#the sooner you realize that the better
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I don't know how to explain to you chucklefucks that for the most disenfranchised among us, NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED since Trump left office. We know how bad it was, we were fucking here. And we are TELLING YOU, not speculating about the future, we are TELLING 👏YOU 👏NOW that nothing fucking got better for us and some of us ALREADY have nothing left to lose THANKS TO BIDEN AS WELL. NOT JUST TRUMP. WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT ALL ALONG. Not JUST once Trump got to office!!! And NO IT HAS NOT BEEN FUCKING EASIER. WTF. Incoming tranmission from Planet Neoliberal Voter Privilege.
You stupid pricks don't even seem to realize that Trump leaving office DIDNT MEAN HIS APPOINTEES ALL WENT WITH HIM. THEYVE STILL BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME. Alive and WELL AT WORK helping to push some of the worst antiqueer legislation we've seen in DECADES while Biden, who barely has 2 brain cells left to rub together, decomposes before our very eyes.
If you think TRUMP was the thing that brought neo-nazi fascism to the mainstream, you are so comfortably privileged to have gotten to ignore it, to have never fucking heard it until then. And you are way too out of touch to be addressing the people you think you're talking to rn!
The "sign off on your glorious revolution" bit really gets me. Lmao. What a fundamental misunderstanding of the issue. What a hilarious way to misconstrue entire swaths of political ideology. You think Policial Jesus is going to come and save your ass, so we must think that too, huh?
Shits gonna hit the fan this year regardless of who "wins" the election, and it's not merely because of The Orange Man. It's also because of everyday lay people like this OP who have merely been privileged enough to ignore the suffering of your neighbors until now. Your privilege is running out, not because the revolution is coming, but because the hegemony that affords you that privilege cannot continue indefinitely. That machine runs on a profit-growth-extraction paradigm and we are running out of resources to extract from.
I don't know how to explain to these fucking people that you are the tone deaf motherfuckers we're talking to when we say you need to stop talking and learn. You have reblogged support of BLM and UBI and Palestine but at the end of the day you *don't fucking listen* to what we're saying in those posts. At the end of the day you are not hearing our cries of pain. And its pretty fucking ridiculous to turn around and point at people EVEN LESS PRIVILEGED THAN YOU and say "don't you realize that YOU'RE going to threaten MY safety and stability with your uncouth actions?" Well, bully for fucking you, because we already lost that! It's been gone! It never came back for some of us after Trump left!!!! You got to plug your ears and pretend the pandemic was over while millions of us became disabled and homeless for the first time as a result!!! While BIDEN admitted HE DOESNT THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!!!!! You got to go back to your life while protestors railing against our tax dollars being used for GENOCIDE are being injected with KETAMINE by the COPS!!!! If you thought TRUMP was that fucking scary! At least he outright said what he was doing!! Biden is continuing his work with ICE, continuing to increase surveillance and crack down on any kind of protestor, cop cities are expanding UNDER BIDEN, DEMOCRATS ARE ALSO VOTING FOR MASK BANS!!!!!!!
It is SOOOOO BLATSNTLY SELF CENTERED to think that you losing the privilege of a comfy life is the biggest threat to ""our democracy"" rn. YOU got to ignore how bad shit was until now. Some of us NEVER HAD THAT LUXURY. Our democracy fucking died decades ago and YOU got to keep playing Weekend at Bernies with it's corpse while the rest of us dug our own graves. And now you're scared because you stand to end up like us.
Lol. Lmao. Get fucked. This type of attitude is only furthering the class/social divides that already exist between voters and WILL. NOT. get anyone to vote harder for Biden. In fact, it just makes me wanna fist fight a Democrat even more than I already did.
First they came for the indigenous, and you didn't say anything bc you got yours. They came for the immigrants, and you didn't say anything bc you've always been a citizen. They came for the prisoners and their voting rights and you said if they didn't want to lose their rights they should follow the law, even while they made it illegal to mask, to protest, to be gay and trans in public- its so easy to just follow the rules! They came for the trans kids and you said, but we already have gay marriage, I thought it was safe to be queer now, and I dont have trans kids so I don't see how this affects me... they came for palestine and you said Oof. Well. That's the price of freedom for me, I guess!
And now they're coming for you and none of the other targets are left to feel worried for you, because we have already been living through your worst nightmare, UNDER BIDEN.
You look fucking stupid.
if you could EVER find a dem as outspoken and angry for the people as trump is for the white 1% then maybe we wouldnt be having this discussion.
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#me#happy out of touch thursday every fucking day#to a homeless queer ass disabled ass mfer like me?#the Horror of Fascist America that you FINALLY woke up to for 5 mins when trump was in officr#thats just how America has always looked to me.#always.#you sound like MAGATS. vote for a dem and make america great again. just like how it was before trump. yk. perfect#literally all that changed w trump in office was that the gov was being honest for once#hell yea we're gonna build a wall. fuck them kids.#dems lie and waffle and pussyfoot and they go ooohhhhhh we wanna help :((( we want to sooo bad its just :(( ugh its so hard :(((#im tired of propriety#if dems gave a fuck they would also be angry#but theyre not! bc they are neoliberal shills who DONT FUCKING WORK FOR YOU!!!!!#america is NOT a functioning democracy and it hasnt been for a WHILE#privilege is the carrot that allows some of you to believe theres no stick.#the fact that youre losing it for the first time sucks#but id be a LOT more sympathetic to you rn if youd been to me all along#esp wrt 'the government hurting me' lmfao#biden has also done his damndest to KILL ME.#neoliberals will continue to also create a means testing resource hoarding wildly unequal society bc they *HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS*#ie CORPORATE AND FINANCIAL INTERESTS#not real people. we are not of interest#the sooner you realize that the better#the new panthers would never eat my face party realizing ur face is about to get eaten#preaching to a choir of people whose faces have long since been digested
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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yeah, that's the thing for me, as a woc. we see the way some white fans are acting about this, their dismissal, their rudeness, the way they make us feel dramatic and stupid for talking about it, and that's honestly just as big if not a bigger loss than taylor being with him. people love to talk about how fandom spaces are safe spaces and places of comfort but it constantly keeps being reinforced that that does not apply for us. we don't get to turn this off or pretend it doesn't affect our lives. we have to keep talking about it because it is that deep for us. and it gets incredibly frustrating and hard not to feel resentful of the people who can just move on because this is just internet bullshit to them. like i'm not saying talking about it will solve racism and islamophobia and antisemitism, but it will make people from those communities feel heard and supported and validated, which is a thing that is sorely lacking as a whole. that can't be a bad thing, in my book.
^^^^^^^^^^^ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#thank you thank you thank you for sharing this anon#im sorry this happened/is happening/will continue to happen until people realize we live in a society#we live in a society! the sooner we learn this the better off we will be!
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I am about to start a neji route (because I feel that I need at least three playthroughs to fully understand neji and his plays, so I can't leave him for last). so my thoughts on this may change, but for the moment, my thesis is that neji and kisa are the same kind of thespian, just in different fonts.
(I am slightly exaggerating kisa'a character here. there are hints and I do think pushing the envelope of what her character could be is part of what makes kisa... kisa. as I'll explain later, for better and worse, kisa is constrained by the conventions of being an otome heroine.)
anyway. in essence. neji turns Other Persons into stories,
and kisa turns Other Persons into performances,
while they both simultaneously run away from, avoid, or sacrifice Becoming Persons themselves, for the sake of theater
or maybe it's the other way around. something something discovery if not recognition of the self through the other... except they're both unreliable narrators so who's to say if the recognition actually takes hold, really. kisa at least is a little bit self aware. neji, on the other hand, deals with realizations of the self through writing, without actually processing them (e.g. ms robin, domina, etc).
I keep thinking about (novel) kisa closing her eyes and feeling like her sense of self would melt away until tsuki centers her and gives her theater as a way to heal from the grief of losing her mother. it happens again during tsuki's univeil performance: kisa curling in on herself and tsuki pulling her back to theater as way to help kisa move forward with her dreams. pretending to be others is more fun than being herself.
and then there is neji (insert spiderman pointing at spiderman meme). but in his case, he would rather play eccentric roles, caricatures, comic relief, than be a Person With Depth on stage. neji is always either a seer of some kind (a fortune teller, a ghost who sees 10 seconds into the future) or a bit character (employee A), or... whatever he initially planned for domina. he is the mechanic behind the stage, but never the lead actor. his vulnerabilities do not need to "stolen" for the story, though others' are fair game.
kisa does not think about gender as it applies to herself in her daily life (mostly) and only sees it through the lens of acting and theater. how does she act mukai vs maiden, charles vs chicchi? the same way that neji does not think about the motifs and characters he writes as a window to himself, but rather as objects to be put on stage. rukiora is based on a younger neji, mary jane is I Am Death: Revisited (mary jane is to takihime as gashadokuro is to jacob), sissia is always meant to be the foil to I Am Death. but neji doeen't really understand that just like how he didn't understand oh rama havenna. sissia (kisa route, jack jeanne ver) is to kisa as domina is to neji.
literally kisa at her most extreme is just theater thoughts 24/7
kisa "I don't like being me; I'd rather be other people" tachibana 🤝 kokuto "I need to experiment and witness visions I can't create or I'll die" neji: this is a totally sane and Normal way to cope with abandonment and grief 👍
(it is not implied in the game, but since kisa turned to theater to cope with grief as a child, I wonder if the reason she never looks too deeply into tsuki's disappearance is because she's once again using theater as an excuse to conveniently Not Think About It. out of sight, out of mind. tsuki must be doing well, wherever he is, whatever it is he's doing.)
there is also the meta perspective of how kisa in-game inhabits a role where the player can (and is expected to) self-insert. otome dictates that protagonist kisa must be malleable to the player (who can choose to focus on a variety of relationships in her stead), and the plot dictates that actor kisa must be malleable to her stage roles (jack or jeanne, maiden or hero, flower or vessel), and novel kisa dictates that kisa must malleable to pretending to be other people because it's more preferable to being herself.
every thought she has about herself must be tied to acting, somehow. kisa's personhood is defined through stagecraft. she is the maiden, and mukai, and charles, and chicchi, and sissia. she can romance anyone in the school, of the player's choosing. she can be jack, and jeanne, and jack jeanne. don't get me wrong; kisa is her own character and has a strongly defined personality, but the story also demands for her to be malleable. a painting and a blank canvass at the same time.
neji externalizes where kisa internalizes. where kisa Must Perform™ to function and to avoid herself, neji Must Create™ to function and to avoid himself. scriptwriter neji dictates that neji must use everything at his disposal — his memories, his classmates, his obscure knowledge — as inspiration for stories. director neji dictates that he must use everything he knows about his actors — their complexes, their relationships, their weaknesses and strengths — as inspiration for stories. from the cook (mitsuki) needing apricots for a recipe and wanting to harvest honey from a beehive, to mary jane (fumi) being good at sewing and wanting an equal in jacob. suzu and sou fighting and developing a rivalry leads to jire and fugio fighting over chicchi. kai limits himself as a vessel in hasekura, and kai learns to embrace his desires as the priest. from the water/ocean/drowning themes, to rukiora being based on neji's younger self, and her family life and relationship with domina.
every thought neji has must be tied to stories, somehow. neji's personhood is scattered through stagecraft. the more you read his plays and lyrics, the more you get a glimpse of who he is. it is to the point that neji himself doesn't... really see how his stories reflect himself. ms robin being a "random" song the jazz lounge singer sings thay hasekura and ando can dance to, oh rama havenna being a so-so throwaway play that neji doesn't understand why it's entertaining. lmao. neji, please.
and this is why when problems arise, neji becomes a demanding director and kisa becomes a chameleon actor with a shaky sense of self (we don't really see this a lot because jack jeanne is not that dark of a story and kisa is still an otome heroine of an uplifting game, but it's a reasonable conclusion if you push hard on the kisa from neji's "good morning" exercise, or kisa going ham on method acting as charles. kinda wish the game explored more of that. I think a very stressed kisa can get lost in method acting, just as a very stressed neji is almost paralyzed by the fear of the death of talent).
idk where I was going with this. just. them. they have the same issues, just in different fonts. and I think that's actually what first attracts neji to kisa. kisa "steals" (to borrow neji's own words) just like him. kisa is a fountain of inspiration, an ever changing muse. and neji provides kisa with an endless amount of prompts and characters for her to inhabit. kisa does like to play pretend a lot. that's why she's in theater!
kisa and neji: Art Imitates Life people stuck in a Life Imitates Art video game
ANYWAY usual disclaimer that I'm jotting down livebloghing thoughts and I know some spoilers to neji's route but I'm only just about to actualy start his playthrough so. yeah. this was drafted all the way back in may lol, opinions may change and all that
#mine musings#liveblogging jj#jack jeanne#bringing this back to mitsuki bc i can never NOT talk about him lmao#see this is why i find mitsuki's relationship with them both very interesting#mitsuki is a person who demands (or i guess... yearns) honesty from those dear to him#but kisa and neji have their guards up mask up they are always doing some kind of Performance™ even if they don't realize it#and i think mitsuki sees that?#i think it's interesting that mitsuki gives us the outside perspective of neji and that neji also uses mitsuki as#a measuring stick to evaluate other people (in his character short story)#and it's mitsuki who makes neji confront what domina means to him. mitsu asks neji to humanize the person he is embodying on the stage#and it's mitsuki who in every route will always comfort kisa about her secret and accept kisa for who she is#neji and kisa will not introspect too deeply unless confronted bc they think in theater 24/7#mitsuki has the kind of personality that will make such people face that confrontation sooner or later lol#he's a very grounding character to everyone precisely bc he is very sharp and perceptive about everyone#in return both kisa and neji make mitsuki (for better or worse) want to close the distance he puts between himself and other people#as an actor. a classmate. a friend. a future leader#anyway if you made it this far. hi. this is my pitch for njmtsks lmao
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I think the thing that's really bothered me and made me drift from CR in the past few months is just how rushed it's felt. I truly don't know if it's because the cast are tired of doing this after years, if Matt's tired of DMing after years, or if they thought a faster paced campaign would be better but personally I have not been fully vibing with it since the start.
The fact that a character tied to VM was introduced as their guide in the first episode, already distracting from the story because everyone was going crazy for more VM cameos. That he died in episode 3 and they named their group after this stranger who knew them for 72 hours. This felt like Matt trying to recreate the heartbreak of losing a party member in C2, but because it was a scripted death from a character that was only around for 3 episodes and had made almost no meaningful connections to others in the group, it didn't feel that impactful.
The What The Fuck Is Up With That game took away so much from finding out the characters backstory slowly. C2 characters were so cagey about their backstories, it was a treat to find out more things. I don't think we even found out about Caleb's real training until episode 60? But with C3, suddenly we have most of the characters revealing their backstory or at least big chunks of their backstory by episode 6.
That they were pushed into finally choosing a group name when, at least for M9, the name came more naturally.
The fact that it seems like the big bad has already been revealed and they've been working on taking them down for over 40 episodes now. C2 Big Bad was revealed after episode 100. (I'm hoping this is all a red herring and the real big bad will come later but it's hard to top Evil Moon as the big bad)
I haven't watched C3 since episode 76 but downtime was so little last I watched, it felt like M9 got a lot more downtime to fuck around and have these deep and funny moments. Idk it all feels rushed to me and it's been hard trying to stick with it.
I really hope that if we get Campaign 4, we have a similar structure to C2. More downtime, less immediate backstory reveals, AND especially not doing constant callbacks to C1. Having VM get involved is cool for fans of C1, but even with how little Matt has them do, it still feels like they're supervising BH. BH are supposed to come into being heroes in their own right but it feels like so much of C3 since VM was introduced has been BH looking up at VM like "is this okay? Should we do this? How can we save the world like you guys did?"
#i honestly would've stopped watching sooner but i was hoping it would get better#it's not a bad campaign its just.#like. you know how shows now have 10 episodes per season now#so its all rushed and not as much time is given for other stuff#this is what c3 feels like to me#i feel bad bc i keep seeing people saying the misogynists from c1 are back#and i want to support the girls but at the same time c3 has been meh for me#i think i will have to rewatch c2 maybe its not as great as I remember (it was)#by the way i realize how INSANE it is to say a campaign with 80 episodes all over 3 hours long has been rushed and yet#critical role
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Last Line Tag
Thank you for the tag @ahordeofwasps.
Passing the (optional) tag to @ceph-the-ghost-writer, @winterandwords, @oh-no-another-idea, @sarahlizziewrites, @sleepyowlwrites, and the usual open tag for anyone else who wants to join in the game.
In which Lacuna is experiencing the wonder of a new body that doesn't feel like it's dying after five minutes of light exercise but is still easily distracted by her own wandering train of thought:
Lacuna’s run comes to a sudden stop as the realization hits her that she could have been getting the various outfits she’d wished she could wear over the past few years enchanted to fit, and probably even fit flatteringly. Or even mundanely tailored. It’s not like she didn’t have the money.
She has just enough time to mutter “Wow, I’m dumb,” to herself before the treadmill running at max speed flings her off and sends her tumbling across the floor of the gym.
#writeblr#writers on tumblr#my writing#tag game#writing tag games#find the word tag#last line tag#empty names#It's both amazing and frustrating how you start seeing solutions to chronic problems once you get yourself into a better mental health stat#Lacuna you weren’t dumb for not realizing that sooner; you were depressed.#Stopping running while on an active treadmill is a bit more questionable.
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as someone who has spent my entire life taking everything personally. you guys have gotta stop taking everything personally
#spitblaze says things#genuinely realizing that people are talking in broad strokes and not every non-positive statement made in the general sense is an insult#makes your life a lot better lol#not everything is about you and the sooner you realize that the easier your life will be!!#i still have issues with taking shit personally and it has directly harmed relationships!#you know what they say about assuming. dont assume. use some reading comprehension and assume good intentions. give the benefit of the doub#someone offering advice is not trying to hurt or insult you
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Does anyone else get the feeling that at their core, all of mxtx's works are about cycles of abuses.
#idea dump#ramblings of a sleep deprived girl#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#scum villian self saving system#mao dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mxtx#mo xiang tong xiu#cycle of abuse#I don't only mean the passing down of trauma#I also mean the abuses of an established corrupt system#that systematically hurts people that are less fortunate than those who actively benefit from it#to me this one is more prevalent in mdzs and why jin guangyao downfall is so upsetting to me#because he was coming close to breaking the cycle of abuse of both the system and of his family#but unfortunately it was his past actions in service of perpetuating it that doomed him#if he had realized a lot sooner that his father was not worth it#and started pursuing his own interests from the beginning instead of his father's approval he could have changed everything for the better#not to mention that unlike his father he actually treats his spouse with respect and doesn't intentionally hurt her#emphasis on the 'intentional' part (if you know you know)#just like Jin Guangyao became the new wei wuxian Nie Huaisang became the new Jin Guangyao#so i'm of the firm belief that since the system is still in place the cycle will repeat again#and Nie Huaisang will replace Wei Wuxian as someone else becomes his Jin Guangyao#sorry for this long ass essay in the tags lol#it's 3am so I'll probably do the other two another time#also let it be known that I'm only running on spoilers/fanfictions/wiki when it comes to svsss and mdzs#so if anyone bothers to read my essay tags be free to correct anything if I get something wrong#side note why wasn't mdzs about breaking cycles???#why didn't yanli become sect leader. Jiang cheng remain coreless. or Jin Zixuan marry into the Jiangs to show worth outside the norms#you can be a strong woman without being cruel. cultivation doesn't equal worth. and powerful women are beautiful and should be respected
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i was up way too late last night and also have maybe been having one of those days-long low-level anxiety attacks and i started getting paranoid abt like. breaking out in horrible pustules/rashes. so i put on an asmr video to calm myself down/provide a distraction and it was like a “you had a bad day” personal attention video and the asmrtist was just very comforting and reassuring to the point where i had started crying. which. didn’t mean to do that but guess we crying now. and once i finished crying i immediately went to google to look up “do i have pmdd” followed by “therapists in [town name]” before i went to bed and i still think that’s. kinda funny
#marzi speaks#(dw folks i’m ok now. might be mildly depressed or smth? but it’ll get better i have coping strats and a support system)#do u ever have a cry session happen so spontaneously that you realize hey maybe i do need to go to therapy sooner than i thought#this chronic illness shit is hard. which i knew it would be. but DAMN i got all this shit to learn#i’m tired !!! waugh !!!
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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does anyone know how to do this. does anyone know how to do anything?
#bluebird.txt#life is life no matter what huh#do you get better at Life with time? does anyone ever know what they're doing? ever?#does anyone ever figure it all out#is there only One Thing TO figure out?#at least i've gotten better at realizing sooner that no one's actually gonna kill me if i fuck up but#man not by much soemtimes i feel like my whole life will crumble if i make one misstep in the wrong thing#i will be fine though#even if no one knows what the fuck they're doing#millions and billions of people before me have not known what they were doing and lived#i'm not dead yet so i guess i'll be alright#at this point i should get that tattooed on my body somewhere#might delete this#ignore it
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#if i told you i could not fall asleep on your birthday could you believe me?#that i slept in the jamaica shirt?#i have no idea if that was your gift to me or if it was for my uncle or someone else#i have your shot glass that you so haphazardly gave to me#but tbh i was such a coward i couldnt bear to touch and give out all of your gifts#it feels wrong. a reminder that I fucked things up with us#i dont even know what i want anymore or if i can get through this#i feel so alone wallowing at the current state of things#im constantly short of money and overspending like crazy#i keep thinking about the guilt of it all and the knowledge that you wouldn't be so happy hearing from me if you knew what happened#and what i continue to do#i just feel so lost after realizing i ripped apart of my soul out by leaving you#and knowing that i did something that had broken it beyond repair if i didnt go#just. hoping your year is better#and now i cant stop thinking of the ways i freely gave my love to you without thinking#how we shouldve been serious sooner and that i couldve been with you if i was better#better at controlling myself or better at admitting that i was struggling#oh my sweet...it doesnt even matter the little things like my sex drive being higher than yours#or the fomo id have about not doing things when you let me socialize and would join/invite me to things#its hard to confront giving my niece a gift from you and face the fact that the trip wouldve made me open up#i was just. too cowardly to let go of my ex.
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alright, gonna get something off my chest. Then i'll watch Youre Getting Burgers
#You know those trailers that played right before the movie?#I remember seeing those in the theater IRL.The first film was Jack And Jill and the second was Alvin And The Chipmunks#(I could be wrong; but i am ALMOST CERTAIN that's which movies they are)#When i saw those in the theater i was just a few years younger than stan is#And i was about stan's age when i started to become just like him#Like him i started to dislike stuff fir people my age. Then i suspected i was 'mature'. But turns out i wasnt that either#There was no apparent cause. I just didnt get joy out of anything anymore#And it ruined my ability to have friends. But i could stil get out of bed and go to school so it took me longer to realize things werent ok#And when i finally had friends again i spent a while struggling with addiction and needed it in order to be social#I wish i had seen YGO+AB much sooner. But knowing me; i still wouldnt have figured out i had a problem#I hate that i'll never get this part of my life back. I missed out on so much when i was young#Just because i was too depressed and cynical to do anything but go to school then go to my room and not talk to anyone#Well. Im doing better now than i was before. And thats what matters#Now lets watch stan go through the same thing
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I am so tired of bad faith people in fandom spaces. If you don't like someone's takes, guess what? Unfollow them! Block them even! You are not legally required to engage with them, and you're the shitty looking person if you keep replying on their posts trying to get them to feel bad!
Just... yikes on trikes and motorbikes, my friend. Log off for a few.
#not everyone's fandom experience will be a carbon copy and that is so fucking magical#and the sooner you realize that the better we'll all be#the proofreader rants
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Honestly Dialga from pmd2 saying "It's not a miracle" did more for me mentally than therapy could
#/silly#but listen-#listen carefully#hearing that made me so so happy.#because I know in the context it meant something completely different#but for me it felt like#it's not a miracle that you're still alive#it's not a miracle that your friend love you#it's not a miracle that the good things in your life are good#the sooner I started realizing that many of the good things in my life I created for myself the better life became#I have to remember that life isn't just luck#i put a lot of time and effort into the good stuff in my life#I deserve it because I worked to get it#it wasn't a miracle. it wasn't luck. it wasn't chance.#it was me.
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Same same same I was literally thinking of what RGG characters' zOMG! loadouts might look like earlier today help😭But I too was playing zOMG! on a horrid PC with a horrid connection... had to zoom out so far to get some slightly better performance from Flash that chat was nearly unusable...
I'm not totally sure I ever got to play the endgame areas like SS and DMS (definitely didn't get to finish DMS, it was just me and the besties + it's a reeeally long run), but those were some wonderful memories! My blorbo apparently lives in Deadman's Pass and it was a lot of fun crawling every inch of the map and coming up with headcanons and stuff. Sawmill was unusually un-performant though for sure, for how small the area is.
My friend group and I dropped it on account of the NFT investments and general downward trend, but sometimes... sometimes it calls to me...
my whole in-and-out bit with gaia is that sometimes i'd just feel too awkward to try and actually talk to anyone in the towns, so i'd just leave the site alone for a while until i felt brave enough to open it back up or i just really wanted to play zOMG (legit it had no business being as fun as it was)
i checked the creation date of my account and my sis actually made it when i was 8 ☠️☠️ but on that note i remember she wanted me to make an account so we could play zOMG together specifically but honestly i can only remember us playing a handful of times before we just played on our own
#snap chats#MEANT TO REPLY SOONER BUT I WAS FUCKIN AROUND WITH MY AVI LMAO#i had so much stuff i didnt even realize i had... also the capsule rewards are a lot Better ???#i remember you used to get like. bland clothes or like a spool of thread but now you get actual neat shit#but oh my god no i remember in deadmans pass (the base game was DMP the new one was DMS OOPSIE)#i would just hang out in that little cemetary bit and be emo as shit 😭😭☠️☠️#AND I REMEMBER I WAS SUPER OBSESSED WITH THE 'I Am' ITEMS#SO I WAS JUST SITTING THERE AS THIS LITTLE CAT WITH THE SCARF LIKE BRO WHY WERE YOU SO MOODY YOU WERE 8#god bring zOMG back let me be moody there now that i have actual things to be moody about#the shallow sea was such a good map but it was also long as fuck- it was undoubtedly the longest one#i dont think i ever even actually beat it ? like THATS how long and hard it was#i mightve come close with a group once but man that was so long ago idk#ok but help rgg charas + gaia like#like PLEASE i joke bout daigo making haruka a gaia account solely because of MY childhood 😭😭☠️☠️☠️#UGH...nostalgia you asshole... im lying gaia was fun back then and if flash was still around it'd still be fun to me now#like thats the real kick in the dick if 90% of the playerbase was gone but the worlds were still there#then i could at least hit up friends and we could just muck about there but naw... its ALL gone.....#i remember walking around the towns at least one more time back innnn 2020?? right before flash shut down??#it was all barren as hell but it was a fun lil trip while it lasted#GOD. yeah i love gaia... biggest surprise to find you also played it but i wont complain ty for chattin bout it with me..#i always feel insane when i remember gaia cause it feels like no one ever knows what im talking about LMAO
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