#the secret diary of a 90s girl

[sendprayers]

i just got to watch the vs fashion show and i did NOT expect to see kate moss AT ALL i bet yall can still hear me screaming from wherever u are now omfg byebyebye

[colebabey888]

The It Girl Diarie Blog

links to all my original It Girl Diarie Blog Post's. mwah!

xoxo, colebabey8.88

- oldest to most recent -

A Guide For Your It Girl Journey

Living Through Your Alter Ego

It Girl Academic Excellence | The Elle Woods Method

It Girl Vision Boards

Steps I Took To Become A It Girl

It Girl Financial Freedom Through Social Media

How to Clear Your Gut

Stop Giving A FUCK

Networking Like An It Girl

Building A Killer Confidence Routine

Day In The Life Of The Ideal It Girl

Organize Your Life Like an It Girl

The Perfect It Girl Beauty Sleep Routine

The It Girl Wardrobe Essentials

Elegance: Talking with Grace and Walking with Poise

Rebranding Yourself in 90 Days

Financing 101

Beauty Secrets of A Brown Skin Girl

Cultivating Your Signature It Girl Aesthetic

Being Delusional is the best Solution

It's Ok To Be A Girly Girl

The Chic Girl Diet

COLEBABEY8.88 Main Study Tips

Embracing Action over Doubt

Clear skin & Gut Health through the ChicGirlDiet

Colebabey888 coded house inspo

[jennifercheckwannabeme]

I love you all!!!

welcome to my digital diary!

pinterest

are you ready to unveil the secrets of the universe? (my mind?). oops! one second let me get my fairy dust ready...

ଘ꒰੭˶• ༝ •˶꒱੭ .⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹❀

right, so what will you find here?

Pinterest finds

my personal thoughts

aesthetic stuff

pretty things

& overall, things that make me - me

what's my name? you can call me anything you'd like!

well here are some clues... to uncover my top secret identity!

I adore lana, Taylor, ABBA, mitski, conan, Sabrina, and more!

I am obviously also. addicted to movies. 2000s movies, musicals, series etc are my fav!! I especially love legally blonde and all the go barbie movies

my comfort 90s show is f.r.i.e.n.d.s. people tell me I act like Monica, but I think i'm more of Phoebe. I also love psych, awae, derry girls, Brighton and anything else I can get my hands on.

my favourite colour is pink, but I love periwinkle and powdery blue too!

im a taurus sun, virgo moon, and cancer rising!

infp, huffelpuff, cabin 10!

I love playing casual games, girl rotting, blogging, reading, and yapping all day long!

note: my previous theme was pink, but I got bored of it! might switch to a different colour if I want to xoxo

DNI: nobody Safe space even if you have Ed or are in recovery! follower count (updated weekly!) : 2422 2520 2771 3106

[lunarhorrors]

Random Headcanons I Have For Various Sunshipduo Variants (an ongoing thread)

- au!guqqie only likes music from like the 60s-90s (ABBA, elton john, spice girls, queen, etc)

- o!aimsey has a secret stan account

- sola (c!guqqie) was obsessed with earth culture similarly to gus from the owl house

- au!aimsey wears mismatched socks

- arg!aimsey is a vegetarian (for. reasons)

- c!aimsey always doodles on blooms hands/arms/legs

- au!aimsey has tattoos

- o!aimsey has a sparkly phone case and one of those bracelet charm things to hold on to ur phone

- hera (arg!guqqie) needs glasses but usually wears contacts. she has a chain for them like a sexy librarian

- a!aimsey wanted to be a veterinarian or a zookeeper when they were young (before all of The Horrors)

- au!guqqie has a little diary where she keeps track of certain memories/flashbacks from their previous lives, but also one for the present so she can ground herself in reality when they get confused

- a!aimsey, even post-finale, has tinnitus from the explosions

- c!aimsey still uses a cane when bloom feels extra sore

- sola (c!guqqie) arrived on earth unable to understand english very well, but spent lots of time w c!aimsey & others on the server as well as time in libraries learning how to read and write in english so stars studies and the book she left for visitors would be understood by ppl who found them

- au!guqqie wants to make changes to their appearance so they don’t look as much like hera

- arg!sunshipduo had pet cats

- c!aimsey knows a bit of sign language

[no1heyyyyyyyy]

Sevika's tastes

Sevika is an old lady and she just wants to be left alone. She likes to look good but when it comes to clothes, Miss thing just doesn’t care that much. She always has practicality in mind. So, no dresses, nothing flowy, has to have natural fabrics so that her skin can breathe, and she requires that things are comfortable. Her shoes are always made for hardware with a strong sole and often reinforced. In the modern world, I see her working in metal working (specifically welding), so she has to have clothes that are multipurpose. Though, if she was forced to wear anything really nice, it would be a simple well-cut blazer and a button down with jeans or slacks that conform to her legs nicely. She prefers earthy colors, nothing too flashy. I think she’d really appreciate a nice dark green, or perhaps brown. I also feel that she would enjoy a nice flannel regularly.

With food, I’m afraid her palette is as unrefined as her clothing choices. She genuinely does not care what she eats, though she really likes chicken- loves hot wings, spicy food is her love. But, her comfort food will always be the food native to what part of India her family is from. I don’t think she’s the best cook, but she has a few family recipes that she knows so well (aloo gobi, chai, samosa, tikka masala, saag paneer). And, I think that on nights where she’s feeling really sad or lonely she always craves those foods. She’d love to cook with or for her partner, it’d be the best way to get to know her honestly. Because it allows for her to show vulnerability through actions and without words. She loves to take care of people and I think in modern times she’d mother her friends just a bit, always making sure they’re eating well, drinking their water, and sleeping right (if not she’ll give them some chai). She doesn’t eat beef or dark meats in general, and she isn’t the biggest fan of seafood or turkey. So, she sticks with her chicken and her paneer. She’ll eat tofu but it needs to be in curry or something similar.

This woman would love 80s hair metal, music is something that I genuinely believe she’d love so much. She’d play drums as a teenager, dead set on becoming the drummer of the next Metallica. She’d also love the old school heavy metal bands, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Pantera. She’d love them all. I think she’d like some old school 90s rap too, but none of the new-age mumble rap that’s going on. She wouldn’t really like Taylor Swift’s music, just because it didn’t vibe with her, but she respected Taylor’s ability to get a bag. She has had a huge crush on Adele ever since she heard the album 25 when it came out. She liked some of her music, but thought Adele was drop dead gorgeous and all mature and soulful and shit, hit her in the feels and made her whipped for this woman she didn’t even know.

For movies she loves shitty 80s slasher horror, nothing that makes her think. She’d sit back in her old recliner in her pajamas and house slippers whilst watching Slumber Party Massacre for the third time, and then put on Golden Girls because she feels that Dorothy Zbornak is her spirit animal. She likes a good sitcom too and a ridiculous drama (she loves Desperate Housewives), she likes the camp, the over the top acting and dumb plots, it makes her laugh and feel care free in a way she hasn’t been in a long time. She just wants to curl up with her pets (she would have many) and watch teen-based tv shows that revolve around crime or secrets (Pretty Little Liars, Riverdale, Vampire Diaries, even Buffy etc.). She likes how bad they are, but she gets so invested it’s ridiculous.

For personal scents she’d like more woody, alluring scents that are also kind of sweet. Think Amber by Rag n’ Bone (it smells so good), she doesn’t spray much, just a spritz, it wafts around her just slightly, just enough for women to fall at her feet. Her individual smell wouldn't be overpowering but it would definitely be clear. It’s grounding and soothing. Her sweat stinks though, every time she comes back from the gym, she goes straight to the showers because her own dogs don’t want to come near her b.o.

In general, Sevika is an old woman who couldn’t give less of a shit. She wants to be left alone with her life and her people and chill. Which is why, I feel like she isn’t that opinionated on much unless it’s boundaries or causes she cares about. She just doesn’t have the energy to be bothered with trivial things like which movie to choose for the night, or which restaurant to go to. She is tired and all she wants to do is eat good food with her partner and her pets in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t like neighbors and she doesn’t like people in her business. She doesn’t need a perfect life, just one that’s hers.

for whatever reason the letters are being weird, it is killing me. Please ignore it.

[dollivess]

hey everyone, welcome to my blog (@dollivess). here are a few things you should know about me. if you like what you’ve read maybe drop a follow? 💞

౨ৎ • about me • ɞ﹒₊˚౨ৎ

౨ৎ i’m not gonna say my name cause there are creeps on here but call me d :)

౨ৎ i’m 15

౨ৎ i’m a christian

౨ৎ married to paul wesley

౨ৎ i’m black (racists dni) !!

♡₊˚ i love the colour pink, lana del rey, lace & silk clothing, candles, reading, books, girlblogging, english, my diary, journaling, music, ballet, 2000s, late 90���s, vintage anything, lipgloss, mascara, fashion, runway models, victoria’s secret, animals, swans, Jesus, mermaids, angels, showers, old hollywood, bows, pearls, princesses, dolls

♡₊˚ fav musicians are lana del rey, lil peep, marina, remy bond, tv girl, ariana grande, avril lavigne, a little pierce the veil, literally any throwback songs

♡₊˚ fav movies are to all the boys i’ve loved before, Jennifer’s body, twilight, the virgins suicide, black swan, coraline, mean girls, priscilla, old disney princess movies, scream movies, wild child, clueless, how to lose a guy in 10 days, confessions of a teenage drama queen, the devil wears prada, legally blonde, girl interrupted, aquamarine, stand by me, american psycho, project x

♡₊˚ fav shows are pretty little liars, the vampire diaries, h2o just add water, gossip girl, skins (uk), modern family

thanks for reading honeys. can’t wait to get to know

all of you !! (any questions, don’t hesitate to ask)

[pinenutposts]

I am old enough to have watched Twin Peaks on tv in its original run (I was a child, mind you, but I did catch a few episodes of season 2 while my mom and stepdad were watching it.) I didn't see the entire series until it was re-aired on Bravo when I was in high school. I also read the Secret Diary of Laura Palmer by Jennifer Lynch (very eye opening for a relatively sheltered girl like me, and also crucial to understanding the show from Laura's perspective, before FWWM existed). I subscribed to the legendary fanzine Wrapped in Plastic by Craig Miller and John Thorne, through my local comic book store. I read alt.tv.twinpeaks. I read theories and news on websites like Glastonberry Grove and Mike Dunn's Lynchnet. I asked my dad to buy me the book of essays "Critical Approaches to Twin Peaks" from Wayne State University Press, and was introduced to things like Foucault, Critical Theory, and Feminist Theory, while my little teenage brain was just entering college and starting to work out what "critical thinking" even was. I obsessed over David Lynch and his art.

Why I mention all this, is that I think having been this type of fan for my entire adult life, and my formative teenage years, I'm able to hold several different and sometimes contradictory opinions about Twin Peaks and its creators, and more importantly, I'm able to enjoy wildly varied aspects of the show and fandom, all at the same time!

When I first saw The Return in 2017, it absolutely repulsed me. I hated it. Then last year I picked up "Ominous Woosh - A Wandering Mind Returns to Twin Peaks," by John Thorne, the only currently living editor of Wrapped in Plastic, and it opened my mind to understanding The Return in a way that I wasn't able to before. I'm not saying it's the definitive explanation (and he certainly does not claim that), but it helped me see it in a way that I just couldn't before, and even begin to enjoy it. There are still parts of it I deeply dislike, but that's okay. Twin Peaks is not a one size fits all. It can be approached from many different viewpoints and readings, and as David Lynch has said about all of his work, everyone will have a different experience of it based on their own experience and perspective. My views of Twin Peaks, including who I ship and don't ship, have certainly changed over the course of three decades!

I would like to encourage people who become frustrated and disappointed at the turns the show takes, and how the third season feels vastly different from what came before, to consider the history of the show. What happened with the network, the actors, Lynch's movie career, when it was made, why it ended when it did. And of course The Return doesn't look or feel like a show made in 1990! It's 25 years later! Lynch and Frost are old men now! Half the cast is dead! It would be absurd if it seamlessly picked up where season 2 (which was a jumbled, but still lovable mess, itself) left off. There's no way it could.

If season 3 had been allowed to be made as originally planned in the '90s, it would look vastly different than The Return. I will forever mourn what could have been, but that's the stuff of fanfiction now. Also, we may not have gotten the masterpiece that is Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, which I consider to be the creative and emotional pinnacle of the series, and absolutely critical to having a full picture of what Twin Peaks is about, if the show had continued. Just food for thought.

I'm also an advocate of simply ignoring things if you really don't like them. There's no reason one has to accept The Return as part of your own personal headcanon. As the creators will say, there really is no definitive "canon" in the Twin Peaks universe!

I don't really know what the purpose of this ramble was, but I felt like going on about it because Twin Peaks has been my "favorite song" for years, and I'm always thinking about it in one way or another ^_^

- Pine Nut

[ac3may]

“ the wag diaries ”

The Origin Story

~ Sam Kerr ~

~~~~~~~~~~

• just graduated, you were a pretty average uni student

• except not entirely

• you were a couple of years older than most of your class

• America, Fiji, Asia you had become a full granola-girl, travel fiend for a couple of years

• hiking and surfing through the days, partying with your hostel friends through the night

• you were the textbook “trying to discover myself” gap-year kid

• yes, you even came home with a pair of those classic baggy trousers plastered with elephants

•although things went a little better for you considering the internet fame your YouTube doc got you (but we’ll get back to that)

• with two younger siblings (twins) you were blunt, and impatient

• but ultimately cared far more about others than you did yourself

• they were your best friends

• elys was renowned for his practical jokes and getting in trouble that only you could get him out of

• enya was the perfect, youngest child, spoilt in just the right way

• always encouraging you to let her practice her makeup skills or plant pretty flowers in the garden

• especially when your mum died, they were the only ones able to get you out of bed

• or failing that at least encourage a smile to your face

• specially considering the lacklustre relationship you had with your dad… who wasn’t really your dad

• your bio-father split before you were born so at 8 you were introduced to your new stepdad

• he was your sibling's father though so you always felt out of the loop, especially once your mum was gone

• growing up in a football family you were their biggest fan when they progressed from grassroots to academy and academy to first team

• attending every game clad in blue with a painted face, number 1 soccer mom to the max

• you would do anything for them

• the biggest people pleaser

• even if it meant catching a flight to a homophobic country to watch your brother's world cup debut

• just a wounded soul who’s afraid to disappoint

• absolutely underestimate your worth

• just trying to blend into the background

• despite being a secret slut for attention and craving someone to care for you for once

• you’d portray the perfect child to your family so they assume you’re a rebel kid really

• but you felt pretty average growing up

• you were adored in your hometown, always helping the elderly with their grocery shopping and the kids with their homework

• a babysitter and a tutor

• a football coach too

• you played as a kid, much like your siblings

• but the teenage depression when your mum died meant you lost all character and quit all hobbies

• at least for a couple of years

• alonely kid in high school, didn’t drink before you were of age, never went to a school party, or hung out smoking in a field

• always followed the rules at school, middle-of-the-road type of student, not memorable for being too good or too bad

• you were a classic 90’s kid except you refused to let the era go

• as a kid, your mum’s camcorder was on you always

• you loved filming everything and always forced your siblings into being the stars

• which was especially easy when it was their football skills you were showing off

• when you got older you filmed your travels, mainly to send back home but actually gained some traction online

• and then during covid when you and the twins resorted to your roots

• it turns out a YouTube series about two of Chelsea and England’s up-and-coming stars actually does pretty well

• despite being a film student graduate you had no intentions of following your peers to Hollywood or the BBC

• it was your sister who secured you a job with Chelsea

• a big surprise at Christmas when Elys unveiled a new camera and Enya followed up with a contract to start in the summer

• somehow you had never met any of the other Chelsea players, always rushing off to travel home after watching the game in the stands

~~~~~~~~~~

Sam’s definitely my most worked on wag diaries so far, already got 2 more blurbs lined up about her😂😅

[lunaspacks]

matt smith gif pack {commissioned by @fierykage }

click the source link for #90 gifs of MATT SMITH born in 1982, in Secret Diary of a Call Girl (s01e06). All gifs were made by me, 268x150, for RP use only. Please, do not repost in gif hunts, gif packs or any other media without my explicit permission, nor claim as your own.   Like or reblog if you end up using them. comissions are open TW: sex

[boyfriendchrisenthusiast]

welcome to madis blog!!!

about me!!!

bisexual. sturniolo triplets. polka dots. pink. autumn. boba tea. madison beer. victoria's secret. hello kitty. leopard print. 90s blowouts. pitbulls. bloody marys. key west,florida.

music: lana del rey, taylor swift, sabrina carpenter, charli xcx, remy bond, chappell roan, megan thee stallion, one direction, harry styles, niall horan, madison beer, tate mcrae, clairo, childish gabino, frank ocean, 5SOS.

tv and movie: outer banks, vampire diaries, the originals, gossip girl, harry potter, twilight, call my by your name, baby (netflix), jersey shore, love island, survivor, h2o.

people: sturniolo triplets (duh), madison beer, snooki, taylor swift, lana del rey, sam and colby, tara yummy, jake shane, sabrina carpenter, claire holt, madelyn cline.

[pulpfiction-cowqirl]

𝑶𝒌𝒂𝒚, 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝑶𝒖𝒕𝒍𝒂𝒘, 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒐𝒘𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒍𝒂𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅

la’nya | they/them | 22 | nov scorpio | african american | queer ace | intj-t | 5w4 sx/sp

✧ ˚ ༘ 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑠: active | on reblog

✧ ˚ ༘ 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑧𝑜𝑛𝑒: central time {US}

˚₊·❧ bts: tomorrows-rain

˚₊·❧ monster fucking: pookie-boo

˚₊·❧ From mgm/epix: kennycatchabreak

˚₊·❧ k-drama: 1-800-slapdathoe

˚₊·❧ og writing: pulpfiction-cowboi

𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒑 𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑰 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒗𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝑪 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒕

tri-type: 539 (5w4, 3w4, 9w1)

adventures: learning korean | learning spanish | learning crochet | getting back into drawing

fav color: yellow & purple

fav food: faygo crème soda, dr. pepper, root beer, angel food smoothie, soul food, chicken quesadillas w/ bean dip, orange chicken w/ white rice

fav genres: 90’s rap, Southern and West Coast rap, Horrorcore, Horror Game Ambient Sound, Kpop, KR&B, Memphis rap, Motown, Jazz, Funk

fav music: BTS | TXT | Red Velvet | SUMIN | Victoria Monet | NBA Youngboy | Kenny Mason | 36Mafia | j-hope | Jimin | Agust-D | Lucky Daye | Megan Thee Stallion

fav games: stardew valley | resident evil | fallout | far cry

fav US tv: the vampire diaries | buffy the vampire | from | farscape | angel | dexter | fargo | my babysitter’s a vampire | preacher | american horror story

fav cartoons: invader zim | ah monsters | billy and mandy | powerpuff girls | cow and chicken | catdog | secret squirrel | amazing world of gumball | making fiends | the proud family | courage the cowardly dog | adventure time | mystery incorporated | class of 3000 | el tigre | my life as a teenage robot | the snorks | pound puppies | my lil pony | carebears | tom&jerry | hong kong phoeey | top cat | the aquanauts

fav kdrama: mask girl | flowers of evil | all of us are dead | kingdom | tomorrow | twenty-five twenty-one | a time called you | squid game | behind your touch | move to heaven | under the queens umbrella | juvenile justice | vincenzo | the glory | the school nurse files | DP | bloodhounds | dr. cha | golden mask | the second husband | mr. plankton

fav anime: hunterxhunter | assassination classroom | demon slayer | one piece | bleach | ouran host club | death note | cowboy bepop | kurokos basketball | haikyuu | devils line | kagegurui | diabolik lovers | horimiya | toilet-bound hanako-kun

fav tdrama: girl from nowhere

fav cdrama: a use for my talent | meteor garden

fav jdrama: alice in boarderland | animals

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

A liveblog of a rewatch of my favorite lesbian film (Fucking Åmål)

Agnes having a "secret diary" on her computer it's so 90s.

"I am subtle about my crush on Elin" Meanwhile her diary:

It's so fucking funny how the first scene with Elin is her just POURING MILK OVER HER SISTER BECAUSE SHE DARED TO TAKE THE LAST OBOY (that's a chocolate drink) She's so impulsive and just says and does stuff all the time.

Everyone has known someone like Elin. And she was often the really annoying girl irl, but she's also just so young and naive and you can see there's just something else behind all of that.

Agnes' mom wanting her to have a party and AGNES DOESN'T WANT TOOOO AAAAUGGGHHH AND SHE DOES THIS BECAUSE OF HER MOM

Johan is so fucking awkward. He really tries to hit on Elin and she just disses him. Literally she doesn't want a ride and he's like "but you can carry the helmet if you want" HELP

NOT THE GIRAFFE NECK GIRL

Her name is Camilla but I call her giraffe neck girl because

Agnes... girl... stop doodling Elin's name you're not subtle

Victoria is so deeply afraid Agnes is gonna hit on her. Like. Agnes: So the french word for "bus"? Victoria: PUSS?! (this is the swedish word for "kiss") Agnes: ?? Agnes: Bus. Victoria: OH

Elin's lines in the cafeteria always cracks me up so much

Tfw you're grounded because you "accidentally had no pants on"

Listen like. I understand Agnes' mom, she just wants her daughter to have some friends. But she really does not understand her.

Oh no not the ableism... yikes

Agnes :((

Agnes litting up when she finds out Jessica and Elin have come over awwwwwwww

Not her mom giving them wine????

AGNES' COMPUTER IS ON AGNES HONEY GET A PASSWORD good thing Elin didn't see her diary cause.

Elin hearing the rumour about Agnes being a lesbian and her immediate thought is "Cool. I'm gonna be that too".

The 90s homophobia is strong, but some of these lines are so funny for no reason?? like?? Elin: What do I get if I kiss her? Jessica: AIDS, probably

Agnes' reaction to getting kissed by Elin isn't "omg I got kissed by my crush" it's shock, it's "what the fuck happened", and then when Elin and Jessica laugh and run away she just sits there. Not knowing how to feel. It's realistic.

Noooo Elin feeling so bad about it immediately and wanting to go back to apologize :(

Elin: *vomits* Johan: Fuck, you're so hot Elin:

Honestly same because who tf says this after you just have thrown up

Also how is this not a meme:

Fuck the self harm scene... aaaaaaaa I always forget it exists

Elin throwing rocks at the window :3

Ok I decided to translate my favorite exchange cause it's sooo

Tag your ship

Omg their talk about what they wanna be when they grow up <33

Elin: Do you think I am pretty enough to be a model?

Elin: Why are you so weird. Sorry for asking, but... you are weird. Agnes: You're weird, too. Elin: I want to be weird. Or... not weird, but I don't wanna be like everyone else. This exchange <33 They can be weird together

"It's just because you live in fucking Åmål" OOOOOOO

Elin is here with her dumb questions and Agnes is just

Let's go spontaneous trip to Stockholm woooooo

Imagine what would've happened if they actually went to Stockholm. THAT would have been a different movie.

AGNES GIVING HER A LITTLE KISS BEFORE GOING HOME

Not Jessica eating up all the chips because "otherwise their mom will wonder" and Elin is like "?? can't we be home without having eaten chips?"

ELIN MOANING IN HER SLEEP

Victoria is such a savage tbh.

"Good luck with Elin"

AAAAAAAAAAA JESSICA STOP BEING SO NOSY LET HER CALL HER!!

And Agnes will wonder why Elin isn't calling :( And Elin just WANTS to call but her nosy (but rightfully protective) sister is in the way :(

AND NOW ELIN HAS TO PRETEND SHE'S INTO JOHAN

Elin: Mom, I'm a lesbian Her mom: What?! Elin: Elin: Elin: Nah, I'm just joking

Not the random 30 second masturbation scene?? I mean this film has a very realistic portrayal of teenagers but. Well. At least it was just a zoom in on her eyes and not much else.

God living in a small town like these... everyone knows everyone...

NOT ELIN HANGING UP WHEN AGNES CALLS NOOOO her internalized homophobia :(

Agnes' dad sees so well that something is wrong and she can't tell himmmm

Elin: I wanna be a psychologist Jessica: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT

So I know Jessica is just looking out for her, they kind of only have each other, but also she needs to give her some fucking privacy

Jessica: You get everything you want Elin: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT I WANT? THE ANGST

Agnes' mom reading her diary AAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHYYYY

You know there's nothing to do in the small town when the teenagers play BINGO

Elin calling Johan from the OTHER ROOM to break up with him

Not the "you can't stand on an A-well because it means bad"

"No, I'm not feeling anything. No anal sex."

"I'm in love with someone else" AAAAAAA

THE CINEMATIC MIRROR WHEN AGNES HAS BEEN STARRING AT HER SCHOOL PHOTO ALL MOVIE AND NOW ELIN DOES THE SAME

Elin wanting to throw rocks at the window again and BREAKING THE WINDOW AND THE MUSIC JUST ABRUPTLY STOPS

TOILET CONFRONTATION LET'S GOOOO

Elin is so bad with words but god she tries... honey...

UGH and everyone outside banging on the door thinking she has a boy in there.

In this movie, no one comes out of the closet, they come out of the school restroom

"Ta da! Here is me, and this is my new girl! Could you move? We're gonna go and fuck!"

Wrote history!

"Fucking" means drinking oboy lmao

Elin just infodumping how she has too much chocolate powder in her milk

I really wonder what happens later. When they go back to school the next morning. When Agnes goes home to her mom who has read her diary. When Jessica finds out. But at the same time, it ends so sweetly. Right now it's only them and no one else.

This movie is really cheaply made. It's shot like it's some secret person recording these kids. It's awkward zooms and hectic cuts. But it also adds to the charm. It makes it feel... real. Like we're seeing them right now in these moments, not putting up an act.

Also, campy movies are the best movies :D

[lavendershowcase]

Pink Pony Club: LGBT books with pink covers (that was the whole criteria this month, starting chill)

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

It’s 1993 and Paul Polydoris tends bar at the only gay club in a university town thrumming with politics and partying. He studies queer theory, has a dyke best friend, makes zines, and is a flaneur with a rich dating life. But Paul’s also got a secret: he’s a shapeshifter. Oscillating wildly from Riot Grrrl to leather cub, Paul transforms his body and his gender at will as he crossed the country––a journey and adventure through the deep queer archives of struggle and pleasure.

Of note: 90s queer culture, debut novel, Lawlor received the Whiting award for this novel

Your Driver is Waiting by Priya Guns

Damani is tired. Her father just died on the job at a fast-food joint, and now she lives paycheck to paycheck in a basement, caring for her mom and driving for an app that is constantly cutting her take. The city is roiling in protests–everybody’s in solidarity with somebody–but while she keeps hearing that they’re fighting for change on behalf of people like her, she literally can’t afford to pay attention.     Then she gives a ride to Jolene (five stars, obviously). Jolene seems like she could be the perfect girlfriend–attentive, attractive, an ally–and their chemistry is off the charts. Jolene’s done the reading, she goes to every protest, and she says all the right things. So maybe Damani can look past the one thing that’s holding her back: she’s never dated anyone with money before, not to mention a white girl with money. But just as their romance intensifies and Damani finally lets her guard down, Jolene does something unforgivable, setting off an explosive chain of events.

Of note: satire, "gender-flipped Taxi Driver"

Gwen and Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher*

It’s been hundreds of years since King Arthur’s reign. His descendant, Arthur, a future Lord and general gadabout, has been betrothed to Gwendoline, the quick-witted, short-tempered princess of England, since birth. The only thing they can agree on is that they despise each other. They’re forced to spend the summer together at Camelot in the run up to their nuptials, and within 24 hours, Gwen has discovered Arthur kissing a boy and Arthur has gone digging for Gwen's childhood diary and found confessions about her crush on the kingdom's only lady knight, Bridget Leclair. Realizing they might make better allies than enemies, they make a reluctant pact to cover for each other, and as things heat up at the annual royal tournament, Gwen is swept off her feet by her knight and Arthur takes an interest in Gwen's royal brother.

Of note: YA, historical

*I personally recommend this book! There's interesting world building, playing with Arthurian legends. It's fun and tropey but not without genuinely emotional moments. And it's just such a good read. Bonus points for a character having an unnamed medical condition that shares symptoms with endometriosis.

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuinston

When his mother became President, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius―his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with the actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex-Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse. Heads of family, state, and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: staging a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instragramable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations and begs the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to be? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through?

Of note: adapted into a movie in 2023

We Were the Universe by Kimberly King Parsons

The trip was supposed to be fun. When Kit’s best friend gets dumped by his boyfriend, he begs her to ditch her family responsibilities for an idyllic weekend in the Montana mountains. They’ll soak in hot springs, then sneak a vape into a dive bar and drink too much, like old times. Instead, their getaway only reminds Kit of everything she’s lost lately: her wildness, her independence, and—most heartbreaking of all—her sister, Julie, who died a few years ago. When she returns home to the Dallas suburbs, Kit tries to settle in to her routine—long afternoons spent caring for her irrepressible daughter, going on therapist-advised dates with her concerned husband, and reluctantly taking her mother’s phone calls. But in the secret recesses of Kit’s mind, she’s reminiscing about the band she used to be in—and how they’d go out to the desert after shows and drop acid. She’s imagining an impossible threesome with her kid’s pretty gymnastics teacher and the cool playground mom. Keyed into everything that might distract from her surfacing pain, Kit spirals. As her already thin boundaries between reality and fantasy blur, she begins to wonder: Is Julie really gone?

Of note: considered "a most anticipated novel," released July 2024

[most-screwed-by-writers-tourney]

Also, potential list of the yandere characters under the read more!

1. Cutthroat from Akudama Drive

2. Belphegor (Obey Me)

3. Griffith (Berserk)

4. Mimimi, Hypnosis Mic

5. Zenos yae Galvus from Final Fantasy 14

6. Shion Sonozaki from Higurashi

7. Yandere-Chan from Carflo + co's Yandere High School Minecraft Roleplay series

8. Luo Binghe, Scum Villain’s Self Saving System

9. Monica Campanella, Baccano!

10. Creed, Black Cat

11. Seiko, Blood on the Tracks

12. Makima, Chainsaw Man

13. Mao, Code Geass

14. Mariko Shinobu, Dear Brother

15. Mika Harima, Durarara

16. Akito Sohma, Fruits Baskrt

17. Shigure Sohma, Fruits Basket

18. Yuno Gasai, Future Diary

19. Satou, Happy Sugar Life

20. Yukako Yamagishi, JJBA Diamond is Unbreakable

21. Himiko Toga, My Hero Academia

22. Haru, My Little Monster

23. Oz, Pandora Hearts

24. Kuroi, Thou Shalt Not Die

25. Seishirou, Tokyo Babylon

26. Kish, Tokyo Mew Mew

27. Asami, Audition

28. Lucille Sharpe, Crimson Peak

29. Alex Forrest, Fatal Attraction

30. Jareth, Labyrinth

31. Annie Wilkes, Misery

32. Evelyn Draper, Play Misty for Me

33. Charlie Stoker, Stoker

34. Nellie Lovett, Sweeney Todd

35. Victor Frankenstein, The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein

36. Frollo, Hunchback of Notre Dame

37. Erik, Phantom of the Opera

38. Fu Shenxing, Who is the Prey

39. Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights

40. Joe Goldberg, You

41. Missy, Doctor Who

42. Lestat, Interview with the Vampire

43. Kilgrave, Jessica Jones

44. Masato Kisaka, Kamen Rider 555

45. Siyun Baek, Dreaming Freedom

46. Tomoya/Sam, He’s Harmless I swear

47. Morae Baek, I don’t want this kind of hero

48. Lady, I don’t want this kind of hero

49. Yuta, Kubera

50. Thaddeus, Madame Outlaw

51. Yunsu, Trapped

52. JD, Heathers

53. Erik, Yeston and Kopit Phantom

54. Der Tod, Elisabeth

55. Callisto, Villains Are Destined to Die

56. Hannibal, Hannibal

57. Reinhart, I failed to oust the villain

58. Yul, Secret Alliance

59. Hananoi, A Condition Called Love

60. Naoka Ueno, A Silent Voice

61. Sumireko Hanabusa, Akuma no Riddle

62. Esdeath, Akame ga Kill

63. Dracula, Bram Stoker’s Dracula

64. Mashiro Mai, Dead Tube

65. Monika, Doki Doki Literature Club

66. Lucy, Elfen Lied

67. Juvia, Fairy Tail

68. Mimi. flip flappers

69. Akise Aru, Future Diary

70. Elena Aoki, Gleipnir

71. Hades, Hadestown

72. shuu iwamine, Hatoful Boyfriend

73. Luka, Alien Stage

74. LT. Oscar, Lupin the III, The Woman Called Fujiko Mine

75. Sumin Jeong, Marry My Husband

76. Reiko Ichijou, Migi and Dali

77. Diane Selwyn, Mulholland Drive

78. Harry MacDougall, Outlaw Star

79. Root, Person of Interest

80. Jackson Rippner, Red Eye

81. Kozue Kaoru, Revolutionary Girl Utena

82. Seyoung Jin, Surviving Romance

83. Sudou Kayo, Tailer of Enbizaka

84. Hayase, To Your Eternity

85. Tooru Mutsuki, Tokyo Ghoul RE

86. Kichimura Washuu, Tokyo Ghoul RE

87. The Creature, Lisa Frankenstein

88. Pig, Disco Pigs

89. Shinpei, Firefly Wedding

90. Aiko, Goodnight Punpun

91. Sal, Wadanonara

92. Jung, Cheese in the Trap

93. Khalid, From a knight to a lady

94. Margot, Gremoryland

95. Bibi, I love Amy

96. Kairos, I Shall Kill that Sweet Devil

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 1/5

Book Blurb:

From the author of the BookTok sensation Win Lose Kill Die, comes an explosive mystery about a teenager whose true-crime obsession hits a little too close to home when she begins receiving cryptic messages after moving into a new house. "Deliciously twisted fun!"—Karen M. McManus, #1 New York Times bestselling author of One of Us Is Lying

When true-Crime obsessed Paige, along with her family, move across the Atlantic to her father's eerie hometown, it's not long before she uncovers the town's dark history—a string of unsolved murders and disappearances in the 90s.

Soon after, notes start appearing at their home, about the secrets the old house is keeping. The clues lead Paige to a diary concealed in the walls that belonged to one of the missing girls.

Could this be the key to solving a quarter-of-a-century mystery...or will the diary make Paige the next target?

Review:

A mixture of true crime with The Watcher, the story follows a teen girl who moves into a new home only to find that it has a bloody past and that mysterious letters keep arriving for her. Paige loves true crime and has just moved from the UK to the US. She's moved into her father's creepy hometown with a dark bloody history, and in particular her own new house is connected to a string of unsolved murders and disappearances in the 90s. When she begins receiving creepy letters, Paige then finds a diary in the walls of her home that belonged to one of the missing girls... it could be the key to solving one of the unsolved mysteries or be the reason Paige becomes the next target. This book just felt a bit shallow to me, I wasn't at all hooked by the mystery and having actually seen and read so many other similar stories that used the "The Watcher" storyline it just kind of felt meh overall. I was hoping I would like this one but it just felt a bit too juvenile to me and while it was a miss for me I do think maybe other young adult readers will enjoy this mystery.

Release Date: September 24,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Random House Children's | Delacorte Press for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[notmuchtoconceal]

Verily, verily I say unto you! Laura Palmer is the image of the Feminine Messiah, for she is what we consume at our daily meal, wrapped section-by-section, genre-by-genre, a full-course luncheon in a box served up by an early-adopter auteur slumming it up in TV Land, for he believed in the good of public works and the joys of episodic narrative!

Look back now to the Image of Tina in A Nightmare on Elm Street, not only clawing bloodied and bitten-of-nail on the inside of her bodybag translucent as the mists of a high school shower. See her not only dragged down the halls by an unseen malevolence leaving a slime-trail of blood as she goes -- See her also in the Dreamland which was her prison and tomb standing shrouded as the Holy Virgin in Plastic, Deflowered though she was by her Hunky Tighty Whitey wearing Latino Greaser Boyfriend who too was to be found alone, strangled of his own volition.

See the continuity in these images, not only for how one may influence another, but how in each is a reflection of the time and place from which they arose. See the dead girls on the news in placid suburban 80's homes. See them now always for what they always were -- offerings to the Moloch of the Mainland, Our Homeland Hungering for the Blood of the Pure. See how the boogeyman was always a necessity of the loving patriarchs which your grief-stricken mother, intoxicated in isolation, barred the windows of your home to keep your father out. See your father the lawman hiding the crimes to which he knew he was entitled for the law was his and the courts always shows for the public. The letter of the law could not reflect the will of the people, for the people hunger for blood and the annals of our court are not a butcher's trough, though we may permit each tree within our garden a gallows!

The blonde girl. The Radiant Madonna. Who is she? In her name we see the laurel crown, the hands which reach and touch. As the heart is what mediates the two, and she is the heart of the town, the daughter of a respected lawyer for the local last tycoon, she was the most fecund portal through which to inject corruption. She is the Feminine Messiah for She is the Paradoxical Image of God in The Flesh.

In Laura's embrace of Stoic Wisdom, her acceptance of struggle, decision to withstand hardship and rejection of witchcraft, we see the font of her status as a glamor goddess is a masculinized mind which compromises neither its feminine allure nor immersion. From a young age, she is bombarded not only by repeated sexual and emotional abuse from a loved one, but continuous assault by the irrational and yet inarguable presence of supernatural forces. As with the first scene of Ash's sister Cheryl's possession in The Evil Dead, the unseen forces of darkness lurking always out of sight seize her hand against her will and use her own body as an instrument to intrude upon the pages of a meditative space where she may be alone with her thoughts.

The treasury of Missing Pieces from Fire Walk With Me are a particular boon to this subject, as the additional scenes featuring Laura and her mother shed warm rays of luminance on a relationship foundational to not only the heart, but the core tension of the series.

In a brief scene where Sarah, Laura's mother, is coming inside carrying groceries, three developments occur in rapid succession, which key the viewer in to the intimacy of these women's dynamic. Laura is harried, for she has just found pages ripped from the Secret Diary she had hidden, tipping her off that her secrets can no longer be safely kept in her own home. She is smoking a cigarette, as she was only moments before (in the main body of the text) living out an impromptu early-90's alterative hip-hop video as she comes home from school (as one does), which we soon find out is despite her mother's protests. (The smoking, not living in a improvisational music video. No matter what timeline you're in, you can't take the 90's out of a 90's girl even if it's still the 80's.) Yet also despite her protests, her mother will hold her cigarette for her as Laura in turn takes the groceries. Laura needs to ask her mother to borrow the car (fortuitous, I'm only now realizing, as she had just gotten home) for she is still only a high school girl, but first -- she must withstand another bout of lecturing from her mother where she insists she will never be a smoker if she never starts smoking. We can see in this briefly that Sarah is instilling in Laura a purity ethic where a corrupted-identity is based on an initiation ("being a smoker", "starting smoking") -- the definitive feature of idol worship, which Sarah is sadly living out half-consciously, as her own husband is drugging her with milk. The milk which she seems inevitably to accept, making her go into the white dissociative horsey dreams. As a final comic touch, once Sarah agrees, Laura runs out the door, leaving her cigarette in her mother's hands, which she needs to then run back in and grab to eye-rolling maternal exasperation.

This connects to a later scene which elaborates upon a vital point of ambiguity in the main body of the film -- an ambiguity which reads as such for it is not immediately parsible, for it is irrational.

Laura ascends to the local Roadhouse to once more prostitute her underaged body for the coke money she so desperately needs to fuel her lifestyle of endless social charity and drug-fueled bisexual intrigues. Her childhood best friend, Donna Hayward, played by a different actress in the film than in the series (perhaps embodying Laura's projections of her own naivety onto the cuter, smaller, mousier new girl) follows her. She is not only curious about her best friend's distance, her twoness, but she is aware of how Laura sees her. Donna is dating one of the two Local Mikes, the Earthly Dumb Jock, who proudly boasts from his convertible in his letterman jacket with her drug-dealer leather bro by his side that HE. IS. THE. MAN. This Donna will, in the same breath, wonder aloud if her football player boyfriend could ever write her a poem, then scandalously whisper to Laura about ... the mere possibility ... of having sex. Holy shit. This bitch was having threesomes in public when she was twelve. Girl, you know not what little you know. Oh my god. You are not yet ready to steal this woman's second boyfriend and develop main character syndrome as you shout on her grave in the dead of night. Right now, you are gonna do some weird needy insecure shit and it's gonna be fun.

(My little brother is a hardcore Donna stan and I know not ever why.)

As we have said, Donna follows Laura to her nightside prostitution meetup, which prompts Laura to react with barely-disguised dismay equal parts shock contempt and expectance. This Donna ... is gonna get fucking good at playing Laura's games. This Donna ... is gonna slut it up. This Donna ain't no fuckin prude. This Donna has cute lil perky tits and she's gonna whip em out! You ever see that other Donna's tits? Nuh-uh, bitch. TV standards. No full-frontal female. See em on the big screen, motherfucker. Bathed in hot pink electro-grunge hate-fucking your ears! I am a Goddess! I am the Concubine! I am the Queen of Whores! Ow. Don't cry from that one shot you took. That was real spicy. I'm such a good girl this is hard for me. I'm not gonna let it show, though. Do I have to be at church in the morning? Am I out whoring on a schoolday? What happened to my lesbian sister who writes poetry? How can Laura be best girl and biggest slut, how is that possible, what am I missing?

Once more you may see as it is revealed -- as Donna approaches the table at which Laura is seated with her two bucks, one asks if she is included in "the deal" -- to which Laura objects, which Donna insists on including herself, sealing it with the shot she takes from her mark.

Donna is self-initiating into the cult of ritual prostitution by means of libation that she may enter into sympathetic resonance with Laura. Laura, though she may seem to dismay it, is protective of Donna's innocence, and doesn't wish to see her corrupted. Though Laura may appear beautiful and bright and alive, inside she is consumed by darkness and fears being close to anyone, fears that her influence on anyone might be corrosive, and yet -- she's missing Meals on Wheels deliveries and unable to give excuses, although -- nobody wonders why despite the fact there's nobody there. There's nobody there, but maybe the two of us can sneak off later and snuggle in my truck while we listen to non-diegetic music over the radio and reflect on the beauty and tragedy of the night.

Furthermore, the Missing Pieces make clear the crossing of an additional boundary -- namely that the girls literally cross northward into the territory of Canada to engage in their Pink Room Prostitution Cube. The abrupt cut in the feature film, on first impression -- may lead one to believe the Pink Room is an extension spatially, literally ... (a backroom) as well as metaphysically and thematically ... of the Roadhouse, rather than another place, called The Power and the Glory some many miles away.

It is in this scene where Donna loses herself to her latent passions, caressing herself as a boa in the sweater which Laura had discarded as she disrobed, she sees then her old coworker, Ronette Pulaski (named for the park by my house, by which I mean not the French Jesuit Missionary, but the street not named for him) emerge from the pink fog of time, the mirror image of what Donna might become: the two reflect upon their past experiences in the brothel where they worked, recruited through the perfume counter at Laura's dad's lifetime friend and business partner's department store high school grooming and sex trafficking ring.

It is important to understand that consensual sex work performed voluntarily by an adult woman (or man or anyone else for that matter) who understands the risks they're accepting, as they would accept with any choice of occupation, is quite different from a situation where a girl is coerced, both overtly and subtly, into acting against her own self-interest by playing into what seems inevitable pre-scripted scenes by invisibly abusive authorities with loving faces. Laura may enjoy sex, and sex is empowering, but this is occurring from a place of deep hurt. Laura has been repeatedly humiliated, repeatedly disempowered, repeatedly had her body turned into a source of shame, that her ability to connect and be vulnerable with other men has been compromised. Truthfully, Laura enjoys humiliating men through sex. Laura loves the power she has over them. Laura enjoys that she can coerce, bully and intimidate adult men who know they're raping her, because at least these fuckers aren't her own father. Remember when Bobby breaks down crying with Laura in his arms, realizing she's only using him for cocaine, and he just gives it to her anyway cause he wants her to be happy? He just knows that she's in pain and he can't really help and he needs her, and it's fine. She needs these drugs. Maybe she needs these drugs. You can't get her off drugs. What can you do for her? What can anyone do for her? Nobody appreciated how Bobby was a good man all along but his own dad and nobody can understand that because nobody has a time-traveling airforce superdad who can hypnotize you in a diner with the best possible version of yourself he glimpsed in his Project Bluebook heaven research because an actual Good Christian Man might as well be sci-fi!

Oh my god, bro.

It just now occurs to me that I am literally recapping a soap opera to explain the gospel. The cute Polish pup with the muscly veins and roid acne was right, you are obnoxiously American! Well, it's important to remember that if cute little German boys didn't love American melodrama, we wouldn't have the great works of RW Fassbinder.

I win and this is an effective hybridization of film criticism and spirituality which rightfully makes actual Christians look like aesthetically and intellectually stunted-dweebs formaldehyded into guppies by doctrine!

My page is so much fun, you will not see this shit elsewhere. Never forget how special you are to me for appreciating my words, brothers.

Laura, you see, understands the nature of discreet energetic resonance.

Laura knows that the essentialized state which underlies fetishism is not simply sympathetic psychological association, nor strictly a consequence of molecular chemistry. While Laura would agree that, yes (for Laura is keen-eyed and scientifically-minded, yet nevertheless -- is not blind to subtler forces at work in the world around her) that if your cute lil queer boy ass wanted to lick an alpha man's armpits cause it tastes real woody and salty almost like a saltwater toffee, but a bit more mulchy and mushroomy, like -- yeah, there'd deffo be a molecular component, for you would be inhaling his pheromones direct and they would be seeping into your tongue creating fast-acting pathways straight to your brain, and yeah -- your direct proximity to a hunky alpha man's muscular triceps and biceps and big meaty pecs would cement the paraphilic association, acting as both a trigger and deepening a visual impression around which your mind would naturally mold itself, allowing your body to follow -- all of that is true. She would probably agree in 2023 Twin Peaks reboot timeline where she's watching gay tumblr porn prolly cause she finds it lolzy and how gay are Mike and Bobby, actually? At least as gay as Donna is for me, right? Am I ready to speak publicly about how gay I suspect Donna is for me? She's basically a little sister. I can't believe she grows up to be the bad guy in Men in Black 2 before fully morphing into Pete Burns. Holy shit. Maybe I am a mean bitch. Why the fuck do I wanna come for Donna so bad? I just feel she brings it on herself?

All that aside, Laura understands the essentialized state transferred by a fetishistic object is primarily energetic. That is, as everything is vibrational, one might say that a shirt worn by a person, or their underwear, vibrates at the same frequency as that person, coming to -- in time -- carry subtle traces of that person, for the very fibers of the garment could be said to have been energetically infused via the pitch or the sound at which the individual's spirit resonates or sings, and things such as smell, while real -- are themselves closer to self-induced inductions where we recall distant days and so surrender ourselves -- making ourselves blank to receive the song we'll never hear.

Laura wears her mother's clothes. In another deleted scene, Sarah chastises Laura for taking one of her sweaters, then not only not returning it, but leaving it balled up on the floor of her closet. Later, Sarah wonders if Laura took her sweater again, for she'd spent all afternoon looking for it, only for Laura to then say rather pointedly "Mom. What are you wearing?" Prompting Sarah to glance down, and slip into a fount of weeping, to which Laura slowly and tenderly approaches.

We understand. Sarah has some demons in her. Sarah sees the visions of the white horse. That wasn't explained for a long time, and even now that it has been, it's still not something which is readily sensible to the casual majority of viewers. The explanation is given, but the intellect refuses it, for it confounds the intellect's neat and tidy categorical schematizations. The white horse is frustrating for it is both obscure and obvious. The readily material explanation is drugs, slang, things one step removed from immediate reality. You can have Abe Lincoln descend from the Sky in Blackface and Crush People's Brains Open before Reciting In Slant Rhyme the Answer All Along to Mock to Your Face Your Conscious, Logical, Route Memorization Sensibilities, but in truth, the image is less paradoxical than a depiction of a current and emerging unity.

Sarah's memory maybe isn't all there. Sarah's had her mind played with. Sarah's been on some shit. How much has Sarah been playing along all along? How much does it only look that way, for she doesn't see?

How much does she always allow?

Mom. What are you wearing?

Mom, are you wearing Sarah?

Laura takes off her face.

Laura is filled with Light.

Saraha takes off her face.

Sarah is filled with Darkness.

Sarah has Laura's smile.

Sarah has a swollen spirit finger.

What would it mean for her -- to know the man she loved, wasn't only cheating on her, not only abusing her daughter, but both in a single act which violated the very underpinnings of both their marriage and their family; to feel she had brought this on herself, by selecting this man, by... not being enough ... by breeding a whore ... why would this happen?

Did you sit there after the reveal of Laura's killer and see this woman standing upright, eyes-alert at her husband's funeral, vowing to be awake, vowing to be present, vowing to remember and to live?

Do you remember how she was then written out of the show forever? How nobody cared? Nobody wanted to look at her? Nobody wanted to think about what happened? Everybody wanted to immediately forget. Nobody wanted to admit that it was happening. Bobby cried out at Laura's funeral that they collectively killer her by ignoring what was obvious and nobody said anything. Bobby was right all along. Bobby was never the real asshole. Bobby was maybe one of the only people who really loved her almost selflessly despite being an infantile douchebag who got secondhand raped by his shrink, who -- oh yeah. Was a jealous older man pining away listlessly and leeringly for underage Laura's hot and heavy secret trauma, who wanted to fuck with Bobby for being a badboy hot jock with powerful latent telepathic abilities, the likes of which his false-gold Mercurial debt-scheme which miraculously works only on cyclopean state champ wresler kooks with amazing pussy control could never hope to dream, let alone conceptualize in false 3D.

Mike the Man grew up to be an insurance agent because of course he did.

Remember how Sarah only came back in at the last minute to deliver a message from the realm of chthonian spiritual trial, reduced and elevated to a cameo, being both chorus and iteral messenger of a hidden devil?

Fuckin sucks for her, am I right? Prolly made her a lil loopy while it was happening, then -- once everyone she thought was a friend or family ignores her cause now she's nothing but a walking reminder, invisibly reduced to a pariah in her own life, it's like she does nothing but sits and festers in a wound of her own making which will never heal.

Damn.

She sat in that house. Where it happened. For 25 years.

In front of the television.

While nobody talked about it.

You know, I've always just really liked Grace Zabriskie. I was sad when she was murdered in Child's Play 2. This is the only thing by David Lynch she's in where she's not already alarming and insidious. Wild at Heart. Disabled Vampyre Ritual Mexican Sex Assassin. Inland Empire. Your 6th grade history teacher harboring an omen of immanent death before using her witch powers to rearrange time. The Return. Literally Queen of Darkness. There she is, folks. The Mother of Evil.

Here in the pilot, she is simply a primal wail of despair which induces some to laughter simply for its intensity disturbs their peace of mind and they must laugh to hold their fragile rational framework together.

(You may attempt to prove me wrong if it would please you.)

Therefore we understand. Whatever is in Sarah is in Laura and whatever is in Laura is in Sarah. They're, now you sense, energetically tethered -- not only cut from the same cloth, for her flesh was stitched of her loom, but if their strings were plucked, they would produce pleasing sounds of a similar timber, and none could confirm this better than Leland Palmer, father, husband and brother, who has readily plucked them both!

You understand now fully -- why, for Laura, at the Pink Room called The Power and the Glory, to see Donna as the image of Ronette, a prostitute saved only at the last moment by providence, that she may open the door to beckon Laura's protective spirit -- why to see Donna wearing Laura's sweater would incense her as to leap to Donna's rescue and cease all further consumption of libation and ritual sex. Laura remembers who she is, and what she values. She doesn't want Donna to be like her. She doesn't want Donna to do what she inevitably does -- investigate her double, triple, quintuple life, adopt her manner and her attitudes, seduce naive doofy biker idiots and cute agoraphobic nerds who are so sheltered and fragile they will suicide at the first sign of betrayal.

She doesn't want her stable family life to fall apart when she discovers that she-bitch Audrey Horne is her sister, holy shit. It was so obvious. If Donna had any charisma she'd be Audrey, who is too feisty and independent which is why her own father never tried to rape her!

Why would her own father try to rape her? Her father has a healthy and trusting creative-personal-business relationship with his brother. Her father lacks the core loneliness to make him that kind of monster. Neither Donna nor Audrey understand men, which is why they're not Laura. Laura understanding men makes her Best Girl. The fact that her own father never tried to rape her made Audrey feel so weirdly inadequate -- much like Donna -- that she has to do mentally ill things like hide naked in Hunky FBI men's bedrooms before dishing out her daddy issues.

God. Thank God our old pal Coop's semi-autonomous AI demon-half shot a corruption load in her so she had a raise a hellspawn, marry her accountant, then go insane wishing she was still young and pretty!

Joshy Fuck Me. That's what I say instead of Jesus fuck now!

I was gonna keep this G-rated for language, but holy shit!

This shit's got as much rape and incest as an actual bible story, I'm just gonna assume you're all adults and have the psychological resilience to handle a dirty word or two, ooooh. What if I post a middle-finger pic? Like and reblog telling me if you would swoon or drenche yer knickers.

Rather tellingly, all Leland can see as he arrives up to pick up Laura for breakfast -- is this same fear of Laura herself. He sees Laura seated beside Donna on the couch, and remembers the day he was almost the John to his own underage prostitute daughter, arranged via their mutual connection, Theresa Banks, his earlier kill in Deer Meadow one year prior.

God, imagine how that must feel for the poor guy!

Ya fuck your own daughter's brains out in a drug-induced demonic trance, thinkin she'll have the common sense to be trauma bonded ta ya for life, but nooooooo. She wants to be out here like that totally scary and unfuckable little Audrey bitch threatening to cut off daddy's tiny peepee with her intimidating precocious little scientific intellect. Girls are scary! If they're not dumb, they're gonna notice how dumb we are first! We need to destroy their capacity to think and feel with our dicks! This is the right way of the land, for it is the right of the conqueror, the female being fecund and plenty as the soil and just as fit to trod upon.

I love America! It's real fun to pollute and rape!

I mean I absolutely believe Dolores seduced Humbert, let's not kid ourselves. Humbert Humbert may have had a silver tongue, but he was not leading man material, folks. Humbert Humbert wishes he was James Mason, but Kubrick's film of Lolita is a perverse Wonderland full-immersion in the psychopathic ideations of a pedophile verging on a pederast for Humbert is so fucking hipster and selective of his vintage, he will only rape little girls in these precise specific age ranges, holy shit.

You are the most autistic and socially inept sex monster! I really believe all the women you meet are throwing themselves at you and Peter Sellers is the neurotic spazz radio man of a thousand voices. Kubrick's film is an irony which requires a level of psychological detachment which verges on psychopathic. It's more-than-less a feature-length 4chan joke, and I understand nobody will understand or appreciate it as a sterling treatise on irony as insurmountable as I do and I accept and appreciate this. Dolly can absolutely be aware of the sexual power she can wield over an infantile adult male, and it can still be illegal, immoral and that man's fault when he succumbs to his emotional weakness and rapes a child.

Joshy fuck me. Uncomfortable people leap to stupid fucking conclusions cause they're basically animals! People who are uncomfortable talking about raping children prolly wanna rape children, there I said it. I have only ever wanted to rape powerful and virile athletic men of an appropriate age and ferment, for I am a conqueror, a king, an alpha.

Well, you see -- Laura couldn't protect Donna, same as nobody could save Laura. In the end, Laura was the only one who could save herself.

Laura gave her body, to protect her Soul. When she places the Jade ring around her finger and weds herself to the Spiritual Mike, the Shoe Salesman and One-Armed Man Whose severed Autonomous Limb became First a Dwarf, then an Axxonal Bubblegum Tree, she was Free of Bob's Influence, and so ... Bob no longer able to farm her, was compelled by obligation to his former master to reap and immediately harvest her.

To put this in an economical sense more readily graspable for earthly carnivores, when Laura put on the ring, she allowed herself to be claimed by Mike, thus becoming His Property. BOB -- the spirit inside Leland -- once being Mike's familiar, now a runaway, was compelled by his very nature to kill this girl who had given herself to his master. As BOB had sought her out, slow-cooked her, flavored her, BOB saw Laura as his and wanted to enjoy her for a long, long time. When Laura gave herself to Mike, BOB was himself forced to sell now, and trade a good long steady drip for an immediate short-term gorging, most of which he then needed to immediately discharge submissively at the feet of his master.

For Laura had wedded herself to a demon, her soul was placed in the Black Lodge. Yet, Laura did not wed herself to a demon for any desire for earthly power or authority, but for it was a way to minimize malign influence. Laura's spiritual wedding was simple, practical harm-reduction. If BOB had corrupted Laura and entered her body, BOB could use her connections to every artery of the town to spread this influence everywhere. Laura "chose to let herself be killed" because this was in line with her dominant value of protecting the innocence she lost.

Look at Deer Meadow, the setting of the prologue to the film. See how little life means there. See how its evident nature as a stained and distorted reflection of the eponymous town was clear even before the doppelganger motif took stage as primary thematic preoccupation. Remember how nobody knew Theresa. Nobody came forward to claim the body. She was a drifter, a statistic, no family. Totally forgotten.

See how it was the love of real people who tried, who stepped forward, who had a desire to connect, and to care, and serve, despite the fears, the follies, the secrets and entanglements of other people in a vanishing tribal structure and way of life we do not and may not ever understand.

See how anyway, they never spoke.

For a time, they did.

Then all was inevitably forgotten.

See how it was through the laws of cause and effect; the accumulation and deterioration of karma as a debt, that Laura self-actualizes by taking control of her life by taking control of her death, that she breaks the cycle of violence and is so uplifted into Grace and Reverence.

See how the angel which came as she sat splendid and curled in the velvets of the Red Room was of her own making, as the one which appeared to open the door of the car for Ronette was of her own making, the lights splendid and alive as if hung ourselves on our own tree!

Tell yourself, brothers, as our sisters our able. That we deserve to be forgiven. That others will forgive us when we forgive ourselves. Any crime which may be mended may be done as such when we approach one another with a firm grasp of truth in an open heart. We were not born to be corrupted. We are not lowly and bestial. We are not the pawns of the powers that be, nor fated to sell ourselves half-willingly into slavery. If it is in a market that we must we live, we may set our value with those of so little they would design to ever think to put one on a human life.

Of this now, and at this time, I have said enough.

On another day, I will return to the ways in which our leading man and hero, chipper and chivalrous knight of the FBI -- boyscout in black tie --- who is easily able to clear the low bar of taking a high school girl crush out for ice cream and a pep talk instead of feeling her up, he already being telepathic enough to know a girl'd be murdered here a year ago, instead of, like ... y'know... fondling her prone naked body -- I will return to the ways in which he complements and contrasts the enigmas of our heroine, he being, by means of his multiplicity, quite an enigma himself.