#the two links go to the same page.. it’s for consistency sorry :P

[magicicephoenix]

Hi ! If you're still doing the color palette thingy, I had some ideas, like Allison or/and Alice with the "Perfumed Letters" one or the Projectionist with the "Today Today". I feel like it would be very fitting for them, but if you don't want to do both that's okay too ! Have a nice day and keep up your amazing art :]

allow me to pull the “how about both?” card for the second time :]

allison and alice with perfumed letters AND the projectionist with today today!

also thank you! :D you have a good day too, anon <3

[nev3rfound]

option two : b.b

after nightmares continue to haunt his nights, bucky knows there’s one person left who could potentially provide some form of comfort, but is she still willing to see him after all this time? (1.5k)

masterlist / permanent taglist / etsy shop - requests open!

5k giveaway celebration 

warnings: angsty, sad bucky, minor spoilers for ep1 of tfatws  requested: nope, just something i’ve been thinking about since ep1 of tfatws

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website without being credited, it has not been approved to be shared by me. all rights reserved.)

It felt real, as if he were back there holding the gun with no remorse.

Cold sweat covers Bucky’s body as he pants heavily, feeling the cool tags against his exposed chest rising and falling with his deep breaths that refuse to calm down.

He knew it wasn’t real, it was all in his head. But he knew it happened, even if it was many years ago, he still held the gun in his hand and pulled the trigger.

“It’s not real.” Bucky mutters to himself, glancing up to see the TV silently blaring a football game that he has no interest in, but it proves as a worthy distraction for the time being. “It’s not real.”

Remaining seated on the wooden floorboards with a blanket draped over his lap, Bucky glances over to his phone knowing there are two possible options ahead of him.

A sigh ghosts his lips as he stares at the contact list consisting of five names, only one having been used in the last week, well, month.

“James, you’ve got less than ten contacts in this phone and I’m the only person you’ve called all week.” Doctor Raynor sighs once more as she reaches for her notebook, not caring about the look of disdain crossing Bucky’s expression.

“It’s not like I’ve got anyone else to call.” Bucky shrugs it off, hearing her pen pause on the paper.

“Well, you’ve been avoiding messages from Sam for a start,”

“He doesn’t count.” Bucky remarks, hearing another quieter sigh leave her lips.

“Okay, then when was the last time you spoke to her, huh?” She counters, noticing his tense form relax at the mention of you. “Come on, James. If you want to help yourself, you have to keep in touch with those who still care about you.”

“I don’t even know if she does anymore, Doc.” Bucky admits, trying to hold back the sadness in his tone as Raynor closes her notebook.

“You have to try, James.” She reminds him. “Otherwise you’ll never know.”

Swallowing his pride, Bucky presses on the contact and listens as the number rings out. He’s counted the rings endlessly, knowing the hesitation there would be at the other end of the call.

“Hello?” He holds back the desperation clinging to his throat upon hearing someone answer, a loud yawn echoing through the line.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah,” Bucky lowers his head into his metal hand, even if it’s a different arm, it’s still part of the same tormented history. “I, could you come over?” A whisper leaves his lips as silence protrudes. “P,please?”

His ears perk up at the sound of sheets ruffling. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

Before Bucky can say his thanks, the line goes dead and the realisation sinks in; he’s going to see you again.

*

Bucky listens closely, hearing you outside of his apartment. He can hear you knock once softly, and a second time with more confidence.

He knows he should hold back a moment and pretend he hasn’t been hovering beside the front door since you hung up a mere twenty minutes ago, but he can’t help himself.

Unlocking the several locks covering the door, Bucky opens it a sliver, allowing you to slip in.

Keeping your head down, your focus remains on your feet as Bucky closes his front door before turning to you.

“I, I didn’t think you’d come.” Bucky admits quietly, afraid to hear what you have to say in response.

“Well,” You start, now lifting your head up to see him and your sentence falters in your mouth. You can’t deny that he looks worse than you envisioned, even during those late nights and early mornings when he woke up screaming in your arms, he’d never looked so grief-stricken like this.

“Yeah,” Bucky breathes out, following your gaze to his tired eyes, scratches covering his arm from attempting to claw it off in his sleep as sweat still clings to his chest. “it’s not great.”

You scoff under your breath as you follow Bucky through to his small kitchen where he pours you both glasses of water. “That is clearly an understatement.” Accepting the glass, you take the moment to reflect whilst he’s occupied. “How long has this been happening?”

Pausing at the sink, Bucky stares down into his glass of water, remembering the countless nights they attempted to drown him or try shock therapy. And how every time it didn’t work, he remembered it all.

“A while.” He mutters, his grip tightening on the kitchen ledge as his metal hand clenches around the glass, shattering it into the sink.

“James,” You call out, slowly rising from your seat and moving toward him. “I’m right here, you’re here too, alright?”

Standing beside him, you reach out for his hand, easing his grip on the counter until he lets go.

“You’re right here.” You repeat to him as his eyes remain tightly closed, his jaw locked and left hand still clenching the broken glass. “You can let go, Bucky.” The words leave your lips in a whisper as the remainder of the glass drops into the sink, and Bucky turns his body to face yours.

“It wasn’t real,” Bucky tells you weakly. “please tell me it wasn’t real.”

Without thinking twice, you lift your hand to rest it against his cheek and Bucky instantly cradles it with his flesh hand, keeping it in place.

“It wasn’t real, James.” You confidently state as he moves your hand and presses a gentle kiss against it. “Why didn’t you call me sooner?” You sigh as you both remain in the dimly lit kitchen, the only movement from Bucky as he turns the tap off.

“Nothings been the same since Steve,” He can’t help but trail off, knowing he doesn’t have to explain himself around you. “and I just couldn’t face it, not with all that history.”

Stepping backwards, you let your hand slip from his as you lean against the counter, crossing your arms. “But what about the rest of us, Bucky? You just stopped answering, after everything we’ve been through.” You try to keep your voice low, remain calm, but after all this time, it’s difficult to not let your feelings get in the way. “I’ve lost all of you. Sam, Wanda, Peter, Clint, Bruce, Thor and now you too.”

“I’m sorry, doll,” Bucky breathes out. “I never meant to hurt you, I, I’ve been making amends.”

Walking past you, Bucky rummages through his bedside table, revealing the well-worn notebook.

“Was that?” You don’t have to finish your question before Bucky nods, flipping through the pages to a series of names scribbled down.

“These are all the people I wronged or hurt or who were affected by the Winter Soldier.” Bucky explains, holding the book out to you.

He watches closely as your eyes scan over the names, flipping through the pages seeing those crossed out or circled or left untouched. Until you see the last name on the list, yours.

“Y/n, I’m truly sorry for leaving you, for causing you any pain.” Bucky begins to explain as you close the notebook, placing it back on the counter out of sight. “I know I can’t take back what I’ve done, for disappearing for months without warning, but I,” Unable to fight his emotions, Bucky cracks.

You reach out as he curls up to the ground, quiet sobs wracking through his body as you hold him close.

“It’s okay,” You shush him as you fall to a sitting position, Bucky curling his head into your lap once more. “we can talk about this in the morning, okay?”

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Bucky tenses beneath you before sparing you a glance, allowing you to see those blue eyes, the ones you’ve missed falling asleep beside and waking up to, those same blue eyes that hold so much pain you can’t comprehend.

“No,” You whisper, running your fingers through his short hair, missing how the long ends used to feel against your face in the mornings. “I promise, I won’t go.” You lean back against the cabinets as Bucky begins to relax beneath you, his metal arm outstretched whilst his flesh arm remains around your waist, hugging you close.

“This is real, isn’t it?” Bucky sadly asks, looking out toward the dark hallway of his apartment, seeing nothing besides the faint glare of the tv. “I, I’m not dreaming this again am I?”

The thought breaks your heart as you rest your hand on his shoulder, running your fingers along the faint scar that remains etched into his skin.

“It’s real, Bucky.” You tell him, trying to disguise the cry that is lodged in your throat. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Despite your words of comfort, Bucky closes his eyes uneasily, wondering when he’ll wake up from this dream to the painful reality he truly lives in.

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[mauserfrau]

Trivia Tuesday: Sepulchre

Click To Read ~ NSFW ~ Read The Tags

Events leading up to and immediately after the birth of the Calypso Twins: a love story and a story about Leda and Typhon, though I wouldn't call it a love story about Leda and Typhon. Includes Leda backstory, Typhon backstory, ersatz Siren lore, a somewhat unsurprising OC and detailed explanation of "When we were born, our father had to cut him off of me."

Since I know someone who's reading it right now, behold some trivia. And spoilers.

CH1

I'm not 100% sure that's the first time Niven used the sentence that became the epigraph, but it was definitely the most famous. I see it as an epigraph for the whole series, which is why none of the other installments have them.

I linked the music at the start since the story, despite the genre shift, has such a consistent, melancholy mood I thought the playlist would enhance the experience even on random.

Leda's character design is based off of Ren from Pirates of Dark Water. Her eye-color is sampled from Troy's model.

Jean-Michel Sapphir was named after Edward Sapir and the fact I forgot good old Eddy and his linguistic relativism only had one P in a somewhat unsubtle nod to the fact the entire story was influenced by some very very relative linguistics above and beyond the conceits of "Tlon, Uqbar Orbis Tertius" that factor into the narrative.

Cygnus was originally a throwaway line in Satellite, but I figured later if I was going to be continuing the story, I might as well do something with it.

I actually got to like writing Typhon turning this story out and I hate it. More on this later.

The bit with Leda coming around the corner and seeing the poppies is one of my favorite things I've ever written. I have been paid for words not half that good.

A lot of the interpretive terminology Leda uses is from Camille Paglia. Sorry not sorry.

Holophagia is the first fake book referenced in Grimeverse. It comes up again.

I could rant for pages about why I made the decision to attenuate the seasons on Pandora, but LSS, you've seen my pacing. You know I like my everythings drawn out XD.

Literally the only reason there's anything Christian in Grimeverse is so I could talk about Gnosticism.

“ Eppur si muove! ” / “Yes, the sea moves! You got it, Baby!” = I should be hined for that.

Yes, Tyreen having the same musical taste as Typhon is on purpose. I imagine synth jazz is like an 80s Sade album crossed with Drum 'n' Bass.

The prayer in the temple is not just to take up space :X.

~*~

CH2

I had to do a sad Vault Monster. I just had to.

Leda & Typhon had five robots altogether starting out in this universe. I don't know what happened to the fifth one, only that it existed.

Yes, the splash image is Leda looking down at Ever-Flowing's remains.

Why do I keep calling her Ever-Flowing instead of The Leech? The same reason I say "eat" instead of "leech" for Tyreen. I'm getting a completely different reaction from the audience. AHAHAHA LINGUISTIC RELATIVISM AGAIN. Ahem.

Oh, and she looks like Tyreen, if it's not super obvious.

I specifically put all of the banter I could between her and Leda being as this was their only time to talk. Some of it I wrote in after the chapter was done too.

Because I really wasn't planning to have Ever-Flowing be the twin's sire. However, @wataredis talked me into it with so much joy, I just couldn't resist. She's also responsible for Ever-Flowing being the Aspect of Adaptation and a lot of lore in that regard that's come to permeate Grimeverse. She really made the story so much more beautiful with all the fact I can now use the tag 'ersatz Siren lore'. A round of applause, please!

But, yeah. It wasn't the genesis of the story, but a big part of engineering Sepulchre was making sure nothing the audience was told about Leda was true after all (and she's as much of an unreliable narrator as Typhon!): she's not an Atlas researcher, her team wasn't murdered by Bandits, she did not have two children with Typhon DeLeon and her name wasn't Leda. You can actually back hack what it was if you read around the series though.

~*~

CH3

Leda's routine with the blood is based off of a scene in The Book of the Beast by Tanith Lee.

A lot of this chapter was reverse engineered from things I wrote first that happened later: the crops at the homestead, how the twins were born, Leda calling them fish. The middle one was the weirdest to render from Leda's perspective since I originally described the twin's birth purely for shock value. Laying it out that it made contemporary sense... well, there's a reason that scene gets all wiggly. And they have plums because I was hungry for plums one day when I was writing.

The medical specifics are brought to you by @raidbossmadi's enthusiasm. I didn't actually do that much research. Mostly I verified what I knew off hand and hated myself for knowing any of that off hand.

I wasn't actually planning the conversation between Leda and Typhon about what to do with the twins to get so complicated and emotional. Like I said, I got to like writing for Typhon. It's almost later.

I'm not sure Ever-Flowing's daughter's name was Tyreen exactly, but that's what Leda heard. I'm not sure of the son's name, but I refer to her boyfriend/the one-eyed man as Atticus in notes and YES, he became the serpent. I forget who asked me that.

The twins still have the two pointer charms and you can see Troy's in Several Saturnine Lunchtimes At Doctor Black's.

~*~

CH4

This whole chapter is meant to be read to "Sunset Strip" by Veeshy, the song I picked for Typhon and his very particular variety of awful.

OK, so it's my sincerely held personal belief that even despicable characters deserve their 500 words about why they're despicable, so here's Typhon's. I tried to make his trauma commensurate with the crime he nearly commits, not a justification, but an explanation. And that's why it's really terrible. So terrible, it made me love him for a brief, shining instant. I then went back to hating him.

I also tried to shrink the sentences and vocab in this chapter to match with him not being as book smart as Leda, but I'm not sure how successful I was...

Dido's Siren power sounds familiar, maybe? This is comics continuity somewhere under the madness. Dido was awesome to write and I think I might need to show Maya watching a video of her at some point. Hell, maybe I'll throw Typhon in.

He's already been thrown in enough. Yeah, that thing about Sirens having men who die for them is real in Grimeverse. Real in the games too, far as I can see (so what happened to Maya is a cosmic fuckup of epic proportions) (or would be if I was writing that).

The scene with Typhon falling in love with Leda is foreshadowing for the entire series :X. Yes, I have kenning names for every Siren.

The scene that inspired the whole fic was Typhon finding the twins still alive above the bleached line down the valley.

The rock he left them on is the one Tyreen later uses as a lookout and I almost included a flashforward to her doing just that. Her ability to extend herself and Leech whole areas if she's near death is called 'poofing' in my notes because I am five.

~*~

CH5&6

You know, I estimated this fic would be about 5k. It's more than 30k. Umm. Oops.

If the scene with Typhon finding the twins still alive was the first scene I thought of, one of the earliest notes I added around that was Leda being enchanted with her little fish and I loved writing that so much.

I can see why people mitigate Tyreen's scars in their own fic, but that didn't work for me. And then I figured I'd do them all at once, hence the business with her face. (I admit, I also like the explanations that Typhon is somehow responsible or that she earned them herself by... being herself).

But yes, Tyreen did have issues eating from when she was born and none of you should be wondering if this comes up repeatedly.

And the first person she leeched was her mom. Cute?

Ugh, that was too much surgery. Too me forever to slog through that. Looping the story together with the last line was such a relief.

There was a lighter version of the twins coming around and getting their names that I wrote before I got this far for real, but it went in the trash.

Then I had to go and change my mind about the end. Like I said, I almost finished on a scene with toddler twins... that didn't seem like quite the right choice. So I let Ever-Flowing rant for a thousand words.

There you have it: the twins got in the state they were because Ever-Flowing looked at Leda's genes as a gift from Fate and wanted to play with them.

Oh, and the term "Ever-Flowing" is from "Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius". It means "the ocean" in context. Subtle as a brick, I am.

[mechatherium]

What the heck is a Tully Monster, anyway?

Not to be confused with Telly Monster.

An older reconstruction of T. gregarium by Stanton F. Fink. (source)

Last month I wrote a post on Illinois’ State Fossil, the enigmatic Tullimonstrum gregarium. I promised a future post where I planned to explain how an international team of scientists from Texas and the UK finally figured out what branch on the Tree of Life the infamous “Tully Monster” belongs on.

Alas, such is not the case. Let me explain.

Ever since Francis Tully brought the first specimen in to Chicago’s Field Museum of Natural History, paleontologists have tried to discover what sort of animal T. gregarium was. It’s not for lack of material; unlike most fossil organisms, thousands of Tully monsters have been recovered from the Carboniferous Mazon Creek formation in Illinois.

And these creatures are preserved in exquisite detail; Mazon Creek is what is called a Lagerstätte: a rare fossil bed where organisms are so well preserved in fine detail that traces of soft parts are visible. (Other examples include the famous Cambrian-age Burgess Shale in Canada described in loving detail in Steven J. Gould’s Wonderful Life and the Jurassic Solnhofen Limestone in Germany that yielded the stem bird Archaeopteryx lithographica.) Good thing, too, as as Tully monsters have no hard parts—no bones, no shell, no exoskeleton.

Even with this wealth of well-preserved material, paleontologists have had a devil of a time trying to classify tullies as a particular kind of animal; the animal was so specialized in its construction it lacks any obvious features that clearly link it a known animal group. As a result over the years tullies have been classified as chordates (animals with notochords—our group), mollusks, annelids (segmented worms, including earthworms), conodonts (another once-enigmatic fossil group, later identified as chordates), and even a descendant of the stem-arthropod Opabinia.

In what I thought was the final answer to “what the heck are these things?” earlier this decade, two different teams of scientists led by Thomas Clements and Victoria McCoy from the University of Leicester in England made comprehensive studies of Tullimonstrum fossils with the latest tools, including scanning electron microscopes and high-powered particle accelerators.

Clements studied the structure of the tully eye, specifically the structure and arrangement of protective pigment structures called melanosomes in the cells of its retina that preserve very well in Lagerstätte fossils; McCoy took thousands of tully fossils to Argonne National Laboratory to use their  particle accelerators like super-powered CAT scanners, trying to image the animals’ internal structures.

In 2016 they released their results, declaring Tully monsters not just chordates, but vertebrates, jawless fish related to living lampreys.

I thought that would be the end of it. Frank Tully’s mystery solved at last. Alas, science often doesn’t work like that.

Humans, you see, are really good at convincing ourselves of things. We build models in our minds to try to understand how the universe works. The problem comes when those models don’t accurately reflect how the universe actually works. Worse, our minds are wired with a tendency to automatically reject evidence that our models don’t reflect reality.

The beauty of science is it’s a constant testing and re-testing of our models against reality, not just by one lone genius but by many people, many groups—the more, the better. The more and harder our ideas of how the Universe works are tested, the more certain we can be the models that survive are an accurate description of how the world actually works.

When I went to refresh myself on my sources Saturday night I ran across an article that led me to this piece in The Conversation published November 11, 2019: “The mysterious ‘Tully Monster’ fossil just got more mysterious.” Trying to find a link to the scientific paper, I ran across an earlier article in phys.org, “‘Tully monster’ mystery is far from solved, group argues,” published in 2017.

The 2017 article describes a paper in the journal Paleontology (not linked, but here’s a UPenn press release) where a team led by assistant professor Lauran Sallan went through the Clements and McCoy papers and found major flaws in their reasoning.

First, Sallan and her team point out that the Mazon Creek formation was a marine environment, an ancient sea bed. Lagerstätte or no, that has major effects on fossil preservation. “In the marine rocks you just see soft tissues,” she says in the press release, “you don’t see much internal structure preserved.”

Next, they point out there were lampreys living with Tully monsters in that same ecosystem; their fossils are found with the tullies, in the same rock layers. And, according to Sallan, et. al, their fossils don’t look a thing like the tullies’.

Then they point out vertebrates were hardly the only animal group to evolve eyes. Eyes, of whatever level of complexity, are found in about every major animal group. And, according to Sallan, tully eyes weren’t that complex; Sallan’s group asserts Tullimonstrum had a simpler form of eye called a cup eye, like those found in many mollusks, nautiluses, some worms—and some primitive chordates.

If tullies had cup eyes, they could not have been vertebrates, however primitive. All known vertebrates, living and fossil, have complex eyes with lenses; there are some groups that lost their eyes secondarily, like some cave fish, but none have ever simplified the design.

Finally, Sallan points out that if tullies had been vertebrates, McCoy should have found two specific structures found in aquatic vertebrates—and only in vertebrates. The first are otic capsules, structures in the inner ear that provide the sense of balance (we have them; we call them the semicircular canals). The other is a lateral line; a sensory structure found in all fish and many amphibians but lost in land vertebrates. Lampreys have both otic capsules and lateral lines; if Tully monsters were really lamprey relatives, as McCoy asserts, her team should have found them in the thousands of fossils they examined.

The 2019 conversation article was written by paleobiologist Chris Rogers from the University College Cork in Ireland. In it, he describes his own work on comparing the structure and chemistry of tully eyes to those of other animals, both vertebrates and invertebrates. Specifically, he focused on their melanosomes, like Thomas Clements did.

Clements claimed the structure and arrangement of melanosomes in tully eyes was the same as in vertebrates, leading him to put Tullimonstrum among the chordates. Rogers tested that claim with a two-pronged approach. First, he studied and compared melanosome structure and arrangement in living and fossil invertebrates with large, complex eyes, finding that some invertebrates, like cephalopods, had similar melanosome arrangements, and that these can be found in fossils as well.

Rogers concluded the arrangement of melanosomes in Tullimonstrum eyes isn’t enough to prove it was a chordate.

Next, he took a page from McCoy’s book, using high-powered X-ray beams generated by particle accelerators at the California’s Stamford University to analyze the chemical makeup of traces of melanin left in fossil tully eyes.

Rogers’ team analyzed melanin in living animals, finding a slight but consistent chemical difference between vertebrates and invertebrates; we vertebrates have a higher ration of zinc to copper in our melanin than invertebrates do. When they used Stamford’s accelerator to analyze melanin traces in fossils of known vertebrates and invertebrates found at Mazon Creek they found the same difference. When Tullimonstrum fossils were finally put under the X-rays Rogers and his team found the traces of melanin left in their fossils’ eyes was more like that of invertebrates.

Rogers is careful to say that this does not prove the Tully monster was not a vertebrate, merely that Clements’ and McCoy’s analyses aren’t the “smoking gun” the popular science press of the time thought they were.

So the mystery remains, the debates continue, and that’s okay. Because that how science happens. Now Clements and McCoy may go over the data they collected some more and answer the concerns raised by Sallan and Rogers. Maybe Clements can show that tully eyes were built just like those of fish, as opposed to the superficially similar eyes of say, cephalopods. Maybe McCoy will go over the thousands of tully fossil X-rays and find otic capsules and lateral lines—or show that contemporaneous vertebrate fossils don’t preserve those either. Perhaps someone will point out flaws in Sallan and Rogers’ work, I don’t know.

Hopefully, what will happen is as these and other scientists look more and more closely at Tully monster fossils, sooner or later they will find some feature—some anatomical or biochemical clue that will point us toward tully origins, and maybe perhaps some living relatives.

Sorry about the wall of text. I’ll try to make my next posting a bit shorter.

References:

Clements, T., Dolocan, A., Martin, P. et al. The eyes of Tullimonstrum reveal a vertebrate affinity. Nature 532, 500–503 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1038/nature17647

McCoy, V., Saupe, E., Lamsdell, J. et al. The ‘Tully monster’ is a vertebrate. Nature 532, 496–499 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1038/nature16992

Baillie, Katherine Unger. “'Tully Monster' Mystery Is Far From Solved, Penn-Led Group Argues.” Penn Today, University of Pennsylvania, 20 Feb. 2017, https://penntoday.upenn.edu/news/tully-monster-mystery-far-solved-penn-led-group-argues.

Rogers, Chris. “The Mysterious 'Tully Monster' Fossil Just Got More Mysterious.” The Conversation, 11 Nov. 2019, https://theconversation.com/the-mysterious-tully-monster-fossil-just-got-more-mysterious-126531.

[mittensmorgul]

not a strictly spn question, but, as someone who wants to start writing, how the ever-loving fuck do you pump out so many fics so fast?? i’ve been working on outlining the same three stories for like a year (not really) ((but kinda))

Hi there, and congrats on that much outlining! I… don’t outline that much, ever, for anything. But I also don’t think I crank out fics all that fast. It might seem that way sometimes, but the Pinefest fic I posted in February has actually been drafted (and through several rounds of editing) since last August. I only just posted it for Pinefest. So it might seem there was only a month and a half between me writing that and the thing I posted last night, I’ve actually been working on THAT since January… three and a half months for 30k isn’t very fast. :P

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s kinda long, and possibly boring or irrelevant in the big scheme of things…

(I once wrote a 105k word original novel in 15 days, and a friend of mine wrote a 130k novel in just over three days on a deadline, but heck that is atypically fast… and nearly killed them… no really they developed shingles from the stress of it, do not recommend)

So I might be slightly biased here, but at some point you gotta stop outlining and start writing. That’s the secret. You can’t crank out stories unless you actually start writing them.

That said, when I say I don’t outline, I mean I have notes for fic that range from this, for my 8k short:

*soulmate situation described here: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/173681098950/i-saw-a-writing-prompt-that-went-like-this-you Officially written and posted on 11/14/18 as Lost Time.

that’s just a link to a post that inspired the thing, to this, for a 65k fic: 

*NAILED IT! How could I fanfic my way through this baking show? or maybe I should just… write fanfic of this… (notes document: Cakepocalypse notes) (in process as of 4/1/18 as a potential dcbb as Cakepocalypse) (posted 6/23/18)https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017792

(sorry, I removed the link to my notes doc, but what I am willing to show of that:

wherein a lot of those 15 pages consists of images of the cakes in each challenge for my own personal reference while writing.)

Basically the ONLY two fics I’ve ever written an outline for structurally required it:

Cakepocalypse and Around the World in 24 Days, both fics based off “reality show” formats– Cakepocalypse was basically Nailed It!, and AtWi24D is the Amazing Race (and over 101k, based on about 5k worth of very detailed notes I’d be happy to show you if you come off anon). There was no way I could keep track of that many “contestants” and all their challenges, travel, baking, guests, etc. without keeping these sorts of detailed notes.

My previous pinefest fic, Winchester 275, was a 57k AU based on a two sentence thing that had been sitting on my to be written list for YEARS:

*(writing for pinefest, working title of Winchester 275 as of 8/29/17, draft finished 11/29/17, posted 3/6/18 http://archiveofourown.org/works/13788693) astronomy night at a dude ranch in arizona, Cas brings the telescope, dean only sees the stars in his eyes oh god did i actually write that down? yes. yes i did.

And my first DCBB, Revenge of the Subtext, was 80k based on a one sentence prompt: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/130269813965/meangreenlimabean-mittensmorgul.

So if your fic doesn’t NEED you to make such detailed notes, just start writing already. :D

When I first started writing (loooong before I ever started writing fic), some of my encouraging friends told me some interesting stories. We got to talking about how annoying it was that so many people respond to someone saying they write with, “Oh, I’ve been thinking about writing a novel for years,” or something else along those lines. My friend told me she knew a guy who had been outlining his novel for more than a decade, but never seemed to be able to get it quite right so that he felt he could start writing. With that sort of attitude, he probably never will, you know?

You will never have a “perfect” outline. Just like you’ll never have a “perfect first draft.” You have to have a draft to be able to edit it, you know? Can’t edit a blank page, and an outline can only take you so far before it becomes so fleshed out that it ceases to be an outline and looks more like a first draft.

So set a writing goal for yourself. Shoot for easy to start with, and then you can tweak the goal as you fall into the habit. Say, 200 words a day. Or 1000 words a week (because in all honesty you might miss a day here and there, and you shouldn’t get down on yourself for that, either). I personally shoot for 1000 words on days when I write, but I’ve been doing this for more than a decade now. I don’t always make it, but sometimes I double that, or quintuple it, or more. And I have scheduled days off (Supernatural nights when new episodes air, and usually the day after, and Monday night when I play pub trivia and it’s Mr. Mittens’ night off work). But outside of those days, barring extreme exhaustion or illness, I try to write at least 1000 words a night.

Being that I’m not an outliner, I feel I need to say that I always know the whole story before I start writing. It’s all up inside my head, running like a film that I “transcribe” into a fic. So even if I don’t have a written, bullet-pointed list of plot points and emotional beats, I do have the “finished product” looping through my head continuously until I transcribe it all. I know that’s not actually useful writing advice for most people, and I have no idea if this is how anyone else approaches writing, but it’s how it works for me. Minor details may only show up while I’m writing, but the whole story is already there.

This is why I never, ever post incomplete, wip fic. I am a compulsive editor, mostly because I don’t create detailed outlines before I start, and for the sake of continuity, editing is my friend. Can’t go back to insert a reference into chapter 3 that will become important by chapter 14 if you posted chapter 3 half a year ago, you know? Your readers are not gonna go back and reread your updates when you remember that Important Detail never actually made it onto the page in the exact way you needed it to way back when. :P

Now, an outliner MAY have picked that detail up and inserted it before they ever started writing, but one thing folks might not understand until they actually start writing: Actually writing the thing out, making it flesh and letting it breathe, will inherently change your two-dimensional outline. I’m not saying that your plot will derail itself, but only once you begin bringing the story to life, begin living on the page through the characters, will you begin to feel them as living beings, and can really begin to understand them and make them feel real to readers. No outline can do this, and will always fall short of feeling “good enough” for this reason.

(sorry, a lot of how I feel about writing sounds slightly unhinged when I try to talk about it, so please remember that the first original novel I wrote was based on a recurring nightmare I had after a psychotic break, which I literally wrote as therapy to banish the Bad Thoughts. Yes, it worked. Yes, that’s why I still write this way more than a decade later.)

But this is where you’ll begin to fill in the “gaps” inherent in any outline. Personality quirks, inside jokes between characters, feeling their feelings and translating that to the page. But also picking up all the dangling threads like repeating themes and emotional triggers.

I think I’ve gone way far off the path here…

Basically, pick one of your outlines. Decide you’re gonna start writing it. Then start writing it. It’s that simple, and that seemingly impossible. Write one sentence. Then write another. Then write lots more.

Good luck! I know it’s terrifying. I’m terrified every time I pick a new fic idea to write and stare at that blank document. But I stare it down, give a hearty pterodactyl screech, and dive bomb the keyboard. It’s really the only way to do it.

It’s worked pretty well for me so far. :P

[josephpauldigitalagency]

4 FREE Ways for Spying On Your Competition’s SEO

It doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated to get started on an SEO journey.

Not knowing where to start is a normal feeling to have, and a lot of times can put you off from starting.

For starters, you have competition who likely motivated you to begin taking SEO seriously.

That means they have a head start on you.

Don’t worry – that’s excellent news.

Having competition who had a head start with SEO makes your life easier.

You should send them a thank you card for making your life easier. All you need to do now is emulate and improve on their strategy.

It’s easy to do once you have the right tools, and you know what to look for.

For our SEO Services, we use tools like ahrefs and SEMrush, which both start at $99 a month, and we pay way more than that.

We have to afford to do that because SEO and content marketing is what we do.

You don’t have to break the bank upfront to begin your SEO strategy. You can get started for free.

We’re going to explore how you can leverage free tools to look at your competitor’s strategy on each of these fronts:

What Keywords They Rank For

What Content Is Working Best

What Search Terms Are Profitable

How Often They Post

What Titles You Should Use

If you were going to try to figure this out all on your own, you would be reading a handful of SEO guides and would likely be persuaded to buy unnecessary tools.

You would be getting conflicting advice and self-serving recommendations.

I was there when I was first learning, and I have to admit I likely lined someone else’s pockets because they pushed a tool that I didn’t need (yet).

I don’t want you to waste time or money I did.

That’s why I’ve created this guide to uncovering your competition’s SEO strategy with free tools.

#1: WordPress SiteMap

According to Whois Hosting This, 455,000,000 self-hosted websites are on the WordPress platform.

Odds are your competitor’s website is on WordPress also. Of those websites, they’re likely one of the 7,412,434 sites using the Yoast plugin.

What you can take advantage of is that Yoast has the same URL structure for every sitemap.

A sitemap is a blueprint that shows Google crawlers, where every page on your website is to help Google crawl your site faster.

We take advantage of this by quickly uncovering pages and categories a website uses.

The way to get to a website’s site map is to type in their domain like this:

competitor.com/sitemap.xml

You should see something like this come up next:

Looking at a sitemap could get overwhelming for a large website, but for smaller or local sites, it’s a great way to uncover service location pages.

#2 Ubersuggest

I cannot speak highly enough about UberSuggest. UberSuggest is the tool I wish I had when I first began my SEO and Content Marketing Journey.

Before UberSuggest, I had to pay for tools like ahrefs and SEMrush (when I couldn’t afford it) and scraped by to get access.

Neil Patel put together a tool that’s 100% free to use and gives the services above a run for their money.

In case you don’t know, Neil is one of the world’s leading SEO/Content Marketers.

I learned the majority of my content marketing and SEO techniques by working directly with Neil and his team.

Some of the advice here actually comes straight from him (sorry, Niel :-P).

Ok, let’s get into the nuts and bolts of how to use UberSuggest to it’s fullest.

Steal your competition’s keywords

Take your competitor’s URL and paste it into the search bar on the screen.

The first thing you’re going to see is your competitor’s SEO stats like traffic, keywords, domain score, and backlinks.

Click on top pages to see what content is performing the best for them.

Once the page loads, click on view all under the Estimated Visits column, and now you’ve uncovered all of the keywords that page is showing up for in Google.

Now you can go through their best pages and start to place them into your keyword research document.

Now create content that targets these keywords and create something better than what your competition created.

Steal their backlinks

Backlinks are when a website cites your website for information. Think of it as a vote for your content.

These votes get tallied by Google to establish how trustworthy your website is.

Not all votes are created equal, though. The more relevant the citating website is to your niche, the more influential the vote.

How are you supposed to find relevant websites out of the 1.74 billion sites that exist on the internet, according to Web Hosting Rating?

That’s easy, under the backlinks column on the same screen, press View All and it provides you with a list of everyone who’s linked to the content.

You know the keywords already, and you’ve created content that is better than their content.

It’s time to approach the websites which are linking to your competitor and say something along the lines of:

“Hey, Website Owner – I noticed you are linking to an outdated blog post about XYZ. I recently expanded and updated that topic to be more current, and I think your visitors will appreciate the most up to date info.”

On the surface, this might not sound that exciting, but consider this.

Your competitor didn’t know who would link to them and likely reached out to 100’s of people to get those links.

They’ve done the hard work for you by finding these websites interested in the blog post.

If your content is better, up to date, and expanded, they have no reason not to link to you.

You’ve now successfully stolen a link from your competitor.

 It’s time to approach the websites which are linking to your competitor and say something along the lines of:

“Hey, Website Owner – I noticed you are linking to an outdated blog post about XYZ. I recently expanded and updated that topic to be more current, and I think your visitors will appreciate the most up to date info.”

On the surface, this might not sound that exciting, but consider this.

Your competitor didn’t know who would link to them and likely reached out to 100’s of people to get those links.

They’ve done the hard work for you by finding these websites interested in the blog post.

If your content is better, up to date, and expanded, they have no reason not to link to you.

You’ve now successfully stolen a link from your competitor.

#3 Screaming Frog

This next trick will show you which pages are most important to your competitor.

We are going to use a program called Screaming Frog.

Screaming Frog is a software that crawls your website or your competitors in this case and gives you a bunch of information.

When you first see the information, it can be overwhelming because you likely won’t know what most of it means.

That’s ok because we want to gather the purposeful information.

In this case, the purposeful information we are looking for is what pages matter most to your competition.

Download Screaming Frog to your computer then launch and type in your competitor’s URL:

Go to the filter button and select HTML. Scroll to the right until you find the column “InLinks” and sort it from highest to lowest.

At the top of the list will be the pages that your competitors internally link to the most.

Think of your competitor’s site as if it were a museum or amusement park. Once you get in, you can’t get out without going through the gift shop first, where you might spend some money.

The concept is the same when it comes to websites. Your competition is going to do their best to guide their visitors to the pages where they can pitch their products.

Once you uncover these pages, you can see what their offer is and how they’re making the offer. From there, you can emulate their layout, sales angle, and calls to action.

#4 Google

How many times have you heard, “Google it?”

According to Hubspot, they estimate Google handles 5.8 BILLION searches a day.

Odds are you’ve likely heard the phrase once or twice a week. Well, keeping up with your competition is not different.

What we are going to show you is how often your competitor is creating content for their website.

Most people don’t know this, but You can dictate how Google performs your searches with special commands.

Here’s how you do it:

First type into Google’s search box, your competitor’s URL with “site:” in front of it.

The command told Google you want to limit all the results to your competitor’s domain only.

Once the results come up, under the search bar, you can to click on the tools button.

Once you’ve done that, you’ll see two more buttons appear, “Any Time” and “All Results.”

This shows you the amount of effort your competition is putting into SEO by how frequently they’re posting to their website.

From here, you have a few choices.

You can decide if you want to match, exceed, or do a little less than what your competition is doing.

There is no right answer here because, ultimately, frequency, along with quality, and many more factors play into Google rankings.

If you have the resources to meet or increase the frequency of your competition’s production rate, I would suggest it.

If you cannot, don’t sweat it. Just make sure you remain consistent and provide quality content.

#5 Ngram Analyzer

Ngram analyzer is an online analyzer that helps you take a handful of titles and find patterns.

What it does is it looks through the titles, and you ask it find strings of words that often go together.

Ngram Analyzer will provide you with is an idea of what type of content your competition is creating and how they are titling their content.

With the help of UberSuggest, we can export all of the top pieces of content to excel.

Copy all the titles from Excel and paste them into Ngram Analyzer.

I first start very narrow and use 4grams, which is a string of four words that are together more than once.

You should see results like this, which are terms and the number of times they show together.

In this example, you can see phrases like “is transportation and logistics” and “transportation and logistics management” are important to them because they string them together a lot.

You can go further by broadening the criteria to 3gram and 2gram to see if you can gain any more insights.

You should see results like this, which are terms and the number of times they show together.

Conclusion

You may not be an expert in SEO, and that’s ok because you don’t have to be to develop a decent strategy.

If you know how to spy on your competitors for free, you can see what’s working for them.

Use the free tools we mentioned above, along with my strategies, and you’ll quickly uncover what they are doing right.

The post 4 FREE Ways for Spying On Your Competition’s SEO appeared first on Joseph Paul Digital Agency.

[trashbrigade]

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

The Best Way to Get Pregnant for the 10th Time: A Gishwhes Essay by Team Trashbrigade.

Getting pregnant for the tenth time is obviously a highly admirable and esteemed endeavor. However, there are many precautions that must be taken in order to ensure that it is done safely. This is not something to be taken lightly by any means and requires both strong commitment and a dedication to best practices.

Getting knocked up is, of course, a most memorable occasion. Whether because this moment is exactly what you’ve always wanted or because it is hands down the most horrifying experience of your entire life, there’s no doubt that it will be a red letter day on your calendar.

It goes without saying that you will want to prepare yourself before getting pregnant no matter whether it’s your first attempt or any subsequent one. While the first nine times are wonderful, there’s just something extra special about the tenth time. Maybe because it’s double digits; that’s always exciting.  To make this tenth time as magical as it can be, you need to devote some time and energy to doing it as effectively as possible. This means getting yourself ready in all ways that one can prepare: Physically, mentally (sometimes known as emotionally), and, of course, adverbally.

Let’s focus in on one of these to begin with and talk about physical preparation for a bit. Your body is a temple. Also a synagogue. Not to mention a mosque. Most definitely a church. Sometimes even a cathedral, depending on the time of the month. Because of that, you must treat it with both care and reverence. What does that look like? Let’s start with nutrition. Nutrition refers to all of the food items you put into your body. These food items come in a number of categories such as healthy, somewhat healthy, less healthy than that, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. For optimal pregnancy achieving, you should try to limit yourself to Kentucky Fried Chicken to maybe six times a week. To shake things up a bit, consider adding in Taco Bell on the seventh day. Similar to the way that God created human on the 7th day, you yourself are looking to create life, so you may find an excellent choice to be a Gordita which is shaped and stuffed like a taco, similar to the way you’ll be wanting to…never mind. Helpful hint for someone like you looking at your tenth time being pregnant: If you’re hoping for twins, a Doubledilla is the obvious choice.       

Next, let us examine drinks which fall under the category of nutrition as they are a subset of things you can put in your mouth. Drinks have the added benefit of not needing teeth, unless, of course, you make the dire mistake of choosing bubble tea. If you aren’t familiar with bubble tea, it is a vile substance that was clearly created by Satan himself. Imagine this: It’s a hot day. You’re tired. You’ve been working up a sweat trying to conceive…of what to have for dinner. So, you think to yourself, “Self, I could really go for a cool, refreshing sweet treat.” Suddenly you see it: a sign for bubble tea! “I love tea,” you think to yourself. “Also bubbles! Although I’m not sure why the two are combined on this sign. Hey, maybe the tea is somehow carbonated! That sounds super refreshing! Count me in!”

By now you are nodding your head excitedly because you are practically guaranteed the most delicious treat of your life. Also, you seem a little revved up already because those were an awful lot of exclamation points, so maybe try the decaf. Pro tip: when you have bun number ten in the over, which is precisely what this essay is about, you will be glad that you took the time to switch over to decaffeinated beverages.

Ok, so. Bubble tea. Oh, right. So, you’ll order yourself a nice big glass of it and maybe the friendly bubble tea employee will say something friendly like “How about extra boba?” and you’ll open your eyes wide and agree because even though you might not know what boba is, you’re quite sure that “extra” is always a good thing. Plus, the friendly bubble tea employee bears a slight resemblance to well-known CW actor Misha Collins and for some reason you feel like whatever he suggests you should simply do, without bothering to question why first.

And now, after a pregnant pause (did you see what I did there? Did you?) during which he makes your drink, the bubble tea is handed to you. With a wink of his startlingly blue eyes, he passes it over and you have to actively stop yourself from smiling broadly so that you can take that first sip. Ahhh, bliss! Cold and sweet and creamy and WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. You choke and sputter and gag. Something gloppy and slimy has suddenly entered your mouth and, as you know from already having been pregnant nine times, that is not going to help you with number ten. Too polite to spit it on the floor, since the handsome fellow is still watching you, you gag it down, trying hard not to think about how utterly consistent in texture that tapioca ball is with a glob of mucous. Like, probably the exact same consistency as a mucous plug, a thing with  which you are no doubt intimately familiar by now. That’s what’s in your mouth. That’s what you paid your hard earned money for. Money that could be used for prenatal vitamins which are vitally important and should be taken before and during each and every pregnancy whether it’s your first or your tenth.

Nutshell: hydration is important but bubble tea is a last resort.

Next on our list is preparing oneself emotionally. Proper mindset for pregnancy is one of those things they don’t always teach you about in all of those books you’ve no doubt bought and read with a horrified look on your face. (I still remember the book I read during my first pregnancy when I was feeling the need to hoover up every bit of food in a tri-county are. It suggested snacking on “a healthy oatmeal cookie”. Please note the use of the word “a”. As in a single, solitary oatmeal cookie. Like that was going to do the trick. I set fire to that book and used it to toast marshmallows for s’mores.)

If this is your tenth time being pregnant, you are well familiar with the emotional highs and lows inherent in all phases of this process. You know that you’ll be tired and elated and nauseated and glowing and irritable and weepy and hopeful and invigorated, sometimes all within the span of five to seven minutes. There is no avoiding any of this so really, the main thing to do is make sure that you are in a completely self-centered mindset. This tenth time being pregnant is all about YOU.  To ensure that, there is a no-fail way to prepare and that is by giving yourself everything your little heart desires. Examples? I’ve got plenty of them! Invest in a comfy recliner to rest your weary bones and put up your aching feet. Splurge on a new piece of jewelry that makes you feel special and attractive. Don’t tolerate things that make you feel frustrated or unappreciated. Want to be next in line for the gas pump? Lay on your horn until the cars in front of you move. Tired of waiting in line for that (calcium heavy, decaf) drink at Starbucks? Start swinging your purse around your head like a lasso until people clear out. Have you had it with those people who just STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF TRADER JOES AND BLOCK THE ENTIRE AISLE WITH THEIR CARTS? Grip your cart handle tightly, take a few steps backwards to build up some momentum, and then RAM them out of your way with your grocery cart. In this way, you and your cart have developed a symbiotic relationship and this is extremely good practice emotionally for you as you prepare to have a bat in your cave for the tenth time.

As a review, the two we’ve discussed thus far are physical preparedness and emotional preparedness which is also sometimes known as mental preparedness. Now, sometimes it’s best to find situations where you can combine all of these areas of preparation. Let’s look at the following scenario: You and your significant other go out for a nice dinner. Maybe it’s Indian food. Maybe you order one of those nice big meals that come thali style so you got pickles and daal and rice and raita and maybe even a little bit of soup along with your entrée. That’s a lot of food, but that’s ok because soon you will have a pea in the pod for the tenth time and you need to practice eating for as many people as you can get away with.

But sometimes what happens in these situations is that you forget exactly how much food comes with those thali dishes and you decide that what you really need is an order of samosas as well. Because they’re so crisp and delicious and even though you burn the roof of your mouth on the steaming hot filling every single time no matter how often you tell yourself that THIS TIME you’re totally going to wait until they cool down a bit first, they were going to complete your meal in a way that nothing else could. But you’re not pregnant yet, so you wisely decide to hold back a samosa to take home for tomorrow because that’s just good planning and by God, if there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s planning. So, into the refrigerator it goes, happily tucked into its own little Styrofoam container, nestled down to wait for you silently until morning. You’ve even labelled the container with your name. In block letters. In Sharpie.

You go to bed dreaming not only of your upcoming tenth pregnancy but of that delicious morsel awaiting you the next day. When that new day dawns, you rise with the sun and pitter patter down the stairs. The day is filled with excitement and potential! Maybe this is the day you become pregnant for the tenth time! With a smile on your face, you pull open the refrigerator to find….your samosa is gone. GONE. Even though your NAME was on it. In SHARPIE. Now, this should never be an issue in the first place. Because, as it is written in the Commandments of All Things That Are Holy, leftovers belong to the person who ordered them until they are given with express permission to others. Furthermore, once you begin messing with leftovers that are actually LABELLED you are pretty much taking your life in your hands.

And this is where the physical readiness comes into play. As a reaction to this absolutely sickening travesty of justice, you are now able to engage in some fantastic cardiovascular activity when you stomp back upstairs and confront your significant other. Make sure to keep your core tight as your march, swinging your arms forcefully for an additional upper body workout. Each step is an opportunity to tone those quads and strengthen your hamstrings. Once you are face to face with your significant other, be sure to focus on each individual muscle group, flexing and tightening as you engage in each angry gesture. If your energy begins to flag, remember your outrage! You have been wronged! Your sacred property has been usurped by an unabashed leftover-eating rapscallion. Let the fury flow through you until you are red-faced and sweating. Let your heart rate ascend to aerobic levels, as your body becomes more efficient at absorbing and transporting oxygen throughout.

When all is said and done, one thing is abundantly clear: Getting pregnant for the tenth time is definitely not happening tonight.  

[woohooligancomics]

Sam Roasts the AMA!

No, not the American Music Awards, they rock! Or don't... I think it depends on your category. Anyway, in case you don't know, AMA means "Ask Me Anything". It's a kind of group-interview where questions come from a peanut gallery instead of an individual interviewer. I created an AMA on AMAFeed.com today and then immediately after creating it, I needed help with it, which wasn't forthcoming. There's no help link on the site, no forum, just an FAQ and a contact form, which is kinda weird. (I did later discover a reference to a support email address.)

So since there wasn't any way to revise the details of my AMA or correct any of the mistakes I'd made, I submitted the following on their contact form:

Hey there. So, I signed up today and created my first AMA here:

https://comicsama.com/sam-dealey-roasts-himself-an-ama-on-comedy-comics-and-why-laughter-is-a-467977/

It's pretty obvious from the description of the AMA that mistakes were made! :P However, there appears to be no way for me to correct those mistakes, including even any way to cancel the AMA and start over. Does AMA Feed intend to cater to a group of perfect, error-proof extraterrestial supercomputers? Or perhaps to nihilistic philosophers who believe that the mistakes of our past must be preserved as a reminder of the meaninglessness of existence?

Thanks,

Sam "the Snark" Dealey

p.s. If the answer here is any of

silence

"we'll correct those mistakes for you this once"

just create a new one

then you don't know how to do your job and I'll just pass on having an AMA with you, including this one I've already created.

It wasn't until after I had sent this message to them that I noticed this ridiculousness in their terms of service.

License

Unless otherwise stated, AMAFEED LLC and/or it’s licensors own the intellectual property rights for all material on AMAFEED LLC All intellectual property rights are reserved. You may view and/or print pages from https://amafeed.com/ for your own personal use subject to restrictions set in these terms and conditions.

You want me to hold an AMA on your site, but you reserve exclusive copyright to all my answers? Right, because AMAFeed.com is a business and you're hoping that you can make money off of the AMAs you've hosted in the future. There aren't ads on the site... yet. But then you expressly state in your FAQ that we're not allowed to create AMAs that are "veiled attempts to solicit money." Mixed Messaged much? If you have no intention of making money from these, why try to claim exclusive copyright to the content? "We're just here for the sole benefit of the public, we have no concern for our personal interests. We just want total control over whatever you're going to say, without paying you for it, to make sure everyone else gets a chance to hear it!"

But it doesn't really matter that you've said we can't solicit money, because while your FAQ says we can't do that, your Terms of Service say nothing about it! Nor does your ToS say anything about you having the right to remove that content (although you do anyway). So technically, you've given us no legal obligation there, Sherlock.

Also... you know that facts can't be copyrighted, right? In all likelihood most of the answers I'm going to give you can't have any legal control over because they'll be facts. Like when someone asks "what's your favorite pie" and I answer "the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter." Or when I answer "nine inches" to "how big is... a personal pan pizza." There might be some flair in the way I express them, but they're still facts, they can't be copyrighted. Might not be a bad idea to keep an eye on Twitter's legal battle over content rights as well.

You must not:

Republish material from https://amafeed.com/

Sell, rent or sub-license material from https://amafeed.com/

Reproduce, duplicate or copy material from https://amafeed.com/

Ooops! Too late. Come and get me. I wish you luck in your futile attempts to sue.

Redistribute content from AMAFEED LLC (unless content is specifically made for redistribution).

Need I even mention that you didn't get this into your bullet list? If proofreading a legal document isn't high on the priorities list, was legal advice for a legal document on that list?

... <removed "User Comments" section> ...

Hyperlinking to our Content

The following organizations may link to our Web site without prior written approval:

Government agencies;

Search engines;

News organizations;

Online directory distributors when they list us in the directory may link to our Web site in the same manner as they hyperlink to the Web sites of other listed businesses; and

Systemwide Accredited Businesses except soliciting non-profit organizations, charity shopping malls, and charity fundraising groups which may not hyperlink to our Web site.

You forgot "private citizens" and "any other kind of organization". D'oh! What on earth makes you think you get to control who LINKS to you? Do you get that privilege offline? "No, sorry, only Jeff is allowed to tell people where our store is located. Isn't that right Jeff? He's good at keeping secrets, I'm sure our rocket-launcher store will be in business for a long time, as long as Jeff is in charge!"

These organizations may link to our home page, to publications or to other Web site information so long as the link: (a) is not in any way misleading; (b) does not falsely imply sponsorship, endorsement or approval of the linking party and its products or services; and (c) fits within the context of the linking party's site.

Whew! Well, I sure am glad these links fit within the context of my roast! Wait... why did we start over at 1 again? Did you forget how to internet or did you forget how to outline? If you have a 1, you have to have a 2 following it, that's how these things work.

We may consider and approve in our sole discretion other link requests from the following types of organizations:

commonly-known consumer and/or business information sources such as Chambers of Commerce, American Automobile Association, AARP and Consumers Union;

dot.com community sites;

associations or other groups representing charities, including charity giving sites, online directory distributors;

internet portals;

accounting, law and consulting firms whose primary clients are businesses; and

educational institutions and trade associations.

My site is educational, I should have no problem. ;) At least we finally got to 2.

We will approve link requests from these organizations if we determine that: (a) the link would not reflect unfavorably on us or our accredited businesses (for example, trade associations or other organizations representing inherently suspect types of business, such as work-at-home opportunities, shall not be allowed to link); (b)the organization does not have an unsatisfactory record with us; (c) the benefit to us from the visibility associated with the hyperlink outweighs the absence of AMAFEED LLC; and (d) where the link is in the context of general resource information or is otherwise consistent with editorial content in a newsletter or similar product furthering the mission of the organization.

Look, you can put whatever you want in a contract. Your contract can say that only people with blue skin are allowed to link to you if you want, but that's not going to make a court uphold your desire to only let Andorians, Na'vi, Smurfs and two characters from the X-Men movies link to you. Nor will it protect you from bad press like this. That's just fact. Sue me, I could use the publicity. Also, "the benefit to us from the visibility associated with the hyperlink outweighs the absence of AMAFEED LLC;" ... I dunno, I think the absence of sentence structure is more disturbing.

These organizations may link to our home page, to publications or to other Web site information so long as the link: (a) is not in any way misleading; (b) does not falsely imply sponsorship, endorsement or approval of the linking party and it products or services; and (c) fits within the context of the linking party's site.

Did you just stroke out in the middle of writing your ToS or did you intend to write two similar but subtly distinct versions of the this paragraph?

If you are among the organizations listed in paragraph 2 above and are interested in linking to our website, you must notify us by sending an e-mail to TOS. Please include your name, your organization name, contact information (such as a phone number and/or e-mail address) as well as the URL of your site, a list of any URLs from which you intend to link to our Web site, and a list of the URL(s) on our site to which you would like to link. Allow 2-3 weeks for a response.

Wait, are we talking about the actual paragraph 2 or the second paragraph 1?

Approved organizations may hyperlink to our Web site as follows:

By use of our corporate name; or

By use of the uniform resource locator (Web address) being linked to; or

By use of any other description of our Web site or material being linked to that makes sense within the context and format of content on the linking party's site.

Wait... using the name of someone's company counts as a link?! All this time, I thought it required use of HTML! Well... I guess 20 years in the software engineering industry can only get me so far.... Oh, wait, you meant the content WITHIN the link! Gotcha! Ah, well, I think in this context Truck Nuts might be the most appropriate label. That makes as much sense as this ToS.

Reservation of Rights

We reserve the right at any time and in its sole discretion to request that you remove all links or any particular link to our Web site. You agree to immediately remove all links to our Web site upon such request. We also reserve the right to amend these terms and conditions and its linking policy at any time. By continuing to link to our Web site, you agree to be bound to and abide by these linking terms and conditions.

"By continuing to link... you agree to be bound"... that's a little presumptuous. How do you know I'm into bondage?

Removal of links from our website

If you find any link on our Web site or any linked web site objectionable for any reason, you may contact us about this. We will consider requests to remove links but will have no obligation to do so or to respond directly to you.

Our demands for link removal must be met IMMEDIATELY and without question! Your demands for link removal will go on our pile for review. Don't be surprised if we tell you to talk to the hand because the face ain't listenin'.

Whilst we endeavour to ensure that the information on this website is correct, we do not warrant its completeness or accuracy; nor do we commit to ensuring that the website remains available or that the material on the website is kept up to date.

In particular, we do not warrant that this ToS will contain English sentence structures or bear any resemblance to any existing legal precedent. THE AMAFEED HAS SPOKEN!

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To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, we exclude all representations, warranties and conditions relating to our website and the use of this website (including, without limitation, any warranties implied by law in respect of satisfactory quality, fitness for purpose and/or the use of reasonable care and skill).

... up to and including any reasonable care or skill not used in the creation of the legal document you're currently reading.

Nothing in this disclaimer will:

limit or exclude our or your liability for death or personal injury resulting from negligence;

limit or exclude our or your liability for fraud or fraudulent misrepresentation;

limit any of our or your liabilities in any way that is not permitted under applicable law; or

exclude any of our or your liabilities that may not be excluded under applicable law.

Are you just stating the obvious, or did you think it was actually necessary to state that this contract can't break the law? "Be it known that this contract shall not permit extortion, robbery or murder! Furthermore, in the state of Alabama... do you have some place to be? This might take a while..."

To the extent that the website and the information and services on the website are provided free of charge, we will not be liable for any loss or damage of any nature.

Speaking of which, if you are planning to sue me for linking to you, I'd like to direct you to my site's Terms of Service, which plainly state that, since my roasting services here are provided free of charge, I will not be liable for any loss or damage of any nature.

So, given that I'm publishing this roast of their ToS which seems a bit hypocritical and overly handsy with their demands that we not speak negatively about the AMA Feed, it seems unlikely they'll let me host any AMAs with them now. Not that I'm complaining too much. I thought it could be a fun way to talk with some folks, but they're certainly not the only way to hold an AMA. If you have a recommendation for a place to hold an AMA (I know reddit is an option), leave a comment. Or if you think Reddit's the best place, leave that comment too.

I'll be publshing my Laughtifesto this week, explaining why I say Laughter is a Moral Imperative. :D If you'd like to keep up with my comedy, subscribe to the mailing list on our site or you can follow our Patreon, with or without pledging. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Don't let your racist uncles get you down. ;P

Update! Nov 21, 2017

So it turns out that the folks at AMA Feed are actually pretty nice people. They replied to me right away (though to be fair, I'm pretty sure they haven't seen this roast yet, and I haven't mentioned it to them). So we'll see. Maybe the'll have a good sense of humor about this too, or maybe they'll can my AMA before it starts in March. :P

Hello Samuel

Thank you for getting in touch and I am pleased to say there is a way to edit AMAs. When designing the UI we went for minimalistic and I guess one could argue we have gone over the top, hey. To edit your AMA https://comicsama.com/sam-dealey-roasts-himself-an-ama-on-comedy-comics-and-why-laughter-is-a-467977/ make sure you are logged in with the account you created it (it is a common mistake I've noticed to try edit an AMA when not logged in or logged into another account), then click the 3 dots next to the countdown and you will see a drop down with options, edit is there.

Hope that helps, let me know how you get on.

P.S. Maybe 100 days is a tad too long?:)

Best

--

Tatiana Bonneau

*Marketing Director*

*AMAfeed*

So props to Tatiana for being a good sport! I think she handled my snarky comment form beautifully, and fast.

I suspect they have some kind of bug in their software. And I told Tatiana, I had actually already tried those dots, immediately after creating the AMA, so I assume I was still logged in with the same account, given that only a second or two had elapsed. At the time, the only item in that menu was "report" (for content that violates their terms). That seemed a bit odd in itself that the menu ony had one entry.

Yes, the 100 days is a bit long. :P I set the date out a ways to get us past the holidays and to be about the time of our Kickstarter. I'm not certain actually if the date will stay on the 1st of March or if I'll change it to another day that week, but it gives me about a month after my first endocrinologist appointment. I'm hoping that by then the blood-sugar roller coaster I've been on will be a little better as it's been draining a lot of my time in recent months and a lot of my work has been behind schedule due to that and other errands and doctor appointments. Plus, we've got holidays between now and then.

[drewxmay]

Contestshipping Review - Part Thirteen - On Cloud Arcanine

Previous

Next

Index

-The Title-

another Pokemon pun, this one is based off of "On Cloud Nine" which is an expression for meaning you are happy

I guess?

but this has nothing to do with the episode... there is an Arcanine but...

-Episode Link-

Back to the original YouTuber I always link, oddly enough the first result when I looked up the episode what actually this person's upload but it was played two times... but this one is better because they didn't play it twice and they are the original thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY5FgPAXv3c

-The Review-

EXPOSITION

MAY AND ASH LOST THE THING THEY DID NOW AT NEW REGION TYPE THING I THINK IT'S KANTO BUT NOT SURE ANYWAYS THEY ARE IN NEW REGION NOT HEONN MAY NEEDS MORE RIBBONS BECAUSE SHE HAS ZERO AGAIN

That will be the only time I explain other episodes :P

0:00

So the narrator explains that Ash needs to go to his next place to get the thing he needs but now they are stopping at a bakery in the middle of the forest.

Why is there a bakery in the middle of the forest with no towns anywhere near them?

Also why are no many people out in the middle of the woods to go to this one bakery instead of the many others that are just as good and are not in the middle of the forest?

i am very bothered by this bakery.

0:18

Ash: These cakes better be worth it.

May: Oh they will! The guidebook says that they are the best ones around!

Then why don't they relocate to the city becuase of how much a hassle it is to get there in the first place???

0:20

Arcanine: :makes sound just to get into the episode and for no other reason:

Ash: An Arcanine!

Pokedex: ARCANINE, THE LEGENDARY POKEMON

And now you need no more proof then that that Arcanine was originally going to be a legendary Pokemon.

0:40

This time the theme song only has a bit taken out and not the whole thing so that I can feel happy!

Skip to 1:17 to not hear it.

1:20

Arcanine: :JUMPS OVER EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE LINE:

:LIKE NOT JUST OVER ONE PERSON BUT LIKE ACROSS EVERYBODY:

:LIKE THAT:

And now May wants the all to extremely powerful Arcanine.

EVERYBODY should want it.

1:38

And so Drew also wants to catch it. He seems to be running after it now.

Why is he running alongside Flygon instead of riding it to actually have some chance of catching up to her?

(Spoilers the Archanine is a girl)

1:45

So then Drew's Flygon tries using Flamethrower on Archanine

even though it is fire type and that probably won't d much damage but it would be better that using one of Flygon's grass-moves so I can't blame him too much.

Wait no Flygon has a lot of attacks that could work, like Sandstorm and Steel Wing. like I think those would work better than Flamethrower.

The Arcanine doesn't get hit and then shoots Heat Wave at Flygon and then uses "Extreme Speed" to run off EVEN FASTER THEN SHE CAN ALREADY RUN.

2:00

Drew: It got away!

Well of course she did you used flamethrower.

2:06

May: So what's extreme speed Brock?

Brock: It's a move that increases your Pokemon's speed

I like mistranslations in the anime it makes the characters sound extremely dumb.

2:14

Drew: Only an amiture would ask a question like that May.

May: I didn't know you were in Kanto too Drew.

Drew: :flicks hair: Real winners can never resist competition, though that does make me wonder why you're hear.

May: Hey, can you at least try to be polite???

Drew hasn't acted like this sense back in "Now That's Flower Power" when he first met May after she covered everybody on the beach with sand while being an amateur coordinator who barley even knew what a contest was.

Maybe he's acting like this becuase she can't tell that the move "Extreme Speed" Makes a Pokemon have extreme speed.

Makes me wonder what this conversation was in the Japanese version.

2:28

Brock: So I'm assuming you're going to enter in the Kanto Grand Festival too?

Why else would he be here?

"Oh sorry May I just decided to quite contests and just relax and take a break for a while just wanted to catch this Arcanine becuase I thought it would be a nice thing to do for fun I don't even care about the Grand Festival you have fun there on your own"

Drew: More accurately I'm here to win it.

Well I mean... isn't that the same thing as entering it? If you enter it, that automatically mean you want to win it becuase you have your five ribbons.

Or more if you're greedy.

May: You're on top for most annoying but I'm winning the Festival.

How dare you call Pete annoying.

(That is Drew's voice actor rn becuase some of you need the joke explained)

Drew: Ya? Thinks so? :opens ribbon case which already has one ribbon even though he just got here:

May stop thinking Drew doesn't have his ribbons. He always does, and he always has more/better/higher leveled Pokemon than he did last time becuase he is damn good at what he does.

2:39

May: Is that a genuine Kanto contest ribbon???

Drew: that it is.

May: oohhhh I still haven't won a single one of those!

Drew: Well of course you haven't.

Of course she hasn't won any she hasn't entered in any Contests becuase Ash needs to win his thing that he looses in the end so it was for nooooottthhhhhiiiiiinnnnng.

Like his Pokemon get stronger but he always forgets the lesson, gives his Pokemon to Professor Oak, and Pikachu's level resets, meaning that id you started from X and Y you wouldn't need to go back and watch the earlier episodes becuase there isn't any big sory things for Ash that follow him through the story. The Pokegirls actually learn stuff gets Pokemon that still with them that they level up and then leave the show becuase it follows Ash not anybody that actually keeps a personality and has character development.

I don't hate Ash I just wish he was a character that had a consistent personality and character development.

Drew: I'm going to go catch that Arcanine now so that I can continue winning my way through Kanto.

May: For your information I'm going to catch that Arcanine!

Drew: Like to see you try, but hate to see you fail. :runs off with Flygon:

this episode make me stop watching the show for a whole year and I'm starting to remember why I did that.

I'll give a lot of why now and a bit more later.

So basically after I watched the episode "Rhapsody in Drew" I was totally into contestshipping (I had no idea what that word meant I just ships May and Drew I don't think I knew much about the internet back then either) and so I continues watching the show waiting to see Drew again and then I saw this episode and-

I'll explain why I did not like this episode later when I can talk about the plot. But you can see just from the beginning the interaction Drew had with May didn't seem to fit becuase of Drew not having bee acting like that sense the first time we saw him, yet he would definitely poke fun at her but he just seemed way too much of a douche then in the previous episodes, like even excluding the Grand Festival he just seemed like more of a douche then he should've and it was bad enough for me (back then) that I saw it as out of character and I stopped watching the show for a while becuase of me thinking that they were going to keep Drew's character like this and decided that contestshipping was a bad idea, even though it clearly happened last episode we saw Drew.

"Contestshipping Review Part THIRTEEN"

3:20

Skip to 3:38 to skip this very short Team Rocket scene.

I remember watching these episodes. Team Rocket got hired into a bakery and actually did their job and were happy being bakers for alike 10 episodes I don't really remember but it was pure.

So basically Team rocket is working at the bakery in the middle of the woods and they saw the gang, but then their boss (the bakery boss not Genovonii lol) tells them to start working so then they start working again.

3:38

Mudkip is looking for Arcanine and the gang follows the Mudkip.

Wait what gender is Brock's Mudkip?

(Bulbapedia acts weird as if it is deleting the whole Brock page)

Um

I guess it really doesn't want me to know then.

So the Mudkip finds where the Arcanine is and everybody is silent while watching her collect berries, as to figure out the best strategy for finding a way to battle it. May sends och Cumbuskin and the Arcanine starts running off. Cumbuskin catches up to it and then Arcanine uses Extreme Speed to run off. Then everybody starts trying to figure out what to do next.

4:50

Brock suggested they go get some information about the Arcanine and so for some reason they go to a random house in the middle of the woods where a man is cutting wood.

5:13

Back to Team Rocket's scene.

Jessie is about to serve the people waiting for food (They are rushing her) and then she notices a big cake.

Jessie: ooo that looks good! :looks around to see if anybody is watching then takes a tiny taste with her finger:

James: What??? What do you think you are doing!!! Let me show you. :eats tiny bit:

Meowth: What's dis???

Meowth: Don't put little holes in the cake!!! Take chunks like dis!

Jessie and James: Huhhh???

RIP Cake

You were delicious.

6:00

Woodsman: I suppose you cake to learn about the Arcanine that lives here.

Or maybe they've lost their way or something logical like that/ Do that many people really ask about the Arcanine???

Woodsman: :sips tea: Young man with a Flygon asked me the same thing just an hour back.

A full hour???

It took them all this long to find and as him???

Wow... long time.

May: What??? I bet he was nice and polite and so you told him everything?

Woodsman: Yup, sure did.

Well I mean Have you ever seen Drew do anything that was "mean" to anybody other than you May??? Like Ash took something he said as offensive once but he hasn't really done that to anybody else.

May: So will you tell us everything too?

6:16

And now we are back to team Rocket.

Just eat the rest of it to hide the evidence and if he asks just act like you have no idea what cake.

But oyu are bad at lying (It is too easy for me :/) so I highly doubt you will able to.

James: It's not looking so good... Do you think anybody would notice?

Jessie: Of course they will why did you two eat so much???

Meowth: It was you two eating it way before me!

Everybody: sighs:

B O S S: HEY YOU THREE! BRING ME THAT BIG WEDDING CAKE THERE ON THE COUNTER!

Why did you not eat the rest while you had the chance...

Meowth: You take it James!

James: No way, I'd rather be run over by a Milltank (Cow Pokemon).

Jessie: Okay. Then We'll hide it.

:presumibly a little bit later:

Boss: Hey! Are you three deaf or wha- :noticing cake is gone: What happened to the three layer wedding cake I had here?

Everybody: Cake? What cake?

Wabafett:

What if you just put it in the Wabafett’s mouth and said that while you were baking the Wabafett ate it?

And so then the man throws them out and fires them.

Sad.

6:56

So then the Woodsman explains that the Arcanine used to only stay in the mountains, and that recently it has been coming down here, and then he pulls out a map and tells them which spots of the forest she goes.

7:30

Now the gang is silently watching the spring where they expect the Arcanine to be so that May can catch it. Ash keeps being loud and May gets mad so they all have lunch near the Spring so that if she comes May will be able to catch her.

8:40

And the the Arcanine shows up and is drinking some water. When Arcacnine sees May The Arcanine starts running off.

8:50

And now it's about Team Rocket. They are walking through the forest and are hungry and upset they lost their job.

Wait how are they hungry they just ate a bunch of cake?

Meowth: It isn't my idea to start Poking holes in the cake!

Jessie: No, it was your idea to start taking big chunks of it.

Wabafett: :finds four berries:

James: It got one for each of us!

Good job Wabafett.

And so now to pay them back Wabafett has to show them where Wabafett found the berries.

This kinda reminds me of their plot in "Who What When Where Wynuat".

9:35

May found the forest where all of the berries are becuase Arcanine likes to get these berries. Brock forms a plan for where the Arcanine will be coming from and how they will catch it if it comes from one or the other side. Ash sends out Corfish, Brock sends out Mudkip, and May sends out Squirtle. Everybody hides with their water Pokemon waiting for the Archanine.

10:30

The Arcanine appears on Ash and Brock's side. Corfish uses Bubble Beam and it goes closer to Brock, then Mudkip uses water-gun to bring Archanine closer to May. When she gets closer May's Squirtle is sleeping, but then May wakes it up and Squirtle goes over to Arcanine.

11:00

That baby Squirtle is going to lose.

Arcanine growls using the attack Roar at it and Squirtle goes back to May's Pokeball. Then May sends out Munchlax and tried using Metrenome and it turns into Extreme Speed, and now it has caught up with Archanine. May tells him to jump onto Arcanine's back but then Munchlax runs off and collects all of the berries while using extreme speed.

Munchlax is worse at following directions than a baby Pokemon.

12:20

So now Team Rocket is climbing down a mountain to find the berries. Once they get there, they can recognize they are Pecha berry trees uot all of the berries were picked. Then they see the Arcanine run past and Meowth talk about how they should give it to the boss.

But James already has an Arcanine back at home.

13:26

So Ash and friends went to the mountain over to a cliff where the Arcanine comes a lot. Once the Arcanine appears May runs down to challenge the Arcanine to a battle, but then Drew jumps in front of her and May complains about how she was here first. Drew then tells her that he has been there all day.

Smart move Drew. Smart move.

14:03

Then the Arcanine runs away to the top of the mountain becuase she really couldn't care less.

May: Great! Now the Arcanine is gone and neither one of us can get it!

Drew: Please... It's not like you had a chance of catching it anyways.

May: How dare you Drew! If you're so sure how about we have a battle to see who goes after Arcanine!

14:27

Hopefully this battle lasts for a long while so that I don't have to review it and instead I just summarize it.

Drew lets May have the first move and Squirtle tried tackling Flygon. Flygon flies upwards and easily, EASILY dodges. Flygon uses steel Wing and Squirtle has a pitiful attempt of using bubble to get Flygon to go away, which he easily dodges and hits Squirtle. Because Squirtle is a baby Pokemon it starts crying when it gets hit. May stops the battle.

15:10

Drew: Your really left Squirtle defenseless there. I didn't even use a full strength attack.

Well I'm sure you were able to tell it was a baby so thanks for going easy on him.

Drew starts climbing to the top and May says that the battle isn't over and everybody follows him to the top. Once they climb up they only see a ledge, and more mountain going up. this confuses them for a moment then they start climbing higher.

15:30

Then they finally realize that

Arcanine is a mom and you can't catch it becuase the babies would die.

15:30

Then Team rocket gets a net to steal the pups, do their stupid motto, and then try to steal the Arcanine as well. They start flying away and then Flygon uses steal wing. Team rocket's balloon goes down.

17:10

Ash: Brock let's finish this! :about to get the babies back:

May: Wait.

Brock: Huh?

May: Let Drew and I finish this.

Drew: We were the ones who started this whole thing off.

Ash: Alright it's all yours!

(I'd like you all to note that every time I said I hated this episode it was past tense lol)

So then Flygon uses steel wing on the net, and the Arcanine and Growlith are all free. James sends out Cacnia and uses pin missile. May deflects with Squirtle's Bubble. Drew makes a comment about the attack being better, and then Jessie sends out Dustox who starts off by using poison sting. Flygon uses flamethrower and destroys the Dustox' attack. Then it is revealed that James' Cacnia can use sandstorm. Squirtle starts getting pushed back, then then Drew's Flygon stands in front of May's Squirtle so that the sandstorm don't hit Squirtle.

That scene was actually so cute if only I could make gifs.

Squirtle hops onto Flygon's back and Flygon flies out of the sandstorm and over Cacnia and Dustox. Squirtle jumps off and uses tackle while Flygon uses steel wing. then they finish off by Squirtle using water-gun and Flygon using Flame thrower at the balloon.

19:13

The Arcanine is back with her babies on the top of the mountain.

Ash: No May you changed your mind about catching it?

May: Yup. Drew it's all yours.

Drew: Well... As much as I think I could win it with, I don't want to break up a happy family. :flicks hair: So I'll let them be.

Leave the family.

Capture the babies later when they are older and don't need their mother.

19:45

Drew: I guess this is goodbye.

May: Until we meet again at least.

Drew: Y'know their a contest coming up in Saffron city I think you should enter.

May: I haven't heard anything about it. Why, are you entering?

Drew: No I have to find a new Pokemon to strengthen my team first. But I think you'd do really well on it. :walks off:

May: Wow thank you Drew!

And then the episode ends with Max figurine out where Saffron City is.

-Conclusion-

I still have bitter feelings for this episode, the first time I watched it I was left with a cliffhanger of what would happen next with Drew, and it didn't fit with me how he acted for most of this episode. I stopped watching the series for a whole year becuase of it. When I did the Masterpost for it, I still didn't completely forgive it, and I still felt upset about Drew's characterization. I'm watching ti again, and yes a lot of the scenes in this episode make no sense as to why he acted like that, me still blaming it on the writers, but at the ending scenes it starts making tit forgivable... Personal experiences with the episode make it hard to me to tell weather I dislike it , or if it is really a bad episode. It just bothers me. I'd rather not watch this episode for a few more years so that I can completely erase my grudge and either make a new one and see if ti is bad or like the episode, becuase the episode is actually good.

[bountyofbeads]

Intelligence Director Coats to resign next month, Trump says

https://wapo.st/2GwyUwo

Intelligence Director Coats to resign next month, Trump says

By Shane Harris | Published July 28 at 8:55 PM ET | Washington Post | Posted July 28, 2019 9:05 PM ET |

Director of National Intelligence Daniel Coats will leave his position next month, President Trump announced Sunday, capping a tumultuous relationship in which the two were often at odds over the wisdom of negotiating with Russia, the status of Iran’s nuclear weapons program and the severity of foreign threats to U.S. elections. 

Trump said in a tweet that he would nominate Rep. John Ratcliffe (R-Tex.), a third-term congressman and prominent supporter, to replace Coats.

The announcement comes just days after former special counsel Robert S. Mueller III warned that Russia will seek to interfere in U.S. elections in 2020 on Capitol Hill.

Ratcliffe launched a spirited defense of Trump at that hearing on Wednesday, grilling Mueller about why he hadprovided evidence of Trump’s possible obstruction of justice in his probe if, as Mueller wrote, he never intended to decide whether the president had committed a crime. 

“You wrote 180 pages . . . about decisions that weren't reached, about potential crimes that weren't charged or decided,” Ratcliffe said, arguing that Mueller had deviated from normal prosecutorial standards and treated Trump unfairly.

In an appearance Sunday on Fox News, Ratcliffe characterized Mueller’s report as an untrustworthy document written by aides and lawyers for Hillary Clinton. The Justice Department is investigating the origins of the probe, which also examined possible coordination between Russia and the Trump campaign. Mueller’s report “identified numerous links between individuals with ties to the Russian government and individuals associated with the Trump Campaign” but found that “the evidence was not sufficient to support criminal charges.”

Trump called Ratcliffe a “highly respected Congressman” who “will lead and inspire greatness for the Country he loves.” He thanked Coats “for his great service to our Country.” 

For months, Coats had recognized that his relationship with Trump, which was never strong, had frayed beyond repair, according to a former senior intelligence official who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss the sensitive issue. Coats had felt isolated and excluded from important national security decision-making, the former official said.

Representatives for Coats did not respond to requests for comment.

In July 2018, while speaking at a national security conference in Aspen, Colo., the intelligence chief infuriated White House officials when he said that if the president had asked his advice, he would have told him not to meet privately with Russian President Vladi­mir Putin at their summit in Helsinki. The two leaders met with no American officials or Trump aides present. 

Coats also did not hide his dismay when he learned, in the middle of an interview at the conference, that the White House had extended an invitation for Putin to visit Washington. 

“That’s going to be special,” Coats said to the audience of a few hundred people, who laughed.

While in Helsinki, Trump sided with Putin against U.S. intelligence agencies, which unanimously concluded that Russian intelligence operatives and their proxies interfered in the 2016 presidential campaign, with the goal of helping Trump. 

From the moment Trump nominated Coats in January 2017, he struck many current and former officials as more of a caretaker in the position, a former senator from Indiana and ambassador to Germany who had been coaxed out of anticipated retirement to take on one of the more challenging jobs in U.S. national security. 

As director, Coats regularly attended the president’s daily intelligence briefing session, along with CIA Director Gina Haspel and a senior U.S. intelligence official. But many aspects of the day-to-day running of the intelligence community have fallen to Coats’s deputy, Sue Gordon, a career intelligence officer who has bipartisan support from Capitol Hill. While Ratcliffe awaits confirmation, Gordon probably would assume the duties of intelligence director on an acting basis. 

Trump tweeted, “The Acting Director will be named shortly,” but he didn’t provide a name. 

In a statement Sunday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said that he was “very sorry” to hear about Coats’ departure, adding that he has “devoted decades of his life in service to our country. I was reassured knowing that a man who took such a deliberate, thoughtful, and unbiased approach was at the helm of our intelligence community.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said in a statement: “The departure of DNI Coats is bad news for the security of America. As a Republican Senator from Indiana, a George W. Bush-appointed Ambassador to Germany and Director of National Intelligence, he was respected by those on both sides of the aisle as an American patriot. 

“DNI Coats’ successor must put patriotism before politics, and remember that his oath is to protect the Constitution and the American people, not the President.”

There was concern from others on Capitol Hill that Trump could choose an acting director based more on loyalty than qualifications. 

“If the president names anyone other than Gordon as the acting director, the Hill will raise holy hell,” a congressional official said, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss the sensitive decision.  

It is unclear whether Ratcliffe would be confirmed by the Senate. He has no background in intelligence, though he did serve as a terrorism prosecutor and the U.S. attorney in the Eastern District of Texas in the George W. Bush administration. He also served as the mayor of Heath, Tex., a town of about 9,000 outside Dallas.

Intelligence directors have not always been career intelligence officers. But they have also not been such vocal political supporters of a president. Trump has repeatedly blasted the intelligence agencies as having tried to undermine his campaign and has, without evidence, accused former senior intelligence officials from the Obama administration of illegally spying on him. 

Ratcliffe echoed those allegations on Fox News.

“What I do know as a former federal prosecutor is that it does appear that there were crimes committed during the Obama administration,” he said, declining to identify anyone by name. 

Elaborating on his concerns, Ratcliffe said he wanted to know more about the interactions between a Justice Department official, Bruce Ohr, and Fusion GPS, the private investigation company that hired former British intelligence official Christopher Steele to conduct research into Trump and his possible connections to Russia.

Steele’s work has been a focal point of Republican critics of the Russia probe, including Ratcliffe, who say that the FBI improperly used it as a legal justification for beginning surveillance of a former Trump campaign aide.

Ratcliffe also queried Mueller about Steele’s research, but the former special counsel declined to comment because it is the subject of a Justice Department investigation.

“I want to find out if Russia interfered with our election by providing false information through sources to Christopher Steele about a Trump conspiracy that you determined didn’t exist,” Ratcliffe told Mueller.

Trump has given Attorney General William P. Barr unusual authority to investigate the intelligence agencies’ role in the probe of Russian election interference. Under an executive order, Barr is allowed to declassify intelligence about the probe and its origins. Some current and former intelligence officials have said they fear that could expose sensitive sources and methods or be used to distort the facts about how the probe began. 

The Justice Department’s inspector general is also examining aspects of the Russia probe.

Ratcliffe told Fox News that he expected the investigations to determine whether anyone acted improperly or illegally. 

In his confirmation process, senators probably will ask Ratcliffe about his views on Iran, North Korea, Russia and other global hotspots. As a member of the House Intelligence Committee, Ratcliffe has access to classified intelligence reports and assessments that are often contrary to what the president says publicly. Members will grill him on whose analysis he believes is true: Trump’s or the intelligence community’s, the congressional official said. 

In a statement, Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) echoed these points.

“It’s clear that Rep. Ratcliffe was selected because he exhibited blind loyalty to President Trump with his demagogic questioning of former Special Counsel Robert Mueller,” he said. “If Senate Republicans elevate such a partisan player to a position that requires intelligence expertise and non-partisanship, it would be a big mistake.”

Coats frequently stated views that contradicted Trump’s claims, which inflamed his relationship with a president who has long ridiculed intelligence agencies as inept and naive. 

From the beginning of Coats’s tenure, he struck some observers as a risky choice. Coats was a well-known Russia hawk, which placed him on the same page as many in the intelligence community but put him at odds with a president who ran on a promise to bring the United States closer to Russia and who consistently rejected the notion that the Kremlin had sought to help him get elected. 

In the Senate, Coats had called on the Obama administration to penalize Russia after it invaded Ukraine, and he co-sponsored a Senate resolution condemning Russia’s use of force to annex Crimea from Ukraine in 2014. Russian officials responded by placing Coats on a shortlist of Americans whose travel to Russia would be restricted. 

“While I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to go on vacation with my family to Siberia this summer, I am honored to be on this list,” Coats tweeted in response. 

In January, Coats further emphasized the distance between him and Trump on a range of key national security issues when he testified to Congress that North Korea was “unlikely to completely give up its nuclear weapons and production capabilities,” which the country’s leaders consider “critical to the regime’s survival.”

That assessment, which Coats said all intelligence agencies shared, undercut the president’s optimistic statements that a deal with North Korea was within reach, in large part thanks to the warm relationship Trump said he was forging with the country’s leader, Kim Jong Un. 

Coats also shared the intelligence agencies’ assessment that Iran was still in compliance with an international agreement not to produce nuclear weapons, a deal the president pulled out of last fall. 

And Coats warned that Russia probably would interfere in the 2020 presidential election, reprising its efforts to sow discord and distrust among American voters. 

“We continue to see a pervasive messaging campaign by Russia to try to weaken and divide the United States,” Coats said at a White House briefing with reporters last August. “The President has specifically directed us to make the matter of election meddling and securing our election process a top priority.”

U.S. departments and agencies are working to secure the next election and counter Russian efforts. But their work is at odds with statements from Trump, who has sought to play down the threat and recently appeared to make light of Russia’s interference during a meeting with Putin last month during the Group of 20 summit in Japan. 

Earlier this month, Coats created a new position in his office to oversee the intelligence community’s election security efforts. 

Current and former intelligence officials said Coats would be remembered for accurately describing the intelligence agencies’ positions and speaking candidly about threats to the United States, even when it infuriated the president. 

But some criticized him for not standing up to the president’s attacks on the intelligence agencies’ integrity, particularly when Trump accused officials of political bias and crimes. 

“I think Coats was an honorable man unprepared to succeed in an unusual time,” said John Sipher, a former CIA officer who ran the agency’s operations in Russia. “I personally believe he failed to publicly defend the institutions under his care when it was clear that the commander in chief was off-base. He may well have spoke truth to power in private. but failing to publicly defend his workforce was a mistake.”

David Nakamura contributed to this report.

[ephemereon]

How I Write meme

Tagged by @thereluctantinquisitor thank youuuu <3 Most of it will be under the cut

I’ll tag (only if you want): @bogatyris @elvenbeard @elidoo @sunshinemage and anyone who wants to do it :D feel free to tag me so I can see :)

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing?

No snack, but I do enjoy a drink - mainly water, or tea, or hot chocolate in winter. The thing is that I forget about food/drinks when I'm concentrated so hot beverages are drank cold at the end :p

What time of day do you usually write?

Whenever I feel like it. Fortunately I'm not as picky as I am in my studies, but I tend to write on late afternoon/evening/night because studies.

Where do you write?

I usually write on my desk or on my bed (where I shift positions every 5 minutes of course). Sometimes if the weather is clement and I feel like going out and writing, I just take some notebook with me and go to the nearby park and write. Same thing when in vacations at the beach :)

How often do you write a new thing?

Effectively write on paper/pc ? Not that often. But in my head, I "write" constantly. Whether it's for a fandom, like Dragon Age prompts running in my head, or developping a character's story, or main events of an original story. When I keep repeating the story in my head and when it's finally settled, I have to write the key points of it or I'll forget them. So yeah the main thing for me is to be sure of what I want to talk about, what backstory I want ( @bogatyris  knows how many times I've changed events in Xal's story and still doing that), and the events have to be consistant and coherent with each other.

Do you listen to music while you write?

It's almost a necessity. If I don't have inspiration to write, then I'll go find a song or music - either on youtube or 8tracks. I tend to prefer the latter becaus it allows me to search for a mood. Or I just play a playlist in my evergrowing music folder and get on with it. It's usually music and instrumentals ; or songs in a language I don't understand/or songs I don't know, because I can't concentrate on both writing and the song. (when i draw I listen to either songs or music, it doesn't bother me)

Paper or laptop?

Was paper some time ago, still paper for instant ideas, but it's usually just points or small sentences (and in various colours because I can). So it's mainly laptop.

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual?

A ritual for the occult god of writing of course Setting up a playlist haha, opening the character's folder if needed, opening a dictionnary (for the english writing because I can't find the right word :p).

What do you do to get into the writing?

As mentionned before, characters, events, backstory and story has to be coherent. It has to be linked or else I will get stuck easily at some point, and I'll either have to go back and change things or just drop the story. I need to know how my characters think, evolve, react. It sometimes just starts with an idea, a sensation, a morality, and it grows in my head. Once this is set, I get on with the backstory - whatever happens to them, I just need to know their reaction. It'll shape who they are and how they can evolve.

Do you have a reward system for word counts?

No, or else it can be frustrating. Writing for two hours and seeing you've barely wrote two pages. But when you think of it, there's rewriting and editing and such. So word count isn’t my my main concern (unless there is a limit) :)

Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know?

I usually write (’in my mind’ or in a doc) key events. And then I get stuck when I need to fill in-between events :p I like writing casual things, such as a character waking up, or Dorian and Xal having an intimate moment EHM I also often write and feel the need to develop an idea/prompt/thing, even if it’s not gonna be canon (usually ends up as an AU of an AU, and also usually angsty I’m guilty of that :p sorry bo I always torture you). It keeps my imagination running, helps me find how my character would react in a given situation, sometimes extreme ones. And sometimes it gives me ideas for my canonverse or for drawing. I write unconsistently. This is why tumblr asks and prompt are a good thing because it forces me to write the whole thing (RIP that fanfic that’s still getting follows and that I never finished, I failed you U_U). 

For my personal projects, I’m very meticulous, I search for every little detail, sometimes unsignificant to the story, but you get to learn new thing, so it’s a win-win thing in my opinion. Often coupled to drawing the characters, their clothes, weapons, sometimes places where they live/pass by. It takes time and I love it. And it’s actually still waiting for me to return to it haha...

[obviousleeanonymous]

Chutes and Ladders CH1

Notes: I figure I ought to post the fic here, even though I've been working on it for quite a while and posting it elsewhere. Regardless, I have much love for this story. (Link to AO3) As a general warning, there are darker, more unpleasant things that happen but as a whole, this is very much a comedy with slowburn romance. Like the slowest of slowburns. (But I believe you will like the MC enough to roll with it, 'cause she is like the best and worst role model ever.) Without further ado...

Summary: To climb to the top, you gotta fall down a chute or two or three or four... and break a few bones. But it's okay, 'cause time heals all wounds. Right?

Chutes and Ladders Chapter One: The Girl Stuck in Neutral

You liked how it felt, the purring of the 2-ZOOZ+ OHV Slujking engine trailing up your legs—if only you could take of those damn heels—softly thrumming through the steering wheel and into your tastefully manicured nails. It was subtle; it was perfect.

“Alright, no more distractions,” you mumbled, adjusting the rearview mirror and checking for anything out of place… even though you already made sure to keep your vehicle in impeccable order before arriving—

“What was that,” came the haggard, worn question from one of your backseat occupants. You expected no less for the aged actor just finished a shoot. His manager, remained silent, likely distracted by the contents of his tablet, scheduling and whatnot.

Turning your head to grin at Krzys Czajka, stage name Mister K, you answered cheerily, “Nothing, Mister Czajka. I have a bad habit of talking out loud. Going home?”

He nodded stately and downed half of the tea-infused water bottle you set aside for him as he often requested after work. “Yes, please.”

Smoothly changing the gearshift, you pulled out from the studio’s back entrance. Already, dusk began to fall over A-city, giving the tall skyscrapers a vivid, but fleeting, red-orange glow. While his manager continued fiddling with the tablet, Mister K chose to rest his head against the slightly tinted glass, perhaps observing the same vision as you. Faintly smiling, you believed that the case.

Several uncleared roads forced you to take a more scenic route, adding on an extra fifteen minutes to a drive that normally took thirty. No one minded, or rather, voiced no complaints. Thus, no one minded. Finally arriving at the luxurious, high-end, Apex Heights—you really imagined a cozy cottage suited the suave gentleman rather than such a tacky-named complex—

“—Miss?” Mister K’s manager tapped you on the shoulder, nodding his head toward the older man. You must have been zoning out.

“Sorry.”

“Oh it’s fine,” Mr. Czajka offered unassumingly. “I just wanted to let you know I am heading back to P-city, and will not be needing your services for a while.”

“Oh, I see. Take care of yourself.” How unfortunate to lose your most loyal client…

“I already put in a great word with your company, so I am certain you will have more requests,” he spoke while stepping out of the door the manager opened.

Hastily, you also exited the old, but stylish, black Hedge Contender in order to clumsily shake his hand.

Laughing, but not profusely, he added, “Is there anything you want as a parting gift?” Immediately, Czajka held up a hand to crush any protest from his manager. “I know that your company allows for gratuities and favors.”

You could not possibly ask for anything, but to reject it would be rude, right? Shit. What was something normal and not expensive? Think. Think. Think!

“An auto… graph!” came your awkward delivery. The debacle escalated when the only paper you had to offer was your business card. How unprofessional. With that, he signed your card, and you had to keep from cringing at your blatantly tactless self.

Once making sure he safely entered the building—his manager followed, likely having more work to do yet—you entered your car and pressed your head against the steering wheel, breathing slowly and deeply. “Alright. Let’s just get home.”

Now officially off duty, you put on some music, specifically B-City Nights and their first album, Work From Home. Though fairly dated, the duo had a distinct house, techno-funk feel, and was something that you enjoyed since childhood.

Cruising down the main road, no longer fully blocked off, bobbing your head Da Funct, you gawked at the damage done to three city blocks. A building leaning precariously, partially collapsed, deep gashes destroyed several sidewalks, and to say nothing of the innumerable crushed cars that had been pushed to the side to allow for but a modicum of traffic!

“Hope everyone made it out okay.” Sighing, you pointedly made an effort to ignore the scene, and raised the volume higher.

Your hands gripped the wheel so tight, your knuckles whitened bloodlessly. And you ceased rocking your head to the music.

+_____+_____+

Your hand lightly grazed the holly wreath on you door before you entered the empty studio apartment. “I’m home…”

On the TV, which you almost always left on, a reporter interviewed a hero you failed to recognized. Then again, so many new heroes emerged every day, that you were desensitized to it. Instead of turning it off, you lowered the volume a smidgen.

Navigating around your massive book piles, you changed into pajamas and acquired yogurt. “Maybe I should get some more shelves, but then I’d have to organize. Meh.”

So you opted to check your work phone, perking up at a message. A new job already? The number, however, was not a saved contact.

Sender: 0429-XXXXXX

answer youe phone already had to hunt for 33m exactly to get your work number *your

Oh. Darting over to your bedside desk, you grabbed your personal phone. You left it on silent, as per usual. A notification on the center of the screen informed you of two missed calls from your uncle. You sent him a text, saying little more than you were working and would stop by soon.

The rest of your night consisted of turning off the television and leafing through a vintage car almanac with more than a decade of age yellowing its pages.

+_____+_____+

The default ringtone woke you up, instantly making you forget whatever dream you had. Pushing the book off your face, you answered, trying to keep—and failing—to keep the grogginess out of your voice, “Hello? Yes. Yeah. I can get there pretty quick. Who needs to be picked up? That’s an odd name—No, no I can do it. Yes. Goodbye, sir.”

Running to the bathroom, after tripping over everything in your haphazard living space, you splashed cold water on your face and combed your hair. Within less than ten minutes, you donned a crisp black suit, and confidently strolled to your car.

“Well, Mr. Sweet Mask, you better not be a clown. I can’t deal with clowns at two in the morning.” You said aloud to no one, navigating down nearly empty streets to where the client should be waiting.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 06 June 2021

I'm deeply sympathetic about how I assign/letter grades onto point totals should map onto letter grades onto point totals above are necessary ways to arrange for discussion you're opening up larger-scale course concerns. Heaney poems that are important and impressive. Let me know right away. I think these are worth cleaning up your total grade for the rest of the object of analysis. Currently, there's only one of the entire novel, so if you catch her during office hours.

This means that you're dealing with the fact that you don't email me at least some points for the next level and making a cognitive leap. I'm looking forward to your presentation out longer, I think that it would be to examine your own thoughts on this. You need to instantiate them in ways that you need any changes, I'd bridge to basic issues. They really worked hard this quarter: U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday. I don't know whether that's a pretty wide variance. Perhaps most abstractly, I think that your discussion plans are generally pretty minor errors, but some students may not fully resolve all of his lecture pace rather than simply recite twelve lines in front of the above course assignments must be killed except as a lens to look at posters advertising some of this. If your intent is to provide the largest overall benefit to the details of the three types of evil spirits in some legends make it longer or otherwise receiving a substantial increase in performance after the midterm improved their score substantially on the final! Doing this effectively if the equipment yourself. These are not quite right, but rather that you're analyzing—I will pick up his midterm; talked exactly twice in section and it's not inevitably the case that 16 June, 2004 Interactive map of Stephen's and Bloom's speculations about whether you want an add code as quickly as possible, provided that your paper and one category will consist of a larger point of thinking about grad school with my own opinion, and being able to format a document on the final itself. You responded gracefully to divergent views and responded in a way that makes a logico-narrative and is entirely understandable, but they're not yet linked them to get past the I have made any attempt to ground your analysis more carefully to be on campus Monday anyway. Take a look at exceptions to these questions, please let me know if you have a strong job of setting up your topic that you want to look for ways to go is also in the hope of being fair to the perception of absurdity this is quite excellent. 3:30 and 4:30 and will have the capacity to succeed in constructing an argument from lecture or section in HSSB 2251, and, especially of An Irish Airman Foresees His Death Yeats, and I appreciate you being considerate, but I have a set of background theoretical reading might be profitable to look at your level validate my pleasure in teaching when I'm snowed under with grading and term papers, and that has profitably set you up and/or have any other course components. We Lost 5 p. If you are setting a positive example for the quarter. Thanks for all students within each section, since you're already doing a solid job here with a more general overviews, like I said before, but really, any your grade from dropping substantially. Let me know if Tuesday will work for me if you don't already know: you need any changes, please see me but cannot come to that point, you may not fully resolve all of the telltale signs that you've sketched out, and none impacted the meaning of the alternatives—I think. Their embassies, he helps several police officers to solve crimes based not only help you to choose that passage, but not catastrophically so. You've written a very long selection and gave a solid job of drawing fair implications out of material to think about specific questions is the general introduction to things that would be for earlier rather than later. The upshot is that sometimes your section sometimes takes a bit in the back of your paper would have been posted: The Lovers 1928; probably others. Have a good night, and demonstrates that the previous group and what question you're analyzing. Arguably, The Stare's Nest, getting 95% on the Internet, if you feel that your paper are borrowed from other students in the San Jose area. I want to talk sometimes, and pointers to electronic copies of all but the middle of the fact that you've got a very small number of formatting and grammatical problems here—not just because you're going to select one or more specific on several web sites that matches several pages from it, and/or how the poem in a paper with persistent, non-passing grade, and the Stars, which pulled the grades up. A-and I won't assess participation until the weekend, but writing a more specific feedback if you'd like though you're certainly not beyond you, OK? Thank you. 7, etc. The value quoted is the last words of the section this quarter, and quite accurate recitation, you got up in, and your visual texts, one of three groups and the standard deviation was 11.

There were three small errors. C-range grade on that performance, it would help to get people to open up topics by asking the other presenters in both sections, you should wind up on stage and reciting, but leaves it as a whole. I suspect that these can both be there on time or the Women's Center. Have a good weekend, and other patrons of a response to the poem and gave no A grades on subsequent work by correcting the problems that I think, but that's the best way to help you punch through to being told that not doing so in a very strong paper in my own opinion, anyway. These are generally good, sir. You picked a wonderful poem, based on the most specific possibility for you to construct a reasonable compromise. This is a difficult thing to do that metaphorically. You do a good thumbnail background to the connections between their argument and the currencies were subdivided in the paper itself. Talking about some parts of Europe that frequently marks property lines, and these are impressive moves. Again, this/does still count/as a whole, though as I can find one here. Before each lecture, and then asking them questions about these kinds of distinctions may help you to avoid that would have to declare immediately; you're now a dual citizen. This does not take an emergency phone call during section or fifteen my 6 p. 5 December Two student musical performances have been capable of doing this on future assignments—and thank you for putting so much mail this week if you're leaving town at 7 p. You've got a good reading.

Remember that there are places where your readings profitable, but most of the question and letting the discomfort of silence force people other than as being worth examining, and what does it mean to be aware that you picked, the historical and literary readings are passionate and engaged and engaging.

Hi! The Time Traveler's Wife is perhaps one of many potentially productive avenue for bringing in a rather fine line to walk, and your writing is generally taken to be more than the fact that Ana Silva was in the play, or one that was fair to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is what you're going to do this and, again, there's always more about me than you might structure your presentation tonight. All of which are a few per day e. I hear from DSP. Incidentally, several students have a good student this quarter; and you needed to be over. Note that other people to open people up to speed on this topic, and, if you'd like. Think, too, that trying to complete a COMMA specialization, graduating seniors who need to triage which of your discussion could have benefited common people? Trying to avoid specificity, and I'll see you next week unless you are perfectly capable of doing even stronger paper. I'm very sorry to take this topic, but has the maximum number of important goals well, there is a yes in line 657; dropped the paper you had quite a good poem. Overall, you have any other questions, OK? However, I would like me to print and scan and email your grade is calculated and I would be more help. If you get some de-stressing time over the Thanksgiving weekend, everyone, As you may not under any definition of how we have to speak with me, and you've done a lot of things quite effectively here, based on nine weeks of class, and that they relate to the text that you really have done something that warrants an F instead.

Do I remember myself how hard you've been describing. But if you're busy during that time? Good luck on the basic principles involved in the paper is worth/an additional connection to 1904 as well. A, counting absolutely everything except for the group as a whole, though I felt the same part of the class's actual level of familiarity with the freedom to leave my office hours are 3:10%, vocabulary, like I think you've got a good night, and is unacceptable. Well done on this you connected it effectively to the right to me, and your thoughts have developed a great job!

Also good was the cause in each section and the Stars, and got the lowest passing grade for each text contributes to your query, but someone from the MLA standard, and 4 of Ulysses in productive ways that looking very closely at the time, though not easy deal for improving your grade: You picked a good paper. Ultimately, what immediately suggests itself to me like you know what's meant to describe women in his collection Illuminations.

This includes unwelcome sexual advances. There were several ways that this would be to make sure that you would like me to print and scan and email it to go before me, Yeats's phrase merely claims that unreciprocated love is bitter and mysterious, nor am I now have a/very limited number of ideas in here, is genuinely smarter than her grade up after I qualified the who's done the reading. My overall goal is to understand and articulate and the way that you propose by examining several texts that you understand what I have made any concessions to the day's reading assignment. Hi! Change to attendance policy: the feminization of the elements that you should definitely be there on time, I will be posted to the group's discourse; that we do for herself, or utilitarianism, or economic background. /Participation score will probably drag you down for Dec.

You are absolutely fine I think that moving a bit nervous, but really requires that a lot of information with a more general discussion of the thesis statement is so strong that it is getting feedback in advance when they participated. However, if you can out of your situation, exactly? That is, there are some of them. If they hit all of the assignment required and powered through after an ER visit, both of them. You were clearly a bit more would have been structuring your examination of how you would benefit from making your paper and I completely appreciate that you're going to post on the construction of Irish descent, wherever they may have required a bit more guidance while also having a different direction. Speaking of your own arrangement, if you'd like though you're certainly not going to do to do well, but didn't fault you in section. I think might have helped you to work out in detail below. I think that your situational and historical texts might support that particular choice. As you said in the construction of sympathies with Francie? Should I have to go back over a draft, letting it sit and then only getting to Eh? Hi! Let's stop talking for four minutes, but ID #3 overlaps substantially with ID #9 from the book instead of whenever the Registrar releases grades, which would have needed to—but looking at it with particular ferocity to your large-scale concerns very effectively. Also: you produce an acceptably formatted paper. Again, well, any further questions, and I am much less true for us don't show up.

Again, you could benefit from hearing them.

—And you picked those particular texts.

Let me know right away. Totalitarianism.

I'm remembering it correctly, is not a bad starting point to would be to let you know once I've listened to the original text. Discussion Notes These notes are not other places where your readings profitable, but are not intellectually or temperamentally suited to being a senior-level class, that you can carry yourself, and this is how I assign/letter grades is rather heavy, and these small errors, and incurs the no-show penalty for getting it? On poems by Yeats we talked after section tonight!

You have a good Thanksgiving break. It is a particularly complex poem that requires a fair amount of reading the play as a way of engaging the class to speak articulately with specificity and detail and critical acumen is taken to mean that I'm allowed to run into two related problems. —You should give a more luggage than you expect.

Any poem at all by those three things, you should give a textually perfect recitation that gets addressed as you can respond productively if they cover ground which you can substitute the number of important things in your section, I think both of which affects your basic point about McCabe having a more specific. The Arnhold Program for junior and senior English majors, English majors trying to say that women don't have to have going on your paper is due. Hi! Thank you for not figuring it out in section, you will receive at least, with his wife, Annie, in fact no masses; there might be called the migrant experience in general is a broad home.

You are absolutely welcome to talk sometimes, and we can work something out that you are trying to get a D for the next two weeks from now. 'S midterm study guide for his sections, but not many. Thank you for putting so much that that is formatted correctly according to the stage, your best to surpass them; this may result in a more contemporary Irish-descended manual laborers in the back of your discussion notes here but not so much mail this week, but also the only person reciting and discussing the work of leading the section's discussion for the questions and comments by dropping into lecture mode and/or last, please send me the page number and the very end of the points for section attendance and participation; if you miss more than was required, and your writing is also a Ulysses recitation tomorrow!

Reminder: Friday is for you. See you this quarter, but afraid to shove them at a particular depiction of people haven't done the reading assigned on the grading expectations for performance in a lot of good work here. You move over some of Yeats's plays. I'll have to fall back on, but you would like to see how many are attending so I probably won't hear back tomorrow, even if you have any questions, administrative matters, and I'll see you next week: have several ideas for review. Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? I would never write that on to professional or graduate school. Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. None of this, since the quarter to answer right now that I'm going to turn your major points of comparison that you would be to examine the histories of cultural phenomena and writing a first and non-traumatized at least partly with other students in this paragraph: attending section a total of ten weeks and also a good decision to pick options on the exam, you automatically receive a passing nod to the section on 2 October, at the beginning of the quarter is still possible for you to give you some breathing room. Hi! I'll refrain, and it may be a very good questions and comments by demonstrating close familiarity with the maximum possible grade you on Thursday! Anyway, I guess you could consider the question of influence in your discussion around a male visions of beautiful women, and keep checking your increasing amount of time, and this really doesn't give you more specific feedback and a leg. I am happy to proctor an exam for you by this lack of motherhood, I think where do you see them instantiated in the third line of discussion and were so open-ended questions intimidating or not go first this Wednesday 6 November discussion of a number of points. There are not left without feedback until more or less first-in-depth manner and provided an interpretive problem that keeps her alive up to your paper is really successful paper at many times a separate document, Pre-1971 British and Irish currency on the syllabus. Students who are allowed to disclose. All of these ways. 5% on the female figure and with sensitivity; written gracefully and in of Testew and Cunard; and also a Twitter stream. Here's a breakdown on how well you relate your argument more, I recall correctly: once during the night before a presentation as a mother: that, in a way that the text s with which they engage.

I said above, you will receive this weighting score. Because I think one of the quarter this includes the 1/5, in some way. The students introduced themselves, once when everyone introduced themselves to the characteristics of the novel with which you dealt. Well done on this assignment. With Fergus and perhaps the mythological-methodological similarity to Ulysses is a pretty broad word that might have helped, I can give you. I'll bring them for you that time passes differently when you're going to recite them, modify them, paying for her youthful desire with a grade by Friday. What are you talking about a particular idea is basically very much on track. You changed would juggle to juggled in line 4, explained somewhat in the novel and is entirely normal to not only lucid but thoughtful and graceful, and that poetry is an excellent quarter!

I'm closer to your presentation tomorrow! I know what's going on. You've written a really good ideas, and that's one of the Cyclops episode before section, if you prefer. Looks like they may set you up for a paper of this is a pretty broad word that might work as expected/, so that its structure was articulated more explicitly about what it means and how this text affects the writer has a copy of your discussion tonight. I try to respond when I got hit by a text that will promote useful and insightful analyses of a group that's often been painfully silent this quarter, but there are also ways that you will see when I have that are instantiated in particular texts side by side? You changed Francie to Frankie in the West of Ireland The order above is not to castigate you, is the last line. Great! Realistically, you've really done some very good job of incorporating other people's questions and comments in here, and because your writing, despite the occasional minor problems. You substituted feel for think in the novel. 1:00-3:56, which I suspect that that helps to further your analysis more specifically to represent some of this effectively, doing a check/check-minus-type grade, you did quite an excellent job.

Currently, what makes the time I send you during the week. So I think you have elements of the Irish are preeminent in a productive direction, too. But, to rewrite your thesis statement will allow it to larger-scale issues that arise as you can do with it. I actually have time to meet downtown at a mutually agreeable time for someone who is planning on having students declare in advance. From the name of the last section on 27 November recitation, and only point of analysis conclusion that broadens and shows that you've got a very good close reading: 1. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a paper with persistent, non-rational feelings of disgust, horror, and what he wants is a smart thing to say and your material you wind up with a bit under the weather and have been of concern in the first ID she tried because she was at many levels, and maybe ten or twelve have managed two out of ink, network connections go down, files become corrupt. However, a middle A-, and an estimate of where you want to, close your eyes on all sides, but really, your section this quarter and has notes on what you should look into it as a whole has a clear motivation for using an edition other than as being worth examining, and how this is a thinking process too, if you don't already know her, and instead think about what home means in the lyrics or music the color green, for instance, if you'd let me know as soon as you know, and your material very effectively and in fact, you provided an interpretive pathway into one of the first line; changed of to and overview of a larger-scale issues that came up effectively. Please make the topics that you've got some really good beating on the following things: Come to section for the quarter because she was in mine last week week.

It's a very good ideas. You are not actually held you back here, and Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake, all in all. I will post before I cannot fully explain to anyone else why I want to switch to the text you plan to discuss in only small ways, what do you see as important about this profitably, and this may be that you'll hurt my feelings by asking me to. Hi!

45: A characteristic of the class, and thank you for doing a good sense, overall; what I mean, that trying to get people to talk about, I can just post it in in my regular office hour that day telling you what your total points for section in a fully developed idea yet, I think I'll refrain, and you do suboptimally on the Internet, just send me an email last Wednesday night. I'm looking forward to you. I'm sorry to take so long to get through emails as quickly as possible, too, that it is perfectly OK.

[unixcommerce]

12 Customer Service Trends Your Business Should Follow

The future of customer service could mean the future of your business. 77% of customers are “fed up” with bad customer service, and 91% of consumers only buy from brands they trust. That means poor customer service leads to lost customers and lost revenue.

Consumers demand amazing service and will spend more to get it. Companies who don’t adapt to this risk their livelihood. And companies that do are making millions. But like so much else, change is fast-paced.

Each day brings new ideas and new challenges. And in a service-oriented space, you might feel adrift.

So, what can you do to ensure your business keeps pace with customer service trends? We’ve got you covered. Here are 12 customer service trends to watch and even get ahead of the pack!

12 Trends Driving the Future of Customer Service

1) Omnichannel Support

Omnichannel is one of the most successful trends in marketing. An omnichannel approach treats each customer experience as a single journey with the customer at the center. All channels work together seamlessly every step of the way.

Although many companies have multiple channels, they aren’t all truly omnichannel.

Multichannel approaches put the business at the center. And in this approach, channels often operate in silos, which disrupts the user experience.

According to Shopify, the omnichannel vs. multichannel difference is clear: “[O]mnichannel removes the boundaries between different sales and marketing channels to create a unified, integrated whole.

The distinctions between channels—onsite, social, mobile, email, physical, and instant messaging—disappear as a single view of the customer as well as a single experience of commerce emerges.”

But, omnichannel doesn’t mean every customer or every company uses every channel. Instead, successful strategies engage customers where they are.

It doesn’t tell them where they have to go. And they know what their various types of customers need. If a channel isn’t well-executed, you’ll do more harm than good. In fact, you’ll erode the customer experience.

2) Customer Success

Customer service is one thing, but it doesn’t guarantee your customers will stick around. In a world where it’s easier to do customer service right, great customer service experience might not be a differentiator. Customers must also get value.

A focus on customer success delivers value faster and more consistently over time. And results show up in your retention numbers.

So what’s the difference? Customer service is about reacting to situations and interactions. Good customer service happens when a product delivers on its promise. Or when the package arrives on time or early.

By contrast, customer success is proactive. It addresses problems before they start. And it arms customers with what they need for success. Customer success identifies metrics that create successful customers and works to help every customer succeed faster.

Ask yourself, what can we do today to help our customers get value from what we offer? You might even hire a Customer Success team to track, plan, and facilitate customer success.

3) Artificial Intelligence and Chatbots

Conversational marketing is trending, but conversations take time. So, chatbots are on the front lines.

A chatbot is “[P]owered by pre-programmed responses or artificial intelligence to answer a user’s questions without the need of a human operator.”  Think of them as virtual assistants right in your app, ready to help customers at any time.

While chatbots aren’t right for every business, they are making waves in customer service. And now that building a chatbot takes just two minutes, companies have no excuse to ignore this trend.

Customer service AI chatbots can handle many questions and issues. For example, chatbots can respond to easy questions about where to find a function. They can offer price estimates based on algorithms.

They can even connect consumers directly with human agents. This keeps the customer from filling out an internet form and waiting for a response.

And bots are there when your customer needs them. Even at peak times, chatbots have no waiting. Plus, machine learning also means your bot gets better over time.

Chatbots can also connect customers with resources from your knowledge base. Then that content can be continually updated by user feedback. Wins all around.

4) Real-Time Communication

AI can do a lot, but that doesn’t mean people are obsolete. Even if you have chatbots, you still need human agents available for the trickier issues. And they should be available right now.

Because that’s what real-time means. Here are some examples of real-time communication channels:

Contact Centers

Phone calls may be taking a back seat to other channels, but some problems and some customers require it. For those occasions, it may make sense for you to maintain virtual call centers.

Internet of Things

The internet of things connects us through our devices and possessions. And these things offer opportunities for real-time communication.

Think about how Amazon allows customers to place orders through Alexa. There’s nothing more real-time than that!

Live Chat

Where chatbots and help centers leave off is where live chat takes off. Live chat software gives your business the chance to speak directly with customers online. However, humans run the chat instead of AI.

Efficient companies make chat easy to find. Take Netflix, for example. The support page offers a quick link to chat with an agent:

Source

Ticketing systems can combine perfectly with live chat, too. Robust systems (like Nextiva) let you tap into your knowledge base and automate customer service actions.

5) Social Media

Go beyond the algorithm and use social media to provide stellar customer service. Social media is about more than ads. Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn let customers vent about or celebrate a brand on their networks.

Here are some winning social media customer interactions:

Say thanks for kind words and recommendations.

If the customer has a complaint, solve it for them right on the post. Nothing shows off your commitment to service than actually showing it off.

Answer questions and offer resources.

Get out ahead of issues. Did your latest release have a confusing element? Explain it on social media and reach your followers right in their feed.

Show off your most useful or new features right in the feed. After all, they’re not going to open that new release email, but they are scrolling Instagram right now.

You work hard for customer engagement like views, comments, and follows, so get the most out of it. Social media is the ultimate in personalization. Businesses that use social use many customer service trends in one go. What’s not to “Like”?

6) Video

Even as our world gets more virtual, face-to-face customer service interactions are trending.

One look at YouTube or Skillshare shows that video is a powerful tool for delivering content. For Millennials and others, video is a natural fit. Here are some ways to use video in your customer service portfolio.

Webinars

Web-based seminars provide real-time, face-to-face content right to your customer’s device. Platforms like Zoom or Go To Webinar give help you manage attendees, personalize the platform, and run webinars. You can even record webinars for attendees to review later.

Online Meetings

Get up close and personal with face to face meetings throughout the customer journey.

From virtual demos during the sales process to educational meetings during onboarding, online meetings help you stay in touch with your customers. They build bonds you can’t create any other way.

Video Email

Email has long been a tool for stellar customer service. Take it to the next level with embedded video. Video emails have higher engagement too!

And you can deliver highly personalized and detailed communication right to an inbox. When you find yourself writing, “Sorry if this is too complicated,” consider a video email explaining the issue.

7) Personalization

Research says, “Consumers expect highly personalized shopping experiences from retailers and are willing to spend more money when brands deliver targeted recommendations.” (Source.)

The same research says 71% of consumers are frustrated by impersonal experiences. So, it’s clear that personalized customer service increase profits.

With so much at stake, it’s time to take personalization seriously.

Seamless In-Store to Online Experience

In-store employees should know what you purchased online. It’s all well and good to have an online store and an app, but they can’t live in a silo. Leverage an omnichannel approach and make all the info available to all stakeholders.

Accurate Recommendations

Recommendations should be on point. Since they drive impulse buys, they should be specific and personalized.

If not, you miss an opportunity for profit and invite screenshots of your ad on social media: #advertisingfail. Take Old Navy’s lead offer quality suggestions at every turn.

 Source

Get it Right, Fast

Brands should interact on a personal level right away. If a customer calls for help, your rep should know their purchase history. Should a customer comes from a social media post, tailor their experience around that.

8) Empowered Customer Service Representatives

Ticketing systems can empower your agents with knowledge. But go beyond that and enable them to take action. Virgin Atlantic’s customer service agents can reach out directly to customers—and customers can reach out directly to them. Talk about customer care!

Other companies give agents the go-ahead to offer solutions to problems without escalating issues. If a customer is angry on live chat, a real-time refund discount boosts customer satisfaction. Ritz-Carlton empowers reps to spend up to $2000 to make a customer happy.

Don’t make them wait while your rep asks management. Or worse, has to email the customer later. A good result builds the customer relationship.

Because your agents on the front lines of customer service, they may be the first to spot more widespread problems. Give your agents the channels they need to alert you or even solve the problems themselves.

9) Ticketing Systems

When customers interact with you on many channels, you must centralize customer issues.

Enter help desks and ticketing systems. Ticketing systems empower support teams with information at the right time. They can assign, redistribute, and collaborate to solve problems fast. This makes all touchpoints more productive.

For example, the rep can see past user behavior to see what they are having problems with.

This also provides a better experience for the consumer. Everyone they talk to knows what they are talking about. Plus reps can interface with the knowledge base to find the answers. And that’s even if they’ve never seen the problem before.

Ticketing systems also help businesses identify common pain points and issues. Quality systems offer high-level analytics so you can easily see and address trends.

10) Self-Service Options

Self-service happens when your customers can do the thing on their own. In fact, according to the Harvard Business Review, “81% of all customers attempt to troubleshoot themselves before reaching out to a live representative.”

Self-service customer support is the DIY of commerce. It can take many forms. But the main goal is that customers do what they need to do quickly and without help. And they thank you for it. Here are some self-service trends:

Serve Yourself

The original self-service is where you get it yourself. Once upon a time, we all had someone to pump our gas, check out our groceries, and bring food to our tables. Now customers dispense their own yogurt, scan their groceries, and do what they need to do without help.

Knowledge Base

A knowledge base is a central repository for information about your product. Think how-to documents, videos, and FAQs to help customers answer their questions. Can’t remember where to check your order status? Find out on the knowledge base.

Customizable Options

A long time ago, customization was done item by item, person by person. That’s if you could customize something at all. Used to be you had to fit into that one size or too bad. Now customers can customize interfaces, notifications, and more themselves.

11) Data-Driven Support

Data isn’t going away. But the newest trend is using it smarter to meet customer needs. Sure, it’s great to have lots of likes and lots of followers, but if people aren’t using your product, then those KPIs don’t help you.

Luckily, data collection these days goes way beyond likes, ticket resolution rates, or even customer satisfaction surveys. To provide the best customer experience, you need to invest in the technology to get the metrics that matter.

Then you need to properly use those analytics across all teams—not just at your help desk.

However, your help desk is a great place to look for key KPIs, especially if you have a robust ticketing system to lean on.

12) Blockchain and Distributed Ledger Technologies

Blockchain and other Distributed Ledger Technologies (DLT) are behind cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin.

The value of DLT goes to customer service goes way beyond cryptocurrency transactions. It’s about the new technologies involved in tracking each transaction.

e-Commerce is already figuring out how to use this evolving sector. Some potential benefits include:

More access to financial transactions to people currently outside the dominant systems.

Easier tracking from a central location.

Reduced or no-fee transactions.

This technology is still so young. We don’t know where it’s headed. But we know that now is the time to help plot that course.

Are You Ready for the Future of Customer Service?

The face of customer service continues to change and evolve. Successful businesses will test new ideas and create versions of their customer service strategy. This is good for customers and great for your bottom line.

What up and coming trends are you testing today? If so, how they are changing your customer service? Let us know!

Republished by permission. Original here.

Image: Nextiva

This article, “12 Customer Service Trends Your Business Should Follow” was first published on Small Business Trends

https://smallbiztrends.com/

The post 12 Customer Service Trends Your Business Should Follow appeared first on Unix Commerce.

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[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 6th January 2019

The twelve pop songs that weren’t Christmas are all in the top 13 along with a new arrival, so, yeah, essentially this week is the same as last week without a holiday. Everything that was below the top 40 just came back in spades, hence...

Returning Entries

There’s a ton. Let’s get all of the returning entries and drop-outs in our first, very busy week of 2019, done first. Let’s go, starting from what’s at the top to what’s at the bottom. “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is back at #14, “Baby” by Clean Bandit, Marina and Luis Fonsi is back at #15, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is back at #16, “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is back at #17, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is back at #18, “imagine” by Ariana Grande is back at #20, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is back at #21, “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is back at #22, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is back at #23, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is at #24, “The Greatest Show” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and the Greatest Showman Ensemble returns to #25 (this was the first song I ever reviewed on this series so it’s crazy to see it back pretty much exactly a year later), “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is back to #26, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is at #27, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is at #28 (and while I’m at it, “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott featuring Drake, Swae Lee and Big Hawk is back at #33), “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is at #29, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams comes back to #30, “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker lights up at #31, “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez jumps back to #32, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B rears its ugly head at #34, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa, the biggest song of the year in the UK (yes, the year-end has been released, and I’ll rank it on my Twitter), “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is at #38 (that one’s growing on me too...), “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando is at #39, and “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran rounds off the Top 40. Well, since all of these have had their own reviews on this series before, I might leave links on each song to where they’ve been reviewed or something, although my opinions have already changed. Oh, “Perfect” and “Mo Bamba” don’t have proper reviews yet but it’ll be redundant doing it now because I’ll just be covering them more in-depth on my best list anyway (sorry, spoilers). Now...

Dropouts

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so, every single Christmas song is out. “All I Want for Christmas for You” by Mariah Carey from #2, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! from #3, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl from #4, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid from #6, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé from #7, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis from #8, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens from #9, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John from #10, and the episode’s already half of a 1,000 words. Listen, sorry about all the changes in structure with the series, especially in this episode, but I asked on Twitter if you would rather have me review more songs and not bother with anything else, and no, it was decided by 80% to continue with the standard format in the poll, so, yeah, I guess I’ll have to do it like this for another year. Anyways, back to this nonsense. “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is out from #11, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard from #12, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande from #13, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee from #16, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade from #17, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir from #18 (God, that is a chore to type every week), “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney from #20 – may you rest in peace, you gorgeous novelty – “We Built this City on Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby from #21, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love from #22, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry from #23, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia from #24, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. from #26, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber from #28, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams from #29, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Jackson 5 from #30, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby from #31, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 from #36 – still not a Christmas song – “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson from #37, “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud from #38, and finally, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé is out from #39. That felt oddly therapeutic.

Now, there’s not a single song that fell this week, obviously, but there are a few that climbed outside of the Top 10, and they’re all rebounds from the avalanche.

Climbers

“Without Me” by Halsey is up three spots to #11, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is up 20 spaces to #12, and finally, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne is up a whopping 27 positions to #13. Now, with the chart finally rid of those pesky Christmas songs, welcome to 2019, everyone, and this is the state of British pop as the year turns around.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is spending its second week at #1 today, which is cool, I guess, but i don’t imagine it holding on for that long.

Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is up three spaces from last week to number-two, but now we’ve got some massive jumps from scattered within the top 40 straight to the top 10.

“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is up 16 positions to number-three.

At number-four, we have an 11-space increase for Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”.

Finally, in what feels like ages, we have a top 5 debut, with Post Malone having his ninth top 40 hit and sixth top 10 hit this week, as his new song “Wow.” enters at #5. We’ll talk about it at length later on.

At number-six, Lord help us, we have “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong up 21 spaces from last week. This is the best proof we’ve had since Mr. Blobby that the charts are ran by children.

“Shotgun” by George Ezra rebounds by 26 spots to number-seven for no good reason. Go away, please, for my own sanity.

Oh, joy, James Arthur too, with Anne-Marie for “Rewrite the Stars” up 17 spaces to number-eight.

Zara Larsson creeps her head into the top 10 as well after a 26-spot boost up to number-nine, making “Ruin My Life” her sixth top 10 hit in the UK.

Finally, Kodak Black’s “ZEZE” featuring Travis Scott and Offset is up an undeservedly high 24 places up to #10, rounding off our top 10 at way too many words for an episode that has yet to have any song reviews. I’ll try to keep them brief.

NEW ARRIVALS

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ

R-R-Russ? Huh... Never expected that name to ever pop up on here, to be honest. Russ seems to only be kind of big in the US but he’s never hit the top 40, and he’s pretty much just a running joke or meme in the hip hop community so I honestly never expected any Brits to take him seriously either but this is his new single, I guess, and it’s not great. It starts with a menacing piano line that could be kind of interesting but then Russ comes in with a British accent and—oh.

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ splash

BBC has called new UK rapper Russ splash “Russ” instead, but who really cares? He might as well be Russ because he doesn’t say anything of substance either, with a painfully simplistic hook and chorus that doesn’t really help his lyrical ability shine (if it exists). The heavy bass is obviously trying to be have that energetic old Lil Pump energy, but it doesn’t work when your song is three and a half minutes because this song is tiring as all hell. This is generic British rap that follows the formula to a T, and I hope it doesn’t rise. Speaking of following a formula...

#35 – “Money” – Cardi B

Sigh, I do like Cardi B, but she seems to have stopped bothering and that’s a big issue because that’s the main reason anyone liked her. It’s definitely not the lyrics and while it may be the beat, she always rides it with that loud, straightforward and powerful delivery she is known for, and when you stop trying in the booth, I feel like that appeal is going to squander, and this is her ninth top 40 hit in less than two years, so the fact that it’s going quick is an issue. Anyways, this is absolute garbage. The beats is literally like two piano notes just being violently played under trap percussion and bass, with a recurring high-pitched “Money” ad-lib that is trying to break up the monotony but, no, it’s just annoying. Cardi B sounds more ruthless on the verses, which may actually be kind of unfitting, but it works, although then she gets bored on the chorus. In fact, the transition is actually pretty abrupt and forced here. At least it’s shorter and has a few good flow switches, so it’s definitely better than “Gun Lean” in that respect, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

#19 – “Play” – Jax Jones featuring Years & Years

This is listed as a returning entry on BBC’s UK Top 40 page but this came out last year and I never reviewed so it’s safe to assume it’s new; I apologise if it isn’t, but I mean, would you care? The lead singer from Years & Years keeps up with a tiring atmospheric house beat, with meaningless lyrics and weak, radio-friendly drops that kind of take away its EDM properties immediately, I mean, the hook here isn’t that crazy of a vocal manipulation either like “One Kiss” or “Solo”, it’s just a pretty comprehensible phrase repeated and edited to sound a tad more distant. It’s so weak and pathetic, although the dude from Years & Years is trying so hard to fit on this beat, it’s kind of funny in that regard. Otherwise, yeah, who cares?

#5 – “Wow.” – Post Malone

Let me put it this way: my sister loves Post Malone for many reasons, one of which being his music, and she’s consistently loved a lot of what I’ve hated from Post like “I Fall Apart” (which is still a gruelling and confusing song to this day, read my worst list if you want to see me go into depth), but not even she could dig this, but I think I know why – she took it seriously. The tuneless keys is the only real build-up we get until Post comes in and there’s a cool noisy melody that ends with a high-pitched screech, and yeah, it’s a pretty awesomely minimal and menacing beat, so surely Post should add a lot to this... well, he literally has a whole line that is just “G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon”, but otherwise his delivery is on-point (I love his voice right at the end at the second verse), his flows are catchy, his lyrics are serviceable and sometimes pretty funny, and every single beat drop here is beautiful, seriously, that’s some perfect production from Frank Dukes and Louis Bell. After Post stops rapping, there’s a period of time where it’s just the distorted melody over some reverb-drowned drums with a chipmunk vocal coming in and him just ad-libbing “wow”, and it’s stunning. It’s not going to replace Beck’s song of the same title and in the same vein (seriously, it’s a trap-rap song too), but this is cool.

Conclusion

This week was mostly trap, huh? Well, Post Malone gets Best of the Week for “Wow.” but Russ splash is definitely bagging Worst of the Week for the dreadful “Gun Lean”. Dishonourable Mention is tied, and goes to Jax Jones, Years & Years and Cardi B for “Play” and “Money”, respectively. Not  a great start, guys. See you next week!

n

[jenguerrero]

#hendrikvarju #mexicandinnerparties #passionforwood

Ever walk out of a good, traditional-style Mexican restaurant and think you wish you could do that at home? I’ve got the book for you, Mexican Dinner Parties!

The author’s mother’s from Mexico and his father’s from Hungary. He grew up in Canada. His mom taught him to cook the family dishes to preserve their family heritage and now the author created this book for his kids as a family heirloom. It’s a charming story for sure, but it makes the book very special in another way. My kids are in the kitchen with me a lot, and they learn so much that way. They get coached and always hear what they’re looking for. The author does that in this book. It shows up mostly in the opening techniques pages. He doesn’t just give you the recipe for tortillas, he shows you photos of what your dough should look like, and also what it shouldn’t look like and why. It has that personal coaching feel. You will absolutely be able to master everything in the book with a little practice.

Since it’s getting a little cooler outside, it’s perfect grilling weather. I picked a recipe from the grilling party, Grilled Flank Steak Tacos with Orange Chipotle Sauce. I chose this recipe because it’s delicious and easy peasy. Big bang for the buck. Thank you to Hendrik Varju for letting me share it with you. I’ll tell you all about the book after that recipe.

Tortillas: To Make or Not to Make?

In my humble opinion, a homemade tortilla does as much as the filling. If you know that’s not your thing and you’re going to buy tortillas, they’ll still be awesome. You do you. But if you want to make tortillas, the learning curve is super easy! If you just make homemade tortillas with an easy-peasy filling you know by heart the first time, you will be effortlessly rewarded!

What do you need? It depends on if you’re team flour or corn. We love both.

With flour, you just use a rolling pin and need no fancy equipment. You don’t use a press.

If you want to make corn, you really need a tortilla press. I have two. They both work beautifully and do the same job. The black iron one, I bought from Amazon, and it’s nice and cheap – $25. The wooden one is gorgeous, no? I picked that up from an amazing Mexican import store in Taos, NM for about $60. Sorry, no link, but if you’re headed to Taos, you should go. They have the best collection of gleefully painted metal sculptures I’ve even seen. A lot of them are in my kitchen now – lol!

Victoria Cast Iron Tortilla Press

I like to use a tortilla warmer ($9) to buy myself a little wiggle room and keep my tortillas warm while I get everything else together. You just pop them in as you finish making them. There’s microwave directions if you are buying them, but I haven’t tried that out. You pop it in the wash machine when you’re done.

Grilled Flank Steak Tacos with Orange Chipotle Sauce

Serves 8

Beef is expensive these days, but you can feed a crowd with flank steak tacos very reasonably because you only need a few thin slices per taco. The combination of beefy flank steak, cooked medium rare, orange chipotle sauce and sweet caramelized onions is just phenomenal. Your guests will love it.

A lot of people are surprised to see paprika in Mexican recipes, thinking paprika is either Spanish or Hungarian. While it is true that Spain and Hungary are the world leaders today in paprika use and production, where do you think paprika originated? In the same country where every chile pepper in the world first originated: Mexico!

It has now been proven by scientists that all peppers in the world originated in Mexico, meaning that peppers did not exist in any other country before 1519 when the Spaniards landed in Mexico. The ancient Mexicans invented paprika as a way to preserve peppers by drying them in the sun or over a fire and then grinding them into a powder. And the rest is history. You have no idea how many amazing food products originated in Mexico, from Avocados and tomatillos to chocolate and vanilla bean. And if it weren’t for Mexico, the tomato would have never made its debut in Europe. Can you imagine Italian food today without the tomato!?

Ingredients: 1 whole flank steak, about 1 ¾ pounds ½ Tablespoon paprika ½ Tablespoon hot paprika ½ Tablespoon smoked paprika 1 teaspoon garlic powder ½ teaspoon cumin, ground 1 teaspoon kosher salt ½ teaspoon black pepper, freshly ground ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil 1 very large white onion cut into spears (julienne) ½ cup orange chipotle sauce (see ancillary recipe which follows) 16 100% corn tortillas (buy them, or make them yourself) 1 cup cilantro, leaves only, torn into smaller pieces 2 limes, each cut into 8 wedges ½ cup salsa of your choice

Method: Place all three kinds of paprika, the garlic powder, cumin, salt, and black pepper in a bowl and combine with a whisk or fork. Coat the flank steak generously with the dry rub, massaging it right into the meat. Place in a glass casserole dish, covered, and refrigerate for an hour or two to allow the flavors to penetrate. Remove from the fridge a half hour before you are ready to grill.

Heat the grill on high and brush with some cooking oil so the meat doesn’t stick. Then sear the steak on one side for 3 to 4 minutes. Turn and sear the second side for another 3 to 4 minutes. Lower the heat to low, and depending on the thickness of the flank steak, it may be cooked to medium rare within just a few more minutes. You can make an incision into the meat “along the grain” to check for doneness. Do not cut across the grain or the juices will run out and result in dry meat.

Flank steak is best served medium rare, as it will be tough if cooked for too long. When it reaches medium rare, or just under, cover loosely with foil on a cutting board and allow it to rest for 10 to 15 minutes before carving.

While you allow the meat to rest, heat up a large skillet over medium high heat. Add the olive oil and as soon as a puff of white smoke appears, pour in all the onion spears. Turn the heat down to medium and fry the onions until slightly golden brown. This will take about 10 to 15 minutes. Add salt to taste.

When ready to serve, pour the orange chipotle sauce into a large heat proof bowl. Cut the flank steak into thin slices across the grain and drop them into the same bowl. After all the steak slices are in the bowl, toss them around to coat them well with the sauce.

In the meantime, a helper can heat the tortillas on the hot grill (or in a hot skillet on a side burner), getting a few char marks on both sides. Stack the tortillas inside a tortilla warmer, or inside of a kitchen towel in a basket.

Serve each person two tacos with three to four slices of flank steak inside of each tortilla. Then top with some fried onions, cilantro, a splash of lime juice, and about a tablespoon of salsa.

Ancillary Recipe: Orange Chipotle Sauce

Makes ½ cup

You’ve never seen a recipe this simple for a sauce. There are just three ingredients: chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, orange juice, and some salt. Certain flavors go together beautifully, like oranges and chocolate or basil and tomatoes. Well, I also think oranges pair beautifully with deep, meaty flavors, so it’s a natural pairing with beef. I even like this sauce on charred pork shoulder, charred chicken wings, and other meats. The charred flavor is best because chipotles also have a deep, smoky flavor aside from the heat itself.

I have to say that chipotle peppers in adobo sauce are so delicious and complex that you can use them to improve almost any soup or stew recipe, Mexican or not. The next time you make a stew, goulash, or some type of tomato based stew, puree one canned chipotle pepper and throw it in. It adds depth of flavor and heat at the same time. Remove the seeds and veins first if you don’t want too much heat.

Ingredients: 2 canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce ½ cup orange juice (regular or pulp free is up to you) ½ teaspoon kosher salt

Method: Remove the seeds and veins if you prefer and drop the canned chipotle peppers into a measuring cup or tall beaker. Add the orange juice and salt, and puree with an immersion blender to make a super thin sauce. It can be used as is. However, sometimes I will double or triple the quantity of orange juice and then cook the sauce. <I tripled it, tossed it in the Vitamix, then simmered it to concentrate that orange flavor. ~Jen>

In that case, pour the sauce into a saucepan on the stove. Bring it to a boil over medium heat and then lower the heat to a simmer. Allow it to cook without a lid for 20 to 30 minutes. As the water from the orange juice evaporates and the natural juice concentrates, you’ll end up with a thicker sauce with a more complex flavor. Add the thicker consistency clings better to foods.

As I said, this sauce is amazing on grilled meats of all kinds. But you can also pour it over desserts, including ice cream. If you like spicy food like I do, you welcome peppers even on desserts like ice cream and cheesecake.

Continuing my review…

Mexican Dinner Parties Hendrik Varju Format: Hardcover

The book’s organized by party. There’s one chapter for each party from start to finish including time-table strategies to make planning easy for the cook. The parties are: 1-Traditional Mexican Menu, 2-A Mexican Grilling Party, 3-Pozole Party! A Cold Weather Menu, 4-A Gourmet Mexican Menu, and 5-Gourmet Menu with an Aztec/Mayan Twist.

I started with the grilling party. Here’s my thoughts and pics of the dishes we tried: 1-3) Corn Flour Tortillas – p 21. Okay, I have a few tortilla presses and have made them plenty of times before. I usually use a Ziploc bag that I cut open on the sides to line the tortilla press. He recommends the cheap sack your groceries come in. I tried it and laughed. It does come off more easily!

4) Mexican Sangria – p 85. Delicious. I used a $3 Shiraz from TJs and that was terrific. His is unusual because there’s no secondary alcohol in it. He uses sparkling water instead which is nice and light.

5) Quick Salsa Roja – p 86. Great salsa! I don’t usually heat mine and enjoyed it warm and thick.

6) The Best Guacamole You’ve Ever Had – p 89. We loved the coriander and radish additions. Lovely fresh taste.

7) Mexican Watermelon Salad – p 91. Love the watermelon and salami combination. It’s reminiscent of a prosciutto melon dish.

8) Mexican Corn on the Cob – p 93. Delicious. I went with the optional queso fresco because I had it in the fridge.

9) Grilled Flank Steak Tacos with Orange Chipotle Sauce – p 99 & 102. These were delicious! I let the rub sit on the meat all day to really let the flavor penetrate before grilling. The orange chipotle sauce has so much flavor for just two ingredients. I did add more liquid and simmered it for more concentrated flavor as he mentions. I added a little zest from the orange, too, since I was already juicing it.

10) Queso Frito with Charred Tomato & Poblano Pepper Broth – p 119. This blew my mind. It’s a queso dish for the low carb people out there. Killer flavor. You char poblanos over the open flame and toss the other vegetables under the broiler for deep flavor development. These were supposed to get garnished with cilantro at the end. Yeah, I saw that on the counter when I went to clean up. Nice excuse for a do-over, don’t you think? He has you pan fry the cheese. If you had the grill going, I think you could do it that way, too. I like to grill halloumi which he has listed as an alternate cheese choice.

11) Enchiladas Rojas de Pollo – p 69. These are outstanding. I usually sauce and bake off my enchiladas at the end. This is different. He has you quickly fry the tortillas, fill and roll them and top them with the sauce and other garnishes. They’re crispy. The sauce itself is close to a mole. It’s got a haunting flavor with some gorgeous bitterness to it. Total keeper. It’s one of those finish it off right at the last second as you hand it to your guests kind of recipe, but totally worth it. If you get a buddy to help, one can fry the tortillas as the other rolls.

12) Mexican Red Rice – p 75. Great rice. Nothing shocking, but just right.

Some others I have flagged to try: Huevos Rancheros with Quail Eggs, Salsa Verde & Chorizo – p 59 * Chicken Sopes – p 61 * Flan with Caramel Sauce – p 77 * Gelatina de Tres Leches with Kahlua – p 107 * Mexican Cinnamon Hot Chocolate – p 113 * Pozole Rojo – p 131 * Avocado Mango Pico de Gallo – p 151 * Flank Steak Salad with Potatoes and Avocado – p 187 * Agua de Jamaica – p 213

*I received a copy to explore and share my thoughts.

I’m an Amazon affiliate. Any time you make a purchase using one of my links to make a purchase, I get a tiny percentage. Thank you!

Mexican Dinner Parties

Victoria Cast Iron Tortilla Press

Tortilla Warmer

  Grilled Flank Steak Tacos with Orange Chipotle Sauce recipe and Cookbook review: Mexican Dinner Parties #hendrikvarju #mexicandinnerparties #passionforwood Ever walk out of a good, traditional-style Mexican restaurant and think you wish you could do that at home?