#the second one is just a few moments
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we'll grow out of it, surely
#edward nashton#fanart#doodles#au enseñanza media#i apologize for my handwriting#i think joker would write like i do#the first one i did bc i love those relationship charts they do in manga sometimes#i had trouble bc i underestimated the space id need lol#the second one is just a few moments#i like thinking that ed easily fights with jon but has trouble fighting the other two#he puts bruce too much on a pedestal and joker is his first friend#so he sees jon enough as his equal to be able to bicker and nag him#the third one is because in my head the only one who has virgin hair is ed#bruce and jon are box-dyed and joker has his lovely green toxic sludge hair#so i drew the first time ed asked them to dye his hair#theyre in bruce's bathroom#and they gave ed a cool forest green streak#and i imagine theyre sticking out their tongues bc they saw bruce do it involuntarily and wanted to make fun of him#jon started it#i dont have any more sketches for this au right now#if i ever make more i'll slowly post them instead of grouping a bunch together like this#thank you for making it this far¡¡ have a wonderful day¡¡<3
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the black lake🫶
#love thinking of them just spending sweet moments like this🥹#ok so these were super fast#but the second one especially…like two minute scribble bahahahahahaha#I just had a few more min before sun set after the first and I wanted a continuation😇#Im just pretty exhausted and have no mental energy left bc I did my first tattoo today#and in true myokk style…I was too ambitious and it ended up taking me almost 4 hours🫠🫠🫠#(like it worked out in the end and looked amazing but at the same time WHY DIDNT I DO SOMETHING SIMPLE😤)#tomorrow I’ll work on some more paintings tho bc the eloise one was really fun🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#and like I said I have a BAJILLION IDEAS !!!!!!!!!!#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#hogwarts legacy sebastian#sebastian sallow x mc
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Read Right to Left (Manga Format)
I have returned to watching demon slayer after a year and it came up while I was having a serious late night talk with my big sister. I was talking about the relationship between Michikatsu/Kokushibo and Yoriichi and it turns out we both see each other in Yoriichi's shoes and ourselves in Michikatsu's place. Definitely surprising, but really relieving to know that we both worry too much and we are not so far apart in skill as we believe.
This is technically the first piece of fanart I've ever made for the characters in Demon Slayer, I have made OCs before but I never drew an actual character from the story. For context this is mostly just a fun "what if" scenario with them meeting in the afterlife. I like to think Yoriichi's love would reawaken Michikatsu's humanity.
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#yoriichi tsugikuni#michikatsu tsugikuni#demon slayer fanart#kimetsu fanart#kny fanart#fan comic#very much unserious note: I misread something on the wiki to my sister as Koku offing himself because he regenerated too ugly 💀#and now me and my sister have “Kokushibo moment” to denote a scenario in which we become so absolutely pathetic that we just cannot go on#Mine is if I'm still making submas content at 60 years old#Hers is me thinking she's currently having her Kokushibo moment#definitely lightened the mood and we were laughing for like 5 minutes straight#anyways Yoriichi and Michikatsu (mostly Michi) are my faves from this story because I can feel for them more than I do other characters#Also that thing in the beginning is meant to be a hitodama!! I wanted Michi to land next to Yoriichi but when I tried the shooting star ide#it did not work 💀 anyways that little wisp reforms into Kokushibo's monstrous form‚ which Yoriichi shreds apart in seconds#for the people looking for my usual submas content‚ I actually had an idea to draw them debating which twin to cosplay a few months back#Ingo said Emmet should be Yoriiichi cause he's the younger one‚ Emmet said Ingo should be Yoriichi cause he's cooler (read: better liked)#This took about 5 hours elapsed time‚ I stopped halfway through the last panel for a 6 hour nap#Also the purple just denotes which sections is close to the demonic parts‚ kinda like lighting but not quite
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lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.
save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS POST SHIT THIRTY SECONDS AFTER IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!#for god's sake we have MONTHS of lore and bangers ok???#i still have a mental image of an art i wish i could make from BOBBY'S NIGHTMARE#HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR M O N T H S and you bet your ass if i can make it I WILL BE POSTING IT#SO. MUCH. SHIT. HAS. HAPPENED. who cares if it was months ago!!!!!!#it's ok to be a few days late!!! it's ok to be a few months late!!!!! don't tell me sorry for feeding me!!!!!!#part of me still lives in I'M NOT HOLDING A FUCKING FUNERAL CHAT#part of me still lives in maxo's final song for his son!!!!#part of me still lives in the day we thought ramón was gone for good#part of me still lives in cellbit sprinting to his son only to be ripped away back to the feds just as richas turns to write a sign#part of me still lives in the flooding of the copacabana ocean#THESE ARE BANGERS. REMEMBER WHEN FIT FOUND PAC E MIKE IN PRISON. BANGER.#oh dear new work expanding on a canon moment i super liked that happened months ago how late smh SAID NO ONE EVER#TWO CAKES!!!!! TWO CAKES MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! WE LOVE PASTRIES DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT#COME ON Y'ALL. METAPHORICAL KISSES. LOVE YOU. HAVE A GOOD WEEK.#long tags
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Don't be too hard on yourself
#mx7net#atzsource#monstaxedits#ateezedit#ateez#monsta x#i.m#hongjoong#lucieblr#forfreddy#kpopccc#kflops#nugudomedit#malegroupsnet#dailybg#ultkpopnetwork#teresgifs#ok listen the gifs migh be incoerent a little and you're right#and so are the subs#tbf I used the official ones for the translation but I made some corrections grammatically speaking#but still this part of the interview made me so soft and emotional on a whole level#can't believe that changkyun is acting more as a father figure to him in these few seconds#instead of his actual mentor 😭#i wonder if he said something more to him...more advices some relief even#gosh i wish he's remembering these words especially rn#sigh...I wished Changkyun would have been his mentor rn instead of that mf I'n nit kidding#yes it's my mbb side talking rn foremost but also me who will never forget this moment bowt#*now#ok enough talking#i don't think anyone will read this tags anyway just wanted to put two cents here about how I felt
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"Drive safely."
LAWS OF ATTRACTION (2023)
#laws of attraction#laws of attraction the series#charntinn#tinncharn#jamfilm#film thanapat#jam rachata#mine*#loaedit#bledit#the way tinn visibly works up the courage to say something and then immediately back tracks#how despite charn having been flirting with him since the first second and they had a genuine Moment but a few hours ago at most#he is still such a school boy with a crush trying to play it cool when he is the one taking initiative#and god how delighted and fully charmed charn is by him and his awkwardness#and the endless lingering stares as tinn moves to go when he actually really doesn't want to go#im so obsessed with everything about them#theres absolutely no reason for this gifset ot be this long but i just really love all their nuances here#especially tinns bc we've seen so little of it around charn until this episode but look at his little face!!#give him a reason to stay charn!!
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A selection of pages from a Bun Go Barr schoolbook - aimed at kids around 10-12 - that has reference pages on verbs, weather, numbers, seasons, possessives, questions and basic sentence structure.
Please note that in Ireland spring begins on February 1st (St. Brigid’s Day) which means our seasons are slightly different to everywhere else. Spring is February, March and April. Summer is May, June and July. Autumn is August, September and October. Winter is November, December and January.
#we did that rap in the first photo so many times it’s one of the few things I can recite off by heart#(complete with loud fake snore at the end much to our teacher’s dismay)#this is my second attempt to post this because the first one got eaten by tumblr#not entirely tumblr’s fault I did try to post it while on the tube and the internet disappeared at just the wrong moment#my own post#staidear#irish#gaeilge#learning irish#Irish language#gaelblr
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Yearly redraw number 9!!!!!
[Image ID: A digital painting of a girl resting on a ledge. She strikes a casual pose, popping a bubblegum bubble and scratching the back of her head. She's dressed in a 2010s-skater-grunge sort of style with a pair of high waisted jorts, denim vans, mismatched slouchy socks, a black tank top, and a ratty, splatter-painted overshirt that says "PUKE" in bold block letters. In the foreground beside her, a skateboard with the same splatter-paint design, and mismatched wheels matching her socks, is propped against the wall. It's covered in stickers, including some cats, a lesbian flag, and a bumper sticker that says "defund the M****rfuckers" with asterisks. The background is a placid suburban scene in watercolor style, with trees casting dappled shadows over the foreground. The sun is low in the sky, as though it were both early morning and late afternoon at the same time. Her large yellow headphones and pink gum bubble create a visual link between her and the wheels of her skateboard, as though the skateboard were a part of her. END ID]
#yearly redraw#dairydraws#character design#character art#skater girl#skater aesthetic#i really tried this year to make her look like part of an environment#every year i do this and it does kinda just feel like she's propped against a flat backdrop#this one i really wanted levels of depth to the scene#i also used a perspective guide this year! yippeeeeee!!!!!#i had to redo her pose a few times#i was trying to thread the line between kind of like a staged hot girl pinup photo and like#a candid incidental look into a quiet moment where she happened to be sitting like that#i realized that breaking the unwavering eye contact she's had with the viewer for the past 8 years helped with capturing that second vibe#i fucked up with the shadows a bit because there's definitely kind of an illusion that she's floating above the wall instead of sitting on#but i really like how i placed everything in the frame this year. maybe not the house but like all of the main focal objects feel nice#last year i told myself i wanted to go more abstract with it next time and then this year i was like. nah#im sick of cartoons. time to give a shit about anatomy#and then i still kinda gave her a broken neck anyways. ahh whatever#i also gave her a sunburn!!!! to make it seem like she's been outside all summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#paintings
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#for context. a few weeks back i was playing on a fast respawn 2fort server#mostly because i just wanted to just. hang out somewhere without any real serious gameplay happening#that said. for the first few hours i was playing on there. was mostly playing gunslinger engineer and detonator pyro#and we had a good push up into their base but were stuck just at the entrance. with a heavy hold from the enemy team#but after a while. i just kinda got bored and wanted to just fuck about with the taunts and loadouts i had#first thing i did was play pyro and do the cheers taunt before getting on my bike and swerving a bunch as i drove#but i dont think anyone could tell thats what i was doing#so after a bit i just changed to scout. and started just riding my skateboard#(i also did the drinking and riding bit a few times but i eventually just ended up skateboarding around)#(one bit being me on the top of the bridge. doing the cheers taunt. getting on my board. and then skating off the bridge and killbinding)#so at some point. i kept getting stuck in place for some reason. like speficially on bumpy ground or... in the air#and the moment i got stuck in the air (for 30+ seconds mind you) i was just like ''my quantum board technique''#and from there. i just acted as if i was playing the newest Pro Skater game#saying stuff like ''i have to do manual ollie combo for 150000000 points''#or like ''i have to find grindrails on this level''#eventually found my way into the sewers and said something like ''IVE FOUND THE HALF PIPES''#before saying like ''man they really screwed up the physics since the last game''#a soldier on the other team was trying to find me the whole time saying ''wheres tony hawk''#specifically because he had a tony hawk avatar. and i only realized after he said something about it#anyway. after all that i skateboarded into a minisentry and died#and my last message was supposed to be ''my combo has ended'' but i ended up typing 'bombo'#and it made me laugh SO hard i couldnt backspace. and added on with ''my sweet bombo''#and then i left because i had nothing more to do there. my bombo had ended and i had to move on.
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"Aaron, when you almost fell on the ice with the Stanley Cup—" "Oh, Jesus..." "It's s—o stupid..." "—I mean. Yo, and it would've been okay, man! Like, you know what? You'd be like, 'Oh! He's one of us!' you know? Did you catch yourself? Did you feel yourself slipping a little bit? I think it's kind-of heavy, right?" "My theory is: that I stepped on, like—one of those confettis, maybe? That fall from the sky. That's my theory. 'Cuz it was just a little slide then I turn and I was fine. Did you see Barky almost fell on the TV camera cord as well? Did you see that?" "Oh, shit." "Yeah, there's so much stuff on the ice..." "It was right after he took it from Gary [Bettman] and he put it up and he—Well, I mean he didn't fall. He didn't come anywhere close to falling 'cuz he's Jesus on the ice... on those edges he's incredible..."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
nothing delights me more than ekky getting ribbed for being clumsy and instead of just taking it he has to drag sasha down with him XD like oh? i almost fell WELL DID YOU SEE BARKY—girl PIPE DOWN THIS IS ABOUT YOU BABY. BARKY AINT GOT NOTHIN TO DO WITH THIS.
every angle (x)(x) of the almost ekky spill is so funny man and i love to embarrass this man SO FOR THE FOLKS AT HOME ROLL THE CLIP
i think its soooo funny when he says my theory is the confetti sabotaged me 🤓👌 because if you look at the footage
GIRL WHERE. just admit your ankle got weirdly bendy and screeched in after a hard game it happens to the best of us man
also him throwing sasha under the bus especially because i was like huh? sasha almost tripped over a cord? i definitely wouldve noticed that TRUST ME so i looked at the footage to see what he was talking about....
"did you see barky almost fell on the tv camera cord?" (x)
"did you see that?" yeah. did you. did you see the way he didnt not even move at all when he went past it yeah YEAH (x)
me when i lie and want an excuse to not be the only guy thrown under the bus so i bring up a completely nonconsequential annecdote so i can change the narrative of being the only clumsy guy on the ice despite the fact i very much am, and other such things
"hes jesus on the ice" and other normal things to say about your captain while you smile sweetly and reminisce upon him and his amazing skating abilities
#aaron ekblad#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#i love confronting ekky with his most embarrassing moments#and i think being one of the only guys to almost eat shit with the cup is SO EMBARRASSING#but baby couldnt handle being the only guy to get teased about it he has to involve sasha LMAOOOO#but also him quickly admitting sasha didnt fall at all too#FOLDED SO QUICK HUH#COULDNT EVEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS WHEN YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND LONGER HUH#the lady doth protests too much#its okay he redeems himself by complimenting sasha in such a fashion i just stared at my kitchen tiles for a good minute there#“he didnt come anywhere close to falling cuz hes jesus on the ice... on those edges hes incredible...” is a quote and a half for sure#hey man do you like need a few minutes alone or sumn?#bud you can go take care of that#(insert the tails get trolled meme)#everyday im subjected to the utter insanity that comes out of ekkys mouth and i have to continue living my life like nothing happened#may god help us all#feeling very normal about your captain#sasha love clubs standing chairman
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an afternoon by the black lake🫶🫶🫶
#here is the fluff after my angst drawing of yesterdat😙💓😙💓#maybe you recognize some of these this is just a series of cute fast sketches of these two sweeties#I just like thinking about them spending time together🥹#I keep passing out all day and then waking up to scribble a bit and then passing out again#so sorry these are messy#but I still enjoy them🫶🫶#(ofc I do…I’m Eloise’s number one fan💓💓💓)#sorry I’ve been bad at responding to messages lately hopefully tomorrow I can get back to them🫶🫶🫶#im just so😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow fanart#I also want to draw/write a SUPER CUTE SCENE#that will probably not happen in my fic but be part of their sweet AU#well I don’t want to spoil it but these illustrations are part of my au🥹🫶#oh also in this au they’ve been friends for a few years but the second picture#is the moment Sebastian looks at her and is like😳😳 omg…I’m in love with her…#(it’s a sweet friends to lovers slow burn🥰🥰)
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an endless list of nights blorbos 💖 4/X ↪ orange cassidy
#orange cassidy#aew#all elite wrestling#aewedit#wrestlingedit#wrestling#night gifs#blorbobrainrot#its been a while so. heres another one#with few bonus kips admittedly but that wasnt intentional i swear#just that second moment lives rent free in my head (its pretty much the 'oh shit i love them' moment for me with oc honestly)#and that wedding shot was just. so good with kip in it lol#so excuse me my blorbos my list my gifs i make the rules. also kip is THE blorbo so. excuses lol#anyways i hope these colors are anything. i was unsure but i committed after starting with a certain psd lol#my beloved#sweet little clementine#(rp blogs dont reblog; saving and other personal use with tag credits is fine)
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ahem. and if i may be completely unwell about the moose and slug for a moment,
i keep thinking about a post-story scene where lumpus and slinkman's relationship is still in rocky territory, and they have like... kind of a half-arguement getting ready for bed and it doesn't really go anywhere but there's still a tension in the air, and then a moment of silence as they settle and face each other in the dark. there's a beat. and then slinkman just... reaches over to take lumpus' glasses off (he'd always been in the habit of adjusting them over the years), and he's confused for a second, and slinkman's just like "you shouldn't sleep with those on. you're going to break them" which is like, ah, yes, completely logical action, and something he's told him a million times,
but it's Also like "Oh, God. even when you don't have to anymore, and you said you'd stop doing it all the time, and you're mad at me, you're still taking care of me just because you care enough to that it's complete subconscious instinct for you to do so. i'm gonna jump off a cliff"
because, when you're in the dark, in complete silence, sharing a shoddy pull-out couch bed in the basement of your stupid hand-me-down bait-and-tackle shop with your life-long best friend, your only friend, almost a bit like you used to when you'd push your beds closer together at night the camp you loved all those years ago, well, then there's also nothing else around to distract from the fact that you appreciate that more than anything in the entire world
and so lumpus takes a second and is like ....Right. (voice crack) Of course. and turns to face the ceiling and feels like he's going to be sick <- (i love nausea being one of lumpus' gut responses to feeling things ❤️)
#camp lazlo#talk#scoutmaster lumpus#slinkman#shipping stuff#majorly gay ass little post here sorry (moment of weakness)#ugh... like lumpus is a selfish person and he gets slinkman to do everything for him for a few different reasons right#but another part of that is that it's just become routine#it's a routine. it's monotonous. it's an expectaction. that's what their dynamic ended up becoming after all that time#so when slinkman is fed up with his bullshit and starts withdrawing his warmth and help then and only then does lumpus start to realize#the weight of everything and where it all began and how much the kindness and attention and safety had absolutely decimated him at the star#he hasn't been getting all that anymore and with slinkman that's a very noticable absence#so like reintroducing it into the ecosystem again there when there's nothing else to pay attention to but that#certified I'm Going To Throw Up moment#[algonquin voice] oh. i see. no one is ever going to care about me like slinkman again#there's almost something about jane's sweetness and the stuff shs and slinkman has in common y'know#but he's just been receiving it from slinkman forever now! it's different!!! until it's suddenly and very purposefully taken away!#if he can just pull his head out of his own ass for a second;#he is sentimental and feels out his loneliness and overall lack of love from the world#all of that does get to him and he does admire things like that in people like jane#slinkman is over here feeling like nothing he does is ever actually appreciated#but it wasn't always like that. not in the slightest#he's just forgotten what's in front of him#do you get it. huh. are you starting to pick up what i'm putting down#it's okay if not though cus that's what my other billions of words are for ❤️ yay ❤️#post-story
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why did he do this (rhetorical) (profoundly affected)
#obviously referenced from start to finish. half second shots that kill#you go ''i was already Changed by the mere socked glasses flip / kick gifs. i'm ready'' but you are actually collapsed on the ground#raising my hand as one of the handful of randos who stood up suddenly these past few months like why yes i Will watch your films then#and also as [guy lecturing & emphatically pointing to laptop] i have to do everything myself the undereye coloring is a distinctive trait#fashion icon shit around here also i'm not kidding in the least#i want well another pair of glasses for one & graphic tees short shorts a fanny pack a calculator(?) buttonsy digital watch i completely do#also again with the adhd these flashbacks were beautiful. inspiring. revelatory. profound (cont.)#it's also occurring to me that i've watched a couple movies for the first time recently and it was like. man cmon#one horror one that was like. I Said Man Cmon. another non horror one that was just like an unending shrug#all the more appreciation like yeah hey a horror movie and also just a movie where it's like yes i'm completely along for the ride wahoo yay#raising my third hand as a correct opinions about media haver#corned beef#it#no time to be coy i was here three and greater than three years ago. and just nowadays; evidently:#reddie#online listicle video voice The Couple Of Dozen V Varied Moments From The IT Movies That Drew Blood (Mine)#whoever came up with this sequence i'm kissing on the mouth like my god. again: profound#the power of the rileable using their end of things as their plausible deniability. like oh god i hope he thinks i'm cool. ok asshole Enough#being the guy Just Standing There like fellas the boy you're in love with very insistently did this wyd (only caring abt literature)#adding a 50% pink overlay like it comes time to make these coloring choices & i put on a vivacious song to inspire having fun / being myself#great choice imo. now to slide right under that midnight est wire
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You know what? I think Jason should be a bit more unhinged about his death. I'm not talking about death jokes or "did you die?" comments or even the angst filled moments that we've been getting, which I respect in their own right.... but I'm thinking more along the lines of him carrying dirt from his grave around in a little pendant that he wears around his neck 90% of the time... using his coffin as a table or bookshelf...having a stain glass window in his actual apartment that has a depiction of the angel that stands over his grave...
I wish he would be allowed to actually enjoy his second life more...but I also think it be interesting to see him have a more macabre fascination with his death without linking it to Bruce...
#jason todd#this may be a cold take#but I just can't help but to wonder#yknow?#what if hecomes to look wistfully on his death while also having it be one of the most traumatic defining moments of his life#what if he has claustrophobia and hates the smell of smoke#but then looks at flowers in the park and distantly wonder how it would feel to be underneath them#what if there's anger and fear and sadness and wistfulness when he thinks about waking up in that coffin#what if; for a few moments; his death wasn't about how he 'failed' Bruce#but how he had been betrayed and beaten and suffocated#right before experiencing actual peace for the second or third time in his life#only to have even that ripped away from him#or maybe I'm just trying to make a puddle into a pool.
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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