#the validation of 'vibes' as in 'idk i just have a gut feeling but i don't need to examine this at all' has i been a net negative for fandom

[isan0rt]

See, here's the thing that kills me about the popularity of the nonbinary Xion headcanon, is that Xion was not assigned male at birth before she transed her gender.

She was assigned agender at birth.

Xion is constantly getting misgendered throughout all of Days, and it visibly upsets her every time, but crucially she is not being misgendered by being called 'he'! She is being misgendered in a dysphoria-causing way by being referred to as not having any gender, let alone the gender she knows she has (which is girl). She has a full-blown crisis when she finds out she was not born a girl. The narrative also positions everyone who refers to her with non-gendered pronouns as doing active harm to her or as being villainous in that moment; Saix constantly calling her 'it,' DiZ scoffing at Namine using "she" to refer to Xion. The narrative is clear that what is upsetting and dysphoric to Xion is being referred to as having no binary gender, even moreso than being forced to become masculine, which only becomes an added layer of dysphoria at the very end of the game.

That being the case... WHAT is the deal with why it is so popular to misgender her in the exact same way? She's a girl. She transed her gender so hard she forced other people to literally see her as a girl even though her physical body was a doll's.

- Is it that this fandom doesn't think she 'passes' well enough, so she can't really be a girl like she says she is?

- Is it that this fandom thinks that even if she says she's a girl, her body doesn't have female sex characteristics so she can't really be a girl, she must be what her body dictates she is?

- Is it that she's not demure and soft like the other two girls with her face, so she can't really be a girl like them? That girls don't have open and assertive body language?

- is it that she was born from Sora, so she can't really be a girl because her origin was a boy and she must be somewhere in the middle?

- is it just an empathy gap, where people can't identify with a trans girl and need to make her less trans somehow? An inability to square the idea of choosing a binary gender on purpose? An inability to see why she would choose to be a girl specifically? Is it the thing where so many people in fandom right now can't get invested in characters unless they're "just like me frfr" and so she can't be a trans girl?

What is it?? Why is the ONE canon trans girl not allowed to be a trans girl? When there is an entire cast of characters to otherwise choose from whose narratives are not SPECIFICALLY ABOUT being trans and a girl? I simply do not get it.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[jiraisupportgroup]

hi!! is it so wrong to be a young jirai?

i feel so young in this community and idk what to do.. it feels like if people knew my true age theyd shame me or something. i respect the lifestyle and have felt the most comfort here than ever, but im so scared of people finding out my age and just blocking me

There isn’t anything particularly wrong with being young and in spaces like this - a lot of older people just don’t want to interact with minors for their own comfort (& vice versa). I can’t speak for everyone but there’s a lot of reasons for this. Especially in spaces based around mental health (and even more so with Jirai Kei being a space which isn’t inherently recovery based).

A lot of older landmines will talk about or RB things that are sexual in nature & it can feel kind of weird or gross when people who are much younger interact with posts about that stuff. Some people are also afraid because technically you can get in actual trouble if you’re posting nsfw content and knowing that minors follow you / will see it - although functionally there are hardly ever legal repercussions for this. It can still feel icky.

A lot of older landmines also just have trouble relating to younger landmines - our struggles might be similar but there can also be a lot of differences it really depends on the situation. Like a 20 year old and a 15 year old dealing with even the same issues can look extremely different, and sometimes we just can’t relate. Also the language that we use tends to be a bit different. I notice that it’s much more common for younger people to use more heavily romanticized language when talking about certain issues and a lot of older people can’t really relate because a lot of us are at a point where we’re just so defeated and sick of it. I don’t know how to explain this without giving examples but younger people make certain things look fun and new and exciting and like a thing to do while some of us older people have long past that phase and it’s just like a crushing reality for us at this point. It’s not fun anymore. And seeing people have fun with it can be upsetting for a number of reasons. That’s not specific to minors it’s just kind of a trend I’ve noticed. (I don’t know if I explained that well at all)

Another thing (and idk if this is just me) is that seeing teenagers talk about the same issues we have / had as a teenager is genuinely gut wrenching sometimes. It can be really hard to watch young people go down the same paths we went down and just wanting to scream at them to stop and turn back but knowing there is not a single thing we can do to help them - it can feel extremely disheartening sometimes. Especially on Tumblr bc a lot of us grew up on Tumblr and our illnesses were heavily influenced by the mental health spaces we were in on Tumblr & I mean for me at least I can confidently say that it had a negative impact on my mental health as a teenager and now being older it’s like aaaa fuck I don’t want the vents or things I post being shown to teenagers who could be negatively impacted by it just like I was at their age. Real Catcher in the Rye moment.

& some people just don’t really want to interact with minors. The differences between even 18 year olds and 15 year olds are pretty big. I mean I’m 24 and like I don’t really hang out in real life with people under 19 just kind of naturally - like not in “oh you’re only 18 we can’t hang out” kind of way but we just genuinely tend not to vibe. But again that’s just my personal experience so it’s super different for everyone.

There’s also a lot of minors who don’t want anyone who’s over 18 interacting with them for similar reasons. Often times it’s protection, but a lot of minors find adults annoying or not super relatable, which is just as valid.

Tldr: everyone has different comfort levels. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong or that people just automatically hate you bc of your age, it’s more so like the difference between teenagers & 20 year olds can be pretty big so sometimes they don’t want to interact with each other.

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part V (with a bit of spoilers and maybe important quotes?)

Armand!

YAY!

Okay, what the hell is happening?

??????

Seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

Am I lost because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version and maybe it's not properly translated?

*Downloads an English PDF copy* Yeah, this isn't much better and it looks like it was poorly transcript.

I'm still not sure I'm following...

Well

Whatever

I still like this anyway?

Also, I can see I'll have to read at least this book twice anyway. Maybe more or even the whole chronicles.

Because since Armand showed up I'm DEVOURING this and I can see myself maybe missing a few details... I'll need to read it slower and savor it in the future. I also assume that knowing more of the lore will give me perspective on a future read.

Armand is never boring.

Still my favorite character. :) Let's hope nothing ever ruins that. :) /hj

Not one Lesmand/Armandstat interaction is wasted tbh, I don't care if they're vibing or hating each other's guts, they're always A MOMENT™.

Let's hope nothing ever ruins that. :) /hj

They also have some pretty valid and intriguing conversations, really.

The impression I get is that they want to stay close, but deep down know it's better not to because they're so messed-up and would be even more messed-up as friends or else (and maybe it's the or at least one of the reasons why they attract each other?), but there's some frustration in that acknowledgement too. Like, doing something because you should is not the same as doing it because you want to and... Well.

I mean, there's more I could say, but this is the short version of how I generally feel about them lol.

Can't wait to see all of this on season 3.

Assad is right, I want Armand to be unhinged too. So glad we're on the same page about all thigs Armand ever and that the spirit of Armand posses Assad on a daily basis so he can play him 100% the way I imagine him. SMILING THROUGH IT ALL, CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also ready for more Lestat (Armand's version) and finally some Armand (Lestat's version). Let the battle begin. I wonder who will be more insufferable.

Little bit of Armand's back story. :/ I wanna put him in a bubble.

I don't really think I'll be interested in Marius, tbh.

Anyway... He's not here yet.

Gabrielle jumps from roofs like Cat Woman and Armand quickly and silently vanishes from places like Batman. I hope we keep the Gotham-esque vibes of these scenes. I think it's super cool tbh.

I also love seeing Armand talking to people telepathically? Feels so much deeper and kind of poetic, idk. Not to mention is such a cool concept. I hope the show explores more of that.

Also, when he stops blocking his thoughts and let's someone peek at his thoughts it feels intimate? And not necessarily romantic or anything like that, but just like, "hey, this is a little piece of my soul, I'm sharing it with you". Or maybe I'm too romantic and trying to find the beauty in everything lol.

But then he finally speaks out loud and it feels deeper and more meaningful as well? I don't know. Maybe I'm becoming insane.

Lestat went like 3 pages without mentioning Armand's beauty. I'm proud of him.

Nevermind, now he is mentioning it 50 times per sentence. Even more than he did before. It's like he regretted it and it's making up for lost time lmao.

Some of the words Lestat has used to describe Armand so far: beautiful, sublime, ethereal, exquisite, perfect, soft, saint, angel (there's more, but it's been so many synonyms for beautiful I can't remember... still, you get the point). Not to mention comparing him to a Caravaggio and Da Vinci paintings.

I feel like he'll run out of words to describe him pretty soon.

I guess we all feel pretty (not) normal about Armand.

This is also ruining it for me, because if someone doesn't describe me as "irresistibly beautiful" then what is even the point, really...

And it's not like they're a couple or anything, SO??? STOP!!!

They're not lovers, they're not friends, they're not enemies, they're a fourth and more sinister thing that not even them can classify, let alone my mere mortal self.

Anyway, I hope Lestat will be even more annoying describing Louis. He set the bar too high now.

I wonder if Louis appears (for a significant amount of time) on this book.

I hope so, but I don't know.

"But I was so glad it was finished. So glad that we could go on. Yet I held to the bars for a long time just looking at the distant woods, and the dim glow far beyond that the city made upon the lowering clouds. And the grief I felt was not only for the loss of him, it was for Nicki, and for Paris, and for myself." This is sad...

"So let him be your patron saint if you need it" LMFAOOOOOO.

Is Gabrielle wrong, though?

NO, SHE ISN'T!

Just have fun with your immortality instead of going on an uncertain quest to find Marius? Stop being stupid???

You'll probably just find danger or disappointment. Or both.

LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF REASON, LESTAT!

"And the sense of grief came back to me, the realization that we were really going, that it was finished with Nicolas and finished with the Children of Darkness and their leader, and I wouldn't see Paris again, or anything familiar to me, for years and years. And for all my desire to be free, I wanted to weep." So, he finally starts making a life for himself away from his abusive family. Then, he is forcefully turned into a vampire, has to live this double life with mortals, without ever being able to be completely open, honest and have real, deep relationships with them. Later, he turns Gabrielle, Nicki, meets Armand and the other of his kind, but they're all so troubled or with completely different interests... And it's clear as a day that they can't stay together anymore, he's slowly coming to the realization he's losing everything and everyone he knows and will soon be alone again... I'm (not) fine.

Also, this is so BPD-coded of him. He's had these pretty sad and traumatic moments, but he never allowed himself to feel those emotions for too long, he always found stuff to distract himself with, tried to see the "the good side" of things, embrace them, be positive instead etc, but you can only ignore it so much until it becomes such a big problem you can't possibly avoid anymore. And then the emotion hits 9483958345x harder than it would have if you processed things properly and had better coping mechanisms. Like, I get him, but OMG. Get him some vampire therapist.

Btw, Armand feels pretty BPD-coded too.

I also heard somewhere that Armand is a Scorpio?

And Lestat is another BPD Scorpio...

That would explain A LOT actually lmao.

End of "The Vampire Armand" chapter and they're parting ways.

So I guess I'll just rot and die, then?

Or...

...Armand will return in the worst possible way lmao.

I tried to find a gif of 2x05 saying "everything is fine!" to represent how I'm feeling right now, but failed, so consider it done anyway. Everything is (not) fine!

[rin-and-jade]

Im so happy to see you taking a break and I hope the break is very nice!

I understand there might be a delay in responses but thats okay, please take your time your health is more important !!

Be prepared for a huge wall of text so sorry in advance-

But, i have a few things im just itching to ask gahhh

Firstly, we originally believed we had little to no amnesia (believing osdd-1b) BUT since then we realised the amnesia is so much heavier than we realised, we figured bc we could recall general events and it was calm in a sense (we saw majority of the time when people experience amnesia its distressing and the loss of all memory) but, the memories are not memorying, so now we are assuming just DID, and that brings me to the second part...

fragments and subsystems, so, idk how valid this is (mostly bc my assumptions are based off vibes/gut instinct) but im fairly sure a subsystem occurred a few months back from a split where that alter just disappeared, which is unusual from what we have documented from the past 1.5 years (most splits the alter detaches from the stressor and those stressors mould a new alter to deal with it in a sense-) so from the recent odd split i believe a subsys was created as such? i have no clue except the vibes, in which it feels like a bunch of fragments in a sense? like i believe ive been fronting for months on my own for now, but there are some parts of my days where i just blank anything that happened, so im curious if there is-

and its not the only time as such where we have had this dreaded gut feeling there were more parts that might be dormant or even very separate, or even parts we dont even notice due to the nature of disorder being a whole lot of forgetting and the disorder pretending to not be the disorder and stuff ;-;

im so sorry for the huge rambles, if you have any advice or explanations or even resources i can read through to draw my own conclusions that would be so cool, bc as of right now im so scared to say this as i feel like im actually faking it for attention and theres no way i was traumatised enough for this and yadayada

tldr: should i trust my 'gut instincts' about system related information, or is my brain being silly?

I don't see the point on invalidating instincts, they're subconscious pattern detectors, so if you feel off, you bet it IS off. Though it's healthy to back it up with evidence preferably, and if there's no evidence yet, then you prowl like a predator in attempt to search for the truth scroll... cough--with a help from me whenever you need it, i mean im not going anywhere.

Also, you can check wether you have did or osdd by jotting down logs or patterns wether: you're memorying more or memorying less, the things you forgot, how often do you find yourself black/greying out, how distinct your personalities are, and wether you can easily remember other part's memories or able to grasp another facet of yourself (if you do not, or is really hard too, im sure this is 'did' from first impression)

--

Right, and for the advices, further explanations, or even resources are all answered by my previous edu posts where its compiled in the #jeducates tag,, i'd love you to just swim in it and process all my information like a sponge.. and come back the second time with more specific questions if you still need confirmation or assurances.

Let me know how it went, i'll be waiting for ya's update!

- c

[coconox]

late night ramble but ig heres my 2 cents of this poll (not directly attaching this to the poll cause im a coward LOL)

ofc, i won't put my thoughts on luci/belphe/asmo. ik we get tidbits of them through their nobles or pb's prev games but i wanna judge them based on how they actually show up in-game. i also know there's prob gonna be some luci lore later when gamigin update is out (atm its like abt 4 or so days till that update's release) but i'll just omit my thoughts on luci for now

ok now for the rest of the kings:

i should also put a disclaimer that i don't read any of the unholy board stories unless if it's mammon's, so for the other kings that aren't mammon my opinions are purely based off of main story or event appearances or how they act in comics

satan - honestly pretty ok w him. i'm kinda biased when it comes to mc being recoginized as their own person rather than purely just the descendant of solomon so i like him based on that. idk i don't have any strong opinions abt him i just see him as a very fluffy cat :3

mammon - absolutely love him. 0 flaws. wins the idgaf war. my absolute fav squeak toy. lol ok but fr tho i don't really have any complaints abt him. will spoil tf out of mc and wants to ensure their safety. also sees mc as mc and was even kinda disgusted(? idk a better word for this💀💀) by the fact that a part of solomons soul can be sensed in them, almost as if he doesnt want it to be in the way of mc. also wasnt afraid to call out the fact that sitri kept calling mc solomon. and ofc the love at first sight thing is great too but also the bodyworship (or ig faceworship bc he only just kissed mc's entire face??) before the confession like UGH... absolutely weak for that man (devil?). idk i dont rlly see that many mammon fans rlly anywhere and it saddens me hes such a good char outside of just having huge tibbies. srsly tho pb pls we get it he has huge tits you dont need to constantly bring it up the char sprite is literally right in front of us-

cant wait for the next chapter w the big lore dump abt mammon and hope we finally get a pt 2 of his h scene (hopium)

no srsly he's the only king w 1 h scene, satan and levi got 2,, WHERE IS MAMMON'S PT 2

as a side comment also i love the silly banter btwn mammon and satan like they are truly besties from the cross on their foreheads to matching skill names to the amnt of times they throw hands and still hang out and care for each other

beel - hes ok ig? i think lore-wise hes gonna be one of the more interesting ones considering how "mysterious" he is i.e. constantly wandering, almost being an absent king. like what led to the constant wandering? what did andrealphus mean when he said beel is the key to ending the war? how does his cloning work? i kinda feel bad for bael and the other nobels needing to manage everything while beels away but i don't rlly hate him for it? at least not now considering we don't rlly know the definite reason and i want to assume the best and say he has a valid reason for being absent so he could protect his region. hate is a strong word ig its more of a slight dislike towards beel, but its like this 🤏 small of a dislike im still overall neutral abt him

levi - falling into the majority from the poll i have to agree that levi is my least fav king also lol. i get where he's coming from and why he acts the way he does, i just dont like how he's written? or ig moreso how he's written in the perspective of mc. tho tbh that's more of an mc issue than a levi issue, but i got pretty tired of the story constantly reminding us how pretty levi is (similar to how we always get reminded of how big mammon is/how huge mammons tits are). idk its like a gut feeling to not like/trust him. i also just don't really vibe w him in general even before we were actually introduced to him in main story. hes a good attacker gameplay-wise tho lol

so yeah, those are my thoughts for now. ofc they could change in the future when we get more info abt all of them but we'll see

[woozis-boy]

Hii. I just came across your blog and I have a couple questions..

How old were you when you realized you were a regressor? Because I think I might be one, but I’m only fifteen so maybe I’m too young to regress. And how do you know when you slip? Because some times when I’m tired I get giggly and babble but idk what that really means.

And whenever I read age fics about kpop groups, the reader always regresses with a member or their cg but I don’t have one. Do you find it hard to regress when alone? And how do you know how old you are when in little space?

I know I have a lot of questions but I’m scared and confused and I’ve never talked to anyone about it so I was hoping I could talk to you.

But I love you find so much comfort in Woozi, I do too, he makes me feel safe and protected☺️

hey there!! I'm so glad I made you feel safe enough to ask all this, I hope I can help you out.

my journey as a regressor, I think I was doing it for a long time before I made the connection and before I even knew what it was. I only admitted it to myself that I regress coming up on two years ago now, but I was writing agere fanfiction back in 2018, and de-aging fanfic probably about 13 years ago. The first time I came across anything agere related was when I was 15-ish, so about your age. I'm 27 now. But I think I have some foggy memories of being much younger than that and showing signs of regressing. I've seen other age regressors that are younger than you and active in the community, too. Obviously there's a limit to how young you can be to regress to certain ages (You can't regress to being mentally 8 when you are physically 8 lol) and I don't know how young you go but I doubt that's a problem here haha.

For me, I can tell when I'm regressing by how I feel and think. I feel giddy and bubbly in a way I don't when I'm big, and always kinda pouty. And I have a bit of a lisp struggling with R's and L's, and my balance is worse, so I'm wobbly. I tend to want to curl up in someone's arms and get cuddles and just be held and doted on and loved... But I don't have a caregiver, either. So I settle for daydreams. Lots of them. A lot of them with Seventeen and Woozi and Joshua giving me the parental love I never got as a kid, and the safety I never had.

Honestly, a lot of figuring out my age is just vibes and a gut feeling. Sometimes it's easier, like if I want a sippy, or I want to run around outside and play. But most of the time I just play around in my head with how I feel calling myself certain ages and figure it out on what feels right.

It can be challenging to regress on my own, especially if I'm stressed from work (these last couple of weeks have been brutal tbh), so admittedly sometimes I have to calm myself down with big-me techniques like meditating or something in order to be able to indulge in my main coping mechanism hahaha. And sometimes I don't even regress at all, despite my best efforts. But focusing on just trying for a little bit even helps me relax some!

It's okay that you're scared about this. I was too and I think that's why it took me like 10 years to admit I was doing it! And even then, buying my first pacifier was terrifying. Letting myself try intentionally regressing was the scariest thing, and if I hadn't have been mid-panic attack and desperate for relief, who knows if I ever would have! But it's going to all be okay, and YOU are going to be okay. If it helps, it helps, and if it doesnt, it doesn't, and that's okay.

All this is from my perspective of doing it as a coping mechanism and reclaiming a childhood lost to bad things, but if you're doing it for fun or just because it feels good, that's okay too! That's why I regress most of the time tbh. It's so fun and relaxing to just kick back and color with my paci and some Blues Clues. Half of the reason I'm looking forward to moving out is because I'll be able to regress whenever I want and not have to hide it. So whatever your reason for regressing, totally valid. You don't even need a reason!

I hope this has helped in any way 🥺 Feel free to message me whenever you need or if you have more questions! I may be a tiger cub when I'm tiny but I can be a papa bear when I'm big, so I'll be happy to help you with whatever you need 😊

(Also yeah! Safe and protected is also exactly how I feel about Woozi 🥺 I call him eomma in my headspace for a reason lol. I'm sooo glad you get it!!!)

[bitchfitch]

Idk working on this fic again is. like. I don't think validating is the right word. Consoling maybe? It's sitting a younger version of myself down and working through the worse of its neurosis.

like. Idk. this is one of those topics that feels taboo to talk about because it gets a bunch of better-than-thou whiners saying "Well you shouldn't have done that. That was a bad thing to do" even when that's like. not helpful or adding anything to the conversation other than them jacking off their ego.

Anyways. Lil me was a fucking idiot who thought it was a genius. All the pressure of being told it was more grown up than it's peers because of the trauma it had already suffered. The book smarts it thought it could use to navigate a world it had no power in. It thought it was hot shit. The one in charge of every situation it put itself in even when those situations were sexual in nature and happening with people way, Way too old to be messing around with a teenager.

And working on this fic that's more O than fan at this point, it's just this vibe you know, of getting to finally give that little shit the conclusion to that period of its life that it wanted instead of the one it got. The escape from the pressure to be someone it's not in a suffocatingly religious environment, crushed under expectations that would have been extreme for an able minded and bodies adult but which were Ridiculous for a multiply disabled teen. Because that's why it did those things you know, It wasn't interested in the sex, it was interested in connection and the chance to be the version of itself that didn't feel like a too tight dress ripping at Sunday mass. That's what those older men gave that it's peers and family couldn't even when they were supportive.

The fantasy of what if it had met the right person at the right time and gotten to escape to a place it could just breathe, and be a kid again even if it hadn't been treated like one by anyone in so long.

and then theres the anxiety of writing something like that these days you know, giving your younger self closure while risking your sorta... current social standing to do so. Because like. there's pressure to not write about these things. Because yeah. it's fucking disgusting and awful and the reality of the situation was nothing like what happens in a story with a happily ever after tacked on at the end. But people take that as an excuse to rip into you and spread nasty lies for like, daring to even think about that. Because they have their own demons and those demons don't understand yours so they lash out to defend themselves from what makes their gut churn.

In a perfect world, this post wouldn't exist. But there's a nagging and paranoid and angry little thing in the back of my mind that insists if I don't justify my arts existence, to myself and to those who need someone to feel superior to, then I'm just proving to them and myself that I've become exactly like the men who took advantage of that younger version of me.

[krsnaradhika]

Hi, last anon here.

https://www.tumblr.com/krsnaradhika/737772917040005120/kenopsia-moody-rant?source=share

Umm... Hello? Are you kidding me?

Sakhi (btw I am calling you Sakhi now. And no, you can't do anything about that) I hope this is an ancient post. I hope that you don't feel that way still. Because reallyyyy?

You call Kanha, 'my love', and then say that you hate being dependent on anybody for happiness? Feel him around you. He is inside you. He is everywhere. How can you be dependent on anybody else? He chose you! He loves you! I thought I was reading the blog of Krishna's bestie, but Krishna would not be with this.

You are not boring! You are literally the most interesting person I have come across on Tumblr!

And don't you talk about making a difference! What you are doing, what you stand for, Sakhi it gives strength to so many people. It gives hope. For life, not only for one subject matter. You understand how significant people's religions are to them. This makes them powerful. It made me powerful.

yes, people have opinions of you. I have one. You are the chosen one. Someone, something, chose you. They chose you to make a difference, to inspire, and to instil confidence in people.

I don't know about right or wrong. Ask your heart. Feel it in your gut. Does this, anything, feel right? It will be okay. I promise. It will be so good. You have not murdered anything. It is this cursed time that we live in. But let Him anchor you. He is the Ultimate truth. Surrender onto him.

Sending love and prayers, Gauri 🦚🪈 (Not my real name, but that is what Dhruvi used to call me)

Hey Gauri Sakhi, let's just say I have my own emotional highs and lows because life sucks sometimes even though I am still very grateful to Kanha for everything 😭

This post is an old one, yes, my mood was horrible then. Your messages have been so sweet, I was having a terrible mood now too and you've instantly bought a smile to my face so thank you 😭 Idk man my hormones I guess, or maybe the fact that I've been a bit unwell physically these days and board exams are coming up. Validation is something I require at seldom times because again, idk, self esteem probs not going completely. In my head I'm just a shapeless, floating thought and some random vibes and the fact that I am a person is still very sus but okay, thank you Kanha for keeping up with me despite me being a cry baby. Seriously how is my man even dealing with me, he deserves better tbh 😭

Dw I'm going to be the better one too. I'm not this existential dread 💅✨

[samsspambox]

hi hi!! i was tagged by both @actualbird and @theres-a-bea for the 15 questions thing!!! thank you both!! <3 (i decided to make a separate post to not ping everyone lolol)

anyways! here we go!! :D

are you named after anyone? no but i almost was tho! my dad wanted to name me after my paternal grandmother/paternal aunt but my mom swooped in last second and put my name as is hehe!

when was the last time you cried? a day ago lmaooo. there's health issues in my family currently going on and, well, i worry a lot.

do you have kids? in the words of artem wing: i've never had a girlfriend or wife, let alone a child. (this user has never had a romantic partner ever. i've asked around and apparently, i just fit nicely in with friends that i'm never considered for romance so, yeah.)

do you use sarcasm much? yes absolutely, its my third language. not much online tho but irl? yes

what sports do you play? i used to play soccer and do track and field back in middle school but i tore something (American health care everyone) and it kinda hurts when doing extreme stuff so i just stick to walking lolol. i would've loved to do gymnastics.

first thing you notice about other people? their eyes and vibes! you can tell a lot from a person just from their eyes and tbh, and my gut feelings don't do me wrong. there was this one time when a person felt off vibe- wise and i was right it was so validating

eye color? brown!

scary movies or happy endings? happy endings!! i absolutely hate horror (not to dis it at all, its just not for me). my friend has sworn off taking me to see a horror movie bc -- ha-- i was a horror to watch it with

any special talents? uh,,, i'm pretty good with a map? pattern recognition? knowing the 50 states in song form? the ability to bullshit my way out of situations? idk if these count lolol i find myself going blank!

where were you born? i was born in the west coast of America! unlock level 420 of friendship to figure out the state!

what are your hobbies? i read, write, i'm teaching myself to draw, i fiddle with computers a lot (i, uh, program stuff in my free time just to fuck around but my favorite thing to do is break into computers? with consent ofc), i know my way about circuit boards and soldering, and off the record i translate, tutor, and take care of kids jksbdkjsb. the woes of the oldest child

do you have any pets? yES! my babies gabacho and ginger i love them to bits and they were born on leap day

13. how tall are you? i'm 5 feet 2.5 inches (lISTEN I GREW HALF AN INCH SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL IM PROUD) 14. favorite subject in high school? i was really into my digital electronics class, CSA, world history, and physics! 15. dream job? back when i was younger the dream job was NASA, but now idk? i'm having an ongoing crisis but the way things are going I'll end up doing something in cybersecurity

and now for the tags! i shall tag @surely-galena and whoever else wants to join in!

[thekidsarentalright]

ok ok i’ve started to process the album but honestly cant stop yelling enough to write a coherent ask so here’s a whole bunch of stuff that has me going feral:

the title track. i think fob just released one of my fave songs ever, it went to my top 5 from them so fast!!! it reminds me of how much the pandemic fucked up for everyone… “thought we had it all” fr!! but like. the strings??? the choir at the end?! SUNSHINE OF MY LIFETIME REPRISE?!?! SHUT UP FOREVER!!!!! (also my bday is the “day after christmas past” so i nearly screamed when i heard that line lmaooooo… followed immediately by “my pain isn’t cool enough”?! literally almost fell over at that point. that felt like an accidental shoutout and then getting punched directly in the gut 😭)

flu game is absolutely my second fave!!! the “youuuu” in the chorus just hits my brain a certain way i’m obsessed!! also i relate to it a little too much 😭

what a time to be alive!!!!! soul punk vibes fr <3 also that bridge goes so hard i think screaming it live would fix me 😭 WHEN I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE THIS ISNT QUITE WHAT I MEANT!!!! GOT THE QUARANTINE BLUES BAD NEWS WHAT’S LEFT!!!!!

the strings in i am my own muse?!?! patrick is just flexing at this point (as he should) <3

my synesthesia went crazy with heaven iowa… it’s this beautiful deep blue/indigo/purple situation and i want to live in it <— totally normal thing to say abt a song

so good right now gave me whiplash right after heaven iowa but it’s so fun! i went from crying to dancing so fast lmao

in general i love space and this album delivered w the references!! i caved and bought the glow in the dark stars 😳

and the living even though it’s painful and scary, especially when it’s painful and scary vibes… fob always knows what we need to hear i swear!!! ur post abt the themes on this album is so so true <3

patrick dressed as a chicken playing the piano… i love him so much it’s stupid <3 also that music video nearly killed me. couldn’t see the screen super well when they were on fallon and didn’t process that the costume was like… a muscle suit for a solid minute. my brain literally shut down lmaooo 😭

ik there’s like… lyric parallels and stuff i got rlly excited abt but am totally forgetting rn! i’m sure it’ll come back when i listen to the album again (which i’m probably gonna go do rn) but… yeah!! so glad we get to be insane abt all this on here together lol <3 peace and love in fob world ☺️

- 🧋 anon

YESSSS the title track is INSANE with how good it is and how much is in it like. i swear every lyric hits Hard, the reprise absolutely breaks my heart it is so. Perfect. so so so valid for it being in your top 5 fob songs of all time already it is genuinely That Good!!! and made for you Clearly with that birthday shoutout!!! even with the gut punch after. every lyric feels like such a gut punch i swear kfgjdhfkjs

flu game is ALSO one of my top favs, i could not rank this album yet even if it would save my life kfjsdkfj but i know for Sure flu game is in like. top 5 territory. i'm obsessed w it for the same reasons fr it is. too relatable thanks pete (haha i said the thing!)

REAL i need them to perform what a time to be alive live SO bad literally just so i can scream that bridge i think that would fix me fr fr. also just love how dancey it is while having. incredibly depressing lyrics. vibe of all time fksjdhfks

patrick is flexing w his arranging skills all over this album but Esp in i am my own muse and i hope he keeps flexing forever bc it is. so good!!!!

OUGHHH heaven iowa being purpley blue it so pretty... to me it's like... idk a very warm song, orange/yellow/golden so. the opposite of you KFJDSK but still pretty i Also wanna live in it. we are So normal for that bff <3

they are literally sick for putting so good right now right after heaven, iowa it was Such an intense tone shift fsdkjfsh i Love so good right now tho it's slowly becoming one of my favs i think

i absolutely love how jam packed this album is w space references, i was anticipating it but Still am like. fuck yeah space fkjdshkfjs i'm still debating on getting the glow in the dark stars tbh... is u getting them a sign i should too... much to think about

but yeah the albums themes are SOOOO. like. i think what the world needed to hear right now, also what i needed to hear rn, what You needed to hear like. they always know!!!! it is just so cathartic to hear that things might not be okay or better but that you can still live and be fulfilled and have love Despite Despite Despite!!!!

and lastly fr i. didn't process it was a chestplate/muscle suit at first either so was like. ready to die over patrick looking like That lmao honestly i still am he pulls off that look way too well. also pulled off the chicken costume imo <3

[sammywolfgirl]

(Same anon. I just realized what the smirk Would insinuate. Sorry about that. no I don’t see them dating either. ) but I can see what you explained happening. I can see them as friends and/or understanding eachother better.

I am curious though…in her bio it insinuates she has a big secret. What do you think it is.

Hey valid dude tone is hard to express over text.

As for the secret? Eh either she’s a vampire or the secret is she’s a huge softie. Idk.

The vampire idea is cute and one of the relationship charts confirm she has fangs, but she could just be a critter with fangs and not a vampire. I’m not sure which I’ll go with I’m kinda focusing on other story development and don’t wanna split my time between the roomates idea when so far it’s just kinda sitcom stuff.

I feel like the idea they were going for with currant cream is she appears scary and dark and edgy because of her punk style but really she’s super kind and caring, and as someone who was into punk fashion (at least online never had the guts to wear anything outside of Halloween) I was already primed with the “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” thing. Then add on that I was getting adhd vibes from her and I just went “she just like me fr” in that she’s a nice person she just kinda has trouble with expression and social ques so she comes off as weird or scary when she isn’t!

Pastel meringue for instance only saw her exterior and drew the worst conclusions for her because he refused to see beyond the surface, which frankly isn’t very sweet and delicate of him, but when he finally did I think he started to see beyond the surface. And him at least admitting to his mistake is good! He’s not totally hopeless.

Uhhh in conclusion currant cream is scrunkly and I might be projection on her a bit so do not be surprised if when I finally start developing that roomates story pastel comes off as a bitch at first. Sorry bud you kind of are I’m dragging you through the character growth pit you have no choice in this sir

[happy10thousandyears]

for the artist ask, i'm curious about 5, 29, 30?

Hi mz!!!

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

Tbh I post most if not all of my art online because I kinda yearn for the validation … (NOT to the point of unhealthy obsession like I had been before) but now I mainly post for my mutuals/friends (it’s like parallel play..) than a fandom audience online. But I don’t really post my traditional practices anywhere bc I still very much have a perfectionist problem.. I don’t want to see them on my blog also I only do figure drawing in anatomy class. Once a week. So there really aren’t a lot of those drawings

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

Okay erm. Im so sorry in advance but AHEM dr.wh0 expanded universe (chokes and retches bile) bs and g@llifrey (crumples onto ground) IT WAS SWAG 10 YEARS AGO… where they actually hired illustrators to do thoughtful impactful cd covers but now it’s kinda just marvel style actor’s face collage slop. Also the fandom is so fucking artless and save for about a handful of real ones the lack of skill, design or any evocative emotions in fanart is kinda appaling. Also the attitude towards fanartists as ‘content’ producers I kinda hated it. Big part of why I left the fandom like a year ago (though idk the environment there now I hope it had improved but if they do I don’t wanna fucking know about it because their attitude really formed a formidable double kill combo towards my will to live with my mom’s distain for my art)

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

Actually i don’t really have any drawings i feel are underrated.. in fact I think a lot of my drawings are overrated..? I have a lot more attention on this blog that I did on my old fandom (see above) blog and I’m really thankful for it !! Also I have the occasional hit tweet on Twitter (I don’t really know why) but it’s so more than enough for me so I’m just gonna share TWO old piece that I’ve begun to like !!

(Self harm warning)

These two 🚬🪞drawings for this fic.. reading it as it was live updating for 3 months was such a journey…….. I can?? Tolerate incest?? But revealing the 2 people I ship are actually siblings like 5/6 into the fic was my first 🚬🪞911 . after I’ve drawn countless drawings of them fucking in the setting of this fic . Like I would appreciate knowing the author’s headcanon beforehand so I would not disrespect the author’s wishes and ship them in this setting . It was kinda a gutting move for me so I stopped drawing fanart for that fic bc I was so shocked . but if not anything I admire the author so much for writing a 94 chapter 🪞fic that was incredible. But anyways I liked the vibe of these two

[andi-is-bored]

I LISTENED TO GUTS WHEN IT CAME OUT AT MIDNIGHT CAUSE I WAS ALREADY UP AND ITS REALLY GOOD!!

haven’t decided if i like it more than sour yet so i’m gonna leave that thought for later.

i will now give my thoughts on each song and if you disagree, im not gonna say you’re wrong, but you are cause my opinion is fact :))

all american bitch: i like the beginning fine but the chorus is the highlight, it’s a bit disjointed i think? like the verses and the chorus don’t fit together too well but either way i still love it cause it reminds me of like, 2010s disney/nick rock band music, you feel? idk that’s my thought process but yeah, a little scattered but still really good and it picks up after the first verse so yeah (edit*i think the disjointedness i felt was intentional to make the chorus more shocking on the first listen? which i’m very cool with, i love when songs do that)

bad idea right?: we’ve all heard it, it’s here, it’s iconic and i love it

vampire: probably overplayed by now but MY GOD ITS SO GOOD, the whole buildup and the vocals and the piano just UGH it’s so good my favorite song

lacy: i’m not saying it’s bad cause it’s really not, the chorus is really nice and i do like it, there’s just something about it i don’t love, the vocals during the first verse is sung weirdly and, yeah idk it’s just something weird i don’t love, but yeah i don’t hate it, just not my fav

balled of a homeschooled girl: i resonate with this on some level cause i was homeschooled so i understand the social anxiety of wanting to fit in and not knowing what to say, at least that’s what i got out of it. also this is just such a catchy song like, she does such a good job with these kind of pop rock/punk songs it’s insane. but yeah i’m in love and the lalalalalala line at the end was GOLD

making the bed: the chorus is BEAUTIFUL OMG i don’t always vibe with the slower songs but this one? gorgeous, amazing, all the adjectives

logical: not as good as making the bed but still beautiful as hell, that’s all really, not many thoughts :)

get him back!: this one really reminds me of like, that school of rock show on nickelodeon, you know? but in the best way cause this one is SO GOOD I CANT EXPLAIN IT. again she just does these songs so well idk how

love is embarrassing: oh MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG! in my top three of the album honestly, it’s so catchy and fun just omgg so GOOD!

the grudge: it’s not bad but not my favorite, i really enjoy the chorus but it’s a bit too slow for me tbh, it’s still really nice though

pretty isn’t pretty: this one is so good! i dont really have any thoughts on it? it’s just there, it’s good! the chorus is really cool, just not much to say

teenage dream: a really good close to the album, reminds me a little of happier than ever by billie ellish, where it’s very slow with soft piano in the beginning but it picks up more near the end. it’s really really good

so yeah, that was my thought process i guess, i might like it more than sour? it’s hard to beat though cause sour was so iconic, im not sure. either way i’m in love with this album, please go listen to it, it’s so good ok BYE!!!

(also please remember that these are my opinions and that if you have a different one than me, that doesn’t make yours any less valid, got it? ok cool cool cool)

(also my opinion may change overtime, i didn’t like favorite crime the first few times i listened to it but now i love it! so yeah)

[wuahae]

STOPPPP AND THE WHOLE KYUNGSOO IS A DEMON AGENDA LIKE??? omg and pathetic loser men 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 juyeon seems so stoic at first !! he gave me very much serious vibes. but sunwoo……i just had that gut feeling that he was a loser 😭 AND STOP THE WAY UR ABT GET INTO TBZ LIKEEEEEEUEUDHDNDNDJDJN they’re so ??://$&/&: like im kicking my feet. and as for my bias in svt i admit im a minwon loser 😵‍💫 but seokmin and chan are up there too ! tho vernon pushed me into them cuz i thought he looked like leonardo dicaprio 😔

do you remember that joke that was like … taehyung is baekhyun and daehyun’s son 😭 like i feel like everyone (at least internationally) were multifans NFBWJF oh how times have changed …. AND YES genuinely the boyz are just Some Guys /pos …..starts crying HDJFKSK but if you ever really want to get into them….. i smack my whiteboard filled with the Beginner Deobi Curriculum . i am Right Here 🫂🫂

the minwon bias is so so valid!! they are also in my bias line jfwbfkwkfk i actually used to be a seokmin girly back in 2015? 2016?? and chan is soooo …. recently he’s been on my radar as well like he is so interesting to me i need to pin him to a table and dissect his silly little brain (he is Just like me .) . the leo resemblance HAHAH like i used to be able to see it but now he just looks like himself to me idk 😭😭 ALSO ok i havent seen Anyone Else mention this but at certain angles and facial expressions he reminds me of ross lynch,,,, 😭 like especially during the black eye mv and sometimes when ross lynch moves his eyebrows in a certain way ,,,, please tell me i’m not the only one who sees it 😭

[uselessidiotsquad]

Ruby Rambles: Dream Bond and Nightmare Bond

My musings on how the Dream bond and Nightmare bond could work. Under the cut for the length!

Dream Bond:

My personal take on the Dream Bond is that it's a Sylvari exclusive shared empathy of a sort. So it can branch into sharing emotions or like getting a sample of what the other person is feeling, physically experiencing, or their general outlook. Many Sylvari use it without really thinking so they jump directly into conversation bypassing the whole formality of questioning.

Imagine getting a feeling that someone is hungry and feeling sad before even saying anything - it would tailor your conversation. You could skip the 'how are you' and 'is something wrong' and just go directly to 'what would you like to eat'.

Which is why when Sylvari try to talk with the other races there is sometimes a lack in communication because they don't have the instant Vibe Check of the Dream. Many of them didn't even learn to ask since it was so ingrained in them. Making many Sylvari seem rude, presumptive, or invasive.

Back to practical examples! Riag doesn't use the Dream Bond (his connection with the Dream is a lot weaker since his psychological break) very much as he finds it somewhat personal/intimate? Having spent a lot of time in not just exclusively Sylvari areas, he's sort of taken a step back from relying on the Dream Bond. Sylvari can put mental and emotional walls up to keep their feelings to themselves and Riag has them up almost constantly. However, when he does use it, it's usually just with Trahearne. He would rather ask than rely on it. That being said, he does ask first before using it and it still makes him a little flustered when he does even though it's a core Sylvari behavior he blushes, it's very cute. Likewise, Trahearne asks before hand knowing that he's very private as Sylvari go.

Nightmare Bond:

It works functionally the same as the Dream, but has a noticeably different feel to it. The Dream Bond is what the person is feeling but is filtered through the Dream which makes it more... idk ethereal? Floaty? Lighter but in the sense of a fond memory that you can't recall all the details for but are left with the feeling. I equate the Dream Bond to walking through a mist and the Nightmare to walking through cobwebs.

The Nightmare flips that with the reverse card. So for instance two members of the Nightmare Court might share it and sense each others emotions but they are sharper, somehow. Jarring, almost. Like walking down a set of stairs but they are steeper than you remember.

For an instance, let's use Dei. So before Nightmare they relied on the Dream Bond quite a lot for validation that their friends did not actually hate them/think poorly of them. It is a main part of Sylvari - to - Sylvari communication so them relying on it heavily isn't uncommon. I'm not going to call a crutch, but definitely something that they used an awful lot for their own insecurity but in doing so just fed more into it.

Going from that to Nightmare (where people are actually not really fond of them) jolted them enough that they quit using it, pretty much altogether. They already knew their Court disliked them and didn't need it confirmed by the Bond.

Riag doesn't use the Dream Bond often just because he'd rather his feelings be expressed when *he* is ready rather than someone jumping in because they want to know.

Dei doesn't use the Nightmare Bond unless made to, because they don't want to know the feelings / thoughts of others towards given that Nightmare isn't kind.

For a more neutral example, Glanaim is like one good shake from being Soundless. He is still technically a Dreamer but prefers not having to sample/having others sample what he's feeling. This is why he's like chill with some Nightmare Courtiers. Glan doesn't get the gut feeling of WRONG BAD GROSS that many Dreamers get when encountering it. Just because he's distanced enough from either side. He'd rather rely on his own experiences than some metaphysical bond that is shared only because they are Sylvari.