#the two genders are not “looks exactly like real life” and “everything else”

[cyberphuck]

*hands over face*

[skteezcursed]

❝MY EVERYTHING❞ — c.jh (request)

PAIRING. choi jongho x fem!reader.

SYNOPSIS. jongho has always been your person, as well as you were his. neither of you knew exactly when everything shift from friendship to love, neither knew how madly in love either were. you trusted him blindly. he would move mountains for you. all you both needed to do was to say the three little words.

GENDER. smut. pure fluff.

AU/TROPES. best friends to lover. idiots in love. college au. jongho is a simp.

RATING. R (+18) - MDNI.

WARNINGS. soft sex. cunnilingus. handjob. blowjob. fingering. dry humping/thigh riding. unprotected sex (pull out method and please don’t do this). cock warming (kinda). let me know if i forgot anything.

WORD COUNT. 12k (a little more than you requeste but i did it haha).

NOTES. english is not my first language. jongho is the sweetest. all the boys pariticipate, but mostly WooSanSang. this story is for pookie minnie (@yourlocaljonghoe), hope you like it, sorry for the delay. thank you @bro-atz for being the beta! bye ♡.

IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraing how any of the people quoted here are in real life.

CREDS. dividers by cafekitsune ♡

                It was ridiculously pathetic, it had to be.

                There was no way everything could possibly get better, feel better, just be better because you entered a space, and yet, the rays of sunshine felt like they shine brighter, the wind of early fall could be felt on his skin (as if he wasn't in the closet out space of the library), the hushed conversations quickly muffled as all his eyes could see was you entering the library with your laptop and books in hand, your bag hanging from your shoulder as your hand took some of the hair away from your face.

                He knew it was wrong, to feel the things he felt for you, you were his best friend after all, but he just couldn’t control it. You have always been there for him during middle and high school, people used to joke that you two were a couple, he had even helped you get away from unwanted attention, that was probably when it all started, when he started to look at you differently, when your touch started to burn his skin in a good way, when the butterflies in his stomach stopped being from anxiety and started to be because you were close to him, your hand in some part of his body, or simply when your eyes found his, followed or not by a small smile.

                It was only when you sat in front of him that he realized how he was staring, feeling his ears turn red but thankfully your attention was mostly focused on your things. Both had different subjects as you two were from different courses, but you always find time to study together, even if just for a bit, a habit you both got mainly thanks to how difficult high school had been.

                “How were your classes? I thought you’d be here only later.”

                “Last one got canceled,” he tried not to focus on your face, rather at your hands and how you splattered everything at the table, making a small smile appear on his lips. “You know you don’t need to bring your whole house to your classes and such, right?”

                “As if you don’t always try to get at least one of these from me whenever we study together,” you laughed before throwing an eraser in his direction which he easily catches, making you roll your eyes. “Anyway, do you mind if someone joins our study session?”

                “Someone?”

                It wasn’t common for that to happen, mostly because either of you had a project together with someone else, but since classes had barely started, it didn’t really made sense for someone else to enter your little study sessions.

                “Yeah, he’s actually my senior, we gonna help each other out in two different projects,” if you had been paying attention, you’d notice how Jongho’s eyes widened slightly and how his Adam’s apple went up and down nervously. He had seen you before with other guys, going out and having fun, but it always caught him off guard when you asked first, since the last time you asked if someone could join, ‘they’ ended up becoming your boyfriend. “He’s super nice I promise you’ll like him! His name is Seonghwa and he’s the sweetest!”

                “Oh, yeah,” he tried to compose himself a little so you wouldn’t notice the frown on his face or how slightly annoyed he was. Although he didn’t really expect you to see through his actions or wait for him to finally grow a pair and finally ask you out, it still hurt the fact that everything didn’t seem anything other than a friend caring for another, “is he coming now or?”

                “(y/n)?” Both raised your heads as a figured stood beside you, making Jongho hide his jealousy the best he could. The man was one of the most wanted guys on college. Perfect slick back hair, perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect height, perfect body, perfectly polite, a gentleman if all, and he had his eyes focused on you, as your smile spread widely as his presence was noted. “Hope I didn’t take too long, had to fix a few things with the teacher.”

                So, he was supposed to join regardless of what Jongho said? What if he said no? Would you still have had Seonghwa joining in on your session?

                “Hey Seonghwa! It’s okay, don’t worry!” You two exchanged quick hugs before you pointed to Jongho. “This is the guy I was telling you about, Jongho!”

                “Oh, the famous Jongho! Hello!” Famous?, Seonghwa’s hand was stretched out to Jongho who quickly took it, a polite smile on his lips as Seonghwa took the chair on your side. “I’m so sorry to barge in and wanting to do this fast, I just -”

                “It’s okay, I know,” God and you gave him that smile? Jongho quickly lowered his head, trying to focus on the book in front of him, trying to ignore how you and Seonghwa giggled at each other. “- right, Jjong?”

                His head quickly raised at the sound of his name leaving your lips, finding both you and Seonghwa staring back at him, before clearing his own throat trying to buy a little bit of time.

                “Yeah, sure,” that was the right answer, or at least he hoped, although he knew he would say yes to whatever you asked of him. As he watched your smile widening, he couldn’t help but smile himself, but once your attention shifted to Seonghwa, who also had a big smile, something shifted in him, not going unnoticed by the senior. “I- I have to go though -”

                “What already?” You whined making his movements stop for a second, Seonghwa’s eyes not missing the interaction between you and your best friend. “I just got here! We were supposed to go to the diner later on our way back!”

                “I won’t be long, I just needed to check all the details,” Seonghwa’s voice was quick, his gaze shifting between you and Jongho, “sorry to interrupt, we talk later, yes? I’ll text you!”

                He had your number already?, Jongho cursed himself at that thought, he was your senior, you were doing a project together, of course he would have your number, but why did that bother him so much?

                “Ok, we’ll talk more later, I’ll also check with Mingi and Yunho about when you can come over so we can start the project!”

                “I’ll try to reason with Hongjoong, but with Eden’s last feedback he got into his own head and -”

                “I get it!” You cut him with a smile, Jongho’s eyes observing everything, how your smile would widen, and a small giggle came out at Seonghwa’s words, how his eyes would linger a little longer on your face before falling down and back up. “I’ll text you once I get back from the boys, okay?”

                “Yeah sure! Thank you (y/n), you are a life saver and,” as the seniors voice trailed away, Jongho realized he was now the focus of the attention as you eyed him pointing your head towards Seonghwa, who studied Jongho’s reactions, “thank you Jongho, it’s really nice to meet you, I’m happy to have finally met (y/n)’s best friend after all the things she said about you.”

                “What did she say?” His eyes traveled down to you who lowered your head, but he could still see the red tips of your ears and the shy smile on your lips before looking back at Seonghwa who had his eyebrows slightly raised at the two of you. Clearing his throat, Jongho turned his attention to the senior. “Either way, it was a pleasure to meet you too Seonghwa.”

                The older one just nodded with a small smirk your way before kissing the top of your head and walk out of the library. Jongho’s leg bouncing like crazy under the desk, trying to not demonstrate how that small interaction made his intestines twist, his jealous curiosity trying to figure it out how did you two got so close so fast. It was only when he saw your raised eyebrows that he notices he had been staring, again.

                “Okay, spit it out,” you crossed your arms on top of the book, your eyes analyzing his face, “he is nice, you seemed to like him, so why that frown on your head is present?”

                “I don’t have a frown,” the bouncing getting worse as he turned his eyes away from you, who quickly kicked his still leg under the table, getting a surprised look. “That hurt,” you just smiled tilting your head making him sigh, “how long have you known him though? You plan on having him at your place, are the guys okay with that?”

                A shadow of confusion crossed your face before a wide cocky smile take place as you pointed your pen to him.

                “You didn’t listen to anything we talked about, did you?” Jongho sighs and lower his head before hearing you scoff and kick him again, making him eye you annoyed. “You didn’t listen to what you agreed and now you are jealous?”

                “I’m not jealous,” although he tried to change the topic, you didn’t bulge, throwing the pen you were holding towards him, making him glare at you before shaking his head. “Okay, maybe I didn’t listen to everything, but that doesn’t mean I’m jealous!”

                “If you say so,” the victorious smile you had almost made Jongho say something, but what he really wanted was to kiss that away. So what he was jealous? “Either way, you better control your not-jealous face tomorrow, Hwa and Joong are already -”

                “Why tomorrow?” You eyed him shaking your head. “What did I agree to?”

                “You’ll find out tomorrow once we arrive at Hwa’s place.”

                “You barely know him and you calling him ‘Hwa’ and planning on going to his house and-”

                “With you,” you cut him slightly annoyed but still amused, you loved when Jongho showed his jealous and protective side, trying to ignore how your heart was beating out of your chest because of that, “I’m going there with you tomorrow, as you agreed, and while you do what you agreed, me and Seonghwa will work on our projects.”

                “And what the hell am I doing there?”

                The cheeky smile you sent his way make him swallow hard, before you shake your head focusing back on your books.

                “That’s on you for not paying attention and agreeing to something you don’t even know what it is.”

                Although he tried his best, he couldn’t hold back a smile at your words and the smile you sent him. He couldn’t tell you he just said yes without thinking because it was you who had asked him. He couldn’t pretend he would say ‘yes’ to whatever it was that you might ask of him. He was down bad for his best friend, that was the truth as much as he tried to hide it.  

                “Earth to lover boy!” Before he could process, one of the cushions of the couch found his head making Jongho glare at two of his roommates, noticing as they exchanged smiles, San shaking his head, as Wooyoung appeared to be having the time of this life. “What did you and (y/n) do today? You are more distant than usual.”

                “Nothing happened, what you talking about?”

                Jongho sigh and joined them on the couch, San’s eyes lingered on the youngest one a little longer, but before anyone could say anything, Yeosang appeared on the hall, a towel on his shoulder and his clothes in a basket, a knowing smile on his lips, making all the other frown.

                “You are not a good liar Jjong,” Yeosang laughed putting his laundry in as all three waited patiently for the older one to emerge. “I saw you three at the library.”

                “Three?”

                San and Wooyoung said in unison, but Jongho lips were sealed shut, cursing Yeosang as his smile grew wider. The eldest was an innocent angel most of the times, but he could be even more wicked than Wooyoung when he wanted to.

                “Jjong and (y/n) were talking when Park Seonghwa entered the library joining them.”

                “Wait, THE Park Seonghwa?”

                Yeosang nodded at San’s question, both quick to understand why Jongho was sulking so much, but Wooyoung needed more, he always needed more and Jongho was starting to serious considering killing his best friends at that moment.

                “The Park Seonghwa? Perfect, handsome, hot looking guy Park Seonghwa? The one that can have any pussy and dick he wants at any time, just by looking at someone?” San and Yeosang tried to hide a laugh as Jongho’s head slightly turned to focus on the second youngest that was still processing the fact that Seonghwa had been around Jongho and you in the afternoon. “Oh, I’m not condemning (y/n), that dick is probably a 10/10!”

                “Woo!”

                The other two said the same time Jongho’s fist found Wooyoung’s arm, make the other complain in pain holding his arm.

                “What? If Jjong isn’t gonna act he can’t be mad if other guys show interest in (y/n)!” Everyone knew Wooyoung was right, Jongho even sigh holding his head down, the image of you and Seonghwa still carved in his brain. “Look, (y/n) is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, any guy would want a girl like that, you can’t blame Seonghwa for that, but,” all eyes turned to him, a cheeky grin on Wooyoung’s lips before he focused on Jongho, “that doesn’t mean you are out of the race, not until he asks and she accepts being with him.”

                “Wooyoung is right,” San said with a smile, following the line of the thoughts Wooyoung was trying to show, Yeosang quickly joining them, also understanding what his friend was saying, all three receiving a head shake from Jongho. “C’mon Jjong, you know Woo is right!” As Jongho lifted his head, the others tried to hide a smile, maybe this time he’d listen and finally ask you out. “Why don’t you ask her out tomorrow? Go to the diner, pretend is a normal day and ask her out, ask her to give you a chance, but check first if her and Seonghwa aren’t together.”

                “We are going to Seonghwa’s apartment tomorrow,” a groan escapes all their mouths, but Yeosang was quick to stand up, his thinking face making itself visible for all of them. “What is it Yeo?”

                “Know your enemy!” All the others kept waiting for Yeosang to finish as we shook his head seating back down, a smart smile on his lips. “First, do you know why you two going to his house?” Jongho shook his head making the others giggle.

                “He was probably too busy staring at (y/n).”

                Jongho joked he was gonna hit Wooyoung again, making the second youngest try to hide behind San, making the other three laugh.

                “I mean, you are not entirely wrong,” he sighs and noticed the other three waiting for him to explain what had happened, “I mean, once he was there, I tried to ignore how she was looking at him, I mean, have you seen the guy?!” All the other nodded, but Jongho ignored sighing, the image of you smiling and giggling with Seonghwa coming back into his mind like a slap in the face. “So, I tried to focus on my studies, which didn’t really work, until she asked me a question and I just nodded agreeing -”

                “Yeah, because you are down bad!”

                “A simp of the worst kind!”

                “Bet you were just trying not to get caught drooling over her.”

                He scoffs shaking his head at his best friends’ remarks, getting out the couch hearing them complaining before turning with a hidden smile.

                “Look, I know I’m a simp okay? How could I not be? Not when she looks and acts like that!”

                “I mean, she’s not too far behind you, so -”

                “What you talking about, San?”

                The older ones exchanged looks. It wasn’t uncommon for them to turn to Jongho saying you had a crush on him, that they could tell, but he never really bought that, always thinking they were playing with him, so they had stopped talking about it, even if it was obvious how you two looked at each other whenever you were in the same space.

                “The same way you are down bad for her, she is for you.”

                Jongho scoffed and the other three rolled their eyes.

                “She could have Park Seonghwa on around her pinky! Why would she want me?”

                “I agree, I never said she was good in the head,” the face Jongho made brought a laugh to the two older ones as Wooyoung was quick on his feet with his hands in front of him asking for Jongho to wait for him to finish, “look, all I’m saying is that you two are blind when it comes to each other, okay? You may not see the way she looks at you, but everyone else does.”

                “Why you think people don’t usually come at her asking for a date?” Yeosang continued, standing up just like Wooyoung, standing in front of Jongho with arched eyebrows. “You may be a teddy bear, but you are fucking scary when you want and the looks you give to any guy that approaches her gives us the chills!”

                “She dated before, what you guys talking about?”

                “She dated because she was tired of waiting for you and someone else took the initiative,” San joined the other two in front of Jongho making the younger one groan in frustration, “look, we don’t know if (y/n) and Seonghwa are together or something, it may be just a homework thing, Seonghwa is an outgoing person, he talks to a lot of people, it may not be what you think.”

                “You didn’t see the way he looked at her.”

                “Was it anything like you look at her?”

                “What was that supposed to mean Yeosang?”

                “Did it look like she held the sun, moon and stars, the air in his lungs, like a ray of sunshine after a gloomy day, or -”

                “I don’t look at her like that,” he cut Wooyoung making all the other three leave snarky smiles at that comment. “Do I look at her like that?”

                “Only when you know she’s not looking at you.”

                San commented putting a hand on Jongho’s shoulder pulling him back to the couch and seating him down by the shoulders, the other three circled him with knowing smiles, maybe that was the last push he needed to finally grow a pair and talk to you about his feelings, feelings everyone knew you also had for him, except himself.

                “Fine, what do I have to do?”

                He was a coward.

                He was the most coward person you could ever find.

                In his defense, you ended up going to the house first, so he couldn’t bring up anything before, as originally planned and, once he arrived, you were already working on your project with Seonghwa in the living room as you two guided him to meet with Hongjoong.

                He needed someone to sing this ballad he had done, but the lyrics were still a mess, and his voice wasn’t as fitting for the song as was expected, the instrumental was almost done, but without the person to sing it, it felt hollow, broken, exactly like the words Eden used to described one of Hongjoong’s latest works.

                If he was honest, Jongho liked the lyrics and the instrumental, he knew the song was incomplete, but he liked it nonetheless, the instrumentals were heavenly, as you were so quick to say once Hongjoong finally showed you what he was working on. That was when all his courage fell into pieces.

                “Hongjoong! How is this even better than before the summer break? You are a music genius, don’t listen too much into Eden’s words!”

                And you kissed him.

                On the cheek.

                But it was still a kiss.

                Seonghwa’s hands firm on your waist, Hongjoong holding your hand with a shy smile.

                You and Seonghwa being way too comfortable with each other never made so much sense until that point. You two were hooking up, or almost at it. His hand always on you, waist, hip, shoulder, arm, you name it! He had lost his chance, again.

                “- that’s why Jongho is here, right bear?”

                Your eyes lit up to find his, a shadow of something caught you off guard, but he quickly nodded, the shadow no longer there, but still made you question what had happened.

                “Yeah sure, but I still don’t know how much of a help I can be.”

                “Our little angel said your voice is incredible, we need someone to sing that song Joong is writing.”

                Our little angel.

                God he just wanted to die at that moment.

                All the others noticed something was wrong, but as you stepped closer, Hongjoong quickly moved his chair as Seonghwa pulled you closer to him.

                “Look, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, (y/n) showed us some of the recordings from your singing and you have one of the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard and I could also use of another music major for this, you’ll have your credit, don’t worry about that, but I want this to be memorable, perfect even, and I think you can help me achieve that if we work together.”

                It was a love song.

                You could easily tell by the guide Hongjoong had done with the lyrics he had it done, adding the soft melodic instruments the song was incredibly powerful. Jongho’s eyes found yours, they had concern in them, you were blaming yourself for the discomfort he was feeling, probably because you knew he was shy and singing in front of millions – although it was his dream – was still something too far away to grasp, even with the tips of his fingers.

                The fact you had showed them the singing videos, how they acted around you, their little angel, it was more than obvious to him that you and Seonghwa were a thing, you were just trying to find a way to let him know. Hell, he knew you loved to hear him sing, maybe he could use that song to let you know how he felt, all the feelings he harbored for you could go into that song, a small letting go present. He could never be with you, because regardless of his friends’ avid points, you weren’t in love with him like he was with you.

                In love.

                God how something so beautiful can be such a painful thing?

                “I’ll do it.”

                And that was how he found himself in Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s place every other weekend. He and Hongjoong working on the song, while you and Seonghwa were somewhere in the apartment as he tried not to notice whenever your laugh became too loud or you two became too quiet, trying not to focus on the idea that you two might be in his room while he was -

                “What’s up with you today?”

                The song was quickly cut out as Hongjoong stared at Jongho, your muffled laugh and scream managing to pass the soundproof situation Hongjoong created so they could work on the music before using the studio the music students were allowed in only for the final version.

                “Nothing is wrong, sorry, I’ll focus I -”

                Both were cut as steps were felt on the other side of the door and Hongjoong noticed how Jongho’s face fell as your muffled scream was heard along with Seonghwa’s laugh.

                “You do know they are just friends, right?” Jongho’s eyes peaked up at the ‘friends’ word, trying to ignore the smirk that appeared on the elder’s face. “God you two are infuriating, Hwa was right, damn it.”

                “What you talking about? They are just friends? But -”

                “Seonghwa is in a relationship,” Jongho stopped talking at that, waiting as Hongjoong sighed raising his eyebrows, “me and him are together, we call (y/n) our angel because otherwise we wouldn’t have happened.”

                “So… All of this… What -”

                “You two are just as idiots as we were,” Hongjoong got up from the chair getting closer to Jongho that was still processing the information, “your voice wasn’t the only reason why we made her talk to you to participate, but also because we wanted to be sure you were just as into her as she is into you.”

                “Oh,” he said as he tried to ignore the image of Wooyoung saying ‘I told you so’ popping into his mind. “How can you be sure?”

                “Because she told us,” at Jongho’s shocked eyes Hongjoong laughed loudly before going towards the computer playing the song they have been working on for the past month, as it came to an end, the elder’s eyes found the younger ones at the ground. “Did you write those parts thinking about her?”

                “That obvious?” Jongho sat down on the couch looking into the sheet of paper with the lyrics, missing the way Hongjoong eyed him. “She’s my best friend Hongjoong, I- I can’t fuck this up and lose her, what if -”

                “Can I suggest something?” Jongho’s eyes lifted to meet with Hongjoong’s analytical ones, a simple nod was all he managed to give in response. “Tomorrow you two leave early, you take her back to your place, we’ll talk to Yunho and Mingi and make them find a way to keep her away from the house, you get your roommates out and shoot your shot, but do it properly, she deserves something great after all the time you made her wait.”

                Having only Wooyoung, Yeosang and San up his ass about you was nothing compared into having Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi as well. Unlucky for him, Seonghwa easily got one of his roommates’ numbers, since he already had Yunho and Mingi’s, and it was easy to make a group chat which made Jongho almost killed Wooyoung for the nth time every time he saw the group chat name pop up.

wooyoung @ please get the baby laid okay, so san is taking care of the fort with yeo I’m almost done with the food, who is coming to pick us up?

yunho @ please get the baby laid I will, if hwa and joong do it she’ll suspect

mingi @ please get the baby laid she already suspects something is up bc we said she cant come home

yunho @ please get the baby laid yeah, bc your excuse was shit

hongjoong @ please get the baby laid it was a horrible excuse, but since it was mingi she let it slide

seonghwa @ please get the baby laid also bc jjong distracted her with books and a trip to the cafe

wooyoung @ please get the baby laid so I made dinner for nothing?

san @ please get the baby laid ignore him, we ready, we leaving the food in the oven

yeosang @ please get the baby laid yunho don’t forget to grab the chocolate bouquet on your way over!

yunho @ please get the baby laid I wont, I’m on my way!

                “Are you cheating on me?” Jongho never locked his phone a put it away as fast as in that moment, making you raise your eyebrows and open your mouth slightly. “Who is she? Is she prettier than me?”

                “Of course not, you are the most beautiful person to walk on earth,” that wasn’t a lie in his view, it was also something he would casually drop at you from time to time, you knew that, but still, always surprised you, awakening the butterflies in your stomach you tried to always keep dormant. “I may be an idiot but I’m not that idiot to be cheating on my favorite girl in this world.”

                Ever since yesterday Jongho decided to be bolder, to show more of his true intentions to you, his true feelings, and he was loving every hint of pink and red he could see on your face and ears. It almost made him realize that, maybe, this may work. That the others were right and you both felt the same thing, and God he wish it would be true.

                “You can’t say shit like that Jjong!”

                “Why not? It’s not a lie.”

                Maybe, but you playing with my feelings is a problem, you wanted to scream that at him. Cursing him over and over thanks to all the things he had awoken at the same time in you since the day before once you two left Hwa and Joong’s apartment. You couldn’t lie and pretend you weren’t enjoying the attention, not that you liked the fact that Seonghwa and Hongjoong forgot to tell both of you they had a date with tickets they bought a few weeks prior, or even the fact that Mingi said you couldn’t go home until late at night, you knew he probably would have someone over and wouldn’t want you or Yunho to hear him, so you were more than happy when Jongho said his roommates wouldn’t be home and you could stay there as long as you wanted.

                You just didn’t expect all the flirting he was doing, but you would never complain.

                “People may think something else,” you focused on your drink and the three hard cover books he bought for you, your fingers lingering a little longer on the titles, his eyes focused on you, observing, trying to get any hint you may give him, “besides, I’ve seen some girls looking at you while we were picking up the drinks, one of them looks really pretty and your type.”

                It hurt you to say these, but he was your best friend and nothing more could ever happen, or you may lose him. You didn’t care if Seonghwa, Hongjoong, Yunho and Mingi kept saying you were just running away, taking the easy way out, the cowards way, the thought of possibly losing Jongho was too much of a risk, you preferred to have him as a friend than nothing at all, all because you couldn’t help yourself on falling for your best friend.

                “I don’t want them though,” the form he said it, so nonchalant caught your attention, making you eye him curious, trying to hide the hurt that you felt inside, the idea that he may have someone. You knew he had been with other people before, but he never really introduced you to them. Once you realized that you tried to move on, started dating someone, but there was only one man that made you feel wanted and loved, and that man was sitting in front of you drinking his americano. “I already have someone in mind, it would be mean to get involved with someone if I have another on mind, no?”

                The entering of the knife was quick, but the twist was tortuously slow, the final blow being the smile he gave you. The smile you loved so much that you had only seen directed to you, but now he’s using it to talk about someone else, someone that it wasn’t you.

                “Who is she?”

                “You know her,” he chuckled at your reaction before continuing, “but I don’t think she sees me like that much, although the guys say I’m just over thinking it, that she definitely likes me and -”

                “She’d have to be crazy not to like you, baby bear,” your hand reached his over the table, it didn’t matter if your heart bled, all you ever want is to see Jongho happy, even if it’s not with you. “You are one of the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met, whoever has your heart will be forever loved and I envy that.”

                At his raise of eyebrows, you quickly realized what you had said and tried to pull your hand away, but his fingers wrapped around yours, intertwining your fingers, your eyes quickly went to the girls you saw talking and eyeing Jongho earlier, finding their eyes on your hands before moving away, making a victorious smile play on your lips.

                He was still yours for the time being and that was enough.

                “What got you all smiley?”

                “Nothing,” you said quickly trying to pull your hand away, but his grip was strong but careful around your hand, just like everything he did regarding you, “baby bear, it’s nothing, can I have my hand back?”

                You giggled at the pout he gave you, the puppy eyes staring around you two before resting on you again trying to understand what had happened. Your hands quickly found your drink as so did his. While you couldn’t hold a smile while drinking, he couldn’t help his cute little pout at what you had done.

                “Want me to be your wingman?” He questioned after a while, making you eye him confused as his eyes fell on your hand that was enveloped by the warmth of his hands not long prior, a small guilt filing your insides. “That’s why you dropped my hand, right? So, show me who he is, I’ll be nice, I promise.”

                “It’s not that Jjong,” you said quickly as soon as he stopped, his eyes had a different shine, one that you had seen at the library a few weeks ago when Seonghwa appeared to ask Jongho to sing to Hongjoong’s song, for a second you thought you had made Jongho jealous, and you felt good for a second, until he wanted to leave and you panicked. The control he had over you was surreal and all you wanted was to take his hand on your and kiss it tenderly in front of everyone, “I dropped your hand because…”

                “(y/n) it’s okay, I promise I -”

                “I have someone in mind too,” you said it so quickly your mind couldn’t follow through, putting a hand in front of your mouth before focusing on your drink, “he also has no idea and, I’ve been into him for a while now, I tried to make him see it, but apparently he doesn’t see me as anything other than a friend and that’s okay, and since we are in a public place, if the girl you have eyes on sees us, it may ruin it for you so I-”

                “Wanna go home?”

                “You know I can’t go home.”

                “Weren’t we going to mines?” His smile was soft; the shadow of a moment ago disappeared. Jongho was good at hiding, it didn’t take you long to realize that, so you nodded getting your coffee as his hands took your books putting on the bag with some other things you bought at the book section. “We can talk about it when we arrive, will that be okay?”

                “We don’t have to Jjong.”

                The truth was, you didn’t want to hear him talk about the girl that caught his attention, you wanted to be that girl. Once you finally stood up from the table, his right hand found your left making you gasp in surprise on how hot they were despite the ice americano he was having it. That was one of the things you liked the most about Jongho, how warm he always was, how his warmth would always find you and embrace you, always accompanied by the smell of his cologne. Which was one of the reasons you always loved when fall started, because he would lend you some sweatshirts and jumpers with his smell, even when you didn’t ask, he always had them.

                As he guided both of you back to his apartment, you allowed yourself to feel the warmth of his hand and body next you whenever you could, cursing at every heavy wind that hit your face taking his cologne and warmth from you, making you involuntarily hide behind him, making him chuckle every time, until he stopped turning to face you. His perfect cupid’s bow just a few centimeters from you, as the wind hit again, he pulled you closer, your hands going around his waist under the coat he had opened, your face hiding against his chest, his cologne clouding your thoughts, but little did you know the effect that had on him.

                Seonghwa and Yunho were right when they said you might say you were into someone depending on the situation, and if you did, this guy it would be him. The fact you couldn’t look him in the eye while saying those things, the reaction you had to the girls that flirted with him earlier noticing your intertwined fingers and leaving, how happy you were at that, how right your hand felt in his, the small hurt he saw in your eyes and face at the thought of Jongho liking someone and this person seeing them together. How could he have been so blind for so long? How could you not see how he acted around you?

                “Here,” he said stepping a little away from you, both highly aware of how your hands still lingered on his waist, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move away, if he could, he would kiss you right then and there, “we can’t have you catching a cold and stopping to hide behind me everything a wind blows, so…,” his hands swiftly took the scarf off his neck placing around your own, covering your lips and nose, only your eyes visible to him as he took your hand back making you both get back into walking, “we almost home, so we won’t be cold for long.”

                You wanted to stop him, to make him hug you again, to feel him close again, but all you did was follow his steps as you started to see the outline of his apartment in the distance. Although you knew none of his roommates were gonna be there, you caught yourself craving Wooyoung’s food. Maybe, just maybe, you could stay until they come back and ask him to make you something, that way you could also spend more time to Jongho.

                You have been to his apartment multiple times, but something felt different, probably because you finally realized he might get a girlfriend, that you had lost him for good, because no one in their right mind would let him go, only if they were insane. Which was exactly what you were as you noticed he may never be yours because of how much of a coward you were.

                As the sound of the lock along with the turning of the lights made you raise your head, you stopped dead on your tracks. There was a fort blanket in the living room, you could smell Wooyoung’s food – although you couldn’t see it – and you noticed as Jongho stopped behind you, his breathing on your ear as one of his hands found your hip and the other your arm squeezing both lightly, making you gasp.

                “Surprise,” the chuckle made you wake up and eye him curious, only receiving a small smirk in response as he headed to the kitchen, your steps were cautious, there was no reason for this to be happening, nothing bad had happened. As your feet led you to the living room, you found fairy lights all over the place, the tv on playing an ambient music, “(y/n), come eat!”

                Instantly, Wooyoung’s food filled your lungs and you drooled at the thought of what he had made and why he had made dinner. Were any of the boys in a romantic date before you arrived and didn’t have the time to pull it down? But then why would Jongho tell you it was a surprise? As you finally reached the kitchen, you found a banquet at the island, making you scream a little and jump, making Jongho chuckled before start preparing a plate for the both of you before heading back to the living room. The fort blanket already awaiting the both of you, a small memory from the time you two were children.

                For a moment, both of you just enjoyed the meal Wooyoung had made, reminding you to thank him, which made Jongho said to also thank San and Yeosang for building the fort. You wanted to ask him then and there what that was all about, but something stopped you. Maybe it was the way he was enjoying the meal, the comforting silence between the two of you. How your knees touched on occasion but none of you had a care in the world if that kept happening, ignoring the electric shocks that ran through both your bodies.

                Jongho changed the ambient sound to one of your comfort shows, the coffee table quickly pushed to the side with both plates on top along with two empty bottles of soju. You two were sitting with the backs on the couch, his left arm lazily hugging your shoulders, the tips of his fingers feather like along your arm, sometimes playing with your hair when you rested your head on his shoulder.

                Trying not to think how warm he was, how close he was, how drunk on his cologne you were, how deep in love you were with your best friend. As you moved, Jongho swiftly took your legs putting on top of his, holding them in place as him right hand burned your skin despite the jeans you wore. Ignoring how he pulled you closer, only a little more and you were on his lap, his left arm still enveloping you, caressing your left arm and pulling you closer from time to time as your head on occasion would fall a little more. If you only had the courage, you could easily kiss the crook of his neck, his cologne filling your lungs, it wasn’t like you needed anything more to live if you had him.

                When the second episode finished your head was already heavy, barely noticing as Jongho tried to untangle the two of you, a groan escaping your lips making him laugh before kissing your temple, being careful as he started to make some distance between you two. What he didn’t understand was that the groan was for nothing more than the idea of having him far away. His warm, cologne, the homey feeling you had with him whenever you two were together. You now realized what you were going to miss the moment he asks out the girl he has eyes on, you were going to lose him, even if he was never actually yours.

                You watched as he took the plates on his hands. The third episode had started, but all you could do was stare at the spot Jongho was prior. All you could feel was how your skin burned and body ached to be closer to him again. His flirty demeanor had got to you. All the feelings you fought so greatly every day for the past years to keep low, he brought to the surface.

                “(y/n)?” Your eyes turned to the spot Jongho had left, finding a chocolate bouquet before you could see him coming back to the fort. The smile on your lips made his gummy smile becoming more visible. “I was supposed to give this to you on the way out, but couldn’t wait,” his shy smile had returned as you took the chocolate bouquet in your arms, fingers trying to see all the chocolates that were there before eye him with startled eyes, “too much? Too much, right? Okay, sorry I -”

                “Jjong, what is all of this?”

                “What you mean?”

                You sigh putting the bouquet down.

                You wanted to say it wasn’t too much, not really, but with everything he was doing, it was. He was playing with your feelings, even if he didn’t know about them. The talk from earlier came back to you, maybe he was trying to make you feel better? Maybe, Mingi, Yunho or Hongjoong had said something to him about your crush on him without saying your name and now he wanted to cheer you up?

                A small chuckle left your lips, because that’s definitely something Jongho would do.

                That’s one of the reasons you love him so much.

                Love.

                You were in love with you best friend, all it took was for him to flirt with you openly for a day for you to admit that. You sigh as your eyes returned to the bouquet to focus on him again, a small pout on his lips. He thought you hated it everything he did, which made you hate yourself at that.

                “You said surprise, but nothing happened for us to have a movie fort blanket night and the boys not being here…,” you noticed how his head focused on the way your hand enveloped his own, the warmth not only staying in your hand as his eyes found yours. “Jongho, what’s this? If this is yours and the guys’ way of saying it’s okay for the guy I like not to -”

                “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” His eyes were focused on you, making you suddenly feel self-conscious, trying to shy away but at the same time wanting his attention on you, wanting the way he was looking at you. “I don’t mean on the outside, of course you are beautiful on the outside, but I meant as a whole, you are beautiful, incredible, talented, intelligent, kind, and so much more that I could spend the rest of our lives telling you about it,” you gulped but didn’t move away as Jongho approached you slightly, testing the waters, “I’m sorry it took me too long to notice, I’m sorry for being a coward and take too long to say it, but -”

                He cut himself looking to both your hands. You weren’t responsive; you were a statue watching him declare his love for you, he was questioning himself again, all the signs he had seen earlier vanished from his mind, the courage to finally tell you his feelings evaporated like water in a hot day, he started to sulk in his seat, mad at himself, as he felt your hand touch his cheek, an electric current going through his body full speed as he raised his eyes to meet your halfway.

                “Jjong, please...”

                You couldn’t finish, because you too were a coward.

                You loved him, but did he love you too? Was that his way of confessing that he wanted you just as bad you wanted him? For just as long as you wanted him?

                “I love you, (y/n),” he saw the moment your breathing stopped, how your hand fell from his face, your warmth going away with it, your eyes a mix of feelings that he couldn’t follow, “you are the one I like (y/n), you are the one I love.”

                It was like your brain stopped functioning, your eyes watered and Jongho panicked for a second before holding his hand that was going to wipe your tear away.

                “Please don’t joke about this, not about this, Jjong.”

                “I could never joke about my feelings for you, (y/n), ever.”

                The small smile was all he needed before leaning closer to you, slowly, watching your every reaction, expecting the denial he always thought he’d find if he confessed his love, but instead you met him halfway. A simple and tender touch of lips made both of your bodies combust. Eyes meeting for half a second before he pulls you closer to him again and you obliged to his wants, because kissing him was all you had on your mind since you were thirteen.

                His hands were firmly on your hips pulling you to him as you were quick to put each leg on either side of his left leg, your hands messing up his hair, the kiss was hungry, urgent, just like his hands as he explored your back, ass and thighs. None of you cared about breathing, it was an inconvenient at best, you could live without air, but you couldn’t live without feeling each other’s lips anymore.

                You whined as his lips disconnected from your mouth finding your jaw, teeth sinking into your skin as you pulled Jongho’s hair, the moan reverberating on your skin. Your whole body ignited at that sound, wanting to hear it more, you needed to hear it more. As you let your body weigh down, you felt his thigh under you, God how you imagined this scenario so many times before. Instinctively you started to move your hips slowly against his thigh, making him stop kissing your neck and look up at you.

                One of his hands hugged your thigh, the other firm on your waist as your movements became more preeminent. As your head finally lowered finding his hungry eyes observing your features as you rocked your hips on his thigh, embarrassment quickly flooded you, making you stop and try to move away from him. Instead of letting you, his hand on your thigh found your back and pulled you closer to him.

                You could feel the pool in between your legs, the arousal making you uncomfortable, begging you to continue, but something was holding you back, and you couldn’t stare at Jongho in the eyes. As his arm enveloped your waist, his left hand found your face, fingers lightly on your chin making you meet his eyes.

                The hunger was still there, the lust, but they were tender, careful, the effect of feeling secured in his embrace along with the eyes of admiration and understanding made your whole body burn as he pulled you closer, locking your lips again. It was calm, almost experimental. Your arms were quick on his shoulders as your hands found the nap of his neck, one of them playing with his hair as the kissed deepened.

                It was only when you felt his hands on your hips guide you across his thigh and the friction you felt making you moan in between the kiss, that you forced the break eyeing him curious. The smirk was present, but it wasn’t cocky, it was wholesome.

                “Am I dreaming?”

                He chuckled as he pulled you closer to him by your hips, moving them so gently on top of his thigh as he flexed them, thanks to the clothes the movement wasn’t very perceptive, also because you buckled your hips up as you felt his muscle against your clothed core, making him chuckle a little more.

                “So, you’ve dreamed about me?”

                “Jjong, please…,” his hands again moved your hips against his thigh making you bite your lip but not break eye contact this time. “I may have had a few dreams about you yes.”

                “Did I made you feel good on them?” You nodded as his hands pulled your hips down, flexing his thigh as you were now in control of your own hips. “I’ve had them too, you know?” Your half-lidded eyes causing his pants to be an even bigger bothersome as a small moan left your mouth. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

                “Jjong?”

                “Yeah?”

                “Shut up and make me feel good, yeah?”

                “Anything for you, my love.”

                With that his mouth lashed back into yours as he guided your hips across his thighs. As you couldn’t help but keep your mouth open from the stimulation, his mouth found your neck, going all the way down to your chest, open mouth kisses being left on the open cleavage, eyes on you at every single movement he made.

                You were so busy riding his thigh that you barely realized his hands were no longer on your hips as one of them went under your shirt, the tips of his fingers tingling against your burning skin as his other hand had a grip on your thigh. The build up on your lower stomach making it harder for you to concentrate as his hands grabbed those both parts of your body, you were sure your waist would have the imprint of his hands.

                “Oh God, please-fuck,” your breathing was hollow, your legs ached but you couldn’t stop, it was too close to grasp, your fingers digging onto Jongho’s shoulder as you felt his lips on your neck again, his hand on your thigh pulling it more apart making your whole body weigh rest on his thigh as he flexed it once again, making a cried moan leave your lips, “fuck, Jjong, so good.”

                “Let it go sweetheart, I’m here, this is just the first of the night,” you shot your eyes open finding the smirk present and he quickly gave you a peck on the lips, hands back on your hips as he kept making you move them, “use me for now, I wanna see you come undone on my thigh, please.”

                It was the ‘please’ that made you lose it.

                Your whole body trembled as you pulled Jongho’s face close to you as his hands gently moved your hips running you out of your high as your swollen lips let go of his own. He was glowing under you, his eyes were shining like a stary night and all you wanted was for this to never end, if it were a dream so you would never wake up.

                As his hands came back into roaming your body, you came to your senses.

                You had just cum by riding his thigh.

                He saw the small panic look in your eyes and pulled you closer to him, kissing your lips as he lifted you up, his right leg quickly joining the left under you as you straddled him properly. Once again pulling you down on him, making you feel his bulge under you, making you both moan before making eye contact.

                “This is real.”

                “As real as it can be sweetheart,” he pulled you closer again kissing you tenderly as you rocked your hips against the outline of his cock, a moan escaping both your mouths as you allowed your weight down on his lap. “Are you sure you wanna keep going?”

                “Do you?”

                “I asked you first,” his small smile was back as you backed away from him, although you never stopped moving your hips, feeling him getting harder and harder under you, closing his eyes trying to control his breathing making you smile. “Sweetheart, I love you, but I can’t keep going unless you tell me you want me to.”

                “I thought I said I wanted you to make me feel good, baby bear.”

                You smile as your hands went to the back of his head playing with his hair pulling slightly making him groan, your smile widening at that as his hands gripped your ass squeezing it harshly making you moan.

                “Guess I shall make your dreams come true then.”

                “Please do.”

                He smiled as in a swift move he turned you both and put you on the couch, your hips on the edge with him between your legs. Although you said it was okay, his eyes still lingered on your face as he unbuttoned your jeans sliding them away from your body before tossing them somewhere in the fort. Your thighs shut as his hands went to your knees, gently putting force to see if you were having second thoughts.

                Why was he so thoughtful and careful?

                You decided that after this, was your time to make him feel good, but right now you wanted his head between your thighs. At that you spread your legs, a mix of embarrassment and confident took hold of your body as you watched him take in your soaked panties. His eyes finding yours once again and you nodded, feeling the tingle in the base of your stomach coming back.

                His fingers taking the last piece of fabric between you and his mouth, ever so gently, still watching every single one of your reactions. The truth was, neither of you could believe this was happening, it all felt like a dream, but it was real. It was real and Jongho would do his best for this to be the best night of your life.

                As your panties finally met the ground, his eyes focused on your dripping cunt as you held the urge to close your legs, but he noticed the twitch, his focused was on you as he slowly and gently held your legs open, his lips kissing all the way to your left knee to your mid-thigh, before closing in on your hip, looking at you one last time, finding pure lust in your eyes, making him smile as his lips finally met your throbbing clit.

                The gasp came in sync with the jolt of your hips, but Jongho was faster holding them down with a smirk that made you roll your eyes. He was having fun with all your reactions; you couldn’t pretend you weren’t enjoying it as well seeing the smudge grin on his face. Before you could say anything, his lips found your clit again, but this time, kitty licks were added to it, making you squirm a little as he held your hips down.

                He licked a long stripe at your dripping cunt before starting to suck on your clit, making your back arch as you moaned loudly, your right hand quickly finding his hair pulling it harshly as you were still a little dazed from your previous orgasm. Your hips quickly moving trying to build more friction as Jongho lifted your left leg over the couch, holding you open with his right side as his left hand left your hips, one finger quickly prying at your entrance as he sucked in on your clit. 

                Once his face left your cunt, two fingers quickly entered you, as he curled them inside, a small kiss was left on your clit making you jolt and whine before forcing his face back into your throbbing bud of nerve as his fingers nimbly worked you up to your second orgasm of the night. You left hand finding your breast and squeezing it just enough to help you build the pressure.

                “Fuck Jjong, keep going like this, fuck!”

                “You like my fingers or my mouth better?”

                As you didn’t answer he slowed down his movements making you groan.

                “Both, fuck, please! I can’t choose, Jjong, please, I like both!”

                “Good girl, so, cum on them, please sweetheart.”         

                Your hand pulled more of his hair making the groan reverberate through your body from your clit. God how he knew how to use his mouth and fingers! As you felt your second orgasm coming your legs started to shake and Jongho picked up the pace, his fingers curling inside of you are he went back to suck on your clit.

                You cursed before a screamed moan leave your lips, legs trembling as your whole body felt heavy, limbs falling into the couch as he helped you out of your high. Closing your legs gently before getting up and to get you some water and a wet cloth. As he did that, your eyes found the tent in his pants, holding his wrist, his attention quickly falling back on you.

                “Where you going?”

                “Getting you some water and something to clean you up.”

                “Are we already done?”

                He smiled at your question. You were clearly fucked out, and yet you forced your legs out of the couch, eyes focused on him.

                “Use your words sweetheart, what do you want?”

                He squatted in front of you, his lips and nose glistering with your juice, and God you wanted to feel them again, and so you leaned in catching him by surprise at first before he cages you against the couch, your legs opening again as stood there in between them, kissing you like his life depended on it, while his hands held you like you were glass. A small peck was left on his lips as one of your hands held his face, the thumb lingering on his perfectly swollen cupid’s bow lips, a smile forming in yours.

                “I don’t want this to end, please Jjong, please I need you, I need all of you.”

                “Fuck-” he murmured under his breath as he looked down at your cunt, at the mess you had made on the couch, the mess he helped create. His eyes lingered on the tent in his pants, how his hard leaking cock was already painfully present and all he could think about was you and how you’d feel around his cock. “I’m not fucking you on the couch.”

                “Then take me to your room,” you caged him with your legs on his waist and arms on his neck, his laugh brought a light smile to your lips, God you loved that man, you loved every little piece of him, and you wanted him so badly right now. “Stop being such a gentleman, I know you want this as much as I do.”

                “One of us need to keep our minds clear.”

                “C’mon baby bear, please!” You whined with a pout making him smile as his eyes focused on your face, his hands lazily on your thigh and waist, you knew you had him. “I’ll be good, promise.”

                “I just still think I’m dreaming?, I guess?”

                “You are not,” you laughed kissing him gently on the lips, feeling him wrapping his arm around your waist as grip your thigh tighter, “you know how I know this isn’t a dream?”

                “How, oh my oh mighty?”

                You hit his shoulder making you both laugh before play with his hair, pulling it out of his face, a small smile plastered on both your lips.

                “Because this is so much better than any other dream I had of us.”

                At the raising of his eyebrows, you giggled pulling him in for another kiss.

                “So, we never actually had sex on any of your dreams?”

                “That’s classified information, only to be revealed after the act.”

                You laughed loudly as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head, but gasping at the sudden yank he gave to your body, making both arms and legs hold him tighter, one hand firmly on your thigh as his other arm, held you by the waist making you giggle as you both left the fort heading towards his room. Your lips finding his neck kissing every single space you could, feeling his fingers sink more into your skin.

                As he let you on to the bed you finally let go of him, his hands quick to take off your shirt as yours worked swiftly to remove his own shirt and pants, and soon, the only piece of clothing either of you had was the boxers he was wearing. Precum staining the fabric already stretch out because of how hard Jongho was. Your eyes fixed on his boxers, he was thick, a little longer than usual, but thick.

                You barely noticed his fingers finding your jaw until the moment he lifted your head to face him, a smirk plastered on his lips as he noticed your eyes lingering on his body. You had seen him without a shirt before, you know he is built, he just preferred to hide his muscles and you didn’t mind that one bit. If not showing his physic he already had a line of women and men after him, if they could see him like this, it would multiply by the hundred.

                No, this was all for you.

                He was yours.

                He loved you.

                Just like you loved him.

                Your eyes fall to his boxers again with a questioning look, making him chuckle before taking those out. If you thought your mouth was watering, now it had truly become a waterfall. He was a little longer than average, but he was so thick. You reached your hand to touch him, but his hand quickly stopped you.

                “C’mon Jjong, let me help.”

                A simple nod and you started to work on him, the precum quickly being used as part of lubricant as your lips found the red leaking head, a small kiss left there, just like he had done with your clit on the couch not long ago. Your knees quickly finding the ground as you were quick to lick his shaft, the moans that left his mouth only igniting the fire inside you.

                Your mouth and hand worked skillfully on him, his hand tangled to your hair helping guide the pace, every so often you’d look up only to meet him with his eyes closed and mouth open, small moans leaving his lips as you worked him up. A smirk always present as you noticed the reaction of your body to your hands and mouth on his cock.

                “(y/n),” he was breathless and although you raised your head towards him, your hands didn’t stop moving, “fuck, your mouth is so perfect, you are perfect.”

                You took him into your mouth once again. You knew he was close. He started to thrust into you, controlling more of your head movements, he wasn’t gonna last long. You felt him empty himself on your throat the same moment the most beautiful moan you ever hear came out of his lips, you took it all in, swallowing quickly as he pulled you in for another kiss.

                Your legs were still trembling from earlier, but it didn’t matter as held your body close to him.

                His taste on your mouth, your taste on his.

                “Jjong, please.”

                You whined against his lips as he nodded guiding you to the bed. The mattress sinking under you as you laid on your back, your legs open so he could fit in between them, his cock already getting hard again as he pumped himself up.

                “You sure about this?” You nodded as he reached for the drawer, already knowing he was looking for a condom, the change in expression was all you needed to know. He didn’t have one. “Fuck, (y/n) I-”

                “I trust you.”

                You pulled his face to you, kissing him gently before locking your legs around him.

                “Are you sure?” You just nodded before he kissed you again. “I’ll pull it out.”

                In all honesty all you wanted was him inside of you, to feel him fully, nothing else mattered.

                You felt his tip at your entrance, his eyes went to you once again, doubt filling them up.

                “Jongho, I’m not a virgin, I’ve had sex before.”

                Despite the words, your tone was serene. You knew him well enough to know he was scared to hurt you, the thing was, you knew he never would.

                “But this is your first time with me, and I intend to make it the most pleasurable to you, I don’t care about anything else but that.”

                His lips found yours once again. As his tongue slipped into your mouth you felt him stretching you out, a moan leaving your lips as he moved to kiss your neck. Slowly, every inch of you was touched by Jongho. You had never felt fuller in your life. As you opened your eyes, his were careful watching your reactions.

                “You can move,” you bit your bottom lip as his hips started to move back and forth, you could feel every inch of him. Slowly he picked up the pace, thrusting into you, hitting your cervix every time he thrusted in too deeply, but you couldn’t care less, especially not when his fingers found your clit, circle movement making you moan in pleasure as his thrusts gotten sloppier. “Fuck, Jjong, ye-yes! Please, right fucking there, oh fuc-fuck-fuck!”

                “You are so tight, so perfect for me, taking me so well sweetheart,” his lips found your again and both hands held your waist again holding you in place, “fuck I won’t last long.”

                “Me neither, fuck!”

                You bit down his shoulder, your nails digging into his back, the scratch marks were probably gonna be visible for quite some time. Jongho hid his face on your neck biting down as his thrusts got deeper, erratic, neither of you would last long. His thrusts quickly slowed down, but before you could complain, his hand was back into your clit, circle quick movements as his thrusts kept being sloppier. He wanted you to come first.

                At that you held your breasts, pinching your nipples as you allowed yourself to feel everything he was giving you. As you clenched even more around him, both cussed and moan loudly. The third wave finally hit you as one of your hands squeezed your boob, while the other found his forearm that was moving your clit, hold it to a stop.

                With a small nod he pulled out, hand already pumping himself as he watched you underneath him, like he had always wanted you to be, like he had always dreamed. White stripes of hot cum soon were splattered around your torso, one hitting high enough to reach your chin, making the two of you laugh as Jongho collapsed on your side.

                “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”

                Before you could say anything, he got up heading to the bathroom. You could hear water running before steps could be heard. His hands worked quickly and carefully to clean you up, taking extra care with the overstimulated areas. You took your time to observe him.

                You were definitely lucky to have him.

                The giggle that escaped your lips making his eyes snap at you, a tint of red appearing on his ears as he put the towel away, ignoring your giggles as he went to grab you two a bottle of water returning to the room, finding you in the same position, a small smile plastered on your lips. All you did was point to the side of the bed with your head and he smiled pulling the covers, as he knew you two would soon feel cold.

                His back to the mattress as your leg went over his. His arm stretched out as your head laid on his shoulder, the tips of his fingers caressing your bare skin light enough to tickle at points. Your arm going towards his neck, a small caress on his cheek before he faced you. A silent conversation. Realization of what had happened. The dream was real. You two liked each other. Loved each other.

                “I love you, baby bear.”

                “I love you, sweetheart,” he kissed your forehead pulling you in closer, making you giggle. “You are everything I could ever need or want, thank you for choosing me.”

                “I’ll always choose you, Jjong.”

                A small simple kiss, but full of meaning was the last exchange that happened between you two before you two fell asleep.

                As the sun entered the room, you groaned stretching your sore muscles, realizing an arm was around your waist, you were naked and not in your room. Your head quickly snapped remembering what had happened the night before, finding a sleepy Jongho hugging you like his life depended on it. A small smile took form on your lips as everything came back to you, making you realize it really wasn’t a dream.

                “I’d stop moving if I was you,” he’s hoarse morning voice made an electric current flow throughout your body and reach your core, you knew your body was sabotaging you, making you hyper aware of the growing hard on Jongho had up your ass, how his hand was so close to your breasts, “you know, morning wood is not fun…”

                You laughed, receiving a groan from Jongho as he pulled you even closer to him, hiding his nose on the nape of your neck. The small tap on his arm around your waist was enough for him to loosen up his grip, but before he could complain you were facing him, hyper aware of his hard cock pressing your lower belly. His questioning eyes at your smirk was everything it took for him to shut up.

                “Luckly, you have someone to help you with that…”

                Your hand swiftly moved in between your bodies finding Jongho’s hard cock, playing with the tip, observing his face change expressions as you worked on his morning wood.

                “You don’t have to-”

                “I know, but I want to.”

                Your body moved up and away just enough so his cock was at your entrance, your hand holding it still as your leg went above his hips, allowing you to grind on his cock, wetting it on your own dripping cunt. Both moaning lowly as his hand fell on your hip, your hand quickly putting the tip of his cock at your entrance.

                “Fuck- have I told you, you are perfect already?”

                “I could use the reassurance.”

                You giggled as you felt him enter you, he almost stopped at your expression. You were still sore from last night and he was thicker than normal, but you held him in place, nodding as he kept pulling inch by inch inside of you, until you were full, staying like for a while, just until you felt adjusted to his size, feeling him twitch inside you from time to time, clenching around him whenever that happened making you both laugh at that.

                “Jjong?” He hummed, eyes picking up on you as you called his name. “Can you please, move?”

                “Will you be okay?”

                “Mhm, promise, just move, please.”

                As his length moved slowly in and out of you, the moans that escaped your mouths at every breath, yours considerably louder than his, as he also took the time to kiss along your neck as your hands messed up his hair even more.

                This time it wasn’t rushed, not that last night had been, but this time it was different, more intimate. You could feel your orgasm arriving, you knew he was close as to how he grabbed your hips at every thrust.

                You two were so into the moment, that you barely noticed how three voices entered the apartment, how they were quick to move things around, or how steps started to grow closer to the rooms.

                “GOD FORSAKEN FU- SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR NEXT TIME!”

                You both stopped at the exact moment Wooyoung’s screams reverberated through the walls of the apartment. Jongho quick to cover you up the best he could before eyeing the door, he could see shadows on the wall, he knew the guys were waiting for him to tell that it was okay to pass to their rooms.

                Although he panicked, you couldn’t help but laugh, making him laugh as well before giving you a small kiss before slipping out of you, making you whine at the loss of not only his warmth temperature, but also the emptiness you felt inside. Jongho quickly picked up a random sweatpant and headed towards the door, looking at you for a second before smiling and shutting the door behind him, only to find all three of his roommates with shit eating grins on their faces, despite what had just happened.

                Before any of them could say anything, Jongho lifted his finger with a death stare, more specifically directed to Wooyoung who had the cockiest smile the youngest had ever seen. With an annoyed sigh Jongho pointed to his room with his head before opening his mouth, words most directly to Wooyoung than any of the other two.

                “Shut it! I don’t wanna hear it!” Wooyoung was the first to try to say something after Jongho’s words, but San quickly eyed him as Yeosang pushed him further on the hallway putting a hand in front of wooyoung’s mouth, leaving both Choi’s behind. The youngest however looked at San with a soft smile as both eyed the door to Jongho’s room before speaking again. “You were right, I was an idiot, okay? Just give us a few minutes.”

                “You know Wooyoung won’t let you live it out of it, right?”

                Both laughed at San’s words knowing it to be true.

                “He can say whatever he wants man, I honestly only care about her, if she doesn’t mind his antics, I couldn’t care less.”

                “I’m happy for you, Jjong.”

                San said with a small smile, a hand rested on Jongho’s shoulder as he passed the youngest heading to his own bedroom. With a sigh, he opened the door to his room finding you looking at the door with a small smile before tapping on the bed, making him laugh and take a few steps before you stop him pointing to his sweats before you speak again.

                “No clothes allowed in, c’mon, take those off.”

                “You are a menace, you know that?” His sweats were soon on the floor as he joined you in bed, holding you close in his arms. “I think they can control Wooyoung for like thirty minutes.”

                “So, we better make the best of those thirty minutes.”

taglist: @yourlocaljonghoe | @tinyelfperson | @strayteezsimp| @potatomountain | @itstheghostofmypast |

general masterlist here ♡

here's the link for the permanent taglist ♡ !

network: @cultofdionysusnet ♡

©skteezcursed (2024) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Sleep Well - Vil

Author Notes: Just based on this and the fact that I have the entire vampires series it looks like I have a serious Vil issue. But, in reality, I've had this written for a bit and it's just been gathering dust in my google docs while I occasionally polish it. This fic was written and edited while I listened to the acoustic version "If I Lose Myself" by OneRepublic. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender Neutral Reader/ sfw/ fluff/ romance

Word Count: 1243

Everyone had a safe place that they liked to lose themselves in. This was a simple and true fact. And for Vil, that place was you. 

But, to be honest, he really didn’t know who or what your safe place was. Though he couldn’t entirely deny that he would like for it to be him. 

Though it hadn’t been immediate by any means, you had become his safe place after you accepted him even when you’d seen him at his worst. Not just the pretty face, not just the poised person, and not just the fame.

Him, in his entirety. Everything that was and would always be Vil Schoenheit. 

You weren’t daunted by his fame or sometimes less-than-pleasant demeanor, and you hardly seemed to demand any bizarre expectations of him that so often came along with anyone who was a fan. Instead, you just existed and allowed him to exist in that same way. No real expectations beyond him being himself.

But since the moment Vil had realized that about you, you’d always been in Vil’s world. Even when it wasn’t always obvious.

Sometimes you were just on the outer fringes of his life, attending the very same school he did, but from another dorm. And at other times you would appear in his peripheral vision, laughing alongside your friends and waving at Epel as he walked over to join your little group. And if your eyes met Vil’s then you would always smile and wave at him. 

Joyful and welcoming of his presence even when others were whispering about how Pomefiore’s Housewarden was in this corridor and about what he might be doing.

It was refreshing and even a little startling. Rather like splashing water in one’s face after a lengthy and tiring day. It would surprise him, and then he would immediately relax before raising a hand in a return greeting.

If he was totally honest with himself, Vil far preferred the moments when you were close to him, though.

Even if it was just the two of you sitting side by side as you awaited some sort of class activity or for Crowley to explain his new grand scheme to the entire school, there was something relaxing about your presence and the way you always greeted him with at least a small smile. 

Even when you were perfectly exhausted, just as you obviously were today.

None of you knew exactly what Crowley wanted, and the headmage simply would not get on with his speech. You, Vil, and everyone else of any real importance were assembled here and had been seated for what felt like hours. 

You’d approached the young man and sat down next to him, a slight smile and a weary, “Hello,” on your lips before you’d turned your gaze to the dais that Crowley had appeared on. And that had been at least an hour ago.

Vil hadn’t been able to ask how your day had been or if you knew what Crowley wanted this time. But he’d been content to simply sit by your side as the two of you listened to the exuberant headmage prattle on about this, that, and, of course, the other. And at this point, even Vil’s attention was beginning to stray as the headmage continued on.

But Vil stiffened as suddenly he felt a light weight rest against his shoulder. 

He didn’t have to glance to know what it was, but he still found himself looking down and immediately seeing your peaceful, sleeping face.

If it were anyone else, Vil probably would’ve woken them up and even felt slightly miffed. But it wasn’t just anyone. It was you, and you were exhausted. And even if he might never admit it, Vil knew perfectly well that he played favorites when it came to you.

So Vil relaxed, not drawing attention to your relaxed, slumbering position as he continued to listen to Crowley’s droning speech.

A droning speech that lasted for at least another thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes during which Vil carefully slipped an arm around you to better support you as you rested so that you wouldn’t wake with any soreness.

It didn’t take long for everyone to file out of the room after Crowley finished. Everyone filling the area with muttered complaints and sleepy yawns until the room was empty except for two people.

You and Vil.

Your eyelids fluttered as the clatter continued as people finally finished exiting, and Vil felt an amused smile cross his face at the motion. Idly wondering if you were dreaming about something that somehow explained the racket from just moments ago.

Through the window the sky was an exquisite painting of reds, yellows, and oranges. The death of the lengthy day that had seemingly drained you. 

But Vil wasn’t complaining. Instead, he carefully woke you with a gentle squeeze of your shoulder.

You mumbled something unintelligible that had Vil’s smile spreading as your eyes slowly opened. A bleariness to your gaze that clearly revealed exactly how well you’d been resting as you blinked groggily. 

“Vil?” You slowly lifted your head, frowning as you slowly focused your gaze on him. His name was mumbled, but he could at least understand you this time, and he dipped his head in a half-nod to better meet your eyes.

“Did you sleep well, Tater tot?” There was a teasing lilt to his tone that seemed only to make you frown more until realization began to dawn in your eyes as you abruptly finished waking up.

“I-” You glanced around, almost frantically, as you began to register exactly what had happened and where you’d been napping.

“Crowley’s speech is already done. Don’t worry. You didn’t miss anything important. He managed to not say anything in all that time that he spoke,” Vil reassured you in a dry tone as he watched you scan the room with wide eyes before looking back his way, this time with a flustered expression.

“I’m so sorry; I really didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, Tater tot. I didn’t mind.” Vil could practically hear the smile on his face in his own words. And if this were a conversation he were overhearing, he probably would’ve rolled his eyes at how soft his voice sounded. 

But here he was, doting on you and losing his usual chilly demeanor as he smiled fondly at your embarrassment.

“I do recommend that you work on getting more sleep during nighttime hours, though. Not resting is horrible for your skin, your mentality, and your entire body.”  He paused, tilting his head as he scanned your face before he smiled and dropped his scolding tone, “Take better care of yourself, Tater tot. You’ll worry those who care for you.”

He watched as you visibly relaxed, a half-smile appearing on your face as you nodded, “I’ll try.”

You looked out the window towards the slowly darkening sky, “I guess I should let you go though. You’ve got better places to be than sitting here next to me.”

Your words made him frown, simply because of how wrong they were. But he didn’t object as you stood, raising your hand in farewell as you smiled fondly down at him, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Vil. Sleep well.”

A half-smile worked its way onto his face at your well wishes, and he found himself standing and grasping your hand in his. Startling you as he gave it an affectionate squeeze, “Indeed. Sweet dreams, my sweet potato.”

[louisoffline]

FINALLY FINISHED THE REF SHEET PLUS OTHER DRAWINGS YAAYYY okay so i had the ref sheet done basically two days ago BUT i wanted to draw some more because my ref sheets look so......just stand there kinda scary so MORE ART !!! also skip if you are seeing this when i say our mcs twin bro......we are so mind connected with the skeleton sweaters my lord when i logged on and saw that both step 2 designs had them..........my goodness..i think we might just be the same person....

I want to try and flesh out relationships and dynamics more i think thats something i kind of struggle with with ocs so..that is what the rest of this post will be backstory, character traits, etc etc if you chose to read i will love you forever

Step 1: Gosh...I love making characters really reeaaallllyyy awkward and that's exactly what Lenae is. Her awkwardness is really just stemming from anxiety or nervousness. Qiu and her's dynamic is so sweet to me I love characters being to nervous to say things and then another saysit for them omg im weak yeah thats so them. Lenae and Tam on the other hand....it's not like Lenae doesn't liker her she knows she means well and is extremely sweet but Lenae just can't understand why she is so loud and energetic all the time, she finds it hard to keep up. She IS the sweetest kid you would ever come across though, she will do anything to see you smile. Her earmuffs are a constant, everyone else may think it's just a comfort thing but it is in fact a noise thing we just don't know that yet guys(undiagnosed autism is craayyy)

Step 2: Still being that same shy, sweet kid while looking emo AND TRANSGENDER?? not for the weak. Still shy and reserved maybe even more so but no one really expects anything else. I think meek is a very good descriptor, they get freaked so so easily like has never had a peaceful day in their life. However, Halloween IS their favorite time of the year, it's an aesthetics thing i guess. If you pass by Lenae in the halls you would probably think that they were on their last few threads of patience by the sour look on their face but no, they could be having the best day of their life with that face on. They found it tiring to keep that placid smile on their face all the time when it wasn't always real. In this stage Lenae has definitely started expierimenting with different art mediums like dabbling in painting, poetry, music, you name it. Qiu and Lenae are still the bestest friends ever(bestest crushes ever???) and it's actually kind of nice to have someone by your side who knows what you're going through with your gender identity struggle and everything. Lenae for sure feels bad for how they treated Tam just because they thought she was a little much, I mean it was kind of hypocritical, so they've been trying to make it up to her by being kind of everyly nice?? oh boy oh boy

Step 3: I really don't know a lot of what I could write for step 3 since like nothing of it is out in the actual game SO were just gonna go like personality kind of wise y'know? I think they've definitely mellowed out AT LEAST A LITTLE...like omg guys they can sometimes order for themselves at restaurants!! They're very opinionated and has a strong stance on what they believe but like not in a mean way they just don't understand why others would think differently. Building on their creative abilities, they probably have plans to go to a college for art or fashion. Or maybe they'll start their own business who knows! It's okay to not have everything planned out anymore, some spontaneity is welcome in their life. Now that they've finally been able to be more open, mainly around friends, they'll say something a little too...unsettling or freaky??? to be normal, it's a little weird to get used to oopsies

AND THATS ALL if you read all of this i appreciate you becasue this has been drafted up on my computer screen for multiple days I just did not know what to say siigghhh yeah i love this kid and I hope you guys do too teehee

[spiceofvy]

Telling SKZ that you fake your orgasms

cw: gender neutral reader, angst with a happy ending, some nsfw, skz being insecure, bad communication from readers side, angry sex (chan), overstimulation (minho), me calling seungmin a petty bitch

Chan: With Chan, this situation could go either one of two ways. He will have a very mature conversation with you about this going into great detail about what either of you like and how to improve both of you pleasure in bed. Or he resorts to very angry sex. Fucking you into oblivion, overstimulating you until you are a drooly mess. And then have a mature conversation with you. He would hold you tight and pet your hair. He would probably feel not 100% comfortable with looking into your face so he lays your head on his chest. His voice is calm and low, letting you do most of the talking. Chan is a perfectionist and hates to disappoint. So he would do everything to make sure you don't have to fake it again.

Minho: Well, he's mad. You experiencing disappointing sex with him? Hurts his ego. You lying to him about it, not openly talking to him? Hurt his heart. He feels like you don't trust him which makes him deeply insecure in the relationship. Minho likes to act tough and strong but he still has very human emotions, and he cares about you a lot. But he hides it all behind some rough fucking. He will make you cum again and again. Asking you if you are enjoying yourself ironically. Afterward, there will be a very productive conversation about your sex life. Which leads to some soft cute lovemaking with him immediately following your advice and needs. Open for criticism at any time.

Changbin: Poor baby boy is hurt. After the confession, he will need some time for himself. He thought you trusted him enough for you to tell him the truth. Even if it hurt him for a bit. It may be a minuscule lie. But this messed with his head. He feels like he is not good enough for you. And that you don't have enough trust in him to confide in this with him. He will have an adult conversation with you after some time. Openly discussing the topic, not only your sex life but also secrets and lies like that. He tries hard to move on from this, but his insecurity will follow him for a while. When he returns to the bedroom with you you will have to take the lead and tell him what you want, he will follow your every wish like the good boy he is.

Hyunjin: He already had his suspicions. He is great with body language and always watches you very closely. Especially during sex. But he never felt sure enough to bring it up to you. After your confession, there's a lot of silence. He just stares at the wall for a bit, thinking some stuff through. Making plans on how to improve the situation. And shapes a plan. You talk him through how to pleasure you. No matter how dominant he usually is, you take the reigns. He wants exact orders and he will not stop until he knows exactly how to please you. He also now always takes time to have an in-depth conversation with you about your sex life. Making sure that this doesn't happen again.

Jisung: Thinks you're joking. I mean you are joking, right? How do you even fake that? It felt and looked pretty real to him. But when you don't start laughing too… ouch. He's hurt. He will play it off but his anxiety is spiking. What if you are also unhappy with the rest of your love life? Does he take you out on enough dates? Does he give you enough gifts? Does he always ask you how your day was? He is in his head about it and not coming out any time soon. You better reassure him because else he starts spiraling. Especially if you told him on a high-anxiety day. No sex for you for the next week. He just doesn't feel up to it. But when you do it's the slowest, softest lovemaking. Afterward, he holds you tightly and apologizes to you. But you talk it out and find a way to handle this situation.

Felix: Oh he is hurt deeply. Less because of your lie and more because he feels like he failed you. You deserve only the best but how could he be the best for you when he even fails at making you cum? He fights back tears as he asks you if he lacks anything else. Does he not talk to you enough? Why didn't you trust him enough to immediately tell him? What can he improve on? Are there any toys he could introduce that would help you? Does he cum too fast? Please just give him some way to make you happy. And even after you two had that conversation he will be insecure for a while. Letting you take control of the bedroom activities. He is also the one who's most likely to bring it up with one of the boys to ask for help. My guess would be Chan.

Seungmin: He is the least emotional about the topic. Not because he doesn't have emotions but because doesn't want to make it more important than it is. It's a hick-up in your sex life. Is he hurt you lied to him? Yes. is his ego hurt? Yes. But his obvious solution is for you to show him what you like. He will sit there calmly, watching you play with yourself. Making notes of everything you do. How you touch yourself, how fast. How slow. Where exactly. He won't forget it. Sometimes talks to you about the topic again. Asking for small check-ins. But Seungmin is still Seungmin and sometimes he is a petty bitch. Which makes him the most likely, to bring it back up later during a fight. Because if you lied to him once…

Jeongin: He has the least amount of experience so he is unsure how to react to this. So his first idea is to google the problem (please don't do that). After reading a bunch of articles some more or less helpful he just decides to start from the very beginning. Taking it slow. Relearning everything he knows about sex with you. Asks you a lot of questions during it. Wants to know exactly what feels good and what does not. He doesn't show a lot of emotions but he still blames himself a lot. Months later during a late night, he will confess his insecurities to you, whisperingunder covers, hoping for you to console him, and that there is no need for him to be insecure. That you love him anyway TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM OR ELSE-

[wishing-on-a-staranise]

Wasting Time.

(s.h. x gn!reader)

summary: given everything happening in Hawkins, Steve ends up pushing you away too far.

word count: 6k+

warnings/tags: no pronouns used (gender neutral reader); no y/n used; sad; i dont plan on writing a part two to this; s4 stuff; insecure reader; death; loss; injuries; mention of steve's parents; ollie is the real mvp in this tbh; unresolved? yay;

a/n: based off of Lizzy McAlpine’s song, “..what are we?” This was meant to be below 2k. I fought it to keep it below 2k. I lost, immensely and pathetically so. but that's okay.

as for my other stuff, I truly don't know when I'll post it. I've got pretty important things I have going on in life and i really need to do well in a life altering test next year so everything else is on the back burner rn. sorry to those who are really looking forward the next parts but don't u worry I will post them ;)

my masterlist

You shouldn't be at the store alone. 

Considering the recent murders in Hawkins. You really, truly shouldn't be alone. 

It isn't like you wanted to be. But the owner of the store you worked at did not necessarily give two shits about you. Refusing to pay you if you didn't show up for a few days. So, it isn't like you had much of a choice.

You sat on the rickety old swivel chair, that your asshole boss wouldn't change. The news was playing non-stop in the background– never in your entire life have you had the news channel on for so long.

The new chief of police was being interviewed by the reporters, telling the viewers to stay calm and assuring that they had it all under control. It didn't help to ease your mind. 

You were not calm. Not one bit.

With each movement you made, the rusty metal of the chair groaned underneath you. 

You were thinking of calling him again.

You rotated a little. The chair screeched again. 

Why hadn't he even bothered to call you back yet?

Your leg bounced. The metal creaked.

Frustrated, you abandon the stupid chair with a pathetic scoff. Opting to just sit on the counter, facing away from the door. You gripped the edge of the surface, teeth gnawing at your lips as you looked at his jacket draped atop the chair you were occupying just seconds ago. His jacket.

What if he didn't want you to call him? Your grip tightened. 

You haven't heard from your boyfriend since thursday. 

You both had planned to go out on friday— the boy hadn't exactly told you where he had planned for you two to go. He had instead told you to, “Wear something cute like you always do. Bring Ollie with you if y’wanna and I'll pick you up from yours at 5?”

You had bought a new outfit, a couple weeks prior. you had put all your last month's salary into it. Your favourite colour.

You did your hair, a little bit of your face as well. Looking in the mirror, you had looked….. nice.

Something about that realisation had conjured up a lump in your throat. It was rare that you considered yourself good looking. Which is probably why you barely ever dressed up. But at that moment, as you looked in the mirror, a smile grew on your face, one that couldn't be contained. 

You couldn't wait for Steve to see you. 

You were ready before the clock even hit 4:35.

You waited. No sign of him. 

When the clock hit 5:15, you went out onto your driveway, your dog, Ollie following behind you. You waited, pacing the concrete.

6:05, you were sitting on the stairs infront of the door, your dog's head on your lap. You waited.

6:45, your shoulders were slumped, your own head rested on your knees. Ollie napping beside you. You waited.

7:27, it was dark, Ollie whined to go back in. your eyes stung a little. But you scratched him behind his ears and decided to wait out just a little more. 

When the clock hit 8:00, you finally got up, dusting the dirt and dust off your brand new clothes. Blinking back the salty tears, you quietly went back to your room after giving your dog his food and water. You changed into your ugly PJs, not bothering with anything else, as you buried yourself in your blankets. 

Soon, you heard scratching on your bedroom door, your dog waiting to be let in. 

You smiled with a sniffle, letting him jump onto the mattress with you despite your mom’s strict rule to not let the dog onto beds, sofas or carpets. the dog whined a little before laying next to you. 

Ollie loved Steve. They had not exactly started on the right foot when Ollie almost bit the boy when you had tried sneaking him in one night. But after some time, they both warmed up to each other– to the point where it became common for Ollie to tag along with you and Steve on dates. 

“I'm sorry bud”, you stroked the fur on his head, "i know how much you like hanging out with him." He whined again, warm tongue licking your fingers. 

You knew he didn't really understand, a dog couldn't understand insecurities and the utter disdain of being stood up by someone you loved. Yet here he was, sharing your sorrows and wordlessly warming up your blues. Not there because he empathised with you or pitied you but there because he loved you.

The next morning when you woke up, you went immediately to your bathroom, to try and clean the mess that you hadn't the previous night. 

Your eyes were red and puffy. You did look like someone who cried themself to sleep. You tried to scrub it all off, not even bothering with being gentle with your poor skin.

You didn't feel pretty when you looked in the mirror now. You felt pathetic. 

“Honey!” your mom shouted from the kitchen, downstairs.

“Yeah, coming”, you shouted back as loudly as you could– which wasn't very loud at all.

As you climbed down, you were met with Ollie, tail wagging, nails clicking against the floor. 

“Would just not take the breakfast from me”, your brother commented, handing you the dog bowl that was filled with Ollie’s food, “What a dramatic son of a bitch.... literally”

The dramatic son of a bitch in question, looked up at the two of you with big round eyes, tongue out, drool spilling out on the floor. You held up a finger, the dog immediately sat down– wagging tail sweeping the floor behind him. You finally put the bowl down and told the dog to dig in.

“Did you make him sleep in the bed again?” your mother spoke from behind her magazine.

“Why would I do that?” you lied as you refilled his water bowl.

“Because when I came to call you for dinner last night, he was sleeping on your bed, with you.”

“Oh”, a sheepish expression over your face, “I'll clean the bedsheets, okay?” 

“and why did you skip dinner–”

Your mother thankfully got interrupted by the loud sound of the front door opening, followed by quick footsteps. “Did you check the news?”, your dad panted, he moved towards the tv in the living room, not bothering to take off his running shoes. 

“No, dad. It's only you who is boring enough to watch the news”, your brother’s joke landed flat.

“What happened?”, your mother asked, brows furrowed. 

“A Hawkins student was found dead.”

The bell above the door rang, you turned to look at the customer and you felt as if your heart had hit a rib.

There was Steve Harrington, bursting in through the doors, wearing clothes you'd never seen him in before.

He wasn't alone. The boy was accompanied by Dustin Henderson, Max Mayfield, Lucas and Erica Sinclair, Robin Buckley, and Nancy Wheeler. Most of them looked to be covered in dust, grime and worse.

They, without looking in your direction, broke into groups of two, one led by the older girls and the other by Steve, moving frantically through the aisles to get what they needed. It must have been an emergency. Considering all the recent happenings, it might be. 

After a few minutes, the group led by Nancy and Robin stood infront of the counter and you started billing everything. A couple minutes later, the group led by Steve joined them as well. It is when they are pouring the stuff onto the counter when Steve finally notices that it's you. 

His movements stuttered a little as if he'd just remembered that you worked here and he opened his mouth to say something but closed it before anything could come out.

The silence was awkward and deafening– the others definitely noticed. The only sound that came was the beeps of the scanner. You wondered if Steve had told them about the both of you. 

When you moved to put everything in a bag, Steve stepped a little closer to help with putting all the stuff into the grocery bags, it is then that you noticed the boy's skin.

The skin which you knew to be soft to the touch was covered in dirt. Slashes and cuts wound around his neck, a piece of dirty cloth peeking from under the hem of his camo shirt. Blood. 

You didn't realise you were frozen stuck until you heard him clearing his throat. 

You realised that that the boy had already paid the total, the crumbled up cash placed on the counter. The rustling of the grocery bags alerted you that were moving to leave.

“S– Steve?” your voice came out an unsure whisper.

They all stopped. He looked over his shoulder, then back to his friends, “You guys go on”, he said to them, handing the two bags he was holding to Lucas and Dustin, “ I'll be out in a minute” They silently nodded before leaving to get into a van.

You spoke up when the bell above the door rang on the door closing, “Wh– what is happening?” 

He stood across from you, on the other side of the counter, not making any efforts to come closer as he normally would– maybe hoping that you wouldn't see the wounds that you had already seen. “Nothing”, he cleared his hoarse throat,  “I'm– I'm sorry for friday–”

Sorry? Is that all you get?

“You're covered in blood and dirt”, you pointed out.

“Trust me it just looks worse than it actually is”, he let out a dry chuckle.

“Whose van is that?” your vision flickered to the winnebago parked infront of the store.

“A friend’s.”

“Which one?”

“Munson.”

“Munson? Like Eddie munson? Have you heard the news?--”

“Yeah I have”, his words came out quick, “and it isn't him.”

“How are you so sure?” your eyebrows drew together.

“I just.. “, he paused, “I just am.”

“And how did you get those? '', you said, nodding to his wounded neck. You wanted to touch him, to hold him, but there was still a counter between the two of you, and closing that distance felt.. wrong like you weren't supposed to do it.

“I got in a fight.”

“With what, a barbed wire?” it came out snappier than you had intended. You really tried to not hold his face in your palm.

“No”, his tone grew more frustrated with every question you asked.

“Then who?”

“No, why do you–”

“Cuz I'm– I'm worried about you Steve.” you interrupted to continue your rambling, “You could get like– tetanus or shit–”

“Hey, hey”, for a second you thought he was going to hold your face like you wanted to do to him, instead he placed his palm on your shoulder, “I’m fine, okay? I don't want you to be worried about me.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?” you whispered. “I just want you to tell me what's happening.” his hands fell back to his sides. “Just let me in”

“Nothings–”

“No! Something is happening”, you interjected, angry, worried, “Okay? I know. I know you don't always tell me everything. And that's fine, y'know– I thought you’d tell me when you felt like telling me but don't–” you take a quick breath, slowing down your quick words,  “Don't– do you not trust me enough to tell me?”

“I do. But there isn't anything to tell you”, he tried his best to shrug while trying not to pull on the scabbing of his bloody torso– he held back a wince, “Nothings happening.”

There’s a beat.

You can tell he’s lying.

“Why didn't you show up on friday then?” you barely give him a couple seconds to answer before continuing, “God, when I heard someone had died that night, I– “ you stopped before he could hear the quiver of your voice, you gulped. “I called you fifteen times”

“I was at work”

“I went there the next morning to check– it was only Keith there. Told me you'd left already." He opened his mouth before closing it up again.

“Why are you lying to me?”

“And what is Nancy doing with you–” you hated that you were jealous, you never wanted to be that person. Hell, you and Nancy were almost friends in high school. But you couldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt to see them together right after he had bailed on you.

“Well if you noticed, it isn't just me and her, y’know. No need to be jealous–”

“Yeah, I will be jealous, okay? I will be jealous if you start hanging out with your ex and start ditching our dates–”

“I didn't ditch you–”

“I waited for three hours steve. You didn't even call me after or give me heads up. And you already know about everything that's happening in town, so I'm sorry I was worried shitless and you didn't even pick up my calls. And now you're with all these people– which is fine– they’re your friends but your ex is a part of these people. And you're bleeding and definitely wounded, and you won't tell me anything.”

“I will tell you okay, I just–”

“So, not now?”

“I'm running a little late–”

“To what?”

“I'll tell you later okay?”

“When?”

“Just later! Okay? I need to go and you're wasting my–”he stopped himself, seemingly having dug himself a hole. He quickly tried to correct himself, “I need to–”

Your heart had surely stopped, “What did you just say? I'm wasting your time?” tears pricked your eyes, “Is that what this is? A waste of time? Is that what the last eight months have been for you?”

“You know I didn't mean it like that”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I didn't– I ….”, he trailed off. The horn beeped and you heard a muffled shout for Steve's name in Dustin's voice.

You sniffled, “are you gonna get those taken care of at the hospital?” you referred to his wounds, your voice was suddenly so much quieter. 

“....yeah”, he said after a moment– lying.

You nodded. “You still need to clean it up and”, you picked up rubbing alcohol, a painkiller bottle from the shelf behind you and some bandages, “bandage it.. ‘til you go to the hospital.” you tossed them over to him. 

The horn of the winnebago blared. Steve looked back at the door, he reached for his wallet but you stopped him, “you don't need to. It's fine.” Steve heard you sniffle again. 

“Baby–”

“For the record… it wasn't a waste of time for me", your voice cracked, “But I'm really sorry if I wasted your time.”

He stepped closer, shaking his head a little but you weren't looking up, eyes trained on the grain of the wooden counter, trying your darndest to not let the tears fall.

“You should go now.”

“honey–” the horn blared.

“Just go, Steve.”

You only dared to look up when you heard the bell above the door ring. Your vision was blurry as you watched the vehicle drive away. 

Honestly, you get it. you understand. 

You understand if the guy you loved wasn't willing to let you in. And despite how much it hurt, you couldn't keep him to yourself. You weren''t sure what this entire thing meant. Did you just indirectly say that it was over? Did you want it to be over? Were you willing to let it be over? To let him go? 

“C’mon”, he stood at your door with expectant eyes. 

You scoffed before looking back at the clock— your parents werent coming home until another half an hour, “alright fine”, you gave in.

After you put your shoes on, you reached for the door handle to shut the door behind you but there was Ollie standing right on the threshold, tail wagging. The dog gave a soft ruff, looking up at you with expectant eyes. 

“Please don't bring him along too.”

You smirked, “Ollie you wanna come for a walk?”, the boy beside you groaned playfully.

The dog barked happily before spinning around in circles. His nails clicked against the floor as he sprinted to where his leash and jacket were kept. “Alright, bud”, you moved to put Ollie's jacket on him and hooked the leash onto his collar.

The dog walked infront of the two of you. The sun had set and the three of you were walking under the warm yellow pavement lit up by the streetlights. Ollie would stop every now and then to sniff at a bush, tree trunk or lamp post. 

“When will he stop third wheeling us?” Steve finally spoke up beside you.

“Never.”

“This was supposed to be a romantic walk in the snow and now he’s pooping and pissing all over the winter wonderland– wont be a white christmas anymore”

“Oh, shut up. You love him, I know it”

“Yeah, whatever”, he shook his head with a smile.

“By the way, to what do I owe the pleasure of a romantic walk?”

“Wha– ? babe, You say as if I'm not romantic”

“No, you are. But I thought you were going to that christmas party with your parents.”

“Yeah that was until my dad started being an asshole after too much egg nog. So, I booked it”, he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry Steve”

“Eh, it's okay– Jesus Christ, Ollie, how much territory are you gonna mark, boy?’

“Steve..”, your fingers reached for his palm. You both stopped, he looked down at where your hands were intertwined before giving it a squeeze.

“I'm okay. Okay?”

You look at him for a bit. Despite wanting to, you dont push further. You squeezed his hand back, “okay.” his shoulders relaxed. 

You started walking again, pulling yourself further into the boy's side, resting your cheek on his shoulder. It dawned on you then that you had forgotten to wear any jacket or sweater and now you were freezing.

“I’m cold”, you whined through your smushed cheek, the boy chuckled.

“Of course you are. You don't wear one, but make sure the dog’s wearing a jacket– great priorities babe”

“Well, I have you, don't I?” you said, giving him your biggest puppy eyes and the most over-exaggerated frown.

“Yeah, “ he sighs, handing you the leash he was holding, “you do.” He took off his jacket he was wearing over his his fuzzy sweater and helped you put it on. “Better?” he gestured towards the leash to take it back.

You returned it and nodded with a proud grin, “you've fallen under my trap”

“Yeah? what trap?” he muses while smoothing down the crinkles in his thick sweater.

“This…..”, you smirked, “is mine now”, you declared, pulling the material tighter around you. 

“Oh, no! The jacket stealing trap! What will I ever do?” he brought his to both his cheeks, shaking his head in pretence worry. You laughed.

“Y’know…”, he started– the corners of his mouth curling up, “I would give you all my jackets if you…… Kiss me?”

“Oh, yeah? That depends…”, you crossed your arms,  “How many jackets do you have?”

“Oh, so many– like a million” he shrugged. Both your steps slowed down to a halt. “Billions….. gazillions”

“Wow, babe, that's a lot of kisses”, you moved in a little closer to him.

The leash in Steve's hand tugs accompanied by Ollie whining, the dog came closer to the two of you who were leaning into each other. The dog started pulling on Steve's jeans.

“Hey! Dickhead, I'm having a moment here”

“Hey! don't call him a dickhead”, you admonished.

“Well, he’s acting like a dickhead.”

You glared at him. 

“What? We were about to have a lovely romantic kiss before he so gracefully interrupted”

“Why do you have a rivalry with my dog?”

“He’s my arch nemesis”, he said with narrowed eyes directed towards the puppy.

You playfully rolled your eyes before taking the leash from Steve's hand and walking ahead. You laughed as you said, “Oh, please, you're just jealous because I love him more”

“I’m not jeal– what did you just say?”

“Wh– what?” you stopped in your track before turning around, brows furrowed.

“Oh, you just said something”

“What did I–”

“You said you love him more than you love me. That implies you love me.” he explained, walking closer to you. “You said you love me”, he stated with a shy smile as he stood directly infront of you.

“.. did I?” heat crept up your cheeks.

“Yeap, it was loud and clear. Even Ollie heard it. Right bud?” the dog barked in response as if actually had a clue of what was going on in the conversation.

“Oh, so now youre both working together? You know what? yeah, well, so what? I said it. I love you. You got a problem with that?”

“No… I'm pretty okay with it actually”

“Just okay?”

“More than okay. Perfect. Infact, I love you too.”

A shy smile grew on your features, same on his. The two of you leaned in but stopped mid-way when Ollie ruffed. You groaned, pulling away before saying with a stern voice, “Ollie, sit.”

“Little shit, only listens to you”, the boy infront of you mutters as the dog settled down and sat down. You glared at Steve. “Sorry”, he apologized, his head hanging low.

“Now, where were we?” you pull him in by grabbing a fistful of his fuzzy sweater, your lips slotting against one another. An arm wrapped around your waist, the other helped tilt your head. You too held his face back, the other hand snaking down to his waist where the fingers hooked through the belt loops.

You pulled away when his movements started to become a little faster and his hand started moving lower, “Okay, okay. I…  its getting late– my parents are gonna be here soon”, you heaved.

“We were only getting to the good part”  he whined through laboured breaths.

“Kissing me wasnt the good part?”

His eyes widened, “I– I mean”, he scoffed when he noticed the sly smirk on your face, “Stop messing with me.”

You tugged lightly on the leash to get Ollies attention who had started to dig a hole in the snow, “c'mon Ollie.”  the dog’s tail wagged before he shook the snow off of him. The dog took the lead as the two of you ambled behind him.

Most of the walk back was holding hands silently, looking around at the christmas lights everyone in the neighbourhood had put up. When you were almost two houses away from yours, you spoke up, “you know. You could… stay the night?”

Steve looked at the pavement as the two of you walked, you looked at him with expectant eyes. He sighed before finally answering,“You know what? Sure.”

“But you would have to sneak out through the window later”

“Window? With these joints? I'm old.” he frowned.

“Oh, my poor, poor twenty year old boy”, you frowned back with a mock pitying look as you unlocked the main door and removed Ollie’s leash and jacket. 

You and Steve wasted no time after that, running up the stairs to your room. As soon as the door was closed behind you, Steve was on you, plump and slightly cold lips moving fast against yours. 

“Well, you're eager aren't you?”

“What? No…” he smiled against your skin, a giggle erupted from your throat as the sensation tickled you.

You were about to go back to attaching your lips to his when you heard a woof followed by the wood of the door scratching. The both of you sighed, foreheads touching.

“That little shit”, Steve huffed, “what an attention whore.”

You laughed through uneven breathing before moving off the door and then letting the dog in.

You heard the door downstairs opening and closing followed by your mother’s voice telling you she was home. You quickly went downstairs telling Steve and Ollie to stay quiet.

The boy took a seat at the edge of the mattress, the dog came to stand infront of him for a bit– tail wagging. The dog hopped on his back legs, front paws scratching at Steve's jeans. Steve reached down to scratch him behind the ears, “y’know Oliver. You're real cute and all. But you're one big cock block”

You really shouldn't have been alone. 

It all happened so fast. One moment you were wallowing in your own self pity, the next moment, the lights were flickering and soon the ground started rumbling beneath you. 

Now, as you were hiding underneath the counter of the store you worked at, the walls shook and ground rumbled. All you could think of was your family, dog and Steve Harrington. 

Of course, the world decides to end today of all days.

There was so much smoke. All you could see was black, maybe your eyes were closed, maybe there was a blackout. But something was on fire– there was so much smoke. Your eyes were watering and your throat burned, coughs uncontrollably tearing from your throat. You felt light headed, soot stuck to your sweaty skin. 

You really wanted to go home right about now.

Some rest sounded nice. Maybe some sleep.

You felt yourself succumbing to sleep, eyes drooping on their own accord. Breath slowing down. The corners of your vision went black.

It quieted down for a second. It wasn't too much for a second. 

Sleep sounded like the perfect thing. 

“Help!” a small terrified voice broke through the silence.

“Help!” it came again from somewhere outside the store. You somehow managed to will your muscles to move. You peeked from under the table and through your watery eyes you saw a boy who looked to be younger than you, flailing his arms in the air, limping. 

Your body worked on its own accord. Muscles and bones working on autopilot. You crawled from under the counter, grabbed your water bottle and Steve's jacket. Your movements were jerky as you spilled the water onto the fabric, wetting it before putting it over your nose and mouth– a makeshift mask. 

You ran. You left your safety bubble and ran. You ran despite the ash in your lungs, despite the shake of your fingers, lightheadedness, and the lactic acid settling in your tired muscles. In your disorientation and franticness, the stupid rusty chair hit your back, the heavy metal smacked hard against your skin but you still ran. You stumbled to open the door, shouted for him to run and pulled him in. You put your bootleg mask to the boy’s mouth.

The rumbling of the earth had quieted down a little; enough to allow you to help him walk over to the desk– your safe bubble. 

You were just about to reach it when another wave hit, the ground shook and both of you lost your footing. The boy huddled to you, you moved to cover him to the best of your ability. The aisle next to you groaned and when you managed to look, it was swaying. 

You tried to get away. 

“Move!” you shouted, your voice barely audible over the rumble. The boy shook under you. In a last ditch effort, you pushed him away. 

You tried to get away, trying to crawl away yourself, but the heavy metal shelves hit your spine. Your head smacked against the tiles. 

You heard shouting, you weren't sure if it was the boy or you. Your ears were ringing. your limbs felt like jelly buried under the rubble. And you really didn't feel like you could get up. You couldn't really see anymore, the darkness from the corner of your vision had finally spread.

It hurt. It hurt so much that you weren't sure where it hurt or if it was still hurting. You tasted metal, felt a trickle run down the nape of your neck. You felt a little cold. The boys voice came in and out, none of the words truly registering in your brain.

God, you really missed your bed. 

You missed ollie. You wished you could pet him again, give him his favourite treat, help him sneak into a bed again.

You missed your parents and your brother. What wouldn’t you do to have one more dinner together.

You missed steve. How you wished you could go back to that winter evening when you fell asleep in his warm arms. When you’d held his hand. You really wanted to hold his hand, hold him close, kiss him.

You felt fingers wrap around your wrist. “I'm gonna try to pull you out”, you barely heard the young boy say through a lumpy throat, you felt a tug on your arm. Pain shot through you. He pulled again, You didn't move. A scream of pain ripped from your chest.

“No!” you screamed, words coming out all slurred up. “No, stop! Just hide under the table and call the ambulance when it's over!” you still couldn't see.

“But–”

“It's okay! You’ll be okay, Ju-- just go!”

“I'm not– your– you're bleeding”, he gripped your shaking palm, “J– Just stay awake!”

“No, Go!” you tried your best to shout but it came out as only a whimper.

The warmth left your palm, you sighed in relief. You really didn't want a kid to see you dying. 

A few seconds later, you felt a pressure on the side of your head, a hit of a familiar scent hit you– Steve's cologne. Steve?

“Steve..?”

The box in your hand was as heavy as lead as the lady led you through the Hawkins high gym which had now been turned into a makeshift infirmary for the people who had been affected by the earthquake. 

You didn't remember much from the night of the earthquake, you remember falling and hitting your head, the pain and someone holding your hand. Your delirious brain in its haze had convinced you that it was Steve's warm hand. That he had come back and held you while the ground shook. The carbon monoxide poisoning had truly got to you.

Much to your delusional brain’s dismay, It was when you woke up a day later; your parents told you it had been infact a boy a few years younger than you. You later found out that the young boy– Andy, although overall fine, had broken his leg. He and his family packed everything up and moved out of town a week later.

Your muscles were still sore. The stitches and the bandaging over the big gash on your back was tight around your ribs. You had also acquired a wound on the side of your head and though you had bled, you were lucky enough to not bleed to your death or die of a haemorrhage. The paramedics had to shave off a part of the back of your hair to be able to apply the gauze properly. And you were a little embarrassed about it– you guessed you'd have to shave it all off now. You weren't sure how long you'd be willing to wear your brother old, musky baseball hat– you also weren't sure if it was a good idea to put that abomination anywhere near a wound.

"seems like you have clothes and blankets; that one", she pointed to a table with heaps of clothes piled on top of it. They looked to be freshly donated as they were in the middle of being neatly folded by--

"Steve, take these as well, will ya'?" the women beside you said.

He looked up, stilling for a second, “Hey.”

"oh, you seem to know each other. swell!" she clapped her palms before leaving the two of you alone.

“Hey… I uh– I came to donate these”, you put the cardboard box on the table infront of him, “Its uh– its mostly blankets”

“Oh, okay.”

“I– I have a couple more boxes in the car.”

“Okay.”

The walk to your car was a silent one, a little awkward. Surely, your last interaction playing in his head as well. As you weaved through the people, you noticed Dustin Henderson, limping as he gave water to some of the patients. And you had already noticed the scars on steves neck. You really wanted to ask what happened.

“Is everyone in your family okay?” he spoke up shyly, clearly trying to ease the tension even a bit.

“...yeah,”

My brother can't hear out of his left ear anymore.

“Yeah, everyone…”

My dog died. 

“Everyones fine.”

“Are you fine?”

You nodded quickly.

You really didn't want to tell him about the giant bruise spread across your back and torso. You didn't want to tell him about the gash on your back or the bandages hiding under your baseball cap. You certainly did not want to tell him about how you were stuck in that rubble for hours with a kid holding your hand, while you had thought that it had been him in your half-conscious state.

“What about you?” you echoed, “Your– your neck?”

“Yeah, yeah– uh.. I’ll be fine.”

Your chest tightened, you swallowed. How did small talk become so hard? 

The two of you approached your car, you popped open the trunk, and there were three more well-taped boxes waiting. 

You picked one up. “Here, let me–” he picked up the other two. Both of your tried your best not to wince at the strain. “Wow this is a lot”, a half-minded comment as he slammed the trunk.

“Yeah, um– I mean, these people need it more. Plus, it would just be easier to give it away, anyway since we--”, you cut yourself off, trying to pretend you hadn't said anything.

“What?”

You look away silently, blinking, “um– how are you holding up?”

“Yeah, you have already asked me– I'm– I'm sorry… are you– what do you—” he stopped. You looked anywhere but him. It clicked. 

“You…. you're… moving, aren't you?” he murmured slowly and as if saying it too loudly would make it real. You nodded. 

“Why?”

“Why? Steve– look around. Everyone is moving. People are dying left and right. People going missing, never being found again?And now what, Murders?! My parents are convinced that it is the end of the world.”

“But it isn't– It was just an earthquake”

“An earthquake does not give you wounds around your neck Steve. Ever since the Byers kid disappeared, my dad has been planning to move… and then that night I– I almost ....”, you trailed off, not wanting to tell him more especially after you had just lied to him that you were fine. “I barely made it.”

“What?”

You took a shaky breath in, Steve's chest tightened. “I should–”

“When are you leaving?”

“.. today. Right now. This was the last thing I had to do.”

After that he quietly walked the rest of the way, helping you put the boxes where they needed to be put. As he did it all, his eyebrows were pulled together, the crease between them deep-- what was he thinking? you wondered.

Once everything was done, he finally spoke up, “Can I walk you back? To your car? For one last time, please?” the desperation in his tone was so clear and it made you want to cry.

You opened the door, Steve's jacket draped over the passenger seat. The piece of clothing that probably saved you. The thick material had stopped you from bleeding to your demise. You really had to thoroughly wash it to get rid of the stain. But you couldn't justify throwing it away.

It no longer had the bloody stain, or the smell of smoke in it. However it also didn't smell like Steve anymore. 

“Here–”, you leaned into the car to pull it out, fighting back the tears and the waver in your voice,  “your jacket… don't worry I cleaned it up”, you held it up between the two of you.

Steve, pushed the material back in your direction, “Keep it. It's yours, remember? It's yours.”

"Considering everything….” you gulped, “I hope I'm not asking for too much", you took a deep breath before finally whispering, "can I hug you… please?"

It was a tight one. It was a desperate one. You hated that you smelled like antibacterial ointment and sweat. You buried your face deeper into his shirt– he smelled like medical gauze, and medicinal cream accompanied with a faint yet familiar scent of his hair products, his cologne and that distinct scent of Steve.

You pulled away, words sticky in your throat, “Take care. Don't die. I'm…..”, you swallowed, “I'm gonna miss you."

You didn't wait for a response, you quickly sat in your car and drove away, not even stealing a look from the rear-view mirror. You only let the tears fall when you had turned the corner to your home.

It isn't like you had a choice of whether or not you were staying. But You hate that he didn't stop you. You hate that he didn’t call your name, to see your face one last time. You hate you still had his jacket in your hands, you hate how tightly you were gripping it.. You hate that there were tears in your eyes. You hate that there was a sob in your ribs. You hate that you said that you were going to miss him. You hate you imagined a life with him, holding hands on romantic walks. 

You hate all that. But you don't hate him. God, it'd be so much easier if you hated him.

[haileyywrites]

Summary: La Signora's frozen heart may yet be melted by love she did not expect...

Pairings: La Signora/Rosalyne x Child!reader - platonic!

Notes/warnings: Completely gender neutral! Poc friendly! Likely ooc characters! Signora dies, but isn't dead lol Purely fictional and thus might not be or meant to be lore accurate! Possible grammar errors!

La Signora was a cold woman with an even colder heart, but at the same time she burned brighter and hotter than any flame or fire. The deep loss she had gone through had thoroughly frozen her heart with ice colder than Snezhnaya and no matter what it needed to remain that way. She needed to remain cold and cruel to avoid attachments, love and anything else just as stupid. Even a single crack could destroy the barriers that she haf placed to surround her heart.

She didn't believe anything could do so, not until she met you... Like her, you were a victim of incredible sorrow and pain. Everything you knew and loved had been destroyed, leaving you as the only survivor covered in the blood of those you loved. As she looked down at your quivering form she could feel something she wanted to lable as pity, but truthfully it was more akin to sympathy. It was a disgusting feeling, but she of all could understand the loss you felt.

"What are you called child?" She questioned.

You stared up at the tall blonde woman, your vision was blurred by the tears gathered in your eyes. You managed to somehow mutter out the words to tell her your name, though you couldn't understand why she had asked in the first place... You couldn't think or function properly, not after all you had just gone through.

"I am called Signora, but you may call me Rosalyne. I will give you a second chance in life, on the condition you swear loyalty to me and her Majesty the Tsaritsa. What say you?" She looked at you with expectation.

You stayed silent for a moment as you thought about your options, there weren't many in the first place... You never once averted your eyes from her intimidating gaze which impressed both you and her. With the tiny bit of confidence you had you managed to answer her.

"I swear!" You meekly shouted.

The woman hummed in acknowledgement before snapping her fingers loudly, a fatui agent approached you with a cloth to cover your shivering body. You immediately cluthed it closer and wrapped it around yourself tighter. The woman carefully approached you and helpped you stand on your quivering feet. Her gloved hand pressed against your back gently guiding you away to your new life...

It wasn't easy in the beginning. Rosalyne wasn't exactly familiar with taking care of a child or emotionally prepared to do so, you had only just began to crack the ice that buried her feelings. After what you had gone through you desperately craved yet feared affection and you weren't ready to receive it from a complete stranger. But little by little you both took steps to grow closer and form trust between each other.

Though she was still the cold-hearted Harbinger La Signora, she would be more gentle and loving towards you. In private she preferred you call her by her real name, but asked you not to do so in front of others - she wanted it to be a thing between you two! Even if others knew her by that name they wouldn't dare act all friendly and call her that in front of her face.

Though the Fair Lady was someone to be feared and respected, a part of her heart had still persisted through all she had been through. Only you could ever melt and slowly mend her eons ago broken heart... She spoiled you rotten, yet you always remained humble and kind.

"Could I get a pony?" You innocently asked while kicking your feet back and forth.

"Whatever you would like." Her long fingers threaded through your hair affectionately.

She didn't see a point in not giving you everything you desired as long as it was within her capabilities, which everything you could possibly want was. In her eyes you deserved the world, you deserved a better world than this. As long as this world and she existed you would get everything you wanted until she could finally give you the greatest gift of a new world. Her love for you only strengthened her faith and loyalty to the Tsaritsa and her noble cause.

Even more so she so rarely got to see you due to her work and traveling all over Teyvat. Both of you hated the time you were apart, but it only made the time you did spent together all the more special. Her molten butterflies surrounded you to shield you from the unforgivable coldness of Snezhnaya during her absence. At least one would stay by your side at all times, just in case and also to help with your loneliness.

Every time you parted ways you eagerly awaited her return. She would come home to you with souvenirs and stories of where she teaveled that time. You refused to let go of her until you fell asleep and your grip loosened enough for her to separate from you. She didn't go far however, on those nights she would lay beside you just basking in your comforting presence until she too fell asleep.

But just like before your happiness was ripped away from you... Your world returned to being dark and cold as the molten butterfly lost its fire and fell into the pure white snow beside you. Carefully you scooped up the poor thing in your cold palms, not knowing what to do as it slowly disintegrated into ash and was blown away by the icy wind. Something was wrong and you knew it, you just couldn't fully comprehend at that moment what it was. But your heart mourned already, making tears run down your cheeks and fall into the snow below you.

It wasn't much longer until it was announced that La Signora - the 8th of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers, had in fact been defeated in battle. There wasn't even a body left to bring back to Snezhnaya for a proper burial. You were left either inconsolable or emotionally paralyzed with your mood alternating between the two and changing even without a trigger. This time no one would come to save you from your grief like she did...

The Harbingers were at a loss with you, some were even slightly frightened by your constant mood changes and episodes. Even the ones who had experience with children didn't know how to comfort you. You were alone and cold, hoping this was a terrible nightmare that you would soon wake from and be greeted by Signora who would cradle you in her arms until you fell back to sleep with her beside you.

But that hope was quickly destroyed by the sight of her icy coffin. Everything suddenly became all too real as you threw yourself against the rock hard surface and layed your cheek against the cold surface as tears rolled down from your eyes uncontrollably. None of the present Harbinger's uttered a word as they watched and or listened to your wails of agony and loss.

That changed however, due to Pierro's presence the Harbingers asked or ordered you to move away so that this meeting could be brought to an end. Stubbornly you refused to part from the coffin of the person who you had come to think of as a mother, your tiny hands clutching to it tightly as your tears continued to fall against your cold cheeks. You incoherently sobbed to not take you away as the Harbinger placed their hands on your violently shaking figure.

"Let the child mourn for a while longer, their tears are shed instead of ours." Pierro ordered with his deep and commanding voice.

The Harbinger removed their arms without protest and stepped back in respect. Peirro said what needed to be said in honor of his fallen comrade without minding your heartbreaking sobs. He didn't think anyone beside himself would mourn her for even a moment if she were to pass, he was glad he was mistaken - even if it meant you would be left behind to miss her.

Long ago, Rosalyne had come to him and asked him to take you under his wing should anything happen to her. Had anyone else asked this of him he would have refused it immediately, but for her he would make an exception. She always spoke highly of you and in an affectionate way like a mother, never had he seen her speak of someone in that way so he agreed. He never expected that day to come that he would have to keep his promise, at least not quite this soon when you were still so young...

Suddenly you raised your head up from the icy surface that was Signora's final resting place. Your glossy eyes stared upwards with wonder making each and every present Harbinger follow the direction of your gaze. The soft sound of wings flapping and faint red glow was all some needed to hear to guess what it was that you were looking at before their eyes landed on it.

A single hellfire butterfly landed upon your tiny outstretched finger, it's presence telling you all you needed to know. You were not alone and she was not gone, it was only a matter of time and patience until you would be reunited. Not even death can drown her flames, the ashes and embers will smoulder ever brighter...

A/N: This is a bit different from what I usually write, at least I think so but it was fun! Not completely proofread - also this has been in my drafts since the beginning of March lmao Anyways likes, reblogs and or feedback are greatly appreciated <3

[altschmerzes]

THE 13 BOOKS I READ IN 2023 IN ORDER FROM BEST TO WORST + THE PROTAGONIST'S SUPERLATIVE. PART 2.

6. A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engel. a timeless classic that i love love love. meg is such a fun protagonist and i really enjoyed experiencing this as an adult again. the whole like… helpless devastated rage she feels when she realizes that adults can't just. fix everything? that sequence will always rattle me around like a mason jar fulla beans. she's such a like… man. the way the narrative was like. this isn't fair. it isn't right. it's happening anyway. i'm so sorry, but it's happening anyway. that really got me.

Protagonist: Meg Murry. Most Likely To Have A Profound And Life Altering Impact On Adolescent Weird Girls Who Read Her Book.

7. Whiskeyjack by Victoria Goddard. third book in the series, slightly less fun than the others but only very slightly. i cannot emphasize enough how difficult it was to rank like, 2-8. had some VERY fun stuff with like…. things you learn that then go back and recontextualize everything else. ended on a scene that made me fucking sob which is always a plus in my book. themes of FAMILY and LOYALTY and SACRIFICE. my fucking beloved. yes please. the pov character continues to have a horrible little time. also love that.

Protagonist: (again, series has dual protagonists, so switching back) Peregrine Dart. Most Likely To Be The Unwitting Conduit Of The Deus Ex Machina. Deus Ex Dart.

8. One By One by Ruth Ware. just a really good classic mystery thriller. i love a mystery thriller, and ruth ware seems to always hit for me. managed to pull off a pov switch between two pov characters one of whom had a massive, MASSIVE secret without it seeming completely nonsensical once revealed or relying on the pov character talking in deliberately obtuse or evasive ways that would be really tiresome and insulting if carried through. there was a set of tech bro startup characters that were obnoxious and infuriating in exactly the way that those people are in real life, so points for that for SURE even though i did wanna throttle them.

Protagonist: Erin (Lastname). Most Deserving Of A Tropical Vacation.

9. The Ritual by Adam Nevill. this is the most brutal book i have read in recent memory. possibly at all. this guy gets put all the way through the wringer physically and emotionally and it is visceral in the way it is described. the protagonist was a profoundly unpleasant person a lot of the time but this was deliberate and really engaging, honestly. there were some moments of stark self-reflection from him about the ways in which he did not like who he was and the things he did, and when he recognized how like. unfair and cruel he was being to the others in his head. wasn't as good as the movie, imo, but the changes that they made between the book and film made total sense given the sheer level of interiority in the book. and boy howdy how much interiority. whoof.

Protagonist: Luke. Most Surprising Survival.

10. I Am Not Who You Think I Am by Eric Rickstad. i think the most damning thing that can be said about this book is that i literally can't remember almost anything about it. it was compelling in some ways and there were a few very specific moments that i was really gripped by but most of it was like. a really flat letdown. it was interesting enough as a mystery that i finished it but i don't even really remember why, now.

Protagonist: Wayland Maynard. Most Forgettable Guy.

11. The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken. just. ugh. dystopia ya in a bad way. too complicated and not well established. dumbass colour coding system. it could've been so fun, i love traumatized teenagers with powers and an evil government in all sincerity but this just did not do anything good with it. it looked like it COULD have but it DIDN'T. the love interest character was a DICK. there was some weird gender takes that popped out of nowhere. jump-scared by gender. did enjoy watching the movie though because it was fucking insane and gave me a scene where the protagonist and the love interest shared a passionate embrace over what fully appeared to be the dead body of the love interest's theoretical best friend. amazing. no notes.

Protagonist: Ruby Daly. Most Likely To One Day Decide She's Tired Of Being Nice And She Does Want To Go Apeshit Actually.

12. Reputation by Sarah Vaughan. [VIDEODROME PRESCREEN AUDIENCE REVIEW WHERE THEY JSUT WROTE 'SUCKED' AND GOT SO UPSET ABOUT HOW BAD IT WAS THEY MARKED THE WRONG GENDER] this book was BAD. the writing was bad. the characters were bad and not on purpose. the politics of the book were uh. whoof. what if white girlboss feminism was a novel. points for some of the hardest i've laughed tho at Nice Dick Mike the journalist that the protagonist cannot respect after she sleeps with him and Lady Cop With Bangs, the traitor to womanhood.

Protagonist: Emma Webster. Most Likely To Submit An Extremely Long Post To Reddit Dot Com Slash Am I The Asshole That Leaves Out A Lot Of Like, Extremely Critical Information That When Uncovered All Makes Her Look Really Fucking Bad While She Seems To Still Think It Was Entirely Irrelevant And Honestly Unfair To Even Consider. Gd Forbid Women Do Anything.

UNCATEGORIZED: 21st Century Jocks: Sporting Men And Contemporary Heterosexuality by Eric Anderson. there was simply no way to rank this among the others, it was too completely different. they were all very different books but this was just. entirely different. had a wonderful time with it though!! gave me a lot to think about as someone who thinks a lot

thank you for joining me on this journey. i loved reading books again this year and would wholeheartedly recommend anything ranked 1-9 on this list, provided you like the genre/vibe.

[newpathwrites]

In honor of pride month and in an effort to promote queer rep in fandom, I'm going to post a few of the queerest excerpts from my fics throughout the month.

Here I give you:

Din coming out to Omera in my mandomera fic A New Creed. Din is also demi in this fic which is hinted at here, as well.

————————————————————

“You’re thinking loudly, love.  Anything you’d like to share?”

He looked at her strangely then, almost like he was nervous - a rare state for him.  “Uhhh… there’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you… but I wasn’t sure if…”  He paused as if gathering his wits and then pressed on with a bit more confidence.  “I told Jai that I’d never had feelings for anyone else before you… but it’s not true.”

Omera wasn’t exactly surprised by this information, though it was unexpected.  Sure, Din had always insinuated that he’d not had any other romantic relationships in his life, but they hadn’t met until they were already middle aged with a lifetime of prior experiences under their belts.  Of course there were probably others.  Omera had a husband in her past who she had loved dearly, and she’d told Din quite a lot about him.  Why would Din be so nervous about sharing this with her?

“He was my best friend… as a child on Aq Vetina…”

If Omera was shocked to learn that Din had once loved a boy, she didn’t show it.  She simply smiled at him warmly as she so often did when he shared something new about himself.  “Tell me about him.”

And so he told her everything he could remember. 

He and the boy next door had become fast friends when their mothers started a communal garden on the patch of land between their two homes, and they quickly grew attached.  And though it was the innocent kind of love typical of youth, it was very much real.  The two boys spoke often of getting married one day and tending a garden of their own.  Had they both survived the attack on their settlement, maybe they would have done just that.  Din would never know.

As Din got older and never developed such feelings for anyone else, he wondered if this Mandalorian version of himself simply wasn’t built for romantic relationships… or if maybe that boy was meant to be the one great love of his life… and that Din’s only chance at happiness died with him on Aq Vetina.

It was cathartic, really, to speak out loud what this boy had meant to him after so many years holding him only in memory - and to know that his wife understood and accepted it so tacitly… that was liberating.  He’d kept this from her for so long.

His fingers slipped through her hair as he spoke, lips brushing the top of her head.  “I never looked at anyone that same way again until you.”  It had happened slowly as they’d become closer, and it had taken him by surprise when it finally manifested itself in his conscious awareness.  He hadn’t thought he was capable of falling in love again. 

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Omera replied softly.  “Do you think about him a lot?”

Din nodded, a sad smile turning somewhat brighter.  “Winta reminds me of him sometimes… with her well-intentioned schemes… spreading joy and happiness everywhere she goes…. He was like that, too.”

“Thank you for telling me about him, sweetheart.  I know it’s hard for you to talk about your childhood.”  

He kissed the top of her head in response, and she hugged him tighter.   “You make it easier.”

“Can I ask you something personal?”  She lifted herself off his torso and swiveled to face him as he gestured for her to continue with that trademark tilt of his head.  “So have you been intimate with both women and men?”

There it was again - the fear .  She could see it in his face, but he’d already decided to tell her everything it seemed.  “Yes… I don’t have a gender preference… on the very rare occasions I indulged, anyway.”  He met her eyes before adding cautiously, “Does that bother you?”

She reassured him gently with a hand to his heart and a soft smile.  “How could I not love something that’s part of who you are?”

All of his fears dissolved in that moment.  Dank farrik , this woman never ceased to amaze him.  “I’m honestly not sure why you love me in the first place… but I thank the Maker for it daily.”

Omera leaned forward to kiss him softly.  “You don’t ever have to be afraid to talk to me… about anything .”

“I know,” he replied quietly.  “I love you, Omera.  Thank you… for being you.”

“I love you, too, Din - every part.  Don’t ever doubt it.”

————————————————————

[stenshale]

@a-gay-bloodmage GLADLY. putting it under a cut because the thoughts are Many

okay. lets say you're brosca. you're casteless which means everything is gonna suck forever unless you con your way into high society somehow. both your dad and you sister's dad walked out which means you're double fatherless. your best friend is kind of a dick. you and your sister are under the thumb of your town's fantasy drug pusher. and worst of all, your mother is an alcoholic who does not fucking like you even a little bit. she's mean, she sucks, you have to make sure she doesn't drink herself to death. she blames you for all of that. whatever. fine. that's life.

now let's say, through some real looney tunes bullshit, you manage to get out of dust town AND join the grey wardens AND ensure your sister and mother's safety and prosperity. great! this rules! the sky is fucking terrifying but honestly you can cope with that because you're out, dammit! you have friends that don't suck! no one up here cares that you're casteless!

you're living the high life for, like, two whole days. then you almost die, you almost die again, your cool recruiter dies, the fucking KING dies?, and the new acting king says you and your new best friend, the only other living grey warden in ferelden apparently, are public enemy number one. sucks. back to being a social pariah.

oh and there's a fucking blight and you have to kill an archdemon. also very cool. dust town isn't looking so bad right about now. lucky for you, because of some legal shenanigans (that, mind, you do not fucking understand because you have only been in this country for a week, and even in your hometown you weren't exactly rubbing elbows with the lawmaking elite), you get to go BACK to Orzammar. you get to visit home!

your sister is married and has a kid which is awesome. her husband seems to take good care of her. you can make him king if you want, because that's the influence you have over people now. deciding elections. weird! a couple months ago you barely had a say over what you had for dinner at night.

okay. now let's say you're specifically bosca brosca, and you want to be a berserker soooooo fucking bad. like so terribly awfully bad. you're back at home and you just want to hit things really hard with your big sword. you're also probably nonbinary but you've got too much on your plate to focus on that right now so it's not a concern. gather army first, then kill an archdemon, then gender stuff at some point. if you live. which is looking less and less likely the more you learn about surfacer bullshit.

there's a berserker dwarf in Orzammar who can teach you, though! cool! except he's mean. and he sucks. and you have to make sure he doesn't drink himself to death. and his relationship with his wife (who you come to hate for different, golem-related reasons) seems, to put it lightly, a fucking mess.

and you are not a hateful dwarf. no more than any other duster. living casteless for long enough, seeing the bigwigs in the diamond district, it turns anyone into a bit of a misanthropist, sure, but you're pretty tame, considering.

you hate oghren, though. from the MOMENT you see him. he's loud and you want to drown him, probably, and you had better get out of Orzammar quick because if you don't find running water to stick his head under, you're probably just gonna settle for lava. not a good idea. he still has to teach you berserking.

and so you do. and he does. he's good at that and drinking and not much else, and you kind of wish he was bad at the berserker part, too, so you could say the asshole never did a damn thing for you. but you can't.

and then he gets too drunk, even by his standards, and you haul him back to his tent, because that's what you do, you wait until the people you... know? are broken enough that you can sweep up the pieces and pretend you did them a service. you're not going to fix anything, but you can try and stop it from getting worse. you can make sure he rolls onto his side and sit by the fire, close enough to his tent to hear if he starts to get up in the middle of the night but far enough that you can pretend that's not exactly what you're doing.

and the healer, who drinks him under the table but does it in a quiet way that makes it hard to hate her about it, tells you that you're awfully gentle with him. it's a question and an accusation and you dignify neither. you don't even agree. it's not gentleness, it's necessity, it's maintaining a family team, it's what you do. you don't tell her that because she'll only give you that look she gets when she knows more than you thought you said.

if you knew who pavlov was, you'd draw some connections. if you knew who your father was, you'd draw some other connections. but you know neither of those men, so you hate him in a way that sinks its teeth deep in your chest and stays there.

and then you kill an archdemon and become a living paragon and raise house brosca out of castelessness and get married and act as the advisor to the king of a country you AREN'T EVEN FROM! and you think you're rid of him for good until you go on a grey warden mission and guess who fucking pops up.

[sirenium]

Time to obsessively talk in depth about my Sonic head-canons, because I literally cannot stop thinking about them. This is likely to be a long post, so I'll spare you all by putting everything under the cut so you aren't forcibly subjected to the wall of text💀

Also sorry for the sudden increase in Sonic related content, it's just that my hyperfixation is slowly coming back lmao

⚠️these are mostly queer identity centered, so if you're not into queer headcanons you've been warned⚠️

Sonic: arospec, bisexual, trans man, he/him. Stealth. Is only out to Tails. Actively fights for trans rights, just doesn't feel comfortable sharing his identity with most people. Hides his negative emotions because he feels as though he has to be a source of positivity 24/7. Probably cries himself to sleep sometimes, the poor guy. In a QPR (queer platonic relationship) with Shadow.

Tails: (I don't feel comfortable labeling the sexuality of a literal ten year old lmao/lh), transmasc, he/they. Looks up to Sonic, literally aims to be exactly like him: he's the only other trans person he knows (who's out to him, at least), and he's cool asf. Admires his bravery. Tails sees Sonic as an older brother figure, and Sonic sees him as a little brother. They've got the ultimate brotherly bond, which also means they argue over the dumbest shit lol.

Knuckles: panromantic, pansexual, transfemme, he/him. Masc presenting, gives off egg vibes (not because he's masc presenting and uses he/him, but because he's hella clueless about trans people). Isn't out to ANYONE, not even himself.💀

Amy: heteroromantic, heterosexual, cisgender, she/they. MASSIVE ally, one of those friends who gives their gay friends rainbow pride merch(/pos).

Shadow: panromantic, asexual, non-binary, all pronouns including it/its, slight preference for he/him. Doesn't give a fuck about gender; they think it's irrelevant to who they are. Though he has pronoun preferences, if someone referred to it using pronouns other than he/him, he would literally not care.

Rouge: greyromantic biromantic, lesbian, cisgender, she/her. Secret mom friend vibes. Has the scariest 'you fucked up' glare known to man(/hj). Takes no shit.

Omega: bro is unlabeled, literally just vibing. Pronouns? Nah bruh (use he/him). A GOD at baking, doesn't brag about it. Can't cook for shit otherwise, literally almost blew up the kitchen somehow (how he knows how to operate an oven but not any other cooking device is beyond me, he just gives off those vibes lmao).

Less detailed HCs:

[plaintext: less detailed HCs end pt]

Espio: biromantic, acespec bisexual, cis, he/they.

Vector: aroacespec, cis, he/him.

Charmy: transmasc, he/him

Silver: panromantic, gay, cis, he/they

Blaze: lesbian, asexual, cis, she/her

Big The Cat: aroacespec, gay otherwise, cis, he/him

Time for the villains I've thought about:

[plain text: time for the villains I've thought about end pt]

⚠️trigger warning for Infinite, mentions of death and other potentially triggering themes (they're kind of heavy but nothing too serious)⚠️

Eggman: aromantic, gay, cis, he/him. Surprisingly supportive of trans people... as in he just doesn't care enough to not be.

Infinite: biromantic, bisexual, cis, he/him. Bro's in denial: he thinks all 'straight' guys have the occasional crush on other guys. Doesn't even know about the label 'bi' so he just thinks someone can either be straight or gay, and since he DOES like women he's convinced his attraction to men is either not real or unimportant. Definitely cries himself to sleep, and has nightmares about the death of his squad. Secretly blames himself for everything, has extreme self esteem issues but hides them by inflating his self worth. His life SUCKS; he's lost everyone who was important to him, just when he thought he couldn't lose anyone/anything else. He's also very prideful despite having low self esteem, and those two things mixed together give him an extremely fragile ego that's easily shattered. He genuinely hates his face, because as far as he's concerned that is the face of someone who's failed everybody, including himself. A 'pathetic' face. Would literally start having a panic attack if his mask were to come off for whatever reason. (Jesus this one got depressing, but I just put a lot of thought into his character because I feel like he has a lot of potential as a character that wasn't explored. Literally just 'lol he had a temper tantrum because he got beaten up and called weak' and that's all the backstory he gets? Nahh💀. I could make a whole post going into the backstory I made for him lmao)

Uh so yeah those are my headcanons–

I know I missed characters but these are the ones I've really thought about/remembered. If someone reblogs this, it'd be cool to see their own headcanons (you can also just comment them or like, message me or whatever/lh /nf)

[ponkersworld]

Bit of a long post coming up, heads up. Needed somewhere to write this all down and Tumblr is my new diary now ig.

I came out as trans pretty recently, about a month ago to my friends, just under a week ago to my parents. It's all gone even better than I'd hoped, my friends are ecstatic, my parents are supportive but hesitant, my doctor has been incredibly good about it and is referring me to a trans-healthcare trained GP to start treatment in a few weeks (standard practice in my country). It really is everything I ever wanted, and aside from a small loan of a million dollars to help pay for all the new clothes I want/need, there really isn't anything else I could ask for. I should be the happiest I've been in years, and I am!

Kinda.

Because none of it feels...real? It's very hard to put into words, but after spending the last 3 days on the couch when I should be living life ✨to the fullest✨ I reckoned I should at least try.

To start with, the MASS of fear, anxiety, and shame that had been conveniently compartmentalized when I was closeted is now making itself VERY well known. My parents taking the time on multiple occasions to voice their (admittedly very reasonable) worries around my transition haven't exactly been helpful either, and without a more experienced trans person to give them the answers I can't really reassure them in the way they need. The most prominent one, of course, is "how do you know you won't regret this a few years down the line?"

And I have no answer for them.

Because I'm really not 100% sure that I won't. I mean, 4 years ago I dismissed these feelings as a fantasy, or a fetish, and was so sure that nothing would ever come of it. And sure, looking back I can see the flaws in my reasoning and the denial and shame that shaped that perspective, but how can I know that my thoughts right now aren't equally flawed? How do I know I won't be looking back in 4 years and cursing myself for being so impulsive?

It's very strange, making decisions for a future version of yourself that seems so far off. Will she view me with kindness, with understanding and compassion? Will she even be the same person? One of the videos most instrumental to cracking my egg was Philosophy Tube's coming-out video, in which she asks the question: if our identity and our choices are shaped by our memories and our experiences, and our interpretation of those memories change over time, are you still the same person? If I've been living two lives this whole time, and I can finally choose to just live one, what's going to get left behind?

My gender is abnormal, there's no doubt about that. I've been thinking about it for years, dressing like a woman and being called by female language makes me feel good, so end of story right? But I don't...*feel* like a woman. Not in a 'born in the wrong body' way, not in a 'gender is a social construct' way, not even in a postmodern 'all the world's a stage' way. And maybe, hopefully, that'll change over time. But for now it feels like I'm just...pretending. Like I'm going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong gesture, and everyone will point me out for the 'fake trans' that I am. And it feels like I can't take these feelings to my parents or my doctor, because what if they decide I'm not trans anymore, and that stops the process of transition? I guess that worry means that I really do want to transition?? Aaaaaaaaa it's so confusing.

Anyway, thanks for reading this brain dump. If you've got any advice or just nice words I'd appreciate them in the replys or reblogs.

Trans fuckin' rights girls ✨🏳️‍⚧️✨

[oscurolena]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [SELENA VALDES]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [PRISCILLA QUINTANA]. You must be the [TWENTY-NINE] year old [BARTENDER AT GOLDEN HOUR LOUNGE]. Word is you’re [RESILIENT] but can also be a bit [STUBBORN] and your favorite song is [WOULD'VE COULD'VE SHOULD'VE BY TAYLOR SWIFT]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

CHARACTER BASICS

NAME: selena valdes NICKNAME: lena AGE: twenty-nine DATE OF BIRTH: september 29, 1993 ZODIAC SIGN: libra GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her ORIENTATION: bisexual STATUS: single HEIGHT: 5′2″ OCCUPATION: bartender at golden hour lounge NEIGHBORHOOD: seabrook quarter

QUICK FACTS

selena valdes was born out of an affair her mother, an up and coming model who had to cut her career short, had with a wealthy married man. growing up, selena never really had a proper father figure. although her father made sure that she and her mother lived a comfortable life, he felt more of a benefactor to her rather than a real father. she never really met him as an adult, but she had some vague memories of him when she was younger--though she wasn't exactly sure if they were real or if she just conjured them in her mind. besides, only a handful of people knew about her existence since her father wanted to keep mum about what happened.

lena didn't exactly hold resentment towards her father since she didn't know him well enough for that. her mother made it clear to her that it's just how the world works and she just accepted it at that time. nonetheless, she lived a comfortable life growing up and her mother cared for her as best as she could in the way she knew how to.

however, her mother also wanted that affection, so she kept on seeing different guys and none of them really lasted that long in their lives. that was the tiring part, meeting new people--thinking she'll finally have the family she always wanted, but just always getting disappointed in the end.

when she was in her second year in college and working part time in a coffee shop, she met someone who's quite older than her, but the two hit it off quickly. they simply clicked and lena fell hard for them. they were not her first love, but they were the one that left a permanent mark on her. everything seemed great at first and their relationship lasted for more than a year until everything fell apart. she found out that they were married and the last thing she wanted was to be just like her mother. lena broke it off between the two of them and cut all ties with them.

after them, lena became more evasive with romance and chose to date without truly committing to the other person. they've completely destroyed her ability to trust other people and she became more closed off. she's a huge flirt, but she rarely catches feelings. more often than not, she chooses to see the worst in people to make sure that she wouldn't get hurt by them.

lena has a degree in business management, but she cannot commit to just one job either. she's always quitting and looking for another job since they easily bore her.

a few months ago, someone contacted her and told her that he was her half-brother. it sounded like a scam at first, but google did its work and it turned out to be true, so she decided to come and visit them at aurora bay. but after being enchanted by the place, she decided to move here for now. currently, she's been residing in aurora bay for 3 months and found a job as a bartender at the golden hour lounge.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

her ex lover (39+)

regular customers at the bar

acquaintances or friends

frenemies

someone who has odd jobs for her to do?

yoga/gym buddies since

tinder matches

one night stands

ex fling

potential romantic interest?

will they won't they

anything else you'd be up to tbh. if u wanna plot with her, just give this a like and i'll dm you <3

[brutclhonesty]

★ CADE HOLLINGSWORTH on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 26 year old looks like THOMAS DOHERTY, but i don’t really see it. while the ACTOR is known for being INTENSE, my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be ARROGANT. i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song MILLION DOLLAR BILLS by LORDE

details.

name: cade william hollingsworth

dob: october 6th, 1997

zodiac: libra

face claim: thomas doherty

gender identity: cis man (he/him)

sexuality: heterosexual

profession: actor

hometown: kensington, london

spoken languages: english, french

positive traits: dedicated, honest, hard working, charismatic

negative traits: impulsive, stubborn, brutally honest, not reliable

about.

privilege, wealth, & fame were the cornerstones of the hollingsworth family, so cade has never known anything else. born the grandson of the both the legendary hollywood director, joseph hollingsworth, and the starlet of the silver screen, evelyn sterling, cade grew up around performers his entire life, which might be the reason you're never quite sure if he's being real or putting on a show. his parents, both famous in the industry, moved back to los angeles from london when he was twelve, which proved to be a challenge for him since change was never something he handled well. entering into his adolescence with a chip on his shoulder & an entitled attitude, cade quickly established the role of the 'it guy' at his private school; throwing the best parties, taking his pick of the numerous girls who fell for his smooth accent or his bright green eyes. all of it felt hollow, like something was missing, but he'd grown up in a family where status was everything, so cade couldn't identify what it could be. after graduating, cade began working alongside his father, adding his name to the credits of several big name films before he decided to pursue acting. he hated his first big role, the one that took him out from under his family's shadow, as it was exactly the opposite of the kind of films he wanted to make. the reality was, romcoms did well, so cade went on to do three of them before calling it quits and ending the trilogy. his arrogance seeped through his charming persona in various interviews, but his talent made up for how unpleasant he could be to work with. on the outside, he was the golden boy of hollywood, with the famous family and the private jet, while on the inside, he was a hollow mess. as time went on, cade continued to search for meaning, to find something of substance in the shiny world of los angeles, all the while keeping up appearances with partying & a few perfectly executed PR relationships. while the world thinks they know cade hollingsworth, he's an actor- and it's all an act. with his days of being a leading man behind him, at least for now, cade is intent on lining up solid projects that will help him grow as an actor, despite his parents encouraging him to take whatever role will end in the biggest payday. the son of two selfish creatures, it's no wonder he turned out the way he did; his whole life, he's had to look out for himself because god knew his parents wouldn't. they saw their son as an accessory, a prop to be brought out for a photo op or whenever there was a cheating scandal in the magazines. when they had no use for him, he was left for the nannies and drivers to take care of. these days, when he's not on set or off filming on location somewhere, cade lives in a beachfront villa with his own staff, the picture of confidence & wealth. his elusive white whale, finding meaning in the cold game of life, has yet to be captured, but cade has never backed down from challenges & he won't start now.

[senatushq]

NAME. Elmas Bayram AGE & BIRTH DATE. Ancient & Unknown GENDER & PRONOUNS. Female & She/her. SPECIES. Human OCCUPATION. Assistant to the Mayor, Chocolatier at What's Cookin' FACE CLAIM. Asena Keskinci

biography

You look upon a renaissance painting in a gallery and in it there’s a beautiful, busty blonde woman. And just to the right of her, somewhat obscured is a fiery redhead, brows furrowed, goblet of wine in one hand, a piece of parchment in the other. You pass another one and another one and both women just show up over and over in the background of many a famous work. Because what no one knows but what everyone knows is that Helen of Troy has nothing on Marzia Bianchi. She is beautiful, she is kind, she is kind of out there, but she gets the job done.

And Elmas is right there beside her, not quite sure when she had sprung up to help the first woman. She likes to think she’s the first redhead, or at least she should be considering that one guy had started going around telling everyone gingers didn’t have souls after meeting her. They had been through many ages together. The first woman was very popular, had this way about her of knowing everything and everyone and their business. She has a hand in that, is Marzia’s eyes and ears and had been for centuries. The woman could step into a room and know who everyone was as they approached her after a whisper in her ear.

Miranda Priestly and Emily had nothing on the two of them.

The first woman got everywhere on time, she knew exactly when and where she needed to be, who to talk to and she did it with finesse. There was never quite a ‘thank you, Elmas’, ‘you’re such a peach, Elmas’, but still, she pressed on and she got her job done, it was all she knew how to do. So she watched someone eat an apple, the leaning tower of Pisa had one just been the tower of Pisa, they’d watched Ashlee Simpson lipsync on SNL. They had been through everything together, the rise and fall of nations, of monarchies, of One Direction, whatever Madonna was doing in the 90’s. They’d been through everything together and even if she didn’t ever really get much praise verbally, in a way, she knew she was appreciated, she did tasks and happily let her mistress gain credit for them. Surely she was appreciated, right?

Time went on and Elmas started realizing there were things to life outside of the first woman. Her style had evolved based on blending in but there were designers she favored, silhouettes. The length of her hair, her nails, the music she listened to, the food she ate, the media she consumed. After centuries, around the 20th, she truly became a person molded not just by the hands of who or whatever, but by herself. But of course Marzia, once Eve, always came first. There were parties and historical events and pictures and paintings and they’re there and time seems endless. But the few moments she doesn’t have in the office are endlessly hers. Somewhere along the line she finds herself before they take Rome.

At some point, her duties went from tracking down Shakespeare to simply making dinner reservations. It became mundane, menial work to an extent, the supernatural world and all of that Eye drama aside. And so when the day came after the war had ended, Marzia decided after years and years, that she was actually bored of her position. What she had set out to do was done and so she was off to vacation with Meryl Streep of all people. Elmas had packed her bag only to be told that the keys to town hall were being passed to someone else.

And also her contract.

Hyrsam, the Satyr is given the title of mayor and while she doesn’t know quite how to feel about all that, she knows no one does her job better than her. So she takes up the mantle of his assistant just as she had for Marzia once upon a time. Marzia might ask her to bring her new issues of Vogue well before it was ready for print, but Hyrsam asks her to get him three rubber ducks and three very real ducks for his Tuesday night bath. It is fun again and with a new boss comes about new responsibilities and getting to show off her vast skillset and the connections she’s made over the years. While she would miss Marzia, at least she wouldn’t have to deal with her lycan cousin who was rumored to be sniffing bedsheets anymore.

personality

+ adaptive, efficient, ruthless - ditzy, work obsessed, stubborn

played by m. cst. any.

[totouchthcstars]

Look who just woke up- is that ELIZABETH LAIL? No, I must have been mistaken, that’s VERONICA MARS from VERONICA MARS. I heard they are THIRTY-TWO and stuck here just like everyone else. Even in the 20’s, she still gives off a A CAMERA; A MOBILE PHONE AND A PAIR OF BINOCULARS; WANTING TO SOLVE THE MURDER OF HER BEST FRIEND; ALWAYS BEING A PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT THINGS; NOT ABLE TO FORGIVE HER MOTHER FOR LEAVING THE FAMILY AND TAKING HER MONEY; TRYING NOT TO SHOW IT IN PUBLIC WHEN SOMEONE MANAGED TO HURT HER impression. In Sydney, they work as a JOURNALIST.They’re known to be quite RESOURCEFUL & INDEPENDANT but have a tendency to be FIERCE & VULNERABLE on their bad days. 

Gender/Pronouns : she/her

How long have they been in Sydney : born and raised, but in reality 5 months

Which suburb do they live in? Tba

Personality description : Sometimes it seems it was Veronica who took care of her dad, and not the other way around. It made her more mature and resourceful than other people her age. She is also sassy, not backing down, and does not let peiople scare her. However, Veronica also does not like to show when she is hurt, not wanting people to see her when she's at her lowest.

Memories of their real life : everything from the TV show, only fragments from the movie

What was their fake life like: There's really not much to say about her childhood and youth in Sydney. It was pretty normal for the 1920's. Veronica had parents, and even a younger brother. And while the family was not exactly rich, they got along. It was how Veronica would have wished her real family to be, looking back at it now. She also had a best friend in Sydney, and they even meet now and then, even when said friend is already married at this point.

Quote: "It's All Fun And Games Till One Of You Gets My Foot Up Your Ass."

Theme Song: The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends