#the survivors: what the fuck is going on
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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just move on already.
#ffvii#cloud strife#zack fair#zakkura#my art <3#hey so y'know how when you're autistic and pretty stoic about shit but then something horrible happens that makes you cry#and everybody thinks you're faking it. because wtf are you crying about. don't be such a baby all of a sudden. you're better than this.#and you hear it so often that you start to believe it's true and that you're just being manipulative and attention seeking#and that you need to just get the fuck over it like everybody else.#anyway i think that's what's going on with cloud strife. just in general. wombo combo with the survivor's guilt.#also i'm totally not Projecting Onto The Blorbo or anything like that haha :)#:)#:/#:(#>:(
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THE SKELETON'S WIT STRIKES WESKER - IF THEY MANAGED TO STOP FIGHTING, PERHAPS, IN A STRANGE TWIST OF FATE, OR DUE TO THE ENTITY'S BLESSINGS, THEY COULD BE FRIENDS. But perhaps is a strong word here. Very strong.
"I claim no falsehood. I am a god," he says, tone even, mouth betraying a grimace. Being challenged on what he views as his birthright, the one Spencer manufactured... irks him to no end. He wonders if he can rip the Ashen Lord's leg out from under them. If the other would stumble or fall.
"What respect do you speak of? You show me none. This is reciprocal. You decide not to speak to me civilly. I will not do the same."
Wesker flips the knife into a guarding position, blade sticking outwards and up towards the tall figure. Memories of other almost-deaths spike in his mind, and another thought races by: is it possible for Killers to kill other Killers? Is he in actual danger, or is he, by the might of the dark mistress, the Entity, safe?
And though Albert appears to be just of the flesh, he is not human, and grows less human by the day due to his symbiosis with Uroboros. Nearly all of his cells have been replaced by the virus. . .
"I appeared in your corner of the Realm," Wesker huffs, "and I am no blight to the sea. I enjoy the sea! I own a yacht. The sea is my home."
His collection of ships could be compared to a small fleet.
"I know I hunt survivors - the ones that run. The pigs we slaughter? We hook them, do we not? Same. Side."
But then everything goes to hell - maybe literally, with all of the fire - when the skellie lays down the challenge. It is the exact same as an iron gauntlet.
The Ashen Lord's foothold is stable, stable enough that Wesk feels the quiver from Uroboros that danger is coming, and he knows he can't shake the skeleton's posture. The heat is blistering, and he narrowly avoids the white flame. He manages to roll backwards, knife pointed away from him as he moves. The tyrant stands when he is at a safe distance, and suddenly, his knife is placed back in its holster and velcroed back.
"You say fleshie as if you use slurs."
The Mastermind grins a little, and more writhing tendrils start to seep through his clothes. From an outside perspective, it is hard to see if the black goo is making up his clothes, or if he is formed of it entirely.
"I am not made of flesh," he states a moment later, as the virus wraps and slithers around him in a coil, building him to a taller build and height. Uroboros may be weak to fire, but perhaps . . . this fight could cause the resistance?
A fight for evolution.
"I am all-consuming."
A wave of black tendrils surge forth.
A god? Oh how amusing to hear somebody call themselves such a thing! A pitiful title amongst the living when they only believe in their chosen one or all false idols waiting to be torn down into pieces. Humor dances in their tone this time -- although their ever grim visage could never shift to show off the grin that would be spreading their mouth, “ You can claim whatever divine presence you want, but it means little in the way of respect. ” A little ironic since they had demanded respect moments prior -- but alas, there is a difference between claiming as a lord rather than a god, “ All I see is a pitiful little soul still bound by the weakness of flesh ; boasting divinity when gods are mere stories, images made to manipulate the weak. ” The Warden does recognize the movements, used to make one harder to hit -- to evade what towers over them. Smaller the posture, the harder it is to hit with precise strikes. Oh, how it reminds them of the days they had their own burden of flesh. Although, to avoid a stream of searing fire summoned from the skull would be difficult. If they had the intention of burning the other to ash in an instant. Pity their full strength has been barred away by that creature. When the fire ceases, they let out just one last puff of embers -- the color drained as it comes out in pure white. How the threat of burning alive seems to change the tone of even one who claims to be above the rest of the riff raff of fleshie weaklings. “ The same side? ” A low laugh, “ What makes you think I would be aligned with you? My master has spoken of no alliances nor do we humour such blights upon the Sea. ” Even if this one is another Killer as those insects have called them, lest their master has said such a simile as an alliance has been formed, they are all unwelcome to the Fortress. Tone shifts, from the laugh into a growl as the tendrils wrap around their leg. Strange on the sensation, not quite like what they have dealt with in the past. . . fire always does the trick, however, “ Give me a real fight, I've been craving to tear limb from limb a little fleshie since this wretched place came about! ” The foot is planted firmly in the ground, using the weight of the bones and crystals to keep themself in place as well as possible. Then, another breath of fire, this one spewing out as the white the embers had been before.
#ashenwinds (chi)#ashenwinds#eehheheheheheh#them: fighting in the corner#the survivors: what the fuck is going on#v.#v. dbd.
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this show is melting my fucking organs
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#SOMEONE HELP MY BABYGIRL KAIJI BEFORE I RIP MY FINGERNAILS OFF#i just finished s1 ep15 btw. like ik it HAS to get worse but it's been so harrowing so far#he doesn't even have that scar (see image) yet. he's gonna keep having experiences i just know ituhhhhhhhhhhhghhh#kaiji ultimate survivor#kaiji itou#losingmy fuckignd mind somebody help him please#hguhhhhhhhhHhhhh#jesus fucking christ#i feel like that tweet/format was made for him like he just cannot be having a normal one at all#extremely attached to him already i need him to be okay#ive been interrogating what about it is SO good as ive been watching it and like. gwuagh#'psychological thriller' my psychology is getting its fucking ass kicked!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT THRILLING LET ME OUT (<- thrilled)#having One Main Character diminishes some of the stress of a death game but also allows for greater endearment (avoiding what im gonna call#the saw problem) but it's so emotionally intense for him and us that what happens to the others IS of great importance to us#what he experieneces deeply affects him going forward and sticks with him so it doesn't feel like useless tragedy#and his kindness and desperation making him get Right Up To The Line Of Killing but never quite crossing it (thus far) feels so much more#real than other characters' to me. and there's more initial understanding/endearment for the side characters bc we understand thru kaiji an#real life how these ppl have been manipulated and exploited. we know their fear and desperation intimately#which makes it hard to hate anyone even when they do cross lines kaiji wouldn't. desperation is dehumanizing!!!#they do not have the luxury of being morally clean and that's real as fuck!!!!#there's a lot more going on here but it's so sick i can't believe it's taken me years to watch it gAUGHHHHH#it's so deeply human to me and i've been Actually Yelling In My Home about it all day#fkmt#(<- this appears to be the tag of choice o7)
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Crassus, Caelius, Cicero, Catiline, Conspiracy
boy howdy these four sure are something. not featured in this soup of C names, Caesar! what on earth happened here.
Plutarch, Crassus
Sallust on Crassus, Ronald Syme
Patron and Client, Father and Son in Cicero's "Pro Caelio"
Crassus' New Friends and Pompey's Return, Eve J. Parrish
Catullus and His World, T.P. Wiseman
Cicero's Catilinarians, D.H. Berry
#flash back to several years ago when I said I could never retain info on Catiline. Turns out the missing link was Crassus lmao#about halfway through drawing this i realized hbo rome era james purefoy would make a really good catiline#which is. not a good thought. bc when i start figuring out casts is when i start thinking thoughts like 'oh what if i did a comic'#conspiracy spotted. absolutely no survivors found here. good grief. we got whatever is going on with caelius. also some kind of divorce#but actually. hey cicero. HEY CICERO. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. FOR YOU ACTUALLY---#i remember kaine told me about the executions but i did not fully appreciate. exactly what any of it meant in context. i have context now!#i should've been drawing the man with fucked up wall shadows the entire time. my god.#drawing tag#roman republic tag#catiline#Lucius Sergius Catilina#have i never. tagged him by his full name here. i should draw him more#cicero#marcus tullius cicero#marcus licinius crassus#marcus caelius rufus
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Hmmm yes.~ Symbolic Arkham Survivor drawing :]c
What could this possibly mean? 🤔🤫😁✨️💚
This took so feckin long to do oh my lord..... first mistake was have so many characters lol
#arkhamverse#lynx’s art stuff#arkham survivor au#edward nigma#the riddler#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#harvey dent#Twoface#pamela isley#poison ivy#the flying fox#the hog#gridlocke#the rascals#bruce wayne#selina kyle#dr wikkan#silva syns#arkham ocs#symbolism baby! What the fuck is going on with Foxy??? lol#oswald cobblepot#the penguin
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if people start spinning the sex-repulsed, traumatized by sex so couldn't possibly enjoy sex view with Jean Moreau I will be coming after them with knives because have you morons not learned a single fucking lesson about infantilizing SA survivors
#killing you killing you killing you#i'm asexual and an SA survivor#guess what! still not sex repulsed and still like sex!#GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES#we actually have no narrative indication that he's disgusted or repulsed by sex#there's caution around consent (like checking in on Cody) and obviously he's fucking traumatized but for the love of god let's not go to th#sex repulsed demonizing anyone who writes about jean having sex or liking sex#like please go fuck yourselves#aftg#tsc#the sunshine court#jean moreau#all for the game#personal.txt
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Someone on twitter said it best: The title should actually be "How NOT to show support for SA victims that don't fit your desired demographic."
"His character is reinforcing negative gay stereotypes" and it's a hypersexual gay man who died in the 30s struggling with addiction and drug abuse to get through his life of exploitation, repression, trafficking and ipv doused with fake glitter and glam so no one can see beneath the cracked surface of his tortured soul.
"I don't think I've ever come across a character so poorly represented yet so greatly praised by the general audience" Because Angel isn't "representation", but an actual character with his own unique struggles and issues and responses that thousands of people (inclusing myself) can deeply relate to and if not "relate" then sympathise with. He isn't "SA rep". He isn't "Gay rep". He's Angel Dust. He's a person, and a broken one at that. If you don't relate to him the way so, so many others do, then maybe it's not for you. I already hate you 💀
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#angel dust we don't fucking deserve you#i'm like 2 minutes in and i can already tell the direction this is going to go#what the fuck do you mean “he's one of the only gay characters in the show” and you're talking about HAZBIN HOTEL#the show where everyone except ONE CHARACTER is queer???#that was the third or fourth red flag to be raised in the beginning immediately followed by that second point#the weirdly homophobic undertones and clear lack of literacy people like this give off without realising is always so insane to me#normally i just ignore videos like this because it's obvious it's either in bad faith or just demonstrate very puritan views#but this topic does get me a lot cuz it shows just how people see marginalized people as monoliths and if they're unique they're “bad”#especially when the character was written by OTHER SA SURVIVORS WHAT THE HECK like who are you to discredit them#cuz they don't fit in the box of what you consider “good”?? queer characters don't always have to “represent” others. let them be people#i'm not finishing it today cuz i know i'll be so annoyed by this based on the comment section and title and points made already#but i'm very compelled to write a counter to this video and i have too much homework stacked to get sidetracked by this#another time. definitely another time#momento rambles
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(palette challenge) PINK LEMONADE OR WATERMELON FOR DELIRIS ⁉️⁉️⁉️
@oldworldwidgets — [ palette prompts ]
WATERMELON LEMONADE DELIRIS 💖💚
#💖💛💚❤#I am on my hands and knees rn#I had so much fun playing around with the colors and seeing what I could do with them#only the slightest of tweaking to the palette I wasn't vibing with one color so I made it a pale yellow#and then said fuck it and added a darker yellow as well#for you my darling we get the best of BOTH palettes combined 😈💅#this came out soooo cute and dreamyyyy#ALSO MISS DELILAH IS ALWAYS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS OKAY I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HER#just gals being pals adoringly staring into each others eyes or whatever#THANK YOU FOR THE PROMPT AUD THIS WAS PERFECT#I'm going to be eating this piece forever I can't stop looking at the girls#they deserve to be happy and the soft expressions are making my heart explode 🥺#ANYWAY#I am going to be rotating teddy and zinnie in my mind now at high speeds#ily ily ily blowing you so many kisses rn#my art#friend oc#sole survivor#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#also sobbing over the new snake patch on iris's jacket okay I've been so excited abt that one#it'll stand out more in her regular palette but aaaaa I intend it to be the same color as delilah's eyes :]
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Butcher Pete is a crazy song in universe cause what do you mean one of the 20 songs we have to listen to is a two-parter about a guy who town hops and fucks every viable and willing woman in town so well that women anticipate his appearance?
Like respect to Butcher Pete but crazy that he and the sole survivor are on the same grind set.
#idk about what you do in the commonwealth but i fuck hard#every romance option run go#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#sole survivor
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"The outer reaches of space remain unexplored by humankind to this day, but its greed is relentless. We grasp and yearn and hunger for knowledge— answers to questions we cry out into the endless void expecting to understand, expecting the stars to respond. The stars will not, but one day something else will— and we will not like what it has to say." — Rome Solomon, Beyond the Exosphere (1965)
taglist (opt in/out): @shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart, @vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman, @celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister, @killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#obscura#edit:rome#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#ok so. ok hi. red and i made a new universe hi. sorry. morris quincy victor and eleanor belong to them the rest belong to meee :3#the pictures i used are basically the patron saints of their occupation / line of work! so that's not what they look like#anyway it's a mix of paranormal stuff + lovecraftian horror + sort of zombies :^)#they're like. the domains of lucifer (demons) behemoth (zombies) and leviathan (the eldritch horrors that happen in space and oceans)#who are like. the three evils that torment the mortal realm#it's all in a historical setting kind of parallel to our world? so a bunch of historic events are the same but it's like#a little bit more advanced with technology but at the same time it's not. it's Just A Little Different y'know#rome's sister went to space for a mission and just straight up went missing which prompts him to become an astronomer#and he's the first one to start speculating the existence of leviathan as eldritch god#morris is a technician at the academy who has an angel stuck in his computer#eve is a nun and herbalist who witnesses the influence of behemoth firsthand through some sick travelers#that she and the other nuns of her convent take care of#anatoly and quincy are both from different space missions who end up as the only survivors who are not basically a plant#the other two survivors have secretly been replaced with some sort of parasites. annihilation style if you've seen that movie#eleanor is a demonologist and works together with her brother victor who's her cameraman#clarence is a blind psychic who lost her sight because of an angel trying to warn her and in return got her psychic abilities#and lazarus is one of the two most famous demonologists in the world but his wife (the other one) passed away#so now he's alone and since he's not from an upper class family like his wife was he's not all that loved as she was#there's a lot going on but it's SO fucking fun to work on so far. feel free to send any asks i would love to explain more :^)#if you've made it this far also hi i love you. kiss for you
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Just happened to see a post about the antiziganist g-slur that was honestly deeply dismissive of the idea that Irish travellers even experience discrimination at all and like. Some people really aren't Irish, huh?
#the suicide rate in the travelling community is seven times the national average#the average lifespan of travellers in ireland is decades younger than the national average#irish travellers are the group that face The most ethnic discrimation in this country#settled people routinely talk about them like they're vermin#and say that They Bring It On Themselves and it's Not Discrimation because they really Are all [X] if anyone calls them on it#travellers I know *cannot* get jobs because of their last name and their accent#they are followed in every shop they go into#there's too much to list individually but like...#please think long and hard before assuming that irish travellers are Just White People who don't face ethnic discrimation#'they weren't left to die when—'#yes they were! yes they are!#a halting site burned down *during a baptism* a few years ago and when the survivors were temporarily housed near an estate#the locals protested until they were removed!#these were people who had just lost immediate family members in a fire including a *baby*#I'm not a traveller and I try to push back against anti-traveller sentiment whenever I can#but I can count on one hand the number of settled people who don't think I'm a naive bleeding heart when I do#because I don't see that travellers are congenitally evil like they do or something#like that's the baseline here!#they are so fucking dehumanised#and it is *so* acceptable in the mainstream#it is not for me to say what slurs that will never be applied to me people can reclaim#but please do not erase the systemic and interpersonal discrimation and abuse the travelling community faces in ireland
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dead by daylight-- the game where you can play as steve harrington from stranger things, and can get sent to partake in a match of murder hide and seek at midwich elementary from silent hill, where you can then use a lute to perform bardic inspiration from dungeons and dragons to give a bonus to your teammates, except for the one who is being chased by nemesis from resident evil 3.
#dbd#thoughts about media#yes steve's jacket is bugged. it's done this before but I didn't think it'd do it again.#better than whatever the hell bug aestri has rn with her face.#girl looked like the fucking unknown.#anyway I was lagging WAY. WAY too hard to try another match for a better picture with a different skin.#I just remembered I unlocked bardic inspiration on that day my internet actually cooperated and I HAD to see steve play the lute.#it's so cute. the survivors all smile when they play. T___T I have to see gabe. claude. and nancy do this.#but I'll wait until my internet isn't getting me randomly downed by zombies.#I'm pretty sure my lag got elodie killed too so I feel kind of bad but it is also sort of funny that I wasn't even playing-#-killer and still managed to get a survivor killed.#not that I haven't done that befoooore.... or that I haven't done it deliberately in the past...#I will never forget you RPD ghostface who showed me he had the matching “I'd kill for you” heart charm to my “hooked on you” one.#and then killed a david for me when I asked him as a joke LOL. we watched his body ascend in the entity's spidery limbs together.#it was a beautifully romantic moment <3#generally speaking I am a decent survivor who will die so you can get out. like a good steve player should be.#However. if the evil man that I find sexy is nice to me? I'm so so sooo sorry for what you're going to endure if he only wants to spare me.
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Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...
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I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude
[SEVERE rambling in tags]
#ouww it hurts!! it hurts!!! this is the stuff you're supposed to leave for angst fic writers not make canon in an alt universe?? ERIK PLEASE#i hate the whole entire world right now. genuinely cannot speak to anyone normally for the next 3-4 business days.#I have no one irl to rant to about this FUCK im stranded. im quarantined. im being held against my will free meee#The irl friend i have who knows anything at all about redacted only knows freelancer s1 i cannot drop this bigass plot on them#Genuinely i might start going mad out of repression. Erik writing “hope you enjoy” in the desc as if that wasnt the most painfully torturou#experience I've ever had in my life. The fucking inevitability. I knew Echo was going to pull some shit. IM JUST GLAD VIN AND FL ARE OK#they were NOT the turning point just let them live their cabin in the woods fantasy for however long they can okay...#Also I kinda love imp!vega. not the biggest fan of prime bc of the whole child beating situation but i sure loved this guy.#really knew what he was talking about when it came to revolutions and stuff. Like he's good. no disrespect to avior but vega did good#and he was so gentle with his partner which i find more appealing than torture but that's just me. that's just me i get it#And uh. speaking of that. Imp!sam. Yeah i get why some of yall are goin wild over him and i wish i could say i shared the sentiment but hes#too scary im weak like that. when i know a bastard would simply kill me without a care im just not into that yknow? or maybe you dont#Glad we got twisted gay damihux at the end though MUAHAJAJA that's one of the only redeeming lights that kept me alive#FUCKKKK SHIT FU K SJIT DAM ASHERS ENTIRE SCENE WITH BRACJIUM GOD HELP ME. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN#he's so fucking sad!!! he just wants his husband back!!! HE WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK!!!!!!#No even I don't understand how it's possible to get this attached to characters. I don't know. Im in deep shit.#Is this the end for me? Is my life over? These are the questions I have today. I probably just need to sleep because again#it's 7:30 in the morning. but regardless. These characters mean so much to me and this silly anthology has pulled emotions out of#me that i am terrified of feeling [survivors guilt hits me right in the fucking heart] and im scared. of what? don't know#That little shit Echo was right about one thing. It may not be real but the emotional damage it caused me is real. AND IRREPARABLE#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted imperium#redacted imp!asher#redacted echo#redacted imp!vega#redacted imp!sam#redacted vindemiator#tired of tagging. hitting the pillow. good night.
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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