#the struggle is incredibly real
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So, we know that Abed is the one who invited Annie, Shirley, Pierce, and Troy to join the study group. Annie and Shirley make a lot of sense; they're both relatively friendly and clearly intelligent, it's easy to imagine either of them having brief positive interactions with Abed that would lead him to thinking of them. Pierce, while not someone I think Abed would seek out, is 100% down for inserting himself into situations. I bet he overheard Abed talking to Shirley or someone and invited himself from there. Troy, though? Troy is a little more complicated. I know that Troy and Abed are the iconic duo of all time, but it took time for that to develop. I have trouble believing that they just somehow had a good chat or something before the pilot, because in the episode Troy refers to Abed as "slumdog millionaire," which makes Shirley call him racist. I know that Troy was leaning hard into his asshole jock behavior during the beginning of season one, but I truly do not think he would say something like that if he had actually interacted with Abed. We know that Troy thinks incredibly highly of Abed once he gets to know him, and that his adoration is what pulls Troy out of his shitty high school persona. Even if he wasn't immediately able to acknowledge that he aspired to be more like Abed, he wouldn't be casually dismissing him like that if they'd ever really interacted. So, this leads me to the only possible conclusion: Abed just had a stupid crush on Troy from day one and wanted an excuse to spend more time with him outside of class. Abed might pride himself on his objective observational powers, but even he isn't perfectly logical. He'd probably tell himself that it's because a jock archetype would round out the ensemble cast dynamic, but in reality Abed is not in fact immune to Pretty Boy.
#this post is brought to you by my desire to see more appreciation for all the ways in which abed fails to live up to his supposed perfection#like i love that everyone in the show and the fandom just agrees that (like jeff says in the pilot) “abed is better”#but let's be real he's not actually above his emotions#i simply like the idea of him actually being in deeper denial than troy#because even though abed is aware of his feelings as a factor he thinks he can control them#whereas troy never even pretends that he can be normal about abed#give me more representation for abed being incredibly down bad and struggling to convince himself that it's actually about the narrative#community#nbc community#community tv show#troy barnes#abed nadir#troy and abed#trobed
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ive had this in my brain for like. two weeks. What If....
#what if he had a lil heart patch on his chest huh... what then...#smh howdy is Struggling#his internal dialogue is 100% 'be normal be normal be normal be fucking normal-'#he is Restraining Himself from reachin out and touching the patch#howdy - in a high pitched voice: wow thats uhhh thats real neat barn so neat incredible neat-o#scribble salad#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#howdy x barnaby#AGH THEY MAKE ME SO#*slams head into a wall* ok im normal again sorry#HAHA PSYCH THEY MAKE ME FUCKING INSANE#literally one of my first thoughts when seeing barnaby#was 'what spots are under the vest? Ohhh Is There A Heart Over His Heart???'#surprised ive never scribbled it before now! idk! the power of laughingstock!
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call buffyverse the bermuda triangle because no ship made it out of that shit alive. no marriage finale, no kids, no epilogue. the ideal ending for me where it's just a whole bunch of exes and dead exes in a world where people are constantly coming back to life. multidimensional divorce FOREVER.
#sorry i'm like one of those conservatives obsessed with a particular idea of traditional heterosexual marriage but it's for divorce#to be clear i'm not talking about real divorce just like the people obsessed with Marriage are not actually talking about real marriages#but the IDEA they think it represents#real life is largely too boring and variable to talk about in sweeping terms#but i think the IDEA that two people once in love can fall out of it. unevenly. wretchedly. for the worse. is beautiful.#me watching buffyverse: wow these people are terrible to each other not because they're 'evil' but because they're incredibly human.#hedgehog's dilemma.... just like in my animes....#no resolution!! only the Struggle of Living forever!!!#whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo#buffyposting#btvs
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Hi! Your Hollow Knight AU has really cheered me up so I wanted to do a little drawing for it! This got me to get my art tablet out after months of not feeling like it so thank you for the inspiration! I hope the colors look good on any monitor that's not mine sdfsdf
Bugs In the Jingshi wyd?
I am so genuinely awestruck at how well you translated this AU to the hollow knight style! Also obsessed with the height difference.
#mdzs au#hollow knight#lan wangji#wei wuxian#fanart#Thank you so much for this B'*)#This is *so* incredible!! I feel incredibly honoured to have inspired something so beautiful!#I showed this asap to my friend who's been letting me observe their hollow knight playthrough and oh man oh man. The hype was real.#The colours have the Hollow Knight gloomy swag and the way that this looks like it could be an area in the game is soooooo good.#Thinking about the bug sounds they would make.....Peace and love on earth could be achieved with lwj hollowspeak....#I hope you keep finding fun things to draw!! Your art has continuously brought a lot of joy!#I very much understand the pain and struggle of having a craft you just...cant seem to get your heart back into.#Sending you so much love and energy and artistic inspiration!!!!#(lwj has the wrong eye shape b/c I was too focused on getting the silly angle for dramatic perspective. whoops)#I have honestly loved doing this AU and I'm fiercely happy that its been resonating with people (as it makes me want to do more hehe)
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to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)
#ray's tag#keys' art#undescribed#skeletons#ok to reblog#the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr!#so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear#(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing#that i've ever drawn)#anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav#it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it#that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it.#often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to#especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently#it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow#my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints#but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us)#i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts.#so i put it into a spotlight.#ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients#I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i#a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie#especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones#we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone#or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare#so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone#will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay#we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it#(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont#actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)
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natlan 5.1 was batshit insane but i won't deny cookery when i see it. last 1/3 of the archon quest is just brilliantly done in my opinion, from writing to level design to soundtrack. just genuine excellence
#sev.screams#natlan#the character centric parts were rather weak to me#ororon has an intriguing arc but i don't care enough about him to care about the arc#similarly i only felt a surface level investment with a lot of the other main cast; though funnily enough excluding citlali#she's a breath of fresh air amongst the cast and i really enjoyed her screentime#there are a lot of story decisions in this quest that i'm impressed and glad hoyo decided to take; it adds a layer of realism to natlan tha#was missing in inazuma and ultimately i believe was the reason inazuma flopped as a nation#there is real tangible weight in the things that happen in natlan; i felt moved by the story and i think that's the hallmark of a good stor#i hope in the next archon quest they don't undo or undermine these decisions in any way. they truly contributed so much to the overall tone#of the story that to remove them would be like taking the legs out from underneath it#writing aside the environmental storytelling and level design also contributed so much to crafting the atmosphere of this quest#it felt gut wrenching in a way inazuma never did. for even the briefest moment these npcs were people and you were watching them struggle#a poignant beautiful desperate struggle that i think is so incredibly human and both moving and heartbreaking to witness#also helped by the exquisite ost. hoyomix has certainly not lost their touch even with yu peng chen gone#despair hope triumph relief; all captured so wonderfully in a score i know i will be listening to for the next few weeks once it drops#i'm rambling so much but. i liked this a lot and i can only hope hoyo sticks the landing on this one#i hate having high expectations but i can't help it for this one i fear
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anyone else having to go through fhjy at a snail's pace bc every time there's a teacher-student interaction (even the positive ones!) you want to set something on fire because of how much you hate high school and american academic culture and it throws you back to the Bad Old Days of actually being in high school, but also you really like fantasy high and you really like the characters and their story and the players and the way they're exploring & critiquing the US school system and basically everything about the show but actually watching it makes your brain explode?
#dimension 20#d20#fhjy#fantasy high junior year#original post#look every time porter comes on screen i lowkey have a rage blackout#my hyperempathetic ass needs to watch recaps or read the transcripts or something#its too goddamn much#bc fantasy high has never actually been about like. the academics#but now that it is and now that aguefort is functioning more as a prestigious private school than as a lawless wasteland#its actually bringing back memories of me being in high school. the bad ones.#so its like. it turns out that the thing i liked about fantasy high was that it wasn't actually high school as i remember it#look i think what they're doing this season is genius#brennan is the perfect person to tackle this kind of topic#and each character has a different struggle that is both unique and yet resonates with the real world#and academic trauma is incredibly underdiscussed and i love that d20 has the guts to address it#i just need to take 3-5 business days to process every like. hour of content#so. we'll see how long it takes me to finish it
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honestly it doesn't bug me that Jerry Seinfeld is bad at acting because the other main cast of Seinfeld are so good, Jerry's acting becomes a joke in and of itself.
#The three of them maintain the emotional immersion#Jerry's incredibly one-note acting is amusing but its not enough to overpower the costars and make the show feel fake#yknow???#Anyway. Jerry can do like. 2 emotions convincingly#mild social discomfort and mild amusement#legit his amused+disapproving reaction to his friends' bullshit usually (Elaine or George) is when the character feels most real#that and when he is trying to hide some mid / insulting opinion from a gf#On an in-universe note; it's VERY funny to imagine that Jerry is just an incredibly odd man#Always reacting as if amused on some level; speaks in a highpitch monotone whenever upset#Gives delightful autism vibes tbh#A guy who struggles with / cant do neurotypical emotional expression#He learned to be funny in order to be accepted socially (even turned it into a profit!)#but the catch is that this comedy-oriented mask is the only form of external emotional expression he knows how to do#'why arent you taking this seriously' 'istg i AM i just communocate exclusively thru jokes regardless of how i feel. yeah its a whole thing'#seinfeld#oh no she's writing headcanons abt the silly show#jerry seinfeld#my words#seinfeld thoughts
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Played Elden Ring for way too long tonight, but after beating about 6 bosses, I think I've finally proven to myself that I can play the game---
#spazzcat barks#elden ring#finished a really sad quest about a man and his daughter who he forsook for duty#then i kicked his ass and stole his halberd#the desire to write elden ring fanfic grows ever stronger#beat a few of the bosses on my first try which was awesome :3#current least favorite enemies are the night rider guys#the dudes on the black shrouded horses that only spawn at night??#maybe im just bad at horseback combat but i was so tired of that idiot kicking me off my horse#i struggled with them more than i struggled with the Tree Sentinel#the big golden horseback guy in the starting area#the night riders are a lot more agile and evasive and fight a lot more like the player does#[eg running in real quick and hitting and running away again]#incredibly frustrating dudes#anyway roommate has been laughing at me while i play lol#just long periods of silence followed by a whispered 'ah. fuq.' when i die#and occasionally long periods of silence followed by 'no dont do it dont do it dont-- ah.'#or the highlight of the evening#when i died to the crucible knight for the 10th time#a long scream followed by a whispered 'awh. but i want your stuff :(.“
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plsss don't interact with fanfic from people who
1 steal fanart they plaster on their fic
2 use AI generated images/drawings to get notes
#1 that's stealing. do u know how much time and effort goes into art#you dont. if you did you wouldnt be stealing fanart#2 ai takes away support from real genuine incredible HUMAN artists that are struggling enough as it is in this age of content over fandom#im not sure when people forgot about this part of fandom ettiquette#its so messed up#just dont take something that isnt yours#krant
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Going to the mall as I am now (kinda punky/extremely autistic) is kinda funny like. That's a nice shirt. However, it's not one of my thousand beloved black graphic t shirts and it is such a texture and kind of a weird shape to it and honestly I don't really wanna buy any sort of fast fashion type shit or brand shit. Don't care. Oh they have patches. Kinda cute but straight up I can just make those. In fact, I would prefer to. Don't care. Also I'm not buying that.
#i've kind of become a very hard person to please but it's deceptive. in both directions#what i really want is materials. and incredibly specific things.#also just. something about the patches that were designs/artwork like. i feel like i'm being sold an aesthetic#when like. yeah. yeah you are quite literally LMFAOOOOOO#i wanna start a for real battle jacket.... a sturdy but lightweight enough vest for daily wear...#i have a vest but it's flimsy as fuck and not the right shape for me. so i think i'll scrap it for patches#i still gotta figure out how to make nice patch designs though. that is something i struggle w for some reason#but like. i'm not buying mall patches LMFAOOO like. idk it almost feels insulting#idk idk maybe i'm taking it too seriously LMFAO but it does feel like brazen commodification#of something that's like. you're supposed to do it yourself. kinda goes against the whole point#ideologically too. but again maybe i'm just too serious about it.#but like above all i don't want Things i want stuff to make things.#OH MY GOD I GOT IT. those fucking patches were the live laugh love of people who want the aesthetic and edge of punk#but none of the roughness. none of the shittiness. and none of the actual philosophy behind it.#gooooddddddddd i probably sound insufferable though LMFAOOO#i also just feel like a poser myself at times like. i could go deeper i think.#anyways. most important thing and whole point of the trip was manga. got some manga 👍🫡
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.
#uh oh i am#feeling very much not like a real person today#just incredibly anxious for no reason i know of#like my body's still in hyper go mode but i mean#this is my first day off in 5 days so maybe thats in?#like i cant convince myself to relax or that i dont have something im pressed for time to do#and im just so tired#and its creating this weird space where i feel Iike im existing a little to the left of reality#the wind is warm and the sky outside is an expanse of blue with crested clouds but i cant take it in#attention span is all over the place#going from like sad to happy to The Longing to feeling left out of my own life#what the fuck brain can i just have#one normal day when im at home BLEASE#i wanted to write today! but even when im sitting still its like im floating#caspost#tbd#sorry i don't mean to complain i feel like ive been doing that alot lately#i am the captain of the struggle bus and its careening into traffic#my mind has the mouth feel of pop rocks and the look of tv static
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taking a little break from writing for a few days to cool down the brain but first... yaad&thistle au fic preview under the cut. this is clocking in at 12k atm, i haven't finished drafting all the scenes yet, but i am deeply enjoying this one.
#context: yaad Attempts Diplomacy. thistle finds this offensive. curses him to be an old man in a petty fit.#(side note thistle here is sort of in between his pre-dungeon self and his far-gone dungeon lord self)#however in this au he's in exile and trying to curry favor with delgal which means playing nice with his grandson#so now he's like ah shit that was. random. <3 i can undo it <33 you didnt tell grandpa about this did you#yaad should get a little fed up as an old man. as a treat#they're incredibly fun to write so far... the thing is they do resonate on a similar wavelength once they reach a point of civility#theyve got this shared Servant Of The People mentality it's just a matter of finding common ground wrt how to effectively go about that#thistle runs the world but yaad governs it too (delgal is um. comatose) so. figure it out. chop chop#once they do hit that stride though it's like unclogging your windpipe. kind of nice#that aside their experiences and struggles overlap sm it's so ripe for exploration#lots of scenes discussing Adult Matters while playing house like kids with dolls#not rlly knowing how to make sense of their lives and the world around them bc they have no healthy/Real frame of reference#(psychological trauma?? in MY golden country??? it's normal to constantly dissociate but okay)#but knowing for certain that they have Obligations and duties to fulfill... theyre doing their best your honor#i'm such a thistle & yaad shill rn i think i mightve come off as a hater in another post but oughh they are Everything#anyway tangent over i just needed to yap a bunch before my 2 day break shfjkhkf#roomba writes#dungeon meshi fic#thistle & yaad#thistle#yaad
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he‘s so…!!!!!!!
#he recognised me when i walked past him on the street this morning 🥺#he was so fucking nice again ughghhhg 😭😭😭😭😭#also can i just say. props to me for having a steady hand this time!! and i wasn’t talking nonsense!! i used real words and actual grammar!#geoffrey streatfeild#tsfs#also the play was SO. FUCKING. CAMP.#incredible#and once again he played a gay man without realising it (while being the most un-camp person on stage)#'sir peter‘s in the closet' YEAH HE SURE IS#peter/oliver? yeah they were a thing#good night#ALSO i‘m glad i‘m not the only one who has tilted cap syndrome#thank you sir for validating my struggle 🫡🙏#my face
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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I hate rich people and no I’m not just talking about billionaires
#‘the ruling class has won if we’re all being pitted against each other!!’#sure but i have to actually deal with moderately rich people in real life and they are absolutely evil people#im not mad at people for living comfortably and having nice things and experiences. everyone should have that#im mad at people for claiming they are the poorest people in the world while they live in giant houses and don’t have jobs#and go on international vacations every month and add additions onto their house just for funsies#I hate people who have a million times more than I could ever dream of and yet act like it’s my fault for not having more#if me never being able to dream of living comfortably is my fault for having tattoos#then I’m allowed to hate you for not having to experience any problems or scarcity and having luxuries handed to you#rant inspired by my father bc he described the very detail renovation he’s getting next#and his big vacation next week. and in the same breath called my mom lazy for having been denied for Medicaid#that is evil. he is evil. yes he counts as rich and yes I’m allowed to hate people like him even if he isn’t personally ruining the world#yes these people have completely different lives than me. I do not have to pretend they aren’t incredibly privileged#sorry I don’t feel bad that people like that can only afford to go to Italy and the Bahamas and not Also Alaska this month#they don’t have to have compassion for peoples actual struggles so actually no I don’t have to put myself in their shoes#I fucking wish I could relate to a fraction of the ‘problems’ these people have#we are not the same. and I would never want to be like these people but yes I am jealous of the peace and leisure rich people have#mine#txt#vent post
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