#the specifics are VERY unknown but my dad just dropped this on me during family dinner and i-

[lemonzestywrites]

new zesty lore just dropped- apparently i’m half middle eastern?

[razrbladekiss]

Tyrants | Chapter Four - Peril

WORD COUNT: 5.1k

WARNINGS: Mentions of death, drug use, Tig being Tig. The usual SOA shit. Sorry Donna..

She always saw the beauty in darkness. The lugubrious belle that came alongside the moon and stars and whatever else lurked amidst the murk of nighttime.

Isla was cliche in that sense.

She was cliche in the sense that she adored watching the sun set, swallowed by the mountains and high-rise buildings as the evening fell and Charming was painted black.

And maybe it was mostly melancholic because of the horrors that swathed that small town, but it was still beautiful nonetheless.

She still liked to bask in the scenery, to discern the marvel of her home, from the highest point she could access. And, sometimes, she liked to take somebody along with her so she wasn't completely alone.

"Why'd you still come up here?" Ope asked, pulling himself onto the roof as she sat with her back to the wall--puffing on a cigarette.

"Because it's quiet." She was content, comfortable with her response. "And whenever I'm looking for Jax, or Gem, or my dad--or they're looking for me--this is where we're almost always found. Just people watching, or reminiscing, or having a few minutes to ourselves away from the chaos downstairs."

It wasn't an unknown safe space--Gemma had told her that JT and Clay would climb up there during the earliest days of the club--but it was special.

Jax, Opie, and Isla spent time up there as kids, too. Because they were bastards and were always running from their fathers--and den mother--and the roof of the clubhouse was their go-to.

She never really got out of that habit. She'd spend hours up there if she could, just watching as Charming bustled beneath her. And she liked that it was separate to the garage, but everyone knew where to find her if they needed her.

"It clears your head, being up here." She added. "I have got so much shit going on right now--between work, and my personal life--but coming up here is like a refreshment, I guess."

Opie understood what she meant because he was also seeking comfort in the night. Riding through dusk, spending time alone on his bike as he cruised the streets of his quaint town, relishing in the darkness because it was strangely comforting to him.

He liked to be alone. His thoughts were brutal and they seared his brain left and fucking right, but he liked his own company.

"Wish I thought about comin' up here when I was released from holding." The man chuckled, balancing a cigarette between his lips. "Stahl grilled the fuck outta me."

"She did?"

"Yeah. She really fuckin' did." He added, grunting as smoke blew from his nostrils. "Did she get you? I know she got Gemma."

"Nope, she didn't. I don't know why, though. She interrogated everyone else. Starting to feel a little left out."

Opie chuckled, smiling a bit. "Be glad. It's obvious that she's used to getting what she wants."

"And did you give it to her?"

"Fuck no." Isla smiled. Proud. "She can cross-examine me all she fuckin' wants—I'll never sell the club out."

"They know that, Ope."

"I know." Half confidently, he nodded. "Just—Stahl made me second guess it all, y'know?"

Nobody in Charming--aside from the PD--knew where that despicable bitch came from, and nobody cared to ask.

What they did know, though, was that she had her heart set on making that town a living fucking hell as she strived to eradicate the Sons of Anarchy by getting to its members.

She'd grilled everyone she could've. She cornered Gemma when she was out running errands, leaving the grocery store with a sour taste in her mouth when Teller told her where to fucking shove it.

Same went for Jax, and Clay, and Chibs, and Tig, and...Well, all of them told her to get fucked, actually.

None of them caved. None of them wanted to sell the club out because there was no reason to.

Well, there was a reason to, but no desire to.

There'd been murders. Three, to be specific. And one of them just happened to be a police officer--which was quite unlucky, but it wasn't awful.

They hated cops.

What they hated more, however, was the idea of getting caught by them. And Clay was. Somehow, anyway.

Piney's old "friend"--Nate Meineke--needed quality, albeit illegal, guns with no traceability to attack the convoy that was transporting one of his friends from point A to point B. And it went as swimmingly as possible...

Until June Stahl was put on the case and found that idiot's phone at the scene after dropping it mid-ambush.

Clay just happened to be the last person he had called. Which then caused the investigation to point toward Charming.

They all knew the Sons were guilty of supplying those weapons. Who else would it have been? They were known for running illegal firearms without batch numbers from a quaint Californian town whose name didn't quite fit its image.

It was blatant, though nobody gave it up.

But Stahl tried her damndest to get answers. And when she didn't, she targeted the member that she saw to be the most vulnerable--after a hit went wrong and he failed to cover his tracks--and Opie just happened to be that guy.

She questioned him for hours. She practically held the man captive in that little cell until he caved. But he didn't--and he wasn't going to, either.

He was loyal. That's one of the reasons why Jax wanted to patch him back in.

"Yeah, I know." Isla got to her feet when she heard Tig yelling for her downstairs. "But you're the strongest guy I know, Ope. I don't think Stahl, of all people, is gonna get to you."

He shrugged her off, flicking the butt of his cigarette to the gravelly ground of the roof.

Opie had changed. Not much, and it wasn't very apparent, but he'd changed. Chino had changed him, she thought.

He was still dedicated to his club, still in love with the reaper and the responsibility that came with the patch--but Opie Winston lacked that flicker of enthusiasm now.

"How does your dad feel about you being back at the table?"

"Said he's proud of me."

He was a man of very, very few words. But the tone that he took--the sheer relief twined into contentment--spoke a greater volume.

Piney would always support his son, feel a sense of gratification from his involvement in the club. And, of course, Ope felt grateful to be back--but it was different now.

He'd served time for his club. Donna consistently argued that they sold him out and that he was fucking stupid for running back into the arms of SAMCRO.

But it was his brotherhood. The Sons of Anarchy were his family--his lifeline. He was nothing if not blessed to be patched back in.

"And I guess that wife of yours isn't too happy about it?"

"How'd you reach that conclusion?"

"Well," she ignored that Tig was waiting for her, standing directly in front of him. "If she was genuinely thrilled about you being back here, she'd have been coming to Gemma's dinners, and spending more time at the clubhouse with us. But she isn't, and I'm starting to realize that she probably hates me now."

His head shook. "She doesn't hate you. It's just...It's just raw. Weird being back, I think."

"She didn't even have to leave. She knows that."

Donna did know that. But there was always something about Gemma. About the way she let things slide so often, how she felt that she had Clay so pussy whipped that he'd be at her every beck and call--but, really, that was redundant. Because Gemma let him get away with fucking murder.

Literally.

"Is she gonna be there tonight?

"Of course. She wouldn't miss Jax's son coming home." He got up, reaching for her hands. "Sorry that she's been so distant with you, Isla. But she's just been stressed out--money worries and the kids and stuff, y'know?"

"Yeah, I know."

Donna wasn't traditionally a worrier. But five years worth of finances, being a single mom, and fretting over her husband potentially not making it out of prison alive, just did that to a woman.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think so." Grateful for her offering, though recognizing how damn stubborn his wife was, he conceded. "Thanks, though."

"Anytime. And if you change your mind, or need me, you know where I am--"

"Isla!"

"He is getting on my last fucking nerve today." She groaned, flipping Tig off as she looked over the ledge. "I'm coming! Give me a minute!"

"I've given you plenty of minutes! Just get your ass down here!"

"Just go," Ope chuckled, leaning down to peck her cheek. "We can have this talk another time."

Isla turned back to him, frowning. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Go 'n talk to him--I'll see you tonight."

He was such a nice guy. So considerate, kind.

She loved him a lot.

The flouncy sundress rose to the middle of her thighs as she sauntered through the clubhouse, hearing Trager talking--rather conspicuously, though slightly muffled--to somebody on his cell.

"C'mon, Tiggy. Why'd you yell at me?"

He waved his hand to shut her up, gesturing for the blonde to follow him out of the clubhouse and toward his bike.

"Yeah, cool. K, brother--see 'ya later. Bye." He hung up and slid the phone into the pocket of his cut, swiveling to face Isla with a smile. "You ready?"

"For what?"

"The party?" Tig told her, watching confusion sweep over her face. "I'm taking you over 'cuz you want a drink and don't wanna drive home after? And that you're probably gonna end up heading home with Juice, or something--"

"Juice?"

"It always happens," he shrugged, pointing at the helmet he set out for her at the back of his bike. "We all head out, you get too drunk, you take a liking to Juicy, and you try to ride his dick."

"What?" Isla got herself situated behind him as he got on first, her arms wound around his waist. "That was one time. I've only slept with him once, and I told you it'd never happen again."

"And why is that?"

Her cheeks flushed red, the engine revving sending vibrations through her entire frame.

"Because he was too gentle." Tig's foot collided with the kickstand.

"And the little Catholic girl likes it rough."

She felt the solid gold crucifix burning a hole into her chest.

"Yes. I like it rough." He groaned, leaning into her. She swatted at his chest over his shoulder, laughing heartily. "Just take me to see the baby, dickhead."

The bike sped out of the lot and Isla was loving the thrill of being on two wheels. She'd always liked being stuck to the back of somebody's Harley--but she'd never own one herself.

Isla was like Gemma. She felt stable enough riding with somebody, but riding alone--being in control of the motorcycle--was fucking terrifying.

Jax and Opie had encouraged her to take a ride at one point, but it didn't end very well, and Chibs spent the best part of two hours trying to stitch his daughter back up whilst Gemma castigated the two imbeciles who thought it was even reminiscent of a good idea.

Weaving through traffic gracefully, freely, was appealing to her, however. But she wouldn't be caught dead--alone--on a fucking bike.

Plus, she quite enjoyed being taken places. Escorted by a member of the club. It was safe.

The wind whirred and whipped around them, and she wished she didn't make the effort with her hair tonight. It was ruined, tousled to within an inch of its life, and she dreaded the thought of having to brush the knots out in Jax's bathroom.

Still, commuting via Harley was a hell of a lot quicker and had a few more benefits than commuting via car.

But the looks that they got were piercing. Horrible. Mainly from Hale stationed beside his squad car, watching as Isla and Tig raced down the freeway.

"He likes you." He spoke over the roaring engine when he hit the first stop light all night. "He hates that you've never given him a chance--"

"He's a cop, and I'm the outlaw's daughter. I've been raised to hate his kind."

Tig nodded his approval, setting off once again when the light switched to green and all opposing traffic stood still.

At one strange point in time, David Hale had his sights set on Isla Telford. He was in love with her. Completely besotted.

And she never gave him a second glance because, for one, she wasn't interested. He hated that she was so close to Jax and Opie, but not him, and he wished that she'd push herself away from the bad guys to grow closer to the heroic law-enforcer.

But he was a control freak above everything else, and Isla was just a free-spirit. She was loyal to her friends and family but she didn't want to get tied down, and she didn't want to become friendly with a fucking cop.

The only cop she liked was crooked. And Unser was in a similar spot to her--a little too affiliated with SAMCRO, but not completely doted on. Though, they were both strangely essential fixtures, and Clay would've been lost without them.

"Juice is here." Tig taunted as he helped her off the bike, holding her hand when she stumbled over herself a little. "Try to keep those panties on."

"Can't make any promises, Tiger." Her growl was seductive, though he knew that she was fucking with him.

She'd given up rebuking his claims, instead feeding into them because, with Trager, she couldn't seem to win. He was sleazy, and she loved that back and forth.

What she loved more, though, was that he was comfortable. He was a strange man, and nobody really understood just where he came from, but Isla liked that she could make jokes of any kind around him. He was easy to get along with. Easy to love.

And, man, did she love Alex Trager.

"If you do fuck him, though, would you make a video?"

Isla stepped into Jax's front room, turning on her heels. "Who said that we haven't already got one?"

She chuckled and wandered into the party, leaving Tig with a few convoluted thoughts and even more raunchy questions.

"Fuck. Gemma taught her well." He grumbled under his breath, reaching for the beer in Half-Sack's hand.

He slumped on the couch, motioning for his usual lay to sit in his lap as he watched Juice fawn over his little blonde friend making conversation with some other random woman already.

"Yeah, totally..." she agreed with whatever the girl was saying, but her eyes were glued on Tara. Just floating around the party.

She felt bad that the doctor was alone. Despite all that she thought of her, being out of ones depth in such an intimidating setting wasn't very nice. And Isla was an empath.

"D'ya think anyone 'round here has any nail glue?"

"Gemma might." She smiled, pointing toward the kitchen.

Grateful that she managed to shake that one off, Isla weaved through the small conclave and sat beside Tara, offering a friendly face during a time of such discomfiture.

Her heart was aching, the sheer nervousness was palpable, and she knew that Tara felt the same way too.

But Isla just sucked it up. Because she wanted to talk to her, and had to be the one to initiate it.

"Thanks for coming." Her smile was wide, genuine.

She offered a beer to the brunette, hoping that she'd take it.

"Thanks for asking me here." Tara accepted it, glad that Isla remembered she wasn't particularly a wine girl like herself.

Christ. This is awkward.

"Trust me, you were the first person I asked to come tonight."

"How so?"

"Well," a little bit more comfortably, she faced her completely, "you've literally nursed Abel back to health. You've been there every step of the way. You've been the best surgeon. And, as much as I hate to say it, you helped Wendy so much, Tara. I'm really thankful for all that you've done for this family."

"It's my job." She tried to brush the comments off, but her heart definitely fluttered at the praise.

Isla never changed. She was still the sweetest soul, she thought.

"I know, but you've had it rough with this lot--with Gemma, I mean."

"She isn't anything I can't handle." Confidently, she asserted.

"I know, and I'm glad that you're able to stand your ground." Reluctant, a hand landed against Tara's palm.

She jolted a little bit, but softened into the embrace.

It was comfy, warm. Prosperous, perhaps, because it meant something. Tara not jerking away and leaving once Isla offered a friendly embrace, was promising.

They spoke about the baby for a little while, and shared a few laughs at Tig's expense. It was strange, really. To be talking to her ex-best friend was strange, but she'd missed it.

Donna joined the mix, too, and it was starting to feel like old times. Isla recognized that they'd never slip back into that routine, the dedication to one another that they'd known when they were kids--but it was nice.

The conversation stuttered and it wasn't able to flow as freely as what she might've liked, but it was a start.

To know that she had something resembling an acquaintanceship with two women she admired, was nice.

And Jax introducing his baby to his brand new home, to his extended family that were already so fucking dedicated to him, was just the most wonderful thing ever.

"What about a beer?" Clay joked, holding the bottle close to Abel. Jax laughed, though he shook his hand away. "What? Grandpa can't give him his first beer?"

"No, he can't."

"I'll take it, though. If you're offerin'." Chibs grabbed the Budweiser and twisted the cap with the leather grip of his glove.

He gestured to Isla, tipping it toward her. "Want some?"

"No, you're alright." She went back to her wine, smiling at that little bundle of happiness in Jax's arms, wondering how the hell he'd gotten to be in this position now.

But it was because of Tara. Her commitment, her talent, and sheer want to help that angel through the roughest patch that a baby could have possibly been thrust into.

How Gemma could still loathe that girl--after everything she did--was beyond her completely.

Tara was the unlikeliest hero in Abel's story.

"Why is it that every time I see you, your highlights get more chunky?" Gemma smiled at the comment, turning to see her favorite girl, flaunting the most beautiful smile.

She handed Isla the bottle of whatever wine Chibs could get this evening, unable to quit beaming at the thought of her grandson finally being at home. Where he belonged.

"I told you I'd do them for you, Gem."

"I know," she nodded, playing with a few strands of hair, "I was gonna ask you, but you've been a little distant this week--didn't wanna add to your workload, baby."

"That's super considerate of you. Are you alright?" Isla teased, holding a hand to Gemma's forehead.

She slapped it away with a laugh. "Fuck you. I'm always considerate."

"Sure you are. That's why Wendy is here, right?"

"No," her head shook, "she's here 'cuz this is her house. If I had it my way, she'd be out on her ass faster than what you could even say 'crank whore.'"

Isla wiped at her lips with the back of her hand, tipping her head toward the blonde in the living room.

"I thought you made sure she was gonna be here tonight?" Confused, she quizzed.

She was under the impression that Wendy was starting to grow on her. After she'd tried to kill her, of course.

"I did," Gem confirmed. "But only because I knew it'd be awkward between her and Tara."

Amazed, or maybe fucking horrified, Isla simply glared at her.

It should've been obvious to her--plain as day--that Gemma Teller doing a good thing was simply a bullshit facade, built in order to take away from the fact she wanted to do an inherently bad thing.

But Isla liked to see the good in people, so it wasn't. And that really was one of her mot fatal flaws.

"She thanked me for letting her stay, too."

"And what'd you say to her?" Almost as if she didn't want to know the answer, she asked.

Black nails danced along the rim of her wine glass as she leaned against the counter, watching everybody enjoy themselves as they bitched and moaned.

"That she's lucky to be alive."

"Jesus, Gem," her head shook disparagingly, disappointed perhaps.

But being surprised that the woman made a threatening comment toward Wendy, was just as stupid as being surprised at Tig for fucking another hooker during his free time.

"You've gotta keep her close, ma. She's the mother of your grandson, the woman your son did love at one point."

Ma. The word rolled off her tongue unintentionally most of the time, but she didn't hate it.

Gemma was the mother figure in her life--hell, she was the mother figure in a few of the Sons' lives--and it didn't feel weird using that around her. It was affectionate. She adored it.

"Jax never loved her," matter of fact, she retorted. "They got drunk together. They smoked dope together. They didn't love one another--"

"They got married." Isla reminded her. "They have a kid together. They have a lot of history."

"Just because they have history, doesn't mean they love one another. You've got history with him."

Her chuckle was throaty, almost a full-on splutter. "We have not got that same history--we're friends, Gem, you know that's different."

She supposed the blonde was right.

There was hell of a contrast between friends for life and friends with benefits--and Gemma knew that. She just didn't like that Jax gravitated toward Wendy when he'd always had Isla right there in front of him.

Though, she was more than aware that the pair didn't look at each other that way--she still lauded the thought of the two together.

"I still hate her."

"I know," Isla laughed at Gemma's irritability, sipping on her wine, enjoying the sight of everybody having a damn good time.

"She's checking into rehab, too."

"Really? Where?"

"Some place in Oakland, I think." Gemma added, smiling at Clay when he wandered over to the pair. "But you didn't hear that from me."

"You think she's gonna stick to it?"

"Couldn't tell 'ya." He answered for his wife, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Isla's cheek. "She's determined though, I'll give her that."

"Yeah?" His nod was optimistic--strange for Clay Morrow. "Well, I'm glad she's working on herself, anyway. She's got potential."

"You hate her."

"I know." She didn't refute the assertion. "But I'm still happy for her."

At least somebody is.

She wasn't lying. Wendy was a good girl, a woman tortured for no good reason. And she felt for her, she really did.

It'd been a shock, finding out that she was pregnant. But it wasn't like they weren't expecting it--what with the rate she and Jax were going at it.

From the start, Isla and Gemma were worried. She was notorious for her crank habit and the girls thought she was going to kill herself before she had the chance to see her son into the world.

And that almost happened, didn't it?

The doctors at St. Thomas were fucking miracle workers--Isla was on pins and needles waiting for a call to say that Wendy and Abel were okay.

But she tried not to dwell on that, now. They were both as healthy and Abel was as happy as he could've been, so Isla was content. She wasn't pleased, but she was comfortable with the way that things were going.

Tara, however.

"No!" She yelled, backing out of the nursery. "No, fuck you, Jax."

Juice stumbled backward when she nudged him out of the way, pulling her purse from the kitchen counter.

Isla and Gemma couldn't not stare.

"Tara, c'mon!" Jax called after her, but it was too late.

The front door had been slammed shut and the party came to a complete standstill. A thickening tension was shrouding the group, and things were only just starting to simmer.

"What was that all about?" The blonde asked Juice, leaning against the island.

She didn't want to prove Tig to be right but, after a few glasses of wine, Juan Carlos Ortiz was starting to pique her interests.

He swallowed thickly, watching Clay leave the room. "He said something about Wendy--wanting to keep whatever it is that he and Tara have going on the down low so it doesn't set her off, or something."

Makes sense.

"He has a point. She's doing really well lately." He continued. "Jax would hate to stunt her progress by shoving his relationship with Tara in her face."

Isla was rattled.

Jax hadn't talked to her in days, and she wasn't aware that so much had changed. She wasn't aware that he had established a relationship with Tara Knowles.

Again.

You know what they're like--like two fucking magnets or something. They always find a way back to one another.

She was too irritated to reside in that same room as Gemma, now. Knowing the conversation she'd initiate the second that Juice left was too fucking much. So she left first, instead.

The living room was almost empty. Just Clay, Bobby, Tig, and Chibs sat around the couches as Donna, the kids, and Ope were preparing to set off.

Everything was annoying her, now. She hadn't made the effort with Donna all night, but she was pissed that she hadn't started to say goodbye to her yet.

Isla was so fucking irritated that she didn't even want to talk to Tig, or her father. So she didn't.

"Where're you going, petal?" Chibs asked, hindering her plan to keep her mouth shut for the rest of the night. He knew that she'd crack a smile at the nickname.

"I was just wandering. Not really sure what to do with myself."

"Come sit down," he gestured to the space between himself and Tig, and wound an arm around her when she met the leather. "I've missed 'ya."

"Tonight? Or just in general."

"In general. It's been a few days, love."

"I know, I'm sorry." Her head rested against his Sgt. At Arms patch, and she sighed. "Work has been so fucking busy and I feel like I haven't gotten a moment to myself this week."

Isla only worked a part-time gig at some shitty salon just on the outskirts of Charming--edging into Stockton--but she hated her job.

She hated driving into the city every morning and evening, wasting a fuck ton of her paycheck on gas when, really, there was no point.

She hated her cunt boss.

Hated her cunt clients.

She hated that nobody really spoke to her because of who her father was. And when they did speak to her, it was almost like they were scared. Of Isla.

Gemma had always promised her that there was a space at the auto shop for her had she needed it, but she couldn't think of anything worse than having to answer to Gemma and Clay every single day.

Well, more than what she already was, anyway.

"Who'd 'a thought that being a hairdresser was so demanding?"

"Me, apparently." She joked, watching Tig get up and leave the room.

It'd turned somber. A little too bleak for her liking, but she guessed that everyone felt a bit awkward after Tara stamped out and Jax sat on his porch. Alone. With a bottle of whiskey.

She hated the hold that woman had over him sometimes. The way he was so fucking devoted to Tara Knowles that she could literally slap him, scream in his face, and ruin his son's homecoming party--and he would still pine for her.

She'd never understand that.

And she didn't understand how such a lively bunch of individuals had mellowed out over the course of two hours, either.

The party had disappeared. Dissipated into nothing and the atmosphere she once lauded was completely dead in the water.

It was fucking grim, and she couldn't wait to head home.

"Can I come with you tonight?"

"Why'd you even ask? Y'know you're welcome to come home with your old man whenever you want." Chibs told her a little bit stern, though it was essentially full of love.

She just smiled up at him, a bit buzzed. But she was having a good-ish time and who was he to chastise her for drinking a little too much tonight?

"Wanna head off now?"

"Yeah--lemme just say 'bye' to Gemma."

"Alright, I'll be out front. Don't forget your purse." He reminded, knowing she was too ditsy for her own good.

Chibs helped her to her feet, letting go of her hand only to part ways for a few moments.

Her mood was perking up, now. The prospect of being able to spend a few hours with her dad after a long fucking day, was just the best.

And she'd really missed him. Missed the time they once had an abundance of. Missed the evenings that they'd spend talking, drinking, watching movies, doing the generic father daughter activities.

They hadn't had that for a while, and it was truly a blessing that it was within reach tonight.

Well. It was within reach for all of five minutes.

"Oh my God--" Gemma's cell slipped from between black nails and bounced across the table. Saturated hues were locked on Isla, and her head shook.

"What?"

"There's--there's been an accident." She managed to muster out. "Or, maybe a drive-by, I don't know, but Donna--"

"Donna?" Piney's attention was snatched at the mention of his daughter-in-law. He stood up. "What about her?"

Isla knew the answer. She knew what Gemma was going to say because it was just the usual now, wasn't it?

Being affiliated with SAMCRO just did that to somebody. Man, woman, child. They didn't fucking care.

"She's--Piney, she's dead."

[ftstorm]

My take on 5x10

Welp, that was a big one!

You know, before going into this episode I reminded myself this was the first episode of a new era, the first episode completely made by the new team.

So with that in mind my expectations were "Okay, let's see what they've got."

And oh boy did they surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: this text post is long af, not kidding.

1. THE INTRO SCENE.

You guys have no idea how glad I am that we got Mac doing a usual MacGyvering in his house. It's been ages since they implemented this format of showing his dynamics outside Phoenix and around his house.

I wasn't worried about the proposal thing at all. Guys, you have to accept that MacRiley was always going to happen after that 4x04 episode.

There was also the fact that this was the intro scene (usually the most important plot issues happen in the outro scene), Bozer's weird reaction and the melancholic audio cue.

If that proposal was happening, they would've made it more uplifting.

(I gotta say that watching Monica Marcer and the official MacGyver account making damage control in Twitter 3mins into the episode was a funny experience)

So my initial questions about Mac wanting to propose were: "what are his motivations?" and "how is this not going to work out by the end of the episode?"

The second question we got the answer later on. The first question remains unanswered. If we take on Mac's words, he says:

Mac: Unexpected, I know, I know. But that's why I like about it. You know ever since I lost my dad and Jack I've been thinking about the bigger picture. A commitment to make things work it's exactly what Desi and I need. A grand romantic gesture. *cue melancholic music*

Here we're presented with a bunch of things worth analysing, in my opinion.

He's trying to see the "bigger picture" which, for me, it means he's trying to tackle down different issues from his life with one specific, efficient action [the proposal]. Those issues being:

> his current romantic relationship: make is aware they have an inconsistent relationship > his performance at work: he needs balance between his personal affairs and his work, which is based on saving the world in a daily basis and for that he needs to be focused. > dealing with his past losses: to my understanding, saying "ever isn I lost my dad and Jac I've been thinking about the bigger picture" means that he doesn't want hopelessness to take over him, he wants to keep on moving and being proactive about his life.

So... you have to understand that in some sort of way, this proposal thing is a signal that Mac is healing. In some sort of way, if you were in Mac's shoes you would see that it was a positive thing for him. A step forward.

The thing is, we [the audience] have an extended understanding of the situation and we know that an engagement would be an incredibly rushed decision.

As well as it is that Mac's trying to move forward, he obviously hasn't been able to pinpoint the true issue behind his relationship with Desi. He isn't wrong about them lacking in the commitment department, but forcing the relationship to scalate isn't the right move. He should be asking himself: "Why are we avoiding commitment?"

And that's when he'd find out that they have very deep and important trust and communication issues.

~~~~

2. Moving on. MURDOC.

Russ: I can process it more efficiently by having it all spread out ahead me, you know. I reckon see the bigger picture at once.

This is when I realized that the episode was centered on this whole "bigger picture" idea. Russ struggles to see the full picture until the very end and Mac finds out that he hasn't been seeing the full picture of his life at all by the end of the episode.

Fast forward, the team's in Mexico, Riley knows about the ring already and she has already had the talk with Bozer in which she refers to her feelings for Mac in a past tense.

Then Murdoc appears.

And as if the episode wasn't already a rollercoaster after Mac's reveal, now Murdoc shows up to put everything upside down.

First I gotta say, man Dastmalchian is SUCH A GOOD MURDOC. Excellent actor. The way he delivers his lines, his facial expressions, all of it make an original and very entertaining Murdoc.

He always gives me such a Andrew Scott's Moriarty vibes and I love it.

Secondly, his dynamic with Andrews: *cheff kiss*

I loved how Andrews was so over Murdoc's theatrics, to the point his facial expression screamed "Why did I even reclute this guy" LOL.

Back to the story.

This is something I was hoping it wouldn't happen but at the same time I don't see another way it could've happened which is the explanation behind Murdoc's escape and how Phoenix didn't know about it.

Because what they told us is that the FBI didn't let them in on Murdoc's escape, right? Does that imply that the FBI has a corrupt agent in charge? Does it imply that the order of not letting Phoenix in came from above? Maybe someone with higher clearence than Matty? A politician? Governement conspiracy?

It smells like plot hole, tbh. I feel like the Murdoc's escape is a classic "it is what it is". We'll see if they come back to this in later episodes.

~~~~

3. BIG SECRET REVEAL 1.

By now we're at the point of the rollercoaster where you're going up and up and up. Your tension building more and more as you're getting close to the drop.

Bozer and Riley's audio was the drop.

You know, during this scene I jumped from my seat, closed my eyes, cringed, squealed, my heart accelarated, forgot how to breathe...

As a person who is a little bit bipolar when it comes to romance (I can be very shy about it or very outspoken about it) that scene made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Imagine having your feelings exposed not only to the person you have feelings for but also his girlfriend who happens to be your friend, your boss and the criminal that's threatening to kill hundreds of people.

I was like: "Not like this!!"

And Mac's reaction didn't help because of the lack of it. I don't know what I expected but his slightly monotone reaction broke my heart.

Thankfully, I've recovered since then and I don't mind that it happened that way.

Still, imagine how suffocating it must've been for Riley. That idea was what made me so uncomfortable and I think that's what they were going for. They wanted to make it as straightforward and awkward as possible.

But it doesn't end there. It's followed by Mac revealing the ring to Desi (and Riley). Mac's in "fuck it" mood and Desi kinda panics.

Little side note here, using GUM and a DIAMOND to break a bullet proof glass... BIG YES. That's an intrinsic MacGyverism.

~~~~

4. BIG SECRET REVEAL 2.

Then we get a breather from this drama by introducing another drama, Leanna's death.

Bozer's reaction to the news was heartbreaking for my already heartbroken heart.

I have my suspicions as to why they decided to kill her... The other episode completely made by the new team was the Quarantine one (5x06). During that episode Mac and Bozer bond over Bozer's pain. After learning about Bozer's mom, Mac chooses to share a piece of his own pain with him.

So, hear me out, I think they writers are planning to help Mac process his own grief THROUGH Bozer's grief. Keep in mind that we still have a Bozer centered episode coming up.

This is just a theory. I may be wrong, but I think it may be right too.

Back to the episode.

Once again we see a three dimensional Russ. He does something accordingly to his own judgement thinking it's the right decision [hiding Leanna's death], he realizes he screwed up, he gives Bozer a very heartfelt apology about it.

Henry's acting talent shone with this narrative. Actually, most of the actors had the chance to shine THANKS to the NARRATIVE. Murdoc, Andrews, Desi, Mac, Russ and Bozer... they all had their highlight moments (I'll talk about Riley later).

Parenthesis here... THE NARRATIVE HAS RETURNED THEIR SOULS TO OUR DEAR CHARACTERS!

WOW, they aren't brooding, angry, sad or whiny ALL THE EFFIN TIME. ABOUT TIME!

~~~~

5. LAST ACT.

For the third or fouth time in this episode my heart broke again when Mac was friendly towards Riley, after she explained herself. It really felt like he was friendzoning her.

But here's something to point out. Riley visibly relaxed when he reacted that way. What does that tell us?

> She had been so tense up until that point. Imo, she's on the defensive now. You can even see it in her wardrobe, make up and hairstyle choices. They're very contrasting to Riley's most vulnerable moments in this show (like when Audrey broke up with her).

Riley has had a year to sort out her feelings. We see in this episode that she spoke about them in a past tense. Whether she achieved it or not is unknown. We just know that she has at least tried to move on.

> She was mostly afraid of ruining her close relationship with Mac (who's her only family, along with Bozer) and her friendship (?) with Desi. We've seen it over and over again: Riley DID NOT WANT to get in the middle of them.

Keep that in mind as we go in the last scene.

It took me a while to figure out a possible thread of thought inside Mac's mind. Why did he look at the ring and decided to go to Riley's house? It really didn't make sense to me.

One moment he was thinking about his proposal and somehow that lead to him having the necessity to know if Riley still had feelings for him? Why??

My theory is that he went to her apartment for permission.

His question was a way of asking Riley for permission to propose to Desi. It was a way of reassuring himself that proposing was still the right decision.

In a way, he could also be fishing for an excuse to not do it [the proposal].

Because now he has doubts. He's confused, unsure.

Mac asks:

Mac: Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did it go away?

What could her answer have been? Here I wanna go back again to Riley being emotionally defensive, added her strong desire of not wanting to be in the middle of Mac and Desi's relationship.

I think she would've said "Yes, it worked."

Because it also lines up with my idea that the love triangle has changed from "Riley's a better match for Mac" to "Mac needs to win Riley's heart".

Riley's done her job. She worked out her feelings. Now it's time for Mac to sort out his humongously messed up internal self and reignite her spark. That's what I think.

Also, if anyone has any idea on how the song that played in that scene relates with the moment please share it with me because I don't really understand the song choice lol.

~~~~

6. ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Desi. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. She seemed stressed out by the ring, very serious about Riley, lenient with Mac... I'm really not sure.

My guess would be that she doesn't want that type of commitment but she wants to be with Mac yet she can't ignore Riley so does that mean she has to end it with Mac? That's the thought process she may have had? Idk...

I'm glad they let her be mature about it, with no overreactions, no whining, no blaming, nothing of that style that we're used to see in her.

I'm also glad about that moment when she defeats Murdoc and Andrews. THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A TOUGH DESI. It was filmed with such a gracefulness and elegance. I liked it.

From a MacDesi point of view, she's probably being open minded and giving him space and waiting for him to come back to her... but somehow I got the vibe that she's actually... running away?

Lastly but no less important.

THE HISPANIC REPRESANTION OMG. RUSS SPEAKING SPANISH AND THAT CUMBIA MUSIC FILLED MY HEART WITH SO MUCH PRIDE!!! :')

[cyn-00]

“You are my family” for moreid pretty please if you feel like it. Thank you

This prompt will never get boring it's so soft <3 btw I kinda have already written a fic months ago that touched on this topic (my 13th one shot if I remember correctly), so I'm gonna try and slightly switch it up ;) this is n. 14 from fluff btw!

Prompt list (requests currently closed)

Read it on AO3

-------------

The jet had been quiet for at least an hour. Everyone except for Reid had seemingly long fallen asleep, and they would arrive at Quantico in 30 minutes at most - 27 minutes, the genius gauged.

He really had no more excuses to further procrastinate what he'd been meaning to tell Morgan for the past three weeks. Now or never.

Spencer lifted his eyes from the book he'd been pointlessly holding in his hands since they took off and looked up at his very much asleep boyfriend, still wearing his beloved headphones.

He swallowed. "Derek?"

No answer.

Reid leaned forward just enough to be able to easily reach the man's crossed arms with his hand. He brushed his fingers on his forearm to avoid startling him.

"Der?" he repeated in a lower and more intimate tone.

Derek slightly winced and instinctively scratched his arm where the other's finger pads had ghosted over it.

"Mm' yeah?" he mumbled in response, rubbing his eyes and taking off his headphones as he straightened in the seat.

"I'm- I'm sorry I woke you but I, uh... I really have to ask you something ?"

Morgan leaned in to rest his forearms on his knees under the tray table; the mild wobbling in the other's voice having piqued his interest.

"What's that, baby?" he said softly, ignoring the unneeded apology - purposely or not, Derek himself couldn't quite figure out.

Spencer nodded shortly and took a couple of deep breaths. He eyed down again at the forgotten book and closed it at last, settling it atop the small table and running his fingertips on its leather-coated spine.

"I was wondering if..." he let out another shaky sigh. "...if you'd like to move in with me?"

'Caught off guard' would be the most blatant euphemism to describe Morgan's reaction in response to the question. He tried to limit the external display of such to a gulp and an arching of eyebrows, while inside his heart almost jumped out of his chest.

Before answering, he reached out to place his palm over the boy's jittery hand on top of the book cover.

Spencer brought his eyes back to him.

"Yeah." he replied at last, grinning widely. "I'd really like that, pretty boy."

Spencer ducked his head again to look at their hands; a few curls falling before his face from where they were tucked behind his ears, barely hiding one of the biggest smiles Derek had ever seen gracing his lips.

Morgan stroked the other's knuckles with his thumb. "Honestly, I thought you were gettin' tired of me after spending all day together at work." he joked - not actually joked, though.

Reid lifted his chin to look at him, re-adjusting his brunette locks where they were supposed to have stayed in the first place.

He hesitated a few seconds and eventually scrunched his nose playfully, shaking his head. "Not possible."

Derek's smile grew into a chuckle as he tilted his head.

During the brief silence, Spencer's gaze reunited with the other's fingers tracing unknown patterns on the back of his hand.

"Oh! Right-" the genius mumbled to himself as he remembered something, removing his hand from under Derek's to pat the pockets of his jacket in search for a specific object.

Morgan's pupils chased his boyfriend's clumsy motions with a slightly amused frown.

Spencer took out of his left pocket what he'd been looking for, placing it on the tray table: a key.

The man's eyes glanced in between that and Reid's face a couple times, before finally picking it up to scrutinize it as if it were the most interesting key he'd ever seen - it was, sort of. In a metaphorical way.

"...you made a copy before knowing what I'd answer?" he dared to ask.

The man in front of him merely shrugged. "Call it profiling ?" he said, a funny but cute expression crinkling his features.

Morgan snorted briefly before starting to gradually drift into a more serious state of mind; a couple minutes of quiet hanging gingerly in between him and Reid.

"I also thought..." he prompted to get the other's attention. "that I'd have to ask you at some point."

His boyfriend didn't seem to get the hint.

"I didn't think you'd ever get to be comfortable enough to share your spaces with me." Derek explained, careful not to sound accusing.

Spencer considered the man's statement for a while.

"I didn't think either." he agreed, unexpectedly. "Honestly it doesn't bother me only when it's my mom...or you guys..." the genius' voice got lower by the second.

"...my family." he concluded, smiling bashfully.

Derek chose not to reply just yet; his gaze softening visibly whereas on the other hand Spencer's dropped, concentrating on how to phrase what he wanted to phrase.

"...you are my family, Derek." he whispered at last. If Spencer's knees holding his clasped hands in place were succeeding to keep them from trembling, his voice on the contrary was helplessly failing at remaining steady throughout those 5, simple words.

Morgan stayed silent once again, merely reaching a hand above the table separating them to lift his boyfriend's chin and lightly bump an index on his nose; knowing that, when Spencer opened his heart to him, he needed reassurance and unspoken proof that Derek was listening more than actual words.

Reid was now able to keep at bay the quivering in his hands and voice both.

"...I know you can't really consider me...your family, because you have your mom and sisters and- and probably a bunch of other relatives, but for me..." he trailed off, lowering his gaze once again. "...my- my dad was never family to me...and my mom can't always function enough to...to feel like a mother and- o- of course I cannot blame her for it! But you...you always felt like family, now more than ever but honestly even before...you know, before this ?"

Spencer paused to catch a glimpse of the other's expression, trying to fathom if he'd picked up on what he meant with 'this'.

Even once the man nodded, Reid somehow felt a million other things surfacing to the forefront of his mind right in that moment, things he knew he didn't need to voice but were escaping him before he could grasp onto them.

"I'm infinitely grateful that I have you in my life." he murmured. "even if I'm not exactly sure what...what I did to deserve you." Spencer added in a witty, sheepish snort.

Morgan shook his head, at this point unable to keep himself from speaking up and cupping the man's cheek in his hand.

"Baby, stop saying things like that," he paused, stroking Spencer's cheekbone with a thumb as if feeling the need to ease down the mild harshness that had possibly accompanied his tone.

"and don't ever assume that just because I have a full family you count less than them."

Derek was expecting a nod at best and a self-denigrating retort at worst, what he was surely not expecting from his boyfriend was to shoot up from his seat to make his way around the tray table and sit beside him, hurling himself into his arms in a matter of 3 seconds.

Of course he more than happily hugged the boy back and dug his fingers in his curls, because it was only natural; however Derek didn't bother hiding a slightly surprised reaction - Spencer never liked to display affection even during the flights home, when the team were sleeping 9 times out of 10. To push himself to do such gesture Morgan reckoned that what he said must have really struck him, and his caught-off-guard state quickly became one overflowing with feeling honored and touched.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Spencer slightly loosened the clench of his arms around his torso and nosed his neck, releasing a deep breath.

"So...we're going to your place then?" Derek's question wedged a narrow gap in between their bodies.

Spencer tilted his chin up to meet his eyes shortly before laying small pecks on the corners of the man's lips and Cupid's bow and chin.

Morgan lightly giggled both at his boyfriend for being that level of adorable, and at himself for having managed to meet his lips only once at most.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Mh-mh," Spencer hummed into the last of several kisses. "Yep."

[melon-kiss]

Screaming, Pt 2

Link to the part on AO3.

__________

The curly-headed one has established a new routine. He comes once a week to visit. That’s new.

I don’t get many visitors here. There are nurses, who enter my room three times a day, forcing me to take meds. Well, I’m not the one to give in easily, so they have to put a lot of effort to make me swallow the pills and I don’t do it myself anyway. I look like a dog or a cat - they massage my throat until they’re sure the meds go down to the stomach. I feel sorry for them, but it’s not like I can do much more. My body is detached from my brain.

There’s also a doctor - Mark... something. I didn’t get his last name and didn’t care to ask. He comes by once a day to tell me what the weather’s like, how my blood tests came out and remind me how important it is to eat solid food. They can’t keep me on the IVs for much longer, he says. He mentioned something about me losing a lot of weight. I have to believe him because I don’t recognise my body entirely. He talks to me as if I didn’t know anything. Let me tell you something, mister - I may look like a vegetable but my brain is fine (excluding the major damages caused by LSD, of course). I know I’m in a hospital for the mental ones. I’m not stupid.

The doctor’s visits seem pointless. He looks at my patient chart, takes my temperature, checks my reactions. If the diagnosis were based on them, I would be out in no time. But it’s not. His visits are not completely useless, though. I managed to overlook the chart and confirmed the name once: Molly Hooper. It reminded me of a certain badge and a white coat. These were the memories from the morgue and lab. But I couldn’t see any faces, they were blurred. I remember the rooms, especially the lab. Nothing beyond. Still, it was better than nothing at all.

The curly-headed one comes once a week and sits down almost at the other end of the room, in the left corner. He always wears a suit but he doesn’t look like the police officer that came with him the other day. I can’t figure out what he does for living. He takes off his coat and scarf, and sits in his corner. He puts his hands like in a prayer and presses them against his lips.

And stares.

Endlessly.

Not once in six weeks he’s spoken to me.

His bright blue eyes study my face and my eyes follow his. I don’t take them off of him. I usually sit with my legs pulled up and pressed against my chest, with arms wrapped around my knees. He sits in the corner for about an hour. He doesn’t take notes, doesn’t look away. Doesn’t take a short round around the room to straighten up his legs. It’s a routine and it’s quite comforting to know what he’s going to do every time he drops by.

Then, after the hour is over, the puts on his scarf and coat, comes close to me. He places a kiss on my forehead and whispers something that sounds like “Norbury”.

But after those six weeks I notice a change. During the seventh week, I wait. I keep glancing at the clock over the door on Wednesday. He doesn’t have one specific hour we comes at but the later it gets, the more anxious I am. Not that anyone could tell - my body is still resilient to all brain commands. It’s heavy, like a medieval armour.

It’s almost nine in the evening when he walks in. I have no idea why he’s been let in at such a late hour, but he does come in. He looks pale and exhausted. His movements are slower than usual. There are dark circles around his eyes. He flops onto the chair and doesn’t look at me intensively anymore. He supports his head with the thumb and the index finger of his right hand and blinks but there are no more thinking traces in his eyes. He moves his eyelids up and down and they’re heavy from something that resembles pain.

He sits like this for about twenty minutes and then he pulls up his chair right at the end of my bed. He stares straight at me at the very close proximity of two feet.

I don’t have the slightest idea of what my face is showing but I know I feel frightened.

I understand what happened to me, I know the side effects of LSD. And I know that it wasn’t my weekly guest who drugged me - it was a girl named Eurus. Since he looks like a male, I don’t have any reason to believe he’s the perpetrator, but if I didn’t know any better, I would suspect it because the guilt filling his eyes is so heavy I wonder how he can walk without limping. But now, being close to him, I can feel the warmth of his breath. It’s fresh, very minty at the end of every exhale. My heart pounds pretty quickly comparing to last seven weeks but I still don’t move much. I feel trapped.

I try to tell him it’s not his fault. I really do. I can see he puts all the blame on himself and I would like to tell him to forget it. I don’t remember him anyway. He should find someone else and fall in love again (I hate those so called advices but they seem to work for some people, and I hope they would for him), maybe this time with someone less mental. He’s very handsome; I’m sure he won’t have a problem finding someone willing to take the pain away. He also seems very intelligent and perceptive. That’s always very attractive.

He looks at me for another thirty minutes and stands up unexpectedly. He locks my face in his hands and kisses my forehead, but then, he puts our foreheads together. I raise my eyes up to see his face and it’s all wrinkled with pain. He closes his eyelids very tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Molly,” he whispers and it almost sounds like crying. “Please, forgive me. Please. Please. Don’t hate me.”

I want to comfort him that I don’t even know him and therefore cannot hate him. It’s this Eurus gal. She’s nuts, not him. Maybe she hates him? I don’t understand why I would do it. Unless he was my bodyguard, he’s not the one to blame. And even if he were, it wouldn’t be his fault. He’s not the perpetrator.

The minute he straightens, one of the grey-haired visitors walks in. It’s the shortest one. He looks at the curly-headed, worried. He, however, steps back quickly.

“Sherlock, we should go.”

Sherlock. I come to realise that it must be his name. Sounds dramatic. Baroque. Funny even.

“I know. Thank you, John.”

I follow him with my eyes to the exit. He walks out without looking back.

I lie down on my bed and cover myself with a blanket. Although my brain has issues adjusting to the new reality it’s found itself in, my sleeping schedule is quite regular and looks good; I fall asleep around eleven, wake up at seven. My dreams are very basic - they are a mix of the hospital staff’s faces and childhood memories. My dad often comes to me and plays with me and my sister. I know he’s dead. I remember that much. It fills me with sadness. I have this one memory; our dad was always cheerful, even after he was diagnosed with cancer. But I caught him sitting alone in the bedroom once, going through our old family photos. I was quite certain he was crying. Being twelve back then, I had no idea what to do, how to help him, so I got back to my sister. Our dad came back to play with us five minutes later and he was cheerful again. If I hadn’t seen him earlier, I could never have told he was in pain.

Then, after I wake up, the nurses change my IVs, force me into taking meds, I sit. They try to feed me with solid food, like toasts for breakfast and pasta for dinner. I cannot make my body move towards the plates. I promise myself that I will try to force my muscles everyday to make a progress and maybe finally reach the food. I have to, if I want to survive.

But do I?

Do I want to return to the life I don’t know? Do I want to be out of the hospital, in the real world? Out of the warm comfort zone of my bed? Amongst the people I don’t recognise? All I have is the memories, more even like shreds of them. A man falling behind the window. A present? And the word: you. I don’t even know that it means.

The memories from the last visit of the unknown trio are without any faces again. They trigger my anxiety, so when I try to go through them again, I do it very carefully. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me but I feel like there’s a huge weight to them. Maybe back then I felt emotionally attached to all those events? I can’t exclude any possibility. But the man... Have I witnessed a suicide? That would explain the fright.

And the curly-headed one. Sherlock. He’s handsome. But why would a man so attractive come to my hospital bed every week? He said something about love but if he does love me, I won’t be able to tell. His visits are not romantic. He doesn’t try to convince me to talk. He just sits there and stares. Maybe he tries to find a solution? Truth is, I start to like his presence. He’s arrogant but I feel like there are whole entire worlds to see under this obnoxious shell. I wish I could tell him about my thoughts, but my body does not cooperate.

I fall asleep to a voice echoing I love you in my head.

 * * *

 “...she’s definitely in dissociative fugue. It means that she blocks all the traumatic memories, or even more. Her memory can spontaneously get back entirely one day, or piece by piece... or never. Seeing you, all of you, can help but it’s no guarantee. Just talk to her but don’t force her into remembering anything. Use phrases she can remember, show photos of places she’s been to. But not too often and not too forcibly. It can get worse.”

The door to my room creaks when it’s being opened and the Three Horsemen of Madness come in. Not one of them looks happy to be here. I can sense their awkwardness. I imagine talking to me must be as weird as talking to a wall. The result is pretty much the same. Sherlock and the police officer sit, the short one, John, stands. They all keep a distance, as if afraid of my sudden attack. Considering my body does not belong to me anymore, there’s no threat.

“Hello, Molly,” John says finally. “I’m sure you have troubles remembering us... but we’re here to help you. My name is doctor John Watson. This is detective inspector Greg Lestrade and this is... Sherlock Holmes.”

This is the part where a normal person would respond but as it happens, I’m no longer considered normal. It has its perks, you know. My gaze jumps from one person to another. Detective inspector has a wrinkle of worry between his eyebrows and looks hurt. Doctor Watson anticipates some sort of feedback from me, apparently. Sherlock Holmes studies my eyes thoroughly again.

They all should be locked down here with me, to be honest.

“Sherlock and I are sort of... detectives,” John says.

Three detectives in my room. Am I a forensic pathologist? No, I remember St. Bartholomew’s hospital. I once met a guy named Jim there, who turned out to be gay. But someone had warned me about this before...

I see shreds of the lab. I feel dizzy and blink intensively, while John continues his monologue.

“...and you used to help us. You know, we could really trust you.”

...and I’ve always trusted...

“Molly.” Sherlock’s voice does it again to me - makes my heart race. I blink quickly. “We’d like to discuss a case with you. It’s very easy, I’ve found the resolution in about three minutes.” Ugh, cocky. “But that’s why we’d like to start with something very simple.”

He looks at Greg.

“Well, the victim was found naked in his own home, with only watch on his left hand,” Lestrade says. “The watch wasn’t working, it showed eleven thirty. It was male, thirty four, worked as a...”

“No, you’re doing it wrong,” Sherlock interjected. “You’re telling the story from the wrong point of view. How is she supposed to understand a word of what you say if you tell the story, starting from the middle?”

The cockiness again. Something in my body wakes up. I begin to feel a strange heat somewhere in my chest area. I’m close to rolling my eyes on him.

“Sherlock, I think it is the beginning,” John argues. “This is how the story begins for us.”

“Oh, come on, John, not you too!” Sherlock replies, annoyance visible on his face. “I understand that being an idiot must be difficult but it doesn’t excuse you from thinking at all.”

What?

John only rolls his eyes (finally, someone!). The argument gets hotter with every minute and Sherlock doesn’t slow down with the insults. I don’t like it. It’s getting on my nerves. “Idiots”, “morons”, “half-brainiacs”, “thinking requires a brain”. These phrases slip out of his mouth uncontrollably. I see now he’s the emotional one in this trio. John and Greg try to convince him to calm down but he’s on fire. He cannot be stopped.

“...and I’ve told you, the watch has been tampered with! Oh, his bloody fiancé set the time as a symbol of the number of days spent together. Until she’d found out about the lover, of course. A three-year-old could resolve this! Seriously, Lestrade, I’m starting to consider that they choose ONLY MORONS to be police officers...”

Before I can restrain myself, I hear my own voice:

“STOP IT!”

I feel like I’m outside my own body. I watch myself from a perspective of a third person. The room falls silent. I observe three pairs of eyes getting wide to the size of tennis balls. Sherlock’s sarcastic look on his face fades into fear.

Every vein in my body pulses furiously. The heat takes over my numb muscles. My face burns. The bones in my jaw almost hurt, when I say the words:

“JUST STOP IT!”

Suddenly I stand on my bed but not for long. I take a long leap and jump on Sherlock, pinning him to the floor.

Once again I’m in no control of my body. Something in my brain tells me to stop but my fingers wrap tightly around his neck without my consent. I’m out of control but this time, I can’t stop my body from moving, not from sitting still. He’s slim but strong and I’m certain he’s able to defend himself, especially with my arms so skinny and bones so frail. I don’t know if it’s the shock or the lack of strength, but he doesn’t do much to push me.

I feel John’s and Greg’s hands trying to pull me away, but my fury is stronger. My palms clench even tighter around Sherlock’s neck.

“Molly!”

I’m not Molly. I’m not the one they’d like me to be. Molly Hooper doesn’t exist anymore.

I look straight in Sherlock’s eyes. They’re bright blue, filled with tears. He seems to be begging me, but not to stop. Forgiveness. It feels like a sorry. And not even for getting me mad. I don’t understand. For a second I think I let go a bit of the clench.

You. I’ve seen those eyes before.

Dizzy. World spins. I tighten up my grip.

“NURSE!”

A few second later I hear the door creaking again. Several footstep approach me. They pull me back by my arms and shoulders, I fight it. I notice three nurses and a doctor. He holds a syringe in his hand.

“STOP IT!”

It sounds like crying. I shake, try to bite, kick everything and everyone. I toss and turn, and I’m not even in my bed anymore. My body is detached from my brain. Still. I want to be calm but I can’t. Everything in me says to be furious, so I am.

“STOP IT!”

My scream is so loud it makes my guests wince. The nurses and the doctor manage to hold me in their arms for five seconds. Sherlock slowly sits on the floor. I feel a sting in my arm, which makes me only scream more. Whatever is in that syringe, it starts working immediately. Sherlock’s frightened face gets blurry. Suddenly, I find myself lying on the floor.

“Leave me alone,” I mumble.

I see a colourful sweater, a kitchen and a telephone in my hand. Before I’m able to take a closer look, I drift away into a black emptiness.

[sgnjoowon]

hey hey everyone! this is my first time in seongnam and i’m super excited to be here. it’s kind of late for me, but i wanted to throw up an intro for my boi before i head to bed, so here we are! this is noh joowon, twenty two year old junior. he’s an animation major and a pretty popular BL webtoon author, but that last part is a ~*secret*~. he’s pretty loud and outspoken and often times annoying but he’s a... well... not good boy but a fun boy? anyway! i have his ABOUT, BACKGROUND, and PLOTS pages up if you’d like to take a look, but i’ll drop some info and wanted connections under the cut! and if you’d like to plot, please hit like on this post and i’ll pop into your ims, or you can reach me on TWITTER if you’d prefer to plot there! ♥️

QUICK FACTS !

so tl;dr - 22, a junior, majoring in animation with a minor in art. wanted to do things the other way around but he fucked up his registration forms and went with it

is also a pretty popular BL webtoon author under the pen name byungari (you can find more info about his webtoons here). only a handful of people know about this... it’s a Big Secret, he’ll have to end you if you find out

basically, entered a webtoon contest online in freshman year - didn’t win, but the company asked him for a story outline and quickly sent a contract over for a serialized webtoon to be published online. it did well, and then he got a contract for another one which was also well received/ranked

long story short, he just recently started publishing webtoon #3 which takes some heavy inspiration from the seongnam campus, so you’ll probably see familiar landmarks and faces if you follow it closely... honestly, he’s not all that subtle

anyway! he has a makeshift studio in the student centre and an assistant to help out with meeting deadlines and such. even then most days he barely submits his work on time and he’s always drawing in class instead of paying attention

considered a campus cryptid because he barely attends class and yet manages to pass most things... actually he’s there, just tucked in the back napping or quietly taking notes. he doesn’t participate much unless whatever’s going on is ‘interesting’

it’s just weird because he’s v. loud and opinionated otherwise - will get into debates right in the middle of class when it’s a subject he’s passionate (and right) about. some of his classmates are just straight up scared of getting into it with him

part of the art club (nominally; he joined because he felt obligated to but he doesn’t participate much), the cooking club (kinda; he’s just there for the food and also never like... ‘officially’ joined), and the paranormal club (this one’s legit. he loves paranormal stuff)

is the baby of his family; has 2 older siblings but they have a significant age gap with him so they were never close while growing up. they’re both like... very academically aligned with ~respectable careers~ (professor and doctor) so sometimes joowon feels like the odd one out with his focus on animation/art

his parents are divorced - dad has a whole other family that joowon has complicated feelings about!! he doesn’t like to think on it too much. was raised primarily by his mom while his dad really just pays for his education and stuff. compared to most kids from divorced homes he feels like he’s pretty well adjusted

his family isn’t super elite or wealthy, but they’re probably like... very comfortable but also very well connected with people who are considered elite (dad’s a lawyer and mom is the chairman/director of a elite private academy)

incidentally, went to that private academy before attending seongnam. it was very academics focused even though joowon was... not. but his parents are like whelp we did it right with the first two kids so it’s okay if kid #3 is into art and shit as long as he graduates from a good uni! hence him being at seongnam

really, his post graduation plans are just ‘i am going to make more webtoons and then maybe work in animation’ and he’s pretty happy with that

he’s very... hm... very blunt and straightforward in most of his dealings with people. super loud and confident and doesn’t hold back even if there’s a risk he might offend someone. he’s also pretty impulsive and short tempered so it doesn’t take much for him to go off. like, he’s passionate about a lot of things and sometimes that explodes out of him in a not-fun way

but he’s also like a very open, easy-to-befriend kinda guy, super supportive of his friends and generous where it counts. he’s very loyal and the kind of person who’d fight you but also fight FOR you in a heartbeat. he hates unhappy endings so he’s always trying to low key look out for his friends even if!! admitting he cares is embarrassing!!

he’s a cute kid who can be a lot sometimes. please be his friend anyway

WANTED CONNECTIONS !

friends!! some super casual friends to spend time with in between classes or grab a bite to eat with - he’s honestly pretty friendly when it comes down to it and even if you don’t know him well, he’ll probably consider you a pal. maybe you got paired for some activity during freshman orientation and stuck together, shared classes in the past, etc. you just know joowon as an entertaining dude

fellow animation / art majors or minors!! classmates, people to get stuck doing group projects with, we always work on our assignments together, looking for an empty studio to write and found you there so uh can we share. or on the flip side, department rivals?? getting into arguments / heated debates in the middle of class and getting sent out? always competing to see who’s better but they’re both good!

art club members who are like please come to a meeting please please come to just one meeting - or, y’know, forcibly drag or trick him into participating. someone who recruited him into the art club to begin with and now they have regrets. someone who finds an old exhibition piece he did for the club or something and is like omg please come back sunabe i want to learn from you--

cooking club members who he kind of follows around because they make really good food. people who don’t realize he’s not officially in the club and try to get him to participate but he’s like these hands are not made for cooking. someone who does realize but is like aw he’s harmless let him hang around. let him lick the spoon--

paranormal club bros... it’s the one club he’s actually serious about for reasons unknown (actually, it’s known: he wants to fuck a vampire) so members who share similar interests or just like his intensity or just think he’s a riot. maybe they try to film their own version of buzzfeed unsolved and hit up a bunch of supposedly haunted places or chase paranormal activity idk

people who read / have read his webtoons! whether they’re fans of him or antis... maybe someone he’s friends with irl who reads every update but doesn’t know he’s the author, or someone he’s friends with irl who hates the webtoon and joowon has to stop themselves from fighting them. or like... interacting on twitter about the webtoons, someone who writes fic or draws fanart and always dms it to him, idk, someone who leaves hate comments whom he fights with on a sock account?? 

he has a weird relationship with sunbaes in the sense that he can get really needy / attention-seeking around them (maybe he craves the close older sibling figures he’s never had in his life!) so sunbaes he can bother / be cute around. whether they tolerate him, shoo him away, or take care of him... idk

enemies?? for various reasons - maybe they’re rivals, maybe they just pissed joowon off or vice versa, maybe they just made eye contact and challenged each other to a fight pokemon style, maybe he just can’t stand the way they act, but enemies are fun...

some romantic connections like exes? hasn’t dated much recently maybe a few people in the past, or like people who have confessed to him but he turned them down pretty callously. or someone who falls in love with his art and thinks that means they like joowon but when they try to get to know him they’re like oh... oh no

i know i missed a bunch of stuff but i have more specific plots here if nothing sparks your interest + and i’m always open to brainstorm something as well! 

[fuckingthefictional]

I have a request for Derek Hale. Can please make the stiles adopted younger sister and Derek's mate she is human. And can she have a heart condition. Please and thank you

A/N: I made it so Stiles’ adopted sister was older, just so it would make me more comfortable with the relationship/age gap between Derek and Y/N. Hope you enjoy it!

Y/N Stilinski didn’t remember being adopted, she was a mere two and a half weeks old when she was abandoned- only later to be found by Officer Noah Stilinski. Who would later become her adoptive father. To the Stilinski couple, Y/N was their first child. They couldn’t understand why someone would just abandon their child, let alone their newborn child.

Soon they found out why. Y/N was sick. Very, very sick.

The first checkup they took Y/N to was the first time they realised the severity of the problem.

At first it was just fatigue and rapid breathing during bottle feeding- they thought nothing of it, thinking that it was a result of being left alone.

But no. Y/N had a type of Congenital Heart disease.

For the next few years the Stilinski family would be made up of just the three of them. Noah, Claudia and Y/N- that was until Stiles came along.

Y/N loved her little brother and would always be in close proximity of the boy. Stiles grew up with a sister with a heart condition and caring for her came naturally to him. In fact he still did so.

Whenever Y/N was ill, whether it was dizzy spells or seizures or the other multiple implications from her condition. He was there. Waiting with a bottle of cold water and a big hug. He was a sweet boy, and they never hid anything from each other.

So when Y/N knocked on Stiles’ bedroom door and walked in, in search of her medication and her brother’s help. She wouldn’t never have expected to see the sight of Stiles and Danny Māhealani hunched over his computer muttering to themselves and a half naked, completely ripped man rooting through her brother’s clothes draw.

Y/N cleared her throat, announcing her presence. Automatically they all turned to face her.

She just took a breath, shaking her head slightly in exasperation, “Do you know where my medication is?”

Immediately the hyperactive boy, jumped up and scrambled through the messy room.

A deep voice cut through the air, it was gruff but warm and comforting, “Are these the ones you’re looking for?” Y/N turned to the owner of the voice, seeing the former half naked man clutching her orange capsule of medicine.

“Um yeah,” she reached out to take them, “Thanks.” Her fingers brushed against his calloused ones and a blush spread across her face for an unknown reason.

And with that she turned and scarpered.

-

“Stiles who the hell was that in your room earlier?”

“Hm? Oh…Danny?”

Y/N rose an eyebrow at him, “No Sti, the other one. The one who for some reason was half naked.”

Stiles gulped nervously, looking behind his shoulders as to double check that the grumpy werewolf in question wouldn’t leap at him, “Derek Hale.”

“And his deal is?” She drawled out the ‘S’

“Y/N just drop it okay? He’s dangerous and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Y/N put her hands up in defence, sniggering as she did so, “okay little brother chill.” She began to shuffle to the door, “Anyone who hangs around you couldn’t be a bad person.”

Stiles watched his sister leave before muttering, “Beacon Hills is changing.”

_

Y/N walked back to her room, She planned on taking a nap- her chest and head had been giving her problems all day.

Pushing the door she plodded inside and shut it gently. The Stilinski girl felt herself become dizzy.

She clutched at the wall, trying to stay conscious but the blotches in her vision kept on coming.

Then it just faded to black, the last thing she could see was a concerned face that wasn’t her brother’s, cradling her head and stopping her body from hitting the floor.

Y/N cracked open an eye, grimacing at the bright lights of the white room. Hospital. The smell gave it away- she’d grown used to the antibacterial smell over the years.

Reaching out for the nurse button, she took a few minutes to take in her surroundings. More specifically the fact that a so called Derek Hale was sat slumped in the uncomfortable plastic chair with a blanket thrown haphazardly over his broad shoulders.

He was handsome that was for sure, especially now that he had no frown on his face. Y/N let out a small smile, debating what she should do.

She pressed the button that alarmed the nurses, with a few minutes the door opened and in walked Nurse McCall. Y/N could definitely admit that Melissa was her favourite.

“How’re you feeling?” She said, checking your stats.

“Sore.”

“I think they’re planning on releasing you sometime today.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, “How long was I out?”

“3 days.” Melissa paused, “Your dad and brother are worried sick- I forced them to go home and freshen up.”

The young girl nodded, somewhat glad they weren’t with her to make a huge fuss.

“He however,” The nurse pointed to the sleeping male, “Has refused to leave your side since he brought you in.”

Y/N felt her mouth open and close- no words escaped. Only a blush covered her face.

“He’s a keeper…treasure him. Someone like that will love you forever.”

-

Hushed voices woke Y/N up once more, she was about to open her eyes but decided against it when she heard her name mid conversation.

“Derek? The hell are you doing here?”

“Protecting Stilinski’s sister.”

“Why? You don’t even know her.”

“I may not have known her for as long as you have Scott, but she’s my mate, my female- the one for me.”

What?!

“You know she’ll never want to be with you? You’re a werewolf- A monster!”

WHAT?!

“I could say the same for you, once Allison finds out what you are.”

She could here Scott huff, muttering to himself as he stormed out. No doubt to rant her brother.

“I know you’re awake.”

Y/N felt heat creep up on her cheeks, she opened her eyes and looked towards Derek. He looked concerned, worried that he had frightened the oldest Stilinski child with his true identity.

“You’re a…” Y/N trailed off

“Werewolf…Yeah.”

“And I’m your…”

“Mate.”

She was still confused, “what is a mate?”

Derek took a deep breath and rubbed his hand across his face, “Truthfully?” He asked as the bed bound girl nodded, “A mate is a werewolves’ soulmate, if you accept me as your mate and you accept the mate mark then we’ll be bonded for life. It’s like nothing in the world matters except for them. And for me that’s you.”

Tears filled up in Y/N’s eyes, Immediately Derek cupped his palms around her face, “Hey, hey, hey what’s wrong?”

“Not many people in my life truly care- my dad and Stiles sure. But- nobody has ever thought about being with me, I need to know this is true and not some cruel joke.”

Derek bowed his head, before lifting it again and flashing his eyes a golden yellow.

Y/N found herself gasping- entrances by his golden orbs.

“Let me take care of you, Let me be here for you…let me love you and never let you go Y/N. Please?”

He sounded genuine, he had proved he cared already by staying for the days she was unconscious. Maybe this could be her chance at feeling complete.

“Okay,” She took a deep breath in, before exhaling, “I trust you Soulmate.”

[hilarieburtonmorgan]

MORNINGS WITH HILARIE BURTON MORGAN AT MISCHIEF FARM

In the series ‘Mornings With’, we begin a new day with inspiring talent in film, television and media, in an equally inspiring place in New York. ROSE & IVY founding editor, Alison Engstrom sits down and chats about morning routines, exciting projects and what inspires them and drives them to be their very best. Given the current climate, we had to switch gears slightly, but we are beyond delighted to meet Hilarie Burton Morgan at her farm in Upstate New York.

In this day and age, curling up with a good book that transports, uplifts and makes you want to be a better human is vital. In our newest edition of Mornings With, I am incredibly excited to chat with Hilarie Burton Morgan about her debut book, The Rural Diaries: Love, Livestock, and Big Life Lessons Down on Mischief Farm. In this heartfelt and honest work, which is part memoir and part DIY with other life antidotes—hot pepper flakes to keep squirrels out of the garden (genius!), the Burton pickle recipe and how to make dandelion wine—she wants to inspire readers to take a risk. She speaks eloquently about what she had to endure in her early days as an actress, her search for meaning, building a life on a farm, relationship obstacles, grief, fertility struggles, losing herself and then ultimately finding herself. I also talked to her about her morning routines, how she lives her life with intention and the importance of creating a community.

Would you say are you a morning person?

I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential—I have been that way since I was little. I am absolutely a morning person, however, I don’t get dressed until the afternoon because I cherish the morning. I can get a lot of things done in a bathrobe, so I make my mornings last as long as possible

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 

I have to get my kids going so the first thing I do is I get my son up and make him breakfast, then pack his lunch and then I’ll go and get my daughter up and get her dressed. Then we do school drop off. I am most productive in my morning hours; it’s when I am making my lists and doing the things that require higher brain function, like answering emails, because then I can go into manual labor mode at the end of the day, hunker down and get my work done.

I know that coffee is important to you because you have a section about it in the book—a girl after my own heart! How do you prepare it?

I go through a yearly cycle where halfway through the summer, my sweet tooth kicks in and it’s when I use a lot of creamer, I like putting hazelnut creamer into my coffee that is my guilty pleasure. I also love a good gas station coffee, where it’s like the French vanilla latte— it’s just sugar with some brown food coloring. Then the other six months, I drink it black and as temperatures are starting to warm up, I don’t want all of the dairy and I just like it thin, angry and very, very strong.   At Samuel’s Sweet Shop we serve Partner’s Coffee and we also have a deal with Brooklyn Roasting Company—they created a coffee for us that we are going to be selling on the Mischief Farm website.

“I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential.”

Do you have a motivating morning mantra or meditation practice that helps to frame your day?

I don’t have a meditation practice; making lists I think is very important for me, it’s something that I have always done. My dad has this phrase that he has had forever, which I talk about in the book. It is: the want to, creates the how-to. If  you want something bad enough, you will creatively think of every way you can get it and how to do it. If you aren’t able to figure out how to do it, and you are like meh, maybe you didn’t really want it in the first place. So going into each day thinking about what I want to do and how am I going to get it is one mantra. And another mantra is, I used to do a lot of student government growing up and one convention had this huge banner with a motto that said: if not you, then who?  It’s one of those universal truths that everyone should probably say, I mean, if you don’t jump on it, who else is going to do it? That’s a call to arms.

Before we talk about your book, how are you and your family doing during this time? Per your Instagram, you have been busy at work sewing masks for frontline workers.

I don’t feel great—I  feel like there's much more that we can be doing. The problem I think specifically with being a mom right now is that we are working, we are mothering, we are housekeeping and trying to do all of these things while trying to be an active member of our community; we aren’t succeeding necessarily at any of them. We are getting by with a lot of these things, but we have to be okay with just getting by right now. There are no wins right now or we have to reevaluate what wins are right now, we have to be very gentle with ourselves and not be judgy. I got mad at myself this morning because I hadn't made masks in four days and I felt like I was letting people down. It’s hard because it’s all I want to focus on—I could churn out like 200 if I could just sit down alone and do it but I have people sending me messages about how to do it or asking me to connect makers with facilities that need things and so a lot of that coordination eats up a lot of time and at the end of the day, I look at my pile of masks and it's not as big as I want it to be. Because it is all unknown, there is no clear directive on what our next best thing is. Right now my daughter is obsessed with Frozen II and it’s been on repeat in our house. There is a song in it The Next Right Thing and I feel like Disney purposefully did this to me (laughs) because it is in my head right now. Do the next right thing, maybe it’s the dishes, the laundry, or making a mask. 

Congratulations on your first book The Rural Diaries! It’s wonderful—you speak so eloquently about love, loss, growth, grief, happiness, ups and downs in a relationship, losing yourself and finding yourself, with so many other real and raw emotions that are very relatable.  What was the process like and did you always want the book to be so honest?

I honestly set out to write a book about the farm and to encourage people to take risks. As I sat down to write it, I was pregnant with my daughter, I started it two months before she was born and then wrote it until last May. It took me a long time, especially the editing process of making sure that everything made sense and was accurate. I was very precious with it. That said, I didn't set out to write something that was so oversharing but I think that in order to encourage people to take big risks, I needed to admit the things that I had done wrong and to admit my vulnerabilities, my insecurities, because I am a deeply insecure person, and that’s not a bad thing, it just means that I care. So I felt like a fraud writing oh, this is my farm and aren’t my flowers pretty, kind of book.  So much effort went into cultivating this lifestyle and it felt cheap not to acknowledge it.

“ I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don’t want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss. ”

As I was reading it, you could feel your blood, sweat and tears and all of  the work that went into making a home and also your DIY spirit. I love that the bigger picture, as you said is to take a risk. If you stay in your comfort zone your whole life you will look back in 20 years and be disappointed that you didn’t even try.  Would you say that it was the biggest leaf of faith you’ve taken?

I would say it was the biggest gamble because I am not near my old support network, there was no family or friends here. It was me and my son in a cabin. Jeffrey (Dean Morgan, Hilarie’s husband) was coming back and forth from work and we were trying to figure out how we were going to create a life up here. You put your energy into your priorities right and a lot of people make work their priority. What we are discovering in this current situation is that maybe what’s going on in your home could be a bigger priority. Let’s make healthy circles, work might be an outer circle and home is an inner circle. Now we have this amazing support network because we made connecting with the people in our town a priority. It’s  paying off specifically right now because we are so interconnected and we can take care of each other in a lot of different ways.

What I loved so much about the book is that it feels like your heart, mind and soul lined up when you found where you belonged in Rhinebeck, New York. It was like a moment of grace.

I remember being a little girl and we weren’t allowed to go to other people's houses or have friends over. I was one of a lot of kids—I have three younger brothers—and it was like, play with each other! I’d hide out in my room all day and just daydream. I was a huge daydreamer and a big reader; in my mind, I had this idea of what my adulthood would be. It involved caftans, a lot of beads, books, crazy hair and this pastoral lifestyle. There was this character in the movie Tammy and the Bachelor—it’s this Debbie Reynolds movie and there was this old spinster aunt who was super eccentric and wanted to paint cats and I was like that sounds great. So living a lifestyle that was a little bit outside the norm was always something that was appealing. And when I came to Rhinebeck it was like walking  into the backlot of a Hollywood movie studio, it was beautiful. Everyone knew each other and it felt like a club that you wanted to join, like when you get into high school and you say, I want to be a part of that club. I wanted to be a part of it, so I made it a priority to get to know people and offer up help. When there is a charity event, it's like, what can I do? It feels nice to have the family that you choose for yourself.

What was it about the acting world that lured you in? Would you say you were a natural performer?

I had been doing theater since I was eight. I asked to be put in classes when I was four or five—I was very articulate about wanting to be a performer as a child. My parents, God bless them, gave me every opportunity they could afford. I did all of the local and regional theater in Virginia. They would get off work and spend all night taking me to rehearsals. They would drive me up to New York once a month so I could audition. We would rent a car, it was a big deal. I did a lot of professional theater as a kid so that was always there. My decision to go to college in New York was solely based on wanting to be where the opportunities existed. I just applied to every school  in Manhattan and went to the one that gave me the most money. I love the city because there is so much kismet in it, when Manhattan feels like a small town, it’s magical. I’ll run into people from like 20 years ago who I worked with at MTV.

“I honestly set out to write a book about the farm to encourage people to take risks.”

In the book, you talk about how you were very disappointed when you left One Tree Hill. later in the book, you revealed what you had to endure on set.

I was so disappointed that I got everything that I wanted and it was just so toxic, there really isn’t any other way to describe it. I am very good friends with the cast of that show and I am very good friends with so many crew members of that show but there was an overarching toxic thing. When it’s your first job, you assume that every other job will just be more of that, I was exhausted by that and really second guessed my life. It wasn’t until I got my next big job on White Collar, where I saw what it was supposed to be. I saw what leadership was supposed to look like, how people were supposed to be treated and how your boss can be an ally, as opposed to someone terrorizing you the whole entire time. I remember joking and telling a group of the writers some horror stories of One Tree Hill and laughing about it, saying, oh my gosh and you wouldn’t believe it and I remember them stopping me as a young women, I was 27, and saying, it’s not supposed to be like that and we are so so sorry that happened to you. I was so embarrassed that someone had to take me by the shoulders and tell me that. It set the bar very high for future jobs. When you get the right baseline, it’s all very manageable and fun. I love doing what I do but there was a period of time where I was so scared that what I had imagined this industry was didn't exist.

It definitely made me prioritize my personal life over my professional life. Because in my professional life, specifically on that job, I was told, you are so wonderful! You are the best! You are the best actress, the prettiest, the most talented. I was the one going out and doing all of the press, doing all of the interviews and engaging with all of the sponsors—I played the game hard for that show, because I thought that they loved me but when I raised my hand and said that there was some really bad stuff going on here, it was all of a sudden you are disposable, you don’t matter to us, we can replace you.  So I knew that I had to create something real in my life so that that work thing couldn’t touch the core anymore. It derailed me, it was like a really bad divorce.

While renovating your home you said, “Even with all the blood, sweat and tears. I felt like I was coming back to the truest version of myself.” It’s a great metaphor of how you were also rebuilding how you felt inside. 

I think that manual labor is very important for self-esteem—being an actress you are treated like you are a little idiot. If you have input of what your lines should be or how you want to wear your hair, your costume or what props you want, in good work environments there is collaboration, in toxic work environments there is eye-rolling, it's like oh, you little idiot, stay in your lane—-just hit your mark, say your lines and go home. So doing tangible work, where I could be in total control and that I controlled the end product was so good for my self-esteem and my self-worth. To this day, I still revert back to that. I just ordered five gallons of paint that got delivered yesterday because I feel so out of control in the midst of this pandemic and what I can control is the color of my living room walls. So when my children go to bed at night, I will be painting my living room. 

“It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths.”

You talked about how your friend Scott’s death affected you and that you wanted to “Wake up intentionally. Work intentionally. Eat intentionally. And rest intentionally.” I love that.  What does intention mean to you today?

I lifted that whole passage from a journal that I kept right when Scott died. When I set down to write the book, I pulled out my journals from the last 20 years and put them all out and that specific section, I wrote the week after he died. I still want to live by those words. I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don't want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss; it’s being hyperaware. I can’t live up to that every day, no one can, but if we can manage that like three to four days out of the week, that’s good.

You talk about the moment that you pivoted, after you experienced your first miscarriage, you said, “My grief was making me someone I hated.” You channeled that loss into helping others by volunteering at the Astor Services for Children and Families in Rhinebeck. I love how you said, “In working for others, we found ourselves again.”

I feel safe saying that I am a self-loathing person that stems back to some elementary school drama. Everyone carries some degree of that and everyone deals with it. When I have time to sit there and think about myself and woe is me, I can spiral just as much as the next guy, but when I am feeling that time and putting my energy to where people need it and who are desperately seeking help, affirmation or guidance or physical manual labor. It’s not that I feel better about myself but I feel a purpose out of my own self-loathing. I feel like that becomes a tool instead of a liability. You have to use the tools that you have. My self-loathing allows me to rally the troops in town, or put on a show or paint some walls.

So many women are going to relate to your journey to conceive. My heart was breaking for you as you lost your first and then second baby. Was it hard to reflect back on that part of the journey for the book or was it therapeutic?

I needed to write the book that I needed to read when it happened. The narrative with miscarriage is that women are just getting to be open to talking about it, men haven’t reached that yet. James Van Der Beek is one of the only men, who I know, who has spoken on the subject. There was no way for me to know what was going on with my husband and how he felt about my infertility or our losses because the language wasn’t there. Men aren’t allowed to mourn that way, they are expected to be strong and just help me get through it—it’s their job to make sure that I am okay. A girlfriend gave me a book called Vessels: A Love Story by Daniel Raeburn that was written from the male perspective, without Jeffrey even having to come out of his shell, or his garage where he had been hiding out, all of a sudden, I had this guide book for what he was dealing with and it very much softened my perspective. What I wanted to put into the world was for the couple who perhaps was having trouble and that celebrity narrative of oh, this brought us closer together is making them feel like a failure, the same way that it was making me feel like a failure. I wanted them to know that it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren't destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. But that doesn't mean you aren’t going to meet back up. I needed people to know that was okay. There wasn’t a lot of information telling me that it was okay.

I love discussing the subject of fear with people because it can often play such a big player in someone’s life. In the book you wrote, “There is an absolute moment of freedom when you realize that the things that used to scare you have no power over you anymore.” I underlined that about three times. Is there anything that makes you feel fear today that you are working to rise above? 

I have to set new goals for myself—I have said out loud I want to direct. I think it’s important to grow female talent in whatever industry. There is this expectation that you become an actress when you are 20 and you just stay an actress for forever, whereas for men, there are a lot of opportunities for them to direct, produce. create and all of that. I would like to grow in that aspect, I mean I am nervous about it because I don’t know if I’ll be any good. I feel like I have been in the business for a long time and I think I am very comfortable in this current stage because I got what I said I wanted, I got my baby and the farm is becoming a well-oiled machine, so then it becomes what types of stories do I want to tell. I want to write another book, so I am thinking about what’s the next book going to be. The fiction book is always there and I have so many short stories, but because you bring it up, the thing I am most scared of is putting fiction out there because it’s something that I have written my whole life for me and the idea of having it scrutinized is terrifying.

“...it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren’t destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. ”

What was the process like of creating the book? 

I spoke with a bunch of different publishers and I cannot praise Harper One enough. The second they got my book and my sample chapters, they were like, this is a feminist book. It was a boardroom full of women and they let me pick everything. They let me art direct it and pick every little piece of it because they wanted me to love it—what an amazing partnership. I didn't anticipate that I would be given that freedom. I cannot wait to write another book for them.

In addition to everything that you do, you also help run Samuel’s Sweet Shop, a joint endeavor in Rhinebeck. What’s been one of the biggest lessons you have learned about running a business?

I was very very lucky in that our business partners Andy Ostroy and his girlfriend Phoebe Jonas and then Julie Rudd and her husband Paul have all brought such different skill sets to the endeavor. Andy has had a marketing company in Manhattan for years so he understands business in a way that I don't necessarily do. Julie was a PR executive and knew what we needed to do to create the brand and I was the one who really wanted to do the manual labor part of it. I wanted to be in the shop and touch everything and make it pretty and aesthetically pleasing. It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths. I don’t have any illusions that I am good at everything but I have friends who fill in my gaps.

You are currently co-hosting and producing Night In With the Morgans on AMC and have a recurring role on NBC’s new show, “Council of Dads.” What factors have to come into play before you sign onto a new project?

That’s my kismet job. I had a public falling with a former employer because they weren’t as interested in telling as diverse of stories as I did. I just stopped working with them and it was a paycheck I wasn’t getting. I put out into the world that I wanted to tell more diverse stories and then a girlfriend of mine, Tara who I share the same birthday with and who I reference in the book, we were talking about what we wanted to do for our collective birthday that year and I said I wanted to go to Savannah because I had never been. Three days later, I got a phone call and they said, Hilarie, you got to get on a plane, there is this job waiting for you in Savannah, which was Council of Dads. This show is a beautiful showcase of what family, love and connectivity can be. Even though we shot it  pre-pandemic, I cannot think of a better project to put out into the world right now. It feels really weird to be promoting anything right now, knowing how much hurt and anxiety people are feeling, but I feel very comfortable in pointing people in the direction of that show because I feel like it’s a big warm hug.

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

[amykingpoet]

“There comes a point in everyone’s lives where we start to recognize that we are making choices, that we are determining who we are by the actions that we make,” poet, educator and activist Amy King stated in a 2015 speech at SUNY Nassau Community College, where she is a professor of English and creative writing. “What we do says a lot about who we are, not just what we say.”

As a young child growing up in the Bible Belt, King remembers going to the grocery store with her grandfather—her one source of stability, love and unconditional support at that time who, “everyday,” made comments that she was learning to understand were racist. She recalls watching her grandfather flirt with a Black woman who was checking out their groceries. “I was very young,” she told students about that day. “I didn’t even have the vocabulary at that point to recognize this feeling or to articulate what this feeling was, but it was the feeling that something hypocritical was going on.”

That was when King, who identifies as queer, began trying to figure out how to address those moments in her family. “A story begins when a protagonist recognizes a conflict and begins to address how to correct that conflict,” she shared, “and some of us choose not to address that conflict—and that is a story too.”

After growing up in Stone Mountain, Georgia, King lived with her father in Baltimore, Maryland. As a teenager, she worked for the National Security Agency after testing high for analytical skills, but says she felt “uncomfortable” there, even just at 17, and “didn’t like the way the institution was run.”

Two consistent themes throughout King’s life are “social justice and story.” Her latest book, The Missing Museum, is described as “a kind of directory of the world as it rushes into extinction, in order to preserve and transform it at once.” Publishing it won her the 2015 Tarpaulin Sky Book Prize and vaulted her to the ranks of legends like Ann Patchett, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rachel Carson and Pearl Buck when she received the 2015 Women’s National Book Association Award. (Named one of “40 Under 40: The Future of Feminism” awardees by the Feminist Press, King also received the 2012 SUNY Chancellor’s Award for Excellence in Scholarship and Creative Activities.)

King is co-editor of the anthology Big Energy Poets: Ecopoetry Thinks Climate Change and the anthology series Bettering American Poetry; her other books include I Want to Make You Safe, one of Boston Globe’s Best Poetry Books of 2011. Much of her prose, activism and other projects focus on exploring and supporting the work of other women writers, especially writers of color. King is a founding member of VIDA: Women in Literary Arts and former Editor-in-Chief of VIDA Review.

During a 2014 interview King gave for Houston’s Public Poetry Reading Series, she spoke on the subject of trying to understand poetry by asking a pivotal question: “What is ‘understanding’ and what is an ‘experience’ with a piece of art?” She went on to say poetry should “jostle” us out of our regular ways of thinking—it should “undo” us in ways that are both good and uncomfortable.

For this installment of Ms. Muse, King opens up about learning to speak up and step up—and shares three new poems with Ms. readers. Here’s to hoping that they “undo” you.

THE POEMS

Selling Short

I cannot afford to live in the city I teach in, & the number of people sleeping in cars has grown, indivisibly. This is not a dream of guarantees but the pursuit of handwritten freedoms that night the sting away. Demons of clinics devise distribution mechanics based on who you were born to & who you might know. The 2 a.m. quiet promises no solace or silence when days are hobbled & taken. Soon, light will be privately owned.

I’m Building a Body to Burn My Effigy In

I will not mention stars Today. They have been used for purposes not their own. Listen to them. Give them space. Observe but leave them distant. If you think you know everything about them now, you have outgrown yourself. In the south we say bigger than your britches burns, but I do not wish to confuse. I want to learn.

Joy Even

The denim and calico patchwork of my childhood. Mothballs in a little black box, felt lining each crevice. Michael Jackson on a hobbled turntable someone left at the apartment complex curb. Costwald Village. Regal. British. Anything but.

The dislocation of Backwoods, Georgia. The first time a man touched me, his semen glistening my inner thighs.

“Thriller” and the plywood coffee table. The hoarder grocery bag maze and Childcraft Encyclopedias flayed across the shag. My 12-year-old amazement. My 12-year-old embryo. The fact of a body electric, searing for days. Turning that birthed another world with a song and dance.

So many ways to joy. Some to death. My anything. Me, anything. Joy even.

THE INTERVIEW

Can you tell me about your process of writing “I’m Building a Body to Burn My Effigy In,” “Joy Even” and “Selling Short”?

I don’t have one process. Sometimes compiled notes take shape. Or a poem just falls out of me as if, gored, the liver drops from my body. The heart seeping sounds more fitting, but a liver plop fits better.

“I’m Building a Body…” comes from an interest in physics and mortality.

“Joy Even” is part of the slow-burn of outlining a memoir.

“Selling Short” emerges as predictive dream, touching on issues that have recently led me to Rosi Braidotti’s “The Posthuman.”

What childhood experiences with language informed your relationship with poetry?

When I first moved to live with my father in Baltimore at 15, I spoke slowly and heard the same. I often said “What?” in a deep southern drawl, uncertain of my own ears, which was probably also testament to a deeper uncertainty too. My father was my only safety line in a house full of strangers and with a stepmother who, quite quickly, began to play her own uncertainties out on me.

One day, as usual, I asked “What?” and my dad, no longer riding the romance of his daughter’s betrayal of her mother to be with him, the winner, suddenly shouted at me, “DO YOU REALLY NOT KNOW WHAT WE’RE SAYING?” It shocked the shit out of me. I made adjustments over time to alter the way I spoke, how I heard, to absorb unknown word usages and infer what I could. And to recover from what that moment meant.

You might prefer the story of how I used to read Gertrude Stein to friends over the phone to annoy them until I realized I had tricked myself as I was enjoying sounding her poetry aloud. Or how I grew up reading Nancy Drew and science fiction late into the wee hours and then woke up and watched Saturday morning cartoons in black and white. But this moment with my father shattered something. Luckily, the cracks are often where we make things and the broken pieces what we make things with.

I’m stunned by that moment with your father and your struggle to understand what people around you were saying. I’m also struck by the notion of the poet as a young girl not trusting her own ears, as you say. How did you learn to make out the words all around you–and to trust yourself?  

I don’t think I ever have really. I just embrace the temporality of life a bit more than usual and go with what comes across. It’s why I am not embarrassed to ask someone to pass the “lotion” for the salad or to verb nouns for decades now. I think subconsciously I suppressed my accent as a response to my father, but that shock taught me that not only is my mother unreliable, but so is the alternative, my father. I had already been disabused of the notion of unconditional love; I was holding out hope in him for at least a lasting, warm embrace. I’ve grown since that bottoming out: DNA is not all, and one can find family—and become family—elsewhere.

This is all linked to the notion that people speak to signal group intimacy; language is shaped by mutual alliances and allegiances. When family rejects your language needs, believe the message it sends and seek anew.

Do you seek out poetry by women and non-binary writers? If so, since when and why? More specifically, how has the work of feminist poets mattered in your childhood and/or your life as an adult?

I won a city-wide fiction contest for Baltimore ArtScape during my senior year of high school. It was judged by Lucille Clifton, which made a lasting impression on me. I was not a writer, but my high school English teacher, Carolyn Benfer, encouraged me tremendously. I was attending a vocational school in the city and, up to that point, was destined to become a CPA.

From there, I attended the University of Maryland at Towson State and had the good fortune to enroll as a double major in English and Women’s Studies. The latter program is especially noteworthy as the program served as the model for many other Women’s Studies programs across the country, as envisioned and spearheaded by Elaine Hedges, who was also an active feminist, affiliated with the Feminist Press. This program led me to numerous marginalized writers back in the early nineties that I likely would not have encountered so early on independently or simply from core English classes.

I cannot speak highly enough about the work that Women’s Studies program did. The short answer is that the program taught me to seek work by marginalized writers as I would be missing out on so much otherwise. I do not seek literature simply to reflect my own experiences—I seek to learn beyond them.

What groundbreaking (or ancient) works, forms, ideas and issues in poetry today interest and concern you?

There is no one work, and as such, I continue to read widely. There are so many books I have not read yet, which is thrilling. Some of my touchstones range from Cesar Vallejo to Leonora Carrington to Audre Lorde to James Baldwin to Lucille Clifton to Gertrude Stein to John Ashbery. There are numerous younger poets I look to for energy, shifts in consciousness and awareness of current cultural concerns and who also signal structural and formal changes. A handful include Billy-Rae Belcourt, Chen Chen, Joshua Jennifer Espinoza, Vievee Francis, Airea D. Matthews, Raquel Salas Rivera, TC Tolbert, Ocean Vuong and Phillip B. Williams—but this by no means is an exhaustive list. Check out the poets anthologized in the Bettering American Poetry series I am lucky enough to be a part of.

As a woman, and as a woman who writes, what do you need to support your work? What opportunities, support, policies and actions can/could make a direct difference for you—and for other women writers you know?

Besides the room, money and time Virginia Woolf called for, I’m beginning to find that a support network is vital. I don’t think this needs to be formal or a writing collaboration. I simply mean that it is encouraging to have regular check-ins with a small group of writers, as few as two even, where you discuss what you’re each working on, maybe share a small piece/excerpt, get feedback and discuss ideas.

It is often the idea exchange, even with just a friend on the phone, that I find generative. I find myself articulating ideas and vision in a way that is as revealing to myself as to my friend. I leave those conversations with ideas of where to head next with a poem or on what to research to build foundational ideas for a concept.

What’s next? What upcoming plans and projects excite you?

I’m outlining a memoir—fingers crossed—and writing poems. I may birth an essay down the road, but that is gestating for now. And volunteering time and support to a program called La Maison Baldwin Manuscript Mentors, a nonprofit arts and culture association that remembers and celebrates James Baldwin in Saint-Paul de Vence, to save James Baldwin’s house and turn it into a vital residency in France.

How has the current political climate in the U.S. affected you as a woman writer?

I am not so much shocked as often startled. I think we all knew white supremacy, colonialism and toxic masculinity were at the helm, but the built-in invisibilities kept them shrouded in respectability politics and notions of civility, and of course, that begs the question: Whose civility? I also don’t think we are in some unique moment of history where shocking things have taken hold and the end is nigh, but that is how it feels at times. Power and paradigm shifts are often premised on tectonic shifts, and folks have to finally step up, choose sides.

That seems key at the moment: one can no longer pretend to be above the fray. And that may be most painful for those of us with privilege. No one is outside anything after all.

TAGGED:

INTERVIEW

,

MS. MUSE

,

POETRY

MS. MAGAZINE FEATURE - CLICK HERE - HTTPS://MSMAGAZINE.COM/2019/02/28/MS-MUSE-AMY-KING-POWER-STORIES-WEIGHT-CURRENT-POLITICAL-MOMENT/

[desperatelyseekingroleplay]

howdy ^3

howdy, howdy fine folks! shock and surprise, i am looking for a couple of writing partners :> i am 24, and i work fulltime as well as study, so while i cannot promise rapidfire posts, i can promise a post about every two days to several times a week! additionally, i adore ooc chatter, so even while i cannot post consistently – i will happily chatter about the characters or life in general :> just let me know if this isn’t your thing, that’s cool too! so, limits/fun factoids about my style/"tl;dr are we compatible?" first: + when reaching out to me, please tell me your limits and any plot/character ideas!  + addendum: i will not respond to emails that don't contain any information about you, your limits, and what you're looking to write or what characters you'd like to use! it doesn't even need to be completely fleshed out, but any starting point helps us both figure out if we have chemistry without extensive back and forth <: thanks!  + i write over email or google drive, and i prefer to chat over google hangouts. + i'm adaptable and laidback! however, i do not write pedophilia, anything involving minors, rape/sexual assault, incest, abusive relationships, romantic large age gaps (that's 10+ years if characters are under 30), nor master x slave + quality is far more valuable than quantity. i'd vastly prefer two paragraphs of sustenance than ten of filler. + third person only, please +i do like long-term! i am not the person for you if you'd like something short-term. + romance and platonic is welcome! as far as romance goes, all gender identities and sexual identities are a-okay. i do admittedly have a preference for m// + i cannot promise you romance! sometimes two characters don't jive as fuck buddies, but they're great buddies buddies, and i'm okay with that! but please do let me know if romance matters to you! :> i do not want to disappoint. + i prefer writing middle-aged to older farts! + again - i love ooc chatter! i love drawing art, sharing ideas and outlandish scenes about the characters, and i love to joke around and share pictures of my cat. i'd love it if you did too, but it's okay if you're just interested in writing!  + i don't double, i prefer focusing on one character. however, i often have side and background characters + if you're not feeling it or if life happens, that's okay. you are free to either tell me you're not interested/too busy and want to drop/brainstorm something else, or even ghost me! i will do my best to communicate, but i am sorry in advance if i disappear without a word! i try to be pretty good at letting people know if i am not feeling it or if i am going on a break <:  + i love humor, fluff, and lighthearted stories. i love writing about small moments of kindness and warmth, and i love writing the little awkward moments in life. constant crises are fun too! just in limited doses - i am not your person for consistent dark nor angsty material. this does not mean that our story can't have conflict, angst, nor sad moments, but that these are ingredients to an overall good-natured story.  + yes, yes, i know i write like a goob - but i promise you that my posts will be crafted with love and care, but my ooc speak is genuinely me excitedly sneaking texts during my morning meetings on my cellphone, hahaha what do i like to write?  [modern] + i love modern! i am happy writing about cops and lawyers, scientists, military readjusting to civilian life, boring divorced dads who find lifelong love with other divorced dads, fluffy slice-of-life, etc. + politics and crime! + science, engineering, and medicine and the arts! + military and coming back home! + leaving the city for a life on a farm! + leaving the farm for a life in the city! + this is a terribly broad genre, i am really open to anything!  [fantasy & monsters] + i am also happy to write fantasy!  + fantasy can genuinely be blended into anything, into modern, sci-fi, post apocalyptic, etc. + i am also happy with pure, vanilla, cheesy fantasy - with kings, queens, beautiful warhorses and kingdoms by the sea, and conventionally attractive people with healthy teeth and... far less dysentery.  + i am happy to write sci-fi into fantasy - hunters/mercenaries with eyes that can hologram maps and prey, platinum horses made of gaskets and titanium joints who breathe steam, a kingdom in the sky, anything! + something all 'bout dat circus life! star crossed lovers tropes abound! + very, very old monsters who pester that one Highly Top Secret Government Agent ™ to let them see the spectral ghost of their mortal loved one from centuries ago. the ghosts of their in-laws also tag along. + good-natured, summoned demon spouses who just wish you'd get along with your in-laws who reside in a lovely three-bedroom villa style family home in hell. + i have a love for monsters trying to figure out this whole. human. thing. attempting to fit polo shirts for their office job over their curled horns, old werewolves trimming their nosehairs and their primary physician chiding at them for eating too much red meat, etc. there are so, so many possibilities. [post-apocalyptic] + i've got spurs that jingle jangle jingle! post-apocalyptic in the wild, wild west sounds incredibly fun! + one innocent or guilty chump gets kicked out of a survivors organization, and their closest friend follows. then they both adventure into the great unknown of a hollow world. + zombie survival, maybe? [sci-fi] + i don't have anything specific! typically, my sci-fi is blended in with other themes :> if you have anything, i'd love to hear it! [... guilty pleasures] + i love the cheesy, humorous, and cute things! love, love, love writing that domestic, usually peaceful, sweet life of two happy people who have been together for ages or just met in their golden years after heartbreaks. + though i am not usually interested in cheesy, obnoxious tropes... i have a soft spot for gruff, grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by darling, soft yet commanding, and pretty men. [miscellaneous] + this is hardly an exhaustive list of ideas or themes that interest me! if you have something in mind that you do not see, or anything at all, please do let me know! i love brainstorming and hearing ideas :> what characters do i have in mind? i have two in mind! they are pretty decent foils to each other: + one is svelte, aloof, posh, thoughtful. the very characterization of something like... a sleek, abyssinian cat playing the cello. intriguing, a little odd, and a goof at the core. + the other is beefy, grumpy, and also... a goof at the core. the archetype of an ornery grandpa with the warmest heart and a distinguished grey streak in his hair. both are middle-aged men and adaptable to anything from old-fashioned fantasy, to modern, to sci-fi, to fantasy-modern hybrids, to post apocalyptic. they can be rogues, kings, survivors, lawyers, detectives, chefs, scientists, neighbors, loyal right-hands, anything from protectors and anchors to the village/office boob.  i am preferring to write the former gentleman, but i am up to write either, or someone completely different! i am also happy to elaborate upon contact if you are interested! fortunately, each one is more complex than several adjectives and a stereotypical archetype. i'd also love to hear the characters you have in mind! are you interested? well, neat-o! i can be reached at blemishedatom@gmail.com, i look forward to hearing from you!

[rydenstories]

in the bathroom mirror

REDDIT

When I tell new acquaintances that I grew up around the paranormal community, they expect that I grew up in a specific environment; with eccentric but neglectful parents constantly scaring me about ghosts rattling chains and whispering threats. This was not the upbringing I experienced. I lived in a loving household with parents who, although were very upfront about what their hobby was, kept me in the dark about the scarier parts to make sure I grew up the same as my peers. I'd always felt that my parents, and their friends (investigators, mediums, etc.) were heroes and investigated to keep people safe. I didn't think on it much past that when I was little.

They did so well at keeping me sheltered from the darker truths of the paranormal, they assumed I was safe from those unexplainable forces by default. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

My parents investigated on week nights because they had a sitter (another investigator's daughter) and they knew they wouldn't return home until I was in bed. They could unwind and go over evidence without exposing me. That night, I shouldn't even have been awake but I needed to use the bathroom. I quietly shut my bedroom door as i entered the hall, hoping I wouldn't alert the sitter to my presence. I glanced into the living room, noticing that the sitter was absent from her normal spot on the couch. Shrugging this off, I crossed the hallway into the bathroom. After doing my business I flushed, washed my hands, and went to return to bed when I heard the front door crash open, slamming against the wall. I quickly shut the bathroom light off and cracked the door just enough that I could peek out into the living room without being seen.

Seven people, including my parents and the sitter, were panickedly shuffling through the front door with something rectangular covered in a large flannel jacket. Everyone was shouting in confusion between my parents telling everyone to quiet down. At some point the object was sat down on the floor and before anyone could really figure out what was going on, a loud crack silenced the room. I couldn't see who, but someone had stepped on the object and broke it quite seriously. Everyone froze and I suddenly felt something was wrong. Mom quietly questioned "what did you do?" to a silent room. Nobody answered her.

Something about the situation unleashed a horrible fear I'd never experienced. I backed away from the bathroom door, closing it as quietly as I possibly could while flicking the light on. Casually turning and glancing at my reflection in the mirror at that moment pushed terror to an incomprehensible level for my 9 year old brain. Nothing in the room was out of place, but my reflection had changed. The boy looking back at me didn't feel like me. He looked like me, but he peered into my own eyes with an entirely different expression on his face than the one I knew I currently wore on my own. It was a look of hate. I broke my gaze away and some of the fear subsided, but not all.

I stayed there frozen for a while, facing away from the mirror and listening to people shuffling around outside, waiting for my opportunity to leave the bathroom without being seen. I'd never been so scared, I just wanted to leave that room so badly and the minutes felt like hours. Still, somewhere between my personal naivety and my curiosity, I decided to turn just enough that I could see the mirror our of the corner of my eye. The boy hadn't moved as my reflection should have with me. He was looking straight forward, the sockets of his eyes now filled with a glowing light that somehow didn't reflect out into the room at all. His mouth was open at a small slit and I could almost sense whispers escaping it despite no sound echoing out into the silent bathroom. He didn't know I was seeing him and I didn't know what I was seeing either, so I quickly looked away again in fear. The sense of whispering disappeared as soon as I broke my gaze from him and I realized that the house was silent again. I quickly left the bathroom and darted across the hallway into my bedroom, knowing I'd averted being caught but not caring either way.

I woke up the next morning ill and unable to speak. My parents kept me home from school in hopes that tylenol and rest could be enough, but I only got sicker as time passed. Being so immersed in illness, I barely thought about what I'd seen in the mirror at all. The days went on and I became delirious to the point where I don't exactly remember much. Mom and Dad rushed me to the hospital and my fever only broke after three days. I started feeling better, but I was kept in the hospital for further testing for almost two weeks due to the fact that they couldn't figure out exactly what had caused such extreme illness despite all clean tests when I came in. They still really don't know.

After going back home, my parents were so worried about me that they totally dropped paranormal investigation to spend more time keeping an eye on my heath. As soon as my fever dropped in the hospital, I remembered the incident with the mirror and immediately made a connection between that and my illness. As you could imagine, I felt very threatened and unsafe in my own home, but I also felt a level of subconscious guilt. I wasn't supposed to be awake that night. I was supposed to be safe with all of these strong people around. It felt like my fault. Regardless, it was still in there. I didn't know if my parents felt it, but even being near the bathroom made me nauseous, sad, and terrified.

Despite all of the guilt I felt, and how afraid I was, I hid it from my parents for a short time. Our house had two bathrooms, and I felt fine in the other. Unfortunately, sleeping in my bedroom made it much harder to keep the secret. I hated it in there. It was right across the hall from the awful bathroom and I could feel ill intent just behind the door. I tried sleeping on the couch but my parents only thought it was cute the first few times before insisting I sleep in my bedroom.

My quality of life rapidly declined from there. I found it hard to sleep or eat. My grades declined. My parents were concerned it was the unknown illness I'd experienced but the doctors were giving absolutely no answers. They seemed so stressed and I felt so terrible, I tried my hardest to act normally despite the inner torment but it was clearly not working well.

Although my parents could stop doing paranormal investigation, they couldn't stop their friends in the paranormal community from eventually coming over. Madge, an old medium who was essentially a grandmother figure for me, stopped over unannounced and was finally the first person to experience the terrible feeling besides myself. I was on the couch watching TV when she came through the door, stopped cold in her tracks, and exclaimed "JESUS DO YOU PEOPLE NOT FEEL THAT?" This blunt question hit me so hard I couldn't breathe and found myself hyperventilating in seconds. For me, the jig was up. Madge stayed frozen at the door as my parents ran to me and desperately pleaded for an explanation. Emotion had washed over me so intensely that I found it impossible to do anything but cry. Cry out of desperation and out of fear, even relief that someone had broken through finally. I remember my mom kept asking me why I wasn't explaining myself when Madge answered for me "it probably has him too afraid to speak, dummy." So we left and I finally was able to tell them everything.

In the following weeks, I stayed with a relative while my parents investigated the house. At the time, I wasn't given a ton of information, I just knew they were trying to make things safe again. I would later come home on the day they decided to remove the mirror. I stood in the middle of the living room and watched as they carried it out of the bathroom and headed towards the front door. I still saw that boy in the mirror as it passed, the not-me. He still exuded hate and caused fear, but it almost felt like he was a vicious predator being carted off against his will to imprisonment.

The house didn't immediately feel better. Madge believed that houses are much like people, and they need to heal from trauma as well. My parents clearly were affected too, and the road to feeling safe again was difficult. Still, over time, we all greatly improved.

I didn't ask much about the situation afterwards as a child; I was content with the fact that my parents had worked so hard to make home safe again. However, as I got older, I grew more curious. Upon my request, she finally filled in the missing pieces several years ago.

Back to the initial incident. She, my father, and several other investigators were working on a non-typical job. A family had been experiencing entirely different symptoms than those I had faced. Their daughter was experiencing bouts of rage linked with objects moving and audible voices being heard. Mom admitted that they were nowhere near equip to deal with the presented situation; they went in cocky, fully expecting to debunk and diffuse the situation. However, they were presented with so much more. They were faced with an entity that they believed was using the girl's mirror as a conduit.

Not knowing how to deal with a conduit AT ALL, they decided to remove the mirror and relocate it somewhere safe, away from people. However, being around the mirror during the ride home made everyone uneasy and disoriented. By the time they got to the house, everyone was speaking over each other and trying to move the mirror in several directions before it was sat down and stepped on, something they were unaware that I witnessed. At that moment, they all snapped forward into sharp lucidity, realizing that they had no idea whether or not they'd just made a horrible mistake. Shocked, everyone snapped to cleaning up the mess and disposing of it outside. They afterward reasoned to themselves that breaking the mirror forced the entity back to where it came from.

They never originally made the connection between that incident and my illness because it never occurred to them that malevolence could inhabit the safety of their home without them catching it first. I think there's a part of me that kept quiet about it for so long because I couldn't accept that it could happen to us either. These both could be reasons why my parents couldn't sense it, even when they were staring directly into that mirror every single day. Maybe it was because it just didn't want them.

After everything came to the surface, my parents exhausted pretty much every connection they had in the paranormal community. For weeks, they tried to cleanse and exorcise the mirror to no avail. The entity wouldn't interact other than to react to photos and mention of me. It became clear to them that conduits could not be cured and destroying the conduit only gave the entity more power, but it could still be contained somewhere safe. Madge advised my parents to allow me to witness them removing the mirror to show the entity that it had lost. She took ownership so she could properly relocate it.

Currently, I'm the only person in my family that is not a paranormal investigator. I love my parents and I've still never been embarrassed about what they do, but I couldn't handle facing something that could even pale in comparison to what I experienced within my bathroom mirror. There's another part of it though. Two years ago, Madge passed. Mom and I were in charge of dividing up her possessions between those who loved her and those who could care for the objects we'd assumed she'd taken on. However, she was not in possession of the mirror.

I never want to chance seeing that mirror again because there's a part of me that knows he doesn't think he lost when they removed the mirror, and I never want to give him an opportunity to prove himself the victor.

[n0ttinghamshad0w]

It's not like I'm falling in love, I just want you to do me no good And you look like you could

ROBIN OLIVER HUNT (Name at birth: Robin Huang; Alias: Robert Oliver Gardner)

Birthday: March 12 1990 (Pisces) Hogwarts House (Primary):  Gryffindor Hogwarts House (Secondary): Slytherin Myers-Briggs: ENFP Enneagram: Type 8 Height:  5’9

Overview:

Mother:

1.       Unknown—Linda Huang, still alive, forced to give up her child by her conservative parents who did not want her raising a child out of wedlock, has not tried to make contact with her son.

2.       Mother Florence—the head nun at Nottingham Orphanage, firm, but kind; strict, but genuinely wanted the best for the children; had a soft spot for Robin, since he’d been there for like all his life.

3.       Barbara Economides—Robin’s first foster mom, had six kids of her own, but room in her heart for a dozen more

Father:

1.       Unknown—Ernesto Rosetti

2.       George Economides—Robin’s first foster dad, loving and hard-working man, who unfortunately did not have a very hard-working cardiovascular system. Died of a heart attack when Robin was ~12

Mother’s Occupation: he doesn’t care about his birth mom, but Barbara owned a bakery

Father’s Occupation: he doesn’t care about his birth dad, but George owned a bakery

Family Finances: well, none of the homes he was in were great financially

Birth Order: only child as far as he’s concerned

Siblings: N/A--(Stefan, Petros, Elek, Idola, Eileen, Karena...the Economides kids)

Other Close Family: None

Best Friend: Joan Woode (28)

Other Friends: Tuck Frere (26), Martin Maddon (18), Fakhir Azhar (27)

Enemies: all those who neglect/abuse their children

Pets: none, would love a bird or a fox tho

Home Life During Childhood: He was in an orphanage till he was nine, and it was not a bad orphanage at all, just massively under-funded. At nine, he was placed in a foster home, a large Greek family, and he was very well-loved and well-taken care of, but the father dropped dead of a heart attack when Robin was 12 and the Economides family had to move and they couldn’t take care of Robin. He shuffled through like four other foster homes, at least one of which he was badly abused in, till at seventeen, he just didn’t come home one day and the family never reported it and that was that.

Town or City Name(s): Nottingham, England

What Did His Bedroom Look Like: Never had a steady room, or one of his own. Always shared with someone else, always a small bed.

Any Sports or Clubs: Nah, he was the type of kid who hung out under bridges and threw stuff.

Favorite Toy or Game: Had a toy archery kit back at the Economides house

Schooling: left school at seventeen

Favorite Subject: History and English, loved old stories of Robin Hood

Popular or Loner: loner---’cept he was real popular with the “troubled” kids, the freak in freaks and geeks

Important Experiences or Events: When George died, the abuse at the other foster homes

Health Problems: None

Culture: English?? He’s actually Italian and Chinese, but wouldn’t know at all. Considers himself Greek, if anything

Religion and beliefs: The only time in his life when he was religious was when he lived with the Economides family and went to church on the reg, since then, he’s convinced that if a God does exist, he’s a shitty God and only people can really help each other

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits: smoking, drinking, commitment issues, def has ghosted girls before...oh yeah, uh, stealing things??? He’s also a pickpocket

Good Habits: very good with children, when he wants to be he’s very kindhearted, very charismatic, very charming, good sweet-talker

Best Characteristic: intense--has his set of beliefs and morals and will stick by them

Worst Characteristic: intense--to the point where he isolates himself

Worst Memory: The moment the Economides family left him at the social services office (also George’s death lbr)

Best Memory: His first Christmas with the Economides family

Proud of: the money he’s been able to give back to the orphanage

Embarrassed by: his lack of formal education

Driving Style: erratically, I don’t think he has a license but he definitely knows how to drive--does not get into accidents, but is hella reckless

Strong Points: passionate, believes in a cause, dedicated friend, charming, charismatic, quick-learner, good with his hands

Temperament: sanguine

Attitude: passionate, intense

Weakness: has a very specific mission, keeps people at a distance unless you’ve proved yourself to him, you can know him but never really know him

Fears: man, uh, not being able to make a difference

Phobias: abandonment issues~~~

Secrets: the fact that he’s a master thief

Regrets: not finishing secondary, not being like a better person or whatever

Feels Vulnerable When: talking about his past

Pet Peeves: tourists (but they make good bait), people who hate on people who use subtitles, americans, mac copmputers

Conflicts: his very idealistic moral code vs reality, his very idealistic moral code and mission vs caring about his own life/needs

Motivation: justice for children

Short Term Goals and Hopes: find Tuck’s family, steal from Tuck’s family, find Martin, find enough money to get Fakhir a good lawyer

Long Term Goals and Hopes: well shit, making a difference in the lives of people somehow

Sexuality: heterosexual, but could be convinced to fuck a bloke

Exercise Routine: just generally active, runs a fair bit, likes to play sports with friends

Day or Night Person — Night

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert

Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist

Likes and Styles:

Music: alt-rock, classic rock, rock in general, also some punk

Books: he likes old stories and folktales (ie; Robin Hood whom he modeled himself after), but does have a soft spot for some high fantasy books (he’s a big fan of Lloyd Alexander’s work--wait, I guess that doesn’t exist since The Black Cauldron is disney but IM SURE HE HAD SOME SORTA EQUIVALENT...The Beige Cauldron) and adventure novels

Magazines: GQ probs let’s be real. Never bought one, always knicked ‘em out of newstands. ALso probably playboy……...Recently has been into tech mags.

Foods: Greek food---reminds him of his time with the Economides family. Loves him a good lamb gyro with a big side of chips.

Drinks: Whiskey--straight up. Not a huge tea drinker, but likes a strong Turkish coffee. Also Gin and Tonics

Animals: Foxes and birds of prey. Tbh, kinda hates that the name the orphanage gave him is ROBIN for crying out loud it sounds so fuckin’ wimpy

Sports: big football fan, also into rugby, probably out of all my characters the one who follows sports the most jeez

Social Issues: def def a huge proponent for children’s rights, especially within the foster system; that’s his biggest thing, but he’s also really for Magick-Rights and against the pressing xenophobia and nationalism that’s rising in a lot of Western European nations

Favorite Saying: Faint heart never won fair lady; As you wish

Color: Dark forest green

Clothing: enough to maintain his image as a #rebel, but def does not invest toooo much in fashion. Lots of cool jackets, mostly darker colors

Jewelry: nah, mate that’s excessive (has this pendent that Barbara gave him that used to be George’s but that’s it)

Games: loves dominoes a lot actually

Websites: uhh reddit probably

TV Shows: probs into Game of Thrones and #epic period dramas

Movies: his absolute favorite movie is The Princess Bride, he loves good action flicks with a dash of epic romance--something with a real hero. Also probs a Star Wars fan. V for Vendetta

Greatest Want: to make a difference in the world, to make sure no child is ever hurt

Greatest Need: to let people in

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home: small studio apartment in Benbow

Household furnishings: sparse, probs just sleeps on a mattress let’s be real, has a hot plate and a mini fridge, uses a crate for a coffee table

Favorite Possession: his trusty pocket knife, one of the first things he bought with his own money

Most Cherished Possession: necklace that Barbara Economides gave to him that used to belong to George, it is a Greek Cross

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: the only serious one was this rather posh girl when he was 21. She ended up getting pregnant, but got an abortion and the relationship sorta derailed after that.

Children: nah

Relationship with Family: lol

Car: n/a

Career: no “career”--has worked service jobs and manual labor, was a bartender for a bit but quit bc of the Fakhir thing

Dream Career: god, he doesn’t know--maybe a social worker, tbh, or owning some sort of afterschool program for kids

Dream Life: he wouldn’t tell you, but being married to a beautiful girl, having a buncha kids, adopting a bunch too

Love Life: a string of one-night stands and brief dramatic love affairs that ended like smoke in the night

Hobbies : knife-throwing, wood-carving

Guilty Pleasure : women?

Sports or Clubs: not at the moment

Talents or Skills : wood-carving, bartending, bit of an amateur hacker, decent dancer and football player, decent at like climbing things lol, lock-picking, stealth talents

Intelligence Level: Never did well in school, but is quite very streetsmart and can read people very well, knowledgable on random things, courtsey of Tuck 

Finances: not as bad as you’d think, but still def the poorest out of my characters. He’s the type of dude who gives everything he gets back--always drops in coins for street musicians, always

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #139 - Brave

Spoilers below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes, #166.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Like a lot of post Toy Story 3 Pixar movies, Brave gets some crap from people for not being as brilliant as movies like Up. But I really like it!

2) The entire prologue works very well for the film. We get a clear sense of the relationship between Merida and her parents, specifically her mother. It is that relationship with her mother which allows for juxtaposition of their more flawed relationship in the rest of the film. We also get a nice introduction to Mordu and the wisps.

3) Kelly MacDonald as Merida.

There are so few voice over actors who so perfectly represents their characters as perfectly as Macdonald does Merida. I mean it’s mind blowing! The actress is able to capture the princess’s youthful vigor, stubbornness, struggles with her mother, love for her family, and sense of adventure all...perfectly! There is no Macdonald there is only Merida. Merida through and through. Reese Witherspoon was originally cast in the part but dropped out because of her accent problems I think (not 100% sure) and honestly - while I love Reese Witherspoon - I’m so glad she did. I can’t imagine ANYONE else playing Merida quite as spectacularly as Macdonald does.

4) Emma Thompson as Queen Elinor.

Thompson is a fine voice over actress (not fine as in mediocre but fine as in fine wine). She has had experience before in Treasure Planet and would do voice over work again in this year’s Beauty and the Beast, and she imbues Elinor with the same great sense of character as she does her other parts. You are able to understand that Elinor is trying to come from a place of love and caring for Merida, even if you don’t agree with her actions (which I don’t). It is easy to see where Merida gets her ferocity from as Thompson plays Elinor with the same sense of strength and even gets moments to show off some nice humor. I like Elinor mostly because of the journey she goes on through the film, and i think Thompson does a nice job in the part.

5) “Touch the Sky” by Julie Fowlis is a nice first song to feature in the film. It represents not only the film’s Scottish setting but also Merida’s sense of adventure quite well.

6) Billy Connolly as Fergus.

Connolly is a master comedian and honestly I’m laughing just looking at this GIF of Fergus I’m using. He’s so funny and his voice has such life to it that its a wonderful part to isolate for this movie. But Connolly also has range. Towards the end of the film when he thinks his wife is dead Connolly is able to show some great grief and focus through his portrayal as the Scot. You understand why this man is king in those moments, but you still laugh for most of the film.

7) Was Pixar ever subtle with their references, or was I just too stupid to get them as a kid?

^^^^Lord Macintosh (Steve Jobs helped get Pixar started)^^^^

8)

Elinor [after telling Merida about the forced arranged marriage]: “I don’t know why you’re reacting this way!”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

9) We get a nice peek into how Fergus & Elinor work as a married couple in small moments throughout the film.

Fergus: “You’re muttering.”

Elinor: “I don’t mutter!”

Fergus: “Ay, you do!”

The way Fergus shows pride in his queen being fierce, the way she is able to quell his rivalry with the other clan heads, his love for her seen after she’s presumed dead, all paint a nice image of a marriage.

10) I may be biased because I first saw this film when I was 16 years old, but I always felt that Merida was listening to her mother’s reasons but they just don’t matter as much as her mother thinks they do. To the contrary, I feel like Elinor really does not listen to or consider what Merida is saying.

11) Obligatory John Ratzenberger cameo in a Pixar film!

Since this is my first recap of a Pixar film, I’ll explain for those who may not know: John Ratzenberger has had a role in literally ever Pixar feature length film ever made. Ham in Toy Story, PT Flea in A Bug’s Life, Mack in Cars, John in WALL-E, the list is all encompassing. They even called notice to this fact in Cars when all the characters are at the drive in movie during the credits.

It’s nice that Pixar has continued their tradition of including the voice actor in all their films, but I’m a bit disappointed his roles seem to becoming progressively smaller. Still, better some John Ratzenberger than no John Ratzenberger.

12) The trio of Macintosh, Macguffin and Dingwall provides a fun extra layer of comedy to the film. Their feuding and bickering are funny in the classic sense. In a lot of ways they are the animated Scottish equivalent to the Three Stooges.

Craig Ferguson as Macintosh, Kevin McKidd as Macguffin, and Robbie Coltrane as Dingwall all do an excellent job with making their characters unique and playing off of the other. They’re really just a lot of fun.

13) This film has some A-grade humor.

Lord Dingwall: “I present, my ONLY son!”

14) I would say the film’s biggest weakness would be is that it can lack focus at times. Especially earl on, some scenes feel like they go on just a little bit too long meaning the film might feel like it doesn’t get very far in it’s 90 minute run time. It’s not fatal and as I said above I still truly enjoy this film, but there’s also a behind the scenes for that I’ll get to later on.

15) With the trio of Merida, Fergus, and Elinor, the film really does do a nice job of fleshing out their relationships in small but important ways. Merida and Elinor’s relationship IS the focus on the film, and I’ve commented on Fergus and Elinor before, but Merida and Fergus are shown to have a nice camaraderie between them. A respect and admiration for each other, as well as a shared sense of humor. This was scene first at the dinner table before Merida was told of the arranged marriage and is seen again (at its best) when Merida and her dad are providing colorful commentary on the suitors as the compete for her hand.

16) Dude...

Merida: “I am Merida, first born descendant of clan Dunbroch. And I’ll be shooting for my OWN hand!”

Okay first:

Second: THIS FREAKING SCENE!!!!!

This entire scene has become wildly iconic, and one could say it was so upon release. It is by far the best scene in the entire film, supported by strong character writing, sleek simplicity, and incredible visuals. It is the turning point for the movie. The time when Merida is at her strongest and we as the audience or most enthralled with the plot of the movie. I truly love it.

17) Elinor roughing up Merida and throwing her bow in the fire after the archery contest always made me uncomfortable. It is hard to watch the queen get physically rough with her daughter, even if it isn’t really abusive. I think that’s the point of the moment though: we as the audience (or at least me as an audience member) can really imagine how shook up Merida must feel from this encounter. This is her MOM! Even though they have their differences there’s supposed to be a trust there.

18) The Woodcarver!!!

Voiced by Julie Walters (Molly Weasley herself), The Woodcarver/Witch is a wildly memorable and funny character. She is well established and well used in her brief amount of screen time, providing the film with a sense of visual comedy that feels like it’s straight out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I truly appreciate that.

19) Have you heard of Pixar Theory?

Pixar Theory is the in depth theory that all Pixar films take place in one shared continuity/universe, even going into some dark details about how the world of Cars can be the same one that the human filled world of Up or The Incredibles is in. There is one very key and very important idea in Pixar Theory that applies to Brave. Are you guys ready? Okay...

The Witch from Brave is Boo from Monsters Inc.

You can read the full theory here, but the gist of it is that Monsters Inc. does not take place in an alternate dimension but in a future Earth without humans. Therefore, the doors in Monsters Inc. allow the characters to travel in time. Here’s an excerpt from the theory:

And then there’s Boo. What do you think happened to her? She saw everything take place in future earth where “kitty” was able to talk. She became obsessed with finding out what happened to her friend Sully and why animals in her time weren’t quite as smart as the ones she’d seen in the future.

She remembers that “doors” are the key to how she found Sully in the first place and becomes…

A WITCH. Yes, Boo is the witch from Brave. She figures out how to travel in time to find Sully, and goes back to what she believes is the source: The will-of-the-wisps.

A carving of Sully can briefly be seen in the Woodcarver’s/Witch’s hut, lending support to the theory.

Later Merida is also opening doors that lead nowhere, and the author of Pixar Theory argues this is because The Witch found out how to get doors to travel between time. I just thought I’d share this with you. Moving on.

20)

Merida [when she tells the witch what she wants]: “I want a spell to change my mom. That’ll change my fate.”

According to IMDb:

It took six years to make this film. Mark Andrews was initially the consultant, providing the Scottish themes for Brenda Chapman. However, by October 2010, Chapman left after four years of work with Andrews subsequently taking over but still keeping the intended story that Chapman wrote. Originally 80% of the film took place in snow, but when Chapman left the project so did much of the white stuff.

Part of the film’s issue with focus is that it can at times feel like two different films at once: a fantasy epic and a mother/daughter story. I assume these issues are born out of the change in directors (although Brenda Chapman does claim the film is something she’s proud of and that it kept her original vision) and at the end they do mesh well, but they don’t necessarily mesh well throughout the ENTIRE movie.

21) I’m going to be honest: the fact that the big magical twist of the movie is that Elinor is turned into a bear caught me 100% off guard the first time I saw it.

I like it now in hindsight but I was just totally blind sided upon initial viewing. Which was actually kind of nice, because I’d seen 165 films in less than three years before then. I’m not surprised as much as I’d like.

22) The rare time in a film where a character actually says what I’m thinking:

Merida [when Elinor wants to go to the "Let’s Kill a Bear” party downstairs]: “Dad? The Bear King!? If he so much as sees you you’re dead!”

23) This is so applicable to so many talking animal films.

Merida [to Elinor]: “You’re covered in fur! You’re not naked!”

24) So The Witch is sort of a one trick pony. She turned Mordu into a bear, she turned Merida’s mom into a bear, and later she describes her shop as, “Home of bear themed carvings and novelties.” Like, is that like all she can do? Turn people into bears?

25) The scene at the river (underscored by “Into the Open Air”) is a key moment in the relationship between Merida and Elinor. Elinor finally sees that all the things she wanted of her daughter have no use to her now, while all the things “unbefitting” to a princess are what’s keeping them fed in the wilderness. They have some nice fun and it’s just a really great moment.

26) Momma Bear Elinor almost attacking Merida when she’s full bear mode almost kinda makes me jump.

(GIF originally posted by @musicalhog)

27) I wish we got a bit more of the evil bear Mor’du. He shows up in the beginning, he shows up briefly in the middle so Merida and her mom can understand how the spell works, and then he shows up at the end. He’s actually very frightening to look at but not in the film much which is a shame.

28) Merida’s whole speech before the clans about her final decision is a really great moment, I think. It shows how Merida and her mother have grown as they’re finally able to communicate (ironically/poetically when Elinor can’t speak), it shows Merida’s skills as a leader, and it is nice that all three sons agree with Merida about choosing their own destiny. Also Merida is just so happy afterwards!

29) Merida thinking her mom is gone breaks my heart.

Yeah, I’m tearing up now as I watch it. It’s been a rough month for me.

30) The ending of the film is nice. Filled with optimism and energy, in no small part because of the Birdy and Mumford & Sons song “Learn Me Right”. It’s a nice note to finish the film on.

31) Always. Stay. After. The credits.

Look I don’t get why Brave gets a bad wrap. Sure it’s not as brilliant as Up or Toy Story 3 but so what? It is a fun, entertaining, well made film with some wildly powerful moments and great characters. Merida is incredible, the relationship between her mom is fleshed out very well, and it’s just...I love it. It’s one of my favorite Pixar films, so I definitely recommend it.

[a-timeless-love]

Next on Teen Wolf

*Disclaimer: This is all speculative. I know nothing about anything.*  

The season six mid-season finale could have seriously, honestly, straight up, so easily been the series finale.

But as final as it felt, there is still more to come. Which raises the question: What happens next? What will 6B look like? Who will be in it? When will it take place? Where will it take place?

So while we process our emotions from the mid-season finale, let’s look ahead at the final ten episodes of Teen Wolf and try to answer some of these questions.

Like Stiles said in the mid-season finale, “everything’s changed.” The high school chapter has officially closed for the main trio and they’re off to college, in different cities. Teen Wolf could so easily see this as an opportunity to write out some of the recent grads, like Stiles, played by the especially busy Dylan O’Brien (who was working on American Assassin during 6A and is working on Maze Runner: The Death Cure during 6B).

The mid-season finale was very well intended to be the end of Dylan’s character, Stiles, on Teen Wolf. In his, possibly, final episode, he gave away all his stuff.  If Stiles were to come back he would have nothing left (except for the love of Lydia Martin and his best friend, Scott McCall). But, “this can’t be it.”

This can’t be the end of Stiles and Lydia. The book can’t close on them in the same episode they get started! They can’t get together/ become canon in Stiles’ last episode ever and then never be seen as a couple on-screen.

There needs to be more of them together! They’re just getting started! There isn’t enough. There’s so much they haven’t done. Like Lydia telling Stiles “I love you” to his face!

They’re not done. Not even close. It’s too soon for them to only live on in fanfiction. Stiles and Lydia need to be a fluffy couple that goes on dates and sleeps in the same bed on the show. They need to have sex somewhere! Everywhere!

If Stiles isn’t there, hopefully Lydia references her boyfriend and how much she loves him in every episode. Hopefully the show reveals how they are as a couple, even if it’s just words out of Lydia’s mouth about date nights and her talking with him on the phone.

Will Dylan O’Brien ever be on Teen Wolf again?  Multiple sources have confirmed that Dylan O’Brien/Stiles WILL return to Teen Wolf, “in some capacity.“ The question is: What capacity? How many episodes will Stiles return for? Will he only be in one episode? Will he just come back for a moment in the series finale and that’s it? (HOPEFULLY NOT. He is needed for more episodes than that.) This is a cliffhanger.

MTV and Jeff Davis are understandably keeping this such a secret. They can’t and won’t talk about this big news because they want to hold onto it so fans create drama and drop it at a specific point so the same fans are excited.

Hopefully Dylan/Stiles can be in every single episode of 6B and just film out of order. If not, hopefully he’s in at the very least three episodes, like he was in 6A.

I think I’ll be in a "depressed” state until I know how much of 6B Dylan/Stiles is going to be in! Every other season guaranteed Stiles would be there. Now it’s uncertain and up in the air.

It’s a waiting / praying game. Consider me waiting and praying the hardest for more Stiles and Stydia on my screen!

While pondering and possibly crying over the mystery that is Stiles’ presence in 6B, let’s think about some positive headcanons we’d like to see come to life on-screen….

Think about it… The mid-season premiere opens with Stiles and Lydia having sex in one of their dorm rooms / home on the east coast and Scott calls, asking them to come back home to Beacon Hills. He needs them.

Past characters will also return, so what if… Jackson comes back to Beacon Hills and Stiles gets concerned/insecure/jealous? So he comes back home as well and realizes Lydia really loves him, when she clearly tells him, “I choose you Stiles. I love you.“ That could be the first time she tells him “I love you” to his face.

If the Teen Wolf series finale resembled The OC’s, in that Stiles and Lydia get married and Melissa is either pregnant or just had a baby, I wouldn’t be mad. Stiles and Lydia have been compared to The OC’s Seth and Summer for, possibly, as long as Teen Wolf has been on the air. Seth and Summer married in their series finale, so it would only make sense for Stiles and Lydia to get hitched in theirs. They could have a huge wedding that all of the long gone, original characters return for. Even Allison could watch from heaven. And when Lydia says her “I Dos” she can call Stiles by his real first name, “Mieczyslaw.”

Also, in The OC finale, Seth’s mom had just had a baby. What if Scott’s mom and Stiles’ dad get together and make a family, making Scott and Stiles literally brothers? (Or Scott’s mom could have a baby with his dead girlfriend, Allison’s, dad, but…)

Even better: Lydia’s pregnant and that’s why she and Stiles get married. They’re having a baby. The whole Stilinski family (Stiles, Papa Stilinski, and Lydia) can be ALL together, and growing!

The only thing known for certain right now is 6B will focus on Scott as an adult werewolf – “Man Wolf.”

The unknown of this situation is straight up causing emotional distress. Sadly, all we can do is wait til summer for any answers to too many questions. What will 6B be about? How much Stiles and Stydia will be there? What would you like to see in 6B?

[selfship-sideblog]

Self insert

So I think it's time I make a proper self insert, or at least try to. I didn't want to make a post for her from the beginning because I hadn't settled on many things and changing stuff up constantly. But now I think I'm mostly decided on everything. I'll update this post if I feel like I want to change her appearance or story more, but that's unlikely to be anytime soon.

Now let's get into it!

🦄 In general about her:

Her clothes may change depending on the show (or my mood tbh lol) but again, it's unlikely. Her personality isn't really set in stone and depending on the source it will be a little different, but this is to get a feel for it.

She also usually has a shoulder bag with her, but I kind of forgot about it.

She’s very similar to me and that’s why sometimes I use “I” for her.

(Under the cut for details for each source because this got a little long lol)

🦄 For specific sources:

💜 Ninjago

She is a college student (18yr old) in Ninjago city and is also a fanfic writer. She mainly writes for the Starfarer comic series. There’s one reader that always likes and comments on her fics and so they’ve gotten rather close over the internet. They meet at a convention irl and then she finds out he's Lloyd Garmadon, the green ninja. Later the ninja get thrown out of the monestary by Sensei Wu to "get a feel for a normal life". With nowhere to stay Lloyd asks his new friend for help. She let's them crash at her place for a while until they manage to get an apartment and jobs.

Mostly funny shenanigans from there on, nothing much happening lol.

This takes place after season two with minor adjustments like their age (although there are no official ones and I always felt like they never grew, like they stayed teenagers throughout the years lol) making them all around 17 or 18. As much as I love the canon I can't properly fit Diana in there so it will mostly go through it's own path, although I may keep some things from canon. And I may or may not make her a ninja later (a non-elemental one).

I also have an AU for this and it’s completely different from canon. It’s sort of a Youtuber AU or something like that. Like a group of young adults living in the same house and may or may not share a channel where they post all kinds of silly videos and stuff. Idk it just sounds so fun!

It's mostly slowburn and oblivious mutual pining between Diana and Lloyd. My selfship with him is pretty simple, fluffy and fun all around, just doing stuff, geeks being geeks and all. I don't want to add angst here because this is more of a comfort ship because it all started with him and it just reminds me of happy times when I first started selfshipping.

💜 Voltron:

I wanted to make two s/is for Voltron, one human and one Galra, however I couldn't design Demira (the Galra one) and so for now it's just an insight about her personality and relationship with Keith and other characters. When I do manage to properly make her I'll update this post to add the image.

Keith:

Demira is a half-Galra, a member of the Blades of Marmora. She got recruited shortly after her younger brother's death. Her missions are usually infiltration. Keith is often partnered up with her at the beginning. Their interactions start of a little awkward but they both start getting interest in the other's culture and soon start getting along. Demira with some of the other blade members are like their own small family and Keith slowly starts feeling like he belongs with them.

Their meeting is in season 3 I believe, when Keith officially joined the Blades, and their relationship develops until Keith leaves for the mission to find Krolia. It gets kind of complicated after this because he was gone for a long while and then the journey back to Earth. (I don't know how anything played out during seasons 7 & 8 so until I understand that part will be overlooked).

This pairing is more angsty since both of them are dealing with personal demons but is still wholesome.

(Also if you couldn’t tell I love the Dads of Mamora trope in voltron fics so I had to include it lol).

Lotor:

Diana is a young adult (idk how old, idc at this point lol), who has a stable job as a software developer. Life’s pretty normal. Until a space shuttle drops from the sky in the forest near her house. Obviously she goes to check it out and what does she find? A crashed space ship. What comes out of the crashed space ship? A tall, drop dead gorgeous purple alien! Unfortunately he is injured so she decides to help him. The only thing she can do tho is watch as he patches himself up because he refused to let unknown substances touch him. But he has no other choice but to trust the girl who found him. He starts learning about Earth and tries to blend in with humans.

This is set in an au without Voltron. Lotor is still the Prince of the Galra, but nothing else of canon is here. I imagine him being a curious guy and wanting to explore which brings him to Earth. I’m kind of unsure how I’d want everything to go from there, but I just wanted a normal alien/human romance if that makes sense.

💜 Death Note:

Diana is a college dropout this time, but has quite a lot of knowledge about technology and coding. She tries a lot of things and goes in different places. For some time she was very interested in true crime stories and of course found out about L. Somehow she managed to hack into his computer and decides to mess with him by suddenly closing his programs, misplacing his documents, annoying but harmless stuff. Ofc if anything L has tape on his camera, so she still doesn't know how he looks like. One time she wants to talk to him and she does through the notepad program. Most of their pre-relationship interactions are through Notepad and talking about unimportant stuff. When a difficult case comes up involving a computer virus L decides that he needs to take precautionary measures, aka secure his computer. And who better is for a job like that than the person who managed to hack into it in the first place. He only reveals himself to her really late when he decides he can trust her.

That was a little long lol.

Honestly this probably doesn't even make sense, but I don't care. I'm not much for mysteries and the stuff, I just want a nonsensical plot and a good time with L.

I just see them as really opposite but in a way that they have the thing the other lacks. Diana is more carefree and energetic, bringing L with her for different activities she is trying out, trying to make him experience life differently. L on the other hand is more serious and secretive, making Diana grounded on the matter at hand and become more cautious. I just see them developing a little while having fun. Sure, that fun is sometimes late night car rider and sometimes running for their lives from the killer.

This is obviously pre-canon and once we get into the canon timeline things will get more serious and sad but we're not talking about that.

💜 Bungou Stary Dogs:

Diana is best friends with Chuuya. They got close during their time with the Sheep and when Diana refused to betray Chuuya the way the others did they've stuck with each other ever since. Ofc that means she also got in the Port Mafia because of her ties with Chuuya and having an ability didn't hurt either (even if it was a little weak compared to the rest). She has the ability to control light, but she has to have a source from where the light is coming from. However she can use the heat from certain sources like sunlight, fire, candles, but the more damadge she wants to do the more energy she uses up. She is with the Black Lizard and is somewhat an assassin like Gin, and is friends with them. Even though she knows of Dazai and Akutagawa she isn't friends with them, but instead knows of the former from Chuuya (they are partners after all) and the latter from Gin. After Dazai left, Akutagawa starts training under Chuuya. They become friends and from that Akutagawa becomes friends with Diana. They become a somewhat weird trio but they are very tight and wouldn't trade it for a thing.

Honestly I love thinking of this ship mostly during post Dark Era but pre-canon. It just has the time to develop better. Once the canon timeline starts it kind of becomes a mess with some complications and ofc angst, but it still works out in the end.

Something like Gin, Diana has a different outfit for when she’s on the job, darker colors and all, but otherwise she has a softer style (sometimes looking like a mom lol)

The reason for her non-Japanese name is that both her parents are from Europe, but live in Japan.

(Pls help, I still don't have a tag for this ship)

💜 Harry Potter:

I’m kind of all over the place with this one tbh lol. At first I wanted a sweet Hufflepuff girl, maybe a half-blood, but then I got an idea for a squib s/i and I haven’t been able lot go of it. So for now I’m not going to give any details (because frankly there aren’t any lol), but if I ever need to answer an ask or to explain things about this ship I’m going with whatever background I feel like atm.

💜 Bakugan Battle Planet:

Also kind of unsure about this one, especially since idk if Magnus is a platonic or romantic f/o (kind of leaning towards platonic as of now tho). I haven’t caught up with the show either so when I do, I’ll probably make an insert then.