#fuck you all. and specially my girl friend that got angry at me for answering the “can they come” question with an explanation

[tornoaserjo]

Me pot que les meues amigues s'enfaden perquè no els done la raó cegament als seus novios

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[taeyongdoyoung]

wicked game

summary: you try to seduce the unpopular virgin to win a bet with your stepbrother. your stepbrother wants to sleep with you and you want his car. but the virgin guy has more to offer... pairing: loser virgin!haechan x popular girl!reader genre: angst, romance, smut, high school setting warnings: the bet trope my beloved, manipulative stepbrother!jeno, ex-boyfriend!mark, innapropriate groping in school, one non-consensual cheek kiss, past man-eater y/n, lowkey corruption kink, lots of kissing, handjob, blowjob, eating out, attachment issues, protected sex (unbelievable), classmates to lovers, non-consensual photo-taking, breakfast in bed, break-up, no pain no gain author's note: this is loosely based on the movie Cruel Intentions minus the dying part; disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, i don't actually think Jeno is an A-hole, i just needed such a character for the sake of the plot word count: 3.7k

You're bored. Being the most popular, prettiest and richest girl in high school is not enough to satisfy your greed. Boys are literally throwing themselves at you in every corner. It's almost too easy. You want a challenge. Something to make the last year of school a memorable one. Something fun.

So, when your stepbrother Jeno presents you with an idea, you accept it eagerly.

"If you're so bored, why don't I propose a bet?"

"What kind of a bet?" you eye him curiously.

"See that guy Haechan? I heard he's a virgin and saving himself for his one ~true love~. How fucking pathetic is that?"

"So? What is it to me?" you scoff, though you already have a feeling where this is going.

"If you manage to seduce that fucking loser, I'll give you my Jaguar."

"Oh, that's very tempting," you smirk. "And if I don't?"

"Then, you'll sleep with me," Jeno whispers in your ear.

"Ew, as if. You're my brother," you make a gagging motion.

"Stepbrother," Jeno points out.

"Still, it's gross," you shake your head.

"Are you scared you'll lose?" Jeno sticks his tongue out.

"I haven't agreed to the bet yet," you answer.

But Jeno knows you too well. You are already thinking of ways to ruin that poor boy Haechan.

You approach him that same day, sitting on the empty seat on his desk. Asking him to do homework together...

"Why would I want to spend time with you?" Haechan spits out.

Ouch. Little one is too feisty for a regular loser. This might be more interesting than you initially thought.

"Why not? If you hang out with me, people will think you're cool," you try to attack where you believe it'll sting.

"So? Popularity isn't everything, you know?" Haechan rolls his eyes. "Besides, people who peak in high school spend the rest of their lives leading a mediocre, non-satisfying existence."

Damn. Pretty harsh. You didn't anticipate this would be so difficult. Oh well, all the more motivation to try harder.

"You admit it, then? That I'm at my peak right now," you smile flirtatiously, running a finger across his face.

"It doesn't matter to me where you think you are," Haechan glares at you, grabbing your finger and removing it from his skin. "As long as you get out of my face."

Gee, so aggressive.

"Did I ever do something to you?"

"No, but you messed with my best friend Mark's head. Leading him to believe you cared for him and then ditching him is so not cool. Now, piss off," Haechan grunts angrily.

You don't even remember half of the names of the guys you slept with. But you do remember Mark. He was really sweet. And if you could feel something at all, it would have been guilt. But back when you were with Mark, your mother had just announced she's getting re-married to Jeno's father. So, you were angry at everyone and everything. And you took it all out on Mark.

"Well, I can't change the past, so don't blame me without knowing the circumstances."

"It doesn't matter anyway. Mark found a girl much better than you who's treating him right."

"What about you? Got someone special taking care of you?" you touch him again, this time more forward and shameless, trying to elicit a reaction out of him. Sneaking your hand underneath the desk and caressing him fondly.

"It's n-none of your b-business," Haechan stammers but he doesn't remove your hand this time. Oh, he's so touch-starved this is going to be a lot of fun. For you.

"I could take care of you, you know? Turn all your wildest dreams into reality."

"I know what you are," Haechan shakes his head.

"A vampire!" you gasp in mock surprise.

"Ha-ha, very funny," Haechan fakes a smile. "You're a man-eater. You fuck around with guys and then you leave them to rot. I want nothing to do with you."

"Really? Then, why haven't you removed my hand yet?" you remind him, though perhaps you shouldn't have.

Haechan grabs your wrist, pushing you away firmly.

"You're wrong, you know," you try to convince him of your sincerity. "I'm just as eager to find someone who loves me. Someone worth staying for."

"And what, you expect me to believe that someone is me?" Haechan stares at you sceptically.

"Let's find out, shall we?" you give him a quick kiss on the cheek before he can escape.

And then, you let him be. Enough torture for day one.

You start interacting with Haechan every day. During the first month, you are consumed with thoughts of Jeno's bet. The abominable idea of sleeping with your stepbrother is enough to keep you going. Of course, you know he's not gonna force you into it. But you need the motivation to not lose the bet anyway. The gorgeous car is also pretty seductive.

During the second month, you are consumed with thoughts of Haechan. You begin to realize how lovely, clever and funny he is. And the fact he's even letting you spend time with him is enough to make you happy. You're no longer bored. Because everyday you have something fun to look forward to. You spend time at the school library, doing homework together, occasionally sending memes to each other. You go on little walks and picnics at the park. You even go to the cinema a couple of times, bonding over your shared love for horror movies.

During the third month, the miracle happens. Haechan decides he trusts you enough to invite you over to his place one evening. He even makes the point of notifying you that his parents aren't home. What does he mean by that? Is this an opportunity for you to finally seduce him?

Naturally, you don't get much homework done, before Haechan starts kissing you out of nowhere. You kiss him back eagerly.

"W-what are you doing?" you ask as you notice Haechan has started unbuttoning his jeans.

"I t-thought you wanted this. S-sorry," Haechan looks down, feeling ashamed all of a sudden. He's in a hurry to zip himself again. God, you feel so cruel.

"I d-do," you admit, no longer giving a shit about that stupid bet. "But I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for."

"So, you've heard about what I said at that fucking party?"

"What did you say?" you ask, even though you have an idea of what it involves.

"That I'm saving it for someone special," It being his virginity, you suppose. "Someone who loves me. To be honest, I was really drunk that night. I don't care all that much anymore."

"It's okay to have your principles, Haechan," you try to reassure him and stroke his soft hair gently. "I think it's pretty admirable, actually."

Haechan shakes his head, visibly disagreeing.

"Well, it's fine. I'm ready for this, I promise. Just...don't leave right after, okay?" he pouts.

"Oh, Haechan, of course I won't leave," you reply and surprise yourself in that you really mean it.

Kissing him deeper, you finish what he started and take off his jeans. You touch his cock softly, as if it's the most precious thing in the world. You've done this hundreds of time with guys you didn't give a fuck about and felt nothing, the actions methodical and quick. But this, right now, is more special than your limited vocabulary could ever describe. You realize you genuinely don't want to hurt him. You bow down and envelop your lips around his length. He gets hard easily, considering it's his first time. You suck on him a couple of times and he cums even faster than you anticipated. But for some reason, it's never tasted sweeter.

"S-sorry," Haechan mumbles shyly.

"It's okay, my sweet boy," you coo in his ear, after you're done swallowing his cum. You run your hands through his hair once again. God, it's so silky. You could never get enough of him.

"W-what do I d-do now?" he asks cutely.

"Whatever you want, mon ange," you kiss him once more.

"C-can I eat you out?" Haechan inquires.

Oh, so virgin boy is not so clueless, after all.

"Sure, I guess," you shrug. Not really a huge fan of that, the few times guys have offered, they quickly grow tired of it and could never make you cum as hard as you could by yourself. But it's okay. If Haechan wants to...

"Just...guide me, okay?" he pleads adorably and soon, you find out he needs no guidance at all.

What he lacks in experience, he definitely makes up for with enthusiasm. He seems so eager to please you, licking and biting and kissing your pussy that you cum faster than you have in...well, ever, actually. You grip his hair for support, panting and chanting his name like a prayer.

"Was that alright?" Haechan feigns a self-conscious smile, though judging by your reaction, his smile is already turning into a proud smirk. That bastard.

"Are you kidding? It was...out of this world," you say honestly. Funny thing about honesty is how something that used to be so difficult for you comes so easily to you when you're with Haechan.

"Glad to hear," he grins widely. You want to kiss him every second till the rest of your life. The thought terrifies you.

"I s-should go," you try to get up. You can't do this. You can't be the one to take his virginity. Considering how this all started. It'd be too cruel. He should be with someone special, someone loves him more than anything, someone who'd never hurt him.

"W-what, w-why?" Haechan asks, grabbing your wrist in a panic, not wanting to let go. "I thought you liked me."

"I do like you. I like you so much. That's the problem."

"It doesn't have to be," Haechan disagrees, pushing you back on the bed. "Please, let me."

And here you thought you'd be the one begging him to have sex with you.

"O-okay," you can no longer find it in yourself to deny him. To deny your growing feelings...

Haechan digs through his jeans and pulls out a condom. His hands are shaking and he's having a hard time putting it on so you help him and pull him out of his misery. You give him a soft, reassuring smile, paired with a quick squeeze of his hand. He smiles back just as fondly.

And then he slides inside you so easily. As if he belongs there. As if he's meant to be yours. You kiss him desperately to distract yourself from the truth. To hide the tears that are threatening to come out.

"You f-feel so g-good," Haechan grunts in your ear.

"So do you, baby," you admit sincerely.

This time around, he lasts longer, fucking you until your release comes for the second time. He cums right after, with his hands touching your cheeks, his lips on your neck and his heart on his sleeve.

"Wanna stay inside you forever," he whispers once it's over.

"That wouldn't be very practical," you chuckle. Though you would like nothing more.

But he gets up to get rid of the condom and then comes back, hugging you tightly.

"Can you be my girlfriend?" Haechan blurts out. "I know you probably don't like clingy guys but...considering you've been pursuing me for the past three months, I thought..."

"I'll be your girlfriend," you agree rightaway, not giving a shit about the consequences. "Of course, I will."

He laughs, the sound so precious and filled with joy it breaks your heart.

Maybe he never has to know how it all began. Maybe you could hide it from him forever. Maybe...you could allow yourself to be happy. Just this once.

Soon, Haechan falls asleep, feeling comfortable around you. You know what you have to do, but you feel like shit anyway. You secretly take a picture of his half-naked figure sleeping soundly. You sigh quietly and send the photo to your stepbrother Jeno.

Then, you put your phone down, trying to forget about the whole ordeal. You cuddle up next to Haechan and enjoy his warmth until you fall asleep.

The next morning, you wake up before Haechan and quickly run out to make him some breakfast. You have no idea when his parents will be home but you don't want this to be their first impression of you. So, you leave the breakfast on Haechan's nightstand with a little note.

See you at school, boyfriend! XOXO, Y/N.

Rushing back home, you are satisfied when Jeno gives you the car keys to his Jaguar without protesting. Your stepbrother may be kinda freaky, but at least he's a man of his word. What gives you the creeps is the slight smirk on his face as he hands you the keys. As if he didn't lose the bet. As if he's the winner.

You try not to think about it too much, as you get dressed for school, excited to see Haechan again. You still can't believe he asked you to be his girlfriend. That pretty, sweet boy makes you so unbelievably happy. You look forward to spending more moments in his sunny company.

Haechan wakes up to the smell of warm pancakes, covered with chocolate and strawberries and accompanied by coffee. It immediately brings a smile on his face, which only becomes wider as he sees the little note you left him. He giddily enjoys the breakfast and then rushes to get dressed for school. You're his girlfriend! He's never had a girlfriend and he's so pleased you're being so nice to him. Maybe you really are better than people say and all that past drama was just everyone being jealous of your beauty and popularity...This is going to be the best day of his life.

But when he gets to school, everything changes. He knows that he's considered one of the "losers" in the hierarchy but usually people just ignore him and don't pay attention to him. He's fine with that, really! But today, whenever he walks by, people are snickering and whispering something. It feels so weird and makes him uncomfortable. He can't quite hear what they're saying and this kind of unexpected treatment is killing him.

He goes to his friend Mark to ask him what's up.

"Bro...I don't know how to tell you this," Mark looks away, as if the thing is so bad he can't even say it.

Haechan impatiently begs him to just enlighten him as to why everyone is giving him weird looks all day.

Mark sighs and shows him a secreenshot. There, he sees a photo of himself, half-naked and sleeping soundly. Fuck, that's from last night. And what the messages between you and your stepbrother Jeno reveal...shocks Haechan out of his senses. No...no way it was just a bet. No way you spent three months courting him for a fucking car?! This can't be true. It's gotta be Photoshopped or something.

"Listen, buddy, I warned you that she likes messing with guys and then leaving them."

"No, she...she really seemed to care about me," Haechan is still in denial as his vision becomes blurred with tears.

He runs away, unable to believe what is happening. He needs to speak to you. Hear it from your own lips. To be sure this is real and not just a sick joke.

When he finally finds you, he grabs your wrist as he did just yesterday. But this time, he's not doing to get you to stay. But because he's furious.

"Is it true? Did you really make a bet with Jeno on whether you can fuck me? Did you seriously do all of that over a car?!"

Your facial expressions are enough of an answer. Guilt. Something you never thought you were capable of.

"H-haechan, I swear I can explain," you beg him to hear you out.

"Explain? How can you explain that?" Haechan shakes his head, letting go of your hand. You try to touch him again but he shoves you off furiously.

"It was just a bet at the very beginning. But somewhere along the way, I really started having feelings for you, I promise," you cry passionately. "I don't care about the car, I'll fucking thrash it, I just wanted to get Jeno off my back."

Haechan takes a step back, feeling so betrayed. So...used.

"Whatever you say, I don't think I can believe you anymore. Was it fun, at least? Was this all just a wicked game to you?"

"N-no, it wasn't, I swear it," you are bawling at this point, feeling so pitiful. You don't care if the whole school sees. You only care that Haechan understands. You never meant things to go this far... "I truly care about you, Haechan."

"Yeah?" he scoffs, annoyed. "You only care about yourself."

And with that he leaves. And you lose the one person you truly, genuinely loved.

This is the worst day of your life.

Throughout the rest of the school year you don't dare approach him again. You know you fucked up so badly. You can't even look at that stupid car, let alone consider driving it, so you sell it. Partly because you're angry at Jeno for spreading the screenshot around the whole school. Partly because you no longer want to have anything that will remind you of the biggest mistake you ever made.

With the money you get for the car and some of your own savings, you secretly sponsor Haechan, Mark and their other friends' singing club. You don't even want Haechan to find out. It just...feels right. They could use the extra help.

As the final year of school nears its end, you begin to imagine a future where you never get to see Haechan again. At least, during the past couple of months you had the privilege of looking at him from a distance. But the idea of a world with no Haechan is like a world with no sun.

So, you decide you have to do something as soon as possible. He doesn't have to forgive you or accept you as a girlfriend again. You just want to be in his life in some form.

As you approach the school's radio booth, you feel all the bad things of your past coming back to bite you in the ass. Maybe you deserve to be forever alone. But you need to give it a try. It's your last chance.

"Hi, Mark," you greet your ex-boyfriend.

"What do you want, Y/N?" he sighs, not at all happy to see you.

"Before I get to that, let me just say how sorry I am for the way I treated you in the past. I'm really happy you're finally with someone who appreciates you for how totally awesome you are."

"That's...unexpectedly nice of you to say," Mark eyes you suspiciously. "We were never right for each other anyway. So, what do you want?"

"I want to apologize to Haechan. Through a message broadcasted to the whole school..."

"Gee, and you couldn't do it the old-fashioned way, face to face?" Mark jokes.

"Haechan doesn't wanna see me," you say, fully convinced.

"How would you know without trying?" Mark asks. Has...Haechan told him something? No, you couldn't allow yourself to hope.

"I just know, okay? Please, let me do this. We're graduating in one week, this might be my last chance to talk to Haechan."

Mark nods, agreeing.

"Five minutes," he takes off his headphones and vacates the seat in the radio booth for you.

"Thank you! I mean it," you have never been more grateful for anything.

Mark shrugs as if it's not a big deal and leaves you to it.

"I want to dedicate this so someone I hurt," you speak into the microphone. "Someone who didn't deserve it. Someone very dear to me. Someone I still care deeply about. Haechan, I'm so incredibly sorry, please, give me another chance."

And you start singing.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

Your voice is off-key a couple of times and halfway through the song you start crying inconsolably, all the guilt and pain consuming you. The whole school is probably laughing at you but you can no longer bring yourself to care. The only thing that matters is that Haechan hears this.

When you finish the song, you leave the radio booth and are surprised to find Haechan right outside the door, willing to talk to you.

"H-haechan," you stammer and barely resist the urge to give him a hug. You don't want him to feel pressured or anything.

"I'll give you a second chance on one condition. I want Jeno's Jaguar," Haechan jokes.

"Too bad, I already sold it and donated the money to your music club so you guys can get new instruments and stuff."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Haechan exclaims. He doesn't sound angry, though, just...shocked.

"Sorry, sorry, I know it wasn't my place. But it was so unfair the football team and the cheerleading team get so much money but no one cares about the arts."

"Okay, okay, I guess this is better than that ugly car," Haechan chuckles. The car is not ugly. Not even a little bit. But you appreciate Haechan all the more for saying that.

"Can you really forgive me?" you ask desperately, eyes still watery.

"I can forgive you but I'll probably never forget," Haechan admits with a sigh. "If you break my trust again..."

"I won't, I swear!" you vow seriously. "I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and treating you the way you deserve. You're the best person I've ever met, Haechan. If you'll have me, I want to be around you forever."

"Forever is a long time" Haechan muses out loud. "Considering we're going to college...I don't even know where you're applying."

"I'll go wherever you go," you say hurriedly.

"You can't give up on your dreams just for me, though."

"I'm not. You're my dream, Haechan. You're my sun and I want to be in your orbit. If you'll allow me, that is," you can't take it any longer and hold his hand softly, asking, begging for that second chance not to slip away.

"I'll allow it," Haechan smiles sweetly. "Let's run towards our dreams together, from now on."

"I won't let you down," you promise from the depths of your heart.

And you finally, truly mean it.

The End

[strangelysamantha]

wasted ☆

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: infidelity, swearing, alcohol.

words: 1,093.

summary: “you were supposed to be my soulmate, but you threw it all away so you could screw some girl?” in which jj makes a grave mistake cheating on you.

request? no.

a/n: i have so many good ideas deep in my drafts. im about to blow up your feed mwahahahha.

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

you desperately needed air, the smell of liquor, cigarettes, and blaring music completely overwhelmed your senses, you couldn't find jj which didn't help at all. all you wanted to do was settle into bed, but instead you were trapped at a house party. you were getting tired of the partying, every time the night was close to coming to an end, jj would find something to get worked up about. he would be screaming at you about drama that had sparked. it was exhausting that jj always had a problem, whether it was because you had accepted a drink from a guy, or was dancing to close to someone you didn't even care about. you tried multiple doors, trying to find a quiet place, however all of them were locked.

of course, the one that wasn't locked was occupied. you swing the door open, seeing two bodies entangled together, sweaty and moaning. you were going to shut it when you noticed it was jj in bed. his blonde hair messy as small groans fell from his mouth. "what the actual fuck jj?" you yelled, holding back your tears. as if the night couldn't have gotten any worse, of course jj had found a dumb tourist to feed his needs. before the party, you mentioned to jj that you weren't feeling it, he was upset by this. he made it a big issue before ultimately storming off. you weren't going to go; you told him as much. but seeing how angry he got; you felt obligated to make an appearance.

now regretting even leaving the house, you watch jj scramble to put his clothes back on. the entire show being sickening to see. you decided you didn't even want to hear his excuses. maybe he got too drunk, maybe he wanted revenge, maybe he was just done. you rush downstairs, running into kiara. she apologizes before realizing its you. "hey is everything okay?" you laugh, the whole situation seeming so unreal its funny. "just walked in on jj plowing a tourist. i'm getting out of here." her mouth flies open, "what?" she follows after you, worried to leave you alone. she hops into your car, and the two of you drive to her house, assuming jj would go to yours to try and salvage the relationship.

in kiaras room you lay down on her bed, your body becoming numb. "i mean. i got with jj maybank. did i really think i'd be that special?" you sigh. kiara frowns at your words. "it's not your fault. that is so unfair to you, he knows better than that." you glance down at your phone, seeing a bunch of missed calls and texts from him. "im just mad because i know i'll lose all my friends too." kiara rubs your arm, "you still have me." you smile softly, "thank you, i don't know what i'd be doing without you." your comment was cut off by kiaras phone. "it's jj, should i answer?" you shrug, "might as well. put it on speaker." she pressed accept, immediately putting jj on speaker. "i fucked up kie, i don't know what to do." she wanted to act oblivious to see how jj would explain the situation. "what happened jj?" he mentions you, "we had a big fight before the party. i drowned my frustration with booze. i met a tourist and it was so easy. i let my guard down." kiaras face forms with disgust by his words. she doesn't respond, letting him continue. "she walked in on me fucking someone else. she'll hate me. she'll want nothing to do with me kie, what do i do?" kiara hums, "well you cheated jj." her words stung him, "there is nothing you can do. if she's done with you after this, you'll just have to accept it."

"i have to see her. do you know where she went?" kiara sighs, "no, i haven't seen her. i'm back at mine now, about to go to bed." jj groans, "alright, thanks." he immediately hangs up and kiara scoffs. "please tell me you don't plan on getting back with him." you shake your head. "i can't." she nods understandingly. "besides the fact he literally cheated; all we do is fight anyway. it's too exhausting."

"well i'm here for you, anything you need." you smile, thankful you'd still have a friend after this. "i'm going to head back home, if i run into him i'm going to end it. otherwise i'm going to bed." kiara ushers a goodnight softly, "make it home safe. and keep me updated."

you gently shut her door, heading downstairs. you get into your car, starting it up and driving back home. jj calls you again on your drive home, you reluctantly answer. you stay silent. "can we please talk?" he questions. "im just now on my way home. im too tired jj." he sighs, "im already at your house." you mouth forms into a line, annoyance running through your veins. "alright." you hang up, pulling into your driveway, you noticed him sitting at the end of the driveway. you hop out of your car walking up to him.

he quickly stands up. "look i'm so sorry. i can't even put into words how bad i feel." you scoff, "i don't really care anymore jj." he takes a deep breath, "please it was a huge mistake." you look over, "that's the problem jj. we had a fight, and you lashed out. i don't want to worry about what you'll do if i upset you. if you'll retaliate by sleeping with someone else, or if you'll fight someone, or whatever you'll do just because were on the rocks." he shakes his head, "it won't be like that, i don't want that to be our relationship-" you are quick to cut him off, "there is no more relationship jj." his heart sinks, "no please, we can work this out." you sigh, tears dropping from your eyes. "you were supposed to be my soulmate, but you threw it all away so you could screw some girl?" he was extremely apologetic, "i was drunk, and angry, and i wasn't thinking. i didn't want to hurt you. i regret it so bad. im really sorry." you quickly wipe your tears, "all i see when i look at you is seeing you in bed with that stranger. and that makes me sick. i can't look at you the same jj. we are done." before he can respond you turn away, walking into your house, locking the door behind you.

[ericshoney]

First Girlfriend ~ Brothers!Sturniolo Triplets

Summary: You introduce your brothers to your new girlfriend

Warnings: usual swearing, random name for the girlfriend

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today you were going out to dinner. It was going to be a special dinner as you were going to introduce your first ever girlfriend to your brothers. You were nervous as the triplets were overprotective over you, however you knew they would be supportive, especially as Nick was gay and they supported the community as well.

You stood in your bedroom, running your hand through your hair. You didn't want anything fancy, neither did your girlfriend, Becca, as she was nervous too.

"Hey kid, you ready?" Nick called as he poked his head through your bedroom door.

"Yeah now coming." You answered.

You got up from your bed and walked over, Nick giving you a smile as he saw you.

"You look pretty, sweetheart." He complemented you.

"Thanks. I'm a bit nervous." You admitted, playing with the rings on your fingers.

"Don't be. We're not going anywhere fancy so we don't have to worry about Chris embarrassing us and I'm sure we'll love your girlfriend." He reassured you.

"Okay." You replied with a nod.

"I'm so proud of you too. I know how hard it is, really. We're all so proud of you, kid." He added.

You smiled and then went to find Chris and Matt, who were both ready to go. You were meeting Becca at the restaurant and she just sent you a message saying she was on her way.

You all then got into the car and drove off to the restaurant. It wasn't a long drive and soon you arrived. You looked and saw Becca standing by the entrance, making you smile at her pretty yellow dress.

"That must be her." Chris mentioned.

"How could you tell?" You asked.

"Cause she's a teenage girl and your smiling wide as you look at her." He answered.

You blushed as you all got out of the car, Becca noticed and gave you a wave. You walked over as she pulled you into a tight hug.

"These must be the famous three." Becca said, smiling at your brothers.

"I'm Nick, that's Matt and Chris." Nick introduced, holding his hand out.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Becca." She responded, shaking their hands.

"Should we go in now?" You suggested.

The guys nodded as you headed inside, getting shown to the table you had booked. You and Becca sat opposite the guys, which made it seem more like an integration that a meet the girlfriend dinner.

You all ordered some drinks to begin with before the guys started with their many questions.

"So Becca, how old are you?" Nick asked first.

"Sixteen." She answered. She was a year older than you.

"How did you two meet?" Matt asked.

"Through friends on the hockey team." She replied.

"What are your intentions?" Chris asked.

"Chris!" You exclaimed, but Becca laughed, playing her hand over yours gently.

"It's okay. Well my intentions are to make her the happiest girl in the world. I can get grumpy and angry quickly but Y/n is the sunshine I always wanted, she keeps me grounded and I want to be the support for her too. I really like her." She answered, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks.

"Aww that's so cute!" Chris squealed.

"I really like you too." You confessed, making her smile.

Dinner continued on and you were all laughing and joking, both you and Becca feeling less nervous now. By the end of it all, Becca's dad came to pick her up. She gave you a big hug before she left and you got in the car with your brothers.

"Well kid, we approve." Matt said.

"Yeah she's really chill and sweet." Chris added.

"And she really cares about you too." Nick continued.

"I'm glad, she makes me really happy." You said.

"However if she fucks up and hurts you in anyway, we're not scared to hit a teenage girl." Nick responded.

"I hope that never happens." You replied.

"Us either kid." Chris said.

With that, you all went home, happy with the guys meeting your first girlfriend.

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: So, this is the first story of my Blue Lock Christmas special stories. I hope u all will like them! Thanks for reading🩷

Pairing: Otoya Eita x Isagi's sister!Yn

(Slight mention of Oliver Aiku x Isagi's sis!Yn)

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. No other warnings, really... there might be a little bit of angst, but that's abt it. It has a fluff ending

⚽️Blue Lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

🎄Dec 10th🎄

It's the Christmas time right after the Japan team had won the World Cup. Otoya still felt the same amount of euphoria he felt months ago. He had made great new friends, got an offer to play in a good European football club, got many sponsorships, and, for Otoya most importantly, he got a lot of attention from the ladies. He always liked the attention they gave him, but never found it in himself to date one of the girls who confessed to him. Otoya wanted to blame that on the fact that he knew he wasn't relationship material, that he liked fucking around, and that he didn't want to make the same mistake he did prior to joining Blue Lock. But... Otoya knew that wasn't entirely true. He had eyes on someone else. He had feelings for someone else, and kept on silently admiring them from afar as they were happily in a relationship with someone else. And that someone was nobody other than Isagi (Y/n), their star striker's older sister. Otoya isn't someone who falls in love hard, but ever since he got to know the older Isagi he doesn't believe it. Otoya really loved the girl, and he wasn't sure what he loved more about her. Was it the laugh? The smile? The kind personality? The angry look she would send Isagi when he didn't pick his stuff up? Or maybe it was how relaxed she was? Or all of it combined? Otoya didn't know the answer, but one thing he did know is that he fell in love, and he wasn't getting out of it any time soon.

But, just like (Y/n) is perfect is Otoya's eyes, there was one imperfection about the girl that was bugging him. Well, it's not a flaw in her personality or looks, but more her partner. The one and only, Oliver Aiku, the former captain of the U-20 team and Japan's most well known two-timer. Otoya will admit it was hypocritical of him to hate Oliver for cheating, but he didn't care!

Thanks to his closeness with Isagi, Otoya got to know of all the times Oliver cheated on (Y/n), and every time she took him back! The green-eyed boy couldn't believe that, he didn't want to believe it, but... it was true. And in a way Otoya understood it, when you love someone you don't think clearly, but it didn't mean he liked it. He still remembers the day she came back home, crying while Otoya was visiting Isagi.

🎄Flashback🎄

It was the Christmas day of last year, and after a whole day of spending time with his family, he decided to visit his good friend Isagi (he hoped his sister was home, too). The blue-eyed boy didn't protest the idea much, since he was alone at home and just playing video games, while his parents went to a party and his sister went out on a date with Oliver.

"Soo... they are still dating?" Otoya asked, trying to keep his attention on the video game. Isagi sighed and did the same, not noticing or ignoring the obvious venom in Otoya's voice.

"Yeah... mom and I tried to tell her so many times to leave his pathetic ass, but she just won't. I understand she is in love with Aiku, but that doesn't mean she has to suffer like this." Isagi answered back as they waited for a new level to load. Otoya kept quiet, his grip on the controller tightening as he thought of Oliver.

'That idiot has such a sweet and caring person on his side...'

"How... how many times has it happened?" Otoya questioned.

"Hmm... Sis told me he cheated like 2 times... as far as she knows."

"Hm." Otoya's brows furrowed.

The entrance door suddenly slammed open, startling the duo and Isagi paused the game to see who it was.

"Hm?" Isagi mumbled as he walked towards the entrance. Otoya watched silently, wondering who it could be.

"Sis... it happened again?" The green-eyed boy stood up as he heard Isagi's words, his heart thumbing against his ribcage as he listened in on them.

"Y-yes... but it's fine... I was planning on breaking up today, anyways." (Y/n) sobbed out and Otoya peeked from the open entrance, only to find the girl being hugged by her brother while she was crying.

"I am so stupid."She cried out again and Otoya returned back into the living room before the siblings saw him.

'That stupid asshole...' The green-eyed boy clenched his fists as he listened in on the duo.

🎄Present time🎄

After that day, Otoya made sure to be more attentive towards (Y/n), and was more responsible with his flirting. In hindsight, Otoya should have been this way while (Y/n) and Oliver were still dating, but the flirting made Oliver mad and (Y/n) didn't seem to mind much, since he was never really inappropriate or anything. So, Otoya saw it as a win. But ever since the break up, he just couldn't bring himself to be the old Otoya in that sense. So he would just do some basic things. If he visited Isagi, he would bring some food for them and (Y/n), if she needed help with groceries, he would be there (Isagi was forced to tell him, since Otoya wouldn't stop pestering him), if she said she liked some new book, he would look for it and read. He was down that bad... The whole time he just wanted her to see he was reliable and could be there for her. Something Oliver wasn't.

Otoya sighed as he found the last item in the grocery store his mom sent him to. Memories of the final at the World Cup playing in his head.

🎄Flashback🎄

Otoya looked over at the VIP section from time to time while the team was warming-up for their match against Germany. Otoya could feel the adrenaline rush hitting him 10x harder than it usually would. Not only was this the match everyone was fighting tooth and nail to get to, but also (Y/n) was there and watching him. She was sitting with her parents and waving at the guys from time to time.

'I wish she wore my jersey instead...' Otoya thought as he noted the number 11 written on the particular shirt she wore.

"Otoya, are you alright?"

Speaking of the devil, the younger Isagi walked up to the green-eyed boy, causing him to look at the blue-eyed boy.

"Fine. I am just thinking."

"About my sis?" Isagi raised an eyebrow, watching Otoya blush a little.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yes. It is amusing to watch." Isagi snickered as Otoya sent him a side-glare, but it quickly disappeared.

"Say... does your sister ever talk about me?" Isagi stopped laughing and looked at Otoya again.

"Well, she said you are very caring and funny to hang out with." The younger answered as be watched Otoya blush again, then continued speaking.

"You know, if you like my sister... try it. (Y/n) seems to like you a lot."

"R-really?" Otoya stuttered, frantically looking between him and (Y/n).

"Yeah. Just...just don't hurt her."

"Of course I won't! I... She means a lot to me." Otoya sighed and looked back at her, just in time for their eyes to meet. The boy blushed as (Y/n) waved at him and he waved back.

'I will ask her out if we win this final game. I promise.'

🎄Present Time🎄

'I still didn't do it... I should probably confess before I leave for Spain in 2 months.' Otoya thought as he made his way back home. The boy fished out his phone and looked at the time, then at the date.

'December 23rd...'

An idea popped in his head then.

🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️

December 24th

Shibuya ward, Tokyo

"Otoya! Sorry if I am late!" The boy looked away from the night sky and excitedly watched as (Y/n) approached him.

"So-sorry! My ride was late. Did you wait for too long?" She asked, stopping in front of him while clutching the strap of her bag.

'Cute... she looks cute!' Otoya blushed and shook his head as he was observing her.

"Not at all... I am happy you made it here. You look good today..." The boy mumbled nervously, causing the girl to blush a little.

"Thanks, although it's nothing special. Y-you look nice, too." She stuttered the last part, at Otoya felt like his brain went blank for a moment, but he ended up shaking himself out of that state.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet up with me today. Especially when everything is so busy and crowded now. I... uhm..." Otoya felt like his heart was about to explode.

'Come on! You confessed to girls before!'

"It's nothing worth thanking me for! I really like hanging out with you!" She smiled again.

'But... with (Y/n) it's different. I really need to be smooth with it.' He took a deep breath.

"I like you! More than just a friend." Otoya said, blushing a bright red.

'Otoya Eita, you idiot!' He wanted to facepalm himself as he watched (Y/n)'s eyes widen in shock.

"I... I am sorry it came out like this, but I really meant what I said. I liked you for a while and... and wanted to say this before I leave for Spain. I..." Otoya took a deep breath as his heart broke a little by what he said next.

"I cam understand if you don't feel the same. I just hope we can still stay friends."

(Y/n) kept quiet as Otoya spoke, the boy growing more and more nervous.

'I should have kept my mouth shut-'

"I... I like you, too." She said, face flushed while trying to look directly at Otoya.

"I did for months now... and I wanted to confess weeks ago, but after I heard you will be leaving Japan soon..." (Y/n) took a deep breath. Now it was Otoya's turn to look shocked.

"I didn't want to make the little bit of time we have left awkward. I wasn't sure if you liked me."

The duo kept quiet after that for a minute, both equally excited and flushed.

"I am happy... you liking me back really makes me happy." Otoya said as a soft smile made its way on his face, moving closer to (Y/n).

"So... does that mean we are a... a couple now?" She wondered, moving closer as well.

"Of course. I... I might suck at expressing myself properly, but you mean a lot to me, and I promise to cherish you."

"Even... even when we are far apart? You won't leave me?"

"Never. I will make sure to contact you as much as possible. I would never dream of leaving you."

Otoya gently grabbed her face and the two shared a short and sweet kiss.

"To think that last Christmas I was a crying mess... a year sure makes a big difference." She laughed little as Otoya pulled her into a hug. The boy smiling from ear to ear as he felt her hug him back.

"I swear that every Christmas from mow on will be even better than the previous ones. I love you."

"Love you,too, Otoya." She sighed in bliss, hugging him tightly.

[lesbianp1lled]

Ok I read through an embarrassing amount of your answers to asks and I have a rant and a confession. I am bi and since my teens a big portion of my friend group (offline and online) were same sex attracted women and nearly all of them called themselves lesbians. I always knew I liked girls/women and when I figured out that I could be attracted to men, I decided to not pursue these feelings. I never want to speak over lesbians or dictate what their experience should or shouldn't be like, so naturally I always shut up when lesbians tell me about their experiences. But like.. that made me realize how many of these women aren't lesbians? None of my closer friends as far as I know but still, a significant portion of women I knew or know. It's a special kind of strange to think "bi women like me don't exist at all, I am so lonely and I can only vaguely relate to lesbians in some regard, but never to other bi women". Only to find out that bi women like me DO exist and they are overwhelmingly just a bunch of lying assholes. When I was younger I always felt like the token bi woman in a lot of my female ssa circles and I was okay with being the butt of the joke sometimes because of that. I am still okay with my lesbian friends joking about that but I now get weirdly angry over how other bi women pretending to be lesbians made jokes on my expense like they aren't exactly the same as me, just while lying about it. A decade ago I always shut up when there was talk about what I now know is called "comphet" because as I said, I didn't want to talk over "lesbian experiences". But I am tired of pretending that what they said doesnt sound exactly like my very bisexual experiences. Now that I speak up about it I get "you just don't get it, you are bi" from other bi women pretending to be lesbians a lot. I say that I want to be a positive influence on other bi women and make them embrace their sexuality and recognize that there is a lot of strength in choosing to only date women while not denying that you can be attracted to men. But I have to very honest here, I have lost a lot of sympathy for different flavors of bi women over the years so most of the time when I comment on their behaviour it's just me being petty and angry. I got called "internalized biphobic" for feeling that way but idc at this point. I feel like bi women who are decent people will figure the right way to act out by themselves eventually. My explaining and being understanding has never earned me anything else than "you are bi so you know nothing about comphet and fucking X amount of men before knowing you are a lesbian". So I only seek out other bi women who have figured shit out by themselves and are already decent people. I see no sense in explaining or being understanding anymore

You can check out a good blog called comphet-critical, it is run by a bisexual woman and she is critical of comphet as well, there are other bisexuals that think like you 🫶🏻

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (11)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.5k

warning: u alr know

a/n: went off the radar 4 a while only to pull 5k out of my ass. pls give me all the constructive criticisms <3

you were glad to have lost him in the crowd, hiding behind the shoulders of people until your ride showed up and took you back to the dorm--though that was probably a mistake on your part.

because when there's a knock at the door, you know it's him.

you also know you shouldn't open it; shouldn't allow him back in because there's no reason to hear him out.

but a part of you, so hurt by what he did--the scene still playing in your head and the image of it just as painful as the first time, it feels like there's a brick sitting on your chest whilst trying to catch your breath--that you just need some kind of consolation, even if it comes in the form of predictable lies and a bigger inevitable heartbreak.

want him to tell you that it was a mistake, that she was the one who threw herself onto him; that he never meant to hurt you... even if it wasn't a mistake and though he didn't mean to hurt you, he wasn't thinking of you.

"what?" you try to sound angry, maybe even a little bored to hide the fact you cried the entire ride here.

he stands tall outside your room but look the smallest you've ever seen him, dark hair falling over his eyes and speaking in a shameful voice, "can i talk to you?"

you sulk at that, a click of your tongue and turning around to go sit at the edge of your bed with arms crossed, as if there could an explanation for why he was all over someone else when you weren't there.

his hands gripping her hips and face in her neck the way only he's allowed to do to you.

"i promise that her and me are just friends," he says, shutting the door behind him and settling down beside you, but you're so upset and hurt, his leg just slightly brushing yours sparking a reaction like never before, you have to scoot over and put on some kind of distance.

“we’re…” he drags his words before finishing it off, “friends.” a smile settling on him after that makes you feel so sick–whether it’s from how attractive he still looks or how the answer brings out so many other questions.

“friends?” you reiterate like you’re in denial.

“yeah, friends.”

“do friends sleep with each other?” kiss each other, visit one another and spew such sweet, blush-inducing words that conjures up butterflies?

“some friends do.”

when you finally spare him a glance, you have to keep from giving in just at the guilt all over his face and that he actually came after you. but you're fast to renounce immediately when you see that dark, stained mark on his neck again staring back like someone hitting the replay button on your misery once more.

then all that comes out are just cold and bitter words said in the most unamused tone, san even thinks you sound sarcastic.

"she's a friend, i'm a friend, what's the difference?"

the harshness stuns him, though, what else did he expect? because even someone sweet and forgiving like you has a breaking point when pushed too far.

"you're not just a friend, y/n. you're--"

"i'm what?"

you await his answer, possibly a lie that will make you feel better and more special compared to every other girls he messes with. but the disappointment when he remains silence is strong, it consumes you completely.

"well, i'm sorry i ruined the night for you. i finished most of my assignments and just thought maybe we could hang out, but looks like you already got company. so truly, i'm sorry."

"don't say that."

"why not? it's true though. you were occupied when i got there."

"stop staying that!"

the volume picks you up from the seat, his delivery could've fooled anyone that it was just a blind accusation. but you realize; take in, that san doesn't like his own fuck-ups being thrown in his face. no one really does.

"look, i'm sorry. really sorry," he tries again, voice softer, attempting to calm you; calm himself.

but after everything, after building up your trust and filling your fragile heart with so much hope, all he can offer is a sorry. no lies or consolations because none of it was a mistake.

you suddenly feel like it's getting much harder to breathe, the brick on your chest multiplying by a million and cutting the airway.

"y/n?" san calls, his once shameful face turning concerned. "are you okay?"

but you certainly don't feel okay, and you honestly haven't for a long time. if ever. and every episode in the same fashion is a reminder of that.

"it's fine," you manage to let out, a bittersweet smile on and a response that san can't read into. "you didn't do anything wrong."

this isn't a relationship--a proper one at least, and he isn't your boyfriend. the hardest pill to swallow is he didn't have to come after you, didn't have to apologize... because a truth even harder to digest, is that he doesn't owe you anything.

but you can still hurt from it; allow the pain to settle in as if everything he's done with you is only exclusive to you and him. only you can kiss him, mark him, and his hands should only be on your hips. not anyone else.

and you do. you hurt from it so much, tears streaming down your cheeks so quietly but the sight such a sore to watch, san's not sure what to say to make it better.

can he even make it better?

there's nothing to clarify and nothing to add. you very clearly saw everything for what it was: he replaced you, just like that. and the sickest thing is that he did it so mindlessly like it's a habit. because that's what he does.

he didn't think you'd take it this hard, or maybe he was just hoping he wouldn't get caught because breaking you is easy... he's done it before, but he's afraid this is the worst, yet.

"y-you should go," you say suddenly, picking your head up to san's wide eyes staring back at your puffy red ones before you swipe your runny nose.

"i..." he fidgets, "i can't go right now. not with you like this."

he can almost laugh at the absurdity, the irony of it all when he's the reason you're in this state right now. he understands the absolute ridiculousness but he really can't go; leave you like this.

a shake of your head is what you give, along with a tight-lipped smile although the tears are starting to sting and it's still not any easier to breathe.

"go. i'll be fine."

"no."

you wish for once to understand san, what goes on inside his head and how he makes his choices, because no matter how much you find out about him, it seems you never really truly know who he is.

he will say one thing and then does another; do this then tell you that. hurt you then feel bad about it, like he never really means anything.

san confuses you.

and you also wish you're not so weak-hearted to let him stay by your side once more as if he's not capable of hurting you again.

the week has been tense, something unpleasant always in attendance when you're with san, even if he's trying his best to brush it off; ignore it, put a smile on his face and act as if it doesn't bother him, too.

as if the week before, he didn't nearly send you into a panic attack and the sight continuously ingrained in his head, it might've scarred him just a bit.

but you're honestly still not used to it--san actually staying around and constantly checking up on you to make sure everything's okay after what happened.

it's odd he actually gives a shit, but even odder you're starting to recognize the pattern of lovebombing every time he fucks up and you can't even find the willpower to be genuinely upset. maybe just a little tired at this point, but still going along to see where it will take you, a gut feeling that the end is near.

"what are you working on?" san's voice makes you jump, turning the laptop the other way immediately in a panic. moments ago, he was still occupied in his own world, you were so sure he wouldn't be interested in your exciting school works.

"just fixing up my draft for a class," you tell him, having to move the laptop even further when he tries stealing a glimpse again, a loose giggle escaping from his lips at the expression on you.

"what's wrong? don't want me to see it?" he raises a brow teasingly.

"it's just a silly little story," you dismiss, "full of mistakes and a lot of corrections that needs to be made."

"i'm sure it's not that bad. but anything from you, i'll read."

a charming smile rests on him and with words like a spell, you have to keep it together; remind yourself that this is the man who had hurt you and no matter how sweet or convincing he is, there's a chance he's gonna do it again, every seconds spent with him constantly in alert ever since, that if you can hardly say no, you can at least keep from showing any amount of joy or satisfaction around him.

"maybe next time."

he just nods lightly and backs up.

"whenever you're confident enough."

it's all so eerie, you might as well preferred when he treated you like shit instead. it's just unlike san to be so lenient, the offer to hang out having came from him when you had made clear he didn't have to because you would be leaving for work soon anyways.

but he was eager about staying regardless of how short the visit would be, it's hard to be touched when you're not at all convinced it's out of sincerity.

"i have to get ready for work." you close the laptop and search the room for materials you have prepared.

san twitches in his seat and swallows down before speaking.

"i'll come pick you up?"

freezing in your spot at that, you turn to him and shake your head.

"no, it's fine. i'll take a cab home like i always do."

the jab is subtle but san doesn't miss it, a look of shame and guilt on him, but he's fooled you one too many times, you can hardly believe anything anymore.

"please, y/n," he pleads, desperation overriding his features as he stands up and hovers over you, "i don't mind. as long as you let me."

as long as you let me. as if all this time, you weren't waiting for him to do his part; the only thing finally pushing him to act upon it now is when he has to.

"if you want," you give in, and he can tell it's only because you're in a hurry, the cold shoulder unlike anything he's ever experienced before. he can't say he doesn't deserve it, but it's definitely out of place coming from you.

it's also out of place he's even trying to make up; console you, everything of which he usually doesn't do, but he feels he owes you that at the very least... or maybe he's just not ready to let it go, yet.

the comfort, your presence, and the things you do for him. he don't want to let go of how easy everything is with you, he wish for it to last just a little longer despite knowing how it will end, but he is so, so selfish.

"i'll be there."

"wooyoung's party is tonight," you initiate during the third time he's picked you up after a work shift.

"so?" he shrugs.

"you're not going?"

"no."

"oh..." you sigh, slouching in the seat and looking out the window of his car. "if you want to, you can. you're not obligated to--"

"--can we please not talk about that?"

about the very thing that lead you two into the current predicament, no longer in each other arms and staring into the other's eyes lovingly, but with a gaze always so tense and uncomfortable that he's too responsible for.

"san, you don't have to do this. we're not even dating, and i... i don't really care about it anymore," your voice tapers out at the end, so utterly weak, you can't even carry a lie to the last breath because you definitely do still care, and it definitely still hurts like it's the first time.

but to be treated like a responsibility; an obligation he's bind to and have to act upon--it just doesn't sit right. you've already spent way too long being nothing but a burden.

"even if you don't care about it anymore, i feel bad, okay? that was awful of me to do, and i really want to make it up to you. i hurt you, i know i did."

it would be easy to go along with it, the fact he's even trying at all when the relationship is nameless; lacking of label--you should even be grateful to an extent. but the weight is harder to shake off, and every second with the conflict brewing makes you feel as if doom is coming and you're about to burst.

you don't say anything, only merely glancing out the window again to find some form of peace because even the subject is starting to wear you out at this point.

"i won't be attending any more of those parties," he speaks up after you're quiet for too long; the statement making your head snap to him.

"huh? you know you don't--"

"--i know i don't have to, but i wan't to, so please don't try to convince me otherwise."

and maybe the you before he went and fucked up the very last bit of faith you had left in him, would've been moved. but as of currently, you're all too aware of his intentions.

pushed to the edge and the trust in him nearly gone, he understands it will never be the same again. he just wishes even if for the last time, to be in your good grace, because though he doesn't want to let go yet, he don't know for how much longer he'll be able to stay.

the clock is ticking and the distance between you and him is growing more and more.

it would be a lot less painful if he stops everything here; save you the heartbreak and tears that are going to come, but again, he really is such an opportunist, always taking and never giving.

it's poor and tasteless to say that's just how he is, but it's the truth... so he throws himself down; stripped of dignity and pride, and all just for you... for the first and possibly, last time.

"goodnight," he whispers, voice soft and trying to light up the mood before the end of the night, because your eyes are nothing but dead.

"goodnight." it sounds almost like an inaudible and uninterested mumble, the life on you completely different from his.

the both of you just stare at each other, as if waiting for the other person to finally say the last call and end what would usually be a kiss and maybe bodies tangled together in a heated session, but now more like two acquaintances trying to make the best out of the situation.

"are you free tomorrow?" he asks, trying his very best.

and you suppose you've had far too many chances to make things right; lessen the pain and end what is already dead, but the undeniable truth is no matter how much you preach... you're also afraid to let go, if not, more than him.

"yeah."

~

"is that another story you're working on?" his voice rings in your ear, making your nervous eyes twitch to him.

"san!" you nag, and he only giggles in return, backing away from the screen before you're able to push him yourself.

"what? i just want to see." he shrugs.

"well, keep your eyes away." you nearly roll your own, huffing before switching to another tab.

"is it that bad?" the teasing tone is evident, prompting another glare from you.

"it's not a story. just something for my class."

"hmm," san hums, nodding, "when you said you were free, i didn't expect to be sitting on the side while you finish up class assignments."

"well, when i said free, i meant i'm not going anywhere."

"right." he nods sarcastically, "we should do something."

"like?"

"like going out, or if not, we can watch a movie of your choice, if you want something explicit like last time, i'm fine with that too." he smirks, and you have to hold back from overreacting.

"whatever," you dismiss quietly, handing the laptop over to him.

"you pick. i don't really have anything in mind right now."

but it's a mistake, because instead, san clicks on the document you were working on; the surge of panic making you pry the device from him harshly but he's a fighter, tugging even harder.

"san, if you don--"

with another jerk, you're pressed up against his chest and staring into those coy eyes you're all too familiar with, conjuring up butterflies that's been so long, you almost forgot how he made you feel, with his handsomeness and smile that's too easy to fall into.

he smirks before stealing a kiss to your cheek, releasing the laptop as you fall back gently while the blush crawls out.

"sorry," he says cheekily, but you know he doesn't really mean it.

you attempt to fight the smile at the tip of your lips, biting down to conceal as much as possible, san thinks it's extremely endearing.

it's also been way too long since he's kissed you, and seeing the first genuine reaction in such a long while, nothing reminiscent of hatred or bitterness does make him feel a certain way.

~

it's only supposed to be dinner at san's place (at first). he invites you and says he wants to do something for the weekend, and it's not like you're going to decline when he's doing everything--as well as picking you up.

it's always casual at first; conversation, gestures, and everything.

you're starting to lose the edges a bit ever since that day, san witnessing more smiles than frowns and you don't look like you completely hate him, so he thinks, maybe things can be good again.

his apartment always feel homey, though you don't always feel welcomed every time... it is very nicely decorated.

roaming the interior and everywhere you guys have been before, you have to keep from really thinking too much; close out the thoughts of who else he brings here and where exactly he kissed them.

rather than forgiving san, you just kind of became... numb to it all.

the reminder isn't as frequent, but every time you do remember, the hit is still sharp and you'd have to catch your breath, but you've just gotten better at acting like it doesn't bother you anymore.

when the aroma from the kitchen finally settles in, it knocks any other thoughts out of your head and becomes the primary focus as you start sniffing the air.

"let me set everything up," san speaks from behind, walking past you to get to the kitchen.

and it starts like that. a nice dinner at his much smaller kitchen island filled with soft laughters and a genuine interest for each other, it's everything you envisioned if things were right.

when he offers some soju, you don't drink too much as the taste of alcohol in general still something you're not used to, but you drink enough to get tipsy.

enough to loosen up and not feel completely like yourself, but also not enough to still know that when san crashes his lips against yours, it's all kinds of wrong that only feels right in the moment.

the one that you will come to regret once you're sober enough and really think. but maybe your life is as messed up as it is because you never really do, always drawn to temptation over logic.

san is going to be your biggest downfall and he won't be the only one at fault.

you kiss him back and throw both arms around his neck, the slight flavor of the drink he had still lingering and you don't miss the scent that comes along with it as he manages to pick you up and throw down your body onto the couch.

you miss the way he feels on your skin, and he misses your skin on his lips, which is why the first kiss delivered to your neck is the only gentle one before he loses himself.

what comes after that is cliche and obvious.

it doesn't feel right but it does feel good. both of you panting and trying to catch your breaths as he snap his hips into yours and gets a curse out of you.

"oh fuck..." you bite down your lower lip and your nails only digs deeper into the skin of his back at the sensation.

so you sleep with him that night, the shame only hitting when the morning sun rises and you awake to his bare chest pressed against your back and his arm wrapped around your waist.

he's still sleeping and he's absolutely beautiful as always.

you wonder, aside from breaking a foolish girl's heart over and over again, what kind of things has san managed to get away with just because he's as mesmerizing as he is.

it would be easy for someone like him.

but shame can only do so much and last for so long before you submit to temptation again and sleeps with him a few more times after as well, just because he's good at pretending you mean something to him, and you're all too good at self destruction and fooling yourself that when he stayed all those nights with you until morning, it's because of something else and not what you already know.

the park is quiet; empty, not a single soul in sight other than you and the boy who came along as the small talks take you both in under the moonlight.

"have you always liked writing?" he asks, and you can't help the scoff that leaves, because when did choi san become so invested in mindless hobbies and things you do to pass time. or in this case, something you still haven't quite grasped that still feels much like a chore because it is tied to a class in the first place.

"no." you shake your head, walking along the narrow path as the summer breeze rustles the branches of the trees.

"i only recall slightly that you like computers."

"kind of. yeah," you confirm short and simple, not about to have that conversation again about why it wasn't meant to be.

san is selfish, in the most vain and obvious fashion that doesn't take a genuis to figure out. you believe he knows so himself and holds very little shame from the fact.

eventually, his mask will unveil and it's not like he ever tried hard enough to hide it because you're also selfish in your own ways.

you may not be calculating like san is, but to have keep him around this long and to say it's not because of your own stupid desires and wants would be a lie.

that you also don't use him to fill the hurt and emptiness in your life, chasing after him so hard because he's the closest to the kind of love you've always wanted.

because if you weren't, you would've let him go.

someone like san won't ever be able to love you, and even if he did, how long would it be until he realizes the commitment to one person is all too much and gets bored?

even now, you wonder if he enjoys the time with you at all. because who would rather hang with you than be out at an obnoxious party? but he can still offer temporary relief, and that's awful of you to say, but he was the first to be selfish and will continue to be until the last breath of the 'relationship' so why can't you also?

time seems like it's closing out and you're not sure how much longer the two of you can play pretend before the inevitible shows itself.

"what about you?" you perk to him, blinking your lashes charmingly. "you talked of dancing and performing before, so how come i've only heard about it once?"

a half scoff half laugh escapes from him and turning his attention to the path instead like you just asked a ridiculous question.

"well, i kind of already told you why, but i just don't got much passion for it nowaday."

“i’m not sure,” is all he says, a small sigh of disappointment escaping from you that goes unheard. “i wanted to major in dance and performance, but…”

“but?”

“but i can’t make a living or lifestyle out of it. so i didn’t.”

"i remember. but if you considered it, the passion must had been there once upon a time."

"oh yeah, definitely."

you hesitate for a second, but there's not a lot to lose at this point.

"i'd love to know, if you don't mind telling me."

it takes another couple of steps, but he does answer with very little objection much to your surprise.

"wooyoung got me into it, believe it or not."

"wooyoung was in on it, too?"

"yeah." san laughs. "i was an even worse dancer before i met him. but yeah, was in some sort of club or group for it in high school and we performed at some school events, but that's pretty much it. nothing really worth calling back to."

"no, that's great. it takes a lot of courage to go up there, cause i wouldn't have had the guts. i think i would pass out."

"oh, i know," he teases, and you shoot an unserious glare his way.

"and what about wooyoung? did he go into performance?"

san shakes his head.

"nah. undecided also, but i don't think he's stressing out too much about it. from his parents alone, he would be able to land a sweet job even if he got kicked out."

you nod, a snarky smile on your lips.

"yeah, true."

rich kids and their privileges.

after a few more strolls in silence around the area, san suggests taking a break from walking, both of you plopping onto the bench with tired breath puffing into the air.

it's your first time at this park, but it's not too big and has a nice amount of benches, but more so, the location is convenient because it's a good distance from the dorm which means less chance of your friends finding out.

"dance for me," you demand out of thin air, san turning to meet your gaze a few seconds before a laugh tumbles out, thinking you're most likely joking.

"i'm serious." you sit up and adjust your shirt slightly.

"it's been almost an entire year since i last danced to anything, i'm rusty now."

"so? i want to see. come on," you continue to urge, scooting even closer because then, he might give in.

"this is ridiculous. you're going to make fun of me."

you shake your head, desperate to prove the sincerity.

"i won't. i know you'll do great."

he lets out a defeated sigh before getting up with a "fine" and sees the biggest smile of the night on you.

"but you owe me something in return, too." he points finger and you wave it off.

"sure..." pulling your phone out, you look up to ask, "so what song?"

"uh... exo... overdose?" it's been a while to be fair, and san usually isn't one to hold things in memories, no matter the importance. short term or long term.

the song starts and he nods to the music, a few movements here and there trying to recall but he's struggling a bit, you can tell, unable to help the giggle that comes out because the sight is endearing.

"skip to the chorus."

and you do, eyes trained on him without detracting and watching as the recollection seems to creep up, his execution still a little jumbled and he doesn't look like he's 100% confident, but you know you've never seen anyone moved like that in your lifetime.

not that you know anything about dancing or whatever, but you've definitely never met a dancer, so to see someone work their body and move it so effortlessly, you're impressed for sure.

san doesn't even realize the chorus's over until you start clapping, the muscle memory just naturally leading him to the next beat.

it's been a while since he's moved like that and the sense of comfort that comes from it is weird, but welcoming in a way. it was quite fun, he thinks.

you're still clapping when he sits down again, the thin smile on you eventually turning into something more.

"you said you're rusty but you did so good! you even remembered it!"

"bleh," he dismisses, detaching from your gaze to stare out at the emptiness in front, "just muscle memory."

your next set of compliments blurs into muffled voices for him at the same time conflicts run round in his head, snapped back when you bring up, "want to stay over? yuna said she won't be back until morning."

it's the longest he ever takes to say a short and breathless, "yeah..." walking back with you to the dorms but feeling like a completely different person, it's frightening the way he just flip flops emotions, it raises the hair at the back of your neck from what you thought was a harmless and even entertaining situation.

but san seems to have taken it otherwise because the silence is anything but comforting, you fear this is it.

you unlock the door and settle your things first, your shoulder just barely angled his way when san annouces he's going to take a shower.

when you imagined the end, you think of a screaming match; at each other's throats and just absolutely the ugliest way possible. but this just might be worse... it's always worse when it comes unexpected.

but unexpected is such a loose term at this rate, because between you and san, there is so much hurt and so many unspoken wounds beyond repair from all the chasing.

you're so broken and san is not good for you, but for your own selfish desire, you wish he would stay, even if for one more night.

when you're near asleep from all the waiting, your heavy eyes failing to keep focus on the wall, the sound of the door creaking followed by footsteps until his chest is against your back gives you the biggest sign of relief, it's quite pathetic.

that he's going to stay and whatever came over him was just momentarily and you're all too good at overthinking.

you let sleep take over, hopeful that when you wake up, he will still be next to you.

~

san thinks that if you ever allowed yourself to think you're worse than him even once, you're absolutely out of your mind--which, you are, because he don't doubt you've thought of it.

you're quite skilled at leading the fault back to your own.

but if you're the one to pull the gun out, he would be the one to pull the trigger. and if you were to ever commit a crime, he would be the mastermind behind it.

if you're selfish, he will always be more selfish than you.

when he gets so much more than what he bargains for, coming to the realization over and over again that it's not good to recognize your touch and lose himself in your smile, he wants to run again. the way he always does.

it's how he handles unwanted emotions and practically anything not on his fucking list.

he will start something on impulse and trying to make up to you was definitely that, and it will end the same way.

he started this with you for all the wrong reasons and now, it's way past the due date.

~

you wake to very little light in the room, tossing lightly to gain your conscious, but heart suddenly dropping when you can sense the cool air of nothingness gliding against your back.

back that you thought would've been protected by a certain boy. but when you finally turn around, the worst pain yet hits you right in the face.

the space next to you is empty, and all there's left of san is a note taped to the side of the nightstand that you can only faintly see, but know every letter to.

'i'm sorry'

next // series m.list

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @sannwa @shibera @mochibabycakes @justineasian @eastleighsblog @baguette-atiny @crimson-mia @yeosxxx @sleepychimm @atz-diary @diorwoo @naiify @becauseiloveyunho @damagelove @softie00 @s-nsanshine @atinytinaa @moonseonghwa @lemontreefantasy @wooyoung4eva @yeosangsbiceps @likexaxdaydream @knucklesdeepmingi @barbielibra @tmtxtf @brown88 @harusoraa @frankenstein852 @yujispinkhair @mermaid17venus @nolxverlikeme @writersun @kkayfan @wooyoungjpg @galaxypox @byunniebaekhyunnie @vixensss @interweab @svintsandghosts

[mrsnancywheeler]

omg those billy things you just wrote... i was gagged!

but imagine his muse coming back after a fight and she is all like "ok, if you are going to call me a groupie then i will act like one". like walking away from him whenever he wont pay attention to her, openly flirting with eddie, and wearing the sluttiest outfits possible! and eventually it gets a little concerning so billy is like "wtf are you doing? youre mine." *cue the angsty and frustrated smut* but then after she just feels so angry, she did what billy wanted but he still wasnt happy! she is just so confused about her life, and i feel like this is maybe a month before she disappears at daisys house

-🦋

so real and so her

like you're young and confused and don't really know what you want or what he wants, so it's from this mixed place of I'll be the thing he says he wants but also an angrier, fine, I'll do what he wants and see how much he likes it. plus this is the beginning of the end, so the allure is starting to become even less fantastical.

but when billy gives you the look or comment that you're being too needy, you give him what he just want, space. for you to be just like every other rejected groupie and cozy up to the next member of the band. so the moment billy casts you away with his attitude and snide comments, you've cozied right up next to eddie.

eddie who will always respond to your advanced, lets you be touchy, isn't scared to be just as touchy and flirty back. it always grates on billy, but it does so even more when you're not stuck to his side at all. if he calls you don't come running desperately back, you take your time. you even flirt with warren a little and don't shy away from showing yourself off in extremely low cut tops and short shorts. the tension in the studio is palpable, so much so that even warren gets the message and tries to interact with you less, but eddie doesn't give a care in the world to how billy feels, so you stay cuddled up with him on most breaks unless billy specifically asks for your attention. and yes during this time you're totally is hiding off with eddie to suck him off or fuck because if billy doesn't want you like that, you can be the groupie mostly focused on eddie, who does make you feel valued, special, important.

and this behavior continues at the house, you'll take rides from anyone who offers, cuddle up with whoever, although you don't insert yourself anywhere like you're scared you might be overstepping. which confuses everyone because you're a friend, but it's like you've demoted yourself from that role fully to a groupie in the background. and billy is sick of it and during a break asks for you to come over to him and he's pulling you into a closet.

"what the hell is up with you?"

"what do you mean?"

"you know what I mean, you're-"

"look, billy, if you wanted your dick sucked all you had to do was ask. or I'm sure someone else would love that about now." before you can sink to your knees he's keeping you up.

"what do you mean by that?" he's seething.

"you know exactly what it means." and his lips are on yours, pushing your back against the shelf. he's quick to mark up your neck and chest.

"you're my girl. my fucking girl you get that? you're here for me." by the time he's got your legs wrapped around his torso as he pounds into you you're still just lost in whatever is it he's proclaiming. "I say you're my girl, tell other people that, bring you to the studio, you get talked about in the fucking papers, and you don't even talk to me in the studio. fucking ridiculous"

"billy-"

you're so close to pure ecstasy when his words are throwing you for a loop, "you close, baby? making you feel better then eddie, aren't I? you fit me perfectly. eddie could never-"

"billy!"

you gasp when he harshly thrusts up, "eddie could never take care of you the way I do, could he?"

you want to refuse to answer, to give him the satisfaction, but then he's hitting that spot that nearly has you losing complete control and you can't help yourself. "no billy, feel so fucking good. need you, oh my god, billy, so fucking close!"

he's smirking up against your jawline. "that's what I thought. it's okay, baby, let go. I got you, got my girl." and when you've both finally come undone and he's got you securely back in the ground. you're more confused then ever. "okay, now that you've thrown your little temper tantrum, we can move on, baby."

you're scoffing, "you're fucking unbelievable." you're storming out of the closet and he's following behind in disbelief.

"you acted out for attention, like a fucking child and I indulged you. why are you mad, now?"

"I don't know the hell you want from me, billy! 'youre just another groupie, realize your place. I could have anyone, you're not special.' and if I do that you get upset because I'm not only paying attention to you! and then it's all, 'you're my girl, just mine. I care about you, need you around. my girl. my girl. my fucking girl.' you make no fucking sense and I'm sick of it!" you don't care that the whole band is watching when you grab your purse in the studio.

and billy knows you're right, that he is constantly throwing you for a loop. he has no idea what to say do he just grabs your arms, puts your forehead to his and takes deep breaths until you reluctantly do the same. "why don't you just come sit by me and help me fix the sound up, baby?" and then you just start crying because of how overwhelming this all is and he nods, takes you on the other side of the glass to sit you down as he has the band run some instrumental things. his hand tracing patterns up your thigh as he works.

and this is all just yeah part of the buildup of her having enough lmao

[number1villainstan]

13 14 and 15 for the ask game?

13. character that you think is underappreciated by the fandom

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh jesus that's hard. It's RGU, it's a small fandom, SO many characters don't get the love they deserve cause there's simply not enough manpower--

But my (semi) serious answer is Saionji. Or Mikage. I like them both a lot, because they're both a lot like me--Mikage's a heavily neurodivergent-coded gifted-kid-to-burnt-out-adult pipeline victim like I am, and I see a lot of my own anger and frustration in Saionji. With Saionji in particular, I feel like a lot of people in the fandom kinda write him off as just a violent, misogynistic clown, which, to be fair, he is violent and misogynistic (for at least the first half of the show), but to write him off as a clown is to ignore the messages the show sends using and surrounding his character, about how toxic masculinity both is perpetuated by and hurts the 'average man' (<-badly expressed but moving on). But then again, this feeling could just be my biased ass going "HE IS SO ME" and being sad that no one likes him because [list of extremely valid reasons not to like him]. I tend to do that. A lot. In nearly every fandom I'm in.

14. character you wish had more screentime

WAKABA!!!!! ESPECIALLY IN THE SECOND HALF!!! because you KNOW saionji's rejection fucking wrecked her. and you KNOW she's got all of these Complicated Bad Emotions that she's suppressing in order to present herself as a Good Girl/a Good Friend. and like...I know her lack of screentime after her Black Rose duel was kind of on purpose, to drive home the idea that she has Failed To Be Special, but like--god. I know--I KNOW--that she's harboring some serious jealousy of Utena and Anthy. I KNOW that there are so many potential parallels to be drawn between the Wakaba/Utena canon relationship and the Saionji/Touga canon relationship, and between Wakaba and Saionji specifically, I go insane over those parallels (jealousy and low self worth and "you're my best friend and i hate you but i love you but i hate you" and desperately needing to be Special), and I just--I genuinely wish that Wakaba's character was explore more in canon. We got an incredibly enticing peek during the Black Rose arc, but we didn't plumb the depths, and the potential of Wakaba's character is just so *clenches fist*

15. character that you relate to the most

I already said it when answering number 13, but Saionji is the one I think about most (he's angry and too-blunt and confused and forever the laughingstock and he lashes out in ways that just make everything worse for him), and Mikage is one I also relate to a lot (that Shadow Girl play about the monkey-catching robot and loneliness hit HARD) as someone who's AuDHD and was an AP kid in high school and also utterly miserable and isolated in high school, not least because I was trained into Schoolwork Is Number One Priority and I didn't know I had ADHD at the time. (I definitely think Mikage has ADHD and self medicates with coffee and maybe also less-than-legal stimulants. He might also be autistic but he's definitely ADHD.)

the ask game this is referring to is here

[granulesofsand]

The Two Dead Girls

🗝️🏷️ major TW for RAMCOA, especially death by torture and simulated ultimatums

We don’t talk much about the trauma Olympics we do for our history. Not between each other, though we do that, too — between us and the kids who died there.

I think I can hold onto that for a moment without deciding it’s true.

There’s a trigger word for it, part of a larger phrase, that our perps used to tell us when we felt that way. That we had it good, because for all the temporary pain and chronic disability, we are still alive. Our limbs are still attached. Most of our scars were nonlethal, and the few that were we got in moderated environments with resuscitation after.

It ties into another structure, one a few of our higher-ups are built on; we are alive because we were better. One route is believing they were better because our body was prettier (white, blonde, blue eyes). The other was because we were smarter, literate earlier and good with logic while still dissociating information to get the answers they wanted. We had a pathway for physical aptitude, too, but that tanked fast. None of the qualities they wanted are true anymore.

Or, more accurately, those qualities were grafted into branches they could use and pruned out of the rest of us.

Special child, the same ego they gave everybody.

I don’t know why they keep us around. Maybe they just didn’t have enough back-ups.

The memories of their little bodies, twisted and insides splayed out, serves that dual purpose. We are lucky. We are better. We were lucky they thought we were better. And this is only two little girls who never made it out.

We think we remember both because they happened close to each other. We didn’t know their names, if they had them. I don’t know how to describe their skin, their eyes, their hair. I can only name the objects that reflect them.

Brown girls, the color of wet earth, but different shades. Red ochre, terracotta before it’s baked, it’s hard to see her without all that blood. Her eyes are open, stayed open, almond peel and cypress bark. Her hair was orange-black, city lights in the dark. She smells like rain, like tears, eventually like rot. She was maybe four to six years old, malnourished.

The other was older, or at least bigger, more like six to eight. She was the color of cowhide and fresh mulch, the long couch you could pet like velvet. I only saw her eyes twice, once frightened and once furious. She hated me. I hope she died angry at me, I hope the demon myths are true and I see her now because she means to linger. I doubt it, but I hope. Coffee eyes, translucent in the light like liquid. A shade off from her pupils, somehow both amber and mud. Her hair was red-black, sometimes blue like moonlight. She smells like earthworms, even before they made her crawl.

I hate myself more for outlasting the brown girls. They never had a chance, not for luck or skill. They were never intended to flourish. They did anyway. Brown girls sorting pebbles from dirt, racing between pipelines, pretending to be monsters and princesses. The little one looked like a girl who shares our name. The older could have been our dear friend’s sister. They shouldn’t have trusted me. I shouldn’t have let them.

I hold their deaths as good in my mind. They were more than how they were hurt, even when they weren’t. They spent more time trembling in cages and thrashing through tournament, but still they knew how to play. So much pain in their lives. They lived to die, and the longer they lived, the worse their lives would have been.

The little one wasn’t me. I don’t know if it was us. She was alive, and then she was open and swarming with bees.

The big one, that was my fault. I didn’t kill her by my own hand, but her death was my fault. I’d hurt her before, and she avoided me after that. But she always came back, huffing and crossed arms, offering her biggest rock or showering us with blades of grass. She might not have died that day if I hadn’t fucked up.

Our perps taught us many things with those two, and it’s hard to hold true that it wasn’t my fault. Nobody should have died, the threat was engineered for their entertainment. The little one was half-accident. Snuff film, they call it. The big one they said was in my place.

So that’s how I learned it. Better than them, more fortunate than them. Of course I’ll never have it as bad as those two did.

[ryuatewater]

only sometimes 💔💔💔💔💔 (no the answer to that is all the times unless something specific. mostly with you though im obvious because why not)

also. what happened like who started it first and why and how did your mother react to you being in a fight because of that reason

Uhhh wait i think i had a whole samsung notes page whatever explaining it

Nvm i think its on my other phone

Basically some dude from my class came to me calling me the f slur and just in general cuesing at me bc i had a girlfriend

And fun fact about me i have anger issues and qhen i get too angry i hurt either myself or someone near to me (sometimes even objects too) ssoooo i just... kicked rhe guy in the nuts

After that i just realized what i had done like "shit" and as the guy fell to the ground i ran off to the classroom my gf was in (she ignored it)

After class that guys friends came up to me like were gonna beat you up n shit but i felt safe bc i was with my friend n stuff

And after lunch i went to the restroom stall to do my business when a bunch of girls came in like "wheres ryu i heard theyre gonna beat her up" so naturally im just in my stall staying silent, i donr come out bc theyre literally right outside why would i am i stupid?

THEN a girl noticed it was me in the stall i think so some girls older than me came they were talking stuff outside the stall with a tone n i couldnt understand bc i was crying my eyes out and my mind was racing

The boys sister (who at the time was a 5th grader) started kicking the door and since i was holding the door shut with my body, i felt the kick too, at this point i was screaming crying just like really upset and scared

I think some girls heard abt it and told the principal? Cuz the principal (also a girl) came into the restroom like "everybody out" and she held my hand, walking me to her office where she told me i could walk home

When i got home my mom noticed i was shaking and she was like "what happened?!" I told her everythin and she was FURIOUS

I was already a "special" kid who got bullied so when she heard that they actually tried to hurt me she was understandably mad

She stormed to the police station kinda mad

We went, i told them everything and uuuhh we didnt get in any trouble, the boy didnt get in trouble i mean they literally did not mind anything the boy or his friends did but they just mentioned that id be the one in trouble bc i kicked the boy

They said i was lucky they didnt press charges or whatever

So yeah the law systems fucked, kill everyone, burn shit, do arson <333

BTW I GOT IN MORE TROUBLE FOR KISSING MY GF THAN LITERALLY KICKING A KID IN THE NUTS 😀

[opossumanon]

Here's why you shouldn't meet your heroes. Or just people who seem cool, cuz this douchebag I'm about to vent to yall about wasn't even my hero he just seemed like a cool person to talk to and then proved to be an asshole.

So a couple weeks ago I was at this conference being hosted at a good university, and it was a journalism and media thing where teens from all over the US and its territories come and learn about the field of journalism and practice and meet other journalists. It also yapped on and on about diversity and inclusion, but was actually fucking terrible about inclusion, but that's a whole other can of worms cuz today I just wanna vent about one specific bad moment.

So nearing the end of the conference was an event where we'd split up and be lectured by different journalists or professors of our choosing, and then there would be a "mixer" where we got snacks and then had the opportunity to chat with the speakers that we didn't get to see. I wanted to go with this one guy that I'm calling Guy, but all the tickets for his thing ran out so I went to another guy who had a REALLY good presentation but was also a classist dick (again, another can of worms). During the mixer, I struggled to get the opportunity to talk to Guy cuz I was so nervous and wasn't sure how to ask my questions without being boring or weird. Eventually my friends at the conference bullied me into doing it and so I waited in line to speak to him, watching as he was all energetic and charming and nice to a normal-looking girl talking to him and watched as he gave her his card. This detail is important.

Eventually the girl left and it was my turn to talk to Guy, and I explained how I couldn't see him speak even though I wanted to and I asked about what he was talking about, and he gave this really paraphrased answer that felt kinda bland? Like he threw in a very short summary of a story he told but it still felt rushed and like he was detached while telling it. It ended with me realizing that he probably wouldn't spill any tea to me personally so I went "Hey do you have anything else that I could look at to get more information?? A website, video, etc??? Or could I just get your card?" and he deadass said (I'm paraphrasing here)

"No, I don't think that'd help you."

Like wtf???????

(For anybody confused as to why I'm upset: In any sort of professional setting where a person has a card, asking for it is the most basic polite thing you can do to the point where people don't even have to ask cuz the other person will just go "Hey you want my card" and hand it over. Guy refusing to give me his card, when I knew for certain that he had one, was the professional equivalent of me reaching out to give him a handshake and him recoiling in disgust. I'm pretty sure he did this as blatantly as he did because he assumed that I'd be clueless about this sort of thing like most of my peers were.)

Looking back I can't find a single thing I did wrong. I waited in line patiently, introduced myself and shook his hand, made eye contact, etc etc. I wasn't even chatting with him for longer than 2 minutes before I gave up and went "I should go now cuz the guy behind me wants to talk to you too, have a good night" and left so it wasn't like I had him trapped talking with me for an hour. By the time I went back to my dorm, I was genuinely on the verge of tears and I felt useless and like I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything...Yknow, at the conference where they've been going on and on and on about how we're all special and are on track to be good journalists and stuff like that.

After 10 minutes of being blinded by tears and sniffling to my heart's content I switched to being angry and decided that I wanted to start a podcast starring weird people, being about weird people, and having an audience of weird people. I still wanna do this because the power of spite is absolutely a thing, but there's also a part of me that wants to back away from anything journalism/media related at all because I feel so fucking crushed from how Guy treated me. A lot of the self confidence that I spent YEARS trying to build back up from nothing was basically knocked over thanks to him.

I don't have much of a lesson to teach, I'm just still upset about this weeks later and I needed to get it out is all, but what this event taught me specifically was

I'll never be seen as normal or taken seriously, no matter how good my neurotypical cis white guy cosplay is

Professors of massive universities are pieces of shit and I'm probably gonna avoid going to them for advice in the future

Higher education is a good thing that all people should have access to if they wish, but also the people you find in higher education settings tend to be classist/elitist pricks who look down on people who don't walk, talk, act, or look like the "typical intellectual" (White person who's obviously upper middle class or higher who's neurotypical and cishet and able-bodied) and therefore making higher education available for everyone is and will continue to be a useless fucking endeavor until we flush out the intense biases against people who don't fit the "typical intellectual" within the system.

[calicohyde]

Happy STS! What is the best novel you've ever read? What did you like about it, from a storytelling perspective? Has it influenced or informed your own approach?

*instantly forgets every book i've ever read in my life*

in the name of. having an answer. i will pick The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. i don't remember it well enough after so long after having read it (and i've only read it the once) to pick out specific storytelling mechanics, but i do remember being impressed and thinking it was very well done in addition to having a lot of important things to say and being engaging and entertaining. i also remember i had borrowed it, and then texted the friend i'd borrowed it from to ask if he had the next book and if i could come pick it up right then. at 3AM.

one particular thing about the TGWTDT original trilogy (the only ones i personally count as "canon" lol) that really stuck out to me as unique and special to me personally and that i've wanted to see more of since - and am planning to be the change i want to see wrt - are its quote unquote "unlikeable" protagonists.

lisbeth is autistic and point blank refuses to mask, and in addition she's acerbic and angry and tends to reach violence as a much sooner resort than many, she's not exactly arrogant but she would never even dream of not taking credit and representing her skills accurately or god forbid using upspeak, she simply does not follow rules (or conventions or etiquette) she thinks are stupid and she's vocal and unapologetic about it, she's an actual genuine punk and fucks severely and without romance (until mikael), and as far as i remember she never once says sorry to anyone for anything no matter what. i love her with every fiber of my being.

mikael is a workaholic which is not unique, except that everyone hates his guts for being so single-minded and rigid and unavailable, which is, and which i really liked. of course people would not find him fun to be around. he also is arrogant, and a hypocrite, and can be unkind. and these two are the best good guys we've got! (this is also why i discount the opinion of anyone who claims mikael is a "romanticized" self-insert on larsson's part like bruhhh.... just cuz they have the same job? this bitch is not a romanticized version of anyone or anything he's a fucking rat bastard who happens to also be a good man smdh. i mean maybe he is a self-insert but not a fucking romanticized one! he sucks! i'm passionate about this.)

i also really liked the age range of the characters and the polyamory and the queers. additionally, larsson has a really unique and fascinating writing style (which critics have attributed to his writing career starting in investigative journalism before he ever did creative writing or fiction). i think it fits absolutely perfectly with the protagonists and the subject matter, and the way those things match up and meld together makes the series so much more absorbing.

but yeah i always liked a writing style and a narrative voice that was fitted to the characters/content, and i think larsson did it particularly well - even if it's a sort of chicken or egg situation with him. we'll never know since he died of those Natural Causes before he could write anything else and all. anyway! i would have done this regardless, because literally all of my favorite authors do it to some degree, which is why they are my favorite authors. (much of what people say are benefits you can "only" get from first person narration i feel you can get just as well from a limited third person, if you uh. try.) but yeah TGWTDT is a stand-out example!

i also can't necessarily give TGWTDT/larsson credit for my life long love affair with angry and contrarian good guys, but again it's a stand-out example and an aspiration in this.

thank you for the ask, nico!! <3

[gaywatercolors]

okey so to everyone asking here comes the full bf drama in poll form so you can give me your opinions, comments explaining further are very appreciated cause i'm a mess rn and can't think straight

i was dating this guy since october, we weren't exclusive yet but neither of us is talking or seeing anyone else, we were pretty serious, spent time with each others families, travelled together and such. We were thinking about making it more official now.

NOW valentine's day, he asked me to spend it with him like 2 weeks in advance, we made plans and it was a date. Night before we both have the stomach flu so we agree to see each other in a chill way but not going out anywhere. Valentine's day we both woke up feeling awful and things weren't getting better along the day so we agreed to pospone it for another day cause truly neither of us could leave our houses, we were sad we couldnt see each other but it is what it is. The issue is he texted me about 6 pm that he felt better so he went to the park with some girl friend???? he didn't even consider coming to see me as i still felt awful. And to make things worst on New years happened the exact same thing, we had plans to see each other that night since before christmas, and he texted me at 6 pm on december 31 saying this same girl was feeling kinda down so he was going out with her instead.

Now he doesn't understand how both events are the exact same thing, him prioritizing this girl over me on special dates, and he gets angry at me for bringing it up.

We spent all day discussing what happened, why it hurted me so much and his point of view, and we didn't really come up with any solutions so he went to work and then back to my house to discuss it further. The whole night he avoided the subject, we had an amazing evening, had fun together, fucked, laugh, kiss and cuddle a lot, but when it was getting late i brought it up again because for me it wasn't just case closed and nothing happened. Then he got angry at me and left immediatly, and proceeded to insult me through voice notes, gaslighting me and not even listening what i had to say.

SO i just asked for a bit of time to get my mind straight and think if this is something i can forgive and we can move on from it or if it's a dealbreaker for me, we were both tired it was 4 am here and we weren't coming to any agreement so we decided to just talk about it further another day, because as we had a nice night he expected to be all forgive and forget, and i just couldn't do that.

so i don't fucking know what to do, i'm a pretty romantic person, so this kind of dates mean a lot to me, but he says for him it's just a regular day and i should think about how much he cares about me everyday and not be fixed on stupid dates.

[uenodivision]

— Party of Words HQ, Prime Minister's Office —

"...So let me see if I understand this correctly. You were given ample resources, as well as a large number of troops to take five women into custody. But not only did you manage not to apprehend the suspects, but you and all of your troops were defeated, as well?"

"Y-yes, Prime Minister."

"...And could you care to explain how this unfortunate outcome came about?"

"W-we don't know for sure, ma'am! We had them all completely surrounded, but..."

"...But?"

"I-I have no excuse, ma'am! The power of their Hypnosis Microphones was too powerful for us to resist! W-we tried to overpower them with numbers, but even still, that proved ineffective. Some of the men were gravely injured, and..."

"Enough. You are dismissed."

"Y-yes, ma'am!"

*Sighs* "Those girls are proving more annoying than I originally thought..."

...

...

...

Two hours earlier...

— Near Outskirts, Ueno Division —

Aranai: ...Wow, all these guys just for us? Aren't we special?

Sumire: Just goes to show how high we all are on Chuohku's 'Shit List.'

Aranai: *Smirks* Or if not Chuohku's, then the Head Bitch's.

Kanra: *Looks at her* Aren't those both the same?

Kaoru: *Shakes her head 'no'* Not really. See, when I hacked into Otome's computer, I did that to intentionally screw with her, not the government.

Aranai: You still have to show us how you did that!

Kaoru: *Smirks* Meh, it wasn't too difficult. For all her blunder, the Prime Minister has some pretty shitty security.

Sumire: *Scoffs* Oh, please. I could have done that a long time ago.

Kaoru: Then how come you didn't?

Sumire: Cause I had more important things to do.

Kaoru: Uh-uh, sure.

Sumire: *Scowls* Are you challenging me?

Kaoru: *Smirks* Give me a time and a place, and I'll outdo you anywhere. Online or not.

Kureha: ...Hey, not to interrupt this riveting conversation, but could we turn our attention to more important matters?

Aranai: *Looks at her, cocking an eyebrow* Like what?

[Without answering, the quiet goth simply pointed in front of her, causing the rest of the women to look at what she was pointing. In front of the five women were a large number of Chuohku officials, all prime and ready to attack. The girls simply looked at the group for a few seconds before looking back at Kureha. After a second passed, the goth girl's face fell as her friends just went back to their conversation like nothing had happened.]

Kureha: *Groans, covering her face* Why me?

Aranai: Relax, WGG. We're just messing around. *Pulls out her HypMic with a smirk* Alright girls, you all ready?

Sumire: As I'll ever be.

Kaoru: Yup.

Kanra: Ready!

Kureha: *Silently gives a thumbs-up*

Aranai: Alright then, let's go!

Bring the Beat!

[Aranai:]

What's up, everybody?!

We are the Yozakura

[Kanra & Sumire:]

Let's burn it all! (License to kill)

["New" Yozakura:]

Burn it up Burn it up!!

FIRE!! (Hot Hot Hot!!)

Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

YOU ARE FINISHED!!

Feel the impact! (RATATATA...)

Yozakura's killing, burning you!

Everybody in Chuohku, y'all is pooo!!

FIRE!! Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

[Kureha:]

You can run, but you won't escape my eyes

I'm a beast holding onto my mic

Mess with Yozakura? Better get out the way

I'm not responsible for what happens now

[Kanra:]

An angry Kanra is something one should never see

No matter where I go, trouble always finds me

A fair warning is all you'll get if come and start to bother me

After that, don't blame me for going into a frenzy!

An experimental beast that was stuck, I've gone awry

In the end, you'll try to paint me as the 'bad guy'

But that doesn't matter cause I feel no shame

I'm with the Yozakura, and we have staked our claim!

[Sumire:]

(WOO HA!) Attention, please!

I'm above all of you, so listen when I speak!

(WOO HA!) You tryin' start some shit?

I can't help but laugh, you fools don't have even a bit of sense!

I refuse to compromise, you bitches all suck!

Wallow in muck (YOU SORRY FUCKS!)

'Who's this second-rate gang that actually got this far?'

Yozakura, motherfuckers, is who we are!

["New" Yozakura:]

FIRE!! (Hot Hot Hot!!)

Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

YOU ARE FINISHED!!

Feel the impact! (RATATATA...)

Yozakura's killing, burning you!

Everybody in Chuohku, y'all is pooo!!

FIRE!! Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

[Kureha:]

You can run, but you won't escape my eyes

I'm a beast holding onto my mic

Mess with Yozakura? Better get out the way

I'm not responsible for what happens now

[Kaoru:]

Apparently, you fools didn't get the message the first time around

We are one gang that you definitely do not want to hound

Brains, charisma, technique, and strength all combined

In simpler terms, I'll say this: don't waste your time!

Chuohku honestly thinks that they have the advantage

Unaware that all along, I've secretly planned this

You think to defeat us? Yeah right, in your dreams!

Yozakura's No. 1, we're the Underground Queens!

[Aranai:]

Not much else to say, my girls have summed it all up

I'll say this to all our enemies: you're fucking time is up!

Outnumbered we may be, but we won't back down

Especially not to a bunch of fucking government clowns!

Spreading our influence, no matter where we go

The more minds we meet, the more that our following grows

It's not hard to comprehend, we're taking the world by storm

And soon, very soon, Yozakura will be the norm!

["New" Yozakura:]

FIRE!! (Hot Hot Hot!!)

Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

YOU ARE FINISHED!!

Feel the impact! (RATATATA...)

Yozakura's killing, burning you!

Everybody in Chuohku, y'all is pooo!!

FIRE!! Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

FIRE!! (Hot Hot Hot!!)

Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

YOU ARE FINISHED!!

Feel the impact! (RATATATA...)

Yozakura's killing, burning you!

Everybody in Chuohku, y'all is pooo!!

FIRE!! Burn it all! (Achi-chi achi-chi aahh!!)

[Kureha:]

You can run, but you won't escape my eyes

I'm a beast holding onto my mic

Mess with Yozakura? Better get out the way

I'm not responsible for what happens now