#the way he checked their whatsapps like a dad

[11fer]

the clownery just doesn’t stop in this team 😭😭

[tteokdoroki]

☆༉ — KATSUKI BAKUGOU. baby’s first beach day.

about. girl dad!bakugou takes his baby girl to the beach!

warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! sfw, fluff, beach days, minor hint at having more babies, reader is called momma, afab!reader, pro hero + girl dad!bakugou.

thinking about bakugou taking his baby girl to the beach for the first time.

how he’ll laugh heartily at the face she makes when her itty bitty toes touch the sand for the first time. he’s holding her just under her arms so that her feet graze over the soft sand as he keeps her pink tutu swimming costume away from it. “she looks just like you!” you’ll tell him when her face crumples and her nose scrunches because what is this and why is it between my toes.

your one year old really takes after him, grumpy in his arms for most of beach day, her chubby cheek pressed against his pec while bakugou lathers her up with a baby safe sun screen (almost the highest spf factor) because he doesn’t want her to burn. “i know baby, s’cold ain’t it. don’t worry, it’ll be over soon.” he tilts his head, smiling down at her to soothe the first notes of her hiccups. all the while, rubbing over her back in the way that babies like.

you’ll catch them napping in the sun right after, both of them snoring up a storm while catching some shut eye behind their matching shades. you send a picture to mitsuki who instantly makes it her whatsapp profile picture because she can’t help but want to show off her strong bakugou genetics.

the two of them take to the water after a lunch of homemade tuna sandwiches and baby formula — you warn katsuki to be careful with her by the sea and he only winks, using baby girl’s hand to wave at you. “we’ll be good, don’t worry momma.” the whole time they stay by the shore and bakugou regretfully gives her a spade to fling wet sand in his face with her wobbly motor functions.

but it’s totally worth it for him to hear her screaming laughter, and watch her kick her tiny feet in the small pool of salty water. you’ll admit, seeing your husband dripping wet as he makes his way back up to your beach towels with your baby snuggled against him does something to the darkest parts of your soul.

it seems that bakugou knows that too, smirking at you while you give him bedroom eyes from behind your own shades.

when the sun sets, bakugou is careful with his steps as the three of you head back up the beach and towards your car. little baby bakugou is all tuckered out, her ‘deku’ sun hat askew atop her sun-kissed curls. she whines unhappily when you pull her away from his chest to strap her back into her car seat — mindful of the sand. a daddy’s girl through and through.

“d’ya think she had fun today?” bakugou asks you, closing the trunk while you fiddle with the car seat, double checking that she’s secure.

you look up at your husband — the man you’ve loved for half your life and the reason you’re responsible for another. “she’ll remember this, even if she’s only little.” you tell him wistfully, wrapping your arms around his neck (as he does with your waist) once he’s made his way over to you. “you really made her day, i’ve never seen her smile so much.”

bakugou blushes, swooping down to kiss you against the cool metal of your family sized car. “you’re the best, momma.”

“and you’re the best, daddy.” grinning against his lips, you swipe a bit of sand from his cheeks — content that your first family beach day was a complete success.

꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[maxdibert]

Severus with a Gen Z child at Hogwarts—a little kid who grew up with technology as an extension of their body, now stuck at Hogwarts without even a phone to check the time. I can imagine how hilarious the situation would be. A dramatic little one, undoubtedly Severus’s child, with a humor the wizards find odd and nonsensical comments they don’t understand.

I can picture the first month of his child’s first year, and Severus and his wife receiving a letter from a Hogwarts professor expressing their "concern" about young Snape’s mental health:

"Their Head of House at Hogwarts says our child is threatening to kill themselves if they don’t get their phone back."

"Isn’t this the fifth letter this month saying the same thing?"

The kid is a dramatic little geek, lol.

The best part of all this is that if they really inherited Severus’s characteristics, they’d probably find a way to get away with it, and it would go something like this:

'Minerva says you’ve failed all your assignments in the last term. Can you tell me what the hell you’re doing?'

'I’ve managed to adapt the functioning of the iPhone using the enchantment that magical radios use to work! We now have WhatsApp in the common room, from here to the whole world!'

'ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU’VE PUT YOUR STUDIES ASIDE FOR THE DAMN PHONE?'

'You can’t put barriers on magical science, dad.'

Probably the greatest academic disaster Hogwarts has ever seen, but also probably the future father/mother of cutting-edge magical technology and the founder of a multinational company dedicated to adapting magic to new Muggle technologies. After all, being part of Generation Z, he was born under the legacy of Hannah Montana: having the best of both worlds.

[octuscle]

Removalist

Why couldn't his friends just hire a moving company. Why did he have to constantly haul boxes for other people. He himself had never asked for help, and for God's sake, he wouldn't. If he needed a handyman or something, Dad's credit card would take care of it. But he already had so few friends in college. And if he didn't help with his fellow student's move, he'd have an even harder time. But he didn't feel like ruining his clothes. So he asked his parents' gardener if he could borrow some of his work clothes.

He looked a little silly standing in front of the mirror in the wife beater with work pants and work boots in his dressing room. Manuel had even lent him a cap. Sure, Manuel fit these clothes, but Manuel also easily put on 30 kilograms more of muscle. At least the clothes were freshly washed.

He got into his Mercedes and drove down his parents' driveway. While he waited for the gate to open, he checked his picture in the rearview mirror. Actually, he didn't look bad at all. The wife beater showed off his muscles quite well. It even looked like he had biceps.

After a few minutes, his phone rang. They wondered if he was on his way yet. "Sure thing, bro," he replied. If he could maybe stop by the hardware store, they needed a few more things. "On ma way!"

He had been sent the shopping list via WhatsApp. He packed everything into his shopping cart. Did he actually have work gloves with him. To be on the safe side, he bought a few more. At the checkout line, the customer in front of him turned around and very clearly wrinkled her nose. My God, he hadn't showered this morning. And the undershirt wasn't fresh either. But this was the hardware store, not Saks Fifth Avenue.

He tossed the purchase into the trunk of his Mustang. His toolbox was still in there. He probably wouldn't have needed most of the stuff. Damn, there had to be cigarettes somewhere in the passenger footwell. He rummaged between Mc Donalds bags and beer cans. There was the pack of filterless Marlboros. Almost empty. But one was enough for the moment. A quick glance in the rearview mirror. He was a beast of a man. His fiery red full beard reached almost to his powerful pecs. And he loved the way his mullet fell on his broad shoulders.

He knew college kids. Most of the time, they didn't have anything prepared when you moved. At least the essentials were often missing. So he stopped briefly at the supermarket and picked up two cases of beer. And a pack of smokes. He loaded the beer onto the back of his Dodge Ram with the ladders and tools. And lit a new cigarette. As he tickled the fur on his chest, he sang along loudly to the country song playing on the radio. He loved to make a few extra bucks on the weekends with the rich college kids. He was a gardener at heart. But seeing the effete youngsters trying to operate a drill press was just priceless!

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 15:

You can see it with the lights out: You are in love…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

Note: I changed the racing calendar, I switched Miami with Imola

As I walked down the stairs the door opened and Mum and Dad, together with Sissy and Liam walked through the door, apparently coming straight from the airport, they looked at me confused. Sissy grabbed Liam by the hand and they disappeared in the living room, with Liam asking confused what’s going on. But Sissy just shushed him and they were gone.

"When did you arrive?" Mum asked.

"Where were you?" Dad asked.

"Yesterday. And where was I supposed to be?" I answered and Mum and Dad exchanged some glances.

"Where were you supposed to be? Maybe still in Australia like you said? Or maybe in the plane with us? Or no wai…" Dad begun but I shrugged my shoulders, walking past them into the kitchen "Lizzie?"

"I had to leave earlier…" I said and opened up the fridge.

"Oh? Is that it? You had to leave earlier?" Dad sounded mad.

"Yup." I wanted to squeeze past him but he didn’t let me through.

"What happened? Why did Charles look like he went through the worst night ever, telling us that you left with the first plane in the morning because you had to go to the factory, doing some simulator work?" Dad asked, knowing that he caught us lying.

"Umm I… I mixed up the dates, I’m supposed to be there tomorrow, but Pete already texted me that it’s not necessary before Friday…" I lied and Dad scoffed.

"You said you would stay with Charles in Australia for some days?" Mum asked and I shrugged my shoulders again.

"I know, but Debbie’s nursery school dance is this week and I promised her to come" I lied again and made a mental note to call Andrea right away when I got back to my room.

"Oh, that’s sweet." Mum said although she looked still a little unconvinced.

"Yep, it’s on Thursday. So yeah, I should better check in with Andrea what to wear!" and with that I grabbed my orange juice from the fridge and went back to my room. I could hear how they discussed whether or not I’m telling the truth, but Dad was convinced I was lying.

As I checked my phone I saw 13 more missed calls, 21 iMessages, 15 WhatsApp messages and 9 Instagram DMs from Charles. My stomach clenched and I unlocked my phone right as Pierre called, but I ignored it. He was probably still with Charles. But I needed space. What happened was clearly the alcohol taking over. And with the next race coming up being a new track where no real simulator data or whatsoever existed, I had to focus on Miami. Not on the mistake Charles and I made. Both drunk. Both not knowing what we were doing. End of the story. But whenever I closed my eyes I saw Charles face. Charles how he smiled at me on the podium. Charles how he hugged me after the race. Charles how he swallowed hard when I showed him my outfit for our celebration in some Melbourne club. Charles how he danced with me. Charles body grinding against mine. Charles intense gaze. Charles pulling me with him in a dark corner. Charles pushing me against the wall. Charles smile after our first kiss. Charles face when I pushed him off of me. Charles heartbroken face when I left him at the airport standing. Charles. Only Charles. Always in my mind. I let myself fall into my pillows, face first and screamed.

Charles POV:

"Charles? Hey? Charles, are you o…?" Pierre began but when he looked at my face he immediately fell silent.

"She’s really gone, Pierre. I begged her to stay… but she left anyway…" I whispered and walked past him. Sitting down on the bed.

"Give her some time… she’s scared, like you said…" Pierre sat down next to me.

"No. It feels different. It feels like I’m losing her…" I whispered and I felt a peng in my chest, my breathing ragged. Tears prickling my eyes. It was over. I lost her. There’s no coming back from this.

"Don’t say that! You and Lizzie belo-…" Pierre began as I interrupted him.

"There’s no Lizzie and I. Not anymore. I destroyed it." my voice sounded void just as how I felt "You can go back to your room now. It’s okay. I’m okay…" I got up and walked towards the bathroom "Thanks Pierre, for being here for me…" with that I disappeared and locked the door. After a couple of moments I heard the room door closing and I sat on the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest. I destroyed everything. Our friendship. Our families. Everything. I tried to call her again, I just needed to tell her that I’m sorry, but the call got straight to her voicemail. I leaned my head back into the called tiles and let the anxiety and pain of the last hours fully consume me.

I packed my suitcase, threw everything in that Lizzie forgot to pack and left the hotel room. Lied to her parents. Hugged them goodbye. Tried to call her again and again, texted her. Nothing. I flew back to Maranello earlier than planned, speaking to no one. Joris and Andrea exchanged worried glances but I ignored them.

I focused on Miami. Racing was the only thing I had left now.

"Charles? Can we talk?" Joris asked as he sat down on the sofa and I looked up from my notebook.

"Yeah? What’s up?" I said and closed the book, laying it down next to me.

"I wanted to ask you the same… what happened in Australia?" he looked worried.

"Have you talked to Pierre?" I asked and he looked at me confused.

"No? Why?"

"It’s nothing. I’m okay. Don’t worry!" I replied and took my book back from the sofa.

"But we are worried? You have said maybe 5 sentences in total in the last 3 days, you look horrible, what’s going on?" he asked.

"I’m fine, okay? I need to focus on racing. That’s it." I sighed and opened my notebook again, signalling that the conversation was over for me. He looked at me for a minute before he got up and left. I took my phone out, looked at her contact info, thumb hovering over the screen. Should I call her again? Maybe try it again? Maybe there was still some hope left? I swallowed hard. No.

My flat felt cold and empty as I walked past the pictures on the wall. Flashbacks of how Lizzie said that if I wanted to hang up some pictures I should make them all the same size, the same clean frame, photographs in black and white to keep it quiet and not busy on the eye. I stood in front of the picture Joris took of us, at the lookout, one of my favourite spots in Monaco. Lizzie’s as well. I didn’t know how long I stood there, staring at the picture. But as my phone rang I was startled. I accepted the call, but my throat was tight and I almost couldn’t speak.

"Yeah?" I croaked out.

"Charles? Are you okay?" Lorenzo. I swallowed hard.

"Umm… yeah, fine." I said and walked into my living room, sitting down on the sofa.

"Can I come over? There are some things we need to decide for All Time." he asked and I leaned back.

"Sure." I closed my eyes "I’m here."

"Alright, I’ll be there in 20 minutes?" he said.

"Yup."

"Woah! Are you sure you’re okay?" Lorenzos first words when I opened the door.

"Wow… thanks, good to see you too." I mumbled and walked back into kitchen, grabbing some water and glasses.

"Sorry, but you look horrible? Are you getting sick?" he asked as he sat down on the sofa, looking intently at me.

"Don’t think so, no." I said and poured us our water "So, what needs to be done?"

He looked at me for another moment before he shook his head slightly and dived right into talking business. I didn’t listen, not really. My mind occupied by Lizzie. How beautiful she looked in her dress. Her pink cheeks when we were dancing. Her surprised look when I pulled her with me into this dark corner. That little sigh I took right off of her lips. Her lips. Soft and sweet. Her body melting into mine. Her smell. Always the same for years. Something tropical, like coconut, mango and pineapple, mixed with the smell of fresh laundry and a tinge of lime, that little spritz of excitement. I never felt this good in my entire life. Winning the championship wouldn’t even compare to it. My heart rate going through the wall because for one moment I thought I was on top of the world, having everything I ever wanted. But the look in her eyes as she pushed me off of her. That fear. It sent shivers done my spine. Because that was the moment I probably lost her forever.

"Charles? Hey?" Lorenzo snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked in confusion "Okay what’s going on? What happened in Australia? Don’t give me that look. Speak up!"

"Nothing happened!" I insisted, going for my glass of water but spilling it in the process "Fuck!" I jumped up to get a towel but I tripped, ending up knocking over the little trophy I got from Liam for my birthday last year. Best uncle in the world. How proud Liam was as he handed it to me, telling me it took him almost 2 days to make it, even tho Lizzie helped him a little, just to reveal later that Lizzie did the most work and it actually only took almost 2 days because the clay had to dry over night. I watched as the trophy tumbled down the little side table and ended up on the floor. Shattering into pieces. I choked.

"No. No. No. No." I whispered as I knelt down looking at the pieces "No. God. Please. No. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry."

I didn’t felt the tears that were streaming down my face or Lorenzo kneeling down next to me. I just looked at the broken pieces that resembled what I’ve done to Lizzie and our families and felt crestfallen.

"Come here…" Lorenzo whispered, pulling me into a hug and I let out a heartfelt sob. I let it all out. I cried the tears that I tried to hold in for dear life over the past few days. Sobbing and whimpering. Lorenzo only held me close, gently rubbing my back, telling me that everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t going to be okay. I made sure of that.

I opened my eyes and looked around, I was curled up on the floor, head on a pillow, blanket covering me, Lorenzo sitting next to me, rubbing my back every now and then. He scrolled through his phone as I slowly sat up, he looked up from his screen. Silently he handed me a glass of water and I downed it in one big gulp. My throat was sore, my head pounding. He poured me another glass which I also gulped down in one go. I rubbed my eyes and groaned when I saw how late it was. I slept for almost 2 hours. I looked around frantically, the pieces of the trophy. Where were they.

"I put everything I could find in a bowl, on the table." Lorenzo said and I looked for said bowl.

"Thanks." I whispered, voice hoarse and I cleared my throat.

"Can we talk about what happened? And I’m not talking about the broken trophy. No, I mean in general? Why was Sissy asking me if you’re alright? She didn’t hear from you since Australia and Lizzie is acting strange as well? Joris said you were awfully quiet these past days in Maranello? Your sim work has seen better results? And now I come here and you look like you haven’t slept in days, your not focused and you break down over a broken trophy? I know Liam made it for you. I know it’s sad, but you cried for almost 30 minutes straight before you fell asleep on the floor… what happened in Australia between you and Lizzie?" Lorenzo looked at me insistently. I leaned back against the sofa, ruffling my hair before I took a deep breath.

"I messed up, Enzo. Big time. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me…" I whispered and he chuckled a little.

"I think you underestimate how much Lizzie loves you… so, what did you do?" he asked and I sighed and then I told him everything. The club, the kiss, the devastation, the showdown at the airport, the alone time back in our hotel room, the family the next morning, the hundreds of unanswered calls and texts. Everything.

"And what are you going to do now?" Lorenzo asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Ask her for forgiveness? Ask her to forget what happened? Try to mo…" I began but he slapped the back of my head "Ouch! What the fuck?"

"Wrong answer! You’re not that stupid, come on! Try again!" his voice was firm.

"I don’t know, okay? What am I supposed to do? Maybe I misjudged everything and she never reciprocated my feelings and she’s…" I began again. SMACK. "Seriously if you slap me one more time I’m going to…"

"You’re going to what? Fight me? Good! At least then I know that there is still some fighter mentality left in you! Charles, she loves you! You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. She was scared! You know what it will mean if you guys officially start dating? The media will come for her! Not you! Her! Of course she’s freaking out a little! But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you! You are one of the smartest people I know, for gods sake, she’s one of the smartest people I know… and still you guys are so unbelievably stupid! And blind! Get your shit together! Fight for her!" Lorenzo said and I looked at him for a while, thinking about his words.

"But what if loving her isn’t enough? What if I can’t give her what she deserves? What she needs? What if I can’t protect her from all the shit that will happen?" I almost whispered and he grabbed my arm, making me look at him.

"Isn’t she worth the fight?" he held my gaze.

"She’s worth everything." I choked out.

"Did she ever gave up on you before?" Lorenzo asked and I swallowed hard.

"No. Never…" I whispered, blinking tears away.

"Then you shouldn’t give up on her now." he said and got up "You have a girl and a race to win this weekend."

He was right. I had to fight.

"So you’re telling me that you and Charles kissed. Finally, after what? 10 years of crushing hard on him? And your reaction was to flee the freaking country?" Shima’s look was almost comical, Andrea just shook her head.

"I know you since you’re 5 Lizzie and I remember how you told me the first time about Charles when you were like 7? 8? And even back then I thought that you had a huge crush on him! Why did you run away?" Andrea asked and handed Debbie another apple slice.

"Because if he’s not feeling the same, our friendship is over when he knows that I’m in love with him!" I say and they both groan.

"How can you be so, Debbie cover your ears sweetie, thanks. How can you be so fucking blind? Charles is as much in love with you as you’re with him! He always was in love with you! Since I know him! God even during his stupid relationship with the devils spawn he was so madly in love with you! Why do you think Camille hated you so much?" Shima whisper shouted and Andrea nodded in agreement.

"Are you telling me that you never felt the chemistry between you? The sparks flying like crazy? Do you really think it’s normal for best friends being this close? This touchy? Almost intimate? Haven’t you seen how Charles always looked at you?" Andrea said and I swallowed hard "God, sometimes I’m even jealous of you guys! Simon and I work out perfectly, we’re in sync and happily in love. But next to you guys? Your chemistry? Pffff. We’re not anywhere close to that level of intimacy!"

"Let’s say he feels the same? What if it’s not working out between us? What if we both feel after a month or two that we’re not working out together? Our friendship would be ruined!" I whispered and Andrea sighed.

"Lizzie, you and Charles basically were kinda dating since forever! You just didn’t realise it. You spent most of your free time with him, he was always the first one you called whenever something was happening in your life, he was always the first one you thought about in the morning, the last one you thought about at night, if you’re being honest with yourself! And for him it was most definitely the same!" Andrea said and I looked conflicted.

"I don’t know, okay? I can’t think about this right now! There are other things that come first! The race! Dads birthday! The media and practically half of Social Media still hating on me even after I finished 2 out of 3 races on the podium! As a rookie!" I said and Shima just shook her head, but said nothing. Why won’t they understand why I was scared?

Miami was different, to say the least. It was hot, humid. A lot was going on off track. I arrived on Tuesday with Dad, Sissy and Liam. I had to attend some events from sponsors, do another Audi Challenge with Valtteri and then of course the press conference on Thursday, where I was unfortunately in the same group as Charles. I had successfully managed to avoid him over the past 2 days, we only saw each other at breakfast where I pretended that everything was fine, so that no one got suspicious, but all streaks of luck must end and as I walked into the conference room he looked at me and gestured to the empty seat next to him. I pretended I hadn’t seen it and sat down between Lewis and Seb. In the corner of my eye I could see Charles looking defeated.

"Trouble in paradise?" Seb whispered and I looked at him confused. "Usually you two are like thick as thieves? And today you walk in, separately, not even looking at him and then sitting next to me instead of him?"

"It’s nothing, Seb, really! It’s just that the media is a bit annoying, constantly painting us as the new F1 It-couple. Questioning if he used his connections to get his 'girlfriend' into F1. I just want to race. So yeah we’ll lay low now for a bit." I answered but Seb didn’t look convinced but said nothing. Lewis next to me just chuckled.

"But you’re cute together and his Insta post? Come on! Let the media talk and be happy! Because let’s be honest? Neither of you looks happy right now…" he said and I looked at Charles who sat in his chair, slumped, staring at his hands with blank eyes. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, while checking discreetly Charles‘ Instagram. I recognised the picture immediately, the memories of it playing in the back of my mind. Never let you go. I had to blink away the tears and took a deep breath while putting my phone back in my pocket. Why can’t this press conference be over just now. I had to go. Be alone. Calm down. Think.

"Lizzie! Lizzie! DAMN IT, LIZZIE!" Charles yelled and I flinched "Would you please stop running away from me?"

I slowly turned around and the look on his face nearly broke my heart, pain, inflicted by me.

"Charles, please not here. Not now. I’m already late…" I began but he only shook his head.

"I tried to call you like a thousand times! Texts, What’sApp, I even wrote you in fucking Instagram! But you just ignored it all, so we will talk, now!" he said and his voice was more pleading then demanding.

"There is nothing to talk about, we were both drunk, it happened! It meant nothing. End of the story! And now I go…" I began but Charles just scoffed.

"It happened? Just like that? Ok, let’s blame the alcohol after the race in the club. Fine. But if it really meant nothing, why did you flee the country? In the middle of the night? So headless you forgot almost half of your stuff at the hotel? Including your fucking passport that I had to bring you? And instead of talking to me you boarded a plane, leaving me standing at the airport! With no explanation?" although he had every right to be mad, his words weren’t said in spite, he sounded genuinely hurt.

"You’re right, okay? It was a dick move! I was just… I was confused, scared, because I didn’t wanted it to be awkward between us, you know? I wanted it to be like nothing ever happened. You and I. Our friendship. Back to normal. Back to us." I answered and he only shook his head.

"Back to normal? What normal? To the normal of all the almost kisses over the last years? When one of us pulled away in the last second? Back to all those moments, basically our entire life, when we could feel that this connection between us is so much more than just a normal friendship, that it’s simply lo…" he began as Julie shouted my name from across the paddock.

"I have to go." I whispered and turned to leave as Charles grabbed my wrist.

"If you would only allow yourself to feel it too and not be scared for once…" he said, then he let go of my hand and walked away.

With a pounding heart I walked towards Julie, because we would do our second Audi Challenge, this time "Finish the Lyrics".

I sat with Valtteri in our hospitality, Julie explaining us the rules, Walt set up the camera. I wasn’t really listening but I knew I had to smile through the video and tried my best to not think about what Charles had said, I had to play my part and be the bubbly and energetic Lizzie that they knew, otherwise I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“Ok, I’ll play a song and at a random part I will stop and the first of you who hit their buzzer has to finish the lyrics, if you’re correct you’ll get a point, if you’re wrong your opponent gets the point… understood?”Julie explained and I nodded, Valtteri gave a thumbs up. Julie started the first song.

Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck

It's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day

Working for her man, she brings home her pay for love. Mmm, for love

She says…

I hit the buzzer just a millisecond before Valtteri.

"We've gotta hold on to what we've got. It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We got each other, and that's a lot for love. We'll give it a shot" I looked at Julie and she nods.

"Correct, that’s one point for Lizzie! Just one sentence is enough, you don’t have to sing the half song!" Julie laughed and I looked at her shocked.

"It’s Bon Jovi! YOU HAVE TO SING THE ENTIRE SONG!" I exclaimed and Valtteri laughed and nodded agreeing.

"One sentence is enough! Next song…” Julie said and I sighed.

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the night

There she stood in the doorway

I heard the mission bell

And I was thinking to myself…

I was thinking hard for the the lyrics but before I could react, Valtteri already hit his buzzer.

"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell" he finished the lyrics and Julie clapped her hand.

"And that’s a point for Valtteri!" she said and I laughed.

"I was just thinking of if when you hit the buzzer!"

We played for 6 more rounds and in the end I won with 5:3.

"So guys, that’s it from us! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed it crushing the Finisher!" I said into the camera and Valtteri only laughed and bumped me with his shoulder. Walt stopped the recording and Julie was happy.

"Yup that was good! Thanks you two, you’re done for today!" she said as we both got up and walked out.

"See you tomorrow, Lizzie!" Valtteri said and I nodded and smiled as he walked away. I took out my phone, opened Uber and wanted to order a car, as someone pinched my side and I flinched and turned around to see who it was.

"Fuck! Seb! You can’t do that! I almost had a heart attack!" I said in German and he laughed.

"Sorry! You ok?" Seb asked and I laughed "All good between you and Charles? I saw you after the press conference…"

"It’s nothing, really. We’re having a different opinion on something but nothing serious!" I lied and Seb nodded slowly.

"You want my opinion? What you and Charles have, that’s unique, that’s something not many people find in their life’s… don’t throw it away because of a disagreement!" he said and I looked up at him "Anyways, how do you like Miami so far?"

"Hot? Humid? Too many people? Too many events?" I answered honestly and he nodded.

"So true! But the track itself looks like a lot of fun!" he replied "Come on, I’ll drive you to your hotel." I nodded thankfully and together we left.

"What’s wrong with you and Charles?" Dad asked as I prepared for qualifying "We’re here since Tuesday, you’re having separate rooms and use them both, I only saw him at breakfast! And I haven’t seen you two talk at all?"

"Dad, I think you forget that we’re not teammates anymore? I can’t hang out with him all the time?" I said and rolled my eyes.

"Yeah sure! Try that again. What’s wrong with you and Charles? Did you guys had have a fight?" he asked again and I just groaned.

Right on cue Pete appeared to talk something through with me and I looked at Dad apologetic.

"So, what’s wrong with our two lovebirds?" Sissy asked Dad, but he only shook his head.

"She said nothing, but we both know that’s a lie…" he answered and they watched me as I got in the car.

P9. What a shit result. I just couldn’t get a lap done. I climbed out of the car and Mick stood next to me.

"Tough track…" he said and I only shook my head.

"Not much grip and the downforce? Didn’t expect that." I answered and we walked together to our weighing. I could see Charles getting out of his car and how Carlos and Max congratulated him. I took my receipt from the weighing and followed Mick to Charles. I hugged Max first, nudged Carlos shoulder and then I stood in front of Charles. He looked at me with a smile but I knew it wasn’t a real one, his eyes stayed cold and I saw the hurt in them, but most importantly, he didn’t look me in the eyes, something behind me was his focal point.

"Congrats Charles." I said and hugged him, he only patted my back twice and then let go of me, it felt cold.

"Thanks Lizzie" he said and turned away to get his towel, I left with Mick.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked and I sighed.

"We had a little disagreement, but nothing serious." I replied and Mick nodded.

After the team briefing I gathered my belongings and left the paddock as fast as possible.

I walked straight into Pierre who looked annoyed.

"Lizzie." he said tight lipped, turning to walk away and I scoffed.

"What?" I asked and Pierre only shook his head "Oh come on! You shouldn’t pick a side here!"

"I’m not picking a side Lizzie, but would I do it, it would be his side for sure and you know why! I don’t care what happened before, but you left him at the airport, after he basically saved your ass! You have no idea how he was when he came back to the hotel. You left him! HIM! You did the one thing he’s the most afraid of, being left alone… and then you ignored him! Grow the fuck up, Lizzie and admit what we all already know!" he just said and then walked away.

"That’s unfair!" I almost yelled but he just shrugged his shoulders and kept walking.

I almost sprinted to my car and drove back to the hotel.

Back in my room I took a shower and sat down on the bed. We kissed, in the club, both drunk. But what did it mean? It felt good, it felt right. It felt like our bodies just belonged together. It felt like home. But what about our friendship? Could we risk losing it for what exactly? The thought alone, losing him, his family, even his friends, was scaring me enough to tell myself we shouldn’t be doing it. But if it’s so wrong, then why did it felt so right? I laid down, my head spinning. I had to think of Pierre’s words, he was right. I did the one thing Charles was most afraid of. I left him. After I promised him in the past again and again that I would never leave him. And then I left him standing at the airport. Him out of all people. How could I do that? What was wrong with me! I felt tears prickling in my eyes and closed them. Taking a deep breath. Do I love Charles? Yes. Am I in love with Charles? Yes. Do I want him as my boyfriend? Yes. Do I picture a future with him by my side? Yes. Do I want to grow old with him? Have children? A house? A dog? Basically everything just with him? YES. Am I afraid about the consequences if this is nothing more than just a stupid crush? Yes. Is it more than just a stupid crush? Yes. But would the media bash me for dating a fellow driver? Yes. Would they call me all kinds of names? A paddock bunny? Yes. Would they keep up the narrative of me being only here because of Charles? Yes. Would everything I ever fought for be diminished? Yes. Not for the first time in the last weeks I screamed into my pillow. After a while I had exhausted myself and fell asleep.

I woke up. Cold sweat on my face. Breathing shallow. Body all tensed up. Paralysed. It happened again. The first time in months. I tried to calm myself down. But the thoughts all returned and I felt the tears streaming down the sides of my face. Why must it happen before a race? On an unknown track? When my mind was already in shambles over the situation with Charles. How I hurt him and how he must hate me now? Why now? Panic began to rise.

"Lizzie? You’re still in bed? Get up! You overslept!" Dad woke me up, Liam jumping on my bed.

I stirred and sat up slowly, my muscles aching, head pounding. Whole body tense. I felt exhausted and like throwing up as Dad opened the curtains.

"Come on! You need to get ready!" Dad said and I scrambled out of bed. Then I hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Pops! Give me 15 minutes." I said and grabbed an Audi hoodie, some jeans and went straight for the bathroom. I took a deep breath and jumped under the shower, got out and gave my best to look at least decent. I felt like a tank rolled over me. Twice. But I couldn’t show it. Just smile and get it over with.

"Alright, let’s go!" I said, storming out of the bathroom, grabbing my phone, access pass and sunglasses.

"Where’s your Audi kit?" Dad asked and scoffed as he saw my jeans "And why do you young people need to wear jeans that cost a fortune but are destroyed? Make it make sense? It’s less fabric so it should cost less!"

"Dad! I’m not having a discussion about style whatsoever with you now! Not on your birthday where I have to be nice to you! And at the hospitality I will change into a proper team shirt! But for now, let’s go!" and we left my hotel room. As we stepped into the elevator it drove up two floors and as it opened Charles, Joris and Andrea stood in front of us.

"Charlie!" Liam screeched and bolted straight into his arms.

"Hey Bubba! Excited for today?" Charles asked him and Liam nodded and they got into the elevator.

"Happy Birthday, Pops!" Charles said and patted his shoulder and Dad just smiled. I hugged Joris and Andrea who then preceded to congratulate Dad as well. I pressed a smile at Charles, who gave me an awkward side hug and I was more than happy that he had Liam in his arms.

"I see, you’re Lizzie’s supporter number 1 today!" Charles laughed and pointed at my team merch Liam was wearing, cap, shirt and shoes.

"But look, I’m wearing your Ferrari bracelet!" Liam showed Charles the bracelet and Charles’ smile got bigger.

"How lucky we are, to have you as our supporter!" he laughed and the rest laughed with him, all but me. I focused on the floor, feeling dizzy and slightly overwhelmed.

"Alright, let’s cut to the point… what is going on here?" Dad asked bluntly and looked between me and Charles. I sighed and Charles just shook his head.

"What do you mean?" he asked and Andrea just groaned while Joris sighed.

"You two? Since Australia you don’t speak, no Lizzie don’t look at me like that, when you’re on the phone together literally half Ludwigsburg can hear you… since we arrived we only saw you at breakfast… so? What’s going on here?" Dad said and I only shook my head.

"We had a little disagreement. We both are stubborn. End of the story." I said and as the elevator door opened I was the first one to exit, almost sprinting away.

"Little disagreement my ass!" I could hear Dad saying but I stormed through the door.

"You’re late!" JK greeted me as I stepped out the hotel, I looked up at him and he hugged me "Where’s the rest?"

"They’re coming, where’s the car?" I asked as a bright green Audi RS8 parked in front of us "I hate him! I said I don‘t want that car! Everyone will stare at us!" Felix thought it was hilarious to always send me a car in the brightest colours, just to annoy me.

"Ooouuhhh! Nice ride!" Joris said behind me and I groaned.

"You wanna drive it?" I joked and shook my head. "Come on, JK. We gotta go. Dad, your car is coming in… oh there it is."

"I wanna go with Charlie!" Liam whined as Charles sat him down.

"That’s not possible, Liam! Charles will only have space for one person!" Sissy explained as Liam pouted.

"That’s unfair! We haven’t seen Charlie for so long!" he mumbled and my heart broke. Charles took the key from the attendant and threw it to Andrea.

"You guys take the F40, I’ll drive with Liam and Co." he said and Liams eyes began to sparkle "Come on, Bubba!" he took his hand and he got into the van, followed by Sissy and Dad.

"Damn, I understand why everyone always says he’s made out of boyfriend material… he’s the jackpot when it comes to boyfriends… just saying." JK chuckled and got into the car. I watched how the van drove off and Liam waved, I waved back, locking eyes with Charles for a moment, he only smiled sadly and then focused on something Liam said.

"I hate Miami!" I grumbled and got into the car. Headache getting worse by the second, the tension in my body growing. f1 has posted a new story

During the whole drivers parade, the build-up, starting procedure, everything I could feel Charles eyes on me and as I made my way to the back where my car was he walked up to me.

"Lizzie! Lizzie! Listen! What happened happened and we need to talk about it, please stay, I just… Fuck Lizzie! We said we never race when we’re mad at each other! So come on! Please!" he pleaded and walked next to me. I slowly turned and looked at him, his pleading eyes making my knees go wobbly. I nodded slowly.

"Drive safe. Drive fast. Drive to win!" we both said, our mantra for years, we usually said it somewhere more private, but still. We said it before every race in the past.

"Thank you!" he whispered as he pulled me into a tight hug "I’m sorry, ma belle!" he looked at me for a second but my throat felt tight. He just nodded, a tinge of sadness in his eyes, then he walked back to the front of the grid, to his car, waiting on pole for him.

"I’m sorry, too…" I whispered and turned around, preparing myself.

"Radio check." Pete said but I didn’t listen, I thought about what Charles said, what happened happened and we needed to talk about it. Do we? And why do I feel so hot out of the blue?

"Lizzie? Radio check?" Pete again, no reaction from me, but what if we talk about it but both want a different solution or outcome? What outcome do I want? Starting to date Charles would be the end of my career. No one would take me serious anymore? I would be a paddock bunny. I would confirm all their theories, that I only got into F1 because I slept with someone important. But shouldn’t that be someone from F1 then? And why does my headache got even worse although I took a painkiller.

"Lizzie!" Matt waved his hands in front of my visor and I looked up "Something wrong with the radio?" I blinked, feeling sweaty and dizzy.

"I don’t know." I pressed the radio button "Radio check."

"Loud and clear. Thanks." Pete answered.

"Copy." I took a deep breath, feeling slightly nauseous. Focus, Lizzie! Damn it! Come on!

Formation Lap. Okay. It’s manageable.

One last deep breath. Light’s out. I accelerated, overtaking Norris and Russell right at the start, who touched wheels, creating a gap for me. I felt a little bump as I excited turn 3 and pushed the throttle as much as possible.

"Damage?" I asked.

"Negative. P7. Good start."

The next 3 laps I battled almost in every corner with Seb, I felt the exhaustion seeping through my bones, making it harder to pass him. Then he finally left enough space for me to slip through, but in the next corner he almost caught me again but I hit the apex perfectly and could manage to put a bigger gap between us.

"Hamilton in front. 1.4 seconds ahead."

"Who’s faster?"

"Currently you, but only slightly."

5 more laps and I closed the gap to Hamilton, but at this point I straight up felt like I would faint any moment. I tried my best to focus and somehow managed to pass Hamilton. But the tension in my muscles made it harder and harder to grip the steering wheel and to held my head up through the g-forces.

"Perez ahead. You have DRS. Go."

Pete. Somethings wrong. I said, but nothing happened. Pete! I think I have to stop. No words were leaving my mouth.

Perez didn’t leave much space and as I wanted to brake and leave him the space he wasn’t leaving me, I was unfocused for a second. Right at the entrance of the corner our front tires touched and I spun out. I didn’t even tried to brake or save the car by counter steering. I just closed my eyes and waited for the impact. Right at this moment I felt remorse, not having talked with Charles about us. Now it was too late anyways.

I stirred around, opening my eyes.

"Charles? What are you doing here? Dad’s outside…" I began but Charles only shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed, still in his racing suit.

"I can’t do this anymore, Lizzie. I’m tired of it… tired of pretending that we’re just friends when I’ve loved you all my life!" his voice falters for a moment "God, I’m so in love with you, Lizzie! It’s like from the moment I’ve met you, you nestled yourself inside of my brain, attached yourself to my heart, my soul… and I can never ever let go of you and I don’t want to! Because my whole being, my thoughts, my everything, is consumed by you!" he scoots closer, cradling my face between his hands, his voice sounds almost broken as he continued "And I can’t sleep, I can’t breath, I can’t eat… I can’t function properly anymore because all I can think about is you! Lizzie, I love you!" he’s so close now that I can feel his hot breath on the tip of my nose, I could see the tiny freckles on his nose, the little speckles of gold in his eyes "And after today, after I almost lost you. Again. Please! Mon amour, please say yes…"

"Say yes to what?" I whispered and he came even closer, our lips almost touching.

"To me. To us." he whispered back, his gaze wandered down to my lips "To our life together. Say yes and I’ll be yours, even though I always was." I felt my insides flutter, the butterflies going crazy, the heat rising to my cheeks.

"But what if…" I began but he pressed his lips onto mine and I melted. Every resolve I had crumbled. The kiss was tender, sweet, promising. I felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. My whole body was tingling, heating up. My heart was beating out of my chest. It felt like this was where I belonged. Where Charles belonged. This was home. After what felt like an eternity I opened my eyes again, Charles still as close as before, smiling his most beautiful smile, dimples dimpling.

"I love you, cara mia!" he said it with so much love and conviction that I blushed even harder.

I took a deep breath. All my emotions boiling over, but it was now or never.

"I love you too, Charles, like really… but I’m so scared!" I said with a shaky voice and closed my eyes. He only pressed his forehead against mine and paused for a minute.

"Don’t be, nothing will change!" he answered and I just nodded slowly "What’s going on inside of your pretty head?”

"Can we keep this, for now, between us?" I asked quietly and looked down at my hands in my lap.

"Hey, look at me, Lizzie." he whispered and gently grabbed my chin, lifting my face up to look at him "We do this the way you want it to! It’s just you and me! Well and Pops…" he says softly and I looked at him confused.

"Dad?" I asked nervously.

"How do you think I got in here? As soon as the podium ceremony was done, I left and got here. He spoke with the nurse and then he told me to finally make my move…" Charles said and I laughed.

"A move you made." I smiled as he leaned in and kissed me again, then he hugged me and inhaled deeply.

"This is what I always wanted… just you and me…" he whispered.

"Against the world." I continued and Charles chuckled and sat up, then he took my hands in his.

"Forever and always!" he said and I smiled.

The door opened quietly and Dad looked inside.

"The Doctors want to see you, Lizzie." he said and I nodded, Charles stood up but I grabbed his hand.

"I’m not leaving. I’m just making space." he chuckled and sat down in the chair next to my bed as the doctors walked in.

"How are you, Lizzie?" the brunette one said.

"I’m okay, just a bit tired." I answered honestly.

"Any pain?" he asked.

"A little headache and my body in general feels a bit tense." I answered and he nodded.

"You have a slight whiplash, nothing to bad. And your body will feel tense for a couple of days and then it should be fine, as well as the whiplash. No work-outs, lots of water and rest and you should be good to go in a couple of days." he said and I looked at him with wide eyes "Oh! No you can leave tomorrow I meant in a week you’re good to go back to racing."

"Thanks, Doc." I said relieved and he nods.

"I’ll prescribe you some pain killers and something that helps you sleeping. Pain killers whenever the pain get’s too much but three are the maximum a day. Sleeping pill around 30 min before you go to bed, if needed." he explained and I nodded "I’ll leave you to rest. Mr. Leclerc, visiting hours ended 30 minutes ago. Only family members are allowed to stay."

"I’m not leaving her side." Charles said immediately and Dad chuckled.

"It’s alright Doc, he stays and I’m leaving." he said and the doctors nodded.

"Alright. If you need anything, push the call button." a nurse replied and with that they left.

"Andrea will be here any minute, bringing you new clothes. Get some rest. Both of you!" Dad said and kissed my forehead and squeezed Charles shoulder as it knocked on the door and Andrea walked in with Charles’ backpack.

"Oh Lizzie! My pretty girl, how are you?" he asked in Italian and handed Charles his backpack.

"I’m okay, thanks Andrea!" I answered in Italian as well and Andrea kissed both my cheeks, then he hugged Charles and whispered something to him, Charles only nodded.

"Rest up. Both of you!" he said and with that he left the room together with Dad.

"You can take a shower in there, if you want." I said and nodded my head in the direction of the attached bathroom, Charles looked hesitant for a moment "I’ll still be here when you come back!” I reassured him and he nodded and left with the backpack.

I scrolled through my phone as I came upon a post from Sky about the post race press conference, which Charles wasn’t attending, he left almost straight after the podium procedure. Apparently the FIA was considering to fine him. Why didn’t he just wait for after the press conference before he came in here? I didn’t want him in any kind of trouble because of me. Reading the comments was, as always, not a good idea. Where most people agreed that it was sweet from Charles to immediately leave and check on me, some people called him a love sick puppy and he should be fined for leaving. Others asking how I made it even into F1, spinning out like that. If I would be honest, the people would think differently. But I won’t tell anyone besides JK and Dr. Lindner what happened today. And how we can prevent it from happening again.

"About what are you thinking that hard?" Charles soft voice made me flinch. He stood in the doorframe, wearing grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"The FIA thinks about fining you… you should’ve stayed for the press conference, Charles! I don’t want you to have any trouble because of me!" I said quietly but he only shook his head, switched the light in the bathroom off and walked over to me.

"If it was for me, I would’ve left straight after I got out of my car. I wasn’t even celebrating. I just wanted to see you. That was my priority!" he whispered and took my hand in his and kissed it. He then pulled the armchair close to the bed and I looked at him curiously.

"And what are you doing?" I asked and he looked up.

"I’m making myself a little comfortable." he answered and grabbed the stool but I chuckled.

"Oh no, you’re not sleeping in an armchair and a stool! You have two options! You’re sleeping on that sofa, or you’re sleeping with me in the bed, there’s enough space. So, what will it be Leclerc?" I said and Charles looked over at the sofa that was at the other side of the room, then he looked at the bed and I scooted over to make him space.

"Okay, but you’re telling me when it gets uncomfortable!" he said and climbed in next to me. Then he laid on his side and I leaned into him a little, his arm under my head, legs intertwined. "I could get used to this!" he kissed my temple and I giggled.

"It’s not the first time that we’re sharing a bed!" I said and Charles nodded.

"But it’s the first time after we both… umm… confessed our feelings!" he answered and I yawned a little "And now sleep! You need rest!" He kissed my temple again and switched the light off.

"Yeah I need to be fit for DisneyWorld. We’re meeting Mum, Marcus, Lisa and Benji there tomorrow. For dads birthday, but also for the kids… you want to come with us? I know it’s a bit last minute but…" I began but Charles laughed only.

"Liam invited me already, I’m coming with you!" he said and I smiled.

"He did? Sneaky little lad!" I laughed "Oh and before I forget it, Daniel and Isaac are also tagging along."

"Daniel and Isaac? As in Daniel Ricciardo and his nephew Isaac?" he asked and I nodded "How did that happen?"

"They bumped into Sissy and Liam on Friday, started talking and Liam invited them earlier today as well… and Daniel was more than happy to agree…" I chuckled.

"What am I missing?" he asked.

"Oh… you’ll see…" I yawned and cuddled closer into him.

————————————————————————

Little Note:

Aaaand chapter 15 is out - Lizzie and Charles made it! THEY FINALLY MADE IT… from now on it will be fluffier than fluffy, right?! 👀👀👀

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1 @janeholt3 @maeve-wileyy @18754389

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

[usyx]

The only way I can describe it is surrealism. It’s like the world has been rewritten in comic sans - funny but fundamentally ‘off’. Trees, the colour of the sky, colours in general.

It’s isolating even though I’m surrounded by people every day. I’ve shed my introversion because I crave constant stimulation and distraction provided by people, my phone and porn.

I went to a magic show and was picked to go on stage where I laughed and joked and I didn’t feel shy. I was a performer. The magician said to choose the next trick and I asked him to make me disappear. I shut my eyes whilst he grabbed my wrists too tightly and I didn’t feel anything.

I was in a work meeting with colleagues and during a check-in, I said I’m not sleeping at all. I studied everybody’s faces in the small boxes on Microsoft Teams and people nodded knowingly and my manager said ‘understandable’. Everybody knows but I don’t feel ashamed. I don’t feel anything.

I have had 5 brunches held in my honour and it is like I’ve died and I’m watching myself from above holding a mimosa and laughing too loudly whilst I outline my terrible choices and wait for disdain. It never comes.

My best friends surround me whilst I shove my phone in their faces and say “SEE? I’m NOT crazy, this is what is happening, LOOK”. I can’t quite believe it so I assume they must not be able to either. His closest friends have apologised to me. My dad changed the locks. It still doesn’t make me feel justified - I don’t feel anything.

I have to repeat this 3 times a week as that’s how many WhatsApp messages I receive due to the backtracking, the rescheduling, the threats and what my friends call gaslighting. Sometimes he tells me I’ve won the war. My mum says I will feel relief when his stuff is gone - as long as relief comes with sleeping through the night.

My garden door doesn’t lock and it never used to bother me but now my desk is in front of it, and I leave the key turned in the lock at night. I wake up with waves of contentment but also a distinct craving for someone bigger than me to hold me. To hurt me but also make me feel safe. To show me the two can exist together.

Nobody has asked me if l’m happier now but I am because I have let go of the thing that was supposed to make me happy. The thing that these same people told me should make me happy - maybe that’s why they don’t ask and buy me mimosas instead.

[doumekiss]

So for the past year or so every couple days my bio!dad started sending me messages on whatsapp, I think this is his way of trying to keep contact and to be a part of my life, but the way he does it is so fundamentally weird. 

Like half the days it’s those graphics with good morning and inspirational quotes and the other half is mostly selfies of him in various places or with people I think must be somewhat famous athletes (he had an early retirement from the navy a few years ago, but found a job as a referee for volleyball and basketball matches, and I don’t really know if the athletes are famous because the only sport I follow is figure skating), or how he is going to be interviewed on tv this day and that I should watch it, more rarely he sends me some information about my brother Bruno how he is going to europe or finished his post grad. Mostly I just answer generically with a cool or congrats. 

And he never asks me anything about myself or my life, like I went to check today and literally the last time he even send a basic “How are you?” was back in september, and the only time I remember him asking anything to do with me last year was this time there was this huge fire on my town’s landfill and in the following days my town was covered by a toxic gas cloud (and also that time he send me two videos on how to lose weight without any message or context, but I don’t think that really count as a question). Like not even those generic questions relatives ask during holidays he asks me like “How are your studies going? Have you been dating anyone? How is your mother doing?” you guys know the drill. Like I don’t understand why he would keep contact when he seems so fundamentally uninterested in me or my life. 

I know I don’t have much experience with the way dads usually text their daughters because my dad who raised me wasn’t really tech savy he mostly just showed up in person and called me on the phone, also he died before whatsapp was even a thing. But the way my bio!das texts seems so bizarre. 

[theforestknowsmydreams]

there was even really big good stuff! it got a bit way too long, but it's also very happy, so i'm leaving it below

context: my family is messed up. i grew up with my mother, and she eventually forbid me from contacting my father (who then passed) and would never miss an opportunity to talk bad about his side of the family. before 2024, the last time i saw them was 2016.

i gathered all my courage, and sent them all an email. my dad's siblings, and his step-mom (my godmother). that email was also how i came out as trans to them all. i was terrified. not long after, they all responded. how they were so so happy to hear from me, how they would of course love to meet up someday, what a question, and using my correct name and pronouns.

we set the date for our first ever family reunion. late march, my father's birthday. it was so scary. i hadn't been to the city we were meeting in since 2018, when i (unsuccessfully) tried to locate my father's grave on my own. i was also going to share a hostel room with strangers, so you can imagine the sheer dread i felt.

coincidentally, a (at the time new) beloved mutual was going to be in the same city about a week prior, to go to see a band we both like live. he encouraged me to also go to the concert, and we shared a room in the same hostel i was gonna be in after he left the city again, so i got a chance to check out the vibes and get used to it.

the concert was absolutely amazing, i made a lot of new friends and acquaintances, just, 10/10. can't wait to do it again. it also gave me the confidence to later hit up my older brother, who lives in the same city and who i also had not seen since 2018.

my brother and i met, and it was perfect. now that we were both adults we could talk about topics he previously avoided, like our childhoods, things we went through, relationships, etc. we talked for over 6 hours until i went back to the hostel. both of us are still using the photo we took together as our whatsapp profile picture.

meeting my dad's family was a little more daunting, but the fear quickly disappeared. my godmother had brought an old photo album of me that my late grandfather had kept, and we went through the pictures together. there was a lot of pictures of me with my dad i had never seen, and they shared stories of my childhood with me that i didn't remember. we went to their graves (dad and grandpa are buried in the same plot) and i didn't have a breakdown. and for once i felt like they would be proud of me. we had food, and we talked, and my godmother gave me a book written by a trans person that she had found and read after i came out. it was great.

in october, i got an email. they were planning another family reunion because they liked the first one so much. this time it was only my father's siblings, because we were going to my late grandmother's home city (and my godmother is not in best health to travel). and, somehow, this one was even happier than the first one.

i was less scared, i guess. most of us stayed at the same hotel because it was only one night and not too expensive, but one of my aunts and her boyfriend (who i hadn't seen since i was a child) have a small camper so they didn't need to. we visited the old family grave and they taught me a lot about our family history, we walked about the city together, had dinner, all the good stuff.

and i felt... at home.

maybe not in that city, but with the people i was sharing this time with. i finally know what family is supposed to feel like. my mother's side of the family and i don't talk anymore, and while i deeply love my older brother, he moved out when i was 3, and we both got issues that make it harder for us to connect.

they asked about my transition, but avoided invasive questions. one time i commented on a mushroom growing in the park we were walking through and my aunt sighed and said "all the men in this family are obsessed with foraging". when i say or do something that reminds them of my father, they will stop and tell me, and ask if i want to hear a story about it.

one email. one email and countless hours or being too scared to send it, that's all it took. i am learning about my childhood, my heritage, my family, and what my future could be. this filled with love.

since then, i've made an effort to do scary things more often. at least when it comes to relationships. message my younger step-siblings that i haven't talked to since breaking all contact with my mother. say "i love you" more. ask friends to hang out more often (i'm still working on that one tbh). i emailed my paternal family for the new year and they said that "we are absolutely meeting again next year. maybe march again?"

it was scary but it was so worth it.

hey honest question, did anybody have GOOD stuff happen to them in 2024? cause it was really bad for me and for most people i know, so it would be nice to hear about anything that's been going WELL for any of you. even if it's small stuff. just to know there's light out there.

[daretoknowthyself]

I haven't done a stream of consciousness wall of text for a while but for various I can't put this on twitter or Facebook or WhatsApp the person I'd usually bounce this shit off soooo hey.

I really struggle to compartmentalise stuff. Like. I can cope for so long and then somehow everything just mounts up and conspires to overwhelm me. And then I end up unloading it all on someone else, usually one person, and then I feel immense guilt, which naturally also fuels the whole cycle. So...mind dump time:

- I received my final warning from work just before Xmas for a gross misconduct offence and we agreed I'd have weekly check ins with one of the managers to help mitigate/avoid any repeats, and I was finding that helpful but then said manager had a holiday and then has a really bad injury so we've not had a check in for like 3 weeks

- My dad, who is partially paralysed and mostly non-verbal after a major stroke had major neurosurgery last week for a cranioplasty and got home this afternoon after a frustrating weekend of us not being able to get though to the hospital to find out how he was or when he'd be home

- I relapsed back into active alcohol addiction after 14 days of sobriety and am trying to claw my way back

- My mum has an ongoing medical condition which means she has to have blood transfusions every three weeks

- Because of everything that has been happening I seem to have stressed my way into having a period so I'm dealing with a whole boatload of unresolved gender dysphoria

- I'm in active discernment for ordination to the priesthood and every time I meet other potential ordinands or am supported by my existing clergy I feel so inadequate

- My grandmother has just gone to A&E because she continues to not be able to manage her diabetes, a few months after my grandfather has moved into full time residential care due to advanced alzheimers

Just. I'm tired. And scared. And in relapse. And guilty. And whilst for once I'm not actively wanting to hurt myself or anything else stupid. I would quite like a break.

And if you're wondering why I'm not telling my friend all of these things (though they do know most of them) they're currently receiving treatment for cancer, searching for a post curacy job, and separating from their partner with whom they have twin nine year olds

[mendymunster]

Hong Tien Vu Social Justice Talk

I was most interested in the last social justice talk because it had quite a bit to do with my topic as well. Professor Vu was presented the ways he was helping refugees with digital literacy. I was also surprised to learn that Vu is also a journalism professor at KU, so even more similar backgrounds.

During the talk, he explained the ways he taught digital literacy to refugees. This included things like learning how to use Microsoft Word, phones and computers, something we take for granted here in the states. He talked about the difficulty for many of the refugees to even use a mouse. Most of these people have really only used things like WhatsApp beforehand.

I think what was most important was when Vu was talking about not just digital literacy, but media literacy as a whole. With misinformation being able to be thrown every which way at a higher capacity than ever, it is important for them to know what they are reading. For people that used WhatsApp, it's common for tons of misinformation to be spread.

While Vu did come to the United States in 2009 and was not a part of the massive refugee wave through the 1980s-90s, I related very well with him. I even got a chance to talk with him one-on-one about getting refugees to trust technology, about my own experience with my dad who only pays in cash and check.

Overall, considering our common backgrounds as journalists and our families both being from the same part of the world, I think we really understood each other.

[survey--s]

534.

Do you prefer bar or liquid soap? Liquid, for sure. I hate the feeling/texture of bar soap.

What's the speed limit on your street? 20mph, but it’s normally impossible to even go that fast.

When was the last time you wore your favourite article of clothing? Yesterday.

Do any of your family members have an upcoming birthday? Yeah, my dad’s birthday is in about ten days.

On a scale of 1-5, 5 being the best, rate your last kiss. A three, maybe?

What is your favourite flavour of Jolly Ranchers? I’ve never had those.

Where was your Facebook profile picture taken? At home.

Do your parents smoke? Neither of them do.

Would you rather bake cookies or a potato? Cookies.

Who was the last person to stay the night at your house? Nobody ever sleeps over here.

Do you live close to a park? Yeah, there’s one about ten minutes away.

Is your favourite animal endangered? Yeah, tigers are.

Have you eaten pizza in the last week? Yeah, I had a roasted vegetable pizza on Saturday.

Who was the last person you added to your contacts list? An unknown number so I could look them up on WhatsApp.

How long does it take you to shower? Five minutes. I hate actually being in the shower but I love the feeling of being clean so I just get it over and done with.

Do you prefer a brand of bottled water over others, or is it all the same? I don’t drink bottled water.

Have you used Wikipedia today? Yeah.

Are you better at writing fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, for sure.

Do you know anyone who has moved to a different state? Yeah, I don’t know many people who haven’t lol.

How many pens can you see from where you’re sitting? Zero.

Have you ever dated someone one grade/year above or below you? Of course.

What language do you think you’d be good at? Italian. What language do you think you’d fail at? Any language with symbols lol.

Do you still have a landline phone at your house? No.

What is your current desktop background? Just an outer space image I got off Google.

How big is the television you last watched? It’s about 42″ I think.

Have you ever been stung by a bee or a wasp? Yeah.

How many schools have you been to in your lifetime? Two schools, and two universities.

What is the middle name of the last person you texted? He doesn’t have a middle name.

Are you of legal age in your country? Yes.

Why did you last visit a doctor? To get a sick note for work.

Would you prefer an ice cream cake or a regular cake? Regular cake.

How old is your best friend? 38.

What is/was your high school’s mascot? Schools in the UK don’t really have mascots.

Do you carry pain relievers with you at all times? Not on my person, but I always have some in the car.

Where is your mother right now? I assume she’s at home as she’s showing as online on Messenger.

What was the last thing to make you smile? Toby and Archie giving each other kisses lol.

Are you currently saving up for anything? Nothing specific, no - more just general “life” stuff.

What’s the view like from your bedroom window? Boring. It’s just the front street and the row of houses opposite.

Generally speaking, do you prefer sweet or savoury? Savoury.

What would you do if you got home and you saw your house had been destroyed? Panic? lol.

When did you last go outside, and what for? I went to fill my car up and grab an iced coffee.

Who is your favourite Sesame Street character? I never watched Sesame Street growing up really.

How often do you check your emails? Whenever I see that I have a new one.

Do you have any plans for this Thanksgiving? We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here.

What colour is your backpack? The bag I use the most is black.

Would you slap the last person you talked to for twenty dollars? Hahaha yes. 

What search engine do you usually use? Google.

How much did the shirt you’re wearing cost? About £4.

Patrick Stump or Pete Wentz? Neither.

Do you know anyone who gives way too many hugs? No.

What time do you usually wake up on Sundays? Around 8-9am.

Have you whispered today? No.

What grade did you get on the last test you took? Christ knows, I haven’t taken any kind of test in years.

[softesthobi]

love it when sexism :)

[elsyrel]

Arcana headcanons: main 6 and how they use the internet

I thought I wouldn’t write any more headcanons, but... lmao. What can I say? It’s funnier than I expected. I’m not the most versed person on social media myself, but I’m writting this anyway. Modern AU: 

Asra

Watches anime on pirate webs. Everytime it takes 5 to 10 minutes to start the episode because he doesn’t have Adblock installed. If you tell him to install it, he laughs and assures you he will. Next time, he hasn’t.

Aesthetic Instagram. Varies from the most beautiful art to the most absurd psychedelic nonsense.

Posts a controversial bomb on delicate site (twitter), and magically disappears when the discourse starts as if nothing had happened.

Has several art accounts where he posts from drawings to artesanal crafts. Sells commissions but obviously doesn’t pay taxes. 

Offers tarot readings to strangers. Uses thousands of emoticons to sound as unthreatening as possible.

Nadia

Exhaustive + extremely technical tutorials. Used by university cathedratics in their classes on daily basis without credit.

Periodically recieves several offers from companies to become an influencer. Politely rejects them all every time.

Not very interested in social media, uses the internet mainly for research. However, she is surprisingly generous with likes and reblogs for her friends.

Builds her own computer by buying each individual component and ensambling it all together. The result is a monster with the power of a NUCLEAR REACTOR, even though she doesn’t even need so much potency. Somehow, she manages to make it aesthetically pleasing and elegant.

Always... always... always grammatically correct, no matter the setting.

Julian

He is like a grandpa. Doesn’t understand shit. Has Windows XP as operating system. Calls the IT guy to delete the rejected documents from the recycle bin.

Mispronounces all social media names. No matter how many times you correct him, next time he will mispronounce it again. The weirdest thing is he never pronounces it the same way twice. You suspect that sometimes he does it on purpose to pull your leg.

Accidentally downloads multiple virus while trying to watch the most anodyne film. When weird shit starts to happen, he freaks out as if the government hackers were after him.

Resends the corniest chains. He sees nothing bad with Comic Sans font, or with pure red text over pure blue back. Your eyes will bleed.

Uses facebook to flirt with single moms and dads in his area.

Muriel

Ghosts everyone on whatsapp. He checks new messages once every 6 days at most.

Has a secret Tumblr nobody but Asra knows about. Follows mainly bird tematic blogs. Likes mainly funny videos of chickens and cute animals.  500 Likes. 0 Reblogs. 0 Posts.

Incognito mode for absolutely EVERYTHING, no matter how innocent. If he accidentally enters the Google page without incognito mode, he deletes the historial.

Sticks a piece of tape on the computer camera, just in case.

Listens to music in the shittiest quality and doesn’t give a fuck.

Portia

Cat. Picture. Hell. 70% of her phone memory are just pictures of random cats. Nine hundred and eighty seven photos of Pepi, and counting.

Posts advice for garden care... and it’s really, really good. Really thoughtful, with tons of examples and pictures. If someone asks something, she always knows the answer.

Has a youtube channel with videos of her exploring abandoned buildings, recorded by herself or Julian. Base of followers slowly but steadily going up.

Frequently makes funny videos of dumb stuff. All of them with shitty quality and too moved. A few of them have gone viral. 

Meme avalanch in the group chat at 7 in the fucking morning. There is no meme she doesn't know. The bombardment of memes and puns by whatsapp is constant and endless. Run.

Lucio

The most OBSSESSED with social media. Has an account on every single one of them and literally never shuts up. He gets really frustrated when he realizes that gaining followers is not as easy as he thought. Posts the most stupid opinions, then gets angry when he loses followers. ‘People don't know what’s good’.

Potential victim of cryptocurrency frauds.

The most exibitionist bitch on the net. Of course, he has an Onlyfans. But if you ask nicely, he just posts the nudes publicly anyway. 

Thirsty thirsty THIRSTY for notes. Checks every two minutes.

He is a famous patron in the furry artist community. He spends just. So. Much. Money. Some furries even debate if he is a real person, or just a myth, or maybe even several people. He is kind of a legend, actually.

[bigogles]

The foundertrio as your dad

Well what do you see them doing at home at least lol.

Tobirama

Actually works at home too

Helps you with your homework

Would lecture you and forget to actually check on you afterwards

Takes days off to take you on vacation

Patient but impatient

4/10 dad due to emotional unavailability

Madara

Rests after work

Cooks for you if you want

Helps you with homework too and is actually really good at teaching

Very quiet dad but gets really loud when he's mad

Cares a lot about what you think of him and tries his best as a dad; will say that he doesn't care tho

6/10 dad for trying; really bad at consulting and showing empathy tho

Hashirama

Watches whatsapp videos on high volume at all times

Tries to be funny but isn't

Forgets to pick you up from school or leaves at the time he was supposed to be there to pick you up

Tries to consult you and tries to show compassion in the cringiest way possible

Very embarassing dad

Does his best tho

Likes being a dad and buys dad t-shirts and aprons

8.5/10 dad even tho he is a handful but he's very happy to be your dad

[joealwyndaily]

Joe Alwyn: The "Last" Interview

The last film that made you cry: Nomadland, saw Nomadland a few times and there are a few moments in that, that maybe got me a little bit. I love that film a lot

The last letter received: Sadly, probably from the tax man which isn't very romantic but got to be done at some point

The last letter you wrote: I think I wrote a few letters in lockdown, I was away the first part of lockdown and I wrote some letters. I wrote a postcard, 'cause I was abroad, to my Granny letting her know what I was up to and kinda checking in with her

The last song you listened to: I honestly don't know what the song was, I was listening to some of the new J. Cole album earlier which is called The Off-Season. Does that count? It's not really a song, but an album, but that's what I was listening to earlier

The last book you read: A book by a really brilliant Irish author called Eimear McBride, a book called The Lesser Bohemians

The last series you watched: Well I've got a long way to go but I'm currently watching the US Office which I'd never seen before

The last emoji you used: A laughing face emoji

The last present you gave: I bought a jacket for a friend of mine, which was the same jacket as a jacket I have which he really liked so I bought one for him

The last food you ate: About an hour and a half ago, and it was fish and chips and it was great

The last sport you played: I played Callum [Turner] in tennis a few times recently

The last app you opened: Whatsapp

The last person you texted: My dad, checking in with him 'cause I haven't seen him for a bit

The last time you danced: Probably was a few weeks ago, there was a birthday party here for someone filming and yeah, might have had a little dance then

[coochiequeens]

Ladies in Idaho and Wyoming reblog to help the family of Irene Gakwa

CNN)Irene Gakwa's last WhatsApp video call with her parents was filled with gentle ribbing. But beneath the banter were hints that something was off. 

When her face appeared on the phone screen, her dad teased her that she looked hungry and tired. Her smile was more subdued, he noted. Her short hair, usually braided, was rumpled. 

"Make sure you drink hot milk and relax," her dad said from his living room in the Kenyan capital of Nairobi. 

That was February 24, the last time anyone in her family saw her. 

A month later -- less than three years after Gakwa left Kenya for the United States -- her family reported her missing. At the time of the February video call, Gakwa's parents were not aware she was living in Gillette, Wyoming, with a man she'd met on a Craigslist forum.

They also had no way of knowing that police would later accuse the man of removing money from her checking account, maxing out her credit card and deleting her email account. And they never imagined that six months would go by without a word from her.

"She's always been a daddy's girl," said her father, Francis Kambo, in a recent phone interview from Nairobi. He took a deep breath as he recalled that last video call with his only daughter and youngest of his three children. 

"She was supposed to come home for Christmas this year. I was going to buy that ticket myself for her to come if she couldn't afford it," he added, his voice shaking. 

"Now I don't know if I'll ever see her again." 

Her worried family members span two continents 

Gakwa's worried family spans two continents 9,000 miles apart. 

Her parents live in Nairobi while her two older brothers, Chris Munga and Kennedy Wainaina, live in the Idaho city of Meridian -- a Boise suburb.

Her father started worrying in late February when she did not respond to repeated video calls. This was unusual for the 32-year-old, who spoke to her parents about every other day.

And her written messages sounded odd, her family said. Instead of the mix of Swahili and Kenyan slang she uses, the messages were in stilted English -- like someone was using Google Translate to send them, said Wainaina, her oldest brother. 

"The texts would be out of place," her father said. 

In early March -- between the last video call and the day she was reported missing -- her parents received some short WhatsApp messages from her account. Some made excuses for why she wasn't doing video calls. 

"Dad, I dropped my phone in the water and now the microphone doesn't work,"one message said. 

Another said, "I just want you to know I love and miss you and mom." 

"We miss you ... we want to see you, not just chat on WhatsApp," her father responded. "We love you always. You will ... be my daughter forever." 

Her boyfriend told police she packed her bags and left 

The last WhatsApp message came on March 9, her father said. 

The three siblings share a cell phone family plan. After Gakwa's brothers could not reach her, they looked through her phone records and called a close friend she'd talked to numerous times. 

That's how they found out she had been living with her boyfriend, Nathan Hightman, 39, in a modest three-bedroom house in Gillette. The couple had dated since 2020, but had broken up several times, Wainaina said. Her brothers thought they'd parted ways and were not aware they'd rekindled their romance and moved in together.

Her brothers reported her missing to the Gillette Police Department on March 20, and an officer talked to Hightman the same day, according to an affidavit of probable cause in a related separate criminal case against her boyfriend. 

Hightman told the officer he last saw Gakwa in late February, when she came home one night, packed her clothing in two plastic bags and left in a dark-colored SUV, the affidavit said. He told police he hadn't heard from her since. He also said he withdrew money from her bank account so she would be forced to contact him if she needed money, the affidavit said. 

Hightman did not respond to the brothers' request to hand over her stuff in their home, Wainaina said. They implored him to give them her documents, including her Kenyan passport, but Hightman declined, Wainaina added. 

Hightman is considered a person of interest in her disappearance and has "not made himself available to detectives looking to resolve questions that exist in the investigation," Gillette police said in a statement. 

"We believe he has information pertaining to the disappearance of Irene, but he has elected not to provide that information to law enforcement at this time," Gillette police detective Dan Stroup told CNN. 

CNN has made repeated attempts to reach Hightman via phone, text and email, but he has not responded. CNN also left messages for his public defender, Dallas Lamb, but did not hear back. 

Hightman has not been charged in Gakwa's disappearance, but is a suspect in financial crimes against her after she went missing. Gillette police arrested him in May and charged him with two felony counts of theft, one felony count of unlawful use of a credit card, and two felony counts of crimes against intellectual property for allegedly changing her banking account password and deleting her email account after she vanished. 

Between February and March, Hightman transferred nearly $3,700 from Gakwa's bank account to his own and spent an additional $3,230 on her credit card, court documents allege. 

He also changed her banking passwords and deleted her Gmail account, court documents said. All the changes were made from an IP address associated with Hightman after the date he told police Gakwa had moved out, according to the probable cause affidavit. 

"This would indicate it was Nathan Hightman accessing Irene's account, removing money and changing the password to deny access to Irene," the affidavit said. "These transactions began on February 25, 2022, and continued through March 2022." 

Hightman has pleaded not guilty to all charges and was released on a $10,000 bond. His pretrial conference is scheduled for November.

Her adopted community is pushing for answers 

Meanwhile, Gakwa's two brothers and her sister-in-law have been commuting to Gillette from Meridian several weekends a month to organize search parties. Most days, they have no idea where to begin. 

They've visited morgues and hospitals. They've checked shelters for unhoused people. They've launched a website, whereisirene.com. They've asked local authorities to check whether she joined the US military -- an idea she briefly entertained. 

Some residents of Gillette, a city of 32,000 in northeastern Wyoming, have rallied to find her. Wearing T-shirts that read, "Where's Irene?" they've hosted weekend search parties and canvassed neighborhoods seeking permission to put up missing person signs. It's not unusual to see images of Gakwa posted in the neighborhood where she lived with her boyfriend. 

"No family should ever have to go to bed at night wondering where their loved one is," said Stacy Koester, who lives in Gillette and has been organizing searches with a group of local women since April.

They've mapped out areas to search and marked off where they've already looked so they don't go over the same place twice, Koester said. 

"We promised her father and her brothers that we will never stop searching until we bring her home or they have answers," she added. "That's our goal. We are their family here in Gillette." 

Koester and other neighbors also have gathered outside Hightman's home, holding signs and chanting, "Nate, where's Irene?" 

Sometimes, her father watches the demonstrations via video from Kenya. 

But with every passing day, hope fades a little. 

Her parents had mixed feelings about her move to the US

Born and raised in Kenya, Gakwa emigrated to the United States in May 2019, hoping to launch a career in health care. A petite woman, she stood just over 5 feet tall and weighed about 90 pounds. 

At first, her parents resisted their introverted daughter's plans to move to a faraway country. They worried about how she'd adjust -- she was so shy, she barely left her room in their suburban Nairobi home to go outside, her father said. 

"We sometimes had to remind her to get out of the house and get some sunlight," her father said. "But we decided since her brothers are there, why not?" 

Gakwa settled first in Idaho to be near her brothers, with dreams of attending nursing school and working in a hospital. She lived with the younger of her brothers, Chris Munga, and his wife, Gyoice Abatey, in Meridian. 

There, she developed a close bond with her sister-in-law. Both women took a girls' trip to Los Angeles in 2020, and in between shopping, eating out and visits to the beach, Gakwa confided to Abatey that she was dating Hightman. Gakwa spent a lot of time with him on the phone, Abatey said, but did not share many details about their relationship. 

Abatey described her sister-in-law as a sweet, fun-loving person who started her mornings with a cup of tea and enjoyed cooking, shopping and watching Nigerian movies.

"She's such a free spirit, so caring, goofy, she just goes with the flow," Abatey said. 

Gakwa and Hightman eventually moved in together in Meridian, and she started nursing school at College of Western Idaho. In the summer of 2021, they relocated to Gillette, where she transferred to Gillette Community College. 

At times, her father would ask Gakwa if she wanted to return to Kenya. 

"She'd tell me, 'Dad, I'm good. I have my own life now,'" Kambo said. 

In the months before she vanished, Gakwa returned to Meridian several times to visit her family. 

Last Thanksgiving, they gathered at the house of Munga, her brother. There, she and her siblings made their favorite African delicacies, including goat barbecue, jollof rice and ugali, a form of corn meal popular in Kenya. 

Gakwa cooked a side of cabbage with lots of tomatoes -- just like their mother used to make while they were growing up. She taught Abatey how to make it for her brother. 

They ate and talked late into the night. 

That was the last time her siblings saw her in person. 

Her boyfriend allegedly bought boots and a shovel using her bank card 

The Gillette Police Department said it has executed approximately 24 search warrants in the case, including at Hightman's home and at several banks to track activity on Gakwa's accounts. 

During one of the searches, investigators recovered a shovel and boots Hightman bought at a Walmart in late February using Gakwa's Visa card, according to court documents. 

In April, Gillette police issued a statement naming Hightman "a person of interest" in the case and saying, "he has not made himself available to detectives looking to resolve questions that exist in the investigation." 

The police added, "Irene went missing under suspicious circumstances. ... digital evidence, including location data, is also being analyzed and has provided positive leads." 

Stroup, the detective, said the investigation is ongoing. 

"In the event probable cause is established, appropriate action will be taken," he said. 

Her family is struggling between hope and grief 

Gakwa's family is still holding out hope that somehow she'll contact them or come back home. The alternative is too hard to bear. 

Abatey wishes she'd held Gakwa a little tighter the last time they hugged. Her children ask over and over where their aunt is. 

Gakwa's 33rd birthday was in July, and her nephews thought if they threw a party, maybe she'd show up. Instead, they held a Zoom vigil. Her friends and family shed tears and shared memories and photos of her, struggling between using past or present tense. 

"Whether we meet in this life or the next, know that you're absolutely loved," one friend said. At the end, they played a video of a beaming Gakwa dancing and singing along to "Drogba (Joanna)," a song by UK artist Afro B.

"My children don't understand why auntie is not calling them, how she just disappeared," Abatey said. "Sometimes I just imagine her walking through the door, and saying, 'Why are you looking for a grown woman like me?' As the days go by and nothing happens, we don't know what to do." 

Thousands of miles away, Gakwa's parents pray for her every night. Her mother is too distraught to talk to reporters, but Kambo, her father, said sharing memories of his daughter helps him cope. 

He chuckles when he remembers their close relationship. 

"She was my only daughter. I spoiled her and she took advantage of that," he said. "She had not introduced Nathan to me -- that's what kills me." 

Some days, he's optimistic she'll make it home for Christmas. But most days, not so much.

"I just want to know the truth. I'm still hopeful, but my hope is dwindling. She knows my number," he added. 

"The fact that she has not called ..." 

His voice trailed off.