#smthn smthn what is destruction without creation and vice versa

[stellarcobweb]

tbh . thinkin.

so. energywork related stuff basically

tl;dr my energy system is weird (/neu)

two of the systems of magic that i'm naturally talented at have been clairsentience (tbh i kinda joke abt being a dark empath but fully do not consider myself an empath at all. i'm just REALLY good at picking up on the energies of a place or person, esp in an inuitive way. i don't personally feel it though. the primary way i speak to entities, be they deity or spirit, is via impressions of emotion), and energywork (more on that in a sec)

HOWEVER. i do also consider myself an energy vampire, in a sense. primarily in the "i feel like my energy system is a bucket, and there is a tiny little hole in the bottom of that bucket constantly draining me bit by bit, so i need to intake more outside energy so that i can stop that gap and fill myself back up" kinda way. and tbf, while i have fed directly off of people before (with consent), i tend to fix my issue by just. filter feeding??? for lack of better term??? and taking the energy of food that i eat??? not to mention its a lot easier for me to upkeep my energetic body now that i'm not in an abusive relationship w an asshole abusing me in spiritual ways

either way, i was thinking about like. so, my energy has been read for me a few times before, and i remember the main things to stick out were like. its very sticky! it clings, and the like. tbh thats part of why i named my blog the way i did lol, i used to compare myself to spiders (and butterflies, tbf. and now moths LOL), not to mention i was directly told that my energy was a lot like that of a spiders. which tbh in combo with my tug towards the concept of thread of fate, weaving fate, the red string of fate, etc. kinda funny ngl. also one of the reasons why i learned how to crochet and shuttle/tatting lace AND kumihimo

but aside from that, i've always been like. inherently connected to the concept of stars, or the night sky. primordial void. that kinda thing. i like calling it primordial soup tbh. which does lend a voidy quality to the energy i have, alongside general dark stuff.

it also makes cleansing really easy tho! mainly in the. i'm not replacing dark with light, i'm just getting rid of the stuff not meant to be there, or that is kicking the balance of the place out of whack. or like. hrm.

when i'm cleansing my energy system, or someone elses, for example, i'm not clearing them of negative or positive energy, or destroying whatever lean or sway they have. i'm getting rid of any parasites, hangers-on, things that are harmful to said system. it gets complicated in situations w people sharing the body, but even then, i'm not weakening any ties there. which ig is an example of me being able to do very fine-tuned delicate energywork???? shit gets complicated and if you touch the wrong thing even slightly you can throw the whole system out of whack. also tbh i tend to view energy systems as connections of strings, one for each relationship you have to someone else, distinct memories that have left an impact, your energy systems linking up together, etc... very fascinating stuff tbh

tbh i also personally think its funny that like. i ascribe to the belief that i was reincarnated from a deity (not one local to this universe), who i tend to define as a Cosmic Creatrix of sorts. despite that, i associate myself currently mostly with destruction vs creation, though i can do either/or. destruction is just easier and more natural. honestly in terms of like explaining how i feel abt the whole thing: stares at Rukkhadevata and Nahida. it feels a lot like that situation. plus the other beliefs i have in regards to how exactly i was created, why i/she died, specific things i remember from that past life (not much)

idk its fun to think of these things

anyways all that to say that when i was still wiccan, i would only ever do new moon sabbats bc they felt better to me. more like home