#like…i get where you’re coming from and im not saying your inherently wrong

[sos717]

Yes, Im Back

Here it is you guys, this is going to be the clearest and most simple explanation I’ve done so far of manifestation and your identity as conciousness and what that means for experience & the world unfolding. Don’t worry if you’re new to this, this will help!

THIS IS A MASSIVE POST, TAKE YOUR TIME AND GRAB SOME WATER, YOUR ABOUT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 😉🤭🤭

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So around 7 years ago I started stepping into the world of what people typically call manifestation. I went down the rabbit hole of Subliminals, Law of Attraction, Law of assumption, NonDuality and finally to where I am now, the unlabeled.

I want to preface by saying, I have been through an unimaginable amount of turmoil, and growth while on my journey to understanding reality and the way the world appears.

I’ve spent all of my time from back to when I first found out about this side of reality, to today while I’m writing this post, constantly looking at a multiplicity of teachings and teachers to figure it out, except until the very end. I really want you to know this because it’s very important to not brush this off as if it’s not possible for you, as if you have to adapt a technique or secret. This isn’t something that’s to be exhausting. With that being said, let’s move forward.

We all want things, we all have ideas of a life we hope to live, we want to fill it with all the experiences and specific details that match our taste. But this is actually, where the problem begins.

The way manifestation is taught is inherently wrong, I’ve fully stopped watching and consuming content that has anything to do with manifesting all together, because no matter what it is, Law of assumption, Law of attraction, all of the other ideologies that promise your desires, they all have a fundamental flaw, identity.

They usually all entail a similarity: methods, techniques, specific things you can do and ways you can act to make an outcome happen. All the while throwing in a random “because you’re the god of your reality”. And instead of focusing on the phrases that relate to the center of all of it, YOU, it’s simply just brushed past.

And not just the typical “your source”, “your operant power”, “you are the manifestation,

We get it but wtf does that actually mean, and why should you care??? Well, let’s get into this, because once you start from point A, everything else makes sense.

What all these teachings of the world get wrong is the idea that you can want things and desire, as source. Fundamentally this is a paradox, you can’t exist in desire and want if you are the source of reality. It’s not to say you aren’t, but it’s to say, you don’t ACTUALLY want and desire, but the illusion of being separate from the world is what makes you want and desire.

Let’s break the illusion.

Ask yourself this for me. “Am I aware”.

The answer will always be yes. Undeniably. And no matter how many times you repeat this, the answer is always yes, no matter a feeling, no matter a pleasant or unpleasant experience in the world, no matter any circumstance, you will always say yes.

Why is this so important to explore?

Because you are able to see from direct experience what source is.

When you asked yourself that question, did you notice something weird that happened? It’s almost like everything paused for a split second and your attention went somewhere to find the answer, and a response came from there. Look closer, ask yourself the question again, and this time try to find where the answer is coming from.

You’ll find that it comes out of nowhere, and if you try to trace it as far back as you can, to even before you answer yes, there this empty space of knowing that the answer conjures in.

This is consciousness. This is you.

Whether you name it consciousness/awarness or knowing, it doesn’t matter, it’s all interchangeable. But the important thing to note is, this thing doesn’t ever go anywhere. That is your true identity, the starting point of all ideas, the starting point to anything that can possibly be known. Every decision is from here, every expression comes from here, everything leads back to knowing. When there is emotion, it is known, when there is idea, it is known.

You being able to know that you are aware comes from this. This is the unseeable, the thing that can’t be perceived in any way, this is origin, its source, and its you. Take a shot at it, try to see what knowing looks like, its weight, its shape, its color, its dimensions, what its favorite color is, what it doesn’t like or does like. You’ll be left with nothing, as in no descriptions, but definitely knowing that there is a presence there that never goes away. Now try finding its name, its age, its skin color, its voice. You cant, and yet, from this very nothingness comes your undeniable answer that you exist and you are aware of your existence.

You don’t need and feelings to know, you dont need sight, sound, and sense of perception, you don’t even need to acknowledge the body in any way, but you know you “are”.

At some point when there were no worlds and universes, there was an unseeable, dimensionless plane from what everything came from, does this sound familiar? Before there were things, there was no-thing, a presence yes, but no objects. And from this, reality was expressed, but source can’t go away, the fundamental key to everything there is today, has to remain, or else everything else would not exist.

Concouisness is what you are. And it IS the origin.

Now how tf do you live you dream life???

By understanding that the world is also just an expression of source, conciousness/you.

I need you to understand something that I thing we can all agree on, if everything has one source, it would only make sense for everything to be the extension of that thing that gives it life. The world is no different, and trust me I know this without a reasonable doubt. I’ve spent closer to a decade trying to figure this out. Everything exists in/on the field of consciousness/you.

I need you to trust me, because no matter how far you have been in your journey and how tiring it might have been like it was for me, I promise you, this is worth it all.

Step away from the ideas of wanting and needing, put on your neutrality glasses and perceive the world as 2 simple things, conciousness and conscious expression. These are the only 2 things that drive experience itself.

Understanding that you are source, more things become clear. Where do all the stories of all the unfavorable problems in your life activate from? Where does the idea of good events activate from? Where is it that any form of knowing come from, you. Whether it’s about struggling with money, or about someone loving you, the story or ideas, conjure from you.

We already know that we are conciousness, but now let’s acknowledge the second mosy important part, reality begins at us, draw yourself into something that you don’t really like, something you’d like to change, now notice where it activates from.

From knowing. Knowing the idea or story is its creation

Now when we see it casually, as just another thougt about something the world is showing us we brush it off and move on with our day, until we have to face that thing, but, what if this was actually in reverse?

Because if everything is an expression of source, doesn’t that mean the world is too? It would have to be. Doesn’t that mean, anything registered by the senses has to abide by its source? And doesn’t that mean, that the world is not truly something of its own will?

The short answer is yes absolutely. And I can tell you, this is it. THIS WILL BE VERY F$&#*NG IMPORTANT.

Admitting to the idea that there is one source for everything is literally acknowledging that everything can only show up IN ACCORDANCE AND RESPECT TO WHATEVER ITS SOURCE IS.

THIS MEANS, the the world is a PROJECTION of source, IT DOES NOT STAND ALONE. It does not OPERATE ON ITS OWN.

The world is the projection of consciousness.

Following me??

Like a hologram, like a school projector QUITE LITERALLY a projection.

From us, an infinite array of stories and ideas come, and they only become activate or exist if we allow them to, if we give permission to this thing to exist.

That story that you’ve had about SP (Specific Person) or Money or Success, has always been activated by you. TELL ME WHERE ELSE IT STARTS. You can literally even prove this to yourself right now. WHERE DOES THE STORY BEGIN.

And because the world is just an expression/extension of its source (YOU) it is ONLY GOING TO BE WHAT SOURCE IS. Because it is source, just with senses and perception. It is coming face to face with what you are aware of.

The way the world shows and all of its details are projections of whatever you decide to activate. How do you activate something? BY KNOWING IT.

How do you know “red apple” ? By knowing it. That is the origin for this idea. And you can run this test for every single story you play on loop, find its source, it will always be you.

Now, for the important steps moving forward. Stop treating this like an on and off switch, truly stop caring about a feeling, stop letting yourself get so swayed out of understanding your identity as the source, do NOT give up this beautiful opprotunity just because it seems or feels different.

You’ve been taught for so long that the world has to be struggle, so that’s all you know, you’ve been told that things don’t always come easy, this is all you know, take the time, take the days and weeks you need to break out of this useless cycle of exhaustion and understand who you are as source

Do not double down on doubts, double down on the truth, regardless of how you feel, take your time to feel, take your time to be, but never allow yourself to slip back into the brainwashing of the world.

Moving forward you need to understand the world objectively, not with the ideas of wants and desire, but for what it is. Source can’t want, you turn it into desire by creating a sense of divide for yourself. You pretend the world is something to change, drop this. You pretend that the body is all you are, drop it, you pretend that there has to be more to this but knowing, DROPKICK this into the damn ground.

This all is very simple. Everything being the expression of source is only projecting what source (You) are. The world is a direct projection of conscious activity. Whatever is know is given permission to exist, it’s given life. It’s created. THIS. IS. IT.

Whether it be blue butterflies, getting a free coffee, or changing your eye color, it all is just knowing. And this isn’t something that turns off. This is reality, this is you. Start noticing the random things the world shows up as when you were just thinking about it the other day or a few hours ago. It is not a coincidence I assure you.

That friend you were thinking about calling you? Yeah.

That song you were thinking about suddenly popping up? Yeah

That “problem” you were thinking about suddenly reappearing? Yeah

It is all the same, yes it will take getting used to, but please understand me when I say this, it took me a painful amount of time and effort to finally see this as the truth, the amount of months I’ve spent isolating from content and other teachings allowed me to take ONLY personal experience, I tested it day in day out and this IS it.

Currently I expand my comfort on how seamless existing is, and I can assure you, if I can come to this conclusion, you 100% can because it has NOT been easy for me, and it almost didn’t want to accept it. But the moment I did, and kept seeing it to be true time and time again, I knew I had to go fully in.

You create the idea of wanting by doing this.

“I really want Sp to text me”

This is what you’ve given permission to exist, this is now activated, it now is conscious activity, and because the world is source projected with senses the world IS this.

You treat it like an absolute, but when it comes to something like this:

“Sp loves texting me”

You treat it as effort, and something to do and wait on. Now tell me, does that make sense? Does the idea of waiting, wanting, desiring, changing, even make sense with the knowledge you have up to this point? Nope.

You need to understand. The world is not a story, it’s projection, and it can only be projecting you. Stop turning to the world as if it can make statements, as if it’s feeding you ideas, when you’re the one activating them. You NEVER actually change the world, it’s you that activates a new idea. THATS IT. It exists because you know it. A feeling cannot stop you from knowing, the world cannot stop you from knowing, ONLY YOU can stop yourself from activating a story. A story can’t exist if it isn’t known.

So, don’t you think it’s about time you see past the illusion of wanting and see for yourself what you are?

Don’t you think it’s time, to wake up.

[odyssean-flower]

i think what i love so much about your fic is how you made reader a normal person. just a normal person. she is the most relatable y/n I’ve ever come across in all my years of reading fanfiction. she’s not beautiful, she’s not special, she doesn’t have your average cliché tragic backstory, she tends to come off as abrasive to her peers more often than not—it’s brilliant. she’s just your average woman who really means no harm, doesn’t have any big aspirations and knows her place in life. she knows she’s better off than most but she’s still riddled with insecurities. i think that’s what resonates with me most about your mc. im not beautiful, im not special, i also tend to come off wrong to people during first impressions—and then you connect that person with someone like neuvillette? kind, thoughtful, unbiased, untainted, tender, empathetic neuvillette? gosh you’re an actual genius. you and your writing, author, is exactly what fiction, as a whole, needs more of. more characters that are just people. normal people. normalcy. it’s a beautiful thing, really. something painfully underappreciated. it’s getting tiring seeing every female lead be this gorgeous woman who’s “the chosen one” or something and can do everything and everyone falls at her feet, particularly the men. it’s so unrealistic and tedious and, most of all, impossible to relate with for most people. your mc is the exact opposite of a that and it’s such a breath of fresh air. im sorry for rambling but 😭 i could go on for days why your mc is literal perfection, but i’ll leave it at this!! i love you and your work very much <3 never stop writing and i hope every blessing in the world comes your way 🫶

omg im so happy that you like my mc! sometimes i worry that she's a bit too developed to be a y/n haha

yeah i always intended to write a fic where neuvillette gets with an ordinary person, partly because i didn't really feel like making up an elaborate backstory or powers, and partly because i thought it'd be an interesting thing to write about. now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with overpowered mcs who are the center of the universe--far from it. fanfiction is inherently self-indulgent after all and i think everyone should write what they want. but maybe it's because i grew up on YA novels featuring chosen ones that I'm starting to prefer more ordinary protagonists as i get older haha. i said this before but a lot of my fic is inspired by jane eyre, one of my favorite books.

anyways there's still a lot of obstacles that come with writing an ordinary mc with no powers or mysterious backstory as you can see haha, like coming up with stuff to further the plot and romance, since there's no real reason she would get involved in dangerous shenanigans lol

[tarnished-butsogrand]

oops i thought i had haha well hi again!

lol that’s why i can’t listen to regular music, i get distracted singing along! video game soundtracks are good too they’re def designed to make you zone out and focus on what you’re doing. pfff i can’t read or write with music either, unless it’s lofi. also weirdly i love boba shop asmr of them making drinks.

ooo i like a lot of music! i listen to a lot of rock, alt rock, lot of 90s singer/songwriter, but i’m also a huge kpop stan so i listen to a lot of that. big david bowie fan, norah jones, but also bts, txt, stray kids, and a bunch of others. what about you?

ooo that’s so interesting, i’m sending holiday pal messages to another person too and she’s also indian! i love how much im learning about your holiday celebrations! i know a little bit about Kali but not much. what do u like best about her?? and what do u do to celebrate? that sounds so cool! i wish we had festivals for goddesses! for christmas we do a lot of decorating, baking, watching christmas films, making cozy foods, lots of chocolate, of course gifts we open on christmas morning. we’re always gifted new pajamas that we’re supposed to open on christmas eve, but me and my sister really wanted to wear them leading up to christmas so my mom let us open them early this year haha.

does it get cold where u live? 🌸❄️

Hello friend!

Ahh, I never realised that about video game music, it actually makes a lot of sense? I need to try it out. Maybe it can be my secret weapon because I desperately need one right now. 😭 ASMR is so relaxing to me, it really puts me at ease, so I totally understand where you're coming from.

I used to(still) have a Queen sideblog, and I religiously listened to Queen music for quite some time, and I got introduced to a lot of rock music back then. But I'm a pop girlie at heart, I think, even though I am not choosey about what I listen to. I remember watching BTS music videos back in 2017- there's a song called Save Me, right? There are unreal - the choreography and the music, the song still plays in my ears. Absolutely breathtaking.

So, there's this one fact about her, if you've seen any of her pictures, you'll see she has her tongue out, and there's Lord Shiva underneath her feet. Lord Shiva, who's supposed to be her husband. I always used to wonder why and then I learned that she went on a rampage killing demons ("rakshasa"). She was causing so much bloodshed, but the other gods didn't know how to stop her, so they asked Lord Shiva to intervene. He lay down on the battlefield, and she was so blinded with rage that she didn't notice and stepped on him. And took out her tongue as an expression of "Oops" (it's a gesture that is quite commonplace here, but it might not be elsewhere). So that's the story. She is actually a form of Goddess Parvati, and the reason I like her so much is she represents to me, the inherent strength of being a woman. We are not all dainty and pretty, there's a side to us that's not to be messed with. She's also dark skinned, and there's a lot of colorism that happens in India (read:most of the other goddesses are portrayed as fair). Hence, I have always looked up to her.

She's so revered (you could say for the wrong reasons in this example) that robbers used to pray to her to not get caught. There's something about violent men praying to a Goddess for mercy that is kind of intriguing and ironic. The days leading up to it, have Bhoot Chaturdashi ( which is kind of like the Bengali Halloween) where we light fourteen diyas and place them all around our houses to ward off evil spirits that we believe roam freely that night. We personally don't celebrate Kali Pujo at our house (it's a big ceremony and needs people and space) but there are a lot of other idols that are put up around the city and we visit them. Also it coincides with Diwali, so there's a lot of lights and fireworks as well even though our family doesn't burst firecrackers anymore.

Sorry it got so long 😭 Thank you for showing interest, I really appreciate it a lot. ❤️

Your Christmas Pyjamas tradition sounds so cute! What all do you bake? What's your fave thing to bake? Have you put up your tree yet? What Christmas movie is your favourite to watch? I have lots of questions!

It doesn't snow here, of course, but it can get quite chilly. One winter, it went down to 5 degrees Celsius. How cold does it get where you live? Does it snow?

[the-owl-tree]

objectively im aware of the issues with a shadow in riverclan but also as a “bad trauma survivor” (read: somebody whos paranoid, lashes out, and self-isolates, currently in recovery) the book speaks to me on a personal level in a vaccuum and i cant really make myself hate it. and honestly some of the criticisms i see get REALLY close to the “if a trauma survivor lashes out at the wrong person then theyre an inherently horrible person” thing thats so common in fandom. if you get what im saying? like i dont think thats what theyre saying (im autistic and have a hard time looking past initial impressions) but also the phrasing is. eh.

its like in the grand scheme of warriors and the writers history of misogyny the issues are there, but the way some people word their takes makes me. Uncomfortable. if that makes sense. (this isnt me defending the writers or looking for a fight just something ive noticed that im having a hard time wording)??

that being said feathertail should have thrown leopardstar into a volcano and i cannot comprehend her decision to forgive her

No no you’re good! I understand what you’re trying to say, I definitely understand where you’re coming from. While I can definitely understand where you’re coming from, I think it’s worth mentioning (and I’m just preaching to the choir here, you seem well aware of these issues so I’m not trying to argue or dismiss your feelings) that Feathertail’s feelings are supported by the narrative. You’re meant to understand why she’s angry and lashing out, her feelings are justified by the story. So when people are discussing this, (and of course, I think being aware of wording and the potential hurt one can cause is important), her lashing out at Sasha in itself isn’t the issue, it’s how the narrative treats it.

Sasha in herself is a “bad victim”, she is someone who loves her abuser and, whether people want to admit it or not, it can lead a lot of people to invalidate the abuse people face because of this. So why is Feathertail able to forgive Leopardstar and not Sasha when the former plays a far larger in what happened to Feathertail? How does that play into Feathertail’s overall larger arc of forgoing outsider attachments and devoting herself to her Clan? And what is the narrative trying to tell us about Sasha, a character who, as I’ve stated, does not play her victim role “”right””?

Not saying you’re arguing that Feathertail’s treatment of Sasha is right, you’ve pointed out you recognized the underlying bias the narrative has. I’m just trying to speak to why this plot line is a bit of a double edged sword in trying to discuss “bad victims”. I definitely understand what you’re saying though, it’s always worth keeping real people’s feelings in mind when discussing these things.

You’re absolutely right on the last point, she should’ve fed Leopard to that fox lol

[journalofanangel]

what causes me to self destruct?

the fear of losing, the fear of missing out, the fear of disappointing someone (regardless of our relationship or how close we are), the fear of being hurt or abandoned... i also overthink and blame myself and can't separate myself from my thoughts and emotions.

I feel pressured, ashamed, and anxious. I get a rush of adrenaline that is mostly, if not entirely, shame and anxiety. I get nervous and, even if I feel like I'm thinking clearly, I'm still irrational and I can't put two and two together. this might have to do with my disorders unfortunately.

If you label yourself as a bad person, you’ll start to believe that something’s inherently wrong with you and that you’ll never improve. Instead, by thinking of yourself as a good, worthy person who makes mistakes, you give yourself permission to grow. (quote)

i struggle with understanding why my friends think im a good person, why they love me, or why they don't think I'm a horrible person. i feel a lot of shame around who I am, where I come from, and the lies I've told. i feel like I have so many reasons to feel horrible and I feel like others should think I'm horrible too.

i know there's something positive to take from this but I'll add that on later.

you could tell yourself that you are allowed to choose a healthy alternative to your self-destructive behavior. For instance, you could turn to alcohol when you’re in pain, but you’re also allowed to call your friend for support.

the important thing for my to remember is that I'm allowed to rely on people. i can't consistently rely on most of the people around me because I don't feel understood or safe around them. i feel like if i don't have someone to ground me, i spiral. i can ground myself at times but then i still get scared. i get scared so easily unfortunately.

my friends have told me it's okay to reach out and rely on them. it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to talk to them, it's okay. i never really feel safe around my family though. i feel so disgusting around them. they say they're happy to be part of these things but it feels so gross every time. i don't want to be around them.

i wanna feel safe... i wish this one friend could feel safe around me but with this kind of behaviour and this mindset, I get why she can't. i understand why.

i wanna find some healthier coping mechanisms that work in the moment, things that can help me slow down when I can't rely on others.. I'd like to not be so dependent.

If avoiding self-destruction is intensely difficult, try waiting 30 minutes to engage in the behavior instead of acting on the impulse right away.

I've tried this, I think I just need to dedicate myself to it. especially when I feel myself having doubts that end up being true...

Overcoming self-destructive behavior is not an overnight process. Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness is essential as you work toward healthier coping skills. When you’ve relied on self-destructive actions to numb your pain for so long, you likely feel some degree of mental, emotional, or physical addiction to the behaviors.

I always expect to heal overnight, I expect to fuck up once then never do it again.. I never expect kindness or forgiveness, i scare myself into acting how I think I "should" and then inevitably end up shaming myself into acting a certain way.

this is really hard. i feel horrible but I'm trying to improve, I just hate hurting people over and over like this. im tired of disappointing people. I've been tired of this. it's so hard being consistent. it's hard but I'm trying. I've stopped caring if people notice or if they care, this isn't about them at this point. it's for me and, inevitably, the people I love. i can't keep shaming myself and running away.

I should bring this up to my therapist. this can be something she helps me with. i want to stop focusing on the past and putting so much energy into feeling bad or being angry about what's already happened. I want to heal, I want to do better.

i want to love people without deeply wounding them. i know the hurt and the mistakes are inevitable, we're only human after all and love is a complicated thing, but I want to love them anyway.

I want to love and I want to be good. I want to feel whole and safe.

saturday march 4th 2023 2030

[sonicattos]

here’s my critique on what you said exactly and in order:

1) you contradict yourself by saying that you don’t think all narcissists are abusers but then later imply that the only way to get diagnosed is to be abusive. which is in fact false. (as stated above) narcissism is formed from feelings of neglect, and feeling an irrational need to inflate your self worth and image. which could include verbal/emotional abuse but can also mean something like giving to the poor and bragging about it. or even doing things to yourself. you have basic comprehension of the subject but clearly not enough to know what you’re talking about.

2) “narcissist” MEANS “person with npd” (just like how autist means “person with asd”) it’s not a word to describe someone with traits. the correct terms are “selfish” “insensitive” “egocentric”. not “narcissistic”

3) okay so your argument is “this person isn’t abusive for no reason” which i agree with, but then you say it’s because of “narcissistic traits” alright, but where do the traits come from then? abuse is often from a person who was also abused or are just really ignorant of their own behavior. most abusers have so-called “narcissistic tendencies” because what they want to gain is self centric, however, as stated before, not every person with the disorder FUCKING ABUSES PEOPLE.

4) you fail to see how it’s ableist because you don’t know what you’re talking about.

5) “i can tell you’re passionate about this” i cannot begin to describe how angry this made me it feels so condescending like im being talked to like im fucking 5. look i did the research and YEAH i am “pAsSiOnAtE” because mental health is a special interest of mine. give me a break.

6) you’re not an expert on narcissism because you got abused by a “narcissistic person” using your definition I get abused by a “narcissistic person” but i don’t call it that. i call it abuse and neglect.

7) narcissistic abuse doesn’t fucking exist. it’s just called abuse. abusers are inherently selfish. my fucking god.

8) never said that people who are talking about abuse are lying. if you read my fucking post correctly you would see that i didn’t. i’m a fucking victim bro why the hell would i accuse someone of doing that???

9) i ALSO never said that there aren’t people who are abused by narcissists. abuse by a narcissist isn’t any different than abuse by a non narcissist because abuse is fucking abuse. anyone can be abusive. that’s my point. narcissism doesn’t make you inherently a bad person just like how not every autistic person is chris chan.

10) i have no choice to respond because it pains me that this so stigmatized. you come in my ask box telling me how im wrong and saying that im an abuse denier. there’s something wrong with this fucking website

Ok I apologize for how long this is but I read your post about npd and I have some thoughts I want to share. First, yeah that screenshot is gross and ableist. With ya on that. Making fun of someone for having a disorder is wrong, full stop. Also, I agree that it's wrong to call someone narcissistic just because they're abusive. Not all abusers are narcissists and vice versa.

HOWEVER. Many of the symptoms of clinical narcissism relate to how people interact with others. And the reason they are regarded as "symptoms" is because truly narcissistic folks relate to others in an abusive way. If people with narcissism did not typically display abusive and/or manipulative behavior they would have nothing to be diagnosed with.

I'm a victim of abuse by a narcissistic person. (Notice I don't say they have NPD. I'm not "armchair diagnosing for sympathy" here.) That person was not simply abusive for no reason. They were abusive BECAUSE they had narcissistic traits such as having little regard for others. I genuinely fail to see how saying this would be hateful or ableist. I can tell that you feel very passionate about this, but as someone who has been on the receiving end of abuse by a narcissistic person, I feel that your post is implying that this kind of abuse doesn't exist, or worse, that people who say they have suffered it are making it up. I know there are a LOT of people who throw around the term narcissist and don't know what they're talking about. But there are also people who truly have been abused by narcissists. And they're not lying for attention.

Don't feel pressured to respond and I apologize for the wall of text. I just have strong feelings about the subject and wanted to share.

1) please don’t take words from my mouth. i never. EVER. said that the abused are making up being abused. i come from a very abusive household that i STILL live in. my mom and my sister used to fucking beat me. i was starved. i was denied any medical help for illness. im isolated. i was groomed into believing that i was more mature than i was and wasn’t treated with the care a child could have. i was and still am constantly told how useless i am and how my mental/physical issues are my fault. my parents never cared and only did things that benefit themselves. i would never deny that someone could hurt someone and i never had. jesus fucking christ.

2) i study psychology. i know i can’t just prove that by saying it but you have to take my word for it i genuinely look deep into this stuff, as it’s a special interest of mine. you come from a place of ignorance of the situation as a whole. never call someone with “narcissistic traits” (aka abusive traits) a narcissist. it’s a medical term. again. call it what it is: abuse. there are other ways to describe that abuse than labeling it as such. narcissism is supposed to be a neutral term to describe traits of npd, not how someone is acting.

3) no. you don’t have to be abusive to be diagnosed with npd. there are many symptoms and tendencies that come with the disorder and it’s also a spectrum just like any other disorder.

npd describes a disorder of someone who has an inflated self-importance. besides putting others down to lift themselves up, they can also try to lift themselves up in a way that’s unrealistic or may seem “prideful”, try getting other’s attention by doing something good or dramatic. narcissism comes from a place of abuse from their elders, either emotional neglect or lack of teaching of responsibility. it affects those who lack empathy or even other mental illness’, which again, doesn’t mean you are an abuser or a bad person.

how would they get diagnosed? perhaps they’re hurting themselves. maybe they have constant breakdowns for not getting attention. etc. a dramatic event of abuse doesn’t have to happen for a psychologist to figure out someone has npd.

4) the entire point of the post is to tell fucking people to stop using a word that they learned on the internet and didn’t look up what it meant maybe besides the fucking saneist articles vilifying narcissistic people instead of educating one what the disorder actually is.

people with npd deserve sympathy as much as any other person. they deserve help and awareness as well. narcissism isn’t a word to pass around like table salt. it’s a real thing that people suffer with. they’re hurt. they believe if they don’t do something that they’re not worth anything. yes a lot of them become abusers because people who are abusive have most likely been abused. but not every person who’s been abused is abusive.

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

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Did you play the kh dark road update? If you did what are your thoughts about it?

 I DIDN’T PLAY BUT I WAS WATCHING DAMO’S LIVESTREAM THE MOMENT THE UPDATE DROPPED </3 honestly the reason I’ve gone inactive is because I’ve done nothing but work on wayfinder charm designs for the scala squad and the upperclassmen, you don’t uNDERSTAND IM OBSESSED 

but but but, here’s some thoughts under the cut ! as usual, warning for spoilers ahead and lots and lots of text bc I’m a blabbermouth

ok so, I’ll start in order so it’s easier for me to keep track of

the disney worlds being more relevant AND helpful to the story

I’ve seen so many people say this and they’re so fuckin right, cause disney worlds used to be just fun places where SOMETIMES things related to the plot might happen. at best, a certain disney sidekick and their movie helped develop the main gang/plot but no one really thinks “hey KH2 atlantica really helped Sora grow as a person and was super important to the overaching plot huh”. like, sure, not EVERYTHING has to be plot heavy or super relevant, especially in a game aimed for kids but christ I literally erased all of KH2′s lion king from my brain bc the only thing worth remembering there is “look sora is a cute lion!”   

it just feels nice because in other games, all these bad guys WERE meant to be THE hottest shit in the world, the scariest mfs you would ever face, but they essentially had nothing other than a fun boss battle and boom bye. nomura kinda spent a few games kicking maleficent’s dead body trying to make her relevant again.

so seeing the Scala squad actually make use of the magic mirror’s abilities MORE THAN ONCE was actually fucking revolutionary for me like, yeah of COURSE you would go back to THE magic mirror that so far has been doing nothing but answer any question you’ve given him. of course it’s cool when MALEFICENT KILLS BALDR’S SISTER because she hasn’t been directly relevant in anything since. what. KH1 or KH2. I liked that Hades, as the GOD OF THE DEAD, actually has the power to BRING PEOPLE BACK IF HE WANTED, if only for a bit LIKE. WOW!!! THEY *ARE* IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL PEOPLE

characters being more than just good vs bad guys. the morality and mentality of light vs darkness being more nuanced. 

the main issue a lot of ppl had with Xehanort and Eraqus is that they were rlly painted as strictly bad vs good, but only Eraqus was allowed ??? some semblance of respect in the games ??? even if he fucked up A LOT. because he was, in the end “a good guy”. and Xehanort was just this villain bordering on cartoony with the funny wiggly fingers no one fucking understood but that you were meant to forgive in KH3 despite everything he did, which felt very undeserved

BUT HERE IN DARK ROAD you get to see more of everyone and their clashing ideologies and morals, which is even sadder in retrospect when you see that they’re extremely close and genuinely cared about each other and their world. Xehanort wants change, Eraqus wants to remain the same, Vor is conflicted because she’s right in the middle, the upperclassmen are willing to do horrible things for the greater good, baldr is. well. going thru it 24/7, etc.

Eraqus being so fucking stubborn and determined to eradicate darkness because to him, darkness is inherently evil, MEETING SOMEONE who thinks the same AND is willing to go a STEP FURTHER to help was SO good to me, like Vidar really showed up and did that

just like Xehanort, someone who knows change is part of life and believes darkness could be controlled if you’re strong enough, who has been an outsider everywhere he’s been, MEETING BALDR, WHO IS AN EXTREME VERSION OF HIM GONE WRONG TOO. its good, its very good, i like it

THEY ALSO TALK ABT THE THING I’VE BEEN WAITING SO MANY YEARS TO BE BROUGHT UP ??? ABOUT HOW DARKNESS AND LIGHT ARE EXTREMELY OBJECTIVE CONCEPTS AND UNIQUE TO EACH PERSON - the constant discussions between Eraqus and Xehanort about where darkness comes from exactly, if it’s inherent to a person’s heart or if it’s an outside force corrupting them and so on are genuinely very interesting to me. because there ARE people who are genuinely corrupted and shitty, but there’s also people who go through horrible shit and are consumed by their trauma and negative feelings. you’re not just “a bad person” just because you suddenly have darkness inside you. you’re not just a “good person” just because you side with light either.  everyone is fucked bc they all have to make do with the things they know and what they think is right while darkness is out to get their asses

its not that simple, but with a single push anyone can go joker mode basically, it’s just fucking stupid to think anyone can be pure absolute light. DDD even touches this when it comes to Sora being perfect too, but he’s just as liable to falling into darkness if pushed enough, HELL, ANTI SORA  IS A REMINDER OF THAT

sure, KH3 did drop some vague shit about Elsa being at the verge of falling to darkness BECAUSE she believed her powers were harmful and thus they became part of the darkness. sure, KH3 also had Aqua falling to darkness after all this time, but you don’t see why or how, she’s just THERE for shock effect and eh. ehhh.

alternatively, the lack of upperclassment content makes me sad........... I wanted to see them banter and see a bit more of their personalities individually

I love their designs, man......I wanted to see more of them...... just look at them... look at this fella...hes just layin down, sleepin, chillin

look at them... Vala took off her glasses to sleep, you barely even get to fuckin see these two bc Vidar’s dialogue box gets in the way but they rlly did that little detail... 

Also the ninja, Vali, not talking and being sneaky bc he’s a ninja and his only dialogue happening during the fight against Baldr.... I JUST - LOOK AT HIM HES SO COOL AUGHHHH 

like all fucking upperclassmen are so cool and strong like the part where Baldr summons a bunch of heartless before going to the tower and they’re all surrouned bUT THE UPPERCLASSMEN KILL EVERYTHING IN A FUCKING SECOND ????? 

LIKE WHY DID YALL DIE TO THE ALBINO TWINK LIKE?? BRO

Vidar and Hoder are also really interesting characters from the scenes they’ve had. I think about the moment at the tower during the final confrontation against Baldr, when Hoder shows up to talk to him and because they’re so close, they know exactly what’s happening and block each other’s attacks. And when they reach out and they have the same expression. AND WHEN ODIN ASKS XEHANORT TO RID BALDR OF DARKNESS, HODER DOES IT BC SHE KNOWS XEHANORT IS HESITATING BUT SHE DOESNT BC THATS HER BROTHER. SHE KNOWS ITS BETTER LIKE THIS

also also, all the little details, tie-ins and foreshadowing too

I like how they explain that death is not commonly called, well. “Death”. because these people don’t die normally, they replace the word “die” with “disappear” because that’s literally what happens to people who die. BUT that also makes me really curious about the graves? What’s exactly the point of tombstones and shit if there’s nobody buried there, like it’s probably just so you can see HOW many people died and feel the weight of Scala ad Caelum’s story but idk, I would’ve liked some unique way of commemorating the death that fits the way they die. 

DDD mentions that all the worlds operate on their unique timeframes and that they’re essentially looping over and over, but the restart happens at random. here in dark road we get to see the worlds BEFORE the restart, hence why Agrabah is empty, and the explanation for the constant swarms of heartless which I thought was a nice touch lol

this mention of the Final World which makes me think about THIS post right here saying that one of the stars in KH3 could be Hoder herself

then we see the conversation between current old man Xehanort and Vanitas about how Vanitas is most likely the remaining Darkness hiding which is A Lot To Think About given the fact that Vanitas has Sora’s face and Sora is hinted to be the next proper Child of Destiny (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK IT’S RIKU BUT ANYWAY) like yeah yeah, Vanitas looks like that because Sora and Ventus’ hearts connected very early on but how ironic is that ???? 

THEN that convo between Xehanort and Eraqus about how many lives they’d want and Xehanort has the balls to say 14 and then days later Nomura drops a fucking drawing of Xehanort in (possibly) Quadratum? yeah. yeah I’m eating that up

oh right, also Eraqus’ entire quirky trait about running away and shit? I thought that would come up eventually as in, he actually ran away and people died because of that choice but I guess not lmfao, that was kinda eh considering how many times it’s brought up in the beginning 

ALSO the fact that their keyblades is a more fancy version of the starlight from KHux really got to me like, yeah. YEAH..... This really is Ephemer’s legacy.....

AND the fact that during Vor and Baldr’s scene at the tower, in every flashback you see EVERYONE fading away in light minus Bragi. Plus some of Bragi’s dialogue like his reason to become a keyblade master, it really is good foreshadowing 

also Odin saying this :

to the guy who was supposed to be the child of destiny like yeah man, destiny sure fucking SUCKS. yall really fucking got this guy to be a sacrificial lamb huh

Baldr as a vessel for Darkness and his entire mass murder scene was pretty cool ngl

Again, I really like the scene where you get to see in a fucking row all the days he spent in his room grieving and mourning and spiraling, like. You know that one post that says “producers : you guys cant show anything showing death or blood.  writers : ok *makes up a fater worse than death*” yeah............... the absolute irony of being possessed by the entity that orchestrated your own sister’s death AND your own demise is very very good 

It’s a bit on the nose that he was meant to get absolutely fucked in the story since he’s been missing from pretty much everything and he has. well. White hair and a sister. That can only mean ONE thing and it’s tragedy.

THIS detail went too fast for me to notice but while rewatching the video I caught it and ??? BRO ??? I THOUGHT VALA TRIPPED BUT SHE SHOVES VOR OUT OF THE WAY TO SAVE HER

also really lets be honest, the counting is so extra and so good. the little quips and jabs like “OH DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU?” and shit were also really funny to me like yeah, absolutely, please show me the flashbacks and explain what happened bc this is Kingdom Hearts and you fucking bet I need the extra info

I like how Eraqus insists that they can STILL save him while Xehanort was ready to fucking kill this guy and that moment of hesitation was all the darkness needed to give ANOTHER fucking speech about shit - a speech that works perfectly because he’s casting so much doubt in Xehanort’s heart by making it all about “it’s us and then there’s THEM” and kind of being like “yeah, the second your emotional support boytoy Eraqus dies, it’s fucking over for your sanity bro, I’ve been there”

and the entire explanation as to how constantly insisting that darkness is inherently bad has led to people like Baldr go absolutely unhinged because they start to believe THEY are bad, despite having done NOTHING to prove that, which relates to Terra’s entire journey and Ansem the Wise’s resentment towards Nobodies and consequent treatment of ppl like Namine, Xion or Roxas who CLEARLY felt things, were developing unique personalities but because they weren’t inherent light, then they weren’t worth the chance 

so basically every goddamn old man who has become a teacher in this entire saga of games is a shithead lmfao. Eraqus doesn’t get to see this conversation between Hoder and Baldr, so of course he clings to that belief of Darkness = evil evil evil, especially with the shit Xehanort is going to start pulling right after this but like

man. look at them. 

AND THEN THEY PULL OUT THEIR SWORDS AND THEN HODER DROPS HERS??? AND BALDR IS REACHING OUT TO HER ONE LAST TIME and the fuckin purple fart just has to come back to ruin it

also this ? THIS? yeah. I love the entire chain thing coming back, I also love seeing the gazing eye and waving at it knowing MoM is writing all this shit down

Vor. Just Vor. I rlly like Vor now

The second I saw her I disliked her because she’s small and cutesy and in media like this those are red flags to me because. All small cutesy characters usually end un being marketable annoying sidekicks with high pitched voices that I can’t fucking stand

BUT I really liked how Vor was present and important throughout the entire thing, acting as a mediator for Xehanort and Eraqus of sorts and also being the middle ground/indecisive person, because ofc not everyone can have super strong morals or want to radicalize the world. She felt like a nice balance and well, I guess everything in KH has to come in sets of three 

I didn’t understand this part during her death at first, I really thought she fucking meant she belonged in the afterlife or death as punishment for leaving her friends behind and I was like holy shit thats sad as fuck, bUT LMFAO SHE MEANT SHE BELONGED WITH HER FRIENDS AFTER ALL IM DUMB AS BRICKS SORRY VOR

Eraqus in this specific frame, that’s all. He looks very polite, I like him, please look at him

anyway that was just to bait you all into reading this part and remember the line Xehanort drops about how Eraqus has done nothing but cry every goddamn night since everyone died and that he’s heard all of it. that was VERY good too I loved that and all the fanart it’s spawning from that, it’s HEARTBREAKING to think about, especially when Eraqus is trying to get Xehanort to laugh as if he hadn’t spent the whole week crying his heart out

and then Baldr’s entire speech about how Xehanort is different, that he’s not like Eraqus and that eventually, once Eraqus leaves or disappears, it’ll be fucking over for Xehanort bc all he’s done is chase after him desperately just casually being destroyed by Eraqus being his funnyman silly self, reinforcing their friendship and that if Xehanort ever falls to darkness, he’ll be there to pull him out

yea

anyway i really hope that the entire bloodlines arc in missing link doesn’t reveal them as cousins or something because. they’re my emotional support divorcees, they got literally everything - childhood friends, trauma, scarring each other emotionally and physically for life, keeping in touch for the sake of their kids, another divorce, absolute pure death and then a second marriage while ascending to the heavens, its amazing

THE Luxu reveal lives rent free in my fucking head you don’t understand, I love this man to bits

everyone used to be so fucking afraid of their favorite characters being part Xehanort or getting norted, now everyone is at the risk of being Luxu and it’s so funny to me as a Xigbar enjoyer

I really like that we’re keeping up the “brai” names lmfao, but also the implications are spiraling in my brain bc does Luxu pick people who have those names As A Statement or does he change them once he possesses them. what happens to the original owners of the body and where do they fUCKING GO, LUXU DID YOU FEEL GENUINELY ATTACHED TO THESE KIDS OR WERE YOU FAKING IT, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE BY XEHANORT’S SIDE KNOWING HE MOURNED YOUR DEATH IN HIS TEENS, DID YOU BECOME A FUNNY MAN OVER THE YEARS UNCONSCIOUSLY BC THATS EXACTLY HOW THE MASTER OF MASTERS ACTED? WHAT IS LEFT OF THE ORIGINAL YOU, WHEN YOUR BODY IS NO LONGER YOUR OWN AND YOUVE GROWN AND CHANGED TOO MUCH TO BE RECOGNIZABLE, I NEED ANSWERS I LOVE THIS BODY SNATCHING TERMITE, HES MY PERSONAL SHIP OF THESEUS AND I LOVE HIM

The KHux player not being Xehanort confirmation is pretty sad but eh. The child of destiny thing and the bloodlines are interesting at least

I really really really liked the idea of Nomura trolling the fanbase who is very vocal and tired of Xehanort being everywhere by making the player ACTUALLY xehanort. it also made sense, Xehanort’s obsession with finding the people in his dreams, because those people were ACTUALLY his friends in his previous life, him being a superempath who leeches people’s memories and feelings is kinda eh in this specific context because I don’t feel it justifies all the shit he does to find Ephemer, Ventus, etc

but baby nort is very cute and I like that we get to be his grandparent and mentor for awhile, probably being the reason he’s also very interested in the outside worlds due to him being stranded here AND all the stories we most likely told him about everything. and I also like that he was pretty much set up to fail the second we died, doomed characters are very fun

I guess this confirms that Skuld’s descendant is Xehanort’s mother since he does mention his mom looks like “the girl from his dreams” aka Skuld herself. So that would mean Ephemer and Skuld’s bloodlines becoming one too, which is interesting, I cant wait for missing link..........

[violenceenthusiast]

im curious why people are saying supernatural is jewish like idk if jewish writers makes an inherently jewish story especially when things like following out the christian apocalypse from revelations and showing a real physical g-d who is just some guy i think is super jarring since though christians claim to be against idolatry they seem totally fine showing depictions of gd or whatever i dont get jesus honestly but jews are far more strict and the idea of showing gds appearance is pretty wrong

WOOF okay um. Maybe this is one of those Tone Doesn’t Come Thru Well Online things but to me this is soo fucking rude… I’m half way between John Mulaney we don't have time to unpack all of that & Ben Wyatt wait it’s gonna bother me if I don’t explain why you’re wrong. 

This turned into all my thoughts. 

So like. First off, it’s all fun and games. We’re all just joking and joshing and projecting here on destiel dot tumblr dot com and Jupernatural is not an exception in a lot of ways. And so when someone shits on what we’re doing here (yes, even unintentionally) what you get is what happened: oh you think you’re funny well I’m about to be hilarious!!! aka I’m gonna do it even more now out of spite specifically because you said not to. Like it really is all jokes but also you know what’s not a joke? Antisemitism in all its forms, even the casual shit! It’s really draining and it builds up in your veins!! Just. Yeah. You saw a lot of people talking about it today in particular because much like other topics of the day, one thing kicks off a whole other turn of events. So like. one misguided comment that’s playfully antisemitic and then one more little one, and then one big/obvious one launched us (Jewish spn fans) into a whole bigger discussion about antisemitism and erasure of Jews in the spn fandom writ large. It’s one thing to be descriptive, offer a headcanon/what if, or employ a certain mode of analysis. It’s another thing to definitively say This Is The Truth, specifically when to do so overrides something else, especially in this case when what’s being overridden is Jews, an ethnoreligious minority. It’s also another thing to talk over Jews. And mind this has been building for days. Not in a bad way just like, it’s been topical for days and then today one big thing pushed it over the edge to us actually posting abt it (partially bc at that point it’s a pattern, which feels like it needs to be addressed). Like, destiel tumblr is small we pretty much all see all the same posts, and then Jewish spn fans… we’re friends, we chat about life? We joke around together, y’know? If you’re being antisemitic (yes, even unintentionally) we’re all gonna hear abt it. It’s how we stay safe or in this case, curate the online exp.

That being said tho projecting on fiction is like fun and even a good thing at times, and def opens up new modes of analysis. But! the other big thing here is that there IS a LOT of evidence for a Jewish reading of spn, in a lot of ways, and particularly if you know what to look for. Like there’s lots of niche Jewish slang (non-Jews just don’t know these things, and that is a reflection primarily of the writers but once you put it in the script it implies things about the characters too of course), the theology of the early seasons (I’ll get to that in a second), main character motivations (hold on), “Moishe Campbell” implying Mary is (and therefore Sam and Dean are) Jewish, etc. 

It’s not surprising to me or anything that non-Jews don’t catch anything/everything Jewish about spn but that Jews catch both sides of it, because that’s just how being part of a marginalized group works. You learn about your own stuff AND the dominant culture’s stuff because that’s how you survive (socially, psychologically, literally). Members of the dominant culture don’t need to learn the marginalized one, are never confronted with it, and so they just.. don’t. I don’t even mean that in a normative or accusatory way, that’s just an observation on the state of things. Non-Jews who aren’t part of another marginalized religion, aka expressed xtians and cultural xtians, have a ton of misconceptions about Judaism, for example, “Jesus was Jewish” and not, “Jesus was an asshole of an apostate who made life harder for Jews at the time in a myriad of ways and whose movement has had a lasting negative impact on world Jewry (and other peoples) for the ensuing millenia”. I truly Don’t Have Time right now to get into the varied and intense history of antisemitism in all its forms but. the point I’m making here is that I’m not shocked I need to explain that life experience shapes your worldview?? So if you’re Jewish you’re always gonna be living life through that version of the world and it does impact you?? Same as anything else?? As unwell as they may be, spn writers aren’t exempt from that. Jewish people writing about xtianity are doing so thru a primarily Jewish understanding and vice versa. Jews can (and did!) write about xtian lore but in a Jewish way! Some core Jewish themes: wrestling with angels/G-d, questioning G-d, IF there’s a G-d they will have to beg MY forgiveness, the afterlife isn’t really a big thing so all that matters is your time on earth, make amends to others directly and thru your actions rather than seeking absolution with G-d, you are not obligated to complete the work nor may you abandon it, etc… So that’s the other reasoning why we say “spn is Jewish” based solely on it being written by Jews. Rather than Death of The Author, let’s look at what the author has imbued the story with, both intentionally and unintentionally. And re: Chuck and idolatry… I don’t even know where to start with the way you phrased this but. the Jewish Spn Writers of Note are apparently Kripke, Gamble, and Edlund. All of whom stopped writing for the show years before the Chuck Is God plot! 

Like yes it feels very stupid to be writing a thousand words on antisemitism and supernatural but like. this is a spn blog run by a Jew so. This whole thing is also just the same every time. This is very representative of typical casual antisemitism.

[imeverywoman420]

I don't think hetero sex is, like, *inherently* anti-feminist or anything, but I have some major reservations against it considering ~70% (at the very least) of men in our age bracket watch porn on a semi-regular basis, if not daily. sadly there's not really a post-2nd wave, pre-deepthroat window of time in which women could exist/experiment sexually (& that's probably not a coincidence, either). most men are coomers,& I don't trust myself to discern bt which ones know what to say & which ones genuinely aren't. like American culture in general is anethema to anything erotic, sexy, hot, even disregarding the politics of it all. is it impossible to have egalitarian, piv sex?no. but I think it's unlikely.

See i see what you’re saying and i respect that i really do but im gonna get my nuttington…..

Like to me thats something i just choose not to think about or else its like swallowing a doomer pill…… i just dont look at their phones or anything lol.

As long as hes not watching hentai or like Motherless you cant really tell if they watch porn unless you ask. Because that sick shit like hentai and xhamster that shows in your face like you can tell without saying a word to them.

N ot saying its wrong tonbe disgusted by men watching porn like it is depressing but what are you gonna do. Indont mean that in like the shrugging way like literally. What are you as a person going to do like what is more important, what concessions are you willing to make etc. No judgement if ur like. Hardcore nooooooo porn not even nudie mags from the 1950s he found in his grandpas house affer he died.

Like personally i think like. coming to a collective as women and deciding whats like. Acceptable or whatever for everyone. Or else ur not based. Isnt as useful as like. Coming up with general questions to ask yourself and a like. Mental framework where u are able to consider everything…

Injust got hit with a wave of huge sleepy innthe middle of that last paragraph im so serious i have no idea what it even says. Theres a high chance its nonsense. Send post!

[custom-emojis]

hiyo, i keep feeling bad because i had a very toxic friend, and i'm fairly sure she had bpd and it was influencing how she treated me, but i've seen so many people with bpd say how people leaving them can be really hurtful, and i feel bad. i understand supporting people with bpd, but i feel like if someone is really putting someone else through shit, asking them to suffer through that just because the person had bpd would be wrong, right?

like, ofc bpd isn't evil, and neither are people who have it, but if someone is dealing with their illness by hurting others instead of focusing on their own healing, that's their fault and i feel like no one should have to stay with a toxic friend just for fear that if they don't they're being ableist because their toxic friend has a mental illness.

i'm not saying this is your belief, but it's the sentiment i've received heavily from a lot of the posts i've seen about people breaking off friendships with people who have bpd, and it made me feel bad for doing that to my friend because i start to think i should've tolerated her toxicity because she was struggling with her mental health, and i don't want to feel like a bad person for prioritizing my own. so... it wasn't wrong of me to do that, right? i know she was struggling and couldn't control what she was struggling with, but i'm not a bad person for not excusing that or forgiving her, am i? sorry, i know this is super random and if it makes you uncomfy i'm very sorry, i just thought since you have bpd, if you give an answer to it i would trust you, idk.

Anon. First off im going to tell you off the bat this was a very fucking shitty ask to send me. and as a warning for my followers: I WILL be unapologetically angry over this.

First off, anon, lets get the elephant in the room out of the way: anybody can leave any kind of relationship they want, for any reason. even if its NOT toxic or abusive, if you want to leave someone and they happen to have bpd. you're in your full right to do that.

now. with that out of the way: you say

"i'm fairly sure she had bpd and it was influencing how she treated me"

Now, 'fairly sure' isn't the same as 'she has bpd'. DOES she have bpd? or are you just ASSIGNING her bpd because she was abusive and controlling?

"like, ofc bpd isn't evil, and neither are people who have it, but if someone is dealing with their illness by hurting others instead of focusing on their own healing, that's their fault and i feel like no one should have to stay with a toxic friend just for fear that if they don't they're being ableist because their toxic friend has a mental illness."

first off, if your sentence starts with 'bpd isnt evil and neither are the people who have it, BUT" then thats probably not a good start. secondly, yeah. obviously. no fucking shit. if someone is being, you know. ABUSIVE. then they're abusive, regardless of their mental illness. and nobody should have to stay with them.

"i'm not saying this is your belief, but it's the sentiment i've received heavily from a lot of the posts i've seen about people breaking off friendships with people who have bpd, and it made me feel bad for doing that to my friend because i start to think i should've tolerated her toxicity because she was struggling with her mental health, and i don't want to feel like a bad person for prioritizing my own"

You sure as fuck made it seem like you think thats my belief. Heres a little tidbit for you: "Anybody can leave anybody they want, for any reason, regardless of anything" and "people who have BPD do find abandonment to be extremely upsetting and sometimes downright traumatizing" are sentances that can and do co-exist. Even so. Even if some weird ass people WERE ever actually implying that: that is ENTIRELY not my fucking problem. Literally. I do not know you. We are strangers. I am a stranger to you.

so... it wasn't wrong of me to do that, right? i know she was struggling and couldn't control what she was struggling with, but i'm not a bad person for not excusing that or forgiving her, am i? sorry, i know this is super random and if it makes you uncomfy i'm very sorry, i just thought since you have bpd, if you give an answer to it i would trust you, idk.

No! it wasnt! and also, I'm not your fucking therapist! Me off handedly mentioning i have bpd and that my fp left me is NOT me opening the doors to you traumadumping on me and asking invasive and uncomfortable things about my complex trauma disorder!

people fucking demonize cluster-Bs enough as it is, why the fuck should i have to essentially coddle you and take the fall as someone with bpd just because your abuser had it.

you didnt deserve your abuse, nobody does! but its not my fucking job as a random stranger running an EMOJI BLOG who just so happened to offhandedly mention my bpd due to the relevance to a video game, to be a monolith for all those with bpd and try to convince people who already hate us due to stigma the very basic concept of 'we can be hurt by things, and our pain can be extremely irrational. and thats kind of the entire fucking point of the disorder, the fact that its irrational and a whole Problem. but we are not inherently abusive because of this, and evenif our pain is irrational or unfair we are still allowed to feel that pain as long as we understand where its coming from and how to deal with it. and we're allowed to express that pain'

and then, even further ontop of that. I literally said said fp was bad. they hurt me in other ways.

this is all in all, one of the most frustrating asks i think ive ever gotten.

you're not ableist for leaving them but you sure as fuck are by sending me this ask

[butwhatifidothis]

Who on your side is going to call you out? Literally every recruitable character except Bernadetta and Lindhardt? And you CAN'T objectively say that the route leaves an objectively worse off Fodlan. A lot of the characters have the exact same single endings they do in other routes. Meaning a lot of their endings are nice and happy and hopeful despite the fact they aided in the conquest of a nation. Hell, some single character endings specific to crimson flower STILL end happily despite this. Alois happily moves to remire and becomes a farmer with his family. Mercedes opens up an orphanage. Also you can't really use Felix' single ending as a mark against Crimson flower, seeing as that's also his ending in all his non blue lions endings.

Those quotes aren't actually addressing Byleth's actions beyond said characters being pissed at Byleth. 

The demonic beasts are never mentioned. The fact that you are aiding in conquest and genocide isn't talked about, just the fact that you are on the opposing side. And some of those characters that are pissed at Byleth and questioning them ALSO *conviently* forget those grievances once they're recruited. Suddenly everybody's all for blindly following byleth in their aiding the conquest of fodlann and the potential genocide of the last few nabateans.

So what, is edelgard "im going to assassinate my classmates and immediately get murdered by bandits in that attempt and nemesis did nothing wrong!" Adrestia suddenly master manipulator? Are all the characters just so blindly loyal to byleth that they're willing to ignore their morals? a

You broke down exactly why, no matter how you look at it, villain route or not, CF falls flat! Because inconsistent writing dictates that 3H can't go all the way with making CF/Edelgard too bad! The full scope of Edelgard's actions never being addressed, even off of CF (the Demonic Beasts are never called out, but the use of them is very clearly villainous given what they are, to use one of your examples)! This is why I have issues with CF - not because oh shit you're the bad guy, but in this regard they don't go far enough! This is exactly why my feelings are mixed towards CF, because of these exact flaws within it.

But even with that, there are still some things of what you said I don't quite agree with?

Like, Edelgard's and Hubert's endings apparently don't point to CF being a villain route, but Alois and Mercedes' do point it to not being one? Why are the latter's endings being given more weight than the former's?

"Those quotes aren't actually addressing Byleth's actions beyond said characters being pissed at Byleth."

...Um... yeah they are? Because they're pissed at Byleth for siding with Edelgard and the Empire? They're not just randomly mad at Byleth for no reason - the characters know what Edelgard and the Empire have done, they don't have to go down the laundry list when they express their anger at Byleth joining her/them. When Ignatz says “We can’t place the future of Fódlan in Edelgard’s hands. If you’re allied with the Empire, I have no choice but to fight you," him not specifically laying out every single crime Edelgard has done does not suddenly mean that those crimes aren't what he's referring to. Shamir saying “You still align yourself with the emperor? What a shame. Let’s make this quick. I don’t want the loser to suffer," doesn't mean that she's just peaved at Byleth for no reason. Ingrid’s quote, “You have chosen to assist the Empire, even while knowing of their deeds. I am truly disappointed in you, Professor. Prepare yourself, heel of the Empire! A wretch like you will never be qualified to rule over Fódlan!” very clearly lays it out that it is all that the Empire has done that is the reason why she’s mad at you and why she thinks you’d be a shitty ruler (and if Byleth is shitty for choosing to side with Edelgard, then that inherently means that Edelgard is also shitty).

Why are they mad at Byleth? Why are they criticizing you specifically joining the Empire? Why are none of them saying “Gee Byleth, it’s pretty ass of you to join Claude’s side, you heartless bitch” on VW? Or similar statement towards Byleth on AM and SS? Why is the Empire unique in being called evil, bloody, savage, etc.? It’s because the action of joining the Empire - joining Edelgard - is a bad one, one that throws away morals to chase the false image of “revolution” Edelgard posits. 

So what, is edelgard "im going to assassinate my classmates and immediately get murdered by bandits in that attempt and nemesis did nothing wrong!" Adrestia suddenly master manipulator? Are all the characters just so blindly loyal to byleth that they're willing to ignore their morals?

The answer? Yes. The same way that Byleth is blindingly loyal to Edelgard and throws away their canonical hatred of TWS to follow her, the other characters throw away themselves to blindingly follow Byleth. Byleth places their trust in Edelgard despite all of the horrible things she’s done, and their character becomes worse for it - the same thing happens to the cast that foolishly decide to continue placing their trust in Byleth despite siding with the villain Edelgard. They either stagnate in their character progression or outright regress, the exact same as Byleth, because CF as a route is all about regression. That’s Edelgard’s whole motivation. It’s not moving forward to a new future, it’s going back to how Fodlan used to be - back under complete Imperial control, with a Hresvelg as the one ruler of Fodlan. 

And Edelgard having one shitty plan and being wrong about history doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to make others look worse than her, how to prop herself up as the hero of the story - we see this from Ladislava, someone who is genuinely completely loyal to Edelgard specifically, that characters genuinely fall for Edelgard’s words. We see this in how she makes Dimitri and Rhea and Claude into these targets that must be destroyed “for the good of Fodlan,” that she can easily shove any and all responsibility for her actions onto her victims. We see this in how she’s just “taking back humanity’s freedom” when she slaughters a heartbroken and maddened Rhea - maddened due to her actions - only to shove humanity under her actually tyrannical rule. Hell, her being ignorant of history again falls back into how CF is partly about ignorance - you’re always ignorant to the depths of your horrific actions due to blind loyalty, so being wrong about history and never being corrected is par for the course.

Where CF falls short is the following: 

the aforementioned endings that always remain the same even on CF, 

where certain characters aren’t given enough attention despite being on CF (Ingrid definitely needed a Felix treatment for specifically this route, since she’s going after the Kingdom directly, for example), 

where even with the idea of the BE getting influenced by the regression of CF they still way too easily side with Edelgard (Ferdinand is by far the worse victim of this), 

where the end result of Fodlan is unification no matter what route you do (more the game overall that suffers from this tbh), 

where the characters don’t mention the depths of Edelgard’s actions off of CF (which is partly why the BE staying with Edelgard on CF comes across poorly, because they never really delve into her actions so them not doing so on CF doesn’t come across very well) - VW is the worst offender of this, as while it makes some sense to have Edelgard be a sympathetic villain on the other routes, doing the same here makes literally no sense (you only know her as a warmonger trying to murder you).

I know this isn’t like, the most popular opinion, but I don’t find it to be an intrinsically bad idea to have the player initially think that they’re not playing a villain route until they go back over the numerous, frankly loud undertones of villainy and evil you help participate in and realize “oh shit wait a minute.” Dragging down characters with you on your path of ignorance and regression? Sounds cool! Playing the other routes and seeing what you essentially look like to all of the people you fight on CF - a heartless conqueror stamping down on all opposition - as you play from the infinitely more heroic POV of the other two lords (+ Byleth’s independent POV) and see Edelgard in the light of a villain (that light the non-recruited/non-CF characters see you in)? Neat! Realizing that you’ve helped a lying, racist, imperialistic warmonger get exactly what she wants as she drags down Fodlan in darkness and tyranny? Interesting! The water is just muddied by poor writing decisions/oversights, but it is very much still (villainous) water. CF is flawed, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what it is.

But I will ask you this nonnie, if you don’t mind! If you don’t think CF is a villain route, what is it to you? Genuinely curious! 

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.

[bigskydreaming]

My favorite thing (cough bullshit cough cough) is when fics allude to all this stuff Jason holds against Dick but never go into any specifics. While at the same time having no trouble being detailed about other stuff in the fam's history or Bruce in UTRH, but the sec its Jason bitching at Dick it gets real vague. Jason's like oh you know what I'm talking about or don't think I've forgotten, you dick....but we're supposed to just imagine for ourselves what that is. Incheresting.

Me at all the fic writers who are like “Oh so you think Dick was never a fuckhead to Jason huh, well in this essay I will....”

Like here’s the thing, as I’m always saying:

Fanfic? Inherently transformative. You can do whatever you want with it.

So that means that yes, absolutely, if you want? For whatever reason? You CAN write Jason and Dick having this extensive history of Dick being a jerk to Jason and Jason resenting him because of it.

But.

But but but but but.

You have to like, actually WRITE that.

And that’s the part that people just.....don’t do. Instead they rely on just handwaving into existence a backstory that only exists on their say-so, and expect readers to just accept Dick’s characterization here as fact, even though its literally not based on canon OR based on anything they’ve actually provided in story......

Because even in a transformative medium, you have to actually TRANSFORM something to get from Point A to Point B!

You want Dick’s character to be this callous jerk full of regrets because he came to his epiphany of How Not To Be A Jerk too late in life and his siblings are all like well we don’t really have time for you now, you missed your shot bro?

Cool cool.

But you have to TRANSFORM Dick’s character from what he’s ACTUALLY like in canon TO that figure there, and there’s no actual transformation in any of these stories. They just start with it taken as a given that this is the way Dick already is, and expect everyone to just catch up and get on board, despite the fact that if we were to anthropomorphize their fic and ask “hey Siri-fic, show us how you got Dick from Point A to Point B,” the fic would say no because there’s no work to show. It doesn’t exist.

Instead, what we actually get is a characterization of Dick that to most of his fans honestly doesn’t make any sense, and we’re like, wait, why is Dick like this here, and in response we get fics being like *points to this part of canon, says everything you need to know is right in there* and we’re like no we’ve been to that part of canon, what you’re describing is literally just NOT THERE. So again, still, once more with feeling: wait, why is Dick like this here?

And not to be contentious on main, oh wait lol I don’t care, but like......tbh this is a very cheap and lazy form of storytelling. And I don’t actually feel bad for saying that, sorry not sorry, because I feel like writers in this fandom have long been perfectly happy to run with this sorta thing and then hide behind “cant criticize my story, Im doing this for free” to keep people from commenting on how this is an ummm not great approach to taking characters from canon and transforming them into something else. 

Even though its like.....I don’t really care about your singular story enough TO criticize it, I’m perfectly content to x out of it and move on to the next one, but when so damn many of these stories are relying on the same shortcut without a single one of them actually doing any of the transformative work to justify their take, and over and over we’re just expected to go along with this, its like.....umm yeah, I do actually feel that at a certain point its abundantly relevant to point out that this IS a ginormous fucking trend and the trend itself is absolutely deserving of criticism.

And quite frankly, when fics or headcanons RELY on the expectation that people just nod and smile and shh don’t question it every time they come across a depiction of Dick Grayson as just this total thorn in his family’s side......like, “no” is actually a perfectly valid response to that expectation, lmao. Nobody is owed fans of this character just sucking it up and being like nah, this is fine, as everyone continues to run with this ball all while justifying it with handwaving and vague pointing at an ever moving target whenever somebody’s just like....”I’m not even trying to criticize your fic, I’m just wondering what your take on Dick is based on, because I think we’re looking at two entirely different characters here.”

Because like....we are! Lmao. Yeah, different interpretations are a thing, but when the Dick Grayson in question is foundationally based on formative events that literally don’t exist anywhere BUT in the fic writer’s mind because the writer never actually wrote them into the fic and they don’t actually exist anywhere else.....we are effectively at that point talking about two entirely different characters. And its extremely irritating for those of us who want to talk about the one that’s based on actual canon events to be constantly told we’re doing it wrong and just being referred back to the general collective view of how ‘Dick is bad actually, cuz we say so,’ when pressed for specifics. Like, I’ve literally had people post or comment about ficlets I’ve written that show Dick and Jason getting along pre-ADITF, where people are like “aww this is so much better than canon, would’ve been nice if we could’ve had this instead of Dick being such a jerk to Jason.”

I mean....fahlkfhaklfhaklfhklafhklahfalhaf! Y’know?

But I mean. I digress. Probably. I don’t know. What was the question?

[castielcommunism]

am i a dummy dumdum who doesnt understand what deancrit/cascrit/samcrit etc means? because i assumed it meant like "dean critical" as in looking at a character through a critical lens. is that inherently a bad thing? i mean i do that with characters i love all the time 😅😅😅 i dont want people out here thinking i hate and despise these characters bc i criticize them or use the word wrong if im mistaken on its meaning

no no no you’re good lol being critical in general is definitely not a bad thing. deancrit means a specific type of criticism, usually by people who approach dean with a fundamental dislike of who he is. Like they’re “critical” of the whole package, not specific behaviours or parts of his character. Critical in this context is used in a lot of fandoms. I have no idea where it exactly originated, but “x character critical” is essentially another way of communicating “I hate this guy and want to talk shit about him” to other people. It’s usually a tag people use on posts, so if you search the deancrit / dean critical tag you’ll get a lot of hits lol.

Now what gets labelled as deancrit versus regular old criticism is pretty variable and depends on the person. I’ve had the experience of literally saying “Dean is imperfect” in a post and someone accused me of being deancrit lol. The context of who’s doing the criticism matters too, like I find people are much more willing to accept criticism of dean or the way he’s written from a destiel blog, but will label similar criticisms as “deancrit” if they come from a sam blog. which isn’t to say people are hypocrites (I do the same thing), but rather I think people are more willing to accept a criticism of dean’s behaviour if it’s coming from someone they know doesn’t hate his guts. And of course not all sam blogs hate dean, but that’s the general perception.

And in general I think the “goal” of deancrit is to objectively prove he’s a bad person by compiling evidence of his wrongdoings. In a way I think part of it is a performance of your own dislike of a character by justifying it in some way. Whereas generic criticism of a character is more like “hey this is kinda shitty, let’s talk about this.” They function differently in the fandom and exist for different reasons.