#the smallest possible phrases in the entire post that actually had a purpose outside of what you were criticizing them for

[pbscore]

Respectfully, while I think your takes would be understandable if I was talking about something more vague and general about expressing distaste for being isolated from community…

It seems that you chose to instead take the easiest points to criticize from my entire post, which has a lot more context that is necessary to understand it in the first place, and go on a separate tangent that has nothing to do with what I’m talking about.

I’m not coming at you in a rude or disingenuous way because I understand where you’re coming from. However, you even admitting in the beginning of your response that you don’t know a lot about transandrophobia and it’s history and the kind of people who have been pushing it onto everyone else as some sort of well established ‘truth’ rather than what it actually is: a tantrum being thrown by (mostly) nonblack trans men and transmasculine people because they assume no one cares about them in comparison to trans women.

When trans men/transmascs are blaming trans women for the lack of ‘attention’, even in a covert way which is what ‘transandrophobia’ is doing, that is an intracommunity issue that needs to be addressed and criticized because what someone ‘feels’ is not always the same as what is reality. We all need to understand that as people living in a community together. And they are not doing this naively and out of care for the entire trans community, they’re clearly doing this for the benefit of being the center of attention in trans issues overall with no regard for how they’re ideas are coming across to the people they share community with. A lot of it is blatant disrespect that comes from a lack of nuance regarding gender dynamics even within trans spaces.

I explained this in my entire post, with additional points about how race, culture, and other things effect different minority groups in regards to gender expression and identity.

Again, I would normally agree with some of your points if I had been talking about men just expressing themselves in a general sense but I wasn’t. I, a transmasc person of color, was criticizing an issue that I do not like within my own community and the explicit racism and (trans)misogyny that they are currently spreading under the guise of ‘talking about trans man/transmasc issues’.

I was being very specific throughout this entire post yet you only latched onto the smallest phrases I typed to go on your own tangents with and didn’t consider those phrases within the actual context that I wrote them in. Maybe there’s a difference in understanding since I am speaking from and addressing this issue that’s predominantly in a Western/American context? I can understand that.

I just feel like I needed to address your response because what you had to say isn’t really related to the specific issue that I’m criticizing for the reasons stated in this post. I very clearly talk about serious issues like racism and transmisogyny yet you chose not to actually engage with those topics. Your response is more about a general thing that I would have already agreed with in another context not related to this particular topic.

Mmm 🤔 I genuinely think another big reason that trans men and transmascs are holding onto the idea of ‘transandrophobia’ is because a good portion of them, including myself, grew up on this website where the early days of the trans community pretty much coddled and served us, all the time. And then, when many of us actually started to transition (be it socially and/or physically), it was a wake up call that reminded many of us that being read as a man by society means that your are going to be treated differently than how you were previously.

Like, this whole situation is just a giant example of ‘social amnesia’ because anyone who was on tumblr in the early days knows exactly what I’m talking about. There were hundreds upon hundreds of posts made specifically for afab trans/nonbinary people. There was constant encouragement for trans men to express themselves however they wanted to, especially if they presented in a stereotypically feminine way. There were whole ‘passing’ guides made predominantly for trans men and transmasculine people and rarely anything for trans women and transfems.

So to me, this whole ‘transandrophobia’ thing reads like a giant temper tantrum being thrown by grown ass people who cannot fathom that they are no longer those ‘uwu little soft boys’ from the early tumblr days of their own youth and that they actually have to be accountable for their behavior towards other people now that they are being read as adults/adult men. Particularly, towards women (trans women are obviously included when I say this but I’m just putting this here so there is no confusion).

Like, seeing some of them say such out of pocket stuff like ‘uwu I lost the privilege of having women as friends and being able to see myself as a victim and it feels so isolating being a man uwu’ just tells me how little they actually understand the ways in which systems of power and oppression work AND that they’re making their personal relationships with women out to be completely one-sided while suspiciously not ever considering their own behavior towards those women 🤔.

It’s never as simple as ‘women have it easy because they can become friends with each other and can see themselves as victims because of female socialization (which is literally a TERF term that blatantly supports bioessentialism…why are y’all using it???)’ Did y’all seriously forget that racism still exists for women of color? Did y’all seriously forget that many minority men will still have access to conditional privileges, as long as they can demonstrate ‘manhood’ in an acceptable way (which many of them do, so it ends up leading to serious misogyny in their own communities)?

And it’s really irking me to see not just some black trans men and transmascs feeding into this racist, MRA shit but to also see non black trans men/transmascs using issues specifically pertaining to anti-blackness (ex ‘masculine black people are seen as aggressive so therefore, it’s androphobia uwu’) to try to support their flimsy arguments and it’s genuinely infuriating. Even more specifically, it is white trans men and transmascs doing this while (ironically) denying transmasc poc their identities when we speak up against them. You are taking the context of anti-blackness away from those specific issues and trying to re-contextualize it to conveniently fit your ideas and it is incredibly harmful.

Victimhood has never been a ‘privilege’ for any women, except for cis white women (and even then, there can be limitations), so the fact that so many of these transandrophobia truthers see ‘womanhood’ as synonymous with ‘victimhood’ just tells me that they do not have enough nuance or even respect for what any women, especially women of color, have been through. Ask any woman outside of the US or Canada or the UK about their experiences existing as women. Hell, ask any woman here in the US how they’re feeling considering the insane amount of anti-trans AND anti-abortion laws that have been cropping up. Cis women, trans women, transfems, and afab nonbinary folks are all witnessing the same injustices of bodily autonomy as trans men and transmascs, yet this realization isn’t really hitting home to them.

They’re basing this entire ‘movement’ off of personal experiences where they are treated like the men they are, told to take some level of accountability for their behavior (which their tumblr addled brains aren’t used to), and then claiming that there’s some sinister ‘attack’ on masculinity when it’s far more complex than that. Femininity is in no way ‘rewarded’ as much as y’all claim it is, even in queer spaces.

Both femininity and masculinity can be rewarded and punished, in various ways, that are not going to be easy to understand at first glance. There are people who, when performing either of these things in the ‘acceptable’ way to a cisheteronormative society, will be rewarded the conditional privileges and acceptance that comes with it. And there are some people who will be punished for either not sticking to either of these or switching between them or mashing them together. However, there are many outside factors like race, sexuality, and culture that can also heavily influence who is more likely to be punished for these displays of rebellion than others.

I’m not sure how to end this but I do want to propose a question that more folks, regardless of gender, should start asking themselves before they start speaking on important social issues: is it really about you wanting to help the community or is it about you wanting to be noticed?

Because I’m gonna tell y’all this now…there is a world of difference between the two and you can’t have both, as much as tumblr will try to convince you that you can. If it’s just about you, then it can’t be about the community and if it’s about the community, then it can’t just be about you.

NOTE: if you’re not going to be nuanced or relatively understanding of the power dynamics I’m referring to in this post, don’t interact. I’m not about to argue with anyone.

[ultimatetornshipper]

Daminette December Day 7

@daminette-december2019-2020

((Note: If you’re a confused little muffin who saw our ship in the top 100 list and you want to know what in the ever loving fuck we are, feel free to dm me or mention me in a post or even to send an ask. do be warned tho that if u send me hate i will block and report u (and not just to tumblr, to everyone I know who is part of this fandom). our little sub fandom is not a toxic space and no one is allowed to make it one or there will be a fucking war))

And we’re back to our anxiety induced in denial Damian. I love this kid. Tho I do wanna make him slightly more… how do I say this… like cold? I dunno maybe I can bring that in with other people and his interactions. I just wanna write him with his proper grammar and what not and like lbh this boi is already a simp for Mari. But I don’t wanna let things happen too quickly, y’know?

Anyway, maybe I should make the theme of this chapter the fact that he has absolutely no chill. Lmao, I think that’s hilarious ngl. Also I’m just gonna pretend certain things existed back then for the sake of my sanity I can’t keep coming up with words that make sense for explaining what a thing is without saying the actual word because it didn’t exist yet. The hologram in that one chapter was hard enough bruh

Ok here we go, thanks for reading! I hope u enjoy it

Princes and Pedestals

Chapter 7 – Chill

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Damian rolled the ring between his fingers as the morning light filtered through his windows. She’d put the choice in his hands, it was a kind thing to do, smart too. It made sense, if this role was as important as she made it sound it needed someone who could commit to it.

The miraculous was the kind of black that seemed to stretch on forever. It had a bright green paw print on it. He hadn’t put it on yet but from what he could gather it’s kwami would appear as soon as he put it on.

He'd be one of the leaders of an entire Order. He had no idea how big it was. His mother had raised him to lead but that was an entirely different organization. How would Marinette react to that? Could he handle the responsibility?

These thoughts had been plaguing him from the moment he picked up the ring.

But that wasn’t what got to him the most. She was just so… good. She had even agreed to move her entire court to Gotham for his sake. To uproot her entire life and move everyone involved just so that he could stay with his family.

There had to be a catch.

There always is.

He sighed, overthinking everything wasn’t going to help him make this decision.

There was only one thing he could do.

He put on the ring and a bright light caught him off guard. A small floating cat like being appeared in front of him.

“Kid?” he kept his eyes closed as though he didn’t want to see who was in front of him, his voice breaking slightly.

Slowly, the kwami – Plagg if he remembered correctly - opened his eyes. Damian stared at him as disappointment flitted across the creature’s face.

He lifted his brow and asked, “Hope to see someone else, Plagg?”

He chuckled slightly, sadness lacing the sound, “My previous holder, thought maybe I'd get the chance to say goodbye this time,”

Damian frowned, “What do you mean?”

Plagg frowned, “You don’t know about my previous holder? Who gave you my miraculous?”

“Marinette did,” he said, simply, “She actually just gave me the chance to consider the offer of the position, I have the rest of the day to get to know you and make my decision,”

Plagg seemed to consider what he said, he then sat down on the bed in front of Damian. He explained the basics of the miraculous to him, the phrases he needed to use as well as what those phrases would do. The things he’d need as well as what behaviors he might pick up.

“Purring?” Damian said in a disbelieving voice, “You’re telling me I might start purring in my civilian form?”

Plagg cackled, “Yeah, don’t worry it’s not that bad,”

“Tt, what exactly is the purpose of it? In fact what exactly is my purpose? It seems like she has the leadership thing under control,”

Plagg seemed to sober up at the question, he flew up right in front of Damian’s face and looked him in the eyes, “Her job is to lead and look after her court,” his look sharpened and he narrowed his eyes, “Your job is to look after her, your job is to protect her, your job is to see her. Your purpose is to make hers as easy as possible. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll have other official responsibilities and you will rule alongside her, but your real job? Your purpose? You have to help her remember that she’s only human and that that’s okay,”

Damian stared at Plagg, the kwami stared back. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? There had to be something. Some kind of catch.

Before he could grill the kwami, Dick burst into his room.

Damian could see his brother’s clear panic and immediately stood. Dick’s eyes found his, “She’s gone,”

Damian felt himself spiral, memories flew through his mind. All the times he or any of his siblings had been taken. Cass didn’t speak for a month after the last incident. Jason’s “secret" panic attacks had increased tremendously. Tim stayed up for nights on end, only sleeping when he passed out. Damian sparred for hours and hours, hating the feeling of being useless. 

His father and Dick weren’t in Gotham at the time and Selina was helping Harley with one of her ‘projects’.

When they got Steph back after a week, she was so shook up that she kept waking up screaming from nightmares for months.

They all blamed themselves.

“Her kwami showed us a letter she left but someone could’ve faked it to buy time, they’re searching the village,” Jason said, coming into his room, holding a piece of parchment.

Damian barely registered the way Plagg seemed to study his reactions. They needed to find her, it was already afternoon, who knows how far gone she could be?

They spent hours scouring the castle. Before he knew it the moon was rising and they were all gathered in the living room, going over possibilities.

“I’m going to go get Alfred and Bruce, this has been going on long enough, it’s time to call in back up. It’s already passed nightfall and she’s not back yet,” Dick walked out of the room, barely two seconds passed before he shouted something to them, “Guys I found her!”

They were out quicker than a lightning bolt. He ignored his siblings as they all flocked around her. He took her in.

She was wearing a cloak, which Jason quickly took and gave to a passing maid. She wore one of her black dresses. Her hair was in a braid.

But the cloak was dirty, the dress had tears and the braid was messy.

But it was her eyes that got him. The blue irises looked like someone had taken every drop of sadness in the world and left it in them. They were red rimmed and puffy and there were black bags under them.

She’d been crying and she hadn’t slept. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

Somewhere along the line, they moved back into the living room. Cass was sitting next to Marinette on the couch and the others were arguing.

Damian couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was here. She was safe. She wasn’t taken.

Cass tapped his arm, he turned to look at her and she started signing. (a/n ok yeah I know that sign language might not have existed but do I really care?)

Get her out of here, she’s tired, Cass signed.

Damian nodded and after asking her permission and scolding his siblings, he escorted her to her room.

Plagg whispered something to her that he couldn’t hear. 

Then she apologized for scaring him and he explained his thought process. She explained that he would’ve been able to know via their miraculous whether she was in trouble or not. He made a mental note to ask Plagg more about that.

When they got to her room he opened her door. She was about to go in but he grabbed her hand, stopping her. She looked at him expectantly. He searched her gaze, he had so much he wanted to ask her, why she’d been crying was at the top of that list.

But she looked so tired, and Damian just couldn’t get himself to form the words. Instead he bid her goodnight and went back to the living room where his siblings were waiting.

All eyes turned to him when he entered. He didn’t know what to say. Instead of thinking his words through he blurted out the first thing he thought.

“She didn’t flinch when our eyes met,” he said. They all stared at him for a few seconds. Usually they would’ve laughed at his bluntness, Damian is certain, but there was something about the haunted look on her face that sapped all humor out of the situation.

Jason was crouched in front of the fire. Stephanie sat on one of the chairs while Dick leaned against its armrest. Damian was next to Cassandra on the couch and the five of them sat in silence.

Millions of questions danced through the air, the answers all just out of reach.

Little did they know that they weren’t the only ones with questions.

Outside, three pairs of eyes were watching the oblivious siblings closely.

Damian felt a chill go down his spine and turned towards the window. He walked over and stared out into the forest, he didn’t see anyone but the uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave him.

He closed the curtains.

The smallest of the three chuckled slightly, “She got herself a paranoid one, huh?”

“We need to head back,” the only guy out of the three said to the others.

They nodded and followed him deeper into the forest.

Taglist:

@animegirlweeb @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @forgottenfriends @wolf-for-life @heyitsbugette @f-rget-lt @fusser90

[authentic-and-confused]

Just a little TED talk

Last school year in the spring my English teacher presented our class with a challenge:  Create a TED talk about something you’re passionate about. It seems easy, right? Well. For me, it wasn't. I knew immediately that I wanted to talk about the issues  LGBT  youth face, but I didn't know how. I’ve gotten so much hate for my orientation and identity that, even with the things I’m publically out and proud with, I live in constant fear of ridicule and hate. Let me tell you, this is no way to live. Eventually, though, I figured it out. Religion. I just knew my TED talk project had to involve religion.

At the time my mother was using religion against me in many ways and shaming me for my choices. I was facing a lot of subtle hates at school and I just knew I wasn't the only one. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that, at least with the kids my age, it was mostly because they simply didn't know! So just like that, I had my topic - my purpose. Educate the other youth of my school and motivate them to do better, and stand up against hate of all kinds.  

Don't get me wrong, I was still scared out of my mind. I’d been called out in that very class a few times for my  LGBT involvement, but somehow this desire, this need to make the world a better place for other  LGBT  youth took over, even if it was in the smallest way. The words to my script just... flowed out of me. I knew what I needed to say and how to say it. At first, I wasn't even planning on using my own experiences, but without them, the talk felt empty - like I was speaking from a detached point of view.

Soon enough, the day came to submit our talks via video, but for me that just... Didn't feel right. For some reason, I felt like my teacher needed to hear it in person. So I asked if instead, I could come present to her directly before school. She said yes, so two days later I did. I showed up to school early on the day of a funeral for the man who had appointed himself my grandpa the moment he found out the way one of my others treated me.

I literally gave my talk in funeral clothes.

by the end, my teacher was crying. The tears weren't just in her eyes the way some teachers get during certain presentations, but actually falling down her cheeks.

I hadn't realized how powerful my message could be yet, and had actually recently started to doubt it due to the reactions of a few strangers when I practiced giving it to my friends on a train. She said I should still make a video, post it to youtube or something. I considered it, really I did. but doubtful thoughts started to creep into my mind. Was it really a message people needed to hear? Was I the right one to give it?

I hit a really rough patch of my life, and I went to a really dark place. Most days I’m still there. Floating scared and lonely in the dark. I’d found out the world could be even darker than I’d ever thought possible and lost all hope of finding a light. The only reason I didn't end it all was that there were two people I knew it would crush. My best friend in the entire world who told me daily I wasn't allowed to leave them like that, and my significant other.

I have a story. I’ve considered writing about it, but it's dark and lonely. Full of pain no one ever had the courage to see. I finally came forward about it. Literally begged for help.  No one who could help listened.  No one listened could help.

”Where’s your proof?”

That’s the question they always ask.

That’s the question that always sends me back to the dark place.

So, I never felt the motivation to go forward with it. Get my talk out there into the world. I lost track of the light beside the glowing individual that, once in a while, was able to grab my hand and drag me to it like a horse to water. They still have to do that to be honest.

They’re there though. They haven't left. Haven't asked for proof. Took my words as enough.

They helped me find other people too, little lights in my life who I know are just as bright in the world, who I love dearly even if they don't break my darkness apart in the same way.

I don't really know why I’m going on like this. Like I said with the talk, sometimes the words just come and before I know it I’ve regurgitated pages of them. Often having to delete paragraphs and paragraphs, most of which I feel are just as important to my point. I did that here too. You probably can't tell.

Point is, yesterday I saw something that led me to a little trail of light. Gave me a little trickle of hope...

Graffiti in a bathroom stall.

It’s unclear what came first, or second or third or fourth even, but it is clear what the little conversation was. I took a picture of it, weird I know, but it really struck me. Someone at one point wrote something about “fags.” I’m not sure what, it's partially scribbled over. But around that? Several messages in different handwritings defending the  LGBT community. One of them stating, “Wow, Imagine still being homophobic in 2019,” another “You lookin like a clown.” Seeing these silly words marked into the stall I nearly cried. It gave me a light to hang to, weirdly enough, even if it only lasted until I once again reached home and thus my biggest tormentor.

Then, tonight, when I was looking at pictures on my phone, looking for a light to save me from the dark place for just a small while, I saw the picture. I scrolled through youtube and saw “In a heartbeat” recommended to watch again.

I was struck once again and felt a need to get my words out there too. To let someone, anyone, know that they aren't alone.

Give someone that trickle of light.

So, without further ado... the script to my TED talk: Man, I wish homophobia was a real thing…. Like, obviously the thing the word is used to represent is there - the blatant hate and discrimination towards the LGBT community - but phobia implies a fear. For example, the fear of heights  (acrophobia)  the fear of spiders (arachnophobia) or the fear of snakes (ophidiophobia). Can you imagine if people went around saying things like “blackphobia” and “womanphobia” instead of racist and sexist? Absolute chaos would ensue. People would have a meltdown. This is because, in this modern-day, people know that these things aren’t fear, they are an intolerance. So, by using the word “homophobia” it gives people the ability to rationalize their hate in the name of being afraid. as religions do.

This is what we, as the up and coming generation, need to change. We can help get rid of this hate and discrimination by referring to it as such. By calling it as it is - intolerance.

One extreme example of an organization that uses fear as a guise for their discrimination is the Westboro Baptist Church. They’re so hateful they’ve become somewhat of a joke to many in the LGBT community. *miles* Their website is literally “godhatesfags.com” and when any person dares to say this may be hateful, the church replies by simply saying “Gospel preaching is not hate.” Can you see where I’m going with this?

No, not every religion is as blatantly hateful as this one, their hate is often more subtle - at least to people it’s not directed towards. Living in Utah as an out pansexual teen I’ve been on the receiving end of this hate, even from some of my closest friends. And this isn’t their fault! They’ve been raised in such a way they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Most people are blissfully unaware of the ways LGBT youth are discriminated against every single day, so let me explain.

One of my best friends, who I will keep anonymous, said one of the most hateful things I’ve ever taken to heart just this last fall. We were skipping a church class and sitting outside when we somehow stumbled onto the topic of marriage. I mentioned that it didn’t seem fair that LGBT people couldn’t get married in the temple. Her response was “Well, I think it shouldn’t be allowed. Gay people are fine, but forcing us to allow them to marry in the temple takes away our freedom of religion.”

And, I guess that’s what everyone is so afraid of. Their rights and freedoms being taken away in exchange for ours. But as a wise person once said, “More rights for me doesn’t mean less rights for you! It’s not pie!”

I ask you to think real quickly - excuse my language - how many times has someone told you to “Burn in hell” or told you that if you don’t change your ways it’s unavoidable. I’ll give you a second to count. _______________. Now, you probably only used one hand right? 

I ran out of hands to count on within a week of coming out - and I only counted people, not the number of times. To this day I get told this phrase or some variation at least once a week.

Now, let me talk about school and bullying. I have a very specific story with this, but rest fully assured it’s not even close to being the only one, or the worst one. Just a couple weeks ago I was walking through the hall and got stopped by some kid I don’t even know, just so he could call me a “faggie.” I don’t know if you know the history of the word “fag,” but basically when the whole thing with witches trials was going on, people also burned LGBT people. However, they didn’t think them “worthy” to be burned on the stake, so they threw them in with the leftover broken sticks known as “fags.” So, as you can imagine, being called that is quite hurtful. I went right to one of my friends and explained what happened, and they misheard and thought I said the kid called me “fattie.” They immediately freaked and explained that I wasn’t fat, that the kid was stupid, etc. etc. When I explained that he had, in fact, insulted me for being gay and not for being fat her attitude completely changed. She basically shrugged me off and told me not to be dramatic.

That’s what everyone does, isn’t it? If it’s something we know a person shouldn’t be bullied for - like hair color, how fat or skinny they are, their acne - the bully is reprimanded. As they should be. But when a student goes to complain about bullying or exclusion over being gay or trans, adults often respond with “Well, have you tried…. Not being gay?” I was literally called an abomination in front of a teacher…. And they did nothing!

Now, if my stories alone don’t convince you that this is a real problem let me show you the facts of suicide. According to Utah Health Officials, quote “Among Utah youth aged 10-17 who died by suicide during 2011-2015 with circumstantial data...Of the 40 cases that included information on the decedent's sexual orientation, 15% were identified as sexual minorities.” Close quote. That isn’t even counting how many were closeted, or Trans.  Then besides that, this research on suicide and the causes is hard to conduct, because, simply put, the dead can’t speak for themselves.  “if the rate isn't zero we have work to do”

A study at the University of Georgia about a year ago showed that 70% of LGBT Mormons met the criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Yeah. From a church that supposedly promotes love. “we are inflicting trauma on out queer youth by asking and requiring them to go to church”

Now, to fix this problem, nothing huge or drastic even has to happen, at least for the first few steps. And I’m definitely not saying to stop believing in your church. religion is wonderful. I'm just asking you to follow a little less blindly. Like I said, we are the up and coming generation! We have the power to change the world in the palm of our hands! We often just don’t realize it because the people in power in this world tend to take all the control they can, and we just let them! So, let’s take it back. Let’s take that power and use it. Start by simply paying attention to what you say. Don’t rationalize something hateful that you say, either out loud or in your head, by using religion as your excuse. And, if you hear someone else saying something hateful, step in. Do you know how many lives could actually be saved if all of us just made an effort to watch our words?