an embarrassment

Peter: Hey! Don't make me look up to you and value your care

Stephen: ...

Stephen: Did you just threaten me with your love?

Peter: Yep. It's as deadly as a serial killer

Stephen:

Peter: It's actually caused a lot of attachment issues for me

[cosmically-incompatible]

Hannibal who spent 2 hours in the kitchen trying to prepare Will's favourite hamburger recipe.

Will: hmm... this is almost as good as Wendy's

Hannibal: *serious eye twitching*

[mysterylilycheeta]

MJ: why are you following me? Peter: because we’re dating now MJ: okay… what about Ned? Peter: we’re a package deal Ned: buy one idiot, get one free

[loversrocktvgirl2]

my mini multiverse of madness…

Soulmates (Peter Parker x Reader AU) 

word count: 1k

masterlist

Soulmates share injuries. When you broke your toe on a banister when you were ten, a boy in Queens felt the pain with you and wore a boot for two weeks. When that boy was thrown into the lockers of his school, sharp pain rang through your body, and you could feel the locker vents digging into your back, even though you weren’t anywhere near lockers. Now, you’ve never met your soulmate, but you grew to have a certain level of warmth that you felt towards them. And when you’re soon covered in bruises that you definitely did not get, you start to get worried. 

Because what’s wrong? Why would your soulmate have all of these bruises that now mark your skin, purple and yellow and sore? You’re concerned. 

But there wasn’t much you could do about it. You just kept going to school and living your normal life, and when your classmates would ask you about the bruises covering your arms, you would just shrug it off and say they belonged to your soulmate. 

You were worried that maybe they were getting beat up, the way it felt. You could be lying in bed reading when all of a sudden, you felt like someone was punching you, trying to harm you. Your soulmate must’ve been a half-decent fighter though—you could tell when they were ducking out of harm’s way. But you grew sick and self-conscious of the bruises, and soon, you were only wearing long sleeve shirts so as to cover your arms.

One morning, you pulled on a long-sleeved white t-shirt, which you wore a graphic tee over, then threw on a pair of jeans and a beanie. You tied on your shoes and walked down the street to go to the bank to cash a check. Your great-aunt wrote you a check for twenty dollars every year about three months after your birthday—she must’ve had the date wrong on her calendar, but it was a kind gesture that you appreciated—so you strolled on down the street. You didn’t often go to the bank otherwise; so much of money transfer is electronic now, anyways. It felt like a nice tradition though, so you enjoyed going.

You got into line to talk to the woman at the front desk. Gently tapping your foot, you admired the beautiful building around you. The man in front of you turned around and gave you a look, and you stopped tapping your foot. He nodded, and moved his gaze back to facing forward. 

“EVERYBODY FREEZE!” A man suddenly shouted. “Hands up!” You turned around and saw multiple people, all with masks on, armed with guns. You threw your hands up, horrified at the sight. What on Earth…? “PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN!” 

Frightened as hell, you did what he said and put your phone on the floor. Everything felt fuzzy after that. The fear, the adrenaline, the chaos, confusion, and abnormality of the situation all got you to pass out on the ground. 

When you woke up, you were in the arms of someone who you knew. Not personally, per se, but… this was Spiderman. Everyone knew Spiderman. You let out a sharp scream of surprise, then quickly covered your mouth. “Sorry, sorry,” you said apologetically. “What just– did I– why are you–?”

“It’s all good,” Spiderman answered. He sounded a lot younger than you’d initially thought—almost like he was your own age. “There was a bank robbery. You passed out, which is fine, I mean, it’s scary, but I got rid of them, so you should be all good now? I don’t know? Have some water, maybe. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to do after you pass out. I am kind of worried about your arms, though…” he gently rolled back your sleeve to show the ugly yellow bruises that stained your skin like a coffee ring on a wooden table. 

“Oh, that’s fine, it’s my soulmate’s,” you said casually. “I think they get beaten up a lot.”

Spiderman went silent. Then, without saying a single word, he gently rolled back his sleeve to reveal bruises in the exact same places. Your mouth dropped open in shock. Your soulmate was…Spiderman? How lucky was that? Why you? And did he just…he just saved you… and he’s your soulmate?

“Are you…?” you asked nervously, not even finishing your own question. 

He knew what you meant, though. “Yeah, I think so.” He pulled off his mask, and you saw his face. He looked to be about your age, with a heart shaped face and a sharp nose. His eyes were this wonderful kind of soft blue, and he was definitely not who you’d pictured to be Spiderman. “My name’s Peter. I’m…I’m Peter Parker. And I guess I do get beat up a lot, just by like…bad guys instead of bullies in school.” 

You smiled at his honest answer. He was sweet. “Well, nice to meet you, Peter. I’m Y/N.”

“Nice name.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want some water or something…? I can google what you’re supposed to do after you pass out, I feel like this is the kind of thing I should know,” Peter rattled out.

You nodded. “It does feel like something you’d often run into in your…line of work, I guess. What do you do for work?”

“Well, right now I just go to school, but sometimes stuff with Tony Stark, y’know, Stark Industries and inventing kinds of things,” Peter informed you with a smile, pulling out his phone to google.

“Fancy,” you grinned. “Someone as smart as you should definitely know what to do if someone passes out by now.”

“Hey!” Peter playfully exclaimed at your teasing remark. “That’s not very nice, y’know. And I did just save you.”

“That you did,” you conceded with a nod. “Thanks for that, Peter.”

“You’re welcome,” Peter answered. “Google says to keep lying down and drink water.” 

“You gonna stay?”

“I promise.”

[padawansuggest]

13 yo Obi-Wan: You guys are keeping me captive 🥺

Jaster: Ob’ika, we are bringing you back to the temple to reunite with your people.

Obi-Wan: 🥺 then why am I in a cage?

Jaster: *looks pointedly at Jango covered in bite marks, bandages and a torn kute*

Jango: Jas’Buir, he’s really cute, the bites didn’t even hurt 🥺

Obi-Wan: Yeah, I’m just making friends 🥺

Jaster: *soul deep sigh* I am not letting you out of the cell so you can maul my ad again.

Jango: Buuuir, he’s just an ad’ika, lookit his ik’aad fangs, he won’t actually hurt me!

Jaster: You we’re begging me to get his fangs out of your wrist five minutes ago.

Jango: He’s just teething!!

Jaster: Jan’ika, I know you want to keep him, but he’s not even house broken yet.

Jango: Neither was I when you adopted me!! He’s chosen me! Lemme keep him!

Obi-Wan: 🥺 I will be a good boy if you stick your fingers in my enclosure 🥺

Jaster: *physically holding Jango back* No. We will revisit this when the baar’ur has given him a Xanax omfg- *dragging Jango out of the ship hold*

[nicktoons-unite-incorrect-quotes]

Jimmy: I am going to pump cerebral spinal fluid through my braincells to remove the metabolic by-products of the day's thoughts

SpongeBob:

Danny:

Manny:

Jenny:

Timmy: ...What?

Jimmy: It's called sleep and it is my bed time. Nighty-night, y'all

[fandomnerd9602]

Y/N aka Spiderpool and Peter 3 confront a Venom possessed Peter 1…

Y/N: Peter! I know you’re still in there!

Venom roars…

Y/N slaps Peter 3 on the back…

Y/N: well bud today’s your lucky day! You finally get to fight an alien!

Peter 3: I-I don’t want to anymore

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Wylan: *Missing*

Jesper: He would never just go off with someone he didn’t know in the barrel. Never

Kaz: Witnesses say the man had a baby goat in the windowless carriage

Jesper: Oh Saints

Kaz: It was wearing pyjamas

Jesper: *Sighs* …Did they see what way this carriage went?

[incorrectrotgquotes]

Hiding in the shadows. Hiding from who you truly are! You can't escape yourself!

Pitch to Jack Frost

[lilstephenlover]

Wong: how much longer are we going to let them do that? Stephen: *rubbing the bridge of his nose* just... just give him a minute Y/N: *still pushing the doors of sanctum that are clearly labeled pull*

[angelofthenight]

You: I'm sure you can make friends if you tried, Stephen!

Stephen: Easy for you to say. Everyone loves you

You: What? You're exaggerating-

Maguire!Peter: Hello, (y/n)! Lovely morning we're having *kisses hand*

Garfield!Peter: (y/n), you're radiant as always ;D

Holland!Peter: It's great to see you, (y/n)! Want to join me later for coffee?

Stephen: ...

You: Yeah OK maybe everybody does love me

[theycallmeinterstellar]

BIRTHDAY BOY

God, now he's my same age... no way, NO WAY HE'S MY SAME AGE

[loversrocktvgirl2]

my mini multiverse of madness…

Catfish (Peter Parker x Reader) 

Warnings: Mild cursing

You were Peter’s childhood best friend. When it came time for him to move in to the Avengers Tower, Aunt May was insistent that he bring someone with him to bring a sense of normalcy to the situation. She visited him constantly, of course, but she wanted someone who wasn’t a superhero to be around to keep him grounded and keep him in check. And he picked you. 

You were one of his favorite people, and when you’d agreed to live in the Avengers tower, he let out a huge sigh of relief. You thought it was fun, honestly, being around all of the Avengers and all of the cool and unique technology that Tony Stark had created. The Avengers had taken a liking to you, too. Natasha especially. As she said, “we could always use a little more feminine energy around here.” 

In general, you were a pretty cheerful person, but when you casually twirled into the kitchen, humming to yourself as you unwrapped the bagel bag, Peter knew something was up. You looked really… happy. “Someone’s in a good mood,” Bruce commented with a soft smile. He really was quite sweet and nice when he wasn’t being the Hulk. 

“I’ve got a date tonight,” you smiled. 

Well. 

You might’ve been really happy about this, but Peter certainly wasn’t. He adored you. No one was ever going to be good enough for you, not even him. And it was this thought that kept him from telling you how he felt. His jealousy overtook him slightly. Why did you have to go on a date? Who was it even with? Did he know the guy? Did he need to scare him, did he need to welcome him (ugh, not that), did he need to follow him? 

“That sound nice,” Bruce said pleasantly. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Someone I met online, I’ve known him for a few months, and he asked me out about a week ago,” you explained. 

“Where’d you meet him online?” Peter asked, before he could think to stop himself. He internally facepalmed. You probably didn’t want to be bombarded with questions, and the more information he knew, the more likely he was to get super overprotective. But were you even his to protect?

“It was on a forum for the students of the schools in the area, it’s safe,” you shrugged. “We hit it off. He’s real nice, I like him.” 

UGH!! No, no, no, no, no! Why’d you have to say that? Peter felt his jealously flare up inside of him. Why did you have to say that you liked the guy? Don’t like him, like me! Inside of his head, he was screaming. But it wasn’t really fair of him, if he thought about it. He’d never done anything to make you feel like he might be interested in you. Sure, he’d done that to try and preserve the friendship, but it was still on him. He didn’t deserve to feel this jealous. It wasn’t his place. So why did he still feel like this?

“Okay,” was all he said, giving you a small nod. 

“Where are you going out?” Natasha asked as she walked in through the kitchen, sipping her black coffee. 

“Some restaurant nearby,” you shrugged. 

Natasha shrugged and nodded. “Sounds nice. I hope you have a good time. We’ll try our best to keep that area of the city clear from catastrophe.”

You grinned. “Thanks, Nat.” 

Natasha nodded in response, and had another sip of her coffee. “Alright, I’m gonna go give Fury some shit for going against one of my suggestions, again. See you later.” She kissed the top of your head on the way out. Bruce smiled.

— — —

“Hey, Peter, I heard Y/N’s going on a date?” Tony asked him casually later. Peter nodded. “What’s his name, where’d she meet him?”

“Some online forum for high school students in the area,” Peter shrugged. “I don’t know what his name is. Apparently, they’ve been talking for a few months, and they’re gonna go out to dinner someplace tonight.”

Tony froze, then he turned to Peter. “We’re seriously going to let her go on a date with some guy she met online that we don’t even know??”

Peter shrugged forlornly. “She’s her own person, she gets to make her own decisions, I guess.” 

Tony sighed. “Jesus. No. Nuh-uh. There is no way that this is safe. We’re gonna find him. What’s the code to her phone?” 

Peter’s eyes widened, looking surprised at Tony’s question. “Uhh… it’s four-seven-two-seven. Why? What are you…doing?” Tony had left the room and returned a moment later with your phone in his hand. He typed in the code, and gave Peter a thumbs up. “Wh-what? Mr. Stark?” Tony began playing around with the apps on your phone, and once he found the guy’s account, he began typing on his own computer. 

“I’m not letting her go on a date with this guy unless I can get the full run-down on him,” Tony insisted, searching through the information on his computer. 

“Why don’t you just ask her?” Peter suggested, trying to protect your privacy a little bit. But he secretly really, really wanted to get the run-down, just like Tony did. 

“She’s got the rose-colored glasses on, it’s not objective,” Tony answered. “...Holy shit, Peter, get over here.”

Peter ran over to the computer screen that Tony was standing in front of. The guy? Well, his account that you had sure made him look like an average sixteen year old boy who lived in Queens, but Tony was able to find out otherwise. He was a thirty-two year old man who’d been arrested once before, scary-looking and definitely not a harmless boy your age. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Peter muttered. “God. We can’t let her go out with him, he’s…he’s gonna hurt her. Why is she talking to him? What’s… what’s she said to him? Oh, God…”

“Told you we needed a background check,” Tony said. “We’re gonna go get him, alright? If she asks, it’s a quick mission for Fury, and nothing else. We’ll only scare her more if she finds out he was trying to catfish her.” 

Peter nodded. “Are we… are we gonna track him or something…?” 

“I got it,” Tony assured. “You and I are gonna take care of him, and kick that guy’s ass.” 

— — — 

You flopped onto the couch in your sundress, makeup perfectly done, and slid off your heels. Your date had never shown up, and you were devastated. Peter was sitting on the couch, and he could feel your distress. 

“Why would he ditch me?” you asked Peter softly. “Is it the dress?”

“No, no, the dress is good,” Peter assured. The guilt was seeping into him. He knew he’d done the right thing by protecting you and getting the guy arrested, but now you thought your date had just decided not to take you out. “I’m serious. You look cute.”

You gave him a sad smile. “Thanks.” You sighed. “Guess I don’t have much luck with this kind of thing.” 

Peter’s heart melted just a little hearing that. You didn’t deserve this, and he knew it. He could treat you so much better than this. He needed to tell you. 

“Y/N, I…” Peter’s voice trailed off. Then you looked over at him, and he just… he just couldn’t do it. “...you look nice.”

“Thanks, Peter,” you replied quietly. “You’re a good guy.” You leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder and sighed softly, disappointed. It broke his heart a little to see you so upset. But your words rung around in his bed. You’re a good guy. Was he? Or did you just see him that way? He’d protected you, but at what cost? You looked so…sad. Dammit. He wrapped his arm around you and held you to his side. 

[harringroveera]

It’s canon that Steve writes in his diary about Billy