#i still have issues with taking shit personally and it has directly harmed relationships!

[spitblaze]

as someone who has spent my entire life taking everything personally. you guys have gotta stop taking everything personally

[tommyssupercoolblog]

IM SORRY THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE AGGRESSIVE i have not been on this part of the internet in a long time so things might have changed but.... last i heard the proship label encompassed things (in fiction) like inc/st, abusive relationships, p/do shit, etc... is that still correct? idk if thats what you were talking about in your tags because i do not know Anything about minecraft youtubers but usually when people put proship in their dni theyre denouncing that stuff. just wanted to clarify im understanding your complaints, no harm intended!

No problem!! it can be confusing lol, nothing wrong with being unsure. All-in-all, you're kinda close with that idea, but still not on target. explanations of proship vs anti, the d/mp fandom's take on it, and my thoughts on it all under the cut:

So proship as a philosophy is about wether or not things like that (in fiction) translate to real life, which is why it's connected to censorship like i mentioned in the post- if you believe that watching or reading something problematic will make more problematic things happen, that someone reading a book with a child/adult relationship makes them more likely to (or is on it's own already the same as) a person pursuing that in real life, that makes you an anti; and it also gives you a big reason to push for works like that being taken down or removed, and for people who make or read that stuff to be put in real prisons or face other real life consequences for fictional acts- because the idea is that, to an anti, these things bleed into each other.

being proship isn't equivalent to enjoying dark fiction like that, but it IS equivalent to believing that, similar to fictional violence, fictional crimes or acts of any kind can be created and consumed by artists and audiences without people actually condoning it IRL. a proshipper would say that if someone plays a video game where they murder someone, and then does it IRL, thats on the PERSON, not the media- and they hold the same position for fictional portrayals of incest, abusive relationships, and pedophilic relationships. the name comes from being pro- as in for- ships, and other content, as a whole; without it having to meet IRL moral criteria.

dark fiction freaks me out personally; the biggest ick (and actually a trigger for me) being incest; It bothers me and i stay away from it. but I don't think that people who read or make it are going to condone it IRL directly because of that media, and I believe that if they WERE to do something bad like abusing someone, it'd be an unrelated/seperate issue: an independent choice that only they are responsible for, not anything they made or watched or read.

That makes me fall under proship, even though I don't like any problematic (as in incest, abuse, adult/minor) ships. Personally, I literally follow people who like things that bother me in that way: i just block the tags so when they post something i really don't wanna see, tumblr tells me, hey, this post has this thing in it so we've spoilered it. If someone likes shipping their silly little blorbos and those silly little blorbos are kinda fucked up in a way that makes their brain go brrr, that's totally chill with me as long as they aren't hurting anyone- which, because i don't think fiction equates to reality, I believe they aren't when they're playing with their blorbos. (and since i'm pro-rpf, it's worth mentioning i feel the same about that. rpf is still FICTION, at the end of the day. you don't actually expect those people to do the things you write or draw. it's still removed from reality. that's personal preference though, many proshippers would disagree.)

So basically proship or Anti is a label that represents your philosophy on how human thoughts and behavior link to fiction. anti means you believe that consuming something fictional is equivalent to doing it in real life, or at least will make you do it IRL later, while proship means you believe that consuming something fictional is unrelated to doing it IRL, and you can enjoy something fictionally without actually enjoying it or condoning it when it's real people.

you will, of course, see more people who enjoy dark fiction under proship, and that's because they themselves consume it- so of course they're going to say it's not the same as doing it IRL. You will also, of course, see more people who don't like dark fiction at all under anti, because when you're disgusted by something like that then that reaction can be taken as "evidence" that it's morally bad. (personally, disgust-based morality doesn't hold up as a concept for me- it's a big reason why bigots believe the things they do, so using the same logic path makes me uncomfortable, but it is still common for people to use it as a way to measure wether something is okay or not.)

so, the part about silly block game.

there's lots of censoring in this part to avoid harassment, so bear with me.

In the early days of the d/mp, people decided that creating romantic content around the b-nchtr-o (Tmmy, tvbb0, and rnb00, who were all around 16 at the time) was inherently problematic. I'm not sure why, exactly, but the idea became that a fan crushing on one of them (at the exact same age!!!) or shipping them with each other, even as characters, was equivalent to being a real life child predator. again, even if the person doing it was ALSO a minor.

because it was seen as inherently problematic, behaviors like those were lumped in with other things problematic- shipping characters on the smp who had fought or killed each other, shipping characters who were related or were minor/adult, etc. there was no distinction; i was there!! it was all problematic, and all of it was seen as evidence that you were a real life predator of some kind regardless of age or disclaimers put under your content.

the label that developed for this group of "problematic content" enjoyers within the fandom became "poppytwt" or "ppytwt". (twt being there because it was mainly localized around twitter). as i explained above, because it could be because of dark fiction OR be//htr/o content, poppytwt content and ships doesn't even require it being dark fiction necessarily, nor does it require it being b//chtr/o; just one or the other, although usually the assumption is that it's both, since that combines the two reasons for being under that label. some people also call any proshippers in the fandom poppy even if they don't engage in anything problematic in-fandom, but that's generally the antis and not people themselves. if someone self describes as poppy, it's for the two main reasons above.

Additionally, the d/mp fandom has this concept of "maintagging". what this means is that if you make problematic content, you are NOT ALLOWED to tag it under the fandoms or characters it's about, because people don't want to see it in their results. ao3 has a tag filtering feature for this exact purpose, but people generally disregaurd that; you're still not supposed to tag it on the "main" tags, and doing so is seen almost like "asking for" harassment, like how some people talk about wearing crop tops alone at night.

Tntd/o managed to cross over, actually, from poppy to main/normalized in the fandom as the creators leaned into it with their characters. but for awhile even that was considered poppy.

different members of ppytwt have different opinions on RPF, but RPF was also considered poppy on it's own sometimes depending on who you were talking to and how militant they were on what got a pass and what didn't.

as be/chtr/o aged....it didn't stop?? all of them hit 18, but still, to this day, you can be cancelled for shipping them with each other or ANYONE else. it's why i'm so damn scared of the d/mp fandom, if i tagged a fic about my source with his character tag, with ANYTHING other than platonic relationships for him/me, I run the risk of being sent threats or doxxed- don't get me wrong, many antis keep to themselves, but there are also those who try to play vigilante- remember, if something fictional is equivalent to IRL, then attacking someone for enjoying a "bad" fictional thing becomes a charitable, heroic act; so sometimes antis might pursue proshippers with the goal of keeping people "safe". Many people in related fandoms or under the same creators also adopted the same ideals handed down from the d/mp fandom, so i'm wary of people who just watch my source too, or of people who like the q/mp.

people joke about the old fandom going crazy if they say tvbb0 and tmmy today, and that's because they would. they'd be furious at tmmy for doing this bit and putting himself in danger, they'd be cancelling anyone who ran with the bit in chat or had a photo of them hugging or kissing like in the music video as a profile picture, it'd be a whole mess. even today though it's still...scary.

((paused there to take a strawberry milk break, im back now))

the somewhat exception to this rule is Rnb00- people literally thirst for them and make nsfw comments openly, so while im not sure about the shipping aspect, i do know simping is widely okay- you couldn't even say you wanted to kiss them before, but now people are saying wayyy more than that...

inversely, i feel like my source has it the worst, because people won't even talk about him- or anything related to him- as an adult. it's always child this and child that, "who let him drink" and "get the alcohol away from the baby!", and of couse "don't ship him or his character with anyone that makes you a pedophile!!!" while the grown ass man they're talking about outright says he's alright with sfw fanfiction in a video where he reacts to someone's x-reader and then makes flirty nsfw jokes with every other adult man in the vicinity. every fanfic is platonic and almost all of them both irl and in game write him as sixteen. they take place in the past or, more commonly, they just straight up age him down. hell, sometimes they even age him down to like eight. even in fics where he IS an adult, he gets called a child or a teenager but never an adult.

poppytwt, like the stigma against writing for the creators or their characters, lives on. and even outside of benchtrio, again, ships between other characters that are problematic are poppytwt, so that also is still clinging on for dear life in some corners of the web. most poppytwt posts that are tagged as such usually include b//chtr/o, but not all of them; and it's worth noting many creators avoid tagging at all even if it's just the poppytwt tag, because they don't want to get swarmed.

because I ship myself with my husband of course, and also make fictional content with our sources as an extension of that (think dungeons and dragons but the character is just you...or, actually, SMPs are a great example of this since the appearance/name is generally the same, so think like an SMP!!!!!) I am poppytwt. I will always be poppytwt to most people who don't like poppytwt. and I have friends who are poppytwt and I like art made by people under poppytwt. I don't need to ship incest to be a part of that, i just need to not think the people who do aren't doing anything harmful when they ship that, and to write/draw....well, anything about septicinnit, which i do all the time.

if someone has poppytwt dni in their bio, i can't interact. if someone has proship dni in their bio, i can't interact. it doesn't matter if what they really mean is "people who like abusive ships because that triggers me", I still can't interact.

Because i think we SHOULD be tagging our content exactly so that we can filter it and find what we personally enjoy (and avoid what we dont), the concept of a DNI is technically something i'm kinda for- it is a way of monitoring and controlling your experience- but it also can be used as an excuse to harass people who forgot to read it, and i have no way of knowing if that's the case in advance.

ADITTIONALLY, because I know and care about people who consume dark fiction, I also don't want to be around people who think that makes them a bad person, regaurdless of wether or not they think i can stay. and "proship dni" is about proship, that fiction isn't reality philosophy- they are saying right out of the gate that they think it DOES make them a bad person. and I don't agree with that. it frustrates me and it makes me upset. those DNIs are based in a place of disgust and hatred for the people I care about, because of content that isn't real, and i'm never going to feel super okay with that...

there's people who don't understand what it means and use it anyway when it's really just about the content; but again, how am i supposed to know which is which?? ESPECIALLY on twitter, the anti philosophy is extremely popular and relevant and yes, trendy. people believe it, HARD, and so i can't assume they don't when they say they do. I've met real flesh and blood people in person who think that way, so if you are using these words, i'm assuming you know what they mean- that way I don't run the risk of making an actual anti upset and violating their boundaries.

you don't have to agree with me on this- if you're anti, then that's your worldview and i'm not going to change that. but that's what those words mean, the history of the block game side of things, and how they're correlated to censorship.

To Summarize:

Anti : Fiction Equals Reality so Fictional Crimes are Real Crimes (ergo we should censor them to stop the crimes)

Proship: Fiction does NOT Equal Reality so Fictional Crimes are Harmless (on their own)

Anti-Anti: Not sure if Fictional Crimes are Harmless, but Don't Like that Antis think Proshippers are The Exact Same Level as IRL Criminals

Poppytwt/ppytwt: Problematic silly block game stuff, OR things that have to do with these three specific block people being hot/dating someone. Sometimes both.

[circular-jerkular]

Re: your question about frameworks other systems use for thinking about situations where system members have different beliefs, narratives, wants, urges, etc., The Fucked-Up Edition

It’s not something we talk much about, for a lot of reasons, but we definitely have parts of our system dynamic that just barely skirt the edges of pretty Messed Up—or actually just plain are Messed Up, just a somewhat-harm-reduced version. (And this is on top of a significant number of things—self-narratives, attractions, etc—about both of us individually that have very high Fucked-Up Potentials). I’m not going to bother getting more detailed, and just leave I at “we feel like this topic is definitely relevant to us too”.

To actually get into your question, pretty much the fundamental way we personally see ourselves as a system is that this is a relationship. “Parts of one self” has never really felt right to us (as you know, since you’ve heard us talk about it before lol), and a big reason why is that it’s never felt necessary, really? For instance, like you, we definitely see ways in which our various bits of Fucked Up Shit relate to each other’s experiences (and not only because a lot of it is in the relationships/connection/intimacy realm)—but, to us, it’s for the exact same reasons that singlets with Issues tend to gravitate towards partners with either parallel or directly-perpendicular traits to the (shitty) interpersonal dynamics they’re used to. Reenacting trauma in relationships and projecting your own needs and insecurities into partners is a timeless staple of couples therapy, and viewing ourselves through that lens makes sense to us. Yeah, it’s not like either one of us could just “break up and move out” if our relationship went to hell, but there’s plenty of partners who are working through very tough stuff together and still fundamentally committed to getting through it side by side.

As for specific harmful traits or behaviors, it doesn’t (again, just personally) feel necessary to think of it in terms of “if one of us believes it, both of us do”, especially since it’s not like we think of one of us as The Problem and the other one as “just putting up with them.” No one’s getting exiled or isolated in order to try to pretend we don’t have problems, and we don’t need to individually also “own” every one of each other’s issues in order to help each other work on them. (Not that some of them aren’t genuinely shared, or that they don’t ever interact, because of course they do sometimes.)

And yeah, being a system means that we really have a front-row seat to each other’s monsters. But, well:

“We don't fall in love with people because they're good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But when you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them-- that's the kind of love that owns your skin and bones. Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Anyways, that’s our take. I think it’s interesting/neat how we tend to agree with a lot of the takeaway behaviors that you (and others) get to via parts language, while personally using an entirely different framework for getting there ourselves. Cheers

Fucking CHEERS INDIGO, and thank you for your ask. It was really nice to read through, and it’s always so interesting to see others perspectives.

For me… I mean, call me co-dependent, it’s accurate, but this reflects a lot of what me and my partner are. It’s been hard, recognizing that my relationship with them is fundamentally different than my relationship with my/ourselves. I can’t read their mind; I can’t understand their reactions as well as my own.

I think that’s why I gravitate towards parts language and part-of-a-whole mentality. It’s hard for me to see my relationship with my parts as anything similar to my relationship with people, particularly with how close I am to my parts.

It’s wild to hear how others experience it so much differently 💜

[spencestyles]

The Other Woman

summary: spencer and meave have a toxic relationship after saving diane and the new agent doesn’t help

pairing: meave x spencer, spencer x BAU!reader

warnings: angst (lowkey), cursing, broken relationship, fluff

words: 4k+

~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since the team and I stopped Diane from killing Maeve, things were different. When I dreamed about meeting Maeve, I thought things would be perfect, we would be a match made in heaven. But after finding out important things she felt to leave out (like she was engaged), the spark was seeming to fade and just genuinely getting to know her personality. Of course our new agent wasn't any help either.

y/n y/l/n

She was different from any other girl I had met. She was smart and a great listener, she was determined to keep learning. She didn't try to outsmart me like Maeve had begun to do. Her biggest talent and asset to the team was her interrogation skills.

"Brian, I know how you are feeling," y/n said to the unsub. "You are upset your dad left you and upset that he left you with your mother."

"She was never a mother," Brian screamed. "That dirty whore didn't know her left from her right."

"The girls?" y/n asked. "Did they know their right from their left?"

"I wouldn't know, I didn't do anything to them," Brian said.

"Well I do, I looked into their background, all single mothers, husband left. They weren't dirty Brian, they were doin-"

"YES THEY WERE. They are all whores. I tried to help them, to help their children. But they were just like she was, a whore."

Since the first day she arrived, I've been enthralled by her presence. Maeve asked to move in around a month ago, I said no. She was so upset it was almost pitiful. It had been an argument that continued for weeks and was heated tonight at our at home dinner date. "Why, Spencer, why can't I move in with you?" She yelled at me.

"Because I barely know you," I yelled back, quickly calming down. "We may have been talking on the phone, but we have known each other in person for five months. I just, Meave, I'm going through a rough time at work. It wouldn't be good for you to move in right now." I made a large breath as Maeve roughly stood up from the table.

"Is there someone else?" Maeve asked. "That new agent, (wrong name), or whatever-"

"y/n"

"Like I said, whatever. Are you talking to her, is there something going on?"

"Maeve, there is nothing going on between y/n and I," I explained. "She is a new agent, she is young, she is like I was when I joined the BAU. I am just trying to help her get settled."

"Why can't JJ do that? She was young when she joined."

"Because JJ was the communications liaison then, she didn't become a profiler until two years ago."

"Whatever," Maeve said, grabbing her purse. "I'm leaving, I need to think."

Thank God

"Ok, we need to talk about this," I said. Maeve muttered something before slamming the door.

Moments like this made me question the relationship I created with Maeve. Maybe it's because I never really knew her. I knew her job and that she was smart, but I didn't know how clingy she was or bitchy and competitive. I don't blame Diane for being so upset. Why was she so upset about y/n, I mean y/n is gorgeous and smart. But she is so young, she's only 24. Tomorrow was going to be a good day, tomorrow I was finally going to make some decisions about Maeve.

Waking up the next morning felt like a chore. The sound of my phone going off was much worse than my alarm clock.

"Reid."

"Spencie, it's y/n," the angelic voice I was longing to hear was music to my ears at 3 in the morning. "We have a case, JJ called me and told me to call you. Which thinking about it is a little strange- wait that's not the point of this call. I need you to pick me up."

"Yeah I can come get you," I said rushing around. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Spencie, I owe you big time."

Running around my room, I tried to pick my best outfit. y/n loved when I dressed in blue or purple, so I decided I would dress in blue this fine morning. My light blue button down and my tight navy pants, made me look a sexy professional as I would say, so would Derek (and hopefully y/n). I hated driving, but I would never tell y/n that, she is too cute when singing in the car for me to say no to her.

On my way to her apartment (which was very small and in a terrible area), I began to think about what y/n said on the call. JJ called me and told me to call you. Why wouldn't JJ just call me. I mean I do tell JJ about my problems with Maeve and my schoolboy crush on y/n, but she was so upset when I first said it.

"Maeve is literally your dream girl Spence, why are you trying to stop that? And for y/n, now I know she is smart and wow, she is hot, but Spence, she is 24. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Also, I didn't work my ass off to save Maeve for you to end things with her."

JJ was right, y/n was too young and too naive to know what she wanted. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted. I fell for a girl over the phone and then realized she's not at all what I thought. I should have known.

Arriving at y/n's apartment building I texted her a quick 'here' before noticing her car tire had been slashed. The passenger door opened and y/n sat down handing me a large coffee in her typical reusable to-go cups. "y/n you didn't have to bring me coffee," I said.

"Spence, it's three in the morning and you are driving," you said with a straight face. "I brought you the coffee so you wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel and we would die." I laughed before taking a big swig of the drink and heading to the office.

"I saw your tire had been slashed, what happened?"

"I don't know, JJ called me so I went out to get my go-bag from the car because I left my good mug in it and I saw the tire was slashed. I have no idea how it happened or why, it's really annoying though, I just got new tires." The situation with y/n's tire was strange, I mean she lives in a complex where nearly twenty cars are out front if they aren't in the back lot. Why only her car? Maybe it was nothing special, just a coincidence.

y/n heard my phone ring and looked at the screen, "It's Maeve," showing me the screen. "Why is your girlfriend calling you at 3:30 in the morning?"

"I have no clue y/n, leave it to ring out. I'll get to her later."

This has happened before. When I drop y/n off from a case that ran late or after a night with the team. I get calls and texts from Maeve enraged. Does she honestly not understand we work together. We live less than six minutes from each other, so when we ride together it's not like either of us are going out of our way.

After spending most of the car ride singing to Taylor Swift, we arrived at Quantico and rushed to the elevators. We weren't late, but y/n liked to be early so she didn't look sweaty for the team.

"Why do you hate looking sweaty?" I asked her.

"Well, when our Unit Chief is a TOTAL dilf, I'd like to at least look nice," she said smiling. I frowned. "Kidding Spence, not totally, but I like to look nice because I am still proving my spot on this team and good hygiene is very respectable."

Of course she has a crush on Hotch, not that she has daddy issues or anything. But they are so close and the validation he gives her is a bit too much to be work appropriate. I'm honestly just so glad its not Derek she has a crush on.

"That makes sense, I'm going to call Maeve to she what she needed," I said stepping towards the conference room. "She's been calling me non stop." y/n nodded as she rubbed paper towels on her armpits.

Right as I was about to dial Maeve, her name flashed across my screen, "Hello."

"Spencer, what the hell," she screamed. "Why were you at y/n's at three in the morning."

"Maeve, tell me where I am right now," I said.

"You are at work Spencer," She answered. "But that is besides the point. Why did YOU pick her up?"

"BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO WORK AND SHE LIVES SIX MINUTES FROM ME," I yelled, tired of her assumptions and bitchy, clingy behavior. "JJ called y/n and told her to tell me we had a case and her car's tire was slashed so she asked for a ride. There is no harm in that."

Maeve let out a large breath, "I don't want you around her anymore."

"What, I can't do that, we work together," I laughed.

"Quit," she said shortly. "Or tell Hotch that she is terrible to work with and isn't qualified for the team."

"Maeve, you are angry. I'm not quitting and y/n is very qualified at her job, Hotch wouldn't believe me."

"Then why do you help her if she's qualified?"

"I told you that last night, this conversation is over." I hung up the phone hearing her protests. I looked over and saw the team looking at me, they obviously had heard the interaction. y/n looked confused. Why was she being brought into this?

The team walked into the conference room, "Garcia, you can begin," Hotch said. Turning to me he said, "We will talk about this before we leave." I nodded. I didn't listen to Garcia presenting the case, but I looked at y/n. She looked like she had been crying, I don't know why, hopefully it wasn't me. After the presentation, Hotch gave us thirty minutes to gather ourselves before we needed to be on the jet.

He pulled me into his office, "What was that in the conference room?"

"Maeve thinks I'm cheating on her with y/n," I said. "It's not a big deal."

Hotch looked at me sternly, "Well it becomes a big deal when our newest agent tells me she should transfer because she doesn't like that she's interfering with your relationship. Now y/n cannot be transferred, she is an asset to this team and the team loves her. You need to sort your shit out with Maeve." I nodded and walked out the door over to y/n's desk where she was getting her small things together.

As soon as she saw me walking over, she began to walk away, "y/n wait."

"I'm going to see Penelope," She said, not looking at me. Even without looking directly at me, the tear stains were evident.

I looked over at JJ who had seen the whole interaction, "JJ what do I do?"

"Well Spencer, you need to either break up with Maeve or get over your crush on y/n," She said sarcastically. "In my opinion, you should break up with Maeve anyway. After hearing that phone call, I think she sounded toxic and manipulative. Give y/n some space, she just got a lot thrown at her. She thinks she's a homewrecker."

I sighed, "I know I need to end things with Maeve, but I feel so horrible."

"You feel horrible even though she treats you like that?" JJ asked, shocked.

"I just don't want her to think I led her on or I actually was cheating on her with y/n."

"You may not be cheating on her with y/n, but Spence," I looked up at her. "You like y/n, you can't deny that. y/n still is the other woman, whether its intimate or not."

JJ was right, I was about to walk up to Penelope's office when Derek reminded us we had to leave. Looking ahead, I saw y/n talking with Hotch. She looked upset and Hotch looked concerned, but when he looked over at me, he was pissed.

As we made it to the entrance of the jet, I told JJ and Derek I would meet them on the jet, wanting to talk to Hotch, "Hey, what did y/n say to you?"

"She told me this was her last case," Hotch said. "She gave Strauss resignation forms and is going to be an elementary art teacher. Now she isn't even transferring. Fix this now or you will be suspended from cases and you will be staying back and doing paperwork until I see fit. You and your relationship problems should not have led to y/n leaving the team."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. y/n was leaving the team. She was leaving because of me. Because I was so enchanted by her smile and the slight gleam in her eye.

Worst of all, she isn't even staying in the FBI. She is going to do the job she said she always wanted to do after the FBI. y/n always told me she wanted to stay in the FBI and then when it got to be too much, she wanted to teach art.

You may say I'm a terrible person for basically emotionally cheating on Maeve, but Maeve and I would never work in the long run. She may have been my back then, but she will never be my forever.

Walking onto the jet, I felt the hostile stares of my teammates. y/n sat at the corner of the jet, alone, reading her favorite book, Little Women. While the book is very boring in my opinion, I understand the appeal to y/n. A strong female lead who doesn't believe in the common standards in her time period. Much like Jo March, y/n was strong willed. She always put up a challenge to the ideas she opposed.

I unfortunately, was Theodore Lawrence in this situation. In love with Jo March, but I needed to show it to her. The only and strongest difference was that I am in a relationship.

I need to end it with Maeve.

That however, will be easier said than done. Maeve is much like Amy March: annoying, greedy, easily angered, jealous, and most of all the one that is settled for.

But no, I, Spencer Reid, will not settle for Amy, I am going to get Jo.

I was walking over to y/n when I was stopped by Rossi, "Don't make it any worse than it already is, kid." Appalled, I looked at him and then the team. Their faces all said the same thing only Rossi was able to make into words. I decided to sit not near them and not near y/n. I sat by myself and created a plan to keep y/n at the BAU.

The plan went as so:

1. Convince y/n to stay and explain relationship problems with Maeve

2. Break up with Maeve

3. Tell y/n what truly happened with Maeve (phone calls, kidnapping, and after)

4. Tell y/n feelings (and pray she feels the same)

This plan was definitely going to be easier said than done. The hardest part being breaking up with Maeve.

The case wasn't eventful and easy to figure out. The unsub was killing people who looked like his wife that left him at the altar. Not once did Hotch put me with y/n, understandably. Instead, y/n spent her time with JJ and Hotch.

I decided to not talk to anyone because I needed to devise my plan. I needed to break up with Maeve, but make sure I kept y/n out of it. That was going to be the challenge, Maeve was going to blame the break up on y/n. I decided to text Maeve a quick 'jet is landing. I'm coming over. We have things to discuss.'

I turned off my phone, knowing Maeve would start blowing it up. The jet landed and I went to begin step one, but Derek stopped me from going towards her further, "Pretty Boy, I know you want things to get right with Pretty Girl, but give her space. Just a little and sort things out with Maeve. After hearing what JJ and y/n have said about her, you should end things.

I nodded and sprinted to my car, seeing as y/n got a ride with Penelope. The ride over to Maeve's house was tense, even though I was alone. I couldn't stop thinking of the outcomes that could occur tonight.

Making it to Maeve's apartment, I kept reciting all the things I could say to her.

"I don't feel a spark anymore." Decent.

"You are a controlling bitch." Too harsh.

"I never really knew you." Getting there.

"I think we need to try new things." Fuck. I had made it to the door and I didn't know what to say without the possibility of hurting her. Breaking up with her is the only thing I can do to save my friendship with y/n. Its also the only thing I can do to save myself from this toxic mess of a relationship.

I knocked on the door and it was immediately opened by a very angry Maeve, "Spencer, finally you are here. You were taking so long I thought something may have happened, were you with y/n?"

"No Maeve, I wasn't with y/n," I sighed. "In fact we aren't even talking."

"Well that's perfect," Maeve said. "Why do you look upset about that?"

I looked at her surprised she didn't understand, "Because Maeve, she heard our fucking fight yesterday morning over the phone. She isn't talking to me because she thinks she ruined our relationship-"

"She did-"

"NO SHE DIDN'T MEAVE!" I screamed. "y/n is leaving the team because you are jealous of anyone in my life. First it was JJ, so I pushed JJ away. Then Derek, so I pushed Derek away. You have ruined all of my friendships with my coworkers and are now making work a living hell. y/n didn't ruin our relationship because it was already fucking ruined Maeve. How did you not see it?”

"What? Spence?" Maeve went to touch my arm.

I stepped away, "No Maeve, this is over. We are over. After we stopped Diane, I thought we would be perfect. But we aren't, we aren't good for each other at all. Whenever I accomplish anything at all, big or small, you fucking disregard it and talk about something you did. I am helping y/n, I like y/n. y/n is nice and she listens to my facts and she doesn't judge me for having feelings."

"Spencer, do you think I do that?" Maeve asked with a fake sweet act.

"Think? No Maeve, you do all of those things. Yesterday you told me to quit my job or tell Hotch y/n wasn't qualified. You should be supporting me. This relationship is not good for me. I am leaving, none of your stuff is at my place so you don't need to come over ever again." I quickly left the apartment, ignoring Maeve's pleas for forgiveness.

Sitting in my car, I quickly drove off to y/n's house. I needed to see her, to explain to her what had been happening.

YOUR POV

When I met Spencer, he was my mentor. Very quickly after that however, he became my best friend on the team. Since we lived so close together, it was common for us to carpool to and from work and work events.

I quickly learned about Maeve once I began to get closer with Spencer. Spencer's manipulative, psycho bitch of a girlfriend that was out to ruin my life. I had never done anything to try and involve myself in their relationship, but when they have problems it's always my fault.

After hearing Maeve and Spencer's phone call, it was a no brainer for me to leave the team. However, I knew that wasn't enough for me to get rid of the taunts I had been receiving from Maeve. And by taunts I mean she slashed my tire. I was offered a job at one of DC's most prestigious private schools to teach art and after the phone call, I decided to take it.

Now, I wasn't upset that Spencer didn't like me back. I was upset that Maeve was making him decide between us when nothing had ever happened. I thought Spencer was cute, definitely, and there were times when we were a little too touchy or flirtatious. But, I saw it as Penelope and Derek and I'm sure he did too.

I sat in Penelope's car trying to focus on the road whilst she was screaming at me, "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? You can't leave y/n. You just got here and we like you here. Maeve and Spencer have had problems for a few months, it's not because of you. JJ and Maeve also got in a fight because he thought Spencer was too handsy with her and I've barely ever seen them touch.”

"Pen, I'm leaving because I have a great job opportunity," I tried to reason. "I was eventually going to take it, but I don't want to hurt Spencer's relationship." Penelope sighed, giving up her attempt to have me stay. We got our Wendy's before Penelope went to drop me off.

As Penelope drove up to my apartment, I noticed a figure standing in front of my house. It looked familiar.

Spencer

"Pen, so you think I can stay over tonight?" I asked.

"No, go talk to pretty boy, have him explain," Penelope responded.

I walked up to my apartment, Spencer looked at me. His face lighting up under my front porch light. He had flowers in his hands. Daisies. "Spencer, what are you doing here?"

SPENCER'S POV

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"If you'd let me in I think you need to know what has been happening," I said handing her the flowers.

"Okay, come in," She said grabbing the flowers and unlocking the door. "That you for the flowers."

"Daisies are your favorite," I said quietly. "You never told me, but you always said you liked the name Daisy for your daughter and I just assumed."

"You guessed correctly Spencer," y/n said putting the daisies in a jar.

I sat on her couch, the one I had sat on to watch countless episodes of Dr. Who when I needed to get away from Maeve.

"Can I explain?" I asked as she walked over with a coffee.

"Sure Spencer, but I don't think any explanation will make me stay," she answered.

I sighed, "Well you know the whole Maeve back story right?" she nodded. "Well after we saved her things were great. I was happy, so happy and so in love. But around the time I started to die down from the holy shit you just almost died phase, I began to notice all the flaws and toxic traits in her and our relationship."

y/n nodded, "And you couldn't see any of that before because you only ever talked over the phone?"

"Correct. Maeve, she is very smart. So smart that she often would say things to undermine the fact I went into the FBI and as she would say instead of something useful. At first I thought it was a harmless joke, but when she began to say things like that in front of the team, it crossed a line. When I confronted her, she accused me of lying, saying she never said anything like that. She has always been decently jealous, she was jealous of JJ and even jealous of Alex Blake. Blake's spot is the one you filled, she was like a mom to me. Now, she is jealous of you.”

y/n looked motionless, "Why is she jealous of me Spencer?"

I looked over at her nervously, "y/n we are very close right?"

"Yes, Spencer, you're like my best friend."

I nodded, "yes and Maeve didn't like that. She was very jealous of you because at one team dinner before you joined, Garcia showed us a picture of you from Instagram. When everyone saw the picture, everyone was like wow she is so pretty and you know, you are very gorgeous and I'm a bad liar so I agreed. Maeve and I got into a huge fight because of that. Ever since, she is like really jealous and then we sorta became a mentor, mentee relationship because you are so young and I was so young when I joined.”

y/n looked surprised. Did she not know the team thought that about her. However, y/n nodded, telling me to continue.

"Then I realized how close we lived and we started to carpool and hang out. This was when the aggressive texts and phone calls began. The team knew I needed to break up with her, but I didn't want to make it look like we were seeing each other, you would never like someone like me.”

y/n laughed, "She was jealous because we carpooled? Did you know she was the one that slashed my tire that morning, I got a clip of it on my Ring doorbell."

"Seriously? Sounds about right. Anyway, I broke up with her. She isn't what I want y/n. I want to be with you. And I know you might not like me and-"

y/n cut me off with a laugh, "Spencer are you serious?" I looked at her confused. "I have had a crush on you since I first met the team. I was heartbroken when I found out you had a girlfriend."

"Actually?"

"Spence, why would I lie to you?"

"Will you come back to the BAU?"

"I'll talk to Strauss, but I think if we want to do anything we should wait. I don't want people to actually think we were having an affair."

I laughed, "Definitely not. You were the other woman though. Kept me up all night thinking, dreaming. You infatuate me y/n y/l/n."

"Well I am very glad we got that done with," y/n said. "Watching you with Maeve was like watching the end of Derrick and Addison's relationship on Grey's Anatomy."

"What?"

"Never mind Spence, we will have to save this topic for another day."

—————

in light of the recent allegations against mgg, i will no longer be posting mgg content. however, mgg is not spencer reid, spencer reid is a character. please understand that at this moment i am working on a new username

* IF ANYONE HAS NEW USERNAME IDEAS PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME or i may just be changing to spencerscumslut

[iamanartichoke]

They can explore Loki's POC and queer "coding" once they hire POC and queer actors to play Loki. The series is building up to this by introducing variants. Talking about TH's Loki as "POC coded" is generally frowned upon, see this twt tread. Twitter,com/stitchmediamix/status/1370937314541772803

Look. I get where you're coming from, in theory. I'm not saying "minority characters should be played by minority actors, especially when said character's minority struggle is intregal to their development" is a bad take.

I'm saying that in Loki's case, his trauma regarding his adoption, his parents lying to him, his family issues, etc - the trauma which stems directly from the fact that he is biologically neither Asgardian nor a member of the family he grew up in - shouldn't be handwaved away, retconned, or ignored simply because Tom Hiddleston is a white man. The character is Jotun (a fictional race), the race is marginalized and oppressed, and the fact that in their society, Asgardians regard Jotuns as literal monsters means that Loki has grown up internalizing those beliefs and that narrative, which directly influences how much self-hatred he has for himself. Loki's trauma can't be separated from his status as a member of a marginalized race; it's like having a whole entire quilt made of lots of patterns and colors and then deciding that there's a few pattern pieces in the middle that no longer fit. If you take it out, you don't have an entire quilt anymore; you've got a quilt with a big ass hole in the middle.

Like I said, I get it. I'm not denying that it's problematic to give poc, queer, and minority character roles to white, cis actors, and then turn around and have those actors portray their character's marginalizations. But you have to allow for the nuance of this particular character's race being fictional and the role that race plays in the overall universe in which the story takes place.

Furthermore, I don't really agree with this lack of separation between character and actor, bc it is and has been a slippery slope into actors being bullied and harrassed over the roles they take, forcing some to out themselves not bc they want to but in order to make the "fans" back off. If Tom Hiddleston came out tomorrow and said he was bi or pansexual, for example, would it suddenly be okay to explore his Loki's queerness, despite the fact that he still is white and would be straight-passing? Where do you draw the line?

(I am not saying Tom is bi or pansexual, and I am aware he has stated he's straight, this is just an example.)

Also even if he was, if he hasn't said it or publicly been in a same-sex relationship, it's not like we'd know. Can you say for absolute 100% certain that this person is not queer? I am extremely straight-passing; no one knows I'm ace unless I tell them - does that make me less queer? I am also half-hispanic but extremely white-passing - does that make me less hispanic? If I were an actor and I were cast to play a latina asexual character, would my passing white hetero-ness mean I'd have to come out and say well actually... when I was inevitably bullied for it online?

I realize these may be shit takes but my point is that, again, where do you draw the line? Where are the goalposts? Bc when you start dismantling it, it moves from "only queer and poc actors should play queer and poc characters" to "only actors who are visibly queer and poc can play them" to "only actors who are visibly queer and poc enough can play them" and like. Who gets to be the judge of what's enough? What if an actor doesn't want to disclose their identity? And so on.

Again, like I said, I get where the argument comes from and I don't disagree that actors who are poc and queer should not be passed over for queer and poc roles. But the belief that every queer and poc character must be played by a queer and poc actor is, again, a slippery logical slope that can be counterproductive and actively harmful, and I don't agree that Tom's white cis-ness makes the character of Loki any less Jotun, nor should the trauma and complications of that be shied away from on-screen.

[masterthespianduchovny]

I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.

And that’s perfectly fine.

I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?

Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.

Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?

Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.

Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.

There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.

So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.

1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”

No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?

Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.

2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.

I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.

And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?

Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.

Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.

3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!

This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.

He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???

What does he think assistants are there for?

For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.

In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.

Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.

For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.

Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.

Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?

Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?

Would he even listen?

What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.

Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.

But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.

So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.

Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.

[ethrenisnotthehero]

@hogwartsmystory is a predator (final)

If you haven’t read the other parts of this callout, I encourage you to start here. As in both previous posts, the normal tags are not included in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.

TW: Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming

Originally, I intended to craft this final part to you, the reader, as an emotional appeal. To be wholly honest, there’s only so much evidence that can be utilized without either forcing Jill to relive unnecessary trauma or exposing deeply intimate or personal parts of her life. Until now, everything I’ve told you and everything I’ve shown you is what was enough to convince me when Jill first reached out to me. If you, the reader, don’t believe the factual information that’s been presented so far, then I don’t think that you will. If you, the reader, believe Jill and her story, then no further evidence is going to magically make her story more true.

However, I don’t have to. Instead, I can let the friends-- the family--that Ren created on his website speak for themselves, and show you with their own testimony just the kind of person he was. Jill wasn’t the only person that Ren hurt. Jill wasn’t even the only person Ren preyed on as a sexual predator. Many people on staff, and many people outside of it, knew Ren and grew to have what they thought was a close relationship with him. People regarded him as someone to look up to, to find comfort in, to aspire after, to lean on; people thought of him as a friend and a hero in his community.

On April 12, 2021, at 9:57 AM Greenwhich Mean Time, the current administrators of Advanced Scribes issued a statement addressing Ren’s actions and his faked death. An additional announcement was made the following day. While the announcements themselves and the replies (including moderator statements) are publicly available, I have saved a print-to-PDF versions on Google for you to browse at your leisure. 

I intentionally waited until the initial panic and outrage died out a little to let the most important statements come to light. Included in the PDF are sentiments that I personally thought were the most important sentiments; edits have been made and pages have been deleted, so you can see the current state of the conversations by visiting them directly. You can find the first discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42100#p1454263 and the second discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42107#p1454361.

Before you continue reading, please look over the statements and replies. The words of former staff former friends say more than I can ever hope to about Ren and the kind of reality that he stood for. Additionally, Jill herself has added to the conversation (username Rakuen), so you can read a bit from her perspective by looking into these announcements. After you’ve taken a look, continue below and I will sum up my final thoughts on this predator and his legacy.

Advanced Scribes • Our Statement (PDF)

Advanced Scribes • Change (PDF)

The Act of Grooming, Part 3: Entrapment

One of the reasons that predators get away with their crimes for so long is because they trap their victims. When they gain access to and successfully lure in their prey, they then engage in entrapment behavior to separate victims from other people and build reliance. The reason why kids are so prone to predation is because of how vulnerable they are. Young people just want to belong. They just want to have community, security, and affection. When they can’t get those things in their lives, they seek it out and take it where they can get it even when the situation is obviously bad. Kids can’t be held accountable for being smart because they’re kids. Jill was vulnerable. She wanted belonging and support. She fell into Ren’s lures, and he trapped her. He used his affection as a tool to solicit sexual favors and pictures from her, but never shared his face with her. She was always chasing his love, and all the while he was simultaneously preying on other individuals in the community. For God’s sake, this man had a selfie thread where underage girls would send pictures of themselves publicly on the site for him to look at, and he even intentionally disabled the website’s COPPA features.

Before Jill, there was Buttercup. Buttercup was also an admin, and she was also 13 when she met Ren. While Ren was a minor during he and Buttercup’s relationship, his behavior with her was just as predatory and Buttercup attempted to warn Jill via PM before she ended her relationship with him.

The picture he sent Buttercup wasn’t even him.

The entire time that Ren was convincing Jill that Buttercup was evil, and jealous, and a spiteful, hateful person, he was manipulating her the same way he was manipulating Jill. Ren is a predator who knows what he’s doing; he always has. He draws in his victims and makes everyone hate them so that he’s the only person they have. He makes them so desperate for his approval that they let him screw them over time and time again, and for what? Just to see his face. Think about what you read. He didn’t just do this to Jill and Buttercup. He did this to every person he cheated with or got close enough to get a grip on. Even if he didn’t sexually exploit someone, he emotionally did. An entire community of people suffered through this over and over and over again. Read the statements again. If you only read the live version, read the PDF. 

I also want you to bear in mind that everyone on staff was equally a victim as they were an enabler. It doesn’t erase their responsibility, but their roles in this story or more nuanced than “moderator bad, burn the witch!” Some of Ren’s supporters were as young or younger than Jill when they met him. The two people most notorious for standing at his side right now were both “rewarded” with a relationship with him in the fallout of his faked death.  

At some point, this man looked at his behavior and not only decided that he didn’t need to take responsibility, but that his victims daring to try and claim some kind of ownership over their own story was a personal affront to him. 

Ren is a monster of his own creation. He chose to be that monster again, and again, and again.

What makes his enablers equally to blame is when they became adults and made a conscious choice to ignore what was happening, which brings us to the next topic.

Finally... How Old Was Jill?

Despite everything I’ve said and shared so far, I still get this question in my inbox.

How old was Jill? Did she lie about her age? Is she free of guilt because she was a kid? Did he know how old she was? Was she legal in her country?

I gave you all everything I had. There were some things I just couldn’t confirm because there was no proof either way. However, all of that changed when the announcements were released. I now know exactly how old Jill was when they began dating, exactly how old she was when people knew about their relationship, and even that Ren was public with all of this information. I also know that staff knew everything, and chose to do nothing.

As you can see in the screenshots above of Buttercup’s message, it was sent on Jun 17, 2015. At that time, Jill was 14 years old. By Buttercup’s estimation, they had been dating for around a few months, which is how I was able to discern the previous exact age of 14 years old at the time they began dating.

However, Ren himself refutes that fact in a Valentine’s post for Jill. As pointed out in the “Our Statement” thread, the post that user amnesia. references includes very sexual and disgustingly graphic descriptions of Ren’s activity with her. It also says this:

As per the timestamp of this particular post (as seen below), Jill was 16 at the time. Ren, a man claiming to be twenty-five years old at the time, was proud to admit that he had been with Jill since she was 13.

You can view the full PDF of this post to see what else he said here, but please be warned that his descriptions are NSFW and absolutely disgusting. 

Warm Fuzzies Post (PDF)

No adult should talk about a kid like that. In the statements, several staff members admit that they knew that the two were dating when she was 16, and that it grossed them out. But none of them did anything. To amnesia.’s credit, they claim they tried to pursue legal action but found no viable routes. 

From the discussions and statements, we can discern five things:

1. Jill was 13 when she started dating Ren. 2. She did not lie about her age. 3. Ren did not lie about her age. 4. Ren knew how old she was. 5. Staff knew how old she was.

Jill’s feelings and her opinions on staff and their behavior are separate from my own. She does not share my beliefs here, and I need to make it very clear that what I’m saying next is entirely my own opinion.

To everyone who was staff at that time: shame on you. It’s one thing to be a victim yourself and to not understand how or when to stand up for what’s right, especially when you’re young; it’s another to become an adult and to have let something like this permeate your legacy and your community for all this time. From what I understand, none of you are completely innocent in this. Ren wasn’t secret, he was loud and proud and he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Everyone who was an adult then and is an adult now shares some responsibility for that. Those of you who mean your apologies, thank you, but those of you who are using this event as a stepping stone to make that website into your own personal playground know who you are. Stop. There’s an entire generation of kids between AS and CS who have lost years of their childhoods to this shit and the only right thing at this point would be to turn the site over to the police so that Ren can answer for his crimes the right way.

To everyone else: protect the people around you. People like Ren don’t think about how other people think or feel. They don’t care who gets hurt or who they trample under their feet. Look around at your community, and ask yourself if those who interact with you know that you are safe. Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt. Are you the kind of person that they can come to when it happens, or are you the kind of person who will turn your head away? 

Be the person that everyone knows they can come to, because, eventually, someone’s going to need you.

[sharkmobster]

more funtime found family au stuff but this time focusing on funtime freddy and michael's relationship. it's incredibly rambly and turns into off-kilter dialogue but i gotta get this off my chest.

tw mentioned child abuse/death

• doesn't actually like michael (at first) even tho i draw them hanging around each other a lot

• bon bon is the only reason he does loaf around him. (bon bon and bonnet being the only ones who like Michael in the beginning.) They're attached to each other so it's inevitable that they would hang around mikey.

• ft freddy plays really mean spirited jokes on michael bc he's not allowed to harm him. he has to get real creative. (ft freddy has a lot of anger inside of him. people write him off as being dumb and goofy but really that's just a mask that he put up so he didn't scare people away. of course the funtimes know how he is, knows who he is right to his core bc they're all connected on a deeper/technological level.)

• (slaps funtime freddy. this bear can fit so much trauma and abandonment issues in him!)

• can be incredibly vindictive when he wants to be and takes out a lot of his agression on Michael. michael shares the afton name (bc he sure as hell doesn't look like william in my au lol) and that alone is enough for ft freddy to bully him.

• (the funtimes blame william for abandoning them so ft freddy takes it especially personal when his ankle biter comes around to "liberate" them. and on some deeper level freddy is just terrified that michael will abandon them all, just like willy did. he never voices this of course. opting to show his apprehension and fear in a more destructive way, pushing Michael further away.)

• canon ft freddy: sinister but still goofy and knows how to have a good time

my ft freddy: goofy and repressed anger issues, doesn't know how to enjoy himself without causing someone some kinda pain.

• michael gets fed up with being terrorized eventually and confronts him, and ft freddy drops the silly act for a bit just ready to blow up at him. (he can't even place why he's still so angry at michael when really he's been nothing but hospitable and accomodating to their wants and needs but fuck he's just so wound up he doesn't know what to do) michael compares him to william during the argument (cruel and vindictive just like william wanted) and ft freddy nearly rings his neck, absolutely seething but bon bon doesnt let that happen of course. (idk if this is confirmed canon but bon bon was designed to placate freddy. he raises his voice even slightly and bon bon's petting his face, stopping him from getting even more agressive)

• ft freddy shuts down after the confrontation ends (emotionally, anyway) and the blow out itself is completely anti climatic, nobody getting hurt. he ends up isolating himself from the others with bon bon hovering around like a concerned mother hen. Baby and the others give him space but michael (after he cools down anyways) won't leave him alone.

• See the thing is: Michael understands. Michael understands more than anyone what it's like to feel so deeply, what it's like to hate and hate and to keep hating until that rage is your whole life. It's suffocating. and he had to deal with that all on his own, choking on his own grief and rage without anyone to guide him. (his brother is dead bc of him and he carries that with him everywhere he goes, in everything he does.)

• They're living in the countryside of France at this point in time, far off from any wandering eyes, a thick forest surrounding their home. Freddy has a few hiding spots that he scouted out within the first few days of staying there. And that's where Michael finds him, hiding out in a small alcove by the a creek, throwing rocks at the trees (and sometimes wildlife).

• freddy doesn't aknowledge him, ignoring him like a child would and bon bon frets nervously between them, not wanting another fight to break out. Michael tells them that he's not here to fight anymore, he just wants to talk. you like to talk, don't you? and freddy doesn't say anything, running his fingers through the dirt, absentmindedly.

• michael asks bon bon to leave so that they can have a private convo and bon bon freaks out like absolutely not, he might hurt you and michael asks freddy directly like "are you going to hurt me?" freddy still isn't talkative, and he's rigid when he shakes his head no after a bit of silence. Bon Bon asks if he's alright with him leaving and freddy just shrugs, still staring at nothing in the distance. bon bon hesitates for a few moments before finally leaving, telling Michael to call out to him if he's in danger but michael rushes him along.

• it's just them now, nothing but the sounds of nature around them. michael asks how he's feeling and freddy shrugs again. Michael strikes up a one sided conversation, stepping closer and closer to him over time not really getting any kinda response out of him but eventually, during his rambling, freddy finally looks at him and says "Y-You just don't get-get it." and then goes back to the silent treatment.

• Michael's quiet, having made his way up to standing right next to freddy (he's only a tiny bit taller than him when he's just sitting like that). he nods his head, considering something for a while until finally he goes "Did I ever tell you about what it was like? Ya know. Being William Afton's golden child?" freddy doesn't say anything but he pauses from drawing circles in the dirt, tilts his head just a fraction to let mikey know he's listening.

• michael stares at the creek. "He wasn't the most outwardly loving father. Wasn't really the nicest one, either. But, I wanted his approval so bad, I'd do anything for it." Freddy slowly turns his head to watch him carefully. that's got his attention. "I did a bunch of stupid shit back then, all cause I wanted to be noticed by him. But all that attention went to my little-" and michael draws in a sudden breath, pained. stays silent for a moment, working up the courage to speak. "I did something awful to my brother. All for my father. And it's an awful thing to say but his death didn't matter. Pops didnt bat an eye and Mom was too far gone by that point after Elizabeth...." he looks back in the direction of the cottage. "Well.... you know what happened to Elizabeth." Freddy's stare is hard and unyielding. "He's gone now and I was the only one who cared enough. His fuckin' abuser cared more for his passing than his own father did."

• "He threw me into the basement. Did you know that?" Michael bounces from one foot to another, anxiety written into his very bones. he's lost in his rambling now, having never spoken these words out loud to anyone. "I killed his son and he locked me away in the dark for three years." Freddy fully turns to give Michael his undivided attention, stock still, hanging off of his every word. "I got out. Eventually. I ran away and lived on the streets for years until someone got a hold of me. Told me my old man was missing, presumed dead. Got a pretty penny from the fazbear business he co-owned with Mr. Emily. Things were going good, I guess. I was overwhelmed for the most part, didn't do anything other than bounce around from hotels every few days. In some way, I felt like he was still out there, watching me. I just kept running. And then i found out about you." He glances at freddy and looks away quickly when he finds an unblinking visage staring back. "Found out about all of you. Locked away in a storage facility for over 30 years. In the dark. All alone." an incredibly long silence stretches out between them, freddy fidgeting, hyperaware of every noise going on around them.

• "You think I don't get it. But I do. I think I understand you more than anyone could." Michael's staring back at him, raw emotion across his face, eyes soft with empathy and that's what makes Freddy turn away from him. Suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't want to fight with you. Not you. Not Ballora, or Foxy, or Eli-" He visibly winces, but regains his composure. "...I just... need you to understand that I want to help."

• Freddy's never been so quiet, and it's such an odd sight. Michael's not sure if he should say anything else or if he should leave the bear alone. the bear speaks up, finally "W-We could've kill-killed you."

• "That was always a possibility, yeah. I woulda deserved it." Freddy's not sure if he likes the way Michael talks about himself sometimes. "I needed to get you guys out of there, though. That was more important than whatever could've happened to me." Michael huffs. "Besides, if I hadn't bailed you guys out then I would've never gone to Paris. Ballora has good taste in real estate, I think." and despite everything, freddy lets out a sudden breath that could've been mistaken for a sensible chuckle. Michael smiles anyway.

• Things settle down afterwards, though there's no bite to Freddy's jokes now. They're not as close as Michael wants, Freddy still keeping his distance, keeping his walls up but it's something.

• Freddy starts watching horror movies with him late into the night and until dawn. Doesn't let Michael sleep in afterwards and he might just regret this but it makes Freddy happy. Things go back to normal in the cottage, as normal as things can be for a motley troupe like them anyways. Michael starts laughing at his jokes more.

[animayelmao]

Inumaki and Curse Seals

JJK Chapter 137 Theories/Questions

I noticed something about Inumaki while reading and.... I’m a little confused about what the implications are? So, naturally, I wrote up this super long post exploring different theories, lmao

Spoilers primarily for chapter 137 of the manga, but there are definitely spoilers for further chapters. 

so... what’s going on with the bandages used on Inumaki’s injury?? When I first saw this panel, I was immediately suspicious bc his bandages/wrappings look exactly like a seal: 

I even went back to chapter 1 and the markings on Inumaki’s bandages look nearly identical to the seal on Sukuna’s finger:

The previous uses of these type of seal/talisman have been to “seal curses and mediate cursed energy,” and I can only assume that this is a possible use for the seals on Inumaki’s injuries as well.  

 So, I guess my real question is: why would they seal Inumaki’s injury? I thought about it a little more, and have come up with some possible solutions as to why:

The first (and weakest) theory is:

1. Shoko’s healing techniques use curse seals to function. Or, she just uses curse seals as bandages for injuries done by curses, as a means of preventative care. Meaning, she wrapped Inumaki’s wounds in talisman in order to ensure that no adverse reactions would come from Sukuna injuring him. 

This theory is like, the least satisfying. But it would also be super funny if it was correct, because then it would mean that I’m really just overthinking this whole thing. However, knowing Gege Akutami’s storytelling methods, it feels more important that Inumaki is wrapped up in curse seals than just “Shoko is being a cautious, good physician.” 

Additionally, Shoko’s technique apparently allows her to “restore destroyed limbs” (not sure how true this is, given that we haven’t seen it in the manga), so... why isn’t Inumaki’s limb restored?

This question leads me to my second theory:

2. Sukuna’s Domain Expansion in Shibuya really fucked Inumaki’s shit up (y’know, past the whole ‘cutting his arm off’ thing) and has left him with some bad cursed symptoms. Since his injury is sealed, this theory assumes that Sukuna’s use of his “Cleave” attack during his Domain Expansion is leeching Inumaki of his cursed energy. These paper seals, in this case, would be to “fend off poison with poison by using one curse [the talisman/seal] to seal another [Sukuna’s hypothetical Domain Expansion curse].” 

The issue with this is that nowhere in the manga has Sukuna’s “Cleave” attack left symptoms on its victim.... besides death. Cleave is a slashing attack that adjusts itself depending on the target's toughness and cursed energy level, and it usually cuts its opponent down in one fell swoop. Clearly, this was not the case with Inumaki, who seemed to have barely been in range (literally just his left arm, poor guy) of Sukuna’s Doman Expansion: 

So, is it possible that Sukuna’s use of Cleave on Inumaki’s arm is leeching him of his cursed energy and this is the reason why he needs to seal it? I’m not sure; it seems like Inumaki is literally the only survivor of Sukuna’s Cleave attack that we know of. It’s a possibility, and maybe the most probable explanation? This could also be a great explanation/justification as to why Shoko (or even Yuuta?) is unable to restore Inumaki’s limb (again, this is assuming that the jjk wiki is right in claiming that Shoko’s abilities can restore limbs)

However, I have more theories. My third (and most complex) theory is:

3. The elders/higher-ups of the Jujutsu world are terrible (duh) and are using Inumaki as an incentive for Yuuta to act according to their will. The following pages in the manga (chapter 137) seem to support this idea:

This chapter begins with Yuuta killing curses to prove to the elders that he can be trusted as Yuuji’s executioner, and that he will follow their commands. But why would Yuuta even need to gain their trust? Couldn’t they get someone else to execute Yuuji? Clearly not, if they choose Yuuta over anyone else; in my mind, this means that Yuuta is the only person strong enough to execute Sukuna’s vessel, and so, the elders need to be completely certain that Yuuta will kill Yuuji instead of joining his side. In their minds (and rightfully so, lmao), if Yuuta and Yuuji are on the same side and against them, it can mean serious trouble. 

So, clearly, the elders need to ensure that Yuuta will kill Yuuji. They even have Yuuta enter a binding vow with them to be certain that he kills Yuuji. In my mind, using Inumaki in his injured state is a perfect incentive to make sure that Yuuta follows their orders. As of right now, the specifics of the binding vow that Yuuta enters haven’t been disclosed; so, perhaps Inumaki is part of said vow? 

Binding vows with others have to benefit both parties; if Yuuta kills Yuuji (benefitting the elders), then Yuuta must also benefit from the other party in return. Given the fact that Yuuta brings up Inumaki and his injury right after proposing a binding vow, I want to assume that Yuuta’s profit from the vow would involve Inumaki in some way. Perhaps he gets access from the elders to heal Inumaki? The possibilities are endless. 

For a boy who values the relationships he has with his friends (arguably his closest friend?), using a threat towards Inumaki/the promise of helping Inumaki is the perfect motivation for Yuuta to kill Yuuji. 

Personally? This is my favourite theory because it’s angsty and I live for this kind of stuff. Not only this, but it also feels like a possibility because of the strife that’s going on in the Jujutsu world right now. If the elders can’t trust Yuuta to perform his duties as Yuuji’s exorcist, then it makes sense that they would use Inumaki as leverage to ensure that Yuuta does what he’s told to.  

But, then, even more questions are raised at this point: 

1. what do the curse seals do to Inumaki, if they are put on him?

In this case, it seems like the curse seals wouldn’t be used in the same way as the previous theory (which is to fight a hypothetical Sukuna curse off). Rather, these curse seals would probably be used to stop Inumaki from using his cursed energy entirely; just like how they stopped the cursed energy in Sukuna’s fingers early on in the story.  

This theory would explain why neither Shoko nor Yuuta could heal Inumaki’s arm-- assuming that the talisman isn’t there directly because of something that Sukuna is doing to Inumaki. We see in Volume 0 that Yuuta’s reversed curse technique saves Maki’s incredibly mangled leg and fixes it to its original state. Additionally, even more recently in Chapter 143, Yuuta uses the same technique to heal Naoya: 

This theory leads me to believe that Yuuta can (again, assuming that Sukuna isn’t actively leeching Inumaki’s cursed energy or something else) heal Inumaki’s arm, but is unable to do so because of the higher ups in the Jujutsu world. If they are using Inumaki as a pawn to ensure that Yuuta kills Yuuji, of course they wouldn’t let Yuuta heal Inumaki. (Now, this is all assuming that Yuuta is able to fix injuries hours or days after they occur, as we’ve only seen him heal injuries right after they have been done. This could be another reason why Yuuta can’t heal Inumaki’s arm, lmao).

My biggest counter to this is: what happens if Inumaki just... takes the curse seal off? wouldn’t they stop being effective?

So, (and this makes the most sense, tbh), perhaps the curse seals are there because of some funky Sukuna business (as mentioned in theory 2), which serves as a primary motivator for Yuuta to enter a vow with the elders in the first case. In this way, theory 2 and 3 would be combined. If Sukuna is hurting Inumaki in some way, the elders can be using this to coerce Yuuta into a binding vow that would help Inumaki once Yuuta carries out his executioner duties.

One of the possible problems I have with this theory is that it is maybe very contingent upon where the fuck Inumaki is even at. In chapter 144 when everyone is reunited with Maki, Inumaki isn’t there. But, Inumaki is (probably) awake and recovering from his injuries in the single panel we see of him in chapter 137. So... where is he? If he is anywhere besides at Jujutsu High, I assume he is in the possession of the higher ups. Which would explain a lot, and how particularly downtrodden Inumaki looks in the panel (besides the fact that he got his arm cut off, obviously). Yet, nobody seems too concerned about him, which maybe means that he’s probably (hopefully?) with everyone at Jujutsu High-- just offscreen with Panda or smthn). 

But, to defend this theory, Yuuta seems to be in contact with both the elders and Jujutsu High, so maybe it’s the same deal with Inumaki? Inumaki doesn’t necessarily need to be in the possession of the higher ups in order for them to infringe upon him. Especially in tumultuous times like these, in which Gojo and Principle Yaga are not there to protect the students, and there is now some sort of Culling Game going on?? Essentially, what I’m getting at is that the higher ups are extremely in power right now. Even if Inumaki isn’t with them physically, they still may have a large influence over what happens to him.     

One of the actual problems I have with this theory is that Yuuta “killing” Yuuji and being unable to supply his body would mean trouble for Inumaki. In chapter 143, Naoya gets healed by Yuuta in exchange for promising to tell his superiors that Yuuji is dead... but, would they believe this without evidence (aka, Yuuji’s body)? If they do, then good! Yuuta saves both Yuuji and Inumaki, and all is well. But if they don’t believe this and demand Yuuji’s corpse, then Inumaki is definitely in danger once the higher ups find out. Or, if the binding vow didn’t register Yuuji’s temporary death by Yuuta, that would mean great harm would be done to Inumaki, probably. 

I’m just not sure if Yuuta would even bargain Inumaki like that? But, the fact that Yuuta makes Naoya tell their superiors, rather than reporting directly to them himself seems to prove that Yuuta believes Naoya’s word is enough. Regardless, Yuuta seems confident that the binding vow he made with the superiors was completed by “killing” Yuuji-- regardless of whether Inumaki is involved with the vow or not.

Granted, it seems that Yuuta has changed a bit since coming back, so we’ll see. Maybe he is extremely confident in himself now, to the extent that he is willing to bargain something like Inumaki’s wellbeing in a binding vow. Who knows?

Of course, I have to confess that I understand that I am giving little mind to translation when giving these theories; I read the English translated version of the manga, so I can only make assumptions with the material I have. Maybe I’m missing something crucial because of this?

Anyways. These are the theories I have right now! I know this post was extremely long-winded, but if I didn’t write all this out, I was going to Explode. This is literally all I have been thinking about since I saw the panel with Inumaki. If anyone else wants to talk about this by adding to my ideas or poking holes in them, PLEASE do. I need to know that I’m not the only person thinking about this, omg.

[captainofthetidesbreath]

Hey, I like to know your input on Vandren. i went through your posts about him hurting Fjord but I do not remember Fjord was ever cruel towards him. I can kinda see him being distant, but I do not see a toxic man. Again, I could just be blind to that sort of thing and I am not trying to start a fight, I just would like you insight.

as a general note on this topic, I do have a post on Vandran written right before the hiatus taking a general view of his character based on information we had from the campaign and Talks by 2.99 at this link.

Also, I received this ask before 2.131, so keep that in mind.

We’re actually in agreement about the sort of person Vandran is, anon! I emphatically do NOT see Vandran as a toxic person, simply flawed and at times hurtful. There’s a very wide gap between being hurtful and being toxic. I think it’s possible to be hurtful without being cruel or toxic. It’s possible to be hurtful without malice, without intent to harm. And, most of all, I think it possible for those who have given us the world and many keys to our lives to also hurt us in the same moment. “They were hurtful” is not at all the same as “they are toxic” or “they are a bad person”.

As a disclaimer, my view of Vandran softened over time as we’ve seen more of Fjord navigating the rest of his experiences, which in turn sheds light on this relationship, and heard Travis talk more about Vandran. From the beginning, I’ve found Vandran a complicated man, but never terrible and horrific, simply more flawed than Fjord initially saw him—but my opinion indeed softened, so some of my oldest posts on the topic take a harder stance than I have now.

But, I always argued against the idea that Vandran is a cruel, toxic, horrible person who was unkind and all besides to Fjord. As you say, we never had indications of that sort of picture of him. Distant, absolutely, but never cruel and mean.

Vandran has given a lot to Fjord. He’s given him opportunity, direction, attention, care—all in a moment where nobody else was willing to give it to him. I even truly believe that Vandran held affection for him but wasn’t able to ever properly express it to Fjord, due to personality flaws and his position as captain. I know this ask was sent before the latest episode, but there’s a gentleness in the way that Vandran decides he wanted to tell Fjord to take care of himself.

But we know that Fjord learned his own emotional distance and disconnect from Vandran, we know that he taught Fjord that stoicism and act of “putting no a brave face”, we know that he taught Fjord that his problems were his own to bear. These things all hurt Fjord—they directly created the constraints that Fjord finds himself drowning in for much of the campaign and cultivated Fjord’s inability to be emotionally honest and vulnerable with himself and others.

And none of that is a moral assessment of Vandran’s character. It’s not an indictment—despite how much I joke about taking a belaying pin to Vandran’s knee, it’s literally in the same way I joked during Rumblecusp about how Essek better be sweating and nervous in his traitor timeout, i.e. just jokes about bopping fictional characters on the head for less than ideal behavior. It’s not at all saying that Vandran is awful and horrible and terrible. @hit-it-or-crit-it said to me last week that Vandran is someone who recalls a lot of early Nein: they’re sort of assholes, they mean well, they have reasons they’re assholes, they still say and do hurtful things, they’re working their shit out, they’re doing their genuine best.

I cannot overstate enough: I do not think Vandran was a toxic influence on Fjord’s life, and I’ve taken issue with the more extreme speculation I’ve seen in very small corners of fandom prior to the Sendings in 2.131 that Vandran was even emotionally abusive. It is absolutely not those things. Being at times hurtful to someone is not the same as being toxic to them, and it is not the same as being a bad person.

The crucial thing with Vandran, and what I think MAKES it a fascinating relationship, is that it’s not a toxic relationship at all, nor is Vandran a toxic and bad person. This is not an arc about Fjord’s relationship with a person who is bad for him. It’s an arc about recognizing the harmful things those who mentored you, even mentored you otherwise very well, handed down and learning how to grow out of those things even as you continue to treasure the good they did you. It’s about how complicated people and our relationships with them are.

It’s about someone who meant so well for Fjord and gave him so much, truly—but who also modeled a lot of harmful things that Fjord internalized and caused Fjord to suffer in the long-run. That’s what I mean when I say Vandran has been hurtful.

Simply, he taught things to Fjord that hurt him in the end. Nothing more, nothing less.

[stardustedknuckles]

Like hand in hand with The Trumpet Saga in terms of things I don't talk about is that from the moment I picked up the trumpet as a ten year old and demonstrated unprecedented ability, my life had a plan. My parents put things they wanted on hold so that I could have the best instructors in the state come visit to work with me. I played professional gigs alongside my tutors that I had to be driven to because I wasn't old enough for a license. My identity was "that trumpet player who's going places, wherever they want. That kid that put this school on the map, we're so proud of them." And when that all came crashing down... I mean I'd never been confident in my abilities, let alone a showoff, but I did take for granted that everything would be okay because I had this support system that had been guiding me for my entire musical life and that was just. Gone. Senior year. They let me fall bc I made them look bad at an audition that went very wrong. Never talked to me again unless directly spoken to. I dunno how to explain what that's like at 17.

I just had to go to college after that, find something else to major in because the thought of my talent made me sick. Playing French horn was just me trying to forge my own relationship to music outside of being the best but eventually it became clear that I had to either go all in and go back or walk away. And I walked away.

People ask sometimes if I wish I'd majored in music or regret going with English instead and no, I don't. It's not that I wanted to major in music but felt held back, it's that everything music ever meant to me was ash. I didn't want anything to do with it. I'm still not sure if the issue has to do with music or with trust but I don't really do either anymore. so.

I have a cheap ukulele. I suck at it but it's fun sometimes.

Watching something as ~dumb~ as a kids show wherein one character tells another it's clear they don't want to heal - and that person being surprised to hear it because they thought they did, they really thought that's what they wanted. Hmm.

Some days I think I'd give anything to care that much about playing again or to be able to trust so easily that people mean it when they say they're looking out for me, but for the most part I've made a life I'm comfortable in despite everything. I've accepted that purpose can be a harmful way to look at things and that the world is open to me - but I see yasha, given her freedom and immediately chasing a pain she's familiar with and I see korra, back on her feet and despairing over her presumed purpose on one hand and holding poison inside her with the other, and I look between them and Caleb, whom I've never touched about this for very obvious reasons, and I just go "well shit. Back to writing and processing literally anything else."

I don't have a point and like I said I don't talk about it much. But sometimes I feel the enormity of the upheaval it caused in my life and sometimes I think about what it might look like to try and process it and every now and then something happens to cause both at once.

[emberwritesinsight]

Marinette and Burdens: a possibly-veering-out-of-canon-territory-meta.

Alright, time to unpack a bit of emotional vulnerability that I've managed to string together from implications that the writers probably didn't even intend because the writers are not interested in Marinette having feelings that are valid and respected.

Disclaimer: the writing is inconsistent and I'm going with a read of Marinette's character that may not fall in line with everything in canon, but I'm fine with that because canon can't even fall in line with itself half the time.

We know, from a line that was played as a joke in the first episode (I know the Bubbler is first in some airings but to be clear, the episode I'm talking about is Stormy Weather), that Marinette has trouble saying "no". She clearly didn't want to babysit, and she seems to have had bad experiences with it in the past. But she says she just "couldn't say no", with a look of guilt on her face.

At the end of the episode she manages to say no to Manon, but an interesting thing to note is that she wouldn't have been refusing Manon by refusing to babysit, she would have been refusing Manon's mother. Now, at the time I assumed this was a side effect of her almost pathological niceness- after all, being kind and accommodating can sometimes slide into being a doormat if taken too far. But combined with the other stuff... Well.

(It should be noted that Marinette seems to have trouble with specifically saying no to services, not in general. She says no to Chat Noir on the regular, so it's an important distinction.

We also know that Marinette usually has no problems with the concept of being Ladybug- any doubts she has are more linked to her doubting her ability to protect people rather than the fact that she is a teenager being expected to carry the weight of the city and the world and that's kind of screwed up when you think about it. Now, the writing reason for this is simple: the show is marketed towards kids, so the hero is someone aged closer to the target audience. But I'm beginning to suspect there's an in-universe reason as well, and then we get to Gamer 2.0.

And OH BOY, does this episode have IMPLICATIONS.

The civilian plot of this episode is, to put it simply, that Marinette has too much on her plate. I'm not even going to TRY to tackle the ending of that episode because I would just start ranting, but suffice it to say, it would've been better if it were about time management.

Marinette's inability to say no to a job is back in full swing in this episode, although it's more implied than stated. She only refuses to a task once she is so loaded that it would be quite literally impossible to take on any more work.

The interesting thing about Marinette's packed schedule compared to say, Adrien's, is that it's implied she took on all that responsibility by choice. The schoolwork was unavoidable, but the t-shirt making? The album cover? Surely those could have been arranged differently.

Marinette is on the brink of collapse in this episode, but still she never gets angry at the people who put this stress on her- not once does she complain about the school giving too much homework, for example.

Look, I'll say it straight right here. I think Marinette has serious issues with knowing how much responsibility she should take on. In general, throughout the series, unless it directly grinds against her moral compass, Marinette is helpful to a fault.

And the strangest thing is, this doesn't seem to be her natural instinct all the time. People forget this, but she was actively arguing with Chloe over the Seat Thing™ in Origins. She actively antagonizes Lila multiple times. She is not universally sweet and accommodating. Which frankly makes this dysfunction of hers even more concerning.

Which brings us to Marinette's relationship with responsibility.

The fact is, Marinette's relationship with responsibility is toxic and it is slowly killing her mental health. She both willingly takes on a ridiculous amount of work and lets people force it on her. She takes on the weight of being Ladybug and keeping it a secret, even though we see that she doesn't like having to lie to her loved ones. Honestly, I would be lashing out at Tikki and later Master Fu for putting her in this position if I were her.

Marinette thinks it is her job to do everything, fix everything. She doesn't refuse or reschedule a job because she's convinced it would genuinely hurt the person she is saying no to. That she would actually be causing harm by prioritizing her comfort and mental health over what other people need her to do.

Now, if you're like me, you're probably reading that that and thinking:

"Wow, if that's really how her brain works, than becoming a superhero, a job where not doing it will literally cost people their lives, whose power is to literally fix everything might not have been good for her mental health."

And you would be 100% right! Because that mindset is super, SUPER unhealthy and I'm convinced being Ladybug made it exponentially worse. And even assuming she wasn't like this pre-series (which I doubt), she definitely is now.

I'm going to be honest, if she was like this pre-series, I don't know why, not for certain. But considering the kinds of teachers Francois DuPont employs, who encourage their students to take responsibility for resolving conflict and setting a good example, I myself have made a few assumptions. But what I do know is that this is some seriously unhealthy, self-destructive shit.

And it is reinforced by EVERYONE.

Tikki, Fu, Ms. Bustier, Chat Noir, EVERYONE expects Marinette to take on more of a burden than she can reasonably handle. And somewhere along the line, Marinette accepted that herself.

"I am the servant hero. It's my job to do this. If I don't, who will? "

The answer to that ending question should obviously be, "a responsible adult". But the ML universe doesn't seem to have those, so.

Marinette is, barring strange writing decisions, a kind and helpful person. And these two objectively good qualities, ESPECIALLY the latter, have been twisted so far by circumstance that it is downright scary. Honestly, I'd say it's only a matter of time before she shatters completely.

Now, this isn't to say this is the only explanation. Marinette's poor time management, for example, could be another symptom of her heavily implied ADHD. But I felt like going the darker route today.

[koshicoast]

Randomly thought of but MHA except Bakugou’s hatred for Deku isnt because he’s quirkless. Bakugou doesn’t hate or is prejudice towards quirkless people, he hates weak people

AU where Bakugou is still somewhat the same as in canon but his feelings and thoughts come from a different mindset

Growing up his parents taught him that a quirk doesn’t make a person stronger, the person makes a quirk strong

This leads him to train in not only with his quirk but also in various areas that could potentially come up during hero work (lock picking, reading body language, shit like that) bc if he’s weak then so is his quirk

If you’re wondering how a child is learning all of this, this is Bakugou-fucking-Katsuki. If he wants something, he’s gonna get it even if it means he has to go through hell.

Luckily in this AU, his parents aren’t neglectful or shitty!! they indulged in his whims more of them than not!!

They’re both famous fashion designers and have a lot of connections when it comes to ‘high end society’ so if katsuki wants to learn how to dress to kill or something like that, they already have it set up for him!

The Bakugou’s teach their little victory all of their tricks and tips about how to theoretically make clothes that have extra space for weapons (they know his desire to be a hero and while they’re a little worried they’re just happy he’s being prepared for the long run.) They don’t actually make clothes for him to hide weapons, they verbally tell him how to do something and tips but they leave it up to him to complete the task to a proficient level

They also let their coworkers teach Bakugou stuff, anything their kid would find important or somewhat interesting (taking pictures is boring but learning how to take clear pictures of a loving target is interesting)

Many models, photographers and people who know the Bakugous have basically adopted Katsuki as their feral child since many of them are unable to have their own kids due to their work

Now, Bakugou has learned things about body language (how to read it), how to fake his confidence, sewing, stitching, how to dress for any situation, etc from his parents and their coworkers

However while those skills are important for him (he has a plan to be the best and he can’t be the best if he’s lacking in skills) he needs to know how to fight hand to hand without a quirk or how to pick locks or how to pickpocket (who knows, maybe he’ll have to steal something from a villain!!)

He doesn’t tell his parents what his specific plans are but he does tell him he’s gonna do training on his own

Now normal parents would be worried but for the sake of the AU let’s just say that katsuki’s parents work on the mentality that ‘their child is strong and even if he gets knocked down, he’ll be right back up. He’s a Bakugou.’

Bakugou’s never give up, it’s not in their blood to give up.

So, Bakugou, feral child, goes off on his own to experience a real fight with people who won’t care if they hurt him or to find someone to teach him how to pick a lock or pickpocket

Most of the adults he’s met are just amused by this kid so they too indulge him and his demands

Especially those who spar with him, Bakugou has made it clear that if he feels like they’re holding back he’ll make it so they can’t afford to anymore

(Yes this isn’t always a good thing but what matters is that he’s survived and somewhat friends with a bunch of shady people)

(They’ll tell you that they’re friends, Bakugou thinks that they’re worthy opponents)

Now this leads me to his relationship with deku

Originally he didn’t actually hate Deku when it’s announced that he’s quirkless, why would he? The nerd just has to get strong and it’ll be fine!

Deku isnt weak because he doesn’t have a quirk just like how Bakugou isn’t strong just because he has a quirk

That mentality lasts for 3 seconds

he starts to hate how the green boy lets that determine his future of being a hero or not

Deku being quirkless isn’t a problem. Deku allowing himself to be weak because he’s quirkless is a problem.

He just gets so frustrated with deku that he eventually just pulls away. He doesn’t want to hang out with someone who doesn’t work towards a goal, blood, sweat, tears and all that.

Deku wanting to be a hero is funny to Bakugou because deku is weak, the nerd let’s people step all over him especially Bakugou

To Bakugou, if deku just stood up for himself for once then he’d respect him

For obvious reasons, Midoriya does not know this and everyone including him assumes Bakugou just hates him because he’s quirkless

(The only exceptions is Bakugou’s parents because they have the same mindset and Inko because her and Mitski are best friends so she’s more than aware of their thought process)

For reasons, Bakugou’s ‘bullying’ is more like taunts and if he does use his quirk he never directly harms Midoriya (he just wants to push the kid to act not kill him) this also means he never tells deku to kill himself

Midoriya firmly believes Bakugou hates him and acts more or less the same as he does in canon

However he doesn’t see how the blonde will text inko to let her know when Midoriya is having a really bad day or how Bakugou wards off students who want to seriously harm him

Is this an excuse to write about Bakugou acting as a ‘reluctant older sibling who just wants the best for the younger but doesn’t know how to verbalize it so their actions come off as bullying or the likes’ and Midoriya being the ‘younger sibling who is terrified of their older sibling but still admires them greatly yet will never say that out loud because they’re convinced said older sibling hates them’? Maybe

Needless to say, this leads to an interesting conversation when the topic of quirkless people comes up during class

Bakugou scowls as he feels his classmates’ stares burn into his skull. He turns around with sneer, his palms popping. “What?” He manages to ask through gritted teeth. All without blowing up too.

His dad is gonna be so proud.

“W-well..” Shitty hair stammers, looking uncomfortable as he shifts in his chair. (The only reason why he doesn’t immediately get blown up is because Bakugou likes him. He’s man enough to admit he’s got a crush but like hell is he gonna do anything about. What he’s not gonna do though? Blow up said crush.)

“Y’know how you are!” Dunce Face blurts out, Tape Face elbowing his stomach harshly as Pinky hisses a not so quiet ‘not cool dude!’ . Now the others are exchanging shifty glances and from how reluctant they are to meet his eyes, he already has a good idea what this is about.

“Yeah yknow we’re just

“Yeah?” His eyes narrow with disdain as his ugly scowl softens into a calculating frown and he tilts his head just slightly. His arms crossed across his chest while he forces his body to relax. It takes just a few seconds but his aura changes from the ‘typical bad boy delinquent’ vibe he usually has going on and turns into something much more. It works wonders and he has a brief flashback from a conversation he had as a kid.

“You want to be intimadating? Don’t shout, don’t fire off your explosions, don’t give any reaction. Be cold, be caculating. Be dangerous little one. Being quiet is the most dangerous one can get.”

He has the electric blonde pinned under his look and faintly he can hear a ‘oh shit’ from a few seats away. He knows what he looks like, practiced the fuck out of this particular stare that a Russian model taught him all those years ago when he went on a fashion trip with his parents.

“I’ll teach you how to be scary little firecracker. Make us proud, you’re our little victory.”

Models, he muses privately as he watches the boy sweat bullets, are as dangerous as they are pretty. It takes a few moments of tense silence before someone eventually breaks and unsurprisingly it’s fucking half-n-half. He doesn’t have a real issue with daddy issues but he’s got a bone to pick with the tea kettle lover after the whole incident at the sports festival. The thought of fighting him is enough to get his blood going.

“They thought you’d hate quirkless people.” Hot Water fucker says, face void of any emotion and voice monotone. Ever since being friends with the nerd, IcyHot has gotten a lot better at speaking up when normally he’d just ignore everything. (Now if only shitty deku could pound some emotion that’d be great.)

Even though he’d expect it, he can’t help but laugh.“Why would I hate quirkless people?” He questions, raising a perfect brow. He drops his arms, an elbow perched up on Midoriya’s desk as his cheek rests on his open palm. He watches them falter, hesitation in their eyes. He decides to add fuel to fire, “One of my favorite people in this world is quirkless. She works for my parents as a secretary, I visit her every time I go.”

He doesn’t bother to listen to the responses, snapping his head and making direct eye contact with the nerd. “I hate people who have potential but let others tell them where they belong. It’s pathetic and sad. They should go get some fucking dignity, you think having a quirk is any better than not having one? It’s like having an arm, it’s the norm but if you don’t got it doesn’t mean you’re broken.” His words come out even despite the frustration building under his skin, he sees how Deku’s eyes widen in some kind of realization so he forces himself to pull his gaze away before landing onto Pony Tail. He doesn’t have an issue with her and actually likes her a lot better than the others but her confidence is so low it offends him, especially since he sees her as an opponent. Her eyes grow big and he can tell she’s nervous but before he can change his mind, his mouth opens. Oops.

The idiots practically brought this upon themselves. Reap what you sow dumbasses.

He just goes off and everyone is just stunned because they had this idea of him but that completely crumbled as soon as he started to reveal some of his thoughts and opinions

(Kirishima always kinda knew Bakugou was like this just bc I say so)

I know where this was going but now I do not lmao

Anyways he said his peace and it’s all quiet as people take in what he said and Ofc mineta decides to say something

“I don’t wanna hear that from a villain!” The diaper baby shrieks loudly, the grape fucker’s finger shaking as he points at him. Now usually, Bakugou has no problem with blasting the little pervert and calling it a day but he’s not quite done giving the literal talk down of a century just yet.

“Listen here you sex offender in training” He sneers and he takes great pleasure in seeing the other tremble in fear. “Wanna know why people shut the fuck up when I talk? Why people bother to take my advice? Why compared to me, you’re just a coward that no one besides the class’s resident sunshine trio will ever look at twice?” He asks, getting up slowly. No one stops him as he takes a step forward.

“Because I say actually fucking matters.” Step. “What I say is based off of experience and talent.” Step. “If you’re lucky then maybe the shit you spew will be worth something because it’s not worth anything here.” He finally makes it to his desk, towering over the other.

“You don’t like what I gotta say? Deal with it. I’ll continue to talk my shit to everyone and anyone because I can back it up. Can you? You fought any villains recently like teach over there? You go through some sudden growth and expand your moral compass like glasses? You fight and protect a little girl from the yakuza recently like Deku and Shitty hair? How bout deal with a shitty dad or shitty parenrs like IcyHot and Eyebags? What? Piss baby too scared now? Yeah, where were you when we were fighting for our lives? Were you there when Pikachu and Tape Face and Racoon Eyes fought against the villains in USJ?” He questions but everyone knows he’s not asking for an answer. “You there when birdbrain almost got kidnapped? You there when I got kidnapped? No? Then do everyone a fucking favor and shut the fuck up or I swear to whatever god you believe in, I’ll shove my fist down your throat and into your pathetic body and explode you so badly they’ll be scrapping off your guts for days.”

Needless to say, it was an interesting class

[casualotptrash]

Fixes to the Persona Series- Social Links

This was originally going to be the whole point 6 in my Fixes to the Persona Series post, but it was basically the same length as points 1-5 combined so I didn’t want to make the post mega-huge.

Link to the whole post about this topic.

(Spoilers for a lot of P3 things, including the plot and second awakenings) 

I’ll start off with this point, something that needs to be fixed for all of the games is that you shouldn’t only get social link points for saying what the person wants to hear. I get the train of thought that if you say what they want to hear they will like you more, but that’s not how real friendships work? Obviously you shouldn’t be saying something that offends them and think it will raise your points, but sometimes people just need to hear things?

I can think of three standout examples: Nozomi in P3 (Gourmet King), Mishima in P5, and Shinya in P5. Nozomi’s link is a hot mess in of itself, but it was very frustrating to at one point just be like “Hey can you chill?” when he’s trying to induct you into a scam/cult or whatever, and it reverses the social link. Like ok buddy fuck you too, I was just trying to say no and that you need to stop scamming people?? For Mishima in P5 (I’ll go more in depth on him in a later post), it’s just kind of strange that you can clearly see him starting to obsess about the PT’s but you can’t really tell him he needs to stop until the social link demands it. Even then, the only way to get points is pretty much to go “Wow Mishima, you’re the best! You’re the reason we exist! We love you!!!” and it just feels kind of wrong. Shinya’s is very much along the same line as that, except you basically have to do something even worse and encourage him to keep being a bully? Thankfully P5 doesn’t reverse confidants, but I probably would have done so with Shinya because I kept telling him he shouldn’t bully others until I realized how to get points with him. It just feels wrong to encourage such behavior until the character suddenly realizes they’ve been acting wrong. No shit, I’ve been trying to say that.

I think social links need quite the fix to them, but this is definitely one of them. Strong, real relationships are not just built upon telling the other person what they want to hear. 

Now I’m going to go into the structure of how social links are made and how they affect the characters. I have so much to say about this it’s not even funny. There are two major parts to this, but the second heavily ties into the first, so I’ll just go through them one at a time while trying to make sense.

The first part is that, simply put, integral character growth should not be tied to social links. The completion/tipping point of a character’s growth seems to be signified by their second awakening taking place. For example, in P3, all of the cast members awaken after a big event happens in game which causes them to grow. Most of this is them learning how to move on past the deaths of their loved ones, but still the idea remains the same. The game still has some pretty significant social links with party members too, so it’s not like the social links really suffered from this. In fact, I would say it made the social links even better, and it did this by fleshing out the characters further.

For this example, I’m going to use Akihiko’s growth from the story and social link in P3P because I feel like I know it quite well and it’s one of the best examples of this.

In the main story, it’s clear that Akihiko has a couple of problems. He’s quick to fight, reckless with his own health, and cant let go of the past. Along with these traits, he also cares very much about his friends. He considers Tartarus to be a training ground, is actually injured for the first few months of the game, scolds the MC, Junpei, and Yukari a bit for going out to the alleyway (where Shinji saved them) because it was dangerous, and desparately wants Shinji to rejoin SEES. Him and Shinji, on multiple occasions, talk about the incident where Shinji killed Ken’s mother. Akihiko says that Shinji needs to let go of the past, and Shinji echoes the same sentiment back at him.

What all of these problems step from is the death of his sister, Miki. They were both young and orphans, along with Shinji, and one day during a fire Shinji held Akihiko back from running back into the burning building. Inside the burning building was Miki, who Akihiko was trying to get to, and sadly she died in the fire (I’m pretty sure all of this isn’t revealed until P3P with his social link, but in any version of the game we find out that Miki is dead). Because of this, he felt powerless and from then on strived to be powerful enough to save those around him, which is why he’s obsessed with training to such a degree that he doesn’t care about personal harm to himself.

All of this eventually comes to a head when Shinji dies in the story, and Akihiko isn’t able to save him. At a memorial for his death, Akihiko says this:

“I was too obsessed with power. Ever since I lost Miki, that's all I've cared about. I thought that if I was strong enough, I could protect anyone. But I was wrong... And now You're gone too... I'm such an idiot. In battle, there's always a chance of dying... I knew that! But I was so focused on fighting that I didn't notice anything else! It didn't matter how tough I was! Look what happened!”

He cries for his friend, and then is reminded that this is not what Shinji would want. He would want him to keep living his life, and finally let go of the ghosts of his past. So, this is what he does. At that point, his character growth basically reaches its climax and he awakens to Caesar. This all happens in the main story of the game.

Now, how did they decide to do his social link in P3P? Personally, I think it was genius. Due to all of that growth being integral to the main story, they could not just take it out and shove it into a social link. They had to find another thing to make the social link about, and instead of making it about something pointless they connect it to the main growth in the game. (Note, this social link is only available in the FeMC route)

In general, what his social link is about mirrors his growth in the main story a lot. In the beginning, he treats the MC with an overwhelming sense of care, almost to a condescending degree. You’re always going out to eat, him saying how much you need to eat to grow strong, and jogging/running with him. Taking out the more romantic parts of the social link (although they are *chefs kiss*), eventually it progresses to the point where he asks you if you can stop being the field leader of SEES. Of course, he immediately takes this back and laments that you couldn’t just do that. You have the option to question if he thinks you arent good enough for the job, and he quickly says that the MC is capable, and he didn’t mean to imply that you werent, but he doesn’t want you to be in danger. The social link is frozen after this, as Akihiko doesn’t know how to balance his overwhelming worry and concern about the MC being hurt.  

After Shinji’s death, the social link continues and he reveals the event of Miki’s death. At one point even says he feels like he doesn’t deserve to live because she died. It’s a very sad event, but because of his resolution from the main story with Shinji’s death he is able to open up to the MC. In the end, he comes to the conclusion that he’ll never get over the anger and sadness he feels for his sister’s death, and he accepts that she is dead, but he feels guilty because he wanted to ask you to bear this burden with him. He also starts to wonder what his feelings toward the MC mean, because he is very conflicted, and admits he might be seeing Miki in you (hence the overwhelming protecting nature he has for you in the link, and slightly condescending big-brother tendencies).

In his rank 9, he admits that he was tired of losing what was important to him. He thought that it would be better not to let things get too important, rather than risk losing them. He realizes this is wrong, and says he now knows he needs to work to protect everything precious from him. If the romance route was taken then he sees you as a precious loved one, while if the romance route is not taken he likens you to the status of Miki, aka a precious sister to him.

As you can see from the synopsis, a lot of what was in the social link is directly tied into his main growth in the story, however it is also not integral to his main growth. It stems off of it, not the other way around. Whoever made the extra social links in P3P did an amazing job at doing this exact thing, perhaps because they couldn’t change the growth in the main story. Either way, it’s a perfect example of how social links should be done.

If you’re interested in watching the growth from the social link directly, here is the link: Akihiko social link rank 1-10

You might be thinking, how is this issue really that big of a problem? Akihiko was a great character before his P3P social link, so if the growth is there either way (in story or social link) then it should be fine. My answer to this is in short, as the series progressed from P3 this problem got worse to the point where it negatively impacts the characters. The reason this got worse and impacts the characters so much, especially with the ones from P5, is because of the nature of how social links are set up. Obviously, social links are optional. They have to be, because not everyone is going to finish all of them in one run. This presents the unique issue of needing to make social links meaningful, but also not necessary. I would think anyone who reads that sentence would immediately understand how those two things do not mix well, especially when almost all of the important character growth is pushed into the social link. I’ll be using the social links (party members specifically) in P5 as my example to illustrate this because they’re the best for this.

At the very best, party member confidants in P5 feel like they contribute a good bit of character development alongside the story (on the surface). At the very worst, confidants in P5 feel like they actively contradict the story. Ann is probably the best example of this, but it happens to the rest of the main cast too, to varying degrees. I’m not as familiar with Ann’s confidant as Akihiko’s, but I’m going to try and do my best.

Essentially, Ann’s confidant is about finding her passion, becoming a stronger person, and overcoming her guilt. Outside of the occasional discussions about Shiho, how strong she is, and Ann discussing how she needs to become strong for her, one of the main things you do in the confidant is help Ann use various methods to be a better model (because she comes to the conclusion that she wants to be serious about modeling, her hobby, since Shiho is trying so hard to get back to her normal life). I have played Persona 5 vanilla twice, and Royal twice, and every time I have completed Ann’s confidant. That being said, it’s kind of sad that I could do it four times and barely remember the “becoming a stronger person” and “overcoming her guilt” part of it (outside of Ann saying Shiho is strong, and Ann asking us to insult her to make her stronger). She does have a very good conclusion with Shiho, and it’s is really sweet to see them hug on the roof and everything, but other than that the main outcome of the confidant is that Ann is going to really try for her modeling career and needs to change her habits because of this. Some of those habits she changes is by eating less junk food, exercising, etc.

Here’s where the issue comes in. You go through this whole confidant and have Ann come to that conclusion, and then throughout multiple scenes (and the rest of the story) Ann adheres to none of it. It’s the most whiplash I’ve ever experienced when one day Ann says she’s going to cut the sweets, and then the next something happens in game and she’s just chowing down on all of the food. To be clear, I do not care if Ann is eating a lot of a little in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, this is just an example that illustrates the total tonal dissonance present from the social link to the main story.

The whole reason this occurs is because, like I said earlier, the confidant has to be meaningful but not necessary to the plot. This is a major problem when pretty much the whole reason for her character growth, the plot with Shiho, is in the confidant. No matter if you do the confidant or not, in the story the characters will always act as if the confidant plot has not happened at all...because they physically cannot write it into the main story as it is optional. The reason this worked with Akihiko was because he had his main growth outside of the social link, and the social link tied into his growth, and the reason this doesn’t work for the P5 cast is because their growth is set up in the opposite way. Instead of tying their main growth in the story to the confidant, the story acts as a stepping stone for their main growth in story of the confidant.

I predict some people might read what I just said and counter with the point “You cant just expect their whole personalities to change,” and they would be right, if that was what I was explaining. It’s not. Obviously base personality traits are always going to be present, but the reason for having character growth is for the characters to grow. Futaba can always be more shy and timid around others, but if you go through her whole confidant where she learns to be more independent and then later on have her go somewhere and completely shut down? That is not growth. Her change can manifest in her being shy about going somewhere new, but adapting to it a lot quicker than she did before the confidant was completed. But, like I said, because of how the confidants are set up this is just not possible.

It took this long to get here, but we finally arrive at how the second point ties in. The second point is that, because of this issue with tying in integral growth with the social link, the characters end up being very one-note in the story (if you take out the inclusion of the social link). In my opinion, P3 doesn’t really suffer from this (although there still are bland characters in that game. Sometimes the writing is just not that exciting. Sorry Fuuka, you’re better in the spinoffs), P4 suffers from it a little (Teddie talking about girls 90% of the time, Yukiko laughing at everything, Meat Chie, etc.), and P5 has the most rampant cases of this.

This doesn’t mean that the characters are not well written, it just means that the game is going to be way more enjoyable if you are able to max everyone’s social link in comparison to only maxing a few. Putting aside the gameplay benefits, I usually love my NG+ runs more than my first run because it allows me to see all of the characters so much more.

I know that all of the characters could be shoved into stereotypical boxes if we had to, but we basically don’t need to for P5. If you do not do any confidants with party members in P5, tell me how many times Ryuji shows his remorseful and caring side for the trouble he has caused the track team in the main story. Oh wait, you can’t! He’s pushed around as the proverbial butt-monkey for almost the entire game, and at least Junpei and Yosuke got some deeper interaction with the story when they were in this role. If you only experience Ryuji from the main plot, you’d probably want to throttle him with how many times he ogles at Ann, argues with Morgana, tries to pick up girls, and shouts about being a Phantom Thief and wanting fame.

I will admit, they do have some deep moments here and there, when the main story calls for it, but other than that (again, without doing the social link) the PT’s kind of have as much characterization as a piece of cardboard. This is a big problem, especially when the cast is full of great characters! I played P5 4 times, and it still isn’t my favorite cast. There are some really good characters in there, but they just could not compare to the P3 cast for me (even though P3 was filled with a lot of highs and a lot of lows). Yukari was kind of a bitch and I didn’t like her for a long time, but at least I felt something! Poor Haru is just shoved off into a corner and characterized as the “team mom but would kill you, sad her father died, also has a crush on you” for the whole game unless you do her confidant.

Jury is still out on the P4 cast, because I see a little bit of what P3 had going on and what P5 does in them. Every time Yosuke is talking about something serious or profound I get really excited, only for it to be followed up with some dumb (usually homophobic) joke. I like the extra interactions the P4 cast has in comparison to P5, but even in those situations it feels like each member is kind of cast into their stereotypical role (Teddie want pussy, Yukiko laugh, Chie meat, etc.). I imagine once I do finish P4G and get to do my NG+ I will like the cast a lot more, but only because I will be able to do all of their social links.

Despite all of this, whether a character from the game has great growth or not, you can always count on Atlus to flanderize each character into their one “defining” (aka memed) trait to hell and back in any spinoff.

Sorry, don’t mind me crying in the corner with how Akihiko was massacred from a deep character into a protein junkie.

[newhologram]

I know only a few of you are on IG so I wanted to give an update here on the past few days. I am doing this knowing the potential risk but I need to also record where I'm at right now in case anything weird happens.

My week has been like this so far. Sunday: Family Member 1 misplaced their Xbox controller. They kept asking me if I knew where it was, each time growing more and more aggressive. I don't have an Xbox, I reminded them. I have my own controller for my PC. But they kept knocking loudly on my door. They followed me outside where I was vaping and tried to accuse me of I don't even know what. Pawning off their controller? FM1 said, "Is there something going on that you're not telling me? SOMEONE'S messing with me!" Later that night they and their gf were making dinner. FM1 suddenly knocked harshly on my door and said aggressively, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE OVEN MITTS" in an angry voice. I was already stressed from them harassing me earlier about the controller. I came out of my room, heart racing, and told them I had not used them that day. I helped find the mitts, which had fallen behind the trash can because the hanging hook had broken. I went to bed on edge, feeling unsafe and targeted, wondering why my family member was suddenly acting so paranoid and accusing me of misplacing their things... Something they actually have done to me my whole life, denying it until the moment my item is found, when they suddenly remember they did move it there (or accidentally throw it out/destroy it). The controller ended up being some random place in the living room. Monday: I went to leave for my acupuncture appointment. My booster seat/pillow thing was missing from my car. Not in the trunk or anything. I cannot drive without it. I'm too short to see over the steering wheel. I called FM1 and they have no idea where it could be, despite the fact that they drive my car every day. FM1's gf helped find it, in the garage. But I still had an epic fucking meltdown, sobbing the whole way to and from my appointment. I just cannot handle people moving my shit and disrupting my schedule like that. And it just hurt so much more knowing that FM1 was so awful to me the day before about their stuff being misplaced. I'm always having my personal belongings, my feelings, my personhood, disrespected. It hurts deeply. When I got home I stressed to them that this is my car, and my accommodation should not ever be removed from it under any circumstances. It was after this that I decided it was time to hold a family meeting. I called Family Member 2 and 3 over to the house. I read a long letter to them in which I told them about the talks I have had with my therapist, psychiatrist, and another psychologist. Even though I cannot be formally assessed and diagnosed at this time, I am being treated for autism. I detailed to my family my entire life of trauma that is traced back directly to my autistic traits, and my needs not only not being met, but being outright denied. I was denied empathy most of my life for my sensory issues, my pain, everything. A big part of this is gaslighting. Even if it's unintentional or not malicious, gaslighting is incredibly traumatic. Especially when it comes to my sensory issues. I have had even more problems with overstimulation the past year which means I can barely sleep, so my daily naps are even more important. I try to coordinate my naps when there is less activity in my house. But if I'm in a ton of pain and extra sensitive and ask for quiet, that's when I get in trouble and a fight happens. That's when FM1 tells me I "need to be realistic" and "can't expect the whole world to shut up for you"... when I'm literally saying "I have a migraine and need to rest, can you please not play loud music or slam cupboards in the kitchen for a few hours?"

I was emotionally neglected and abused by both parents. A lot of it is just the result of their own trauma that they have not dealt with... But I have also been physically threatened and assaulted by them at different times, though it only happened those specific times. (They won't ever admit to it though.) The emotional and mental abuse still goes on in my home. I am not allowed to have emotions. I have been told "STOP. WHY ARE YOU CRYING. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT" over and over--like... in response to me crying about my pet dying, or in response to me crying bc I'm in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses, or crying after my usual yearly ER visit. I am also not allowed to have boundaries. I have tried to communicate with FM1 that these things hurt me deeply. And their response is basically, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!" and threats such as "BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GRANMDA, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" or "I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU"-- y'know, in response to having a disabled child. Ouch. The message is clear: I am nothing but an inconvenience and a burden to my family. I still have nightmares about them abandoning me, or abusing me more. I think in their heads they think that they love me. But this isn't love. If I try to talk to them about how dangerous it is for them to say things like that to me, they say "I never said/did that." Which brings us back to the gaslighting: I said that every time they gaslight me and tell me that my emotions/thoughts/experiences aren't real, it triggers me so badly that I self-harm and become suicidal.

I was very clear with them: I said that I can no longer have that in my life because one day it will kill me. I don't wanna die that way. I want to live. I have very bad PTSD and it's something I have worked on for 8 years but it has been worse the past year with so many disruptions and FM1's worsening narcissistic traits. I gave the choice to them. I said if they gaslighted me again that they were making the decision to not be in my life. Because this is about preserving my life. I'm trying not to die here. I'm literally trying to save my own life, even if that means not having a relationship with my family. They accept that I am autistic... But they then took turns gaslighting me. When I pointed out, "that's gaslighting. that's exactly what I just said in my letter. What you're doing is gaslighting" they went even harder on it. They said my experience and my trauma is "not in line with reality". They also said I "need to be reasonable" with the boundary that I'm setting (meaning: they don't believe in boundaries at all). They tried to guilt trip me with, "you can't cut someone out of your life because what if they DIE and then you FEEL GUILTY??" (I mean, what if I killed myself because you keep hurting me? Wouldn't you feel guilty about that?) They also guilt tripped me with "well we TRY to invite you to family stuff, and we try to include you, but you never want to go..." um... I guess they forgot I am chronically ill? Sorry if I don't have the energy or pain tolerance to drive an hour each way to a loud family party after I've worked all week? I cried and cried, I said this is exactly what I told you that you do to me and how it endangers my life... and you're doing it... while telling me you don't do it to me... They were all weird and told me "we love you and would do anything for you!" except... I guess, not gaslight me constantly? Idk. I felt so trapped. I felt so hopeless. I was up all night crying. I wondered, "Why is the idea of me having distance from them somehow worse than me being dead? Why would they prefer that I die rather than set a boundary that will save me?" And then I remembered: I had set the terms. They broke them. You do this, you're out of my life, because me being alive is more important than us having a relationship which will eventually kill me. I'm not trapped. It doesn't matter if they think they can prevent me from setting this boundary because they can't. I'm in charge of my boundary. So I blocked them on social media, as well as their phones. I have to unfortunately keep FM1 unblocked bc I live with them, they drive my car, and they look after my cats while I am at work. If I didn't have so many great things happening behind the scenes, if I didn't have my cats, if I didn't have amazing friends and followers who are supportive and kind... I can definitely see that I would have ended my life that night in some alternate timeline. That is how much pain I was in from them doing that to me. Them literally trying to gaslight me into not setting a boundary. I mean it would've been so ridiculous on their part, can you imagine? Me: Hey family, when you gaslight me, it makes me suicidal. I don't want to die, so either you stop doing that, or we can't have a relationship. Family: UHH NO *gaslights me anyway* Me: ok *kills self* Family: *surprised Pikachu face* Like???? Would they really have been shocked because it seems like they should have known since I told them directly? And that just shows that they really don't take my pain seriously at all. They think I'm overly sensitive and that my trauma is not real. That would have been a painful wake up call for them. I told my therapist all of this. And she agrees that this is good, this is going to not only ween them off of me but also allow me to focus on all the good stuff I have going on. I have to get moving. So much stuff has been lagging because I'm constantly recovering from them triggering me. I'm going to focus, and heal, and gtfo of here. Thank you for your support and for never invalidating my pain.

[acephysicskarkat]

I don't want to start fights, but don't you think you may be going way too far with the salt? It's one thing to not be happy with the way a show ended(and so many people think S5 was great, so you are in a huge minority already), but to insult the showrunner because *one* ship didn't become canon is going too far, mate. Catradora was there from the start, and Catra had an amazing redemption arc. Then again, I am just one person, so idk. Anyway, thanks. -Callum.

I actually respect Noelle Stevenson a lot: bringing a show like She-Ra all the way to its conclusion, producing seasons 1-4 (which are in fact really good), working hard for BLM, all while being out and proud in an industry that still has plenty of bigots around - these are legitimate achievements that are worthy of respect.

However.

1) I don’t give a shit how many people liked S5. I am allowed my own opinions on my own blog. If you don’t like my opinions the block button is right there. Telling me that a lot of fans like the season is an irrelevant data point because my opinions are not subject to majority vote.

2) Catradora was part of the disappointment that was S5, but it was far from the only thing. The strong ensemble cast, one of the best things about the show, is underused; every redemption arc is utterly weightless (Catra’s isn’t the worst but it’s still badly undercooked, of which more later), Glimmer and Bow are barely relevant despite the BFS being the show’s actual beating heart (I know Noelle says Catradora was supposed to be the heart but it’s never felt like that to me), everything related to Catra and Adora’s relationship feels forced, out-of-character and clumsy, the resolution is tied to a bullshit save-the-world button with unclear results, long-running elements like Adora’s family or the Catra/Shadow Weaver parallels are ditched in favour of coming up with dumb answers about what Greyskull means, and the writing is just kind of bad.

It has good elements - I loved the Star Siblings, I liked having Entrapta actually deal with the consequences of her actions, Melog and Wrong Hordak were good additions, and “Peril of Peekablue” was excellent, on par with something like “Mer-Mysteries” - but the season was considerably worse than all the others.

Like, I actually went into S5 going “The most likely outcome here is Catradora canon, but hey, maybe this will be the season that sells me on it” and it wasn’t. It really, really wasn’t.

3) Catradora was there from the start, but it was also badly done from the start and S5 did not meaningfully improve it. It’s actually my go-to on how not to tell an enemies-to-lovers arc because the “enemies” part is really prolonged, heavily emphasised, toxic, unpleasant, emotionally wearing and vicious and the “to” is super rushed and clumsy (of which more in the next bullet point). From "The Promise” to the end of season 4, there are no moments where Catra and Adora’s emotional connection does anything to soften the hostility; if anything, it makes Catra worse because it adds a really cruel and personal note to the whole thing.

Then S5 executes on it badly because it relies heavily on papering over inconvenient events and character development instead of trying to build organically on what has happened before. Catra telling Adora, “You never gave up on anything, not even me,” is my go-to example of this, because she did. It was the S3 climax and a huge moment for Adora’s personal arc! And then the show even reinforced it by having Adora throw a robot directly at Catra’s face with pretty unambiguous intent to kill, or at least severely wound, in "Flutterina”. But it’s not dealt with; instead, we get one questionable line of dialogue about pretending it never happened. Having Adora admit she was wrong to give up on Catra and swearing never to do so again could have been a really powerful moment, but instead of trying to do anything with the thing we saw happen onscreen, it’s just shoved under the rug. It’s bad writing and a huge waste of interesting potential. (It’s also bad planting and payoff; we get the setup in S3, the reminder in S4, and then it’s outright retconned away.)

4) Catra’s redemption arc is actually kind of bad. It’s not as bad as Hordak’s, which I only barely consider a redemption arc because it’s super truncated and he never admits to even doing anything wrong, but it’s bad.

First, it’s super fucking rushed. Literal years of seething, constantly building resentment disappear offscreen; there’s never a point where she meaningfully grapples with it or comes to realise that being “Shadow Weaver’s favourite” was also a hellish experience just in different ways. She does her one big redemptive act, gets forgiven instantly by everyone (including Adora, for whom it feels badly out of character given the aforementioned giving-up, her suspicion in “Princess Prom” before Catra had even tried to ruin her life once let alone six times, etc.), and her resentment just...vanishes in one hand-hold. It was her defining personality trait and the underlying cause for most of her time as an antagonist; it really should have been, you know, dealt with, instead of just forgotten. It does try to deal with her anger issues and problems expressing vulnerability, but that’s like saying that now that Azula has agreed not to torture small animals everything is fine; it’s far from the deepest issue here and pretending otherwise does the character and the show a disservice.

Worse than that, nothing she actually did feels like it means anything because the show just shoves it all under the rug. I’m not asking that she spend an episode personally making it up to each person she’s harmed a la Zuko, not least because after her participation in the sack of Salineas that’s more episodes than a long-running daytime soap opera, but at the very least using her actions in seasons 1-4 for something could have led to some really interesting scenes and good character moments and all that potential is instead just wasted. Angella’s death is just plum forgotten despite how important it was last season; the parallels between Catra’s actions in “White Out” and Horde Prime’s chips are never explored; the Shadow Weaver parallels the show’s been building for four seasons and explicitly stated in the graphic novel tie-in are just ditched and nothing ever comes of them; everyone who might not forgive Catra in under five minutes is mind-controlled until the season is almost over, contributing to the sidelining of the strong ensemble cast. It just feels like they didn’t know how to square Catra’s actions in seasons 2-4 with how they wanted her arc to end, so they just opted to pretend those actions never happened, and as a direct result the whole mess lacks texture and weight and doesn’t feel like a satisfying development for her story. It never feels like she’s dealing with the consequences for her actions, because her actions don’t have consequences.

Noelle once said that the driving question for Catra was “what happens when you’re the toxic friend”, and now we have the answer: nothing. Catra faces no long-term consequences for being the toxic friend. Perfuma’s one minute of being angry is the longest gap between Catra seeming sad and Catra getting forgiven. Nothing she did matters in the long run except in the sense that she’s kind of sad about them in aggregate. None of her bridges are burned so badly they can’t be fixed. And that’s a bad answer, because in real life when you’re the toxic friend people do refuse to forgive you instantly when you say sorry. Relationships do get trashed so badly they never recover. The pain you cause matters, and the traits that made you the toxic friend take work to overcome...unless you’re Catra, in which case the pain you cause suddenly stops mattering and your issues can be dealt with in under an hour offscreen.

Or at least, that’s my attitude. Like, if you liked the season, I’m not saying you’re an idiot or have bad taste. But I hated it. It could maybe have been good if it had been two seasons, actually allow Catra’s arc to breathe instead of speedrunning the whole thing, done more with the ensemble cast etc., but what we got was a rushed mess and telling me that “lots of people liked the rushed mess actually” is not relevant to that assessment.

(Just as a side note, if you really don’t want to start a fight, I’m not sure sending passive-aggressive asks to the tune of “have you considered that your opinions are Wrong actually and mine are Right” is the best way to go about it.)