#it feels wrong. a reminder that I fucked things up with us

[jiinxswife]

Choosing you Jinx x Fem!reader

warnings: season 2 spoilhers, jinx choosing reader over ekko, reader being insecure and jealous of ekko, crying autor note: this is pretty much some short of part two of how would they meet, but you can read this post without having to read the first one, just another silly drabble of mine

autor note: this is for us, weird girlies who feel jealous of ekko and want jinx for oursevles. lets have a treat

jinx will be written on blue, reader on pink

Hallucinations will be written on red

you dont quite to know when or how you found out about him, probably it was due to Jinx's mentdown rambles, how she said his name, how it was "always a dance with her", before her breakdown was again, over her death family. you tried not to think about it, after all, he was probably just her childhood boyfriend or something, who would be jealous of that? you've had childhood boyfriends yourself, and you definitely woulnd't leave jinx for them, so why are you so scared of him coming back to her life?

you try not to fuzz or think much about it over the next weeks, the last thing you need is your girlfriend to think that now she can't vent or express her feelings to you because you can get sad\hurt over things she says or feels, it was hard enough to get her to emotionally trust you, you don't want to fuck things up

You hide your feelings well, even from you, until one day, you caught yourself biting your just-made nails, taking off parts of the nail polish, that matches jinx’s and tearing up while jinx was showering, allowing, even if only for some minutes, anxiety and fear to consume you. When you hear the water noise ceasing, you quickly wipes your tears and takes some deep breaths, calming down before jinx entered in the room, clean and fresh

“ugh , toots, I think you should wash my hair tomorrow, I don’t wash it was well as you do” she says, but her untouched, dry braids show that she didn’t even try to and just wanted you to spoil her

“Sure thing, love” you answer, earning an eyebrow raise from her, probably surprised at your lack of teasing and snark answers. Her eyes go all over you, searching for any sign of injury or sickness before she stares at your hands, noticing the state of your nails, and, knowing that they were made not so long ago, she was able to deduce that you are worried about something since whenever you were, you would pick on them. She walks to you and sits down on the bed, by your side, wrapping an arm around you, hand softly squeezing your shoulder, in an act to remind herself that you’re real, not an hallucination

“Toots? What’s wrong? You seem off” she questions, before you wave her off with a smile ���I’m fine, just extra tired today” you say, ignoring how dry your throat is starting to feel just for being asked if something is wrong

“Yeah, fine my ass” jinx says, rolling her eyes and bitting her lower lip in an attempt to decide what to do “don’t lie to me, what’s wrong?”

You close your hands into fists; bitting your lower lip, habit you got from the girl sat by your side. You look away, in an attempt to not cry “it’s stupid and“ before you could finish, jinx softly hits you on the head with the arm that was previously wrapped around you “if you’re crying, it’s not stupid” she tries to add a playful smile “and I think my girlfriend is smarter then to cry over stupid things” jinx sighs when she doesn’t have a positive answer from you, her smile fades and she opens her mouth to speak before you cut her off “you wouldn’t leave me, would you?”

“You’re not giving her enough” “you are not good enough” “you’re not worth of her love”

Milo’s, Claggor’s and Silco’s voice echoes through Jinx’s head, making her mind fuzzy and unable to think of an answer “I- you- fuck” you feel tears starting to form on your face “I heard you speaking sometimes about a guy named Ekko” you look down, tears falling down on your lap “how it’s ‘always a face with him’” you face your girlfriend for the first time since you started talking, your eyes filled with tears, showing insecurity and vulnerability “if he came back to your life, you wouldn’t leave me for him; would you?”

Your words take Jinx out of guard, she tries to answer, but once more you cut her off “I know how you didn’t quite want me in your life, I remember how you tried to get rid of me and how hard it was- you stop yourself, looking away and you tearing up even more, your overthinking becoming a mess of feelings and words inbuilt head- hard for you to fall for me, and hearing about that Ekko guy started to make me think that maybe all of that was because you were waiting for him to come back, and you’re just with me because you lost hope but can still leave me if he comes back” you rub your templates as you cry, moving to wipe your tears, refusing to look at Jinx “and I know it’s stupid to be jealous over someone you mentioned on a mental breakdown, and I didn’t want to tell you because i didn’t want you to worry that when showing me your feelings you might hurt me” you’re embarrassed of yourself and at lost of words, wiping pathetically your own tears as jinx moves to hug you, embracing you completely “I’m so sorry”

“Fuck.. toots, look” she mumbles her voice a bit hoarse from the tension and meaning of the moment, she was never able to express herself well with words “yeah, I guess I did short of like Ekko once,” she sighs, thinking of a manner to decode her feelings into words “but not like how i like you. I had a crush on him when we were kids, but then we stayed without talking for seven years” she says as she manages to hug you even more “and once we reunited” she chuckles, a mix of a bitter chuckle and a lighthearted one “well, it was to try to kill each other, and then to … stop me from doing a big shit” you look at her, trembling, hurt, vulnerable, but obviously wanting, no, needing to believe jinx “I’m not in love with him, toots. I’m..” she sighs, saying that was never easy for her “I’m in love with you, okay? I wouldn’t be dating you otherwise. It took me long to fall for you” she softly kiss the top of your head “longer then it should, but I’m smitten. I won’t leave you for anyone, much less for Ekko”

she grabs one of your hands and softly squeeze it while still hugging you “and that thing about worrying that I might worry about hurting when I vent to you, it’s okay, I won’t worry. You are allowed to feel hurt to.” She chuckles and smiles at you “heh! That was a lot of “worry” for just a phrase, right, hun?” She jokes, getting a soft chuckle from you

“I- thank you. I love you” you say to your girlfriend, hugging her tightly as you close your eyes, letting your last tears fall before being consumed by a feeling of love and comfort “same for you; toots; same for ya”

[localplaguenurse]

I am so in fucking love with the stairway to heaven animation and the only ways I can express that is to either say I am bricked the FUCK up, or I give in to the uber instincts of my uber autism and write an essay on what I THINK are some of the references/inspirations used in the animation. I chose the essay because I need people to know why I am "bricked up."

I am fully willing to accept if I am wrong/reaching for some of these but even then, I think it's cool that I can still connect certain moments with things I enjoy. With that out of the way, behold my analysis/breakdown of Stairway to Heaven!

Spoilers below the cut not just for the animation, but also minor spoilers for Kane Pixel's backrooms series, Liminal Land, Skinamarink, and Mandela Catalogue. Also just a warning for the incoherent ramblings of a guy who's abnormal about analog/indie horror. Please please please please PLEASE go watch the animation if you haven't.

First, "subject 087" is in reference to SCP-087, the never ending staircase SCP. I actually didn't even catch that the first time until I scrolled down to the comments lmao. In my defense, when SCP was blowing up in the mid 2010s I wasn't really old enough to appreciate it or find the format interesting (and honestly it is still hard for me to really get into it, but that's more of a me thing. Conceptually a clinical approach to horror like with SCPs or in All Tomorrows is fascinating, but it can be a bit of a slog for me), so I only knew the main three's numbers. (173, 096, and 682).

"Motion detected" has been used in just about every analog horror series now, but Mandela Catalogue is probably the main series that popularized the trope when analog horror first started getting popular.

The backrooms is, obviously, the backrooms. You can probably assume it's Kane Pixels' backrooms because his version really blew up but it feels more like early days backrooms before we got all those monsters and almond water stuff. (Which btw it's so funny we got "almond water" from whoever the first person to say the air smells like almonds was. For reference, almonds smell like cyanide. OP was trying to say the air smells toxic, not that almonds are the safest thing to consume in the backrooms.)

This shot just reminded me of The Oldest View, ALSO from Kane Pixels. Tbh that's probably just me but I thought it was neat.

Next up, the door. Aside from the obvious 333 angel numbers which also appear very prominently in Mandela Catalogue (this series is going to pop up a lot, I'm sorry), but for some reason it reminded me of the Silent Hill 4 door. Again, that's just the tism probably.

Skinamarink ahh shot, was honestly expecting the door to just poof, disappear.

Next, the shot with all the houses. While KP's Backrooms do have that creepy neighbourhood, this exact shot and set up feels closer to H.O.M.E. from Liminal Land.

And then our most darling biblically accurate horror icon Columbina would make False Gabriel proud, and just... she is so fucking cool and creepy in this and I love her so much.

This whole sequence was for one absolutely horrifying and beautiful, but what caught MY attention were the settings and locations shown. These are standard creepy liminal spaces and analog horror gore censorship, yes, but they also reminded me of the locations Trevor Henderson uses in his art pieces, so suffice to say I think Columbina looks RIGHT AT HOME regardless of how you wanna look at these shots. And the animation on her face opening up into wings and eyes is just an absolute chef's kiss moment. Props to the animators, man.

This trope, the whole main character monologue overlaying the screen moment, very common in analog horror but for me, again popularized by its use in the Mandela Catalogue.

The smudged picture is a reference to one of the ending shots in Skinamarink, where it pans over the childhood photos only for their heads and faces to now be missing, which most agree is the movie's way of saying these kids were trapped her for so long they eventually just stopped existing/faded into nothingness.

And finally, the classic ending scene of KP's first Backrooms video.

I know for a fact there are probably other references to liminal spaces/analog horror that I either missed or they're like general concepts/tropes used in analog horror. I did almost mention the mill in petscop because of Columbina's "two in the mill, one taken, one left" because that phrasing felt really specific, but it doesn't quite fit the vibes of all the other references. Also her only being seen in the camera is a trope used in all manner of horror media. My first thought was the forest scene in VHS (2012) where the murderer could only be seen in the film static.

I just wanted to get the especially cool/unique moments out there. I didn't even touch on the storyline but that's because it seems pretty straightforward. I'm also aware not many people are gonna read my red string corkboard ramblings, which I'm fine with. I just needed to get this out of my system, but I do appreciate those who did take the time to indulge my ramblings!

That's all for now, back to whatever the hell I had planned for today.

[fleastinger]

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

[loverboybrightsideghost]

sort of re my last rb i have done a LOT this year but genuinely the most unexpected and potentially ballsy almost but not quite out of character thing i did was straight up ask a girl in a date. i got ghosted but also immediately after i asked her out i stopped feeling absolutely anything at all but impatience and vague almost stereotypical-scientist-detached curiosity. so. i feel like as far as the to be aro or not to be aro tally in my head is still tied

[szaryherbatnik]

Tough day rambles

In a world with a different setting id be a prophet or a person with cool visions, id be a person worthy of protection and trust and friendship. Here im just paranoid and i worry about the wrong things. Somewhere else when i dance on my way to a shop everyone thinks im full of joy and whimsy and they dont think im drunk or childish. Somewhere else i can be around people for more than 5 hours before i shut down for the rest of the day. Somewhere else i dont remind everyone im stupid and dumb and i dont describe everything i do and feel as "slight" and "little" and "a bit", im able to love romantically and dream of tenderness and give it and recieve it. Idk i just hate myself a lot.

[theradicalace]

i just think it's so funny that when *i* lash out and start bitching *about* management to my coworkers because of a stressful day at work, i get pulled into the office to discuss my attitude, but when a manager lashes out and bitches *at me* because of a stressful work day, i get a halfassed "oh sorry, but-" and i'm expected to roll over and take it.

[fragglerockopinions]

I'm like. spiraling.

My body hurts and it's falling apart and there's nothing wrong with it and there's no way to fix it. I'll never be able to have a normal job again. I can barely stand how am I supposed to finish college. I need help and I keep asking people to help me and that makes them uncomfortable and I'm asking too much of them. I say there is no food in my house. They say why don't you go buy food. I say I'm too disabled to drive. They say oof lol. How does oof help me. How are you not worried about me. How when I say I haven't bought food in a week or washed my clothes in a year people respond omg lol and not holy shit are you okay do you need help how are you alive. Not to be lazy or anything but I would actually literally kill for someone to hold me and say it's okay you don't have to do this alone anymore I'm going to help you. I would commit unspeakable acts of violence for someone to offer to drive me to the store. Once you're disabled you're trash you can't contribute to society just let yourself decay. I make everyone uncomfortable by just existing as myself and I ruin every event by either being visibly in pain and pulling an ugly face because my legs are about to give out or by not going because my spine is broken and I can't leave my bed. My family won't help me they don't believe me I'm not allowed to flinch or look like I'm in pain because my face is ugly when I'm in pain and I'm just faking it to get out of doing anything at all. I don't have a single support system or way to survive this shit. I'm in so much pain constantly there's not even a word for it because I can't just say it hurts nobody takes me seriously or understands just how bad it hurts. I can't say it's like a knife in my spine that sounds so fucking fake. It's like a knife in my spine and every tiny cell that moves hurts it because it's a fucking blade stuck between my bones. It's cutting and mangling my skin and muscles and everyone is like why don't you just stop having a knife in your back and the doctors say you do not have avknifevin your back and my parents say everyone has a knife in their back and you're just pretending it hurts and being lazy because you hate me. How am I still alive why am I still alive why does it just keep getting worse

[running-in-the-dark]

okay but seriously the way everyone always focuses on me finally getting a job as if that's the ultimate end goal of life and there's nothing else that matters at all is making me feel like. if I can't do that. what is left.

like it's.. not that unlikely that no matter how hard I try I'll never be able to work full time (or even part time, who knows at this point honestly), and it makes me feel like - okay so then I just need to stop existing I guess

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

[polyamoryprincess]

I truly do understand the fear people have regarding people doing “fanfiction commissions” and making money off fanfics after the Anne Rice debacle, but we don’t have to act like it’s an inherent moral failing and like you’re a Fake Fan tainting fan spaces if you want to be paid for your work the same way fan artists do.

Anne Rice is a dick head for what she did and should be treated as such, treating the fear she’s wrought as some holy thing is fucking weird.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

analyzing hermes, emet-selch, the ancients and ascians, how they're written, and the fandom's reaction to them be like hm. emet-selch's role in this fuckery is compounded by the fact that his backstory as a genocide survivor is incongruous with his ruling a huge genocidal colonialist world power in the present da [ANTISEMITISM BLAST]

[hinderr]

Friendly reminder that din's covert isnt. A cult. Like. Come on guys we've been through this before

[crimson-moonflowers]

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[http-bee]

not sure what comes next

[autism-corner]

scaredy