#the solution is seeing a guy be the literal worst ever and still be loved
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byooregard · 2 months ago
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Armand is so funny because he's got that mentally ill thing we can all relate to where he's desperately afraid that people will Find Out some secret horrible truth about him that doesn't actually exist that will make them hate him forever and in order to do this he will. commit actual atrocities. he also like does awful stuff on the side for terrible reasons but he never seems to concieve of this being the problem with him
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upsidedownmvnson · 2 years ago
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reader is insecure about big boobs | eddie munson
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warnings: reader is insecure about big boobies :(
requested by anon <3
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"What's left on the list, my love?"
Eddie Munson was a powerhouse of a boyfriend, always. Not in sheer strength, but just in general boyfriendiness. Today you guys were out and about in town, just running errands for you. So far today you'd gotten your haircut, went to the dentist, did the groceries for your house, dropped something off to your friend, and now you guys were at the mall, eating french fries and taking a little break.
Not once did Eddie get annoyed, bored, or impatient. He just followed along, performing finger drum songs in various waiting rooms while you were busy. In fact, you'd told him it would be boring but he insisted that he be your private chariot for the day.
You unfold the weak paper. It's been folded and unfolded this sheet so many times that it was just begging to fall apart. The blue pen was fading as if you hadn't written this last night.
You sigh, "just bra shopping."
"Best for last," Eddie grinned, rubbing his hands together.
Obviously, he'd never been bra shopping before. You had. You would spend the next hour trying on bras that don't fit and will end up paying forty bucks for a bra you don't even like, and barely fit into, like one weight flux and it would start gathering dust in your drawer.
But what are you supposed to do? They never have your size, and when they do they're neon pink, or have the same effect as a sports bra, and you already wore a sports bra enough. You wanted something sexy, something to push up the girls and say, "hey look at me! I probably don't have stretch marks from being pulled down to her belly button all the time!"
But you do...
You felt the tears welling up in your eyes before you could even say anything else. Bra shopping is the worst and you'd already had a long day.
"Hey, hey," Eddie said softly, recognizing the overwhelmed look in your eye. He stood up and shimmied around so he could sit beside you in the booth. "What happened? What's wrong, Petal?"
"Maybe we should just call it," you said, wiping at a tear that managed to sneak out. "And I can do this tomorrow."
"Wouldn't you like to just get it out of the way? I can help you real quick and then I can take you home, we can set up a movie night and just relax the rest of the day? How's that sound?"
It sounded really good. And the way he spoke softly and kindly reassured you that he's got your back, and he probably wouldn't even laugh at you if you told him the truth, which you were considering. Maybe he could even help?
"What if I can't find anything?"
"Then I'll take you somewhere else."
"What is they laugh at me?"
"Then I'll burn the store down."
You laughed, and he smiled, putting an arm around you and pulling you into his side. He kissed the top of your head a few times before resting his chin on your head.
"C'mon Petal, tell me what's bothering you."
"Eddie, have you ever been bra shopping? I have watermelons strapped to my chest, nothing fits! And when it does it gives me uniboob. And uniboob even costs like a thousand dollars - and even then, I'm- I'm..." you sniffle, trying not to cry in the middle of the food court.
"Baby..." he cooed, holding you tightly. He didn't care if people saw the pda, he would comfort you when and where you needed it. You couldn't see his face, but where you imagined him cringing, he was just smiling sadly. He hated that you felt like this. "I wish you saw what I saw."
"I wish you felt what I felt," you said. "They're literally weighing me down."
"I have a solution."
"That's not you just holding them up all day?"
"I do not have a solution."
"It's just frustrating."
"I know baby," he said, "Can I just... I don't want to make it worse but baby, you are so gorgeous. Top to bottom, just perfection. I know you might hate them, but personally..." Eddie sighed, you were still smushed into his chest, but pulled away to see his face. He pushed his own chin into his neck to look down at you, but somehow still looked ridiculously beautiful. He grinned. "Personally I like when they spill through my fingers."
"Eddie!"
"What!? It's so true, there's so much to grab. To kiss. Ugh, just suffocate me with them so I can die happy."
You giggled, "Okay you win for now. Let's go do this - but if I need to talk to an employee I'm making you do it."
"Deal."
As you gathered your stuff, Eddie watched you. Honestly shocked that someone as beautiful as you even found time to bother with insecurities. He would do literally anything to make you see yourself the way that he sees you.
He takes your bags, holding the girly shopping bags with no hesitation or problem.
And he says, "but I can help you hold them up later, right?"
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bubbless-s · 2 months ago
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I love love LOVE your page. Your Harry Potter fics are my favsss. Your Kyle and Kenny headcanons were LITERALLY SCRUMPTIOUS, I WILL KEEP EATING IT UP.
But if I could, may I request the main 3 SP boys x reader please? Separately of course. Maybe they’re dating and having a sleepover together. Just hc’s on what they’d do at a sleepover with a partner.
If you could, fem reader would be preferred, gender neutral is okay though.
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Pillow Fights and Stolen Hearts₊ ⊹ ᶻ !! ␥
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- ʚɞ genre: fluffy! (as always no gender implied.)
- ʚɞ warnings: none (devider)
→Masterlist
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Kyle Broflovski
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ೀ⋆ He definitely begged his mom for this.
ೀ⋆ His mom allowed with the rule of the door being open.
ೀ⋆ You suggested the sleepover firstly and got him hooked.
ೀ⋆ “What will we do on the sleepover? Play truth or dare?” after Stan showed him the powers of truth or dare he is willing to try it out with you. A little tho! He isn’t awaiting it with heart eyes!!
ೀ⋆ Our lovesick fool made a little list of things just incase if you guys runout of things to do.
ೀ⋆ “Do you have games on your phone?” -Ike
ೀ⋆ Kyle got you a rose too! He gave it to you when you arrived at his house.
ೀ⋆ Imagine the surprise on your face when you open the door to Kyles house only to get a rose shoved to your face. A very well decorated rose at that.
ೀ⋆ The fun part is when night came.
ೀ⋆ Kyle being Kyle couldn’t sleep at all.
ೀ⋆ Why you may ask. 1. He has the worst bed hair ever! 2.What if he kicks you in his sleep?! 3. Can’t stop staring at your sleeping face
ೀ⋆ It was the most anxious sleepover to him BUT you know after rain rainbow comes.
Stan Marsh
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✧ Stan had this planned out for months.
✧ He carefully planned each step like the “master mind” he is. He totally sucks at it but eh
✧ First he will impress you with his guitar skills then ask you to come over to his place for a sleepover.
✧ It was a solid plan until he almost puked out of nervousness.
✧ But things did work out in Stans favour nonetheless!
✧ This loverboy was over the moon that you agreed and went out to buy all the snacks in the world with his pocket money.
✧ Not to mention he brushed his teeth 12 times because you guys w-will..will kiss..such a blasphemy..!
✧ Stan also made a very romantic questionable playlist.
✧ “You deserve better.” - Shelley
✧ When night fell Stan and you found yourself under the covers.
✧ Sleepy but still talking. Too invested in the conversation but too sleepy to continue..
✧ The problems solution was a sweet kiss and a even sweeter goodnight bidding.
Kenny Mccormick
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৻ꪆ Kenny was thrilled to have a sleepover with you.
৻ꪆ Finally he was going to see what your room looks like!
৻ꪆ Asking him to come over wasn’t hard at all, you just asked as someone would do normally and Kenny cut you off saying yes. If it was a comic it would definitely have big “!!!” marks at the end.
৻ꪆ When he did arrive at your place y’all did the casual things. Watching TV together, snuggling under the covers, Kenny chasing you to tickle your sensitive spots—
৻ꪆ Yea you heard me ladies, gentlemen and non-binary sillies, Kenny chased you till you were breathless only to trap you underneath him.
৻ꪆ For some tickles. You had to cry and beg for release!
৻ꪆ When night began its reign Kenny became more quirky.
৻ꪆ He would always steal kisses or his hands would wande—ahem Kenny Im trying to keep this family friendly.
৻ꪆ Anyway! Kenny is the best cuddle buddy out there if you are cold he will pull you closer to himself, if you are hot he will loosen his arms.
৻ꪆ If Kenny happened to be awake later on his thought could begin to wander to more evil places.
৻ꪆ But he wouldn’t do that to his darling..
৻ꪆ Until you woke up funny shapes drawn all over your face.
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animentality · 7 months ago
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Do you think Gortash would still love Durge even after their bad ending (you know when they betray Bhaal and choose to surrender themselves to prison at the end) and they’ve gone mad?
For example, let’s say in an alternate scenario where Gortash survives at the end of the game. All the other companions have abandoned Durge, do you think Gortash would step in and try to help them? Do anything?
I've wracked my brain at night thinking about it.
On the one hand, the part of me that looks exclusively at in game Gortash says that Gortash wouldn't love them without power and without reason.
Because the more canon aligned Gortash is more pragmatic than emotional and although I do think his feelings verged into the impractical, he still fundamentally needs balance.
He's a domineering kind of guy, he gets along with Durge because they refused to be cowed in any way by him, and he dared not pity them or treat them with anything less than the utmost respect.
He can't sweep them under his tidal wave of personality, he crashes upon their shore, and they chip away at each other, grain by grain, in a tumultuous but steady balance.
they had a tango, you know. two partners working together. sex and love stemmed from something other than practicality, but it was practicality that brought them together initially.
He loves the Dark Urge for their power and reason, and without those two things... maybe he wouldn't seek them out.
especially not after they betrayed him.
and I don't know. the more assholish Gortash would see their alliance as having reached its inevitable conclusion. the more... emotional but distant Gortash would say, goodbye, old friend.
I wish you could've escaped your master, as I escaped mine.
and he wouldn't see them again.
but canon aligned Gortash is underwritten anyway.
so I'll do Larian's job for them and say...
well.
it could go either way.
I can see Gortash abandoning them because he is literally unable to look upon his former love, completely without freewill, and not feel soul crushing, life ending despair.
I could see it being too painful to see them when he knows he can't help them and they can't be helped by anyone, and they're gone, and he has to accept that.
again.
but I can also see...
a determined Gortash.
who has nothing now, except perhaps a desire for revenge against Durge. but as they are, mad and alone and insatiable, why even bother, right?
Bhaal has tortured them more than Gortash ever could.
maybe he keeps them locked in a basement somewhere, and at first it's just to lord it over them. mock their failure, their inability to prevent themselves from becoming like this.
in the beginning, he's still bitter about his plan failing and he blames them. to him, maybe it's a cosmic justice...
he says you could've ruled the world with me at your side and Bhaal and Bane at our backs.
but you chose this instead.
but as time goes on, his heart softens and he starts wondering if they're in there somewhere.
the only person who could understand him.
whom he could understand truly.
and maybe they're down there somewhere, trying to be understood again.
so he shows them things he hopes they remember about the life they shared together for a brief but important time. maybe books they talked about. blueprints he showed them of his future inventions. their notebooks, left behind. their old clothing, left over after long nights spend fucking and arguing.
maybe he tries to find a cure. he has some medical expertise, right? from dissecting people. maybe he tries to find a solution, some way to bring them back. maybe he pours himself into studies of bhaalspawn and deeper magic, trying to find some way to bring back a person whose mind has been ravaged into nothing.
but worst case scenario ...
he has to give up on all that... and give them the death he knows they would've asked for, had they been conscious.
so.
yeah.
anon. I've thought of it.
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motelroomjesus · 3 months ago
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Final Love Sea Ramble 。⁠:゚⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)゚⁠:⁠。
spoilers ahead!
Guys, I'm fucking siiiiiiick. I can't believe it's over. 😭
Yeah, I definitely got attached to the characters, especially Mahasamut. He's never been wrong in his life ever.
Anyway
I already knew how this ep was gonna go. I knew Mut was gonna take a chance since his time there was running out, and I definitely had a premonition (💆) that Rak was gonna have an explosively negative reaction. Tongrak is very predictable. He's so stuck in his ways and in his past that it makes it easy to map out his reactions. But I appreciate Mut's unwavering belief in Rak. He believed that there was still even the slightest chance that Rak might make a change for himself and take a chance on him, on them and Mut's willingness to let go of Rak had he just said "no not interested". He stood steadfastly by him even if Rak tried to push him away. But, y'know, Mut is only human, too.
I knew that break up was bound to be explosive, but Rak throwing such a thoughtful and unique gift, that he saw Mut explain to him with stars in his eyes, almost literally in Mut's face was like kinda crazy. The things he said, bro.... Mut is bearing his heart, and I understand that's really scary for Rak, but fuuuuck. I fully get why Mut's tone turned to a bit of anger and genuine upset. I would feel like my feelings were being made less than too. I think the worst part is that despite it all, even through the argument, Mut is still trying to leave the door open for him until the moment Rak just fully crashed out. Once Mut fully turned his back to him and walked out, I think Rak realized he fucked up big time. But he still expected Mut to stay, to approach him first, to fix things like he always has. Selfish even then, when things were falling apart and the obvious solution was in his hands, at the tip of tongue. He was not thinking about how Mut was feeling or how that truly affected him. His trauma blinded him so much. Poor Mahasamut.... oh the angst of it all omg.
I'm glad Vie ended up intervening for Rak. Vie is such an amazing friend. I think if Rak had been left to his own devices, he would've chosen to rot away from the heartbreak in his house. Vie, my beautiful mischievous lady, I love you. IDC what ppl say about you.
I'm also glad that Mahasamut did not give in when Rak first showed up. I'm glad he barely even let Rak get a word in during that first encounter at the beach at night. I'm glad he scared Raj by pretending to throw the gift out into the ocean. Mut has maintained his composure for the most part. Seeing Rak follow him after not just breaking his heart but also hurting him beyond that, must've stung so bad. I'm happy Rak was forced to suffer the consequences of the very ditch he dug himself. It forced him to acknowledge the way he hurt Mut. It was obvious that he was never conscious of the way his actions and words hurt those around him. Even if his outbursts and reactions were not intentionally malicious, he has to take responsibility. So, I'm glad that's how it played out. He really had to put in the effort for Mut.
I, for one, really really enjoyed this series. I saw some opinions that said they felt the story fell flat and lost substance as the show went on, and while I agree to an extent, I don't think the fall off was that bad. It was still fun to watch, and characters like Mut, Meena, and Vie really kept me seated. Now, my biggest gripe is with the VieMook side plot. What the fuck was the point of it if they didn't even give us a full resolution for them? It was genuinely so frustrating. I think it might actually be my only gripe
All in all, it was a fun series. It was engaging for me and a pleasure to watch. I'm hoping to see fortpeat outside of the mameverse one day, but I'm not forecasting that for the near future.
8.5/10
maybe it's because Fort is in it or maybe it was actually really good.... the world will never know
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neos-schlond-poofa · 8 months ago
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MY MCD HEADCANONS FOR THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY
i need to post SOMETHING to celebrate the best minecraft series ever but i dont want to do something too big because next year is TEN YEARS I AM OLD so heres my hcs and most are. just canon in my rewrite WHICH I REALLY NEED TO ORGANIZE ONE DAY. someone should make like a google doc layout template thing for us its a hard world theres so much stuff that needs to be rewritten. anywho.
LORD APHMAU
NOT the reincarnation of Irene. Or literally just Irene.
Instead I based her off of my friend's old theory from 5th grade (as a tribute, also my friend isn't dead it's not like an in memoriam tribute but its a tribute to an amazing idea) that she was a fallen angel. But. She isn't at the same time?
Instead, she's one of Irene's daughters. Kind of. ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN AND I DONT WANNA GO ALL INTO THE LORE HERE BUT THERES "SISTERS" OF HERS TOO AND VYLAD STILL SUMMONED HER.
She doesn't have those markings from rebirth; I like them in fanart, but realistically? Why would some random girl have that? Instead, she has weird scars on her body.
Knows the basics of writing and reading... but REALLY struggles with them still. She literally just spawned on this world. She doesn't know everything.
But her natural tendency to help people is in her blood. Like. Irene's whole purpose of these "daughters" of her were to try to fix her legacy in a way. She still struggles with a lot of things though, and all those changes to the village LIKE WHERE SHE JUST BUILT HUGE THINGS obviously don't happen.
She also didn't have good combat skills until she trained with Garroth. Then Zenix. Then EVERYONE. Her combat skills are a huge melting pot of every single person she's fought against or fought with. Of course, she prefers to just use her sword.
SUPER socially awkward but doesn't even realize it. After all, she doesn't have many things to base her social interactions off of; she just got here. But, she does have manners at least.
Can't cook. AT ALL. This is actually a headcanon based off the WORST FANFIC I EVER READ (I lied it was amazing but I was so shocked by the ending like it's the best fic ever but... it SCARRED me PLEASE read it).
About like. 24 years old.
Bisexual and genderfluid and polyamorous.
Endgame is ultimately Garrancemau, but she DOES have a relationship with Katelyn and Zoey during the series. Those will be expanded upon later.
Never has a romantic relationship with Aaron. Also will be expanded upon later.
Can't tell her lefts from rights (just like me) without using her hands.
Once she found out about her relation to Irene, she just felt TERRIBLE. Like. This super cool Goddess EVERYONE loves was basically her mother and she has to live up to that.
BUT OH IT GETS WORSE WHEN SHE FINDS OUT IRENE IS A TERRIBLE PERSON. Now, she has to struggle with telling the world or not, she has to exist knowing she was just created to be a solution to the problems someone who doesn't even care much about her caused.
Has mild generalized anxiety and ADHD. And. Naturally gets a lot of trauma over the series.
Knows how Joan of Arc felt.
GARROTH RO'MEAVE
Kind of an idiot in a way. Like. SUPER INTELLIGENT. But never thought about changing his first name when hiding in Phoenix Drop... he just always ignored people's questions about his last name.
In his defense, Garroth became a fairly popular first name after his birth. It's like when the royals have children and the names they give them become more popular.
Azura helped him escape to Phoenix Drop; they met when he was allowed to go to knight college or whatever its called I FORGOT GUYS!! And he was not in the same class as Laurance... but there any good knight is literally put on the list of Jury of Nine canidates. Like. It's not that hard to be considered. But to be picked? They do like the biggest background checks EVER and secretly watch you to see your strengths.
Naturally a very father-like figure to those significantly younger than him as a result of caring for his brothers and protecting them from his father. I made a whole post about it before. I'd tag it but I. Don't feel like it.
LEVIN'S FATHER!! DILFROTH IS CANON GUYS. But he doesn't know he's the father until after the timeskip.
He doesn't just wear his helmet to hide his appearance from others; he can't stand his appearance. He's a splitting image of his father, the man he truly hates. He hides all the mirrors in his living quarters, he can't stand it. Aphmau is the one that truly starts helping him love himself.
Although. After the whole incident featuring a betrayal, portal, and missing 15 years, he feels scared that he is turning out evil just like his father. He hates it. It haunts him everyday.
Also. HE WASN'T AWARE OF WHAT HE WAS DOING.
Firstly, I just need to say, I head canon Garroth to have depression. And I spoke about this a bit before, but seeing the two people he loved the most seemingly hide a relationship behind his back, instead of being open and honest with him just hurt. He fell into a depressive episode, like it was terrible. AND ZANE BEING ZANE used that to manipulate Garroth, having Lillian use magicks and potions or whatever to mind control him. He only broke out of it once Lillian died AND LAURANCE USED THE POWER OF LOVE!
He never truly figures out everything that happens until after he escapes from the Irene Dimension.
Speaking of which, he is SUPER injured after he escaped from there. I. Um. Actually don't know the specific injuries I'm giving him but all I know is he becomes a cane user. So like. Obviously something with his back but I need to like really get the logistics down that's just how my mind works with these things.
In love with Aphmau AND Laurance. He's so silly.
Bisexual masculine non-binary he/they autistic king that also suffers from depression, PTSD, and survivor's guilt.
Like most people believe, he has a dad bod. Like obviously he's muscular, but he's also chubby.
Can't cut his own hair since he doesn't look in the mirror. When he first revealed his face to Aphmau, she helped him out with his beard and hair (and almost braided his hair).
Around 26 years old.
A good singer, but only sang for Laurance while he was recovering. It's their small little thing.
LAURANCE ZVHAL
Okay so firstly, I'm not putting any Shadow Knight headcanons. That's too much.
However, as a result of being a Shadow Knight, he has poor temperature regulation. Like. He's very naturally warm, so he overheats a lot, but in the cold, it's the opposite. He's FREEZING and has to layer up a lot.
Has two gay dads. Which... is canon?? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS. He has Hayden and Joh. They are his gay dads and they raised him. And Cadenza.
Rarely can have a nice, peaceful sleep due to night terrors. He's haunted by the memories of the Nether, and the only times when those thoughts are subdued are when he's sleeping close to Aphmau or Garroth.
Actually the father of Alina. Because it's not Aaron (ew). And he never knows about this. Because he SACRIFICES himself to save Garroth and Aphmau because he loves them, and he doesn't want either of them to hurt or for himself to hurt them due to the calling.
Just to clarify, he and Aphmau did not intend for this by the way. They just had a silly night where they drank a little bit! And then woke up like a rom-com or something and where like "Oh. My. God." LIKE IT SEEMS TO BE SILLY but then it isn't.
Only knows how to crochet a single type of bear plush. Like. NOTHING ELSE.
He had to wash his orange hair like every single day. If he didn't it literally became so greasy and so crusty. And Zoey ended up having to do that while she watched over him. She was so close to just chopping it all off for him.
Garroth was his closest company while he was blind. He often asked Garroth to describe him what he saw in the village.
Once he got cured, he only partially regained his eyesight. He struggles to see a lot, and gets headaches easily. When he goes into Shadow Knight form though, his eyesight gets a lot better; but once he gets out of that form, he experiences so much pain, and his sight goes downhill for a while.
Can braid hair.
Likes to prank his friends a lot through really elaborate scares. SUPER happy once Malachi and Levin started getting involved.
Pansexual and polyamorous and 25 years old.
Sneezes like. Really cutely. Like he has one of those sneezes.
KATELYN
LITERALLY THE MOST MUSCULAR CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SHOW. AND TALL.
Her true love was Jeffory. Nothing will ever change that.
When she dated Aphmau, her own grief over Jeffory held back the relationship from blossoming into something more. This applies to all her other relationships as well.
Her anger issues are just simply treated better here. Like. That's all I have to say about that.
Helped care for Aphmau the most (along with Zoey) after Garroth was freed from the Irene Dimension because of how depressed she was over everything. She became really close with Lilith Garnet during this.
Never gets drunk. It's kind of insane. She is wild at taverns and just. Never gets drunk. Her power at that is balanced out with her terrible seasickness.
Doesn't get the appeal of coffee. She hates it, like it tastes so bad to her. She's a tea girlie.
28 years old. But people never guess her age right, like ever. She's eternally youthful despite not having a single skin routine.
Okay this is actually a headcanon and it's based off of a friend I do have in real life. So like yeah I guess in modern times Katelyn is a One Directioner but I guarantee she would be a Deftones fan or something.
okay i planned to do more characters but i literally forgot all mcd characters and my hcs :( SO MAYBE JUST SUGGEST CHARACTERS AND ILL SAY THEM CAUSE THEYRE JUST NOT COMING TO MIND RN also im tired
ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SHOW THAT FOREVER CHANGED MY LIFE. without you minecraft diaries, i wouldve never become the insufferable person i am today <3
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bthump · 1 year ago
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Hi dear bthump! I was thinking about this earlier today and was wondering your thoughts on it, even if it’s not directly griffguts related; what do you think of berserk’s stance on the concept of “ambition” or of the pursuit of one’s “dreams” ?
When I think of the way griffiths ambition is presented, it’s on face value an obvious condemnation of his over ambition- he chooses his “dream” over his comrades and friends, over the most important person in his life, guts, and becomes a literal monster/demon as a result.. and throughout the story, even though there are times guts himself (no less because of Griffith ofc) feels self conscious about being “unambitious” and just drifting in life, without strong goals etc. But when I think of the story as a whole with everything that’s happened in the eclipse and afterwards, I guess we’re meant to see guts as kind of the better, more grounded and humane alternative to a super focused, obsessive, dream chaser like Griffith, who ends up literally rejecting his humanity out of ambition? But then when I think of more recent neo Griffith chapters, that chapter where Griffith is talking about essentially revolutionizing the educational system in his utopia really stands out to me as an more obviously positive example/consequence of his “ambition”..
I wonder what you think about this? I think in another post you wrote about how, in many ways a lot of berserk is commenting on internalized homophobia/masculinity. Does this play into that?
As always love your posts and thanks for everything you do:) (also I’m really thrilled you liked my recommendation of human sadness!!)
Thank you, and thanks for the ask 💖
I think Berserk's take on dreams is a little nuanced, but falls on the negative side. As that one guy during the troll plotline says, "Dreams can make for courageous challenges but also opportune escapes."
Or much earlier you have Guts' Statement(TM): "The cost of ambition too great is self destruction." Which definitely feels like a narrative statement to me, not just reflective of Guts' character. Dreams are what motivate people to become apostles or godhands, dreams are what ruin everyone's lives in the Golden Age, and dreams are generally presented in opposition to genuine healthy relationships, requiring the sacrifice of one for the other.
But I do think Miura showed us the positive side of dreams too, in part to show why they're so seductive and the characters are obsessed with them, and in part just because it's realistic, probably. Griffith's dream of creating a utopian kingdom is genuinely pretty awesome and could do a lot of good in the world. But it was still bad for Griffith on an individual level, because his motivation was essentially a desire to escape from trauma, as neatly illustrated here:
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And ultimately in Berserk, that's what dreams tend to boil down to. They're ways of coping with trauma, and they're not particularly healthy ways. They're band-aid solutions to make someone feel better about themselves that don't solve the deep-seated issues causing pain in the first place.
I have a post here that gets into the story's portrayal of dreams a little more in depth, and probably answers your main question pretty well.
And yeah along with that I think you can take that internalized homophobia and/or toxic masculinity reading and apply it very easily - I mean Griffith's dream comes complete with a princess to marry and is placed in direct opposition to his relationship with Guts. Guts' dream is to be the best swordsman ever, so he can be the strongest and most powerful guy around and never be victimized again, and you can at least argue that that plays into some of his shitty arrogance in the latter half of the Golden Age, though it may not be intentional.
I think realistically dreams and ambition are neutral at worst and can be great and have great results and Berserk acknowledges this, but the story itself is much more interested in exploring the negatives, and I feel like that works very well with the story's themes.
Ultimately I do think we're meant to see Guts' initial attitude during the Golden Age, pre Promrose Hall speech, as the more correct one: live for your day to day life and the people you care about rather than for a distant goal. This is a sentiment I think we can see echoed a lot throughout the story, from Godo and co telling Guts to stay with the remaining Hawks rather than going monster hunting, to Troll Arc's old man talking about wanting to escape his hardships at home but ultimately finding greater fulfillment staying with his village, to Guts' realization that he should never have left the Hawks, etc.
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hopeymchope · 2 years ago
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How the Phantom Thieves Became the Bad Guys (OR: A long-ass essay that’s likely to irritate any P5 fans that bother to read it)
PREVIOUSLY: I came to the sad realization that “Joker” — a.k.a. the Persona 5 protagonist, a.k.a. Ren Amamiya — is canonically an asshole.
...so I suppose the logical extension of that is for Joker to become a villain. 
And as it turns out, thanks to the third semester of Persona 5 Royal, he can! They WANT you to. 
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I guess you could say the warning signs were always there.
...of course, alternatively, he might not. Because thankfully, the freedom of player choice still gives you some ways out. But sadly, the “True” (i.e., canonical) ending of the game requires Joker to lead the Phantom Thieves into a very dark place indeed. 
Before I delve into why that’s the case, though, I have to give the devs at Atlus credit for creating an ethical scenario that really challenges the player and makes them think. But uh, if you want to feel okay about pursuing the “True Ending,” you definitely shouldn’t think too much. It’s best that you just take the words of the characters at face value and try not to apply real-world morality, okay? Because applying serious thought to the moral debate in the third semester swiftly makes the Phantom Thieves into bigger baddies than some of the palace rulers they’ve previously battled.
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Enough of the buildup, however. Let’s back up and dig into the core issue I’m talking about: Takuto Maruki’s quest to make the world a better place. 
The Setup
Maruki is a psychological counselor and cognitive researcher as well as a Social Link/Confidant that’s unique to the “Royal” version of the game. He’s also the central figure behind the new storyline that takes place after the ending of the original Persona 5. Said storyline involves Maruki leveraging his work as a psychologist and his studies of the cognitive world + Yaldabaoth’s merging of Mementos with the real world to rewrite reality, creating a new world where people’s innermost wishes are made real. The result? People who lost loved ones in traumatic ways see them now returned to life. People who experienced horrific injuries have had them undone. Rape victims were never violated in the first place. People who lost their dream jobs are suddenly re-employed by them. And so on. This is Maruki’s way of helping people move past being haunted by their traumas and worst experiences; now they can simply never have had such experiences.
Maruki is a very kind-hearted soul from the moment we first meet him. There’s never any doubt that he’s simply trying to make the world a happier, kinder place. And when he first triggers the change into a new timeline, most of the Phantom Thieves are blissfully unaware that the world has been rewritten around them. No less than three of our teammates are reunited with parents who died recently or years ago, although from their perspective, it’s not a “reunion” — it’s just the way things have always been, because those people were never murdered in the first place. Our lead character, Joker, and his rival/ally/antagonist, Akechi, are initially the only ones who remember the old reality. But Joker is soon triggering the rise of conflicting memories within his allies that make them call their new existence into question, even if just slightly...
(It’s cool how well this all aligns with a major area of current psychiatric research. Medical researchers have been seeking a way to target and delete traumatic memories from PTSD sufferers for well over a decade now, moving ever-closer to success. Traumatic memories can be debilitating to a level that millions of sufferers never can recover from their worst experiences even after living many decades more, frequently driving people to suicide; what if you could stop having to relive them? Granted, this wouldn’t literally undo them as it does in Maruki’s solution, but I think the core concept is similar, and that’s pretty neat. Though I have no idea if it was all intended and the devs actually knew about this... )
Concerns?
When I first entered and swiftly understood Maruki’s “new reality” in the game, I immediately theorized TONS of ways in which this could be a very bad thing. And even as I went through the initial phases of his palace/laboratory and slowly learned more about the situation, I continued to come up with new possibilities for why this could be a problem for the world.
...so what’s amazing is how, though a combination of main story dialogue and optional side dialogue, the game successfully addresses EVERY possible problem and erases ANY doubt regarding Maruki’s solution. I assume they were going for a more nuanced moral debate, but in practice wound up in a situation where Maruki’s solution carries only the slightest ambiguity as to its righteousness.
So! Let’s go ahead and break down EVERY concern I had... and how the game either dismisses them or muddies them up quite a bit.
Concern #1: Maybe this reality is fake, and the resurrection people are just illusions/cognitive beings? ANSWER: No, this is not the case. During their first couple of discussions, when Akechi asserts that this reality is phony, Maruki assures him that it’s every bit as real as the one they remember. Moreover, Akechi himself confirms this in his next phone call with you; he investigates the possibility that Wakaba Isshki is either an illusion or cognitive existence, and he confirms that she is indeed the real Wakaba. In fact, his research confirms that she simply didn’t suffer the incident the vehicular accident that previously ended her life... and history was rewritten from there. Per his testimony, this isn’t a false reality at all — it’s an alternate universe or new timeline with its own distinct history. Think of it like we just jumped to a new “world line” in Steins;Gate or something. 
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The dark side implication of this fact is that it means that if someone WERE to revert reality back to its previous state, that’d be effectively the same as killing them yourself. 
Concern #2: Does this mean that people will never undergo loss or pain of any kind? No, negative experiences definitely still exist. Note that Yoshizawa still has endured the loss of a close sister who was killed in a vehicular accident! And the Niijima family is still missing their deceased matriarch. Ann specifically mentions how she was “so sad” when Shiho transferred away to another school. In fact, even Shido is confirmed to still be under arrest for multiple confessed crimes (courtesy of the Phantom Thieves) in this reality! But that last one could be an example of how people who don’t accept this new reality can continue to be trapped in their old struggles. You can see that particular problem in the homeless man in the subway... and even more blatantly in Akechi. He’s very open about his hatred of this new reality and his opinion that he needs his miserable life experiences. He literally defines himself by his trauma, which is... uh, not a good argument. In fact, Akechi is so messed up (and historically has been such a hostile, malevolent force) that his hatred of the new reality feels more like a ringing endorsement than something we should agree with. HOWEVER... it’s worth noting that later on in the “true” story route, Maruki continuously refers to his reality as one where nobody has to suffer. So perhaps the lingering tragedies/problems I’ve mentioned are actually imperfections he intends to iron out? Or it’s possible he’s just simplifying the situation, boiling it down to the essence of his argument even if it’s not strictly the case. UNCLEAR.
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Remember: If Akechi thinks something is foolish, it’s probably a very good idea. 
Concern #3: Is everyone just going to live incredibly easy lives, then? Everybody gets whatever they wish for now? First: That’s literally impossible. It is inevitable that people’s wishes will conflict with one another. Second: It’s pretty clear that goals/wishes which logically require effort to be actualized will STILL require that effort. Sae Niijima is still said to be working late nights in her job as the district prosecutor ever after the new reality emerges, and Ryuji is literally doing laps around the school EVERY DAY in order to stay in shape and keep his track skills strong. So NO, it’s not like everything just comes on a silver platter without even trying for it. Third: In all other situations beyond ONE thing on January 1st (the first day of this new reality), it seems like the new world isn’t going to just give out every desire you might think of. See, the narrative waters are muddied by the fact that Yoshizawa wishes to not encounter a crowd at the shrine on New Year’s Day... and then, shockingly, it’s mostly empty. But for the rest of the story, this trick is never again employed. In fact, there are situations in which people would OBVIOUSLY be thinking or desiring something other than what they have, but they still aren’t magically granted the perfect life. Just look back at Concern #2: Are you telling me that it never would’ve occurred to Yoshizawa to NOT have such a tragedy in her past? In fact, just rewind back to my second point under this very concern - are you going to tell me that Sae never once wanted to have a lighter workload? And why the helld did Shiho EVER transfer away from Shujin in this new reality, huh? So the most logical conclusions here are either that A) The new reality was still forming (this was its first day after all), finding its footing and still in flux, but immediate fulfillment of random frivolous wishes won’t apply after this point. OR! B) One-off wishes that are specifically spoken aloud might be granted, but otherwise the focus is on granting the SINGLE deepest wish of each person. 
Concern #4: Wait, what if some real assholes/terrible people make destructive wishes? In the real world, somebody casually thinks “ugh, I want to die” all over the world at every second, and a few people probably think “Jesus, just blow up the planet” every few minutes, but it’s not like we see random citizens keeling over or the world exploding under Takumi’s new reality. But this is a fictional world, so maybe those kind of thoughts/statements don’t exist there. In which case  the fact that Shido is currently still imprisoned for his crimes seems like evidence enough that destructive wishes being granted isn’t going to be a concern. Does anybody really believe that Takumi would hand someone like Kamoshida his greatest (...and probably dark and perverted) wishes? Nah. No fucking way.
Concern #5: If Kamoshida never was at Shujin and never abused/violated anyone, and Madarame was actually an honest and supportive “master” to his apprentice, and Okumura is a caring boss and devoted father... does that mean the Phantom Thieves never existed in this world? Does that erase the special bond our characters built? ANSWER: No, it doesn’t mean that. I already mentioned that Shido is behind bars in this reality just as he is in the preceding one, and this is (as ever) courtesy of the Phantom Thieves. The Phan-Site is still running and putting out polls, and they’re still viewed as heroes to the masses. The Thief squad still possesses the same special connection they always had. 
The Stickiest Wicket: Kasumi and/or Sumire
Ultimately, the BIGGEST concern for many people about Maruki’s actions is what’s happened to Yoshizawa. She no longer even knows her real name (Sumire) or who she was born as. She’s living her life entirely as a deceased person (her sister, Kasumi). She fully believes she is that person, and she acts and thinks and feels just like them.
A lot of people find this creepy or weird, but Maruki originally triggered this change without even knowing he was doing so. Furthermore, it happened because that’s what Sumire wished for. It’s her own desire! 
But once Maruki realized Maruki’s argument is based in the trauma that got her here. Because, you see... Sumire is responsible for her beloved sister’s untimely death. Not in a direct “I literally killed her” sense, but I mean... Sumire picked a fight with Kasumi in the streets and then ran away upset, Kasumi naturally/obviously pursued to try and calm her down, Kasumi screamed out to Sumire to not run into the street because vehicles were coming, Sumire ignored her and ran into the street, Kasumi catches up to Sumiere JUST enough to shove Sumire out of the way of an oncoming truck... and Kasumi pays for that with her life. 
We are made to live out this experience in first-person view, and it’s harrowing. Afterwards, Joker and Maruki make some effort to calm and/or comfort her. Maruki gives her the opportunity to live her true self from then on and help her move forward... or to revert back to  Understandably, Sumire can’t comprehend having to live with this deeply traumatic experience in her mind.
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No shame.
I come at this storyline from an unusual perspective because a very similar story happened near where I live when I was growing up. The story of a man who accidentally wound up causing his wife’s death while they were on their honeymoon.. it absolutely shook me to my core when I was a young teen. I won’t get into the messy details because I’d prefer to not pass the horror of a real-life tragedy on to a bunch of people, but suffice it to say that it was absolutely, undeniably an accident. Even so, he was similarly wracked with guilt. The area community watched that man’s psychological state completely collapse. He never recovered, and it was hard to blame him for that.
I can’t imagine how I’d ever recover if I accidentally caused a loved one’s death, either. And hopefully, very few people will ever have to know such horror. If I knew someone in such a situation, of course I’d be there to support them while simultaneously encouraging them to get professional help they can lean on. I’d encourage anyone in such a situation to seek out help and try to support them, naturally. And Joker does do that! But holy shit, when we see flashbacks to the aftermath of the tragedy, Sumire is DEEPLY miserable. She can barely go through the motions If Sumire believes that she is Kasumi, it does more than just help heal her feelings of inferiority —  it also means that she endured a tragedy in which her little sister died because of said sister’s own actions As we’ve established - tragedy still exists. Either sister being gone is a tragedy. And Sumire who died - not because of Kasumi but because of her own fault? Its still tragic (once again, reminder: hardships and tragedy still occur here), but it’s not completely debilitating in the same way.
In light of what I saw happen so close to home, I don’t blame Yoshizawa for choosing this life at all. It’d be preferable to just have both sisters alive and together, but it does not appear that Maruki has control over what people wish for. If he did, then maybe he could restore her sister and help build up her confidence from there... that’d be greatly preferable. But if this is her biggest wish — to simply BE her sister and live life with Kasumi’s confidence — then I’m with MarukI: At least this lets her live her life happily and at peace. 
I get that it’s not the perfect solution. But I’ll take whatever option is available that prevents a situation like the doomed, self-destructive widower I mentioned three paragraphs earlier.
Maruki is Doing the Same Thing the Phantom Thieves Did... But Better
Based on the above, this seems pretty win-win for everyone (although Sumire is certainly a debatable case). Well... it’s a win-win for most everyone except Akechi; he interprets any change to the current timeline as a removal of his free will. (Which obviously isn’t completely true; we watch a whole load of characters making clear decisions and choices during this arc, even before they are ‘awakened’ from this reality and, if they accept Maruki’s reality? Even AFTER that, too. So Akechi is full of shit, ofc.) In fact, Akechi is so dead-set on following the path he already chose that he’s still grimly adamant about doing so after finding out that he’s dead in the original timeline. Akechi insists that only HE can choose what is the truth, which is very much aligned with how he used to frame people for crimes in order to get credit for their arrest :P .... AND also not at all far removed from Maruki’s stance. Except Akechi’s “truth” is self-destructive, and Maruki’s “truth” is a positive for goddamn everybody.
Explained another way: The Phantom Thieves as a whole are doing the same thing as Maruki, just on a smaller scale and without actually addressing the societal problems that create such unfairness. The Phantom Thieves have spent this entire game forcibly changing the hearts and cognition of criminals and awful people, but they’ve never bothered to examine the root of such problems. Maruki is simply taking a single swing at erasing systemic injustice and sudden-onset cruelty in the world. The Phantom Thieves are firefighters; Maruki is an architect. The Phantom Thieves are whacking down whatever moles may pop up, but Maruki? He’s dismantling the whole rigged-ass game.
And y’know, considering how much Joker and the Phantom Thieves talk about carving their own future and free will and stuff in the “True” ending.. they sure do strip a whole lot of people of THEIR free will during the game’s campaign, don’t they? 
But look, I’m sure they don’t care about that. Because somewhere along the line — and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where —the Phantom Thieves stopped caring about other people. As in: Anybody outside of their own group.
The Phantom Thieves’ Great Big Selfish Dick Move
In the “True” route, once the Phantom Thieves remember their past lives, they struggle for a bit with the idea of whether they’re doing the right thing by opposing Dr. Maruki and the new timeline. He’s only trying to help people, after all. Including all of them.
But Ryuji gives a little speech that gets everybody on-board with changing Maruki’s heart and returning to the former reality.
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WOO! FUCK everybody else who is living their lives happily! FUCK all the people who are now LITERALLY ALIVE in the new timeline! Let’s re-murder them, re-traumatize people we know (umm wasn’t Shiho literally raped in the original world? but not in this timeline?................... so WTF are you fucking doing you fucking monsters??????), because ONLY WE CAN DECIDE ON OUR REALITY! And we remember the old, shittier one right now, so let’s .... default to that one I guess! Despite the fact that this is one is already established to be EQUALLY FUCKING REAL.
Shockingly, the rest of the team chooses THIS is the time to finally fucking respect Ryuji. (NOTE: The time to respect Ryuji was, in truth, every single damn day BEFORE this one. He’s an excellent human being. Or... he was. Before this moment.)
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BUT NOT EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN IT, YUSUKE! What about all those people who are happy here? And what about the fact that this reality isn’t any less real than your original one? Remember: This is LITERALLY happening. This is a valid AU. There’s no trickery employed. No illusions. This is a new timeline that is VERY real.
So, why?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!
.........................towards the end of the chapter, there’s an argument made that humanity has to suffer and overcome trials and struggle in order to develop and grow. Of course, we’ve fairly well shot down the idea that there’s zero suffering in this reality (see Concern #2 above) or that there’s no effort required (see Concern #3 above). But even if we hadn’t, there’s a bigger question to face here: Is there any evidence to suggest that people WON’T grow or evolve without struggle and suffering? Can we actually back that up, this idea that we have to “overcome” in order to become better people? 
I submit that we cannot. I further submit that this is the argument of the downtrodden; the argument of the sufferers who wish to justify their own misery to themselves. But in reality? They can’t say for certain that loss and trauma are “good.” 
In fact, let me argue right now that such things are inherently BAD. People who suffer from PTSD are far more likely to have suicidal ideation, and a 2021 study showed that suicide rates are more than four times higher for people suffering from PTSD than without. If we could really erase trauma and PTSD from our world, I think we can safely say it’d make a VERY lasting impact that would be EXTREMELY worth doing.
It seems that the “spirit of rebellion” within the Phantom Thieves extends to “any decision or idea any adult has ever implemented regardless of merit.” They’re teenagers, after all... and not a single one of them is as mature as someone like P3′s Mitsuru, so I accept that their knee-jerk rebellious instincts might be overriding their ability to think logically. 
Or, let’s be more charitable about it. MAJOR DIGRESSION: This could be a situation kind of like writing Star Trek: Insurrection. (I know most of you won’t understand what I’m referencing here. I’m sorry.) That movie presents a sticky ethical debate: Is it OK for a government to forcibly relocate a population of 600 people if their current homeland contains some natural healing mojo that could be used to save *billions* of people across the galaxy? Patrick Stewart once said that he was forced to make Picard very narrow-minded in order to serve the needs of the movie’s story. Because if that same story was presented in the format of multiple TV episodes, there would’ve been time to explore a bunch of alternative solutions that weren’t as binary as “force them out and take all the healing mojo OR leave them be and don’t take any of the healing mojo.” There would obviously be multiple negotiable middle grounds that just aren’t discussed because of time constraints. (To his credit, Picard DOES try to throw up a bunch of alternatives during his confrontation with a superior officer. They’re all shot down with hand-wavey explanations, but at least a few are suggested.)
DIGRESSION OVER. My point? Maybe that’s how it is here, too. Maybe the Phantom Thieves just can’t afford to sit around and discuss this matter in a serious debate because the game is already SUPER long; they need to get the fuck on with it and not just pump you full of non-interactive cutscenes, so Ryuji simplifies everything. ............. It’s just that he does so in a manner that makes the squad look really short-sighted and selfish.
In Conclusion
I took Maruki’s deal. That was MY ending to the game. And it might very well be the best ending available! Although I’d be willing to at least consider the original Non-Royal, didn’t-completely-Maruki’s-Confidant ending as a semi-contender... but DANG, yo. It’s tough to beat the Mega-Happy New Reality Ending. (I subsequently watched the rest of the “True” ending only on YouTube playthroughs, which is where I nabbed these screenshots.)
Taking Maruki’s deal results in basically everybody getting a fulfilling, beautiful life. Although I admit that I have no idea how Akechi is now part of the new reality... because he was never going to accept it, right? And we established repeatedly that those who don’t accept it can’t really reap the benefits, so... why is he now a legitimate “detective prince” whose external behavior from the first few chapters of P5 is now actually who he is inside? How’d THAT ever happen? Not sure about that shit.
Even so, it’s a long and beautiful ending full of gorgeous art of the squad all living their best lives. Morgana is relegated to just carrying “Miss Ann’s” bags while shopping, and he doesn’t even care - he’s just happy to be there. Makoto and Sae get to have dinners with their father again. Haru is more directly involved in the “Big Bang Burger” business, working to keep it ethical and respectful of the neighborhoods where they open as she prepares to carve her own path after high school. Makoto and Haru even get to graduate.
The whole thing wraps up with Sojiro inviting Joker to finish his high school experience in Tokyo. That’s right - he’s asked if he’d like to stay at the cafe and Shujin for his third and final year. Naturally, he’s happy to accept the offer. That means he’ll even be there for an overlap with Futaba’s FIRST year in high school. (Plus he no longer has to return to his small suburban town and his parents who NEVER ONCE CALLED OR MESSAGED DURING THE YEAR, WTF??? ............ or uh, maybe that happened offscreen?) 
It’s really weird how the writers of Persona 5 Royal SO THOROUGHLY argued against any possible downside of Maruki’s new reality. I get that they wanted a complex issue to grapple with, but if they really wanted us to choose to reject the new world and pursue the True Ending, they should’ve given us some kind of good reason, right? Even if it’s just a small reason, there’s got to be an argument that’s better than “I don’t like the idea that the timeline has changed”... which is ultimately all they’ve got. But I listed all the possible concerns above, and... they didn’t leave a single one of them standing. If they’d put just ONE of those potential problems in place, maybe I’d find the matter more debatable. 
Well, probably not Concern #5. That’s not really enough to justify erasing all this societal progress.
In the end, I’m left to ask you this:
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sillylittleflower · 4 months ago
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Hii Sophia :) if you'd like, i'd love to hear your thoughts on 6, 36 & 37 for the Simon ask game 💜🌾
Hope you're having a good week and staying cool 🥵 (idk if it's hot where you live though)
Hi June :)
Thank you so much for tagging me and sending an ask!💜
6. Worst personality trait
Okay I know this is unpopular and i don't know how to word this properly so it probably sounds worse than I mean it. I think he sometimes thinks that because the consequences will be worse if he does things wrong (which they absolutely shouldn't be) and he has come up with reasons to justify his behaviour, it is legitimate and he shouldn't suffer consequences. Like in the music room fight in season 1 I get that he was mad at Wille for what he said but I mean he still was also involved in the problem and should be involved in consequences or in coming up with solutions. Like obviously they shouldn't blame him but Wille said he didn't want that and wanted to come up with something and he literally said "I'm not gonna take the blame because the prince fucked up" but Wille said he didn't want to blame him and also he IS part of the problem, like he's not the only one, all the other guys are as well but he is too and idk i wish he acknowledged more that he also wasn't completely in the right there.
That being said that is basically the only thing he ever did that was even remotely questionable (the whole drug thing and how he dealt with it) and he was in a VERY difficult situation, I don't think I would have handled it better and he is so mature and reflected and kind and caring.
The only other bad trait is probably that he cares too much about other people and tries to help them to the point that he sacrifices his own well being and the people he does it for don't even want that (Sara).
Hope that made a little bit of sense
36. Their favorite season
I think he is a summer boy, I just think he rejoices in swimming in lakes, bike rides, picking berries and just in general spending time in nature while singing and humming.
37. What they really think about themselves
I think he thinks of himself as someone determined who knows what he wants and tries to achieve it. He seems to be hard working and he wants to have good grades to leave Bjärstad. And then he also sees himself as caring and he tries to make life as good and easy as possible for his loved ones. And as someone who thinks about society and wants to change the world for the better and he actively does something to achieve that.
And also thank you!!! It is hot where I am.
I hope you're having a wonderful week and that the heat is manageable!
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lostusagis · 5 months ago
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@jiraipink asked:
𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞!
How would the Yato sibs handle feelings of betrayal from someone they love? (Doesn't have to be romantic.) Do they seek out revenge? Wallow in sadness and melancholy? Or simply move on and forget?
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( Oh boy, I absolutely love this question thanks sooo much for sending it but also 💀 )
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( Kagura is the type that doesn't like lingering on things. She doesn't like to live in the past. However, being betrayed by anyone would hurt a lot regardless.
If a friend betrays her, it'll hurt. A LOT. She sees her friends as family basically, and for one of them to turn on her, treat her badly, etc... She's going to be torn over it. The most she'll do is probably punch them depending on what's been done to her, but she'll likely move on. Growing up, she always cried over everything so she tells herself all the time that it's not worth crying anymore. Not over someone who treats her badly especially. She'll do her best to just move on and forget, but if this is someone she's known for a while? Then it's going to sting for a while. This could go for platonic or romantic.
If the person is blood, Kamui That's something that'll be a lot harder to move on from. But depending on the situation, she'll try talking to them to see what happened. The likelihood of her father or Kamui ever betraying her is very little, but if it ever was to occur she'll try to smack sense into them. It's a lot harder for her to get over betrayal by her actual family. Hell, if Kamui never came around she would've went to the ends of the earth just to keep on convincing him to be her family again. It'll be really hard to accept betrayal from either of those two. She wouldn't be able to get over it. No matter what anyone says, and no matter how unreasonable it may seem. To her, friends can sometimes be temporary, but family is literally forever. )
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( OH BOY. You already know this guy is a mess. Trust is literally everything to him. attaining it is literally a mission in itself. Because betrayal is the exact thing he's afraid of. It's exactly why he doesn't like letting people in. When he found out about his dad hiding what was going on with his mother, that felt like betrayal. It definitely hurt a lot. This man. A man he looked up to so highly, was someone he striven to be like, kept such a huge secret from him. Kamui was so torn up about it, that he lost all respect for his father. He really will kill him if he experiences any kind of betrayal from him again. The only reason Umibozu is still alive is because of Kagura keeping them both in line.
Betrayal by family would genuinely hurt him a lot. Kagura is the only blood he does have complete trust in. If she was to betray him, he'd probably be crushed. He'd end up losing it. The thing is, despite his usual solution being to kill, he still couldn't bring himself to kill Kagura. Even if she did the worst thing imaginable to him, he still couldn't do it. He could never bring himself to kill his little sister. Had it been anyone else? Yeah. But Kagura was someone who made him have faith in others again, thinking maybe it was okay to trust, and keeping himself closed out from everyone wasn't the best solution. To be betrayed by her would hurt beyond belief, his will to live had already dwindled due to the guilt he's felt over his mother, betrayal from his sister would do him in at that point.
If we're talking friends, lovers, he would just kill them. Kamui even developing friendships/romantic relationships is a miracle in itself because of how hard it is to just befriend him. Kagura really is like the only person he trusts, as well as Abuto, though Kagura he trusts more on an emotional level and unless someone actively makes the effort to get to know him, and can endure his harsh words and attempts to push others away, befriending him is impossible. Trust from him needs to be earned, and betraying that trust will cost a person their life. When Kamui loves, he loves really hard. He puts his everything into anyone he loves. Friend, family, and partner. Even if he kills them, it's going to hurt a lot afterwards. It's hard for him to move past anything that's hurt him emotionally. He'll grieve what he lost. The memories, the smiles shared, the laughs, he'll never be able to get over it. He'll probably end up so overwhelmed by all of his unbearable emotions, he'll just break and completely lose it. He's not good at handling his feelings, especially the sad ones. They're always intense and hard to handle, and as much as he wants to pretend he's empty and emotionless, he's probably even more emotional than his sister. Moving on is something nearly impossible. )
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dykesynthezoid · 2 years ago
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ooo 3, 13, and 14 👀
let’s gooooo
I tried to edit this down but it’s still extremely long. I’m not sorry
3. Screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr
Oh but there’s so many. So, so many. Truly an unending amount.
A somewhat funny but overwhelmingly bizarre take I’ve seen is that when fandom has a female character they don’t like, they just decide to claim she’s homophobic??? Lmao?? Like they’re both so invested in all their gay ships and also hate her so much for not being 100% accommodating to everyone else at all times that their solution is to claim that. She must be the token straight who’s also a homophobe.
It’s always the same type of female character too btw. “Katara is homophobic” “Nancy Wheeler is homophobic” “Sam is homophobic” literally people hate women SO MUCH and the shit they have to come up with to justify it can be honestly fascinating. People will see a girl who has been even slightly bossy or headstrong or complicated once in their fucking lives and decide she’s the most evil bitch to ever exist. Like get over yoursellllffff!!! It’s SO embarassing for them
13. Worst blorbofication
Any blorbofication that 1. completely sandpapers any interesting flaws or nuance, 2. entirely invents positive or sympathetic traits that the character does not actually possess; these treats are frequently stolen from other characters within the same media, but who are in some way marginalized and therefore fans ~just can’t put their finger on it, but they don’t like them as much as their blorbo for some reason… But here’s all the character traits they stole from them and gave to their blorbo to make the blorbo seem cooler, of course
(Bro people will literally see a female character or a character of color with an interesting trait and go “YOINK!” and just slap it onto their boring white guy blorbo)
I would say an example of the first type, though, is Terry Silver. I don’t think it’s strange at all to feel affection for his character or be fascinated by him. I mean, look at him. There’s some wacky shit going on there, how can you not be fascinated? I do think it’s strange to build up a thing in your head where he’s always the victim, nothing is really his fault, he can’t be blamed, poor poor Terry he’s so sad and lonely, etc. Like idk maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely if he weren’t Terrible To Be Around because he actively enjoys hurting people. And I like that about him! I like that he’s so campily evil!!!
Anyway just let him be a fucked up little weirdo!! It’s what makes him interesting!! He’s literally a psycho biddy mixed with a byronic hero in the shape of the campiest gay villains imaginable, love and cherish him as he is.
19. That one thing you see in fics all the time
Hmm. Okay. So. I have a couple of these; one I truly dislike and another I just tend to note and go “hmm, interesting.” Let’s start with the more controversial one.
So. There’s such a thing in TKK and CK as canon-typical racism, right? It’s a reality that exists in both. And I think it would be wrong to expect any author, regardless of race, to just wholly ignore that, because again, it’s a reality of the story (and of the real world).
However. Would it be nice if people could let you know when the story is going to be full of slurs? Yeah, I think it would.
I understand why and how those are things that end up needing to be touched on. I don’t think authors should have to censor themselves in that aspect. But also; there’s such a flippancy, in how sooo many ck and tkk authors approach using those things in their stories. And I think it’s really fucking easy to be flippant, right, if it doesn’t affect you, if you’re not a part of the race that’s being targeted, and especially if you’re white. Of course it doesn’t seem like a big deal.
I also think people seem to genuinely somehow forget that someone could read what they’ve written and be triggered by it. Like. As if; in particular; Asian people don’t exist or wouldn’t be reading their stories??? It’s very strange. And it’s so easy to put in a little warning! It’s so easy! And why wouldn’t people be sensitive about something like that, when fandom racism can be so rampant on a broader scale?
And you could say oh, well people should expect that content because it’s in the source material. But like… we all regularly tag and warn for things as milquetoast as say, underage drinking. Which is also in the source material. So I’m really not getting how popping a quick content warning for canon-typical racism is so difficult.
(I also think some people genuinely seem to forget; or don’t care; about the history and trauma that comes attached to certain derogatory terms and slurs. “J*p” should not be something you are just throwing into your fic for fun. You need to have really thought about why you’re putting it there, the purpose it’s serving, what you’re saying about the character who says it).
On a slightly lighter note! Something I see all the time in Lawrusso fics (and sometimes other M/M fics with Daniel as well) is people just sort of struggling to figure out what to do with Amanda. And I’m not trying to condemn that, at least not altogether.
And I certainly prefer the current trend of her being supportive and finding any developments hilarious to the earlier portrayals of her just being the villain for no reason. But also, just leaving her in the wingwoman position and not bothering to add any dimension there can leave her very flat, and it’s a position female characters get put in often in regards to M/M ships.
One solution is of course in going the poly route, because it usually necessitates at least a little bit of rumination on Amanda’s perspective. But even then there’s no guarantee people add any dimension to her.
And of course; we’re speaking in trends here. This isn’t an issue of individual preference, or a pursuit in lambasting anyone on their personal work; it’s a discussion of something much larger.
I don’t think Amanda should somehow have to be an extremely nuanced focal point in every M/M Daniel fic (that’s just not possible, for one, lmao). But when people do choose to include her in a major way, I think it’s good to stop and consider how you can add a little depth or nuance. I mean, I’ve had to struggle with that myself, and I’m never really sure if I’ve succeeded or not. But I thought about it, and I kept it in mind, and I think even that can make a difference.
I myself often go the divorce route in writing her; although it. Usually doesn’t even have anything to do with what Daniel and Johnny are doing? It’s just that I think Amanda deserves to be with someone who’s not obsessed with karate. And I like Damanda, and I love Daniel, but like. Idk man! It’s a whole lot! And I think anyone could get tired of it. She quite literally did not sign up for that. And if you think her being Daniel’s wife puts her under some kind of obligation to always be understanding and always take his side and never question him; well. Ew, frankly. Just because Daniel also deserves support doesn’t mean she has to be on the same page as him or she’s a bad wife.
She’s literally her own person!! Let her be her own person!!!
(Literally I wish I could pay for her and Carmen to just go on a long fucking vacation. Let them have a fucking break and have mind-blowing gay sex away from all the karate nonsense and their identities as partners and mothers. What if they were just two hot perimenopausal women with complex inner lives and complicated pasts experiencing life together on a beach in Cabo. Y’know. And they could have a time together that’s about them, they’re the point, they haven’t somehow been relegated to a background pairing. And also there’s the gay sex).
(I think I got off track. What was I talking about? Oh, right.)
I think how quickly my mind will shove Daniel and Johnny out of way the moment Amanda and Carmen appear IS #feminism tbh. Like they might as well not exist to me when Amanda and Carmen are onscreen together, or when a story’s supposed to be about them. Daniel who? I’ve never heard of him. Also I think people should write long, beautiful Carmanda fics and then tag Lawrusso just bc they appear in the background for five seconds. I think it would be hilarious.
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lamplore · 2 months ago
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I don’t personally want to believe that Malenia was charmed, but I think that OP is a genius for pointing out that whether or not she was charmed… that’s not the point. The point is that there’s doubt, because Miquella compromised himself as soon as him removing others’ agency became a possibility.
If you’ve been following my ramblings for a while, you’ve probably seen me suggest that I think that the biggest consistent theme through all of Elden Ring’s narrative threads is the idea that agency matters. You might not be able to change the world, but there’s power in making active choices to bring about the world you’d like to see. We see that in Melina, Fia, and Ranni, as well as in Ansbach and Thiollier during the final fight. It’s why the Frenzy Flame ending is so drastically different from DS3’s peaceful End of Fire, and why Seluvis is the worst guy in the Lands Between.
I think it’s also where Miquella goes wrong. I think the suggestion with him is that he truly is the most compassionate being in the world, and he truly did care deeply not only for his siblings, but for every suffering person in TLB. He just couldn’t see that it’s not ethical to save people by removing their agency. You can’t just wish everyone into happiness and peace forever without destroying some part of their ability to choose their own fate. He’s essentially doing another version of the Frenzy Flame ending, which it’s worth mentioning is also typically brought about by compassion and a desire to save another from suffering (think us and Melina, or Vyke and his Maiden, or maybe Midra and Nanaya but I still don’t quite know about that one). I’ve also seen people genuinely arguing for the idea that the FF is the best ending for the inhabitants of the Lands Between because burning it all down means no one will suffer ever again. That’s compassion, but it’s a twisted compassion that totally erases the agency of the person or people you’re claiming to save. And that is Miquella, too.
(Also look at Miquella’s followers. Between Leda, whose obsessive devotion makes her bloodthirsty and paranoid, and the soldiers of the Haligtree, who literally invented a way to blow themselves up in service to Miquella even though they literally had no war to fight… the idea seems to be that an ideology like Miqqy’s, though well-intentioned, inspires a dangerous and destructive sort of faith in his followers. And his only solution to the Leda problem was to reduce her agency further with a charm.)
I think there’s also a pretty distinct narrative throughline that I’ll call… collaboration? Community? Something like that. The idea that you can’t strive for change all on your own. That’s the contrast between Ranni and her little band with Blaidd and Iji, (Remember how some of her final words to us are “Tell Blaidd and Iji I love them?”) and characters like Marika, who continuously used those closest to her for her own ends, and Miquella, whose excessive selflessness led him to take sole responsibility for Marika’s sins to the point of sacrificing himself piece by piece. I think the idea of collaboration, or at the very least trusting others in some sort of community, also shows up with Nepheli, Kenneth and Gostoc back in Limgrave. They’re a bunch of very different, very flawed individuals, but what matters is that they try to build something together.
So that’s another thing Miquella finds himself in opposition to. His character is basically built on metaphors for solitude, from Unalloyed Gold (an unmixed metal, purer but weaker than an alloy) to the Dryleafs (a dry leaf has fallen from its tree). There’s also the way he cuts out his other self so that not even she can suffer godhood with him (If Trina knew that Godhood would be a prison, Miquella surely did too) and his other cult, the Dryleaf Sect, who are so devoted to self-sufficiency that they refuse to speak to others or even look them in the eyes. These things are not healthy; compassion alone is not healthy. It needs to be tempered (alloyed?) by a sense of trust in others and their ability to make their own choices.
I think its pretty interesting that theres a bit of hinting that Melania was charmed by Miquella and theres also a bit hinting that she wasn't, and we'll probably never know for sure.
On one hand, Melania has always been "The Blade of Miquella" and deeply devoted.
On the other hand, she grew up being taught by the very person who sealed away the god of rot, but threw that all away to kill Radahn and nuke Caelid and after you defeat her, she calls you a "TRUE lord" with the implication there are lords out there not truly capable of being a lord.
It really feels like its making the point that the act of taking away peoples agency casts doubt of how genuine your support is
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rosietaeyongswife · 2 years ago
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love in the dark | lee taeyong
LOVE IN THE DARK PARING: lee taeyong x reader GENRE: angst, break up, established relationship WC: 4,5k SUMMARY: taeyong was your perfect boyfriend ever since both of you have started dating. you were his first true love and his life wasn’t great when you were absent. taeyong gave you his all and everything you have ever needed but it wasn’t enough. people changes and develop while growin up, and maturing. more freuquent fights between you two are growing on both of you. issue with literally everything from your side was getting worst. taeyong gave you love, and you did love him but you couldn’t love him in the dark anymore. TW: cursing, usage of drugs, mental illnes (depression), addiction
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“y/n i made breakfast.”
  voice of your boyfriend made you shift from your position. you checked time and it was 8:20 in the morning on saturday. your lovely boyfriend woke up before you just to surprise you with another special breakfast he made for both of you. 
“coming.”
  even after all this time you were dating each other he still does that. a little things you have never imagined about when you first met taeyong. gulit tripped over you as you were walking again towards kitchen knowing damn well you have never done such a things for him.
“i made some kimchi toasts and egg, here you go.” before taeyong put down plates he kissed you in the cheek as he always do to welcome you in the morning. “your tea will be done in a few seconds.”
“taeyong.” you sat down. “i told you so many times to not wake up before me just to make breakfast. i can do it myself.”
“you don’t like my meals?” he pouted. “if you want to, i can-”
“no, it’s not about that. i love your meals but i don’t want you to do it all the time. you desevre rest and i should do these kind of thins more often.”
“it’s not a problem at all. i enjoy doing it.”
  taeyong smiled softly and your heart ached at the sight. meeting person like lee taeyong was almost impossible among people these times. he was everything a girl possibly wanted because taeyong was caring. he was lovely. he was gentleman. he loved you. he respected you. he wanted the best for you. many would kill for that because at the top of that taeyong was the most handsome guy you have ever laid your eyes on. ideal.
   but taeyong was also person with a lot of issues who met you in a similiar condition. well, therapy with mr. park maybe wasn’t helping at all but at least you met there love of your life as you supposed at that time. being seventeen year old with a depression sucked and going to therapy only made your issues wider. your mother was concerned but at the same time couldn’t believe you. how could a teenager had a depression? she would always brushed it off until you almost killed yourself by impuls. she called all the right people and that’s how you found yourself in a therapy with mr. park. you supposed he was sociopath or psychopath because of the way he was talking.
“y/n, how many times do we see each other?” older man with crossed legs asked while touch the globe. “hmm?”
“four times a week.”
“exactly.” he smiled. “isn’t it weird how many times do we meet? i am a stranger whom you vent to because of your issues with mental health. i listen to you and then we should find solution but there’s none at this moment. you’re lazy for not doing anything with it.”
“excuse me?” you smirked. “aren’t you suppose to help me? i’ve been here for two months and there is no changes.”
“because you won’t take an action. you’re still stuck in a same cycle.” he rolled his eyes and threw globe on the floor. “you’re revolving around yourself but you don’t want to step further to see it from other point of view. i’m here to help you realize that.”
“i am so done with your bullshit mr. park. you always tell me this. always.” you shrugged. “and your ass advices doesn’t work on me. i’ve tried everything. i did things you asked me to and guess what.” you bended. “i feel the same fuckin way.”
  mr. park was watching you as you stood up.
“because you’re not trying. you have to see it yourself. if you don’t want help you will never recover.”
“you know what?” you took your things “fuck you. i don’t need your bullshit which never helps. bye.”
  you stormed out of the room at the same time as someone from room in front of one. he bumped into you which almost made you throw hands at him. as soon as your eyes locked together you forgot about being mad at boy who bumped into you. he has pretty silver hair and bueatiful eyes that soften when saw you. few seconds passed and none of you break an eye contact until someone asked you to move.
“sorry, should’ve been more careful.” he spoke with soft voice. “my bad.”
“no, no. it’s not a problem at all.” you smiled awkwardly. “i also should pay attention.”
  boy looking at you smiled wider and you could swear he looked like some kind of an angel.
“then we’re good.”
  you looked at him but turned around as soon as you felt he was still staring. a guy was looking at you as you leave but you didn’t turn back. after he bumped into you, you could notice room he left. it was room number eight. number eight was room belonging to mrs. kim jisoo who was an addiction therapist and psychologist. many freaks attendt therapy sessions in place called “health clinic kim&choi”. daily there is a lot of screams or weird guys trying to knock someone down. you witnessed most of this but the worst rooms were eight and twelve on second floor. people entering these rooms were most fucked up ones since one room was for addiction and second one for the worst ones. guy who bumped into you must be a problem.
  you met him once. then twice. once before visit. another time when both of you were going towards clinic. after sixth time you got to know his name. taeyong. lee taeyong was guy intrested in you since the very first time he saw you when you were fighting with mr. park during christmas eve. without knowing each other well taeyong asked you out on dates and months passed by while being with each other.
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  that was past. old taeyong was gone for a long time since both of you started dating. new taeyong and new you found peace of mind while being together. falling in love was something you have never expected and here you are. five years later living in small house you bought for your first big money. house was symbol of your love and bond you had together. 
“taeyong we should break up.”
  guilt was tripping all over you when you looked into taeyong’s eyes. of course both of you saw it coming somehow since your therapist warned you about love and your ignorance towards feelings and relationship. taeyong knew it all. taeyong knew you could never love him at the same level as he does.
“y/n.” he took your hands inside his. “i know you still got issues that are hard to maintain. i understand it fully. i also know i love you more which is fine with me. we don’t have to break up because i’m good with it. all the past five years was best time of my life, y/n.”
  you knew he would say that but it was hard for you to be in relationship with him since you know you only hurt him more and more.
“but you shouldn’t be good with it.” you hissed. “i loved you and i do but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to give you my all. my heart breaks even more when i see all the efforts you put into us. you deserves better.”
“no. don’t say that.” taeyong was panicking inside. you couldn’t leave him. “you’re most important person in my life and i can’t lose you. if you leave i’ll be no more good. you made me better person. i love you y/n. don’t do it to me. i won’t be able to handle that.”
“i can’t.” you wipped tears. “i can’t taeyong. i want you to be happy and i feel like you’re just restircted by me.” taeyong’s puppy eyes was filled with tears. “i want you to be best person ever without me. i keep bringing you down, can’t you see? i’m still stuck in depression while you overcome addiction. you made it but i am stuck. it’s growing on me and i can not be with you as it’s tiring for both of us. i hurt you.”
  taeyong got down on his knees holding your hand while sobbing crazy.
‘“stay, please. i can’t live without you. i overcame drugs because of you.” he was crying even more. “thanks to you i am best version of mysel. you don’t love me the way i do? it’s fine! i don’t mind but please y/n.”
“taeyong, it’s so wrong. you can’t stay with me.”
“don’t leave. y/n i beg you..”
  you knew if you answer him or look at him you would give in. you knew he had to get his eyes off of you so you could leave because you can’t do it with him watching you. taeyong’s sobs got louder and your heart breaks in half. you took your hand of his and you went to bedroom for your bags with your things.
“i’ll be back for rest in a two days. good bye taeyong.”
  he tried to scream and say something else but you closed the door of your house. you wanted taeyong to keep it. even tho it was mark of your realtionship it belonges to him and only him. it’s taeyong who poured his whole heart to make it room as beautiful as it is. he arranged everything he can and make it look like dream land. you’ll miss this place. your first house with first love.
  your mother welcomed you with tears in her eyes. only time you visited her was when something goes wrong between you and taeyong. last time was two years ago when taeyong and you had argument about your medications you took at the time. he noticed you didn’t take them for few days and your well being was bad. he was so scared of you and you had enough of him so you went to your mothers flat in centre of seoul. she was almost crying when she saw you but today she was crying. her only child come backs again after argument with only person who could understand them.she was thankful for taeyong since she could never understand you and never took you seriously.
first time your mother and your boyfriend met was when both of you were dating for a year and taeyong was upset with your mum because you called at the seven pm to tell him your mother wanted to stop your therapy. taeyong har rage inside of him when he opened the door of your old flat. all he could hear was you crying and your mother screaming.
“are you crazy mrs. shin?” he screamed while rushing to living room. “you don’t want your daughter to be better? to be finally healthy? you don’t fuckin understand what she’s going through. you’re her mother and it’s you who should support her. you!” your mother was shocked. “are you going to leave her at her own with her problems? i suppose you know exactly what would happen. leave her on the therapy since she needs it. i want her alive.”
  you didn’t care about anything at that time since you heard your boyfriend spoke to your mother. both of you were surpised as taeyong was literally burning with rage. she looked confused at him.
“as far as i know i am her mother and i know exactly what’s best for my child.” taeyong laughed sarcasticly.
“oh you know? then why she doesn’t trust you? or therapist want her to attend therapy since her mental health is so messed up? she needs it and you want to fuck it up! so pathetic.”
“i had no idea-”
“because you didn’t take your own daughter seriously. instead of doubting her you should be the one who encourage her to change.” your mother was embarrased. “y/n take your things and you can stay tonight at my place. good bye mrs. shin.”
  without anything else you took pijamas and all you needed. your mother was looking at you amused when you left her flat. it was so new. someone told her truth. someone made her realize what a damage she was making. 
  taeyong was scared to the core when he was watching you at his bed. 
“i can go sleep on the couch, you have a place here.” he kissed your forhead. “if you anything scream.”
“no.” you grabbed his hand. “stay here with me. it’s your bed after all. and i wouldn’t mind having you in the same bed.”
  taeyong looked at you with smile. he was proud you trusted him and he felt amazing by it since he helped you through a lot.
“our little y/n wants to sleep with me. cute.”
  you made space for him as he was laying down. you felt asleep in his arms safer than you have ever felt.
  you didn’t came back for rest of your things since you had to be in work doing makeup’s for small advertaisments. everyone was fast because director was late and everything was gettind delayed while you have to be at another place in an hour. it was direcor’s fault but no one actually blamed him since he was big name in a industry. this day can get any worse.
  it’s almost midnight when you get into your car finally able to go home after work. your thought wondered about your now ex. you wanted to know what he feels right now but it was impossible since it would only make things worse. after checking if you have all your stuff you turned engine on. twenty minutes and you will be at your mum’s place. able to relax and have quick shower to wash away all the thoughts you had for past few days. 
  suddenly your phone rung. you had to park the car on a empty alley. you answered the call.
“hello, is that shin y/n?” a female asked. 
“hello, yes it’s me. what happened?”
“i’m calling from university hospital in seoul. i am nurse and my name is park sooyoung and i want to inform you that lee teayong is at hospital. he is on surgery and has stomach cleaning since he overdoesed on drugs. please, we want you to come her as soon as possible since you have to fill up patient’s card and you were the only person in his phone to call during emergency.”
“yes ofcourse.”
  your whole world stopped. it’s impossible, it can’t be happening. taeyong let go of drugs four years ago and he had never thought of getting back to it. he overcame his worst addiction and now he overdoesed. your hear was beating and your whole body was shaking as you run to the hospital. few people were looking at you as soon as you get to the reception point.
“i’m lee taeyong’s..” you had to lie. “wife. i am his wife. he overdoesed tonight. where’s he?”
“oh mrs. lee?”
“yes, we’ve been married for a month but i haven’t change my last name yet.” 
“oh, i understand.” she smiled at you. “right now he is under coma before second surgery. he is on third floor, room number 61. you have to fill up his patient’s page so please here it is.” she handled you peper and pen. “fill it up. give it to me and go there. doctor will explain everything to you as soon as you show up.”
“sure. thank you.”
  your tears dropped on a piece of paper while you were signing it. you saw foggy text because of tears in your eyes. everything was so messed up and you just couldn’t stop shaking. addiction history - you had to write down cocaine. it was driving you nuts. everything took you less than five minuts. you were runing on the third floor and through glass you could see your boyfriend getting ready on a surgery. nurses were all on him while you could only look through the window from the outside. soon after doctor showed up.
“are you his relative?”
“i am his wife.”
“okay then.” he closed the door. “your husband took deadly amount of cocaine which caused his heart to stop. he was lucky his friend visited him because five more minutes and your husband was dead. we have to clear his whole body and get rid of cocaine from his body. we have no idea when he will wake up.” you were crying even more. “was it his first time? was he addicted?”
“t-taeyong was drug addict.” you wipped your tears. “he was addicted for two years and for four years now he is free of it.”
“durig this period of four years he had never used cocaine?”
“no, he haven’t! we spend together majority of time and we do check’s up.”
“okay.” he write down something. “do you know what could cause it?”
“w-we broke up few days ago.” you sobbed crazier. “i wanted to break up and that’s propably it.”
“sure. he needs support right now so please take any private issues aside and support him tonight. he needs it as hell since his state is very bad. we will try to do our best.”
  he walked away and you sunk on the floor. guilt was exploding in you when you watched as nurses took taeyongs to surgery room.  it felt like fever dream and you didn’t want to be in that because you were blaming yourself. your boyfriend was fine for past four years. therapy, medicine and you helped him get through it. he had never touched any other substance and one day fucked it all up. you don’t know what you do if he dies. researching on internet just in 2017 almost 14,000 people died on cocaine overdose. you prayed for your taeyong to be better. prayed for him to wake up. he can’t leave world like that. not him.
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“your therapist and clinic know everything now mr. lee.” doctor handled him papers. “they wanted to make an appoinment with you and talk about it since you might have long term side effects after overdose. please, do check up in every two weeks.”
“yes. good bye.”
  taeyong looked embarrased at you. shame. he felt shame when you were driving him to house we used to share. place was empty for two weeks. surgery was done and taeyong’s body accepted treatment well. doctor did they best to bring him back to life. and you haven’t left the place not even once. you stayed in hospital day and night until he woke up. you helped in treatment and taking care of him. bought everything needed, and first thing you do before taking him back to home was to go to pharmacy to buy all the medicines he needed.
“listen y/n. i’m so sorry for what happened and what a hard time i caused you-”
“not now. you don’t have to be sorry taeyong. it wasn’t complectly your fault and i understand. also, we don’t have to talk right now. you jus get out of the hospital. let’s take you home and you should rest. maybe a good bath even?” you smiled lightly. “after that we can talk.” taeyong just nodded.
  of course you were mad at taeyong for past events but you weren’t so cruel to start an argument inside of the car while he just was out of hospital. 
  also your madness went down after you met taeyong’s old dealer called chanyeol. you knew him pretty well because of first year of dating taeyong while he still was going through recovery so finding him wasn’t an issue at all. chanyeol was in club when you bursted into place with anger painted on your face. he looked confused when he saw you. without wasting any minute, you went to him and slapped him in the face so hard he fell. while he was screaming at you, you punched him on the nose causing it to break. few curses let slide from your mouth and he knew why were you there. he also knew taeyong was cocaine free and while chanyeol sold him drugs he made him overdose. security took you out while you were calling chanyeol names and deep down he felt guilt.
“i heard you broke chanyeol’s nose.” taeyong mumbled while being covered under the blanket. “is that true?”
“who told you?”
“mark.”
“yes it’s true. motherfucker sold you cocaine even tho he knew whole story. you are his ex friend and after all that he chose to sold it to you.”
  he giggled lightly.
“i would kill to see you breaking his nose.” you slapped his shoulder. “i want to thank you for everything. i was immature for it and i am so sorry. you didn’t have to help me during my stay in hospital. i don’t know.” he was shameful. “i was just broken. you left and i just wanted to let go of feelings and i had to.”
“taeyong promise me you’ll never do it again. i almost had heart attack because of you. i don’t want you to get hurt or die. you were free for four years now and in just one night you almost died. you’re lucky as hell. please, don’t do it again ever.” you knew how easily taeyong could get trigger for drugs. “i’ll stay. i won’t leave you but please.”
 suddenly his eyes light up and he was holding you tight in a hug. you had to promise him that because you know now he is going to do drugs when you leave.
 it was first time when you two broke up and get together. first but not last.
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“glad to know you enjoy it at least.” you hummed as you were about to eat toast. “did clinic call?”
“not yet.” he smiled. “they will propably in a few days, don’t worry y/n.”
  six months later from overdose you were still with taeyong. you couldn’t leave him because of few issues with it. you were scared that another time will end up with taeyong’s death. it’s not what you would want to happened. you were trapped into relationship. it wasn’t healthy at all and taeyong knew this. taeyong also knew he isn’t going to do drugs again but when he see you’re still with him he can’t help but not tell you.
  people grow and change, that’s what happened between you two. past few years gave you life experience you never expected. your depression was fading away only issue you had was your emotions and rather lack of them. mr. park explained it to you - you simply don’t love lee taeyong and guilt is haunting you down. he was giving you everything while you couldn’t do the same.
  taeyong’s accident also changed your view on world. no one expected to stay the same after what happened. his friends would visit you more frequently and you would check on him just to be sure taeyong won’t do stupid things again.
  at the other side, your boyfriend got soften. he wanted to treat you the best because you helped him with so many things it was almost impossible to do. also, you gathered strenght. past few weeks you were focused on yourself. self love. that’s what you needed first which lead to a lot of fights between you and taeyong. it was you who would start them since taeyong would only agree with you and try to calm you down.
“now it’s me who have to deal with consequences of your actions.” you snapped. “not you. not your friends but me. don’t you see i also suffer?” taeyong was looking at you in disbelief. “we would never have to go through it if you just could let me go. break up was the best option for us but no.” you hissed. “don’t leave me, stay.” you mocked. “i am so done. i am with you but i still feel guilty even tho as i’m looking at it now it’s not my fault.”
“y/n please. i am so sorry for everything. i apologized hundred of times and i still will. how else should i do? i love you from the bottom of my hear and you still don’t love me. i need you in my life and i don’t complain.”
  your fight was going on during party at doyoung’s house. he had birthday and invited all his friends with their partners. everything went smoothly unless taeyong pissed you off. today you were fed up of everything and your relationship with taeyong. 
“i don’t care. i wanted to leave and instead i am traped with you.”
“then leave.” he shouted. “then leave me, the fuck.”
“for what? for you trying to overdoes again?”
  you didn’t wait for any response and just walked away from him leaving taeyong alone by the pool. as far as you were getting the more you regretted. you were too harsh on him. on your sweet boyfriend who loves you the most in the world. when you felt guilty you turned and went back to the pool but there was no sight of taeyong.
“hey, taeil.” you screamed. “have you seen taeyong?”
“no, i haven’t.” he smiled. “go ask mark they both were talking not so long ago.”
  running into house full of people you noticed mark.
“no, i don’t know. maybe he left already?”
  running through alleys of doyoung’s neighbourhood was pretty much tiring since this place is huge. taeyong couldn’t go so far. while asking few people you were loosing hope of seeying him tonight but at the end of dark alley you could see a male with water in the hand.
“taeyong.”
  he turned back and saw you. tears. there was shadow of tears on his face and you knew you fucked up.
“what do you want?”
“i am sorry. i should never used such a words.”
“you’re not happy with me. shit. five years by each other is a long time don’t you think?”
“it is. taeyong i am sorry but i mean what i said.” you looked down. “our life is too messed up for us to be together. i feel like you’re the only person i know but we’re too different now. i-” taeyong felt it coming and knot in his stomach tightened. “i don’t love you taeyong, i am sorry. i wish i could love you the same way as before. i can’t do it. it’s draining me down. i wished to meet my perfect boyfriend and i met you. maybe you’re too perfect for me?”
“i am not. you deserve so much better and i am a fool. fool for everything i’ve done but i did it for love. i have never stopped and i will never stop loving you.”
“i know taeyong. i think it’s our good bye. i hope we will never see each other again for sake of our happines and well being. you’re example of book’s boyfriend and you should love someone who is on your level. i am still trying to love and i am sick of it. it’s fine, i understand how things went in our life. i know.” taeyong was crying again. “don’t cry. you will meet your other half.”
“do you think it’s necessery?”
“of course taeyong.”
  both of you were laying down on your bed. in an hour people will come here because they are intrested in buying this house. it’s the last time both of you were in yours house. last time both of you see each other. last memory of you two. taeyong promised you to be good and to not do drugs anymore. he will take care of his health. you at the other side will change your whole life and you can’t stay in seoul so that’s why you’re moving to daegu.
  taeyong learnt you a lot of things. thanks to him you got to experience love, happines, pain, gratefulness, friendship and everything. he stopped trying to change your mind. he understood you’re leaving. you’re not in love him as you used to.
“you made me miserable and i still loved you. thank you y/n for building me and helping me develop myself.”
“thank you for showing me proper way of living and your love.”
  it’s done. lee taeyong is no longer your boyfriend and you’re free of him. you had to be cruel to be kind. you’re doing it just for taeyong’s sake and happines. he will be grateful to you one day for your actions. as for now all good memories and time with taeyong became core memory in your brain that you will never ever think about again. 
  you’re not the only ones. people been here before as every other couple. people break up with each other when their time comes to an end. it’s never ending cycle and there is nothing to regret. but you wanted to live not only survive. life to fullest without worrying and being hold back. 
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astaroth1357 · 4 years ago
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The MC is a Valkyrie
Demigod MC Series: Intro
Greek: Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2, Poseidon, Ares, Hestia, Nyx
Norse: Valkyrie
A bit of a change of pace this time! No worries, I'm not done with the Greeks or anything. I just had this idea and wanted to get it out. 
Valkyries aren't really demigods, but are a part of Norse myth as the minor divinities that help choose and deliver fallen warriors to Valhalla to join the ranks of the einherjar (the souls who will fight when Ragnarok comes). Valkyries are depicted as women who are fierce warriors in their own right. Despite their place as the gatekeepers of the Chosen, they've been said to sometimes take heroes and mortals as lovers or take residence in Midgard posing as daughters of royals/nobility. 
Lucifer 
At first, they thought they grabbed an heiress - which would have been bad enough - but then the MC grew wings, drew a spear, and asked who among them wanted a glorious death...
How hard is it to find ONE damn human on Earth? Isn't that realm supposed to be full of them??
Diavolo was thankfully able to talk their winged friend down from skewering Asmo and accepting the exchange on behalf of the human wo-… Midgard. 
Living with a Valkyrie is different for sure. The MC is a proud woman who takes her role very seriously and she's seemingly deemed him and his brothers as candidates for einherjar (despite being demons).
He's tried many, many times to explain to her that they're not interested, but she's unconvinced. Now the MC watches his brothers like a hawk waiting to cart one of them off to Valhalla! Any mortal wound could be an excuse...
He's had to save Beel and Satan twice from getting dragged to that infernal palace… For whatever reason, she seems to have taken to them the most. Is it old Norse culture to favor the brash and strong? He has no idea...
At the very least, she knows better than to try to drag him into her little plans. Though he's sure he could qualify for the einherjar (obviously, why wouldn't he?) he has no interest in leaving his life here behind.
To think he'd actually have to put surveillance on his own brothers for their safety… But they're not going to get drafted into some ancient Norse war, not if he can help it.
Mammon 
She’s an heiress… An heiress!!
Well, her human world identity is an heiress to a well-respected (and rather magical) rich family but that still technically counts! She’s crazy loaded back there! He’s in love!!
The only problem is that in the Devildom she doesn’t have a cent.
… and the fact that she keeps trying to get him killed. That’s also a problem.
In a way, things are not as bad and exactly as bad as that sounds. The MC apparently wants him to go to Valhalla (dope) but she can’t just take him there… He technically has to die in some kind of “vallent battle” first.
Her solution? Pick fights with nearly anything that moves and drag him into it!
Honestly, it’s pretty annoying… Sometimes he just wants to have a fun night out without getting into a barfight, you know??
At least the MC can handle herself… Hell, he was her "babysitter" but she barely even needed him. A lesser demon once made the bad idea of trying to cup her ass and lost a hand for his trouble…
Though, what this amounts to is the MC starting something then fighting alongside him like back-to-back badasses while looking for any excuse to scoop him up and fly him to Asgard!
Why does he put up with this? Well for starters human world rich is still rich, all he has to do is get himself a portal then he's living the high life! And secondly, well… what's the harm?
Sure, she technically wants him dead but he's the secondborn! The list of people who can take him down is so slim that it's not like he's in any danger. She even fights with him so things are a piece of cake!
Is this a case where he's 100% more forgiving because she's rich? Yes. Absolutely. But a golddigger's gotta eat somehow, right?
Leviathan 
Is it weird to be jealous over someone not wanting you to die...?
Okay, that's an oversimplification but Levi can’t help but feel snubbed that the MC doesn’t have any interest in taking him to Asgard. Like, none! And why not??
He’s strong! He’s tough! He’s part snake too! Don’t the Nords have a thing about that? Like, there’s a giant snake they’re all worried about?? Maybe he could communicate with it!
Logically, Levi knows that he really shouldn’t press her on this… MC is pretty much a Grim Reaper with a Norse coat of paint and Asgard doesn’t really sound like his speed. No anime, no video games, not even cable! It’s just eat, train, and drink all day… Ew.
But still… What makes him an odd one out? 
At best, she just knows he wouldn't be happy there. At worst, she's underestimating his skill… or maybe she's gauged him just right? He's always known he was weak!! 😫
Oh well... at least she's not a bore to be around. Far from it. She treats EVERYTHING like a life or death trial - he's pretty sure that if he challenged her to rock, paper, scissors she'd commend him for his bravery and swear on her sisters that she won't lose.
He once made the mistake of inviting her and Simeon for a game of Devil Party and they both got so into it that they nearly had a duel to the death as a tiebreaker… 
Thank Devil that the game had a pre-programmed minigame for that kind of thing… It would have gotten messy otherwise.
Well, even if his other brothers go to Asgard, he can just chill out here with Lucifer and Asmo… right…? Actually, no, that sounds horrible! MC, he changes his mind!! Take him too!!! 😭
Satan 
How many times does he have to say that he doesn’t want to go to Asgard?!?
Well, okay that’s not entirely true. Out of scientific curiosity, seeing the godly realm of the old Nords would be fascinating but he doesn’t want to stay, which the MC seems to have trouble understanding…
He’s not even sure why she's singled him out for einherjar status… Any one of his brothers are powerful beings in their own right and he’s not particularly, uh, “even-tempered” himself...
His best guess is she saw him wipe out a handful of lesser demons at some point and declared him Ragnarok material. He always ends up throwing around at least three of those idiots a week so checks out… 
If he's being honest, her very existence raises so many questions… Does this mean that Ragnarok is real? Will the human world be swallowed up by the sea? Will the gods of Asgard fight and die as a new world is established? When??
Unfortunately, the MC won't tell him when it all will come to pass (he suspects even she doesn't know) just that Loki will trigger it… Someone keep tabs on that guy.
Until then, he just has to put up with her attempts to convince him but his patience is wearing thin… He's pretty sure he threw a bookshelf at her once but she caught it anyway so yeah...
He did challenge her to a proper duel too but… well let's say she's a Valkyrie for a reason and leave it at that. (Being saved by Lucifer was so humiliating… He's done here, move on already!!)
Asmodeus
First things first, she's gorgeous. Beautiful! Divine! (Literally 🤭)
Now that that's out of the way… She may also have a screw or two loose.
Like, he gets it. She's a Valkyrie and snapping up strong souls is her thing but come on… Mammon? Really? Why would he get into Valhalla instead of him, huh??
Why can't he get to go to the beautiful afterlife of the old Norse with all their strapping warriors, lovely maidens, and endless partying?? It's not fair!!
Ugh… and now she's got him sounding like LEVI! How frustrating…
Well, it may not be that bad. According to MC, he'd have to do battle training in Valhalla and that wouldn't really agree with his beauty routine. Like dirt, sweat, blood, and muscles? No thanks! Not for him.
He asked MC if he could get some kind of pass, but no dice… Maybe he could still convince her to let him vacation there… Or go for a visit? Just one? Surely that couldn't be so bad right?? He's heard that Thor looks NOTHING like people think he does and he's so curious!!
The closest he's ever gotten was challenging the MC to a fashion contest for a visit, but he dropped that idea quick when she proposed that they somehow include a wrestling match in the dressing room (and he knows she didn't mean the fun kind...)
As much as he'd love to get skin-to-skin with MC, the idea of getting locked in a chokehold was less appealing for some reason. 🤔
Ah well, he'll just have to make due admiring her wonderful body clothed for the time being… There's something to be said about muscular ladies, no?
Beelzebub 
So she’s almost convinced him to join the einherjar like twice now…
He’s not the best at making decisions when he’s hungry and the MC keeps hyping up the food… Apparently it’s really good up there and MC says that she’s never seen an empty platter... Just thinking about it makes his stomach do backflips.
Thankfully for him, Lucifer usually steps in before Beel can sign his soul away and reminds him that he can’t just abandon the family for a meal, even if it is a feast.
You'd think he'd be annoyed but Beel isn't really bothered by her habit of trying to bring everyone to Asgard. At least not on a personal level.
Like Lucifer, he doesn't want to see his family broken up so he'd rather she wouldn't… But she's a Valkyrie right? It's what she does. It's not like she can help it.
In a weird way, he also thinks she means well. She just respects them and wants them to have a good afterlife. It would be kind of sweet if they didn't have to die for it first…
If he's being honest, he's not that worried about it anyway. His family is pretty tough, not a lot in the Devildom can take them down. As long as they're careful, everybody should be alright. 🙂
Maybe he could get MC to make some Valhallan food for them in the Devildom… Or he could get one of those immortality apples?? Though those would extend his life wouldn't they…? Oh well...
Belphegor 
Belphie's attempt to kill the MC went something like this:
Belphie: *switches to his demon form* "I can't believe you actually trusted me!"
MC: *blinks* "Oh. So you want to challenge me then?"
Belphie: "What?"
MC: "Ah, now I see! You want to fight to prove your valor then die by my hand??"
Belphie: "What are yo-??"
MC: *summons wings and golden spear* "I like your spunk, demon!! Fight me with all you have and perhaps I'll take you to Valhalla! May you join us in our fight as a brother!!"
Belphie: "What the hell are you talking about!?!"
To his credit, he put up a good fight and probably would have gotten into Asgard if Lucifer hadn't intervened to save his life.
It can be said that the MC's Valkyrie-hood took Belphie completely by surprise. Sure, he thought she was a little weird for a "human" but challenging him to a duel to the death? That came out of nowhere!
His uneasiness about her only grew after he found out that she's been literally trying to get Beel killed! How in the world were his brothers so relaxed about this?? She's insane!!
So say what you will about the MC, but she's managed to do the impossible. She got Lucifer and Belphie to make up and work together on something! (i.e. making sure she doesn't send them all to their deaths)
Between Lucifer monitoring his brothers and Belphie watching the MC, they'll keep everybody in the Devildom where they belong. That's a promise!
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obsidiancreates · 2 years ago
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Meet Mondo Gecko Liveblog
Oh no, Mikey's experiencing ADHD understimulation! This is a dire emergency, it's the worst feeling ever.
Raph. You're embarrassed for Mikey to catch you playing with action figures? That. Wh-why?
Oh Donnie don't condescend- he's condescending. Wait, no, he was in hyperfixation mode and started happily infodumping. That was just Autism meets ADHD.
CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HE'S BORED TOO YESSS MIKEY AND CASEY HANGOUTTTTTTTTTTT THEY'RE SKATING ON ROOFTOPS TOGETHER YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Who the fuck?
Casey how often do you say "Another mutant?" in that exact tone of voice?
No no Skatermander was good. Way better than Mondo Gecko.
Yeah I'd attack them too if they picked "Mondo Gecko" over "Skatermander". That's just disrespectful. That's cruel.
SERIOUSLY WHY WASN'T THIS THE THEME ANIMATIONS WHEN THEY WERE ACTUALLY IN THE FUCKING FARMHOUSE?!?!?!
Oh I hate Mondo, actually.
Casey, you don't know what a Gecko is? How?
Awwww, this is nice! Mondo likes being a mutant! That's fun!
Wait but what happened to Lars? Is Lars okay? HIS PARENTS KICKED HIM OUT?!?!?!?!?!? I HAVE TO KILL THEM I NO LONGER HATE MONDO
Listen to Casey, maybe? Maybe Casey has good intuition?
WHY DID YOU GUYS KNOCK OVER THE HOMELESS MAN'S CART?!?!?!?!
MIKEY NO I ALSO PREFER BOOYAKASHA BUT DON'T FUCKING DISS THE COWABUNGA
Yes Goongala is also good, Casey.
Old scho- I see you writers and I detest you
Oh Caseyyyyyyyy! My boyyyy!
Oh Mikey, I try so hard to defend your intelligence...
Oh good... Hun is back... KICK HIS ASS CASEY- PFFFFF CASEY LITERALLY SAID "EUGH" I LOVE HIM
CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SWEETIEEEEE
Oh Mondo. Please stop being annoying so I can sympathize with you.
Yeah this part of the season is. I'm feeling bored. Everyone is irritating. Except Casey. I am happy that Donnie hasn't been Weird about April in a while, though.
CASEY LEARNED SELF-RESTRAINT YAY
Pfffft 4 Cops from Casey.
MONDO SHEESH
OUT LIKE YOUR MOM IN A BEAUTY PAGENT?!?!?!?!? CASEY THAT WAS A DEATHBLOW AND ALSO SEXIST WTF
Mikey, uh. Maybe don't choose Mondo over Casey
CASEY NOOO HE GOT GOT
Awww Raph and Donnie gaming against each other! Raph wanting to hang with Casey! Good stuff! I'm savoring breadcrumbs here people, the water is getting thin.
... Mr... X? I... worry. ... Is it Rat King?
MIKEY IN A CAGE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OH OF COURSE IT'S XEVER OF COURSE IT'S XEVER HIS NAME LITERALLY HAS AN X
Does Xever run an underground death skateboarding competition? Holy shit, he does. What?
HE GOT CASEY TOO NO
I wish I felt bad that Mondo got caught but. i feel very little for him. I'm sad he got kicked out but that's the exte- is that the We Will Rock You beat in the backgroun?
HOW MANY FUCKING MUTANTS ARE OUT THERE WHAT
IT'S TRUE HE IS SMART JUST A PARTY DUDE
OBLIGATORY HUMAN ALLY OH GOD WAIT HE IS OH NO XEVER KNOWS HIS TV TROPE CHARACTER TYPE oh Casey sweetie you're really not paying attention in English are you?
Love that none of the voice actors for the other mutants are here so they're just making grunting noises.
XEVER IS A SKATER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I guess it adds up but I-I'm still surprised. Oh okay they got Baxter's VA.
CASEY FOR THE WIN CASEY FOR THE WI- Spiderbytes is in the audience?
HEY XEVER HAS ROCKET BOOSTERS WHAT A FUCING CHEATER
Oh there we go we got Clancy and Eric to say one line each
XEVER YOU BITCH
GOOD JOB MIKEY GOOD JOB CASEY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BOTH
His fish... respond... to shouts? Above water?
Pffff good reaction shot
I'm getting bored with this one, not gonna lie. A fish was implied to bite Mikey's nuts and like I'm just kinda tired of this stuff.How'd we go from the Golden Standard of Dream Beavers to many episodes in a row that are so... not... great?
I did like that Casey's solution was "Whack Mondo as hard as possible to win by any means necessary".
Yaah I'm with April instant "Eugh" after Mondo did a Sexist.
Oh Mikey broke the fourth wall again. Okay.
I'm tired. These episodes have like... like they're full of energy... but not the right energy.
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zepskies · 1 year ago
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Could this be a turning point for how M.M. sees Ben? 👀
So...short answer is yes! This chapter definitely explores that possibility and that potential for shifting how M.M. sees Ben, now that he sees how Ben has changed at this point. But yes, "dusty motherfucker" tickled me to write, so glad you shouted that out! 🤣🤣
“She considered that with a tilt of her head. “Let’s just see what happens here.”” — That’s actually very surprising coming from Grace, are the cogs in her brain already turning?
Oh very much so. She's waiting to see what happens to the reader, as she knows that if the worst happens, it could potentially make Ben spiral and become unpredictable.
But if she lives, then Grace still has the opportunity to steer Ben in a direction Grace sees as "optimal" (getting him out of the U.S., or using him to her advantage as she ultimately does.)
Lol Annie and Ben eyeing each other with "boyfriend vs. best friend" vibes. 🤣🤣
““So why’re you wasting time? Do your fucking job,” Ben snapped.” — I feel so bad for Ben, without her, he has literally nothing left 🥺 and even though we know how this is gonna turn out, I’m still so stressed out about her condition right now 😭
Such a good point here. That really is the stakes for him here, even if he wouldn't admit it out loud. 😢😢
I hope they [Frank and Loco] get to have a moment with Pookie, they’re legit her adoptive family at this point.
Oh they most certainly do get their moment with her! And even if they walk away, they'll always have this connection.
I seriously love that you’ve brought up Lenny, and how Butcher sees him in Hughie! It’s such a key part of their bond.
That's one of my favorite aspects of Butcher. He has two soft spots: Becca and Lenny. And now, therefore, Ryan and Hughie.
Butcher and Ben appeal to me most, I think, because they're both these gruff men who potentially have soft centers, if you know what buttons to press. I always fall for the "hard man who's soft for their one person" trope. (Evidently lol.) 🫠🫠
LOL I love that you mentioned Tony. Fuck that guy. ✌🏽But I also love Frank and Loco's bromance. 😂😂 I love my stoic king and quasi-younger brother/wild card sidekick. And Frank just might get that nurse's # before he leaves the hospital. 😏 (shit, why do I wanna write a one-shot just for Frank now. 😂)
[About Ben and the "V" decision...]: This is a key moment for him for sure. He ultimately does respect her wishes, but if he had no other option he would've given her V24. Because you're right, he wants her to live more than anything else. She would've been pissed, but ultimately I think she would've understood why he made that decision (he couldn't take the possibility of losing her).
“Yeah, normal blood. A supe’s blood is stronger. Yours could probably heal her,” Frank said. “But, the only one who can break your skin is you.” — Oh shiiiiiit, fucken oath Frank you smarty pants!!! He’s doing more for her then Jon ever did 🤙
Literally. Frank coming in with the Solution! But nah, Ben don't give a flying fuck about things like decorum and boundaries and sanitary stations. 🤣🤣
“Grace, Annie, and M.M. stared after him with mixed reactions of confusion and curiosity.” — Do they know that he donated his blood to her?
Yes they do! They're watching him walk off without a word, that's why they're confused. Like dude, you just got good news, where TF are you going? But it's because, again, he doesn't want them to see him express his emotions (overwhelming relief), which he does later by himself after he walks away.
“Just answer the question. Be honest for once in your motherfuckin’ life,” M.M. said. “Do you really think you’re a hero?” — Is this right here him making sure that Ben’s intentions aren’t malicious, that he legit just wants to help people?
This is M.M.'s way of judging if Ben realizes how much damage he's caused people in the past (namely killing M.M.'s grandfather and not even remembering or caring). And he's asking if Ben's attempts at heroism now are still just selfish, or if he wants to be better than he was. M.M. wants to know if there's truly more to Ben than just the "asshole supe" that made up Soldier Boy in the past.
"Do you really think you're a hero?" -- As we all know, the ultimate irony of supes in "the Boys" is that they're inherently selfish. They only care about what their power gets them. And Ben has been literally the original example of that.
“You grasped the pitcher, but the plastic actually crunched in your hand. You gasped and moved your hand over so the water inside wouldn’t spill all over you.” — I knew it! I wonder if it’s just temporary, it probably is aye?
Yep lol. Just temporary, but remember this scene! It's gonna come into play in something I have lined up for after BMD...
“Your hand slid down his arm and slipped into his hand. Your fingers curled around his palm.” — Brb, just gonna go and get some tissues for all this fluff so far 😭💖
I sent you all virtual ones for a reason! 🤧🤧 But yeah I for sure wanted to give Frank the ending he deserved, returning to his daughter. 🥹🥹
Though yeah, Ben did dock his pay for that "slip up" -- leaving her alone with Jon in the crumbling tower. But she didn't really give him a choice, to be fair, and Loco was already cut off from them. Though in hindsight, Ben probably wouldn't have cared about the semantics. 🤣
“Well, he got a quick death,” he said. “Better than he fucking deserved, far as I’m concerned.” — Ben sweetie, you’re missing the mark a bit…
Oh def, but he figures it out eventually. 🤣
This is all melting my heart, it really feels like things are simmering down now (hopefully I’m not wrong lmaoo).
Hmmm, well sort of! 🤣 There will be some more angst and action in the last chapter, followed by an insurmountable amount of fluff. ❤️
I find it so sweet that he naturally assumes they’ll remain living together, it means (even though we already know, Pookie might not yet) that he wants his life with her mwahahahaha!! 😏🫶
LOL like it doesn't even enter his head to ask. Or he just skips right to this because he doesn't want to give her a chance to say "no." 😂
“Ben stared back at you in annoyance. “You need to broaden your palate.”” — His rich boy brain is showing 🤣
Oh, 💯💯 😂 But her doubt is momentarily painful. Omg I do the chin thing more often than I realized. 😂😂 So glad you enjoy it though!! 😘
[On Ben having hope for the future]: Aww you're so right. That's exactly what it was. 🥹🥹
Thank you so much!! Ben's genetics are unique because like Stormfront (that Nazi bitch), they got the old-fashioned "super soldier" serum a-la Captain America. His cells regenerate, which is part of what slows down his aging process. So I thought, oh fuck that's the perfect cure/alternative to giving her V24 again, while also giving a way to heal Butcher and get Grace on board with making a new "deal" with Ben. I'm so glad you enjoyed how all of that tied up!!
As for the last chapter, well, suffice to say there be some angst ahead. 😭 But!! There's a lot of heart too. I promised you a happy ending, and that's exactly what's in store (eventually). 😂
As always, thanks so much my friend for your lovely comments!! Can't wait to bring you the Epilogue next week. 😘❤️❤️
Break Me Down - Part 17
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Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female Reader
Summary: You’re a private investigator by trade, but now you happily sit at a desk — leading a surveillance team at Supe Affairs. After managing to end Homelander in New York, Soldier Boy escapes custody. You are recruited for the manhunt, joining Butcher’s team.
Truly, you joined the S.A. for the right reasons. But after you become his accidental hostage, Soldier Boy will break down every single one of them…
AN: *Gives you a box of virtual tissues.* Just in case. 😘
Word Count: 6,000 Tags/Warnings: Macho angst ahead, hurt/comfort, major, major fluff…
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Part 17: More Than Words Can Say
Mount Sinai Hospital was one of the largest private hospitals in the city. 
Fortunately, it was also the closest to Vought Tower, or what once had been the focal point of the superhero industry. It had been reduced to mere rubble and whatever dilapidated parts still stood. 
All the news outlets were covering the tower’s collapse, and speculating on what could’ve created the blast that made the entire city tremble—not unlike last year’s incident, when Soldier Boy killed the most powerful supe in the world.
In the hospital, M.M. walked through the Emergency Department until he found Yvette and her son, Devon. They sat beside each other on a single cot, now joined by Yvette’s husband Chris while she signed her discharge papers. She’d gotten off with a minor concussion and a bandage over her temple. 
“Just checking in on you guys,” M.M. said. Yvette smiled, but she asked about you. 
“She’s in surgery,” he told her. 
Yvette nodded, though tears welled up in her eyes. Chris rubbed her back and held his son’s shoulder. 
“Please call me with any news on her,” Yvette asked. 
“You got it,” M.M. said.
“And please,” she said, holding her son. “Thank Soldier Boy for us.”
M.M. paused at that. 
Seeing the family was well in hand, he returned to the trauma wing. There in the waiting room sat the whole team, minus Butcher, who’d been admitted to the hospital as well after the ED doctors didn’t like what they’d found on his lab reports. (But M.M. would look into that later. Hughie was with him now anyway.)
That left Frenchie, Kimiko, and Annie to wait for any news on you. Even Grace had arrived an hour ago. 
But M.M.’s attention was drawn to the dusty motherfucker standing near the hallway. 
Soldier Boy leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. The collar of his supe suit was undone to give his neck and chest some breathing room. He’d removed his gloves, and an empty gallon jug of water lied at his feet. 
He was covered in a fine layer of soot and grime, though he’d since washed his hands and face to the best of his ability. He was also flanked by his two hired men, Frank Cardoza and Lorenzo Rivales. 
Grace had run a quick background check on both, and as M.M. had learned, they were ex-Marines Soldier Boy had picked up in Colombia, while he was busy infiltrating a drug cartel.   
Fucking figures, M.M. thought, shaking his head as he watched the man. Grace stood and joined him.
“He’s not just gonna fuck off back to South America,” he told her. “You realize that right?”
She considered that with a tilt of her head. “Let’s just see what happens here.”
As if right on cue, your surgeon made his way down the hall and over to the waiting group. Ben pushed off the wall and went to meet him, as did Grace, Annie, and M.M. 
Annie and Ben eyed each other with mistrust and annoyance, respectively, but then he ignored her to regard the surgeon with a terse, expectant gaze.  
The doctor was a graying man in his fifties. He seemed to internally brace himself before he spoke, glancing at Ben first before the others. 
“We’ve repaired the damaged muscle around her right leg. The femur is broken. We also addressed the wound near her shoulder,” he said. “However, the rebar did nick her heart. She’ll need additional surgery to repair it.”
Ben sensed a but coming. He crossed his arms. “Okay, what’s the problem?”
The doctor gave a nod and a short sigh. 
“She’s lost a lot of blood,” he explained. “We’ve given her a transfusion, of course, but she’s in a delicate state right now.”
“So why’re you wasting time? Do your fucking job,” Ben snapped. Grace shot him a glance, but addressed the doctor herself.
“What are her odds, doctor?” she asked. Ben eyed her with a glare. She ignored him for the time being. 
“She needs this now. But, there is a chance she won’t make it out of surgery at this stage,” the surgeon replied. “The OR will be available in thirty minutes…so this would be the time to be with her, just in case she’s unable to get through this.”
“Excuse me?” Ben said. 
His tone was dark and deep with grit, and the doctor stepped back. No one dared attempt to hold Ben back, but Grace quickly thanked the doctor and urged him to move forward with prepping you for surgery. 
Loco shared a saddened look with Frank, who watched their boss with a deepening frown. 
Annie turned to Ben with a measure of sympathy, hidden underneath her irritation at his attitude and her worry for you. You were still her friend, and she felt guilty for how cold she’d been treating you lately. And she could see, at the very least, that this man cared about you. 
“Look, can you just calm down a bit? We’re all here hoping she pulls through,” Annie said. 
M.M. stood behind her, silent, supportive. But Ben just ignored her, and everyone else for that matter. 
He stalked down the hallway. And when he turned a corner, out of eyeshot, he growled and punched a hole deep into the closest wall.
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Hughie perked up when Butcher finally started to rouse in his hospital bed. They had him on a hefty dose of morphine. 
He blinked his weary eyes, his head rolling over on the pillow. His lips quirked when he noticed Hughie, who was glaring at him. 
“Watching me sleep now?” Butcher remarked. “Pretty fuckin’ creepy, Hugh.”
“You’re such an asshole,” Hughie said. 
That was something Butcher couldn’t refute. He nodded. “I see they told you.”
“When were you gonna say something?” Hughie said. “When you fucking dropped dead?”
“Probably not even then,” Butcher teased. But when he took in the younger man’s face, all he saw was his little brother, Lenny. Butcher sighed. 
“Ain’t nothing any of us can do about it.”
“Fucking cancer?” Hughie said incredulously. “You could’ve gotten treatment.”
“Would’ve bought me a few more months, maybe,” Butcher admitted. That fell between them for a moment with stony silence. 
“It’s all right,” he added. “I’ve had my fucking time. Got to see the life drain from that golden cunt’s eyes…got to let my girl rest easy.”
Hughie didn’t buy that. Or maybe, he just didn’t want to. His eyes burned, both with emotion and determination. He stood from his seat and set out to find Grace. If there was anything that could help Butcher, she would know. 
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While the others went down to the cafeteria for a bite to eat, Frank sat in the waiting room with Loco beside him and Dr. Baker’s briefcase on his lap.
He was sorting through its contents while Loco sat with crossed arms and slumping shoulders. He looked over at Frank’s stoic profile with a frown.
He was older, but not by much. They’d gone through one fresh hell after another together, and somehow, Frank always managed to pull their asses out of the wringer. It seemed Frank was trying to do the same for their boss. 
It was funny, actually. Soldier Boy wasn’t their first contractor. You were their first kidnapping though. Neither he or Frank had felt good about it when Antonio brought you back to the mansion in Medellin, but they’d agreed to do a job. Guarding you became part of that job. 
And yet, you had somehow reminded both Frank and Loco that they used to be respectable members of society. They used to have families, friends. They had once been soldiers. Good men. Maybe that was why they’d grown fond of you over the past few months. 
And Frank…well, Loco knew the man had his reasons for wanting to be done with this work. Loco couldn’t blame him; he was feeling tired himself. 
“Found anything good?” Loco asked in Spanish. Frank’s dark brows had drawn together in new interest.
“More than good,” he said. He looked up, but didn’t find Soldier Boy in the waiting room. “Where the hell did he go?”
Loco pointed to the reception desk. “Try asking someone.”
With a sharp sigh, Frank gave Loco the briefcase. “Guard that with your fucking life. Don’t let anyone from the CIA take it from you.”
Loco gave him a look of offense. “It’s like you don’t know me at all, bro. Fucking hurts.” 
Rolling his eyes, Frank got up and went over to the reception desk. 
“Excuse me,” he said. There seemed to be no one at the reception desk. Granted, it was late at night, and they technically weren’t supposed to be there. Grace Mallory had worked out an agreement with the hospital to allow them all to stay overnight. 
He didn’t have to wait too long though, as an on-duty nurse came over with a clipboard in hand. Her red hair caught his eye, along with her pretty smile. 
“Hi there. Can I help you?” she asked. 
Frank faltered, just for a moment. But he cleared his throat and met her eyes. 
“Did you happen to see which way Soldier Boy went?” he asked.
She gave him a wan smile and pointed down the hall, to the left. “That ‘a way. Think he had an argument with the wall over there.”
Frank followed her gaze and caught sight of the hole in the wall. He frowned. 
“Sorry about that,” he said. 
The nurse gave him a sideways look. “No worries, hun. It’s not your fisticuff outline in the wall, now is it?”
Once again, Frank didn’t know quite what to say to her slightly teasing smile. But he returned it, more reserved, but genuine. 
“Thank you,” he said, with a nod. Then he remembered then what he needed to do. 
And he took off brusquely down the hall. 
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It took him a few minutes to pull his head together, but Ben eventually worked up his nerve to go and see you. 
You were still drugged out asleep, of course. He stood outside the large window of your private room in the Intensive Care Unit. He wouldn’t go in though. Part of him refused to believe it had gotten to this. 
And the reality, that this was his fault. He’d caused the blast that destroyed the tower. His fault he hadn’t gotten to you sooner.
“You are the reason I needed saving,” you’d told him once. 
You were right then, and it still held up now. 
So, no…he wouldn’t go in there, into your room. The truth was, he couldn’t. 
But Ben’s awareness prickled before he noticed, Frank had joined him. Ben tolerated it. While he wanted to be alone, maybe part of him (one he wouldn’t acknowledge) craved some kind of company. 
“You’ll get paid, don’t you fucking worry,” he said dryly. 
“That’s not the only reason I’m here,” Frank said. 
It felt like a confession. Ben didn’t reply though; he was focused on your pale face, covered by the breathing mask. Shallow puffs of air fogged the inside of it while your heart monitor clipped on.
“There’s another solution here,” Frank said. 
Ben gave him a cursory side glance. “She wouldn’t take Compound V. Not even to save her fucking life.”
“That didn’t stop you before,” Frank mentioned. 
Ben didn’t answer, but he’d been internally debating it ever since he’d spoken with the surgeon. 
“All right, get it over here,” he said. “The temporary stuff.” 
Frank rose a brow. He’d been curious enough to try testing the man. But now, he frowned.
“She won’t forgive you,” he pointed out. 
“What’re you, devil’s fucking advocate? She’ll get the fuck over it,” Ben snapped. 
But after his initial anger subsided…he knew his subordinate was right. 
“She’ll be alive to hate me,” he said, more honestly.  
Frank inclined his head. “There could be another way.” 
Ben glanced over at him. 
“She lost a lot of blood,” Frank said. Ben frowned.  
“They’ve given her fucking blood transfusions—” 
“Yeah, normal blood. A supe’s blood is stronger. Yours could probably heal her,” Frank said. “But, the only one who can break your skin is you.”
Ben eyed him in suspicion. “Who told you that?” 
“Read it somewhere,” Frank said evasively. 
Ben huffed in response, but as that realization truly sunk into his mind, his lips pressed together in new determination. He left Frank to start a brusque pace down the hall. 
He ignored the red-headed nurse calling at him at the reception desk when he shoved through a locked security door, into the OR unit. He searched until he found your surgeon and pulled him from the sink he was washing his hands in.
The man gasped with fright, though he tried to hide it looking up at Ben. “What the hell’re you doing?”
“I’m making a donation,” said Ben. He raised a blunt nail to his wrist. “You better hurry the fuck up, because I’m about to open a vein.”
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It was morning by the time another doctor returned to deliver an update on your progress: the “treatment” was working. Your wounds had knitted closed within an hour following the blood transfusion, and you no longer needed surgery. They had also x-rayed your leg and found that the bone was whole once again. Even your broken ribs had healed.
Ben nodded at the news. He didn’t respond, and just started walking down the hall. Grace, Annie, and M.M. stared after him with mixed reactions of confusion and curiosity. 
“Where are you going?” Annie asked. She was exhausted; all of them were. 
The supe ignored her though. M.M. shared a look with her before he decided to follow the man. 
Meanwhile, Ben once again stopped in the middle of the hallway when he was out of view. He took in a slow, steadying breath of relief, his fists clenching at his sides.
“Congratulations. After today, you’re gonna get your statue put back up,” M.M. said.
Ben turned around to stare back at the man, schooling his face into a stoic frown. 
“Yvette and her son are going to be fine, by the way,” M.M. added, as he crossed his arms.
Ben paused slightly at that, filing that information away with secret satisfaction. 
To M.M., he merely raised a brow. “You got something to say, or are you going to keep wasting my fucking time?”  
“You think saving one black kid makes you a hero?” M.M. asked, point blank. “Taking down Vought. Saving her. What does that all mean to you?”
Ben frowned in irritation. “Why the fuck do you care?”
“Just answer the question. Be honest for once in your motherfuckin’ life,” M.M. said. “Do you really think you’re a hero?”
Silence fell between them. 
Ben didn’t know what it was about this guy. Maybe it was his persistence, or the fact that he’d pulled you out of the rubble and got you to a hospital in time to save your life. 
But Ben actually considered the question.
Killing Stan Edgar and Black Noir. Saving you. He’d done it all for selfish reasons. The kid…that was something else. His face stuck in Ben’s mind, how he’d trusted the superhero, like dumb kids were supposed to do.
But in that moment, carrying the tower on his back and knowing he was the only barrier between a mountain of hot rubble and this one kid…Ben hadn’t wanted to fail. 
And still. You are the reason I needed saving…
It wasn’t really saving the fucking day if he started it, was it?
Ben’s lips turned on a humorless smile. Still, he had saved the kid. And his mom. And you. For now, that was enough.
“Looks like I am,” said Ben.
But he met M.M.’s stare, briefly allowing him to glimpse beyond a wall of arrogance and pride.
And Ben walked away. M.M. watched him go in silent contemplation.
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Grace intercepted Ben before he could visit you in the ICU. 
Christ. What the fuck now? he thought sourly. 
She gestured for a word, and with an annoyed look, he followed her down the hall.
“I’ll get to the point,” she said. “Butcher is sharing a floor with your girlfriend, down in Oncology.”
Ben raised a brow. That prick had cancer? Par for the fucking course, if he said so himself. 
“So?” he remarked. 
Grace sighed. She’d expected that reaction. “They’ve given him weeks, but the way he’s been pushing himself, more likely it’s days. Taking the untested Temp V long-term has had its adverse side effects…if you were to make another blood donation, I’ll make it worth your while.” 
So now his blood was some fucking wonder drug? Hell no, Ben thought. 
“You’re asking me to save the guy who’s double-crossed me, tried to hunt me down, tried to end me?” he said, with a dark, incredulous chuckle. “You can fuck right off, sweetheart.”
She grated at the sweetheart remark, but Grace leveled him with steely blue eyes.
“If it weren’t for me, you’d be on ice right now,” she pointed out. 
Ben’s lips pursed. He’d really like to snap this bitch’s fucking neck on principle…but then he thought about it. He could work this into his favor. 
“You know what. I’m having a good day, so maybe I’m feeling fucking generous,” he said. His mouth edged into a smirk. “But I think it’s time we renegotiated our contract. Don’t you?”
Grace stared up at him, and she inhaled a deep breath. 
“Fine.”
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You slowly woke up in a hospital room, in a paper gown with an IV drip and a heart monitor. Which made sense, as the events of yesterday came back to you in a rush. 
But beyond feeling relieved to be alive, you also felt extremely well-rested. You didn’t feel like a building fell on you. 
What kind of masterful drugs are they giving me? You tried to read your chart on the wall, but you didn’t see any pain medication on there. 
Annie popped into your private recovery room. Her face brightened when she saw that you were awake. 
“Hey, hun! How do you feel?” she asked, lowering into a chair at your bedside. You wouldn’t know that this chair had been occupied by various members of the team over the past few hours, including M.M., Frenchie, Frank, and even Grace. 
“Great, actually,” you replied. But now you frowned. “I shouldn’t feel great.”
You remembered nearly being crushed under a pile of rubble. You remembered falling on a piece of rebar, and unable to move your crushed leg. You remembered the worry in Ben’s eyes… 
And panic stung at yours.
“Did they give me Compound V?” your voice shook when you asked. Annie calmed you down with a shake of her head and a reassuring hand on your arm. 
The door to your room opened once again. Ben’s frame filled up the doorway. When his eyes met yours, your breath caught in your throat. He was still in his supe suit, and with his hands resting on his belt, he strutted inside the room. 
M.M., Frenchie, Frank, Loco, and Kimiko came in behind him and at least looked showered. Ben looked like he hadn’t even done that much, nor slept all night.
“It wasn’t the V,” he said at last. “Just a little blood donation. Seemed to work like a charm.”
His resulting grin had a bit of charm in it as well. Your head tilted in confusion.
"Whose blood?" you asked.
"Mine," he said. His expression faded, slightly more serious.
You found yourself slowly smiling, though your brows still furrowed in surprise. He gave me his blood…instead of Compound V.
While you tried to wrap your mind around the gravity of that, you reached for the pitcher of water on the rolling tray beside you. You grasped the pitcher, but the plastic actually crunched in your hand. You gasped and moved your hand over so the water inside wouldn’t spill all over you.
Ben raised a brow. 
The room fell silent as all eyes stared at you. When the water finished pouring out onto the floor, you gently set it back down on the tray. 
“Seems you got some of his strength in the deal,” Annie remarked. 
“Great, there’s two of them,” Hughie quipped with a grin. 
“Well, that’s probably just temporary,” M.M. sighed. “Hopefully.” 
You couldn’t help but laugh, and it brought a slight grin to Ben’s lips. 
After a bit of well wishing, everyone cleared out of your room to let you rest up…except for Ben, Frank, and Loco. 
“What are you guys going to do now?” you asked of the latter two. Loco cracked his knuckles. 
“Got another job lined up in private security,” he revealed. “I’ve lost the taste for drug running. Nearly lost a damn toe on the last one.”
You laughed. “Well, thanks for doing one more job here.”
“Anything for el Capitán,” Loco said, giving Ben a respectful nod. “He pays exceedingly well.”
You raised a brow at Ben, who shrugged with a cocky grin. Smiling, you turned to Frank, who was sitting in the chair beside your bed. 
“And you?” you asked. Frank gave you a rare smile. 
“Going home,” he said. “To my daughter.”
Your eyes began to sting, but you tried to blink away the beginnings of tears. You nodded and squeezed his arm. 
“Give her a big hug for me. And thank you again…for everything,” you said, even though you realized that thanking your former guard keep was strange. Still, there had been no part of your kidnapping that was normal in the least. 
Frank hesitated, but he covered your hand with his. 
Though he caught the way Ben’s face tightened, and Frank let go of you. He stood with Loco, giving you and Ben a final nod. Then the two men left your room and disappeared down the hall.
Part of you felt melancholy, like chapters of your life were closing. But you also felt like new ones were waiting in the wings.
Your gaze turned to Ben, who stood near your bed.
He was looking over your chart to see if the doctors needed anything else before you were discharged. But your soft voice called to him, earning his attention. You beckoned him closer.
He went over and sat down on the edge of your bed, laying a hand on your thigh. You reached out for his arm. 
“Thank you,” you said. 
Ben scoffed, though a hint of humor glinted in his eyes. “For what? Saving your reckless ass for the millionth time?”
“For saving Yvette and her son,” you replied with a smile. “And yeah, all that other stuff.” 
Your hand slid down his arm and slipped into his hand. Your fingers curled around his palm. 
“Really. Thank you…” 
Tears welled up in your eyes again. You still couldn’t fucking believe he opened up one of his own veins and gave you his blood. He gave a public hospital his blood in order to save you. 
He could’ve easily slipped you V24 again, or worse, the permanent stuff. But he didn’t just save you. He’d respected your wishes. 
What you wanted to say next got stuck in your throat.
Ben had something hiding behind his eyes, like he was reluctant to show you his real emotions. But when he focused on your face, his hand tightened on yours. His jaw clenched, but he didn’t speak. He only let go of your hand to brush a falling tear from your cheek. His lips twitched at a smile.
“Come on now, baby doll. You’re tougher than that.”
You choked on a laugh as more of your tears slipped down your warming cheeks. “Nope. I’m actually not.”
“Hmm. Could’ve fooled me,” Ben said. You matched his grin with a beaming smile of your own.  
Slowly, you pushed yourself up and took his dirty face in your hands. You guided him down to you, and you pressed your lips to his. 
He allowed it with his usual demanding, fervent kiss. But then it slowed. He held your wrist to keep your hand in place on his cheek, and his thumb drew bath and forth over your skin. 
You parted from him, pulling back enough to see his face. There was so much you wanted to say…but maybe right now, it was too much. 
You met him with another tearful kiss.
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Before you were officially discharged from the hospital, you had one more visitor. 
Grace was once again there to debrief you. This time though, Ben sat at your side on the bed, a silent statue who regarded the woman coolly. He seemed to be tolerating her presence with more ease than usual, and you wondered why.
“You’re going on medical leave,” she informed you. “For three months, and then a psychiatrist will need to clear you for duty.”
Part of you wanted to argue, considering you were completely healed of your injuries. But you knew you needed a break from the S.A.—from all of this. 
“Your mother and sister will be brought out of witness protection soon, after we determine that the threat is sufficiently neutralized,” she said. “You can return home today as well.”
You could finally go back to your apartment…though the thought didn’t call to you as much as it should have. You glanced over at Ben.
“Is this the part where you try to ship him back to Colombia?” you asked. 
“That was the agreement,” Grace said wryly. You frowned, trying to blink away the tears forming once again in your eyes.
You didn’t want to lose him, but you also didn’t want to give up your life here. You didn’t want to leave the S.A., or your family, or your friends. Ben put you out of your misery, however.
“We renegotiated,” he said. 
Your eyes widened. “What?”
Grace explained, “In exchange for his assistance in another case, he can stay in the U.S. on a trial basis. As long as he agrees to live within the law.”
You didn’t entirely trust Grace. Ben would be watched at every moment. That was a given, but considering he still didn’t have full control over his nuclear power, you were surprised Grace would allow him free roam within U.S. borders. 
“And, provided, he agrees to a relocation. Preferably not in a densely populated area,” Grace added.
There it is, you frowned. You shared a look with him, and you could see he wasn’t entirely on board with this. You had no doubt he’d agreed to her demands by lying through his teeth. 
You turned back to Grace.
“What if he becomes a contractor for Supe Affairs,” you proposed. “There may be some fallout after Vought’s collapse, and more of their records to go through. Other labs to clear out. Ben would be a lot of help, if he’s willing.”
You glanced at Ben again. He met your eyes, then Grace’s, and he nodded marginally. He was getting bored of the heat in South America anyway. 
Grace heaved a sigh. Ben’s lips formed a smirk. 
“Oh, relax. I just ended Vought. You’d be an idiot not to cash in on that PR,” he pointed out. 
“Need I remind you that you caused the tower’s collapse?” Grace said tersely. “And you did not end Vought. There will be repercussions to this, believe me.”
Ben’s face tightened, but you grasped his hand. 
“But he fulfilled the mission,” you said. “He took out Black Noir…and Stan Edgar in the process.”
“The idea was to arrest him, but I get your point,” Grace said. Her hand raised to cover her mouth as she thought about your proposal.
Eventually, she spoke. “If you can play by our rules, then we’ll contract with you. But until you get that atomic bomb under control, you can’t remain the city. Upstate is the best I can do.”
Ben chafed at being told what he couldn’t do. What the fuck was he going to do in Upstate New York? Slowly rot to death in dusty-ass suburbia?
You shot him a knowing look, raising a brow. 
“It’s a fair offer, Ben,” you pointed out. His lips pursed in annoyance. But he glanced at your hand in his.
Then he looked up at Grace. “Fine. But first, unfreeze my fucking bank accounts.”
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Ben later led you out of the hospital. There was a car waiting outside, and he got in to drive, despite you offering. He must’ve been going on very little sleep, if any over the past two days. 
And of course, he’d refused to be seen at all medically, saying he was fine. You were still concerned about that destabilizing gun Black Noir had shot him with. 
“I’m fine,” Ben had claimed. “Just need some sleep, that’s all.”
You watched his profile for a moment, and a smile started to raise your lips…until you finally remembered something that felt like a heavy stone in your stomach.
“Um…” you said, earning Ben’s attention. You looked up at him. “My father’s dead…”
Good fucking riddance, was Ben’s initial reaction. Followed by a frown, as he now realized he would never get the pleasure of choking the shit out of Jon himself. 
Ben had been fucking livid to learn from Frank that you’d been left alone in the Tower with your father while it was coming down (and Ben was petty enough to dock that little slip up from Frank’s pay). Had that asshole lived, Ben wouldn’t have put it past him to try and take you with him after escaping the building. The mere thought grated on him. 
“Black Noir killed him,” you said, heaving a shaky breath. 
That cut through Ben’s thoughts. He glanced over, watching you fight some conflicting emotions. 
“…Punched a hole straight through his chest,” you added.
Ben hummed in acknowledgement. You turned to him with a raised brow and glassy eyes. When he realized you were expecting a bit more from him, his lips pursed.
“Well, he got a quick death,” he said. “Better than he fucking deserved, far as I’m concerned.”
You sighed and leaned your head back on the head rest. Your eyes closed. 
“Goddamn it, Ben.”
Ben eyed you with a deepening frown. “What the fuck do you expect me to say?”
“How about some decency?” you asked, as a tear fell down your cheek. “He tried to apologize. But I wouldn’t let him.”
He paused at that. While he thought you were being unreasonable, it begrudgingly dawned on him what you wanted, and maybe, what you needed. He sighed through his nose. Even now, you were a handful.
Ben reached over, taking your hand from your lap. He pressed the back of it to his lips, earning your mild surprise.  
“That’s not your fault,” he said. And he briefly took his eyes off the road to look into yours. “None of it was. You understand me?”
Your face softened. Though you tried to blink away your tears, a few of them still fell. You wiped at them with your free hand, while the other squeezed around his fingers, resting against your thigh. Despite how you were fracturing inside, warmth still kept you afloat. 
So you looked up at Ben, and you nodded. He seemed satisfied by your answer. He turned back fully to the road, but you kept a tight hold of his hand. He allowed it.   
“We’ll have to go to the safe house to get our stuff,” you said eventually, with a small sniffle.
“No need,” Ben said. “That’s taken care of.”
That confused you. Was he taking you to your apartment then? 
But instead, he drove you out of the city, and an hour upstate into Scarsdale. You’d never been there, but you knew it by reputation—as one of the most affluent towns in the state.
You were even more confused when he drove down a street flanked by tall hedges within a private community. He pulled into a circular driveway in front of an immense white house, with a red brick roof, colonial architecture, a manicured lawn, complete with matching fountains lining the front door.
Ben parked the car and encouraged you to get out with him. You followed him up to the front porch, expecting an old billionaire to pop out of the tall bushes at any moment to chase you away. 
“What’re we doing here?” you asked. His hands fell to the belt of his supe suit as he surveyed the stood, the door, and the walls for anything amiss. 
“I’m looking into buying it,” he revealed, as if he’d just told you, It’s pretty fucking sunny today, huh? 
“Our stuff is ready to be shipped out when the deal closes with the owner,” he added.
Your eyes flew wide. “What? When did you have time to scope out houses?” 
You’d only been discharged about an hour after the conversation with Grace. 
“I had Frank look into some shit. He found this one,” Ben shrugged. “Could use some work, but not bad.”
Our stuff, you repeated in your mind. This house…was he trying to recreate what the two of you had in Medellin?
And more importantly, was this his way of asking you to move in with him? 
Well, there’s not too much asking going on, you thought in annoyance. And yet, you blushed; the sentiment in itself was enough to warm you. 
You brought Ben back down to Earth by grasping his hands, earning his attention from the old grout in the tile.
“Ben, this place is amazing,” you said. “But I don’t know if I’ll be comfortable living like this.”
He frowned down at you. “What the hell do you mean? You could have anything you want here. It’s safe. Got plenty of room—”
“A bit too much room,” you said, holding up your thumb and forefinger a couple inches apart. 
He looked adorably grumpy. You smiled and squeezed his hand. 
“Did you really feel cozy and at home in that mansion with fifty rooms and nobody in ‘em?” you asked.
He didn’t answer you, and he didn’t seem happy either. You didn’t want him to take this as a rejection. 
“If we’re going to do this,” you said, “then can we start a little smaller? Somewhere that feels like home to both of us?”
Ben stared back at you in annoyance. “You need to broaden your palate.”
You just managed to stop yourself from laughing.
“You haven’t had a normal home in a long time, Ben,” you replied. Maybe ever, you realized. “How about you trust me?” 
He gave you a dubious frown.
“What about this,” you tried. “Let’s pick it out together! If in a few months you still hate the new place, we’ll try it your way.” 
“You’re assuming we’re gonna make it that long.” Ben was starting to wonder if this was going to work after all. The two of you were from very different worlds. 
You offered a cheeky smile. “I’m optimistic.”
He huffed. “Sure.” 
You reached up on your toes, and gripped the front of his suit when you leaned up to kiss him. His hands rose naturally to hold you, resting on your jean-clad hips. He followed your languid kiss, his furrowed brows relaxing when you touched his cheek.
When you broke from his lips, his eyes opened to find yours. 
“I am, Ben,” you said more seriously. “I’m not playing games. This is real to me, and I want to be with you.” 
But then you hesitated. You lowered back down to your feet. 
“But if it’s not to you…if you’re just passing time with me, until you get bored,” you said, “tell me now. Please.” 
It was Ben’s turn to hesitate. It was the please that got to him, along with your downturned gaze. He captured your chin between his fingers and raised your face up to him. 
“I’m not fucking around,” he said. “I want you to live with me.” 
Your smile was soft and bright when you took his hand. Ben wouldn’t admit it, but something in his chest stuttered to life then.
“Okay,” you said with a nod. “Let’s do it.”
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AN: *squeals* It's happening! We've really gotten here, folks. How'd you like how it all wrapped up with Grace, M.M., and even Butcher?
But we're not quite there with these two yet...
Next Time:
“Why’re you nagging me like a goddamn wife?” he snapped.
“Wife?” you scoffed, crossing your arms. “You don’t even call me your girlfriend.”
But God forbid another man even smile in your direction. Ben was possessive, protective, and claimed with all but words that you were his. And yet, he wouldn’t say it.
You shouldn’t have been surprised that he was afraid of commitment, but you’d been living together for six damn months.
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