like literally if i didn’t want to see some weird nonsense i wouldn’t be consuming scifi
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i wish i could live a life where i wasn’t the ‘sick’ one
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Tag yourself and your friends
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Bradley's finally learning how to chill (no he's not)
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
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imagine kevin came back with the foxes instead of staying in west virginia after riko died and he's looking around their dorm room in despair after he sees the damage that jean's rage induced grief inflicted. he's helping clean up & goes to throw stuff in the trash when he see's a pile of andrew's candy bars in there. it's so ridiculous & such a jean thing to do that he actually laughs and suddenly he misses his first and longest best friend so much that he feels sick with it
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ladybug totally talks in her sleep. especially during patrol naps, when sleeping feels like a mix of dreaming and reality, and so a lot of her dreams during that time involve chat noir. out of nowhere she'll say 'chat what the fuck' and he turns around like ???? what did i do??? but she won't elaborate. or, most commonly, she'll just say 'are you okay??' out of nowhere. and he's like. 'yes??' and she wakes up a little and is so embarrassed. she was having a dream about an akuma fight and was so convinced she just saw him take a hit. when really he's just chilling on the rooftop next to her
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can’t stop crying over arthur loving merlin for merlin. like he fr thought he was just some guy but guess what? that’s his some guy. and he’d stick with him forever. i think i’m gonna throw up
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