#the scapegoat and the most hated who they leave alone a lot

[puhpandas]

gonna make fnaf guys in the sims 3

[shmobugsbrainrot]

having thoughts about g----- and her alters (who I'll be referring to as the mirror system from now on) and how they all dealt with their issues

frankly, the most overhated character in pocket mirror is fleta. I understand why people may not enjoy her as a person, she's kind of a brat, and she doesn't treat g----- well at all in her area. HOWEVER. I feel as though a lot of y'all forget that g----- was very young when the mirror system developed, maybe 12 years old at the max. when fleta developed, all she wanted to do was live in her escapist world. a place with her favorite doll where she can just be a kid and forget that they ever read that letter in the first place. fleta regressed, and Hard. it was the only way for her to stay sane. how many times was she abandoned? twice by her parents and once by her host? of course that'd affect how she acts. she just wants someone to stay with her, and she said herself that she's been extremely lonely without g-----. she has a meltdown whenever she's alone, because each time she is, she's back in that cursed room with that cursed letter. fleta is terrified of living in g-----'s world again.

then there's harpae. kind, compassionate, and protective. someone who decided to placate the mirror system's family whenever she fronted. harpae has good intentions of course, but she tended to ignore whenever she herself was in pain or needed comfort. she convinced herself her only purpose, her "role," was to be g-----'s protector. unfortunately, she made the choice to become blind to everything else, to be solely devoted to her host. this made her unstable, irritable whenever g----- didn't want her to do that. so much so that she hurt her. harpae knew she could never be g-----, and so did her family. no matter what she did, it was never good enough. but she still chose to be there for her host, no matter the cost. even if she refused. harpae is terrified of living in g-----'s world again.

and of course, lisette. holy shit. she was a scapegoat, someone the others could blame when they failed, someone who was taunted and tormented by g----- herself. every horrid action, impure thought, or cruel word was made to be lisette's fault. she was spoonfed hate ever since she developed in the mirror system. and so, she did everything she could to purge herself from it. created mirror images of herself, versions of lisette that could carry the cruelty and the anger and the bitterness for her. hid herself away behind layers and layers of labyrinths and mirrors and thorny flowers. lisette realized the only way for her to be free of this pain, as well as all the others, was to get g-----'s pocket mirror and destroy it herself, and the rest of the system with it. she was sick of it, of years of abuse both inside their head and their home. even when she reconciles with g-----, she still is adverse to leaving the grave she had made for herself. lisette is terrified of living in the g-----'s world again.

[sigyn-foxyposts]

My personal thoughts on "Twilight of the gods season 1"

Before reading I just want to say that these are my opinions alone! By no means am I saying this show can't be your thing, it just wasn't mine when it came to certain parts! Also what I'll be covering can be a bit of a sensitive topic to some. Such as race and sexual topics, I'm here to defend not hate 💚

Art by my darling @sparrowmp4 💚

Pros:

Starting off with the best is the animation and art style! It's smooth and full of movement, absolutely breathtaking! It will truly keep you watching, just to enjoy it. Character design's are pretty good too, though some could've been done better and were in general a bit bland.

It felt boring In a way when you could've done more but I understand it would be hard on the animators. The scenery they chose fits the with the setting of the story they're trying to tell. In all honestly done very well, excellent!

I really appreciate the references to actual mythology and my culture! There wasn't much culture other than how things looked in certain villages but things such as the retellings of the stories we got from written and oral traditions, it made me very happy seeing them here!

I also heavily appreciate the inclusion of Loki's struggles amongst the gods, with himself struggling being "a scapegoat god" and the focus on him trying to save his children from their fate. As well as the portrail on how not even gods are perfect!

They clearly did their research on Loki's character and knew what the fans wanted! I just wish we got even more, but it was rushed and in conclusion a bit shallow. Still, the effort is there & i eat what I get!

I love the representation of minorities in the series. Such as people of color and their different or even mixed heritages! Same goes for different identities and sexualities. They weren't afraid to shy away from bisexuality and transgender representation, which was very common back then and throughout history!

I did enjoy certain characters like the Seid Kona, Egil, Leif and Loki's development throughout the story and how they were written! But again was all bit rushed..

Cons:

They missed out on showing us a lot more gods and how Ragnarok actually went down, even if most of us know by now..where was fumbulvinter for example? And I don't like when people take certain mythology media as fact, it's the biggest issue I have when it comes to modern media taking on mythology and folklore in general.

Do it right, if not then let it be!

While I love the representation we got of POC people, the way it's ONLY set in a norse setting bothers me. Yes, the story is centerd around the norse but like..we could have had more representation of other cultures too just saying! They were traveling so much, even a reference would've been nice.

No what we get instead, which yeah can work since the vanir are magic and nature based is plant people (I get the thought behind it!) They make the representation we want plant people. Where only two vanir members that look human.. are people of color. What was the point of all that seriously!

Where are the other people of color..?

Now don't get me wrong, Tyra makes sense in this case because we don't know where she came from and that leaves thing for interpretation, I absolutely love that! What's very icky was that Freyja who is presented as a black woman here, is Tiwaz's sister (Basically Freyr idk why his name is a rune now..) and called herself a slave when talking about how Odin married her for her magic... Yikes!

I didn't appreciate how Fafnir was slain either and the fact Sigird killed Baldr when Hodr could've been included so easily in the battle. I honestly think Freyr, Hodr, Hoenir and many more deserve justice, especially those who were completely forgotten like Idunn, Nanna, Forseti, Thrud ect.

Oh and dont get me started on Angrboda and Sigyn here, I'm just happy Boda even got an appearance in the first place, but that isn't enough to be honest! Like all she did was be the poor mother who couldn't protect her children, nothing more to her character even though she's from the ironwoods that we saw in this series.. where was she after those events?! Most likely dead, which would add up. Let's hope Sigyn gets a better appearance!

I don't mind original characters but..when it comes to the point in retellings, do it in a way that makes sense please!! Make the original characters for example meet Sigurd, Fafnir's slayer instead of killing him off! What would their interaction be like? While I understand the main plot and focus was on Sigird taking her revenge on Thor.

It felt a bit boring.. Like yeah, girlboss with a tragic backstory and she can't cry. It feels a bit Mary Sue of her, not only that but they're a bit over powered too!

Here comes another part I've been dreading..the "interesting" interpretation of Jormi and Thor's fate to kill each other at Ragnarok. It felt very forced and weird making them have a sexual relationship, like sure it's a creative twist I guess but..the way the prophecy claimed that Ragnarok would end the gods if Jörmungandr would spill Thor's seed. That's not at all the case and just disgusting!

What hurts me the most about this topic is Loki's attempts to take her place, but how the prophecy wasn't meant for him. Killing Thor was the only way to free their family, so even if it meant death, she did what had to be done. Worse, she was only a child when Thor physically beat her when she tried defending her family..i didn't need that!

This plot felt more like an excuse to add in more sex to a show with too many of those scenes already! Than giving the representation that matters, people forced to do these things just to help their family.

I'll admit Thor's portrayal was somewhat accurate, it just wasn't done the way I had expected it! (Take that as you will)

Yes he has flaws and the gods aren't perfect! Yes, he is a brute who murdered many jotuns and drinks lots of mead with an appetite. Yes, he has anger issues.. And yes he cheated on Sif. That doesn't mean he has to abuse his own kid or have his marriage with Sif go that low. What's worse is when you realize Sif knows he is activity cheating and letting herself be insulted by Thor. When she literally wants Thor dead, she admits she also needs him for the sake of her purpose.

Now, toxic relationships are real and this is a great example but keep in mind that in actual mythology he was willing to break every bone in Loki's body for him simplely cutting off her hair! And he has a tendency to be over protective of his family like in the story where Alvis purposes to Thrud, his daughter! His characterization is certainly something and I hope we get more because when he started crying over his issues and actions.

It screamed, toxic masculinity in my face.

I don't know what was happening behind the scenes but the relationships were developing a bit fast and while I don't mind starting a story on a relationship, the way things were going between Leif and Sigird didn't make me feel much for them in the end. Yeah it's not easy to be a perfectly functioning couple after you lost your whole family because you two were getting married. But when he comforts you, saying you're allowed to grieve and follows you on your revenge trip even though he didn't want to but did it for you!

Also I love my poly rep but making Thyra be a part of their already dysfunctional relationship was a bad move. Thanks for the fake hope you gave Leif actually living a better life with just her. It was so obvious she was into women from the start..why??

I had to sympathize with Leif even more when Sigrid physically hurt him, all because he opened up about what he felt and was done with her crap. Sadly that sympathy went away the moment he decided to waste everything on a woman that cared more about revenge then him.

Finally last point, I very much dislike how characters we were supposed to bond with get killed off so suddenly? Not only weren't they fully developed like Ulfr and Anvari but they had to die for what? Do they come back for the plot later on because I'd certainly hope so!

I don't know if they'll make up for all of these plot lines but since it landed on a cliff hanger, it's definitely coming back. Let's cross our fingers for season 2 to be better and clear things up!! Thank you for reading 💚🤞

[dirtytransmasc]

What do you think Spider’s home life with the McCoskers was like, any theories and ideas? It had to have been bad if Quaritch was considered to be a better candidate for a father figure.

these are more headcanons than theories, but tomato tamato. none of this is explicitly canon (to my knowledge). tw for domestic/child abuse.

nash was smart enough to not hit his kids, but he would make physical threats, grab them back the collars of their shirts, push them around, etc.

nash is very strict; each kid has a list of chores, have to live almost military-like, up at the crack of dawn, strict bedtime, etc. any deviation from his expectation would mean a crackdown.

the kids were pinned against each other, the bio brothers v. spider. both were manipulated to see the other as free. nash's boys were allowed to act out towards spider and received their father love, but were never allowed to stray far from their little home in the compound. spider was allowed to disappear for hours every day, no limits and no rules, but spider is horribly neglected. both hate each other because they have what the other wants so desperately, freedom v. family. they have an awful relationship because both are so blinded by what they want to see that no one is happy, no one is safe in that home, and that no one could envy the other.

nash stopped feeding spider when he learned to hunt, saying he had learned plenty enough to provide for himself and that if he'd rather stay out in the jungle all day and whatever part of the night he could get away with, he could eat out there.

Mary is not a caring mother to spider, she does the bare minimum, and that's even an overstatment; she does enough that it isn't obvious she doesn't care and therefore won't bring shame to her.

she allows nash to scapegoat spider not because she too is necessarily abusive herself, but because it keeps nash's temper off of her and her boys.

mary has voiced many times that spider is not her son, to his face. nash has done this as well but its a lot more consistent, he doesn't have to be in any sort of mood to say it. they barely play pretend for other people.

while both parents use spider's constant absence to taunt him, they're happy he's out of their care for most of the day.

as a baby spider was typically kept in a crib or allowed to run around the lab, not getting much attention from his foster family. this led to them just leaving spider to his own devices, even encouraged to leave the confines of the room only to then be punished and blamed for being in other's ways.

I think they were you average 'military dad and battered wife who set their kids up for failure' type family and I feel bad for all 3 kids, even if their bio boys have little chance to ever leave their footsteps.

quaritch never hurt his boy, never threatened him or tried to cause him harm (genuinely, he may have quipped threats at him, but as far as we saw, he never meant them). he protected spider and valued him. he may not have been great, but he's much better by impression alone then the McCoskers.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

like I could and will analyse c!tommy and c!dream until the heat death of the universe but the most simple, fundamental thing that is important to get is that they genuinely like each other on some level. they were friends once, very close friends. they grieve over the loss of that friendship. they have positive memories of each other. the simple days of the past they long for is one where the two of them were good friends!

the main difference is how they handle it. c!tommy has tried to move on, despite this being deliberately used against him. he struggles with it, and sometimes unhealthily wants to try again, even though he knows at the point it’s at it'll be horrifically abusive, but he’s made a new support network and processed his thoughts on c!dream. he says he hates him- and he does, definitely- but there’s a lot more complicated thoughts there. most of all, he's accepted that no matter his thoughts on c!dream, he can’t fix him. c!dream has chose this path and c!tommy trying to drag him off it will only hurt himself. you can’t help someone who thinks they’re fine, and will hurt you if they try. c!tommy, despite everything, has moved on.

c!dream, however, clings to that past. he clings to the idea in his head where c!tommy is as chaotic and impulsive as he was years ago, and they caused chaos together. it’s easier to make him a scapegoat than for c!dream to confront the truth, but behind his anger comes a twisted compassion, a twisted desire to “help”. stubbornly, he refuses to let the friendship go, and if he has to beat c!tommy into submission to prevent him from leaving like he feels everyone else has, he will. he's desperate, and he feels alone- and all the kind words of any of his friends mean nothing as things change and he lashes out, drives them away in a fury because he feels that they're betraying him by changing too, not staying in the perfect fantasy he has in his own head. c!tommy is the last remnant he has, one he clings to, because he refuses to see how he changed and therefore he assigns so much value to him. and for that, he’s one of the few people c!dream would consider a friend, yet that bond is one of twisted affection. one where c!dream views himself as a guiding force, where he controls c!tommy's every thought and action and abuses him if he fails to live up to arbitrary standards, and completely dictates his whole life. and when he claims it’s because they’re friends, he does not lie, yet that friendship is possessive, cruel, and toxic, one he refuses to let go even as c!tommy has.

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 21

HELLO. This time we are back with l-words and star missions. This is a bit of a pre-chapter, they talk a lot here and in the next one there will be action. Who wants a protective Haymitch??

MASTERLIST

21. Come back to me

When they finally allow you to see Peeta he is a wreck. He is so pale and thin it almost scares you, his golden hair is less and less now, and he has no light in his eyes. But he slowly gets better, and by the end of the month his progress is astounding. 

The only thing the doctors can’t quite put a hand on is how his mind works. They tortured him into thinking Katniss is the enemy - and he tried to strangle her the first time they met - but he is not a robot, he thinks and slowly, with patience, he begins to understand Katniss’s memories are not real, that she is a good person and she loves him. 

On the other hand, Katniss is magnificent with him. She really wants him back. She is cunning and she resists his verbal attacks with a willpower you are not sure you have. 

You spend most of the time at school, then with Peeta (you take turns to never leave him alone with the guards, you are not sure Thirteen is the right place with him) or with Effie. 

Never with your mother. You say hello in the morning and goodbye at night, that’s it. You stupidly thought after the bombs she was going to say something more to you, but you were wrong. As glacial as ice. 

«Effs?» You call her, in the middle of the night. You are supposed to sleep, to gain strength, but you can’t shake a bad feeling.

«Mh?» She answers without moving. It’s a miracle she doesn’t hate you. 

Truth is you miss her. You were her job before, but now she has her girlfriend and you have Haymitch, and in the cafeteria there are always Portia, Lora and Finnick too, which is great because they are your friends but you miss your Effie.

«Do you think we will win the war?»

She tightens the grip on your hip and opens her eyes. «Yeah, I think so.»

«Do you think it’s a good thing?» You whisper.

You are playing with fire. You were so cautious before, when President Snow was in the game, but now you are exhausted from pretending everything is fine and you agree with the regime.

«Of course honey.» She looks at you like you are crazy. The rooms are probably bugged. A good government doesn’t bug your room.

«I don’t like Snow. He is horrible, I'm just… I’m just tired. And if we win and everything is ruled by Thirteen do you think they will hurt you? Or Portia?»

Alma Coin is not a good person. You run out of ideas of who would be a good person, maybe Cinna, but Cinna is not a leader, he is someone who believes in the revolution but he is not a politician. 

Still, Alma Coin is not a good person, she’s another Snow. You don’t doubt for a moment she will revoke the immunity for Capitol citizens as soon as the people want justice. And Effie, Portia, even Cinna, they all come from Capitol, they are still weird to Thirteen people, the perfect scapegoat.

«No, we have immunity, so… don’t worry about me and sleep, Daisy.»

You can’t shake the feeling, but you can pretend to sleep not to worry her.

In the morning you go to class and then straight to Haymitch’s room, because you know he has a break from Coin. The more time you are in Thirteen the more you loathe that woman, but anything is better than Snow. 

The moment you open the door you sense something is not right, though. His eyes are grey-er than usual. 

«What’s wrong? I know that look.»

You watch him. You watch him a lot, because you are completely smitten by him, and you know now when he is really relaxed and when he tries to lie to you. He frowns for a while, then he tries to go blank, no expression whatsoever.

«Nothing.» He murmurs. He is a liar. A bad one.

«Don’t “nothing” me. We are partners, you and I. Equals.» You go near him and you begin to massage his shoulders. When he closes his eyes and melts at your touch, you press a kiss on his mouth. 

«They want you to go on the mission with Katniss’s team to kill Snow.» He reveals. 

«Oh.» 

You are barely aware there is going to be a mission to do something at the Capitol, because you are not part of the headquarters, you are a civilian. Then again, there is no such thing as a civilian in Thirteen, every member has to be a soldier.

You are not thrilled by the idea, you are not good with anything, never put a hand on a gun, nevermind a rifle, but…

«I don’t trust this place, Sweetheart.» He takes your hand and he kisses your wrist, and in that moment he is really, really shattered. Katniss is not okay, Peeta has been tortured and now they want you back in action. To protect him, you really think you are not going, but then you remember that maybe, just maybe, you are telling yourself that because you are too scared.

«I think it’s fair.» You say after a moment, almost sheeply. 

His eyes grow wide. «What?»

«I survived the Hunger Games, I have more training than most in District 13. And if they called me, they called Lora and Perla too, didn’t they?» 

«That’s not the point.» So they did call Lora and Perla too, and he is not stopping them from going.

«But it kinda is. They have to go and I don’t? Why? Because I sleep with you?» You slip into his lap. «This is hardly fair.»

He stays silent for a moment. He hugs you tight, his face buried in your raven hair and his hands clenching on your jumpsuit. 

«You are not a warrior, gorgeous. You know that.» He strokes your locks. «You are great with people, but… you are a teacher, not a soldier.»

«I killed Clark and the Capitol guy. I am fast.» You reply. You really don’t want to go, but you don’t want to be a coward either.

«Annie is not going, maybe you-» You shake your head. There’s no point in comparing you with Annie Cresta, she is severely traumatised and you are fine. If you weren’t you wouldn’t stay with children.

«Annie is sick. We have to protect her. I’m young and strong, I have to go. We are in a war, Haymitch.» 

He looks down and you just sense he wants a bottle so bad now. You clasp your arms on his neck and you kiss him, and you can see his eyes are a little shiny.

«I’m not losing you too.»

«You won’t lose me because I’ll survive this too. You remember that I decided to stay with you for a long time? Besides, Katniss is going there.»

«Katniss has to. Trust me, if I could I’d put her on the first train and hide her from the world, the boy too, but she is the Mockingjay. But you, you can still be safe.»

«I’m not leaving Perla and Lora alone.» You repeat, your arms around his neck. «I’m sorry.»

This is the first time in a long time that you don’t follow his instructions. 

The mission just makes a conversation more pressing than before. Everyday you get up and you think you are going to talk to her, and then you spend the rest of the day avoiding her because you are scared.

You are scared she will reject you, she will see the person that you are now, so different from the district girl she used to know. It’s true, that part. You barely remember the girl you were, working twenty four seven to still be hungry, not talking much. She was beloved in Twelve, though. So polite, so kind.

You tend to be less kind now that you have blood on your hands.

«Mom?» 

You call her from the corridor. The only moment you have is in the afternoon, before going to bed. Thirteen has a curfew, and you decided to go to Haymitch after this so you are in a hurry.

«Daisy.» She smiles at you. She always smiles at you, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s frustrating. 

«I’m going with the Star Team tomorrow morning. Can we… can we talk?» You hate how you sound, like you never made any progress. When you talk to your mother you still behave like a frightened child.

«Of course but, you? You are going?» You wish everyone stopped having this reaction.

«I’ve had the training for the Hunger Games and I’m fast, and in Thirteen anyone can be a soldier, so yes. Me.» You explain.

«And that victor of yours can’t do anything about it?» She asks again, a little worried.

«He tried but I didn’t want to, I don’t think it’s fair.»

«Oh. Well, I suppose… I suppose you are doing the right thing.» That’s great, coming from her. She has always been a “you are doing what you have to do, it is just your duty” mom.

You don’t have much time, but also Holly is not a chatty person. 

«I love him, mama.» You begin, and you go on before she could stop you because you are not sure you will have the courage to keep up with her. «And I adore Effie Trinket, she has been a great help during the games. She associated herself with the rebels, you know. But that is not the point, the point is that I may not have all your ideas now and I don’t always think like you think, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. I was your child and you raised me to be strong and kind. I always try to be strong and kind, but I’m not a child. I’m an adult. I can make my decisions and I can make my mistakes, and I’m sorry if you don’t like the person I am now, but I’ve become that person partly because of you.»

She looks at you stunned, her dark hair falling out of her braid, and her hazel eyes wide open. It is funny, you are adopted but you two look alike. 

«Who said I don’t like you anymore?» She whispers to you.

«Well, you made it clear. We don’t talk anymore…»

«No, no! That is not right at all!» She pulls you into a hug so tight you gasp for air after a moment. «I needed some time to understand the… Haymitch situation. I tried to talk to you, I tried to talk to him, but in the end you two are a thing and I have to accept this.» I tried to talk to him?, you think, but now it’s not the time to be angry again.

«But you are always with Marjorie…» You sound unsure.  

«She is not your enemy, you know.» She shakes her head. «And she was a great friend, I thought for a long time she was dead. It has been a bit of a shock for me too. And I was so proud of you when you saved her.»

«You didn’t tell me.»

«Oh, we people of Twelve, we don’t talk that much, do we? But I am. And I’m sorry if you thought otherwise.»

This time is your turn to hug her again, and everything feels peaceful for the first time in months. 

«You do have a room, don't you?» Haymitch asks you, glancing at the bed where you are reading right now.

Not quite the welcome you expect from your not boyfriend. You are reading a novel - one of his novels - on his bed, in your bra and panties because you hate that stupid jumpsuit that doesn't do any justice to your body. 

You know these are hard days, but you wanted to do a good thing for him. It was supposed to be a surprise the day before the leaving. A coordinated lingerie, thanks to Effie's closet of course, you love a woman who knows what to bring in an emergency situation.

«Aren't you happy to see me?» You close your book. «Effie wants some alone time in our room and I thought I’d want some Haymitch time.» Effie wants to stay with Portia, but you don’t know if it’s a secret or not. 

«I’m tired, Daisy.» Oh-oh, it’s never good when he calls you Daisy. «And your things are all over this fucking place.»

You lift your eyebrows. «Excuse me?» 

«This is yours.» He takes a bracelet. «And this too.» He lifts a bra with his fingers. Oh, there it is! You thought you lost it. 

«You tossed it last night, so I think it’s your fault more than mine.» You try to joke, but he only sits with a sigh. This is humiliating. And a humiliated Daisy is a raging Daisy. You can’t help but think that he is that way with you because you didn’t blindly follow his orders for the first time. 

«Oh, I'm sorry, is your smoking hot naked partner in front of you bothering you?» You get up, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. This is so you, using sex as a distraction. Maybe you should have gone to Perla and Lora instead. 

«Maybe if the partner behaves like a child.» He scoffs. This is preposterous. You didn’t do anything wrong this time. 

«Really? Do you think I'm a child?» You are twenty four. He is forty one. It’s not even twelve years of difference. 

«If it walks like a duck…» He dismisses you. 

«Maybe you are just old.» You don’t want to open the door, because you are, well, naked, but if he forces you you will go into the corridor with just your bra. To spite him. You do a lot of things out of spite, sometimes you even save lives out of spite.

«Maybe I'm old! I've been trying to tell you since forever.» He shouts this time. You really don’t like when he shouts at you.

«And maybe the problem is not that you are old, the problem is that you are a dick!»

You stand in front of each other, you are looking at him like you want to murder him and he is so annoyed by you he… he is all over you in the blink of an eye, kissing your lips like there is no tomorrow.

«If I’m losing you for a fucking mission, Sweetheart...» He whispers, his teeth teasing the flesh of your chest. «I don’t care about them, I don’t care about the government if it means losing you.»

You take his hair in your fist to force him to look at you. He is telling you dangerous things, and you have no doubt the place is bugged from head to toe.

«You are not losing me.» You whisper, partly because you want him to be quiet and partly because he is on you.

«Promise me.» Last time it worked. Last time you promised him something you got out of the Hunger Games alive.

«I promise you.» You kiss him. 

«I’m sorry I shouted.» He tells you after a moment. You prefer the kisses. It feels like an excuse. 

«You were worried…» You minimise it. 

«No. I’m sorry.»

«You know I decided to have you, right? You said I always end up having what I want. I don’t stop when I want something. And I want a life with you, you don’t get to decide.» You joke, opening his suit buttons. «I have to stay alive for that.»

He decides to humour you, and he rolls his eyes. «You are lucky that I like you.»

«You are lucky that I love you!» You deadpan before you realise what you just said. The L-word. You know he doesn’t feel the same, but maybe it’s right that he knows it, just in case you die tomorrow. «I’m sorry I-»

«No, it’s alright, you…» 

«I, I…» You swallow, embarrassed. «I am naked so maybe you should do something about it.»

«No, wait.» He takes your hand and he kisses it. «Just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.» 

«You don’t feel it.» You say back to him, sure. You can sense it. He doesn’t love you yet. Maybe in time. Maybe never. He loved one girl and he lost her. And he thinks that loving someone for him is like a curse or something. 

«If you die out there and I have told you…» He seems desperate. You kiss him just to calm him down. «If you die…»

«I won’t die. I promised.»

«Come back to me.» 

«I always come back to you.»

taglist: @crimsonincursive

[leonsliga]

I know I'm spamming with this. But I just can't be anything but heartbroken.

https://twitter.com/iMiaSanMia/status/1767184731739697196?t=CO3GdBoIlDoNywEz-kPLVw&s=19

He said this just a day before being kicked out.

He had done the ads for their kits. And all the promo stuff.

Completely blindsided. How strong can a person be honestly? He had to get over being the scapegoat for tuchel, for twitter hate, for bayern bad run, for flick and now nagelsmann? He was prepared and probably had his bag packed for the break. How could they do this to him?

I mean what more can he do. If playing so well (I think we disagree here, I feel he has had a very stable solid season with not a lot of bad matches) can't get him in over a boy (whom I'm happy for I guess or I will be once this wave of sadness tides over) who has had like 2 months of experience, then what in the gd world will?

What's he gonna play for. If nagelsmann is saying leon was furious hearing this... I hope he didn't tell him he couldn't play. Why is the football world so unfair to him really ?

Do you think he'll make it to the Euros Bri? Honestly?

I hope he does.

Feeling so resentful towards the NT team.

It’s ok to spam me! I don’t mind 💜 I’ve been absolutely heartbroken too, so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that hurt.

I saw his interview response too, and knowing he said it just before the news broke is devastating.

He’s only ever wanted one thing: to help the team, and I think that’s what hurts so much. How could he not feel inadequate after hearing that Nagelsmann didn’t want him—after learning that his hard work to get back to his best wasn’t enough?

He’s been through so much this season (and last season too). Like you said, he spent most of it as Tuchel’s scapegoat. And as if he hadn’t been punished enough, he’s also had to face the wrath of disgruntled fans and his fellow countrymen:

You’re right; he probably had his bag all packed and ready to go, only to get a serious case of whiplash not long afterward, when he learned he wouldn’t be leaving.

We can agree to disagree here :) I think my critique is that while he’s put up decent performances in most matches, Bayern expects the exceptional. So when I say he’s had some rough patches, it’s because I know he can be even better. He’s shown us that before (Bayern’s treble-winning season being the chief example), and he’s shown us that again against Mainz. And like you’ve pointed out in the past, Leon’s far from Bayern’s biggest problem anyhow 🤷‍♀️

This round of call-ups was bittersweet for me too. I’m super proud of Aleks, but I’m also devastated for Leon, even if it is just a few matches. It’s a lot to process.

I know Nagelsmann mentioned it “wasn’t a pleasant conversation” with Leon, but he can’t really blame him for that. How would he feel if he was in Leon’s place—if he was denied the opportunity to represent his country?

My opinion on whether or not he’ll play for the Euros? I think it depends on his performances in Bayern’s upcoming matches. His fate is in his hands. If he keeps up his string of good performances, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be called up. Maybe it’s the delusion talking, but that’s my opinion. I still believe Nagelsmann left Leon off the NT as a test of sorts—as a means to see how he can deliver under pressure.

At the very least, much like you, I hope he’ll be there for the Euros too. We’ll have to see what to develops, as much as I hate to say it 😵

[eretzyisrael]

By Hillel Fuld on X/Twitter

This is really really huge news.

The morally bankrupt organization called the United Nations just approved a decision calling for a ceasefire in Gaza. They want Israel to take Ramadan into account and stop the war. Ya know, the same way Hamas took our holiday into consideration.

Ok, that’s not news. The UN has always been a moral disgrace. The UN are a bunch of Jew hating low lives.

What IS new is that the U.S., our so-called ally, did not use its veto power to cancel the resolution.

This is an unprecedented diplomatic disaster that is so significant, it might very realistically be the beginning of the end of the friendship between Israel and the United States.

Now, to some people, this might be a surprise, but it isn’t a surprise to those people who have been paying attention.

Whoever thinks/thought that Biden cares about Israel or the Jewish people, you are clearly not paying attention.

Biden could not care less about us.

Now let me tell you how this plays out.

In the short term, this is genuinely scary for Israel. Without our U.S. ally, we are basically totally diplomatically isolated. Yes, there are still one or two countries that kinda have our back, but without the U.S., we are alone.

Scary.

But let’s take a few steps back and look at today’s news from a historical perspective.

We just celebrated Purim.

The comparison between Haman and Hamas writes itself. I’ve already spoken about that.

But the comparison between the evil king in the story of Purim, Achashverosh, and the most powerful leader today; the leader of the free world, Mr. Joe Biden wasn’t 100% clear.

Are they really comparable?

Well, today we have our answer and it’s an unequivocal yes!!

The king in the story of Purim didn’t care about the Jews. He agreed to annihilate them. But then, when his wife pleaded for her people, it says that Achashverosh went into the garden to contemplate.

Till now, Biden has been in the garden contemplating whether to choose the unpopular but moral choice of standing with the Jews or join the mob and scapegoat the Jews.

Today, Biden has made a clear decision to abandon his ally.

So what happens next?

Netanyahu has said he won’t send the delegation that was supposed to leave to Washington. He’s canceling that. As he should!

The rift between Israel and the U.S. will only increase and eventually, the relationship will disappear completely.

The United States of America was good to the Jews for many years, but it’s now the end of an era.

You might look at this decision not to veto the UN resolution as something small and insignificant. You would be dead wrong! This is a massive change in policy.

So what happens when an empire turns on the Jews?

The Jews try even harder to assimilate and prove that they are no different, but to no avail.

If you thought antisemitism was bad till now, you ain’t seen nothin yet. Now, those Jew hating lunatics have the backing of their government, a government that’s calling to reward the Hamas rapists and pedophiles.

Now, as far as the war goes, Israel will obviously not listen to the UN but that’s not the point. The point is, the kid who was being bullied in school but had protection from one of the big guys in the class, is now alone and the bullying is about to get a lot worse.

So then what?

Here’s the script that’s repeated in every generation.

The Jews are comfortable. They reach the top of the society. They assimilate. Antisemitism begins to show its face. They assimilate more (I think we’re up to about 72% assimilation now.). The Jews think that if they assimilate, the hatred will stop, when in reality, the opposite is true.

The more we assimilate and tell the nations how much we are just like them, the more they respond “No, you’re not. You’re not just like us and we have a tool to illustrate that. It’s called antisemitism.”

Then things get really bad, really fast.

We have some hard years ahead of us.

The good news? Every single empire, with zero exceptions, that came after the Jews, is now extinct.

Turns out that siding with the enemies of the Jews is a really bad strategy.

This won’t happen tomorrow or next week, but the United States of America will now join the long list of empires that came after the Jews and disappeared.

Here’s a partial list of those empires:

Babylonian

Roman

Assyrian

Persian

Greek

Soviet

Nazi

Today, America took its first meaningful step toward joining that list.

Again, I doubt this decision in the UN will be taken seriously by Israel, let alone implemented, but that’s really not the point.

Today, the love affair between Israel and the U.S. is showing very real signs of an imminent break up.

Now, something else will happen once that breakup is complete, in addition to the U.S. losing its world dominance.

Israel will be independent and will manufacture its own military equipment. Now, that’s a scary thought. If you knew how much each iron dome missile costs, you’d understand why that’s scary.

The F35 jets, the M16 rifles, and almost all other equipment, down to actual ammunition, originates in the U.S. Without that partnership, Israel is going to have to figure out how to bank roll all of this.

But we’ll figure it out.

We are a nation that stood alone throughout history. Any time we depended on anyone else besides ourselves and our God, things didn’t end well.

So we’ll break up, we will ramp up our military manufacturing, and we will finally understand that we can’t depend on the U.S. or any other country to defend us. We can only depend on ourselves, our army, and our God.

With this fragile friendship that we had with the United States, we were kidding ourselves into thinking we can bank on it. We can’t and that became clear today.

The Torah describes the Jewish people as:

הן עם לבדד ישכון ובגויים לא יתחשב

A people who dweels alone and does not take other nations into consideration.

Finally, this is true. We are going to dwell alone and we will no longer look to our fake friend for protection. That’s it. Those days are over. The end of an era.

The good news is that we know how this ends and it’s a happy ending, at least for us, not so much for America.

Today's ceasefire vote was supported by the UK too. How shameful.

The bottom line is that Israel will stand by its promise of never again with or without the US. The U.S. turned Jews away in The Holocaust, and they are now turning their back on the Jews yet again.

This news is highly disturbing, on the one hand, but it’s also a call for celebration. We knew this was going to happen. We expected it. Or at least those who know history expected it.

If this came true, the rest of the script will come true and the prophecies are now one step closer to reality.

Dear President Biden,

You should be ashamed of yourself and you have now secured your place in the history books as the first President to fully turn his back on the Jews. Yea, Obama was pretty bad, but this move today, is the final nail in the coffin of the U.S. Israel relationship. Congratulations, you are a coward and a weak leader who will regret today’s decision for as long as you live.

Dear the United Nations,

You never miss the opportunity to remind the world how immoral you are but you’re not just immoral, you’re also unimportant and irrelevant. Go take your Jew hatred elsewhere. You fulfilled your role in this world by giving us our state. Now you can disappear into the history books. No one will miss you.

And to all the countries that voted in favor of this repugnant resolution, you are weak and pathetic. You know what Jews around the world did yesterday? We celebrated the fall of an evil enemy who tried to annihilate us. That enemy was eliminated along with his ten sons and all those who supported him. We will celebrate your downfall too and it’s around the corner.

Folks, this is one huge step closer to the plot unfolding and the Jews coming out victorious.

Don’t worry, today’s news changes nothing other than the realization that we can’t depend on America or anyone else. Hopefully this will make us look inward, strengthen ourselves from within, and turn to God asking Him to give the IDF the strength to achieve complete victory.

Thank you, President Biden for finally taking off your mask. Now we have the clarity we need to do what we need to do.

As for you and your empire, enjoy it while it lasts because your end is near.

Very very near.

This monumental (not in a good way) decision makes me sick. Biden makes me sick. He is no friend of Israel’s and we need to stop pretending he is. That show is now over!

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

TBB S2 EP 8 SPOILERS BELOW CUT

frick man

OKAY HAPPY THOUGHTS FIRST HAPPY THOUGHTS FIRST

I love how when Rex called Echo was just like "jup on our way" even though Hunter was like ":/". He took charge and the rest of em just went with it. Love that for him

I KNOW THIS IS A DETAIL BUT THE FACT THAT REX IS WEARING ACTUAL BOOTS WITH HIS CIVVIE OUTFIT???? idk man just,,, cute

Also I was literally so worried for him during that shootout on the venator bc like,,, he don't have any armour anymore?? what if he gets shot?? (ik he has plot armour but I would love some real armour as well, thanks)

Chuchi was amazing!!!! I hope we get to see more of her!

In the end I did feel sorry for Rampart. Its true, he was following orders. He is just another plot device for the emperor to use so that his will is done. He wasn't innocent, but he was still made into a scapegoat

ALSO FCKING SHIT I HADE PALPATINE!!! Like, I knew the clones were gonna get decommissioned, but still, THEY ARE NOT DROIDS TO SIMPLY BE SHUT OFF!!

Am still loving the fact that Chuchi is fighting for their rights and how much "clone politics" we got these last two episodes. Makes me think that maybe Filoni was listening (makes me hope for canon Foxiyo ngl)

okay

sorta sad thoughts time now

gonna tag @saturn-sends-hugs bc I wanna see her opinion on this too :')

First of all, sorry friend ik you didn't want this to happen

I've seen this issue on tumblr a lot, of people being scared that Echo will leave and I've stayed quiet abt it till now

But I actually saw it coming and,,, I approve

I just think it's who Echo is. I think it's just so him to care about the future of all clones, to care about larger scale issues in the galaxy, to want to stay in the big fight. The batch "abandoned" the big issues in the galaxy a while ago, but I know Echo. He believed in the Republic more than most other clones. Sure, almost all of them fought for the Republic, but we all know there were certain clones more patriotic than others (like Jesse, Cody and Rex). There were certain clones who put more emphasis on loyalty than any other quality, and I think Echo was one of them. Still is. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay out of the fight for long, I knew he would eventually split off from the batch and I think that's okay. He and Hunter are different people, with different goals and different futures. And I'm a 100% they'll be reunited eventually, but as Echo said, this is something he has to do. This is who he is, at his core. It's not who Hunter is, it's not who the batch is. The Batch have always been slightly,,, detached from the other clones, while Echo was always focused on the big picture, the unity and brotherhood that the clones shared. It only makes sense for him to leave now.

Think abt the beginning of the episode, where he tells Omega he doesn't like being alone, he got enough of that on Skako. Goes to show how he was used to always being surrounded by brothers, how much he loved it and them. Why abondon them when they need him most?

That being said, I do hate that we'll likely see less of him now, especially after he got so little development in recent eps

I am hopeful, however, that maybe this means we get to see him working together with Rex and his development happing apart form the batch but still on screen. Either way, I stand by what I said. This is where Echo needs to be right now.

[rosewaterdiaries]

there is so much hatred and disgust but mostly contempt i've been seeing in my sister's eyes for a few months now; i used to hope that at least she would keep my side or at least remain neutral about me in our family. as much as my parents commentary on my life hurts i got used to it as in it is not surprising to me anymore even if sudden.

it's like she stepped onto being a mean girl once again, like she was back as a teen in school bc of her friend's influence. to me it seems like all that hatred or at least most of it is happening on a projection basis - she's seeing things in me that she can't allow herself for. it hurts, especially when there was this one point since the pandemic where it seems like we've started bonding on an adult level but then something happened and it was never the same. alongside that she'd been getting into fights with our parents and tasted more of the abuse i've had to deal with, witch of course was unpleasant to say the least. it seems like she has chosen the "easy" way out - to submerge her true intenities she's started to discover and fall into behaviour and "solutions" of my parents, our mother, namely. all of that makes me even more alone in the world but if it was just about loneliness it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now.

it was mostly i who used to confront her about our issues even if she was the one who started them and i was okay with that as long as it worked but it doesn't now. and i feel so guilty but i haven't done anything out of ordinary wrong; i always apologize and tried to make things work. i absolutely hate the person she seems to pretend to be, the one that's unbothered but that's only bc of overlooking issues and feeling like she cannot do any wrong with me. tbh, at time she reminds me of my self from early months/years of the pandemic when i was mad at my father (and rightfully so, bc of years of abuse) that even if he did something good i was just remotely happy about it and kept that barrier between us. but the thing with that is that i did that bc i knew he did it mostly to manipulate and bribe me and with my sister i never do that and i never abused her - the only thing was childhood fights which i apologized for, for which she never apologized for. the story i tell myself is that when those tiktoks about older sister trauma started emerging she suddenly saw an opportunity to blame her hurt onto me, a person that is open to hearing another person out, apologize and give reparations. it makes a lot of sense since both of our parents don't care about that, and since she couldn't deal with that herself, this parentificated version of me would have to do. this is so unhealthy; and it all started happening after finishing family therapy on a bad note - i feel like it's been dragging after us ever since then, that even if something nice happens and it's good the default is that i'm the one to blame things onto, i'm the official black sheep and the scapegoat of the family.

seeing how much i've already written here about all of that family shit i've been dealing with for half of my life now scares me, bc of how much space and time it occupies in my mind. i wish i could be liberated. i wish i can do things i've dreamt of ever since i was a child and a teen. i want to be that person for myself. it is hard. it is hard to leave. it feels guilting to even think about that because i know how precious life is and how each moment can be the last with those closest to us. it seems like they don't look at life like that ever since my brother died. for me it was life changing in that way that i've seriously started caring more about people and human connections. i hate this capitalistic idea of individualism and i'm saying that as an introvert and a person who likes to be by themselves; bc even with those traits we need each other, we need community, we need community love and care. and i want that in my life, and it feels like i seriously have to let go of some people but that is so scary, that's my whole life that i've been with them. why can't it at least happen on a good note...

i feel angry about having to write those entries but that seems to be the only way to deal with it now... so much time wasted? but at least now i have a clearer view on it... i guess... wish i could just be... maybe i will soon be like that, like i felt on that solo trip abroad, that suddenly with more space in my mind i had space for ideas concerning me and creativity. i'm rooting for myself. i'd like to change some things about my life but i don't want to be doing those things just so these people get the satisfaction of being "right"... what i mean is... i too know certain things suck and want to change them ((like - hellooo?? i'm the one who suffers the most bc of them??)) but the issue is that i would want people to treat me nicely, care about me and love me even when i'm struggling, even when i'm not at my best; i know i would do those things for them... so ig what i'm trying to say is, if i got better, got my life more in order and they would start being nice to me it would feel like i only deserve love in that shape.... i seriously need to go to a therapist, i need an adult to talk about those issues with....

it hurts,, why despite trying so hurt some people always hurt me on purpose?

and the worst part is that i can't even talk things out with her bc she just goes silent or start screaming more awful things at me. there is no conversation pit, just corners.

[myfandomrambles]

You're right, using the wording "leaving" was wrong. Ursa was forced out due to Ozai's plan to seize power. Ozai got what he wanted: the throne and sole access to shaping the future of his children. I don't doubt Ozai would have killed Zuko, he was always the scapegoat, but I think what did happen was his ultimate goal.

The "not wanting to be there" phrasing comes from what I gathered from the comics in that she was dragged into a life she didn't want. But that isn't clear in the show I should have specified exactly. I'll admit this is kind of a sore spot due to my trauma. Even so, I think anyone can see Ura’s situation is the same as many people who can give birth and end up trapped with partners and in situations they hate. This is something that has historically and still is common. When situations like this happen they are so complicated and make relationships between parent and child fraught even if there is so much love. And I think in this story similar things would be going on between Ursa and her children. 

My original point was not to deny that she was abused but more meant to zero in on a specific dynamic that would have affected Zuko and Azula. And the love she did have for them, including the affection we see her give to Zuko and even in some cases to Azula (though Azula's behaviour caused her distress) would have been a countervailing force to Ozai's abuse and the loss of it would have been very hard. Azula would be completely controlled by their father and Zuko would be left only with his father's disdain for him. (That is until Iroh but that relationship is not the point here)

Most of my frustrations when it comes to people who call Azula abusive and moralise the situation are about the lack of understanding they give Azula. They make characters compete in traumatic Olympics. And you exemplify it yourself.

You can have sympathy for both Azula and Zuko, but you shouldn't have sympathy for both of them equally because Azula internalized her father's abuse in a way Zuko didn't and went on to abuse Zuko. If you deny that, you don't actually have sympathy for both because you don't have sympathy for Zuko being abused by his sister.

I mean sad for you that you have such limited sympathy. It must be boring to not be able to view complex situations as such. Sucks to be you.

(I see this the other way too when people say Zuko wasn't as abused as Azula due to Zuko getting attention from Iroh. And like that's bullshit too)

Azula internalised the abuse. That was part of my point. Her spot was the one Ozai was making into his perfect soldier. We do see her act poorly to Zuko. And we know this hurt him. In Zuko Alone, we see that the way she treated him stuck with him, but the situation he is remembering is the one I was discussing above with Azulon, Ozai and Ursa. Azula made the situation worse but that doesn't mean she is abusing Zuko. 

There are a lot of intricacies when you have siblings who are abused by their parent(s) but in different ways. How that displays itself in how they grow older isn't always pretty. Any trauma experienced jointly by family members can cause different responses that don't need to be placed in a hierarchy. 

Sokka and Katara fight, Katara even said Sokka didn't love their mother as much as her, and I don't think Ktara abused Sokka. Their dynamic is not allowed to happen like it could have if they weren't in a war. Katara was turned into a mini adult and helped Gran-Gran lead their tribal family. This changed how they saw each other and interacted. I believe there are similar dynamics with the fire nation's siblings. We know for a fact that Azula was Ozai's favourite, similar to the idea of a Golden Child, many people believe that's a situation with no harm, but it is. 

Azula was used as an arm of Ozai's abuse. She used his words and manipulative tendencies to control her situation. And like I said this did hurt Zuko, it is a major part of his complex trauma. 

Azula internalised her father's abusive world views. That's not what I was countering. And it's much more obvious because of the way she learned to manipulate situations. We see them being young; it seems that she was willing to make fun of Zuko in situations when he needed kindness. Azula hurt Zuko; this doesn’t automatically make her abusive on the level of her father!

It is also very clear that what we see of Zuko, especially in season one and early season two is someone trying to balance his empathy, his uncle's teachings and his internalised abuse and propaganda. He had more access to his empathy and was able to use that as well as his experiences in the earth kingdom to realise that his father doesn't love him and that the fire nation hurts people. That there is value in other cultures. And I think this is fascinating from a narrative perspective and something that can be relatable to abuse survivors and those of us deconstructing harmful belief systems. I think this doesn’t have to show Azula as less deserving of compassion as we don’t know that she couldn’t have a similar arc, Zuko found his strength and will to change, it doesn’t support or negate Azula having the same ability. 

I can understand that for people who experienced sibling abuse, their relationship would be very triggering. I get that, and I am so sorry. I know abuse and when it comes from anyone you love and should be able to trust it is devastating. And if someone can’t bring themselves to offer Azula sympathy because she hits too close to home, I'm not judging those people.

I just don't believe that Azula's behaviour makes her one of Zuko's prime abusers but I understand if you believe that. 

The part that pisses me off about people who say that she is just another abuser is that it flattens all nuance and complicated storytelling and how it mirrors real abuse dynamics and indoctrination. People propagate the idea she deserves less sympathy and understanding because she isn't a good abuse victim. And that somehow sympathising with how Zuko was damaged by his whole family means I must not sympathise with Azula as much.

Compassion and understanding can and should be extended to victims who also hurt others. Because writing them off is how you end up with just more pain. like no, fuck that. 

Ursa deserves understanding because she was in a no-win situation of abuse by her husband. Azula deserves sympathy because she's a child and literally has never had a chance to be better, and maybe as an adult, she would choose to never get better, maybe she would decide to only lash out more, but that isn't set in stone. 

Also, Azula does hold dangerous viewpoints. She doesn't respect the Earth Kingdom as she should and only believes others' fear can get her any respect. She doesn't value human life for the sake of it asi i think she struggles to view people outside of the way she’s been taught to keep herself safe and receive praise from her father. Perfection and control matter more than other peoples lives.  That is dangerous, that is so so dangerous, and we see it in her believing that you can burn the Earth Kingdom without that being wrong for causing pain or even just backfiring on the health of Fire Nation. But I don't believe that is set in stone to be something she can't unlearn. We know deconstruction of harmful beliefs is hard but possible. Deradicalization exists.

Asami, Jinora, Katara, Korra, Lin, Mai, Suki, Toph, Ty Lee. And the other Avatar women and girls deserve sympathy because they go through some major bullshit and violence at quite young ages. And when we learn to sympathise with different kinds of people in stories we can do so better in real life.

(and if you look through my blog you can see I think of all kinds of characters who deserve sympathy from slice-of-life dramas to the most complicated sci-fi narratives)

Ya know we don't have to downplay Zuko's trauma to recognize Azula's trauma!

You don't have to call Azula an abuser to recognize how Azula's trauma responses as a child affected Zuko!

Criticizing the lens of the show which is more sympathetic to Zuko's perspective than Azula's doesn't mean that you need to pretend Ozai want that bad or that Zuko had no hand in his own decision to turn his back on his father.

Zuko & Azula are both traumatized teenagers during ATLA and it's possible to sympathize and understand both of them.

They were both moulded by a father who only valued control and power. They were both affected by their mother who didn't really want to be there and left them. They were both indoctrinated from the womb with fire nation propaganda. They were both forced to grow up too early, in different ways, but neither of them got to be children past 14.

And no matter if you hate either one of them. Ever pretending Ozai wasn't abusive to both parties is just abuse apologia/denialism and that's a bad look. You don't have to like characters to not dismiss abuse which effects real victims.

[ballorawan740]

SCP Scenarios: Yandere!SCP x Evil!Reader

Requested by: @Charlie_Sharlotte

Main Masterlist | SCP Scenarios Masterlist | My Works Masterlist | Rules | Request | Socials | My Original Post

So a little bit of context here:

Yes, I've done a Yandere!SCP x Reader before, but this one has a slight twist to it as requested by the user

The reader is just an ordinary human, just like my other post (you can get quick access HERE)

The only difference being how the Yandere!SCPs would react and the reader is evil

I'll be basing this off my other post, if you see something that's rather similar, that's why

SCP 073 (Cain)

When you first met Cain, neither of you had thought of much at first and just greeted each other as usual

Then, of course, you both became really good friends

Some would even say you both were inseparable as wherever they see with of you, the other would be close by

Not long after, you both just started dating which just happened

His yandere traits would gradually come through, but since it wasn't much different to his usual self, none of you would've noticed the change

Apart from you, of course, cus this man wouldn't let you be in harm's way and if you were, he would have to be with you the whole entire time

When Cain discovers that you work for another GOI, he was shocked and tried to -forcefully- make you stay loyal to the foundation which didn't work well

You stayed loyal to the Serpent's Hand and Cain warned the other members of the foundation

Not only did you find out about the news, but you were also very much aware of Cain's yandere tendencies in which you warned your team about this

The news that you were working with the Serpent's Hand got to the O5 council to which they kept a close eye on you

However, some would even call them bluff as you had made your way through the rankings in less than a year, displaying your intelligence and 'loyalty towards the foundation

As well as this, you were able to deceive most of the staff at the foundation, so you would be the last person anyone would suspect if there were an issue between the Foundation and the Serpent's Hand

Due to the love-hate relationship between both parties, the O5 Council had announced you as the 'bridge' between both the Foundation and the Serpent's Hand if either party were in need of help, within the reason of course

As for you and Cain, you tried to distance yourself but Cain's yandere tendencies forbid from that happening

And so you stayed, thinking that you could use him as a scapegoat

SCP 076 (Abel)

Abel gets slightly physical when he's a yandere

Like hella physical to the point he'd tie you up in his box and go on full rage mode if anyone tries to help save you or even question about your whereabouts

However, since you were one of the hostile type SCPs used by the Serpent's Hand, you knew that you could use Abel's yandere traits to your advantage

Since you weren't a yandere yourself, you would more often than not, find yourself trapped in his box

But since you had the ability to summon just about anything out of thin air, just like Abel, you were able to record and complete your tasks without being disturbed

Even though Abel knew that you were a hostile SCP, he was somehow oblivious to your abilities and your secret mission in the Foundation

The O5 council were concerned and intrigued that you were willing to be trapped inside his box and when asked, you kept silent

Abel would do anything to keep you by his side which was annoying if you had something to do, but you were a master manipulator so you were able to bribe him

As for the foundation staff, you could play off as not so hostile for now type SCP unless you were provoked, so most of the time, they'd just leave you in your containment room

During one of the containment breaches, Abel discovered that you were working for another GOI and attempted to question you about this but to no avail

As for the O5 council, they were able to get some information bout you from Abel, but it didn't help very much other than the fact you worked for a GOI

Neither the O5 council nor Abel knew which group you worked for and the council debated on whether to terminate you or not

They have come up with a conclusion to not terminate you for now as you were able to stop Abel from breaching the foundation

However, they had to keep a close eye on you both due to your activities with another GOI and may manipulate Abel into assisting you

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

This adorable little yandere orange blob here is the reason why most people in the foundation would suspect you as an enemy to the foundation

As in, either trying to destroy the world, working for another GOI or both, type of way

When 999's yandere traits kick in, he'd definitely be slightly possessive when he'd jealous but no more than that

999 would most definitely be oblivious to your evil traits until he sees it for himself, just like Abel

I feel that the foundation staff also wouldn't suspect a thing since you have that pure, innocent vibe

Since you give off those vibes, you tend to get away with thingy hella easily, sometimes it would go right under the noses of the O5 council, even though you're doing it right in front of them

I have high doubts that anyone would've caught you in the act of betraying the foundation or kidnapping the SCPs

And even if they did and was absolutely certain it was you, most of the others would call them delusional

There was that one time where 999 caught you with another SCP and got hella jealous but you were able to persuade him to stop ignoring you

The second time he caught you was when you were in the middle of releasing some Keter and Euclid class SCPs but wasn't able to stop you or warn the others in time

When the doctors found out, it was too late and you were with the Choas Insurgency

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

This little sh- right here would literally threaten to kill everyone you've ever cared about right in front of you and he would do it again and again

Luckily, you were cunning and deceitful, some would even say that you come across as suave in what you're doing

And in this case, you would play along with 682 like a game and this giant MF wouldn't even know (cuz he do be thicc)

The foundation is well aware of 682 being such a yandere and it's not like they could do anything other than observe

However, what's even scarier is you being able to multitask in various fields, making you a perfect doctor/agent they have

You were also planning on releasing the SCPs just for your own gain and would even go as far as deceiving the other GOIs just for some helping hand and gathering some intel

Not only that, you have used 682 as your scapegoat many times since he was known for causing various breaches

During that time, you were able to free most SCPs with a little help and those agents would soon be declared missing or dead under mysterious circumstances

Nobody would ever suspect you since you put on such an innocent facade and portrayed yourself as just someone who did as they're told

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

As a yandere, 049 would most definitely be similar to 035 and tie you up as a punishment

Sometimes, he would even go as far as using his 'subordinates' to monitor you while you were being left alone in a room while he's doing something

Normally, 049 would avoid punishing you and would explain to you what you did wrong with a harsher tone as if to intimidate you

However, as time went by, you've learnt a lot from the doctor and was able to adapt to various situations just like him

Being an ordinary human being, you'd constantly have to avoid touching his hands with yours or if you ever remembered, you'd wear gloves in case 049 would hold yours out of nowhere

If there were any breaches, the first thing he'd do is to look for you and make sure that you're by his side constantly

Little did he know, you were the corporate behind the breach as you wanted to seek revenge on the foundation for taking your family away and killing them all

And of course, you've learnt from the best from those around you, especially 049

In your head, you planned to use 049 to your advantage like always, but instead of using him as a scapegoat, you were planning on getting him to go against the foundation's will and join you

However, a part of you also wanted to use him as a scapegoat since all he does is dote around you and be possessive af

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask)

This yandere right here is not only possessive but manipulative af  and if you didn't know any better, you would've been wrapped around his fingers

But you did know better, so like many other 'evil people, you used this at your advantage since you know that 035 is all over you

You were amazing at seducing both men and women, but mainly guys, hand to hand combat, hacking, weapon knowledge and even cross-dressing, but you'd much rather not do that and hide in the dark (you introverted shy mf)

From time to time, you were able to make 035 leave you as you had "behaved well and should be rewarded" as 035 puts it

During that time, you'd hack into the Foundation's most secretive files and grab all the information you needed in order to achieve whatever goals you intended to finish

Not even 035 or the Foundation knows about this and if they ever catch on about the hacking incident, they wouldn't even take a second thought that it was you (since you have such a pretty face and nobody would suspect a thing, you're welcome for the compliment)

Since you were reliable, independent and trustworthy in the Foundation's eyes and you were able to adapt to 035's persona and adopt it into your work, you'd occasionally be sent to the other GOIs as an undercover spy

Little did everyone know, you used every bit of tool and would even use your position as an undercover to blackmail and even spill out the secrets of your mission just to get to where you want anyone to be

The Foundation would never have guessed your goals and would consider this incident as a slip-up and allow you to continue if you were able to keep everything under control

Not only that but they were soon informed that wherever you go, an individual or a whole team of people from the GOIs, including the Foundation's, would go missing or dead

Nobody knows why and they wouldn't even dare to question your authority since you were so high up

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

You were just one of the cleaners at the Foundation which so happened to bond well with 096 despite him being a yandere

096 as a yandere wasn't as bad as the others as he'll only go into depression or possessive mode, but even then, he was still handleable (IT'S CUZ HE HAS THAT MFING FACE THAT NO MOTHER COULD LOVE)

Anyways, I doubt that 096 would have enough intelligence to gather that you're evil for quite some time, but that doesn't mean that he's completely stupid

Moreso oblivious since he wouldn't believe anyone who says that you're working for another organisation and that you're just using him

When he went back to his cell, you came to check up on him and heard him crying, so you asked what happened

He told you all the 'lies' about you working for Chaos Insurgency and you quickly dismissed that with ease, knowing that 096 will only listen to you

You had informed your captain/team leader about the Foundation catching on and they made sure that you're still 'clean' and sent a couple of others to aid you

Once everyone got a hold of your plan, 096 quickly came out and snatched you, but not before killing all the agents

Basically, he's your personal bodyguard and servant who just happens to be depressed and slightly possessive

SCP 105 (Iris)

Oh dear oh dear oh dear

Iris is beyond possessive

She'll basically tie you up for days if she wanted to and you would have to try and outwit her since she has military training

Outwitting her would be hard since she's rather intelligent too

So what you did was to listen to her for quite some time in order to buy some time for your crew to sneak in and grab whatever they need before they flee

You made sure to be extra kind and sweet to our Iris here since she somehow managed to regain access to her camera

Your team was quickly notified so they proceeded with caution

Just because you managed to fool Iris doesn't mean you could fool the Foundation

As the Foundation proceed to warn Iris, you attempted to reassure her that it's not what it looks like, but she's not stupid at all

Depending on the situation, she might tie you up for days if not weeks and let you consume the tiniest amount of food and water

However, if you somehow managed to free yourself, defend yourself if she fighting you or outwit her, you would run back to your base to never be seen again

SCP 106 (Old Man)

An old yandere like 106 would make ordinary people think he's just old, crippled and possessive as well as perhaps a sugar daddy (Sorry, not)

Anyhow, aside from him being such a yandere, he wouldn't exactly notice you being evil and all unless it's explicitly shown in front of him and even then, he wouldn't believe it

The researchers, however, did manage to catch onto your evil side as you were midway through releasing various SCPs, including 682, 939 (FREE MY PET PLS), 049 and a couple of other well known Keter and Euclid class SCPs

They tried to arrest you and take you into full custody and interrogate you with the help of 105 and you found out soon that they both had a deal

The deal was that the researchers would get as much information out of you before disposing you to 106

You took advantage of this deal and managed to send a message to your team about it just to make sure that you're protected and someone would be sent to help you

Once you've done your mission in freeing certain SCPs, you were tasked to shut down or destroy the Foundation but failed

And not only that but your team were also caught in assisting you and breaking free the SCPs and were then killed on site

Since you were caught, your team leader sent down another dispatch to kill you and retrieve all the necessary information they needed

But since you didn't tell the Foundation everything you knew, they made an agreement with you by telling them everything you knew in exchange for your safety and you obliged

You also went to 106 and made him have a deal with both you and the researchers, but knowing the old man, you're more likely going to be killed by that SCP than by your team

Dr Simon Glass

This mf softie of a yandere right here would definitely know you're up to something

I mean, he's a psychologist, so of course, he'll get inside of your head before you would even blink twice

He wouldn't call you out just yet since he doesn't know the full extent of you working under someone or if you're working for yourself and using others to your own advantage

As for you, you knew that Simon wouldn't just let you go if he ever found out on what you're plotting and nor would he help bail you out just because you asked so nicely

So to avoid this problem, you asked your fellow subordinates from Dr Wondertainment to help cover for you

The MTFs caught on that there was newly discovered SCPs on their site and were quickly ordered to exterminated, neutralise or capture them for the safety of them and the others and to conduct further research

Little did they know, it was your little stunt to just get closer to Dr Glass and to use him in your plans

After many months of studying each and every SCPs and conducting a plan for your team, the researchers finally discovered that it was you behind all the mess with the help of Simon Glass

Realising that it is too dangerous for you to be working along in the Foundation, you fled,, leaving Simon Glass all alone and wanting to keep you in his room forever

Simon demanded a search party to find you but was denied

Since you've been caught already, you sent somebody else to do the work for you

And that assistant just so happens to look just like you (totally not your evil twin or anything)

Dr Jack Bright

Jack Bright had you locked up in a chamber below the Foundation when he had discovered you being the culprit behind the recent breaches and other related incidents

You were just as vicious and deadly as most of the best agents the Foundation ever has and staying in the Foundation had just turned you insane and just as sadistic

You enjoyed causing so much chaos, leaving all the innocent, cheery memories behind and new friends and family you've made along the way was long gone

Bright wasn't stupid, he may be goofy and somewhat chaotic at times, he'd been in the Foundation for longer than anyone (he'd also be earning more than the amount of money in your bank account)

He's definitely one of the most intelligent doctors and most definitely has access to most files and holds more secrets than any seniors in the Foundation

There's no doubt that he would find out about you and lock you up in no time

Knowing you, he's very much certain that you'll wreak havoc on the Foundation within a matter of hours for no apparent reason

The other staff would deem you as an SCP but Bright dismisses that and nobody has ever heard of you since

He tortured you for hours and its no wonder why you'd become so visibly and mentally insane

Dr Alto Clef

Clef was able to somehow find a way to unlock your secrets about you working with another GOI named Church of the Broken God

And despite having to work together with a handful of times, both GOIs remain enemies, so Alto would have to keep a close eye on you

On occasions, he would blackmail you, chain you up and inflict pain on you just to get some intel off from you

However, little did he know, you've learnt from the best liars and was able to conceal the truth from him

Clef may be good at finding information on a person and threaten others, but you were able to adapt as quick as the speed of light and was manipulative just like him

Unlike the others, Clef would most definitely snitch on you, but that's no surprise since you've done just that to him with the Church of the Broken God

Moreover, Clef didn't know that you were married to someone working for the very same GOI and was shocked once he found out

The Foundation found it difficult to track you and your spouse since you're both highly trained along with the data you've gathered on the foundation staff and SCPs

Dr Benjamin Kondraki

Benjamin Kodraki, another softer yandere, would have never known that you worked with the Deer College if it wasn't for his butterflies

He would give you the benefit of the doubt at first, but when you kept doing his questions and threats, he would give in and tell the O5 council

They would dismiss Kondraki at first, but once they've discovered a chain of unusual events happening at the Foundation, they knew it was much more than just a coincidence and took action

Kondraki aided them in finding you, but to no avail, except for one of your long term friends (you have friends?! what a shocker)

He had chained up your friend and they exposed your hideout spot which just so happened to be right underneath the Foundation

When he had found you, he forcefully dragged you up to his room and tied you up as you saw your friend's lifeless body beside you

You hated him because of his yandere tendencies and tried to break free

Luckily for you, the professors at the College managed to set you free, fleeing with you before Kondraki and the other members of the Foundation could do anything

Later on, Kondraki soon realised that you were in the Deer College just to gain additional knowledge and to retrieve some samples of the SCPs in the Foundation to conduct your own research and art collection

Not only that, you were exceptionally good at history and social science and Invocations and Summoning which was why you picked both subjects to study further with your creativity in the art department as your hobby

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

You know it’s really interesting how Johnny and Takemura foil each other.

Both have a very similar fatal flaw; valuing ideals over interpersonal relationships, and having very avoidant/detached attachment styles that lead to them feeling like they can only rely on themselves.

For Johnny, this manifests as disorganized attachment, pushing people away for fear of being hurt, while also fearing being alone/forgotten, which explains a lot of the risk-taking and narcissistic behaviors we see from him. While for Goro, this manifests in anxiously attaching to an institution that actively harms him and others by preventing him from making outside human connections (kind of like a cult). Through the power of friendship™️, we see both heal a lot though V. In fact, as far as I know these are the only two non-romancable NPC’s who have “friendship meters” where their attitude toward V changes significantly based on their interactions.

Both struggle because they root their identity in external ideals (loyalty, freedom, etc.) and institutions rather than the connection they make with others (funnily enough, human connection is V’s saving grace, as it’s their friends that help them in most of the “good” endings. The Devil ending is the only one that relies on trusting ideals/institutions rather than the loyalty of your friends). Both of these flaws, funnily enough, come from similar events; perceived two different ways. Both were exploited by Arasaka. Johnny is like the rebellious scapegoat child of the family, who leaves the abuse and lashes out at others out of anger and hurt. Goro is the more meek one, the one who follows orders and is thankful because they’ve learned how to be the golden child and get what they want, perpetuating and becoming complicit in a cycle of abuse. Both are deeply wounded from similar events, trying to survive in bitter circumstances, and fighting between healing and falling back into their old habits. (Both really should have taken a leaf out of Hemingway’s book tbh. Come on guys, the phrase “no man is an island” toll any bells?)

Both are men that would agree that the end justifies the means, and men who have acted on this by hurting others, intentionally or no. It’s a really interesting character study considering how much Johnny hates Takemura. While they seem to represent opposite ends of the spectrum (Goro representing order, honor, and loyalty to a fault, Johnny representing chaos, freedom, and pride to the point of self-destruction), I really think there’s more than his Arasaka background that bothers Johnny.

[divinerulerluvr]

Suspicious pt. 2

An AU where Colin Zabel is the bad guy.

No Warnings

Pairing - Colin Zabel x reader

Words - 1.3k

A/N - Per request, i wrote a part 2. Like, high request. I didn't think part 1 was good but i got a lot of people who wanted a second part so i guess here it is

Read part 1 here

- - -

It had been two weeks and, once again, there was a murder.

You were afraid that somehow, Colin would make you his scapegoat. Maybe he was done with being nice and decided to plant fake evidence in your car or something to get you arrested for the murders.

Everything had you paranoid. Every noise, every person. You were constantly on edge and it was slowly killing you.

And with Colin being a detective, he had access to damn near anything. With the internet, everything was available. Part of you was very wary about the man. You couldn’t trust him at all. He was a murderer and a good one, at that.

You had gotten a text one night from an unknown number telling you to meet him at the police station. You knew who it was. Who else would it be?

Afraid to disobey, you head to the station.

The front door was unlocked and you walk in, finding the only light that remained on in Colin’s office. Nervously, you walk into his office. He sits behind his desk, his eyes focused on the phone in his hands.

“Y/n,” he says, not even bothering to look up from his phone. “I need your help,”

“With what?” you ask, standing in the doorway of his office, afraid to walk in further. He looks up at you, turning his phone off and setting it on the desk. “I need a scapegoat and you’re gonna give me one,” he says simply.

His words make your heart sink further. He wanted you to give him an innocent person to blame his killing on?

He stares at you, your silence irritating him. “I could just make you my scapegoat if you don’t talk. It’s up to you,” he shrugs, standing from his seat and walking around the desk. You fight the urge to step back in response, keeping your feet planted.

“Why do you want a scapegoat now?”

“To put the town at ease. Once I get a scapegoat, I’m leaving. This place is... Sad,” he says, his eyes scanning the room around him.

“I can’t do that,” you say, your eyes following his as he steps closer and closer to you. “Listen to me, for fucks sake,” he warns lowly, making you swallow thickly. “It’s either you go to jail for four murders, or some person you despise goes to jail. Pick your poison, sweetheart,”

“It’s selfish,”

“Aren’t we all selfish?” he replies simply, now just inches from you. “And plus, you wouldn’t think it was selfish when you rot in prison. Don’t you have someone you hate? Someone you’d love to see rot?”

You just shake your head. Colin scoffs, not buying it for a second. “Nobody’s perfect,” he says, his voice lowered just above a whisper. “Especially… you,”

“What?” you ask, confused at his insinuation. He smiles, walking back over to his desk. “You have a record,” he states. You just shake your head, internally panicking. “No, I don’t,” you deny, trying to seem calm.

“You did, at least. You got it expunged. Isn’t that right?” he says, glancing up at you as he leans against his desk. “Looks like you were… driving drunk while underage. That’s like, two crimes all in one,” he sucks in sharply through his teeth shaking his head in a condescending manner. “That’s not good,”

You had nothing to say, so you just competed in his stare-off. His hands tucked deep into his pockets, he sighs heavily. “I’m gonna need a name, Y/n,” he orders, his words soft yet demanding. Your life depends on this.

Staying silent, you ran through the list of people who did you wrong throughout the past years. There was nobody who you’d want to send to jail. Well, except one guy.

“Mark Youens,” you say.

Colin smiles. “Good choice, doll. That one girl’s husband. He’s the perfect culprit,” Colin praises coldly, his words sincere but the context of them making you sick. “You mean Daisy,” you interrupt. Colin looks up at you, his eyebrow arched in question.

“‘That One Girl’ has a name,” you clarify. He just nods boredly, walking around the desk and writing the name you gave him down.

“You just gonna stare at me?” he asks, noticing how your gaze remained on him. You snap out of your daze, your eyes moving to the desk he stood behind. “Come here,” he says, his instruction making you scared.

Were you going to be his last kill?

You walk up to his desk, the wood separating the two of you and creating a safe distance. Colin leans on the desk, extending his hand. You flinch at the movement, afraid he was going to do something more than just graze his fingers down your cheek.

Colin chuckles, his eyes locked on yours. “You know, if I wasn’t blackmailing you, I would ask you on a date,” he comments. You display no reaction, his hand still petting your cheek affectionately.

“I wouldn’t say yes,” you bite back. He smiles, dropping his hand from your cheek. “I don’t believe you,” he shrugs.

“Cocky much?”

He shrugs, walking away from the desk and grabbing his coat from the chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow at eight a.m sharp. Got it?” he says.

“Fine,” you agree monotonously.

-

At eight a.m sharp the next morning, you meet Colin at the address he had sent you. You ended up at a local park filled with people. You saw Mare and a few other police on the small stage, a microphone and most importantly, Colin.

A loud sound echoes through the speaker as Mare taps the microphone in front of her. “We are pleased to announce the killer has been caught and is in jail. Hopefully, this will serve as some justice for all the chaos recently and put you guys at ease,” Mare announces to the people who gather before her.

Colin had brought you to some sort of town meeting about the killer being caught. “A special thank you to Detective Colin Zabel for investigating and thank you to Y/n Y/l/n for giving us the tip to find the man responsible,”

You felt your heart freeze at Mare’s word. Colin, who stood beside Mare, smiles widely as she says your name. You knew he had gotten her to say it just for kicks.

The crowd claps and you just glare at Colin who winks at you. This was all a part of his plan and you had somehow fallen directly into his sticky trap.

Slowly, the crowd disperses and you got a moment alone with Colin. You hit his arm and he turns to face you, a shit-eating grin on his lips. “You fucked me over, Zabel,” you whisper angrily, making sure nobody was around.

“How exactly? I saved your ass from being the scapegoat--”

“I saved my own ass from being the scapegoat. You were the one blackmailing me,”

He chuckles, glancing around the area as he crosses his arms. “You’re smart, Y/n,” he says, the compliment throwing you off. “I kinda have to be because of assholes like you,” you retort snappily, exhaling heavily.

“I thought you said you’d be leaving,” you add on, calming yourself. He shrugs, running his tongue over his lips. “Eh. Mare offered me a more permanent job here. Maybe Easttown isn’t so bad,” he says, taking pleasure in your disappointed reaction.

“Don’t look too excited, now,” he jokes sarcastically but you don’t react. “I’ll see you around, doll face. Maybe now that all this murder shit is over, I can take you to dinner,”

“You’re fucking delusional, Colin,” you reply.

He shrugs, a charming smile pulling on his lips as somebody walks by the two of you. “Probably. See you around, Y/n,” he says, patting your arm before walking past you, leaving you like he always did.

And of course, he had the last word.

[randomnameless]

Yep, it's especially that conversation lol

Religion shouldn't have any sort of political authority. Fodlan games are wildly inconsistent with how much CoS has, but any at all is bad, and I'd want any leader not to embrace them having too much power, esp Dimitri because it must suck to feel like he's obligated to another institution regardless of how good/bad it is.

It's always the issue isn't it lol?

The game wants us to believe the CoS is a sekrit shadow government puppeting everyone to whom every leader should answer to, when what we see is pretty much the opposite.

It'd suck for Dimitri to have to help the CoS because he would feel indebted/obligated to help, but at the end of the day, in the 3 Nopes situation, we have someone asking for help, and the Kingdom is the only one who provides it.

I think Dimitri's the ONLY leader with a balanced outlook on the church. He acknowledges and sees first-hand the good it does, doesn't use Rhea as a scapegoat bc he fails to grasp nuance, understands how necessary it is (right now) for the mental wellbeing of his people, but also believes it could use some reform. That seems pretty fair. Because the writing is so unfair towards the Church, then it comes across way, way worse and harsher than it would if Rhea/the CoS got supports or their own route like SS.

Yep, given the writing, both in this game and, imo, in FE16 - even in SS that parrots the "Church needs reforms" without going into what are those reforms or why it needs any - Dimitri is the most nuanced Lord about the Church, and doesn't exclusively blame them for... well, things both games tell us but we never see, instead he notices what is on-screen (i'll never forget the shitstorm the fandom had over his line to Claude about the Abyss lol) and has to acknowledge the CoS.

BUT, I don't think it's a big mystery how Dimitri would react to questioning a Caspar or a Nadar who are openly bloodthirsty and for shallow reasons. He'd go and fight and kill them and feel a whole lot less bad about it. Even when he understands the enemy enough to know how badly he'll come across from their perspective, he still gives the command to attack if he thinks it's in Faerghus' best interest.

Fun fact, in this game, the conversations he can have in Zahras (the optional chapters if you didn't kill byleth!) can be triggered in every route.

AKA, the conversation is the same with Claude in GW, and the same with Supreme Leader in SB! It's ridiculous, I know.

Manuela is from the Empire. For me, it's as simple as that. All her family and friends are there.

Mmh,

Manu is also very pious, had a good opinion on her colleagues and hates bloodshed - in FE16 she hates how her nursery is turned into a morgue - so imo it doesn't really makes sense for her to join the imperialists who suddenly tell her she now has to believe Pope Varley - whose teachings, while never revealed to us, are pretty much the opposite of what Rhea followed.

Granted, in AM if she is unrecruited, she's an assassin working for the Empire so, and we know she cares about her Mittelfrank friends, so... idk.

When I read people saying that Byleth is so effective because they're a new element, it made a lot of sense to me - especially for the Blue Lions because so many of them are haunted by their pasts.

Yep, it ultimately came to make sense to me too lol

Granted, with the Nopes versions of the BL gang, aka a Felix who is now Duke Fraldarius and understands there are more important things to do to help the Kingdom and his people and friends than call Dimitri a boar and leave him alone, or Sylvain who cut off his womanising ways and rants about crests this and crests that, instead working with his father and advises the King - they seem closer to him and able to reach him, maybe not as fast, as Byleth did - as you pointed out, AG Dimitri can maybe become, later on, AM!Dimitri. Imo, AG made me realise how artificial and forced the "Dimitri and his friends don't talk to each other" felt in the first part of AM - but the circumstances were pretty different.

In a way, I think AG!Dimitri can be better compared to CF!Dimitri given how the events are sort of similar - who also seems to have a positive relationship with his friends, even if he only appears in one chapter.

That's 2/2 for Dimitri being the one lord that doesn't make a big fuss about the self-insert's powers.

Meanwhile, in SB -

Azure Gleam Ch 11

Spoilers below for AG Ch 11.

STORY

RODRIGUE is back. You have no idea how happy I am that he got more screen time (and is now playable!)

Ashe's not happy that some nobles kept their titles after turning coat, but they can't afford the chaos changing things would create right now, but they plan to in the future.

I am living for the Big Dad energy Rodrigue always has.

Do we get to kill Caspar's Dad? Please let me kill Caspar's dad.

Felix asking the right questions - asking if they can trust Claude. Annette doesn't trust Claude. Ingrid neither, but doesn't think he's as bad as Annette and Felix.

Gustave and the Knights of Serios are keeping the Alliance in check.

Once again, people asking if Dimitri can kill his step-sister. But Dimitri's like, guys, I killed Rufus. I can handle it.

Ohh, a letter from Patricia? If it doesn't have new info, why bring it up? Something disturbing. Confirmation she was always bad.

Yep, she helped plot Duscur. I mean, we all guessed she was an awful human being, so now we know.

Like, I don't blame Patricia for missing Edelgard or whatever, but setting your child step-son to get butchered alongside tons of other innocent people is straight-up evil.

Dimitri's worried about Shez, and she's opening up to him. It's pretty sweet. It's also so sweet how much they trust Shez even if she doesn't trust herself.

Honestly, Dimitri and Shez are so cute, as friends or more, it doesn't matter, they have a great relationship.

Shez would rather die than kill her friends 😭 We won't let that happen (it better not happen)

MAP/SIDE BATTLES

Seteth said he trusts me 😭😭😭

Rodrigue got to say two things this time, which means he made up for lost time last chapter.

Ok guys, Shamir just went up in my books. She said as a mercenary she'll get hired to kill anyone, but prefers killing bad guys, like the Empire. I love it. She hasn't said anything like this in GW or SB.

SHEZ & RODRIGUE B

LAMO, omg, I love Shez.

So it starts with Rodrigue taking Shez very seriously as Shez talks about how the war may be over by next winter because she . . . wants to have a snowball fight, like all the Kingdom kids got to do.

It's actually kind of sweet, seeing Shez want to just play and have fun with the Blue Lions.

Rodrigue, of course, love the idea.

And takes snowball fighting too seriously, talking strategy. Of a snowball fight. OMG I love this. I love him.

He'd do full-out battle with Lambert and go with kids.

Rodrigue lost, lamo.

So Lambert would rush into battle alone, and Shez thinks like father like son with Dimitri.

I also love how Rodrigue thinks Gautier is cowardly for laying and ambush for Lambert, but is totally fine with his own sneaking and waiting to strike.

It ended with them getting cussed out by Ingrid's dad for not taking the mountain seriously.

Shez can invite Rodrigue to join in.

Oh, man, I wish I got to see this fight. I can only imagine Felix when he realizes Rodrigue is involved and thinking it's dumb for taking it seriously, then taking it seriously. Ingrid being an absolute tyrant ordering people to follow her strategies. Dimitri scared he'll knock someone's teeth out. Mercedes being absolutely savage. And so on...

DIMITRI & YURI C

Excited for this.

Yuri's told a "funny knight" who's really strong is helping everyone out who sometimes sounds sheltered and obtuse and sometimes not. Yep. It's Dimitri.

Yuri's not happy seeing Dimitri in dangerous allies. Worried about him. But Dimitri wants to learn how the commoners live so he can help them rule better.

OMG, Yuri's like "you don't have an heir," worried about the civil war that will happen if Dimitri dies.

Yuri is determined for Dimitri to live a long and happy life because the people of Faerghus like Dimitri and Yuri likes the commonfolk of Faerghus.

Also love how Yuri points out that if war breaks out, nobles will die, but commoners get slaughtered. Wish he'd tell Edelgard that.

Haha, he says to bring Dedue at least.

OMG, I love Dimitri. He then just asks Yuri to be his bodyguard.

And Dimitri won't ask Dedue because he knows Dedue will just forbid Dimitri from coming, like a nanny, lol.

Yuri's entertained that Dimitri asked him to be a bodyguard.

SYLVAIN & DEDUE B

Dedue is impressed with Sylvain for interacting with a woman like a normal person lamo.

"Don't expect praise for merely doing your job." I love Dedue. That's savage af.

Sylvain was motivated to mature by Felix and Dimitri. He said they're both like brothers, which is why he wouldn't get left behind. I love this group.

Oof, Dedue "had" a sister. And now we're getting to learn about her. 😭 She liked flower crowns and was determined when she set her mind to it.

Dedue wants Sylvain to visit Duscur after the war, to visit her grave together 😭

SYLVAIN & FELIX A

Felix got into a fight with soldiers . . . . because they were making fun of Sylvain.

Felix called it the "worst decision in his life." Of course. Felix being Felix.

Felix didn't tell Sylvain because he was worried about Sylvain hearing the details about what people said about him.

I love the idea of Felix getting into a fist-fight with people insulting Sylvain lamo.

Sylvain thinks he deserves his bad reputation because of who he used to be. Felix challenged why Sylvain didn't change sooner. Sylvain has no defense lol.

Felix is ok with people making fun of Sylvain, but only certain people lamo.

Felix is blushing after saying something nice lol. Now he's pissed at Sylvain. And insulting him. Very typical Felix.

Sylvain says he's 7% more cunning than Felix lamo.

This one did go more into ship bait. I was surprised how un-shippy their C was, but I'm sure Sylvix fans loved this one.

DIMITRI & MERCEDES A

They're traveling to a village together. It's the one Mercedes used to live in. Dimitri likes how calm it is.

Mercie called Dimitri her friend 😭😭

Dimitri claims he's a king's knight lol. He catches himself. Also village woman finds Dimitri handsome. She has taste.

Mercedes and Dimitri talk about how open minded the church is and give credit to the overall teachings (lamo, eat shit, Claude)

Mercedes is grateful to Dimitri to taking in the Central Church because it helped the village out. It's why she brought him there, so he could see the good that comes from protecting the church.

Mercedes plans to show him around the town and introduce Dimitri to her mother and the priest.

Dimitri's nervous lol. Hahaha, Mercie says she'll tell him he's someone "very important" which flusters him lamo.

She made him laugh and smile.

This support was adorable. (and feels like it couldn't possibly be the same writers as SB and GW lamo)

MERCEDES & DEDUE B

Sad they only get one support. Their Houses one was amazing.

Mercedes is teaching cooking. The little girl gets scared of Dedue when he arrives to fetch Mercie.

Poor Dedue frightens children and animals :(

Mercie says lots of the kids are orphans, so they're scared, and that Dedue looks intimidating. She has a plan to make him not look as scary.

I KNEW IT! He's handing out flower crowns. I was going to say it was something with flowers.

Now all the kids love Dedue. Good. He's the sweetest man in Fodlan.

Dedue teaches them how to make the crowns.

Dedue is happy with Mercedes, but Mercie says it was Dedue's kindness who won them over. Of course they both give each other credit.

They both have such strong mom and dad energy.

SHEZ & ANNETTE A

Annette's up late working on music lol. Shez thinks the notes look like bugs lol.

Annette won't sing it though :( Her songs are legendary.

She wants a song that makes people feel happy when they sing it. Very Annette.

She heard the song Shez passed around getting sung by a dying mercenary, who died happy though because they appreciated the song. It made Annette appreciate the song more.

She is such a sweetie.

It's sweet to have a whole support revolve around Annette realizing her songs make people happy and help people. She'd love that.

OMG, I love Annette. Her new song is about a feast, then they go to get more ingredients, and then get into a death battle with a bear. Truly a child of Faerghus.

RAPHAEL & FELIX C

Raphael is drooling over Felix's food, so he gives it to Raphael, and Felix offers to go buy more.

Felix thinks he hears thunder, but it's just Raphael's stomach.

Felix is being nice, lol, insisting Raphael eat some of his food.

But now he's annoyed that Raphael called him a "meat buddy" or a bit. Felix likes the idea of hunting that Raphael suggested.

Raphael is so nice not even Felix can manage to get mad at him.

SYLVAIN & IGNATZ C

Sylvain feels bad because he interrupted Ignatz painting. He wanted Ignatz to look at a painting he brought home.

Sylvain knows painting styles (he knows it's not a common Faerghus style). But ofc Sylvain is interested in how pretty the woman in the painting is lamo.

He's curious about the woman's identity, but it doesn't seem in a fuck boy way, but a curiosity over a favorite piece of art way.

That Sylvain is into art just made him even cooler.

Religious art often has their symbols in the art (and Flayn's is fish lamo, good).

As a major art fan, I love this support adding little tid bits about Fodlan art.

Lamo, Sylvain studied art to impress ladies at first, but now he actually likes it.

SETETH & YURI C

Yuri chatted with a scholar, wanting to learn about the 10 elites because he didn't get a good education.

It's a support to explain how crests came to be and their powers

Yuri trusts Seteth with his crest secrets (partly because he knows Seteth already knows, and partly bc Yuri has taste)

Seteth encourages Yuri to cherish his crest and the power it brings

So is Yuri the son of an elite or something?

FLAYN & SHEZ B

Flayn thinks Shez looks good because she's dirty and that suites her lol. I love Flayn.

Flayn is wearing perfume. Seteth probably doesn't know lamo.

Flayn talks about how perfumes coming in trend shows that even in dark times, it's not all consuming. Very Flayn of her.

We're going trend shopping. She doesn't get to shop often.

Flayn is straight-up making shit up, lamo. She invented that Shez wanted to shop to raise Shez's spirits, not hers.

It's this more -uh - questionable side of Flayn that keeps her from being a one-note, overly sweet character. I love it.

CATHERINE & SHEZ C

Count Charon asks Catherine for more soldiers, but only Dimitri or Rhea could give that order.

Shez didn't know Catherine's family. She stays vague about it when Shez asks about her past.

Catherine, unsurprisingly, says she'd fight for Rhea if had to choose between her or her family.

Catherine asks why Shez is here. Oh, I can pick too - for friends, money, or to fight Byleth. Def picking friends. I think that suits AG Shez best.

Catherine looks happy with that answer.

Oh, I like that, live in a way that makes your past self proud.

ASHE & FELIX B

Their only support.

Oh, Felix is confronting Ashe about how he's a knight working for Dimitri. Should've known it would be about this.

Ashe defends Felix when he calls Dimitri a boar and tiresome lol.

Ashe says Dimitri does his job for him, omg, Dimitri, stop (but that's he's getting better).

Felix is like - you have to steal your job back from him!!! Use force if you have too - I love this, lamo

Dimitri promoted a lot of commoners to be knights, and there were some minor misunderstandings at first, but now no one cares

Felix asks Ashe if he's a noble or commoner, and Ashe is like kinda both actually, which is true

Awww, Dedue comes to Ashe's aids when he needs it (and Dimitri, but Ashe mentioned Dedue too)

And now Ashe is singing Dedue's praises, and ofc Felix insults Dedue, saying that blind loyalty will get him killed

And omg hahaha, Ashe is like that's sweet Felix, that you care about us, I always knew

I love how almost no one takes Felix's tsun seriously. They're all like "aww, look, he's chewing my old slipper!" energy

Ashe putting Felix in his place round 2, I love this. Ashe and Felix is always gold

Felix is like, it's just because more work for me if something happens to you!

Then he's finally nice, telling Ashe he does a good job

ANNETTE & SYLVAIN B

Their only support

This time it's Sylvain who catches Annette singing. Annette seems relieved rather than embarrassed.

Sylvain thinks her song is creepy (covers that, saying creative) and that only Annette could make it (affectionate - maybe)

Why is Annette always singing about swamp beasties?

Sylvain wants a song about something cute instead, so Annette naturally jumps to huge bears lamo

We need an Annette Bernedetta support about finding creepy stuff cute

Annette doesn't seem upset with criticism

Also, this is the second time Sylvain talks to Annette like a person and doesn't really flirt with her, more like siblings vibes it's cute

Annette's next song is even creepier lamo But Sylvain likes it anyways

DIMITRI/RODRIGUE/SYLVAIN PARALOGUE

This one is easy since all 3 are leveled up. I want to do other ones, but I may wait to save some cash lol.

They're up north, so Sreng? Yep.

So they're preparing for a Sreng raid.

So a hostage that grew up in Faerghus is now leading the raid. And Margrave Gautier treated him well even though he felt bitter about Sreng killing his wife. So Miklain's mother?

And now the Sreng hostage is using Fodlan knowledge against them.

Haha, Sylvain was going off about being lazy forgetting his dad was right there lol.

It's cool seeing papa Gautier and Rodrigue together.

The Sreng commander really came across like a dick. Rubbing in Miklain's death, not caring about all the men he got killed.

So did Claude do this in AG too? Incite Sreng? They guess Cornelia and someone from Adrestia too, which could be the case in AG.

Gautier takes credit for the fall. Sylvain got through to the guy apparently.

Dimitri's just happy they share a language now. He would know how important that is since he learned the language of Duscur.

I'm glad they fight over land. It's way more interesting and realistic than whatever the hell they did with Almyra.

Aww, Sylvain is dedicated to reaching peace with Sreng. Of course his dad is harder edged because they killed his wife.

Sylvain being so bent on peace and diplomacy just makes the people who claim he makes sense in CF make even less sense.

I had Shez believe in Sylvain, because AG!Shez is nice Shez.

Sylvain and Dimitri both hate resorting to violence and using warfare first. Both want to avoid it at all cost. I like the future of these two both being important in Faerghus.

Oh, cool, talk between Rodrigue and Matthais. I love the little stories we get of all of them. They were trouble makers lamo. They snuck out the night of the festivities.

Lambert wanted peace with Sreng and Duscur. Dimitri's half-way there, and he and Sylvain are working on the other half.

Gautier now agrees with Sylvain, Lambert, and Dimitri and a pathway to peace.

Aww, Rodrigue advised that he apologize to Sylvain, and he's going too.

Oh, I got the lance of ruin! Cool. Sylvain has his weapon now.

FINAL BATTLE

Not Dimitri being more understanding of the Empire nobles who''ll follow any leader that promises them more land than Edelgard does him and the other Blue Lions

He's thinking from the other's perspective, how it looks to them, not what it actually is - Claude and Edelgard could never

Shez is like, no need to feel guilty, hell yes

Felix is worried about Dimitri, in his very Felix way, meanwhile Dedue is like "we trust you"

I love so much that the importance of his friends' support is stressed so much more in AG.

Oh, I get Constance and Linhardt this battle. Cool.

Felix got lectured by Rodrigue lamo, he wanted to break ranks to chase after Monica

Lamo, Manuela's defeat quote is that she won't die single. Ngl, glad she just retreated.

It's really something that the Blue Lions show way more sympathy towards their enemy than the other routes do. They're the only ones that feel guilty for "invading." When the others are invading.

Glad they're bringing up that if they don't do this, Adrestia will not stop until Faerghus is destroyed.

Rodrigue has such a nice voice.

Felix got angry with Rodrigue when he said all the blame for invading will fall on Dimitri, but then Rodrigue said it's up to Felix to support him through it. This really is Dimilix the route, lamo.

Felix is like, duh.

Why is Shez talking to Rodrigue while it's late. I'm getting flashbacks. He died last time this happened.

They're both worried about Dimitri. And it's cannon that Dimitri falls asleep at his desk. Sooo much fanart of that lol.

Apparently Lambert did the same. Like father, like son.

Lambert had a shorter temper than Dimitri, but are very similar. Unlike Rodrigue and Felix. I get to disagree with Rodrigue there, so I will. Because I think they're more alike than they both think.

Ok guys, we finally got it. Why Felix is miserable outside of AM. He can't live without a great purpose pushing him forward. And in SS, VW, and CF he finds no great purpose, unlike in AM where working with Dimitri towards his version of the future does work.

When Lambert died, Rodrigue struggled to find another reason for being. So he devoted himself to his promise to Lambert, to make sure he sets his won back on his proper path is he loses his way.

Shez feels like Dimitri's been helping her, but she's helping Dimitri too. Like what Rodrigue is doing.

Rodrigue says he's only Dimitri's retainer, that's so false. But he says Shez is in a unique spot since she's a friend first, then he's her leader. Which makes me happy.

More teasing about Shez's origins.

Rodrigue says though that Shez's background or powers aren't what's important, it's about who Shez is as a person. I love so much how the Blue Lions keep repeating this idea, that it's not Byleth's or Shez's power. It's their worth as a person that matters.

Arval just called Rodrigue a wonderful human being. Based.

xxxx

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?