#just incredibly anxious for no reason i know of
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Read a comment bashing lwj...
This is a very long rant about why I love lan wangji's character and why I think his behavior towards Wei Wuxian pre-sunshot campaign make sense. Some events I talk about might be out of order, because I'm rambling. Spoilers for scenes from Audio drama, cdrama, and the other mdzs canons.
So I accidentally read a comment bashing lwj and it made me so mad. Mostly because I found it incredibly inaccurate in interpreting his actions and his relationship with WWX. I can understand not liking LWJ just because his personality isn't one everyone would click with, but hating on him for inaccurate assessment of his character?! It feels like an injustice. So I'm going to share why his character is so fascinating to me, and why his actions make sense.
LWJ is one of my favorite characters for a reason, and there's a reason WWX likes this guy. Was LWJ's behavior as a teen towards wwx dumb? Yes. He was a teenager, lashing out because he had all these feelings and he was scared of being like his parents and scared of the idea that the things he'd been taught about the world was wrong, and he was angry because he couldn't control anything or make it align with that worldview, and he was so full of attraction and fascination and desire that frightened him, because the world and his clan had taught him it was wrong. And it was all happening because of this beautiful, bright boy, who wouldn't obey any of the rules LWJ had been taught made someone "good", but who was somehow so good anyway (which he learns from the Waterborne Abyss incident, when WWX rescues Su She). LWJ has been thrown into a hormonal, existential chaos.
He's never learned to communicate because he's never had a single friend in his life, and he hadn't had anyone to teach him all the ways love could be good, could be healthy, could be a blessing. Only that it was a sin, and that he was bad to have those feelings. He hadn't had anyone to teach him how to manage his emotions in a healthy way, or how to trust his own sense of right and wrong even over what others told him.
And here's this boy, who laughs at, disregards, disrespects LWJ's home and the wisdom he's been taught to look up to all his life. His clan's history and methods. And he's so beautiful, but it feels like this boy is laughing at him. And this boy is so charming, and every time he flirts or is friendly he must be making fun of LWJ because no one has ever teased him like this, or treated him in such a friendly way. Of course WWX doesn't actually want to be friends, or isn't really flirting. He has so many other friends, why would he want to be friends with LWJ? He just wants to get out of punishment, or be entertained. And he likes girls, so of course his flirting with LWJ is only to make fun.
And LWJ feels so vulnerable when WWX flirts, because he wants WWX to look at him and call him handsome, and maybe he's scared WWX sees that. So of course he's going to ignore him, avoid him. Of course he's going to respond with "Shameless!" and "Boring!" He thinks WWX is making fun of him. He thinks WWX is going to hurt him, if LWJ softens. And these emotions are so strong. What if they grow out of control, to the point his love becomes something that poisons, stifles, or hurts? That's a recipe for textbook anxious avoidant attachment style right there (I would know lol i am also this way).
And No wonder he reacted so strongly to the spring book prank. I think bro felt terrified/furious WWX had perceived, in some way, his own desires. And thought WWX was making fun of him. To me, this hits a lot more strongly in the cdrama, especially as the spring book cdrama!WWX used was of the cut-sleeve variety.
And when WWX knocks him over the wall, so sure LWJ will reveal that he's just like the rest of GusuLan, who just want to have rules to feel morally superior over others, enforcing them selectively but not applying them if it suits them (see: LQR) LWJ is determined to prove him wrong, and takes punishment along WWX for being outside the walls after curfew. And here's where WWX's (more negative) opinion of LWJ's character begins to change. He sees that LWJ is genuine in his desire to do good, to be morally righteous. And that makes LWJ stand out against so much of the rest of the cultivation world.
But LWJ still thinks WWX is teasing him maliciously, even when WWX announces that his opinion of LWJ has changed and he wants to be friends. LWJ is still heavily on guard, and again, WWX is approaching him when LWJ feels very vulnerable, given he's undressed in the cold spring, and WWX is also getting undressed in the cold spring. And then WWX says he'll introduce LWJ to girls. Again: he's vulnerable, feeling wrong, feeling made fun of, so he pulls away.
I don't think LWJ really starts to let down his guard until after WWX brings him the rabbits as a gift. Because WWX brought them, and even if he felt vulnerable and teased during that exchange, they were still a gift, proof that WWX had thought of him outside of just their exchanges during WWX's punishment. It is a much kinder feeling of being perceived than the spring book was.
And then WWX is kicked out of lectures, and LWJ doesn't see him again until indoctrination, but even though he was hoping-not-hoping with WWX gone the feelings would fade, instead he writes a love song because he can't get WWX out of his head. All his pulling away and guarding himself seems to be for naught. In the audio drama (the lotus seed pod extra) he even goes to a lotus pond to pick the seed pods with the stems attached because he missed WWX and was thinking about the things he'd shared about his home. He wanted to know about the things WWX liked, the things WWX experienced in his home, even if he wasn't brave enough to go to Lotus Pier directly. [EDIT: It was pointed out that this extra appeared first in the novel.]
And then there's the Discussion Conference, where WWX pulls off LWJ's forehead ribbon. I imagine this event caused LWJ to feel humiliated, ashamed, angry, (and even more horrifyingly to LWJ, pleased on some level that it was WWX) and exposed in front of the entire cultivation society. It might not "seem like a big deal" to a lot of fans because to us it's just a strip of fabric no matter how symbolic, but in this case it is very important that we imagine the gravity of this to understand where LWJ is coming from. For better understanding I would compare it to a lot of modern spiritual practices that use clothing in similar symbolic ways, and we would never want to disrespect someone by disrespecting that clothing, even if it is not a practice we personally follow. And WWX pulling the ribbon off in front of pretty much everyone (many of whom went to lectures at Cloud Recesses), including LWJ's own clan, who understand perfectly what it meant that WWX did that? Mortifying. And then his own clan reassures him that "it doesn't count" because WWX is a man, which must have been really invalidating to LWJ in its own way. So any progress on the friendship front/ideas of softening his guard on LWJ's part is gone. Toast.
And then his home has been burnt to the ground, his brother in hiding, and his leg broken. It's no surprise he's going to spurn WWX at indoctrination. He's grieving, stressed out more than he's ever been, in so much pain. LWJ probably feels really overwhelmed, overstimulated, and unsafe. He just cannot deal with All the Emotions About Wei Wuxian on top of that, and how would he even begin to tell WWX what had happened? He'd prefer to just avoid, avoid, avoid. (In the cdrama, I think he's also trying to distance himself so WWX won't draw the attention of WC.) And when WWX flirts with Mianmian, LWJ has had it up to here. He has no idea WWX is just trying to get medicine for him. And when WWX wants to carry him, the last thing LWJ probably wants is to be vulnerable with wwx in this very unsafe situation, where the Wens are constantly looking for weakness. So he brushes him off.
Then in the cave, LWJ is one of the first (along with JZX to resist the Wens and protect Mianmian. And then he stays behind with WWX and pushes him out of the way of the Xuanwu to get bitten instead. That speaks volumes about his character.
And then there's the whole debacle where LWJ is furious about the branding scar. I know he's of course jealous about the whole Mianmian thing, and WWX trying to lighten the mood/distract LWJ the way he distracts the Jiang siblings by going on about being a dashing hero protecting a maiden, but that just pisses LWJ off more, and I believe it's because LWJ is mad that WWX is treating the matter so lightly, because to him, love and devotion and self-sacrifically pushing people out of the way of danger is so powerful it feels like he's drowning, and WWX is over here like "haha she'll always remember me isn't that nice" and "it doesn't matter that i got hurt because it would have hurt her worse bc of beauty/reputation/the consequences of a woman losing her beauty" (which, kudos to WWX for understanding the ways women are affected by patriarchy, and beauty as a form of power/a tool for a future)
But LWJ is over here, viciously reminded he's not special and WWX would help and flirt with anyone and (seemingly) not think twice about it. Another thought process he could be having could be: but you got hurt. and that is unacceptable, and I hate that you're trying to say it like it is acceptable, bc it's like you don't care, and I care so much it feels like it could kill me. (I'm extrapolating a bit about this thought process here, but it seems plausible enough to me)
And then there's the whole thing where earlier WWX had made LWJ gay-panic hard enough to spit up blood, and then promptly reassured him he doesn't like guys. LWJ didn't need this on top of all the stress, and WWX just took off his headband to make a splint again, and so its presence isn't there to press him into restraint, and now the Mianmian thing, all the stress and adrenaline just come crashing down and bro just can't take it anymore and bites WWX bc maybe he he's mad that WWX has made the impact of a meteor strike in his life and it seems like WWX doesn't take more than a passing thought to those he impacts so deeply. So in all his deep and torrential emotions, bro is just like "I'll make you remember, even just a little bit, the way I remember you." I think in any other circumstance, LWJ wouldn't have lashed out in this way. It took so much for him to reach this point. Should he have bitten WWX? No. Do I understand why he did? Yeah.
And then LWJ tells WWX about Cloud Recesses and cries, for obvious reasons.
And so to call his behavior "abuse" towards WWX at any point in this timeline makes literally no sense at all (though unfortunately that was what the comment called it), and it tore me up to think about it. This is a very long post, and I have a lot to say about LWJ's actions during and post sunshot, but I'm tired so I'll just leave this here. Feel free to share your insights and what you love about LWJ's character. Also, if you have fic recs for favorite LWJ characterizations, please share! I'd love to read them.
TL;DR - Lwj's behavior and treatment of WWX pre-sunshot makes sense in context of his pov. He's flawed, but that's what makes him such a great character, and I love him for good reason.
#the untamed#lan wangji#wei wuxian#cql#mdzs#wangxian#chen qing ling#lan zhan#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji my beloved#character analysis#mdzs donghua#cloud recesses study arc#xuanwu cave
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I'm a huge fan of your writing, I basically binged all of your content on AO3 and was very excited to find out that you also have a Tumblr! The way you write Silco is just *chef kiss* the perfect amount of that cold calculating dominating presence that he exudes mixed with the softer side of him that we've seen with Jinx that we can reasonably assume he would show to his other loved ones and those most important to him.
Anyways not sure if you're taking ideas, if not then either ignore this part or just enjoy the idea for what it is *shrugs* but I just can not get this idea out of my head, basically reader is a tailor who has kind of made a small name for herself with her work and Silco just so happens to need a new tailor. When he catches word of her and her work he takes a visit to her shop or summons her for a consultation. Of course anyone who is anyone knows of Silco so when reader either sees him enter her shop or is sent to his office she is immediately intimidated but also can't deny how ridiculously attractive he is. Of course Silco being Silco immediately picks up on this and being the smug bastard that he is when reader is hesitant to take his measurements because of the close and intimate proximity she would need to do so she's like damn he's attractive but also if I fuck this up I might die...I can just picture him toying with her and teasing her in that very Silco way of his and saying things like "what's the matter? I don't bite", ect.
I'm sorry this message got so long winded, and also sorry if this is a bother, but I just had to let you know how phenomenal your writing is and also couldn't help but share my idea as well. Anyways I hope you have an amazing night and I look forward to your other work!
Aaahhh thank you so much my sweet one! <3 <3 <3 I'm so glad you enjoyed my stories - writing Silco is sooo much fun. He's such a nuanced character and makes for an absolutely delicious plaything.
And thank you for the fic thoughts! I'm absolutely rubbish at fulfilling requests and suggestions but every single one that lands in my ask box gets some Inky brain-time - even if nothing comes of it. I love the idea of a tailor reader – there's so much potential for intimate, sensual moments of tension – and it's your lucky day because @silcoitus already has you covered! When they're not lusting after this crusty old man Coi is also an incredible cosplayer, so they really know their stuff when it comes to sewing and tailoring. Tailor-Made Fic Masterlist below! Happy reading lovely <3
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#uh oh i am#feeling very much not like a real person today#just incredibly anxious for no reason i know of#like my body's still in hyper go mode but i mean#this is my first day off in 5 days so maybe thats in?#like i cant convince myself to relax or that i dont have something im pressed for time to do#and im just so tired#and its creating this weird space where i feel Iike im existing a little to the left of reality#the wind is warm and the sky outside is an expanse of blue with crested clouds but i cant take it in#attention span is all over the place#going from like sad to happy to The Longing to feeling left out of my own life#what the fuck brain can i just have#one normal day when im at home BLEASE#i wanted to write today! but even when im sitting still its like im floating#caspost#tbd#sorry i don't mean to complain i feel like ive been doing that alot lately#i am the captain of the struggle bus and its careening into traffic#my mind has the mouth feel of pop rocks and the look of tv static
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does someone mind writing with me this morning? I’ve got a doctors appointment later on and I really anxious, so I’d like something to take my mind off it if possible,
#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . AUTHOR OF THE STARS ❝ ooc. ❞#It was a problem I went there for about 4ish months ago and everything cleared up#but it’s recently come back again and I’m just rlly scared 😭#I hate going to the doctors for literally anything so hhhhh#I know it’s gonna be nothing but my brain can’t help but make me so incredibly anxious for no reason
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i miss doing theatre
#every day of my damn life#in theory it shouldnt even be hard to start again because we're famiky friends with the director of our theatre group...#except. im kind of scared of the director. and most of the people that do it <-because of reasons#actually that sounds bad its just because i was an incredibly socially awkward and anxious child so they scared me#mainky because they were all Friends With My Dad or Friends With My Sister#i just want to do tech but even that is scary because again. the director scares me u_u#and also last time i did anything there i was. a gIrl#and also 12#i dont even know if there are any other theatre groups besides mine near me#besides like#Professional ones#<-which doesnt mean anything mines technically a church theatee but the directors are literally ex broadway directors LMAO#sammy used to play for one of tje real house wives#i miss doing it so much though.....
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i've been putting off a very big and important task for weeks and i got it half done within an hour this morning and not only was it easy, i liked doing it. it was fun. 🤦♀️
#it's the results and discussion part of my dissertation in case anyone is wondering#it needs to be 3000 words and i got to 1500 incredibly easily this morning. because. you know. i already did the study.#like i already did all the research and collected the data and wrote the literature review and methodology.#all i have to do is fucking write down what happened in the study. I also already did all the data coding and charts!#and i picked a topic that i like doing and think is interesting#so why does it always have to be like pulling teeth with me? I just did not fucking want to do it for no reason#adhd#adhd problems#i've been anxious about not getting it done in time when i could (and will) have it done in a single day 🙄
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(same anon) you just seem so neat but you have a group of friends already and i'm just as bad at people-ing :3 and i'd love to reach out but i'd hate to not be cool enough :(
I'm pleased to inform you that I only made this group of friends because I grabbed our favorite characters and made them kiss, and they clapped happily, so the good news is I did nothing super exceptional besides just pelting shippy GIFs and screencaps at them like grenades dshjkf ❤️ And that even then, I am equally intimidated by them because I think they're all glorious people.
Friendships are scary! Opening yourself up and being vulnerable and risking rejection is scary no matter how many times we do it. So I hear you.
Let me do this. Consider this a blanket invitation to the discord server I met a lot of them in! Here's a link to one of the posts by the lovely co-mods that should have a permanent invite open.
It's not a super crowded space, and we're all just there to wail over our favorite characters and ships and episodes together. In the past couple of days, we've had a good four, five, six new people pop in, so you'd be in lovely company with other people also trying to find their own footing rather than just being the New Kid. Lurking is totally a viable thing to do too.
AND if you happen to already be in it, then the good news is that you know what a nerd I am, and we already have a place to connect, and there's already other people in there who'd love to connect too!!
And for what it's worth, it took me a month to ask for an invitation to the server because I am Socially Anxious, so. If you need time to come find your way in, that's also cool too, and take all the time you need!
#fun remy backstory is that i've been put up on a pedestal a number of times in the past for being Too Cool#and so i always get a little alarmed when it happens and just try to throw multiple possible friends at people so that there's always a vib#even if for whatever reason my autistic socially anxious ass happens to not be the one#so please know the server invitation is incredibly genuine and i really do feel super lovely and happy there#my ramblings
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ignore this post i’m just whining again
#i HATE being new with a passion like it is one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in#i had extreme social anxiety as a kid (still do i’ve just learned how to manage it better) that had a huge impact on me in school#i switched schools 3 times between the ages of 5 and 10 and tbh i made friends pretty quickly every time#but i was still so indescribably anxious every time bc i just hated being the new kid so much#and i thought that was all behind me bc at the time it was bc i didn’t know anyone and everyone else already had friends#but as i’ve gotten older that same feeling has come back and this time it’s when i’m starting at a new job instead of a new school#i started working when i was 16 and for the first month or two i was so stressed and uncomfortable all the time#and i thought it was normal bc it was my first job ever#which was reinforced when i was 19 and got another job and the adjustment period was a million times better#but i started working there 2 weeks after the business opened so literally everyone was new not just me#and now i’m realizing that was probably the only reason i settled in so easily#bc now i’ve started another job and i’m right back to feeling incredibly anxious whenever i’m there and it’s driving me crazy#like everything’s been super easy so far and it’s the exact same type of work i was doing before so i already know what i’m doing#and everyone i’ve met has been nice and chill but i’m still so uncomfortable#like every time i talk to my coworkers i’m just thinking ‘oh my god this is so awkward’ the whole time and i can’t stop#and i just feel so out of place and it sucks bc i was so excited about this job and rn i just feel so anxious every time i go to work#and the worst part is i felt the same way when i was new at my first job and (to a lesser extent) my second job#so logically i know it’s just bc it’s my first week and it takes time to adjust and it’ll be fine eventually#but knowing that doesn’t make the feeling go away or help me deal with it#like what can i do besides just accepting that work is going to suck for the next month??#the whole thing is just kind of making me spiral bc i desperately needed a new job and this is literally the only one i wanted#but at the same time i’m still so upset about getting laid off from my last job even though it’s been 3 months#and the more anxious i feel at this new job the more i miss my old job#and i cannot allow myself to fall back into the headspace i was in for all of march after losing that job#maybe this is irrational bc it was just a job but the layoff genuinely sent me into one of the worst depressive episodes of my life#so idk i guess i was just really hoping i would love this job right away so i could finally see a bright side to getting laid off#and i mean i don’t have any complaints about the job so far but my anxiety is just making me so unhappy anyway#and i just miss my old job so much and i think about it nonstop and i really fucking hate being new and idk what else to say or do#vent#lj.txt
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// just a rant in the tags please ignore lol
#//so after all the shit with my new workplace and the stress this week from my new manager#they've just invited me to the 2.5 day 'retreat' they try to make all the new starters go to#//If I'm not accepting (which I'm not)#- because being in the middle of nowhere - when I can't drive and am unable to escape - with people I don't know - having to share#facilities - cook with other people and generally not get a restbite from others is my literal idea of hell#like ask me#what does hell look like for you laura#it would be a cabin in the middle of nowhere with people I don't know - forced fun and 'team building' excersizes - no public transport for#miles and having to take bullshit 'personality' tests to 'help understand a companies values and bullshit agendas'#so now I'm INCREDIBLY anxious because in order to not accept I have to email like eight different people with my reasons#the reason is simple#I'm autistic - I have anxiety and depression - I'm introverted and I HATE these stupid sorts of bullshit events#I've already got a pretty good idea of the companies culture and values I've been here four weeks and also I've read all your policies and#been to all the stupid talks#it's a literal fucking data entry job#I literally do a job a relatively intelligent monkey could do#why tf do I have to sell my soul to do it#just let me do my work and leave me alone#I can already see how the email chain is going to go#I'm going to state my reason - too which I'll get told well I really should be going and how do I know if I don't try it and we have things#in place for ND people#which#no you don't#and then I'm going to get treated like a kid that doesn't know her own mind rather than a 33 year old woman who knows her own brain inside#out because she's spent the last 19 years trying to figure out just wtf is wrong with her and has recently found out#I can't rant to my other half about this - not because he won't understand - he hated his but because I just don't want to put it on him
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My Sweet Valentine - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots
Summary: Delayed in planning Valentine's Day, you and Wanda try to do something together. The spider routine ends up getting in the way, but that doesn't mean the date was lost.
Warnings: (+18) bottom!wanda, enchanted strap, creampie, fingering, dry humping, very fluff and domestic, established relationship, both r and w are briefly specified to be introverted. | Words: 3.206k
A/N-> I had this idea while I was rewatching Sound!Euphonium, I didn't catch the relation to it but I ended up writing this on my phone again so forgive me if there are spelling mistakes. It's always great writing Spider!Reader, I hope you enjoy it.
General Masterlist | AO3 |
-&-
To plan Valentine's Day with your girlfriend should be an easy thing.
But for two Avengers who happen to be the most introverted antisocial people on earth - and those were Natasha's Romanoff words, not yours - the task could be really hard.
But it was you and Wanda's first Valentine's Day as a couple and you were really late on schedule.
While Natasha planned to have the most incredible and romantic trip to Greece with Maria and Tony and Pepper made reservations at some exclusive fancy Italian restaurant, you and Wanda were side to side laying on your apartment carpet. Trying to decide what you could do together by reading some flyers that were spread around the floor.
Wanda had one of the fancy restaurants in her hands when she suggested: “How about dinner?”
You gaze at the restaurant propaganda, recognizing the name and the building from your little web-swinging adventures.
“The Geller’s is nice but it will be really crowded during Valentine's. And we both hate when places are too full.” You reason, receiving an agreement sound. “Maybe we can ask for takeout?”
Wanda chuckles. “On Valentine's Day? Every place will mess up our orders, I'm sure of it. Places are normally understaffed, ordering food on holidays is like asking for them to mess up your food.”
You sigh deeply. “Yeah, you're totally right. So, maybe I can cook?”
She smiles. “We are going for food poisoning then, huh?” She teases making you chuckle with an expression of false offense. You playfully bumped your shoulder on hers but you don't move away after. The touch is warm and nice. “You cook then.”
“Yeah, but is not like we would find any free spots anywhere. We delay this way too much.” She mutters without sounding really upset. Her words were true, you both have been dancing around this date for almost three months now ever since Tony showed everyone his and Pepper's reservations. But neither of you was that anxious to be locked with another hundred couples in some loud restaurant with extra expensive and not-that-good food.
The restaurants were not the only thing discarded - Yelena and Kate's idea of a date, and band concerts were also politely declined. Mostly because neither you nor Wanda felt like facing a whole weekend of poor public hygiene and the crazy routine of musical festivals while babysitting Natasha's little sister who would definitely get really drunk with her girlfriend.
Steve was the one who suggested the most quiet and family thing, a road trip to the countryside. But since he was going with Bucky and you and Wanda didn't wish to be traumatized by their physical display of affection, their invitation was also declined.
Back on the floor of your apartment, you helped Wanda with the papers around the floor.
You were worried she would be upset about the lack of plans - even Sam with his eternal bachelor status was having a date night with some old colleague from the army. You worried that Wanda might think you're not excited to spend time with her when it is pretty much the opposite of it.
“You know, we don't really have to do anything just because everyone is doing.” You start, hands ready to catch the papers she's bringing. “We could just watch a movie.”
Wanda smiles, the papers are put in your hands but she doesn't move hers away.
“If you brought wine it would be like any other date night.”
“That's not a bad thing, right?” You retort immediately, eyes anxious towards hers. She frowns, a confused chuckle escaping her.
“No, I mean… you think that too right?”
You shrug; “I just want to spend Valentine's and any other day with you, Wands. What we are doing doesn't matter much.”
She smiles, coming closer to kiss you on the lips. But the kiss is quicker than you wished. One of her hands caresses your cheek as she speaks:
“Good to know, darling, 'cause I'll be watching you do the dishes tonight.”
You chuckle, rolling her eyes at her teasing but pouting when she escapes your attempt at a second kiss.
-&-
Valentine's Day is unfortunately a busy day for the spider.
It was true that you and Wanda didn't plan anything big but you wanted to bring her some flowers and her favorite chocolate but after fighting another dressed-up lunatic at the city hall and avoiding three different catastrophes, anything inside your backpack was definitely destroyed.
You swing back into your apartment with the mess of your gifts dripping to the floor. The wine bottle broke and soaked the chocolate and the poor flowers. Bye-bye to any college homework you forgot there.
Throwing the item at the sink, your body towards the couch was the second thing you threw.
And against the soft pillows the day tiredness caught up at you. With the thought that you would rest your eyes for five minutes, you woke up hours later with the door locked.
Wanda's angry arrival was also an efficient clock.
“God, what is wrong with you? I've been calling you all day!” She slammed the door behind her, and the next second the day's newspaper was thrown at you. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? We have talked about this! You can't just fight some three-sized villain and vanish without a word! I thought-” But she stops herself, taking a deep breath when her voice cracks. You feel so terrible sorry. You know very well that Wanda has lost enough people for the whole ghosting thing to be too hard on her. Intentional or not.
You get up. “Hey, I'm so sorry Wands, my phone broke and I came right here and closed my eyes for like two seconds. I'm sorry.” But Wanda shook her head, covering her eyes for a moment. She was not even that mad at you, it was clearly an accident that you forgot to call. But she has been so nervous all day worried about you that she needed a minute. Suddenly, she catches a glimpse of the wine-soaked flowers at the kitchen counter and frowns. “What is that?”
The slight indignation about the mess of an apartment you both worked hard to keep clean vanished the second she realized those were gifts.
You fixed your hair awkwardly. “Hm, I was trying to make a romantic gesture. But I forgot I'm always on some freak radar.”
Wanda's hands reached for the flowers and as gentle as her touch, her magic flowed from her fingers to take all the wine away. In no time, the petals were as beautiful and healthy as when you brought it.
“This is really not fair, darling.” She starts, moving to check the rest of the gifts. “You made it to the front page and I have every right to be mad you didn't call through the suit to let me know you're alive.” You wanted to mutter that you're still getting used to the new suit and its high-tech functions, but Wanda is turning at you again with crossed arms.
“It’s not fair, how hard you're making to stay mad at you.”
You gave her a lopsided smile. “So, you like the chocolate that much, huh?”
She rolled her eyes, trying to contain her smile. “Why don't you go shower while I make dinner? There's grease from Rino's suit all over your face.”
You click with your tongue, swinging a little. “Let me guess, you not joining me at the shower is my punishment for not calling through the suit?”
She finally let that smile escape. “Clever girl.”
You chuckle to yourself before nodding and heading to the bathroom.
-&-
Forgotten dinner plates at the living room table when Wanda reached the chocolate box. She shared them with you during the sitcom marathon you too were doing but after finding yourself hypnotized by her laugh for the fourth time in a row, you gave up eating at all.
The last chocolate was put away when she caught you staring.
“What?”
“What what?” You retort with a chuckle, having some pride over the soft blush of her cheeks.
“You were staring.” She says then, drifting her gaze from the TV to you with some resistance. You know her enough that it's because Wanda is terrible at hiding her own shyness under your loving glance. She always was.
“Can you blame me?” Your teasing just makes her blush more. You just decide to make it worse. “You're simply too charming not to be looked at. So gorgeous, so pretty. I feel so lucky.”
“Stop it.” She giggles with rosy cheeks at your praise. But despite her words, she opens her arms as an invitation for you to come closer. You practically jump from your spot - a few centimeters from her since your last trip to the kitchen to grab sodas - and greet the warmth of her embrace.
Wanda hugs your body while you melt into her, the soft caress on your spine being more than enough to bring back your interrupted slumber that evening. But somehow you manage to stay wide awake, perhaps because the way you press your face into her boobs makes her giggle and playfully tug at your hair, which happens to have a completely different effect on you.
Her body tenses up a little when your lips start sucking at her collarbone, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. You suddenly recall that it has been some time, a week maybe two since you had enough free time to be this close.
Your lovely girlfriend probably missed you as much as you missed her.
The soft sucking turns into something more determined, then into a bite and a licking that turns Wanda into a panting mess. She grows restless under you, fingers tugging at your hair with some guidance towards your movements in her neck until finally, your mouth meets her again.
Hot open-mouthed kisses before softer ones. You kiss and she kisses you back until all of your clothes are disheveled around your bodies and she looks up at you with pleading eyes and slightly open lips. Begging for more.
“Wanna take this to the bedroom?” You suggest inches from her lips but she shakes her head, fingers dancing under your shirt.
“You can have me right here.” She whispers back, stealing all your coherent thoughts for a second.
Your hands are shaking a bit with eagerness when you pull at your clothes, with Wanda's help they are off in no time. Her chest heaves when you take her top off and Wanda stares back while you can't seem to be able to look away from her tits.
“You good there?” She teases you breathlessly when your lack of action lingers. You chuckle, hands at her sides.
“Yeah, just give me a minute.” You retort managing an affectionate roll of eyes from her.
“You're such a dork.” She giggles but purposely lifts her chest in your direction, making you swallow hard. When you don't take the bait immediately, she sighs. “I would love for you to more than stare, detka.”
You groan, hovering over her. “Well, your wish is my command, madam” You reply, leaning down to capture her lips. Teasing Wanda with soft bites on her lower lip every time you break the kiss before starting another turns her into a needy mess under you. She gets impatient very quickly and brings her hands to your cheeks, pulling you down with determination. Her tongue takes the lead in a heated kiss that takes all the air out of your lungs.
Panting against her mouth while trying to match the intensity of her demand, you let your hands grope around her body towards her chest, effectively taking the lead again when you start playing with her hardened nipples and Wanda loses her ability to kiss you back.
When she whimpers into your mouth, her hips restless while your fingers pinch her cute tits, you chuckle. “Ah, is there something you want, baby?”
She struggles to speak firmly. "I need you to stop teasing and fuck me." You grunt at her answer. You would have obeyed immediately if you hadn't been able to feel Wanda shaking. She gasps as you adjust, your knee finding her middle and giving her something to grind against as you resume your actions on her breasts. She throws her head back, biting her lip hard as her hips move almost of their own accord.
It's a hot mess, her first orgasm of the night. You didn't even have to take off all her clothes. When Wanda shivers terribly, and you feel the wetness against your knee, you bite down at her tit and that makes her let out a muffled scream.
Wanda is panting and her face is very flushed when you look at her again, her expression satisfied after an intense orgasm.
You hum happily, moving your hands down as you tilt your face to kiss her on the lips. She gasps into your mouth when she feels your fingers draw a path through her ruined panties.
"You made such a mess, sweetheart." You whisper between one kiss and another, two digits pushing gently without even removing her underwear. Wanda arches toward you, squeezing your shoulders for something to hold on to. Her green eyes are completely dilated now and you love how they display a vulnerable begging. Pulling your fingers out again, you let your thumb draw circles on her covered clit and enjoy the way her thighs tremble around you. "Tell me what you want, Wanda."
She has a little difficulty responding while feeling you teasing her, but despite noticing her heartbeat against your fingertips, you don't interrupt your movements. If anything, they become even more determined. Wanda pants, hips trying to match the rhythm of your fingers.
"C-can we use the strap tonight?" She manages out of breath. "I like feeling you come inside me."
Your witch girlfriend's favorite toy is somewhere in the room, and given the busy schedule of two superheroes, it wasn't used as often as you would like. Wanda has barely suggested, and you're already nodding, panting aroused just imagining yourself stretching Wanda again.
But suddenly your fingers push the fabric out of the way, and you sink inside her without warning, ripping a moan from her throat.
"Give me one more first." You demand, watching as Wanda nods in near desperation, brow furrowed at her rapidly building orgasm. Your rhythm is brutal, and she squeezes and squeezes until you can barely push your fingers inside her. You bring your free hand to one of her thighs, forcing her open as you adjust to improve your reach. Wanda sees stars. She lets go of your shoulders to grab the cushions and ends up destroying half of them with magical expelling when she finally falls over the edge.
An impressed chuckle escapes you at the scene. You're usually the one responsible for destroying things with your spider strength - It's always nice to see Wanda lose some of the control she's fought so hard to have.
Kissing her softly, you feel her smile in some exhaustion. She needs a few seconds, so you pull out your fingers and suck them clean while green eyes watch you from below. Wanda wants to kiss you again, but you adjust to carry her on your lap, and after two orgasms in a row, she won't contradict you.
She feels the soft blankets against her back a moment later and relaxes fully into the bed as you move around the room working to find and put on the strap. It doesn't take more than two minutes, yet Wanda sighs impatiently before letting her hands roam her own body, pinching her breasts and teasing downwards. She bites her lip at the soaked state she finds herself in, tentatively collecting some of that moisture before hearing a husky laugh that makes her look up.
"You don't have to play alone, I'm right here." You let her know softly, but Wanda swallows at the sight of your naked figure and the enchanted hardness between your legs. Of all the things she learned to do, that honestly has to be her best spell. One of your hands grabs the silicone, instinctively or not, imitating the masturbation gesture that Wanda is making and she shudders to the tips of her toes, her body on fire. Her hand moves out of her panties immediately, raising it into the air in a beckoning gesture. You don't need to be told twice.
It's a breathless kiss when you reach her face again, equally eager to feel each other, there's a little war of pushing and pulling until Wanda feels completely pressed into the bed, the strap rubbing against her entrance.
You pull away when she whimpers - It's just to pull down her panties, and Wanda kicks the item away as you climb back up. Your mouth finds hers again so that when you align the strap and sink into her, you can swallow her moans.
The stretch is slow and careful, very different from the breathless way you were making out a few minutes ago. Wanda lets her nails dig into your lower back as you fight the urge to be rougher.
She gets used to the size very quickly, the creaminess of her previous orgasms making an obscene sound that makes her ears redden. You break the kiss to ask if she's ready and the only response you get is a determined throw of her hips up that registers her impatience.
In all quickies, you're always rough. Desperate to feel her, because you miss Wanda as much as she misses you, and in the rush, there's no time to prolong moments like this. But it's the first time in many months that you're relaxed, and you can thrust slowly and sensually inside Wanda, letting her feel every movement of your cock inside her warm walls as you kiss her and whisper praises in her ear.
Heat is spread under your skin, and sweat accumulates with the slow stimulation. You feel closer each time you sink inside her, and when Wanda starts whimpering in your ear, it feels like an impossible task to hold it.
"You're close?" You pant, hips starting to buckle. "I don't think… I can hold it anymore... Wands-" You choke, letting your face fall against her collarbone. The knot in your abdomen explodes without warning, and you moan deeply as you spill yourself inside Wanda, the enchanted strap vibrating inside her. It turns out that feeling you come was the push she needed, and Wanda sobs as she feels the blinding pleasure hit her, following you into climax a second later.
For a moment, all that can be heard in that room are your breathless sighs until your hoarse and satisfied chuckles emerge.
You remain inside her when you adjust so that you rest your elbows on the mattress and see her face.
"Hey, little witch."
She pushes back her sweaty hair with one hand, the other moving to rest on your neck. "Hey, spider."
Your nose brushes against hers. "I think we nailed Valentine's Day."
She giggles before pulling you for a kiss.
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff fics#elizabeth olsen x reader#bottom!wanda#bottom!wanda maximoff#marvel imagines#wanda maximoff smut
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don’t modify | jang wonyoung
♫⋆。♪ ₊˚♬ ゚. everyone adores you (at least i do) — matt maltese
synopsis : everyone knew jang wonyoung had standards, but you were afraid you didn’t meet them like she initially expected you to.
pairing : stuco!wonyoung x gf!femreader
genre : smut, it’s kinda sweet i think
tags : wlw, hurt/comfort(?), fem!reader starts doubting herself, self-esteem issues, yn overthinks everythingg, YN YOU’RE GIRLFRIEND ENOUGH, <//3, couplez are very present haiii, i care them so much, jiwon is stewpid (affectionate), and rei lives for it, LESBIANS, worried gf wony, she loves yn guys, GUYS, now onto the sex, semi-public sex, so risky sex, ooouh scandalous, fingerfucking, making out, LOTS of it, kinda body worship, clit play
warnings : this fic contains self-esteem issues and lack of confidence, be warned :]
word count : 4,8k
a/n : heyyy… DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THATTT I’VE BEEN BUSY💔💔i’m trying to work on as many fics as i possibly can when i have free time, this is one of them<//3 i hope you like it, i personally don’t know to feel about it butfkdmfm yeah
i also kinda didn’t proofread this; it’s almost 2 am as i’m typing this out and i’m EXHAUSTED,,, if you see mistakes of any kind just please ignore,, for my sake
man, student council really was no joke.
sitting at the same table as your girlfriend, wonyoung, and her peers, you could feel the undeniable tension in the air.
this was originally gonna be a double date, but it very quickly turned into a last-minute student council meeting, for some unknown reason. you weren’t part of said council, therefore had no clue what the hell they were on about this entire time. all this talk about budget, organized events, it all made you dizzy. the only thing that was keeping you somewhat calm was wonyoung’s warm presence and the slow jazz music that was quietly playing from the vintage jukebox, the one sitting in a corner of the place.
you accompanied your girlfriend thinking this was going to be a cute opportunity to meet the two other girls! yknow, knowing that they seemed to be very close friends of your girlfriend’s, you figured it would’ve been nice to get to know them but it now just mostly feels like you infiltrated a top secret reunion that no one else could know about.
and the funny thing? you were already somewhat nervous to meet other student council members in the first place, and this wasn’t helping. now, it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but the first time that you met your significant other… yeah, you were mostly intimidated by her beauty and maturity, but also by her status in the school. it’s almost like you felt bad about crushing on somebody as influential on campus, let alone eventually dating her. so, i guess you could say meeting anybody equally as important as her fellow stuco members was something that made you rather anxious; what if they thought of you as clumsy? dumb? or even worse, not good enough for their president, their best friend?
quickly interrupting your train of incredibly messy thought, the blonde girl, whose name you don’t quite remember, spoke up.
“nevermind any of that! we came here, on a week-end, with the intention to relax, to have fun and to finally take a breather from everything stressful that’s been going on in our lives, and what did we end up doing? talking about the school’s budget, like we always do. seriously guys?” she watched how the two other girls averted their eyes, clearly guilty.
she especially noticed how you seemed to be uncomfortably shifting in your seat whilst they were talking, so, giving you a subtle reassuring look, she added on.
“let’s leave it for when we’re at school and not in front of y/n, how’s that sound?”
the two other girls looked at each other, then you, and eventually nodded. just like that, the tension in the air disappeared, and you already felt calmer.
but not calm enough to be confident about meeting your girlfriend’s friends and actually enjoy this small get-together.
however, you couldn’t sit there and pretend that the silence that settled in between all of you wasn’t a comfortable one, especially with the way wonyoung’s hand rested on yours, it was a nice contrast to what was actively going on in your mind.
until it was brutally killed by the dramatic sigh that came from the familiar tall and bright haired girl’s mouth.
“well, i’m pretty damn hungry, aren’t you guys hungry? cause i sure am pretty fucking hungry!“
you internally laughed, acknowledging that she was naturally quite funny. you apparently weren’t the only one to think so, considering how that also earned a small giggle from the almost just as tall girl who you assumed was her girlfriend, since she was practically always looking at her with heart-shaped eyes, regardless of the situation; you could tell when a girl was whipped for another, and it was as clear as day.
she was more than whipped for the blondie.
“you know jiwon, if you wanted to get up and go order, you could’ve just said that.” she said, smiling at the girl in question and looking stupidly in love.
“well yeahh.. but it’s essential for everyone to know how famished i am at all times, darling; my hunger is everyone’s problem, i thought we knew this!” was what jiwon said back, her bright smile making the dimple on one of her red cheeks, her left one, even more prominent than usual, since it’s quite literally always visible. that earned a playful eye roll from the other girl as she continued giggling.
the pet name helped confirm your theory that those two were a thing.
“you guys want anything?” she softly asked, quickly making sure.
“nope! we’ll get something later, thank you rei.” was what wonyoung responded before warmly looking at you, slightly tilting her head in a way that silently asked you if you felt like ordering. you politely declined by shaking your head, hand waving around as you’re doing so, for extra insistence.
after that, they stood up together and proceeded to walk towards the counter to order. their hands were grazing each other’s for a little moment as they talked, almost hesitant. that is, before jiwon gently grabbed the other girl’ hand and intertwined their fingers together, both now having acquired their place in line. smiling to yourself, you also particularly noticed how jiwon, her face now completely red, seemed to trip on literal air as she walked with the reason for that was giggling endlessly.
man, what a match they were, you thought.
rei, if you remembered her name correctly, was soft spoken and careful with every little thing she said and did, her gentle tone offered some sort of contrast to jiwon’s, who on her part, was louder, more outgoing and spontaneous. being polar opposites, they complemented each other amazingly; from their behavior all the way down to their body language, it was impossible to miss how different yet similar they were.
it seemed as if wonyoung noticed you staring at them from a distance, so she assumed it would’ve been a good idea to give you a little bit of funny context. “can you believe they’re not dating yet?” she asked, looking at them with you.
“wait.. what? they aren’t?” you exclaimed, surprised at the almost unbelievable information your girlfriend just dropped on you. well there goes your theory, “are.. are you sure?”
amused, she shook her head, eyebrows raised, “mmhm.” she said, putting emphasis on the first m. “i swear at times it feels like i hear them gushing about the other way more than i see my own mom.”
you giggled, your eyes darted back and forth between her and the other girls, in disbelief. actually.. the more you looked at them, the more whatever wonyoung said seemed to be true; despite being this close and intimate with each other, there were signs of uncertainty, as if this was new for the both of them. like when jiwon seemed to avoid rei’s gaze whenever she spoke, or maybe even when rei seemed to blush at quite literally anything silly that came out of jiwon’s mouth, which was very often, by the way.
“crazy, i know.” she laughed, staring at the two with you. “i mean, they practically are by now, they’re just not aware of it themselves yet.”
okay yeah, you thought, nodding at your girlfriend, it made sense.
they did look like a newlywed couple if they didn't know they were married, and that just made it all the more endearing to see, honestly. you were glad wonyoung was friends with such kind-hearted and genuine girls.
that somehow contributed in bringing back that nerve-racking doubt you had ever since you stepped foot in here, however, and your amusement was once again quickly overshadowed by worry. see, those two seemed so happy with each other, despite not even dating, that it got you thinking about your and wonyoung’s relationship.
rei and jiwon sort of reminded you of what you and your girlfriend were, way back before you started dating, back when she knew absolutely nothing about you and was instead curious regarding your person, intrigued.
you thought that maybe you didn’t end up exceeding her expectations like she initially believed you would, that you maybe weren’t as interesting of a girlfriend than she would’ve hoped, that she could do so much better than you.
hell, maybe even the two friends you were staring at prior thought so.
you noticed how wonyoung stared at you with a focused expression, the one she always had on whilst she tried to comprehend something complex, whatever it was. many things elicited that reaction, sometimes it’d be an important yet contradictory school document, other times it’d be an attempt to read something that was written in one of the languages she’s not so familiar with, as rare as that was.
right now though, she was probably trying to read you, a language she thought she was perfectly fluent in, yet was always met with a hard time understanding completely.
then, upon realizing that you were staring back at her, her eyes widened ever-so slightly and she gave you a warm smile. doing your best in not letting your insecurities spill through the cracks of your face, you smiled in return, as to not potentially worry her.
“we’re backk!” announced jiwon in a sing-song tone, quickly catching both you and wonyoung off-guard as she obnoxiously placed her tray down on the table, almost dropping it. rei’s, on the other hand, was set gently on the wooden surface whilst she carefully sat down on the seat, smiling to herself upon staring at the delicious looking food, completely disregarding the conversation happening right beside her.
you nodded to yourself, that was truly respectable.
“already?..” asked the tall and brown haired girl in response, wearing a mischievous smirk girl at the blondie before continuing, “and here i thought that we were finally gonna have a break from you.” jokingly groaning and rolling her eyes.
“never gonna happen, unfortunately for you.” jiwon giggled at the banter, grabbing a handful of fries from the tray in front of her before forcefully shoving it into the other girl’s mouth, cutting the latter successfully.
that earned a giggle from everyone at the table, but rei’s tiny and polite laugh was especially noticeable among the bunch.
turns out she always listens when it’s about jiwon, huh.
—
“what about you, y/n?” asked jiwon, distracting you from the conversation you were about to engage in with the delicious burger that nestled in between your eager hands. you looked at her, allowing her to carry on, “are you volunteering anywhere?”
all of a sudden, all three different pairs of eyes were on you, and you only.
you cleared your throat, setting the hamburger down, now having caught a glimpse of what the conversation was actually about. volunteering, huh? is that a thing that student council casually members do when they’re bored..?
you didn’t want to seem like an asshole, but it’s not like you could afford to lie, either, especially not when wonyoung was staring at you so intently, like she was excited to merely hear you talk.
you felt guilty for even placing a word.
“oh uh,” you focused your eyes on the table, unsure of your response and the reaction you would get. “i would, but i barely have the time, unfortunately.. you know, with my job and all..”
“you know,” rei chimed in, shaking her medium-sized soda drink around before taking a sip, “you can say that you don’t care enough, we won’t judge.” she said in a joking manner, earning laughter from everyone at the table.
that was a joke, it’s obvious that everybody would be laughing.
“ahah, yeah..”
except you, of course, the best you could do at that moment was crack a slight smile since you were basically stuck inside of your own head by now, contemplating whether they were actually making fun of you in your face or if you were just overthinking everything again, just like you always do.
man, with each thought you had, you felt uneasy. the more they talked, the more overwhelmed you felt, especially if the conversation revolved around you; self-consciousness wouldn’t even begin to describe it, despite your desperate attempts to sit and actually enjoy the moment, as well as the food in front of you, for that matter.
but alas, that annoying voice in your head had won again. the same voice that always goes on and on about how every person around you thinks you aren’t enough, and that you’re uninteresting and unlikeable, sometimes just plain annoying.
that got the best of you today.
you reluctantly stood up, which caught the two girls’ attention, but especially wonyoung’s, all of their eyes perking up at you. “where you going?” asked jiwon.
“just the bathroom.” you replied almost immediately, “sorry, you guys can keep talking, i won’t be long.”
you make a beeline for the restroom after rambling out those words, not looking back for even a second. you push the door open once you get there, quickly closing it behind you before turning the sink on and looking at yourself in the mirror.
get it together, y/n, you told yourself, don’t embarrass her any more than you already have.
you proceeded to splash some cold water onto your face, taking advantage of the fact that you conveniently decided not to wear any makeup today. to call it refreshing would be an understatement, as it helped you gain back composure.
that’s when you heard, and noticed from your peripheral vision, the restroom door cracking open. you turned off the running sink in hurry and turned to the door, wiping the water off of your face with your palm and forearm.
“..you okay?”
“huh? yeah..”
she looked at you some more. it was clear that she did not believe you for one second, she therefore locked the door behind you, as to not have anybody interrupt. she was going to ask again, however, she refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord.
you quickly understood that she was going to ask again, however, refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord. you took a deep breath, then you allowed your vulnerability to manifest itself through your words, just this once.
“..i just feel like.. i don’t know—“ you tried finding the right words to say, but nothing could potentially make the situation any worse than you’ve made it, “are you happy with me, wonyoung?”
long pause. a very long pause.
she furrowed her eyebrows upwards, “…what?” her voice was now just above a whisper as she processed your words, slightly shaking. despite how subtle it was, you heard the fear in it. “o-of course i am, why wouldn’t i be?”
“i just feel… i feel like you deserve better than me.” you turned away from her, your eyes settling on the mirror before you, once again. “i’m sorry, i don’t wanna be annoying—“
“do i make you feel that way?” she asked almost immediately, cutting you off. her expression giving away her heavy dejection despite her best attempt to mask it. “do i make you feel like you’re not enough?”
hurting you is the last thing she would ever want to do, she’s certain she’d rather die a horrible death on the spot than cause you pain.
“no, of course not!” you responded just as fast, your gaze meeting hers as you turn to face her once again, “you’re great towards me, amazing, even. it’s… it’s just that, i’m scared that you’re doing it out of pure guilt.. is all—”
she, in response, was no longer taken aback. finally having understood what was on your mind throughout this whole outing, her worry evaporated from her face, leaving room for a sympathetic expression, “guilt?” she walked your way and stood beside you, her big hands now cupping your cheeks and holding them in a warm, loving embrace. “if i really was dating you out of guilt, would i really ask you to go out with me to meet my friends?”
“i don’t want you doubting my love for you ever again, okay?” she added, her eyebrows furrowed, now looking practically offended. “i mean, come on, let’s not forget that i have standards.”
interpreting your silence and the way you looked up at her as uncertainty, she continued, smiling at you, “and you exceed every single one; you’re amazing, y/n. you’re gorgeous, so incredibly smart, talented, understanding, so kind and genuine, too. the list could go on, honestly, but most important of all, i love you, i love you so much, and there is truly nothing in this world that’ll be able to change that.. i never, ever, wanna hear you say any of that again. also, never scare me like that? ever?”
“but—“
“nuh uh!” she hovered her index finger over your mouth, silencing you before you could protest, “no buts! you’re perfect and i’m very incredibly lucky to be with you, that’s final.” she insisted, before mumbling to herself, “also, i should probably tell rei to cut it down on the sarcastic jokes, shouldn’t i.. she gets comfortable way too easily—“
“no wony, i know she meant no harm. plus, i would’ve found it funny if i wasn’t so in my own head..”
she sighed, then nodded. and as corny as it was, that whole conversation was enough to fully reassure you again. you cracked a shy and content smile, to which she happily reciprocated whilst gently stroking your hair with her hand, leaving a loving kiss on your forehead. “i love you, wonyoung, i’m sorry.” you muttered, barely audible.
she groaned, having heard you, and rolled her eyes jokingly, “will you stop apologizing so much?” before smiling with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes, “i love you too dumbass, so much, and i’m afraid i’ll never stop.” she added, before leaving a small peck on your lips.
you returned the kiss, having wonyoung leaning into you and gently pushing you onto the sink. your hands went on both sides of her face and cupped her cheeks, your girlfriend melting into your touch with a smile immediately before pulling away and looking into your eyes.
now being in the right headspace and paying proper attention to her appearance, you just now noticed how good wonyoung really looked that day; her long brown hair perfectly straightened at the top and being more on the wavy side on the ends, the whole hairstyle being all, quite literally, tied together by a lavender-coloured ribbon. you’ve also noticed that she decided to wear her favorite navy blue and white striped knit sweater and tucked it under the waistband of her blue denim jeans, incredibly effective in drawing attention to her waist whilst also keeping a cozy look.
she looked beautiful, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but your mind kept wandering further. you thought about how much more beautiful she’d look wearing nothing, before being hit with the sad truth that the two of you are in a public bathroom, and that the latter was very unlikely to happen.
still though, you smiled to yourself as your eyes trained down on her body, getting lost in dirty thought before looking up at her again. once your gaze met wonyoung’s, you watched her lips form into a stupid smile before she spoke again, making you realize how dearly you missed listening to her honey-like voice despite having heard it roughly 30 seconds prior.
“and what are you looking at exactly?” she tilted her head slightly, flirtatiously sliding her hand up and down your sides as she awaited your answer.
it’s crazy how your girlfriend of several months could still manage to turn your stomach to literal mush, every single thing about her made you short-circuit; her mannerisms, the way she talked to you, the way she always put her hands on the right spot, her smile… she was clearly out to get you.
and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon.
“..nothing,” you replied, taking a short pause as you took in all of her features, before adding on, “you look good, babe.”
that pet name made sense again, you felt like yourself again.
“yeah?” she spoke back, now placing her two hands atop each side of the sink that you were already leaning on. her face now mere inches away from yours, your nostrils suddenly invaded by the hypnotizing smell of the sugary, expensive perfume she had on, the one that drove you nuts, “thanks for noticing.”
it took one last dorky smile from her before you officially lost your shit and pulled her back in for a kiss, this one hungrier than the previous, and it didn’t take much for wonyoung to acknowledge the desire you felt for her, either. she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t want you just as much.
you could taste the cherry lip gloss she had put on previously as your lips danced in sync with hers,
“wait,” you said in between kisses, “what about the others?”
“oh don’t worry,” she chuckled, wearing a knowing expression and slightly shaking her head in amusement at the thought, “they’re definitely keeping each other distracted. i would even go as far as to say that they completely forgot about us even coming along in the first place.”
as insane as it may sound, you could totally picture jiwon completely discarding her food and endlessly rambling about quite literally the dumbest thing ever whilst rei admired her silently, listening to every word the other girl spoke, entranced as she took tiny sips of her drink, perhaps as an attempt to make the moment last forever.
the two of you giggled to yourselves, seemingly having thought of the exact same thing before the urge to have wonyoung ruin you in this very bathroom hit you once more, only harder this time.
it didn’t take long for your girlfriend to lean back into you, now making her painfully slow way down to your jaw, then to your neck, planting messy and lazy pecks across the skin. you felt her smiling against you with relish, taking in each and every soft noise that escaped from your mouth. her hands were growing more and more curious by the second, which caused them to explore and slide further down from the spot they initially settled on; your lower stomach and waist. they eventually worked their way up your black pleated skirt, teasing your entrance through the soft fabric of your already damp underwear.
that went on for a long while, so long so that you felt the pool in between your legs growing with each rub of the finger she gave you.
“god, look at you,” she then whispered against your neck, marking it up right to her liking, “perfect, always so perfect for me.” and watching you not-so-subtly grinding your hips against her hand at the words, longing for any sort of friction you could get.
“wonyoung–” you whined out quietly, using all of your willpower to not make too much noise so as to not let the other people in the restaurant hear you through the closed door. she heard you though, she heard you loud and clear and that was all that mattered to her. she pretended that she didn’t, however, and pulled away from your neck to properly look at you to raise a knowing eyebrow at you. the back and forth motion she was doing on your clothed pussy now much, much slower. “what was that baby?”
“please.” you breathed out shakily, “i need you.. bad.”
“do you now?” she responded, cocky.
you nodded almost immediately.
she let out a tsk sound in response, “couldn’t even wait ‘till we get home, huh?” that confirmation was all it took for her to finally push your panties to the side just enough to be able to spread your cunt and squeeze her fingers into it, which was very wet enough to welcome her digits, she slowly inserted them further in.
“so impatient, just for me, right?” she whispered, watching you as you nodded once again, this time more keen. she then paused, quietly taking in all of your reactions to her different words and teasing, more than satisfied, she scoffed, “fuck, i love you—“
she pressed her lips against yours again, eager; she truly couldn’t get enough of you, everything about you was all she could ever want. you couldn’t help but let a guttural groan escape from your lips in response to her two fingers fully sliding inside of you in one swift motion, filling your insides up perfectly. you were undeniably loud, but the kiss definitely contributed to quieting you down, muffling the noise of your pleasure, the squelching sounds of your pussy being the only audible thing occupying the air.
it didn’t take long before she started pumping her fingers in and out of you, finding a slow and steady pace before fully ravaging your core. she quickly pulled away to catch a glimpse of the scene happening on the lower side of things; her hand reaching into your skirt and working its magic. the sight of that worked the both of you up even more, and she would’ve completely gotten rid of every piece of the clothing that’s in her way to you right then and there,
but then again, this was a public bathroom.
and you two were very quickly reminded of that once you heard knocking at the locked door, as well as tussling of the doorknob. wonyoung and you froze, albeit a very polite pair of knocking and turning, it scared the shit out of you.
“y/n? wonyoung? are you guys okay in there?” you heard rei’s easily discernible voice on the other side of the door. your eyes darted between it and wonyoung, mere inches away from you (who also seemed visibly panicked, as well as amused.)
well wonyoung was incredibly wrong in assuming they forgot about you two.
in a silent, mutual agreement sealed by a nod, you came up with a pitiful excuse, fighting back every potential shake of your voice that could manifest itself, “y-yeah, uh, i’m just fixing up my makeup and—“
suddenly, you felt your girlfriend’s thumb pressing on your sensitive and swollen bundle of nerves without warning, and began to rub it in a slow and painful circular motion, wearing a slight smirk while doing so. your stomach immediately dropped at the feeling, and your first instinct was to bite your lip as you tried your hardest not to moan out wonyoung’s name out loud,
obviously, you wanted to, but couldn’t; especially not when rei’s on the other side, worried about you two.
the tall brunette threw you a teasing glance, her expression practically reading ‘go on, keep going.’ so, as a matter of principle, you did. you pulled on her knit sweater in overwhelm, oh so desperate to just cum already and not risk getting caught and definitely kicked out, just imagining that walk of shame gave you goosebumps, “w-wonyoung’s with m-me.”
“okay! oh and also, jiwon wanted me to ask if you were gonna finish your food.”
as bad as it was, your thoughts at that moment resembled ‘oh my god why isn’t she leaving yet’, especially when your love thought it was an amazing idea to casually fingerfuck you again, her fingers finding their familiar pace and curling against your g-spot perfectly. you kept tugging on her top, mouth slightly agape in surprise and overwhelming pleasure as you tried to come up with an answer.
“yes!” you cleared your throat after having that first word coming out a bit too excited for your liking, then continued, “yes, t-tell her she can have all of the remaining fries s-she wants.” you looked at wonyoung with hooded eyes right after slurring out those words, shaking your head in desperation. not at all in the right state of mind to even listen to her friend’s response who then thankfully left, you mouthed the words ‘i wanna cum so bad.’ to her.
she was gonna keep teasing you, but she decided that you’ve endured more than enough for that day. with her other hand, she settled her palm onto your mouth; she knew how loud you got when hitting climax. a few more pumps of her fingers into your puffy cunt was all it took for you to grip onto her sweater as you came all over her hand, eyes rolled back whilst you moaned and pleaded into her hand, bucking your hips into her and riding your high on her palm, her thumb still pressing your clit.
pulling her slander fingers out of you, she quickly made you taste how good you were and made sure you thoroughly and carefully licked every inch of it clean as you hazily muttered ‘i love you’s in between lick and sucks.
one thing was for sure, sitting back down at the table wearing underwear full of your slick was definitely an element of great embarrassment,
but at least you were now fully reassured that dating you was not at all one for wonyoung.
#smut#kpop gg#female reader#ive smut#jang wonyoung#jang wonyoung x female reader#jang wonyoung smut#jang wonyoung x reader#wonyoung smut#wonyoung ive smut#jang wonyoung ive smut#smut ive#wonyoung x female reader#wonyoung x reader
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revelations
alexia + león!r's secret relationship comes to light no warnings! enjoy 🫶🏻
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“Ale!” You shouted, scrolling frantically through your phone, through photo after photo of you and Alexia at the beach the other day. They all bordered on too friendly, or at least they seemed that way to you. The panic in your tone was clear, and Alexia felt her stomach drop in the bedroom. She’d been putting away some laundry when you’d shouted for her, but she was running towards you without a second thought.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” she asked, sliding in her socks on the hardwood floor slightly as she made it into the living room. You looked okay, physically, although your face was contorted with anxiety and fear.
Wordlessly, you held your phone out towards her. Alexia crossed the room in two long strides, grabbing the phone and beginning to scroll. “Oh.” She said.
And if you had been anxious before, it was nothing compared to how you felt now. Was she upset with you? The beach had been your idea, your terrible, terrible idea. Alexia looked upset, and your thoughts began to spiral further. Did she not want anyone to know about your relationship for more reasons than just being afraid of your sister? Was she really not as into you as you thought and going public would be a mess that wasn’t worth it? Did she really even love you?
“Amor?” Alexia said. You looked up at her, seeing her brows furrowed as she gazed down at you. You realized she had said your name a few times, but you’d been too lost in your own head to notice. “Talk to me.” Her voice was gentle as she took a seat next to you, dropping your phone onto the sofa and taking your hand in hers.
Alexia knew how you could be, and the best thing she could do for you when you got anxious was just listen. Sometimes you could talk yourself down, and other times she’d do it for you, but having her listen without judgment always seemed to help, at least a little bit.
“Are you upset about the photos?” You asked, instead of listing out every insecurity that had just popped into your head. Alexia did not know how deeply unworthy of her you felt, and she never would if you could help it.
Your girlfriend thought for a minute. “Not upset about the photos. I am… upset because you are upset.”
“You aren’t mad that I made us go to the beach?”
“Amor, you did not make us do anything. We just went to the beach. We are allowed to do that. I am upset that you are so anxious, I am not upset with you.”
“People are going to see these, Alexia.”
“I know that. We’ll deal with it, however you want.”
You chewed on your lip for a minute. “And if I wanted to tell people? About us?” You asked, voice small and hesitant. Alexia felt her heart melt as she gently cupped your cheek, tilting your face to look at her.
“Then we’d tell people. If that is what you want, that is what we will do. I understand why we are keeping it to ourselves, but I would also be very happy for everyone to know that you are mine.”
“Really?”
“Really. I just want you to be happy. That is all I want, and all I need. You, with a beautiful smile on your face.” Alexia whispered, leaning in and very softly pressing a kiss to your lips.
You were a puddle of mush on the sofa at this point, tucking your face into Alexia’s neck and taking a few calming breaths. She held you carefully, as she always did incredibly content to sit with you until you felt better. If Mapi killed her when she found out, oh well. At least she’d gotten a whole year with you first.
-------
“Hermanita, I am just saying, I can find you a date. It’s been so long since you’ve gone out with anyone.” Mapi was practically shouting, even though the volume in the club wasn’t very loud. She was excited, though, as she always was when she talked about your love life. Your sister was very famous for setting you up with girls, and once you got to know them more, decided they weren’t good enough for you. Which was part of the reason, you and Alexia had yet to tell your sister this was going on.
“No, Mapi.” You said for what felt like the hundredth time, rolling your eyes good naturedly, even as you felt Alexia’s hand grip onto your upper thigh under the table. You peeked at her out of the corner of your eye. Her jaw was set tightly, and you could feel the jealousy coming off her in waves at even the mention of you going on a date with someone else. Mapi was too caught up in listing off people she could set you up with to notice.
Alexia and you were both very tense. Ever since the pictures of you both at the beach had been released, you’d been walking on eggshells around your teammates, wanting to give them nothing that could lead them to believe you were anything more than friends. You’d decided to tell, yes. But you didn’t want people finding out through the pictures, or through walking in on you and Alexia making out in the showers after training. You’d been lucky, so far. No one had brought them up. And so, you hadn’t really thought anyone had taken the leaked pictures seriously. Your teammates definitely hadn’t, but it appeared that some of the fans had. Some of Alexia’s fans, specifically.
This became clear when one of the girls who had been practically glaring at you across the bar all night finally made her approach. Alexia had left your side for just a minute to get you water, always one to push hydration. Your teammates were scattered throughout the bar, and Ingrid and Mapi were only a couple feet away, talking quietly to each other, small smiles on both of their faces.
The girl was by your side very suddenly, almost startling you. She was clearly drunk, but the boldness and anger with which she spoke still shocked you.
“I can’t believe Alexia Putellas would date you. You are not good enough for her. She should be with Jenni, or someone prettier than you. You’re wasting her time.” She slurred, each word feeling like a stab to your already very insecure heart.
You stepped away from her, hearing Pina come to your defense from somewhere next to you, telling the girl to fuck off. Turning around, you almost ran directly into your sister, who had risen along with her girlfriend at the strange girl’s outburst. Her face was contorted with confusion, clearly having heard what the fan had to say. Your reaction spoke volumes, the way your eyes were flooded with tears, and your chest was already beginning to rise and fall rapidly.
It was true, Mapi realized. In the time it took her to come to that conclusion, you were off, sprinting towards the bathroom. They were single bathrooms, thank god, and you made it inside quickly, not bothering to lock the door behind you.
She was right. That girl was right. How could you ever think you were good enough for Alexia. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Alexia. The best person you’d ever known.
It was one of the worst panic attacks you’d had in years, and by the time Mapi slipped in through the bathroom door, you were pretty far gone, only able to hear a faint ringing sound, only able to claw desperately at your chest.
“Hermana, hermana, breathe, you are okay,” Mapi tried, reaching to grab your hand. You only wheezed in response, and Mapi realized you weren’t hearing her. Your sister looked around rather helplessly, her unspoken plea for help being answered almost instantly.
The door opened and in came Ingrid, closely followed by a very frantic Alexia. As soon as the captain spotted you, though, her attention was stolen, no longer thinking about the implications of everyone finding out about your relationship. She was at your side on the filthy floor of the bathroom within a second, carefully grabbing your face in between her hands, and tilting it up towards her.
“I am here, mi amor, I am right here. You have to breathe, cariño, let yourself breathe.”
Alexia, too, realized you weren’t really hearing anything she had to say, so she switched tactics, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you in until your head was resting against her chest. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Ingrid tugging a resistant Mapi out the door of the bathroom, but Alexia only cared for you in that moment.
“I have you, my beautiful girl. I love you, more than anything. Everything is okay. You are safe.”
You managed to come back into yourself, your girlfriend’s voice in your ear the most comforting thing you’d ever heard. You looked up at her, tugging her as close to you as possible, needing to feel more of her. “Ale” you whimpered, watching her face crumble at the sound of her name.
Alexia hated seeing you like this. “Mi preciosa.” She soothed. “I love you, my girl, I love you so much. You are okay.”
Your insecurities quieted for a moment, in favor of something else flooding your mind. Mapi knew. Mapi knew. That her little sister was dating her best friend. You’d seen it on her face, when you turned around to flee the scene. She’d known.
You’d talked about telling Mapi, yes, but now that she knew… you were terrified. What if she was upset? What if it ruined your relationship with your sister, or her relationship with her best friend? What if she made Alexia break up with you?
Your girlfriend could tell very easily that you were spiraling, barely having calmed down in the first place.
“Hey, come back to me. I’m right here, mi amor. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Alexia whispered, her face so close to yours that all you could really see were her eyes, squinted with worry.
You gripped onto her shirt tightly with both your hands. “Mapi knows,” you told her, ridiculously afraid of her reaction.
Alexia nodded slowly. “Ingrid told me when she came and got me. It’s okay, mi amor. We will deal with it.”
“But what if-”
“No what if’s. Tell the what ifs to go away. Just focus on calming down.” Alexia insisted, pressing a light kiss to your cheek. “Can you do that for me?”
You nodded shakily. “Yeah. Just… stay here?”
“I’m not going anywhere.” She promised, tightening her arms around you. “I’m staying right here, with you.”
-------
Alexia got you up once you’d calmed down further, protectively wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and headed for the exit. As soon as you were both out of the bathroom, though, you were met with the sight of your sister pacing very aggressively around the little hallway just outside the door. Her head snapped up when the door opened, and Ingrid had to hold on to the back of her shirt to stop her from lunging at you, and pulling you into a hug.
She squirmed in Ingrid’s grasp, huffing impatiently, all the while staring daggers at you. You searched her gaze for anger, but you only saw worry.
“María,” Alexia began, pulling you in closer to her side. Mapi didn’t appreciate that, Alexia acting like you needed to be protected from her, and her face turned cloudy.
“No. Alexia. No. How long has this been going on?” Mapi asked, her teeth gritted in a sudden flare of anger. You didn’t deserve to be kept a secret, and that’s exactly what Alexia had done to you.
“María, amiga, I understand you have questions, I do, but your sister is really shaken up, and I’d like to take her home. She gets overstimulated after panic attacks, she shouldn’t be in here.”
Mapi floundered for a minute, filled only with concern for you, tucked away against Alexia’s side.
“María, I just want to go home. We can talk tomorrow.” You said, your voice stuttering over your words. You were still anxious, still shaking, and all you wanted was to go home with your girlfriend, where it was quiet and safe and you could be entirely surrounded by Alexia.
Ingrid squeezed your sister’s hand, and Mapi nodded to herself. “Okay, yeah. Okay hermana. I love you. Take care of her, please, Ale.”
“Of course. I love her, María. I’ve got her.”
Mapi watched as Alexia looked down at you, the softest expression she’d ever seen on her captain’s face.
“Home, mi amor?”
“Yes please.” You whispered. “Your apartment.”
“Whatever you want, my girl.” She promised, before leading you in the direction of the exit.
Mapi had never seen either of you like this. So evidently in love. So happy. And she felt stupid for missing it, and even worse that you’d both felt the need to hide it from her. She turned to Ingrid with tears in her eyes, to which her girlfriend sighed softly.
“Come here.” Ingrid whispered, drawing her girlfriend close to her chest.
“Am I a bad sister? A bad friend? Why wouldn’t they tell me?” Mapi mumbled. Ingrid shook her head.
“No, you are a good sister and a good friend. You have an overprotective streak, María, they probably just wanted to give themselves time together before they told you.” Ingrid assured her.
“I don’t like not knowing things.” Mapi complained quietly.
Ingrid chuckled. “I know you don’t, María min. Now you know, though. And you can talk to them about it tomorrow. We can go to Ale’s and have a conversation.”
“Yeah. Oh god. EW.” Mapi said, quickly growing very disgusted.
“What?” Ingrid wondered, pulling back in concern.
Mapi looked nauseous. “They are sleeping at Alexia’s house together.”
“Maybe your sister is sleeping on the couch.” Ingrid suggested helpfully.
Mapi grinned up at her. “I love you.”
-------
Alexia barely let you out of her grasp the whole way to the car, and the whole drive home. She kept your hand held tightly in hers. Somewhere in your head, you knew very well that when you were anxious, it made Alexia anxious, but you didn’t have it in you to say anything that would let her know you were okay. You weren’t okay, and you weren’t even really sure you could speak at all. You were much calmer now, physically, but your mind was still a mess. You were shaking, and you did your best to focus on Alexia’s thumb running soothingly over the back of your hand.
Before you knew it, Alexia’s free hand was lightly stroking your cheek, and you looked over at her to realize you had arrived at her home.
“Hi.” She said softly, her hazel eyes earnestly looking into yours. Alexia really did love to watch out for you, even before you were together. She’d always kept an eye on you, at first because you were her best friends’ sister. Eventually, though, she found herself watching you when she didn't have a reason to. And you’d gaze at her right back.
“Hey.” You replied, giving her the best smile you could manage, although it was sure to be very weak and unconvincing.
“Feeling better?”
You shrugged. “A bit.”
Alexia sighed, seeing through your lie, but she smiled at you anyway, kissing your cheek and getting out of the car. She was around the car in a flash, opening the door and offering you a hand.
Once you were in the house, Alexia instructed you to sit on the couch and wait for her to return. You tried to relax into the couch, tried to get your mind off what the girl in the bar had said to you. You don’t think you were very successful, because Alexia was back in what felt like 3 seconds, though she had her hands full.
“Okay. Water, crackers, your medicine and a sweatshirt. And that fun pokey ring.” She said, dumping everything onto the table in front of you, handing the sweatshirt to you first. It was one of hers, one of your favorites, and you pulled it on quickly, trying to covertly inhale the scent of her all over the fabric. Alexia very dutifully handed you the water next. You smiled at her gratefully, eating a few crackers and taking your anxiety medicine. You turned to her, prepared to tell her what had happened as you knew she was probably dying to know, but she turned back to the table, grabbing the acupressure ring. She gently took your hand, sliping the ring onto your finger, smiling to herself when your skin erupted in goosebumps at the sensation.
“Better now?” She asked, lacing her fingers with yours. You nodded, this time telling the truth. “Can you tell me what happened please?”
You nodded again, this time a bit more hesitantly. You didn’t really want to tell her what the girl had said, but you knew you had no choice. “What did Ingrid tell you?”
“She said someone said something to you about me. And that Mapi heard, and knew we were together.”
You thought for a moment. You were a bit torn on how to feel now. On one hand, Alexia had been so entirely perfect, the whole night. She’d gone out of her way to make you feel safe and help you calm down. Your insecurities really didn’t know any bounds, though, and you were still half convinced that the girl had been right.
“What did she say to you?” Alexia wondered, after it was clear you were having a hard time finding the words.
You took a deep breath, tearing your eyes away from your girlfriends as you responded. “She said that she couldn’t believe you were with me. That you should be with someone better, someone prettier. And that I’m wasting your time.”
Alexia was silent for almost an entire minute, long enough for you to look up at her and try to gauge her reaction. She finally spoke when she made eye contact with you. “And you… you believed her? You think she was right?” She asked.
“Do you?” You countered, trying to sound stronger and more confident in her answer than you felt.
“No.” Alexia said, exasperation clear in her voice. “I do not. You are perfect for me. I do not need anyone else, and I do not want anyone else.”
“Right.” You whispered, blinking hard. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have believed her I just-”
“You do not need to apologize for feeling bad that someone said something horrible to you.” Alexia replied, resting her hand under your chin and tilting it up towards her face when you wouldn’t look at her yourself. “I would never be mad at you for being insecure, mi amor. I understand. It just means I do not tell you enough how much I love you.”
“You tell me so often.” You laughed, and Alexia smiled sadly down at you.
“Well, I need to tell you more.” She reiterated, leaning down to brush her lips to yours. “I love you.” She moved her lips to your cheek. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” She continued, pressing kisses to every inch of your face, repeating the words in between every kiss. When she pulled away, whispering a final I love you against your lips, you were quite sure that you believed her. And that you’d never felt more loved in your life.
-------
“Please come with me.” Mapi begged from the passenger seat.
Ingrid smiled sympathetically. “No, this is something you need to do yourself.”
“My sister gets to have her girlfriend there.” Mapi said grumpily.
“Your sister’s girlfriend is part of the conversation.”
Mapi sighed, turning slightly more serious. “Ingrid, I don’t know what to say.”
“You aren’t the one doing the talking yet, elskling. Hear them out. And then tell them what you think.”
“Right. Okay. I can do this.”
“You can do this.” Ingrid agreed, before unbuckling her girlfriend’s seatbelt for her, as it seemed she wasn’t quite going to take the first step. It was almost entertaining, watching Mapi move like a snail as she grabbed her phone and slowly, slowly, got out of the car.
-------
“They’ve been in the driveway for like 7 minutes.” You noted, leaning your head on Alexia’s shoulder.
She sipped her coffee, smiling slightly as she gazed out the window with you. “Maybe she is picking out the weapon she is going to kill me with.”
“Don’t say that.” you groaned, wacking your girlfriend on the arm.
“I am just kidding, amor. She isn't going to kill me, or you. It’s all going to be fine.”
You didn’t say anything in response. All you could think was that you hoped to god she was right.
------
You’d never seen Mapi so reserved, as she walked through Alexia’s door, and took a seat in the big armchair. You sat on the couch next to Alexia, much farther away than you would have normally sat next to her, but you were trying to ease your sister into this whole thing.
It was awkwardly silent as you all sat looking at each other for a minute, none of you really knowing where to start or what to say.
“How long?” Mapi asked eventually, fixing her gaze on Alexia.
“A year.” You said quietly, the significant amount of time not making you feel any less guilty.
“A year?” Mapi breathed, looking between the two of you incredulously.
“A year last week.” Alexia confirmed. She shifted slightly, sliding her foot across the floor so that her sock squished against yours. Your girlfriend was nervous, you realized.
“Why… why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I understand if this was new and you weren’t telling anyone, but it’s been a year. You’ve never dated anyone for longer than a month, hermanita, why would you keep this from me?”
Alexia opened her mouth to reply, but you recognized the question was directed at you and your sister would not appreciate your girlfriend speaking for you.
“At first, we just wanted to see where things were going. And then… I don’t know. It was just easier not to tell. We didn’t have to deal with anyone’s reactions or opinions that didn’t matter-”
“My opinion does not matter?” Mapi interjected, frowning sadly at you.
“Of course it does, María, I just… I wanted to decide this for myself. Without you being for it or against it, I wanted to decide how I felt about Alexia before anyone told me how I should feel.” You explained, relieved when your sister nodded slightly.
“Me too.” Alexia tacked on, wincing slightly when you stomped on her foot a bit, though her face fell further when Mapi turned to her with a cold glare.
“You have been keeping my sister a secret from everyone. Are you ashamed of her?”
“María!” You yelped, looking horrified at her.
Alexia remained calm, though, keeping steady eye contact with your sister. “No. She is the most important thing to me. We decided to keep it a secret together. I would have told the whole world that I loved her the minute I knew, if it would have made sense. People are still insane about me and Jenni, though, and I did not want her to get caught in the crossfire. It was just easier for both of us if no one knew.”
Mapi looked slightly less angry now.
“We were going to tell you. Next week at brunch, we were going to tell you, Mapi, I promise, this just happened first, and…”
“What that girl said to her,” Mapi began, again looking at your girlfriend with a slightly accusatory expression.
“Is false. Completely and entirely false. I want your sister, and her only. No one else.” Alexia spoke with conviction, and you felt a small smile on your face before you could stop it.
Mapi nodded thoughtfully, then fixed her attention on you. “And you are happy?”
“Yeah. I’m really happy, Mapi.”
“And you? You are happy?” She asked, again looking at Alexia.
“Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” Your girlfriend said honestly, though you could see the tips of her ears turning slightly red; Alexia never had been good at expressing her feelings.
“Okay then.” Mapi said. “If you are both happy, then I am happy.”
“Really?” You asked, looking skeptically at your sister. She normally made things much more difficult than this.
Mapi just rolled her eyes. “Of course. You are both adults, and I trust you. I don’t think many people are good enough for you, hermanita, but if anyone is… it’s Ale. I guess.” She added the last part when Alexia looked close to tears. They weren’t expressive friends, normally showing their appreciation for each other through actions rather than words.
You stood, walking over to your sister and pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, María, but I’m really really glad you know.”
“Yeah, yeah. I love you.” Mapi said gruffly, ruffling your hair like she used to do when you were much younger. As you flattened it back down with an annoyed look thrown at your sister, Alexia moved forward, pulling her best friend into a hug.
When Mapi whispered in her ear, Alexia wasn’t surprised at all. “If you hurt her, I will tear you limb from limb, Putellas. I mean it.”
Alexia knew she did.
And she had every intention of never hurting you, for as long as she lived. The ring she’d brought way too soon that sat in her sock drawer was evidence of that. The baby names she sometimes thought of when she lay awake at night were evidence. The way she looked at you, though, like you lit up every corner of her life, was the best evidence.
When Alexia tugged you into a hug next, Mapi knew from the way that her friend looked at you, that this was different. This was going to be forever. You were happy, and you were with her best friend, and there wasn’t much of a problem your sister could have with that. If you got married and changed your name to Putellas, though. That’s where she’d draw the line.
------
hope you enjoyed 🙂
#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso one shot#woso fanfics#alexia putellas x reader#león!reader#barcelona femeni x reader
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Thinking about dark overprotective Rafe Cameron with pregnant clumsy reader 🥹💕
Love Plus One
A/N: i hope this lives up to your fantasies 😉
Warnings: noncon/forced sex, coercion, smut, forced pregnancy (but reader doesn’t know), pregnant sex, abusive relationship, guilt tripping, choking, slut shaming, slapping, controlling behavior, threats of violence, reader has some negative thoughts about her pregnant body
After the first time that you slipped in the shower without Rafe there to catch you, despite that fact that you had easily caught yourself before falling, Rafe had made you promise to not take any more showers without him. “If I had been there, you probably wouldn’t have slipped in the first place,” he grumbled.
Rafe suddenly became very involved in prepping and cooking meals for you. He gave you plenty of options, planning weekly menus for you and shopping accordingly, all to make sure that both you, and his baby, were getting all of the nutrients you needed. Rafe always did love your cooking, but now he chose to cook for you practically every night. “You shouldn’t have to be running around the kitchen when you’re pregnant, baby.”
You noticed one day that there was a location tracking app on your phone that you hadn’t downloaded, when you angrily asked Rafe about it, the look of worry on his face almost made you want to cry, “I just get anxious when you’re out sweetheart. The world is full of men that would love nothing more than to hurt you, and I did that to make sure you were staying safe, Y/N.” His eyes flicked between your eyes and your growing belly, which was now beginning to show much more. After that you apologized to him for getting mad about it, giving him a big hug.
Rafe would want to spend all of his time with you, which you found cute at first, but after a while, you started to feel a bit suffocated by him. Your boyfriend was so concerned about “keeping you safe” that he would barely allow you to leave your shared house.
Even walking around the neighborhood or, god forbid, running, was completely off limits.
You knew that it was because you were clumsy, he was right. You always had been, but now was not the time for being accident prone. Not when you had Rafe Cameron’s child growing inside of you.
However, you did feel like at times he could be overprotective of you. Even demeaning occasionally. Like he didn’t trust you to make your own decisions.
When you drove to the store at just 4 months pregnant, Rafe called you 5 times before you finally picked up. You had just wanted to get out of the house for a bit and enjoy the spring air while getting some chores done, but when you returned home one would have thought that you had been skiing on Mount Everest, given Rafe’s reaction. “Why would you leave without telling me? I would have gone to the store for you, Y/N! You shouldn’t have even been carrying those bags by yourself!” Pointing out how little you had actually ended up purchasing, just two plastic bags worth of things, was pointless. “You could have fallen or-or some guy could have kidnapped you!” He huffed, and you could feel the list of locations you could go alone, or even with Rafe, dwindling down to only one place, your apartment.
Rafe had always been incredibly touchy with you, one of the reasons you had gotten pregnant with his baby in the first place. It’s not that you didn’t want kids, you had just always imagined that it would have been different, you would be older and married, and living in a 2 story house with your husband of several years.
Instead, here you were, still in your early 20s, pregnant with your boyfriend of 3 years’ child. You loved Rafe and could see yourself marrying him one day, but you were both still so young! Getting pregnant this early had never been in the plans.
Despite using birth control and condoms, you had somehow gotten pregnant, a fact that took you a while to accept, and after Rafe urged you to not get an abortion, you begrudgingly accepted that you were going to be a mother a couple years sooner than expected.
Of course, you had no idea that this was no accident at all. Rafe had been swapping out your birth control pills for placebos and poking holes in every condom he put on. Of course one of his favorite things about you being pregnant was that he could finally fuck you raw now.
Pregnancy hormones had definitely upped your libido at the beginning of your pregnancy, a fact that thrilled Rafe. He had never felt so desired by you, and he was more than happy to oblige with all of your requests.
Anytime you were feeling under the weather or upset about something, Rafe would coax you into bed and eat you out for what felt like hours. He loved your changing body so much, always kissing and sucking on your full, sensitive breasts and rubbing your growing tummy. The blond would slowly delve between your plush thighs, gingerly kissing and nipping at your soft skin before turning his attention to your already slick pussy, eagerly lapping up your juices and teasing your clit.
Rafe loved to satisfy you, but he also loved to draw it out as long as possible, keeping you on the brink of coming for ten minutes before finally giving in to your begging whimpers. He loved the feeling of you coming on his tongue, the way you tasted and how you squirmed in his grasp, tears forming in your eyes when you whined that it was too much for you.
You would come again just from him teasing you with the tip of his cock, rubbing it along your messy slit and tapping it against your already tender clit.
When he pushed all of himself inside of you, you hissed in a wonderful mix of pleasure and pain, wrapping your legs around his waist and digging your nails into his broad shoulders.
Rafe loved watching your face as he fucked you, the way your eyes would unfocus as you looked up at him, your plump lips separating and the beautiful sound of your moans and whimpers was almost enough to make him bury his load in you immediately, but the feel of your tight cunt squeezing his cock was a sensation he didn’t want to give up just yet.
He plunged himself into your dripping pussy over and over again, filling you up in a way that made your eyes squeeze shut, toes curling as you clung to him.
After you came a third time, tensing around him and crying as you mindlessly babbled through whimpers, Rafe’s large hand covered your mouth, and the doe eyes you gave him as he frantically rutted into you made him spill all of his warm cum into your soaked cunt.
Every time he pulled out of you, he would reach for your sensitive pussy, spreading your lips and watching his cum begin to drip out of you before pushing it deeper inside your pussy with two fingers. God he wished he could get you pregnant again while you were already pregnant. Just one kid wasn’t enough for Rafe Cameron, and unbeknownst to you, he had plans for the two of you to have a large family.
Gradually, as your body changed, so did your sex drive. Rafe showered you with compliments as always, reminding you constantly how much he loved your body and the way it looked now, which made you a bit torn. Personally, you felt you were now less desirable, and it made you much more reluctant to give in to his high demands.
Rafe respected your boundaries at first, although he never failed to complain about his needs not being met, and even though you were sure of your decisions, you couldn’t help but feel guilty that you couldn’t satisfy him sexually every night.
After a full week of you denying him, Rafe was fed up with your ‘no’s’
“Maybe we shouldn’t have sex tonight Rafe,” you nervously stammered. “I’m just not feeling the best about my body right now.”
“So let me make you feel good baby,” Rafe purred in your ear, sensually rubbing your thighs, which you were squeezing together.
You still didn’t feel up to having sex tonight, and you told your boyfriend as much, but it was like he wasn’t listening to you.
His fingers creeped down your thighs, his strong arms slowly pried your legs apart and you flinched when he began rubbing you over the fabric of your shorts.
“Rafe, please.” You begged with him, anxiety building in your chest when he still didn’t stop.
“Please what?” He mocked you, slipping his fingers past your panties and teasing your clit. You squirmed in his grasp, a sick feeling settling in your gut when you realized Rafe was determined to get what he wanted.
When you tried to push his hand away, the other flew out, slapping you across the face, hard enough to shock you without leaving a mark.
“Stop fucking moving!” He shouted at you and you could feel tears welling behind your eyes. “You’re gonna hurt our baby.”
You tried to tell him that you didn’t want to have to fight off your boyfriend of 3 years, that you were only resisting in the first place because he hadn’t respected your ‘no,’ but when Rafe pushed all of himself inside of you with one thrust, your mind went blank and you froze beneath him.
“Fuck, Y/N,” he groaned, arms shaking slightly as he basked in the feeling of your unprepared cunt squeezing his cock. “I swear to god, you’ve only gotten tighter, baby. Y’feel so good.”
Hot tears were streaming down your cheeks, from both physical discomfort and distress at what your boyfriend was doing to you, the way he was violating you.
Every stroke of his cock was agonizing, and even after your body had adjusted and it began to feel good, the fact that you hadn’t wanted this at all tainted the entire experience. You felt ashamed by the delicious way his cock stretched you out and how your body reacted to his touch.
You had given up fighting back altogether, Rafe’s thinly veiled threat echoing in your ears every time you wanted to push him off of you, although his hands had yours gripped so tight, there was no chance you could have gotten away.
You were scared because Rafe was hurting you, but you were even more terrified at the thought of him hurting your baby.
When your release hit you unexpectedly, you felt utterly betrayed by your body. Your tear choked whimpers filled the room as you came around him, accompanied by the lewd sounds of Rafe plunging his cock into you repeatedly.
Rafe sneered down at you as he snapped his hips against yours, “I thought you didn’t want this, hm? So reluctant until I stuff my cock in you and then you can’t get enough.”
His words made your face burn with shame, and your stomach flipped in disgust at both him and yourself.
When his free hand wrapped around your throat, your eyes widened and you jerked against his touch, but his hold on you was unwavering and unforgiving.
“I’m not gonna let you walk all over me just because you’re pregnant.” Rafe seethed, his pace picking up as he chased his release. “You’ve got my kid growing inside you. Just means you belong to me now even more than you did before.”
His fingers tightened around your throat as he came, choking you so hard your vision started to grow fuzzy and black around the edges. The feeling of his sticky cum coating your walls made you want to throw up.
Rafe pulled out and you realized he was talking to you, but you couldn’t hear anything he said, you just nodded numbly, trying to come back to reality as your ears rang and his muffled voice filled the tense air that was permeating the room.
“-maybe now you’ll actually fucking listen to me,” he rambled on, and as you nervously laid in bed beside him, trying to doze off and forget everything that he had just done to you, you realized you were utterly terrified of your boyfriend.
#rafe cameron#dark!rafe cameron#dark rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron noncon#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fanfic#dark!rafe x reader#dark!rafe cameron x reader#love plus one
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i’ve been thinking about this a lot- imagine being in a long distance relationship (online) with svt and meeting them for the first time, would they be shy, awkward, clingy, horny…? if not with every member it’s okay only hoshi🤧 i love your work so much you’re one of the first seventeen writers i’ve followed
18+ / mdi
meeting a long-distance s/o for the first time
content: established relationship, long distance, fluff, mentions of sex, etc.
wc: 935
a/n: this was so cute to write!! sorry it took me months</3
masterlist
seungcheol -
he's imagined meeting you for ages, so he'd make sure he looked as pristine as possible for your first meeting. would want you to wanna jump his bones upon the first meeting, knowing that his dumb boy hormones would probably get the best of him as soon as he smelled your perfume. however! he'd be the perfect gentleman as he got used to your presence, wowing you being his main goal.
jeonghan -
for once, he'd have no words. you'd have caught him off guard at first, making him gape at you the moment he saw you until regaining his senses. he'd be incredibly cuddly and accustomed to you within less than an hour. would act as if this was your day to day life and whine at any mention of future separation.
joshua -
as smooth as he is, he'd be a little awkward around you the first time. despite knowing you so well and speaking to you literally every single day, having you in person would just make him incredibly nervous for some reason. it'd be so out of character for him, constantly slapping himself mentally, thinking he was embarrassing himself. in the end, though, you'd just be equally endeared by him.
jun -
becomes the clingiest person alive. even though he can sometimes come off as shy, he'll somehow just not feel that at all with you even if it's your first time meeting in person. he'll feel this emotional pull to you that would scream at him to keep himself glued to you as much as possible. just completely enamored by you immediately. honeymoon phase but on steroids.
soonyoung -
a mixture of nervous, happy and horny. he'd start off by being nervous, having never thought it to be possible to grow so infatuated with someone through an online relationship. he'd move onto an intense sense of happiness the moment he finally held you, believing this to easily be one of the best moments of his life. lastly, he'd only last so long until beginning to feel horny, having you so close to him and remembering all those nights he wished to feel you in person.
wonwoo -
he'd be the type to stand at the airport with a little sign as he waited for you, a silly grin on his face the moment he spotted you. the sign would be damned as soon as you were near enough for him to hug you. you'd be that annoying couple at the airport that's just morphed into one another, but he wouldn't care. he'd stay there for as long as humanly possible.
jihoon -
so anxious about it he almost doesnt show up lol. would have to be physically pushed by one of his members to actually show up bc of how nervous he was about meeting you for the first time. what if you weren't into him? what if you were disappointed? would have to slap himself at having had those thoughts the moment he actually met you, realizing it was all in his head.
seokmin -
he'd literally cry at seeing you for the first time. would have to be held back from doing one of those cheesy encounters where you run into each other's arms at the airport. he literally becomes glued to you afterwards, cheeks hurting from how happy he is to finally have you here with him.
mingyu -
he'd be so sure he wouldnt cry, but he still would lol. he'd be smiling all through it, though. would hug you and that'd be the last time you were ever physically apart bc he'd be somehow touching you at every waking moment, not wanting a second of separation bc you've already been apart for so long. he'd wanna wait a little while to get further than that, but you best believe he'll be thinking about it from the moment he saw you.
minghao -
he knows distance makes the heart go fonder, so he doesnt mind the nature of your relationship. still, he'd be so happy to finally see you, feeling flustered and shy upon the first meeting. it'd be filled with fleeting touches and timid eye contact. but regardless of this, you'd somehow still end up in bed together. his love for you just needed to manifest in the most physical way possible to make up for lost time.
seungkwan -
as much as he'd wanna use his charismatic mc personality to break the ice, he'd still be the shiest thing around you at first. he'd take a little while to get rid of his awkwardness, just too into you to act like a regular human being. even hand holding would feel a little awkward, but he'd push through his shyness to be close to you.
vernon -
as per usual, he'd be a little more chill about it. would be a bit anxious but would not let it show. as soon as you met, though, all nerves would leave him. he'd be more physically affectionate than usual as he made up for all the time in which he didn't have you in his presence. it also wouldn't take long into your shared proximity for him to want to take things further.
chan -
he'd be so embarrassingly excited to meet you for the first time, all his members would be forced to hear about it, even knowing the mere minute in which you were landing bc chan just would not shut up. the moment would be touching and full of hugs and shy giggles, but soon enough it'd turn into taking you back home and not letting you out of his bed for an entire week.
#seventeen x reader#seventeen fanfic#svt fanfic#svt x reader#seventeen imagine#seventeen oneshot#svt reactions#seventeen reactions
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The Dog House
summary: leah misses date night, she tries to make it up to you
warnings: leah being leah i guess…
a/n: based off this request !
word count: 1.2k
-
Leah’s been distracted lately. It’s not that you’re not important to her—you are—but there’s a lot going on. Training, media obligations, a sudden obsession with learning to bake sourdough bread for reasons you don’t quite understand. And her house is full of these massive jars of starter that she’s named things like “Gertrude” and “Stephen” and “Samantha.” Stephen’s the strongest one, apparently. Not that you care.
You’re trying to be supportive. Really, you are. But it’s getting weird.
So when you text her a gentle reminder about date night, you’re half-expecting a response that sounds like it’s written by one of those clunky bots—like, “Of course, darling! Can’t wait to see you tonight! ❤️❤️❤️” That’s what she’d usually do. Instead, you get nothing.
Hours pass. You start to get annoyed. Then you get anxious. Then you start wondering if maybe Leah’s planning some big surprise and that’s why she’s not responding. You imagine her secretly arranging a rooftop dinner with fairy lights and a string quartet, where she’ll confess she’s been so preoccupied because she’s actually writing a book about how incredible you are.
But then you come back to reality and grasp she probably just forgot.
By 7 PM, you’re pacing around the flat, wearing the outfit you picked out two days ago—a dress you specifically bought because Leah said you looked “so fucking sexy” in red, even though it’s so tight you can’t even breathe properly. Your makeup is perfect, your hair is styled, and you’re sitting on the couch, stewing in a potent cocktail of Chanel No. 5 and disappointment.
Finally, you text her again.
> Hey, you on your way?
Nothing.
Ten minutes later, still nothing.
By 8 PM, you’re starting to wonder what the protocol is for someone forgetting a date night. Do you call? Do you show up to their house with a “We need to talk” face? Do you… dump them? No, that’s too extreme, even though it would make a great story for your friends.
Finally, at 8:13, your phone buzzes.
> Shit. Be there in 20. Promise. Don’t hate me
You almost laugh, except you’re too irritated to find anything funny right now. Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes is nothing. She probably still smells like whatever alien protein shakes she drinks after training, which you pretend to like but secretly think taste like a mix of chalk and regret.
But you wait. Because you love her. Or because you’re a sucker. Or both.
Leah arrives at 8:42, disheveled and clearly not sorry enough. She’s holding a Tesco bag, which is never a good sign. Tesco bags mean last-minute attempts at forgiveness, and you don’t care how cute she looks in her sweats.
Okay, you care a little, but still.
“I’m so sorry,” she says as she bursts through the door, dropping the bag for life onto the floor like she’s just run a marathon. “I lost track of time”
You cross your arms and give her a look. The kind of look that says, Really?
“I know, I know,” she continues, talking at a speed that suggests she’s trying to cram a day’s worth of apologies into the next thirty seconds. “I’ve been so caught up with—”
“—Stephen?”
Leah blinks. “Stephen?”
“Your sourdough. Stephen”
“Oh. Right.” Leah runs a hand through her hair, which only makes it messier. “I might’ve forgotten to feed him, too”
“I’m sure he’s devastated,” you say, deadpan.
“I’m devastated,” Leah says, doing her best impression of someone who’s sincerely regretful. She takes a step closer, giving you that puppy-dog look that normally melts you but tonight just feels like she’s trying to disarm a bomb. “But I have a plan”
You raise an eyebrow. “A plan?”
“Yeah. A plan to make it up to you.” She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet like she’s about to reveal a new Tesla or something.
You stare at her, unimpressed. “Does it involve anything that’s not in that bag?”
She laughs, and you can’t help but soften a little. She’s got this laugh that makes you feel like everything is going to be okay, even when she’s screwed up royally.
“Come on,” she says, grabbing the bag and heading to the kitchen. “Trust me. You’ll love it”
You don’t follow her immediately. You want to see how this plays out before you commit to pretending everything is okay. So you stand there in the doorway, watching as she pulls out ingredients that don’t really go together.
“Leah, what exactly are you planning to do with pickles, chocolate syrup, and a single red onion?”
She grins at you like she’s just cracked the code to the universe. “It’s a surprise”
“I’m surprised you even made it here alive if that’s what you’ve been eating lately”
Leah’s grin doesn’t waver. She’s on a mission now, and there’s no stopping her. “Look, just sit down. I’ve got this”
You sit, but mostly because your feet hurt in the heels you’re wearing and the sofa is closer than the bedroom. Leah’s bustling around the kitchen, and you can’t tell if she’s actually cooking or just making noise to buy herself more time.
Minutes later, she emerges with a tray. The tray has candles on it, which is at least a step in the right direction. Then you see what she’s made.
Two plates of what can only be described as… nachos. But they’re not nachos. They’re a weird interpretation of nachos where the tortilla chips have been replaced with some kind of protein bar, the cheese is… okay, there’s no cheese, and the toppings are just random things she found in your fridge.
She sets the tray down in front of you with the pride of a five-star chef presenting their signature dish.
“Voilà!” she announces, beaming.
You stare at the concoction in front of you, then back at her. “Leah, what the hell is this?”
“It’s my way of saying sorry”
You look at her, then at the nachos again. “You could’ve just said ‘I’m sorry’ like a normal person”
“But this is better,” she insists, her enthusiasm unwavering. “It’s like, an experience”
“Yeah, I’m experiencing regret,” you say, eyeing the “nachos” with suspicion.
Leah laughs again, this time a little sheepishly. “Okay, so maybe the food’s not great. But it’s the thought that counts, right?”
“You’re seriously expecting me to eat this?” you ask, poking at one of the protein bars with your fork like it might bite back.
Leah’s face falls just a little, and suddenly, you realise that she’s actually trying. She’s terrible at this—so, so terrible—but she’s trying.
And that’s why you love her.
“Fine,” you say with a sigh. “But if I get food poisoning, you’re sleeping on the couch”
She grins, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek. “Deal”
You end up eating the nachos. They’re awful, but Leah’s so happy you’re eating them that you can’t help but smile. She’s sitting there, watching you like you’re the most fascinating thing in the world, and you can’t help but remember that this is her way of showing she cares.
After dinner, she pulls out a bottle of wine—an actual, normal bottle of wine—and the two of you sit on the sofa, talking and laughing until you’re both too tired to keep your eyes open.
She falls asleep first, her head on your shoulder, snoring softly. You’re still a little annoyed at her, but you know she’ll make it up to you in other ways. And tomorrow, you’ll probably laugh about this whole thing.
#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#awfc#awfc x reader#engwnt#engwnt x reader#woso#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso community
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I'm just such a big fan of Edwin having some permanent issues after a second trip to hell and the final run in with Esther.
I like the idea that he actually has to sleep now. Nowhere near what a living human needs but more then he ever needed before. Maybe sleeping for several hours every few weeks.
Iron wounds take longer to heal, even though Edwin has always had a higher pain tolerance due to his experiences in hell.
When he's really tired, things start to hurt. Tender pain along all his joints, the spots where the demon spider found it was the easiest to tear him apart.
He get bruises under his eyes, headaches, occasionally a little chill, stiffness, and just a general aching all over his body.
It's hard for Edwin to sleep, for several reasons. Nightmares, anxiety, restlessness, and just being stubborn.
The vulnerability of sleep is terrifying.
The idea of leaving Edwin alone somewhere to sleep, even in their office, has Charles skin pickling. Especially knowing Edwin is also reluctant to sleep without him there.
So, Edwin does not sleep alone. Ever. Occasionally he gets left with Niko, and sometimes Crystal, but it's for very brief amounts of time before he's back with Charles.
It should be embarrassing to have these issues now, and it is, but they're even closer after Port Townsend and it's not something Edwin can avoid. He has to sleep now.
Really, it comes down to does he wants to keep it to himself and nap when no one else is around to avoid feeling weak? Or does he want to sleep with the comfort of knowing someone is with him and hell won't take him before he even gets a chance to wake up?
It comes down to how fearful is he of something dragging him off into hell again and the answer is apparently incredibly so.
Also, if he's going to look vulnerable and weak then it might as well be with Charles, who's seen him at his worst.
He tries not to overthink how pleased Charles is each time Edwin seeks him out for a nap or how good it feels to be held, the safest place he can think of is in Charles arms or under his sharp watch.
Charles hovers, and he's aware of it. He can't convince himself to stray too far from Edwin. Part of it's because he's protective, reluctant to leave Edwin in anyone else's hands when he's more vulnerable then before.
Part of it is selfish, he's a little possessive. A sleeping Edwin is not something anyone else needs to see. Edwin in pain is not something anyone else needs to see.
Crystal had recently demanded they have a bed available in the office for when her and Niko stayed over, even though they rarely use it. It's soft, covered in pillows and blankets, and Edwin has taken to hiding away in it when he sleeps. Crystal looks incredibly pleased when it slips that Edwin uses it and Charles is hit with a intense wave of fondness for her.
No one needs to see Edwin like this. Especially not when he loses a lot of his layers and curls up in something more comfortable. It leaves him vulnerable, his throat and wrists bare, and looking smaller without all extra clothing.
Nobody needs to see how he only really lets himself sleep when Charles is in bed with him or close enough in the room to reach out for if needed. He watches Charles do whatever it is he's doing with half lidded eyes, a strip of green that stubbornly stays visible until Charles is closer.
In the beginning they thought it was something temporary. Ghost don't need to sleep, Charles never sleeps. Sometimes he can get himself to relax enough that it's almost like sleeping but it's not anywhere near actual sleep.
They think it's just him trying to make up what Esther took.
But it keeps happening. Again and again.
And it makes them both anxious. Charles is worried about why Edwin suddenly needs to sleep but Edwin is worried about the actual sleeping part.
He does not want to sleep. Sleep means dreaming and nothing good will come from his dreams, he's sure of it.
It's also scary. Sleep is a weakness, it leaves him vulnerable and unaware. He doesn't want to sleep.
In those first few weeks where they all still thought this would pass, exhaustion caught up to him one evening as they were finishing up a long case. Charles was out and he couldn't even think about how wonderful it would be to go to go lay down because Charles was not there.
The office was too quiet. It made him restless and he would have paced but he was feeling especially sore that day. His hands had ached while he was writing and he had to stop frequently to flex them.
He was weak, alone, and rapidly sliding into a decreased mental awareness due to exhaustion. It's not a situation he liked.
They weren't apart for long those days, and still aren't, so Charles is back pretty quickly but it's long enough that Edwin was struggling. He blinked sleepily at Charles, with eyes that itched when they shouldn't have, and he must have looked terrible because Charles straightened up a little bit and his eyes jumped around the room before he relaxed.
He said something, dropped his bag and walked forward until he could put his hands on Edwin and that's it. Edwin leaned forward until he was relying on Charles to hold him up, turned his face into his neck and passed out still standing up.
It doesn't get that bad again. Charles is good about noticing when Edwin starts to slow down, and when it takes him a little longer to string his words together or explain himself. He picks up the way he carries himself different on day where things hurt a little more or how he rubs his temple when he feels a headache coming on.
He herds Edwin to bed like a sheep dog and makes sure everything is locked up so they won't be bothered. Edwin had managed to find a spell that would keep anyone else, living and none, out of their office when activated. It's perfect for extra privacy and security.
Charles hates that Edwin was hurt enough that he needs this now, and he hates seeing him wore down and exhausted... but part of him loves these days.
Edwin sleepy and soft, usually pulling Charles down with him until they're under all the blankets and pillows, tucked on their own little world.
He clings when he sleeps. He buries his face in Charles throat and under his chin like he's trying to hide, presses in as close as he can until they're completely tangled together. Not that Charles has any problem with that. He runs his fingers over skin in soothing gestures and pulls him in close if he starts to show any signs of a nightmare.
He wakes up with hair sticking up and clothes rumpled, blinking at Charles a few times as he tries to wake up enough to remember what's happening. Sometimes, Charles gets lucky and Edwin will stretch out like a cat before readjusting himself to be close again and doze off for a little longer.
It knocks the breath he doesn't need out of his lungs and love sits in his throat until it threatens to choke him.
Sometimes there are nightmares and Edwin shoves himself away desperately with a pained and fearful noise that has Charles cringing. Edwin stares at him from the other side of the bed, eyes big but unfocused in a way that shows he's not actually seeing Charles. He's tight, tense and completely locked up. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. They're both still laying down, and Charles doesn't move even though he wants to. He starts talking, low and soft, keeps doing that until Edwin starts to relax again. It's a slow process and it takes a while before Edwin is relaxed enough that Charles can reach out and coax him back closer. He's exhausted after those little episodes, too tired and his body too sore from being so tense to put up much of a fight as Charles tucks him in close again. Sometimes he's asleep before they're even settled back in, limp with sleep as Charles rearranges him in a way that won't have him aching when he wakes up.
Sometimes Charles is too wired to lay down, even if cuddling is great motivation, and he keeps himself busy while Edwin rests. Sometimes they're in the middle of a case and there's still work that needs to be done, so he does what can while until Edwin is back up and functional.
It's a powerful feeling, having Edwin trust him so much and so openly. Sometimes Charles has to check on him, the quiet and unmoving lump on the bed making him nervous until he looks him over, just to make sure everything is okay. It's hard to tell sometimes since they don't breathe like the living, and Edwin sleeps so quiet. He doesn't even flinch at Charles getting close, nothing triggering those survival instincts gained in hell that would have him awake and moving if it was anyone else this close.
God help anyone stupid enough to try something when they're like this. He'd fight anyone who disturbed them, anyone who woke Edwin up from his much needed rest or threaten to cause them harm. It burns under his skin and it makes his teeth itch.
Nothing would separate them. Nothing could take them away from each other.
#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda#chronic pain edwin keeps me going#you know he's gotta be all fucked up from everything#plus if Esther figured out she could use him then you know there's going to be others who are going to figure it out and give it a try too#anyway#solving cases with greyskyflowers
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