#the way aziraphale very almost changed his mind

[asgardian--angels]

ok third time through good omens s2 and those last 15 minutes really do keep hitting hard huh

[ineffable-suffering]

The meaning of "I forgive you"

Alright, hello again, I involuntarily dipped for a bit because real life outside of this lovely Tumblr Good Omens bubble got a little bit stressful, but! I'm back for a quick little post to say that I'm currently reading the script book for Season 1 and seeing this line again, spelled out on paper, just shone some more light on the whole „I forgive you“-scene of Season 2 for me again.

Because really, this first time Az says it to Crowley in front of the bookshop tells us exactly what the second time during the Final Fifteen means.

Aziraphale is not forgiving Crowley for kissing him. Or for using this moment to confess and make things explicit between them.

No, Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for not trusting and believing (in) him.

Let's shove the Final Fifteen to the side for a second and look at this scene from Season 1 under the cut.

The situation at hand: The World is ending, with utmost certainty. In addition, Crowley is absolutely f*cked and Hell is out to get him. He tries to apologise for their Bandstand fallout and explain the other two things to Az (poorly, but he tries). Because to Crowley, Armageddon is a done deal already. Wherever the actual Antichrist is, he's gonna come into his power and the World will be wiped out for Heaven and Hell to wage their war on. Also, Hastur is coming to kick his demon ass. Time to dip!

And yet, Aziraphale doesn't want to come with him. He is adamant that he will be able to reach the Almighty, talk to Her and turn this around. Because if Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, thinks there's even the slightest, tiniest morsel of a chance that he can turn things around the right way, he will do it. Even if it sounds ridiculous. Even if it's a lost cause to everyone else. Even if all the other angels gang up on him and (literally) beat him up.

Even if Crowley calls him stupid.

Aziraphale decides not to be offended by this.

Because this is what he does. This is what a Guardian does. He stays and protects to ward off the intrusion, until the very last second.

Now listen, I'm the last person to blame Crowley for intrinsically wanting to choose Flight over Fight in this very situation, because Lord knows (literally) what happened to him back when he chose Fight and lost.

But at the same time we have to keep in mind that despite his last name, Aziraphale never Fell. He never made the horrible experience of being chucked away by the one who made you to love Her because you chose to question her ways. And yes, in so many ways this choice of his, to still believe that he can change something by questioning and suggesting (both here and in S2), is utterly maddening and hurtful to Crowley. Because it's a mirror of what Crowley himself did and a reminder of just how big the price he had to pay was. Aziraphale seemingly not realizing or understanding this stings. It does.

And yet.

Yet Aziraphale's choice to not take no for an answer, to not let a punch to the gut derail him from his plan, to not let even the most definitive thing such as Armageddon keep him from fighting back, is the one thing that ends up saving the World.

Because even when it all seems impossible and completely hopeless and bloody Satan himself is erupting from the pits of Hell, ...

... Aziraphale picks up his sword and fights back.

And he wins.

Not without help, of course. But might I remind you of what got Crowley to cooperate and not simply surrender like he'd almost done that second?

You might not see it at first, but tucked in between all the posh hedonism, hidden away underneath that tightly buttoned waistcoat of his, Aziraphale is a fighter. And a good one at that. I mean, for Someone's sake, he got discorporated, beamed himself down back to Earth, found Crowley somehow, possessed a psychic prostitute (love you, Madame Tracy), rode a scooter all the way to Taddfield and fought off Lucifer with sheer willpower (and a bit of emotional coercion).

Aziraphale can fight. Smart and hard. And not only that: He can win, too. And he knows it. Because he believes, truly, firmly and wholly, that he can make things right. It's the only thing he will settle for. This, ladies and gents, this is how he ends up saving the World, together with Crowley, Adam and the rest.

Because he didn't accept no as an answer. He didn't look at the impossible and accept it as such. Even when Crowley thought him to be an idiot for trying and even after his initial attempt at talking to God had failed, Aziraphale still found a way to stop The Big Bad Thing from happening.

Which is exactly what his plan is when he ends up being forced to come back to Heaven by the Metatron. (If you still believe this was a voluntary choice, read here). And which is exactly why he is so hurt and still ends up forgiving Crowley for the fact that Crowley doesn't end up coming with him. Doesn't end up understanding, trusting and believing (in) him, just like all the way back at the end of the World in Season 1.

Aziraphale decides not to be offended by this.

[gotholdladywithadhd]

Unpopular opinion, probably.

So I've read many metas, and thought a lot about it and have come to my own personal conclusion about the final 15.

I'm taking it at face value.

Because it was the most human Crowley and Aziraphale have probably ever been and I think that is at least part of the point. Love makes people stupid and they are navigating a very human thing in very unhuman circumstances, and it's hard enough to do as a human in human circumstances!

I think Aziraphale believed the Metatron about Crowley bc he was expecting the worst when TM mentioned Crowley but instead got the one thing he wanted most (him and Crowley together and safe, not Crowley being an angel. ) Crowley was absolutely the carrot here. (and no I do not think Crowley would have been safe or happy, but that's besides the point.) I can't tell you how many times I've believed patently ridiculous things because I wanted to believe them so badly even though if I was looking at the same situation objectively from an outside POV I would see how ridiculous it was, so I totally get it. This isn't to say I think Azi had a real choice to go to Heaven or not and I think he did understand that as well, but I get the temptation the Metatron threw out to him, I really do.

As for Aziraphale literally saying all the wrong things to try and get Crowley to come with him? Um yeah been there done that too, the nerves take over, the brain shuts off, the mouth goes into autopilot pulling stuff out its ass, and "WITAF did I just say?" happens.

Crowley not taking any of it well and only hearing what he expected to hear (I'm not good enough for you bc I'm a demon and you only really want me if I can be an angel) *and* also being more able to see through heavens bullshit bc he has lived it, and can see it from the outside, *and* all whilst being the most honest and vulnerable he has ever been with Aziraphale in 6,000 plus years (or in fact possibly to anyone, ever. the closest before this admitting he was lonely to Azi during the Job minisode,) *then* hearing what he took to be the same Heaven will save us line from Azi was enough to trigger a massive bout of RSD and a broken heart. Everything was supposed to "vavoom and sorted! " and instead the stupid awning broke and everything went wrong. I think I've said it before that at this point Crowley can't hear anything over the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

That's a whole lot to pack into the brief moments before Azi has to leave with the Metatron (who let's be honest was rushing him before he could change his mind) esp when neither of them are used to discussing their relationship openly. They didn't have time to think, to ask questions, to share information, (like hey guess what really happened to Gabriel?) Crowley tried to communicate as much as he could about his feelings with the kiss but Azi didn't have the time to properly process all that and said the wrong thing again and Crowley was rejected (he thought) again and it all just went so very wrong. You can't fix a 6,000 year relationship in 15 minutes, you just can't no matter what the story books say.

It's about two people wanting the same thing but not being able to get it (yet) because of circumstances and personalities. All of S2 was about them seeming to be closer than ever (and in many ways they were) but really they were opposed at almost every turn. (in RL not the minisodes, those actually showed them working together and coming out okay mostly, if you don't count wee Morag or Crowley getting dragged to hell) The way they both handled the Gabriel situation, how they both worked to solve the mystery, even how they tried to make Nina and Maggie fall in love were all either done alone, or in opposite ways. I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it was pointed out right in ep1, their exactlies aren't the same and until they are, they aren't going to be able to be together. The one time they did work together in the season, they produced a 25 lazuri miracle. That is the point of the final 15, and the whole season 2 in my opinion.

They'll get there in the end though!

[nohaijiachi]

I got randomly recommended this video by YT and wrote a ginormous comment in response because I have no self control, apparently, so I thought I might as well also share my thoughts here in regard to whatever is going with THIS FUCKING SMILE

(under a cut to not clog y'alls dashboards)

(the first part of the comment here is a direct response to some of the ideas put forth in the video, it is very short so give it a quick watch for more context if you want)

Imo it's not necessary to look into overcomplicated theories that rely too much on off screen shenanigans to explain the smile, for how amusing the idea of them having swapped during the kiss is (like, the kind of stuff I won't want to be actually canon, but I'll be very happy to see explored in fan fics lol)

I think to fully explain that smile we have to take in consideration multiple factors:

This show is very purposeful in what it does and doesn't, well... show. That last shot is very long and I think the fact that Aziraphale's and Crowley's expressions in the aftermath of their disastrous break up is shown in such a manner tells us a LOT about the state of mind they might be at the start of S3, and the obstacles they'll have to face. Aziraphale doesn't immediately smile, rather he seems to look almost shell-shocked for most of the shot; it's clear (to me at least lol) that the quiet ride up the elevator is finally giving him some desperately needed time to fully digest everything that happened, because too much has happened in an extremely short amount of time, and we all know Aziraphale doesn't do well with speed lol.

But, for how much he can sometimes be a complete moron, he is smart, and all he needs are just those seconds of quiet to properly ponder on everything, on the choices made and the ramifications of said choices, and that's how we get to smile-- I'll delve into what I think Aziraphale is going through in his mind in more details later, because I also think it's necessary to focus a bit on Crowley's own expression, since the both of them are so intrinsically linked that the narrative cannot make sense without taking the both of them into account.

Crowley's expression is much more static and doesn't change the way Aziraphale's does; he looks profoundly tired in ways we've never seen him before. I don't think he's giving up on Aziraphale, and I fully believe the fact that he stood there and waited for Aziraphale to disappear in the elevator, the both of them sharing that last look, was a quiet message: He'll never give up on Aziraphale, he'll be there, waiting. But wait is all he can do for Aziraphale, now, because he can't follow where Aziraphale is going.

For how messy and full of heightened emotions the confession + kiss are, I think actually denying Aziraphale's request was a HUGE step forward for Crowley's character. He's never been able to deny Aziraphale, he always went back to him after every fight, and we all know how stupidly whipped for Aziraphale he is and how he'd empty the ocean with a spoon if Aziraphale asked him nicely-- But to actually put his foot down and say "no, I cannot do this for you" when asked to all but renounce the person he is now? Especially with how Aziraphale is all but begging him openly? That's a huge step, and something I think Crowley desperately needs to mature as a person (or, well, person-shaped being). We all love how Aziraphale has him wrapped around his little finger I'm sure, but we also all know that if they truly want to build a strong, healthy relationship they also both need to be able to keep their individuality and to put forth adequate boundaries about what they are willing to do for each other within reason.

Asking Crowley to come back to being an angel when he's made blatantly clear for six thousand bloody years how much he despises Heaven is not a 'within reason' request, innit?

So, yeah, for how heartbreaking the break-up was, in a sense Crowley needs it. They both do. They both need time apart to figure their own shit out, dismantle all those unhealthy habits they had to adopt in order to be with one another as safely as they possibly could while still 'employed', and then come back together with a clearer mind and a whole deal stronger than before, both as individuals and as a couple.

And I think how tired and downtrodden Crowley looks in that last shot is a precursor to this process, just as much as Aziraphale's smile is... So, let me get back to our favorite angel and what I personally think is going on with him.

I think to properly contextualize that smile we need to look at not just the happening of those infamous last fifteen minutes, but of S2 as a whole, and what Aziraphale does in it.

So, what is Aziraphale doing during S2?

At the start he seems to be more or less comfortably settled in his current life; he's as happy as ever doing what he's always done, enjoying humanity's creativity with his books and his music and his food and drinks, seemingly content to be puttering about in his bookshop (which is a stark contrast with Crowley's homelessness and his kinda adrift and depressed attitude). Of course then Jim!Gabriel throws a wrench right into that, but imo I think there was a lot more going on behind the facade of Aziraphale's well ingrained habits.

Sure, he still has all of his familiar comforts and his routine, but from the moment we see him interact with Crowley I saw a deep restlessness emerge in him: The panicked look he launches Crowley when Nina asks him about his 'naked man friend', the way he speaks with Crowley with all those 'our' he uses, the blatant way he keeps reaching over and touching Crowley-- To me that suggests that Aziraphale is clearly not as happy as he seems to be on a superficial glance. He clearly wants more with Crowley, wants to bring their relationship to the next step, but because the both of them are so deeply entrenched in their unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits and their inability to openly communicate it doesn't even occur to Aziraphale to just... You know. Take the first step, actually say something about it. So he just keeps throwing bait after bait in the water, hoping Crowley will bite and be the one taking the initiative as he's always done, finally allowing Aziraphale to accept said initiative, this time around.

Of course, we all see that Crowley doesn't take any first step, which is probably something deeply frustrating for Aziraphale at a subconscious level. That's how we get the ball; sure, on the face of it it was Aziraphale's way to make Nina and Maggie fall in love, but... Was it, really? Let's be real, for how entirely believable it is that Aziraphale makes up the lie about Nina and Maggie's love to cover for their miracle is, since we've seen him being anxious around other angels, I don't think for a second that had Aziraphale just stopped and spent three minutes thinking about it he wouldn't have found a way to convince Muriel that Nina and Maggie were, in fact, in love, especially with how 'green' Muriel is about humans.

I fully believe that Aziraphale is not properly thinking during S2, period. He's frustrated by his inability to bring his and Crowley's relationship to what he wants it to be, and that frustration and single-minded objective is utterly obfuscating his thought process. There are plenty of moments he seemed almost manic, imo, which I read as another sign about his 'impaired' (allow me the term) state of mind as of S2.

So, yes, the ball: On the face of it something to actually turn his lie to the Archangels into truth, but deeper down, perhaps almost unconsciously, I think Aziraphale sees the ball as a way to finally make him and Crowley happen. That fact that he's taking pointers about romance from human literature is blatant, and obviously he truly does believe the ball will be THE way to make love bloom.

If you stop and think about it, the ball scene is terrifying. These people are being manipulated to play the perfect background parts to make, what is in Aziraphale's mind, the height of romance atmosphere happen. The fact we get a juxtaposition with Nina's "what the F is going on, am I losing my mind???" rightful attitude underlines this. And I truly believe Aziraphale isn't exerting said manipulation with intent, but rather doing so subconsciously, because he's just so fixated on the idea of having finally the perfect set-up to have Crowley as he desires that he is influencing everything around him. After all, we all know they both have the tendency of making things happen the way they want simply by thinking that's how things are supposed to happen.

And again, he's so manic and giddy when he asks Crowley to dance, his ass is not LISTENING. He literally needed a brick thrown through a window to snap out of it.

So, in the present we have an Aziraphale who , in his own way, is trying to take the initiative, come out with plans. There is a moment that I think might have slipped under the radar of a lot of people but that's frightfully important about who Aziraphale is at this point in the story, and who he will need to become: "I have a plan," Aziraphale said to Crowley during the stare down with the demons outside of the bookshop after the ruined ball; Crowley didn't even seem to have registered that sentence at all, because his mind is already projected forward and going a mile a minute about what to do to keep both the humans and Aziraphale safe in this situation.

Crowley, who loves to swoop in and save Aziraphale, doing what he's always done to keep his angel safe, even to the detriment of their relationship with one another... And Aziraphale, who adores playing the part of the damsel in distress in turn, is actually telling Crowley that *he has a plan*.

That's not something to take lightly, methinks. That's very much just another sign that Aziraphale's individuality is struggling, trying to emerge through Aziraphale's anxiety and doubts and fears and deeply ingrained habits. Aziraphale's cognitive dissonance in regards to heaven, and his shaken faith in God are huge motivators of his actions, and in the grand scheme of things the scant few years he had away from under the oppressive thumb of heaven is nothing. It was barely any time at all in the face of the eternity of an immortal life spent under that oppression, and yet we are already seeing little glimpses of Aziraphale's rebellious side struggling to get fully free.

I think these little glimpses inform us at great lengths about the evolution Aziraphale's character will go through in S3, and greatly explains that strange smile right at the end; in my opinion that smile isn't the smile of someone who's trying to convince himself that he's ok, or realizing that Crowley loves him (he knew already, they both knew and have known for a long time, their inability to properly express those feelings was their downfall, but I don't think either of them has doubted even for a second when it comes to how much they love one another). In my opinion that smile is the smile of someone who is steeling himself for what he envisions in his future; equal parts old-sedated anxiety and yet determination to actually enact plans he's surely concocting in his brilliant little mind. That's the smile of someone who has just realized that not only they can, but that they need to do something, and you can damn well be sure they won't be sitting and twiddling their thumbs waiting to be saved, but they'll be the one saving themselves and everybody else along with 'em, this time.

Just as Crowley needs to actually spend some time define himself as himself, and not just in relation to Aziraphale, Aziraphale needs to spend some time shedding all those fears and doubts that are weighing him down, and emerge the other side someone much more self-assured and ready to do what he thinks is right without all the hesitations that have indirectly been strengthened by Crowley; in a way, by allowing Aziraphale an out with his 'temptations', Crowley had been feeding into those hesitations, and had been holding Aziraphale back from fully maturing, even if not done on purpose, obviously. Imo is very important for Aziraphale's character that he comes to realize that he doesn't need those excuses Crowley gifted him to keep doing what he thinks is right, that he actualizes his own morality properly, and enacts on it.

I don't have the faintest clue about what is going to happen in S3, but I do fully believe the above paragraph is what Aziraphale and Crowley's respective character arcs will focus on. And once they'll come back together they'll be the most power couple that has ever power coupl-ed, and the Metatron will have no clue about what is about to hit him >:)

[hikarry]

Aziraphale and Crowley plan a vacation free of miracles, just for the heck of it. Just to do it the way humans do. Maybe it's fun! Maybe they will have a grand old time! Who knows?

It all starts with packing.

Aziraphale is the very first to regret this idea as soon as he opens his bag on top of the bed, ready to pack. They can only take so many bags because they are going on the Bentley, and no miracles means no calling books through space with a single snap of his fingers. So...one bag is not enough, surely.

"Oh, but it is, angel. Max one bag for clothes and one bag for books, nothing more."

"But Crowley, that's absurd! We'll be in Scotland for 2 weeks! Am I supposed to take, what? 5 books? And how am I supposed to choose?"

"This 'no miracles' trip was your idea. Now deal with it."

Aziraphale deals with it, but not without a lot of complaining and making a list of pros and cons of taking every single one of his favorite books. He ends up with a bag full of them and a couple more in the clothes bag.

This is to say that Crowley doesn't have an easier time. No miracles means no miracling his own clothes, so he's got to actually pack something. And he likes most of his clothes. And you never know what type of events will be around. A restaurant? A play? He needs outfits. Good outfits. And a toothbrush. And shampoo and conditioner, cause he refuses to use the ones from the hotel. And hair gel! Cause no miracles also means no miracling his hair into being in shape...doing his hair every morning will be an absolute pain in the arse, but he can endure it. Yet, when he goes to close his bag...it's too full. Taking two bags of clothes would be ridiculous, so he lays his hand on the bag and pushes down, trying to run the zipper. Nothing happens. He sighs and sits on the bag, pulling the zipper once again, and it runs for a couple of millimeters.

"Angel, give me a hand, will you?"

"With what, dear?"

"I'll sit on the bag and also push it down with my hands and you will try to close the zipper." He opens his legs so Aziraphale can access the bag's zipper and he jumps once on his bag, pushing down with his hands.

Aziraphale almost breaks the bloody zipper, but it does indeed close.

With the bags in the Bentley and both seated on their usual positions, Crowley lays his hands on the steering wheel, but doesnt start the car just yet, instead looking ahead.

"Everything alright?"

"...does 'no miracles' mean I can't keep the tank of the Bentley full?"

"I suppose."

"Aziraphale, I haven't gone to a gas station since I got the bloody James Bond stickers!"

"And when was that?"

"Many, many decades ago."

"Oh well, I'm sure getting fuel in a car isn't that difficult. It mustn't have changed since back then."

"Are you sure we can't make an exception?"

"Quite."

"...is this because of the books?"

"Mmh."

Crowley groans and goes to start the car, but he stops short of the ignition.

"Are you...keeping the Bentley whole with miracles? Is that the new problem, my dear?"

"No." He looks up at the angel. "I have to buy a phone charger."

"Whatever for?"

"Because I keep my phone charged with miracles, angel! And I have absolutely zero idea where the original charger is! I never used it! With a bit of luck its still somewhere in Mayfair."

"Oh well, we will stop at a phone shop then. Easy fix."

The demon takes a deep breath, and off they go, on their road trip to Scotland at very not legal speeds - not for lack of complaining on the angel's side, mind you.

When they get to Edinburgh, they quickly find their hotel and go up to their room. Both take showers and, hell, it's still mid afternoon, so they go for a stroll around.

At about dinner time, Crowley quickly googles restaurants nearby and finds one named "Angels with Bagpipes". As soon as he sees it, he stops scrolling. It's somewhat modern and certainly different from the Ritz, but, Satan, look at that name! They just couldn't not go.

"You're joking, certainly." Aziraphale looks over his shoulder. "Look at that other one! Rhubarb. It looks so much more-"

"Posh?"

The angel eyes him side ways.

"I was going to say classy. Romantic."

Crowley snorts.

"Oh this is a romantic vacation, is it?"

"No!" He slaps his arm. "I mean-! Yes! Just-" He runs a hand down his face while Crowley keeps laughing. "Oh, hush. I'm just saying that one looks way more up our alley. That one is too modern."

"I'm down with modern. Big fan of modern, me."

"Oh, believe me, my dear, I'm extremely aware, but-"

"And! For a restaurant as posh as that I bet we need reservations. And you know what we don't have?" Crowley wiggles his fingers. "Reservations. Or miracles to get said reservations."

Aziraphale rolls his eyes, trying to suppress an exasperated sigh. Crowley was ridiculous. How in all the heavens did he put up with him through all these years will forever be a mystery.

"Alright. Let's go to the other one."

Crowley smiles, victorious, and offers him his arm, which Aziraphale promptly takes.

"An angel and a demon walk into a restaurant named 'Angels with Bagpipes'-"

"Crowley!"

And off they go, down the streets of Edinburgh. They have dinner and Aziraphale only complains until the food is served. Afterwards he appears quite content to stuff his face with appetizers and whatnot all while under the watchful eye of Crowley that keeps sipping his wine silently, one elbow on the table, while under said table his leg pushes against Aziraphale's.

"Do behave yourself, will you?"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean, angel." He uses his foot to slightly slide up Aziraphale's leg.

"We are in public."

"Your point?"

Aziraphale closes his legs, trapping Crowley's foot in between them.

"That's my point."

Crowley pouts, pulling his leg away.

"Boring, you are."

The meal proceeds with little to no incidents. Just the usual: Aziraphale utterly enjoying his food and Crowley watching him as he is enraptured by the flavors and its, honest to Satan, impossible to look away. Not to mention the satisfied wiggles. And the moans. It can pass 6000 more years, but Crowley will never ever get used to those.

"Angel."

"Yes, my dear?"

"Do you have money?" Aziraphale suddenly drops his fork and looks up at Crowley, mouth hanging open. "Thought so."

"Heavens, what are we going to do? We can surely miracle it, right? This is an emergency."

"Nop. You didn't let me miracle the fuel so no miracling the money either."

"You paid for the fuel."

"My last pounds, yes."

The angel's eyes widen quite comically.

"You must be joking."

"No. No joke. Last bills in my wallet." He sloshes the wine inside his glass, leaning closer towards Aziraphale. "And I bet this is all quite the price too. What do we do, Aziraphale? Leave by the back like criminals?"

"There's no back and we are not criminals! We need to miracle the money!"

"That's against the rules." He points at the angel, raising an eyebrow over his sunglasses. "Your rules, might I add."

"No-! Crowley!" He also leans closer to the demon and whispers. "We need to do it. We are not criminals."

"I'm a demon. I guess I can be considered a criminal at some extent."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm playing by the rules."

"You're insufferable."

"And yet you still love me."

Aziraphale sighs and closes his eyes, trying to think about a solution, when he hears footsteps approaching.

"Have you finished your dessert, sirs?" The waiter asks, stopping right in front of the table.

"We have." Crowley is quick to answer, and Aziraphale kicks him under the table. He was not done yet, and he needed more time to think about a solution!

"Are you ready to pay?"

Crowley looks at Aziraphale, very serious, and Aziraphale can feel the sweat accumulating on his hands. Oh lord, they had no money. And they just ate a 3 course meal. I mean, Aziraphale ate. Crowley mostly dabbled on the soup and spent the rest of the meal drinking. Drinking quite old and expensive red wine, at that.

Aziraphale looks at Crowley, then at the waiter - who is smiling very politely at them - and then back at the demon. Crowley raises his eyebrow again while Aziraphale starts to shake. He was about to pop when Crowley snorts and reaches for his wallet, pulling a black card and handing it to the waiter, who accepts it and walks away. Aziraphale gasps.

"You had money!"

"Technically no. I had a card."

"A card with money!"

"I never said I didn't have a card. I said I didn't have bills. Physical money. I did use my last bills at the station."

Aziraphale kicks him under the table again, and Crowley can't hold it anymore and starts laughing as controlled as he can.

"Oh, I hate you, you fiend!"

"You've been telling yourself that for 6000 years and you're yet to believe it." The waiter returns with the card and leaves just as fast. "Shall we go back?"

"Yes. But I won't forgive you for this."

"Ah, yes. You. The one that throws 'I forgive yous' through the wind."

"Crowley!"

"Joking. I'm joking." He gets up and Aziraphale follows him. When they get through the door, Crowley offers him his arm once again and leans in closer. A whisper just Aziraphale could hear. "I have my methods to make you forgive me. Just let us get to the hotel, angel."

Alas, the day was not ready to give them a break. On their way to the hotel, it suddenly started raining heavily, soaking both of them to the bone.

"I don't believe this!"

"A little miracle would come in handy right about now, eh?" Aziraphale sighs and snaps his fingers, summoning a tartan umbrella to his hand, which he promptly opens, covering both of them. "Angel!"

"Hush. We can start over tomorrow. Now, let's go." He grabs Crowley by the arm and starts pulling him.

"What's the rush? It's not like we can get sick."

"Someone promised me something when we got to our hotel room." The angel looks over his shoulder to the demon for a second, still walking up the street.

Crowley smiles.

"And you just have to run to find out whatever it is."

"Color me curious."

They did get to the hotel quite fast, and the first thing they did was peel away from their drenched clothes and jump in the shower. Whatever happened in there is between the angel, the demon, and the white tiles on the wall.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

okay let's get them hard truths out in the open following episode 6, bearing in mind that i am in the UK and am therefore chronically sleep-deprived, and have watched the Feral Domestic™ maybe only like oh 7 times:

crowley is as much at fault as aziraphale. they are both as bad as each other. their own individual idiosyncrasies are literally the other's emotional downfall and if im honest im not entirely sure there's any way they can adequately move past it.

waxed on and on and on about it, but aziraphale's issue is not that he has any allegiance to heaven. he doesn't at all, and that is obvious in his initial reaction to the metatron, in that he essentially says that he knows his place and it is not Up Above. it is right there in the bookshop, and with crowley (even if he didn't consciously think it that explicitly at the time). he doesn't want any part of the heaven that it currently is, he has had enough and is tired of trying to be the angel that hides who he is and what he wants from his existence. that much is very much clear.

but the mantra throughout most of life is to be the change you want to see in the world. look at the major societal issues that are happening in the world today; people are rising up and fighting for what is right, and what they believe in, and wanting to make changes. now look at this opportunity that aziraphale has been given. regardless of the questionable motive of the metatron offering it to him; if you were in his position, could you say you'd find it easy to refuse that?

the issue here with aziraphale is that he (again, ill harp on about it until the cows come home) thinks that crowley - this demon that isn't a good demon because he is good and kind and gentle - would want to have his place in making that change happen; be by aziraphale's side whilst they create the world and heaven that is different from the largely shit one they've always known, hated, and feared. this is where the Pedestal comes in; like i said before, aziraphale has now been confronted with the fact that this demon, his best friend and love of his life, is acting in the way he's always acted but that aziraphale refuses to acknowledge... because to acknowledge crowley's shortcomings (which ill discuss in a sec) would be to question aziraphale's faith in him, and mean falling from the pedestal that has been aziraphale's status quo for the last few thousand years at minimum.

edit: this also needed adding because it touches on aziraphale's tendency to hold himself superior to crowley, which he also does in the Domestic scene.

crowley's issue is twofold. one, he cannot move on from the fall. second, that he is sometimes a manipulative and childish shit. the first is obvious, and his recent experiences with heaven have only compounded this (ie his conversation with gabriel/goob, where he lays into him about gabriel's part in the cruelty shown towards aziraphale to the point he almost makes goob kill/injure himself). crowley can also however be incredibly cruel borne out of his own pain. there were major hints in s2 that not only did crowley fall (no matter what the metatron says, im still not convinced he fell for only asking questions) but he fell from a great sodding height that in his mind should have made him untouchable. my thoughts on morality in heaven have already been discussed, but that must have had a huge impact on crowley; it is no wonder that it's a sore point and he feels bitter, resentful, and angry.

in the above context, id want nothing to do with heaven either. but crowley doesn't communicate and im guessing that his feelings about the fall are a No Go area in terms of what he's shared with aziraphale... so for crowley to assume that aziraphale turned down the metatron is grossly unfair - how was aziraphale necessarily meant to know how deep his trauma (if we're applying human mental health constructs) runs? he isn't to know that at all - so it does track that aziraphale would think that crowley would want to help him make a difference so they don't have to keep getting involved in the toxicity that is the heaven/hell politico-moral dichotomy.

what also upset me about the Domestic was the kiss. i loved it for what it was in isolation and it was a long time coming, and a huge movement in the dance they constantly have with each other, but it was in essence manipulative. i realise crowley was on his last emotional straw and yes, perhaps the love and devotion got too much for him to contain... but he literally just stood there and heard aziraphale tell him that he wanted crowley and he wanted them to be together. there were no qualms at all that aziraphale loves him as much as he loves aziraphale. so, what was the kiss meant to prove?

to my mind, it was manipulation; specific, a temptation. whilst very romantic and 'sweep him off his feet with the violins playing', it was also non-consensual and unwarranted on crowley's part - to the point of being derogatory and redundant (lets be clear: not a criticism on Neil for adding the kiss, im purely talking about crowley as a character and his Choices here). there was nothing to prove, nothing that that kiss could have possibly convinced aziraphale to do. so the only thing that leaves, imo, is that it was a temptation. crowley does not typically use temptation in this way, or at least that's the impression ive had throughout s1 and s2, so he chooses now is the time? to tempt aziraphale into staying with him? of course he does!

he's desperate, but also childish and immature and completely ignorant of what aziraphale is actually saying to him. aziraphale never denied him; aziraphale wanted him in this opportunity exactly by his side as he always has been. but that didn't fit with what crowley wanted, so he tried to make aziraphale bend to his will. aziraphale says the fatal words "i forgive you", but if he has (as i suspect he has) realised that crowley was trying to manipulate him... well, id probably say something as damning to crowley as 'i forgive you' too.

when aziraphale said 'nothing last forever', i realise crowley took that to mean him and the life that they built together, but it obviously wasn't that at all. aziraphale is saying that they have eternity ahead of them, that he wants to spend it with crowley, whatever has to end around them (ahem the world? apocalypse from s1, anyone?). aziraphale demonstrated consistently throughout s2 that he is trying to give crowley his own agency where heaven/hell are concerned (paraphrased but: "I want you to help me but if you don't want to, you are free to leave"). crowley however seemed that he was constantly one foot out the door in case things got Too Much (which, you know - valid) but aziraphale really did his best to make crowley not only not feel suffocated but also that crowley was wanted. and for anyone that is a tough balancing act.

the two of them have had 6000+ years of Not Really Communicating. this is the detritus that remains when they don't, and it was absolutely needed in this season. for them to break apart and break in and of themselves. s3 needs to be where they learn more about themselves than each other, and stop believing that the other is infallible, because such thinking - worship, blind faith - only ends badly.

[somebebop]

Drinks offered, accepted and turned down

The Metatron’s coffee (oat milk latte with unknown amount of almond syrup), as well as the whole business about it, is symbolic, I think most fans have agreed on that. It seems to me not only the drink itself is important, but the ceremony of offering and accepting/turning down a drink means a lot as well. When I think of it something archaic comes to mind: accepting a drink creates a connection and builds trust between people, and such exchanges have been symbolic in many cultures for thousands of years.

I’m not very good at drawing conclusions, but I would like to sum up all the cases when drinks are offered in season 2. So that someone more analytical than myself might have clever ideas. And I love making lists, they give an illusion of some control over this complicated narrative.

Aziraphale offers Jim some gross matter hot chocolate. Everyone remembers similar moments in  s1, right? Only this time Gabriel/Jim accepts, and it changes him, becomes an important element of his new personality.

Nina offers Maggie some wine and she turns it down in the weirdest way possible. ‘No judgement’ is already a judgement!

In the Job minisode Crowley offers Aziraphale wine and he turns it down. 

Aziraphale offers Muriel a ‘cuppertea’, and they do the most remarkable thing: they neither accept, not turn it down. They find a third way to go about it, and I absolutely love it. This is yet another small detail about Muriel which makes them so special and sets them apart from everyone - humans, angels, demons.

The barman in the Resurrectionist asks what Aziraphale will be drinking, and he doesn’t order anything. Baffles me every time, it's so not in his character and completely illogical in this situation. Everything is wrong and upside down in this episode. 

I mean, even Gabriel had enough wits to BUY drinks in the pub. Obviously later he tells Beelzebub  ‘You don’t actually have to consume it’, so it makes the drinks accepted but not taken - almost like Muriel's.

Crowley makes hot chocolate for Jim

The ’smitten’ conversation at Justine’s. Aziraphale turns Crowley’s wine down, AGAIN

Metatron’s coffee

May have missed something, but even like this it seems a lot. 

Not sure about the scene with Crowley and laudanum, it it definitely meaningful, but there was no offer. Another special case is Jim making his own hot chocolate. Precious 15 seconds of screen time are wasted devoted to an extremely informative scene where Jim makes the drink, drinks it and says ‘Ah!’. Whatever for?

More questions than answers as usual.

[crowleyholmes]

Guys help I think Crowley is possessing me I am very suddenly overcome by such a WAVE of love for Aziraphale????

I mean I've always loved him but Jesus Christ it just got turned up to 100 suddenly I mean he's just so GOOD isn't he???!!!

He's so kind and he's so nice and he's so PRETTY I mean have you seen him in his little outfit with the comfortable-old-couch waistcoat he refuses to ever take off and the silly little bowtie he thinks is so stylish and you know it actually KIND OF IS but ONLY on him??!?! and that beige coat that suits him so well and he just looks so well put together and also so soft and cozy at the same time like HAVE YOU SEEN HIM???

And he's so gentle and he's so full of love for everyone and everything and he always tries So Hard to do the right thing... and he's so ready to change his mind about what The Right Thing is when he is presented with new information like that is such a rare trait!

And he's so FUN, you know all his weird little hobbies I mean who collects old prophecy books and misprinted bibles ONLY this weirdo!! And he's so obsessed with silly little magic tricks that aren't even magic at all when he could very easily do real magic instead but noooo, making people think you're doing real magic when your Not Actually doing real magic is so much more fun apparently idk??? And he collects licenses (shooting guns, driving cars, literally who knows what else, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if my guy knew how to scuba dive and fly a plane), and he learned French the hard way just because?? He likes learning I guess?? And he's so bad at it, it's so silly it's Infuriating but it's also so endearing he's taking such JOY in it!!

And maybe you'd THINK that's all he is, sweet little goofball, but no!!!! Beneath all that soft exterior, this very intentionally soft and fun and kind exterior that he's carefully cultivated for millennia, he's also so incredibly brave. I think about how he was ready to face the thing he feared the most, to save three innocent kids. He was so ready to give up everything he had, fall from grace and spend eternity in hell, just so these kids could live. Just so that family would be spared the grief. Just so they could have a few more short years of human happiness. He lied to his boss for justice and he lied to GOD for justice and he somehow got away with it who does that??? AZIRAPHALE IS WHO. And he Never backs down did you see him pick up his little sword at almost-Armageddon when Lucifer himself rose from hell to end it all and my angel was ready to fight Satan Himself if he had to HELLO???

And then he blew up his halo and casually declared war on hell to save two humans and his former boss and his bookshop what a fucking badass!!?!?

And have I mentioned how pretty he is yes I have but it's worth mentioning again because have you seen his eyes?? Color of the fucking sky, they are, and his nose is so perfectly shaped and his stupid lips with his stupid cupid's bow, and his hair!! Is just so Damn soft it's and I just want to watch him be himself and do his thing but I also want to HOLD him and protect him and keep him safe from everything because if anything ever happened to him I-... UGH.

I don't KNOW.

I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

[badaziraphaletakes]

Aziraphale is NOT "stubborn" about "getting over it". He voluntarily rebelled against heaven as far back as in Eden, then again in Uz and in 2019.

Also, who says he's never asked Crowley about his experiences? Maybe he did and Crowley told him. Or maybe Crowley told him never to ask. Or maybe he has the sense that Crowley doesn't *want* him to ask, and is being considerate. Or maybe he fears it would be dangerous for Crowley if hell overheard his answer. We just don't know.

And who says he wasn't learning the gavotte and doing deep thinking during that period of time? You can do both. Leaping to the conclusion that he spent all of the late 1800s doing nothing but prancing around the room is absolutely nasty. I guarantee he spent a good chunk of that time being devastated for Crowley and what he was suffering. (Learning to dance was almost certainly to take his mind off that.)

Don't come after my Autistic-coded angel's special interests - I will smite you with a flaming sword. Our boy is allowed to have some fun. His existence sucks to an unimaginable degree. He needs a diversion every once in a while. If doing a silly little dance gets him through, then let him have his blessed gavotte, for the love of Frances McDormand!

"Might have come to some conclusions that would have changed things" - the wording of this is incredibly vague, which isn't surprising, because if you were any more specific, this argument would fall apart. Because what could he change? Nothing. People love to talk about how Aziraphale should supposedly think different things, but are conspicuously silent on how, exactly, him having different beliefs would lead to an improvement in his or Crowley's circumstances. (Not to mention we don't *know* what Aziraphale actually believes about a lot of things because he isn't free to talk about it.)

THE PROBLEM IS NOT HIS BELIEFS - IT'S THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES.

(Side note: PLEASE stop with the "Aziraphale is really smart in *some ways*, but in other ways he's an idiot" takes. It's giving autiphobia and I really don't like it.)

"Can't see the forest for the trees" - what, precisely, can he not see? He is very much aware of the terrifying, violent angels ready to smite him if he puts one toe out of line and the terrifying, violent demons ready to torture Crowley or possibly just wipe him out of existence if Aziraphale takes any risks. He knows his situation sucks.

"Stuck in his identity" - the problem, again, is not Aziraphale's identity/angelhood or what he believes about it.

"Hit him over the head with one of his books" - why TF are people so bent on violence to Aziraphale? It's beginning to feel genuinely disturbing.

Also this is irrelevant, but I literally have no idea what the word "syllogism" is supposed to mean in that second sentence. It makes no sense there lol.

[theonevoice]

Rumination n. 5 - What if Aziraphale can make a difference? On choosing each other, for real

There is a scene in s2 that I keep thinking about, and I don't see it discussed almost at all: it's the first conversation between Michael and Uriel after Gabriel's disappearance.

This is a power struggle. Very human, not celestial at all, fight for power. It's not even hidden or coded.

Now - and this could just be my brain getting smooth over this show that is devouring my soul - the more I think about this moment, the more I am convinced that this very human moment (and its various subsequent reprises) is signaling us that Heaven has, so to speak, "margin for improvement." And probably so does Hell.

I feel that we have been oversimplifying Heaven and Hell because they "look" simple and monolytical, especially when compared to the nuanced worldview that Aziraphale and Crowley developed over their 6000 years of experience on Earth. But there are some heavy "shades of grey" in Heaven. They are ruthless, for a start (see the Fall and, well, most of what happens in the Bible). They are proud and arrogant (see how they behave with Aziraphale and "37th order scrivener, but, you know, noone" Muriel). They are power-angry (which, in the context of an existence that doesn't need money or power, its just a symptom of vanity, in my opinion). They have far more human-like qualities than they should, we just don't give much attention to them because our focus is squarely on their stiff adherence to the "Heavenly code" and their role as antagonists/enemies of the protagonists.

Same goes for Hell, with opposite sign: Hastur was shocked by the destruction of Ligur, Shax and Furfur appear to have some form of camaraderie or loyalty towards each other, the demon Josh notices that Beelzebub is acting weird and asks them if they're feeling alright, and Beelzebub, well, is a Grand Duke of Hell capable of falling in love.

So, what if, given this margin, Aziraphale can make a difference?

Until now, if I am not mistaken, the most common take on what expects Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel is "he's going to realize that Heaven cannot be fixed and he will have to finally drop his idealized delusion and fight his way back to Crowley." Which I personally love as a scenario (but, to be honest, I am loving almost any GO scenario that floats in my direction: the creativity of this fandom is unbelievable and so respectful of the characters that every speculation feels like it could be Neil Gaiman's work), but it could undermine the weight of his choice.

Because choice is a theme in this show: not choice as in "choosing sides," but choice as in "making up one's mind and taking a serious, conscious, thought-through decision." And if Heaven is just a lost cause, unable to change and irredimable, then it's not much of a choice for Aziraphale to go back to Crowley. But if Heaven does react to change, if the human-like qualities that other archangels have displayed become a bridge, and Aziraphale, with his warmth and kindness and softness, actually manages to bring Michael and Uriel and others on more reasonable positions - then his choice becomes a real choice that he has to make.

Not the "easy" choice between reality and delusion but a hard choice between Crowley and the real opportunity to be the one who makes a difference.

(I am still slightly infatuated with the possibility that, just before the Fall, it was an already damned Crowley who asked him to "be a good angel" and "make a difference" because he could see how genuinely good Aziraphale was, compared to the "institutional goodness" of the others, but I have already blabbered about this in another rumination)

Also, I read a brilliant post a couple of weeks back (I will edit as soon as I find it again) about how, despite their appearance and demeanour, Crowley is basically an engineer, "armed" with a tool for creating cosmic machinery and putting it in motion, while Aziraphale is a fighter, armed with an actual sword. And this got me thinking again: in Christian iconography, Michael is the belligerant archangel, the one who is recognizable by his sword. Now, Neil Gaiman does not let pre-existing traditions dictate what he writes, obviously. But still, we could witness an unforseen connection between Aziraphale and, against all odds, the other sword-wielding entity, Michael: and it could led to some unexpected coalition, possibly even against the Metatron and the plans regarding the Second Coming.

After all, in a way, Michael has already displayed many human and very shades-of-gray traits: let's not forget that, already in s1, it was Michael the one communicating on the "grapevine that obviously doesn't exist" with Hell (I believe behind Gabriel's back: the more I rewatch it, the more I think that he honestly didn't know about it) and still is in s2. It was Michael the one bringing Holy Water downstairs. It is Michael the one that has first-hand experience of what it means to "collaborate with the enemy" in order to get things done.

I don't know how likely this is but it seems to me that it would be interesting if Aziraphale, instead of just leaving Heaven in disgust after some failed attempt at "fixing it," will have to make the hard choice between a Heaven that was starting, for real, to show signs of improvement and his old life on Earth with Crowley.

And something similar could happen on the other side, should Crowley go back to Hell (either out of rage and desperation or because something comes up that forces him to do so). Maybe he could find for the first time ever a sense of "demonic brotherhood" with his "colleagues" (maybe Shax and Furfur themselves). Something that he had never imagined during the six millennia he has spent believing to be alone in the universe if not for Aziraphale.

Maybe their reunion will be about having an alternative to their life together and choosing it anyway. If you think about it, one thing that they never had to do was deciding to be together instead of being somewhere else, doing something else, with somebody else. Being the two of them has always been their only reality - dangerous and hidden, of course, but undisputed, in a way: together since the early days in the Garden, noone else around to compete with that, no other supernatural person-shaped entity to serve as a potential alternative. Their respective head offices are two opposite voids, two negative spaces that have literally nothing that could attract them. Of course, they are in love with each other and they would probably be in love with each other in any possible alternative universe, but it's not like they have chosen to be with each other, they were just the only two person-shaped entities around, pulled together by the gravity of their respective loneliness and fears, doubts and little joys.

But if in s3 we see them acquire "alternatives", something else of value that exists outside their group of the two of them, then they will have to choose their life together for real, this time.

[ineffable-suffering]

Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles

This has been living in my silly head rent free for so long, I finally decided to slap it on here in hopes of thinking about it a little less (than three times a day. It's been years. I need to get over it.)

Also, I'm absolutely certain I'm not even remotely the first person to realize or post about this, since it's not the hardest of parallels to figure out. Alas, I still shall, because out of mind, out of sight and all that. So:

Let's talk about how Crowley is using his houseplants to work through his own Trauma of the Fall. Or, well, maybe not work through it per se, but more so roleplay it to give it somewhat of an an outlet because he never got over it. Lol.

It's not rocket science to figure it out and God Herself actually gives us a pretty spot-on explanation of it in her own narration.

Crowley's plants are perfect. They're, as God Herself tells us, the most luxurious and beautiful in all of London. He takes great care of them, waters them, mists them. Does any and everything to give them the perfect conditions so they won't have a worry in the world.

And yet, we're immediately shown that despite the seemingly perfect conditions they're living in, Crowley's plants still get *gasps quietly* spots. And we all know how Crowley feels about that:

It seems like such an unnecessary tiny thing to get upset about, right? Like, plants get spots all the time. They're not perfect, they're part of nature and nothing is ever perfect in nature. Crowley would know that by now. Imperfection is the whole point of nature. If everything had stayed exactly the way it always was, nothing would have ever changed or evolved.

Besides, Crowley is a demon. If it were merely about aesthetics to him, he could easily miracle away any spot with a blink of his serpent eyes. But he gets so angry about it, it's almost comical. At first we think it's just to show us, the audience, that, in contrast to Aziraphale, who cares very dearly and lovingly for his books, Crowley is a mean, mean demon who, instead of being outwardly nice to the things he loves (like Aziraphale does), yells at his plants because he's a mean meanie.

But! If you look at the whole scene and what God says, it's pretty obvious what he's actually doing is something else entirely: "What Crowley does is he puts the fear of God in them. Or, the fear of Crowley. The plants are the most luxurious and beautiful in London. Also the most scared."

Folks, this man dude serpent is literally roleplaying the concept of God/Heaven threatening angels with their Fall in order to keep them obedient ... with his houseplants.

Have I mentioned yet that I am absolutely obsessed with him and also desperately wanna get him a therapy voucher?

Because what does he do once he sees a plant disobeying his rules of perfection and acting out? The same thing God did to her questioning, equally disobedient angels (including Crowley): Parade it in front of the very scared rest, making an example of it ...

... only to then, well ...

... quite literally chuck it out.

To anyone else, this seems like a completely ridiculous thing to do over a tiny, minuscule spot. There would have been a bunch of other ways to go about fixing that spot.

Figuring out what it was the plant needed that might not have been given to it yet.

Taking care of it in a different, individual way so it would have been able to thrive again.

Listening to the plant and letting it tell you why its spot appeared in the first place.

Telling the plant, that loves and relies on you entirely, you love it too, despite it not being without fault, despite of it not fully living up to your unreachable standards of perfection.

Caring for the plant not because you want it to be perfect, but because you're okay with it being imperfect.

(We're no longer talking about plants here, as you are probably aware.)

Alas, this isn't what Crowley does. Because it wasn't what God did, either. We still know very little about Crowley's actual Fall and the Fall of Lucifer and the rest. But we do know that Crowley was never like or even with them.

All he did was ask some questions. A tiny spot. A seemingly insignificant blemish in the luxurious, beautiful flora of Heaven.

And yet, before he knew it, he did a "million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulfur". Cast out, chucked away, just like his little spotty plant. And for what? Well ...

... to keep the others angels plants check, for the rest of time.

***

(Addendum from the comments: If we go by what the book tells us, Crowley doesn’t actually end up violently throwing out the ‚bad‘ plants. He just finds a different place for them and makes sure they‘re looked after. So much to him being a big, bad, meanie-mean demon.)

[actual-changeling]

(im slow what was the intentionally cruel part.?)

I will gladly elaborate!

This turned into a bit of a long answer, so welcome to an unplanned episode of Alex's (today hinged) meta corner!

While he was being unintentionally cruel several times throughout their argument, the only time he actively chose to say the most hurtful thing was right at the end:

I forgive you.

To them, that phrase has an uncomfortable history, especially for Crowley, and out of all the responses Aziraphale could have given him, he chose this one. Every other time he has used this, is was never about 'forgiveness' as such—it is Aziraphale trying to recreate the dynamic he has with heaven with Crowley.

It's Aziraphale looking at Crowley and telling him that the way he is is wrong, that he needs heaven's forgiveness, that he needs to change. All of that was made all the more clear by Aziraphale literally asking him to go back to heaven.

Crowley responds with distress to any of his 'forgiveness' phrases, which should technically be enough to make Aziraphale stop saying it, because who likes to intentionally distress someone you care about?

Aziraphale, apparently, but that's a topic for another time.

Now, I have combed through the final fifteen so many times I can probably recognize most of the frames and their time stamp with one look, and Aziraphale has two responses to the kiss:

His initial reaction, the one that is true to his emotions, is the aborted sentence. I interpret what he was going to say as "I love you" simply because the sounds and mouth shapes match very well (I have also written a whole meta post about that at some point).

Then he changes his mind though, and you can see that shift on his face, the angry slant of his mouth.

This is said out of anger, it is spoken with the intention to hurt Crowley by saying it—and he does. Not only did Crowley see it coming, it was also the last nail in the coffin of their relationship.

Enough is enough.

To be thorough (because I do enjoy being thorough), here are some closeups of the progression he goes to. First the gif, which is slowed down for convenience like the one above, and Michael Sheen really is a master of micro-expressions, every single moved muscle has an intention behind it.

At first, he is genuinely upset & sad, but then his expression settles and changes into something angry and almost cold. He knows exactly

a) what he is going to say

b) what the words mean in the context of their relationship and

c) that Crowley will be upset.

For some reason, he did not expect Crowley to leave; I think his intention was to make Crowley angry, to rile him up again.

Why?

Because Aziraphale does not like it when Crowley refuses to do exactly what he wants, and anger means you are still in a conversation, you're still emotionally attached—and emotions can be manipulated.

In reality, Crowley is already past his breaking point. He reached that the second Aziraphale responded to "tell me you said no" with "If I'm in charge".

Everything that comes after is heartbroken desperation and that stupid little voice telling him to keep trying because you rather leave knowing that you tried everything instead of forever wondering if saying or doing x might have changed something.

As always, feel free to ask any questions that might pop up!

[theravenmuse]

Tagged by @kotias

How many works do you have in AO3? 55! A few of which are art or meta, but the majority are fics.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 329,403 words.

What fandoms do you write for? Almost exclusively Good Omens.

Top five fics by Kudos:

1. I Could Be Yours (E) - 614 Kudos

The version of Good Omens where Aziraphale and Crowley are a pair of horny immortals who enjoy engaging in very long, very elaborate, VERY INTENSE role plays.

This fic is currently part of a hostage situation and will not be updated unless/until that is resolved. I do have a handful of chapters written and ready to go though.

2. I’ll Cum Quietly (E) - 613 Kudos (for a one chapter fic? We were all a little horny after that ending, I suppose. 😆)

Aziraphale has a REACTION to Crowley saying that line. Spoiler alert: Crowley does not come quietly. XD

3. The Nightingales Were Just Sleeping In (T) - 518 Kudos

The one where Crowley falls to the bookshop floor, a sobbing mess, and these two idiots finally figure out they’re just on opposite sides of the same page.

4. Oh, Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone (M/E I keep changing my mind) - 490 Kudos

Let’s make it worse! And then eventually fix it, I promise.

Immediately post season 2, we’re going to find out just how sinister the Metatron’s plan is.

Still a WIP. I’m coming back to this one as soon as I catch up on my event things.

5. Show Me You Love Me? (E) - 406 Kudos

After dealing with a few unruly demons, Aziraphale has been crowned the local demon expert. This mostly means informing the local priests that they have in fact trapped yet another normal human and setting the poor fellows loose. That is until today.

Alternatively: Crowley gets caught by some enthusiastic humans and was likely well on his way to discorporation before Aziraphale steps in. Aziraphale tenderly cares for Crowley, and then there are love confessions, and then Aziraphale takes care of Crowley in a different way.

Do you respond to comments? When I have the spoons I respond to every comment, even the basic “I loved this” ones. But spoons have been in short supply lately so I’ve only been responding to comments that I have meaningful responses to.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh my. Isn’t that a question. And surprisingly, it does have a definitive answer. This was only the fifth fic I ever published. It’s the first dark fic I ever wrote. It altered the way I think about using horror elements in storytelling. It has very few hits and kudos. It remains to this day one of my favourite works, despite the fact that I’ve grown so much in my prose and story structuring since then.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (E) Mind the tags. I did not do in depth CWs the way I do them now. All of the warnings are in the tags only.

A Christmas horror story in which Crowley accidentally releases the demon of Yule, Krampus. Intense horror elements throughout, especially at the end. There is no bright side at the end of this. There is no safety. There is no peace.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? This one is actually harder. I know I’m more known for dark fic, but I’ve written more than one piece where they’re just completely happy at the end. Nothing could be better. Because of that, I’m going to go with the one with the happy ending that means the most to me. That would be this one:

There were Angels Dining at the Ritz (G)

Seasons 1, 2, and 3 (I hope) from the perspective of a waitress at the Ritz.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really. I’ve gotten two hate comments over 30+ dark and/or intense kink fics. One of those accounts is perma-banned, the other got off with a warning. Try it, I dare you.

Do you write smut? Yes indeed. The kinkier the better. You didn’t ask, but this is my favourite soft smut:

Just Another Day in the Rest of Their Lives (E)

It's a soft sort of spice, being woken by your lover's kisses in the cottage you share in the South Downs. How long can they linger here, letting eternity pass them by?

And this is my favourite kink:

Submission (E)

Crowley is in one of his "bratty bottom" moods and needs some help calming down.

And finally, my favourite dark smut fics:

Belle Mort (E) - lovingly nicknamed “Necro”

Heaven is on to the Arrangement. Fortunately, Aziraphale has a plan to throw them off the scent. Surely hereditary enemies couldn't be fraternizing if one of them discorporates the other? Crowley would never agree to such a plan, of course, but they can talk about it after.

No Escape For the Wicked (E) - lovingly nicknamed “eggs”

Crowley has been Lucifer's brood bitch from the dawn of the Earth, a duty he can't escape after his treachery. When he is forced to return to the depths of Hell for his task following his betrayal, he finds a vengefully jealous master.

Craziest Crossover? I don’t know about craziest, but this Good Omens X The Sandman is quite a bit of kinky fun.

Desire (E)

Crowley has spent the last several thousand years keeping Desire at bay. He's had to. But after a certain night in 1941, when Crowley's defenses are shot and Desire comes in the shape of his angel, the demon at last gives in to a temptation of his own making.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I’m aware of. I do occasionally scour for stolen works through general Google search, but that isn’t a guarantee.

Have you ever had a fic translated? The first chapter of I Could Be Yours has a Russian translation. I’m unsure if the translator intends to do more. The lovely @nosferatini has also made a podfic of Platypi and Other Insignificant Topics of Discussion.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not that has been published yet. I have written fics based on other works and have had a few write fics based on mine. There’s a lovely comic up on Gleafer’s Patreon based on one of my own Patreon Exclusive fics. The Great Flood (available now to free and paid members on my Patreon).

All time favourite ship? Aziraphale/Crowley. Honorable mention to the crack ship I’ll go down with: The Bookshop/The Bentley.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Still unnamed. Serial art thief Anthony Crowley/FBI agent Ezra Fell. Slow burn. And I mean slooooow burn. Currently sitting at 150k words. It will be well over 400k when completed, I think.

What are your writing strengths? Intense emotion. Intense psychological elements. Putting just the right amount of feeling into a whump fic that the pain hits that much harder.

What are your writing weaknesses? I’m still a fairly young writer. I’ve only been publishing fic for four years. I’ve only really been writing for about fifteen. Because of that, I’m still evolving very rapidly. I see it the most in my prose. I’m still learning how grammar works among other things.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? It’s fine. It can help with the story immersion. I don’t speak any other language well enough to use more than the occasional short phrase. I do have an upcoming Rennaisance Era Pirate/Witch Crowley who says quite a few Irish Gaelic expletives.

First fandom you wrote in? Warrior cats. Never published but I do still have it somewhere around here. Written in pencil so it’s fading fast. 😆

Favourite fic you’ve ever written? YOU WOULD HAVE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN MY CHILDREN?!

Okay, I really did try. I scrolled through several times but I can’t choose. So instead, have the crack fic that I nearly got a heart attack over when someone sent an ask about it to Neil Gaiman’s inbox. 😳

Hey Sexy, Wanna Oil My Exhaust Pipe? (E)

The Bentley doesn't appreciate being left out in the cold while her demon gets it on with his angel. Fortunately, the bookshop is all too willing to engage in some fun times of their own.

Tagging: @nosferatini @theonewiththeshippinggoogles @naromoreau @startledplatypus @depressedpenguin2

[mimisempai]

Your wings are precious to me

Summary

After caring for Crowley's wings and witnessing the way he delighted in them, Aziraphale can't help but feel a certain longing.

But will he dare open up to the demon?

Notes

This time it's the demon's turn to look after his angel's wings...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1684 words

"I've just never felt so cared for. It's a little overwhelming."

Aziraphale didn't know why he was thinking back to what Crowley had said to him after he had groomed the demon's wings. 

He had really enjoyed taking care of Crowley in that way, and had been as surprised as the demon at how well he had said he felt. It had been an incredible moment for both of them, and the angel often thought back on it, a little unsettled by the longing it stirred in him.

Did it mean he wanted Crowley to care for his wings in the same way?

Just the thought of Crowley's hands on his wings filled him with a kind of dizziness.

But he preferred to bury it deep inside himself, because he would never dare ask the demon to do that for him.

Or at least he tried to bury it.

The problem was, the more he tried to forget, the more he thought about it. 

He was leaning against the headboard, reading as Crowley lay with his head on his thigh.

"Angel? What is on your mind?"

Aziraphale lowered his head to the demon and replied, "Nothing's on my mind, I'm reading."

Crowley chuckled softly and replied, "Except it's been five minutes since you turned a page."

Aziraphale didn't answer and blushed slightly.

The demon straightened up and sat beside him, saying, "I know you, you probably have something on your mind, but you're afraid to tell me about it for whatever reason. So if it's something I can help you with, tell me."

Crowley simply took his hand and waited in silence until Aziraphale felt ready to speak.

After several minutes of hesitation, the angel spoke up, "Crowley, you know, the other night when you let me take care of your wings, you seemed to really enjoy it, can you... can you tell me more?"

Crowley, still holding the angel's hand in his, replied softly, "You know, our wings are just a part of us, like an arm or a leg, so when I run my finger down my arm now, it doesn't really give me any special sensation, but when you do, it changes everything. It's nice to be touched gently by the person you love. Well, for the wings it was the same, but more intense. Do you understand?"

Aziraphale nodded and Crowley watched him for a moment before asking, "Have you never tended to your wings before?"

Aziraphale shook his head, "Not really, nothing more than that. It's not something they teach you in heaven or even encourage you to do."

The demon chuckled and said in a slightly bitter tone, "Of course, Heaven would not encourage anything that might bring pleasure or comfort," then he turned his full attention to the angel and asked gently, "And is this something you would like to do or for...  me to do for you?"

The angel started to shake his head, but Crowley stopped him and said, "Angel...what do you really want?"

Aziraphale lowered his head, not daring to meet his gaze, and said in a very low voice, "I wish you would do it.

Crowley leaned forward, kissed his temple, and said softly, "You've done well."

Aziraphale lifted his head and said almost shyly, "Could we do it here?"

Crowley looked around and replied, "If you agree that we magically expand the area of the room for a time, then yes."

Aziraphale nodded again, still avoiding the demon's gaze.

The demon saw his embarrassment and said gently, "Hey, Angel, it's okay. You trust me, right?"

Aziraphale turned his head sharply toward him and replied directly, "Of course!"

Crowley smiled at his reaction and said, "Good, now let me make some room."

The demon moved his hand slightly and the walls of the room moved aside, as did the furniture, leaving enough space around the bed.

Then he asked, showing the angel's pajama top, "Do you want to keep this? Since we're indoors, we have more comfort, so you can either stay dressed like this or take some or all of it off if you wish."

Aziraphale began to unbutton the top of his pajama and took it off.

He asked, "Like this, is that okay?" 

He was wearing an undershirt and flannel pajama pants.

Crowley replied, "Whatever makes you comfortable. Your call."

Aziraphale nodded and replied a little more firmly, "So that's it."

"Now, Angel, one more thing, what position? Sitting or lying down?"

Aziraphale took a few seconds to think before deciding.

He said quietly, "Lying." Then, without waiting for Crowley's reaction, he lay flat on his stomach with his head resting on his crossed arms.

Crowley leaned over and kissed his cheek before saying softly, "You can spread your wings now."

Aziraphale unfolded his wings and spread them.

Crowley gasped and said, "They're so beautiful, Angel..." then added, "But..."

"But what?" asked Aziraphale, worried.

Crowley ran a finger over one of the feathers without touching it and replied, "How neglected they are, Angel."

The angel said sheepishly, "Sorry."

He felt Crowley's hand ruffle his hair as he replied, "Don't be. I'm here now and I'll take care of it."

Aziraphale said contritely, "Sorry to make you work."

Crowley chuckled lightly, "It is no chore, quite the contrary. In fact, I'm honored that you allow me to do it, even better that it's something you want." 

Then he leaned over and said softly, "Don't be startled, I'm going to straddle you, okay?"

Aziraphale just nodded, feeling Crowley's body weight on him until he was astride his lower back.

Crowley said quietly, "I'll start. You're the one in control of Angel, so if you feel uncomfortable at any point, say stop and I'll stop, okay?"

Aziraphale nodded.

"No, Angel, you have to say the words."

Aziraphale laughed slightly at the demon repeating his own words and replied, "I got it."

"Okay, let's go."

From the moment he felt Crowley's fingers on the feathers of his wings, he understood what the demon had told him about the feeling of intense well-being.

Because intense it was.

And despite what Crowley had told him, he hadn't expected such intensity. It was overwhelming.

He felt Crowley untying a knot of tangled feathers in the center of his left wing, and when he'd finished, he smoothed out one of the feathers. The sensation was so strong that Aziraphale couldn't hold back a small whimper. In response, Crowley immediately withdrew his hands, but Aziraphale whimpered again at the loss of contact and said shyly, "Continue, please."

Crowley hummed and Aziraphale again felt his fingers delicately touch his feathers. Then he continued, picking up every speck of dust, every misplaced feather, commenting from time to time on the deplorable state of certain feathers, always attentive to the angel's reaction.

Eventually he reached the base of the wings, a place that Aziraphale recalled had been very sensitive to Crowley.

And yet, he hadn't expected the shock he would receive the moment the demon buried his fingers in the fluffy feathers there.

The emotion was such that he suddenly felt the tears well up and flow, and he couldn't hold them back.

It didn't take Crowley long to notice and he leaned towards the Angel, a little panicked, "Angel, it was too much, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't see..."

But Aziraphale shook his head and interrupted him, "No, no, yes, it was too much, but in a good way. I mean, it's so good that it makes me cry, if that makes sense. You can go on. In fact, you must continue. Please."

Crowley sighed in relief and moved his hands, continuing his gentle treatments for a few more minutes.

When he was finished, he murmured softly, "I'm done, Angel," and moved away from the angel to sit beside him.

Aziraphale slowly retracted his wings and turned around. Once seated against the headboard, he murmured, "Thank you, my dear." 

Crowley leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to his lips before wiping away the last of the angel's tears with his thumbs.

Aziraphale opened his arms and Crowley snuggled in immediately.

The angel, his voice a little hoarse with emotion, said, "You were right, this is incredibly intense. In a good way, of course."

Crowley hummed, then said gently, "Angel, take better care of your wings, please. You know, they're precious."

"I know, I..."

"No, I mean they're precious to me."

Crowley lifted his head and added, "It was one of those wings that sheltered me from the rain."

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?"

Crawley turned to the angel and continued, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

He chuckled, and at first the angel joined in, before denying, "No. It wouldn't be funny at all."

Crawley shrugged, "Well..."

The clouds gathered above them and suddenly a few drops began to fall, but Crawley felt nothing because the angel beside him sheltered him with his wing.

Despite their differences, he hadn't hesitated for a second.

Crawley moved a little closer and couldn't help but smile.

"In that moment, Angel, I felt protected in a way I haven't felt since... well, as long as I can remember. That's why these wings are so precious to me."

He buried his face in the angel's neck, and the angel wrapped his arms around him, pressing him against his chest.

After a few moments, Crowley felt a slight movement and heard the sound of wings fluttering.

He opened his eyes and turned his head. He couldn't stop himself from gasping as he was surrounded by white feathers that formed a protective cocoon around him.

The angel had spread his wings and then folded them over their entwined bodies.

Aziraphale whispered into his hair, "I promise I'll take good care of them. Because I want my wings to be your safe place forever."

Crowley snuggled a little closer to the angel, feeling as safe as he ever had.

Safe under his angel's wings.

And then he realized that was what they were to each other.

A safe place.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[im-abanana]

Good omens 2 SPOILERS BELOW!

Let's start off by saying that I never, EVER expected that we would get canon Ineffable Bureaucracy, but here we are, and I'm so happy about it. 🥹

Most importantly, I'd never expected Gabriel and Beelzebub to be a mirror of Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship.

In season 1, Gabriel was the absolute fucking worst.

Self-centered, lacking emphaty, superb, following Heaven's rules to the letter, without a single question, and putting his job as an Archangel (or well, the Supreme Archangel, as we've learned this season) above all else, not really thinking much about Earth, humanity or the opposition's point of view/emotions.

Not only that, but he stubbornly refused to enjoy the life Earth- or anything/anyplace else but Heaven, really- could offer him, in the material (food, music, material objects, ecc...) and emotional sense of the term too, depriving himself of real friendship and love.

Then, he meets Beelzebub in the pub and, for the first time, he feels understood. After 6000 years of bearing the sense of loneliness authority and responsibility imply, and being stuck in his own, bigoted head, he finally finds someone who gets him.

On the other hand, Aziraphale has always been a... peculiar angel, to say the least. He has learned to perfectly blend in with the humans, enjoy their creations and Earth's delicacies, such as food, good music, books, magic tricks, etc... not only that, he "associated" with Crowley, a demon/sworn enemy, since the very beginning!

In season 1, Aziraphale defied God's plan, prevented the Armageddon and disobeyed the Archangels' orders just to keep living on Earth and keep seeing Crowley. Albeit he refuses to acknowledge it, he is a rebel, way more than Gabriel's ever been in 6000 years.

And yet, which one of the two decided not to take Heaven's crap anymore?

Who said "You're casting me down to Hell? Fine, I accept my fate" peacefully, almost happily, knowing they'd finally be with their loved one?

Who ran off to Alpha Centauri?

Who gave up everything they've worked for, everything they've ever known, everything they've believed in?

Gabriel.

And Beelzebub, of course.

To say I did NOT see this coming at all is an understatement.

Gabriel, the one filled with so much prejudice, ignorance and selfishness- his royal smugness, Crowley's words- chose Beelzebub and their happiness over everything, over God, only truly knowing them for like... what, 4-5 years (which is the timeskip between season 1 and 2)?

Aziraphale, as heartwrenching as it was to see, chose Heaven over Crowley (FOR NOW). After a 6000 years-old friendship/relationship!

Perhaps, having been so "distant" from Heaven itself, Aziraphale still sees it as something that can be "fixed" if led by the right person/angel (while Gabriel, being so involved in Heaven's management for millennia, probably knows better in that regard, and basically said "fuck it"- I mean, we've seen Metatron and God's behaviour, eesh), plus he's plagued by the guilt and fear of being a bad angel, and risk to Fall.

I believe Aziraphale still sees being a demon as a bad thing, he has this internalized idea he has yet to let go of. And I hope season 3 (hopefully, we'll get it!) will cover that.

Long story short, I loved this season, and I loved how they incorporated Gabriel and Beelzebub in the story.

Some might say their romance was "too quick", and while I would've loved to see more flashbacks, I think it fits.

The Ineffable Husbands are a slow, slow slowburn, and Aziraphale truly needs a wake-up call, to see Heaven for what it truly is: toxic and rotten, as Crowley said.

On the other hand, I liked that Ineffable Bureaucracy happened so "fast"- it's a nice parallel. Gabriel and Beelzebub- people who could be so fierce, cold, nasty and closed-minded in the past- immediately saw the love they had for each other, accepted it and let it change them completely.

Let them both become so affectionate with each other, too. Like, "my sweet", "wherever Beelzebub is, is my Heaven", "where Gabriel is, is forever my Hell", "I was coming to you", "silly angel", are NOT something I thought I'd hear 'em say 😂

Nor I thought "Everyday" would be their song.

[edsearring]

just finished rewatching go2, and while of course there is a lot to be said for heavenly brainwashing and a general lack of proper communication, and while that is of course a huge part of it, i've barely seen anyone talking about just how little aziraphale actually wanted to go to heaven. almost all the way through the whole last bit.

when aziraphale is first approached by the metatron, he says that he's made his position perfectly clear. he knows where he stands, and so does everyone else. he stands with crowley, they're on their own side. but he decides to hear the metatron out, because what could he possibly say that would change his mind?

(i also think it's worth mentioning that the metatron opened with coffee. i don't personally believe in the coffee theory, but he may have started with that to show aziraphale that he's on 'his side.' he's not like the other angels, he's consumed things. he's gone against what angels expect.)

and at first, when the metatron gives his offer, aziraphale turns it down completely. he said it clearly, he doesn't want to go back to heaven. even as the metatron continues to detail all of these reasons why aziraphale should lead, aziraphale still looks pretty uncomfortable.

but the metatron can clearly see this isn't working, so he uses what he knows will always get aziraphale. crowley. he offers to restore him.

so aziraphale starts thinking. what if he accepts the offer? as so many other people have pointed out, there is no way aziraphale could have even come close to completely breaking out of the way he'd been taught to think for millions of years. so he thinks, well, heaven are the good ones. it would certainly be better if they were on the right side of things, wouldn't it? and crowley is a good person, he's seen it.

not to mention that crowley seemed so much happier when he was an angel. and to aziraphale, of course, it's because heaven are the good ones. crowley was so angry because he got lumped in with the bad ones. he just doesn't understand that maybe crowley was so angry because of the whole idea of a 'great plan', of the 'good ones' and 'bad ones' in the first place.

and finally, his decision was about safety. of course aziraphale wants to be with crowley. but they've been hiding from heaven and hell this whole time. if the metatron was being completely honest (which he obviously wasn't, that was a suspicious offer, but in aziraphale's situation he couldn't tell), they wouldn't have to hide, they could be together.

and so of course he rushes home to tell crowley, and of course crowley refuses, and has his big confession.

which, to be perfectly honest, i don't think was a horrible coincidence, or incredibly tragic timing. setting aside the fact that it just happened after the whole 'gabriel and beelzebub' incident, the metatron planned that.

he knew that crowley would refuse, because he never would accept an offer like that. and maybe he gathered that crowley would confess from the gabriel/beelzebub scene, maybe he overheard nina and maggie talking, it could have been anything.

the point is, it was the metatron's plan all along to have crowley refuse, confess, and storm out, leaving aziraphale heartbroken. that way he could come into the bookshop, hear it from aziraphale that crowley left.

because when crowley confessed, he did something that neither of them were used to. he said (at least a lot of) what he was actually feeling. and aziraphale has had millions of years of practice of denying exactly that, the instinct kicks in. he says "i forgive you". they both leave, heartbroken.

and at this point, when crowley is gone, and the metatron comes back in, what else is aziraphale going to do? he denies it. he does the very thing he refused in the first place, he goes to heaven, leaving everything behind, without crowley.

and only a few seconds afterwards, we can see that aziraphale regrets it. he starts trying to come up with excuses. he can't leave the bookshop—no, don't worry, muriel has that taken care of. do you need to take anything with you?—there isn't anything he can think of to get him out of this. he's run out of excuses.

and so it's too late. aziraphale is about to get into the elevator to heaven. but before he does that, he asks what the great plan that he'll be helping with is.

and the metatron says the second coming.

aziraphale knows he's been tricked, after this. if the second coming truly is the great plan, straight from the metatron, he can't 'fix heaven.' he can't improve anything if god's will is the second coming.

but what can he do? he gets in the elevator.

through the credits, we can see his shock, anger, and heartbreak so incredibly clearly. of course, until the smirk at the end.

that was the very moment when aziraphale made a plan to tear it all apart.