#the way he didnt even know why he was so angry
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eloise175 · 11 months ago
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Callisto when Penelope rejected him in the greenhouse and life was not all so kiss kiss fall in love get married like he manifested
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angy hamster Callisto because he could in fact not wife Penelope up just like that (next time he tries to get her to wife him up, trophy husband Callisto is true and he can hurt you)
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greencarnation · 1 year ago
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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him
#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds#but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve#when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was#but ok listen#its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him#episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun#episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind#and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people#episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing#all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror#like obviously we know why but amy didnt#this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry#and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate#you would make a good dalek ect ect ect#anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go#i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great#doctor who#eleven#amy#eleventh doctor#matt smith#dr who#dw#i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him#eleven was careening completely out of control#how long til doctor means warrior indeed?#mine
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luck-of-the-drawings · 3 months ago
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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quietwingsinthesky · 10 months ago
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for the ship ask game, have you ever thought about simm!master/eleven? would you like to?
would i ever!!!!!!
this was the basis of one of my posts about little amy so long ago. a hypothetical s5 where the master sticks with the doctor after he regenerates. but like can we talk about how insane that dynamic between him and amelia, the literal eight year old, would be. look at me. one of the defining things of eleven's run is that the first face he saw was amy's. seared onto his hearts!!! now, imagine that happens in a world where the master did everything right to be that person, and it was still amy. the tardis crashed, and the doctor went one way and the master went the other, and by the time the master drags himself soaking wet out of what was the swimming pool and into amelia's garden, the doctor is already having dinner with some random human child.
things simm!master is not above: being a little bitch to amy about this. yes, even when she's eight. (amelia pond with her stories about her magical raggedy doctor!! ...and the trash rat who crawled out of his time machine after him and threatened to eat her. wait okay hold on i know im getting distracted here but aslkjdalkjsd rory who amy makes dress up as the doctor vs mels who insists on dressing up as the master because she craves violence and an excuse to bite people.)
ANYWAY. god. eleven who is this bottomless well of grief and rage. and the master who is so much like him in this incarnation. silly goofy guys who burn too bright, burn up everything and everyone around them. what is simm!master if not a version of eleven untempered by kindness. i wonder what the master would have to say about a version of the doctor who is aware of how scared people are of him and uses it to his advantage. who scares the rest of the universe so much that they try to lock him away and kill him and do anything they can to get rid of him. when they lock the doctor up in the pandorica, does the master give him the final shove into the chair or is he a few feet away, just barely restrained, impotently snapping and snarling to prevent this?
but never looking at it directly, right? neither of them would be able to. not at what's between them, not at what came before. if you don't talk about that time you both saved each other, then maybe you can pretend it didn't happen.
i think the master would make eleven worse, no doubt about it. i think eleven might just make the master a little better, and he'd hate that but that wouldn't stop it from happening. they might find some sort of equilibrium, just this once, a little willing to bend in the aftermath of the events of the end of time. that part of the master that will be missy one day wakes up. the part of the doctor that was once the time lord victorious gets a last glorious breath. they can have that, together.
okay. okay. one last thing. gets ill thinking about eleven who is so physically affectionate being that way with the master. with mr 'im going to kiss my wife i married for political gain like im starving'. with mr 'time lord telepathy does not require physical contact but if we don't touch foreheads right now ill die'. with mr 'fuck u but also im gonna die in your arms, don't leave or let me go before everything falls quiet.' thinks about eleven touching him and hugging him and kissing him and- thinks about the master recoiling from it, hackles raised, or shoving the doctor away when he does. thinks about the doctor not stopping. thinks about the master getting accustomed to his touch, taking it greedily. (thinks about missy kissing the doctor to greet him later.)
yeag <3
[put any ship in my ask box and i’ll give my brutally honest opinion]
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.
'you gotta sing this softer'
'what'
'this is mozart'
'this is vitellia'
'this is mozart'
'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'
'this is mozart'
'i wanna murder a guy'
'this is mozart'
'...'
'softer. gentle. mozart'
'...ok'
#they're killing me here#i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS#THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here#i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get#it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not#but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out#WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps#are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye#grrrrrrrr im so angry#i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring#please understand my vision im begging you
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mydetheturk · 2 years ago
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So I'm working on my latest dark tower read (still) and I finally picked up my copy of Gunslinger. And I Remembered Where I Am in it and I stared at my kindle like "I don't. I don't want to go through this again. It hurts that it happens, that this is the First Book But I Don't Want To Do This Scene Again"
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tornoaserjo · 10 months ago
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Me pot que les meues amigues s'enfaden perquè no els done la raó cegament als seus novios
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bazelgeuce · 7 months ago
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I can't sleep :(
Rant in tags it's long
#i didnt want to but like i didnt really have a choice#i feel like an asshole in this situation even though Objectively i'm not#but it's because i'm 99% sure i burned bridges for bf too not just me#this would be an angry brother posting but. this isn't about how much i dislike the guy it's about how much i CARE#if your partner's brother was drunk as hell would you hide the key to his bike?#would you try to prevent his grandma from telling him she found it; knowing that she knows he's shitfaced?#knowing they'll give him the key and let him drive away?#knowing they'll forget that this is not the first time and won't be the last? that he crashes the bike at least once every 2 weeks#knowing that they're denying what drunk looks like due to past trauma with alcoholism (not the issue but relevant)#if your partner's brother was drunk; obtained the key; put it in the ignition threatening to drive somewhere ON A FUCKING BIKE#would you call the cops? because i did. i know acab and all but like.#do i just let him drive away and crash for possibly the double digit-th time? definitely can count it on two hands#do i let him drive away drunk and possibly never come back?#do i let that come to pass? i literally would never forgive myself. i dont even like the guy but i dont wish ill upon him#we tried so hard to prevent her from telling him. we really did. i know she was trying to calm him down but like. idk man#i feel fucked up and i dont know why#i wasn't trying to put him in jail i was trying to save his life. not that he would believe me or care#unfortunately for him his bike was against him. it is visually fucked up and battered and you can Tell it's been crashed multiple times#but what makes me the angriest is that his grandma and mom don't seem to fucking care? like AT ALL#they know he's drunk but they just care about not having conflict (as if that'll solve anything)#bf told him 'if you get on that bike im calling the cops' which is obvs met with 'do it pussy'#so i walked away and called them. he thought i was bluffing the whole time. i was not. they need to learn that shits not cool#everything is so fucking nuanced it's ridiculous. my hands were tied i genuinely didnt see any other way#if you read all this you are a trooper and i'm sorry you wasted your time on my drama but i needed to get this out and maybe i can sleep#its fucking 3:09am rip
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talkorsomething · 10 months ago
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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gravegoer · 3 months ago
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OMG sevika x reader who fills in for silco after he dies?? 🤍 but sevika is oddly shocked at her kindness—
Sevika's boss ꩜
i absolutely love this idea ! sevika pledging her loyalty to you whilst you pledge yours to her !! so this is how you met + how you treat her on the job.. and off (i fear silco didnt provide a safe work environment)
visit my masterlist HERE , part 2
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Zaun needed a new leader, and you just so happened to be the second in line to the throne.
You had the option to throw Sevika out if you really wanted a different right hand man. But in your opinion, if she worked for SIlco; she would work for you.
You'd never met her before, only heard the things that Zaunites whispered about her on the street
" She took on three men at the last drop yesterday. I think Silco put her up to it. "
" The way she looked at me made me think I was going to meet my end. "
Silco was no gentle ruler, he was strong and fierce. You could only imagine how he treated his goons, and and only Gods know how he treated Sevika.
You sat in his office chair, displeased with the scattered papers on his desk and the old whiskey in a glass that now smelled rank.
You had called her in to have a chat, so that you knew who you were really working with. Not knowing what to expect; you watched as the door creaked open and you nervously drew in a quick breath.
In walked a tall woman, definitely over 6', obviously muscular with one prosthetic arm. Your eyes traveled up to her face, and now you knew why everyone talked about her gaze. It was steely and almost frightening. She looked you up and down with something in her eyes that you couldn't place. Her skin was littered with scars, the biggest one was smack dab across her cheek. How intimidating.
You spoke to her, firmly but gently, "As you know, I'm taking over for Silco until things can be.. sorted out-"
She cut you off with a brisk, "Get to the point."
You eyed her full lips as she said this, the gap between her teeth was more prominent when she spoke. Not to mention her husky voice, she sounded tired but with still a hint of determination.
"I'm not demoting you or anything, just so you know," you spoke while raising an eyebrow at her, "I just wanted to get to know you before I start ordering you around, y'know?"
She narrowed her eyes at this statement. Its obvious she expected you to immediately ask her to do things for you the way she did for her former boss. Always running around the city cleaning up his mess, fighting his battles. But no. You weren't Silco. There was something different in the air around you.
Now that you've officially met its time to put this girl to work !!
She was almost always available. This concerned you. If you asked for her presence she would be there within minutes. It was like she was waiting for you at the door 24/7.
This made you bring up off days to her, "You know, if you ever need time off or anything don't hesitate to ask me. I don't bite"
She was confused at your willingness to let her do nothing but sit around while you did the work. And even after you said this she never asked to be called off.
"Okay, you know what. If you're injured after a mission don't even think. About trying to leave your house," You called her in to run some errands but what she didn't tell you is that she got stabbed roughly in her side the night before.
This made her angry, did you think she was weak? You're making her take a break because she didn't do her job good enough for you? Trying to cut her pay by putting her out of work?
But no, surprisingly in the next few days you sent her out again, and when she came back you slid a hefty bag of coins her way. She questioned your ways but she wasn't complaining.
You tried never ask absurd or unnecessary things of her. If you needed to talk with someone in the city you would go down and do it yourself. She caught you out one day, talking to a shop owner about prices.
"Why the hell are you out without me."
You turned around to meet her eyes (also having to crain your neck to look up at her.) "Well, I don't need a body guard to walk around you know that right?" You said, tilting your head to the side.
She drug her hand over her face at this, "You could have asked me to do it for you, I'm free. Plus don't you know anyone could be trying to get at you? Are you an idiot?"
"I can handle myself Sevika. But if you're soo worried about me ill let you come next time," You teased before turning around to speak to the owner again.
She grumbled to herself before taking a seat in one of the old chairs behind you and crossing her arms. If you didn't know any better you would think a small embarrassed blush kissed her cheeks.
When you walked around in the streets with you she always walked behind you, looming over your shoulder. Sometimes you thought she would start barking if anyone came up to you. You slowed down a bit to match her pace before latching onto her arm.
Her body tensed at your touched and she looked down at you, though you didn't meet her gaze as you continued looking forward. The neon lights illuminating the angles of your face. She shook her head at your willingness to touch her, but didn't comment on it.
You felt the flex of her bicep when she tensed up at your fingers. Her arm was hot under your touch and you could feel the scars that littered her skin.
This became routine, when Sevika walked you home late at night she would get comfortable enough to drape her arm around your shoulder, her poncho sheltering you from the cold.
And yes, she started walking you home at night because she stayed in your office to keep you company whilst you did paperwork into the late hours. Saying, "Its the least I could do since you don't let me do it for you."
Lighting a cigarillo she sat on the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. The smoke wafted from her position to your nose, the smell oddly comforting.
When you groaned and dropped your head into your hands it was her queue to get up and pull your chair out from your desk.
"Its too late, you should get home."
Sometimes you'd fall asleep in at your desk, but this was no problem. Sevika would pick you up, gently as to not disturb you and carry you to your home. And she was careful to walk through quieter places in the city so that the hustle and bustle of people didn't wake you.
And yes she tucks you in.
If you really insisted on staying to do paperwork she would grumble a few curses but stay anyway.
You were starting to grow on her. Maybe being cuter than Silco gave you some brownie points.
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thank you for reading ! if you sent an ask in the past few days, don't worry, I'm getting to them all :) I appreciate all the support !! ♡♡
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its-no-biggie · 2 years ago
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YES and i just wanna add that like. as a kid who didnt lash out and wasnt mean or nasty, but instead overcorrected in the other direction and was terrified to exhibit any traits that might be considered unlikeable- watching a bunch of rotten assholes, who find each other unbearable to be around, figure out how to love each other anyway?? seeing them be asshole-ish or lazy or controlling and still be accepted for it?? it gives you hope! when youre used to burying everything about yourself that could possibly be percieved as negative, seeing a bunch of dudes be unapologetically themselves and not shy away from all their worst traits, even when the people around them explicitly tell them that they dont like those traits, and STILL find a way to connect with each other makes it feel like you can do that too. that there might be someone out there who would accept the "bad" version of you. the authentic version. it tells you that even people with bad traits are worthy of love, when youve been implicitly told otherwise your entire life.
Say what you want about rvb but when you're a teenager who's in the worst fucking situationbin the world and you're nasty and mean and awful to the world around you in response and here's this fucking show about a bunch of assholes who are just as fucked up as you and allowed to fuck up and be awful and nasty and terrible to each other and still at the end of the day be wanted and loved and forgive it because they know they're all just as fucked as each other. It means something man! That's a fucking lifeline at that age! Yeah yeah it's a red flag to call rvb relatable I DON'T GIVE A SHIT when you're fucked in the head it's NICE to know that you're not fucking alone like that! It's nice to know that there's some other asshole in the world who wouldn't truly judge you for it! It's a RELIEF to hear you could be the worst person in the world and someone would still forgive it. Do you UNDERSTAND.
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malewifesband · 9 months ago
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i see it often that people do not see laios liking kabru, but in reality laios does like kabru! quite a lot for a guy that (from his perspective) he just met! laios forgetting kabrus exact name is not evidence of disinterest in any way--hes only heard it a couple of times, he struggles with small details (unless you want to argue laios also doesnt give a shit about marcille, chilchuck and senshi, he also forgets small details about them. if you do think this, i think dungeon meshi may be too advanced for you. stick to bluey.), and the man has autism. like near explicitly.
laios offers food from their limited supplies because kabru showed an interest in eating monsters, and makes him an omelette so he can have something to eat even though other food was already being prepared. he listens to kabrus criticism of his behavior and mindset in trying to protect falin even though she was straight up killing people, and tries to drag kabru to safety. he watches kabru defuse the situation between himself and toshiro masterfully, and confides in him how hurt he is that toshiro is so angry and how he mustve done something truly awful to upset him like that. when kabru tells him that meeting him was the best part of his time in the dungeon, laios agrees and says its the same for him (remember: laios doesnt do empty platitudes well--if he said it, he meant it).
when kabru leaves, we get three fucking panels in a row of laios staring after him, flexing the hand kabru was just holding, and reflecting on kabrus words ("next time..?")
when kabru shows up again deep in the dungeon, chilchuck is suspicious, but laios is so excited to see him that he throws caution to the wind and lets kabru hold his hand again despite seconds later crossing succubus off his list of shapeshifters that could be appearing as kabru--a carelessness around monsters and danger laios rarely exhibits. when kabru gives his warning about the canaries, laios is grateful. he notices how often kabru saves his skin
when lycion reveals that kabru lied about wanting to eat the omelette laios made, it breaks his heart because he made that with love! he made it for kabru, and kabru didnt like it, and now he knows kabru was just playing at friendship to use him. that breaks his heart, hes distraught, but he doesnt have time to be hurt about it when marcille needs his help urgently so he turns to run to her. he apologizes to kabru and tries to leave again. he isnt listening to what kabru is saying here because kabru was just revealed as a liar and because it doesnt really cohere (kabru is stuttering and speaking in broken sentences as he tries to explain about the dungeons power) and he needs to save marcille
he doesnt believe kabru wanted to be his friend, because who would? why would laios be special enough, loveable enough, to go through the pains kabru went through, just to be his friend? but when kabru makes the intensity of his desire known, laios promises to feed him again, at a proper restaurant --and again, food is care for laios, to feed someone is to love them. marcille is still his priority bc she is in real danger but he means what he says, he really does want to start over with kabru and be real friends with him
once we hit the resolution of the story, kabru near glues himself to laios, helping him and trying to cement himself as a right-hand man, and making known his intent to support laios no matter what. in the medieval manuscript style epilogue, kabru is one of two friends that stick by laios as he becomes king. both marcille and kabru become the people closest to him (besides falin of course), two friends who will always support him, always let him know when hes fucked up and theyre mad at him, two friends who he can rely on. laios did not have to accept kabru as an advisor, he did not have to ask him to stay with him. he did that because after everything, he trusts kabru now, and knows he can count on him
while laios doesnt give any big monologues about what he likes about kabru, its very clear he does, and we know what things laios values in other people. he appreciates kabrus social skills (very clear in the post canon comic in the adventurers bible), his intelligence, that kabru WANTS to be around him and understand him even though its difficult, his strength, and frankly he does appreciate his charm (three fucking panels straight of staring after him). laios really values people with specialized skillsets who are willing to tell him frankly what they think and advise him in areas he is weak in (something we see in his relationship with... i was gonna say namari but its everyone. he does this with everyone he likes. and in the resolution kabru does this CONSTANTLY he does not go a panel without giving laios his professional opinion on how to deal with people).
in conclusion: arent you hungry, kabru? let laios make something for you
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i-cant-sing · 10 months ago
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Time Traveller AU pt3
Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 4 is here. Find the AU masterlist here! Check out my MASTERLIST here.
"This is so unnecessary" you whispered to the man sitting behind you. "Everyone's staring." Your eyes scanned over the mass of people in town, as your horse passed through.
You thought you would get your own horse, but Baldwin had other plans apparently, as he just picked you up from your armpits and plopped you in front of him on his horse.
You could feel him smiling from ear to ear. "I think they're just in awe of your beauty. I would suggest getting used to the stares, now."
You rolled your eyes. "Dont flatter me. I know how I look, besides- I was referring to us sharing a horse. Its unnecessary and its why everyones looking at us."
"I think its unnecessary to get another horse for you. You dont know how to ride them, and believe me when I tell you- these horses are wild. I dont want you to get hurt when they kick you off." He teased.
You scoffed. Alright, maybe you werent an equestrian, but how hard would it be to ride a horse anyways? Didnt Baldwin learn to ride one when his right arm was paralysed and he had to do with his thighs mostly to control the horse?
"Still, I couldve gotten a carriage. Or better yet walked? Maybe even ride a horse with someone else-" You quieted down as you felt a pair of lips peck behind your ear.
"Dont even think about it. Why would I let anyone touch you, be this close to my princess-" his arm snaked around your waist and pulled you back closer to him. "Wouldnt you prefer your soon-to-be-husband to help you instead?" He whispered as his hand slowly found its way to rest on your belly, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Heat rose to your cheeks as you pulled his hand away and smacked it when it tried to touch your waist again. "Behave, Baldwin." You admonished with a smile as people looked at you. You dont want to create a scene (especially not one where history would report some lady smacking King Baldwin).
You getting flustered and angry only made him chuckle, as he leaned down to give the back of your head a kiss.
Enough with the PDA already. Arent medieval times supposed to be more conservative?
Ugh. Your lips formed into a thin line. Maybe he'll back off when you reach Salauddin and he sees how other Muslims act.
With some entourage accompanying you guys, you travelled away from the kingdom for almost an hour or so until you crossed that one sand dune beyond which Salauddin and his people were camping.
Before reaching the dessert, you had asked Baldwin if he had something that you could cover yourself up with. You want to adhere to the customs and not accidentally piss off one of the greatest Muslim rulers. Sure, you could've worn something more concealing before leaving the castle, but neither of you wanted people to know that you two were going to meet Salauddin.
Baldwin nodded and in one swift motion, he had removed his cloak and wrapped it around you, bringing the hood over you.
"But- what about you?" you looked back at him with wide eyes. People didnt just wear full length clothes back then just because of modesty, but also to protect their skin from sun damage.
He smiled. "I'll be fine, princess." No, you wont. And you're not risking yet another historical change by having the king of Jerusalem getting skin cancer.
Immediately, you tore off the bottom of your tunic and made a keffiyeh (a headdress) which covered both his head and his face. "There, now we can go."
From the keffiyeh, only his eyes were visible, which crinkled up. "Did you cover me up because you dont want women staring at me in awe?"
"What? Of course not. You just recovered from leprosy. Your skin would be sensitive to the harsh sun and heat of the desert-" He cut you off by laughing lightly.
"Whatever you say, princess. Whatever you say."
As you neared the camps, you saw men dressed in battle armour coming out of the tents, and you from the way he walked, the way he dressed, even his mere presence could make you recognise Salauddin from a mile away.
The horse stopped and Baldwin got down first before helping you down. You followed him as he walked towards Salauddin, who was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. An erie silence settled all around you, the sound of air whooshing being the only thing audible for a few moments. Salauddin stared into Baldwin, while men from both sides glared at each other, one hand on their swords, ready to fight.
"Salam alaikum." Baldwin spoke first.
Peace be upon you.
You heart dropped for a second when Salauddin didnt reply back immediately. With your hood covering your face, you couldnt exactly see his expressions, only resorting to his body language and sounds to anticipate his mood.
Salauddin's lip quirked up. "Walaikum asalaam." He opened his arms and both men embraced each other for a few moments and you could feel the tension around you finally melting away as men from both sides finally started conversing with each other normally now that their kings were talking amicably.
Salauddin patted his back and raised a brow at you. "Who taught you the keffiyeh to cover that sore face of yours?" Baldwin chuckled. "My fiancee- Y/n, princess come here will you?" You walked closer to Baldwin. "This is Y/n, and we're both here today to invite you to our wedding. Darling, say hi, will you?"
You gulped. "Assalamu alaikum".
Salauddin's ears perked up. "Walaikum asalam. That was perfect pronunciation. Have you been taught by Arab scholars?"
"About that..." Baldwin chuckled nervously. "Y/n, why dont you go there with the ladies? They seem pretty eager to meet you." Salauddin nodded his head and a couple of women, all wearing burqas approached you. "This is princess Y/n. Take good care of her." Salauddin told them as they took you to their tent, where only women remained.
Meanwhile, Salauddin let Baldwin in to his tent.
"So, whats the secret?" Salauddin asked as he sat down, beckoning Baldwin to do the same.
He took a deep breath. "Y/n is... a Muslim."
Salauddin blinked at him. "What?"
"She's Muslim." He repeated. "So could you just tell me about the Islamic wedding ceremony? Nikkah, right?"
Salauddin stared at him. "Are you joking?"
"No."
"You cant marry her, Baldwin."
"Why not?"
"Because she's a Muslim and you're Catholic!"
"So? I havent seen it stop Muslims from marrying non muslims."
"No- only muslim men can marry non muslim women. It doesnt work the other way around."
"Salauddin, thats sexist."
"Its not sexist- nevermind, I cant help you understand it. But no, you cant marry a Muslim woman."
"What if... shes not Muslim?" Salauddin gave him a puzzled look. "I... believe Y/n may be using religion as an excuse not to marry me."
"If she doesnt want to marry you, why do you wanna marry her?"
"She does want to marry me, she's just... confused. Look, Salauddin. She cured me- CURED leprosy. This doesnt happend to anyone. She- she has something holy about her. How else do you explain this miracle?"
"So what? You think God and what- Jesus? chose this girl for you? That they gave her healing hands to cure your disease? You think shes of divinity?"
Baldwin smiled softly. "I do." Salauddin rolled his eyes. "Youre infatuated with her, Baldwin. Its temporary. She performed some magic, or tricks and you think she's divine? Do not make a fool of yourself."
"Then explain how I suddenly got well, Salauddin. Youve travelled the world, you sent me your best Arab healers, you believe in sciences- explain to me how I was cured of my incurable disease."
Salauddin gazed at the young king. "Let me guess, she claimed that she's been sent by Almighty God to cure the King and save Jerusalem, and in return, you must marry her or give her your throne to fulfil some prophecy?"
Baldwin chuckled, leaning back against the ottoman a bit. "Actually, she's been denying that she did anything to help me, she keeps on making excuses to marry me, she avoids my affection- and if I'm being honest, attention." Salauddin's eyes furrowed a bit. What game are you playing?
"Maybe... Black magic?" Salauddin is well aware of witchcraft, its been mentioned by his religion too.
Baldwin shrugged. "She's far too angelic to be associated with that. I'm sure there would be prominent signs if she was involved in any sort of magic or witchcraft."
Salauddin was about to reply but just then, his guards came running in.
"Salauddin! There's a sandstorm coming!" Immeadiately both kings sprung up.
"Tie up the animals! Tell everyone to get in and take cover!" Salauddin barked orders at his men.
The women in your tent were immediately informed of the situation and they quickly started taking measures, with the men outside helping to nail down the tent and gathering the baby animals and children, bringing them inside the tent.
You got up to leave and go to Baldwin, but the women pushed you back down, telling you its not safe to leave.
"The storm is here! You can't leave now!" Well, alright then. You plopped back down on your seat, when you heard someone cry out loud and your eyes immeadiately saw the liquid on the floor.
Of course it was the pregnant lady.
The woman had went into labour and everyone rushed to help her. Everyone but you. Nuh uh, youre not meddling in this time, lest anyone else accuses you of having magic healing hands.
Another harrowing scream pierced through the room, with the harsh winds threatening to blow away the tent adding on to the tension.
Maybe I could just stand near them, just to make sure they are using proper hygiene. Or actually just to see how midwifes worked in the past. Yes, its for science.
You stood near the midwifes, out of their work field because you dont want to be an obstacle. Of course, you may have had caught the sight of the poor woman and her... vagina, which youre ashamed to say has made you sick to your stomach because child birth is not a beautiful phenomenon and fuck this shit youre never having babies.
After almost an hour, the baby was finally out. The stench of sweat and blood and the nightmarish sights you'd caught glimpses of had made you want to throw up when suddenly the enviorment turned gloomy. And it hit you.
The baby wasnt crying.
The mother who was previously crying from labour, was now crying due to a different kind of pain.
You felt for her, you truly did. Carrying a child for 9 months, making sure to take every precaution, not to mention the constant prayers for a healthy baby (and for some, specifically a boy) otherwise the mother would be blamed.
The midwife put the dead baby in the bassinet beside you before tending back to the grieving mother, who was still bleeding from down there.
"Poor Fatima." You heard one of the women whisper to her friend. "To wait for 8 years before she finally conceived... only for her child to die before he could even take his first breath."
Your heart broke as you heard them, the woman sobbed inconsolably. You turned your head to look at the baby in the bassinet and subconsciously, you wondered what went wrong.
Doesnt look like he was choked by the umbilical cord... and he doesnt look cyanotic either, so he probably wasnt dead inside the womb. Your eyes widened. Maybe-!
Your hands went to pick up the baby before halting mid air. No. No. I cant interfere- I cant mess with history more than I already have. I cant save a child who was destined to die-
Your head whipped to the woman who let out a shrill, devastating cry, begging God to let her son live.
Fuck it. You picked up the baby. Maybe this baby was destined to live.
Immeadiately you checked for breathing before putting the baby on a table nearby and placed two fingers on the left side of his chest, starting compressions.
"1. 2. 3-" you muttered under your breath, trying to recall what was drilled into your head when you were attending first aid classes. Pinching the baby's nostrils, you breathed into his mouth, eyes watching as his chest rise and drop. You repeated the compression set 2 more times when the baby finally took a huge breath and began crying.
Picking up the baby, you ran towards the bucket of water and started cleaning the baby's head and face off the mix of blood and amniotic fluid, while massaging his back and his feet to encourage him to breathe on his own.
After a few minutes, you turned around to cover the baby with a cloth swaddling him up nicely and thats when you finally looked around you.
Everyone was staring at you in shock, the sound of the baby crying echoing the silence.
Shit. You rocked the baby gently as you handed him to his mother, who also looked at you in shock with tear streaks on her cheeks. I hope... they didnt see me do CPR.
Yes, damage control. Thats what you need to do. You cleared your throat. "Um- yes, Allah has blessed you with a beautiful son. Lets be grateful to Him." And the women slowly began talking again and agreeing, some saying that they'll go give sadaqah (charity to please God) while others were going to go pray.
When you turned around, you saw Baldwin and Salauddin standing at the entrance of the tent, the former having a beaming smile while the latter looked in surprise.
Maybe it was the stench of sweat and blood in the room, maybe it was emotional situation you went through (high key nauseating), or maybe it was the mix of amniotic fluid and blood on your mouth from when you saved the baby, but the next moment, you lost consciousness.
-
When you woke up, you noticed you were in a different, much bigger tent. Rubbing your eyes, you sat up with a groan.
"You're finally awake." You looked up to see Salauddin sitting at his desk in the other corner-
Salauddin? Your hands went to draw your hood over your face but you realised your (or well, Baldwin's) cloak had been replaced with a cotton niqaab that veiled your entire face except for your eyes.
Standing up, you looked in his direction. "Where's Baldwin?"
You heard him chuckle darkly. "He left."
"He left?" You heard him walk over to you, and instinctively you took a step back, narrowing your eyes at his audacity.
He towered over you, face neutral as he looked down at you. His hand gestured to his right, where a chess set was placed on a table.
"Do you play?" He asked, eyes never leaving yours.
Hesitantly, you nodded. He sat down, beckoning you to do the same.
"Ladies first." He let you start the game. "I should tell you though- if you wish to leave out of this place alive, you'll have to win."
What the shit? Is this some sort of psychological game? Or is this actually happening? I mean, people in the medieval times were crazy. Just because he's muslim shouldnt excuse him from insanity.
You picked up the white pawn. "Where is Baldwin?"
"I told you, he's gone." He moved his black pawn. "He sold you to me."
You looked up at him. What? "Focus on the game. You do not wish to know what will your fate be if you were to lose this game." You immediately picked up your bishop and moved it.
Salauddin clicked his tongue as he took your bishop. You moved your pawn again. "Why- why would he sell me? I'm his fiancee." You asked, your eyes never leaving the board. You're playing for your life here.
"Well, when we saw you use black magic to save that baby- oh, I took your other pawn too, mhm-" He smiled as he looked at your furrowed brows. "And then I told him that you cant be a muslim if you were using black magic."
"Black magic? When did I use it?!" you asked exasperatedly as you lost your knight.
"We saw you muttering something when you were "saving" that child." Muttering? When was I muttering? "One of the ladies even said they heard you whisper some repetitive words to a tune too."
Repetitive words-? You wanted to bang your head against concrete when you realised he was referring to you doing compressions to the rhythm of Stayin Alive by the BeeGees. This one is not your fault because the instructor taught you guys that.
"I was not doing black magic. Even so, who are you to decide if I am a Muslim or not?" You moved your other knight.
"I am Salauddin Ayubi-"
"So?" Salauddin looked at you.
So? So? No one has ever dared to ask him questions.
"Your real name is Yusuf. Salauddin is just a laqab, hm?" Your eyes never left the board as you made your move. "Do you think you're above me? Above Baldwin? Above anyone?" You didnt let him answer as you gestured at him to continue the game. "I dont recall you being a prophet. I dont remember you being a caliph even. So, Salauddin tell me what gives you the right to judge if I'm a muslim or not?" You asked as you took his pawn.
Salauddin narrowed his eyes at you, making his bishop take another pawn of yours. You didnt let it deter you as you practically snatched the same bishop of his with your rook. "Just because youre a muslim, you think you have the right to judge me?"
He scoffed at your words, making his move but you took yet another black pawn. "I am a Muslim. I was born in a Muslim family-"
"Exactly." You took more of his black pawns as he took your white ones. The board was mostly empty now. "You were born in a Muslim family. Do you honestly believe your Lord is happy with you because you were born in the right family? Is that the essence of what being a Muslim is?" Salauddin now looked at you but you didnt let your eyes stray away from the chess board. "Are you a Muslim because you were born in a Muslim family? Or were you born in a Muslim family because Allah knew you wouldnt find your way if you werent? If you were born in a catholic family, youd be a catholic? Lets say you are a Muslim, how do you know youre a good enough Muslim who can judge me? How do you know Allah will let you in heaven when youre on Earth declaring so and so is doing magic and isnt a muslim? Only Allah can judge us, not you Salauddin Ayubi." You stated calmly as you made your final move. "Thats checkmate."
You finally looked at him, your eyes holding satisfaction at his distressed face, though he masked it well.
How you wished to reveal to him that he was playing against a grandmaster whose parents made her take chess as a hobby since she was 6 because they believed it would make her smart and get into good colleges (it did. Thanks mom and dad.)
"Salauddin, we can play chess all you want but dont lie to me. You know I wasnt doing magic, and you know that I know that Baldwin wouldnt just leave me behind. So please, tell me, where is Baldwin?" Before he could reply, you continued. "Remember, lying is a sin."
At this, his eyes finally showed amusement. "He's outside, helping the women sew a niqaab for you. He wants to embroidery a flower in or something." You rolled your eyes at that. Of course, leave it to Baldwin to do cute romantic stuff.
Salauddin leaned back in his chair as he studied you. "So, how did you bring the baby back to life?"
"I prayed to Allah." He quirked a brow at you. "I also cleared his nostrils. They were plugged with fluid, so he didnt know or couldnt breathe with his lungs. Then I just warmed up his body a bit and he was crying- the baby was never dead. You know that no one can be saved from Azrael if Allah has written for that person to die."
Angel of death.
He gave you a nod, though his eyes watched you curiously. "How were you so sure that I knew you were a Muslim?"
You shrugged. "I just did." Why wouldnt you know when he was playing chess with you to check your psychology? Not to mention, he allowed you to be covered with a niqaab even when you were unconscious and let you stay in his tent? If he even doubted that you were a non muslim, you more than likely wouldve been treated far badly.
Salauddin chuckled. Of course, youd keep your secrets. "Then you know that as a Muslim woman, you cannot marry anyone of another faith."
"I dont plan on marrying Baldwin." You scoffed. "I already rejected him and have tried to sway his mind, but hes set on his decision. I think he actually believes that Im an angel or something divine."
He quirked a brow at you. "So he's forcing you to marry him?"
"I wouldnt say force- well, actually I would say that. But he doesnt treat me badly or anything. He's very sweet, even when I avoid him."
Salauddin clicked his tongue. "I could help you." You looked at him. "You are a Muslim, a part of the ummah. I could-"
"No. If youre suggesting starting a war, no." "Well, not a war, youre not that important." Damn. He grinned at your offended eyes. "I meant, I could send some people to sneak you out or-"
"No, if Baldwin finds out youre involved in any way in my escape he would-" you cant risk an extra crusade happening because of a damsel in distress, aka you. It would put the fate of Jerusalem at risk as well as the fate of the Ayyubid dynasty.
Wait. Ayyubid dynasty. They ruled over Egypt, Syria, Palestine, Yemen and so on. But Egypt was the learning center of the Islamic world during this time because they focused on arts and education which meant they hosted the world's greatest scholars there.
"Salauddin, can you get me to Egypt?" The king of Egypt, or sultan of Egypt looked at you quizzically. "I can, but why? Do you have family there?"
"What? No, I'm not running away to Egypt. Look, I just-" you cant explain to him about your escape plan that you were going to use the help of scholars to help you make the tools which you can use to fix your broken time machine. So, you lie. "You're someone who enjoys learning, right? I know you like history and sufism, and I would just love to get to know more about it."
With his head resting on his palm, he studied you. You intrigued him, and although he sensed you had ulterior motives, he agreed. "I cant take you there personally because I am busy here, but I could send you there with some trusted men." You smiled under your veil. This is exactly what you want. And almost as if he could sense your glee, he continued. "Your madly-in-love fiance wont send you alone, or at all."
"Let me worry about Baldwin, and he'll agree because I'm not running away. I'll work on my escape another way in which no one has to die." You said, finally standing up and walking out of the tent to find Baldwin who was sitting with the other veiled women, his eyes focused on the needlework.
"Baldwin." You called out with your hands behind your back as you walked upto him.
He looked up and his eyes practically sparkled at the sight of you. "Princess!" He stood up and immediately went to hug you but you stopped him before he could, nodding your head at onlookers. "Oh right, sorry." He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, ears turning pink as the women giggled.
He then picked up the niqaab he'd been working on, the blue cloth matched the color of his eyes. "Look, I made that flower." There was embroidery done on the sleeves. And of course, amongst the mass of tiny, delicate pink and white flowers, Baldwin made the biggest, slightly wonky flower.
It brought a smile to your lips. Gosh, he's such a-
You shake your head. No. No. You cant.
"Its beautiful, Baldwin. Thank you." He grinned at your praise, nodding his head as he folded it up. Still holding the embroidered niqaab in his hand, he walked over to Salauddin and shook his head. "We should get going now. Thank you for hospitality, Salauddin." The Kurdish nodded. "Of course. You're always welcome. And if you have any more questions about our traditions and rituals, dont hesitate to reach out to me. Although your wife to be seems quite knowledgeable on the subject herself." Your eyes widened every so slightly. Did Salauddin- did he just acknowledge that you're not as dumb as he thought you were.
Baldwin smiled before leading you towards his horse, helping you get on it.
Salauddin watched as your entourage left, and his mouth twitched.
You have piqued my interest, Y/n. He called his right hand man.
"We still have spies in Baldwin's castle, right?" The man confirmed. "Excellent. Have them find out all they can about lady Y/n. And prepare a small entourage ready to go to Egypt."
"Wont we be staying here, sultan?" The man asked, confused as to why Salauddin would be leaving Jerusalem this early.
"We will, but I will make a short trip in between."
Of course, Salauddin cant just let you go to Egypt alone. The sultan will have to make proper arrangements to welcome you there.
And to find out what you're really there for.
He returned to his tent, his eyes landing on the chess board. Walking upto it, he looked at how you had defeated him.
Salauddin smirked, using his finger to knock down the white king.
It'll be fun to make Baldwin jealous.
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Part 4 is here!
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evansonlylove · 10 months ago
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he hurt me but it felt like true love
-Kai anderson x fem reader
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CW: abusive relationship, sex w/o protection, slapping, spitting, manhandling, angry kai, knife play, threatening. slut shamming. mentions of death.
summary: while kai was out running meetings for his cult, teaching and mentoring his followers he hears men of the group talking about you. About your beauty, how bad they wanted you and how much of a slut they thought you were. Rather than kai getting angry at them, he directs that anger towards you.
You loved kai more than anything. Your friends and family said it was manipulation, abuse and such, but to you he was God. Understanding that him being busy all the time helping his people wasn’t something hard for you to understand, you actually looked up to him for it.
He had promised you he’d be home intime for dinner. Dressing up nice with a pretty dress you knew he liked, putting your hair down and making his favorite food was your way to repay him for everything. Yet where was he? You couldn’t text or call him in fear of him getting upset, all you could do was wait. But even the most faithful followers get tired.
Keeping on the dress in hope that he may come back soon and wake you up to have dinner you laid in bed, thinking about him was all you could ever do. Were you dumb in love with a psychotic cult leader? Yes, you couldn’t complain since you knew what you signed up for with him but a fire lit inside you this night. Anger, you wanted to be #1 in his mind but you never were, and you were done taking it.
Somewhere in the time you fell asleep and wake up to something sharp on your neck and a familiar scent. opening your eyes and seeing kai standing at the edge of the bed right infront of you, his long blue hair falling infront of his face along with rage.
“kai? whats h-“ His hand reaches to your cheeks with a squeeze and leaning your head up to look at him while a knife pressing at your neck.
“Tell me, do you think i’m stupid y/n?” He squatted down face to face with you as he asked, never taking his eyes off of you. “Do you think you get to be some slut while with me?”
You look at him with confusion “what are you talking about kai?” you muttered out, still not being able to comprehend the situation as he woke you. You try to sit up but quickly get pushed back down and the knife being held harder against you skin
“Stay the fuck down and speak up. tell me. do you think i don’t know what you do?” And just like that, the rage from earlier comes rushing back to you in waves.
“kai i have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. you leave me hanging with dinner and come home accusing me of thing? are you serious? put the goddamn knife down.” He had never seen you like this, speaking up and being upset with him. The last thing you expected him to do was laugh, and yet that’s what he did. Laughed right in your face with a knife digging into you.
“Im not putting anything down. you know what i heard though? i heard how much you love flaunting yourself around MY members. do you know what they think of you y/n?” He laughs again almost phycotictly “They think you’re a stupid slut that’s free for grabs all because little miss y/n loves being so fucking sweet and talkative. Here’s a thought baby, why don’t you shut the fuck up and stay away from them? maybe so you won’t embarrass me like this?”
“i didnt do anything kai, i wasn’t even at the meetings today. Yes i try to help and talk to them but that’s just because i want to be a part of what you do, why can’t you see that?”
“You wanna know what i see? i see a desperate bitch begging for attention, if not from me than it’s from them. you think i have time to deal with that after all i do for you and these people? you think i don’t love you or something so you feel like you have to do all that?” He turns his head as he asks the last question, almost mocking you. You see his hand go down to his pants as he starts unzipping them slowly.
“yes. i just want your attention and love kai, can you understand that please?” Your body weakens as you say these words, suddenly you feel better by just telling him this and not keeping it in.
“You want me attention huh? and my love. Here i’ll give you allll my attention you pathetic little whore. I see how hard you try, let me reward you with my attention hm?” He gets up leaving his crotch at your heads height now. Even though you heard his sarcasm this was all you wanted, his attention in any way, shape or form. “Open that pretty little mouth for your leader, you wanted attention right? i’ll give it to you” You looked up at his though your eyelashes with doe eyes and opened your mouth just as he had asked you to do. His pants slid down with ease as he palmed himself through his underwear, he loved making you wait for it after all. All you could do was wait and wait and wait, your mouth watered at the sight of him finally taking his cock out as he stepped closer to you he slapped his tip on your lips. He spit down on his cock and into your mouth before he slipped his hard cock into it, a loud grown coming from him almost immediately.
“Is this was you wanted? here’s the fucking attention for you” He went on to fuck your mouth, one hand behind your head leading you deeper on his cock while the other pressed a cold knife against the side of your neck. “I should fucking kill you for what those guys said. But then i’d be wasting such a perfect mouth, so good at sucking me off. So..fucking.. pretty” One more thrust and he stayed deep in your throat making you gag, he stayed just like that for almost a minute. Your eyes watered with mascara running down your face and saliva down your chin before he let go as he looked down at you.
You subconsciously pressed your thighs together to please yourself in anyway and he saw it. “Oh you love this don’t you little lamb, you love being used by your God. use your words” His hand slid up your thighs before you could reply his hand was already up your dress as he was met with a surprise.
“What a fucking slut, no panties? i should’ve known this is what you wanted all along” He ran a finger through your folds and stopped right at your clit. “But, i won’t do anything until you admit what a slut you are, admit this is what you wanted”
“yes divine ruler this is what i wanted, i’m such a slut for you but only for you i swear. i’ll do better.” As promised for your honestly he began running circles on your clit. A desperate moan came from your lips, any touch from him made your body react in ways you didn’t know where possible.
“Good girl” You felt the cold knife make its way to your lips as he slid a finger into your wet pussy, you let your tongue out for him to place the knife as he finger fucked you. “what a good fucking girl you are while doing what you’re told. Do you want even more attention?” A almost embarrassing whimper came out of your mouth as he spoke.
“mhm, please” And just like that he got in his knees on the bed, placing your legs above his shoulders and his cock lying on your stomach. He leaned over you putting one hand on one side of you and the other on his cock lining up with your entrance. Relentlessly he thrusted into you making you both moan as you looked into eachothers eyes, he quickly reached for the knife again and placed at at your neck before he continued his rough thrusts.
“You’re still at my mercy, your pleasure, your orgasm… your life is all at my mercy. show me you’re worth my attention” Those words alone made you squeeze around his cock, all you want to do is please him and show him you’re worth his everything. You reached your hand behind his head and leaned him in closer as you both went in for the most passionate kiss you’ve ever shared, you were addicted to his taste. Kai fucking anderson was a drug you’d never get enough of. Your legs latched around his waist making his thrusts deeper, your moans going into the kiss before he left your lips and went on to your ear, his grunts sound like heaven in your ear. “You feel so fucking good” He whispered into your ear causing shivers to go down your spine.
“i’m all yours kai, i want you to use my body forever give me your attention whenever you please” You whispered in return. You put your hand around his holding the knife and looked into his eyes. “if i’m not enough for you i’ll kill me myself” Your legs start shaking as you got closer to your orgasm.
“That won’t be necessary my pretty slut” He leaned back up and let the knife go, both his hands went to your waist as he fucked you deeper and harder than before, using your waist to push you down to meet his thrusts. You wer sure the grip he had on you would leave bruises but you didn’t care, all you could think about was him.
“I’m gonna cum kai please, let me cum all over your cock my divine ruler” You begged as you felt him throb inside you, his thrusts getting sloppy and his face scrunching with his moans. You knew he was close and all you wanted was to be filled up by him. “fill me with your seed, please it’s all i live for, it’s all id die for kai”
“Cum for me baby, i’ll bless this fucking pussy with my cum for you” He let out his final thrusts as you came all of him, squeezing around him throwing him over the edge as he filled you up you wrapped you legs tighter around him. You threw you head back with the overwhelming pleasure he caused you, his hand quickly teacher below your neck making you look at his cock finishing inside you. He pulled out and grabbed the knife running it down your pussy, picking up his cum dripping out of you. “Open up that pretty mouth for me” Taking your tongue out again he slid the knife along it, leaving his cum on your tongue for you to swallow.
“am i worthy of you divine ruler?” Your words come out like music to his ears, he leaned down and kissed your lips before he slapped you across your cheek.
“My pathetic little slut. you’re worthy.”
He hurt you and it felt like true love.
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I hope this was good, i wrote it pretty quickly once i got the idea. I appreciate all likes, comments and reposts they make my day and show your support! requests are open♥️ -rain
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gamblersdoll · 3 months ago
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“options.”
sum. he likes to play games with you, acting like he big dog, but you can play with him too. trueform! sukuna, fighting to smut, fluff at the end, spitting, deep mating press, (somewhat.)
“whats with the face, woman?” the ancient monster only asks because you aren’t entertaining him, you aren’t throwing tantrums about him not giving you attention. “youre quiet.”
“im not going to feed into your bullshit today.” you snark back, your arms limp and fingers padding away at your phone and he quirks an eyebrow up. “im not fucking stupid, ryomen.”
ryomen?
he nodded his head slow, chuckling to lean back and rub his chin. “do you know who yer’ talkin’ to?” he asks, you must have forgotten, had to be. the fuck was your problem? youve always been an obedient pet, sometimes having your days where he can somewhat understand and help you calm your nerves. was it that time again? no, he wouldve smelled it, if not— he wouldve tasted it. “talk.”
“you keep playing with me, always saying how im your favorite mortal,’ yet, you sneak off to other women when youre done with me.” you bring up, but it didnt hurt when you said that. thats what this was about? his harem?
“because i can.” he leans up and closer to you. “because i can do what the fuck i want to, thats what happens when youre a demon— let alone, king.” he reminds, you tend to forget your place when it came to him.
“you do that, then.” you chuckle, you were sick and fucking tired. “but when i find a man who i dont have to worry about ditchin’ me for other women, dont be angry.”
“thats okay, because you wont see another man.” hes starting to get pissed, because youre over-fucking-stepping. how dare you think you can seek out other men? when you had a demon who can give way more than what a mortal man cannot.
why was he even angry about that thought?
“so its okay for you to lie in my face and say im your favorite, but you seek other women? make it make the fuck sense.” because he wasnt making sense. you couldnt put that together, youre his favorite but he ended the night with other people to get him off. was your offerance not enough?
“lie?”he scoffs, grabbing you by your jaw and pulling you close. “no one has deceived you.” he makes his tone deep, eyes staring into yours snd he has a snarl to his lip.
“prove it, you goddamn liar.” you spit in his face, watching his blink slow and hard as he takes a deep breath in. “do something, i fucking dare you.” you growl, watching your fluids drip down his cheek.
he had to be more pissed at the fact you called him a liar than the actual truth, the truth of the matter being he does sleep around, (and excuses it by saying hes the king, so he can) and he hated that you labeled him as such.
his legs slammed against the back of yours, yeah he was furious— his second row of arms holding your hips down and one hand holding your wrists down together. “got really smart with your mouth, brat. thats not good.” he clicks his tongue, his only free hand smacking your cheek. “youve lost your goddamn mind, woman— did you think id let you get away with calling me a deceiver?”
“fuck you.” you moan out, this was pathetic. but who could blame you? imagine having a giant ancient demon drill his cock into you, while you feel the other one growing harder, and having him focus on you.
“think im a liar, mm?” he asks, his face getting closer to yours and he shakes his head in disbelief. “you want me to stop having others serve me the way you do? mm?” he asks so sweet, it shouldn’t be allowed for him to sound this way.. not with him being a dick and drilling his first dick inside. “cmon, little one— answer. say what you want.” you muster up the strength to speak, only for him to knock it down and him to pitifully laugh down to you. “oh, poor baby.. can you not speak? is it too much?” he asks, slowing his hips and slowly pulling away.
“no, its not—“ you try to say, but he spits in your face, and you knew that he was trying to prove a point.
“see how that feels, nasty thing?” he asks, taking his thumb and smearing it against your face. “say what you want, woman.”
“want you to stick with me only—“ you finally get it out, cut off with a moan only for him to coo at you. your hands pat at his chest, or so you thought.. since his belly mouth opens and licks at your palm.
“that what you want, pet? for me to only have you serve me the way you do?” he asked, watching your head nod and he smirks. “and what makes you think you get that privilege?” he wasn’t fucking serious, whats with all these fucking questions?
“because—“ you moan after, how the fuck long was this going to go, man? “because i can take all of you, thats why.” you let him know that, and now hes intrigued.
he laughs a little, licking his canines and grinding his tip deeper. “thats all you had to say, pretty one.” he blurts, his hold on your wrists become different, his hand holding yours. “takin’ it so good, think you can handle another?” you nod, him slowing just a little and pressing the second cock’s tip up to your slit. “you wanna try again?” he makes sure you know what youre saying..
because no mortal woman have ever taken him before..
until he learns the hard, satisfying truth about how you can stretch really well when you’re attracted to someone. the second cock slips in, your teeth grit and a slight stretch can be sometimes uncomfortable. his eyes blow wide, his mouth opening slightly in a gaze. “oh?” he says in a marveled voice. “fuck, hell yeah!” he laughs in a boisterous voice, spitting on your folds for lubrication and thrusting his cocks inside your cunt. “my absolute favorite mortal, for sure. ill eat my own words.” you nod, looking up to the ancient monster that fucks itself into your walls and feel it in your throat. your eyes roll back, him lightly smacking your cheek and forcing you to look up to him. “take all of it, take all of this king cocks.”
“you dyin’ on me?” he asks, him leaning back on the bed as you pull your panties up. “no, no, stay the way you are.”
“not dyin’.” you say monotone, pulling them off and feeling his eyes.
“youre still doubting my loyalty to you, are you?” he asks gruff. he scoffs, beckoning his fingers to you. “come.” come you did, literally and sexually only five minutes ago. “why do you doubt?”
“you never said youd stop, but.. should i have a reason to believe you?” you asked, looking up to him and he feels a pang.
why did they way you look at him hurt?
“i did. you just are too naive to see.” he pulls you until him, hearing your yelp and holding you close.
“you didnt though, you never said ‘ill stop whoring myself around,’ or however you want to say it.” you suggest that he calls himself a whore? him? no, he wouldn’t suffice to that.
“the moment you were able to get two of my cocks inside of you, i decided that.” he pointed out what he thought was obvious, but that only occurs in his mind. “and… i suppose when you spat in my face and i didnt decide to eat you.” he sighs, the side of his face staring down at you. “so be proud of that, youre my favorite.”
the feeling of hurt and betrayal leave you, knowing one thing was for sure.
you were his favorite, and he was yours.
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evie-sturns · 1 year ago
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"fuck off" - Matt Sturniolo
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summary: matts ice-hockey team has a rough loss, you try to comfort matt after the game but he snaps at you.
warnings: fighting, swearing, angst, SMUT.
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another goal to the other team. matt's team was getting destroyed by the opposition and he was not having it, "what the fuck are you on ref?" matt shouts at the referee as he skates away. BUZZ the buzzer signalling the end of the match echos throughout the arena and i instantly turn to nick, whos sitting next to me on the bleachers "hey nick im gonna go find matt alright?" i say to nick as i gather my things and speed-walk towards the changing rooms.
i wait outside the mens changing room for 10 minutes until the doors swing open, "matt.. hey, you alright?" i say looking at him but he just pushes past me and out of the facility, into the parking lot. i quickly chase after him as he storms towards the car "matt?" i call out as i catch up to him and he swing around to face me "just fuck off y/n, ive had a shit day and your annoying ass isn't helping." matt growls at me as he looks down at me. my eyes widen and my eyebrows furrow, the uncomfortable silence grows, i shake it off temporarily and grab his bicep "matt i know your angry, but please dont talk to me like that." i say gently trying to calm him down "ill talk to you how i want" he snaps back then pushes me off him, opens the door to the car and climbs in in a huff.
i look around to try see if nicks coming, but i assume he's getting a ride home with chris so i open the door to the passenger side and quickly climb in. matt starts to drive forward as soon i shut the door and the rest of the drive is silent apart from a few grunts from matt.
we pull into the driveway and matt instantly turns off the car, grabs his hockey back and gets out of the car, stomping up to the house and letting himself in, not even bothering to look back. why is he acting like this, its just one loss?
after a few minutes of attempting to calm my anger down and failing, i get out of the car and slam the car door shut behind me and running up to the house. matts locked himself in the bathroom so i run into our bedroom, and push the door shut behind me. i change out of my thermals into a matching brandy melville pyjama set and i crawl into bed.
after 45 minutes of scrolling on my phone i hear a soft few knocks on the door to the bedroom and i sigh quietly and ignore it. 3 more gentle knocks. i realise hes not planning on going away so i mumble "come in."
the door pushes open and matts face peeks in, he comes into the room in silence and lays down on the bed next to me, flat on his back. i roll over away from him to face the wall, and i can hear the soft clicking noise of matt biting his nails. i feel 1 warm hand on my shoulder which rolls me over onto my back. matt rolls onto his side to face me and he looks me in my eyes. "im so sorry y/n" he says calmly and quietly but i stay silent. "i didnt mean anything i said, and i was a total dick. i dont know if you knew but that game was the decider if i got a scholarship, and i totally fucked it up." he continues, "a-and i was so mad at myself, that i took it out on everyone, like in the locker room i was cussing everyone out, and im not proud of it, at all" matt says, "and now i dont know if im gonna get the scholarship and im so fucking stressed, but i am truly sorry on what i said." he groans. "close your eyes matt." i say softly and his eyebrows furrow out of confusion "huh?" he says, definitely not expecting that response. "trust me" i say again, with a smirk playing at my lips and he squeezes his eyes shut.
i shimmy my way down to the middle of the bed, right next to matts lap. i silently pull my tank top off and place it beside me as pull down matts sweatpants down slightly, almost letting his cock spring out and his breath instantly hitches "fuck. please.." he groans as he balls up his fisted and rubs both of his eyes. i see his bulge grow bigger. i plant gentle kisses on his clothed bulge as he whimpers desperately, "matt, i am about to suck your cock until you cum down my throat, and if you open your eyes, i will stop." i say softly, taking control of the situation and he nods "okay- fuck yeah okay" he says frantically nodding. i pull down his sweatpants all the way and his cock springs out onto his stomach, his tip is the exact shade of his lips and is leaking precum. I lick my lips and grab his shaft, only putting the tip in my mouth, he lets out a long groan and pushes his hair back with his tattooed arm. I suck his tip gently then take it out of my mouth, and he whines. "patience matthew" i giggle and then trail my tongue from his balls up the long vein going up his dick. "please.. let me fuck you oh my fuck-" he groans quietly and thats enough for me to take his whole length in my mouth, bobbing my head quickly up and down. i quickly take my mouth off him after a few minutes and his eyes stay shut. hes so stimulated that he doesnt even notice me crawling ontop of him and hovering above his tip. he lets out a soft moan and i sink down onto his length. "what the f-" he gasps quietly and his eyes spring open to look at me. his hands instantly grip my hips and push me down further onto him "good girl." he groans as he pulls me up and down on his cock "fuck- so tight" he growls out as he goes faster "close-" i warn and he guides me up and down faster.
i let out an almost pornographic scream as i orgasm all over his cock. "fuck-" he stammers as he cums inside of me. i collapse onto his chest with him still buried inside of me. he holds my ass gently as he catches his breath "you're so perfect you know?" he whispers into my ear and i groan into his ear. "you want me to.. you know pull out..?" he says embarrassed.
"not really honestly"
"oh.. do you forgive me?"
"after that orgasm, yeah."
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hoooottttt anyways leave requests, they can be anon!! theres a little button on my page.
hope yall liked this!!
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