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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

-you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality.

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime.

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that.

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances.

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted.

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile.

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy.

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche.

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed.

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms).

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him.

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does.

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene:

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff.

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention.

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

#tom riddle #character analysis #character study #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #frank dillane #i literally could not find any pictures other than these #literal crumbs i swear #i know this is unpopular #people really dislike him i guess #watch the scene again with an open mind i promise you'll like it #i seriously do think he did a good job #tw: mention of child abuse #tw: mention of self-harm #i'm not trying to oversimplify things but you can't deny that maybe if tom was hugged as a child it would have helped #say it with me: psychopathy is not an actual medical diagnosis #it's actual more of a legal/criminal justice term #and people just use it as a synonym for 'evil' at this point so the original meaning is pretty much obscured #and personality disorders should not be moralized #people with personality disorders are not 'evil'

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asatroende · 2 years ago

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my beliefs

note: this doesnt speak for what swedish people are taught, these are my interpretations and personal beliefs as pertains to my faith

these also may be subject to change

general: - i believe that its our right to write new stories and myths that may be assigned canonicity to our practice - i think that you dont have to be a witch to be religious and you dont need to buy anything to be religious, i think that people who make it seem like witchcraft and paganism are things that Have to be connected for every persons practice are conmen - i do not believe in divination - i dont believe that you have to be in direct contact with gods or spirits to be “valid” in your religious practice, you arent lesser for not having direct contact and youre not special for having tea with a god - i personally dont think that direct contact is appropriate for my gods, this is not to say that i think people who do have direct contact are doing religion wrong, i just dont personally think its appropriate for my practice, i do however think accepting the possibility of direct contact with spirits like rå is essential to asatro - i believe that not everyone should have to worship the same gods or spirits equally, i live in a subarctic climate that freezes in winter and florida is Very different from southern sweden so my holidays and gods and spirits may not be as appropriate to venerate as other gods that handle hurricanes and idk alligators? - as a continuation of the last one; even if the same gods and spirits are worshipped in name, it is allowed to worship them for different aspects, like storms of thor might be more generally applied to all weather (if we figured out some kind of thing like the greeks have with epithets thatd be amazing tho)

gods balder: its my interpretation that his death in the literature was only for the sake of dying, i believe that balder is a prophetic god of death that predicts who will die so that their journey to hels halls will be easy and painless höder: the same as his brother i believe hes a god of death, one that leads the dead to Hel just as he did his brother hel: i believe that she is kind and house all sorts of dead in her halls, all from human to gods to giants to animals and extinct plants, i worship her passively because one day ill enter her halls and its just polite loke: i worship him in his capacity as an outcast, a giant amongst asa who feels blatantly mentally ill, i venerate him in his capacity as someone alive out of spite, someone who thrives out of spite, i do not act in my practice like he is bound under the snake völund: not recognised as a god by the literature i worship him as a god of modern technology and as an inventor, if my ancient pc ever dies his name is the first ill curse oden: i do not worship him and i do not trust him, he is closer to the rules of fae than man and i dont want to step on eggshells around any god of my worship frigg: it feels obvious to say, but i believe that frigg and freja are two different goddesses, frigg to me is a competitive god whos best in crafts, not as good as elves and dwarves but almost their equal and in most crafts freja: i observe that folkvanger is something like a war settlement after the asa vana war, oden has his halls to collect soldiers and to keep the sides equal freja would also keep such a hall, i also worship her as a winter goddess of the returning light frej: summer god who represents the fertilising of fall harvest as well as the conception of kids around midsummer time as opposed to freja who would be the fertility of spring and childbirth, anthropologically its to be assumed that he goes to be with his frost giant wife for half the year and thats what makes winter but im not sure i believe that sigyrn: i dont worship her but she has my utmost love and respect as a goddess of compassion and kindness, i see her in nurses and loving teachers and in kind old grannies fenrir and garm: good boys

#ive read this like 5 times to make sure its the least hostility provoking as possible #if a god isnt mentioned i either dont have any thoughts about them worth adding here like tor heimdal and bragi #or i dont have any thoughts about them at all like sif and njord #pinned

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jyunshiim · 4 years ago

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𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬; 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘒𝘪𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Contains → fluff | angst | Kihyun x reader ft Changkyun

Listen to → Compass

Word count → 4207 words

TW → –

Chapters → | Chapter 2 |

Summary: Best friends since childhood, you and Kihyun had always been by each other’s side before things began to turn in a different direction on Prom night. From then, things changed when you both transferred to college/university. Bonds collapse, deception and fear; what will the future hold?

[ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏 ]

９ｙｅａｒｓａｇｏ．．．

You remembered your mother’s fingers tap against her arm as she leaned upon the ivory door frame of your best friends’ bedroom. “can I please stay a little longer, Kihyun and I haven’t even finished building the house yet,” you pleaded to your mother who had a smile painted across her face despite being tired from her job and taking care of you. “We have to go now, who will feed Kiwi?” She pretends to be concerned knowing it’ll lure you back home. “no, no I will feed Kiwi,” you immediately stand up and leave the little lego pieces on the floor. “I have to go and feed my cat now,” you from at a tiny Kihyun who sat distraught at the fact you were leaving him. The sky darkened and the nocturnal animals were ought to come out around now. “wave goodbye,” your mother nudges you gently and so you do, with a wide smile and your eyes full of hope.

You and Kihyun met in daycare and ever since you became best friends. You did everything together and it went on into your senior years of school.

Moving on to further education, you and Kihyun attended the same schools including high school. High school was full of surprises and also many arguments too; friendships aren’t all as smooth as it seems. Kihyun waited at your locker after every lesson you had so you could both sit together with your other friends. Kihyun’s 5’7 slender physique leaned against the cool steel of the locker, his phone sitting in the curve of his hand, scrolling through what seems to be his text messages. He texted you around 3 minutes ago and huffed impatiently – he wasn’t the most patient person in the world - wondering where you were since your class finished exactly 3 minutes ago. The hallways were congested to the point where pushing pass was necessary. The scattered ‘excuse me’s and ‘sorry can I get past please’ were ever so repetitive but it got you through your high school experience up until now. You see Kihyun at your locker, his head resting against the steel.

“what took you so long?” his voice was fruity and oddly comforting to listen to. “my teacher wouldn’t shut up about our late assignments and was setting us more, I had no control over that,” you respond instantaneously as his arm draped around your shoulders. “right, I’ll give that to you,” he tuts and rolls his eyes playfully.

The pair of you ambled through the hallways towards the cafeteria and set your belongings down onto the round table and onto the chairs beside you to reserve them for your other friends since they were coming from the other side of the school. “Jooheon and Changkyun take so long to get here, I’m going to get food, do you want anything?” he asks you waiting to respond. “oh umm- yeah maybe like a sandwich or something?” you suggest. “That’s not enough, I’m buying you a meal,” he informed politely. – of course he’ll buy you a meal –

Jooheon and Changkyun finally make their way to the table where you sat, keeping it occupied so no one else sat there. “Yo where did Kihyun go?” Jooheon asks as he gets out a Kimbap roll from his bag and rips open the packet. You point at the queue where Kihyun was and notice a girl being pushed closer to him by her friends. “There they go again,” Changkyun sighs, “Let me go and help him.” Changkyun always knew these girls will throw themselves at whatever guy they would want to get their attention from and Kihyun hated it.

“o-oh sorry, I’ll keep moving forward,” He apologises to the girls knowing what they were doing. “It’s okay Kihyunnie,” the girl purred; Kihyun could swear he just threw up in his mouth. He ignored her until Changkyun came to save the day. “Kihyun how you doing?” his American accent ringing through the cafeteria. “Ah yes, the English card,” Jooheon nods whilst munching his roll. “Oh is this for me? Thanks, I’ll pay,” Changkyun says as he swipes his card and takes both trays with him and places it on the table. The girls look shaken behind them but in return Changkyun flashes a smug smile before seating himself next to you. “I hate them, they think they can do anything to get what they want,” Changkyun sighs, “you bought bought her lunch again but not for me, how sad,” He tuts, “ you need to pay me back since I paid for it actually so next ones on you alright?” he jokes with Kihyun before sliding the tray in front of you. “Thank you but you didn’t have to,” you pick up the cutlery that was on the tray. The girls walk past, their face painted with disgust whispering something to one another. Was it about you? The 4 of you sat together and talked about your lessons and gossiped about your teachers and also talked about that group of girls who have become an infection to your school. Luckily it was very soon until the end of the entire high school experience since prom was in a few months.

After you lunch break you didn’t have any classes left so you were contemplating whether to go home or stay to study. “Hey Kihyun, are you going to go home or stay to study?” you ask him, your honeyed tone captivating his attention. “Probably, I have a test to study for, do you want to go to the library or to some café?” he asks you. You think for a moment. It’d be more logical to stay at school and study in the library; “the library, I don’t think I can focus at a café,” You grab your books and notes from you locker and make your way to the library and find a table to sit at with Kihyun. The library was slightly fuller than usual, the tables had spaces for 4-6 people but it was only you and Kihyun sitting behind a shelf of books. You set your books and notebooks out for your Business class and open your text book which has an assortment of coloured sticky notes which were highlighted and extremely condensed down. “how?” Kihyun stares in awe at your study notes. “what? My notes?” you point at them “they’re really helpful, that extra effort its worth it” you smile softly at him. “yeah I know but how do you do it, I don’t even know where to start from.” Kihyun sighs. You delve into your bag again and grasp a hold of your transparent stationary holder which was filled with sticky notes, pens and bookmark sticky tabs. You pull your seat closer to Kihyun’s and move your hair behind your ear to help him and teach him how to take notes. You open his law textbook and ask him what he needs to learn or understand so you knew where to start. “easy right?” you smile as you pass him some notes and memo sheets and he nodded his head, making himself believe that he new what he was doing. You turned back around to look at you textbooks, your eyes scanning the text book although Kihyun’s eyes often glanced away from the paper and pen and was captured by how focused you were, how you would unconsciously tuck your hair behind your ear, how your eyes scan the text you were reading and then articulate it into something concise yet informative. He needed a quick break to grab some water but you didn’t notice that he left since you were focused on studying. He placed a plastic cup on your desk and tapped your shoulder. “make sure you drink? Water is good for your brain” Kihyun smiles at you before sitting back down. “o-oh thank you!” you take the cup and drink the water, “I was going to have a short break anyway to get some water, how’s your notes going?” you ask him looking over to see a few notes here and there but he tried to cover it. “u-uh it’s, going okay.” You stand up to see the other side of him, he was doing quite well and learning how to take notes like you. “see you are doing good, isn’t it so much easier?” you ask him. He nods and hums his response. “don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it,” you nudge him softly.

An hour and a half passes and it was time to go home. You gather all your belongings organising them and putting them back into your bag, reaching for your jacket to which you find isn’t there to your surprise. “o-oh,” you sounded confused “ did I bring my jacket with me?” you ask Kihyun who had already shoved his textbook into his bag. “Oh um, You didn’t bring it with you from the cafeteria you might’ve left it there,” he shrugs “ we can go and look for it now?” He suggests and you agree with him, opening the doors to the library to leave. The school was oddly quiet. Probably because everyone leaves incredibly quickly but you and Kihyun make your way to the cafeteria and nothing was there. “ugh,” you grunt sounding annoyed “ whatever, I’ll look tomorrow and lost and found,” you drag yourself out of the cafeteria and head towards the exit.

“hey dumpling,” Changkyun calls out to get your attention. “stop calling me dumpling, It’s not cute or endearing,” you sigh “why are you still here?” you ask. “seems like someone lost their jacket,” he holds it in his hand, “ you have to get it though,” his smug smile appears gradually. You sigh and try to grab however he pulls It away from you and decides to mess with you and hold It above his head. “awh look at you, you can’t even reach it, that’s so cute” he chuckles. “just give it back, I want to go home” you whine before giving up, “I’ll walk home COLD then.” You turn around and walk knowing he’ll give it back; “okay okay hey, HEY, take it,” he says as he drapes it over your shoulder and Kihyun follows hands in his pockets. Walks home with Kihyun and Changkyun started to become the norm since the start of high school until now. You knew that once you move, everything will change and it haunted you so you enjoyed the moment whilst it lasted.

You arrived at your house and you wave your friends goodbye. “when will your mum make that soup again?” Changkyun asks. “I’m not too sure, I can ask her to make it on Friday?” You suggest. They both look at each other and nod their heads in unison.

It was late in the evening and you open your laptop; 9:45pm. You sigh. It’s been exhausting but you spent all evening tidying, cleaning and also resting after your meal. You lean back into your desk chair, the squeak startling your puppy Lucas. He hid under your bed from the sound then soon after leaving the dark abyss under your bed with a squeaky red ball. You open a word document that had over 9 thousand words for a project that you were doing for your business class. You’d study all night for your classes, some nights on call to Kihyun or another one of your friends, Irene. Tonight, you felt like being alone for some reason, perhaps because your best friend was a distraction? - I’m probably a distraction too – you think to yourself. You look at your computer and think to play something just to get your mind off school for once. You had a selection of things to do for your classes but a slight break from school wouldn’t hurt. The bright screen of your PC lit up your dimly lit room, your window open to let in the winters breeze as well as the moon beaning outside of your window tonight. You grab your headphones and plug them into the headphone jack and you see Changkyun playing the game you wanted to play.

“Yo look at who’s on,” he says in his annoying mocking tone. “you’ve seen me play before, don’t act so surprised,” you scoff, “is Kihyun playing today?” you ask Changkyun. “I don’t think so, he said he had some notes to finish and study, what a loser,” Changkyun laughs “ I mean, he lives up to that name doesn’t he,” making you laugh a little. Changkyun had always been there for you and for Kihyun, making you and Kihyun always make up by doing the most absurd things he could think of. He comforted you as well as Kihyun.

Whilst you wait in the lobby, your phone screen lights up blue with a notification from Kihyun. It was a text message.

“hey my wifi died but I was going to message you to ask what you are doing?” Kihyun texted you. You responded back almost immediately; “ I’m online playing with Changkyun hbu?” you ask. The response was delayed by a couple minutes. “I’m studying atm, if only if could go online I’d play with you” he responds with a sad faced emoticon. “I wish you could too, maybe have an early night and rest, I’ll go in a bit too,” You message him. “I’ll go whenever you do,” – that’s new, he never used to wait for you– “I mean the rounds are really long but we can call if you want,” you tap at your screen. “ it’s okay, just message me okay,”

You start a round with Changkyun, immersing yourself into the game and occasionally yelling when he’d kill you or when he’d win. “hey! That’s not fair I was drinking!” you squeal when he sneaks around the corner and gets his final kill. “no! how?” you growl. “I have never heard you grown on voice chat,” Chankgyun burts into laughter “it’s cute don’t worry, it’s like a little tiger cub.” You hand reaches for your phone to text Kihyun; it had been at least 30 minutes since you last messaged him. “hey Yoo, you still awake?” you press the blue send button and wait for the response. You kept your phone unlocked and settled it onto your desk beside your pink bunny plushie Kihyun got for your birthday which was placed next to a framed photo of you both. You glanced at your phone every second but he hadn’t opened it or read the message, perhaps he fell asleep waiting for you? “Oi why are you so quiet? Did anything happen?” Changkyun noticed the drastic change in your behaviour. “oh it’s nothing I was just waiting for Kihyun to reply but I think he fell asleep.” You lock your phone after sending him a goodnight. “yeah probably, he doesn’t study for this long so many he just fell asleep and it is 1am-” he reminds you. “1am! Shit I need to go to bed,” you scurry around and put your things away, “I’ll play with you tomorrow or something whenever Kihyun is free, I’ll be going to bed now Goodnight!” you frantically leave the game and wash up and get ready for bed. You lean against your oak headboard, your phone between your hands and scroll through your Instagram. The girls who tried to shoot their shot posted and you felt a pit fall in your stomach making your mouth go bitter.– Why do they think they’re so entitled?– you scoff before locking your phone and setting it onto the wireless charging pad you got from Irene. You lay in your bed letting the cool air in your room circulating settle onto your skin making the little hairs on your arms raise. You close your eyes, your eyelids were heavy, and sunk into your mattress letting the cotton sheets intertwine with your body the warmth sheathing your body. You let out one last sigh before drifting off into a sound slumber.

6:30 am. You twist and turn until you turn your alarm off dragging yourself to your bathroom from your bedroom and push the tap up letting the water run until it went warm. You tiredly reached out for your toothbrush and toothpaste, squeezing the white paste from the tube then setting it down on the sink. Lucas whimpers at your feet wanting you to open the garden door for him so whilst you brushed your teeth you opened the garden door for him and continued your morning. You got dressed as usual and went to the kitchen to see what was for breakfast. It was an omelette roll and some sautéed vegetables. You quickly ate your breakfast with a cup of coffee and looked at your phone. “Good morning, sorry for not replying last night but studying is so exhausting! Are you taking the bus today?” Kihyun messages you. “yeah I am,” you reply sipping the bitter, lukewarm liquid from your cup before pouring it down the sink, “is it near my house?” you furiously type before bolting to your room to grab your bag, Airpods and your jacket. Before you were about to dash through the door, you remembered your lunch. “ugh whatever, I’ll just buy lunch,” you say to yourself before running to the bus stop. You got there on time and go onto the bus; you search for Kihyun and there he was at the back, his bag reserving a seat for you before the girl from the day before spotted it thinking it was for her. – How humiliating– you slowly walk towards him.

“hey,” she flutters her lashes forcing her cutesy tone, “can I sit here?” she asks. Kihyun locks eyes with you and gulps, “oh um well- AH you are here!” he looks at you as you walk towards the two. You could see her eyes fill with fury and her blood could be heard boiling within her. “hey, did you save the seat for me?” you decided to pull her leg a little. She scoffs and turns around to realise that there are no seats, and she has to stand so she walked away and held onto the rings to keep her stable. “She won’t leave me alone,” Kihyun whispers to you, “what do I do?” you let out a soft laugh. “Don’t you know you get encounters like this because you’re single and prom is soon?” you shake your head “how naïve” you nudge him. “oh yeah true, you have a point.” He looks down at his phone scrolling through his feed and you glance over at him. “so, Kihyun, do you like anyone?” you hum leaning into him, trying to see his face, being playful like you usually are. “I-I don’t think I do,” he nods, “why are you asking?” his voice sounded apathetic when he replied. “did I say anything wrong? You sound really… off?” your playfulness disintegrated, and you were confused at his rapid change in emotion. “no you didn’t, I-I just didn’t have coffee this morning, I’m still a bit tired,” he clears his throat and looks outside, “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He hands you a little chocolate truffle wrapped in gold.

The bus stopped at your school and you both got off however the girl shoved past you causing you to drop the wrapped chocolate on the floor which she then stepped on looking back to make sure you were looking. The evil in her eyes burned bright. Kihyun didn’t see what just happened since Changkyun ran up to him and began talking. You stand still for a second as people push past you, why was she so against you? –what did I do?– “Hey sleep well last night?” Changkyun asks you, his joyful voice added to his charismatic personality. “it was great, I had a nightmare that you broke into my house to get your final kill,” you laugh softly, “that wasn’t a good dream…” you roll your eyes. “wow, Kihyun do you hear this? She dreams of me,” Changkyun provokes you to react defensively, joking around with you. “You’re making it sound so wrong,” you yell. “you finish early right? Do you want to go for lunch together?” Kihyun’s honeyed voice asks you. “Of course, if you’re paying,” you smile endearingly. “Okay, I’ll pay” his arm wraps around your shoulder before Changkyun decides to open his mouth again. “why don’t you just hold hands?” he jokes again “ you both look like a couple anyway,” He bites at his coffee straw. “No we don’t!” You laugh but only 2 of the three of you laughed at the harmless joke. “awh no, I have class,” Changkyun, “it’s fine you both can go we can hang out another day.”

Time was inching closer to your lunch break. It was nearly time to leave, just a couple more minutes. You eyed the time like you life depended on it, you were itching to leave the dingy classroom – I can’t wait to go to university– the ringing of the bell saves you from you thoughts eating you from inside. You dash out the door, or so you thought you would however Kihyun stood there waiting for you with your jacket he got from your locker. “Let’s go,” he smiles before putting his hand on your back and guiding you towards the exit. “damn you were quick,” you prodded his arm. “ well, you can always count on me, we’re like each others-“ he thinks for a moment, “we’re like each others Compass.” Kihyun’s words always sounded poetic one way or the other. He really knew how to sway you with his words, probably from all those years he made you feel comfortable and content whenever you had a hard time. “There’s this restaurant place down the road if you wanna go?” he points down the road. “oooh yeah sure, let’s go!” your ecstatic energy surprising Kihyun as you cling to his arm. He hesitated but the corner of his mouth curled into a smile and his hands rested in his pockets to seem as if he were chilled out in this situation when in fact he was yelling inside, at the top of his lungs.

The interior of the restaurant was simple yet pretty to look at. It was Bohemian inspired; the stained wooden chairs and tables and the white curtain like bunting on the plants above the ceiling. It also has an element of a rustic style too. You and Kihyun walked in and were seated; you look at the menu and your eyes scan down the laminated card. You point out a soup that you want and a drink too, “ these look really good!” you smile at him as he tries to keep himself at bay. “mmh yeah it does, I’ll get the same as you then!” He calls the waitress and orders what you wanted. Lunched passed my sooner than you’d expected but you both get out your cards to pay.

“what are you doing?” Kihyun sounded perplexed to say the least. “paying for my lunch, what else Kihyun?” He pauses at you, eyeing you up and down then whisking the card away from you. “Not today, my treat okay?” he goes to a waitress as you wait at the table. He left his bracelet on the table so you swiped it into your bag to give to him later. When Kihyun turns around, it was like the gates of Heaven opened up; there was a luminescent glow outlining his angelic features, features that were carefully sculpted by groups of angels. He was just perfect. Whilst he leads you out, you both walk to the bus stop before he pauses and begins to speak. “you know you asked me if I like anyone,” he starts off getting your hopes up thinking he’ll tell you something that’d make your heart happy, “well, do you like anyone?” his head tilts like a little puppy would when they’re confused. “hmm..” you think, unconsciously smiling to yourself, “maybe maybe not Kihyun,” you shrug giggling at his ‘O’ shaped mouth. “You are unbelievable, did you know that,” he tuts, “whatever don’t tell me, the bus is here anyway.” The bus stops and he gets on scanning his pass and you follow and do the same. There were no seats so you both had to stand; he stood behind you and held the rings above and you held onto the railings. The bus jolted and you lost your balance slightly although managing to get a hold of yourself but at the next stop, a group entered the vehicle and it was cramped. There was a middle aged man toppling onto you and as the bus jolted again he nearly crushed your petite frame until Kihyun shielded you. You looked at him. What an angel.

“Hey, Kihyun…” you whisper and he lowers down slightly to hear what you have to say with a cheerful bright smile on his face that beamed like a sun on a summers day, “you wanna know who I like right?” you giggle into his ears. His ears burned a pinkish-red; “I really really like Changkyun.”

––

➠ Chapter 2

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deadpool-scar-bro · 3 years ago

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this dude in my team is always half-assing everything he does and it’s so frustrating.

last night i was editing, compiling all our individual dub videos into one, and i noticed that his video wasn’t 30 seconds like the teacher specified (the cheeky bastard cheated and left 5 seconds of an ad in the video) and this teacher’s the one with a stick up her butt, like, i know she’s gonna make a fuss about it.

and so i was debating with myself for like 20 minutes on whether to tell this guy upfront so he could save himself a headache or let it be as it is and let the teacher chew him up infront of the class (’cause we’re presenting it today and we’re being graded on our individual video even if we’re turning it in as a team project, so like, he doing a bad job doesn’t affect me).

in the end my stupid moral compass won and i told him about it. what was this dude’s reaction? HE GOT MAD AT ME. he was like “no, no, it is 30 seconds” and i was like “dude, i don’t think the 5 second ad counts” and he INSISTED on it and i was like “y’know what? fine.” fucking asshole. (he’s also the one that called me a whore and then blamed it on the autocorrect).

and then there’s this other fucking asshole that never answers my texts and whenever we’re doing something and i offer to compile all the work he never answers me or sends me his part on time. but when another guy in the team did it he sent it all on time and even answered him all polite and shit

fuck you, dude. fuck you. i can see your sexism showing, you fucking piece of shit. oh you butthurt that you fucking suck at “being a leader” and that i’m actually the one organizing everyone?? just because you’re a cis guy doesn’t mean that you are a “natural leader”, you fucking piece of shit. you actually have to work if you wanna be one and not just go apeshit and boss around on the final hour to turn in an assignment. fucking asshole.

i don’t have time to deal with your insecure masculinity. i don’t have time to play games with you. if you turn in your part or not, it doesn’t affect me or the rest of the team. the only person you’re hurting is yourself. congrats, you fucking stanky walnut.

#personal stuff

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96thdayofrage · 3 years ago

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How History Textbooks Reflect America’s Refusal to Reckon with Slavery

Textbooks are a battleground in which the humanity and status of black Americans are contested

“Textbooks shaped how generations of white Americans thought about their black compatriots and how black Americans who read such textbooks thought about themselves.”

Four hundred years ago, a group of about 20 Africans were captured in the African interior, probably near modern-day Angola, and forcibly transported on a slave ship headed to the Americas. After tumultuous months at sea, they landed ashore in the first British colony in North America — Jamestown, Virginia — in late August 1619.

Hazen’s Elementary History of the United States: A Story and a Lesson, a popular early 20th-century textbook for young readers, picked up the story of the first black Virginians from there.

“The settlers bought them,” explained the 1903 text, “... and found them so helpful in raising tobacco that more were brought in, and slavery became part of our history.”

Its barebones lesson plan included just two easily digestible factoids for the year 1619: the introduction of the Africans — with an illustration of two half-naked black people standing on a beach before a pontificating pirate and a crowd of onlookers — and the creation of the Virginia House of Burgesses, the first formal legislative body in the American colonies.

Hazen’s Elementary History of the United States: A Story and a Lesson, published in 1903, included very little about 1619 and the role slavery played in the formation of the United States.

But the history of Jamestown and slavery isn’t that simple. Even though the 1619 landing wasn’t the first arrival of Africans in the Americas, it fits within the history of colonial America, black America, the global slave trade, and ultimately the foundation of our country. So how textbooks summarized this history — one characterized by a scant documentary record and often from the perspective of European settlers and white Americans — matters.

“Textbooks are supposed to teach us a common set of facts about who we are as Americans ... and what stories are key to our democracy,” said Alana D. Murray, a Maryland middle-school principal and author of The Development of the Alternative Black Curriculum, 1890-1940: Countering the Master Narrative.

As textbooks show — through omissions, downright errors, and specious interpretations, particularly regarding racial issues — not everyone enjoys the perks of civic belonging or gets a fair shake in historical accounts. This is even true of textbooks used today — 400 years after Africans’ 1619 arrival, more than 150 years after emancipation — with narratives more interested in emphasizing the compassion of enslavers than the cruelty endured by the enslaved.

Textbooks have long remained a battleground in which the humanity and status of black Americans have been contested. Pedagogy has always been preeminently political.

From fast facts to black inferiority: how slavery has been portrayed historically in textbooks

The Hazen’s textbook framed Jamestown and its role in the development of US slavery as an inevitable matter of labor demand and economic pragmatism, a common argument in US school materials at the turn of the 20th century.

Yet that was just one school of thought. After slavery’s end in this country, many Southern-focused textbooks promoted a Lost Cause approach to Jamestown and slavery writ large, portraying the institution as part of a natural order. White Southerners created ideologically driven narratives that yearned for the Good Ole Days where whites sat atop the hierarchy and African Americans were faithful slaves. In this racist revisionism, they didn’t have to reckon with the new black citizen, voter, or legislator as nominal equals.

Somewhat typical in this distorted history was A Child’s History of North Carolina, circa 1916, which also focused on slavery’s profitability and erased its violence. In this view, the enslaved people were happy, and Southern slave owners were reluctant masters at best.

“White Southerners created ideologically driven narratives that yearned for the Good Ole Days where whites sat atop the hierarchy.”

According to the book, enslaved people “were allowed all the freedom they seemed to want, and were given the privilege of visiting other plantations when they chose to do so. All that was required of them was to be in place when work time came. At the holiday season they were almost as free as their masters.” Moreover, “most people in North Carolina were really opposed to slavery and were in favor of a gradual emancipation. Slavery was already in existence, however, through no fault of theirs. They had the slaves and had to manage as best they could the problem of what to do with them.”

Furthermore, the book argued that abolitionists — never a huge voting bloc — were responsible for electing Abraham Lincoln, and that their unspecified violence made the South “indignant.”

Some Northern writers tried their hand at what they believed was a more nuanced approach in revising children’s history books in light of emancipation. And that included how they talked about that slave ship arriving in Virginia and the people aboard.

Take the example of Children’s Stories of American Progress, published in 1886. Northern white writer Henrietta Christian Wright, known for her popular stories of fairies and magic, described that day in August 1619 as a time when the meadows alongside the James River were “beautiful with summer” — a sight lost on the African captives.

However, Wright also imagined eyes that “looked wearily out from the port-holes of the ship” and saw a new landscape that “only seemed dreary and desolate, a land of exile and death.” She alternated between seeing through their eyes with being the omniscient narrator viewing them from above. She implicated European powers for turning Africa into “the great hunting-ground” and capitalizing off internecine struggles on the continent. Yet the plunder that carried Africans “like dumb beasts across the Atlantic” was “all because the white man chose to use his greater intelligence to oppress instead of befriend them.”

Wright didn’t skimp on moralizing about slavery as an evil, unsuitable enterprise for a putatively Christian nation, but she didn’t see Africans as Europeans’ peers, either. Her portrayal of the inferiority of black people reflected a common belief among white Americans, even some former abolitionists. Accounts like hers shaped how generations of white Americans thought about their black compatriots and, according to a rising cadre of black educators, how black Americans who read such textbooks thought about themselves.

Black voices enter the textbook industry after the Civil War — but barely disrupt it

The benevolent racism that infected textbooks also inspired a new generation of history writers who wanted to inject less bias and more accuracy into instructional materials. African Americans, often women teachers or laypeople with little formal training, began authoring textbooks and creating history pageants that spanned centuries with song, speech, and dance in the decades after the Civil War.

“You have these big textbooks that were in schools, but they had nothing to do with what black people are writing. Black history textbooks and black people had a totally different view of citizenship [in the late 1800s to mid-1900s],” Murray said.

She became interested in how black people wrote their own history when her graduate class on teaching social studies failed to even mention the father of what became Black History Month, Carter G. Woodson. Shocked by the glaring omission, Murray began researching and found women like Dorothy Guinn, a YWCA director, who co-wrote Out of the Dark (1924), a pageant in which spectators and its high school performers got a theatrical tour through the slave trade in Africa, Reconstruction, and then-contemporary moments.

A character named the Chronicler intones about Phillis Wheatley, Benjamin Banneker, and Sojourner Truth. She gets an assist from musical numbers like “Go Down, Moses,” Paul Laurence Dunbar poems, and muse-like characters called the Children of Genius, who represent music, literature, science, and art. They are her Greek chorus, there to enlighten with well-placed tidbits of information.

The zeal to correct and counter other people’s accounts of black history motivated people like North Carolina’s Edward A. Johnson, a black lawyer who released his own textbook, A School History of the Negro Race in America from 1619-1819 in 1890.

In his preface, he wrote of his 11 years teaching and observing “omission and commission on the part of white authors, most of whom seem to have written exclusively for white children, and studiously left out the many creditable deeds of the Negro. … But how must the little colored child feel when he has completed the assigned course of U. S. History and in it found not one word of credit, not one word of favorable comment for even one among the millions of his foreparents who have lived through nearly three centuries of his country’s history!”

“African Americans began authoring textbooks and creating history pageants that spanned centuries with song, speech, and dance.”

Leila Amos Pendleton, a former Washington, DC, teacher, expressed similar sentiments in her A Narrative of the Negro. Dating to 1912, it preceded Woodson’s 1933 pioneering Mis-Education of the Negro, which railed against the American educational system’s failure to teach accurate black history.

Pendleton reframed the Jamestown arrival of those first African Virginians, putting it in a diasporic context that discussed African civilizations (an oxymoron, according to many white authors), the African presence in Mexico, slavery in Muslim countries, and the systematic abuse of indigenous peoples in the colonies.

She also made a direct emotional appeal to black children: “PICTURE to yourselves, dear children, a small group of foreigners frightened and sad, with hearts aching for home and for the loved ones from whom they had been torn …. The early part of the seventeenth century belongs to the dark ages of the world’s history, to the time when men had not yet understood that it is the right of every human creature to be free and that it is the solemn duty of every man and every race to help toward true freedom every other man and every other race.”

LaGarrett King, a professor and founding director of the University of Missouri’s Carter Center for K-12 Black History Education, said it’s hard to know how widely used such texts were. He can say Johnson’s was used in a black Raleigh, North Carolina, high school. Murray, the Maryland principal and scholar, pointed out that Pendleton’s was advertised in the NAACP magazine the Crisis, and that she likely had an unusual advantage: Her husband owned the publishing outfit that produced her book.

But their explicitly political versions of history, which recounted a black past that was more than slavery and sometimes had its own share of romanticism, couldn’t dislodge decades — centuries, really — of white supremacy via textbook. It couldn’t stop such ideologies from being circulated in American schools, even in more recent decades.

From the civil rights movement to today, textbooks still leave a lot to be desired

Even in the heyday of the civil rights movement and beyond, textbooks still failed to capture the reality of what the enslaved endured through their perspective. “In the greater number of textbooks, slave life is pictured as a not too unpleasant condition; in fact, it was often described as having been rather nice in the sheer beauty of relationship between the slaveowner and the slaves,” wrote graduate student James O. Lewis, whose thesis on black representations in textbooks in 1960 influenced the NAACP’s efforts to revamp racist textbooks.

Lewis also concluded that instructional materials were quick to equate blackness with slavery, especially when writing about Jamestown. He noted that all textbooks in his sample included the arrival of the first Africans to Jamestown, and though he observed diversity in how the books described the Africans’ arrival, the majority insisted that slavery began with them in the Jamestown colony.

Lewis, however, supported the view of a minority of those textbooks that these involuntary migrants were indentured servants, a debate that continues today. In 1619, when the Africans arrived, Virginia had no legal framework for slavery in the colony, but moved in successive decades to cement slavery as a hereditary racial institution.

King said that, overall, textbooks have failed to clearly communicate the nuances, questions, and debates about the Africans’ status in early Virginia. And that’s part of a larger, existential problem.

“The way we teach K-12 black history is either oppression or liberation,” he said. “The majority of teachers know that 1619 is a year that we represent the first Africans [to come to British North America] on what would become US soil. But then what’s missing is what happened next. Then, in terms of black history, we just move on to slavery. A lot of textbooks now will center them as both [slaves or indentured servants], but the way we understand slavery is very vague. Our textbooks say they were sold for goods, but they could have been indentured and sold for goods, until their terms [of their labor contracts] were up.”

But few K-12 instructors know enough about the debate over the Africans’ status to be able to sort out what’s what, and many agree that textbooks they use are ineffective. A 2018 report from the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), “Teaching Hard History: American Slavery,” found that more than half of teachers (58 percent) polled weren’t happy with their textbooks and almost 40 percent said that their state offered little or no support for teaching about slavery.

King said there’s also the issue of what teachers themselves learned in the textbooks they read as students because “we regularly saw egregious and racist references to black people as late as the 70s.” The birth of black studies programs and the “new” social history, the popularity of Alex Haley’s Roots, and civil rights activism helped usher in curricular changes. The NAACP, for example, had a textbook committee that monitored how schoolbooks portrayed black communities and history. But sometimes, so did groups such as the Confederate Veterans of America, which released a 1932 report decrying one textbook’s portrayal of Jamestown as a raggedy settlement that didn’t compare well with New England’s early colonies.

Even if most textbooks are no longer overtly racist, it doesn’t mean pedagogy has sufficiently changed. Over the past decade, school districts around the country have come under fire for the way they teach slavery, including incorporating slavery references into math equations.

In 2012, an Atlanta elementary school posed this homework question: “If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week? Two weeks?” And just last year, San Antonio, Texas parents complained about a history homework assignment that asked eighth graders to list positive and negative aspects of slavery. Turns out the activity was directly tied to a textbook used by the school for about 10 years. Prentice Hall Classics: A History of the United States argued that all slaveowners were not cruel: “a few [slaves] never felt the lash,” and “many may not have even been terribly unhappy with their lot, for they knew no other.”

It’s no surprise then that, according to the SPLC report, only 8 percent of high school seniors surveyed knew that slavery was the central cause of the Civil War, 12 percent understood slavery was important to the Northern economy, and just 22 percent could identify how the Constitution benefited slaveowners.

Textbooks remain a reflection of the political climate

Textbooks have been a part of the culture wars for a long time, said King. In the late 1990s, scholar Leah Wasburn analyzed slavery representation’s in US history textbooks used in Indiana, and she noted how the religious right influenced textbooks in the 1980s and’90s. During this period, there were more conservative references to how Christianity got the enslaved through hard times, as well as traditional family rhetoric that said the wives of slave owners (which assumed women weren’t slaveowners themselves) took care of the enslaved in motherly ways.

King explained, “It boils down to money and politics. One of the strategies of conservative politicians is taking over state school boards, where textbook policies are been adopted.” Seats on those boards are often appointed, and large states — those who can deliver big sales to publishing companies and may require school systems to buy particular textbooks — have a massive say in what content makes its way into student’s hands and minds.

Texas, for example, earned a reputation for inserting dubious information and interpretations about the nation’s creation, evolution, and slavery into its school books. In one case, Moses — he of the Ten Commandments — was listed as a Founding Father, and enslaved people were referred to as immigrant workers in a textbook caption a student flagged in 2015. And this is a problem that transcends the Lone Star state; as a New York Review of Books analysis of the state’s curricular curation stated in this epigram: “What happens in Texas doesn’t stay in Texas when it comes to textbooks.”

However, outcry has sparked some change: In late 2018, the Texas state school board decided that public school curricula should be changed to emphasize slavery as a primary cause of the Civil War, when it previously prioritized sectionalism and states rights; those changes are scheduled to go in effect this school year for middle and high school students.

But despite many Americans’ desire to see history as one straight line of progress — and that applies to the timeline of both America the country and American textbooks — King sees a future of hard work ahead.

There are still few textbook authors of color, and in K-12 “more than 80 percent of [public elementary and secondary] teachers are white,” King said. “The curriculum is still Eurocentric, despite the cosmetic diversity. We have quantitatively improved in diversifying the curriculum, though we haven’t qualitatively improved.” This is because so much of black history is defined only through contact with Europeans and American whites, he says.

He suggests intentional evidence-based reframing — which complicates assumptions that black people’s reasons for their actions were the same as white people’s. For example, instead of pointing to black Americans’ fighting on both sides of the American Revolution as mere proof of patriotism — as black Americans are constantly required to prove their fealty in history and contemporary politics — he points out blacks were promised freedom, directly or indirectly, if they took up arms.

Still, he explains there are more good resources for teachers to learn from and use today. This includes materials that aren’t hardbound texts, like the recent 1619 Project from the New York Times; Teaching Tolerance’s “Teaching Hard History” series, which has multiple episodes on slavery featuring accomplished scholars and has recently updated content on teaching K-5 students; and online readings lists about a variety of topics dealing with race, such as the Ferguson syllabus.

For her part, Murray says that as a former teacher and now an administrator, she’s always striving to create another alternative canon.

“There’s always a group of teachers who will teach the curriculum. But there’s one teacher in every department who’s engaged in upper-level discussions about how to create a curriculum that matters to their students. For them, it’s not just about how many facts they have to memorize; it’s about how to include LGBTQ history, for example.”

To push forward, she says educators must continue to pull from intellectual descendants like Leila Amos Pendleton, whom she calls “dream weavers and writers, people who were in front of children teaching them and writing for them.” As Murray notes, “They were imagining for them and for us.”

Dr. Cynthia R. Greenlee is a North Carolina-based historian, journalist, and editor. Her writing has appeared in Literary Hub, Longreads, Smithsonian, and Vice, among others. Follow her on Twitter at @CynthiaGreenlee.

This article previously appeared in Vox .

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basicsofislam · 4 years ago

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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Morals And Manners: Studying and Learning (Part 2)

TEACHER–STUDENT RELATIONS

Ali ibn Abu Talib said, “I would be the slave of anyone who teaches me one letter.” This saying expresses the great respect that is due to teachers. Throughout Islamic history, educational institutions have always remained free of association with governmental or political institutions, avoiding partiality in political debates, and thereby pro- tecting the dignity of knowledge, even when scholars were threat- ened with the worst kind of persecution. Teachers did not discrimi- nate between students according to race, class, or socioeconomic background, and tried their best to help all develop into good citi- zens. The Ottoman rulers did not deviate from this tradition and maintained respect for teachers. There is a famous story about Sultan Selim I, the ninth Ottoman sultan, and his teacher Ibn Kemal. When they were returning from victory at the Battle of Mercidabik in 1516 the teacher was traveling in front of the Sultan, and his horse splashed mud on the Sultan’s robes. The Sultan smiled and, saying that the mud was an ornament to his robes, ordered that they be saved—unwashed—and used to cover his coffin.

PROPER ATTITUDE TOWARDS SCHOLARS

Traditionally, out of respect, we avoid calling our parents by their first names; this kind of respect is also due to scholars as well.

Adab demands such respect to scholars, because it is they who are the heirs to the Prophets. Children should learn from our example to honor and esteem scholars, never to act in an improper or un- seemly manner in their presence, and to speak softly when they are in the room. At all times, scholars should be treated with courtesy and politeness.

Yahya ibn Muadh spoke of the value of scholars thus: “Scholars are more merciful to the family of believers than mothers and fa- thers are to their children.” When he was asked why he said this, he answered, “Mothers and fathers save their children from the physi- cal fire in this world, but scholars save them from the eternal fire in the Hereafter.”17 This is one of the reasons why scholars deserve re- spect from us.

A Prophetic saying, related by Ubada ibn al-Samit, states, “One who does not respect their elders, one who does not show sympa- thy and compassion for children, and one who does not know the value of scholars is not of us.”18 In another hadith the Prophet said, “A person who acquires knowledge merely so that they will be praised in front of scholars, or to argue with the ignorant, or to win the admiration of people is bound for Hell.”19

As for the proper behavior for children toward scholars, Ibn Abbas related an experience he had as a child with one of the Companions: “When God’s Messenger passed away, I asked a man from the Ansar, ‘Come, I want to go and learn from the Companions of the Prophet because there are many here now.’ The man replied, ‘I am surprised at you, Ibn Abbas! Do you imagine that anyone will be in need of you (i.e. your knowledge) while the Companions of God’s Messenger are still among us?’ Then he left. I went to the Companions alone and asked them some questions. When I learned that a particular hadith had been related by someone, I would go to that person’s house. If he were sleeping, I would use my cloak as a pillow and lie down in front of his door to wait; the wind would blow dust over me (while waiting there in patience). The man would come out and he would see me, usually addressing me, ‘O cousin of the Prophet! What is wrong, why are you lying here? If you had sent word to me, I would have come to you!’ (And in return) I would answer, ‘No, it is more appropriate that I come to you.’ I would then ask this Companion about the hadith. Later, one day when I was sur- rounded by people (and teaching them what I had learned), that same man from the Ansar came and saw that I was being asked questions. He said, ‘This youth is more intelligent than I.’”20

The following example is another good example of the prop- er behavior of the children of the Companions towards the schol- ars: Said ibn al-Musayyab used to pray two rakats of prayer and then sit down. The children of the Companions would gather around him, but no one would say anything or ask any questions until after he had recited a hadith for them. Then they would ask him questions.21

Hasan al-Basri likewise warned his son to practice adab with scholars, reminding him, “My child! When you sit with scholars, listen more than you speak. Just as you have learned to speak well, now learn to listen well. Until the scholar stops speaking—no mat- ter how long he may speak—do not interrupt him!”

TEACHER ETIQUETTE

Just as the adab of teaching and learning applies to students of all kinds of knowledge, not only religious knowledge, all teachers, no matter what their subject, should practice adab in their duties. The following are some guidelines for teachers:

A teacher should be up to date on the latest information and developments in their field and always come to class well prepared.

A teacher should explain the topic at a level the students will understand, thus not destroying their motivation by making them feel it is too difficult.

A teacher should live an exemplary life which inspires re- spect in terms of their behavior, words, lifestyle, and mor- als. “Respect cannot be forced, it can only be given.” Teachers who constantly scold their students, demand re- spect from them, and try to force it instead of inspiring it are not only the least beloved teachers, they are also the least effective.

A teacher should always strive to love teaching and to com- municate their knowledge in the best way possible.

A teacher should approach students with the same compas- sion as a parent, not indulging hard workers, or belittling or putting down lazy students.

Students’ faults should not be pointed out and listed in front of their friends in order to humiliate them; teaching requires tolerance and a forgiving nature.

When necessary, a teacher should listen to students to share their problems, give them support, and assist them. At the same time, they should be careful not to become so famil- iar and casual with the students that they lower the digni- ty of the pursuit of knowledge.

Grades should not be held over students’ heads as a threat and a teacher must be impartial in assigning grades.

Teachers must avoid accepting expensive gifts, lavish dinner parties, or other such offers made by the families of stu- dents to safeguard the honor and integrity of their office.

STUDENT ETIQUETTE

Clear, concise rules are required for a child’s moral education, character and values to develop properly and to ensure academic success. If this foundation is laid both at home and in the student– teacher relationship, the classroom environment becomes more en- joyable and positive. For this reason the most essential rules will be listed here:

Honesty: This is one of the most basic and critical corner- stones of communal life at any level. Lying, cheating, copying the work of others, stealing, or using things with- out permission must not be tolerated at school; indeed, they are unacceptable in every segment of society.

Courtesy: This is the outer expression of basic respect for oneself and others. Therefore, students must be held re- sponsible for their choice of words or the tone of their voice. The same polite behavior and courtesy that they owe to their elders they also owe to their peers; that is, students need to be courteous to one another.

Social relationships: Students need to be taught to avoid insulting or using vulgar terms of address or styles of com- munication with one another. They must not forget that it is bad behavior to belittle, ridicule, or taunt other stu- dents, or to form cliques. Students should be admonished and warned about such behavior on a regular basis so they will take it seriously, thus learning to be careful about how they joke or tease others.

Personal care: This is an important mark of a person with excellent character. Children must learn to pay attention to personal cleanliness and bathe daily. As they grow, physical cleanliness becomes more and more important, and they should be aware of this. Hygiene is the most ef- fective way to stay healthy and avoid contagious illnesses (which are often rife in school environments). So students should remember to wash their hands with soap before and after meals and before and after using the restroom.

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chriscolfernews · 5 years ago

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Chris Colfer is renowned for his Golden Globe-winning performance as Kurt Hummel on Fox'sGlee, where he helped bring the story and struggles of a gay teen to an international audience.

However, the 29-year-old actor-turned-writer is also taking the literary world by storm. Colfer has written an impressive 15 novels, most notably his The Land of Stories children's fantasy series. He does not shy away from LGBTQ activism on the page. His latest book, A Tale of Magic..., which centers on people persecuted for practicing magic, "is an allegory for being gay," Hummel told The Advocate in a recent interview.

Evoking a children's version of The Handmaid's Tale, A Tale of Magic presents a world where women have no rights and are barred from reading. Additionally, practitioners of magic are condemned to death or life imprisonment. A young girl, Brystal Evergreen, rebels against this tyranny by engaging in both. In turn, she is sent to a correctional facility to "cure" her of her magic. A mysterious savior, Madame Weatherberry, rescues Brystal from detainment and recruits her on a mission to change the hearts and minds of the kingdom.

In the following interview, Colfer discusses how antigay politics of the real world inspired his magical allegory, which he calls a "manifesto for compassion. I’ve never written anything like it before." A Tale of Magic, now available on Amazon and wherever good books are sold, also recently debuted at #1 on the New York Times Best Seller list, demonstrating how Colfer's message of political resistance has resonated with young audiences.

The Advocate: Congratulations on your new book! What inspired A Tale of Magic?

Chris Colfer: Trauma, mostly. I was 11 years old when 9/11 happened. I remember I was old enough to understand what was happening, but I wasn’t old enough to understand why it was happening. And I don’t think anything is scarier for a child than confusion. I can’t imagine how scared kids must feel nowadays. So I wanted to write a book that parents and teachers could use as a point of reference when they explain the troubling things their kids and students see on the news. I hope it puts things into perspective while giving them a magical adventure at the same time.

You’ve written 15 books. What’s the secret to your productivity? Caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine. Also, isolation. Sometimes I’ll go weeks without seeing anyone besides my boyfriend and our dogs.

Who are your literary influences? Well, I apologize for sounding like a millennial cliché, but J.K. Rowling had the biggest impact on me. I wasn’t a good reader when I was young, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was the first book I actually enjoyed reading. And some of my happiest childhood memories were going to those midnight release parties. I then went on to devour everything by C.S. Lewis, Eva Ibbotson, and Bruce Coville. On some level, I think I’m still mourning the end of Harry Potter. It left a void I’ve been trying to fill by writing my own books.

What appeals to you about the fantasy genre in particular? I suppose it’s the escapism and encouragement it provides. In fantasy, a mouse can slay a dragon if it’s courageous enough. That’s very therapeutic for those of us still battling our own dragons.

A Tale of Magic, much like The Handmaid’s Tale, shows a bleak world where women have no rights. Also, practitioners of magic are subjected to imprisonment or even the death sentence. While writing the book, how much did the real world and the current political climate influence your storytelling? The current climate was the entire inspiration. A Tale of Magic was supposed to be an easy task for me. It was supposed to be the start of a simple prequel series. The working title was The Land Before Stories. But when I sat down to actually write it, I felt so angry and helpless by the state of the world, I had to do something more so I could sleep at night. Even if I was the wrong messenger, even if it didn’t do well, I wanted to do anything I possibly could to guide the next generation onto a better path. It ceased to be a prequel and became a completely original story. Now I consider A Tale of Magic my manifesto for compassion. I’ve never written anything like it before.

What is the overarching message you wanted to send by centering your story on a character who is not only discriminated against for her gender, but also her extraordinary abilities? I want young people to know that just because they’re born into an environment that doesn’t accept or appreciate them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t an environment that will. There’s a lot of love waiting for you out there if you’re willing to look for it. I’m living proof. Also, the more the world discourages you, the more it needs you.

The protagonist is sent to a “Correctional Facility for Troubled Young Women” in the hopes that she will be “cured” of her magical gifts. This storyline echoes the experiences of survivors of conversion therapy. How do you think fiction — your novel in particular — can fight against antigay forces like "ex-gay" therapy in the real world? Thank you for making that connection. In my opinion, the purpose of fiction, besides providing an escape, is to subconsciously plant seeds of reason and compassion in people’s minds. That was the sole mission of the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault. After reading about the horrible and abusive experiences at the Correctional Facility in A Tale of Magic, I hope my readers will grow up with a resentment of conversion therapy already ingrained within them. If I can get them to sympathize with the struggles of a fictitious magical community, then maybe, just maybe, they’ll be more likely to sympathize with the struggles of other communities fighting for acceptance in the real world.

In addition to A Tale of Magic being a novel, do you see it as a work of LGBTQ activism? I’d like to think so. Although, I have no control over how other people will interpret it. For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay. The characters are raised to believe magic is demonic and unnatural. They’re sent to camps where they “pray the magic away.” And they’re all on a mission to prove "magic isn’t a choice." But what magic represents for me may be different for a little girl in Egypt or a teenage boy in Japan. We all have obstacles that hold us back. We’re all assigned different stigmas based on our circumstances. So, whatever your “magic” may be, A Tale of Magic is about overcoming the forces that suppress it.

We’re living in a world when books are still being banned — and the written word itself is under attack. As a novelist, do you see it as your duty to fight against censorship? Absolutely. You have to be incredibly strategic to get your book into the hands of the people who need it the most. Especially when your books have LGBTQ themes. So many authors get criticized when they reveal a character’s orientation or gender identity after publication instead of on the page. But I don’t always agree with those critics. In some places books are instantly banned if they have any LGBTQ characters or LGBTQ references whatsoever. But there are ways of getting representation into those territories that goes under the radar. That’s the purpose of the character Xanthous Hayfield in A Tale of Magic. His orientation is never directly addressed in the first book, but there are enough clues so a closeted little boy living in an oppressive country can relate to him and know he’s not alone. But I don’t think censorship can survive the modern age. In fact, I think governments shoot themselves in the foot when they apply censorship. It instantly triggers a wave of curiosity and publicity you can’t buy. So please, by all means, ban me.

Did you have a Madame Weatherberry, the "fairy godmother" character in A Tale of Magic, in your life? My grandmother was my biggest cheerleader growing up. She made me believe in myself, and I think that’s the greatest gift you can give a kid, even if you don’t necessarily believe their dreams are practical. I used to sit with her for hours and hours on her back patio and talk. We’d make game plans of how I was going to accomplish my goals while she smoked and polished her guns.

You dedicate your novel to those whose shoulders you stand on — presumably LGBTQ pioneers. Did you have any particular figures in mind when making this dedication? There are a hundred names I could list that everyone knows, but it’s really about the people who are unknown. I get pretty emotional when I think about it. There are millions of people who never got to reap the benefits of their courage and honesty, but because they stood up when they did, I get to do what I love and be with who I love. I can’t imagine the bravery it took. Even right now, there are people in other parts of the world reading this website in secret, looking for encouragement as they fight for their right to exist. Wherever they are, I hope they can feel the future’s gratitude.

If you could have any magical ability, what would it be? Honestly, I’d be happy with just a faster metabolism. That sounds pretty magical.

What appeals to you about your literary work, versus the world of television and film? I suppose it’s the control. When I write a novel, it can be anything and everything I want it to be. I get to tell the story and describe the images exactly as they exist in my mind. In film and television there’s always so many cooks in the kitchen it’s difficult to produce a pure vision. There’s a lot of compromising and negotiating and it requires a lot of patience. Also, I can write books in my pajamas. It doesn’t get better than that.

Would you adapt A Tale of Magic into a movie or TV series? I would love to see A Tale of Magic come to life. I guess it all depends on my experience with the Land of Stories film adaptation. For my own physical safety, I hope the Disney/Fox merger settles so we can finish it. There are millions of kids around the world who are going to want to hurt me if they don’t get a movie soon.

#chris colfer #the advocate #a tale of magic press

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migleefulmoments · 5 years ago

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Chris Speaks Through ATOM

Abby’s Book Club is finally coming through with the long-promised lit analysis of A Tale Of Magic by Christopher Paul Colfer.

Like all great explorations of fiction, they are looking for the author’s main messages. The tinhatters love them some symbolism so they will be scouring the tome, searching for anything they can make into a symbol of Darren’s great oppression, Darren’s great love, Darren’s gay or just plain old Darren.

The one thing that stuck out to me as I listened to the audiobook-well besides the obvious LGBTQ themes- was the lack of anything suggesting Crisscolfer. TLOS had several romances that the tinhatters were able to exploit to meet their symbolic needs, but ATOM is about kids- the main character is 14 yo and romance is not on her mind and many other characters are even younger. The story is about self-acceptance and homophobia, The characters have many lessons to learn before they can think about a healthy romance. But never fear, Abby’s Book Club found what they were cclooking for and see Darren all over the story. But first, let’s talk a little about what I see in a quick and dirty analysis of the most obvious themes of the story and then talk about what Chris says about his own story while promoting it.

One thing about Mr. Colfer’s writing is that he doesn’t rely on subtlety to get his message across- his messages are loud and clear and right there for you. True, he is writing for kids, but he just isn’t subtle- he beats his message with the veracity of an over-excited Bam Bam Rubble. In an interview (below) with the Advocate, the interviewer asks about the obvious conversion therapy storyline Chris responds by thanking them for picking up on that. Thank you for picking up on that? It’s so obvious! It’s Stephen King thanking his readers for picking up on the horror themes in Carrie.

Under a cut because this is super long

Chris Speaks Through ATOM

While promoting the book, Chris made it very clear that the story is meant to be a book of inspiration for kids around the world. He was inspired to write a book he calls a “manifesto for compassion” after getting so depressed about our political climate and receiving letters from scared gay kids from around the world. He wanted to write a book that

“parents and teachers could use as a point of reference when they explain the troubling things their kids and students see on the news. I hope it puts things into perspective while giving them a magical adventure at the same time”

He goes on to say the current political climate is the entire inspiration for his book. When asked what his overarching message he answered:

“The current climate was the entire inspiration...when I sat down to actually write it, I felt so angry and helpless by the state of the world, I had to do something more so I could sleep at night. Even if I was the wrong messenger, even if it didn’t do well, I wanted to do anything I possibly could to guide the next generation onto a better path”

When asked about the overarching message of the main character being discriminated against for her gender and her magic abilities, he replied:

“I want young people to know that just because they’re born into an environment that doesn’t accept or appreciate them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t an environment that will. There’s a lot of love waiting for you out there if you’re willing to look for it. I’m living proof. Also, the more the world discourages you, the more it needs you.”

When questioned about the storyline that clearly references conversion therapy he said:

“Thank you for making that connection. In my opinion, the purpose of fiction, besides providing an escape, is to subconsciously plant seeds of reason and compassion in people’s minds. That was the sole mission of the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault. After reading about the horrible and abusive experiences at the Correctional Facility in A Tale of Magic, I hope my readers will grow up with a resentment of conversion therapy already ingrained within them. If I can get them to sympathize with the struggles of a fictitious magical community, then maybe, just maybe, they’ll be more likely to sympathize with the struggles of other communities fighting for acceptance in the real world.”

He was asked: In addition to A Tale of Magic being a novel, do you see it as a work of LGBTQ activism?

“I’d like to think so. Although, I have no control over how other people will interpret it. For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay. The characters are raised to believe magic is demonic and unnatural. They’re sent to camps where they “pray the magic away.” And they’re all on a mission to prove "magic isn’t a choice." But what magic represents for me may be different for a little girl in Egypt or a teenage boy in Japan. We all have obstacles that hold us back. We’re all assigned different stigmas based on our circumstances. So, whatever your “magic” may be, A Tale of Magic is about overcoming the forces that suppress it”.

ATOM is dedicated to the LGBTQ pioneers who came before you, what particular figures?

“There are a hundred names I could list that everyone knows, but it’s really about the people who are unknown. I get pretty emotional when I think about it. There are millions of people who never got to reap the benefits of their courage and honesty, but because they stood up when they did, I get to do what I love and be with who I love. I can’t imagine the bravery it took. Even right now, there are people in other parts of the world reading this website in secret, looking for encouragement as they fight for their right to exist. Wherever they are, I hope they can feel the future’s gratitude.”

Themes and Message of ATOM

LGBTQ

“Magic” is an allegory for being gay. Society is scared of magic and detests anyone who can perform magic. Magical creatures have all been banished from the kingdom and anyone with magical powers has to hide it from the kingdom or they will be sent to a special “correctional” facility where they will be forced to try to rid themselves of their special powers. The magic kids are called “fairies” (I couldn’t decide if this made me laugh or if it was horrifying).

Self-acceptance: Madam Weatherberry is recruiting students for her new academy, Hogwarts (I can’t remember the real name but I believe it was a mouthful and a running gag). The academy will teach magic but it will also teach it’s students self-acceptance and how to love oneself. Brystal finds herself a leader at the school.

Normalize magic to change society’s perception: The kingdom is a dystopian world that resembles Trump’s base in 2020 or all of America up until the 20th century. The father insists on austerity for the entire family and women have no rights. Women aren’t allowed to read (except recipes and grocery lists), they are required to look like ‘Living dolls” at all times including wearing complicated, layered clothing and women and girls do all of the work around the home and garden. Girls are expected to want nothing more than to get married and have children. Anyone with magical abilities is immediately shunned and sent to a correctional facility to be cured. Madame Weatherberry’s new school’s mission is also to change society’s perception of magic kids through normalizing magic. She also rejects society’s strict rules for male and female rules. Girls are allowed to read and study in the same books and classes as the boys.

Chosen Families- Brystal is shunned by her family and after being convicted of being magical, she is sent away to the “correctional facility”. It is there, away from her real family that she meets the people who become her chosen family.

It Get’s Better: Brystal learns that it gets better when she is empowered by Madame Weatherberry to love and accept herself. She meets other magic kids who support and love her replacing her judgemental, unsupportive family who shunned her. Brystal is so empowered that she leads the effort and successfully defeats the villain in the story

Conversation therapy is horrific- The “correctional facility” is a dark place where young fairies spend years living in austere conditions away from their parents. They have to follow strict rules and participate in “therpies” in order to cure themselves of their magic. Like in real conversation therapy, the techniques to rid the magic are barbaric and ineffective.

This is my quick-and-dirty analysis from what I remember, I don’t have the book to reference (I can’t bring myself to listen to 25 hours of audiobook) and I am not great at this. So now let’s see what the Book Club has come up with shall we? I am highlighting the ccDarren analysis with both bold and italics. I am not going to add my own comments to their posts just becuase I don’t want it to get confusing. Notice how they pull out one word from the to associated with Darren’s story. It’s literature’s version of cropping a video into 1-2 seconds, slowing it down and making it a gif to watch over and over and over.

*****************************************************************************************************

Abby’s Book Club

December 26, 2019

Submission from a friend (I posted my brief thoughts at the end). Major spoilers below. Scroll past if you haven’t read and don’t want to know.

First off, just in the note to the readers, I knew this book was going to be full of some good stuff.

Obviously, all interpretations are my own, after my first read through.

“A tale of magic follows a group of young fairies as they fight for acceptance in an oppressive world where magic is outlawed and despised. This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”

Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can’t be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he’s living?

“If we want to change the world’s opinion it must be encouraged, not forced– and nothing encourages people like a good spectacle.”

Hmm… a spectacle? Sounds familiar. You can’t force anyone to believe anything, but it can be encouraged by opening your eyes to a good spectacle, like say a wedding, and realizing that it just doesn’t make sense if you open your eyes. Nuff said.

One of the books that Brystal comes across is by Daisy Peppernickel. I think that speaks for itself. It’s clearly known that Daisy is a certain someone’s nickname, especially used by the part of his fans that believe in Daisy.

“.. each author’s cause of death was EXECUTED FOR CONSPIRACY AGAINS THE KINGDOM. … It was a graveyard for truth and an archive of people the Justices had silenced.”

Deleted tweets, accounts vanishing into thin air. This sounds a lot like the conspiracies against (str8) fandom. It’s no secret that people have been silenced.

“All the books in the secret room were written by people who felt and thought exactly like she did, by people who questioned information, who criticized social restrictions, who challenged the systems set in place, and who weren’t afraid to make their ideas known.”

Questioning information? Challenging the system? Not afraid to make their ideas known? Can’t think of anybody that might do that.

“Personally, I think life is way to complicated for anyone’s life to be set in stone.”

Even though D seems to be in a death sentence, there’s way more to life and his fate is not set in stone. C believes in his man, and knows he can overcome this.

“Sometimes as a survival method, fairies suppress their magic so deep within themselves that it becomes extremely difficult to reach it.”

This reminds me of D’s dudebro persona that he brings out. He’s suppressing himself so far that at times he’ll turn himself into a different caricature of himself. We all know Daisy is in there somewhere under the layers of D-bag.

“It��s very hard watching someone you love in so much pain.”

C watching the person he loves get knocked down over and over, he’s speaking directly from his own experience here.

“Horence had the misfortune of falling in love with a witch. … Naturally, such a relationship was forbidden, so for over a decade, Horence and the witch carried on a secret affair. When Horence’s soldiers discovered the relationship, the men betrayed their commander. They burned Horence at the stake and forced the witch to watch it happen.”

Using LGBT to equal ‘magical’ (As I’ve found countless references I haven’t even put in here) D fell in love with someone magical (gay), and their relationship was forbidden and secret. Once their secret was out, the team made D pay for it and C had to watch it all go down with nothing that he could do. (Except throw all his angst into his books ;) )

“We must pity the people who close to hate, Brystal. Their lives will never be as meaningful as those of the people who choose to love.”

The pathetic souls that do nothing but hate on C C and spread hate will never have as meaningful of a life as those that chose to love and support our boys.

“We all know how terrible keeping a secret can feel. Secrets are like parasites, the longer you keep them inside you, the more damage they cause.”

The longer D is force to stay closeted, the more damage it does to him.

“If we had had everything we wanted then, we might never have found what we needed now.”

This to me feels like C is actually a little bit thankful for the bumps in the road. He’s trying to look on the bright side. If things had always been easy for them, they might have taken it for granted. Everything they’ve been through has only made them stronger. If they can get through all of this shit alive, they can make it through absolutely anything.

“She dreamed the fairy was repeatedly knocked to the ground by a ferocious monster in a fur coat and snowflake crown.”

The ferocious monster in a fur coat? Makes me think of another monster that wears a fur coat. Shade.

“You can stop pretending, Brystal. I know you’re aware of much more than you’re letting on.”

C knows that we know. He’s not living under a rock.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I refuse to sit back and let a frosty old witch take Madame Weatherberry away from us.”

Frosty old witch= Obviously M

“Do you guys know what your love languages are? Mine is quality time. It used to be physical touch, but that wasn’t working very well, so I had to change it. People are so picky about personal space and–”

C cherishes any quality time that he gets to have with D, since it it’s not always available.

“Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.”

I have this bookmarked, along with some other passages about the Snow Queen / Mrs. Weatherberry. I know that there’s /some/ significance around this, but I haven’t fully figured out exactly what all it symbolizes. I have a few ideas, but nothing really seems to line up completely to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it at some point!

I think those are the big things that I’ve bookmarked. There’s so much more I could talk about, but I’m afraid it would start to not make any sense if I just started rambling, so I decided to go off of passages from the book and my thoughts on why I think they’re significant or tie into C C.

You can feel free to just keep this for yourself, or post it at a later date, or take pieces parts to post. Whatever you want!

***********************************

ajw adds: I know I’ve been really bad about posting on the book. I saved this submission because I thought it was brilliant and a lot of great insights.

My opinion on the Madame W/Horence/Ice Queen? C is Madame W/Ice Queen and D is Horence. I too thought frosty old queen at first referred to m. But once the twist was revealed I’m convinced it’s c and his dual personality like the twins. He is a Gemini as he likes to remind us. It’s his struggle between being happy with the love he was blessed with and his desire to destroy for the people that have so gravely hurt them.

The quote above to think about most.

Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.

That’s him talking about their Pr life and I’d guess directly addressing the fraud in NOLA. He’s believed in d and he wants us to believe in him too.

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February 7, 2020 (X)

Anonymous asked:

Call me crazy but the 'out of the woods' thing got me thinking. Wasn't froggy hiding away in the woods while he didn't feel free to let himself be seen? Didn't he get fake married in the woods? D is forced to hide away in the woods because he can't be himself. Out of the woods could be a hint for just general freedom, not just done with the current projects. Plus HE will be around more once he is free to be himself, as opposed to his team tweeting most of the time as him.

Nonnie, excellent analogy, Froggy did in fact hide in the woods and was hiding when he first met the twins, though he did not fake marry. The wedding in the woods was very real- Jack and Goldie who also represent D&C.

But let’s even take if further. M, as part of her narcissistic need to mock fandom, staged that wedding at a venue where it looked like it was a “wedding in the woods.” Mocking C and D and fandom.

D, in his own words, is now almost “out of the woods.” He is very deliberate and he has used that phrase twice now in just a few weeks. It certainly makes me think….

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February 8, 2020 (X)

Anonymous asked:

So I’m 100% convinced they were together up through mid season 4. Didn’t C that was the time he was going through rough times in his personal life? And he took out in his book?

ajw720 answered: C released TLOS2 on August 6, 2013, right before the start of season 4 of G/lee. What was happening season 3? His relationship with RM completely broke down. And more, at some point during season 3, and you can see it play out on screen with the change in how K/laine was treated, a decision was made to severally closet D and to hide the CC relationship. And while she had not yet moved to LA, it was only a few months away so likely something talked about and decided. And this is likely leading into the time they decided D could be the next pop sensation to fulfill millions of teenage dreams ,So angsty indeed but I don’t think they broke up. Not long after W transitioned from PA to BF. W is solely a tool to hide CC. They may have been having troubles, but very much in a relationship that TPTB decided had to be hidden.

Remember in TLOS2, the evil character was blatantly named after PBB. There were a group of men locked in jars, frankly i think each represented parts of D that Swiller bottled up in a jar. And I think it was just C venting and getting it out. While CC was clearly present in TLOS1, it is TLOS2 where C started using his voice and he has not stopped through to his most recent book where he is still talking about D and their story.

souly And let’s not forget this chapter in TLOS2. IMO, one of the most interesting ones.

ajw720 Yesterday was a day as many of you know and I completely fucked this up. The book came out after season 4. So even more angsty that what I wrote. While C was writing this his world was kind of falling apart. Things were bad on set. They had separated him and d during filming using the onscreen break up as a device to break them up in real life. PBB was moved to LA and W was suddenly being used to appear like a possible bf. So much of that book was about what was happening especially the jars and the chapter @souly identified. This is when he publicly announced that m was an evil force in their lives.

And again he’s still using his books. D is all over ATOM. Still going strong.

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February 8, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about the Book Again, Shall We? I was inspired by the excerpt of sequel!

This post is about the character, who I don’t think is M, though in later books, who know (she seems to perhaps have a turn in A T/ale of W/itchraft?), but I think she less desirable traits are absolutely modeled after M. Some of my fav quotes under read more. C I love you, I laughed at loud at some of these lines.

Lucy Goosey or as she pronounces it, “Goo-say” which we would know if we had any “class.” Just reminds me so much of D pronouncing PBB’s last name which is not how it looks:)

C’s introduction of Lucy Goo-say:

“The girl wore a black bowler hat, an oversize black jumpsuit, big black boots, and a bottlecap necklace. She carried a small suitcase made from a taxidermy porcupine, and a canteen made from a beaver skull was draped over her shoulder.

On describing her perception of her talents:

“We are not just a family, we’re the Goose Troupe! You can’t have a band without its star tambourine player.”

And:

“and exceptional talent… don’t forget exception talent.”

And

“And I have thousands of adoring fans.”

Our Lucy hates performing in the Southern Kingdom, due to the restrictions, described as follows, which are admittedly horrible but makes me think of things that would be of concern to our fake Mrs.:

“They’ve got all these rules about what artists are allowed to do. We can’t sing profanity, we can’t play loudly, we can’d dance crudely, everyone has to be clothed- it takes all the fun out of it! I can’t even bang my tambourine on my hip without being fined!”

On describing Ms. Goo-say’s bedroom:

“As she stepped inside, Brystal had to remind herself she was stepping into a thirteen year old girl’s bedroom, because Lucy’s chamber looked like a tavern.” Huh, tavern, Swiller’s favorite type of place.

And my Favorite line perhaps in the entire book as it describes PBB, I mean L/ucy, so well and is a sign in her bedroom (this line wakes me want to kiss C it is so fabulous):

“PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY.”

And upon meeting a troll, Lucy describes herself as a “celebrity” and declares:

“I’m Lucy Goose, of the world renowned Goose Troupe. I’m sure you have been to one of my shows. Me and my family have performed for trolls and goblins all over the In-Between. We’re kind of a big deal around here.”

The Troll replies:

“oh yes, I remember you. You’re the fat girl who hit the obnoxious box of chimes until I had a splitting headache.”

Remind anyone of a member of an internationally renowned touring band?

#chris speaks through atom #atom spoilers

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Feb 8th, 2020 (X)

flowersintheattic254 @ajw720 thank you for the reminder. The decrisption of the bedroom has me in hysterics and of course her absolute belief she was talented. I remember reading your copy in a day and messaging you over Lucy, so many things reminded me of Swill/er, but the….

“PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY.”

…was perfection.

ajw720 @flowersintheattic254 I remember that day well. I found myself waiting for your messages so we could discuss more and more. Just did a second, very short post on lies to post shortly.

But I do think we need to adopt

PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY

as another classic fandom phrase, thanks to our amazing captain, when describing she who loves to swill:)

leka-1998 I couldn’t stop myself.

flowersintheattic254 @leka-1998 I 💕 you 🙂.

notes-from-nowhere This is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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February 9, 2020 (X)

flowersintheattic254 ATOM quote from the Snow Queen/Madame Weatherberry.

“My husband never committed a crime or hurt anyone in his life, but humankind murdered him simply to teach me a lesson”.

I think of this quote often.....

ajw720 I think about it often as well. I have no one single doubt that H/orence is D and MW/SQ is C. C is telling you d never did anything punishable. He simply fell in love with his male co-star. His human right. Love is love. Yet he’s been punished every damn day for it, and it’s only gotten worse.

What they have done to him, in my eyes, is akin to torture. No he hasn’t been murdered but they stolen his spirit and they’ve denied him the ability to speak his truth and to love freely. And they’ve jeopardized his well being. And c has had to watch this happen to the person he loves the most and to support him and love him and continue to give him the strength to get out of bed every day. Why @flowersintheattic254 and I almost simultaneously called c fiercely loyal.

Now add C’s recent quote:

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February 9, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about lies, shall we? As C views them in ATOM

Again under read more thought it is has been 5 months, so I hope you all have read this book by now.

Brystal is confronted with the fact that Madame Weatherberry had lied that individuals are born as either a witch or fairy when she discovers that in fact individuals with magic are able to CHOOSE whether to be a witch of a fairy and she founds herself conflicted as she realizes her teacher lied:

“Having magical abilities isn’t a choice, but no one in the magical community is born a fairy or a witch. We all get to be whatever we want, whenever we want. Personally, I have never identified as one or the other, that’s why I call myself a sorceress.”

After Brystal sees that one can in fact practice both magic and witchcraft, she is told she should ask the Tree of Truth for the answer as to why her teacher lied. But only, as the Sorceress warns, if she can “handle the truth, most people can’t.”

Wow, C is telling us exactly what we know, most people can’t handle the truth and therefore refuse to accept it. Sound familiar?

So Brystal seeks out the Tree of Truth and asks why Madame Weatherberry lied: The tree replies:

“The same reason everyone lies…to hide the truth.” The Tree goes on to say, what I think might truly be the most important line in the book:

“noble people lie for noble reasons.”

He is telling us, he is daring everyone of his readers that is a fan to read and assess and to ask: what lesson is he trying to teach us, his more adult audience? He is telling us that D, as well as he himself who lies to support D, lie for worthy reasons. We may never know those reasons, but they are good.Or at least necessary. We will never know the threats they endure daily, but I am confident they are lying because they feel is is the only path they could chose.

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October 9, 2020 and February 9, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about the Book shall We?

I am going to put this under read more to be kind to those that don’t want to read the post before the book. And reminder, if you reblog, please tag with “ATOM Spoilers” and “Chris speaks through ATOM” so make sure we are respectful of those who are not able to read it yet. I am starting with some smaller things to give people some time.

Also, please don’t rely on me to tell you everything about the book, I have talked to several and we all see things slightly differently about certain aspects but all agree, a powerful message is being sent by C. Please, please read it. And please send my your thoughts. I am going to spread the posts, try to do 1 a day if I can, so it might take a few days, but the more ideas, the more discussion. I am hardly the authority here, just one person with some thoughts.

Partial Ask: The tales of t/idbit t/witch in chapter three reminds me of D’s fight and that even though it may look bleak at times he will defeat the dragon and win. But that’s a pretty clear one. (Anon you know I am saving the rest of later as that is clearly the most relevant discussion but the biggest spoiler)

**********************************************************************

Anon I could not agree more, absolutely Tid/bit fighting something bigger and who is perceived to be stronger is no question a parallel for D and his fight with TPTB, regardless of who you currently think the oppressors are as so many people have harmed him through the years.

In Chapter One, B/rystal is caught reading the Tales of Ti/dbit T/witch. For those that have read the book, you know, women are banned from reading books, as they are made for “male eyes only” as woman’s “mind’s are too delicate to be educated” at this time in the narrative in the Southern Kingdom (prejudice and oppression). Her mother takes the book away from her right before the end and says “The world is dark, Br/ystal, you are a fool if you let anyone tell you otherwise.” Her mom the proceeds to take all of the books that B/rystal has hidden in her room.

B/rystal however finds a brilliant and creative way to not just finish T/idbit T/witch, but also to read many, many books, including those that are banned (another discussion we can have).

When the book had been taken from her, B/rystal only had 7 pages left to read and was unsure of T/idbit’s fate after his fall caused by running from the Dragon.

How many times do you think D has felt like he was being all consumed by people from all sides trying to force him into living this current nightmare? That he was helpless and that he could not possibly win? He has been oppressed by F/ox, RM (whether you think he might be helpful now or not), SS (K/en S/unshine to me is still one of the major evil forces), Jumping Jackass, PBB, PBB’s family, and to a lesser extend “friends” and acquaintances surrounding him that have willfully chosen to enable the situation to an extreme. That is the parallel of T/dibit running from the dragon and then fearing the boulders ahead of him. The danger is surrounding him and it seems inescapable.

And yet a miracle happens, T/dibut falls through the crack to safety and the dragon is killed in his pursuit. And the Kingdom of Mice is saved as “the world welcomed a new era of much-needed peace, and it was all thanks to a tiny mouse that braved a big monster.”

Wow, if that is not a huge statement about C’s faith in D. When C wrote this book, he knew what was happening, he knew D was encaged and I would guess he was well aware at this point the sham mockery would occur. Yet he still believes D is going to win (talk about having faith in someone) and to me, the part about bringing peace to the kingdom is stating that C still believes that he and D can absolutely make a difference in this world when they are finally able to stop running and find peace. D and C’s power may seem minimal, but there will be a time that will effectuate change in this world.

#Crisscolfer #crisscolfer lol #cc #darren criss #Chris colfer #Chris speaks though ATOM #Book club analysis

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malafight · 5 years ago

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hi im so sorry but i wanted to ask for help if u feel up to it. basically ive done next to no schoolwork (bare bare min) since we went on quarantine 4-5 weeks ago and i just missed two deadlines for big things and i still haven't done those assignments and i keep missing the online classes and i can't seem to make myself work and i feel terrified and awful and also like i have to hide it from my friends and therapist despite my anxiety and depression. what do i do? (again im so sorry. ty & ily)

hey, sorry it’s taken a bit to respond to this; i spent today recovering from a massive panic attack myself and probably wouldn’t have been able to provide good enough advice at the time. but i’m here now!

first of all, you’re not alone. you’re far from the only one terrified right now. and it’s okay to be terrified. you don’t have to apologize for your feelings or for asking for help -- i’m always willing to provide whatever advice i can, and hunt down things that might help when my experience hasn’t given me a good enough answer. we’re all doing our best out here right now, even if your brain is telling you you aren’t doing enough. you’re trying to survive, right now, and that is enough. it’s all most of us can do at this point. don’t let yourself feel bad for being afraid; we all are. don’t beat yourself up for not doing more, for yourself or for other people; you can’t pour from an empty cup. you don’t have to do anything but survive, right now. i give you permission to just focus on keeping yourself together as best you can, okay? it’s a tough time, but you’re not alone.

now for the actual school-related stuff. i know most people would tell you to be professional when communicating with professors, but now is not the time for your instructors to see you as an automaton. i’ve found that being genuine, honest, and polite helps humanize you to a professor who may only know you by your name in their system. i’ll preface this with the fact that it doesn’t always work, because sometimes teachers lack basic empathy, but it’s much easier on you, even, to be honest from the get-go.

now is not the time to put on a brave face. the world is hideously, pants-shittingly terrifying right now, and if people don’t know you need help, they can’t help you. some folks have the spoons or money to spare; folks like me have words and the Mom Friend Override. for some, being able to help others makes it easier for them to cope themselves. if you can’t bring yourself to reach out and look for support for yourself, remember that humans are a social species -- we need each other. so reach out and let your friends know that you’re scared. they’re scared, too. feeling afraid sucks, but feeling afraid and alone is even worse. you know the saying “misery loves company,” right? don’t look at it as a negative right now. think of it as instructions to seek out companionship and understanding in times of trouble. misery loves company. go find some company.

(also, tell your therapist -- what’s the use of having one if you don’t open up to them? you can’t treat an illness if your patient isn’t keeping you updated on the symptoms. if you had an injured leg, and suddenly it started inexplicably hurting even worse than before, you’d tell your doctor, right? same goes for mental health. please talk to your therapist. i’m not certified or even trained in this sort of thing, just someone who’s been fighting for decades with a brain that doesn’t work right in a world trying to kick my ass at every turn. there are things a therapist can help you with that i don’t have the resources for. use what you have at your fingertips! trust me, your therapist is hearing all about covid right now, and they won’t judge you for being scared.)

i also want to say that it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help like this, and i’m proud of you. i can tell that you’re doing your best. and i know how much it sucks to feel like your best isn’t enough. everything is awful and stressful, but we need to reach out to each other, if only to huddle under a blanket together to avoid the storm roaring outside.

i’ll provide here what i hope will be a useful template for asking your instructors for help with this situation. i know emailing them is even more terrifying, but you can’t get help from someone who doesn’t know you need it.

also, i suggest you edit the template a bit to fit your situation. in situations like these it is so, so important to humanize yourself to them.

(email template below)

[Instructor Name],

This is [name] from your [course] course. I know we haven’t been in contact much over the semester, but I need to ask for your help.

I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that my performance in class has started to slip, and I want to let you know that it is not because of your failure as an instructor, and it’s not meant in any disrespect. I’ve been enjoying your course so far, but with the current Coronavirus situation, it’s getting harder and harder for me to even function on a normal, human level. [provide some detail here about your mental state, ie: I’m freaking out, I’m stressed and terrified, and I feel like I’m falling apart, and that things are awful and hopeless. use your own words, preferably, but be honest.]

I hate bringing this sort of thing up, but [I’m mentally ill, I have depression and anxiety, I have a disability, basically explain your particular situation] and it’s making an already-terrifying worldwide disaster even harder to process and cope with. [give some example of how it’s harder for you to function -- your partner has to remind you to eat, it took a spatula to even get you out of bed, you keep losing track of the time to panic and find entire days gone with no memory of doing anything but freaking out, etc]

I promise I’m doing my best in your course, and I want to be able to complete it successfully, but I’m afraid I might fail under these present conditions. Is there any sort of help you can provide for me, like an extension on assignment due dates? I’m not trying to get out of doing my work, but under this much stress and fear, it’s getting harder and harder to focus on completing my assignments. Any sort of assistance you can provide would be helpful.

[you can also ask here if there are any resources the school can provide you in this situation. even if you look up resources on your own, your instructor may know about some things you haven’t found yet]

I know you’re probably scared, too, and I want to thank you for any help you’re able to give me.

Stay healthy,

[your name]

please keep holding on. we’re in for a long ride, and we can’t do it alone. humanity’s strength is its humanity. empathy, sympathy, compassion -- we need each other. don’t be afraid to reach out, because i guarantee you, there will be someone out there reaching right back to you

thank u for attending my anime power of friendship speech. please stay safe and healthy out there. we can get through this together.

#long post #coronavirus #covid-19 #covid #mental health #mental illness #template #depression #anxiety #i hope this can help someone out #my adhd ass may have babbled on way too long though and i'm sorry #Anonymous

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sissytobitch10seconds · 5 years ago

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hello I saw your ao3 story and was wondering if you were taking requests. If so can we please have an angsty abo one where remus dates severus but is only using him to make sirius jealous, sirius finds out and sends him to wolf remus. Severus is rescued, but is upset with boyfriend and hurt. Sirius and Remus get together and Severus is upset because Remus and him haven't broken up yet and also Severus is pregnant.

Sorry, it took me so long to get this out! I had a little bit of writer’s block and then it turned out to be way longer than I originally thought it would be. Hope you like it! Also, this is up on Archive!

Anger rolled in my gut as he tried to focus down on the book in my hands. I had been on the same page for more than five minutes, which was longer than it would take me to read and process at least a chapter of this particular novel. It didn’t bother me too much since I knew that the book was just there so that I could try and block out the obnoxious giggling coming from the other side of the common room. The Gryffindor common room was normally filled with people talking and laughing, but this particular giggle was driving me up the wall.

Sirius had some omega perched on his lap. Her skirt was pulled up high around her waist and folded over enough times that it barely covered her thighs, nothing even remotely in the dress-code of the school. She had her arm around his shoulders and was leaning back against the window while putting her legs out as she pretended to fall back. He had his nose in her scent gland, which wasn’t covered by the required scent blocker so that things like this wouldn’t happen.

Just the thought of it in more depth than before made me grit my teeth while trying not to shout at them. This wasn’t the first omega or beta that Sirius had brought back to the dormitory this week, and she wouldn’t be the last no matter what she thought. I hated seeing the man that I desired moving from bitch to bitch just to get some quick fix.

If I didn’t have the self-control I would give in to every stereotype that was branded onto werewolves and make sure that they weren’t able to put their arms around anyone like that ever again.

Finally, I decided that I had had enough of watching Sirius flirt with some bimbo. I slammed my book shut and stood up. I made sure that he saw the sharp glare that I shot his way before I stalked out of the dormitory altogether

The hallways were relatively empty since it was a fair way into the afternoon already. A lot of the students that would normally be crowding around as they drifted from place to place had settled down before dinner time came around.

I turned down endless halls and walked quickly past dozens and dozens of rooms before I finally got to my desired location. I pressed my hand against the door and opened it so that I could escape out of the castle and more importantly, get further away from Sirius and his most recent affair.

The frigid air made the red hot anger inside of me subside just a bit, though it still boiled in the pit of my stomach. I walked through the courtyard and then under one of the arches so that I could get to the wider grounds. I headed toward my favorite tree to sit and read under, thinking that I may be able to get some alone time to mull over my emotions.

When I arrived, I found that I would not be alone underneath the willow tree on this current evening. Two students sat underneath the swaying branches of the old growth tree, chattering to each other in light voices that implied that the conversation wasn’t too serious. I walked closer to them and was able to spot Lily’s bright red hair among the startling white of the hoar frost clinging to the trees and mountains of snow piled on the ground. The other omega was a mystery to me until I drew a bit closer and was able to hear his voice.

“Remus!” Lily beamed, bright, and beautiful as always. Despite not being drawn to omegas like alphas were, I was able to appreciate how stunning she was.

“I was hoping that I would get a quieter place to read, but it appears that I’m out of luck,” he chuckled as my eyes strayed over to Severus.

The dark-haired omega was staring down at his hands, which were picking at the loose strands of string that had come up from the blanket they were seated on. For as much as the other three members of my group teased him for his appearance, he wasn’t actually too bad looking. His hair hid his alabaster face, hanging in sheets over his high cheekbones and gaunt eyes. The dark orbs seemed to hide a knowledge that none of them could even dream of beholding.

“We can-” Severus began but his friend quickly cut him off.

“Why don’t you join us? James is always telling me about how you don’t have many friends outside of the Marauders, perhaps you can start with us,” she chirped brightly.

“I do have friends outside of the Marauders, James just doesn’t consider people from other houses to be ‘proper friends,’ whatever that means,” I snorted. I took her offer and sat down closer to the Gryffindor omega than the Slytherin. I folded my legs underneath me and fiddled with the edges of the book in my hands. The anger that had been whirling through me earlier had turned to a dangerous resentment.

“He’s not the brightest,” Severus quipped before he realized what he had said and in the presence of whom and turned a bright shade of red. Luckily for him, I had had a run-in with James the other day and wasn’t too pleased with that alpha either. I let out a small chuckle, a smile crossing my features for a moment.

“Come on, Sev,” Lily whined, pouting at her friend. “You’re so mean to him. At least we’ve been dating longer than you and that weirdo did,” she snorted.

“You’ve dated someone?” I asked, trying as hard as possible to make sure that my voice is level so it doesn’t sound too surprised.

“Don’t act like I’m so repulsive no one would ever look at me,” he grumbled. He wrapped a string around his fingers and pulled it from the rest of the fibers with nimble and graceful fingers

“I didn’t mean to. You just don’t seem to be the type of person who would… date,” I said slowly.

“Well, I am. Not that it lasted long,” his dark eyes darted away from his two companions, staring out at the rolling hills that led down to the tossing grey water of the lake.

“He was an ass, Sev,” Lily said softly as she reached one of her hands out to the omega.

I took in the situation with an uncharacteristically cold calculation. Of course, I had been known to be the smarter one in my direct friend group, but I still had more compassion than the common werewolf. Now, however, wheels whirled in my head and cogs turned quickly as I devised a truly wicked and cruel plan. The normal compassion that I held for all people and animals fled out of my mind as thoughts of revenge and jealousy took their place.

“Who was it that you were dating?” I asked the omega, hoping to get the answer that I wanted so that my plan would advance further.

“Oh, just some Slytherin upperclassman. You wouldn’t know who it is if I said a name,” he said quickly. His pale cheeks flushed once more and he avoided looking up at me or Lily.

“I know more people than James does, I think I would know who it was,” I laughed. To my delight, the heavy amounts of charm that I was laying on seemed to be working and he smiled and laughed.

The three of us sat and chatted for a bit longer, moving from dating when Lily got a little too excited and flustered about James. We discussed what the teachers had been assigning and the best way to go about finishing the assignments. When the conversation petered out for a moment, Lily decided that she had to go see her boyfriend and left me alone with Severus.

“I guess I should be going as well,” the omega mumbled as he wrapped his robes a bit closer around him and began to get up.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, you don’t want to talk to me, you wanted to talk to Lily,” he said simply.

“I never said that,” I replied quickly. Annoyance sparked in the back of my mind and solidified my ideas that I had to get back at Sirius.

“I-I guess I just assumed…” he trailed off as he sunk down into himself like expecting to get hurt in some way.

“I would like to get to know you, Severus,” I said as I offered him a small smile. “If Lily and James are really going to do whatever they’re doing, then I think that you and I will be seeing a lot more of each other.”

“I suppose so,” he replied with a shrug.

“Plus, when you and I were talking with Lily here you seemed like a good conversationalist,” I smiled a little wider. I continued to talk with him like I had when Lily was there, and after a bit of time he finally relaxed and opened back up to me. We spent the rest of the afternoon together, just chatting about school and how things differed in our lives.

When we reached the end of the time we could spend outside, I finally decided that it was time to enact the next part of my plan. It could have been too soon and it was possible that he would turn me down, but from what I could pick up from the short conversation about his ex, he was desperate for love and still vulnerable from the breakup. Everyone had a rebound, so he wouldn’t expect the relationship I would start up with him to go anywhere, would he? I turned to him and asked, “Severus, would you like to go out with me the next Hogsmead weekend we get?”

“I-what?” he stuttered as he picked up the blanket and shook the snow off of it.

“As a date. I realized that I liked you more than I originally thought, so I would like to spend some more time with you. Romantically,” I said, giving him a polite smile.

“I, yeah, okay,” he replied, his cheeks a near-violent shade of red as he nodded. The black sheets of his hair hung down against his face once more before he darted away and back toward the castle.

I smirked to myself as I followed slowly after him. My plan was already underway and soon would be enough into action that I could move it to phase two.

---

“You’re a dog,” James snorted as we walked through the halls to get back to the dormitory. Classes had just ended, which separated us from the other two members of our immediate friend group since they had been assigned a different teacher during the last period of the day.

“I mean, yeah,” I snorted slightly and knocked my shoulder against his.

“Not like that, you git,” he snorted, batting a hand at my shoulder. I laughed back. “I meant that you’ve probably banged every age-acceptable omega and beta in this place other than Lily and Remus.”

“Ah yes,” I sighed. I had been joyous and laughing moments before but the comment made my heart sink down into my stomach.

“What? Did you want to bang Lily?” James asked, his voice had a bit of a feral bite to it.

“No, I didn’t want your courting partner,” I sighed with a slight roll of my eyes. James was just the kind of protective alpha that I seemed to be the opposite of. He defended Lily at all costs and would growl at anyone that made any kind of glancing look or snide remark about her. I tended to go the other way when it came to my partners. While Lily was the first omega or beta that James had ever courted, I had slept with more than I could count. I also didn’t really care what my past partners did once our time together was over. They were just a way to get rid of the thundering instincts pounding in the back of my mind.

“Then what do you want?” he asked curiously.

“Something that I can never have,” I frowned heavily.

“Why are you being so vague? We’ve been friends for as long as we’ve been going to Hogwarts. Just tell me what’s on your mind,” James replied simply as if anything could ever be that easy.

“I can’t tell you because I know you would try and intervene,” I replied. “And I know that the person that I really want would never love me back.”

“That can’t be true. Everyone in this school loves you and lots of people from elsewhere do too,” he grinned wickedly.

“Everyone except my parents,” I snorted, trying to make light of the situation with a joke that we had made a multitude of times beforehand. It worked and the other alpha laughed, snickering when he got a couple glares for the loud chuckles he had let out in the beginning.

He rounded the corner to get closer to the dorms, an area that had basically no one since most of the other Gryffindors had planned a meet up in the library to study things. The entire house had done so or decided that they would use the time to sneak away with their partners and do things that would make the teachers faint.

I stopped dead in my tracks, as did James as we looked down the hall. Remus had someone else pinned up against the wall, his hands roaming up and down omegan thighs and groping an ass. Their hands were threaded into his brown locks and holding his shoulders as small moans were released from the partner that my best mate was snogging.

“Is that Snivilus?” James finally blurted after we had been standing there for at least a couple of minutes.

“Fuck,” Remus swore from down the hall. He dropped the omega that he had been kissing and whirled around to see both of his alpha friends. “I thought you two would be… out.”

“Well, we’re not,” I replied through clenched teeth. Anger, jealousy, and concoction of other emotions I couldn’t place stirred together inside of me. I had the urge to go up and tear the omega’s throat out for daring to touch someone that was so clearly mine. I walked past them quickly, growling the password at the Fat Lady before I slammed the painting behind me in my hurry to get into the common room.

I threw my book bag down onto the table like it had been the one to offend me instead of the greasy Slytherin that my beta was apparently dating. I growled, running a hand through my wild brown locks before I began to pace around the red-colored room.

“I think that that was a bit of an overreaction,” James said as he walked into the common room and stood back to watch me.

“An overreaction?” I snapped as I turned to him. “He had his tongue down that whore’s throat and he didn’t even tell us that he was courting anyone.”

“Would you just shut up and listen for a minute?” James asked as he rolled his eyes in annoyance at me.

“Fine,” he growled darkly. I crossed my arms over my chest as stalked over to a seat, sitting down so that I could look at the alpha as he explained himself and the situation.

“If you hadn’t stormed in here in a fit of alpha rage that would rival my own, then you would have been around for Remus to explain what’s going on,” the other alpha said as he sat down in another chair so that they were at equal levels. “He and Sni-Severus have been dating for a while. Apparently, they got together some time in November. Remus didn’t want to tell us that he was courting or dating anyone because he thought that we would react badly when we found that it was Severus.”

“He’s been dating him for three months? If he had told us I would have been able to explain how stupid it is to be dating that Slytherin grease ball when there are perfectly good alphas that have been waiting for him for years,” I rambled.

“Wait…” James said, narrowing his dark eyes at me behind his thick spectacles. I could almost hear the turning on the cogs in his head as he riddled out my situation. “Are you jealous that Remus started dating before you grew the balls to ask him out?”

“No,” I replied stubbornly. The other alpha tilted his head so that he was looking at me over the top of the round rims. “Fine, I am.”

“Then you should wait until you’ve calmed down, and go talk to him,” he replied with a shrug.

“Lily is a bad influence on you. I miss the days when you would suggest pranking him instead,” I grumbled, though at this point I was just trying to prove a point.

“We can always prank him later. And there is the shovel talk,” James replied with a bright grin.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I replied with a definitive nod.

“Woah,” Peter groaned as he walked into the common room. He placed a hand over his nose to try and drown out the angry alpha scent that had leaked through my scent blocker when I had been pacing around. “What happened here? I thought that sex was banned in the common room.”

“Is this what you think sex smells like?” James asked as he turned to face the other member of our friend group.

“Yes?” he replied, though there was more question than statement to his tone.

“Wouldn’t there also have to be an omega or beta involved?” I snorted as I rubbed a hand over my face.

“I-I guess,” the dirty-blond beta sighed as he walked over to them and placed his bag on the floor. He tucked his feet underneath him as he sat down and pulled a bag of sweets from his pocket.

“Anyways,” I sighed, turning back to the other alpha. “We need to go give him the shovel talk right now. Especially if he and Remus have been dating for longer than we thought.”

“Remus is dating someone?” Peter asked, flabbergasted at the new revelation.

“This is a new thing. Apparently, he didn’t want us to know so that we wouldn’t bully his boyfriend,” James laughed.

“Oops. Now we all know,” I replied, though there was more snark and bite to my voice than there really should have been for the situation.

“Whatever. We should talk to Remus and get more of the story at dinner and then we can discuss the shovel talk,” James said. He reached down for his bag and pulled out a couple rolls of parchment and his textbook. He began to work on the homework that we had been assigned that day. Lily really had been rubbing off on him too much.

Dinner came quickly and the three of us hurriedly finished up the work that we had either been doing or were pretending to do. I hurried down to the dining hall, but because I was hungry and because I was eager to interrogate Remus and move along so that I could threaten Snivellus as well.

“Dude,” James complained as he finally caught up with me and sat down across the table. Peter sat next to me and moments later Remus walked over after saying goodbye to the Slytherin omega he had been sucking faces with earlier.

“You’re all here early,” he commented as he began to serve himself some of the food that was closest to our group.

“Well, we have something important to talk to you about,” I replied, trying to keep my voice light and non-accusatory. I didn’t do a very good job of it judging by the expression on his face.

He looked up from the basket of bread in his hands and narrowed his dark eyes at me dangerously. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh boy,” James sighed, picking at some of the vegetables on his plate. He leaned on his hand where it was perched with his elbow planted next to his plate on the table.

“You were dating someone for three months without telling us? We’re supposed to be friends, Remus,” I bit out, leaving out the possessive jealousy I was feeling.

“I don’t think that it’s that big of a deal,” Peter mumbled.

“Peter’s right. It’s not that big of a deal. I technically don’t have to tell you who I’m spending my time with or what kind of relationship we have friends or not. I don’t comment on all the time you spend with those omegas and betas you bring to the common room,” he replied as he stabbed his fork viciously into some of the food on his plate.

I swallowed a bit too quickly in my hurry to snap back at him and hurt my throat. This just turned to make my voice all the lower and gravely. “It’s not like I’m hiding them. Everyone knows that we’re together for however long we’re together for. I’m pretty sure no one knew about you and that grease ball of an omega.”

“Don’t start calling my boyfriend names just because you don’t like the fact that I’m dating him. If you spent more than five minutes using the stupid brain of your you might realize that bigger things are happening in the world than me finally dating someone,” Remus growled back.

“Do not start with that, Lupin,” I shot back quickly. “I know that we have the war to worry about and all of the people here that are already Death Eaters, but that should be all the more reason for us to tell each other the truth!”

“I didn’t want to tell you because you would act like this,” he gestured at me with both of his hands.

“Then how do you want me to act?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he rolled his amber eyes. “Maybe ‘Good jobs Remus. Despite being an undesirable beta you managed to get someone to date you.’ Would that be too hard?”

“Fine, good job. You started dating our enemy,” I snarked back. I knew that the words hurt him and I immediately regretted saying them as they fell from my lips.

“He hasn’t been the enemy since James and Lily started dating six months ago,” Remus sighed.

I didn’t say anything I knew that the moment I opened my mouth again I would just be spitting more fire at him. I rose from the table and stalked out of the great hall, leaving the other three members of the Marauders alone. I quickly made my way out of the castle and had gone all the way down to the lake before I finally let myself breathe.

I raised my arms over my head, threading my fingers together as I pressed my palms to the back of my skull. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, just letting the crisp March air into my lungs in a desperate attempt to try and calm down. I growled low as I saw the image of Remus with Sni-Severus in his arms like the omega belonged there. Remus belonged in my arms like that.

“Excuse me?” asked a voice from behind me.

I whirled around, already reaching for my wand as I thought that it was someone that meant harm to me.

“Woah,” Severus said, placing his arms in front of him with his palms towards me. “I just came out here to try and make the situation a little bit better.”

“How?” I asked, dropping my hand back down to my side and leaving my wand in the pocket of my robes.

“I don’t know,” he nervously shrugged. “Maybe apologize for all of the things that I’ve said about you?”

“Well, that would be a start. You did steal my best friend from me and convince him to hide a relationship from our entire friend group,” I sassed back. The omega flinched heavily and rubbed his arm nervously. I felt a bit bad for making him self-conscious, but I was boiling mad and there was no controlling my mouth now.

“I know…” Severus whispered. “He was the one that asked me out. And if it makes you feel any better he talks about you all the time,” he offered.”

“I guess so,” I grumbled. We both stood there in awkward silence for a few more moments before I felt the beginnings of a plan click their way into my mind. “So, how much do you think you know about Remus?”

“I- a lot, I guess,” he replied, brows furrowed together in confusion. “He’s told me about his mom and that his dad treats him pretty badly.”

“I see,” he nodded. “Well, he told me that he’s going to be at the Shrieking Shack tomorrow night around midnight and I think that if you really want to get to know him you should go there and meet him,” he smirked.

“That’s a really weird way of putting it,” Severus mumbled. “But thank you for accepting his and my relationship.”

I made an affirmative noise and pushed past him to go back to the dormitory in the Gryffindor tower. I gave him and Remus the same treatment for the next day, barely acknowledging them in the slightest and being hostile when I had to. I smiled as I leaned out of the tower window and watched the small figure of a student wrapped in a cloak quickly fleeing across the field and toward the Shrieking Shack.

“I still hate the days where Remus has to leave,” Peter pouted. We had taken to leaving after everyone had gone to bed, and if the full moon happened on a weekend it tended to take forever.

“Who’s that heading out already? We’re all here,” James said as he peaked over my shoulder.

“Oh, that’s Snivilus,” I replied with a wicked grin.

“What the Hell did you do?” he asked, growling darkly as the smell of angry alpha leaked out from the scent blocker on his neck.

“I just thought that if he was going to be dating one of our friends then he needed to know who he really was,” I replied with a shrug.

“He’s going to get himself killed you fucking idiot!” James swore as he rushed away from me and up the stairs to our dorm room. Peter was staring at me in horror and slowly the realization of what I had done began to sink in. Guilt ate at my stomach, making me regret how much I’d inhaled at dinner. Soon my best friend returned back with the invisibility cloak. He ushered both out of the common room and then flung it over us. Peter quickly focused and turned into a rat so that the cloak would cover us all fully.

“You’re so stupid,” James hissed. “I liked it better when you just had sex with some random omega or beta and didn’t care what they did in their spare time. This is so dangerous,” he lectured as he made our way through the halls until we had gotten outside. Peter pulled on my curly locks with his tiny claws, just adding to the pain that was already flowing through my body due to that part of me.

When we reached the Shrieking Shack, we used the invisibility cloak right up until the door. James then threw it off and shifted into his stag form, prompting me to turn into the giant black dog. We rushed through the house to find where Severus had gone. Peter was still clinging to my fur tightly as we rushed to Remus’s favorite room.

Severus was on the ground, scrambling to get back to a corner as Remus, in his wolf form, slowly stalked closer and closer. “Please, I don’t-” the omega panicked, holding his arm close to himself as his wrist was bent at an odd angle.

I barked and made sure that the noise was loud enough that I could draw the attention of my out-of-control friend. It worked, quickly bringing the wolf to look at me. James rushed into the room and bowed his head at Severus before ushering him toward the door with his horns. I growled at Remus, barking once more as I walked closer and closer to him to get him to back up into the corner and away from the door.

When I was sure that James had gotten Severus out of the house I let Remus out of his confinement and laid down next to the wall with my head on my paws. I closed my eyes and ignored everything for the rest of the night.

I only got up from my spot when I felt the sunlight drop down onto my snout, awakening me from the fitful slumber that I had fallen into. I shifted back into my human form as Remus would no longer be in his wolf form if the sun was out. I glanced around and saw the other teen huddled in the corner with a pair of damaged pants on with nothing else. I stood up and removed my cloak, placing it on the beta before I touched his shoulder.

“Go away,” he growled darkly.

“What?” I asked, momentarily forgetting that he could see flashes of what happened in his wolf form.

“You made him come here, I know you did,” he hissed as he jutted a finger at my chest. “He was terrified!”

“He needed to see all of you if he was going to date you,” I replied, catching the finger and holding it in my clenched fist.

“I was going to tell him in my own time!” Remus shouted.

“You’ve never told anyone about it before. We had to find out the same way,” I retorted quickly.

“Why do you even care what he thinks of me?” he snarled.

“Because I’m in love with you!” I roared, anger and frustration soaring through me in a quick flash.

Remus shut down and removed his finger from my hands. He turned the full way and stared at me with confusion written all over his features. He blinked twice at me. “What?”

“I love you. The only reason that I slept with so many of the people around the school was so that I could fill the hole that you were leaving. You never showed any desire to date anyone so I assumed that you’d be one of the people to go work with dragons…” I rambled.

“I-I loved you too,” he stuttered, looking up at me with those caramel eyes. “I mean, I still do.”

“Then why go and date someone else when I’m right here?” I asked quietly.

“Because you were never right here. You were always with someone else and I knew that I wanted something from you that you hadn’t given anyone else. If something is going to happen between us then I need all of you to be here for me. I don’t want some fuck and abandon. I want you,” he rambled nervously.

“Then have me. I’m willing to dedicate that much of myself to you,” I promised as I reached out for his hand. He complied and placed his hand into mine. I gripped it tightly and brought him close to me, pressing our lips together in a wonderful kiss.

---

I peaked my eyes open as the nightmare stuck heavily to my eyelids. The sunlight was pouring through the uncovered glass in the windows, casting sunbeams down to the floor in a magnificent spectacle. I sat up on the bed and turned over so that I was leaning against the pillows behind me. I wasn’t used to waking up to the sun since the Slytherin common room and dorms didn’t get light and my room at home had windowless, drab walls. The hospital wing was covered in them however, most likely for the commonly held belief that sunlight could be beneficial for those suffering from illness and injury.

My wrist throbbed as a reminder of my own wounds. I had spent the night regrowing the bone chips that had shattered and been removed when I landed on it wrong. I winced and let out a truly omegan whine, something that I hated that I had no control over.

“You’re awake, well done,” Madame Pomfrey said in her normal sarcastic-saturated voice as she walked over to my bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” I replied, blinking slowly at the beta as she placed her hand on my cheek and my forehead. “And nauseous.”

“You shouldn’t be feeling nauseous from the Skelligrow, the tiredness is normal,” she tutted.

“I’ve been feeling nauseous for a week,” I mumbled.

“Suspicious. Have you had any other symptoms? Or vomiting?” she asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“I puked once a couple days ago but I figured that I had just gotten some potion in my system from my homework,” I said simply. The fixating stare she locked onto me made my skin crawl like a million spiders had taken up residence on my muscles.

“Anything else?”

“I suppose that I’ve been clingier to my partner?” I offered. The thought of Remus sent a shudder through my body as I remembered the terrifying creature that I had watched him turn into and then the way he had attacked me as if he didn’t know who I was.

“Now these questions may feel a little intrusive, but I do need to ask them,” she sighed. She got up from the bed and drew the curtains around the bed before casting a couple charms to make sure that no one would be able to hear the conversation.

I was suddenly more awake than I had been moments before as panic rushed from my stomach all throughout my body. I could feel the blood drain from my face and into my rapidly beating heart.

The healer took her place on the side of my bed and placed her cold hand on my leg through the thin hospital blanket that I had been given. “Are there any other peculiarities that you’ve noticed since the nausea began?” she asked.

“I guess so,” I replied with a shrug.

“I need you to tell me what they are,” she pried.

“I’ve been eating more than normal even though I’ve felt sick,” I shrugged. I wrapped my arms self-consciously around my middle as something deep inside of me told me to.

“Have you and this partner been sexually active?”

“I-uh, what?” I asked blood flooding to my face as quickly as it could to give me a dark blush.

“I assume that your partner is an alpha or a beta, and I need to know if you’ve been sexually active,” she continued.

“We’ve only slept together once. I know that it’s against the rules but we just got so caught up with each other that we didn’t really know what was happening and then we had already done it. Please don’t get him and me in trouble,” I pleaded desperately.

“Did you do it with protection?” she asked instead.

“I-no. We forgot to do any of the spells before or after because we nearly got caught,” I replied, letting shame replace the embarrassment from earlier as I bowed my head at her.

“You’re aware that you could be pregnant, correct?” she asked as she stood up and tugged the curtains closer together.

“I never thought about that. My mother and father had a hard time conceiving so I assumed that I wouldn’t be able to,” I replied. My heart began to hammer even harder in my chest, banging against my ribcage like it was trying to burst forth.

“I legally have to perform a test on you,” Madame Pomfrey winced as she grabbed her wand out of the overly full pockets on her apron.

“O-okay,” I replied shakily with a small nod.

She pressed me back against the pillows with one of her calloused hands. “Pull up your shirt for me, please,” she requested as she adjusted the hold of her wand in her hand. I did as I was told and pulled the fabric of my shirt over my stomach, revealing the pale skin there. She placed her wand over my stomach, holding it so that it was about an inch over the skin and the tip reached my hip while the hilt rested over the other. She murmured a couple of words under her breath, still speaking clearly while moving the wand down and then back up.

Slowly, a yellow glow emanated from my abdomen and up to the wand like a reverse spotlight.

“What does that mean?” I asked, my hands going down next to my sides to grasp at the sheets underneath me. Fear ebbed its way through my veins, filling up my entire person and consuming me.

“This means that you’re pregnant, Snape,” she whispered.

“I-I,” I stuttered out as tears welled up in my eyes. They sat on my lashes for a mere moment before they tipped over and rushed down my pale cheeks and then onto my neck. I quickly pushed my shirt down and sat up, ignoring the pain in my only slightly-healed wrist as I brought my hands up to my eyes to try and wipe away the tears. I felt a hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles as I sobbed while thoughts rushed through my head.

The last time that I had seen my boyfriend, and apparently the father of my unborn baby, he had tried to kill me. The cool determination in the wolf’s eyes made ice crawl through my veins. How could I tell Remus that I was carrying his pup when he had tried to kill me just the night before? I was aware that he had been hiding something from me but I had never expected it to be something like that or for me to find out through someone other than him. This was far too overwhelming for me to deal with at once.

“When was the time that you and this partner slept together?” the nurse asked as she raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, sometime around December or January,” I replied, rubbing my arm nervously.

“Then you should be around two or three months pregnant. You won’t start showing beyond the ability to hide it until your sixth month. Seeing as school ends in May, you should be able to hide the bump for the duration of the pregnancy until you graduate,” she rambled. I nodded as my way of conveying that I was listening to her.

“You will have the option to tell your parents until I inform the headmaster,” Madame Pomfrey said in her soothing tone as I finally stopped crying and calmed down. “I have to tell him in a week, so I suggest that you tell your parents and the father of the pup before then. Come and speak to me when you’ve decided what you want to do with him,” she gestured to my stomach before she got up and left.

I sat there in silence, trying to process everything that had happened that morning and the night before. I didn’t know how long I had been still when I finally came out of my stupor long enough to know that I should get going. I stood up from the bed and grabbed my robe from the chair next to the bed I had been set up in. I quickly covered myself and wrapped my arms around my stomach for a moment before I dropped my hands and then hurried out of the hospital wing and down to the Slytherin common room.

I darted into my dorm, which was thankfully empty, and changed out of my day-old clothes and into a pair of pajamas before ducking into the spare shower attached to the dorm room. When I was clean and dressed I picked up my school bag and left to go to my next class. I knew that the teachers probably wouldn’t be expecting me to come to any of my classes today since they were notified of my injury last night, but I was hoping that getting back on my routine would help me temporarily forget about the problem growing in my stomach.

The day flew by, with almost no one talking to me. Lily and James normally at least said hello but apparently, I seemed to be putting off some sort of scent that repelled everyone from me. I skipped lunch as it would be too much to go into the Great Hall and see Remus with his friends when I knew that I was pregnant with his child.

Someone finally talked to me for the first time since Madame Pomfrey that morning when I was outside, trying to complete the homework that had been assigned that day. I broke the wrist on the arm that I normally write with so the entire process was taking an annoyingly long time.

“Hey, Sev,” Lily’s calm voice cooed as she walked over to our normal hangout spot. “How are you doing?”

“My wrist hurts,” I replied with a small shrug. I wanted more than anything to tell her since I knew that she would make the situation either a thousand times better or worse.

“James told me what happened,” she said as she gracefully sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder.

“Everything? Even the part about Remus?” I asked, glancing over at her with one eye as I let my hair fall down in front of my face.

“Yeah,” she nodded. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and brought me into a half hug as she placed her head against mine softly. “I’m so sorry that that had to happen to you. That wasn’t something that Sirius should have done, jealousy or not.”

“He was jealous of me?” I asked, my heart sinking. I knew that Remus had feelings for Sirius, but I figured that they would fade the longer that we were together.

“Full-on alpha rage,” Lily nodded sadly.

I stayed silent for a moment before I took a deep breath and got ready to admit the truth. “When I was in the hospital wing for my wrist Madame Pomfrey got suspicious and had to do another test on me. It turns out…” I trailed off as my courage faltered.

“Please tell me that you’re not dying,” she pleaded as she took my hand and grasped it in hers.

“No, not dying. At least not yet,” I muttered sarcastically.

“Sev, please don’t joke about things like that right now,” she whined as she brushed a couple strands of hair out of my face.

“Madame Pomfrey performed a pregnancy test on me and it came back positive,” I rushed the words out as quickly as I could. A frigid feeling of dread settled over me as I waited to lose my best friend and be truly alone in the world once more. My parents wouldn’t care much about the pregnancy and would just use it as the perfect excuse to disown me.

“That’s…” Lily trailed off, her eyes wide with an emotion I didn’t know how to read. She just pulled me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me as she released her lovely apple scent that wasn’t contained by the scent blocker. I buried my face in her neck and took the scent in as it was the only thing that could stabilize my chaotic life. Slowly, I let myself cry for the second time that day.

When I finished I pulled my head back and wiped my face off on the sleeves of my robe.

“What are you going to do?” she asked, placing her hand once again on my shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to keep the baby? Are you going to give him up for adoption? Are you going to go through with the pregnancy at all?” she prompted.

I opened my mouth to answer her but found that I didn’t know what I was going to do. “I don’t know,” I finally breathed. Admitting it seemed to help, but the unsettled feeling still rested in every crevice of my mind.

“I think you should start by telling the father. Please tell me that it’s Remus and not him,” Lily murmured as she reached out and grabbed both of my hands in hers.

“It is Remus. I wasn’t together with him for long enough to sleep with him,” I shook my head.

“Then you should go tell Remus about the baby,” Lily said. She dropped my hands and stood up, gathering up my things before she offered one of her delicate hands to me. I took it and stood up, swaying for a minute like I had for the past two weeks. Together, we walked back to the school and up through the winding corridors to get to the Gryffindor common room.

“Wait, I’m scared,” I whispered, stopping just short of the door where she would say the password and let us inside. She hadn’t yet let go of my hand, so when I stopped she was tugged back with me.

“Remus won’t just up and abandon you,” she promised with a reassuring smile. “And if he does James and I will be here to help take care of you whatever you choose to do.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” she grinned, her eyes sparkling adoringly at me before she turned back to the painting. Everything had been going too fast up to this point, but now the world seemed to slow to a crawl as we walked through the small hallway leading to the common room and then entered in the rest of the way. It was a lovely day outside so most people were lounging around in one of the areas outdoors which left only two people in the common room.

“Remus?” I asked, my eyes nearly bulging out of my skull. Seconds ticked one by one as I processed what I was seeing. My boyfriend was perfectly placed on top of his best friend’s lap as their lips stuck together. Sirius had his hand-woven into the dusty brown locks just like I had two weeks ago and again just the day before. Tears blurred my vision as their kiss slowed and they looked up to me.

“What the fuck?” I cussed, my hands balling into fists beside my as rage seethed through my pores and infiltrated my very being.

“Severus?” Remus asked as he sprang out of Sirius’ lap as quickly as humanly possible. “It’s not what it looks like!”

“It’s not? Then what is it?” I snapped bitterly.

“We were just... I mean, I-” he stuttered as he hurried around the edge of the couch and tried to grab my hands.

“Don’t touch me,” I growled, backing away from him slightly. Lily placed a hand on my back and was letting a cool, yet angry scent out.

“What? Are you afraid of him now that you know?” Sirius asked as he walked behind the beta, my supposed boyfriend.

“No! And I wouldn’t have been scared of him in the first place if you hadn’t sent me into the middle of a dangerous situation where neither of us had any idea what was going on,” I sassed back.

The alpha growled darkly at me and wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist as if just to show how much closer they were. “That doesn’t change the fact that you were still scared of him. I was never scared of him.”

“I’m not some piece of meat that you two get to fight over like animals!” Remus scolded as he stepped away from the alpha.

“This shouldn’t have to be a fight. You’re my boyfriend! You and I have been dating for months and-and,” I faltered, unable to get the words past my life.

“And what?” Sirius snapped viciously.

“And I’m pregnant you fucking asshole!” I cussed as I stormed out of the room. I had made my way down a couple of hallways before Lily was able to catch up with me.

“Sev, please wait up,” she pleaded as she jogged after me. The skirt that some people could opt to wear was a bit constricting when it came to running. I did as she asked and stopped, letting her catch up to my side. She instantly flung her arms around me and rubbed our necks together to scent me. “I’m so sorry that that had to happen to you.”

“I hate him so much,” I whispered into her shoulder as my arms came up to hold her as close to me as I could.

“I know. You have the right to hate him that much,” she replied with a small shake of her head. “It makes sense why they would. That was a horrid thing that they did.”

“I just want someone to love me,” I murmured as tears slipped down my face and onto my neck.

“I know. I know,” she whispered as she rubbed the back of my head and rocked us back and forth. “You deserve someone that is going to love you after all you’ve been through.”

“Do I? The forces above don’t seem to think that I do,” I seethed as I wiped the tears from my face and sniffled a small bit.

“You do. You’ve just been looking in the wrong places,” she smiled cryptically. “Now do you want to go down to the Great Hall for dinner with me? James and I were planning on sitting away from Remus and Sirius today anyway. Maybe Peter will join us too.”

“Okay,” I replied, giving her a small smile. She beamed back at me, which caused my heart to flutter eagerly in my chest. She slipped her hand into mine as we walked down to the Great Hall below us. James and Peter were already sitting further down the table than they normally did. Peter’s plate was already full of food, and just the sight of dinner made my stomach growl loudly as if reminding me that I hadn’t yet eaten anything.

“Hey,” James smiled as he motioned for me to sit at one of the empty spots while making grabby hands at his girlfriend. Lily let my hand go only to circle around the end of the table and sit next to her courting partner. I sat down and began to load up my plate with food.

“How is your wrist feeling?” Peter asked as he nibbled on a piece of bread.

“Better than it was this morning,” I replied with a small shrug before my eyes darted back up to James. “I should thank you since you were the one that came to help me. If you didn’t I would have been a lot more injured,” one of my hands drifted down to my stomach.

“It was the right thing to do. I know that we’ve had our differences, but I’ve grown up a little bit since I started dating Lils,” James smiled back at me.

“More than a little bit. You’re making great progress,” the redhead praised as she kissed her cheek before resuming her meal.

“I’m really sorry that Sirius did that to you. Normally when he pulls pranks it’s just to make somebody laugh or be really confused. He’s never tried to hurt someone like that before,” Peter said. I could tell that he was earnest in his apology to me, which certainly helped with the messy turmoil of emotions that were whirling in my heart.

“Seeing as I’ve been at the backend of most of your pranks up until this year, they were never very funny,” I replied.

I was still a little bitter, but as time passed it slowly faded from me. I held resentment for Remus as he had taken advantage of me in more ways than one. I spent more time with my best friend and her boyfriend, slowly getting used to spending my time around the obnoxiously charismatic Gryffindors and less time around the back-stabbing slyness of my Slytherin housemates. I had never had many friends in the first place, and even less when my omegan secret finally came to light so I didn’t miss them much. My parents disowned me just as I had expected them to, but there was no howler to announce my secret to the entire school.

The next time that I spoke to Remus was when he cornered me outside of the library with Lily when I was getting closer to my third month. “Sev,” he pleaded as he reached out and caught my arm.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore,” I replied as I wrenched my arm out of his hold and narrowed my eyes at the beta. “You can call me Snape.”

“Fine, but we really do need to talk,” he said, shoulders sagging as he stared down at the ground.

“We can talk in the library, my ankles hurt,” I grumbled as I glanced at Lily.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to even give him the time of day after what he did to you,” she murmured as we continued on our way with the dejected beta following slowly behind us.

“I need to talk to him anyway. There’s the whole matter of… you know what,” I mumbled as my hand pressed to my still flat stomach for a moment. I would be five or six months along when we graduated and I wasn’t planning on coming back for the eighth year since I would have a baby to take care of. I was already good in potions so I figured I’d be able to find a job somewhere in desperate need of someone like me.

We walked back to one of the more secluded parts of the library and sat down at the table. “What do you want to talk about?” I asked. Something inside of me wanted to forgive him immediately and have everything go back to the way that it had been before, but I knew that it was my pregnancy hormones.

“The baby,” he replied, his eyes glued to my expertly hidden stomach.

“What about him?” I growled back defensively. Lily reached out and rubbed my shoulder as her way of showing what little support she could.

“Are you going to keep it?” he asked.

“Of course I am. I know I act like some pre-feral omega but I actually care about the pup I’m carrying,” I hissed quietly. I wanted to correct the objectifying of our-my child, but I had bigger battles to fight at the moment.

“You know that there’s a possibility that it could be a werewolf, right?” he asked, narrowing caramel eyes at me.

“That doesn’t bother me. I’m better at potions than you are so I’d be able to make a draft to help with the uncontrollable rage and painful transformations,” I replied quickly.

“So you’re just going to let yourself give birth to another monster that will be tortured and unloved?” Remus growled.

“My child will not be a monster. I have been one of the people that this world has shown no love to and I will make sure that I love my pup more than anything else,” I narrowed my eyes and released my scent for the first time since he had swept me into the conception of my baby.

“Fine,” he spat back in reply. “If you’re going to keep it then I should get custody too.”

“No,” Lily and I both said at the same time.

I glanced over at her and felt another surge of confidence as she gave me a determined look. “You just called the pup a monster and said that he would be discriminated against. There’s no way in Hell I would let you have any rights to my baby or let you see him if you’re going to act like that when you’re around him.”

“I wish I had never had sex with a whore like you,” Remus muttered darkly as he stood up and stalked quickly away from our little corner of the library.

I sat in my seat numbly, both of my hands laid limply in my lap while I processed what my ex-boyfriend had said to me. I had been so in love with him just weeks beforehand, it was insane how quickly he had changed from the adoring beta I’d fallen for into the abusive, rude man that had been before me seconds ago.

“You did the right thing, Sev,” Lily said softly as she placed her hand on my shoulder and then wrapped me in an adoring hug. I placed my hands over her arms as a way of hugging her back and leaned into the embrace. “You don’t even have to give him the time of day now.”

“He called me a whore… where did the beta I fell in love with go?” I asked.

“I don’t know. He’s not acting much like the Remus I knew either,” she sighed as she placed her chin on my shoulder. We fell silent for a bit, both of us stewing in our emotions.

“I thought I’d find you two in here,” James grinned at us as he rounded the corner and entered into our little alcove. “Why are you so glum?”

“Remus followed us in here because he wanted to talk,” Lily began.

“So? Sirius was the one that basically jumped you when this went down,” James said as he pulled over a chair and sat down next to us.

“Remus called me a whore and called the baby a monster,” I replied bitterly.

“Oh.”

“It took almost all of my willpower to not knock his teeth out,” Lily grumbled with a scowl.

“I think I might have to have words with him,” James nodded as he rubbed his face. “I was coming to talk about something a little more chipper but it feels like the wrong time now.”

“No, I need something happy. My life has sucked for the past couple of months,” I replied with a small shake of my head.

“Well, Lily and I did some talking last night and I finally made up my mind. When we all graduate, I want us to move in together. I have a trust fund from my parents and if I pass all of my exams I can become an Auror and start getting my own funding as well. We can buy a house in a nice little muggle village and live out our lives until we’re old and grey.”

“Is this your way of asking us to be a pack?” I asked with a small smile. The idea made my heart flutter happily in my chest in a way that being with Remus hadn’t. Lily had been the object of my affections for so long, and James didn’t look bad nor was he as much of a prick as I originally thought that he was. I enjoyed being around them both and even if I didn’t become mates with them, being in their pack would be lovely.

“Cute,” Lily cooed as she left her place around my shoulders and attacked her boyfriend with happy little kisses all over his face.

“What about the baby?” I asked after a moment as I placed my arms protectively around my unnoticeable bump.

“We’ll get a house with two extra bedrooms. One for you, one for the pup!” James grinned with a shrug. “It’ll work.”

“That would be… amazing,” he murmured as he grinned.

“Great!” he announced before a ghost poked his head through a bookcase just to shush us.

I avoided Sirius and Remus like they had the plague for the next month of school. We were placed away from each other during the exams however, which was the best part of them. I got morning sickness and scent replacer drafts from Madame Pomfrey after I explained my situation to her. I began to keep the heavy drapes around my bed drawn and locked with spells as I had created a nest out of blankets from wherever I could find. Lily and James became fiercely protective over me, but we all decided that we shouldn’t actually form a pack until we were living with each other and had a firm grasp on what our lives would be.

Lily and I kept getting closer now that James had realized that I wasn’t as awful as he initially thought. She began to get clingier, giving me more hugs and kisses on the cheek. It wasn’t unwelcome, in fact, I adored it more than anything else. James also began to show physical affection towards me as well as spend more time around me without Lily. I cursed myself when my heart began to flutter eagerly at just the thought of being around them and spending time with them. I had fallen for them and I had no way of getting out of it.

I had expected them to withdraw their offer to have me in their pack when we had actually graduated. However, they found me on the day that we were all packing up to leave the school for good and sat with me the entire train ride back.

“Here,” James said, grabbing my bag before I had the chance to. He placed it on the trolley and then did the same to Lily’s. Her cat made an unappreciative yowl as she was jostled around in her carrier.

“James left last week for a night and settled on a house in a place where his parents approve. Isn’t this exciting?” Lily giggled as she grabbed my hand and wove her fingers together.

“I can’t believe that you two are actually letting me be a part of your pack, especially with the baby on the way,” I mumbled, placing a hand under my rounded stomach.

“Speaking of which, I told my mom about your situation and she said that there would be a surprise for you when we got to the house,” James grinned as he turned back to look at me. We exited through the entrance to Platform 9 ¾ and out in the wider muggle train station. Lily opens the trunk to the car that her parents had bought her after her sixteenth birthday and loads our trunks into it. She then got into the driver seat and James got into the front passenger seat. I got into the middle of the backseat and let out a small chuckle as her cat lets out a yowl of protest once more. We would have apparated if not for the risks that came with apparating when pregnant.

When we arrived at the house, I had to be shaken awake since the long drive through the countryside had put my right to sleep. I yawned and rubbed away the blurriness that my eyes always collected when I napped.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” James teased with one of his winning smiles.

“You try to stay awake when you’re growing a human inside of you,” I bit back playfully in reply. He chuckled and offered me a hand to help me up, something that was getting slightly more difficult the larger that the pup got.

“You really picked a good one, James,” a beta woman told my friend as she walked over to where we were now talking by the car. She had shaggy brown hair and the same lovely blue eyes that James had but her face looked nothing like his. “And you must be Severus!” she beamed as she turned to me.

“Ah, yes I am,” I nodded as I placed a hand on the bottom of my stomach protectively.

“James and Lily have both told me so much about you. I’m glad that they took you in and decided to start a pack with you. Trust me, it will be good for the pup,” the woman, who must have been Mrs. Potter promised with a pretty smile.

“I hope so. Things have been pretty bad so far,” I winced in remembrance of how badly my hips had been hurting just yesterday.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through this so young and that the father bailed on you,” Mrs. Potter tutted. The sun disappeared behind a cloud and she began to usher us into our new home, where Lily and James had already brought our bags in and released Crookshanks from his carrier.

“Now, I don’t know if James told you this or not, but I have been preparing the house since we bought it for him. And as soon as he told me that you were expecting I knew that I had to do something for you,” she grinned wickedly.

“He did tell me about that,” I nodded as I glanced over at the aforementioned alpha. He grinned back to me and gave me a thumbs-up before he was dragged into the kitchen by Lily.

Mrs. Potter began to walk through the house, leading me through the living room and into a hallway. From what I had seen, it was a lovely home that would be amazing to live in and even better to raise a child in. The front door opened into a small mudroom with tastefully tiled floors. It had a closet to the side for coats and a storage container for shoes as well as a key hanger. There was another door with lots of ornate glass in the upper half. When opened, it revealed the living room and had a hallway down the right and a kitchen to the left. The entire house was done in the most gorgeous hardwood that I had ever seen. The living room had a fireplace with a large mantle and several built-in bookshelves to either side. The bookcases were already half-way filled with Lily’s collection and a couple that I’m sure Mrs. Potter had left in her hopes that her son would one day read them.

As I walked down the hall, I looked at some of the photos already hanging on the walls. There were a couple of Lily and me in our beginning years of friendship, taken with Muggle cameras. The one near the first room was James and the rest of his friends, which had been taken before Sirius and Remus had turned to dreadfully tainted. I peeked into the first room and found that it was a bathroom.

The tile was the same as it had been in the mudroom and the countertops matched with it tastefully. It was decently sized with a tub and shower tucked into a divet in the wall. Behind the door, I assumed that there would be some type of linen or storage closet.

I turned back and followed after Mrs. Potter as we kept walking down the hallway. We went up a staircase that I was dreading descending when my belly got so big that I couldn’t see my toes. There was another hallway up the stairs, though this one went the other way. It had four rooms, two on each side. The one closest to the stairs was another bathroom and then on the other side, Mrs. Potter stopped and opened the door to reveal a bedroom.

“This is your room,” she said. “I know it’s bare, but you’ll have plenty of time to change it to your liking,” the beta chuckled.

I smiled back at her and took a step in to look at what they had placed in it so far. My trunk was placed against the wall, leaning against a gorgeous oak desk. It had a comfortable chair tucked between the drawers on one side and the legs on the other. It had a lamp on one corner, the corner closest to the wall. There was a bookshelf on the northernmost wall, containing a couple books that I assumed they had somehow obtained from my mother and father’s house. The bed was underneath the window and decorated with warm and heavy quilts. I was going to have to change those out before I went to sleep tonight since the pregnancy had made it unbearable to sleep under anything less than a top sheet. There was a closet on the last and final wall, just large enough to fit the limited clothing items that I owned. The room was much larger than my one with my parents had been and much brighter than that one had been as well.

“It’s lovely,” I smiled happily as I turned and walked back to the last room on the right side of the wall. I walked in after Mrs. Potter and gasped.

The room had been decorated as a nursery. The walls were a delicate baby blue with animal trim at the top and bottom. The window was large and framed with lilac curtains that were blowing in the breeze. Underneath the window was a little bookshelf with more children’s stories that I could hope to read to the pup in a year. The crib was white with a pastel yellow mattress lining the bottom. A matching rocking chair was in the corner right next to it, covered with a blanket that had the same color scheme as the rest of the room. The crib had a mobile with little broomsticks hung from the circlet. There was a changing table stocked with wipes, nappies, and a couple other miscellaneous baby things that would undoubtedly come in handy later. The closet was shut and had a rug spread out on the ground in front of it. It had several toys and more than enough stuffed animals piled on top of each other.

“This is wonderful,” I breathed, pressing a hand to my stomach as I thought about the tiny baby growing inside of me. In just four or five short months he would be here, growing up in this very nursery. The thought brought tears to my eyes and soon had me crying. Mrs. Potter wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back as I sobbed into her shoulder.

“Shh, it’s alright love,” she cooed as she brought me over to the rocking chair and had me sit down.

“Sev? Is everything okay?” Lily asked as she rushed into the room from where she had been exploring the house herself. She grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles.

James followed after her, worrying his lip in between his teeth. “Is the nursery okay? I know the broomstick mobile is a little cheesy but I thought it was cute. We can change it if you don’t like it,” he mumbled.

“No, this is wonderful,” he whispered as he wiped at his face. “I love it so much.”

“Why are you crying, then?” James asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder and rubbed gently.

“It’s just something that happens during pregnancy, love,” Mrs. Potter replied.

“I can’t wait to raise my pup here,” I grinned widely as I looked over to the two people I loved most in the world.

“We can’t wait to raise him here either,” Lily giggled as she kissed my cheek. “Love you.”

Mrs. Potter slipped quickly out of the room, leaving us to spend some time together.

“Wh-what?” I asked, eyes wide as excitement and apprehension filled me.

“Sorry,” she mumbled as she looked down at her knees and the floor underneath her. “I wasn’t going to say anything since I know that you haven’t had any luck with relationships in the past. I didn’t want to coerce you into anything or pressure you in any way.”

“Lily, I’ve been in love with you since our fourth year,” I laughed bitterly.

“I told you, Lils,” James snickered.

“You’re okay with her loving someone other than you?” I asked him.

“I mean, yeah. If I’m being honest my ideal situation would be the three of us together but I understand that that can’t happen…” James mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Says who?” I asked as I stood up from the rocking chair and turned around. I stood up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, finally giving in to the desires that I had been having for a good month now. He wrapped his arms around my hips and tipped my backward slightly as he returned the kiss.

When we pulled back Lily began to pepper my face with kisses just like I had seen her do with James so many times before. I giggled and nuzzled against her scent gland once I had the opportunity to. She purred eagerly and scented me with her decidedly mate scent, claiming me in the only way that she could. I released a scent like that as well and claimed her before rubbing against James as well. We would have to wait until my next heat after the baby was born or else there was a chance I could feral and reject the pup. James scented me back, making us all effectively mates until the pup was born.

---

The hot July air seeped through the cracks in the windows and hung heavy in our rooms. The breeze helped a small bit, blowing the curtains that hung around the windows up before they drifted back down to their proper locations.

James was away at work again and had to stay late tonight. I don’t know why he insisted on becoming an Auror when we were already part of the Order of the Phoenix and we were in the midst of the most dangerous time of our lives.

Crookshanks was lounging in the shade underneath one of the footstools littered around the living area to try and cool himself off.

“It’s so hot,” I complained, throwing my head back against the throw blanket on the back of our couch.

“If you think you’re hot imagine what it’s like being pregnant in this heat,” Severus complained from where he was sitting on the kitchen tile. In the mornings and evenings, he spent a lot of his time reading in his nest on the master bed, but during the day, especially in the overwhelming heat of the afternoon he would sit on the tile floor of the mudroom or the kitchen and read there. He hadn’t been able to find work yet due to the quickly advancing arrival of our pup.

“I know you’re uncomfortable Sev,” I sighed. I got up and walked around the couch to come and join him in the kitchen. My legs stuck to the chilled tile floor as I made sure not to touch him in fear of adding to his uncomfortableness.

“Being pregnant sucks,” he whispered as he placed his hands underneath his huge rounded bump.

“So you wouldn’t be willing to do this again? Even if James or I were the one to father the pup?” I asked.

“Maybe then. Just because of how much I love you,” he replied with a small smile. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. We had been scent-mated for about three months now and James and I couldn’t be happier.

“Ow,” Severus whispered, tensing up all of his muscles.

“Is this a false contraction?” I asked as I reached over and grabbed his hand.

“I’ve been having them all morning,” he mumbled in reply. “I was so uncomfortable last night that I just assumed I was more uncomfortable right now.”

“Sev, this isn’t good. You’re only seven months along,” I whimpered as I pressed a hand to the side of his face and then to his forehead. I didn’t know what I was looking for but it seemed like the right thing to do at the moment.

“I didn’t think that I could go into labor this early,” he whispered timidly. “I hope that this is just false contractions and not actual labor.

“Me too. I guess all we can do now is wait,” I mumbled with a small shrug. We sat on the kitchen floor together all afternoon. I got up and made us lunch and then a snack when the time for them came. I read to him at one point and got him pillows when he became uncomfortable.

“Severus? Lily?” James called as he walked into the house.

“In here, love!” I called back in reply as I ran my nimble fingers through Severus’s long locks. The pain hadn’t gone away as the day ebbed on and it was beginning to get worse. There was also a new smell flowing off of him that I couldn’t quite place.

“What’s going on?” James asked as he sat down next to me and reached out to place a hand on the baby bump.

“Sev has been in pain since last night and it’s just not going away,” I replied with a sigh.

“Do you think that we need to take him to the muggle hospital down the way?” James asked as he reached up and pet our omega’s face.

“I think that if it doesn’t go away by tonight then we need to,” I nodded.

“Ow,” he whispered again, tensing and griping at anything that he could. This pain had happened only two minutes after the last one did. “Can one of you help me up? I really want to go to my nest.”

“I can,” James replied, helping our omega stand up and slowly waddle his way through our home to get to the nest. He stopped just as he got to the stairs and whimpered as water-soaked his legs.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is,” I panicked.

“Did you just wet yourself?” James asked.

“No, you git!” he swore. “My fucking water just broke,” he whispered.

“We need to get him to the hospital. James, get him out to the car and I’ll grab some of the things that we need,” I said as I rushed past them and up the stairs. I could hear Severus swearing and growling in pain as James tried desperately to calm him down. I grabbed a change of clothes for me, Severus, and James. I then darted into the baby’s room and grabbed diapers, bottles, pacifiers, and a baby blanket that we were planning on bringing the pup home in. I stopped just before leaving the room and grabbed two onesies before I went down to the car. I stuck the bag in the trunk and then got into the front seat and started driving.

“I feel pressure,” Severus whispered as he clung tightly to James’s hand and his maternity dress over his belly. “I need to push.”

“Please try to hold on for just ten minutes,” I pleaded desperately as we sped down the road as fast as the speed limit and my rickety old car would allow.

“I don’t know if I can,” the omega replied, his voice strained as he forced himself to go against the instincts that his body was telling him to follow. “I can’t! Pull over, now!” he shouted.

We had just reached the outskirts of the town and we lived in a small enough village that there wouldn’t be anyone along this road for some time to help us. “James, apparate to get your mum,” I commanded as I unbuckled myself and rushed to the backseat of the car.

“Okay,” the alpha said. His eyes were wide and uncertain with fear as he focused for a moment and apparated away to get help. I opened the back door of the car and got in next to my omega mate. I grabbed his pants and underwear and pulled with one fluid motion like I had seen some people do on TV shows when I was younger. Severus whimpered and pressed his chin to his chest as he began to push.

There was a popping sound just outside of the car, alerting me to the presence of my alpha and his mother.

“Isn’t it a little early for labor to be starting?” Mrs. Potter asked as she walked behind me and peeked over my shoulder. She grimaced and then said, “Well, baby’s come when they choose, I suppose.”

“We can’t get him to the muggle hospital or Saint Mungos in the state that he’s in. What do we do?” I asked as I continued to hold Severus’s hand tightly in mine. He had relaxed against the back of the seat as red liquids dribbled down his leg and onto the fabric of the seat.

“We deliver the baby here and then transport them to Mungos,” she replied with a shrug. “Go around to the other side and I can get a blanket to catch the pup when he comes.”

I did as I was told and left my best friend for just a moment to go around to the other side of the car and grab that hand. James put the front passenger seat down and allowed his mother some more room to get in between Severus’s legs. He handed her the emergency wool blanket that we always kept in the back of the car and then held our omega’s other hand

“Good, I can see the head crowning,” Mrs. Potter praised after about ten minutes of Severus pushing his hardest.

“You’ve said that about five times now and the progress has just gone back,” he snapped moodily as he kept pushing. This time, the head didn’t duck back inside of his entrance like it had the past couple times and emerged further. He let out a stream of curses as he pushed once more and managed to get the head out.

“You’re doing so well, we’re so proud of you,” I praised, kissing his hand as I made sure that my worried scent didn’t leak out of my gland.

“You can do this, Sev. You’ve wanted to meet him so long and now you finally can,” James rambled almost incoherently as his way of working through the stress and anxiety coursing through us both. Severus pushed for another five minutes to get both of the shoulders out until the baby slipped out of him and into the blanket that Mrs. Potter was holding.

She caught the pup and wrapped him weakly in the wool cloth before placing him on Severus’s chest and then apparating to Mungos like had been discussed during the process of Severus birthing our pup.

“Wow, hi there,” the omega whispered as he stared down at his son with wide eyes. “You’re so small,” he whispered reverently. The pup coughed and began to scream and cry, much to the relief of my entire pack. I let out a wet laugh and wiped the tears off of my face as I looked down at the tiny pup.

I had heard stories of new parents praising their children for being the most beautiful beings in the world. I didn’t think that the newborn was particularly pretty, in fact, he looked a bit like a squashed meatloaf, but he was gorgeous in another way. I was a mother, even if I hadn’t been the one to carry or father the pup, and there was nothing better than that feeling.

“This is…” James couldn’t finish his sentence as he kissed Severus once more. The omega pulled back and let out a tense breath as his body forced him to deliver the afterbirth. Just then, Mrs. Potter returned with a couple of medics from Saint Mungos. James and I had to move away from Severus so that they could get him and the pup loaded up on the stretcher. One of them magicked away the afterbirth and cleaned up the pup. They began to cast more spells over our lover and the baby as the other two opened a portal and pushed the omega and pup through it and into the hospital.

I collapsed down to the ground when I saw my mate disappear through it fully, tears rushing down my face at a rapid rate. Mrs. Potter apparated away before I did so, leaving just James and me on the empty road.

“Woah, hey, Lils,” James whispered as he sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder.

“I was so worried that we were going to lose one of them, James,” I whispered as I flung my arms around his neck and buried my face into his scent gland.

“I know, I was too,” he replied as he rubbed my back soothingly. “But we didn’t and now we can pack a proper bag and go to the hospital to see them.”

“I guess so,” I nodded as I wiped my eyes on my sleeve after pulling away from him. I pulled out my wand as I stood up and cast a couple spells over the backseat to get rid of the stains and wetness that had come during the birthing process. I put the passenger seat back up into its proper position and then got into the driver’s seat. We drove back home as quickly as we could, my hands shaking on the steering wheel the entire time. I parked in the driveway and then took out the bags, removing some of the things that I had grabbed in my panic and replacing them. I packed it better so that we only had to bring one instead of one for each of us. It would also be easier for us now that we could apparate home for new clothes.

“Are you ready?” James asked me from where he was standing against the doorframe to our bedroom.

“Yeah. I want to go see Sev and properly meet our baby,” I grinned wickedly. I shouldered the bag and then held his hand as we both apparated to the waiting room and then rushed up to the receptionist.

“Our mate just had a baby, we need to go see him,” James blurted out as he was just barely able to contain his excitement and anticipation.

“Longbottom?” the receptionist asked.

“No, he should be here under Snape,” I shook my head. She flipped through her little book aimlessly for a moment before she told us where he had been set up. We rushed through the halls as quickly as we could while still being respectful to the patients and staff.

“Sev?” I asked as I knocked on the door to the room we had been told our mate was in.

“Lily?” he echoed back with hopeful anticipation that made my heart sing. I walked into the room with James following close behind me. He shut the door behind us and then put a chair next to Severus so that he could sit close to the omega.

“For a little bit I didn’t think that you would come,” he laughed dryly.

“We were coming, we just wanted to repack the bag so that we would have all the things we needed,” I explained quickly as I sat down on another chair near the bed. I sat up on one leg to try and make myself taller so that I could get a better view of the baby.

“Do either of you want to hold him?” Severus asked as he moved the pup around a small bit.

“I’d love to,” I piped up before James even got the chance to open his mouth. Our omega smiled and giggled a small bit as he passed the pup over to my waiting arms. Pride and adoration filled my chest as I looked down at the tiny, red, and very squished face that the pup held.

“Have you decided on a name?” James asked as he looked over my shoulder at the tiny infant in my arms.

“Harry,” Severus nodded. “Harry Potter.”

“You want him to have my last name?” James asked with wide eyes. “Not Harry Snape?”

“I was planning on becoming your mate as soon as I could, and often omegas take their alphas last names without being married,” he nodded. “If that’s okay with both of you.”

“That’s a wonderful and very fitting name,” I grinned widely.

“They had to cast a bunch of spells on him since he was born so early. Apparently, the biological father not being around me made my body go into labor as soon as possible despite all of the potions I was taking,” Severus mumbled as he tried his hardest to stay awake.

“Well, he’s happy and healthy now. Go ahead and go to sleep, love,” James reasoned as he rubbed our omega’s leg with one hand. Severus rested back against the pillows and slowly drifted to sleep with his eyes glued on our newborn pup.

Harry looked up at me with big green eyes and blinked twice before he yawned widely and fell asleep. “I can’t believe that we’re parents,” I whispered as I leaned into James.

“Me too,” he whispered against the skin of my shoulder and neck.

We were able to bring both the baby and our scent mate home after only two days. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were already at the house when we arrived back, eager to meet their eldest grandbaby. Severus was still protective over the infant but allowed them to hold and dote over the newborn for a reasonable amount of time. We settled into a good rhythm with each other once more. We would take shifts getting up with Harry when he cried during the night, most of which was just fussing since he wanted attention.

Our little one was about six months old, Severus was home alone with him a lot. I had gotten a job and had to start doing more work for the Order. We kept Harry a secret from everyone else, only speaking about him in vague terms so that no one knew about our pup nor did they know about our scent-mate.

“Sev! Harry! I’m home,” I called as I placed my keys on their hook and then walked further into the house. Severus was seated on the couch facing the fireplace with our little one napping in his legs.

“Welcome home, love,” he smiled as he turned to look back at me. “I do have something to tell you and James when he gets home as well.”

“Something good or bad?” I asked as I leaned over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“That depends,” he replied as he shifted around anxiously. Harry woke up on his lap and blinked his bright green orbs at me twice before giggling and reaching up with his chubby hands.

“Hi there sweet love,” I cooed as I reached over and tickled his tummy. “Have you been good for Mommy today?”

“He was, actually. He went down for his nap really well,” Severus smiled proudly down at his pup.

“I wonder if Remus regrets what he did to you,” I blurted before I thought better of it.

“I hope not. If he regrets it then he could try and take Harry away from us,” my omega scent-mate frowned deeply.

“Home!” James shouted as the tell-tale pop of apparition echoed through the house from the mudroom. He walked over to us and kissed Severus before wrapping his arms around my hips and kissing me passionately.

“Now that you’re both here I can tell you,” Severus said as he picked Harry up and cradled him expertly while walking around the couch to talk to us more formally.

“Is something wrong, Sev?” James asked worriedly as he grabbed Harry’s little hand as the beta reached out for him.

“You know that I’ve been wanting work for some time, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” I nodded as I glanced over to James and then turned my attention back to the omega.

“Professor Dumbledore came by today and offered me a job that I couldn’t refuse,” he replied, looking away from us.

“What was the job?” James asked, worry leaking out of his dark licorice scent.

“It was something that will really help with the war effort. It could mean that the Order and the Ministry would be able to take down he-who-must-not-be-named,” he rambled, avoiding actually answering.

“Sev, we love you and we will support you. We supported James when he chose to become an Auror. So whatever this job is we’re here to support you,” I said as I reached out and touched his shoulder lightly.

“He asked me to go undercover as a Death Eater. I would be posing as a double agent for them while I’m actually a triple agent for the Order,” he quickly rushed out.

“And you’ve already accepted?” James asked. He looked worried and concerned, but there was no flare of anger or resentment for our mate.

“I have. It does mean that I’ll have to get the Dark Mark. I think it’d be better if I moved out as well. Just so that I had a permanent residence where people could think that I lived even if I spent some time with you two and the baby,” he said.

“Speaking of which,” James sighed, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “Apparently Trawlany got a prophecy and You Know Who got wind of it. He’s looking for babies born in July from Wizards.”

“And Harry was born early in July,” I finished as my heart sunk down into my stomach. “I was thinking that we should go into hiding. No one really knows about Harry, or that he came from Severus and not from you, Lils.”

“Maybe this will work out. We can keep Harry here with us and go into hiding and then Sev can come and visit us whenever he can,” I replied as I looked over to Severus.

“It doesn’t make me happy but I think it will work,” he nodded firmly. “I talked to Peter earlier and he said that he already had an apartment that I could start renting since Dumbledore wants me to start working as quickly as possible,” the omega said. He paused and sniffled heavily, trying to resist crying.

“Oh Severus,” James whispered, wrapping the omega into a hug as he broke into tears. I wiggled Harry around so that he wouldn’t be uncomfortable before I hugged the other side of him.

“I don’t want to have to leave any of you. I love you all so much,” he whispered when he had finally stopped crying.

“We don’t want you to leave either, but if it means that we can raise our son in a better world that much quicker than I’m willing to do anything,” James replied with a shaky smile.

“You’re such a Gryffindor,” Severus laughed as he kissed the alpha’s lips. We spent the rest of the time that we could together until Severus had to pack and move away from us. The Order came and cloaked our house so that no one would be able to find us.

The days and nights blurred together as time continued to pass. Harry grew up faster than I thought was possible, and soon we were celebrating his first birthday with our omega mate. Severus had to leave in the middle of our little party and then came back injured the next night. I spent most of my time reading to our pup and worrying about both of my mates.

The night was getting nippier as October settled over us. I had Harry on my hip as he babbled almost-words into my ear. James was down in the living room, checking on a disturbance in the wards around the house. I heard running and darted into the nursery as quickly as I could. I set Harry down on the changing table and winced as I heard steps coming up the stairs that certainly didn’t sound like my mates’.

“Mummy loves you, sweetheart,” I cooed at the pup to try and keep his quiet despite my frightful scent. “You’re so loved,” I whispered as I kissed the top of his head. I felt something inside of me, my magic perhaps, reaching out and enveloping the pup as I whirled around to see who was opening the door.

I wasn’t able to get a good look at the stranger before I saw a flash of green cross my vision before I fell down to the floor. My will to live fought against the spell for a moment before the spell took over and everything went black.

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magicalgirlfumiko · 5 years ago

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2. An early OC I remember making

I am a loser nerd that has been on the RP scene since 2006 in various means. It really wasn’t until 2009 that I can say that I established a strong world setting and character feel. So I’ll just post two of my main characters from a science fantasy thing I should be writing on as a book but I don’t feel like it:

"We all have to endure crap. No matter the form it takes, no matter what species you may be, hardships come with the territory."

"When it all comes down to it, I'm just a brat who, having spent most of her life doing for others, just wants to live her own life and make her own choices and mistakes. WHO JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN!"

"There are times I feel if I were to vocalize what really went through my head at times people would look at me much differently. With either awe or disgust or a combination of both. Heh."

"The biggest thing I've ever wanted out of life is to become a strong, ever-evolving person who is more than capable of following her curiosity, exploring and meeting head on whatever comes her way. I definitely have the fire inside of me to do so, but until recently...what I realize what I lacked most is a specific focus for all that energy."

GENERAL CHARACTER STATISTICS

Character Name: Skie JungbluthName Meaning: Simply from the English word sky, which was taken from the old Norse word for “cloud.”Alias: NoneGender: FemaleClan: AetherAge: 24B-Day: March 21Zodiac Sign: AriesPlace of Birth: Eternium, Zeledin

Current Residence: The airship, Ethereal (she did not wish to name it that. Skie lost a bet with her boyfriend Mel. It marks the only time she has ever lost one). Skie is almost always on her custom airship which serves as her main home since her 'assignments' take her all over the known world. As a result, most of Skie's work takes place on her ship.

Occupation: Smuggler, Aryeh's mentor. Professional Gambler.

School/Grade: Finished College

Family: Joshua Jungbluth (Father), Lassilsa Jungbluth (Mother), Bill Jungbluth (Brother)

Gemstone: Diamond

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

Height: 167.64 cm

Hair: She has brown hair. Her curls help to soften her square face shape, while the long side-swept bangs bring the focus to those piercing yellow eyes. Skie keeps her hair shoulder length or just a little below. Before she became a smuggler, she often wore her hair long and flowing just like her mother but has shortened it to be look less like a kid in her mind's eye.

Eyes: Yellow and catlike. The reason for this is because of her usage of arcane magic. Unlike Rane, who used external energy from others, Skie is attempting the same kind of mysteries but at the cost to her own body.

Distinguishing Marks: None

General Appearance: Skie’s eyes are usually sharp, alert and often almond shaped. She typically flushes when she feels excited. When Skie hears good news, red color will flood her face. Angry: You can always tell when she is truly angry because she will turn quite red. She also flushes when she is embarrassed or when she over exerts herself such as when exercising. She is handsome and she knows it. Skie is powerfully built but still has a womanly body.

General Clothing: Skie likes to dress classy but comfortably. Her normal wears are a white button shirt, a brown waist length jacket, black slacks, and sometimes a tie. In colder weather, she wears her father’s old brown leather trench coat which is held shut by short leather tabs.

Strengths: Skie is very adept with Aether magic. This is the power from WITHIN. It is based upon the soul, the powers that are deep within the essence of who you are. The lesser known of the styles, Aether powers are often channeled through emotions and desires.

As a swordsman, Skie's abilities are lackluster; however, those around her have noted that her fighting style, however unrefined, is heavy hitting and vicious. As it turns out, Skie's style and progress mirror that of her father.

Weaknesses: The weakness of her magical style is that it comes completely from her own body, so if she is injured or drugged or unconscious, those powers can be interrupted. It is also based upon strong desires, so her emotions must be in tune with what she wants. One of the fundamental issues with her is that she literally has a well of power inside herself. She has to constantly use magic to prevent too much from building up inside her at once.

Skie is prone to have headaches, particularly migraines, and depression because of these powers.

More: Weight: 51 kg, Breast: 81 cm, Waist: 53 cm, Hips: 84 cm

MENTAL CHARACTERISTICS

Allies: Mel and Aryeh. Skie is a good friend, she always looks out for her friends with caring and generosity and will protect them should the need arise and encourage them with her natural optimism.

Enemies: Medus and the Yellow Brother's are her main rivals, but Rane is the bigger danger.

Current Goal/Purpose: She is sent out to find Medus by her brother. He has promised her a lot of money to do so.

Aspirations: She wants to succeed where others have failed. Skie wants to explore the world, change it to fit her whims and do her best at life.

Hobbies: Skie likes activities that involve mobility and less concentration like war games, fast sports, motor racing, gambling, and vibrant music. However, she also likes to grill and come up with meals.

Likes: Action, Coming in first, Challenges, Championing Causes, and Spontaneity

Dislikes: Waiting Around, Admitting Failure, No opposition, Tyranny, other people’s advice

Talents: She’s skilled at games of chance. Skie is also skilled with fixing up and redesigning airships.

Inabilities: Selfish and quick-tempered, Impulsive and impatient, Foolhardy and daredevil, if confronted, Skie can turn to be quite childish; she will fight back with her aggressive nature.

Fears: Feeling that her identity is threatened. Self-preservation is a primal instinct and goal for her.

General Personality: Skie loves to explore new ground. She reminds her friends that every moment is new and that life is about experimentation and discovery. It is through experiences that we develop and mature. We are here to advance our soul growth. We are not here to find a static, comfortable situation. We are here to go for the gold and to answer the call of our soul. We are engaged in an on-going process to release our resistance and to transmute all forms of fear into courage and compassion.

Skie is a courageous leader with a genuine concern for those she commands. Being a responsible lady, it is rare that she will use her subordinates to obtain her own objectives as a leader, but occasionally it does happen. She does not make a very good follower because she is too "taking charge".

Skie may be unwilling to obey or submit to directions for which she can see no reason, or with which she disagrees. She is much concerned with self, both positively and negatively - self-reliant but also self centered (sometimes) and concerned with her own personal advancement and physical satisfaction. Her immense energy makes her aggressive and restless, argumentative occasionally, headstrong, quick tempered, easily offended and capable of holding grudges if she feels affronted.

Skie is intellectual and objective, but can be in rare situations bigoted and extremist in politics. She is a champion of lost causes and last-ditch resistance.

Inner Personality: Skie is quick-witted but sometimes foolhardy and over-optimistic, lacking thoroughness and the ability to evaluate difficulties regarding the undertakings into which she often rushes impulsively. The great need of Skie is to exercise an iron self-control, to discipline the qualities and tendencies of her character to the advantage, not the detriment, of the society in which she moves.

Fondest Memory: Winning all the money out of the casinos that are present in Eternium.

Biggest Regret: None so far, she has lived a pretty good life so far and rarely decides to focus on the past.

Secret: She also loves the color pink.

SPECIALTY CHARACTERISTICS

Special Items: The Ivory Cross that Skie wears. It is the symbol used on Chenoan flags. This is used to show her support of the Chenoan cause against Rane.

Magic: Aether Lightning, Skie’s only usable combat spell as an arcane magus. Raw Aether magic arcs from her hands as lightning allowing limited ranged combat capabilities.

HISTORIC BACKGROUND

General History: Skie's upbringing was fairly typical for an upper middle class family in post-war Zeledin. After the Zeledin War, her father stayed out of the limelight. While Joshua was one of the founders of the Category following Rane's disappearance, he never sought a lot of personal wealth. He believed that it was better for his children to grow up modestly. When she was younger, it never crossed her mind that she’s the daughter of Joshua Jungbluth. Most of her childhood she moved around a lot since Lassilsa didn’t want to stay in the former capital of her queen. Skie and her brother didn’t get along even from this early age.

Lassilsa was her main teacher, since Joshua himself never mastered any magical abilities. Like her father, Skie’s genes were “overspecialized” with a connection to Aether. Thus, with her magical prowess in aether magic allowed her to attend the Eternium Military Academy. At age 22, she graduated with Study in Arcane magic. It was attending the school that she became close friends with Mel Rogero. They have been dating ever since.

Shortly after her graduation, Skie enlisted into the Category's AeroCorps, in Zeldin's capital city of Eternium. She wished to distance herself from the legacy of her father while enlisted, so she was made a junior officer on the CAC Drake. It was an unremarkable time for her on the airship. Her time in the military was very short. She was kicked out for being too hot headed.

At age 24, Skie left the AeroCorps and enlisted herself to be an aging bounty hunter. He gave her a new task; being a pilot and mentor figure. Her new role was to train Ary Fairwater in Arcane studies, which puzzled her. She dislikes being a teacher and doesn’t want a teen getting in her way. To this day she continues to indirectly train Ary. Though, it seems that it is Mel that does a lot of the mentoring.

Skie was recently hired by her brother to force Medus Tenpenny into the Category's Elite Unit. In response, Mel Rogero was hired to be her bodyguard by Lassie. Skie is more than aware that The Category might have plans to make Medus their trump card when they finally intervene on the war between Chenoa and Rane's forces.

Why not? One's gotta feel confident in a uniform."

"Because Skie is amazing. She has been putting in so much hard work and it payed off big time. It doesn't matter if she's not considered a "real" magus by Category standards. She is amazing as her own kinda woman."

"Once, I had a fortune told to me and usually I never take them into thought...This one I did. It said,"Greet your friends with open arms and happiness will come to you." I seriously sat there, frozen while reading it. I took it as, I should stop being so distant and accept my friends...Bring them back into my life, even if I'm not with them. I hope I can though."

"Don't you hate when you really want to say something,but don't know what?"

GENERAL CHARACTER STATISTICS

Character Name: Mel RogeroName Meaning: Mel is a pet name of Maethelwine, which means “Meeting Friend.”Alias: NoneGender: Male

Age: 25B-Day: 2/26Zodiac Sign: PiscesPlace of Birth:ChenoaCurrent Residence: Skie’s AirshipOccupation: Skie’s Body Guard. Seat of Water, Unit ZeroSchool/Grade: Finished High SchoolFamily: MJ Rogero (Sister). Other relatives not mentioned.Gemstone: Moonstone

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

Height: 180 cm (5’11”)

Hair: Mel wears his black hair (almost violet) really long, which is considered the sign of an unmarried warrior in the Moon Clan. It is kept braided by white wraps.

Eyes: Blue

Distinguishing Marks: He wears one beaded earring in his left ear.

General Appearance: Mel is a gentlemen and not sloppy in his overall appearance.

General Clothing: Mel loves the color black and wears a military inspired tunic and trousers. When not in combat, he wears a purple cape to add to the ensemble, the sign of his family. This has more to do with tradition than anything else. Since Mel is the only male son in his family, it suggests that he’ll inherit the title of his father someday. It also keeps him warm in the colder regions of Mirabella.

Strengths: Some think of him as weak because, like water, he takes the path of least resistance. But by flowing on, resisting nothing, Mel overcomes all and his freedom from self (his greatest secret strength) provides him with limitless access to imagination (his second greatest secret strength). His emotions are known to guide his heart and his mind. Mel possesses a great trait that allows him to come in contact with a variety of emotions and not pass judgment on an individual.

Weaknesses: Mel does not have many combatant spells, since he put most of his focus on using overclock and natural smarts. Mel is also very meek, while this could also be considered a merit; Mel cannot take the life of an enemy, for he is a very religious follower of the Moon Goddess.

MENTAL CHARACTERISTICS

Allies: The Category

Enemies: None.

Current Goal/Purpose: Mel is Skie’s bodyguard and boyfriend. He is a man who enjoys helping and serving others. Mel is very observant and examines each person and situation closely. He is a dreamer, which allows him to relate intimately to Skie. Mel gives to her, a certain peace and security. He always tries to avoid all possible arguments with her.

According to Ivy Veyado, Mel makes Skie more docile and convenient. He shields her against her enemies and is able to pacify her fears and give her the emotional security she needs. Mel often possesses the fiery command and gentle nature which makes a perfect blend to keep her satisfied and affectionate.

Aspirations: To help everyone he meets to the best of his ability.

Hobbies: Mel finds infinite pleasure in the simple things, like the smile of a stranger, the touch of a child, or the tweet of a bird as it feathers its nest. Mel likes telling stories, painting, cooking, watching good cinema, and collects clothes from foreign nations.

Likes: Solitude to dream in, mystery in all its guises, anything discarded to stay discarded, the ridiculous, likes to get 'lost'

Dislikes: The obvious, being criticized, feeling all at sea about something, know-it-alls, and pedantry.

Talents: Healing magics, cooking, making tea, etc.

Inabilities: Escapist and idealistic, secretive and vague. Can sometimes be bossed around by Skie.

Fears: Upheavals are abhorrent to Mel, and stay with him for days but, it is not always understood, that he absorbs all kinds of atmospheres like a sponge and, just as the power of the sea takes time to settle after a storm, so Mel needs to be allowed time and space alone, to recover his inner calm.

General Personality: Mel possesses a gentle, patient, malleable nature. He has many generous qualities and is friendly, He is good natured, kind and compassionate, sensitive to the feelings of those around him, and responds with the utmost sympathy and tact to any suffering he encounters. Mel is deservedly popular with all kinds of people, partly because his easygoing, affectionate, submissive nature offers no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters.

He accepts the people around him and the circumstances in which he finds himself rather than trying to adapt them. Mel patiently waits for problems to sort themselves out rather than take the initiative in solving them. He is more readily concerned with the problems of Skie than with his own.

His nature tends to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. He sometimes exists emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually. Mel longs to be recognized as greatly creative. Any rebellion he makes against convention is personal; however, as he often times does not have the energy or motivation to battle against the Establishment.

Inner Personality: Mel has an intuitive and psychic ability more than any other character in the series. He trusts his gut feelings and if he does not, he quickly learns to because he realizes that his hunches are usually correct.

Mel’s downfall is his sensitivity and his inability to reject another person. He does not like rejection and se tries to treat others the way they want to be treated so he will rarely say no to a person for fear of hurting their feelings.

He will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes him feel good.

His inner conflict is extremes of temperament and conflicting emotions. He wants to learn to use his powers and his imagination in a positive, productive way.

Fondest Memory: He has many. But in reality, his fondest memories always involve spending time with Skie and making sure that she is always smiling.

Biggest Regret: He has a tendency to act like a “savior” and these are a number of times in which he was not able to help everyone that he deems needed his help.

Secret: Mel loves Skie with all his heart and secretly wishes to marry her someday. She is one of the few people who have faith in his dreams. His qualities create an excitement within her and she respects Mel whole-heartedly. To him, Skie has enough fire to spark his desires and lead him to great accomplishments, and give him the faith he needs to stand for dreams and wishes. She has always fiercely defends him in the past against those who judge him inaccurately due to his dreamy nature. She brings excitement and vigor to his life and teaches him to be a bit more practical.

SPECIALTY CHARACTERISTICS

Special Items: The Purple cloak that he is often seen wearing. It is a sign that he is from a long family of knights that work for the crown family of Chenoa. While this is more of a honorary role in the present, he is still proud of his background.

Weapons: A blade for back-up. Mel is a technical pacifist; meaning he is willing to beat people up as much as he wants. He may even get a few fatalities through. However, once it comes down to a choice between killing and not an opponent, Mel will not kill. He uses his sword in non-lethal ways to defeat his foes and to defend Skie.

Whip of the Rip Tide: A whip forged from the strongest batch of ather ever found thus far, it is a Class A weapon that is capable of causing major flooding and water spouts. It is a highly dangerous weapon that only Mel can wield with proper effect. It can also be used as a normal whip or lasso.

Magic: Mel’s magic is focused on using Overclock as his main area of study. In this case, he can separate the processes of his brain and excels at multitasking on things like paperwork and cooking. This is how he is able to use his sword effectively.

Mel does have access to using the powers of Dark Flames, which are a purple flames that extend from his palms and quickly engulfs foes in a cold binding chain. Mel’s other magic includes portal openings and displacements of weapons.

The common belief is that no one can best Mel in non-lethal combat.

HISTORIC BACKGROUND

General History: Mel is the youngest child in his family. His mother went out of her way to spoil him and make sure he excelled at something other than the normal soldiery activities of the Rogero family. Though, in the end he still chose the mantle of being a knight.

Being a member of Chenoa’s court, he had access to many of the best schools in the nation. There Mel learned all the trades to be a Knight in the royal court. However, he soon decided that he’d be better off working within the Category, since Chenoa didn’t have all the fun of the modern world like Zeldin did.

After finishing up his basic schooling, he went on to the Military Academy. During his time off, Mel would wander around the city day dreaming. It was on one of these walks that he first met Skie following one of her storming off from her barracks. She was a very different girl from the ones in Chenoa. One could almost say that she was exotic to him. .

Mel would then become an acquaintance of Lassi, Skie’s mother. Lassi’s goal was to attempt to get them to become a couple. Her greatest fear is that Skie will die a soldier. When Skie left the military, Lassi requested that her daughter be barred from Unit Zero. Skie was then recommended to become a mentor, a job not suited for her fiery spirit. Knowing that her daughter might try to run off and doing something foolish, Lassi has hired Mel to be her bodyguard. Mel was more than happy to take the assignment. While still very shy to Skie, they have known each other for a long enough time that he feels that he can get closer to her this way.

#meme #ooc #thx-memorabilia

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