#the second because it's a big more of a slog and because it's the one i reread most recently (and did enjoy--it's just easy to stall out) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tieronecrush · 1 year ago

Text

hot & heavy

chapter nine: jesus christ 2005 god bless america

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 9.5k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners, feeling familial and self-pressure, undefined relationship, small use of spanish cause joel is latino, pining joel, fingering, hand-job, dirty talkkk king joel miller, soft soft soft joel, sprinkle of possessive joel, Big Feelings, crying, mentions of depression diagnosis and symptoms, struggling with self, discussion of co-parenting, signing away parental rights, effects of that situation on children, major guilt form both of 'em, this chapter has some heavier angst than before!

a/n: they're baaaaaaack <333 my babies! it's 2005 and summer #3 is officially underway and i can't wait to share it with you all. thank you so very much to the bestie/cousin/sister wife/sweet, sweet gf @northernbluess for beta-reading this chapter, and for shouting about these two with me. enjoy y'all x

You can count on your two hands the number of times you’ve been able to talk to Joel over the last year. Sarah’s schedule going into third grade was much busier, his work picking up even more business and expanding. Your job was demanding — long hours, coming in early and staying late, rejection after rejection of ideas you excitedly pitched. By a few months in, you took the hint: you were there to get coffees, do the grunt work, fill in the gaps even if it wasn’t in your job description. It wasn’t that you had a problem with doing all of those things; anyone in the industry, basically anyone with a corporate job has told you that you have to do your time, climb the rungs of the ladder to get to where you want to be. But it’s hard to justify a job that has taken you away from the one place that feels like home, the people who make you feel loved.

It came in waves at first, that feeling of heavy limbs, slogging thoughts, the perpetual cinch of your chest as if you were going to cry, with no reason to. In summer, it was easy to blame it on homesickness, adjusting to a new city, or getting used to living with your new roommates. The leaves changing brought new symptoms: staying in over the weekends, curled up in bed with the TV playing cable reruns for 48 hours straight, the lull of sleep overcoming you at odd hours. But this was merely because the cold was creeping in, and the daylight hours were waning.

Joel called one winter evening; well, the Caller ID read his name, but upon answering the phone, you were quick to realize it was someone else.

“Hello?”

“Posey, you answered! Hi!”

“Hey, Sare-Bear. What’s going on?” You find the means to prop yourself up on your pillows, turning down the volume of the TV and curling your knees toward your chest.

“Not too much, I asked Daddy if I could call you and he said yes, so I did! I was sad you couldn’t be home for Christmas last month. Santa brought me lots of presents! Oh, and Daddy took me to Disney World with Uncle Tommy after Christmas before school started again!”

Sarah’s chipper voice is scraping nails against your heart, tightening your lungs until all you can manage is shallow breaths. You hold it together long enough to hear about all her presents and the Miller family trip before you hear Joel in the background, coaxing the phone from his daughter.

“Daddy says he wants to talk to you so I have to give the phone to him. Bye, Posey, miss you!”

“Miss you too, sweet pea,” you choke out, sinking further into your bed with eyes filling with tears. You should be overjoyed to be hearing from Sarah; instead, it fills you with a reminder that you have no idea when you’ll see her again, no clue how to try to make yourself love this place.

“Hey, Mari.”

The sound of his voice was syrupy, the drawl in his tone basking you in the Texas sun that you missed so. He was like the warmth of a bonfire, the summer breeze messing with your hair while you rode in his truck with the windows down. Hearing him was like sinking into his mattress for the night, a solid, weighted arm slung around you safely.

“Hi, Joel.”

“Gotta say thank you again for the watch you sent me for my birthday. I know, you’re going to say that I’ve already said it about ten times but I need to do it again 'cause I just like havin’ a reminder of you every day.”

“You’re welcome,” your voice wavers slightly, and you make a quick attempt to recover with a deep breath.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

No, not now, you can’t break now, you have to make it through the phone call.

Your tongue sits heavy in your mouth, your ears growing hot and tears pricking your eyes in pain as you hold it all in. One sniffle comes over you before you can catch it, concern lacing the other end of the call.

“Hey, darlin’—Hold on.”

Muffled thumps of footsteps heading upstairs crackle through the phone, the creak and click of a door closing popping in your ear pressed to the speaker.

“Sorry, I had to come up to my room. Now, what’s wrong, darlin’?” Joel’s gentle, airy tone breaks the final splinter of the dam, emotion overflowing.

“I shouldn’t let it all get to me, but, work has been awful, like all I've done this week is get coffee and take minutes for meetings, which don’t even get used because they have someone that gets to actually participate taking the minutes. And—and I can’t seem to find my place. My roommates are way closer with each other cause they’ve been working together before and at the office, it’s so cliquey and everybody keeps calling my accent cute—“

Attempting to make you smile, Joel interjects, “It is cute, sweetheart.”

“Well, you can say that ‘cause you’ve got one too. They just call me ‘Texas’ or ‘Y’all’ cause I said it once in front of the group. These people are all from around here, from generations of East Coast families and they know all about life here and constantly try to one-up each other and I can’t do it, Joel. I can’t—It’s too hard. It hurts so much.”

You’ve fully got tears streaming down your face, your voice thick with phlegm, and sniffling from your runny nose.

“Oh, my sweet girl…” There’s a strain in his voice too, covered with a stuttered clearing sound. “Mariposa, my Mariposa, you can do It. I know it’s hard, I know. And mean people don’t make the adjustment any easier, but remember you’re the bigger person. Kill ‘em with kindness, baby.”

“It breaks my heart to hear you’re hurtin’, Mari. But you can do it. You’re smart, beautiful, funny, tough…Are you—are you talkin’ to anybody, sweetheart? A professional?”

“No…” you confess meekly, embarrassed by your lack of effort.

“It’s okay, baby, that’s okay. Maybe we can find you someone, alright? Might help to get out of the house, go see them, talk to them. We’ll find you someone, Mari. Promise.”

“Joel, I don’t want you to worry about me. You don’t have to help me find—“

“I want to. I worry about you constantly, mi amor. It’s hard not to when half of my heart’s across the country.” Silence falls over the line, picking up your hand to wipe at your tears.

“Thank you, Joel.”

“I love you, Mariposa. Always going to.”

That was the last major phone call you had with him. He did help you find someone, a therapist, to talk to. But through them, you had come to the decision that this life wasn’t for you; corporate bullshit was leaving you burned out and defeated, and it was cooking up an unstable environment that let your sadness and disappointment fester into depressive episodes.

After that discovery, the choice was made and you phoned your parents to tell them you were planning on coming home at the end of your first-year contract if they would have you. They agreed, of course, to welcome you back home for as long as you need.

You couldn’t bring yourself to call Joel. Hearing his disappointment in your quitting would ruin you. And, you couldn’t blame him if he got a bit angry either. You ran off and chose this life, and when it turned out to be shit, you were running home with your tail between your legs at the first opportunity. He expected so much from you and was so proud of you for choosing your dreams.

You couldn’t bear to tell him about your failure. So you didn’t.

Arrangements were made in the next few months: a replacement roommate found, a letter of resignation submitted, a one-way plane ticket purchased.

Joel wipes at his forehead, standing in the middle of the job site he was working by himself. It was rare for him to really get his hands dirty these days; Miller Construction has grown tenfold since it started, a wider team built and Joel taking the helm as more of a manager and owner. He had a hand in every project, being the one to design and plan everything, leaving the execution to be led by Tommy and his employees.

This was a particular job, though, and one he wanted to make sure was perfect.

Your dad had approached him in early Spring, walking over while Joel mowed the lawn. He explained what he was looking to get done — the basement converted into a studio apartment, with a new bathroom and kitchenette.

Joel agreed to help with the task, and out of curiosity he asked why they were making the change. Usually, it was in-laws, but maybe it was to increase the sale value. Maybe they were planning a move?

He heard it and zoned out immediately.

You? You were moving home?

He wracked his brain for any mention of these plans from you over the last few months, but he came up short when he realized it had been a couple of months since the last phone call. Life had gotten so busy, evenings spent with lawyers and Sarah home every weekend, trying to adjust her to the new arrangement as best as he could. There was his own news he had to tell you, but couldn’t ever find the right time to reach out when he knew how stressed out you were. He remembered missing a call from you, but he completely forgot to return it. Were you going to tell him then?

The phone call he made to you that night went to voicemail, and he left one in hopes you would return a call or message.

“Hey, Mariposa… Hope you’re doing well, amor. Your dad, uh, he came over today and asked me for help on the house. They wanna make the apartment a basement and—shit you definitely already know all of this… Are you—are you coming home?”

He couldn’t stand how he sounded, on the verge of begging and filled with nerves, so the voicemail ended after he asked. You didn’t return the call.

Standing back looking at his handiwork, he takes a deep breath. He’s poured over the decisions for every detail, your parents entrusting him with the project completely. He matched the floors to the rest of your house, but the walls are a soft green, one accented with wallpaper he painstakingly installed that is patterned with lavender, marigolds, and hydrangeas — small butterflies hidden in the flowers.

At one side of the studio space, Joel installed the bookshelf he made by hand in his garage, the built-in coming up halfway on the wall, molding covering the surface, and stained a rich, medium tone that complemented the paint choice. He imagined your rows and rows of beat-up paperbacks filling the spaces, knickknacks strewn along the top.

Your furniture was moved down from your bedroom, arranged by your mom to fit nicely within the space. It feels like you’re already living in this space, the touches of you from your things and the new items he tried to get perfectly ‘you’. A faint smile tugs at his lips, excitement trickling into his bloodstream and tingling all over.

You’re coming home.

The first day you were back, you didn’t leave your new room.

It was out of exhaustion, but mostly out of relishing in the new space, nearly brought to tears by the thoughtfulness of your parents. When they were showing you the new studio suite of yours, you couldn’t stop smiling, turning to your mom and asking, “How did you choose the paint color? And where’d you get the bookshelf?”

Your mom laughed, shrugging as she answered, “Believe it or not, Dad and I were so busy these last few months that we told Joel just to go wild! Well, not wild, but he made all the choices — only ran the cost by us.”

“Wait, Joel did this?”

“Oh yeah, did the whole thing for free labor, too. Stand up guy. Said he just wanted to help out a neighbor — and he did the whole thing himself too, none of his guys helped him. He did a great job, huh kiddo?” Your Dad gives you a grin, extending his arms as if showcasing the room you three were already in and poking around in.

“Yeah, he did do a great job. Guess I need to thank him…” You swallow hard and toy with your bedspread as you sit at the edge of your bed, one leg bent onto the mattress, “Thank you both for this and—and for letting me come home.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it, kiddo. We love having you here, always. You stay however long you need, princess.” At that, it was simply closed, your parents never pushing for more detail than you were willing to offer at the time; both gave you a kiss on your head and a tender hug before they made their way back upstairs, leaving you to begin unpacking.

A fresh set of eyes rolls over the space, the context that each choice was Joel’s, made for you, lighting up small details. The color of the wood he used for the shelves, the wallpaper covered in your favorite flowers and butterflies; what catches your attention is a frame set on the surface of the built-ins. You pick it up, free hand jumping to your chest as you study the content.

A drawing, signed in the bottom right corner by a “Sarah M.” It’s of a garden, lush greenery with an opening in the middle. Joel stands at one side, with dark hair and a scribbled beard, Sarah in the middle with her bouncy curls. On the other side of Sarah is a depiction of you in your sundress from the day at the butterfly garden last summer. The closest thing to a photo of the three of you.

Placing the frame back where you had found it, you hold back your tears, rubbing circles in your thumping chest as you look around the room for five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

At the third out of four things you can touch, your eyes fall to your bed, pink plaid poking out from between your pillows drawing you nearer. You pull out the shape from your bedding, coming face to face with the long-eared, stuffed bunny that you passed down to Sarah last year. Flopsy.

You curl the animal into your chest, squeezing it as you climb onto your bed and lie down. Bringing it up to your face, you inhale the smell of the Miller house, the smell of your previous summers. It calms your rapid pulse, each deep breath lulling you to sleep.

Somehow, despite being each other’s next-door neighbors, you’ve managed to avoid Joel and he’s avoided you for the last few days. It wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him — no, you were constantly thinking about him. Driving past his house, walking past his driveway, every time you wake up in your room and are faced with all of what he did for you.

But finally seeing him, talking to him, you were going to be faced with the reality of telling him that you couldn’t make it, even with all of his support. The thought of watching his face fall when you have to admit you moved across the country for what amounted to nothing, broke his heart for dreams that ended up being the opposite of what you wanted.

Joel avoided you, simply to give you some time to adjust and also, to skirt around the fact that he wasn’t there for you when you must have needed him the most. Plus, he had his own news to share with you, and he kept it in to keep you from worrying. He knew if he had told you then, when you were away, you would be on the next flight home to help him. He couldn’t make you do that, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to say no to you coming either. And now, he’ll have to admit all of this to you — to tell you that he kept this from you and watched your face fall into hurt.

This sunny Saturday morning, you’ve taken to walking door to door with all of the parents in the neighborhood, offering yourself to babysit or nanny to fill the summer while you figure out what you want to do with your life. Most were surprised to see you back home, but eager to take down your number, promising to reach out if they needed help.

On your way back home, you’re on Joel’s side of the cul-de-sac, biting your lip as you get a view of his back in a white tee, shoulders straining as he stretches over the hood of his truck. He squeegees the front windshield, the truck covered in soap suds from him washing it.

As if feeling eyes on him, he turns over his shoulder to see you walking up. Completely turning around, he leans back against the hood, waving to you with a held-back smile. Joel eyes you in your cut-off shorts, licking his lips and humming to himself when he sees his navy t-shirt on you, the one he gave you last summer.

“Now, Miller, I haven’t seen you wash that dirty ass truck once the past two summers. And now you’re out here in your little shorts and white tee as soon as I get back? Suspicious.”

On his driveway now, you stand a few feet apart, a bright teasing smile on your face. Joel can’t help but feel the familiar itch in his fingers, gripping the squeegee tighter. His butterfly is back in his stomach, stirring to life as its wings start fluttering at the sight of you, rising to his chest at the sound of your voice.

“Bit suspicious that this is the first time you just so happen to stop by to say hello, is it not, Mariposa?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrows, smirk tugging up one side of his lips and exposing his dimple.

“Wha—Oh, shut up. I was stopping by to offer to help you, for your information.”

“Oh yeah? Alright then, grab a sponge, sweetheart,” he nods to the bucket on the asphalt, tossing the squeegee into the grass. You pick up a sponge out of the bucket, ringing it out a bit before going over and starting to wash the other side of his car. Joel disappears around the side of the house, coming back with the hose running water to rinse the car off.

“Think you missed a spot, Joel,” you giggle, moving the sponge in circles.

“Y’know what? I think I missed a really big spot. Kind of on the other side by you.” He’s got a devilish smirk painting his face, mischief glinting his eyes in the sunlight. He stalks around the car, moving his thumb toward the end of the hose.

“Joel, don’t you dare…”

“What, darlin’? You look a little hot. Think you need to cool down.”

“Joel! Don’t, you shithead!”

In a last-ditch effort, you toss your sponge at his chest before trying to run away. It’s fruitless, shrieking as you feel the cold water spray at your legs. You turn around to face Joel chasing you with the hose, his thumb at the end to make the water pressure higher and shoot farther. It’s as if it’s raining, the water dripping from above; you cup your hands over your head, closing your eyes as you attempt to avoid the spray.

“Okay, okay! I've cooled down, please!”

All you hear is a laugh in response, the sound multiplying the goosebumps that the cold water has caused. With your eyes squeezed shut, you're blind as you run around the car, hitting directly into something solid, sturdy, but much softer than metal. A small ‘oof’ exhales out, one arm wrapping around you to steady you.

Opening your eyes, you see Joel with a wide, childish grin and a deepened dimple on his right cheek. The crinkles next to his eyes are showing and you can see the wet spot in his white shirt from the sponge hitting him.

“May I propose a treaty?”

“If it keeps you from spraying me with the hose, sure.”

He laughs again, sliding his hand across your back.

“You come over tonight and I won’t spray you again.”

“Hmm,” you hum as you consider it, eyes widening as Joel moves to get the hose on you again, “Okay, deal! Hose down, Miller!”

Happily, Joel throws the hose into the grass, tightening his arm in a half-hug. His lips as your ear, he speaks sweetly and kisses your cheek. “Good to have you home, Mari.”

You help him clean up the rest after he finishes rinsing the truck and shuts off the hose, lingering with him on the driveway.

He nods inside with a smile, “Someone else’s been waitin’ to see you if you wanna come in for a bit.”

“That would make my day. I’d love to see that someone,” you say through a smile, cheeks hurting from laughing and grinning for the past ten minutes.

Joel leads you inside, spotting Sarah on the couch. He walks ahead of you into the living space, heart swelling at the shocked reaction Sarah has to you standing in their house.

You are feeling the same — the ache in your bones from the last few months quells once you step foot in their house, limbs lightening when Sarah jumps off the couch and runs over, or well, runs into you.

“Posey! I can’t believe you’re back!” Sarah exclaims, giggling excitedly when you scoop her up into a hug and hold her flush against you. A kiss is pressed to the top of her head, a familiar scent in her hair from the product you use. You exchanged equally ecstatic greetings before she pulled you into the kitchen with Joel, sitting at the table to chat. Sarah sits across your lap, kicking her feet as she asks a million questions about why, how, what, and more.

You answer all of them, Joel interjecting for some as you explain to her that you’ll be here for the whole summer, at least, and that you’ll still be right next door.

Rubbing her back, you look down at Sarah with a gentle smile, “I have been meaning to come to ask you, sweet pea, but I found a mutual friend of ours on my bed when I came home. How did Flopsy end up back at my house? Did he get lost while your dad was working on my new room?”

“No, he isn’t lost! I know he’s there cause I put him there. I thought you might’ve missed him, and that he might make you happy and cheer you up because Daddy said you were missing home.”

Joel was unaware of the animal his daughter left behind, swallowing hard as she mentioned how he explained you were feeling homesick back then when you two had talked. His eyes are glued to you as he watches the emotions in your eyes, sadness flashing in them before you recover, visibly sitting up and the corners of your mouth tugging up into a gentle smile.

“He made me feel much better, sweet pea, so thank you. I can bring him back next time, okay?”

Sarah shakes her head firmly, making strong eye contact with you as she says, “No, you should keep him 'cause maybe you might need him while you get used to being home. He helped me get used to staying with Daddy all the time now, so I thought he could help you be at home again, too.”

You glance at Joel, who’s looking away from you now and toying with the edge of a placemat that’s laid out on the surface. Sarah turns her head, looking between the two of you before Joel clears his throat.

“Hey Bug, we gotta head out to get you over to Emily’s house for your sleepover tonight. Can you go get your bag from upstairs? And say goodbye to Posey.”

A quick hug and she is zipping off, leaving the two adults sitting at the table in a moment of silence. It’s Joel who breaks it again, looking at you with something unreadable on his face.

“You’re coming over tonight, yeah? I—I, um, I think we have some catching up to do.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I’ll see you tonight.” You stand up and he follows you to the door, taking your hand in his to pull you back as your hand reaches for the doorknob.

“It is really good to have you home, Mariposa. Feels like—I don’t know, life feels like summer again. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Joel. I’ll see you tonight,” you lean in, stretching up to kiss his cheek before slipping out of the door and into your backyard.

At sunset, you slip out of the sliding glass door, walking across the pool area and into Joel’s backyard. Climbing up his deck stairs, you reach his back door and knock, biting back a smile when you can see him approaching with a puzzled expression. He opens the door, looking at you through the screen with a brown raised.

“Back door? This a new thing now?”

“S’closer to my new room.” You shrug and knock your knuckles on the metal frame of the screen door. Joel nods for you to step back, opening the door and holding it for you to come inside, shutting it and the windowed, wooden door behind it. Turning around to you, he steps forward, snaking his arms around your hips. A soft smile peels apart his lips with a relaxed sigh, leaning some of his weight into you.

“Hi, Mari.”

“Hey, J.”

“You smell good,” he says, muffled into your hair, lips pressing a kiss to the side of your head, “And I like that nickname.”

A quiet giggle breathes out from your mouth, hands coasting up and down his biceps. He moves to tuck your head under his chin, swaying back and forth in the middle of his kitchen.

“Thought we had stuff to talk about?” You question, biting your bottom lip and making no move to unfurl yourself from his arms. This is what you had been missing so much, feeling his radiating warmth and care. His tenderness, his love.

“We do. But I get to just hold you first, darlin’. Been waiting too long to do this again.” Squeezing you closer, he tucks his chin in to lay his lips against the top of your head, fingertips ghosting up your spine. It’s at least two minutes before he moves, untangling himself from you with one last kiss on your forehead.

“Alright, mi Mariposa, how about we sit on the couch? You can go first, sweetheart,” his voice crackles in your ears, feeling the reverb in your chest from his low drawl. Hands at your sides guide you into the living room, letting go to allow you to sit down, Joel taking a seat next to you and facing you. “You wanna go first, Mari? S’alright if you don’t…”

“No, I do. I think I should at least…” You sigh and focus your stare on a stitched seam of the back of the couch, tracing it with your fingers as you begin to recount what brought you home, “I don’t know if you remember that one phone call we had in the winter, but it was after that, you helped me find someone to talk to?”

“I remember.”

“Well, I started seeing them weekly, sometimes twice a week, and it helped to be able to talk about everything, but there wasn’t too much I could do to help the situation I was in. My, um, my therapist diagnosed me with depression.”

Your voice was thick, phlegm building up as your emotions started to get the best of you, stare still unfocused from Joel. His hand lays over yours, pulling you away from the movement and to his face. There’s no judgment in his eyes, only concern and piety. Without any words, he slides closer to you, pulling your legs across his lap and slipping an arm around your back.

“And in our sessions, I wasn’t really getting much better with the tools she was giving to me, so we made a plan. It started with her asking me where I felt the most myself, the most comfortable, where I could work on everything without the added…stress of work and feeling isolated. And then it was a bit of a no-brainer to make arrangements to come home. And—and I meant to call you, I really tried, Joel. But I couldn’t bear to have to tell you that I—I failed and that I broke your heart for nothing. You believed in me so much, and I couldn’t do it. I left everything behind, left you behind and nothing came out of it. And I couldn’t bring myself to call cause I couldn’t hear your reaction. I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back. If you would be mad or disappointed…”

You exhale with a long breath, tears flowing freely down your cheeks while Joel’s fingers work to wipe them away as quickly as they fall.

“Sweet girl…My Mariposa, I am so sorry you went through that. I’m so glad that you weren’t alone, that you had support, but I hate that I wasn’t there when you needed me,” he swallows and holds you against his chest, “I love you, sweet girl, always going to. I knew you had to go because I knew you might’ve regretted it if you didn’t try, but, darlin’, mi amor, I could give two shits if you live some big corporate life if it doesn’t make you happy. That is all I want for you, Mari, and if that wasn’t what you had up there, then I want you to find it wherever you are.”

You sniffle and wrap your arms around his neck, both of you embracing each other tightly — so tightly you nearly can’t breathe, but it feels comforting, like a weighted blanket over your body and soul.

“Selfishly, I’m glad you came home. Missed you, my sweet girl, and ‘m always gonna be here for you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me, I should have been better, but there was just so much happening…” he admits, guilt and shame oozing out of his words and tone.

You pull back, brow furrowed as you hold the side of his jaw.

“Did something happen?”

“Um, yeah. Something did happen, in the spring…” he runs a hand over his face, sighing before he drops his forehead against yours, staying silent for a moment before sitting up again and gripping onto the fabric of your shirt.

“I have full custody of Sarah now.”

He watches as confusion falls over your face, melding into concern as he sees your thought process happening. He knows you’re thinking about Sarah, all of the little things she said earlier this afternoon must be clicking finally. The rhythm of his heart is racing, waiting for your questions.

“What? What happened? How? Are you okay, is Sarah okay?”

“It’s alright, Mari, I’m okay. Sarah’s adjusting. It was just sudden, and I had to scramble to get everything in order while also figuring out how to tell her. I really haven’t told her the truth, I c—I can’t do that to her…” His voice drops to a whisper as he trails off, eyes welling with tears of his own.

“Oh, J, babe, what happened? If you want to tell me, I’m here for you.”

He clears his throat, twisting the handful of fabric he’s got, “Tiff approached me after her last drop off when Sarah was inside the house, and she told me that…She basically said she met someone new, he was movin’ out of state for his job, and she wouldn’t be able to afford her child support anymore. I asked her what she was gettin’ at and she said, she said she wanted to sign her rights away. That she couldn’t do it all anymore.”

“I mean, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sarah that—that her mom didn’t want to take care of her anymore. So I only told her that she would be gone for a while and that she would be staying at home for all her weekends for now. I don’t know what to do, baby. And it was all so chaotic, and I couldn’t call you 'cause I didn’t want to add to your stress with work and life up there.”

In response, you hold yourself around him silently, arms at his neck, straddling his lap and wrapping your legs around his waist like a koala in a tree. Joel relaxes into you, damp droplets soaking into your shirt and skin as he lays his head on your shoulder. All of his stress, his anxieties come out. He knows he should also be comforting you, for everything you’ve told him, but it’s like a door has opened and everything is piling out of him. He’s held it together for months now, his only person to talk to being Tommy, but he doesn’t want to burden his younger brother with all of his problems all the time.

Not that he wants to do that to you, either, especially with what you’ve been through, but at this moment, all he can think about is your touch, your warmth, your care.

“You could never be anything but an addition to my life, Joel. Even if it’s a problem, I want to help you solve it or be there for you while you work through it. ‘M here now, we both are, so we can get through our things together.”

At his next sniffle, he pulls away, staying wrapped up in you but sitting so he can see your face.

“Guess these last few months have been messes for both of us, huh?” You break the seriousness of the moment with your chuckle, sending Joel into a fit of laughter as he nods.

“Guess so. Might’ve been better if either of us called. Don’t think we’d be here right now crying.”

“That’s life though, isn’t it? At least ours. Miscommunication continually brings us back together. I think maybe we should quit that habit though.”

“I agree…” he smiles sweetly, eyes pouring adoration into yours, “All this talk about us, I guess my other question would be, what are we? I mean, you don’t have an end to the summer, right? So maybe we could—“

“Let’s give us a proper shot. No expiration date. We can just be together and see what comes of it, yeah?”

“Yeah, Mariposa, yeah. I would love that,” Joel leans in, catching your lips in a slow, syrupy kiss. It’s languid, stealing your breath and giving you his, melting your tongues together and sighing at the taste of you. He pulls back, ghosting his lips over yours with an infectious smile.

“So, is that it? Are you officially mine, Mariposa? Mi Mariposa es solo mi Mariposa (My butterfly is only my butterfly)?”

“Yours. And you’re mine, so don’t forget it,” you chuckle and he kisses you sweetly again, shaking his head as his nose fits against yours.

“Never going to forget that, are you kidding me? Hearing that automatically entered my top five best life moments.”

“God, you’re such an idiot…”

“Yeah, I am, baby. An idiot in love. A fool for you,” he laughs and tightens his grip around you, arms settling under your thighs as he stands from the couch, carrying you toward the stairs, “Also an idiot who’s getting to go to bed with the girl of his dreams. So, really, who’s an idiot now? Think I made some damn good decisions.”

“Can I take back my answer to your question?” You tease, shrieking when he drops you onto his bed, a smirk on his face as he shakes his head.

“No takebacks. Stuck with me now, Mariposa,” he climbs over you and kisses you again, deeper than before but as innocent as the giggly kisses you shared earlier.

“Good thing you’re a good kisser.”

“Yeah? Bet you know what else I’m good at, don’t you, sweetheart?” He sits back on his haunches, eyes dragging over you laying back on his bed, tongue poking out to lick his lips.

“Can I have you, darlin’? Pretty please?”

A hard swallow comes from your throat, crossing your arms over your stomach as you look up from the mattress to Joel.

“I want you to, but I’ve…I haven’t done anything since—“

“I understand, sweet girl. You wanna ease back into it with me, hermosa? We’ll go slow,” he watches you nod, pushing up the hem of your t-shirt to under your breasts, “No bra? Sigues siendo mi diablita, no? (You’re still my little devil, aren’t you?)”

As you sit up, he tugs the materials over your head, folding over to attach his lips to one of your already pebbled nipples. A whimper slips from your mouth, tangling fingers into his hair and arching into his mouth. He pays the same attention to the other side, soft moans filling the room.

Joel separates from you with a pop of his lips, grinning as he reaches for the back collar of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head. You happily sigh as you run your hands across his strong chest and shoulders, tickling your fingertips down his stomach as he watches you slip his shorts’ waistband down a few inches.

“Mm, I have an idea, sweetheart…You wanna try something we haven’t done before?” Joel kisses your lips before peppering kisses along your jaw.

“What d’you have in mind?”

“Take the rest of your clothes off, darlin’. ‘M gonna sit up at my headboard and you come sit on my lap, m’kay?”

You follow his instructions, licking your lips as you watch him stand and strip in front of you, his hard cock slapping against his stomach, leaking already out of need. He sits on his bed, head leaned against the headboard with pillows supporting his back. With your shorts and panties thrown into a heap with his clothes, you walk over the mattress on your knees, lifting one to the other side of his thighs.

“So beautiful, Mariposa. The most beautiful,” he sighs as he licks into your mouth, grabbing handfuls of your ass, “How did I get so damn lucky?”

“Could say the same thing about you, J. Pretty boy.”

He chuckles against your lips, shaking his head. “Not as pretty as you, mi amor. Estás preciosa. Mucho más preciosa que cualquier flor o puesta de sol o estrella. La cosa más hermosa que he visto.”

“What does that all mean?”

“You are gorgeous. Much more gorgeous than any flower or sunset or star. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen,” Joel speaks softly, tenderness in his eyes as he brushes your hair away from your face.

Heat spans across the back of your neck and up to the tips of your ears, heart pounding from the look he is giving you. It feels like it’s breaking down any facade you had left, completely exposed to him with the bashful smile on your face.

“I love you, Mariposa,” he punctuates with a stealing kiss, one hand roaming around to your front to slip between your legs. Two fingers collect your arousal on their tips, dragging some to your clit as you sigh into Joel’s mouth.

“Now, ‘m gonna touch you, baby, and if you want, you touch me at the same time, yeah?” He pulls away from your lips, nudging his nose into your cheek.

“I want to, I really want to.”

His fingers move to your entrance, gathering more along his whole fingers before pulling from between your legs and wrapping his own hand around his cock. He gives himself a few long strokes, looking into your eyes.

“Think you can spare some for me, sweet girl? Got you fucking drenched from barely even touchin’ you,” he sighs contently, leaning his head back more, “Spit on it for me, baby, and use your own hand, m’kay?”

You nod, eager to follow instructions. Folding forward, you drop saliva onto his waiting cock, watching as it slips down the side and mixes with your slick. He takes his hand away and your own wraps around his base, starting slow and teasing strokes.

“Fuck,” he exhales, dragging it out as long as his sigh is, “Missed you so much, sweet girl. You’re my sweet girl now, aren’t you? Only mine.”

His fingers find your core again, slow circles matching the energy of your strokes. A whine slips out, brows scrunching as you attempt to move your hips to get more friction.

“Please, Joel, please. Want more…”

“You want more, mi Mariposa? You want me to fuck you with my fingers, hm?” At your rapid nod, he chuckles darkly, nipping at your neck.

“Gotta give me more to get more, sweetheart. ‘M aching for you, just giving you the same treatment.”

“Mean,” you breathe out, gasping as his thick fingers tease your entrance.

“You ain’t seen mean yet, cariño,” he kisses you again as he slips one finger inside of you, the pace of your hand moving faster when you get more of what you wanted. He groans, the sound muffled into your tongue as it flicks against his, the heel of his hand rubbing against your clit. You start to bounce your hips in rhythm with your hand, imagining his cock inside of you again.

With a lewd noise, he pulls away, shallow breaths fanning across your collarbone.

“Mm, that’s right, baby. Fuck yourself on my fingers while you stroke my cock.”

His voice makes you flood his finger even more, easily slipping another into you for a few strokes before adding a third.

“Feel full, sweet girl? Feel anything like my cock?” He whispers to you as you continue to ride his hand, moving your hips and hand faster.

“So full, J. Not as good as your cock, nothing ever is, but fuck—oh fuck! Feels so good.” Your eyes close tightly as the frays of tightly coiled rope start to break inside of you. Joel takes over as your body stills with stimulation, fucking his fingers into you quickly with wet noises while his own hips move under your grip to fuck your hand.

“Come for me, my sweet girl. Let me feel what I’ve missed about this pussy. Still mine, isn’t it?”

“Yesyesyes, Joel! Oh my god, fuck I’m coming!” You open your eyes as the last fibers of the rope snap, pleasure radiating over every nerve while he continues to move under you and inside of you. The aftershocks of your orgasm fade as he whimpers in front of you, shots of warm cum coating your hand and his stomach.

“Oh fuck, Mari…” Joel picks his head up and looks at you with a breathless laugh and smile, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips as he pulls his fingers out of you.

“I love you, my girl. Mi Mariposa. Let’s get you cleaned up and get to sleep, yeah?”

Slumber reaches the edge of your vision, drooping your eyelids as Joel guides you to his en-suite, washing your hands for you before washing his, and wiping a warm cloth between your legs. He peppers kisses to your head, shoulders, and neck as he does it all, whispering sweet nothings as he pulls you back into his bed.

“Night, Mari.”

“Night, J…Mm, before I forget, we’re getting you new sheets tomorrow. No more navy, you’ve got a girl in your life now.”

He laughs, kissing the top of your head and holding you closer to his side as he exhales, “Sure thing, my sweet girl. Can’t have all the other ladies I randomly bring up to my room think I don’t have a woman in my life, Mariposa.”

The tone is overly sarcastic and you flick his chest half awake.

“It’s not for other women to know, it’s so I don’t feel like I’m with a junior in college. Makes you look like a frat star.”

Joel laughs louder, your head shaking with his chest moving and a smile turning your lips up, before he calms himself and strokes your spine, “Okay, okay, it is the task for the morning. We’ll pick up Sarah and head to…”

“HomeGoods.”

“Alright, HomeGoods it is. Now sleep.”

Sarah darts ahead of you both as Joel holds the door open, beelining in her Strawberry Shortcake pajamas to the first open booth she sees. Easily sliding into one side, she moves toward the wall as you two approach, patting the spot next to her.

“Posey, come sit with me!”

With a smile, you take the offered seat and look over to Joel as he settles in on the opposite side, shaking his head as he gives Sarah a playfully hurt face.

“You don’t want me to sit next to you, Bug?” he pouts.

“I wanna sit with Posey 'cause I always have to sit with you when we go places. It gets boring.”

You laugh loudly and cover your mouth when you get glares from other customers, Joel’s jaw drops for a moment before he looks at you and starts laughing as well.

“Never lose your honesty, mija.”

Sarah doesn’t seem phased by her dad’s response, moving to sit on her knees in the booth and look over the kids’ menu. Reaching up, you fluff her curls, smiling at her when she turns to look at you.

“How was the sleepover, Sare-Bear? I see you got some tinsel in your hair, it’s very pretty.”

“It was fun, but I kinda missed my stuffed animals and my own bed. I wanna have a sleepover at our house, Daddy,” Sarah looks up from the menu and to Joel, awaiting an answer. With one look at Joel, you can see the idea makes him nervous, having a handful of young girls to entertain for a whole night as a single dad. Sarah is one thing, she’s his and he can handle her attitude or boredom, but with other kids, he isn’t so sure he has a lot of tolerance.

“Um, I’m not sure, Bug. Can I think about it?” he asks with his brow furrowed, reaching across the table to nudge her arm with a smile. Sarah sighs and sits back, clearly disappointed in her father’s answer.

“Well, what about if you had a sleepover with me? I would be honored to be invited over. We could watch movies and I could do your hair or your makeup. We could paint our nails — a whole girls’ night. Plus your dad,” you turn back to Joel with a grin, winking as he chuckles.

Sarah immediately perks up, grinning wildly and bouncing in her seat, “You would come over for that, Posey? I want to have a sleepover with you. Please, Daddy, please can Posey come over?”

Joel gives you a knowing look, the secret shared between you two not living on for much longer, and he nods with a grin, “Sure, Bug. Posey can come over and stay whenever you want.”

Breakfast is filled with conversation about what you could do at said sleepover, making plans for movies, and going to the drug store to get some new nail polishes. Joel orders for the table so you can stay engrossed in conversation, and he can’t help but put a hand to his chest as he observes the two of you talking like you are best friends, despite the nearly twenty-year age difference. You treat Sarah like your own, and he reminds himself to thank you for that, someday.

When the chocolate waffles are set in front of you and Sarah, and a typical two eggs, toast, and bacon meal is laid in front of Joel, the conversation slows. After taking a sip of water, Joel faces Sarah, sharing one quick glance with you.

“So, mija, do you remember last summer when you were telling me about those classmates of yours that were boyfriend and girlfriend and they spent recess together?”

“Yeah, Luke and Katie. They are not boyfriend girlfriend anymore,” she says with an exasperated sigh, taking another bite of her waffle.

“Well, that’s too bad…Anyways, Bug, d’you remember what you told me when Posey was moving away? Like what you told me I should ask her?” You forgo your breakfast for a moment, sipping your water and darting your eyes between Joel and Sarah. She seems perplexed for a minute, tapping her chin as she thinks back in her young memory.

“I think I remember, Daddy. Why?”

Joel adjusts in his seat, clearing his throat — he’s never had to have this type of conversation with Sarah. Every woman he dated before had never gotten to this point, and after over two years of this back and forth with you, over a year of being head over heels for you, he knows it’s appropriate and that it’s time and that this is going to last until the end. If everything goes, well, how he is hoping it will go, this will be the only time he has to have a conversation like this with Sarah.

If only he knew how you were just as nervous, clammy hands gripping your condensation-covered plastic cup tighter and looking over at Sarah. Sure, she loves you, but that is as her nanny. As a family friend. Would she change her opinion if you were dating her dad? Your mind told you that you couldn’t be sure despite the way your heart was yelling at you to tell you that it would be all fine.

“I was askin’ you all this 'cause I have a big question I wanted to ask you. It’s okay to be honest, princess, I want you to know you can say whatever it is you feel, yeah?” Sarah nods in confirmation, encouraging Joel to continue, “What would you think about Posey being my girlfriend?”

“Is she your girlfriend, Daddy?” Her head whips to the side, curls bouncing as a grin grows on her face, “Are you Daddy’s girlfriend?”

The younger Miller volleys her gaze between you and Joel, eyes widened with her brows raised as she sits up eagerly. You make eye contact with Joel, nodding to him with a gentle smile.

“Yeah, mija, Posey’s my girlfriend now. Can you believe she said yes to your silly dad?” He teases and can’t help but laugh along with her as she giggles excitedly, the infectiousness of it bringing out a laugh from you.

“I’m so excited! Wait, so that means Posey is gonna be hanging out with you lots of times? And she’ll be at our house and can play with me?” Her tiny arms wrap around your bicep closest to her, leaning into your side. You drop your head onto hers and both of you look over at Joel.

“As much as Posey wants to come over, we’d be happy to have her, right Bug?” He smiles sweetly at you, holding your eyes for a lingering moment before Sarah pipes up again.

“Well, you can’t take up all the time Posey is over, Daddy, ‘cause I want to hang out with her, too.” Her arms tighten possessively and you chuckle, shaking your head.

“No need to worry about that, sweet pea,” acting as if you’re sharing a secret with her, you lean in, “Don’t tell your dad, but I think we’ll hang out the most.”

Sarah giggles at your joke, leaning back in the booth and letting go of your arm. Joel’s daughter starts to list everything she wants to do this summer, now with you instead of only her dad, and you look up to face Joel for a moment. He shrugs and smiles at you, reaching over and stealing a bite of your waffle. At your gasp, he chuckles and grins smugly, chewing the swiped sweet.

“Hey, Daddy, that’s not very polite,” Sarah reprimands, turning back to her food.

“I was makin’ sure it wasn’t poisoned, mija, just like I’m going to make sure yours isn’t too,” he takes the same from her plate, and in retaliation, you reach over and grab a piece of bacon, splitting it in half and giving one to Sarah.

“Hey! I don’t have that much bacon, y’all have massive waffles.”

“Sharing is caring. That’s what you always say to me, Daddy.”

“Yeah, J, sharing is caring. Can’t give the lesson if you can’t follow it.” You playfully stick your tongue out and Sarah imitates it, too. Joel sighs and shakes his head, leaning back in the booth.

“Is the two of you teaming up on me gonna be a thing now?”

“Yeah,” you answer at the same time as Sarah, the three of you laughing with each other.

It was bold to come to a HomeGoods on a Sunday, all of the aisles packed with people browsing on this relaxing weekend, stowing away in the air conditioning before venturing to the other stores in the commons. Sarah grips your hand, poking around the shelves while Joel stands behind you, a hand on your waist to keep you close.

The aisle filled with sheet sets is finally discovered by the three of you, excusing yourselves to the center of the aisle past a few fellow shoppers, looking up and down before facing Joel.

“Alright, your choice. Anything but plain ol’ navy, please.”

Joel’s eyes follow the same path that yours had, combing over the options before shrugging and staring down at you again.

“You choose for me.”

“Okay, that is not the point, it is still your room and your house.”

“I made choices for your room for you, sweetheart, you choose for me now,” his timbre rings in your ears as he presses his lips into the side of your head, fingertips rubbing circles in your lower back. Sarah wanders off down the aisle and Joel calls out a warning to stay where he can see her, waiting for you as you peruse the options. After some consideration, you select a thin pinstriped set and a plain white one, holding the sets against your chest.

“What d’ya think of these? Like either of ‘em?” Joel checks them out, shrugging and smiling.

“Both look great to me. You wanna look at anything else, mi amor?” He leads you out of the aisle, taking the sets and holding them under his arm. Pursuing the store, the three of you weave around aisles, checking out some other things. Sarah excitedly runs ahead to explore the kids’ section, drawn in by glitter, sequins, and bright colors. Joel takes your hand with his open one, nodding to some furniture on display.

“D’you like any of that?” You hum, turning your attention to him when you hear his question, following his gaze to the mix of pieces. Shrugging, you squeeze his hand and grab his bicep with your opposite one.

“The chair’s nice. Personally, I prefer my handcrafted, artisan bookshelf though.”

Joel scoffs and laughs a bit at your descriptors, “M’glad to hear that, the amount of splinters I got for that thing was brutal.”

“There’s literally blood, sweat, and tears put into it then,” you tease, continuing to scan over the goods, “None of this compares to a Joel Miller original.”

“I mean, thank you, sweetheart, but I do want you to feel at home with us. I’d get whatever you liked—well, maybe not something I could make 'cause it’s less expensive for me to just do it, but I want you to have a hand in our home. Make it as much of your space as it is ours.”

“I do feel at home with you both cause it’s the two of you. I mean, I didn’t really feel completely at home until I was at your place. The drawing from Sarah and Flopsy and the fact that you built my studio for me made me feel so much more comfortable, but it was like something really settled when I saw you.”

“Y’know, I like having little reminders of you every day, darlin’. Bedsheets, stolen bites of waffle, the stuffed animals on Sarah’s bed, my watch from you,” he lifts his left wrist to show off the round face with the army green band, kissing your cheek, “And I want whatever you are willing to give me, even if it is just those tiny moments. I would be content with that for the summer; no matter where you decide to end up, I’d cherish all the small things with you.”

Looking up at him, you give his hand a gentle squeeze, “Think we both know what I’m gonna decide, J.”

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expatesque · 2 days ago

Text

Monthly Recap - Nov

Second round of this, under the cut

Read

Mansfield Park, Jane Austen - Do not recommend, was decent in the start but a slog by the end. Fanny is the most insipid protagonist I’ve come across in Jane by a mile, truly wishing her the worst.

Death in the Clouds, Agatha Christie - a top notch Poirot, very fun and twisty.

The absolute drama around Yellow Bittern has been so jokes, Vittles as ever had a great take

Ann Helen Peterson on how to show up for friends (meh, some interesting suggestions, very American oriented) and whether the kids are too soft (oriented towards journalism but a good question to be asking in any industry).

So much about the last 6 months of the economy (tuned out for my gardening leave, now have to catch up).

Watched

This month included Halloween so we had Practical Magic (an absolute must watch for the season for me), Beetlejuice (first time watching, more entertaining than I thought it would be), and I Married a Witch (the second you see Veronica Lake in this you understand why someone would risk their eternal soul and stay married to her)

A lot of West Wing - election season always gets me back to here, one of the best shows ever

Drop Dead Gorgeous - a fun one for a wine-filled night in with a friend

A hungover binge of Man on the Inside - sweet and cute and sad, especially if you know people who've had memory issues.

I am continuing to watch Charmed at night before bed, which is low stakes and amusing enough. Also watching Vampire Diaries, which is terrible but great fun mainly because I live text my reactions to my friend who’s already seen it while I watch, so it’s really half a friendship exercise.

Did

Attended: The ballet! Saw Encounters: Four Contemporary Ballets at the Royal Opera House which was largely eh but (1) the Royal Opera House is amazing, worth seeing anything there for the venue (and esp the bar), alone, and (2) the final piece, The Statement by Crystal Pite, was absolutely mind-blowing, one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time.

Went to three V&A Young Patrons things: Portrait Miniatures handling session (v cool), opening party for the Great Mughals (v fun), private viewing of the Great Mughals (v good, see below).

Learned to: Use hot rollers. Really recommend, they're a super easy way to look way more polished and genuinely take <10 min start to finish. I used this tutorial (and can confirm the volumizing spray she talks about is very good).

Made new friends!: Ana I think is going to be a good one, maybe Parker too. And Beatrix is a perfect tennis friend, not sure if we'll graduate beyond that.

Revarnished my outdoor furniture: trying to help it survive this winter better than last.

A lot of soaking in oxygen bleach of towels, tea towels, stained shirts, etc: getting things into shape for when I go back to work.

Went to a Thursday singles event and went on a date off the back of that: event was scary and kinda meh but I met someone so, worth it.

Found someone to play tennis with during the week (and played twice outside of drills): a big accomplishment, she’s lovely and a good player and available the same kinds of times that I am. Jackpot.

Last Month’s Goals

☑️Use all class pass classes: Actually had to buy more passes, did a lot of F45 and Qigong this month.

☑️Read a book: see Read section above.

☑️New Recipes x4: (1) Confit Chicken Legs - so good and how amazing that they keep for months, (2) Rick Bayless Slow cooker mole - a really good mole recipe (available on YouTube) with a huge amount of depth for (relatively) little work, (3) Brazilian Stroganoff - made this for the Brazilian GP (I try to make themed food for every GP) and it was decent but not my fav and I’m unlikely to make again, (4) Not proper recipes but did a lot of making my own condiments and syrups, e.g. rosemary simple syrup, pickled chillis, slow roasted cherry tomatoes.

☑️Go to a new museum: The Wallace Collection, can’t believe I haven’t been before, it’s free and lovely. The Swing is actually very cool in person, I hadn’t realized how small it is. And the recently completed conservation is wonderful, the colors are really stunning. There’s also a nice cafe. Recommend!

☑️☑️Go to an Exhibition (x2): The Great Mughals at the V&A (very interesting, lots of little details, was glad to go to private viewing with two of the curators as that added a lot), Silk Roads at the BM (incredibly good but also incredibly packed. Try to go first thing in the morning). Note: This one means a major exhibition at a museum I’ve been to before.

☑️Go to the theater: See above, Did section.

🟧Crochet: Making progress, still want to get better about doing this more regularly at night.

❌Write More: Total fail here, need to reconsider how to prioritize this and figure out what the main blockages are.

❌Lay morning foundation: Also total fail on this, probably should reconsider what's realistic for these colder months.

☑️Budget: Barely, was tougher this month. I'm ready to have income coming back in.

🟧Memorize a poem (x2): okay really this is a fail but I had to memorize a rap for Russian class so I'm counting that as a half tick.

☑️Russian flashcards: This is going better and my vocab is improving.

🟧Screen time: Better but still not good. May need to think about how to cycle this through the week / month vs blanket bans/reductions.

🟧Job prep: Unlikely to have any interviews until Jan so this has slowed down but is in progress.

Next Month’s

Carrying Over

Use all class pass passes (I expect to use less because I got home for Xmas midway through the period)

Four two new recipes (shrinking this as I will be doing less regular cooking and more holiday cooking)

Read a book

Visit a new musuem

Go to an exhibition

Go to a show (off for this month, busy start to the month and then I’ll be home)

Crochet

Write more

Morning foundation

Budget

Memorize a poem

Russian flashcards

Screentime

Job/interview prep

New

Quality time with people at home (grandmama, gran and pa, Jack, parents, Grace, Anna, M&M)

#for clarity my 'month' runs 23 to 23 so this one includes the end of oct + post of nov #monthly recap #about s

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charrfie · 2 months ago

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Ok, still salty over Two Realms (it SUCKED) so gotta ask you, how would YOU have done a third drawn to life game (I've kinda wanted one with wilfre seemingly being the antagonist at first before him either being dethroned or he was actually trying to help and fumbling it BADLY)

Ohhh I'm just so excited that people are so interested in my thoughts to the point I keep getting asks related to the topic!!!!! ^_^ Thank you it's very exciting to be able to talk to everyone like this. I don't often publicly interact with the fandom because of some bad experiences I've had in it some years ago but it seems like the environment of it has changed a lot... maybe I should be more vocal about my interest in the series? Everyone who's being so nice about it has been such a big help. That's unrelated to your question, I just wanted to express appreciation!

Now, to actually answer you lol.. I put this under a read more again since it's a little lengthy, but not NEARLY as long as my previous ask

Fellow two realms hater 🤝 It was just such a letdown idk where I would even start. The glaringly obvious answer is the actual gameplay itself what with the level design/lack of stylus being how it was but I think my personal biggest problem was the story itself. It seemed to retcon or at least gloss over a lot of the plot from previous games which not only felt clunky but overall lowered the stakes to such a degree... it made me not care about the character drama nearly as much. Which is such a shame! Drawn to life and drawn to life: the next chapter are genuinely my #1 most favorite video games to ever exist. I mean this with no exaggeration. Even if they're kind of bad. Lol. But!!! The potential that the story and characters have in the original two games completely reels me back in!!! There's SO much there, even if it's not put together with the most grace. The subject matter is so serious and something so rarely talked about, ESPECIALLY for the age demographic it was aimed towards. These characters feel so real!!! So fleshed out!!!! It's endlessly compelling!!!!!!!!

All this being said, I think what I would do is make dtl:tr a lot more character/story driven since thats such a major appeal for me in previous entries. While it's even more evident in two realms, both dtl and dtl:tnc do have levels that tend to be a big of a slog to get through in comparison to the 10 seconds of story the player might get as a reward; there would need to be more balance.

As for what this story would actually contain.... I'm a little conflicted. While I'm not the biggest fan of aldark as a villain (he kind of came out of nowhere just to fill a necessary role of "evil"), I *do* like the idea of wilfre being replaced rather than coming back again, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY like the concept of the shadow that controlled wilfre garnering the strength to present itself as a physical manifestation rather than a conduit. I don't even mind if it functions as a solely evil entity! There's something to be said for that just as there's something to be said for wilfre being more morally gray anti-hero than pointlessly evil villain. I'd love to do something in this vein, though probably leave the human world out of it? Or at least keep it very vague. The raposa world gives us as the viewers enough plausible deniability to accept ridiculous/strange events without question.... it's only because the human world is so painfully realistic that the ending of dtl:tnc has the effect it does. So needless to say that's a no on keeping it as the main storyline.

I really like your idea of wilfre trying to help and then fumbling. That's similar to what I wished for when two realms was first announced actually! I sooooo badly wanted to see him trying and failing to adjust to normalcy again post him being freed of the shadow's influence, which I talked about VERY briefly here following the games announcement. I'd love to see him trying to make amends with those he had hurt (a la "ice king apology tour" from the marcy & simon comics), rediscovering who he even is as an individual again, or parsing through what his relationship with the creator has become. It opens up for some pretty interesting conversations. Especially considering how much shit other raposa might give him when he fails to help in the way they expect him to. At the same time, I'd love to get some more dialogue on where jowee and mari are at in their lives. How mari handles leadership (as she actively struggled with it in dtl and dtl:tnc), if jowee has allowed himself to exist outside of the scope of others and their judgement/expectations, etc. The fact that those two get married at the end of two realms threw me for such a loop.... because even when nothing was actively threatening them in dtl:tr they still bickered so much? I'd really like to delve into how people can naturally grow apart as they age and come to understand they may not be right for those they grew up with, as painful as that realization may be. A remake of two realms could also be a cool way of having circi introduced into official canon since she's way too interesting of a character to be constainte to the non-canon wii game.

These are all the story changes I know for a fact I'd like. But it's hard to say definitively what the plot would be other than designating an antagonist concept and the general themes which would be at play. I'm not quite sure what or how a manifested shadow antagonist would again threaten the safety of the raposa world! I figure any retconning necessary for the raposa world to even exist in the first place could be as simple as "oh I knew we could trust the creator to establish a new world for us," which would also heavily contribute to wilfre's character struggles in a very interesting way. So that's not too big of a problem. Drawn to life has bullshitted more complicated things away than just that. I'll have to keep thinking! Maybe I can work up a proper dtl:tr rewritten au alongside the other two aus I have.

I'd love to hear other thoughts about a potential remake of two realms if anyone has them!

#drawn to life #dtl #its so freeing to talk about this series so openly again!!!!!! its insurmountably dear to me #laika answers

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dailyadventureprompts · 2 years ago

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Drafting the Adventure: Wilderness and Exploration

For a game with exploration as one of it’s “core pillars”, d&d is kinda shit at producing gameplay conducive to actually making players feel like they’re exploring.If you play it by the book travelling from point A to B often feels like a slog, and a good number of groups are completely justified in skipping it entirely and just getting to the good bits. I think the problem largely stems from trying to cram the hexcrawl/westmarches style of gameplay from d&d’s heyday into the central gameplay loop when really it should be the focus of very particular kinds of adventure. Think of a big exploration adventure the same way you’d run a heist or murder mystery, usually a one off unless you’re running a specialized campaign.

With that said, the base rules for hanging out in the wilderness are IMO in massive need of an overhaul, so we might as well overhaul those along with setting up a good guidelines for running an exploration based adventure. Before we dive under the hood and get into all those storybuilding steps and mechanics, lets look at how my system works from the players’ perspective:

In lieu of any urgent quests or fantastic job offers, a group of adventurers decide they’re going to explore the wilderness outside their settlement and look for some opportunities.

One character chats up the locals, hearing rumours of what might be going on outside the walls. The second does some research on the area and finds a few trustworthy maps to copy. Another checks the local bountyboard for outlaws and monsters it might pay to hunt down.

The party sets out, and the DM asks the party which player wants to be the group’s surveyor: keeping a list of what places the party has visited, what options are available to them, and what might need a bit more exploration.

The DM has divided the area they’re exploring into zones with names like “The forbidden peaks” or “ The merry meadows” which gives each area a strong geographic identity and makes it easy for the party to remember and gives them an idea of what to expect.

Every time the party walks into a new zone, they learn the area’s name, and how many “points of interest” are in that region. A point of interest could be anything from a unique environmental detail to the lead in to an encounter to a monster lair to the entrance to a whole dungeon. The surveyor keeps track of these points of interest, making space to write in whatever details they think are relevant.

Likewise upon entering into a new zone, the party are made aware of “landmarks” striking points of interest that are obvious to the naked eye and don’t need to be searched for. Because this group prepared before they left, they’ll likely have learned of a few more points of interest in the region based off the information they gathered.

When the party have fully explored a point of interest, the DM tells the surveyor to check off the name of that location, indicating that it’s safe and that the party can turn their attention elsewhere

When deciding where to go next, the party has two options: Set out for a specific area (one they know about or have visited before) or to Wander, poking around till they find a location they didn’t know about previously. The DM may ask for checks while the party is traveling based on the difficulty of reaching the point of interest or the particulars of the zone they’re travelling through.

Because the DM has been upfront with how many points of interest are in the zone, the party have an understandable goal of filling in a list and checking off each location. This feels like actual exploration because the party is actually making the decision of where to go and how deep to search, combining those key elements of choice and discovery that make setting out into the unknown so rewarding.

Below the cut I’m going to go into detail about how to BUILD an exploration adventure, everything from designing goals to fit your narrative needs to choosing what kind of points of interest to seed into the world .

First step: Setting Bounderies

When preparing a wilderness adventure, you’re going to settle on an area that the party is exploring and why: are they low level nobodies knocking about the countryside surrounding the starting village till the call to adventure finds them? Are they high level heroes looking to comb a vast wasteland for the location of a forgotten temple? Are they desperate survivors battling the elements as they attempt to find a pass through the deep wilderness? Obviously these will set the scale and tone of your adventure, but they’ll also help you define your boundaries: are your party moving towards a specific goal, or are they fucking around? Are they able to return to the comforts of civilization on the regular, or are they on their own? Is their exploration more of a self driven sandbox, or are they trying to find a route to a particular destination fellowship style.

Perhaps most importantly you need to ask: SHOULD this adventure be exploration focused? These sorts of adventures are a lot of work and if the party is only going to go through this region once you might be better served by just planning some encounters and pantomiming the idea of exploration in your narration.

Second step: Zoning it out

Now that you’ve settled on your region, you’re going to start cutting it up into Zones, large areas with a distinct geographic identity that will stick in your party’s mind: the area around a village might be divided by its cardinal points into fields, swamp, forest, and hills, able to be explored in any order, where as an attempt to cross the mountains might be separated into a sequence of 1) foothills 2) a choice between peaks OR caverns 3) river 4) lake. Obviously you’ll give each zone a striking name as you develop its theme that will help reinforce its identity by the time you present this to the party. I’d recommend three to six zones, as any more than that it gets hard to differentiate them from eachother.

Third step: Making lists

Now comes the fun part in designing your points of interest. I’ve found this is a two part process of brainstorming physical locations within each zone and determining what sort of encounters might happen there, though often times the latter comes before the former. It’s important to remember that an encounter is more than a fight, and fights are more than just face to face combat. Here’s some ideas to get your brainstorming started:

Generally you’ll want atleast four and a maximum of twelve points of interest per zone ( though I tend to default to six) this is not only to prevent you from having to make too much content, but also to be able to use a die to determine what random point of interest the party finds when wandering. Every 2 locations they check off your list, decrease the die size.

Between landmarks and information that a party can gather through rumour/studying maps, I’d advise having no more than half your Zone’s content discoverable before the party actually starts wandering. This is to preserve the sense of the unknown which is vital to feeling like exploration means something.

Landmarks are like billboards drawing your party to particular content, ranging from natural features like hills or rivers to ruins or statues. Use them to deliver details the party should know about the zone early.

Trails or other signs of habitation are your friend, as they allow you to tease what an encounter MIGHT be without giving things away immediately; bandit ambushes, lost travellers, local wildlife, all of these could be at the end of a trail, but it’s far easier for you to bait the party with their own curiosity than come with an obvious “this place looks like a trap, do you want to step in it?”

When it actually comes to combat encounters, I’d advise balancing how challenging the encounter is with how much forewarning the party has. Ambushes they walk right into should be easy or very easy, while medium and hard encounters should either be opt in ( seeking out a beast in its lair) or avoidable ( hiding while the chimera circles overhead)

Points of interest can have many things to discover within them, such as frontier settlements, or Structures and Caverns which can be run as small dungeons.

Some locations may act as gateways into different zones. This is particularly useful for overland travel adventures where the party has to find the right point of interest to lead them on to the next phase of their journey.

For longer explorations it’s a good idea to include “safeholds”, places the party can use as a campsite rather than roughing it in the wilderness an being exposed to the elements or the threat of random encounters.

Puzzles and scavenger hunts are amazing activities at points of interest, especially if the party needs to go somewhere else in the zone/area to solve them.

Need to express that one particular point of interest ( or perhaps a whole zone) is difficult to traverse? Have the party roll con saves to avoid exhaustion/survival checks to find a better route. You can likewise do this with stealth checks to avoid the patrol routes of enemies or the hunting grounds of vicious predators.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #5e #pathfinder #ttrpg #dm advice #dm tip #dm tips #dm tools #writing advice #homebrew #DnD Mechanics #d&d mechanics #homebrew mechanic #Wilderness #exploration #random encounters

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fandomfluffandfuck · 2 months ago

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uhm hi Mr. S can you do one like you did with Evanstan but it’s with them comforting a ftm guy? I adore your work and want to get a tattoo of some of your excerpts when i have the funds for it ❤️❤️❤️

related to this, maybe? I'm not totally sure

For reference, my ask box is no longer open for requests, but this is from before I closed it, so I will be writing for this ask.

First, hi, you're so sweet, and while it's my impulse to be like, don't do that-! My words aren't good enough for that! It is also your choice, haha. I would be interested to know what words those are 👀 I feel like all I write is silly, kinky smut, lol.

Second, being not trans myself, I'm a little hesitant to write trans characters because it's not my experience and especially with comfort for dysphoria because I worry I'll be patronizing without realizing/call more attention to something that makes someone feel worse instead of better, but, I'll try. Especially 'cause I am a big believer in the idea that if you're a writer and you flat out can't even approach writing a whole swath of people then... you're a poor writer. If you're a man writing and you can't write a woman or a nonbindary person; if you're a straight writer and you can't write a queer character; if you're a cis writer and you can't write a trans character. Like, take in research and try and see the person for being a person with universal experiences. So, if there's anything shaky in here, I apologize in advance. I'm trying!

You're dragging yourself through what feels like mud--thick and heavy--instead of air as you climb out of your car and accidentally slam the door behind you, swaying ever so slightly on your feet.

You're so fucking exhausted that you don't even realize the weight you've thrown behind the reckless, automatic movement to close the car behind you until the sound hits your ears painfully. You wince. It's too fucking loud. It's too bright outside, too. Shit, everything is too much, and you don't want a piece of it--of anything.

The only thing you want to do is nothing. You just want to lay face down on the floor and sink into the foundation of the house, fuck it, you want to go deeper than that. Forget the cold concrete, you want to retire to the earth itself with heavy, cold dirt compacted on top of you, weighing down on all sides until it doesn't matter if your flesh and bones or just bones or nothing at all.

You don't want anything at all. You're exhausted by everything. Every moment, every interaction all day at work has just been wrong. You're just fucking sick of shit. Sick of being on the phone and having people mistake you for someone you're not. Sick of co-workers tip-toeing around you and being grandly and overly apologetic. Sick of delivery people and interns and other strangers around the office making assumptions.

The entire drive home, you've tried to put it all out of your mind. Reminding yourself that at least you don't have to deal with those fucking people at home. At least, at home, you can be. Just be. But... It's hard enough to turn your work brain off as is on good days, let alone bad days where your dysphoria eats you alive--gnashing teeth inside you and hungry, teethed mouths from the outside.

It's too much.

It feels like an impossible task to slog through the mud pulling at you to get from the driver's seat of your car to your front door. As relieving as it is to see your house, your home, it's rough to get inside.

You're saved from slamming the front door by tired limbs, at least. Heavy and tired, the best you can do is use your own body to press back against the inside of the door, shouldering it closed. In a few steps, barely making it to the mouth of the entryway, then, you flatten your back to the wall and sliding down to the floor as limp as a sheet of paper floating down from where it was pushed off the edge of a desk. You fall to sit on the floor without a hint of a fuck if you're getting dirt on your ass or not, next to the shoe wrack. And, for the first time all day, you breathe out, lungs deflating with a defeated rasp.

So caught up in your tangle of teeth and hollowness and heaviness, you don't even process the sound of the TV, turned on in the living room to your right, or the muffled foot falls of one of your boyfriends to the left.

And before either boyfriend even has a chance to know what's wrong or observe that there is anything wrong in the first place--

Sebastian's head turns from where he was just facing the flat-screen TV, "hey, look what the cat dragged in," he smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling but not looking too carefully at you, keeping one eye on whatever show he's devouring.

Chris, then, appears from other side of the house, not with Sebastian chilling in the living room, catching up on TV, but about there, coming back from the kitchen, probably dumping off a drained beer bottle to the recycling. He, too, smiles at you, "hey, handsome," he thoughtlessly murmurs, going just a tiny, little ways out of his path to lean down, squeeze you with a big, burly arm around your shoulders and kiss the top of your head.

Any energy that you might normally have to poke fun back, making some comment about pussy cats or Seb's allergy to them just isn't there.

Barely, you keep yourself from further crumbling under the compliment and kiss. You're pretty crumbled as is with your back against the wall, spine curved, knees to your chest, arms crossed over your legs, wanting to crush into a ball. But... being wilted in such a way just makes everything worse. You let your arms drop from being folded over your knees. Ugh. Fuck this. You can hardly breathe with your arms squeezed into your sides, feeling your own body from your armpits, your ribs, all the way down your sides toward your hips. Fuck this.

'Handsome' coming out of Chris' mouth is the best thing you've heard all day, yet, at the same time... it feels too good to be true. If everyone on the phone and at work and strangers in your office and people on the street and everyone everywhere all the fucking time can't see you for who you're fucking supposed to be then... how do they? What if they're humoring you? What if they don't actually think that? What if--

Chris' hand is warm and heavy, solid, on your shoulder, traveling around to massage your neck, tapping at the top bone that portrudes from your neck when you hang your head. The heat of his body blazes through you as he squeezes the muscles there, lowering his voice to a quiet rumble and saying your name, your name, with enough twang for it to be a question.

He wants to know what's going on with you. He can probably guess, if he tried, but you know he wants to hear it from you. He wants to help. He's always so kind and generous and--

You can't assume anything bad of a man like him. He's geniune. Always so genuine. Open and honest. Still, you can't gather enough spirit to even lift your head. Shits fucking tough. It's just a bad day. You'd rather go to bed and try again later.

Yet, beyond the dark cavern you've made, your chin tucked, legs bunched to your chest, uncomfortable and also all you can bear to do, you hear the sounds of the sofa springs complaining as Seb extracts himself from the cozy furniture. The couch wishes he wouldn't, and you don't blame it. You too, find it terrible when Sebastian's all tucked into you and decides to move. He's the best. Kind and generous and sweet.

"Babe?" Seb asks, his careful probe directed toward you, Chris, or both. "Oh," he murmurs, probably spotting the both of you--you, crumbled, and Chris crouched and huddled in close, his hands on your neck and back, your shoulders, grounding you to this moment. "Long day?" The sound of Sebastian comes closer.

"You could say that," your voice draws up dry as if a rickety bucket pulled from a well on a spindly, fraying rope. There's no water at the bottom. Just. Empty and rough.

Chris huffs in amusement at your reply but stays close, knowing you're dead serious despite the layer of sarcasm coating your unenthusiastic words.

"Something in particular or, just, all of it?" Sebastian, again, sounds closer, drawn in by a rope. You're both grateful for it and a little worse off, drawing him in like this. In the same way that you spiral thinking that maybe they see you the same wrong way everyone else sees you, you can easily go off the deep end feeling as though you're being a burden. It takes effort to recall all the times they've assured you of the opposite. You're not sure you have the energy now.

Today.

"Ugh," you groan, feeling goosebumps lift on your skin, across your whole damn body thinking about it--feeling the toll of your whole day and the friction between you and everything else within it, "every minute of it."

"Anything we can do?" Chris asks, scooting closer, getting comfortable. He would stay here for the rest of the night if you wanted him to. Sebastian, too. They're both so good. Good to you.

"I don't know," you say, even while shaking your head no. It's hard, just, it's you. It's something that they can't reach inside you and touch--not something they can tinker with and fix. Unfortunately.

It's a pit in the center of your chest that's dark and hollow yet heavy, and it runs veins down your entire body, entangling you with knotted lines of thread, dragging you down like a deep sea fishing net. As nice as it is when they do offer you obvious reassurance and say how handsome you are and how strong you are and nonverbally feather their fingertips over your jaw or shoulders to show you how much they happen to love the body you, on your worst days, hate and feel completely alien from, or when they ask to borrow your cologne 'cause it smells nice or when they share clothes with you or anything else that's overt that reminds you you're an inarguable man to them, and a desirable man at that, sometimes... it can also get to be too much.

Sometimes, it reverts back in your head. Too much of a good thing? Like. It becomes--it becomes... it... it's something else. It's hard to even describe. They know that, which is why Chris is asking now. Sometimes exactly what you need is to be told you're strong and handsome and everything of the sort. And, sometimes, it's a call out that brings attention to how fragile you already feel. It can be everything you want, a barrage in the best way, or it can be your worst enemy. Though, when they ask when you can't handle all the compliments, your brain contorting them into something backward and demeaning--even though that's not true and you know that--it makes you feel that much more defeated.

It makes you feel more defeated now.

It fucking sucks that they can't help.

You would prefer if you could take it, if they could just say two things each and your day would be more normal, but...

That's not it. Not every day.

Today is a slog.

"What about..." Sebastian starts, trying to think of something to offer while Chris jumps in--

"Sweat it out?"

"Chris!" Seb squawks.

"What?" Chris asks, probably turning around to look up at him.

"Down boy," Seb huffs out a gentle, slightly scandalized laugh. You can picture him shaking his head, burying his face in his hands, even though you're not looking at him.

That makes Chris snort, catching the accidental innuendo he said now that it's been called out. He pats your knee apologetically, "I promise I meant the gym," he pauses, "unless-?"

With half a laugh stuck halfway up your throat, you manage a parroted, "down boy." Locker rooms, sweating from every place, being surrounded by mirrors that show your every angle, and a whole fuck ton of other men surrounding you, probably cis men, tricking you into comparing yourself to them, sounds like your personal version of the ninth circle of hell right about now. Thee worst thing. You know Chris genuinely enjoys working out--it makes him feel good, it makes him feel strong, it makes him feel like a man--so it's sweet of him to offer. But. Not today.

"Woof woof," Chris answers you and Sebastian, all that good, Boston-boy sincerity and goofiness.

"Hmm," Seb thinks out loud, "how about Chris skips the gym, and you two watch TV with me instead? I'm basically done with the episode I'm watching anyway. We can start something fresh. We'll get pj's and throw the couch blankets in the dryer to warm up and settle in."

"Way to be transparent, Sebastian," Chris teases softly, "using his bad day as an excuse to hold us hostage until we're as stockholmed into your weird, scary documentaries as you are."

"Noooo," Seb whines.

You crack a half-smile.

"Uh-huh, sure, baby," Chris quips, "we got your number, don't we, babe?" Chris drums his piano-playing fingers on your knee.

Their back-and-forth fills the space, pleasant, familiar, and boisterous, and shakes loose an agreeing, "yup" from within your chest. You don't feel quite so choked now. Its easier with them. It always is. They can't fix everything but they make it all seem less fucking tiring.

"See? He's on my side. Two against one, Seb." You can hear Chris' bearded smile.

You don't need to look up to know that Seb has a light blush staining his face or to know that his mouth is hanging open slightly. Just thinking about it pulls a chuckle out of you. They're idiots. But, your idiots who've offered to keep you company.

Now and always.

You'd be an idiot to not take them up on it.

"Okay," you sigh, not because you're put out, but because your shit, unfitting day of no one recognizing you is slowly cracking and peeling off from the inside of your too-tight body. "TV and blankets," you're distracted enough by Sebastian's suggestion and the opportunity to pull Seb's head into your lap to massage his scalp until he all but purrs like a kitten while Chris' head ends up on your shoulder, half on your chest, making you feel big and protective, that your traitorous mind doesn't remember to feel fragile or little while Chris grabs your hand to pull you to your feet. You know it's not because he thinks you can't do it yourself. It's because he cares for you. You. He sees you. He looks at you and sees you. Just--

"No disturbing documentaries at least three hours before bed but up until then..."

"Fair game?" Seb tilts his head to the side, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Fair game," you agree. "Just none later, you can't go giving Chris nightmares again." You feel good enough to join in with their good-natured teasing.

"That was one time!" Chris whines, clutching onto your hand as if pleading with you to let it go.

"One time too many, scaredy-cat," Sebastian rolls his eyes.

Chris sticks his tongue out because he's an actual man-child. But, he's distracted easily, saying, "so... if we're cuddling and spending the rest of the night on the couch, no workouts, then... snacks?"

That makes you laugh, "snacks," you nod, "fuck it, you might as well call it a cheat day, break out the jellybeans, too."

"Jellybeans?" Seb stops in his tracks from where he was heading to the bedroom, walking away, "we have jellybeans, and no one thought to tell me?"

"I thought you'd know by now 'cause this guy--" you shove Chris softly, stumbling towards the bedroom and comfortable clothes "--can't fucking live without 'em. He's half candy, don't you know?"

"That's true," Seb agrees in the same moment that Chris retorts--

"It's just means I'm sweet."

"Shut up," you joke, light for what the first time since you rolled out of bed this morning.

I hope that was what you wanted! <3

#asks #fandomfluffandfuck #chris evans #sebastian stan #chris evans x sebastian stan x you #evanstan x you #evanstan #rpf #real person fanfiction #x reader #chris evans x reader #sebastian stan x reader #x male reader #x trans male reader #x transmasc reader

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bellaxgiornata · 8 months ago

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Do you have any tips for people who really enjoy writing fanfiction but struggle to actually get themselves to write it? Like I love writing specific scenarios in my head (mainly because that’s what I really want to read but no one else has written that yet) but I struggle to actually just get the motivation to do it, so my ideas just stay in my brain as a “I want to write this” and then the interest dies off and it never gets written.

I completely understand this feeling so much. Before I started writing in the Daredevil fandom I often just daydreamed in-depth scenarios in my head. I usually wanted to write them into stories but then I just...never did it. Even though I have been writing different fanfics in different fandoms for a really long time, I more often than not just created up scenarios that lived in my head and then that was it because I never wrote them down. So nothing ever came of them and I was never able to share them with anyone. I could have written so many more things if I'd just sat down and tried.

(As always, I'm long winded so more below the cut 😅)

In all honesty when this happens, I think the best thing to do is just that. Just sit down in front of a blank document and free write whatever comes to you. Take the pressure off of yourself first and foremost, though--you don't have to share whatever comes out with anyone. Don't tell yourself that it has to be good, either. Have literally zero expectations for whatever ends up on the page. More often than not, that really helps the words start to flow. When you sit there and nitpick how you're starting a sentence or a scene or a word choice, that's when you start second guessing everything and that can often lead to thoughts like "I can't do this" or "no one will read this" or the classic "I suck at this" (which I still hear in my head some days). Ignore all that bullshit and just focus on whatever it is that's in your head--a conversation between some characters, maybe an entire scene you've had playing out in your mind, a fight scene, or whatever it is that you're currently excited about. Just sit down and try to get it out with no expectations. Because you can absolutely always come back to it and edit it up how you want after the fact and make it into a story or a one shot or whatever if you want, but the hardest part is just getting something out on a page.

But truthfully, the only way to write something is to make yourself sit down and do it. I don't know of any other tips to give besides that. Sure, you can make a playlist or a mood board for the vibe of a story or a character. You can make outlines of what you're seeing in your head that'll give you bullet points of what you picture happening. But really you just have to get excited enough about whatever it is that's on your mind and write it. And I think that's part of the beauty of writing fanfic when you do share it and people interact with it. The commentary and interaction from readers is what helps keep the excitement for a story alive for the writer, which then gives us that necessary motivation to keep coming back to work on a story. Because any writer will tell you that sitting down and getting the words out is hard. Some days it sucks and you have to slog through it to keep going, but that's just a part of the process. Over time it becomes a habit, though.

Hopefully any of that somewhat helped, but unfortunately there isn't some magic answer to make it easier to get started. Having other writers to talk to about your ideas really helps, too. Or just someone to talk with/at about whatever is on your mind. Breaking an entire fic idea into chunks chapter by chapter helps if you're making a big story, but just picking a starting point and writing it is your best bet. I actually first wrote the entirety of Marci and Fog's wedding for FFTD and then worked my way backwards afterwards to start that huge ass series. It all started with those two installments and the idea/scene in my head that I didn't get to until "The Breaking Point" far later. So you can absolutely just start with an idea and expand on it. But unfortunately, you kind of just have to force yourself to start somewhere 😅

#bella answers #writing fanfic #you kind of just have to force yourself to do it #i wish there was a magic solution for creating motivation though #because id be all over that

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dangerously-human · 16 days ago

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What a beautiful blessing of a morning at church! Teaching my preteens went unusually well and I had a lot of opportunities to "catch them being good," despite having a very tough class this year - granted, a smaller group than normal today, but they got it with our lesson on generosity, both the story about Elijah and the widow who trusted God to provide when he commanded her to give the last of her flour and oil and how to live boldly generous lives themselves. Plus, holy cow, they gave me an opening by their own understanding to talk about how obeying their Sunday school teachers is obeying God, because it's his command to honor the authorities he places over us! This year's class has been blowing my mind, even the ones who are so incredibly disrespectful do love Jesus and want to learn, they're asking good questions and connecting incredible dots, they just need love with good boundaries. Which, incidentally, was the subject of an absolutely fire sermon this morning - we've been doing a series on mountain imagery in the Bible and today was all about God's holiness and why he gave us the law. So, so good, and so, so needed - and very similar to my conversation with my kiddos about authority and ordained order. Got to catch up with a newly married friend about her wedding last weekend, and one of my littles (who I miss teaching more often, even if I totally get that I'm needed more with our older classes) paused in her pinballing around the sanctuary before second service to say hello with a big hug. I had the opportunity to bless and be blessed in a lot of ways this morning, and I was once again reminded just how known I am in this church and by the Lord we gather to worship together. After slogging through a couple discouraging Sundays in a row, that was a beautiful, joyful reminder!

#personal

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fandom-shitposter · 11 months ago

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Why do we have to slog through 50 layers of heavily applied references in every current Star Wars show?

Because it's a smokescreen trying to make us dismiss the ones which point out the actual underlying story. Which is the exact same story we already know only from a slightly different angle and using clones and technology instead of Jedi since, you know, that's not really an option anymore

The story of a child living on a backwater planet who lives solely with their mother, a child who has an amazing talent for machinery and builds their own droid(s), who gets to run off with a bunch of men (their new 'family') for a far more exciting life which ultimately leads to devastation after they made some really bad life choices because they don't want to accept death as a factor of life

And yeah, I do realise how basically stripped down that description is

First we meet the small child, then we meet them again when they're older and getting all trained up (even if it is done as more of a Dooku/Ventress thing second time around)

And then they hit their final stage where they never ever take their helmet off until the very end of things, and neither of them are using their own speaking voice

Cue the supposed 'shock' ending and a bunch of Disney execs patting themselves on the back for no one seeing it coming

Each OG role has been divided up between 2-3 current characters so Omega can help Mommy out by building a cyborg to mimic Anakin building C3PO but she hasn't had the opportunity or ability to do the equivalent of killing the Jedi in the temple, that part was farmed out to someone else regardless of whether they stated it on that specific show yet. It already happened and we saw it previously

Tech can stand in for Obi-Wan disliking her flying style, teaching her the skills she'll need to survive and dealing with her on an emotional level (with the assistance of the rest of the 'family' like the Jedi would have supported Anakin), but the big Anakin vs Obi-Wan fight at the end of season 1 was acted out by Hunter and Crosshair instead and since Echo already lost the appropriate number of limbs which that fight claimed before becoming a cyborg there was no need to repeat it

Unfortunately they've spent so much time on cramming in the surface level references into all of these shows, bending existing characters into shapes that don't fit them (*cough* Ahsoka show *cough*), obscuring the details and dropping any inconvenient parts of former canon they don't like that it's all become a little bit overblown and boring.

The makers of Star Wars just can't get past the Anakin Skywalker story no matter how big the SWU is or how many far more interesting tales there are to tell in it. How many promising looking shows have been cancelled or lost to development hell to focus on this instead?

Just last year Dave Filoni claimed that Anakin was the best Jedi ever (or something like that) and we all laughed at him for it. So why did he claim it in the first place? Who was he trying to convince? Are we just supposed to watch these shows and decide that Disney are doing it better than Lucas ever could? Just what is the point here?

Apart from money, obviously

#the bad batch #ahsoka show #the mandalorian #anakin skywalker #tbb omega #star wars #ambitious but ultimately bloated and a little bit dull #she's playing palpatine as well #but due to the divided role thing she isn't the only one #all the key players are represented though #ventress grievous mace windu hondo ohnaka etc

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isekai-crow · 11 months ago

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2024 Winter Anime Lineup (Master Post?)

First post for a new blog where I'm going to try and record my opinions, break downs, comparisons, and various degrees of squees about anime!

The lineup for this year's Winter isn't as packed as the 2023 Fall season was, but that's always the case. It sure is still causing my To Watch List to keep getting longer... but more importantly because it's so lacking in big name shows one of my most anticipated shows gets to shine...

SOLO LEVELING

俺だけレベルアップな件

LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MY SHADOW BOY TO FINALLY ARRIVE!!!

also, holy CRAP look at all this TRADITIONAL FANTASY!!! There is even a decent selection of non harem Isekai this round too! And a lot of awesome sequels/continuations!

Anyways, here's what's on my to watch list for this season! I'll be posting about them in their own or other threads as I figure out how I want to set this blog up. My reasons for WHY I'm watching what I'm watching

Definitely Will Watch!

Solo Leveling / 俺だけレベルアップな件

Apothecary Diaries /薬屋のひとりごと(Continued)

Delicious in Dungeon (Dungeon Meshi) / ダンジョン飯

The Villains Day Off / 休日のわるものさん

Undead Unluck / アンデッドアンラック(Continued)

Fire Hunter (Hikari no Ou) 2nd Season / 火狩りの王

High Hopes / Might Drop / Taking My Time

Sasaki and Peeps / 佐々木とぴーちゃん

The Witch and the Beast / 魔女と野獣

Doctor Elise / 外科医エリゼ

Cherry Magic (THIS ENGLISH TITLE LMAO) / 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい (DEF WATCHING THIS ONE NOW)

Shangri-La Frontier / シャングリラフロンティア　(Continued)

Beyond Journey's End / 葬送のフリーレン (Continued)

Gonna Give Them A Few Episodes

Mashle Season 2

Fluffy Paradise / Isekai de Mofumofu Nadenade Suru Tame ni, Ganbattemasu (I'm doing my best in another world to pet fluffy creatures)

Ishura

The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic / 治癒魔法の間違った使い方

Blue Exorcist / Ao no Exorcist (OUT OF LEFT FIELD THIS ONE)

Delusional Monthly Magazine / Gekkan Mousou Kagaku

This is already insanely long, so the second half of this essay about what I think is below ↓↓↓↓

DEFINITE WATCH LIST

SOLO LEVELING - I've been waiting for the solo leveling anime since BEFORE the anime was ever announced, re-reading the webcomic/manhwa multiple times and just HOPING someone would animate these gorgeous shadows. It is a very well done power fantasy with only squints of romance, and while I'm sad it's been localized to Japan (and all the fuckery that comes with of Korean erasure), I got to see the first two episodes at the World Premiere and I. Am. So. Hype.

APOTHECARY DIARIES existed completely outside of my head space, and my initial response at the premise was, Raven of the Inner Palace? I wasn't actually expecting much from it and then the first few episodes BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER and now I'm obsessed.

DUNGEON MESHI is one of those manga I've heard about, but tried reading and it was too slow paced for me (I say, currently slogging through The Boat Arc (TM) of Hunter x Hunter), but the anime gives it life and I think I'll enjoy this alot. I love cooking anime and fantasy, so this will be fun!

KYUJITSU NO WARUMONOSAN is just straight up Crow Bait. That curly bowl cut, the gap moe of a villain who loves cute things, and voiced by fricken Shintarou Asanuma!!! (I know him as Samatoki from HypMic, other's will know him from the "Fucking Bullshit" song from Carole and Tuesday, and a host of other roles) Also, all the pretty sentei / power ranger boys!!! I'm so hype, in the most relaxed chill way for this.

UNDEAD UNLUCK is so weird in that it involves a lot of random sexualization, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable like Seven Deadly Sin's random gropping did, maybe because there is actual implied consent involved. Fuuko and Andy are Poly and I love them for it. And the world building is TOP NOTCH.

FIRE HUNTER - If you haven't seen season one, you are missing out. A darkly beautiful post-post apocolyptic alternate Japan-esque world, from the POV of a young girl, and a young genius boy having to let himself be manipulated by capitalism to survive, and gods? a magic system? but so soft that it's barely there even while being a full on fantasy story.

High Hopes or Taking My Time

SASAKI AND PEEPS- What a weird little show that has the weirdest combination of isekai, the most "this is fine." salaryman, and a fricken' CHUNIBYO BIRB. I've already watched the first episode and it feels like there are two magic systems going on and its a bit confusing, so we will see how this plays out!

WITCH AND BEAST - I keep wanting to call this Beauty and the Beast, because the beast is a rad bad ass looking lady, and the witch is certainly one of the most beautiful undertakers I've ever seen. I think he carries his boyfriend around in his coffin backpack, so I'm hype to see WTF is up with that >o>

DOCTOR ELISE - Why do manhwa I read keep randomly popping up as anime??? This is a vilainess turned good story, and supposedly the market is full of these, but none of them are the good ones I've read, so I did a double take of happiness when I saw this. THIS ONE IS GOOD. An spoiled princess gets killed, is reborn in Korea and becomes a doctor, only to be killed by Airplane-kun, and winds up back in her old body where she decides to become a doctor again! The prince is even not your typical icy asshole! (although maybe he is a little at the beginning..)

CHERRY MAGIC - THIS FRICKEN ENGLISH TITLE GOOD LORDS ABOVE. I'm dying. I'm also excited to see this one play out and I'll be hiding behind a pillow giggling like a mad lad while I do. It's been a while since there's been a good BL that's not SAD (looking at YOU Given and Banana Fish, but avoids eye contact with Sasaki and Miyano) so hopefully it doesn't dip into that territory. Going into this one mostly blind as to the premise apart from the obvious Gap-Moe with the love interest.

SHANGRI-LA - I started watching this on a whim as the Fall season started to wind down, and found it to be a good potato chip to have on in the background. I'll probably continue watching it, but not weekly.

FRIEREN - This is what I watch when Jujutsu Kaisen hurts too much to keep going. I'm only a few episodes in, so it'll be slow going, but I think it's about to pick up it's pacing a little where I'm at, and it'll be good comfort food to have.

MAYBES

Mashle Season 2 - The pacing was SUPER WEIRD in the first season that despite all of it's shitting on the properties of she-who-shall-not-be-named, the end of the season kind of fell flat. I wanted to like it more, so I'm hoping Season 2 does that for me.

Fluffy Paradise - I love isekais with an adult in a child's body pretending to be just super smart, and this doesn't feel like it's going to do that, but still looks cute none the less. I'll give it a few episodes, but will quickly drop it if my watch list is too long.

Ishura - Is this what life is like for D&D Characters when they hit level 20? I HOPE SO. I LOVED the Legend of Vox Machina, and hope this has the same sort of vibes, but I'm going in blind!

The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic - Love me some fucked up healing magic. Please DO NOT let this be ANYTHING like Redo Healer. I refuse to watch that even those FUCKED UP HEALING MAGIC IS FUN. But this. This I want to see. Please let this also not be a harem. I'm fine with ~vibes~ but please no actual harem that's not actually Poly.

Blue Exorcist - THIS IS TOTALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?????? I remember the last season feeling like a disappointment? But can't remember why? Gonna see if this is worth re-watching the seasons from like... a decade ago.

Delusional Monthly Magazine - I watched the PV and had no fucking clue what was happening. Therefore, I will be watching a few episodes to sate my curiosity about WTF OR possibly just get myself even more confused and rage quit. lmao

I've watched the first few episodes of a couple of these, and will be watching a few more tomorrow, so Next Goal: Post a write up or three about what I think!

#anime #anime winter 2024 #apothecary diaries #solo leveling #sousou no frieren #undead unluck #cherry magic #sasaki and peeps #dungeon meshi #mr. villain's day off #mashle #kusuriya no hitorigoto #frieren #beyond journey's end #ore dake level up na ken #delicious in dungeon #masterpost

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popculturebuffet · 10 months ago

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Transformers More than Meets the Eye Retrospective: Intermission: Robots in Disguise Season 1 Retrospective (Patreon Review for Brotoman.EXE)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my More than Meets the Eye retrospective. Kinda. For those of you just joining us for the past two years i've been doing a retrospective of the Transformers comic More than Meets the Eye, one of my faviorite comics ever. While it is as a patreon review i've been more than happy to and in december we hit the end of season 1.

So now.. we're in a weird in between place, as season 1 for MTMTE is over.. but we still have a big crossover event left. And to judge said event fairly.... I realzied I had to go back and re-read Robots in Disguise to properly gage said event.

Yeah i've never been a huge fan of the 2012 comic Robots in Disguise. See I first read RiD AFTER More than Meets the Eye, having loved what I could read of MTMTE and wanting more. This... wasn't the right mindset in hindsight as the two works are completely diffrent beasts: MTMTE is about a found family of disfunctional robots trying to move on from war, making quips, and dealing with their trauma. It is a LOT of things I love in fiction: a bunch of misfits who don't really fit into the society their a part of, clever jokes, spectacular world building, and minor characters given their day in the sun. It feels at times like the book was made for me, down to repadeatly homaging one of my faviorite covers of all time. It was easy to love it and it only grows as I dig into it.

RID in contrast.. is an attempt at a morally grey prestige drama that on paper is about the sacrifices and compromises the autobtos make trying to rebuild cybertron, and in practice is about a weak willed useless jackass, his jackbooted best friend, a well meaning non combatant who means well but also is judgey as fuck, and Starscream, who easily outmanuvers them because a sock full of quarters with googly eyes on it could out manuver them. Wheeljack and Blur are also there and they are delightful but not used nearly enough . I gave the book an honest chance and was badly disapointed, and I gave it a second chance despite utterly dreading this.. and was once again disapointed. RiD is just not very good.

Now i'll give some caveats: the book DOES get better in season 2, with a fresh cast and premise that work decently. It's not on MTMTE"s level.. but I respect writer John Barber and IDW for seeing what they fucked up and course correcting. Barber's work isn't my forte, but the guy isn't terrible an does have his fans for a reason, I just prefer More than Meets the Eye and Windblade more, with Windblade being a second, much more succesful stab at IDW doing an intrigue on cybertron book, one i'll defintely cover at some point. It helps Windblade got most of the standouts from this book as supporting cast, but it's genuinely good and worth your time. None of this makes season 1 GOOD, by any stretch, but I wanted to get it out of the way that YES the series gets better. But you can also largely skip season 1 or read the wiki without loosing much for either RiD Season 2 or Windblade.

That being said.. Season 1 is a mess. It wasn't that pleasant to re read despite it's bright spots and it took a while to get through, an utter chore to slog through this one. One of the only bright sides is it taught me I CAN review a whole series in one post again.. just probably in smaller doses than my last attempt with new teen titans, which was great but just about killed me. So other series I dislike like All New All Diffrent X-Men, Dan Slott's fantastic four or Jason Aaron's avengers are now more within my grasp to actually tear apart at some point.

For now though let's focus on THIS disapointing series, see why it is and also talk a lot about how much this version of Bumblbee sucks and this version of Starscream fucking slaps.

Do You Have Any Clue What Happens Now?

Like more than Meets the Eye, Robots in Disguise kicks off with the Death of Optimus Prime, a one shot setting up both series and dealing with the aftermath of Chaos, the big event that ended the previous era of IDW and allowed a soft reset for this one.

So as a quick recap since it's been a long time since I tackled this issue: The War is Over. At long lost the Autobots defeated the evil forces of the decpitcons after all of them were combined by an elder god into one giant deciptigod and Megatron disappeared after hyjacking it.

The problem is what comes next which is a great hook and part of what makes MTMTE works: the war is over.. but unlike most transformers stories that get to end the war, we see what happens now everyones free.

The Autobots take command.. but it's not going wella s Optimus Prime finds out: the planet has reverted to a primal state and thousands of civlians, dubbed nails by the autobots and something the nails aren't fond of, have arrived and the vast majority of them want the Autobots to fuck off their planet.

The Nails.. are one of the biggest wasted opportunities of Robots in Disguise. The IDEA is good: a bunch of bots who either fled one of the two sides or managed to opt out entirely return and aren't happy with the planet or military leadership. It's a concept with a lot of depth as on the one hand the autobots have a point

While the Nails had every right to nope out of a war they were tired of, the Autobots fought long hard and lost a lot to get to this point and blaming them for something that's objectively not their fault, the planet going bonkers, isn't remotely fair. On the other.. the nails have every right ot want the planet back and to want a part in it, and to want leadership that isn't just the autobots.

The problem is the conflict is handeled with the subtley of a sledgehammer and thus BOTH sides come off as assholes: The Autobots make up an embarassing faction name for them, push them around and Prowl goes into a creepy tirade about how this isn't "Their" planet and they didn't fight in the war and later sics the deciptcons on them afte rthey agree to get explosives put in their brains.

The Nails Meanwhile spend the start of the sreies, especially the death of optimus prime bitching at the autobots, treating them as facists, and treating them all like they were complicit in the senates corruption, which only gets more galling after season 1 of MTMTE as most were fully against it.. they just couldn't do anything about it. Neither could you guys. It dosen't help they HANG OPTIMUS PRIME IN EFFIGY for the crime of STAYING AROUND ON A PLANET HE JUST SAVED.

The lack of nuance makes me just.. not care about most of both sides: The Autobots come off like their trying to consolidate power and remain in charge because they feel owed it, while the Nails blame them for everything. We COULD have had a good story abotu trying to perserve the past while acknowldging it's flaws and making a better present, but instead it's just the nails either whining or making entirely valid points that the autobots, mostly prowl, try to police brutality away because they can't accept they shoudlnt' be running things.

In the middle of all this Perciptor examines the matrix and finds a map, with Drift seeing it as a map to the mythical knights of cybertron and wanting to go on a quest to find it. Rodimus agrees, while Bee wants them to stay here and be miserable dammit because he is. While on paper Rodimus is running away from his problems in practice.. he defintely is but makes a valid point: Why SHOULD he stay on a planet that doesn't want him. And when Ultra Magnus joins with them, he makes a valid point: finding the knights could find something to fix cybertron. While Rodimus' hopes finding the knights will fix everything is a pipe dream, those are Rodders faviorite kind, their not wrong to want to find a solution that isn't just "Try and make this work" and forcing people who genuinely dont' WANT to help you to do what you say isn't healthy. This isn't a war for all time: it's just a disagremeent about what you want to do now your free of the war.

Optimus ends their squabble by giving them each half the matrix and fucking off, deciding to shed his former mane and his planet. The Lost Light leave despite Bumblebee's bitch crying.. and then seemingly blow up.

And this is where RiD begins, our cast is barely holding Cybertron together, aren't adressing their problem and now they assume the lost light is dead. So what does this add up to?

Okay TECHNICALLY this isn't true: Bumblebee sets up a state funeral for the bots, which is Starscream's first big platform to worm his way into high command, and Wheeljack brings him up once... but really you could take this subplot out and replace the big shindig with something else and nothing would change.

In contrast the messy takeoff... is VITAL to More Than Meets The Eye: the explosion it causes sends a good chunk of lost lighters to the planet bellow, brings skids on board when they investigate the planet, and brings the sparkeater on board to set those up for much later. And that's not even getting into how the opening arc of season 2 follows up on it, which i'll save for when we get there. Here.. they just sorta assume their friends are dead, don't bother investigating or thinking that MAYBE a ship with a quantum engine did some weird shit. It's to the point that when Optimus is told during his sub plot, his response... is to not remotely buy Rodimus could be killed that easy and assume they'll find them eventually. Which.. they do.

There's also just.. legistics. I know this is a pair of comics about giant robots, science isn't strictly followed nor should it be. But if the lost light exploded.. there would be debris. And they HAVE plenty of ships. Someone could investigate. If the Nails think the autobots REALLY commited this sort of execution, as their said to outright suspect including their rep in the main cast metalhawk, then .. why would NONE of the thousands of bots with functioning space ships look into it. Or the deciptcons once their brain explode chips are turned off. It feels like an excuse to just have the two not interact.. which they already had being out of range and with Blaster spending the season getting coms up and running again.

Anyways the series proper mostly follows Autobot high command as they try to run this planet/prevent anyone else from doing so. Like the lost light exploision this is a possibly intresting hook... that's utterly bungled. They do do things with it.. but they don't do them well. And the best way to get into that is with the characters starting with their supreme leader

Bumblebee: He's Tried Nothing and He's All Out of Ideas

The idea of Bumblebee being forced to take charge of the autobots is a great one. Tranformers has gone to this well three times i'm aware of, and it's a concept worth exploring taking what's essentially the team's kid brother and forcing him to take the throne and see if he can make it.

IDW's last attempt before this wasn't great, with Bee making a deal with the goverment that backfired horribly, and generally acomplishing nothing. So trying AGAIN.. was a smart move. It was worth a second try.

Unfortunately... Barber entirely bungled that second attempt. Bumblebee is TECHNICALLY leader of cybertron.. but really dosen't try to lead. He lets prowl do whatever he wants and whatever prowl wants is usually some form of police brutality, he argues with metal hawk but tends not to have an argument other than "the autobots aren't all bad mkay" or "All decipticons deciptisuck", and he overworks poor sweet Wheeljack, fostering all their super science shit on him and being mad when the guy is doing work of his own. It's VERY transparent in every scene he's in Bumblebee wants peace with the Nails not because it's the right thing.. but simply so the autobots can hold onto the planet. While the Nails are often written as overreacting assholes, as the book goes on they mellow out and most of their actions are entirely... justifable. Their horrified Prowl put bombs in the decipticons brains, they don't want police brutality, they want to actually elect a leader.

Every move Bee makes is to keep himself in charge despite not having a single fucking idea what he's doing. I could buy him as a leader if he tried.. leading: Tried finding homes for the Nails, making actual negotations with the decpticons, send out a party to go tame the primal planet so they can expand iacon , actually hammer out a government. There's a LOT to building a whole new world after a war, it's the reason Hamilton got an entire, incredibly gripping act out of all the nation building. But instead RiD just ignores the intresting idea of rebuilding cybertron's goverment and how it governs itself from scratch and just focuses on Bee whining or various things that happen for the plot. And by doing so it makes Bumblbee and those loyal to him come off like power grabbing assholes who care more about being appricated for fighting the war and less about making a better world to live in or even making the world LIVEABLE.

What makes this so galling though is how the narrative treats bee: characters talk about his "great vision" failed or say he might win the election. That last part is Prowl/Bombshell playing Bee, more on that in a minute, but most of the cast talks his ass up when really he's just a guy way in over his head, which could be intresting to explore.. but they just.. DON'T. Instead we just follow a bland dithering jackass as he fucks up till eventually someone smarter, with more charisma and an actual plan takes his place. But before we can get to them.. let's talk about the most punchable face in Autobot high command

Fuck Prowl

Yeah I tried to make a clever title here, I really did.. but most attempts lead to a storm of profanity as I genuinely detest this version of Prowl. And as a reminder like bumblebee it's JUST the IDW comics version. Animated Prowl slaps. Prowl's G1 deisgn is great. I'm sure there are other prowls who don't suck all joy out of a page when they show up or are the poster boy for why we need police reform despite doing a police on a whole other planet. I"d like to meet them. But this prowl is one of my least faviorite characters in fiction. In fact I can't bleivei I didn't add him to my jjall before now.

Welcome Home Prick!

Now I will give one caveat to this character: Part of the problem is the multitude of writers: James Roberts, who wanted Prowl for his cast, wrote prowl as a giant asshole who could never let the war go and got two people killed with his overlord scheme. Nick Roche wrote prowl as a scheming asshole who paranoidly plots. And tha'ts not even getting into his asshole characterization in books BEFORE this era.

John Barber.. dosen't walk either of these back, but wants Prowl to be a complex symapthetic figure, someone who is a calculating draconian asshole.. but who was driven there by his betryal by spike in the previous ongoing, and who badly WANTS to do the right thing. The problem is rather than make prowl a layered intresting character.. he instead comes off as an asshat who constantly tries to justify the horrible shit he does as "for the greater good"

It's not helped that Prowl's first scenes in this era leave a truly terrible first impression: The first things we see from prowl are

Him bitching about the nails and being absolutely LIVID at their suggestion the autobots leave the planet, not because it's a stupid unfair suggestion, but because he feels OWED the planet and was also once nearly one himself.

Conscripting the Decipticons into his own private army he uses to try and supress a riot from the Nails, instead making it ten times worse and only not getting anyone killed because Optimus steps in.

In MTMTE, trying to convince Chromedome to stay so he can use his ex boyfriend to do mnemosurgery, something Chromedome VERY much dosen't want to do, mocking his current boyfriend and then flipping a table like a petulant teenager when Chromedome walks out on his ass.

Using Arcee as his own personal hit squad , having her assitnate ratbat then trying to act like he didn't ask her to do that.

It's.. nigh impossible to come back form all of that and Prowl really dosen't. He spends the season brainwashed by Bombshell, in part thanks to trying to blackmail Chromedome and forgetting "oh yeah he can do mind things to me".. and NO ONE notices. He's horrified by that fact, but it's VERY telling that the only action of his that was hintingly out of character.. was telling bumblebee he could win the election. GENUINELY supporting his friend instead of trying to talk over him... is something that was a HINT he was brainwashed and the only thing people felt off. Said brainwashing also feels like it came out of nowhere, with not the slightest hint, and feels like a way to soft reset the character... which then fails as he spends season 2 once again out of his head... and once again in a way that isn't remotely out of character. I don't blame prowl for what he did under bombshell for most of the sries, he was brainwashed. But it's DAMMING that he did enough in ONE VOLUME before being hypnotized to earn my ire. More than Meets the Eye dosen't HELP nad IS a diffrent writer.. but even under Barber he's just the worst and I don't look forward to seeing more of him during Dark Cybertron and beyond. I DO look forward to seeing him hurled off a cliff.

All Hail Starscream:

Taking a break from pure, unyielding rage for a second, let's talk about something the book does right. I may be giving John Barber a LOT of crap this review.. but I can't deny he writes the best Starscream. There are other great starscreams from the hilarously over the top unsubtle 84 version, to the compitent but still hilarously shady animated verison and i'm sure i'll only find more as I watch more shows. Starscream rocks. But this one takes all that and asks a question: What happens when you take Starscream out of war and put him where his lying and scheming are an asset and his bad past is a non factor if he can lie hard enough: Politics.

While the autobots drown post war, trying to find their place.. Star scream swims like a majestic dolphin. Granted he's a Majestic Dolphin who still gets shit on a lot as it's starscream and everyone knows not to trust him and he has to work hard for his schemes for the most part... but he's still FAR more at home here than he ever was trying to usurp megatron. With the Decpticons, might made right: Megatron was on top because he was a great tactician, sure, but he was also capable of kicking anyone's ass who dared defy him, and had a death squad just for making a gruesome example out of anyone who betrays or tries to leave the cause. While Starscream was strong he couldn't muslce out megs or the various destructive douchebags he hired.

In contrast on Cybertron post war... he simply has to outthink and outspeak his opponents, who even if they weren't mostly fuck ups, still aren't really public speakers. Starscream first weasles his way into command with a few simple moves: He goes to the autobots in good faith, which they rightfully don't buy, tells them about a planned false flag attack by ratbat.. then once he's foiled, steps onto the stage at the funeral the attack was taking place at and boldly offer shimself as a formerish decipticon representive. While Bee never trusts the guy, for good damn reason, from that point on it simply dosen't matter: he's in the room where it happens. And often.. he's somehow the voice of reason. He's always got an angle... but it dosen't change the fact he's right or he gives Metalhawk someone to back him up. Not only that some of the bonds he forms are genuine. Metalhawk genuinely warms up to screamer and Wheeljack is the only one to try and make amends, to the point that after my boy gets horribly injured, Starscream makes sure he's getting healed and genuinely feels bad the poor guy got hurt.

On top of that once the media is restored for iacon, Starscream plays to the cameras, with his biggest play since stepping on stage coming in the annual: The Autobots find a titan in the desert while looking for lost comrades, trying to keep starscream out of it as Bee is deathly aware finding them would be some very easy bipartisan points for Screamer. Screamer shows up anyway... and when Prowl's croney keeps a gun traind on him and metalhawk, Screamer easily turns the situation on them: He invites a TON of Nails to watch and essentially make it so if he gets shot, it's over for the autobots, then goes down himself. It's here he gets a stroke of pure luck: The titan they've found... deems Starscream as some kind of chosen one. This isn't necessarily a good thing long term... but it does mean a lot especailly to the religious. Now normally this would mean nothing or months of trying to find proof.. but because Screamer's crowd crawled down to witness the titan once it was safe.. they all heard it.

At this point.. Starscream's basically won. The only genuine compettion he'd have in an open election is metalhawk, but either way the Autobots have basically lost control and all that's left is to wait for the elections. Sadly for Screamer he soon has a no good very bad day as Megatron comes back and Starscream spends the next arc as a hostage after going to rant at his former boss, with Megatron not remotely interested in compromise.

That said Starscream has survivied being humilaited plenty and while the Autobots are autobusy dealing with Megatron and the decpeticons, not to mention prowl combining with devestator, Starscream reminds us who he is: He kills Metalhawk, later being genuinely regretful.. but acknowledging Metalhawk was, genuinely, the only thing in his way. He was the only oponent in his rise to power left: Megatron was dealt with, the autobots had shot themselves in the foot 87 times, he feels terrible about what he did.. but killing Metalhawk looses him a friend and someone who belivied in him.. but gains him a Martyr. In the aftermath Screamer basically declares himself LEADER OF THE DECPTEICONS.. ER CYBERTRON, everyone backs him and he gets rid of most of his major opposition by casting out anyone who won't revoke their faction. A few autobots like Blurr stay behind... but msot of the cast we know are cast into the wildnerness and it's their own damn fault.

We get one last issue with Screamer , a spotlight that shows this job will be hard as while speeching got him INTO the job, he has to solve actual problems. Three Monologues is the best issue of season 1 as Starscream rants at megatron in stasis, reflects to Metalhawk's corpse and genuinely opens up to an injured in stasis wheeljack. Not only that Starscream also gets his own starscream, Beast Wars Faviorite rattrap. I'm mixed on this version of him: the character is very well written, being a slimy weasel whose looking for an angle and who gets rid of a local altruist for star scream by framing the guy. It creates an intresting relationship too as Starscream recognizes the behavior of his own.. and takes Rattrap into his administration. As Screamer perfectly puts it the guy Rattrap framed.. was a liablity. He liked star scream, genuinely belivied in the titans... but as Starscream brilliantly puts it altrusim.. is unpredictable. Rattrap on the other hand is who Screamer used to be before he became god emperor of cybertron starscream the first: he can not only deal with that, but it gives him a minon.

Before we leave Screamer I also just want to say.. I fucking love that he put on the crown from transformers the movie. I've always loed that he just... had to have a little crown for himself and that even if this version is less of a joke, he's still starscream enough to need a crown. It's also a striking visual in this context: Starscream is in control of cybertron. Primus help us.

Metalhawk: Don't Let him Be Misunderstood

For any longtime fans of this series or MTMTE, this section is probably going to be controversial but on second read.. I didn't hate Metalhawk. He's still obnoxious at first, he is the one saying "oh well you should piss off the planet you just fought hard to save from a giant Decipticon monster god man". It's easy to hate him as he's constantly telling our heroes they shoudl fuck off.

Yet on reread.. him doing that is WHY he's entertaining. See when I first read the books it was a few years ago. When I can't remember, my memory catches a lot of things but some things are lost to the enternal bog that is the back of my head, but it was before 2020.. and thus before George Floyd's untimely murder. As a result a lot of what the autobots do read diffrentlY: what they did ALWAYS came off as awful: even when the protestors are slamming the doors down, sending out jackbooted thugs is NEVER a good look, and the way Prowl talks about nails and treats them as second class citzens for simply wanting a voice is ... all kinds of chilling. Prowl sees himself as a police officer, and he certainly is.. but the worst kind, the kind most are who will gladly do shady shit to persue what they think is justice and oppress civlians because their "above them. "

So while said realizations about policing and the various police beatings of innocnet protestors made Prowl somehow even worse.. they made Metalhawk better as a LOT of what he's asking.. comes off more resonable. His wanting the decpticons free was kinda bonkers to me when i first raed it.. but now I entirely get that maybe putting bombs in defeated enemy combatants is you know.. a war crime. If you really want to put decitpcons who are dangerous away.. use a jail. Give them a trial. It's not great but putting them int what's basically a gheto that also oused to be a gun is horrible.

Metalhawk simply wants a voice and change for his people. He grows out of throwing the autobots out, being far more willing to work with them than they are with him and making plenty of valid points. He evolves as a character from a whiny asshole who disrpescts the autobots to seeing them as fuckups.. but ones who, prowl aside, are GENUINELY trying, with Bee planning to basically let Metalhawk takeover after the big fight at the end of season 1 before Starscream put some holes in that plan and also metalhawk. He's often the only person speaking up for a bunch of people who greatly outnumber the people in charge yet have to listen to thir bullshit, something that's become more and mor erelevant as congress fucks up more and more . It's hard to boo him when he's right: the autobots probably SHOUDLN'T be running the planet. They shoudln't leave, but they shoudln't be in charge. They shoudlnt be using deciptcons as easy soldiers and shoudln't keep the bombs in their heads now their vastly outnumbered. He's the voice of reason in a calvlcade of jackasses and a schemeing asshole. He's still annoying at times.. but it's really hard to hate a guy who grows out of his most annoying traits and ends the comic betrayed by the most obvious cantidate, something he only didn't see coming.. because he genuinely thought his friend had changed.

Wheeljack and the Rest: Robots in Disguise has a large cast, but most of the best players are off to the side, Starscream excluded. So let's talk about them.

My easy faviorite is one I wish Roberts had gotten like he wanted, the man the myth, Wheeljack. now I like Wheeljack in general due to his design, a nice faceplate, a unique head, it helps him stand out among the standard faces most autobots have.

Wheeljack seems to be one of the few Autobots genuinely trying for a better tommorow: he tries to make peace with starscream, and is frequently working on other projects before bee yells at him for not being avaliable to put out all his fires. He's kind, considerate and also a genuius, getting a nice moment in the sun when he sneaks into a decipticon ship and fidns out their up to some shit, then escapes the horde. I mean Metalhawk DOES save him in the end, but the fact he did most of this himself and gets both of them out himself is impressive. Wheeljack sadly just dosen't appear a ton and ends the season getting his head crushed by megatron. He does come back during season 2 and quickly becomes besties with Windblade, something we'll get to eventually, so good for him.

Blurr is a close third in the characters I like and is the only one of the autobots to really explore the ideas MTMTE was, the idea of "what do you do with your life next". Blurr does help out at first but his mounting frustration with prowl leads to him noping out, only helping out to try and find Ironhide. He decides to open a bar, much like Swerve , and his is a nicely diffrent joint: while Swerves is basically the cheers of transformer,s a place to forget your worries, hang with pals and get into hyjinks, Macadams, a regular location in most transformers place is that.. but also a melting pot, as Blurr soon makes a bunch of former decepticon friends including Sky Byte, a nail who has a great outfit, with him gladly defending his patrons with his good buddy jazz, whose barely in this comic for some reason despite, as always, being fucking great.

Next up is Ironhide. Ironhide does get a pretty meaty roll, as his recent ressurection has convinced him he's immortal and he's getting flashes of a possible future.. .one where the autobots are gon by cybertron thrives. Naturally everyone assumes he needs help instead of you know.. remembering that they followed the matrix for so long because it had robot magic or the giant stygian being made out of a dark god and 80 decepticons they just fought a month ago. What i'm saying is "I can see the fuuuuuuttttttreeee" isn't that farfetched at this point. So Ironhide goes to explore the wilderness with my boys the dinobots who sadly are all kinda douchey here.. but they still kick plenty of ass. The group disappears for a while after a signal drives my dino boys mad... but naturally they show up just in time to be the calvary in the finale. Ironhide is great.. they just don't really focus on him and I wish they did. Same with the dinobots.

Finally out of the ones who actually do stuff we have Arcee. Arcee... is a lot to unpack despite her short screentime. If you'll recall, and if you don't i'm so sorry for reminding you, Simon Furman's approach to the most prominent female transformer.. was to make it so she was FORCED to become female by a mad scientest, a tonedeaf, transphobic take brought about because Simon Furman hates the very idea Cybertronians have a concept of gender.. despite writing male prounouns into this continuity, thus showing they do just .. all male.

So how did Barber tackle this transphobic mess Simon Furman had saddled him and other writers with?

Yeah he just straight up ignored tha tpart for the first 21 issues. Arcee does mention killing Jhiaxus, the mad scientest in question, again, and again and again, but otherwise as far as RiD is concerned, Arcee is just an autobot who was tortured a lot by Jihaxius and who Prowl uses as his hit squad. She gleefully agrees to this... but it's clear she has no real sense of purpose. She DOES get a well done spotlight issue after the Autobots are cast out, with her wondering if the endless violence is worth it and deciding to join the autobots, wether they want her or not. It's a BETTER characterizfation than Furman's, a person with clear trauma trying to find out "what now"... but that big black cloud of "I done a transphobia because I hate them girl robots" hangs over it. It's an elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. I don't FULLY fault barber for it as IDW could've wanted him not to and it was a subject that would need a through, out in the open exploration. IDW was clearly willing as they supported Chromedome and Rewind and would continue to support out and out queerness in this franchise, Barber just wasn't ready yet and thus kept Arcee out of focus. He'd TRY to deal with this later at least but it's still super uncomfortable for now.

Decepticon wise.. they don't really get to do much till the season finale of sorts: they mostly stand around in a gun barrel and plot. Ratbat, one of my faviorite casettes of Soundwaves, is very prominent, trying to weasle his way into power early on.. but then Prowl goes and kills him and i'm sad. Soundwave , my boy, does fuck all till the build up to dark cybertron while Shockwave is in the shadows preparing said event , mostly done in optimus primes subplot. It's a real waste too as having more deciptcons actually try to reform or at least integrate into society would be neat, instead their just mostly canon fodder after a whil ewith a subplot about one seeing what prowl did going nowhere.

So speaking of Prime

The Thrilling Tales of Orion Pax

I haven't mentiond it till now but RiD has it's own isolated subplot ala the scavengers, just one that only lasts this season. Optimus left after the one shot and while he calls himself orion pax as does this segment... i'm just calling him Optimus like everyone else: Optimus goes on his own thrilling space adventures with his crew of Garnak, an ork like alien, Wheelie, who met garnak while stuck on a planet where time was constantly in flux and is still traumatized from it and Hardhead, a minor character turned Optimus buddy.

The trio had captured Jhiaxus, the mad science guy but got some criptic info. Jhiaxus quickly breaks free and while Optimus intended to just soft retire, he can't deny the danger he or his apprentice turned master Shockwave presents, and thus teams up with this motely crew. The adventures are only across three issue but each is fun, the characterrs ar eintresting if underdevleoped and i'ts neat to see Optimus like this: Grappling with his past, unsure of his future, and unwilling to be Optimus again despite everything pulling him toward it. His characterization also takes a nice turn as he was a minor prick in the return of optimus, calling the circle of light a cult. Douchebags yes, cult no.

There's really.. not much to say here anyalis wwise: these adventures are well done and I wish they were the main focus, and clearly Barber agreed as Optimus takes over next season, if sadly not bringin most of these guys with him.

THey are vital for the build up to Dark Cybertron, with Jhiaxus and his goons being Shockwaves main minons and hinting at his mission.. which Shockwave happily outlines in a spotlight later.. well happy isn't an emotion he experinces but he still outlines it: He's been seeding 13 powerful ores, tying in previous things like super energon and such, and the final and 13th one.. is ressurection, bringing people back under his control. His plans feel vauge in theis build up, but involve jhiaxus taking a titan right to cybertron, the ores, and beating up soundwave, with Prime persuing.

The only complaint I really have is the art, which isn't bad, it's just dark, cold , and muted, and not really my forte, working better to represent the dark universe during the crossover. It's not bad it's just hard to make out the visuals at times is all.

So with that we have one last bit of pre-crossover buisnes sto attend to

THe Old Man's Back Again

I did mention Megatron came back right? Because he did. And since he has a big roll to play in the crossover and in MTMTE season 2, let's talk about where Megs has been. Megs was left half dead after becoming a giant pile of decpticons, coming back towards the end of season 1, having what's essnetially the season finale early and the rest of the issues are spotlights dealing with the aftermath.

Bumblebee's reaction is exactly what you'd expect

I mean it's not unwaranted: it's megatron. He was a walking death machine and a brilliant strategist. It's not wrong to expect that even shambling and half dead he's plotting something.. because that's EXACTLY what he was doing. Bee DOES decide to spare him for a trial after being talked into it, but reluctantly and with Megatron guarded to hell. Unfortuantely.. the person in charge of his security is prowl who has a bit of a brain bug at the moment, having taken out omega supreme.

Yeah turns out a LOT of the seasons events were Megatron

The field driving people into rages was him, bombshell was working for megs the whole time, and Shockwave was working with him.. if only till it was convient enough to bail and go work on his own scheme. It's a MILD stretch and I wish it'd been se tup better.. but like Starscream it's hard NOT to enjoy Meg's presence: he brings a genuine threat and meanace, pinning our heroess to the wall and barely being beaten. He's not as layered as he was about to become... but he's still a clever villian who scoffs at Starscream's bitch crying, not WANTING a compromised cybertron but an empire. He ends up loosing but barely does, having still caused a ton of damage and left enough of a gaping woom for Screamer to take the crown. While this Megs is pretty simplistic, he still serves as a good foundation for what's next: a man who genuinely THINKS he's doing the right thing and that peace really is possible if you throw away those pesky civil liberties and his plan and near victory underline HOW dangeorus he is, why the lost light needs to nerf him to put him on board... and why Cybertron will BADLY need his help in the mess to come.

So that was Robots in Disguise and this review.. was difficult to say the least. It's not a great book but it has flecks of greatness in it and later seasons of this side of transformers and other series would pick up on that

Next Time in March: DARK CYBERTRON BEGINS. Bumlbee and the Bumblefucks try to protect a cyberton that hates and fears them, Rodimus goes into a stygian hole in space time, and Shockwave's plan hopefully makes sense.

#transformers #optimus prime #idw #robots in disguise #prowl #bumblebee #wheeljack #megatron #starscream #meatalhawk #blurr #arcee

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bonebabbles · 1 year ago

Text

Riverstar's Home Finished

It's a good book in the last 5 chapters. It's a bad book in the first 23.

THE GOOD:

It pumped the breaks BIG TIME on Clear Sky's ridiculous "redemption arc," giving him the space to be the fantastic, greedy villain he functions best as.

The dialogue is written very well. It's been pointed out to me that generally Kate Cary writes good dialogue, and it really shows. There are some excellent lines and quotes in this book.

This scene between Tall Shadow and River Ripple is superb.

Riverstar's arc is handled competently. It's a story about learning to balance peace and self-defense, and not lose what makes him special in the face of Clan pressure.

Night, Riverstar's deputy, is a woman who remains his platonic friend. This is a very low bar but it was cleared.

Arc is a positive portrayal of an adoptive parent, though it is only mentioned briefly. Riverstar thinks highly and lovingly of him.

Gray Wing being angry tutorial tips every time Riverstar died was funny.

Clan cats being able to create rafts and use willowbark as binding is now canon

The ending action is commendable. The struggle over the bridge was compelling, and excellently showcased both Riverstar as a unique perspective who handles conflict in his own way, and Skystar as a xenophobic dictator who uses his religion to justify his greed.

THE BAD:

So many characters come out of nowhere, they are introduced endlessly.

Which especially sucks because those intros aren't terrible, but you don't get the chance to see their traits in action.

A lot of Riverstar's most interesting traits have been removed, or are not complimented by the story.

For example; in Chapter 19 he starts having an identity crisis about who he is and what makes him special; but because he's frustrated and lost about this for several chapters, you just get Grumpy Riverstar until he has his epiphany while fighting Slash.

MOST of this book is recap that destroys a MASSIVE draw of the character by making him less mysterious.

For example; Turns out he couldn't swim until the second book of DOTC, he hasn't been in this territory longer than the other cats, and he spent 6 months locked in a house doing nothing.

It's a real slog and PACKED with filler. God it's boring. The first 18 chapters have nothing to do with the last few and 5 more are dedicated to traveling.

They managed to brutally kill another female character (Flutter) in an arc already notorious for its misogyny, give her no speaking lines before that death, and forced blubbering romantic pining onto a character who was popular in large part because he didn't have that.

His new mate, Finch (later Finch Song), appears suddenly in chapter 24, three quarters of the way through the book, and they fall in love at breakneck pace. She's pregnant 4 chapters later.

Finch also ends up giving up everything she loved, her whole life, including her friends and family, to follow Riverstar home and give him biokittens so he can finally get over Flutter. (they dont even name a kid after her)

Final rating: 4/10 Should have been a novella

It's not as fucking awful as Onestar's Concussion or Leopardstar's Hernia. It is a readable enough book and does have a solid ending, but you could skip more than half of the book and miss nothing.

Fans of Riverstar will probably be disappointed by the pointless retcons, but will enjoy the last 10 or so chapters when he's true-to-form. The original content that's worth reading would have fit just fine into a novella.

If you want to read it but aren't interested in a DOTC recap, I would recommend just reading the Tall Shadow/River Ripple scene I linked above and then starting from Chapter 19 onward. I wouldn't buy this one unless you're a dedicated Riverstar fan, or don't plan to read DOTC and want to use this book as your only experience of the main arc.

#bones reads rh #Riverstar's Home

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mdhwrites · 11 months ago

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Going back through TOH's episodes, it strikes me how boring they are. Part of the problem seems to be how criminally unfunny the show is, generally speaking. I can count how many times I've laughed on one hand. In fact I can list them:

There was the "It's been my dream since I was a boy" guy pushing kids off cliffs (Moving Hassle), Luz's "He'll be fine" after throwing Hunter overboard - and then his subsequent re-entry (Hunting Palismen) - and lastly Luz tumbling offscreen in front of Amity after a spider crawls on her face (Grom). That's 3 scenes, 4 jokes if we're being charitable. And sure, maybe my sense of humour is just incompatible with TOH's and I'm being harsh.

But I can't deny that I just feel like there's no rewatch value in TOH? Like it's just... the jokes are so bad to the point it's not fun, it's not entertaining, it's a slog, I see no value in retreading the same ground. And I am a SERIAL rewatcher! This is coming from someone who spends maybe 85% of their time experiencing the same stories! I love seeing well-done media all over again, because even if I know what's going to happen or what they will say, a well-structured joke or a skillfully delivered line is still gonna engage me.

I can't even recommend the show to anyone because I HAVE in the past... and what ends up happening is they watch the first couple episodes, get bored, go "I recognize that you like this, but it's not my thing" and drop it. And I CAN'T BLAME THAT! Because that's how I reacted too when I got into the show! I only stuck with it because it seemed like it was going really interesting places. And it tried to, I think, and failed.

I'm also a very fandom-heavy person so TOH's boring episodes have made it increasingly harder for me to stay within it. Because I'm not rewatching anything, I can see myself in real time as I forget more and more of the plotlines, and even a lot of the characters. It's just... kind of disappointing. It's like I just had a gradual fizzling out of interest. I don't even hate the show, which might be better in some ways - instead I just can't muster enough shits to feel any type of way towards it.

I rambled a bit but I guess my ultimate ask here was: what are your thoughts on whether or not TOH manages to entertain new/old viewers?

So I like S1. I think the characters are what carry it and that they are at their most interesting, EASILY, in S1.

The vast majority of S1, in terms of concepts and executions for plots, is OKAY AT BEST.

This actually just comes down to a simple tonal decision of TOH and also just the fact that a boring world with boring magic creates little to do with bog standard plots and TOH actually has a LOT of bog standard plotting. It is a pretty classic story structurally and takes genuinely very few risks in the structure... Which is okay in theory.

There is nothing wrong with not reinventing the wheel and TOH talks a big game about subverting tropes but no. As a fantasy fan, I can tell you this is EXCEPTIONALLY normal. Like... Insultingly from how much it talks a big game. Especially because if you're going to do classic, you have three options: Shoot the moon, lean into the unique elements of your concept or do it VERY. VERY. WELL.

And remember: They did a body swap episode and it is one of the most hated episodes of the entire show. That's not a good sign.

But this touches on the second problem I brought up: This is a boring world with boring magic. Because TOH's fantasy world is so basic, has little magic and little flair with its magic, it inherently limits what it can do. Now, it doesn't have to be this way but the show made it this way with how little we see of it, how limited it is (like how plant magic is 99% vines), and how often it just blatantly makes one to one comparisons between it and our world with effectively NOTHING altered like how the covens are just jobs, right down to them being introduced through a job fair and a boring one at that.

So when we look at a classic episode concept like the body swap episode, the three plots are... Easily replicated elsewhere. One person gets in trouble in the swap's job because they don't know what they're doing (with the most unique twist of this actually landing them in prison), a classic animal plot where they're taken in by a place that seems cozy and then isn't with literally no changes, and finally... Teenager pisses off bullies and agrees to jump DEAD MAN'S GORGE! But instead of skateboards and people really building it up, its rat beasts.

None of these plots are actually bad, they're go tos for a reason, but... No one is bringing anything special to this. Luz is entirely ignored so her character may as well not matter, Eda is doing NOTHING to add to her plot and King... King is fun for about two minutes leading the bullies and otherwise is just any other character in this situation. It's not bad, I personally enjoy parts of the episode... But it's nothing special. From the second the thing that X character is going to do is revealed, you can guess every step of the plot and they don't even really throw in good jokes in the process. A couple jokes but nothing memorable because everything is weirdly subdued compared to how other shows would be, even in an episode that is definitely trying to be more over the top.

And this runs into the inherent tonal issue of TOH: It doesn't want to be an adventure comedy. Those are genres that are commonly really over the top. They hear jump the shark and go "How about a shark jumping ten other sharks in order to finish making a can of tuna for their fire giant overlord?" And the face of this fact, in that the genres it pitches itself as for the first two episodes!

TOH flatly refuses to be silly and over the top. It's characters are very... 'realistic'. I don't mean real, just that they're meant to feel more mature by being more in control. They don't let them interrupt each other for a joke, they don't let a character be potentially OOC for a one off gag like Hop Pop screaming "EAT THE RICH!" or Sprig asking "Have you ever killed a a man, Hop Pop," and I can only think of one time Luz got mad for the sake of a joke and honestly, yelling about the Rusty Smidge barely comes across as a joke because of how genuine the anger feels after a point. Otherwise, stuff that would normally get exaggerated frustration or the like to at least let you laugh at the reaction just... doesn't get one, like how Luz yells about Luzura being killed off but then... Just walks off and is passive aggressive mostly instead of even exasperated. For a drama or romance, this is not a bad approach but for even just an adventure kid's show... It's not great to put it mildly because people meet odd situations with weird levels of nonchalance. Not quite irony poisoned levels but getting there.

It's why TOH is mostly remembered for the romance and drama episodes. Not only do they allow some of the romance scenes to actually include melodrama, they also just fit how the characters act better. It's why Amity has some of the biggest emotions of the series and why Lumity have such great lines between each other because they're actually willing to lean into the sort of genre fiction that they're doing. This is also why S2 works better than S1 because a lot of the pretense of being a comedy adventure gets dropped but like... There's still plenty of boring in S2 with stuff like how Elsewhere Elsewhen takes time travel and includes a couple jokes at the beginning and then is just... horribly bland and barely qualifies as an adventure.

This lack of allowing people to be emotional and jokey also leads to the reliance on comic relief characters. People like Gus, King or Hooty, or S2 Lilith, who the characters can mock in someway, including the writers. Characters who can be the punchline even if it means a lot of people come off a lot meaner than they should, i.e. Luz absolutely rejecting Hooty for the vast majority of the series despite supposedly liking the weird and rejected. That also means that most of the time they're not on screen, either the scene starts getting pretty dry or you have a character suddenly warp to be comic relief, like how Eda gets in some S2 episodes like Elsewhere Elsewhen or Eclipse Lake where suddenly she's MUCH more of a joke than she normally is and also REALLY bad at it too and seeming potentially brain dead for it. Thanks to Them even does this to Amity even though she is probably the last person in the cast to make sense as a sudden clutz.

All of this stuff makes it so that if you go in wanting a kid's show, a fantasy show, ANYTHING that is pitched in the first episode... S1 is going to be just okay to you. I enjoyed it... But I also fell off when I first watched it. I thought the characters were good but none of it stuck with me as actually memorable and I watched until I think Adventure in the Elements. I never was never compelled to come back until Lumity animations (literally THE Little Miss Perfect animatic that is nowadays probably hard to find actually) made me go "I remember this show being neat." And Lumity was what kept me, not because I was generally laughing or calling these episodes something special. In fact, that sense of unsatisfaction is probably why I watched through it faster than Amphibia. No one episode of TOH is really great to watch on its own because... It's just kind of boring, or like half of it is boring because the B plots across the board are SO BLAND. S1 or 2 for that matter since Lumity starts getting boring B plots like with the archives or finding out the author of Azura. Both concepts btw that could have been really interesting setups and instead... If you're not into blushing Amity, get FUUUUUCKED.

That's without getting into REPETITION. Repetition kills comedy so King having one joke for S1 and also taking up like half of the B plots for the first ten episodes means you are going to be in agony eventually anytime someone talks to him because you know where it's going and you have DEFINITELY heard this joke before. And you know, he also gets three repetitive B plots which just hurts the joke even more, even as they try to make twists on it, and hurts the feeling that the show is doing... Anything..

It's just not good. Which is probably why once the characters and the 'subversive/unique' elements of the show both weakened, more and more people left because... Why would you keep watching this then? Those elements are what made up for boring plots with boring execution in a world that didn't allow for more interesting storytelling because it had few ideas and expanded on NONE OF THEM. So of course people pitch it using the elements that say "this isn't like other kids shows/fantasy shows" because if you pitch it to people who like those... They'll just be disappointed eventually and bored quickly. Like i think a lot of people did to be quite honest.

And a lack of creativity, and a lack of genre understanding, isn't something time could have ever fixed.

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The short version of proving this point btw is going "Compare Bumi's introductory episode, which is a character giving three trials to prove another's worth, versus when the Bat Queen challenges Luz. One is exceptionally funny, interesting and has genuinely interesting twists while the other is... There. So very there. Painfully just... there. Not even bad, just... There.

Also, yes, comedy is extremely subjective which is why I tried to talk more about how a lot of these premises are boring because that can be a bit more objective.

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