#I feel like I make a post like this every couple of years but I always see that shit pop up sporadically
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Yes to all of this good stuff from my medblr buddy @bluestarsandcomets !
Also contraception choices by the FSRH breaks down each method nicely, especially the pros and cons and the effectiveness.
(Tw for the infographic showing woman-in-dress stick figures that may be triggering for trans men and enbies. I do wish they'd change it but I think the site is useful despite that).
If one method doesn't work for you, another method may work well - and for some people for whom all hormonal methods are rubbish/dangerous/have too many side effects, permanent surgical options and condoms or diaphragms should be an option.
Fertility awareness is a hormone free method CAN also be effective if your periods are regular and if you learn how to do it effectively and are extremely cautious/use condoms around your fertile time. However; it's not a great choice for most people as we tend to stop thinking about risk when horny, and the tune around when we ovulate makes many of us hornier.
I track a lot for conceiving purposes and my bloody apps are always updating my fertile window based on my LH testing, CM and basal body temperature data. The same thing happens if you aren't trying to conceive, so days you thought were safe may be revealed to have been fertile days if you ovulate a bit sooner or later than expected.
Also, please note that the majority of the apps that track periods are not calibrated or trained on data to prevent pregnancy and may not be accurate. It tents to be a better method for people who won't mind if they do get pregnant- like couples who are hoping to wait for a year or wo and are re-establishing their cycle post birth control in preparation.
You can only really get pregnant in the fertile period- but it's hard to always accurately predict when that is. And every once in a while if you have a very short or long cycle it might be much earlier or later than you expect. Which is why some people incorrectly tell you that you can get pregnant outside the fertile window - they mean that you can get pregnant outside of the predicted window your app gives you. Because you may have the wrong information about when your fertile window actually is.
Diaphragms and discs with spermicide have fallen out of fashion but they go in before sex and aren't easy to feel during sex. If they fit you well they can be pretty secure. They are more reliable than condoms, with 12/100 pregnancies each tear to.condoms' 15, with typical use.
I'm saying this explicitly if you are having sex with someone with a penis who refuses to use condoms and want to avoid pregnancy but struggle with hormonal contraception. I would recommend leaving such an arrangement when you are safe. But I want you to know there are options to protect yourself.
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years
(Also, you can get 4 months of over the counter birth control (progestin-only pill form) at Costco for $50. Or 3 months on Amazon for about $45.)
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i did something crazy (actually played the sims)
#like no i didn’t go in to work on story or post stuff I PLAYED…#i made a sim to try the new pack out with finally because i had a craving for some gameplay#and on this blog we honor those cravings rare as they are#honestly.. it was kind of nice.. i feel burnt out creatively so doing something mindless injected me with serotonin#did i have to restrain myself from making over every sim mine interacted with.. yes of course#ahhh how do people play and not want to remake everything#that’s why i only actually play like a couple times a year 😭#anyway it was nice. i’ll probs hop on again later
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Um ok guys I wrote something to post??? I’m scared bc this kinda sucks but I’ve been writing a lot of random stuff for Patrick and I finally feel ok enough about this fic to publish it i guess 😭😭 this is not really proofread or edited much, so yeah 😭😭
Patrick Zweig x Reader, 1.4k words (Art is also mentioned), and they’re all around college age.
Childhood best friends, mutual pining, fluff, first kiss/admission of feelings, and all of the things.
TW for drinking/alcohol use
Patrick had been one of your closest friends since kindergarten, and ever since you two had met, you were attached at the hip. Even after Patrick had gone off to Mark Rebelatto’s Tennis Academy, even though you didn’t see each other as much, he always made sure to text and surprise you whenever he was home. As you both grew up, you watched Patrick change- he went from the goofy kid with big ears to a tall, and honestly hot guy. And he was well aware of it. Everywhere you went, you saw how he acted- he was so sure of himself, so cocky, and he acted brash and loud. But you knew him better than that.
When it was just the two of you, Patrick was gentle and sweet. He had always been touchy, somehow always managing to go from across the couch to having his arm around you on your movie nights. He was just like that with his friends, totally.
Throughout your friendship, he was always there to protect you; he always kept you close during your parent’s parties, knowing that you didn’t like events and social gatherings the way he did. He always guided you everywhere and took over conversations when he could tell that you didn’t feel like talking. His hand on your waist, he would guide you through the crowds, always making sure you were close to him. He could see right through you, and somehow in these times he understood exactly what you needed. Ever so often, he would slip his hand into yours and give it a tight squeeze to comfort you. This was just your routine, and you knew that Patrick was the only reason why you still agreed to go to these events.
Patrick had always been there for you. He came home from boarding school just for the weekend to take you to your senior prom, he came over and helped you pack for college, and he never forgot to call. Your relationship with him was so perfect… But there was just one problem.
You were in love with your best friend. And you watched him go on dates, sleep with girls, and you knew that he just didn’t want you like that. Every time he would pull you close, hold your hand, or cuddle you on the couch, you just had to remember that this was just his personality. He could get any girl he wanted, and you two were just meant to be friends.
You were good at holding your feelings in, terrified of disturbing the perfect relationship you had with Patrick- you couldn’t risk losing it all over a crush.
—--
Tonight was just like any other night with Patrick and Art- you were all hanging out in Patrick’s living room, drinking random cocktails Pat had mixed up for you, and watching a movie. The three of you were apart most of the year- you in college on the east coast, Art at Stanford, and Patrick just traveling around playing pro tennis. So every summer, you made sure to hang out at least a couple times all together, usually just getting drunk and talking about everything and nothing.
The three of you were lounging in the living room watching some stupid horror movie that none of you really cared about. You and Patrick were on opposite sides of the couch, and Art was comfy on the armchair next to you guys. As the movie progressed, the three of you got drunker, and you started to feel more hazy- so when Patrick pulled you into his arms, holding you as you two watched the movie, you couldn’t help but nuzzle closer into him, melting into his touch. While you two cuddling was nothing new, this was different: it felt a little more sweet and intimate than normal.
You whispered to him, “Hey, I missed you while I was at college”, closing your eyes, tired from the drinking.
Patrick’s face turned red when you whispered that, and he looked away. It wasn’t fair of you to be sweet like that when he was trying so hard to not lean in and kiss you. You understood Patrick in a way that no one else did, and you were the only person he could be completely vulnerable with. He was different with you than with everyone else, and he loved to care for you. Since late in high school, he had been desperate to tell you that he wanted you, but he couldn’t lose you. The commitment was terrifying, and also, Patrick wasn’t even sure if you wanted him that way. So, he had carried that with him for years- but he still couldn’t help himself from needing you close, and he couldn’t stop himself when he cupped your face with his hand, and tilted your head up at him.
“I missed you too”, he whispered. It was already hard for him to not confess to you while he was sober, but now that he was tipsy, it felt almost impossible to keep his words from spilling out. You two locked eyes for a moment, and the way he looked at you felt almost unreal. He looked at you like you were some sort of angel, his eyes filled with an adoration and sweetness that was so unlike the Patrick Zweig you were familiar with.
After a moment, he looked away, his face turning slightly red. Feeling bold, you nuzzled your face back into the crook of his neck, just wanting to be closer. You knew that you would regret being this obvious in the morning- he was just drunk, he probably didn’t actually love you- but you couldn’t help yourself. He held you tighter in his arms as the movie played, and the night got later.
At this point, Art had fallen asleep on the armchair- and as soon as he opened his eyes, he smiled and announced that he was going to bed- this movie sucked anyways. He looked at you and Patrick curled into each other, and he didn’t even seem surprised- he knew how much Patrick liked you, even if Patrick tried to hide it. So, he went upstairs, leaving the two of you on the couch. You both were silent for a couple minutes, unsure if you should say anything. Patrick pretended to be into the movie, but all he could think about was you in his arms.
He whispered your name, looking into your eyes as you glanced up at him. You saw him glance down at your lips and then staring back up at you, and he looked more nervous than you had ever seen him. His hand cupped your face gently, as he whispered, “is this ok?”. You nodded, holding back a small smile as he leaned in and kissed you.
The kiss felt natural for the two of you- like it was something you had done a million times before. Patrick couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, barely believing that he was actually, finally kissing you. Patrick had been dreaming of this moment for years, even though he would never admit it.
He pulled away from your lips gently, pressing small, sweet kisses all over your jaw. You laugh softly as he moves his hands from your face and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to him.
You closed your eyes, the lateness of the night sinking in. You felt so relaxed and content as Patrick continued to press soft kisses down your neck.
You both eventually laid down on the couch, Patrick’s arm slung across your waist as you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. Your drunkenness took over and the world spun around you, but Patrick’s strong arms around you made you feel held in place. You drifted off to sleep, trying to avoid thinking about what things would be like in the morning- because for now, you were happy.
Patrick’s hand rubbed lazy circles into your back as he held you close to him, and felt his stomach twisting with anxiety and happiness, his heart beating faster as he pulled you tighter. He heard your breathing slow down as you fell asleep against him, and he wished to himself for this moment to never end.
Patrick eventually fell asleep against you, and he held you tight for the rest of the night.
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[post]
@wildissylupus I hope it's okay if I respond to you in a post, I was going to comment back but it was getting too long (to no one's surprise) lol. :) <3
I mean yes and no, I’m pretty sure in canon there are far more references to the actual date and time than ccs saying otherwise, whether that’s Techno talking about spending three months in prison, Sam in Daedalus taking note of the days, Dream talking about being in prison for almost a year, or even Tommy and Tubbo talking about how it’d been a wild couple years in the finale. There are also the dates preset for the festivals and wars and such that are referenced in lore. Additionally, I am of the opinion that unless it is agreed upon by the majority of the ccs involved that the timeline is different, then it is not. So, it doesn't matter if cc!Tommy said Exile lasted longer, it's not recognized across the board. This is important because every character is affected from these things. It looks far different if your character doesn't make it to visit Tommy in his 11 day Exile than letting him stay exiled for weeks and not checking in. The same goes for age, as again I'd imagine you'd act different around a 13 year old or 40 year old rather than a 20 year old. Age changes dynamics in the same way that time does. George not visiting Dream in 11 months versus years of Dream being imprisoned is very different.
And you may be saying - well didn't you bring up age recently? - Yes, I did, [here] and the reason for this was two things, the first being limbo time dilation (that I was researching for my fic, Musical Chairs) which is confirmed canon by multiple events, and a poster I noticed recently in the Las Nevadas lore [seen here & here], for Quacktiy's 28th birthday, suggesting he is 7 years older than he is in real life. This is interesting because I believe it is the first time that in lore we have information about age vs ccs just saying things on the side. Begging the question whether we are to think everyone is 7 years older, only some characters are, or whether Quackity is just advertising to be older than he is. None of which are particularly satisfying conclusions to be honest.
Anyways, there really is no great reason to think that time was different, especially as it becomes problematic to other people's lore and events, and I don't remember an in canon reference to it being different, unlike Quackity's bday poster within his actual lore. However even if things like Exile were longer, than I think it's most reasonable to say everything is longer so the ratios and percentages I determined comparing the time frames would stay the same regardless. So for example: if Exile was a month long instead of 11 days, then Dream was in prison for 28.5 months or 856 days, or 2 years and 4.5 months, meaning Exile is still only 3.5% of Dream's incarceration.
(And yea, 11 days does seem pretty short but it really was just from December 5th to December 16th when he leaves. One of the reasons I think it might feel longer than it is, is perhaps because he streams everyday, so the influx of hours of content makes it seem longer.)
#but like longer timeframes makes character look like serious asshoes for real... like Tubbo not visiting his friend for months or Techno#letting dream rot in prison so long :(.... also this means Dream was torture for almost 9 months instead of approximately 3 which ooooooooo#dreblr#dsmp#dream smp#hello there#dsmpblr#this bday poster will continue to haunt my dreams...... not unlike the map that just breaks my brain...
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Do you have any advice for a novice writer who can’t for the life of them figure out how to begin a story and/or scene? I’ve been slowly working on a novel in my free time for the last couple of years, and I feel like I have a decently solid plot and outline, but every time I go to start the actual process of putting words on paper I always get stuck. I’ve gone back and read the first few pages/chapters of other fantasy books to see how published authors do it, but I can never seem to find the right words or starting point that feels authentic and fitting to my own work. It always feels so clunky and out of place, and although I try to follow the ‘rule’ of starting the story in the middle of the action/a moment of change so that it doesn’t feel boring, nothing I come up with seems to help things flow into the beginning of the plot :/
ugh that's hard because actually forcing yourself to write is truly the hardest part. a lot of it is just nerves. like genuinely you're just experiencing stage fright.
that's why i love using tumblr as a micro-writing platform. when i make stupid little posts here, it feels low effort and i don't attach any anxiety to it, and actually that helps a lot when later on i take bits and pieces of stuff i've written here and add it to larger works (if you were following me when I was actively writing "landscape with honey" or "superstore" you'll remember i took a lot of asks that i'd already answered and just shoved them into the fic).
i highly recommend making a word cloud or vocabulary list for yourself if you're trying to cultivate a specific atmosphere as well. i have one on my phone for random words that i want to use.
then i think it might be helpful for you to try and break it down piece by piece. like if you have a scene where a character is packing a suitcase in order to catch a train, just focus on the first part where they're packing their belongings. there isn't a 'right' way to start a story or write something, so don't beat yourself up because the paragraph/sentence doesn't match perfectly what's in your head. the first draft is always going to be rough as well.
try to think of it like when an artist starts a piece. usually they start with simple shapes that they slowly add on to. you can think of your first draft kind of like this:
(image source)
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https://www.tumblr.com/mirensiart/766516621742374913/i-have-to-ask-is-the-curse-in-the-pain-sharing?source=share
I'm usually the definition of a lurker but I'm leaving the safety of the void to ask about what you think the other curses would be for each of the Links. I thought up a few but I want to hear what you think they'd be!
Sky: No idea
Four: Forcing all the Links to split. So there's now 36 Links! I can only imagine the chaos :)
Time: De-aging/advanced-aging curse. So either everyone gets turned into kids or old men, or a mix of both. Or maybe a timeloop! Or maybe something to do with his masks? He has too many possibilities!
Legend: The Pain-Sharing AU
Hyrule: I want to say The Blood Curse gets shared, but none of them would even know unless the monsters started sacrificing them so... maybe everyone turns into fairies?
Twilight: Animal/Dark World Forms Curse.
Wind: Its a common headcannon that Wind can see spirits right? Maybe the spirit sense gets spread around? But that seems more like a benefit than a curse...
Warriors: Uhhhh...? No idea.
Wild: The only thing I can think of is giving the entire Chain amnesia and forcing them to recover their memories the same way Wild does.
Ooooh! OK so, when I made that post I was thinking specifically about legend and twilight cause like, they're already cursed/have a magic thing going on (legend has the soul bond and twi the dark curse) so the wizzrobe would have something to grab onto to base it's curse of
But the idea that the wizzrobe would base the curse on details of each link is pretty interesting ngl
Sky can be either a curse where everyone suffers from stamina issues or that everyone is aware of where everything is making it a sensory nightmare cause of his tracking homing abilities, lol
Four can be very fun, the wizzrobe curse can be either everyone splits into 4 making it the worst thing ever lmao or everyone is now minish sized, like imagine them trying to deal with the black blooded monsters as tiny lil things lol
Time can be the aging-deaging one but like by 7 years lol either some of them get older by 7 years or get younger by 7 years, for the younger ones getting 7 years younger would suck tbh like wind would be 6 lmao the masks ones are also good I feel, maybe wizzrobe casts the spell and the only one standing is Time surrounded by 8 masks of each of his bros 🙃
Hyrule's i'd love it if if where the fairy one, everyone is a fairy!!!! They can't wield a sword or use their items so it would suck ass lol
Wind would be funny if like, the wind waker abilities get spread around, like one of them moves their arms a lil and a cyclone happens lmao they move their arms up and down and now suddenly they're all being blown over by a strong gale, they do some hand motions and oh I can control one of you now, they move during battle making motions with their arms and now it's night time lmao
Warriors' can be constant era hopping cause of how there are so many portals between eras in his game, if the normal portals were annoying, then now every couple of minutes, a portal opens up, and they're in another time lol
Wild's giving them amnesia is so funny and idk why, I like this, everyone just standing there looking at each other like "who the fuck are you.....and who the fuck am I???"
And well, twilight's is the everyone is their dark world animal one and I love that one a lot too hehe
In a way, legend's pain sharing curse is one of the least awful ones lol
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Hello! Okay so this is my first ask!
Could you please do number 30 "If I told you that I didn't need you, well that would be a lie" from the pocket full of hope prompt list you recently posted for Stuart Scola and Sasha please?
Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @noxytopy @district447 @stelacole @abby-splace
Companion piece to:
Every Inch Of You (NSFW) - You and Stuart spend the night together after two years apart.
Escapee - You and Stuart are reunited when a face from your past escapes from prison.
Safehouse - You and Stuart discuss moving forward now you're back in NY.
The Life You Could Have - You get a glimpse into the life you could have with Stuart.
You’ve been in the safe house for three days before you start to get restless. Stuart can see it in the way you pace the living room, tidying Jack’s toys, stacking the books in a neat alphabetised order.
This happens sometimes when you can’t go for a run or hit the boxing gym, that relentless energy you have, it starts to build and build inside you. It makes you impulsive, reckless.
“You’re going to leave aren’t you?” He asks you that night after he’s tucked Jack into bed. You’re drying the dishes on the draining board, putting each one back in its rightful place. Outwardly you’re the epitome of calm, but he knows you, knows your brain is going a mile a minute.
“It’s the only way to end it.” You tell him, folding the towel before you sigh placing your hands upon the surface of the counter. “I’m not sure how much longer I can stand being cooped up like this, it feels like I’m trapped in my own skin.”
It’s the ADHD, you’ve never received an official diagnosis but Stuart sees it in you, he always has. He mentioned it a couple of years ago back before you got married and you conceded he was probably right. You hate the idea of being shoved into a neat little box so you handle it on your own and it works mostly…
Until you end up a position like this, trapped in a house without the usual mechanisms you use to cope.
“Sasha.” He says softly, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders, trying to sooth you. “You just gotta hold out a little longer-”
“That’s not really how it works with me.” You remind him.
You may have been apart for a few years but he hasn’t forgotten the other way you deal with his feelings. His fingers thread in yours and he guides you to his bedroom, closing the door behind him so Jack doesn’t hear the noise. The way you fuck him that night, it’s wild, untamed. He’s forgotten that it can be like this with you, he’s forgotten how he can be when he’s with you. It’s bite marks and scratches, bruises that’ll last for days and finally it’s ecstasy, the most intense euphoria he’s had in a very long time.
When he wakes up the next morning it’s to an odd sense of unease. He runs his hand over the sheets to find your side of the bed empty and a cloying, ominous silence seeping through the house.
It’s then he sees the note propped up on the nightstand and his heart sinks because he realises the truth now, that last night wasn’t really about burning off that excess energy, it was really about saying goodbye.
Stuart? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.
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hiii i come bearing more art ^_^
mostly shadowpeach and mk, then mk with an oc in the last one
#ghost's doodles#lmk posting#lego monkie kid#lmk#lmk macaque#lmk sun wukong#lmk mk#shadowpeach#lmk oc#i keep saying this but i keep forgetting this blog exists. it happens every couple of months to a year lol#i have more drawings but im saving them for bigger projects or to share between friends#the oc in the last one i've developed so much. i have the backstory and how they would tie into current seasons laid out 😭😭😭#i pray to anything we see more mystic monkey mk in season 5. also how does everyone feel that it's going to be dropping like. Soon#folding my hands. my art style is inconsistent but idgaf (is also losing the idgaf war)#im not dead im just kind of floating rn..... if that makes sense lol
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the most rancid drama starters in fandoms are always like "gee i wish this fandom was nicer, why do we have to fight all the time :("
#theres this one guy who is SO vile on twitter lol#he was in my tumblr notifs the other day and has left kudos on all my devils minion fics#idk if he missed the message or whatever#i keep hornyposting about marius so these folks dont get the wrong idea about me LOL#i guess im not hornyposting hard enough#anyway i was dying he's crying on twitter about how fandom is so nasty to each other#but every other tweet is him kinkshaming someone or QRTing a bad take instead of moving along#saying how “these people” (kinky folks) need to be chased off the internet#how marius stans belong on a list#etc#dude the call is coming from inside the house#anyway sorry for vauge posting i just cant believe my eyeballs LMAO#there was also this guy in VC fandom a couple years back who was SO nasty#and he made this huge plea to fandom abt how we need to leave ppl space to grow and learn and walk back their bad opinions when they learn#like my dude YOU are the one attacking everyone!#he was so mean to me lol#he wouldnt shut the fuck up making fun of my asexuality posts lol#like “gee why do queer ppl feel unsafe in fandom? cant be because i mercilessly mock everyone i've decided deserves my ire and abuse!” lol
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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im ngl i think my favorite headspace to be in is "want to be annoying"
#i am also really low energy today so i cant really do my normal expressions of it#(spam messaging Everyone i want to talk to at any given moments notice; sending random pictures/asks/etc to ppl)#but i also like. love being annoying. idc how others feel about it. there's something so wonderful to me about being such a nuisance to ppl#u like that they roll their eyes when you post your random thoughts AGAIN#there's something so lovely about pushing peoples buttons (within reason)#there's something just so fun about being ANNOYING!!!!!#ugh#i think it may genuinely be impossible for anyone to make me hate myself with mean words now#i think about it a lot and ppl can be really mean and it'd make me sad ofc if people were mean to me#butalso like#every person who is mean to me for silly reasons or bc they wanna take me in bad faith; every hateful thing thats been said to me - its all#jokes. my screen name on discord in a couple different servers is nicknames over stuff thats ACTUALLY been said to me#i think weirdly fondly of the man who yelled out to me on my birthday last year “fat bitch” fromhis car not bc he's a good man (fuck him)#but bc yeah that hurt my feelings alittlein the moment - and then after i was like wait why? i AM a fat bitch! its one of my favorite thing#and every time soemone hates something abt me i just kinda learn to love it out of spite#anyway all of this is 2 sy: mutuals if u read this im holdin my finger 2cm frm your cheek going “IM NOT TOUCHING U” & giggling abt it c:
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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and like sidenote if i can make a post with a target audience of zero. i feel like fhsy was to d20 what aa3 was to ace attorney but aa3 pulled it off better for reasons i cannot explain
#it is. the amatonormativity#^ guy who was REALLY pissed about the sandra lynn stuff#like yknow that bit in the first ep where brennan is like 'oh this drama is going down' and so like the pcs investigate it#probs bcos they think itll like kick off their new quest#and then it turns out to be like. petty romantic drama.#thats kind of a microcosm of the entire season for me#not to say there werent parts i liked (looks at the picture of baron i printed out and hung on my wall)#(and most of the leviathan stuff was brilliant and ayda is a role model for me)#but its all so tied up in the rest of that shit that i dont rlly wanna rewatch it the way ive rewatched fy 6+ times#likening this to aa3 bcos of the rlly noticeable uptick in romantic content in it compared to the rest of the trilogy#like prior to that all that rlly comes to mind is like. 2-3 and pearl's shipping shenanigans and larry existing#but in aa3 both mia and phoenix have past lovers who play big parts#theres a married couple theres tigre and viola (who sidenote i ENTIRELY missed as romantic my first playthru. i am dense)#there's the business with fawles#like it felt like romance played a large part in every case in aa3#where even when it came up in 1 + 2 it was usually ancillary (2-3 excepted but like. ppl regard that case as a fluke in most regards)#you COULD argue that maggey and adrian also inject some romantic presence in the story#but idk it just doesnt feel as central or prevalent as in aa3#like i saw a post abt adrian and celeste being cousins in the aa anime being not just the sailor moon 'best cousins' thing#but like. reinforcing the themes of familiar devotion as aa2's core. and that was rlly foundational to my understanding of the game#even tho its a change that comes from an adaptation#whereas you Couldnt make that change in aa3 without it changing A Lot of shit#where was i going with this. shrug.#the zelda and tracker relationship drama was entirely manufactured as punishing the pcs for not centering npcs#whose relationship issues were ancillary to the overarching plot they were focused on and which hadnt rlly been brought up beforehand#'why didnt gorgug call zelda :/' do u want zac to pause the kalina mystery to roleplay good relationship communication with the dm??#like its one thing looking at sy as a narrative but looking at it as a ttrpg campaign with limited time and a need to split character focus#i dont see what it did for the story besides give gorgug something to angst abt. didnt rlly feel like there was character growth or an arc#sigh. MANDATORY DISCLAIMER its been at least a year since i watched sy and longer before that since ive played aa3#but at the time my feelings were strong and have only calcified. romance as a theme in something not generally abt romance
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been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”
and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.
#ensiger#possibly plural#this post is brought to you by a monoconscious culture post that hit a lot harder than i thought it would#'wait how long have i been me. when did i stop being the other guy'#also a lot of the Dragonheart Collective's essay points in Dissociation. & internal thought voice.#the only point in Identity disturbances that really hit was -#Feeling like you weren't born in that body & that you simply appeared one day inside of it.#like. i sometimes feel like ''I'' is more than one internally.#like i'm One Person in the way a cartoon character can be animated/storyboarded by multiple artists.#does that make sense as like?? a plural thing???#or is that just the depersonalization & bees in my brain??#also that like. the 'current me' stepped into my body & 'replaced' whoever used to be here. i have (most) of my memories & shit but just.#i'm not totally sure if this is a 'i have grown and changed since i was a child' or 'i'm a different person in every sense of the word.'#i kind of stewed on this questioning a couple years(?) ago when i was first learning about multiplicity. but nothing ever really came of it#bc digging further into it didn't feel useful. all the stuff i was reading didn't feel like it was lining up with what's going on in here#i've recently been doing some reading on monoconscious & median systems but.#i don't want to act on anything until i Know. or at least until i Know More.#also i'm about 90% sure my kintypes are not headmates/alters/etc. they feel like / similar to my gender & not. ''extra Me's'' so to speak
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sat down three hours ago n pounded out 2k of car crash angst. if it was slight slash but mostly genfic would u read
#toby speaks#I feel like I post fics too much. is that bad. bc every fic writer I know only posts a couple per year but they’re GOOD#and I write very short very bad fics. but I write a LOT of them#and then I don’t get a ton of hits which i know write for yourself but look I LIKE it when people like what I make.#it makes me want to write MORE#anyway this is mostly my own rhetorical musing— I just rlly love writing#I should post longer fics but im better at one shots because I lose motive if it’s longer than like. 5k usually#I have so many ideas for chaptered fics but I HATE writing long fics. instant gratification NOW!!!!
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